Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Ranking America's Hottest Presidents | YMH Ep. 788

Episode Date: December 4, 2024

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Save on the perfect gift by visiting https://AuraFrames.com to get $35-off Aura’s best-selling Carver Mat frames by using promo code MOM at checkout. This week on Your Mom's House Podcast, Tom and Tina are back together and beyond excited that it's finally December! Before sharing some updates about Tina's lipsticks and Tommy's tour dates, the Main Mommies open the show with a clip of a kissy face dude who really wants to be shown some bobs and vagene if you know what I mean. They next check out some really cool clips of some liquid brown tests and some really solid ball-bag tips. Christine also talks about her recent interest in weightlifting and Tom brings about an in-depth conversation about which US President is the hottest. The two of the go all out and rank them, before watching some Horrible or Hilarious clips and some Toks, before calling it a day. Love you, see you next week...M'wah! Your Mom’s House Ep. 788 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up guys? I'm bringing my Come Together Tour to a few more cities to close out 2024. This Saturday, December 7th, I'll be in New Orleans at the Lakefront Arena. The next night I'll be in Pensacola, Florida at the Bay Center. January 10th, I'll be in Richmond, Virginia at the Altria Theater. The early show is sold out. We still have tickets for the late show. January 11th, I'll be in Norfolk, Virginia at Scope Arena. And Louisville, Kentucky. The Friday show on January 17th is sold out, so we added Thursday the 16th. Tickets and all info is at tomscigara.com slash tour. Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.

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When you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash mom to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Bon giorno and welcome to your mom's house. The latest and greatest, hard-hitting news. We're gonna cover it all today. We'll get you in on the Senate confirmations for the cabinet.

And yeah, there's just so much going on in the world. What's going on in Ukraine. We care about it all. Yeah, it's all here. We're going to resolve Israel-Palestine. It's all going to be talked about today. So don't you worry. It's all coming up.

That being said, Christina P., you have three new shades. Three new shades. Four total. The perfect four. I've got my Berlin, which is a dark burgundy, a very deep rich moody color. I wore that yesterday around town. Madison, it's a mauve. You can wear that to drop the kids off at the mall. It's going down.

Atomic Red, which is an orange based red, and it piggybacks off the Perfect Red, which is a blue base. Get them all now, ChristinaP.com. Well, December has started, which means the holidays are close. Fellas, does your lady have lips? Maybe a good idea for a gift is to get her the perfect four.

Get her some lipstick for her lips. It really is. It's the best gift for any lady in your life, or fella, who likes to wear lipstick. Gender is just a construct of your mind. Also, you know what's fun to do if your lady isn't into wearing lipstick is you get lipstick and you write things on her body Right, you know what dummy? Yeah Fatty. Yeah this part. Yeah, you write it across her chest when she's sleeping and she wakes up. She's like what the fuck

I wrote that on you stupid. Yeah. Yeah, so it's just a different idea. That's so fun. Tom. Yeah, I've seen it in movies Oh, yeah, kind of films European I'm a cinephile anyway, there's a Yeah, it is the holidays. Yeah, you want to come see me on tour. We announced a bunch of shows We added shows in a couple of cities We've added shows in DC. We've added shows in DC.

We've added shows in Louisville, Kentucky. And there's more being added. So get some tickets, comcigaro.com slash tour. It's a great holiday gift to give your loved one tickets to a show, live show. I mean, people came to the, I was at the club last night at the Comedy Mothership here in Austin. Yeah.

And I was hanging out with people, they go, yeah, that's never seen live. And I go, well, they're like, yeah, there's nothing like a live show. Oh, it's the best. They just watch specials and stuff, but it's just fun, but there really is nothing like live performances.

It's a totally different ballgame, and you're doing the UK. We're in Belfast, Manchester, London, Glasgow, Nottingham. Cardiff. People have asked me and I wanted to actually respond to people like, why aren't you doing a more extensive European tour? And it really is just scheduling and life commitments that just don't allow. I would love to believe me, I love doing all the cities that I've done before, Paris, Berlin, and Copenhagen, and so on and so forth. It's just, you have to have the time to do it.

It's too much time. It's too much time. Yeah. You can't do it all. So that's why, if you're asking me, it's not that I don't wanna go, it's just that I don't have the time. That's it.

You don't have the time, you're a very important guy. Well Well, it's not you know, it's just like to do that You have to commit like a month you have to do like a month So it's just too much too much But I love you and I would love to come back and do those cities and maybe I can do a second European run At a different time. Yeah, you're just one man. Mm-hmm. Yeah last time it was too is too exhausting too much You've been touring here on it forever. People are like, oh when is Tom touring again? You're just one man. Mm-hmm. Yeah, last time it was too exhausting, too much. You've been touring, you're on it forever. People are like, oh, when is Tom touring again?

I'm like, he's always touring, never not touring. You're always on the road, that's how it goes. I mean, it's our job though. That's the other thing that like, when people say that to me, I'm like, yeah, but that is my job. My job is to do that. Touring.

Like, yeah, that's how I make a living touring. Yeah, this supplements it I love doing this but touring is the gig. It's the main gig. It's the main man. They gotta keep the main thing the main thing Yeah, who said that? I don't know Some guy I have some wonderful things to show you Even some things I showed last week that you missed that I'm gonna bring back just to show so happy Yeah, you mean I almost got away without seeing them and now I get to see them now you get to see them Here we go. Here's your opening click and it's just for you. Here we go. Hey

Here you go. Blow me up time. I want to see your boobs send me Send me I want to see your boobs. I want to see I'm Tom Tsutsuru and... Christina Pujitsyn Welcome to your mom's house No! I don't like it Want to see your boobs send me? Okay This is terrible.

I didn't like it. Can you show me? I want, I don't like it. I want to do over. I don't like it. What's funny is that, is that I don't think he knows how to kiss. He goes. He goes.

Yeah, like he doesn't understand. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand.

He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand. I want I don't like it. I want to do over what's funny is that is that I don't think he knows how to kiss Okay, good Yeah, like it doesn't understand that means that's probably how he would kiss you let me see again. Yeah It's kind of like It's an exaggerated version of a kiss. Yeah, like if you're showing a 18 month old you go Yeah, that's how he's but I bet that's how he really does it You know right now you've got a roogie in your bottom lip and it looks like he's got ten roogies in his bottom

Yeah, but he doesn't have any roogies in there It's full of roogies. Yeah, it's just all the boobs are in his imagination Yeah, you don't like that? No. All right, I guess I'm better. I don't like it. All right, we'll change it up. We'll change it up. And have to learn how to actuate the tessico. It's very simple. Okay. Yeah. So you go to toilet, take out your clothes. First thing tap your tessico. Okay. And after that, tap it and now you hold the egg, hold the testicle and massage the testicle. Because testicle producing

sperm. Right. If you wrap your hand warm and get the chi and hold the testicle and massage the testicle and hit the testicle, that will increase the sperm count. I don't think that's true. I don't know about hitting. I would say massaging maybe. I don't think it changes your sperm count. Can you try it? I'm sure I can try it, but I'm also.

Massage your testes. Yeah, I'll do that. Do it. Does it hurt? Oh my God, my sperm count just went up no, that's made up. I love him, but I don't think that's true at all I think at some point Western medicine would be like we got a little thing to tell you about sperm count If you rub it and massage it and give it a tap it's gonna go up. I don't think that's true

see, that's I I think he knows a lot about sexual energy and extending your orgasms and prolonging ejaculation. I think he's, but to be like your sperm count just went up, I don't think that's true. And you don't think that giving your nuts some extra love would make them wanna produce harder? I think it's intuitive what he's saying, very intuitive. You missed this, yeah, the other day.

I don't wanna. Oh yeah. Di don't wanna. Diarrhea test, 471, initiate. Ah, oh, hand check. A hand check is insane. Oh. He did it. A hand check is insane. Oh! He did it! He's not solid.

