Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Sigma Chi Hates To See Him Coming | Your Mom's House Ep. 836

Episode Date: November 12, 2025

Tom will be filming his new stand-up special in Milwaukee at The Riverside Theater on November 14th & 15th! Tickets are still available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show. Go get your tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour. SPONSORS: - Go to https://Helixsleep.com/YMH for 27% Off Sitewide. - Head to https://BlueChew.com to get your first month of FREE with promo code YMH - Head to https://www.squarespace.com/MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code MOM. It’s almost Jeans-giving, and Tom Segura & Christina P are feeling thankful for historical revisionism, meth-fueled prophets, and the sweet smell of 1700s body odor. The Main Mommies kick things off with a totally factual retelling of Thanksgiving, then dive into life (and death) before antibiotics — when losing a tooth could mean losing your brain. Tom unveils his plan to hit 3% body fat “just to feel something”, Christina confesses her papier-mâché addiction, and they dissect the seeming reincarnation of everyone’s favorite tweaked out double agent asking cops, “What’s your serial number?” Add in J. Lo’s silent treatment to her bus driver, a Barbie with diabetes, and a guy who physically can’t eat a pickle — and you’ve got a classic hour and some change of unhinged YMH magic. Your Mom’s House Ep. 836 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:45 - A Stinky History Lesson 00:08:06 - Opening Clip: What's Your Serial Number? 00:15:49 - FedSmoker Jr 00:20:46 - A Quick Lipshits Plug 00:21:46 - Clip: Cool Neighbor Lady 00:25:48 - Tom’s 3% Body Fat Plan 00:32:15 - Vial & Disgusting Fat Guy 00:38:25 - Christine's Craft Hoarding Intervention 00:43:33 - Piss Break & Diabetes Barbie 00:47:28 - Jennifer Lopez 00:58:35 - Clip: Master Of Clits 01:02:13 - Clip: Afraid Of Pickles 01:06:42 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:12:15 - Clip: Ryan Wants To Be Recognized 01:13:12 - Wyatt Buhl 01:18:00 - Closing Song -"White Girl (With A Fat Ass)" by Odd-Track Numbers Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody? I'll be in Milwaukee this weekend for three shows at the Riverside Theater on November 14th and 15th, filming my new stand-up special. I'll also be in Las Vegas on Friday, November 21st at Dolby Live. Get your tickets now at tomsegura.com slash tour. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. episode of your mama's place and we are here and we're queer and we're not going anywhere not until we get our rights so get married to your dog and listen to this show it's going to be a good one it's almost thing it's almost genes giving I know I know it's coming right up my jeans are so tight for it this is the day I can't believe it that fucking the Indians were walking around just

fucking blowing wind out of their mouths at the air, hoping that it would rain. And luckily, the Europeans came and said, let us show you how it's done. And it was a really nice day. And they came and they're like, we have bread and we have chickens and guns. Do you want to try them? And then everyone became friends. And that's kind of a neat thing about Thanksgiving. It is.

That's exactly how it happened. That's how everybody became friends. Yeah. You know, can you imagine? I always think about this, how cold. it was outside. So cold. So cold. And how hot it used to be, too. We've had air conditioning like 60 years.

You imagine what it was like to live like here in Texas. Oh my God. In the 1850s or something? Oh my God. How horrific that would be. But even those settlers, like, they were all, fuck you, England. I'm going to go do my shit in America. I'm going to take a boat across the ocean. So miserable. And then they showed up here and you're all, whoa, it's cold as fuck,

Oh, it's all snowing here and shit, dude. And they're like, these Indians got to teach us how to, you know, buggin' shelter. Well, we forget how common death was. I know. Death just happened all the time. It wasn't weird. Like, it wouldn't be like, oh, my God, everyone was like, yeah, someone, like 10 people died. Just dust, yeah.

Well, I was thinking how many times, like, you and I would have been dead already. Oh, my God. Like, when you broke your arm and snapped your Pateller tendon, you probably would have just died. Well, yeah, people would be like, what were we going to do with them? Can't do anything anymore. Just let them die here. They wouldn't even have picked you up. No.

Yeah. I was like, ah, and then they would be like, just leave them, I don't know. They'd throw some food down, eat that, and then die. Well, they definitely would have amputated your arm. Like, you would be, and if you lived through that? Oh, my gosh. They probably didn't have wheelchairs. And how crude would the amputation be?

