Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Our New Favorite Clip | Your Mom's House Ep.689

Episode Date: January 4, 2023

BINGHOW!! This week, Todd and Christine discuss why they’re nice to unattractive people, the origins of some famous idioms, the celebrities who have gotten the worst plastic surgery, the woman who shot a homeless man who asked her to move her Porsche, and participate in some good old fashioned brown talk. They watch clips of a confrontation in a Starbucks, a woman explaining her face tattoos, Glendale Gary getting arrested, a handful of drunk Cool Guys, a tattooed Charo, a batch of Christina’s TikToks, and more! https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

I got my large drink and I got that, you know what, I was there, not while I was waiting. He sounds like a Looney Tunes character. Behem. Behem. That was what a drunken guy sounds. Behem. Pretty cool. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house.

She's First you gotta have a career and vision He gotta send her flowers on a Tuesday Nowadays I've been like oh Oh, I'm a bad mother because I make crazy ass videos To care about nothing but her fucking night. So whatever come on little side bitch. Let's go get you some self-respect and dignity and a life In the wrong

There it is. Yeah, does take your dick in the wrong place only but goody. Yep. That's a classic. Yep. Take your dick in the wrong How from 2016 wow that that long ago. Yeah. Well, I have to fart you do I'm gonna pee on myself first There it goes I don't want to push too hard. Yeah, take your dick in the wrong hole. Well, I'll just so you know, I hated every moment of that Thanks for You know what? We were discussing this yesterday because you were like I gotta take a shit and I'm like you're you're never not shitting

You're never not either. You're just having shit You're ramping up to take a shit. You just farted on one of the kids and then you're gonna take a shit If it's not you that's ramping up or coming down from a shit. It's one of the kids. Everybody's always I like how you took yourself out of this equation I mean, I just farted that was the first time I've pushed a fart out in front of you and in hours Hours might be accurate. Yeah You're just a absolute you're a brown machine me. I wish my browns have slowed down lately and I don't know why I've been taking my vitamins drinking my vitamin water making even the walking fart where you just walk and fart all the time I did not it's horrible. You do it all the time around the house. Yeah, you're like, all right. Well, I'm gonna go get that you turn

Your fart as you walk I like that And then you go, what's that? Oh, did I say something? It's horrible. Yeah. It's horrible. I hate it so much Oh, stop. I do. I hate it. You don't hate it. I hate it. Don't lie. I know what I hate. I hate it What do you want me to do hold it in and feel? Yes. Yes feel sick Yes, I want you to feel I hate holding in a fart. It's the that to me is like I'd rather be alone I'd rather be divorced than hold in farts honestly

To not be myself to not be free Wouldn't you rather die? No, I'm being serious like I yeah, sign me up. We're a winter week winter Now I was gonna have a fun hypothetical there's a fun hypothetical go ahead. I'm telling you what if One of these one day. I just start going. I don't want to hear your farts anymore or your burps, babe Okay, and you had to seal it up. You had to just hide it all. Yeah I mean, okay, you feel so sad. No Oh stop That's a huge part of your identity. It is not a part of my identity burping and farting. That's all you do

I think you're projecting. I would like you to go 24 hours just to see if you can without barfing or farting in front of me The fact that you're this delusional is terrifying What because you are a 24 hour 365 day a year Sound effect machine of burping and it's all you do I actually hold them in sometimes. No, you do. Oh, I swear to god. I swear to god When picture a time where I didn't fart then

Let's see who can go the longest without burping. I'd love to do this. Okay You just did you just went It's not a burp. No. Is that a burp? No. No. What was that? You went. It's just air leaving my mouth I didn't burp I swear to god. I didn't know but that's how you burp you go. That's not what I did. That's one of yours Okay, let's see who can go the longest So it's on it's on. Okay. And what is the prize or punishment for this to give me cuddles and head scratches for an entire hour You won't hear me far for the rest of my life

Okay, what do you get then blowy central fine Yeah, fine But we're on now. You guys are you guys are referring this. I think we're gonna have a hard time getting through this podcast without podcast you burping Burping is a little more of a challenge. I mean, yeah burp a lot. Yeah, so do you. Yeah, but who burps more tom or me? That's kind of hard to say. I mean I yours register a lot more with me like I react to yours That's because mine are barkier. Maybe there's more of a bark you fart a lot too not as much as you that's not true Not as much as you're no, no, no, no, no, absolutely. You're a liar Oh my god, you're so

Can I tell you something? I wish there were there was a way that we could quantify both our burps Can we hire somebody to follow us around for 24 hours and count our burps? I think that's a huge waste of money I don't think we need to do that. Why it's important. It's important data Let's start the show Which is the third place all it is is being respectful. I was respectful But you came and knocked on the door while I was changing my tampon I yelled and cursed at you because you're telling me I was in there for too long and too long was five minutes While I'm changing my tampon

Who is randy? Oh Oh No, no Oh How do you get a job here your fuck face Uh starbucks always has really interesting employees. We've met a few Um, so this is at a starbucks where the lady is very upset. She's being asked to leave but she was

Mad that the employee was knocking on the door. Well, hold on while she was changing her bloody tampon But he said you're disrespecting our third place. Do you know what that means? Right? Well as a former barista I don't know if I've ever mentioned this. I worked at starbucks in the summer of 1997 San Fernando Valley, yeah, recita and ventura boulevard and um The third place is what starbucks culturally refers to as you have your first place is your home your second place Is your office and the third place is starbucks So people are meant to use starbucks as quote their third place

So he's accusing her of disrespecting their third place. I believe is what's happening Okay, he's not an employee because he is not wearing official starbucks uniform. I believe he is an employee that took off his Shittletator he did yeah Maybe he's getting off of work too and it's like he's doing this as he leaves, you know because how else could he enforce? I'm not letting you do this I think I think he works there, but he's not wearing pants. Okay, so you can either wear khakis Or black pants. Those are kind of khaki. Maybe they are. Yeah, all right. Let's see what's happening Yeah, I've never been checked on at starbucks

I mean that'd be great if you were my personal friend and you wanted to check on me But since I don't know you and you're a stranger I think you should have left me alone when I'm in your toilet and you've already gone in trouble This establishment for not being fair to african-american people and the toilets and now you want to do this to women Oh now it's a women's issue I know you weren't okay, and I know you have no knowledge of it I do have to ask you to leave the property if you don't it's criminal trespassing and you will be prosecuting a lot of enforcement Okay, call the police. Let's call the police. Okay. Okay good because I'd love to tell them

This establishment. Oh, no, I'm not waiting anywhere, but I'm here. I want to use the restroom to change my dad I don't have to do anything except change my except change my tampon. That's what I need to do as a woman Okay, we need to figure out another location. Maybe go to the gas station and have a bathroom. Yeah, I'm not because I came here to do it Mm-hmm. I like this. This is good energy She's got like bedspokery. Yeah, it's good. Well, but I don't I don't know. I kind of feel like you know, he was always wrong um He was always ruining somebody's day Um, but I mean I get it. She's she's trying to change her

I mean the guy was like you're in there a long time. That's kind of weird to begin with You know, uh, this is true because I've been in look I have been at starbucks as obviously as a customer where you wait a long time because someone's really Pushing out a crazy dump in there. Yeah, and you just have to and of course I've you know jiggled the door jiggle But for an employee to be like, what's going on? You're right in there and someone's changing themselves. Like it's like I know but she could be giving off weirdo vibes. She's kind of a weirdo before she went in there And they were like, are you shooting heroin? Yeah, are you starting a fire? Yeah, are you taking drugs lady? And she's and I guess I I guess now

Allowing you to do it. Okay Well, they never were allowing me to do it. Let's just be clear I should have been in here in the first place if they don't allow you to do it No, no, no, I mean when I went to the bathroom I was in the middle of cleaning up blood and he knocked on the door and said I was taking too long And if he could if there was anything that you know, if it was matter, maybe I could hurry up and come out Yeah, I mean I don't know it still sounds to me like I'm still on her side right now

