Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Hollywood Horror Stories w/ Jim Breuer | Your Mom's House Ep. 849

Episode Date: March 4, 2026

Come see Christina do standup live! Irving, TX! Denver, CO! Chicago, IL! She's coming to you! Get your tickets at https://christinap.com SPONSORS: - Tear. Pour. Live More. Go to https://liquid-iv.c...om and get 20% off your first order with code YMH at checkout. - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at https://shopify.com/ymh - Visit http://BlueChew.com to get 10% off your first month. This week on Your Mom's House, comedian and SNL alum, Jim Breuer joins Christina P for a raw, hilarious, and no-holds-barred conversation that goes everywhere! From growing up as a fat kid with blue-collar parents, to surviving Saturday Night Live, to raising kids in a world that feels completely upside down. Christina P and Jim talk parenting boys, discipline, letting kids be kids, and why overprotective culture is failing families. Jim opens up about marriage, loyalty, divorce trauma, and why he refuses to blow up his family for fame or temptation. The two also dive deep into cancel culture, porn addiction, gender ideology, Hollywood hypocrisy, and the Epstein era, with Jim sharing jaw-dropping stories from his time inside the industry. Plus Christina shows Jim some insane Toks and other unhinged content we've discovered online. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 849 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:18 - Being A Fat Kid 00:04:20 - Raising Kids 00:08:30 - Opening Clip: Gay Genderfluid Dog 00:14:14 - Woody Allen & Hollywood Creeps 00:20:16 - Marriage, Loyalty, & A Stolen Car 00:31:49 - Really Cool Relationships 00:37:29 - Porn Addiction & How It Rewires Young Minds 00:42:52 - Some Gay Clips 00:47:42 - Huffing Car Accident 00:52:14 - College Frat Boys 00:57:05 - Find The Funny Tour 01:00:02 - Christina's Curations 01:07:06 - Closing Song - "Bite The End of Your Dad's D*ck Off" by DJ Stanimom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Mommies, I am doing stand-up, a very limited run. I will be in Irving, Texas, April 24th, and 25th, May 14th through 16th in Denver, Colorado at Comedy Vex. And then Chicago, Illinois, September 18th through 19th at the Den Theater, ChristinaPee.com for tickets. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house. Hello, Mommies, it is me, Christina Pee, Tim Seguero. is in California filming bad thoughts too but with me
Starting point is 00:00:40 is fucking I'm so pumped guys put your hands together for the gym brewer the gym brewer how cool are you you're so funny and I'm like I'm a little starstruck keen really? Yeah
Starting point is 00:00:53 wow okay I love you I love you thank you I love your silly face you've got like the best silly eyes and like I think it's from I think it's just from watching too many cartoons as a kid.
Starting point is 00:01:06 It's just imitating everything I'd watch. That's all. Is that it? Was that your inspiration for comedy? Cartoons? No, I think it was being a fat kid. You're fat? I was fat.
Starting point is 00:01:20 I was 82 pounds of kindergarten. And the only reason I remember that is because I had to go to the nurse. And it was me, Sally Ann Costello, and Noel Garzan, and three of the fattest kids in kindergarten and the nurse would come and ask for all three of us. And then I got on the scale. It was 82 pounds. And I remember being in front of my nanny's house
Starting point is 00:01:46 and his older kid was on his bike. He's like, oh my God, how fat are you? How much you weigh? I didn't know. I was like 582 pounds. He had to tell someone, but there was no one in the street. That's why I remember it was 82 pounds. He looked for somebody.
Starting point is 00:02:03 He's like, I got there's some evidence to confirm the reality. Yeah. Yeah. Why were you so fat? I think, honestly, because I had an Italian, so my parents were really blue collar. My mom was, my dad was gone at 6, 8, 5, 5 a.m. he's gone. What did he do? Sanitation.
Starting point is 00:02:27 Oh, wow. Yeah, they were World War II era parents. People think grandparents, no, my parents. were super late in having me. My mom would always, like, in her 40s when she had me, and she'd have martinis and tell me, like, we were supposed to abort you.
Starting point is 00:02:47 What? Because people, they don't have children in her 40s. They'd have something come out. They said something's got me wrong with him. And we didn't, I didn't know if to have you or not, but I did. But I had you. And thank God.
Starting point is 00:03:01 besides your eyes there's nothing around with you thank you mom nom nom nom nom nom no so good no but so they would drop me off in the morning and the lady all I can guess is she was Italian Mary she was like my second mom I still think of her
Starting point is 00:03:20 and I think because I was just a wild animated high energy kid she was just like oh my god this kid he no shut up You know, she here Go have eat a cake Eat a burger You're fresh form, my
Starting point is 00:03:36 Honest kitty don't stop Yeah And I would get So I'd go to school Come home from school around three She'd got to be hungry She'd make burgers Three, four days a week
Starting point is 00:03:47 She'd make meatballs She'd make cake Then I'd get dessert Well now When I go home I know I'm gonna get another dessert And another dinner And another dinner
Starting point is 00:03:58 And another dinner So my mom like You hungry Like, yeah, I didn't eat. As each week goes by, my cheese get bigger, my breasts are getting bigger. I don't know what's going on. Me, I don't know. So, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:12 So that's how it. Did you have siblings? Yeah, but they were much older. Oh, okay. So you were the late. So all my nieces, like, for instance, on this tour, my niece, who I've had out on tour, Every time I go on tour, it's like the therapy tour. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:31 I bring, I bring like, okay, you have issues with some toxic things. Why don't you come with Uncle Jimmy and we try to straighten the son? You can sell merchandise something. Then I had like a nephew. Oh, you're out of prison. Let's try to win you back in the line. There's another one. Okay, let's try to help this.
Starting point is 00:04:49 So I was super close with all my nieces and nephew because they're all within two years of me. So the niece that I have Meet me in L.A. She's a couple years younger And I used to bring her And they'd be like, yeah, you're a niece She's my niece It's my sister's kid
Starting point is 00:05:11 Who's like 70. Yeah. Wow. Does it work? Did it straighten them out? Bringing them on the road? Nephews worked very well. The niece did well. She's doing well.
Starting point is 00:05:26 now. They go through God damn. Don't tell me. You have kids, yeah. Yeah, you have kids. Yeah. What do you have? I have two boys. They're 7 and 10. And what you're talking about is right. Like if you don't put a bro, bro, bro, I know. Seven and 10, put your feet up. Because that's, this is where you're at right now.
Starting point is 00:05:47 No, really? This is a sweet spot. So now let's just enjoy this. They're 7 and 10. Yeah. You're in a great spot. I'm having fun with them. Like, I throw them in the car every weekend. We go on adventures. I travel with them. We laugh.
Starting point is 00:06:03 No, it, they're fucking crazy, though. And if I don't give them activity, the little one will just stuff his face to a snack. And so are the older one. Candy, candy, food, food. Well, boys, too, they need nonstop, nonstop, outdoor entertainment, climbing. Yes. Biting. Yes.
Starting point is 00:06:22 Eating things they shouldn't eat. All day. Breaking things. They just want to break. You know what we did this weekend? We just threw rocks. We just threw rocks. And I was like, just throw fucking rocks.
Starting point is 00:06:34 And I sit there. We fed squirrels. Like my little guy can actually feed squirrels with his hands. Yes. In the part, I'm like, just go. Just get fit. And I don't care. I don't care.
