Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Is YMH Garbage? w/ H. Foley & Kevin Ryan | Your Mom's House Ep. 703

Episode Date: April 12, 2023

Get tickets to see the AYG guys at https://areyougarbage.comWe are updating our channel memberships! You now get more content for the same low prices! Become a member today by clicking the join button above or going here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYIgiXwJck_Pb5Nj-wIrsqg/joinWelcome back to the Mommy Dome with Tom Segura and Christina P! We open with a clip of our favorite drunk guy, we talk about how hard it is to be a drunk, drugs, NASCAR and Joe Rogan's new Austin comedy club The Comedy Mothership. We revisit Blind Bob, watch Dr. Now yell at some big patients, talk about one of the pickiest eaters they've encountered, and share stories of their wild kids.Then, we welcome comedians and co-hosts of the podcast Are You Garbage, H. Foley and Kevin Ryan! We talk wash cloths, hygiene, introduce the guys to Blind Bob and give Christina a pop quiz on Cheetahs and Leopards. They talk about garbage food tendencies, garbage education and review Christina's TikTok curations.https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

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Click the Join button on our YouTube homepage or right above the description of any one of our episodes. What are you waiting for? Join today. I feel like Quailudes would have been my jam. I like pills. I like to get low. That's why you're a comic. Yeah, every single time. Take the road with more ketchup on it.

I'm not garbage anymore, but... Well, that's still up for debate. Well, they'll make the decision on me. I met the Undertaker last week. No shit! Yeah, I went to his house. What? Yeah.

Yeah. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house. And here we are. It's another episode of your mom's house podcast. Welcome. It is April. I am in Europa. I think tonight I'm in Berlin. If you're watching this, the second it drops,

I appreciate all the European love. I would say Berlin's Tamara. Berlin. And then Copenhagen, Oslo. Pauwes, Athens, Prague, Zurich, Vienna, Barcelona, Madrid, Dublin, Glasgow, Belfast, London, Birmingham, Manchester, Reykjavik. And then back to Las Vegas.

Vegas, baby. Late August, early September. And you will be in Chicago in April. And also, Melliwake, Charlestown, West Virginia, Denver, the fantabulous comedy works in September. Also, Jean, please buy my lipstick. If you haven't already, we just restocked all the way from Italy. These have been selling out so quickly,

and we just got the shipment in. So go ahead. Get this is my camera. One. One. Yeah. So retarded. I'm just wrong with me.

I've become a mother. Yeah, this is me. Anyway, buy my lip shits. It's amazing. I'm wearing it right now, as I always do. People are loving it. That's fantastic. Fantastic.

All right. I'm so ready. Get the business out of the way. I want to laugh. I want to laugh. A lot of good stuff to talk about. I want to laugh. How about we just get right to that opening clip

and get this thing going? I can't fucking wait. Here we go. Hey, we got a special for y'all guys today. Here in this town, here in the heart of Arkansas, we got a fella standing out here, and he was waving an American flag on the corner. He was changing all kinds of different colors

and clothing all the time. Well, I met him about 10 years ago, and we've become good friends. Now, he's kind of got his camera. Yeah. What the fuck? Bring in what button it is. Don't burn when the fuck it stands.

Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Feel it inside of your balls. Feel the rhythm of the night in your balls. Feel it so hard. Oh, that's all four. There you go.

So excited to have back on the show. This guy's amazing. I have, I struggled between the immediate reaction of, oh, I wonder how drunk he is to going like, maybe this is just how he is, you know? Like, I don't even know that he's inebriated. It's like, and it's an assumption, but then you're like, no, maybe he's not.

Maybe not, because years of abuse will cause the brain to be permanently damaged. Yeah, there's holes in the brain. It's called alcohol disorder abuse. Yeah. But also, I've noted that his teeth look better than the average weirdos. Which is not a drunk thing.

Drunks don't have a nice teeth. So, correct. I'm a little confused, yeah. Not at that age. It's quite a conundrum. But Jesus. He's kind of like that kind of a hardy, hardy self. He's just moved up to Detroit

or somewhere up there missing. To Detroit? Well, we're going to do a bunch of finding stuff for he lives together. I mean, he lives. We've fought our lives together. Yeah. Yeah.

I've gotten all prepared. I've got all prepared. The whole day for this. The whole day for this. So, you're going to make my friend hair his name, his name, his name, his name, his name is Teton Tam. Hold on. You make my friend's hair name is Teton Tam.

I don't know what the video's about even. I don't even know what this is about. Does anybody speak drunk guy? Because this is an American. This isn't like the Kalarney drunk. No, it's not. And I also don't know if this is just like a bit, you know, like a fun way to talk because the camera's on.

Oh, right. Oh, no. You know what I mean? Like. Toe later, kaka lala. Yeah, I don't know. I just don't know. Toe later, kaka lala.

Kaka, kaka, kaka lala. Will, will. Yeah. Will, will. I don't know what the fuck he's saying. I love this so much. Oh, well, we're going to do some stuff that he wants us to be put on my tip top. We want.

So we're going to do it for you. Who are we doing for you? I got that. You're going to do what? To be discreet. To be discreet. To scrape my ass. To scrape my ass.

OK. Underwindies. Underwindies. Underwindies. I never had no pussy. I don't know. You think he's single? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. This guy's cool. You know, I, um. His name, his name is. Yeah. I was, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm amazing is what I said. Can I tell you something?

I drank three beers last night. Yeah. And I am fully R worded today. Yeah. And by the way. Really? Yeah. I mean, I feel like this guy today.

And I imagine he drinks more than three beers every night. Well, that's the thing is that, I mean. If this is a real, a real way that he really talks. Yeah. Of course. He has massive holes in his brain. From just, just decades. Decades.

Incredible abuse of alcohol. And I would, I would guess as well, drug abuse. I'm going to put meth in there. Because these were super skinny. Because usually just alcoholics, aren't they fat? Sometimes, sometimes they're not. Just depends on their body type and, and their, their metabolism. I mean, they're skinny drunk.

Yeah. My dad's a skinny drunk. Yeah. And you know what's really interesting is that I really connected to my dad last night as I drank three beers and then pizza. You know, it's like coming with your dad. We talked about that. Oh, God.

And my dad, I couldn't, I don't know if my dad liked to come or get drunk more. But I will say. It's a good sign when you have to weigh the question. He loved to both drink and come. But. Yeah. I've gotten all prepared. I've gotten all prepared.

Is that I, when I was drinking the beer, I was like, this is so filling. It's like drinking a milkshake. And I had three of them. It's incredible when somebody has the capacity to just keep going with those. Just on the volume alone. Volume of fluid. I was always, I was never even at my fattest. I got my fattest.

I couldn't handle. I was never one of those guys that could drink that much. Beer or just alcohol. Beer. Beer. Well, I was never a big, big drinker. I mean, I have nights where I've gone off the rails. I think, of course, like anyone.

I'm still good for once a year of like two. But for me, once a year too much is like too much, like, you know, too much of hard liquor. If I have a few, all of a sudden I'm like, I'm a mess. Beer wise, I've gotten drunk off of beer. But I've never was somebody that was like, I drank 15. I could never do that. And also I was thinking about it. If you love to get drunk, like it's so inefficient.

Depends on how you look at efficiency. Okay. Go ahead. Well, go ahead, Tom. If you want to be drunk like this, yeah, of course, drinking hard liquor is going to get you drunk faster. But if you want to have a good time for a while, you drink beer over time because alcohol, volume is lower, but it adds up over time over drinking multiple beers.

But you're nice not over an hour. You know, you can drink, you can pound whiskey or tequila and just be like, I'm out and you're, it's fucking 730. You know, you're a mess. But you can start just drinking beers and do it for six, seven hours and just be like, and you know what, I think that's what my father liked most about beer. Concerts have, you know, you're right. Because I was trying to think like, what is the possible,

extend the party, like it's a party not to stop. Yeah. Like one time he and his friend, Willie, who's now dead, drank 75 beers between the two of them in Miami. And it's one of my father's proudest achievements. I remember him talking about it. And he's, he's mentioned it many times. I haven't even spoken to you for that many times and he said it to me.

So yeah. Like he's so proud of himself and he's like, and we drank full beer, high-naked, not light beer. So like he was so stoked that he could achieve that. Drink about 40 beers. Right. But I was thinking last night, so I drank two pints of beer. I was so full and then I stuffed pizza down my gullet.

And I was like, this is a lot of, it's very bloating. So of course you have to be fat, so carb heavy. So I haven't even eaten yet today. It's noon almost and I'm not even hungry. But I've just find it to be inefficient. I like to get drunk fast and with as little amount of alcohol as possible. Yeah. But it's funny you say that because you're actually,

you're mostly a wine drinker. I do like wine, but I get ripped two glasses and I'm hammered. Well, that's pretty low tolerance. Probably a good thing that you're taller. There's some broads out there that they can go way harder than you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, of course.

There's some real fucking alcoholic chicks out there. And they drink, but they drink like whiskey. Everything, beer, whiskey. I can't do that stuff. I won't, my body won't do that. Those chicks that drink bourbon straight, you know, or jack and coax, vodka, tequila, yeah. See, this is why it's good to start drinking early, like 16 to 18.

Because I learned those lessons of alcohol so early that by the time I was in college, I was like, I ain't messing with whiskey. I'm not messing with tequila. I'd already puked and like done the fun stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, everybody deserves a couple of experiences. And then you decide whether or not that's going to change your behavior.

Yes. Like for me, I have had horrible hangovers. Horrible. Horrible hangovers. Really gone too hard. I mean, I'm overdosed also. That's what I was going to say. But I mean, just alcohol related, I've gone over the line.

And to be honest with you, most of the time now, when someone's like, we're out, we're having a good time, and someone's like, you want to get another one? A lot of times, my brain just goes, you don't want to feel like shit tomorrow. Like it's not worth feeling like shit tomorrow. I mean, I'm a really lame drinker. I just don't enjoy it.

You're not big into it. I just don't really enjoy it. I just, you know, daytime, every time I have a day drink, every time I have a day drink, the first thing that comes to my mind is like, I want to go take a nap. Of course. It ruins your whole day. Even if it's like one drink at noon, I'm like, I want to go lay down. And I don't like feeling like that.

I don't want to go lay down, you know? So I'm like, no, it's not fun for me. I like it. I don't like it. I don't like that feeling. I'd rather, I'm definitely, I'm evening. Like if I'm going to have drinks, it's going to be in the evening. You know, with dinner, I mean, honestly,

I'd like a glass of wine with dinner. If we're going to have drinks, drinks, yeah, I'll have a cocktail or two, but I don't like getting over the line really. I just don't enjoy it. I don't enjoy getting over the line with cocktails because I feel like once you're over that line, you're just like... I don't like the beer bloat.

Beer bloat is, I feel like a disaster today because I had beer and pizza last night. I'll tell you what, I feel like would be the shit is angel dust. I still feel like that would be... You said this. I feel like that would, that's like for someone like me, you know, I'm kind of laid back, dude. You know, it gets you into the moment,

it gets you wanting to like, all right, I'll have fun with you tonight. But angel dust is like an upper. Yeah. All right, yeah. And it's, it's like speed, yeah? Like crazy speed? Yeah, yeah, it's PCP, yeah.

Yeah. Can you even find PCP anymore? Yeah. Yeah, for sure you can get this, yeah. Yeah. This is interesting. It's a hallucinogenic. Yeah.

It was developing the 50s as a surgical sedative, but it was later discontinued due to its severe side effects. But it's still fucking cool, like people still do it. Well, I know you like to lift weights. Yeah. Imagine lifting on angel dust. Dude, people on angel dust will fight 10, 12 cops at a time. They lift up cars.

I know, it's so fun. I mean, I think I would really hit a new level if I'm trying to max out on some shit. If I was dusted up, got wet. Got dusted. You know, you got to get wet. I know you've said this and I missed out on quailutes, which I'm so bummed about because-

I still can get them. We can still get them. Where? Mexico? Just, I know a couple guys. Really? Yeah, of course. I know somebody in every field.

I feel like quailudes would have been my jam. I like pills. I like to get low. Actually, I think heroin is my jam. If I'm being honest, I would love to get into heroin, but the first two times only. That is the greatest. I mean, dilated.

Dilated is, you know, medical heroin and it's still, honestly, I mean, the birth of our kids was cool. Yeah. But as far as best experiences of my life. Sure. Dilated, yeah. Dilated, yeah. I like those downers.

Like, I just want to be anesthetized totally. Put me out. I love Xanax. I love, like, fentanyl was great. And they gave it to me and for my ankle, I was like, this is heaven. I love downers. I love it.

Me too. But you just said you were into PCP. No, I didn't say I'm into it. I said, I think as a party, I've never tried it. I'm saying as a party thing. Because I don't like hangovers. Because I don't, you know, I feel like that would be

a cool one to, like, I would like to see me on it. You know what I mean? I really, yeah. No, my, my go-to is downers. Yeah, same thing. I like, I like to shut it off. Seems to. Shut everything off.

