Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Hate From YMH w/ Mark Normand and Caitlin Campbell | Your Mom's House Ep. 751

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

SPONSORS: - Go to https://www.squarespace.com/MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. - Now through April 30th, Robinhood is even boosting every single dollar you transfer in from other retirement accounts with a 3% match. Go to https://robinhood.com/boost. - Go to https://thefreezepipe.com and use code YMH for 10% off your entire order plus free shipping. This week on Your Mom's House Podcast, Tom Segura and Christina P have another pair of fun guests, but before the guests join the party, they recap all the fun from last week's visit from the Double Soul Shaman Will Blunderfield. Tod opens the show with a clip about the blunders of colonialism and a gay freakout at an airport, followed by Christine sharing a story about being scolded at in public by an older gentleman. Caitlin Campbell joins the main mommies bearing freshly brewed coffee! Tom and Christina talk to her about dealing with hateful comments online, the traumatic brain injuries she's overcome, anger issues, and all sorts of info about international coffee. Mark Normand enters the mommy dome next and endures a gauntlet of neat stuff, slick stuff, and 1 Guy 1 Jar. Tom also shares some fun chiropractor videos, plus some clips about dangerous places to visit, a lady with a booty that can't fit on an airplane, a girl that farts in pots, a bootlicker, and some pup play enthusiasts. They also dive into some of Christina's Curations and videos of wealthy people who own tigers!  https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Your Mom’s House Ep. 751 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And from the moment I started posting on TikTok, I was met with hate. The moment I started posting. You're like, here's some coffee. Yeah. And just like, destroy. I can't look away. Oh man. You're gonna die. Welcome.

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Our pussies itch. Welcome to another episode You were playing a bunch of drops before that I approved of. Yeah. And then you played that one. You know what I'm saying? Remember? I like how you can hear how fat she is in her voice.

Oh yeah. She can't actually enunciate completely because her face is so big. Her face meat. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, it's so funny.

Yeah. You can hear it in singers' voices, like the blues travelers, he sounded super fat. Yeah. Ain't nobody got time for that. Oh yeah, that was a good one. Ain't nobody got time for that. That was a good one too.

That was a good time with your mommy's house. Yeah, yeah. Let me hold your dick. Yeah, that was fun. Ah, wow. Listen, speaking of not being fat, I'm back on the Ozempics. Get outta here.

But they upped my dose cause I was eating right through it like a pig the last time I did it. And now I wanna die. It's so gross. Like I feel so sick all the time, but I'm looking thinner already. You look great.

Yeah. The main thing is that you're getting all the benefits of an eating disorder. Yeah. You know, without all the health complications. It's good That's true And then how will I maintain my new thin self? Pisa!

When I'm off of it, that's gonna be the real issue well, you know keep keep your weight training up and Gotta up that protein. I do I had eggs this morning for breakfast I took three whole bites. You're gonna have to add a protein shake every day seriously, you mean a protein shake every day. Seriously.

You mean a cum shake, as we learned from the double soul shaman? Oh yeah. Yeah, straight from the source. I'll give you some of mine if you want. That way you don't have to go through the hassle of the blender. And you can just have it just shot

right down in your mouth if you want. That'd be so cool. Yeah. You want that? Love that. Yeah, there's plenty of time today. Plenty of time today. I keep thinking about him. Yeah, he was something.

And I, listen, I'm not stunned by celebrity guests. I loved the double soul shaman. And what I loved the most was the photograph of the two of you together that you took in the lobby. If Zolo could share it with us. I've been looking at it. I've looked at it about five times since Thursday. Because it brings me so much joy

to see your face versus his face. Where is he on this? Where do I find him? There we are. He is so happy. It's like he just drank his own piss and he's got all that positive biofeedback and you're like You know, you're kind of there you're kind of like, I don't know I Love it

He is you're so like I see him now. Thanks guys. Yeah. Yeah, I'm shameless and fearless and doubtless Yeah, they really are. You see how happy he is. I mean, I'm happy too Well, he's very happy thrilled. He's a he's a Distance runner, which you know you look at him. You're like, yeah, so fit. He's so beautiful Orin. Well, he's lean Yeah, he's very lean and distance runners can't carry a lot of weight, you know, so he's got to be like a hundred Can't carry a lot of weight, you know, so he's got to be like a hundred and thirty five hundred forty pounds or something I know I'm better than him. It's cool. Maybe he's on the zimpy stew, you know, yeah I really juicy anus workshop. Yeah

After we had him on I looked at some of his online content. It's definitely all out there if you're interested He he revealed I had no idea when he was here He revealed he has an only fans it all kind of You know all the math kind of comes together at that point. It makes sense now like oh Okay Yeah, if you if you go to Twitter you can definitely watch him pee and and Jack his dick in the Sun Well, I want it. Yeah, I'm curious to see Found that yeah, pretty cool, But yeah, it was really special.

I even sent- Honor each other's balls. Jillo, can you show him in our lobby? This was the best part too, is Josh sent me this behind the scenes BTS of our friend in the lobby. Yeah. Just giving a stretch, stretching it out after the show because these seats are very confining to your hips and I get that. Yeah, the sit for a stretch, stretching it out after the show because these seats are very confining to your hips.

And I get that. Yeah, the sit for a while, yeah. Gotta open it back up. And his underwear. Yep. No shoes, awesome. Right. There you go.

Yeah, that's a good glute stretch right there. I know what he's doing. It is. Feels good. Do you think he walked around Austin without shoes that whole time? I mean, he had those Jesus sandals like are equivalent to basically no shoes. Yeah Yeah, yeah Wow, that's very very potent. Yeah, he was amazing

Yeah, very warm very sweet guy a lot of the staff a lot of us got hugs a couple notably did not Any positions himself to never get a hug? He was not Ready for a shirtless hug from a man in his underwear. Mm-hmm. No hug for him. No, Chad get a hug No, I got left out to Wow Now did you do the any route and go basically I don't want a hug so I'm not gonna walk near him No, I mean I greeted him and everything He just kind of looked at me and walked to the chair. Wow, you're not his type.

If you love your penis, your self-esteem builds up. Well, I got Reed a hug. He totally was like, thanks. He liked that. Adam did a whole thing where I go, hey, come here. He goes, I know what you're doing. He knew, he's been in comedy too long. Yeah, he stayed in the seat, he didn't even get up.

He was like, no, I'm not getting up. Yeah, he knew. But Josh, you got some hugs, right? I got so many. Yeah. You did? And he like purposefully dodged the handshake, like so hard. So hard, he did that to me too when I first walked up

I was like hand out and he was just like nah. Yeah at the end I thought he was going for a kiss, but I guess he had to like line our hearts up when we hugged Yeah, I got one I got one I got one on the cheek really Expected either I was like I got one too on the cheek Yeah, yeah, cuz he gave me the hug and I was like. I got one too on the cheek, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because he gave me the hug and I was like, it was good to see.

And then he was right here and I was like, okay. So yeah. It was a wild move. I was like, you know, Annie's right back there. No, I gave him the Howie Mendo. I'm like, no, I'm gonna pound it. Pound it. Yeah.

That would have been so great. Well, what was interesting is that I didn't know the the scientific term but pussy juices are what I was surprised He's gulp. I was surprised because he actually knows so much history And he was he was using medical terms for a lot of things in the brain in the reproductive system talking about Neuro neuro receptors and everything. And then he's like, you know, one of the things about when your child is born is that it consumes the pussy juices and the pussy bacteria. And I was like, huh, it is clear that you work with males usually. I was, listen, I'm not trying to make apples out of oranges, but I wish she had more for the women. You know what? That's not his jam

I respect that yeah sucking each other's nipples before battle. Yeah. Yeah, what a fantastic guest Thank you so much William for coming those that was a Hoover all the way from Canada all from the canadian. Yeah. Yeah our fierce fierce Do you think he flew in his underwear? No, I think he gets it, but I think he's first chance he can get out of it, he does. Yeah, well you should, he looks, he's got a great bod. Fit guy, he's a distance runner. 30, 30 Ks?

No, is that what he said? No, 30 miles, right? Something like that. 30 mile runs, that's fucking legit, man. Very impressive. All right, well let's start the show, you ready? Oh yeah. We got some good stuff, some fun stuff for you.

I got so excited, I forgot we didn't. Good stuff, slick stuff, neat stuff. Stop assuming folk who use a plural form of address live with DID or is a system. It is colonialism. There are plenty of indigenous folk and spiritual identities where plural forms of address is the norm. And these forms of address existed prior to colonialism. It is also not okay to ask plural people why they are plural. It's none of your business. Just use the correct form of address. The word, the R word. What the fuck is this? What the fuck is that? Welcome to your mom's house With Tom Segura

Tom Segura And Christina Pujitsyn Christina Pujitsyn Welcome to your mom's house Oh, thanks, pal. Oh. Uh-oh. Gosh. Tom, Zolo just flew this in. Oh, what is it?

This is a really nice addendum. Yeah, so as we were talking about it, I remembered he sent a follow-up email with some important information for Christina. So, yes, well, our double soul shaman, as you recall from that episode, he gave me a beautiful egg to- Oh, for your pussy. to put into my pussy. But this is the note he wrote, hey Josh, off to the airport, just a quick heads up, I forgot to mention, could you pass along to Christina that the pussy egg, as he calls it.

That's what it says there? It's brand new, but it's definitely a good idea to give it a wash before she tries it out in her yoni. And I had the same inclination too. You actually mentioned that on the episode. You said I should wash this. I should wash it because he just had it in his pocket and his hands and you don't know

where people's hands have been. Look at his beautiful mushroom head. And if you could forward this about lube to her. So another interesting topic we get. Hi Christina, when it comes to lubricating the yoni egg, many women prefer using natural oils like coconut oil or grapeseed oil for a smoother insertion process. These oils are gentle and generally safe for vaginal use. However, individual preferences may vary. So it's always a good idea to choose an oil

that suits your body best. Feel free to explore different options and see what works for you. Enjoy exclamation work, exclamation well. Thank you so much, Will. I've heard the coconut oil. The samurai were sniffing each other's balls. I've heard this, that coconut oil in your vag is totally fine. I may have to, yeah, maybe canola oil, maybe butter.

I don't know. Coconut. We'll see what tastes better for you. Coconut's fine, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, coconut's supposed to be great for the skin. I'm gonna try this out. Great for the skin. No, really. For, coconut's supposed to be great for the skin. I'm gonna try this out. Great for the skin.

No, really. For your vaginal skin. But like people like bathe in coconut oil. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. And here it's prevalent in this city. Prelevant. Austinites love some coconut oil. They do, they rub it all over their pussies

before they do stuff. Yeah, every pussy smells like coconut here. You know, but thank God I'd rather do coconut oil than patchouli oil. That's what the hippies generally. Oof, thank God I'd rather do coconut oil than patchouli oil. That's what the hippies generally... You can get fucking knocked out if you have patchouli oil. In my life, I hate... I hate that smell too.

I hate those fuckers. They're the worst. They are the worst. I feel like there should be one North Korean style labor camp in the United States, and it should just be for people who put on patchouli oil. And hold on, I'm going to take it a step further. Yes and? Yeah. Anybody who wears Birkenstocks, but they're so dirty that the bottoms are black where their toes and feet go. Plural people. Yeah. Oh, I think there's a definite correlation between Birkenstocks and Plural people. Yeah, yeah, and patchouli. Patchouli people. That's a whole

venn diagram. Yeah, there's definitely overlap. Thereouli people. That's a whole venn diagram. Venn diagram. There's definitely overlap. There's a lot. Majority overlap. There's a lot. Hey, everybody. More tickets have just been released for my shows. Coming up, April 4th in Salt Lake City, Utah, April 12th

in Nashville, Tennessee, April 13th in Charlotte, North Carolina, and April 14th in Raleigh, North Carolina. Get tickets and all upcoming tour dates at TomSegura.com slash tour. Also stay tuned for a big announcement next week and make sure to sign up for my email list at TomSegura.com. Did you know that even if you have a 401k retirement, you can still have an IRA? Robinhood has the only IRA that gives you a 3% boost on every dollar you contribute when you subscribe to Robinhood Gold.

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to harsh smoke forever. God, I didn't realize colonialism was to blame for so much. Yeah, colonialism really has, you know, obviously had a lot of ramifications on the way the world works today. Obviously to our benefit, we're not complaining. But yeah, I didn't realize that it affected forms of addressing people and plural people. Because they've existed all this time.

It is so fun to learn. I am such a fan of learning. Thank you. Well, it's weird because the tone of our teachers is always a little shitty. Like, God, you guys don't know this. You don't realize that the root of plural people lies in colonialism? We're stupid.

Read a book. Right, like which book should I have read to learn that one? Yeah, they act like it's common knowledge that you're not acknowledging. Yeah, dummy Yeah, everyone hates colonialism, but I don't know I like railroads and like medicine and like reading and stuff Yeah laws. It's pretty cool cement reading and stuff. It's good. Laws. It's pretty cool.

Cement. It's been okay. Yeah. What you got there? I got a whole bunch of cool stuff in here. I can see your little dog wheels turning. You're getting very excited. Just excited about it.

Can I tell you about smells? Yeah. I like your natural smell very much. My natural smell? Yeah. I'm coming from the gym. Well, not that smell, but I like it when you're, when like at the end of the day,

when you just been normal guy stuff. Yeah. There's something about your natural- Pheromones? Yeah. Your body smells, I really like how they smell. It's really weird. It's not stinky?

No, it's very intoxicating for me. And when I was pregnant with your seeds, both times carrying your male children with all that beautiful testosterone slashing around inside of my room. And I felt even more connected to you just by your smells. your male children with all that beautiful testosterone slashing around inside of my room. And I felt even more connected to you just by your smells. I loved smelling you when I was pregnant.

Yeah. Thank you. It's a good thing, right? It's a good thing, yes. It would suck if you were like, God, if there's one thing I'm repulsed by, it's your smell. Your spouse's smell? Yeah.

That's a bad thing to be stuck with. Do you like my smells, right? Yeah, of course. Yeah, it doesn't sound very convincing. Yeah, of course. That doesn't sound very convincing. Yeah, of course. Yes. Did I poop while I was giving birth? Yes or no, quick.

No, you've asked this a million times. Because I think you're lying. No, your hair looks nice. Thanks, pal. You just changed the subject. That means I shit. You got a middle part. That means I shit.

