Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Growers Vs. Show-ers w/ Tom Papa | Your Mom's House Ep. 716

Episode Date: July 12, 2023

SPONSORS:-Go to https://Saatva.com/theshit to get $200 off ANY mattress of your choice.Go see Tom’s new special “SledgeHammer” Available NOW on Netflix!PULL YOUR JEANS UP! It’s another episode of YMH and this week, Tom Segura and Christina P discuss making their Netflix specials, specifically Tom’s newest “Sledgehammer,” middle-aged hobbies, some brown talk, and more! They watch a video of a cool lady giving tips on how to dwell in your vehicle, and a very cool guy named Daddy Demarkco. They also revisit the Humans of New York guy, Rex, who has a new post up, and give him a call to get some tips.Tom Papa is a comedian, actor, and author, whose new book is titled “We’re All in This Together… So Make Some Room”. He joins the Main Mommies to discuss VR games, motorcycles, mid life crises, current politics, slowly turning into your parents, his writing process, and much more! They wrap up by watching a batch of Christina’s TikTok curations.https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

Hey guys, if you don't know, my newest special sledgehammer is streaming on Netflix. Please give it a shot, please watch with your friends, please tell people about it. I would appreciate it. Thank you. I love you. This week, on your mom's house, I think my penis would look like, would it look like my dad's? I miss spelled diarrhea all the time. All the time. Yeah. Why are you spelling it so much? I have it so much. I can't tame this wild man. He's a wild man. Well, welcome.

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Soatva.com slash the shit. The next time you go to look at Soatva mattresses, go buy one. Do yourself a favor, you deserve it. Here we are and here we go. It is your mom's house palm cast. Thanks for joining us. Thank you as always for downloading, listening, viewing us on the YouTube's, sharing this with your friends, playing it for your family, your grandmother, your children. We are really excited about

this week's show. We have some special treats that we're going to be unveiling here very soon. Thank you everybody who's been watching Sledgehammer on Netflix. It's such a great special time. Thank you so much, thank you. Can I tell you what I love? That you licensed a very famous song. It really, I'm telling you,

and people knew how much you spent, they be floored I paid so much fucking money Can I tell you the opening is it gives me chills. I love it Everything it's just so exciting. I know what you're talking about I had to write two checks because yeah I have the opening song and then I have a closing song and Yeah, the opening songs by Peter Gabriel and the closing song is by a little outfit known as Gangstar And I could have you know for closing song they're like you can just play some stock music Now I'll cough it up. So I coughed it up twice Because I think it's part of the experience of the special

Absolutely, you know, and I've done I've done the stock music thing before and I understand it's like you're experience of the special. Absolutely. And I've done the stock music thing before, and I understand it's like, you're not watching a special to hear songs, but one of the, like this was like my, this special was me going, this is the culmination of a few years of touring. I went big on all aspects of it. Like there's this little intro that plays

kind of recapping the two-year tour. It's pretty quick, but I was like, yeah, we're doing it, we're doing it on this one. Then I wanted the music to just make it where you go, like, oh, it sets a tone. Absolutely. And I think even as a closing, even though it's credits are playing, hearing that music for me is still part of the experience of playing the special. I agree. Putting reinvesting in the special is where it's at.

Exactly. When I bought my suit for my last special for mom jeans, I bought two of them because you sweat through one. Each suit cost $20,000 a piece. And then I had Swarovski crystals put on real Swarovski. That was another $100,000 per suit. But I think it was worth it. I think it was worth it. I think it was worth it.

What do you think? And licensing, Franky goes to Hollywood song, woof my own. That guy sent me a DM to thank me personally. Well, I'll just speak up for the fans here. I just put a lot of good. I'll stick up for the fans. Totally relatable.

Now, you're really good. No, but I took the money Netflix gave me as a salary and just reinvested it, is when I- That part is cool, actually. Yeah, I just rein I took the money Netflix gave me as a salary and just reinvested it is when I was. That part is cool actually. Yeah, I just reinvested the money they gave me. When I did, you guys have heard me talk about spending the money.

I told, you know, you heard me tell Kevin Smith when he was here and I told Terry, I told like directors and a few other people about I wrote the check to make the thing I wanted to make. Yeah. And I can't talk about the I wrote the check to make the thing I wanted to make. Yeah. And I can't talk about the details yet, but I sold it. I sold that show. And the reason that I'm most proud of it

is that I spent money on something creative. I bet on myself. In other words, there's no guarantee you get this money back, but I was like, I want to make this specific thing. And I don't want to go through the process of hearing what somebody else is going to say. And it paid off. I love that.

Make it good. And you make cool stuff. That's the whole point. That's right. Look at the fucking rubbin' his paws together. He loves the word bet. You say bet. You just always bet on you.

And then you you. Okay, so let's get going here. Let's open the show. You ready? Ready. Let's get this ready. Hold on. And here you go. Hi guys, there are five things that you need if you want to live in your car as a vehicle dweller as a nomad. So one of the things I like is this coffee funnel that is from REI. It is called a Soto Helix. I get these coffee filters the number four from the grocery store. Yeah. Yes, you want to live in your car. Welcome. Welcome to your car, so... We're on Segura. You want to see... And Krissty, my little sister.

Welcome to your car, so... Yeah, yeah, yeah, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, Do you want to live in the car? Oh, really a vehicle for it. You can learn to do anything on YouTube. Fix your air conditioning unit, you can learn how to plant watermelon. And you can also use how you can do everything. I use this power bank. It's the energizer.

I use it to charge my song. I also use it to charge my laptop. One of the things that you absolutely need is baby wipes. This is Target brand. It's the up and up brand. I like this scent. These hold it really well, and I use these for cleaning.

Most targets have them and stuff. Yeah. That's cool, Tom. It's so relatable. Well, do you not want to live in your car? Do you want to be a vehicle doeller? Can I tell you something? There was a time in college where I was technically homeless because I didn't have, I was couch serving, but instead of couch serving, I lived in the kitchen. Sure. Because I didn't have, I was couch serving,

but instead of couch serving, I lived in the kitchen. Yeah. And I slept on a food time. But isn't every morning my roommates would come out and make coffee and that's when I would wake up. This is a horror movie. But isn't there something about the language of like, doesn't she say, let me just, yes.

If you want to be. Hi guys, there are five things that you need if you want to live in your car. If you want to live in your car, because when you're on that couch, where you like, man, I'd really love to live in a car. No. I want to kind of better get things going, get my own place with no wheels, just a building with a door living there. That's kind of what I was going with this

is that as a former unhoused person, I believe is what we call them, we don't call them homeless anymore. Yeah. You were transitioning. I was transitioning from unhoused to housed. I did have an 87 Chevy Nova at the time. Hot.

I could, gray with gray interior. Fucking badass. I could have lived in my car. Yeah. I opted to live in my car. Yeah. I opted to live in a kitchen on a food condom. You remember the gays car you ever had? It was my 87, I mean. No, no, it was your Honda insight.

That fucking piece of dollars, I hated that so much. You only hated it because it was hybrid and you thought I was the pussyest gays California ever because I had that. I fucking hated that. Why, but why? It's suck because the AC was bad I think it had fucking Hundred horsepower, so I don't drive fast. You know that come on you don't have to drive fast

But you have to be able to get up and go I mean it you could lay you could lay on the fucking Drop and then we go And then you see it go like 25 30 and you're like fuck it a and then we go, and then you can see it go like 25, 30, and you're like, fuck it, hey. And if you go to a stoplight, the it would automatically go to the kickoff. Yeah, so every time you had a stoplight, that was the worst, that card sucks.

No air, and you're like, do you just sit there revving it? Oh, so the air would come, it was fucking great. Well, can I tell you what I learned to do because you know who hated that car more than you? My dad. Yes. And he came to visit and I was driving around LL in the middle of something.

He's like, you're married to a gay guy. Yeah. And it's so much. But what I learned to do was put it into park when we were at stoplights and just rev the engine to keep him comfortable. But he hated that car. I I know I remember he was like this is just this thing I just hate this so much.

You're also going to need a peacock. McDonald's stock, a big old call for when you can't make it to a bathroom. The last thing would be window coverings. Window coverings are window coverings, I thought it was a figure cup to shit in. For privacy. You can do this until you make your own. Have a great day. Hold on, there's a few questions I have. So where does she make browns? Well, yeah, I mean, she talked about where you have to piss. I get that and then she should have been like,

sometimes you're gonna need to dump. And this is a bowl for pasta. I also use it as a shitter. Yeah, this is Madani. You should, but then she probably has safe havens, public places, like Starbucks or bookstores are really great to shit in too. Yeah, you can. Bookstores are probably a good one because you can always, and people that are in bookstores

and work there, are you generally kind of weird? Yeah. Like they're not like, hey, how's it going? So if you can go in there and just stare at the ground, no one's going to be like, this part, they're like, this is our regular customer. And that can be just you thinking about how bad you have to shit. And then if you just like look at some, but the whole thing is like, what am I going to get here? Yeah. Then you like, I just have to use the restroom. Then you go, you shit. And then you can leave. Yeah. And you know, they don't expect you to buy anything. You're

expected to loiter, which is great, because you're just looking at books and it's air conditioned in the summertime. And here's a thing, just have a couple of book questions ready. You know, just walk into and be like, Hey, I wonder, do you have anything on human sexuality? Or financial porn? Yeah, there's just a secret here.

They can grow rich by Napoleon and Hollywood. There's one I really like, and then they tell you, like, okay, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom. Well, you're done. It is hot, boy, summer. I have been, as you pointed out, getting into cool hobbies and doing so much of it. And then last episode, I texted, arguably my best friend, Jason Momma, and I, I, I, I said, which motorcyclist? Should I get? Cause I know he loves bikes.

And he didn't write back there in the show, but later he did. And, um, he talked a lot. We, he fucking loves. That's the thing is like, I have, uh, my car friends. I have my, um, all my, this is, um, this is, yeah, this is really him. He's, if you're gonna get a Harley. Yeah, he fucking, he's pumped about this. He stoked about it. I have my car friends, I have fucking gun friends, sure.

I have watch friends, I have flying friends, chopper and now I have motorcycle friends. The whole thing is I'm going to put them all together. I'm going to take a helicopter, lift a car, check the time, pull the lever, have it drop, and then a motorcycle comes out of the back. That's what I'm going to do for my 45th birthday. Wow. That sounds really reckless and dangerous.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, who's this cop? I get it, but can I tell you this? Yeah. There is no better way to start that. There's no cup of coffee, like 39 degree water.

