Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Happy Birthday Tom Segura! | Your Mom's House Ep. 759

Episode Date: May 15, 2024

SPONSORS: - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using or through my promo code MOM - Download the Gametime app, c...reate an account, and use code YMH for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). - Head to to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. What’s up, chomos?! We open the show with a real banger of a track and because Tommy Bunz celebrated a birthday a little while ago, this week we’re going to get around and celebrate it! The YMH producers gathered a team of special well wishers and put together a birthday shoutout for Tom to watch including the likes of RPC, The King, Gene & Nick Simmons, and even Ernie Hudson just to name a few. Other fun stuff covered in this episode include, choosing a life partner, women’s prisons, #FartWalk, swearing in other languages, and we also found a dating site for Disney adults! Your Mom’s House Ep. 759 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit

Discussion (0)
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Starting point is 00:00:28 with 24 seven support when you need it. Go to and see what crypto can be. Not investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss. See slash legal slash ca dash pru dash disclaimer for info on Kraken's undertaking to register in Canada. I go more than Julie. It's me, Joe. Just wanted to say hi, wish you a great day. undertaking to register in Canada. Beautiful you don't know how beautiful you are to me. I mean just you're gorgeous. You're precious
Starting point is 00:01:08 But it's the city in my mind when you said to me you want to go back with your ex-boyfriend Racing from your memory don't go back don't ever go back in the past i know because i've been there and i understand when you know you're trying to find somebody and you go on dates and nothing compares to your race but there is that better person out there than julia i promise you it's me I will love you like you've never been loved before I will cherish you I'll make you feel like the one, oh real woman And believe me, after you experience me You won't even know your ex for who you really is So open up your heart to me And your arms let's go full chow I'm gonna be a little bit more more like a little bit more more like a little bit more
Starting point is 00:02:06 more like a little bit more more like a little bit more more like a little bit more more like a little bit more more like a little bit more more like a little bit more more like a little bit more more like a little bit more
Starting point is 00:02:22 more like a little bit more more like a little bit more more like a little bit more Chow baby let's go full throttle baby chow baby chow baby chow baby chow baby This is my cute little home everything you see behind me I built everything very handy guy. And I love to build you whatever you want. You're a sweetheart. So I hope this video doesn't scare you. That's how I feel. I just want you to know that.
Starting point is 00:02:54 Okay. And I look forward. I'm going out to dinner with you. So let's make it happen. Wah. Trave. Trave. Trave.
Starting point is 00:03:03 Let's go. Trave. For Trav. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Wow. Wow. Wow. So this is the type of guy you get. Oh wow. Isn't that incredible? It's in the next Disney movie. Yeah, that is such a great.
Starting point is 00:03:36 So here's the Dillio. That was made with SUNO, a Generative Artificial Intelligence Music Creation Program designed to generate realistic songs that combine vocals and instrumentation it was sent in by subliminal x3 the direction he gave it was to make it an East Coast pop rock male vocal song that was really good for yeah that was very very very cool I hope this video doesn't scare you. I like the part where he goes, what is it?
Starting point is 00:04:07 Everything I did, everything behind me. Like he breaks it down a little bit. That was really good. That was cool, man. Let's go full throttle. Full throttle. We still haven't found Joe. We did find Joe.
Starting point is 00:04:19 But I mean, we haven't spoken to him. Well, that was on purpose though. You don't remember? I don't. We've got holes in my brain. No, we found on purpose though. You don't remember? I don't. Yeah, we found him. I got holes in my brain. No, we found him years ago. We found him, totally located him, phone number, everything.
Starting point is 00:04:33 And it just was the kind of thing where I was like, yeah, I don't think he's gonna find, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just too embarrassing. Did you just cut that out? No, I don't think so. Talking about him? No, no. Oh, God. Do we need to cut it No, I don't think so. Talking about him? No.
Starting point is 00:04:45 Do we need to cut it out? I don't think so, I think it's fine. I think it's fine. It's like, I just feel like you can let that guy go. You know? Yeah, cause what's he gonna say? He's like, I like the... Yeah, he's gonna be like,
Starting point is 00:04:56 that was humiliating, thank you. Thanks for going it up. Maybe that was like 10 years ago now, right? Yeah, it's been a while, man. It's been a while Real quick on the date end June 7th I'm in Kansas City, Missouri at the Starlight Theatre June 8th, Camdonton, Missouri at Ozarks amphitheater and June 12th, Wilkes-Barre. Is that how you say it? Yes, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania at Mohegan Sun Arena at
Starting point is 00:05:24 Casey Plaza Those tickets are at Tom Cura comm slash tour. Thank you very much for everybody Was me coming out the tour has been a lot of fun Are you coming everywhere on that tour? No, you're not gonna come in the room. This is coming together This is coming together. Oh, really different tour. So they have to come. Yes This is coming together. This is coming together. Totally different tour. So they have to come.
Starting point is 00:05:43 Yes. Okay. You, where are you gonna be? I'm gonna be in Orlando, Florida, October, August 16th and 17th, Mwah. Mwah.
Starting point is 00:05:53 That was really cute. Um, yeah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. You're gorgeous. Gosh. I mean, that song is just.
Starting point is 00:06:02 Amazing. Totally amazing. It's amazing how much that clip, how much joy that Joe's given us, Robert Paul's champagne. They're just certain clips that really live. Robert, by the way, I hope you're well. I saw such a nice comment from him the other day. It was somewhere on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:06:20 I had posted a video and he just wrote, "'Tom looks good in yellow.'" Okay. Very nice. Okay. And I just wrote, Tom looks good in yellow. Okay. Very nice. Okay. And I just wanted to say thank you, Robert. Yellow is outside of my comfort zone. So hearing you say that really made me feel good
Starting point is 00:06:33 about myself. Well, of course, he is sometimes a little critical. Right, but he's also, he's got great sense of style. Of course. And so like when somebody like him says that works I go I Lock it in. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, he is a fashion Yeah, he gets that shit Yeah, he's not retarded. Um, I'm very excited to do this episode. So can I can I give you a
Starting point is 00:07:00 Yep, opening clip. Yeah, I'm so excited to get into things. Let's go. Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello!
Starting point is 00:07:40 Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Who is Randy? Don't bring in one cousin to this. Yo mama the fuck is dead! Well welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Jesus. With Tom Segura. Mom Segura. I'm just gonna persist in this thing I'm trying to do.
Starting point is 00:07:56 Welcome to your mom's house. Keep feathering it brother. Feather it brother. You just ruined her life. I mean, yeah, this is Russian chiropractor shit is the fucking best. You gotta get it going, buddy. Here we go. There's more. Well, I like how in the beginning he's just dismissive with the initial crying He's like, come on. Come on, please. Oh, you mean after he punches her in the back? Yeah, and then he's like, come on shush shush shush. Come on. Come on stupid crybaby pussy bitch. Yeah Why she's like, ah
Starting point is 00:08:55 Come on, come on relax. Yeah, stop being here's the first one again Yeah, that's Okay, okay relax Fuck this, fuck this She's crying Shit. Shush, shush. Quiet. Okay, that's cool, right? Ah! Ah! Ah!
Starting point is 00:09:57 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Thank you, Russia.
Starting point is 00:10:03 I didn't even know they had this chiropractic shit there. Is that his punching glove? I was gonna say he's got a fingerless gloves on one hand. It's not good, babe. This I used to punch, kick, hit. It's a very macho culture there. You can't, there's no such thing as pain. Suck it up.
Starting point is 00:10:19 Yeah, that's why he's chastising her. He's like, come on, come on, shut up. Imagine if it was a guy that was like, ah, he'd be like, you're not men. No, take a shot of vodka. Suck it up, pussy. Oh yeah. Stop being a bitch, dude.
Starting point is 00:10:34 It's true. I put my spine. That's true. You don't need a spine. But then again, you know, they do well in Russia, right? Not a lot of paralyzed people, I don't know. I don't know, I'm just guessing. I believe there are probably a fair number of them.
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Starting point is 00:13:37 Yeah, so I have to make, well I'm going on a trip that I want to eat on. Now the real question is, do I take the O Zempis and then going on a trip that I want to eat on now the real question is Do I take the Ozempis and then go on a trip or do I just say fuck the points? Like Joey Diaz and do I just get off the Ozempis for that one trip? I don't think you do that Really? Yeah, I think you stay but then I won't enjoy the foods as much. Don't go crazy. Don't do one of your fucking 500 unit injections. Just do a regular one. I know.
Starting point is 00:14:08 Yeah, that made it all the way to That was pretty cool. Apparently I OD'd on Ozempic, which to me that OD implies like death, hospitalization. None of that happened. Well, I think what you were saying was pretty clear. OD was meant as a superlative. You know, it was an exaggeration.
Starting point is 00:14:29 People don't OD and die on that. You were just saying, I took too much. I took the wrong dose. And then people were like, you can't OD on this. You're like, okay. Yeah, and not only that, I love how everybody in the comments is immediately a medical professional.
Starting point is 00:14:45 Thank you for all the fantastic medical advice on Instagram. So many people also did. I looked at it and people were like, it's not how it's given, like they don't understand that you can be given compound version and self dose. Yeah. But they're the experts, so they're informing everybody. That's just indicative of how everything is now. People just comment, have no idea what they're talking everybody. That's just indicative of how everything is now. People just comment, have no idea what they're talking about and go,
Starting point is 00:15:08 I'm gonna speak with confidence. I know, because I did this thing once. Yeah, so I guess you're right, I should probably stay on the Ozempies and then enjoy one or two bites like a civilized person and then move on. Yeah, I think that's what you should do. Okay, on a normal dose, I will do that.
Starting point is 00:15:23 Because it is working. Now the first week where I did oh Too much dose. Yeah lost a lot of weight that way. Yeah, now it's slowed down Yeah, since I've been doing lesser it's almost like you should just live in pain To lose weight right do that the chiropractor the Russian way live like that. Ah Yeah, that's the way to live like so what if I feel like vomiting all the time? It's fine. Yeah. It's fine. Constant acid reflux, diarrhea.
Starting point is 00:15:48 So what, you lost weight. I did. Yeah. I did. But it also makes you, taking trips is what, is one of the things that you realize, this is how you pick a partner for life. Yes.
Starting point is 00:16:00 Because we were talking about, how do you know you're with somebody that you should be with? Right, how do you pick a partner? Well, because a life partner is the most important choice you're going to make. Who you marry will dictate your mental happiness, your physical happiness, your money,
Starting point is 00:16:19 how much success you might have in that, in your family life. By partnering up. It's a huge problem or a huge benefit. So it's real important. And it's also endlessly fascinating. It's a topic that people are never tired of because everyone's looking for someone. Everyone's trying to shack up, as they say, with somebody.