You didn't shit. On the birthing table. You didn't. You didn't, you had pussy juice coming out. Well, the shit came out. Well, the shit came out of your pussy, and then the baby got it and was like, I'm gonna be strong.

I don't think they gulp. I don't know. They just cry. Yeah, they cry a lot. They don't, I don't think there's like, first is- You know what's interesting? Is they cry like crazy when they're born.

And here's what I've learned. They keep crying. So I know. Tears go by and they still cry. That's all the tears all the tears and you know what sometimes the tears never stop Hello everybody, Justin, American Airlines. Fuck the server. All right, here we go. Justin. Gay people freak out the best.

The best. There's two, there's top, they're always competing by the way. Gay people and black people. I was gonna say. Publicly freaking out, it goes back and forth. I don't know, you're gonna take gay over blacks? No, but this is a special kind. This is like, this is a, they're both like pretty fey, and this is a deep, deep, deep

fey. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, you're gonna take gay over blacks? No, but this is a special kind.

This is like, this is a, there's a, they're both like pretty fey and this is a diva freakout and one of them is trying to keep him from freaking out because he probably doesn't want to keep flying. Sure. But then it was like, America, airlines, it fucks us over! Like you can't really get this in most other groups, you know. That's true. So performative. Look at this, getting physical. us over like you can't really get this in most other groups you know this true so performative look at this getting physical I want to tell you about he might be drunk no he's Shelby and darling Shelby and darling remember I'm gonna do it for you Shelby and darling

that's it show me saying now he's saying the girls do you love like he's like so he's saying Shelby and Donna so I just don't know if those are two Uh shih tzus or the names of their adopted daughters But there are two girls that one of them is saying think about think about those girls think about those girls Yeah, so we're either gonna see two other dogs come up or they have girls. They have daughters. They match which is adorable I wish you and I match more and this one guy is really free Okay, yeah.

That's dogs. Yeah, there's two lady dogs. She's cute. I love her. I love her. Really. Look, look. I have my paper dolls.

Away. Stop moving. Fuck off, bitch. Oh, fuck off. Oh, I didn't see that coming. Oh, it just got good. Cause is she schooling them? Well, I think he first, he thought he was connecting with someone, didn't he? coming. Oh, it just got good. Because is she schooling them? Well, I think he first he thought he was connecting with someone, didn't he?

Yeah, he was like, nice. And then she said something to him and then he was like, fuck off. She's being a bitch. I have much other paper dolls. Fuck off bitch. Wow. It switched. Yeah.

Because was she scolding him for acting out, which is so annoying. Fuck off bitch. Fuck off bitch. Switched. Wow. It switched. Cause was she scolding him for acting out, which is so annoying. He was really acting out, but then he's also very close to her and she's just like, I get it. Cause she's like, go away. Get away from me.

You're loud, you're obnoxious. Your breath probably smells like someone took a dump in it. Yeah. Like, you know, like when, cause you know, like that post show thing where the person's been drinking and you're like, fuck man. Are people pissing in your mouth here?

No, it's always beer that smells the worst on people's breath. So bad. But he's drunk or just crazy. And then he said, fuck off bitch. But she's stupid because first of all, if you fucking remember from like middle school, whenever you see a fight,

you shut the fuck up and just watch. Don't you dare chime in bitch, like bat on her. That's how you get hurt. Yeah, she's stupid. Fuck off bitch. Yeah, she wanted to get in on the fight. Yeah. Fuck off bitch.

Yeah. That's right. Yeah, the gays are not. The gays are good at that. They're good at talking shit cause like they've been talking shit to their whole lives. They had to be snappy from the beginning. So you don't fuck with gay dudes in public.

No way. No thanks, Tom Hanks. They really know how to work. No, they know what the fuck they're doing. It's good for a tantrum, I'm telling you. It is, yeah. This is just tantruming. Yeah, this is adult tantruming.

Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Yeah, it's so funny. Very cool. You know, the other day I haven't even told you this story cuz I'm still kind of ashamed of it But I was like there's this new phenomenon now where like older men feel like they can scold me in public It's really funny. I don't know. It's interesting. So what do you mean? Okay, so the boys and I were on the way to the hardware store because Ellis wanted to buy a pickaxe

which is not going to happen, but I'll happily get some like version that's moderate for him because he wants to mine diamonds. Because it's for Minecraft. Yeah, he's in Minecraft. In Minecraft, they do it. It's like, you know, you mine everything and then all day he's like, I got some good elements today, some minerals. And I'm like, did you? And then he's just like, just hacking a yard apart yeah any rock there's another right here it's really cute but I'm like if you're gonna cuz he's out there tearing shit up and I'm like if you're gonna do it I want fucking goggles yeah I'm like you better be wearing safety

goggles cuz they're shrapnel every time he cracks a rock I did it with him and there was rock flying everywhere. Yeah. So did I. He goes, you're amazing at this, man. Because I'm like, you know, I'm 10 times his size and strength. So I go like, whack, and everything cracks. He's like, god, you're so good at this. That's so cute.

So I wanted to get him goggles and gloves in a form of a pickaxe, right? Anyway, I'm so embarrassed even tell the story because it was my fault okay so we're pulling to the parking lot of the hardware store and I'm pulling in I'm in the parking lot I'm doing five miles you know very slowly in the parking lot and I see a truck that's on as I'm pulling up to park next to this truck I noticed they're unloading like a heavy couch or heavy cargo and I'm like, oh, I don't want to park

next to that. Yeah. So I swerve, right, to the right. And as I do, he's coming in, the guy, into the parking lot, right? Yeah. Again, it's maybe two miles an hour. It's really slow, but he honks at me and oh gosh,

you know, I acknowledge like, sorry, I messed up. I fucked up, sorry. Everything's fine, no harm, no foul. I park further down. Yeah. And of course the cocksucker parks like near me and I'm like, and I can see him eyeballing me, like he's death-daggering me

because he wants retribution. He wants to scold me. Because you turned wide when he was coming in. I did, and he had to slam on his brakes to like, oh, this woman is now in my whatever. Fine. We would have T-boned at two miles per hour, had he kept going. I had, but we didn't, it was fine. Crisis averted. Kids are fine. We're all fine.

So I see the cunt and I'm like, all right, I'm just going to like put my head down. I kind of ignore him because I see him eyeballing me as he's walking into the store. I like pretend like, oh, what's the kids up to? You know, we get out, we get in the store and I just like, where is this cunt? I know he's going to talk to me. And he's like, you know, you should be careful when you pull into the thing. You could have, we could have T-bone, you got kids in the car. And I go, I know you're angry with me. I know

you're angry. It's okay. That's what you said. Yeah. I go, I know you're angry. I know you're angry. You want to get your anger. That's fine Cuz I cuz why would you okay? My thinking is if somebody has a minor crisis averted in the parking lot And then they seek you out to scold you after yeah, why yeah, what's the utility? How does he he's an old-ass shit again like the Goblin from Gelson's like old white guys? Yeah are not into me No, they, they like chastising a woman too. They don't do it to men.

No, but why would he seek me out if not to reprimand and scold and shame me? And I go, listen, I've said I'm sorry. I know you're upset. I see your feelings. I acknowledge your feelings. What did he say then? And he's like, it's not that I'm mad.

It's just that this is dangerous. You could have T-boned, we could have T, we got kids. And I go, okay, thank you, bye now, bye, bye, bye. And I just walked away. I'm like, what am I gonna talk about? There's nothing to talk about. There's nothing to talk about, period. No, I know.

How many times have you sought a person out after you almost got into a two mile per hour collision and then chastised them for the thing. It's like dude What are you doing you fucking cunt? I? Mean am I wrong am I crazy? I don't think you're crazy. No you're not crazy Am I wrong that is a pretty wild like way to bring it to the words like I know that you're mad I know he's mad why else would he come to me that would have made me more angry for sure that's your points But that's the point with that that's the point and I know I'm being a cunt you that girl in the wheelchair

I know I get the fuck away from me I'm the bit and I did that intentionally because I'm like he's gonna come to me And I'm gonna shame him for his stupid fucking wanting to vent on me Because I know that's what he wanted to do to vent his whatever frustration frustration on me. I did that on purpose, it's a bitch move. I'm not gonna take credit for it, yeah. But you do gotta be careful though. Yeah, that could have blown up. But he's old.

They escalate. Doesn't matter. He's still a dude, you know what I'm saying? What do you think he's gonna do, follow me home and shut up? I just don't know, here's the thing, I just had this conversation, I forget with whom, it was a story about finding out that a dude was a...

I have anxiety. Like a... It's been a week, he's fine, he's okay. No, no, no, here, just hear me out on this. When you find out that a dude was lying about his story, like, you know, he's like, I'm a baller, you know what I mean? Like I own this restaurant or something, right? And then, and people are like,er, you know what I mean? Like I own this restaurant or something, right? And then people are like, oh, you know,

and then as a woman, if you learn that that was a lie, calling that guy out is a bad decision. Here's why, because you just don't know how that guy, like he is a liar, he's crazy, he's a narcissist, he made that up. But if you're a woman and you're with a guy and you find, I'm making an extreme example at restaurant, but whatever his big brag is, that if it's a lie and you realize it,

do not wait till you get away and tell your friends and everything, like this guy's fucking crazy, don't do it to his face. What should I have said to him? Just like listen to him? No, no, like this guy's fucking crazy. Don't do it to his face. What should I have said to him? Just like listen to him? No, no, no. I mean, whatever. I mean, you could just be like, I'm so sorry.

Yep. I'm a fucking dumb, stupid bitch, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't feel like doing it. Yeah, no, you could just do it. I felt like I did it in the parking lot when I was like, I'm sorry. No, no, no, you did. I think that guy is crazy.

I was bad, stupid. And I'm using a different example. I'm just talking about how- In general. Like that guy is crazy. And I'm using a different example. I'm just talking about how in general, men who get called out in a public setting about something, you just don't know how sensitive, how fragile they are, how fragile their egos are. And sometimes that's,

when you hear these stories in the news of this guy broke this lady's fucking face against the wall, you know, and just like went crazy. Like just took her hair and just fucking bam, like just crushed it. It's cause of that. It's cause of shit like that. It's some woman being like, I know you're mad.

He got embarrassed. Yeah. Am I wrong? It's a hundred percent why. Guys cannot handle embarrassment. Being shamed by a woman. Exactly. I know, that's why I did it.

Because it felt good, it felt right. Guys can't handle shame a lot, period. But when it's from a woman, it's very different. I know, that's why I did it. Hey everybody, don't forget to check out Ari Shafir's new podcast, You Be Trippin'. The craziest Jay I know, who is absolutely hilarious with his own angle on world traveling stories with the greatest and funniest comedians on the planet. You can find it right now on the Your Moms House Podcast channel and wherever you listen to podcasts.

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today at onepeloton.ca slash bike slash rentals. All access membership separate. Terms apply. And that's the thing too. It's not that nothing you did was wrong. It's just that you're not tactical. It's not smart. Being right. Yeah. Well, in that moment, it was being right. I know. I'm very spitefulful woman. Listen, I'm a very spiteful, rageful person. Can I tell you what another tactic is? And I'm not saying I want you to do this all the time, but you're in a situation like that and a guy says something like that,

you just lift your shirt up, show your both tits. With our kids there? Yeah. Show them how to do it? Yeah. I should have done that and then he would have shot the fuck up. He would have been like, oh.

He would have been like, oh, I'm so sorry. You're gonna fight me now? But then I get arrested. And you do it to the cops too. Cops come. Hey, wanna see some old soggy tits? Look at these soppers. That's how you defuse a situation.

Anyway, I'm proud of you. I'm not. You know, I don't know what gets into me, you know, in these public confrontations. I just, you know, I changed. I used to get more afraid of people and now I'm fighting back. It's not normal. I know. It's not great. You should remember this. There's two types of cop videos that are out there.

Oh, shit. The ones that everything escalates and the one where the guy deescalates. That's how you wanna do most interactions in life. You know, you come upon a scene, you just want everything to go, whew. All the best fighters tell you something too. All the best fighters say something. That when you're in public

and they're like a fight breaks out. I'm talking about world-class fighters that go, I try to leave. Because he doesn't want to get into fight. He was old and feeble. Yeah, they don't want to be in a street fight. He was old and feeble. Okay.

I mean, if he were a younger guy, I would definitely would have been like, oh, okay, you like play stupid dumb bitch. Yeah, you gotta read the room. I mean, old guy, okay. But still, old guys can murder you. Listen, our kids could have pickaxed him to death. Did you have Ellis?

By the way, we found the pickaxe. It is so dangerous. They're so big and he could barely lift it. You didn't get that. No, no, I got like a, something that looks like a pickaxe. Did he try to get it? Of course, he's like,

I want the pickaxe, mom. It's so heavy. I'm like, you can't even lift this. And he was crying about, I want the pickaxe. I can't get you a pickaxe and then people listen to you as you're trying to be like I can't get you a pickaxe and then our other son was dressed as a police officer He had me buy him a policeman costume And so he's walking around dressed like that and then Ellis like He came into my room with the police shades on.

He goes, hey, you're in trouble. So I was like, oh shit. He took his nightstick. Yeah. And he started hitting me. I was like, Jesus Christ, I'm white. What are you doing? You know, like take it easy, man.

But then he cuffed me anyway. Yeah, yeah. Sweet kid. All right, let's take a quick break. We'll be right back. Oh, shit. Okay, here Mommy. Beautiful, thank you.

We already go way back. This is Christina, I don't know if you've met. Yes, I met you, yes, yes. I'm so excited for this, Caitlin. Cheers. I'm gonna have a sip. Me too. I don't know if you've met. Yes, I met you. Yes, yes. I'm so excited for this, Caitlin. Cheers. I'm gonna have a sip. Me too. Getting fired up. Let's go. Lightning. That's good. Is this your special YMH blend? It's not, no. So it's our... I mean, but you know what I love about this? It's caramelly. Natural caramel, chocolate notes in there. Yeah, it's actually like a really,

really easy espresso drink. Wow, that's good. It's nice and smooth, not bitter. No, not bitter. That's the way we roasted it for people who maybe don't like the sharpness of espresso. Yeah. It's got arabica and robusta beans,

so it's sweet and strong. Oh, it's really good, Caitlin, thank you. Let's go. Let's go. I love this. That is really easy to drink Wow delicious. You killed it. What is mine? Okay You know, so I have the thing I've been getting in I maybe we should save it for the pot Yeah, let's talk. I'll tell you I found coffee in the pot. All right This is amazing All right. And I got you guys your coffee. Yes. Your own toast and hate from Australia. Had to. Had to.