He thinks that's solid? He's got a real problem. You saw this one? Love it, yeah. Oh. I think you've seen that one. Yeah, I like it. And this is where it drops on the floor. Oh, that's a good one. You see this one?

Yeah, I like it. No, I like it. I can watch it again. Don't push so hard. Let it go. That's just a fart. I remember he's disappointed. Oh, I see it! Oh, he pees and farts. Yeah, but no diarrhea. Interesting.

It appears to be just your very interesting findings. More to follow. I am a fuck. I've seen this. We're friends, dude. Do you think it's cool if I say it with a hard R? Dude, take a break from cotton picking and have some lemonade and- Why does he slow down the audio?

Um, I think it's just this one one of his style It's a character choice here and then is this to get laid you think with men or what is this? I think this is just I think he my theory on this is that somebody like this Wants to be known for this type of stuff meaning Comedy characters and what they do is it's not fully engaging everyone for this type of stuff, meaning comedy characters. And what they do is it's not fully engaging everyone. So they take shits on camera to people like, oh, that's the guy.

And then they pepper in the stuff that they would like to get the same reaction as the diarrhea. That's such an astute observation, Tom. Like you're saying, like like he's a failed artist. Like he wants to do this. Essentially, yes. He doesn't know how to do it, but he's like, I know how to do that diarrhea stuff.

And everybody who does any type of performance knows that feeling. Yes. Of like, I wanna be known for this, but it's not getting the same reaction as this, right? So he's doing a lot of, he does a lot of this slave owner thing on my way to get one of My slaves pregnant. I don't know. I think he just got the costume and then maybe

Backwarded reverse engineered it, you know I think the idea sometimes ideas come to you right, you know, and you're like that's gonna fucking that's gonna hit It's gonna hit you think this is the lane. He's like this is I think he probably thought like ah, I'll dress up and I'll be like I'm a slave owner Yeah, do that and it'll be a it'll really you know get huge reaction And then if it doesn't because I don't know what the reaction was to this It's you know, it is what it is But then you probably was like I should probably just shit my underwear again Yeah, I mean what I found is that you don't want to overthink the bits

Yeah and it's always the bits that you don't want to overthink the bits. Yeah. And it's always the bits that you give a lot of time and attention and intellectual thought to that don't really hit with the audience. You're much better off diarrhea in your underwear and making that into a video. You're saying it, babe.

That the truth is like you so many times in standup, you go, this is a good one. Brilliant bit. This is like, well, constructed and it's thoughtful and it's layered and I do this and I take them down here and I'm gonna say this and then You do it and it gets like a huh? Mm-hmm. You're like what no one cares and then you throw away thing that you're like, whatever gets like the applause break. Viral Yeah, that's the one people remember. That's it's always. You can't control how the audience perceives you, Tom. All you can do is consistent output as we've learned and he for sure is doing that. These diarrhea tests are

interesting. I love them and I'm curious to always know the outcomes. I don't want this to be perceived as if I am turning my nose up at the diarrhea. Never. No. No, do we have more of him? I mean, he's done 472, so yeah, there's a bunch of them. Let's see it. We'll get to it. But I don't understand why he wears the biker shorts, because that defeats the purpose of us. Oh, you like the tighty-whities on. I want to see the diarrhea spill down.

That's the whole point. I do think you were really onto something by doing the cellophane wrap. I would have loved to have seen that. Because that reminds you of Sack Lunch. I remember that. One of the greatest videos I got. You introduced me to sack lunch.

I remember early on I was like, this interesting girl. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where somebody filled up a see-through pair of underwear. Diaper. With diarrhea. And it was a video that was like,

O5 was being sent around and I was working in an office at the time and I got sack lunch and it just changed my life. Yeah. Two girls, and I got sack lunch and it just changed my life. Two girls, one cup and sack lunch. Oh, and Mr. Hands. I would argue are the three most pivotal videos that completely made me fall in love with the internet and see what it's capable of. Yeah.

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I have tried to encourage you in many different ways to lift weights. And you were always like, I'm not a fucking guy. And I don't wanna look like a fucking guy. Well, actually I said, I don't wanna look like a bull dyke is what I said. I was trying to help you out. So,

you resisted so much and I accepted it and you would you still would exercise you would do different things You know that you would do I don't know cardio stuff Pilates all this stuff then pretty recently Some broad that you're working out with convinces you, I don't know how, to give weightlifting a try.

And you come home and you have a fucking, I mean, an absolute groundbreaking report. An absolute Groundbreaking report. Yeah. Yeah you go Guess what? I Think I was wrong and I like weightlifting Tom what you like? Yeah took me 20 years to realize it. I don't like it. I love it You know why because it's it harkensens, you know they have Romanian deadlift,

there's something about this, you're just lifting heavy thing, lift it again, and then you lift it. It's very easy and I like it, my brain likes it. But you know what convinced me is that it was a hot chick that did the weight lifts. A friend of mine who's very attractive. She was like, this is what I do?

This is what I do. And I was like, well, I want to look like you. And so I found on Instagram a lovely trainer. She's like a sweet blonde southern lady, the sweetest, most wonderful. And now I go to a gym that she teaches in, teaches in, trains. Trains.

And it is a dude's gym. Oh boy. It is heavy metal plan. It's guys missing limbs and lifting it's tattoos. It's smelly Dick and balls gym, like a real dude gym. And I love it. But what I've noticed, a lot of sounds dudes make sounds. I mean, it's a very dramatic, and you're like, I've given birth twice and I didn't make this much noise. You know what I mean? Like you guys are

kind of hamming it up here. Some dudes in gyms, I've been going to gyms my entire life, some dudes in gyms are performative. It's sometimes, I mean, it makes sense when you're doing certain lifts, you exert obviously a lot of energy. There's a lot going into heavy lifting. So on certain lifts, it makes sense. Like a grunt, a push. Some guys dial it way up. That's what I'm talking about.

You're like, tsssah! Yeah, yeah. You're like, you don't need to. I know. And a lot of them wear earbuds as they're lifting so they don't hear the sounds they're making. Sure helps knock it out, yeah. It's so embarrassing,

because I'm like, could you dial it, could you calm the fuck down? I know, it's very, it's performative. It's performative, because how come I can do heavy things and I don't have to go, ah! Well, you also just started, maybe in a year you'll be like, you know what? I gotta make the noise.

Started fucking pulling three and I just, I gr grunt now and you know what I noticed too a lot of iPhone scrolling that lot of Scrollers They're not that serious. That's what I feel. They're dilettantes. That's what I'm saying Yeah, you got time to scroll bro And there's also the chatty Kathy's the ones who do a set and then they go over and they just have full fucking 12-minute conversations about things and you're like aren't you supposed to be

Focused here. Yeah doing something. I know yeah, like I some of these guys, you know again, I'm new to the scene I feel like maybe they do, you know one one rep or whatever and then they're just sitting on the thing, scrolling, looking, like, what are you doing? I'm thrilled that you're doing, I really think there's nothing better. I've been going to my gym and it's the fucking greatest. I love it. I like you too, I really like it.

I feel, because I've done the Pilates and stuff, this is just, it makes you feel stronger immediately. Yeah. You know? You just feel makes you feel stronger immediately Yeah, you know Uh, you just feel you feel better. Oh, you have an open invite to my gym I will not be coming to your gym, but you can come to mine. I like my gym My gym is too hardcore for you. You don't even Okay, I got a sweatshirt and everything. Yeah. All right um

Now i've been just absolutely Killing it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah every morning get up and train. Yeah, it's the best. I feel so good It was it really was great leading up to production And then coming during production. It was a goddamn nightmare to do anything. I would only do it on off days Of course, I was exhausted but i'm happy you're doing this. I think you're gonna really and one day you might look like this Look at this guy N***a got his weight up. N***a don't know where the f*** he at. But he know where them weights is at. Yes he does. Alright man, I ain't even mad at you. You probably don't even know you that broly, bro. That's crazy.

