Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810

Episode Date: May 14, 2025

Don't forget to watch Mike Birbiglia's new special "The Good Life" streaming on Netflix May 26th! Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: - Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://BlueChew.com! Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code YMH -- just pay $5 shipping. - Go to https://helixsleep.com/YMH for 27% Off Sitewide + Free Bedding Bundle (Sheet Set and Mattress Protector) with any Luxe or Elite Mattress Order. Exclusive for listeners of Your Mom's House! - Head to https://www.squarespace.com/MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code MOM. This week on Your Mom’s House, Tom Segura and Christina P are joined by storytelling savant, Broadway boy, and sleepwalking legend Mike Birbiglia! Tom and Christina kick off the show glazing Tom's newly released Netflix series Bad Thoughts. They also check out some wild clips that include a fat as shit Steven Seagal, Daddy Reecie laying down the law, farting girls, gay walls, and threesome with a mother that'll make your skin crawl (or turn you on?) The Main Mommies also chime in on convicted SA-er Gerard Depardieu peeing on a plane. Who does that remind you of? If you said "Bert", you're probably right. Mike Birbiglia next enters the Mommy Dome and dives deep into how he went from sleepwalking out a window to developing one-man shows, hitting Broadway, and being in a Taylor Swift video. He shares how his religious parents reacted to his material, what it’s like entertaining the Pope, and how becoming a dad has shifted his lens on life, comedy, and swim meets. Plus, they also talk bad radio shows, booking nightmares, bouncing checks, comedy condos full of pubes, and that time Uber warned Tom about a shootout. Mike and Tom also get into legacies, asking their dads the tough questions, and what it's like raising kids who could not care less about their famous dads. Plus Enny still does not likes gay stuff and CP’s lipstick is still poppin’! Your Mom’s House Ep. 810 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:39 - Bad Thoughts Reactions 00:06:32 - Opening Clip: Daddy Reecie 00:08:43 - Messing With Corpses 00:15:17 - Gérard Depardieu Is a Fat Knucklehead 00:27:04 - Gay Stuff 00:35:16 - Enny Is Not Amused 00:40:09 - Clip: Do What You Do Best 00:41:50 - Clip: Katy Perry’s Dance Moves 00:43:58 - Clip: Bert Beat Diabetes 00:45:40 - Mike Birbiglia’s Good Life 00:52:40 - Sleepwalking & Storytelling 01:00:38 - Bringing Comedy To Broadway 01:05:38 - Chaotic Comedy Clubs 01:14:59 - Terrible Morning Radio 01:19:13 - Comedy Hacks 01:21:44 - Mike's Dad Doesn't Get What He Does 01:25:03 - Mike Birbiglia Met The Pope 01:30:21 - Raising Boys vs Girls 01:34:08 - Is It Cake & Taylor Swift 01:37:31 - Parents: Death and Connection 01:47:29 - Wrap Up 01:48:25 - Closing Song - Gay Questions by Mc FluidBond Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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What's up everybody? Next Thursday, May 22nd, I'll be bringing my Come Together Tour to Springfield, Massachusetts to Mass Mutual Center. Get tickets now at tomscura.com slash tour. I cannot wait to see you there. Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. Let's go fart dogs.

Let's fart, let's go. Get back. A nightmare. Get back. A nightmare we call OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH hhhaaaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaah Shark Week, it's a bad week. You're supposed to be my nigga though. You're supposed to be my nigga though. You're supposed to be my nigga though. You're supposed to be my nigga though. You're supposed to be my nigga though. You're supposed to be my nigga though. You're supposed to be my nigga though. You're supposed to be my nigga though. You're supposed to be my nigga though.

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Bad Thoughts is out, but it's been out, right? When is this coming out? It's been out for a week or two. It comes out tomorrow. Oh. Oh, it's been out for a day. Oh my gosh. If you haven't yet watched Bad Thoughts,

please check it out. It's on Netflix. It was an absolute blast to make this show. Here's the show poster. Oh, wait a minute. That's actually... Oh, God, is Burt doing an almost exact same show as me? That's crazy. I guess Netflix has a hit on their hands. And they wanted to make another.

They just go with another one. Damn. He looks good. He does look good. Ha ha ha. Who made that? We gotta shout him out. Sorry, let me check. But anyway, no.

It really was an amazing experience to make this show. And I really appreciate if you watch it, if you tell your friends to watch it. Yeah, there's so many great, super talented people in it. Daniella Pineda, Rob Eiler, Kirk Fox, Dan Stevens, Shay Wiggum, it goes on and on. So many great, great, talented people. And it was so fucking fun to make.

So fun. I have to also give a shout out, both to your credit and to Rob Eiler, that Rob Eiler went into acting retirement for 20 years. Yeah. And this project brought Rob Eiler out of retirement. Isn't that crazy? His acting credits go, the soprano's, bad thoughts.

Pretty amazing. That's the last time he acted. It's pretty amazing. He's so good. He's so talented. And also, I mean, am I allowed to spoiler alert a little bit about there's a Steven Seagal thing? Yeah, sure.

So I was on just like TikTok scrolling today and Steven Seagal was there. And it was a replica of what you were making fun of him. I know. The thing that went viral yesterday about him, I texted the guys that we made this with and I was like, I don't think we even exaggerated his size. Cause he looks like he's like 5,000 pounds.

Yeah, and Spookily is dressed like the same way that you dressed like him in the show. Shout out to Mystic Clips. They made the fat thoughts trailer for Burt. It's really good. But yeah, Seagull, did you see that one? Did you see the Seagull thing by chance? The Seagull short? No, no, no. Just a clip of him. The clip of him that went out like yesterday. Oh yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, I'm talking about?

Yeah, yeah. If you don't have it, I could probably, let me see, I could probably send it to you. I have it here. You do have it to you. It's in, you do have it? Yeah. It's crazy dude, like. Yeah. It really. He looks like the parody of himself. Yeah, it looks like the exact same thing. You're like, oh, that's just the guy.

It's not even an exaggeration. How do you go from being, I mean he was really like a hot shit thing. Look at him. Look at this guy. It's literally the joke. Yeah. Somebody messaged me back.

I sent them to one of the guys and they were like, wait, is he fatter than your fat suit? And I was like, I mean, it's close. It's actually close. It's, Tom, I think you nailed it. I mean, he looks like he's at, like, first of all, he's a big fuck. A lot of people don't know this, but he's,

he's like six, four. Like, he's a big guy. And he probably like don't know this, but he's like 6'4". He's a big guy. And he probably looks like he's around 350 there, maybe 360. Wow. Yeah. And you got the beard, the hair. God damn. He's a house, dude.

And the caption I saw was like, the Aikido champion. This guy is an Aikido champion. Yeah, she's a world champ. The other thing, the first top comment I saw on one of those videos, cause I think there was a bunch that went out, they just said, where's the discipline? Because those, you know, people like him, they preach, right?

Martial arts is like all about discipline. And it's like, well, clearly you have none. Zero. Zero. God, he should be in Fat Thoughts. I know. Really crazy. I'm awfully happy for you.

I'm proud of your jeans. Thank you. It's been fun watching you have fun. Do it. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's going to be really good. Thanks. I'm excited.

I'm amazed. I am very excited about it. I really am. It's a... We did the premiere in L.A am very excited about it. I really am it's uh We did the premiere in LA. Premier was really fun. Yeah, the screening was here and then the premiere was there That was a really good time. Yeah people came out and it was just kind of a festive Environment and dance lots of laughs. Yeah Well, I did you dance for like one song Yeah, I enjoyed it. Kind of. You did?

Yeah. I can't tell when you're having fun. I had a good time. Like having fun. I was not like that. You taught your shows how to say great. Come on. You're exactly right. You seem happy today, though.

No, I am happy. Your skin looks good. We got some actual bad thoughts. A fun story I'm going to show you in a second. Let's let's do the opening clip and get into the show. Ready? Yeah. Here we go. Bad thoughts, a fun story I'm gonna show you in a second. Let's do the opening clip and get into the show, ready? Yeah. Here we go. Ladies, would you like daddy Reese

to read you a lullaby tonight while you're running your fingers Okay, I'm gonna fucking go. in between your hot thighs? This shit is big time! Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Hot... Thoots... This shit is big time! Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this!

Yo mom where the fuck is dad? Welcome, welcome to your mom's house With Tom Sakura Don't look at me And Christina Pazich Christina Pazich Welcome to your mom's house. You know what I'm excited about? Hot. Thats.

You are so horned up. I got to tell you. Yeah. What's going on? It's always shouldn't should be called bad thoughts. It should be called cock thoughts. Because everything out of your brain is just a dick dick. No pussy pussy.

You all right? I'm fine. I most certainly am. Direct me there so I can bust nut on they rumps and scram. You said you had a bad thoughts story. So You don't want to watch more daddy resey stuff I love him I mean I've already I know this guy He's hot so if you watch bad thoughts, which I hope you're gonna do episode

Six the final episode of the season most of it takes place It's the it's the story called Concoction, where we drink a concoction and all these fantastic things happen. We shot it at a place called Med to Market. We were shooting all over Austin, different locations. Sometimes there's a back lot. We shot on Robert Rodriguez's Troublemaker Studios and we had different locations. So this is one of the locations called Med2Market. 50-year-old Adeline Bowie at Capitol Mortuary Services or CMS and 53-year-old Aaron Ali, the head of Med2Market, a medical training facility, are accused of abusing a corpse

by experimenting on severed arms. Police were tipped off by a Texas Funeral Services Commission investigator, who said Bowie was fraudulently using a former embalmer's name for death certificates and injecting formaldehyde into severed arms to see the effects over time. So when we were there, there were corpses there and they were like, oh, just so you know, don't go in this room or don't look in here. And there's open windows. Stop.

Yeah. So you just like look and see a dead body and they'd be like, oh, we'll cover that up. And was there an Asian lady injecting them? I didn't see it. But APD says there was a project thread called freedom or experiment. Thread showed materials including photos of severed arms and discussions on tissue decomposition, mold growth and the use of materials like fishing line to suture the specimens. Plus, they're investigating claims of employees being told to dispose of body fluids in unapproved places. Bowie told police about 15 bodies were experimented on

with the permission of Med2Market. Ali says they contracted with CMS for transport and cremation, and told police it was embalming, not experimenting. Well, it's got a real knucklehead over there at the market, but that's where we shot. That's where we shot concoction. That's so special.

Yeah, the tie-in is pretty cool. The guy was an evil doctor, basically. Yeah, I wonder where he disposed the fluids that were in question. I'd be really curious to know. I'd be curious, too. Maybe he drank some. Maybe.

Maybe you got to have some in your mouth. Maybe I had some with lunch, and I didn't even realize it. What kind of experiments could you, like what's the point? He was experimenting with severed arms. Mm-hmm. I don't know.

He said to see the use of formaldehyde over time. Yeah, see if it molds and grows and deteriorates, and then see how a fishing line works as a suture. Have better sex with Bluechew. Bluechew is the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex. And starting now, Bluechew is offering a combo so strong, it'll knock your socks off and your neighbor's socks off. You'll have to move towns with the amount of noise you'll be making.

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That's helixsleep.com slash YMH. I mean, I don't know, he's just having a good time. It sounds like it's more of a good time. It sounds like it's just somebody having fun at work. Maybe we should stop breaking their balls so hard. You know? And also, this is a really bad thought, but like, hey, Tyanne, is it so bad?

I mean, the person's dead already. They must have signed up to be there, right? Well, there's, there's certain things too, like when you sign off, sometimes you sign off, I want, you know, my loved one to be used for science, whatever medical research. And then you don't really see the fine print of what can happen. So there was this story of a guy who like he signed off for his mother to be, you know, her body to be used for science. And then the Army got a hold of it and used it for an explosive test. Like, yeah, they put it in a...