Like when you come out of that thing, I did it this, I've done it because we've been loading up on podcasts and it is kind of like a draining, you know, like, experience throughout the day when you're like planning it out and just trying to come in with like the right energy and do all the stuff. When I start the day with that,

I have a much better day. I go from the cold plunge, I dry off, and I go right to work out. By the way, it changes your core temperature so much that I don't sweat for fucking, look at her, like 30 minutes. Sorry, man. Sorry, man.

I fucking, look, I love the feeling. The feeling lasts for a few hours. Why is it so hard for you to listen to? It's just, it's like, it's my nightmare. What's your nightmare? Basically, what you're doing is traumatizing yourself every morning, putting yourself in your body in a state of shock and then being like,

this is great. You're actually right, because your brain goes into fight or shock, and then being like, this is great. You're actually right, because your brain goes into fight or flight mode, and it releases this cocktail. I know, I die. I die. I die. I die.

And then your body goes, we lived, and you get the thrill of that for a few hours. I thought we were about to die, and you're like, well, we were if we stayed in there. Yeah. I think because, like, a cold is my nightmare. It is, you're terrible at cold. I'm never gonna get in. I'm like, it's probably 100 degrees outside, and I have to wear a cold is my nightmare. It is, you're terrible at cold.

I mean, you're gonna be right now. It's probably a hundred degrees outside and I have to wear a sweater to feel normal. I'm just a reptile, I don't like it. Secondly, I get my kicks on positive life affirming things, not like I cheated death today. Will you try it once? No, I'd rather die.

What about this, what about this, what about this? Just hear me out, just hear me out. Okay, I'd rather die. What about this? What about this? What about this? Just hear me out. Just hear me out. Okay, I do three minutes. Your friends came over to the house and they each did three minutes. Yeah. Would you do 30 seconds? No.

20 seconds? No. But, can I tell you something? Can I tell you something? Five seconds? Physically, my body's been through enough. I've squeezed two people out of me. My body is split in half. Do you something? Five seconds. Physically my body's been through enough. I've squeezed two people out of me. My body is split in half.

Do you understand? That's... I think I'm all good on it. Over. Yeah. I've had my asshole, my taint ripped and sewn up. I've had my asshole fingered. It's not that fucking bad.

Fingered, it's ripped and sewn. I'm good. I don't need any more pain in my sleep. Speaking of that. You want to talk about the should I take this morning? No. But go ahead. I'm saying that, you know what excites me

and gets me revved up in the morning. What's that? Do you ever have a body function so good? Yeah. That you reminisce about it. Yes. Hours later. I know exactly what you mean.

Babe, I took the biggest dump this morning. Yeah. It was totally unexpected. Like, it was one of those sneaky ones where you were like, this could be nothing. And it was so much came out of me. Was it one piece or was it? No, three biggies. Wow.

Solid. Yeah. Okay. Really good. Because I've been eating those salads Wow, solid. Yeah, really good. Cause I've been eating those salads, you know. Yeah. And your summer salad. My summer salad. The text one, by the way. It's really good. It's really good.

And I was fucking, I stood up and I was like, God damn, knew that was so good. Yeah, I have sneezes like that. Yeah. Sometimes I, sometimes I bust nuts that I think about. Really? And then P. Would you replay them? I replay.

Yeah, well the memory phase. Oh my God. So that's the thing is it does fail. Like then it becomes a memory of a memory. Yeah. The same thing with dumps and P. Like some of the P's are just really great. Sneez is like I said, I really love.

I don't care for P's as much. I did fart in the pool. Yeah. And the bubble came up and burst and it smelled. And I thought that was pretty remarkable. But hold on, was it a big bubble and it was a big smell in your face? Yeah, so like, like,

Describe it, come on, so the people are listening. I'm in the pool, I fart, I see the bubble come up and I'm like, huh, and then it popped and I was like, ugh, like it really stunk. So it like it was a gas bomb that came up. That was pretty special because

that doesn't happen every time. I've had it happen a few times. Yeah. I did get by the way last week, when I left, I did get a wink out at Nadaav on that. Yeah, I like when you do that. Now I'm on. Did you like it?

It's funny, because like I know you guys are on your way out and all of a sudden, I just hear a huge fart and then I look over my shoulder and then we make eye contact and you wink at me. So it's like it's literally just for me. That was for you. That's kind of neat. That was pretty special. But now I like it and I wish you you could be around on the weekend so that he could do that because he has no

going to do that too. I got to get I got to do it more around him. Maybe we could just have him around a more. Yeah. You just hang it off. Yeah. Maybe he could FaceTime him when it happens. You know you're talking about your butthole, getting ripped apart. I have something to show you.

Okay. It's so good. What's your name? My name is Demarco Flimmy. Are you gay? I'm bisexual. Are you top or bottom? I'm a top, dumb top, a grussel top.

Can you describe what dumb top means? Dumb top means which means I grab you by your back and then put your face down, ask up and fuck the shit out of you and have you walk crazy for days. Well crazy for days. Crazy for days, mech means you be real sore and you be calling me on the phone. Daddy, Demalco, I need help. I'm sore, give me some town hall. That's what that means. I'm so give me some town or that's what that means Okay, honestly, I don't think I can handle it, but I appreciate your honest stuff. I know you can't help I could tell the way you walk you can't handle it my thick is big they call me king Kong my pants I know you can't handle, but I'll make sure I go real gentle with you Thank you so much. I like a gentle, right? so that is de Marco

Fleming and I like it my like is Fleming. I like it. Am I like his Hutz-Hutz. Oh, he's got a lot of Hutz-Hutz but- By the way, he would split that little boy in half. Yeah. He's little. And he, um.

He's even 18, Jesus. So he's, like some people talk that talk and you're like, this guy's full of shit. Oh, that guy, fucks. And then some guys are Demarco Fleming and you're like, yeah. This guy will fucking ruin you. And it's also because what I like about Demarco

is he is a man of a certain age. So you know that he's been doing this for years. Like he's not joking about the size of his dick. No. And he's not joking about the fact that you're gonna be sore and probably calling him or other people for help. Yeah. He's traumatized so many behors.

My immediate thought when I first thought this would be like, well, it'd be so funny if he did that to Nadav. To fuck his butthole and the handicaps. Into being handicapped, yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You're doing this new thing where you send me clips. They're like, would it be funny if this handicapped you? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Yeah, I like this new lane. But here's a deal of difference between that little boy and a dove. The dove's got some weight. He does have some weight to him. He's big. Not in my asshole. No, but you could push back. If he held on to you, you know, and he was, and like, he was like, he would go bitch ass

and the dove or whatever he called you and they just you know aggressively you know he would fucking really hard. So hard. Nadav could take it though better than that little boy. That's what I'm saying. So and then but Nadav also has a bad back and this is why I thought about it. He's like I'm a bad bad. He has a bad back.

Bad back. Sometimes he'll come in and he'll walk weird already. I'm like why are you walking like that? He's like I I'm a bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad Like one like there's some Monday where like where is the dog and like all these in the hospital It's like what happened he's like he went back to see tomorrow. It couldn't get enough of daddy's a But then he's in like the you know the spinal paralysis unit or whatever and Just like laughing and smiling. I don't like I think that's what hurts me the most Is that the thought of me being Handicap yeah makes you laugh. Well, yeah. So, we all go to visit and we're like,

what happened? Was he in a car accident? He's just like, the Marco. And we're like, oh no. Marco paralyzed at the end. But we would still have him work here. For sure.

And we would have to mark on and feel like, I'm sorry. And it would be worth it too, because it's probably the best pounding of his life, because Daddy Demarco's a professional. Sure. Daddy Demarco. Yeah. My family would be like, the dog, why can't you move anymore? Yeah.

I'll be like, well, you know, I'll hug out with my friend Daddy D and, you know, he'd do something like that. And also, give me some talent. What, yeah. And also, wouldn't it just be like a beautiful swirl of red hair, red pubic hair and sweat and blood and con? And the look of them together would be, it'd be hot. It would be kind of cool, yeah.

Like, the Marcos' chocolate skin. Yeah. And Nadav's kind of pale and red. And red. Like the color, it's like really like a Jackson Pollock painting. It's just everything is there, really. Are you freckled too? You're very fair.

Yes. I mean, whatever the sun hits, I have freckles. I have to walk crazy for days. Yeah. Look, I'll try anything twice, but I don't think I'll try the Marco one. No, I wouldn't, I would definitely anything twice, but I don't think I'll try the one go well. No, I wouldn't, I would definitely not get my whole mask on this guy. But my V.

He has a man, a lot of men, and I might be different for gay men, and what they want. But for straight men, there is kind of a certain thrill about hearing that a woman, you made a woman's sore. Yeah, sure. Right, because it makes you feel like, I really, you really did some parents. Really split her ham, you know? I really like, Split her ham, you know? Like a,

I am. I just, you know, Don top, a brush of top. Yeah, I gave it to her, you know? Yeah. But how do you, because I think gay men might enjoy the soreness more, does it like the women not enjoy it as much?

Like a sore episode? I'm sorry. Are you asking me if a gay guy I'm asking you as a woman? Sure. Whether being sore from like a real pounding is actually a turn on or not. Or be like, I guess it's more like a...

No, I like it because, I mean, you're the only one that's pounded my V in 20 years now. The other last time we did it actually, I went to go potty and I wiped and I was like, oh, how, Tommy really did some work. And it's a nice remember. It's apropos or earlier discussion. Oh, that's nice, you guys. And our earlier discussion of like, it's like, oh, I took that shit this morning and I keep

reliving it, reminiscing. Yeah. And then I think, oh yeah, remember we pounded. We know why you were sore. Why? Don't talk aggressive talk. Yeah. You know, this is what Joey Diaz would call an old school.

F, an old school. Oh. A real. No, no, no, no. Isn't this a real? I mean, yeah, but I mean, yeah, I get what you said. But this is like old school guy that's like, I'm aggressive. Top of a down. I'm going to fuck shit. I like, you don't, I miss these kind of days. The thing is,

this guy is actually probably, you know, he's gay, right? He's gay. Obvious. He's bisexual. He's gay. So he's gay, but he's not like, he's not swishing around. Right. And he doesn't play that shit, but he's probably, you know what I mean? Like, it's got just like men. Yeah. But he'll still fucking knock your fucking teeth out, you know?

