Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Meet Me At Café Bích Nga | Your Mom's House Ep. 831

Episode Date: October 8, 2025

New Jersey and and New York Tom's coming to you Oct. 15th, 17th and 18th. Make sure to get your tickets at https://TomSegura.com/Tour SPONSORS: - Tear. Pour. Live More. Go to http://LIQUID-IV.COM and get 20% off your first order with code YMH at checkout. - Head to https://Mood.com and use code YOURMOM to find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for, and let Mood help you discover YOUR perfect mood. Welcome back to the Mommy Dome! Tom Segura and Christina P are bleeding with laughter this week—literally. From syncing up their “cycles” to debating who actually looks at their own turds, the mommydom gets raw, messy, and very YMH. Christina shares her discovery that she might be a femboy thanks to TikTok, the two lose it over a Vietnamese café, and a drunk casino regular goes viral for swearing revenge on Encore at 10:30 in the morning. Things get even wilder with a Miami tax-prep guru who doubles as a bizarre influencer, a heated dental update with a hygiene showdown where Tom insists he “knows gums,” and Christina’s revelation about her biggest fear of turning into an emotional vampire. It's bloody good time this week at Your Mom’s House! Your Mom’s House Ep. 831 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:05:33 - Opening Clip: Cafe Bich Nga 00:13:41 - A History Lesson 00:21:16 - Boston Gambler 00:27:20 - Cool Accountant 00:33:33 - Clip: Catching Poops 00:37:05 - Clip: Happy Birthday Fatty 00:37:29 - DENTAL UPDATE 00:43:36 - Horrible Or Hilarious 00:51:11 - The Person You're Afraid Of Becoming 00:58:32 - Clip: Rollercoaster Barf 00:58:56 - Clip: Road Rage Cabron 01:03:46 - TikToks 01:18:09 - Closing Song -"Alpha Advice" by WavKingz Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's everybody, and happy October next week. I'm bringing my coming together tour to New Jersey and New York. I'll be in Newark at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center on October 15th, then Brooklyn at King's Theater on Friday, October 17th, followed by Westbury at the Flagstar at Westbury Music Fair for two shows on Saturday, October 18th. The 5 p.m. show is sold out. You can try to get tickets for the 8.30 p.m. show. Tickets and all info.

momsegoer.com slash tour. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to the show. Welcome. This is your mama's place. She's Christine. I'm Tim.

Let's rock and roll. What's going on? You don't seem like you're in a good mood. Is it because you visited the dentist this morning? I mean, I didn't enjoy it, if that's what you're asking. Yeah. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't like it. What's going on? I didn't enjoy it. I didn't like it. Yeah. Yeah. Were you going to talk about it? Maybe later. Okay. Yeah. I'm here for you. I want to hear it, though. Thanks. How's your morning?

It was cool. I'm granchy. I'm like, I'm in a bad mood, honestly. I just woke up kind of grumpy. And I know what it is. I'm getting my period. Maybe that's what it is for me too. Yeah. My period's starting. When it started. No, I mean, I feel it coming. Same. And it's like, God, already. Just let the beat drop. Blood drop. Yeah. Because once it does, it's like, okay, now I can handle life again. But I'm literally, I'm going insane.

It's the anticipation of it. Right? You too? Same, same. Do you get anxious too? Anxious, grumpy, the whole thing. And what about your cramps? How are those doing? They're ramping up. Yeah. Oh.

How many days is your cycle now? seven it's seven days long and then how many days in between your cycles i don't know 21 wow you're bleeding a lot like every three weeks yeah wow that's that's kind of a heavy flow i still produce a lot of eggs you sure do yeah yeah do you feel it when you ovulate course the thing is a lot of people don't know that the whole purpose of this pie podcast has been to just normalize men having periods. Duh. Yeah.

Duh. And we've been a huge proponent of that since the dawn of time. Yeah. Before anybody else was talking about it. I know. And then society was like, hey, everybody, men have periods. And we were like, we've been saying that since. What, 2010, bro?

What's your definition of a man? First of all, I'm a femme boy. Did you know that? You? I'm a femme boy. I found out today on TikTok. Well, how did you find that out? Heather Mills did a social media thing

where they take a picture of you and then it matches you to the audio. I'm a femboy. What does that mean? What does that mean? What does anything mean? What does it matter? No, not what does anything mean?

What does that mean? What does it matter? I just am. What's a femboy? Can you look that off? That means you're a dude, right? Femboy refers to a male or non-binary person.

Yes. non-binary person using aesthetically and culturally female elements to express oh you're you're that's so gay yeah you're gay you know why i think it's because i'm wearing this little lord fauntleroy type shirt and i have little lord fauntleroy hair and i think it picked up on those kind of gayish femboy vibes yeah i'm a dandy i'm dressed like a dandy you are kind of dandyish i'm a dandy yeah can one of you swing the monitor out do you mind oh shit How the fuck did that happen? No, probably somebody moved it.

Who the fuck moved that? I don't know. Somebody. It's probably while we were doing that. Beautiful, thank you. It's fine. That's no big deal. It's just harder to see when it's flat.

What do you want to fucking yell at somebody? I want you to yell at somebody. No. Because I'm on my period. Oh, right. Does it feel satisfying when somebody like dresses someone down for you? I like it when you do it because I don't, I don't have the courage to do that. try it

it's not my style but just give it a shot I do it okay here's when I do it at night when I'm falling asleep to yourself in your head fucking any you know the monitor

supposed to be facing me why isn't it you fucking hate me she just shows a random name yeah it's just not her show but I know that you take it personally do you say the N word in your head in your head

no it doesn't always go there with whites any it's fine if it's in your head first of all yes it does but it's just in your head you assume that all whites think that word at you nigger what was that was that her inner thoughts that was that one knickers that's you that's not me that's you at night right next to your pillow oh my god just this niggas do you like that's that j j yeah oh my god that's an old that's old cut

That's a deep kind of right there, Broham. Yep. I don't always think the N word now. Yeah, okay. All right. Do you know what I love is when my favorite is when white people admit to having said the word once in their life. Or they're like, I may have said it once. Of course.

In an interview too? They're in an interview. You're like, what, is there footage of it? Crazy? Yeah. So stupid. Don't even talk about it. That is the dumbest thing that the dumbest thing that people.

people do well yes I was it was 1963 yeah you don't have to tell people yeah just don't don't talk about it just lie have you not lied before Jesus all right so let's get back to the show and in keeping with the theme of the last few seconds let's open the show here you go so I have just arrived at cafe bitch niggott in 10,000. before it is Vietnamese food and I'm very excited for what's to come so when you first walk in you know it's actually very clean like it doesn't give you know cafe bitch niggard if that's shit I was laughing don't bring anyone mother's bad it doesn't give it doesn't give

and Christina Pugin Welcome to your mom's house Miao, Miao, Miao, Miao. Miao. That's good shit. Yeah. Cafe bitch, niggit. Okay, so.

He said it's not giving the vibes. It's not giving those vibes. What did he assume? Hi. Hi, how are you? Can I ask you, how do you pronounce the name of the cafe? A cafe, bick, yeah. Are these like the little pants?

Yes, I can give you that for free. This is our name, Cafe Biknang. Diknya. I love Bikna. She said she can give it to you for free. I heard the same thing. Because you're a Biknian. Because you know what you're doing.

Well, I see a Bik Nya, and I know a Bik Nya when I see one. Yeah. But she charges other people a dollar. Yeah. She's like, oh, we get this sometimes. Cafe bitch nigga And then we also had one I think in Houston

We had this one Somebody tell me how they say it is In Japanese Or Chinese or Vietnamese Or the other knees This shit say bitch nigga Don't it Tell me it don't say

Bitch nigga Tell me Right And like They know what they're doing It's apparently Like so widely used In the U.S.