Starting point is 00:06:42 I don't fucking care. I know. They love it. They size up trees. Look, I'm going to get this tree. And then moms are often like, don't climb. Let him climb. I let him fall, lose his breath.
Starting point is 00:06:55 Of course. You lost your breath. Okay, it's a lesson. It's all good. Well, I'm Eastern European mom. So I do encourage them to be boys because I don't want cry baby pussies to grow up and be soft men.
Starting point is 00:07:10 I don't like this. So I do encourage them to be fighting and pushing and playing. Kicking. I love it. I like that. And strong, yeah. Strong, me.
Starting point is 00:07:22 And there comes Kleimsetzi And we're You know Steak and Toslack You're German You're Brewer I'm Breyer
Starting point is 00:07:33 Breyer What's Breyer? Brewer Brewer. Brewer. Where's an umlaut. Yeah, and I say In the home
Starting point is 00:07:41 You are a brewer But here I'm here is Oe, so you are Breuer, you come from Senot, you are Breuer. I left that place going,
Starting point is 00:07:51 I am Breuer! and no longer brewer you will call me broya yeah you went to germany many times i'd love it there where are you guys from what part i don't know i still haven't figured that out i've been looking at my dad's death certificate and his dad's step like where are we from no but according to them i'm somewhere in north germany okay north of germany or northern northern germany yeah yeah i can see that because you have such pretty blue eyes light i won't see i think sure If it's okay, not disrespect, once I blush. Not disrespect, and Mr.
Starting point is 00:08:27 Well, you're from a good European family. Let's start the show. We haven't even started the show, really, because we've been chatting. I have so much fun with you. You're just like, you're just fun. We haven't even hit record yet. Oh, we've hit record. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:08:38 We have to do our opening clip. Are you ready? So just like I said, I'm sure your cool parents would have liked this. So here you go. Hi. Can you tell me about your dog? This is Honey. He is a gay gender fluid, golden retriever.
Starting point is 00:08:52 Afghan helmets. Yes. How did you know that he was gay? We have another dog named Charlie. He's about seven years older than honey, and they are completely inseparable. Well, hi. Happy pride. Okay, well, that's the gossip.
Starting point is 00:09:06 Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving for this. Your mom in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Ha ha. Oh, man. How'd you know he was gay?
Starting point is 00:09:38 Because he went, oh, woof. We noticed he really decorated his area very well. He was so clean with his sticks. Could you imagine this stupid is your mom? this dumb fuck in her stupid shorts this is your owner and you're like I'm just happy not to be on the street he's a non-binary dog
Starting point is 00:10:16 we don't let him pick his gender because it's his right that's what it is and we think this dog is because you should see how he decorates this little sitting area it's incredible we're pretty convinced it's gay
Starting point is 00:10:30 and he tries to always you know, take on the other dog. This show is sponsored by Liquid Ivy. On the days when my schedule is packed with drop-offs, pickups, and recordings, I have to stay hydrated from start to finish. And that's why I rely on Liquid Ivy. Liquid IV is the only sugar-free hydration product on the market,
Starting point is 00:10:54 clinically demonstrated to hydrate faster than water alone. With zero sugar, three times the electrolytes, and eight essential vitamins, it helps increase the fluid available to the body, which allows for hydration retention for up to four hours. Plus, it comes in a variety of flavors, including strawberry watermelon, white peach, lemon, lime, and rainbow sherbert. Just one stick and 16 ounces of water hydrates better than water alone, powered by LIV hydroscience, an optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins, and clinically tested nutrients that turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration. And right now, you can go to liquid iv.com for 20% off with code YMH at checkout.
Starting point is 00:11:38 We love liquid IV. I'm constantly drinking this. I have this in my house. I give this to my mother-in-law because she gets so dehydrated. And she likes it. She hates taste of water. She loves liquid ivy. Show up.
Starting point is 00:11:50 Start to finish with hydration from liquid IV hydration multiplier. Sugar free. Tear. Pour. Live more. Go to liquidiv.com and get 20% off your first order with code YMH at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code YMH at LiquidIV.com. Before we started this podcast, there were moments where I wondered if anyone would actually
Starting point is 00:12:12 want to listen to us and our Brown talk. No matter what you're starting, the doubts will always creep in, but that doesn't have to stop you from turning your idea into a business. Shopify is the platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the U.S. from household names to brand, like ours here at YMH. Not only is our merch store powered by Shopify, I turned to them when I started Christina P Cosmetics and I wouldn't have it any other way. Shopify helps you build an online store that matches your brand style and tackles all the important tasks in one place.
Starting point is 00:12:51 And not to mention that they're the driving force behind that iconic shop pay button that's used by millions of businesses around the world. It's time to turn the those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash yMH. Go to shopify.com slash ymh. That's Shopify.com slash ymage. Isn't this wild gym? I think you and I grew up in a different world.
Starting point is 00:13:20 Oh, way different. We're like way. Way different. And what's scarier is how people try to, than certain people try to convince me. I'm the nut. Yeah. You're an asshole.
Starting point is 00:13:32 They're not. You're insensitive. You're not inclusive because you think that this is fucked up. For the hundreds of thousands of years of like a male bug with the female bug, a male tree with the female tree and this. Now we're like, no, it's non-binary. And I'm not going to determine what my child's affected. I'll let them pick in at three.
Starting point is 00:13:57 I'm pretty sure my three-year-old's gay. because when I stick my pinky in there he kind of likes it That's how I clean it And he puts the faith Oh my God Oh You're anti-baby lover
Starting point is 00:14:09 What That's a baby lover Yeah Yeah That's pretty fucking wild Well it's also one of these too Uh Well we won't go there
Starting point is 00:14:21 No go there But I'll say this I'm Mr. Rabbit Hole I'm always like this Let's go And I'll come back I'm like Okay
Starting point is 00:14:27 So you notice how Everyone was transgender. Is it their kids? Or did they adopt them to start hitting them when they were younger? Let's start with Woody Allen. Okay? Gets his kid. He hits his own kid.
Starting point is 00:14:39 Everyone's like, he's genius. No one's talking about the fact that he... Oh, get the Chinese kid. Dumbang, dang, dang. You ever notice the most biggest people in power just happened? All right. I've said enough. You're right.
Starting point is 00:14:57 I'm a conspiracy theorist. That's the way I left the business a long time. ago I didn't see nothing. Yeah. It's fucking crazy. Why don't we talk about this all the time that Woody Allen married his fucking stepdaughter, bro? Yeah, when do you think that start? You ever hear the, um, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:12 People just don't talk about it. That was, yes, former stepdaughter, okay. Wait a minute, what about the little Asian kid? He started tapping that he adopted. Wait, isn't that her? Is that her? That's what I can't see. I don't have my glasses on.
Starting point is 00:15:26 That's Sunni Previn. And yes, he, when he was, he was, was with the wife, you know, Miss Mia Farrow, they adopted, I think, this child. Child. Child. So he was the father for a while, and then they divorced, and then he was like, well, it's just still kind of hot. It's kind of hot, and I used to change you, and I used to watch her dress, so
Starting point is 00:15:46 then you can start, you know. Could you imagine? Taping that and put her in my movies. It's like kind of a double win. And Hollywood still respects me. Yo. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:01 He's genius. He's a genius. His work is incredible. He's a genius. Aren't all psychos work? Absolutely incredible. Well, too, and if you look at the theme of his movies, which I do, it's usually the theme of middle-aged man finds redemption through young pussy.