Starting point is 00:16:39 Wait, but what were you getting to? Sorry, I forgot what we were talking about. Well, I was just saying that one of the ways you know, I think is that it's who can you travel with? The travel. Travel is a big one. Huge. Because everybody, even if you think of outside
Starting point is 00:16:53 of a relationship, even if you think of friends, have you ever been on a trip with a friend and you realize, Jesus Christ, like this is my friend when we're in the same town, but taking a trip with them is another story. That's right. Because one of the things that happens when you travel is you see what somebody's like,
Starting point is 00:17:10 what they're like on the road. Like I travel, we both travel for a living. And so sometimes like you bring like comedians with you, you know, and you have your crew, you can see that some of them are like, what are we doing today? And you're like, what are you doing today? And you're like, what are you doing today? What do you mean, what are we doing today?
Starting point is 00:17:29 I'm doing me, which is like, I have my own routine. I've done it so much now, now I realize what it is, which is I try to get good sleep. I don't sleep late, like that is all done. That time. Really, what time do you wake up? Generally, if it's on the road, I'll still wake up Look, there's time zones. So these this obviously gets affected, but I'm a generally sleeping
Starting point is 00:17:52 Just whatever time I go to bed between six and eight hours. So yeah, that just happened I don't I don't get the thing where it's like, oh now I'll sleep 11 hours. It doesn't happen. I do that Oh my body's not capable I've had I've had the nine plus I do that. Oh my body's not I've had I've had the nine plus I think that's the extreme of it. So that means I'm generally waking up You know eight o'clock, you know, maybe nine like that's if you if you take into account a Dramatic time zone change sure might make it might appear to be later, but it's not more sleep. Right.
Starting point is 00:18:27 So what I'm saying is I wake up, I have coffee, I have breakfast, and most of the time we're just already thinking about like, okay, am I going to the gym now? And then after that, it's like, there's going to be possibly an outing. Possibly. Possibly. Not every time. If the energy exists for that sort of thing.
Starting point is 00:18:48 If the energy is there. And if you do, that's generally if you're staying in a downtown city type thing. So it's very easy to just go downstairs and like check something out, go to a, you know, I've done museums, I've gone to stores, things like that. And sometimes it's just like a nice walk.
Starting point is 00:19:07 Like when we were in Seattle, we just went for a walk, but they have the whole market there. So it's like, you're with people, you're seeing things. Maybe we got a coffee when we were out. We take our walk. We were back an hour later. That's it. That's the outing for the day.
Starting point is 00:19:20 Then I had phone calls, I have Zooms meetings. And then we're like, OK, we're gonna go do sound check, we come back, do a little workout, go do the show. That's the routine. So that's what I duplicate. If somebody's coming into this group and they're like, I don't wanna do that, then you're on your own. Like you're not with us.
Starting point is 00:19:41 Oh yeah, when I invite other mom friends to meet me on the road. Oh yeah. And you know, one of them is like, great, invite other mom friends to meet me on the road. Oh yeah. And one of them is like, great, well there's this restaurant during the day we can go to and then at night there's this thing. And I was like, I'm not doing any of that. I'm sorry, I have to conserve energy, I travel.
Starting point is 00:19:54 I'm not doing any of that shit. It's an energy conservation thing. But what I'm saying also is, let's say you're talking about a fun trip. Even if you're going, I'm taking a fun trip. Oh, yeah. You still have people that you can do that with and people you can't.
Starting point is 00:20:07 A thousand percent. And that is a really good indicator of a life partner. Life partner is somebody you can travel with. So you have to be able to be on the same wavelength of how you enjoy travel. Like my sister Maria, for instance, her idea of a vacation is wake up and get ready for an Ironman competition.
Starting point is 00:20:29 Like, it's like three and four workouts a day, activity, activity, activity. It's like she can't get enough out of a day. Look, that's the type of person. But the thing is, what works for her is that her husband is also like that. So that's why that's a good match. If her husband was my disposition,
Starting point is 00:20:49 then that would, I don't think that, because they would just be like, well, I guess I'll see you at the end of the vacation. Well, it's not gonna last. Yeah, because I, it's funny, because you said- I don't wanna work out, but I don't wanna do 10 things like she does. No, and I just as a sidebar,
Starting point is 00:21:01 I remember one time we all, we met the family in Miami and your sister had just gotten off a red eye. Holy shit. And you and I were on, we're having breakfast like on the strip there. And she comes jogging up and we're like, what are you doing? She's like, I just, I did a red eye and then I just jogged around.
Starting point is 00:21:18 She landed and went on her multi-mile. But you're not sleeping all night. I'm like, that's not what I'm doing. Yeah, that's just the way that she is. I think, so travel's a big one. So travel, so hold on, but this is a big deal because when you and I vacation together, you said it perfectly, you're like, you and I are pugs.
Starting point is 00:21:36 Yeah. We're pugs. We're pugs. And then you pointed out, you go, you know, but you're athletic. More than me, definitely. But what I said is that I'm an athletic pug. I'm like, you ever see a pug run?
Starting point is 00:21:49 People go, look at that fucking pug run. Like, at the end of the day, you're not like, hey, that's a fucking German Shepherd. It's still a pug. It's still a pug. I'm still like, and I still wanna get back and not lay down, you know, I still lay down dude So all I want to do that's all I want to do
Starting point is 00:22:10 I'm a Do my little run and then I'm ready to lay down and I think that that's Yep there you are. Yeah, you know, it's funny is like years ago, your dad, we were talking about traveling and going to a museum. And when he's saying, he's like, what would I have seen it before? Done it. I don't wanna say that.
Starting point is 00:22:34 What he liked was history museums. He did like those. Sure. So like in Chicago, the National History Museum, I think it's called. National Naturals. And then's called. National Naturals. And then the Smithsonian. History Museums, one thing he did not like was art museums.
Starting point is 00:22:51 Not a fan. History for him was very captivating. He liked aquariums too, because he loved the sea life, you know, ocean. But not a fan of art, he would be like, what? And he's like, yeah, you see it and you saw it. I'm like, fuck man, okay. But I'm kind of becoming that way
Starting point is 00:23:10 because I feel like I've seen all that stuff in Europe. I've been to Europe a bunch and done it. I'm like, I've fucking seen it. I don't wanna do it. I'll tell you one place I don't wanna go is Italy. You don't wanna go at all? Zero interest. Why?
Starting point is 00:23:24 The last. Oh, he doesn't like Italian food though. He doesn't like pizza. He how about like outside of the country? I'm saying like, I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza.
Starting point is 00:23:32 I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza.
Starting point is 00:23:40 I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send you the pizza. I'll send like is there any place you want to go in the world? I'd like to send you No, like well, how about like outside of the country? I'm saying like I'll send you internationally wherever you want to go Yeah, I already been to Australia and then I go I mean what about and that's what I go like You know Spain. Mm-hmm Italy Greece. Oh god
Starting point is 00:24:04 No, I go nothing and then Spain, Italy, Greece. Oh God. I'm like, no. I go nothing. And then he goes London. I think he had never been to London. He goes London, they speak English. And then my mother wanted to go, I didn't know this, she wanted to go to St. Petersburg. She'd really wanted to visit St. Petersburg, Russia.
Starting point is 00:24:20 And he was like, yeah, go for your mother, I guess. So that was like kind of something they discussed, but it just never happened. Policy Genius is the country's leading online insurance marketplace. It saves you time and money. So you can provide your family with a financial safety net starting today.
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Starting point is 00:26:43 Now I'm sending her to see like, I think Romare used to party, like some of the clubs she used to go to. That's cool. Yeah, when she was a hoe before she had Jesus. So she's gonna go check out some of her hotspots. That's fun. I mean, but how you are when you go to a foreign country
Starting point is 00:27:00 is really big. Do you have high anxiety? Yeah. Are you able to just sit and chill in a cafe? So it's travel, it's how your demeanor. Eat. Eating is, you and I have always talked about this. If you can't eat with the person,
Starting point is 00:27:14 how are you gonna have? No. And I will say, so for me, what's your ideal weekend? I would look for that in a partner. Again, I remember I dated this guy Tommy. Mm-hmm So Sundays to me, it's the Lord's Day. Yeah, I know I lay on the couch. I'm gonna I'm gonna eat ice cream I'm not gonna fucking do shit. I'm not gonna get out of my pajamas. It's the day every sacred family recharge day
Starting point is 00:27:38 Yeah, and I remember my ex was ex-boyfriend of mine was like, let's go walk into this festival We walk there and it was like getting hot in LA and I was like, let's go walk into this festival, we walk there. And it was like getting hot in LA. And I was like, I don't wanna, I don't wanna fucking walk. And I had to put on an outfit and I was, and I was so fucking miserable. And it was at that moment, I was like, I think I'm gonna, I think this isn't gonna work.
Starting point is 00:27:58 Really? Yeah, it was one of the first things where I was like, this is no good. Well, that he was much neater than me. And you and I are, were pigs. That's another thing is what's your- Neatness. Neatness like, this is no good. Well, that and he was much neater than me. And you and I were pigs. That's another thing is what's your- Neatness. Neatness like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:09 And he was very, you know, clean, clean, not me. But I just remember that Sunday, I was so angry. And we were gonna go meet people, meet friends, get drinking, and I was like, I don't wanna do any of this, I wanna stay home. Sure. Why are you making me do this? Don't make me do this.
Starting point is 00:28:22 It's torture. And then I think what's really important, which is interesting in marriage and stuff, is like, I think the most important thing is A, being willing to work on the relationship and work on yourself. And then to love that other person's awful parts and your own awful parts.
Starting point is 00:28:42 First, you love your own awful parts. It's the life journey. It's the acceptance of your flaws and who you are. And everyone, yeah. But mostly your own and then you're like, that's the big thing. I'm like, geez. When you realize you're like, these are my flaws.
Starting point is 00:28:55 And that's just, you learn to accept and almost love that like, yeah, this is how I am. I'm not the fucking adventure seeker. You just go like, yeah, that's who I am. I'm not the fuckin' adventure seeker. You just go like, yeah, that's who I am. And you celebrate your own shortcomings or whatever. Yeah, or even like adult friendships, you know? Yeah. Like I have a great new adult friend.
Starting point is 00:29:18 And she's very easy at connecting, like very emotionally open. And I'm not, obviously like it's something I really work on, you know, I get embarrassed. Yeah, I do, I know. About feelings and stuff. But it was cool, we had a moment where I was like, oh God, I'm so embarrassed.
Starting point is 00:29:36 And I told her, I was like, I feel like I'm embarrassed that I was like, you know, like I shared or whatever. You know, and I told her and I normally don't, instead I would just be embarrassed and then like withdraw. Sorry, I would withdraw so that I looked cool. Yeah. But I shared that I was like, oh God, I'm so fucking. And how did it go?