I'm still on her side and of what I know it seems like the employee was uh Overstepping in my opinion Oh my gosh Oh my gosh, it's quite a day at this Starbucks location. Do you understand what happened there? She's like my husband's dying and I'm your argumentative Like tantrum right now is disrupting the little bit of peace that I have It's triggering her and then the guy that threw the lady out of the bathroom came over and consoled her. Oh my gosh

Yeah, he's wearing khaki. By the way, if you're gonna cry like that Could you and you look like that can you do it somewhere else like that was horrible You mean she was unattractive. Yes. Yeah, I agree. Don't get on camera. You know, you're She was so upsetting. She was very ugly crying. Yeah One of the reasons that we actually were hired by the landowner the person who owns the complex is this establishment and a couple of the ones over there the nail swan and the Vietnamese restaurant have a Sting from I am not homeless

I am not homeless. So my problem that they have with homeless people is not my problem Like an asshole. Let's be honest. She does seem kind of like an asshole I've already said no, no, no, no, you're insulting me and you're insulting my womanhood I mean she's she is uh, look, she's a lot. I wouldn't recommend dating her But I do think if she went in there Sounds like she spent money. I believe her. Then you have a right to change your bloody. She takes her time in the bathroom It's like, I mean, I think it feels like they're harassing her a little bit. Could be could be. I don't know. I could be wrong But I will say like when I worked at starbucks, you never we never

Messed with the hobos that would go in there and do drugs and shit like you just let the hobo shit Like you said the power move is right now for the flow of traffic. We'll we'll get them out. Yeah The move right for her right now Is to drop her pants Take her tampon. Yep throw it on the ground Turn around and shit on the floor That is the power move. Yes, that's gangster dude. I could not agree I think you and I finally see eye to eye

And then the people are like, oh my god. She's like, yeah, I'll go fucking find somewhere else to go now And then leave her mess there That's a really you know what tom when you're right, you're right and I think We need to be more inclusive shouldn't there just be like period changing bathroom stations everywhere Yeah, like on the streets like I've changed my pad. There's just be like a pad changing Of course, you call women. You're bleeding out of your pussy holes every month And like people are not being compassionate about that. No, I know there should be more of a structure for us To change our pussy pads and stuff. Yeah, like you said

You're right. Yeah Pretty cool. Oh, let's talk about my chore guys your chore. I'm choreing. I'm going to breast balls beach Uh January 21st and 20th, and then I go to Fat fattison, Texas. How's that at the what did I call it before? I don't remember I don't know February 2nd and 3rd and 4th, and then Portland, Oregon one night March 31st revolution hall April 1st roner park, California, Chicago, Illinois, April 29th, April 30th

Milk cocky, wisconsin, turner hall, and you May 13th browns browns Skip people right now charleston. Yeah, west virginia. Oh, you can see prissy online Missing persons missing persons and by my lipstick. It's really good It's been selling out like crazy and you guys love it and I'm couldn't be happier It's been bonkers bonand nurse bonand curse as they say. Yeah comes from italy It's on back order, but just order it and we'll send it to you the minute we get it in I don't want to go to italy

Your dad never wanted to go outside of america for what? They speak italian don't speak italian Go to museum. You see the painting and you're like, I saw it now. What wow Very cultured very cool. He did keep it real like that. That's one way of describing it. Yeah But he does have a point because I got to be honest with you salami tommy. Yeah If we were to go to parry or italy now Unless we took our children and wanted to show them culture I I have no reason to go into a museum or a church anymore. And this is where we're different

I How are you talking about I've seen enough Okay, I like the tate gallery in london. Yeah, ldn. I would go there Don't care don't care about the louvre anymore. I've seen art. I've seen those fancy art I like to see the new stuff. Okay the fun stuff like cows cut up What's that guy's name at the tate the modern gallery? Famous don't know cutting up cows. What cutting up horses take tate gallery I'm like sectioned up a cow. I saw that in london a long time ago. Really?

Cockney cutting up cows Uh damien hurst, okay. Yes damien hurst the cut up cows. He sectioned them up. I like that kind of art. Okay Rooms full of oil Damien hurst. I like that. Yeah All right, but I don't care about I don't I don't know. Do you want to go look at churches anymore? Church is not so much music art museums. I like like the old timey stuff like oil Oil paintings and such. Uh, sure. Yeah, I'd go to the Yeah, I'd go to the rena Sophia. I'd go to the louvre. Yeah the louvre. Yeah

The louvre Um, well, I'm just not a very good person but the other day I wanted to share this thought with you because I was on the airplane. Yeah And there was a really obese woman sitting next to me like really obese. Okay And she's sitting in the window. I'm sitting in the aisle first class obviously right now And and I'm like, oh, whoa, like she's really big I wonder if she's going to be able to fit in the seat, you know I mean like will she spill over into mine? Yeah, I keep these thoughts to myself, of course

I am thinking these thoughts of like, whoa, how is this going to go down? And I noticed that she's big. She's trying to get her seat belt on she can't And then very quietly and very lovely and discreetly the flight attendant hands her an extender like kind of tucks it in And I was like, that's so nice, right? And then she starts getting into the seat belt extender. Well, what I noticed about myself Is I pretended like I didn't see the flight attendant hand her the extender And then in my head I congratulated myself

For being compassionate Yeah, and like aren't I noble that I pretended to not notice that she's morbidly obese and that and she needed that thing And like I really padded myself on the back And also you tell you tell yourself like good acting job, right? I've done that too. I was like I really sold that Yeah, so good. Yeah, where you like where you see it and then you like Yeah, oh, I missed that totally like I saw that but I sold that so well nobody knows Yeah, and you're like, I'm pretty good

Yeah, I'm a good person. Yeah, like I totally padded myself on the back for being like This really compassionate high-minded nice person who like did I didn't want to further her shame? Yeah I'll tell you another one I do I uh sometimes I'll compliment a woman but only if she's notably unattractive And uh, and then I'll be like that was a really nice gesture. Yeah, you really did something good. Yeah Yeah Yeah, but do you do it to feel good about yourself? Well, I can tell that like she's not getting it, you know So, uh, I'll do that and then I'll be like that's a good job. That was really nice of you, you know

I totally do that too Or like if there's somebody in a wheelchair in public coming at me Oh, yeah And like I don't look at the fact that they don't they're missing a leg or something. Yeah, and I'll like intentionally like Uh, I look not stare at it and I'll be like look how I'm good of a person I am that I didn't even look over there Like I wanted to look and see what they were missing or what was going on But I didn't because I'm so noble

The other one I do is I'll treat somebody with a disability like just like a person I'm serious Like I'll go out of your way. Yeah, I'll be like, hey, do you know what time it is? And they're like, oh, you know, it's it's 1 30 and I'll be like, oh, thanks man I just don't want to miss this and the whole time I'm like, um, look at what like the gesture of like making them feel like You want to talk to I don't want to talk to them, but I know that That they're not getting talked to a lot, you know, so I'm and then I'll leave and I'll be like

I made that person think that I just randomly started a conversation I was trying to give them a little dose of humanity, you know Yeah, and I'll be proud of myself like the rest of the day Me too You deserve a treat Well, yeah, like, okay, so there was this guy that had like real like pretty ass burgers that I met the other day And I treated him like a normal person. Yeah, and I felt really and I was like, oh really like tell me more about that Yeah, yeah, yeah interested in or whatever and like I'm really listening. Yeah

It's so selfish I'm like am I just like I'm I am being nice So that's a win that then am I or am I a piece of shit because I'm sitting here congratulating myself about What a great person I am like what's the motivation, you know You know exactly how you feel but are we pieces of shit because well, yeah, but We're still doing the right thing in each of those scenarios Right like you're doing the right thing But then you're not supposed to admit that you get a zing out of like