Starting point is 00:16:19 Neurotic young Jew finds redemption through what? Pussy? It's the same fucking thing. I don't know. My world is so crazy. Crazy. Yeah, and then he's, I don't know. I guess I'll fuck my stepdaughter.
Starting point is 00:16:35 Yeah. I'll adopt a girl from China and then I'll bang her when my wife isn't around. I'll groom her. And then when she's not around, I'll play my donkey. I'm a genius. I'm a genius. They love playing with their donkey. They love it.
Starting point is 00:16:53 It's a good donkey. I didn't know that was inappropriate. Can't believe I got caught. I love your donkey sound. Yeah, don't you find too? Like all these fucking creeps in the Epstein files. And like, this is just a lack of self-control, bro. Like, be a fucking human.
Starting point is 00:17:15 What is this? Well, that also just shows you how, well, I don't know how far you've gone with the Epstein stuff. But I was looking at it. it seems like when COVID hit a lot of things hit the internet and there were all these other little places to go now I knew already just from SNL and stuff like that just things were weird
Starting point is 00:17:47 tell me tell me I would see I would see I want to hear this one time I saw a young male hooker you know what I can't by fact say it was a hooker allegedly allegedly it was a a young man and I remember going home to my wife going I don't know if this teenager
Starting point is 00:18:07 was of age what I just saw like I don't know she's like what happened he came in and he's like he's walking down the hall and he's clearly yeah not a not a baseball
Starting point is 00:18:20 not a you get the point yeah and he goes I'm looking for a Kevin Space's room Kevin Space's room Camus spaces Yes You know and then you hear like
Starting point is 00:18:35 Oh my god Is this legal Like whoa What's going on Yeah Amongst Amongst other I just couldn't believe
Starting point is 00:18:51 How the public had no clue About so many just so many people in general it's really it's really I tell you what Jim I'm one of those people that I'm a little naive and I didn't I didn't really know either
Starting point is 00:19:09 like yeah I've been in showbiz like I worked on I was not on SNL so I feel like you really were in the heart of darkness probably on a lot of stuff I saw some stupid shit which is why I live here and my circle's pretty clean like the people I kick it with are not we're not doing anything
Starting point is 00:19:26 Right. Mine are still who I grew up with. Same, the same friends I've had since I was 14 fucking years old and then comics that I've known for 20 some years. Correct. I know I still have everyone that grew up on the street with me in Long Island. Yeah. And then my high school. And then even, I don't even, yeah, that's really the main core. Because they're the ones always going to be honest. That's so important. They're the ones things start to happen.
Starting point is 00:19:52 You know, my friend was like, we've got new shoes now? Yeah. Oh, like, wear, like, bright colors all the side. You're like, hey, I do one podcast all of a big shot. You think you're better than me? Yeah, I got that. Do I really look different? Yeah, it's a little shiny.
Starting point is 00:20:08 All right. I know, because your real friends do not fucking care. No, they don't care. They don't fucking care about any of this. You're still, I'm still fat Jimmy. When did you get not fat? Um, I, uh, when I started discovering girls. So this is, this is around.
Starting point is 00:20:26 puberty. Yeah. Puberty. I was like, I'm only seen to be getting the Filipino chick Josephine who's cute, but I need to expand my variety here. That is such a type, dude. That's so funny.
Starting point is 00:20:45 You just like, that's such a type. I know what you're talking about. It's that one girl who's not, she's not like unfortunate, like she's not ugly. She's not like, she's not like, oh,
Starting point is 00:20:56 that everybody wanted to bang. Probably bleep out. That was a real person. My was Joseph. Yeah. Should we be saying these people's last names? I know. Like I already threw out fat people's names
Starting point is 00:21:11 when they were a kid. They could be traumatized. They might have, something horrible might have happened. I was like, oh, it's a fat child. Yeah. She brought me back to it.
Starting point is 00:21:20 Sorry. So you saw the semi-hot Filipino chick and you were like. She liked me. I can do better. Oh, oh. No, she liked. me and I just knew I'm like I'm not gonna be able to keep this up I got to step up okay and we never we never
Starting point is 00:21:33 and I was too shy I was way too shy I was extremely shy yeah extremely shy I'm not good with okay are how long have you been have you married 32 years yeah oh shit oh shit yeah that's why I said you're where you're at in life yeah tell me once they hit well boys I don't really know I think I think boys are going to gravitate to you. Yes. Because that's usually the law. The law is... Yes.
Starting point is 00:22:02 The girls turn on mom in the teenage years. Yeah. And then their next plan is divide and conquer. They basically become politicians and the news. Did you hear what's going on with dad? Yeah, when you're not around, I'm just saying, Ma, you might want to keep an eye and now. He's getting a little crazy. You know, like, what's going on?
Starting point is 00:22:22 Oh, yeah. He's always saying thing? Like, what's going on? Mom's crazy. Really? Yeah. His package is showing up every day. Like she has an addiction when you leave the house.
Starting point is 00:22:33 What? Does she ask you about the donation? She gives the church? How much does she give? Like, yeah. Yeah, I'm the same. Like, I've been with the same dude for, like, since before Myspace. Do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:22:47 Like before internet. Well, so you too, 32. Me too. I'm like 22 years. I was married on Saturday Live. No way. Was that hard because you were like famous, newly famous and young and
Starting point is 00:22:58 here's why it's hard yeah it was hard and easy at the same time easy because it really she helped I'm very loyal so before even Saturday Live she would go on this journey with me
Starting point is 00:23:14 everywhere so when I was playing in New York City we couldn't afford parking in a garage and doing seven eight sets so she would wait outside the club you know try to roll up on third street, McDougall, and then I'd come off stage, hop in a car,
Starting point is 00:23:31 and then we drive uptown in New York, go to you up there, turn it, and this would go every weekend until 3, 4 a.m. And we drive back to Long Island. We had 200 bucks when we got married. Same with Tom and I, literally, which is, yes, that's that exact amount.
Starting point is 00:23:46 And as we were counting the money when we got married, we were like, oh my God, we're up to $5,000. And the first thing we did is get rid of all our credit, And then we started over. And my car got stolen. So when we woke up for the wedding, right? This is really funny.
Starting point is 00:24:07 The night before, my best friends, we went out one last time. I still had all my toxes. And I had my honeymoon stuff, which is really sad and pathetic where we went. Where'd you go? So I couldn't afford anything. and I knew she liked horses. So one gig I did was this place called the Rocking Horse Ranch in upstate New York.
Starting point is 00:24:36 It's not like Montana. Yeah, yeah. Whereas 10 grand a person and you're eating three meals. This is family round table. It's not a honeymoon place. Yeah. She liked horses. It would be great.
Starting point is 00:24:51 So it was like 700 bucks. Spending a lot for a honeymoon. It's a fortune when you're... This is just hope you know what you're getting. Yeah. So, we parked the car. The next morning, I wake up. And I'm like, now, thank God.
Starting point is 00:25:10 Thank God for my friend Phil the night before. He's like, you're going to grab the toxins in the stuff and bring up to your room. I'm like, I'm not... No one's taking anything. Who's taking anything? He's like, I'm going to bring the toxins just in case. well thank God he did that because the next day we walked out
Starting point is 00:25:29 and I'm like No Is the Why are we parked right here? No dude Yeah yeah yeah And I'm like wait Where's my car
Starting point is 00:25:38 Oh my God And thank Thank guy he took the tuxes out And I called my wife that day I'm like are you sitting down She's like are you backing out Like no But the car got stolen
Starting point is 00:25:50 It's like oh yeah I don't worry about it I'm like don't worry about it I took a car Yeah Yeah so I found it a couple days later. They trashed it.
