Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Popular Music Sucks w/ The Black Keys | Your Mom's House Ep. 768

Episode Date: July 17, 2024

Asheville, NC and Roanoke, VA! Tom is coming to you! Get tickets at https://tomsegura.com/tour! SPONSORS: -Head to https://policygenius.com/YMH to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save -Head to https://zbiotics.com/YMH and use the code YMH at checkout for 15% off. -Check out the new softside Luggage from Away at https://awaytravel.com/ymh -Get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription at https://babbel.com/YMH My brother didn't believe me, but he believes me now, Tod and Kristine are back again! This week on Your Mom's House Podcast, the Main Mommies talk about a ding dong on Christina's nose, Tom's hot and spicy gas, before opening the show with a clip featuring Noel Gallagher of Oasis sharing some colorful thoughts on people in the world. They also call up Brenden the YMH merch guy to discuss their recent fixation on taking calls on the toilet. They also check out some clips about piggy parties, pronoun fun, and mermaid tail etiquette. Christina and Tom welcome musical duo, The Black Keys aka Dan Auerbach and Patrick Carney. They just cancelled their recent tour, so they've got some free time and share why that even happened in the first place. They talk about how they got together, their early success, and drop a YMH exclusive concerning whether or not they've gone airtight together. The Black Keys also run a gauntlet of Horrible or Hilarious clips from Tom, talk some trash about popular musicians, discuss the differences between bombing on stage doing comedy vs live music, and so much more! Your Mom’s House Ep. 768 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to the... Mercy is coming to theaters January 23rd. This is the Mercy Corps powered by artificial intelligence. Detective Raven, you're charged with the murder of your wife. I'm not guilty. You have 90 minutes. To prove it.

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Maybe she found something she wasn't supposed to. Rebecca Ferguson. You must move from one piece of the puzzle to the next. Oh, I have something here. Oh, my God. Mercy rated PG-13 may be inappropriate for children under 13. Only in theaters, January 23rd. Program, we're here.

We're queer, not going anywhere. Get used to it. Yep. Learn how to say it. You've got a cool summer dad shirt on. Yeah, so. I knew it was going to be 145 today, so I just said, fuck it. But this is a new corner that you've turned, because once you get into summer dad attire,

you're officially a dad. Yeah. Let me tell you a little story about my fat Indian stepdad who's now dead. Okay. There was a time, like, he did dress cool, and then he turns 50-something, and then he would go to Tommy Bahamas. I did not go to Tommy Bahamas. And that's a little Tommy Bahamas. The flowers and stuff.

Where did you get this? I got it at a department store. It's made by a company called Vince, and I just thought, you know, it's very hot in this climate. in this area we live in. So something that goes with the incredible heat and humidity here. Yeah. I feel your judgment. You're wearing a curious top for this weather.

A mink sweater. Do you know why? Because it's freezing in here. That's what we do. I'm colder in the summer than I am in the winter because you guys make it 60 because all the guys in here are like, I'm hot. I'm hot. Fully retarded.

It's very hot out. It is very hot. Can I tell you something that's really cool that's been going on for the last week? What? Is I have a ding-dong on my nose. Now I put makeup on it. Yeah, you look like Rudolph. It is, it is, it's one of those that is so awfully placed.

It's like the worst place to get it. I've had it. I've had it before, too, yeah. Why? Why does God give it to you right on the tip of your neck? He's trying to teach you a lesson. It's like the most humiliating. He's teaching you a lesson.

He's making you think about your week. What did you do this week? I know, you know what's interesting is that though now that I'm old, I don't care as much. I just covered up and I'd go on with my life. But I remember getting a ding-dong here when I was like 15 or 14. Yeah, you want to not go to school. You're like, I'm not going to school. Yeah.

I think I skipped school one day because I, because then you pick at it and you're like, just get rid of it. I did love squeezing them. Of course. In high school and just, you hit the mirror with it. I'm going to throw up. Yeah. I would do that. You go, you see pus and blood on them.

Thank you. Did you have bad acne? No, not bad. I was lucky. You know, you'd get zits still. I know. This is hormonal. Wait, because I had my period last week. You had your period too. Did you get any zits? Yeah, a little bit, yeah. Yeah. But not too bad. Not like that one. Yeah. That one's really bad. Yeah. Well, I'm done now. Did your boobs hurt? A little bit. Yeah. As your period over? Yeah, done. Yeah. I know. How many slow or no? No, it was pretty light. What did you use?

What do you use? What do you use? Yeah, I like a plastic applicator. What kind of you like? Plastic applicator too, yeah. Really? What size are you using nowadays? Large.

Large? Large. Yeah. They're not called large. They are. It's super, it's super regular and slim. Well, super is how we, you know, it's another word for large. And you use the plastic applicator?

Mm-hmm. Where do you put the applicator when you got? I think. Where? When I'm done with it, I flush it. Yeah. I usually, I look for something that says don't flush here and I put it in there. Yeah.

Yeah. It's not nice to flush the plastic applicator down the toilet. I know. It always says don't put any other foreign objects here and then I put it in there. But I do it in public. I don't do it at home. And what underwear do you wear when you're on your period? I don't wear thongs.

Right. Yeah. Do you switch up what you wear or you just wear your normal? No, I have a wider pair. A what? Wider pair of underwear. Witer? Wider?

Oh, wider. Yeah. Yeah. Why wider? I just feel more comfortable because I kind of feel gross when I'm having my period and I don't feel like wearing something sexy. Right. Yeah. Same's.

Oh, really? Yeah. I just shut it down those days. Oh, I shut it down so hard. I don't even feel like living. I just want to stay in bed. Me too. And I get so sweaty.

Do you get sweaty? Yeah, I get diarrhea too. Really? Yeah, sometimes. That's cool. Yeah. Yep. It's weird you and I totally recycling now.

That's pretty crazy. Yeah. Well, men can have periods. Oh, of course men can have periods too. So, yeah, you know, it's interesting. Speaking of diarrhea, I farted the other day. It's one of the rare times that I farted. And right away, you go, did you have sushi?

And I go, yeah. Yeah, I did have sushi. And you go, yep, I can smell my babies. maybe eight. Yeah. You know, it's funny when you have a child, a little infant, you can start telling what they ate based on their gas. Yeah. You farted and I smelled sushi.

Crazy. It was like your, it just, it was wild. It was so special. Salmon. Yeah. Wow. I wonder, I'm going to start trying to identify. Usually when your farts are sour, that's like eggs.

You know what you did, which was. really smart. You were flying. We're about to get on a flight. Yeah. And then you had a sushi burrito. That was a poor choice. What happened was it was Heather's birthday. And she got to pick whatever she wanted for lunch. And she chose this place. And it had, they gave us a tuna, like a tuna pokey kind of wrap. It was like a big sushi roll, basically. And I got the spicy and I got extra spicy sauce on it. I remember as I was like, two bites into it, you go, aren't you going to fly in a couple hours? And I said, yeah, you go, is that the smart thing to be eating before that flight?

Yeah. And I was like, once you mind your own business. Yeah. And then I got to tell you something. Yeah. It was one of the rare times you were right. It was a very poor decision. And I had very big problems on the flight and post flight.

It destroyed me. Did you diarrhea on the plane? Wow. Yeah. And it was hot. It was spicy. Oh, that's the worst. I feel it coming out with heat.

I'll tell you what I didn't do. What? I didn't make a business call while I was doing it. You're out of your mind. So can I tell you what I started doing? Started doing? Well, I just started doing this. Jesus Christ.

I just started. Can I tell you why? Just coming into your own? I really, I really am. Now that I'm 48, I really have entered a level of freedom. I'm so free, Tom. You are free. I really am because I am on death's door.

I don't have many years left. I know. And you know what? What? I see why older people are just cooler because you're like, I don't, what am I? They don't give a shit. So I started doing business calls and I was on the toilet the other day. Well, we all do business calls on the toilet.

Everybody does business calls in the toilet. I didn't know that. Yeah, but the difference is there is no one even has to learn this. It's just a built-in normal function of etiquette where when you're on a call and you're on the toilet, you speak and then you hit. mute while you're doing your business. And you told me, you're like, oh, I don't hit mute. I don't hit mute. So you listen, so people listen to you pee and fart and flush. Well, here's a difference. I don't, hold on. I feel as though if I were to speak and then mute. Speak and mute. Yeah. That is more suss, as the kids say. No. It's more suspicious.

It's not. Than me just, they have the regular background noise and then I pee. I don't fart every time I pee. That's you. I'm a woman. I don't fart every time I pee either. I think a lot of men do. No. We don't all fart every time when you're at the urinals. You're always telling me that men fart at the urinals. Sometimes, but it's not every time. It's not every time. It's not close to every time. But the difference is if you're on the toilet, you just mute when you're not talking. And if you're going to make a noise like with pee, you mute it. So you let them hear you pee. I let them hear me pee. And here's the interesting thing. Who are you doing this with? Brendan, our merch guy.

