Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Is Ray J Gay? w/ Ari Shaffir | Your Mom's House Ep. 858

Episode Date: May 6, 2026

The End is here! Ari's new storytelling show is $5.99 per episode at https://theend.ymhstudios.com/ There's a total of 7 episodes for you to enjoy! SPONSORS: - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at https://shopify.com/ymh. - Right now, when you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third for FREE with promo code YMH. Welcome back to another episode of Your Momma's Place! Christine is still off on the road so Tom is joined by another Jew, Mr. Ari Shaffir. Tom and Ari talk The End and share some stories that were interrupted a few weeks back on 2 Bears., Tom then opens the show with a video of pure black joy, which leads to Tom and Ari discussing the hierarchy of black compliments. Tom and Ari also get into a wild hypothetical involving Michael Jackson, another guy who killed his wife in the tropics, Bruce Bruce, favorite Porn genres, someone named Muddy Buck, plus Tom plays some Horrible or Hilarious clips, and the pair debate a question from a viral video that left Cam Newton speechless: "Is Ray J gay?" That and so much more on Yer Mum's Residence! Your Mom’s House Ep. 858 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:53 - Ari's Storytelling Show 00:04:21 - Dunked On By Black Kids 00:09:20 - Not As Good As You Thought 00:14:27 - Ciccio Bomba 00:19:28 - Opening Clip: Black Joy 00:21:32 - The Hierarchy Of Black Compliments 00:30:42 - Big Dick Feminism & Tom's Bruce Bruce Story 00:35:41 - Cutting Stuff Out 00:41:32 - Murder In The Bahamas 00:47:37 - Muddy Buck & Favorite Porn Genres 00:55:18 - Michael Jackson Would You Rather? 00:58:39 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:10:11 - Is Ray J Gay? 01:21:54 - Ari's Production Cards 01:24:58 - Wrap Up 01:26:59 - Closing Song - "Flender Jewid (AKA Gender Fluid In Your Mouth) by ToasterTub Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Did you bring that? No. Was that just here? Yeah. I thought the lady would be here. It's got to be represented. Oh, that's right. Welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house. Ready in five, al-a-shelosh, steame? He knows. The only guy that actually knows what you're fucking saying. Everyone's always like, what kind of cryptic bullshit is that? It's blackmailing the government. Welcome to another episode, Your Mom's House. here with the great Ari Shafir, everybody.

Let them hear it. Thank you. Before. Nice. Thank you. We'll obviously get into great detail, but just a reminder to everybody that the end is out.

It's at yMH studios.com. This is multiple episodes with a crazy lineup of comedians doing the storytelling show that you popularized. Is that it? It's four syllable. That's big for you.

Big word. I don't usually speak about. It's crazy. Yeah. But obviously you had your storytelling show that you used to do around town. This is not happening, which contractually, legally, is completely unrelated to this show. Completely unrelated. It was also a storytelling show.

If any other comics says it's the same, that's on them. That's on them. If Tom or I say it, that's a major problem. It's a big problem. So this is a different show. It's a different show. But it was a storytelling show. We would do it.

I remember doing it at Melrose and... Yeah, we did it in small rooms and then... And then eventually there was a show on Comedy Central, and we did that. And then those clips lived on YouTube where they got, some of them got wildly popular. Millions, before that was like a real thing. Yeah.

Millions of hits before that was a thing. I remember because I was doing, I did a couple stories on there. I did my OD story, which went like, it had crazy amount of views. When I tell, last time I saw, can you pull that up? My Tom ODs?

That's from your show. It was pretty wild, yeah. And I remember I had never talked about that on stage. And you were like, talk about it on the show you told me some of the stories we got were like offstage stories and i'm like dude do that how many what we got they fucking recut a lot though that's the right it's got 16 million views 12.5 million subscribers of scrub really 16 million views 16 million views yeah i thought 16 m was meters yeah that is well i'm not really savvy for different things but that's

that's pretty crazy million views especially as you as a comic then we're like not killing it 12 years ago Yeah, I mean. Okay, but it's a nice, like, it was a nice bump. Oh, yeah, that was a real nice, like, bump. And then I did it again, I did my Bruce Bruce story. Oh, yeah. Which was also so, like, again, one of those things where,

this is what was great, I loved about the format, is that I like telling stories anyway, but, and that has, what is it? That has six million views. Wow. I like telling stories, but sometimes you go, this is what I've learned like touring with stories. Sometimes you're like it's you need the long form version to tell the story and it doesn't

quite fit into like the hour format. Especially when you're doing joke jokes. Yeah. And then suddenly like, all right, now we're going to slow down for about 18 minutes. Yeah. So this became a place where you could do those things. Yeah, you set up the crowd to like they're ready for it. Everybody's like, can I just like this crowd's ready for it?

Don't worry about that. I used to always get so fucking irritated at the guys who would be doing their act. I'd be like, they're not doing the show. It was maybe so mad. Can you put a bleep button on if I need it? Yep. You're in Montreal. We're doing one.

And that's the one. Just straight act. And then afterwards, he was like, that was so fun. Thanks, man. I'm like, you ruined it. You didn't do the show. That what? There was another guy who I watched, I think, at Melrose.

Yeah. And I was like, I was in the back of the room shaking my head. head. Angrily? Like, I was like, because you got to do it. You're nervous. Exactly. You're like, dude, you fucking are supposed to do what we're all doing here.

And I could tell that, and the thing is, they're doing it out of fear. They're just trying something. Yeah, they're just like, I don't want to risk it not working. Yeah, Ralphie was like, I remember him doing one and he did a great story about getting dunked on by, I think, Corlis Williamson in junior high school. Oh, God. So, and he got nuts in the face. Yeah.

So this, this, this, like, ninth grader. was just a beast. And he didn't really ever do that one. Yeah, he didn't do that one. He did it live at the improv. And he goes, I'm nervous. I haven't really done this before. Yeah.

And I'm like, Ralphie's nervous is crazy. The only time he got nervous is when they ran out of wings. Yeah. There is this thing. Dude, do you remember, by the, you ever have, when you're a kid and you play sports, you allow yourself to fantasize so much about going to the next level.

And you have those... Throwing a ball to yourself and like... In the game seven to the world... Strike one, okay. In the game seven of the world... Strike two. And then if you're playing organized sports and like you're a starter and you're like, you're a starter and you're like, I'm pretty good, right?

I mean, you have those like... This guy's going to go on to play at Arkansas. The day that like you're humbled, you just never forget. For basketball, see, people would think it was a few years ago. There was actually many, many years ago. When I was playing... Who would think of us a few years ago. I was playing, you know, middle school, and I was a pretty decent player.

And then we got to high school, and we went one day to the gym. This was in the suburbs of Milwaukee. And Milwaukee... You grew up there? I for a couple years. And I went to one of the big public high schools. And we go to the gym, we're going to try to get in on some pickup game. We're all, like, you know, pretty good.

Like we play basketball. And we walk in, and Milwaukee is a very segregated city, very, considered to be the most segregated major city in America. What do you mean like men on that side, women on that, like a Jewish wedding? I'm talking more like, so they had this, they called it, I think they call it the 220 program, which is they would bus in inner city kids. To dominate you? To go to this high school.

So that they weren't just going to the high schools over there. So we go into the to the big, you know, auditorium, like gym at school. And we're watching a bat. And we all kind of just walk in. And I watched a high school kid on a fast break cup the ball and do a side dunk, like this. And we were all like, ah, we're never going to play. It just hits you like, oh, everything I thought is wrong. Yeah, everything I thought is wrong.

Everything I thought is not real. Cupping. Not just dunk. You can dunk, but like, well, not dunking's born. And then there was a Nigerian guy who was shirtless and fat. He had a gut. Yeah. His name was Afuma.

Okay. And he did a 360. What? Shirtless and fat. And we were like, we should. Damn it. We should play tag. Andy Haynes said he had this when he was skiing.

He was like a high level skier. And they were doing this jump and over a street over a road. Yeah. Jumping over this road. And he did it. He was like, sick. And then he looked back. and the other guys were flipping over it.

And he goes, oh, I'll never be on that. Oh, okay. I know where I am. I have a hobby. Yeah, I have a hobby. It's funny, it coincides a lot when you find out you're not going to be as good as you thought. Yeah. Coensides with meeting a black person.

Yeah. It's right around the same time. All your dreams are crushed by meeting a black person. In football, it happened to me later. Really? It happened to me later. It was also a black guy, though. Yeah.

And it was a teammate. I've told the story, but I always remember it that, you know, I'm playing in high school. I'm starting both ways. Really? Yeah, and I know I'm... You were a two-way starter? Yeah, it was two-way starter. What?

On the line, it was a center and defensive tackle. So I'm like, I'm always on the field. And, like, you know, I make plays. I know I'm not like a fucking five-star player, but I never had... I played against a couple guys that ended up playing in the NFL. So I knew that they were different, obviously. but I didn't realize how crazy good the guy next to me was. You know what I mean?

Because you're not playing against them. Yeah, because we're always like on the same. And one day we did a drill. I forget if I was a junior or senior, but we did a drill past rush drill where I was blocking. And the way that he went past me and I didn't know what was happening. Yeah, I was like, just one fake and gone. My hands were here.

