Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Is Christina Still The Garbage Queen? w/ H. Foley & Kevin Ryan | Your Mom's House Ep. 878

Episode Date: September 23, 2026

Salt Lake City Pootah, the Main Mommy herself will be in you on October 9th and 10th as Wiseguys comedy club! Make sure to get your tickets at https://christinap.com/pages/tour-dates SPONSORS: Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. Join Wayfair Rewards today and get five percent back on every purchase. Head to https://Wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. Get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at https://Talkspace.com Christina P holds down the Mommy Dome with H. Foley and Kevin Ryan of Are You Garbage, and the boys show up ready to smoke indoors. Christina gives a full status report on the divorce diet, back on heaters after twenty years, white wine in the pool, sparkling rosé on weekends, one thin-crust Domino's Supreme a day, then demands to know if she's still the reigning Garbage Queen or if Jordan Jensen has taken the belt.From there: the locked drawer of Marlboro Lights with American Spirits on backup, the $228 Walmart pool that ruined a surgeon's view, whether a bedroom water cooler and coffee machine makes you Winston Churchill or a dirtbag, nugget supremacy, wasting good cheese on a burger, the correct way to bag groceries (eggs on the bottom, they build a perfect base), pickling every vegetable in the house, and Christina's $100,000 cat paintings, including a portrait of naked Tom Segura wrestling a bear.Then a full watch-along of M. Night Shyamalan's brand-new YouTube channel, where a man with thirty years of movies takes "a risk" by sitting on a bench next to a tree he planted for his dead dad. This leads directly into kids having taser fights under a bridge, Jackass, Johnny Knoxville, and why nobody in Hollywood ever tells anyone their idea sucks.TikTok Curations: the watermelon puncher, the outfit-of-the-day pervert, the man who cracks walnuts with his fingertips, and a kid crawling under a bathroom stall while a man is actively taking a shit. Plus: the Zac Efron DM remains unanswered, the Batwing, burping the alphabet until you puke, Kevin's $200,000 Hawaii cliffside wedding with a ten-minute set in the vows, and the correct way to reheat a slice. Your Mom’s House Ep. 878 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters00:00:00 - Intro00:00:12 - The Are You Garbage Boys Tackle The Divorce Diet00:08:38 - Is Christina Still The Reigning Garbage Queen?00:15:05 - Opening Clip: Nuggets You've Never Heard Of00:16:43 - Walmart Above-Ground Pool00:19:11 - Nugget Rankings & Wasting Good Cheese00:22:40 - Randall's Takes & Pickling Everything00:27:08 - M. Night Shyamalan's Cool YouTube Channel00:34:08 - Taser Fights Under The Bridge00:36:46 - Jackass, Co-Parenting, & Heater Hypnotist00:44:09 - Christina's TikTok Curations00:48:34 - DM-ing Zac Efron & Naked Bear Art00:54:05 - Back To The Toks01:03:55 - Pizza Hack01:06:49 - Indian Content Corner01:08:49 - Wrap Up01:09:59 - Closing Song - "I'm Taking a Shit Homie" by Ramsay McQueen Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Guys with me, the RU Garbage team is here. Come on, Foley and Kevin. I'm so fucking glad you guys are here. Yo, hey, let's fucking smoke, dude. Does he have an ashtray? Does Foley need an ash right? Yeah, so I basically now...

It's got ash on the floor. You're single now. What are we doing here? Let's go. Dude, I've been engaging in such, such trashier behaviors since. You're returning back to your roots, your true roots. You can never shake it. You can never, that's the thing. Money don't change it.

It doesn't change it. You are who you are. What are we talking about here? Okay. Dejorno pizzas? Are we talking about like spring break? Worse than Dejorno. You tell me, you tell me, is this worse than dejorno?

So I've been picking up the darts after 20 years. That's all right. Sigs are coming back in fashion. And I think we have a big, we're a very heater heavy pod. And I think we're part, you know, listen, I would take money from Philip Morris immediately. If they cut me a check I don't think you should smoke

I don't think you should smoke I think it's bad but if you smoke I get it I get it. I get it. Not only that like in Europe they still smoke everywhere else in the fucking world. It's crazy I saw a pregnant we're at a wedding and a pregnant woman was just

crushing here in Europe yeah and I heard it's like I'm like here's okay over there I don't know why here she'd be arrested immediately over there was just like I'm like okay I was like, okay, maybe one. Not true. I'll let one slide. I'll have a glass of red wine, though.

Of course. Have you been to Florida? I've seen pregnant people smoking. Sure. Pregnant women in front of movie theaters? My mom smoked. I'm fine. Yeah, you're fine.

You look great. You got a head on the SATs. Thank you very much. What's going on? Why? I did zip-bound. Oh, that's the... They're walking a lot, not eating a lot.

That's all you can do at this age. Just stop eating. You're just going to stop eating. It doesn't do it for me anymore, which sucks. That's the one thing it took away. I have no, like, comfort thing drugs, booze, nothing. It's all going. I'm a live wire. It's bad news.

So what do you do? What do you mean? You're just white knuckling or you want an SSRI of some kind? I take a FXOR. Is that an SSRI? Yeah, good. And therapy and meetings and all that stuff. Yeah, it's brutal. It's worse than the addiction. I'm telling you. I know. You're digging up all to shit, all this stuff sucks. Here's what I'm thinking. Pretty fucked up. up. Because I'm 50 and I'm like, yeah, but I've been like good for so many years. Like, maybe I can just write out the next 20 like this. Just being a dirt bag, can I? You're having heaters.

What do you? But this is a little refined. What are we talking about? You got a cortado or something in front of you. Is this not bad? I feel like this is terrible. I feel like this is terrible. What have you been doing?

Ripping darts. Okay, so here's my thing. I'm up to 50 milligrams of Prozacaday. That's what I have for breakfast. Some coffee. And then. And then I'm not hungry until noon, which is when up until recently, I would order one thin crust

Domino's Supreme Pizza. Thin crusts from Dominoes, I respect the choice. Wait, normally you've been doing that? For a month, and I've been living in my swimming pool ripping darts, that's all I do, and drink wine. I drink white wine, and I rip darts in my pool. So you fucking, you've won life is what you're saying? What are you talking? That's like, I respect.

Listen, and I haven't seen the pool, but I don't think it's above ground. No. Salt water? What do you got? Salt water? Yeah, salt water. No, it's chlorine because apparently there's not a big diff. But hold on. Do you think that Dejornos? is trashier than Domino's? I didn't know you were doing Domino.

Listen, I'm a big proponent. So am I. Domino's has beat Pizza Hut in the recent year. Growing up, Pizza Hut was it, obviously. Pizza Hut ran it. But now they're fucking... Domino's got their shit together. Together, bro.

Who's Papa Jones, by the way? Okay, maybe... But did they have a thin crust? I think everybody's banging a thin crust nowadays. Dude, that shit shows up so fast. Also, in my head, you're going light on the carbs. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. barely even crust. Well, here's the thing. With my divorce diet, all I do is drink wine, ripped darts. What kind of wine you're doing? Are you doing fancy, fancy wine? Cheap stuff, or? I do, no, I do like to have a son-saire.

Oh, son-sere. Wow. I didn't know you're in the presence of royalty. Oh, that's Sancerre? No. Of course, all. Is that Jackie Kennedy sitting there? It can't be holy.

Holy shit. A Sun-sair. You date in a Greek-o-tycoon? Don't get too fucking stoked, okay? Okay. And then I do a sparkling rosé on the weekend. Jesus Christ. I love it.

Why, you guys are my friends in real life. It's like, I can't have you on this show and pretend like anything happening, guys. I know. That's what I was going to do because I'm used to not addressing problems. That's the only thing. That's how I know how to handle problems. It's either we don't talk about it or we have to fight now. You're so white.

That's what whites do, yeah. Yeah, it's Irish, Catholic, repression, don't know how to handle a lot of booze. I think we should go back to that because I'm being in therapy, all this stuff, digging up all this stuff. I like the 50s. Don't say a word swallowing. I know. And then I have a heart attack at 50 seconds. But here's the thing.

Once you delve into all that therapy, because I do all that and drink and smoke and do Prozac, it's like, it just makes you want to do shit more, yeah? Yeah. Eh, it's bad news. So you're walking? Walking's helpful. I walk a lot. I like walking.