Being a high-minded. No, but I mean it's a good feeling, right But I'm my piece of shit for having that good feeling No, you're not a piece of shit for having that good feeling, but you know I mean basking in it a little bit. I do. I'm like, I'm so good. Yeah, I do the same thing. I do the same thing It feels right. It feels good It does Yeah, because I was so proud of myself that I treated that obese woman like a regular. Yeah person, you know Yeah, you know the the danger by the way when I compliment the unattractive woman. Yeah

Is that She'll be like, oh, let's continue this conversation. I'm like, I really did the good deed. I did the nice thing Yeah, you got enough. Yeah Yeah, I don't want to be friends. I'm not trying to ask you out. I was trying to be a decent person Yeah, because that could definitely happen. Yeah, or she's like, oh my god, this guy's like this guy's really into me. Uh, no No, you're just being nice. Yeah. Yeah. I go. Oh, that's a lovely sweater. Yeah, and she's like, thank you And I'm like, yeah, I just made your day and then she's like, where are you flying to and you're like, oh boy dog, yeah

Not where you're going. Believe me Yeah, anyway, I thought you'd like that because I was like That was such a dark feeling after I was like, why am I proud of myself for not? I'm proud of myself. Not proud of myself for like not like pretending like I didn't see that. Yeah, very cool because I You know me. I have a hard time hiding any kind of emotions or thoughts I think that's really what I'm mostly proud of is like I for once I didn't Like I hid an emotion. I actually didn't say the fucking thing. I'm always thinking like an autistic person

Like I actually just fucking like Do you think I'm on the spectrum a little A little bit They might be So three years ago. I'm at the sky. I thought I was in love I moved away with him after I just got clean off a heroin um I started doing other

Drugs, uh, he told me if I wanted to be with him that I'd get my face tattooed cool guy Went and got my face tattooed got clean Uh, he went to jail. I went to jail Uh, we stopped seeing each other damn um Fast forward to like a year after I got clean. I uh asked my parole officer I said, hey, what do you think about me getting my uh tattoos removed and she was like, I don't even see him

But do whatever you want So here I am Yeah, your parole officer lied to you about that. Um, I don't even see him and just for you guys listening This poor woman has the dia de los muertos Skull eyes and then the lips like stitch the stitches and the forehead tattooed and then on her neck is like a biohazard It's a lot and this is all drogas. That's the thing heroin is the best, but it also makes you Make some bad decisions sometimes how how long the bath blood is not good. It's not good for you But it does feel the best for you. I bet it sure does. Yeah

Because I've done because isn't oxys oxys early heroin in medical pill form, right? It's opioids Yes, yes same shit different toilet. Yeah. Yeah. It's good stuff. It's the shit. It's so good. Um, don't pull this up yet I'll read this first Uh, this is just a cool story. Um police say 26 year old Katie quackenbush shot a homeless man Gerald Melton 54 After he complained about loud music and exhaust fumes from her Porsche While he was trying to sleep on a sidewalk at 3 a.m. First of all, good for you, Katie Um police say that after a loud argument quackenbush got out of her vehicle with a gun and shot Melton twice in the

Abund before leaving the scene Quackenbush claims Melton threatened her life. I believe it and she was defending herself Melton suffered critical injuries, but survived. She will not serve jail time What was ordered to serve nearly a full year probation for misdemeanor reckless endangerment after having initially been charged with Attempted murder and we have the uh, they got that bummed down to a misdemeanor. Look at her. She doesn't look very What's the word? I'm like repentant bothered. Yeah How did she get that knocked down to a misdemeanor? She shot a man. Oh, no She has a

Porsche, which is very cool gosh I wish they had more details on what model and uh, what color? Yeah Yeah Was it a panamera? I do like those also the nerve the balls of this man to be like your exhaust fumes are bothering me While I sleep fucking move I know he's homeless keep going keep it moving keep it moving quackenbush Oh, she went brunette for her trial smart. Oh, that's her there

Oh, I apologize to the victim during her sentencing, but also played the victim saying she's been mocked online Yeah, I feel bad for you keep going down There she is. She's pretty. She's very pretty Uh and a mom of four Wow, oh she's got four kids. Yeah, that's maybe why oh there it is scroll down. It was an suv Oh, so she had like a macan or a cayenne. I thought we were talking 9 11 fuck her Hold on Melton is the homeless man, right? Melton and quackenbush got into a heated argument during which the woman allegedly asked if the man quote wanted to die tonight

Melton testified in court that he was walking away when quackenbush Exited her car and fired two shots striking him in the abdomen. Shit Quackenbush then got back in her Porsche and drove with a passenger to taco bell before heading home Oh, wow, she's cold as fuck. Yeah, neither. She nor her companion and initially reported the shooting to the police Melton survived the shooting but required three surgeries prosecutor said Quackenbush was arrested and indicted on charges of attempted first degree murder And aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. So she got it down from first degree But then she got the jury found her guilty of reckless endangerment a misdemeanor

What after oh, but so she really sold that she was scared of her that's that's what happened And she's a mom and her father who was an attorney previously To kill his daughter if she did not lower the vehicle volume My daughter told him I have a gun get the fuck away from me She pulled out she pulled off one round as a means of warning Not intending to kill her or hid him. She thought she pointed the gun far away enough from him just to scare him at the sentencing Prosecutors questioned quackenbush claimed that she was afraid of Melton saying and eyewitness heard the women say she was not frightened of the man

But did not take the words seriously Wow So, yeah, this is uh Oh, hold on Assistant district attorney. Amy blah blah also brought up quackenbush's Disturbing history of making threats against others in one instance The woman admitted to threatening to hit a baby with a brick In another case quackenbush poured water on a woman in a restaurant

Okay quackenbush apologized to melton for her actions But also sought to present herself as a victim claiming she's been ridiculed has received debt threats And has struggled to find work. I mean scroll back to the top by the way How did she get out of this? There's something else I wanted to say here and that is that the other headlines are go back Are awesome. Illinois high school students attacks a boy with Down syndrome Prominent DeSantis donor dies in apparent suicide during sexual. What's that one? Is that there's a lot of fun going on in the new york post? I know um, what is this

a prominent DeSantis donor Dies during sexual misconduct probe. Oh, oh, oh, so he killed himself during the probe I thought it was during a sexual encounter and I was like pull it up Oh All right, very interesting kent Sturman 50 it was found dead in a truck He had been reported missing by his wife Sturman was under investigation for alleged sexual misconduct at the time of his death. All right, so he was just shamed

I mean, can you I'm just still thinking about How you manipulate a jury is crazy to also part of it is that you're an attractive woman and there's a crazy homeless guy Oh, yeah, and she's a mother of four. She's like, I was so scared and then there's an eyewitness going she said I'm not scared of you But then look at the picture of her when she was arrested scroll up again Does that look like a terrified mother of four defending herself? Her eyes are barely open. She's that's because that taco bell is still digesting She looks pretty fucking aloof Corito the burrito crunch like

Pretty hammered right now I just shot a guy. She's poured water. She's threatened to hit a baby with a brick. Yeah. Yeah sounds like a cool lady Can you reach out to her? Turns out she's a pretty cool girl. She's part of the cool girls club Mm-hmm Very cool. Wow. Yeah, it's pretty wild Yeah Let's see. Wait. So this lady on tiktok is going to have those

Dia de los muertos tattoos removed But can they remove them from your eyelids and under your eye that had to have been really painful Very painful and I think the treatment to remove them is painful, but I'll add worth it It's definitely worth it. If you can even get it off fully. I mean Can you even get to a place where you look somewhat normal? I don't know. That's a poor woman. Your weekly reminder that David Walter won on twitter Is waiting for Your weather related questions

