Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Our Favourite Canadian(s) w/ Ian Bagg | Your Mom's House Ep. 829

Episode Date: September 24, 2025

SPONSORS: - Shop, save, and SCOOOORE today at https://Wayfair.com. - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, ED, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/YMH. - Go to https://ThriveMarket.com/YMH to get 30% off your first order and a free $60 gift. - If you’re 21+, try VIIA! For 15% off AND a free gift with your first order head to https://viia.co/YMH and use code YMH! #viiaparter Tom Segura and Christina P are back in Studio Jeans with one of their all-time favorite guests—comedian Ian Bagg! The Mommies dive right in with Ian’s trademark razor-sharp crowd-work style and wild storytelling, picking up where they left off after years of friendship and touring together. Ian shares hilarious memories from their trip to South Africa, including Apartheid Museum awkwardness, getting clowned by local comics, and Bobby Lee’s infamous run-in with some unlucky robbers. They also talk about the chaos of comedy festivals, the strange hierarchy among comics, and what it’s like navigating green rooms, promoters, and fans before a big "Blacks Only" show. Before Ian joins in, Tom and Christina debate a relationship fights where someone says “Nobody cares,” check out a clip of a dude threatening to eat a strangers’ ass, debut some now censored art, get raw with emotion, and take a bite of Fancy Chef's big chocolate bar. Strap in, Jeans, because Baggles is back! Your Mom’s House Ep. 829 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:08:12 - Opening Clip: Buy Christina's New Lipstick 00:14:16 - Clip: Dear Jennifer 00:16:49 - Art Update 00:19:26 - "Nobody Cares" Email 00:31:01 - Clip: Bite Of Your Sexy Ass 00:34:01 - The Main Mommies Get Emotional 00:41:43 - Clip: Fancy Chocolate Bar 00:44:35 - Ian Bagg: Comedy In South Africa 00:52:16 - Green Room 01:01:31 - Clip: Angry Aussie Politician 01:03:11 - Other Canadians & Will Blunderfield 01:12:00 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:19:33 - Iraqi Influencer 01:26:05 - Private Videos In Public 01:31:53 - Black Magic 01:35:17 - TikToks 01:47:20 - Clip: Relationship Advice 01:50:28 - Clip: Not A Real Cop 01:51:03 - Rope Prep & After Care 01:55:47 - Wrap Up 01:56:57 - Closing Song - "Fart Mic" by DJ Fartmoose Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Will you guys be upset if I do it in English? Yeah. No, you do it your way. You do it in Aeana's way. Okay. I don't know any other language. They don't speak any other language? Talaigar or something.

Oh, Tugla-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G. Welcome to your mom's house. During the Volvo Fall Experience event, discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for our. autumn adventures and see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety brings peace of mind to every crisp morning commute. This September, lease a 2026 XC90 plug-in hybrid from $599 biweekly at 3.99% during the Volvo Fall Experience Event. Condition supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explore

Volvo.com. Muganda Umaga, everyone. Wow, that's pretty cool. Welcome. To the diverse world of your mom's house. Muganda Munchaka. Tukak tak-a-k-a-k-a-i. I guess that's more any. But fucking crazy. It's fucking 10.30. Oh, my God.

How did they do you remember? That was like fucking, that was some A-Rab shit. Don't you? You can't. what the fuck was that you can't do that shit don't you have to go out into the woods right now and grab lunch somewhere what the fuck and any is very tall and slender yeah if we dropped him somewhere in Namibia he could easily pass absolutely yeah yeah I'm gonna fuck shit up no problem he'd be like they he's home yeah great do you think he would whip them

into shape though like he would he would be their leader probably very quickly I don't know how receptive they would be to like oh the new guys here he's the leader i don't think so yeah i think they would be like what's with all the clothes and um yeah yeah just kind of go from there that's true but muhagalalalal diana um is uh half filipino i forget about that right half i totally forgotten that a quarter a quarter sorry a quarter well it's still something so am i by the way you're a quarter philippino yeah i always forget that yeah everybody forgets that tanner is also Filipino. Jesus, that's enough.

Can we put a fucking hiring freeze in place? You're telling me. Jesus. Three Filipinos? It's insane. I even know that we're Filipinos in Texas. We brought them. Yeah.

We brought all three. Jesus. That's a lot. Yeah. Well, anyway, we're done with that shit. You don't have to worry about any more of those. Welcome to another episode. I'm here with...

Norie. And I'm Tom, and we are... Murray, my pop. We're excited. Today's going to be a lot of fun. Oh, man. One of our all-time faves is coming in. This can be fun.

He's an old school guest, and we went to South Africa. We did. Yeah, we actually did. We saw it all there. I know. I miss him so much. The dyed orange beards. It's so cool.

Yeah. Yeah. I can't wait to see baggles. Yeah. Real quick, of course, happy Rush Ashana. I know that this is coming out, I believe, during Rush Ashana. Is that right? Right? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. And I see you wore your especially Jewish hair. Thank you. Yeah, what's going on? It's terrible, but it's okay. It is terrible. You know what? I finally tried to embrace the Jew.

Sure. And I'm doing it to celebrate Rosh Hashanah. I am a fucking Jew. Didn't you have the Jew for her as a kid? As a kid, yeah. That's sick. It wasn't. It was terrible. No, that's sick.

I'm bringing it back. Whatever you had before was much better. Don't you think, Tom? I don't, I kind of dig this. I feel like we're watching him evolve and, you know, like he's turning into like a real adult. So you've got to kind of fuck with different looks. Yeah, I love the stash. I appreciate it.

I don't know if I believe you, but thank you. No, I do. I like the stash. I know, Christina hates it. Oh, I like it. Not interested. I like it. What do you like about it?

It's just, there's a masculine energy that kind of comes off of them. That's true. Josh is a very masculine young man. Yeah, yeah. But I don't like his bangs. Curly bangs are very hard to do. We push the bangs back. Push them back.

So I know this is being recorded obviously before, since you're taking off your holy day. What will you do on Rush Ashana? I'll say happy New Year if I see a Jew, and that's about it because I don't really know what else we do on this day. You don't even know? You don't know what happens? Never in my life have we really done anything for Rush Ashana. Your family never did anything growing up? Yom Kippur is what comes like after it, I think, and you like fast and repent or whatever.

Did you guys do that? My dad would do it. Just your dad? I'd try a little bit, but it sucks. So, Rosh Hashanah, though, nothing. We would do nothing. No, is it like what's traditionally done? Like service, gifts?

Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, I'm sure. They go to, they go to temple. They eat a bunch of shitty food. Yeah. Is it really shitty? You're an exemplary Jew, man. I'm a terrible kid.

Wait, is it the motto? so like the unleavened stuff That's Passover What do you guys eat? I mean what's Like creploc soup And the good stuff that I like Locks? You guys have locks and bagels On Russians for sure I think

A lot of like dry shitty chicken Do you guys Do you other people types Do you guys do something special for like Filipino special holidays No I think they're just happy to be here Yeah.

And not in the Philippines. Wow. Philippines are great, though. Have you been? No, but I've heard wonderful things. I think it's great if you're really rich. If you're not, it's not that great. Yeah, I heard you can get a house really cheap.

Yeah. That's pretty cool. That is cool. And you can have a living servant who sleeps in your laundry room. Isn't that true? Jeez. No, I'm serious. You can have like a slave, like a living.

That's a different word, but okay, you just said live in servant. Oh, but they barely paid them anything. And then I saw this documentary We're like On the servants day off For one day off They go into like the city center And they play card games

And they talk They're all cramped up together It's terrible Okay this is wow What am I wrong Neanna have you been there? Yeah my family lives below the poverty line there So it's a one bedroom house

With 20 people And the live-in maid is my aunt That's death and mute And she sleeps in the backyard I told you Yeah you were shocking accurate. I know. You never believe me. I know these things. I have Filipino friends. Shockingly accurate. Remember my Filipino friend back and she'd tell me this stuff and she

make lumpy up for us and all that stuff. Okay, well, I'll go out and just say this. I'd like to visit the Philippines. Go ahead. Okay. Is there a four seasons there? Oh my God. Stay at the normal. I want the real experience. The real with the people. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm sure they're the nicest people. I'm sure they're the nicest people. in the world and they'll put you up because they're so sweet what about you any do you ever visit family in the philippines uh no i'm pretty sure all my philippina family is here okay yeah i don't think i have any in good move buddy good move yeah yeah this is where it's at all right i was just telling tom this morning about when i would go to hungry like right

when communism fell yeah and i ordered spaghetti in 1990 or whatever and they'd brought me pasta with ketchup on it and i was like what the fuck is this i'm like they don't have tomato there's no there's no sauce here there's like nothing in 1990 wow it's pretty shitty yeah kind of cool though kind of a guess if you don't live there one of my sisters she lived for a summer in the republic of georgia and when we got she got back we were like so what was the food like she goes we ate flowers a lot like we would just eat the petals of a flower day All right. It's better now, though.

Yeah, yeah, this was a 93 or 4. That's wild that they let her go alone to the Republic of Georgia. I'm not sure I'd want to go there now alone as a lady. Yeah, I'd check it out. I'm curious. You're curious Cosby. I'm curious Cosby. All right, ready to start the show?

Yeah, for sure. There's some good stuff for you, man. Yeah, bro. Here we go. Yeah, dog. Hello, my name is Sandra. Hi, Thandra. Give me a father.

I've only been with one man in my life, and we're divorced. Oh. I'm looking for men. Nice. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone mother to this. Your mom and the fucking stand. Welcome.

I'm divorced. I follow. With Tom Cigourney. Yeah. Welcome to your man's house. Yeah. Yeah. this is one of my

you love her favorite uses of social media me too this is really good yeah no no no Tom Tom Little

Give me a father Do you know Do you realize That this lady is my new model For my lipstick Oh wow Yes Oh that's great

She's the one And I have this new shade coming out It's going to come out later That is exclusive to Sandra and you That's right She's my first official TikTok Influencer She's wearing one of my new shades

You're going to like the way you look I guarantee it And I've got four other colors ChristinaP.com Buy your lipstick here okay they're so good but yeah Sandra's testing test piloting a few different things what do you think she got your attention she got my attention more than one way I think the lipstick is the first thing you notice then you wouldn't notice other things but the lipstick is

great so don't forget to get Christina P's you know perfect red or Berlin or Madison or atomic red something for everyone there's something for everyone well we chose this color for her what do you think what do you think of um just putting it out there like this I guess this It's the only way as a woman. And it says everything. She says everything. What do you think of the choice of doing social media call for love as opposed to just getting on a dating site where it's designed for that?

I'll tell you what. I think it's a little better to go on TikTok and just put it out there. I'm divorced. Versus getting on Hinge or one man. Because I can do a deep dive on your posts, on your socials. Oh, really see who you are. And really get in there. Whereas I guess.

on the apps, I'd have to, like, hunt for you. Yeah. Well, either way, you guys know what to do. Go, go on Instagram. I think this is from Instagram and... Give me a follow. Give me a follow. Give her a follow and see if maybe you're single. Maybe you're looking for someone. I have to say... She's only been with one guy. And that's the big selling point. Yeah, I'm not run through. I'm not a fucking trash bag. That's what I'm talking about. And I really like that for her. I do too. She's like, you know, saving herself for somebody worthy. Yes. I think she's going to find that person.

that man. Yeah. And she specifies, hey, I want a man. I've only had one D in me. I'm available. I'm recently divorced. Yeah. And give me a Fala.

Yeah. Four things I need. So you like this. Love it. Oh, okay. Well, that's why she's the official spokesperson for my lipstick. So there's one way of doing it. Another way, I've always been a big fan of when you use social media as a public forum to address one person.