He just heard you piss. But he didn't say anything. Well, yeah, because he's super polite. But here's the thing, man. Here's the deal. Is also because I am a woman, I also think that there's no, people would be like there's no way this girl

is sitting on the toilet because she's a girl. The only other. Right? They're like, there's no way a woman would sit on the toilet. The only thing that could be happening. is that while you're peeing, the guy is jacking off because you're peeing. Because some guys really like to hear a girl pee. So that could be happening.

God, that's so disgusting. Well, welcome to the real world. So everything is, why is everything sexualized? Oh, you're peeing is? Everything. Yeah. Even, well, my browning, no. Yeah.

Yeah, some guys are going to definitely, uh, please don't make so much noise so I can hear you shit more clearly. But I don't think they hear me browning because it's very quiet when I brawling. Uh-huh. I don't make big drops like you. You, when you do it, it's catastrophic. It's not. It sounds like a disaster. Let's start the show.

Crazy man. Nobody knows. Ask Brendan. Hold on. The answers are, look, the world is a great place. It's just inhabited by Alex. The internet's fault. That's just the way it is.

Amen. I love them. I love him. I love him. No, Galaika. No mom in the fuck is there. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

with Tom Seguera and Christina Pajitsi Welcome to your mom's house Can I tell you I have been I've always loved the Gallagher brothers But lately I'm on a Noel Gallagher

kick Yeah Because I love everything this guy says He's a fucking He's like The world is a great place Inhabited by And it's the entire

That's fault. All right, hold on. Isn't that the truth? Let's do this real quick. That is a true thing. How do we, okay, we're calling. Should we tell the audience when we're doing? Yeah, we're calling Brendan.

We're calling Brendan right now, the person that Christina was speaking to. So I peed and poop. Okay. Hello. Hey, Brendan. Hey. Hey, this is Tom, and you're on your mom's house right now, just so you know. Oh, awesome.

So we just had a revelation, and we had to call you to follow up on. this. At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body check-up that provides a clear picture of your health today and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan, live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. Christina spoke to you recently.

Did you have any idea what she was doing while you were speaking to her? I did not. No, because she just shared, she's the only person I know like this, that she was using the bathroom, but she doesn't mute when she does business calls in the bathroom. That's wonderful to find out. And so I think she peed and shit And she's like

Two separate calls Two separate calls One I peed on with you That is making sense now And I was like Why don't you just hit mute Like when you're done speaking And do your business

She's like no I just do it And I'm like that's insane But Brendan you didn't notice I did not notice Wow Say And if you did

I did not notice And if you did And if you did, why don't you think, like, oh, it's one of the kids? Yeah, I would have assumed that only the child would do that. Right. Like, you wouldn't, in your wildest dreams, imagine that a nice woman like me would do that. Never, never. Expect it from Tom, but not from you.

And Brendan, have you ever done a call on the toilet? I am on the toilet right now. You are, okay. And do you do you do the mute and then release thing? Yep. Yeah. See? It's like a courtesy flush.

Exactly. But he's a man. Have some respect. I don't make as loud as sounds as he does. He obviously didn't hear them and he didn't suspect it because I'm a woman. No harm, no foul. So you're just going to keep rolling that dice? Of course I am.

Of course I am. Who cares? Everybody I talk to knows me and loves me. They know I love them. Right, Brandon? we're practically family. 100%. Who do I talk to?

Agent Jeans, Brendan. Okay. There's like five people I talk to regularly. Maybe. All right. They all know. I'm kind of honored. You know what?

I'm going to do as just as a courtesy to you is I'm going to take it for a spin. I'm going to go ahead and do my next call the same way. No mutes. You're going to lose friendships, though. You're going to lose business relationships. No. Could you do a notes call with Netflix? Brendan, I will call you, but I need to call you to talk about some stuff.

Yeah. Just disable video if you're going to be on the Twitter. Okay. I won't use video, but I'll go completely unmuted, okay? Sounds good. Okay. He was unmuted himself to talk. Thank you.

Thank you, Brendan. Did you hear that? My pleasure. All right. Thank you, Brandon. Yeah. Yeah. You're insane.

I don't talk to as many people. Here's what I literally talk to, Asian genes, Brendan, some friends You're so crazy That's it Whatever you Do you hear me shitting I do it to you all the time

Yeah But I know when you're doing it I know when you're doing it When you call me from the road You're always on the toilet Because you're always delayed I'll ask you a question And there's a time delay

And I'm like oh he's shitting How does the time delay affect it? Because I'll be like hey babe So what are we doing the thing And you go I'm like babe We're gonna go We're gonna go to the thing

I'm muting and I'm muting. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, see, I do it to you. I'm nice. I do it to you. But that makes it more suspicious. I would rather just hear the plops. Really?

And keep it in real time. God. All right, you know what? Yeah. You're going to get your wish. You're going to get your wish. Listen, this is to all the women. Go ahead and be free.

Make your calls on the toilet because the guys aren't even assuming you're doing something that crazy. That's the best part. Listen, as a woman, you have carte blanche to be as crazy as you want to be. No one suspects that we do any. Anything. Anything interesting or anything. Well, this is for you just because you're just inspired a whole bunch of people. Yeah.

As I touch the top of her breasts with my fingertips. Ugh. And then go down them to the nipples slowly, slightly and gently. Ugh. Until, and then I tickle them until they become erect. Ew. Tom. Listen, since we're sexual right now, why are you so happy about that, you shithead?

I hope you wear adult braces for the rest of your life I hope they don't work and you have to get the metal ones don't laugh I hate that you like this that I hate this I hate this I'm so happy you shit

stupid I hate that you like this so much as I touched her nipples stop I'm not puke Ew. And then go into a circular motion. I'm going to throw out. I'd rather watch vomiting.

Stop. Slowly. Gently. Ew. This guy's so, and he has to show me his finger. That's the worst part of it. He's so disgusting.

He's never been with a woman voluntarily. This is disgusting. Okay. I thought you might like it. Wait, are you going to show me another one? No. That's it. Well, then hold on.

Since we're on the topic of horn. corny cool things. Another email came in. Okay. Hi, mommies, please keep this anonymous, but you're welcome to read on the show. I heard you put a call out for booger eaters, and I wanted to reach out. I'm a 29-year-old married father of two, and I've been munching on those nuggets since I was a wee tot.

Tommy is right that it started as a childhood thing, and I was just never able to kick the habit. I tried many, many times, but it's just stuck with me. I've been able to be more discreet about it. Now it typically happens when I'm not even thinking about it. It's subconscious. Just like scratching my head or adjusting my chair. I'm a high school teacher, so occasionally I'll be plucking a real gooey goober

while I'm working at my desk, and my students are working, and one of them will catch it from the corner of your eye, and we'll share the quiet look of horror together. It's a real bonding experience. I'd love to kick the habit, but I'm not sure where to start. Coming up in May.

That's just, you like the horny vids? I like the booger stuff. Okay. I wish we could have people send in videos of them eating their boogers. You sure about that? Real scraggly ones. And put attention, Tom.

As a fat person, I often dread medical appointments. Because of blatant medical fat phobia. Yeah. The last OBB appointment I went to the provider blamed everything on my weight and told me that I needed to go on a medication that made me feel really terrible.

This OB appointment that I just lent to, I've been dreading and the provider was amazing. She asked me what my pronouns are. She asked me about my name. She made me feel super comfortable. I asked me about my trauma history so that she knew how to touch me

in ways that were not harmful. She just was like great. And I was crying before getting my blood drawn because I just never have good experiences with medical providers. And so, I don't know, I just wanted to share. Babe, could you imagine the fat phobia? In the medical community? Yeah, you go to the doctor and they're like, you're too fat. God, it's so mean.

That's so crazy. Medical providers have this crazy fat phobia thing going. I know. Here's the thing. Your blood works terrible. and I'm going to really fucking blow your mind here. It's because you're fat. Yeah.

I know. It's so hateful of me to say. These people are insane. Could you imagine? Look, all your issues, I'm sure, related to the fact. 5,000. Yeah, you need to lose weight. By the way, I think I would be so annoyed if I went to my OB and she's like, what are your pronouns?

And what's your trauma history like? I'm like, bitch, put that in there and, like, Let's get out. Let's get out of here. Could you imagine? I get annoyed even now when they want to make chit chat with me. I'm like, just go with it. Yeah.

I went to a dentist and she was very loving and sweet. Yeah. And she was like, is this okay? I'm like, just go. Go. I'm from the 80s. I don't care. Yeah.

Shove it in there. Shove it in. Let's go. I took a Xanax. Yeah. I don't want you to talk to me. Yeah. Fuck right off.

What's your name? She asked me about my name. What are the other ones do? They don't ask your name? I think she asked me my trauma. Could you imagine asking your trauma history? Boy, that appointment would take me five hours. Oh.

Tell her my childhood stories. Is this? Fuck you. That's in a car. In a car. The guy's puking in the car. Isn't that crazy? Yeah.

You did that. Hey, you did that because it was a booger email. Yeah. I should have done that. Why did you do that? I don't like it. I don't like those booker emails. Booker videos that are now going to be submitted.