And I asked for them to do it. I was like, again. And the coach was like, yeah, sure. And he lines them up again. That wasn't right. I don't accept that. That was luck. And he did it just over and over.

And I was like, oh, shit. Okay. Oh, yeah, there's a reason that the college recruits are at practice watching her. It wasn't for me? It wasn't because I'm also having a 3.4 GPA. Because there's a reason Mississippi State and Syracuse are at practice today. I actually had that later with swimming when I went to, I think it was your house. But you're a good swimmer, you're saying?

I thought I was okay. because I swam a little bit. Yeah. And then I got challenged by a fat Floridian. Oh, Bart. Yeah. And I was like, oh, crush you, dude. Your fat, not a shit.

It's my first time I saw the Mickey Mantle, Jane. He, I remember, told me about how great of a swimmer he was. But then I think on his, you know, he did that, what's that, like, festival thing he does? Yeah. The Bert's, hold on. There's a comic who, forgive me for not knowing, was a college swimmer. Oh. I forget.

Somebody in this circle swam in college. And Bert was like, I bet. I'll dominate you. Yeah, and whoever, it's him. Broussard was, Matthew Brissard. It's college swimmer. And so, okay, nice. And Bert, I think this, I might be getting it kind of wrong, but, you know,

Bert was like, I bet I can. And Matthew was like, you can start like in the middle. And then Bert was like, it was insane. Like, yeah, he swam in college. Burr's also good at going, okay, I think I do believe I won't win this if he swam in college, no, but let me talk trash like, like this guy's just started to. And also let me be sure. I still will, I want to make the claim until you prove me wrong.

Yeah, there he is. Oh my God. He's got, what the fuck, Matthew? Yeah. Is that a Photoshop on both their parts? Neither one of those look like real bodies. Yeah, that dude is a better swimmer than bird. Dude, there's a few comics who are better than anybody you've ever met at a sport.

Judah Freelander, ping pong. Oh, really? Kelsey Cook, foosball. I learned about that. And she also told me a great story about, how fun it is because men will be like, all right, little lady. I'll fucking, I'll give you a little lesson here.

And then she just, she can like look at them as she does it. I thought I was good because he had a football table with the comedy store. We played nonstop up there. She's a championship level player. And I scored one off her. I think we did my old podcast.

I did one. And I scored one. She's like, let's play. And I was like, oh, you fucking bitch. Yeah. Twat. And then she was like, all right. And then it was like 15 straight.

And you can't, at some point, you don't even know what's happening. the ball. Yeah. You're just like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. She's just dropping it again, dropping it again. That's crazy. Wait, so what?

Is Freed Lander, was he a competitive player? Ping pong, yeah. Like he... I see him at like, you know when you're like, go to like the pickup games at the park of your neighborhood? Yeah. That's like, that's where all the good players. He's that for ping pong and...

I wonder who it is... I wonder who it is for chess. There's got to be a dumb... Who is for chess? I mean, you'd have to be not a dumb fuck. Definitely. Which negates pretty much all of us. Most.

Yes. Those comics are dumb folks. I always talk to Kirk about how when you're at the hallway of the store and there's guys, the comics are walking around, you're like, this is a mental assignment. Like, this is crazy people. When people would go like, why is that guy so weird?

I started giving benefit of the doubt. I'm like, well, it's probably a comedian going up to the belly room. They're weird. They're probably trying to make a joke. Yeah. But then also some of them are just. Insane.

Yeah. Fully insane. And you're forced around insane people. Yeah. Signing up for open mics. You're like, we're all trying to make it. And other people are like, oh, I'm just trying to find a warm place for an hour. Yeah.

That's, I'm trying to make it, bro. I've made it if I'm in. Here you go. I'm giving this to you. But I am Ari Shapir. Okay. It's a fucking crazy night we're going to have here. Shit's about to go down.

Look. And we're here to talk, Paul. This is a love story. Media, herpes, gonorrhea, AIDS. I'm desperate. I'll stab you and your motherfuck. One of the worst things that could happen. What's your favorite Bible verse?

I don't. I don't know, honey. I'm Catholic. Did you just shit your pants? It's not my shit. If you're up there, lady, don't call me. I'm the bad guy in the story. I know that.

I'll be a better person tomorrow. At least he's consistent. Finally, something we can agree on. I'll discuss it in hard. Not the evening I plan, but I'm having a blast. Now if you'll excuse me. I think we can all agree that online shopping has gotten dangerously easy, especially when you get to check out and see that purple shop pay button.

No more. for my wallet or passport reset bullshit. It's online shopping but streamlined. You can say thanks to Shopify for that. Cha-ching. Shopify is the platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the US from household names and brands like ours here at YMH.

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See less cards go abandoned, more sales go to ching with Shopify and their shop pay button. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash ymh. Go to Shopify.com slash ymh. that's shopify.com slash y m h acha ching before I play our opening clip another thing I have to say is that finally my flagship bakery

explain to me what the fuck this is okay so now you don't eat all the bread you want to give it to other people yeah exactly interesting I hate thin Tom really I fucking hate this guy you hate me yeah you want me to get fat yes you're like the people in the comments

They want you to get fat? Of course. They want you fat? A nonstop. Yeah. I miss Fat Tom. Listen, Fat Tom you could look down on. Fat Tom wouldn't bake other people bread.

Fat Tom would just be hoarding the bread. And that's what you want? Because eventually you're going to look away and I'll steal your bread. Oh, okay. And now you're selling it for a profit at a fucking coffee shop. Yeah. What do you got? Bougettes?

What do you got? What do you got? What are you got? It's croissants? Yeah. Sweet croissants? Oh, yeah. It's, I mean, look at this. Wow.

Folietela. Wait, wait, what is this deal? What's the deal? I'll tell you the story. I'm joking around about Fat Tom, but what is the deal? This is the story. I used to go to this place in L.A. I used to always tell people, I mean, I even talked about it in my act, how much I love croissants.

And one day... It's the breakfast version of slice of pizza and go. It's the best. Yeah, it's the best. And there's so many disappointing ones. just like with pizza. So when you find a really killer one, you get excited. So somebody told me, go to this guy's place, if you love croissant.

I go really, and the person told me best croissants in L.A. So I got excited. Okay. I go. Yeah. I order one, and I'm like, holy shit. It's great. These are amazing.

So I meet the guy's name's Gianba, Italian guy from Cinque Terre in Italy. And I go, these are the best croissons I've ever had. I start to frequent the place. and one day I do, you know, like a Instagram post. I go, I'm at this guy's place. These are the best croissons. You can trust me. I'm a fat piece of shit.

I'm fat. I have credibility. And I post that. And they were like, dude, all these people came today. And they were just like, thank you. Like, you know, it was just like, thanks for, I go. Good Rick. You don't owe me anything.

I just love the, it's just like when you go to a great, the great thing about when you find a great spot is you tell other people. Yeah. And then they go, holy shit. Thanks for telling me that was amazing. So it's that type of relationship. As a fantasy, I was like, man, I wish I wish you, I could have your place in Austin selfishly because I love your food. Okay.

No, I'm saying, because these places in L.A. Well, one day we start talking and I'm like, that would be crazy if we could do that in Austin. And then one day he's like, yeah, I would. If you want to partner up, I'll do it. Really? So. Did he say it like this? He's like, if you want, I, I move.

It's you and it's a me and together we are the. And today we do the thing and we sell the grass. So then he moves here. We open a pop-up location because it takes, like, we have to find a place to open our place and we have to. So the pop-ups at the fairground, which is under the Wells Fargo building in downtown. Okay.

Then we opened a counter place where you could, like in the Scarborough building. Like as you walk into the building, you can, we have a little set. And how do people go for it? What do you mean? Do people find out about it? Oh yeah, I mean, they found out about it

from just walking around, from us talking about it. But the whole focus has been to get this brick and mortar location open. And so it is now open. And it's 1,100 South Lamar. It's right, if you're looking at the Alamo draft house, like if you walk out of there, we're on the corner there. And we have all the breakfast pastries. We have homemade Italian sandwich.

which is fresh pizza and we have a full bar. Oh, really? Yeah. And so it's really exciting for me because I've always wanted to share how amazing this guy. Are you going to do? I go. What do you call it? Pull at the.

Pull coffee. I mean, I could pull coffee. I like serving. Like, I go behind the counter and I just take orders and I serve. Really? Yeah. I mean, I'm. Wow.

That's fun, though? It's very fun. And it's like, it's the bet. Here's the thing. I don't have to sell you. on it. His shit is unbelievable. Yeah, it's totally him. So you're partners. Hey, can I suggest an ad for you? Sure. Just because it's on Lamar. Yeah. And my immediate thought went to Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds. Can you do a big thing with like, like, you're holding a big rod of like croissants

and you're going like this and then chuck them? Check them. Yeah. Guys, team, tech team. Can you, yes. Remember when he threw that? And he was like, it's all bendy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do one of those, but with croissants. And then be like, come see us on South Lamar. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. That is a good idea. Okay, thank you. I have full ideas. Okay. That's fucking cool, dude.

It's a business. It's very exciting. It's like you're building yourself too. I love it. It's my, it's the favorite thing I've ever, like, I'll go. Please come.

Please come. And I hope you guys check it out. All right, here is our opening clip. Ready? Here we go. I'm at David Buster. Oh.