That's my favorite. I think that's one of the most clever things you can. can do is just publicly address one person. When you think game day, you probably think wings, beer, maybe your lucky jersey, but you know what you should add to that list? Wayfair. Wayfair is the best kept secret for incredible and affordable game day fines. They've got styles and options. You just can't get anywhere else and it's all in one spot. I love Wayfair for everything. I've bought benches on Wayfair. I've bought chairs. You can buy anything and everything and it's all great quality and it gets shipped right to your front door. Does it get any better than that? I don't think

so. Wayfair has everything you need to get ready for the season, whether you're hosting indoors or tailgating outdoors. I'm talking folding chairs, patio heaters for the outside TV stands and coffee tables to level up your living room. And if you want to show off your team pride, they even have sports themed decor and merch. Wayfair has got something for every style, budget and space with curated collections that make shopping easy. And the best part, free, fast

delivery, even on the big stuff. Wayfair is your trusted destination for all things game day from coolers and grills to recliners and slow cookers. Shop, save, and score today at Wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair, every style, every home.

No one really plans for hair loss, right? I mean, look at me. One day you're fine. The next day, you're staring at your brush, wondering what's going on. That's where Hymns comes in. Hymns gives you access to doctor-trusted, clinically proven ingredients like finasteride and monoxidil to stop hair loss and even regrow hair in just three to six months. I love that it's all 100% online, no waiting rooms, no hoops, no awkward doctor visits.

Whether it's choose, serums, sprays, or oral medication, Hymns has options that fit your routine and your goals. There are no hidden fees, just straightforward care that helps you feel like yourself again. For simple, online access to personalize and affordable care for hair loss, ED, weight loss, and more, visit hymns.com slash ymh. That's hymns.com slash ymh for your free online visit. Hems.com slash ymh. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral monoxidil and finasteride prescription required to see website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Jennifer, I hope you get this video. Yeah, on a 200-hour lithium batteries, you're only going to get eight hours, no, I got a 5,000 BTU.

Oh, shit. I'm probably running the same kind of water. Oh. Yeah, and then my generator charge up the batteries because the solar panels ain't going to do that. That's what I've heard. Yeah, so I have it ready for the next day. Try not to use any more than you have to. Right.

Right. I mean, everything shut up right now, see. I see that. Yeah. It's cool up and off in here where I don't need it, you know, open a window or something if you can. But yeah, I got a 2,400 watt generator. And I run off the batteries. I don't run them all down.

Right. See, and what's interesting is that this is for Jennifer, but everybody gets to see it. That's why I think it's cool. Well, I think it's interesting. as somebody who just lives in the scaffolding of a building. He elected not to put in insulation. Well, he's in the attic. Yeah, it's cool.

He's living in an attic. So that's why he needs all those BTOs. You know what we got to start doing? The energy just seeps right out. We have to start doing public videos for one person. For one person. Tom, I have to start. I cannot believe. Listen, Ellis is sick and needs cough syrup.

Can you get some home? I saw what you sent. So what I'm using over at the house right now. now is there's these water glass bottles that come and it's just you don't waste as much as with the plastic here's my setup and this just this is just for Ryan it's just for Ryan I don't know but hey kudos to him for even getting on TikTok hey Kirk we're moving the flight up to one I don't know when you get in town but the airport is the same one we go out of but I'll just start see I'll see you there okay well you start doing this you know how furious people would be yeah

why are you fucking posting this I'm like so in case Kirk sees it. It's just for him. It's like back in the 90s when you'd have a dorm room and then you'd put like a post-it note on your friend's door. Like I fucking hope they see this. We changed the plan for the evening. We used to have codes for I'm fucking.

No kidding. Or I'm trying to get some in this room. So you'd put a certain color no pad on the door. That just meant don't knock. Don't try to come in. Wow. What was your color? I can't remember.

Brown chocolate. Yeah. It just meant like keep walking. Don't not. Yeah. I'm jacking my D right now. Speaking of Jacking my D right now. Yeah.

Fuck around and find out sold for $60,000 U.S. dollars. Thank you. You did it, man. You just had the wrong price point. It was the wrong price point. I made it more accessible, whatever. And now I'm selling prints of fuck around and find out. You can find that now on the YMH website.

Yep, sold, gone. Incredible. Oh, are we gone already? That's the original. But that's not the posters, right? Anyway, the poster is there. You can buy an autographed print for a measly $50. Wow, but that's the way a lot of people can get the great artwork.

Yes, and I've decided, after much going back and forth, I'm going to put Tom Segura naked with the bear, the original for sale, on YMH.com. This one I'm going to lower. The original will be on sale for $1,000. And if you're wondering why my sticker is covering the best part of the picture, the drawing, obviously. The terrifyingly accurate section. That's right.

We were flagged on the service that we're putting videos on. They said it was, you know, nudity. Which is, it was barely nudity because it was barely there. And it's called art. You know, is Michelangelo's David, lewd, lurid? No, it's art. This is such an American thing. It's an outrage.

It is American. It is American. Thank you. Is there a hint of nudity? What if somebody sees a... There was a fucking time where they wanted to put cloth over the, like the, you know, the statue of justice that's in something. Yeah, yeah, why? Because the breasts are out.

They're like, well, what the fuck? We got to cover these up. It's like a statue of a breast. Okay. Especially because everybody has these parts. It's like who's flipping out that you saw a statue of a breast? And it's not like the other statue was sucking on that statue's. No, it wasn't like there was not.

all over the tits. That would be crazy. Like, here's your justice. Yeah. No, it's so crazy. It's crazy here. I know. They are very prude about that. It's so weird. But that's why I'm fighting the good fight, Tom. So you're making this an accessible price? Yeah, $1,000, the original for sale.

Wow. At ymage.com, and then we'll see if I sell prints. I am for the people. Thank you. And spreading my art through the world. Yeah, that's really cool. And that is so funny. Why are Americans so tight about Dixon? It's so weird. boobs and there's like no new not a lot of nude beaches whereas like germans always naked they love

they're just not weird about the human body there no it they shouldn't be i know i agree yeah all right this um this email came in and we're all we've been marinating on it it's so interesting should i read it yeah okay uh it's actually addressed to you so it says christina i don't know if you ever if you'll ever see this i hope you will i'd like you to settle an argument between my husband and I my husband nobody cared a story of mine in front of a group of friends so as in I'm telling a funny story and he says nobody cares it's two days later and I'm still not talking to that motherfucker yeah I've got 15 years of service in with this bastard and I can go much longer than two days I think nobody cares and it wasn't that funny

are two of the meanest things a person can say to someone who is a natural-born comedian, in parentheses, me. As a real comedian, do you agree or am I being ridiculous? Thank you, Jen. Jen, I mean, this sparked a hot debate. It did, because here's the thing. One of the things that's being left out of this scenario is the context of what is happening.

In other words, if you're just having a good old time, hanging out with friends. Somebody, let's say you in this case, tells a story. And in that, hey, we're having fun atmosphere, I go, nobody cares. I think it's like, it's one of the most dismissive and rude things that somebody can say.

It's really rude, right? Oh boy. You're gonna register? It's back. It's back. thank you guys thank you so much for your support i appreciate everybody that worked so hard to bring back the fart mic i'm sorry were you saying something so that one you know but my question is like yeah okay but paint the full picture i agree what i'm saying is were you being a fucking bitch

all day wow are you are you kind of an asshole was the story one that ridiculed him that's what Is that why it's funny? That's what I was thinking. It feels like we don't know. Because like I said, if everything's great and anybody, whoever your spouse or girlfriend is, just goes, nobody cares. Like, that's a real asshole thing to say. Why is this guy saying that?

Is he saying it because he's just a huge dick? No, I think there's two possible scenarios. One is that the story is actually so bad and insufferable and she's told it numerous times and it never gets a laugh. But she insists on telling the story. And he's like, he's heard it for 15 years. And he's like, dude. Right.

Nobody likes this bit. Stop doing the bit, Jen. We need more information. We need more. But another one, too, is maybe it is a story where he feels degraded and diminished. That's another possibility. It's been fucking 15 years of this. Nobody cares.

Yes. Melissa, that one time I took out the trash and there was a hole in the bag and the trash fell out. Everybody does that. Right, right, right. We just don't know. But as a blanket, like, just as on that from what information she provides. Like, could you even imagine? That's what I'm saying.

It's so clearly that he's in the wrong with the presentation of this story. I want to know, are you an asshole, Jen? And is that why he's saying this. Because that is such a dismissive thing. It's terrible. It's grounds for dismissal. It's really bad. Like, if we were dating and I told a story and you go, nobody cares.

I'd be like, oh, boy, this is done. While you're with a group and everyone's like having a good time just to just to toss somebody a nobody cares. See, I think she belittled him because we think there's more to the story. We have couple friends where the woman constantly, constantly diminishes the man in front of everybody. Maybe that's the one time he stood up for himself. All this is possible. And look, to be clear, maybe you hear all of this what we're saying and you go, I understand. your questions, none of those

are true. We were just having a good old time and this guy tossed me a nobody cares. Two days. I wouldn't talk to him for two years. If you said nobody cares. Comedians don't even do that to each other when a joke bombs in the room. No. You never go. Nobody cares.

No. If a heckler did that, you would fucking punch him in a stupid face, right? Yeah. Nobody cares. Nobody cares is like a fucking Instagram comment. Like, it's really rarely said, you I mean, in front of people. Like, I guess if you were, like, super tight and you guys have a rapport of, like,

busts and balls all the time, nobody care. But, like, there's also a way in which you say that to, like, your friend, you know. I have to say, though, when a, particularly when, like, a female celebrity posts some stupid selfie or, like, something. And somebody goes, nobody cares in the comments. It makes my day every time. Because I would never do that, but I like when someone else does it. That's nice. Yeah. I have that Chadenfreude in me of like, oh my God. Thrive market isn't just convenient. It's a lifesaver. Now that school is back, I'm stocking up on all my family's must-haps from healthy snack packs to high-protein meals to non-toxic cleaning supplies, making our morning routine a bit less hectic. Their groceries are high quality and no junk. Over 1,000 sketchy ingredients restricted and all trust.

by parents so you can shop worry-free. Thrive Market has been saving me so much time. Instead of running to three different stores or trying to vet every ingredient on a million labels, Thrive lets you shop by diet, values, or even your kids ever-changing food preferences. Because honestly, their taste changes weekly, of course, always. I've easily cut out artificial dyes and processed sugar with the healthy snacks they've been sending me. our Thrive Market favorites are Annie's fruit snacks. They're just my kids go to and they don't even know that it's like healthy suckers. Organic smoothie melts, jolly llama ice cream cones and my personal favorite poppy sodas, the probiotic soda. I freaking love those. Go to thrivemarket.com

slash ymh to get 30% off your first order and a free $60 gift. Life moves fast and sometimes you just need a way to relax, recharge, or stay focused without over-complicating things. That's why I'm excited to have Vaya sponsoring this podcast. I love this dude. I take it every night right before I go to bed. It's the how I wind down. Via is the go-to brand for effect-based hemp products with real targeted benefits. From award-winning gummies with ingredients like macca for energy, L-theonine for calm, and THCV for focus, every product is designed with a purpose. Choose the strength and formula that fits your needs, wellness, focus, or calm. The best part, via legally ships across the U.S. in discrete packaging directly to your door, no medical card required. If you're 21 and

up, check out the link to Viya in our description and use the code YMH to receive 15% off. Free shipping on orders over $100. And if you're new to Viya, get a free gift of your choice. After you purchase, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you enhance your every day with via i did kind of a nobody cares at one of these emmy parties yeah this lady comes up to me and um you know she's in her evening gown and she was like she had an accent she was like do have a cigarette or a vape or something or vibe or something and i go now i have a nicotine pouch and she goes that's so gay oh and i go it's not as gay as a fucking vape like that and i pointed in her face and she was like okay

okay and I'm like so that's what I got you want one she was like no I'm like okay cool well first of all I agree with you yeah what you do is not gay at all it's very masculine it's not gay in the least yeah she's a gay lord she's a fucking gay and I got to dismiss her in a fun way too yeah yeah because um I said that and I was like so you don't want one she was like no I go where are you from she was like gays gays and I was like I don't know gay town Norway Denmark Mark? No, no. And then I was like, all right, so where? She goes, we'll guess. I go, I already guessed. And then I turned. Yeah. You know what? I'm so glad that you're rude to strange women in public. That really warms my heart. Yeah. It was fun. It was fun to go like, like, I'm not interested, really. I was just being polite, you know? Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. I like that you're mean to attractive women. That's cool. Cool. That's why I like male comics. They don't, they don't care for hot chicks because they've been beaten up by women. I'm not interesting. I was like you fucking go suck on a vape somewhere else lady yeah yeah that's my man big gay fucking homo lady that's like me when that lady was like do you have a husband I was

like well the next thing that I was going to say if when she was like keep guessing I was going to be like nobody cares nobody cares like it's not that interesting yeah you're not that interesting no gosh what was I also the endless keep guessing it's like what do you what it's not you know if you want to be like guess where I'm from like all right I'll guess Bob, Bob? No? Where are you from? Keep guessing. You just don't keep guess. Don't do that. Nobody really wants to guess. Nobody wants to guess. Nobody wants to guess. You think a woman to guess 30 countries? Like, no. And not only that. She probably gets asked that question so frequently. Where are you from? She should have a better answer by now. I know why I fucking reacted this way. Because my mother loves that game. Gess. My whole life. Whenever we're anywhere. They go, oh, where are you from? She'll go gase. And then they go. Oh, God. Russia. No. And then they're like, Germany?