Shut that brain down. I wish I had that Michael Jackson level of fame and money because I would hire a doctor to be like, time for Tommy to go to bed. Just like, go ahead and give me the injection. I know. Yeah. That's why I love surgery.

I'm trying to find surgeries. No. Just so I can get, you know, an anesthetic, an anesthesiologist in the room. I know. And like. Can I tell you, one of the greatest. The best fucking moment of my life was just like,

Yeah. Like, you wake up and you're like, what the fuck's happening? And they're like, yeah, six hours have gone by. I'm like, oh, man. I feel so rested. The best nap I ever took was before they harvested my eggs for IVF.

Yeah. You know, or that surgery or whatever. And you're like, oh my God, this feels amazing. Yes. When I had my colonoscopy too, they give you that. Sweet, sweet. And they're like, what kind of music do you like? They always have a thing they ask you.

I go, what kind of music do I like? I go, I like him. I don't even remember what I said. And then you just wake up and you're like, what the fuck am I? It's great. It's great. I love it.

Yeah. They're like, count to 10. One, two. And two, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Gosh.

That's good sleep, man. I know. I'm serious. If you're doubting surgery, go sign up for one. Take care of that. It feels so good. It feels so good to sleep like that. It really does.

Yeah. I like even the grogginess out of it, where you're like, oh, I'm still kind of lit. It's good. So fun. Yeah. Good times. Shout out to NASCAR.

They fucking, they only do like four road courses a year. Normally they're in an oval, you know? But like Koda here, circuit of the Americas, is a road course, right? Like multiple turns, hairpins, back straight, like 20 turns on the course. They do like four road courses a year. And they did one recently here in Austin.

And I got to go to that. And it's a totally different scene. Like Daytona is basically the Super Bowl or like Spring Break. Like it's fucking wild. And out here, it was like way more chill. It was a lot for me. I was like, this is more my speed. Yeah.

So fun. They put on such a good, they throw such a good event. Like they actually, it's the most fan accessible sport. Like I'm new to it. I've never been to, except for these last two. But they let like fans walk around on the track before and like walk up to the car. Sometimes they get to like run into the drivers. Like most pro sports, they never get to do that shit, you know?

And they just put on a really good time. It was, it was super fun. That's awesome. I'm glad you had a good time. Yeah. I had a really good, and both of us did. Finally, we got to check out the comedy, Mothership. Shout out to Joseph Rogan.

He, uh, Wow. It's before I moved here. He was talking about doing this. Then there was a venue that fell through. So that was the whole thing. Oh, I'm doing it. And then that venue fell through.

The other one that he was going to get. Yes. Yes. Then he, I remember when he got this, and then it was like, now the build will take place. And that was a long process. I mean, this is a, this has been a process. Years. I saw this thing when it was gutted, the building, when it was gutted out.

And he was like, this is what it's going to be. And it was just like a vision, but I was like, okay. Then, I don't know, a year later, I saw it like at the halfway stage or something. Then I saw it about 80% done, and then I hadn't seen it. And then it opened while, I think we were out of town. And then you did it one night, and then I finally got to do it on your night, I actually went on your night. And yeah, he nailed it.

It's fucking awesome. It's incredible. Everything is utter perfection. And it's because he's been a comic for so many years. And finally, one of us has made a club. So he knows, I mean, the detail, even what I love is the main stage, the fat man, right behind the curtain where the performer you wait is a performer. To go out on stage, you part the curtains and you go out.

He even put a chair behind that curtain, just in a cubby so that you're alone to collect your thoughts. Right, shit that most clubs don't think about. Don't even, like, that is so specific. A detail that only a comedian who's seasoned understands. And I think too, it's just been lovely for us to have a community again, which we, you know, we've all lost because of moving and this and that. And it's just lovely to hang out with like degenerates again.

And excited crowds, like crowds that are stoked to be there. I mean, oh my God, I was an unannounced guest at your show. Yeah. I was fucking, it was a wild reception. I mean, they were awesome. Yeah, I was probably, I was the craziest reception I've ever had. They stood up when you got out. It's crazy.

It was nuts. But I would also say this, I was watching people's sets and it's just fun to be in that real club environment. Yeah, goddamn. And everybody was enjoying, everybody came off the stage with a smile, whether they were like a door guy or door girl doing five minutes. Oh my gosh. Or someone like Ron White, who was popping in doing spots.

So, Ron White. Everybody's having a good time. I would highly encourage comedians to come here, but also just to do your weekend, like book weekends, do it at Comedy Mothership. Oh, dog. Like let them know if you're a comic that you want to work there because it's hot and it's fun.

It's really fun. It reminds me of like the great clubs in the country where you're like, when you go to Comedy Works in Denver or Acme in Minneapolis, where you're like, man, that was fun as shit as fire. There's the same kind of vibe there, like audiences that are stoked to be there and know how to behave. And they take their phones, all the bullshit that you wish happens there. And you know what, it's everything down to every detail.

He even has the waitresses that are so skilled that you don't even know when the check drop is happening. You're like, what? So good. And it's just the attention. I almost cried when I was like, oh my God, finally, there's a club for us. It's perfect. It's really exciting.

It's fucking fun as shit, man. Perfection. Yeah. Get nailed it. Get over there. Get over there, dog. Get over there. 6th Street in Austin, Texas, baby.

Oh my God. It's the best club in the country. I really think it is. It's pretty great. In the world. I don't think I've done anything like that. Anyway, thank you, Joe, because it's fucking rad. He like built us a clubhouse.

What do you got as far as an email? You said you're going to read an email. Oh my Christ. Do you want to vomit? OK, here we go. Hi, Hitler's. I'm listening to you all talk about people eating their boogers and how absolutely disgusting it truly is.

I have a solution for everyone to learn from. Don't flick them. Don't eat them. Ready? Get a dog. I have two labs that love sitting with me anywhere I sit. So that means they are almost always available when I'm digging deep. I started wiping my boogs under their lips and eventually they got a taste

and started to recognize the sound of my slight nose blow to better position the boogs for picking ease. Now they know when I'm about to give them a treat and they start pushing their snout up around my face when I'm trying to get that sucker out of it. Let's go to something else. Thank you, Derek. Wait, you don't like that? No, no.

That's almost child abuse, right? Dog abuse. That was so gross. All right. I have something else I'm more excited to play. Oh, don't play puke. Is it puke? No, it's not puke.

Hi. I hope you get this video response. The guy that did the shitting and gave the description of his shit. I would love to talk to him and hear from him. In fact, I would like to get some of the videos of him taking a shit. I'm blind and I just like this for fun. It's just a fun thing and trying to find a friend on YouTube here. Just a friend.

Would understand and would be willing to share whenever he's got to take a dump. I always enjoy poop humor. It's more of the mad videos on here as well. This is your show, pal. I can't believe you're dead. Why are all the good ones dead? You could have been an honorary member of Wyoming. That was really a great video.

So I hope you get this. The name is Bob. You can reach me at home. I live alone. Always looking for someone to talk to and making new friends. My computer has speech on it because I can't read the information on the screen. So it speaks to me. It's a program called Window Eyes.

And it's really neat. So if you could have named it something else, it's a little insensitive. Talk to me and get to know me a little bit. I think you'd find me as an interesting person. You're a very interesting person. I'm a school teacher. I'm an amateur ham operator. So I'm active and a lot of things active in my church.

What? What? I'm a teacher. He's a teacher. He's a master of my church. And send me your shit video. How does this even work for him? Completely unfair that this man is dead.

I do not accept this. I do not accept that he has died. Too fantastic. He's the greatest. Fucking A, man. Fucking shit. Okay, well, hold on. You know what just occurred to me as well?

He is only interested in guys taking his shit. It's all he said so far. It is. There's a preference there. Yeah. I understand that. But is it dizzy like guys in general or just guys shitting? Because that's the whole...

I don't know. Maybe guys take gnarlier dumps. I don't know. Maybe he wants sounds. Obviously, he's blind. So if he just goes like... He's not gonna... He's in it for the sounds.

Sound effects. That sweet music, yeah. Please, I'd appreciate it if you get back with me. Yeah. Okay. If you contact me at 734-324. Not anymore. My email is RRE at sbcglobal.net.

Hope to hear from you sometime soon. Thank you. sbcglobal.net. What's this guy? Got a Lenovo? What the fuck's going on with this guy? That's such a dated email address. Hey.

SBC Global. I don't know they used to have that. Oh, there's some fucking dorks that have that. Yeah. Lenovo dorks. By the way, do you think they should have called the program Not Window Eyes? It does seem a little rude.

But branding-wise, like if you're... I don't know. I know. It just seemed a little mean. Yeah. I don't know. We're still reminding them they can't see. It should be more empowering.

This guy's incredible though. He's really something. I mean, the fact that he's like... I think you'd find that I'm interesting. I'm a school teacher. I'm active in my church. I'm a ham. Ham.

Yeah, radio operator. Also, I love to listen to guys take shits and describe what they ate and where they shit. Yeah. And you know what's really cool about him too is that he sees no shame in that. Like he will list that amongst, I love bird watching. I love taking care of my nieces and nephews and I like shit.

For those of you that don't get it, this is why he's perfect for this show. It's the fact that he's shameless but he's so endearing. That's what I love about him. That's 100% right. Yeah. It's so matter of fact. This is real.

This is genuine. This is authentic. And cancer, fuck you for taking another one. God damn it. I would hire this guy. He could fucking... I'd give him a house. I'd buy you a house if you were alive.

Just to fucking have you in here every week. Move him to Austin and then bring him in and be like, tell us about the shit that you heard this week. Have him describe this. Like his perfect shit. What would be your perfect shit? And he's like, well, the guy on buckles is buckles real loud. There's certain high fatty foods that kind of make everything come out at once.

Have them break down. Like farts at like rapid fire. Farts and caca. He's so sincere about it. So sincere. And then he wants to make friends with you on top of it. So he's also like, I want you to make these shit vids, but I also want to get to know you. Who's the person behind the dial?

I'm looking for a friend. He's like, I'd love to make a friend on YouTube. That's what he was doing. That's crazy. A friend who sends you shit audio. It's kind of rad. I mean, I can't, I can't argue with that. I mean, he also, even in the last time he did a video, he was like,

I'm also a huge fan of aviation. He likes that too. What do you think she's into? Another laptop. Oh boy. Yeah. The blender I make my smoothies with. She's got a little grill at an angle.

There you go. She could tuck this stuff under her fat roll. That's great. My griddle I make pancakes with. This one's going to be a hard one, but I think I can do it. A vacuum cleaner. My bathroom. You can do it sister.

That weighs a lot. You can do it. Get in there. There you go. Yeah. And last but not least, a banana. Oh, that's easy. But the banana should have been the first.

You should end on the vacuum cleaner. Well, it's kind of a jokey punchline, I think. Oh, was it to go in her pussy? Like, is that what she's saying? No. I think it was like, here's something that obviously is simply, you know. Oh, that was her attempt at a joke. Yeah, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

Kind of makes you think about a guy I know that you're a huge fan of, you know? I mean, watching this makes me think of somebody else, you know? Dietitian come talk to you? Yes, sir. Can you talk to her about the food that they've been sitting in here? Well, I don't know why you don't like the food that everybody else sees in the world. Show me what they brought to you. This, I didn't touch it.

I don't... That's good. Good lines. I don't eat that. I don't eat beans at all. I don't even know what that is. And this look like dog food. You don't like meat?

I don't eat stuff like these. That's good nutrition, that good protein. I don't eat beans at all. But how about the meat? I don't eat the kind of meat. That's Dr. No. Dr. Now. Dr. Now.

If you've ever watched any of those extreme weight loss surgery. I love it. So he's like the premier gastric bypass surgeon, I think in the world, at least in the United States, and I believe he's out of Houston. Yeah, and Fatty's waddle to him from all over America. And the best thing if you watch any of these show, he talks to fat people the way you wish you could. But it's impolite.

But he's just like, yeah, I don't give a fuck. I've been dealing with these people for 40 years. And he always like, what he does is he'll be like, okay, well, you're gonna have the thorns, me. So he makes them do weight loss first. So he's like, let's say someone's like five, 600 pounds. He'll be like, all right, you need to come back here in a few months and have lost 50, and he weighs them.

You know, he puts them on. He's like, all right, you're 600 pounds. You have to weigh 550 the next time we weigh you or no surgery. And they're like, okay. And then sometimes they come back and they've lost that or more. And he's like, very good. You actually have self-control. He sounds like Yoshi.

Like he's like, he's a very good performer. Or sometimes they'll lose not enough weight. Oh boy. And he's like, sorry, bye-bye. You're no strong. You're no fat. You're very fat. Bye.

And he just walks out and they're like, what the fuck? He's like, I gave you three months. He didn't lose any weight. Well, I haven't really eaten it since I've been here. You're not gonna fade away. I still have to eat something. No. Even the food that belonged to the next four years ahead of time.