Her body in an explosions test. Yeah, so just to see the effects of this bomb going off, he blew her body up. And he's like, that's not what I sent my mom to you for. But it was protected under the fine print. Yeah, see this is why I'm never an organ donor, you know, on your driver's license. Very smart, very good. I'm like, I don't wanna help anybody.

That's nice. And I don't wanna get blown up, I don't want formaldehyde injected into me. You don't wanna get fingeredered by the fucking coroner. Right on. I see, I wear these, I can see clearly, but I don't like them, I look stupid. Yeah.

It's the dilemma. Does it, like all glasses or that pair you mean? No, like for distance, you know? Oh. But then I look like a fucking, you know what? Uh-huh, yeah, yeah. Well, that's really special. What a cool, like behind the scenes story

that you got to share with your fans. Yeah. Yeah. Um, well that's really special. What a cool, like behind the scenes story that you got to share with your fans. Yeah. Um, also got some other news for you right here. Oh my gosh. How exciting is this? Gerard de Pardue convicted of s- Isn't that crazy? Gerard de Pardue. Well, cause we've showcased him like what 12 years ago is we started the Gerard de Pardue meme. We knew something was up. We knew he was look-alike for a friend of ours. So that's what we kind of really started

talking about. And turns out he's a big old booze bag. And now a convicted assaulter. The French actor was found guilty of SA to women on the set of a movie in which he assault, oh assaulting two women on the set of a movie which he starred in 2021. He was given a suspended sentence of 18 months, which is nothing. Yeah, that's nothing. The French movie star, Gerard Depardieu, was convicted by a Paris court on Tuesday of assaulting two women working on the set of a film. He received a suspended sentence. He will be added to the National Sex Offender Registry The judge also ruled that mr. Dipard now 76 paid damages of 15,000 euros

which is about 17 thousand dollars to one of the two victims and 14,000 euros including her medical fees to the other he was not in court for the ruling His lawyer said he would appeal the verdict was welcomed by the victims lawyers as a landmark win for French women in the post Me too world for me. It's a victory truly said one of the women agreed to be identified only by her first name I'm Ali we are moving forward. Well, that's a pretty light slap on the wrist when it comes to it. I don't know if it says what, one was a set decorator, the other plaintiff agreed to not be, has not agreed to be identified as assistant director.

They said Mr. Duke grabbed Amelie by the waist, pulled her toward him one day on the set while he was sitting down. Then he locked her between his legs, ran his hands over her buttocks, genitals and breasts while muttering obscenities. Jesus Christ, dude. Jesus.

The assistant director testified the actor had touched her breasts and buttocks on three occasions on set in Paris. What does it say, anything below that? The judge called their version of events coherent, consistent, and supported by other evidence. He denied the assaults. The actor said he was not the vulgar, rude,

trashy person who makes fun of people he's been portrayed to be. I don't know, it seems like an old French guy move. It does, and especially he has such a sense of entitlement if you would look at his body and his looks, and he's considered a sex symbol in France and has been since the 90s. And it's appalling that he's considered a sex symbol,

firstly. And secondly, the good news is he's 76 now. He's always looked 76. By the way. He's grown into his age. And if this is a culture that always has kind of let shit slide, you know what I mean? That is a Burt fucking duplicate, dude.

And he's nude in films. That's how we got wind of this guy. Is that he's nude like that in films and he's the sex symbol. Yeah, well he used to look quite different if you see the older images. Even when he was with, what's her name, that movie Green Card is what broke him in America.

He wasn't that cute then. Well, I like that one right next to it with the, where it's covering the Hushi right there. Yeah, that one. I like that one right next to it where it's covering the Hushi right there. Yeah, that one. I like that one. The old pull it up over the belly button move. That is hush-hush. And also, I like the suspenders with the pants

to really accentuate the bulge of the stomach. That's really cool. I actually think Burt could do that well. It's shirtless, you know? Of course. We gotta get him some overalls. Same theme. Overalls with suspenders and no shirt.

Yeah. That's fucking cool, man. No, but if the French are saying that's too much, cause that's always been a culture of like, men will be men. They will touch your breasts. They don't care. They don't care? Yeah. They will whisper things in your ear?

Picture that with overalls. Right? Oh yeah. Fuck yeah. Very Depardieu-ish. And if he didn't have facial hair, we could see more of that face. Yeah, very Girard.

Very Girard Depardieu. Look at them. They're twins. This is crazy. I mean. Is that a cigarette in Girard's hand there, in his left hand? Of course, he's French

Yeah, don't give a rip. Yeah health man. They don't fucking care Looking good GP But usually don't the French fat shame. Yeah, I think they're very big on being thin Yeah, they do. You're right. So I'm shocked. He really got away with it. And he's not. Do you remember when he pissed on a plane in the aisle? Do you remember that? Dude, look it up. Look at him piss. He pissed on a plane.

I swear to God. I swear to God. In the aisle. Oh, because he's a big wino. Yeah. Yeah, he's a big drunkie. Yeah. Apologizes. French actor, Gerard Depardieuieu apologized for the humiliating incident which saw him removed from a flight to Dublin. He was urinating in front of fellow passengers

after being refused permission to use the lavatory. He urinated into a bottle. Just stood there. Yeah, his friends said he had prostate problems after being removed from the flight. He laid he caught a later flight Yeah, Gerard was upset at this and offered to clean up the mess he pissed in the aisle He was stone-cold sober at the time Yeah, okay, that's a little entitlement okay if he's sober that's a lot of entitlement there of course Come on, and then there was a also an era where they were talking about, he said he was drinking like eight bottles of wine a day. That's how he got so fucking huge.

Seriously, look at his drinking. Well, cause how many calories is a bottle? That's a good question. I have no idea. It's like drinking like three milkshakes, right? Yeah. How many calories? It's gotta be.

Drinking 14 bottles a day. Pfft. milkshakes, right? Yeah. I mean, how many calories? It's gotta be... Drinking 14 bottles a day. That would put me in the hospital so bad. Yeah, of course. You know how sick you would feel? Of course. Okay, 600, yeah. 8400 calories.

I mean, what are you, you're either an Olympian or you're a fucking mess. And that's before eating food. Yeah, that's just the booze. Yeah. So if he gets a pizza or a ten. Look at his Hushi. Oh my god, dude. That's an 8400 calorie a day Hushi. It looks so good. Yeah, it does look fucking solid. He looks great. Yeah. God damn, dude. He can drink 14 bottles of wine per day, but is totally fine health-wise.

That is, I can drink 12, 13, 14 bottles a day. He goes through occasional bouts of sobriety. Who's that sound like? But between those, his alcohol intake surge, mostly out of boredom. He then outlines in detail his normal beverage intake. Let's hear it. Oh, I'm dying.

In the morning, it starts at home with champagne or red wine before 10 a.m. Well, you start with champagne. Yeah. That's fine. Then again, champagne. Gerard said he breaks up the wine with aniseed, liquor, patsy, maybe half a bottle.

He then added then food accompanied by two bottles of wine. In the afternoon, champagne, beer, and more pastits? I don't know what that is. Pastits? At around five p.m. to finish off the bottle. Later on, vodka and or whiskey. Ooh! God damn.

We didn't even know about the hard liquor. If you need a visual representation to imagine what this much alcohol looks like, the Mirror has provided a troubling graphic. I thought they just meant mirrors in general. Holy shit. Holy shit, dude. Oh my God. Fuck.

That's wild, bro. He needs help, guys. Breakfast, lunch, afternoon, evening. Yeah. It says a dip our day What a piece of shit god damn dude doesn't that bother you like it bothers me as somebody that grew up With limited means and then now we have means it's like if you are blessed enough in this world to have health, money, and this guy's case, fame, looks, maybe when he was younger, and to piss it away every single day, fuck you.

Like really, fuck you and fuck your mother. Because he's like, fuck this world, basically. Yeah, so kill yourself and stop pissing on planes. God. Save us all. This is supposed to be a picture of Jelly Roll. Can you tell what the focus of most people's eye is? Because Jelly Roll is smiling, but it's not where everyone's

eyes go. Wowzers. So Gerard Depardieu did the 5K? Is that what we're learning? He drank the whole time. Did Bert drink while he was doing the 5K? Jason Kelsey did. Did he? I don't remember. Yes.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Bert did? Alcohol the whole time? I mean all day. All day. I mean during the second heat. Because at the end of the day they all did it again. I don't know if he was drinking in the first one. But after the first one it was on. Yeah.

Yeah. He was drinking a lot. For sure. Yeah. Jason Kelsey did this thing where every 400 meters he would have a beer. So he had like 12 beers. That's so good. But he looks amazing.

Yeah, that's different. He can do that. Yeah, yeah. Yep, there's Jason right there on the right. Yeah, he was fine. Yeah, he seems fine. I was like, are you fucked up? He's like, I have a little buzz.

I'm like, after 12 beers? Yeah. Oh man, how long do you think Burt is gonna keep his fucked up? He's like I have a little buzz. I'm like after 12 beers Yeah How long you think Bert is gonna keep his shirt off? That's the real is this gonna be a career long lifelong thing Do you think he's gonna do this in his 70s? I hope so You think you think he'll make it to 70s a fucking good one. Is he doing like late-night circuit shirtless as well? I don't think so. No, no, he wears clothes. I think it's reluctant. I think he's always like, God damn it. Cause some of those places will be like,

hey, keep your fucking shirt on. He's like, hmm, bum me out. That is a big Hushi though. Who again? Yeah. Hasha. You used to say, there's actually, I learned a new word, but it's, I forget now, Hashiq.

Hashiq? Hasha is a stomach. Hushi is meat. And I've created that word, but it's, I forget now, hasheek. Hasheek? Hasha is a stomach, hushi is meat, and I've created that word, hushi, that you say. It's as meats, is what I'm saying, like a hushi bear. It's not a real word. It's not a real word. Not a real word, yeah, it's not like.

What's the real stomach, hasheek? Hasha. Hasha. Higan, you say a hushok, a hushum. Hushum, these no hushum. These no higan, molots. Molots. Mollots. Mollots is like a big pig.

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Every site comes optimized with meta descriptions, automatic site maps, and more. Head on over to squarespace.com slash mom for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code mom to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Wow. His name's Peyton, gay, 32 year old male from Alabama, single. And I'm probably starting to think, you know, I'm 32 years old, years old probably gonna be single forever So if any of you know any single men you know who like to fish or whatever and want to come you know hang out Great, that's wild. Yeah, like a southern gay, but like this this style like what's up, man?

It's your it's too normal, and I'm waiting for the turn. I'm gay. I'm trying to fucking fish and shit Okay, all right. That's cool. Where's it going, though? I don't know. It doesn't really. It just kind of ends there. That's it. Oh, I think I sent this one. God, this is so troubling, right? Well, I don't know.

Well, I wanted to show any it was specifically for any. Oh, hey, what's up, Benny? Gay stuff. What's up? Want to show what are those? Exactly. That's what I wanted, Eni? It's gay stuff. What's up? What are those? Exactly. That's what I wanted to show you. Is that a big lady on the right? I don't know.

So I think it's a big white lady, and then I'm not sure what the other person. What country is he from? It's Nigeria. There's no way he's a local. This is 90 day field. He's just like, cool, now I'm a citizen? I just have to fuck this animal?

Oh my God. Remember that one we watched where she went to Nigeria and his friends were clowning her in the airport? Oh my God, yeah. They were like, she's so fat, brother! She's too fat! Yeah. Even he was like, you are so much bigger.

He was just like, I wanna get out of here, man. I wanna go to the States. And they were like, yeah, but come on. So fat. Big like man. So fat. I think I read some, or no, I wouldn't even read. It was just a TikTok video of like,

what's most important to men is definitely that their wife stays in decent shape and stays trim. Cause I do think it is mucho depressing when you marry somebody who looks like gorgeous and then you're like Which is really easy to happen after kids it's hard Yeah, I know the sad ones are like when they put it on social media and they're like this is when he married her and This is her now. She's Yeah, I mean we all know those couples and you're just like, you know when he married her, and this is her now, and she's. Yeah.