She's like, not even close. And then they finally go over to Latin America. And of course, they're like, Mexico, Honduras, Guatemala, keep guessing. And I'm like, just fucking tell him where you're from. Like, he's not going to get it right. Just tell him. They're never going to get, especially Americans. They don't know where anything is.

They're not going to want to. My dad had a good answer when people be like, where are you from? He's like, China. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like dead face. Yeah. Like, that's kind of funny. I like that.

She would do that sometimes. but she didn't do that on the long guess she would do that as the immediate answer like he did so they would go where you from and then they go no I'm hungry and then they would go for real and she would go yes I speak Chinese and she would do that to them

and they were like all right it's a little too far and then I would pretend to translate that was when it was fun I go oh she says you have really pretty eyes they were like oh tell her thank you I'm husheng Tao yeah it's fun

yeah Yeah, whatever. Nobody cares, Tom. I know. I know. I know. I know. What happened to him? I'm looking for a girl. I'm looking at all right. He's probably out there. Girlfriend. I bet he's switching teams now. It's been so long. Possibly. To hold hands with. Remember, he got so excited to go to the movies. I hope he found love. That was a sweet kid. He was sweet. It was one of the more innocent clips we've ever played.

Here's another one. Oh. What'd you say? You doing some drugs? No. No? Well, I just want to buy to your sexy ass. That's all right.

You step back, boy. Oh, boy. Boy. High five. Get out of here, kid. Hey, don't make me get a sexy bite on you. Are you serious, kid? I'll eat the fuck out of your ass.

Are you serious, kid? Dead serious. So that's what you're trying to do. Pick a fight. I want to eat your ass. That's what you're trying to do. Pick a fight. I just want to eat your ass.

So you work for Walmart? No, I want to eat your ass. All right. I'll eat your ass one day. See, that was sweet too. I could watch this all day. I know. Like some young kid going up to old dudes who have never even heard such a thing.

Yeah. The real move for that old guy, he should have just grabbed him by the collar. Just be like, I'm like, try to, you know. Watch him freak out. Pull his pants down and grab that kid by the collar and mush his face and his ass. And go, prove it, dickhead. And you know that that older man, he doesn't have the freshest asshole right now. Nope.

He's been out. He's eaten. He's probably had a few drinks. His ass is pretty gamey. Yeah. So if you shove that young kid's face in your asshole right now, he's going to remember it. But that is the move if you are an older man. Is grab someone by the collar and making you eat your ass?

That's the move. It is the move when you're being disrespected in public on a fucking somebody's stupid phone. And you're like, yeah, come here, a little shit fuck. Yeah. Come here, eat my butt. Yeah. I really don't like actually, honestly, like fucking with people like this. I do.

You do? I don't like it. I like it when it's between two males because there's always the danger of a fight breaking out. I know, but here's the thing. That guy that's getting into his car, he's not bothering anybody. I know. That's why I don't think it's cool. Well, I think here's why I think it's okay.

Because older guys are generally calmer. They're usually dads. or granddad's so they're used to kids being kind of jerks like you know what I mean older persons like us you're like all right kid what you got but you want someone to come fuck with you I don't think you do actually I don't know no no I do know no no you don't see if you were doing if you were like but if some lady was like I want to eat your box Jordan Jordan Jensen's like what what I want to eat your box yeah like some older lesbian or younger lesbian comes up to me and she's like I'm going to eat your box she's not

I know. I know. I know. I know. We know that. But this is a bit. It's a bit. It's for the bit. Tell me the bit. Yeah. And it's like her. It's like her prank thing. And she's like, told her ladies and being like, I want to, can I eat your box? I mean, I might be like, all right. See, I know you too well. None of this is true. Like, you want to what? No, you would. If you were like going to your car right now, you'd go, hey, fuck off, man. Okay. Yeah. That's how you would be. Yeah. And you're like, oh, it would be fun. No, it wouldn't. But I like to watch other people suffer. I see. That's my, that's a, I do enjoy, I love Chadenfreude. Yeah, Shadenfreude. I love, I fucking love other people's misery. Yeah. You know what I really love? This is pretty dark too.

I love it when people get all the fame and all the success and all the money and they're still empty inside. Yeah. I fucking live for that. Like, what? The Instagram, where you just know that person is so fucking empty inside. By what they post, you can tell you. Yeah, you're like, this thirst trap, like this empty void inside, like, oh, it's so deep, it's so bad. You know, and the external is like, everything's great.

That makes me so fucking out. It's always big. God, I like that. The big one that I consistently see as the big tell is the people who constantly post about the joy of their relationship. Big time losers. That's a big one. and especially in like celebrity culture oh they hate each other i'm with my love my partner this or like this man and i this wonderful man and i have spun around earth the sun 30 times together

we have two children and if it's if it's a self-taken photo and the the the image is of like like you know like like like it's like this was a captured candid photo but that means you went like this and then you were like look at me and you're like oh yeah and they're like that's it just us natural love and you're like that's not how that photo came about I know I read sorry probably saw some TikTok thing that was like women in relationships who pose who do like thirst trap photos like are the unhappiest If you're married lady and you're like, oh, my God, look at me in my bikini. Something's wrong.

That's not going to last too long. It's okay. Do what you want. Speaking of... Am I the worst person because I love it when the more success someone gets the emptier I know they feel? Well, it's not necessarily that you know that they're empty. It's just you're like... So anyone who has success?

The people that I know that are doing things I know. Oh, but you're talking about a specific combination of things. Yeah. You're not saying that anybody who has success is unhappy. No. There's a specific type that I really get a joy from. I know what you're saying. Yeah. I know what you're saying. Because it's never enough. I know who. I think I even know who you're thinking.

It's never enough. I know. Yeah. That makes me have. And it fills you with joy. That's good. They're spiritual. No, it's honest. What you're saying right now is something that people are reluctant to say, but a lot of them actually feel the same way. They're pieces of shit like me. Yeah. But then I'm pretending like I'm so spiritually enlightened and I'm not because I'm enjoying someone else's existential. Yeah.

Well, we're all fucked up and nobody cares about anything but themselves. nobody cares about me or you you know who gives a fuck about you who should is your mom and your dad and that doesn't count because they don't so they either did mine yeah they don't yeah that's why I'm so fucked up I mean I think my dad did your dad loved you your dad really gave a shit I know you know he liked you very much

I fucking cried watching I can't believe I cried watching a Steve Harvey clip it was in my stories the family feud it wasn't from family feud it was him talking about when his dad died And I watched it and I cried. It was really good. Can you tell me what he said? I mean, we should probably just play the clip. Yeah, can't we?

Now I'm going to cry. Yeah, it's tearworthy. Can you find it? If you go to my stories and through some of the nonsense. Is this a setup and he's like, no, no, no, no, no. It's not. It was really good. I wish I had a dad that loved me.

But it did make me cry. There were even a mom that loved me. Quote that I learned that helped me with my father's death. And I couldn't understand why I was. beat me up so bad. When a man's father dies, he realizes that the one man who

truly wanted him to be better than him is gone. Your father is the only man that has ever wanted you to be better than him. There ain't another man living wants you to be better than him. Bro. I've never heard that. I love you, man, but I

don't want you to be better than you. That's real. Your father wants you to be better than and when he dies you realize the part that fuck me so bad was I don't feel like crying today

the only thing how about that listen man I didn't have nobody I didn't have nobody when my daddy I didn't have nobody

to say they was proud of me no fuck me up yeah yeah because you know my dad used to call me and said man so proud and when he died man nobody said that to me no more nobody said that to me nobody And it's kind of crazy, man. Until I married Marjorie, nobody said they was proud of me. So loser, that's what the fuck part for me was with him. He came to all my shows lie. I had to fly him out.

My mother never saw me because she didn't want to hear me cussing. So my mother never saw him. My dad, even if the show was sold out, I'd make him take a foldaway chair and pop it up for him and my brother. my dad would sit down there and he was sitting next to his lady one time she said oh well you must be special sir they didn't put a fold away chair in there

he said yeah you know that boy that fitting to come out here Steve Harvey that's my son all these niggas in here them paid to see this boy right and my mother father would sit there man and I send him money all the time my mother said your daddy

go down there with that check in his pocket with his gun and everybody was trying to say mr harvey where is you getting all this money from you seen the tv show the steve harvey show they say yeah that's my boy right there and that that all that gave me the juice i need when he left man that fuck me yeah that broke me yeah yeah and then i you know what the funny thing is i i reposted it so i was just like oh you know I don't think too much about it. I just reposted it. I got hit up by so many people

about how it affects people who have lost their dads. Like so many people replied to it. That's got to be, yeah, that's got to be crazy to have someone that actually really, I mean, he really did love and support you. Yeah. Throughout, like we were the brokest, leanest years and the best and, you know, that's got to be hard

to have someone who actually like really, rooted for you yeah and he was the only person that I would basically call about anything I'd be like this is happening it was always like yeah then it just goes away he's right until he just goes away well I'm proud of you I know you are it doesn't count it's not the same yeah but it's still nice yeah are you proud of this guy sure fancy yeah oh it's fancy and nice though that actually The crazy thing is, you know, this was interesting. Yeah. He took this down.

What? I don't know. I don't know if it wasn't up to his standards of, like, videography or the, maybe the food wasn't exactly as, we couldn't figure it out. But he actually took this one down. Huh. you just want someone to call you and say I'm proud of you what happened there I don't know but it was crazy that he put that on Instagram

isn't it what's going on? And it wasn't a frame it was a nice long deliberate here's something else that I have was that also on his menu is what I'm wondering I believe if the price is right kind of everything's available is that why it costs 5,000 dollars and up does that is that included his scale and how it slides is fascinating well can i say something as an artist yeah that's what we do it's right it's right because you just sell artwork some days he's

just like hundred grand some days he's like it's a hundred bucks next day it says four million yeah next day five it's all over the place but i guess it's just kind of how you feel it is how you feel what do you think possessed that and he's not one to make edits that's really crazy that he didn't edit in his video. It usually doesn't do that. You want to tell the audience that can't see this, what we saw? Oh, um... So we saw cakes and we saw strawberries and table set, and then what happened next?

Well, it was like a big chocolate bar. It was a chocolate bar. It was a king-sized Snickers. Yeah? It was his Snickers in the thing. His Snickers bar was there. He put his three-quarters full penis. A wrecked.

Pretty close. And he didn't touch it, but he waggled it. He waggled it from the bottom, so you couldn't see his hands. But it said, hello. And it went down, and it came out of a minute. Yeah, that's the thing, is it wasn't like, hey, what did it? You get to go. Oh.