So if you don't eat, you can be all right. And you're awake. Body got the reserve that you don't eat anything for a week or two. You're not gonna have anything that'll happen. But like in a hospital, you don't take a medication and having to take different medicine. You have to have food in your system to take the medicine, not to be nauseated.

But the dog food that they give me here is fine. I don't eat stuff like that. And that's not dog food. That's very good food. Yeah, he doesn't take any shit. He doesn't take shit. But you know what? Because these people, they're junkies and they're vices.

These are addicts. So he knows how to handle the addicts. Because they always have excuses. The drunks and drug addicts are like, I need the medicine. Yeah, yeah. But so, and also like, you forget when you're that heavy to lose that first 50 that he's requiring literally means don't drink soda for these folks.

And like, just don't eat garbage. You can have regular food, but that's it. He eats like, reasonably well. And then the shit's gonna lose 50 pounds. You're so heavy, your body wants to stabilize. So they can't, they're addicts. They can't do it. I think this is when he is, he had a follow-up.

Like though I'm telling you, he has a follow-up with somebody who like, he told them lose a certain amount of weight. For the surgery. And they come back and he's just so direct. You just have your bypass about two months ago. And when you left the hospital, you were down to five, four to six. So you lost only nine pounds to stay.

But Renee has lost almost 50 pounds at the same time. And she hasn't even had her bypass yet. What in the world is going on with you? I guess I'm eating the wrong things. You think it's funny? You think it's funny? I like how you talk. You have a gastric bypass.

I had a gastric bypass, yes. To lose weight. To lose weight. And you're not losing weight. I don't eat a third what I ate before I had that surgery. Okay. You're asking me questions and I don't understand them more than you understand.

What are you talking about? You're choosing to overeat and you think it's okay? No, I don't think it's okay at all. So what is going on? I guess I'm not eating the right things. I mean, we gave you the instruction that you need to follow and you're not following. You play your cards right until you got the surgery.

And now you're playing this kind of game. Anything that's okay? I'm playing any game. I throw up constantly. I eat what I can keep down. That's how it works. You throw up constantly because the surgery forces you to when you overeat now.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So this person, this is a unique one. So he said you played, so this person did follow the protocol to get the surgery, then got the surgery and has reverted probably back to their old ways. And he's pissed.

He's like, you tricked me. You made me think you were going to do it and now you're not doing it. I think my problem is, is I'm holding a lot of fluid. I can't hardly pee. Really? I don't know what, I mean, really? What do you mean you don't know?

Do you think that you're not eating? And you gave me a lot. I don't want to get malnourished either. Oh my God. Do you look like you're malnourished? Holy shit. It's amazing. Yeah, he, uh...

Amazing. He, oh, he never, he never lets anybody slide. No, he never lets them slide. It's like when we used to watch Hoarders, remember how desperately we wanted one of those therapists to be like... Usually it was like one. Just fucking throw it away. Just fucking throw it away.

Like, he's finally talking to these people the way that they can maybe understand. Like, you're troubled. Stop doing it. You're throwing up because you're eating too much. Yeah. Do you not want me to eat at all? You know that's not what I'm saying at all.

You have been given a tool to help you change your life. Now that you have the surgery, the physical drive to eat is gone. So you have to deal with what is driving it to eat. And that's the hard part and you don't want to do it. I love it. Yeah, this is totally... Fucking finally.

It's on point. And you're running from it and self-destructing. I'm down with this conversation. Oh. Go to her. No, no, no. We're gonna finish with you. No, we're not.

We're not. I'm just telling you now. You're making me mad and leaving. You're sitting down right there. You're sitting down right over there. No, I'm... Wait, sit down. Ooh.

I've never seen that before. At least she's walking. And shoved him. Shoved him to open the door. I'm saying, you're making me mad. Yeah. Well, this is... But isn't this when anybody's like,

you have a problem or you should stop eating your feelings and she's like, I want to eat my feelings? Well, it's very relatable too. Of course. I empathize with the person because I understand that the reason that they want to leave the room is because someone's confronting them with...

It's painful, emotionally painful. But everybody does this. But my point is also, though, that you need a doctor like this. Because so many of them would be like, well, you know, you've had the surgery and now it's up to you. And then they just walk out of the room.

But he's actually like, the fuck are you doing? Yeah. Well, because you've been given this ticket to change your life. Are you going to change your life? Or are you just going to go back to the same awful habits? It's sad because they want the help.

Clearly they want the help. They just need to be reminded of why they were there in the first place. Sure. Because it is hard to go the distance and sustain. So hard. Yeah, of course. But I love that he talked.

I wish Dr. Now was in every field of everything. Like, did you wish your therapist was like him? He's like, shut up, get over it. I wish the therapist was like, are you really whining about this again? I know, shut up. Really, yeah. That's why I need Dr. Now.

Well, the reason you're whining is because you're acting like a fucking loser. Like you're acting like a fucking loser, Dr. Now. True, true. We need more Dr. Nows in the world. We sure do. We sure do. People are fucking crybaby pussies.

Do you think a doctor like him would have spoken to my friend that we had dinner with? Stop. That happened fucking like a month ago. A month ago? Yeah. I think about it every day and I'm still angry every day. I get angry once a day about it.

We had, we had dinner with a friend of mine who I hadn't seen in a minute, regular non-showbiz friend came to dinner with his wife. I started to call him Ira. I was like, you old fucking Jew, dude. I've known him for years and he was like, I don't eat tomatoes and I don't eat onions and garlic is upsetting as well.

We'd go to dinner and then he's like, does this have tomatoes? And they're like, oh yeah. And he's like, I can't handle that. And I was like, what are you fucking 85? He's like, it gives me indigestion. And then we go, we worked out and, you know, I just... Wait, and also sorry, he can't handle spicy foods.

I don't like spices. So let's go through this. Tomato, onion, garlic, and spice. That's A, everything that makes everything delicious. And B, really helps fight all the bacteria and shit in your body. That's why they eat this shit in every other country. And so many things. And then like they brought something out that did have like a few, he was like,

stop, remember when I said I don't eat tomatoes? And the lady was like, oh yeah. He's like, he gave it back. And we were like, why couldn't you just like knock them off? Just knock them off. Tomatoes. It seeps into the other food. And then we fucking, we worked out and we're doing it.

He goes, I can't squat so far because my hip is tight. And I was like, your hip is tight? He's like, yeah, it gets so tight. So he did like three half squats. And he was like, I can't go anymore. I'm like, yeah, maybe you should get that checked out. He needs doctor now. I was like, do you want to go on a run?

He's like, I can't, my teeth hurt when I run. I go, your fucking teeth hurt. His teeth hurt. I mean, there was one, I mean, isn't it like a fucking 90 year old Jew? Yeah. It's Ira. It's fucking Ira, dude. Oh my God.

Well, the wood upset me so much about the diet. Dietary restriction. So at one point we were eating in a restaurant and the waitress goes, oh, are you allergic to these things? And he was like, no. Well, he paused. That's actually an interesting point. Because the lady goes, are there any food allergies?

And he goes, and it's like he thought, should I say? Should I lie? And then he goes, well, I can't have, and I told her, I go, no allergies. Because if you tell you allergy, it like restricts the food for the table. I was like, he's not allergic to anything. I did it for him. And he was like, yeah, I just don't eat. And then she goes, oh, OK, I'll tell the chef.

I go, tell the chef there's no allergies. There are no allergies here. He's not going to go into antifelactic shock. No, Ira. And she's like, oh, OK, he goes, yeah, I just, you know, it doesn't agree with me. So, but here's the deal, man. Like, don't you feel like there's, you, especially of all people, eat a lot of things that don't agree with you and then you just take the, you pay the bill in the toilet.

And I hear it all the time and you're like, yeah, I'm like in sugar, yeah, eggs, whatever. But you don't, and what I admire about you is that you push through these things all the time. We all do. And I try to look, it took me a long time. I do avoid things when, you know, sometimes I'll be like, I'll look at it and I'll go, oh, I'm not going to eat that because I know it's going to upset me. Yeah. But he was so adamant.

Such a fucking gay lord. And what do you prepare that with? Oh my God. Do you stop? Oils for butter. And then they would, and he's like, oh, I can't also have that. He eats like a toddler. He eats toddler foods.

Toddler foods don't have flavors in them either. No spice. And I go, why? He's like, well, I used to take a medicine that allows me to eat these things, but I get indigestion. And I'm like shut the fuck up. My knees hurt. My knees are always hurting.

But don't you feel like, like here's the deal, man. Let me tell you something. When I first started eating Korean food in Los Angeles, I would eat the hot ass soup. I would eat the bibimbap. I would eat all, and I would get flaming hot diarrhea about an hour later. Okay. But you know what I did? What?

I kept on eating it. And eventually my body got used to the spices and the heat. And now I'm fine, I eat it. So you push past the discomfort. Yeah. If you enjoy the taste, which I assume most people like. Yeah. Stop being a fucking pussy.

Yeah, he's just, ah. Wait, but talk about the, my favorite was playing with our kids. That was the best. That was the absolute best. He came over to the house. And our boys, we have this, it's small. It's a pretty small enclosed trampoline. Yes.

You can, an adult can go on it, but it's not, it's not like one of those big ones. It's a little one in the backyard. And you know, it has like the nets around it. And it's for kids really. But an adult can go on it with a couple kids, let's say. So I get on there and they're like, jump, jump high dude. Come on. And they're, you know, doing their normal.

Come on dad, don't be a shit. Yeah. So jump in, having fun. And I'm like, all right, I'm out of here. And then they call him. They're like, come on Ira. And so he's like, okay. And he's more like a little more cautious.

So there's a zipper on the side. So you open the zipper and he crawl, you have to crawl in, right? Cause it's like, it's enclosed. And as he's crawling in, he's, he's on all fours immediately. The two of them jump on him. Ellis puts his, him in a headlock and Julia starts kicking him. And they're just like kicking, kicking. This is shit I'm all used to.

This is every day for me. Yeah, it's boys. And I, I hear him. He's like, hey, hey guys. And they're like, come on. And they start like kicking and kicking. And then Alice is like, I'll choke you out. I'll choke you.

I can hurt you. And like you see him go from one to 10 panic. He's like, hey, hey guys, stop, stop. And I was like laughing. I was like, this is boys, dude. This is what little boys are like. He's like, I don't like, he starts like trying to push them off. And they're like, I'll choke you out.

He fully panicked. I know. I like that. And he stood up and he was like, what was that? And I was like, that's every day. Every day they do that. Yeah. I love it.

Our little, our youngest is, he's four. The other night we had a guest over and he goes, he goes, good night. And don't forget to eat shit. And I was like, hey, I go, that's not how you say good night to somebody. And he's like, why don't they just eat shit every night? And I was like, why don't you talk? Yeah, that's a little dude. And we had a couple over with their teenage son.

And they're like, good night, shit nager. They call them a poop nager. Yeah, come a shit nager and a poop nager. Don't forget to eat shit tonight. There's such savages there. There's such savages. But so much fun. I think our boys are a litmus test for like, can you handle life or not?

Like you come over, they'll jump on you, they'll fuck with you. And if you put them in there and you push back on them and you alpha them, then they respect you. But if you don't, they eat that. Their teenage boy, it was so sweet. Yeah. And I was like watching him deal with Ellis because Ellis was like, I'm definitely stronger than you.

This kid is like four times his size. And he was like, oh, he was just like sweet. And Ellis would like grab him and he'd be like, like pull on him as hard as he could. And he goes, see, let's break you. I was like, you're so lucky. This is a well-adjusted teenager who's like, I'll fucking kill this kid. So nice to him. And he was like, I was definitely stronger than him, dad.

And I was like, yeah, no, definitely. Of course. Definitely stronger than him. But I like that our boys are tough like that. I like it because then they're going to eat all these other pussies alive that are training the boyness out of the boys. I feel like everything was cool until you spoke. Yeah.

Right then. I think that's an unhealthy response. Oh, really? Yeah, you don't even know. But yeah, that's cool. Everything was cool until you're like our pussy. They don't eat these pussies alive. No, they're just little boys having fun.

That's really what's going on. Yeah. I don't forget to eat shit tonight. Yeah, I like that. You make them strong. But you did have this, you were fascinated with watching the visiting teenage boy eat. You're like, this is awesome. Man, I remember now, too.

It's fantastic. So Zolo is the youngest member or baby Zolo of our tribe. And I love watching him eat. He's just houses. But how old are you now? You're 21? 23. Too old.

23. Now he's old. He's old. Now it's time for you to slow it down. Old man. But this kid was 14 years old. And I loved watching him just house plates of food. And we would go out.

And last night I was like, he gets his own pizza, the teenager, just because I want to see how far. And we got him like a deep dish, pepperoni. He had like five slices. And he's like skin and bones. Yeah. You know, body's still growing. Not an ounce of fat.

No fat. They're just growth. Up, up, up. Yeah. Like they eat and their cells divide in the exact same moment. You're like, Jesus Christ. Like a specimen. Yeah, it's rad.

