Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Ian Bagg-Episode 91-Your Mom's House Podcast with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 17, 2016

Baby Jesus was born and so we celebrated and now we give you this: More laughs and good times with Canada's finest, Ian Bagg! We play amazing audio of two of the dumbest women alive - YEAH! Ian also shares what it's like to live where the sun never goes down - CRAZY. We talk about the state of comedy and we read the craziest email ever sent to us by one of Christina's family members! FYI - it's pretty offensive! Merry Christmas, bright light jeans!

in the room say it again oh there's a doggie in the room say it again there's a doggie in the room one more time there's a doggie in the room very good hello doggie jeans there's a little doggie jeans here there is a doggie here she's exploring sniffing and smelling smelling and sniffing won't you smell doggie jeans oh man what a great christmas we had this year i know goodness gracious wasn't yesterday something else it really was tom being with friends and family we're in florida so much fun and we have uh we're gonna have a great post christmas episode coming up in a few weeks when we get all this top dog charo and maria and jane audio all oh my goodness whittled down so all of your favorites coming back and we're gonna i mean

it's like a whole week with them yeah so there's tons of stuff coming up yeah yep absolutely um well we hope you had a great christmas if you celebrate that or a hanukkah or whatever the hell and we should did and whatever stuff you're into um and we have uh let's see well we're not we're hope you have a great new year um happy new year and uh next week we're back at it back on the road on the road on the road again so telling jokes to toothless men tell them whoa tell people where they can find me jeans all right mommy's 2013 i kick it off at the san jose improv january third through sixth at san jose california and then uh the next week kansas city the kansas city improv january 10 through 13 come see me and tell me where to eat ribs because i'm not sure where

to go where do you get ribs in kansas city you remember oh yeah there's a bunch of places there's let's see there's gates okay arthur bryance that's where i've been okay yeah that's where the real players get your ribs there's a lot of places but yeah definitely some good stuff um let's see uh i will be next week at the chicago improv in schomburg schomburg schomburg and then cleveland improv okay uh let's see january 24th through 27th and then joey's comedy club in levonia michigan just outside of the d yeah due to date swap 30th super february 2nd so come check out your boy and speaking of dates this has been up and we didn't even plug it i didn't realize that's why i wrote this down there um there's a poll on the site on your mom's house podcast

dot com that has a few cities listed all right we're polling people to see yes if they live in the area now here's what's important okay please if you were whoa those vibrational see i heard that that sounded very bad blue bands not on top of it um if you what is that it's still vibrating yeah is it too loud i think last night you put my levels way up really on my mic because my mic is way hotter than it usually is okay how's that that's fine i mean am i too loud now you're too loud now how about now your voice is so masculine and is that is that hurting your ears is that me how about now you're good am i good yeah i think so does it sound all right yeah okay that works all right well here's the oh it was weird again gene's alive what's going on what's going on our

secret guest is it might just be the headphones do you think secret guest it doesn't it doesn't feel like it's i mean these levels aren't too high that's weird it is weird why don't you talk for a second meow meow meow meow meow meow meow that's what it is because you're turning my mic of it down right no i'm just oh because it went meow meow meow meow meow meow but why does that sound weird when i do it hmm that's weird talk i don't know um sometimes let's see is this yeah that should be fine right what the fuck is going on is that i think you're okay it sounds okay right yeah okay so here's the thing that we need people to do if you go to the site if you go to your mom's house podcast dot com we put up this poll for five cities portland boston austin houston

in philadelphia i want you to vote on the city if you live read like don't click on houston if you're like i live in anchorage and i'll fly down into the yeah yeah like tell us where you live yeah yeah so we're trying to figure out if if people in these specific areas are there so please vote if you're in that area um and we'll see like where we have a group of people that maybe we can go do a show together oh we'll definitely do a show together we're we're trying to figure it out so that we can find you guys and come out and you guys can meet each other and we can have like a a monastic time great yeah one other thing is there oh yeah well maybe our yeah no fucking what are you talking about maybe someone in the room there's nobody wants to plug

their dates that were you fucking why are you fucking this up man with what what this is a professional show no um oh canada hey canadian um yeah sorry sorry ian back my dog's on the move i apologize oh is she unplugging things raxi's tearing shit up raxi get over here she's so cute she was just laying still she had something come in the room there must be wires oh she's been known to no get over there look how retarded she is awesome she looks like a hybrid between a fox and a beaver hold on i have to do this really cute i love the way you guys promote stuff i mean you make me want to buy berries thank you i encourage you to and because you're on the show i will hook you up really get you this same offer we just offered to our that is a good offer yes is your

passport on the ground that is awesome that's my husband that's like you're worse than me i couldn't find my wallet today there we go for the longest time we keep all of our documents on the ground well i don't think the criminals look for it there they think it's going to be hidden someplace passport keep it the most obvious place yeah i love what you do you guys where can people see you ian um i will be in edmonton alberta the first week of january or at the strip at the comic strip that's a best club huh and then the second week i will be at uh lexington kentucky at comedy off-roadway wow fantastic and you can see me at the uh i'll be at the game i'll be on the saturday i will go see the uh the basketball game yeah okay every year i go see a basketball

game are you serious yeah what a great place to see a game it's amazing and that's shit it's kind of a dumpy stadium but they make it so fun it's crazy um what's his name bill burr told me he like basically bill burr schedules a lot of his touring now off of getting to see games you know well it's bill burr yeah but also we should let this dog run free in the house i'm afraid of what your dog is going to eat okay she won't eat anything but she's gonna lie down hold on i'm gonna i'm gonna do some abuse tax laying around and and passports this dog can lie down lie down i would go i i try to as well my winnipeg schedule was to go see a hockey game yeah that's what i was supposed to do too and then they decided to shut that whole thing down and screwed it all up so now

i'm going in may to see nothing well i'm going to see people see the inside of your hotel room for 20 hours just stare out the window and cry and think about the times all the dreams that i had is in high school i was gonna be something are you guys ready to start the show yeah let's start it how can i be fake ellie king if that's your real fucking name all the pictures inside me all the videos is of me and my mom cindy you see that lady right there behind me though that's my mom cindy so see i am not thank you ugly looking bitch talk yeah you ugly monkey go climb on that i know the train jump off on the other on the other side next time if you harass my daughter she will get you on her ass one i am pregnant with my son frijic jr i'll be five months tomorrow

and he's kicking the shit out of me right now yeah my dad died three weeks ago tomorrow at six eighteen a.m yeah my husband's real he's in the living room watching tv he doesn't like drum waiting i delete him in the first play off my fucking count right but i haven't been in my family pain yeah you moron in the 2000 and back in 2000 i was 12 years old turn 13 2005 i was 19 turn 20 i was born in 1986 i should know how all i was in all them stupid pictures of me since they're my fucking pictures yeah this is not a wig don't bring anyone loving to this welcome welcome to your mom's house with tom sakura soon and christina the jitzy christina