It wasn't spliced in there. Maybe he was just super horny when he made this. I think so. Yeah, he just put it out there. Mm-hmm. Wow, that was crazy. Pretty crazy. You should do that for your next promo for your upcoming gigs.

Oh, I'm doing that. I'm doing that. Yeah. But you have to put his in there or not yet. I would like people to know what I got. They do. If they can buy my photo. Yeah, that's right. I don't have to show anybody anymore.

That's pretty cool. They know exactly what you're working. Look, that physique. God damn, Tom. They're working hard. All right, let's take a quick break. Sure. And we'll be back with one of our all-time faves.

All right. And we are back. And our guests, who we're so happy to have here, is currently on his e-institutionalized tour. You can get tickets at e-embag.com. You can see his podcast. Husky Boys, which he hosts with Robert O'Burst. Give it up for Ian Bags. Yeah, Baggles.

It's so good to see you guys. I know. We love you. It's been too long and you guys have been too busy and I've just watched you from the sidelines. It's been long overdue. It's open for a trip. Yes.

And then when you guys get hurt, I get happy. Great. Great. You know, when you guys got, you have gotten hurt a couple times, I get uncomfortable reaching out because I do. care about you. I know the feeling. I know the feeling you're talking.

I'm like, holy fuck, guys. Yeah. Are you okay? And instead, you're just like, uh-huh, I guess, that's what you do. You shouldn't have done that, huh? Stupid.

Yeah. Well, he's Canadian folks. You know how they are. Now, we've, dude, we've known you 20 years, man. We've known each other five hours. Yeah. It's really crazy.

We did five hours. So what we... Yes, 20 years. 20 years, and we went to South Africa with you for a comedy festival, and that was a million years ago. That was 2012? That was, yes. Yeah, right after apartheid we went.

Yes. I was still very fresh. It was still very fresh. There were fountains. Remember down to the beach? There was that fountain. Do you guys remember that? And the apartheid museum.

Oh, the museum was a bummer. And then we all were bummed out, and then everyone was like, look how sad they are. Isn't that hilarious? I remember. Yeah. Yeah, David Cow. Yeah, David Cow.

Oh, yeah. He was like, we took the whites to the apartheid museum today. Left them there. Yeah. He was, he was, uh, South Africa's number two comedian. Yeah. And he was, he's such a nice guy, but that got to him.

It got, he was, he was just like, oh, right. Being number two? Yeah, he was just like. Oh. Who's number one was the export? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he's just like, that guy's taking everything. Yeah, but Dave had blacks only. Blecks only. With one white on it.

Yeah. Who's the white? He'd switch whites up all the time. Oh, I would love to be the one white. Well, because I remember he gave us t-shirts for blacks only. Yes. And then we had it. I rocked them.

And then people were like, what's going on? It's a gym in South Africa. Blacks only. You are black? Black. And what else when we say we're down there? Pleasure. Pleasure.

Pleja was creepy. Pleasure was so creepy. It was their way of saying, you're welcome or don't worry about it. So you go, thanks for bringing that. Pleasure. Smiling with their dead eyes. Yeah. Pleja.

Pleja. Pleja. Remember that hotel? How weird it was. The Joeberg one? The Joeberg one. That was a good hotel, though. It was like a casino.

Yeah, it was like a villa. Yeah. And they were like, don't go outside. Yeah. You'll definitely get robbed or die. Yeah. You're like, all right. I went another time with Bobby Lee

He got robbed And he got robbed No Yeah And I was in a store And he comes running in Yeah and I just got robbed And I go was a guy black

And he goes It's fucking South Africa Of course he was black How do you get Was he like tackled or something No I think he just got pushed around I don't know You never know with Bobby

How the story starts Was he out in the mall He was out looking for cigarettes There you go Where they told you not to go Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Don't go there

He goes, I'll go there. Yeah. And remember Zane? Remember Zane? Yeah. And he was all like, I tell you. Remember he'd yell this. I tell you not to go!

He was Indian, South African. Yes. Khaled. Yeah. So when my... On the other trip, my wife came over, and it was in Cape Town, right. We went to Johannesburg, and what was the other place? Durban.

Durban. Yeah. Where a million blacks go to the beach. Ocean, yeah. On New Year's Day. That's right. They touch it and come back. And you referenced that during a show and it fucking, because you were like, he's like,

I know you want them to keep going in the ocean, never come back. They do. Oh, that was hilarious. It was so much fun. Their racial system there, or what they came out of. So people don't know. It's not just white and black, right? All the shades matter.

Yeah. White, black and colored. Colored. It was a mix of red. There's a huge Indian population in South Africa. Huge. They're considered colored. And what he would take pride, and he was like, he's like, yeah, you know, the whites you can tell whatever, you know, you can say whatever you can say whatever you want to us.

He's like, but we can say whatever we went to the blacks. Watch this. He's like, I'm right in the middle. He was so funny that day. Oh, my God. Yeah. And then at the end of the tour, you're like, oh, he's got a bunch of guns under that thing. He's trying to protect us.

I had no idea. I didn't know idea. Yeah. But he would also yell stuff out the window. Yeah, while driving. While driving. And he was too big for the car. Remember?

South Africa. Yeah. And you know why it was so special? That's the old joke. That's the old joke. We waste time to pull his jeans up. And you need to pull your jeans up? Pull your jeans up.

That was the joke. Is that where jeans came from? Yeah. Well, it was a starting. We were making fun of jeans. But we were just like, hey, why don't you get bigger jeans? And we would all ride him. And then the second that he's like, it's an old joke.

Keep making the old joke. Come on, guys. And then his partner, do you remember his partner? No. His partner was serious. He would only show up in like a Mercedes, check things. Oh, with security. Yeah.

I didn't realize how dangerous it was. And also, it was the first trip that was fancy for us as comics. I was like, oh, my God, like this hotel's really nice. And, like, the food was good, remember? Yeah. Also, we got clowned by other people because we enjoyed the first beach. Was it the Derby? Durbin.

I love Durbin. Well, we were at the beach, it was beautiful, and people were like, in Durbin? We were like, I mean, it was the ocean, dude. It was gorgeous. We were down there. We were like, you don't want to go there. We were there.

We loved it. Yeah. And they're like, no. No. Don't go there. Disgust. Yeah. Totally.

Trash. Look how beautiful, Durban. Yeah. I thought it was great. Pleasure. Pleasure. And then monkeys would steal sugar from your table and stuff. It's really fun.

Mm. Good times. And then the other comics were interesting. Interesting. Interesting. Was there like six of us or five of us? No, there was six of us, right? Okay, it's Finesse Mitchell.

Finesse was there. Mitch Fatal. Miao, Miao, and Miao. David Cow. Was there another girl? Was there an English girl? Orlando Jones. Orlando came later.

And Brian Hainer. Brian Hainer. Hainer, right? Because Orlando wasn't rolling with us. show, though. He came in Joe Berg. Johannesburg, yes. Joe Berg. That's what I call it. Joe Berg. Finesse, Mitch, Brian, me,

Ian. Wow. And David. David was literally like, you're doing like a show here and then you're like, and to bring his home, Chris Rock, everybody. Yeah. It was like, it was crazy. Yeah, it was crazy. Yeah, it was crazy. And I did the other one with Trevor Noah. So I seen both of those, like there was a billboard of him selling range rovers in front of the hotel.

Yeah. So that would inform me. like a comic selling range rovers what that's all going on in this country yeah but i do what i've always loved about stand up and the dudes do really well is hierarchy you guys know what the pecking order is and as a woman you just go oh okay this is my place that's your place great thank you and you just all roll there's no usually no ego about that pecking order we we pretty much had fun yeah it was a lot of fun dude oh yeah yeah i i i i started finesse, you know, I still consider, I see him all the time, right? Yeah, we run into him.

Kind of like, you know, that's my buddy. We went to, we went to South Africa together, right? Yeah, yeah, so. For sure. And, uh, and Hainer, I haven't seen since. Well, I email with him every few years and he and the wife moved. He's in upstate New York. Oh. Upstate New York? I believe so. I think occasionally. Comedy? But no. Yeah, no. I'm not sure. I think he did, he's not touring anymore. I know that. He and the wife are like having a nice calm life.

retired well son made a lot of yes his son was some 21 avenged fold seven seven yeah six million nine folds a lot of fides that's a cool yeah it's a cool so cool and i i think brian may have played some music on a couple of those nice so he would have got some he was super talented but also so nice such a good remember we'd sit around and he play the piano afterwards we sit in the hotel yeah and people would say oh you've got to go to bed now Pleasure. Take yourselves upstairs. This is before we had kids, Gene.

Yeah. Three years before we have our first kid. When life is free. You guys. Do you remember when you guys ran that room in Culver City? Bert took me there one time. When I ran it with my friend, Eric? I thought it was you two.

No, he never did. Probably Eric Lundy and me. Yes, I think you closed out a few of those. I did, yeah. But not in Culver, right? No. Wasn't it in Culver? No.

It was in Hollywood somewhere and I had you headline. And you'd roll in kind of grumpy. That's me. And I'd be like, I don't know what's up with Ian Bag? I didn't know you at the time. Autism. Yeah, I was like, is this guy going to be angry? Like, is he going?

And then immediately you got on stage. You're like, everybody, how's it going? You just were full Ian Bag. It was amazing. I'll explain it. Yeah, please. I just kind of shut down so I can have it for there. Yeah, I see that.

Right? Yes. So I'm not, we have another friend that can be on the whole time. Yeah. But I can't, it's, it's in concentrate. It's me in concentrate on stage. Yeah. So I have to have that time.

Yeah, you're grumpy. Yeah, no. But when you show, when you showed up at places, yeah, a lot of times you showed up, like, I've done a bunch of shows with you where you're like kind of, you know, inside to yourself. Yes. And then boom, you come on stage. Just kind of quiet, taking it all in. Sometimes I'll go sit. by myself. Like I never go into the green room in most of these comedy clubs. I'm just sitting

with the staff because the staff is busy so they're not really bugging me. I'm a lot like you. Yeah. So I kind of hate a busy green room. Really? Afterwards it's fine. After I love. That's totally true. Afterwards, yeah, let it rip. But I don't like a pre-show happening. One time I got I got booked for this gig, it was in Houston. And I remember that it was right. It was right. when I was like starting to sell tickets. I was on my like second tour and I don't know how this happened but the promoter was like instead of like just going with the agent a lot he was contacting me directly and I was like okay you know right blah blah well we're coming to pick you up and they pick me up they take me to the venue and when I walk in we go you know to the right here you walk in

and there was like this was straight there was like 12 13 people and I go hey man you had to do a meet and greet before. Well, I was like, who are all these people? And he goes, oh, they're like friends of mine and stuff. And I was like, why are they in here? Yeah. And he was like, do you not want them here? I go, of course not. Like, this is supposed to be like my room to chill in, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. I mean, I can get. And I was like, this is nuts. So he was turning it into like, come hang in this room. I was like, he's making it another venue. Yeah. I was like, no, bro. Charged his friends to come hang. We cannot do this. No, no, no. Yeah.

And even on mine now, like, I'm like real low-key. I don't like it to be busy. My buddy played in the NHL and he's a goalie and he wanders into the dressing room one day and the owner of the teams got all his buddies down in the dressing room and they're in his equipment. No. Yeah. And he's just like, I kind of skidded in the ditch for quite a while after that. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, people just don't get it. They're like, yeah, yeah, I get that we're toys. Yeah. Right? We're toys, but we still need to stay in the box for a little bit until you play with us. Yeah, right? So, and I'm not trying to be a dick.

I'm really not trying to be a dick. No, and it's before, to be fair, it's before I had ever really spoken with you. I just, I'd only seen you on stage and your friend Eric and I were like, we have to get Ian back. Like, we were total fan girls. And so you showed up and we were like, oh, my God. I will, by the way, I will stand by this in the conversations, if you're talking, like, in the last, however many, 20 years, if you go, who do you not want to follow, you would be always in my top three, like, you don't want any part of that. Oh, I fucking, I don't know if we still love to swear on this podcast. No.