I mean, we all know those couples. And you're just like, you know that A, she's not happy, he's not happy. No. It's not happy. Nobody's happy there. Except for those two, what do you think, Eni? They look thrilled.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know what they are. So I don't know if they have emotion. I don't know what they are. Do we have't know if they have emotion I know what they are. We have more key videos for any little concern sure It's in the gay stuff for any folder These the ones that you've sent me in my reel that I fucking refuse to respond to It's all fucking day with you by the way, it's all fucking day, bro I get more notifications from you than the girl then friends Tom Segura sent you another real broad disabled my fucking Instagram notifications all the goddamn time it's

like how do you even have that many gay things to fucking sin you just got like a fucking gay account on Instagram I it's it's cock thoughts all day every day Yeah, that's all he wants is dick stuff. Yeah, I bet this is his whole motherfucking feed now, of course Well, here's the thing I had I had some cool gay ones and I usually sent I used to send them just to Chris de Stefano Cuz he's always like fuck. Yeah But then I said it to any he was like I was like, I don't like this shit. And I was like, ooh, of course I should have just shut my mouth. Let's see some high. You mostly tough.

Really? I finally found a top here. Really? Yeah. Can you guess what I am? You look like a bottom. You're right. So how long how long would you last with me in bed? Twenty five minutes. Wow. Five. I can only go like five to ten though. Okay. Because it hurts too much. If you want it quick, we'll do it quick. Yeah, where would you come at? Probably in you. I mean this is a stranger, this is a conversation

between two strangers. Dudes are fucking wild. This is how every, by the way, every straight guy wants to talk like this. Of course, but women put the brakes on it. They do. Because we're like, what are you talking, I don't even know you did. Exactly, and then we go, that's, this guy's an animal. But every straight guy would love to meet a girl and be like, I'd love to come inside of you. But it's not allowed.

You can't talk like that to a woman. Well, and the women that would be open to that. Yeah, well there's a few you can say it to, but they're not exactly bring her home to a woman. Well and the women that would be open to that. Yeah well there's a few you can say it to but they're not exactly bring her home to meet mom. Yeah they're not the marrying. No. Yeah it comes out of that. That girl. It's like that Australian girl that's like banging thousands of people. She's like I can't wait to be stretched out today. I can't wait to be put in a hospital. stretched out today I can't wait to be put in the hospital so nasty I don't want to say her name. It's a thousand men. Yeah like a thousand yeah so gross I want them all to come yeah she's really gross dude so what do you think of that one?

No respond to shit, okay, I hate this shit, okay, it's ridiculous man. I'm gonna block you soon Oh stop. I'm a block you soon. What part don't you like? They're just talking part. Don't I like? Hmm. I wonder you don't like conversations. Let's put our thinking caps Leave his load. I have a load inside me right now. Does that mean you're gonna put the load on me? Or what? Or what? Do you want me to?

I haven't just left in like a week. I've been taking loads to save up to give you your load. Fuck. This is, this is unreal. I know. You gotta be gay. I think you need to be gay. I gotta be gay? Well with all your cock thoughts and your dreams and your wishes and your hopes. I know. You gotta be gay. I think you need to be gay. I gotta be gay?

Well, with all your cock thoughts and your dreams and your wishes and your hopes. Yeah, bro. If this was your feed, what would you think? This wasn't my feed. This was Christina's. Yes, it was. No, Christina sent this in. I didn't send this one in.

I didn't send this in. Did I send this one in, Josh? No, I didn't send this one in. I wonder how it got here. Wait, did I send this one in? Yeah. Yeah. Mine's just a gross couple of fried jams. I don't think this wonder how it got here Wait, did I send this one in? Yeah Yeah, mine's just a gross couple. I don't think this one came from you. Oh, no I tried I tried to send any like cool ones

Cool ones. Yeah, what's the difference with a cool one? You want to go through the the DM? Yes. Yeah I mean I can't don't have a folder of cool stuff. Yeah show any what you're what's in the folder This is the folder. Oh, this is. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Now I'm going to show... What do I do?

What's it called? Here's my question. I wish we had a gay here. Is that they're so indiscriminate, these gentlemen? Are they attracted to each other? It doesn't even matter. Do you know what I mean, Tom? Yeah.

Does it even matter that they both find each other attractive? Or is it just, I'll come anywhere, anytime with whoever? You answer, you're familiar with this community. I'm trying to send, which, which do I send it to? Are you sending them on Instagram? I can send it. You can just send them to the YMH. To the YMH account?

Yeah. Okay. Then this is for gays watching and listening. I'm sure there's a couple, just two of you. Yeah. Does it matter if you're even attracted to the guy talking to you? Do you have you know is it just about coming and you know? I imagine it's just like us like it's just you know depends how long it's been and how drunk you are. Oh got it so it's they could be pigs if

you really really want it. Like it's been 12 days you're like fuck I don't give a shit. Wow see women we're not like that. Not built like that. Most. This guy looks awesome. Hell yeah. I like this guy. I like them black and gay because I know that upsets anymore when it's his tribe. Hell yeah and this ain't my tribe. His half tribe. Meaning the black side. No it's none of my tribe. Half dry. Meaning the black side. No, there's none of my dry. Guys, buy my lipsticks. ChristinaP.com, get all the flavors, all four colors.

The perfect four right now, ChristinaP.com. Thank you to everybody that bought my lipsticks. For Mother's Day, I hope your lady enjoyed them. I love making them. I'm wearing the perfect red right now. Wearing the perfect red. I'm getting a pivot red. I wore the perfect red right now. Wearing the perfect red. I'm gonna have that red. I wore the perfect red to your premiere.

I sent a few of these to the YMH, if you pull that up. These are things I've sent any that he's like, no, I don't like this. Oh, that's how I talk. That's what this is. No, I don't like this. I don't like this anymore. I'm not into this gay shit. Okay, so I sent him this one You know what I don't even know if you get okay, that was okay really all right cool cool cool

I don't know screams. Yeah, I don't even know I can't see the other dude. I think this one man Yeah, I know I saw it Maybe yes, I'm a major from the Ranger station sure come on in come on in You don't need to show the door closing. That's it. It's just a guy, a neighbor, just you're just borrowing his phone. How'd that make you feel? Terrified.

But there's nothing happened. He just, can I borrow your phone? That's my worst nightmare. A black he just, can I borrow your phone? That's my worst nightmare. A black guy saying, can I use your phone? Nah, worst nightmare, nah, I step into a motherfuckers house, he just come out of his room shirtless. Fuck, man, no, no, don't do this. What do you need? I have money, sir.

Fuck. There's another one. Terrifying. Don't touch me. I was booked to do a live show, and I was under the impression it was supposed to be at a bar. Well, I'm sorry if there was any confusion, as you can see this isn't a bar, but it is my resort. Oh. Well, this was the address I was supposed to come to. Well, I did in fact book you, but for a private performance from me. Wow.

Well, I can get into that. That's not even a setup. It's like, do they, why even have this stuff in gay movies? Just fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Well, the straights do it too. They're like, yeah, that's true. So this one he really did. This one's my favorite. Yeah, oh man

Say good morning asshole This is what I do on a daily basis when I'm not in trouble in your life Come on man, It's so sweet. There's just people having fun. I got good folks. Say good morning. Good morning. Good morning.

There's someone. Say good morning. Say good morning. I'm sorry. I can't hear what you're saying. Say good morning. Say good morning. I ain't saying nothing.

I ain't saying nothing. And they shouldn't be saying nothing. They should be keeping this behind closed doors. Nobody wants to see this shit. Look how cute they are. They're so adorable. He's just getting little play bites. What's wrong with you? Ang ang ang ang.

Hey Annie. Ang ang ang ang ang. I'm gonna quit man. I wish. Tom, why don't you. I'm gonna quit. Tom doesn't even nibble me like those two gay gents. What?

You don't nibble me like that. I just went mute. Oh. Did that fall out? Oh. That's what you get. Oh. That's what your ass gets. Sorry, I lost my headphones. He was too excited thinking talk thoughts. I also sent him this because I think you like this kind of shit. That's what you get. Oh, I like this one. Yeah. You know what's crazy? I'm so not into gay shit that I'm like, you know what? This is fine. I'll fuck with this.

I love these. You can show me these all day. There's a couple things that I know that Eni goes, no. One is gay shit, but the other is women farting. It's true. It's not ladylike. But after gay shit, like low key like I'm attracted to this one. Please, anything, anything else, please. Please just give me anything. Oh man. Yeah, he's been starving in the desert. Oh, there are these two again.

Oh yeah, well they're talking though. Actually, these different guys. Your walls are so soft. Oh my fucking God. Walls shut up. And they have like suction cups on it. So when I'm in there it's like... And it's so soft, it's so wet.

Like... I'm gonna puke too. You just be so wet like especially like when you ride from me. Yeah. Like your your pussy is so soft. Okay. Anyway, that's the kind of stuff I said said him and he's like I'm gonna block you All day I don't even know how you have time like you're a busy man. Yeah

Well, let's switch it up to something. It's a little nicer too busy for work Okay, this is a this is a different theme here. Okay I had a threesome with a guy and his mom and that was like his birth mother When you say threesome Everybody interacted with each other sucking dick. He said and I quote do what you do best and come suck this dick There's mother to his mother. She got on her knees and she did what she was told to do I ain't gonna lie. I turned on after she stopped sucking his dick. stopped sucking his dick, he looked at me and he was like, come suck this dick.

And so I went and I sucked his dick. I mean, but yo, she was gobbling and she eat some good pussy too. You guys are doing good. That was a whole new, we've never had that. I don't wanna go down this route. This is fine for me to never explore, thank you. That was a lot, right?

That was moose soup for sure. Yeah. Yeah, that was. I don't want any part of that. She had a threesome with a guy and his mother. I got it, thank you, I understood it. She made it very clear. What is wrong with you?

I have sons, I don't wanna think about this. That was really cool though. That was cool. That was so unique. Well, it's cool that she's super turned on. Also, the detail also that is, I think, best of that clip is that the guy said to his mother, do what you do best.

Yeah, I'm gonna puke, thanks. Which is like, you know how you do this all the time. You're the best mom. Mom. Bye bye. Well, it's not even like, if this woman is a sex worker and she's like, and then I had to do what I had to do, she's like, I loved it.

Yeah. I'm like, oof. Yeah, that's pretty rough. You belong with these people then. Have fun with that. Real quick, two other things here I wanted to show you. You pointed out, did you point out that Katy Perry has a dancing, this is, I saw her dancing.

So as predicted, by the way, she's been annoying for a long time, because she's on The Voice, I think, as a judge. And she went to space and everybody was like, why didn't we just leave her in space? Cause she's insufferable. Well, she's touring now and what she is passing off as dance moves is pathetic.

Well, yeah, cause these guys are supposed to, you know, they hire choreographers that make them do cool shit. You're supposed to do this stuff. If you're like that, the regular person goes, God damn, that's wild. But if you're going to do a show like she you're like that, the regular person goes, God damn, that's wild. Right, but if you're gonna do a show like she's doing on the scale. Big shows.

It should be tight. Watch her moves. She's not even moving her legs. Just her arm. I mean. What is happening? This is what my five-year-old six-year-old was when they come so from kindergarten They're cheering for this on their fans are dumber than she is That's pretty bad

What What? Oh, and the backup dancer is just as lazy. Look, he's doing the same shit. That was pretty bad. Horrible. Not good. Even I could do better than that, and I'm no dancer. I put energy into it.

Yeah. That was bad. Pretty bad. Yeah, it's like, I mean, I hope you're not paying a choreographer for that. I don't know, and her hair looks stupid. Shit, I hired one. Oh yeah, that's right.

And they gave me better moves than that. Yeah, she doesn't even move her leg. Her legs are locked. And she's just moving her arms, yeah. Yeah. Oh, was that guy, was it Frankie Valli? We were making fun of him, because he's nine, he's got more energy in his performance.