Hell yeah. This is amazing. Oh, and hate from Australia. Had to. Had to. That was the classic. That's awesome. I got a bunch of club streets we can airdrop later.

OK. Perfect. So exciting, Caitlin. Ready in Chamesh, Arba, Shalush, Stein. And we are back. And we are overjoyed to welcome this guest all the way from Toronto, Canada. You know her as Cici on Silence, nothing but buckets of hate from Austin, Texas. It is Caitlin Campbell, everybody. Let her hear it. She made it.

You made it. Let's go. I'm excited. Thank you. I'm so excited you're here. Dude, your coffee's so good. We just had your drinks go to Toronto. I'm excited. Thank you guys. I'm so excited you're here. Dude, your coffee's so good. We just had your drinks. Thank you.

We just got some of your coffee. Let's go. You're a coffee maker? Yes, I'm a coffee roaster and I own a coffee trailer in Toronto. What's the trailer called? I roast the coffee and serve it. So my coffee's just called Street Brew. Street Brew.

Yeah, so the Street Brew trailer. And is it the type of thing? Because coffee trucks, food trucks, all the trucks are huge here in Austin. Do you pick different locations? You move around the city? We go to one farmer's market every Sunday and then we move around on Saturdays. You move around on Saturdays. And what about during the week?

We're not open during the week, actually. Damn. What? We could be for sure, but we want to maximize profit. So rather go to busy events on weekends than possibly lose money during the week. Okay. You're so smart. But if that demand picks up enough, then it lose money during the week. Okay. You're so smart. If that, but if that demand picks up enough, then it does make sense to, right?

Yeah. We'll do a lot of private events. So we'll do like weddings. We did pop-ups at Google in Toronto, TikTok in Canada. Um, so we do that kind of stuff during the week. Okay. Um, so that's just more profitable, but yeah, if the demands there, I'm always down for more pop-ups. Uh, tell us this because I'm a big, I would say I'm a, a cough. I've learned to, I'm a coffee for more pop-ups. Tell us this because I'm a big I would say I'm a a cough I've learned to I'm a coffee enthusiast

Okay for many many years and my my palate has changed throughout the years I've had different drinks that I was I thought this is my drink for life And then it it evolves and it changes totally the two thing that I was the two things I'm into the most right now in coffee are just espresso's I get Single and double espresso's at random hours of the day and then I also am a big cold coffee drinker So I get cold brews nitro cold brews. I'm a big fan of I usually add a splash of oat milk. I like them on ice What is like what but I don't know any of the sophistication about an espresso.

What should I, Jesus, what should I look for? What should I know about an espresso to kind of up my knowledge of it? Oh, that's a great question. That's a really good question. I'd say if you're going to a shop or a roastery that knows what they're doing, their espresso shouldn't be bitter.

If you're getting an overly bitter taste from your coffee, probably wasn't roasted the best. Probably over-roasted and burnt. Because I don't like an overly bitter one. Yeah, so our espresso actually has arabica and robusta beans. So like, I'd say 90% of coffee is arabica beans. But if you throw in the robusta, if you're espresso,

it gives you a nice smoothness instead of the bitterness. Okay, so I should, basically you're just like, with most things you're looking for quality ingredients. Absolutely, yeah. So the best roasters will have a good espresso. And look for like a small craft roaster if you can. The big roasters roast to consistency instead of quality. And did you always have a love for coffee

or is this something that you've learned? Oh, it's so good. Let's go. You've learned about over time. Yeah, it's something I completely learned about. People are always surprised, like I never worked in coffee and never worked at a coffee shop before this. My dad loves coffee.

He's loved coffee since I was a little kid. Just always, always drinking it. And he was like, I think we should start a coffee company. And I didn't like coffee growing up. Really, your dad said this? This is all dad. That's cool. Well, not all dad, but it was his idea to start a coffee company and I didn't like coffee growing up. Really? Your dad said this? This is all dad. That's cool. Well, not all dad, but it was his idea to start a coffee company.

Now real coffee nerds, and I consider you one, because I've seen this and I've been to places, you guys will even sometimes do things where I don't even know how to explain it, but there's like a slow pour, like not your standard brew waiting and it slowly drips. Right? What is that process called? It's a pour over. A pour over. Yeah, a pour over coffee. or like not your standard brew, waiting and it slowly drips, right? Like what is that process called? What is it? It's a pour over. A pour over.

Yeah, a pour over coffee. What's happening with a pour over? It's so good. So you're pouring hot water over the grounds and it's going through and extracting it. Depends on the type of pour over. There's conical pour overs, flat bottom pour overs. Flat bottom usually gives you a sweeter coffee.

Depending on how thick the filter is, depends on how much flavor you're gonna get out of it and it changes the the taste of the coffee absolutely yeah it's completely different from I had one in in Japan okay it was it was excellent yeah they have amazing coffee. Caitlin I have a question for you I've heard a lot of coffee enthusiasts say that Starbucks is crap because they over roast their beans what's your take on that? We owe a lot of third wave coffee success to Starbucks. So no anonymosity there. They started the third wave coffee movement without them.

Local roasters like me wouldn't exist, but yeah, they definitely over roast their beans because they're roasting to consistency. Right. There's thousands of shops, so they can't focus on the quality. They just have to make sure the beans are okay. Their ice, like their straight up ice coffee, is I don't think it's even. Their ice lattes, yeah.

It's very bitter, it tastes very, very bitter. And usually pretty weak. Yeah. You know, I will say they don't know how to make a macchiato properly. That is also very true. Because I ordered one yesterday and it was like espresso and then a lot of milk and I'm like, that's a latte bro.

Absolutely. That's a latte bro. That's a latte bro Come on, bro. What are you doing? Through it right back in her face Expect nothing less. I've assaulted a few breezes I mean a barista PSA over here. Yeah So, you know we found you saw what we we found. We found this video that went viral. Yes. And I think you've met a lot of people from our community

have come over and joined. It's been awesome. One of the things that caught my attention the most was like, you were getting, I guess, roasted. On the daily. Yeah, yeah. In the comments for seemingly just doing nothing but living life.

You're not wrong. And you handle it so well. You handle it like so graciously. So how, like, first of all, when did it pick up? Like there had to be a time where you were just like, hey, that was just what I'm doing and no one's really taking notice, right? Was there a tipping point?

Yeah, so I started posting on TikTok first. Instagram's kind of new to the scene. I only started last year. But I've been on TikTok for three years now. And from the moment I started posting on TikTok, I was met with hate and trolls and negative comments. Really? The moment I started posting.

You're like, here's some coffee. Yeah, and just like destroyed. And when I you're like, I hate you. And just like, destroy. And when I first started, it definitely, definitely like really bothered me. Because like, in real life, people aren't jerks like that most of the time. This is a very important point to make. Yeah. Because we all experience this.

You know, like we're performers. We have, we have this show. We have specials. And like, you know, you get everything, right? You get praise. You get like celebrated. People, you get everything, right? You get praise, you get like celebrated, people tell you you're the greatest. It's also by the way, an extreme reaction

that you shouldn't like indulge in too much. Like people are like, you're the best, you know? But then you get the other side of it, which is just, hey, but the truth is like sometimes like even our buddy, Bert will be like, it's not real. And I think what he means is, like the way I understand it, is like none of that really translates into the real, like I leave here, no one says shit to me

that they all gladly say in their comments, you know? It's like it's its own little bubble. Yeah, and that's kind of one of the things I always say, I've never met a hater in real life. Every person that's ever come up to me has been like, love your content or love what you do. Never met a hater in real life. Every person that's ever come up to me has been like, love your content, or love what you do. Never met a hater in real life. And you know that some of those motherfuckers

are the ones who write you that crazy shit. But in person, they change up real quick. But I wanna say, which is so wonderful about you and something I wish I had, is the ability to not let it get to you. And again, Tom and I have been doing this for like 20 years. I don't read the comment section for a reason.

I'm too sensitive for it. It's a brutal place. I owe a lot of it to my dad. Cause when I first started on TikTok, it did start to get to me. And like, obviously my dad, he's a protective parent. He doesn't wanna see that. And he didn't wanna see me upset.

So he kind of sat me down. He's like, you have two choices, keep posting content and ignore the trolls, ignore the haters and go out there and win or stop posting content and do something else. Cause I don't wanna see this affecting you mentally. And I was like, well, that's a bad take, but I was like, well, I don't wanna lose.

So I'm gonna keep posting content and do my own thing. And I'm so glad I did, cause it changed my life, it changed my small business. And push through the pores and you just keep on going. And you just keep rocking it. It's just like, like we were saying, it's not reality.

And I know who I am as a person. I'm very confident in who I am. I have a great support system. That's awesome. A very close circle of people and they can call me on my BS and they're more than allowed to. And if you're not in my close circle,

I don't really care about your opinion that cheaply. Good, good. And we should also say, we should tell the folks how we started our day. Yes. You and I, we met up. Grinding. We went to the gym.

Yes. We got a workout in. We did. What the fuck did you do this morning? I did, I slapped. Slacker. But I was up at five a.m. with our sick child, remember? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's bullshit.

God. We were doing real stuff. Yeah. Lifting weights. That's right. We were doing squats. Must be nice. Kettlebells. Yeah, must be nice. Like you could have gotten in there with us. You couldn't have hung with us.

I lift now, Tom. Okay. I do, I lift weights. Proud of you. Yeah. Wait, so, I don't think it says you have trauma injury. You have traumatic brain injury. I do, yeah, I've had two traumatic brain injuries.

What? You've had two traumatic brain injuries What? You've had two traumatic brain injuries? What happened? Yeah, so the first one I was in grade 11 when I was playing hockey get crushed shacked and punched in the head and knocked unconscious And that was just they never even like really classified it was just severe head trauma So I had to stop playing hockey Literally just laid in bed for six months. Couldn't talk, couldn't eat,

couldn't walk, any of those things. Six months in bed? Six months, yeah. Wow. It was like the, obviously the worst experience and doctors just told my parents that like, hey, there's a real chance she never recovers. Like she'll never walk again, she'll never go to school,

she'll never hold down a job. Like be super prepared for this This is probably what the future is gonna be Thankfully my parents didn't listen they're like, okay, we think you know, we are believers or Christians so my parents like I think everything's gonna be okay and I went to brain injury rehab and we learned to walk and talk and Pulled through and recovered and then I started coaching hockey and pulled through and recovered. And then I started coaching hockey when I was in college and I blew an edge one day

and smashed the entire side of my face off the ice and ended up fracturing my skull. So I had to go. Second time. Second time. And both hockey related. Both hockey related. But you weren't playing the second time?

Correct, just coaching. And how does that injury happen? So I blew an edge, like I was turning a corner and just smashed my head off the ice and fell. And fractured your skull. Fractured my skull. Yeah. Did you stay off the ice after that?

Yes, I have not stepped foot on ice since. Yeah. Which is probably a good idea. And what were the consequences of that injury? Kind of same thing. Not as extreme as the first one. Jesus Christ. In terms of the symptoms.

But yeah, went back to brain injury rehab, yeah. So it's been a journey. Well, I imagine, I mean, relative to having those two experiences, some negative comments ain't shit. Exactly. You can overcome just about anything at this point. You've been through it. Yeah, if you've been through that, I mean.

And young too, my goodness. You're only 30. 21 or 22 the second time. Oh my gosh. So. F all the haters, 21 or 22 the second time. Oh my gosh. So. F all the haters, dude. Yeah. Big time.

Machines within, man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. God damn, Kailin, good for you. Thank you. Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, it's, you know. Here's the thing, like, it's fun to see somebody navigate

what you are like going through the way you do. Thank you. Because I was telling, we're talking today that like, she always says that like I will every once in a while act out and provoke people. Yeah. You know? It's your fun. And then I'm like, oh, a bunch of people are mad at me. And then.

He loves it. He just loves it. I mean, it is kind of fun. That's why I like put donuts and like eat unhealthy meals in the vlog. Yeah. Because it triggers people. It triggers people up. I'm like, I'll fall for it every time, but I'm going to keep doing it.

But she was, we were talking about you this morning and she was like, um, you know, she was saying how she was like, I wouldn't be able to, you know, how does she, how does she handle this? And I was like, you know, I have to say from what I've seen, the people you engage with, you never go into like a fuck you angle. I always see you kinda go like, almost like a positive spin on it. And it's actually very, you know,

it's kind of inspiring to see somebody go, like not take it to a place where it would get angrier. Right. You just kind of, all the air kind of leaves the whole thing when you go like, how would you even know what I'm doing today? Right. You know? It's a nice thing to see.

Thank you. It's a smarter way of doing things. It's smart, yeah. I should say that. It's much smarter. Thank you. Appreciate that. I've never done that.

Nope. No, you don't. I mean, you're much probably more fun to be honest I tend to take things to Tom and I are not bright when it comes to confrontation. I don't go what's the smart way out of this? No, neither do I. Full force right in there. How much trouble can I cause? Yeah, I just go How much trauma can I create with this moment? Yeah, I just go, yeah, how much trauma can I create

with this moment? Yeah, and then it goes on for days. And it's just a whole thing. Yeah, people call me, everything all right? Yeah, friends reach out. You do it okay, man? No, they reach out to me, like, is Tom doing well? I saw this thing, and I'm like, I don't know, he's fine.

He's enjoying every minute of it. Yeah, my mom called me one time Yeah, she was like is everything okay at the studio cuz he seems like angry, you know Damn, Tom What time was it? It was airport That's what I got called for too Airport time So avoid airports I got a for two, yeah, the airport time. Yeah. So avoid airports. Yeah, airport, I got a lot of airport calls.

Yeah. People don't realize how happy I was during the airport tweets, though. See, that's the thing, you're always happy off screen. They were like tantrum, I'm like tantrum. I was sitting in a first class seat, sipping a Diet Coke. Just going like, la la la cunt, you know? Like, there was no assault.