You probably don't even know he that broly. That's wild. If you're listening right now, there is a man crossing the street in Brooklyn who is blind and he's got the the What is it the seeing eyes? What do they call it? The stick? The blind guy stick? Sure, the blind guy stick and he's you know, he's trying to figure out how to cross the street here He's clearly blind and he is in his 60s and he is beyond jacked. This dude is yoked up and he is beyond jacked. This dude is yoked up.

He's in a tank. It looks like he's got a weightlifting belt on. And he is so fucking jacked. He is so ripped, dude. The Adidas pants. I will say too, cause you guys have always joked and I've heard men joke about how like the upper body is jacked, but then the calves are like puny.

It's, yeah. And I've seen it and I see it on the pictures in my gym of like the champions, you know? They're flexing and I'm like, yeah, but how come the bottom is so tiny? Yeah, that's a thing. It's like, well, that's like so many meatheads just care about like bench press and arms.

That's all they do. And then they, that's that whole thing of like, don't skip leg day. Don't skip leg day, bro. Now I know what that means. I never knew what that meant. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he looks good though. I like see it a lot in the gay community What they skip leg day you see a lot of like jacked upper-body yeah dudes and I think a lot of times like gay dudes and they're like

Just like crazy guns and then these like little like pelican legs. Yeah. Yeah, it looks great I love look I love the environment. I love it. Like I said, there's like people missing limbs and stuff and they have prosthetics. What kind of gym are you in? It's so rad. It's so hard fucking core.

A lot of people are missing limbs? Well, a lot, but there's a few dudes in there who, yeah. And they have prosthetics and they're still lifting and no it's incredible Yeah, and I want like our sons to go there when they're teenagers and be like you think life is hard Go fucking lift weights when you're missing a leg, bro. Let's go do that. That's a real love it No, I don't want to go to no pussy lady Jim because first I thought about it Like maybe they should make a lady Jim. They do make lady Jim's yeah what? Well, like the weights are pink and stuff and it smells nice yeah, it's just like all broads. Yeah

Yeah, it's it's a very big business. I gotta talk to my guys talk to my trainer. You don't know about this Yeah, of course. How come nobody I what there's even gyms that are like women only. Oh, I know that Yeah, but I mean like weightlifting proper. Well, I mean they have the equipment and then there's like the hoity-toity. Yeah, there's like the high end stuff like uh, what's it called? uh Soul cycling. No, I'm thinking of the one It's really nice. It's our is x ex equinox equinox equinox Is like usually like the high end, you know know the lady six, but here's the deal man It's still like a really nice gym, but that's a whole other culture. It's a different culture

I can't do it sounds like you want to be with the real fucking with the bros Yeah, okay, bro. Like I like saying that I like I like looking at them. I like listening to them I like how there's an etiquette. They don't talk to each other. They certainly don't talk to the women that are there I see that I see the bros lifting and looking Yeah, but they're they're not gonna say a word. There's a trend online of women who uh, there's such dumb twats who they go To gyms and they set up Cameras to record themselves like i'm recording myself doing this set so embarrassing and then they post The video of like look at these guys look check

Plain about it. Yeah, because it and they'll do it for a guy who's literally just like glancing Yeah, like look this guy's checking like that's a normal thing to do like people look around there They're making it sound like someone's going like no staring at them Yeah, and they usually get ripped apart for it. No, I was good I mean the men are so respectful actually at this gym and it's lovely and it's nothing like that. But yeah, they're missing limbs. They know it can happen.

I know. Yeah, but I know what you're talking about. And like in the Pilates community, like there's tears to that too. Like if you wanna go like rich mom Pilates, then you gotta wear the right lululemons, you gotta wear the right thing. Wellmons. You gotta wear the right thing And well, I like that you told me about that yoga class you went to where there's just always one guy

Yeah, and we pass by there on Sundays and I'm telling you there's always one weirdo straggler in jean shorts Or he always wears the wrong fucking thing. It's not the same guy and it's like a type 16 chicks Yeah, and one guy one fucking bro But it's like 16 chicks and one guy. One fucking bro. In the back of the class, just looking. Just sniffing bottles. Yeah, such a fucking asshole. I love it.

I feel so much better when I come here. So I haven't done the Pilates group sesh yet at this place I joined. But I'm curious to see if a dude will show up there. Because usually it's older men that'll do Pilates, like men trying to heal injuries or something. But you don't see the straggler in the Pilates class. And SoulCycle apparently is a whole other mom culture too.

Have you done that? The difference between, yeah, that's a totally different. I hear people even rent the bike. Like the front, I want my front bike, so I'll pay $8,000 a year just to have my front bike. That's like in Manhattan or something, like in the, in the, in the, in the, in the, those moms.

The thing about, the difference between like Pilates and yoga though, is like if you're in on Pilates and you're on the, what, the reformer, the reformer, there's not really, it can be very difficult, right? It can be very challenging. You can't really, but in yoga, you can be like, I can't really do this pose.

And you can just kinda go like. And they're like, just breathe, just take it easy. And you can just be the guy in the back, and be like, wow, there's a lot of butt holes here. Yeah. Or I'm just gonna do the child's pose. I'm just gonna child's pose this one. My ankle isn't ready for this.

I do love doing the yoga class. I like to see people's b-holes and you know, body parts. When we did that for, remember we did a Sober October Challenge? I mean, I have to say it totally changes your perspective and your respect for it. Yoga can also just be completely brutal, as far as a chap. Fucking kicks your ass.

If you've never done it, especially if you're like an active person and you're just like, I've never done it, I cannot recommend trying that enough. Go into it hydrated and ready to feel things you've never felt before. Hot yoga or core power yoga. Yeah, any of them.

Try any of them. Jesus Christ, yeah. Is it just me or has TV gotten really complicated? I'm having to subscribe to a dozen different streaming services to make sure I can watch everything I love. Thankfully, Philo has changed all of that for me. One service, all the stuff I need.

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look amazing before the holidays and pay later. Visit sonobello.com slash y m h. That's sono b e l l o dot com slash y m h subject to credit approval see website for details speaking of working out in bodies We last talked about some of the hottest and not so hottest first ladies. That's right. We didn't do presidents No, we got to do something for the ladies listening to yeah. So how about we look at some of the hottest? Presidents presence us presidents. Maybe are we gonna look at international presidents? Oh, so this is great. We found pictures of presidents in their swimsuits, which I think like, why not just go there?

Let's go see it. Let's see what's up. So there's Obama. You know, Obama I always felt was attractive, but not handsome where I was like, oh, I wanna bang Obama. Cool. He didn't have the chutzpah of a JFK,

which like I want to bang Kennedy. Well, I think a lot of that too is deliberate. I think being the president and you, he could probably throw his dick around if he wanted to, but there's a certain way you carry yourself. Barack, yeah. Yeah, for sure. That's true.

But he is very well put together. The guy was always physically fit. And I think especially if you're talking about in that world of presidents, that's like, he's an outlier. He was always in really good shape. George W. as president, unbelievably good shape. This guy was running six minute miles all the time and for multiple miles.

He was in really good physical condition. Let's, let's see. Let's do presidential scale of one to 10. Okay. Uh, looks for Obama. Let's rate him on only in the president's scale of one to 10. Like who's our 10. Are we going to say JFK is the 10? Oh, but his body's better. He looks great. Oh yeah. it's also Generationally if you look at the 60s and what they considered physically fit Well, you're gonna you're about to see it on. Oh my god. Okay. So look that's like a GQ photo Yes, see you got okay. So look I'm gonna give Obama almost what do you think a nine? Yeah, he's annoying

Yeah, I would say that's a very fair rating It looks great there. Okay. He looks great. All right. Let's go see the other swimsuit edition presidents Holy shit biden he didn't do leg day ever. No, no biden doesn't look good I mean, okay. Hold on young biden was kind of hot. It's more that's what we're gonna say What age if we can look at anybody in their 80s? Of course, he's 80 years old. more, that's what we're gonna say. What age, if we can look at anybody in their 80s. Of course, he's 80 years old. Let's go younger Biden. What does a younger Biden look like?

