Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Is This Weird? w/ Rob Iler | YMH Ep. 779

Episode Date: October 2, 2024

Get tickets for Tom's show at Madison Square Garden at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. - Get up to 60% off at https://Babbel.com/YMH This week on Your Mom's House Podcast, Tom Segura and Christina P are joined by NTP host and AJ Soprano himself, Rob Iler! Before Robby enters the Mommy Dome, Tom and Christina spar about some recent nighttime behaviors and an update on Christina P's Christina T's. Tom opens the show with a really cool unc with a really cool demand, before Christine gets on a soap box and goes on a tirade about a new type of Barbie she's seen around town. The Main Mommies also check out some more Fancy Chef vids and keep the hype train chugging. Rob Iler joins Tom and a strangely silent Christina to talk gambling, men's retreats, jury duty, plus size park hoppers, and Fancy Chef. Tom also grills Rob on some of the weirder aspects of his personality that the studio staff have picked up on over the last year of working with him. They also read an email about a colostomy bag sex worker and watch some clips of a transactional relationship involving sniffing sneakers. Try it out! Your Mom’s House Ep. 779 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

More 2025 dates will be announced very soon. Limited tickets left for Columbus on October 4th and Detroit on October 5th. Tickets and all upcoming tour dates at tomscuro.com slash tour. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out

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Hello, mate. Hello, Gab. Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. My mom says. My mom. Do it. Do it. No.

No. Nay. Nay. That's been a new one in the cigarette house is the Australian. No, no, terrible. No. How are you going? No. Yeah, I'm so tired. Mm hmm. I've been like the kids have been waking me up and you've been waking me up snoring so bad.

The fucking balls on thisoring so bad the fucking balls Bad the fucking balls on this broad. Yeah, I've been going to sleep every night and every fucking night you have been snoring Like a donkey and you know what ends up happening. I just go well, you know, just let her do it I have cancer time exactly I can do whatever I want Here goes the cancer shit

so I I'm sitting here with my Invisalign shit and I I still I keep my mouth shut and I go let her do it and then I Fall asleep and then I'll be like I'll hear Tom. Hey, and I'm like, huh? And you're like you're snoring and I'm like you're fucking snoring Yeah, I'm like Jesus you snore yeah, and then you're like turn over do something move I'm like, okay, like I've been dealing with your shit your bullshit snores for months now So what? I have to sleep on my-

You did laugh when I said it to you? I laugh, yeah, because you're like, you snore. Because that's how my mother used to- oh, everybody, hold on. Tom's putting chapstick on with his mouth open again. Where you really get those corners moistened, huh? Lubricated. It's the proper way to put on chapstick. Do you like the smell of this chapstick?

No, I don't like this one at all. It smells terrible. But I just want to have, you know- Let me hook you up, hook you up, there's better Flaves in the world. I have to sleep on my back because of my fake tits, sweetie. They're healing stuff.

But I do feel like I get a cancer pass for like a year. You have to be much nicer to me. Can I tell you a secret now that we're past it? What? It's almost as bad as pump. Are you about to say- Putting holes in the. Guess what?

I didn't have cancer. You didn't have cancer this whole time. That's awesome. As putting holes in the wall for the hamster. Yeah. The day that I got my biopsy, the nurses were joking and they were like, you should tell him it was really worse than it was

that he treats you nicely. And I was like, I think I'm gonna try that. I totally faked that it was bigger than it was that he treats you nicely. And I was like, I think I'm gonna try that. I totally faked that it was bigger than it was. To get you to be nicer to me. They did punch a hole in my tit and there was blood everywhere, that's true. You told a very dramatic story. I remember.

Tell me, tell me, tell me. Cause I did hem it up a little. Wait wait let me ask you for how did I respond? Yes, no you were at first you're like, can you drop me off at the office? After your biopsy and I was like no, I have a hole in my tit and I'm high on Xanax I can't drive you anywhere. Okay, but then and then you're like, okay. Yeah, okay, and then you were nice to me Okay, you were super nice to me. So intended goal achieved. Yeah, okay, and then you were nice to me. Okay, you were super nice to me. So intended goal achieved. Yeah Yeah, yeah, you told it like a harrowing tale You were like they were supposed to just make this

They told me it was gonna be a small incision and it ended up being just so much bigger and there was so much blood Blood on the floor blood was shooting out. It's true though There was blood everywhere that's the truth that I feel like it's way way more intense than then they would scry I think it was just they didn't expect it to be the way it was It was fun to fuck with you I was so high on Xanax that It probably should have been more traumatic than I felt and then the nurses together were like It's fine. You should do they're like you should call it Mac home, you know women talk Yeah, it's a tall Mac home. You got that. There's a backup to stuff that you bought

Yeah, it's like when you get your makeup done Yeah for a TV show and they're like your husband's a tech out you look you look hot. But you don't, because in real life you look crazy. He's like a psycho. You look like a whore, a clown whore. So anyway, I did lie to you a little bit, I embellished. I believe is the word. Just so you know, I'm not embellishing about your snoring.

It is intense and it's every night. How loud is it? It sounds like a fucking grown man, like a trucker. Don't lie. Taking a nap. Why don't you record it? Record it. man, like a trucker. Don't lie. Taking a nap. Why don't you record it? Record it.

Okay, I'll record it. Yeah, you know technology. Yeah, I know how to press record. Yeah, I'll do it. Do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. And then I'll surprise you on the show.

A buh. What should I do, tape my mouth shut again? No. Just do it. All right. Just do your thing. I'll deal with it. All right. I'll deal.

Would you like to open the show? You ready to have some fun today? Ready to have a good time? I'm ready to have a good time. You ready to? Yeah. Yeah. To do our thing?

Hold on. YouTube is trying to fuck our shit. Fuck that. We got to do that. Film it. Yeah. She's right. That's what's going on.

It's a real problem. They're trying to fuck our shit still? Always, it's just a whole thing. The whole world's changed with them. I know, and meanwhile, some guy that puts his finger in his butt and nears his asshole. That's fine, he's teaching you. My kid can go see him do that stuff.

He's like, ah, this makes me bigger when I trim my dick like this. Unreal. Okay, it's on YouTube? Yeah, it's fucking, don't let your kids on this. Unreal. Okay, it's on YouTube? Yeah, it's funny. Don't let your kids on YouTube. Anyway. Yeah.

Let's do something nice. How about a nice way to open the show? Okay, yeah. Nice clip, let's do that. Are you a bitch that loves seeing a nigga check his dick off when I'm exhausted

and tired from doing that will you love the finale meals bus in my car in your mouth Wow. Wow. Good opener. It's intense. What part? I think the most menacing part is just the stare. It's so fucking dialed up. Yeah, can I write stuff down? Give me your pen. That chapstick smells. Smells like medicine. Listen. Are you a bitch? Yes. Yeah. See, the thing is, I hadn't considered his offer.

I hadn't considered this as an option, and then his conviction and his level of certitude Yeah, I might be on board with watching him do this. I don't want to seriously I never would have imagined a hundred years that this was gonna go to this really I don't like the use of it the n-word I mean, I don't want it. Okay, but let's play it again. I want to make sure I know what the offer is Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm pretty confused by it too. Here. Let's go back to it Yes I know what the offer is. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm pretty confused by it too here. Let's go back to it Are you a bitch? Yes That loves seeing a nigga Jack his dick off

When I'm exhausted It's tired from doing that some jacking off That's what you're saying. Will you love the finale? Not a blink yet. Me of? Wow. Busting my calm in your mouth. I don't want it in my mouth. Where do you want it? Anywhere else.

Anywhere else? Anywhere else. Forehead? No. Well, that's what you said, anywhere else. I'm just thinking, like, it's so intense. Yeah, this dude is on the ver- I mean, he is.

This kind of gives you, you know, this is good for women to see. This is a level that all men get to. We don't always articulate it, but this is, we're all, it's all possible. Like men always have a hum, right? Of like, mm, I need to come, and it just stays there. And then if you let enough time pass

and you arouse a guy enough and he's denied something, then he just gets just like, do you wanna see me jack off in your mouth? Like every guy can see this on some level and go like, well, I've been there. I mean, I didn't make a video. I didn't make the video, but I've been there. Cause we've all, we've seen many a frenzied horny man.

Yeah, yeah. This is a, and also- This is different. This isn't contained, but it's contained erotic rage. Right? That's what it is. It is, yeah. He's not screaming, but his dick is.

Like he's about to fucking- He's at a 20. Yeah, exactly. If he doesn't come right now with somebody else. Now here's the thing. What I find interesting is that we always tell women, you know, or tell people, men, women don't like this. But here's what's interesting, audience.

This video played and the woman in the room was like, I wouldn't mind watching this. So it just shows you that when you have conviction and when you really have drive, there is somebody who's willing to say yes. Well I think only because his level of salesmanship and his his conviction yeah it's solely emotional it's like when you watch a talk hold on okay it's not about the algorithm it's about your emotion at the time and he is so keyed up. You're right, it's a rageful sexual energy. Now is it that he needs someone else to watch him come or that he just needs to come right now?

It's as the other person has to be there. Well, it's an interesting thing that you said. Well, first of all, I'd like to say, ultimately what sold you on this is something that you, as a man, you hear the whole life, which is confidence. Passion, yeah. That women respond to that. I'd watch it.

See? I'd watch it, but I don't want it to come in my mouth because I don't know him. Again, you're only saying it's not allowed in your mouth. Is it allowed on your fucking- Well, don't put it on my body, just come somewhere else. Why do you have to come on me? I didn't know that you were willing to be in the same room.

I thought you just- I don't know about that. He didn't say that, did he? Well, I don't think he, I mean, no one asked for that specificity but you. I mean, this feels like something you couldity, but you I mean this feels like Something you could say like I'd watch the video and here you are being like just keep it out of my mouth Here's the thing. I've seen many a guy masturbate in public. Yeah, sure public transportation on park benches homeless people

Under tunnels under freeways got it. It's fine But I don't know if I I wouldn't want to be so close to him in proximity because this could go somewhere else. Yeah, of course it could. But I'd watch a vid. We've seen. We were all thinking vid. You were the only one who was like,

just not on my leg. So. Oh, okay, yeah, I'd watch. Do we have the footage? I don't think anybody imagined you being in the same room as the guy. I mean, that, yeah. Again.

That would be. That's the only place your mind went. I mean that, yeah. Again. That would be. That's the only place your mind went. Let me ask you this, why is he wearing his headphones? Okay. A skew, why are the headphones? He's probably in a truck and he's on break right now. He's just delivering something and driving across the street. That's your Amazon guy.

Yeah. This is in between packages. This is an Amazon driver. He's so keyed up, man. You forget that that's who's filling the world up is people like this are doing regular jobs. Regular people. Yeah.

I know it's really wild to think about people's secret proclivities and like what gets them ramped up. That guy's ready to nut. He's, I've never seen a guy this angrily. Contained though. Yeah, I'm never seen a guy this angrily. Contained though. Yeah, I'm looking for girls for pussy. Like we've seen the creepy horny,

but this is a new type of horny. But here's the thing. Rage horny. But this is what's interesting. And I think you're kind of like. Sure. You've never seen one of these and said like, I'd watch that.