Oh, you're going to have a whole new problem on your hand. Go ahead, make them into TikToks, maybe. Send them in. Make them into TikToks. Just to be pulling a scrunger and I need it. Hey, Tom, hold on. I don't want to get off the topic of pronouns because I know you and I are very conscientious about this stuff. Zolo, I sent you a picture.

I don't know if you know this. I'm so excited now. Whenever you add a new contact to your iPhone, you can also add their pronouns. Oh, that's cool. Isn't that great? Yeah. Rob Eiler was so considerate.

He added my, I have a new phone number, and then he made sure to check with me if I had new pronouns before he added my info. And I just thought that was really special. It comes in most emails, a lot of emails from companies, Like if you're dealing with somebody at professional level at a big company, it'll be in their signature. I love that. I love to know what their gender is. But you know, we should start doing is also what turns you on?

What makes, what gives you an erection? Oh, have that in there. I want to know more. You know what I mean? It's a good point. What are your sexual? Pee in a cup for me. Proclivities, yeah. That'd be really cool. Tell me more of your personal details. Yeah, I'd like that.

That would be really nice. If it was like, my name is Jim, here's my phone number, here's my email, he, him, armpit hair turns me on. Wait, Zolo, go back to that. Can you, are there like many, because you know how on Instagram they only give you certain options? Like they're, are they like ready-made options or can you write yours in? Do you know what I'm saying? Let me look. Because on Instagram.

they have the ready-made ones like urs minor in case you want to know on Instagram mine are like urs purrs cause like the most obscure ones yeah but you like that huh makes you happy that is so fun well this is a kind of a new pronouns yes you can add anything you want oh that's awesome it's really thoughtful that's kind of on par with what Apple would do too it's a very progressive tech company from California. It is, Tom. It is. Here's another thing.

Very cool. I think this is really about etiquette. And here's some mermaid etiquette you might not know about. You're so lucky to have a silicone tail. Hey, listen, I know that it might not be your intention, but that comment's a bit dismissive. I worked really hard to save up money for this tail and train for it. It wasn't just luck. Oh, I didn't think of it that way.

I was giddy when I saw pictures of your tail. You know what? I'll delete my comment on your Instagram post at a couple of minutes. No heart feelings. Not every conversation in the mermaid community needs to end in a fight. Please respect people's boundaries and feelings. That's a really good point. Because some people are commenting on Instagram to mermaids who have, you know, acquired a tail like this.

A silicone tail. And you don't mean to say something like, Oh, how lucky. Because, you know, it is a bit dismissive to how hard the person may have worked to acquire that tale. So just think about that when you're leaving comments for mermaids. Gosh, there's so much to consider now. There's so much to consider now. We don't think about this stuff.

But can I tell you, I'm so happy that we finally are having these discussions. Yeah. These marginalized communities, the mermaid community. They've been left out of the dialogue, you know. Yeah. Oh, isn't being a mermaid considered a pronoun? Could I make that one of my cool pronouns? You could make it a pronoun, but I don't think it's a pronoun to be like mermaid.

Mermaid, Merman. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm really curious now to know what the etiquette in the mermaid community is because she's implying that there's a lot of rude comments within the mermaid community. Yeah. You know where there are also some rude comments?

There was this piggy party, a fat girl party, and they highlighted some of the big comments. Here, look at these. They all got together to just eat everything. thing, a poor black man's dream. Nobody in this room will be alive in ten years. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Some big broads in that room.

Shit. So guys holding on the ceiling. Yeah. Oh, so funny. Yeah. Not a lot left on that plate right there on the front, huh? No. But Tom, this is the type of fat phobia that woman was talking about.

I know. Imagine if they all went to the doctor, the doctor would be like, I got to tell you something. It's not looking good for anybody. And they'd be like, oh, let me guess. It's because I weigh 400 pounds. Well, also, it's because the BMI scale is patriarchal and hateful. Everybody knows that. It didn't consider other ethnicity. It didn't consider. Yeah. Body types. That's right. It's based on a white heterosexual. a genius, homogeneous view of the female body. Everybody knows that, Tom. It's normal to have a 50 BMI.

Everybody knows that. That is true. Well, hold on. Well, let's see what they are eating. I'm looking at, I'm seeing some enchiladas, some other starchy carbs. Yeah. That's no good, man.

I saw this clip where these big old chicks, phobia. Big broads. We're sitting on a talk show. And the guy goes, well, I think you just need to eat less and move more. And they all went, oh, here we go. Like, like it was crazy to say. And he was like, what?

And they were like, it's not what it's about. He's like, you're just fucking eating too much and you're not moving. They were so upset by it. You know, this is a horrible thing my father used to say all the time. Which thing? All the things I heard growing up. But the problem with a lot of things my crazy parents said is that they were inherently true, much like Noel Gallagher, like the world is full of God, and it's the Internet's fault.

My father would say, whenever they would say that stuff, like, eat less, move more, and then the people go, no, it's glandular. He's like, there were no fat people in Auschwitz. There were no fat people. Right, they were starved. In Auschwitz. Yeah. Think about that.

There's no glandular disorders. There's no. you know, hypo, whatever, thalamus problems. You're not big-boned. You're just eating too much. Yeah. I'm surprised. Ashwurst hasn't come out with a statement about that.

Against my dad. No, just being like, hey. Hey, the one thing we could also tell you is that there's definitely no fat people here. For all you wondering, if it's your glands. It's the food. There's no food in your life when you're here. There's no fat people. Yeah, if you don't eat, you won't be fat.

You won't be fat. Oh, here we go. Back to the food again. Speaking of, I am having to up my O-Zempies because I'm eating right through it again. Again. So remember I told you I overdosed myself on 50? Yeah. Well, now I'm like having to go to 25 or 30 just to keep it because I'm eating right through it.

I mean, I'm eating like I got I got fucking those powdered doughnuts. Yeah. Why do you have those? You don't even call them donuts because they're so fucking fake. They're so good because they're just, I'm on this like. wanting to eat all the shit I grew up on like trash. But why don't you get the fresh like good ones? I don't like the good. This is the

problem. I don't like the good fresh ones. Your palate is fucked. Because I grew up eating garbage. I like Entenmans, hostas. I like the fake ass chocolate little donuts. I like white trash food. And I'm just now making peace with that. Why don't you go to this party? That's what I like. I know. That's the

problem, though. They're not on the Zempe's. No, they're definitely not. You can eat one or two of the little donuts. Not the whole bag. So we're up in the doth. So I got it up my own does. So I'm almost going to be up to 50 naturally. Wow. I'm not losing right now.

All right. And I discovered P.T. Terries? P. Terry's. Yeah. That's a real problem. That shit's good. That's why they don't like in and out here because I think it's their in and out. It's like better, huh?

I still think in and out's better. I know. California in and out, but not Texas in and out. It's too different here. It doesn't taste the same. Right? I still think. Yeah.

In and out of... It's better than that bullshit. What a burger. Fuck what a burger. Water burger sucks. Not even a fucking burger. It's terrible. It's like paper.

It just tastes like mayonnaise to me. Yeah, that shit sucks, dude. All right. Let's take a quick break. Okay. We'll be back to talking about farts and dicks after this quick break. And we're back and you can check out the new album from our guest called Ohio Players, baby. And please welcome to Black Keys, everybody.

You guys are from Ohio. I'm from Ohio. Yeah. What part? I'm from Cincinnati. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, we're from the Browns area.

Yeah. Of Ohio. You're from the... You're from the... You're from Akron? Yeah. Yeah. You're from...

That's where LeBron's from, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. We used to... When we first started the band, I lived in this house with, like, four other dudes,

like a punk rock house kind of in the hood. And this was, like, 2001, 2002. I lived there. But, yeah, we would see... LeBron, I think Nike, like, hired his mom to, like, kind of get him some money. Yeah. Because he was driving to school and it's, like, brand new yellow Hummer. Hummer, yeah, I remember that story.

I would get behind him sometimes. Like, this guy. This is a kid in high school's got a hummus. This is wild. Yeah. Yeah. Worked out for him. He's doing all right.

He's doing all right. Yeah, he's doing pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, I like me to Ohio people. I think it's always exciting to meet somebody that branched out and did something. I know, we're very proud of our own. Yeah, Ohio for sure. Oh, the D-L sisters are from there.

Kim and Kelly D-L. Do you know them? Yeah, I mean, I've spent more time with Kim. Yeah, tell me about her. I met her one time in Silver Lake, and I don't fan girl out ever. I was carrying a Pixie's bag that I had made for me. That's how much of a fan. And Tom's like, you guys talk to her. I'm like, oh, I don't know.

fucking asshole. And she was the nicest and totally normal. And she's like, yeah, just give me your email. I'll email you. I'll email you. We're doing a show. And I was like, she was so great.