Yeah, walking's good. Yeah. Walking's good. What were you doing before? Just eating a lot? I was eating a lot. I was eating my feelings. I was doing drugs.

I was drinking. I was denying all this stuff, not moving at all. and now I live in Ian's basement, so I've got to walk a little bit. A little bit of a different situation than what you got going on. Things are going great. What's going right over an AIG studio?

Sounds like Foley and I are on the same life path. I think, yeah, I think your pool's nicer, though. Me and my wife are splitting hundreds of dollars. Well, I heard some really exciting news about you. What? I hear there's an above-ground pool. No, that's me. What?

When above ground, baby. $228 from Walmart. That's the leader. Do we live in a better country? than that? No. Yeah, 228 bucks. Pool. Backyard. Ruin the grass. Neighbors don't like it. Yeah. But, you know, I had my best summer. The neighbors were like real. Why would they give a fuck? Hold on. You did it in the front yard? No, I did. I'm not a fucking animal. What the fuck? He's grilling out there? I'm not Eastern Europeans. So what do they care if it's in your back?

They don't care, but it's like, you know, I live next to a surgeon. So it's like, you know, I live next to a surgeon. So it's like, You know, he's, they, they just like very meticulously curated houses and mine is not. I don't have to. Of course. I'm worried about this and that's suburban. They didn't complain. It was just more of like, uh, it's an eyesore. It was lopsided.

So, you know. Can they see into your backyard? Yeah. Do you, first fucking things first. You got to. Hey, what the heck? That's not me. Jesus Christ.

What are you guys? The CIA? Wow. Yeah. Dude, that's a nice one. It turned green a bunch. That's a shock in a couple of times. I lost the pool.

Dude. It's like ecco cooler. Yeah. Yeah, it was a bumpy song, but it was fun. It was great. But that's nice. That's a big one. What is that?

Yeah, it's 14 feet. That's a huge. That's a huge. No, but it's real shallow. It's only like two and a half feet deep. So you got to fucking hippo mode it. Well, can I tell you what I've wanted to do? Because I do have a pool, but I lack a jacuzzi.

Okay. Now, here's a thing. Anything in Texas takes a million years to build. I got the answer for you. Please. Just stand-alone jacuzzi. You're a white trash. Thank you.

Lottery winner. You fucking, you're for sure. You're new money. Put the living room. Dude. I'm single. I can do whatever the fuck you want. I should put it in my bedroom like everything else.

My coffee machine's in there. I got a water cooler now in my bedroom. I don't have to leave it. A doctor's office? That's insane. I got a water cooler. I don't want to leave my bedroom ever. Like Winston Churchill.

Is it like the five-gallon? It's a big one. Like at a doctor's office. Yes. I have a water cooler in my fucking room. I got a coffee machine. That is a classy. But like if you're never leaving the room, you're a dirt bag.

If you do it or you're like, I drink the reverse osmosis water right when I wake up, I make a latte, whatever. But if you're just living in your room hunkered in. Yeah. It's like gray gardens in there. And I have two cats. I had one cat. This is how there will be blood in there. I'm finished.

You're going to beat one of your producers with a bowling pin and be like shooting rifles in the house. Well, let me ask you this. How many cats is a trashy number? Because I'm working my way up. When did you get the two cats? You've always had them? No. The first cat I got two years ago.

And then I was like, I got two hands. I need one for each cat. Okay. So now I'm on the second cat. But every time I see a little stray buddy or I want to go to the shelter, you know what I mean? Like, I want like 10. That's too many. That's too many.

You're not there yet. Because the house is probably pretty big too. You're going to lose them. They're going to be wild cats inside and that's not good. You have Ivy grown on the house. You don't want to do that. We're going to have to do an intervention or something. We're not there yet.

Enjoy the pizza, hang out in the room, whatever you want to do. But most importantly, before we begin. Wait, we're not recording? I've been fucking killing. I haven't even done the intro, but I just need to know this because I've been wondering since the last time I saw you. Okay. Am I still the reigning queen?

Yeah, you're up there for sure, right? Yes. Yeah, I don't know. Jordan Jensen came close. Jordan's really trash. I was going to ask about her. Yeah, she's trashy. She's trashy, but she's like a little different.

She's like, like, like, you know, sticks trash. She's like forest trash. Yeah, moonshiner. Yeah, like, grew up as a carpenter. Tom Arnold's wedding, right? Yes, I was. There's pictures of me in Life magazine. Yeah, you can't, you can't put that.

That's trash. And then, oh, last time I saw you, I remember I got a snake bite? and I cut my hand. Dude, this last weekend, I was sitting in this hot tub, and I got fucking, not my hot tub. This friend of mine who lives in the hills, and all these ants were everywhere, and I got bitten by something,

and I got a huge allergic reaction. I mean, that's pretty garbagey, isn't it, to sit in someone's filthy? Was it above ground? No. It was like, fancy. She's real rich, yeah. You were in California?

No, no, and West Lake here. Oh, there's hills here. Yeah, I don't live there. This is, like, fancy, rich. But I did get an ant bite that created a reaction. Yeah, but you were in a nice, probably like, you know, built into the landscape. Yeah.

It's like how we're lowering our footprint. It's built within the lake. You didn't like, that's pretty classy. Oh, Salt Lake City, Shark Lake Titties. I'm coming to you at Wise Guys Comedy Club October 9th and 10th. Grab your Diet Cokes and meet me there. As summer winds down and autumn approaches, I think it's time we all collectively admit it's by far the better season when it comes to being out.

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Divorced as well? Remarried. Okay. All right. So girls' night, you're hanging out in the hot tub? Yeah. Oh, I've been doing a lot of that. That's classy.

A lot of hanging out in the pool with girls ripping darts, having fun, drinking. Okay. So that's my life. That's okay. You're processing. You're all right. figuring it out. And I'm, but just to be clear, I still am trashier than Jordan Jensen.

For sure. Yeah. For sure. You said that very convincingly. Yeah. That's very... You're eating Domino's every day. True.

Also, yeah, that's not, I forgot about that. Which is crazy. And you're ordering it yourself? Like, you were going on there, not an assistant, nothing like that, so just showing up? No, you just door dash or whatever. You just comes to, what do you mean? Yeah. Yeah.

I got, do you have, you don't have the Domino's app, do you? No, but I have the 7-11 app and I order darts to the house. Yeah, but yeah, I know, you got to, yeah. I have that. I have it too for when we're down here. That's bad. What's the car? That's not a great.

Are you cleaning the car regularly or no? Is it dirty? It's dirty. It's always. Right now if you were to look at my car, there's half an eating breakfast bar, half a bottle of water, lipstick, like, just shit everywhere. I got kids. I got a question.

Yeah, kids, I just got a new car. Forget it. I have one son and my wife and it's like, it's, it just goes. It's just, you just lose it. Yeah. I don't understand it. But how many people? Packs of cigarettes are at the house at the moment.

Oh, I got... How many open? How many unopened? Great idea. Oh, not only that. Okay, so I got a drawer that I lock everything in so that the kids can't see what I'm up to. Okay? Very good parents.

So hold on. I got at least five pack of Marlboro light darts that I keep on hands. Unopened. American spirits for backup when I... These don't cut it. And then some blue camel lights. And then hold on. Oh, and then I started vaping.

Kim Congdon got me into vaping. He's been vaping, too. It's great. I just quit. Yeah, it hurts. Last night or this morning. Two weeks. Back on the heaters.

Something healthy. I feel like these are way healthier. This is organic matters, dude. All right. You guys are great. Let's start with this opening clip. Are you ready? Please.

You guys got your cans on? Here we go. Canned up. I am dipping nuggets you've never heard of into sources you could never understand. Is this a friend you were in the hot tub? Not talking about nuggets. I'm talking about nuggets. nuggets. She's ripping

heaters. I'm ripping heaters. I don't give it. Yeah. It's a heater crew, dude. It's the year. Is that okay? Of course it's okay. Like I have. Help yourself. What do you What are you ripping? Camels. Yeah, that's a good. You see? The blues? Yeah. I like the blues. Yeah, have yourself. Every pack of cigarettes he has looked like they'd be like

they were in a pool or something. The box immediately fucking crumbles and flaps open. It's crazy. They were in Fallujah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh man She's off the deep end this one Sniffin Sigs is wild

I get it I get it I felt that in my belly But it's wild You're moving bad I'll tell you why I'll tell you why I'll tell you why

Hold on the theme song Is February Okay She's over the theme song This is cut it God this is my first This is what I smoked first And the smell

It's of raisins Camelite These smell so good to me Raisins Yeah they smell like raisins Oh This is not, it doesn't smell like shit. Smell this.