You're David Buster. I'm having a good time. He's having a good time. I'm enjoying myself. Looking forward to my birthday tomorrow. What? Who was Rand? What?

Black Joling. It's just Black Joy. It's just Black Joy. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Sigura. And Christina Pajitsyn Welcome to your mom's house. That's too long.

It's always been too long. It's too long. It's always been too long. It's frustrating. At some point, it's too long. It's always been the longest. Wow. You kind of get over it and then it starts nagging at you.

and then you're like, and then you're fully aware that it's too long which is a longer period. I know. In between it's starting to notice too long to when you're like, hey,

and then eventually like, hey, you gotta say so long. It's one of my favorite thing is when people come in and they, you know, don't know anything about it and they go, what's going on?

Well, as it comes, they go, what's happening right now? And I'm like, it's the intro. And they're like, still? I mean, I could have been returning emails. I know. It was like,

oh, we're in a commercial break? I know. It's crazy. It's just how it is. that's why it is. What's he laughing? I don't know. He's just really happy about his birthday, Dave and Busters.

He seems like he's on mushrooms, just like laughing over nothing. It also reminds me of my father, you know. That's where one of the reasons I played is because he just loved watching black people have fun. He used to say it all the time. So, yeah. What do you think? You know, when you're done with the show and somebody's like, hey, good show. Yeah.

You know, thank you. Yeah. But, you know, you've done, played for a million people. So thank you. But to a degree, thank you. Uh-huh. But then when a black guy says thank you. It's so much better.

What do you think the ratio is? I know what I have. Black compliment to white compliment. Oh, or cool shirt. Also, black compliment to white compliment. What to one? Okay. You're talking about one of my favorite topics of all time.

Okay. Which is the hierarchy of black compliments. Yes. I've thought about it extensively. Oh. So the way that I rank black compliments. Okay. I think there's like a pretty much a top five.

Okay. First of all, you're fit. if they go, if a black person compliments your outfit. Your fit. Oh, right. Yeah, that's, that's higher. You know that you did a good job. You're like, oh, shit.

Yeah. Okay. Right above that is if they just compliment your shoes. That's definitely a bigger. It's bigger than an outfit. It's bigger than an outfit, I think, because shoes are like a staple of black culture, you know, like sneakers. So, like, if a black guy's, like, those are some sweet kicks, you're like, okay,

I'm going to clean these and put them and make sure that I wear. these on the appropriate occasions. Okay, okay. After that would be a black guy complimenting your music choice. If you're listening to a song, a black guy's like, yo, like, you're DJing.

He's like, you're like, that feels great. You're like, wow. You have to play it off. You're like, oh, yeah, it's just. And again, for context. And then if a white guy says the same thing, like, nice play that.

You're like, thanks. Yeah, thanks, man. Okay. Yeah. But the black guy doing it. And then second to, like the second best, like of the whole black compliment thing. Yeah. Is a compliment about you being funny.

It's 10 times more powerful than a white guy saying you're funny. You think it's 10 to one. I think, yeah. I mean, maybe you can go 5 to 1. I had 8 to 1. Okay, okay. In my own, I have 8 to 1. There's no wrong answers here.

There's no wrong. But it's definitely. It's the amount of joy it brings you. It's the amount of, it's so much stronger. And also like. Outfit. Okay, okay, okay. If he's a real.

He's buttoned up black guy, it's not the same. It's not the same. He's got to be... If he's a Carlton, it's not quite the same. It's not the same. You want to be like, you know, a little... You want a Jazzy Jeff over a Carlton. Definitely.

And then I think number one is athletic prowess. If a black guy talks about like your jump shot or something, you're like, all right, just bury me now. Like, just, let's just call it a day. Okay, I got a story for each one of these. Now, I want you to notice that I let you finish before jumping in. It's how conversations work. It's how conversations work.

Are you done with this? I can hold this thought. for a minute until you're done with that. No, that's good. Obviously, there's no reason I had to jump in because I already have in my head what I want to add. And you... Finish your thought and I'll get to what I wanted to tell you.

And it's an exchange of ideas. And you were like, oh, finish what you're saying. Thanks for laying the table at what this conversation's about. I'm glad you brought that up. I also can contribute. Yes. Yeah, please. Guys, if your lady, fella, or whoever sends you an eggplant emoji after dark,

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And Cigars International now offers free shipping every day, no minimums, no excuses. Use my code YMH at checkout for 20% off your order of $50 or more. Visit www.org.org.com slash yMH, and the discount will auto-recentrown. automatically apply. Some exclusions may apply. Okay. What was five again? Five was outfit. Five outfit. Okay. I got one. I have one for each of these. I was at, um, I think Wyatt Seneca show in Brooklyn doesn't matter. And there was a black guy in there with Ilana Glazer and he said, uh, I like your sweater. Nice sweater. It's cool. How good does that feel? It felt so good. Found out later. It was Quest Love. Even better. It's way better. Way better for sure and that guy's got style on top of just being black and and and musical genius yeah h&m sweater

loved it and i'm like thanks man thanks quest and i was like who was that guy that was like really nice and they were like yeah they were like that was a did he have a pick in his hair yeah yeah uh number two shoes yeah manro martin and derrick gains consistently i was trying for a little bit to rock these bowling shoes that i stole i thought they were cool Yeah, hence why you stole them. Yeah. And they informed me that it was not cool. Oh, okay.

It's the opposite. Okay. I never wore them again. Yeah. Because of how powerful the black compliment is. Yeah. And the black insult right there with it. Yeah.

What's three? Three would be your music choices. Music choices. Okay. I got one very two. Wow. Yeah. Listening to Led Zeppelin in college doing an all-nighter in the whatever.

And then the, what's the fix-it guy? Like a janitor guy comes in. Mm-hmm. And he's a cool younger guy, like 35 or something. You know, I'm 22. Yeah. And he goes, oh, hell yeah, man, Led Zeppelin. I was like, well, you know Led Zeppelin?

He goes, yeah, well, they didn't play hip hop on the radio when I was growing up. So the closest we got was black inspired white music. Yeah. And I love Led Zeppelin. I was like, oh, hell yeah. Yeah. See, it's stuck with you. It stuck with me always.

Yeah. What's two? Two is funny. Okay. Here's one for that too. Again, let's just point out for a second. You got out your whole thing scale. Yeah.

And now we're talking about it. Yeah. Okay. It's an interesting technique, it's all. It's one way to go. I wish I could apply it elsewhere. I wish I could do it. I saw you weigh in the comet that I waited on.

I'm so glad you saw that too. You must have this. A whole thing. I'm like, all right, I have this sort of playing in my head in the car. I thought I'm going to get it all out. And then you get about a quarter of it out. And then it's gone. And I want to go back to what the, you were actually.

actually making you oh yeah it was about big dick is the most feminacy all right we'll go back we'll go back to it we go back to uh okay i finished me my canon and i forget her name someone from like uh new england we were working at a casino yeah up there in like syracusee area and we finished and we're walking to go get uh at the at the restaurant take your arm under that cordis give me anxiety thank you and then and now we found that tom is autistic yeah um we had i was there was a water bed bar in the East Village. There's a water bed you can sit on.

And I had a drink on the corner. And somebody comes over and it's like, excuse me, guys. It was like three or four hours. I think the roast was there. I was like, yeah. And he goes, can you take that glass off from the corner of that? And I was like, why?

He goes, my friend's highly autistic. He's freaking out about it. And he's just like this. And I was like, yeah, okay. And I put it on a table. And he goes, damn, dude, that's tough to live with. The guy's really nice about it.

Okay. So we're walking to the restaurant. and we pass a few, we're trying to get to eat before it closes. And we're in the casino, so you're with a lot of people from the show. And they're like, good set, good stuff. I'm like, oh, thanks, thanks, thanks. Try not to slow down. Like, let's put our heads down and we want to eat.

And then we get in and we're like, thank you. And then there's a black guy at a table. He goes, hey, you guys had a good show. And we're like, both just naturally stopped. I'm like, oh, thanks, man. I really appreciate it. Do you have a good time? Where are you from?

Yeah, yeah. All of a sudden, you're the most social guy. That's so cool of you, man. I'm glad you had a good time. It's all about that. White guy's like great set. And you're like, thanks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Black guy, you're like, oh. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's when I realized the 8 to 1. It was that moment. It was very strong. And then number one was athletic prowess.

And that's never happened. Never? I used to play basketball at the park in Slegger Creek. Yeah. And I was better on defense, like most white people, better on defense and offense. Yeah.

And I'd block shots. I was good at it. I was wiry. They would just have a standing foul. call if I blocked it out of bounds. Like, it's their ball anyway, so they're like, let's make that a foul. Yeah.

They didn't be like, that's just, that's clean. Yeah. And they were like, it's our ball regardless. No, it's a foul. I'm like, yeah. I remember the pickup games where I got complimented by Black Eyes, and it's still with me today. Sometimes it carries me through the day.

Especially if you're going to another game and then they pick you up before last. Before last, exactly. Before last. What? I'm the eighth pick? This is crazy. Oh, my gay. And you're like laughing at the other people.

Yeah, you pick me over a black guy? It's nuts. Yeah. And then Lamar is waiting there like, why am I not picked that? You're like, oh, okay. So, all right, just to set the table for this, you did two bears with Bart and I. Yeah. And you made a statement and you were elaborating on it.

