Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Joe Rogan-282-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: February 25, 2015

Powerful. Today we wear our strength jeans as the leader in podcasting/comedy/fitness and fighting, our Godfather, Joe Rogan finally joins the Moms. We hit it all: The philosophy behind giving, farting, teeth, Tom or Black and what it takes to become A REAL MAN. Joe weighs in on it all, from Biggie vs Beatles to the OG Would You Rather. This is an episode you're going to love and wear around as you collect denim for the long winter.   

listen up there's some good news and there's some bad news we had to make a special announcement on top of this episode just to let you know here's the great news for us and hopefully for you that you wear your jeans up high and that is that your two mothers have a pilot that has been ordered for us to do television show very exciting it's great we're really happy and you know having this show has been a big part of it so it's great news what sucks to announce is that we have to cancel some live podcast dates coming up so we're really bummed about it and we just wanted to make that announcement in the

episode you will hear us plug these live podcasts and the only one that we can still do is Cobbs in San Francisco on March 15th we are unable we have to cancel Brooklyn Boston and future ones that I even know have been announced yet in Texas but here's the thing you'll get a hundred percent full refund and we're not saying that we'll never do these or we won't reschedule them it's just that with our current schedule with our already we have our stand-up dates those are all remaining and with this production schedule kind of going into effect for us right now we need to have the free the free time as much as we can

so leaving additional weekends is just not helping us out yeah so we apologize to you guys in Brooklyn and Boston we really wanted to come and again I just want to make it really clear you'll get a hundred percent refund on your tickets if you already have them and San Francisco we're still able to come that's a Sunday it's an easy commute for us so we're coming up March 15th 15th to do the podcast there and stand-up dates are still intact they're all in sorry guys but we you know it's to work on a TV show featuring your mothers and it's a show about us and you know hopefully it'll be better for everybody in the

long run sorry guys sorry Brooklyn sorry Boston sorry guys we love you we'll still come to your wonderful cities and sure we'll make it up to you guys eventually let's get to some business what you got real quick one other thing that's fantastically exciting the new FIFO shirt has hit the store when you go to your mom's house podcast.com go to shop any shirt that you click on will take you to our actual online store so even if you don't see it up there right now we're having our our web people at it because brand new shirt if you click on any other shirt it'll take you to the store that's at a store

merchandise and the FIFO shirt is there that is new because Theo we went to the DMV we changed his name his driver's license change it's now FIFO the shirt is straight hot fire and there's also the you know what I mean talking about you know I'm saying shirt that some of you I realized that wasn't at the store but we're very excited that they have the new merch there and there'll be new clips added this week as well ladies and gentlemen this episode has been a long time coming and it's finally here we're so excited to present it to you because the great godfather of podcasting the dictator the chairman of the board the

president and CEO of podcasting and muscle and fitness Joe Rogan is our guest we hope you liked the episode again many apologies to Brooklyn and Boston we will be we will come back we will see you guys it's just you know it's one of those things that we feel terribly but it's an awesome opportunity for us yeah yeah so show business guys yeah thanks change show business we're still gonna be your mom's same old geez yep same shit different toilet I know yeah but it's exciting all right this is such a fun episode we had the best time with Joe Rogan we talked we talked important stuff I got I got way like I

got corny and cheesy and I'm okay I'm a little embarrassed about how I talked to you're sincere I'm a dork yeah you're good but we got way silly with Joe ridiculous yeah and we had the best time we talked about this like days after we recorded it because it was so much fun to record it really was yeah all right I like it enjoy yeah you know we're talking about farts a lot right you know okay all right this is a long time coming it's finally happened it's so exciting 16 years in the making Joe Rogan is here very exciting let's get through our our business real quick jeans where are you this is it's already

a pass come see me at the DC improv March 5th through 8th and then the jeans machine and I are doing your mom's house live at Cobb's comedy club on the 15th of March in man friend disco mm-hmm and I think that's as far as I want to go well 327 March 27 yeah we're in Brooklyn and then the 20 and the 28th we're at TT Beans in Boston TT Bears TT Beans that's the coffee place so here's my schedule if you're in Hattiesburg Mississippi I'm there the 27th Lafayette that's sold out Louisiana the 28th punchline Atlanta Georgia March 3rd Jacksonville Florida March 4th and West Palm Beach March 5th and Ventura

comedy club March 11th all the tickets are at Tom Segura comm I would promote Joe Rogan's dates but they're all sold out every single one for four years so don't get any tickets no you can try go to his website Joe Rogan net net and good fucking luck try to buy a ticket yeah so check out the sites and go to your mom's house podcast comm you can see all the clips from the shows shop through the Amazon banner and that is yeah oh and listen to that's deep bro this week my guest is Andy Haynes and we talk about recovery and the 12 steps yeah and last week did you have Ian last week Ian Edwards yes last week he we

talked about quitting yeah quit a job which is pretty cool all right I've quit many jobs you were quit a job job yeah what's the last job yeah what's the last one shit the last job probably limo driver stop it yeah last job job actual no that was in Boston yeah that was the last job I had actual job I had and you do you remember quitting like was it a yeah I just stopped going I did that once you know that you know what I did once too is I stopped going and then like a couple days later I was like I called I was like can I come in there you already quit like yeah no no but I now I realize that I need I need the

money I had a guy that worked at the limo office that actually checked up on me because I they wanted you to work more than eight hours a day the way they had this thing they they you know there was this guy that worked there and he was a nice guy but he's like this older guy that was he used to drive a Cadillac and yeah it was he was a sad character he had like a Boston College bumper sticker on his Cadillac and then one of the kids who worked there was like did you go to Boston College was no no I'm just a fan like you just a fan of like the football team you like root for the football I thought you meant of academia I don't

know definitely not literature he was a moron but they would use him as an example I don't remember the guy's name but they would like you know Mike over here you know he doesn't have to bust his ass you know he makes $60,000 a year you know it was this whole thing like you could be like Mike Mike was just a dead man he's a dead man that just drove a car like he worked 16 hours a day the guy was there every day all day long and that's what they wanted from you they wanted you to work all day long and I told him I had a gig so something happened like the gig got switched and so he he called the place that I was at

and said yeah I called that place you're supposed to be at last night and you weren't there and I go look first of all I go I worked eight hours he was that's not much for around here and that's not much and I go look I don't give a fuck about around here I go second of all I switched gigs with somebody else I was supposed to be there and I switched it and I want to be in another place call that place yeah you know I go and look I don't when I'm done here I'm done you don't get to tell me what I do on my off time and we this me and this dispatch guy he was like one of those dream killers yes I've had those I had a boss

tell me I was in college I worked at Department of Public Safety and I was like I can't wait to graduate so I can wear like cool clothes all four you know I'll be able to have money to buy cool clothes and wear them to my job and he's like you'll never have a job where you can wear cool clothes and I made sure to thank that guy on my new album go fuck yourself yeah I found the job this guy was a big-time dream killer people thrive on dream killer they'd like but especially if they're stuck in a job you're working for them you're out there chasing something it's never gonna happen yeah never gonna make it yeah

told you yeah you can be like Mike what 16 hours a day never boss in college bumper stick I didn't know what that what they expect from drivers we have a regular driver who takes us to the airport for you know all our airport runs and back and he owns a few vehicles and he's like always looking for new like Uber driver guys to drive his other vehicles and he was like yes some these guys don't want to work and I go wait what do you mean he goes well you know when you start off when you're driving for Uber if you really want to make it you know what I tell him is I'm like get up at four and you know kind of

just get out there get your turn your device on and you know make your so you're getting hits and then I go and then when you done he goes well you're just you know you're not really done you know like so just in your car he's not really done yeah yeah and he goes he goes I slept in this thing for like first like few months that I was oh just nap in here I'm like oh my god you can't ask somebody that's so unhealthy yeah you just you're like kill your immune system for a few dollars go ahead yeah no it's pretty brutal people need time off you know that's a huge problem with our culture I was just I was that's on

here something to bring up with you really time piddling time is what I call it time to just chill out around and just do nothing because if it can't commodify what you're doing you know like hobbies people used to have hobbies and shit but now if like well if I can't get to Carnegie Hall why am I gonna play the piano like no thanks for fun yeah enjoy your time yeah and that's what people miss out on life they or some people you know you don't enjoy your time you everything is spent pursuing something and you realize like this life you have a certain amount of hours in this life and you're using them all up

chasing something that doesn't exist like success is not it's not meaningful if you don't enjoy it if you're working 17 18 hours a day and you have this giant house that you're never in what's the point it's pointless it's pointless but you go hard you're a hard worker I sleep hard too though dude yeah I fucking I put down time is hard too yeah my up times hard my down times are so you build in in your life like down week or down yeah couple days I think weeks off I just do nothing that's the best what do you do what's your jam I mean I like work out or something I'll just go to the movies I'll lay around watch hunting shows all

stupid shit you recharge your batteries yeah I'm a big believer in down I like I don't feel guilty about taking time I used to my therapist was like cut that shit out because you're not enjoying it you're not enjoying your life and like you said you can have everything you want but you're not enjoying it what do you know the thing is like what do you actually want what do you really what people really want it's like friendship and love and yeah and fun and like we we're lucky that we get that kind of stuff from our work yeah like when we go do gigs like we're getting friendship and fun and love from work a lot of

people don't a lot of people their work is dreary you know and they just can't wait for Miller time yeah that's true off it's off very true but even when you work hard at something if you even if you love it you got to take time off you know with everything with working out with comedy with anything you do just gotta be down you appreciate it more yeah like I took last week off stand up and then when I went on stage after a week off I was so excited yeah I was like so jazzed up forward to it like I hadn't taken time off more than like a day or two and like since I recorded my last special like I went hard for like

five six months to get ready for that special I was doing Tuesday nights I was doing some Monday nights Sunday nights I was doing at least five nights a week and multiple sets at night just doing the improv then doing the store and then doing the ice house I was just all over the place so taking a week off was like but I felt great you know went skiing hung out with the kids the other thing is if you do stand up like I had to figure out that if you just go like gig gig gig gig gig then you actually do not have anything to talk about after a while right you're like yeah so I was in Pittsburgh last week you guys know about

airports I've been in some airports yeah yeah you have to have experiences and you have to have you have to have things enter your mind yeah you know you have to read things you have to watch things you have to see things have to happen yeah yeah you do all right we have to do our official we haven't even started the show this is our this is the special jargon episode though I mean come on we have our opening a clip and then the show open and it's all gonna start right about now why are you getting so many fights why do I get so many fights I like it I like it I swear to god I like it

you know and I tell you what you might be a big dude but right there is where my mama got killed at and I tell you what there ain't nobody bigger than me you Yeah, yeah, I need something explained to me. What's that? What's with the jeans? Totally in the dark about this high and tight I keep hearing it. I see it on Twitter. Yeah, I see this on the poster the high That was my favorite yeah, this is that's the best we get asked quite a bit. All right, so what happened?