These don't do anything to your lungs. Those really shred you up. And I kind of like that. Listen, I've smelled my fair share of Marlboro lights, my friend. Yeah. So what else? What's new? You got the above ground pool.

It sounds like a fucking killer summer. Yeah, it was great. It's gone now. It's gone. I had to take it down, obviously. Trap a $228 bucks. I probably got five, six weeks out of it. It's not bad.

It's great. How old are your kids? 15 months. Okay, so when they get a bit older, Wait, oh, they're twins. No, just one. I only have one. 15 months.

Boy, girl. Okay, yo, here's what you're going to do next summer. You're going to get an inflatable thing from Amazon, like these inflatable jump-oruny water things. Go to Amazon right now. It's like a play. Type in jump-oruny. Like a jumping water thing. They blow away at high wind sometimes.

Those are great videos. Those are great. The kid didn't make it, but yeah, great videos. People are freaking out. Yo, you put that in your backyard. Summer made, bro. That boy is going to love it. Yeah, one of these things?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Go to Walmart, spend $230, and you got yourself a whole summer. We were talking about maybe getting an actual pool, but I think that's on hold. It's just not going to use it. It's going to take forever, too. They're fucking crazy, expensive. How much are they? It's like $100,000.

Shut the fuck up. I swear, pools are insane. You got $100,000? Yeah. That's pretty good. Damn. We make the save a hundred of money. That's crazy.

Hey, it's crazy. He'll be like, how do you, what do you just pay that at the end of the month? Yeah. I mean, he makes it, he actually, like, I'm like, I'm a minimalist. I live in this insane lifestyle. It's like, I drive a Tahoe. I have a $2.28 pool. Yeah.

But he makes it, yeah. What's going on? What are you spending money on? I did spend a lot of it on nefarious things. Sure, sure. We're building our way out of it. It's not good with it, you know? Yeah.

I feel like my mission is to die in the gutter at a certain point. Right? I mean, you know? Right? Play this out. Right. I love how you're trying to connect with her on that. She's in like a $70 million house.

You're going to die in a gutter, right? You know what you're talking about. Like a true artist. The boys get me? Yeah. They all have more money than you too. I know. Yeah.

What can do? Can the wife watch the money? Can someone else do the money? Yeah. We have a business. Yeah. We have a business manager. Yeah.

J.B. They got her wrangle. They got her fucking to dial you in, dude. What are you doing? I guess. I don't know. And 50, do they? What do I got?

What are we doing here? That's true. Hold on. I have a good clip for you guys. Hit us. Wait, what was that? Who's this broad? That's the lady I was kicking it with.

No, it wasn't. Yeah, dude. She's got in the nuggets. I'm going to have to fucking, I'm going to have to call CPS that this is who you're hanging out with. You do it. You do it trivia night and stuff like that speed day. They didn't get out of here with that. But she's got nuggets that she's dipping in all kinds of places.

I don't get that innuendo. What is it? I'm, maybe I'm a brood, but she's like, she's dipping nuggets. She's dipping her nuggets. What are her nuggets? I mean, they're whatever you want. That's what I'm saying. Well, first of all, which is the superior nugget?

Are we talking? Oh, McDonald's. Right? Hands down. Yeah, but still, forget about it. Yeah. Hey, what about Chick-fil-A? My kids are into the Chick-fil-A.

The Chick-fil-A tray is a standard. You know what I mean? You get the Chick-fil-A nugget tray for Christmas and stuff like that. Serves like 15, 20 people. Oh. That's a different thing. We did it on Eastern this year. Yeah.

Really? Great. Yeah. Wow. But standard nuggets, it's Mickey D's. I think so, too. I for sure. That's just because that's what we were raised on.

Yeah, nobody's touching Mickey D's just the way it is now. Yeah, she's delicious, dude. All right. What about this? Hold on. We got nobody putting the cheese on the burgers. I'd never seen that. What do you do up here with all that taste?

Without cheese. So we use the fancy cheese on our burgers. What are we using here? The only cheese we hate it. We're using a cheese tray. Okay. That's the only cheese. chase we got. We're acting like we're fancy

using real good chase. They got pepper jack. They got cheddar. And Colby which is the weirdest cheese of all. Colby. Yeah. Colby tastes like nothing. Yeah. It's strange. I don't know what the take on this

video is. I walked in. When I saw that, I went there wasting that good cheese on those me. Me too. Me too. I don't know what that says about me if that's a good thing or a bad thing. It's definitely trashy. It's bad. They think. it's fancy. I think it's fancy.

I've, can I, I, I just, that made me realize that I've never put anything other than American or cheddar on a burger in my entire life. Cheddar, you don't do Swiss? Fuck you, Swiss. Really? Disgusting. What are you, a communist? That's crazy.

It's disgusting. I didn't know you could put other cheeses on burgers. No. When I go somewhere and I'll go, I'll do the burger, like, oh, wait, what kind of cheese? I go, American. I don't know. I don't even go on an opposite. I don't know.

That's what I'm saying. I go, like, I don't. Do you have Gorgonzola? Like, I've never ordered Gorgonzola anywhere. No, me neither. Munster? Munster. I don't even know.

I don't know what an option is. What's an option? I mean, these fools of thinking about. You go American or cheddar? That's it. Same thing I want to do an omelet. I'll be like, an omelet. And they go, what kind of your cheese?

You want to go, cheddar? That's me being like tooty tooty. Yeah. Can I cut on an omelet. What are you talking about? There's no taste to it. You got to do American on an omel. Gouda?

Gouda. That's super. gay, dude. Young Gouda? Gouier. Come on. Who's getting this shit? Grier.

Grier. Who gets this in their house? Pepper Jack, I could kind of see, maybe. Pepper Jack's the flavor the week. Adds a spicy kick, melts decently well, making it a favorite for heat secret. No, they're hot right now. Nobody really likes pepper jack. They just like it's saying.

Oh, good pepper jack. Yeah, it makes you sound special. Yeah. I don't even sure I've ever had pepper jack. It's bullshit. I like Gouda, but on its own. I don't know. I've never...

Who's doing the grocery shopping at the house, though? Oh, I do. Do I Instacart? You do? I always have, yeah. Yeah, why? What do you think that I live in Downton Abbey and I don't do anything? I don't know.

I don't do anything. Can I tell you what I really like? I like the H.E.B. But I prefer Randals because it's even trashier than H.E.B. My buddy, I was met out with my buddy who lives here last night. He goes, everybody makes fun of me for going to Randals. Love Randals. Here's why I prefer Randals to H.

She's cheaper, too, I think. That's what he said. Well, I don't know about that. But I do know that. but I do know that the selection is significantly less. So you got less to work with. You only got salt and vinegar chips, that's it? You're in and out.

And they always hire special needs people to work the registers and the baggers. So I love that. I really wish they brought back more special needs people to be baggers. But you're not doing it there. You're ordering in. Well, not all the time. When I can go to Randalls, I take the kids. You go, hey, look at the retarded guy, bagging your groceries.

It's going to be you one day. I was a bagger, too, so I get it. That's a skill because there's an whole art form to bagging groceries. Don't get me started. I got bagging takes that'll blow you. I go eggs on the bottom. That's how I'm not side. Eggs on the bottom.

You can't do that. That's against the rules. You're crazy. Eggs on the bottom. If you're in the industry, you know. Yeah, they're in the container. It's also very hard to crack an egg unless you, like, drop it. Those brown ones, they're like, cutoff.