Starting point is 00:25:59 They went to White Castle. They went to dance clubs. But they didn't take the tennis records, which explained a lot about them. I'm just saying they weren't into tennis. That's all they left. Just White Castle. That's all they left is one. Nibbler's.
Starting point is 00:26:15 Wow. Yeah. Dude, you already know what time it is. It's time to level up because Blue Choo just dropped something crazy. I'm talking next level, supercharged, elevators. without any hesitation. Blue-chew gold is the newest innovation from the number one chewable ED brand. This isn't the same little blue pill your grandpa was popping. We're talking two ingredients for blood flow to keep that thing pumping, mixed with apomorphine and oxytocin,
Starting point is 00:26:43 turn up the arousal and connection in your brain and body. Blue-chew gold dissolves under your tongue and works in just 15 minutes. That means you can get it on quicker and stay in the game longer. Forget Netflix and chill. It's time to Netflix and fill her up. I'm telling you, it really works. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at Bluetooth.com. We've got a special deal for our listeners. Get 10% off your first month, Bluechew Gold with code YMH.
Starting point is 00:27:13 That's code YMH. Visit BluDotu.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Bluechu for sponsoring the podcast. Wow, 32. She really loves you. I mean, for a woman to do that. She's been loyal, so when S&L came along, you know, you'd see a sitcom hottie
Starting point is 00:27:35 or a musician hottie. Yeah. And I wouldn't think of it until someone would come along and go, hey, so-and-so just asked how married are you. I'm like, are you serious right now? I could have had that. But that's all just in your head.
Starting point is 00:27:53 And you go, oh, God, thank God. I never, thank God. Thank God. Because we've had quite a journey already. Yes. I'm really loyal, too. That's, I think, well, my mother would be like, you are too loyal. We're the anomalies and like Burton Lee and Kreischer have been together forever.
Starting point is 00:28:12 There's not a lot of people that have. No. I just don't have the desire. To destroy your life. To destroy my life. Not only that, but I also grown up young, like I said, I had a lot of nieces. and nephews and stuff. So we were a very close family.
Starting point is 00:28:29 And the first time I watched a divorce go down, I was with my sister. And I saw the effects from my nieces that were only two years younger than me. It was like my sisters. And that, even though I was an uncle, it was very traumatizing for me to watch those girls. go through that emotion and I saw it was all from the beginning of a broken home that started
Starting point is 00:29:02 very ugly you know he was I don't know it's not for me to say but like he yeah it wasn't a pretty picture he got a little crazy for whatever reasons that he was going through in life but to witness it was pretty intense and then you know there was one other one where sister and that broken up and the father was never round for those kids and so I the people closest to me I saw the effects of broken families yeah it's the worst and I was like I would never do this to my kids fucking never and like I've had the step parents I've had a few pairs now I think my dad's on his fourth my fourth mom my fourth step mommy I don't even know anymore and like it sucks it's Never, it's okay.
Starting point is 00:29:55 Well, yeah, that's not great. So, like, even when I go visit my nieces and our whole life is going over there and we play forever and then now it's like stepkids are in here like, oh no, I got to, who are them? Who are you? Who are these two kids? Yeah. Well, not only that, like you find that when they divorced, my parents divorced, and then they would just remarry the same person essentially, different form, same shit, different
Starting point is 00:30:21 toilet over and over. they hadn't done any kind of work on themselves in between it. So even if you do blow your life up, you're just going to marry the same fucking bitch, which is what I tell Tom Sigura all the time. I love you. I love you, dummy, you're mine. I will not divorce.
Starting point is 00:30:37 Like, I will never fucking. Right. I would, no. And so how do you guys work out things? Never. What do you mean, work out? I tell him what it is. It is what I tell him.
Starting point is 00:30:49 Well, because clearly you go through extremely hard times especially parenting yeah it's drag it fucks up your marriage yeah who's the good cop um you're the good cop
Starting point is 00:31:03 or is he the good cop with the kids no we switch places on that but he's more a good cop yeah he's more a good cop yeah yeah well you're gonna have serious issues once they're teenagers because they become more of uh they they're gonna go to him to fucking finagle out
Starting point is 00:31:21 like officer listen that bitch in the other room is unreasonable she's crazy you know that you know that you see the way she talks to you yeah you see the way she talks to you and dad we're always like
Starting point is 00:31:34 mom shouldn't talk to you that way I'm so disrespectful you're a good human you're not bad you're never best and she's just like you see what she says to her friends I know
Starting point is 00:31:45 I know I know I know fuck that listen but this could have been you okay just watch this and see if this is something like an apparel
Starting point is 00:31:52 universe this could have been you. Ready? Girls, come in. Yes, daddy. This is Brenda, aka Bluefi, one. This is Samantha.
Starting point is 00:32:03 Gay Bean, two. This is Adriana, aka age, three. I control my three partners 24-7. Age?
Starting point is 00:32:15 Age. Age? And like... I control... Well, hold on. Let's see. You have to learn more. My husband is Scott,
Starting point is 00:32:22 who has not one, but two girlfriends. We've been together now for over 10 years. We were married for nine. We had actually talked about bringing other women into a relationship pretty often throughout our relationship, even from the beginning. And we wanted to figure out how to best make our relationship work.
Starting point is 00:32:39 Whatever daddy wants, daddy gets. Oh, and she's never had a penis. She's full-blown. I met a daddy seven years ago. Dada. I actually worked at the same company. I met Daddy in October of 2023, and we met online. I have not been in a relationship of this kind.
Starting point is 00:32:57 And me neither. Daddy was my first real relationship altogether. So first time for everything. That's, that's, she was a boy. She was a boy. There's no way that voice is real. That was a boy. Which one?
Starting point is 00:33:09 Hold on. These are machines. These are like, these kids were shipped in. They had to pick off that penis. Let's put it out there, put it in the public eye. We got it. We're really killing with this propaganda. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:33:20 Is this a show? No, this is a life. This is a real life. From where, though, because it's film professional? Hold on, hold on. Yeah, what is this like from? What is this from, Josh? Okay.
Starting point is 00:33:32 They have a YouTube channel, I think? Here, let me pull it up for you. Yeah, brought to you on YouTube. Jim Brewer has a YouTube channel. And just how crazy they have 40 million followers. How'd that happen? Oh, soon we will control, we'll control all the genders.
Starting point is 00:33:52 It will control the minds of Americans and then some. Do you think this is the show Do you think this is Hollywood controlling? Yes. Yeah. This is the propaganda of just bang whoever, do whatever. This is exactly.
Starting point is 00:34:07 Love don't judge because if you don't agree with this, you're judgmental, you're a piece of shit. Yeah. I will gladly be the piece of shit and judgmental. Him maybe, what's it meant? The female, I don't buy one bitch, she's a female a whole life. The one.
Starting point is 00:34:24 Carol, that talks like that. That was a boy's voice that they changed. There's no way. I've been with Daddy Valteria. Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da is my first one of the shop. And you'll never guess like I get unlimited lattes for doing this YouTube channel at Starbucks. And if I don't make it on this show, I get to be one of the people that make it because they accept my kind. But I don't want to change my hair.