He's cute. That's super young Biden. But yeah, even in the... Oh, but look at that bad comb over in the 70s. No, the hair's not great. No, that's bad hair. But he's got a handsome enough face. I think the decent face I don't know what he would look like shirtless in this era, but it's probably just fair What do you get a slender build? I?

mean It here's the thing you have to remember something it gets a lot worse. So don't forget that on the scale. It gets a lot worse. Wait a minute, that's not fair. You're gonna grade him. No, no, I'm saying you can grade him objectively, but just don't forget, if you're like, if you think this is bad.

Yeah, it gets worse for him. We are not going into negative numbers. So just remember that. I think that this is to be fair and if you're saying Obama's and not you got to go down to like Six I was gonna say six because I this is above average for sure for presidents. He's a presidential sure He's a presidential don't you think you need to grade them based on how they looked as president But here's not looking at Obama in his 20s. We're looking at him

looked as president because we're not looking at Obama in his 20s, we're looking at him as president. Well I would say Obama's is what 40s and this is Joe in his 40s? Should we go to the- But he's right, but Obama was president in his 40s. Oh, so 50s? Do we look at people in their 50s? Presidential 50s? How old is JFK? No, it's a fair point. It's what you are as president. Oh gosh, just when you think you have this game- All right, we have to- there's got to be rules. Sorted out. All you think you have this game. Alright. We have to, there's gotta be rules. Sold it out.

Alright fine. Presidency hotness. Okay fine. You're right. Presidency hotness. Now that guy. That's bad. You gotta go down a couple notches.

I mean the tits and everything. I know. How sad to be photographed. He's fucking 80 though. I know but like I'd hate to be photographed in my bathing suit. It's so awful. Yeah. No, it's a nightmare Poor guy. Okay. This is this is a disaster right now based on that photo. I'm gonna give him the lowest He's a one. No boo. No, it's worse than him. You just started the fucking game

I'm giving he's a three a Three give him a three. I'm telling you, you don't know what's coming up. There's nothing worse than this. I don't think you're right. I think it gets notably worse. I think it gets notably worse. There's nobody older that's been president than Biden. Have you seen who's older?

Who's been president though? Yeah, dog show. All right. I'm gonna say doesn't get worse. You know what, we each have our own scale. Okay, keep going. Let's move on. So what's the ranking for Biden? I'm gonna give I'm gonna say doesn't get worse. You know what? We each have our own scale. Okay, keep going. Let's move on. So what's the ranking for Biden?

I'm gonna give Biden a one, based on this photograph of him with his tits hanging and everything and his body sagging. It's not his fault, he's old. He's a solid three. It just sucked, negative. Negative. I think you're gonna see.

Keep going. Okay, so now compared to him, Obama's like, oh, it's like a 10. He looks so high. This is sexy right here. Yeah. Oh, look at that staged photo. Yeah, that ain't real.

That's so fake. Dude, you and I never even posed like that. That's fucking. That's gotta be from the 80s too. Look at that. Back when she was. It's 98, he's president there. Oh, please.

Is this before or after? It says it, he's president. No, I know, but is this before or after Monica? I don't fucking know. Is this staged right after that happens? This is such a bullshit photo. They're having a good time. You just fucking let them have fun. No, I know but is this before after Monica? I don't as a staged right after that happens This is having a good time. You just fucking let him have fun. No Such bullshit. So, okay. Okay. Okay, but bill bill Is there are there more photos or just this one? Is there something underneath that?

This is what we have here, but this is right during the Lewinsky. Yeah, that's right. That's right Okay the Lewinsky Skateball. That's rad. That tracks. Yeah, it's a fake photo. Okay. Now personally for me, I was never, I never felt he was that attractive of a prez. He was not my type. Right, oh there he is. He's okay, he's good. He's real red faced, little pink. Charisma plays a role.

Great. That personality plays a role. Remember he played the, didn't he play the saxophone? He played the sax. And he also had swag times a thousand. He's the swaggiest president We are we going on swag. Are we going on looks and I'm going it's a package. It's the whole thing You're not just like separating the two you can I do

You know, you're no fun to do this with Like it's literally you're making this difficult. Just have fun for Christ's sake It's him what he looks like and who he is. It's all together. It's a package. So yes, you consider the looks, but you also know the guy. So you have to go, it's all together. Is it great?

No. Does it get worse? Absolutely. So where do you rank him? That's a bad photo. Well. Okay, hold on. I think That's a bad photo. Well, okay, hold on. I think Biden's still the worst.

I think he's at a three and a half, four. I feel like I'm more generous than you. I feel like I don't think that's fair to say that that's not even average. I'll tell you why. Look at the, look at the pool of talent. You don't think that's even average? I think he messed up with the Lewinsky thing he didn't handle it we talking about you what you say he's gonna be talking I'm talking about swag you said so he has swag yeah but then that whole thing kind

of diminished the swag for me why when he got caught with Lewinsky and then he's like do it is in the lion and he was in court and he was doing the lawyering thing. He was like, now when I say affair, my mouth, the penis on the mouth. Do you understand why a woman cannot be president? Like, do you understand it? Because it's so clear now, right?

We're playing a game about who is fucking, how attractive they are in their bathing suits. I don't find him a track No, you said it's the whole package. What is it then meaning? You can't just rank the fucking the Sakura is it the whole package of swag or is it the big bathing suit? Look, you're the worst You know, no, am I crazy now? He contradicting himself. No, you are the worst. Ask them, ask them. You said before the whole package, the swag. Ask the fucking, ask them.

And now you're going back to just the swimsuit. Okay, ask them. Ask them if they understand what you're thinking and how you think or whether- And they don't have to understand. Oh, that's right, because there's only one person that understands how you're thinking right now, and that's you. Nobody else gets this. Okay then, let me have it. Can I have my own level of attraction for whatever reason? It's

subjective Tom. This is a subjective sport we're playing. Can I just ask a question? Yeah. Are you saying that you found him less attractive because he got caught? No. That reduced his swag? How he handled it. The way that he handled it in court, I remember he was doing a bunch of lawyer speak and that was very unswaggish and ever since then,

I don't like him as much. He was doing these weird things and the phrasing and he was backpedaling, it wasn't attractive. He gave you the ick. Yes, that's right. He should have just apologized and owned it and go on with it. Who's the next person?

I mean, we want the next person. What are you gonna rank him? Who's the next person? You mean we want the next person? But what are you gonna rank him? He's a six. Wow. You did that just to spite me. That was a spiteful six and you fucking know it's a girl. No, your whole rationale is it's very difficult to process.

It's very illogical. Okay, here is George H.W. Bush as president in 1989. He's got to be well, is he 60 or older there? 65. He's 65 years old here. I mean, there's nothing. There's nobody, I don't feel like there's a president in my lifetime who has felt more asexual than hw um

You know, there's there he is right there. Yeah, I agree. He looks He's like he's keeping it together. This is actually There's effort involved in this. You don't you know, I mean, he's still running. He's slender Um, he's not like, you know, oh my god Super is there other there he is. That's him much but way before president though Just put George HW Bush During presidency during presidency.

Yeah, you know what he's got? He feels safe. He's a safe. He's got pastor vibes. Yeah, it's exactly right. Yeah. And I don't feel like he's particularly attractive or unattractive. He's just there.

Right. He's the beige of presidents. He's a pair of khakis. Yeah. So, go back to his shirtless photo. Right. He's the beige of presidents. He's a ba- he's a pair of khakis. Yeah So go back to his shirtless photo You know, he's holding- that's a 65 year old man. He's holding it together That being said I think you got to give him I Think you give him a five

Yeah, that's so generous I think you give him a five. Yeah. That's so generous. Well. Okay. I'm comparing him in my mind. He's 65. So we have one is Biden. I'm gonna give him a four.