And then as you were telling your thought, your theory. Yeah, much better. I mean, what I mean? So everyone, and I remember people being like, I wanted to hear what you were going to say, which is how I live. And the craziest thing is he could have just told his thing after. The same thing, just told it for a minute.

Like, hey, when you were saying that, that reminded me of a guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But your statement was having a big dick. It comes off as toxic masculinity. Yeah. Of like, I got a bill, this little tiny dick, idiot, you know, I'm a big dick.

And it's like this old, like, get a big truck, get a big dick, have the, whatever. Yes. But I think it's feminist. because they're just having it and and and uh uh hyping that up yeah saying a big dick is better is feminist because the reason you would have a big dick just in biology yeah is to put it in a woman right and have her find pleasure from it right and a small dick would give them less pleasure less pleasure yeah so all that like i got a big it's all about i please women better than you do that's that's also what is the

unspoken like sentiment I think about it is that's why the big dick is intimidating to other guys because just by hat the nature of

you're better you're gonna please these gods better than I can please I can't bring tribute to them the way you can so now I'm angry and now exactly

and now I'm insecure and I'm upset about it I don't like that I won't be able to please them let's send all these big dick ones back to Africa right or whatever

wherever they come from. But you're right. It's the, it's the, it's the, it's the immediate, uh, uh, feeling of I'm inadequate. I'm inadequate. And you're more adequate. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

I think it's a very valid theory. But I mean, Bert's interruption was fantastic. Yeah. This is not an interesting talking point. So, yeah. That Bruce Bruce story was funny too because you told it to me offstage and then you finished when we recorded it. That was the internet only version.

Yeah. Also fun story. was when I was doing the intros and I was like camera and then running around and then I quickly take my pants off and just have underwear on and then go on the stage and they find me on stage and you were like hey this next one you got to take your dick completely out and I was like yep you're upset that's kind of you set me off did I yeah I think you might have I think I don't remember that I did so I pulled my dick out and there were some extras in the front row and some girls like yeah I've seen your dick like really close you know it's so fun I told the Bruce Bruce story and then I

had this thing where it was based on my one interaction with him, right? Yeah, on the plane. On the plane. I tell the story. It's such a funny story. I loved, it's one of those things where you know, I loved the story. And I told it, and I was really, I was actually very proud and I thought it was really unique, funny, you know, the whole thing about like just setting the stage of the scenario, the interaction, but like the way that the woman, some woman who doesn't know him. was like, what can I get you?

Because we were stuck at the air, at the gate. And they actually were like, you can get off the plane and come back. We're going to be here a while. And he was like, no. He was like, and then a woman walked by and was like, do you need anything? And he was like, candy. Like, twigs, get old shit like that. Oh, yeah.

And I go, who is that? And he goes, I don't know. I was like, you don't know. And just accepting it. Yeah. And she was just doing it for him. Tribute. And then we had this crazy dialogue about Andy Griffith.

Right. Oh, yeah. And so that was kind of like, well, I told the story. And then I had that weird feeling of like, oh, I wonder. It involves someone else. I wonder, no, I wonder if he would be happy with this. Yeah, that's what I made. Yeah, yeah.

And I wonder, like, because we're not like close. I wonder how he'll respond. And I had that like unease of would he be like, man, fuck you for telling that story, you know? Like, just not knowing. So the only place I had communication with him or like a line to talk to him was Twitter. at the time. So I messaged him and I was like, hey you know, I had

if you remember me, yeah, but I met you and I told the story about meeting you and I sent him the link to that. Oh really? Yeah. So he saw it? Well, here's the thing. I got no reply, right? No reply. And then maybe a year or more later

like literally that long, I check one day and it's like message from Bruce Bruce and I was like, oh. And I opened in it and it was all complimenter. He was like, that was hilarious. That was like, I was like, oh my God. He was so nice about it. And yeah, it was just like one of those things

where you're like, it went well. And then the guy who I tell it about, like, enjoyed it. We had to pull down a couple stories on this not happening. Really? Because it was like, actually, that guy's married now. I shouldn't be saying that. Do you mind? Take it down to court.

And the podcast, we get that all the time. Like, oh, shit, I shouldn't have shared that. There's that thing that people are all guessing about the smart list guys smart list smart list the you know it's a very popular podcast hosted by those three Bateman

um Will Arnett and John Cryer I think that's the Shepard the three I think Sean Hayes sorry Sean Hayes Wow what a fucking you just said Sean Hayes and John Cryer are completely

interchangeable I don't know Ununique group of two people They're just some guy in sitcoms These guys but there's They famously have talked about two people that have come on. And they said that a woman, after her episode,

asked them to not air it. And they took it down. So you're like, oh, I wonder who that is. And then they talk about a famous comedian who was such an asshole. I saw that. That after 10 minutes, they just were like, we're done. So everyone always is like talking about who those two. And they try to figure it out.

Yeah, yeah. It's like one of those things where you're like, I, um, I, um, and then you can lead them to just like show that clip with a person's name over that. And then they go, oh, so they were definitely talk. I saw them talk about how they hated, like, top saguro. I've seen a comment section about that where it theorized everybody, every, you know, like they, yeah, I think we've both been mentioned in the possible. Oh, really? Wait, well, I'm not on there.

You know, one of the, uh, oh, is this the thing? Yeah. Here, this is Will. They just stopped in the middle. she asked us. Oh, okay. Er her episode. At all.

At all. Which we were like, fuck it costs us money. The guys, we all have to do it, blah, blah, blah. And, because she was worried

because she thought that she was up and coming. Oh, I say. And I won't tell you until we're absolutely cut. Yeah. But we were like, you're good.

It turns out we were right. Now, I think, you know, one other very famous comedian who I'll tell you after who is a fucking rank asshole recently and we cut him off after 10 minutes and said thanks so much and ditched them what's the guesses yeah there you almost can't say it yeah I mean that's this has been posted a bunch and there's always just hundreds and hundreds of

yeah what the comment about the woman though is like you know he's like she thought she was up and coming and then he's saying she wasn't she didn't like what is she thought is like dirty podcast where they were like I don't know the part of me that goes like wait what do you you mean she was like don't do it because she thought her trajectory plays the role as? Like she lived on Skanks Cam Patterson was like

watching and they go hey Cam, what's going on? Come on in here. He's like uh and I get where he is. He's a first year S&L guy and there's a Legion of Skanks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go, hey Camm, you got to get out of here. Oh, you did? Yeah, you got it. You can't be here like get Michael Chase permission first but you shouldn't, you're a first year guy. You should get out of

here. Yeah, smart. They're going to say some awful things and you're going to be on camera with it. That was nice of you. Yeah, it's like, you're a New York kid. So it might be one of those. We're like, I was saying crazy shit. Oh, yeah. And I'm about to be in a Disney movie.

Right, right, right. Okay. But also, what a, like, we're right. But also, like, she went nowhere. We're, well, like, where, it's weird, though, because that show is not Legion of Skanks. It's right. So what was she saying? Yeah, what were you saying?

That's like a celebrity show. It's strange. It's very strange. What I liked about your, the overdose story? Yeah. Is that you told to me, offstage a few times. Yeah.

And then you said it on stage and there was a part that you didn't say. I'll tell you the exact part. And I had to go back on. I'm like, Tom, wait. That's what I left other show is. You forgot some of it. Dude, that was so key to because essentially the end of the story, the last bit is what I forgot. And you came on stage and you're like, what about?

And I was like, oh, yeah. And then there's that moment if you have like, if it was like a real comedy, Central production or Netflix or anything, like, well, I'm already off. so it's over. And then you would be so pissed too. Right, but this is a me production. Yeah. So it's like.

And I'll tell, it's been out for, but like the story, you know, I tell the whole story about accidentally overdosing, waking up in a coma, and then how, you know, how disappointed and upset parents were and just like the shame of it and the awfulness of it. And I forget how I ended, but I was just like, and then, you whatever, it ends. And then you reminded me of when I told you the story that the doctor who actually saved my life, the one who got the tube in me, the breathing tube, visited me a few days later in recovery. I'm still in the hospital. And he has the toxicology. And he's like, hey, you know, you tested positive for so many things. Like, every drug, opioids, stimulants, every. And I was like, really? I'm

like, how is that possible? He's like, well, because you got like street drugs and people will just throw anything in there. So he's like, you're like, it's off the charts. And he told me there's Lucky to be alive. Lucky to be alive. He goes, there was enough in you to kill a horse, right? And then I go, shit, like, how did I live then? Like, how did I survive? And he's like, well, you're fat.

So fat. You're bigger than a horse. Yeah. You're one of the fattest people that's ever been here. It's such a good button to the thing. It was, and I had forgotten. Take the shitting on me part. Yeah, it's like, and it's funny because, like, you're hearing somebody say, like,

all this awful shit happened to me. And then when you're, like, kind of like, feeling for them again, another insult happens. which was really funny. It was really funny. Yeah, he was like, you're just, and he's like one of the good times to be super fat is when you're overdosing. One of the favorite topics, of course,

you know this is murder, right? On this podcast. And in life, I just enjoy it, you know? I like the shows. I like the topic. Yeah. And I always talk about, like, you know, there's less serial killers today.

