Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Our Jeans Are High & Tactical | Your Mom's House Ep. 840

Episode Date: December 17, 2025

SPONSORS: - Exclusive $35 off Carver Mat at https://on.auraframes.com/YMH. Promo Code YMH - Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/momshouse - Go to https://Helixsleep.com/YMH for 20% Off Sitewide. - Use code YMH at https://monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. Check your six, mommy! In this absolutely unhinged episode of Your Mom’s House, Tom and Christina suit up in tactical vests and announce a bold new YMH initiative: total-life preparedness. From flashlight stances to 10-second doorway scans, the leaders of the Mommy Militia learn how to navigate a world full of lurking threats, fire, danger, and of course… clowns. Shout out to Jason Fabus for the amazing sax intro (IG: @jasonfabus). Tom and Christina show off an impressive array of emergency gear (machetes, trauma shears, MRE pizza with 5,000 calories, brass knuckles, and a foldable murder-credit-card), before the two dive into more safety guy Larry Betz safety lessons, some prime examples of black romance, horny James Joyce letters, trench foot, some horrible or hilarious clips, some TikTok's, and then addressing the loss of a truly stacked inspiration. Stay safe. Stay ready. And never walk into a Chili’s without scanning the exits first. Your Mom’s House Ep. 840 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:12 - Farts & Safety 00:06:44 - Opening Clip: Restaurant Scan 00:16:40 - Clip: Safety Shaun 00:18:59 - More Safety Tips & The Perfect Neighbor 00:30:54 - Clip: Misgendered Meltdown 00:35:11 - Clip: Talk To The Butt 00:37:08 - James Joyce Love Letters 00:41:31 - Clip: Big Gay Clowns 00:43:59 - Madonna 00:47:03 - Clip: Headbutt Self Defense 00:48:46 - Horrible Or Hilarious 00:54:15 - Clip: Isolation Year 00:57:41 - RIP Mary Magdalene 00:59:16 - Clip: Pastor's Cool Advice For Women 01:04:38 - Fedsmoker Jr 01:09:05 - TikToks 01:19:38 - Final Safety Tips 01:22:01 - Closing Song - "She Got Tits" by Joseph and John Juarez Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. No, the fart, Mike. What are you doing? It's on your thing. Do you got a fart? Come on, dude. Be a team player. What are you fucking doing? Look at how you're doing.

What are you doing? You gotta do it. If you're gonna do it, do it right. wow it's been so long it's been so long and you finally are back i'm so happy i had that on my vest yeah me too perfect timing it's important welcome to your mom's house you got a little sneak peek what happens behind the scenes before we record um it should be no surprise to anybody that shifting the focus of not only this show, but everything that comes out of this studio, into preparedness, safety, knowing how to navigate any situation, anything could happen at any

time. So as always, you know, if you stay ready, you don't have to get ready. If you're prepared, you're not paranoid. If you're just always considering that anything could happen at any moment, at any situation, you really are going to move through life in a much more a calm and settled state. Whoa. Double flashlights. Look how fast that was. That was really quick.

Boom. And that's a really good point is that you don't want to be like a lay person. No. Who goes, you know. Oh. Should I think? No. Law enforcement.

You go overhead, right? And you can move and then boom. You can just put your weapon right over. Tom, walk me through that, though. So why is this like an inferior way? just because it's like, you're not in control. You're a newbie. Up here is I'm in control of the light source.

I control. The source is coming from above. You can see, you can scan. Got it. You have more ability to move about with this hand, right? But this guy gets in the way over here. I don't know what I'm. I can't see anything.

Yeah. And also, you're going to be doing eight to ten seconds scans. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. That's a long time. Not long enough in my opinion, but yeah, that's how you scan, I would say, from to five yards out, and then you reset and you'd go further maybe 20 yards out and you'd do another 10 second scan. And that's for any room you walk into or any time you leave a building, a home, a residence, a store, an airport, you step outside. You want to do those two scans. Well, I did that scan. I parked here near the studio and then even though it's just in front

of the front door, I stopped, I scanned, I scanned, and then I walked up. You don't know if there's a bunch of clowns hanging around that aren't normally there. Wow. A lot of clowns. Yeah. This neighborhood, you don't know where they're coming from. It's definitely something to be thinking about. So as you can see, we have a bunch of suggestions of equipment that every listener and viewer of this podcast should buy immediately for the holidays definitely yeah I would gift this to probably everybody in your family yeah and certainly the friends you care about um but it's just basically a way to navigate life you realize how many of us myself included were just going through life willingly oh everything's fine there's never danger anywhere yep and then you know you walk

outside, fucking clown car pulls up and now you're in a situation. And now you're aware. You may have to drive away from a gas station with the pump still in your in your gas tank. And you know what? Which is fine. Which is fine because then you can also live on one of these. Yeah. It's an MRE. I got 365 of these times two. Yep. I've stocked your trunk and my trunk full of these. So God forbid you need to pull over. There's a tornado. You're getting away from clouds. It's a meal ready to eat. And that's pizza, which I'm sure is fantastic. That is a fantastic piece of pizza.

The Department of Defense makes those. We used our connections to get a couple hundred of them. But I would say, you know, imagine you're out, you go, oh, I'm just going, I'm just going to the movies. And then a situation that you're not expecting takes

place. You leave the movies, you know, clowns started rioting. And then now, all the rest Restaurants are closed. Yep. All the windows have been bashed out of every grocery store, restaurant. All the water's been stolen.

The clowns take water, beer. Then what happens? Well, now you're like, I don't have any food. Like, how am I going to eat for the next year? MREs. That's the thing about MREs. Not only are they flavorful, calorically dense. Yes.

This one right here, the pizza slice, you're talking 5,000 calories. 5,000? At least. Wow. I eat one of these a day and also it backs you up. You don't have to stop what you're doing to make a bowel movement. That's why I love these so much. One thing nobody actually brought up in any of this is trench foot, which is something that happens when you have too much moisture in your boots and your socks get all wet.

And then all of a sudden, you know, you got a real situation. So we'll put some links into our description for socks that we believe are higher quality and, of course, how to resolve trench foot once it's taken over. That's such a good point. Tom, not enough people discuss that. And especially because we are in Texas climate, it is moist, that is humidity and such. You should be prepared for any climate at any time. Let's say you're walking down the highway. Let's say you're starting in Dallas and you're like, I'm going to walk to Houston today. Yep.

You don't think your feet could use a sock change? I do. Oh, kidding. Yeah. Also, I've been training our children to drive. Our four-year-old son, Julian, could drive already. Yeah. Because I don't trust these AI robot cars.

Okay, they're trying to rob you of your own license, your own agency. Yep. That's why I only do gas-powered cars and I teach our children how to drive in case they need to get to safety. We're going to cover it all today, but it's an episode about safety and preparedness. And I think it's the right way to go into the new year. Absolutely. Safe and secure. I got my trauma shears. Hell yeah. Let's go. Let's get into this.

Let's get safe. so you're out on town with your friends and you're going into a new environment once again you're going to perform the 10 second rule you're going to go into the new environment scan see for the best spot to sit and the best exits it will turn of exits so let's go inside and see what we have hell yeah do think about the exits yeah bro you know what that theme song needs yep what's the need a saxophone yeah yeah It's smooth. Listen to that. That's really. That's really great. Dude, it was, like, hotter.

Why are we smiling? Why are we having it? This is a serious fucking topic. When you walk into a restaurant, any restaurant ever, you scan the room, you look for exits. You need to know where people are, what's happening in that room. Don't think about what you're going to eat, your friend that's joining you for a meal. Oh, I hope this is a good place to eat. Fuck that. It's safety fucking first.