It's it's basically the evolution of a pet name that then became just a word that means everything Basically, it's everything man. It's like years ago You know how everything is everything yes everything genes, okay, so basically like it's like, you know It's just like We live together and we would we would like jokingly be like I'm leaving the house now. I go I'm leaving so bye mommy Yeah, so it was mommy and then both of your mommy. Yeah. Well. Yes. Yeah, we're mommies to yeah Yeah, that's nothing to do with gender. Okay. Yeah, so then Mommy then became like mommy jeans and mom jeans and mommy jeans

And then it became like a nickname like hey jeans like just Like you might just be just jeans just jeans cuz Joe jeans doesn't sound like yeah, it doesn't flow So it was like a gene and then it became Like are you living like do you live a high and tight lifestyle? Are you or because If if not if you're not if you're lame then your genes are low and loose. Oh I mean

The last one is the best one because it's simply You know I'm saying you know I'm saying I do I understand what he's saying We have a lot of you know, I'm saying we're really into we've been stuck like we like them You know I'm saying and then lately we've been really getting into vocal fry vocal fry, you know vocal fry is no So it's sort of it's a phenomena that has really exploded especially the last 10 years and a lot of the blame They're putting on like the Kardashian girls the Kardashian girls So it's like it's elongating like the end of your word didn't Pauli shore start that Right, yeah, it's it's basically like when you stretch

deep vocal cord so Yeah, it's like That's so like girls do it and you know young teens have a trouble getting fucked and They I don't know And so they're crying I mean this girl has vocal fry right here It's just a whore hates it when men try to label

Yeah, that's it It's indicative of annoying people which then the blame is correct It's like you know what it is you don't have any respect for someone's attention span Yeah, so you feel like they should be listening to you. You're being indulgent and you're just talking It's like men are like totally into me. So it's like I can just talk Yeah Ink whatever and stuff You're right. You'd nailed it. Exactly nailed it

They don't have appreciation for people's attention span because they don't have to because men are just hovering ready to just leap down Yeah, shove it in there shove it in that or mouth. Yeah Rearrange those fucking vocal cords for you. Yeah, are you guys aware? There's a thing that people in the tech industry do that I started noticing but apparently there's a word for it now I started noticing and talking about a few years ago There's a way that they talk people in the tech sector have a very specific way of talking about things There's an up-down sort of thing But it's very I

There's these two guys that I made my wife like listen listen watch CP I made my wife. I'm like, this is what I was talking about and these two guys were talking Well real estate right now in the Pacific policies is like particularly pricey and like and she's like, oh shit Yes, that's what I'm talking about. I go these guys are do. Yeah, they're like Doing an act and this act is like what they think the successful tech guy Talk, right? It's their culture. It's their vernacular and see the reason that they blame the Kardashians is like They have such a fan base of like girls who like I want to be like that So then they start to imitate

When you two do it, it's way more fun. Yeah, it's like That's what yeah, it's like I'm so tired and the guy's trying to label me Truth is I know way more than I think I do I love girls know way more than I think that's like my favorite type of person. Yeah, well, she this girl in particular She sounds kind of like a scientist I was gonna say like a lot of data. I was gonna say that she worked for NASA. She is this is this is this is this was recorded at Langley. This is Space one I know more than you think I do. I know Elon Musk is full name

Muscles for them Hmm But it really does mean because you're trying to Align yourself with the socioeconomic group like is not what that is like you're aligning yourself with the Kardashians of the world You're saying like I want to sound like that. Yes, because I value what that right? Whatever that it is the to be that culture. I'm gonna mimic it Weird thing when they imitate atmospheres like they imitate act like I grew up in Boston and Boston has a very disgusting at Accent you have it. Yes, I had it and then I heard myself on television and I killed it mostly it comes out a little bit

When I drink but yeah when I was 19 I was on television for this Taekwondo tournament thing for the Bay State games and I heard myself on TV and I was like, oh my No idea. I was like, well, yeah, we were training really had No, had had was it hard to drop at all? Yeah, and I don't know I would I would say not hard because it wasn't like I trained for a marathon or anything Right, right, right, but you had a cut. I just had to be aware think about it Yeah, you had to be aware of it, right? I was I wasn't aware until I heard it I think there's a lot of like weird quirks that people have like one of the things that I noticed listening to podcast is

That I will say certain things too much like like or you know like like and you know those are bad ones Yeah, or like if you hear bad stand up someone says fuck too much Fucking I'm like fucking guys fucking thing. Yeah, like occasionally. It's funny when someone does that because it like Punctuates or it also it emphasizes frustration. Yes, you over fuck if you're like fucking fucking girl Jesus fucking like sometimes that's funny but then like in Boston they used to have this thing called the fuck meter and Comics used to bring this up all the time because they were real craftsmen like growing up in Boston and doing stand up there The guys who are really good there. They had a really good sense of what what worked and what didn't work

And one of the big ones was don't say fuck too much like don't not say it You don't have to not say it But if you say it too much you kill when you're saying you kill the meaning of it you say it too much And then when you say it it doesn't have the impact that it should have totally. Yeah, so I think Listening to yourself doing podcast or listening to yourself doing stand up. You can get a good sense of like what's annoying about you Yeah, I've caught myself in the middle of talking on stage and just been like I'm I'm doing it in my head I'm going you just said fuck 13 times. Yeah, yeah in two sentences. You know, yeah, it can get rough Yeah, especially when someone's panicking

See them tailspinning and they over fuck. Oh, I've done that when you're working something new out and you're like I don't want to think of a word. I'll just say fuck a lot. Yeah to me it substitutes real words And that's what it does. It's like your episode you're trying to get by There's a a gong Because you said fuck too many times The fuck gong This has a good echo that listen That's actually good kind of a gun going through the table into the mic and plus this room has kind of an echo

We sort of an effect to it He's a genius do you listen to your stand up? Yeah, well, I should say I record everything Yeah every set I don't listen nearly as much as I should I do find that like it's it's funny Where the sets where I go like oh, I gotta listen to that because of this thing then like I don't listen that night But that but the next day when I'm about to do the set I remember what it is. I wanted to listen to you know I mean I remember like the thing that I wanted to listen to yeah, and then I go Oh, I remember what I said, so I don't need to listen to it, but I should listen much more

It's a good it's it's part of the job that a lot of people don't like to yeah But I love about new phones is that phones are Bluetooth up to your car Yeah, so when I'm driving I listen to it on the way to a gig so I could listen to music and just bullshit Yeah, or I can listen to the set and do some work in there. Yeah Don't proactive I love it especially right now. I'm in new material mode Yeah, now it's like, you know, I'm doing theaters and all these things I'm putting together a whole new hour I just did one in November, so it's like It's just this frantic

search for Things they're interesting you just she just came out with a new album like a month ago Yeah, I'm similar thing isn't it funny how like a lot of friends are in the similar thing at the same time It's almost like we're all having our period Because you know, it's like it's so common that Everybody sort of does there's things at the same time or within in a series That's true bird did his and I did mine or I did mine before his I'm not sure which would happen But mine came out before his and then his came out and we're all in the same thing

Yeah, Louis CK just did his at the store Ari. Yeah, Ari just did his at the store, you know, it's like all that Happens kind of together and then everybody's in the same cycle of like new shit I like the new shit phase because there is a point where you're like, I can't say this shit anymore Mm-hmm. This needs to go somewhere because I'm so bored hearing myself do it So but on the other hand those jokes become samurai Weapons they get folded down and punchline after punchline and tag after tag clean clean clean Fucking red hot steel and it just gets Into the water and it just becomes just laser sharp and just

And then you start out with a raw hunk of iron big stupid crude Goofy ass fucking hunk of metal you're gonna start from scratch with a shit I feel like the best of like one of the most fun There's nothing like having your hour really sharp But there's also nothing like when your your new hour isn't totally sharp yet But it's like all new and it all works like it's not perfect yet. Yeah, that's like exciting That's the fine tune it find the bells and the whistles. Yeah, yeah

Well creating things, you know, yeah more exciting for sure than having something that's already done Yeah, you know be in the process of watching a girl like what every time I have a new line or a new joke or a new premise It's like so invigorating like everything's crackling with all this energy. Yeah, it's the best. Yeah, greatest gig ever We're so lucky. So lucky. Oh my god beyond it's the greatest gig and when when you when it hits You're actually making people feel better like they feel better. They get excited. They saw you you killed they feel good Yeah, they they associate you do you fucking kill that was that was such a good time My stomach was hurting, you know, it's like that's a beautiful job. It really is magic, dude It's like it's like your comedy is on fleek. You know I'm saying what's fleek

It's just it's on fleek man, you know Is it high and tight Is your comedy high and tight a hundred percent a hundred percent All on jeans are your are your brows on fleek, you're broken. I do not know what that means Well, I gotta say this if you're not gonna play then Apparently Yeah from Bay We're nerds because we were like saying that we didn't know this and we just got bombarded with I mean I could show you

It's like a thousand emails and tweets like how do you not know? Yeah fleek you just on fleek and Bay It's all just like, you know, I heard Bay. What is Bay? I've seen that on I will occasionally follow I'll go on a Twitter trail. Yes, I'll see someone that post someone something and then someone who posts a really stupid response And I immediately go right to their page. I'm like this guy's got some other stupid shit to say Yes, and then you see the people they're interacting with you like oh Christ. Let me click on this one. Yeah. Oh good Lord I went down someone made a I don't know if you're aware, but I love Obama is a hashtag And the I love Obama hashtag got hijacked by people hate Obama Oh, right, and it became it like Cosby's meme idea

Make a meme well that was more disastrous. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because Obama didn't do that Right did have a hashtag and then all these like right-wing Chuck Waller mostly racists. Yeah, that's cool. Attack so crazy Oh, so it was fascinating but going to their Twitter page and then seeing people who's every day all day I mean you look at their tweets like a one o'clock in the afternoon 4 p.m. 7 30 p.m. 9 p.m. 11 p.m. 10 in the morning It's all anti-Obama like Jesus fucking Christ like your day is spent obsessing about someone you're most likely never gonna meet Yeah, and it's about what fucking Syria or some shit some place. You're never gonna go like well

They work at their craft to Joe. I mean I work out that is their craft their crafty cunts there Yeah, there you go And if you don't have to think about how shitty your life is you can you know put that in the Twitter all that energy instead of doing you Oh, yeah, you worry. Have you heard of black Twitter black Twitter? Yeah. No Tom do you want to explain? What's black? Okay? You're the aficionado. No, it's just it's just a it's a hashtag that kind of You know, I guess let's Black people interact, you know with other black people. Yeah, it's just like this is our own thing You know, and then it's where you can pick up on I don't know like you like well not just slang

It'll be just about like, you know, like I said, it could be like a conversation You want to just start a conversation about either? You know something black themed black culture or or you know, it could be about It could be something social. It could be about a movie It could be just a conversation for the hashtag black Twitter Black Twitter yeah, yeah, okay, just a new thing check that I'm into that now now that I'm hip with the kids And I know the lingo with the kids boo. Yeah, and you know boo. Yeah is pretty old super old super late We can't say that anymore People apparently not I saw I saw an article on Huffington Post is definitely out. Oh Huffington Post said boo. Yeah, it's out

It's way out. Then it's in if they say it's out. It's in. Oh, okay Salon comm says it's out. You double up on it Yeah, okay, this is like, you know, I mean I'm looking at black Twitter right now It says every time black Twitter has arguments, I'm going to be like, you know Black Twitter has a new enemy Amber want it. I don't know. It's just I don't know. There's just like conversations going on man. All right. I might get involved Yeah, I'm gonna get involved and I'm gonna start hashtag black Twitter. Just just to find out just to start something Just to see what's up. Hey guys. What's happening black Twitter? Hey folks. Look, I love black people