Sounds like you were living your best life. I was having a good time. To be honest. Everyone's worried about you. Everybody else was like, are you okay? Are you in jail? Well, I think there is something joyful to gaslighting somebody,

like much like my story with the hardware store and being like, oh, I know you're mad at me, bitch. Like it's, it's what we do. And to be honest, some people need to be brought down, you know? Brought down a peg in like, that fucking bitch definitely needed to be fucking. You fucking told her, bitch.

I told her, what's up? I told her, you should see, what people don't know is what the DMs are like between me and American Airlines. They are fucking fired. Like, I got someone to weep via text. Really? Yeah. They're like, I'm crying?

Yeah, she, it was, you could just, I'll show them to you and you'll be like, holy shit. Yeah, you broke this person. Yeah. But also, you know, that did something for my soul. You know what I mean? Like, eat, pray, love. I have to say-

Eat, pray, love, cause violence. I'm very aroused by that. Yeah, I mean- I. You pray love cause violence. I'm very aroused by that. Yeah, I mean. I like that about you though. I straighten these fuckers out. And I also, you know. I love you, that's my baby daddy right there, girl. I love it.

They didn't know that I was so well aware of the regular standard and also of the aircraft. So I sighted like aircraft things. Wow. And then I was like you know I've been flying with the same bag for fucking two and a half years you fucking stupid bitch like and and then I I just every time I flew with it after I was like see see how it fits you think you can fit this thought in your dumb fucking head I got got miles too, they gave me miles.

Really? Yeah, that's another thing people do right now. Wow. A little light back, gives them miles. That's awesome. Yeah, you just get them. I got to go to war. Anyway, don't take my approach.

I'm here for it. You're sweeter, don't do that. This works for me, but what I'm saying is like, people like me need to see people like you and be like, oh wow, this is another way. Mm-hmm. Don't have to destroy them. Yeah. I do actually really enjoy it. I actually really enjoy it.

And I actually, I was very proud of you. You worked out really hard today. Thank you. Wanted to put in work? You did put in real work. We got after it. We did. I was like, I don't want Tom to make fun of me, so we're going to put in some work here. We both worked hard. We were pouring sweat. We were. All the trolls.

I do sweat. Yeah, you're sweating hard. Sean pushed us, we had a good trainer. I need a Sean in my life. I know, right? 100% need a Sean. He's the best. But what I told you is what I, you know, I told you like, you know, I do what I can and I have gotten better at this thing

and I want you to keep doing it too. And what I told you is, I think the best thing, I always tell people who ask me like, oh, you know, fitness seems to be something you're into now. I'm like, yeah, it is, it's addictive, but it's also structure. I think structure's a big deal. Yeah.

Laying out a plan. Wait, laying out a plan, it doesn't have to be as intense as like maybe having whatever a Sean can provide, but it's like a written out plan like this is what I do you know I mean that's what like we meal prep Wow you know I mean like we we have like this is a cardio day this weightlifting day and the more structure you have the better chance you have of getting great results for sure I hope you keep with it I think it's a great thing that you're

pursuing it thank you yeah I'm excited I love working out I genuinely do I'm thinking things yeah we talked about this earlier so yeah boxing is so much fun it's awesome helps your mental health yeah that's like with all the trolls all the comments all that stuff just turn it off and go in the gym yeah get whipped on coffee first amen drink espresso coffee and crush a workout I have some there was a point So when my first or second job in LA, I worked the graveyard shift You remember those terrible in post-production. Yeah, and so my shift was 7 p.m. To 7 a.m

You guys ever do graveyard it's so fucking rough. Yeah It's so rough and I at one point I was having 12 cups of coffee Like you know I mean in the end I used to not figure out why I was shaking Yeah, I have diarrhea all day I'm a nervous wreck. And it was just like, do you limit your intake? I do two a day.

Yeah. That's smart. I do ice in the morning or sorry, hot in the morning, ice in the afternoon. Smart. Yeah, when I worked at Starbucks in the summer of 1997, I was drinking coffee all day and I must've dropped like 10 pounds. It was the skinniest I've ever been. It was the best, but I lived off of Madeline's.

I'd steal them, and coffee. And it gets so gacked all day long. And one day this boy OD'd on coffee, he drank too much, we had to lay him down in the back and like talk him down. It's dangerous, dude. That's crazy. People get fucking wild on coffee.

Yeah, I know, anything says cap, I could tell by his face. Come on, man. What? Get your ass up, you know what I'm saying? Cough. It's our rookie numbers right there. Hey, is espresso you drink? By the way, how many people say expresso?

A lot. Do you ever correct them? No. You should. I don't do confrontation, as you can tell by my comments. Can you do this though? Can you just put a sign somewhere in the truck

where the S is underlined twice? I should, on our menu. It's not Beck. Refuse anyone that says Ix. I should, on our menu. Just refuse anyone that says X. I saw the best, I have it somewhere. I saw a photo from a cafe in Italy where it said, please, it's espresso, there is no X. There is no X.

That we could do, there's no X. And also I would have a ton of animosity towards anybody that ordered decaf. I feel like it's such a waste. What are you doing, get the fuck out of here. So good decaf now though. No, stop. Really? I don't defend this. Do you serve decaf? I feel like it's such a waste. What are you doing? Get the fuck out of here. So good decaf now though. No, stop. Really?

I don't defend this. Do you serve decaf? Not on our trailer. See, there's a reason. They don't have enough equipment. Yeah, you don't have enough. If there was a ton of demand, it makes sense. Yeah, we get asked like maybe three times.

For that one fucking jackass who's like, oh, I wanna decaf. Most people are like, fine, it's early enough. I'll have the caffeine. Yeah, come on. Yeah. It's the proper move. That's the enough, I'll have the caffeine. Yeah, come on. Yeah. It's the proper move. That's the move.

So what are the big plans for you guys? I think like, so we are a social enterprise coffee company. We work with homeless charities in Toronto to give back. We roast probably right now between 1,500 and 2,000 pounds of coffee a week that goes just to street outreach in Toronto. So by us doing that, that frees up a part of their budget for more important things, more food, uh, helping people transition out of homelessness.

We're freeing up a little bit of that budget. So that's, we didn't want to just be another coffee company. We wanted to be a coffee company that did good. I realize you're the only good person that's ever been on this show. Yeah, I think so. Trying to make the world a better place. That's so lovely. And let's talk about what you have here for us. Yeah.

What do we have here? So I had to, I had to make two special coffees for you. This is awesome. So we got your mom's house coffee, and then the hate from Australia, which is actually Australian coffee. It's a nice blend. This is? Of Australian coffee.

Oh my gosh. You know, I don't know, have you traveled the world at all? I've never been to Australia. So growing up, as with a lot of people, you learn of certain cultures that are big with coffee. So you always hear about Italy, Spain, and I think the Turks, right? Those three for me was like, at least what I was like,

Turkish people, Spanish people, and Italian people. Coffee, coffee, coffee, that's where coffee is. First time I went to Melbourne, Australia, I didn't realize that this is one of the great coffee culture cities of the world. It's crazy. They also have a fucking huge Italian population, so that should be noted, but their coffee there is unbelievable. And you walk around and it's just every place you stop at has a better, another great cup of coffee.

And so it became a coffee trip for us. And then I always made note of that I had this coffee called Seven Seeds. Oh my God. That I brought home. Reminds me of your coffee, Caitlin. Let's go, we're up there. So good. Like when I drank it, I was like,

this tastes like I'm drinking a cup of butter. Like butter, right? It was like so good, so smooth. Well, Australia's the only place Starbucks can make it work. Wow. Really? Because they're so intense about their coffee.

They are. Out of here. They don't fuck around, and it's Melbourne especially. Yeah, Melbourne. That's really where it's hardcore. That's awesome. Excuse me, Melbourne. You didn't say it right. Melbourne.

Melbourne. Got roasted for that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, all right, I will never pronounce it wrong again. Well, I mean, it's also like, come on, fuck off, mate. We have our own way of saying things too. So anyway, this is such, this is so hilarious. Havi must really love it.

This is so great. We had to. That concept, by the way, is so funny. I get it by the way now I get it in every single thing. Oh yeah buckets of hate from Detroit or whatever it is. It's the craziest thing. I don't know where. The idea that somebody is sending hate is so so funny as an idea. My parents don't believe the positive comments. That's a great one. Jesus Christ. That's another good one. I just wish I was on it back. I was like, I could never. Have any of these ever really made you laugh?

Cause some of them are very funny. Um, I don't know. Um, off the top of my head, I don't know. Your comments on hate from Australia, that did it. That was amazing. That was hilarious. Ignore the positive comments. Ignore the positive comments.

That's another, that's a very funny take on things. Like, whatever, I know you're reading this, don't pay attention to positive things. Don't pay, and then the funny thing is, the people that are like, hate from Australia, or leaving ruthless comments, are in my DMs. And they're like, I'm actually a fan by the way. Well now, but here's the thing, now, ever since all this, hate means love. So a lot of people, like, some of the comments I get now are like Hey, you know hate from Orlando can't wait to see you next week

And do you think that your interaction maybe has fueled some of this right? I mean because it is this weird anomaly that you're just like this sweet Lady homeless people yeah, and they're like we fucking hate you so you're just like this sweet coffee lady. Feeding homeless people. Yeah, and they're like, we fucking hate you, you suck, you piece of shit. People just don't like happy people, I guess. But no, but maybe they like that you're interacting. I mean, maybe that have, but ultimately led to your success.

It's also increasing your engagement. Yeah, I'm just trying to engagement bait, that's my goal. The thing with, even before all this started, with like the trolls, they'll come back like crazy. That's why you gotta feed it. They'll just keep coming back and coming back and coming back and coming back. And I'm like, all right, I'll ride this to the moon.

No problem. Good for you, buddy. They don't like to lose arguments, so. No, you're so smart. What you got, babe? Nothing, no, no, I was just, you know, I'm very excited that you were able to come here. Yeah, thank you.

This is super fun. I thank you for bringing this coffee too. So sweet. We so love this. Tell people all the places. I mean, I know obviously we've pushed it on this show, but tell people everywhere they can find you. All right. So on Instagram, cc underscore unsilenced.

My coffee company is called Street Brew. So All right. So on Instagram, CC underscore unsilenced. My coffee company is called Street Brew. So street.brew on Instagram. And then I'm CC.Campbell on TikTok. And if you're in Toronto, where is that where is that street brew truck usually parked? Yeah. So from May to I think it's the first week in November this year.

We're at Greenwood Park in Toronto. So 150 Greenwood Avenue where they're from nine to two. We make like 600 coffees a day nice we have a lot of YMH fans in Toronto Toronto's huge you're coming there right soon I am I haven't announced it but it's gonna be it that's all good no no no no I like it I like it actually but I'll announce a big show I hope you come to the show it'd be fun that'd be fun Thank you for coming in Tons and tons of hate and we'll be right back. Yes. Give me all the hate

Have to have your attitude I can't live here cuz I would die. Yeah, that's true. Don't die. Yeah Yeah once a week I go to mothership and like I drink so much and I laugh so much and I come home late Yeah, I can't sleep that night. Like it fucks up my whole week one night out exactly. We're gonna. I just went like this Yeah, we have a big debate. Are we rolling? Yep. All right, we're back and You can get tickets to see the you don't say Tour right now at marknormancomedy.com. It's Mark Norman, everybody. He's back. Hey, good to be here.

Can I say it's an honor to follow Kim Jong-un or whoever you had in here. That was incredible. That woman is so cute. That's so cute. I just want to observ her. And very strong. Actually, I put my hand on her back to take the photo and she works out. I can see that. That's what I'm, zurbiter. And very strong. Actually, I put my hand on her back to take the photo and she works out.

I can see that. It's not a lie. She's sturdy lady. We worked out this morning. That was the whole thing. Oh, you and her? Yeah, we worked out this morning. Wow, I just picture flipping that big tire over.

Yeah. She did, dude. She can, bro. I believe it. Fucking John. So meaty. Yeah, she's a, yeah, she has a good coffee company. Oh really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just, well here's how we discovered her is that, here, we, she had, she posts stuff like this and we always play clips, you know? Welcome to the Day in the Life of a 29 year old small business owner who makes coffee for 11 keeping it high and tight you already know where we're Heading first thing in the morning one of my favorite places to the gym They tried to be one of the first people here. They grew the second person here today But we're still kind of that as a wind it's like sticking on the grind back to the consistency doing all my favorite workouts Including some boxing and today you're gonna mix it up a little bit I'm gonna hop on the treadmill so you get the idea though, right? so it's a

It's that kind of thing and then the reason we discovered this is that it seems like this totally like benign video and then we we we found that a comments that oh no yeah like you be mean to this I know but people are yeah Oh, yeah, it's like you know people started like we just used to find But people are. Oh yeah, it's like, people started, we just used to find, you know. It's horrible. You know, these things. Fuckface3 says, you do not go to the gym, stop lying.

But the one that really broke me was stuff like this. Yeah, what is that? Hate from Australia. So you know, people usually write like sending love from, and so I was like, sending hate is a very funny concept. Sure, sure. You know, just sending sending hate we need hate cards. Yeah coffee time, baby, so Anyway it really like blew up for her and and our fans just like gravitated towards it

And she keeps making videos and they keep coming she gets thousands of comments Wow doesn't get like 40 comments. It'll be like it'll be one of those videos we showed you and it'll be like 3800 comments Yeah, and it's like fucking hate from Houston But she's actually you know, she's so sweet so she yeah, she kind of engages plays with it and then she came in We worked out today. We had some coffee. I love it. She's super sweet So she's like dealing with it and fighting back. Yeah, you know her but we actually talked about the idea I was like, you know Like I go I fight back If I do differently, yeah, it'd be more like, you know more confrontational direct

She's one of these people who can just you know, they're like you sure don't look like you work out. And she's like, well, I'm there every day. Like she's, she always spins it. Like a jujitsu. Yeah. Yeah. Flicking back on them. She keeps it very positive. That's a smart move because then they go, ah, there's nothing here. It diffuses it. Exactly.