And, you know, it's harder even just to get away with a one-off murder because there's so many, like, advances in France. And there's cameras everywhere. As someone who wants to commit crimes of necessity, like shoplifting, I want that. I don't want to pay for it or wait in line. I want it. So I'll steal it.

Cameras everywhere. Everywhere. As someone who's like, you know what? Maybe one day I'll murder. And the way you got to do it is, no motive. It's got to be a rando. A rando. Yeah.

So they can't chase you back. But this is the thing. The way it's everywhere, dude. Like when you watch these, I watch these shows all the time. And it's like, had we piece it together. It's like they looked at this. Ring cam, ring cam, they see where you're going.

They see a vehicle passed down the street and go through a whatever, some, you know, toll booth. And it's like, that's what, you know, so it's really hard to get away. And there's fingerprints, there's DNA. So I'm always like, how can you fucking do it? And my theory is my theory is that the best possible way is to take somebody out. out in the open water, right? Open water. The open water is like...

There's no cameras in the open water. And you can, if you can at least disguise you going out there, which is the work of it. And that's what a lot of people do. That's what a lot of them do. They've gone like, something happened. And then... Yeah. Oh.

And this is just a story that came up. It's a new one? This is pretty recent. Police in the Bahamas say they arrested the husband of a missing Michigan woman after she vanished during a boat trip near Elbow K. authorities say 55-year-old Lynette Hooker was in a small motorboat

Saturday night with her husband Brian Brian told them she fell overboard with the keys which shut off the engine he said he then paddled to shore and reported her missing early Sunday the AP story says

Bahamian police arrested the husband in Abaco at the time of the report police had not said whether he had been formally charged her family was skeptical of the whole account her mother said she wanted more answers. Her daughter told NBC that Lynette was an experienced sailor

who was unlikely to, quote, just fall off the boat. The daughter also said the couple had a volatile relationship, especially when she had. I know why she had the keys. Why did she have the keys? Why'd she have the keys? Well, fuck you then. Well, fuck you then. You don't just have the key.

The keys are in the ignition. Yeah, you have to make a real effort. Yeah. And why would you do that out there? It's not just like, oh, I'm going to put this in the safe box. If you're volatile. If you're volatile history is like. You're fighting.

Well, then I'll fucking throw him over, boy, I don't give a fuck. I'm, bitch, I'll fuck it. Once you have the keys in your hand, that's a murder. Yeah. That's not just like, I fell. Also, get her. What do you mean? Oh, she fell, dude, it's over.

It fell, the waves were crazy. It's like a foot and a half down there. I don't even know where to look. All these cruise ships, that's like once or twice a year, got to be like, she didn't make it. She didn't make it. It's out to see. And we talked to those guys on all those, like, impractical Joker's cruise.

There's been a murder in the open sea on cruises where there's a famous one. where somebody, like a camera catches them falling off the balcony, you know? And they're like, wait, how does she fall, just like fall off the, because in theory you could, you could be like lit and just fall. If there's a camera that kicks it up and you're the pusher, you have to, if you know a camera picked it up, not you pushing, but just them falling, you have to go, oh my God, my wife fell.

Yeah. If there's not a camera, then you go, where's my wife? Has anybody seen her? Yeah. You delay that. but they also told us the amount of time it takes a stop and turn around yeah with the tides they're like they're gone you got one chance if you see it happen throw them a life thing oh yeah colors but they're pretty much gone and if you're cruising it and the night and the night is over they said

they said daytime you got a chance but you'd have to see them fall in it's fucking dude um i i talked to a charter boat captain one time yeah like a yacht captain and it all of those like fancy luxury yachts have cameras all over for security purposes you know like just a but for that but like to keep track of like where people are and you can be like oh this person's at this in the galley or you know i mean like you can see everything and he told me that he had a really high level um middle eastern wealthy guy and as soon as he board he was like can you cover up all the cameras and they were like sure so they had to like put covers on all the cameras because he was like i don't want I'm gonna do some stuff.

I might be doing some shit on board. Also, can I say don't sleep on the National Park System. Oh. Very few cameras. Rocks are way harder than water. Camping is a good. And he used to establish a pattern of like... I do this a lot.

I do this a lot. That was Scott Peterson's big mistake because he dumped his pregnant wife's body in the open water. And they were like, wait, how did this happen? He's like, well, I had a boat and I wanted it. take it out. That's the one I remember Scott Peterson. Christmas Eve. And I just took the boat out. And they were like, huh?

Why? He's like, I just had this boat sitting there. I wanted to take it out. He's never gone. Yeah. Yeah, Brian. The problem is then, what about if you just are camping with your wife or boating with your wife and she falls over and drowns? At first, you're like, oh, no.

And then you're like, there's a lot of people who are not going to believe me. Yeah. What do I do? Yeah. What do I do? Well, I think you're, if it's genuine like whether it's camping or boating you're in a genuine panic if you get back yeah yeah yeah but i've seen if you ever go down a black dolly a rabbit hole ah it's been a while i've they sell it dude yeah they sell it until their husband walks into the interrogation room that they thought was dead yeah and they're like oh i was i hired a cop to kill you didn't i

shit and they still try to sell it yeah tom i got something for you yeah i know what the show is i'm surprised i'm sorry christina couldn't be here she's here she's chopping wood yeah yeah um just doing a uh what's it called recreation what is it when the north fights of south yeah she's in one of those oh a civil war reenactment yeah yeah she's north and uh but i brought something in that you both love do you know what uh muddy bucks is a what muddy bucks yeah yeah oh tom buddy by the way go go go check out the end at uh ymh studios dot com right now yeah please guys did you find that money bucks okay oh fuck man okay this is okay Thomas oh that's a dude yeah it's

oh fuck oh he said what he said oh fuck you know what I always think about though and in shit like this yeah just hip mobility you know I mean it's so important as you get older to have like to do like hip mobility mobility yeah yeah yeah pull something. Yeah. Okay. Do you have one where he's completely submerged? Have you, this is a whole genre?

Oh, buddy, yeah. This is in Dan Savage's like, uh, porn. He has a porn like film festival. Uh-huh. And this one won. This one year? One year.

He's gonna nut through that mud? Oh, please don't. I don't know about it. Oh, please don't. Is this real? Yeah, buddy. That's not AI? It looks so fake.

I know. Oh, he's under. He's under. How do you find out? you like this well you found out right now yeah please don't please don't just on your chest with oh there's one where the guys completely just dunked in as somebody behind him fuck oh there that's not bad yeah I mean oh he's gone oh that cock wants that ass it's how did you find this on its own

The Dance Savage porn festival. What is this? He has a porn fest? He goes to movie theaters and puts up, oh. And he, he says submit and we'll take him the dirty best ones. Is Muddy Buck, is this a name of a film? Like, or this is a whole genre? I think it's these guys.

Oh, it's these guys. Yeah, and then they do a bunch. I think they're the most successful ones. Oh, yeah, they're the leaders. The one I love the most from, oh. They look pretty submerged. From this year, it was a bunch of people like doing the Che Guevar revolt against the workers. And then they all just start fucking.

But they're in like worker outfits. Yeah. They're like, the people have the power. Do you have a favorite genre? Of porn? Yeah. You know what I like? Because I like reality.

Yeah. So I like hidden camera. Uh-huh. Sell it as hidden camera or really do it either way. Especially as I both can sound like even better. But it's like, I didn't know you were taping. Yeah. But I'm cool with it.

Yeah. Yeah. Or something real that distresses someone. So I know it's real. So like, one time I saw one. This is a decent example. It was a chick on a couch getting fucked.

And another chick on a piano getting fucked. And the piano guy finished but didn't finish yet and came up behind the couch girl and jizzed in her hair. And she was so mad. Yeah. She's like, what the fuck, you piece of shit? I told you. And it was like, wow, this is not scripted.

Yeah, yeah, that was, yeah. I liked it. I liked that too. I like that. What do you got? Well, it's in line with what you like because I like, it became a popular fake genre. So you have to search for the real version of,

which is real BTS, real behind the scenes. So what they do is they've behind the scenes became popular. So they do fake behind the scenes. They act like they're behind the scenes. There's no amateur porn anymore. But the, it's genuinely older when the camera was actually filming behind the scenes, but like it wasn't a popular genre yet.

And so you would see really. and how they would like, they would get, they would get like into it before they filmed their scene. That was always hotter because it was real. It wasn't, real. Real. I tell you, I went in LA to, to a porn shoot. We knew a guy.

A long time ago? Yeah, 20 years ago. Oh, wow. There's all these like Hollywood Hills, like, kind of half mansions. With Tripoli? It was someone who knew Tripoli for sure, for sure. It was either Tripoli or Yoshi. I think it was a guy from Jiu-Hitou,

who was like, I'm doing it if you want to see one. I'm like, I for sure want to see one. doing one. He worked in the world. Wow. As a cameraman, he wasn't like a porn guy. Yeah, yeah. It was a porn star.