Everybody in the toms gara basement club head on over to twitter at david Wolt er the number one and he is looking For weather questions only serious weather questions only Prefers them dm'd not in the comments go ahead and leave them in the comments Just your weekly reminder guys, you will get this update once a week for the remainder of this podcast's existence I love when these people have no idea what they've stepped into it's your fault you started you kick the hornet's nest, buddy You're done, buddy You don't even know what the mummies are capable of David

Man Oh speaking of Yeah, I wanted to bring this up. I found this in my um dms This this lady wrote to me Joe here's joe on instagram in the uk when we learn to drive We have to have an r plate on our cars for the first year and can't do over 45 miles an hour Isn't that suck you can't go over 45 miles an hour in the uk and you have an r plate on your car

Everybody knows you're an r That's pretty wild I can't believe they do that they just call you retarded the first year you drive me Big r. Yeah, what does that mean capital r means retarded but it does not restricted Restricted okay, but that was pretty funny. I thought that was pretty great. That is pretty great. Um I got a fun one for you here. Sure. Do you remember this guy? Hello, excuse me Can I talk to you please girl

Life feels like hell without a girlfriend So I want to talk to always think about to make me a better person and to bring the best out of me And to enjoy the best for every young years to because I'm what I'm trying to sweat girl I want to lose some face fat so I can look sexy There's nothing wrong with being a horny girl. It's part of life. Everyone's different And he posts gosh this versions of this video non-stop Everywhere and it's always the same thing. I talked to you for a second beautiful And he's like we're gonna have hardcore passionate sex

And it's always that and you write in my Mercedes and he just does it over and over. I got a thick and pink dick It's hard like a rock girl. I want you to jack it off, baby and kiss my neck here you girl And I'll kiss your neck here you too girl. It's very specific with your hair girl And grip my hands on your thighs, baby and rub it up and down. He doesn't blink. Yeah, it's very it's a good sign. Um We got the very exciting news That our buddy was uh on ivar in hollywood ran a red light I'm sorry to hear you. I'm sorry. Are you gonna listen or are you gonna talk? Okay, you're gonna listen. I'm giving you a citation for taking that red light. You're a suspended driver of life

You have a suspended driver's license Okay, I'm giving you a ticket for that. You should not have a dragon up here. Okay So I guess he ran a red light. He has a suspended license can't be driving That man has been arrested before when we stand like that, you know exactly what the fuck did you've been processed Oh, yeah If you're listening his feet are about like four feet apart. He's just like go ahead pat me down stretch me out I don't care about being famous all that shit means nothing to me You can't record me take a picture all that shit is nothing to me

We're all a bunch of fucking assholes Can't judge you motherfucker. I got a respectful line Of course Okay, I guess he did I mean it's gotta be someone to recognize him obviously Well, he's in los angeles. This is where he's known. He's glendale gary. Yeah, everybody knows He's straight a little bit from glendale on ivar. It's not too far Oh boy, look at that face. Yeah It's not a blinker this guy that little oh

crazy town I wonder if he's a good boyfriend because I think that's He's gonna have to let himself as our next hope Yeah What's up with you baby girl? Oh, there you go. George. Oh me George Yeah He imagined the thing about him is if you made the just a moment of weakness where

You say yes to uh You know a drink with this guy. Oh my god, you know, I mean your stock He's gonna happen to have that one moment where he's like when I have lunch or whatever and you're like, yeah And you go and you're like, well, that was nice and then he's like I'll be there tonight too And you're like, no, I'm good and then he's just like He starts rocking back and forth. Yeah. Yeah, and all that to you and you're like, um Because he's definitely suffering from something something's going on. He'll stalk you. He's gonna be in front of your apartment. I love you, baby girl Yeah, I'm like, oh no, Gary. Did you inject me off today girl? Yeah, I know I know

Fucking gary's out front Doing his shit the same fucking shit. Why did I give this guy my fucking phone? His same fucking armo speech he gives us every fucking week. Yeah That's fucking asshole. This guy. I'm sure law enforcement is familiar with him. Maybe not this group, but somebody in this Yeah, yeah, Glendale knows Glendale atwater village knows who he is. Yeah, for sure He's a fucking menace. Yeah God totally is God

What a fucking driving with a suspended license. That's pretty ballsy. No, I mean Yeah, I mean, you're always you're rolling the dice if you have a suspended license Of course, and then he runs a red light yikes. Yeah. Yeah, bad news bears homie It could go it could go really far south if you Yeah, depending on the cop too, they could really I mean a suspended license they can do I don't even know if they're taking him in. It sounds like they were just citing him and towing his car They can take you in. Of course. Yeah. Yeah, that's not good. Yeah, I wouldn't be driving on that Yeah, you can just go you can get pulled in anytime. Especially in california, right?

See what I was going to do was get me a two liter coca cola That's gonna go out to liquor store and get me a small bottle, you know, just a little big bottle and carry around Well, here's how I do I go to I go to that McDonald's I get me a large coke Then I drink some of that off and then I gotta buy like five me rob a bank and you go out to liquor store and you know, I get me a little bottle I take off I do I put me a little bit in my cup Then I ride around a little bit. What do you have? Yeah, this is one of your finds. No, that's not a big one. I don't know, is that?

I don't think so. Yeah, he's just sent in a master of accents type deal But he's got the fan. He's got holes in his brain check Like big holes You know that, right? Of course. I know that No, he's completely fucked. There's a lot of missing things and a lot of gaps How do you get that? You know what I did? That's the girl I wanted just a large drink to go. It was okay. So I went to pull money out

I left my pipe in my pocket. Well, it crashed through the countertop I not so I could pick it up put it back in my pocket Now when in mother pocket with my bills were and guess what, you know what? What? My medicine was in there too. He hit the counter And we go, girl, I'm sorry about that. She goes, that's okay I got my large drink and I got that. You know what? I was there and I went, oh yeah He sounds like a loony tunes character So much drinking so much drinking. Do you think that's just alcohol that does it to you? Yeah

But how much? Well, there's not a lot of reading in his life, but there is there's plenty of booze How much booze is it like a leader you're drinking like a it's consistency too. He's been drinking for 55 years I mean I don't think there's any days off. No days off, you know, no days off. No days off Yeah, just grinding just grinding that those that booze every day At his pipe, he said so he's smoking some smokes drinks takes things pills

Needle Needle He's got a date This guy's got a date. He's got a date. I can't believe he's got a date He's got a date. Yep. Yeah. Well, there's someone for everybody That was a drunk guy sounds Pretty cool I think I should put these on my Burt page

I think these are good for Burt I have a Burt page. Is this how Burt's gonna end up? Is that what you're saying? Well, I don't know Burt Christinger Burt Krishna Two-layer Bruce kreiser Behem. Really? Behem Behem. Two-layer

All right, okay Oh, we got this guy's I'm glad we know this guy's name. His name is Dwayne Crawford. Of course. Dwayne Dwayne. Dwayne. Wait, is it Coca-Cola? Is that what you're saying? I got two-layer I got two-layer Dumb sounds yeah That's fucking retarded Yeah

Yeah, oh fuck that was funny, you know what's um, what's cool also that I thought about was um Do you remember this guy? Hey, don't do that man. Don't for real don't tattoo your forehead You really tattooed your forehead Oh no It's so drunk He looks cool fucking ripped bro. He looks good. He's on his way Hairline Geez how ripped you have to be pretty drunk

To your face bro. Yeah Isn't that cool? That's his face homie. Yeah, he's got the square root of 87 there faded or not. It's an eight ball It's pretty awesome um Yeah, there's one we find this other one I got for you Well, there's that guy. Say what I was going to do. Go get me a two-layer Coca-Cola What do you think makes it a great talent? Yeah