Okay. Pretty close. We're only a point apart on that one. Maybe we're coming back together. Wow. I love the era of the pants over the belly button. I know, I do too. Cause they think they're hiding their gut.

Their whooshie, yeah. Yeah, and you're not fooling anybody by doing that, but I like it. Is he throwing an apple to a child? What's going on in this photo? It's a football, isn't it? Football. I don't know.

He's on the beach. A coconut. He's tossing a coconut. Oh, a coconut. Now Ronnie, don't forget, he's old as fuck, Ronnie was an actor. I know. So there has to be like some vanity to this person.

Okay, but how old is he in this photo? Scroll down there, it's 84, so he is president in this photo. I'm gonna say he's gotta be also into this. He was a better, I think he's better 65 than hw65 right Scroll down more is there any more? Yeah, here he is now that's a different one that's Ford do do Ronald Reagan shirtless during presidency

Do Ronald Reagan shirtless during presidency? It's very important that we get the criteria right. See Ronnie has like no muscle tone though. He's thin and tall. But that is also like so. Well that's not terrible. It's not terrible. But that's older. God that's what I look like now.

It's bad's older. That's what I look like now. It's It's bad, yeah It's kind of looks like it's the same to the same trip well Jesus But here's the deal man. All right, there we go. Okay little tits sag You got tits and a belly and then you know, yeah, hold it But here's the thing is that he had a good face. You're right, he was an actor. Look, he photographs well, he's tan there.

Yeah. He knew how to position himself. They're like, you know. How old was he during like when he, like just give him the benefit of when he started, he started his presidency in 80. So how about Ronald Reagan, 1980? Let's do that.

Okay. That's when his presidency started. Can we see that? Okay. Oh boy, yeah. Yeah. I mean he again, he's, he's, he's kinda, he's not beige.

Like HW is real bland. There's definitely more charm and charisma to this guy. I'm gonna give Ronnie a generous on the presidential scale of one to 10. I'm gonna rank him higher than Clinton and I'm gonna go with a five. I am. For me, I have fond memories of Reagan

when I was a little girl. I am. For me, I have fond memories of Reagan when I was a little girl. Charismatic. Are you moist between your legs? Nope. Okay. Not, no. So I'm gonna go to six. Wow.

Well, I gave HW five. So this is six now. Okay. And Reagan was older. He was 73 in those photos. Oh wow. So that's a good 73. That's really good.

For your 70s, people fall apart in their 70s. Like completely fall apart. It's a tough one to crack. Okay, so. This is my favorite. This is Gerald Ford. Hey, look at him. Looks good.

And this is for old timey standards. This is the 70s. Yes, 1975. This is like 70s. Yes, 1975. This is like the Burt Reynolds hot era. I think he looks great. I'm going to give Gerald Ford a presidential. Gosh, I would even go seven based on that photo. Wow.

Don't you think? He's holding it together. He is. Looks good. Scroll down a little. Oh that's Nixon. How old is Gerald Ford in 1975? He's born in 1913. Holy shit. So he is.

62. He's a big difference between your 60s and 70s. Big diff. Big difference. All right. He's a six and a half. But again, we're going on the term of presidency. We're going on the term of presidency.

That's fair. Not the age in which you were photographed. Okay. Six and a half. Looks great. Now, Nixon is the next one, and I just caught a glimpse of it. He looks really good there. Again, the high-waisted.

He's not president there, though, right? No, that's 1950s. He's VP. Yeah. He looks good. Yeah, but that's not, we're not, oh, he's got it over his belly button, too. That's so cool. No We need to bring that back. Yeah, you can't cheat now. Everybody sees everything. Yeah

Everything so yeah, I mean It's not a particularly attractive man, right I mean still he's got something going for him. I like his air his air of certainty Authority. Oh There he goes that's not bad. Yeah, that's I mean, that's definitely pre presidency, but yeah No, it's not it's not terrible. All right, I'm gonna get Nixon because he had a nice full head of hair Hold on before we get there. I'm gonna get Nixon because he had a nice full head of hair. Hold on before we get there I'm gonna give Nixon a five Okay, I think it's fair. What do you think? I'll go with five. Okay. Yeah, are you writing these down? These are important

Oh, yeah, okay Okay Okay All right Linden Then you can't really see but I like he looks like a Gene Hackman there he also All right. Lindenby. Okay. Then. You can't really see, but I like, he looks like a Gene Hackman there.

He also is way swaggier. Yeah. He's way cooler. Way cooler. That's my point, that's the point I was making at the beginning of this before you lost your mind, is that their personality plays a role in it. Okay?

So he doesn't look particularly amazing, but he's way cooler. So he raises points. Yana, can we go back to Bill Clinton's swag? A lot of it was a phony baloney swag. Okay, look at me. Stay with me. Stay with me!

That guy is that guy is that guy, no matter what the fuck happens to him. Because he's an old school cigarette smoking, whiskey drinking. I don't give a fuck. Old school guy. Yeah. Now, Bill, whenever the wind blew, he wasn't steadfast in who he is. You understand what I'm saying?

He was kind of a pussy and I didn't like that he wavered, but that guy, this Gene Hackman looking Lyndon B. Johnson, that's a real dude. That's an old school guy didn't like that he wavered but that guy this Gene Hackman looking Lyndon B Johnson, that's a real dude. That's an old-school guy. I like that I thought I find this this is more attractive to me than Bill Clinton being a pussy when the shit hit the fan You understand? Okay. So what I'm gonna get I think this is more attractive. I'm gonna give him a six I'll give him a seven. Wow. I'm giving him a seven Wow. Yeah Yep, also we're in Texas and he's a Texan. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Now here it is the gold standard here It is mr. Cum gutters himself. Yep JFK

He's like a did I nut in you earlier? And look at them touching the president. Oh, yeah, see where that got him. Yeah can't do that anymore Oh my god, you can't do that. Look how happy they're all just losing their minds touching him Yeah, imagine people touching the president like that shirtless Fucking wet bathing suit. You can't see an outline of his dog. This is crazy. It's too bad Scroll down a little bit. What does it say? Going for a swim in Santa Monica. So it's 1962. During its presidency.

That's insane. Yeah, they just touch him. Yeah. Now the funny thing is the standard for bodies then. I know. So like, if you're being like today's standards, some people will be like, yeah, I mean, like he's not grossly overweight, but this guy's not fit. Like that would be today's thing. They'd be like, yeah, I mean, he's not grossly overweight, but this guy's not fit.

That would be today's thing. They'd be like, yeah, he's not fit. And then they'd be like, this guy's a fucking dime. Like he's just. Yeah, he looks great. Even the women's swimsuits I love back then, because your pussy lips weren't hanging out, your ass wasn't hanging out.

It just covered you and you felt like a lady. Nice phrasing. Yeah, yeah, look at that. but that's like, you know, you're just like somebody would be like well, yes start going to the gym That's literally what they would say. No for sure. I know which sucks because I think his body is fine It's because it's a normal body. Yeah, normal. He's great. He actually has like a normal healthy look. Now his son right there, JFK Jr. Yeah, that's a fit guy. Yeah, he's put together.

This guy. Bugs. Yeah, he bugs big time. Actually, he doesn't fuck like daddy. Daddy fucked. Daddy fucked hard. Yeah. Look at Jacqueline.

Look at like, look at Cary Grant Shirtless and and that's a that's like a great like for in this ear that was considered the This is the leading man of hollis This is like the hottest man in the world and there's like there's no physique really no It's just he's just like trim. Yeah. Like he just has his weight down. That's it.

He looks great. Keep your weight off. And that was considered like you're doing great. But I think this is more attractive than like, I think that's lovely. That, that this to me is what a man looks like. This is very lovely. But for today's era, they'd be like,

you fucking you're not doing anything. I know, I know, you're scrawny. Look at that little pose. Hello. Look at his tush. It's okay. Somebody back there. Hi, oopsie.