Maybe while fucking you with his dick, but also, you know, for talking some shit to him. Like, you can't just like go up to DeMarco and... No, but he's had to be tough probably. Probably his upbringing upbringing his neighborhood Yeah, yeah, yeah, he grew up in a tougher time to be a gay man sure Yeah, he's about to eat this kid interview on him. Oh this little morsel this little twink has no shot There's fear in this little

Because he's like it was nice to meet you Please go away. Yeah, yeah, cuz he tries to kiss him. I didn't you know, I didn't see that. Yeah, you didn't. I got you all that. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. You cannot kiss. No, I have a boyfriend. He has a boyfriend. I got a husband. What does that mean? He has to engage me on my neck. It was the program. My name is the walk of Fleming, all right? Period. Thank you. You're good. It's a pleasure. My pleasure. Thank you. You're awesome. He is awesome. He is terrified. He is absolutely terrified. Yes. Yeah. He would split him just to destroy his asshole.

This kid wouldn't be able to get up and lock every. But Nadav could take a pounding death. I can definitely take it. I don't know where you guys are getting that from. I don't like maybe a pinky in there I could do, but like I cannot take a full demarko in there. But you've got the, you've got meat on your bones, you can push back on it.

We'll try to set it up. So we had a fascinating chat amongst ourselves about this dude who was on humans of New York. Man, this, this, we read this incredible, if you missed it, we read this incredible caption, which is what he said. And for those of you that missed it, it's up on Humans of New York on the Instagram page.

We talked about it at length on a couple of the last few episodes. But it was this dude Rex, who talked about how he's one of those people that can, like, hold their orgasm, their ejaculate in, But it was this dude Rex who talked about how he's one of those people that who can like hold their orgasm, they're ejaculate in, have an internal orgasm essentially. And we played that and we talked about it, like I said, at length. And then he said how there was, you know, he was giving thousands of orgasms. It sounded like pretty braggadocious. And then he was like, I'm not doing that anymore

because I don't wanna make it hard on them, on women. He doesn't wanna break their hearts. Yeah, he's like, and then he's like, it must suck for them to like, have sex with me, and then have to eat dirty, sock soup for the rest of your lives. Well, no, because women were falling in love with each other. Filling in love.

He would find like, shrines built to him. To him in a woman's house, and he was like, I was really fuck with people So we we talked about it like I said and and and then there's a new post now the new post is this one This yeah, and this one it's it's a it's a it's a new one from humans of New York It's him again and he's in a sauna and there's two women He looks like he's he's giving a sauna, and there's two women. He looks like he's giving a foot rub to one, and the other one's just laying there.

And the quote on this one says, I'm basically a big butch lesbian. I hosted lesbian parties for 10 years, and let me tell you, they adore me. A lot of my closest friends are big butch lesbians. Certainly my best bodybuilding partners, amazing, aggressive, powerful women. Very dominant over the males in the gym. Not dominant over me, of course, unless they're busting my balls because strong women are ball busters. They're just like the dudes. They are the dudes. They just happen to be dudes that are

dude-ets. They understand both sides of the fence, which is why we get along so well. Don't get me wrong, I'm still friends with a lot of dude dudes, but a lot of guys are just too rough around the edges when it comes to women. I don't want any part of it. I find it grotesque. One term I've been hearing these last couple years is body count. I've heard men say, what's her body count? They're referring to the amount of people a woman has been with. What a pathetic, disgusting, wormy question. How dare you? This is an independent soul. This is the human that needs to be treated with honor and respect.

This isn't some piece of property you can put in a box. Imagine thinking someone is not worthy of you because they were a little experimental when they were younger or even when they were older. That's their choice. Leave them alone. Woman can be with whoever she wants, whenever she wants, however she wants. If you ask me, it all comes down to insecurity. A lot of women think if she's had a lot of lovers, there will definitely have been somebody better than me.

They feel threatened and they try to make that the woman's problem. What a sad way of viewing things. No matter how many lovers a person has had, they'll never have been with another you. Every person comes to the table with what they bring to the table. All of us are exactly what we are, different. All that, and all, sorry, and that is what makes us also special. There's a typo there. So...

Oh, it's a little different dimension than we're seeing. That is a different... And that's a very insightful and thoughtful kind of outlook on being with a whore after some slight brag and you used up kind of. You're trying to justify being with this absolute trash bag of a human or fucks. No self respect. Half of a city and doesn't care about her own body

and just gives it to everybody. And then you can be like, oh, you know, we're all different people. So. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. This fucking slut. That doesn't care about herself.

Why should I? So anyway, this guy, I mean, there's just so much to unpack in all of his posts, but he's fascinating. And we have a little treat for ourselves and for you, the listeners and viewers. Sweat. We're going to talk to Rex right now. Oh my God, the legend.

What if he's like, yeah, them. Rex. This is him. Hey, man, how are you? This is Tom Sagura. Thanks for you? This is Tom Sagura. Thanks for taking the call. Tom Sagura.

Listen, I'm never going to hotel once again. Thank you. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry about that. I'm actually, you don't have to worry about hotel rooms because now I only have internal orgasms. I don't ejaculate anywhere. It's good. It's good. You're gonna get superpowers. Dude, I'm Microcosmic or real energy raisins for the next level brother. Dude, I'm so excited to talk to you. I'm not at all. I'm here with

Tell that woman to keep it down. I Oh, that was that was actually a beautiful Hound fuck you. I beautiful, how I'm with me right now. I know I'm here with Christina. Hi, Rex. Uh, can we just talk about the meow meow? Sure. What love you're special. Oh, thank you so

much. Everything I'd be able to talk to the two of you guys. Oh, well, we're both now. Well, huge fans of you. We, um, we, we, uh, we saw that. We saw that post and we were so marveled by it. And we've actually talked about it at length even more, even with other guests. And I, you know, I think I was just very insecure and jealous at how powerful you are in the bedroom. And I just, I have the truth. It's another person like any other person.

I just happen to be lucky enough to have a rectal dysfunction by the age of 19. Did you really have ED at 19 years old? So I don't know if you know the term, like when people have high testosterone, there's a term called bedhumping. Or if you have very high testosterone, a lot of young men,

from like, whether it be from eight years old or 11 years old, whenever they start catching hard ons and they're asleep, they start to bedhump. You don't even know that they're doing it. So they desensitize their penises. Well, for me, I had been around so many beautiful women from a young age. My mother had worked at a lingerie bar, grew up around topless new bars.

And then at the age of 14, I grew up in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. So I was there during the whole spring break, capital of the world, the entire era. And so with that happening, everything was different for me. And there's just beautiful women everywhere all the time. I just was always around it and so visually it was very overstimulating. So you became like this obviously like really great lover. Is it a combination of the fact that you studied, you read this information? What's that? No, it matches. When the post came out, it's written well, but I haven't been with thousands of people and just have an interview with the right people and shared the right energy

for those that we have shared it back and forth. if you do the work, like I said in the interview, because the interview is a little different from the post. Yeah, for sure. It is what I said, but it's not in the exact, always exact order of how I said it, and exactly how I said it is, worth a word, pretty much what I've said. Is your lot of your high level,

like the fact that you're so good at this with whomever, is it a lot of hand stuff? Using your hands to achieve this? It is about being very sensitive, asking what the other partner needs. A lot of times people are very insensitive, or I should say, are so sensitive that they're afraid to talk. Yes. You have to then listen and watch them and see how sensitive they are to these things.

Yes. For the most important things that a man or woman with whoever their partner is can do is to watch the eyes, watch the facial expressions, watch the breathing, take your time. Be as soft and gentle as possible until someone tells you different. Soft works a lot better than hard. Soft and slow and steady. The big thing is about taking your time and asking the right questions. Sometimes those right questions can't even be asked. So I tell people on a regular basis, especially

men that I'm friends with, because there's a lot of men out there that don't know that they're just going around bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, absolutely not. You've got to take your time. Like for me, I'm rarely a guy that means into a kiss. I have to be leaned into because I'm nervous. I'm six foot four, about 255 pounds. I'm a little bit intimidating. So the last thing I want to do is make someone feel intimidated. Yes. And especially nowadays with the way everything is. I have to be even softer than I was before. And I've had a lot of girls like, hey, are you not interested in me? I'm like, I don't super interested in you. Because we're on

three, four, five dates. And I've never tried to kiss them. Rex can I ask you? Rex so do we just so we're clear do you not use your penis with with these women? Oh my god are you kidding me of course there's there's there's you're having sex at any level that you choose to with the partner that you're with, but I have had a lot of partners that I chose not to take as we call it the Lingam, the wand of light, the seenis, or as my favorite, Christina, he said, the painter. Yeah, the painter.

Yeah, there's been a lot of partners where I've chosen to actually give them great orgasms. They allow me to share with them their bodies, my body, but I don't even take my pants off. I can probably say, it's embarrassing because I'm a little bit too active when I was younger and somewhat active this past year's been kind of a good year. I probably had somewhere over 150 partners that have never taken my pants off.

So hold on, if you were to give my husband directions today, tell him what to do, Rex, you tell Tom. Oh, you want to talk about hands-on stuff or you want to call my co-companions? Yes, no, we want energy raising. Wow, my hands both. Let's just go hands-on's not okay the microcosmic for the energy raising and all of the other electrical body stuff you don't want to learn from me okay i am a squirrel trying to get a nut in

that world when it comes to montaggia you could get one of his audio books i can literally give you a list of his audio book okay take that the first one the first one most importantly beyond in my opinion is always the motive we work as a woman by him and you can always do great work with that then there's a deeper one to think book but the worthy read for both of you and it's the healing down by montagia now both of those are life changing in my opinion or those and this is my

opinion but are you ordering? Yeah, I'm having the producers, order them right now. Oh, there's such fantastic books. You're gonna be sure. I want the listeners to hear the order of those Montecchia books so far we know,

take your time, pay attention, look at the eyes, and now I'm running for it. These important things are just the most basic of basic things people do. They don't listen to the significant other, and that's a sad thing. Whether it be man and a man or woman and a woman, there's a list literally for you. Very important is Qi Gong for prostate health and sexual vigor. That is for you, Tom. That is for you Tom. That is for you. That's for our boy Burke who's got that heavy belly. All right. Come on. That's dangerous.

Let's be honest. It's dangerous and it's growing. It's growing. Look. I couldn't believe it was you when I saw that when all like a hundred people sent me your YouTube I sent tears laughing by the way. Okay, okay, you guys are so perfect. Thank you. Thank you. It's just so good to see a couple that's so delicious, inspirational. Thank you. I always worry about him when I see his stuff, you know, because he has lots of ways to keep you. You're you're you are three times healthier looking than any special I've seen on. Well, thanks, man. Thank you. That's, that's for, and by the way, you look, you look incredible. You look incredible. I know that you fit. You're not, uh, from the same, you look incredible.