If you're freaking out, I was like, she's like, I don't freak out for anything. Yeah, you should fucking say something. You've never, you've never been like this. We took a picture. We had this, we ran a part of an old rubber factory where we kind of had as a studio

for a while in 2004. The general tire factory. Nice. And Kim and Kelly drove from Dayton to Akron. They wanted to make some demos there. So I'd spend an afternoon with them once. And they, you know, they were just so cool. But yeah, they were like heavily addicted to Starbucks at the time. I think we went there like two times. They kept getting these giant for Appuccino. Yeah. But yeah, they were just the coolest. Yeah. They're sisters. They're

almost identical twins. You two are not related. We are not. But you may as well be because you've been together for so long. Yeah, we've been doing this for... No, I mean, he's a gay couple. You guys are a gay. We are a gay couple. We've known each other since 1989. Damn.

How'd you guys meet? Dating, gay dating. Is that a Nambla conference? That's cool. Our dad's took us to Nambla. We met because my dad bought a house around the corner from where Dan lives. Just a total old-fashioned neighborhood.

Like there's one way to get one street got in this giant neighborhood. And were you both already jamming? Like, you know, hey, I play instruments so you kind of thing? This is when we were like nine. We're having like acorn fights. Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, it's like, you know, like the movie like stand by me. It was like when I saw that, it was just like that's essentially felt like how our neighborhood. Yeah. We had the train tracks and under the bridge. Hell yeah. All the good shit. and stuff.

Yeah. Memorial Parkway where the, like, where that guy died. Nice. There was like a, there was like a little, I guess they called it the workhouse, where they put people who like got too many DUIs on the other side of this valley that we could see. And, you know, there's always like, you hear about like the butcher escape from the workhouse.

It's just worried about making shit up, I guess. And then when did you start? Did you guys start playing in high school? We both started playing. music on our own independently. And then our younger brothers were in the same grade. Yeah, we were in separate grades. We were one year apart. So it was like, you know, when you get into school, it's like when you're in different grades, it's, you might as well be in different universes. Yeah, for sure. Sometimes. So we didn't really know each other too well. I just knew him

from the neighborhood. I knew Pat. I knew his brother Will and his brother Michael. We'd take the bus and he would go that way and I'd go this way, you know. But then our brothers one day said, hey, you know Pat, plays drums. And told Pat that I play guitar, you guys should get together. So it was like we, yeah, we never knew. Yeah, he came down to my house. But, you know, I was hanging out with his brother all the time. But yeah, I never hung out with Dan.

He came down with the guitar and just was like, you know, started ripping these, you know, really cool guitar parts. He's like, yeah, I'm into this, like, blues from northern Mississippi like this and I just happened to be like into one of the same guys through a whole different channel like and it was weird

because he was the only other person I knew that was into that kind of thing and we were black away from each other yeah isn't it kind of crazy too that you that means you've you've seen each other evolve as musicians like you basically met each other when you were pretty new you've seen each other like kind of

well I mean I show Dan how to record like on a 4-trans tape recorder. Wow. He'd never seen one. So yeah, we've seen it. We've, from the very begin, you know, we've learned how to do it all together. Yeah.

Yeah, we have no idea what we were doing. And we do, you know, we did. It was all the part of the fun of it, you know what I mean? Yeah. Being just idiots in the studio, we'd like, tape a microphone to our chin. Yeah. Yeah, because, you know, the way that the whole band kind of came about really was we were

jamming occasionally. We would get together. you know like 1997 98 and whatever when we were just kind of finishing high school and then we both found ourselves going to the University of Akron like both like third year freshman I just kept taking ceramics classes and like it was we were both like probably

make some more ashtrays we were like at all you know our lowest point the only thing I remember about the University of Akron was the guy who sold euros Like random people? They were pretty good. Yeah. It was essentially high school part two. That's what that is.

Yeah. And it was so pitiful. Yeah, I mean, back when we were going there, you could still smoke in like the student union. Oh, that's fun. We just sit in our smoke. That's the best. Yeah, my school used to have a bar, like on campus. Yeah, there's a bar there.

Yeah, now they took it out. And you can't smoke anywhere. It's so lame. Nothing's fun anymore. Nothing's fun anymore. At the time my girlfriend went to this. school called Oberlin. Yeah, I remember Oberlin.

I would go there because they'd always have like cool concerts and like, you know, everyone just make fun of me and call me a townie. But like I could go there and pretend to be a student. I could get beers for 25 cents on Monday. It was kind of amazing. How would you pretend to be a student at Oberlin? I mean, it just looked like a student. When I did a semester abroad in Spain, in Madrid, you smoke in the classroom.

Oh, that's so great. So the professor would smoke and kids would be smoking for. fucking crazy. Like those were the days. Well, actually, I remember when my mom, my mom went to the University of Akron when I was a kid, and I definitely remember you could smoke in the classroom there. That's awesome in the mid-80s.

But yeah, anyway, we found ourselves, you know, kind of living in Akron at 21, and I hadn't seen Dan in like a year, and I ran into him. And he had this bar band that was playing like four or five nights a week around Northeast Ohio. And that's how he's supporting himself. Yeah, we would just do like three-hour sets. I would just play anywhere.

What would you play? Just covers mostly old songs. Yeah. Old country songs, blues songs. Sometimes I'd play solo. If they just wanted a duo, I'd bring, you know, whatever they needed. It's still so crazy to hear that that worked out for someone. You know what I mean?

Like when you hear, like, someone's playing covers at a bar and that like you, well, evolve into a super successful music. credit he called me and was like well ran to each other we ran into each other and he told me what he was up to and i was like oh yeah i just got this like this new kind of recorder i just had like got a credit card and kind of went into deck because i was so miserable i was like maybe i can record bands i bought this thing for a thousand dollars and uh told him about it he's like well you should record my band um and i said yeah well you guys should come over to my house the one in the hood by lebron school and um i set up at the time and this is like right before september 11th this is like

september 8th or something and uh anyway we sat on my front porch waiting for the other two guys that were playing with him and uh they were only interested in playing with him if there was money involved so they didn't come they didn't show up and like i hadn't they didn't understand so was this this is what led to the two the two of you so we just recorded that really so dan's like He should just play the drums. And the recordings that we made that day, we got a record deal for him. No. We sent him.

Wild. That's crazy. Dan's like, we should form a band. I mixed him down and gave him to him like September 13th or something. These sound fucking cool. You know, we should send these to some labels or something. Yeah. Isn't that what you do?

Yeah. That's the thing is you don't even know, right? Yeah, we didn't know. We were two idiots in Akron. We picked a couple of labels that had some of the blue stuff that I really liked, but maybe also some rock and roll things. Like and the label that we sent to, you know, had like Dr. Ross, the harmonica boss records and Stooges records. Oh, cool.

And we were like, they seem really cool. And this is like, you put something in like a FedEx package? Yeah. Yeah. CDR. Media mail. With a handwritten letter. Uh-huh.

Basically saying we're ready to work. Yeah. Help us out. There's, like, we sent them to, Dan, Dan sent them out to like maybe 15 labels. And we heard back from like maybe three. Wow. One of them is in Austin, Chicken Ranch. And I'm still buddies with the guy that runs it.

Really? Yeah. So he was like, well, I'll put your record out. And then this label, Estrus, like a punk label out of Bellingham, Washington, said, like, if you come to Bellingham and play a show, we'll talk to you. And, like, you know, that's out of the question because it's like 3,000 mile drive. And then this label in Burbank said, if you send me 12 songs, you know, I'll put it out. And then they sent a contract that was like that long, that just,

the most bulletproof thing that we've ever signed out. We're still trying to get around it. Yeah, it's impenetrable. Yeah, that's how it started. And then, you know, we made this record in my basement and then send it off to the label. And then the guy sent us back 50 LPs and 200 CDs.

And we're like, okay, what do we do now? Yeah. And he's like, the guy, Patrick, who ran the label alive, was like, you need to go on tour. And I'm like, okay, what does that mean? He's like, well, I know this guy. And he's in a book you a tour. He's just going to have to get in a van and go.

So we got this email a couple weeks later. It was like, here are your dates. I still have this print. I want to get that framed. Yeah, it's kind of insane. But it's basically like, here's three weeks of shows. And, you know, this was, it was just the name, the address, the phone number, and then the deal points,

which is like two beers, $50. $50 guarantee. Yes. 10% off the food. Exactly. Like, yeah, a sandwich but no surprise. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

We did clubs like that where they were like, I did a club one time where he was like, you get 20% off like an entree. But not the steak or the lobster or anything good. Yeah, it was essentially that shit. And so when, you know, this was summer 2002, we get, we, my brother tags along, my younger brother, Michael.

and we get in my minivan and we just go. I neither one of us had a credit card. We were just really freeballing out there. Starting a life of road beef. Roadbeave. Yeah. It's a, banging checks and vans.

What's up, dude? I always felt bad for comics because, I mean, sorry, not for comics for musicians. Because, like, Tom and I, we've been on, we've been doing the road to for like 15, 20 years, you know, those comics. And, like, you go do those. awful morning radio things at like 5 a.m.

And I would always see like the bands just unloading like on their like they'd stumble out of a van hungover, filthy and just like dazed because they're like we were just in another city last night, you know? And they're like, can we shower here? And you're like wow, that's even worse than a comedian because at least in the beginning of a comedy career you're posted up in one city for like four or five nights doing six shows. So we get to stay in a shitty hotel and you're not eating great.