Starting point is 00:29:57 It was great. She was very accepting and like, now she just knows that about me. Right. That I get embarrassed, I'm like the British. Maybe that's why I like the British so much. They're embarrassed. Yeah, they're embarrassed to show any emotion me. That I get embarrassed, I'm like the British. Maybe that's why I like the British so much, they're always embarrassed. Yeah, they're embarrassed to show any emotion.
Starting point is 00:30:08 Yeah, I get embarrassed. Like right now my stomach feels queasy. Talking about it. Yeah, or it's the Ozempic and we just had lunch, but I'm not sure. But you don't feel gross connecting to people. That doesn't bother you. Yeah, I feel like it's a weakness
Starting point is 00:30:23 and I start to shame myself like that. Like the Russian chiropractor that's my parents telling me I'm weak and terrible for having feelings. But don't you feel like progressing through that in some way? This is why I'm working on it. This is why I'm working on it. This is what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:30:38 So now you have to find people that are open to the journey with you. With you. Is what I'm saying. And holds your hand through it basically. But if you marry somebody that can't go there with you, then like, what do you fucking do? It sucks, it's gotta suck, you know?
Starting point is 00:30:52 Well, it's funny about growing up. No, no, have you- What are you segueing into? No, no, have you been privy yet to the Hungarian insults on this yet? No, let's do it, I love this. Oh, this is fucking cool, you're gonna love this. Oh, it's, who guys? love this. Oh, this is fucking cool. You're gonna love this.
Starting point is 00:31:05 Speaking of your upbringing, check this out. Here are some more Hungarian insults I wish I was kidding about. Hungarians don't say kiss my ass. They say nyad ki a seggemet, which means lick out my ass. Again, better. Hungarians also don't really say damn you.
Starting point is 00:31:21 They say a kurványád, which means your whore mother. Lastly, if you really wanna be evil, you say nöjön gitara hašadba is pengeserá. Which means may a guitar grow in your stomach and cancer strum it. You're like, feelings. You look great, baby. Yeah, this is terrible. May a guitar grow in your stomach and cancer strum it? I mean, this sounds like a newer one.
Starting point is 00:31:53 I never heard this growing up, but I like it. That's really good. It's very creative, no? Yeah, let cancer play the guitar in your stomach. Yeah. It's fucking amazing. It's pretty intense. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:05 This is when I'm proud to be Hungarian. Yeah. It's fucking amazing. It's pretty intense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is when I'm proud to be Hungarian. Sure. No, you guys are aces with the insults. Yeah. That's good stuff. Yeah. A shegedbe I used to hear all the time.
Starting point is 00:32:14 A kurvanyad is like, you hear that in the car growing up a thousand times. Your poor mother. Everything is kurvanyad. Kura kurvanyad. This is the. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:23 Pretty cool, man. Did your mother even curse in Spanish? Yeah. What does she say? Not big time stuff. She would say... Like shit or something. Yeah. Carajo, mierda.
Starting point is 00:32:32 What is carajo? Carajo is damn. But she didn't get into like creative, most of the creative cursing that's done in most languages comes from men. Dudes, yeah. Yeah. Women aren't fucking cancer.
Starting point is 00:32:44 Now the, my cousins would say wild shit. The creative cursing that's done in most languages comes from men. Dudes, yeah. Women aren't fucking cancer. Now, my cousins would say wild shit in Spanish, cursing. But no, she was pretty basic. And then in English, chat. Chat. Chat. She always says chat. Yeah, ay, chat.
Starting point is 00:32:59 Yeah, this chick's funny, dude. Carajo mierda, caraja. That's the worst you can say in Spanish? That's what she would, that's the worst she would come to. Oh, but what's the worst you've heard? Like you're, it's always mom we talk to. Yeah. Your mother, this and that.
Starting point is 00:33:12 Yeah. Your mother sucks your dicks and stuff. Your mother sucks the devil's dicks. La reputisima gran concha de tu herma. Like, you know. Yeah. It's all like, yeah, it's all like, you're super great son of your fucking whore mother,
Starting point is 00:33:24 you know, like you're the son of your fucking whore mother, like you're the greatest of all whores. You're the son of the biggest whore of all. This is what it translates to. You know. Hijo de la gran puta de tu madre. Yeah, oh that's awful. I like that stuff.
Starting point is 00:33:39 Concha su madre. Yeah, that's, yeah. Spanish swearing always makes me laugh. It sounds, it's very nice. Cause you hear it a lot like in restaurants, when I work in restaurants, you hear the busboys talking shit to each other. No shit.
Starting point is 00:33:53 But you know, cause you guys, Hungarians, one country's language, Spanish is spoken in so many places. So the cursing and the insults vary country to country. So you hear certain things more in different countries, you know, like Cognac is like, it's very Caribbean thing where you hear it from Cubans and Dominicans. You don't really, you don't ever hear coño
Starting point is 00:34:13 in South America. In Spain, joder is fuck, so you just hear joder. But in South America, they use the word joder, but it's less impactful. It's not as offensive. It's more offensive in Spain. I like the word impactful. I remember.
Starting point is 00:34:33 It's a corporate word. That's okay. Chinga tu madre. That's super Mexican. Yeah, they don't say that in South America. I used to hear that one a lot. Rubia, they call me that. South America. I used to hear that one a lot.
Starting point is 00:34:43 Rubia, they call me that. Cojer is fuck in like four or five countries and in the rest of them, it's not even a swear word. Isn't that funny? It's not a. So cojer is to pick up. So it's a, you know, cojer,
Starting point is 00:35:03 pick up the glass. But if you said that in Mexico or Argentina, that means fuck that glass. Yeah. That's cool. Put your dick in it. Put your dick in that glass. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:15 So yeah, I mean there's so many different things that are said, but yeah, verga, you know, that's super Mexican. They don't say that. Verga, yeah, chupa mi verga. Yeah, they don't say that in South America. Yeah, I like Mexican Spanish the best. Yeah, well you were around it the most.
Starting point is 00:35:32 That's what I heard, yeah, I like it. Mm-hmm. All right. Yeah, that's pretty cool stuff. Well, that's a cool, thank you so much, lady. Yeah, oh. May a guitar grow in your stomach and cancer strum it. That is pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:35:42 I'm so proud of myself. Peeing on money is a way to switch that power dynamic. So this might happen because as a child, maybe you had to be a people pleaser. Maybe you had to be subservient to your parents or your caregivers to get your needs met. Do money, or I know for myself, I was doing that with my boss. And then what do you do? I was people pleasing my boss to make money because I learned I had to people please my parents
Starting point is 00:36:18 to get my needs met. So I just continued that pattern. And when you pee on money, that can completely switch the dynamic, that can completely switch. Bring you back into your power, bring you back into a place of like, I am the boss of you.
Starting point is 00:36:40 You are not controlling me. I am the boss of you. You gonna try it? Yeah, and look, if anything I've learned in 17 years of psychotherapy and Lexapro and EMDR and ketamine therapy and all this, it just takes, it's one and done. You just gotta do one thing.
Starting point is 00:36:56 Like you just gotta pay on money and then it's done. Okay, cool. It's cool. One thing. I'm gonna do it. I like it. Can I ask you this? So about a month ago I had a birthday. You did. You're 54 years old now.
Starting point is 00:37:12 And you guys have been holding a birthday video for me. Yes. I have no idea what's on this. I was just told it's pretty long. Oh, okay. Well, let's try it out. Can I try it? Can I watch it? I'm excited.
Starting point is 00:37:25 Good time to watch it. Okay. I don't know anything about this. It just says birthday video. Okay. What's going on, Tom? It's your favorite Canadian barista checking in. Just wanted to take a minute to wish you a very special happy birthday. Hope you have an amazing day with an amazing iced oat latte. And I hope your birthday is filled with a tremendous amount of hate. Have a wonderful birthday. Hate from Toronto, Canada, my friend. Yeah. Hey, Tom Segora. How's it going? It's Brawlio here in Alaska. Just wanted to wish you a happy 45th birthday. I hope you have a good one,
Starting point is 00:37:54 and I wish you nothing but the best from the bottom of my heart. Here in Alaska, happy birthday from Brawlio. Yes. Thanks, bro. Hey, Tom. It's Abby. Happy birthday. Yo. Hope you're keeping them high and airtight. Maybe 45 is there Christina finally likes your scrum. Happy birthday, man I'm really thankful to be asked to be a part of your birthday Making some little videos here to celebrate your life and now the achievements that you made and thank you
Starting point is 00:38:19 And your new vodka that's coming out this year And I really wanted to get some of your vodka to toast for your birthday But I couldn't get any of your vodka I couldn't find it so what I did find was this this liquid death can here which happens to be exactly son of a bitch eight point five inches in circumference so good memories for the day good 8.5 inches ends to conference. So good memories for the day. Good thoughts. And man, I got your cock.
Starting point is 00:38:51 Man, I got your back. Come here and see me in Dallas sometime. Happy birthday. Happy birthday to Tom. Happy birthday to Tom. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday to Tom.
Starting point is 00:39:04 Many more days to come. Many more days to come. Happy birthday to Tom. Happy birthday to Tom birthday happy birthday to Tom Many more does to come eight men and more now to come happy birthday Wow Tom Tom Tom Happy Birthday Tom Sakura and many more to come. Oh good morning Tom. Come on let me see them beautiful eyes. Was you cold last night? Well I'm sorry you should have put a warmer blanket on. the Thanks Steve. Happy birthday from the king. Christina P, you take care of that king. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:40:08 Make him a good breakfast. Get the ground running. And yes, no brawl and panty day. He's gonna love that. No brawl and let the mommy milker swing from side to side. How did this turn into me? I couldn't even say the word getting so excited Thanks, can you enjoy their mommy milkers today? Appreciate your birthday. Thank you, sir. That's your present
Starting point is 00:40:37 Love you guys. You guys have a wonderful day. We love you Tom Segura Go kick in kagasuka. What does she want. Anyway, Tom Sagura. Happy birthday. From the powerful and attractive Gene Simmons. Hell yes. And from me to you, one gentleman to another, I will never ever release those photos of you with the farm animals.
Starting point is 00:40:56 Which sort of reminds me of a story about going out. Hey Tom, just gotta interrupt and say happy birthday. Thank you, Nick and Gene. We interrupt and say happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you birthday. Thank you, Nick and Jean. We interrupt and say happy birthday to Tom! Happy birthday, Tom! And all your fans love it when we interrupt. It's the interruption. Hi Tom, I hope you're doing well and you're staying safe.
Starting point is 00:41:18 Well Tom, I am delighted to hear that you lost 200 pounds. I'm proud of you for doing that. So stay focused with your weight loss and keep yourself in good shape. I hear that you lost 200 pounds. I'm proud of you for doing that. So stay focused with your weight loss and keep yourself in good shape. Now you're worried about aging and thinking about some work on the face and your nose. Because you think your nose is drooping. Well, that self improvement is going to be great. So that will be a good option for you. Keep up with that. Thank you, doctor
Starting point is 00:41:47 I hear that you have a birthday coming up and you're going to be 53 years old Have a wonderful happy birthday I got a little surprise for you No I got a little surprise for you. It'll help celebrate your birthday. Oh! Let's go do it. No way. No. Will you kick me in the balls? Oh, Pierce!