I'm going to say yes, bro. I like to work out. It's obvious. I mean, you're, you're jacked. It's awesome. It's, It is inspiring to see that too. Can I ask you one thing? Because we have to jump here. But if there's any other bit of advice where you can get to somebody who wants to get started in, I know you said to get the books and the intuitive stuff about love-making. But somebody who's looking for like, oh, one thing you could say to a beginner who wants to up their skill in that realm

of being a great lover and maybe maintaining their ejaculate inside of it. Is there anything you could- Honestly, I think you could be- I wanted a sword. Is there anything ads out there for other people? There's an app called Dr. Kegel. You don't have that app as a male.

Get it. Dr. Kegel. All right. All right. And the Kegel app will make all the difference. And the truth is, because men aren't doing their Kegels and women are. And that's a huge thing. Everybody needs to do their Kegels.

Prosthet Health on both sides. Manitory, mandatory, mandatory. If you don't have your dentian, your center line, and your, your, doing them right now. Your lower abdominals, pain, pro, probably.

So your pelvic floor, as it said. Yep. If you don't have that train properly, you're not gonna age well. Not too crazy. It's true. Also work on your grip. Now you're like,

what, how does that happen to do? Your feet, your hands, your pelvic floor. Rex, thank you for picking up. Thank you for chatting with us, man. We have a really good time talking to you. And we love the posts. Thank you. Thank you for being the funniest people. Oh, you're sweet. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Well, he's a lovely guy. What is sweet guy? What is sweetheart? And I believe believe that he really is genuinely that sweet. And that is a key collection. That is great, because there's some pussy

that I remember where the women, like they could make their basically, they're pussy's talk, you know, they like, like, like that. And I think he said, like, it's good for women, but also men, we need to be doing that too. You wanna make your dicks come up and down? No, you do that.

Yeah, you can do that. But I think you can really hold on to your orgasm if you have a strong pub floor. You can hold it like that. 50 times, 50 times. 50 times. 50 times down. 50 times.

Right to the right. And the family, oh, got them. OK, so that's circumstances. Let's check them in the main hall hall. We just say, it's circumstances. It's circumstances them in the main hook. We just say, it's circumstances. Stances, they, you know. There he is. That is the worst sound.

His fake orgasm is. All right, let's take a quick break and we'll be right back. And we're back. I just had four internal orgasms and I'm super thrilled to be welcoming back to the show. One of our favorites, he has a new book out. It's called We're All In This Together. So make some room.

It's Tom Papa, everybody. Bum bum bum bum bum bum. I'm holding a coffee. You're holding my book and people gonna buy it. Congratulations. Thank you. I give the advice that you gave me that I listened to for a week.

I'll show you this before. Yeah. Which is, write some every day in this window of time, and then over the course of a month or two, you'll be like, oh, I've written so much. Yeah. And you won't feel a panic of like, oh my God, how do I finish this, which is what I eventually

did and felt. But did you stick to that approach with this as well? Yeah. That is the right way to do it. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. I like did it and felt, but did you stick that approach with this as well? Yeah, I, that is the right way to do it. I did pretty much. Yeah, I like doing it. I like just sitting and, and noodling around and. How much time will you spend? A day.

A couple hours. A couple hours. Yeah, and some of it you're not doing anything. You're just staring. Yeah, you know. Yeah. And if my wife walks down the hallway, like I feel like I have to make noise.

Yeah. So I'll just literally type this. Oh, yeah. This is the hallway, like I feel like I have to make noise. Yeah. So I'll just literally type this. Yeah. This is the sound of typing stay out of my office. Yeah. If you make a noise, people are like, oh, yeah. But sometimes you're just sitting there spaced out. And the door shut, you just go like, yeah.

And they're like, oh, something going on in there. Yeah, I can't. I just stop us from knocking on your door. Yeah, no, it doesn't. Are you into VR yet? Are you into the Oculus? No, why? Just because that's a cool thing dads are into.

Is it also a way to shut out your family too? If you're looking for ways to get away. Yeah, but I'm pretty self conscious of looking like a moron. You know, like having that thing on your head is kind of. Oh, it's so embarrassing and it dries up my pussy. That's why that's my fear. Yeah.

Why are you into it? Nah, that's just a... Same people do it. It's pretty cool, I'll send you one. It's pretty rad. Take it in a nice bath and try the oculus at the same time. Try the oculus and then get back to me. Really?

Is it amazing? It's pretty fucking amazing. Is it? Yes. Yeah, it? Is it amazing? It's pretty fucking amazing. Is it? Yes. Yeah, it's great. You're getting a motorcycle? I mean, yeah. I guess.

Don't get a, what does he tell you need to get? A Harley. Yeah. Looking at different Harley's. Or like a cruiser. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Oh, that's fun.

That's good. Well, are the handlebars up here? They can be. They can be, but I think I'm better here. Yeah. Yeah, because isn't this heard after like five minutes? Yeah, it looks really cool for a while. It does, yeah.

But yeah, don't any type of, you know, time will spend on it. You're like, I'm regretting this. You're kind of hanging on to it. Yeah. No, but I was worried you would get like a dood-coddy or a twine. No, no, no.

I was crotch-rocketed things. Yeah, no, no, I'm not going to do that. Did you have a ride bikes? Yeah, forever. Really? Uh-huh. Tell us about it. I had a crotch rocket thing. I'm not gonna do that. Did you ever ride bikes? Yeah, forever. Really? Tell us about it. I had a Yamaha Virago, was my like Harley knockoff, East Coast. East Coast. And my father's a big biker.

Oh wow. And he rode my whole life. Yeah, that was my bike. Look at that. Virago. That's pretty. And my wife and I went across country when we were dating for only a couple of months

we got on that bike. And we went all around the country for five weeks. Oh my God. Yeah, and that's when we fell in love. That's when we knew. So that's a fight. Big for you. It was huge.

It was huge. My father goes on these trips every June with his buddies and he would just take off for like a week And then go like a East Coast Nova Scotia down to like a Asheville like all these different places and When I graduate I was never allowed to have a bike because it would have ruined his like my mother would have freaked out So when I graduated high College I got my first bike and then got to go on trips with him. Was it easy to learn? Was it tough? Was it easy?

Yeah, do you not know how to do it? I've only spent like, I only rode one once for two minutes and then I did a dirt bike one. I said, so I've never spent significant time on one. Yeah, no, it's easy. I mean, you got to pick your places because the roads are hairy now. Yeah, you know. open road, somewhere. Open road, off hours early, really early, because, you know, God forbid something happens. It was, you do have more control when you're on it, like you feel like you can control it, like you're more aware of traffic and hot holes and other people.

But it's definitely a thing. Like I stopped when I moved to LA. Cause it's too crazy in LA, it's insane. And I had my first kid at the time. And I was just that combination was like, I couldn't do it. Was that some people in LA actually felt like it's, or feel like it's the thing to have?

Alonzo. Yeah, because you can just like go, you know, you don't sit the way. Alonzo. Yeah, because you can just go, you know, you don't sit the way people sit in traffic. Yeah, yeah. But Alonzo's alone. Yeah. You know, if something happened to him, you know, his dog doesn't get fed.

Yeah, you know. Right. I had a whole family. Yeah, that's funny, Tom. Is it an Alonso family? Well, that's an Alonso family. Well, that's it. Does anyone else have responsibilities? It's a good thing we don't live in LA. Yeah, you live in Austin.

There's no traffic here, right? No. No. It's a joke. You're constantly saying what a joke, the traffic's a Jewish. It is, isn't it? You're right. My father's in New Jersey in New York, and he's been on a bike since my whole life. He's 70, 70 still doing it. Okay, so that's good. Yeah. You just gotta be smart, you're smart, you handle it. Yeah. And cruiser is that that, just that, that you're looking at those bikes,

means that your head's in the right place. Thank you. Yeah, that you're not just gonna go out there blasting. No. Yeah. You're just gonna be very relaxed. Air relax. Just have to.

Air relax. Air relax. What I like, I like that. I like that. You're like this. Just hold trend towards electric size. Yeah. It does like loud cards, because you actually make your cars louder.

Yeah, that's true. They're loud. Yeah. My mom goes on the back. My mom would be on the back and they would go through Europe together and stuff. Come on. That's nice. Yeah. You know what?

I'd make my cars louder. It's like doing kegilexercises. It makes my peepee go up. Oh yeah. No, I know. Listen, you're a high octane guy. You mean you're thrilled. I can't tame this wild man.

He's a wild man. Yeah. He's going to get Tom an Oculus and I'm going to get a cold plunge. What do you do on the Oculus? Well, the first thing I did was a space tour. Woo! That was pretty cool. And then I signed up to serve our country.

So I have been doing missions for the United States military that are kind of top secret, but I've been going to the Middle East. And cheese. Is it hot there? It's very hot. It's very hot. Wow. But I had the appropriate attire.

You did. Yeah. Are you camera? You know what sucks is I had all the gear on too. Oh geez. I got my vest and I got my weapons and jeez. It's rough, dude. That is rough.

A lot of times you think about, yeah, but what am I doing here is it's for everybody back home Thank you first. Thank you for your service I'm welcome. Thank you. Do you know where the planes are really I Actually just did and they ask me they're like are you yeah, um, yeah current like servant and I was like hmm actually Yes, yeah, obviously, yeah, right like you have military ideas like don't be fucking rude Don't be fucking rude. How about salute? Yeah, yeah, obviously, right? Like you have military ideas like don't be fucking rude. Don't be fucking rude. How about salute? Yeah.

Yeah. So I'm, you know, Tom and I are going through our midlife crises respectively. I've been going to goth shows, you know, like the same bounds I've like my whole life. I've been rebying the t-shirts from my youth stuff like that. Yeah. Cold plunge, helicopter lessons, motor cycle, race cars.

Did you go through midlife crisis? Yeah, kind of, but it was, my midlife crisis was happening at a time where I really didn't have much freedom to do stuff. I didn't get like, I just got kind of cranky. I just got kind of like that counts. Yeah, yeah, it was a lot of that Yeah, did you get angry at your wife and kids for trapping you in this fucking life that kind of stuff? Yeah some of that some of some like a regret of like all the choices I had made or that they made me make, you know. But I had, yeah, I feel like I got a lot, it wasn't like the typical like car

bands like that part of it. Sure, what did you do, heroin? No, I think I had done it all before, you know what I mean, And then it kind of, so like I wasn't going back to drugs. Kick a homeless guy. You were sleeping? Anger. Yeah, we do a lot of passive aggressive stuff, because I was in New York at the time.

Yeah. So a lot of like shoving businessmen on the subway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little hip shoulders. Shoulders. Yeah. Yeah. I probably drank more.