They'd be just a saw, and they'd give me some tequila. Yeah, you bite the stick. It would be so cool. And then I broke my ankle. I would have had, I would have been an amputee. Just cut shit off. But way before then, I'd been so, I've gotten sick so many times, you know, where like you had to have antibiotics and everything.

They just would have been like, yeah, he's just, he's dying. It's fine. Or like, um, ear infection? You're like, I'm just deaf. I'm just deaf. Death and dead. Yeah. Yeah.

How do people live? How did you even survive? You had to be one tough motherfucker. Or even, like, tooth decay. You get a cavity, dude? Then you get brain rot. Just go right into your brain. Or they just ripped out your tooth.

No anesthesia. Yeah, we'd all have brown, yellow, and missing teeth. You'd go, eh, and it'd be like four teeth left. You know how I'm a gay lord for, like, the 17, 1800s, and, like, the court and all that? Yeah, you're the gayest person ever. Okay. Yes. So I'm really into, like, Marie Antoinette in that court.

That's so gay. Um, do you know back in the day like when all those ladies had those massive gowns, you know, it's not like you fucking pull your pants down and you take a shit in the bidet. So they had chairs like wooden chairs that you would like hoist your dress up in and then hopefully you sit down and take a pish. And of course it wasn't flushable. There's no plumbing. No, I know. That's another thing. Plumbing. Thank God. And how people would smell. I think about that sometimes. All the time. Just you sitting in your. your layers of valour you know there's like five layers just cooking in there I know and then bathing with it was a task so they'd just be like well do it do it in a few days are you bathed with like your bathing costume or imagine the smells that would come out as you took them off like it would finally the smells would come out and then someone was like you want to fuck and you'd be like oh well I was watching this comedy called the decameron I'm probably not saying it right on Netflix it's so good and there's this one thing

scene where these two lesbos are eating each other out. Nice. And I was like, dude, like, how bad does that one chick's beaver smell? You know, they don't shower in the whole thing. Yeah, this is so funny. It's so good. I'm going to fluid bond with Jesse. I'm probably not saying right, the decamoran. It's really smart and really funny and well-acted. How are you supposed to say it? I have no idea. Can you look that up, Josh? I'm sure not. It's a historical whatever play. D-Camer. It's Italian. It's Italian. I believe. All right.

And the music's cool. Whoever did it. Okay. Okay. There you go. How to pronounce the name of this book

originates a book and it's also a TV series Netflix. So let's break it down how to pronounce it. Yeah, dude, go for it. The Cameron. The Cameron.

The Cameron. If you want to learn how to pronounce character names absolutely state. Okay, well, anyway, the Camerre, it's brilliant. It's so funny and dark, and the music's insane, and the acting is insanely funny. Great. And they eat each other out in like the smelliest time.

Are they like, oh. It's during the plague. Oh, my God, your pussy smells. No. No. I wish. It takes place during the plague. So everyone's dying left and right.

It's a plague comedy. Do you realize how common death would have been to you then? Yeah. You would be like, everyone I know is dead. Yeah. Everyone I know is dead. Yeah. That's the joke.

Like, that's the long-running joke is how frequent people died and characters you love just die. But how would that affect, I'm saying, your life? You would just, you would not attach yourself to anyone, right? You would have, like, a distance of everybody. It's like being old. Yeah. Because the elderly don't like new relationships I've heard. Right.

Like, you don't want to get married at 80 because you're like, why am I going to do this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I agree. You're probably way more flippant with your behavior. But they did believe in an afterlife. So there is a threat of heaven or hell. So you probably weren't a total piece of shit. But you were like, fuck it, dude.

Like, I don't get a fuck. I'm gonna die. Fuck a dude. I'm fucking die. Oh, fucking whatever, homie. Oh, shit. Whatever. Give you that hole.