And it was like some caretaker of the house was in a room going like, don't dent anything, but they're renting it out for like 20 grand for the day to fuck everywhere. Yeah. But what was distressing was going to take a pee and seeing the enemas that were in the trash can. Oof. Yeah. To be like, let's clear out for this. How was watching the actual work?

it was interesting more than hot because there's so many people it's like I don't know it's like strip clubs I'm like unless you can throw a private room like this is not hot yeah yeah this is a fun thing with friends but like you three are creep to get a boner around other dudes

yeah yeah yeah and also like that's that's pretty intense to be up close and like where you're standing like you know video village it's so it's really there's 25 people around but on film it's just the two of them and you were watching just two people

yeah It's funny too when you can see like a girl go like, like let's say you're the camera, so you're face of the camera, and she's like, oh, yeah, oh yeah, okay, oh, and you see them taking direction? Yeah. You see them like, we're good? That's interesting, but not arousing to me.

Not arousing. Yeah, no. Because you were like, this is manufactured. Have you ever seen one? No, I've never been in person. You know, somebody told me one time. Reach out, Tom wants it. Uh, someone told me one time

that they were in their house and they looked over, like, out their window and they realized, this was in LA, that the house next to them would often be rented for like parties and stuff. And it was one of those eyes wide shut parties where like people were in tuxedos, had masks on and they were watching sex in the room.

And I was like, that's pretty exciting. I think even from their perspective, because they weren't at the party, they were watching the whole thing from their window. Oh, wow. Double voyeur, watching people watch sex. That's pretty good. cool you voyeur for an offer sex but just in general i don't know i don't think i like i mean i like

that story i was like oh that's pretty cool i probably would have stared at that for a while but like if i see people like i don't stop and i want to see them just do regular stuff with they don't know another than poinsetti it was like two buildings like like like kind of like this so you could so if you turn off the lights you can just watch them like making dinner or something like, and I'm just like stare and watch. I like that too. Here, let me show you a couple of things real quick. Okay.

Is this? I mean, you got to show Christina Muddy Bucks. I will show her body box. It's so, do this, but like it's so interesting, there's a version of life where you're out doing something. And you're like, oh, you know who would like this? On that trip I did it, there's a few different people. I'm like, oh, you know who would like go to a soccer game?

Like, Shane Gillis would love this or seeing some old, like, hieroglyphs. So like, Joe Rogan would love this. There's videos you watch, and I'm like, hey, when am I on YMH next? Yeah, yeah. Make a note. Make a note for Muddy Bucks. This is a fun one before I show you these. Okay.

This is like this meme I saw. Michael Jackson is going to bust in your asshole, right? And he's letting you choose one of his hits to play while he does it. Do you choose Billy Jean, Thriller, Beat It, or Man in the Mirror? Because I was thinking that man in the mirror makes it so much sadder. And you already, maybe you're sad. He's busting your assort. What's the position here?

You're bent over. Bent over. Not legs over him. No. No, you're bent over. Okay. I mean. Bent over.

You guys, if you're not going to ask questions, you don't know the answers. It's hard to shake, man in the mirror. Because you're like, oh, yeah. Because I don't want this. And that song can make you really sad, you know? Well, it's smooth. You also don't want to get, like, too hefey and have him pick up steam. Yeah.

You know, you want him moving slowly, gently, lovingly. Billy Jean is kind of, it's kind of nice that it's that, but it's like, is not my lover. It's not my love. You know, so you're like, yeah, I am your lover? I guess. I don't. Any, what do you think? What would you pick?

I don't want to participate in this conversation. I mean, beat it is, is thematically on point. Yeah, but you think beat it would be, it's too much, right? I specifically just said. Any, what position would you have him take you in? Yeah, I got me fucked up, bro. You're saying he's like, because beat it is, it's too fun. Just beat it.

But also you're beating off in my ass. So it's, I just, thematically, I like that the most. But now, okay, more questions. I know you can weigh on this whenever you want. You're getting bent over. Is there a mirror? You can look at him? I think so.

I think you're in the bathroom is how I pictured it. Okay. Then there is. Then man in the mirror is like, and then that's the most on point. It's the most on point, but it makes it so sad. Right. But you know what also fucks you up? What if he busts at the end of thriller and then you hear that laugh, that, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Like, that's, that's really sadistic, too. That's sadistic. That's the right side. But I think, Man in the Mirror, if you're looking at, reclaims the meaning of that song. Yeah. It's not yourself you're looking at anymore. Right. You're looking at King of Pop, and he's looking at your face. And he's looking at the man in the mirror, a different person.

The original meaning was I'm looking at myself. That is, that's right. Yeah. And maybe you look at him and you look at him and you, go like maybe stop doing this. Stop doing it. I see you as a person now. Stop doing this to me.

Yeah. Cool it. Beat it. Just cool it. Hey, Zolo, can you look over if any's hard or not? Bro actually look. So soft. Nigger actually looked.

He did really look. He did really look. Never been softer. That's crazy. It was a full joke, Zolo. My nigger looked. Sorry, buddy. I didn't mean to say.

What? But any, can you at least? tell me this? No. No, which is the worst? Which is the worst song? I don't want to. Yeah. At least that. No. Black or white? Doesn't matter if you're black or white. Great answer. Yeah. I mean, it's not in the, but it's not in the, it's not in the list of questions. It is a great. It's a great one. Yeah. Do you remember the time? Yeah. Huh. Huh. Huh. Something to think about. Something to take home with you. All right. All right. All right. Do you think this is horrible or hilarious what I'm going to show you?

Okay, hold on. Before you do it. What? You got to steal yourself sometimes for these. You do? Yeah. So in my head, I'm like, horrible or horrendous? So like, is this a human going to physically suffer right now?

I haven't seen any of them. You have not? I haven't seen any of them. Okay. I watch them with you. I'm hoping. Yeah. It's just somebody failing at a spelling bee.

It comes up. Sometimes they put it together. Who's they? The guys. The guys in the booth. Yeah. Oh, we got later, we're going to talk about the fucking end production cards

that I let your idiots do for me. Oh, boy. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. All right, so they put it together, and you haven't seen it. Ooh. Look how calm he is.

His hands just got crushed in the hood. He's so calm. Oh, and he got one. Oh, he's like, please just fucking open the latch. That happens so fast. He's like, oh, you got to open the driver. There's a button. Oh.

Oh, no, Tom Falk here's in the trunk. Holy shit. Oh, you dumb idiot. Not the trunk. Oh, man. That's nuts. And he's not getting it out. I think all of us have empathy on this one.

I mean, we've all slammed our finger in the door. That's the word. It's so fucking horrible. It doesn't seem like your finger would have space for it. God. And it was also his crazy ass is like, you're shaking the, you know what I mean? shaking that. Bam. Oh.

He's composed. He's very composed. Man. He's like, ah, hey. All right. But horrible?

It's pretty horrible. Horrible or what? Hilarious. It was horrible until the lady opens the trunk. That made it really funny. That felt like a actual,

like a comedy movie, right? How many times are you in a rental car somewhere? Yeah. And you go to the gas station, you do that, and like, fucking trunk. Yeah, yeah. And you do it again.

Like, no hood. Where the fucking. is this thing. Yeah, where's the fucking button for this? All right, here's this one. Pause, pause, pause. Okay. I like the where he's going to go too. So this could go anywhere. I mean, it's a, it's a tilted over for the listeners here, for the seven listeners of the show. It's a tilted over kind of forward bus. Like a charter bus. It's almost like it's a regular bus, but Bert was sitting in the front seat. It's exactly right. So it's just pushed down in the front end is really low. So this could go anywhere from. I'll tell you what I think is. Please don't go.

off the fucking cliff. Can I tell you what I immediately go to? Yeah. I immediately go to the man who's standing on the road and I'm going, you shouldn't be standing there. If he knew he was in a YMH video right now, he would get out of there. He'd get out of there because I also see that the tires are turned towards him. You know what I mean?

That's the first thing that I notice is that there's a guy standing there. The tires are turned towards him slightly a little bit more in there coming out of it. You know, a lot of people got on, but when I left town, I came back and observed a lot of And a lot of comedians seem like they've turned against each other because people got too much into politics. And it got like, wow, that's just terrible. This is awful. But Wyomache has been showing awful things for many, many years.

Many years. You made your bones on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We don't. It is crazy how many guys got involved in politics, though.

It's so lame. It's so weird. It's so lame. Go vote. But like, what? What? I know. Show people suffering.

Yeah. Let's see how terrible this gets. All right. He's... Oh, he's in the really bad spot. Buena Barba. Oh, that's worse. He's literally...

He's right on it. Okay. He's standing exactly where he shouldn't stand. That's a fucking cliff. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, that God, that tree. Oh, my God. It's such a drop.

Stop driving. That is insane. Who's the driver there? Is it some guy? like, hey, move this up for me? Oh, my God. Hey, I'll watch. You move it up for me.

I've never done this before. This was, um... How did he get out there? They could only get out through the, that big door. You could have... It's Cliff, I knew it. No one was injured in this. Bullshit.

But extremely terrified. That's what the note says. Yeah. He believed he was in reverse. But visually, I know. You would be clued off that you're not in reverse. Dude.

Where would you? you know. Okay. This guy. All right. I'm trying to be in reverse for sure. You can back up. He's just giving it a touch. Okay. Oh, you can see that he needs to. Oh, that's why he's turned, he thinks he's in reverse to go like that. Okay, now you're going to run here. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, still stop. Still stop. Still stop. It's so long of him not being in reverse. Oh, my God. I mean, so close. Do you think they're laughing like this was fun? Or was that cries of terror? You could put those tears.

