Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Raised by a MILF w/ Nick Thune | Your Mom's House Ep. 760

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

SPONSORS: - Go to https://www.squarespace.com/MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM Pull your jeans all the way up over your head because Tom Segura and Christina P are back for another week of Your Mom's House Podcast! We start off with a really cool guy with a really cool chicken joke before get into some benefits of how bad Christina's memory is. Tom and Christina also talk about overhearing confrontations from much more volatile marriages and show some video clips of their cool bathroom. Then, we welcome our guest, comedian Nick Thune who is currently touring with fellow comedian Nate Bargatze and he's looking quite fashionable these days. Nick and the Main Mommies talk about pop music, bread, parenting, accents, sitcom acting, Apatow comedies, hot moms, and things kids do that are just super annoying! https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Your Mom’s House Ep. 760 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. That's the sound of unaged whiskey transforming into Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey in Lynchburg, Tennessee. Around 1860, nearest Green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for a smoother taste, one drop at a time. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at TNVacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. You know when you're Puerto Rican you're just Puerto Rican. Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House know when you're Puerto Rican, you're just Puerto Rican. Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. If you're Puerto Rican, you are just Puerto Rican.

That's important. That was Rosie Perez. That was. She's very proud of being Puerto Rican. She talks about it all the time. She says she's Puerto Rican above everything else. For sure. Before being a woman, before being an American, before being an actress, she's Puerto Rican.

That's how I identify if I were to, I'd be proud of it. It's pretty cool. If you were Puerto Rican? Yeah, I kinda wish I were. You don't feel like if you're Hungarian, you're just Hungarian? I mean, yeah, I am representing that culture, you know what I'm saying? Mi cultura, but I kinda like,

I would rather be Puerto Rican or Mexican. I think I'd rather be Mexican, honestly, cause I like their aesthetic a lot too. Yeah, you're LA kid though. Right, Angelino Cholo stuff is fun. What would you identify as if you didn't have to be Peruvian American? Maybe Italy.

Oh, Italy. Italian. I don't know. It's a fun culture. It is a fun culture. I like their food. I like their language. Oh my God. I took such a violent shit this morning.

That's very nice. Thank you for sharing that. You only take one and you keep thinking about it. And you're like, how am I gonna go on with my day? Cause it was so, so violent. How are you gonna go on with your day? I don't know. I'm still reminiscing about it.

You know? Yeah. I'm serious. Do you think know. I'm like still reminiscing about it, you know? Yeah. Do you ever, I'm serious. Do you think about one, like when you have such a major one? Yeah, sometimes there's massive ones that completely ruin your whole life. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. It's traumatic.

Yeah. Like I need to process it. Yeah. It's fucking wild. Right. And you know what? You wanna know something interesting? You know how women, when they get together, their cycles sync up? Yeah.

Heather had diarrhea this morning too. Wow. I'm sure she wanted that out there. I know, sorry, I just realized that what I like in the world isn't what she likes. Hey Heather. Sorry Heather. Hope your diarrhea's taking care of itself.

Hey Christina. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Sorry, Heather. Yeah. Sorry, Heather. All right, real quick, just so you know, June 7, I'll be in Kansas City, Missouri at the Starlight Theater. June 8, I'm in Camdinton, Missouri

at Ozarks Amphitheater. June 12, in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, at the Mohegan Sun Arena at Casey Plaza. What a mouthful that is. Now, thank you so much, all of you, for going to the shows. Tickets are at tomscuro.com slash tour. Christina. Well, I'm going to add a bunch of other dates, but with a funny bone in Orlando,

Florida, August 16th and 17th is up for sale. ChristinaP on Line.com. There you go. We'll kiss you. That's great. We'll hold you and kiss you, Mark. Kissing you and holding you. All right, so there's dates. There's things you got to go see.

Now, let's get into the show. Are you ready for the opening clip? Here you go. Always. Here you go. Always. Here you go. Yeah, what's up? I went to Twin Peaks restaurant yesterday because I heard there was a hot chick there.

After I got her number, I ordered a chicken breast sandwich. I told her to hold the chicken. You know what I'm saying? This shit is big time! Always random. Oh, wow. Don't bring anyone fucking to this! Yo, mom where the fuck is dad? Welcome...

Yeah... Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura. Tom Segura. And... Christina Pujitsi. Christina Pujitsi. Welcome to your mom's house. Fuck yeah.

So you don't often get a white guy saying it, but you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? But I can't tell you of all the cool guys we've had. Yeah. I think this guy actually saying it, but you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? But can I tell you, of all the cool guys we've had, I think this guy actually fucks. Oh. And I'll tell you why. Tell me. The gold chain.

Wow, I was drawn to it too. Right? And like the shirtlessness. And look, his backyard, he has a backyard. Most of these cool guys. Horrible angle. For sure, it sucks, yeah, but he don't care. Horrible angle, poor lighting, his back lit, but poor angle poor lighting is backlit. It's fucking

It's not good. It's not and you think he actually delivers isn't that good, but I think he's Actually cooler in real life, and they don't rain you know pain Yeah, he probably does get like he fucks like that's what you see when he's on top of you. That's what he's showing you yeah Mm-hmm he fucks wow his name is Jerry. That's what he's showing you. Yeah. He fucks. Wow. His name is Jerry. It's cool that you're attracted to him. I didn't say that. That is a version of saying it. That's what you just said.

You're reading into it. No, you're saying it. No, no, I'm saying as my dad is a cool guy, I know all the signs. Do you know what I'm saying? Let's just put it this way. My dad was shirtless a lot in the 80s and lots of gold chains.

That's like the calling card and this guy is probably the same age as my dad. It's the generation that he's in, the boomer cool guy. Boomer cool. Well, he actually does have your dad's vibes. That's what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying? Tan, shirtless, got feathered gold. He's still blonde.

He bleaches his hair. Yeah. Oh, for sure. My dad would bleach his eyebrow, not bleach, sorry, dye his eyebrows when they were graying. And I don't think he knew how to do them well. Of course. Because I just feel like smeared brown dye for days.

I'm like, dude, that's not how you do it. Go to a professional. It's like I do it with myself. I'm like, don't. Yeah, it looks crazy. You look crazy. Did, do you think your dad would order a chicken breast sandwich and say, hold the chicken?

No, that's gay as fuck. Yeah, that's tacky. Yeah, that sucks. Hold the chicken. Hold the chicken. Just the tits. But do you think Top Dog would have said that? Yes.

Yeah, and he would have been, Uh, yes. Yeah. And he would have been, he could never get through a line without, you know, feeling guilty or laughing. So he had been like, chicken breast sandwich. Hold the chicken. That's how you would do it. Yeah. You see what I said there?

Yeah. Yeah. He goes, because it's a chicken, you go, I fucking got it. Yeah. You don't have to explain it. You see what I said there? Yeah. You go, yeah, he goes, because it's a chicken breast. I fucking got it. Yeah. You don't have to explain it. God. God, my hands are sweating.

I know. When you did that, I got nervous for him. And then he'd tell you about it like 26 more times. Remember when I was in the restaurant? Yes. And you told him to hold the chicken on the chicken breast? I do remember. So then I was just ordering a breast sandwich. Got it. Yeah. You'd be like, are you explaining

this to a fucking kindergartner? Yeah. Why are you saying it like this? Oh, God, I'm so anxious. Um, do I repeat my stories a lot? Um, I feel like I'm a repeater, but it's because I forget. Yeah, but you have like the memory of someone with dementia. Like you've never had a great memory. I forget. Yeah, but you have like the memory of someone with dementia. Like you've never had a great memory. I know. Ever.

Goldfish. No, like ever. I know, but do you, I know. Honestly, I think it's because I have so many holes in my brain from trauma. I think so too. I think a lot of kidnapping victims are like you. Because you were like this in your 20s and 30s. Yeah, honestly, it's because I do think, like developmentally, I think I have a trauma brain.

Like I'm fucked up. I think you're actually, that's actually a good point. I've never thought of that until you said it though. I never thought of that until now. And now I'm like, oh. Yeah, because I had like literal holes in my brain. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's true, till you do.

But it's kind of nice. It's also why you forget things. Yeah, like Dory, you know, like every minute. It's true. I tell you do. But it's kind of nice. It's also why you forget things. Yeah, like Dory, you know, like every minute is a new thing. Hey, over here. What was that? Hi. Dingle, dingle, dingle. Hold the keys and you're like, what's that?

Totes. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of nice. It is kind of nice. It works for me, you know? Yeah. You know?

You don't repeat. You have a memory of, it's unreal. You're like June 2nd, 2011. I know. At five o'clock we went here. I'm like, oh wow. Is that good? You think it's a curse or is it a?

Well, I think it is a curse because forgetfulness, philosophers say that. It's kind of nice. I kind of wish it wasn't so on point. You need to forget. Yeah, you need to forget to move on. You might have that disease, a disorder that that famous actress had where she can recall everything.

I know about that. Do you know about that? Yeah, there's about 11 people on earth with that. You don't think you have that? Fuck no. What they have is a true curse. It's actually not. I mean, it's cool to watch for a second.