Of course. So when I did my scan, I noticed I have a fire extinguisher over here. fire extinguisher is great for an improvised weapon if you need something. And it's also helpful if you need to put out of fire. So I know where it is. I can access it quickly. And then it's also close to an exit. So if I need to exit, I have an exit here and then exit down the ed and the hall.

What level of anxiety do you think he enters every day with? Do you think he wakes up and he's like, is somebody in the home? Like, that's the first thought. Is there someone in the bathroom? I have to pee. I just woke up. Check the shower. Open the closets.

look under the bed, and then 30 minutes later, he's like, oh, you have to pee. Also, I didn't realize you could use a fire extinguisher as an improvised weapon? Oh, yeah, I knew that. That's what I usually think of when I see fire extinguishers. I'm like, great, I can bash someone's fucking heaven with that if I need to. Some clown walks in here and talk shit to me. I'm going to smash his fucking face. Oh, my God.

He's fine. I'm surprised he leaves. house without his tactical vest on. I don't understand how, and I cannot believe that he doesn't, like, nonstop talk about concealed carry permits. I cannot believe that. But he's in Arizona. I mean, still, it's just like, I cannot believe he's not talking about ankle holsters.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, carry six magazines on you at all times. Like, to me, it would be, I'm like, when is that coming? When are we talking about shooting? Now, once I'm outside, I have to make a decision. Is it safer to go to the parking lot and go to my car, or is it safer to go to another area? It really depends on the scenario. If there's a fire or a situation over there, I'm not going to want to go through it.

I'm going to look for an alternative exit, which is that way. Oh, okay. So to me, this restaurant gives me a lot of options. It's safe, it's secure, it's monitored, and I have options to get in and out of. So good job. This is a great place to come with your family and friends. Be well, be safe. Well, there's a fire on your left.

You want to go to the right. That's what I learned. First of all, that was such a great observation on your part. I have often thought, what if I leave a place and there's a fire over there? Do I go towards it? Or do I go the other way? But he laid it out clear for me. Now you know.

This is why you need shit like this. Also, if we can't get him, can we get his videographer? Because he's bringing this motherfucker everywhere. You know what I do like about his attire? Here's another thing I want to ask, though. Pockets on the pants. You need a lot of pockets. What if there's a fire.

to your right, but there's six clowns to your left. Oh, no. Then which way do you go? Where do you go? Because those are both very dangerous situations. Very dangerous. God damn, I might take the fire. You want to be in a clown fight or do you want to be engulfed in flames? I think he'd rather take the flames. I think so, too. I think he's afraid of clowns.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's, um... Well, also, too, I like that safety dictates just every decision he makes. He's like, you're done eating your tacos. Is there a fire on here? Is there a tornado or a hurricane or are the clowns around? That will dictate what I do next as a human. Where my day goes?

One of the things I'm having trouble grasping is how much of your thoughts and energy is going into preparedness? Because I feel like you're walking in and you're like, I'm scanning the room. Where are the exits? Is there a fire extinguisher? Are there people coming in? What is potentially dangerous here? You eat and then you're like, I'm going. back into the fucking combat zone.

Like, are you just on high alert 24-7? I think that's kind of how he lives, right? He's in a combat zone. All the time. Stay fucking ready. This guy, in his mind, he's in the Helmand province in Afghanistan.

There's Taliban everywhere. Now, this is illegal in a lot of states, but I highly recommend getting some brass knuckles, you know? Yep. Yep. One of these right here. Keep it on you at all times. lie to law enforcement if they ask you if you have them.

Yep. And if you're having trouble dealing with that, here is, it's like a paper, it's like the, it's the thickness of a credit card, but it's actually it folds and then it's a, it's a blade. That's brilliant. Brilliant. And I highly recommend every listener to get one of these. You keep that one in your back pocket. You keep it in your wallet, just like you would a card.

And then it's like pretend you're a bad guy, ready? Yep. Okay. Get over here, man. Hold on. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you in the face. One second. Hey, you'd better fight me now.

I'm going to get you. I'm a clown. Coming to clown on you. You better get your knife. If you're anything like me, you've probably found yourself met with empty shelves and out-of-stock messages when trying to wrap up your holiday shopping. You can still find a gift that will make your family members feel like you thought about them with aura, frank. I mean, everybody loves seeing photos of the family, especially the older members in your family who just want you to send them photos. They just want to see them. So preload it with a personalized message and pictures before they even unwrap it.

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Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com. mom's house go to shopify.com slash mom's house that's shopify.com slash mom's house here you're first this new year with Shopify on your side here I am there you go there you go perfect I don't fuck around wow that was awesome that was awesome just shit like that you know yeah that's a good it's good to carrying your wallet the thing is though Tim as we've learned wearing these The key is accessability. You got to get to... Well, that's why these tactical vests are fantastic.

Also, I'll say this, comforting. Kind of feels like a hug. Like a thunder shirt. Yeah, like for animals when they get scared. When they get scared. It feels nice. It does feel snug. And then you don't have to, oh, is it in my bag?

Just have it all accessible, you know? You know what this reminds me of too? Oh, there you go. Get it? Flash it. Very nice. Huh? Yeah.

You know what I would do too is put my passport here. Yeah, my neck. All my identification, everything I need for the day here. Right here. That's a great idea. So I don't have to fumble. Can you board a flight with one of these? I think you can. I think you should. Yeah. And then you should try. Hold on. I need my trauma shares. Trauma shears are a mandatory. And, um, yeah. I imagine you can even just cut your food up with this. You know, the Asians like to cut food with scissors. Yep. It's just easier. It is easier. I could cut your steak. Sean who I travel with he was the one that first brought up Traumish ears Now I feel like his are better because his fold Yeah he got better ones

Yours are not very good These are not good Here's Sean Yeah So safety check today We're about to make our drive To the next city You always want to make sure that all your friends are in the car

So you always want them to sound off Tom here Kirk check There we go We're a bus all right we'll make sure you have your knife with you just case you run into some trouble

there we go and of course trauma shoes stay safe out there they fold thank you thank you you're welcome stay safe yeah but can I tell you what I didn't like there is that he didn't have good technique

with the switchblade and you got to practice and then these right here show me practice well I'm not an expert in these but this is the kind that you can really get some stuff done you have to get you have to practice right but be able to i'm not i feel like i'm going to hurt myself if i do that it's like west side story it's like the the jets yes the porto rican kids the greasers and the yeah they were good with those yep you got to watch the spicks in the mix yep west side story that's a great one yep um this right here is

i don't even know what this is oh it has it has a blade and then this here which can break a window if you get stuck in a car, you know, break the window. It's really, oh, and then this here, so you can, you can, again. It's a carabiner, is that what that's called? You can put that on your bike. Exactly, right here, add this to the best, which is really smart and keep everything, you know, yeah. Oh, wow. Again, easy to get to.

Easy, yeah, right there. Anytime I need it, I just pretend you're a bad guy. Get over here, you. There you go. There you go, Tom. You got back at me. Yeah. Yeah, I got caught in elevator once, and I wish I would have had these tools.

Yeah, I don't know how to close this. Can you put the MRE on your body? Because I do feel like I'm hungry a lot. Oh, yeah. Of course you can. And I want to walk around with snacks. Yeah, that's great, man. Let's see.

I'm going to a machete there. Our guy, I think he has some more stuff out there for us. Hey, everybody. Just like we used. the Cooper Color Code and the Otoloup to help scan our environment and make safer decisions. The bad guy is always watching as well. The bad guy is looking at the way you walk, the way you dress, the way you talk, and eye contact. So if you walk around with purpose head up, scanning your environment, you're not a prime target.