You're not living great. But at least you're in one place. Oh, yeah. Bands, it seems so much more brutal because you're in a different city every night and you're not sleeping. You're not eating. You're not showering. It's savage.

It's savage for a few years. First decade. We couldn't afford to stay in the city we were playing if it was like a cool city. God. If we were like playing New York City, like maybe in New York, we would go and get a room with the Howard Johnson's on. Yeah. On Houston.

But yeah, like we'd be in L.A. play the show and we'd have... Somehow always be in the basement room. Yeah. Yeah. We'd get the fuck out of there. We had just... Yeah, we would just take...

I would just take, like, the... Yellow jackets and just the trucker pills and just drive. And so I could... Yellow Jacks. He would just... I would always just fall asleep to the sound of Art Bell and the highway. Yeah. He would just have Art Bell on it.

Just like, ugh. Yeah. driving. Trucker's feet. Dude, if I had done like six more months of that, dude, I would have just been completely insane. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you feel like it's kind of, like, I know it's all you know now. And there's, you know, there's a few other people that have done this, but like, isn't it kind of a flex to feel like it's the two of you when like bands are always, you know, four, five, six and more? Like, the fact that you can do what you do with two, it's like, I think it's super impressive. Well, you know, when we first started the band, like that day when we made the demo, our neighborhood friend was hanging out with me. He was going to help.

This guy, Gabe. So initially, the band was three of us. And Gabe played the Moog synthesizer. He was playing, like, the bass on that. And that's what our demo kind of had. And then, like, within a few months, he stopped coming to practice. And I was like, and you know, he didn't have a car. He was living with his parents.

I was like, dude, like, he's living with his parents, but his parents were a block away from him. Okay. Come on, yeah. I was like, dude, like, you got to come to practice. Come on. He's like, dude, like, I have an astronomy test. I was like, dude, you've got an F in astronomy.

Yeah. Like, you're going to be an astronomer? Dude? No. No, come on. And then eventually, like, Dana, like, if we keep him in the band, like it's going to be horrible. Yeah.

And we're like, okay. So we got rid of him and then, um. Which was very easy to do. Very easy. Well, yeah, you got another astronomy test. You got to go. Yeah, we got, we, we, we parted ways. And then, uh, we, we tried to get a third person in.

And, um, we both realized that we, we were so serious about doing this that like, and we understood each other, I think enough that if we let a third person in, it could just be a complete fucking disaster. But we were also in Akron. There was like no music scene. To play a show, we had to drive to Cleveland. You know, I mean, there was, we couldn't find anybody. You know Gabe tells this story so much, right?

Like, all the time. Who does? Oh. I'm still boys with Gabe. Talk to him a couple times a year. You know how many bars this has come up in for him? Oh, my God. This is a story.

You come on. He's like, you know. No, I mean, the older we get that, the more. grateful I am that it's just the two of us. Yeah. I can't imagine being in a group, a big group of people trying to get stuff accomplished. When you see the five, six piece bands, you're like, shit.

Or more. Yeah. But, you know, for a long time, it was very insular with us because we would go play these shows. We wouldn't have the money to, like, hang around the club. We weren't really able to socialize with, like, the other bands there. It was, and so actually, that's something that's happened in the last couple years where we've actually been, like, way.

more out there hanging out with other musicians bringing them around it's been really good like for us fun too right and also we don't have to be in a band with them we can just like hang out of them yeah that's nice because it does seem like over time you know you guys in a bigger group there's fights about money and who's like the front guy like who's popular who's not I guess that's what you hear it's got to be so hard but it's just the two of you so that's good well I feel like every bit every band always kind of like the Gallagher brothers which I know you're friends with, mate. I feel like every band,

every band even if it was four people, it always kind of reversed down to like two people. Yeah. It's really about that. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, a couple weeks ago, we were in town,

we went to the mothership, being in that green room and watching all the comics hang out. I was like, this is something that never happens. Right. With musicians. And this is,

it would be way cool if it did, you know. The group hang? Yeah. That's so true. It's so important. Because you guys are more isolated. And the musicians I've known are more introverted, definitely.

Whereas we just sit around and abuse each other in a room. It's so much more. Well, we sit around just make fun with other band that's next door. Oh, of course. Comedians, too. We're united and the people we hate. That's how you're friends with a comic. It's like, who sucks?

Yeah, that guy fucking sucks. Yeah, that's really good. For sure. So much shit talking. So much shit talking. Elite level shit talking. I don't know. We haven't heard it too much

when we go like, you know, we hang around comedians. No? I'm always surprised, honestly. That they're not doing that. Yeah, I feel like maybe maybe the new generation doesn't do it as much or something.

I don't know. No, they do. They do. Everybody hates it. Yeah, they all hate. Everyone's haters, dude. Yeah. You know, it's so funny.

Was it we were talking about that, that comedians will stand-ups anyway or just mean. Yeah. We have the ability. The difference between like an actor, a pure actor, right, and a comedian is that the comedian has a mean streak. Yeah.

Like the actor's more genuine, like sincere. Yeah. And we were talking to a comedian friend of ours who's also an actor. He was saying he's on this movie set. And he's like, you know, we're like, how's this person there? He's like, well, you know, he's really nice. But it's like, you know, I was like, look this fucking guy. And then he said the guy was like, what?

You can't, you can't, like, joke around with a lot of them because they're all just such in, like, that headspace of, like, why would you say that? He's like, oh, never mind. Like, he couldn't joke around. But there are bands you guys hate and you guys talk shit right. For sure. For sure. We definitely used to talk a lot of shit back in the day.

But, like, you know. We couldn't do an interview without Pat talking shit about somebody. Yeah, getting us in trouble. That's so cool. I always get us in trouble. So much fun. Let's do it right now. Yeah.

Who do we hate right now? Who sucks? Fucking. Now, you know what, now it's like. Lady Gaga, she sucks, right? Yeah. She's the worst, dude. You know, I had a couple.

I used to use Twitter a lot. I'm scared of it. Oh, you would use Twitter to talk shit? I had one really good tweet once. Here we go. It was just a, it just was a, it just was a, moves like Jagger, period. and sounds like shit.

That's the kind of stuff I was into. But now I don't do that anymore. But you see that right there, like that's the, anyone who's an expert in a field, you can critique things through a different lens. It's like sometimes comedy will be celebrated popular and then comedians shit all over it

because they see kind of, the holes in it. They see the tricks, you know, the dance moves, we call them, of, like, making that work. But, like, there's, like, a very catchy, let's say, pop song that, like, musically, you're like, this is garbage.

Yeah. But a lot of people don't grasp that, right? They're just like, no, this is great. Well, I mean, a lot of the stuff that we like is probably very hard to listen to for most people. Really? Me too. I like awful things.

Nobody likes. Yeah. Do you guys like, well, I don't think they're awful, but do you guys like Bauhaus? I'm sure your major influence is Bauhaus. I like certain bands from that scene, but I like Jesus of Mary Chain. Love Jesus of Mary Chain. But I don't listen to Bauhaus much.

My favorite is it. I actually don't know one man that listens to Bauhaus. I know a lot of women that listen to Bauhaus. Our agent is, he's very musically inclined, is really good on piano, And he has a really good ear for music. He also has a lot of, it's one of these, like, music history guys. You know, like, you're having dinner and a song comes on. And he tells you all about the recording session.

And, like, he knows all these music stories. And we're at dinner. And we're just going through. It's like, oh, this thing about, you know, Diana Ross. And then Michael Jackson comes on. He's telling us Motown stories. And then all of a sudden, he's like, I got to tell you, man. Your wife, I don't know what that shit is that she listens to, man.

He knows all that He's like her music Man, I don't have to fuck that shit It's okay They only invented a whole genre A whole gothic genre Shout out to Bauhaus Whatever I also drum to

It's no big deal Oh yeah not so hot now are you She's a fucking drummer too If Bathaus needs a drummer Kevin Haskins You're getting old I'm here Okay I drummed terribly But how long you've been drumming? It's like a couple months now

Three months Why I got a kit in my playroom. No big deal. Well, can I ask you this? Would you mind? I think, I didn't know how to play drums when we made our first record. Really? Really? I didn't, I honestly didn't even realize what the drums

were supposed to do until it was about 28. Really? Oh yeah. Well, it's a good point. I swear to God. I didn't realize you were supposed to like keep time. I thought it's like, play along with the guitar. Just fucking beat the shit out of them. It's supposed to be steady. It's supposed to be steady. Right.

Because the music I'm listening to is not necessarily like rap steady maybe but like a lot of the stuff so I didn't feel steady but I guess it was Did you have like an epiphany moment Where you're like holy shit Supposed to keep time on these

I mean when I'm on stage I always have to have him in my eyesight In my peripheral to follow him Because he moves The time moves Uh huh You know hey Can I?

That's just part of the sound though Can I get your take up Would you mind throwing on those cans for a second So I can Uh oh Well it's just like your musicians So it's like, let's take advantage of this. So here's a newer guy, maybe give him a shot.