Starting point is 00:42:13 Oh! I think that was the hardest one, yes. Holy shit. Oh, Pierce! Pierce! No! You didn't think I was actually getting kicked in the balls, right? Happy birthday Tom oh Pierce Tom happy birthday. Hi, there's Ernie Hudson and then you're turning 68, which is a great
Starting point is 00:42:43 you know the numbers start to add up, as you know. And I should also explain, Tom, that I'm a Ghostbuster, okay? And I hear a lot of things because ghosts like to talk. And I know that you've been mistaken from time to time with John Amos. And the one thing I'll say about John is a friend of mine, I never knew him when he wasn't in shape So one of the things I strongly suggest is drink water. Don't forget to drink water We're not at least three times a week
Starting point is 00:43:15 Especially work out on coordination and go to the gym about an hour. Just work strictly on Balance coordination. Anyway, just enjoy this birthday, have a lot of fun. Like I said, you know what you need to do in order to have guns like these. Crazy. Okay, so stay up, stay strong, and of course, always keep on busting. No, no, I'm gonna puke.
Starting point is 00:43:42 Oh, fuck. I hate watching him jizz. Oh no, I'm gonna puke. I hate watching him jizz. Oh no, I can't. Oh well. Aw, geez, well. Oh yeah. Oh, fuck yeah, Tom. Oh, fuck.
Starting point is 00:43:58 Oh, happy birthday to you. Guys. Happy birthday to you guys happy birthday to you oh brother Tom happy birthday to you in the kitchen I guess we're not posting this video brother Tom the Spartans believed on special occasions come cum should be drunk. To celebrate your birthday, to celebrate the man you become, your increasing potency,
Starting point is 00:44:33 here's a cum toast to you, brother. God, I'm glad that was the last one. I was like, where's this going from there? How do you top? Yeah, that's the finisher. Holy shit. That was amazing. That was really great. I totally lost track of time, so you were right.
Starting point is 00:44:52 Whew, thanks. Thank you Will Blunder for that last one. All of them. I mean, Ernie Hudson. Well, look, I'm sorry, I'm still processing. The King Above 18. And also, let's, yeah, hold on. Wow, I gotta take a minute.
Starting point is 00:45:08 He drank it out of a chalice. For you, for you, for you. That was pretty cool. I did like to see RPC. He brought out his. That was, he did the most variation in performance. Thank you, RPC, that was very sweet. And he brought out his Barbies,
Starting point is 00:45:24 his best Barbies in the back. And he had a cool hat on that he probably made. And I know if you noticed, he wore a beautiful diamond necklace for you too. I was really noticing the details. Oh wow, the whole thing. He decorated really nice, his apartment for you. The Simmons family.
Starting point is 00:45:36 Nick Simmons, adorable. He's so funny. So he was on Josh Potter's. Oh my God, we have it. We have clips here. But anyway, I want to say, before we get into that, happy Smurf Day. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:45:46 You're the greatest husband. You're the greatest father. Thank you. We all love you so very much. I feel very loved, especially after watching that video. Yeah. Thank you. That was really nice.
Starting point is 00:45:55 Thank you for putting that together. That was beautiful. That was awesome. Happy birthday, man. Thank you very much. 60 something is what Ernie has taught us. Yeah, it was amazing. And I get confused for John Amos a lot.
Starting point is 00:46:05 It was nice. And what's the weight loss doc? That was fucking amazing. Oh my God. I was thinking you lost 200 pounds. It's pretty great. You're gonna have some surgery on your face. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:22 That was rad. Very cool. Do you feel any different now that you're 54? I don't feel that different actually. I feel good. You do. I actually feel good. You look good.
Starting point is 00:46:31 I feel good. You look gooder than a bitch. Thank you. You look gooder than you've looked ever. Healthy, vibrant. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I can't complain.
Starting point is 00:46:38 You're great. I'm a happy guy. Life is good. Life's good. Good. Thank you very much everybody. Thank you very much. You pointed out, so Nick, that was very sweet.
Starting point is 00:46:47 So he, in the video, it starts with Gene Simmons, and then Nick interrupts him, and then his mother and sister, or his girlfriend, I couldn't see her in the background. I think that was his sister. But anyways, they all start interrupting. He's like, yeah, people like when I interrupt. So he got wind of the fact that when Gene and him came on the show,
Starting point is 00:47:07 the fans were saying that Nick was interrupting him a bunch. And then Nick went on Josh Potter's podcast, Behind the Genes, to talk about it. And this was very funny. I felt myself. Favorite comment from someone who hated me was, I would pay an extra subscription fee for this episode I thought I saw that. My favorite comment from someone who hated me was, I will pay an extra subscription fee for this episode with him edited out.
Starting point is 00:47:34 That was your favorite one? I've had too much so far. Let me read a couple that we pulled here. It takes a lot to get under my skin. It's fine. I don't care. Okay, well let's see if we can do it. No, I'm just kidding. These are actually fun hate ones like the first one says the hate for Nick is like the coffee girl lolol yeah I yeah I felt like coffee girl this one says Nick is Jean's Burt I can't really argue with that y'all telling Nick to pipe down was the best part who told you to pipe down? Oh, just like oh Tom Tom did Tom was like shut up. He was I don't remember that part No, he said he said it he was like being funny because he wanted to hear the fucked up groupie story. He was having girls what?
Starting point is 00:48:21 Everyone shut up I would have wanted to hear that too. A lovely story about dad, you know, fucking a bunch of groupies. Weird that I didn't wanna hear that. Well, I love Nick and Gene Simmons. Oh, he's the best. They're such a good family.
Starting point is 00:48:40 They're so fun. We love you. They're awesome. We love you both, Gene and Nick. Also, sidebar, I saw a clip of Cher on TikTok on like the David Letterman show back in the day in the nineties. And it was like, you know, back in the nineties, inappropriate.
Starting point is 00:48:52 And he was like, so who have you banged? Like what celebrities? Here's a list of guys you've banged, basically. That's what, really? Yes. Famous men that you've had sex with, with Cher. I know, it was so weird. And she would be like, no, I wish I, oh, Elvis Presley. She goes, no, I wish I was too nervous, I couldn't do it.
Starting point is 00:49:10 And then you go Gene Simmons. And she was like, yeah, he's lovely, he's the best. He was great. Like she was really into Gene. So there you go, Gene. You crushed Cher. Cher is a big fan. She still loves it, she loved it.
Starting point is 00:49:21 That's awesome. Yeah. That's awesome. Since it's my birthday episode, here we go. Oh. Oh. Fuck, your mother, you fucking dick, dude. That's my birthday.
Starting point is 00:49:31 I was having such a good time. I'm having, like, my birthday. Why'd you ruin it? Hey. That was kinda cool. Why'd you ruin that? That was fun. Not for you, for you it's fun.
Starting point is 00:49:40 Birthday. Yeah, you fucking, all right. All right. You betrayed me. No. You betrayed my trust. No. Here, you fucking, all right. All right. You betrayed me. No. You betrayed my trust. No. Here, you'll like this one.
Starting point is 00:49:50 Here we go, ready? You gotta put them in. No. No, I'm switching it. I'm switching it. You're lying. I swear to God. You swear?
Starting point is 00:49:56 Yes, I'm switching it. I don't try, if you fucking betray my trust. I will not. You swear? I swear. On your children's eyes. Yes. On baby Jesus.
Starting point is 00:50:04 Yes. Every time you lie to me, baby Jesus cries. Okay, okay, okay. Ready? Here we go. I walked in that jail for the first time. He's a, for people listening, this is a man who used to be a prison guard at Rikers Island on the women's side.
Starting point is 00:50:23 You know what I smelled? I smelled? I smelled butt ass. Butt ass. It was so bad. I mean, the funk hit you like boom. His eyes are watering. I couldn't breathe. I was like, oh shit.
Starting point is 00:50:42 Yeah, I've heard this too. And every day I come in, that butt ass hits you, bam. And now you're talking to another officer, now all y'all got the butt ass breath. How you doing? How you doing? But this is, first of all, this guy's hilarious. But secondly, this is like you put women
Starting point is 00:51:04 in the environment of prison and outside of the social, they turn into pigs too. So it's interesting, I saw a TikTok about this. This woman talked about why women stink in prison. And she's like, well, imagine you're all showering together. And then like, let's say a woman has an infection of some kind down there. You're not going, it's not like you're gonna make
Starting point is 00:51:26 an appointment at the gyno. So she's like, and then the steam and the smell and you will smell immediately whose vag is funky. Yeah, so she's like, you're just not getting treated for things. Wow. And I imagine it's not pleasant to shower in prison. You're probably not gonna, and the soap is harsh and stuff.
Starting point is 00:51:47 Like it's not a spa, Tom. I know. It's not the Four Seasons. But you can tell that he still smells it. Sure, he lives that smell. It's burned into your, like there's smells that you can never leave you. Yeah, I remember what the girls' locker room smelled like
Starting point is 00:52:00 in public school. It's similar. And also, oh dude, I know what it is. This is nasty, are you ready? It's fucking gross though. I'm not gonna, it's gonna make you sad. Okay. Hold on.
Starting point is 00:52:14 Yeah. So it's also periods. That's another thing is like pads can smell bad if they're sitting around. Like period smells can be real. Dirty pads, dirty stuff. And they just sit. And they just sit, yep.
Starting point is 00:52:34 And there's also some psychos in there. So they're like hiding pads under, you know, community areas. Sure, not washing their beavers enough during the period. And that can create smells too, I'm guessing. You have to be really hygienic, you know? When you got a meow. You gotta wash your meow every day.
Starting point is 00:52:53 You do, otherwise it's stinky down there. Well, if you've been to a woman's prison and you wanna let us know what the smells were like to you, please don't forget to write in yourmomspodcast at There's no house in the email address. It's yourmoms's podcast at There's no house in the email address. It's your mom's podcast at and let us know how much did it smell?
Starting point is 00:53:13 Yeah, I think it's just pussies. It's not armpits and stuff. It's pussies. Because pussies have a lot of maintenance issues. You have to maintain your puss. Yeah. Yeah. It's a delicate ecosystem, dude.
Starting point is 00:53:25 Yeah, it makes sense. There's a lot going on. Like, I always think about women and- And also, your puss can be reflective of your overall health. Absolutely. And if you're in prison, you're probably, maybe you're mentally not doing well,
Starting point is 00:53:36 physically you're not doing well. By eating good food. You're not eating good food. You're not, yeah. Well, I always think about women in active duty, active war zones. Yeah. Like, how the fuck are you changing your tampon as you're being shot at by the Taliban?