And it creates a great base at the bottom. bottom. You get a fucking 18, you get a dozen and a half. Boom, that keeps the bag perfectly erect. You stack on top of it. Okay. I'm not saying you put your fucking five pounds of tomato tomatoes on there, you know. So what do you put on top of the eggs? Anything boxed. Anything boxed. Serial. You're no wafers. Serial. You got, you know. Is that you're getting all the wafers? I love it. And I've eaten cream of wheat. Apparently, that's trash. Is cream of wheat? I love cream of wheat. What? You're the weirdest person I've ever met. You might be the only person eating cream of

of wheat and dominoes every day that exist in walking this planet. No one does it. No one's ever done that. You're a man, wheat. You're calling me crazy. And I've been pickling things like beats like my Eastern European. I've got jars of pickled. She's lost it. Get Dr. Drew in here.

Let's see what we should have Drew on actually pretty soon. He's been really nice. Okay. Yeah. That's your, yeah, that's what are you pickling? What are you pickling? Eastern Europeans, you pickle all the vegetables. You can pickle anything.

I do green beans, cauliflower. You can pickle anything. I like to make my own pick. You guys don't do that. Americans don't pickle anything, I thought. No. I live in a basement. I'm not pickling anything.

I've been living out of a roller bag for the last five months. But you look so tan. Where are you getting your sunshine from? I got a little color this weekend. Where were we before? We in L.A. Got a little color out there. Yeah.

Yeah, that's about it. Keep it up on the tan for a little while. That's my focus. You know, what color you'd be all right? It's it. You need 15 minutes. That's true. You do.

You need a little. You look good, though. You do. And that's all that matters is how you look. I've been telling them that. That's all that matter. We're in Hollywood. What are we doing here?

Everything's on killing it. I'm going to kill both of you. I don't have a similar today. Not today. You don't want to, okay. Not today. Then you know what? Devil's knocking on the door.

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Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know the same way you can skip an ad. I get it. I'm Siaiaa and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today I'm still figuring it out. somehow things usually get worse before they get better apparently that's how I roll

so bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC gem then you know what I want you to see I know you guys are huge M-night shaman Malam Malam and fans I saw them once we did you did where we saw him outside of like a Finnegan's wake or something yeah something who's kids nice guy good guy great actor doesn't give a lot of credit for his acting well

I'm so excited to announce that he has started his own YouTube channel, because I know you guys are dying to get to know him. Wait, it's like, it's like POV content? Or is he put, he's like shooting stuff and putting it out there? Or is he like an influencer now? Well, let's see. I just want you guys to get a feeling for this, okay? Here we go.

I'm M. Night Shyamalan. We know. A filmmaker. Make movies for a living. Got, bored already. This is my YouTube channel. What I hope it is. I hate his socks. I hate his jeans.

He's an opportunity to reflect and get to each other. You gotta get you, come on. The first 30 seconds matter. You gotta get him, you gotta keep him. Mr. Beast is killing. That's right. Oh, it's insufferable. Shut up. You're behind the camera for a fucking reason, dickhead.

Why? Go away. Go on vacation. What do you do it? Just watch this. I'm scared. And when I'm scared, I usually feels like I'm doing something right. It's growing. growing, the messiness of it all. What messiness? You're not saying anything. He hasn't said a fact yet.

And permission to be not great. Well, congratulations. Both for you guys and for me and to... How many views does this have? If this says more than what I get on an episode, I'm gonna kill somebody. You know, it's like 30 years making movies and I want to undo it a little bit. Why? Why?

Big sense was great. Why would you undo it? And anybody's head. Oh, my God. Maybe a reflective part of my life. And so maybe this is a part of that. But something about it feels right. As long as I don't feel like I'm breaking anything that is important.

Who is this for? Who is going, I need M. Night Chamelon content? No one's ever said that. His last four movies tanked. It's like you're not even watching the thing you're good at. No one's doing it. I know. I can't.

I can't. This just broke me. This just broke me. Stop. Go away. Stop it, dude. Take a vacation. It's over.

It's also like we started doing the YouTube content and podcast because we couldn't fight nobody. You wouldn't kiss me. Yeah. Ced. Yeah. Joke off your shot fucking signs in my hometown. I could have been an alien.

You didn't knock on my door. This is why you're here to watch this with me. This is exactly the outrage I feel. I just don't get it. Why? What the fuck are we doing? I'm sorry. We've been traveling a lot.

I didn't get good sleep. Well, and this also bothers me. It's very similar to Garth Brooks's attempt at being a human being. Yeah, it's a dude, you're missing even like genuine, genuine connection. The shirt and pie, the ruffled jeans, the sneakers, the bench. And he's so far gone from humanity because he's been so rich for so long. You think so? He's got a lot of cash.

For sure. He's been doing movies for how many years? I mean, the $0.6.000 did crazy, right? If he had a couple of points, that was still prime BB days. I mean, and now he wants us to know him as a person, but he's so insufferably boring. Yeah. God. I also...

$80 million. It's fucking crazy. Why is he doing a YouTube channel? Stop! When's enough enough? Also, that bench doesn't live there. Like, you carried that out. You had a set director.

You had a wardrobe guy. Well, hold on. Speaking of the bench, he's going to tell you a little bit about it. By the way, this is my little bench. Oh, that's fucking crazy. I'm living in a basement, dickhead! Actually, my office gave me this as a present. Oh, they gave it to you or you paid for it, dummy.

In there, actually. Oh, in there. I'm out here to kind of calm it down when I'm not feeling. You're the slowest moving man in the world. Just to calm it down. You calm it down anymore. You're not going to have a pulse, jerk off. What does you have a game after school?

What's the shirt in time? This guy stinks, dude. He's... I liked him, too. He's from Philly. We gotta love him. Good guy. This button.

No, he sucks. It's insufferable. How many... Can you get information as YouTube account? Yeah, let's see what's going on. This has almost two million views. What? Are you fucking kidding me, man?

We're cooked, dude. That's all bots. That's, yeah. That's all paramount money. How many subscribers does he have? What are the comments? Yeah. If he's not getting track...

We got to go deeper. Oh, no. Look at the prolog. We got a beat on subscribers. Five videos. Movie director. Oh, my God. Two million views, 12 days. This guy's doing numbers, though. I respect it. God. Diary while filming. Oh, my God. Could you imagine, I mean, just for a second, could you imagine being this enamored of yourself? No. We genuinely dislike ourselves. So much. And like, if I'm not entertaining within two seconds, I'm getting the sweats. I'm nervous. It's like when you're a performer, you know monkey dance.

And he doesn't have that in him of like dance. Come on. Oh, I'm so jealous that he doesn't have that in him. Some intern or somebody who works for him said YouTube is very big right now. He sat in a boardroom at like CAA. And they're like, shout out to the boys. Shout out to the boys. Shout out to the people.

They're like, some guys like, these kids are doing great on YouTube. You know, we should fucking, what about YouTube? These island boys are hot. Yeah. Oh, that's, you know, but I get it. He's got to stay with the times a little bit. No, you don't. No, you don't.

He doesn't have to. He's so far, he doesn't need to do any of that. But, like, you still create. He is an art, like, you know, we're shitting on him. He is an artist, and it's like, as corny as that sounds. But it's like, he's got, he does have the thing in them to keep doing it, you know. Keep doing something. Make a movie.

Make a movie. Make a movie. Yeah. Maybe it. Get off the YouTube and go make a good movie. Go to Thailand. Something. Lady boys

Have fun Have fun Yeah What are you doing yourself How much Well how did his last movie do Can you get a I think it was the island

One the beach one He's been struggling I feel like Not that I'm a movie maker And obviously You're going to the fucking electric chairs I don't know Cranking heat

I respect it I'm jealous Let's go Breaking the mold Trap I'll keep up with 2024 Crap

I never even heard of this Again It grossed 83.7 million I remember Production budget I think made $50 million. Okay, okay. Still.

That's crazy. That's, I mean, movies, I mean, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. You know what? I'm sitting here criticizing this guy. I know. I know. Okay, but look, okay, I agree. I can't afford a pool.

What the fuck am I talking about? This is not my type of entertainment, but this, I want tickets to immediately. What? What's this? Is that taser fights? Sick. Right? I love it.

He's trying to compete with. this on a bench? Yeah, dude, you're never going to... A collared shirt? Yeah. Dude, this crash is so hard. That guy's laughing. Yeah, they love it. And also, you probably shouldn't be in water, no? That's the fuck. I don't know how electricity works, but that's a grounding issue.