Or as liquid death brought you guys to say, Frigg. No. All the friggin stuff. Yeah. You know how I know? How? Because I said, hey, Tom. I'm struggling a bit.

Can I open for you? And you're like, nope. No. And I'm like, Tom doesn't like follow me. What a douche. I would never want to follow you. But you guys... You're incredibly funny.

You guys are very sweet. But at the same time, you're famous. They are never going to turn on you. No, they're not going to turn. I'm not talking about like in that... I'm just talking about when you're talking about somebody's comedy, chops. Like, just forget like the turning or family. Tell more.

I just mean that like, you, there's some people who... Of course. Just have a capacity to kill. And that's you. I love it. You crush. Take that in, people. Yes. I have fun. Yeah, I'm sure.

It's weird how much fun I have there compared to a lot of life. Yeah. That makes sense though. Right? Because you have so much fun up there and it's fun to watch you. Because you have zero, like you, not like

you, I don't fucking care, but it's more of like you're so playful and you're so not, like, a serious guy up there who has to be the smartest guy in the room? Yeah, you also have, yeah, no, that's not my show. But you also have like a, you have this stream of consciousness thing where you're either

when you're up there and you're like going, you're riffing and you're using the room and you're using the information, it'll be like funny, funny, funny and then if you do something and it doesn't work your way of dealing with it is funnier than if it had worked so like it becomes funny like you you really are a savant up there we had uh on on the podcast the other day we had chris candy who is john candy son yes okay so and he talked about uh how um when he was acting or in a sketch he wasn't afraid to

look like a dork Right? But in real life, he was terrified of looking like a dork. Oh, wow. John? Yeah. Right? I kind of have that.

Yeah. Like, it's free there. But in real life, you're just like, oh, oh, oh, do I have nose hair? What's going on? You know, I mean? Like, yeah, where it's like, I hope I have nose hair when I'm on stage, right? Anything. Shaved.

I was in Chicago not long ago. And my wife always says, you know, if you do anything, you know, if you do any beautifying, get it Unprofessionally. Not me. I shaved off half an eyebrow. I did that two weeks ago. Okay? Yeah.

So I went on stage, like, but mine are massive, so it's very noticeable. It's like, I shaved off my eyebrow while I was on, you know. And the rest of the time I was in Chicago, it's terrified people were looking at it. Yeah. And while I was on stage, I was terrified they weren't looking at it. Right. Right? Right.

Yeah. Was Chris, were you guys promoting the new doc? Yeah. Is it out or is it coming? It's coming out in October. I got to. You want him? You want them?

I'll give you a memory. Well, yeah, he and I have exchanged messages before, but I would love, like, to be connected, connected. Yeah. He's, uh, his, it's, it's such an interesting, you know, like, they did it because everybody else was starting to do it, so they wanted to be ahead of everybody else doing it because they've been saying no for so many years, right?

Really? Yeah. No to one about him? Yeah, no. That's crazy. Right. Now, now people are just doing their own documentaries on them. I'm like, I guess we should do one so we can talk about her dad.

Yeah. That's amazing. I would love to. I would love that. We'll do that. You're not from here, so maybe you'll relate to this. Wow.

You've gone in Texas. Well, if you've got Lebanese heritage yourself? Oh, mate, don't say that because that irritates me and I punch bloats in the mouth for saying that. Don't you dare say that. My family have been in this country for 140 years, right? So you, and if you say anything like that, I have, on many occasions, punch blokes in the mouth, right?

So I'm straining myself to die. Don't say it. I'm not listening to you. You're out. His family's been in the country for 140 years. He's been there for 112. I love when we'll guys want to fight. It's so good.

It's so great. And the accent on Australians. Yeah. Nah, nah. Nah. Oh, here it comes. Die. Die.

Don't say it. Worst cameraman ever. A racist? You can't say what you just said, without being identified as a racist. Some gentlemen, ladies, this man is a racist. The racist. Why is he yelling at a flight attendant? Right.

Stupid Leonard. I like the way he wants to fight the guy from 1940. Get him up. I'm a racist. Why you got a dose, hey? And then I'm going to go right back to the boat. He said he's a Lebanese? Lebo, yeah.

That's not right. I got Australia. Labo. Labo? Labo. La bow. Yeah. Yeah. He's right. 140 years. You're, you're Australian at that point, my man. You're part of the country at some point. You're from BC. Yeah, British Columbia. Yeah, I mean, I was using shorthand. I thought you meant before Christ.

Well, you're from, you're very old. I'm like, how old am I? You are also very old. But you look good for somebody that's a couple thousand years old. That's true. I wake up weird. I'm wondering, do you feel connected still to, like, people? like other notable people from B.C. or no? Do I feel connected? You know what I mean?

Like, do you have a kinship with like when someone, like, if there's a notal celebrity that's from BC? Oh, yeah. The only one is that, uh, that guy, uh, no, Ryan, no. He's Van City, right? He's Van City. I'm from the middle of nowhere. Uh, there's a guy, Taylor Lochner or something like that.

Oh, yeah. He's from Kelowna. The Twilight, Taylor Lautner? No, no, no, not. That's the right guy. Tom Green's a Canadian. but he's from he's from he's from the others coast okay but there's a guy there's a guy that was in like a football movie or something is it will blunderfeld nope who's will blunt oh this is

will blunderfield here oh i should have wore glasses okay hold on let me get him for you in this episode of what does the wild make a drink i'm gonna fill this beautiful mason jar with my beautiful oren which is medicinal oren especially after some amazing i never come Cut that. Oran. Orin. It's got quite the faucet on them. It's a form of biofeedback. And it's a form of self-love.

When I drink my own piss, I get this enhanced benefit of self-approval and self-acceptance. Right on. And really, that's all. Guy didn't get to finger-bang in high school. And now, here he is. So no wonder the yogis have been doing it for over 5,000 years. It's a lot of piss.

Now, everything that's bad for us. Push pause. So, B.C. Zone, go ahead. My brother. He was filled, he had already peed in that and then was putting water in it. That's what that flosset was. It wasn't his dick making that noise. Don't you dare, you're calling Will Blunderfeld?

A fraud? Yes, I'm calling, I'm calling, he had a little bit of pee and a lot of water in there. Really? Yeah, watch it again. Listen to it. There's just no way, I don't know anybody that can get that kind of stream into a little jar. and not be wearing it. Wow, you're accusing him a fraud.

I am right now right here on the people's court. Now, he said you get so many benefits from doing this. I'm wondering. I'm drinking your oren. Breath. Your breath smells great. Your breath sounds like, it smells like a backyard. Like injecting heavy metals and aborted fetal cells right into your body

is made to seem good. And everything that's good for us, like drinking your piss, is made to seem bad. We live in an inverted clown world. So try it for yourself and be your own. I mean, that's just, like, one of the things. He also, he teaches, like, seminars. And drinking your pee? No.

Sometimes it's about pee drinking, you know? Like, sometimes he does. What's up, yogi? So, me and Brian Creer just taught a really juicy anus workshop today. And got a little bit into the prostate, too. See, here he goes again. And that caused some pre-cum to be secreted from my manhood. So a little bit of sperm teepto, a little bit of testosterone, a little bit of spermodine, which is good for muscle growth, a little bit of nerve growth factor, which is really good for your brain and your, you're,

nervous system what else came out a little bit of vitamins minerals oxytocin and bonding hormone which lowers cortisol and waste only am i getting the benefit of the urine therapy which is powerful on the shivambu i should call it but i'm also getting the benefit how good his skin looks it's it's orange tiny bit of semen that's been mixed in with my urine oh fuck i just got the chills oh and into the beard that's very very yeah a little piss kind of yeah it's like drinking stamps I just, now I'm going on Ian's theory that he's faking this because look how still his face is

when he's peeing and just casually talking to you. Are you able to casually talk into a camera and piss at the same time? No. And it's just, that noise, there wasn't even a, you know, like, anything like that, it was just like instantly turned off. I'm just like, what do you got the breast

prostate in the world? You know, come on. I bet his prostate's pretty healthy. I bet you it's bad. He works at, he does these other workshops. Well, hello, guys. So in my in my live workshops, we do a beautiful cock exercise. And this is actually inspired by a guy named Darius Rha. Oh, man.

Basically, he does these workshops called penis wellness. You know? Oh, my fucking God. I love Will so much. Cock on cock, on cock, crime. I love it. It's beautiful. Ann, what's wrong with you?

This is what we do in Texas. This one's a little hard for me to watch. Why? It's just a little personal. Now his mom comes in, well! I didn't realize the plane going by, too. I wish she would have timed that. Oh, man.

What if he's just got the camera upside down and he's doing that from standing position? And he's the most amazing man ever just hitting his face with a big wad of jizz. I'm fearless and doubtless. I love having a little mantra, you know. I'm fearless, I'm doubtless. I'm going to start saying that after when I jack off. Not when I'm having sex. Can imagine saying that after you have sex?

I'm fearless. I'm doubtless. My wife would slap me the face. Enjoying the taste of it. Really? I'm shameless. I'm fearless. I'm doubtless.

Yeah, it's cool. It's a good tattoo. I'm shameless and fearless. All right, that was a lot. We need to fart afterwards. Let's, uh. Also, can I just. say we've watched a lot of cool guys over the years 20 years now of cool guys I'm never

creeped out by will bunderfeld I believe this is really spiritual well he's been right here he's sat in studio he's sat in he's sat naked in that very no way yeah I feel like my process and prosody's doing better since sitting in the chair that he sat in and I went and did cock exercises with him do you didn't you didn't hug him did you I did hug him naked yeah you're an impressive fellow you were just was I that was that was that was that was that was that was an I've ever seen. I didn't feel, but I did reluctantly get pretty hard, and I was kind of pissed about it. Reluctantly.

Yeah, yeah. No. No. No. Okay. We were trying to look bigger? I was trying to, yeah. If I don't go in hard, I'm going to look like I got a little penis. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I was trying to fluff, and then it just stood up, you know? Yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, well, here you go.

It's all the weirdos that have massive cocks do. I know. Oh, wow. I didn't make that correlation. Well, I'm going to put it out there. Put it out there. Have you ever had like, you're looking at, you're looking at red tube, right, or whatever, right? Weirdo, yeah. Yeah. And there'll be a, there'll be a, you know, I don't know, I don't know, they keep changing trans, they keep changing their name.

So I just can't keep up. I'm always saying the wrong thing and offending me. But they're hung like fucking mules. Yeah. And I'm just like, well, why, why? Yeah. Why would God put that on them if they didn't want to be that way? The people that want to switch?

Yeah. They're like, what did you got this piece of equipment? That's crazy. I can give you mine and look more like a Cotaurus. I love that we just left that on there. I know. Yeah, I'll give you something to. So how did you guys get him to come in?

We were playing his stuff, like the clips we were showing you. And then we just had... Did he have to get a work visa? I don't even know. That's so interesting. I don't know, but he came down. He was a great interview. He was a lot of...

He was a sweet guy. Like a lot of... Any knowledge? Like any knowledge? Lots of knowledge. Lots of stuff. Like what? Well, do you know that the samurai used to suck each other's nipples before battle?

Well, they're probably on some sort of drug. That's what you're like, you get all fired up and suck each other's nipples and go to war. Did you know that it's gay to not eat your friend's ass? I did not. That's stuff we learned. Do you research? Shit. I am so gay.

he's right, all these ancient warrior cultures have you even cupped your friend's balls? Yeah, like the Celtic warriors would do that, they would just hold each other's nuts. Well, trying to get over a fence. Probably. I'll help you out. Making sure nobody gets a little bit of barbed wire and her. Yeah. That's not gay. That's helpful.

That's helpful, yeah. Totally helpful. He told you all this? Yeah. And where did he learn at all? Some other guy. Yeah, some other dude in the forest as he was sucking his nipples. cool guy in Wyoming. Here's a good pallet. I'm sure he's a sweet guy.