Yeah. It's rad because like I can't, you can't do that anymore as a middle-aged person. You can, but then you go visit this doctor. He's like, the thing is, you're a pig right now. Yeah, you got to stop. You're going to have to have your sojourn. Why are you so fat?

Why are you so fat? You think you're going to waste away? Yeah. That was great. He's like, do you look like somebody? Do I look like somebody? Because you actually don't need to eat. You need to drink water, but you don't need to eat for a long time.

You don't need to eat that much food. But remember when you were a teenager and you would come home from school and that would be like the first dinner, like I would come home from school, make some steak, do you remember steakum? Yeah. That frozen piece of shit steak

and then you put it in the microwave. That was your thing. You didn't have steak, no way in your house. No, you didn't have steak. Your mom cooked for you. Yeah. You're not as garbage as I am. We had snacks, but we didn't have steak.

But I would come home, eat a steak, eat a mama celeste, fucking whole pizza, and then two hours later, you would have like proper dinner with your family. Remember doing that shit? Yeah, of course. And you could do that.

Do that. Like you had two dinners a night as a teenager and it was totally fine. And then for lunch, I would have like a Frito pie. I would house. Jesus Christ. Like a fucking 16 ounce steak. Yeah. You know, baked potato.

And then my dad would be like, you're enough to eat? I was like, I don't know. He's like, you want another steak? I was like, okay. Yeah. I thought like another steak. Just won't get down.

Yeah. And you can eat that way until about, I think 26 maybe is when I was like, oh, I'm gaining, no, maybe around Zolo's age. Yeah. I mean, and that's why about the time where I was eating McDonald's every day. It shifts at a different age for different people though.

22 is when I was eating McDonald's once a day and I was getting late for the first time. And I was like, oh, I can't do this anymore. And if you don't shift out of that way of eating. You become very fat. You turn into the doctor now patient. Yeah. So you got to get out of that.

There you go. Now you know. Crazy. But I love watching teenage boys eat. My God. Yeah. Yeah. No.

Do you think? Do you look like you're malnourished? I want that to be planned in our kitchen whenever we want to overeat. Do it again. I like that. Do you look like? That's not awkward.

That's very good food. You fat so? Yeah. You ain't going to fade away. Eating the food that belonged to the next four years. That's a tough one. That's rough. He's eating the food that belonged to the next four years.

Damn, dude. All right. Well, look, let's take a quick break. I have to make peachy. Me too. And we'll be back in a moment with our guests. So happy to welcome our guests. You know them from one of my absolute favorite podcasts

in the world. It's called Are You Garbage? It's Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Give it up. Hi. Guys. Thank you. Let me tell you.

I'm here right now to buy tickets to the Stay Trashy tour right now at rugarbage.com. So get your tickets. I would love to see this show live. You absolutely have note. I'm not exaggerating. Literally one of my favorite podcasts. Thanks, buddy.

Thank you. It's a blast to be a guest. I would do it again in a heartbeat just so you know. What a guest. And I love, I mean, I love the premise of it. How did, for people that don't know, you have guests on. You usually have comedians, sometimes actors. Yeah.

We're starting to branch out a little bit. Branch out a little bit. But everybody has a past. Everybody has how they grew up. And the premise, essentially, of the podcast is you get to know someone's background. Are you trashy or classy? Sure.

Sure. Yeah, exactly. And it's a series like, you know, you guys have questions. There's people tell stories and you jump in. They tell stories or they jump in with something else. But you get to know somebody. And it's such a fascinating. Because you kind of know what you're,

that's what I love about it. I know what I'm getting. I know what this show is about. And then you guys are, have great chemistry together. Thank you. But you basically find out, did somebody grow up? Like this. Trash hound.

You know, like a real human being. Like a Mr. Sigour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but how did, how did you even, because it's a brilliant premise. Thank you. How did you come up with it? How did it start?

So Kip and I have been, we've been friends since we both started comedy in Philly. And we became fast friends. Can be a real trash town by the way. It's a real scumbag. How dare you, sir? Animals. I've never seen human beings like this.

A lot of people wear sweatpants at five o'clock. I don't know what you're talking about. It's still one of the cities where you can just get beat up within like 30 seconds. You're just like, you got to keep your head on a swivel. Anytime you hear about unprovoked violence. And it's, you're like, yeah, that checks. If it's in Philly, you're like, that checks out.

For sure. They did something, trust me. Yeah. If you don't say thank you to somebody holding a door for you walking to O'awa, that's grounds to get popped in the face. Oh, sure. You're welcome.

And if they don't say thank you, then it's on site. Yeah, I love it. Yeah. But we both grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia. I grew up in Montgomery County. He grew up in Bucks County. He had a little more cash than I did growing up. So when we started doing road shows together

and stuff like that, we'd be in the car. And it would be, did you do this one? Like six hours at a time. Coming from like central Pennsylvania. It's like kind of like getting to know each other. Yeah. And we would just shit on each other. Did you have meatloaf?

You know, did you drink meat? Have meatloaf for dinner? Did you drink milk with pizza? That was the first one. I'm like, were you one of those weird kids that drank milk and spaghetti? He's like, yeah. Oh, I did too.

That was a murderous question. Yeah, I did too. Carpet in the bathroom, things like that. Because it tells you so much. Like it's so, it actually is so informative. And it's like, when you meet people as comics, you know, we all have a certain, there's something that's very similar about all of us.

We all have a thing that's like, we all need that approval. We all want to be accepted. We all want to be told we're, we want you, I want to make you laugh. You want to make, like we all have that. Of course. But then it's like, the differences in like, how did you become this broken person?

Yeah, it's really, really fine. If you asked somebody, did you have carpet in your bathroom when you were a kid? That tells you so many things about their parents. So now I know what your parents are like. Exactly. So now I know you were going on vacation with other members of your family

and all staying in the same room. And then you probably had an old fridge in your garage, the garage fridge. That was a big one. That was a big one. Have you had these surprise? Because I've, I've met people before, like I just met somebody who was so down to earth

and they weren't just, oh, grew up wealthy. This person grew up in one of the rare, like another tier of, like the, oh my God. Crazy. Rock a fella card. Yeah, yeah. And sometimes people like that, they reek of that. And sometimes they're so, so low key.

You're like, holy shit. Have you had someone on yet where you're like, oh wow, you grew up in like the, the upper echelon of society? Not really. We had old, no, the one guy, a buddy of ours, Francis Ellis, he was a barstool guy. You know Francis, right? He grew up with money.

He went to Princeton or yeah. Harvard. Harvard. And he's very like, where do you summer, that kind of stuff. Plays the piano. Yeah. He like looks down at snowboarders because he's a skier. Oh wow.

He only goes to mountains. Oh, that's cool. He was like, there's still four mountains that don't allow snowboards in the country. That's where I go. So it's like, yeah, we have him and he comes up, we ask him questions. He's like, the fuck are you guys talking about?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was at a stadium and I met this person. And later on that the person who I was kind of, who's introduced me to him, there was like, you know that he owns the stadium? I was like, he owns the stadium? And then they're like, he owns a bunch of them.

I go, he owns stadium? Jesus. And they're like, yeah. And then he listed like three well-known companies. He's like, he's the majority holder. And I was like, oh my God. Damn. And you just, and I met his kids and his kids were like,

super like, oh my God, it's so cool to meet you. And like, you know, just like nice. And that's like, that's when somebody is that level. They're not, they have lost all the, they're not trying to prove anything. That's real class though. That's real class. But just because you have money doesn't mean

that you're going to be classy. True. Because you could be the other side. If you're a real superficial, if you don't pit, if you treat people like you, then you're trash. You know what? Because it's interesting, I've grown up, I've grown up, trash.

And then now we're not, I'm not garbage anymore. But. Well, that's still up for debate. They'll make the decision on that. Yeah. I mean, that's a lofty statement. All right. You just saw you send the messenger to the store.

This is. Run to the store, grab me a handpanes. This is the jury. You don't decide. They decide. They decide. But what's interesting is that you're right. Because now I've known quote, garbage people,

and I've known rich people, they're supposed to be classy. And the only thing I've discovered is that rich and poor people both have family members in prison. Sure. Yes. Just for different crimes. Sure. They both do drugs.

But just different levels. Rich people get better drugs. 100%. And also like their marriages are fucked up too. And their kids fucking hate them. So it's like, same shit, different toilet. And there are. There are, I know a few people that grew up with,

I mean, like astonishing poverty who are so polite and well mannered and well groomed. In other words, like they're a classy people. Yeah. But they grew up with nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've learned that money doesn't indicate it. Yes.

And like if you do get money, because like my family grew up poor, like my parents did. And then my dad was like, you know, kind of the dirtbag contractor with like would get some money and then blow it. They would come repo the car. Oh fuck. You know what I mean? Just like that kind of shit.

So it's like you can only, you can only, you can't fully ever shake your past. You can't. It's like, and like I'll be a little bit more classy than my parents were. Right. Then my kids will be hopefully a little bit more. Sure.

But at some point, like you can't just jump generations. So what is class? Is it treating people with respect? Yeah, but it's more like choices, right? Like anything you do. All choices. Like you have a choice not to put carpet in your bathroom. Right.

You have that choice. But for some fucking reason, dirtbags make that choice. It's. It's comfy when you get out of the shower. It's got a smell so bad. I laugh so hard because I, you know, I do so many, you forget moments, but I was like scrolling. And it was when I was on your podcast.

It was just a little clip and you go, you click on anything Chinese stars. Because that is such a trashy kid. Sure, huh? Sure. Nunchucks or something. Yeah. Chinese stars are all right.

Especially when we were kids, man. Woo. They're all in a train. And I, I, I remember the real ones. You get them at like a flea market or something. Yeah. I remember that a mark. I remember that I also told you that I did.

She's taking the S-A-D's over here. Oh, I know. But I remember that I, I also told you that I did Taekwondo. Yeah. In a strip mall. In a strip mall, but I forgot to tell you that, I didn't tell you the name of my instructor. It was, it was Master Hong Kong Kim.

That was his name. He was an Italian. That was the craziest part. That was his name, dude. Real name was Vinny Chivirini. Hong Kong Kim. Look at him. That was so mean.

Man, that guy wears the gi to the bar. Oh yeah. A swap meet. If you did your school clothing shopping at a swap meet, which I did with my dad, that's garbage. And do you remember, dude karate shoes? Maybe that was just a West thing. We remember, okay, Google them.

They were like shitty cotton, and then the sole was just hard plastic. Maybe this was just a West coast thing. Like kung fu shoes, but they were white. They were like that. When you were wearing those to school, it was like fashionable. Yes.

Oh, we had kids wear wrestling sneaks. That was pretty cool. That's pretty special. That kid got hit at home for sure. Yeah, that kid had a rough childhood. He's rocking wrestling shoes as well. We're boxing gloves. Wait, so you guys are having, back to your...

So you're doing gigs, and you're having these long drives. You're having conversations, getting to know each other. And then do you kind of go, we should do this as a part? Do you figure it out? No, we had two podcasts before Are You Garbage. This is our third. And Ari was the first one to be like,

only these two fucking idiots would try a third podcast after it didn't work together. That's, oh wait, what were the first two? We did a show called the Center City Comedy Show, which was an open mic that we had when we were in Philly. And there was a larger group of us. And then we did, we started doing Hard Feelings, which was just me and him sitting in a car

bitching at each other, which now we do on the Patreon, which everybody loves, which is funny. Shout out to the greatest website of all time. Patreon. Yeah, but we started to do this more and more back and forth with each other, just shitting on each other.

And then Patreon got that steal on the wrist, is what I'm thinking. Woo! Throw in your nice watch for Mr. Seagor. Nice. Yeah, it's broken. It doesn't work. It's all right.

Looks good. Looks good. I thought you might have picked up on it. I don't want to lie. And then towards the end of doing the Center City Comedy, we had been doing it so much, and we were just like, let's play this on the podcast with the other host.

So I was like, everybody go home and look in your fridge, see what kind of mayonnaise you have, see what kind of shampoos upstairs, what kind of soap, and like root around your parents' house because I think it was right after Labor Day, so everybody was home.

Everybody went home to see their families. And we came back and we played the game and we just had so much fun with it. And then we did it a couple more times on the podcast. And then right before the pandemic, we met, we saw each other at New York Comedy Club in New York, and we were like, you know,

maybe we should make this a podcast. And then we started it right before the world shut down. I still think too, because now I think there's like every year, there's like another half a million podcasts to start, that the big thing that when we started, it's like now 11 years ago, you could be, you could go like,

I don't know, it's just us shooting the shit, right? I think you have to target something specific to stand, because if you're just like, it's just me and my buddy and we talk shit. No one gives a fuck about that. But if you actually have an actual, it's a focus on, it's about a specific thing. Those are the ones that seem to be able to stand out and pop now.

And that's what you've done with this show. Yeah, that's kind of what we, that's kind of was our intent behind it, is to have a little something to it and to try to get the questions and find out about people that you normally wouldn't find out about. Yes.