Yeah. Yeah. I just favorite my haters. I just give them a like. Do you? Damn it. I wanted you to hate me and fight with me. And that that also takes it out of them. Exactly. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. I do it with the wife, too. And she's like, you did this. I'm like, I love you to hate me and fight with me and that that also takes it out of them exactly That's what I'm saying. I do it with the wife too, and she's like you Wanted to fight That's a that does work. I wish you would do that to me. It might work. I love you, babe I put that's all I want actually know that is you know the other the person who I feel like Looks to provoke usually the most in my life is not you luckily really I know you're not like a you're not a big. I mean it's not I'm not say we never Argue or have an issue. I'm saying that to know though. Yeah, but do you feel like we've argue all day? I don't feel I feel like in the past when I was a younger less self-aware

Woman, I would pick fights with you because I secretly wanted your attention. Right. And I would fuck with you, like, like I start fights, but now that we have children, like there's not a lot of free time. Yeah. So when we are together, I just, I'm so broken down that all I do is just go like, I love you.

When there's no, there's nothing left in me. Right, well children are like, like when a country's going through war, he kind of just boils it down to what's important. You know, you guys have kids, so you can't really fight about bullshit. It's like, when there's a war, there's a lot less trans talk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, pronouns are not the priority. It's like, well, there's famine right now. Right, right, yeah. Definitely, so do you and your wife, because you have no children yet, right? Not yet, we're working. So do you, so that's what I'm saying,

when it's just the two of you, then it becomes more laser focused and I want attention, but then that's when we got dogs, and then I would just go pet the dogs if I wanted attention. Because Tom's more of an avoidant type, I think a lot of men are. Same, same. Yeah, especially comics.

Love to hide. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So do you hide from your, you hide from your wife? All the time, and she's- But that's every man. Yeah, it's a hetero Alpha well, what's the upside either? I get yelled at or we have to hang out

Even if it's going great. It's not you know, it's still marriage. Yeah, no, I'm just kidding but yeah, I avoid all day and it's it's childish, but It's so easy the tactic that I learned. This is like again. It doesn't really this doesn't apply to you I learned about because my mom is an is a Provoker she's a you know I mean she's a she pokes yes, and my whole life She would say the thing and I would just be like what you know and then I would take it Respond to it, and then it's her and then there's this there's this thing She's getting I think from the engagement like the fight is building

Yeah, and it took me so long like more than 35 years to figure out when she goes Oh, you know like your beard you mean why don't you like shave that yeah that I just go like yeah I might All sudden she just go like, hmm. And she looks for the next person, she's like, what about you? They just got the next one. Yeah, well that's what Twitter is.

Is it not, it's just, hey, let's go at it. Yeah, that's true, my mom was crazy, and she was always looking for fights with me, and I would feel so bad, because I didn't want to be around her, but then I realized, like, if I'm not there, she'll just fuck with someone else. Exactly.

She'll go fuck with a neighbor, fuck with my stepdad, find people to torture. There used to be a lady during COVID who would go around if you weren't wearing a mask in the neighborhood, on the sidewalk, she would yell at you. But I noticed she wouldn't yell at black people who weren't wearing a mask, because they would just shut it down, you know?

And I would go, yes, I'm sorry, ma'am, I'll get one. And then she liked it. She's like, I got a live one here, I'm sorry, ma'am, I'll get one. And then she liked it. She's like, I got a live one here. But the other guy would be like, fuck you, bitch. And she's like, okay, nevermind, breathe on me. Yeah. Fuck you, bitch. It takes extra balls to yell at a black person

if you're not like that. Exactly, and then the Karen video comes out and now you're ruined. Yeah, speaking of black guys, check this out. Oh, please. I love chiropractic videos. And your surgeon told you don't do chiropractic. Open the caps.

Oh! Make your belly into your jelly. Oh! Oh! Oh, God! Oh I'm assuming you felt to go all the way down. Yeah, I felt it. Open up there. Yeah. Yeah He's paralyzed

This could have saved steven hawking we don't know. Oh wow no cane Oh, wow We don't know. Oh wow. No cane? Oh wow. Wow. Ring danger. What? Isn't that great? Are you guys gonna have him on next? I hope so. If he'll do this. Oh!

It's good to see Barkley up and at him again. That's amazing. But do you think he has to do this every day? Because his body will just go back. Oh, yeah. You got to do it. Yeah, it doesn't just. No, it lasts for like a minute, right?

That's what I heard about. You know what? A massage that like, oh, the relief. If you don't actually are active after it, everything resets. That's why you have to go back and get another one. So he needs to keep on walking to keep this channel open. Or just gonna lock up again? Yeah, probably.

It's like a coke dealer. You gotta get him coming back. That's right. But it was fun to watch him make that noise. This is what televangelists should do. Like, you know, just fake that you're a televangelist, but you're actually a chiropractor. Get the guy in the wheelchair, just snap him into place.

Everybody's like, you're the fucking Messiah You know you saved lives. Yeah, there's also like really engaging videos. I haven't shown you lately like this one Guys breathing heavy yeah This amazing Tom yeah, this is a new lane. You've been sending me on. Guys that don't know how it works. Oh. You sent me a guy yesterday who was breathing, just staring at you. You know what's crazy?

This guy has one post, and I think he has like $140,000. That's great. It's just this video. It looks like he's waiting for the mothership website to load to buy tickets. Come on. I'm a big this video. It looks like he's waiting for the mothership website to load to buy tickets. Yeah. Come on. I'm a big Rogan fan.

Wow. You realize how many people out there that are like this guy think that Joe is talking to them. I know, I know. They're like, I just need to meet him. I just need to connect. Mentally only? Yeah.

We bought that fan who writes to us. Of course. Yeah. You know, they're like, if we hung out, give me one chance, we'll get a beer. I guarantee we'll be friends for life. And you're like, ugh. Have you gotten the wedding invites?

Come to my wedding. No. We get those weekly. Get out of here. Wedding invites. Also, will you officiate the wedding? I'm like, you don't want me to do that. You don't want me to make a joke of your.

No, I did a wedding once. You did? The husband hired me and the wife hated me and I think I ruined the marriage. Of course, it's how the marriage. Of course. Of course. Yeah, I'm doing fucking Gaza jokes in front of your holy macromony or whatever. It's a guy being like, this is going to be cool.

Yeah, for a party. Exactly. If you and your boys were hanging out. This is a love thing. Dude, one time this guy wanted to hire me to roast at his wedding and he was Catholic marrying a Muslim woman And he wants you to roast their family. I was like, are you fucking crazy? I'm not gonna ruin your wedding. No, I thought that'll ruin itself. Yeah, and then I was like I gave him a really high price I was like, you know, like 50,000. Yeah

Good yeah, that's a not a no, you know Yeah Well with the Muslim wedding, hopefully you're the only one bombing Ah, good. That's a not a no. You never said no. Not a no. Yeah. Well, with the Muslim wedding, hopefully you're the only one bombing. Hello. Sorry, sorry. I was right there, I had to take it.

You gotta take it, dude. Take it. Aw, this poor son of a bitch. Do you think he thought he was taking a photo? Probably. Yeah. Because they all, he's got the cool guy lighting, the cool guy curtain, the cool guy room.

He's like the guy who leaves the light on the phone if that was a person, you know Like who is the the flashlight on the cell phone? So these guys because we've been finding that these people they're like me and my girl We went to Baghdad on our vacation and you go and you're like, you know bad things Yeah can happen right and they have such a big smile on their face. This fucking guy has been to all 197 countries and he lists his seven least favorite. Oh, wow right here. I can't wait Twice Now I know that is dark and eerie island. Okay, okay No shit! Nearly died twice. Yeah. Two. Nauru.

Nauru, I don't even know what that is. Dark and eerie island, okay. Okay. Three, Bahrain, extremely boring. I've been to Bahrain. Really? It is boring, because there's no one around and it's hot as shit and you can't do anything, so yeah.

That's why they're so angry. I mean, there's military bases there and that's it. Oh, I see. Gambia. Gambia. Verbal harassment. Okay. I think that if you're registering it as like what you remember, it was probably pretty aggressive.

Yeah. You know? Like, it wasn't just like, what are you doing? Go home, Yankee. It was probably like, you know, we're gonna kill you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cameroon, beyond chaotic. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. gonna kill you. Yeah. Yeah. Cameroon. Beyond chaotic. He just see glitz cutting off. Also,

I'm surprised that he could find flags in the emoji section for these places. Yeah. Good point. Good point. St. Vincent overpriced, not a fan. Okay, I don't know where that is. And, wow. Ah! Wow. So it's Sierra Leone. You brought that dashiki. You know, a few of these are sort of similar.

I don't know if you know, some of your lists kind of comes together. Scammed $300 at the border. It's Sierra Leone. Well, there's a reason. These are based on my own travel experiences. What are your least favorites? Comment below.

I gotta go Wuhan, then what else? Turkmenistan. Have you ever had a vacation just go terribly? Oh, I guess so, yeah. I got altitude poisoning on a ski trip. Yeah, I've been sick as shit. Nightmare. And Aspen.

Brutal. I had to take fucking prednisone and just to breathe. And then we had the 24-7 oxygen tank in the place running. What? Yeah, and also her eyes got swollen shut. And she was like, I think we gotta get out of here. And I was like, yeah, I think we probably should. Tom was like, what?

Oh, and then he's like, let's go back. Yeah, I was like, stop being a fucking bitch. You know what I mean? It's awesome there. Yeah, it was pretty, but I got really sick. I think you could do it in the winter. I don't want to, thank you. I think you could do it in the winter

and stop crying about it. I don't think I want to. I don't wanna go back there ever. Where were you? Aspen. Oh yeah. I fucking hate Aspen. It's up there. I hate it, I hate it there. Really? I had to go. Wait, wait, no, no, you? Aspen. Oh yeah. It's up there. I fucking hate Aspen. I hate it. I hate it there. Really?

I had to go. Wait, wait, no, no, you have to stop. Until this bullshit sickness happened, she was like, let's get a place here, this place is, I was trying to correct that. Now I hate it. But you said it was a dream, you couldn't believe it. I had to go to LA to breathe.

But you still, you're not admitting that you did love it. I did love it before I was allergic to the city. Aspen. Okay. We went to Tulum one time, remember, you got very sick. I got the Ria pretty bad there. And it was cold at the same time,

so you were out the whole vacation. But I don't blame Tulum. Mark, I don't think that the country of Mexico is to blame. Sure. And I had to vacation alone and find these nice Mexican guys, so many nice guys on the beach, so they'll talk to me and massage me.

So we met Churro. So wait, where was your altitude sickness? Upstate, like Portland, Oregon area. Okay. I was at, it's called the, can't remember what it's called, the Lodge or the Mount, something like that. But yeah, brutal, I went drinking. called, the Lodge or the Mount, something like that. But yeah, brutal.

I went drinking. Then when you dehydrated the next morning, I could even move. You can't, I was like the black guy with the chiropractic. I was like hunched and it was the worst pain, the headache. It was crazy. I couldn't get out of bed. Like I had no movement. How long were you there for?

I was probably there for five days and that took up the last two. Did you take IVs? Cause I was doing IVs like every day too. Oh God. You didn't do an IV? No, I should have thought of it. Well, we were up in the middle of nowhere. We got like a cute cabin and we were on the range

and we had nothing. No grocery. It was brutal. It was like a romantic thing. And I couldn't get it up. That's how Aspen is too. Aspen's just so rugged, like there's nothing out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's really rough.

It's very rugged. It's rough, it's like Bel Air up in the fucking mountains. We've seen Dumb and Dumber. All right? No, it was awesome. It was awesome. I'm allergic to it. I'm just gonna go with my friends,

I'm just gonna have a good time. Go with your fucking gay friends. I did Mexico City for New Year's and the wife got the Montezuma. Every 30 seconds it was just full on mudslide. Yeah. Crazy. Mexico City's pretty cool though, right?

Great, I don't know why they're leaving. So they're fucking, people don't know I feel like cause you have an idea of what just all of Mexico must be like. Sure. I think a lot of people don't know, I feel like, because you have an idea of what just all of Mexico must be like. I think a lot of people don't realize that Mexico City is like, this is a... It's a booming metropolis. It's a world-class city. Yeah. It has everything.

Completely. But it is a little weird. You've got skyscrapers and all these great restaurants, but I can't drink the water? Yeah. It feels a little... wrong. They're right. They're serious about that. It's not that you can't.

You just won't. You need to get used to it. Is that what it is? Like the locals.'re right, they're serious about that. It's not that you can't, you just won't. You need to get used to it. Is that what it is? Like the locals, I mean, they all drink it. Maybe give yourself a few months to get used to the internal parasites. That's like getting your venom tolerance up. You need to have a couple sips at a time.

Yeah, she got it from ice. Yeah, that's what I've had it too. Usually what gets them. Yeah. But yeah, the ice lege or the watering, the washing the lettuce. Yeah, the produce. It's also seafood.

You know what else too, when we were in South Africa, I would wake up with diarrhea at two in the morning every time, because we would eat after shows and they would eat the salads, the tomatoes and the lettuce. And then I'd get the ria. I think it was the produce, but so tasty, so good. So worth it. That's why I stay away from salads.

Yeah. Yeah. You're in the right city for it. I've done it so much more. You gotta fart in that pot. Oh. And put it back. Okay.

Oh, that's fun. I love this trick. Seal it, seal it, quick. She's pretty cool, huh? She is my friend, yeah that's cool. I think she's working your front desk. I know. That's too inside, don't you think? You gotta put a photo of the secretary lady.

Yes, we will, yeah we will. She's awesome. Very cool. Yeah, sweet Mayanna. Now can we sniff that pot? Yes, can I tell you something? So in college we used to sit around and open film canisters, fart in them and seal them. The little black ones. Yes.

That works. And we would sit in a circle and the next person would open it, smell it. Yeah, it was so much fun. We mailed them, you can mail them. You can send the smell. That's hilarious. You're like, oh, I'll send some family photos.

So I think theoretically, the only problem is it's a large space for the containment and the fart. The film canister's a nice, small space, so I don't know. And add more of a seal, like an airtight seal. Airtight. That's a loosey metal top. You know those mason jars with the clamp? Yes!

Those are great to fart in. Perfect for farting. Good call. If you're at home, you're thinking about what should I fart in? I gotta recommend the mason jar. See these kids with your interwebs and your TikToks, you never had to find fun and fart in objects.

We gotta see if Neanna's done this. This would be great if she could do a side by side comparison. She's doing it. Anyone else hard? There's something kinda hot about farting in a pot. She's a fun girl. She's fun.