He's a sweet guy. He is, he is. Old Jiz face. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. That's your trip to Saudi, Tom. Oh, my God. This is what they're going to do here.

Oh, my God. Shut up. I like when they're like, stop fucking crying. Okay, okay, okay. I'm going to help you here with this next one, okay? You good? Yeah? What prison is this from?

Can you imagine paying for this? You're like, my neck's kind of... Oh! There's no world in which that is beneficial. Kidneys. He's got his punching glove. His punching glove is on his writing. He's like, I'll wrap it up.

I'm not being. being racist in any way, but if I was a white guy and I walked in a room to get something like that done and that guy was wearing that hat, I'd go, no. I know what our people have done to you. So I'm going to turn around and go out and probably just find somebody else for my massage.

Who looks more like me. Yeah. You got to be smart at times, right? wearing that hat. What's with the hat, buddy? Hey, buddy. See, you got no brim. You got half a hat on. Can't trust you. You're definitely not trying to keep the sun out of your face.

You go down the street and buy your hat. Real hat? Then you can punch me in the neck. Oh, my God. Such a good thing. And how hard do you think he's trying not to get him to roll over and just punch him in the throat? Oh, he wants too. This guy's in so much pain.

And that, how about the guy in the blue? It's just his face is just like, you, I've been waiting for this. Waiting. Intrable. Yeah. Enjoy. our land. There's no therapy where I've ever made that sound.

Not even in the chiropractor. Just crying afterwards. Oh, just, you go right there to hospital, right after that, just straight to hospital. Well, my neck was sore, but now it's broken. Yeah. That is kind of what it feels like. He's like, your neck's bothering you? Have you ever had it?

Let me finish it off. Fucking completely crushed. Here's what I got to do, son. We've got to get your neck off your head. And then it won't hurt at all. You're going to be fine. You're not going to feel a thing after that. Holy shit.

That's true. He might just be severing all the nerves. Yeah. So you're not feeling a fuck. It doesn't look like he's severing him well, though, because the guy's in a lot of pain. He's in a lot of pain. I'm feeling it all. I like when they do old women, these chiropractors.

Yeah. And they fuck up old ladies and they're like, oh, yeah, just kill them. Yeah. He's like, I fixed her. She was living, she was living too much life. These next ones are with, or with. in a game. You guys have never let me down with your video.

Oh, we're good. This is our game. I show you a clip. Okay. You tell me, is it genuinely horrible, like, not funny? Or is it hilarious? Okay. Do you have an L-L-Seed?

Oh, not the tooth. Fuck. The tooth came out? Oh, fuck, I hate that. Yeah, he lost his two. Funny. funny funny it's funny funny and by the way they should just put the advertisement right right yeah true story this is this is a fun marketing yeah i have to tell you a lot of times

they're really sad this was a good one it's funny yeah plus i if you've lost the tooth right it's the worst feeling oh yeah when you're like fuck now i have to get this dealt with yeah it's you lose a hockey tooth i've never i've just got chips but i uh oh you do a pod with robert yeah is he a big hockey guy he likes hockey but he's not a big hockey guy robert robert's uh the american monster I know. I know. He's football. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you guys became friends. Yeah, I seen him on I seen him on righteous gemstones

and I was just like, who is this guy? Like I didn't know about it before. I'm just like, he was funny and he was weirdly talented and he was nothing like what he looked like. Yeah. And I just sent him a message and I said, I think you're hilarious and I think you're so talent. He said, are you trying to fuck me?

I'm like, yeah. I'm like, kind of. Yeah, strong and pretty. Want to come over and rub cocks on each other? He live here in Texas? His wife is from here. He lives in Boise, Idaho. Oh, he lives in Boise. Yeah. That's a White Haven.

Yeah. That's good. He looks like he fits in there. Sure. Perfectly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I like him.

I'm a big fan. All right, here's another one. Oh, my gosh. Oh, shit. Taking a selfie. Oh. Oh, he made it. Oh, he made it.

That looks like a lot of blood, bro. That's a lot of blood from your head, too. Yeah, he's going to have to go to that chiropractor. Yep. But that's funny, right? That was very, well, for a second, you're like, he's definitely dead. Still funny. It's still kind of funny.

Can I see it again? Because he was such a douche. Like, how far back did he fall then? Oh, my God. And so there must be, because it looks like he's falling a hundred feet, right? Yeah. So he must have. Oh, my God.

It's so weird that a rocking chair was in the middle of nowhere. Do you think these two? This is like the day they got a camera phone. Like, they just, you can make video. This is an Afghanistan somewhere. You can hold this. Yeah, they just got it off an American soldier after a battle. Some Pashtun.

Pachtoon. I think, yeah. I think he's, I think he's got that massive stick, too. Like, that's the biggest stick I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. There's no way they have a bunch of those. Yeah. No.

Yeah, I'm sure he's in trouble now. This is the town stick. Yeah. The town street. Ravi. What did you do with the stick? Where is the stick? I know, and it's like a wooden stick.

We just practice our dance routine we want to put up. And now you lose stick. He's doing an advertising for a mountain climbing. Hey, everybody. You know, there's this thing every year. There's these, like, touristy type. places all over the world that are high-rise, you know, like cliffs and things of this nature, where, like, every year they're like, you don't go over there to take, like, selfies and everyone's

like, like, like, the Grand Canyon you mean? And they just fucking fall over. Yeah, I can, I can believe it. I, yeah. And I, do you, do you, do you care? Like, well, like, no, like, there's always somebody that goes just out. They're like, no, not for me. I'm very, why? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I have a feeling. I have a feeling there's no signs. Yeah, I was going to say, here, here, no. No, no, not at all. No one's telling you not to sit in a rocking chair on the edge of their cliff. Wouldn't it be great if they're just, you turn this way and it's their house?

Yeah. They like live up there. Yeah. With goats and shit. And his mom's face is just in shock because they lost his, her favorite stick? Her rocking chair. There's a lot, dude, this could be like, he might have a lot of blood coming out of him, you know? He could have more brain damage than the first guy.

Do you think this is on, like, Afghanistan's funniest home videos? Like, do they have that show yet? And if not, wouldn't this be great? This would be one of the first ones. Yeah. That would be fantastic. Do you guys watch that guy that's in Iraq that calls everybody transgender? Do you guys watch?

And he just walks around Iraq. And it says the funniest thing. Is an Iraqi guy? Yeah, he's an Iraqi guy. Oh, please find that. Yeah, I follow him on Instagram. He's hilarious, but he calls everybody Wacky, Transgender, Bender, Fender, you know, kind of thing. Just right up to people?

Like, no, just like on, to the, into the camera. Hey, wacky, transgender benders listen up. Here's what. I found a dog today, and this is what I taught him. Yeah. He's got like a million followers. Oh, really? Yeah, it's crazy.

Oh, man. Yeah, because their culture hasn't done all this nonsense. No, they haven't gone. This is the beginning of this nonsense is what I'm saying. Like, we can make it killing you guys. Yeah, they're not. to figure out what's going on. There's still a lot of places in the world where if you were going to, like, Iraq probably

where if you're like, oh, pronouns, they would be like, huh, what? Yeah. They wouldn't even know what you're talking about. Yeah, they don't. At least not like the, like most of the population. It also, it also isn't really that important to them when they look in their backyard and their whole, everything's gone. Yeah.

Right. Well, what am I going to call you? Yeah. but at the same time do what you want to do places like that too of course but places like that also like you know modesty you realize is a luxury of like I'm going to cover up yeah whatever I shit in the street man like yeah I'm not really thinking about probably haven't been to my neighborhood shit in the street public defecation have you ever made eye contact with somebody pooping um not even him he won't let me yeah you've been trying for somebody you So many years. Just trying, running in and sneaking. Yeah. He won't even talk to me through the door.

No. Why, have you made eye contact? Like with animals pooping. No, with a person. When I moved to New York, I was just walking down the street, la la la, la. And this guy was shitting into a tree, and we fucking locked eyes while he was pooping.

I just like, my world was different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he say anything? No, he just got on. He was pooping. Yeah. And regular? So regular.

So regular. You think those people would be bunged. up and they're not. No, he didn't push at all. You know, you do remember when you see people shitting in public. Or Jacking off, yeah. That's him. Fantastic. Do you know this guy? No. I'd love to see this. Let's see one. Okay. The ocean of Antarctica and this stone is a dark. You can see is like different. And also look here for the first time in my life I'm going to drinking from the ocean of Antarctica and I'm gonna drink the water that looks fresh as shit it's very salt like urination and sweat but first time in my life I drink him and also 1999 the volcanic erection

started here that mountain used to be volcano now he is just mountain look at his comment here It says my main account is suspended. Probably from his... Come to the ocean, the ocean, cold water, hot or lava. Finish him. Okay. What's the next one? Find one with...

Yeah. A small baby doggie. Miao? Where is your mother? Oh my gosh. He keeps sucking my toes. I think he's LGQ HD TV candidate, but I don't mind. So stupid.

Because every day I clean for you, now today you clean your salad. Today I take my baby doggie to get rabbi's vaccination. Rabbis, sorry. I don't understand why baby doggy have to get rabbi's vaccination. So what if he's racist? He's not racist, he's just a baby. We've had enough. Here's another one for you.

This is a fun one, okay? Okay, here we go. Boom. Oh, this is good. Oh, this is good. Yes, that's good. That's a good one. Sorry.

I didn't mean to laugh. It's busy looking at his teeth. I know. This was on the news. They were, what is it? They were two influencers. Yeah. Do you think that's why they hit them?

I hope so. This was in Houston. They were having salmon sliders. And the SUV crashed through the window. They went to the hospital, minor injuries. The driver told police they thought it was in park just rolled into the restaurant. that's not rolling that didn't seem like that was that was rolling rolling that was that song high impact yeah all right one more by the way do you think it was in texas and it was in houston and they

look like an interracial couple do you think of my oh somebody was trying to send a message let people know yeah no eating together we didn't think about though we're not excepting his jeans were pre uh pre rips pre-ripped though oh this is great he's like loading an AC unit up a ladder Holy shit Oh Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Hey Superman's here That's a little late buddy Oh man That looks That's a bad. That was impressive.

But here's a question. It was bad planning, though. How do you bring a heavy AC? I'll tell you one thing you do. You're going on top, you're lifted with a roof. I'll tell you something. You have a second person. You don't do it all by yourself.

You need a helper. He should have had a help. Don't have your wife hold the ladder. Or like a crane. You know, like when they fix the traffic lights, the guy that's in the thing. Oh, like a cherry bucket. Yes. Yes.

Maybe that would have been. I think, I think it would have been using. ropes and going to the top and pulling it up. Like in Amsterdam. Yeah. But again, another person would help. Another person, yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody to catch it as is falling.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Well, these were pretty funny today, guys. Good job with that batch. They were pretty good. There was a lot of cock. There was. Do you guys always do a lot of cock?

Not always. You guys are surprised people. Some days are like horny guy days. Some days are dick days. Some days are horny chick days. Yeah, there was a horny chick that opened the show today. Really? Hello, my name is Sandra.

Give me a father. I've only been with one man in my life. What? We're divorced. Oh. Looking for men. Man. I'm going to sell you right now, Christina, your lipstick is selling good.

Thank you. How did you know? This is my spokesman. This is the model. Is that really? Yes. It's fantastic. This is my new liquid lipstick line.

Oh, my God. It's doing a great job. And this next one, I like to be viral. It is. Subtle viral. This next one is. For me, it's just one of the shirts I'm selling. Bro, do I seem like a fucking homo to you?

I have that shirt. That is a great shirt. What does it say on the back? Just ask me. Not a homo. Man, shut the fuck up, pussy. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, I'm a fucking queer.