Bad guys use something called the hostile planning cycle. I go into the hostile planning cycle in great detail in my book, situational awareness, and safe family travel strategies. link in my bio and go to the prepared university there you get your copy of my book. Be well, be safe. He's not wrong.

No. And by the way, you see how that's like a blousey oversized shirt? Fantastic for keeping weapons on your waistband without them being like notable. You can strap them around your stomach.

Yeah. That's a really good note. He didn't mention it there but it's something I've observed. Yep. Family safety. We've got to get our kids tactical vest too.

Also, why get a pen that you can only write with where this one also has, see on the the other side this is like a weapon again you could break a window you could pop someone in the face with it stabby stabbies yeah the waiter mouth mouth off at you oh yeah you know let them have it fuck up yeah and i see you got your mace there too yeah of course you always want to carry this with you defense spray again this is another great christmas idea oh are you kidding me if i got that in my

stocking i know you cared about me as a lady yeah you want me to be safe mm-hmm yeah um yeah there's just There's so many things. Let's see here. Here we go. Hey, everybody. Larry here from Prepared, Not Paranoid. I want you guys to take a look at this video with a bunch of clowns in Virginia.

Oh, is it? So as you can see, this whole thing was caught on videotape. I believe that was Halloween. Yeah, right? I don't think they just showed up. I don't know. It felt like Halloween. July dressed like that.

Maybe. I mean, they, yeah. Right? Clearly, cameras are not a deterrent. They're great to record what's happening, and a camera could help give you some time to implement your safety plan, but a camera's not going to stop a bad guy

from doing bad stuff. So you want to make your home a hard target and get into habits to protect you and your family. Over the course of the next couple of weeks, we're going to be covering things to make your home a hard target. That's a really cool thing. You know what then?

Because cameras, I agree, they're kind of useless. Well, those guys were all masked up, so they didn't care. A bunch of clowns of Virginia. Yeah. Maybe if you could have something that just automatically sprayed bullets when somebody came to your front porch. Ding-dong, spray bullets. Yeah, right away.

There you go. And then ask questions later. Ask questions later. Yeah. We were watching that documentary last night. Damn it, dude. The Perfect Neighbor. Did you guys watch that?

Oh my God. No. It's so sad. I don't think so. What was the plot? So it's really well done. It's mostly body cam footage from police officers and who have basically they got called over and over and over to the same residence. By this old white lady, right?

I did see this one. I saw it. It was very sad. It's very sad, but very well done. It's very well done. But she did exactly that. It was knocking on her door and she just shot through the door.

She was like, I think I felt scared. I think I felt scared. And then they're like, how long did that take between knocking and this happened? She was like, oh, 10 minutes, 20? And they're like, actually, we have the call log. It was less than two minutes. She's like, felt like longer.

Yeah. And then I heard her switch her tone. At first she was like, oh, so scared. I didn't know what happened. And then this motherfucker came rolling up to my house. Yeah. Like, she is cookie. Cocoa for Cocoa Puffs.

Yeah. She dead? I don't know. I haven't finished yet. I haven't finished it yet either. I, yeah, yeah. But it was really, it's a really well done documentary. It sucks because I really liked the neighborhood that those kids lived in.

It seemed like a really fun. Yeah, everyone was having a good existence in this neighborhood, except for one person. This fucking clown. Who just ruined it for everybody. She really did. I fucking hate her so much. Kids, one time the cops, they're like, what's going on? She's like, kids are out there, and they're, like, screaming and running around.

They're, like, playing in the field. And they're like, she's like, yeah, it's so distracting. They're like, yeah, you live somewhere where there are kids. It's a whole neighborhood, and it's like an ideal neighborhood for kids. It's all kids the same age, playing, and fun. I mean, I wish our neighborhood was more like that. But, you know, oh, it was so sad. It was so sad.

It was really sad. What could they have done to prevent that, though? Because she wasn't doing anything illegal necessarily. No, she rammed her truck into that fence. Yeah. And they didn't, like, arrest her? Well, you can tell a few things, I think, about her watching this. One, I do think psychologically, this is like a hyper anxious person internally.

You know, like you can tell that there's psychologically that I think her pain. panic stuff is probably, there's some root cause of that. Yeah. That she is, is somebody who actually just doesn't do well with, I don't think she probably, it's not the first time she's had neighbors. I bet you if you went back in time, she would have issues for years and years. Oh, yeah. You know, she worked from home.

Oh, yeah. She can't work in an office, dude. No one wants to be with her. You can't be around this person. You know what? This is true because I've had, yeah, this is how my mom was. Like, no matter where she was, she would find enemies. This is.

And it's a personality. This is the trait you often find, though, in true textbook psychopaths because they want to engage and provoke and win. It's always about, like, getting one up on somebody, you know? And there's always an enemy. There's always a perceived enemy, a battle to be fought and to hurt with these kids. And it's every little thing becomes that battle, you know? The thing's in my yard, the noise over here. Yeah, my mom was like that.

thing like they're always like and you're just trying to like provoke and win that battle and then you move to the next battle they're never like satisfied no and yeah they're all interchangeable enemies yeah people that are fucking with me i believe true anti-social personality disorder with this one oh for sure gosh at the least god it sucks they got at one point they go do you uh use the end word and she was like no you're like ever she's like i mean it may have slipped out And he goes, in what context did it slip out? She was like, they were there or something, and they talked. So then it slipped out. It's like, slip out. And she called the kids retards. Yeah. Which is really funny to hear the kids be like, she called us retards.

Those were such good kids, by the way. And then the B word, I know. They were such good kids. I know. It just crushes me. Yeah. It's a very sad thing, but it's a fascinating documentary. but you know again safety first the holidays are here which means it's getting colder days are

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Oh, what are those for? I've never seen those. Let's say you're in a situation where you might need to get your hands dirty, you know. Do you want them dirty? No. No. Gosh, no. Or with chemicals on them, what if you get bomb chemicals on them?

Yeah. Like TSA, you know, and they put on their gloves before they look through your shampoo bottles, make sure you're not carrying nitroglycerin on a plane. I would go through the airport like this, too. This is a good look for flying. If you're a single guy and you're going out on a date, this is a perfect way to show up on a date. I feel safe. You feel safe.

I like it that you're ready for any. And your date might be like, hey, what's up with the vest? What's up with the gloves? Why do you have so much rope? Why do you have this improvised shovel? And you go, well, you know what? I don't know where this date's going to go. You make it a joke.

But the thing is, you don't know what that woman's like. No. You don't know if you're going to have to, I don't know, bash her over the head with your brass knuckles, and then dig a hole, drag her body, and bury it. That's so true. You don't know if she's... Things that happen. If she's going to provoke you or say something to humiliate you. Yep.

You got to show her what's up. You do have to show people what's up. You have to constantly remind people what's up. And you have to be ready for them trying to show you what's up, you know? It is a good way to go through life. It's a great way to go. I feel relaxed. Yeah.

I feel just as relaxed as Larry, considering every possible threat of every moment. Can I tell you something? I think I was Larry before I started therapy. Yeah? Like 28-year-old Christina. Kind of larry-ish. Kind of close to Larry. Yeah.

Had a little PTSD from my childhood. Check out these clowns. Pete or Pete. She? She. He. He. He?

He. She. She. She. Oh, herself. Hey, police. I just got skinned. That was my friend.

She had. If you don't like it, and stuff. He him. His. Your daughters are she her. This is Luda, not the dead name that you keep calling. You're calling.

I got it, man. It's... This is wild. I feel like this is actually represented academia today. I can't imagine what it's like to teach in Portland. Oh, yeah, this definitely has Portland vibes all over. It's strong vibes. That's no Texas vibes.