Yeah That's just Yeah There That's wild That's wild he speaks English It gets me every time Okay, yeah, that's just drunk tell me if you think this is a good idea or not. We're going to go with the Jarvis

Yeah You know, there's another There's another one from that era of a big fat drunk Irish guy remember him He's the one who's like that they did the the vocal fry Song from That's how he talks he's like I'm gonna throw up Isn't that crazy

Yeah Well, it makes me laugh so hard because like that's just booze it's just booze you fuck your own Brain up that hard that you can't even talk anymore. Yep like babe. I'm being realistic Is this like how much alcohol does this take? I mean, I don't know the exact Amount but it's a lot. What I'm trying to say is is two glasses of wine a night gonna do this to me possibly Possibly. Yeah, will I be okay? Because this is horrible. It's a lot God, I wish I still had that guy Oh

He's swimming he's fine, babe. What? I don't I think he's just drunk too I don't think he's drunk, baby. You know something's going on here. Yeah, something's going on. You're drinking too much You don't think he's drinking? No, baby. Why? Why do you think he's drinking? Uh, I don't know I don't know. Yeah, he's super drunk. You got it I don't know. I don't know. You know, why do you think that guy's drunk? He's just fucking idiot. Okay. All right

Ah, you're saying it a bad hotel. I can tell though. Yeah, it's not great It's not great It's not a good one. No, it's not fancy No, anyway. Yeah, alcohol will do it too. You've been drinking a lot Oh This is your future Drinking a lot. Yeah, what what have I been doing? You've been drinking like that. No, I have not That is not me

Babe The holidays sweetie is the holidays. No, I know I had to drink to deal with your relatives. You know what I mean the relatives I don't blame you. How do you stay sober around, you know family? I think that's really tough Yeah, you have to listen as fit as we are You have to a lot for alcohol consumption over the holidays. You have to comfort yourself somehow It's a lot. I can't stay sober with kids and there's more family coming. Oh, no. Yeah Oh, no

What do you mean? Well Shit, it's the holidays. I know Yeah Anyway, I'll lighten the mood. You guys want to hear a cool pigetski effect. Sure There's two of them actually this one I got as a dm from r.e arise

I know this says hi mommy She says that she loves us You're true the best so my whole life. I've always hated to wash my legs In the shower Because when you bend down to do so the water would run on your face and that's always bothered me I don't really know why but it just does. Do you understand what she's saying? Yeah, if you bend over then all the water goes into your eyes and into your ears and your face, okay? Um, so most of the time I just wouldn't wash my legs and that's pretty nasty

Today it hit me that I could just lift my legs up and be able to reach them just fine without bending over I'm 39 it's totally changed my shower game and I will no longer have nasty unwashed legs. Jesus I love that. That was pretty fun because I'm pretty sure I do the same thing and I'm like But I can't wash my legs because the water does in my eyes. Yeah But I don't really wash my legs. Yeah, I'm not a big leather washer I feel like it just all the soap goes down there and it's fine and basically your thighs get some residual crotch soap Yeah, yeah, that's fine. You're like, all right legs here, but I gotta bend down Wash behind my knees. I don't do that. Do you guys do that?

Who does that trickle down? Yeah, it's not necessary. I just shampoo my hair and then everything else is like, all right I'll get the pits and that's it. You do it all any I got some nasty s-feet, huh? You get down there and scrub them. Of course They're dirty man. That's like the dirtiest part of your fucking body one of them It's nasty man, especially all the Okay, here's what you're actually washing down. I ain't the soap. It's the fucking dirt that you're Washing down right on your feet. You ain't gonna do nothing about that. Oh my god. You would think about that And he's right

He's right. You're standing in a pool of your own dirty It goes down the drain Yeah, but he's right that it's the dirties and you're standing and then you pee in the obviously everyone peas in the shower And then you pee on those feet and stuff, you know pee in the shower I'm just not saying everybody does that, you know, that's it's not like a normal you pee in the shower Oh, I pee in the shower. I do. Yeah, I practically would take a dump in the shower if I could I just Okay, I don't wash my legs

But I do understand her line of thinking because I've bent over to shave my legs I only do Leg or foot washing If there is something specific like like I said, you step on tar at the beach, you know I gotta yes, but like on a regular day. I'm not like I gotta scrub my calves and my no I don't do my I do wash my feet when I do pedicures and I like to keep them clean Sure, but it's not every day. I guess I am nasty like that I don't care. Um, so that's one pitch it to you fact and then this one

You heard the phrase brass tacks. Yeah, how would you spell that nadoff brass tacks? Have you heard the phrase I have down to brass tacks. Uh-huh. How would you spell that? b r a s s space t a x Tom, what do you think? That's how I would spell it too down to brass tacks. And what do you think that means? brass tacks the the

the num like the bear let's get down to like the The amount that this is about like what's the I'm not articulating it well, right like the bottom line Okay, so I was reading A uk publication today. What's the real costs of this, right? Right. Yeah, which you're right. That is The meaning but did you know that it was spelled brass b r a s s? tax t a c k s brass

tax So back when they would make measuring fabric easier, right? Fabric measures owners would hammer brass tacks at common intervals A yard Half yard and quarter yard So after the customer picked the cloth the clerk would say something like okay, I'll measure So let's get down to brass tacks Literally and I thought my whole life. It was t a x as well. It's I read it today. You also Changed my mind. It's really your fucking mind, huh? That's one of those things where you hear and you go

Yeah Yeah Yep Real Real mino, but brass tacks is like yardage. Yeah, it's not money That's how you get there. Wow. Yeah, so you put tacks in like some material message us in no I was reading like a uk newspaper and they used the phrase brass tacks and I was like, oh my god My whole life. I've been saying, you know what the whole nine yards is from

Football no, oh no, it comes from Loading the weapons the the putting like Ammo into like world war two planes So when they would land on like an aircraft carrier They would say load them up how much the whole nine yards

So the whole nine yards was fill it up all the way with ammo with ammo. Yeah Wow, and the dog's tits, of course, is a British expression from world war two as well from Winston Churchill No, yeah, because he was a dog who had tits. No, it was about the fact that the like farms and everything was being bombed So you couldn't get milk from the traditional sources So the dog's tits was meant to mean The next best source of getting the thing you need Shut the front door And Winston Churchill came up with that one that guy was cool

I really liked him. Do you know that he was such a lazy fat that he would work from bed and from his bathtub? And he was just like, look, I'm a fat fuck. I like to lay in my tub and lay in my bed. Who adores him is uh Bertrand Oh, of course. He celebrated Winston Churchill day. Oh, cool. Yeah, he did because he's he liked well It's a day where you can you're supposed to like sit in bed because his day was like bed. Yeah Uh, he would have a cigar a whiskey uh eggs toast sausage Then get out of bed then smoke again. I love it. Then have so he does it when Bert does it once a year. I think I love him

I like and he lived long didn't he live long? Yeah, and he was a good prime minister. He was he was an actual leader Yeah, I guess they say I don't know. I mean people I guess they're anomalies, but you look at Someone like that and you're like, I guess you can really push it. Yeah 90 90 years old and a guy that just ate sausage and smoked and drank every day It's a lot of its genetics. Yeah, he really is I mean, I've said it before I've relatives and hungry that's five six. I realized he was always tiny little buddy Tiny little tiny king as they say a short king. Yeah Yeah

Yeah, it doesn't matter sometimes And then people are in good health have aneurysms and drop dead. It's crazy, right? I knew somebody that had an aneurysm and died at 21. No. Yeah. It was a model Damn, he was my mom's friend's son. That sucks. Mm-hmm One time with dr. Drew. I was like, am I gonna have an aneurysm? Am I gonna die? I have a stroke and he's like Christina There's signs. Okay. There's a there's things that happen before you have an aneurysm. You don't just have one and die It's not gonna happen to you. It's not likely. You know, it's like, okay