And then something about this man, maybe because he's not fucking fucking he's not an ugly guy He's not attractive. He's not a creepy guy, but he's saying some pretty wild shit and you're like I check it out You know what though? Hold on Tom. I'd like to point out that since this show has started I've evolved Oh, I've changed. Yeah, I'm an older broad I'm more accepting now. I watched Will Blunderfelt stand on his head and masturbate into his own mouth. Yeah, yeah.

I have cum all over my face. A few times now. I'm open. Okay. I'm more open. All right. Cool. Okay, you cum. That one I'll never like. See?

But that one's not. It's so tiny. It's sad., sad when he come when he fun it's so anticlimactic and the buildup is so long It's so pathetic and it's because of his see all that dumb his his His circulatory system is not healthy when yeah when I heard he died I'll say this. Shocked. I was not surprised. Shocked. I was not like, yeah.

Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing this. This is really cool. Do you have a loved one whose native tongue is in English? Why not impress them this holiday season by speaking their language with Babble You Can. Speak like a whole new you with Babbel, the language learning app that gets you talking. With quick 10-minute lessons,

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in my stories, that they finally, finally released Black Down Syndrome Barbie. Oh yeah. I mean very retarded. Yeah. And? Well, could you bring up the post, Zolo, because as always, the comments are really what kills me.

So it's a news report where this woman is like, due to the huge demand in the black community, we've made, Mattel has decided to make black testing. And of course the comments were just like, no we didn't. Could you not? Yeah. Fucking retarded.

Where is she? Bring up that post. Some dumb country bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Mattel releases the first ever, we can't play this audio, right? So here's what the audio is saying, if you're not, obviously, that due to the large demand in the black community, Mattel has finally done it and this white lady here, Candy, is here to tell us how amazing it is and how there's three arrows to represent

the third, you know, chromosome and whatever. And, but also if you'll notice, which I find, and this is an actual Down syndrome girl playing with it. If you'll notice this Barbie still kind of hot, like skinny. Don't compliment that bitch. She's skinny and still effable, which is kind of creepy. Don't you think? I'm just pointing out that. Well, here's the thing.

If you hadn't said anything, I'm just saying, I would never look at this Barbie and go, oh, it's the Barbie with Down syndrome. Right. Like, I mean, I can't figure that out. Right. So it's still kind of creepy that a children's toy has to be fuckable.

Yeah, I mean. I mean, she's still hot, which is- She just looks like she has a black dad and a Korean mom is what this kind of looks like, you know? You've seen those, right? And you're like, wow, she's pretty hot. Korean mom! And you're like, that's a great mix.

Okay, let's see. I thought, I saw, I had a glance at that comment, I said, boy, that's Segura. I didn't actually read it, but wow. Okay. Now, if only they hire black designers on the Barbie team. Diversity inclusion needs to extend beyond the dolls. That's a valid point.

It's so valid point. Scroll down more. Not for me over here about to cry. This is the epitome of representation, okay? Next is who asked for this? That's the comment that got me. Who asked for this? Then the next comment is,

I don't have a problem with the Down syndrome doll. I have a problem with only being the first black with Down syndrome. As if Down syndrome don't exist in other races. Why couldn't it be a series of dolls? I agree with that. You know what this also highlights though, is how the idea that everybody gets to comment on anything is just

Okay, like this didn't exist. I always think that this didn't exist 20 years ago We're like you can just do things and you'd be like, I don't know. I think people like it Now everybody gets to tell you every one of their thoughts, You know, catering to sensitive people is so nice. Okay? The most complaining set of people, who? But I agree, like, why isn't there every race of Down syndrome doll? So we wanted a black syndrome doll?

Bro, what? How a toy's supposed to have Down syndrome? Kkkkkkk You're right that doll doesn't actually have it. I would write that. I would write that. How is that your idea? This bullshit, this doll doesn't have Down syndrome. Prove it. Yeah. Yeah. No this piece of plastic doesn't really have Down syndrome? Prove it, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, this piece of plastic doesn't really have Down syndrome. Where was the white doll at? Agreed. Y'all need to do shades.

Agreed. So where's the white? All shades. The white, wipe. Looks like a regular Barbie to me. Yeah, like is it such a prevalent thing in the black community? And just goes, what the fuck, it looks like a normal black person.

Yeah. It does. They always into something. This is not okay, okay? I don't see the Down syndrome, but I'm happy they're being inclusive. Though she's not Downsy enough. That's the problem. I mean, here's the thing though. Imagine this is, they didn't design one doll and go, here it is.

So that means in the early iterations, it was probably a doll that they were like, yo, this is, and they're like, what you told us? You know, the designers were probably like well we did what we what we do They had to find just the right amount of downs Yeah, which is so gross like how many focus groups did they sit down with and do this kind of stuff? It's just so bizarre. I don't know Whoo, I just see a doll whose father was stationed abroad And did a couple tours and had a kid

I know I don't think she is downs enough and also like she's still why she couldn't be white Oh what what what and about plus-size Barbie I think that was like the first one they did dip shit. Is there a plus-size Barbie? Of course. Let's see it. That was the first one is a fat size Barbie. It's gonna be just slightly bigger. Yeah, of course. It's still hot. She's not even Bridgerton fat. She's just like... Plus-size Barbie. Please Penelope was much better. That is not accurate. That is not the Barbie they released. I think it says ABC News. No, no, Finder for real. Dances with Fat?

Yeah, see that's not real. That's not the real one. Cause I collect these, don't you know? Every time they come out, I buy it. You do buy these. I have an entire collection of diversity Barbies. Yeah. Because it's the right thing to do guys.

I'm inclusive, I love it. And it's important to remember that Mattel cares. They do. That's part of their- Corporations really care. Corporations are always about like, how can we be more diverse? Inclusion, diversity.

Is that really the Barbie? No, it's not. It's not. There's- Can you make it bigger? They wouldn't put chins on it. Barbie? No, it's not. It's not. Can you make it bigger? They wouldn't put chins on it. No. Oh, it is. I'm trying to tell you, man.

No fucking way. What does it say under the photo? What does the caption there say? Like the little caption. Can you make that bigger? Hell, I love this is horrible. Hilarious. It says artwork was created by Barbara,

so yeah, I don't think it is real. Oh, okay. Yeah, cause they wouldn't, it's too pig-like. Like they, if they were gonna do it, they'd be like, hey, what's up with the fucking triple chin? Yeah, that's too exaggerated. They just do like a wider shoulder base and be like, oh, it's fat, you know?

It's not. This Barbie's a size zero, like real Barbie, Barbie normal is like a zero. So she's like a size six and they're like, she's obese. That's still, it's, guys. This she's obese. Yeah, that's still it's guys Who asked for this that was my favorite comment there I can't believe that really wants that type of representation. Look, I... Like, I would never want to buy a photo or a doll that looked like me. I'd be like, no, like, I would like to aspire to something better.

Yeah, I know. Like, I know what I see in the mirror, and I don't want a doll of that. I want to see one where I go, oh, that'd be cool if I... Like Superman. You go, oh, Superman. It's like this unachievable physique. But you go like, yeah, that's the... It's a point. Yeah, you go, oh Superman, it's like this unachievable physique, but you go like, yeah, that's the... It's a point.

Yeah, you go, that's the... You aspire. You aspire to be like... Much like our guest coming in today, Miss Kendall, she's an aspirational figure. There's a reason her ass was on the Peloton, like not mine. I mean, that's why...

You wanna look like her. It's the fitness influx. All the instructors are in great shape. Of course. Yeah, of course. But we'll, we'll bring her in in a minute, but that is so fun. Yeah. So that was my favorite. Yeah.

That was really, really cool. I was really freaking radical. So what else, what'd you got for me? Oh my God. There's so many cool things in here. Hold on. Let me see. Well, I mean, you know, we spoke to Fancy Chef.

Yeah, I know. And I've never been more excited. I know. I'm saying we spoke to Fancy Chef. Oh, you're recapping for the audience. Exactly. As a broadcaster. I'm just, um... It's cookies in cream. Yeah. Bumble knows it's hard to start conversations. Hey. No, too basic.

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So it was interesting because my favorite, well, besides the honor and the joy of speaking to Fancy Chef, who I've become a huge fan of, I was sort of floored and quite surprised that when I said, what can we have, he goes, whatever the fuck you want. And I go, great, sea bass. He's like, yeah, I don't fuck with seafood. And I was like, okay, that's an interesting thing. He's like, you know, I don't want to get my hands on all that smell. I'm like, yeah, I'll fuck with seafood. And I was like, okay, that's an interesting thing.

He's like, you know, I don't wanna get my hands on all that smell. I'm like, what? So, but then our staff here, our crack staff, pointed out to me that he does sometimes, you know? I'm gonna add some fresh lemon to the shrimp. The shrimp right there. I'm gonna add some fresh lemon, that's nice.

That's a lot of lemon. That's delightful, that's mouthwatering, that's mouthwatering. Is that lemonade? That's tando-living, that's nice. That's a lot of lemon juice. That's the light one, that's mouthwatering, that's mouth-watering. Is that lemonade? That's tender, that's beauty, that's mouth-watering. That gives you burst of flavors. Beauty, I love his. That gives you burst of love,

that gives you connection with the chef. That's remarkable, that's nice, that's exciting. That's nice and pretty and beautiful in your mouth. He's right. That tastes wonderful, that tastes great. All those spices, those things are nice. That looks delicious. Wow, that'd be, that's easily a three or $4,000 dish from where I'm sitting. That looks delicious. Wow.

That's easily a three or four thousand dollar dish from where I'm sitting. Of course. Yeah. I've seen some of his prices. They're wild. Is that right? How much would this, you think this is a four thousand dollar dish? I don't know about this one, but he has, first of all, his price map is all over the place.

So sometimes he's like, you know, if I, if you want this, I'll do $300 per person for this. If you want to host this type of event and you're like, okay, like that's pricey, but like I've seen, you know, events that they go, there's a price per head and this is like top tier stuff. And then sometimes he'll be like, this is a dish, it's 15 grand. Like for a dish. That's crazy, I've never. I know, he has his own like.

What other like flecks of gold in it, you know? Maybe, sometimes, I don't know. Is it rare meat? Maybe it's like imported snake. I mean, you're kinda. From some country. It's like you're asking Gandalf, how do you make this trotin or something, you know? It's like, I don't know.

It's like, can it really give you the answer? It's a burger. A Gandalf. How do you make this potion or something? You know, it's like I don't know It's like I'm gonna really give you the answer Burger I love burgers. I love burgers Wow, that's huge. How's he gonna cook that through also? It's such Nice, listen. Can I tell you what an interesting choice it is? That's so big. To not flatten out the meat and to prepare your burger as a meatball. Something I would say I've never seen actually done before. Neither have I.

Most places, I've ordered a lot of burgers, what they do is they press it down, right? And they actually, even if it's large they they press it so that the burger cooks and kind of stays in a flatter circumference right like but this Huge softball of meat is really Fascinating how's he gonna cook it through? I'm very curious. He's gonna fry it? It's gonna take hours. Well, he's browning it. You know, you bring up a great point is that

I don't think the heat will ever penetrate the center of that, but maybe that's the appeal. The fancy in the fancy. When you go, chef, this isn't cooked, and he goes, just eat it. It's beautiful, it's nice. It's beautiful and nice. Yeah.