Starting point is 00:53:48 Like how do they do that? Do they pull you out of battle when you're on your period that week? And they go, how's your pussy? Get back in there. Yeah, is your pussy bloody? Seriously. Or like those professional,
Starting point is 00:53:57 I guess once you become an athlete, you lose your period. But yeah, dude, like what if it's Olympic week? Do you just lose it? Oh, cause your body fat gets so low. But yeah, dude, what if it's Olympic week? Do you just lose it? Oh, because your body fat gets so low. It's so low, yeah. Like those athletes, I guess. They just don't have it anymore.
Starting point is 00:54:11 You just lose your period, yeah. Does that mean they just stop ovulating and everything? This I don't know. I just know you stop menstruating, but I don't know if you stop ovulating. Maybe, yeah, maybe the whole cycle gets disrupted. Wow. Whoa, that's crazy.
Starting point is 00:54:26 It's like you're in menopause. Holy cow. This is so dark. Let's go to something fun for a second. Uh-oh, puke. No, it's not puke. It's a dead boner. It's a dead boner.
Starting point is 00:54:35 Okay, okay, okay. Inside of this, there is a gerundola, but you wanna make sure you're removing the top when you light this thing, because that thing inside spins around and it's a two-stage Dierendolla. So it spins up about a half a mile in the air. It's really-
Starting point is 00:54:50 It's a firework dad boner. Pretty crazy. I think this is definitely a fan favorite. I've lit this up before and it's a- I love fireworks. You can hear the enthusiasm in his voice. Cause they're always exciting. I agree with him.
Starting point is 00:54:59 That's what I like it. This is how I feel about storms. Remember when like- Storms, magic. There was that storm last month. Yeah. That was like- Yeah, I love storms magic. There was that storm last month. Yeah, it was like Yeah, I love this stuff. I was fully dad boner. Yeah. Yeah, it's the hell out of me It's got two stages on it. So let's see it in action. All right guys, don't forget
Starting point is 00:55:14 It's gonna start as a cake and then it has a two stage Jared Allah, we go. He keeps saying it. Oh fuck. Yeah, dude. Oh, yeah Yeah, that's tight I could use like 10 more of them though at the same time yeah, I feel like it's not oh my god It's coming. It's coming Mile in the air! That was so good. Pretty cool. Holy cow.
Starting point is 00:55:54 That was a happy dad. That was kind of rad though. I agree with him. Where can you get that? That thing actually seems like that's pretty accessible. Texas? Down the street? The liquor store? Oh, he runs the nation's largest firework channel on YouTube. He's showing off his stage to Gierandola.
Starting point is 00:56:11 That's Cody B Pyrotechnics. Gierandola. How much are those? $87? Yeah, we can get a bunch of those. That's what I was saying. Why don't we get like a hundred of them? Hell yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:56:22 Let's get them. Let's fucking do it. The YMH exclusive. That, dude. Let's get them. Let's fucking do it. The YMH exclusive. That, dude, we should get these. I'll place the order. Is there any legalities? Get more than one, get a few. Yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 00:56:33 Is there any legalities in terms of where you can set off fireworks in Texas? For sure. I feel like they don't give a shit, dude. I've seen fools doing this in their backyards. In LA, you would just do it in the street and just hope your neighbors didn't call the police on you. Can you anytime in Texas?
Starting point is 00:56:50 Let's see. Okay. Are allowed in Texas fireworks that are not allowed skyrockets or bottle rockets, a total propellant charge of less than four grams. A casing, I mean these are all very specific. I don't see the word gerundola. Okay, what dates are fireworks legal? That's the next drop down.
Starting point is 00:57:13 Oh, so there are parameters. I'm shocked. I know, me too. I'm shocked. These are all the months that you can. Cool. Yeah, they're all around like holidays it looks like. So in December you can,
Starting point is 00:57:29 wait December 20th to January 1st you can? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, right. Fourth of July, June 24th to July 4th you can? What about for my birthday? June 24th, okay. I'm June 18th, do you think we can squeeze it in?
Starting point is 00:57:45 These are cutting out almost all of our birthdays. Memorial Day, May 24th to May 29th. All of our birthdays. Sanga Di Mayo, oh they're definitely like, you gotta give them that. They're gonna do it anyway. Oh, so it started for April, I could have done it. April 16th, April 21st.
Starting point is 00:58:01 God damn it. Hey, can you shoot your guns in the air here? That's for sure not allowed. But in LA they do it anyway kind of thing. That's not allowed. Really? In Texas even? I feel like they're pretty lawless here. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure, I don't know, you probably would have to set off as many as we plan on buying for them to call somebody, you know? Yeah, no one gives a shit, bro. We gotta do that. We have have to do that now your next Assignment is find our the place we should launch from
Starting point is 00:58:30 You could probably do it from a boat. They don't give a shit That feels quite dangerous They let you do it in Hungary. There's a fucking Hungry St. Stephens day. Yeah, where they just shoot them off on a boat. Yeah, we should know this But then once I are on a boat. Yeah, we shouldn't do that. In August, but then one time. Fire on the boat is usually. But that's what happened. So I was there the year that the boat set fire. Of course.
Starting point is 00:58:49 And then they're like, okay, no more on the boat. This is a bad plan, whose idea? Yeah. Bad idea. Yeah. No, that's fucking cool, man. We're getting those. We're getting those and we're gonna.
Starting point is 00:59:01 Jared Dola. We're gonna do it on a legal date. Did you ever do fireworks with your parents in the streets of Florida? Parents, no, no. We did, I did it with like friends. We, you know, we got bottle rockets, the little ones. And then one time when I was very young,
Starting point is 00:59:15 we got a hold of an M80. That was fucking crazy. That's fun. Yeah, it's fun. It's a quarter of a stick of dynamite. I know. Good times. Yeah, we just blew a crater in the earth.
Starting point is 00:59:25 Definitely someone could have easily died or been maimed. Oh yeah. Yeah, we were like seven, eight. That's a good time, so. And there was like the one kid's older brother, that's why we were with him, you know. He was like 12. He was like, check this shit out.
Starting point is 00:59:38 Dude, boys are fucking. I know. Like, there's a reason that most serial killers are men, homie. What's the reason? You guys are fucked in your head. Oh, that's the reason? And that's why like you need a reason that most serial killers are men homie. What's the reason guys are fucked in your head? Oh, that's the reason and that's why like you need a mommy and a daddy to be like hey, dude Don't set off an M80 don't create craters in the ground don't kill animals dummy Yeah, you gotta just keep telling them that yeah, and then yeah and don't abuse them and stuff right? Yeah, it's true No reals no it is how come women aren't predominantly serial killer
Starting point is 01:00:05 and don't have this shit? I wonder that all the time. I wonder it all the time too. Because you guys are setting off MAO baby, smashing. It's crazy. Because boys, our DNA is to be destructive. I know. Break things.
Starting point is 01:00:15 They can't even sit still like to read a book. Julian's like, ah, ah, ah, wiggling elbows in my tits and everything. They're crazy, dude. Well, I think this is... Behind the jeans. You know, I did something that upset you, this is something to make you happy, okay?
Starting point is 01:00:29 Lies. Yeah, true, you like this. Hello and welcome to my fart talk. Everybody farts, yep, it's true. The average healthy human farts between 10 and 23 times a day. You're on the up-rend of that. It's whether they admit it or not is the thing.
Starting point is 01:00:43 But most of us, that's what we do. Unless you chew gum or you drink bubbly drinks or you drink drinks through a straw then you could be having more gas. But some people fart when they eat certain foods. Now I have friends that can look at a bean and start farting. I can eat a whole ton and nothing happens but give me raw broccoli, boom, I'm clear in the room. So everybody is unique. Now the problem is when it becomes excessive. So if you're farting all the time, you have bloating, you feel awful, you need to go see a GP and get referred to a registered dietitian who specializes in GI health and or a GI doctor. So and speaking of GI doctors, it's really important to get screened for colon cancer.
Starting point is 01:01:24 I have several friends to have colon cancer. I've been in colon cancer study because I know what the point of the story is. This is the lady who did the fart walk. Yes, how will I remember? So that means that she just posts fart videos? Yeah, my kind of gal. Let me pull up her page. I don't know if that's all she posts, but it's definitely a focus.
Starting point is 01:01:43 You rarely see people that look like her having fart talks. She's so matter of fact. She seems like a teacher, you know, like your favorite teacher, sweet lady. You know what I like? I bet she talks about sex and genitals in the same way. Like she's very normal.
Starting point is 01:01:59 Okay, she talks about aging too. She's really sweet. I like her. Fart talk. Aging wonderfully. Eat veggies. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:11 She's the best at it. Aging, don't become an old fart. Yeah. Yeah. It's cool? Go get a colonoscopy. The baseline in Canada is 50 years old. You could be saving your own life.
Starting point is 01:02:22 So. She's Canadian? Yeah. Yes. My's Canadian? Yeah. Yes. My fart talk is normal unless it's excessive. And then you really need to go to talk to somebody. But for everybody else, go outside and fart and never in an elevator.
Starting point is 01:02:36 She's polite about it. Yeah, of course. Canadians are politely. I farted on a plane next to Sean. And he was like, what the fuck? It was bad too, it was gnarly. What did you eat? What had I eaten?
Starting point is 01:02:51 Shit, I don't remember, but I ate and then we worked out. Not cool to pound farts in first class, bro. And I was like, ah, and it was long, it was like, ah, like it ripped and then I kind of waited a beat and he was like, oh my God, he had headphones on he was like Oh my god, dude. I was like, do you smell that? He goes yes, and then the flight attendant came back He started laughing so hard tears in his eyes She just walked she like stopped and she was like I get you guys something to drink and I was like
Starting point is 01:03:22 Was she attractive no, she was fine. She was normal, but she just, she didn't make any, you know. She'd come back. You know what's funny is that, cause I've known you for so long, I can guess, I can guess what that fart smells like. I know the like the tenor, I know. I can tell you this, this was particularly bad.
Starting point is 01:03:43 Yeah, I know. No, it was out of the norm bad. It's sour Usually they're very sour They stick they're sticky and gluey They linger okay Okay, I could tell you exactly what kind of fart that I could say what kind of right there I know exactly what kind of fart you farting through those jeans. Yeah. Yeah, it was fucking bad Man, oh mommy, that's not good exactly what kind of fart you farted through those jeans. Yeah. Yeah. It was fucking bad. Fucking motherfucker. Oh man.
Starting point is 01:04:07 Oh mommy. That's not good. No. That's not good. But you gotta shit. Doesn't that mean you have to shit when you're farting like that? And you wouldn't want to know the rest of the story?
Starting point is 01:04:16 Yeah. Then I went and I took a shit. Of course. Of course. On the plane. See, this is the thing with you. And guess what? What?