And this was many years ago this happened to this kid, but so young 21 Yeah What are the signs for an aneurysm? Let's look so that we don't have one Fuck I want you to know that I haven't burped or farted this entire podcast. No nausea and vomiting stiff neck blurred or double vision sensitivity to light

seizure a drop a drooping eyelid loss of consciousness confusion In addition to severe headache, those are some signs and symptoms of a ruptured aneurysm God damn it. Yeah, this kid died in the shower. Oh It's heartbreaking. Yeah life is so cruel. Yeah, he had everything going for him and he was hot He was a good-looking kid modeling. Yeah So lucky and he was on a national championship football team. Dang. Yeah Pretty wild well

Thanks for bringing us up Tom You brought up aneurysms you know Do you want to look at celebrities with bad plastic surgery? Sure Apropos our discussion on your mom's house live. Yeah, if you missed the live we got into the fact that uh, everyone's good, buddy What's this tip shit named Simon cow? Yeah He used to look like a guy and then he started having

Fucking shit done to his face. It's just the craziest place to do it You know when you change your face Especially by the way, if you have um Like not a bad start to begin with I know it's one thing like I remember this fucking donkey face girl in uh Jesus high school who had donkey face. Yeah, she's like a donkey came to life and She had plastic surgery at a very young age. She needed it. Okay. She looked like that's the best time to do it Is like 13 years old to get your nose job and everything. She looks no, it's true. That's what Jewish girls did in LA

You didn't notice that Don't tell me you didn't know that in between seventh and eighth grade All the fucking the girls got their bat mitzvah and then you get your nose done. That's like standard issue la Can't confirm a lot of Jewish girls. Thank you. Go ahead Tom. Okay. Well This broad did it and everybody was like, thank you You don't have to look at this thing anymore and You know, but this guy he just looked like a normal guy Right like Simon Cowell. Just look if you didn't if he wasn't famous

So he was like describe this man. You'd be like, I don't know a regular guy full head of hair nice enough face And he's like I need to be fucking this guy and then Just looks all crazy now like oh Oh I can't stop thinking about it and like what did he do here because it's all

I don't know. It's all weird. He just got weird on everybody, you know We'll get weird. Fuck dude. He didn't have to That's what i'm saying and the guy on the left much more normal looking guy. What did he do? Any fucking way Oh, yeah, that's a crazy one mickey roark So he was like a Hollywood Fuck Like a sex symbol hotty a hotty just banging whatever he wanted

He also decided to become a boxer So he got into like really got into like taking fights real fights Became obsessed with boxing Basically left acting doesn't even slightly resemble. No what it used to look like pretty crazy. It's unrecognizable So but he also has something where he may have done some things for his own Cosmetic purposes, but then also some of this might be facial reconstruction from getting his face. I think so I think because I I was obsessed with this for a minute the mickey roark one Yeah

Because he was so beautiful when I was a little girl He was just this big sex symbol and I couldn't believe how different he looks So, yeah, some of that is from getting his nose smashed as a fighter. I read so they had to reconstruct that Even the way his mouth is shaped now. It doesn't it's so crazy. He went for the bright bright bright bright bright veneers Which I have to say guys Don't get veneers Just for like Hey, I think I want my teeth look like like they're really awful

I I only have the front two done because I knocked half of one of my teeth out as a kid and I have to have fake teeth But I would never recommend doing it. It's extremely painful And not very good. They just pop out at Randall Very they're terrible. Don't get veneers if you can avoid it. Don't do it Oh, I know She was gorgeous I know And what she did I think this is just more

Really resisting aging like yeah, she's probably aging just fine. But it's like This is Courtney Cox if you're listening that we're looking at and It just seems like It just stands out as not natural That's the thing because you want your facelifts and And your cosmetic stuff to look somewhat natural and this just doesn't look like it at all I think what happens

So I've learned that the cheeks when they get real round like that that's too much filler And you look like chip chipmunk cheeks. So that's that's overfill And then the lips once you start on lips. Yeah, I think it's just too maybe too much And her forehead's probably not moving anymore either. Oh, no, no that hasn't moved in a decade or two. Yeah You look crazy. Yeah. Oh Donatella Versace Yeah, this one's crazy too But this one you kind of saw coming. I'm not surprised at Donatella Versace. Well, she's Versace Yeah, like this one you this is a total miami typical broad crazy town

But look at the eyes like what did she do there and the lips like the shape of Everything. Yeah So different. Very crazy. Very crazy. Oh, that one's the darkest. That looks good. He looks good On the right there. I mean it looks like the same guy just had like a little touch Done. Yeah, that's full body dysmorphia complete, you know, complete psychological nightmare Where you don't want to even resemble in the least bit who you were before. No, I mean there's skin bleaching the nose Look at the nose. And remember when he said that he never had anything done. I've never had anything done Yeah, he told like Martin Bashir like I've never had anything done. I know somebody who's had a number of

Surgeries. Yeah, who will look you in the eye and say the same thing and you're like, okay Famous person. I'll tell you. Please do Yeah, this one's scary. And here's the thing is that how do plastic surgeons? How do you destroy Michael Jackson's nose like how are you the guy? Here's how he fucking sits you down and is like, I love it Like keeps telling you and you're like, you know, your nose is gonna he's like, no, that's what I want And it's it's the guy telling you this is my dream Because the problem of being as famous as he is Is that there's always going to be someone to go sure I'll do it

That's a problem. You can just buy it and like they were like if you went in and you're like, I want this nose You're like, is the fuck I am not ruining your face And like the cleft he put the cleft in the chin, which is always interesting to make his face more I guess masculine and everybody thought Michael Jackson was like a handsome dude. He was fine. Yeah Like I would say that's why it's all in his it's all in his head the beat it. Okay beat it Michael Jackson. Yeah So adorable Billy Jean Michael Jackson adorable And then by bad it starts to go off the rails then the nose is too thin

He gets pastier and weirder the lips get redder there gets longer it goes But I would say Billy Jean is yeah, there's maria. What not maria presley priscilla presley Yes, she was gorgeous too. And then she did way too much shit Fuck dude, I would just rather look old than look weird. You have to choose between old and weird That's it. Either you're older. You're weird. There's no way around it. Yeah Fuck dude. She was gorgeous. Oh, yeah, raleigh. Oh done. Yeah, rest in peace. Oh, yeah, he's dead. He died earlier this year Fuck Karen

Karen Karen it's all the money we had He does have good hair though even there in the crazy face. Yeah So what did he do? His eyes look It's all not good. Yeah, what did he do filler? There's injectables They had a real fucking mug on him too. Yeah, he was considered sexy, but he still wasn't like traditional No, handsome, you know, he was like rugged like he looked like he'd been to jail Yeah, he's a bad boy. Look, but then he got fucking cosmetic surgery

Softens what happens when the men get cosmetic surgery it can soften their faces I've heard like it'll make you it'll feminize you when they get like I see the eyes angled It's way too feminine and they put filler in his face. It's way fat. Don't let me do this shit Okay, never bro. Don't let me do it. Okay. I show up one day. I'm like Welcome to your mom's house I don't know I think it'd be very cool. Very cool. Yeah, very very cool But I do think the secret is to stay thin because when you get all you gotta choose

That's what you choose. Fuck you choose one of two things. You know what they are What your face Yeah, or your body right with fat with fat if you want to look Not as wrinkled you got to have a little bit of fat on you. Yeah, I know if you want your body to stay rocking But you are just like I'll be wrinkled Then you you lose the fat, right? You got to do one thing. You got to pick one and you can't do drugs And you can't drink a lot. You can drink some you can drink you can drink like, you know I drink like that you drink like that

And then you're fine. Yeah You can't drink like that If you drink that amount, yeah, you'll your body will fall everything will fall apart. It's fun It's interesting. You do have to pick face or bod I think it really starts to happen You really got to make the choice like in your 60 like that's when it's I mean some people obviously make the choice well before But if you have the like, you know, you can start going like I'm just going to let these wrinkles settle in I'm wrinkled. I'm old