You could put those laughs over like a gentle, like what's the one with the horses? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mary go around. Yeah. And it would fit. It would fit. It would fit. It would fit.

It would fit. I know. Screams of terror. That was really nuts. He, his brain short circuited on them. Yeah. You ever had that where you're like, I wish I just wasn't thinking right? Very briefly.

But yeah, it's usually like a quick thing where you're like, what the fuck just happened? Yeah. That was awful, though. Is he going? That guy, is he fixed? Oh, he's. Oh no you didn't even see a guy there he was fixing the stoplight right stoplight Yeah some electrical

Did somebody hit him? Oh yeah somebody hit the car somebody probably hit the truck that has the cherry picker Well he just fell right out of it. We don't see it. It's it's you guys drop in. That's why you got to strap in that's why you got to strap in That one was pretty rough safety for that guy is that guy's a piece of shit that was recording like how do you Why did he hide it as soon as it happened? Yeah, yeah. He hit it. Bad cameraman, for sure. What an asshole.

Also, was he in on it? From that distance? Why would you be recording a guy just fixing a stoplight? Let's see. He's pretty far away from it. Crunch, he says. He just fell. He says crunch before it happens.

Crunch. Does he know something's about to hit that thing? Maybe he does. He does. Crunch. He does say crunch. Yeah. The truck he was working on was hit by a car.

He was okay and only suffered minor injuries surprisingly. What? Yeah. So you fell from two feet in the air. That's your vertical and broke everything. Yeah. And that guy fell from a cherry picker. That's like two basketball feet high.

Yeah. He had a helmet. I should have worn a helmet. Should wear a helmet. You arm would have been fine. Are you recovered from that completely or are you still in pain? No. No, okay.

I'm good, man. Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. What? What's she screaming about? Is something off? Maybe something on her. I think maybe she, she didn't get hit, but I think in trying to dip away, she got.

That scream was my, my leg is off. That's that kind of scream, but I didn't see anything. She broke her leg. Okay. But the driver was okay due to the roll cage. Here, see it again. Yeah, she lost her footing trying to get out of the way. Right there.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

God. Damn. God. Holy shit. Here we go again. Whoa. Look at the leg on the woman. It's fine.

It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Right there. Oh. It's 90 degrees. Wow. Oh, fuck.

Now, let's put that scream over. Ferris wheel and see if that carries the same. Wow. And the weird thing is, bless you. Thank you. Kind of unrelated to the car. I mean, it was caused by it, but it wasn't like, yeah.

If there was like, you know what I mean, if there was free tacos and she was running. She would have done that too. She would have done that too. Yeah. And it was just that little movement that she made. Not in shape. Yeah.

That one's closer to your basketball. It totally is. That's what happens. That's what happens. Also, yeah, weird. My thought didn't it all go to the car flipping? When I first, it was like, who's he going to murder on this role?

Yeah, yeah, yep. The roll cage did it. God. So it was kind of horrible, and then it got hilarious. And I would argue that the scream was really funny. The scream, oh, I forgot we were playing. I thought that the scream was less about the pain than the moment she sees it.

She sees it. Yeah, she sees it. And she's like, that's not right. That's not right. my foot never points that way. I've seen my foot so many times. It's always this way. It's never done that. Dude, I had a, I had a, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, dude, I can't take these thighs. That's the last one. That's the last one. Jesus Christ. I was at the John Jones fight where he broke, not the John Jones, Anderson Silva. Where he broke. Where he just snapped it. And I was close. And it was like,

it didn't make sense. I was at the Connor one. Really? Yeah. It looks like a sock you fill up with like a bunch of marbles. Yeah, when they go to step too. Yeah, and they don't know it yet. So they step and I'm like, oh, that's not. And you know, I saw it because I was, I was close.

I saw it before the reaction, you know, where I, so like I see it step and I'm like, oh, no. And then all of a sudden, like, it was like one, two, three. You see everyone. Like, yeah, it was horrible. Oh, what a terrible. Did you see. So wait, oh, also. Yeah, yeah.

So he's doing a high dive job. Yeah. He's like he's about to jump and I guess it looks like there's slots slots in there Slats what is it what's the word I'm looking for Slats it's poorly designed it's poorly designed That's crazy you're about to jump off that

Was that a knot in See? Yeah they need a board on that They don't have a board the board's off And he goes fuck the safety rules I'll do it anyway Went right through it Okay but here's the problem

What So high dives Is generally a judge sport Yeah. What's the score? Hmm. I'd say pretty, pretty poor. It's poor for execution.

Didn't get, no splash though. No splash. No splash. That's one of the keys you're looking for. Original. Original. Yeah. No one's done this kind of die before.

Creative. Yeah. So, uh, six three. New moment. Mm-hmm. Do you have a mic that's here just when you have a fart to fart into it? Mm-hmm. Is that Christina going, don't fart to my fucking mic?

No, she's like, please have a mic. Have a spare mic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's got a mic called fart. He's the fart mic, yeah. She loves it. If you gave an autistic child a billion dollars, they would build the YMH studios.

Yeah, I know. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. Did you see the now mega viral clip of Ray J. on Cam Newton's show? No. You got,

this is a few weeks ago. Ray J is the one who fucked the Kardashian. That's right. Who center famous. Yeah. Yeah. Who was, is built to please, as you like to say. Yeah.

Yeah. And, um, Cam, you know Cam, former NFL all pro quarterback. Panther great. Yeah, great quarterback.

So he just love it when a woman weighs in on sports. Remember that one? He goes, I just think it's funny. And people like, what it was no i mean just like you've never my bad it's like oh dude oh yeah that was hot

there was also the moment I love the um the from the in game Mike is on and he's like standing behind the line of scrimmage and the linebacker says like

like screen screen or something like that and uh Kams goes oh you've been watching film huh watch this and then takes the snap from the shotgun formation and throws it a touchdown. Launches one downfield? No, it's like, it's like close to the end zone. Oh. But like he's like, you've been watching film, huh?

Watch this. And then he just throws a dark. It's awesome. It's awesome. He's also watching film and he knows one weakness. He's like, no, no, you got my play picked up, but you don't, the titan's going to go out and you don't know. It's awesome. Wow.

It might be this one right here. Here it is. That's cool. Watch this. He's having fun. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a kid. How gangster is that?

That's cool. It's so cool, dude. It's a wheel route. Wow. To be in the NFL and have that interaction. Yeah, he's like, he's still just playing the game. Yeah, so cool. Wow.

So anyway, he has a podcast now. Yeah, yeah. A lot of athletes doing podcasts. A lot of them. He's great. He's great. And this interaction is amazing. I like a, I like a, we'll play it in a second, but I like a, like this, like a former rapper or former athlete podcast because you're like, I'm done.

Yeah. So I'll say anything. Yeah. Because you can't take anything away from me. This is all just bonus. All the smoke? That's one of the best ones, dude. What's all the smoke?

That's, um, is that 50 cent? No, no, Matt Barnes and, uh, Stephen Jackson, Sacks, right? Matt Barnes is one of the few, uh, threats of violence I got after that Kobe tweet that I was, like no that's fair you knew him oh yeah yeah that one that one's fair this their their show is great dude interesting it's great they just have all and they're just like I'm done playing this is like fun bonus thing I don't care if I say something wrong or you take it all away they don't care it's all fuck yeah and they have great conversations with a butt like wow they have had so many good episodes okay let me see cam and ray J okay okay okay wait

wait what what a way to come into this I know You asked me that last time. And I just, because it's not okay. Last time wasn't this time. But when you say, I'm going to knock you out and put you in my bed. That means I was going to sleep him and then put him in the bed with me. Yeah. Right.

That's the gay thing. That's the very suspect choice of words, brother. By the way, they're both dressed so gay. Yeah. They're both dressed, not just gay. They're both dressed gay to impress. Well, Cam is famous for his fashion, you know. You know, like he always has had, like,

pretty standout fashion. Sure, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. But if you put this guy at fucking Mickey's on West, on fucking Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood, you wouldn't go, that's an athlete.

Right. You just go, that's some guy at Mickey's. Okay. Either way, we accept you, bro. So I listen to like Biggie Smalls. You like Biggie?

Are you paying? I'm giving you an analogy to it. There's a, there's something to. Can you answer? Yes or no and then go into that. That side was great. Shout out to the Gageancy.

Yes. What does it matter if I'm gay or not? It doesn't matter. I just asking a question. That's part that's, I mean, okay, so people like people. When they leave here, we're all together. When you leave and it's done and it's a rap for the day, everybody's going to do something. Everybody's gonna go to their prospective places.

Some people are gonna go home and I hate to say this, but it's just gonna be grimy, but I'm sure there's people that go. You gotta hear this. Hold on. Some people are gonna go home. They got a dog. Their favorite dog, they stop by the store, grab some peanut butter, right?

Yeah. Go home, excited to see their dog. They put a bunch of peanut butter on their feet to the dog can lick it off. Some people even go further, to watch TV on all fours, slap a little peanut butter in the crack, and enjoy their soul.

And the dog is having a good time, right? Cam is so bad. I don't know what that is. It's not of my business. It's not my business. Have you ever did that? Have I ever had a dog lick my ass and peanut butter in it?