That's what we've heard. It's people are like, I've, I hadn't, I didn't think of that story for 20 years. Yeah. Like, and we used to say, you see it click in their eyes. They like, because if you go on, you, people go on a podcast,

like we play the hits of like, hey, this story, this, that, let me get into this. Well, the questions though, because the thing is like, people ask you. It's a new show. It's like very, very interesting.

People ask you like, where are you from? It's so interesting. And you go, I'm from here and like, you know, did you go to college? But like, people don't ask you like, did you use cook with margarine? Yeah. And then all of a sudden you start to go.

What the hell are you talking about? And then that, but the thing is like, it doesn't just bring up the answer. It triggers other things. Of course. Your memory starts to kind of, sorry, I had a trashy one. This might be, so have you, I don't know if you guys have also branched off

into Euro trash, because my family is Eastern European garbage. And here's a very foreigner trash thing. Royal dance cookie tins. And we have one on the table of our studio. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. It's usually a sewing kit in most houses.

Yeah. Your abuelita would use that. But then as a teenager, I would put my drugs and my cigarettes and razor blades. Sure, razor blades. And razor blades. We're later.

Okay. What the fuck? It's a real LA thing. Yeah. So, okay. Here's the big one I got to ask you. So would you say that you both grew up middle class in or lower middle class?

Like in that? I was probably middle at baseline, middle. And then there was years of upper middle. I don't know what that line is, but like we had a nice house and cars and stuff like that. And you? Lower middle and then as the 90,

at the late 90s, we started to go middle. Okay. I would say. So. This was the argument back and forth. Yeah, sure. Because he's got a little bit of upper middle class money. So we used to shit on me like I'm a dirtbag.

Yeah. Well, so my family didn't know how to spend the money. They were like lottery winners. Sure. You know what I mean? We got some money to go. This is the greatest year. And then the tax guy's like,

well, if you haven't called us yet. His Sammy would go down the shore for like a couple of weeks. We'd go down for a few days and stay in a hotel. Sure. I got you. On the bank. Now, did you, when growing up, use a washcloth?

Not really. No, there was one in the house. I didn't really use it. There was one in the house. Did you use one in the? Yeah, we had washcloths. They had washcloths. Yeah.

Your honor, this case is closed. Yeah, we've been pretty. We've been on this for years, actually. Sure. But it just came back into the conversation. Yeah, the light guys is that I'd never even heard. Or seen anybody be like, here's a washcloth for the shower. I'd never seen it until I was in college.

And some of my poorer friends, I befriended them. They would go like. Such charity work. And they'd be like, you know, I like crash at their house and they'd be giving me this little towel. I go, what the fuck is this? And they're like to washcloth. And I was like, for what?

And they're like, for the shower. And I was like, you can keep that. And then so we've been talking about it. What were you using as a kid? Just hands and soap. That's all. I'd never even heard of this. You can't scrub with that.

But here's the thing that I've been finding. I'm finding that there is a direct social economic correlation. For sure. People who grew up middle class, lower middle class, almost always use them. Almost everybody that I've spoken to that grew up upper class. They're like, never used that. It's funny because I just started getting back into them.

But now you're getting Lufas and shit. No, I just I went through a Lufa stage. Yeah. You know what I mean? The little scrunchie balls. They're great. Anyway, when other things hit. I suggest adding washcloth to the.

Did you use the washcloth? Oh, yes. And I I feel like you're going to find a direct correlation to. Someone's upbringing. Yes, with that. I think it's a big reveal. Were you a washcloth family? Fuck no.

No. No. No, it's not. I don't know. I mean, we were trash, but we weren't that bad. I feel like. I thought that was nice. We said that that's where the line is.

But do you know what I think it's disgusting? Is the reusing element of. That's what I don't like. I don't know. We had one washcloth for the whole family. Dude, I mean, there was other ones. There was other ones. It's already wet.

But that was just in the cycle of the towels. Yeah. And when the towels got washed. Yeah. Then the washcloth got washed. It's disgusting. Yeah. Well, people ask me.

They're like, well, what did you do? Like, did you guys share a bar of soap? I'm like, yeah. And I put it in my ass. And then my sister would put it on her face. I don't give a shit. Self cleansing. It's soap.

Yeah, soap. Yeah. No, we didn't do that. What kind of soap were you using? Irish spring grown up. I still love that. Yeah, I'll still use it. You're looking down on washcloth people. That's the trashiest one.

You got a lot of nerve. What about toothpaste? The garbage is, I think, is aquafresh. That's what I use, girl. I was hot for a minute, though. You always try to make that swirl, didn't you? Try to get that swirl going. That was all right.

What's the garbage's toothpaste? Well, it wasn't aquafresh because that was fancy in my house. My mom wasn't paying. There was a lot of foreign colors behind it. When I hit the scene, you were like, what I'm using? The scene. The trashiest overall. But I thought it was fucking fantastic,

but couldn't have been good for you. It was something called close-up. Do you remember close-up? Oh, yeah. Because they had their marketing. Their marketing was about kissing. Yeah. That was the whole marketing for close-up.

To get it right. To get it right. Close-up was just always couples kissing. I make sense. Yeah, we had that. I was using it as a kid. You're like, I'm going to get laid. Yeah, yeah.

Close-up. Yeah. Got an eight-year-old. Mom, let me get that hairspray. What about? Aim is really bad. I think it's all an aim is bad. And then the shampoo, what is it?

Like VO5 or whatever? I still like VO5. What? And I still use Tracime Conditioner and Shampoo. That shit's like $3, dude. That was like Tracime. Tracime. Tracime.

Tracime. It's not Mexican. I think Tracime. Tracime. Dude, I grew up in LA. It's Tracime. Homie. Shit.

Tortilla flavored shampoo. I told you, man. Hey, I'm garbage. The store car is going to be like through the roof. You remember Swab Strawberry? Fuck yeah, dog. I had that too. That smelled so good.

And White Rain. White Rain is ultimate to me. I don't know what garbage. Cologne? Of Cologne. Yeah. Oh, yeah, of course. Dracar.

Yeah. Yeah, that was tough. We were a stetson. Charlie, you're late at the eighth grade dance, dude. My dad, my stepdad was a cowboy. Eight grade Dracar, you were like, I'm fucking in. Dracar Obsession. I was big on CK1, CK1.

Cullo Sport was big. Any pulled out of the polo was nice. But I would argue that what's the red one that I liked? The Bear Glove? Old Spice? Old Spice. Isn't that kind of an OG garbage? That is.

Yeah. But man, when your dad had a little bit of that on. Old Spice had this Brute too. Brute. Brute was bad. My dad was a Brute guy. That was garbage though. My stepdad was stetson.

It was a tough household. Old Spice. Brute was a real fucking star. You buy that at right-aiding shit, dude. That's not even fucking. Old Spice had a really fascinating rebranding. They did. Where they were like, you're like, that's trashy.

It was like your dad's stuff. And then it's like, cool, funny. Well, because you used the Bear Glove as a joke. Because my friend sent it to you. And I love it on you. It smells really good. Yeah. Yeah.

They did. I use women's now. I like women's razors. Women's is the best. Women's is deodorant. It's like a baby powder base. If you get disposable raiders, get women's. Secret.

So much better. Yeah. Or because they're curved a little bit. And they also have the natural. They have the natural, like a women's razor, a disposable razor has the natural like, they put that cream and softy stuff. Yeah.

It's so much nicer on your skin. Soft it up a little bit. Wait, hold on. You were saying that you use women's deodorant. So you use secret. Which flavor of secret? It's not a flavor, but. It is deodorant.

I like having some of the original after dinner. Yeah, whatever. It could be powder fresh. Yeah. Like the standard one. That or the Dove. Dove makes the good one. Dove cucumber slaps.

Women's deodorant is so much stronger than men's. It's crazy. Because we sweat more or more. We're more hormonal, I think. It's like putting spackle under there. I know. It's so good. Where do you think this guy would go?

That's my jam. That's my OG shit. Oh, Dove is fantastic. It's the best. It's the best. Where do you think this guy would go for? Justin, I really like your videos. And I hope you continue to do them and me being blind.

Please, I'd appreciate you doing them to where I can hear. And I'd like you to turn the recorder on when you go into the bathroom. And let me hear you undo your belt, pull your pants down, set the toilet seat down, and sit down and do a good stream of pee in the water and a good shit. And for me, since I can't see,

if you could describe what it looks like in the toilet. Okay, buddy, yours? That's my friend Brian. I mean, that's tough. You can't fetish him, though. That's his problem. No, that's what he likes. Yeah, I mean, it's not the only thing he likes.

Just a fun thing. You know, let's keep the recorder on from the beginning to the end when you flush the toilet. Okay, okay, he's good at this. Is there any who? Thanks. Where was I? Did you happen to catch blue bloods last night?

Yeah, he's fit. He's got a whole series of these. And he tells people like... My name is Bob. I have viewed your explosive diarrhea video in the past. I'm just curious to know where that was at. I am a white person. Sounded like a stadium bathroom.

My computer has speech on it so that it reads text to me. So anytime I get emails, anytime I go to a web page and anything that has to do with text... That was that. He's there all. I'll give him that. But I love that he gives out all his information. He's like, please reach out.

And then he goes... When he signs off, he's like... The interest is nowhere you live. Just trying to make friends. I've seen a lot of videos on here, shit videos. Some are good. And you know, I don't know what the percentage is, but there's a lot that is not good quality.

Or you know, there's a lot of talking in the background, laughing, whatnot, and you can't hear anything. And I like the ones where you can hear stuff. And I'm just curious to know what prompts people to do the things that they do. Sure. I'm also into aviation videos. They go hand in hand.

Well-rounded, yeah. Yeah, so... How do I get my face shit on and model trains? But what's interesting is he goes deep. He goes deep. It's not enough to just hear the video. I want to know what you ate, where you shit, what goes into it, who you are as a person.

I'm looking for friends. Like, it's so bizarre, because usually in sexual fetish, it's depersonalized. But he really takes it to a new level. I could blow this guy's mind. I could blow his mind. I got what you need, brother. I got what you need.

I'll tell you the whole story. Woo! Yeah. Yeah. That's all right. You might scare him straight, dude. You know what? Never mind, missionary, with the lights off.

That's what you like. That's what you want. Do you have that? It's like, when you were a kid, and you had to smoke the whole pack of cigarettes. Okay, you're going to sit there and listen to the whole week in dumps. He's like, this guy turned my whole thing off. He might re-gim a hard reset, dude. Oh, my God.

He can see it again after I get down with him. What was I thinking? Geez. Do you want to... Oh, fuck, dude. So, Christina, you just learned that there's a difference between cheetahs and leopards? Yeah. I think it might be fun for everyone to see if they can...

Oh, fuck. Yeah? I might not be great at this. Yeah, I'm gonna eat it. Yeah, I guess even better. Yeah. Who's the thing? I didn't know...

I'm very dumb. I'm very dumb, too. I'm dumb on regular things, like people should know. Did you know what a lovo... What's it called? A lavono? Yeah. Do you know what a lavono is?

A lavono? Is she saying it right? Am I saying it right? I did say trace-a-may. Do you know what a lavono is? Huh? A lenovo? Oh, a lenovo.

A lenovo. Is it a... It's like a... Can you say it in a sense? It's a lenovo. It's not a lenovo. Yes. Yes.

Oh, it's one word. No, no, no. You're right. It's a... A singular lenovo. Yeah. What a singular lenovo is. Isn't it a computer brand?

Okay. Yeah. And that's... Really? It's a very cheap computer brand. He doesn't know. You don't know. No.

He hasn't had a computer in 20 years. I thought it was a South Korean car company. They got that new SUV coming after Kia. Oh, no. They've been Kia. They're always going... Yeah. Hey, I got a Kia.

Yeah. Okay, so on the last episode, I revealed that I'm not sure I truly know the difference between cheetahs and leopards. Okay. So all I would say is that don't yell it out. Sure, sure. Let her try to decide. I already forgot the difference.

Okay. Don't peek over me. I've already forgotten. I don't fucking know. Let's see if you can... Just see me if you can tell. What am I looking for, a cheetah? Just tell me.

I forget. Well, do you think a cheetah or a leopard is basically... I think that's a cheetah. Okay. Because I learned they're faster and the spots are different. The leopards got the circle around the dot. That's a leopard. Okay.

Wait, am I retarded? Just go for it. That should be your next podcast. Am I retarded? That's available on Patreon. You can have people like me on. Like, what's the difference between a cheetah and a leopard? Wait, are you sure or unsure now?

Well, I'm unsure because that thing looks super fast. Well, there's not like a slow one. They're all fast. No, but we learned that one of them was super fast because of their hind hips. Do you know what it is? You didn't know that cheetahs were... That was like their selling point as a kid.

Don't care. Here's the thing. Just growing up, I just didn't care. And now I care. You're a station away razor blade. Yeah, I just fucked up. So what's your mode on this? I'm worried about animals.

What is this? Hold on. It's pretty fast. Okay, I think... He looks really fast. And I'm only... Shit. That's a leopard.