These kids are crazy. I shout out to it. This is more entertaining than every M-Not Sharmalaman YouTube video. He's going to put out. Well, that's the thing you're all... We're all... We're all comedians, and it's like, there's a 14-year-old black kid that can make the funniest video. It's funnier than anything we've ever

thought of. I know. Anything we've ever tried to craft. It's like, I'd watch this over anything M. Night Chamelan does out. And that guy who's getting tased, they make it $80 million. Oh, yeah. You can't get me out of my house to go see it. I'm not Shammala movie. I would leave immediately to go in a dirty time. I won't watch

Mnichamelon in my house. You know what I mean? It's on the TV. It's four presses away, four buttons away, and I'm not going to do it. This, I would get out of my bed at midnight and find the sooner. If tonight they were like, hey, you've got to change your flight, There's taser fights under the bridge. I'd go, tell my wife I'll be home tomorrow. This kid's pointing it out there.

How do we find out where the next taser fight is? I've been tased before. Really? Yeah, I did it to impress a girl at a party. Did it work? Yeah. We dated for like a year. Was she cool?

Yeah. Obviously, she's dating a guy who gets tased. Because she's the coolest girl at school. We used to put a dog collar on the electric fence thing. Yeah. And walk in front of the TV. Yeah, we had a... You never got laid from it, though.

We had a buddy who was like... selling low levels of drugs and he thought he needed it. So he brought out a taser at a party. It was fun. You got any nickel at the house? You got a piece of the house? I'm sorry?

Gun? Good Lord. I'm sorry? Douta. Sincere, I said. Yeah, we got lots of guns in my house. Really? Fucking fuck around.

Don't you come out. Try me, fatso. Yeah. Who's fatso? Where was it from? Was it casino? You can fucking try me, fatso. It's the greatest line.

That's a good line. Yeah, tons of guns. a lot of guards. Don't even fuck with Pajitsky. You got it. Nice. You've got guards at the house. Of course.

That's better with the white wine and the living in the pizza and all and stuff. That's all right. You got the guards out there. That's good. Yeah, if we need more stuff like this. I'm all about this kind of stuff. Not in night.

Well, this is why I miss the time before the internet because you really could just, this is what people did to entertain themselves. Like, I feel like, I don't know, walking around in the 90s, you'd see some guys skateboarding. This is how like jackass got started. It was always starting.

by skateboarders. Bored young dudes putting firecrackers in their ass or tasing each other. It was great. It was a wannabe. I'd skateboarded. I was bad. But skateboarded outside in the suburbs of Philadelphia where Jackass or CKY started. It was like, that was, you couldn't tell us. We went and I bought like a $300 video camera and I'm like, we're going to jump out of, you know, get a shopping cart and crash it into stuff. Like that's what we're doing. It's so good. I show my kids, We watch it every night. It's the fucking, by the way, Knoxville's doing Fear Factor 2. Johnny Knoxville, come on your mom's house.

I want to talk to you. We've had Steve O on, but I would love to interview in Knoxville. Yeah, that shit's so good, dude. That shit's so funny. Again, funnier, it's the funniest stuff in the world. I can watch those fools shave their eyebrows, tase each other, fuck each other up all day. It's funny. At this time, we didn't realize the damage they were doing to themselves.

I know. Which is crazy. The shit that Knoxville would do on that rocket. And he still does. He still does. On the last movie, they're still making these movies. Yeah. It's like the blindfolded fighting the bull and shit.

He does all the bull stunts, Knoxville. He does the craziest ones. And M. Night Chamaun's coming on, sitting on a bench and a collared shirt. His fuck. Hi, I just thought I'd get out here and take a risk. What? Talking on a bench. Yeah, that's like, that's how protected that guy is that that's a risk.

I'm going to sit here. Yeah. Dude, take a risk. Meanwhile, there's probably, it's getting shot on a fucking $50,000 camera. There's people making all these decisions.

So it's like, you're not taking a risk. The guy getting tased under a bridge is taking a fucking risk. You know what the risk is? You're right is the criticism. Because guys like him, especially in like proper Hollywood,

are so insulated. Nobody tells him that anything is a dumb idea. Sure. There's nobody in his world that is like, hey guy, this fucking sucks. No one's told him that he sucked in a million years.

Yeah. Whereas stand-ups, people tell us every fucking minute. Told me to say I woke them up this morning. I rolled over and said, you suck. You suck. Either that or you always go in by the dumpsters, no matter how big a gig you have. You guys walk by the grease trap,

ruin your fucking new, my new Nike's that I got for to run. Yeah, it's like, it is, it's obviously, it's a very humbling, but in a good way, you know, it's like, you can't really lie to yourself. a whole whole bunch. Not with stand up. It's tough too. You'll figure it out.

You stink? I stink. I stink. It's stand up. Everything. Yeah. You always got to know you stink. M. Knight thinks he's great.

He thinks he's, that's the problem. Once you believe your own hype. Even when we have really good nights on tour, like, you know, where it's like, you know, we're both in the pocket. It's just, you know, great, great stuff.

It's like, we did our job. It was like, that is what, you know, is expected of us. By the way. Not like, we're the best. We walk off. I go, great job, great night. No.

But we, it's either you pass or fail. Do you know how self-loathing I am? I got a standing ovation recently, and I ignore it. I'm so damaged inside. I saw them in my periphery standing, and I was like, up, got to go. Can't feel that. Do my eye contact. Gotta get going.

Got to go. Speaking of, Salt Lake City, Puta, Shart Lake Titties, I'm coming to you in October at Wise Guys. Not a ton of tickets left, but please get them now. That's such a fun one. Have you guys done that one? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that club.

I like those guys. You're on the road, huh? Very minimally. I have two dates that I'm doing. One in Chicago and then one in Salt Lake City for the rest of the year. And then I do mothership. I'm at a residency at mothership for November and part of October. And that's it.

I do spots here, you know, with the kids doing my thing. That's fun. The dominoes. Yeah, it's a full fucking thing. You know, I got to. He's going to, if I don't do the dominoes, who's going to eat the domino? Who's going to eat the domino? What are the holidays going to look like?

You have figured that out yet? Yeah, for sure. Thanksgiving. So that's a really good question. Because Tom and I are getting along, we're just doing them together. Like that. Very nice. Yeah, why not?

That's really good. No, we're keeping it together. I didn't have that. You guys were not. We flip flops. I hate that shit so much. It was all right. Yeah, but it wasn't like, they didn't have a co-parenting type.

Not in the 80s. No. No, it was like a, the cordial to drop off. Anytime they were together, like if they had to go to back to school night or something, I was like, ooh, man, this is. I remember one time I was having surgery, I broke my hand or something when I was like 12 or 13, and we had to go downtown to a doctor, like for the surgeon down, like in, you know, like UPenn or something.

And it was the first time we were ever all in me, my mom, and my dad in a car. And I was just like, I don't even. No. And then my mom hit him with like a, you know, like, he like blew a yellow light or something. There was some sort of criticism. And I was like, he could fucking just turn off this bridge right now and just kill us all. Yeah, it was like, I was just, it was like, yeah, it was cool. They never fought in front of each other.

And they never badmouthed each other, which was good. Yeah, the shit talker was always behind the scenes. Yeah, they'll tell your father that. Or look who's coming. he's bringing his new girlfriend. We never had. There was none of that. My grandmother told my mom, she was like,

you cannot, as much as you hate that man, you cannot trash him to, he's still their father. Never, and you know what? She did a good job of that. Now it's fair game, but not that we're all threats. But also Tommy and I have been friends since we were in our 20s. Like, we started stand up around the same time.

We've been in the trenches. Like, there's such a history. You can't really forget it. Yeah, it's kind of like this. He's always going to be family. We're always going to be family. That's a very good album. That's very healthy.

I know. Prozac or not, you know. 7,000 milligrams of prozac or not. Plus, here's the good news. Everybody's still rich. We're all right. That's what I said. We're still rich and alive.

It's all good. Back on heaters. Back on heaters. What else do you need? I'm going to get myself a year. So I actually contacted the hypnotist that got me off heaters. You're crazy. The first time.

I contacted me and Ms. Cleo's going to call. It's fucking moralize me. Well, she helped me 20 years ago. So I said, you know what? I'm going to contact she goes Christina, enjoy the heaters for now, I shouldn't say haters, but she's like, just stay on it,

burn it out. They'll burn out on its own probably. I have gone, I've flip-flopped a bunch and it's like I've got to the point where I go, oh, these'll never taste good. Like, they burn out. There's a shelf life on. Yeah, so right now it's interesting.