Fuck no. That's the back. That's not even saying I'm into dead grandmothers either because I am most certainly I'm not. Oh, my God. That was awesome. A nice family. Look at this family photo in the back

It's grandma I never pictured that That's pretty cool No he's uh That's just how much I fucking I mean I don't see how you gays do it Look at his earrings I put your genitals in another dude's

fucking bottle It's fucking gross I tell you something else is gross But your mom makes safe around me bro Either is your grandma I don't give a fuck Damn Dude he's hard as fuck Who needs sex?

You know why? Because he likes cookies. That's why. That's why he likes grandmas and moms. I am much just fine ladies. That's a weird one. Is that like in a live chat? Is that what's going on? I don't know. Or is that a video

to somebody specific? I always feel like I don't, well he just said you guys are saying I think this was actually meant for public consumption. It's always interesting when those people go viral with hate. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that might be one of those. That's the

This at least I think is made. He's You guys that are saying this, sometimes it's one of my favorite lanes is when they make a video that is for one person, but they go, I'll just publicly upload this. By mistake, right? They think they're sending it like, sending it in a DM. We can't tell. We can't tell. We can't tell. But like.

Jennifer, I hope you get this video. Oh, no. Yeah, on a 200-hour lithium batteries, you're only going to get eight hours, no, matter what. I got 5,000 BTU I probably run in the same kind of waters This is like three minutes long But it's all for Jennifer It's all awesome

Have you ever seen Somebody upload There was a guy from my hometown That uploaded him Just standing there with his cock Oh really? And posted it on Facebook No

I definitely didn't mean to Yeah I remember I was at Dr. Grins In Grand Rapids And I just This is a long time ago And I was just kind of scrolling through Facebook and I just like, oh fuck, that was a mistake for sure.

That should be your profile. Celebrities. Wasn't there a famous celebrity that did in the stories? There's a bunch that have done that. The best is that like a month or two ago, Connor McGregor posted his dick and hung a weight from it. And that was a DM

that he had sent. The following week, he announced his presidency his run for president of Ireland. And then just like three days ago, he's like, I guess I'm not going to run for president anymore. his timeline's fantastic it's amazing it should have been it should have been dick i'm not going to run for a president i am gonna right yeah yeah but he had it all backwards he could have been president right now but he had too much weight on his guck and he just fell apart pretty pretty impressive he needs to go

to your boy with the beard yeah yeah i know yeah that would have been awesome i need i i need a little bit of jizz and my pee get myself going in the morning makes me will you try that will you try urine therapy? Would you be open to it? Now. Have you? No, but I'm not from BC. Oh, that's true. It is a regional cuisine. It's regional. That's hysterical. I'm from British Columbia there for we're pee drinkers. Yeah, that's what we do. Can I ask a stupid question? How was he getting a little bit of jizz in the pee? Right? Because don't those valves, one shuts down so that the other one can... No, maybe he was like, you know, deadling before? So you have a little more in the urethra. Like, You know what I mean?

You were twigged. It's kind of, and then you had a little guy in the pathway. And then you shut it down. Then you had to pee. And now they're mixed together. I love the fact that you're, you are confused by it and you have an answer to it.

That's what's great about it. It's like, how do you? Well, let me tell you how it happens to me. When I did it a little little bit before I pee, I can tell there's a little bit of something on top of the point. You can tell. I get my prostate going.

Do you see the little bit of spermidinal spermicides? Well, but I mean... You see it? That's what he calls it. If you get all, like, worked up and then you don't go all the way, right. Some of that's going to seep into your P-Path. Thanks, Sting. Yeah.

Tondra. It's true. It's going to seep in there. Yeah, but I'm going to be honest with you. These guys, I just, yeah, I just get there and then I walk away. Holy shit, you must be horrible at a four-way stop. Because you're a stress. supposed to go.

I think a lot of women need this reminder because they're so full of themselves about how they are the ones that bring life into the world. And then sometimes you need like a doctor or somebody to tell you the truth, which is, God damn bitch can't make a baby. Somebody got to bust a nut in their pussy. Right? Oh, man. Bus talk.

This is my only regret I never lived in New York City. my only regret in life that and the talent on the trains yeah right yeah the talent on the trains is impressive sometimes the dancing the singing just the public ladies and gentlemen I am not asking for your money

y'all are your way to work yeah you want to see some shit no I am a magician I have two minutes until the next stop I'm gonna need a number from you I'm going to need a number from you And I'm going to guess which card it is

Now hit play on that boom box real quick Check this shit out Sir, what's worse? Public magic Hold on Or public acoustic guitar singing Oh, can I add one to that? Sure Plastic, no, plastic drums

Oh yeah With real drumsticks Oh, it's so loud Oh my God And you see somebody who's a wizard on that, though. But yeah, I know. You're like, what the fuck? What do they do with their drums?

I don't know. But that's the thing, though, is it's kind of a useless talent to really, to really get good on the plastic bin. Yeah. You're not going to play in a band with the plastic bin. Because there's no bass drum on that. You don't know how to double kick. Of course. There's no cymbal.

There's nothing on that. Right now, there's someone listening who's so upset. Like, I could show fucking Ian how to fucking double kick. Ian can suck my dick. I'll tell you how you doing. Yeah, for sure. You take a bigger barrel. You take a bigger barrel.

I think the public plastic drumming. I forgot how awful. That's your least favorite? Those three, I actually like magic. Oh, see, I would shut down magic first. Yeah, but you can watch it and not get involved. Yeah. We have no joy.

Guitar playing is not that loud. But the singing with it in the acoustics and the subway. Oh, I see what you're, yeah, yeah. See, I was thinking about that for the drumming. It is loud. I always have that. I don't like the loud. You know, I'm always like, we're talking about on stage and off.

So I'm like extraordinarily polite off stage. Like just to, you know what I mean in general? And I still remember I was in Columbus, Ohio. I had done this show. Doug Benson was standing there with me. And we were talking and this guy comes up and he goes, would you like to see some magic? And I was like, I do this. And then he looks at Doug.

He goes, not really, dude. and it always sucked with me because the guy was like really he was like no I'm good how about the guy that smokes so much weed doesn't want to see magic it doesn't it was great though they always want to see magic I know that's what magic's for shut it down the guy was like so like defeated he was like all right he just turned around walked away you were like

I was like that I just couldn't say it you're like I've never been able to do that I've never been able to shut that down Doug how did you do that And then Doug's like, what happened? Actually, I think what he said was, I'm good. That's what I think he said, which is even better. I'm good. I'm good. That's so funny. Seen enough magic today.

Take care of yourself. Yeah, I go to taking with it. So funny, though. I'm like, all right. All right, you want to show them what you've collected? Yes, these are my TikTok curations. As always, I like to highlight the marginalized people, the marginalized communities, and give them a voice. Spin on the truth.

Yeah, let them have. Spin on the truth. Before we do that, pull up Ian Bags' website, please, Ianbagg.com so that we can... All right, so things that are coming up. Atlanta, Raleigh, Houston, Phoenix, Tempe, Brea, East Providence, Rhode Island, Boston, Massive Huge Tits, Pittsburgh, PA, Seattle, Meat Rattle, and Spokane. These are great, great cities and venues you're doing. It's doing not too bad. You're doing the global, than Eptoon, a bunch of great clubs.

It's kind of exciting. It's fun. That's awesome, man. It all started with you guys, by the way. When you had me come to your show during the pandemic, that's when, that's when this all started. Really? Yeah. That's awesome.

Wow. So thanks, guys. Get tickets. He is seriously one of the best in the world at doing stand-up. Go see him. I will not drink my own pee. You might be able to convince him. Here we go.

All right. Unbox my dead cat with me. Holy shit. Are you fucking serious? yeah so you can have your your dead pet she's fully breaking down that's great I would die

I don't know if I could do it actually it's not much more than what a cat usually does yeah it's kind of chill yeah so it's kind of I think we should maybe do that to all cats yeah would you do this uh no but yeah but if you love cats yeah yeah you have a dog we have dogs yeah dogs yeah we want to preserve them when they pass

no my wife has them takes them has them incinerated and then she brings home the ashes yeah yeah and they sit next to my mom it's fucking weird

you can do that on a big green egg if you have one of those flame them up oh my god that's really funny and they're big too you can get the big side oh yeah absolutely

and the big green go fist fuck yourself shut the fuck up you bitch or I'll come over there show you what I can do with my fist. If I have to take a rain chip on that fuck wide, my dance card's full tonight. Oh my goodness.

Annie, what is this from? Man, fuck you. What is that? What's the name of that porno? Lisping. I don't know. Lisping behind bars. That's all I know.

What's on any? Any's not a big fan of these. It's from your feed. That's all I know. It's from my feed. What's this one? I love when a man pulls my panties to the side. and my balls just flop out

I love that I can love that that makes me laugh that will never get old that's great remember Fred from Howard Stern used to do the

burr yeah so good don't go changing all right well that's a good one so as somebody in the aviation field

I just want to let you all know your airport fit matters it matters matters what you wear to this hair airport and let me tell you why it's a couple reasons why but let me just tell you all something you never and I mean never know who you're going to come across I always said I might meet my husband here you don't never know ladies put your best fit on his right men put your best fit on you don't know who you bound to run across in the airport

And I'm not even just talking about, like, romantically, your next boss could be found in the airport. Very flexible fingers. I know. Your next business partner. Like, you just, sky's the limit when it comes to the airport. Great nails. Dress your best. Coming and going.

I got to say, I'm a big fan of what she's saying. Same here. Having seen the absolute bottom of the barrel on so many flights where you're, like, the fuck is going on I don't I don't I wouldn't go as far as to say we have to go back to the 50s where it was coat and tie to fly but that'd be fun though the amount of fucking PJs house slippers fucking a body wrap you'd wear at the pool

you're just like oh I've seen girls get on airplanes just in bathing suits I'm going right to the airport from here but that's at least a cool t-shirt you saw the oasis show I did see the oasis show oh my god how great was it I'm so bummed I don't you think it's sometimes though a little too much in the extreme of absolute shit. At the airport it's yeah but at the same time I'm more

concerned when I see a girl get on with with like leather pants or I'm just like are you fucking as soon as you get off the plane like what's going like gigantic like stilettos you're like is there a strip club in Chicago's airport that I'm not aware of yeah like it's

it's a lot but yeah I also flying on winter when you have to wear a giant Coats also bothers me because some people will wear, I'm just like, they're expecting this plane to go down and we're going to have to hike out of here. That's me, buddy. Is that you? Oh, I used to fly with the North Face

fur thing. That's the one I was thinking of. The giant parka. But I would zip it up and just sit like this on the plane. She also wears that when it's like 62. Oh my God. Yeah, that's why I love Texas. Nice and warm. I love Texas because I'm warm. I'd never been so much warmer in my life.

Anyways, who do you think this lady's mad at? Is she gonna show the picture because she's just this is a collection this is a feeling where she has she's feeling compelled to say this because it's been probably years of her being like why is that person dressed in a garbage bag yeah well she did bring out her necklace while she told us that she did she showed us it was jesus it's her friend i know it's i think it's her and like her bf i was trying to figure out who the photo was up oh do you think she was taking down her best friend putting it out she was like samantha just seen you what do you you're fucking wearing in the airport.

Maybe. Oh my god. My name is Summer. I'm a freak and I like to fuck on the first date. So if you think you can keep up with me, add me. 123-8-1-2. Oh. She does not know how to use a phone.

She is in the Idaho Correctional Program and they do a lot of these. They do these video messages for pen pals. Yeah, you can put money in their commissary and stuff. But Summer's like one of the hot. summer's hot and she's also telling you I'm down yeah she's not like sometimes they're like uh I want a friend I like to get to meet somebody I'd like to have you know conversations she was just like I'm down to fuck what's up she's in prison I put my pussy on the glass yeah on the first time you come in your mom and dad will see my virginie it'd be fun if we could if you can do a Google search real quick with her name to find out what her offense is oh my god that would be great okay can we guess yeah we can definitely guess I'm just gonna go simple a couple of D-UIs. She stacked them. Stalking.

She had a better... I'm going for assault or battery. I actually think it's a violent altercation, yeah. Oh, no, no. Public indecency. That counts? Because she's a freak. Do you go to jail for that, though?