Starting point is 01:04:24 The sink wasn't running. No, that's the worst. Of course. See, this is the thing with you. And guess what? What? The sink wasn't running. No, that's the worst. Yeah. So I wanted to wet paper and like, you know, make myself more clean. Yeah. So I had to go get a bottle of water and use that to wash my ass.
Starting point is 01:04:37 Fuck, dude. That sucked. Yeah, the thing about you is like, you'll fart like that and then you won't automatically go I should shit Which is so weird cuz I'll tell you hey you need to shit Yeah, and then you go no and I go you do need to shit babe, and then you'll go yeah Yeah, just how it goes sometimes. I'm just lucky guy
Starting point is 01:05:02 Yep, isn't that cool? That's a really cool story. That's a really cool story. Turns out. Turns out I got a pretty cool asshole. Do you remember the first time I farted in front of you? The first. I don't think you do. No, I don't remember the first. Do you remember it?
Starting point is 01:05:15 No, thank God. I know you've done it many, many millions of times since. I know you just let it rip whenever now. Yeah, but I have to. It's good. No, you should go on a fart walk like she said outside. I do, sometimes. Hi, I'm Tracy Dixon.
Starting point is 01:05:31 I buy you a double white trailer if you be my boyfriend. I'm looking for a strong Caucasian man. Please no African Americans, no Latinas. I'm just here, so this shit please hit me up. I get my check, my food stamps. I live right here in the beautiful trailer park. And I'm just here looking for me and my end. So you like big girls like me? You know? Hit me back up. My mom is 25% white so yes I'm 25% white no and I'm a pretty girl so hitting me out from just a big girl none of these cute Caucasian men out here want me so I figure I get up here and find me one gotta be strong masculine beautiful slim skinny please no big boys I'll be waiting. You hear that Annie? You got no shot. I know that's why that's why I sent this girl to you remember. Oh, yeah, that's cool
Starting point is 01:06:29 Description man, I would have went for it. You do send me some pretty cool things from time to time He messages me pretty cool stuff, yeah You know, I like big girls thank you that's right Description me you should go's right. That's true. You fit a description, man. You should go for it. I do fit a description. Unfortunately, I'm taken,
Starting point is 01:06:48 but you know, some of the guys here aren't. That's true. Maybe some of your colleagues. Kenny Takers. I like her. Chad's looking like, wait, me, what do you want? I feel like Chad might like,
Starting point is 01:06:59 so you know, an African American. You're white, you're fit, smart. I like her style. I like her blue lipstick. I like the red feathers. Like, I think she has a good sense of style. If you like alt girls, she's a little alt. I like it.
Starting point is 01:07:15 She's nice. I know, I dig her. She does seem nice. I actually really like her. Also, there's nothing wrong with just, you know, what I would celebrate is you say what you're looking for. Yeah. Say what you're, you know?
Starting point is 01:07:25 She likes skinny white guys that live in a trailer park with her. She wants to live in a trailer park with him. Yeah. There's a ton of those, dude. That's all trailer parks are, skinny white guys. She gets her check, she does her thing. So I'm surprised she can't find one
Starting point is 01:07:37 in her particular trailer park, because I feel like that's the typical bro, you know? Yeah. Dude, there's tons of guys out there that are into her. There are guys that are definitely. Skinny white guys love her. I'm not sure if she's a her. What?
Starting point is 01:07:53 You just blew my mind. Did I just make an assumption about somebody's fucking pronouns? No, look at those tits. Those are definitely her pronouns, but I don't think she was born a her. But those tits have stretch marks, I feel like. That happens to both genders.
Starting point is 01:08:08 Oh no, if you take hormones? Or, you know, you could just, you could eat a lot. Mm, whoa. Ruh-roh. You just blew my mind, dude. Here I am thinking in the binary again. Yeah. Dude, I forgot it's 2024.
Starting point is 01:08:21 I didn't even ask her their pronouns. Well, it's not important. What's important is if you're skinny and white and want to shack up in a trailer park, she gets her check and she gets her stamps and she's like, oh, you can move in. You can move in, you can move in. She said, this is where I,
Starting point is 01:08:39 only thing I really jumped at in this whole video. She said, my mom's 25% white, so I'm 25% white. That's not how the math works. Oh, that's true, the math doesn't. That means you're 12 and a half percent white. Wow, Sigoura, good. Yeah, I don't like that she doesn't know fractions or percentages either, that bothers me.
Starting point is 01:08:53 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. If I were you, I would re-record the video. I'd say my mom's a quarter white, and I'm not quite that. Yeah, Chad, what's half a quarter? An eighth. She's an eighth white.
Starting point is 01:09:07 That was awesome. It's cool. Yeah, so, you know, there's people out there for everyone. You know that it really is true though. I think about this all the time, especially because you meet people that are single, sometimes lonely, sometimes will I ever find someone, and you have to remind yourself and others,
Starting point is 01:09:30 there are literally, there are, there's so many people in this world and there's somebody that's for you. There really is someone for you. Definitely. Doesn't matter. Some people out there think that it's not gonna happen for them, and it's not true.
Starting point is 01:09:41 You just, you actually have to take the fucking guidance of this young lady and put yourself not true. You just, you actually have to take the fucking guidance of this young lady and put yourself out there. Now, not necessarily in a video, but you have to put yourself out there in some way. Whether that means going to the local place to socialize or going to friends' house, you have to put yourself out there.
Starting point is 01:09:59 Some people make a video, some people decide they're gonna go to the party or you know what I mean, go to some type of event, the dinner, or whatever it might be. That's how, that's putting yourself out there. That's how you're gonna meet people. That's so true, Tom, but what about these broads?
Starting point is 01:10:13 You know, we've always watched these dating shows, and I feel like there's that particular type of woman, it's specifically a woman trait, where they're like, I'm just real picky, and I can't find, and I hate that. You know what that is though? That's a self-defense mechanism. Yeah. That's also when somebody becomes fiercely independent,
Starting point is 01:10:30 meaning where they go, I don't eat anybody. That's just a defense mechanism. Yeah, it's a sadness. If I stay fiercely independent, then nobody can hurt me. Sure. So I stay alone. But that's not really what you're seeking. No, it's not fun. That's true. And when they go, I'm super, super picky, that's another, well I stay alone, but that's not really what you're seeking. No, it's not fun Yeah, and when they go I'm super super picky. That's another well
Starting point is 01:10:48 You know he wasn't that tall or you know he has weird shoes like when you start nitpicking anything in somebody That's also a way of being like I don't want this might not end well So I'll just not I'll just say no right away But again the other thing about there being somebody for you, you have to throw away sometimes your pre, like I almost think it's annoying when you hear matchmaker shows and they'll be like, what do you want, what do you want?
Starting point is 01:11:15 What are your criteria? And then you go, well, I want, you know, brown hair, blue eyes, beard, he's gotta be comedian, he's gotta make this much money, he's gotta drive this car. It's like, you're not gonna necessarily. Checklists don't work. Yeah, that doesn't work.
Starting point is 01:11:28 Cause now you're, you're Xing out 98% of the population. It's also like not how you, it's not how you meet or get someone is by making a list. A list is not what you're trying to. I mean, it's fine to say like, you know, I want somebody that lives in this city Like that's fine. If you go I want people I don't want to date long distance. That's reasonable you want somebody that you could see all the time, but I
Starting point is 01:11:53 Mean when you start getting into the he's got to have this type of job. It's like what are you talking about? Yeah, go with somebody that you connect with gosh. It's so funny. I forget what I was I mean his chicks a lot of times that do that. It is, you know why? I think part of it is- They've got to make $200, $600, yeah. But you know why? It's because when we hooked up in our 20s,
Starting point is 01:12:14 you ain't got shit to offer really in your 20s except for who you are. And then you get into your 30s and then the criterion gets harder. Because then you're like, okay, well now let's say I have a PhD degree in something or I'm a lawyer or I'm this professional. I have to find someone that's now a professional
Starting point is 01:12:30 that makes X amount of money, has these things that I have. And then by the time you're in your 40s, like you're an accomplished person. And now it gets even harder to meet people, right? Totally. But when you're in your 20s, you kind of, I think you should get married like, gosh, in your 20s. Cause then- You think you should get married? In your late 20s, you kind of, I think you should get married, like gosh, in your 20s, cause then-
Starting point is 01:12:45 You think you should get married? In your late 20s, like we did. Wow. Well, because think about it, like that's first draft pick, right? Those are the people that want to get married, want to have families, are into that thing. I think you get married when you,
Starting point is 01:12:58 like when you feel like it, but the main thing is that you don't say, I have to meet somebody that meets all of these standards of mine. It's unrealistic. I think if you're a man, you can get married whenever you want. Oh, maybe that's the thing.
Starting point is 01:13:14 So if you're a dude listening to this, your stock just goes up, up, up every decade. Like if you were single now, you know, this guy's the limit. You could be dating any model. single now, you know, this guy's a limit. You could be dating any model. Right? But as a woman, the older we get, the value of the stock goes down in terms of looks
Starting point is 01:13:37 and then reproductive windows and such. So if you're a woman, I think it's advantageous to get married, not early 20s, but yeah, late 20s, early 30s, and then, you know? You don't wanna be like an older broad. True. That's tricky, I don't know. Or then you just become a stepmom.
Starting point is 01:13:54 Like then you resign to being like, dude, I don't know what I'm talking about. Let me just think. Okay, well maybe this will help. Yeah, I don't know, I don't know. There's no blanket thing is what I'm saying. But from what I see. Maybe this will help sharpen your sword
Starting point is 01:14:15 She's cute too. Yeah, that's weird. That's the thing is that you start this and you're like, huh? Yeah, she's a cute I like her. You see this. Yeah, imagine she does it on your cock and you're like, whoa Yeah she's pretty cute. I like her. When you see this, yeah. Imagine she does it on your cock and you're like, whoa. Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put that on my new checklist.
Starting point is 01:14:35 Will shoots rockets on my balls. See, there's somebody for everyone. There's someone for everybody. That's true, right now some guy is like, this chick's the best. Well, yeah, they're lighting up over it for sure. And so if you go like, well, no one like that's out there. She's right there. She's right there.
Starting point is 01:14:57 She's right there. She's right there. She goes for runs, she's healthy. Yep. And she has a giggle. Yep. She'll have fun. She likes German architecture in the background. Yeah, she's in
Starting point is 01:15:08 She's a cool chick. Mm-hmm. She's a cool chick. Yeah, some dude's dick just got hard watching her do that There's about four in that room right there. Yeah Yep, I also uh, yeah as a woman too. I've found that the more Yeah, the more you're like that not maybe more, yeah, the more you're like that, not maybe not that extreme, but the more you're like cool. Well, here's how much there's someone for everyone. Who's like you. Didn't we find a Disney adult dating site?
Starting point is 01:15:34 We did, we did. I mean, that shows you that you can find somebody in this world. And I hate them so much. Yeah. I hate them. There's a site if you want to go and This by the way at first you're like, oh, this is kind of sexy, right? You're not quite sure then you're like, huh that logo What's that all about?