Did I too? Yeah, and you know, for the, we had the big boom of action stars in the 80s, going into the 90s, was about like Schwarzenegger, Stallone, and they're like super, super jacked. Then you see like Bruce Willis, and he actually just looks normal. Right. He's not actually, he's just healthy. He just looks like weight, like jacked. Then you see like Bruce Willis, and he actually just looks normal. Right.

He's not actually, he's just healthy. He just looks like weight, like your weight's down. Yeah. Just looks normal. Yeah, right, like what's the one we watch every year at Christmas? We love Die Hard. Die Hard, yeah. He looked just like a cop, like an in-shape cop.

Yeah, not even like particularly in shape though. Just not like. Not a fucking look. Yeah, it looks great. That was 80s fit. I liked 80s fit Yeah, that's just a yeah help like, you know, like he's just not fat. Yeah, that's it. I Know even Marilyn Monroe's body she wasn't like, you know lean and jacked not at all the way models are now No, she had a little chub on not chub, but just a layer of baby fat like normal female

Body fat wasn't she? Reportedly like 150 once like that's a full figure towards the end of yeah toward not in the beginning now Yeah, she gained a little bit. Oh, no. Well, it fluctuated 118 to 140. Yeah, she was Full tits 36 D full tits. Yeah full tits tits were probably fucking half that weight Yeah tits are a lot of weight man. That's for sure All right You would dump his clip in there too he and his brother would take would tag team that is Malibu is that crazy that crazy? The president?

I mean, and it was known. Like, oh, they just, they plow her. So weird. Who's getting plowed today? Who do you think is the Marilyn of today that presidents are dumping clips at? Like, men of power. I just don't think that that's a thing now.

It's gotta be, right? I just don't think so. You think that just stops? Well, it's definitely. Is it like Instagram models? like, you know, they get called over to the Middle East Maybe they're like just a different era. Oh my god. They wanted to shit in my mouth. There is you know, there's no There's no digital tracking in this era. It's just literally like I don't know somebody passes someone a message and then they show up But like this era these guys can't do this shit not like him He was everywhere just my back hurts, but like this era, these guys can't do this shit, not like him. He was everywhere, just, my back hurts,

but if I nut, maybe it'll feel better. Yeah. But what's underneath him, is there any more? We gotta be running out of photos here. Truman. Okay. Nah, it's a dog chow. That's one step above Biden.

Well, you guys didn't rate him. Is that 10? Oh. Who, JFK? Yeah, I think he's a presidential 10. And then right under him is Obama. Okay. The Dems are always hotter.

And then go down, go down. The men, the male Dems. Roosevelt, yeah. Okay. Yeah, these guys, they're both sub fives. Yeah, Truman Roosevelt. They're like three fours So JFK, he's the gold standard. He's a standard right? Would you agree with that assessment? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Yeah JFK Yeah, JFK Obama. Yeah stars like attractive level. I think you're right Yeah, those guys could have been like movie stars or whatever

Anybody in there grossly disagree with any ranking? I kind of feel like how are we ranking these guys against the ones we're showing or entire presidency? Because they would be closer to tens almost all of them Wait, if they're what if they're ranked against all of presidential history. Oh, I see what you're saying. Oh, yeah, they're dogs. No, I think it's got to be modern era. Yeah, if you can't be like, how about Grover Cleveland?

No, those are dogs. Yeah, those guys. Those are hard ones. Yeah, those are just the zeros. Yeah. I think you have to do it in this, the photography era. Yeah. Yeah. I think you have to do it in this, the photography era. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, because we don't even really know what people look like, right? Like Lincoln, there's like paintings. I mean, there's paintings, yeah. Those are flattering. It's pretty, yeah, it's pretty, I mean, understood that it ain't good. None of it was good, yeah.

Probably a little harsh right there on Truman, by the way. Yeah. I think we're just over it. It's a bad angle. It's not a great angle, but he's definitely, you know. Also it's like, but you gotta picture yourself with your mouth between his legs. You know? I can't even.

I know. Ugh. I know. It's rough. Yeah. Who do you go for if you're gay? You have to choose. What, one of these?

Yeah. I mean, for the story, probably JFK. Yeah, who do you go for if you're gay you have to choose? What one of these yeah, I? Mean for the story probably JFK Yeah, I like fucking I had a pretty good weekend Do you think he was nice like he would like leave you Presence or do you think he you know what I mean? Like would he just come in, pump and dump and bounce? Or would he spend some time with you, romance you? It's obviously all hypothetical,

but I feel like there was a little romance to him. Yeah. A little charm. Yeah, because he didn't get a bad reputation for doing that. Like women weren't like, God, this guy, you know, assaulted me. They were happy to oblige, I think. Yeah, he probably hung out, had some whiskey and cigars and... I bet Clinton was super charming, too. I don't think he was just like fucking lay there.

I think he was cracking jokes and like, you know, being charming. I think he was probably, yeah, laying it out and, I got you a cab and everything. Yeah. Yeah. I think he was probably nice about it. And I bet the ladies felt bad for Bill because of who he was married to. Like, you know, she wasn't touching him.

And long ago, they made an arrangement. No. But Jackie, oh, I felt bad for Jackie. Yeah. She was beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful and nice. Pretty nice, yeah.

Fancy nice. Who knew? Now, how about this guy? Oh, right. We didn't rank him. He did lose the LBs. For the current, for the upcoming, there's an argument that his upcoming presidency,

in which he is notably older, he might even look better. I think he does look better now than he did before. Because he's doing less of that orange bullshit. He actually feels like he did less crazy hair stuff now. Yep. And yeah, he's older, but he dropped less crazy hair stuff now. Yep, and Yeah, he's older, but he dropped like 15 20 pounds. So there's a there's definitely a case that he looks better I think now I think so too. I think the someone got ahold of him and tamed him down a bit I don't know who the fuck could do that to him. I don't know either. Maybe Melania

Do you think he looks I do think he looks better now than he did? For six years ago. I really I mean he could he looked insane the last presidency the white and the orange The face cream shit is always insane. The hair has obviously always been a story It looked absolutely crazy too. It looked like a dead animal on his head and he would wear these ill-fitting suits You got a multi-billionaire wearing these frumpy suits that like what happens when you're fat is you go you want to cover your fat yeah so you start you start buying things that are too big yep and you just look fatter oh yeah so yeah but he I think he actually looks better now I think so too Tom and I think Melania

never ages she She looks amazing. No, that's a totally different category. Yeah, so if you had to rank him, he's definitely not doing any shirtless photos, but I think. Will you rank him? Pull up our chart again. I would say,

he's also, he's in his 70s I'm gonna give him a Truman ranking like a 3-4. Yeah, it feels fair Yeah, so Biden's still the lowest on there. Oh poor guy Yeah, now you have to he's definitely better than that so if I gave Biden a three Biden's still the lowest on there. Oh. Poor guy. Yeah. Now you have to, he's definitely better than that. So if I gave Biden a three, yeah, I would say that Trump's a four and a half.

He's 70 fucking eight years old also. He looks better. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, I'm so glad we did this work. This was important. We're gonna get to Syria and some of the issues going on internationally in a moment. I'm so glad we did this work. This is important. We're gonna get to Syria and

Some of the issues going on in internationally in a moment Yeah, but this was important work We spent so much emotional energy on it too. Yeah, look how heated we got Tom. I know I feel like there was you know We don't really argue about much. I know marriage and then look at this became you got really upset with me Well, it makes you you know, like I said things you care about are things you get passionate about so Here's something to transition you out of that Yeah, I've seen this guy this guy's pretty interesting he's Russian right I think so He's Russian, right? I think so It's not that different than taking a shit in your underwear

It's the same type of thing. Hold on. It is though the taking a shit in your underwear I think involves a lot more preparation. First of all, you've got to give yourself diarrhea every day to film Well, you know, he's doing diarrhea tests. Sometimes he's like, oh, it's not diarrhea. It's solid, or it's just urine. Right, but let's infer that he's taking things that would induce diarrhea. So you're talking a few hours of prep work there. And then he's got to choose the underwear. What, you think eggs just grow on trees? This guy goes out and buys eggs.