Fire. Fire. Yeah, this is actually the kind of stuff I like to listen to you. Yeah. Not for musical enjoyment, but, yeah. It's insane. Is this one of your weird bands you are? No, but this is like true outsider.

Yeah. Is this about how? How dare you? The kind of interesting choice is that he, songwriting-wise, is just actually laying out the whole story. Like he said, you know, you said to me that you found another guy. It's like R. Kelly. You know, so he's just, we were high school sweethearts.

Sweethearts said you couldn't stay because you had to move away so we tried long distance. Right. You texted me. Say that you want to wake up. I ask Y. You said to me that you shot another guy. Honestly, you know how, like, they say, like, humans and chimpanzees are like 97%.

Yeah. This is like 97% Noah Kahan or whatever that big, big, huge hit song is, like, stick season. This is like almost there. Almost there, yeah. Yeah. But that's a huge hit, and that guy's selling out arenas. When you tell this guy. if you had to get would you just be like keep doing what you're doing

I'd say just that river behind him jump I'd say drop so I mean you know It seemed like the other day You and I in the car laughing Windows down with the music Blasting

Waring sunglasses Watching as time passes Hey that rhyme Yeah this is okay right I mean you know It's different style Just different Just different towers

relaxed fit. Yeah. I want to see the stand-up version of this. I want to see people just bombing. You got it. Come to mothership on a Sunday night. It's called Open Mic. Yeah.

There's regular shows you can watch too. I know. There's a lot of it. You want to see a bomb though? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I want to see. I've never seen the comedy version of that.

It's a more, a stand-up bomb is more horrific than a music bomb. For sure, even live. Because even the fact that you could play, and instrument, some other sound being there, can kind of mask how poorly it's going. In stand-up, when you're just like, yeah. And so then it's just... You can physically feel it.

Oh, you physically. The whole room. The whole feel it. The anxiety. It's kind of suffocating. Yeah, the sweat, the flop sweat just starts. We watched, yeah, I watched somebody flop last night. Oh, really?

Yeah. Doing what, stand-up? Yes, I went to the Kill Tony show last night. Oh, one of the nude. And then, yeah, it was a hat pole. and there's brutal and Tony just eviscerated the guy. Yeah, of course. Which made it fun.

Imagine that for like 20, 30 minutes though. Oh my. Because that's a real bomb when you're up there. And there is no ding, ding, ding, your minute is over. 20, 30 minutes. And you're getting paid and you're the opener. And yeah, and you eat shit, but then the headliner kills after you. And then you hear everybody talking about how awful you were on the way out and shit.

It's brutal. It's brutal. I had a bomb so bad one time that like, I got, I was, I mean, I ate shit and it was a sold-out room. So it was like 300 people in there. And I was just pouring sweat. And I had hair, so it was like kind of stuck to like here. And I got off a few minutes early.

And then I walked. I mean, I was, you know, like a deer in headlights. And I walk around the corner and the manager. She goes, what the fuck? And I go, what? She goes, I thought you were supposed to be funny. What was that? And I was like, I didn't even, I couldn't even say anything.

I was like, I don't know. And the worst was that there was a second show, because we do like two shows in nighting clubs, and I bombed as hard on the second show. She was like, you're the worst. So when you say you bombed, was it because did you think you were being funny and the crowd just didn't get it? I mean, specifically this incident I remember so well

is that I was too new to open with the, I was opening with like what I thought was a very, you know, witty, edgy joke. and it just wasn't, it wasn't well-written enough and it was too harsh. So it was like opening with like the hardest-hitting thing and the audience was like, huh? And then even though I would go back into material

that I knew worked, it wouldn't work because they were just so thrown. The momentum was off. Yeah, it was just so off that, yeah, and I remember the next day, the only difference that I make, so I had to go back to that club the next day to do it again. Oh, my friend was like, just don't open. on that. He's like, just don't open on that. And everything

was great. It was totally fine. Yeah. It was a real lesson in like maybe not. Maybe you're not ready for that yet. Yeah. I remember doing what's called triple runs where you drive six hours a day in the Pacific Northwest and then you perform in bars at night. I did a biker bar. And at the time I was like trying to be real smart

because I studied philosophy and it was like first five minutes of philosophy jokes for the bikers. It was so like, I've always I bombed so hard, Tommy. It was like 20. I did 25 minutes set in like 10 minutes. And I was in the alleyway, you know, just crying. You're like, fuck, dude.

I bombed at the hospital one time. Really? What? I went with a buddy. He had his upright bass, and I had acoustic guitar. A friend had a fiddle. And we went and played for the people in the cancer work. And we were going room to room, you know?

And we went into this guy was all just hooked up to all these wires. You know, he looked like the back of a stereo. It's just like wires everywhere. and we played him a song and we're like let's play this guy another one. Sir, you want us to play another one? He said, I'm good. To be fair, if I was sick as fuck

and someone walked in with their acoustic guitar and I could do anything. That's almost like what's it called sleep paralysis. This little gentle lullaby for him. No, thanks. I'd rather this end now. Yeah.

I'm like, I'm so picky about music too that I hate. 99% of, you know, easily 99% of anything. Like, if you took everything on Spotify, I would hate 99% of it. Imagine someone not knowing that. And they're walking in and it's like, I've selected the song for you. And I know you're sick as fuck. Yeah.

It's no chance. It's fun to watch you, watch that. That's what I want to see now. You filled with rage as a disease tears through your body. You're just like, leave the room. Well, there was this thing. He couldn't reach the button to get the nurse. Committing suicide.

I think he's really relaxed right now. I did this thing for Vice News right when they launched where I was like their music critic for a month. And it was literally brand new, like Vice News. They didn't know, they didn't really know what this whole thing was going to be. Yeah. So it ended up with me just on headphones just shit talking. Everything.

I liked a couple of things. Is there anything you particularly enjoy right now that's been, that's come out in the last couple. What's the weird music you like? I told you mine. You tell me yours now. Well, but I'm saying something newer. Yeah. My stepdaughter is really into 100 gecks.

Oh. And I dig some of that. No, you know what? We've been doing these record hangs where we take, you know, kind of like playing old 45s. They're throwing a dance party, essentially. But only playing 45s. and that's kind of led us the last year into like a deep listening like searching for these

searching for these 45s trying to find songs that we'd never heard before that are that you know I guess the goal is to find something that should have been a hit that's not a hit right and so yeah that people hear and go crazy but no one knows ungoogulable yeah you know what I mean there's so many songs out there it's crazy so many songs every time you look you find something I think Brian Simpson was the one at the mothership that brought out the I'm Alive song. Oh my gosh.

That we started playing so much. But I had never heard before. I'd never heard that song. We hadn't heard it until last year. And our buddy Kelly Finnegan was like, you heard this Johnny Thunder song? Yeah. How do we not heard that? How did we not heard that?

It's the greatest song. It was such a great song. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's kind of shit that we play at these record hangs. It's been really fun. That's cool.

You know. It's cool because we'll invite like a friend to come do it with us. and then just, you know, take photos of like half the records and go buy them. That's cool. Friendly competition. Friendly competition. But it is like you're sharing like the secret. Like, do you know this one?

Do you know this one? Yeah. That's a fun thing to do. Yeah. Yeah. Are you guys friends with the insane clown posse? Never met them. Oh, well, they were in here and we love to ask musicians this question.

There's only two of you in the band. Have you guys ever gone airtight? I don't know what airtight means, but I can imagine. I mean, you guys are close. How close have you been? I mean, pretty close. Oh, okay. Nice.

I mean, nice. But on a check, you guys have gone airtight of her? You know, there's no air seeping out of her? You know what I mean? Wow. I thought that was called a Tower of Power. Oh, yeah. Well, actually, to be airtight, Gabe would have to join the band.

Because there's three inputs. But, yeah, Eiffel Tower, her, I guess. Is that a yes? Because you guys are kind of weird about it. Oh, shit, it is. Come on. Oh, my God. It said maybe.

It wasn't a no. It wasn't a no. They've been in the Bay of forever. They're rock stars. Wow. Of course they have. They're like, which city? What are you talking about?

That's so awesome. Yeah, which time. Yeah. Of course they've done that. That's so exciting. Well, transitioning out of the airtight story. Oh, okay. Do you

All right, I'll show you these clips Will you just tell me your honest reaction To whether you think this is horrible Or hilarious Really hard to watch Now, guess what, she's okay She's okay? She's okay?

Okay, yeah. That's, yeah, that's horrible. I find that horrible. Okay. Yeah. Agreed. Okay. Yeah.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. What that? Oh my God. Hell no. Hey! Hey! Hell no.

He's got his leg ran over. Hey, you enjoyed that. Yeah, that was great. Yeah. That was a good sign. That was a good one.

Yeah. He's drunk. God saves the drunks, right? Oh. That scream was horrible. That scream was really going to be great. It was too bad they cut it off. Oh.

It was just starting to develop there. Yeah. This is like... That sucks. Dan and I were just talking last night about like, what sick fuck, if you could meet the sick fucker that that was making the faces of death compilation? Yeah. In the 80s, who's responsible for that? I know.