Starting point is 01:15:54 magical match still feels kind of romantic and then At meetuponmain we're creating a network of Disney fans can make magical connections Whether you're looking for love or a park buddy Committed to creating a space for all Disney fans to connect that is Well, first of all how deceptive these fans are thin. Yeah, that's not true. That's not These two they're like, what do you think of Disney and they're like, I don't know the fuck you're talking about You mean when I was a kid?
Starting point is 01:16:27 Sharing the magic. Meet Upon Maine proudly donates a portion of every membership fee to allow children with terminal illness to enjoy the theme parks. Jesus. Tugging on the heartstrings there. All right, I'm corny, but I think there's just about 140 million people in this country
Starting point is 01:16:46 that are just as corny as I am. Walt Disney. Wow. Look at those two. Those two do not go to Disneyland every weekend. Hell to the fuck no, they don't. Those two fuck. No, no, no, no, dude.
Starting point is 01:17:01 That's not the Disney fans we've been seeing. Oh my God, you guys are absolute, oh, can you no, dude. That's not the Disney fans we've been seeing. Oh my God, you guys are absolute, oh, can you search? No. You can? Oh my God, dude, let's search. Let's do it. Oh my God. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:14 This is spot on. Yeah, this is about right. We can't show this part probably, right? Well, we can discuss. Yeah, we can discuss. I mean, all these guys look like, oh, oh. I mean, they all have bad, scary vibes. Okay.
Starting point is 01:17:29 Gay vibes. Sorry. We will mute those. Nope, you cannot. I mean, oh, here's my favorite. I'm going to put a picture of me with a mask. Yeah, I know. As my profile dummy. Yeah. Yeah. These guys don't look good. This is not what the models on the site look like. They all look gay, the dudes. Oh boy. They're dorks.
Starting point is 01:17:49 And that's by the way, that's what this is supposed to be. If you're into doing this as a dating thing, it's cause you're a fucking dork. What's that? Can't hear you. I'm just fucking, I'm mad that there's a black dude. I ain't no way. That's fake.
Starting point is 01:18:03 I know, it looks like a lifted photo. It doesn't look like a real photo. It's a stock photo. Yeah. I ain't no way that's fake. I know it looks like a it doesn't look like a real Photo yeah, we ain't doing this shit. No But I'm happy for them I'm happy for them. You know why because they found their place. Yeah, they found a place I know we're nerds meet other nerds. Yeah Okay, I know I guess because it's like related to a children's she seems somewhat put together Looks like me fuck on the right here
Starting point is 01:18:35 That's not that far off look how creepy there's 357 pages Holy shit, this is quite fun. Oh, that's I'm saying that's an interesting choice yeah very up close you know what else it says to me doesn't know how technology works so she didn't know how to crop it and she was like well that'll work also if I were a person at a dating site just hot tip yeah keep going don't take a picture of yourself in front of like office blinds. It's very depressed. Oh, looks sweet. Oh, got her, her ears on her mouse ears. Oh, looks sweet.
Starting point is 01:19:10 He looks nice. Oh, looks like she's on drugs. You know, these are all kind of, oof, that's what I'm talking about. That's a Disney. How big are the portions at the fucking place? That's what her look says. Yeah, but this, oof.
Starting point is 01:19:23 I know. Look, can we see that they're in, like what are they writing about themselves? Like over there. Yeah, that's a Disney adult right there. That's who this is for. Multi-colored hair, stupid ears, you know, three bills. Can we click on it and see like info about them? Like what they say their interests are?
Starting point is 01:19:42 Do you have to sign up? No, we can for some of them if they provided them the sites. Let's see what she says. Let's see, I'm curious. Look, she's troubled. Oh, okay. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 01:19:51 All right, hold on, hold on. Hold on. Do you cosplay? No. Who's your favorite Sith? Darth Vader. I didn't even know that. I didn't know that was Sith.
Starting point is 01:19:59 Which Star Wars weapon would you like to take into battle? A lightsaber. Who's your favorite Jedi? Obi-Wan Kenobi. Would you rather marry Jar Jar Binks or work for Jabba the Hutt in his palace? Jabba the Hutt. Okay.
Starting point is 01:20:13 Okay, so these are very, I mean this is just like- Who is your favorite, Tom, hold on. Can you even name a droid? Who is your favorite droid? I don't know. I don't know what a droid is. What the hell is rope dropping? Is it Saturdays or relaxing at home or rope dropping? Taking shits. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:20:32 Walt Disney World is WBW probably. Yeah, that is. Rope drop. Rope drop? To describe arriving at the theme parks very early in the mor- Oh, it's an inside term. Eww. What are you doing this weekend? to describe arriving at the theme parks very early in the oh, it's an inside term.
Starting point is 01:20:46 What are you doing this weekend? Probably gonna rope drop on Saturday. It's arriving at the theme park very early in the morning to be there as soon as it opens. Right. So meaning as soon as the rope drops. That is so gross. That's so cool.
Starting point is 01:21:04 That is the fucking lamest thing. Yeah, we got the lingo down there. Yo, I got that rope drop. That is so gross. That's so cool. That is the fucking lamest thing. Yeah, we got the lingo down now. Yo, I got that rope drop. Yeah, now you know if you hit up some Disney chick, you're gonna rope drop on Sunday or what, baby? Ha ha ha! Let's see. Rope drop.
Starting point is 01:21:18 Fuck off. Fuck right off. Rope drop. I can't read this. Can you make this font bigger? I'm fucking old, bro. Oh, there you go. Oh, there you go.
Starting point is 01:21:28 Jesus. All right. Did you cry while watching Avengers Endgame? Yes. What is this stupid, I don't even know what this movie is. Okay. If you could take a Disney cruise,
Starting point is 01:21:40 where would you go to the Caribbean? Yeah, you fucking basic bitch. Yeah. Who is your favorite non-force wielding character on Solo? Non-force wielding. I don't know. I mean, that is such a specific nerd question. How many times a year do you go to the park?
Starting point is 01:21:57 They consider me a cast member. That's somebody, but this goes back. Here's what, can I tell you the thing about all these people? What you're seeing a lot of, just deeply traumatized. This is a trauma response. Sure, sure, sure. The theme park is, if you're going that much,
Starting point is 01:22:12 this is a coping mechanism for trauma. True, look, this is true. Hey, I chose the dark side of the forest. These people are going into lollipops. Exactly, we chose comedy because we're fucked up in our own way. And they chose to go to like, la la la la la la la. Everything's nice.
Starting point is 01:22:28 But can I tell you why it's slightly reprehensible? Because it's based in consumerism. I buy, I collect. It's like you're not creating anything. You're not giving back or creating something to help the other with their trauma. It's consumer based. Comedy's transformative.
Starting point is 01:22:45 Music, transformative. Poetry, art. You're taking your suffering and you're making it something for the others to consume and grow. This is just consumerism. I collect Jar Jar Binks figurines and I collect. It's like, you're not doing anything.
Starting point is 01:23:01 That's why it bothers me. Just consume. Please, back to her fucking dork profile. Don't take it off. We gotta make fun of this person. Scroll down more. We're just getting started. If you could say anywhere on Disney,
Starting point is 01:23:14 where would you say Disney Beaches Club Resort? Hold on, guess her favorite food at the Disney park. Well, I happen to see it. And as I had guessed. Is it the veggie plate plate it's the wookie cookie The wookie Google the wookie cookie do you talk to strangers in elevators? No as a capital no, oh, yeah Yeah, yeah Well, she looks like she eats the wookie cookie. Oh, so this is everyone who likes wookie cookies
Starting point is 01:23:44 No, I mean, can you Google an actual image I'm curious to see how many calories yeah It's the Wookie Cookie. Oh, so this is everyone who likes Wookie Cookies. Yeah. Oh, no. No, I mean, can you Google an actual image? I'm curious to see how many calories. Yeah. Look at the disgusting fucking Wookie Cookie. Wait a minute, you can search key terms on that shit? Oh, no. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:58 You got to search rope drop. Rope drop. What is- I'm eating my fucking rope dropping. What are the calories in the Wookie Cookie? Yeah, let's see. That's my whole day. My whole week is the Wookie Cookie on Ozempic.
Starting point is 01:24:12 You kidding me? It's gotta be. Shit, the Wookie Cookie. Look at this, let's describe it first of all. It's two cookies. It's 700 calories. What? It's two cookies and then ice cream in the middle
Starting point is 01:24:28 and then frosting and shit on top of it for anybody just listening. Holy shit. 706 calories. You can also make it at home. It only contains 200 calories. But better get it at the park, it's better. Wow.
Starting point is 01:24:40 Okay, go back to her profile, this is too good. This is so good. What types of movies do you like? Action, thriller, drama, comedy, adventure, western, romantic. That's every fucking film type. Rope drop. Okay. Go back to rope drop. I'm out here just rope dropping on a fucking Monday.
Starting point is 01:24:58 And the Wookie Cookie. Oh no, there was no hyperlink for it. What's WDL Walt Disney World? Oh wow. General information. Absolutely. All right. Let's not give away too Disney World? Oh wow, I feel absolutely insane. All right, let's not give away, we're not showing this person obviously. No, no, no, no.
Starting point is 01:25:09 Background? White, rarely drinks, doesn't smoke, cats and dogs. Straight, undecided, no tattoos, no marijuana. How much do you like to cook? I cook sometimes. I wookie cookie the rest of the time. Um, okay. Availability all the time.
Starting point is 01:25:33 Seeing where things go. Okay. Okay. Another fun. Fun facts? Okay, now we can back out of that one now. Thank you for that Who's your favorite Jedi? I mean
Starting point is 01:25:49 There's like how many Jedi's are there? there's not that many to choose from but I mean if you're listening and you're a You're a dork and you like this kind of stuff. This is a good site for you. If you're a stunted adult, you know Hold on. Let's look at oh meet upon It's fucking terrifying. Let's see what. That is a terrifying profile photo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see what he's, now, so we did a woman.
Starting point is 01:26:12 Down, left, second row, far left. Oh, that one? Yeah. Yeah, that one's intense. He's 48. Let's see, does he have any info on his? It's loading, the site's so slow. Oh, a lot of activity. See is he have any info on his? Lot of activity
Starting point is 01:26:35 Yeah, what are the dudes like shit cuz it's expected of the women to be weird on on this yeah, but a Disney dude What the fuck? Okay, who is your favorite Sith Tom? Darth Tyrannus don't even know who the fuck that is. Fucking dorks. It's an intense, it's an intense. Who's your favorite Jedi? Ashoka Tano. Who's your favorite droid?