No. That ain't down here. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Well, I mean, you know, what do you understand? do? How hard is it just to call someone by their right pronouns? You let those pronouns change

every day. You just got to fucking ask. God damn. I mean, I don't see the big deal. I don't see the big deal. Like he's, he is this guy's, he is being he's being kind of a dick. Kind of a knucklehead. Yeah, he is. He's antagonizing. It's putting on a show for everything, but it's like, I mean, he's

look what he's doing. He's like. Is it a spark? Is it right here? He's a man. He's more a man than you are. He's more of a man than you are. You have to listen. He actually believed.

So is he their actual professor? Do you know that? Does anyone know? It looks like it says he's a political candidate father in a long-running custody battle over their twins. Oh, geez. Born a boy. Oh, so one of his children is a boy now identifying as Luna. Jeff opposes medical transition

while his ex-wife supports it. She moved to California where trans-refuge laws protect the child was ultimately awarded full custody and he was speaking against gender affirming treatments at the University of North Texas. No!

That's where this is, yes. Oh my gosh, I take that back. I'm just shocked. Then he purposely did this. Yeah, he's just being a jerk face. Yeah. I mean, how do you, but how do you argue with this? You're like, I'm a boy.

No, you're not. I'm a boy. No, you're not. Like, the argument's kind of. Yeah. Of course. I'd be like, yeah, whatever. Whatever you want.

I wouldn't want to get into a debate about that. Well, no, because like. Also, you're not even looking at where the exits are. For sure, you're definitely not safe on this one. No. But also, like, I wouldn't even want to be talking to those kids. You know what I mean? Like, I'd want to be getting out of there as soon as possible.

I'd be like, okay, whatever you say, I got to go home. Yeah. Yeah. He also, him trying to give this, his point of view to these students. It's like, why? What do you think is going to happen here, man? I don't know. It seems like a really fucking stupid waste of his time. Well, have you noticed, too, the they-thems are always that shape. The very blobular. They're all, they all, that's the, that's the prototype of the they-them. It's a squishy, blobby body. Right? Yeah. It's like a thing. I've only I've known one they them

who I actually very much like The barista? No Oh Yeah well yeah we'll say that for the sake of They're on sabbatical now From their job Okay

But they were thin and like Fit you know That's very rare I usually see this The shape of they them Yeah Squish Squish

Kind of the doughy Squish So you go I'm a they them this was like you're not squishy enough yeah yeah because I well I get but I guess that fits in with they them you want to be ambiguous yeah it's kind of ambiguous yeah you're like are you and that's what they want are you I'm nothing I'm they them yeah don't try to put me in a category yeah yeah it does make sense yeah yeah let people be what yeah just let them let them do what they want

who cares how does that affect you let's talk about important stuff I'm tired of all this damn talking and texting, nigga. Eat this ass. Talk to this asshole. Yeah. That's what you can do. The fuck. She's over the talking and texting. I feel like you guys would get along really well. I think I would get along her real well.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Are we my soulmates? Are we soulmates? Let's stop all this fucking banter. Well, what guy is not putting out? Isn't that all they dream about is a girl like that? Let's fucking get to it, man. Yeah. I know, but what guy is delaying the butt eating? I feel like that's all you guys wanted to do.

Well, I'll tell you who commented on it. Fancy Chef. No. Y'all say this. Y'all all say this. And then he writes, wash it, fire, and then red flags and eye emojis. Yeah. Yeah.

So he's just saying you should wash it first and then I'll come over and eat that ass. And eat that ass. Yeah. Pretty cool, right? That is cool. Yeah. She's pretty. I feel like her,

but I don't think she looks smelly. I think she's probably, she's clean. No, I don't think she looks smelly at all. Yeah. She looks like a nice lady. Yeah. Yeah.

She's, this is, but this is, I think this is specific to someone, you know? To one, it's seen as, it's broadcast as like a general thing,

but she's commenting because she's tired of one person. There's one guy in particular. She's like, what the fuck? Just come eat his ass. Just come over and eat my butthole, dude.

Talk to this asshole, man. Yeah. Yeah, somebody's dilly dallying around with her. Yeah. Toying with her emotions. Yeah, she's like, what are you fucking doing, man? Yeah. God, I never felt it that way before.

I can't imagine the frustration of it. You just want a guy to come over and eat your butt, and this guy keeps toying with your feelings. It's just crazy, right? Just get over here. Do you know the great... Oh, shit. Can I pee first?

I'm distracted. Sure. Let me go whiz. I know I'm going to get a lot of shit about this, but thankfully Tanner came in and showed me that I held it wrong. Oh. Like this, I had it the other way.

I didn't even know that. He also said you don't want to strike someone you want to drag down on them. Is that right? Yep. Okay. So thanks for that tip. Also didn't know that on the side of this,

you know, shovel that collapses, you have like a straight edge here and you have like a saw on this side. Wow. So if someone's being real chatty, you know. Multi-purpose. I like that. Yeah, pretty cool.

That's really good to have. This is for a tourniquet, you know, If there's like a serious wound that could happen right after dinner, you can keep that on you. Of course, we have a machete. This is something you can keep in your trunk or on your person, you know, something you just, you can strap this to your belt loop and you just have a machete on you at all times.

I could have used that when I fell down the stairs. Oh, that would have been great. I wish you would have come down in your tactical vest with all these tools on there. Well, I could have just taken your foot off And you wouldn't have had to deal with the rehab The rehab, yeah It was quite a pain in the ass

Yeah, that's fucking great I know you like literature And you studied philosophy And you like some of these older writers Were you a fan of James Joyce? So boring Subliners, I try reading it But I'm familiar with it, yeah

I don't know if you're familiar with this Okay, here you go Yeah I'm going to read you a letter James Joyce, the Irish writer, wrote to his then-mistress or girlfriend or partner, Nora. My sweet little whoreish, Nora. Yes. I'm delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways. Yes.

Now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. At every fuck I gave you, your shameless tongue come bursting out through your lips. And if I gave you a bigger, stronger fuck, dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arseful of farts that night, darling. and I fucked them out of you. Big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks. I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere.

I think I could pick hers out in a room full of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise, not like the wet, windy fart, which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty, like what a bold girl would let off in a school dormitory at night. Good night, my little farting, Nora.

My dirty little fuck bird. I love this. Dirtier. Dirtier. I love this. Jim. That's wrong. No, this is brilliant.

This is literature. Now, I would have gotten into James Joyce. If the book was like that. If this was the book? Same. Dubliners is fucking boring. Yes. This I could read all day.

And why aren't you writing me letters like this? Well, I remember, I remember that like 40 years ago when I met you, I know your time out. Bukowski, yeah. Bukowski and then the story of the eye, George Batai. That's right, both of those. Which is a very vulgar, too, about

orifices and shoving eyeballs into my asshole and the jizz and come and da-da-da-da-da. Story of the eye. Story of the eye. Story of the eye. And Bukowski, too. Filthy. Wonderful thing. I was like, this is good. I like this.

I like it too. Yeah. I like James Joyce. I didn't realize I was a fan. That was pretty cool. He's really into butt-sexing. I didn't. He likes farts. Yeah. My dirty little fuck bird. That's rat. Why don't you call?

me your dirty little fuckbird i mean we can add it dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside mm-hmm yeah could you imagine just being appreciated this much i just i love that he has he has to take pen to paper because he's so he's so juiced up about this chick's farts and her ass yeah fucking her so romantic having her fart while they're fucking that's also pretty gnarly well he recalls it every thrust that another fart came out of you long windy one ones. Yeah, he was really into it. I really like this guy. There you go.