I take care of my body I lost the bat rock Bam She lost man, maybe stretch your jaw out a little bit Where's that chick from last week? Damn it Damn it

So defeated I'd still say thin is better no matter what because you'll live longer because you don't see many old fatties Out in the world. You got to stay thin. It's just better for you Who cares how you look? No one wants to fuck you anyway when you're that old. Yeah, you're done Who cares who's banging Ray Liotta when he looks like that anyway, probably a couple PAs Fine some trash hounds I was like, you know, what are you you're in college bend over You're in college? Yeah, I'm Chantix. I'm chewing gum

Chantix you ever see good fellas? What's that? Come here. Come here. Get on your knees Chantix come on come on bend over spread your cheeks What's wrong with you? Uh Somebody said that they have uh sent me A version of tatted up Charo in here. Oh, yeah, that's fine. I haven't seen this. Have you seen this? Yes It's pretty great. It's pretty great It does look like

The lips it's all the oh, I can't wait to show her mom. What did you do this? I That was right before she took $10,000 for me. Oh my god Do you know what I got your mom for Christmas? What's that? It's like a full blowout kit like from that company drybar Yeah, it's a full like a special hairdryer special hair products like just to help her with that mop. No, it looks great Her hair looks cool. Yeah shrimp Do you need help putting your groceries in your car?

That's what she looks like welcome to Randall's Yeah, fuck Yeah, she does look like a little hard word out there. Yeah, she does It's the totally the haircut too like I think is it someone just put a bowl on her head and then cut around it You can't do that. She's a woman. She found somebody that do does get their house Uh doesn't cut hair for a living and doesn't like the lights turned on And she's like I do. Can you believe I got this for $65 cut color and I'm like, yeah, I do believe it It's terrible. Yeah, it looks you look like shit. Yeah. Yeah, it does look like not good

Not good, bro. Yeah, charo. Don't be retarded. Well, maybe you shouldn't be with your haircuts Do these brush it I need to help her. Yeah, she's all it helps you can get Yeah, and I bought her bras like a few years ago. She's not wearing those Why not? She says it's too tight. It's too tight. I'm like, go get just go get the different size up get fitted for it. Yeah Take us by her stomach. Yeah her She told me that when she dies that

Or I'll try I'll be a part of the team that tries to change her for some reason like, you know get her dressed for the funeral Oh, no, and then her tits will be tucked into her stomach And it will have trouble taking and then she was like and then you can tell your fans And they were all love. Ah, haha Her tits are in her stomach This is her stuff and I was like, yeah, it's good stuff, mom. Yeah, I'm sure they'll all be loling I tried it You did I did. Yeah, I tried it at the show that she came to and they liked it. They liked it

I actually know what I did I go, uh I was talking about my dad and I go, you know, my mom died And the audience was like, I go she died earlier today. Yeah And then I was like, I'm just kidding. She's here She's here. Yeah, and then I was like, no, she called me and and then I told the story of how she called me and said I bet you can't wait till I die so you can talk about it on stage Oh, and then then everyone laughed. I go. Yeah, I guess she was right. You guys seem to like it a lot So I was like, come on mom

I wonder too and they You know when they embalm you and stuff like how would her boobs Look, I don't know like do they fill them up? I don't think so They don't think they know we got to fill these tits Well, it's someone flattering if they lay you on on your back and then they're just flat pancakes They got to put some fluid in there to make them look nice That's true. They should they should yeah I don't know. I'm just curious how many cc's I'm gonna get

I should probably negotiate that I'm sure we can get somebody that works at a funeral home online figure it out Give me a nice full c nothing bigger than a c. I don't want to horrify people So if your tits droop, you're like, well, give me a little lift Exactly because you don't want total pancakes because you're laying on your back. It's not flattering I've seen your mom laying on her back a lot like in her not dead yet. Not dead But it's not it's not flattering for any woman. My goodness. Well, you know, there's a couple secrets to this. What's that? Well, it's funny you ask Is the triangle of beauty

Oh What happens as we age? Oh christ is our eyes closer together all this Frufru down here comes down and we get wider down at the bottom and Slimmer through here where we want chuggy chuggy

I want chuggy cheeks I like her the triangle metaphor doesn't Work, right? I don't know the triangle had nothing to do with that She just put her face through a stupid paper. He just looks so grossed out Chuggy cheeks. You don't want to kiss old chuggy cheeks. You don't want to kiss chuggy cheeks to them? No I would love to force you on a date with her Very cool, tom. Thank you. I wish you she had to sit on your face

What are we doing? What I'm doing Is turning the triangle of beauty this way And taking my face Back to a more useful shape. How does the triangle fall along? I've got my page is full of the devices I'm using To change my face Okay, you know, I'll say this she doesn't look bad for 67 years old. Not at all. Really. I mean, she really doesn't

She looks great. Yeah I don't know if it has anything to do with the triangle of beauty, but you know I think she could probably stop getting a haircut where my mom does but I think that other than that, you know Yeah, her and Nadab are gonna have a happy life together. I think that I think that'd be nice And the triangle of beauty. Yeah, we gotta get everybody get in touch with her. We gotta get in touch with her You gotta get in touch with her. Yeah Yeah, yeah, you gotta take her out. You gotta take her out. Yeah I have to take her out. Yes

Okay, and sleep with her. Okay. There we go Oh This shit really works She loves you That's how she's gonna talk. That's just pictured. Nadab's dick is that thing and she's gonna That to her Imagine that your dick in the dove. Yeah, it looks exactly like that This is what she's doing to it

You're just in heaven You're in heaven. She's making those noises. I don't like it. It's so cool. You found a new lane to uh To make me feel really uneasy that don't involve legs breaking. Oh, yeah Yeah, and this kind of special time. That is pretty cool. Yeah Do we have any of those? I I don't I don't like the whole ooing and lying either a dog Oh, oh, it's like oof feeling feel good. Yeah

Hey, you just burped too. He just burped after you lost the I know but you still burped one time on the show I was just pointing out that you just burped too like you're gross too You're gross too Hearing gross No, you burped too though. Okay. I'm not saying that I win anything. I'm just I'm acknowledging that you're disgusting too You just farted too. No, I'm trying to so am I ready? Yeah Did you hear it? Yeah, yeah You're winning

Ha Nadav did you see that there was a Of virginia tech sports show that they used your laugh A virginia tech sports show. Yeah, they used your laugh in their video. I don't think I saw that here it is Inflation is getting really out of hand, but that's just my five cents I What did one wall say to the other wall I'll meet you at the corner

Oh my god trying to figure that one out too. What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint That's my laugh I'm really excited for the autopsy club. I just joined tuesday is open mic night It's a good one That's you guys. Oh my god. This jew motherfucker is going to be coming after virginia techs 10. I'll tell you. Nice. Nice. Go Hokies Um Pretty cool sinister

You can't take our nadav's laugh. They took our nadav's laugh That's our nadav's laugh. Yeah Get your own fucking jay. Yeah You can't take our jay's laughter Right. Yeah, get yourself a jay laughter. Yeah God, you know what I mean? Yeah, he's been ours for like a how long now. I don't know lots of years. I can't do math in jay time But a while Yeah

Yeah, he's our jay. Yeah, he's not your jay fucking asshole. There you go Do we have any talks? Oh boy What? Yeah Don't say it like that. What was your most painful tattoo? Honestly, it varies by the day sometimes different places feel different Depending on where I'm at. It feels like but probably the lower back Or maybe the first time I had my fingers blacked out. That was a really traumatic experience. I always remember that day So for me the ones that form the biggest memory probably the most painful ones It's cool. These are guys that are completely blacked out like white guys that are painted black