Okay. That's a cheetah because look at those haunches. Oh, fuck. Yeah, that's a good one. That one's tough, but it's still got a meaty hind quarter. Yeah. So... My face is dope.

I'm going to go cheetah. Okay. That's a leopard. That's your mom. Shit. That was all fucking hard and shit. It looked like some of those faster normals and they're not. Yeah.

That's the leopard. Okay. Do you guys... Did you agree? Did you disagree? I think I agreed. I think in my head, I think she had it pretty well. I think she got most of them.

Maybe one she missed. Okay, can I tell you? You got them all right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I almost panicked. Okay, I'm not totally R-worded. All right.

Thank God. Yeah, good job. Bleh. Bleh. You did a really good job. Yeah. We're all proud of you. I didn't know that the black leopards or the panther had those spots.

You just can't really see them that well. I didn't know that. Yeah, it's pretty sick when you look at them up close. They actually have... They have the spots, but you just... Old black leopards have spots? Look at that. How sick is that?

Oh, wow. That's sick. Shit. Oh, no, that thing will get you. Oh, that thing will get you. No, the funny thing is black leopards, you can approach. You can go up to them. You can pet their heads and everything.

Stop. No, I'm serious. I don't know. I wouldn't recommend that. If you ever see one, you can go... You can go feeding like this. You can get like a squirrel. You just go like, here you go.

Who's feeding squirrels? Yeah. We feed them sometimes, too. Yeah. We're used to New York City squirrels, which are like... Crescent. Yeah, you can't... You can't...

They'll steal your wallet. Yeah, they don't play. Yeah. Where does French bread peeds at rank? Stoffers? One of my favorite things in New York. That was one of the... Bonnet's Trashy.

So trash. That was the classier... Yes. One of the classier frozen pizza options, though. What's the garbage? As a dirtbag kid... Yeah. As a dirtbag kid,

French bread pizza was just a little out of reach. It was a little bit in Paris. Yeah. Oh, but okay, so like the shittiest of all the frozen pizzas is... I'm going to go Mama Celeste. That's up there. That's up there.

Because the cheese was not even cheese. It was just plastic. And then the worst are the balls of meat that were on them on the Supreme. Any like those really small individual ones, they sell it to Dollar Store. That's not, that's not great. We were an Elios family.

Yeah. That's how we rolled. What? East Coast, West Coast, very different. I don't even think I had that brand. Whoa. I'll still crush one. Oh.

Oh, I know. Okay. Okay. Frozen meals. I'm not your teacher, by the way. I'm sorry. I was like, okay. I just had...

I'm like, can I tell her not to... Yeah. I'm such a garbage. Um, the horrible most of the frozen dinners, budget gourmet. Oh, I don't know that. But it doesn't sound great. They were a tough look.

They were up there with Dinty Moore. Yeah, Dinty Moore. What about Salisbury steak? I feel like that's the trashiest of all the frozen dinners. Swanson Salisbury steak and the Swanson meals back in the day. So good. We're pretty low rent, but they were great. The thing about frozen Salisbury steak is there's like a...

God, I love it. A quiet implication that you're fancy for being frozen. You know? Yeah. That's the... Yeah, we got you some steak. Like a hockey puck. Yeah.

Like, yeah. It fucking sucks. Yeah. The real nice ones were like the lean cuisine. Lean cuisine. My mom would have those. Yeah. She always wanted them.

I would eat it. She was those for her only? She's like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That same with the French bread pizza. Yeah. That was after a long day. Yeah.

You know what I mean? God, there was a premium on those. You were talking about eating after you get back from school. Yes. I would crush like two lean cuisine ravioli treats. Oh, yeah. And then my mom would come home like, what do you want for dinner?

And I'm like, anything. Yeah. I would drink her... Slim fat. The Slim Fat. Like there was a soda. I didn't know. I would drink the Slim Fat.

And eat pretzels. Are those pretty good? Yeah. That's just so good. It's great. They'll get your head on straight. I like post school cereal. Like going home.

Sure. Any time of the day. I like mixing it up, too. Because we'd always have like a half a box of rice crispies, half a box of rice checks or something like that. And I'd mix them all up together. That's dangerous. Do my own thing.

My family wouldn't buy Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Really? Yeah, they would. But my neighbor would. I would go over there. And then the big payoff was just drinking the milk at the end. Yeah. It was just sugary milk.

My mom wouldn't buy any sugar cereal. She would buy Frosted Flakes. But they would be the off brand. Literally, they were called Frosted Flakes. You were really poor. They're called what? Frosted Flakes or something like that. Fisted Flakes.

Yeah. It was like Tony, the homeless guy, was on the box. Oh, my god. But any time she got sugar cereal, we would eat it. Like when she got back from the store, she would freak out. I just bought that. You ain't the whole goddamn box. Of course.

So she wouldn't get it. Oh, my god. Dude, what about Kraft Shaky Cheese? That was a premium. I'm shaking. Yeah. My family still uses it. No need to refrigerate.

Yeah. She loves it. And we'll have the hot sun. We'll have the fresh. The fresh parm? Sliced. And she'll reach for Shaky Cheese over that. I'm like, wow.

I don't mind it. All that. The cheese, the meats and cheeses, my wife's German. So that's just introduced to me in my late 20s of like, you don't buy Shaky Cheese. You get a chunk of Parmesan and shredded yourself. Are you guys doing, what's the snack situation now at the house, like for the kids and you guys?

So I keep my kids trash. She is fucked. First of all. Respect. Kraft macaroni and cheese only. I don't fuck with no Annie's organic. I'd like to keep them OS. How about Velvita?

Annie's ain't bad. I like the bread. Velvita, if you had a little cage. Velvita to me, because I think it was so fancy growing up that I still feel like that's a premium product that I don't deserve in my life. So I won't buy it. Velvita shells.

Who could afford that? Who's coming to dinner with that? What? Yeah, and the ambassador's coming over. Oh, here's how I keep them trashies. Fuck smoked sausage link or pigs in a blanket. You're talking about little smokies? Hell yeah.

They'll share a farm with them. Yeah, but she'll also take your face to eat them. Slice them and then put them on the pan. On the pan. So they kind of crisp up. That's nice. I do that. Yeah, I do that.

That's my move. Smoked sausage. Put them at like the size of like a quarter. Yeah. Yeah. There's a pattern around your house, I would assume, right? In the kitchen, you got a pantry, you walk in.

Yeah, that's real nice. Oreo cookies. She didn't ask about a pool. That's all right. Yeah. You've got pantry snacks, right? Yeah, that's a good pantry. Cheez-Its, I believe, are a premium too.

Those were really. They still are. It's a great brand. They know what they're doing. So you have cheez-Its at the house with the kids? I have cheez-Its at the house. Oreo cookies. Mac and cheese.

Oreos. Mac and cheese. You do goldfish? Goldfish? Of course. And those were premium when I was a kid, so I feel like my kids are really living now. This is kind of a study in like behavior,

because like the oldest, he's seven. Kid has access to a lot of stuff. He literally will be like, you know, I want the snack, sometimes takes, I don't know, three or four bites. He's like, I'm good. That's crazy. And just leaves them. So you're like, wow, giving a kid the option to eat stuff.

You know, he doesn't want just bad food all the time. Hold on. Tom has a very secret white trash inclination. Because you came out classy. You came out classy. You came out classy. Also, do you know we framed, you wrote down what the dinner, what you spent on the dinner and we framed it.

It's on our set. It's on our set. It's on our new set. It's on our new set. We show it off when people come over. I should have taken a look at Mr. Sigour. I don't know if I was specific enough about this, though, that it wasn't just like, how much for this dinner?

No, yeah, yeah, yeah. We should like, we got to shut down a really like a crazy restaurant and essentially throw an event. It was like an event. Do you know what the closest number was to that? What? 750 bucks. We almost threw them out of the studio.

Who was that? I can't remember. It was somebody. It might have been David Cross. Shout out to him. No, no, it wasn't. It was somebody with a little bit of panache, too. Yeah.

And they're like a spin. Spit at them. I said, get out of my house. Get out the panche. We pulled the thing. Are you seeing this? Go home and clean yourself up, you dirtbag. Rub their nose in it.

So here's Tom's secret, secret trash inclination. And I only buy this for him because no one else eats his shit house. I'm actually curious right now. I don't know what you're about to say. You remember, dude? I'm trying to remember. American cheese. Oh, I love.

Well, here's the thing. I don't eat slices, but nothing is better on a burger for me than American cheese. Got to be. Sure. Are you doing craft singles? Craft singles, craft singles. From the deli.

Like, when you get a pound of American cheese. Because that's great, too. Craft singles. I didn't do that. I wouldn't ever do that. Craft singles. Deli? Craft is the only brand that exists.

I didn't know you could buy American cheese other than you. You don't cook at a pound of American, pound of turkey? Blaze a buffalo or so. Never. I get bummed when, even though I've had, you know, countless burgers with cheddar, whatever you have, American on a burger. It is really good. I love it.

I love it. So good. So good. But it's not a bra. Craft singles are awesome. Yeah. You know, what usually stinks is when they put cheddar on it. It's like, get the fuck out of here.

Yeah. You want something a little salty, sweet. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you know, chemical flavor. I was speaking a little bit. Speaking of burgers, when you, right, will you cut your burger in half? Normally no.

Normally no. Normally no. I mean, I've done it before, but I would say 90% of the time. So let's say you're eating your burger, right? You pick it up. You take a bite. Do you put it back down that? Or do you invert it and put it on the top?

Oh, good. I have done it, but I'm going with majority. Majority down. Straight back down. Straight down. There's a, people invert it. You can invert it. That would be, to me, the classier way of life.

It is a classier because what happens is those juices are soaked. So on the bottom. And the bottom bun is the smaller bun. I've done that in the case where I like, I think I sense it. You're going to fall apart. So then I do it. But I'd say most of the time I go down. OK.

Hold on. I have another trash inclination that my husband probably forgot to mention. Please. When he eats French fries. Oh. Oh boy. He dips them in mayonnaise and ketchup.

It's very European. The frogs do. The frogs do it all the time. But life does it too. My entire life. That was anti-American Tommy Bullshit about dipping in mayonnaise. And then I did it once. It's great.

I'd been lied to my entire life. The swirl, if you ever swirl it together, you're mixed them together. You guys are disgusting. You know what I mean? If you go, give me red and white. That's what everybody's doing. All these remnants, all that bullshit.

It's just a little bit of mayonnaise. It's Thousand Island. You know what I'm saying? It's great. My dad's favorite salad dressing. He would make it if he came home late. Right. And he would have to make his own dinner.

He would take mayonnaise, ketchup, a little splash of Worcestershire sauce and some Parmesan cheese. And whip that up. Put that on a salad. Oh, wow. Couple of croutons on there. Good night. Good night.

Is that Russian dressing? Similar. Dirt bag. Did your dad, because my dad, I don't remember if I told you this or not. That's American dressing right there. That's American. Shit, homie.

When you're a kid, you do what your parents would do. So he would make steaks, serve them, and then give you A1 sauce. So A1 was just standard. Big A1. I didn't know until I was, I don't know, probably in college or something, that A1 is basically to mask a shittier steak.

Sure. That if you're getting like, so I didn't, and as I discovered, I was like, oh yeah, the steak with its seasoning is supposed to be, if it's good, you're tasting that. Otherwise, you're just tasting A1. Dude, I took this guy, a fucking five star steak. I mean, this is a $200 steak.

And he'd be like, do you have A1? And one time, one time I was like, Hey there, kid, grab me some ketchup, will you? Dude, we're at this Argentine restaurant. That's like Argentina's, you know, Texas, right? So it's all, it's just steaks. It's nothing but steak. Steaks and milk.

And they go, yeah, exactly. So the server is like, okay. And then a different guy comes out of the back, who's in street clothes like me. And he goes, is there a problem? And my dad's like, what's that? And he's like, is there a problem with the meat? And he's like, no.

And he's like, you want A1? And my dad goes, yeah. And he goes, you want to ruin the meat? That would petrify me. And I was like, like this? And my dad goes, yeah. And he didn't even, he was like, just dastic. Yeah, they're not even phased by it.

Towards the end of his life. Because I would work on this. I would take him to like these amazing restaurants. I'd be like, I would go, could you do me one favor? I could get whatever you want. Will you take one bite without that shit on it? He'd start to do it. And then one time, you know, he gets this like fucking,

I don't know what it is, like some crazy bone-in rib eye or wagyu, and he takes it. He goes, guess what? This doesn't even need A1. I was like, wow. Yeah, $50 an ounce of fucking shit. That's pretty cool, man. A big trash determination.

Do you guys remember when Montreal Steak Seasoning came into your life? No, bro. I remember the night it happened. You remember the night it happened? Yeah. Like you lost your virginity. Yeah.

A hundred percent. Everything would make marinated chicken in it and blew my fucking tits off. This is a regional thing, you guys. This is not a West. Did you have this in the Dove? Angelino's in the booth? I never fucked with this stuff.