The Irish, wow. Somebody should release the James Joyce letters as a book. That'll be a bestseller. We'll pump it. I'll pump it for sure. Because I've read like, what is it, Albert Einstein's letters, boring. Not a lot of these guys, boring. Let's see some fun stuff. Check out these clowns.

I know you don't want to speak to me after what I said. But, you know, I've been doing some. thinking and we can work things out. Baby, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry. Aw. You know, I've been doing some thinking, too. You're the best thing in my world. Oh.

And I want to keep it up there. Oh, yeah. I like that they didn't hold for the plane flying overhead. A lot of times on set, if you have. a plane or a helicopter you hold hold for sound you say hold for sound and they were just like just keep her okay that's okay i love you wow i love you i love you too baby i love you still my man i love you that was kind of beautiful that was so beautiful any what you think man i'm fucking i'm tired of coming here man i'm just i'm getting tired more tired every day

um i don't have thoughts uh did you dissociate during that or something probably yeah something like that yeah i don't know it kind of looks like niggas i know is that right don't love that you know these two i hope not dear what's that guy's name on the left i don't know i don't want to know they're fucking jacked but you know what's nice his earring matches his nipple ring that is fucking hot i mean cool that's cool and also they're having sex on the hard stairs yeah they are so into each other that they have to do it on the concrete they can't they can't even do it on the cushion where the guy was incredible that's so hot right any don't you think that's romantic man with the right any fucking

fuck out of here with this shit man black twitter will hear Not all the abuse I've been put through. This is unacceptable. If only we had HR, they would be getting a call. You know, I didn't realize, and I'm not into gay male porn. I think I might be into black gay male porn. Oh, wow. I might be into this because it's so different.

It's so foreign to me. I never see black men expressing love this way. Yeah. You know, I just read this letter that Tupac wrote to Madonna this morning. let me eat you. And he was so tender and sensitive. You know what's so funny? He wrote on the letter.

He goes, you know, as a black man, it's not acceptable for me to show love to an older white woman. That's what he said. I was like, you fucking dick. Yeah. An older. How much older could she have been back then in the 90s? You know, 35 and he's 25 or something.

Yeah. An older white woman. Maybe. God damn, dude, you just fucking ruined this whole fantasy for me. I'm imagining he's writing me the letter Really? Because you're an older white woman I'm an older white lady Yeah

Tupac I mean that would have been That would have been such a... Oh, he was so pretty Yeah, he's a good looking guy Yeah, he's so arty and stuff Mm-hmm Yeah So you have that fantasy

The Tupac fantasy? That he would write me a letter from jail Yeah Because he wrote Madonna a letter from jail Yeah Explaining like why their relationship Didn't work out Yeah

A lot of it was societal He's like look I don't know how to treat an older white lady Basically Yeah And I'm a thug And I'm no good I'm no good

I'm sorry and I'm sorry but if you want to come visit me in jail come visit me and this and that but you know what's interesting is that he called her Madonna in the letter and I'm like is that like That's her real name Oh for real?

Yeah Are you sure? Yeah Madonna I just thought maybe I think I remember that It would be weird to call somebody by their stage name Yeah I think that is her real name

Madonna Chaconi Will you look up? Isn't it? Am I wrong? I don't know what's her Britain Yeah it is Oh Madonna? Wow that's wild to name your kid that

madonna la madonna louise tricone chikoni madonna i mean that's basically naming your kid the virgin mary yeah basically the virgin mary yeah i wonder she is like has this complex yeah like she's a star yeah when you name a kid that god damn dude people today too if you're in your 20s or even 30s

you do not understand how famous this woman was like the peak of her fame was like it was you i mean it was it was everywhere like you could not get away from the presence of madonna's impact in in that time like the 80s late 80s i would say is like the peak oh my god maybe like 80s into the early 90s right oh she's huge for decades so but that era was like really dominant i know and i just rewatch desperately seeking susan while i had AIDS this last two weeks or so and she's so charismatic and she really captured the

generation and she was this was at a time too where you know MTV was the internet so every time you turn on MTV you were joining like 50 million people watching it and it was a lot of times

it was just Madonna crazy she dominated that channel oh yeah and I wanted to be her this was my role model every girl did that's who I wanted to be right there but in the far right corner

yeah top row Madonna top row she's so rat I still want to be her. Look at that. All right, we're getting sidetracked. If we're just Madonna talk? Madonna and Tupac? We've got to get back to fucking preparedness and safety.

So he's pinning me into a scenario. I can't get out. He's doing the tough guy thing. His arms are out. I'm using the top back part of my head. And this is a hard area. You can slam this pretty hard. You can't go.

Just chase him. Come that ready. He starts moving this way. This might be the only tool. that you have and then you use the wall to bounce back off. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. I like that he's demoing

his head on a helmet. Yeah. This guy has banged that thing a lot of times. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Comment ready to start trading now. Ready. Ready. Ready. I'm ready, too, bro. I'm fucking ready. I love this shit, man. I love it too. He got to bounce off the wall. That's tough

to do when a guy's coming at. Canteen. Heck yeah, dude. This should be on you. all times too well yeah for seven oh yeah water that's honestly i should have mentioned this first no it should always be on you you don't have water for 72 hours you die bro yep food is one thing how long can you go starvation months months but water yeah no not long not a joke you should think about it you should be thinking about it every day every minute every hour every week every time think about threats all times think about being able to see in darkness yeah think about improvised weapons you know

tripod right keys bottle of booze what anything around you could you can make a weapon and then think about water a lot too you can make that into a bomb if you wanted 100% mom top cocktail yeah here we go let's um let's see some funny stuff let's go Oh, bro. What just happened? Did he just break his ankle? Yeah, he just stumbled and broke. That was so fast, bro.

Yeah, it was, yeah. Yeah, he's so drunk, and he's really drunk. He's hammered, yeah. That's good. Holy shit. Yeah. Because I had to say when I broke my ankle, I didn't know it was broken at first either.

I wanted to get up. You don't know. You don't always know. That's crazy that he stepped on it again. Yeah. Shit. Oh, man. That's terrible, Tom.

That was terrible. Jerks. That was great. That was, if you're listening, it's a, it looks like it's like a pro-level cycling race. Yeah. And after a turn, a guy crashed, and then a whole bunch of bikes crashed into them. And then you can hear people screaming. Tour de France.

You have to imagine that this happens a lot in the bicycling, in the cycling world. I would think it happens fairly often, yeah. Like, you've trained for this. Like, you should be looking for this. Again, if they were safety-minded. I know. That's a great. great point he should have turned the corner and then you didn't scan scan obvious he went into it just

too fast 100% yep good point god damn dude all right it's always I keep for example oh yeah yeah he got electric you got electric yeah yeah he got electric yeah he went to grab that I guess yeah he went to grab that I guess it was like an electrical wire in there, right? Yeah, and then you got electrocuted. You should have someone else touch things for you, Tom, especially as a celebrity. Like, you're very important. Yep. You shouldn't be touching anything until you have someone, an assistant, do it for you. Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, see if you had one of those, he would have been okay. You're seeing so many reasons why Larry's on point. Yeah. A lot of things that happened here wouldn't happen if they had bought Larry's book. Absolutely. Yep. Absolutely. Grabbing an electrical wire with, I mean,

Come on, without rubber gloves? What are you out of your mind? Yeah, he's stupid. Yep. He lost consciousness for a brief moment, this guy. I mean, who would even expect that that would be electric, though? Would you even in a million years think that would be a good. That was a good scream.