I'm not one of them, but I mean I'm fully in support. What are you guys? You want to let me in on some cool shit? It's for like a lot of black themed conversations. Yes, which I like I like the black themed I like black people reality shows. I like the lingo. I'm down a black listener also tweeted Yes, that the reason this is a better explanation the reason that we're not on Point with our slang is because we're not on black Twitter. So she's like you need to get on black Twitter. There you go So bae is before anyone else. So it's like your your main squeeze like your wife And then by Felicia's from Friday, it's like when you want to blow somebody off. You're all by Felicia And then eyebrow eyebrows are on fleek. I got that from Timon Roberts

My brow guy, it's not just about brows. I didn't think it'd be on fleek anything can be up, but Pacifica Pacifica Lee, right? It's eyebrows eyebrow game. It's all fleek. You think also we received We received some tweets about road beef and Listen guys, it's not road beef. No, it's road beef road be like Road be like pussy. Yeah. Yeah when you're on the road that road beef that you know, okay road beef. Yeah Yeah, I'm not beef. That's like a combination of like two different eras. Yeah, you're mashing together Yeah, it is right. It's beef is so old. Yeah Man like to see her beaver. It is dirty

Yeah, how about if you could have like a chart of like the amount of times that beaver has been said in reference to a woman's Vagina over the past like few decades. You would see a steep decrease Yeah, what is it now because the but the slang is always evolving like what do people call it now post post coach Yeah Cook in that put cook in the post. It's pussy is just that's all universal though. Yeah, it is universal It's it's it's one of those things that just is never going away. It's evergreen. Yeah, it's just like Yeah, it's like sling and dick. Yeah, no one's ever gonna stop say sling and dick sling and dick Yes, it's good. It's kind of I like I like grinding dicks, too

That was that was Johnny V. Yeah, Johnny V a guy I worked with years ago He him and his brother shared a studio apartment. He's straight. His brother's gay. He's like I'll be like How is your night like brother had his boyfriend over their grind and decks all night? They're in a studio apartment. He's trying to sleep and his brother's butt fucking. Yeah, like a foot away foot away Oh god, and it's his own brother. It's yeah, he's just like doing the pillow over in the I Fucking you tips. Can you both just come already again? Yeah, you know, we heard this like ten years ago

Yeah, this is one of those things that stuck in my head for ten years Here's the way like that. You're like fucking grinding dicks, bro. Oh tough. Yeah, that is tough right grinding dicks and his name was Johnny volatile and Yeah, you're like that's a crazy name and he pulls out his ID. It's Johnny volatile. You're like, what the fuck and he's like Yeah, I changed it. I'm like, I guess so Why is like I don't like my name. What did it used to be? I'm a volatile motherfucker I'm trying to catch some Z's and niggas be grinding dicks

My face Yeah, Johnny V man and his brother changed his name to something. I don't remember it, but it was something like Nick Chaos Yeah, this is the guy that was grinding this grinder Chaos that is a tight name for hitting the gay clubs. I'm sure yeah, my name Nick. Okay, so your ID out It's almost you know, it almost makes you realize that like Nick might be A real man. Oh, this is that book you told me about. Yep. Oh How good is that book? Well, you have what let me just explain to the folks at home. Yeah, Tommy has

Maybe 20 or 30 post-its Stuck on all these different pages that highlight these very important passages copious notes. The book is called the real man By Julian Ray. Did anybody someone give you this? How did you come upon this? Julian Ray gave this book. Where where did this take place in Hong Kong? Hong Kong. I was in Hong Kong It was up before our first show there was on a little tour with Pete Lee and Chad Daniels We went over there right before our first show Guy comes up to us hands us a book each one of us

Welcome to Hong Kong. We're like, thanks, man. And then we're like, what the fuck is this? And Little book I wrote and then I'm like, all right And the thing is kind of create there's a lot of craziness. Could you describe the cover though? Yeah, the cover It's a it's a very It's a much younger looking I don't know if he wrote this 40 years ago because he doesn't look like that Does this did you put this on your Instagram yet? Yes. Yes. I need to put it online

Your face there, dude Okay, put that up later. So So ridiculous like there Like first of all, like the font is enormous. Oh, well, maybe can see so good Yeah, then he does this thing that I've only seen in mag You know when you're reading a magazine and an article and it'll have I don't know the technical term but it'll have a highlight of the article bigger and In bolder print, you know, like a quote or something or a statement from the article itself

Highlights he does this in his book, which is it's an interesting thing because You'll be reading the book and then you'll see like a highlighted point. Yeah, and then right below it You'll read that again Just the phrase twice. Yeah, maybe he only reads magazines Oh That's oh, that's a really good point. There's a lot. Yeah, I'll explain a lot. The font is enormous Involved the classy publication. They take very pertinent words and they highlight those Don't let everybody know this is important things. You should read this part. That's exactly that's that guy's voice totally

But it's critical very critical. What did the guy sound like when he talked to him that? No, he was pretty like mild, you know, like subdued personality and the photo makes him look like let me see the photo again about 35 maybe so what does he look like in real life 58? Something like that's him when you know the first time he ever saw a raging bull. I mean look at look at the skin The skin is like shiny dewy, you know clean and he's in a suit. He's also he's not you know He's looking off to the side Very important the real man. He's here's a couple of highlights a real man has charismatic charm And he just tells you

Basically Be charismatic, but there's no explanation. Like it's just like have that quality Just do that do more of that see successful people do what they do. Yeah, okay, that's this book This book is like do what that guy's doing. Do I read it? Yes. Yes. Yes. I want to I want to highlight This is a really good like see here's a whole page. That's just a highlight of what you've already I see so it's easy reading Yes, it is very easy. It looks like about 800 Words for the whole book. That's probably accurate only children cry for candies Or blame someone else for their misfortune

Men can keep their candies so to speak and wait for the right time to enjoy them in order to receive more candy The same concept applies when you're a dating a girl of your dreams So never lose your temper You're not a real man Sounded like a like a Chinese proper. Yeah Art of war Like what here's a couple This one's awesome the sunrise in the battlefield keep teeth clean

Being intelligent intelligence being intelligence Intelligent is not only useful in life. It can also increase your appeal as a lot of women find intelligence very sexy Women who are physically well-proportioned are sexy to men and men who possess ingenuity make them attractive to women So just be smart be smart dummy Girlfriend be smart. You're already smarter than everybody else because you bought my book Does this have an ISBN number can people buy this on Amazon has a barcode. Yes guys We got a we got to get this guy. I want him. I want him to like you're like, why are my sales? Yeah through the fucking roof Finally caught on and this and my Harry Potter moment is here. Yeah, I'm assuming your Wi-Fi is house of farts

That's correct. Do you mean you put it in the password? Oh, I'm not sure what it is James. I know what it is Yeah, that's what I'm saying House of farts someone's gonna drive around just till one day picks up on their Wi-Fi, right? Yes, they're near They're near Mommy's house is near Speaking of do you do you fart in front of your wife? I try to hide it. You hide you don't like it. She's like it She's a lady. That's why I have violent farts. No, I know you eat me I see what you eat on Instagram sometimes. They're brutal. Yeah, nobody needs to smell my farts

Nobody but me. I enjoy them. You're a comedian If being if being funny humorous and confident is in your nature You don't need to worry about being mistaken for a clown because you only appear charming and swabbed to those around you There's a lot of real man stuff Yes, what's homeboys name again Julian Ray? Sanitation this is my favorite one. I shower three times a day. What once in the morning is bam Guess who just one-clicked it this guy Once in the morning once in the evening once before I go to bed

I brush my teeth after every meal use mas was as often as possible and floss every night Please remember to go to the dentist regularly three times dude that guy listens to our show He's telling them to go see the dentist. Why don't you check this out real quick? Which part? This is that there are three levels three levels of becoming a man Wait, I don't think it's normal to shower three times a day though. Yeah, that seems excessive. It seems like a freak. Well, he smells Men between the ages of 18 to 25 are with the animal stage. I never got out of that stage They're particularly do concerned about the feelings of most women. Oh, they're not particularly too concerned Oh, what a weird way to phrase that they are not particularly too concerned about the feeling of most women and are only sexually aroused by

beautiful and sexy women How weird yeah, it doesn't sound normal right because of this reason man at level one have difficulty being empathetic and Connecting with women spiritually. Therefore, these men are Dispised by most mature women unless you watch milk porn. It seems like what they target. That's what they target pool boys. Yeah trainers Animalistic okay pizza delivery men. All right. Yeah God yeah

Men between 25 and 40 level 2 yes men between 25 and 40 are relatively Experienced in social dynamics and are less inclined to lose control. However, they are still at the animal stage Their only difference is they have better control of themselves and they give people the impression of a gentleman But the best Is level 3 Level 3 men age 40 and above are very experienced in social situations and a much more empathetic They have also developed enough wisdom to spiritually connect with sexually attractive women They're more interested in getting to know woman as a person first before deciding whether she is guys an idiot

Well, they should pursue her or accept a woman's advances men at level 3 of real men wait wisdom Yeah, so then wait a minute. This book should be called be over 40 That's the only real men. Yes. Yeah, these other guys are not only that He misses the entire point of why men are more interested in getting no woman first Because by the time he hit 40 you've met a fucking gaggle of crazy Tyres and stealing mail and calling your boss and fucking finding your ex-girlfriends on Instagram or Facebook They're fucking monsters. There's monsters out there. You gotta know who the monsters are you've had some crazy Shit son real tell you I could tell you some stories. Why don't you write the next book?

I should write a next book how to avoid crazy bitches crazy bitches What is there a crazy bit sign signal you think no, you just got I just well, it's like you got a Look at yourself and then think if you were a woman, would you be attracted to you? No, you'd have to be crazy to be attracted to you like the the the average woman like who wants stability or sincerity You're not gonna go after some dirty comedian former kickboxer. I mean you're not You're gonna you're gonna find something more peaceful some some yoga teacher some shit Yep Yeah, you're gonna have some psycho chicks in your life. What does it smell? Oh your smells very important

You wear the right kind of color It does not matter how handsome you are or how physically well-built you are if you have bad breath or body odor You won't go far. That's bullshit It doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about some girls like the fact he's smell. Yeah, I smell like a monster Sometimes but not bad breath. No bad breath. That's inexcusable Smell is one another one is body odor. Oh, but your body I always keep my deodorant cologne and mouthwash in my cars glove compartment Okay, you should stop writing books douchebag cuz cologne is for pussies listen to me

I bought your book, but you're retarded. You bought it. Yeah, I just bought it One collected Like you can't fucking tell people to wear cologne cuz cologne is for more It's horrible if you were this is I have a bit about this about like it's this is a sign of women acquiescing to men Or men acquiescing to women. That's it's a sign of a man giving in you're wearing perfume I don't give a fuck what you call it. I'll give it another name If you went out camping with a bunch of buddies and one of them put cologne on before you got in the canoe You're like, I'm not getting a canoe with you, man. Yeah, are you trying to fuck?