That's true. This is the type of stuff. Oh, he told Zolo, go to the fucking store. Is this home goods? Fancy and nice. That's what I want you to have when you wanna eat fancy, and the chef likes stuff like this fancy. A lot of this stuff is gonna go on sale for the holidays,

but I want you to look into it I want you to get it now when a chef cooks for you There's this type of place and dishes that he wants to have to put the fancy food on the fancy fabulous food By the fancy chef. Yes Do you want to know something embarrassing about us? Sure. I don't even think we have fancy things like that Well, we don't have fancy things like that, but I'll tell you this, we're fucking getting it if he's coming. Oh, of course.

He said how to do it, so. We actually do eat off of paper plates a lot, because I don't wanna do the dishes. I understand. And I don't have matching anything. Wow. This is the mac and cheese. Wow.

Never seen that color. The cilantro and the mac and cheese? On top Never seen that color. The cilantro in the mac and cheese? On top. Wow. So nice. Very interesting. Do you think that's like mozzarella? Cause I've never seen it white like that. It's very creamy.

So creamy. It could be ranch. It could be ranch. Cause he does like to incorporate ranch. Or strawberries in there, you never know. He loves strawberries. My favorite, which I tried to get him to talk about was dessert Or strawberries in there, you never know. He loves strawberries. My favorite, which I tried to get him to talk about, was dessert, because I was like, you,

and he was like, yeah, I'll do whatever you want, and then he was like, yeah, I won't do that also. But... I just got a question. If you want to eat green, if you want a master gourmet chef to cook for you, and you need something done, and you need a function to go,

all you gotta do is call me. That does look nice, the pear. Wow. That looks nice. Look how nice. Look how exquisite. Look how nice. Just look how summertime, though. The chef has made, the chef has prepared.

Look what the chef has created. Some masterpieces by the chef. The chef has created nothing but masterpieces by the chef. Nothing but masterpieces by the chef. Nothing but masterpieces by the chef. Nothing but masterpieces by the chef. Nothing but masterpieces by the chef. Nothing but masterpieces by the chef.

Nothing but masterpieces by the chef. Nothing but masterpieces by the chef. Nothing but masterpieces by the chef. Nothing but masterpieces by the chef. Nothing but masterpieces by the chef. Nothing but masterpieces by the chef. Nothing but masterpieces by the chef. The chef is really nothing but masterpieces. By the chef. Nothing but masterpieces. By the chef. Nothing but masterpieces. Wow. I'm so excited. Oh, I am too. When is he? He's coming when? How much time do I have to wait? Next week. I'm going to save up this appetite.

Yeah, I wouldn't until then. I'm going to come in good and hungry. He has three different sized bottles of Hennessy and three different sized bottles of Bacardi in that. That's the, on the table. I mean, you know, you have to know your guests. You don't know who likes what amount. It makes perfect sense to me. And I'm sure it accompanies the pear flavoring nicely.

He's thought this through. Oh yeah. This is deliberate. I can't wait to see the menu that he arrives with for us. I can't wait. Do you think he'll send it over in advance for approval or he's just gonna surprise us? I think we said ultimately do your thing.

Like just do your thing. New York strip is what he said multiple times. New York strip with like red potatoes. So I think what you should do if you don't mind is when you quadruple confirm that you could say hey, we're now gonna do a store run for you chef Mm-hmm, and then just go like I was gonna pick this up and pick that up Is there anything else you need so that we have everything that he wants, you know will do What would it be worth?

You know going shopping with him and taking the crew and seeing how he shops? Maybe we could get the food with him. That's good content. That's really interesting to see how he, how does he price- I just don't know if we could do it right. How does he price out a $15,000 plate?

Let's find out. Yeah. Good thought. Cause that's how we can find out the logic of like... I mean, I think he would... Yeah, that's a great idea is to be like, hey, so why does this cost this much since I just spent $37, why is it $15,000?

What is... Yeah, it's so... How much is he gonna charge us? Do we know? Do we know what you're paying for this? I do. I don't think I should say it until later. It is a tax write-off, it's for the show. Sure. You're paying for this just to have the experience? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, this is what life is supposed to be about experiences. You're telling, who are you telling me to? I love it. And I've, I is what life is supposed to be about experiences. You're telling, who are you telling me to? I love it. And I've, I can tell I've actually, I've befriended a number of chefs in the world. And I love chefs. They're, it's like hanging out with comedians or music. They're artists, you know, and to be able to say that I have had a fancy chef cook meal is really, I bet you none of my chef friends have done this and they're going to be like, wait, what the fuck? You a fancy chef cook meal is really I bet you none of my chef friends have done this and they're gonna be like

Wait, what the fuck you had fancy chef cook for you. I'll be like, yeah, and guess what he makes more than you do Yeah, well he knows his value which is very important in our in any business, I'm very excited know what you're worth in any business. I'm very excited for this. Know what you're worth. All right, we should take a quick break. I'm so stoked that Fancy Chef is coming. That's huge. And our guest.

So yeah, we'll be back in a few. It's time to make Pichi. And we are here. Joining me as always is my lovely co-host, Christine. And she'll be weighing in with some of her thoughts and questions throughout. Don't you worry about that. And joining us today is one of our favorite return guests.

You can see him every Thursday on the YMH Studios YouTube channel as part of his podcast. Not today, pal. It's Rob Eiler, everybody. Thanks for having me, buddy. No, thank you for coming in. How's the poker scene? Everything's great.

Everything's great. Yeah, things are good. Life is, you know, it's good. It's good. You look good. You look fresh. Thank you. You look rested.

You must've slept ton last night. Are you, are you excited about football being back? That's all I care about. Yeah, I just want every day to be Sunday. We could just gamble all day. Gambling all day. That's the only thing I have left to gamble.

Do you gamble on any other sports or is it just football? I mean I do but I don't really enjoy it. Like the NBA finals are fun but baseball's the worst. Like you gamble on baseball and it's absolute misery. I'm not doing that. It's horrible. Football's the only one also, cause I didn't grow up really with gambling as part of life,

but in the last few years, I started to get a better understanding of, well there's just like, there are a lot of complex layers. A bet to a kid is, I bet you the 49ers will win. That's the bet. But then you get into actual gambling, and it's over, unders, and it's like side bets.

And it's all like, do you get involved in like the multi-layered levels of betting? I'm not really good at that kind of stuff, but also that stuff feels kind of new. I remember, I don't know if I was like six, seven, eight, but I remember putting in parlay's when I was like six or seven or eight years old. Parlay's?

Well because my grandfather would be at the bar all day and there were these cards that you get, like these sheets, and then it was like you pick three teams and you get like six to one on your money or whatever. So that was what they did and it was a way that you could bet like five dollars or ten dollars to make a bet. And I remember my first bet, yeah like I had 20 bucks for my birthday or something and I told my grandpa like I want to use this money to do a parley like you do. and I did a parlay and I lost and I've been hooked ever since Wow so that was you

Gotta get that money back. Yeah, yeah, I've been chasing that 20 This whole time yeah, I forget are you also a blackjack fan forget No, I don't really cuz like you know I lived in Vegas for years I would just see everybody come and lose and it's just you're like why do you you know we're poker you you fucking you Could win money because you're playing against other people have been at blackjack tables though where our people are winning in First of all betting insane amounts of money thirty thousand a hand and I'm like Holy shit and winning yeah, well, I mean the edge is not insane. Like I don't know the exact numbers,

but it's only like 56%, so like 44 times out of 100, you're gonna win. It's just, it's all about that 6%. Yeah, and here's the thing, it took me, I mean, it took me a while to figure out, I guess, is that you just have, because it is gambling, right? You have to like accept things. But when you play blackjack,

you just get good shoes and bad shoes. There's a time where you'll go through the shoe and you're like, man, I'm winning five hands in a row. And you feel good. You're like, I guess this is just what it's like. And it's not. You just got a great shoe. And the way you should do it is just kind of enjoy that and leave.

That's the hard part. Yeah, of course. Because the other part is like there's shoes that come out and you're just like, this is fucking insane. I've lost nine of the last ten hands dealt and you go, this is all bullshit, but you just, that's just it. It goes well and then it doesn't. You have ups and downs. Yeah, like if you tell a casino, I want to come and play a hand of blackjack for a million dollars, they don ups and downs. Like if you tell a casino, I wanna come and play a hand of blackjack for a million dollars, they don't really care. But if you tell a casino, I got $50,000, I'm coming for the weekend to play blackjack all weekend,

they're like, yeah, come on. They're like, we'll give you a nice room, we'll give you that, because they know that 50 grand is, you know, it's a very high percent chance it's gonna be theirs, where the million dollars is like, 54, 55%, which they don't really care. I had the, also the experience of, I've never bet crazy, crazy money,

but I've also stayed at, like, you know, we play a lot of casinos in standup, right? And you play the really, really nice ones that are, there's a few across the country, and then we play some real fucking dirtbag ones, right? Like some real, and you know who you are, and we play. I've been in some real fucking dirtbag ones. Like some real, and you know who you are. And we play. I've been in some shit casinos.

And the thing is, they'll pay the performer real money. They'll give us a real fee to do the show. And you get there and you're like, this fucking dump is paying me? Where the fuck do they, because they don't put the money in the fucking facility. No. The room sucks. It's not the employees.

None of it, no. The employees are wild. They're all just like out of an insane asylum. Yeah. And it's all dog shit. And then you play blackjack, and let's say we have one of those just good hands, right? Good night, good little run.

I'm walking out, few grand up, maybe five, and I'm like feeling, I'm like, you know, that's to me, I don't bet crazy. I'm like out, few grand up, maybe five, and I'm like feeling, I'm like, you know, that's to me, I don't bet crazy. I'm like, wow. And as I'm walking out, one of the pit bosses is like, hey, where are you going? And I'm like, because we were playing for like an hour or something.

I'm like, we're just turning it in. They're like, oh, we have a, you want to come over here? And I'm like, what? What's going on? And I realized they're just, they're trying to get that back, and I'm you trying to get five grand back Yeah, but they are you could you could tell how? There's almost like a rule where it's like you could tell how good a casino is by high hot how high the ceilings are mm-hmm So like I've been in casinos where it's like six foot ceiling And you're just like oh and like this filled with smoke

It is but you go somewhere like the wind or aria, and you're just like, oh and like this filled with smoke. That's a good point. It is. But you go somewhere like The Wind or Aria and you're like, I can't even see the ceiling. No, I know it's a 200 foot ceiling. Yeah. It's crazy. And you're like, oh this is nice. You could always tell. Yeah.

And then you walk out with five grand there, they're like, have a good day. Yeah. Oh, they don't even. But at the little place, they're like, hey, hey, hey. If the dice hit the ceiling when you're rolling craps, get out of there. Get out of there. Yeah. That's not good. It's your boy Devin here y'all, and I'm so proud of myself.

I didn't itch my asshole when I was out in public today. I'm so proud. I didn't itch my butthole. Okay, bye! One of the better dressed cool guys. This guy is very cool. I didn't itch my asshole. Yeah. We've all had, listen, we've all had it.

Itchy assholes are, I mean that's one of the things that I'll say was really nice to evolve over the last, you know, humankind evolves and we get new technology. These portable wipes that they started to make, like single pack wipes. And you go and you check and you're like, oh, it's so much brown, that's why it's itching. It's really nice. Yeah. I don't even do the single, I just bring out the whole pack. I travel with two of them now, two entire.