Starting point is 00:34:53 I don't want to change my hair. I like the color. Dada? Wait, so wait. So, Daddy has just these three pigs that he's with. Who else is he? So it's these three. These are my three slaves that volunteered.
Starting point is 00:35:06 There's more. So, yeah, this is a channel. It's a show all about people in crazy relationships. So this was just one episode of that. Is this where we're at as a society? Is there really anyone at home bored going, no. No. Wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:35:22 This is the show I've been waiting for. It's a show I've been. waiting for. You're talking about you. I love this stuff. I love this. I love watching this. Well, because I mean, I get so disappointed because I get faked out. But I do think these three are just in like a weird sex thing, right? This is just like some weird. It's a weird. Yeah, it's called drug them, show them pornography, steal them, mind control them. Oh, that's what's going on here. This guy? Daddy? This is, this is prefer. There's no way. This is real. There's no way. Okay, more.
Starting point is 00:35:55 Let's see more. Do we have more? I only have this short. I control my three partners 24-7. Wait, go back. I want to see if there's Adam apples on any of them. 24-7. Their outfits are fully approved.
Starting point is 00:36:09 Everyone is location tracked. I have access to all of their messages, all of their communications. They need approval to eat. Oftentimes, they'll eat out of dog bowls. This is a copy of the contract that they all have with me. I was absolutely willing to. do so. I'm here to serve him and that's part of my service. I don't worry about
Starting point is 00:36:28 losing my independence. I don't think I really even think about my independence. It doesn't mean much to me. So is this like Israel and America? It sounds like the same thing. We control everything the way they trust. We listen everything they say and we will determine what goes on with their lives.
Starting point is 00:36:45 Yes, you've heard it straight. But honestly, too, I mean, doesn't this sound like an absolute nightmare as a man to deal with three broads and to control them all the time. And here's what you're going to wear. I don't want to pick out my kids' clothing.
Starting point is 00:36:59 Why would I want to pick out another adult's clothing every day? I don't have a desire to control anything or anybody. My wife spent years trying to control our teenage daughters. It was a dye zest her. And just there's still repercussions of her like, oh, my God, that was bad. It's okay, we're back in it. We're back in it. No.
Starting point is 00:37:26 Yeah, no. These people need to have kids. Just be, see, I think this is an argument for, like, the traditional life. Because if you do get married and have kids to deal with in a job and a life, you're not putting callers on girls and calling them daddy. And you know what I mean? Like, you need a fucking direction, man. Dude. People need a fucking direction.
Starting point is 00:37:47 We all need to live, like, in Africa in the bush for, like, two months to get back to what. real humanity supposed to be. Oh, that's a great idea. There's no chipping. There's no social media. They don't know about anything. They don't, you drop our president's name. They're like,
Starting point is 00:38:04 Alua, you know, the guy, the guy. Hey, hey. The guy's right here. We got it. And they just, they live life. It's normal. It's normal.
Starting point is 00:38:16 A boy, girl, he hunts. She's like putting beads together. There's no collars. There's no, there's no dad. going, where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going? I put tracker on you.
Starting point is 00:38:29 I know. It's so great. We've lost our minds. We've lost our fucking minds. We have gender fluid, dogs. And he's not that cute. He's not a catch. That's what really kills me is that this guy is not a fucking catch. Well, because what you don't see is the nine millimeter he's got
Starting point is 00:38:45 under the sweatshirt. That's what my husband always says about these types, but there's no way. You think this guy's packing a hog? Yeah, I mean, look at the happiness in his eyes. he's just he's so happy and look at her him her I'm buying for one bit she didn't have an Adam's apple no disrespect to her but I have a lot of questions that's all
Starting point is 00:39:04 so much time so much time to dedicate to their sex lives I could you even imagine having this much time to dedicate to just being horny it's like it's a fucking 24-7 horny job it's a lot it's a lot of investment to put in your donkey and I mean That's what I mean It's all you're doing
Starting point is 00:39:25 I mean my guy He whistles Once he whistles He's good for a while Right Right Shang Pang
Starting point is 00:39:34 Okay That'll hold me over For like nine days Exactly You don't even have to look at You go on It's out a 24-7 cycle Who can do that
Starting point is 00:39:45 Of like I'm gotta fuck I gotta fuck again I gotta think about Fucking now Now I got I got dress her To fuck her later
Starting point is 00:39:51 I got to put the collar on I got to feed her out of a dog bowl so I can fuck her later. Like, what do we, what is this? What is this? Anyway, Jim Berr. And you watch this? I don't. I will.
Starting point is 00:40:01 I will. I want to watch the gay hockey players. Gay hockey players? Yeah, I tell you, I'm really into gay guys making out lately. I don't know. We've been watching, you want to see some clips? Do we have some to show you? Hold on.
Starting point is 00:40:13 Dang. Show some clips, Josh. So you know, just so you know what I'm talking about. I want you to have some context. Do you have those, Josh, so on them? From heated rivalry or just other stuff? No, just other fun stuff. Just let Jim see what I'm into these days.
Starting point is 00:40:27 Do you watch pornography at all? No. I used to a long time ago. Yeah. But that's another thing. What happens is you, it's worse than heroin, and it does disease your mind. And what happens is you go, why doesn't my wife like being strangled and have her hair pulled as I put you in the temple? What is wrong with that?
Starting point is 00:40:53 No, I know what you're saying, because I do think, listen, am I a Puritan? No, but I do think that young men are being influenced by pornography and they don't know how to just have regular time sex. If you're seeing that, like, in your 10 or 11 years old and you think that's like the norm, that's fucking crazy. It is crazy, but that is the norm now. I mean, everything is sold through sex.
Starting point is 00:41:17 Fuck. I watch this, I'm really into Johnny Cash, right? So I saw he had a TV show in I think the late 60s. And I'm looking at all these shows in the 60s that had musicians. And they're just singing. They're just singing. Right. It's just like so innocent.
Starting point is 00:41:38 When mom made me biscuits, I love the gravy. We're sitting on the back porch enjoying light. And how do we go from that to just like, I know I know I know my pose I know
Starting point is 00:41:58 smack it smack it put it in there put it in there smack it put some money on it pull it shoot it
Starting point is 00:42:04 shoot it put it in there and shoot it well also what's crazy is that it's sold as female empowerment right like if I'm empowered I should be able to do
Starting point is 00:42:14 what boys do and I could suck dicks just like and it's like yeah but that's not really the I don't know
Starting point is 00:42:21 Is that what true empowerment is If I can do things that dudes can do the same way they do them Is that who we really are as women? Yeah That I can be like, My pussy's so wet, I'm sucking dicks I don't fucking want to do that though I'm not sure that's the path for us
Starting point is 00:42:37 No, it was... I don't know What are we into? We're not into that. I don't, I'm not going to brag About sucking D's and stuff I don't know, dude You and I are like the most uptight people
Starting point is 00:42:49 How are we comedians? It's you're morally grounded. Oh, right, yeah. That's true. Okay, here's what I'm into. There's a big difference. Wait a second. Just see if you could go there with me, Jim.
Starting point is 00:42:59 You guys, get off your asses and back to work. Come on, man. We're taking a break. Fuck your break. There's 15 cars here that need to be serviced. Now get back to it. Listen here, fucker. The only thing needs servicing around here is our cocks.
Starting point is 00:43:11 So get on your knees and beg, like a bitch. What? What? What? What? Do it. serious right now. Bao chikwaw wau
Starting point is 00:43:26 wow wow wow, pow chikwau wow wow, chow wow. I love that. And I'm into black dudes doing it. Do you have any black guys? Really?