It's courting you why would you put fucking clothes? I always like to smell fresh. Oh good only the fucking woodchucks and shit smell me Yeah, I'm out here with bears and fucking beavers the real kind real man Can I tell you in all my life I've never smelled a good cologne and it's it's always too much the guy hugs you like it's usually old Hungarian guys I grew up with oily and they're shiny and then they mash it against your fate. Yeah It's always like they're putting a scent on you. Yeah. Yeah, the stink on you, man I don't like it. I never liked cologne. It's gross. It is gross. It's gross masking if there was no women men would not wear cologne We wouldn't wear we wear it because we

Romously believe that it's gonna attract women courting. Yeah, it's like if you need cologne to get a woman if that's the deal breaker That's the tipping point. Well, I wasn't gonna fuck you, but I smell this cologne You don't want that girl you want someone who is like a hundred percent in yeah Not someone who cologne is gonna tip in that sense like dressing too nice It's probably a stupid thing too because you want someone who likes you for just like the way you like to dress Not not putting on some goofing fucking costume. We always talk about this. You got to buy as is a Lot of women make that mistake they get with a guy and then they think I'm gonna change this I'm gonna change that and then you're doomed for failure. That's the root of all

You can't change the I the best is when you talk to a woman about her boy She's like, you know, there's just some things about him right now But like, you know, I think it's like once we get like locked out and married like then I think it's gonna change like no Yeah, yeah, it's definitely not I tell you though. I blame shit like sex in the city Yeah, you know like the whole lore of yeah, he's a douchebag. He doesn't treat me right But if you just you keep pushing him you just keep at it one day You gotta wear him down you just gotta wear the guy down like no, it's really not smart I'm just gonna clean him up. Yeah. Yeah. No, you married an animal. Yeah

I had a friend who used to do that with girls who'd pick girls over like slightly fucked up shitty sense of fashion Yeah, a little bit overweight take him to the gym Find nice clothes. Yeah, this guy he had she had a big tattoo on her lower back and when I met him and her He was he was like, yeah, I'm getting it lasered off or it's like she was Getting this tattoo lasered off. She's in the process of it getting lasered off, but he like he was honest about it Yeah, I got a teeth fix. She's a project Wow, he got her fake boobs. You got her teeth fixed. Whoa, he was lasering off. It sound like she won a contest though Like

That's a pretty good guy. Yeah, you're kind of fucked up. I'm gonna help you. All right. Yeah Yeah, he was just you know, he found like something with potential. Wow. Did you one time tweet out? This guy singing let it be Does you remember this? Very is a very distinct voice When I find myself in times of trouble the mother Mary comes to me He did right? Yeah, speaking words of witness I was retweeted. Are you retweeted? Yeah. Well, I like to let it play. Oh, it's beautiful

She is standing right in front of me. I don't know who came between you first Words of witness time. Let it be Let it be Let it be here. Let it be here. Let it be Yeah, it's good. It's really good. What is this town? Oh, yeah Well, you know, he also has confidence is something I didn't realize this is in his kitchen Um, and if you go to his youtube page, his name is tim burn b y r and e He has

um, let's just say dozens dozens of video and the cool thing is that he also has multiple posts different days different outfits So I'll let it be. Are you serious same exact

Does he do it flat? It's always In the same spot in his kitchen when I find myself in times of trouble mother mary comes to me Speaking words of witness time. Let it be And in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me. He does the entire fucking song Speaking words of witness time. Let it be Is there any of him actually talking to me not that I've seen there's also not a lot with many views Um help until now now it's gonna change

He's um his let it be he seems british. Yeah, I think so dude. I mean Like wow That's a lot sometimes he'll post Like 15 songs in a day Wow It's all it's all in the same spot in his kitchen and it's all let it be. No, but it'll be like um Let it be let it be Sometimes I only have eyes for you

I won't last a day without you Maybe it's you let it be sometimes I won't last a day without you Good lord I won't last a day without you Sometimes maybe it's you Sometimes maybe it's you Yesterday once more. I won't last a day without you So he has those and then to give you like a little different flavor. There's like another guy who

He's doing kind of the same a different version of that. He's doing original music Big tits big tits big pussy big tits I love to fuck big girls like like the big titties Sucking them big breasts Licking them big titties eating that big pussy licking that big click boy I love to bang that big girl with my big dick. I love mocking up more good girl myself and his big dick You know what I'm saying? I like to fuck them big girls Locking them big girls. We like original music submissions on this show. So sometimes people will send us

Rocking back and forth like he's got a tremendous head injury I like that fucking big And big titties. He's like there's something wrong. He's trying to find his center. Try to find a happy place. Nothing wrong Well, isn't that so cool about the fucking internet? Yes finally people now. Yes a gift from god Oh, the best part about this dude this guy who did this all his videos are titled my videos My videos they're all the same title You can't even be like what's that one I like because they're all my videos. They're on my videos. Yeah But he's a

What's happening he's uh, he's getting ready for a new song Ain't got no wife ain't got no kids ain't got no girlfriend Ain't got no car ain't got no shoes ain't got no home ain't got no No, it's all original Ain't got no home ain't got no car ain't got no girlfriend Ain't got no shoes ain't got no home ain't got no I feel like with the right producer this could be a good song I just feel like he needs a little bit of direction. I agree because I I don't think ain't got no car

I ain't got no kids ain't got no girlfriend. The premise isn't bad. I got no kids ain't got no girlfriend That's right. He the tempo's on is that what that is the timing up like he is no no uh flow as the kids say Basically, this song should be called. I don't have anything correct. Ain't got nothing. It's a country song. Yeah I ain't got nothing. Yeah, I ain't got one of them country ass black folk. Yeah I ain't got no and he's rocking back and forth. Is he rocking to this? Yeah, he's got a hen injury He really does. I'm not kidding. Yeah, I think you know. No, I'm dead serious. Yeah, definitely. There's definitely something going on there Like maybe a piece got shot off. Yeah. Do you uh, do you see that a lot with fighters? Like I don't see rocking, but you see slurring of the world. You see drunk people. Yeah punch drunk. Yeah, that's what it is

Yeah, that um that phrase it comes from When you hear them talk, they have a really difficult time annunciating words is is hopkins still fighting or not He's like 50 or something. He's 49 years old. He won a world title at 49 Okay, but then he just got beat though. He just got beat by one of the baddest motherfuckers in in the country today The guy he got beat by is a fucking monster Provodnikov there's the fucking uh, the uh, the russian dude. Yeah, he's a killer. He beat him. Yeah. Yeah pretty intense But he put on a clinic to the dude that he beat the year before Oh, dude, he's still incredible. It's just the the guy he fought the russian dude is just too fucking good

He's just too good. Yeah, you know at a certain point in time, you know What he has is incredible skills for not as incredible skills, but the guy he's fighting Uh, especially the last guy it has incredible skills as well, but he's also 29. Yeah, you know, this is just just You can't Just can't beat father time. I mean, I would like I wish you would be honest I'd love to talk to him and say, what do you want, dude? Uh, kovalev, that's who he'd be kovalev. Kovalev beat him. Sergei Kovalev I would love to say like, what are you doing? Are you doing anything?

Are you doing taking some growth hormones, some testosterone? Like it has there has to be some supplementation there because it doesn't make any sense That his body would function that well at 49 a lot of his discipline a lot of his diet 40 oh, I didn't catch that. Yeah. And boxing. I mean all for real though. Professional Yeah, we're talking like the highest skilled punchers on the planet. This is a fucking 50 year old man, basically. Yeah Well, he's so smart and he's so skilled like in as far as like his knowledge of positioning Positioning and boxing is everything you always want to be in a position where you can punch the guy and he can't punch you

And then clinch and hold or move And it all worked great up until kovalev kovalev is just too fucking dangerous. He hits too hard He's a killer like a legit killer. He killed a guy in the ring. Yeah, really? Yeah, and didn't seem to bother him at all like like a lot of guys they kill somebody and then their career drops off Substantially after that like Ray boom boom Mancini. He's a big one The that was because we were all watching on tv when we were kids He knocked out duck who Kim and duck who Kim died and Mancini was kind of never the same after that because in his Head, it was always like man people can die. You know, I could die this guy could die like it fucks their head up

Yeah, not kovalev Seems fine. It comes from Russia. Well, there you go. People dying left and right. Yeah. Yeah, it's like dying's what happens sometimes He probably is like I mean I killed like eight people before Yeah, I killed someone this morning for breakfast. Yeah, I'm a big deal. They don't care But uh, hopkins is just so clever He just understands like where to be and where not to be and how to how to throw guys off And he's also like so disciplined like his diet, you know, he's always eating like natural foods very healthy You know, never too much never gets fat always in the gym

After he fought kovalev. He was in the gym on monday working out on monday Then you say you tell me one time that um Uh gsp his whole thing. Is it like he really he always does something every day Yeah, he does something every day like a day off is still a bike ride or jump and rope or something one day He'll do gymnastics the next day. He'll do wrestling the next day. He'll do karate incredible Even if he's not training for a fight. He's always doing something. Yeah Because he believes that your body gets there's a lot of people that believe that your body gets used to work And as long as you continue to push it it can maintain that level and if you don't it atrophies

Wow, yeah I think the first time I saw uh I remember seeing like real punch drunk like in an interview was ridic bow It was it was a while ago But it was what he was still fighting but it was very end of his career And even the guy interviewing like looked at the camera like oh Jesus. Have you ever seen it in real life? Like it no, uh, I saw it in real life. Um many times when I was young, but uh, I didn't know the guys Like when they were clear

Also, you only knew them like I I saw them punch drunk, you know, and I I saw like some degradation When I was young like I saw a guy slip a little bit but I ran into terry norris who was a big time boxing champion in the 1980s I ran into him uh in the early 90s as well. I ran into terry norris in vegas and he was talking to some fans And I almost thought he was joking around or almost thought he was drunk Like I thought he was maybe terry norris was hammered and then I realized. Oh my god. He's punch drunk And he was so bad

Yeah He was slurring his words so bad It was just so depressing because it wasn't that long ago that I watched him fight It was just a few years earlier that I'd watched him fight And uh, he actually fought my friend dana Uh dana rosinblatt who was a middleweight champion of new england. You thought he was kind of beat him You thought he was joking around though I almost did but I saw in the dana rosinblatt fight when dana beat him

Um, I was like man terry just looks off. It looks like he's having a hard time moving his body, right? Like his his coordination was off like he was a killer when he was young He was so fast and just lethal knockout power And then when he fought dana like I could see some awkwardness in his movement like his motor skills were We're not functioning correctly. Hmm. And it's it's sad shit I've seen it in mma fighters quite a bit now Especially, uh, there's the gong again Especially from um, when I first started I didn't mean to do that

Uh, when I first started working for the ufc, um, the guys who started fighting back then to now like you could really see In some of them a big difference a big difference and struggle the dullness in their eyes You see like a dome they have like there's like a lack of vitality to them. Yeah It's scary shit And do they have enough money to kind of take care of themselves later in life depends on who some yes Some no, you know, it really depends Some guys a lot of the guys that get the most brain damage are the ones that don't win fights And those are the ones who don't make money. So it's it's very cruel