I learned from Jeff Tate, the great Jeff Tate comedian. I was like, we're on the road, and I'm like, I'm gonna take it down. He's like, oh, hold on. And he reaches into his backpack and gives me the wipes to go to the... He must love you. Yeah, and I'm like, are you traveling?

He's like, well, don't you, you don't travel with stuff? And I'm like, no. I would never get, there's no one else I'd give my wife. If my brother was like, I'm gonna take a shit at Big Have Fun, I wouldn't give anyone else my wife. Those are just for you. Those are on lockdown. Yeah. Yeah, no way.

And at the house at your place, do you have a washlet? Well, that's, you know, I had one for a while, and then I kind of started getting in my head about shooting water in my ass. That's from like, like, you know, Vegas has really bad water. There's a lot of places that have really bad water, and I'm like, I don't know if this is good for me,

because I'm crazy with like health shit. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't know if this is good for me, because I'm crazy with like health shit. And I'm like, I don't know if shooting this water in my butt is good for me. You have a, like a theory about this? Yeah, like I just, I think like, you know how they say, like don't drink the water from this place and this place. I'm like, well should I be shooting it in my butt then? Spraying your asshole with it?

Yeah, I just don't know. You think it's seeping into your system? Definitely, yeah. They say like your asshole sucks up just like, I just don't know. You think it's seeping into your system? Definitely, yeah. They say like your asshole sucks up just like your mouth. Yours might. Yeah. They say like if you put like alcohol in your body, you get drunk, so you're absorbing that stuff.

You can get alcohol poisoning very easily like that. That's what I'm saying. So what's coming from that water? So I just use the baby wipes. Okay, wow. I have a lot of time to think. I don't have kids or. So you won you've what if you stay in a hotel that has It you won't use the sprayer. No wow yeah, yeah, because you're afraid of what it's doing

To your system yeah, that's a pretty paranoid thought yeah, I have a lot of those really. What's another one I? Don't solo knows by now. I mean, I just have to let the boys know. I mean, I don't know. Did you get the jab? Bluetooth? Huh? About Bluetooth. The Bluetooth one's wild.

Well, I always keep my Bluetooth off on my phone and like on everything because I think I'm just like, this can't be good for me. I don't even think that's that crazy. Like I always keep Bluetooth off because I'm like, I know it can't be good. Do you ever use Bluetooth? When I do, I'll put it on. Yeah, but I'm not just like 24 seven. Yeah, it's like in my pocket all the time.

I don't wanna have Bluetooth on all the time. And in my head, I'm like, there's no downside to turning it off. It's one of those things where I'm like, hey, if there's no downside, why not? What's the issue? Yeah, why not leave it off? Okay.

Yeah. Did you get the jab? No. No. No. No. Yeah. I had COVID like three times and they're like,

yeah, get this. I'm like, no. No way. Yeah. Why? I know I did. I got it. Yeah.

I know. People ask me, they're like, why did you get that? And then I have this very silly reason why. Do you know why? Travel? No. Two of my cousins are virologists. They're infectious disease doctors.

And I was like, hey, should I get this? And they're like, what are you fucking retarded? Of course. And then I did. So I blame them. Yeah, listen, I think it's a coin flip. I just look at it as like, yeah, you do it. I don't know.

I wasn't one of those people who were like, they're trying to kill me with it, but I also was like, this can't be. But now the thing that is fun is that the people who didn't get it, they'll be like, yeah, so and so, you hear what happened? Yeah. Fucking got in a car accident.

Oh yeah, must've been the jab. Well the funny thing is, so Jamie's, not funny, Jamie's son got really sick, and all these people were like, yeah, it's because of the vaccine, totally. Must've been the jab. Yeah, well the funny thing is, so Jamie's, not funny, Jamie's son got really sick, and all these people were like, yeah, it's because of the vaccine, this. And then she was like, no, he didn't get the vaccine. And then they're like, oh, sorry. I'm sorry about your kid, yeah. Yeah, it just becomes quickly like, oh, well,

but they go on the, you know they also attacked Jamie for using a brown emoji? Do you know this? What? Because she's half Cuban. Right. But she's also like, she's brown. She's like brown. She's naturally olive skin. Right. So her emoji she would use for stuff and on like Instagram was like a browner girl and like people came after her and they were like, you can't use brown emoji. Wow. I'm going to start, just

because you said that. You should. I'm going to start doing that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My mom's Peruvian. How dark you going she gets my mom gets very very dark, you know How dark emoji are you gonna go the blackest one? Yeah, of course. Yeah naturally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'll be like here I am Yeah, just see how people react What's how I feel today? What if I identify? It was darker. Yeah, 100%. Feels like it's in line with what people do. It's in the eye of the beholder. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. That's us.

So no Bluetooth. No. Anything else that's along those lines? I don't, I do a lot of stuff but I would have had to think, but again you know what, you know what the problem is? It's not weird to me so I don't know do a lot of stuff but I would have had to think but again you know what you know what the problem is it's not weird to me so I don't know like like they say the Bluetooth thing is weird I would never put that as like a weird thing. Is this weird? Guys I got this really cute matching red set doesn't it look so good on me? Red is like the best color ever. Yeah. You know what she is? She's a piss influencer. Oh, but is she one of these people who like tells you why it's good or she just does it?

She just does it. She goes by PP Girl or Danny. She makes vlogs, but she's always peeing in them. This is why you can't trust anybody. You can buy videos of her taking a golden shower. Yeah. You just can't, cause you'd meet her and be like, wow, she seems really, and then you see this. Yeah, she's really pretty. Ugh, my god.

She's cool. You can't, and that's another thing. I'm, that's probably the weird part about me too. I am just, I spend over 90% of my time in just pure isolation. Yeah. Yeah, just gambling. You guys might be a cool match me and her power power pisser Her page is just this right? It's just pissing

Yeah, I think so here. Let's pull it up. You just can't trust her look at the smile while she's peeing I can I can't 20,000 followers. Yeah, I mean there's people that like piss. I thought there'd be more to be honest three Stanley cup Yeah, I mean there's people that like piss. I thought there'd be more to be honest. Three Stanley cups is equivalent to drinking a gallon of dye. Isn't it so pretty? And also, you know, I have to give her credit on something here. That's a real deal Jersey gal right there. And look at people are like, I love you, currently handling the morning wood with this one. I mean what a great comment That's a real deal Jersey gal right there. I want to give you credit

for the skill it takes to capture what's going on without Capturing the nether regions that you're not allowed to post I mean that takes practice, you know because you're not allowed to post. I mean, that takes practice, you know? Because you're not seeing her box. You're just seeing the beautiful nectar that is shot out of it. And she's behind a truck, you could see, which is cool.

How do you feel about pee? How do I feel about pee? I mean, I'm not a fan. I don't care about it either way. In what way? I mean, are you aroused by it? No. Have you ever had someone pee on you? No. Piss? No, no you ever pee on a girl. No, okay

I'm not it's not my yeah, I don't know. I mean obviously there's 20,000 people that are like this is fucking awesome Yeah, no, I'm not one of those guys. Are you what do you think about? How do you feel about pee? I'm kind of indifferent I'm not yeah, I don't I don't go. Oh my god. He's the grossest thing, but I'm kind of indifferent. I'm not yeah, I don't I don't go oh my god. He's the grossest thing, but I'm not Yeah, maybe if I lived in like Russia, and it was like and I was really cold Yeah, I could find something like kind of comforting about it sure, but we live in fucking Austin piss is disgusting Yeah, this smell is pretty bad. Yeah 110 degrees here imagine somebody trying to turn you on with piss Yeah, like when you walk into a gas station bathroom and it's like oh yeah it's pretty intense okay my happiest find in the last few months

probably this year actually Wow is who I'm gonna show you right now his he goes by Fancy Chef. Five seven zero six zero four three six eight seven zero two seven four two one seven eight four five one six seven one three nine four nine three. But me, he's got multiple numbers, mansions, castles, yachts, penthouses. Only, only, only. So he's out for hire. He, you know, he just does, like he said, high end only. And he has one, two, three, four, five stars that he's given himself on his jacket there,

on the collar and on the breast pocket. Does it say international chef? That's always cool. It does, yes. International chef. On the other side it says things like master chef, pastry chef. He's kinda given himself some valor on the neck. You see the five stars on the neck?

Five stars on the neck. Wow. And five stars on the neck? Five stars on the neck. Wow. And like... Beautiful and nice by the show. I'm gonna call this a night here. Beautiful, beautiful and nice. Look at the hat. Beautiful and nice. Look how nice, look how tantalizing. I want you to book me, I want you to book me now. You've never seen this before, never been done. I got lamb chop, I got strawberry, I got honey,

I got honey ranch, I got beautiful stuff in there, nice. Got gold, how nice. I cooked that lamb to perfection. When I... Lamb, strawberries, and honey in a wine glass. Yeah. He's like, you've never seen some shit like this before. In the 90s, this guy would be a hip hop artist in New York.

And with those glasses in the previous one, I thought he was gonna be like, I thought he was gonna be spittin' some shit. Yeah. Yeah. No, he's just showing you what he does here I think it's the back of the hat that he has in the front, right? I believe you're correct. Yes Beautiful delicios. That's so delicio So I want you to dial my number don't you dial it now five seven zero six zero four three eight six eight Look how nice the catanalyzer 604-3868-Lacont 9, Sacontanilizer, down my number now, beautiful and nice by the shot. Ah!

Oh wow, there's someone else there. There's other people there. I saw a person's hand, I thought he was alone for sure. Yeah, but I mean, I mean you do well, would you hire him? I mean, he wouldn't work in my apartment, I live in a fucking one bedroom. Oh, yeah. He does only mansions and castles.

Gross. Yeah, we gotta have him at your place. I can look at these burgers, and I can also structure them. The firmer they are, the firmer they are, the more they're done. I can look at them also, I can tell the structure on them, they're done. Alright? I can tell the structure on them. They're done. All right, I Could tell without even using my thermometer big burgers Thousand dollars a piece a caveat on raising to a million dollars those burgers

Wow To be honest with you. I don't you know, he is incredible cuz I don't even think I could get food to look like that Oh, no, you couldn't- you know he is incredible because I don't even think I could get food to look like that. Oh no, you couldn't. How do you do that? Cool guy club. It's um, it takes skill. I mean also that pan has not been cleaned. Maybe ever. So is this guy on Instagram? Where is he? Oh yeah.

Wow. Does he have more followers than the Piss Girl? What's my favorite meal? He's gonna. You know what I tell him? Peanut butter and jelly. And guess what? I put bananas on it too. Yeah. Those are too big, Chef.

I put bananas on my peanut butter and jelly. You gotta slice them thinner for the show. Sure, dude. Peanut butter and jelly. That's way too big. With bananas. You know when a cartoon character, their glasses cover their hat,

and you're like, nobody would ever do that. I like it, I love it. You know what I mean? Beautiful. Beautiful and nice. Book me now. I like it, I love it. You know what I mean? Beautiful. Beautiful and nice. Book me now. I want you to book the show. You got a event, holidays, book me now.

You want my peanut butter and jelly? I'll make it for you. Thanks. I really like this guy. It's amazing. Yeah, you know what too? I think he, I'd like to go see who he follows on Instagram Well, cuz I feel like he follows like top-tier chefs not know I think he finally follows any chefs

I think he follows people who like You know those kind of people who tell like if you if you say someone's name and like tell them what to do like You'll get them do because he just he's like you're gonna book me. Oh You know, like that kind of vibe. He's following cooking style, personal chef Cal, cakes by Tamara, Amy's little cakes. Wow, he must not watch them. SpongeBob, he follows SpongeBob SquarePants. Chef Richard Ingram, lot of kitchen stuff, Pizzerias.