There's like a thousand of these. Wow. Yeah, so it must be very common in Vietnamese. That, and there was one in San Francisco called Fucket Ty. Oh, yeah. P-H-U-K. Pouquet? Yeah, you know what you're doing.

Well, you know, you have to know, whenever you travel, you learn, oh, if you say that, like, you say fanny in the UK, they're like, you know what that means here, right? Yeah. So if you open your fanny shop, it would be like, you know, worth note, it'd be notable. People would be like, hey, aren't you aware of it? what you're saying here. Yeah. It's kind of strange, right? Bikna.

Bikna. It's not Bikna. No. And the whites can't say it. You know what you're doing. Nobody knows. You know what you're doing. And not only that, like, you're in, you're in whitey neighborhoods.

But that kind of leads me to believe that if you open a bicknaw somewhere in the United States, you're really only trying to get other Vietnamese people to frequent it because they're going, oh, bicknah. Like, I love Biknah, you know, so. right but if you're if you're like oh i'm trying to get a broader fan base to come in here mikna might not be the best that's a good point tom but maybe rebrand maybe the food is so good at bickna it's only for the vietnamese you know how they like i'm telling you know when you're in a good spot if there's no no whitey's and it's it's just a good i'm saying a good asian food spot is

the one frequented by non-whites a hundred thousand million percent you walk in and they're like What are you doing here? You're like, can I? And you're like, okay. Or there's only pictures of the food and like no written menu. And old communist leaders. And you're like, hey, this is kind of cool. Yeah.

Remember when we went to that Korean? Is that pole pot? This should be real good here. He watches over you. Yeah. Is that poll pot? Glorious leader. Strong decisions.

He wipe out all the bad people. And then we leave and we open bignacier. You're like, cool, man. You like foe? You like fao? Huh? Fa. And then white people discovered far.

You fan a Ho Chi Man? Yeah. Yeah, he's cool. Yeah. Ho Chi Men soup. Yeah. Yeah. You eat, you like.

You like Mao? Yeah, Mao was great. This show is sponsored by Liquid Ivy. My key to making the switch from days filled with tan lines to ones filled with deadlines is to prioritize exercise. Thanks to Liquid IV's new sugar-free hydrating multiplier, sugar-free energy, I can skip the sugar and the crash. I am a huge, huge fan of this product. I use Liquid-I-V literally every day. I travel with it. I had one every night before bed because I like having that electrolyte boost before bed. I wake up and I train and I feel so much better. It's scientifically formulated

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This is a really great product that, like they said, you can take for any kind of mood you're looking for. That's what I love, the variety. So head to mood.com, find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for, and don't forget to use the promo code, your mom, when you check out to save 20% off your first order. So here we are at our favorite German gerbils cafe. Well, that's the one culture that can't. Well, they want to. They want to.

They do it down in South America. You're like, wow, this is crazy. There's this German village here in Argentina. How'd this come about? Really? And they have no bones about it because Argentinians are like, welcome. They're not like in Buenos Aires, but they'll go to like, you know, some coastal smaller town. And they're like, you like?

They have to fly in all their sauces. from the old country. You like to try? Yeah, that sounds cool. Is there an Argentine? How'd you guys end up here? Is there a cuisine that's Argentinian mixed with German? I'm sure.

I'm sure you can find it. Yeah. They went there and they went to Brazil. And then a couple up, but like in numbers, you know. Does that explain why there are so many meats in Brazilian cuisine? That I don't know. Because the crowds love their meats. The crowds do.

And snossages. You know me. I love the German snossies. Yeah. The Wiener Schnitzel. all these good things we're always wanted to come to argentina it's so lovely here it's the sun's shining the sun and shines all the time far from your roots what took you here how come why did the argentinians welcome

them with open arms i don't know it's a really interesting thing to explore are they anti-yudens as well i have no idea there's clearly a story like let's google it yeah let's Let's see, why did... Let's use the fucking computer machine. Everyone else was like, no thank you. Argentina. Argentina allowed, we make it a little bigger? I was like, come over.

Let's see, they allowed many Germans and Nazi collaborators and fleeing Nazi officials into the country due to a combination of factors. A large German-speaking population. No shit. Strong culture and economic ties to Germany. Sympathy among some Argentines for the fascist ideology. a desire to acquire German technological and scientific expertise

and a willingness to facilitate escape routes to avoid war crimes prosecution. That's called a collaborator. Yeah. Aiden and a betton. You guys, you have trouble? It's not trouble here. Because eventually they could hunt them down in Argentina, right?

Eventually, they could hunt them down and they got them like Eichmann. Israelis made it a huge, you know, mission of theirs to track down every last one. They got a lot of them. Good. Some of them got to live their lives, just kind of kept going. That's not fair. Yeah. That's not very nice, isn't it? Yeah. So, I mean, it looks like, yeah, people in power down there back then were like, big deal. I know. But it's so important that you go to war with countries that have good cuisine. Yeah. Because, you know, the Vietnam War brought us this place, Bich Nya, Bich Nya. Bich Nya. Yeah. You don't want to go to war. Like, unfortunately, we did with Afghanistan. Not the best. Did the Germans influence Argentine cuisine? Let's see that.

Oh. Because what is Argentine food? Well, I always think of meats. Meats and taters. I'm sure it's a little deeper than that. So let's see. Crout. Yes. German immigrants and their descendants have influenced Argentine cuisine, particularly in the eastern and Patagonian regions of Argentina, including dishes like sauerkraut, various types of sausages and goulash, and the creation of pastries known as facturas. Now that's very popular. I didn't know that was influenced by them. Those are the Argentine versions of Vienneseri. I don't know how to say that. While the influence of Italian and Spanish immigration is much larger, Germany culture has left its culinary mark on the country, and we thank you for that.

So there are in fact Sourcoutes sausages, goulash Fakturas. It credits the crouts for goulash. This is wrong factually, please. I've had Facturas and that's like the little pastries that are there. Let me see. What are they like? I like that. It sounds fucking great. You've got to go there just to eat.

Yeah. Hey guys, quick announcement before we proceed. I am wearing a new shade of liquid lipstick. You think that's a good way to segue into your ad? Whatever. Hey, guys. I'm wearing evermore liquid lipstick.

This shade will be coming out in the winter. But Nocturne is out right now. And then I have two colors of Velvet Crush blush, which is fantastic. Tom, you know how you wear blushes? Yeah. Well, I open it up. It's a compact and it's so buttery soft. And then the warmth of your skin activates it.

Just like that. Just like that. And you put it on and the color stick, it doesn't, it doesn't. It doesn't make your cheek sticky. You know how you wear sometimes cream blush and it sticks to your hair all day? I fucking hate that. It's the fucking worst. Yes.

Well, this one I've developed, it doesn't stick to your hair all day long and evermore liquid lipstick lasts for so long. Incredible. And whimsy kiss, shimmer, gloss in the shade of Just Like Honey. Trot out right now, Christina p.com. Also, you are on sale. I'm going to increase the price to $2,000. There we go.

Tom. I can't do this work last time. You just kept raising the price. I sold fuck around and find out for $60,000 U.S. dollars. And you can buy the prints for fuck around and find out right now on my MH studios.com. This one is unique. My head is covering the best part of the drawing because, you know, the squares. Yeah, the least accurate part of the drawing.

You know, I'm just trying to do my best, Tom. I just, I'm an artist. I'm learning. I'm not perfect. Okay. What? You can buy this too, the original. We'll see if I sell prints.

I don't know. I'm an artist. Do what I want. You look so strong there. I can't believe you're griping about one part of the drawing. The rest of it's so strong. It's not very flattering. What are you talking about?