Sure. I think drank more. Yeah. And I put it under the guys of I'm just a grown-up now I just do this and it's like why are you having martinis every day? And ignoring your family You know what I mean like that kind of thing, but it didn't last shout in like in those other ways Well, that's kind of cool. You just continue, you, you, you stopped it inside. How long did that last?

It's not an exciting way to do it. No, it sounds more fun like what you guys are doing. No, it sounds torturing though. You're very self took it out on, on you, which is kind of nice for your wife anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she doesn't get worried about you dying and stuff, you know? Yeah, you could drink yourself to death. Oh, that's true.

Were you that level? No, no. It was just a two and then fall asleep. Yeah, yeah. It was a boring with life crisis. Did it last long? No. Did you get like an awareness about it?

You're like, oh, I see what I'm doing. Yeah, yeah, for sure. It was a little bit like, yeah, because you're so self-aware. Yeah, I'm like, why do I have to take a nap? Why am I trying to take a nap so I have more energy at four so I can get energy to drink it for?

This is my biggest thing about like my friends and my schedule for a while. That drink and I always on me for like, I don't really drink. Yeah. And my main thing, it's not like, oh, I have discipline, is that like, I just hate the feeling of having to take a nap.

Yeah, I hate amid, I'm like, I'm, every time I have a drink, I'm like, I'm tired. I know, exactly day drinking. Yeah, I hate it. I know, I do too. I hate that feel, like, for me, it's an evening, night time thing only. Yeah, 100%.

Yeah, like, it seems appealing, sit outside with your friends thing only. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, like it seems appealing. Sit outside with your friends. And right away, I'm like, drink. Yeah, I got to go to sleep. I got to go to sleep. It's such an interesting thing, though, that you're asking, like, because I don't really, I didn't have like the car thing or the,

I guess it was just that. Did you have your youth? Did you want to do things from your past? Did you look up old girlfriends on Facebook? Yeah, but that's all the time. Yeah. Right? What's this bitch doing?

Yeah. I only use Facebook to see who's gotten fat. I like that. Yeah. Like, ugh. You know, like just to see how shit the other people's hearts are down. Yeah, I knew it.

A little pep and a step. Yeah, you really knew. You really thought you had it going on. Yep, I knew it. A little pep and a step. Yep, you really knew. You really thought you had it going on? Yeah, you fucking bitch. Senior year. Look at you now, fatso. Are you doing Steph?

It's fun to see. Yeah, Steph. Fucking Stephanie. Somebody who was kind of full of themselves. You know, it's like, yeah. Kind of worth a ride. Uh-huh. Yes, 100%.

I have a few. There's a few that I check on regularly. Like girls in rotation. I'm like, how's that bitch doing? Wow. That sucks. Cool. Oh, is that so another guy?

Only in low days though. Like when I need a little boost in me. Oh, you're good. Yeah. Don't you have people you go to? I have, okay. And then I have Instagram profiles that I go to just to pet myself up to.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's nobody from my past though. That's a lot. I have two so two is okay, Facebook is for the past. Instagram's for the present. Oh, okay. Two categories.

That is actually pretty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And what's funny about the Instagram is that they think they're killing it. Yeah. They think they're, they're not really aware. They're. Do you think everybody, so you know how we all share posts

of certain comedians? Yeah, like we all do that. Yeah. Yeah, I wonder if somebody's sharing my, like my post. Yeah, probably. I think so. That's why sometimes I don't post. Yeah, because you're like, I don't wanna.

Yeah. Yeah, because I think the people that why sometimes I don't post yeah cuz you're like I don't want to yeah Yeah, cuz I think the people that are really good at it never have the feeling like no, I shouldn't right right right They just do it. They just go and They have to be aware or maybe it just doesn't bother them that someone's like look what yeah Of course yeah, Johnny's doing it. Yeah But I have that thing thing pretty deep of like, oh, come on. And it's really, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, 100% anything sincere anything that's like Oh, I know overly sexy overly sexy Oh, especially the overly sexy

or over sharing Yeah, the male version of that is Yeah, there's a couple guys comedy guys that are just like 20, it's very sexual Yeah, or telling people how to live Oh, here's what you need to do Here's what you need to do Exactly, that is a that, you're gonna be mocked.

Well, anybody who, like, because you see it, whether it's in comedy or in, like, unsolicited advice from anyone who, like, here's what, yeah, we get it as comedians from other people who are telling you about comedy sometimes and you're like, what? Who asked you? Yeah, I didn't ask this at all.

No, yeah. Yeah, people are, like, I got the answer's you. Yeah. I didn't ask this at all. No. Yeah. Yeah, people are like, I got the answer for you. Yeah. So bad or like, when people get real political on Instagram, I can wear the advocate stuff and they're like, what are you doing? Hey, where'd that come from?

Yeah, like, I don't want to know. There's this thing that happens in for comedians that get popular. Is if you get popular, there's this time where you make a choice. I'm going to become an advocate, where I'm going to stay a comedian. Right.

And like, sign fell, for instance, it was like, no, I'm a comedian. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like, these things, he I'm sure he cares about. Sure. But he's just like, I'll just stick to like, yeah, it should be doing cars.

And like, yeah. That I like. Because and like, yeah, that I like because it's such a bummer when they. It's a bummer. It is a bummer. Like, don't have an agenda. You're like, you like this comedian and they're like, you know, our water sources. And then you see them when someone uses those clips, like in the other accounts, like the inspirational accounts or whatever. And it's like, wait, but that's my, that's my comedian friend. Yeah. Yeah. They're like being really like letting you know,

like you should live like I live. Are you not voting this year? What? They really ships things for you. Yeah. And then the next post will be like, I knew you guys logged on to see something funny. But, but I feel like I could use a little bit more of that. Like I, a little bit more of a lack of the self awareness. Like is there so much? Yes, they get so popular. Yeah, they get so, they put so much out. And I'm always like, no one wants to,

I wouldn't want to see that. I just try to, I don't try to like go like you should live your life this way, or this is who I'm voting for. But I do try to go like, you know what? I like this thing. Like I did a photography put. I'm like, this is a photo, this is a still image app. I'm posting photographs.

So like this photo is I took, I don't care if people don't like it. I'm like, I'm making it for myself. Right. But yeah, I try to stay away from, yeah. I've got all the answers. I never understand how people always have like, the guy taking the video of you when you're getting on the plane.

You know what I mean? Oh yeah. Like they always have like, like I'm always by myself. Yeah. It's like, how do they, how do they have a, who's filming you?

Yeah. Turning from the churro stand and being like, you know what you got to do? You know need that guy I need a height man can they apply here you want them to just go you want to you want to give criteria for what you're looking for if anyone wants to just follow me around on your own time oh but it's such an abusive of your of to get on board than a gender with people. It's like, oh, don't phone everyone out. Yeah.

I'm not getting it from people that aren't funny. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's people that give you advice or they show like an artist quote or that's cool because that's your lane. Or even actresses, there are some actresses that are just so hype on their causes and I go to their Instagram specifically to see them get nutty About their causes and like oh, it's gonna be a good one today. Yeah, because abortion didn't get passed

What is she gonna say? I know she's gonna be so fired up Yeah, well thank god so and so posted now Congress is gonna know No one fucking care But but they think they're doing something I guess it is I don't know yeah, I don't know right That's the thing doesn't move the dial I think how could I don't know if you're really big maybe if you're huge if you have one of pal troke could change things. Yeah, really totally could.

I think whatever she says, I think it's going to be something. She's a good marketer. Somebody that has, that doesn't give up like who would never use that power. Yeah. Cause me like yeah, or like Cristiano Ronaldo, who's just like, who's about him. 400 million. Yeah. And he's just like, give me like a new Richard Miele watch.

And then, I was like, you know, like, but if you were like, hey man, you want to talk about these causes, he's probably like, no. Yeah. Shit about that. Yeah. I'm going to pose next to my yacht. I also like, I also want to be the guy who has, who, who is convinced

his following that they're just as successful as they are. Oh, I love that. You know what I mean? Yeah. But like you we did it guys. We sold that five shows at the beak and we did it. There's no stopping us. Yeah.

It's like us. That's a weird one. Yeah, I want to be that guy though. I really wish I had that, that, that, that, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,'s the we did it guy, and say, oh my God, my face turns red, like I'm hot in the face. I know. Or like when people lie about how rad they are too, you're like, when you're, when you're, when you're,

when they're like, we're all in this together. Hey, so make some room. Exactly. I know, I know. But it's got a funny little thing to it. When they do it, when they do it in a post of like all this money I've made because we're all doing this. We did it guys, we just got a house.

You should have never come. We did buy a house together. Yeah, we're all doing it. I know, but there's a couple classics in the comedy world. You can pop open on Instagram. Just look at the photos and you feel pretty good about yourself. Yeah.

Right, yes. And then there are the ones that I have to mute. I have to mute for a while. It's too intense, bro. It's too much. You can't get the ones that I have to mute. I have to mute for a while. Because I'm like, it's too intense, bro. It's too much. You can't get me every time I open the app. I can't see you working out or doing your fucking bullshit or talking to you.

We did it, guys, shit. Like once, once a quarter, I can handle it, but not every day, bro. And it is truly amazing when you do mute. Yeah. How your head clears. Yeah. You're much happier.

Yeah, it's like you're not being date-reviewed on social media every time you open it up. It's so true. You're really true. You know, D'Astefanot said he had a complete change in happiness and just mental health. So he truly did the apps are off his phone. Uh huh. He records things, or it comes up with things, sends them to somebody who posts them.

So he doesn't do any interacting, and he said he's just anxiety gone. Really? Just complete, because you can get just so lost in these things, you know? I am so quick right now. I'm going, you know, go through phases. I'm so quick to open the phone, hit Instagram.

Yeah. Open the phone, hit, I just, I'm just keep doing it. I do the cycle sometimes. What's your cycle? So it'll be like, I look at Instagram. Yeah. And I'll be like, I need to get off Instagram. And without thinking, I'm just talking about

what my brain does. Yeah. Close Instagram and I hit YouTube. And I go through YouTube and I'll look at things and watch close Instagram and I hit YouTube. And I go through YouTube and I'll look at things and watch some videos and I'll be like, I need to get off YouTube and this is some like, it's a bad for me.

And as I do it, I see the Instagram app and I'll be like, oh, then I'll be like, oh, I just got off this. Close that, maybe go look at Twitter or something for a little bit, close that, emails. Yeah. Because the emails app is there. Yeah.