It's this, I forget the actual name of it It's a it's a neurological condition where they have Photographic memories of every second of their life of every single second you can read off a 45 digit number and they're not oh, I'm trying to remember the number they just go they'll just read it back to you Yeah, a further graphic memory. There it is Hyperthymesia also known as highly superior autobiographical memory I would kill myself if I had rare condition less people remember almost every event in their life with great detail including exact dates Yeah, the exact cause of hyperthymesia is unknown

But some theory suggests it may be biological, genetic or psychological. There's no way it's psychological. No way, Jose. As of 2021, only 62 people in the world have been diagnosed with the condition. Yeah, that's like ever. So-

It's a real rad. Yeah, the funny thing is that she was an actress, most other people are not actresses. So she would read a script once. It's amazing. What a great, yeah, to be an actor, that's a perfect job. Like for real, read it once and then she was like, yeah, I got it.

Yeah, I can't memorize scripts to save my life. If I didn't write it, I can't remember it. She could also remember, you know, exact things that everybody said in the conversation. I kill myself. So if you go, well, remember that day I said, and she would go like, no, this is exactly what you said. Like that's kinda creepy.

Torture. Yeah. Fucking, and what a nightmare to be married to somebody like that. I know. Cause then you're like, remember that time? Yeah, we fought, and then you said, and she's like, no, I remember what the fuck you said,

you asshole. Cause you have to forget to forgive. I, and thankfully, cause I'm a Dory, like I don't know what you said to me 10 years ago. But you said you have to forget to forgive. And thankfully, because I'm a Dory, like I don't know what you said to me 10 years ago. But you said you have to forget to forgive, but the expression is forgive, but never forget. Never forget. You should always remember what your spouse did

and bring it up constantly. That's how marriages stay healthy and they thrive. I know. It really makes you understand when you hear about somebody's head getting put through a wall though. You know? Because somebody's like, hey remember and they're like, yeah I fucking remember you. It's just BAM. Yeah. We're heading into the final rounds of the NBA playoffs but there is still plenty of time to get in on the action with my partners at Draft King Sportsbook. Right, all new customers who deposit just $5 will get a no-sweat

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one no sweat bet per new customer, issued as one bonus bet based on the amount of initial losing bet. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. See dkng.co slash bball for eligibility, wagering and deposit restrictions, terms and responsible gaming resources. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online.

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Yeah, we've lived next door to them before. Oh my God. On both sides. To the left and the right. And there was fucking 18 inches between our homes And you just hear Or when the spouse is telling a story and then the other ones like no you didn't order the chicken salad you had the marinara Sauce on the thing remember no, he went in your like why is is an important thing to correct them on yeah I know I hate it so much dude who you marry is everything it can fuck your life up so hard

Yeah, fucking man. It's the most important decision You're gonna make is who you fucking marry both of those by the way that we live next door to yeah Over here was a real see you next Tuesday Yeah, the girl. Yeah, wait, wait, which one you're thinking, you know, sorry. I know I know one this How many codes the water the the water slide family? Water slide though this pool family. Yeah She was a see you next. Yes, what I just said. To him. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah, and then on the other side, he had a real fucking animal. They would throw things, hit each other. They're violent. I'm taking a train back to Pennsylvania. Like, you know, a woman being violent too, just for this, like, you know, without getting into too much detail,

there was a woman in this scenario who was violent. I'd be taking a pee in our bathroom and I would hear them. Yeah, and you're like, Jesus Christ. But it was because alcohol was involved. I know, but you would hear this woman go, oh, you fucking ungrateful little shit. And you're like, huh? And then you just hear like, boom, boom, boom, boom.

And you're like, holy fuck And then you just hear like, boom, boom, boom, boom. And you're like, holy fuck. Yeah. That was scary. Yeah. And that's weird because I grew up in kind of a shitty apartment complex. I should have been hearing a lot of that there. And we weren't in a low,

we were in a tiny guest house in a very high income place. Do you know what I mean? Like I'd hear drunk people yelling and stuff, but not like that. Like violence, that's weird. I didn't hear a lot of that, you know? Yeah. Which goes to show like your socioeconomic status,

I guess doesn't affect that domestic violence. No, it happens at all. It happens at every level. For sure. I just thought rich people had such great lives. Like, why are you so angry? Where are you? But apparently not.

There's domestic violence there for sure. Yeah. Yeah. It happens at everywhere. The thing is that like usually at that level, like the higher end of the economic ladder, it just goes goes unreported, or it goes without punishment a lot of times. You know what I mean?

That car is not gonna get called, and if it does, the cop's gonna be a lot more forgiving. Traditionally, they'll go, everything all right, and it's like, yep. And they're like, okay, good to see you, Mr. Johnson. Just neighbors were saying there was a little bit of a ruckus, and he was like, yeah, I to see you, Mr. Johnson. Just neighbors were saying there was a little bit of a ruckus, and he was like, yeah, I know, the kids are acting up.

And they're like, okay. Right, but if it's like a poor neighborhood, then they're just like, get the fuck out of here, and they kick the door, move out of the way, bitch. And they fucking just go in there and they don't give a fuck. I mean, that's just how it is. Even if the cops do come to the poor I don't know yeah, cuz I remember like when I lived in the apartment complex with my mom in the valley

Yeah, like it was all it was all immigrants and single mothers It was like total fucking lower middle class stuff, and if some motherfucker I remember like if somebody this drunk woman one night. She was like like screaming like It was two in the morning morning and my mother was like, what the fuck is this bitch doing? Let's go see. And I was like, let's go see.

And I was maybe eight years old, like Ellis's age, and she took you at two in the morning. And we just walked to this woman's front door. And my mother was like, what's going on with you? Why are you screaming? She's like, I dropped my ring down the toilet. I dropped my ring and I'm trying to get my ring. And my mom was like, well's going on with you? Why are you screaming? She's like, I dropped my ring down the toilet. I dropped my ring and I'm trying to get my ring. And my mom was like, well, you need to shut up.

We can't sleep. I was like, dude, that's like how you regulate. Yeah, your mom's crazy for doing that though. And an immigrant. What was she gonna do? I know, but still, it's like two in the morning to go, let's find where this screaming's coming from. It's bananas.

She was very confrontational. I know. That could have gone. That's what I coming from. It's bananas. She was very confrontational. I know. That could have gone. That's what I'm saying. It's real risky. I know. I remember one time when I lived in this apartment complex in Carolina,

I'm in my room and I hear a woman just screaming and then the guy screaming. And I realize we're in the apartment screaming and it's I realize it's we're in the apartment complex and it's happening I'm up here it's happening below right to the apartment next to us so I called 911 because it's going on and it's crazy and then I'm like yeah you know it's chaotic and I hear this fighting going on and they're asking me all these details and then I'm chaotic and I hear this fighting going on and they're asking me all these details. And then I'm like, and the craziest part is like,

I'm rock hard to hear her scream like that. Oh yeah. And then I tell the 911 operator, you know? Yeah, you're like, I'm so fucking hard. I'm so turned on. And she's like, oh baby. And then she talks me through it. Ha ha ha ha.

What a weird night. It was weird. But the police came in and then the guy, the cop, he went over there and then he came over to our place and he was like, I heard about how you turned on your on. Yeah. And then, yeah. And then what happened?

He kissed me. Yeah, it's so hot Yeah, and you guys went for it. Well. I held his gun and he jacked me off. That's amazing Yeah, what a good what city is this I can't say but it was North Carolina Yeah, well with the good police department, North Carolina Yeah, it's a great state and did he call in the other guys to come and get it on it to like the radio his friends Did he call in the other guys to come and get in on it too? Like, did he radio his friends? No, he just kept it, he's like, this is our little secret.

And then he whispered in my ear and I was like, okay. What a story. Yeah, that was a crazy story. By the way, speaking of hard-ons, did you know that, because I was in Carolina recently and we're in Texas, that you can't go straight to Pornhub anymore in certain states, you know about this? You're in Texas as well.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. People are devastated. Caroline and Texas, like if you go to Pornhub anymore in certain states. You know about this? You're in Texas as well. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. People are devastated. Carolina and Texas. Like if you go to Pornhub, can you pull that up? This is very upsetting news. We're in Texas. This is what you get. And you get a similar thing in North Carolina.

I don't know how many states, but as you know, your elected officials in Texas are requiring us to verify your age before allowing you to access. Not only does this impinge on the rights of adults to access protected speech, it fails strict scrutiny by employing the least effective and yet most restrictive means of accomplishing Texas's stated purpose

of allegedly protecting minors. So this is a whole statement about that. And then if you scroll down, I believe what I was told is that you have to, like, you have to like use your ID. I think you actually have to like scan your driver's license, which sounds insane to me. It's a good- And then they know exactly what your J and your D to.

I mean, you have to give your driver's license to fucking- To jerk off? Yeah. That is wild. Is that what it is? Is that what you're doing? Is that what you have to do? Yeah. Or, I mean, I think there's some workarounds for like, like it says here, content partners.

So if you're like uploading stuff or you can just use a VPN. Oh, right. So what happens if you If you hit If you want to see this site, what do you have to do? You have to sign in? Yeah And to sign in do you have to is that we have to you have to give a license or you just create a profile? Let me let me check here's what I also want to know. How many states are doing this? It makes sense that they would do the license thing. That's how they do it on gambling sites. Really? They're just making porn

sites like gambling sites I guess. I guess you're okay. Um, yeah, how many states are... It says Texas, Utah, Arkansas, Virginia, Montana, and North Carolina. Okay, so not that many. One, two, three, four, five, six. That's still so fucking nuts. I mean, I get, I get Utah. But again, the work around, it's like, okay. Montana's kind of surprising. There's like 100 people there. Why do they give a fuck?