Definitely. I can see Sydney Sweeney doing that. No. Or if you did, would it be a deterrent? No, it's a plus. Yeah. Because it shows she's down. She's so fun.

Those big naturals. She's got great big naturals. It's, and they can't not showcase them all the time. I know, tits are back, baby. Yeah. It was like- No, she's stunning. All ass for a minute.

I feel like the whole country's going back to like the old days where like marriage is up, religion is up, tits are up. Yeah, that's good. That's like the 50s was all about tits. Oh, big tits decade. It was Marilyn Monroe, yeah. Big tit decade, it was the 50s.

I like it. I'm tits, so I'm in team tits. Oh great, there you go. Because that's all I got, I don't have asses. Here's team ass right here. Buying two airplanes. Holy shit. She just fixed my bum.

Airplanes are too small for big people. It's 2024, all these are changing. So planes should too. I won't lose my butt to feet on a plane. So give me another solution, or just make the seats bigger. If she farted in a pot, it would just melt. It would go T 1000 on us. That, she takes dumps.

Dumps. Do you think that's a real butt or is that plastic surgery? I mean her waist is very small. Her face is actually a lean face. It's strange, right? Now I have a theory because you see the door flew off that Alaska flight? If that happens we could just put her ass and seal it and see you're right Look at the fucking size of this thing. Yeah, that's why I was making some guys

Oh people love that shit. Yeah, I mean right here. You have no idea. No, you have no idea what you're looking at, you know Damn God. I guess you could if you she was next to you, could use it as a, like a bean bag. You could sleep on it. Is she mixed? Gotta be. Right? You mean you wouldn't last a minute? You like that? I think I would not pretty fast with that thing bouncing up and down. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah.

Jeez, I didn't realize you were such a tushy guy. Well, he's a red-blooded American male. You married kids. I, you know, I'm a man, I'm alive. Times are changing, sister. No one's gonna last on this, by the way. All right. No. When gonna last on this by the way No, but when you watch it and you're it's waving up and down. It's like ripples, you know, it's like hypnotic. Yeah the ocean

Yes, thank you And you're like, I'm good and then you're like, oh shit. Okay, I feel sick. Thank you I'm so sorry. You not she's from Panama. Tell me how hard you know In this Panamanian girl's tight Latin puss. Stop. I'm gonna throw up. Gotta have a special toilet too. Her bidet is just like a fire hose. Yeah, dude. It's a hydrant.

That ass is fucking enormous. I don't think society should accommodate the one person with the anomaly. No. That's ridiculous. No. That ass should have to No. Yeah, that asses should have to pay. Yeah, that's. Go to first class or just buy two. I think that's what she.

Economies. You shouldn't give her the seat, of course not. She should have to buy them. She'll be flying private soon once she fucks Nick Cannon. So it's all gonna end well. That's true, he's like, am I 19th baby? Mama, this chick. The big booty airline Fendi chick yeah This guy

Well he's eating with his face, and then you realize he's got a leash on what yeah, he's got a leash He's got a collar and a leash on See the least just got it. What the hell? We're looking for his owner. Where's his owner? He's an abandoned pup. Oh, I hate a puppy that doesn't have a home. Oh man. Oh Jesus.

And here's the thing once again, it's never a woman. No. Yeah. Isn't that funny though? Cause I've been trying to talk about this on stage how there's no real behavior that is exclusive to one gender But this kind of shit you just almost never see the gravity. Yeah, that's true. Never see We get all these videos maybe like one out of a thousand. Yeah, it's crazy that yeah That's so much happening. It's just men cuz Yeah, that's true. Much happening is just men. Because you think men fist fight, but women fist fight.

All the time. All the videos. But this you're right. This is purely male. It's like it's very male. Yeah. Yeah. But does he think he's a dog? I guess he's eating. Yeah. OK. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we've had guys licking boots on subways because their mistress told them to. So I'm thinking this is a mistress Dom situation She told him to go out like that eat like a dog. Yeah, Michael Vick when you need them. Yeah

in the ring, it's very He's a doctor during the day. And then recreationally he's a healer. Oh! No. Which we featured on this show. Many times. My animal just happens to be a bit more German Shepherd.

Yeah. Oh there's the bootleg guy. Oh God! It's hard to watch. Jesus. There's mud on the bottom. Oof. That one's rough.

That one's rough. You know what? Oh my God, this just brought to mind. Can you play what we had made for Joe? Joe. Brogan? Yeah. By the way, so we were just talking about this.

You said you finally did this. Yeah, I tried it. Feels good. When you say it, when somebody goes one or two, how do you? Yeah, that's normal. So one of my friends said he pulled people after this was on the podcast at a bar,

and he said that a lot of men did this way and Yeah, cuz I she always makes fun of me for doing this. Oh cuz it's you know I'll show the back of the hand. Yeah, interesting. I don't know dude. I feel like it's a dismissive and rude Hey one it's aggressive. Yeah, why why is it? I think I think my hand I rest open I think the opposite is aggressive. If I was just like one, like it feels. One, you, hey, look over there. It's diminishing. You fucking bitch, look over there.

It's also like the bird. Yeah, the bird is the back of the hand. So hold on. Jesus. So, so Bert and I contacted this guy and told him that Joe had signed a new Spotify contract. And we paid him to make a congratulations video. So here's the video.

Here you go. Okay, let's see. Congrats on your podcast, Joe Rogan. Here's to many more insightful episodes. Been a fan since News Radio. Hey, that's fun. It is fun, right? Uncut.

Have you sent this to him? Yeah, I sent it to him. Did he love it? No. This is actually a ... green saver. Oh shit. Oh no.

I don't know. The second part. Oh, we were having a good time. No, we still are. Oh gosh. I know what's happening next. You got that he's gonna shit on the bread. No. Thank God. Oh, gosh. I know what's happening next. You do? He thought he was gonna shit on the bread. No.

Thank God. Oh! Oh! He shit on the bread! God damn it. What's with the cup? It's to catch the pee, the pee. Oh, son of a bitch.

He's gotta keep tidy. I can't watch this. Well, hold on. This is horrifying. Hold on. I'm gonna fucking. Oh! You didn't show this. Well, hold on. This is horrifying. Hold on. I'm gonna fucking. Oh! Oh!

You didn't show this to the fat lady before me. Ah, you saved it. Ah, is he gonna eat the shit sandwich? Ah! I can't look away. Ah! Man. I! Oh man. I'm gonna die.

Anyways, congratulations Joe on your new Spotify deal. I'm eating Torchy's tacos after this. Those are delicious. You gotta get to the cheese with the chorizo. We're good. Thank you. I got the chili con queso. The fucking what's it called? The queso with the chorizo. We're good, thank you. I got the chili con queso. The fucking, what's it called, the queso with the chorizo. That was unreal.

Honey, what do you think? I'm fucking mad, man. I thought we were done with this bullshit, man. You ain't telling me. God damn it. That was horrifying. The bootlicker looks like Guy Fieri eating diners and drives after that.

That's pretty rough. But I'm always amazed at the timing that this guy, I mean this was one continuous take. He didn't pause it and then go hold on, I feel a shit coming on. He was like hey Joe Rogan, congratulations. Good point. One minute. And like the timing of it, so did he feel the poo coming on?

Yeah, he was ready, he knew he was ready to do it. But it's runny too to get at that consistency and spreadable. Yeah, and he hit that bread like a bullseye. Perfectly spread it, cut a sandwich, none of it even fell out. And then he ate. Yeah. I mean, and it swirled like a dog turd. Like he got it perfectly on there.

I couldn't do that. Well, to be fair, we paid him a fortune to do that. Money well spent. Yeah. You want to know how much? Please. $85. To be fair, we paid him a fortune to do that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I wouldn't have been here right now. I know, I actually regret it too. I wanna puke. I wanna think about that when I'm doing Lauren Compton's pod just to, that'll keep me not hard. Damn, dude. Ugh. Oh, fuck. That was wild.

Yeah. You know the two girls, one cup is fake? Yeah, yeah. What? It came out as fake. Yeah, that's fake, yeah. And that changed the internet forever. It did. Oh, huge. That was pivotal.

That was like, oh, this is what's possible? Yeah. It was like the moon landing. Yes. Yes. It was like, I didn't know. It did. That was pivotal. That was like, oh, this is what's possible? Yeah. It was like the moon landing. Yes. It was 9-11. Next you're gonna tell me one guy one jar is fake. No, that's very real. What's that?

One guy one jar? Don't pull it up. Or one guy one cup? Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. It's a, it was the- This changed my life. This one is very not fake. It's not as vile in terms of,

it's not about shit and consuming it. It's a, he's very mentally ill. Sure. And he... It'll change how you feel about things for the rest of your life. You'll think about it for a long time. You can just tell that people are alone

doing things to themselves. It's not healthy. Got it. Can I tell you something? I remember exactly where I was when I saw the video. It was 2008, Tom and I were just married. Yeah, I remember when I showed it to my dad. Oh!

That's what I'm saying. It's one of those videos that you share as a family and it keeps giving. That's what I- Can we pull it up, Josh? No, we better not. Can we find it? Just mark, just open your heart.

That's when I first had, you know, one of those generation Macbooks, where the camera was in the, you know, the top here. Oh yeah. And so I would hit record on it, and then I would get like my sister and my dad, I go, have you seen this? And they're like, what is this?

I go, you gotta watch this. And then I'd have a recording of them watching it. Oh, that's fun. It was so much fun. I still have those somewhere. We should find those. Cause I remember when we did that, it was so fun. And my dad would be like, oh yeah, that's not good.

What's this guy doing? But Maria just be like, oh my God. But she could not take her eyes off of it. Maria could watch the whole thing. Most people can't. Yeah, Maria's one of the few. Oh, this is it. This is it. Okay, are you ready? There's no shit. There's no shit. There's no shit. But it is special. So that's a jar. That's a jar. Yeah. Yeah. Okay that's a sack and a dong. Yeah and it just goes right in you know. Like he's. It's so fast. It's like a glass jar going in. Look at the insides of his legs, you can tell how... how banged up he is.

Alright, what are we doing here? Boy, a lot of range on this show. We had the chiropractic, he was so nice. Ah! It went all the way in! Yeah, it broke. Oh no! Not our shards of glass and blood that he's pulling out. Oh god!

What's with the uncircumcised too? I'm seeing a trend. He's European. You have to be from Canada or Europe to do things like this. Well there's just a lot of blood. So much blood. And he just pulls the glass out of his rectum. This is what I assume Burt shits. Yeah. Look at all that blood though. Look at all that blood. I see the blood. I think about this video once a month. Yeah since 2008. Oh

God, but you know that here's the thing that real perspective is that you learn that everybody's different Yeah, everybody has something that gets them going And when you think you're weird you're in your hotel you hate yourself this. This guy's doing this. He's at Whole Foods. Yeah. God, do you? So much glass. This guy can be in front of you in line at Whole Foods. Oh, he is. He is. He is. Is this what was supposed to happen or was this an accident? Is this planned, the breaking? I think he tries to do it without it breaking, but it just... But then bonus. He's gotta get some plastic. Okay, we're good. Ah, we got it. We got it. Jesus. Does he get all of it out though? He's still reaching. Ahhhh. He's gotta get some plastic. Okay, we're good. Ah, we got it, we got it. Does he get all of it out though?

He's still reaching. Ah! He's still reaching. Yeah, there's a lot of glass in there. Good lord. So much glass in that asshole. These guys are. Ooh, hey!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Guys, and it's guys. Again, you don't see a lot of girls putting glass jars up their assholes. Ah, I can send you a link. You can take it off. Breaking? Yeah. No breaking, no breaking. Breaking? Yeah. Breaking is that?

No breaking, no breaking. Pulling the bloody bits out? That's what I'm saying, Mark. It's guys. Oh, that's still, we still have a minute. I don't got it. I don't need to see the twist ending. I just wanted to make sure you-

Yeah, thank you. I wonder, I'd love to study both of your brains before the show and then after, cause you've just seen so much dark twisted shit. It's bad, yeah. Trauma. Yeah, the thing that I... You and like a war vet would have a similar mental.

Oh, for sure. I wrote this show that I just sold, you know, and even the executive messaged me, he goes, you're fucked up, man. And I go, I think it's from doing this podcast. It's gotta be. Yeah. Well, nothing shocking, you realize. Very little shocks me. People send me things, I think it's from doing this podcast. It's gotta be. Yeah. Well, nothing shocking, you realize.

It very little shocks me. People send me things and I'm like, I just saw a guy pull glass shards out of his asshole. Two US Army soldiers were found posting themselves in uniform on a personal fetish-themed social media page. And these are like, you know. Oh, God. These decorated. Oh, no. Like, that's a lot of pins up there, you know, yeah that stuff you can get fired for that you certainly can

Dick out that's pretty cool China is seeing this in high-fiving for sure Even though Colonel Donnelly is retired. This is Colonel Brian T. Donnelly, AKA Pup Ravage, and Captain Dayton Tenney, AKA Adjunct Pup, even though Colonel Donnelly's retired, he can still face charges, while Captain Dayton will be put through an investigation. All right. Oh, for just, what, being in uniform?

Yeah, it's that they're in uniform. I like that we just saw a guy with a bleedy ass and a guy shit on a piece of bread, but you're like, we better not show the dick here. We got standards. I think these came to us like this. Oh, okay, okay. I didn't know that was for me. Yeah, I don't want to offend Mark with this guy's limp penis in the locker room. I have to say the audacity of being in the military and being an out-pup player is, it's pretty scary. I mean, don't you think you're inviting

some possible hostility from your peers? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I'd be a little weary of sharing, you know. Yeah, that's a real masculine aggro environment. And to be like, do you wanna see me in my dog mask? Yeah. I don't think I'd hide that. Although if this guy was on the battlefield

and I saw a guy in a dog mask charging me, I'd be like, all right, take my gun. Yeah, exactly. New uniform for a military? Yeah. That'd be kinda cool. Oh yeah. It's terrifying.

It is terrifying. I don't feel aroused personally This is the first time I've seen somebody be like here's my dick though clearly you know yeah Yeah, they usually say they always claim. It's not sexual these yeah, right, right? Yeah, well, what's up with furries all that? I I don't I don't understand. It's gotta be I gotta be definitely but something's up Yeah, they're you know, nothing sexual. I wish I had something weird like that. I don't know, I'm so boring.