Come on. Probably were just into. I wonder if they effed as much as they do in like the tutors and my TV shows about Henry the ape. I think once everyone's dying around you, I don't actually think. you go let's just fuck who cares you're probably just like i just don't want to do anything because everyone's dying yeah like you you're like i have 25 years to live i think your horniness probably dips down because you're bummed out all the time about death you're like god damn i just i just had lunch and someone died at the fucking table like yeah that is so true yeah because you're just

like oh did you hear us nicholas is dead and you're like oh okay what's for lunch yeah it's that common. It's a lot. And your kids died. You had to have like 10 of them so that two would survive. Jesus Christ. All right. Um, um, you ready to start this thing? Yeah. Got something good for you. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Here you go. Name a serial number. Uh-oh. You mean my ID number? Where's your serial number? Yes. Like my people saw? Is that your ass? Your serial number. Please, my name's Chris. Okay. So could you please explain specifically what? what you're needing.

So what is your serial number? That's how we do things with LAPD. So what is your serial number? Oh, okay. So you want like the employee ID number? Your serial number. That's not, that's not the same thing. Well, that's how LAPD does things.

We're not in L.A. man, are we? No, we're not. So what is your serial number? So if you want my ID number, it's 9-7-4-7-4. Okay, so that's your serial number. Fuck yeah. We're back, baby. We're back.

So good, dude. Welcome to your mom's house. your mom's house. Welcome. Welcome. Mian Segura. Talks at Christina Pajitzen. Yeah, me, yeah.

Welcome to your mom's house. Miao, bam, meow. Miao, meow, meow, meow, meow, meo, meo, meo, mm-mm-uh-uh. Oh, feel it. Wow. How are these things different? The serial number. Take it easy, fuck in it.

I mean, doesn't this make you believe in reincarnation? Yes. This is the same guy. It's the same guy. This is the same guy. And he's learned nothing. Yeah. No, yeah.

It's reincarnated to do wreak havoc again. Yeah. There's always a menace. And it's him. It's him. God is like, we need this. I know I gotta say this. This cop is like really handling this well.

Oh, yeah. Like that's as good as a like an exchange can go. I know. If you're, you're questioning a cop. Hey, what's your fucking? serial number and the guy's like what and it's king county right so he's what is that's in washington so he's like and then this guy's like LAPD he's like yeah we're not in L.A. buddy we don't do that he's like anyway what's your fucking serial number I know and he's so sweet

what we call people soft here that's your employee ID nope it's serial number that's how we can see in L.A. Is this a joke or something? Are you coming pumped? I guess you got nothing better to do but sit around here uh finish my lunch I did you sitting here running the unit Yeah. Burning gas. It costs maybe $50 to fill up the tank, $50, $100 to fill up the tank. Oh, no, no. Gas prices isn't that bad. So why don't you turn off the unit since you have the windows down? Oh, otherwise the radio won't work. Well, you got your handheld radio.

I'm supposed to keep that available, so when I get out of the car, I can I check battery to use. He didn't follow proto, buddy. You're done. But how is it that he even has the same? strain in the voice. I know. It's exactly the same. Probably a similar lifestyle. You know. Maybe the lifestyle makes your voice, you know. You nailed it. Yeah. Gene. Yeah. Bro. Gene. You nailed it. But what is this lifestyle? Oh, I can go through it. Well, you don't really sleep in a regular pattern. You know, you don't go like, well, my circadian rhythm's important. It's time to go to bed now. Right. You sleep at odd hours, usually probably minutes at a time.

You eat street food and shit from 7-Eleven, probably a lot of sugary drinks. You're sleeping in a car or a bus or something. Yeah, you don't really lay flat on something comfortable. No, you're never laying flat. The holidays are right around the corner, which means it's getting colder and you're probably getting busier. Whether you're inside prepping to host everyone and their mom, or you're out shopping for them, getting good sleep is the key to staying healthy this holiday season. Don't forget to gift yourself a great night's rest with a new Helix mattress,

which is the mattress that Tim and I sleep on every night. It is a dream come true. It just feels like a perfect thing for my body. From night sweats to back pain to motion transfer, say goodbye to the sleep issues that keep you up at night. This sleep quiz will take your personal needs and preferences into consideration to match you with a perfect mattress. They even deliver right to your door with free shipping in the U.S. And you can rest easy knowing you're backed by seamless returns and exchanges with the happy with Helix Guarantee. Go to helixleep.com slash YMH for 27% off site wide.