He's doing it for like, this will get people excited. That's true. Yeah. I liked it, I liked watching it. This is more entertaining than a lot of stuff I see on television. Yeah, I liked it. I liked watching it. This is more entertaining than a lot of stuff I see on television. Well, I got some interesting stuff to show you. Um, is this horrible or hilarious? Here we go. Fuck dude. Oh, it's good, shit! Fuck, dude.

Oh, it was good, I liked it though. Hu Hong. Wow. Hu Hong! Yeah. Hu Hong! I think that means my arm. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, so, it sounds like you kinda laughed. I liked it, I thought it was funny, cause she should know better than to go next to that. Yeah, she should. I feel like. Here we go. That was a good one.

Oh, shit. Oh, oh, oh, oh. How did that happen? He's OK. Oh, oh, oh. He's OK. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, my.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. How is he laughing? How is this guy laughing? Because this guy has double-jointed he's just having fun oh Fuck thank God yeah It was fun because you think he's just cracked his leg in half, but it really was just We also speaking of videos like this we got an interesting email from a listener Hey guys, I was listening to this,

to the Adrian Apaluchi episode. But by the way, she has a great new special out on Netflix. You guys are of course, what? I just choked for a second. I can't choke. Hey, fuck you. It was just scary.

Why is it scary? I got scared. I thought you were dying. Everyone's fired. You guys. I got scared. I thought you were dying. Everyone's fired. Um, you guys The level of disrespect We just were worried. I mean, where we all concerned we thought I was fine I thought you were stroking out. We didn't want to say anything You know first it was the face

We didn't want to say anything. You know, first it was the face. Now I fucking choke on saliva for a second and you guys make it a big fucking deal. I'm gonna do a drawing for you choking on saliva. I already know how it's gonna go in my head. Like that. I'm returning your Christmas present. I was listening today to the Adrienne Appaloochee episode.

She has a great new special on Netflix. You guys, of course, are 100% free to do your thing. Thank you for that. Yes, but just one person's reaction. I'm unsubscribing because of the cavalier attitude to actual human suffering is too much, in parentheses, for me. Understandably, that a lot of comedy is about real human suffering is too much, in parentheses, for me. Understandably, that a lot of comedy

is about real human suffering, but this crosses the line, once again, in parentheses, for me. You're both doing great, this doesn't represent existential threat to your well-being, but if my message makes it to you, then I've communicated my wish for more compassion and different choices.

And I think that makes a better world. And I think comedy contributes to that better world. Uri. Okay. Thanks Uri, here you go. Thanks Uri. That guy is fucked. Yeah, he's so dead.

Dude, everything's fucked, the bike, the bones. Yeah. That was bad. That was real bad. Dude, what the fuck was he doing that? What did he think would happen then? Maybe that he would land and just keep on riding. I don't know. It's definitely a man.

I don't have to get a check on that. That's a guy. Let's see what it says here. That was really just all dumb. Yep, it was Danny Fender. Let's see. Holy shit. This dude, after that, he says he hit the drop

with too much speed, and it was also very windy. He later confirmed he had no broken bones. No way, Jose. Only a few scratches and a swollen knee. That is unbelievable. Here, I'll just say this, Danny, I'm glad you're okay. That looked like the dumbest thing I'd ever seen anyone do, but I'm glad you're okay. Yeah. That wasest thing I'd ever seen anyone do but I'm glad you're okay. Yeah, that was okay

I thought you were definitely dead She's gone that fucking hurt dude she belly-flap she got a mouthful water fucking top flew off Panies flew off, that was terrible. She put her feet in, like you gotta start skimming, you know? What is she trying to do here? She's trying to like foot surf like the, so like you're, but like the, that speed and the obviously the force of putting in,

you gotta like start by just like, just grazing the water, you know, and she just went all the way in. Yeah, that's wild. It was too much force. That was a lot. I wanna go back to everybody laughing at me. I... I...

I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I...

I... I... I... It was awful, babe. It's not that we were laughing at you, it's that you made this whole, it was scary and we were like, is he not gonna?

No, but there's repercussions, is what I'm saying. Oh no! Oh yes, there are. What are you gonna do? Well, there's no Christmas party anymore. I'm not doing that. Oh my god. I'm not doing that. And I'm not doing that,

and I'm not doing end of year bonuses, and I am taking back your gift. Now let's move on to the next segment. Ha ha ha ha ha! You said egg roll? Okay, how much is that? You have a General Tso's? It was cat's here too.

Is it spicy? He got into so many different positions. He got into six positions. Like on a scale of one to ten, how spicy is it? How spicy is it? So they are spicy. I don't know how spicy you eat. It's just spicy. The cat's chilling. The cat's so used to this. This guy's really good. I gotta say, this guy is really good.

I was looking for his name. It's Will the Farter. Oh, okay. I was looking for his name. It's will the farter oh Okay, wow this guy's really official he's on cameo if anyone's looking to get a videos your plug. I hope you enjoy him I'm very much so right in front of my computer. What do you need me to do? I'm not sure if you understand why I have asked you to be in front of the computer, right? Um, I'm not sure, but you can go ahead and elaborate. The thing is, actually, your father's only going to be up here on the computer. So he's one of these guys that can suck air in, right? That's clearly what's happening.

Cause I had a roommate like this in college that could do this. That's amazing talent. Yeah, and he would get on all fours and just and like just put on shows. Is he on Cameo too? I don't think so. He should be.

I think he works in sales. He's gotta change his career path immediately. This guy's amazing. What is hella? So he's sucking it in to fart. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I could watch this guy do this for hours. It's pretty cool.

Really good stuff. All right, there's one. Oh, well I just figured we should do this for you. Oh, please. If you want, so. I heard you bitches do this for you. Oh, please Just thinking about you choking What made you choke is it just spit from the roogies in your mouth I I can't wait. I can't wait to see you choke

You're so spiteful, I hope it's bad you're yours, you know what you're spicy today tom You're zesty. You're spicy What's going on with you? Here we go first video. What's going on? No nothing What are you gonna make today? Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck. No. Right? Too much momentum. He's not really, there's no control in that. He's just swinging them around. Yeah, and I'm a novice weightlifter that the form is not as long and the speed you should know better

Yeah, you don't have to go that fast. Nope hard pass. I'm not showing you again This lady's licking a flypaper You don't think they taste good at all maybe they're tasty I don't know maybe they're crunchy that was tasty too out of the gate I didn't like Buster cherry happy! Great to see you. I will say the name, Craven Moorehead. Sophie and a cock, sad to be gone. Shasha Mike Hunt, happy birthday.

Uh, Drew Peacock. Eatin' Beaver. Sad to be gone. Eileen Hewlett, I see you. Jack Mayhoffer, happy birthday. Excuse Drew Peaball. There's our girl. Mike Hockener, Mike Hockener happy birthday. Phil McCracken 20's Oliver Klooshoff.

Phil McCracken happy jixy wreck and Hugh Janus having a myleter quirk. Colonel Angus. Sleepy Joe out. Yo I didn't mean to say that. General tail ya happy 1000. You totally got me with that name So fond of cogs. Happy birthday to you Great the best part about this Is that it's somebody that that puts that name in their profile and then absolutely has to crush it in class To get called out like you gotta be top of the leaderboard. So you gotta be just so getting after it for them to be like so a huge fan of Cox or whatever. Get them, you can't just name it and get named, you know? Yeah, that's the best part.