That's fun. What time you sleep until usually? Oh, I have kids. Like I was up at 6 this morning to get the kids, you know, for school and no, my life is very regimented and disciplined still. I can't go off the rails because I got babies. In the bedroom or down in the...

Oh, in the bed sometimes. If my kids aren't there, I'll eat the pizza in bed. Now the pizza comes up, are you doing a plate? You're eating out of the box? Out of the box. In the hand, the hand plate. The hand plate. Watching a show?

No, I don't like watching. I can't. I have a hard time watching stuff. I don't know. What are you doing? I sit... I scroll. Yeah, I like to watch TikToks and stuff.

Oh, I've heard. And I... Can we get into those? Yeah. Yeah, these are my favorite part of my life. All right, let's see. This is a little premature, but why not? What the fuck was that?

You're on a part of the internet I've never seen. And I'm on the internet a lot. You got to watch my stories on Instagram. I do. I've fallen into deep, deep holes in your story. Last night, I believe I did. Yeah, it's not good. It's not a safe place.

But why is he doing this? Can we watch it again? Yeah. It's barefoot. He's barefoot, too. It's like a smack. M-night. That's what you gotta do.

Why are you doing it? It feels like it doesn't need to be that violent. You know what it means? Like the first 90% of it has a lot of grace. It's like jujitsu-esque. And then he fucking smashes his legs down. But why does he have to do it? I don't think he has to do it.

For views, his art. What do you mean? Why does he have to? It's not like how he gets around. It's just so fun to watch him hurt himself. He's also a big guy to be moving. You know what I mean? That's like a clunky guy.

I know. It's going to hurt in the morning. I know. He is way too big. Like, my only least favorite walk or gait, as they call it, is when fat guys walk on their tippy toes because their calves are so strong. Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you have a fully?

No, he, you know, fact, yeah, fat guys have a service. certain, have like, there's like three or four unique fat guy walks. And you don't have, you have a regular guy. I remember you telling me that. Yeah, a regular guy. Yeah, what? It feels good. Yeah, your fat guy.

You have like a normal guy walk gate in a fat guy body. So it was like, but now everything, there's not as much friction. Everything's moving like a normal guy. I feel like I'm gliding. Yeah. Now, when you burp, are you still burping up rotten eggs? No, not with this that much. I really, I don't fight it anymore.

So, like, I really, you know, I got hit with the newspaper so many times where I eat small, like, I don't eat until I'm full. It just doesn't do it for me anymore. I don't like feeling full. Yeah, because it makes you want to throw up. Yeah, which I do a little bit sometimes, which is good. What are you picking out? You know what I mean? Can't turn into one of those pussies who doesn't puke.

What are you? What pushes you into puking? Nothing really anymore. Like if it catches me and I feel full, I'll just go in and make myself throw up. The only thing I would say I'm indulging in is like fruity candy every once in a while. That's it. Like, like Mentos. You know, nerds clusters, skittles.

Yeah, but that's really it. Yeah. Yeah, I'm over it. I like feeling good and, you know, for me, looking good. Yeah. You know? I've really been into cheese hits lately, too. Oh, okay.

I'm married, lady. Get all back away. There's nothing like after I've had the wine and it's like, like the last thing I eat before, but that nice salty, cheesiness, crunchiness. I almost pulled the trigger last night at a gas station on some cheez-lets,

but I didn't. But they're so fresh. Like, how do they fucking stand? How do you feel about the extra toasty? These are very divisive in the chees-in- No. No, fuck your mother white cheddar. What are my in the X-games?

Who fucking eats that shit? It's disgusting. It gets on your hands. That's what's great about cheeses. There's no residue. No residue. And it smells like, Like, shit.

It sounds like Fremunda cheese. Yeah, I don't like those at all, dude. You're brushing your teeth at night still? Yeah, yeah, I'm still into hygiene. You know what I really got into is talkies. My kids are into those. I never fucked with them. They're having a moment.

The internet made those like really kind of cool. Flaming hot Cheetos, you like them? No. Oh, they're all right. No. That's ratchet shit. That's ratchet. Tockeys are where it's at, dude. I mean, you got to try it.

Do yourself a favor. Don't eat the blue ones. It is kind of crazy because you're like a proper single mom. Like, you could go. real the wrong way. You're at a, I just hit me, you're at a very volatile

moment in your life where you could go to the road. What could happen? Like I gained 500 pounds. No, not even that. Start dating a veteran or something like that? Yeah. A veteran.

A cop or something? Going to softball games. Yeah, there's some guy in a band. Oh, who would I date in a band? Not even a good band. Like you could probably date someone

in the fucking, you know, the foo fighters or something. But don't go dating like a guy in a fucking cover band who works on 6th Street. Why not? Listen, I DMed Zach Ephron. Have not heard back yet, Zach Ephron. Really? Yeah, because I met him in the green room.

Good for you. He liked my set. And then Duncan was in here last time. And he's like, listen, every girl sucks that guy's dick. You got to DM him and be like, I am not going to suck your dick, Zach Efron. Is that what you said to Zach Efron? Yeah. Is he married? He's he married?

I mean, you didn't fact check that? You're just sending off. I'm not. You're insane. I'm such a boomer. I don't know. Let's see. Okay, boomer. I don't know how this works. Oh, by the way, you know what I'm going to do when I am ready?

Yeah, he hasn't answered me. He hasn't even seen the message. He finds his DMs are probably closed. That guy ain't in DMs. What the fuck's he in DMs for? Hey, thanks, so you like 17 again or whatever the fuck it's going? He's not a fucking DM. Wait, he's the kid from high school musical, right?

So we're talking about? I don't know. He's the guy, you got all that fucking broke his jaw or whatever. He got that huge. He had an accident. He did? Oh, now I like him even more. He's all damaged.

That's good for me. People are saying, should date 50 cent. I'm a big 50 cent guy. Same, I like him. Big huge 50 cent guy. Yeah, maybe. That's a, that's a turn.

I've never had a black. Okay, I don't think you will if you say it like that either. I don't know, we'll see. Yeah, I get that. That's, you know. But you're, you know, I think you're doing a good job of your, you know, get the heaters back. Yeah, yeah, it's slow. It's slow.

It's fun. You're blowing off a little steam. Yeah, that's right. That's all it is. We don't really see anything too alarming here. Okay. We should be worried about. Give it some time.

No, I'm actually, I'm getting better. I'm getting, I stopped eating the dominoes recently. Okay. And I'm making art again. Like, I've been making silly art, like cat art and stuff. What's cat art? Wait, what? I sell paintings.

These guys know. I sold one for $100,000. Painting? Painting? Painting? Mm-hmm. Yeah. You're painting.

Can you bring up, uh, fuck around and find out. I sold it for $100,000. And then I also did portraits of Tom naked, wrestling bears and things like that. You go ahead and show my art. I'm working on a piece right now. I don't know if this is a bit or not. That's not a bit.

I swear to God, I make bad art and I mean fantastic art and I sell it. I swear to God. Find the one of me of wrestling of naked Tom. You're lying. I promise you. I don't know. I don't know. I swear to God, I'm not lying.

I feel like this is a Nathan Fielder bit. I don't know. No. Okay. You guys find my artwork in the meantime I'm going to show them this next bit. This is pretty cool. Yikes. His wife must hate him.

I know, right. I love him. I know. Dude. Why is the shirt so tight? I know. I don't get that. I know.

It's a perfectly good water balloon. Oh, there's the painting right there. Yeah, that's, that's, uh, fuck around and find out. That's a really good painting. I wouldn't call that cat art. I was worried you were doing, like, taxidermy on dead cats. Yeah, I thought it was like you were taking hair from a cat and doing stuff. You're a painter.

No, no. You're a painter. No, this is great. And then can I, can we pull up the one? There's two of Tom on the mantle. No, no, no. The one is Tom as a cat. But where's the one of him and a bear?

When he's naked wrestling a bear? Find that one. How long have you been doing this? My whole life, really. You know, some are born with it. That one? Yeah, yeah, here. Okay.