Yeah, they must be conservative. I guess. Utah's religious, we know that. Everyone's trying to fuck a horse up here. Carolina, yeah, it is It's just moral policing, you know I know, it's all the bullshit It's so weird. Procrastination.

Yeah, so ExpressVPN if you don't know Promo code mom Any of the good VPNs, what it does is it reroutes your What's it called? Your, I guess. Your IP. Your IP. So you essentially are tricking their page

into thinking like that you're not here. It was like, oh, this is somewhere else, right? So you're, it's a workaround for seeing, usually you go like, oh, hey, you're in India. You wanna access a different nation's Netflix you can do that with your VPN so this is another thing you can do with a VPN is Not let Texas know you're in Texas or Utah or Virginia or Arkansas, North Carolina, and I encourage you to do that

Fuck those places for trying to police you. Yet on Twitter you can see anything. Are they policing that too? I mean it's so easy to see pornography. I don't even let our kids on YouTube because there's that maniac making videos of his asshole that we play. I'm like, do you know what I mean? They're like, can we go on YouTube?

I'm like, no, if you know what's on there. Yeah, no kids should see that Don't let your kids on YouTube. You see that fucking guy and also The hey, this is informative. Yeah Nonsense here dude. Yeah, I'm just I'm just trying to teach people about how to wax your asshole. Okay. Thank you Such a fucking. Yeah. Tom, do you want to show the video I made of our guest bathroom? We talked about it last time.

I just want to follow up, you guys. I here's an actual video of the guest bathroom we talked about. It's a kind of an homage to Top Dog. Yeah. So this used to be a space that was just kind of like storage. And we did something in the guest bathroom and then all of a sudden we had no guest bathroom on the floor of our house. So we went for, we're like,

let's make it a guest bathroom. And then we were like, why don't we try to make it fun? Yeah. Why do something like that? Two comedians. So it's also, it's accompanied with the screams of our children in the background. So no, this is the good part. You can actually see what it's like, it's accompanied with the screams of our children in the background. So no, this is the good part.

You can actually see what it's like to use our bathroom. This is exactly what it's like to be in our home. This is the nightmare of my life. There's the true mirror. Yeah. Yeah. There's my dad saying, oh I hate shitting on planes. And there's Jillian, hey mom, it took me...

And there's the toilet with the bidet, so if you come to shit in our house, there's a remote. Which I really do. That was my dad again saying as much as I enjoy taking a shit, which I really do. Yeah, so there it is. There's the guest bathroom. It took me about four takes to do it because Julian will not let me out of his site for more than 15 seconds. That's what you heard. Mom, mom, hi. I'm like, I don't leave. Why do you guys think I leave? If I leave, I'll fucking tell you, stop. Sometimes Alice is in the living room and I go to our room.

Hello, dad. He goes, oh, I just didn't know if you were here. Do you think I left the house, dude? I'll never leave you. I just walked out of the house. He was like, I just didn't hear you for a second. Okay. No. You know what's fun? I totally let just didn't hear you for a second. Okay. No.

Okay. You know it's fun. I totally let them do stuff that you won't let them do. And then I'm like, listen, when dad comes back though, don't do this, okay? What? Like what? Well, you're gonna get upset.

That's okay. So like water balloons, I let them hit like our garbage cans, like a target practice. It doesn't bother me. You sure? Yeah. I was like, oh, dad would really fucking hate this.

No, that's not true. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, I let them like target practice. And then they're making a potion in the front with a hose and like a cooler. Yeah. And they dug up our dirt in our landscaping and they ripped up some of our landscaping plants.

Yeah, that would have bothered me. Yeah. But I told them to stop when it was getting out of control because it always gets out of control. It starts off as a fun game and then it escalates into chaos. Yeah. Yeah, so there you go.

Yeah, I know. And then my dad comes back, can I do this one, okay. Yeah. It's really cool. Hey, you ruined the landscaping of the house. Yeah, dad's not a fan But but don't you remember doing that as a kid and thinking it was like the most fun Yeah, it's so fun to dig dirt and like make potions and throw shit and sure

Yeah All right, let's take a quick break. Okay. And we'll be back here in a moment. Where is my? Right after these words. Right after these words. I don't have the whatever, man. Whatever, man.

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New things can be scary, and crypto is no different. It's new, but like the internet, it's also revolutionary. Making the first time, give it up real big for the info on Kraken's undertaking to register in Canada. And we're back and it's time to welcome, for the first time, give it up real big for the great Nick Thune everybody. Yeah, dude. Thank you. So glad you're here. Yeah, first time.

First time also though, we were just talking about, and I had actually thought about this separate from you being here today, about comedians with great style. Oh. And dude, you've gotta be in the running. I mean, come on. I hope so. you being here today about comedians with great style. And dude, you've gotta be in the running. I mean, come on. I hope so.

Yeah. You've always had it. I don't know when they're gonna let us know. They're never gonna tell us. Cause they don't care about us enough to tell us. But. It would be great if there was some sort of an article or. Dude.

Anything. That would mean so much to me. Hair. The clothing choices. Shoes. Tats. Hair, the clothing choices, shoes, tats. Your whole vibe. The whole vibe is very stylish. And I would argue too, you were cool when you were in your 20s, and now you're even cooler

because you've got these cool finger tattoos I see, it's low key, you've got a gold tooth thing. They're all henna. Wow. The glasses are like fashion forward, but are they also glasses? They're glasses. Wow. Yeah, the glasses are like, Yeah, you're just. fashion forward, but are they also glasses? They're glasses. Wow.

I mean, yeah. There's a bit of a contact shortage going on right now. I don't know if you guys Is that true? dabble in contacts. No, I don't. I mean, at least that's what my eye doctor's telling me. Yeah, I did.

I've never worn contacts. So I am waiting for the delivery. They're on their way. Yeah. If, you know, I love it. Anybody wanted to donate their contacts to me to wear. Just to borrow even. How bad is your vision?

Emergency contacts. Yeah. Is your vision bad? It's horrible. Okay. Has it always been shitty? Yeah, since I was young. It's funny too, because I saw a photo of like me,

like my baseball picture when I was like 11, you know, and I'm wearing glasses. And I now coach my son's soccer team and there's a kid that wears glasses and it's like, oh, that's the glasses kid. Yeah, yeah. You know, the glasses kid. I didn't know I was the glasses kid. I bit the same thing though.

I had these circle glasses that I guess I'm wearing right now, but you know, when you go into like the attendance office at your school and you're like waiting and they they have last year's yearbook on the coffee table. I was like, oh, let me tell you a look. And I get to my page and my photo is circled and with a line and it says Mouse Boy. Wow. No other markings in the whole book.

In the whole book, just Mouse Boy. Mouse Boy. And I have these in my ears. I mean. You fast forward many years and you're a comedian. But yes, that makes sense. Yeah, it's what made you. But back to your fashion sense,

was this always an intuitive thing? Like, because I do remember, I remember actually being in Silver Lake, man, like close to 20 years ago, seeing you there at the, remember the back, what is it called? The back breakfast? Oh, the back door bakery.

The back door, oh so good. And I was like, who's this fucking cool cat? I have some memories from that back door bakery. Me too. It was great. Cat's Place, I mean the food was amazing. I felt like it was the filthiest place on earth. It was, yeah.

Yeah, I've worked in restaurants and I know filth when I see it. The floors were dirty. But it was delicious filthiest place on earth. It was. Yeah. I've worked in restaurants and I know filth when I see it. The floors were dirty. But it was delicious filth. The pancakes crushed. All the pastries were amazing. The scones? Scones?

They had an orange almond croissant that I'll never forget. They had a croissant. They also made this croissant breakfast sandwich with the fried egg. And they had the grilled onions that had some type of seasoning to it. They kind of caramelized them out of this world.

Then BriBri would always get the pancakes because they had the fruit compost thing and he would eat like fucking three, and he weighed like 150 pounds. Oh yeah, we all kind of did. Jesus Christ. Now I'm on the Ozempics. I ate three meals this week

and I was very upset with myself. Oh Jesus Christ, why are you eating so much? Three meals a day is for pigs. Three meals a day or just this week? Well, this week, yeah. I was very, and then I had half a pop tart and I flogged myself for that one. Oh and that's just cause the movie's coming out

and you're getting excited. I know. Yeah. But back to what I was saying. Yeah. You had your fashion forward then. Do you feel like you were, were you inspired? I know you're from Seattle, right?

So like, that's a whole scene. Oh, that explains a lot. Did that influence a lot of your- The style up there is no good. Well, it was like, it was a singular kind of thing though, right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, but if you walk around up there,

you're just like, oh Jesus, what's going on? Like, you know, like people like Friday is like, where your Seahawks Jersey to work day and like everyone's doing that. And it's like, you don't have to do that. You don't have to wear that. Um, but sorry. No, I, I, I just realized at some point when I like, you know, it's like when you see somebody that's in good shape and you're like, I wonder like when you see somebody that's in good shape and you're like, I wonder what they did. I've actually asked the guy, what are you doing? He's like, I swim.