Another chef there. Yeah, he's like, we are one. We're one unit. I bet all the chefs he follows are just hot chicks that he likes to watch. Because there's no way he's following a single direction. No, he's not. He's been, he said he's been in the kitchen for 40 years. Right.

Yeah. So he doesn't need... His comments are awesome. He's got more followers than the piss girl. He does. Yeah. Yeah, people write... Oh!

Oh! That shit got garnishing that ain't even cooked. You've outdone yourself, Chef. I've seen this, I've seen that, the beauty of this. Chef, you left the stickers on the pepper. I've created the masterpiece, I need a little fish. He puts cilantro on fish. That's crazy.

And it's not even cooked. That's crazy. It's fucking crazy. What's that one? That's a store-bought cake. He does that a lot. He puts fruit on store-bought cake. Oh wow. He's like, check this out, I just made this.

Wow, thank you chef. Just take the strawberries right out of the container, no need to wash them. Don't worry about the explosive diarrhea. Chef, you did it again explosive diarrhea chef you did it again Chef you did it again Bro bought the shit out of the market Yeah, he loves strawberries he puts them on everything Yeah, I really like

He's got the the playfulness of a child. You know yeah, yeah Like kids do this like they put they can't of a child, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Like kids do this. They can't stop, you know? Yeah. And they go, I just want to do it again. That's what kids do. They go, I want to do it again. Right. You put all the strawberries on there.

Oh, wow. A rose. Beautiful. Beautiful and nice. Beautiful and nice. Beautiful and nice. That's actually not terrible. Compared to what I would do if someone told me to decorate a cake. He's just taking the flowers that somebody probably put in that vase. I love how he feels zero pressure to narrate what he's doing or...

He's like you're just watching a master do his thing. Right. Yeah. This is like watching those Japanese guys make the sushi and they don't say a word. Zero pressure to narrate what he's doing or he's like you're just watching a master do his thing right yeah This is like watching those Japanese guys make the sushi, and they don't say a word Brilliant beautiful and nice That's you gotta have him on here. We've tried no we've called all the numbers tell No. We've called all the numbers. Tell em. Wow. All the different flowers too. You would think you would go for some type of cohesion. You tell, if you just tell him you'll hire him and then you'll pay him to be on here, I mean there's no way this guy wouldn't come on.

I don't know. Have him cook for everybody. You know how like uh. I would be very excited. Yeah. Nice. Know haven't cooked for everybody you know Yeah, oh No, like doesn't not bird has that guy come in like smoke stuff. Yeah, they were version of that this guy could follow you on the road You have him on the bus with you Someone's encouraging him. No they're not. You done?

You done. What about you? Are you done? Wow. Jesus. Go to one of his, well, one of his, one where he's telling you what to do. Let's see here. Yep, there's a lot of... he likes putting fruit in cups. Beautiful and nice. I'm gonna add this ranch over this ranch. I got this Cardi B whips. Just watch, watch, watch.

Ranch? I got this Cardi B whips. How nice and beautiful. How nice and beautiful and tender. The comments have glitched out. How beautiful and nice. How beautiful. Ooh, how nice and beautiful. And the phone's always ringing. Now I know why. How beautiful, child. It's always ringing.

It's always ringing, dude. That's you trying to get him. Yeah, that's me. Being like, Chef, answer, please. I love this guy. Yeah, it's. fan a lot of stuff in wine glasses a lot and then here He is like telling you what's up like sometimes. He's just what's extravagant. Okay, let me help people out 40 years plus I got in the kitchen 40 no one gave me this jacket. I earned everything I

Earned it all and more. I've been in the kitchen since four years old. You see that? See that number? Four years old. I've been in the kitchen 40 years plus. Hours, decades, months, 16 hours, 14 hours. Does that make a difference?

Eight hours, 12 hours in the kitchen. I worked every station you can hours. In the day. 12 hours in the kitchen. I worked every station you can imagine. Yeah. Okay. So when you a chef and you in the kitchen, you got to know what you're doing. And I know what I'm doing with 40 years. 40, 40, 40 years.

All right? 40 years. Got it. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. You hear it? It's ringing. Yeah. 40 years and I'm proud of it Yeah And I'm proud of it answer your phone. I was trying to book you

And a lot of you chefs, you know, I'm talking about y'all don't make something I 40 years of strawberries And you know it. Okay, we're good. So don't talk to me about being a chef. I've been in it my entire life. Okay, we're good. You know what I think is going on here?

I think he has a voice in his head or like a little guy in his shoulder who's like, you're not a real chef. And then he has to go on the rant of like, I am a real chef. Cause like, people seem to be really nice in his comments and like encouraging him, but he's like challenge, like he's coming out on every post being like,

I am a real chef. You can make a jacket if you want to. You can just order that jacket for sure. Yeah. We should order a similar jacket. Yeah. But you should put six stars on yours. Six stars.

And list every type of chef you can be. Yeah. All types of chefs. You should say 22 hours. 22 hours a day in the kitchen. I've been in here 41 years. Ranch. Yeah.

He's putting ranch on. Look how sexy, look how beautiful, look how nice. The chef presents to you his pink, red rose, pedal dessert, fresh fruit with a splash of champagne look at beauty look at greatness Look at love Yeah, five seven oh six zero three eight six eight get at me I'm for hire don't be shy bad I Think you guys sweet talk this guy a little more and get him here. I don't think you're doing I know we got to try more. Yeah, I have to try more. He's got a He can cater doing. I know, we gotta try more. Yeah. We have to try more. He's got a, he can cater the show. I know.

But he also, do you have the unbooked one? Is that here? I have Netflix execs call this guy. If he does full catering. It's unbelievable because like, he's always putting out these messages like book me book me book me book me you know? Yeah. And then we actually have a video where someone calls him to book him. Oh. But like doesn't

go so well. Mmm. So. Yeah. I don't know if it would actually be possible to get him here. You think he's like a little paranoid or something? Yes. You think he's had a lot of, yeah. I think his Bluetooth is off too, if you know what I mean. Yeah, I think his might be on. That's the problem.

That's the problem. 24-7? This is unhappy, yeah. 22 hours with the Bluetooth, you know? Because I see he has the headphones in all the time Mm-hmm, that's a see Okay, I'll start that yeah Okay, where you located?

Okay, I'm all booked up Okay, I'm all booked up. Alright? Okay, but you can't make it out tonight? I can't. There are about 12 people this evening. Okay where are you located? I'm located in Atlanta, Georgia. Okay I'm all booked up.

I mean that's what you want though. He really believes that's the front of the hat. He does. Yeah, that's gotta be the back. I'm no chef, sorry chef if I'm wrong, but that's gotta be the back of the hat. Yeah. People want me, is what he posted.

That's his caption. With the glasses and the stars, he does have some sort of like military flair. He does have, there's a confidence that comes from him for you could tell. That's what I'm saying, like he reminds me of like a confidence that comes from oh from him for you could tell that's why I'm saying like he reminds Me of like a hip-hop artist in the 90s like when when he talks you're listening, you know That's amazing where you looking I'm all booked up Constantly asking people to call him only to say I'm all booked up is diabolical

So we got the email. I have some fortunate news for you and the YMH family. My wife and I were on a trip to Ireland for the FSU versus Georgia Tech football game. Oh no. But fortunately we had to stop at O'Connor's Pub in Killarney to see our buddy Sham. Unfortunately, we were told by the pub bartenders

he has passed away. My deepest consolences to you and your YMH family. It was a heavy disappointment to travel out of our way and have my wife bitch at me the whole ride to find out he has passed away as well. Anyway, see you in May. Keep your jeans high and tight. And your hot sauce.

Jake and Emily from Atlanta GA. So, you know. What do you think makes it a great talent? Yeah, lots of tourists around. It's great isn't it? Loved him. He was awesome. All time favorite. And what's your favorite thing about Killarney? We should put subtitles on this with the subtitles, think he's saying. Unbelievable. Poor guy. Can you believe that

guy's not alive anymore? Jesus Christ. Didn't see that one coming. What's the point of goodness I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I bet you've seen this in 71, Glenn? 71. Wow. I think. That's when this was filmed, so he'd be probably 80 or something.

It was time to let him in the heaven. They're like, should he get in there? Like, we don't know. We don't know. We don't know anything he's said in the last 30 years. I'm God and I don't know. Yeah. Can someone tell me what this guy's been saying?

It's incredible. So, well, long live the sham, the Kalarni guy, and rest in peace, sir. We were big, big fans. You've been living in Austin now for how long? I think two years. Two years. Have you made some good friends? I'm not a make friends guy. Exactly. Yeah, yeah.

Which is why we are going to pay for it. We want to send you here. I hosted a dinner for 8 great men last night here in Austin, Texas. These were entrepreneurs, coaches, creators, and high level performers. My intention of bringing together this group was to create a space where men could connect on a deep level. I requested that no one bring alcohol to ensure that conversations were genuine and sincere. The prompt on the night was, what's the hardest lesson you've had to learn and what's the story behind it. We all took turns sharing

our stories with the group followed by time for follow up or reflection questions. We even got to celebrate a 29th birthday. All in all, the night couldn't have gone better. You truly are the average of the people you spend the most time with, and these men inspire me to be and do better. How'd you like to go to that? Unfortunately, I'm allergic to dogs. I saw dogs and I would have loved it,

but yeah, I'm allergic. Well guess what? They're having another one, and we can request that the dog not be there. No, dogs are part of the, you know, you're an average of the people you spend the most time with. That's right, that's true. Dogs have to be part of the retreat. know, you're an average of the people you spend the most time with. Dogs have to be part of the retreat.

You are allergic to dogs? Yeah, yeah. Half, half. I'm allergic to short-haired dogs only. Long-haired dogs, no. Hypogenic. Those dogs, I think I would have been allergic to. Seriously? Yeah, yeah. Oh, damn, that's too bad. Yeah, no, I couldn't, oh my god, this is just, this is... I gotta say, the food got me a little.

That's nice, steaks. And no alcohol. I'm a big no alcohol guy yeah yeah yeah I mean you know yeah but I can't I can't I don't like to hang with anybody these guys make me blow my brains out yeah I couldn't not for one second they'd be like what's the hardest I'd be like shut the fuck up I couldn't go to one of these either no no way like what's longest, what's the hardest lesson you learned and and how'd you overcome it? I'm like, well when I came here and I'm gonna walk out now. Yeah, yeah, this is fucking terrible. Opening up to strangers like that.

And then like and then you know when they're leaving they're like I just made best friends for life and I'm like, I don't know I don't like it. It's all exchange information, I got really good at this too. By the way It's I've been having so much fun with this is when people are like, hey, can I get your number? I just give them a random phone. You should give them chef's number. I do it all If I want to follow too, that's a good idea. Yeah memorize chef's number. Yeah, I just make up numbers Yeah, that's good. And then they're like, all right sent you a text. I'm like, all right, I left it in the car. I'll go check in a minute. Yeah. Yeah, and emails too. I make up emails. I Just completely make up emails and I give them to people, you know, uh, you know Joe Gatto the guy from In practical jokers who he came on our show really such a nice guy. Yeah, we went to dinner

He's such a nice guy and he goes on Yeah for like I don't know how long he said, whatever, 10, 15 years, he's, anytime he saw somebody like, sign up for this, sign up for this, he would sign up using Sal, the other guys, his home address, his phone number, like everything. And it would like, Sal would get new numbers,

like try and change things, and it would just be like, his mailbox anywhere, it would be full in a day. And he never knew what was going on. And he never knew what was going on for years and years and years. That's hilarious. I did that to Sickler a few times.