Yeah, here is. Keep one example. Dang. Yeah. That shocked the hell out. Like, he literally, there was no reason. to think. No. No. Yeah, I would have grabbed them. Why would they electrify plastic grapes anyway? I don't have no idea what's happening here. Yeah, I have no idea. Just one of, you know,

nature's safety hazards. It's always everywhere. That's the thing. That's the thing I'm trying to get to. Yeah. You know what you're better off doing? Just never leaving the house. Of course. That's, that's preferred. And make it a hard target. Yeah. So that people don't try to break in. Yep. But then you don't have to worry about any shit happening because you're just home. Yeah, that's what I try to do, minimize risk at all times. At all times. Oh my god. Timing's off. I could have told you that already.

Yeah, he jumped way too late. He jumped way too late. They didn't do him a lot of favors on the speed of the truck. Of course, dude. You know, you could have gone five miles. I think that's, holy shit. That was crazy. He didn't anticipate the motion. He jumped after the truck was already past him. I mean, yeah, he didn't.

I mean, we've all done this. You got to... One. Jump now. Jump! Now! Come on, guys. This person hasn't seen the A-team.

You haven't watched fucking McGiver growing up? He'd landed on his tailbone. He sucks. He's so fucked. What is wrong with you, dude? The timing. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Idiot. fucking idiot yeah you needed his ropes just would have that would have helped a lot tailbone cover fucking dummy oh Jesus

it's so ridiculous man so fucking crazy we are one week away from teacher coming out on Netflix it's my new special it premieres

Christmas Eve, December 24th on Netflix. Please put it in your queue, put a reminder in, call the fam, watch it with the family and friends, and I thank you very much. Very excited. I can't wait to see it come out. It's so cute. I'm very excited. It's so pretty.

It should be a very fun thing. You know who has the right idea? I can't believe that I just said it, and now it's in my video bank here, is about not, you know, going to be in danger if you stay home yeah my name is skip i'm 49 years old and i'm starting something today that scares me a little on january 10th i'm locking myself into this room for an entire year great 365 days i won't leave i'm going to live stream 24 7 okay i'm doing this because i'm tired of the being the version of myself that avoids hard things I want to get control back.

One goal is simple. By the end of the year, I want to do one perfect pull-up. The pull-up is the proof, but the real goal is rebuilding who I am from the ground up. This is day minus 70. I'm starting the preparation now. If you want to follow in the process, stick around. I have a feeling the people that are in his life are not into this idea. Like the people in the photo frames?

Yeah, his children. They're not like, cool idea, man. You know, you don't have to lock yourself in a room for a year to achieve your pull-up goal, right? I mean, this is... But that's funny because that's the only goal that he lists is to do one pull-up. Well, you can do that and leave the house. You can. You can.

Now, you're going to be in way more danger, obviously, all the time. But the isolation. for a year. I don't know if you'll leave a better person. You know, there's a lot of studies about people who are in isolation that it doesn't usually go, it was the best thing that ever happened to him. It's usually, this is what psychologically broke this person. Right. That's how they punish prisoners, a solitary confinement. That's right. So, yeah, you know, you want to create yourself in relation to others, in relation to the world, being in the world. Safety first, obviously. yeah be very safe does he does he tell you what his other goals are just right now it's a pull

up yeah okay um he uh he wants to break habits rebuild and i think this is this is his approach to doing it so his greatest fear is to not leave the house to face himself is that what it is i think he feels stuck in life and he goes how do i get out of this rut i'm going to do something dramatic and stay inside i'm going to stay in a room for a year well look you're definitely going to have a nervous breakdown. So he's right about that. Yeah, it's going to reset some things for sure. He will definitely start to break down emotionally very soon.

Like remember that show alone, the nature show? Yeah, yeah. That's always what broke those people was being in social isolation and diarrhea. You usually get diarrhea from eating sea otters nonstop for seven months or so. Yeah. But yeah, he'll start crying in a week. Oh, yeah. You know, because I used to want to do a silent retreat when I was in college, and then I was like, I think I would go crazy within like, right?

I mean, really think about it. How long can you stay silent? I don't know, but I think this is going to really go poorly for this guy. Can we live stream? I'd love to sign up. Yeah, he starts next, well, he starts in like a month. Oh, okay. Well, let's keep track of it over the year.

What is this breaking news? Mary Magdalene, who is the model and influencer that we based Tina off of, has passed away. Really? Yeah. Can you pull that up? Oh. No. 33?

Oh, no. Oh, she was gorgeous. And says the surgery-addicted social media star known as Mary Magdalene has been found dead in Thailand. 33-year-old whose real name was Denise Yvonne Jarvis Gungora died after. after falling from the ninth floor balcony of a high-rise on Tuesday. Daily news, Daily Mail has reviewed information released by the police that verifies her identity

and independently confirmed the death with a source. The Mexican-Canadian model's body was discovered by hotel staff in the parking area. Oh, damn. Jeez. Shit. That sucks, bro. Yeah.

Yeah, that reminds me of Tino so much. I know. Yeah, she was huge influence on us. Yeah, she really... she went wild with that wow fucking a man yeah he might come out of his one year looking like that you never know i hope so yeah i don't think he'll last i don't think he'll last either plastic surgery gosh that's very painful she really went for it though look at her how she was before all that yeah oh my god rest in peace lady damn yep rest in peace denise

that's fucking crazy um you have some friends that are single ladies yep all the single ladies have you ever thought of giving a suggestion that might help them not be single oh like what here's the advice or young single women who want to be married and feel as though they're being passed over lose 20 to 30 pounds duh yeah Yeah. Yeah. I'm a young woman. I'm a Christian.

I love the Lord. I'm not a boss babe. And you might be thinking like, why am I being passed over? Yeah. There could be a lot of reasons. But one common one is... Drop some male bees.

You could perhaps need to maybe be intentional over the next three to six months. I love the soft language. to strive to lose 20 to 30 pounds. 20 to 30, yeah. I'm actually willing to be criticized publicly in order to tell women the truth so that they might live more God-pleasing,

satisfying, fulfilled lives. That's the opposite of misogyny. That's actually loving women. It's actually loving women. Yeah, he loves me. It's the same message, I will say, it is really the same message that Kevin Samuels was spitting.

Right, but, but Kevin Samuels was direct and open about it. And he's, you know, he's doing his whole, I'm just like a loving Christian guy. Yeah, yeah. I just got to tell you as Christians. This is really a soft way of getting in there. It's how you be an asshole in today's world. People are so afraid of being assholes,

so they have to go, I sort of, I kind of feel like a sort of a da-da. That's just why I love 50 cent. and this whole P. Diddy 50 cent thing going on is that 50's old school. He's like, go fuck you, fuck your mother. And it's so respected. Yeah. It's so respected because he's just, it's just out. Yeah.

This guy is still trying to be a nice guy. Just still like me, like me. Yeah. It's like, shut the fuck up. Shut up, bro. Just call chicks fat. Like people have been doing forever. Yeah.

Everyone calls chicks fat. Well, that was the great thing about Kevin that I always miss. Yeah. Does he be like, what do you weigh? How tall are you? What's your job? What kind of baggage you have? How many kids?

He's like, no one wants you. You ain't shit. Next caller. Yeah. Well, is he married? He's married. Yeah. So who's he talking?

Who's he telling it to? He's telling the young Christian women of America. This was only to Christians, though. Only to apply to you. No, no, no. Man, this trauma shares look great. I like the way they're resting up on your throat. Thanks.

I like to keep them right there. Yeah. Just in case. As a reminder, if you're never going to be like, where are my trauma shares? I feel them. I feel them. I like touching my skin all the time. That's pretty cool.