Look how yoked you are, bro. No, the part that you covered up is not very flattering. I think it is. I think it is. I think you're just having a low self-esteem moment on your period. And this is not the reflection of reality. Okay. so um don't you hate that when your confidence get shattered on your period too can get that

that knocked you down an extra peg doesn't it oh just in the toilet this you kind of want the period to end after that do i'm sweating already too sweat and like a how long till it's over over you think for me like having periods not soon enough i'm fucking almost 50 and i'm still doing this i know so when will it just like tap when will the well go dry five years hopefully five more Years of this shit. Because what happens is it doesn't just, the faucet doesn't just shut off. It's like a slow, miserable drip. So like you won't get a period one month and then you'll get one. And then you'll feel like you're getting it. But then it never comes. So nature destroys you before it takes it away. Yeah. It's just, you know how it is. But you've got a few more years on yours. I'm sure I do. Yeah. Can't wait for it to stop though. Gosh. When did you get your period? First? 13. Yeah, me too. Same. Oh, wow. yeah that's crazy yeah that's so weird so strange um so this is just fun for me to play this one because this is a guy you know we we work in basically the nightclub world yeah so we're in comedy clubs theaters casinos arena all that is like a nighttime activity and there's always

a couple knuckleheads that make it into one of those venues and sometimes they're asked to leave. And what's interesting is how they react when they're asked to leave. Piece of shit, fat fuck over here. Fucking threw me out of the casino. Fucking business I was swearing. Piece of crap, motherfucker over here.

You won't be seeing me here anymore. I think that's what they want. This is the fucking last time that I'm fucking doing a video in this fucking casino. This fucking piece of shit fucking casino. You know, fucking, they treat their fucking customers like shit. Yeah. Fucking guy over there sitting, sitting over there next to me,

fucking not even drinking a bear or gambling on the game, you know? Yeah. So I wonder if the encore will recover, you know, from having, like, a whale like this decide to take his money elsewhere, you know? Yeah, I'll tell you the one consistent thing I've noticed about the people that, get ejected from events is that you never regret that decision never to be like this guy needs to leave because they always do this they protest i was just having fun you're like no you weren't you're being a douche you know you know i had this lady a couple weeks ago at a show second row second row

there we go just talking talking and so you know when you're in bigger venues sometimes you hear little things you go i'm not going to address everything but when it's like you go oh this is continuing to And you're also trying to perform, right? So you're focusing and I'm just keep here. And I was like, I'm sorry, what is going on? What are you, what are you saying? What are you saying? You keep talking.

What are you saying? She was like, oh, I was telling my son that, you know, because I was telling him that I got his water. And I go, what? What kind of sentence is that? She's like, no, I just, my son's over here. And then, so I'm sitting over. I was telling him, and I go, this doesn't make, I don't understand what you're saying. Can you, can you be done?

And she's like, yeah, I mean, all right. I'm like, you know you're in the second row, right? Everyone around you was hearing you talk this whole time. And then you're like, oh, you can't be, you're not with it, right? You're something's going on. So I just see, I'm like, okay, I don't, I don't even say like get her out of here. I'm like, all right, let's just try to regroup. So we keep going, and then I see security come over, talk to her.

and she walks out with them and a few minutes later I'm like is she gone and then the guy the son is like I don't know I'm like is that your mom he's like yeah like is she leaving did she leave and he's like I don't know and then I'm like so are you staying he's like I mean I guess I'm like okay and then like 10 minutes later he was gone and so they just left right but everything was better yeah when they left well it's an energy shift in the room too because it's like Like, everybody around those people are annoyed as well. They're all, that's the thing that is never fully comprehended by people is that when you're like, I mean, everyone who's at that table gambling was like, Jesus, this guy, right? Everyone who's at the show is like, I'm trying to watch the show, but I can't because you keep fucking talking.

It's almost always drunk too, right? Oh, that's why. It's usually what's going on. I think he has a little more of this guy. It's all very eloquent. Like, you kind of end up siding with him when he puts it like this. Sure. And they throw me the fuck out

And they keep him in there You know what Fucking nobody come to this fucking piece of shit Rat hole motherfucking casino They suck Yeah Over here Yeah

I won't be fucking coming in this fucking place Anytime soon This fucking piece of shit Fucking piece of crap Motherfucker fat Mother fucking bitch It looks nice I was gonna say

It's not a piece of crap Actually Fucking aggravated with these fuckers Fucking I won't see another fucking nickel of my money in this fucking place. Yeah. Oh, he got his point across. Yeah.

I don't know that it's a piece of it looks very well maintained. Yeah, I've done a lot of casinos. I've been to a piece of shit casinos. That doesn't look like one. No. That's a really fancy one. You want a key thing that I noticed? What's that?

It's broad daylight outside. It's like 10.30 in the fucking morning. It's like on one. He's really on one. Fucking encore. Yeah. Yeah. Encore. He's really, also, you know, you're always toeing a fine line when you're fat and you call someone else fat and your anger because you know you want it to be, look at this fat fuck. And then everyone's like, hey, you're pretty fat. It's like fat fucking fat fuck. And you're like, you're kind of a fat fuck. Yeah.

The Hulu original series Murdoch Death and the Family dives into secrets, deception, murder, and the fall. All of a powerful dynasty. Inspired by shocking actual events and drawing from the hit podcast, this series brings the drama to the screen like never before. Starring Academy Award winner Patricia Arquette and Jason Clark. Watch the Hulu original series Murdoch Death and the Family, streaming October 15th on Disney Plus.

With the RBC Avion Visa, you can book any airline, any flight, any time. So start ticking off your travel list. Grand Canyon? Grand. Great Barrier Reef? Great. Galapagos? Galapagos? Switch and get up to 55,000 Avion points that never expire. Your idea of never missing out happens here. Conditions apply. Visit rbc.com slash avion. Yeah, that's true because I would never call someone like, you old bitch. I'm like, well, I'm... Yeah, you start going like, hey, you bald fuck.

Yeah, that makes sense. Fuckin piece of shit Fucking piece of crap Motherfucker Fat motherfucking bitch Yeah That's a good swear That is good

That is good He was really holding on to a lot Fat motherfucker I wonder how welcome you will be In other establishments after this I don't know Maybe other casinos We don't know if we want your millions here sir

Your millions Yeah Yeah he must be a big baller because he can tell them to F off and he's not afraid of the repercussions. He's not afraid at all. Gosh. Yeah. He's not afraid.

Some dudes are just confident. Yeah. They know who they are. They know what they have. Like this guy. I'm Mike Fidelity from Fidelity and Associates. We're here in South Beach to provide income tax and IRS services to high net worth athletes and entertainers who have many serious IRS problems. If you do, DM me and we'll get you out of all your problems.

I would love to meet her. oh my god i just want to know are you okay yeah have you been trafficked what type of pills are you on do you have any life goals those are like the four or five questions she is so over his bullshit she is so dead to him yeah you need to pay her a little more sit with me while i do this ad this finance ad with your tits out don't blink oh yeah she doesn't blank the whole time. I mean, that was really kind of scary. Yeah, she's on drugs. Yeah. The age. Damn. That was... I believe he can help me, though, get out of my IRS trouble. Yeah. This guy knows his way around the cause. Mike Fidel, Fidelity. Yeah. He's 63. He's an alpha male, of course, CEO, income tax strategist. Yeah. He's saved over $2.2 billion, it says, in taxes and IRS debt. Oh, wow. At 49, he placed 221st in the Miami half marathon.

I've never somebody heard anybody say that for anything. You know, this guy and I are the same age. Yeah. No, no, he's 63. Okay. When he was 49. Oh, okay.