yeah yeah yeah go jump up jump on the other side yeah ugly ugly face yeah yeah isn't that the best video yeah what's going on there so it's just one of those special moments the other day i uh i'm just going through twitter and mocha mocha casher tweets mary christmas yeah with this link dumb mother mother and i was like what the fuck is this this is the best thing i've ever seen and i laughed so hard yeah it's just this girl who's making like a video is that a girl to publish uh like from her i don't know if it's on her facebook or you know whatever and um it just killed me and i asked him like where he got it and he's yeah but nothing and he uh he i asked him he didn't tell me where what where he got it but

then i got to the club and i saw ian and i played it for him it's just it's crazy it is remarkable but i think you know the responsibility when you have haters is to address your haters well do you want to hear her address you think she doesn't like hers there's she's addresses them a little more would you like to hear yeah absolutely okay yeah yeah it's fucking real if it was a wig it will fucking come off right about now yeah i died of black you like my shirt it says mount bernie because that's where because that's where i actually live hometown i lied and i like this spring film and i did my brothers jackson and daniel they're fucking dead also daniel is mine 20 because you guys didn't know he died three days old a smallpox we both had it he died and i

survived my brother jackson died at the age of 27 in a car wreck last year on his birthday this year august 2nd he'd be 28 my sister lucy is not fake either she's real and she turned 14 october 14th will she be 15 this october yeah i thought she went on a camping trip we'll leave her alone she says you went on a camping trip so just leave her alone you shouldn't leave her you know fucking canned that sounds just like her this is one of those families that had to have a lot of kids because they are most of them died yeah well a smallpox i think there's immunizations for that right probably yeah do you get vaccines hold on isn't that when we killed the indians with that that's old it's kind of old school dude that's hardcore polio she was in a blanket and she died

both of us we like turkey yeah oh and in my addon and my grandma's millie staley am i at margaret them dead pages of them well they were they are dead also them and they're not fake i should know i was in their rooms when they died yeah i was too there might be these two you're actually that there might be a crime kiss her ass so wait till my son turns a year old me my husband we will be pregnant again there you go jesus oh yes i am 24 she's 53 and she is not 80 yeah because you don't like a kma by the way she does wear a fucking brawl she has one on right now i don't have on right now what wait that's the best part she didn't have a brawn

no she does but her tits are real saggers so i guess people say that and then she goes yeah she does have a brawn and the mom lifts up her shirt and shows her brawn the daughter's like like raise her off yeah it's one of those hardcore bras too though you know one of those really thick ones i think i wear those these are being held in by this yeah it's one that people have to wear one of them i think i have one on right now no i think it's called a sports brawl this is like being fat a team has to rope these tits in and then put this thing on yes you've seen cross eyes these are cross tits no depth perception yeah yeah yeah yeah who are the haters she's got the best what's i don't have on right now yeah because i don't sleep with the brawn at night

during the day she doesn't wear brawl let's see anything else oh appear this too alive he's not dead no one did not run him over who is i went the fucker heard of the allegations so ellie king how am i helping out of my voice i don't know how the mother from the background says somebody should roll over your ugly face and smash it oh that was i thought i said and speaking of europe we're not fascists that's what i heard wow that was interesting well she's a very insightful lady very well read edit videos like this you dumb super little bitch all right don't answer my fucking question how am i fake when all the videos and photos is of the same person that is me and cindy wasn't two of them two yeah you little whore

so that's that um mocha casher great work man really that's a good wonder was he was he the one that was harassing them i don't think it's mocha i don't think it's mocha are your tits real i don't think so i got nobody's dead in your family yeah what are the allegations everybody's dead in our family what are the allegations that's so funny what is she answering to sure your hair is fake like i like that like that's a wig you'd pick yeah when you showed me that that video over she's she's half man half half half dog or something i have no idea what she is i'm not fake i'm real yeah what are what are what are these two look like a dog a little bit she does she's on and shaggy i picture them a little toothless yeah a little bit a little mouth mouthy yeah yeah definitely

a little mouth mouthy definitely is trashy as fuck for sure yeah speaking of mouth mouth i have no idea where we're going speaking of mouth mouth oh here's something so the last time we saw you in bag we went out to dinner with you and your lovely yeah yeah yeah we did we had Mediterranean food did you guys enjoy that so delicious how was your garlic how was your garlic level the next day well it was which brings me it was intense i'm just going to say there was a lot of gas in this house you got to eat it with the person since you're going to sleep with that next night like if one of you does it one of you doesn't it's really an interesting next morning that was terrible how are you so let me ask you this i don't know what your relationship with

karyon is like really really we're married i know that sorry well let me see would you do this to your wife so the other morning a while ago i my husband wakes up i i look over lovingly at him and i just i start squeezing his little meats and cheeses and i love you i love you just squeeze and then i make the mistake of putting my hands on his on his buttocks under under the underpants right and he farts on my hand right on the right on my hand so i feel full vibrations full wind i have not farted on my wife's hands i but i did we were sleeping on the couch one day and she was down around my crotch and she brings it up all the time and then i farted on her head but it wasn't on purpose you know on her head yeah i rattled her head and she just woke up

she's really new level that's what she always says that's that's marriage that is that's the essence yeah the other day she came home and i was asleep well she went to pop physique uh for the morning class when she came back i don't know what had happened while she'd been gone but she took a picture maybe she came in the door uh my underwear were half half off my ass and i was sleeping for it looked like i'd been raped while she was a picture and she said never show that picture to anybody but this is hilarious that's funny oh my god i don't know how they got off and i didn't intentionally fart to make that clear well yeah it's different right if you intentionally fart she's just a guy that you hang out with and every fart in this house is an intentional

fart that's not true it is true i hear you pushing i feel you pushing i hear you pushing like when we're gonna be laying in bed and i can sense yes like toddlers or little babies and diaper yeah i could feel the whole he keep kicking tracks do it do it yeah mm-hmm bang that's the story of my life with you it was an accidental fart i don't think so it was very deliberate so you're saying fart got on your hands yeah man and it was one of those yeah man i was a little upset about it you know what i mean there's there's boundaries to the fart game it's so funny because you guys have such a such a wide boundary that you it's hard to play it's like being in uh when we're in south africa you know that game range

that they had that was millions and millions of acres it's actually like being the lion that finds the outside of that game range that's too far that's a good too far well this one's too far someone was in here and they were telling us how a boyfriend and girlfriend when one of them is taking a shit the other one like they call to the other one like come here come here and then they hold hands while the other one what yes yeah that was my and that does not play can you say who it is i forget it's a couple of our listeners okay oh yeah right okay i i dated a girl and she uh she told me that her and her ex-boyfriend uh they he used to lie on the ground in front of her while she's like she would be on the toilet shitting and he would lie in the bathroom