Yeah, that's cruel Like you look at a guy like hopkins no brain damage made millions of dollars still fighting at 49 crazy look at terry norris Probably broke by now, you know, he teaches boxing now. He's like a boxer size instructor You know, that's what he's doing and like somewhere in la actually and Fucked up, you know Yeah, do you think by the way, is you think anderson is he gonna retire? Is he like done done? Well, he tested positive for steroids. Yeah, that's not good. So that means he's got to take a year off Like at least nine months suspension and all that shit like I think they're fighting it and then the novata state athletic commission

They reverse the The win so it's not a win anymore So now it's a no contest and They have to figure out whether or not he Appeals if he appeals they have to have some ground to stand on apparently There's a second drug test that he failed as well. So it's not just one drug test. It's a siren. I got bad I mean, I I thought it was I'm sorry for you. I don't know much about like, you know the sport But we were watching a bodybuilding documentary for

Mr. Olympia. Yeah. Yeah. It was a it's generation iron on um, netflix. It's great, man. Have you seen it? No, it's really good Well, the it's implicit that those guys use steroids like it's just a given in their field Nobody talks about it, but it's just understood and I but it's also like it's not the same They make it, you know, you make a point also of like saying that Expect like a lot of people think that bodybuilders like They just shoot up and then they walk out with that body, you know, like they're saying like, do you know how Hard these guys work. I mean, yeah, there's a point where they're juicing up But like they're they're like the most disciplined athletes maybe ever, you know

As far as like weighing their food and how much they have to eat and the type of workouts they do They're really really incredibly disciplined people to be Like pro mr. Olympia level bodybuilder. Yeah, you have to be there's no way you get that big without work Yeah, you have to take steroids for sure, but you also have to put in incredible hours at the gym Those guys are working out all day. Yeah, a lot of them. This work gets really freaky a lot of back in the day The guys didn't have any money. They didn't have any for steroids and they were like aspiring bodybuilders and gay guys Would talk to them into doing freaky shit for money They would prostitute themselves out because gay guys were in love with their bodies

Even it's as simple as like, you know, they would let the gay guy would let this gay guy suck his dick or the straight guy Let the gay guy suck his dick so I could buy steroids like There's a friend of mine who was a bodybuilder back in that day and he said it was rampant It was like there was all these really rich gay guys that would go to gold's gym and they would pray upon the week The broke bodybuilder talk about commitment as a bodybuilder though. You gotta want it bad There's been so many stories in Hollywood about like rich gay producers They would hit on straight actors and even force actors into doing sexual favors for career

Stuff like how we long had some crazy story about something like that. How we long so did hulk hogan Hulk hogan had some story about some shit like that happening to him Guys are trying to get him. I mean you think about it a guy says yes to some super powerful producer type character Next thing, you know, we're talking about this morning. Yeah, he's the rock not saying that the rock ever did that The rock doesn't have to do that. He's the rock, right hulk hogan. It's not quite as ripped as the rock might A lot of these guys is what happens. Yeah, sure It's like you hear about the casting couch. Well, it works for gay people, too Yeah, for sure. It's all guys. I mean, it's not casting. Well, it's that's not true either

It's women too. There was a lady on a I don't want to say names But there's a television show that I might have been a part of that had a woman who might have been the casting director Who used to get these sad fucking depressed dudes to To be on shows and she would cast them and they would she would take them to parties And it was very clear that some shit was going on Wow Talking about that's all I want You want to get on the casting? Yeah, and I want to get into bodybuilder, you know

Are you gonna shave or wax? That's a really good question. I know I'm gonna tan And your head has to be lighter than your body. Your body's gotta be real dark Your body's almost black. Yes. Yeah, the best is like when like right at a contest when on the documentary like The guy's like wins and then somebody comes and gives them a hug and then they pull away and they're wearing white And it's all black now I'm like, ah, you kind of told me for the hug They're covered in that ink, right? They're like otherwise they're like you wash out you wash out under those lights. So yeah, that makes even like black guys put on

Black guys put on too. Yeah, unless they're like fucking, you know, kenyan then Oh It's like a regular segment we have on our show We love to do it with people that haven't been to your mom's house. This is known as the dental update Where we talk about your dental history. What's your dental history? Like do you just like teeth? We like teeth We want to know about what are your habits? First of all, do you floss? I do not Don't ever nope. Oh, we talked about this and I my thing was like, what about you know, you know that the lack of Flossing can contribute to like heart disease and you're like pussies and pussies. Exactly. You gotta be a pussy

heart disease from lack of flossing. Yeah What about like you're eating moose fucking hearts and all this shit you feel in your teeth you go on Yeah, pick it out. You pick it out. Yeah, like with a branch something on the ground. Yeah, whatever I find. Yeah, take a bone splinter shoving Yeah, I want it out. Yeah, I want your fucking meat freezer, by the way Dude, you could come over and take pictures of it. I have Right now at least 600 pounds of meat. Well, I mean I should be clear 400 is just moose that you've killed. Yeah 400 of is just one moose. Yeah, we watched you on real sports

Yeah, oh that uh, HBO thing. Yeah, it's so cool that you're eating What you kill. It's very strange. This is one weird thing that I've gotten into over the last couple years. I'm obsessed Uh, I am too. I'd like to hunt and kill my own food. Would you why not? Well, one of the things I've been talking to these guys is your chicken. I'm a chicken. I would cry. I can't What about a pig like a big wild boar? I'd like to do that. Yeah, see everybody says that There's a lot of fucking racism in the species when it comes to like, oh, right? Yeah, different animals. Yeah, the moose is like beautiful. I feel, you know People gave me the most hard time about shooting a bear. That was the hardest one

People didn't like the bear. Do you have bear meat? Yes. Is it what's it tastes like? Like a pig fucked a deer. Like a pig? How about what's your favorite surprise? What's your favorite surprise meat? In other words, You killed something because I know you had moose down and bison or whatever, you know, Is there one that you're like, this is fucking amazing and you didn't know it was going to be? Elk is very unusually delicious. Really? Elk is really really really delicious, but moose is pretty delicious too Um moose is I'm surprised moose is so tough But it makes sense very lean and they're monsters. I mean, it's a 900 pound forest horse

Yeah, they're just running through the woods and running away from packs of wolves where I was at in Northern bc. They have a real issue with wolves They have packs and packs of wolves like everybody has this idea of what wolves are You know, it's based on like dogs like we look at dogs and we love dogs Yeah, look at wolves like oh, it's a how could you shoot a wolf? This guy that I'm friends with up there his neighbor had looked out his window when I heard his crazy commotion And there was 20 wolves tearing apart one of his cows cows, yeah took down a cow

Yeah, that's when you realize like whoa, you're dealing with a totally different thing Like you're not dealing with a dog. You're dealing with a dog that has a bite That's five times stronger than a pit bull. Wow. Yeah, I didn't even know that I didn't know that ricky gervais told me that Name drop That was on the obin and anthony show. I was in there with you. Oh, that's right. Yeah, remember. Yes. I was in there with you Not talking. That's right. Yeah Didn't talk. I didn't say shit that People asked me I got treated. Why didn't you talk? Why didn't you talk?

You know what it felt like to me? It felt like when you ever go to dinner with like Four guys that are friends and you just met them. Oh, and you're like but not I don't mean it like um, and they were rude I mean like their conversation is rooted in history and you feel like there's such a natural Vibe going right that I just was like, I mean I did speak like A little bit 10 words whatever a little bit But I always felt like whatever I was gonna like every time I was thinking to say something It just it always felt out of place I did I was like

Because you guys all knew each other right and then and everyone was cool I don't they were very cool to me But I just afterwards I was like I didn't say shit and then ricky gervais walks in the room And they you know it just it was just like I was basically a spectator I was wondering how that was going to go because he's a big animal activist type dude. Everybody got he was really cool But I would you think the animal activists would actually I mean I know is he totally like vegetarian vegan? No animal nothing, but he's a real big animal rights actress. I love that I agree with I agree more with what joe does than lift like

Farming things when they but that's what ricky's in the in the room. I remember he was like, yeah, but you hunt and you you you use it How do you do it? Yeah, I almost everything that I eat in my house is something that I killed almost everything It's very rare that I eat honey Honey, do you kill those? Do you do harvest your own honey? No, but I would like to do that Yeah, that's like some next level shit. I'd like to do that. I love honey. Honey is delicious It really is super good for you too. You know Natural raw honey from the area that you got it in it's supposed to protect you from whatever Diseases that are in that area. It's supposed to be like that's crazy

Yeah, like whatever colds are going around like natural raw honey is a good remedy for whatever colds are going around in your specific area Wow, wow, dude might but by the way, that might be 100% bullshit. Okay. That's just some shit I've been repeating that I've heard People have told me so wait when's the time you went to Dennis though a couple months ago Oh, okay, so you're up to date. How are you? How are your cavities great? Got a tooth cleaning Just a cleaning. No, no damage any crowns any root canals. I have a root canal. Yeah one Yeah, I had a I had a feeling when I was a kid and I cracked it because a lot of my teeth are cracked From uh working out actually really. Yeah

I have micro fractures all over my teeth. Why you clenched? Fucking lifting heavyweights deadlifting and shit screaming Your man you're a real man. That's what they do bite you I'm level three But I want it. Can I ask you something real? I want to ask you something real talk because tom and I we love you and without You actually this never would have happened because you gave us the idea to do a podcast years ago. You insisted a few times. Yeah but real talk like

So many of us comedians look up to you and you're kind of like a mentor for us Which is I know it's corny to say but we love it. We love you and like I don't know. I guess i'm wondering how did you get to be smart? Because like why do you know stuff that I don't know is that the real man? Well, i'm level three first of all you level but no i'm serious like you're not like how is it that you're How is it that you're like a successful dude? But you're not a douchebag and you're smart and you give back to people like how did you get? Is that I feel so corny asking? I don't think it's not corny. I think what you're making

I mean it might feel like we're um, you know Showering you with too much love, but I feel like you are whether or not you Intentionally do it You do kind of you know, you have this like circle of comics That are your friends, but also you've you know You've given you you're rare in that like a lot of successful comics are like Well, you know that I got this success is mine now Yeah, you like to share your success and you and you know you take you've taken me on the road

Ari for years Diaz and then now you have you know, like you're taking tony hinge cleven You're giving him every time you do something like that you give a comic opportunity to Do something that normally they wouldn't get to perform to that kind of Audience for years and you you know it's a it's a generous thing to do And it's like does the spirit of generosity? Is it something that's always been in you to something that grew? Yeah, like you're gracious and so many people aren't so many people are afraid that if they keep it Or if they give it away, it's not there or something like how do you get there?