I signed him up for a mailing list for comedians I knew he didn't like. Oh, yeah. Like we would make fun of people, and then he'd be like, yeah, I get this fucking mailing list for this ass. I'm like, how's that happening? Yeah, yeah.

That was fun. That was a lot of fun. That's great. That's very funny of those guys too to do that. So how do you think these guys, oh, cause they're on social media, so they find like we're hosting a guy's, cause I'm like as a guy who's not on social media,

I wouldn't even know how to find like a guy's dinner in Austin. I have no idea. You just Google like man dinner. Yeah, I mean, we also, this one was, where is this here? This was a different, this was for women. Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Right now, I feel! What do you feel? I feel great!

I feel amazing! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Wow. Yeah. This is outside of a bird.

Chrysler show where he's like pushing, where he's like push me and he pushes them all the way and screams and cries. That one is fucking fantastic. Yeah, but there's these camps that people sign up for that release your anger or, I mean also the qualifications to host this, I believe are none, right? You just go like, oh I'm the person. Like you could host one, you could be like.

It's actually less than none, because if they were qualified to be hosting other stuff, they would be, you know what I mean? And they're doing this, they're like, no you come and I organize yells. Yeah, I organize shouts. No, this is, yeah, I don't even know. Did you sign up and give your deposit yet?

Okay, cool. Yeah, but listen, it is one thing to do this if someone's like, I'm sorry, I gotta get it out. But then there's a camera in their face and they're doing it, which makes it real crazy. I don't, I. Because you don't want this footage out there. Did you imagine if you were on a walk in the woods

and heard this? Yeah, terrifying. That would scare the shit out of me. You just heard 50 women screaming out of nowhere so horrible mmm Absolutely horrible. Let's see here This is also. Oh you have it. Oh fuck. Yes, dude. Is this the one? This was the trailer for the one in Austin that we were looking at. Let's see. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. the Okay. Yeah, that's not the actual one I was looking for, but it's, you know, this is the, the one I was looking for is this guy has him push him like down a like a gravel road and he just

keeps screaming he's like As he like pushes him down and then he breaks down crying kind of it It actually seems really nice if you just took every dude out of there Like yeah, they would like to show on the fire and the ice bath and nice I wouldn't you're, this seems really nice but then you have all these guys are crying. Look at this, the pause. This is a guy, I think half of the pauses on this video

would have been a guy crying or screaming. Why do you, I don't know what, what's the appeal? I guess this is a lot of like what these guys need, right? A lot of them. Just like hug me with my shirt off? Hug me, you know, I don't get my emotions out, you know, repressed. But then how do they know they need this? Like that's the thing. It's like, if you're in touch with that enough to know you need this, I don't know.

I think people just want to hang. I think you have to feel kind of stuck to sign up for something. Imagine these are just all guys with bad breath. Ugh. You know? Because it's like they can't... It's like, why do you need to hang with people so... Why do you need to find people to hang with so bad. They just all have bad breath. I know Well, here's the thing. I don't think any of them are fun

That's the thing is like nobody hears a good time. No, no, it's a bummer camp. So you want to be bummed out Come fucking share your bummer shit here. No, and I'm not a good time either, but I'm not gonna make I'm not gonna make you Hold me while I scream. But I'm not, you know what I mean? You wouldn't want a no? No. It's just the worst. It's horrible. Yeah. Now I'd want to die. And then like, and then like edit, like imagine sitting in a room having to edit this video, like putting guys crying to mute like just the whole thing the worst part is like you mentioned earlier if you did do this

Let's say you're like yeah, I went to this thing. You know I don't really want I don't really want it out there like whatever And then you have like the the real making the rounds you're like damn it No, everybody knows I'm a fucking pussy, but you know they see this trailer And they're like that's when you release the inner the inner child And oh my god These are also the guys that are like hold my cock and then you know just not in a gay way But just we can admire each other. Okay, where's this going? Yeah? Alright guys, we're going to fat test Harry Potter's forbidden journey now here at Hogwarts. Unfortunately that's another no here in the wizard world of Harry Potter

You know what this guy does right this is all he does But it's under the guise of I'm doing this for other people like awareness I'm fat testing things so other fatties can see whether or not they can go but that's really first of all, that's not really what you're doing because nobody can watch this and go, I know your exact dimension, so I know whether it applies to me. It's just like, you could basically go,

I guess you could look at him and go, well, I'm way fatter than him, so now I know I can't go. But it doesn't really provide that service. And it makes it seem like he's staying fat for you to test rides as opposed to you know, you could just Do this once go goddamn it. I'm too fat to ride rides now. I'm gonna do something about that, you know Yeah, they should have somebody at these parks with like a confetti gun for when like somebody like this does fit you know and they just They just set off the confetti. It's a yeah

Guess what we got one on yeah, you're not too fat today. Yeah, it's yeah absurd just fucking Fucking plus-size park hoppers you have you ever been seated at a restaurant and found that you couldn't fit comfortably in the seat or booth? Hey everyone, we're plus size park hoppers and we range in sizes from 2X to 5X. Like this video and follow us for more plus size Disney content. We're starting a new dining series called If I Fit Size 6. In this series, we'll go to different restaurants on Disney property and beyond, showing you the types of seating they offer, whether or not we find it comfortable,

and we'll also review the food. Yes sir, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna sit here and make fun of fat people? Is that what you want me to do? I'll do it. Sure. I'm just, it's disgusting. What are you gonna, stop it, you know?

This is what, this is, I mean, people shit on RFK, but this is what RFK is coming to fucking switch, baby. What's he gonna do? No more fatties. Just eliminate them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Genocide? No more, Trump has taken out the immigrants

and he's taken out, RFK's taken out the fatties. Does he talk about the fatties? Oh my God, his number one thing is like, We're fat. Like the poison in our food and this, and he, you know, he talks about... And again, I'm sure people will fact check this and be like, you're wrong, you're not saying it right. But he says basically like, a pediatrician, a kid's doctor,

used to see one case of diabetes in his whole career, and now he sees like three a day. And he talks about all this stuff, and he's like, it's just, it's all the food. Like he's like, this isn't happening in Europe. We can't figure out what we're doing wrong. Well he's not gonna do shit because he's not gonna win anything. But he's joining with Trump now.

Well yeah, I saw his- Make America healthy. That's his stance for real. Trump who's like, I'm 215 and you're like, mm. Yeah, he's eating McDonald's on the plane, calling RFK to come help him out. Yeah, like bro, come on, guys know guys wait. You're like, you're not fucking. Yeah, he's eating McDonald's on the plane calling RFK to come help him out With the food come on we guys know guys wait. You're like you're not fucking 215. Yeah RFK was like I want you he's like

But then he goes if you but if you see my name on a ballot I want you to vote for me and like huh What are you doing? Because I guess he's he's cut He's taking himself off the ballot in like 10 states that are swing states Yeah And then staying on in the all blue or all red states What are we doing here? It sounds like a very self-serving It's kids games Yeah

Yeah Fucking asshole It's kids games Prick You and Annie don't vote, right? We don't want to get called for fucking jury duty Yeah, no, fuck that shit Fuck voting No voting

Yeah, they'll call me for jury duty. I did that once, it was the worst time ever. I was addicted to Percocets. I'm like, how do I smuggle Percocets into jury duty? What'd you do? I just took a shot, just put it in my pocket. What are you gonna do? Yeah. And I just sat there in the back with my head down all day.

They're like, does anybody have a problem with it? I'm like, I have a problem with everything, anything they bring up. You just raise your hand? Yeah, do you have a history? Yeah, my grandfather. Just anything they, so that they wouldn't put me on the thing. And you got out of it?

Yeah, after a while. I think I had to come back like the second day, and I was just like head down. Oh man, I went one time to the pool, right? Like the pool of potential jerks. Right, right, that's where I was, yeah. And then this was in LA, and I was like, Motherfucker. And I was right behind Adam McKay.

That's what I remember. Adam McKay was literally, we entered together. Like he was in front of me. And we're sitting there, and then I get through all the questions, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, no, I'm racist. And then they're like, that's not gonna work. And I was like, oh. And then...

And they're like, everyone here is. Yeah, they're like, don't. And they led with it. They're like, don't try to be racist. We don't care. And we were like, what? And then they were, they're like, all right, you don't have it today.

And I was like, what does that mean? They're like, we gotta call tomorrow. And tomorrow, if we need you, you gotta come in. So like every morning you'd have to call at a certain time. Anyways, I didn't have to serve. And then Sickler ended up actually getting on the jury for like a major violent drug case. Like cartels shit, gang shit.

Gang shit. Yeah, like murder drug trafficking case. Wow. Yeah, so he had like a real serious case, but yeah, I got lucky. I didn't have to do it. The first time I ever got it, I called my manager. I was like, you gotta get me a job.

I was like, I can't do this, because I was like really addicted to like, I couldn't even go like fucking 24 hours. And I was like, I can't be in this room. And then the second time I got it, I was like, I can't work again. I just need you to get me in. I did get a summons later and I just put it in the trash.

We probably all have warrants out for our arrest. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Well. Yeah, because when you live in those LA apartment complexes that they have the mailboxes, you look in the trash, there's a lot of summons in there. Yeah.

Like everybody's just like. Yeah. Everyone's like, this is a big city throw in the trash yeah it's either fucking red light cameras or jury duty or yeah yeah that's crazy check this out look at a dove here I'm gonna get a cigarette. I'm gonna get a cigarette. Go get it. You gotta give me the car. You gotta give me the car. I'm gonna get it.

I'm gonna get it without the car. I'm gonna get it without the car. I'm gonna pay for it. I'm gonna pay for it. Yes! Your boy's trash. Trash. You think that's just alcohol? No. Yes! Your boy's trash. Trash.

You think that's just alcohol? No. I don't know, he's super nice. I think that's something else. He's savvy enough though, they're like, give me your card to buy the stuff you want. He's like, go get it. Yeah.

He knows not to hang it over. Cause with alcohol, when he hits a wall, you think he would stop for a minute, but he like bounces off and keeps going. Yeah, trying to keep his balance. Might be a little something extra. You think so? Yeah, that's in New York, yeah and keeps going. Yeah, trying to keep his balance. Might be a little something extra. You think so? Yeah, that's in New York, yeah?

Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was your favorite thing? Was it perks? Was that your favorite? I mean, there was a lot of favorites, but yeah, perks was probably, perks was probably,

I mean, I loved Molly. I just loved. Really? I loved Molly so much. It was just so, so good. But yeah, perks were just the best because there was such like an isolation. Like I would take perks, smoke weed,

and then take Xanax or, and again, no one do this, whatever it comes to keep me safe. I would take perks, Xanax, and switch it like every, I had an alarm on my phone that would go off and it was like, oh, now you can take, because I didn't want to take it within like the same hour. And then I also had a phone number in my phone for, that said cigarette.