like talking about no yeah it's too far it's too far lying down like just like hey baby how are you and then remember shitting remember be wheezy right oh right he shits in front of his siblings the whole family in front of him what the whole family front wine box shits in front of his whole aren't but aren't they muslim or something no they're not it's part of rob the don they're jewish yeah they're juke and wine box maybe uh i think that's how they uh that's how no they're not that's the thing is that he's sound it's a sounds jewish but he's not i think yeah i don't know what he is man he's shitter he's fucking but they all get like they'll hang out in the bathroom with his with the siblings that's that's no no no he

he takes a shit with the door open right but they'll come in and they'll be like hey yeah for instance if we were all hanging out and then the bathroom's right here and i leave the door open i'm like so anyways guys ian how's your wife doing and i'm shitting yeah now what about this one okay the other day tommy was drinking his coffee and he's like i gotta shit and then he takes the cup of coffee in with him and drinks the coffee while shitting how do you feel about this um i can't say that i haven't drank stuff while shitting there we go boom but it does it does have you seen the south park where i think it's called reverse cowgirl or something but but butters thinks you actually uh face the toilet when you're shitting oh yes yes yes so you can so you can eat your pudding

yeah so you face the back of the toilet that's awesome yeah well because a few of us yeah yeah and she shit two times that day so you get good you're a monkey face good lost you're constipated a few of our listeners tweeted that what happens is is that you get shit particles in whatever food it is you're enjoying but did you read did you read the study that was done okay you go ahead there was a study oh the research no the study was they tested these toothbrushes that they had put in the toilet like 10 of them and they placed them in different parts of the bathroom and then they put two that were like 25 feet from outside the bathroom

same amount all the toothbrushes yeah i think it was all the toothbrushes yeah all the toothbrushes that were in the bathroom they all found microscopic fecal and the toothbrush that was like 25 feet away also had fecal matter on it isn't that why you're supposed to close the toilet when you're flush oh that's why i thought that's why it was i i don't think nobody i don't think anybody well every once in a while you have one of those powerful shits because every time if you're getting a 25 if you're getting 25 feet away from you yeah yeah yeah buddy can i say i have a feeling that there's shit everywhere though exactly there's shit on everything all the time like your vegetables your meats there's shit everywhere hands you don't think about like oh i think about it when you think

about why i think that's why people start bumping yeah yeah that's what what that host what's his name howie mendel he's germaphobe yeah so am i after shows you shake hands you touch the very first thing i do i run back and i wash the shit out of my hand you have to but at the same time you have to go fuck yeah what else what else might want it because you just don't know what you touch all day oh all money is money is the most disgusting thing yeah i mean hands are on dicks and balls assholes shit jerk come yeah you know freaks me out is uh remote controls and in hotels yeah i started sanitizing them i bring hand sanitizers the first order of business is wipe it down who knows whose ass they've been in yeah or jizz now that i think about the jizz quotient there's more jizz than you

thought about jizzing on it i mean i jizz all over rooms well in your hand i just see how i just i bring a tape measure with me and see how far i can get it away from it yeah that's pretty good wow it's kind of a long jump kind of thing what's your record yeah uh four feet wow pretty good this real distance this real wow yeah it was weird because uh it's far it comes far yeah and my brother came far too and that's no lie but he's dead yeah what's improving everybody he got polio and died two weeks ago i did too but i survived what's why does she have to prove people are dead yeah what's that about like i don't understand who's lying it must be it must be a thousand people i think it's probably in you know i don't know it's response to she must post stuff

and then people are questioning like you know that can't be true i think her it's not real response should just be you know i hate you mother fuckers i hate you mother fuckers i hate you mother fuckers i hate you mother fuckers i hate you mother fuckers i hate you you know what i'm saying what's that that's gg l okay just make a chair yeah that's my dad at thanksgiving uh well yeah but i'm saying your dad we just watched his movie right and then your dad was like fired up about it he was upset about your dad was yeah you know first of all you watched it with your dad well yeah it's been a great thanksgiving everybody and let's uh move into the room who who wants to watch uncle buck and who wants to watch gg allen you know i just realized what

oh man we have to show this to my parents we have to show them hated oh that'd be great have you seen hated before i've seen bits and pieces of it it's weird yeah it's pretty great he how did he end up killing himself he or did heroin he did yeah he wasn't he supposed to kill himself at a show yeah he was going to do that was that was his dream everybody has a dream that was his when that'd be great as a as a stand-up comedian your last set and you're like this is it this is it i think stan hope has talked about that before i can see that happening yeah what's it gonna do in front of a room of 125 it'd be the worst you don't even sell out it's your big show yeah it's your king touch show that'd be awesome holy shit holy shit it's better i think to um if you shoot yourself you

do it in the mouth uh-huh when you point the barrel up it's a you have a better chance of you can i think it's i don't think you're supposed to shoot yourself in the head at all i think most people survive when they shoot themselves well through the mouth i think there's a much higher chance of the reason you don't survive is a lot of people they angle it incorrectly or it bounces off of filling yeah you got to go straight like tommy was saying straight up into the mouth and so that it points to the back of the head and up so you fucking use a high caliber gun obviously right 22 22 you know 22 a lot of times work because they actually bounce around about yeah so they'll really cut up you know whatever you shoot them into but if you if you go with a high you know you go put

like a 357 or a 44 in your mouth or something your head's coming off yeah easy like full metal jacket is not a pile does uh no he uses like a rifle yeah it's like a high cat and he uses like an m16 or something yeah which is tough to do because you have to yeah you gotta reach down yeah that's you're into it well either way we hope you had a good christmas you know i'm sure you found somebody in the snow with their head missing they did it right the holidays is that a higher or lower time for people to lower people are happier i know people are depressed during holidays seasonal depression the depression around your shitty family yeah no because i i know but people get bummed out in the weather shitty the most parts the country you know you know they say in alaska

the hard core time for suicide is in the spring because you've gone through that whole winter you think everything's going to be great and all of a sudden there's all this light shining on all your problems still and you just like really boom i didn't know that that's what they say yeah there's a lot of people that have insomnia i think up there too right that people get fucked up up there yeah because the sun well because they get like they get from 24 hours of darkness to 24 hours of light or 23 and a half yeah it's it's funny to hear about these these stories about people getting to fights because some guy decided to mow his lawn at 1 a.m because you know it's sunny out you just doesn't really doesn't really clue it together you're doing whole families in their