I'm like, oh, well, I'm not gonna do that, but what else? Yeah, yeah, sure. But you figure it out. And I just remember I saw somebody that was dressed well and I was like, I wanna have clothes like that. Just to wear around. And what if they were comfortable sure, you know So then I just started finding clothes. I like that. Did you actually like

Talk to somebody you go up to say where'd you get that? Yeah. Yeah, see that's what smart You know, like that's the thing about life. It doesn't matter whether you're talking about clothes or career stuff or whatever It's always the person who goes. Yeah, I just walked up and I asked somebody Yeah, cuz everybody walks around going like, I can't ask somebody that. No. Or I don't want to look stupid or I don't want to. That's what you got to do. You just got to walk up to people and be like, hey, I got to ask.

How did you do that? 95% of people will be like, oh, you would. Yeah, here, let me tell you. I do that with happiness. I saw this guy, he just looked so happy and I walked up to him and I said, what'd you do? And he said, I'm seven years old. Yeah. And I said, well, how'd you do that? Yeah seven is do you remember how happy you could be as a guy? How do I get back to that? Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm playing in the you know what playing outside?

like sometimes you see these fucking people on social media and they're just like dancing in a public square and Post-it you're like this fucking idiot. Yeah, and then you that they're so happy. Dude, fucking our kid, our five year old listens to pop music a lot, which I'm like, I don't really like. Anyway, it's this Justin Timberlake song about dancing and it's in my soul, it's in my, I'm happy. And I'm like, dude, I never feel like that. Like I listen to that music and it makes me angry

because it's so disjointed with how I feel inside. Jesus Christ. Well, yeah, it's so disjointed with how I feel inside. Jesus Christ. Well, yeah, it's just not a resonant. I mean, look, I like Bauhaus because that resonates with, you know, the vibe inside. I mean, I'm more of a, I like Justin Timberlake's acting stuff,

but his music, you lost me at that. Yeah, I like his acting stuff too. I like watching him. I'm a J-Tim fan. I don't know. Do you feel happy when you listen? Well, he has very fun, catchy songs. So the song that he's talking about.

It's in the Trolls movie. He asked me to play it all the time. I can't believe I can't think of it right now. Isn't that the I'm happy? Isn't that Pharrell? That's Pharrell. This is a different song. It's in my bones, dancing in the mother fuck,

we look it up, Justin Timberlake. It's in the Trolls movie. This is the thing with age though, it's the same thing with fashion. I now can remember like, oh hey, remember this made you happy, and then you can do this when you're not happy. You know, and you like learn over time,

like oh, when I go camping like once a month, that does kind of keep me grounded and happy. Can't stop the feeling. That's what it is. That's what it is. Dun, dun, dun, dun. Can't stop the feeling. Yeah.

No, yeah, that's a fun song. I mean, that song makes you also think of other songs that are in that genre. You know what I mean? It's very Michael Jackson-esque kind of song. Yes. Where it's pop, it's dance, it has great rhythm. So a kid is gonna hear that and be like, for sure. No, it's good.

It's a sign that our son has good mental health. Yeah, if our kid was saying, well, this does not resonate with how I feel inside, it would be an alarming thing for a five year old to say. It's funny to let them make a playlist. I do, we do. Yeah, and the songs that come up on that are just like. The funny thing is when you have, like we have two,

and they're two and a half years apart, and you realize that one of them just fucking loves music. And you're like, this is, it's the younger one. Loves music, always is requesting, play this song, play that song, makes playlists, and he's like, here's songs, goes, will you put this on my playlist? All this shit, and then the other one's just like,

yeah, whatever, like, you can just tell he just. Could be a psycho. Dude, it could be, it could be. He just doesn't, he's basically like, yeah, yeah, this is all right. Yeah. But he doesn't. Think of other people you know now that don't like music.

Oh, dude, I know, I know. I can't imagine. So troubling. There's some people that I now that don't like music. Oh dude, I know, I know. I can't imagine. So troubling. There's some people that I know that I'm like, they just don't care. I know. I couldn't even know what band they would like to go see or something.

I know, and it's like, or when I go, who's your favorite band? I don't know, I listen to everything. Everything, you don't have an inclination towards one, that to me means you don't really love anything, if you love everything Yeah, but what if you like what if your favorite bagels and everything bagel? That's the deliciousest one. No, I do love that. I'm a salt bagel guy to be honest. Wow

Well, because everything bagel destroys your breath for the entire day the garlic. Oh, it's done God if we talk about bread enough, I think you could just get me to go. Hey, man Just fucking throw in the towel give up and just go just get a bakery move in there Just weigh 400 pounds. Who are you kidding? Just go for it bread is so I mean when you get it when somebody brings Brett like the What's that place that has like the bread? That's like at the shitty TGI Fridays or whatever. No, like the, what's that place that has like the bread that's like at the shitty TGI Fridays or whatever.

Panera bread? No, like the dark bread that's at like, I don't even know. Cheesecake factory. Cheesecake factory bread. Oh yeah. The dark bread with the seeds on top, like the sunflower seeds stuck to it.

I don't know what seed, there's something on it, but it is, you can buy it actually. You can buy it at stores. I don't know what it is. It's so disappointing. Oh, fuck off. Yeah, this sucks. Ugh.

Yuck. It looks so dead. Take that off. This is the most offensive thing you've ever put on this screen. That's disgusting. That's disgusting. Dude, are you swinging email me that link?

Ugh. Our friend. It's so upsetting. How long are you here in town? Five hours. Five hours? Oh my god. I was like, I'll just do a layover.

Fuck. I wonder if they're... What day is it? Monday. Monday. I wonder if they're open. Man, Wolf and Wheat are friends. Yeah, it crushes.

Philip and Margarita, they're both chefs. And she's a pastry baker who like unbelievably talented. Ah, they're close. Take a look at some of these pics. Bro, she makes this, that's her. She makes this sourdough that is. Ooh, I love a sourdough.

You'll rip your tits off, it's so good. So you can get them fresh from her, but she also, she dropped off. It was made that day and then she was like, just put it in the oven for, I forget, like a few minutes at four. So it comes out like you just baked it, like warm. And it's very hard to not devour the entire loaf of bread. Sourdough is good for you though.

That's what I told myself as I ate it and it was coated in butter. That brown bread, there was this awful restaurant in LA called the Good Earth in the 80s where it was like the first health food restaurant and that's the shit they served you. Just high fiber. It's high fiber, yeah? It's not good, that brown bread. I don't know if there's fiber in that at all to be honest. There's nothing in it. I don't know. Whenever they try to spin that this bread is good for you, you're like, okay, sure, I'll eat it. I mean, sourdough, I don't know what it is about it, but that was also what people got really into making over the pandemic.

I know. I can't do it. Yeah, that was a thing. Tom Papa. Tom Papa, I gotta say, I gotta give him his props though. I had heard about it, and then he gave me one, and I'm like, you make bread, dude? And then he dropped it off and I was like, this is unbelievable.

It's so good. It looks like it tastes good. Yeah, it's really good. It'd be great if he gave me some. He didn't give you any? He hasn't given me any. Wow. Yeah.

That's hateful. What part of town are you in? Silver Lake. I'm too far east. I haven't left since you saw me. That's just, I probably saw you there honestly in like. I actually live right there now. I haven't left since you saw me. That's just I probably saw you there honestly in like I actually live Right there now. I just moved to a house right there really right in that same neighborhood. Yeah You know what? I loved living there. We love living there

I heard they took out the aggressive gay bar next to the Trader Joe's We used to walk past it and they had it. He's a what was it called? Yeah, every fucking Tuesday was. Oh, Rim Job Tuesdays. Yeah. But what was the name of the bar? Next to Trader Joe's. MJ's, MJ's. MJ's, that's right. Oh, now that's a tenant of the trees.

Yeah. One time, like, because we'd heard about it, we would walk down, you know, it's Hyperion, right? It's Hyperion. And she was like, I went into that gay bar today, MJ's. I went, how was it? She goes, there's a giant picture of just a guy's asshole over the bar. I was like that's what's up

That's what you got to respect. This is what we do here So cool and the bathroom stalls are like, please don't fuck in the bathroom stalls. Yeah, like this place crushes Yeah, it's and it's not even like a don't it's just please don't you know, you know if you have to be considerate We don't want to mop up Jews. Yeah. We do. We do. This is all right. We got a guy that he actually looks forward to it.

I miss that neighborhood. You look amazing. Do you do self-care stuff? Do you really go over the top with it? My ex-mother-in-law was really into face lotion. Oh. Is that one of the secrets? And she told me in my 20s, she was like,

if you just put lotion on your face every day, then you won't. Wow. And I don't know, I mean, I'm 45. So what were you thinking? You're like a baby, 35. How many decades older do I look than Nick? Oh my god. Do you put lotion on?

No. No, but here's the, regularly, no, but I started to. I started to travel with it. I travel with one that has, it's like a lotion that also has 45 SPF in it. Oh yeah. So I'm trying to do that. If you're traveling, you wanna,

you get your skin from flying. It just gets so dehydrated. Yeah. But yeah, I have that. And I even have like, I mean, this is so dumb, but like under eye cream. Yeah. I don't even know what it does. But I It's part of my routine. No, I just put it on when I run out. I order more and

I don't know what's happening. That's great. That's great. Look great. I got this fucking guy He's 57 I saw I've seen this guy. Yeah, wash my face with cold water. I Drink an anti-aging smoothie, fruit and vegetables. Number nine. Positive mindset, having good mental health, lots of smiles. Okay.

There's moments where it really comes out. Skincare. Just over these five tips to turn back the clock. Okay. And Botox, filler, plastic surgery. Yeah, those eyebrows. There are just like little moments where you catch the 50. Yeah, yeah.