Starting point is 00:43:35 Yeah, I don't know what happened. We've been watching these clips because Annie loves them. He's always asking us to show them. Who is? Any are a sound guy here. Sound guy? Nope.
Starting point is 00:43:45 He's always into it. Eddie's suspect to me right now. No. Show one. Let's show one that any loves. Which one you love? Any or Eddie? Any.
Starting point is 00:43:54 Eni. Any. Yeah. What kind of name is Annie? He makes it up. He's very suspicious. Any? He has like...
Starting point is 00:44:04 That's such a new name. He has so many aliases and... Oh, here we go. This is something Annie said too. Here we go. What? Just give hope and hearts. Please.
Starting point is 00:44:13 Can someone set up a fart male white orgy for free for me? Can they invite me somewhere at least? I still don't get a fart male white porn. But please, get someone to invite me to a free... fart mail orgy. I live in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Please, I'm addicted to the fart male whites, porn. I mean, I'm addicted to a group of fart males, a white guy's fart in my face.
Starting point is 00:44:36 Please wear jeans and gray sweat pants. You wear jeans and great. I wish to get somebody to fart. Hold on. Aren't you touring right now? Aren't you going to be in Pennsylvania? I am going through Pennsylvania. I tell you what, I fart a lot.
Starting point is 00:44:50 And I'm at the age where it just comes out. My crew can't stand me. Like, they have to be nice to me. I know. But I just walk and it comes out and I don't care. Tom does the same thing. He tortures all of our employees, the staff. But I don't even do it on purpose.
Starting point is 00:45:05 I'm just like, my, the strength of the muscles just, I'm 58. Who are you telling it to? I know. I've had two children. They come right out. I don't give shit. I'm why I don't give a shit. But where is your life?
Starting point is 00:45:19 Think of all the exciting things that you can do in your lifetime. what is going on in your surroundings that the thing that most excites you is to find a white guy that will fart near your face. I would say that life is pretty damn easy because you found the thing that makes you so happy. Like if it were that simple. Like it makes you nuts. That's where your freak is. You're so happy though. You just see him walking in and you're going.
Starting point is 00:45:51 Oh, God. Oh, yeah. did you eat onions today oh god wow that'd be great that guy's so happy now how is you how do you feel what is one of your kids
Starting point is 00:46:05 you come home you come home and you like unspinosa kids 14 and he's been he's found mom's mom's stash you said you're the one that likes washing this
Starting point is 00:46:16 and then tons could be like do you see what went now you see what you created you found your stash because what happened to me was I found We found Phil's dad's tape. Changed the whole course of life.
Starting point is 00:46:27 Phil's dad's tape. Now, one of your kids find his tape, and he's sitting there and there's some black guy farting in his face. Hey, Mom! Wait. Sorry. Can I just change your mind about Phil's dad's tape? Do you realize that Phil's dad
Starting point is 00:46:41 J's his D to that porn? So essentially you guys were jaying your D's to the same porn that Phil's dad Jay did his D's here. Yeah, but it was pretty good. It was like Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders and stuff. It was a whole, we were like, it's not as good as this, though. I saw what you had up.
Starting point is 00:46:59 Show him what you had up. Show him, Jim. Oh, God, almighty. What? I'm already frightened. What? What's his bra? He's wearing a bra.
Starting point is 00:47:16 Oh, God. This should be the new fear factor. Can I get one? I get kicked off immediately. If this was your first chance, forget forget bugs and maggots. Like, you gotta suck the black guy's face. Any guy's face.
Starting point is 00:47:34 I'm out. You guys gotta suck face for 30 seconds. I'm out. That's it? I don't even want my hat. I don't need my hat and I don't need my goodies and my gum. I'm out. Listen, challenge accepted.
Starting point is 00:47:46 Here, here, let's see this. Maybe I needed to switch the tone. I think I upset you a little bit. Let's watch this. Just watch this. What happened? You hit a few cars, huh? Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:47:56 I know how we can get out of this. No. Look what she's doing. What is she? Are you okay? What's wrong? Nothing. Did you hit a few cars?
Starting point is 00:48:08 Did you hit a few cars? No. Are you sure? Your car looks pretty banged up. You mean an ambulance? Do you see what she was doing there? Was she, what'd she hide under there? She's huffing.
Starting point is 00:48:21 Look, look. Look, let's start her to get. She's hoffing? Look, dude. She's got fucking, what is that, disc cleaner? You hit a few cars, huh? She's huffing. Josh, what is that?
Starting point is 00:48:36 She's huffing. What is that? Is that how you get high? Yeah, it's like duster, like computer duster. Yeah, like dust. Like, you know when you clean your keyboard? Yeah. People like huff it.
Starting point is 00:48:48 Like, you huff it. But I thought you passed out from huffing that stuff. She's staying loose. I think you will if she crashed the car, right? Yeah, she's dying soon She's trying to equalize Whatever happened is just going out in the front yard And spin yourself to death
Starting point is 00:49:03 Until you lay down and you're spinning for 40 minutes That's what this is times 10 But imagine getting there without the spinning Jim, you're not seeing the positives to this This is true. I didn't see that Why don't you see the fun? I don't know how I missed sucking dry cleaner dust
Starting point is 00:49:19 People did Hold on Let's see what But this is what happens when you have broken up families. That's a little, that might not be safe to use for consumption. It was such a big. This your house? Oh my.
Starting point is 00:49:36 Dang. You just want to be helpful. What happened? Oh shit. She's dad, dude. Damn. You just saw this chick died. She just passed away.
Starting point is 00:49:46 Damn. See that? He just lost conscience. And that's why I'm loyal to my wife. I know. That's going to be... I know. Listen, I don't even know if I'm like, moral.
Starting point is 00:50:00 I'm scared of life. I'm afraid of stuff like this. I'm afraid. I've seen people do this in high school. This was big in my high school in the valley. That? Yeah, like disc cleaner, like CD discs back in the day. I've never even heard of this.
Starting point is 00:50:13 Yeah. People would huff it. Like, I remember one time this boy did it in front of Tower Records. And then he passed out on the grass. And then I thought it was so cool. We started dating like a couple months later. It's like the opposite of Goodfellas. He's bringing him through the kitchen.
Starting point is 00:50:28 Here's the table in the front. You see the guy going, Yeah. This guy's, whatever. But yeah, that was big. Drinking Robitussin. Did you ever do that? You drink a whole bottle.
Starting point is 00:50:40 It's called roboing. Did you ever do that any? Oh, of course. That's a valley. Were your parents around grown up? What happened? Look at me, do you think? I'm in comedy.
Starting point is 00:50:49 No, the worst parents ever. Wait, what happens when you drink the whole bottle of Robiton? I mean, you just get fucked up. It's like getting drunk, basically. It's a super drunk. You might start seeing shit if you take enough. It's the big one. It tastes like, extra strong one.
Starting point is 00:51:04 Nasty syrup. It's like, mm, it's delicious. Why not just drink the real thing? Well, because robatustin's got like different chemicals, right? Like, it's a mix of, um, there's some other shit in there. I don't know. It's fun. The scientific research.
Starting point is 00:51:22 I just, I just never got you fucking tus, dude. I never went there. I never had to, I never went there. Did you huff? Did you do this? No, I never did it, no. I don't know why I just always knew. It was like crack. I just knew you're not supposed to do that one.