He went, what's everybody? So that's him as a cat choking. Okay. What do you mean okay? That seems a little, you know, that's different. than that, I think you have to say. What do you mean? This is perfect. I don't know.

Perfect. That's got school shooter. Yeah, that's got... This one? Yeah. A little bit. I mean, there's some Elmer's glue involved in that. Oh, here we go.

This one's pretty good. Go ahead. Oh, that's just the first naked, Tom. But then there's Tom wrestling the bear. Did you put a piece of tape there? To cover his dick, because we had to show it on the show. Gotcha. Okay.

That's a good. That's good. He's got a tiny painter in there. Christina P. 823, 25? Yeah, so a year ago. Yeah, I was bored. Anyway, I got some big artwork coming up, you guys.

Very cool. Get ready. You should do it. You can do like a gallery? Run out of space to do a gallery. It's a great idea. It's a great idea. I'll take 10%.

Figure food, stuff like that. I'm going to do a show, a full show. All right. What do you guys think of the watermelon guy? Uh, yeah. It's a good watermelon. It's red. This is very just like, you know, what these people are doing.

I don't know. I don't know. How you ever figured out you could do that? There was no, I've come very close to doing that. You've never like been in dire straits. Hey, how about this? You're trying to open a bottle of wine. There's no wine opener.

So you do the fucking same method. You punch it down. Yeah. Sure. Same shit. So he's like, I gotta eat this watermelon. There's no knives. I'm in setting of a year.

That guy doesn't need to eat anything. Is that what he's doing it for? To eat the watermelon? How does this play out? No. You wouldn't keep doing it. He's got it open. He could then start.

I don't know. This is a weird. You know, it's too upsetting. Let's go. Next. Oh, this guy's bad. What's he doing now? Those potatoes?

Walnuts. With his finger, dude. Yeah, that's pretty good, right? This guy's probably brutal on an iPhone. I know. I feel like I had Hungarian uncles that would do this type of shit. Where is he from? There was a...

Arabic or some kind. Yeah. This is typical Eastern European shit too. Hmm. Yeah. Okay. You could date that guy. What the fuck?

That's pretty good talent. Yeah. Remember that a kid in elementary school that could do that? Yeah. No, he's blowing a bubble with a spit and then the bubble blows away. That's pretty hard. I can never figure that out. Me neither.

In any sense. I could never do that. I could never. Oh, the whistle. Like this thing? No. Can you flip your eyelids? No.

No. Do you? That's a tough kid. No. It's a bad kid. That's a bad kid. That's a bad kid that could leak consistently. That's tough too.

Yeah. I knew a girl that could quiff on command. Jesus. I had a friend I could fart on command. You could hear him suck the air in through his ass. Damn. It was crazy. And I had another friend who could puke on command.

I don't like that. It was wild. His name was Scott. And the one time we were riding a bike and he was like coming towards us. And like, we were like, yo, puke. And then he was just like immediately happening. Shit, that's all. It was crazy.

Take that guy. It was crazy. That one time, I feel bad about this, but he did it at a pizza place because he didn't have any money. So he just threw up on the table and they were like, get out of here. Perfect. Later. They all for like $1.50 slack.

I felt really looking back. Oh. Now, come on. That's not bad. That's really good. Thank you. That's like. Is that a dog?

It's a bear? A bear dog? You're good with the signature. Signatures. You got that. down. What about, look at Tom's dingus. Yeah, it's, I don't know if I'm looking at it correctly, but it looks very small.

Obviously, this isn't, this isn't, this isn't, obviously you're a little upset that day. This is a precursor to the divorce. Or it was in the dendron. Um, oh, did you ever know anybody that could burp the entire alphabet? In one burp? Yeah. No, I could do it like a,

like, like, stop, like, like, no. Yeah. I'm talking one free burp. You guys call yourself trash. I would puke, though. If I burp too much, I puke. Really? I would get to like T, U.V, and I would throw up. Kind of a ladies man. The taser, the burping.

Yeah, kind of, you know. I can take my nuts and cover my whole penis with it. We call it the batwing. Yeah. I can do that. I get that going on. Do you want something real? Yeah.

I hate these people. I hate it. Yeah. We love me every day. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that wedding must have sucked. You like that? Fuck, that stressed me out.

Can you imagine being a guest at that fucking wedding? I just put myself literally sitting. I take the cross apple sauce there. And you know it's a dry wedding. You know it's a dry wedding. Or a cash bar. Oh, fuck, all right off. Yeah, they stink.

I don't. Anything like that at a wedding. When the bridal party comes in, dancing. Oh, my God. Get out of here. I don't. I, there's this. And maybe it's just.

different because I don't you know I don't just a perspective thing or something and we you know we get to perform a lot maybe these people want to perform and like to perform they don't have an out that's like I don't know there's a lot of like choreographed dances and stuff with like the groomsman the bridal party the mom the dad it's like I just go like just knock it all why is this why is it a spectacle yeah I mean weddings are painful enough to fucking sit through like I sit down and act like you and your dad are dancing well together my god because you've hit the dougie or something yeah not only that it's hot as shit out there. They're all barefoot. And you know, you know it's a, it is a dry wedding because they're

hippies. Because I've been to these hippie weddings. And then you have to sneak out to the parking lot and get drunk the whole time. I wouldn't, yeah. If they say this was my wife's friend, I would just go like, I can't make it. I got to be in Pulse of that weekend. That would be like a, nice wedding, right? Wedding was good. Wedding was nice. He had a nice wedding. Yeah? Very nice wedding. You did? No, he did. Oh, you did? What'd you do? Hawaii? It was nice. Whoa.

Do it with your people, fairy tale, sunset. It was a nice party, right? Very nice party. I literally, I was proud at one point. I was that shit. I walked out from smoking a sick and I was like walking back in and it was like, it was outside on, you know, on like the cliffs or the whatever the fuck. And I went, it's crazy that we've created something that can fund this.

That's amazing. I felt like I was at Brad Pitt's wedding. I really couldn't fund it. Hawaii 200 people? That's a lot of scratch. Wait, where in Hawaii? Which part? Coalina on Oahu

It was genuinely crazy Jesus Christ Georgia Grand Of course Yeah Damn dude Good for you though You should go hard

Yeah it was fun Yeah Pretty good time That's awesome right Yeah Did you sing like this Did you do your mouth? None of this

He did do 10 minutes though You did New stuff wasn't great Had to line of early Palestine Israel stuff Pank Yeah

stuff like this What kind of food did you have? Pigs in a blanket, at least. No, we'd a pulperi. We had some, what's it called? What's the stuff I'm thinking of? Spam. No. We had Rousse of bees.

We had, um, what am I thinking of? Spam fried rice crush is so fucking hard in Hawaii, though. Yeah. Have you had that? Why can I think of it? What's the food? Poo-poo-poo-poo-sto. No.

Ceviche. Tuna. Tuna. That raw shit they always eat. Yeah, fuck. Pookie. Pookie? Pookie.

Pock-Pooke. Yeah. We had pork. sliders yeah we had a marasadas yeah bunch of drinks coffee station wow a whole nine yards you have a pig would you do to a pig well yeah just me hey hey hey man yeah less about 10 months and no we were out of there damn did all right what about this what do you think about his outfit today hmm is that the guy that goes my money don't jingle jingle no I love that that's louis Louis Louis through the row through

Louis Therute. I love that guy. I love him too. So this gentleman likes to post his outfit of the day, and I thought this one was particularly nice. O-O-T-D. Yeah. It's nice? For us in the biz, okay?

O-O-O-T-D. O-O-Tidda. I respect it. Is this what you're watching? Yeah, so she's doing it. I don't get... I don't, again, I don't know because I have a creative outlet. Right.

Maybe if I didn't, I would be doing this shit. I'd be rolling down a hill. I don't know what. I don't know. This is all very... I don't know what he gets out of it. You know, kind of... Bones.

Is that what it is? So it's just the eyeballs? It's the attention. He's a pervert, sweetie. He's his... He's getting boners. That's also, I don't think anybody's ever said that sentence ever. He's a pervert, sweetie.

Obviously, he's a Chester the... You know that, honey? I'm one of the first time I was called a pervert by my uncle. They were going to his underwear for... For what? Call me watching someone on Skinnamax. We were about to eat dinner. What the hell you're doing? Pervert? Pervert.