He does. That was, that's embarrassingly bad. Yeah. Just sucks. One thing I guess I didn't get to talk about on this show last time, I got to do it on Kimmel. And so I wanted to share it with the audience is, I feel like, you know, we rib Bert a lot,

but you got to give him credit where credit's due too. And so I'll show you this clip with you guys and we can talk about it. Spoken to a few people over the last week who have been talking about your 5K that you had with your buddy Bert Kreischer in Tampa over the weekend. Yeah, we just did it yesterday. You know, Jelly Roll also came out and did it with us. He did it last year, and then this year, one year later, he was down 130 pounds and did it yesterday again. And he wants to lose another 100.

And then Burt last year, when he did it, you know, he had just found out he had type 2 diabetes. And then he, yes, like right before he got the clear that he no longer has diabetes. So that's a huge thing from training like that. Yeah. And he thinks he had it because he was eating too much fruit. And I was like, that's not, he's like, I love mango.

I'm like, you don't eat 70 a day. Like, it's for all your other things. Well, I remember. So, I mean, you know, if you are watching or listening, send Bert a message, you know, congratulations on diabetes, on beating diabetes. He did. What an amazing thing to overcome. Yeah, I feel like, I know. And he hadn't, like, it's one of the few things he hadn't boasted about, but I was kind of boasting for him.

Yeah. What a good friend you are. Thank you. You know what to do. Go ahead and put the messages out there. Let him know that you're proud of him, because that's a big deal. He beat the sugar. He beat the sugar, yeah. Very cool. Let's take a quick break, and we'll be right back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we are back, and you can see our next guest's new special, The Good Life, May 26 on Netflix. It's Mike Berbiglia, everybody. Hey. Hey.

I'm thrilled to be here. Welcome. Welcome to the program. We I'm thrilled to be here. Welcome. Welcome to the program. We've been talking about this forever. Yes. Well, can I tell you why? So I've never seen a Broadway show because I am a hayseed.

I'm very uncultured. I'm from Los Angeles. We don't do those things. And we're in New York, do your dork titties. My agent, Andrew Russell, says you have to go see Mike Birbiglia's show, The Old Man in the Pool. Right, am I saying the title right? Because it's been a while.

Yeah. And so Chase O'Donnell and I go to see him the day and I'm like, oh, this is just gonna be, I just hate this kind of stuff. I'm not artistic. And you know, Mike Birbiglia is so smart and he doesn't curse and he's not a derelict like me. And anyway, I'm gonna cry because your show was so thoughtful.

Oh my God, I am gonna cry. And the topic was so hard to do in such a funny and thoughtful way. And I don't wanna give away the ending, but what you do at the very end of that show has stuck with me for years. And now here's the crazy thing. So I see your show and then a year later I'm dealing with breast cancer. And I just remember your show and about that moment at the end, which I won't

give away and I was like, wow. And that's, it just carries with me. Cause when you realize how finite this all is and how fragile life is, and you start to really go for things that you normally wouldn't. And you don't give a shit what people think about you as much and you just go for it. And anyway, I wanted to thank you

and you should all see it because he's fantastic. Even though I know you're not running it anymore. I'm sure you'll be- No, it's on Netflix though. Oh, well fucking watch that too. Thanks. Okay, so tell me about the new one. Wow, Jesus.

Can we take a moment to- Wow, he's just brilliant. I know, but God. He's brilliant. You're making me, Jesus, you're making me tear up. Oh really? Well, yeah. Let's watch it tonight. But it's true though, I was watching your episode

with Sebastian Maniscalco of this show, and I loved that episode. And the things that you guys were talking about, I found really relatable. You were talking about like, your kid, you know, my daughter's just turned 10, and your kids are like. Almost six and nine. Yeah, and it's like, talking about like your kid, you know, my daughter's just turned 10 and your kids are like. Almost six and nine.

Yeah, and it's like talking about like, like missing any of it. It's like, what's it fucking worth? Because it can just all go in a snap. It's like, we don't know. It's like that thing. It's like, we don't know if we're in the first act or the second act or the third act.

We don't know if there's gonna be a second act. Oh my, I just got the chills. And you get it. Well, cause that happened to us where you just get a phone call one day Oh my god, I'm crying and there's like you just get a phone call No, I know one day you think you're just living your life and then it turns out you're gonna just fight for your life And you're like, I was just on the ship that was doing what are you talking about? I'm fine

No, no, no, you're gonna be fighting for your life and then you win and you're like, oh my god What do I do now? Hopefully'm fine. No, no, no, you're gonna be fighting for your life. And then you win and you're like, oh my God, what do I do now? Hopefully I get another 20 years or whatever. If you're lucky, you just don't fucking know. And it can happen young too. You can just fucking. Oh, I know.

It happens all the time. I walk in across the street. It's so horrible. Yeah, so that special is Old Man in the Pool and then this one's called The Good Life. And similarly, it's about things that are like the unfunny part of life. Like it's about how my dad had a stroke like a year ago. And you know the first joke I found in it was like it's been devastating

but if I'm being honest like it has calmed him down. And you know that was a kid he'd be like where are my goddamn keys and now now he's like, keys. And I'm like, it is more polite. Yeah, yeah. That's very funny. But like, it's been like, honestly, like digging into this thing of like, when I started writing this new hour, it was two years ago, and it was all about like,

what can I teach my daughter? You know, when you're a parent, sometimes you're like, I don't know anything. Like, I'm max out at like age seven Yeah, I'm killing it to age seven and after that I don't know a lot of this. Yeah, but then like When my dad had a stroke, it's like oh I started thinking about like now I have to explain like the big things to my daughter And so that's like what the show is all about so similar like in terms of like the weightiness of old man

How did you wait? How did like what was the idea as far as getting into this style of show? Cause like, I remember, you know, I want to say when you started, but like when I first learned of you, right? It's like a regular standup, regular standup show. I remember obviously you were a really good writer cause you would read, there was like the

Mike Birbiglia Journal. Oh Yeah, Bob and Tom and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. You would read those pages and it was like, oh, this guy's obviously like, you're a good writer, you know? So, but then you go now to move it into a show that's a, it's a different style show. One man shows are obviously they're like, they're more emotional. There's a whole different thing going, like, was it like a calculated thing? Like, I want to transition to these types of shows. It was funny. It was like The I was at Aspen Comedy Festival and the moth was just a storytelling series

Yeah, they asked me and it was like burr and like jean garofalo louis black handful of people to tell stories and they kind of like Taught us how to tell a story and that kind of thing. This is like 2003. Yes I was a while ago. Yeah and I told this story I'd never really told a proper like Beginning metal and story before on stage and I told this story about how when I was in high school I had my first girlfriend and she told me not to tell anyone that she was my girlfriend because she had another boyfriend in another town or whatever.

And so I'm like okay, because it's your first girlfriend, you're like okay whatever it takes. And then she invites me to meet her parents for the first time and I go over to her house and we're hanging out and then there's this other guy there and I'm like slowly realizing like, oh, that's the other guy. No, this chick's wild. It was wild. No, and I think she does. Yeah.

But so and then at one point, so he, the guy invites us to go to his house to hang out and we I go and I meet his parents and the punchline of it is like, it's very nerve wracking meeting your girlfriend's boyfriend's parents. But for the time, it's like you're angry, you're upset, but you also want to make a good impression. Oh God. And so I told that on stage and like at the moth.

And then I had this thing where I was like, the kind of similar to like when I started doing standup in like the late 90s after I saw Steven Wright. I was like, the kind of similar to like when I started doing standup in like the late 90s after I saw Steven Wright, I was like, oh, I should write jokes. You know what I mean? Like that's what happened. That's how I started in standup. But that was the first time 2003 where I was like,

oh, I should tell stories. Like this is crazy. Like the feeling in the room when you tell a story that like the audience doesn't know which way to go, is it was such a rush. I started writing a lot of stories, and then when I sleepwalked through a second story window, I was like, then it was like, oh, this is a show,

and I started working with a director, this guy Seth Barash, and I've done all my shows. Just repeat that last bit, because there are people who may not be familiar. They don't know. So just repeat what you just said because it's wild. Yeah. So this is old hat to me because I wrote a show about it and then I wrote a book about

it. And a movie. And a movie with the Sundance. And it's called Sleep Walk With Me. I have a serious sleep disorder, which some people think is REM sleep behavior disorder, RBD. And it got so bad when I didn't treat it that I jumped through the second story of a La Quinta Inn in Walla Walla, Washington. So that's true.

I'm not... Yeah. The words are so comedic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does the fall, what is what wakes, like snaps you out of that? So I jumped through it. So the dream was... And I jumped through, so the dream was, and I jumped through the window, like the Hulk, like the Incredible Hulk. Whoa.

Yeah, because it was the winter, and the windows were closed. So I had a dream, there was a guided missile headed towards my room, jumped out of bed. People who have RBD sometimes act out their dreams in really extreme ways. So I jumped through the window and then I landed on the front lawn, kept running.

And this is like, this is the part that I remember vividly where I'm running and I'm slowly realizing I'm on the front lawn of La Quinta Inn in Walla Walla, Washington in my underwear, bleeding, bleeding. And I'm like, oh no. But then I realized it and at that moment I was relieved that I hadn't been hit by the missile. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, oh fuck. It's like your shit. Yeah. Yeah. High action. Which is great, by the way, your show is fantastic. Thank you. You're

I'm sure you probably hear this a lot. It's a great actor too. He is. Thanks man. You're great actor. Thank you dude, that's very nice. That's the part I didn't know. I always thought you were funny. I didn't know you could act, like in play nine parts. Thanks man. Good job Tom. So yeah, so I jumped through the window

and yeah, I lived to tell it. And then that show became a whole thing. I remember that show being quite big, but can we go back to the details of like, you go back into the hotel? Yeah, you have to tell the manager like hey, so here's what's crazy There we go. There we go. There's a plaque that we sent them to put up on the wall and it's there still that's Awesome. Yeah, you know, it's funny. There's a great follow-up to this which is

Yeah in this room January January 26, 2005, comedian Mike Birbiglia sleepwalked out the window. That story became the basis for a book and feature film, Sleepwalk With Me. Seriously, Google it. Seriously, Google it, yeah. And so this winter, on like the 20th year anniversary, yeah, I took those photos the night I jumped through the window.

That's like the real serrated glass. Oh my God. In the wild. That's like the real serrated glass. Oh my god. In a while. That's crazy. And so the 20 year anniversary, we took a camera crew back to Walla Walla and I went to the hotel, talked to the guy from the front desk. Also by the way- I interviewed the guy from the front desk. He's still there.

Fun to show people how comedians travel and live. Oh I know. This is like what we do. Completely. Yeah. Lucky to end for 15 years. Yeah. Oh, I know. This is like what we do. Completely. Locking to ends. Shit. For 15 years. Yeah. Yeah.

So I went back in January, interviewed the guy from the front desk. And I go, did it, is it how you remember, when I tell the story on this American life, whatever, is it how you remember it? And he goes, you weren't in your underwear. That was it. That's it? Yeah, yeah. Cause you weren't in your underwear. That was it. That's it?

Yeah, yeah. Cause you weren't in your underwear. But it's funny how memory works. He goes, you were wearing a robe. I absolutely was not wearing a robe. Yeah. I don't own a robe. Yeah.

There was not a robe at the motel. Not at the La Quinta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not the Waldorf. But it's funny how memory works. But I interviewed all the people. I interviewed the doctor who put stitches in my legs at the hospital. And I interviewed, like, there were people, there were cops who were on the radio that

night who were like, oh yeah, this was on the radio. They said there was an incident and this guy's at the hospital now. Yeah. So wait, how do they prevent you from doing this now? Do they strap you to the bed every night? this now? Do they start to treat it? So for a period of time I was taking I still take Clonopin and I know I don't love it. I don't love it. I've been weaning myself off of it slowly but like it's a lot and then for a long time I

It's a it sounds like a, but I slept in a sleeping bag and I wore mittens so I couldn't open the sleeping bag. That was something the doctor told me. Yeah. Well, keeping you alive. Put mittens on. Mittens on. Yeah.