That's famine thinking, you know, I've never had famine thinking and I don't I don't know why Like we know when I first got my first development deal when I first started making money My manager called me up one day because he thought I had a gambling habit He goes do you have a gambling problem? And I said no, why and he goes you spend so much money like what do you spend on? I go dude. I'm eating out every night. It's awesome. Like buy people dinner Yeah, come be buying lobster and steak for my friends. He's like you're spending like $10,000 a month I'm like, yeah, but I'm having a great fucking time. Like I just didn't I didn't think like oh my god Now I have money I have to squirrel it away for whatever reason. I've never

Worried about that. I've always been like there's plenty. Come on. Let's go. You know, everybody's fine Let's just keep going and I feel like if you think that way it sounds crazy But as long as you do what you're supposed to do as long as you put in the work and you're not lazy and you're disciplined And you get your your job done That's that that you that's almost a self-fulfilling mentality or self-fulfilling prophecy and I think that With comics first of all, I'm a fan of comedy I love comedy and if I'm in a position where I can help someone who's talented and help that I know I'm going to hear some good comedy out of them. Yeah, I mean I'm not doing it like in a selfish way like yeah

This is my tree. I'm going to grow fruit on the tom's agoratree. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm doing it like I know you're talented and I know I can help and I know if I was If I was in a position and I can help and I didn't help I'd feel bad, you know, and it's also Like always encouraging people to do podcasts and stuff like that That's that same thing like a lot of people when they have success They don't want anybody else to have success. I think that's crazy a lot of people like but it's silly. It doesn't make any sense There's so many people. It's not like there's only 10 of us and there's only nine dollars So we all have to fucking fight because one of us is going to have no dollars, you know, that's crazy

That's not the case. There's the and I also believe being at least Whether or not I think of this Consciously, but I believe the more good comedy there is the more people will go to see comedy the more it's good for everybody I just think there's think about how many people go to the movies All you need is like 300 people to go to the ice house You know, I mean that's not that many or and if if you're in Indianapolis and you're in san francisco And I'm in san diego We're not competing with each other and even when even sometimes like when we are like

Like if I'm in town and somebody else is in town, I'll fucking tell people to go to their show too Like go to that guy's show. Go to this. There's plenty of fucking people. There's so many people Did you always have though the like for some, you know, there's a lot of things where like you learn about Through living life you get better at having a you know a better perspective on something Did you always have that naturally the the the part at least of like, you know, there's more than enough for all of us I think I somehow another did I don't know why yeah, that could be it could be I don't know why well I you know when I was real young from the time I was uh 15 I was teaching martial arts

So, um, I taught a lot of people like things that were like very important to me and um, I I taught a lot of people that would you know, maybe one day use that shit on me when we're sparring Oh, right. And but you can't think like that the way my thought process and the way it was always explained and taught to me was that Teach people to be the best that they can be and if they're better than you you have to get better And it's good. It's good to have people around you that are are scary You know, like literally like you need iron sharpens iron. It's like a quote from the bible or some shit Yeah, you know and that idea behind it being that you need people that are really good around you to make you better And when I started taking people on the road with me

Um, one of the things that I noticed that always drove me crazy is like some comics would take like really bad comedians Like intentionally bad comedians and they do it to make themselves look like a hero So this poor bastard will go up there and they'll eat dick for 20 minutes And then you go up there and look like you know, hey the fucking god of comedy see Yeah, um, but I would breathe right bring joey Diaz with me and he would just murder just murder But I would be laughing too and it made me a better comic and Duncan and you and arie and you know And and now Ian and tony henchcliffe is a killer Ian edwards is a killer. These guys are funny, you know, and it's like

It's also there's an association that we have going on with all of us like If everybody knows that if we're hanging around with Ian Edwards, Ian Edwards has got to be funny as shit That's true. It's a fact. Like if you go to see matt fulton, you're gonna know matt fulton's funny as shit Because we always talk about it. He's funny as shit. Yeah, you know, I mean, it's like they're that that sort of association that the the honesty behind it or the The knowing that you we're not going to pretend that someone sucks Like I've had people ask me to get people on the podcast and I was like, damn, I can't

I can't because I I don't want people I can't say hey, go see this guy because I wouldn't go see him Right, you know, so like there's that weird thing where it's like, I don't want to be rude But I can't have you on, you know, so I got to figure out how to just ignore you Yeah, and hope you go I don't have to reject you But when someone's good and someone works hard, you know, and you help that person you see them grow like Ari was my friend when I was on tv and he was an open miker, you know And uh, it's great. His story is crazy when you think about it. It's amazing. Yeah the the

his His arc his storyline, you know, I mean and then I remember like When I first met Ari, he was opening for you I just thought that he like he he enjoyed that but I don't I didn't see him really wanting to like Like progress kind of, you know, like I saw him kind of going through the motions And then at some point I saw some notable change in him where he was like Just way more driven. Yeah, and after that moment every time I saw him it was just like

It was like like when they have like the most improved player award He was like the guy who changed the most Yeah, the last three or four years and a lot of that was the internet A lot of that was Ari would come on the road with me for a long time and For a while like, you know, I do gigs like the house of blues or something like that And I remember he was on stage. Someone's you know, no bring out rogan I mean it wasn't fair. It was a guy was just kind of starting out, but he was funny. I always knew he was funny Yeah, yeah, he's always funny. He always had talent

Yeah, and you know and we worked together one of the things that I told him like I would get him like really Stupid high before the show and he'd be like, what if I go out there and boom? I go it doesn't matter You can never get fired. Oh, yeah, and like I'm like just have fun. Just go out there and have fun You can never get fired. I'm like, I'll never fire you. I'll never say you can't work with me anytime you want to work with me Just call me up. We'll work together. Yeah, so that like freedom of being able to fuck around and grow and learn But then the internet came along And all of a sudden people Knew who Ari was. Yeah, like because of the videos that we did and then because the shows that we did and then

Podcasts there was like a slow progression. There was like the videos that we did from the comedy store Everybody knew him from the jew clam video. Whereas he had a hemorrhoid. They took video of his butthole. Yeah, I remember that one I remember seeing his asshole like Homer Simpson's mouth It was it was there was there was that so people started clapping when he would go on stage. Yeah, it's arry But then from podcasts the podcast thing changed joey It changed arry it changed duncan and changed everybody. It's like it changed you There's like this weird step up that everybody took this jump this giant and I remember we were in toronto And uh arry went on it was in toronto or denver. I forget where it was

But it was a big place thousands of people and arry went on stage and they went fucking ape shit And I introduced him from the side and I said give it up for my brother mr. Arish of here and they went He turned it look to me and I went oh shit your famous son And he started laughing and he went on stage and they went nuts They went fucking nuts and that was probably like I don't know maybe three Or so years ago. It was right. It was about two years into the podcast when it really picked up this crazy momentum I remember I was on stage in toronto This I definitely remember was in toronto because I said I go how much because I was at massy hall

There's like 3400 people. I go. How many you guys listen to the podcast? Yeah, this is roar like my fucking my eyebrows moved and I was like this is nuts I was like I didn't expect that like I thought it was like maybe some of you You know, maybe it'd be like 20 of yours. That's what I always thought too. That's what I always thought I thought for yours I thought and then when we for us it was toronto too when we did Our podcast live in toronto last year. It was like an old movie theater and it was like sold out You know like 300 some people there and we're like, oh shit like, you know, we didn't know what to expect Yeah, and they were so die hard

So hard people love podcast man. It's intimate someone right now Not to someone but thousands of people right now are listening to us in their ears while they're at the gym Or on the train or in a plane or in their car It's so intimate. It becomes a part of their life in some sort of a strange way Yeah, and that that's what happened with arie and definitely with joey But what the difference between arie and joey is arie puts out content and he committed to the louis ck model of doing stand-up Where you know, you do a new special every year or so and he also Moved to new york last year. That was a big one too just because it got him out of his comfort zone

And just that alone just getting out of your comfort zone sometimes is He's just driven, you know, right? Yeah, and he's happy and successful for the first time in his life I'm trying to get him to buy a nice car Duncan just bought an amg Mercedes Nice And he goes, I get it now. I get it. He goes for the wilds like why is rogan into cars? Why are you so into cars? He goes, but now I get it. He goes, it's like you're on a ride I go exactly you take a ride. He got an amg. Oh my god. It's so dope

Dude, it's so dope You got to see it. Is it the the new it's something see whoops the gong again Um, I'll show you a picture of it. That's it's insane, but it's just it's nice to see these guys like doing well You know, it's like it's beautiful. So what you're saying is is that? Joe rogan you're a winner and you think like a winner and not like a loser Because I do feel like that's kind of what you are. You're like a winner. Well, and I think it's important. I'm not definitely not a loser No, but but you know, what is it? It's not winning because it's not a game. It's not a contest What it is is

Yeah, I'm I'm I'm I'm a person who tries to do Tries to be happy tries to make other people happy. Look at that shit to do better. Oh, that's beautiful We're that night writer, man baller damn baller I don't know. I just think It's more fun if everybody's having fun, you know, and it's like Who's who's in the position if you're in the position if you're in the position to help other people

You should help other people like you should Help other people that are helping themselves. Obviously. Yeah, you don't want to just like take someone and be their fucking life coach Because that shit gets draining and exhausting We talked about a lot too that I picked up from you was like try to make the road fun So like I try to request, you know, I call friends now and I tell clubs like I'm not coming unless I can bring one of these guys. I'm bringing pad house joshpot or jeff tate like somebody

That full chart full run. Yeah, for sure. That makes such a big huge difference It goes from being this weird lonely experience to a party Yeah, we've traveled on the road together. There's a video of us in san francisco It's you me brian and joey d as we're at a restaurant and there's music playing and we're all dancing Do Tommy's like you're like in the middle of forks full of food. We're all dancing But we're having a good time and we're not doing it for anybody. We're just doing it to have a good time And so it's it's a fun thing

And then now other guys start doing that too like red band takes a bunch of people on the road with him And he does gigs and it's like joey does that too and you know, duncan does that Yeah, when you when you live like that, it's it's contagious because you realize like Doing it any other way like I have friends to do it the other way They show up at places and there's an opener and a middleer that the club provides and you know They do morning radio and all that other bullshit It's just not as fun. So it becomes depressing like guys get really depressed on the road People don't like being alone. You know, you stay in your hotel room by yourself all day

And then at night you go to this gig. It's it's very taxing. It's not good for you Belif Tell me when you go on the road with all your friends. It's like you're with your family. It doesn't matter, you know All right, we'll meet downstairs at six and get some dinner. Yeah, let's do it. Okay You guys want to go to the gym? Fuck it. Let's go. You go to the gym. You're laughing farting on each other. Yeah That's fun. Um, you feel like playing a game. Fuck you You have a pen and paper. Oh shit. Yeah, all right. You have to keep track of this. All right This episode

I'm the one that had the elephants roosting in trees. Shit, man. That's tom sagura buns He was a for real grimy nigga I give a fuck about a mother fucking red light Faggot cop can't touch me. I'm my head smoking weed speeding all that door. Fuck that. That's me I put shade monster on your fucking eyes. It's time for tom or black All right, so I feel like you understand that a little bit already. Yes. This is um, this is also this became came about uh from you This is gotta tell the truth here You I was on your show

I tried a voice a black voice You said something about it something derogatory about my black voice So then we created this game. We played it with a bunch of guests I think you understand the concept. Um, just to make sure it's clear. I'll I'll be playing clips and You have to tell me whether it's you or a black person. I'm a real black person. Yes. Okay All right, here we go And then you keep track of which clip. Yeah, will you? Thank you. You got it. Here we go

Are you ready joe and I'll play as many times as you want. I'm ready. I'm ready. I gave him the grease salient I gave him the grease Okay, is that that's you. That's me. All right, and we'll give you the answers at the end. Okay All right, here we go That's you too No, that's not you want to hear it again. Yeah one more time No, it's the problem. This these headphones are really loud. Oh, they are. Oh, I can turn it down a little bit