sleep i just kept him alone man nice day he's kind of he's kind of got a point yeah i've never experienced that before of you guys no but the sun yeah yeah 26 hour day you've done that you've been to a place where it's a lot but well i've been to fairbanks when it was like that and i'm also growing up where i grew up it was about the sun went down or about 11 are you serious yeah oh wow yeah it was crazy because i remember being how far north was it where you grew up like your voice it's right near ketchikan alaska where i grew up wow yeah how far were you from vancouver well yeah it was closer to get to edmonton than vancouver really yeah but nobody wanted to go to edmonton same same latitude or whatever it's the same highway up you want to go down you want

to go south yeah so but it was good except for when you were a kid and you had to go to bat at eight o'clock and the sun didn't go down to 11 you're like you could hear people playing baseball still you're like ah i'm missing everything and the baseball season where i grew up was only like six weeks or something like that so you're like what time would the sun come up in that time of the year uh boat 430 so 11 to 430 435 well so they don't have blackout like everything or no in the winter you mean yeah it's brook you used to get dark at like three no but i'm like in the and when it's sunny oh yeah like blackout curtains for every house some people do yeah and farther up they do yeah definitely and more silver uh they put the aluminum foil over top of it oh really classy

that's what math heads do you know our math neighbors did that in l.a when i grew up in woodland hills the house next door they're making math and that's how you do it you got to cover the windows and tint right which is funny because you know they're just gonna cut pieces off it to smoke their math that's a good plan too tempting yeah that's a that's a pipe what you're building there is a pipe hey would you think you could pull up the thing we wanted to show ian oh yeah just to get his take on it gosh this is such a special treat now we'll post this obviously on the site too because there's no way to uh but you just want to kind of get your reaction to it hey can i first of all say yeah thanks for having me back oh i forgot to say that oh we love having you anytime man i like

and thank you to your people for starting to follow me too yeah and you got such a positive reaction the last time you come back people love the baggles love baggles so should i just play this and show it to him or yeah i think we do hit play and then just hand it to him and then you can play the audio right so that they can hear what you're seeing right well they can hear what he's yes okay so are you ready sure okay i'm gonna hit play here you go buddy oh my goodness just found this oh my cousin julie put this up on facebook how does this make you feel what you're watching and you can walk us talk us through your feelings well i have to look at it first this is why it just doesn't

i love this song healthy mind healthy body like this there's nobody has both right the guy's got guys got crazy crazy good body but his mind is fucked yeah it's a little terrifying right a little bit yeah i mean do you describe well he's stressed like a unicorn with a sword and he's he's got high heels on and he's painted himself white and he's just showing the poses that he'd do with the sword right which and now he's on all fours and it's it's just uh now he's a unicorn and he's showing what he'd do if he was a unicorn all day he would kind of run and then he'd be on all fours and then he'd be posing again do you think if you were in a room with this guy you might feel some fear though like no i wouldn't feel fear but i feel confusion confusion yeah what about an alleyway an alleyway

you're you walk down chances are he's gonna be chasing you it reminds me of the old david tell joke or where the girl puts the uh strap on dildo on her head and chases you're on like a like a rhinoceros yeah i forget about that tail he's giving himself hooves too on the front the front which is he just he seems he seems confused may i ask you this we are trying to understand the significance of the sword at the beginning and i'm not sure what a unicorn is doing with the sword because unicorns are animals of peace right mythological peace right does that mask look peaceful to you but it doesn't it what is this massing what seem peaceful to you the mask is not seem peaceful at all it's it seems to be hiding out large nose and it's also seems like

straight from the depth did he pick the music yes because the music doesn't seem evil at all yes it does do you remember the song was in one of the craziest scenes of silence of the lambs oh that's it it's what he talks is so hard yeah this is when the killer buffalo bill or whatever he tucks his peener in and he dances right i remember the egg up on okay this is possibly the most sinister song you can choose but if you don't recognize it from that part of the of the movie it's not like oh everybody recognized i didn't know it's terrible and i'm usually pretty good um well at least he's got plans yeah everybody needs their own art uh yeah that's unicorn guy and yeah i feel google that very special guy you know about this youtube like we've seen

we've seen two different things today on the youtube yeah the lady with her family and now we've seen this guy yeah worth it like creating youtube worth it or or right you know right that's the debate should everybody be able to create their own thing that's endlessly amusing though right the entertainment value i mean it's not quality always but you go like that that lady talking and this is like you're like that's not but the thing is how many hits does it have how many hits does it have okay millions what's unicorn guy yet unicorn guy has 191 000 that's gonna see that's what i'm saying and that's what i'm saying and then we will we will do something where we use our talent do some comedy oh i know 14 hits uh-huh

that's that's my problem with it because shame gets more views than talent but can i tell you my theory on this that's true why this is why this is happening in society because americans i think are so shame based like there's taboo in our culture now i'm serious so like now the honey boo boo's of the world like fuck you i'm fat i'm a hillbilly and we're kind of experiencing public shit now that we never did so this is the first time our society has maybe dealt with these ugly things yeah so intriguing yeah we're i'm serious i mean maybe in a few years people will be like yeah you're fat but it's not just america it it's the world excuse me that was but i think that's kind of cathartic and good that people are like here's my weird shit because now

it makes weird shit okay but uh what did they say on stern the other day like uh the three stooges used to be the three stooges but the new three stooges are jackass oh is that right so now is that what something that used to be an act is real right right so uh what so comedy isn't comedy and what is it the two mass comedy and whatever are now real well look who's considered blur you know look who's considered an actual comedians now like you go like these guys from youtube he'll sell a fucking million tickets that big guy for his fucking dance yeah or guys from jackass right we'll go no i'm gonna be the fucking funny bone yeah it'll be like oh yeah he's a comic and you're like he's never even well have you heard this uh eddie murphy's son and richard priors son are

doing a tour where they're doing their father's material are you kidding yeah and they've been up at um no yeah they've been up at that shit place love it's are you kidding me is that even that's so in that is that ethical gallagher's brother did gallagher too right but this is and eddie murphy's brother did whatever he did right right this is so crazy yeah so now you don't even have to create anything you just know i don't want to support that in any way i should just be a mechanic because my dad's one me too but i don't know how to fix anything i'd love to see you around tools it's not good no i had a lot thrown at me when i was a kid your dad was like what the fuck are you can i can i get a 916 so well this fucking 716 comes flying back at me read the goddamn end of it

but don't you think that you can fool audiences once like audiences will come out to see the jackass guys three times exactly and then you're done you have your career as the performers yeah so that's you know you know i know that uh that guy that was unsaved by the bell gets three screech i used to have the same booker as him i used to be two weeks behind him in every shit hole club that i did and everybody was like that guy's terrible and a dick yeah you can't even be nice yeah i met him at a radio station earlier this year he was super nice but i had heard nothing but bad things before i met him from people but maybe he's where did you meet him at what radio station in uh i i was doing a club in Cincinnati he was doing a casino in indiana a casino in indy yeah yeah you think he