He's letting people know that he finished 221st in a half marathon. Two hundred twenty first. All right. Later, at the age of 53, he placed 196 in the same marathon. Okay? He also claims to own an orphanage. That's a tax ride off. He's calling out celebrities.

athletes in South Beach for income tax strategy help trying to get more clients can we see hold on can we just talk about this limo that he's rented that limo is from 1984 it's not with the sparkles no that's a rolls royce i'm guessing but why does it have sparkles they do that on the roof now yeah on the royce royce that's how my mother used to say yeah that's a royce royce yeah he's probably sitting in like a fucking 500,000 oh my i thought that was a crummy limo Oh, there he is. Look at his hair there. Oh, there she is.

And she's as alive as she were as in the last video. Yeah, she's upset. It's Mike Fidelity for Fidelity and Associates. We're here in South Beach. We're here to provide services for income tax and IRS problems to high net worth, athletes, and entertainers who have many serious IRS problems. If you do, DM me, and we'll get you out all your problems. That's it, huh? Do you think he's giving her direct?

like hey look like you're a bad bitch I like him in the mornings here like in this middle one the passport video this is without all let's see that this is the real guy let's see what's up oh no problem okay did you get a letter

from the IRS or from the state department that says that your passport has been either blocked or revoked yeah they are well they said that I owe IRS and so they had thing my point is because I

I know you're busy. And I make an appointment with you in about a week or so, based on your schedule. Yeah, that's fine. And come out there? Yeah, I mean, it's probably kind of urgent on your part, I guess. You know, we're getting all our individuals in corporate to do by October 15th. If you could come a little after that. I mean, you know what, actually, I tell you what, why don't you, if you can come later in this week

or next week Anytime Yeah, this is the call you chose After 12 Like an actual It's not providing information Okay, you can close this one Like that is the fucking

He basically just played like I need to have a dermatology appointment And they're like I don't know Is Thursday okay? So how's your schedule lining up? Well I have a mole I don't know I'd like you to look at it

Like that wasn't informative Oh there he is age 49 He's still holding on to his He really loves that stat Place 221st See I told you Yeah Now the one to the

left with the two chicks is this an ad oh no 263 28 any questions that's a it's an interesting way to market your financial like you know i mean like your savviness but the guy that's evading paying their taxes yeah they like the shit i think yeah it's it's a mentality right yeah i do like that he was smart enough to be like i'm colorblind I like women of every shape and size. Well, he's in Miami. So he's got to appeal to if there's athletes and such. Yeah, you got to appeal to all the demos down there.

That's all kinds of peeps. Wow. Listen, he's in great shape for 63 years young. He looks great. I hate when people do that, by the way. I'm 69 years young. I've heard that. That's so gross.

The flip on, I love someone to death. I love you to death. I love you to life. I'm like, what? that's so bizarre you know it's almost as annoying is when people stop saying he did a complete 180 and they go he did a complete 360 oh yeah or what is it the other way around yeah no no is it a complete they used to be if you do a 360 you're exactly who you were right yeah and that's what everybody said up until like five years ago he did this 360 man and you're like so he's the same he's

the same person and but then everyone figured out that it's 180 yeah and then we all switched to saying 180 but I'm okay with 360 like I understand the intent right of 360 I'm not totally retarded yeah well this you might find this totally retarded but then again too literal might be somebody who goes I get it yeah I don't know you might get this the way some of the things you've said that are so alarming yeah you didn't realize that like you you know you have to dry off with a towel yeah and you use I still hate it nap you know you pant napkins yep so it Let's see what you think of this. Now, I've never shit in the tissue before.

You shit, you touch shit every single day if you shit. Why are you touching the shit? The tissue is for the shit. You telling me that y'all just let the doodle fall in the toilet? Y'all don't catch it every time? I am about to leave, bro. How do y'all check a shit? I must have seen this shit wrong.

My nigga. I've been catching my shit all these years. Now, I'm more disgusted than, like, I feel like I can't continue. What are you talking about? I'm, my stomach is turning. So, hold on. So y'all just sit there and shit right, come right out. No way.

What happens if you got the runs or something like that? What do you do then? That shit, you wash your head. Why do you think people wash their hand? Yo, you shit in your hand, bro? With tissue. Well, I do like that he is examining what's coming out of him. It's very important.

He's definitely doing that. And also, you might take a lesson. because you will be going to the Middle East soon and you wipe with your right, right and shake with your left? You wipe with your left and shake with your right. Are you sure? Can we Google that? I don't need to Google.

You wipe with your right. No. You wipe with your left. Yes. You shake with your right. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway, this guy shits into his hand.

On the tissue. He catches shit as it comes out. On the tissue. The right hand is for shaking. hands and the left hand is for wiping after using the toilet yeah yeah but you don't you wipe just with your hand and not toilet paper right in the middle east they actually literally wipe on their hands i don't know i don't know you're gonna find out no no one's gonna be there with me i'm still gonna shit alone they'll tell you is this dude what's this called the bully

bully beast what's it called bully podcast the bully and the beast radio show it's not on anymore oh so it's an older clip this guy though was saying that he has tissue in his hand and he catches the shit i love this that's what i told you i love it i knew you would and i wish i had the courage to do it you do have the courage to do it you do have the courage it scares me how hot it is in your hand when you would catch it i'd be like it's still warm but then you could really like I like that idea of examining what's coming out. Don't you? No.

You don't like the idea of really getting and seeing. I've never looked, dude. I've never looked. You say this? I don't believe you. I've never looked. You don't look at your browns. I mean, in, let's say I've taken 30,000 shits, I've looked at six.

Yeah. I look every time. Never look. You have to look to see. I'll tell you why you don't, because I've never done it, so you don't. I don't. But then you don't know the health. Don't care.

Of your browns. Doesn't bother me. Then you don't know if your diet is okay. Flush. I just hit flush and it's gone and then I clean myself and then I leave. If the turd falls to the bottom, that means it's good. If it goes to the top, it means it's too greasy. Great.

You're eating too much grease. You've got to assess your bowel movement. Look, this guy's got everything right in life. I don't know what this chick is tripping because he's right on. She's not tripping. She is being a normal human. Yes. No, this guy's got the right idea.

You're out of your mind. His mom did the right thing. You've got to teach them how to look at their do-dos. Well, just for your response on that. Happy birthday, fat, pussy girl. I like you. I like keeping it. Happy birthday, fat, clean, tight, and good.

Happy birthday, fat, pussy tight, and good. I don't like it. Okay, thank you. I don't like it. like him i don't like the song that's why i played it fucking hate it hey let's talk about your dental update nope let's talk about something else no no no now i really want to know your i don't care so let's figure out this is the ymh audience is on tender hooks they are not they love this stuff this is a huge ym h thing this is as important as pulling your jeans up dental updates

i don't want to do it jean yes it's been so long since you've had one probably too long That's why you hate it I get my teeth clean regularly I don't think you do and I think that's why you've probably got bad news Go ahead Go ahead I've been on a great cleaning schedule actually

And then this tour I think I've had to reschedule this appointment five times So that really bummed me out Yeah Yeah So I ended up taking instead of being on the six-month schedule, it's like a year.

It's been like 14 months or something. So I was just more sensitive, you know? Like the cleaning made it more, I was just more sensitive. Was there a lot of blood? No, not a lot of blood. In the cleaning? No, no blood.

You were more sensitive. I was just like really sensitive to the, like, you know, nerve-wise, like when they're scraping and stuff, I was just like, I was really hating it, yeah. And then when she graced, rated your teeth did you hear her call out the numbers did you give you a score yeah yeah like around yes did you hear a lot of ones no what did you hear twos and threes yeah okay that's where you want to be you want to be twos and threes you're more in the ones no I was there was no

one five no no there was no which one is I forget which ones the bloodier the bludder your gums are it just sucked dude it's like five you it's just Just the feelings. Yeah, the feelings were horrible, yeah. Did she find any cavities? Yeah. How many were you talking? She said it's really small, but she goes, I found one starting.