Yeah, this is somebody who's like, I am naming it Mike and I'm gonna fucking crush it in class today so that they call me out. Can you start doing this? I don't think I can get it up there. Seriously? No. How many people ride with you at the same time? Well, I don't always do, I don't do the live, maybe it's like people in the live classes are doing it,

but these leaderboards are fucking, like some of the things I take will be 90,000 people. You know, they're not calling out someone who finishes 47,000. That's wild. We need to get the mommies on this. Yeah Yeah, this is amazing Mommies, you know what to do And left hand left hand left hand remove left hand remove the left hand remove yes Remove yes, yes remove Got it

Yes, she got it you like it You think she choked on saliva yeah fun of her for that You think they had a little more empathy we were all like, oh my god, is he gonna say something? Spiders of course. I mean, it's the inevitable conclusion of what I'm doing, but, ugh, they're old. They're raining down on me now. Can you see them? This might be the worst thing I've ever seen in my life.

That's why I put it in there. So he's in a cave, in one of those tight caves, and it is a spider den. Yeah! How awful. Can you see him crawling up on the walls? They're crawling all over him. Oh my god.

They're all over him. It's like a live wall of spiders. He's like, I've got to get a selfie real quick. Hold on. They're crawling all over. This is a very tight spot, and I'm not sure how well that can be seen but

Yeah reflect off my glove get through here with a certain amount of patience The rocks are sharper in this direction so that means I'm gonna have a real significant problem. Getting out of here. Just this one exact spot. I'm gonna set this here. God damn. I feel safe saying that this is white people shit.

This is what. This is just. That's true, we've never seen a black or Latino nobody cave climber. What are these cave tunnellers? It's just always the same type Asians. They're not interested. No nobody is and it's like so true to do this A is crazy and then B to be like I gotta make sure I have my fucking selfie stick To film this for everybody and make sure I bring a light too So you have to be like thinking of production as you do It's just awful it's so much

Anything what do you think I'm gonna take that for a ride Really turned on. Yeah. Are you? It's kind of hot. It's kind of nice time. You can't picture that licking up your clam? You wouldn't like to feel that? Babe, stop. If he goes all the way up your crack and all the way up the front? You would not be turned on at all if this guy licked you up. Babe? Stop. I'm gonna be sick. He looks good this guy licked you up. Babe, stop. I'm gonna be sick. He looks good.

I'd give him an eight. Tick tock eight. If all the presidents were doing this pose, I'd give him a higher rank. I'd give him a higher rank. What's up guys, today I'm gonna be teaching you how to make some. I gotta tell you, I really dislike this.

I really dislike. Why? Because he's so far gone, and this guy so needs an intervention and the full, the house needs to be set on fire. Whatever he's in, they need to just blow it up. Scrambled piss eggs tutorial, let me guess. You put your eggs in the pot,

you pour some piss in it. Well, let's see watch the video Yeah, I see that Darkest piss in America receipt or recipe All right, not too much once it's hot and steamy, you're gonna wanna scramble it up. Scramble it up! Oh, you can smell it, huh?

I'm gonna fuckin' pee. Steamy. Oh my god, look at how good that looks. Did you like it? Yeah, that was cool. Yeah? This is for you, babe. Oh, I've tapped into something I'm too crazy to explain.

You're too normal to understand. Thanks. I'm just glad that I managed to upset you the way you upset me at the beginning of the show. How did I upset you at the beginning of the show? Remember that guy? It was sexual and, ew. Yeah, he wanted to lick my tits and now you.

Ew. Stop it. You. Ew. Ah! Stop it. Stop! So I got served today at the pharmacy, and I'm not saying men can't look like this

because please, go off, kings, but like, I'm not doing damage to masculinity. I think y'all are when you serve me, when you call me a man, right? Like, I'm not a man. Don't consider me for the pool of men. And maybe the people who are like, oh, masculinity's in decline. Well, stop thinking I'm doing anything with it. I'm not part of that equation. Count me out.

I think you need to put more stuff on your walls. It's so bare. It is so bare. So bare. You know, it reminds me of like an apartment when you're 22. Yeah, it's depressing. You don't know how to hang some things up on the wall. Yeah, if you're going to be a lady, you've got to decorate. Yeah, yeah. The fucking audacity of whoever called this person sir, it's like fucking what is wrong with you?

I know. Show a little fucking consideration. It's so insensitive. I mean, yes, he's got a full beard. Who? Sorry, they have a full beard, but that doesn't mean that you're necessarily a sir anymore. No.

Fucking A, man. I know. It's so rude. Just. I agree though. He could sit, sorry, they could use a poster or like a painting of something. Yeah. You got it.

You got to hang some shit up. Okay, maybe that's why it's time Sorry How did he know? You know, he's watching us. He knew, it was the moment I looked at you, he's like, you fucker, don't stop. That's so weird. Really interesting collection from you today. Thank you.

If I had seen this collection brought to me, and someone said who curated this, I wouldn't have thought this was you. Really? It didn't really feel like Christina vibes, but then again, we're just kind of getting back into things. So we are Tom, I'm a whole new person. I'm just regrouping here.

And this episode overall felt kind of dark and horny, didn't it? It felt very horny. There's a lot of sexual undertones more than, but like sometimes horny feels good. Didn't feel so good. It didn't feel good for me either. It was awful horny. Yeah, it was bad. It was sad horny feels good didn't feel so good for me It was awful horny. Yeah, it was bad. It was sad horny. It was depressing It was kind of like jail horny, you know or like psych ward horny

Not the kind of horny really. Ooh Turned on this isn't feel like that. Yeah real real bad real sad. Thank you I would kind of credit you for that. So thank you very much Hey, you know, sometimes the algorithm speaks to me. I would kinda credit you for that, so thank you very much. Hey, you know, sometimes the algorithm speaks to me. I can't curate it. I think, being that it's December, we need to go out on something a little more joyful.

Yeah, good idea. A little bit, okay. Hey guys, you wanna make me green? That's right, guys, you want me green like a monster, man? Also horny. Yeah, again. You want to put all that dye in my body? Say yeah, make me baby and be met machine

We need to have your nasty way make that's right, man I won seven three five three two nine one three There you go six plus x three seven three eight five two three Six plus six two nine six eight one nine two nine seven. Oh six nine four number That's right, maybe baby man. Damn it. We're monster now. You won't make monster man You want a monster daddy man? You want to use this day? You want daddy be a monster freak and let me creep my head to toe and say shut up, baby We're gonna have a go. We're gonna go go go. That's right. You know, you know what I do guys

You want to get down so come on over guys? Wow Well, you know what reliable? Consistent I want to say, Robert, you look handsome. Looks great. You look good. I like the Grinch effect that was creative. It's in the holiday spirit. Definitely.

It's playful. Yeah. And I don't know if those are new phone numbers or just he's repeating the usual suspects. I think there's some of the usual numbers. Maybe there's an added number because four phone numbers. It's a lot for people to write down as they're watching this. Yeah, he runs through them pretty quick.

But goddamn, man, you look great. And I hope you have a great holiday, Robert. I hope it's really good. We love you. We always love you, buddy. Good to see you're up and doing your thing. Doing your thing and stuff like that. And hopefully the numbers, I hope all four

just keep ringing through the month of December. Great month to visit 2395, apartment 2C, 121st First Avenue, Spanish Harlem in New York. That's where he is. It's very public knowledge. It's actually on Google Maps. Oh, that's right. Under Robert Paul Champagne.

You can look it up. It'll take you right to this man's place. So. It's the amazing part. That's it. Fun day, fun show. It's December. I hope you are all taking care of yourselves.

Do your holiday shopping. I hope it's, it's my favorite month. It is? I love December. December. December's the best. It's sad that we're gonna have an all-new staff after the new year, but I think that I'm looking forward to meeting them. And you know, this is everyone's last show, so say your goodbyes. Happy holidays. We'll see you soon. But your camel toe I cannot ignore So keep them high up tight, you sexy tiger I wanna see those thighs explode Now turn around so I can see your entire

Parking garage at the end of my road And forgive me if you see my mouth water Don't mean to be rude, I just want me to bite Cause I've been starving myself now I'm kinda In the mood for some bone chum tonight and if you don't give me my appetizer with some stinky sauce I think I'll just die reincarnation as your genes when they're high and tight Thanks for watching!