I saw some 50. And then they change the frame. And it's not the hair. I mean, the hair that he's got that, we don't know what's under that. I don't know what that is at all. Plus, I think having kids ages you so much too. Like you don't sleep.

I haven't slept really in eight years, you know? That's why you gotta get divorced. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Get those weekends free. You get half, you know, 30%. By the way, I've never, we have like videos and then there's like, you know, the what, like the details of it.

It just says, Edson Brandow, who is a 57 year old health and fitness creator who's gay. Like what? We guessed. And an author about biohacking, bookseed, he's broke, he's written includes smoothies rejuvenate your body and mind, the most effective way to lose weight and detox

and young after 50. I really loved it. It was like here's this guy he's also gay. Yeah so not important. That's Tanner. So have that know that while you're reading the rest of it. Yes yes okay yeah this is um. But you know who wrote it is crazy Tanner. Did Tanner write it? He lived in a bin., Tanner's our chief researcher here It makes sense. Oh, wait, that's on your Yeah, that's zero relevance He's uh, hey, here's a guy who's talking about he's also gay. I wish that it just said like this gay, dude

Yeah, who talks about yeah Jesus that's hilarious, man We get it. Oh, fuck. Very cool. And the hair too, I mean, what does the hairline look like without the bangs being pushed forward?

We know, we know your secrets, bro. But you know what? It looks good. Let's give them those props. But here's what you can do. Whiteen your teeth, always whiten your teeth. Get your eyebrows done. They look neat.

Good eye wear, good hair, makes diff. Yeah, it makes a big diff. The teeth thing is a big taking care of your teeth. I don't, I should be doing a lot more. My dad has had to have like a ton of dental work recently. Really? And he's like, please just don't be this when you get older. Really?

Yeah, and it's so simple, you just go in and get them checked. Sure. It is like this easy thing to delay though. Everyone's like, dude, every six months, and you're like, eh, maybe nine months, maybe a year, and then all of a sudden it's 18 months. Six months is aggressive.

I say once a year, fine. See, that's the bullshit about glasses, is they make you redo this every year? No. Or else you can't buy them. Which is like, what do you, you think I'm gonna go out and overdose on glasses? Like I just let me all decide when I need more.

Yeah. You know, like in Japan, you can just go like to a kiosk and just without any prescription and just say what you want. And get those. Yeah, because who's lying? Yeah, why? Yeah.

No one's lying. Yeah, I also. It's a scam. So glasses are relatively new to me. It's only a few years where like, I was like, oh shit, I'm squinting to read things. And then I've had every year, you know, they're like, oh, you need to up it a little bit.

So I just got these and I was like, oh, can I get the prescription, like what my prescription is now for glasses? And they were like, yeah, we'll send it to you. And I was like, I can't leave here with it. And they're like, we'll send it through like an email. And then I go, so I don't even know what I'm. Through a quarter pointed.

Yeah, and I was like, this is very strange. Well, they allowed me to buy that from them and get them. And then they were like, yeah, we'll send it to you. And then the next day I was like, no one sent it to me and they were like oh yeah we'll send that to you and then they sent it and they go but you have to log in through like a portal. Yeah the fucking portals. It's because they don't they want you to order everything from them. I know. They don't want you to be like no I just got these glasses at this other place and I want them to

fulfill my prescription. Right because that's where the money is, is getting the glasses. Oh, so expensive for frames. Holy cow. It's a lot. You gotta be kidding me. And then they're like, do you want like the lame bullshit level glasses or do you want like some good ones? Do you want to be able to wear these if you star in a movie? Yeah. They're camera ready and they're scratch resistant.

And then they keep offering like, do you want them to have the light reflective thing or do you want like shitty light to hit your eyes? That's how they do it. No, I want the light reflective thing. Well, no, it is. But you know, like all my glasses, I get them like camera so they can be on camera because they're there. That's a big thing. Like the reflection. Yeah. You know, yeah.

But it's just like, here's how we up the price, right? So then you go, cool, I just have a pair of glasses that's like $3000. You're like, great. I know, it's such a fucking lie. I finally got a pair tinted. I was like, just tint them a little bit so I don't have to feel like I'm always being seen.

Yeah, that's nice. Oh, that's smart. Like when I travel, I like that a little bit more than just like, you know, wearing full sunglasses, which is what I really would like to do so that nobody could see me. Hide. Yeah.

Wow, hide. That would be nice. How long have you been divorced? Five years. Wow. How does it feel, five years? It's good. The relationship is great. It's it's to me I mean, I I'm really in love with my life, you know, like I I made a lot of changes five years ago

So I got sober divorced like everything at once like just like let me just clean everything up and start over Wow Yeah, that's awesome. And it's good I mean, it's my time with my son is I love it so much. And when I see families that can do it, I'm like, I wish I could have done that, you know? Yeah. But I really do when people are like, God, I wish I could sleep.

I'm like, just get divorced. And get that rest. It is really, it's exhausting parenting. It is, yeah, it's constant too. And I also hate people that sit behind parenting like it's the hardest thing in the world because people that don't have kids, they're just like, I don't, you know, I don't care. Yeah, they don't care. You did that to yourself.

Yeah, we did do it to ourselves, definitely. I know. You truly have to own it. It's like when people, it didn't just happen to you. And then there's people who also try to claim that multiple kids just happened. Oh my God. And they're like, we just got pregnant.

One oopsie, I get. I just had a friend that had their fourth. Oopsie? Yeah. No, they wanted it. And I'm like, so you know you've had it three times and you know what you're getting into and you wanted that again.

I know, I just had a friend my age who had her fifth. And yeah, three years ago, so she had 44, got pregnant with her fifth boy, fifth boy. Imagine that, dude. That's crazy. Fuck, like two boys is like 20 dogs. Like they're just insane tearing up your house. Three kids, I don't know how people do it.

I don't know how, how do you? It's amazing having one kid. It's so, I coach a soccer team, I'm like super involved. I couldn't imagine being like, and I gotta go hang out with the other one now. No, hold it's exhausting. And then you multiply that? Yeah.

No, dude. No, two is enough, I think two is good. Right, cause you're still, there's always like, when I'm alone with them on the weekends, like we take turns traveling, so Tom will be alone or I'll be alone. And I counted my steps yesterday, like just being a mom, 7,000 steps.

Just like up at six, just walking to the kitchen, going downstairs, making a grilled cheese. I'm hungry again, making more stuff, you know? All day, you're just going. It's a lot. Yeah, it's exhausting. Yeah, weekends can you lay down much. Yeah weekends with two of them is fucking yeah, it's crazy, bro That's a lot on one person when people have two kids like I dated somebody that had two kids and I just had my one And it was like obvious the difference. It's like Yeah, that's hard. That's way harder. Yeah, this is super easy

I feel like one kid always needs your undivided attention? Like at least with two boys, I could be like, okay guys piss off go play on the fucking front lawn Go destroy my property. Just go. That is the one bummer. Yeah, cuz then they're always like, what are we doing now? How about now? Like do you just watch a ton of movies? We're just always doing stuff for sure. Yeah, but I don't I feel guilty if I'm inside with him. I'm like, we gotta go somewhere. Even if it's like, let's just go to the bookstore, whatever, we gotta go and do stuff.

But I'm so used to it. But yeah, if he had another kid to play with, but now he has friends. That's nice. Which is like, can I go to so and so's house? It's like, yeah, great. So they'll be in charge of you for, this is great. Yeah.

How do you schedule, is it tough to schedule road stuff? Do you have to like? Yeah, it, I mean, I just take, I just accept things and then have to rearrange everything. But my ex is really great about like, if I don't, if I can't be there and you know, she wants to have them. She wants to have them all the time. Yeah.

You know, just like any parent would. So would so like great. That's awesome, man Mm-hmm. You guys live nearby your clothes. Yeah close enough. Yeah. Yeah, cool He goes to school in my area because it's kind of a cool school But yeah, but like he's in public school, which is like thank God I have friends that are like they live in places where that's just like you can't do public school and it's like that's 40 grand a year. Oh, yeah. It's like well, okay in places where it's just like, you can't do public school and it's like, that's 40 grand a year. Oh yeah. It's like, whoa. Okay, yeah.

I know, it's real. Mm-hmm. I know. LA fucks a lot of people though. Like school districts. Oh yeah. Then you get like the really special ones that are like everyone,

people move to that neighborhood to go to that school. That's where I'm at, yeah. But then the private schools, I remember in our neighborhood before we moved here, they're like, well, you need to get on the wait list three years before kindergarten. And I'm like, wait, what? And then he'll sign his anti-racism pledge as a kindergartner and he will begin school. Oh, and then they asked me what my kindergartner's pronouns were. And this was just like the local private school down the street.

I'm like, I don't know. He he doesn't know he doesn't know where his asshole is yet he doesn't think about pronouns like fuck you it was so funny like last week my son got kicked by a kid in a soccer game and I like went out there I was like you all right and he goes she kicked me and I go he and he goes they kicked me yeah like like it went to like, I was like, it's like, all boys on the field right now, you know? So let me correct him. Then he just like, he was like,

no, actually let me do you one better on that. Wow. Hey. Smart kid though. Yeah. Dang. Yeah, that's sharp. Fuck, that ain't happened in Texas though,

I'll tell you. Nah. They don't play. They haven't brought that up here yet. Nope, that hasn't made it. Fuck. That's funny, man. Well. How good are you with accents? I'll tell you you don't play they haven't brought that up here yet. No, that hasn't made it Well, how good are you with accents are you pretty good so bad really I had to do I've had so many I've had to turn down so many auditions and so many part even like parts like because I'm like I just can't do it Yeah, and I'm not gonna try cuz it's embarrassing that this point. So that means your ear probably isn't very tuned at decipher, like are you bad if someone has a strong accent at understanding what they're saying?