So now you're looking, oh, did emails come in? Okay, I read. Just bond, close that and go like and start the cycle again. Yeah. So it's like this. Interesting. Because your cycle was different. I remember your O8 cycle because back when we weren't having as much gone, I believe it

was not having to impose a drug report. No, I would read all the different ones. So drug report. So drug report was for, I would read all the different ones. So, drug report. So, drug report was for like, what's going on in conservative news. Right. And then Huffington Post was like, kind of, it was like, Huffington was like more opinions and had like left stuff. And then the Guardian.

Yeah. So it was like, it was UK based, but it was more liberal news. So I could see the full spectrum of how things were reported. Right. And then Twitter and then Twitter love Twitter. Really? Yeah. Well, because it was great for I wasn't a big tweet guy.

Uh-huh. It's just like it was an information gathering thing. Because I would yeah, I'd like to just know what people are talking about all around. That's the problem is I do feel like I haven't seen a Twitter feed in years. Like I just got off Twitter. But I do feel sometimes out of the loop. Like I'll kind of, I notice that people

are more aware of stories going on than I am. Like it, you know, not that I totally regret it, but sometimes I feel maybe out of step. Yeah, am I missing something? Yeah. Well, that's why you need to get on TikTok because I get all my news on TikTok. This morning, I did a video about this morning. Yeah, those of you who send me a video, but weirdo, I didn't get your video. I use a different word, but yeah.

It's funny since last time I was- I was trying to spare you. Since last time I was here, I was like trying to figure out like how you get those heinous things like sent to you. And I tried to like hit on a couple, but it still reverts back to usually children and dogs. Wake up to a Christina going, something of the other guy who's like,

I can watch me balance his bottle on my head. And it's just like a guy doing this and I'm like, it's a great way to start today. Thank you. What? Yeah. It is much better than CNN. Yeah, it's so much better.

And then there was, I did I say the guy who's dick twitches when he talks, he means pretends like it's not. And his dick is huge. It has music, so I couldn't send it to you guys. I think we can mute that one and you can just say that. Awesome, that you guys know. It's probably in my first stop. So that's your headline for the day.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So they do about Ukraine or whatever. Don't you get it? Yeah. If it's important enough, oh no. That's what she says. If it's big enough, I'll say this.

She'll say this. She'll say this. Oh, I'll know if it's on the day. And then it'll be like, you know, hey, you know, you crane, she'll be like, what's going on in Ukraine? I'm like, am I supposed to summarize this in five seconds? Like, it's been a kind of a big story for a while. She's like, is there something happened?

Yeah. What kind of, yeah. Yeah. What are we going there for vacation? What's happening with Ukraine? I've got a little tip there. I don't tell you. She'll be like, oh, it's like, it's a Russia thing.

She'll say that right. I'm like, yeah, that's a good summary of the whole thing. Don't care. Same shit different toilet. It's all the same stuff with just different players over and over and over and over again. Oh, Russia's being a dick, got it. My parents lived through it.

That escaped from that region, not ready. Yeah. Got it. East and West. Oh boy. Do you have any, like, East and West feelings about going into another cycle of, like,

I had never had so much, like, news fatigue as I did over the, from 2016, or 2015, let's say through 20, to the point where I was like a really hard, like she said, I was always a hardcore news consumer. And it warmed me out so much that I actually did fade on those news stories, where there are news stories that come up now,

where I mean, I'm making jokes about it, but like where I'll be like, what's that? Cause I don't consume as much as I used to. Yeah. And I think we're ramping up for a big one. I mean, this one's gonna be wild. It's gonna be even worse. I think so because look, there's no,

I like to try to stay in reality. Yeah. And reality is whether you want to admit it minute or not the current guy in office Biden is not All there and people who are pretending. It's like you're fucking lying to yourself Like this guy is a mess right now. He is too old. He is unfit He is unwell his cognitive function isn't there. He is too old, he is unfit, he is unwell, his cognitive function isn't there,

he's physically not all there. He should just start falling down. And it's bullshit that he's running again. I don't want to say. I was saying that in my shows this weekend that, you know, we had a present that was in a wheelchair for a long time. Yeah. FDR, nobody talked about. They just, they, he was fighting Hitler. So like, let's, let's be like X-Nay on the ill-chair way. Yeah. Yeah, right. We actually need another Hitler.

Oh, so, well, I'm just saying it because it'll be a distraction. Yeah, be a distraction. His physical elements. Just give Biden a wheel. Just let him have a wheelchair. Yeah. He would be like, why are we making him climb steps? So that's so mean.

And then we can resprant him as the non-ablest Chad Whitties of branding on the president and the wheelchair. Yeah, he'd be great for that whole constituency. Yeah, he's a motorized one. He could just buy it in glasses on. I mean, really, why, I would have trouble getting up those steps to the Air Force one. Sure, I would definitely be streaming them.

Yeah, and they could put a wheelchair lift on that thing and he just presses a button. Yeah, he's pro handicapped people. But I do like how, like they're just running stuff and they're getting things passed and they're just going to report. And it's just boring. It's boring.

That's the way it's supposed to be. It's very boring. And that they're going to come and make it, there's assault again. But aside they're gonna come and make it this assault again. It's just, I don't know. But aside from the tripping and the falling, I mean, when he speaks, you're also like, I have, well, it's old mixed with stutter.

Yeah, we forgot to stutter. There's elderly people that I know who speak like that. And you're like, oh yeah, they're sweet and, and I don't want them to die. Yeah. But by the way, they shouldn't be running a business let alone the nation. It just feels like, come on, dude.

And this is somebody. But who could you pass it to? Well, I don't know. That's the thing is that that's what we're setting up here is like, it should be open on their side. And then you have fucking psycho who's gonna get back into this thing. I know. And his whole nonsense, which is very entertaining.

So I won't, I won't say that it's not. It's extremely entertaining. It's, yeah. But he's a fucking lunatic. That's why we were exhausted. Yeah, exactly. Because of his power to, I mean, he lives, he's a medium monster. That's why we were exhausted. Yeah, exactly. Because of his power to, I mean, he lives, he's a medium-onster.

He's a medium-onster. So he was like the assault from him. That actually feel like one thing I didn't expect. There was this thing when he left office where people who really were anti-chomp were like, we'll stop giving him coverage because all you guys are those cover them. Well, they're covering the president, right?

Yeah. And they kind of did really over these years. Yeah, for a while. Stop covering him. Yeah. Like he would say things are really statements and they would just kinda like, here's a statement and it would just kinda,

yeah, you saw things fade, but it's ramping up again, right? You wouldn't see him and put him on, everyone was losing it. What are you doing? We're not supposed to talk. I let this guy, and you're like,

we haven't been said as yet. You realize that? Yeah, exactly. It's you that don't even mention his name, it's he's gonna push back into existence. I know. Then you got DeSantis. It's hot. Yeah.

Is like this, he's like who a lot of people like in a party. Yeah. And then Kennedy. Oh yeah. Right. So all these like third party people. Yeah.

It's always like they're just gonna, you know, take away votes from the two big parties. But at some point, one of them is actually going to break through. Do you remember Perot? Of course. Yes. Yeah.

I was all in with Perot. Yeah, there are people. You don't like, you can do it. You can do it. Maybe it's chart here, Larry. That was awesome. Is he dead? He's got to be dead.

Yeah, yeah. He was Larry. That was awesome. Is he dead? He's got to be dead. Yeah, he was great. He was great. He was the one who had the most impact in the third lane. Oh, Nadav has dick twitch ready guys. Oh, dick twitch. Here's my news. Here's what I'm making.

Breaking news. That's a big dick. Breaking news. The best part is he acts like it's not the center of. Yeah. Of course, that's what you do. Hey guys, look at that. You look at my view. Look at my view.

Yeah. Again, one more time for Tom. Wait, is that it? Wait, I missed it. I was at Dick Twitch. Oh, I see it. It moves right there. Yeah.

I thought you meant it was just going to be the focal point of like. But no, that's the essence of a good talk. Is that he just kind of throws it in. Oh, what's that twitch? It did. it did. So subtle, and he knows what he's doing. I had a massage just yesterday. And I just wanted to fluff a little, just to have a little twitch.

Like, you know what I mean? I'm not looking for a happy ending. I'm not looking for any, I just wanted there to be something there. Something when they flip you over. They're like this. So now this is so sad. Yeah, right. They didn't want to be like, aw.

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't pull it off. Yeah. I felt like. I felt like. I mean, that was flaccid like like, five and a half, six, like, yeah, but guys like that, Tom, you know,

when they get a Rex, it's the same. It's the same. There's no growth there. Right, that's not gonna grow into 10. When you watch a movie, you wanna see the character develop. Yeah, exactly, and change. That's so true. I know. Mine goes through such an arc.

What an underdog. At the beginning of the movie, you're like rooting for him. You're like, this guy, this is a loser. Yeah, he's not gonna make it. There's no way and then the end triumph Yeah, right my percentage growth has got to be like a thousand It goes from inside to outside it really does it actually it goes like it wakes up and it goes as anybody out here like that. Little timid. Yeah. I thought I heard something and then it just comes out into the world. Yeah. And then the sun hits her.

Let's take the first step. Well actually, but it's always looking over here like what's going on over here. And then ends at the on a mountain top. It does. What do you think my penis would look like would it look like my dad's Because there's yours look like your dad's do you know what your dad's looks like sure do Yeah, he was a European gent and like my family was always new This is not a big deal. They type. Our norms for a long time.

That's why they're number one. Yeah. I had, my kids are leaving now. They're like on their way out. And I was, so I'm very reflecting on like, that we went through that whole thing. And I was thinking when I was changing. Was they signed a peanut?

Yeah, well, I was changing into my workout clothes and when you strip down. And I was like, that's an accomplishment there. Like my kids didn't see my stuff since, you know, probably like when they were really, really little. Yeah. Like four, you know. Like that was good, good accomplishment.

That they didn't have, they're not gonna do podcasts in the future and be like, I know what my dad's penis looks like. No, they're not gonna do podcasts in the future, be like, I know what my dad's penis looks like. I can pretty much say they have no idea. I saw my dad's balls at a later stage of his life and they were enormous. So big. Low, low and hangy and they look like pigs in us.

They were just grotesque and I was like, Jesus, man. But was your dog like his? Well, that's the thing is that I don't really... Yeah. Remember his dog. I just, you know, I saw him change and I was like, I'll, I could see where the ball is. I was like, fuck man.

Yeah. Is your, are you okay? You're really making me want to text my dad before it's too late. I'm sending you a dick pic. Yeah. A dick pic. Daddy. Daddy sent me a dick pic. Yeah, a dick pic. Daddy.