Starting point is 00:51:35 Well, did you guys ever do whippets? Come on. Not in anything that would, that I'd see other people in their eyes go like, I'm like, yeah, I'm out. But wippets are fun. They're very short term and you just kind of wop, wop, and then you're out.
Starting point is 00:51:53 And then you're out. And then you've killed all your brain cells, I have no desire Once my You don't get high? Yeah, that's different Oh, but you take If you smoke weed
Starting point is 00:52:01 You're not going Unless it's laced with something But unless you're a dumbass And you bought it from the guy Behind the dumpster these days And you're like, oh This guy just met him And like
Starting point is 00:52:14 Okay, well here Did you go to college? Did you go to college? For like an hour Yeah, I feel like you're I feel like My mom really wanted me to fall back on something. And so I was really good, believe it or not, at accounting,
Starting point is 00:52:32 which I wanted nothing to do with. Of course. Yeah. Oh, my God. So I did great. I went to community college. And I went, man, I'm going to go into acting. I want to go straight up acting and I'm going to start doing the stand-up again. And I'll never forget this. The guy, I'm failing horrendously. Don't want to be here. And the guy goes, okay, this is the last day for anyone that wants to change
Starting point is 00:53:00 their major. If you don't change it today, if you're failing, you get an F, you fail. If you change your major today, you get withdraw. And as he was saying, I got up. I swear I got, I put my bags on.
Starting point is 00:53:17 Deuses, bro. And he's going, Brewer, what are you doing? Sit down. I went, this is the last day? Yeah, like I meant. He thought I was kidding the whole time. Even in the doorway, he's like, sit down. The classroom's howling.
Starting point is 00:53:28 True is so funny. That's what I'm going. And I walked right to the theater department. Good for you. Good for you. Well, I'm sorry, then I must have been confused because I remember like in your S&L days, I think college boys loved you. Yeah, like when you were in S&L?
Starting point is 00:53:46 They did. That was your jam, like your demo. People, yeah, they're under the impression. I was a frat boy. That's right. That's what I thought. But I'm not a frat boy. Not at all.
Starting point is 00:54:00 And now that I get to know you, I'm like, oh. So where'd that come from? I don't. It's, you know, not until, I don't know. Just sketches, whatever. I don't know what you're like, I'm right. Are you drinking? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:54:14 Because you did Goat Boy. Yeah, they just loved you. I think they're silly. It was all survival, to be honest with you. Of course. It was like peshy. goat boy and like one or two other things but that but yeah I had this frat boy like image but I was I was the furthest thing from it who cares as long as they love you and they did so did you
Starting point is 00:54:35 I was going to say it if you were in a frat no if you did this here check this this out oh and I'll tell you about frats okay you ever done this one oh god oh no yeah dude what a fucking asshole is there? What is he? It's lime. Well, I went. How pissed are you? I went to, I'll tell you why, first of why, I never had desired to be in a fraternity, but in high school, Valley Stream Central High. Valley Stream Central.
Starting point is 00:55:29 Long Island. Okay. I didn't know this, but there were. fraternities in our school. It was Omega. It was... In high school? Yes. Alpha.
Starting point is 00:55:42 How? And Omega. It got me. I thought it was normal. And during the hazing weeks, because my neighbor was a haze, he was a head of Omega, he was a hazer. And he would come over and talk about hell nights. Like, oh, man, we beat the shit out of it. Brian McDaniel he last night, man.
Starting point is 00:56:02 He ain't going to be walked for three weeks. I took off one of his nuts sacks. I mean, yeah, and we had pins on it. We're now like, oh, wow, all for a jacket. So you get to wear your jacket. Wow, sign me up. And then another one, they would say, oh, we'd be going to the bathroom. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:22 And they'd be like a million guys doing push-ups in the hallway. What is going on? And then they would light off M-80s. Did you do that, Josh? Josh was in a fraternity. Did you do all this shit? A little less than that. We weren't doing the explosives and all that, but same vibe for sure.
Starting point is 00:56:39 Yeah. So you go in the bathroom and in the stall, you're like, oh my God. And people are running out. Like, oh, yeah, it's hell weak or whatever. I was like, yeah, I don't think I need to be. Yeah, it's not for you. It's not for you.
Starting point is 00:56:55 I'm cool. You don't have to do that shot. Oh, my God, Ta. Yeah. I thought, I don't know, I'm a masculine. It comes natural from a... Naturala. Tell me about your channel.
Starting point is 00:57:09 First of all, you're touring right now. You should get tickets right now to see Jim on tour, find the funny tour. He's got a tour best and everything. Like, it's official. Shit is on. It's official. It's so official, bro.
Starting point is 00:57:21 We've got two kids on my... The kid filming me is 19. It's not wild. That exists? You're like, how are you 19? I'm posting this today. And I want to... to make sure if this okay for your storyline?
Starting point is 00:57:36 What? What's my storyline? It's like, oh, my gosh, that's very important. Yeah, it's a cool tour. That's cool. That's kind of fun, right? Being a road dog. I haven't done this in a long time.
Starting point is 00:57:48 I haven't done it like 20 years. I mean, I've been around and I've done runs, but not like 50 cities in two and a half months. Wow. Well, you're such a great comic. You guys really should go see him when he's in your town. is you're such a good stand-up comedian. It's so fun.
Starting point is 00:58:07 You're so fun to watch. Very animated, very storytelling. Yeah. Very storytelling. Very storytelling gets... Also, you've got your YouTube channel. Yeah. And that's another reason.
Starting point is 00:58:21 Like, I'll tar it out and I'd take a year and a half off. And I work on new production stuff, which I never got to do before by myself. Isn't that great? You don't even, like, need the establishment? Like, you can just do what you want to do now. I love it. I love it. Like, nobody tells me what to do.
Starting point is 00:58:38 Nobody tells you anywhere. Good for you. Good for you. That's so empowering. It's on powering. I look at the establishment. I go, do you,
Starting point is 00:58:52 are you familiar with TikTok? Are you on there? Yes, I got, yes. You got it? They took me down. They do that to me a lot. You have to just fight it. I didn't know what was going on.
Starting point is 00:59:03 You got to fight it. You got to fight the law. Because you know why? It's run by the Chinese. But it's also it's Squaresville. These fucking dorks on there will report you. If you make fun of stuff or what it don't be like, oh, mean language, hate language. I'm like, it's called comedy, you stupid piece of shit.
Starting point is 00:59:18 I still don't know what happened. I don't know. Are you off permanently or just in one fraction? I'd have to talk to kids. Have your 19 year old. Have your gen alpha, whatever kid. They're working on. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:29 So I don't know. And then we start a new channel. But yeah, no, I have TikTok, a rumble, an Xx. an X. I only present on one platform. Oh, you're doing the Rumble. That's a real wild frontier, isn't it? Again, so I will live stream every Tuesday.
Starting point is 00:59:46 On Rumble. Everywhere. Oh. 830, Easter, everywhere. If you have X, you have Facebook, Instagram, whatever. Well, I guess it's not an Instagram for whatever reason. I don't know what it less. But a live stream, they'll take all the clips and they put it everywhere.
Starting point is 01:00:02 That's awesome. Have fun. Yeah. Well, I like to be on TikTok. I like to highlight the marginalized communities. So these are the outliers people you may not get to see. Okay? I love it.