I want that documentary. And I want to thank them because we love that shit in high school. And how did all the 14 and 15-year-olds get a hold of those? Right. So nuts. Dude, the goth kids love that. Where did you find that pre-internet? all those videos.

I know. That's got to be a story. And getting that tape around. That was awesome. Like for something that was on a tape for so many eyeballs to have seen it. It's not like sending a video around today. They didn't sell it, right? They'd have to understand distribution.

Right. They'd have to be a sick. Maybe this could, we could be talking about the singer from Bauhaus. Maybe the one. It's Peter Murphy. He did faces of death. Peter Murphy might have done people. But, yeah.

Where are they finding the fucking video? Right? And back in the day, you had to edit it, sit down. We're working on that documentary. That's awesome. I've never found a snuff film. What do you have? Is that a J?

Do you want to light it? Yeah, can I? Of course. This is your mom's house. We're not nerds. Do you have something to put in that? No. Help yourself.

I'm such a fucking nerd. Not at all. I made a record with Hank Jr. And he lit a stagar up in my studio. And I said, wow. no one's ever smoked a scar in my studio. Yeah. He said,

icons don't ask. Yeah, agree. That's pretty rare. Dave Chappelle doesn't ask to smoke six guys in the club either. Gucci shades. Of course. Chappelle is like so well known for this. They're like,

they're like, you can't smoke in here. And he's just like, huh? And I was at something with him. And I was like, hey, can I get one of those? Lid it up. And the guy behind the bar was like, hey, you can't smoke in here. And I was like, oh, okay. And then I just turned to Dave and I was like,

I'm going to put this out when you put it out. He's like, I'll put it out when I'm done. And I go, okay, that's when I'll do it. It was great. Wow. So fun. Yeah. They gave you strength, huh?

Yeah, totally did. I was like, you're doing it. So I'm doing it. You can, in a lot of places you can smoke on stage. Oh, that's nice. It's like a prop. That's right. If you had been by yourself, they would have arrested you.

A hundred percent. Get the fuck out of you. I was like, he's doing it. He would have been tased. Yeah. How is Noel Gallagher, you guys work. He's awesome. Yeah.

Funny as funny as fuck. Both those guys are funny. He's not only funny. He's cool shit. Like we just went to London and I sent him a text. He's like, you know, we're going to be playing in London. If you have any interest in doing a song with us, we were doing three nights at the same place. He's like, sure, I'll come out.

I'm like, well, which night? He's like, all three. I don't know. He said, I don't have shit to do. I'm like, we're also doing this TV show. the day before. If you're really interested, he's like, yeah. That's awesome.

So he basically spent a week working for free with us. That's amazing. That's cool. Well, here's this from today. This was, uh-huh. The answers are, look, the world, the world is a great place. It's just inhabited by, and it's the internet's fault. That's the way it is.

Right? True words never spoken. Yeah. I want that on my. Those guys speak truth. Yeah. We got to hang out with Liam last summer. We played a show together in Malone.

on and afterwards we were all staying the same hotel and it was one of those rare instances where we got the bro down with the other band and yeah he was and also there is the third Gallagher brother there I don't know if you know there's a third I didn't know about Paul Paul the older brother no Paul was there Paul Paul was hanging and yeah we hung for like four hours and yeah to this day like I get I get DMs from Paul like all the time like hey I see I see see you're in Dublin. You need to go here. If you want good Guinness, go here. That's so cool.

Yeah, they're the best. Do you ever, and be honest, because we're all friends now, do you ever make business calls on the toilet? I never have. Ever. I've sent texts. Yeah, text of course. You never done calls? Yeah. Yeah. Now, when you're on the toilet and you're on a call,

do you hit mute when you're not speaking and doing business of course wow it's normal you're normal this fucking lunatic but i mean i hit mute if i'm doing anything right if i use the sink if i yeah exactly if i just meet so that no one can hear what you're doing yeah especially if i'm fucking around i don't like when people are fucking around well he doesn't hit mute enough because he uses those air earbuds yeah yeah and sometimes his kids will come running into the kitchen i'm like Dude, I can't hear you. I can hear you. Oh, yeah.

No, she pisses and shit. It's actually sounds insane. It's just like, yeah. She's pissing. Flushing. That pee must be getting loud because it compresses. It's like. But here's a deal, man.

So we called our merge guy who I've been doing that too secretly. I've pooed and peed on the felon during our like hour long talks. He didn't, he had no idea. And furthermore, he was like, yeah, but I would never think that because you're a lady. Yeah. So I feel like I get away with it. What is it about this guy that you would? trying to lord over him like that.

Do you think I'm trying to like... What is this? It's not him. It's just I don't talk to many people on the phone. He happens to be like one of the three or four people I talk to. I never fucking... Who talks on the phone? You know what I'm saying?

Like, it's text, it's voice notes. Everybody mutes. Everybody meets. I guess. Not me. I like him to know what's up. Dan's a big phone talker. You are?

Yeah. He's old school. Yeah. Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone. I only talked about three people on the phone. My dad... Right.

Dan. Santa Claus. And Miss Cleo. Yeah. That makes sense. Drummers from what I hear are a little, are like, we are a little weird sort, no? Like slightly autistic, maybe a little. So, so I don't know.

Are you type A? I mean, I think, what's your thing? I think there's a lot of really funny drummers, like Josh Fries. Do you know Josh? Why does that sound familiar? I don't know. He plays with everybody. He plays, he's in food fighters now, but he also plays with like...

Do you blonde dude? Yeah. Yeah. He's hilarious. Yeah, I've seen that guy. He's an insane drummer, but he's also... Very funny. There's a lot of funny drummers, I think.

Yeah. Funny musicians. There's a lot of funny musicians, definitely, in general. I mean, I mean, Noel and Liam are both kind of, they can make you pee your pants, I think. Yeah, they're so funny. I wonder if they can drum. What's that?

I wonder if they can play their drums. Oh, for sure. They hang out, when you hang out, do you hang out together with them? No. No, they won't hang out together. You don't know this about the Gallagher brothers? I do, that's what I was making the, I didn't know if this was the year. That's a good question.

They're done. That'd be crazy if they hung out together all this. So it's like, I didn't know if this incident was hanging out together. No. Does the older brother, Paul, does he hang out with both of his brothers? I think he hangs out with Liam. Yeah. But, you know, we love all Gallagher brothers equally.

Yeah. True story. Wow. Okay. Do you know anybody that still eats their boogers? My son. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Actually, my two-year-old really, really is into that. Eating them. She's into also me eating, like putting them in my mouth.

No. Or transplant. Y'all transplant. Nourly. Boker transplant. That's the only, like, human being on Earth that you allow that way. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You're a kid.

For sure. I know, like, the other day, my. My boy chewing to gum, he's like, I hate this. And he put it in my hand, and I just hate it. Most people... Yeah, I don't care about their dokey. I don't care about their... I sit on.

They pee on the toilet seats constantly. I just sit down on the seat. Sometimes I forget to wipe or don't look. I don't care. Yeah, it's not like stinky old man pee. No, it's different. Basically water. Whatever.

I don't stink. Yeah, it is like water. Ew. I don't stink. Everything about you. you stinky now. Your peece smells like coffee all the time. Can your wives identify

what you've eaten by your fart smells? I wonder. Speaking of this, I was talking to someone about squirting another day. I mean, there's one, couldn't you just prove

what it is by just eating a bunch of asparagus? Right. Wow. I hadn't really heard that floated out there. I still hear the back and forth. Prove it. People adamant that it's pee.

People adamant that it isn't pee. I think it's pee. I'll just eat the, eat asparagus. Dude, this is such a good point. Wait 30 minutes. Or, bro. Homie, even fucking better

beats. Bro. Because when you eat beats, it gets right. Yeah. And then unless the color. I think asparagus is better. Because that smells

as a desirable. It could be. There's sometimes, you know. It could affect other. Let's try it. You're big time squirder. Why don't you do it tonight? Yeah.

I'm not scored a day of my life. You know what I'm saying? Can't score for shit. Check this up. This guy is trying to get out of going to the war in Ukraine. Oh, shit, dude. No, dude. No, dude.

No, bro. He's like, I don't want to go. Nothing. I can't. I can't watch it. I can't watch it. Guess what? No battle for him.

He's done. It's over. Okay. I can't watch that shit, man. Okay. Oh my God That was cool Tom That's what's

I think Was it Greg Allman did that Shot himself in the foot Did he really? To get out of Vietnam I would Or shot his brother in the foot Or something like that

Really? Yeah No shit Yeah That's crazy bro That is really crazy Honestly like That would be the person

That you'd want To send over there Crazy motherfucker He shoots himself You're right Yeah He shot himself in the foot It says right here

Like this guy would do anything I would Dude, I wouldn't want to go to No Fuck down I'd be out Dude, I go live in like Puerto Rico or Mexico

Or I'm out homie No my dad went down there And signed up Send me over there He volunteered Yeah Yeah Wow

What year was that 68 68 Something like something like So like after the TED offensive It was like It was all horrible And he went over

Oh yeah Yeah Fucking loves Marine Corps Right Well loved Yeah Yeah but like yeah He's thrilled

Nothing better than the Vietnam. Solid citizen. Really? Yeah. I mean, he loved getting out of there, but he fucking loved the Marine Corps. We had so many friends whose dad's had a real hard time over there. Like, I remember spending night.