I do like, I do put on a lot of subtitles for sure. Yeah. Yeah, me too. I do it too. Sometimes they send us these videos and if somebody's speaking English, but with a strong accent and then we try to decipher Somebody speaking English but with a strong accent and then we try to decipher Like I don't know if it's strong or not. I haven't played it yet. So this is a bakery. I guess they're they're making their Their promo for their what they'd make there. Let's see. For anybody that's been watching us for a pretty while up here in Shetland We hit the shot doing the shot and the tank. Wow. Today we open up We are with fresh heamed bed home books. Just look at them. They're so good We've even got a crookie in the under.

There's everything you can possibly imagine. It's good in Shetland, please come along and say hi. In Shetland, where's Shetland? Honestly, the first like four seconds, I was like, oh, is this Latvian? Like I didn't know it was English at first. This shit looks good though. It does look really good.

The stuff, the Northeast is the one that really gets me. Really? Yeah. Like Maine, the Northeast is the one that really gets me. Really? Yeah, like Maine. That's a weird one for me. Yeah. It really kind of does weird shit to my ears. There's a, I think that's kind of in the region of it's called like the mid-Atlantic accent. Yeah. So they have, that's where they say like one instead of one, you know. Remember that clip of that one was like, typo negative, it's my favorite band. I don't know how they talk. Typo. Typo negative.

Typo negative, yeah. Yeah, it's a weird one. A little like the Pittsburgh. Yeah, that's it. Yins, yeah. Yins. Don Tan. I remember I had to do a. Jagoffs.

That movie Walk Hard, you know? Yeah. I love that movie. I went in and like read for a part in that and it had to be a Southern accent. It was like a guy in the band or something. I think actually like Matt Besser ended up getting the role or something. But I got a laugh in my audition

that I know was not based off of my comedic paralysis. Really? It was basically like, wow. You can't do his accent. This guy is, and he looks like he's trying. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He walked into a building and he looks like he's trying. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, shit.

He walked into a building and said, I can do this. How is it? Because you've done a lot of acting work. Yeah, none of them are accent. But are you somebody that like, I've heard all these things about actors with auditions. Are you somebody that like embraces the audition? Or, because I feel like the natural thing

is everybody goes to his audition and they're like, oh fuck. like that's what I think everybody does like fucking audition yeah the first time you hear about it it's like okay and then you start doing it and then you're like okay yeah I can do this and then when you're driving away from doing it you're like I'm so glad I did that like I'm glad that I that you went and put everything into that and walked out of it because at each time you know it's like doing an open mic or something when you're like learning comedy.

It's like, that's if you're not, I actually heard Michael Keaton say this, like, you know, when he wasn't acting, when he was like not getting parts, he would go up at the comedy store because like I could perform. You know, like that's when he was doing comedy, which he didn't do very long. But also he's like, every audition was like

my opportunity to act. Like that's the only time. So if you put everything into it, it's good. But I don't like do the dress. I thought you were gonna ask like, so do you dress like what they say the character is like? But I don't do that at all. No, I just meant that like, I think you just hear,

I guess, you know, maybe I'm just saying things that I've heard from a few people, but I feel like most people's energy when they talk about auditions, it's usually like, they're not excited. They're usually like, there's a fucking audition. But I also hear people, and I've seen those clips even on Instagram of famous actors being like,

no, I fucking embrace the audition as like this opportunity. I tried, yeah. Well, in a business where you're unemployed for so much, it's like, okay, I got something here. I got something I can hold on to that will make me feel like I did something. And it really does make an impression on the casting people. Like those, the people that end up hiring me,

the most are the ones that have like seen me come in and like, oh, he's trying like he's really doing it, you know, but it's, it's one of the hardest things to do is auditioning. It's literally in show business, I would say the, this is why I don't, I don't enjoy act. I don't enjoy acting, but I remember one time one time, it was a major network. They were talking to me about doing a sitcom, right? They were going to make a sitcom about your life based on my first hour. And I was like, this is great. Okay, yeah, sure.

And then they're like, can you act? And I was like, sure. And I don't know. And they're like, okay, well, we're going to give you a script and then just come in and do this. And it was like all the executives at the network in the middle of the day in a sunny room. And I tried to prepare.

And it was just, I just, you know, you just feel like you just took a shit on the floor. I was just so embarrassed. And I was like, and they're like, well, you're better than Jerry Seinfeld. That's all you have to be is better than Jerry Seinfeld. And I was like, okay. That's a good note. Yeah. That's good.

And I'm like, I'll get into class, but I'm better than Jerry Seinfeld. I just have to be better than Jerry, is what they said to me. There's that clip of him being a guest star on the show. Have you seen that? No. You gotta find that where Jerry Seinfeld is a guest star on the show. Have you seen that? No. You gotta find that, where Jerry Seinfeld is a guest star.

It's on one of like, what was the big, one of the black sitcoms of like, you know. Like Martin? No. No. Like a prior generation. Like. Cosby, Different World.

One of the. How about What's Happening. One of the, yeah. About what's happening. One of those. Good times. But you can find him and you see him come in and you're like, man, it's like notably bad acting. That's me. You know, it's like whoever booked him on that

is because he was the client. They loved his stand up. Yeah, he was a client of like the manager that was producing the sitcom and you're like, man, this guy, like, he's terrible client of the manager that was producing the sitcom. And you're like, man, this guy, because he's a terrible kind of actor. He's a terrible actor.

But I think every time that I've had an audition and I felt really good about it, they've been like, no. And then every time that it's been like, I don't think so, I get the call, they're like, oh, I thought you were great. I'm like, really? Like, it almost has never lined up.

Maybe one or two times I've been like, that was really good, and then they said so too, but most of the time it hasn't been like that. I had the same thought this morning because I auditioned for something on Thursday or something, and I was like, oh. Oh, Benson. I fucking loved Benson. like oh Benson is I'm fucking loved Benson Oh Benson why am I the only courier who has to drop his pouch here in the kitchen cuz you're the only courier trying to sell jokes to the governor I've

got some topical ones. They'll kill the holy men. That's what I'm afraid of. Oh, that's so bad. Come on, Benson. Do you know why a priest crosses himself? To get to the other side. Too Catholic?

I've got one for each denomination, except Lutheran. You know, I never met a funny Lutheran. I never met a funny Okay, I like thinking of like the audition where he goes except the Lutheran, you know I've never met a funny Lutheran Well, this is a sitcom so let's do that again that again. That's how I would have done it. You know, I've never, oh God. I, yeah, I look back at like the big ones

where I was so nervous and it is that what he just put together. Like I can only imagine that he was shitting his pants that whole time. Oh yeah. He was talking different. He wasn't talking right. It's like all that, like I'm saying this about him, I've had way worse auditions.

I even did a sitcom once where, it is by the way, when you, I did a sitcom where I had a guest star. No, I remember. Oh my God, dude. I remember. And I was like so fucking, you know, I felt like when I get it, and you did rehearsal, I was like, yeah,

in my rehearsal, you get the laughs, and you're like, I got this. But right before, you're kind of still like, you know, like it's like the butterflies of going to do a big show or something, you know? And then we shot it, and I actually got laughs in this thing. And then they're like, yeah, you know, it's on whatever Tuesday or something. OK. And then I watched it and they cut the talking.

So they just they showed me walk in. And I was got a laugh. And like right before I was like, they cut the thing. And then I walked off and I was like, oh They just they cut the line out exactly my I'm in knocked up, right? really and I have that exact moment and It was like I met with Judd and he was like, I'm gonna put you in I'm give you a part There's like really no lines, but you can like do whatever, you know, and I did it was like a whole day I was so nervous. It was in the valley like so hot and like

The exact same thing that I go to watch it in the theater No one ever told me anything and there I am like I walk up to camera I'm still in the credits and it says like what's-her-name's friend or something and then in The I ended up watching the director's cut like I wonder if they're gonna say anything. And in it, Judd goes, oh, that's Nick Thune. And Seth Rogen goes, yeah, he's a funny comic. And I was like, that's better than getting a line in the movie. Yeah, that's awesome.

Yeah, that was, but for years, every credit, every comedy club I went to, it would say Nick Thune knocked up outside because it's like my number one IMDB. And it was just like, yeah, it's fine. Let him think that. Yeah, it's fine. They're like, he's probably one of the roommates. Yeah.

Sure. Yeah. Yeah, I got cut from Workaholics 2. I had a fun scene with all three. And I think they just either cut me completely or they cut all the dialogue. Yeah. Yeah.

So I was like, oh, okay. But you do like the, then there's the gold of being that one person that has an iconic line. Yeah. Like I remember Jerry, I don't remember his last name, Indian guy, and he, I think it's, is it a knocked up? He goes, oh, fuck a goat, go fuck a goat. Jerry Bednob.

Oh, no, that's the one with, that's the 40 year old virgin. And all he would have to do, we were at the Laugh Factory or whatever casino gig I'd be with him, and he would just say, oh, go fuck a goat. And the place would just like, ah, you know. That was like Kyle Cease and the slow clap.