Wow. Yeah. Where? Over here. Oh, boy. Yeah. Moeller. Yeah.

You're going to, did you make an appointment to have it filled? I said let it go. Yeah. Let it turn into a root canal. Those are fun. Yeah. Zero, healthy gums. Oh, so I usually get zero.

Oh, no. Now you're like, oh, you're three. You're three. Severe gum disease with significant bone loss and potential tooth loss. She was screaming out twos and threes. Moderate gum disease with deeper pockets and increased inflammation. Yeah, you're up four, threes, twos. Yeah, I'm zeros all the way.

That's not true. Zero's. This is what the gum grading system? Yeah, like, you know, when she pokes you and she tells the assistant, okay, the number 47, that's a four, a three. In the office, she said, you want to be twos and threes. she probably said that just you know okay well this is what she said

she goes you want to be two is the threes okay this is the grading system that I don't think they're using there it's universal it's not universal it is otherwise how would they you know what I know for sure

I'll tell you what I know for sure you don't know fucking shit about gums that's what I know for sure there's not a fucking thing you know about gums you're not a periodontist you're not a fucking technician you're not a dentist you don't know what I did you don't know what the fuck you're talking about right now you don't know what the fuck I did you don't know what I did before I became a comedian yeah I do I know you spent a week in law school you've said it a bunch and I studied periodontical dontistry dummy yeah you studied what

periodicals things dip shit you think I don't fucking know I floss every day and I use the fucking the thing to get in between switch your bio today to what i don't know fuck about shit wow yeah you know what you're just grumpy because you got a stupid ass fucking cavity you know you got to go back but isn't it nice please our dentist they play those cute little animal videos for you did you get to see the animal videos that was cute though right it was a good distraction yeah it's on the ceiling so you look up and you see dogs and cats and yeah i like that and then she'll give you Nitris, if you want a party, but only if you're ready to party. I didn't get any of it.

Yo, but when you get your filling, ask for the nitrous. Oh, fuck, yeah. It's so fun. But bring a pad and paper, because you're going to have breakthroughs. You'll understand things. I'm serious. I did it with mine. Like, nitrous opens up the valves, bro.

You make connections. You have inspirations. Really? Absolutely. Absolutely. I did. Yeah. You write things down.

Write it down, though. I want to do more drugs. I know what kind all of them well can you be more specific well yeah

I like the mind opening stuff most psychedelics yeah yeah fun fun stuff too

you know let's get some molly let's get some yeah stronger you know let's fucking yeah you can do that

you can do everything yeah yeah well okay I mean I'm just letting you know I want to just be like I want to be like enter like a drug phase I think now is the time

You're at the height of your career You got a young family Now you need to get into drugs This is the best time Are you being sarcastic? No, what would I be? Are you crazy? Yeah

You act like I don't know shit about gums And now I don't know shit about drugs Oh yeah I mean I would stand by both those things But I do think you don't know fuck about shit Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

what's the tongue thing that's you and you laugh you go okay stupid lex luther why don't you shut up yeah yeah that's cool yeah all right here you go that was awesome that was good that was really good that sucks Yeah. Because that was a choice, no? Like he chose to do that. Yeah, I mean, he was trying, like, you could have walked your bike down. He's like, I'm going to ride it down.

Bad idea, bro. And that was cool. He definitely's hurt. Big down. Yep. That's not a good idea. Oh, that's coming in. It's hot, dude.

Oh, my God. That feels like it was pulled like a thousand meters too low. Holy shit. That's so fast, bro. Such a bad idea. Fuck this. We're like, where's it going to? Fuck.

Can I tell you? Of all the places you could land, too. Listen. This is not in America, too. This is like the Dominican Republic. This is when white people go on vacation and they make dumb fucking choices. It's believed to be either Sri Lanka or Pakistan. Thank you.

Yeah. This guy's not going to a good hospital. Holy shit. He fucked up someone's house, too. That was a whole house. That's like somebody's, like, living quarters. No, I know. That's the...

God damn. That's Nehanna's Philippine family. That's the whole livelihood gone. That is true. That sucks. Oh, yeah. Will you check on them? That's crazy, man.

She goes, and my deaf mute grandmother is their servant. Oh. I know. Yeah. Wow. Can we send them, like, $10 and just... You're not sending that much? Oh.

Two One Oh shit That's perfectly fine That's awesome Oh my God That's frat boy shit The foot got caught on the lip of the roof

You saw that right Look at his foot But where was this full going to land in the first place Where was he trying to land more flat On the table? Yeah people do like table crashes you know That's stupid. Yeah, but the foot, yeah, that was fucking great.

Let's see where that is. I know what Eni's thinking right now. Yeah. He's like, this is white people shit. I mean, it is. It is kind of white people shit, though. You don't see black people doing this shit. Never.

Never do you see black, let's get up on the roof and jump off of this shit. Never. I mean, honestly, probably none of your horrible, hilarious clips. I feel like none of them are black people because we don't do stupid shit like that. Yeah. That is so true. It's again, none of them. Cultural.

It is cultural. Yeah. Yeah, you're absolutely right. I don't know why the whites are drawn to this. It's because you don't got problems. Yes, right. Oh, because if you don't have problems, you're like, let's create a problem. Let's create some bullshit.

You know what, I need some danger. That would be fun. This is the same reason white people like to be bummed out at the movies because their lives aren't tragic enough. It's not built into their lives. They have to go cry to a fucking movie about somebody else getting poor, somebody else getting cancer. somebody else like that's where the white bummer genre originated from white people love to feel sad for unfortunate others why you think why you think they started cold plunges yeah oh of course suffering yeah white yeah but everywhere else in the world you they live in a cold plunge i even have this

thing now they can't be inside in the winter when somebody goes hey have you seen this movie and i'll be like what movie and then they'll tell me i go isn't that the one with like the legless kid you know no and they're like it's so powerful no i'm like Yeah, I'm good. No. They're like, no, no, no. And they try to convince me. I go, I don't want to see it.

Nope. I don't care. I don't want to see it. I don't want to see anything with children getting hurt. Ever. I never like it. I've been through cancer. I never wanted to fucking see it before I had breast cancer.

And I certainly don't want to see it now. Cancer movies. I lost my child. Oh. And you're like, I don't want to see it. Or the one we're like, I have the news, you know. I can watch the news whenever I want. scroll TikTok or it's the beautiful woman who's dying of the terminal illness it's like charliece they're on is dying

and she wants to fuck for the last time or something some cute boy it's like i don't want it i don't think that that's that's that is isn't that the the movie apple greenhouse the cider house greens cider house greens cider house rules isn't she dying of aids or something and she's like i want one last fuck one last dick well there's this show actually it's it i've seen parts of it's quite good. It's called dying for sex where she has terminal breast cancer and all she wants to do is have sex. Look, that was not my

first thought when I had breast cancer. It's gosh I'm horny. Yeah, yeah. One of the last thoughts, especially radiation surgery and whatever. It's a good show and I think it won a bunch of awards and the clips look really good. I can't bring myself to watch it. It's never going to fuck it. But that's the premise. I'm dying and I want to fuck more? She wants to fuck me. Yeah. Yes.

Yes. But because she was kind of repressed, she had a marriage that was sex list. The guy wouldn't have sex with her while she was actively having cancer. And so she realized, like, I never had an orgasm. I've never been experimental. And she's so young that the premise is she goes and she explores her sexuality as she's dying. It's a great premise. Don't get me wrong. Personally, I'm like, this is the least thing I want to watch. Does she like, then fuck a lot and go, I guess I'm going to die now. Spoiler alert. She falls in love, I think, because I've seen enough clips on TikTok. I'm not 100% sure. But she

She finds, like, the love of her life, and they have a kinky sex life, and it's great. And she lives? I think she still dies. I don't know. I haven't seen the show. I'm sorry. Do you, have anyone in there, seen it? Can tell me, okay.