Damn. See, that's the thing is that we need to start calling perverts out again. Yeah. Everything became too normalized. And now you can't just be like, yeah, this guy's just a fucking pervert. Stay away from this one. That's all you do. That was a thing in the 80s and 90s.

It was just like, that guy's a pervert. Stay away from it. It was just very like. That damn pervert? Yeah. A freak. If you get God, it was kind of your fault. We told you he was a pervert.

We told you not to go over his house. Yeah. It's your fault. But that's what I'd tell my kids when they're like, Mommy, what's going on here? I go, they're mentally ill. The wires are crossed. Just stay away from them.

Sure. You got to tell them. You have to keep a radius on that guy. Stay away. Don't even fucking look over there. That's a very good way to raise them. That's a freak, son. That's right.

Don't even talk to them. Be nice to them. Be kind, but you don't need to. Come on. No vacations. Oh, this is awesome. That's great. Yeah.

That's what we're talking about. Is that a roto? Yeah. All right. Now we're going somewhere. Where do you fucking lead with this? There you go. Sorry, guys.

This is it. I found it. That's great. I know. How would it be dripping? That's got to be a dry bird if it's not dripping on your dashboard. Because I like a moist bird. I love a rotisserie chick.

But the thing is, why isn't it falling apart? It's not cooked well enough. Yeah? Like it should be. Yeah, because the ones you get the legs are just like, they pop right off. The underside of that, it's like human skin. So good. There's a short shelf life on a roto.

We're obviously, we're big roto guys. Same. There's a short shelf life. short shelf life on them. You got to hit it and move real quick. 25 minutes, that's it. Yeah. It's like a carnival goldfish. Yeah, my mom got sick from eating a rotissory that was sitting around too long at Gelson's. Yeah. Really? Yeah, you got to go, you're right. You got to get in there. Now, this is a question that we've been talking about recently on the show. What do you do that

pizza? You know, you get your, you say you crush, you're being bad, you crush half the pizza. Yeah. Right. What is the other half? Where's that live? In the trash. Throw it out. Just trash it right away. You don't save it. Here's why. I'll tell you why. I like a freshie is what I call them. I go a freshie. Look, you know, $15 later, I get a freshie. To me, it's worth it. Like, I don't like old Domino's because it's only good when it's hot and fresh. It's a different pie. You're not wrong. You won't have a slice the next morning after you left it out? I'll nuke it. But then it's too

hot. It's too hot. It's too hot. Well, the problem is it's too hot and then it gets hard. So how do I heat it up the next day? You don't. You leave it out. You know. You know, you know what you do? A frying pan, a little bit of water, put a lid on it. Or an air friar. No, it's all soppy, isn't it?

No, it's not. If the bottom gets, see if you can find that video, or the steps to that. The bottom gets perfect, and then the water causes the steam to melt the cheese on top without getting too hot.

Way too advanced. Leave it on the bed. Eat it cold. Yeah, I mean, oh, yeah, you eat it cold. But if you want to reheat, that's what you'd do. What's on that pie, by the way? Okay, here's what I like to do.

I go pep, obviously. Sure. double cheese if I can that day if I'm feeling it I like mushroom I like pepper chineas fuck olives fuck your mother with olives sometimes I'll get the sausage bits on there

depending on my mood I love their sausage it's so good they did it differently than everybody broken up sausage is the best yeah you know I don't want to dial the you know the 50 cent piece of it yeah

and I don't like the chicken I feel like that makes it too healthy I don't like chicken on pizza. Me neither. I love a buffalo chicken slice, barbecue chicken, but like it doesn't belong there. I like it, but it don't belong there. Can I tell you what I've also been doing with my dominoes?

I get dipping sauces. I get a ranch. I get a buffalo. Sure. And then I get an extra of the sauce. And between those three, it's heaven. Yeah. I'm all about that.

What are you drinking with that? Diet Coke, D.C. Out of what vessel? Cans that I have at the house. Hold cans. Yeah. The little guys are the regular ones. The little guys.

little guys. I like the little guys. I like the little guys. Yeah, what are we on a plane? Some people like them. I like them because I don't want a whole kid. How many are you don't? You're just doing one of them with a pie?

Yeah. I would, I'm not even joking. I would need, when I go, I'll go get slices of pizza at the place next to my house. I'll get three slices and I'll get a 20 ounce bottle and then a can kicker. I need a lot of soda. No. I'm a bite and sip guy. I bite, I bite.

I can't govern. Well, what are you going to do on your pizza? What's your pizza? order. Domino's I do bacon pizza. Oh sorry, I forgot the bacon. The bacon's amazing. I do a bacon pizza. I love their pep too. The pep's fucking... Okay, so here's your video that you wanted to show you. Let's see this.

Medium low for two to three minutes. Medium low. Next, move your pizza to the side and add in a splash of water and immediately place on the lid. You'll quickly see it's steam up which should melt the cheese on the top of your pizza. Wow. Yeah, fuck this guy. I don't want to watch a meat. I don't like it.

I don't like watching him eat it. It felt braggie. I don't like that. I don't like this guy's attitude. Yeah, fuck you. The running of the knife on the bottom of something to show a crispy it is. I hate that shit. They all do that on YouTube.

That's all fully art of shit anyway. That's that end. That's Mnight Shyamalan's next movie, I hear. Shit, motherfucker. All right, here we go. Who? Is that on his wiener? Jesus Christ!

Let's see Tom try to do that. What the fuck? They really know what they're doing in India Well it's all that free time I know You know what I mean? We need a big war We really do

You need a big war That guy just brush his hands Like he was like he's like job well done Did it again babe I'm hitting the showers boys Clocking out of the fucking dick stretching Factory Okay these I've been

Speaking of India I'm really into these videos lately Face waxing Fuck Why is it so much Get the trimmer Yeah, it's too much. Did he know? Fuck off! At this point, if I was him, I'd be going I can live the rest of my life with this glue on my head. Just leave it. Just leave it! I'll figure that out

That probably lasts like two hours, yeah. Oh Fuck, dude This guy's got a hot date. Oh, not on the nose. Fuck off. Oh, fuck. Oh I look like I don't like watching that guy eat, but the way. This is the next video. This is in the street, too. This is outside. Everything in India is outside.

I don't think they have an inside. From the videos I've seen, there's no inside at India. That infection is going to be brutal. Am I wrong? Is there any video that takes place in four walls in a roof in India? That's crazy. You ever see the guy cooking with his feet? He sits across.

Yes, I love that guy. He puts his hand in the curry, and then he, fucking touches his feet. They have a nuclear weapon. Do you believe that? I know. That's called chicken deca masala, huh? Start with a health inspector, will you boys?

Jesus Christ, shout out to them. You guys are the best. I'm so glad you came. Thank you so much. What are we plugging? We have a comedy special on YouTube out right now in our channel. It's called American Garbage. We play Are You Garbage with the audience.

They ask their questions. Oh, my God. So it's like, is it garbage if, you know, whatever. They're a part of the show. We did it down in the table. Tampa at side splitters. Oh, that's the garbageiest club in the world. That's perfect.

That's where we have to do it. Tampa. It's always perfect. It sucks. Tampa. I love Tampa. What sucks? No, no.

I mean, in terms of like, Tampa is its own beast. 100%. It's not a, no, I know what you mean by. Like India. India. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Wow.

So yeah, it's on our YouTube page. Please check it out. If you've never watched, Are You Garbage, please go check out. I mean, Christina and Tom each have multiple. Queen of Trash. Yeah. Are you only have one? I only have one and I got really.

It's all she needed. Voted the queen. Like a sniper. Well, next time you come back or next time you're in New York, we'll do one. Definitely. I would love to do that. You guys are my absolute favorite. I love you so much.

Trash. Oh, Salt Lake City, Puta. Come check me out in October. And that's it. Thank you guys for being here. Thanks, please. Good to see you. Good to see you too.

This dude, this kid crawls under a stall. Yeah. The bathroom. But I'm thinking that look in his eye is revealing. He's touched? I think so. Either he's touched or he's on drugs. Like he's tweaking on something and he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing?

You'd never crawl under a soul. I don't think of this shit, hokey. Hey, what you doing? What you doing? Hey, how much this kid kept it together. No. To view it this way. I know I would.

I'd be like, dude, I'm shitting.