Yeah, because I mean, you could have been on the 18th floor of a nice hotel. Oh, 100%. So for a long time, I wouldn't stay on the second floor. That's the college I performed at that day. I performed at two colleges that day. It was like Whitman College and maybe like Cascadia College. I was on like, this was like a period in my life where I had done NACA conferences,

which are like these college booking conferences. I never got booked. And I was doing like, I was doing, I don't know, 50, 100 colleges a year. So I'm like driving around and I'm like, you know, barely making enough money to get by. And like, and it was in, and I was so sleep deprived. Yeah. So a lot of it was sleep deprivation.

So like a big thing in my life now is like, get the sleep. I remember NACA was such like, by the way, you find out about it and you're like, everyone's like, that's what you want to do, bro. You want to get NACA to sign off on you and get college gigs. And we were like all trying to get them. Cause the money was so good. And remember you'd have to write like six checks,

NACA West, NACA South. Was that just me? Am I the idiot that got duped into writing six checks? It was a fortune. Was it Pacific Northwest? That was from Pacific Northwest. So yeah, so that was how I started telling the stories and then, yeah.

So then you found you had a lane, kind of, right? You were like, oh, I have this. Yeah, it's weird. I did not mean to have a lane, but it ended up being that. Wait, so after this, were you like, hey, I stay on first floor only? Yeah. For a long time, probably, right yeah For a long time probably right for a long time like my agent

Mike Berkowitz would call and just be like Mike is staying on the first floor And it was a secret like we weren't telling people because I didn't want people think I was insane Yeah, of course, and they'd be like why and he'd be like that's what Mike Berkowitz wants. You know that's his writer Yeah, that's hilarious. Did you ever go somewhere where they're like, we don't have anything? Like you have to be on the 10th floor. Yeah. Really? Yeah, but then like at one point an engineer explained

to me that like, if you're staying in a good hotel and the glass, you literally couldn't jump through it. Like if you're staying at like a Westin or something, like you couldn't jump through the window of the 10th floor like that's like Essentially, it's the equivalent lot of people who are like, I love Cigurra, I love Burbighli, we're in the same conversation a lot for years. But I, yeah, I do like, I do do a lot of storytelling, but I feel like what you're doing, that is

like a show that's a story, right? Like, that's something I've never attempted, you know? Like that's very cool. You think you might? It's never occurred to me. I've never attempted. Like that's very cool. I think that's- You think you might? It's never occurred to me. I don't know. I mean, the way I do it now is like, yeah,

the hour is littered with different, like it kind of goes in and out of stories. Yeah. But I find what you're doing with these types of specials and shows, it's its own thing. I think it's kind of like the ultimate storytelling thing is like, this is a show that's a story, right? So, yeah, very cool.

How did you get to Broadway with it? Like, how did you go from like, I'm a standup comedian to I'm gonna break into this world that's so, at least to someone who grew up in Los Angeles, so foreign. No, totally. And to me it was, cause like I grew up in Los Angeles, so foreign. No, totally. And to me it was, because I grew up outside of Worcester, Massachusetts. I never went to Broadway.

I never... Were Broadway people like, oh Jesus, comedian? I think maybe. Yeah. Because they seem very... Some of them are into it, and some of them I think are not.

But like, Patti LuPone came to Old Man in the Pool. And Nathan Lane presented my first show. So there's the people, a lot of the people I respect are really sweet. How did you get to know Nathan Lane? Nathan Lane had, and that's really in some ways why I had legitimacy in the theater world, is Nathan Lane had a few of my comedy albums.

Like, Two Drink Mike, and I think my Secret Public Journal Live. And he really liked this one story I think my Secret Public Journal Live. And he really liked this one story I tell from Secret Public Journal Live where I was in a, this is a true story, years ago I was in a celebrity golf tournament and I was paired up with this for charity and I was paired up with these two guys and my brother Joe and these guys said to me, they go, who do you think our celebrity is going to be? And I was like, oh no, I think it might be me and then like I'm apologizing to the guys like I'm so sorry I'm your celebrity if you think this is disappointing for you. You can't imagine how disappointing is for me and

That was just like and that was like this pain It's really painful hell gig story that Nathan really liked and then he and then he came to my show at Caroline's and I was actually doing all the sleepwalking stuff and And then he came to my show at Caroline's and I was actually doing all this sleepwalking stuff. And he was on Broadway at the time. He was in a David Mamet play called November. It was like 2007, 2008. And he loved the show.

He loved the sleepwalking show. And he literally sent me a note, hey, I love this show. I was so nervous because I knew he was in the audience. They told me at Caroline's he was in the audience. Oh, why did they tell you? They should tell you. I know, I shouldn't tell me. No.

So I was so nervous, and then he didn't come back, because he's shy in real life. And then I wrote him a note back, and then we had dinner, and then we became friends, and I said, would you ever consider presenting this show? I have this show called Sleepwalk with me. And he was like, sure. And then he did and then it ran for eight months

off Broadway. And so that was like, and so then like two shows later. So then there was a lot of talk at that point of like, maybe this show could go to Broadway and it didn't. And then I had another show called My Girlfriend's Boyfriend is off Broadway. That's on, I know it's not on Netflix, but it was for a while.

And then, and they were like, maybe this could go to Broadway and it didn't. But then the, I think it was not on Netflix, but it was for a while. And then, and they were like, maybe this could go to Broadway, it didn't. But then the, I think it was, yeah, the new one. And then the old man in the pool ended up making it there. That's pretty amazing. It's weird. Yeah, it's amazing. But what a difference too in performing, because as standups, like Tom and I

are more club comedy people, I guess our origins, like you were doing college as we were doing clubs. And the difference with Broadway... I've seen clubs do that. No, no, I know. I'm just f***ing... But what stands out to me, I think I'm projecting because I'm more of a dirt bag, I like that environment, is people actually listen when you're doing a Broadway show and they're not incoherently drunk or vomiting and it's a different dynamic and tiring. This isn't a pound of wings.

It says a pound of wings on the menu. You're not contending with any of that. It's not a pound. It's not a pound. Yeah. No, and I think that's part of what hooked me into doing theaters at all was people listen. Yeah. Because I started out working the door at the Washington DC Improv when I was in college in the late 90s.

And I was like, oh, okay, like, I could work clubs. And I started working like funny bones and improvs out of school. And I was like opening for a ton of people. And then I opened for the first Comedy Central live tour. I did like five or six of the dates with Mitch Hedberg, Lewis Black, and Dave Attell. Yeah, crazy. Oh my God. Unbelievable lineup.

And I did Philadelphia, I did DC, I did New York City. And I called, and I was like, people listen. People are listening to the jokes because they're not really drinking that much, they're seated, they're looking at you as opposed to looking away from you. So crazy, watching the show like this? Yeah, yeah.

And I literally call my agent, I go like, dude, you gotta book me in theaters. And he was like, you don't have enough fans to fill a theater. And I was like, smaller theaters. You know what I mean? So like I for a bunch of years there from like 2006 through 12 I was playing like 500 to like 900 seat theaters. For a much better experience. It was great. Yeah. And so that

was like yeah. Those are still really fun. They're. Yeah, those are the best. Yeah. Yeah. So that was like, yeah, that was a great party. By the way, the one time I worked, a few times, but this one time I was working the Cleveland Improv. Yeah. And the Cleveland Improv used to have just a Cleveland police officer just waiting in the lobby. You're like, why is there a cop here?

And they're like, oh, he's always here. Because sometimes we need him. And you're like, oh. And I'm waiting to go on. The feature's on stage. And I hear this commotion. I'm like, what's going on? Well, this guy was like, the menu says a pound of chicken.

And he goes, that wasn't a pound. And they're like, well, you ate it. Like, you ate it. He's like, but it wasn't a pound of chicken, he goes, that wasn't a pound. And they're like, well, you ate it. You ate it. He's like, but it wasn't a pound. And so the cop comes in, and he's like, what's the issue? And they're telling him. And the guy's like, look, man, either pay for your wings, or I got to take you to jail.

And the guy goes like this. And he took the ride to jail. The business we work in is insane. So crazy. The Cleveland improv. I've done that one, yeah. Yo, and they'd send me there, little white girl, just trying to live.

And I remember like prostitutes and johns getting thrown out during my stay. That's a wild one. I opened for Angel Salazar there. Oh, check it out! Shake it out wild one. I'm hoping for Angel Salazar there. Oh, check it out! Shake it out, Cleveland! I'm hoping for that medium too! Shake it out, shake it out!

The boombox? He kills! His credit is still Scarface. Of course! But these players, oh my God, Angel Salazar. Yeah, dude. Nice guy. And also he kills a he kills he kills but like these it's so hard to explain to people sometimes that the business that we work

In a comedy is so low-class. It's so The commie cellar the other night We're all trading stories at the table about when we worked for mobsters Yeah took a gun out when you're settling with them. And everyone had a different story of a different guy. And people think we're making this stuff up and it's like, no, no, no, the fucking manager is like, how much do I owe you?

And you're like, $400. I think it's 300, you know, and puts a fucking gun on the table. These are real people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, some of them are dead, thankfully. a fucking gun on the table. These are real people. Yeah. Yeah, some of them are dead, thankfully. Yeah, some of them die. Whew.

It's good when they die. Yeah. I remember one time I had a club owner, I was touring with another female comic. Instead of offering payment, offered us his ex-wife's fur jacket. Oh, that's interesting. So that was kind of neat. There was no gun. Oh my god.

But I'm sure he had one. And you need a coat? Did you say no on the coat? Of course. I was like, money, dummy. I didn't come here for someone's fur jacket, pig. I had one time a guy, this is when I started to sell tickets, and I had a door deal, which is like, it's very simple math, right? It was, it was a hundred percent of the door. Yeah.

So it was like, he goes, Oh, you took your show sold out. He goes, can you guess what you made? I go, I don't have to guess. He's like, what do you mean? I go, well, it's just simple math, man. It's a hundred percent of this. And he goes, huh. So he goes, it's just simple math, man. It's 100% of this. And he goes, huh.

So he goes, it's this much. And I go, no, it's not. And he goes, what do you mean? I go, you're off. It's off by like whatever amount. He goes, Donna? So he calls in this lady and he goes, he says that it's this.

Well, I told him it's this. What do you, what? And Donna just goes, he's right and he goes All right. He just changed the chat. I was like, dude I had a gig once I won't say where it was where I bet I can guess I Get to the settlement and I'm like, oh my god, it's gonna be like $3,000. Yeah, it's gonna be so much money. I like packed this place and the Booker

Just starts crying. I swear to god. I've never told this story. It starts crying and I was like, are you okay? She goes we just don't have The money like how much money do you have? She's like we have this much money. That's fine. Whatever And then like I just was like, okay, I'm not going back but. I'm gonna write down the name of this club. Yeah, yeah. Hold on.

It's actually. I know what I know. Do you know? I don't know, is it this? No. Oh. But that's a good guess. I had one where she. But I'm like, but with that one, it's like where is the money?

We don't have it. You don where is it? Where is the money? We don't have it You don't have it. Where was the money? I had a lady where I Did she gamble the money? Yes, she gave me drugs something. She gave me a lot of shit She gave me a lot of attitude like she was a asshole Gave me the check I go to the bank bounces. Oh, yeah, I get to call her and be like, hey, your check fucking bounced. And she was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I'm like, I see a different tone from you. And then she mails me another check.

That one doesn't clear. And then I go, hey, what the fuck? And then she finally sends me a third check that clears. I think I remember this happening. This is around when we got married. And we deal with it as comedians because we're so desperate. Before you I remember this happening. This is around when we got married, yeah. And we deal with it as comedians because we're so desperate. Yeah, of course.