Because that'd be a real bummer. If she lives. If she lives. And she's just, everyone's run a train on her through New York City. Well, also, it's like, you did this because you're like, I'm about to dip out. It's like, it's a better story if you die, you know. Of course. And also, when you have chemo, people can't even sit on your toilet seat because you're,

you're radioactive like so actually having sex with a lot of people without stuff would probably be dangerous to the people well i'll just say it's really sad i hope she's dead so she's a good actress is she is it michelle williams gosh i'm sorry she's great it's a great cast like i feel like a dick i haven't even watched it i shouldn't even fucking but again like i can't watch it because i've had breast cancer no thanks tom hanks okay i want to remember it anyway what's her name she's great it's michelle williams she's such a great and and her best friend in it is a comedic actress Jenny Slay and it is a limited series so it should have an ending which should be death yes unless they do it for a horny cancer ladies every season there's a

different horny cancer lady man I don't know probably not we're back back with another dying lady another horny lady you guys ready buckle up she's gonna fuck too all right here's one more for you heavy skateboarders never good oh fuck shit are you okay yeah I really freaked up my foot fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck yeah that's a

there's a reason like skateboarders are long and lean yeah that's a good build poor guy I mean he had some skills he wasn't his first time on a skateboard for sure that sucks that one sucks fuck man Wait, this is a great thing, though, speaking of dying and all this shit. You proposed this question the other day.

We haven't talked about it, actually. Yes. I saw this great clip. Amy Poehler has a podcast, and she asked Tina Faye. Yes, this is what it was. Who's the person you're most afraid of becoming? That's such a good question. And it's such a great question.

And Tina Faye is like, I can't say the answer out loud. And so she types it to Amy Poehler, and she's like, I need your help translating this. And she was like, so Tina Faye's least favorite person, she was going to become as like the old show business person who knows everything and is like, let me tell you how it is in this business, kid. Yeah, yeah. I got to tell you, back in my day, we did da da da da da da da da da. Yeah. So that's her nightmare. But what's your nightmare?

Like, who do you dread becoming? That's a great. I mean, that's the thing your brain starts to go into like, oh, man. You know, like the way to answer it is like, who do you see now? And you're like, oh, fuck. Yeah. Like that's your answer, right? Yeah.

Yeah. So, like, who is that? That's what I'm trying to nail down. It's like, who do I go? Like, who? You know, my brain went to, like, what's the most repulsive type of person? And for me, it was my, my poor mother who was so mentally ill. And she so badly wanted connection with other people. But she ended up dying alone because she pissed everybody off. Yeah. She was so miserable to be around and she was a shut in. And I think that's my worst fear is like dying alone. Nobody likes me because nobody wants to be around me because I'm such a miserable. Yeah. And then that's like being a real victim too and being like, oh, like, oh, I just can't. Like nobody likes me.

And I because I've worked so hard to overcome those things from my family. Yeah. Like I've inherited so much of that bullshit that I'm like I don't want to be that that's my nightmare Yeah and then like being real fat obviously Like like let me let me explain just being like really neglectful Yeah neglect of my body yes because it does correlate to your insides It's like if you let this thing go it's like I don't give a rip any more about Yeah, life those are good ones that's a good one I think it's a long well I think along the the line

of the same thing like i remember you know there's certain things that stick with you i remember talking this guy and he was like you know when you see a guy and he's like in his 50s and when you see him you're like the fuck happen to this guy yeah that's for the physical part where you're like wow he really neglected himself like same kind of thing where you're like Jesus man so like physically that um professionally oh boy the thing that i've loathed the most is when you see somebody and they they download to you how like you know how it is like shit just the victim yeah they're victims but they're like no they don't want anyone like me doing it so and you're like that's not why that's not why you didn't get the gig it's not because they were like we don't want someone like

you they don't want you because you're like this traveling pocket of negativity that walks into the room and everyone wants to jump out a window. So I guess I just I don't want to be the negative excuse making guy. The guy who's I think we're the same. I think we're fearing similar things. Similar things. I've always, but I've always

loat that guy. Like there are so many comedians, especially like in our development years. Right away I was like, this guy's not good to hang out with because he was always like, always telling you the reason why things aren't going well. He leads with it.

And it's always, it's never him, you know, it's always like the guys that are, you know, picking who to put. And like, no one's picking, but you're not good. Yes. Your shit sucks. Yes. You know, you're not facing the fucking reality of the fact that you suck. Like, I hate those people that are always coming up with their excuses of why it didn't work out. So I would hate to become that guy.

God damn, that's a good one. Yeah. That's a good one because in comedy, you know, the one blessing in the sky is about comedy. is that it really is a game of attrition. Meaning, the longer you stay in there, the better your chances get. It's a game of attrition. Truly, it takes 15 years, let's say, as a baseline.

10 years, 15, 20. And then it's a skill that must be repeated, honed. You must have discipline. You must have fortitude. You must get your teeth kicked in nightly for years. For years, yeah. And get up and do it. And a lot of dudes don't want to be.

want to make that sacrifice right of getting your teeth kicked in and and fighting and you I'm going to do this and doing it and doing it and getting your ball it's it's a lot and but it's not for everybody for sure but it's true yes that bummer guy though I don't want to be the bummer guy I know I don't want to do that either oh shit that yeah fucking oh fucking sucks the air out of them yeah because we all know them of course I know those guys you're like this guy it's Colin Robinson from what we do in the shadows he's the Emotional vampire. Emotional vampire.

Such a perfect character. Yeah, and we have emotional vampires in our life. Of course. And you're just like, oh, yeah. Just, you know what it is? Is they're walking wounds. You know, they're walking fucking succubis wounds. And instead of trying to fucking sort it out themselves, it becomes your responsibility

to sort their shit out. And you're like, dude, I've only got one lifetime, bro. I'm just trying to do my. stuff, I can't be responsible for your bullshit too. It's too much. Yeah. And also I think I I really fear being a burden to my children as I age. That's a real one for you. You brought that up a lot. Because my mother made me her caregiver from the time I was born. I existed to be my mom's caregiver. And I really, it really messes with children's heads. It's very sabotaging. And especially as I age and stuff like praise Allah we have resources and I can check myself into an old folks home and be like I'm gonna die here you guys just live your life yeah enjoy your life I'm fine I'm gonna go to Florida yeah your dad's been dead long ago I've already got the 28 year old Puerto Rican stepdad for you and just you know I'm gonna die in and Boca yeah fine right and at least lie to them even if you're not fine you don't put it on then

Because my mother would be like, oh my God, everything. Like, I have cancer. Like she would fucking just drain me. Come here and take care of me. Yeah. You fucking asshole. You know, on the complete opposite where I hit it from the kids. Like I'm going to fucking, I would do radiation to come home.

Like, no, I'm fine. Yeah. Let's fucking keep going. Yeah, yeah. Because you don't want them to carry it. Of course. It's not their responsible. Anyway, that's, sorry, I'm so emotional.

No, I know. so embarrassed for having feelings yeah no it's normal oh it's so embarrassing it's good to have I hate myself why just kidding I'm not kidding at all I'm so embarrassed you don't hate that you don't hate that no you fuck well this is what you hate why did you do that just now just to see how you just reinforced my shame I said oh I'm I'm vulnerable I have a feeling and then you showed me my least favorite thing I didn't mean to do that i'm sorry about that yeah let's hear something else probably the fucking immigrant yeah yeah look at this right yeah probably yeah yeah i've got the right away cabrone are you sure brown

hey you fucking idiot you fucking idiot you fucking idiot yeah you fucking out of main street you fucking cocksucker yeah probably an immigrant yeah yeah we're immigrant yeah we're Cabrone. Cabrown. Yeah. Fucking retard. Yeah. Cobraone.