would have tried to be um a radio star yeah you could do that he could have pulled that off right yeah i think he probably really is into his act no you think you think he believes that i believe that he probably likes his own act did he believe he's funny yeah definitely what do you think he talks about i never i heard he's pretty by the bell i heard he doesn't really get in i heard he's just pretty like just like a dirty comic or whatever oh man well he put his painter on the internet didn't he for like then there was accusations that there was that that wasn't his painter huh because i needed a porno right but i'm saying the accusations i i don't know the story well but the story that people said was that um his face is never on it with his dong

you know at the same time oh there's no because it's an exemplary dong so people are like well this guy's got a great hog on him but then yeah but then there's no shot of face and dong interesting you know what i'm saying so you you don't know whose painter it's like craigslist some people just send a picture of their dung but their head yeah it's not real in their dong and you're like yeah i'll put that in my mouth when you give me proof that it's yours yeah yeah yeah yeah suck that cock her father had a nice penis but he's dead yeah yeah um can i read you the most disturbing email dude this is so from one of your listeners no worse someone in my family no we're doing it

what's on what's happening this is great and i'm not going to say who in my family it's not my father you guys so just be an indian please let me one of the indians no it's not one of the indian step family uh this is from and ironically this this relative is an immigrant um not born in this country that's why it's so oh just so disturbing this is so it's one of christina's relatives okay and not only that uh this relative sent this email to like everybody in my family which is so it's more of a was it like was it the christmas email you know like how everybody's doing it pretty much very christmas um guess who's growing this year read it from top to bottom no i will and here's the best is that grandma and grandpa are included they're included yeah they were sent to it or

they were kind of nice just two sent to it's like all of us and then grandma and grandpa i'm guessing you guys were considered here we go um so here's a subject it's a forwarded email so you know that's going to be fun the subject in bowl in caps yeah says proud to be white oh goodness shit yeah that's not oh no yeah okay so here it goes proud to be white and there's no like this not a funny email it's not ironic it's not like hey this is some crazy shit if you guys see this there's no clever joke in this this is serious this is 100 this is how this person feels it's not like when we have yoshi on we play wu tang clips right when it's fun like this is different this is a sincere thing and she this person like wants us to be on board with this essentially like hey

respond and let's get on the dialogue go ahead look so sure okay so it goes i have been wondering about why whites are racists and no other race is and then there's a picture of michael richards oh jesus and it's uh here's the best part michael richards makes his point michael richards better known as kramer from tv sign fell does make a good point this was his defense speech in court after making racial comments in his comedy act i didn't know he won the court that's the first thing i said yeah i don't think he did and i think if there is something i mean i don't think he did but if there is it's because maybe maybe someone has to research this after that incident at the laugh factory that there was like a lawsuit or something you know what's the type of civil

suit like but what would be your lawsuit well that that's what i don't know the jokes weren't funny we're suing yeah i don't know but that's i don't think that there was any court thing but that's what i'm assuming maybe like he made somebody feel bad can you do like emotional anguish or the doors the doors are available i don't know so anyway okay so after making racial content okay in it his defense he raised a few interesting points someone finally said it but how many are actually paying attention to this here's my fear here's the argument guys there are african americans mexican americans asian americans arab americans etc and then there are just americans etc americans this is the best you pass me on the street and sneer in my direction

you call me white boy cracker honky whitey caveman caveman no never have you ever been called what neighborhood is your uncle living in who ever who says any of that i've never no have you ever been called that stuff i'd never in my life anyway and it would make me laugh if somebody called me that yeah yeah it'd be endlessly amusing like did you just really call me a honky or a cracker moving on whoever wrote this i have pictures just writing with like just like a furrowed brow and being like you sneer at me and you call me cracker gg never fucking gg ellen wrote this probably this fucking lunacy at crackers you call me white boy cracker honky whitey caveman and that's okay i hate you motherfuckers uh and this is where it gets a little okay and that's okay

but when i call you nigger towelhead sand nigger camel jockey beiner goog or chink you call me a racist which is so crazy you are yeah that's crazy what do you mean i'm racist right i'm just calling you what you are call i call like i see it guys chink am i not allowed to use a slur because it's equivalent being called a cracker oh man called a sand oh my god um you call me racist you say whites commit a lot of violence against you so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live in you have the united negro college fund you have martin luther king day you have black history but this just goes on and on imagine if we had wet white entertainment television we'd be racist nbc i know it's called every other channel that's not bt uh if we had a white pride day you call us

racists if we had white history month you we'd be racists we do we have it's called labor day it's just oh if we had any organization for whites only to advance our lives we'd be racist this is just it goes on and on it's just nonsense we'll keep you what's the sure i mean you want to hear more of the argument yeah okay we have a hispanic chamber of commerce a black chamber of commerce and then we just have the plain chamber of commerce wonder who pays for that three question marks a white woman could not be in the miss black american pageant but any color can be in the miss america pageant okay if we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships you know we'd be racists yeah we do i'd be like school guys i know it's called harvard

there are over called most 60 openly proclaimed black colleges in the us yet if there were white colleges that would be a racist you know what's funny about this as you keep reading this it literally is like all the the dumb logic yeah like the universally dumbing logic that a like redneck or racist uses right like so that will they all i remember in high school people like what's up how come there's now wet and it's always like the dumbest person right okay why do they have their own cause they had to because they weren't allowed into any other college right remember when we used to like kill people for one decision why they want to vote and we just drive them into an organization just for that well they're a fraction of the population so this is basically

to help them celebrate right get some attention on themselves we're we're 86 percent of the population is that a problem yeah it's like why is their mother's day like what's so stupid uh you are proud to be black brown yellow and orange and you're not afraid to announce it but when we announce our white pride you call us racist because you are the best you are man you rob us car jack us and shoot at us but when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug dealer running from the law posing as a threat to society you call us racist i am proud but you call me a racist why is it that only whites can be racist that's not true there are racist asians sure we've learned with yoshi yeah there oh here's my uh in japan has racism against

whiteies everybody hates everybody okay yeah that's true that's definitely yeah there is nothing improper about this email really but let's see which of you are proud enough to send it on that's and you realize that's the line that hooked your relative yeah she was your relative read that it was like uh or he sorry read that and was like i'm proud enough to forward the song i'm brave enough to be ignorant god i hope it was the indians no uh well let's see i sadly don't think many will that's why we have lost most of our rights in this country we're so sad we won't stand up for ourselves be proud to be white it's not a crime yet but it gets getting very oh here's my best part the disclaimer uh this claimer it is estimated that only five percent of those reaching this point