Really? Listen, when you leave here, stop and grab something. Do you? Do your life for a while. That's the move, huh? That's the move. It's a real dirtbag. I mean, we thought we were fucking.

I remember getting people like, everything was salt and pepper. And then I remember basically, I don't know, probably in my 20s, having that first friend that like was into barbecuing and grilling, who discovered seasoning things, like really, because now it's become this huge industry. And you go like, holy, and you learn

that it was just a little bit of this. A little bit of that. Yeah. You know, it was, that was, but I don't remember specifically Montreal steak seasoning. Oh, wow. How do you get your steak cooked? That's another big thing.

That's a big thing. That's a huge one. What are you doing? I'm medium rare. Medium rare. Gentlemen. Medium. Yeah.

Because I'm still distrustful of the man. She's like, I want to enjoy a little bit. Now let me ask you this. That's just mediums or anything over medium stuff. It's terrible. Yeah, you can't. Terrible. This is a couple's thing.

Sure. What do you do when you go out to dinner together and you get the porterhouse? Are you conceding to her and getting medium for her? No. No, I'll go his way. But I'll eat the ends. She will, surely?

Because those things are never, it's never quite equally cooked. Yeah, so there'll be, there'll be rarer pieces in the middle. You want to hear one. This is wild. Dave Oken, shout out to Dave O. The greatest tour manager on God's,

he's my tour manager. He's amazing. Just on top of everything. Nose production, nose, just, he runs the show. He just did this crazy 300 show tour with me. This guy, everywhere, we've gone to like world class restaurants on this tour. He eats his steak.

He says, butterfly it? No. Wow. Well done. Wow. So he wants it split and then cook the shit out of it. We were at, we were in Argentina at Don Julio. One of like the premier, like the destination places

to go to Buenos Aires. And we go there and it's a whole show and it's just like this unbelievable, and I always tease him. We always tease him. He's always like, you sometimes when we're in a steakhouse and he goes, butterfly it?

Well done. They'll be like, what was that? And he's like, burn it. And they're like, okay. And we're in this place where the guy's like, not really speaking English that well. And he's like telling him, he's like, I like, I was like, cut it like this in two.

And the guy comes back and he puts it on his plate and Dave cuts it. And he goes, not enough. And I thought he was doing a bit. I thought he was doing a bit. I was like, and the guy's like, enjoy. And he's like, no, no, no. Put it back on the grill.

And the guy was like, what? And he's like, he's like, put it back. And I told him, I was like explaining to the guy. I go, no, he wants it more. And he goes, yeah, it's too, too much. But here's the thing. There's always a story. Because I was like, why do you like it?

That's an emotional thing. Yeah. Why do you like it this cooked, right? He's like, make it beef jerky. And I'm like, why? Get a burger. As a kid, his father like basically just barely seared, bleeding like almost raw meat.

And that's the origin for him wanting it. Complete opposite. The complete opposite. That makes sense. There's always a story, you know. Yeah. Can I say this though? Yeah.

A steak like that, which I've had. Yeah. Yeah. Ketchup's all right on it. Yeah, I have sure. If it's that cooked, you pull a catchy on it. But here's the thing. When you're wet, you're wet.

It's raining. Who gets you on it? Yeah, exactly. A little high in there is bacon. Here's the thing. They're already making fun of you in the kitchen. If your solution is like, let's get some ketchup for this, you're already, you fail.

Yeah, you're fucked. You're fucked. Yeah. Yeah. You know. It's a little manning than that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that's actually the thing with the fries, that's the class of your move. Thank you. The manning. It is. I don't know how you say, je ne sais quoi about mixing the mayonnaise.

But what you're saying is true that I think it's changed with the times. They're growing up in the 80s. That was tantamount to moving to Russia, the Soviet Union. Oh, you'd be put on a list if you did that. Yeah. But now it's the times have changed. The off-brand Hawaiian punch is known as Tahitian treat. I didn't even know that was off-brand.

I thought that was its own brand. Yeah, I thought that was its own thing. That's the reason I want to go to Tahiti is because of that drink. That's trash, OK? Tahitian treat is supposed to be fucking Hawaiian punch, but it's like the shittier one. It's like the dollar store version. I used to get it at the bodegas in college.

I mean, this is garbage. Did you guys go to college in Philly? I went to temple, yeah. You did go to temple, OK. I went just outside of Philly. OK. Two years. OK.

I don't have my associates. You guys both graduated college? Yeah. You did? Yeah, but I went to the only school that accepted me. You'd never heard of it. It's called Lenore Rine in North Carolina, and she actually went to a real.

Yeah, but I barely got in. Where'd you go? University of San Francisco. But I got in on academic probation. They only let me take 12 units the first semester. Like, barely. I didn't I didn't crack a thousand on my SATs. That's another big question.

Really? Good for you. Yeah, because SATs. I did. I got an 870. Yeah. That's like what I got. 870. Did you?

I'm pretty sure around there. I couldn't go to the University of San Francisco with that. Yeah. But my grades were decent. Did you have decent grades? No. No, they were bad. So my senior year, I did really good,

because I was in something called social lab, where he only went to school for half of the day. He had other kids in helms. You had an internship. Jesus, really? Yeah. That's cool. It was awesome.

My rest of the course was a teacher. Born to be a dirtbag. Why were you in the lab? Well, it was an actual laboratory. They just called it. Why? Why half days? Because you were supposed to do an internship

in the afternoon. And you didn't, or you did? For like a week, I worked at Merrill Lynch. You did? And I interned at Merrill Lynch in college. No, sorry. It was actually a pay. It wasn't an internship.

I was like the top broker's assistant, and I did it for like, I don't know, three to six months. I was running the analytics department. Were you really? No, not at all. They had me doing some stupid stuff. And then my boy, my buddy was there with me,

and we were like, this sucks. I don't want to do this for the rest of the year. Senior year, you know what I mean? And he remembered that his uncle had a construction company. So we talked to our teachers, like we think we want to maybe get in a construction after high school. So we went to his uncle and was like, yo.

And the uncle was like, here's the deal. I'll see you guys in the spring. And just went back in the spring and signed our paperwork. Just went fishing every day, dropped acid, hung out, and it was awesome. It was awesome. That's amazing. Dude, leaving school at 11.

That's amazing. Good night. As a senior. Oh, coming back for football practice in the games. And you spent the day chilling? Chilling, yeah. Chilling. Wow.

That's pretty rad. You really figured it out. It's amazing. He's made every wrong decision in his life. It all worked out, though. Yeah. We're sitting here with you guys. Yeah, of course, of course.

But anytime he's faced with like, the fork in the road, he always goes the wrong way, dude. Every single fucking time. That's why you're a comic. Yeah, every single time. Take the road with more ketchup on it. Yeah. And now you know to add mayonnaise.

That's the great thing. Yeah, that's a sweet. The French do French fries on a different level, Thomas. Yeah. And also, have you had basted fries? There's a way to prepare them. I don't know. Google basted fries, where I had the best French fry I've

ever had. And I was like, why is this so perfect? And they're like, they're basted. Could have been cooked in like duck fat or something like that. It's a certain, I don't know, look for an actual recipe. Like, I hit a recipe on basted French fries. Because the way that they describe at a restaurant,

I was like, they just broke a certain, you know what I mean? They had like a certain texture to them. Love that. And I was like, this is just too good. Well, you mean like double fried or something? I love beer battered for a beer battered fry. Can I say something? I hate beer battered onion rings more than life.

I fucking hate beer battered. Wait, I like the hard ones, like the shitty ones from Carl's Jr. That's not beer battered. I like crumbs. You don't like the beer batter. Because it's too fluffy and it's always too oily and shit. Yeah, it doesn't hold together.

Yeah. Onion rings got to be eaten within the first like a minute of getting drunk. But what's this? Sure gives you diarrhea. Like, what's an automatic? Breakfast this morning did for me. Yeah.

Yeah. It's been a rough day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was it, what was it about? Was it greasy? Was it oily? I think greasy. There were some peppers in there.

You know, if you want to get in there. Did you have talks? What's talks? Tacos. No, it was hash, you know, some eggs and hash or something. At the airport? No, it was here at the hotel. I can hang with any pattern.

You can hang with most things. It's got to be, there's got to be an element of food poisoning in it. Oh, really? Yeah. So oil and grease won't do it. Nah. You'll still be normal after that?

Nah. He's like a shark. Not rock solid. Yeah. Wow. Which I don't mind a little food poisoning every once in a while. It's all right. Look at this.

Look at the step on these base of fries. Drain the fries, patry, dip into batter one at a time. So I guess they're battering. Oh. Yeah. Really incredible. That's all right. Yeah, Don.

I was French, you know what they're doing, man. There's a hotel, I won a states in Lexington, Kentucky, that is the best French fry I've ever had. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was exceptional. For a while it was Wendy's.

Wendy's had the best fries for a while. How about Hardee's? Didn't they have the curly one? They really had hardies. Arby's had the curly fries. You're talking communism. Arby's is great. What?

You're talking Wendy's? You said fucking Wendy's has the best French fry? Oh, it's at a time. At a time. Oh, well, knowing McDonald's is a golden surprise. Dave Thomas is a proud American. What are you talking about? You never heard nobody.

You thought the kids. Those two girls were whores. Everybody knew. You would take a Wendy's fry over at McDonald's? No, not now. Not now. Wendy's had their time. They had their time.

They had a run. They had a run. We were talking about this last night, the Wendy's salad bar that had the spaghetti and the tacos. Uh-huh. Oh, wow. Pizza Hut Buffet also had a great talk. Did you guys have Pizza Hut Buffet?

Yeah, for a minute. I remember that. That was, no. What's your go-to delivery pizza? Like chain like that? Yeah, chain. This is, we got into a real big fight with Stavros about this. Oh, I love him.

There was a time. I have my go-to all about it. As of now, right now, it's Domino's is the best doing it. Pizza Hut had their time, had their run. They set the curve. They've dropped the ball completely. Listen, there was nothing better than walking in with Pizza Hut in the 80s or the 90s and sitting down,

hitting the salad bar, getting a hot pizza brought over. You're having an ice cold Coca-Cola out of those red cups. Yeah. But. The fountain drink slapped at the Pizza Hut. The orange soda was tight. Those big red glasses. The crushed ice.

OK, what about round table? Did you guys have round table pizza? I don't know. That was dog shit. The sauce was extra sweet, but it was really good. It was like, I hated Papa John's when that dropped. That shit sucked. Did you guys have the place that had the pizza

and had the organ player who would play any song you wanted to play as a kid? What the fuck? Yeah, I had that. That's crazy. Is that a change? Yeah, it was when I was a kid, we would go. An organ player.

Yeah, there was an organ player. And you could be like, play the Star Wars theme. And he'd be like, all right. He'd just play that for you. And then if it was your birthday, he'd do a happy birthday. But he would play theme songs and things that any kid would want to request.

Chucky cheese or something? No, but it wasn't a Chucky Cheese. It was one of the shittier knockoffs. Pizza and pipes? Remembering the dining fad of pizza and pipes. Oh, oh, so that was a thing. That was only Illinois, Wisconsin. That's cool.

I would have loved that as a kid. That sounds amazing. Oh, that looks amazing. That was pretty fun. That was pretty sweet. That's tough. He was up on stage? That's like a dinner theater.

Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, it was like, so if you're a kid, you would just be like, you know, play the Transformers fucking song. And then. I dig. Play it again. Run it back. What'd I say?

To the thing when Darth Vader walks in. Play that. You didn't know the name of anything. What? Play Layla, but just the end. What was the go-to, like, fine dining, not fine dining, casual dining? Bro.

Between an Applebee's, a Friday's. Oh, man. Sizzler. Sizzler. Malibu chicken. Sizzler. So, so, so good. I don't even know what it is.

Malibu chicken. Malibu chicken. My dad fucking loved Fridays. For sure. And so, Fridays, Applebee's, they do a good job. He would always say that. They do a good job. Fridays is great too.

And he loved, when Chili's came out, he was like, this is kind of high end. Like, Chili's. That was ethnic for my family. You're a Chili's. Yeah. Fnack. This is American to Fahedas.

I remember one time, like, meeting them on the road, and I was like, they're like, you want to meet at Chili's? I go, you know what? Why don't you have dinner on your own? I was like, I don't want to go to fuck. I was so over the repetition of these places, I was like, why don't we just find like a good spot to eat? And they were like, what's wrong with that?

I was like, it's not that it's wrong. I'm just like, we're in another city. Like, there's options here. Let's go find a fucking place to eat. And they're like, I don't know. They don't get it. No. And he was like, what was it?

It was, was it Applebee's or Fridays? They do the really good. He goes, the Jack Daniels chicken and shrimp. Chili's. That's Friday's. That's Friday. He's like, Friday's. That's a dad order, by the way.