Starting point is 01:26:59 R2-D2, of course. Um, okay. Oh, Tanner's getting lit in here, by the way. He's like it's it's a sona it's a sona Well it makes sense he's 20 he grew up watching this this is last year for him yeah, it's fine yeah Okay, dark side or light side. He says light side. I beg to differ. I don't think he's unconscious. Okay. Well, it's good. Uh oh, Tom. Here's a good sign. What do your Saturdays usually look like? Depends on if it's football season or not. Hey, I like this guy. I know, I like the guy. So, then that's a normal guy thing. He just has a horrible profile photo. And I think it sounds
Starting point is 01:27:42 to me like he's into the masculine, like he might be a comic book nerd. Sure. Cause it looks like he's into all that shit. The Iron Man and Doctor Strange. Okay. Baby Groot. Okay. Who would you like to hang out with?
Starting point is 01:27:56 Baby Groot or teenage Groot? Okay. How about fucking neither? He's a grown man hanging out with a baby or teenager. That's the right answer. I know. I feel like that's a grown man, and you know the baby or teenager. That's the right answer. I know. Idiot. I feel like that's a scary ass question.
Starting point is 01:28:09 Yeah, don't ask me that. I know. Alright, go down, go down further. Just wanna see if there's anything... Alright. No. Hold on. Who is your favorite Disney princess?
Starting point is 01:28:20 Merida. Oh, he's in the rope drop! Oh, shit. We got another rope dropper. He's so... Ah! Oh shit, look at all these rope droppers. Oh!
Starting point is 01:28:36 Shit. So what it is is, you pick what kind of super fan you are. Yeah. There's rope droppers and there's park closers. So are you a morning person or a night person? That's interesting. So the park closers are like, I'm out here,
Starting point is 01:28:50 it's fucking one in the morning and shit. They're shutting shit down, you know what I'm saying? I'm still out. And the park, the rope droppers are like, it's fucking 5 a.m. and I'm standing here waiting. That's a good question. Tom, which are you? I'm a fucking park closer.
Starting point is 01:29:03 What are you talking about? Oh, a park closer all day, homie! Park closer every time. Who's this bitch right here? Second row. Was there a fine? Was there one fine chick in this whole thing with the hat on? Oh yeah, she looks Eastern European. Second down, fur hat.
Starting point is 01:29:18 What's up bitch? Oh shit, we got a bleeper name. Is she in the rub drop? Wait, that's... Oh, we got a bleeper name. Shamed a rope drop. Wait, that's- No. Oh, that's just a rope dropper. That's a big one. Okay.
Starting point is 01:29:33 Hey. Rope drop. Don't you think it doesn't feel like she matches anybody? She doesn't belong, but let's see. Can we find anything? I feel like we're gonna get a surprise. We're about to see another picture. Yeah. We're like, whoa, shit.
Starting point is 01:29:43 Or, yeah, she's a dude. She's a Disney dude in disguise. I mean, she looks cute as shit right there, right? Yeah, I think, oh yeah, you're right, the body's not. All right, hey. Come on. What? No, she's cute, man.
Starting point is 01:29:58 Had blonde hair, and now. No, no, she had a fucking hat on. Oh, no, that's blonde hair. I know, but she's probably, whatever. She's wearing a wig. She's cute. Yeah, that's blonde hair. I know, but she's probably whatever. She's wearing a wig. She's cute. Yeah, she's totally different than the profile pic. If you're on this site and you hook up with her,
Starting point is 01:30:10 you're fucking killing it. No, she's down. Okay, let's see, okay. Spon-eyed, she likes weed. Look at her second answer. She's cool. With cannabis. Okay, so she might be the only cool Disney adult
Starting point is 01:30:18 in ever existence. She likes Black Panther. What's up, girl? That's cool. I'm fucking with you. Ah! Stupid. She likes Black Panther. What's up girl? I'm fucking with you. Kinda forever my girl.
Starting point is 01:30:30 She's into that baby Groot. Pocahontas, sure. Now this is what you know what it is. This is primo. Like this is the best you can get. If you're a dork like these guys. And you run into like a fun sexy dork. Like her. This is it. best you can get if you're a dork like these guys and you run into like a fun
Starting point is 01:30:45 sexy dork like her this is it that's a home run she's a ten yeah because she's sexy yeah but she also likes your fucking nerd shit oh I know so that's the best of both worlds for them all the dorks are gonna be courting her I would think so if they have any if they have any fucking testosterone in their ball bag yeah that's who you go after this chick see what's interesting what the other guys answers is that I think he does have tea in his bag I yeah. That's who you go after, this chick. See what's interesting with the other guy's answers is that I think he does have tea in his bag. I just think he's a dork that likes figurines and things like, oh, that was that guy's answer?
Starting point is 01:31:14 No, he's fucking weird, dude. Let's see his other photos. Let's see his fucking, here's his January 6th shot right here. That's creepy as shit. Fucking Trump baby. Oh. Yeah, some of them are just not good,
Starting point is 01:31:24 but you know, that's fitting. I mean. What? That's creepy as shit. Trump, baby. Oh. Yeah. Some of them are just not, but you know, that's fitting. I mean. What? That's a strange. That's his boyfriend and the, oh, Jesus. The least fucking flattering angle in the world. Jesus Christ. Yeah, they're just.
Starting point is 01:31:35 He just needs help. Yeah, he just doesn't know how to do this. Honestly, men, if you don't know what you're doing, have a female friend help you with your profile. That is the truth. Just have a woman. I would do that profile. That is the truth. Just have a girl, a woman. I would do that too. If I were in their situation,
Starting point is 01:31:48 I would find a woman who's friends with me, who likes me as a person. Who likes you. And go help me make this thing. Yeah, because even that photo, like he could be, he can be photographed in a way that's flattering. Yes.
Starting point is 01:32:00 Anybody can be. Yeah. Like if that's your fucking. Like a serial killer. Yeah, it's terrifying. I don't like that. You're probably like, you want to go on a date? Yeah, because if you meet these people.
Starting point is 01:32:15 Individually, they're not all, oh, boy. Yeah, she like that's who you don't want. The bottom right. Yeah, she's terrible. That is not who you're that. That's that's standard fare there. That's like what you usually get. And you're like, oh, fuck. And is not who you're, that's standard fare there. That's like what you usually get. And you're like, oh fuck.
Starting point is 01:32:27 And then you meet like the one that we were talking about. Oh shit, she's like, I bet I jack you off on Space Mountain. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, giving each other hand jobs in the Haunted Mansion. Holy shit. This is a fascinating thing. I could do this all day.
Starting point is 01:32:43 And again, this is like, we're just discovering this for these nerds, but you know, there's that for farmers, and if you're Jewish, and if you, like you can find the, so you just gotta get out, you gotta find the site, find the thing you're into,
Starting point is 01:32:56 and there's a profile for it. There's a whole site dedicated to it. I'm sure there's Comic-Con people too, where they meet up and link up and yeah. You know, look, you and I met doing what we love, doing stand up. At the end of the day, you gotta get it going, bud.
Starting point is 01:33:11 You gotta get it going, bud. You really do. Look at Chris. All right, look, we gotta wrap this up. It's getting late. It is getting late. This was a lot of fun. I had a great time today.
Starting point is 01:33:23 I don't know, we found out about rope drops. Rope drop is so in my fucking vocabulary now. You're a park closer. We're park closers, bro. I'm park closin' all day, every day. What are you guys? Are you park closers or rope droppers, man? Bro, park closin' for life, nigga, what the fuck? Park closers 100%. Yo, you Wookie Cookie or what?
Starting point is 01:33:40 That's me and any new band name, the Wookie Cookies. The Wookie Cookies. What's up? What's up, Tanner you um dropping rope Really I want to sling that rope. Yeah, you young you still got energy. That's right You can get up gotta get it up in the morning. You can get it up in the morning Would you go would you date somebody on the Disney site? If she's dropping rope too, yeah, yeah, yeah. And if she lets me eat her Wookie Cookie, yeah. I bet she would.
Starting point is 01:34:08 I bet you could probably score crazy. I could probably take down like four Wookie Cookies. No tummy-lick at all. You look like a Disney character. Yeah, you do. Yeah, we should get you a profile. You should go on a couple days. Who's your favorite Jedi?
Starting point is 01:34:21 I actually just made the profile. My user's name is Mickey liquor 47 Help you have some success, please report back Wookie cookie, babe 750 calories If that's the thing if you're in the nerd world and you're sexually forward you're probably like a stand-up You would clean up if you were a sexually forward dude in the nerd world and you're sexually forward, you're probably like a standup. You would clean up if you were a sexually forward dude in the nerd world.
Starting point is 01:34:48 Like if you were just not timid. Yeah, cause that's what they're used to, like these real goofy guys. So if you come in there and you're just like, yeah, I want to ride the fucking, I'm going to ride these rides, but I want to fuck you right afterwards. They're like, what?
Starting point is 01:35:01 Because all these nerd girls are secretly, not all of them, but a lot of them are sluts too, you know? That's what I found. Closet. Closeted, like in Catholic school, yeah, the ones that are into this weird shit, they're usually loose. Can I just get your lightsaber?
Starting point is 01:35:17 You wanna fucking. You wanna fucking get your lightsaber? Ugh. Get over here, you fucking dragger of our hair. Cool time. Yeah. Yeah. Come fucking dragger by our hair. Yeah. Cool, Tom. Yeah. Yeah. Come here, you little princess bitch. Is this your favorite fucking princess?
Starting point is 01:35:31 You have her put the outfit on and you just fucking ragdoll her? Okay. See you later, guys. This is really fun. You're making me scared. Wookie cookie. All right. Well, lots of love to you you the fucking Mickey Mouse community and
Starting point is 01:35:47 Good luck in all your endeavors. I hope you're out there. I hope you're having fun, you know You find love I do I wish you well, I hope you I hope you find love and we'll see you next time. Thanks guys You were so beautiful, you don't know how beautiful you are to me I mean just, you're gorgeous, you're precious And uh, where this been sitting in my mind when you said to me You wanna go back with your ex-boyfriend Please erase him from your memory, don't ever go back in the past I know, cause I've been there and i understand when you know you're trying to find somebody and you go on dates and nothing compares to your lips but there is that better person out there julia i promise you it is me
Starting point is 01:37:14 and believe me after you experience me you won't even know your ex-boyfriend So open up your heart to me and your arms, let's go full trial. I can see me falling in love with you, you're just, I don't know. I just looked in your eyes and I just melt anyhow. I'm heading off to work, child, baby. Let's go full throttle, baby. Ciao, baby. Ciao, baby. Ciao, baby. Ciao, baby. This is my cute little home.
Starting point is 01:37:54 Everything you see behind me, I built everything. Every square inch from crown molding to chair rail, the floors, the light, and the plumbing doors, windows. Full throttle. So this is the type of guy you're getting. I'm a very handy guy. And I love to build you whatever you want You're a sweetheart. So I hope this video doesn't scare you. That's how I feel I just want you to know that okay, and I look forward I'm going out to dinner with you. So let's make it happen happen. Wow.

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