Yeah. He can't even say it right, you fucking cracker. Right away, Cabrone. Rhode Island represent. There you go. Probably an immigrant. Yeah, he's a pretty cool guy. Yeah.

Because his family's from America, right? This was... They're always from America. It was... They were in Native American. It's in Nau. Yeah. NorCal?

No. Yeah. Old guy. Cabrone. Cabrone. There's no way this old Cabrone wants this shared with everybody. Cabrown. I mean, he's got some cojones to fuck with a younger Latin male.

No? Yeah, this is kind of crazy. Anytime you get out of your car, you're asking for real problems. Yeah. And if you're an older gentleman, And you're going up to somebody 40 years younger. Yeah, you're definitely rolling the dice, man. That's crazy as shit to do.

Forgive my ignorance because women don't beat the shit out of each other. Is it common for, like, a younger man to beat the shit out of an older guy? I mean, I wouldn't say that it's common, but it certainly happened countless times. I mean, if you get out of the car with this energy, you have no idea who's in the other car. Don't, like, I've been in a car full of rage and been like, I want to get out of the car. And some part of your brain usually just goes, you know, someone could have a gun. You could have, you know, it could be like a fucking super violent dude. Like you check yourself because you go, I'm being irrational.

You know? This guy's fucking reason just left his very dopey face. And then he just decided to see what. He's lucky. This guy's lucky as shit. Oh, no kidding. Yeah. Boy, growing up in my neighborhood, you don't call some guy a fucking immigrant.

I mean, not immigrants. I know so many people that he could have said this to That would go so sideways for him Yeah And the fucking Maybe they would take mercy on him Because he's old That's it maybe

Maybe they would be like all right He's in NorCal bro If he said this in SoCal In the wrong name right I know there's plenty of bad neighborhoods You can say it in there It doesn't look like a bad one though It's a lot of trees

Nice stuff That's why he's confident He's in a nice area Yeah he's like Marin County or something He's like I will get out And give this young brown man a piece of my mind and then he just yeah yeah this is his neighborhood that's why he's he's also leading with probably an immigrant so he's like he's letting it known like who he is you know

well look there's plenty of states you can live in where there aren't many immigrants California if you're not down with the immigrants he could go back home he could go back to Rhode Island there's a lot of non-whites there yeah it's pretty white place I know it's all whites right Yeah. These places are whites. Boston's whites. It would be so awesome if this guy, like, followed up with a statement. Like, if he put out a follow-up where he was like, look.

I do think that guy was an immigrant. And I know that there's different driving laws in different countries. And I was just trying to explain to the Cabrano that this is how we do things here. That guy had, like, a Mexican armband on. Let me see. Yeah, he showed him. He showed him the flag here. Nah.

He did. Oh, he's from Mexico. Oh, he's on a T-shirt. He was so sweet, though. He was nice to him. Oh, he was so nice. Yeah, but. The Mexican kid was so nice.

So cool, too. Fucking hell. Yeah. Well. Hey, Cabrone. Listen here, Cabrone. You fucking idiot. Yeah.

Well, fuck you, dude. You're going to live in California. The majority of the state is from Mexico. So you're the fucking minority. Yeah, you're crazy. You're crazy. Right? How much of California is Mexico?

He's so confident walking over. He's such a fucking douchebag. This guy might be a buck 45 soaking wet. I know. And he's just like, dumb da-d-dum, cabrone. His jeans are so low and loose. Yeah. All right, here we go.

The California population around 40% of the total, right? It's from Mexico. So what are you dealing? You're the fucking, ugh. Yeah, that's a lot, bro. Yeah. Here's some of your talks. You want to see one?

Get out of California. You want to see what you've been cultivating? It makes me so sad. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I've seen this guy. He is so fast.

321 punches in 23 seconds. You can't do that. Who can do that? I'll tell you what. I don't want to make it to the end, but that was pretty cool. You're just going to take his word on it that it's 321. You didn't count them? I always see this guy like on social.

social media and he's always doing some type of quick movement yeah and then it's a real mind fuck because he doesn't look like he does things quickly you know you know you can't judge a book by its cover you can you totally can yeah you can no can whoa I'm hello I didn't like that let's move on what she's saying hello holy shit that was terrible so hello recently my partner introduced me to a practice that i've come to love getting myself a treat whenever i do something hard or something that i don't want to do it's so good life-changing she's here you can credit her with it doctor's appointment get a treat sent an email i've been putting off get a treat

pay a bill get a treat is that zolo who is this it's not like it me it kind of looks i can't see i'm like is that josh that what he does when he's that is that where he's not here today that's a woman sweetie oh that's a lesbian have a hard conversation get a treat make dinner when i'm really tired get a treat this has transformed how i understand the world oh boy a treat doesn't have to be fancy or expensive sometimes it's a piece of chocolate or a fun beverage a sticker or treating myself to a fun adventure but what it has taught me is how to celebrate myself how to celebrate the little things and i've realized that when i celebrate i don't just feel good i feel more grounded more alive more able to face what comes next that's so gay that was the

gayest clip we've ever played on this show okay there's it's twofold number one it's like you're an Adult, you grow up. There's just shit you're going to do as an adult. I had to send a hard email. You get a sticker. You know what? I'm going to the Bahamas. Okay.

Cool. Adulthood is doing bad things and not getting away. Yeah, things are hard. Number two, it reminded me of Bert, because this is his mentality. He's very treat-based, yes. And we see how that went. Well, it doesn't look good. Doesn't look good.

But maybe it's keeping them going. Yeah. Really into treats. Yeah. My partner. please credit me he's like I answered my phone treat time yeah I wiped treat treats yeah Tom you went to the dentist today what kind of treat do you want maybe a sticker or a lolly yeah give me a little lollie yeah they give you a little lolly when you leave there you go sugar free of course

course yeah this fricking It was a bad day An ugly day It ruined everybody's day It did To when the towers came crumbling down By the brutal terrorists The terrorists took over the planes

And crash into the towers People's lives were lost I'm not doing that So, it's so much longer. I thought it was going to be like a 20-second clip. It's like another fucking minute and a half. Jesus. This is, she's covering Elton John's song.

He sang that? Those were his lyrics. 9-11 was a bad day. Live your life. Well, we have a lot of music producers out there that listen. Why don't you fucking throw some stank on it? Let's make some songs here. It's really cool.

Like an airplane in the moon. It was a real shit day. The day the terrorists did that thing. fucking a here let's scroll forward and see where we are in her story it was not a good day

yeah twin towers came crumbling down it's a second it's like the hook first responders went fighting for us saving people out of the crumbling towers

yeah we need to remember everybody that fought for us the lives that were lost it's a little pandering yeah also I don't know that the visual aid is needed. We all know what you're talking about, but the one smoking tower with the other plane moments from crashing into it, we got it. Thank you. Never forget. Thank you, Hannah, for that

beautiful tribute. What do you think? I'll tell you what the first crazy thing is. The craziest thing about this absolutely deplorable haircut is that this girl has a beautiful face. It's like the first thing you're like, oh, she's pricked. And then you're like, what the fuck did you do? This is also maybe life's too good.