Um, tell me tell me which one is yours. Hold on. Is this yours? Check check check check check check check. Oh, yeah That's better. That's better. Yeah, way better. Damn. I was like, how do they listen to this shit so loud? Yeah, well, no, yeah, just your headphone level. Yeah, it was a little distorted Let me with the first one again the first one again. Okay one second I gave him the grease I still think that's you. Okay So here's the next one That's not you black guy. That's black guy. Okay

I left a wallet there. That's you This guy Quick on the draw too like no hesitation. No hesitation. I might be wrong. Cry came through Salient cry came through Torn I like when they give him pause. Walk me. Let's one more time. But let's cry. I can't vote Why can't this is not real? It's not a real guy. So that's you. That's not a real guy. No, that's you Okay

I mean, okay One more time That's not you. That's not me. That's not you. Okay. Okay One more time I want to say that's not you, but I might be wrong. So I'm just gonna say that's not you That's you that's me. That's you How many we have to this is that was number seven. That was number seven. Okay. There we go. Oh, no, yeah That's not you

He's real quick. He's so so most people ask for like 10 plays like a marine. He doesn't hesitate He didn't take any mess. That's you. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. That's you Take any mess. Okay And that's number is that number nine prepared to be 100 wrong on all these cross the board. No, actually It's very interesting. Um, is that number nine? That was number nine. Okay. Here's the last one One more time One more time That might be you

I'm gonna say that's you. You say that's me. Yeah. All right. Wow. So that's 10, right? All right, this is a really Really interesting game. Really? Yeah. Do you want to do you want to know how you did? Sure Uh, so we should we should play back. Yeah. Yeah, okay. So, um Again, this is the Joe Rogan edition of tom or black if you're just And here we go clip number one. Uh, he said this was me Correct gave him the grease gave him the grease and here is a little more of the clip I gave him the grease

And uh, I'll tell him that let's put something on his finger Oh, that's not you sticking in his ass and grin, you know, I'm saying kind of like fuck yourself He's inducing himself up because I know he had never been penetrated before Oh, okay. That's not you. What do you think's happening there? Well, it's a he's gonna butt fuck somebody. Yeah, the problem is there's a distortion in the sound. Uh, yeah This is your kind of nature coming out. That's not you. Okay. It's not you. All right. So yeah, but you you guessed tom So that one's wrong wrong. This is uh, the next one is the next one I said that was probably you you said this was a black guy

Did I okay the beautiful I agree You're right. It's a black guy What was next next was the wallet I left a wallet there That seems like you you said tom that was that was correct. And that's right. That's good. Yeah, it's good I'm pretty quick on that one. Yeah, you were very quick on that one. Well, the sounds that people make there's like a There's like a a tone that they reach when you you you can recognize that tone Yeah, yeah, but you can alter it, you know, like people can do voices like, uh, you know Some people do voices that are indistinguishable from the person. They're

Yeah, imitate it, you know, like jaymore when he does collin quinn. Yeah indistinguishable. Yeah, you know Some people are just really good at voices. God and the collin quinn is it's so distinct like collin is so distinctly himself Yeah, his voice. It's really crazy. Um, what's the next one? Why he came through? Why he came through I thought that was you, right? That was tom and you're correct. That is tom. That was me. That was good. Yeah, you heard that Good job. Thank you. That was a quick one. Yeah, it was real quick. What was next? God damn it. Oh, yeah God damn it That's not you but you said it was me. Yeah, I don't think it is though. No, no, he said it wasn't he said it wasn't me

He said not tom not me. Excuse me. All right God damn it God damn it He'd just come a black eye just came. Oh, so it wasn't you. It wasn't me beautiful. Yeah, but you got it right. You're good What is his score right now? So far he's got one two three four five correct five correct. Yeah, all Well, we've done. Yeah, except for the first one. He's done. What's what I'm saying? So how about what's the score? Good he is. He's he's five of six or four or five five

Sorry, we've done five. He's four out of five right now. Wow Jesus Okay, what's the next one young? Hey young Oh, what do you say? Uh, he said black you got that wrong. That's me. It's wrong. So the problem is all this noise behind it. Well, yeah It's unfair. What's I'm trying to be dissent fair. Yeah, it's unfair. Yeah I mean, I can't if you got him. All right, I'd be really We have to make that noise too. You're not even saying anything. You know, I was like a few words

That is word. Yeah. Hey, yo. Hey, young. Yeah, I would like a few words. Oh, yeah Well then but then it'd be man. I was telling that bitch Shit Fuck oh, yo, what's next? Uh, we're gonna ride tonight. Oh That's you. That's what you said. He said tom. So you're right. Wow. So what's his score now? Okay, so One two three four five right Too wrong too wrong. Okay. Mm-hmm out of seven and what's it's going on here. What's going on here? Hold on hit me with that again. It's going on here. That's not you

You got that right too. It's very good. It's very good here. It's really good. Really good here Tom or black? Okay, anything else two more one more take any. Oh, yeah, didn't take any mess and you said that was me Yeah, he did say that was tom. Let me hear it again. Didn't take any mess. Yeah, that's you It's not that is not Didn't take any mess as my mom likes to say I still would have said it was you and then and then anything else Come off the top

What'd he say? He said tom. He said you wow. Yeah, I so joe got seven out of 10 Correct, I would say in the history of the that's that's probably the best score That might have been and including all black participants every black person has lost the game lost. Yeah, so good Everybody Everybody loses well well usually they have a disproportionate number of you know, they get more wrong than right Wow, like uh, sydney castillo sydney castillo came in here who's black. He was 0 for 10 Jesus every single one wrong. Yeah, that's incredible. Yeah, but good job. Thank you. Good work really strong work Well, I do I do some impressions

Sure. Yeah, so that's one of the things like when you do impressions You can kind of tune in to like the sounds that people make like this little little but it's hard Yeah, you're cheating with all this background. Yep. Yeah honking. You did that on purpose. I did that on purpose, of course Yeah motherfuckers Do you feel like uh, how does this you do mutterfucker? Whatever happened to that guy Is it joe peshy? He's doing a fucking archery target commercial. Is that right? I'm not

Was that sad? I want to be nice to that. What's that? Sorry, Jesus. What was that? There's a an archery commercial with archery targets for hunting joe peshy Yeah, they open up the trunk and they take this fucking archery target out and it's like the scene from goodfellas like let them have it boys And I you watch it and you're like that's joe peshy. They got joe peshy doing Like he there's must be something going on there. What's going on? Well, my friend ken used to work at the uh laugh factory and ken This is back in the glory days like in the 90s when joe peshy was in goodfellas and he came into the The laugh factory and he was just the cunt

Really? Yeah, my friend ken who's his giant football player, dude He's the bouncer at the laugh factory who's also a rapper. He was a large fellow. He's that big black guy? Uh, he doesn't work there anymore, but he was a super cool guy. Um, but uh, he was like, listen, motherfucker. You ain't in no movie right now Like he said it to him really? Yeah Yeah, because the place was sold out and joe peshy was with these two girls and he wanted seats And there was no seats to be had it was a you know friday night or throw somebody out Yeah, it was one of those things. Yeah, you jew motherfucker. You jew motherfucker you So it might be that that's depressing to do the commercial

Yeah, he's doing it. It's an archery target. It's weird And then chuck wallery slaying and everything under the sun. Chuck wallery is hilarious on twitter His twitter is so stupid. He's crazy. It's all like super ultra conservative this because i'm one of the last conservatives in hollywood Maybe only lives in florida, so i'm sure yeah, texas. That's where he lives texas. He damn lost his crazy didn't greasy he um He and he hawks all like He's like, you know, uh, if you have bad breath You should take this anything mouthwash and then it's like my elbows

No, they don't feel like they used to so i rub this just everything that could be wrong like some ailment Old people problems. He's doing all of it man. Yeah, you gotta think about like, um Like for joe peshy to do the archery thing That is like a look into his finances his financial situation You're just not doing that Because you enjoy archery. No, I mean, do you think he let's look at his imdb Do you think he's done a movie recently like one? I don't think yes before we check before we check i'm i'm guessing he really messed his face up

With the plastic surgery. He did do some crazy surgery. Maybe that could be a deterrent to him working I think he hasn't done a movie in A few years. Yeah, it looks a little. What do you what's your guess wacky? I say four years. I say five. I say five years. You say he was such a huge star. What do you think? Um, I haven't seen him. I mean, you know, what am I though? I'm not fucking cisco or a bird Okay, very interesting guess It is 2015 He last did

Love ranch in 2010 which is five years ago love ranch, but he just shot um Savva heart of the warrior So it says 2015 But then in parentheses it says english version voice So maybe like he did the voice over english version. Oh, it's it's it's animated Oh, it's animated, but it's a foreign animated movie. So he he did the english version of yes um

Yeah, how old is he? He is born in 43. Jesus christ. Oh 70 70 He's old too Something like that. Yeah, sir. Yeah 71 72. Yeah fucking poor bastard. Yeah, who knows what happened? Good. He's Who knows dude? It's so funny though. He's he was so funny all those dudes every time he lost his shit. It was fucking hilarious One dog goes this way one dog goes that way

guys like, uh Everyone can quote that There's something that happens a lot of actors too though They just want to like I don't want to do this anymore and they step back that does definitely happen That definitely does happen. Yeah, they just get tired of the whole thing. It's just so much It's like they're running this constant marathon and some of them just step off the side of the race And go, you know what? I'm just gonna sit down and do some target ads Yeah, do a fucking archery. Why not? He used to work a lot. Jesus. Yeah

He was doing three four five movies a year. Maybe retired. I mean if he's 72 years old Maybe five or six years ago or whatever it was. He just decided, you know, what what am I doing? You know, what am I fucking crazy? I'm 66 years old. Let's just take a little time off here. Yeah, enjoy life, man Yeah, or not. Maybe he's just screaming at people. No one answers. He dated, uh, angie everhardt for years That's kind of crazy, right? Yeah, he's like five five and she's like six one He's 70 and she was like 30. She's not that tall but she was on uh, she was on fear factor Oh, really? Uh, an hour She was on for an hour and they had to kick her off because she had spine surgery

Oh, I thought you were gonna say she was an asshole or something. No, no, she had spine surgery like the year before But she was she threw a fucking hissy fit It was uh, it was interesting because it was like fear factor was huge at the time and they were all Clamoring to get on it. It was like celebrity fear factor was like a big deal And so these people that you know, there's their Sun was starting to set as it were like those are the type of celebrities you got on celebrity fear factor But uh, she was there on the first day And someone they were harnessing her up. I think and they noticed that you have a scar on her back

And so they said uh, what is that? You know what happened? She said I had surgery, you know X amount of months ago And they're like, you know Nope Yeah, maybe not of back surgery back surgeries like spine surgeries like some serious shit Yeah, I think she had I don't know what she had done and you're like, we're gonna drop you off a waterfall Well, the first thing they were on top of a bus. Yeah harness and yet the bus was doing figure eight She had to stand on the bus and sometimes people fall off Crazy, that was the that was the coolest fucking show man