I don't know. Maybe she got drunk and fucked too many dudes in public. Gang, bang, public. She's in the system, you know. This isn't jail. Oh, you're right. Sorry. So she's really...

This is a correctional facility. Or she had a bad boyfriend who let her down the path. And he's good at this. Any, what do you think this bitch did? Would that be prostitution? Maybe. I mean, this bitch definitely fights. Yeah.

Okay. I'm assuming there's some violence. Assault or battery, possibly, yeah. I don't pick a violence. I still think stocking. Stalking is interesting. Stocking with a weapon. Well, do we find anything, guys?

Bitch be crazy. Bitch be crazy. Okay. Controlled possession. Grand theft by common law, larceny, embezzlement, extortion, and receiving stolen goods. It's very Idaho. Injury to child is also one of them. Oh, that's not good. Still hot. I'd still take you out.

Yep. In control of, whatever, drugs. Yeah. Drugs, grand theft. In control of drugs. That sounds like she did drugs well. Sentence. She's a sentence satisfaction date.

She's locked up until 2030 for the child injury. Oh, geez. Somebody got hurt. Yeah, she's getting through Grand Larsity next year, controlled substance, 27, and then another few years for hurting a kid. She should probably say, I fuck on the first date,

but I'm not going to look like this. She's 28. Yeah, but she's going to be in there until 2030. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Good eyebrows for prison. I mean, she looks great. I mean, she's really put together.

I'd love to know more about what this stupid fucking kid did. Is there a new story? Look for a new story under it. Well, she's 28. She's young, so she'll still be cute when she gets out. She'll be good. Yeah. Yeah, but after prison?

I know. The food's bad. The sleep is bad. That's why we got to donate. Okay, number one, two, three, eight, one, two. Write that down so we can send something in today. Commissary. We've got to keep her hot.

Initiate Aaron. Oh, my God. Approach. So these are like fat nerds in the park. Jedi Apprentice. Jedi nerds stuff. Neil. Neil.

Neal. These are adults No kids, yeah By the right of counsel Okay By the will of the force I name you Jedi apprentice

Rise and speak your name Rylo Stone Facial Rylo Stone Chaser Woo Oh my gosh At least he's I hope so

I hope he is the only One Like I hope they're doing this for him Oh right Oh I see Yeah yeah I just put that together. Like, maybe they're doing that.

I got to say something. They're not. Definitely not happening. By the way, if he's special needs, you think he's actually chasing storms? Nova Scotia. Who's that guy? It's like that storm Roger?

Frankie. There's a storm coming. Hey, guys. That's Frank. God. God bless the LGBT. My God From sea to shiny sea

From every mountain Tile Mountain Mountain New She's putting her hand on her heart too God bless T-L-G-B-T-Q-I-A You think there's a part of her that just hopes this song

catches on. Yes. Yeah. Just like that one that was doing that stuff. Yeah. I got that and indigenous people of color. You remember sure of that one? Oh, that one's amazing. Oh my God. Well, this one's. La and indigenous people of color. Latinos and Asians, indigenous. And Creoles. She got everything. She lists almost the whole world. Just go through all the colors. Yeah. She really does. I like that her little. Michael, I is that savagely wanting you like a sexy woman.

Look that shirt. That's fucking rat. Loving you all day long into the evening, dust of the morning door. Definitely a kill-tony winner. Guess who's getting a ticket to come back? Throw him a little joke book. You did it.

Oh my God. You're feeling like you're not enough. Because your partner wants to open up the relationship. Oh, tight. I have a rude question for you. When has your partner ever required you to be enough? Oh, my God. Your partner thinks you are essential to their thriving.

Yeah. That is why they want to partner with you in this massive transition. You have always been a source of magnificence in their lives because you are just being you. They love you unequivocally because you are an essential part of their whole. So why are you requiring yourself to be enough? Okay. I'm always confused when Asians get really round glasses. Are you trying to make me look like you're surprised?

Sorry. Yeah. By the way, this brings up your guys' relationship. Yes. Yeah. Do you guys feel that you guys are asking too much from stuff? We're super open. We've already had this conversation.

That's what we want to share it. On the habit of marriage, we're fine with each other's enough. You guys are doing good for you enough. I'm enough. I'm enough. Are you enough? I'm okay. You're okay.

What about you and your wife? Are you guys like... Fuck that bitch. No. I love it. Yeah, she's, uh, yeah. She's open. She's, yeah, yeah.

How many partners do you, or does she have right now? She's got probably about 16 every time. Do you have that thing where you get super excited when she's going on a date for the first time with someone new? I do. I'm just like, a girl. Yeah. I'm so excited for you. Sorry, what position you're going to do? Yeah. And you want to hear the detail?

I just'm like, come on. Did he get a hand d-to? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The N-R-E. You think that's what she's saying, that everybody's open. Yeah, so her account, I've been following her for a minute. It's these really detailed videos about being polyamorous and how to, why you should do it, why it's good for you and good for it.

It's a lot of intellectualizing a thing that seems really. really hard to do you know what i mean i just think on an intuitive level she knows like this shit doesn't feel good so i have to like rationalize she's trying to put it all together yeah some guy usually it's some guy that's talked chicks into this yeah and now she's telling you and she's it's a 20s thing yeah right maybe that's just having fun in games i'm always confused when you see people like 50 60 we're still swinging i'm like oh huh interesting i agree we have a hard time picking what we're going to do to the kitchen. Like, how are these people so juiced up in their 50s and 60s?

Yeah. Because as you get older, you're like, you can't, you can't, I talk about this on stage. You can't have sex the same day you eat. Right? Like, it's Monday, eat Friday sex, or you're pushing farts out of each other. That's all you're doing for an hour. Yeah. An hour.

You definitely don't want to go to dinner and then fucking. No. But when you're in your 20s, you can have a big bowl of spaghetti. and still like pound out two bitches. No problem. Yeah, no problem. Show those bitches, what's up? Show those bitches, what's up?

Surprise! Hey, Peter. Oh, shit. Peter? This is Joe from Cohal. I love it. Yeah, I'm a cop. Oh.

He makes transfers look easy. This is a real cop? Of course, it's a real cop, babe. You got to change the battery and a smoke detector. That was crazy. That was right off. First time I've seen that from a white guy. It's pretty cool.

That's true. So whose house do you think he's going? How are the vibe? Are you interested in? I'm very interested in showing us and like just being us. You'll just probably be like not verbally checking in, but just like looking at you a lot, stepping back. Community theater. And just admiring you in rope.

I think I'm interested in something a bit more comforting. I want to be like really close and connected to you. I definitely want like really soft and tender moments. Great. What do you need for aftercare? I think I'd like a full meal. And to do a debrief and a walk through just to talk through each part and to see how we both feel about it.

What do you need for after care? I think I need all of those things. And then I would love to just check in maybe tomorrow or the day after. Even though it's been a day or two, I just want to make sure you're still feeling good. Awesome. Anything else we need to cover? I thought I can think of.

Check out the next video if you want to see what we do. Just for aftercare, deal with your own shame by yourself. Just go in the corner and think about, oh. Aftercare. It sounded like it was going to be fun before we did it, and then as soon as they came out, then I was feeling uncomfortable. That is aftercare. That's aftercare.

Is this like the ideal, is this like basically how you're supposed to talk to somebody? Tom, what do you need? during what are you looking for during you guys need to wear your headset headphones when you do it put these in you got to put your chris chris titus it's so much for fucking like this ultimately is for fucking right i think well they said rope so they're gonna shibuitsu shibuitsu that shibaru tsutu rope tie you make your own meat shibuino oh yeah yeah yeah yeah you make your own me what do you need rap to care i need a good burping Oh, my God.

I love the kimchi. So, yeah, it's about rope and stuff. And I guess that's a fairly involved sexual thing. Yeah, what are you looking for when we're doing this? And then they were also like, I'd also, I'd like to check in in two days to make sure you don't hate me. For what I'm going to do to you. Is it cool? I'm going to tie you up.

Do those people get like all boned up when they go near boats? Probably. Probably, right? Probably. Yeah. That's a good point. Like two days from now. Are we still cool?

When you're going to be like pretty fucked up over these memories, can I call you? Yeah. Whenever I see there's, they're always hanging upside down. Oh, yeah. Can we see what the tits are in a vice? Yeah, that's squeeze. Like the tit almost comes off. You're like a mammogram thing.

The guy that does the mammograms, that's his after work fun. Hey, your tits went from purple to black. Are we still good? Just fine, Tom. Just fine. Thanks for checking in. Oh, yeah, this is elaborate. Yeah, it's cutting off all kinds of circulation.

That reminds me of a girl I knew in college, actually. Yeah, okay, all right. Oh, shit, okay, so this does require a lot of check-in. Oh, my God. This is, this is, this is, this is elaborate. And you got to make sure that, like, your safe thing isn't, get me fucking down from here right now. Because that's going to be like, no, bitch, shut up. Do you fuck while you're tied up like that?

I don't think so. I don't think they have sex. No. I think they get off on the being tied up. Tight up and no control See you later Because how do you get into that? Yeah, that's a lot

Yeah That's a lot And that's it There's no fucking Well maybe they fuck after You don't fuck during that You fuck after Yeah maybe

After she's cut the purple Yeah After she's After she can't When she gets down And she's like Ah And you go

I'm gonna fuck you now Stupid Tommy Tommy I love it Dummy This was the best dude Can I say

Can I say It's not Cudies doing this shit these two pigs it's never like hotties like there's like

there's like a hot mannequin not these two fucking hairy legs go see tits beards and tits beards and tits Ian back

hey man do you like to be tired up oh yeah man I'm a little a little bit tired up well they both were like this oh boy it's gonna sound like a dribble is that the fart

microphone yeah oh my god Yeah, you were here for the original farm, right? Do you have to fart? No, I don't, but if I did, I would take this studio down. I'd nail it. I just want to watch you and communicate with you.

What are you looking for for aftercare? I'd like a full meal. And I'd also like you to call me and say hi. Some sov for all my rope burns. I'd also like a new rope. Okay. Two fishermen talk afterwards. Ian Bag is on tour.

He is absolutely one of the best comedians. Go see Ian Bagg. Go to Ianbag.com. If you're in any of those cities, check him out. Check out the Husky Boys podcast with him and Robert Oberst. It's always good to see you, man. We miss you. We're friends, right?

Of course. Okay. Just check and make a chart. Because it's weird when you first, and I'm sorry, and we're still supposed to be wrapping it up. But when you first start out, that's the best time. Yes. Because nobody's running around and doing everything.

yeah now you just you barely ever see any friends it's just so true it sucks it sucks it does well of course we love you man okay just check and make sure you love us i i i have always been a big fan and when you guys i was so happy for your success and i just when you guys had kids and yeah it's it just i you guys make me giggle i get stuff all the time and uh yeah and then you do these things like get nominated for awards and i'm just like mother fuck it is awesome so congratulations i don't know how you you're friends with Bert. Anyways. He is so fat. All right, we will see you guys next week. Bye, bye. We've been looking into fart mics, which has been a long time coming. A lot of people need. Fart mic. Fart mic. Fart mic. Tute toots. Yeah. Toot-toots. I'm serious about the fart mic. Professional

mics. Yeah. We've been looking into fart mics, which has been a long time coming. A lot of people need fart mic fart mic toot to tom too too too it's always wow yeah too too too too too and in the perfect can I have the fart mic that was a perfect part thank you yeah we got the equipment tom fart mic I feel like a lot of our listeners are serious about wanting one can I have the fart mic do it register you're kidding fart mic oh it's so upsetting you did all that work No one's here to know.

Well, these chairs, like you've said before, they're not conducive to part it. Fart mic. You got to run. Wow. It smells bad. My tears coming in my eyes. That was.

It doesn't smell good. You really got to be proud of yourself. Yeah. But you caught that on fart mic. You got to really lean of it. You got to practically lay in your shit hammock.