No. Okay. But I'm familiar with it. Whoa. So, Willie Ray. I'm familiar with it because I caught somebody doing it. Willie Ray. What?

No moment. No names, but it was a lot. Willie Ray. Yes. How old are you? I'm 45. You're 45 years old. In 45 years of living, have you ever been with a man?

I mean, it's no. Do you have not? You have not is now you're going into it. No, I'm not. I'm just trying to confirm. Yeah, but I don't want to, but here's the thing. It was a long pause and say no. Yeah.

Yeah. Board pause. And I'm the only straight person on the board. but again I have friends shout out to Tarad shout out to D shout out to Backshot

Shout out to Bussy Baby That supports the agency And all the What's the agency? I don't know It's not an agency It's a agency Yeah

Oh thank you a good answer All things LGBTQ plus IA I plus I'm sorry It's just because you I was already going there And then you looked up I'll plus IA but it's IA plus Okay

Cool He's like I don't care about any of this Are you fuck it Are you a homo? I don't have to ask this, but it's fair. Are you gay? No, sir. Okay.

Look how much quicker that answer was. See. And I've never experienced nobody getting licked. No. I'm just six or six. But that's for older people. Older people do that. Would you consider 36 old?

No, I'm thinking like, it's like 50, 55. Good thing, I'm 36. So I'm older. Yeah. What? What? That too. He was like,

But I mean, hold on, he's nine years old of them. So when Ray J was 30, Cam was not in the NFL net. Right. So why is shocked that? Yeah, I don't know. You remember him getting drafted and you were already fucking dudes at the time. That wow is be like, it's crazy that I'm older than you. It's like, no, it's not, dude.

He's like, I'm so young. Seaman keeps you young. Not like that. I'm just saying. I feel young. Um, yeah. And again, my apologies for the peanut butter stuff. It just was an analogy.

Say less. Okay. You're just telling it an experience. It's not mine. Yeah, but you experience someone. I saw it, which is still a dick. A peanut butter was there. Yeah.

He holds a cigarette guy. The whole thing was fucking... The whole thing's pretty... This is one of the best clips I've seen in a long time for an interview. There's a lot to a lot to unpack. First, he's like, are you getting? He's like, do you like Biggie Smalls? I love to see.

I love the side. It just goes like... Can you just answer? He's like, you like Biggie? He was talking to Ray J like you talk to a drunk heckler. Yeah. Who's not taking like,

are you got me on that one? They just keep going and eventually like, dude, you're belligerent. We got to get him out of here. We can't do this. Come on, guys. I've tried.

Yeah. No, that's exactly how he is. And then he's like, we're all going to leave here. Right? We're all people. Like, yeah. Some people love their dog

and they're going to go get peanut butter. And when they get home, that's what they're going to do. Has you ever did that? And he goes, no, but I've seen people. He goes, and that's one where Bert would be like, get sidetracked on the story. Oh, my God. Cam stayed in the pocket and go, I'll go down that road in a minute.

I want this gay answer. So let's stay on point. Well, part of the brilliance of this clip is honestly, Cam not speaking. Play calling. He knew to let him go. And that's like a great certain times. Really, every podcast you need to learn that. I do.

Viewer tactic, right? If somebody is on one like this, you got to just stay quiet. That's why we got this clip is because he stayed quiet. That was amazing. Can I point something else out too? Yeah. If you just watch on mute, Cam Newton didn't put a lot of money in these chairs. They're very rickety.

Just from a production standpoint, like get something stronger. You want better chairs? Yeah, press play. Watch it shake. You don't have to listen to it as he moves. Hold on. Look at that. Oh, yeah, I see what you're saying.

Cheap, Cam. Cheap, bro. Rookie of the Year. I did not. Come on. Okay. All right. Fair.

Yeah. Fair. There's a high-level. This shit I would do in my apartment. You're the only guy who watched this probably in the world. It was like with some of these chairs, brother. Ari, are you gay? Tom.

Man, if Bert was here, we could have a long talk. Okay. Do I have friends? Can you please just answer the question? I'm trying. I'm setting up an analogy for what I'm talking about. Okay. Do I have friends?

Yes. Yes. Now, a lot of those friends have hats, have baseball caps, have other types of some have cowboy hats. And everyone wears a different cap at different times. And sometimes, Tom, sometimes they don't wear any cap at all. They just brush their hair and go out. and I'm out here to judge those people. How old are you?

47. So whatever cap you have on is your cap for the day, and I'm familiar with people who've done it every way. Next question. What? You like hats, right? Yeah, it's so insane. All right, listen, this was a lot of fun.

This was a lot of fun. Dude, this is such a fun pot. I'm sorry, Christina couldn't be here today. Yes. Don't forget to buy her lipstick. Can we show one of these production cards that the idiots made? Yeah, can we?

So my last production card was me. Actually, it was that moment. You made it happen. I don't, I'm an outsider of Hollywood. And so, like, you need a production card. I'm like, I'm not actually, that's my old one. It's just me blurred out on stage after you told me, take your dick out.

I can't believe that was me. It was you. Really? Oh yeah. And it was a great suggestion. Okay. But I was like, let's do that. How about a blurred out shot of my cock?

Got it? I'm sure my first thing was like, have my cock. And they're like, no. No. And so what's the other one? So I was gone traveling and have my files, and we had to start finishing these. So I wrote to Niana and Zolo and the rest of them. And I was like, guys, if you don't mind the extra work, make me any production card or production cards you want for the end.

and I'll just force myself to use those. Okay. So I have not seen them all. I've seen a couple of them. They're rude. The rude? Some of them are, I would say, over the line. Okay.

Can we get, it's a, oh, come on. That's the card? That's okay. So it goes YMH and then it goes Eric Abrams a card. And you, I think it goes like this, whatever, and then that. Oh, my. Shit. Caitlin made that one.

Who made that one? Caitlin. Wow. Caitlin. I trusted you. That is slightly offensive. The cool thing about making a TV show completely on your own is you're allowed to do whatever you want. You really can.

That's hilarious, bro. Wow. Oh, there's other ones. Some are less offensive. This is me dancing at Carnival. Did you go to Carnival? Yeah. How was it?

Oh, you said it was amazing. It was just the best. Just dancing and drinking. Oh, come on. That's pretty good. Which one did they use? They used seven of them. Seven episodes.

Oh, they switched them out. Okay, let me see another one. These are fucking great, man. I have no regrets on that one. That was pretty great. They're really getting in there. Yeah. Nice.

That's pretty great, dude. Nice. If you want to hear a story about that card, episode one of the end with me, Colum Tiro and Tom Sagu. Yeah. That's another one where you're like, are you worried about telling these stories?

I'm like, I got to talk to him. Yeah, yeah. He's fine. I like it. It's from you be tripping. Yeah. Okay.

Oh, boy. Oh. Oh, I remember the Jew clam. That reminds me of Jew clam. That first one is nuts. The first one. Yeah. No one stays till the end.

No one stays to the end or it would be in trouble. I'm picking right now. It's a gold coin. That is insane. Who did that one? Kaylin, yeah. Nice, bro. That's amazing.

You really have, it's like you've trained a bunch of lions and then released donkeys and go, let's see what they do. Yeah, they kill it all the time, man. These guys are so funny. Oh, my God. Get the end. It's at yMH studios.com. All the comedians participate.

Yeah, we're paying the comments. Yeah, it's not like. This doesn't really been done. I don't, is this done ever? There's like points for like stars, but like not like this. Not like this. No, it's crazy. We're told all the comics. There was a mixture of comics between people who were like,

wanted to do this show always and it was never on. Yeah. They got canceled. I couldn't do it. I've always wanted to. Old timers. Yeah. Like you who was like, I love the show.

It's funny too when the show got sort of canceled. Yeah. And then they were like, are you still going to do it? You and Bert were like, no. No. I didn't want to do it already. No. No.

He's a favorite for Ari. Ari's out. What are you talking about? No way. But, but, but, yeah. And it was like, all these guys are doing it. Like, let's split up the money with everybody. It's very cool.

It's very cool. The show is great. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for helping it happen and all these guys. Absolutely. Thank you. Yeah.

They killed it. And don't forget, check out chichabomba. What? Cheechabomba. Oh, that's it. The bakery. Chechabomba. What is?

It means a little fat ass. Like we call a little fat kid. Chichabomba, okay. Yeah, check out the bakery. I'm going today. Please. Can I ask you a question? Yeah.

So today is like a soft launch. Yeah, it's like a little events in the past. Yeah. So. And it's okay either way, but I just want to know. Is today like freebies or is like a pay thing? Oh, fuck, man. It's free.

Hey, cancel that order from the burrito place. You can eat your heart out, dude. Oh, buddy, I'm going to eat you poor. Yeah, please do. Now you're going to rename it Pobre Segura. And how do you say thank you in Hebrew? Tadaraba. Tadda.

Tadda. Tadda. All right. It's such a... Oh. Thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. We'll see you next week.

Are you Jewish? Flender. Retide. Oh, my God. Are you Jewett? Fender. Gender fluid in your mouth. Are you Jewish?

Flendor. Retide. Are you Jewett? Give me your gender fluid. Are you Jewish? Flender. Retide. Fuck my God.

Are you Jewett? Flender. Gender fluid. In your mouth. Are you Jewish? Flender. Retired. Are you Jewish?

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