Before you have a good agent, yeah. Yeah, when you're starting out, you just take anything. Anything. Todd Glass told me the joke joke once, you know Todd? Yeah, of course. Told me the joke joke once of like, you know the one that's,

you just improvise what the beginning is and then it's who books that? Yeah, yeah. You know that? I think Todd's is like, oh, I went to this place, this is West Virginia, and the person has one tooth, and you have to fuck the grandmother of the person, and then you have to sleep in a cabin in the woods,

and it's got like cockroaches on it, and then the other comic goes, who books that? Yeah, of course. I'd love that week. Of course. Yeah, yeah, I'd love that week. Cause you're so desperate to get good at this thing. But that's why you're entitled to make the money

when you finally do break through. It's like, this was 15 years of La Quinta and- Yes, La Quinta and jumping through windows out there. Yeah, dude, give me the money. Yeah. I always told, like one time I did a run where the guy took me, you know, it was like, it was a promoter who's just like some guy,

he's not a real promoter. And he set up these gigs and we go to Oakland and then like I get into the hotel and I hear screaming and then like these crazy stains. I go, what happens here, man? This seems like a pretty fucking dicey place. He's like, I think it's all right. And I go, I don't think it's all right.

And I go, oh bro, because we walk in and it's a motel where the, when your door faces the street, I go bro, there's no doors on the street, man. Like, we gotta go somewhere. I was in Tulsa last year and it was a great show. That's a great comedy town. I'm gonna uber from the airport and the woman who's driving goes so there's right over there on our left

There was like a shootout yesterday, and then she drives 20 more feet and goes here's your hotel Yeah, when I signed with Andrew Russell I I go, all right, I got a few conditions. Number one, I don't share a room with the other female act. And if you book me a hotel that has indoor facing doors, I don't face the parking lot. And he goes, Jesus Christ, what happened to you? Yeah, it's just torture. It's like, they're like, why aren't there more women in stand-up comedy?

Well, because you go through this. You have to be so severely damaged as a woman to put yourself in this world. We comedians stay at hotels where it's only comedians and sex workers at the hotels. Totally. That's where we stay. Or, well, what's worse, that or the comedy condo.

Comedy condo. I don't even know if that's a thing anymore though. But it's covered in jizz. Oh God. And how many people have keys to that place? The guy. You're right. I never even thought about that.

How many keys are out there? They picked me up and they're taking me, I was doing Kansas City improv, which is of course like 40 minutes from Kansas City. That's how you're in the geography. Which is 40 minutes from Kansas City. Exactly. He's driving me out there and I did the usual thing

where I go, who'd you have last week? Oh, I hate that. He goes, oh we had, he goes, we had Jay Medicine hat. Rest in peace. And I go, oh cool, how was that? He was like, well, great shows, man. He shaved his pubes in your sink. Oh my God.

And I go, did you clean it up? He goes, yeah, I go, why'd you tell me that? I don't wanna think about his pubes when I'm brushing my teeth. And he's like, ah, not bad, we just cleaned it up. I'm like, bro, those are the stories they tell you, oh, these guys, they were double teaming this chick and they shit in the bed.

And you're like, why are you telling me that, bro? I don't want to think about that. Remember, he's dead now. I don't know if he's resting in peace, Glaser. Craig Glaser, he's dead. I can say stuff about him now. I think, oh my God, what's his name? Brito, Mike Bridenstine just wrote a book about that guy.

Okay, so Craig Glazier, he wrote a book about himself. He was such a criminal. Yeah. He would pick me up for morning radio in tear away sweatpants. Yeah. This is Missouri? What city? Kansas City.

I remember this. Stanford and Science. Oh wait, the guys who are the brothers? Yes, the Glazier brothers. The two brothers, those guys are wild. Wait, are they still alive? Let's make sure before we continue with the story. Let's make sure we forget about it.

Cause those guys are wild. Yeah bro, he's fucking dead, right? Yeah, he's dead as of 2018. But his brother, I don't know if that guy's still alive. Anyway, Glacier was a super cool dude. Okay, Jack's dead too. He'd pick you up from morning radio at 5.30, 6 a.m. to promote Stanford and Sons.

Not to be confused with Sanford and Sons, the TV show in Kansas City. And then he'd come in and be like, you're preparing stories? And I was like, I guess, yeah. And then he'd sit in on your radio so that he was on a mic too. Sure. And participate.

We gotta get that guy in. He's good. He's good. He's good. And then you get in the car with him and they go, what do you think your grade was for radio? Oh God. I'm gonna give you a grade, Christine. What's your grade?

Oh jeez. And I'm like, I don't know, A plus, pretty great. He's like, B plus, maybe B minus. Like he's just such a, he would get you. I remember that radio guy too in Kansas City It was something like the wolf the animal Yeah, what are you in the beaver?

The barker the monster And then weirdly you have to be like, different. I thought we started doing that. You have to be different to this like, essentially failed comedian. Yes. Right? Like most of those radio guys who we used to go were people who couldn't hack it in comic.

They end up on the show. The show takes off in that market. And then they're real tough real me Or they would come in I would by the way I was fucking bad because I would go in if I had met one of those guys yeah in the room and I sensed That from them that were like yeah, I'm the shit I would be I would just kind of shut down because they would go what you mean ask you I go ask me Whatever you want. They're like no. We're about to go live. What's the setup?

I go there is no setup, and then they'd go, ask me whatever you want. They're like, no, we're about to go live. What's the setup? I go, there is no setup. And then they'd come back on the air and they'd be like, so this guy, Tom, you're at the club, what's up, man? And I'd go, what's up with you? And then I was just like completely destroyed the whole thing. And I'd leave there in the club, I'd be like, the fuck was that?

And I was like, I don't know. I don't have anything to prove to that guy. Well, cause you're not moving tickets from local. Are you moving tickets from local? No. Let's be honest. Some of the places weirdly, I think you are. Well, cause you're not moving tickets from local. Are you moving tickets from local? No. Let's be honest. Some of the places weirdly, I think you are. There's a few like Pittsburgh.

Back then. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The WDVE guys in Pittsburgh, that was a big thing. And they were funny. I'd say Bob and Tom. Some of them are funny.

Bob and Tom was big. Move tickets. And are funny. Yes. There was the- Yes, they were good. Preston and Steve was great. Preston and Steve's great in Philly. That's still great. And that actually works. Yeah, some of them was great. President Steve's great and still

great. Yeah, that actually works. Some of them are great. Monsters in the morning in Orlando that actually would move tickets. They were fun. They were fun to do. But I'm reading Reagan and Buffalo and they were funny. They were funny. They were funny. Yes. But these tiny some of them were brutal. The craziest one was I did Hartford. I'll never forget this. Hartford comedic. The worst. All All right. He's like come on in we have like Another minute and then you know, just take over and I go what we just take over. I mean take over he goes just Do whatever you want crazy and I go I'm not gonna do anything He started and then the clock ticking down. He's like, hey man, we're about to be like, oh you better come up with something dude

He goes last week Bobby Lee was here and he took his clothes off. Sure. And I go how did that play on the radio? Yeah, and then he's like and we're live Just fucking it's giving me anxiety just talking about it or they would get mad at me cuz I wouldn't show up all dolled up Like you guys didn't show up dolled up, right? Yeah, it was six in the morning and I just I wouldn't wear pajamas But I wear like I just flew in the night before I just normal and they're like way to dress up Christine, right? And I'm like, I don't care. No one can see me. Yeah, we're on the radio. No one can see this dummy Why are you bringing that funny thing? What I started in DC at a club at the door and The funny thing when you when you're DC at a club at the door, and the funny thing when you're starting out

is there's a lot of hacks, like who are the opening acts, and I was opening act, but like the other comics, and they're crushing. The hacks are basically doing like 10 people's act, or a mashup of a bunch of people's jokes. And local references too. Right. And I was so young, I was like 22 years old,

like I didn't know what it meant to be a hack. Like I was writing my own jokes, performing the jokes. And like I would open for people and they would go, you're gonna go far in this business. Like I would open for, I remember opening this to this guy, he goes, in like West Virginia, he was like, you're gonna go far. I go, why?

He goes, you write your jokes. I go, doesn't everybody? He goes, you write your jokes. I go, Justin, everybody? He goes, no. And then I would, people in DC, I'm not gonna name names, but there'd be people who'd crush, crush at the club. And I'm like, they're gonna be huge. And then like Dave Chappelle would come a week later

and I'd be like, oh, he's doing his act. Whoa. Or like a week, yeah, a week after and I'd be like, oh, he's doing his act. Whoa. Or like a week after Dave Chappelle comes, there's three comics doing his jokes locally. That's nuts. Yeah, I know. That's wild. It was wild, like I didn't even understand it.

See, I think coming up in LA is different because you know what I mean? You're gonna see all the heavy hitters at the Comedy Store every week. Yeah, New York too. Yeah, if you're gonna bite some guys act, some big, everyone's gonna know immediately. No, it's crazy.

You can't do that. No, it's crazy. Did you ever have a radio, because I had a flashback to this, where they go, I'm sweating. So like, what's going on? What are you gonna do this weekend?

Like, how's the show gonna be? What are you gonna talk about this weekend, Tom? And you're like, I don't know, they're like, give us a little taste. Oh, the worst. give us a little taste. Give us a little taste. I'll go, ah, no. And they're like, just a little bit. Just give us a little taste. Oh, my God.

And I'm like, I mean, I don't I don't want to like do. And they're like, just just just give us a little like a little something. And then you go, your body's telling you, everything's telling you don't. Yes. But then they keep saying it. So I go... Oh, fuck. Alright, um... Uh... You know how sometimes, and I start doing a bit... Yeah.

Oh, boy. And then they would be like... Oh my god, they're just staring at you. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And then, dude, I did that one time, and then my friends that were in this city... Yeah. They were like, yo yo they're playing back like

you bombing and they're playing cricket noises yeah no and that was like yeah that's what they're doing right now in the radio you and I have this thing in common you and I have this thing in common I was watching that great clip of of your mom watching your TV oh yeah your Netflix series, it's super funny. You'd have to think in comedy, which is like, that's my dad with my comedy. My dad just doesn't get it. He'll just be like, maybe stay away from the personal stuff.

I'm like, that's kinda my, that's sorta what we're doing here. And when I started out working the door at the improv, when I was in college, my dad was so furious. He goes goes you're working on a comedy club my dad would fly off the handle and I go yeah he goes what do they do strip and they know they perform comedy he's like well that's not your priority you know you go nuts and so for years you know when I did the Broadway show and my first Broadway show that was the first time where my dad was like, oh, okay. Like, this is a pretty, you're on the fucking marquee

and on Broadway, it's crazy. But it is weird, like, when your parents, I actually think it's kind of good when your parents don't really get what you do. A thousand percent. Yeah, it's kind of great. Like, it's kind of refreshing to see your mom be like, no, no.

Yeah, hates it. That's probably why you guys are funny. She came over last night. She goes, I gotta tell you, if that show's really coming out, I'm like, it's coming out. If that show's really coming out. She goes, I will not come to any more of your shows.

Great. I will never do your podcasts. And I'll never, I go, promise? Yeah. She was like, I just, I'm so, I'm just so upset that you're doing this. And I'm like, okay, great. That's fantastic. See you later. you're doing this and I'm like, okay great

See you later. Well, my dad at first was like you are you are the embarrassment to the family You are not funny. You are a vulgar your dad said you're not Yeah, he tells me a piece of shit. I am and then he started bringing his Hungarian, right? Yeah, both my parents were Eastern European And then he would bring his fucking hoes to my shows. Like if I was doing like a club in a good city. To impress them. Yes, and then I became like dinner night entertainment. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you don't get to do this.