And when I would smoke a cigarette, I would call that number so that I wouldn't chain smoke cigarettes. I'd be like, you have to wait at least this many minutes before you could smoke another cigarette. So you're still on top of your health, even when you were doing this stuff. Yeah, yeah.

That's cool. The other one, I would just chain smoke cigarettes all day. And I was like, no, we have to put some sort of. You'd call a number? Well, so like I had like a fake number in my phone, cigarettes, and then when I would light chain smoke cigarettes all day, and I was like, no, we have to put some sort of... You'd call a number? So, like, I had, like, a fake number in my phone, cigarettes, and then when I would light a cigarette, I'd call that number, so then when I'd go to light a cigarette again, I would look and be like, oh, it's only been six minutes since I had a cigarette.

Like, you need to wait at least 20 minutes. And then Perk and Zanny, I would wait an hour in between each thing. How long were you in your worst phase of addiction? It depends, because there was there was like the different phases. So some people would probably say like my like cocaine partying, like that thing was so bad because I would stay up for days in this. But then like the Xanax Percocet thing was really bad because I was so isolated. I would just be, I would stay two weeks straight in my apartment.

And then my friends would call me like, yo, where have you been? I was like, I saw you guys like three days ago. And they're like, it's been two weeks. Wow. And I'm like, oh yeah, okay, I'll come. And then I would just go out and party. And I'd wake up feeling like shit and I'd start taking Percocets and Xanax and then that would last another however.

But again, from 14 to whatever it was, 24, 25, it was just drinking, going out, that was the thing. That's a lot Yeah, and then after like 25 I was more leaning into like I was always doing the perks and whatever But I really started leaning into just like staying home sitting on the couch Taking pills and just like staring at the wall or like playing poker online or doing whatever Wow cool. Yeah, that's cool Yeah, yeah, and did you get yourself cleaned up? So I saw like a specialist in New York to get off of the Xanax

because you could die from Xanax withdrawals. So I didn't want to die and I had in my head of like, oh, I could die if I stop taking this or whatever. But everything else I pretty much did on my own, yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's impressive, man. But it was just like, my doctor was basically like,

you're not gonna make it healthy much longer if you don't. He's like, it's insane that you're okay. And he's like, you're not gonna make it healthy much longer if you don't, he's like, it's insane that you're okay. And he's like, you're not gonna make it much longer if you don't stop soon. And that's when I was 20, I was 28. And I was like, all right. Jesus, man. Yeah, I should probably stop.

But now you're cleaning sober, how long? 11 years. Wow. Yeah, of a lot. But again, it's weird, because I stopped drinking 11 years ago and stopped doing party drugs, but then it took me a while to get off of the Xanax and a little while to get off of Percocet.

So it's 11 years for most stuff, and then whatever it is, nine for Xanax, and I don't know. I don't really, in my head, I'm just like, I don't need to count, I'm sober. You know, I'm fucking done. Yeah, Xanax, man. People don't know how addictive.

And even with the, I know people, they're like, I've never tried one. I'm like, it's just like turns shit off, I feel like. You know, like this worrying. You're just like, oh. Yeah, we were, so back when I had Zanex in my pocket all the time, we were online for a roller coaster at Six Flags.

And we had just gotten there. We were all amped and my one friend was like, he's like, man, I haven't done roller coasters in a while, I'm starting to feel a little like, whatever, and he's like, let me get a Xan. And I may or may not have given him a Xan, but he was like, he took the Xan. By the time we got to the front of the line,

he was like, we're sitting in the front. That's what Xanax do, they just shut off. But again, no one should do Xanax to describe, so I would rather wake up tomorrow addicted to everything I was ever addicted to 10 times than Xanax one time. Really? Yeah. Because that's the hardest one to break. Yeah, because it's so mental, like, you know, when you're coming off of Percocets, you're sick and you're like, oh, I've been sick.

But like sometimes you just get sick and you're like, I know I can get through this, where the Xanax, it's mental and it's so fucking bad. And you feel like, I've described this before, but like when, so imagine like your biggest fear was like heights. Imagine you were, they opened up like the door of like a plane to jump out and they're like, are you ready? Like you feel like that.

That's what you feel like. All the time. And then you take a little piece of Xanax, it just goes away. It goes away. It's insane. And so you do wean off of it. Is that the way to do it? Yeah, you have to slowly reduce Yeah And it just gets it really got scary for me when for some reason like I couldn't kick the one like before bed because I was

Like I'm gonna die in my sleep That was my fear, you know, even though like at that time that was the last one you cut that was the last one Yeah, because you know, they they they run you through a thing of like, because they're like, when do you take Xanax? And you're like, well, sometimes I just take it whenever I feel. And they're like, no, you need to get on a schedule of this and regulate and all this shit. And yeah, it's not.

Xanax is by far the worst. I would rather be addicted to everything else. I had heard, I forget who said it, somebody in medicine was saying that it has the same addictive properties as people who are addicted to cocaine. That's the same kind of level of addiction that exists with Xanax. Really? Yeah.

Very, very addictive. See, I think it's weird because with the Percocets and the cocaine and stuff, there's this high with it where the Xanax, I wasn't even taking it for a high. Like I was taking it to not feel like I was fucking standing at the edge of a building all the time. Yeah, so it was like, I'm not even enjoying, like this isn't fun, you know? And you're just like, I need,

I got fucking, Xanax is the worst, man. And like kicking it, I remember just like, it was the greatest day ever where you're like, oh my God. And then like a while after I was like, oh, I'll only let myself take it, I remember just like, it was the greatest day ever. Where you're like, oh my god. And then a while after, I was like, oh, I'll only let myself take it when I fly, because I hated flying so much. And then I took it to fly,

and it made me feel like shit for days after. So I was like, all right, I'm just done. I've never taken one again. I don't know, seven, eight, nine years, whatever it's been. Probably nine years. Oh, congrats, dude. That is, that's impressive. Yeah, yeah.

Thank you. Because people try and say, you know, you should be proud of this. I'm like, I did it to myself. Oh, congrats dude. That is, that's impressive. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Because people try and like say like, you know, you should be proud of this. I'm like, I did it to myself. I'm a fucking idiot. Like I got myself so deep in this whole of like. But so many people can't kick it though. Totally, yeah.

And you know, a lot of my friends passed away from like drug addiction and stuff. And I think like, you know, a lot of people are like, you think it's Susie Sopranos that you were addicted to drugs and this? I'm like, I think Sopranos is the thing that helped me like come out the other side. Because I was like, I had a lot of friends who were,

you grew up in the fucking building I grew up in, they still live with their mom and this and they were like, well let's say I try everything and I finally kick these drugs. I'm still a guy who's living with his mom and I'm fucking 28 and this, where for me it was like, I have this great life I can live and do things and there's doors open for me. So it's like, if I could just stop this,

like things can be good, you know? Not that, you know, things couldn't be good for other people, but it was just, it was something that really, a lot of people just try and be like, oh, you had child actor and you were- You had more hope. Yeah, and I, you know, but now I just sit on my couch

and gamble, yeah, so. It's not that different than what you were doing. At all. One could argue that different than what you were doing. At all. One could argue that maybe you bring the drugs back. My dad argues that all the time. Does he? Yeah. Whenever we went to like a UT game and he's like, you sure you don't want to drink?

Every time we pass it. Jesus, really? Oh yeah. These guys have met my dad. And he loves my dad. My dad's grand. Every time we pass like a beer thing, he's like, come on. You're not going to have one with me? And I was like, no, it's been 11 years. But he doesn't respect your sobriety?

In his head, I'm sure he does. Yeah. Yeah. But no, he doesn't respect any. I got to meet your dad, who I know I look like. Yeah, you do look like my dad. Yeah. Well, he's, he's gained some weight recently, so you look less like him now, but Great. You look, yeah, he's, he's, you know. I would love to meet him. When I wake up early like I had to today, it makes me more sympathetic to why he's such an angry guy.

Yeah. You know, because he's waking up at 4.30 a.m. every day for like his whole life to go to work, you know? Jesus Christ. Yeah, I can't, and I'm like, okay, I get why you're angry, dude. Oh my God, well here, we got an email I want to read you. It says, hi Gene, long time mommy here.

Been with the pod since episode 85. Listening to YMH 772 and had to write in regarding the hooker with the colostomy bag because I used to know one. I grew up in DC in the 90s, which was a very high-low experience. In my early teens, I used to sneak out almost every night to graffiti stuff and doing so led to various meets

with a real cast of characters on the streets. One of these local celebrities was a hooker with a colostomy bag, who we affectionately refer to as the Colostitute. I forget her real name, but she was very sweet and really funny. I don't know if the bag was a real moneymaker, but a lot of people gave her tips just to keep going.

Now part of that high-low factor was that I got a good education. Senior year of high school, I beat out all the smart kids to win an extremely coveted fellowship at the Folger Shakespeare Library. Very posh. One night on a field trip to see a private showing of King Lear and the Shakespeare Theater, the whole class is outside in our jackets and in our jackets and ties, waiting for our parents to pick us up. And who's on the corner in a green bikini, bag of shit flopping around? The colossal two. She clocks me and starts waving, hey, sugar, I ain't seen you in a minute. I sheepishly wave back and said, miss you, boo, or something to that effect.

Stunned silence and jaws on the floor from my classmates until everyone got picked up. Nobody ever brought it up the rest of the year. Love you guys. See you on the 100s block. Pain. Sponge." Pretty good story. Yeah, I mean, hoes with colostomy bags, they need to work too, you know? Where's the colostomy bag kept, like on the side? Yeah. Like a gun holster? Yeah, there's a hole where you're you're you know where they kind of cut your intestines and that bag was there so when you shit you fill up the bag that's

sitting on the side of you. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. If I could have one super power it might be to never have to shit again. Really? Yeah. You and Eni both. Yeah. I just I just hate it so much. I'm more I hate the wiping But if you're gonna take out the wiping might as well just take out the shitting all together. Yeah. Yeah Shitting is terrible. It does suck. I hate it so much cuz I can't do it in public So I have to like get it done. Are you on a schedule? Yeah every morning every morning, but but I also don't drink coffee So it's like if I have to like for something like this. I didn't shit So you just you know, you got to go back to your place. Oh hundred percent

So if somebody something I don't know that you really wanted to do was happening next here You'd still be like I still have to go back to my place. Well, that's what's great about me There's never anything I really want to do that is great about you. Yeah. Yeah, so you could you know Unless somebody's like you want to go gamble in the middle of let me know what is somebody gonna say? Yeah, there's really nothing that could keep me from going home, as far as tantalizing. I'm just like, nah, I'll go home. All the time, yeah.

Did you follow Fartgate? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you know what a psychopath Eni was? Yeah. I'm fully aware. I know Eni's crazy. But, so we had to go to New York for the 25th anniversary of Sopranos and

I'm in where we're I think we're at the Beacon Theatre And it's like full of people and you're walking around and some guy stops me and he's like bro. He's like I love the podcast He's like you got to talk to anymore. He was like that is one interesting cat That's exactly what he said to me, but when he said interesting cat he gave me like the crazy eyes of like that is one Interesting cat and I was like, oh and this is before Farky well, listen, I've been working with him for a number of years and I'm not here every day But when you talk to anybody else on the staff, they go real interesting cat that any guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, like he's got some interesting thoughts and opinions on things. Yeah, uh-huh

And then sometimes you say hey you had that interesting thought and opinion. He goes no. I didn't yeah you go oh Yeah, okay. Oh, I thought you well. You said you didn't you said that and he's like no. I didn't okay Okay, guys fool fucking me one time. I said that yeah, yeah exactly Crazy person yeah, yeah, that's our boy. Yeah, buddy. Love him. He's great. He's a great guy. Yeah, yeah. That's our boy. But we love him. He's great. He's a great guy. Yeah, and he's great. Lazy just collecting money from the government don't take care of the children. They've good singing well and playing sport Well, what makes them lazy in Africa? You don't have to do much This is not lazy and I'm lazy. Okay, so this is lazy skin. Yes, you know, I'm a white woman No, you're not right. You have the lips of black people everything. Oh, what's black about me? What's the lip? My lips are black.