Daddy sent me a dick pic. Daddy dick pic. Yeah. Dad can real quick. Can we trade dick pics? I wonder, I wonder if boys and their dads have the same gender failure. Well, you've got boys.

I know, but I'm weird. I haven't, I don't know. Oh, we haven't even thought about this. Yeah. For the reason. I think we should probably keep it to ourselves. But hold on. Yeah.

Now that I think about it, man. Oh no. I have my mom's vagina. You do. You've seen her veg, like, of course. I've seen everything. My parents were not, like I said, the Europeans. But she had a big firecrackers, like orange pubes.

I don't have that. But in terms of like, yeah, I she had a big firecrackers, like orange pubes. I don't have that. But in terms of like, yeah, I think I got her badge. Wow. Yeah. And her tits gone, no, I've become my mother. Nice. Congratulations. I'm my dad.

I'm a lot of a lot of things. It's happening. I know you grow on your parents, whether or not you want to. Yeah, I know. I had this realization two days ago, sitting having coffee and I was like, oh, I became my mother. Yeah, it's weird.

I know. I know. I know. That part's cool, but I bought a three pack of silicone spray. Because it was a deal. Yeah. That's becoming a guy.

That's my dad. That's so cool. And I'm just gonna give them out to deal. Yeah. That's becoming a guy. That's my dad. And I'm just going to give them out to people. Sure. And expect they'll be happy. What do you use that for? Just to plug up holes when we're having a year. You should know that's the foam. You should use this.

This is a bad thing too. You should use this rather than WD40. I love WD40. WD40 is really made for like boats and things that get wet and water. And it's really too oily and you really shouldn't use it. You should really use silicone spray. That's on, on door jams and that kind of thing.

This is such a dad talk. It's a total dad thing. And then I saw, and then I was like, we're not online to get some and saw three pack. You're like, oh, man, I nailed it. Came into the kitchen, told my wife what I just did. What is, what are you guys gonna do now with the girls? I don't know, it's gonna be very interesting.

Do you talk about it? Do you guys, and what do you, like, what's it? Was it travel? You can have your midlife crisis now. It might, she's definitely gonna go through it might it might she's definitely gonna go through it. Yeah, she's definitely gonna go through it. You're gonna you're both gonna act out in some way. Whether you recognize that you're doing it or not.

Yeah, I know you know, I I'm booked so heavy in the fall. I think that's already my part of it. Yeah, and like there's when I'm on the road, I'll try and get home first flight. Like, there's nothing better than landing at nine on a Sunday in LA. So I can get home and start cooking for everybody and like, like, that's not gonna happen.

Like, that's gone. So you know what to do is fucking stay out. Stay out. Yeah, just, yeah. I'm fucking, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It took your own breakfast. Yeah

But now I'm just talking to my wife. Yeah, it's not them. It's her right? Yeah, I know it's like are you on the first five? I'm not coming home today Right exactly you have a Sunday show. Yeah, no, no, but I'm staying in Austin. Yeah, yeah It's gonna be I think she'll come with you, maybe. I think she'll come with me more, like to the good spots. That's it. Which would be cool. You know, the real bummer is that we didn't time out

our dogs, life, like they're still around. You know what I mean? Like if they, if they had passed when our kids were going to school, we could go live in New York for three months. Yeah. Right.

But now we have all these animals. Yeah. And they're pretty healthy. You're gonna really, well, the thing is we got, we lucked out in that our youngest is allergic to dogs and now cats. Really?

So we get to like, instead of having a house full of ant, which we were doing. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm, I'm, I'm a doggy of ant, which we were doing. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm, I'm a doggy. That's, and it really ties you down. I'm a crazy dog lady.

I was like, the minute my kids leave, I'm going to get five dogs. I'm going to rescue, and I'm just going to get like a herd of dogs. Yeah. And start rescuing, seriously, just like, I just, the mother in me, what do I do now? I know. None of that part is alive, and I care about things.

Oh. I know, I know. And then my wife is the same way. Fuck. She about things. I know, I know, and then my wife is the same way. She loves them. I know. But it definitely ties you down. She's not gonna. So you could poison the dogs.

I was thinking about that. I was thinking about that. We also have a pool with no kids. Oh, just a little, like throw a treat towards the pool. Oops. I didn't see it happens. How many dogs? Two dogs and a cat. Oh, you could kill those real quick. Yeah. Can you just leave the cat

outside overnight? The coyotes will get it. It's happened last week. This is about you're one of the only people that because you're so good at stand up and writing when you when you when you do thanks guys, we did it. We did do it together. All of us together. I know. This is like an inside comic studio question, but when you start over, we stand up, like when you put something out and you're, how do you start? How do you go back to it?

Well, this year my special came out in December and I was on tour in January. How? Oh my God. I just didn't think about it. You just didn't think about it. I just had dates and it just literally didn't think about it. You just didn't think about it. I just had dates and it just literally didn't think about it. I think that that helps is when they go,

you have to be on stage on this date. Yeah, it definitely does. And for the first time, I'm like, I write these books and I really take time and like write them. Like I sit and just like you said, early like put the hours in. Yeah. And stand up. I'll get an idea and I'll bring it on stage and then I'll say it and they'll give me some feedback and then I'll noodle on my pad with it. Yeah. And it's a slower process

kind of going back and forth. But because I had no time, I'm like, what if I just dedicate this book time to stand up and really just start writing it and get really aggressive with it? And that's what you've done? And I had like a new act, a little short, you know, but I had a new act by the time I went out in January. Wow. So it really worked out putting the time.

It totally worked. Okay, so I need to hear this. Totally worked. And you know, Karlin did it that way. And he was all right. He was okay. And, Oh, jeez, guys.

And I was just like, let me just try. Like, why am I being so stupid about it? This should be just really, really right. It's time. And some of it fell off and wasn't funny. And some of it was good. And then the process starts again where it was, you're using the audience to gauge.

Yeah, yeah. So, but the real key thing here is that you spent the time, that you would be like, you would dedicate it to writing a book. Yeah, just working on standard. 100%. And then it got into this rhythm of it where, if I would just go to the store,

and I hadn't written that day, if I just stayed for like a half hour, I would write something out and get a kind of funny, and then just bring it up on stage, like literally, which I never did, like really memorized like a paragraph almost and bring that up and start working on it. It just accelerated it and just made it really fast.

Yeah. So it was cool, but then I got lazy with it. Then as soon as I had the act, I haven't really been spending the time. Yeah, and there's definitely a hole right now in it. You'll get bored enough with that or frustrated by enough, it'll make you do it again. Yeah, yeah.

Sometimes you need to be bored with it, and like sometimes there's nothing going on in this noodle. And most of the time you're, you know, you're just living your life and then one day you'll be like, oh, I know how to fix that. I know, but don't you feel like, I mean, you guys do this all the time. And it's like, in your life,

you don't have something to talk about all the time. But then you walk in here and then say, go all of a sudden, it starts coming out. There's always something. I know. Like sitting and thinking, well, I don't have anything really is not true. You know what I mean?

You just gotta start. You just gotta kinda like put it out there. Yeah. I Yeah, I Was I interviewed Carl Reiner once and he was like 90 at the time and I didn't realize he was at the desk where he wrote Dick Van Dyke he wrote like the first 12 Dick Van Dykes by himself and I and he's there at 90 and he has on his big computer screen his new book. And he's writing another book at 90 and he's just chovele and fun. And I said, do you ever get writer's block?

Like I know this is a hacky question, but do you ever get writer's block? And he's like, no, I never understood it. Sit down and start writing. It's not going to be great, but just start writing. What do you mean block? What are you thinking about? Just start doing it. And I was like, yeah, you're right.

Like, what does that even mean? What's that great? The Kiwi, the New Zealand guy that did Jojo Rabbit. Oh, I could. Taiko Atee-tee. Yeah, haiki Atee-tee. I always mess up his. He was saying something about this is like in the similar lane of when people are like,

you know, writing a script or something. He goes, well, you know, the thing is 90% of movies are shit. 90% of books are shit, 90% it. So he's like the, Yeah. It doesn't have to be great. Like, yeah, just, you don't have to do an ass piece. Yeah, he's like, just right.

And then maybe it won't be good. And then you can move on to the next thing. Yeah. But if you just think about like this, because we all do that, like, I mean, with new bits too, you're like, I don't know, this sucks. It's like, so what, just do it.

And then it's done. It's the judgment. Yeah, it's the judgment. It's, you just have to keep plowing. You have to keep plowing. Yeah. Painting, like writing music, it's all the same thing where it's like, yeah. If you think about how it's gonna be received or whether or not it's good, it's like that's

your wasting time. Yeah, just go, just spit it out. Do the dumb thing, and then be like, that was dumb, and then you're onto the next thing. Yeah, one of the writers from The Simpsons said that, he would write so fast, I forget which one, like one of the original guys, that he would write so quickly and spit it out that it would, it'd be like, and then Homer walks in and it says something funny here. And then, and then he, Pooz does this and then he holds up something that's,

it's orange, but with a, and he would just like put like nonsense. Like placeholder, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he knew the outline so well, it's muscle memory and you know you'll fill it in later. And he wasn't worried about how that would be received is what you're saying to him. Yeah, yeah, it was just like, I'm not gonna judge this isn't even close to being able to be judged. And I think too, the unconscious just takes time to like, aren't there jokes that take 10 years to write for you where you're like,

God damn, I wish I could, and then one day you're like, oh, I know how to do that. Yeah. It took that long for your mind to whatever the anger behind it or the fear or whatever processes and then like, but if you just listen, that's a secret for me. It's like, oh, God, listen to that idea. Don't just, you know, listen to it. Yeah, like just listen, write it down. Yeah. So you know exactly what you're trying to communicate.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the shower too, sometimes the best things come in the shower when I'm just like, in a nice warm shower, right? Yeah, and I'm just thinking. Cold ones work too. I don't think so.

I hate cold ones. Have you ever written a bit in that cold punch? Oh yeah, I'm always like, I'm never. You know how sometimes you hold your breath from your body constricts? Yeah. Carat rigging itself. You know how sometimes you hold your breath in your body constricts? Yeah. Car train, stop. Um, if you want to show Tom some of what you've been curating. To tell, yeah.

And I'm sure Tom wants to see them too. Yeah, I do. Yeah. This is a little house. This is a little house. It's always a different emotional experience. Let's see how it goes today. The last one is still lingering.