Not the coolest fucking show and no one was happier when it got cancelled than me Well, it's fun to watch. It was fun watching you. I mean, I had fun the first time around But the second time around I was like, what did I sign up for? Why did I do this again? Really? Yeah, but the amount of cash was over It was so stupid raining cash network money that well fear factor money was stupid money It was just like wait, what how much like you could make so much money that didn't make any sense like and so You know, it's like it was the ultimate sort of like The ultimate free pass to do whatever the fuck you wanted other than that

As long as you don't go crazy and go buying yachts and shit Like if you have a lot of money in the bank, you don't have to worry about bills And if you don't have to worry about bills, then you could truly do what you want to do Say what you really think not worry about the repercussions of it So if I was like, well, if I never work in Hollywood again, great I never have to do this again. I'll just do stand-up. You know, I can always do stand-up Yeah, as long as I don't as long as I don't somewhere another stop being funny Which I think only happens if you don't pay attention to it

I mean once you figure out how to be funny, that's just about work and honesty and as long as your brain stays good Yeah, you know, it's not something that you just lose your perspective and with our job too It's like there's always something stupid in the world that you can make fun of there's always There's always some new Steven Seagal show Or at least yourself like I feel like it's hard if you commit to doing a character in stand-up Because then you got to be that guy for the rest of your career, but if you're yourself, wow This guy's a limit man. Those guys that like stopping funny like those guys that like stopping funny They just stopped paying attention to it. Like you said and like they stopped

Well, I think they stop working You know at it and I think they also stop having experiences like we were talking about before You know, you work too much at just doing stand-up and that'll that'll fuck you up You know, that'll definitely not you know, that's not good. And then also sometimes they just don't want to write new material They're scared. They're scared to write new material Yeah, they just want to do it what they know works and then yeah, yeah, there's that there's always that there's always that fear of continuing to create

And you know the fear of going out there with a totally new premise and fucking around. Yeah You know that happens where guys just some also if you work on a television show or something like that That's a nice way to kill your act Yeah, I've seen guys that do do a tv show like a sitcom or something like that You're working, you know five six hours Or not five or six hours five six days a week on on a sitcom and then you try to do stand-up on the weekends You're exhausted You don't have any new material and then they stop doing it for a while like a lot of times like hey

I'm making it take a break. I'll take a little bit of a break. I've seen guys take a year off Take a year off a stand-up. You know, that's like 10 years in real time Like josh mcdermot. Do you know josh mcdermot from the walking dead? He's on the walking dead. Is he a comic? Yeah, he's a comic. He's the scientist on the walking dead the fake scientist. Do you watch the walking dead? You fucked up both of you One of the greatest fucking shows of all time But one of the guys that's on the walking dead. It's hilarious. He's a friend of mine and josh mcdermot I I met him when he was involved in a comedy competition in phoenix

I was in phoenix for the weekend and they had a comedy competition that was actually after my comedy show So they were using the crowd that was there for my show was there on a thursday night And then after my show they had this comedy competition So we stuck around and watched the show and he made me laugh. He was hilarious. He was really funny So I said, hey man, do you want to work with us this weekend? And so I took this kid and he was just you know, I hadn't been doing stand-up that long at all and had him host the shows all weekend and From there like me telling him that he was funny actually gave him the motivation to move to la like he actually talked about it

He was like, dude, you have no idea like that weekend with you changed my life see Doing that winning winner Love it. No, I love it. That's good. That's how I wish people were like that more because it's nice It's nice to hear that. Well, I don't know why they aren't I don't understand I'm hoping they will be more has he stopped doing stand-up though. Yeah, he took a year off the fucker Because he was too well. He was living A while it's like it took an hour to get to the set. He was on the set all day for 16 hours And this is like shooting a movie because their show is not like a sitcom. Exactly, right? It's single camera

Yeah, it's 16 hour days and he has to get there really early to do makeup because he has a crazy mullet So they have to glue his mullet in place grow that shit out. Yeah, that's what I said. Yeah, I want to get laid in real life Like dude, you're on tv though, man. The guy from walking dead. Yeah rocket But uh, he's an awesome guy too. So it's cool. That's awesome. Well, but he took a year off In that fucking year off, you know, he's like I'm going back on stage now I'm doing jokes that aren't even true now because I I take my wedding ring off and I talk about uh, girl. I'm dating That's hilarious. He's like I have jokes about being single like when I'm now married. It's like I need to write new jokes Yeah, I know this guy. I love him. Yeah, he's a good dude. Oh, yeah

Years ago really good dude and that's his favorite show So he's so psyched that he got cast on his favorite show. It was his favorite show before he got on it Wow, and then all of a sudden, you know, he goes in for the audition and they're like And then I'm sitting at home watching the show because it's one of my favorite shows. I'm like, yeah Fucking that's josh. Like what? I'm looking at him. Like I don't even want to believe it. I'm like, where do I recognize that guy from? Like what the fuck and then we started talking about in the podcast I'm like, that's josh mcdermot because he looks different with the with the haircut

But I'm like I had to like sink it up in my hand. I'm like, look at that motherfucker God damn, that's so cool to be cast on a show that you love. I know I want to get on better call sol Is there a part for me in there? Is that really good? Fuck. I love that show. Yeah, it's only it's my favorite thing right now Third episode aired last night. We're gonna watch it today, but the first two phenomenon. They knock it out of the park Well, it's the walking dead. I mean the breaking bad. Yeah, and he's my favorite character from breaking bad. I just love it He's such a piece of shit. Yeah I love so well written the character of those those breaking badness are just like the writing is just unbelievable. That's awesome Yeah, that's awesome. Um, do you want to ask the classic? Yeah, dude. All right, let's go. Let's give it to him

I'm gonna need your help. It's been a while. Yeah, okay. I'll give him that one. I'll do the other one for her We're gonna wrap this up. Yeah, um, we have to ask you These are a would you rather? So we have the original would you rather so The mother of all the mother of all it's very telling just People's you know, it shows us your Your your way of thinking basic. Okay, so would you rather It's christmas morning

I already know his answer. You know. Yeah. Yeah. He's gonna be quick with it too, right? Yeah Um christmas morning your whole family relatives aunts uncles grandma Everybody's at the house. You're about to open presents. I'm like, can we open presents and you go? Not yet And you gather everybody in the living room and you put in a dvd your grandma's there. Yeah, everybody There's like 40 people. Okay, press play on the dvd. Would you rather it be 10

homeless ladies masturbate to completion They squirt on your face And then you lick up the last of it and go like merry christmas into the camera. Okay, but they're squirting on you Yes, you're just there. All right. You're like on your knees, you know, you're tied up By the way, I don't believe in squirting. They're peeing. I don't either. I agree. Okay, so they're peeing on you. Yeah, or You press play on the dvd and you

Are alone And you masturbate to completion And then you go merry christmas everybody Merry christmas. I'll go with the old ladies now. Wow. What's your what's your life? Why why tell us why because at least i'm the victim there And that's exactly my logic. So but walk us through that. You're the victim Yeah, look it's it's it's awful. I'm taking squirts to the face Right, but i'm not like forcing anybody to watch me beat off, which is just an asshole thing to do

It's like everybody sit down. This is how I do work Because my answer was to joke off Was it to lie? Yeah To be an asshole See I would I would just take it in the face and just Wash up, but the nice thing is then you go now we can open presents everybody The nice thing is that after you're forcing to watch some dvd And what would be the purpose like there would be a gun to your head or money you can win

You were on your mom's house and you get played with you rather Just for fun. Okay. Okay. Make sense now. Now you get it now. I totally get it But I think it's a responsibility thing, which is how he saw it like do I am I gonna do this to someone? Or am I just gonna be a victim? You gotta take it in the face. Yeah, I choose to be the victim I do not want to fucking well also as a dad You know like I have kids like i'm not beating off in front of my kids And I also am the one who always gets dirty like if there's anything wrong like that's a wipe it on my shirt Come on wipe it on my shirt. Yeah, like my daughter will have a booger on her face. I just go wipe it on my shirt

She's like really I don't care right, but on my shirt like like they laugh that they can wipe anything on daddy's clothes It's really fun I don't mind. I mean like I'm not happy to have boogers all over me But if it's also you it's between me or kids. Yeah, but it's also yeah, there's that But if it's between me feeling bad or them feeling bad, I'll always feel bad. Yeah, that's good. You're a good dad I've put boogers on your shirts for years Shit it was you Now this one actually might give them pause this one. I hope yeah, okay ready? Okay, so would you rather for an entire

No, let's do this for the rest of your life Okay, for the rest of your life you can never work out ever again Or never have another orgasm ever again Hmm see wow that's a tough one I would go with uh never have an orgasm Wow Interesting because if I never worked out again, I'd be an insufferable fuck who nobody wanted to have sex with anyway So I wouldn't be able to get any nuts off unless I was just beating off by myself and that shit would be lonely

Just you keep making Christmas DVDs for everybody for me For me the idea of never working out again is terrifying because I it's like I take a drug away from me. Yeah, yeah Yeah, it's like you get you're one of those people too like when you do the real Like I've been on the road with you and we hit a gym and like this wave like the endorphins really kicking for you There's a wave of calm and joy come over you after like a crazy workout. Yeah, you gotta let the monkey out of the cage Yeah, yeah, gotta lift some weights. I've also been with you like seeing you come a lot and I'm Like you seem pretty happy too All right, let's go do this show man. Yeah. Yeah

Oh man This was really fun. Thank you for coming over. I had a great time. Thank you. You did your mom's house Um, do you want you to ask me real quick biggie Smalls? Or the Beatles if you could have you're having a party and um, all your friends are coming over and you could have They're gonna hit the stage and play the hits. Would you have would rather have biggie or the Beatles? They're gonna play the hits like karaoke It's all set up. You can either have biggie play his jams. Oh biggie for sure. Wow because Beatles for karaoke. Yeah, that's annoying

Yeah, biggie is like fun to do karaoke too. Okay Or just how about not karaoke? How about just for fun time? It's just like it's a party backer party Who do you have play biggie? Wow biggie's more festive? Wow Beatles is great and everything Beatles is like uh dinner music. Wow party music is biggie. This was my argument I thought I knew you and um, I love the Beatles But you make me choose between biggie and the Beatles for a party for a party Look, dudes are wearing crazy sunglasses. Some people don't have their pants on someone jumps in the pool

What's playing let it be the fuck out of here. Yeah biggie's playing. Yeah Yeah, well, you know It's a different vibe But okay Beatles party. You're all smoking dope. We're smoking weed. We're getting weird when that's going on with biggie too Expanding our minds. We're all getting naked. We're all putting patchouli on That's true. Yeah, you know psychedelic Look papa been smooth since days of under-roos I don't even know what I'm saying. Is that a rap song? Is that a is that a

Are you working on your rap? How dare you papa been smooth since days of under-roos? No, bro. Oh my god. I like I like alternative Joe Rogan net Thousand Ranch.com. Yes, Tom Segura.com. We'll see you all on black twitter and Thanks for listening to your mom's house about this fucking bye guys. It's not a real debate guy It's a hundred percent real debate money money money pussy Monday And if you don't know now, you know

I Is on my wall I let my tape rock to my tape Remember Born-center the opposite over when I remember when I used to eat sardine for dinner You don't say