in this email will pass it on only five percent guys like a god bless you type of email so does that mean we're like where it's like do you like pray to mary here say the rosary tent it is estimated that you won't like forward this nice message on not like it is some you don't have the balls to share my racist message everybody else but your relative does at five percent that means a little bit of one of us wants to send it on yeah a little bit piece of one of us wants to send it on some place jesus it's really crazy how now please tell me this yeah i really think i mean i really think in some way shape or form you should respond to that i really do well my responsibility is a human being i mean i bust you should respond to that chops constantly yeah because we've gotten other

things from this relative where you're like other racist stuff yeah and but this one is like this here's the thing is that the other one uh they're not they're not like this they're they're a little like they're a little tamer they're yeah this is like that's 101 like down south red neck no that's like yeah that's the shit that i would hear that's from like in florida from like red neck right who were who had like hogs strapped to the back of their pickup truck they they say all all that shit right is like that's that's the first class in in racist college like that's introduction to racism shit and and they hit every beat all the black america pageant and the school fund you're like what are you talking about men lunacy well the like i said the irony is this person

wasn't born in this country and isn't an immigrant yeah as we all as my entire family is my step family is all indian please it's like really you know that my family is rewrite write them back a letter like invite them to a clan meeting like yeah like you know i mean you should be like you're right i've taken action we're gonna start a rally fine fine like a clan like a whole thing we got to join this group send them back because what you say is what they say and we need to go join this you know what what if we did a search why don't we do a search for a local clan chapter and just be like hey tom and i eight p.m. friday we're going here show up put it there just kind of talk about some of our issues we think you'd be great for the group you know i mean and just

kind of let's get it out of the open way yeah i think so you know i think i think this comes from uh gotta go to bed bath and beyond first though yes gotta get some sheets yeah yeah this just comes from a lack of like of what is it it's like you know what you don't really hate you can't possibly be feeling this really he's got a shit nothing going on it's weird how some people get though some people have that paranoid i think it's paranoia that so it does it to some people right like the immigrants are taking all our jobs yeah yeah it's that kind of shit that's what that email and then they're an immigrant yeah i can't i can't even get the immigration jobs anymore right like what i can't get the e greece and so it could be to come across the board and take on the

jobs but you wanted to be a bus boy i haven't been able to make a swingers cafe you wanted to be a bus boy so far good place lots of positive energy you wanted you wanted to be a line cook somewhere or and people would complain about this oh my god man getting out of the jobs and losing the fucking country yet that's my favorite line the whole thing yeah like people like uh we're you can't be or you can be proud to be white while you haven't lost our right to do it yet we're about to lose we're on the brink of it guys he was trying to say ni yet you know the whole thing they with with society today is you know go to school get a job get married never kids and take out loans and dig a fucking hole you can never get out of and and to me that's just the way of

of the government chaining you down so that you can never get out of their grip and somebody like me who who can do whatever they want i never have to pay taxes i can you know fuck whoever i want i can go here i can go there i can you know somebody calls me i can go tomorrow i don't have to think about what i gotta take care of this yeah it's like i can just go and then you know that's the only way to fucking live it's you know people who just you know so fucking concerned about stupid shit you know i'm saying i think gg sent me this email did gg forward that to you yeah i'm related to this guy i think gg would speak up about that email you think he would i think he would rub him the wrong way really i don't know no i think he's probably down for this i don't i think we'll see

the titles of his songs yeah i read the dvd here i read them i read them earlier i remember watching him all the time on uh whatever a couple shows back in when i was a teenager i like suck my acid smells suck my acid smells and i fuck everything everything i fuck i kill everything i fuck the aid song yeah that was our favorite one too yeah yeah that's that's pretty good title and then uh i want to kill you yeah it's a good one just love you know what fuck authority this is a very loving post christmas episode that's what it's all about man die die when you die die die is this a dvd because he's shit he's actually shit on the stage yeah yeah you lose me there oh yeah a lot of shit in shows a lot

there you go because you listen to him a little bit and you go all right when he goes you go to school get a job you're like yeah that's you're fucking missing the point there and then you get tied down with all these debt and stuff you're like hey you got a point maybe i shouldn't get tied down with that and then he takes his shit on stage and you lost me again you're like yeah there's no real there's no real message there no the message was good up until he shits on or when he starts cutting himself on stage oh god cutters are are crazy i think he was uh uh schizophrenic or something you can tell he's clearly not okay yeah i don't think he was on drugs he must have been on drugs oh yeah oh yeah a lot of drugs yeah yeah yeah a lot of booze a lot of

drugs yeah yeah it's interesting how guys on drugs will believe themselves like i had a friend that was on heroin that was a vegetarian yeah and i just couldn't i always just use a stare like nope don't eat meat i'm like really that's where you draw your line yeah you just get your heel all right uh like injecting it obviously oh that's such a tough one to do oh it's going down talk like an hippos oh just cleaning up the goods what you're doing cleaning up the jeans um you didn't even tell everybody that um for christmas i mean i got you something you've wanted for a long time what's that boo bikes oh you got me a bike yeah i'm so excited i love my new bike you haven't seen it yet did where did you steal it from um i was was walking uh down on

the on the beach yeah and i saw that some people had left uh tied up and i was like those are some really nice and i took them and now there are as we can use them whenever we want oh thanks babe you like your bike what's that from it's from uh scared straight yeah is that what it's just from what the episode where they don't want people to ride bikes the ad type biking message i wish i had bikes wish i had it ready else listen this this dog your dog does a perfect top dog impression do it do it again that's that's tom's dad exactly because whenever tom calls top dog he just smells into under the phone do it again she's like no no let me look my vagina peacefully hey the thing that i did

the fuck you took sorry what'd you say that i forgot to mention that thing that i did for showtime the hour special may air this week oh really like this december 26th week are you going to do another special i'm hopefully yeah hopefully i'll be doing this will be all different stuff yeah wow now did your showtime thing that they we we discussed before how somebody talked to how you were going to shoot something and they're like we don't want you to talk to the crowd though uh no this this is mostly crowd work this is mostly what that guy that you were telling me wants to do i'm like yeah interesting i beat him to the punch yeah yeah so nice well um so that might air when uh the week of the 26th i heard it's gonna air in the this week uh yeah christmas

week middle of the night and then it is kind of they're gonna do a premiere for it in december you mean january yeah but they have to air it before for some sort of reason they're not going to tell anybody it's airing um i'm gonna do a premiere for it now but let's talk about i can't believe we didn't bring this up we're getting to the end of the show we haven't even brought this up the don't you have a new cd out i do have a new cd i didn't even bring it for you guys i should have brought it let's talk about it man um it's fantastic yes i believe you have you guys i was reviewed by three different companies and i and i just like i can't tell if they like me or not and then only one and then only one gave me a number and it was four to five and like that's