You have to have multiple children to order that. The Jack Daniels sauce? Yeah. He goes, I love the Jack Daniels sauce. And he's like, you know, they give you a good amount of shrimp, too, and the price is like $18. That's $7.99. When the surf and turf is steak and shrimp. They're shrimp and chicken.

Well, here's the problem with Sizzler is that the steak and all you can eat shrimp was the highlight, but it was expensive. It wasn't a cheap night out to do Sizzler's. Or you can eat steak and fried shrimp. Yeah, the fried shrimp were so good. They're showing the commercial them falling on the plate. Do you want to prepare them? You want to mentally prepare them for what they're going to do here?

I know. Oh, yeah. So are you guys familiar with the abtik talk? Are you on there? Yes. So what I like to do, I don't curate the marginalized communities. Sure. The people whose voices aren't heard.

I'm aware, yeah. Yeah, you're aware. I don't know if you're familiar with my work. So these are my curations. So any way that you feel is OK. Just know that. Yeah, you're supposed to. These are usually an emotional ride.

I haven't seen these. They're all picked by her and we just, I don't know. Let's just start. Let's go first role. I'm going to talk about relationship privilege. My husband and I are in a non-monogamous marriage. We have been for 12 years. I'm almost 13.

We're currently in Mumbai staying in this beautiful apartment overlooking one of the poorest areas in the city. I'm feeling incredibly privileged at this moment. When people ask about couples' privilege in Pali Amri, they're often referring to a person dating a married couple. But it can be anyone dating someone else who's part of a primary relationship. It also often refers to couples trying to date a third person

or trying to date a uniform. I'm so confused. I've never seen it together. But it's definitely a question that we get pretty often. And my first response is always, yes, I have couples' privilege. My husband and I share finances, have two kids together, share a home together.

Being in a primary relationship is something that we want for ourselves. And it's also how we feel like we give the most ability to our children. And I don't apologize for that relationship style. It's what works for us. And we're always very clear to someone who's interested in dating us

that we are in a hierarchical relationship and that's something that they're not okay with. The 100% respect that. Exhausting. Exhaust. She's just broadening it out somehow. Yeah. Yeah.

We can stop. I don't think we can stop. Thank you. It's unbearable. It's Christ. So this is what I'm saying. Sometimes you watch this and you want to kill yourself. She fucking stinks, dude.

The worst. But no wonder he's trying to be in an open relationship. He's like, please. I got to fuck someone. 13 years with her? Jesus Christ. Fucking throw myself off that balcony. Zip it, lady.

You are fucking stinks. I want to move to the poorest part of this poor country. You're like begging other dudes, we get it. We don't need the speech. Yeah, the speech is like, just do it. Yeah. And like the amount of rationalization that has to go on for them to continue this lifestyle, like bitch,

just like your husband just wants to fuck other broads. Yeah. So stop trying to like rationalize it. There's so much rationalization. Oh boy, I already know what this next one is. This guy, fucking A. I love this guy. I do not look like Bill Gates, okay?

Stop telling me I look like Bill Gates. I do not look like Bill Gates. It's not Bill Gates. I wish I had his money though. Man, it looks like a crazy math teacher. What's with that angle? That's the first question. That's why he's on the show.

He knows what's with that angle. This is also the second in his I Am Not Bill Gates series, the first one he just did in the dark. He doesn't even look like him that much. No, like if you were like who does he look like, I would have been in there. No, but it's also great people, like people who are not social media savvy.

Sure. Don't figure out that when you go, stop doing that, that people go, okay, I'll do this more. Like that's always the formula. I could maybe say it a little bit. The glance, I mean if you're asking me. It's like when people, I don't know,

they see you like with a beard and they go like, you look like Zach Galifianakis. And you're like, okay. Yeah. Like I have a beard and they're like, that's good. You know, they just think of somebody they know. Sure. It has one quality that you have.

I get Bobby Moynihan a lot. Okay, yeah, sure. He did a little bit of core workout today. And Lila brought us three-minute arm routine. And believe me, that's three minutes of hard work. Nine sets of arm exercises in three minutes. Yeah. I forgot the word armed during his arm exercise pitch.

I like the shitter cam angle. That angle is it. And he always has to end with like, yeah. I want to know who he thinks he's talking to. Well, now he's talking to a lot of people at the moment. He didn't think he was going to be this. He really lucked out. It's definitely for chicks.

This is for female approval. Because the workout brag, it can serve many functions. It can serve to signal other alpha males in the area. But it really, in this one, it's chicks. He's trying to get chicks. And I agree the angle is preposterous. He should be outdoors. I get it.

I don't want to say I don't get it. What he's doing is he wants the dopamine hit of someone being like, you look good. You look good. Or alike, or the whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. That's what's going on.

But at least he's got some time. I mean, he has no definition in his arms. And he's bragging about his fucking arms. He's in good shape, though. But he did core today. Today was an armed day. He's no Bill Gates. It is core day, he said.

Yeah. Shut up, Chris. Good afternoon, TikTok. It's raining out there. Look at that. But not like California. But we're going to get my head cut today when I get off of work.

I love the white right here. However, I don't like the blonde. But that blonde right there is what used to be red. And now it's growing in. I can't. Growing in silver. So I'm either going to cut the blonde. What's she going to do?

I'm going to cut the blonde. I'm going to cut the blonde. I'm going to cut the blonde. I'm either going to cut the blonde. What's she going to do? This is a very specific lane of TikTok. Which is like, I have no idea how to entertain. I'm just going to list things.

There was milk today. And yeah, it's raining outside. I don't know what color I want in my hair. I just, later on I have to go pick up my kit. Just rambling, I'm a mad man. I bet if you asked every kid in that school that she's driving the bus for, they would say she's the best bus driver.

Probably awesome. She's rad. Probably give them candy bars at the end of the year. They got her on TikTok. You're going to get on TikTok. They probably told her, yeah. That's a good point. I mean, this has another fucking 40 seconds to this.

Sometimes you just need a flavoring. You don't need the whole thing. What is wrong with that tune? It's fucking killing me. Why is it so much bigger than the others? What do you think? I do want about that much. There's another thing that's fascinating about

some people who don't realize, this reads like a conversation. You're like, oh, where's the other side of this? I'm thinking, should I cut it here? You're like, oh, there's no one. Are you setting this to one person? There he is. It started over again.

You missed the point. This is so good. The places this guy's in is weird. That opening smile is giving me shivers. It's the worst. That's the last thing you see before you get stuffed in a pool or something. Right?

All right, you take care now. That guy's got bodies on him. I really want to wrestle tonight. How many thermostats are on the wall? But I'm going to do it. What? What? He really wants to wrestle tonight.

His back hurts, but he's still going to do it. But he says it like this. He goes, my back hurts. I'm still going to do it. Who's he wrestling? That's the question. I need the Undertaker. No.

My back hurts. But I'm going to do it. Dude, I met the Undertaker last week. No shit. Yeah, I went to his house. What? Yeah, and he was the nicest fucking guy. We're morphing into the same person.

What? That was adorable. We spent too much time together. The nicest fucking guy I've ever met. There's a lot of velvet in there. Dude, no. Does it like how you would picture the Undertaker's house? It's pretty fucking amazing.

Yeah. It's amazing. A couple of bucks on him. Oh, yeah. That was all right. No, yeah, dude. Yeah. It's an impressive place, but it was just to check out a piece of workout equipment.

I was like, I'm buying this workout. And I was like, I don't know if I want to use this. Can you get this? He's like, well, we make one. Like one of the guys was like, I make, he goes, I go, I'd like to try it before I commit to buying it. He goes, why don't you go over to Mark's house? I was like, all right.

Mark has one. He goes, then he texts me. He's like, hey, Mark this time. And I was like, what's up, man? And then he goes, oh, just so you know, you know, Mark is the Undertaker. I'm going to Undertaker's house. Shit. And I went to his house and he was like, he's like, hey, what's up?

But like from on the driveway. And I was like, hey, man. I was like, yeah, I didn't know. I got a text that I'm going to the Undertaker's house. He goes, I'm the Undertaker. Like just like, you know, some characters. Yeah. Yeah.

And he couldn't have been nicer. Yeah. He seems awesome. Yeah. I mean, pretty down the earth and pretty. I mean, You'd have to be. Genuinely.

Yeah. Genuinely. It's a hard way to make a living. It wasn't like, here's the thing. He was just like, hang out. You know, just like, it was super, super. Did you hang out for a little bit? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. He was like, I mean, he was such a genuine. They're like comic. Totally. Because they start off as kind of nobody's getting one match every month or two months or a lot of travel. Dude, he was telling me about the era when he was doing 250 matches.

Like days of matches a year. Jesus. That. And like how his body. Back in the day, they used to not even be televised. They would just go like Wednesday to like Tulsa and do a show. Forever until he had more juice, it was twos, doubles. They do two matches a day.

So he'd do the whole thing and then you just like have a beer and a steak and then like do it again. God damn. Like do the whole thing just like us. Just like do another show. To the point he was like, I'm gonna do singles. That's awesome. But he was super, super sweet guy.

Damn. What is the most important law in the universe? You may not date your friend's ex. That is all. That's a great rule. Yeah. This guy is doing a series of stuff like fuck your spreadsheet. Who gives a shit you're going to die calling sick to work.

I don't even believe that's his real accent, by the way. It sounds fake. It's real dialed up. Yeah. He's hamming it up. That is a good rule though. Don't fuck your friend's ex. I even had in college a guy who I like we were friends and then we kind of like weren't

like and his ex came over to my place one night and just put it on me. Like put it fully on me. He's horny. And I was fucking 20 years old. Sure. But I'm saying it wasn't like I think I could like she just went for it. And I said no because he's my friend. It's a great guy.

And he's like I didn't even fucking like him anymore. And I was like I guess it would be too much to deal with. Another guy had the same opportunity with the same girl and did. And it you know. Where's that guy? I want to do that guy's podcast. Yeah. You're really dabbling in.

Oh yeah, this is a hot topic for you guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What do you fuck your ex? Sure. Endors dating for seven years. Oh that all right.

Well but that has turned into something then. Sure yeah. Him and my girl dated for a couple of months. Casual whatever. Okay. It's not like they hooked up or anything. Son of a bitch. And then you know we fell in love and we've been together ever since.

I mean but that's. Sure. It's not the same example. Sure. I thought he put it in her ass. I swear I've known this guy for 20 years and we do he's always been like you know I just wasn't a big dater and then we turn on these mics and he's like this fucking whore. I just told a story about how I didn't do something.

It's true. I feel like it counts though getting proposition. You couldn't even tell me. What? What would the story have been? One time this beautiful girl with a tightest little hole came over. Oh my god. Threw it at me.

Begging for it. All right. I'm going to puke. All right. One last one before we wrap this up. Okay. What is that? For fuck's sake.

There he is. I had a cold for two weeks and then I had my eyes examined yesterday. They put that weird stuff in and it makes me sick for a couple of days. Thanks for the update. A little bit of a workout today. Somebody get this guy a fucking tripod please. What the fuck? I'm still waiting to hear from the promoters.

What? Hold on. I got to hear this thing. What? Yeah. The ankle is like. Put that weird stuff in and it makes me sick for a couple of days. But I still got a little bit of a workout today.

Little by little we got to build back up. Wrestling matches should be coming up soon. Oh the wrestling. Oh he's actually a wrestling wrestler. And he's like I'm still waiting to hear from promoters though. Like I've sent my tapes in and no one has called. The deal man is that I watch his life and he's like I fed the cows today. I fed the sheep.

Like I think he lives on a farm. Really? This is his work. He's doing these from his office. But I'm like wrestling. I guess it's like amateur in the neighborhood. Yeah like backyard local wrestling. Because he's like a rural kind of guy.

David Cole 7135 who doesn't look like Bill Gates. But the angle. Oh it's crazy. It is the taking of shit. I wonder what his age is. When did you get the idea for Microsoft? How did that come about? He should wrestle on their Bill Gates now.

That should be his. Bill Gates. Or Billy Gates. You know just throw a little. Badass Billy Gates. I have trouble with my spreadsheet. Billy the Doss Gates. Alright.

Go see RU Garbage right now. Buy tickets to the Stay Trashy Tour at RUgarbage.com. Make sure you go and download and subscribe. Watch on YouTube RU Garbage. It is such an entertaining podcast. And of course. Thanks buddy. Of course get it on the Patreon.

The greatest website in the whole wide world. Pain of bills baby. Pain of bills. And that's it. Thank you guys for coming. Thank you for coming. This has been awesome. And Christina we can't wait to have you on.

Dude it's happening. It's happening. I'm here in New York. I'm going to come in a day early just to dedicate the time for you guys. I think we all already know the verdict. But you should definitely go on. Bring your razor blade. Got it.

I have no problem swallowing. Okay. You come. You come. Let me see. Let me see how much you come. Let me see all that stuff. Okay.

Well. You just let me have it right now. I need it. I need it right now. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Ooh. Oh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Oh. Ooh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Ooh. Oh. Oh. Ooh.

Ooh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oooh. What a pig Norm Summerton is I am a pig I love my titties

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