Remember, I'm a piece of shit. I'm not following the on-least and that. And then he got mad at me because I wouldn't let him. Yeah, my dad had that at one point. He brought, my dad was a doctor. My joke in the special, I go, my dad was a doctor when I was a kid. He got his law degree and I go,

that's how much he didn't wanna be a dad. He was like, what can I do in these slots of time when I would be parenting? But like, one time he brought like a bunch of nurses from the hospital and they were kind of wild. They brought like a bus, like a party bus with like a stripper pole and they were kind of wild. They brought like a bus, like a party bus with like a stripper pole and they were like dancing and drunk and they were like

the worst audience members. But it was oddly kind of satisfying that my dad looked cool at work. Yeah. That was like. Wait, is he really a doctor and a lawyer? He is, well he had a stroke so he's not practicing anymore

although he could but the poor patients. Yeah, yeah. He's like what day is it? This is really important to me. But no, he got his law degree in his free time when I was a kid. What? He never practiced, he didn't practice law but like he was.

Just to entertain himself? He's a super smart guy That's yeah, what's your mom like? My mom's great like my mom is a Honest like super religious. That's I talk a lot in the special about How I got I met the Pope last year and that was like a big big deal because I was really one of the comments Yeah, yeah a bunch of comic. Yeah. Well, I certainly I didn't even get to hear about Were you one of the comics? Yeah, yeah.

There's a bunch of comics, right? Yeah. Well, I didn't even get to hear about that invitation. You didn't get to hear about it? Yeah. It was like Chris Rock and Stephen Colbert. Oh, my life. Whoopi Goldberg and Gaffigan.

Gaffigan. Conan. Yeah. I didn't get a call either, but that's cool. I think that they don't want us, babe. I feel like they would have flagged some of your content. Maybe. That's a hot yes.

Who knows us? Fallon. Oh, my goodness. Rami. Yeah. That's me on the right. I feel like you could hear Roc going, you the Pope, right? Roc said the funniest thing, we're walking down the hallway,

and it's unbelievable, yeah, there I am. That photo's in my parents' living room. You look so happy. What'd you say to him? I said, I held up, okay, so there was a sheet on my seat and it said, Burbiglia, okay, so there was a sheet on my seat and it said Birbiglia, Mike Birbiglia. And I walked up and I held it up, and his last name before he died was Bergoglio.

And I go, I am Birbilia, you are the Bergoglio, I'm the next pope. I don't think he understood, but he sort of smiled, and like I was clearly doing a bit. It was fun. But it was great for my, I mean, that was like a big deal for my parents, because I was raised, my mom was like very Catholic.

You know, grew up in Buffalo, and you know, went to Latin Mass when she was a kid. This would have made, yeah, like not even English. That's hardcore Catholic. That's serious. grew up in Buffalo and you know went to Latin Mass when she was a kid. Latin Mass. Yeah, like not even English. That's hardcore Catholic. That's serious. Yeah, well your mom's pretty hardcore too. This would have made my mother just weep.

Oh really? Oh my god. Why don't you do a nice show like this one? Why can't you be like a mic? Yeah, so yeah, there's Conan and Julie Louis-Dreyfus. Oh yeah, I was walking down the hall, what'd you say Rock said? Julie Lutryfus. Oh yeah, I was walking down the hall, like that hallway actually, it was Rock.

And I go, what do you think of all this? And he looks around at like these ornate ceilings and walls and he goes, well, it's not a union job. It was a great joke. That's great. Oh, that's great. Yeah. What a unique, isn't that amazing?

So we just got like the depths of horror of comedy and then how random that you get to meet the Pope doing, because you're a comedian. No, it's so strange. Yeah, there's so many great things to it as well. I think in our, the three of us in our career span, comedy went from being kind of a dirt bag, kind of nightclub sport to being like pop culture.

It's pop culture. The pope was inviting us, a little bit of propaganda. He's giving a speech, comedy's important at this moment in time. You know, it brings people together and all this stuff. What he's really trying to do is say like, it's cool to be pious and care about things and connect people.

And it was good, it was a good speech. I mean, it really was. And he gave us these rosary beads that he blessed. And so I brought them home to my parents and like, you know, she loved that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They must've been like, well, you did well, son.

You, you got invited to meet the Pope. It's pretty crazy. Yeah. It's a strange turn. Cause I was an altar boy as a kid and all that. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. My joke in the special is, and the answer is no. Cause they knew I was an altar boy as a kid and all that. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, my joke and the special is and the answer is no Nothing cuz they knew I was a talker

But like but yeah, no So I was very like that was one of the only things I ever truly studied in my life and it was Was Catholicism as a kid. Yeah, I mean Catholicism was a huge part of my upbringing too in Ohio Yeah, yeah and like, you know, it was a huge part of my upbringing too. In Ohio? Yeah. And like, you know, it was not an option to not go to Mass for us through, not just through high school, college, coming home, but even through my twenties. Like if I came home to visit my parents and it was Sunday, there wasn't like a conversation about you were just going.

And I remember the, I still remember, we visited and I was, I think we were at this time, I'm over 30. And they just got up Sunday morning and they were like, we're going to Mass, we'll see you guys later. And we were like. And they came home and didn't, like they didn't do a guilt trip or anything.

They didn't say anything about it. They didn't say anything. And I was like, oh, they've, and they just kind of like resigned to it. They just were like, oh, they don't, they're not interested in going. Right. But it took them 30 plus years. Well, that was the whole thing is I'm so much the opposite of my parents. Like I was, you know, indoctrinated as a kid.

And then with my daughter, who's 10, 10, we've never taken her to church ever. I haven't told her almost anything. We go to the Vatican, she's like, Dad, who's Jesus? I'm like, oh wow, I've really missed, really done some oversight, overlooked some big things because she knows about the Greek gods and the Roman gods and the Norse gods and I just didn't say anything about Jesus So I'm just doing this crash course on Jesus. He's just got a big deal You guys know people think he's God and son of God and I'll spend some time in Texas. You'll learn about it Yeah, yeah, that's probably a big part of living around here

I know well, but we're kind of the same way cuz like I asked our oldest I was like, what do you know about God? He's like he controls the weather, dude I asked our oldest, I was like, what do you know about God? He's like, he controls the weather, dude. That's good, that's pretty good. That's funny. And that was kind of like the extent of it, and we didn't really talk about it much more.

No. I was like, he does control the weather. That's a good call. It's interesting, I heard this theory, which is like a majority of what your kids learn isn't from their parents, it's from their friends' parents. Oh wow. Ever heard that concept?

Because the kids tune out to their own parents. Yeah. But then other adults are like, oh, all right, maybe. That's so terrifying. Well, they definitely tune us out a lot. That's very true. Do you guys ever have big picture conversations with kids?

Yes, Mike Burbiglia. Okay, here's what I started doing. Here's what I started doing. I make it fun for them, okay? You weren't there, but I gave you the recap of this the other night. The two boys are at dinner, and I like to drill them on very important things.

For instance, I'll just do like a pop quiz. Hey, what kind of woman are you gonna marry? Someone who's nice, not just pretty. Somebody who treats me the way mommy treats daddy. Great, next. Hey, what if some kid says we should ditch school and go smoke some pot in my house? What do you say? Fuck he can say fuck and no and he gets excited and then I drill them hey Are you what I go let's get drunk and drive in the car hell no mom right?

I did that the other day if you make it like fun. That's nice. Smoking is really good smoking for losers, right? They also learned to bark at people who ride bikes So when we're driving by- It's called fun, Mike. When we're in the car and there's someone riding a bike, they go, rrr, rrr, rrr, rrr, like that. They like that. I don't get why.

Well, they're nerds and losers. They're nerds, yeah. And they're stupid because I know it's the law, it's fine, but you should not ride your bicycle in traffic. And I know that's the way of the land. I just think it's not very safe. I don't want my children to do it. So she's always telling them. And I want them riding motorcycles. of the land. I just think it's not very safe. I don't want my children to do it. So she's always telling them.

And I want them riding motorcycles. Motorcycles are for idiots too. I mean, I just, I put the seeds in very early. Yeah. I like that you got, the thing that I envy about you guys living in Texas is you got outdoors. Yeah. Kids can run around. They do.

Brooklyn, you live in Brooklyn, you can't really run around. You have a girl though, right? Yeah. That's fine. You think so? I grew up in a concrete jungle, I'm fine. Boys need to pick up snakes. You grew up in Canada, up snakes right no it was born in Canada and we moved to LA

when I was like four okay but boys need to pick up boys need snakes okay great they need to put holes and things always it's so crazy when you see like how they're wired like the energy yeah yeah and aggression like all they do is like they want to just fuck me up all day Totally all day. They're like, can we wrestle? Can we do much? Does your girl wrestle you and did was she active like that? No fighting no She doesn't wrestle I did a joke years ago where I was like girls Girls when they're a kid when they're little girls are just like would you like to have a tea party and boys are like now?

What you know? Distinct dichotomy. A thousand percent. Tea party. You can't even sit still. Would you like to have a tea party? No, she's, I went to her first swim meet last week and it was just like great. But like it's funny, cause I have a joke in the special where I say like I went to her,

my wife and I went to her ballet recital and we're just crying and crying because she doesn't have it, you know. And you know, we spent thousands of dollars on the lessons and hundreds of hours ago in rehearsal. She's not going to pro. But I'm going to have to like show her that just to be like, the joke is this.

You know what I mean? It's not, you're not good at ballet, like you're great at ballet. It's just we're crying because we're emotional about everything. See we think that our kids give a rip that we're in show business, could not care less. Yeah, every time I talk to her about it,

she's like I don't really care. I don't wanna talk about it. The only thing my kids were remotely interested in was when I did Is It Cake? An episode of Is It Cake? So get on Is It Cake! No, no in was when I did Is It Cake, an episode of Is It Cake. So get on Is It Cake. No, no, if I got on Is It Cake, my status in our house would change forever.

It's all they care about. Mikey Day to my daughter is what Steve Martin was to me. You know what I mean? He is the icon of show business. Yeah, that's so cool. Yeah, so you got on. No man, I jockeyed. The minute I saw it.

Were you good? I was great. Oh, were you good? Fucking pulled me up on Is It Cake? Oh, I was amazing. No, I mean, did I guess correctly? No. Did I look great?

Yes. Oh yeah, yeah. I brought Tupperware. And you were funny. I had a good time. Yeah. No, I'll tell you why. It is very difficult. Here's why. I don't know if I'm allowed to tell. No, I'll tell you why. It is very difficult. Here's why.

I don't know if I'm allowed to tell. No, I can tell this. So you know when they flip the thing and they, the thing rotates. Is that a Samarill? Yeah. Yeah, Samarill. Real cake jiggles when it stops.

Okay. So that's why they have you turn your back so that the cake settle. Oh, it's a hack. So you turn around they have you turn your back so that the cakes settle. Oh, it's a hack. So you turn around, otherwise you could tell straight away, but it's at a distance too, so you can't tell sometimes, but no.

It's very hard. The thing that was a big deal in my daughter's world is that I was in the Taylor Swift video for the music video, Antihero. What? Wow. Yeah, so I played her son in a dystopic future, like what would be a nightmare if this became my son who wanted all my money?

Wow. That's cool. That's me with a wig. How did you get that? Yeah. Was I your agent or do you know T-Swift? I met her around the time she was writing that song because in my, you know, the Old Man in the Pool, the song that plays at the beginning is by this group called Red Hurs.

That's one of the people in that group is Jack Ansonoff, who's like one of my best friends, and he produces like a ton of stuff with Taylor. Yeah, I know that name. So we met at the, we met around the time and she was like conceiving of this video and then one day she texted me and was like, hey Would you do this? That's showbiz. Yeah

Yeah, it was crazy. It's crazy. So that's like for my daughter. That's like hands-down number one thing Oh my god, you have this photo framed in a room? I mean, you know T Swift. I have the Pope in there. That's pretty crazy. We have the Pope in Taylor Swift I mean, for a little girl, that must be like nothing bigger. Yeah, it was crazy. And then we took her to the concert. You did? Oh, that's wonderful.