okay but then you see everybody else that they give four to five you go it's shit that's four to five like all the comics that i don't like got four to five so i'm like fuck i can't yeah it's hard i i was really scared this time a bunch of places that were like i got some emails we want to review your album i sent them links i don't even know if they reviewed them then i got one that i know got like the one that i read um i also the reviewer before the review was posted tweeted but tagged me in it so that i would read i don't they did that to me so i it popped up and it wasn't the it wasn't the link to the review this reviewer just happened to tweet um oh my god i hate tom sagura way less now that i know he's not an overly built quaffed jock douche and i was

like and i was like who is this person i thought it was just a person figure out if they like us or hate us or that's a fucking fucking that's a way to get your attention right now i hate you less than you are quaffed right like you've always been a douche no no no critics uniformly they hate us are they the people that can't do it they hate yes because they're jealous and they're bitter and they're fucking scum fuck of the universe because they're too pussy to do anything creative so they they fucking criticize what other people do creatively and i hate them i hate them i don't i don't know why they can't because i'm proud to be white you guys you know they they they will give black people good reviews why you coming today you bitch fat funny looking motherfucker why

is coming today oh that happened to me so many times that that heckler scares the shit out of me do you imagine that would be the worst thing ever the worst ever man cleveland this these are clips from cleveland last year cleveland improv and when i did you make cleveland the cleveland show this is what it's like to do cleveland this is what i did that right white boys man how the fuck y'all gonna survive in the prison white boys with your motherfucking population 85% look like me motherfuckers you coming in this motherfucker y'all got attitude you'll get crushed man keep fucking up out there on the street and you come in the prison bro and when you come you're coming for a long motherfucking time something that i tell you is man this might get them fags

have i ever told you about the time i was like i did this pilot for i don't know a travel something or something some some company and uh it was called places you never want to go oh that's awesome i'd watch that yeah it was me and this xcia guy and we did the pilot we went to comp and we hung out with a gang for the afternoon how fun oh yeah fucking i i've never sweated so much my life i was nervous so terrified and the one guy says to me what are you doing down here the only time i see a white guy down here is when he wants to get his wife some nigga dick whoa yeah okay this is how it's gonna start here we go so you're like this is where we go yeah this is this is oh yeah this is i'm like hey baby i found a place to get some of the and now gga

you dick how did you respond to that guy i've been on call me central i panicked like that it was like i like jokes it was one of these things i was wearing a i was wearing like that you know of like a microphone and all i could think was that it looked like a wire sure i'm like this is a microphone i got that cop with a camera man in my house today and if you tell me i'm gonna lose your motherfucker face you here look at me you see this motherfucker face you remember this motherfucker face you never want to meet a motherfucker like me you understand that's tracing morgan is so talented that's part of our christmas message this is a hateful episode this stuff right here so ian if

you were to go to prison i think have we discussed this before this is okay what's your strategy for prison survival uh i would fucking stab myself that's interesting so you get put in oh 51 50 yeah all right fuck yeah is that is that what happens i make it like code yeah yeah they'd be like this one's out of it we got it we got to protect him from himself from himself we got to protect him so bad for myself yeah i stab my stomach every week but where do you stab yourself so you don't bleed internally and die oh i don't know probably in the shoulder yeah i would just go for um i think i would try like my throat and wrists first day in prison vertically yeah but you're you're a large dude i mean you're a tall guy you can buy i don't want

to i don't those guys that's what they do yeah i haven't been punching the face like that in years no that's it it takes a long time like i i i see all these guys going through these mma classes like there's gracy jiu-jitsu places everywhere yeah and i'm like is everybody just planning to go to jail because there's no need to use that anywhere all the time yeah right no but oh god do you rogan works in that business that's why he's built like that you got to look like those guys to do that he wouldn't need that if he was just hanging out with normal fucking everyday people and all these guys just fucking wrestling in their background just let it go just fucking let it go let your ears fucking grow the cauliflower ears you don't like those fuck that's the first thing i look for

if i'm gonna get into a fight with a guy you see those ears if i see those ears just walk away because man it's just gonna get your thumb and you're gonna hurt for no reason i hate the i fucking hate wrestlers have you fought have you fought much physically oh when i used to play hockey used to fight all the time and then a little bit i was boxing for a while and then i got i got tagged one day and knocked out on my feet and had to keep standing because it was it was at freddy roach's gym i used to go there and do a little bit of sparring and some guy tagged me like you wouldn't believe i'm like oh just just stand up just wait for that bell he goes you want to go another round after the bell went like nope i'm gonna go cry in the corner getting

punch sucks man oh yeah yeah getting punched by one of those like a real boxers punch oh just that he got me so good it was just the uh i have you it feels like somebody dumps a bucket full of ice down your back your just spine just that's that's concussion yeah yeah and you're like i'm not i don't need to do this i'm like oh man i'm not going to the olympics i just remembered son of a bitch i just remembered i'm not gonna make any money fighting no yeah there's no don't get if you really are not get it's not your career you should get out of the the full contact punching you're just i don't know i don't know how these guys like getting punched in the nose i remember just getting punched it's just it's just hurts like you wouldn't believe it and your eyes you

can't see anything afterwards i'm like just water yeah like oh i don't like that's like that pain you get the pain like the back yeah you're like i got punched in the face but my brain in the back of my head my brain hurts yes it's like oh getting my least favorite is to get punched in the stomach when i used to get into fights with black chicks they go right for your stomach no in public school seventh grade sure you didn't so sure you didn't write that letter i have you know it's just what happened and and what can i what can i do wrote the email i wrote the email wrote the email no but i'm black people punch in the stomach white people punch in the stomach that's no good but black i've been i'm saying that black girls are way better fighters

like come on let's fucking be honest like you don't not want to fight with a black chick but they go first for the stomach and that's really incapacitated soft spot do they doesn't hurt their hands go first for the stomach is it universally black to do that pretty sure that no no because i've watched other videos and usually the girls do open hand smacks to the face and then you pull a bitch's hair worldstarhiphop.com worldstarhiphop.com these are great videos man the slap is a weird thing when i when a man slaps another man like cat william slap that guy that's that you're not wanting to fight somebody he did that at target yeah you see that he slapped the cashier at target this week why a couple weeks ago out of his mind now yeah and now he's um

yeah a few weeks ago yeah and then uh he uh he's now what is he doing he's quit stand up he's retiring from well but but just a few weeks ago like the week before the slapping at target he uh he lost his shit and attacked like jumped in the crowd again to attack a heckler i don't know i haven't not heard anything about him being tough that's the weird part like i hear he's like five foot six or something oh he's short in that he's tiny so and he's in a he's in a motorized part from the fucking target and he's driving around he gets out and slaps the guy it's uh it's almost like he's on a sketch show he's talking a bunch of shit but he's he's really lost his shit man his drugs he really has fucking and and he's attacking the audience paranoid schizole