Starting point is 01:00:16 Got it. Ranking my ex-girlfriends. Judy, 5.10. She didn't give me what I wanted. Gloria, 7 out of 10. Made really good cookies, but snored loudly. Cynthia, 6 out of 10, smelled bad, but had a big. but Janet, two out of ten, strange and licked me 24-7.
Starting point is 01:00:38 Rosie, 11 out of 10, sugar mom, you were perfect and I miss you every day. Wow, I'm shocked that Rosie won this whole thing. I'm a little taken back by that, too. I wouldn't see Rosie coming in. No. I'd see more of that, the second one, kind of crushing it, kind of like a sneaky underground winner. Well, and the one that was like, oh, she licks me all the time.
Starting point is 01:01:01 You'd think that that would be something here. he specifically would be into. He just seems like that kind of a fella. He seems like he'd be anything into any kind of attention whatsoever, even a hello. But maybe that's just my judgment. My judgment. Look at Rosie. But she does look like she has a good personality. Yeah, those look at, she's, she's hanging too. It's going down. Bro, you're telling me. It's going down. I'm starting to get the chicken neck, but she's got chicken everything. She's chicken in it up. I know, but you know what?
Starting point is 01:01:36 The secret is you got to stay thin. So when you have the chicken skin, you got to stay skinny. That's what the Europeans do. You can't be fat. You just got to stay thin. You can't be a fatso. No. Not only just for your own health, but you never, if you're heavy and you get in an argument,
Starting point is 01:01:53 someone don't like you, you don't realize it, but in their head, you're now a fatso. When you turn on someone, you're like, fatso. fucking fatso. You're a fatso. Gosh, it's like we came full circle. Like, you're a fatso. Yeah. Would you say fatso?
Starting point is 01:02:10 Doesn't matter what your credential is. You can fucking try me, fatso. Yeah, yeah. Whatever, fatso. It's it. I just won the argument. I just destroyed it. Do you do peshy?
Starting point is 01:02:19 You do peshy, don't you? I don't. I mean, I used to. Yeah. But what happened is, I said, I'm doing pesci. And my kids, I'll be out in public and people like, hey, do Joe Pesci. I'm like, hey, listen, who's doing Joe Pesci?
Starting point is 01:02:32 What I don't mind doing Joe Pesci for? Who else is doing Joe Pesci? And my kids will go, who's Joe Pesci? Oh, no. He talks like this, little guy. Home alone, home alone. He said, home alone. You don't remember home alone?
Starting point is 01:02:48 Are you serious, Henry? Oh, there you go. Henry, I'm trying to bang this bro. Help me out. That's it. I'm trying to hell. That's it. I'm always there for you, Henry, and you don't fucking help me out.
Starting point is 01:02:59 Oh, it's perfect. And then he says. Get to fuck out. of here, Tommy. Get the fuck out of here, Tommy. Get the fuck out of here, Tommy. Karen. I'm sorry!
Starting point is 01:03:13 Karen. Karen. They got to arresting because they want to go to jail. Karen. That's so good. My favorite line, though, is what he goes, and I'm going to come back. You can fucking try me, fatso. Remember where he says that?
Starting point is 01:03:30 What's the line? Yes. It's such a power. Off the word fucking fatso. Yeah, you try me fatso. Try me, fatso. You got it. Okay, I'm just gonna show you two more
Starting point is 01:03:38 and then you gotta go because you gotta go see your friend Joseph. Yes. Okay, two more and then I'm gonna let you free. Hey, cut. Here's how you cut your hair end of the road. I know you're on your bus. $20.
Starting point is 01:03:47 $20.00. Never pay for hair cut again. Chipper, just do this. What do you think? 20 fucking dollars. 20 fucking dollars. It's Australian dollars. Look it, looks great.
Starting point is 01:04:00 Yeah, I look like I'm. look like I'm ready to join oasis do a comeback tour it looks awesome fucking perfect go out there fight some wallabies
Starting point is 01:04:14 go out there and find me one them puffers I ain't afraid of them little fuck fucks fucking size up of me see what happens with my new haircut I'm feeling it now
Starting point is 01:04:24 come on you dopey penguin I love it you could kind of do that if you mash down your bangs I'm gonna let my bangs grow a little longer. And then I'm going to do that.
Starting point is 01:04:35 Because I like that. It looks so tight on you, bro. Yeah, you're going to have to know jihitsu with a haircut like that, though. Because there's only so many comments you can take after three pints. You're like, what did you find? I fucking head it with your mouth.
Starting point is 01:04:51 But don't you feel like there's an age where you don't give a fuck in your levels of it and people just be like, yeah, but he's crazy. He's old. Just let him do it. That's where I'm at. That's where I'm at. Just why walking and fart. at the same time.
Starting point is 01:05:03 That's why I'm wearing a Bauhaus shirt. I'm dressed like a vampire. I don't give a fuck anymore. I got sweatpants on now. In the past, I'd be like, okay, it's just her, so I'm gonna, all right, I want her to be impressed. I'll wear a button-up shirt and, I don't like, I got. Not anymore, bro.
Starting point is 01:05:15 Do I have stains on here? Yeah, try me. Okay, one last one, fat so's. We can let you go. Fatso. Oh my God, look at his fatso. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. It's crab.
Starting point is 01:05:29 You like crab, right? Oh, my Lord. I think that's imitation. That's not the real. Probably help you wait. What? Is she laying down or sitting up? That's always a good question.
Starting point is 01:05:41 Crab. Crab. Yum, yum. It does look yummy. It looks fresh at least. And she can mash it up with her teeth, not teeth. No, that's imitation, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:55 She gave up a long time ago. A long time ago. She's sitting because I can see the curtains behind her. Wow. That's someone's grandmother right now. All right, would you rather, Jim? How much money? Would I rather what? Hold on. Oh, another piece of crab.
Starting point is 01:06:13 Now I'm thinking that's real crab. It could be. It might be real. Yeah, no, it could be. Would you... You have to live with her for a week. Okay. Or mouth, just mouth kiss, not tongue.
Starting point is 01:06:25 One of the gay guys with the bras. I'm going her. Thank you. Said enough. I'll figure it out. All right. We'll figure it out. Jim Brewer, I love you so much.
Starting point is 01:06:35 Thank you for coming. I wish I had way more time, too. I love you. You're just, will you come back again? That would be awesome if you let me. Yeah, of course. I could hang out here forever. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:06:43 You're absolutely the best and Tom would love you and we're going to have fun next time. Have a great time on your tour. Go see Jim Brewer now. He's not going to do this forever, you guys. He's coming to your town. Tickets for Find the Funny Tour at Jim Brewer. com and check out his YouTube page. Broya!
Starting point is 01:07:00 Brewer! I'm. I'm sorry meeting you. Oh, don't sure. I love you.
Starting point is 01:07:07 Okay, I'll feed this in. I love you. Mm-hmm. Well, want you to bite the end your dad's dick off?
Starting point is 01:07:17 The end your dad's kick off bite the end your dad's dick off your dad's dick fight
Starting point is 01:07:26 the end your dad's dick off dad's dick bite the end your dad's dick smear the
Starting point is 01:07:35 blood blood all over your face. Bite the dad dick, bite the dad's dick. Fight the dad dick. Bite the end, and... Bite the end of your dad dick. Fight the end your dick. Bite the end of your dad. Fight the end your dad.
Starting point is 01:07:53 Bite the end and your dad. Demere the... Smear the blood, blood all of your face.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.