You know, your life's too good. You know what I'm sick of? Guys smiling at me and asking me for my phone number. So what I'm going to do is just butcher my fucking head. Yep. What are we doing, sweetheart? Like you're really... Oh yeah

She's anti-makeup too Yeah whatever She's a pretty girl And she decided to do that That's tough It's fine It's self-sabotage But whatever

That's tough You look like shit Yeah that's not a cool Maybe she hasn't heard that enough No one's been like You look like shit I'll tell you what My father

When I was 14 years old I shaved a mohawk Into my hair With the family's dog clippers And it was around Christmas and I came walking down the stairs with an orange mohawk and what did he say he goes nah looks good he goes this is not original by the way so he totally invalidated that's a kind of a cool thing for a dad to do a thousand percent he he did the right move which was like that's not

even original yeah and i was like well yeah i mean it yeah shit and i felt like a dildo immediately yeah someone just needs to go that's not that fucking cool yeah your shit sucks this is like a what is this Native American haircut or something? Yeah, I don't know what the fuck this is. A Mohican hair cut? This is terrible. It's bad. Whatever it is, it sucks. Yeah. Hey, say, you're on my mud.

Finish product done. If you really dripped out and stuff, don't come in Ireland, but my lie. I just took their wits, put it back in my head. That's why they fall. I'm not. I quit out till they're stoke and put in my hair. I'm from my mother because I'm from a sky.

I by back to see this in September 10 and Jordan, Jack 10. Okay. I mean, that was the same shit. Is this one of those two brothers that make out with each other? No, he was specifically saying, don't call him that. He said that in this? Yeah. You speak?

You speak retard? How did you understand that? Oh, no, I heard. He said something about Island Boy. Yeah. Finish product done, if he really dripped that, instead, don't call me Island, but my life. I just took their wits, put it back in my head.

That's why they bought. This should give so many dudes confidence because this guy for sure gets laid. Oh, yeah. And if he gets laid, you can get late too. This guy's doing it. You can do it. He's cute too. He's got a stupid look, but he looks cute.

Maybe he should date the girl with half a fucking head, you know? That's true. Maybe that's what she's looking for. Love connection. Yeah. Okay. This one's a soft mount taxidermy. Shit. She has a weighted body and poseable legs. What do you think? Are we doing this?

Professionally tanned and ethically sourced. I mean, I'm not mad at this shit, but I don't like it. I don't like it either. I don't want it. I don't want to be near it. I never want it in the house. And I don't want to go into your house if this is what you're doing. I don't like it. If it works for you, I'm happy for you. I don't like this. But why doesn't it work? Because I enjoy taxidermy. I think it's sometimes fun. Yeah. But I don't like that she's like moving and playing with it. Is that what it is?

Well, that's why she's a huge fan of Texan. That's what she's advertising it. She's just like, look what you can do. You can fold it up, make it sit in the chair, have it dangle off of the banister. However you used to see him. Fuck. I don't like the motion of it. It's supposed to be still so that you know it's taxidermy.

It's obvious. Yeah, this is just so strange. Yeah. He found you. I mean, look, life is full of surprises. I did not expect to meet H and for this to be our love story and, you know, I'm very lucky.

I am married to the funniest, funniest, I mean, he's all the things that you're describing. He's, and he's an amazing father. And so, you know, I... I count my blessings because I have him and also I have a partner

who is so supportive of me. And so I will tell you just, you know, when I was... This guy's perfect. It's a babysitter nanny for two Irish Catholic families when I was in college. And one of the dads said to me, he's like, you know, Megan, when you meet your person one day, I want him to say to you the same thing that I said to my wife when we got married, which is, I vowed to always date my wife. And I told H that when we started dating. He goes, I vowed to always date you. So we have this connection.

I think because we're so committed to treating each other the same way you did before you had a ring on it, before it was locked down, when you're just courting each other and you can see all the good and joy in that butterfly period. And that's, I think, what keeps things really alive. Good things being said. Everybody's on point. Perfect. Perfect. Good answer. I would have to be my age. That's a trip, they're like, we did the first time. That's what this lady's thinking right here. I can't wait to meet my age. Like I'm so amazing. You just keep dating. Just keep dating.

Keep trying. You know, the message isn't bad. I think that everybody who watches just hates her, you know? Well, I'll tell you. Honestly, you know, you and I have been married for 47 years now. Is that it? Yeah. And I love you.

I adore you. I just don't think it's authentic. to be this overly effusive about your husband it's like this is a performance of course it's horse shit yeah i mean h farts and it smells like roses and age age age he still opens the door when i walk in front of him yeah i don't think so especially after two they have two small kids that's the thing where you're like how are you dating still no you're not dating babe you're dating with the little babies around? Come on, babes.

Pute. It's so romantic. Yeah, and poor Drew Barrymore has to listen to this horseship. Oh, consent matters. Even in nature. I don't just hug trees. I wait for them to say yes.

If my body leans in, this time the tree agreed, so I stepped in. How does she know the tree agree? This is a joke for sure, right? No. This is a serious person? Yeah, there's people that talk to trees now. How does the tree rejects?

you that i don't know but i do know that there are people who go tree if you're listening answer me and then like the wind will blow eventually and then the leaf will like touch their cheek and they go oh i'm not retarded the tree talk to me yeah yeah gonna know island boy okay what did he say one thing you wish people understood about you more i love this something nothing nothing off fuck you it's the greatest clip in the world

nothing fuck you yeah I feel the same way the older I get because you get it now you're like you don't need to be

understood by everyone it's it's pointless you can't do it it's impossible and I think when you're that scrutinized and well known this guy

this guy probably would love a departure from people recognizing him yeah and questioning him and saying things that he's just that's the most genuine answer he could give.

What do you want to know more about me? Fuck you. That's what I want you to know. Nothing. You don't need to understand it. God, it's a great way to go through life. It really is. Actually, and I think this is what happened,

one of the privileges of aging is that you go, I don't need to be understood. Yeah, exactly. It's okay. And also when you've, you know, when you start to get recognized, it's a whole thing. And then you kind of settled, and then you get, you know, for him, I'm saying,

so world famous and known it's probably like he's just tired of it of questions and inquiries and what do you think he's just fuck off yeah yeah and you're not going to understand him because he's been through things that yeah mere mortals can't understand you're never going to be on this guy's level in terms of what he's achieved who he's been what he's been through never so he's right you can't understand him yeah so fuck off he's so special yeah this guy's in his own league um all right Well, we should wrap it up, Gene. I love you. I love you too.

You're just so special. You're the most perfect husband and you're just the most perfect partner. You're so supportive. I love to just keep dating. Let's just keep dating. It's the key to it all. Oh, fuck off. All right.

See you guys next week. Bye, mommy. I guess he's an alpha, huh? He's definitely an alpha. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he's clearly an alpha. She's a Ted, I tell her she's a four. Fuck you, bitch.

Dump that, bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dump that. Yeah, yeah. Dump that. She's a Ted, I tell her she's a four. Fuck you, bitch. Dump that, bitch.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys have to understand. You see, women can only pig a man in either alpha or beta. You see, you guys have to understand. You see, you see, the female brain lacks intellectual capacity. And because of female lacks intellectual capacity, she therefore cannot fad of the fact that, hey, a man can be alpha. She's a TED.

I tell her she's a four. You bitch. Dump that, bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dump that. Yeah. Yeah. She's a TED.

I tell her she's a four. Fuck you, bitch. Dump that bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You guys have to understand. Dump that.

You can be provider and he can be the guys who not attacking to do a Gima's bed. You guys have to understand. You see, women are closer to animals and they are to men. You know, if a grizzly bear is going to come after you, a grizzly bear is going to come after you because you're either a threat or you are food. Another come after you because you're food and a threat. It doesn't work like that. You either a friend, right? Or a food, okay.

Same thing with women. You're either beta or you are outside. She's a dead, I tell her she's a ten, I tell her she's a four. Fuck you, bitch. Dump that, bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dump that. Yeah, yeah.

Dump that. She's a dead. I tell her she's a four. Fuck you, bitch. Dump that bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dump that. You guys have to understand. Dump that, dump that, dump that, dump that, dump that bitch.

Yeah.