yeah does he really oh for sure sure yeah and in the closet i also heard really yeah in the closet no cat yeah which if you think about it that would get i find most of the guys that come out of the closet are that are those guys that i've known are those guys that over you're like wow he really likes pussy yeah that guy's crazy we were just talking about that how like when people have to talk about how much they love pussy yeah i just love south africa i wouldn't be surprised if he likes in the butt you know i mean like because it's just the way he talks about i'm like yeah i really like it you know you know i just can't stop eating it man like i love the way it tastes i just i'll just eat it all night ever i love burgers never brought it up like that i won't mention

no the other thing is is that like i just really like fucking pussies do you know what i mean that's i'm sure i've met guys like yeah i fucking love fucking it and i love eating it and i could do it all day and all night really all day all night you're like do you don't even want to check your messages well just one of those things where you go like it's almost like when somebody goes facebook i love getting like huge amounts of cash and you're like yeah it's implicit right you know i mean like you don't need like what yeah i get it man like all of us nobody runs from it feels good it's really good to get out of here coming like just feels good do you know what i mean when you come you know when girl makes you come when a girl makes you come right you know when a girl

makes you come with like her like you choose like her pussy lips or like or something like that with a girl puss you know a girl makes you come and you get that come all up in her puss feels so good right cream pie daddy oh hopefully you're getting blown though by a girl puss because i fucking love puss girls puss girls puss good we didn't even say it like let's go back to the what's the new album called it's called it takes a village did we even say that it takes a village yeah the also works fantastic halloween rottem clinton's book title is it i think so oh my god i think you're right yeah that's but mine's being chased out of town by by a mad crowd oh that's right oh that's fantastic yeah now that takes a village to raise a great child no it's just like me running

away from it yeah that's fantastic and can they get it they can get it amazon they can go to my website and they also get it on itunes or come see a show that's a great thing you should see in bag live yeah but what doesn't they get the album ww.eenbag.com with two g's two g's and then on itunes it's called it takes a village in bag yeah and you can still listen to the podcast even though i know that some of your talks miller what is it talks what there's a guy that listens to our show from you guys his name's to x or something uh he's like what the fuck is going on with your show yeah well something's going on well so tell them well what happened was we started off at that love its club and we were they just offered us to do this thing so we started doing it and uh and it

was hellish it was hellish and i had to get the oh my god seriously sarah slater okay because there was so much girl puss there i love girl puss and i was so tempting this girl puss anyways uh tastes like weird uh so i had to get the fuck away from there so we've been putting it together ourselves it's still on xm channel 160 laugh attack there you go you can listen to it there if you have the xm or the serious and but it's it'll be up on itunes very soon okay yeah so please go there and the thing too is if you guys and i like twitter followers go to your go to ian's website and look at his tour dates you seriously ian's one of those comics that it really pays off to go and see him lie yeah he's one of the best you gotta go yeah it's phenomenal it's an experience

and i don't think there's two shows that are the same and it's fucking it's so much fun it's an experience guys these headphones are gonna fit on me because you're making my head swell it is it is a it is a very show here is one of the previews from it takes a village with ian bag i hope you enjoy it who am i bitch nigga buy your own damn fries now you know that guy ain't shit sorry i motherfucking got nothing on me right nothing they're white folks and then they're ignorant motherfuckers like you i mean it doesn't get oh i love that track is that the closer there you go ian bag yeah i loved writing that man you really are one of the best thanks for having you over you're the best thank you for having me over to your village

your house we uh your new house is fantastic you guys should be very proud of yourself you're moving on up you're all grown up kids well we're grown up trying to grow up you need a four you need a four legged her i would love a doggie a doggy jeans it's a little french bulldog 18 pounds take it take it with you travel with you can you i would do that oh you can huh we gotta get a doggy we gotta i'm dying for a doggie jeans different oh you can't take this dog she can't but it's a look getting a french bulldog it's the holiday season look at our future it's christmas time in the city you know snuggle up with who you love what's your christmas message oh i didn't i think my christmas um message is everybody should put on their favorite pair

of the coziest jeans that they own and pull them up as high as they can and sit in front of a fire and dip your toe in that fire and light yourself on fire that's a great message it's so sweet of you you're welcome and uh ian would you like to send a christmas message to our listeners um i want you guys to uh listen to all these podcasts over again and buy the t-shirts otherwise known as giving yeah giving guys give you heard ian give buy shirts and work CDs my message is you know eat that pussy it's so tasty but what kind though girl pussy girl pussies not to be confused not man ejaculated man pussy wait a man pussies prison pussy great oh man pussy look it's it's been a great year we absolutely adore you our listening audience you guys have you guys have

enriched our lives and uh we can't wait to meet more of you out there on the road and also uh you know the show you guys have have created it and made it what it is so we owe a big thanks to you thank you for listening to the show thank you mommies it was a great it was a great no it was a great 2012 thanks to you guys so thank you guys 2013 is going to be even better even better thank you mommies ian bag thank you for coming thanks baggles thank you guys make sure you have god bless everyone god bless everyone listen to that email every girl pussy why pride guys that's the 2013 message white power it's all right to be to have pride have pride in in your whiteness be proud to be white guys okay i'm going to say what nothing wrong with it you know what i'm saying

yeah by humbug, well that's too strong cause it is my favourite holiday but all this years been a busy world, don't think I'd have the energy to ride in my already mad rush just cause it's Disney season the perfect gift for me would be completions and connections left from last year ski, stop and counter, most interesting, at his number but never the time most of anyone has a lot of those lines so depth those halls, trim those trees raise up cups of Christmas here, I just need to catch my breath

Christmas by myself this year to count the picture, fuzz and landscape, chill this room for 24 days evergreen, sparkling snow, get this room over with flashback to screen, time, song again, would have been good to go for lunch couldn't agree and we were both free, we tried, we said we'd keep in touch didn't of course till summer time, out to the beach to his boat but I don't him know this time it was me, sunburned in the third degree now the counter's just one page, of course I am excited

tonight's the night I set my mind, I could do too much about it dancing through the stone, cause I bundled up too tight last minute, have to do a few cards, a few calls because it's RSVP no thanks, no party lights, it's Christmas Eve gotta relax, turn down all of my advice last fall, had a night's my style, same guy called Halloween Party waited all night for him to show, this time his car wouldn't go forget it's cold, it's getting late, tried to run home and celebrate

in a quiet way, unwind, simple business right this time hey, he has invited me, when the world's small as turkey already in the oven, nice and hot, oh damn, guess what I forgot so I'm with the boots back out in the snow, to the only all night girls