Oh, good. I've made it. My friends and I used to sue each other so we could get on court TV. This is the court show that you sue for up to $5,000 and to pay you over wins. So we made sure the plaintiff always won and then we'd split the money. I played a promoter on Judge Joe Brown that sued my comedian friend because he left the show that I paid him to perform at. Promoter Ben Palmer is suing a performer for breach of contract. Devented to really a ledger says he actually would show his own safety. The club not even in the hood,

but the whole hood was inside the club, Your Honor. That's great. Fantastic. See, you learned something to do. This is amazing. Three times where you've played good stuff. Okay.

See, what do you care about who's going to be president or that? That was way better. That was way more important. My phone negative is the best fucking being on this earth. You know, I thought I thought big time was good Type of negative there if it ain't type of negative, it ain't worth fucking listening to Wow that accent is so horrific too. Oh, you know, yeah the package So horrific too. Oh, you know, yeah, the package.

I love that. Typed it. Typed it. Typed it. Typed it. Typed it. That's called the Mid Atlantic accent. Are you?

You find it in Baltimore and it's a filly and it's like, you can put that accent on a supermodel and you would kick her into traffic. Typed it. Typed it. Naked it. Ain't fucking worth listening to. Typed it.

Like, you like worth it. I 100% wanted to make fun of her. And then I was like, dude, that's how I feel about Bauhaus. Yeah, I know. I'm such a loser that like had I been in tattoos, I would have Bauhaus later. Bauhaus later.

Oh man, I get this. We're listening to what is typo negative. Okay, so I looked it up. It's like a fucking romantic golf band. Oh, this might be a kind of spirit of yours. She doesn't look type a negative. She doesn't look kind of gaffy, but I looked it up. Yeah, they're like a romantic American goth. Okay. I'd heard the name type of negative, but I know. Have you heard any of their stuff? No. I guarantee the band is not happy that this is their demo. But I did listen to

it. It's one. I did listen after I saw this TikTok and I was like, oh, maybe this is something I'd be into. It's a little too intense for me. Okay. But dude, this is her band. There you go. This is her band. Good for her. If someone who has a hard time spelling diarrhea, here's a handy acronym for you. Dude, I actually really, really have explosive anus. How useful was that? I always misspelled diarrhea. I always do do that, actually.

I actually really, really have explosive diet. Dude, I actually really, really have explosive anus. That's pretty good. I actually really, really have explosive anus. So, it's a penis. That's pretty good. It's actually really, really have not really. I misspelled diarrhea all the time. All the time. Yeah. Why are you spelling it so much?

I have it so much. Because he posted notes for your family. There you go. They actually really have explosive anus. It's a penis, yeah. That's pretty good. Oh, so. I'm usually writing, I have, I'm not there because I have diarrhea, you know, I'm late with diarrhea.

Or do that gave me diarrhea. When I went along with you, a person on the head, you heard there's something called soap and water. Yeah, I have a couple of people back there and puke in the brain to smell that you have. It's in my bathroom. That is, so that is. So Dr. Nell. Dr. Nell, he's the leading gastric bypass surgeon.

I think in the world, certainly in the United States. Uh huh. So he usually operating on like six, 700 pound people and he's very direct. Yeah. So he starts with was like, have you heard of soap and water? To all of us. By the way, the guy is misunderstanding what he's saying.

Because he's saying you smell so bad that people are vomiting from you walking by. And that guy is like, yeah, my bathroom smells. He's like, not your bathroom. No, right. It's you. It's you. He's like, not your bathroom. No, you're right, it's you. It's you. He's fucking like so. Oh, yeah.

What is going on with you, a person on the head, you heard there's something called soap and water. Yeah, I have a couple of people back there and puking for the smell. Oh, God. Yeah, he's brutal. Oh, he'll tell people too that want the surgery. Yeah.

I'd be like, oh, you have to come back, but you have to have lost like 50 pounds by, you know, just date, and then they'll come back and you'll be like, you lost 30 pounds. So, you know, I guess you just want to eat all day. You're a weak person. So, you're gonna love that. What?

This guy looks like diarrhea. Yeah. Dude, I really do really have explosive anus. Yeah. A subscriber asked me to do this. No, no, it's good. Good morning, Julia, my beautiful queen above 18. I really enjoy your content from mild to wild to kink. I

Am very rich and I have at least seven ceiling fans in preparation to come and get that booty. Oh Fyagra's really a curse on this planet. That was a that was a great David Gold 7135. Thanks for giving all the lines everybody. So hard to watch. That was awesome. And he managed to make that even creepier. And he should have been.

And the way that David can. Yeah, that was terrible. My skin's crawling. How did he set it up that someone asked him to do it? Yeah, so somebody gave him lines from the podcast and he actually did it, but he's usually just like in a gym like yeah, and he's like, God, my arms are so sore from these bicep curls in here.

Oh, Jesus. It's always him and his dick twitches, you know? Yeah, so cringy. So cringy. By far one of the worst bedbugs in Fessish is my god dude. This is what this is sleeping with this is a bed. You see bed. Yeah, no. Yeah. Yeah. Could you imagine? No, no. What? This heart is a freaking rock.

Ew. Wash your shoes kids. This is what this dude since Wash your bedding Yeah, how's look at this who is this human? Oh, they're moving My god, so bachelor dude Oh my god, it's a bachelor dude. You got to throw that dude. You got to burn the apartment.

Burn the fucking house. Are you kidding me? Yeah, everything's destroyed. Yeah, you got to burn this. You got to burn the house. Yeah, everything's got to go. I was wondering what I imagined the things I'd have. Oh no.

Who's this guy who's in there? I know, but he's got VHS tapes. That's chair. It's like comics to get bed bugs on the road. If you take it home, it gets in your suitcase and it fucks up your house. So this is mental illness though, this guy's got. Yeah.

It's like old or something. Yeah, this reminds me. Who is that member of the, it's not the place isn't as bad as it used to be on the shows, but like on the hoarders show. Yeah. We'll just be packed and then they're like, yeah, there's rats here, but you know,

I don't mind them. Oh. They're my friends. Yeah, yeah, just be packed and then they were like yeah, there's rats here, but you know They're my friends No, but I'm gonna have exciting it was the first time you saw hoarders. I know Yeah, an intervention good time and television and then you start to feel bad about it. Yeah It's got yet burned out. It's so them just yeah it got too gross too. And they're like, yeah, I should hear in the room. I can't. I can't. No, my favorite was a woman that had 75 cat carcasses.

Yeah, carcasses. Yeah, they would, they'd die. They'd get stuck and they'd get crushed. Ah, no. Yeah. And she'd be like, I love these cats. And they're like, you're not good at loving them though, because they're all dead. Yeah, they're all skeletons. They're like you're not good at loving them though because they're all dead

The skeletons Like oh that's where misty way Yeah, it was terrible. It's been dead for weeks. Oh Oh, this one's actually going to be slip and fall in ice. Okay guys bro It's your plunge pool. You really can, you mitigate it. It's tough. It's tough. Yeah, it's tough. Relax.

Yeah, he's right. Relax. Is this what you're training? I realize that it's going to pass. Uh huh. And then after it passes, you'll be able to do the second part of your self rescue.

So I spread my arms out. Fuck this. So that I didn't get fully immersed in that gas response. I be flailing. Yeah. Maybe inhale water. It's be dead. So I've survived mine. The initial fall. You did survive. Uh huh. Now to get out. Nothing. Instead of trying to pull myself straight up. Yeah. And start to kick my feet and raise them up behind me. Uh-huh.

And then kick. Oh, that's pretty smart. Wow. Tell him I'm on. Glad I got one. Glad I got one. I'm starting up now. Can you ease myself forward?

Oh. That looks miserable. Nope, no. He's myself forward. God, looks miserable. It's so bad. Yeah, it's terrible. But he's got to feel great, right? Yeah, laid a podcast. He's ready. You're ready to fly. I'll tell you what, this guy,

this guy is feeling good right now. He is. He feels great. He's ready to go. He's ready. This guy is feeling good right now He's ready to go He's ready like do I have a change of clothes and by the way I am ready to go Amazing let's talk about this book real quick. We're all in this together. So make some room Congratulations on your third book. Thank you from a fellow author. Thank you. Have you written a book? No, why not? No one wants to hear these. Right it. You've been at me a great book. Sure. Yeah, talking about farts and 20 of every chapter or alternated farts tiktoks farts to tiktok to

Ticktocks, Farts 2, Ticktock 2. No, but you have a lot in here, man. Date nights, unfamiliar hotel rooms, pets, drinking. Yeah, ducking your family, I can't wait to read that part. Yeah. The whole book is basically that we're not the first human beings here. And anytime you think, like, oh, I have my unique problem, it's been done. You know what the thing is? It's been done, pay attention to thing it's been done pay attention other people

That's it that you like or don't like and you'll learn it from all of them. That's a great. That's a great Yeah, my mind dude. Yeah, and I think a big part that comes from you have to be willing to say what's what's bothering you or what's on your mind Yeah, like if you share it then people go like oh you mean this oh, yeah, oh you know about that like yeah We just went through all that. Yeah. Like, if you just walk through a CVS, you think like you're body and what everything, you, whatever little problem you have is so unique.

And there's just aisles of wart cream. Yeah. And, you know, it's so true. And everybody else has had it. Awesome. Yeah. So it'll help you calm down. Well, thank you for coming. We're always love seeing you.

Likewise. Thank you, mommy. Thank you. Don't forget to get Tom's book and also go see Tom on tour. And also, if your, his children come home, some say hi. Yeah, once in a while. No, come say hi.

Once in a while. Yeah. I mean, they miss you. Yeah, I mean they're poor, which is it that'll work to my advantage for a while. You want a good vacation or you want to just want to sit in your bed bug apartment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm willing to pay. Thanks Tom. Thanks guys. Love you. Love you. I was your day. You're like this broad, put her beautiful tits in my face. And then Tom and I deep Peter.

What does it deep be? Two at the same time. Two at the same time. Three at the same time. Two at the same time. Three at the same time. Two at the same time. Two at the same time.

Three at the same time. Two at the same time. Two at the same time. to at the same time To to at the same time All right, I'm the whole I never thought I'd fuck someone with my son That it was really a special moment. I'll never forget I just was so good Come on, buddy to at the same time Come on buddy, two at the same time. Two to two at the same time. All right, bring it on the horse. You're gonna come.

Two at the same time. Two to two at the same time. All right, bring it on the horse. You're gonna come. Who do you think will come first though, you or your dad? Come on buddy, come on dad. Come on, come on buddy. You're gonna come. Come on buddy. were your dad. Bad it was really a special moment. I'll never forget. I just was so good.

I think I could come again. All right, buddy. Yeah. What is ATP?