That's helixleep.com slash YMH for 27% off site wide. Make sure you enter our show name. into the post-purchase survey so they know we sent you. Helixleep.com slash YMH. Guys, enter the room dick first. Blue Chew isn't just a tablet. It's a cheat code for your crotch. Stronger, harder, longer-lasting,

like someone gave your downstairs a pep talk and a gym membership. Blue Chewool is the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex. I love what Blu-chew does. Getting this delivered to the house makes it so much easier. to go about my day and know that I can be rock hard whenever I want. Guys, this isn't just about performance. This is about legacy or third leg a C. Give her group chat something to talk about.

You know when you lay it down, they're talking about how it gets up. Nothing makes you more of a legend than a little bluechew. Discover your options at bluechew.com, and we've got a special deal for our listeners. As always, get your first month of bluechew free. Just use the promo code YMH at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping. That's it.

Join Bluechew's mission to upgrade humanity one thrust at a time. Head to Blu.com for details and safety information. And big thanks to Bluchu for sponsoring the podcast. Yeah, you're ingesting things that are terrible most of the time. It's like a lot of AMPM hot dogs. And then there's like some natural gifts you were born with upstairs. And then you probably can exacerbate the situation by what other things you drink and smoke. right or snort and I think too maybe the yelling yeah makes your voice hoarse a lot of yelling

yeah especially to police officers to the cops and again he also how do they both find cops all the time that were willing to engage so sweet yeah most cops so nice I feel like if you're like they're like who fuck are you or they should what are you doing asking me questions asshole you know this one's so nice I guess you got nothing better to do but sit up in the shade apparently this is more important all these homeless people that's really not to do with me but yes it is you're sitting around doing nothing oh my god how much money do you get paid at $200,000 a year like LAPD okay absolutely not

what agency do you work for are you a certified peace officer in the state of Washington yeah I am I'm a fucking American you fuck Mm-hmm. What was it? Drew said that cocaine, you run away from the cops. Yes. You run too. Towards them, yeah.

Cocaine, you see a uniform. You jump out of window. And on meth, he's like, you can see like 15 cops. You're like, I'll fuck all you guys up. Yeah. You got to get it going, bud. That's so good. He is, what a treasure.

Do we have any more? Fed Jr? Oh, yeah. Fed Jr. Sure. He's filming these poor little sweet college boys. Because you don't play a dress-up wearing a little shorts and not. Just like him. Just like him.

You're copying, what is that airline, soft-list airlines that has their employees wearing shorts and that, they look a fool. Why did you know that? Yeah, why do you know that? How did you know that? job imagine yo how did he know that was a southwest employee outfit like i've seen them a million times i couldn't tell you what their outfits are some of these guys that get this like meth savant shit going on where they can somehow recall things they've seen in passing

yeah it's fucking it's astounding it's astounding i can't remember that yeah and he and that kid even said it he's like how do you fucking know that yeah well Wow. This is just a fucking college sophomore, right? Sweet. Yeah. They're just doing their, they're mining their business.

They're going to something. That's what the, the Herc legacy, I would say, is most known for, is disrupt people who are just mining their own business and living their life peacefully.

But my favorite two, yes, that's true, Tom, and that's what makes him so special. But I also liked when he would go into, like, city council meetings. Oh, yeah. Because you have to understand, too, that you've got to wait a long time.

You've got to get through metal detectors. Oh, it's the worst. It's the whole thing. You've got to listen to a lot of people saying boring stuff. Yeah. And then he waits for his three minutes or whatever. Yeah. And then you accost people.

Yeah. Yeah, it look like a fool. If you're going to wear the top, you should wear at the bottom. That's true. And that's true. He's right. Yeah. Maybe next time I see you, I'll have all your information.

Yeah? Never know. I'd be a little weird, though. It's a little creepy, isn't it? Yeah. You some kind of joke or something? Yeah. It is true, though, to wear a blazer and then khaki shorts.

Oh, it's goofy as shit. It's a horrible look. But, you know, it's still just, they're kids. Yeah. They're kids just doing their, they're going to something together, right? They're probably going to some social event. Yeah, is that a fraternity look, Josh? Is that like a thing?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So he targets fraternity boys and police. Specifically, Sigma Kai fraternity. Yeah, Sigma Kai is what he's all about. What are the Sigma Kai about? Like, do they represent something that?