Met Life, it was amazing. That's like best concert I've ever been to. That's when you could tell, by the way, is like when she did that last tour the huge yeah Yeah, all these people who were like yeah I don't like I don't follow her, but I went to the concert and they're like that concert was unbelievable Everybody's giving crazy really crazy reviews. Yeah, it's truly crazy. Well. She's very talented. Geez. That's Jack on the back left nice

She is so talented. No, it's crazy. And that show is a feat of, you know, it's like a marathon. It's like a three and a half hour, four hour show. It's crazy. It's unbelievable. I heard she has to train really hard and stuff. Yeah.

And you know what's so funny? I pretend like I'm all goth and cool, which I am, but then I'll be like, I'll be like, Taylor Swift fucking sucks. Wait, except for this one song? Yeah, yeah. I'm like, damn. And then you find yourself singing.

No, except for those 15 songs that are undeniable. I know. Yeah. She's fucking great. So the new show is the is the good life the good life the is the kickoff from this the stroke the so the beginning of it is I'm walking with my daughter home from school and she we see like a smoke shop and

Called a good life and she's like dad. What's the good life? And I'm like, I don't even know it's not what I'm doing You know that I'm trying, I don't even know. It's not what I'm doing. You know, then I'm trying to explain drugs and, you know, it's sex and all these things that are like religion, big things. And then I kind of go into a lot of flashbacks about my dad and then in the middle of all that, like my dad has a stroke and I'm kind of coming to grips

with the fact that like, you know, my dad, like we had a stilted relationship for like, I would say most of my life. It's weirdly only now, in his final phase of life where I'm starting, like I said, it has calmed him down, the stroke it has. He used to shout so much. It wouldn't be every day, but it would be enough that you'd be on edge. Is it going to happen today?

Yes. That you'd be like on edge like is it gonna happen today? Yeah, you know The joke I say in the show is he'd be like where are my goddamn keys and we'd all be like We gotta find dad's keys Like I spent my whole life looking for those keys. I go I jumped through a window to find those keys and uh but like that was my you know, that was a lot of, and then, and then I was, you know, now that my dad is dying, like in the final phase of life, like, like you really do realize, like he's just a person and he was probably doing his best and we're all doing our best, you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. It is like a, like seeing your parent in that stage puts so much in perspective. So much. That realization as you age, that your parents were just two people walking around earth. Like, cause you know, for so long, it's supposed to be that way when you're a kid, you're like, these people are here for me.

They're special beings that are for me. And then as you get older, you're like, that's just a dude. My dad's just a guy who ran into this lady and they had me like they're just trying to figure it out. I'll see my dad like oh Yeah, there's my parents. They're good-looking people good-looking folks I'll see my dad like picking up like a cup or something and like and I'll just be like that's sort of like me Hmm, like you just see you go. Oh oh yeah, he's a human struggling with this thing and that kind of reminds me my own physicality even. Is he close to you now?

Like does he live in New York also? No, he lives in Rhode Island. So I'm going home like every few weeks on the train and that's where my brother and sister live. Oh, they live there? Yeah, which is hard for them. Yeah, it's hard for my mom It's just hard. Yeah, like the way The way america deals the health care system deals with like end of life stuff is not atrocious

No, there's this book Atel guande wrote called being mortal. You ever read that? It's really good. But tell about how he kind of opens by saying like in like india they wrote called Being Mortal. You ever read that? It's really good. But tell about how he kind of opens by saying like in like India gets a lot of things wrong in medicine, but like the thing they get right is like end of life because they treat it like it's special and like essentially you're like letting someone go. And like in America we're like we need to we need to prop him up and put him on stilts and shock his body and all this shit cuz just to keep someone alive but like barely alive and so much of their body doesn't work you

can't you can't walk you can't stand it's like so many things are brutal doesn't remember what happened in the last year it's a really hard thing so hard yeah I don't want any of that I don't know what to do hard. I don't want any of that. Yeah. I don't want any of that. I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to go to like a facility. I do want to buy a house maybe for comedians and like we can just hire like a staff. A condo. Yeah, comedy condo.

The last comedy condo. That's what we call it, the last comedy condo. And if you've been a comedian and you can come there and we'll all convalesce and like die together. And how much fun. This is the best idea I've heard. It's a pretty great idea. Thank you. Cause you've had a few laughs

and you go back to your room and then you know. It would be like sitting at the table except you live there. Yeah. Yeah. And drugs, it has drugs. Drugs. So many drugs. Prostitution. We're joking about it.

It's not joking. It's a good idea. Legitimately like a solid idea. Thank you. Just like dilated whenever you want it. Institution that I we're joking about it Solid idea, thank you just like I love it whenever you want Communities are of insurance no No, no, no, no, no loved ones. We don't know we don't love anyone. We're not loved It's a party pad no one likes us yeah, yeah, that's kind of I don't have family. It's a party pad. No one likes us. Yeah, that's kind of, I don't have family, like you and the kids, I don't want to burden my children. No, of course not. And you're gonna hopefully die before me.

Hopefully. Oh my god. We'll see. I don't know man, I'm feeling pretty good about my odds. I know, fucking, I know, I kind of. Really? I had cancer early. I know, but.

Tick cancer though, not in my organs. Exactly. And I'm invasive. No, I only had cancer early. I know but I did cancer though not in my organs exactly No, I think you're in the clear. I think so, but the seasonings there, you know, it's really no no no no no That's not how it works Let's get my dad on the phone. He can explain Can he talk he can talk yeah, so I talked. So I basically end up talking to him about it, I just ask him questions about his childhood. I grew up in Bushwick in the 1940s, and it's just like, you realize, or I've realized through this thing of like,

oh, I didn't ask my dad enough questions. Oh my God. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like I just didn't, I should have just let him go. Can I tell you something? I tried this with my dad. Really? When I was 28, we went to the Dominican Republic mean? Yeah. Like I just didn't, I should have just let him go. Can I tell you something? I tried this with my dad. Really?

When I was 28, we went to the Dominican Republic together, last vacation he and I took together alone. Yeah. And I tried it and I was like, dad, do you think that your traumatic upbringing in communist Hungary may have affected you emotionally? I can see where this is going. And he was like, no.

Okay, next question. Like, do you regret leaving your mom, like my mom? No, not really. Like there's no cognition. We gotta get you on working it out. We're gonna work this into a bit. Have you done that as a bit? Because it's so funny.

Like my podcast working it out, literally the whole premise is people come on and we talk about stories. It's like, how could that be a bit? I wanna do this. Yeah, come on in New York. Let's do it. Come on in New York.

But that's a great, no, but you guys come sometimes. You were there last month. Yes, yes, yes. From Madison Square Garden. But like, you guys should both come on and we should talk about bits because that's- You should definitely do that. That's fucking hilarious.

No self-awareness or reflection. No self-awareness. Like, but do you, one has to be capable of self-awareness or reflection. No self-awareness. One has to be capable of self-reflection in order to. Not everybody is. In order to answer those questions, Mike, is what I'm saying. My dad was like 72 when he was like,

you know, I think the war in Vietnam really affected me. Oh my God. I was like, what? He fought in the war? Yeah. And he always told combat stories. Oh my god He's like, yeah 72 years old. I go you think it affected you. He's like I do Yeah, that's that generations man though is no I know they just go like

Huh? I think cuz I think about those guys every day. I'm like really you've never said that Wow Yeah, every day I think about the guys that I fought with and died. I'm like really you've never said that wow. Yeah every day. I think about the guys that I fought with and died. I'm like Do you're just saying this now? He was like, yeah, he goes. I really think it affected him like Yeah, like you saw like the worst shit in the world. Yeah, and he's like, yeah. Anyway, yeah, I just figured that out What's for lunch? Yeah, just Yeah, and then with my dad like when when I you know 10 20 years ago I would get in the weeds of like arguing with him about politics or whatever and it's like who cares

Like it doesn't matter. No, this is not important What your politics and my politics are what cares what matters is like that? There's a human connection and like I don't know that that's my learn That's my lesson of my 20s and 30s was like, don't talk about stuff like that with your parents. Just ask them about themselves. Yeah, that's all I wanna talk around. That's a really great point.

You probably, if somebody actually digests what you're saying, it can save them a lot of heartache too. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah, you don't have to, cause it's easy, especially the people, some people have super combative relationships Where all they do is go I want to talk about politics with like their dad

Yeah, yeah, and then they're like, yeah 30 years went by and all we did was ever yell at each other You know, yeah there's this moment and especially I talk about arguing with my dad about something and I and I go I have this I Realized my whole life. I sort of wanted to be my dad and at a certain point I had decided I wanted him to be me I sort of wanted to be my dad and at a certain point I had decided I wanted him to be me That's like I feel like I've just realized that's true That's a big cuz you're mad at them because they failed to meet your expectations. Yeah, right and who cares? I want my mommy and daddy to be the way I wanted them to be and they weren't yeah What are you gonna do? Yeah, we're gonna do

the way I wanted them to be and they weren't. What are you gonna do? Yeah. What are you gonna do? You're not gonna do that. And also we're fucking up as parents, we're fucking up in ways that we do not understand yet. We don't yet. Fuck.

And we're just gonna, we're gonna find out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, our kids will be on this podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. My fucking dad. Yeah. My mom would say, I'm not gonna do drugs, fuck drugs.

Yeah, yeah. Trying to, she would like quiz us at the dinner table. That's a funny hack. I like that. Encouraging us to say the F word. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Well, there's one point where I just wanted them to write letters and stuff,

and I would let them write curse words on menus and stuff, just to spell, to start spelling and writing. It's a good spelling exercise. I kept them. Curse words are great. Yeah. Well I walked out of our house and I saw they'd taken chalk and written on this like wall, the garden wall, just like fuck, shit. And then a hot damn one, yeah.

Oh shit. Oh yeah, bosmer. And salad. Yeah, what else? We need to do. All right. We should tell you guys that May 26th, The Good Life comes out on Netflix. It's Mike Berbiglia's latest. He also has a bunch of other specials. He has books.

You'll probably put on another big show in another year or so. I think so, yeah. I think the next thing I'm gonna do is that I'm writing a movie right now. Awesome. The last movie was called Don't Think Twice, and that's available. I don't know wherever movies are that was about like a Group of people in an improv group or someone gets cast on like Saturday night live type show and then everyone else doesn't And it's sort of about what happens in friendships when that happens. Oh, yeah, which is called don't think twice

Here's a big surprise. They don't go. Hey great for you Oh, you saw the movie Yeah, so now I'm writing the next movie right now and yeah, thanks for having me on you guys Thanks for coming man. Awesome. Congrats on the special. We'll bring you to New York. We're working it out. Love to work out some bits I'd love sure. All right. We'll see you guys next week. Bye, Mommy. Just like, just like the gays. Just like, just like the gays. Tommy, would you marry your son? Uh, yes, of course.

My god, I wish I could. Tommy, would you marry your dad? Oh yeah, yeah of course I would do it. Christina, would you marry your son? Oh my god, yeah, yeah. Would you marry your dad? Yeah, of course. I live for this kind of shit. Yeah. Yeah. You want to marry your dad? Yeah, of course. I live for this kind of shit.

Yeah. Yeah. Just like, just like, a gaze. Just like, just like, a gaze. Just like, just like, a gaze. Just like, just like, a gaze. Just like, just like, a gaze. Would you marry your mom?

No. Come on. I think I'd marry my dad. Okay. Cristina. Yeah. Would you marry your mom? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don Come on. I think I'd marry my dad. Okay. Cristina? Yeah? Would you marry your mom? Hmm, I don't know.

Please? No. Would you marry your dad? Yeah. Of course. Yeah, for sure. Yes. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I really would. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy gays, Tommy. Just like the gays, Tommy. Just like the gays, Tommy.

Would you marry your dad?