Yes, slow clap. Oh my God, yes. Remember him? Yes. Remember when that comedy, like his like lessons came out and there was that video that was like, there's one million comedians.

Like it was like all of that like. Intense. Yeah, there's five working right now. Yeah. Do you wanna be one of them? He pivoted really hard into that, like coaching, like life coaching and- Yeah, then he pivoted, I think, even more into the like,

yeah, the not even comedy. Yeah, it's like seminars about, or yeah, about like just being a, how to live a better life. Yeah. Yeah, that was really, yeah, that's fucking, yeah, it's funny when you get like the, I also feels like we've moved on from having a big line

in a movie or a part. Like people just don't even respond to movies like that anymore, especially comedies. Comedies aren't, we've been in like this kind of down slope of like, you know how comedies like, you know, Knocked Up was like cultural kind of down slope of, you know how comedies like, knocked up was like cultural kind of event. You know, 40 year old, those are like cultural events. Comedies come out now and it's like, I don't know,

maybe they stream or maybe they don't, but they don't seem to have the same impact where you're like, I saw that fucking guy in a movie. I think like memes have replaced that. Like the guy, the pandemic big dick guy, that guy was a moment. Yeah, yeah, oh, the black guy. Yeah.

Yeah, I showed my son Zoolander and he was like, they're like, wow, he's like, I'm not your bro, bro, or whatever that line. And Townes, my son goes, that's a meme. He knew. Yeah, like he knew a line from Zoolander from something he saw on YouTube or something.

God, that movie's so funny. It's so crazy that when your kids start, like our eight year old was like, I don't know, that's kinda sus, bro. I'm like, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? Skibbity toilet. He's like, it's real sus, man.

I'm like, okay. Or I'll go, you know, we're going're going to the movie or he's like let's go Like all these little slang expressions yeah, my son threw out no cap That's any's mm-hmm. Yeah there he was he has a VR like you know I think and he had he had like three friends over to spend the night And so it's like me and these four kids and it's 1 a.m. Like they're they're trying to pull an all-nighter like listen guys. I've got to go in the room he had like three friends over to spend the night. And so it's like me and these four kids and it's 1 a.m. Like they're trying to pull an all nighter.

Like, listen guys, you gotta go in the room. You could just at least move to there because I'm gonna go to sleep. And so they go in the room and I'm just kind of standing out there listening. And they were doing one at a time VR and the other three were just watching them. And they're talking to somebody,

they're talking to people through the VR. And I heard one of them go, ask him if his mom's hot. That's right. And I was just like, things are good in there. Yeah, that's a good time. Do you remember when you're in school and you realize that one of your friends

has a legit hot mom? That was my mom. That was your mom? Really? Yeah. We always felt like weird for that kid where you'd be like, you know, cuz everyone's mom you're like Mom, right? I didn't even know until that's the thing. You can't know someone told me Just so you know, it's like so you guys were all My mom he's like, yeah. Yeah still still Wow

My dad was the hot dad and so when he would come pick me up all the teachers would be like What's up with your dad? Is he single? Yeah, my second grade teacher really was into him really really wasn't him Yeah, and and then my friends moms would be really into my dad. So they were all sizing you up They're like I could live with her So your mom's a smoke show. Yeah, she was. What does she look like? Can you give us some details?

She just like, if you see her in the 70s, I mean, she just looked like the perfect, like, you know, kind of like wavy hair, skinny, really pretty. Yeah. Oh. I look, I look a lot like I come, like I look like her side.

And did she dress foxyxy like to come pick you up Like tight. I don't think so. I don't remember any anything that she wore while she was a mom Yeah, I remember the makeshift the pictures. I've seen of her beforehand. I'm like, oh, yeah My mom was hot like my dad scored like that was yeah My mom used to wear this house outfit which was a tube top and then this green to wear this house outfit, which was a tube top, and then this green skirt. And her tits were enormous, like so hangy and floppy and enormous.

And it took up so much of my mental space every time I would see her big, floppy, sloppy tits. And they would hang down? Oh my God! Don't you remember that when you see your mom, did your mom wear like house clothes, like schmutzas and and you'd be like That part of supportive bra ever never at home not at home during the day Yeah, but but when you the minute you get home the bra comes off. Yeah, you know your tits hang the tube top came on

It was a red tube top Those tube tops are when somebody's wearing a tube top with no bra and they have huge but and they're like it's like Kind of hovering somewhere in the yes sternum area Yes, like so where are they where do they start and where do they end and god damn it? How do I get involved? Big fucking tits on my mom. Yeah, your mom had Real tits. Yeah our kids I even tell our kids about it and they're like, can we see your mom's boobs? I'm like, I'll find some pics. Yeah. Yeah, you tell it. What do you tell them?. And they're like, can we see your mom's boobs? I'm like, go find some pics. Yeah. Yeah. What do you tell them?

Cause they're like, mom, you got big boobs. I'm like, you know, I had bigger boobs. My mom had bigger boobs. I'm like, my nonna had the biggest boobs. And then they started laughing. Your boys are talking about your boobs? Oh yeah. My little one will just poke at like,

my mom, mom, are these boobs? Oh, and then the other day, I was sitting down with them reading a story and then he grabs my back fat, the little guy, and he goes, is this your boob? My back fat. I was like, thanks. They really know how to point the best stuff out.

Claws, yeah. They were looking at a photo of me and a football player that came to one of my shows and they were like, how strong is he? And I go, I mean, I don't know. They're like, well, can he pick up like a car? And I go, no. And they go, but like, how strong is he and I go I mean, I don't know they're like, well, can you pick up like a car? And I go no And they go but like how strong is he I go he's really strong and then they go but like how I go

Well, he's stronger than the average man and they go so he's stronger than you and I go. Yes Cuz you're like average. I was like cool, but you know what? So average man, it's like so I'm not like a weak man. Yeah, that's But you know what? I think so average man. It's like so I'm not like a weak man. Yeah, that's Yeah, nice spin on that. I like it. Yeah, I'll take it. It's all perspective. Anytime somebody says man too I'm like, oh say that again Up here in shitland we hit the shot doing the shot and the tank wobbit That was the opening by the way. One more time. Up here in shitland we hit the shot doing the shot and the tank wobbit Up here in shitland. Yeah, we hit the shot. I'm gonna hit the shop. Yeah. in shitland we hit the shot doing the shot and the tankwobbit. Up here in shitland?

Yeah. I'm gonna hit the shot? Yeah. Take a shit, hit the shot. Take a shit, hit the shot. Up here in shitland we hit the shot doing the shot and the tankwobbit. And the tankwobbin. Oh that's just a part of my tackle box.

I was like. I'm a tackle box. Hi, there you go. That's a killer accent. That is. Fuck, that's English dude. That is. I'm a killer accent. That is. Yeah. Fuck, that's English dude. That is. And what the fuck are bucks?

New Orleans is also an interesting. I don't like it. Oh, yeah, that accent? Yeah. Yeah, if you get into like the real outside of there, you get like Bayou stuff, the Cajun. Yeah. You know, like there's the famous Sandler, the water boy. Oh my God. But that is like just an exaggeration of reality. There's a guy that like cooks crawdads and shrimp. And I'm like, I see him on TikTok and stuff. And he's like this white dude and like mullet that he just talks. The way he talks is like that.

Yeah. And he's just like, it's so entertaining to listen to and talk to. The best thing that ever happened for is that, so Ed Ogeron used to be the head coach of LSU, the football team. And he's from Louisiana, but like from like Bayou shit. And so they loved it. It was a hometown, you know,

a Louisiana kid became the head coach and he would do press conferences, like, cause they all do press conferences after games and he was like, well, and, and as he was talking, the closed captioning would be, if you read it, it's just like some guy and it would say like, the Afghani missiles are launching, cause they didn't understand what the fuck he was saying.

If you could find Ed Ogeron press conferences with funny closed captioning. In like a spy movie, that's how they get messages out to spies. Yeah, that's right. It's a clever thing. In the subtitles, yeah. I should know.

Can't say why. Yeah, well. Yeah, obviously. We thank you for your service. Yes. Yeah, no problem Yeah, but that that's that accent is one where if you're not for because all these things are you're tuned to it, right? Like if you're from that area you go like oh, I got it. Yeah, like Yeah, he's at oh, yeah. I've watched this guy this guy

It was fucking phenomenal Move we move and braided for a hoko from left band. Yeah This guy, it was fucking phenomenal. Move, we move and braided for Hoco from Left Band. Yeah. We had, we were security cold Tracy West phenomenal. That's just somebody trying to understand what he's saying. It's like drop the bombs now. Yeah, it was gonna turn out going into the spring in my opinion, Bow's Brendan came.

But now you got to find him speaking because it's only good if you actually can hear this guy during a press conference because it's phenomenal. He is one of the best. From Desjardins, Louisiana. Hold on a second. Hey guys! Hey! It's like me. This is exactly what it's like me this is exactly what I said this is on the phone. Yeah, it's on the phone with my doctor We wanted to get bigger. I'll stop. Hey!