How about my eyes and my forehead? And listen, I have white women hair. Look. My head is such hair. It's difficult to get control of it. She many times wear wig. Do you like when black people wear wigs? They have no choice. I'm all the time with black people.

I have at home, I have my head. And she's lazy? Yes. Have you told her that she's black and lazy? Why I should tell her, she know. Is my ass like a black woman? Yes. So you use the word n***? N***s using on me, they calling me n***. When I'm calling them back n***, they get upset. Do they look like criminals to you? Another three times. He's racist? She labeled me. My dad's white.

Okay, so he's half white. What do you think about that? Still, they look black. The hair, the color. You need a couple more generations. To take out the blackness? To take it out, right? If you want. You need Jesus, my guy. Jesus was Jewish. You learned so much so cool, you know what my favorite part was when she said look at my ass

He hit reverse real quick on the chair. He just reversed in his chair a little bit. He's like, yeah He's Israeli. That's an Israeli accent. Yeah, but very straightforward Didn't hold back much. No, yeah pretty interesting that he feels like sharing that in public. Not everybody would. Let's say crackhead Barney and friends up top. What did it say on his shirt? Did you see what it said?

How do black people maintain? AM. They do crime. Oh, it's a college. College of Performing Arts. Yeah. It'd be funny if this was a movie. And a bank hat, like a free bank hat.

If this was a show that you wrote, he would be driving home and all of a sudden the battery runs out and all these black people just start coming out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this guy, man. He only is, like nobody 20 years younger than him would do this interview this way.

Only an old guy who's like a paraplegic is like, fuck it. Yeah, and then the guys next to him are like, yeah, no, he can do that. Yeah, because they're like, he's in a chair, fuck him. Yeah, he's in a chair. Oh, man. And finally. They're like he's in a chair. Yeah He's in a chair. Oh man and Finally I gotta hurry up because the bus is coming. It's a pretty cool arrangement. Yeah.

I mean I don't know why both of them more people aren't doing this all All he this guy had to do was walk up hand this guy his shoe He smells and licks it and he just keeps giving him cash and then he's like you want the other shoe Give me another 20. He's like I got you, dude. I got you, bro And that's the thing like sometimes on this show and you guys talk about stuff you'll be like, there's no way that the... I remember there was a... I think Eni started it, where being bi is cap. You know? It's like, oh, you don't think there's guys who like to fuck men and women,

but this guy we know is out there? Like, there's guys who want to lick your shoe before you get on the bus. Get the fuck out of here. The shit that you walk outdoors in the city with there is everything out there now Would you not do this? Do which one would you let the guy lick your shoes for 40? Oh would I let him lick my shoe? Yeah Depends how nasty he looked this guy right here my shoe. It depends how the guy looks Yeah, I ain't trying to dirty up my shoe. You know I'm saying oh yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck it for what how much though he said 40. Yeah, you ain't trying to dirty up my shoe. You know I'm saying oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck it for what how much though He said 40. Yeah, you would need more shoe. Yeah, no, it's gotta be more though. Yeah, I like a hundred okay I'll do like a hundred. Yeah, I know you would do this you said Yeah, oh, it will be awesome as you get him here to lick any shoes done Bro, 100 is 100 a pop yeah, honey. Josh would you? Well first hold on I mean the first one's a hundred then we'll talk about the next oh shit So if he's like damn that was a good shoe your last one. Let's give you a little taste. That's right Yeah, he's like let me get the other one. I'm like yeah, how much you got in your pocket, baby

Yeah, what you got in there? I'll deep those go cougar would you? Absolutely, yeah, how much how much does somebody has to pay, really, to go on that man's retreat? On the man's retreat? Yeah, if somebody's like, oh, it's a three-day retreat, you have to participate fully in everything, how much would you charge? To send me there? To go, yeah. For three days? Let's say your agent called you and you know how he's like, hey, you want do the fucking Tomahawk casino in Poughkeepsie or whatever the fuck if he's like, hey, I got a man's retreat They they need you there

How much but how really like if there's a an upsetting amount of money, right? Oh, I know you don't want to upset people listening to this pod. I want to know I Want to know the number how much you'd really charge for the weekend. It's just that it's, yeah, it's a week, it's like, it's one thing to go to something for a few hours or something, but like you're talking about giving somebody three days. If they offered you $200,000.

No! Wow. That's amazing. Yeah, no. Sorry. Wow. 800,000. Probably not. He wants to hear the milli. He's going for the milli.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I think so. That's crazy. I mean, also, I have a free weekend now. 800 thou, you got to do it for 800 thou. Three days? Yeah.

Well, you get there Friday and you guys are hugging and you're really into it. Can I leave after that? Can I be like, all right, that's it. Now you guys, I'll see you. I'll come back on Sunday to see how it went for you. No, they're like, you'll hear the gong at 5 a.m. when you have to come down for, we're doing underwear meditation class and then we're... 1.6. 1.6.

Yes. Yeah. 1.6. Well, guys, you heard it here. If you guys are looking for Tom to come to your retreat, your man's retreat. And by the way, I won't be fun and I'm not going to participate. But that's, see, I think't be fun, and I'm not gonna participate. See, I think that's part of it.

I think you have to cry and scream. Yeah. 2.5. Tell them how much you hate your wife. 2.5. All the details, you have to raise the fucking budget now. Right. 2.5.

2.5, man, now you're upsetting, you're upsetting me as a listener. Oh, good. I hope so Nobody fucking reaches out about this 2.5 is just 2.5 is too much. It's too much. I know that's what I Want it to be an absurd amount that everybody goes. What's fucking stupid exactly and I don't want to go. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, mmm. Don't want to so just to be clear. We didn't we didn't cover this in the beginning Have you ever gambled on sports? Yeah, Oh recently Just to be clear we didn't we didn't cover this in the beginning. Have you ever gambled on sports? Yeah, oh recently

Not well Let's see last season a little bit. I did a sports book in in Vegas and I did a One of the app did DraftKings thing, but I remember telling you that you should gamble on sports and you're like I don't really know you started to do how'd you do? How'd you like it? I like it a little bit. The problem is that like, a lot, this is the honest truth, I work so many times, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and even with my love of football,

I will forget, because we're traveling so much, I will lose track of like, games I wanna see. It'll be like, Sunday, Monday, and I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ, I forget about the weekend. You know what I mean? Things that happen when you're home, you kind of go like, oh, it's coming up, I'm gonna watch the games.

But when you're on the road with it, you lose track of time and days so easily that I miss them a lot. I miss games that I was like, that was the game I wanted to watch this week. I forget that it was on you're a big Florida steak guy, right? Yeah, it's fucking rough. Have you ever bet have you ever bet on them? Yes. Yes. How'd you like that? One time I did the biggest asshole thing ever They were playing

This is years ago. Somebody could probably look this up. They were playing Carolina okay, Chapel Hill and the spread was like 31. And my friend's dad was the coach of Carolina. And I'm with him. And I go, I'm going to take the NOLS. He's like, you're a fucking cunt, you know? And I bet on it. They had covered the spread, and in the literal final three seconds of the game, Carolina kicked a field goal to Nick A. You got back to work. Yeah, yeah, and I was like, ah. But that also made me go, man,

how do they nail these spreads so far? And also a spread like that is absurd, like 33 points. Like, how do you get it down to that, and where that field goal made it a 32, I was like, this is insane. That's scary, but it was exciting, because I was like, I'm gonna win this money. I got really excited.

But see, the reason I love, people are like, oh, you love to gamble, and yeah, you can look at it that way, but the truth is, I don't wanna play roulette, I don't wanna play blackjack, I don't wanna play these things, I don't. It's like, with the sports betting, it's like how when you watch these, like don't fuck with roulette, I don't wanna play blackjack, I don't wanna play these things, like I don't, it's like, with the sports betting, it's like how when you watch these, like don't fuck with cats,

where like they try and put all these pieces together of this like murder, it's like a, when you're watching like these murder things and you're like, I think I know who did it, like that's how I feel when I'm like, studying like sports betting, and you're like, wait, hold on, like I think I got something here,

and then you like put your money where your mouth is and you watch it and then it happens, and you're like, oh my god How do these motherfuckers who set these spreads do this? I don't understand how they get it. How do they nail it so perfectly? Well, they do and they're very good at it But also there's a ton of games or sometimes you're like it was off by 20 You just don't remember that stuff but they they give every team like a power ranking or a power rating and then they just you know,

They your power ranking to get this guy and they go okay You're you should win by seven like your seven and then like let's say a player gets hurt and he's worth the point They're like okay now it's six and like a quarterback is worth like six points or whatever But then a backup could be worth two and it's like this whole fucking boring thing But it's the most when you like when you think you see something like it's like in the matrix of like a sports Bed and then you make it and then it happens. It's just the best. I, like it's in the matrix of a sports bed, and then you make it and then it happens, it's just the best. It's just the best feeling.

It's a rush. And also you start to go, like I don't know, that guy's knee is sore. I don't think he's gonna have the, you know, like you get those injury reports and all that, and you start to factor in when a star is not gonna perform as well as you think, or you think that somebody's having a breakout,

you're like, I think this kid's gonna have a big game, and that guy does? Yeah, there's like hundreds of thousands of people who just hate Patrick Mahomes because they've lost so much money betting against him. That's just so funny to me. There's people who, Jamie's husband hates Mahomes. Just because of that?

Every time he walks in the field, he's like, this fucking, because you bet against him, you lose. Yeah, it's so funny too. There's so many people who hate him just for no For no reason they just lost money Well, don't forget to check out not today pal every Thursday on the YMH YouTube channel You can also listen to it wherever you get podcasts. Thank you for getting up today, and thank you for coming in and being here Thank you for having me. We love you all the time. Thank you for having me all being here. Thank you for having me. We love you. All the time. Thank you for having me all the time.

Always. Bye guys. One thing I'm going to say right now is that these press comments need to stop immediately. I am tired of seeing my comments being blown off every day. I don't like your dress, like this color of your dress, even more. So I suggest you not get all off about me wearing dresses and having them in my wardrobe Because I don't know whether I have any plans to buy more Because I only have one dress I keep locked up because it's my wife's wedding dress

That is it! Enough is enough! Because my whole entire wardrobe involves work shirts, work pants, and military history is going to move. Military history is going to move. Military history is going to move. Work shirts, work pants, military history, go to move. Work shirts, work pants, military history, go to move. Work shirts, work pants, military history, go to move. Work shirts, work pants, military history, go to move. Work shirts, work pants, military districts go to move

Work shirts, work pants Military districts go to move Work shirts, work pants Military districts go to her! Military districts go to her! Military districts go to her!