Thanks. Yeah, but I mean, this, by the way, this goes both ways. You could make this message to young single men, too. To not be fat. Yeah, lose 20, 30 pounds. I know, but it's never that. It's always just be richer, be more successful. Yeah, get your shit together work-wise.

Because the whole thing is like, guys like looks, women like money. Isn't that the big trope? I mean, yeah, yes. I don't know. But I think it applies to both, right? If you're single and you're like, what's going on? I don't know. Have you looked in the mirror?

Yeah. Have you thought about getting a facelift or a nose job? I know, and it's so easy to be hot these days. Yeah. Can't just, like, pay for it. Everything's available. I know. Just go get plastic surgery.

Yeah. Fuck, man. I know. Now that I've done it, like, it's so awesome. I want to do everything now. Do it. Go to where Tina was. That lady looked great.

Yeah. I don't think the butt lifts look good. Like Madonna's butt doesn't look good. You don't think so? I don't think you can do like peck, like the peck, the muscular implants don't look real to me and they don't look good yet. Like, I don't think that looks crazy. Yeah, that does look insane. Yeah.

She didn't need it. God, she's done so much to herself. It's too much. You can't do too much. Yeah. Why would you do that, dude? I don't know, dude. Yeah.

I don't know. Maybe she's, look, I don't have a big ass either, but that's kind of what, you know, you got to, work with what the framework is you know she's petite yeah yeah can't have a big ass that's how it goes that is how it goes you just do more squats yeah she was in such good shape for so long really yeah and then also if you get too crazy world famous yeah this kind of happens to you i think this happens to the women who get crazy crazy famous yeah because you want to stay forever young and forever relevant yeah as a young person and it's just not possible It is possible, I think you can age.

Just do it. You just can't do the same things you were doing when you're 60, 70. Yeah. You got to change your style a little bit. Yeah. You can't insist on being 20. Because you're not. It doesn't work anymore.

That's so true. Yeah. Just age. It's okay to age. There's nothing wrong with aging. Yeah. Just be 70-year-old Madonna or whatever. Oh, we got some, yeah, of course.

We have, we got some young Herc, you know, Herc Jr. Of course I know Herc Jr. Of course I know Herc. Junior. Where is my guy? Where is he? There we go. Yeah. You fucking retard. Here's the spirit of Herc.

Name a serial number. Name a cell number. Chief Barista, why is she refused an idea of yourself to me? Look at your fucking gray hair, you old fucking lady. Look at your hair, old lady. Chief Brista, why is she refused an idea of yourself to me? Why should have to leave the unit running? And again, he's always on the move, which was a real Herc trait.

you're always in different cities you know where is this do you know where this is that might be Miami that was gonna say those colors right yeah that's fucking awesome dude here we go yep that's Miami there what is your name is serial number

what is your name is cell number my name is serial number yeah you're asking for my badge number you're serial number Division The city of Miami Brickle division

No No what division in the city of Miami The special operations section These guys are always like Is there something I have to say he always engages like Really like usually like willing Police officers who are like

Do you have like an emergency? They're like I'm sorry, what? Because he comes in hot He comes in a present Which is the truth? trait of meth. You come in hot, dude.

What's your serial number? You don't lead with excuse me. No. Fucking as soon as that window comes out, name and serial number. You know, hi, how are you? No. Sir, can you talk to you? It's just straight into it.

Here we go. Are you a certified peace officer in the state of Florida? Duh. I think it's interesting that you can take the unit home and you can live counties over. That's pretty interesting. Really? police or medical service? Yeah, they should

that's the right. That's the right. Yeah. Well, he just, he was like, oh, this guy's out of his fucking mind. Out of all the police we've seen, that's the normal response you should be having, which is, okay, buddy, enough for this. And sometimes they're like, why are you doing this? Like, they're so, they're so, I love when they're just like, I'm just sitting in my car. He's like, yeah, you're fucking running the car, wasting gas.

They're like, what? yeah but this is miami where it's home of the locals oh so many locals down here this is 24 7 loco loco show for sure so he's just like oh this is another fucking so crazy dumbie are here in color right very coward big of what you're doing you should shave and don't support this business this business is ties to scientology don't support this business right here then look open yeah you don't have to worry about that yeah i think i think we did yeah good fucking hey man yeah

he's doing his things stuff like that uh shave your face and i thought his facial hair looked fine i thought it looked good oh he has a okay oh yeah he's a sigma kai audits yeah real name is keem james he is a political science major at ucla what holy shit and the reason he harassed the Kai's, he believes they are affiliated with the Illuminati. Sure. Yeah. Duh. Everybody knows that.

Yeah. I like that it says he is known amongst fraternities as the guy who harasses people. Yep, that's pretty accurate. Luminati. I guess he wants, you know what it is? He wants to be a part of their group and then they're not letting him in, right? I think he just wants to be a Sigma Kai. Everybody wants to be part of something.

And then he's, you know, he just doesn't know how to make friends. He doesn't. He really doesn't. I'm just jealous of all the fun they're having. Yep. Well, you know, if you can't join a group, I would say just be prepared on how to handle them. Just think of, yeah, every possible scenario. Mm-hmm.

Look left, look right. Look left and look right. Look for the fire. Move to this other direction. Keep going. If you see a fire, walk away from it. Go away. Shit like that.

Yep. Stuff like that. Smart. Here's some of your talks. Yes. Hello. If you're going to say. shit on Facebook Marketplace, eBay reply to me. Don't leave me on red and shoot it like that.

Okay. That's, um. What? Thank you. Thanks for that. Well, if you're going to put your stuff on Facebook Marketplace, don't leave her on red. Yeah. Reply, dude. And this is just out there for people? Well, yeah. Do you know how to use Facebook Marketplace? I haven't used it. So then this could have been for you. You stopped it. That is true. I'll save this one, but I'll watch it later. Yeah, watch it later. Okay.

Take notes. Thank you for following me on here, but I don't want to have long conversations on chat rooms at the moment. Okay. Thank you. Bye. He doesn't want to have long conversations on chat rooms. Uh-huh. He doesn't want to.

Why are you keep asking him for? Oh, my God. What? I don't know. Well, how are people going to know he doesn't want to have the long conversations in the chat rooms unless he puts a video out? It's a good point. It's a good point. Ila Vaino?

Yep. Ila Vainel, can you meet your party at the customer service test? You had to say it more than once, or you think she heard that? I hope she heard. What's the name? Last name, Vaino. First name's Ila. Ila Vaino?

Yeah. Attention shoppers. Ila Vaino, can you please meet your party at the service desk? Ila Veno, can you please meet your party at the service desk? Thank you. I was wondering if you can call for my sister to meet me back up here real quick. What's your name? Last name is venal and their first name is Ila.

I love venal? Yeah. On page I love venal to electronics. He's got a rub and tug shirt on? There we go. This is very good. Oh, so good. That's great, guys.

Such a classic menace formula. Yes. It's just timeless. It's good fun. Every time. Yeah, it's always good. It's always good. And you should keep this up.

Yeah, forever. And if you're a kid, go to your local store and do this. This is good fun. It's good for everyone. I'll be rough, but I'll see it all blue. I've been pushing, never give up on my stories. I'm going to help you guys buy her CD because she's got CDs for sale for the holidays, too. Never give up.

It's really nice of you. You got it. If you guys like the crap, then you better hurry up, because this is about to be flying off the shells, the Forever Roll. by shaman 555 feet of shit paper i mean this is never mind technology like AI or or evolving into the bidet this is doubling down like wipe into the above bleats we've got a kickstand in the static kit stainless steel this is if you're a janitor you got to get excited with us i'm talking i got to get this for the teachers faculty room because they go through it like nothing this is I'm got a crap yeah dude 500

They should only be making forever rolls. Yeah. Why would you buy anything inferior to a forever roll? Because that's big toilet paper, the corporations. Of course. Yeah, they give you a little bit, a couple shit tickets, and then you're out. I need more, of course. Yeah, keep you on the line.