Okay, pops, we've had a bit of a rest. Time now for some training. Whoa. What's involved in human puppy plays, at first seems really simple because, you know, most people think you just get on all fours, waddling around and going woof woof and bark bark. But it's really so much more complicated.

It's an addiction, I guess, in a way. I feel there is a hidden dog in me. I feel I have to live two lives in some ways Look, they're just being little puppy rascals. And latex suits. Some people, there's sexy time involved, but that's not the whole essence of it. But not all of us. Yeah, this seems like a totally non-sexual environment. Just a group of dudes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Collars and hats. So they attracted two dogs? Or they just like to be dogs? They want to be dogs. Yeah. Got it. Yeah, yeah, and you can train for it, you know.

Every day. I mean, I guess it'd be a pretty good seeing eye dog. Cause they can talk to you When you feel like it wait, why are you so he just what happens? He's not used to smell your owner's underwear like a dog with fun. Yeah importantly, though There's activities that you're gonna be doing to help build up your scent and the first one and first color training Is to know your own smell Once a day when you wake up in the morning

Take a good width of your pit before you've showered before you've put any deodorant cologne on Yeah, we all do that sure when you check time during your workday during those moments when you're in class You gotta check. Uh oh. Wait a minute. What happened? What's going on? Alright, we all do that too, right? Sure.

Yeah, but are you building your musk? Are you knowing your smell? Smell what your nuts smell like at different times of the day. No, just wanna make sure in case you have a hookup. In the morning when you wake up, have a fondle. Yeah. You don't smell the old clam?

You would fondle with your nuts. I do, I do, I just to make sure for, what's the word I'm looking for? You gotta do the dipstick. Well, the main thing to take from this is to understand this is nothing sexual. This is just people being themselves. Yep.

Oh, this part's not sexual. You don't have a tail. Oh, you don't have a tail. Good puppy. Good puppy. Yeah. I'm nervous. Now, you've come because you need a tail, haven't you?

Dog play. Yeah. Good puppy. It's a beautiful day out. Is this the towel you love the most? I mean it was a broad daylight, at least dim the lights. Yeah. There goes the tails going in.

Good boy. You gonna come so hard now Tom? Oh, good boy. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Are you going to come so hard now, Tom? Very bright. What the hell's happening? He's getting a tail. He's getting a tail inserted.

Oh, man. You're very tight down there, aren't you, Tom? It's not. You're looking at it all wrong. OK. This is just how people in this environment work. How would you be a dog if you don't have a tail? I guess you're right.

Oh, puppy pets, you rest your head. Rest your head, good boy. This reminds me like the gynecologist when they, Oh yeah. They do their shit to women, it's not sexual. Yeah. Sure. It just feels like that. Like to me this feels medical.

Yeah. Like I don't want. Does this feel medical? This feels like torture. Fucking ass. All right, finally something we can all get behind. Yeah, she's had a little bit of work done. It's... it's... it's... Don't say. Oh man!

Yeah, I follow her on the talk. She's been around. She's on the gram too. Quite the cheekbone. Anastasia Podestuk, age 36, has the world's biggest cheeks. Hey! And has changed her looks with a little bit of plastic surgery.

She's known for showing her butt lift and is saying how the swelling has been going down so she can now sit down. Jesus Christ. She's always like, what do you mean my cheeks are too big? She's totally normal, totally healthy. You wanna tell Mark here what he's gonna see now?

Oh, are you ready? Oh, there's more? Yeah, this one's not so bad. All right, I thought we were gonna hang out. I heard you were looking for me. Leia! We're here! We're here!

Woo! Bitch, here I come! That was just the appetizer. Oh, okay, okay. I was nervous. There's been a lot of, maybe we should take a breather. Just take a breather for a second. Yeah, this is true, Tom. I'm a little overstimulated. Okay, okay, okay, I'm nervous. There's been a lot of, maybe we should take a breather. Just take a breather for a second. Yeah, this is true, Tom.

I'm a little overstimulated. Okay, okay, okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't even know if my TikToks can be better than that, though. That's true, that's true. That's not, that's not. But I do wanna switch lanes. Like, my TikToks I like to curate are from the outliers, people that are underrepresented in the TikTok algorithm.

Sure. We'll take a break, though. No, no, I was, I can keep going going there's a lot, but that's a lot We had we had diarrhea. Yeah bread We had we did give you a guy bleeding out of his asshole. Yeah, a lot of clips What's going on with our house tour? Well, see you can't do this on NBC. I know you really great thing about the internet Yeah, Fallon imagine falling fake laughing at the bleeding asshole

He's like dude that had to hurt so bad Yeah, hey Toren's going great living the dream can't complain Yeah, I mean you just did a couple shows here at the, where do you, where's the, are you doing a super long tour? Or is this just like, I'm going to like September. I like the the road Yeah, I think it's like a it's a marriage saver. Yeah, you know, it's great to get out there But I'm also selling tickets for the first time so I feel like I got to capitalize on that. Congratulations Thank you. I think it's gonna go away at some point. That's what everybody does that. I mean everyone that's a normal thought I think okay. Yeah, do you guys we're definitely in a boom. You guys think? Without a doubt. Yeah, you think we're gonna hang on to it?

Well, I think it's like a market, like a housing market. Yeah. You know? So I think we're super fortunate that we are right now, it's like we own homes. Yeah. And they're like, hey, you just got another offer. Right.

And you're like, oh, that's crazy. Exactly. And so you're just taking those offers. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think The crazy thing is to go into this and not accept the idea that there's a window for it Yes Well, and I also think as long as the world keeps sucking as hard as it has then comedy will prevail like if Trump gets reelected

Yeah, well, I think it's good and bad comedy time. No, it's good for comedy. I don't know about that. People are gonna be so crazy. I think it's good because he'll do crazy shit. He says funny stuff all the time. We can make fun of it. But I do feel like that's when all the angry blue haired people get like- They get more angry. Yeah, they get heightened on that.

And they're just like, fuck it. This is racist. This is sexist. This is homophobic. But then they pay even more to come and see you to say those things that are quote racist and sexist. Yeah, there is this thing when like when a Dem is in office, it's actually It's kind of like The the crazies are the conservatives at that point. Mm-hmm, but they're much better audience way better. They're way funnier

They have a better sense of humor. Yeah, less offended, less analyzing. Was that problematic? But when there's a conservative in office, then the rage comes from the left. Yes. And it's insufferably bad. Right. That's what I'm talking about just like in the world of comedy. Yeah. Well, the right will have like, they might get mad at you, like about a Jesus joke and then shoot you. Which I would prefer than to be like mean to me online. I'd rather just get shot than just be like, ah, you're a racist or whatever. Like I gotta deal with this now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's tough when you're called a racist cause like how do you defend yourself? You get called that. You're like, I'm not. And here's the thing is they go, your joke, that's fine you have this joke, but right now, with what's going on, you know?

It's too callous of you to do that. And then they go, well, you're a freedom of speech guy, so you can make the joke, then I can tell you the joke sucks. I'm like, you're welcome to tell me the joke sucks, but you're also trying to like call clubs and get them to not book me and stuff. So that's a different thing. And that's something that, yeah, I'll say this,

I don't think conservatives do that. No, not really. Don't give a shit. That's a strictly lefty move. Yeah, they'll call you and be like, SIG-ILE or whatever the fuck, but like, did you see that comedy club in Seattle? They cut out Metzger and Gomez and all these guys.

Oh, you didn't see this? No. Oh, this small Gomez and all these guys. Oh, you didn't see this? No. No. Oh, this small club booked all these guys and eventually kind of figured out what they were all about and then unbooked them. No. Really? And they posted about it and it made it, I can't believe it was a huge thing.

Didn't hear about it at all. It's like a week ago. Really? Yeah. Did they book them together or these are like separate bookings? Separate bookings and it's a new club so they're like, oh, we can get Kurt Metzger, bring him in. He was on this in Comedy Central and Chelsea Lately.

And then unbook them. And then they saw their content, they were like, fuck that, they're in Capitol Hill, it's like a very progressive gay area. Oh, okay. Well that makes sense then. Well it's their discretion. Yeah, do what you want.

Maybe their audience doesn't want that. But here's the thing is this is the flip of the cake cakes of Hey when you when you do something you say something there's consequences Oh, yeah, now you're gonna like usually it's like a comedian said something right then somebody reacts and they go hey, man This is what you have to deal with if you're gonna say that and you're like, okay, that's fair, right? Well now it's the club going, we booked you, we're unbooking you because of what you've done.

Now you're gonna have to deal with the reaction to that. You made that choice. You know what I mean? It's kinda flipping that thing on its head. So now people are going to, I don't know, trash you online, I don't know how they're gonna act in person, but if you choose to do that, you also have to deal with the consequences of that, you know?

I guess so, and they're getting to your point. They're getting a lot of death threats, bomb threats, you know? And you know, that's... also maybe check out who you're booking before you book them. That too. Then there's no problem. But what about the argument of, hey, you know, in the 50s saying gay marriage or Lenny Bruce stuff was considered no-no, and he would get unbooked from clubs because he was controversial, and he was like, black people are okay, you know, whatever.

That was controversial back then, saying like, gays aren't bad or whatever. But he had the right to say it and now that's the norm. Gay people can get married, whatever. So what if Kurt Metzger has a good point that's progressive but it goes against the narrative, now he doesn't get a platform. Right.

I argued that horribly and got it out a little clunky. I understand what you're saying though, it's because this person is, what they're doing is they're going I found this one thing That is I don't like or you know offends me about this guy They have no idea like Kurt's a like a hilarious comic super funny super smart guy And he might go up there to that even to that booker and put on a set that they go like holy shit. That was Fantastic yeah, and now they'll never discover on a set that they go like, holy shit, that was fantastic.

And now they'll never discover that because they're like, yeah, but there is this other thing one time. And it's like, okay, well then. But also like freedom of whatever, they own the club, that's what they want to do. Yeah, they can do whatever they want. Fuck them, there's a million other venues

and shit out there. Sure, sure. You can four wall his own, if I were Kurt, I would four wall my own shit down the street, find the theater right fucking next door and sell the shit out of it. And put all the guys on there that they didn't book and succeed. Yeah, him and Lewis, they should both do that.

Do your own shit next door. There's a lot of venues in Seattle. There's a lot of venues in Seattle. Yeah, fuck that club. It's a little weird that the people who hate Kurt or who don't like that kind of comedy, they won't even go that night So you're kind of saying hey don't have this guy

Even when I'm not there I want I wanted the club to be exactly run like I want because it was with a community that stepped in sure and it's Like but you won't even go to see Kurt so let right someone else go see him exactly So they can't book anyone you hate even when you're not going to the show. I know. It's kind of dictator-y. It totally is. These clubs that have like, no, I know what I want here.

It's like, you know what you want here for you personally. Yes, yes. But that's not serving the community really. The community. And they always talk about diversity and open-minded, inclusive. We're like, well, not to him. Right.

He's a person too. No. Yeah, it's inclusive to people who are desperate for inclusivity. That's who you're being inclusive to. Well, the inclusive people are usually the most in not inclusive. Exclusive. Exclusive, yeah.

They're MO. Yeah, it's like the- They're insufferably exclusive. Yeah, there's always a flip, like the God hates guy is always getting blown at a rest stop, you know And I'm super inclusive like no nobody is super everything's cool No, no, okay with you then you're mentally ill Yes, you should have boundaries to what you think is acceptable or tasteful or for you. Yeah preferences

You can have fucking preference. Well, that's what most of us live on. You're not hateful if you have preferences. Right. So stupid. You go to the drive by the movie theater and you're like, I don't wanna see any of this shit. Yeah. Okay, go do something else today. But you don't call the theater and go, fuck you for having Rick and Ralph.

Yeah, it's like. People are so weird. I know. I do think though the real, like all this kind of lays on, you know, bookers. It's the same as when somebody got a ticket to see your show and then they're like, I didn't like this.

You're like, did you know he was going to see you? And they're like, no. It's like, well then that's on you, man. That's on you. And if you're a booker and you're booking people, like you actually made an offer and you're unaware of what they do, this is your fault. Yeah. Yeah.

Completely. Don't make offers. Yeah, Madam Webb sucked, but I'm not trying to get my money back. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, completely. Don't make offers. Yeah, Madame Webb sucked, but I'm not trying to get my money back. Exactly. Yeah. I don't know what that is. It's a horrible Marvel movie.

Marvel's really going down the shitter. Yeah, it's been that way for a while. I can't believe how crazy big that whole world has got as far as like as a business. I know, it's wild. It's so insane. It's all Disney now, it's cool. And then you learn, if you want to feel old

That all those movies ain't shit Compared to what video games gross like is that right? I didn't know that it's not even close like the biggest feature franchises are Laughable when you talk about what these releases will do in video games. Really? Yeah. I had no idea. Yeah. I guess because you can't stream of it, you can't steal a video game.

Well yeah. You can steal a movie. You know, bootlegging and all that. It's so crazy. Like in their pre-sales, like they'll have like a pre-sale first weekend for a game that's coming out and they're like, we made 890 million Friday. Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, we should be getting the video game business. The video game business is insane. I had no idea. Well, these gamer kids, they're like the new Michael Jordan. You know, some Asian kid is a zillionaire. Zillionaire. He's getting blown all day long

while he's in his crazy video game chair. Yeah. And you know, he can't even lift like a bag of groceries. No. But he can kick some ass on Tekken. I guess I never really, I see this now, but I like the idea that like there really is a huge, not like an audience, a huge audience to watch

you play a video game, cause you're really good at it. That's insane. That's crazy to me, but it's so big. I mean, I guess we watch people fuck. We watch people cook food. So it's not that, because if you're into video games, we watch people play sports because we played sports. Right.

You know, it's not that crazy. Now can we do tech talks? Was that enough? Sorry, sorry. Thank you for giving me a breather. Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't know, I felt bad actually. I curate these with love.

I know. Oh, okay. We'll put it back. We'll see what- with love. I know. Okay. Okay. We'll put it back We'll see you're not all this crazy though. We'll see what mark. They're more nuanced sometimes Yeah mark. This is here's the thing. It's not gonna make you sick like the other stuff, but it can be an emotional ride What she pulls? Okay With God Everything is possible See what I mean?