I'm not going to make names, but one buddy's house. And the dad was just always asleep on the couch all day. And I was like, man, the dad's always really tired. He had a canoe hanging up in the garage just filled with Budweiser cans. Well, that was a different person to his dad. There was a lot of these days. one. Oh, yeah. There are a lot of the dads. Traumatized. Just, yeah. Yeah. One of the dads came over

to my house. I had a, like, a male babysitter one time, and he, like, and my friend was over there and wouldn't leave. And so the babysitter was like, get out of here. Hit him on the back of the head, you know, get out of the house. The guy's dad came over, took my babysitter, pinned him up against the wall. Yeah. Dang. Inside my house. Disavowed him on the, yeah. Yeah, I got crazier stories out of my dad. And as the, when I was a kid, I would always ask, what was warlike? He just wouldn't, you know, I wasn't, I was in charge. I wasn't really like that.

And then, there's incredible first person stories on YouTube that you were watching pretty heavy for. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. About how crazy the war is. Oh, yeah. Just crazy out stories, yeah. Yeah. Once I got older, he started telling me more real stories.

And I was like, holy shit. Yeah. Very crazy stuff. Oh. Yeah, probably throwing grenades into bunkers and pulling people out of it. And you're like, what the fuck? Yeah. But a lot of good comedians came out of having dads go to Vietnam.

You know what I'm saying? A lot of creative people were. Yeah, that's true. Traumatized children. Emotionally unavailable parents. He was kind of checked out. Was he? Yeah.

Yeah. Emotion out, yeah. Oh, I bet. Yeah. Missing in action. Of course. Kind of like, hey, dad. Yeah.

What do you think? He's like, what's that? What's that probably the thing I heard the most? What's, what was his, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, uh, what was, uh, he was, uh, he was Olympic weightlifting, which he loved, um, and then he got in, I mean, he was golf, um, you know, go on runs. He's a news junkie. We were, you know, we were always, he was always reading news, watching news. Um, he was like, intelligent, articulate guy. Um, um, um, he was like, um, um, he was like, um, um.

Chess? He loved chess. He loved chess. But he... Sounds like he had a good dad. No, he was a good dad. He was a great dad. He was a great dad.

And he also, he did that thing where I think, because a lot of Vietnam vets, you bring up Vietnam and they kind of like, I don't want to talk about it. And his thing was like, what do you want to know? And he would just tell you in detail everything. But I think that's how the trauma, like, he was still traumatized. It just manifested differently through him. For him, it was by talking. that I think and and by almost giving off the idea that he wasn't deeply traumatized.

And then over time you're like, oh, you're deeply traumatized by this. It's just, it's shaped you differently. It affects people differently, you know. Oh, for sure. Like his brother, my uncle, he flew 600 missions in Vietnam. Holy fuck. He bombed 600 times. And like, but his, he's not an open book about.

He doesn't enjoy conversations. You know? So how many years was he over there? My uncle? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, he was a career Air Force guy. So he's just there.

He was there a long time, flew a lot. My dad wasn't, my dad was in action over there for like six, nine months. But he was in the Marine Corps for longer. Right. Yeah. Did he get injured over there? No. No.

He didn't get injured. He was the lieutenant. So he had a platoon of like 70 men. But yeah, I think what really actually fucked. him up the most was losing men and i mean like that's the thing that stuck with him seeing people right next to you die oh man yeah yeah my dad he's retired now but he was a he worked for the acrim beacon journal as a writer and the last couple of years that before he retired he was the one that would cover all the any soldier that was killed and from northeast ohio so he's just like

going to a funeral like you know you know i guess every couple weeks it's just It's got to be you down. I think it really was hard for him, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's, I mean, to be around that, it just has to be so sad. Oh, man.

Yeah. I had a bunch of friends that, like, literally five, six friends that joined the National Guard when we were, like, 18, 1998, so that they could get the GI Bill. Mm-hmm. And all of them had to go to Iraq. No. Fuck.

Fuck. That sucks, dude. I think it was like a six-year thing, reserves. And it was like, they're all just about to be done. And they all was like, I can't think, I mean, there's no, none of us probably go like, oh, that'd be a war that I'd like to be a part of it. Like, there's no war where you're like, I'd like to be involved in that. It just all sounds horrible.

Yeah, I mean, no. Yeah. Especially in our lifetime, I'm saying, you know, like, for some reason, like, you know, you look back on. how World War II played out. It's just a different... Yeah, that's true. You're like, what are we fighting for right now? Like, what are we doing?

But, yeah, World War II, it's weird because everybody's grandfather was in World War II. Yeah. Yeah. But that really felt like good and evil kind of, right? Yeah. Well, that real knucklehead. My grandfather was also, yeah, he was an officer.

He was a PhD in, uh, in organic chemistry but his role in World War II was a in the army was he was at Fort Bragg and he was put in charge of you know trying to build a

Japanese pillbox so they could figure out how to like blow it up so he was given like this part of land to to build this like structure and a bunch of dynamite and it was just solid bedrock he said he spent a grand or something. He said he spent like, you know, three months and they'd only gotten down like

four feet. They're supposed to go down like 40 feet. So he kept asking for a different part of Earth to fuck with. And he said he spent the whole war just blasting a hole that never was really insane. It sounds kind of fun. Blows shit up though, right? Well, I just feel like that type of, uh, maybe like, you know, I don't know. Insane. task. Yeah. Like, yeah, maybe there's a lot of that in the military. Yeah. Definitely. Well, um, for people that want to see you guys, are we going to be hitting the road? We were supposed to be this fall and that we had a whole tour that, uh, that was actually doing really well. But our manager told us to cancel it.

Because they had a better idea. Managers often do? And then there was no other idea. Oh, that's cool. So we don't have a, we also don't have, we don't have a tour and we don't have a manager. Oh, right. Because we've parted ways with them yesterday. Oh, congratulations.

So this is a hot scoop. While we were here. Yeah. Okay. Good. You heard it here first. Oh, yeah. We are, we're free balling.

Blackies, looking for management. There you go. But congrats on the new album. Thank you. Thank you so much. We can stream and purchase and get it anywhere you can, anywhere music is available. Yeah, Napster. But we will, we will for sure be putting dates up.

We'll be on tour. We're going to do some stuff this fall. We're going to try to, you know, we just did this tour of Europe where we did, like, we're doing like 5,000 seat rooms, multiple nights. And it's like the first time we were playing indoors that wasn't like an arena. And it was just infinitely more fun. That's awesome. So I think we're going to try to do some of that this fall and more of that 2025 and do some festivals.

And yeah. And we've been throwing these record hangs. We'll be doing those throughout the fall. Well, I'll help you come through Austin. We'd love to come to the show. Oh, yeah, we will for sure. Thank you. Awesome.

Thank you guys so much. Thank you. Thank you, Lou. You guys are awesome. Thanks, guys. Thanks. On record for a moment. What is this place?

Anyways. What is this place? You don't need to join. Oh, I'm the old documentary. I don't care. This is America, you dumb, son of a bitch, okay? You dumb, son of a bitch. I'm a private person.

I'm a fucking American, you're stupid fuck. I can ask you anything I want. I can tell you no. A fucking baby raper on your face, okay? Cockceter. You're the one that's like a baby raper. Baby raper. What's up there, Tomo?

Listen here. You fuck, my fucking deter. How do you get a job here? There's a fuck-a-ha-ha-ha-ha. But not by talking like that. But you know what? You're fired, bud. Okay?

What are you saying? What's up there, Jomo? You're talking to me. I'm a fucking American. You know what? You know what? You're touching my camera through the fence. You, a faggot.

I'm going to talk to the sheriff's department about you, buddy, okay? Go get him. Go get him. Oh, fuck. Catching my camera through the fence, you a faggot. You know what? You're fired. You didn't follow.

What do you get a job here? You don't know what I'll call in? Yeah. I take cops badges all the time. You know what you're talking to? Retired double agents here, you fucking return. You fucking return. You fucking deter.

You just lost your life as far as your job goes. I told you, dude, you're preventing my life. I told you job. You're preventing my fucking life? Job, bitch. That's not what you said after. Well, we're changing it to job. Did you take it out of context there?

What's your name anyways? job bitch job bitch see you see these wire you just got your job there buddy it's baby vapor on your face close okay ta-ta there returter

he didn't follow a proto buddy you're done catching my camera too you're gonna eat you a faggist ta-tah there returter you fucking return how do you get a job here there fuck face

Talks out there. Hey, you just watched an episode of your mom's house. I hope you enjoyed it. And if not, watch another one. Maybe you'll like that one. They're everywhere. Look, I don't know. They place them in, like, cubes or squares or whatever this is.

Just click another one. Maybe you'll find one you like. Or someone will get hurt, and everybody likes that. Don't forget to subscribe.