That's right. Keep you coming back. Yeah, they're like drug dealers. Yep. They, this is like a hidden thing. No one knows about this. I never heard about this until now. So this guy.

Yeah, thanks for putting that out there, man. Shit. Kate, can you please come and open the gate? I can't because I have a date What do you mean you have a date Kate Kate Kate Kate I'm happy for you that you have a date Don't forget to make him wait

Otherwise you won't appreciate Go out and celebrate And also Have a debate Because it's nice to have a debate On a date She does rhymes for any name Any name she can do

I was so surprised how upsetting that was to me I really bothered me all of it come on it's fun it really bothered me she can do this for any name like I said Tom Tom you're the wrong her expression bothers me too yeah it's fun Tom

nah it's just fun hey I had to change to my sweater because it'd be getting corras fuck out here Serrio she's a good one that's a nice quick one she's amazing she's always my hair yeah

it's like corrae for serrio like you have to be like brsess with me Yeah My favourite Monday morning moan Oh my God Plenty to moan about

Hashtag Afraid to fart Oh my God Do you ever have a bad stomach I've got a really bad stomach Today Yeah We had a bit of a mix-up last night at dinner And we made potato salad

And there were three varieties Of potato salad There's only three of us I don't like raw onion like I do not like it I fucking hate raw onion my whole body hates it you'll read about it in the book

why it's so bad why it creates such a negative trigger in my body the book is called Afraid to Fart and the Fine Art of Following Through if you've ever been afraid to fart you need to read the book

Do we not order that book? So last night we made potato salad and we chopped up some onion for one of my friends really finely she likes it very fine and then we chopped up a rough bit of onion and I help because I quite like chopping things

because I'm still quite good at chopping things when I know what I'm doing with the knife and the board and everything. I've stopped chopping the ends off my fingers I've got used to the blindness over the last couple of years. She's blind? Sounds like it, yeah. Okay.

I do like her eyes though. I think they're a really cool defining feature on her face. I find her face very interesting. I like watching her talk and I like her. And I agree. I'm a great chopper. I'm a triple Virgo. I think I've said that a few times.

She's a triple Virgo. What is that? It's three Virgos. God. Triple Virgo. So this raw onion is on two plates. Put the potato salad on top and mixed it, and I had my potato salad. Okay.

That's, um, thank you for that. Jesus Christ. You don't want to hear the potato salad. No, it's a good story. It is a good story. Well, she chopped it. She can still chop. Okay.

They gave her the farts. And then there's three different types of potato salad. I don't know if you caught that. I caught that. And the one she had with the onions gave her gas. Because she didn't know she was eating the one with onions? Is that what happened? I think so.

So finally chopped in there. I don't know. You need a six-minute fucking video to get to that. She's got to write a book about it, too. Oh, ready? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's so good.

It's so funny. The kids were like, ooh. You have to show that to the boys. Of course. Of course. So there's like, I don't know if this is true, but they're like, in and out had to stop doing number 67 because kids were doing this stuff, which is so far. Makes sense. Well, that guy had fun with it.

That's nice. Yeah. I really, and now I'm really thinking about the onion story. Yeah. Yeah. Because I think it would have the same effect on you. The onions? Don't onions affect your...

No, not... Well, yeah, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even tell you that I solved the fart mystery. Well, tell us. This is a huge YMH exclusive. What are you doing? Why did you bury the leaf?

You wait until the end of the episode? I know. So, I have been farting fucking wild, right? Like, so, so, so crazy. and it coincided with my following this meal plan which has me eating just following these macros eating 200 grams of protein a day which is not that crazy but you have to like stay on it right and I was starting my day with yogurt which I used to do I haven't done in a while and protein powder weigh protein those are both dairy products.

And I think I've always been lactose intolerant and not really realized it. And then I remembered that that GI doc I talked to was like, you should just take lactate before you have any dairy. She's like, that's what I recommend to people. I do it, my family does it, started doing that. And guess what? What? Farts just kind of went away. This is crazy.

Yeah. So you're just telling me you've been lactose intolerant this whole time. I think so, yeah. Yeah. She also said that 70% of the population is some level of lactose. Yeah, 70. I know. Every time I eat yogurt, I hate it.

It feels bad. Yeah. Every time I eat dairy, it feels bad. Pretty crazy. You're not supposed to eat curdled cows milk. It's just... Curdled animal milk. It's really nuts, man.

Yeah, why the fuck are we doing that in the first place? Yeah. Why are we drinking cows milk? It's so weird. Dude, you know what actually just rips, dude? It's like, when you're vacuuming and you just hit that one spot, dude? like you're just on the carpet it just starts crackling dude like what what is that and it just smells good this is your sign of vanquished some vacuuming today dude it's sunday let's get our

castle ready crackle dude he's so right though everybody knows that feeling smells so good that shit does rip yeah and you go and it just starts to pop you're like this just tight yeah but the smell it's like the it's like the burnt dusty smell yes oh it's So good. It's fucking so good. I felt this so hard. One of those things that I don't think I've ever heard someone articulate. No.

And as soon as they did, you're like, yeah, dude. That shit is dope. Fucking rips. Yeah. Fucking rips hard. Just rips. Vanquished some vacuuming. You're going into the last week before Christmas.

It's one of the most dangerous times of the year. So I just want to leave everybody knowing that, you know, the Amazon package thieves are out there. Oh, boy. The pig-pocketers are out there. There's basically clowns in every direction. Car break-ins. Hide your shopping bags in your trunk. Lock it up.

And stay ready. Stay ready. Of course, I didn't point out the travel first aid kit. You need that. Handcuffs. All these things you can pretty much get away with if you get pulled over by the police. Some of them might give you a hard time, but, you know, just ask for their name and serial number. You probably get out of it.

Yeah. But I just want everybody out there to just, you know, remember, stay vigilant, get ready, stay alert. Never relax. And I think this is actually what I would call like a day one purchase if I was going to say, how do you stay prepared? This is what I would get day one, and then I would just add to it. You know, obviously we're going to talk about night vision goggles coming up. We're going to talk about weapons, explosives. Well, I didn't see a compass in here either.

How do you even know where North is? This is ridiculous. Maps. Yeah. We didn't get everything we should have gotten, which is, you know, I blame the guys. But there's a lot of stuff that I think is, you know, if you want, unless you just go, oh, I want to die today, you know, then don't get any of this stuff. But if you want to live, I would go in this direction.

I would follow Larry, prepared not paranoid, and get his book. And hopefully we'll be talking to him soon about how to up our game. about staying ready. If he feels safe enough to talk to us. Yeah. Well, we'll be very secure the day he comes in here, extremely. I'll bring in extra security that day. Yeah.

But anyway, hopefully you're listening or watching in a safe environment, maybe a panic room or something of that nature. Lock yourself in a closet. But, you know, stay prepared, stay vigilant, and scan every room left to right, and avoid fires. And that's kind of it for today. But thank you for watching. Thank you for listening.

Anything else, Gene? Stay safe. Stay safe. Stay safe. Stay safe. She has tits, she takes shits, she has tits, she takes shits, she's got tits, and she knows how to use her. Oh me on, she takes shits, hold me on out, and she knows when to do some.

Oh my god. She has tits, she takes shits. She takes shits. Oh shit, okay, okay. Oh shit, okay. Oh, shit, okay. That's how we do it. She has tits.

She takes shits. She takes shits. She takes shits. Oh, man, oh, yeah.