Stop! That's the guy, you know. Yeah. He's great. Yeah. His voice is very grovely. That's like that Wolf Darrell character when he like is talking and he goes out

and yells at the kids. Oh yeah. And then he comes back. Yeah. Comes back all nice and calm. Yeah. Anyway, yeah. God, I've probably talked to so many people on the phone

who thought I was doing that sketch, cause I'm just like, yeah, so hold on a second. Guys, what the fuck? Because especially when I go, I'm on the phone. I don't know why I'm on the phone doesn't translate to a kid. I'm on the phone. And they're like, yeah, so can I go,

no, I'm talking on the phone. And they're like. That means dial it up. Yeah, and then I'm like, god damn it. I fucking lose my mind. Get louder. Anytime you're not fully available, it's very hard for them to understand that.

Yeah, they love it. The five-year-old just starts screaming all the time in the house. We're having a screaming problem with him. Like, they're playing in the bathtub, like full. I'm like, dude. Do they sleep in their beds? Sometimes, yeah.

Last night, then they'll sneak in at like five in the morning. Sneaking in is a big one. And then they'll start talking to me. Is it time to wake up yet? No. Like dude, shut the fuck up. I can't get mine out of my bed. I mean, he. Oh yeah.

He like, until he was seven, like slept in his own room, bed. Oh yeah. Now every night, but he doesn't wake, he like doesn't wanna wake me up in the morning. Really? No, I wake up. Oh, you I wake up, he's eating cereal. He's like doing something. He's like, he's done.

He's like, oh, finally. Hello. Yeah. Wow, that's awesome. How old is he? 10. Fuck, that sounds rad. I can't wait till he gets out there.

But also the milk's out. Yeah, yeah. Like this, you know, like he knew how to do some of the things. My fiver will be like, mom, you've slept enough. Time to wake up. That's an absolute day of wake up. Did you have, because this is the thing that always,

I'm like, why, I've said this at the, they leave every door open ever? Oh yeah. Okay. So it is like, every door. He's afraid to be in a closed door. He got stuck in a closet once. Oh, shit.

When he was at someone's house. And he freaked out. So now no doors are closed when he's in them. Like bathroom doors. But yeah, no cupboards are closed. But I mean, we get out of the car, and I walk in, I go, hey, hey. And they go, what?

I go, both of your doors are open. And they're like, oh, okay. Shut the door, sorry. I'm like, this is the thousandth time. Sorry. Then they walk in the house, and then I look back're like, oh, okay, shut the door, sorry. I'm like, this is the thousandth time. Sorry. Then they walk in the house and then I look back and like, door, I go, guys, shut the door. Oh, there's been doors open overnight.

Overnight, leave doors open. There's snakes and stuff that can just come on in and whatever critters. He walks like, when we're walking up to the car, he'll like walk up to my door with me. I'm like, what are you doing? You're not getting in my door yeah this is the wrong side like you he gets out of the car like I picked him up from school we go to the grocery store and I

don't even pay attention I look in the grocery store he's wearing his backpack I'm like you let you can leave it in the car it's like oh I pretty great yeah we're both do a good job if If our kid doesn't do this, you know, Attention everybody. My mom and dad accused me of finger painting and smearing on my shit everywhere and smearing in my bed. Accusing and smearing. Will you send it to your friends and family and your friends and your folks? Thank you rock on much love Rock on bro. There's so much like he's got a little coke thing going he did he's sniffing pretty hard

Yeah, so he was just letting us know that he got accused he got accused Yeah, and he said will you let your friends know? Yeah, let them know. Let them know that I'm- Speak up for me. He wants backup. Yeah, okay, I wasn't sure what the point was. Like he was detained by the Russian government. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Be my voice. Yeah, okay. I hope this video gets out there. People know that my parents have accused me. And by the way, they're 100% spot on. You definitely did that. We don't know who did it, okay? He's an only child.

Yeah. Cool. He's also, how old is he? This guy has a deceiving look. I can't tell. I've never had that. Like I never had like the kid painted on the walls and you're like, what happened in here?

Thank God. One time so far. Well, yeah, we've had it. We had paint. It wasn't shit, it was paint. That was cool. All the way down from upstairs around the wall, all the way to downstairs.

And I fucking was like, what the fuck? Like I lost my shit. And like my son was like, do not scream at me, I'm just a kid. I'm just a kid. And he just snapped me out of it. I was like, do not scream at me, I'm just a kid. I'm just a kid. And he just snapped me out of it. I was like, god damn it. I paint, so I have paint.

I get paint on his stuff on accident. Oh wow. Yeah, so I'm actually, it's the opposite. You guys have a real, he's like, hey, you're up, buddy. That's nice to see you. What's wrong with all this paint? Come on, man. Paint on my clothes again.

Yeah. Jesus. That's cool. Do you paint, you ever put paint on like shoes or clothes? Like purposely? No, no, I've never, I've never tried to design like a, or like a hand design. I've designed some shirts. You can buy on my Instagram.

Really? Yeah. Okay, that's cool. That's cool. I like that. I actually just had, well, I just was in my first art show, like as an actual painter, which was pretty cool. Congratulations, I love that. Congrats, that's rad. It was pretty crazy. It was the weirdest, I actually just had well I just was in my first art show like as an actual painter which was congratulations

I love that. Yeah, it was pretty crazy. It was the weirdest I Went I was standing with my paintings for eight hours a day for five days at this like art show And I basically was just like available to talk about my work, which I don't know how to talk about Yeah, that's gotta be challenging, but it was it was yeah, was a new experience was it in LA. Yeah, that's very cool Mm-hmm is your art can be I don't mean like you do right now But can people go somewhere if they want to see your art yeah that it's actually still from that that That show the spring break art show it's still up for sale. Okay link on my Instagram, too But if they go to your page yeah, is that Nick Thune? Yeah?

But here's what's great about art and anything you do besides comedy if you're a comedian Mm-hmm. I'll post a comedy clip. No one will say anything bad Like it's not you know, there might be like a couple like people but they're doing jokes or something Yeah, I posted one thing. I never post my art. I posted one thing like hey, I'm doing this art show and Somebody wrote like this guy's art is, or his art is shit. Yeah, cool. And I just wrote back, I am he.

Like, is, I'm posting this. This is my Instagram. But it was like within 10 minutes, I was like, oh yeah, people, this other world is brutal. Yeah. Oh, you think our world is more brutal than the comedy world? Yes.

Wow, really? Did it be, because anybody thinks they can do brutal than the comedy world? Yes. Wow. Really? Do you because anybody thinks they can do art? Is that why? Yeah. I mean, yeah. People are like, my kid could do this or whatever. It's like, yeah, I don't know. I'm hey, I don't think I'm good. Somebody said I was good. Yeah. Somebody saw my stuff and wanted to use it.

So that gave me the confidence to, you know, it's like, yeah. Yeah. Then sell your kids art. But it's not like stand up. You can't like go test it out in front of a crowd. Why oh, I know it works. Well, it's so subjective Who's to say like art? I don't know Yeah, it's very cruel gosh People hate the popular ones like Jeff Koons, you know, cuz they're like the good food It's like yeah, okay. He just figured out how to make money good for him

Yeah He figured out how to like make huge projects that him. Yeah, he figured out how to make huge projects that live in cities on outdoor areas that are like. It has nothing to do with you. No, I can't wait to check it out, dude. I'm a huge fan of, I love art, and I love learning about artists and seeing different styles.

I think it's awesome. I think it's great you're doing that. It's a fun world to be in, for sure. Very cool. Wherever it goes, yeah. Yeah, congratulations. Thank you for coming in for sure. Very cool. Wherever it goes, yeah. Yeah, congratulations. Yeah, Bob. Thank you for coming in today.

This was fun. Thank you, I know it meant a lot to you guys. Yeah, it was fucking cool. It was fucking cool. We haven't seen you in a long time. I know, it has been a long time. It's been a long time. You still, you look 29.

Last time I saw you was at an airport. Yeah, in a Delta lounge. Yeah, I remember that. I think you had on sunglasses possibly. Yeah, mostly. I think I was drinking then. I think it's been that possibly. Yeah, mostly. I think I was drinking then. I think it's been that long. Oh really?

Yeah, and I was like trying to hide from you that I was like really deep in drinks already at like whatever time of the morning it was. Wow. Cool. Well you look great man. You look great. Glad you're enjoying that.

Yeah, thank you. Congratulations on your sobriety and all that. Thank you. That's awesome. Congratulations to you guys. Thank you. Fun to watch. Thanks man. Thanks, it's fun having you here. And if you don't mind telling people

about this poop finger painter, I think that's the least we could do for everybody. Yeah, all right. I thought you were gonna say, if you don't mind telling people about our podcast. Yeah, if you could do that too. I think they all know. No, no, I think we should do that too.

You guys should check out Nick Thune, especially on Instagram check out the art check out his stand-up go see him live get yourself a painting and And leave a nice comment. Yeah fucking asshole. Yeah, you fuck. All right. Thanks guys. Bye mommy This is a classic. Just let me eat you, one turn Big booty or a flat booty I'm coming to get that booty, ah One turn I'm coming to get that booty Big booty or a flat booty Big booty or a flat booty Big booty or a flat booty I'm coming to get that booty huh y'all know what's a banana split huh we gonna use your booty and put some popcorn

And put some popcorn Just let me eat you one time One time Big booty or flat booty Big booty or flat booty Big booty or flat booty I'm coming to get that booty Big booty or a flat booty? Big booty or a flat booty? I'm coming to get that booty, huh! One turn.

I'm coming to get that booty, huh! That was a roll call, that was something, man. The unspoken internal monologue of every red-blooded heterosexual male. I'm coming to get that booty, huh?