This is very palatable. Everything is possible. But it's annoying, you wanna kill him. It's very annoying. Nathaniel Czangdeutsch, Nathaniel Czangdeutsch. With God, everything is possible. I hate him so much. Wouldn't you have so many questions

if your wife was like, that's my ex? Oh. Wouldn't you question everything in your life? Of course, yeah. You're like, you dated this guy? wife was like, that's my ex. Oh. When you question everything in your life. Of course, yeah. You're like, you dated this guy? She's like, yeah, four years. I'd be like, we are getting a divorce. Yeah.

Yeah. But that's before he turned to Christianity. Yeah, it was before he turned. He's a hardcore drug addict. He was cool back then. Got it, got it. Used to party. She goes, yeah, he found Jesus, that's when we split up and this is what he does now.

How much do you hate a stupid fucking? The hat, the shirt. I hate that he felt like he should share this. That's the only thing that I really hate. That he felt safe enough to share. Yeah, I wish people felt less safe in the world. Same, I wish the fear of retribution was on him. Yes, an unsafe space.

Like the one that we have, we were like, should I post this? Of course. You're killing and you're still like, I don't know. I look at my hand and my voice sounds weird. Exactly. Yikes. Whoa.

Chloe's a little bit mad right now because we left them out and she started to eat them. So I had to take them from her. So she didn't eat all of them. She she started to eat them. So I had to take them from her. So she didn't eat all of them, she ate a few of them. Watch this, it gets better. You did? What the fuck? She doesn't like it when I tell her business.

This is a whole lane. There's people who have wild cats. Yeah. Cougars, tigers tigers leopards? Yeah, bobcats mountain lions, so usually it's in the Arab world and usually it's like a sheik Yeah, you don't usually see chicks like this with like a man. They'll have like Panthers in their house and shit Jesus so she left out. I'm pretty upset about it to snacks out I guess Oh, man, and the the cat got to some of the chips or whatever and I was hitting the back of her head The cat the links or whatever the fuck this is

Than that dog guy dude and the dog mask, but yeah, this is wild she's like he's a little mad She's so calm She knows it this thing is yeah,. So remember the woman that was like, well, I'm just gonna feed the python and oh, that's quite a squeeze. Like they are always like blissfully unaware. Confident. Yeah.

And kinda checked out as to the reality. She's had this one since it was a pup, I'm sure. That helps. Yeah, but still. It was a little kitty. I mean, that monkey will eventually rip your face off. Totally. It's coming.

Yeah, it'll rip your testicles off and eat your fingers. Yeah. Every time. And this is tough too, because you have guests over, and you've got to be like, it's fine. You're like, it's hitting you. Just chill. Chill out.

It's hissing. Last year, daddy and I joined a local dungeon. Oof. And they have a really big group for littles and middles. And they have at least one monthly littles thing. And today, I'm going alone. and they have at least one monthly Littles thing and Today I'm going alone usually they're on the weekends But this was on a Friday evening and daddy worked second shift

I'm going and I'm bringing my service dog with me so she can keep me company is Yeah, I get too anxious Where she going? Yeah, so I Wear my Grogu shirt with one of them and then I put my hair was not really even I don't like this but I put my hair in pigtails and then I packed The fuck am I watching? So mark this is called little space This is for people who feel better when they're regressed in their childlike state. So she's a little and she has a grown,

another adult man who's her daddy. Got it. And they play in the daddy little space. How does that make you feel? Well, I guess it's better than real. You know, cause you get all the trappings of a kid, but it's an adult vagina. So that's some silver lining on this freak show.

I think I enjoy it. I guess it's better than most. Not quite sure, but I think it is. I'm still humming and hawing. You know, I'm still working on that. I really know how hard to pack a bag because pretty much I've got- So she's just pretending to be like a toddler basically? Yeah. How does this woman make an income? I'm always struggling to pay the rent to these people. They just have passive income from fucking pacifiers.

And oodles of free time. What the fucking time it takes to do this thing? Are we paying her disability? I think we are. Probably. I mean she's got time. What's that cart? It looks like a fucking medical cart or something, you know I don't know. It's got like heart monitors and pills on it. What's in that? No, it's got her passes They always have lots of crafts, but I pack a backup coloring get the fuck out of here. What?

Get a job get a job. Oh Exotic pet thought that was Ari Oh another exotic pet thought that was Ari No piece of bread bread yeah, what's your blood lighter? Offering a baby food Hmm This one's my tribe like Russia Look at that. Stop kissing his mouth dumb. It would happen if you would walk in the room right now? Yeah.

And that thing was like getting pet by her? It would just- WAKOM! Oh man, that was a pretty good cougar. That was really good, Tom. And your whole face would be hanging off. You're like, what's the fight? She's like, it's okay, it's okay. You scared her, you scared her.

Well yeah, you've ever been attacked by someone's cat? Yeah, it's the worst. It sucks. Raaarrr! You think that thing's not gonna fuck up your friend? Look at that. Yeah. Weird. It's weird, these people get mad at you if you have a gun. Yeah.

This is like in an apartment. Yeah! In Siberia. Alright, alright. And you know what it is, They take pride in being the one human that can get away with doing this stuff with them. That's what they get off on. I'm special.

I can interact with the snake, with the bobcat, blah blah blah. And you're not, and also, all these end the same way. Yep, it's inevitable. Clock's ticking. I know. With your face being removed. Well imagine if she eats ribs one day and goes kissing that Fucking that super confident snake lady. Yeah talking about oh, this is fucking Terry

Whatever and she's eating it and then it starts to wrap her and wrap her and then she's like I need some help in here Pete go ahead And they're like trying to unwind it and it's just slowly squeezing her, squeezing her, squeezing her. And that's her, you know, her loving python. Special bond. Whoa. I've just been, and they always like, this was my fault. Ah! Yeah, so true.

Yeah, of course, your fault is in owning it. Yeah. That's your fault. They always internalize the animal's innate nature. Right. To kill it. Yeah, like literally the animal wants to eat. That snake was probably hungry that day.

She has an extra piece of meat on her lips or ate a hot dog and she goes Frenching this fucking cat. It's gonna bite her face off. Now favorite, there's that croc guy on Instagram. He's like gator, gator guy, whatever. And he is a total world renowned expert on this. And he has them at a place. He's not like this is my house,

I got Gators walking around. He's like at a whatever, some type of. Like a farm. Yeah, like some type of farm where they rescue them or something. And he knows them so well and how Gators act and respond. And he's in the water with one and he's like, people ask me, like, you know, how I am able to do this.

And he's telling the audience, and he's like, you know, do these guys love me? He was like, they do not love me. He goes, I am always like a few seconds away from being attacked and dying at all times. There you go. He's like, I'm just hyper aware. I know what to do and how to do this.

He's like in a second, he's like right in front of you, this guy would kill me and eat me if I was not aware. At least he's sane. He's saying it. Yeah, yeah. There's no love in their hearts. No. They don't feel love.

No. It's a reptile that's just like. Yeah, it's a dinosaur waiting for a chicken. Yeah, they're just waiting. You just, you fed it. So it's like, all right, cool. But if you didn't, it would be like, I'm gonna eat you right now of course yeah Yeah, I feel like that's how you feel about me. Yeah, I just stopped milking you and feeding you

You just got no love in your heart. Just yeah, yeah, well you heard a gypsy rose She killed the mom Yeah, what was that? I'm and got no what was that that great movie Henry? Oh, yeah. Yeah portrait of a serial killer There's that great scene. There's a funniest scene where it's not the funniest, but he gets in the back seat with that prostitute and then he snaps her neck and then his friend is like What the fuck? He's talking about like it's dude where's my car? It's not a comedy. It's a funny scene though.

That's pretty funny. It's Tom's version of comedy. Pull it up. I'm going to Fatclon in Seattle, Washington, in January. Oh, Seattle. Hey. And I want to see you there.

Fatclon is a three-day fat liberation celebration, y'all. We will be celebrating fat liberation, body acceptance, and the power of being in fat community. With over 60 hours of programming spanning from policy, legislation, healthcare, community, and visual arts, plus a ton more, this is sure to be something you don't wanna miss.

Yeah, well here's the thing, if you do miss it, it's okay, because you'll not be alive next year. When year two comes around. And no one is missing this. We're gonna see her coming. You feel a ripple in your water cup. She's up. T-Rex.

Oh my God, what's happening? Well, and it's in Seattle. That's a good place. Oh yeah. Apropos our earlier discussion. Oh man. Fat Con, health stuff. Yeah.

You hate to cater that. 90 hours of programming. We're gonna talk about... Blah, blah, blah. Talk about hot dog stands. That's all they should have there. This is insane. I know.

This is completely insane behavior. Bad news. Yeah. Just a lot lot of what's the first thing at? Fatcon so when's the last time he saw your genitalia? Me it's been about 20 years normalizing being like 350 or whatever and like yeah, it's like I know you know these goddamn door frames Like no, they're not no they're not your shit together man. Yeah, yeah, well then the winner here is the caterer That's like we are gonna make all our years income on this fat gun

This is no different like this take is no different than like the comedian that always goes like You know fucking they don't get it. I you know, fucking I'm not, so I'm not as lucky as you getting off it. Oh, the worst. Haters. The worst, I hate that. It's like that's the fact, that's the fat con person. That's a great point, yeah.

You put a video on YouTube, it does well, but you're like must be nice. No, no, I wrote the jokes. Yeah, and then I uploaded it. Yeah, but this is a hey, must be nice to be thin, like no, you gotta go to the, I go to the gym all the time. Yeah, right, and I say no to food. Yeah, but this is, hey, it must be nice to be thin. Like, no, you gotta go to the, I go to the gym all the time. Yeah, right, and I say no to food. Yeah.

The comedian that I have so many guys who have been like, you know, they're not looking for any white guys. And I'm like, have you seen the list of the most successful comedians? Yeah, yeah, right. Don't worry about white guys, they're fine. Yeah, white guys are doing just fine. Yeah, just go on the internet.

Here's the thing, it's not your whiteness that's holding you back now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are they gonna celebrate when they get together? That's the weirdest part of a con like that. Hey, you're fat, I'm fat. Yeah. I don't know, it's a weird thing to celebrate.

Yeah, I guess so. Like, I don't know. That you can just shit on the floor and keep walking together, I guess. Such pig time Pig time like putt play Just pig play roll around in this trough you eat and shit in it at the same time see but that's something I would go to I'd be like that sounds awesome. It'd be cool if you could throw shit at them

Yeah, you throw like soup and hot dogs and everything at them. That's what I'm talking about. And they're like. See now that's a good event. Yeah. That's fun. Yeah.

And then at the very end, there's a latch that comes out and a leopard jumps in. Boom! And fucking eats them. Yeah. It'd be fun, right? That'd be fun.

And going there would be like going to a bounce house. You could just bang up off everybody, you know? Bounce around. So, but she's so fucking big. Fat Con. Yeah. She has, there's no way she's easily stands and walks. No, it's going to be a trouble getting all these people to Fat Con.

Yeah. That's going to be a hard thing. She should have picked like the middle of the country. Yeah, Seattle. The short of flights. Good point. That's tougher to get to. Yeah, this is more of an Omaha event.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Right? Put them out in the plains. For sure. There's a lot of land. You have to be able to drive to Fat Con. These people are not getting on air. Seattle is like a real trip.

Wyoming. That's still up there. Kansas City would be a great place. All the barbecue. Oh my God, those pork house. What are they doing with Seattle? It's like a healthy place. You ever see those stadium great place all the barbecue. Oh my god Let's work out. What do you know it's like a health you ever see those stadium shots of a chiefs game It's not fucking not different than this. It's just a lot of like Piggy pies

What you want to do. This is the guy that just got there. That's someone's friend. He's torturing his friend. That's great. That's what I would do too. Come on in, man. You let a tiger out. It's kind of a shitty tiger. He should have killed him.

That tiger is very well trained. That guy is in a full panic. Chris! Party with his socks. The best one is the guy that, like one of these sheiks had like five, six guys in his pool and they're all just like hanging out like in this rich guy's pool at a palace

and then he just lets a tiger into it and they're like, ha! And you see them like climbing out, falling, just totally terrified. That's fun. That's so good. But do the tigers, do they hurt you? No, I think these are like, I mean,

obviously a tiger can, but I think these are so domesticated. No, they probably rip their claws out and rip their teeth out. This is the Middle East, they're not nice. Oh, that makes sense. They probably fuck up these tigers. I'm sure. Gums.

I'm sure they're not like, he's exactly the way he's supposed to be. No. They neutered the shit out of that one. Yeah, yeah. It's so fucking scary. It's still so scary to see a tiger in a house. We play it again and he's like, ahhh. This guy's so scared, man. Yeah.

He's totally terrified. Ahhhh. He's totally terrified. They got a lot of free time in this area. Oh yeah, here it is, dude. This is great, right? It's like, okay, so all these guys are like, Hey, we're hanging out in this pool! Yeah. You know, and then look what's in the background here. Can you go full screen?

Yes! I mean, we enjoy only enjoy! And they just notice? Oh my God! It's the end of Fat Con! Yes! This is Seattle, my bad! It's the end of Fat Con! This is perfect! This is Seattle, my bad! Holy shit!

That's perfect! A tiger in the pool is the move. Yeah, that's pretty good. Rogan's almost there. He's like, come on over, man. Tiger's like, fuck, it's an ice bath. I'm freezing my tits off in here. So cold.

Yeah. All right, dude, it's always fun to see you. Hey, this is a blast. Hey, this is a blast. See you too. Thank you for coming. Glad you're here. You're hilarious.

Tickets are at marknormancomedy.com. It's the You Don't Say Tour. It's going on now. Don't forget, Mark has, what do you have, two podcasts? Yeah, we might be drunk, which you've done. We'd love to have you on if you ever come cross-country and then Tuesdays with stories with Joe List. With Joe List, the great Joe List's been here. Yeah, dude, you're hilarious. Congrats on everything.

Thanks, it's fun. And I hope you enjoy the rest of your tour and we will see you guys next time. Goodbye. How would you know how to identify a stinky beef? Take her to a club. of your tour and we will see you guys next time goodbye Open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, open the, I mean if we're gonna go through the trouble of having her twerk and then finding her dirty undies and sniffing them, why not just hook up with her and find out? Take her to a club, make her twerk, and she say I can't twerk cause I'm smelly pussy?