With tattoos and they're talking about how it's painful moving on Whenever I'm deciding whether my video is good enough or not, I ask myself this Would solve it or dolly like it? I Know the crown can I say something in the mind of ginger James is Madonna's new thing Can I say something I could see you becoming like this. So could I? Like a couple things I know Yeah, a couple of notches to the right. Yeah, I know and you're doing these I agree. I'm not far off

I think that's Partially why I'm obsessed with like this type of weirdo stuff And Madonna and stuff. I'm like, dude. I'm like one is a prayer for the world You'd be making these I'm like a few pill addictions away from doing weird stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah Like really if I didn't have children or you or anything like just me and drugs That's what fucking will happen. Yeah, that's just drugs, right drugs and a camera Yeah, pretty wild Man it's seven in the morning

What's she doing Cutting on eyelashes seven in the morning Just putting eyelashes on a woman in the airport Like at lash extensions at seven a.m. In the airport. It's so unsanitary Like at the fucking lax waiting all that shit I've seen like the craziest thing is definitely to see people trimming their nails I think so. That's wild to do that in public or filing your nails. It's crazy. I've seen it I've seen it at the gate. I've seen it on planes Are brushing even I would say brushing your hair

And like you're you know, you're dandruff and your hair goes on other people. Yeah, it's so disgusting You have to be a hundred percent savage to be at work And get a twin pack of chili cheese sauce out of the vending machine and even Because oh no, I got one better A rack of root up sandwich bro That is the nastiest that's guaranteed diarrhea like out of the gate You take a bite of that and your insides just pour out of you. Oh, you know vending machine. I mean the chili Hot dog in a vending machine. Yeah, that is uh, that's the kind of your stomach's gonna go

Yeah Yeah Yo, and the other one's a barbecued rack. Oh ribs In like a vending machine. Fuck that. When was that thing even sealed up dude That should better let's talk about barrier free Or more specifically the taboo of having fluid bonding with multiple polyamorous partners The main arguments I hear against it are well, if I have a kid I want to know who the other biological parent is that's fair if you're trying to get pregnant

And of course we want to minimize transmission of sti side. No a positive test doesn't mean you're transmissible So let's not get those mixed up. But yeah to be clear. No one is saying go forth. Be reckless The thing is that a lot of us can treat fluid bonding as an indicator of who emotionally matters more Like I saw it that way for a long time Even if there was transparency and testing and trust with everyone It still hurt my feelings that they wanted that with somebody else, right? I still felt threatened I felt disgusted even why for me it came from monogamy culture of still wanting a form of exclusivity to signify I'm emotionally safe, right?

It also came from purity culture of being raised to Think that I should save this one special thing for the most important person But I'm trying to divest from those schools of thought and those motives It is examined for years because of the easily justifiable health concerns Now I'm not in the business of telling anyone how to be in the bedroom You're grown choosing fluid bonding monogamy or polyfidelity is polyfidelity. I just want to encourage self inquiry Figure out why we want what we want, right? So we're not just operating on monogamous autopilot Wow

Did you understand half of what the fuck this broad saying? I also think that doesn't a positive sti test Mean you're positive for that. Well, it means you're positive She's saying that you won't necessarily transmit that to somebody else But chances are you will if you're positive not necessarily. Yeah Not necessarily. I mean you could carry Um, the herpes virus. I think it's a lot like for instance There's a there's stis that a woman can have that she it's harder for her to transmit them to a male All right. I guess you're on poly side. Well, I follow this account every day. So I

Yeah, I'm sorry. Thank you for thank you for educating me. Yeah, and also it feels like she's just working out her own Shit on tiktok, right? Like this is all just all her Inner dialogue that she thinks really needs to go to the masses Yeah Yeah One of the biggest times that women feel horny is when they can't have it when you ain't chasing them down That makes women well horny It's a very cool video

I should like that. Yeah, his ceiling is so low very low. I don't know where he is Is he in a garage? I don't know where I light on him too. He lit himself up. Well, he's a handsome dude I feel like I feel like I'd be like, oh, yeah, you're safe to come in and then I hear him talking about. Oh, shit We got a wild one I know because generally the whacked out ones don't look this handsome. So it was a little confusing for me at first Yeah, yeah, sure Yeah, you probably felt kind of horny when you saw this Super horny because you're not chasing them super horny. He's he's not he's not chasing

He's got that cool accent too where it's like he barely read but he One of the biggest times that women feel horny is when they can't have it when you ain't chasing them down It's cockney that makes women well horny. Well, holy. Yeah. Yeah, he's not like he's he didn't go to eaton. Mm-hmm No Oh We're watching somebody apply wax to their eyebrows hot. Just shut Savage dude, you did that so fast homie. Is that a stitch there? She just fucking straight ripped that eyebrow off like it was nothing so bad. Of course. It looks terrible

What are you doing? She's pretty. She's got a pretty face. Sure. I know Well, don't do it. Don't do it. Sweetie. You're so pretty. Don't Oh, it's so much wax too. I don't think you need to put that much on you definitely don't oh because she missed a spot on the other one That's what that was Made my nuts jump my nuts jumped out of the chair Fuck dude. No. No. No Wow She's crazy

You look really pretty now Holy shit Oh my god more. She's going back for that She's so like deadpan when she does it. Is this like you think a message to her parents? Yeah, she hates her mom and her dad. She sent this to them and she's like Merry Christmas Yay, now i'm happy Oh my god, oh my god, so so Uh PSA for anybody considering doing this there was a time in goth culture

Where girl goth girls were shaving their eyebrows off and then penciling them back in just just doing like a thin pencil line They don't always grow back Yeah, like I know girls like goth girls who were tweakers in the 90s that fully would do that shit to their brows And they don't come back sometimes. Yeah, so don't do that guys. This is not a good. Yeah, like see how rihanna Like that's how goth girls were rocking it and that should sometimes doesn't come So just be cautious dudes Bros ultimates You're looking at a hairless cat and the owner is rubbing it down in coconut oil and it looks so cute

Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen it's pretty cute rubbing a hairless cat down in coconut oil I want you to do this for me, babe Oh, there's another one another stone being removed from the homeless person's mouth Remember I told you I got heavy into these And that's fucked up that guy just pulled out. He didn't even like break it up. He just pulled that out I just build up of like plaque and stuff That was too mean, right? You ever wonder how they mix the tortilla

Sanitary, huh Oh, that's melted butter guys, that's how they make your butter That's what we're ending on, huh? That was a nice way to take it home Isn't that horrible? Yes. God. I never want to eat whatever that is Can I have that a cow cow? Okay, well It was traumatizing Fun day. I can't believe I lost the bed to you. You did. You did lose the burp. I was so unconscious. Yeah

Just because you're such a pig. You don't realize that you do it all the time That's so rude. That's true Oh I had chai longtro for a lunch It's korean food mixed with mexican food. What did you think was gonna happen? You don't know I don't want to do the math You can just walk in the other room We gotta get going man. You do the math. You do the math

I had a bean burrito I miss him. Yeah, and he was such a purist about his talent. He would never let us expose him. It was so rude Yeah, he was awesome. He was a real yeah, he was a real artist like he he didn't want the glory So good Yeah Remember those girls in the shed or they would fart and they'd be like Oh, it's such a nasty fart. Like it was like those sexual fart videos. They look over their shoulder and they're like What happened back there? Like you didn't know

I don't like that I don't like that. I do. No. Yeah push push No, I don't like it I told you Don't laugh evil demon. Okay Let's go Okay, you want to say goodbye to the audience? You just want to get up and leave. I want to get up and leave All right. I love you guys. Thank you so much for listening. Um, this was a great episode. Tom. I love you

Love you too. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time right here on your mom's house. Okay No Oh All over my face It's just like it's just like it's just like the gays it's just like It's just like Hey, hey, is this the show?