I don't think so. I think he just is kind of obsessed with them. I mean, do you know, Cougar? Is there more backstory to why that frat? I don't know. I mean, he also has some problems with Scientology. Well, that goes without saying. He's got this.

convoluted conspiracy, I think. No. Really? This guy? He's got another one here. Look. Aw. You kind of cute these boys are.

You're recording us? Yeah. What? Why you're recording us? Because I want to. You good, bro? Yeah, have a good day. Let me record you as well. Have had it.

Why are you reporting us? Because I want to. No, but you can't do it without a permission, dude. Okay, what law is that? What? What? What? Okay, what law says that?

Can you name me the statue? I don't know. It's a general courtesy, dude. Okay, courtesy is not law. Have a good day. Touching my camera through the fence, you faggot. Yeah. Yeah, pretty cool.

It's Statute, by the way. It's not statue. I thought I heard statue as well. Yeah. But, yeah, cool. Tata, there, return. I'm so excited to see the evolution of this talent. Well, it'll end soon.

So, yeah, it's a great thing to get on now so we can see how it goes before it ends. Yeah. But, yeah. They burn out so fast these guys. They do, man. They do. It's just the lifestyle of chasing white chariots and calling out, you know, baby. So, yeah, it takes a lot.

out of you. They definitely... It does. You have to enjoy them while they're here. While they're here. Listen, as long as we're here, let me plug my lipstick. I'm wearing Evermore liquid lipstick. This is nocturne is the shade. It's very dark and very spooky for fall flavors. Try it out. Also check out my velvet crush blush. I have two shades out right now. It is so luxurious. I'm wearing them right now. And yeah, try it out. It's time to get into your holiday shopping now. Absolutely. And I would say order them now because I do limited batches. I order them in limited runs from Italy. Itly. Itly takes a while to get here. And then here's the different shades. You can choose from. Oh, it's such high quality stuff, you guys. And it's fun. It's a little weird. Thanks, meo. That's me. That's me. That's cute.

That's what I like that. So you guys want to get some blush with your backup? Can I do your face? Can I do you? No, I'm good. Why? I'm good. You know who else has a really interesting voice? Is the lady in this clip. Check this out. Thank you. My garbage disposal went out.

Oh, dang. I don't have one. Yes, you do. No, I don't. Why not? It wasn't one installed. So I got to get one installed. These houses have always had garbage disposal.

They always came with them. Not in mine. I never heard of such a thing. He must have took it out. What a motherfucking wacko Yeah, I don't have one Yeah, I got somebody to check I don't have one

You looked under the sink? He did, yeah It's not one there Why would you do that? Yeah, I bought one, I got to get somebody to install it What'd you buy? What'd you buy? I bought one from Lowe's but I'm a wait Because I want a new sink

So I get it all done at one time It needs to be three quarters horsepower You know, please Plus power I just had to order one It sounds like Joey Diaz. Second time, third time, I've already replaced this. Every 10 years, they go out.

Well, at least you got one. I don't. Yeah, I've always had one. Mm-mm. I never heard of such a thing. Mm-mm. They all came with garbage disposals. Not me. Why would you take it out?

I don't know. Can I tell you something, though? Mm. This conversation is so stupid and boring. Yeah. I'm like, I want to shoot myself. I know, but I just could listen to her talk for an hour. The voice is incredible.

What are you talking about? What are you talking about? They've never heard of such a thing. That's literally what she sounds like. They all came with garbage disposals. This is a voice we... Why the hell would you take one out? This is a voice...

You and I heard a lot growing up because of cigarettes. Yeah, I know. It's another bummer. I know. We don't get these voices anymore. They're only in people that are about to die. I know. This was like vintage...

This bitch. existed everywhere when you and I were kids. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And, you know, not to make it a thing, but it's also kind of, it also kind of sounds like, you know, we were fuck partners. Yeah. They have the same kind of register. Yeah. We were fuck partners. That's why I got a garbage disposal. She sounds like Krusty the cloud. Yeah. That is nuts. I wonder how much she has smoked. to do that. Because who does crusty? Is it Dan Castaneda?

Castaneda? I mean, he's so good. It's that same crusty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's that register. She's got to shred it up her voice over years.

There's just thousands of cigarettes. Rippin darts. Rippin darts. Yeah. No, I haven't smoked in years. That's what she would probably say. It's really bad for you. It fucked me up.

Now I just, you know, I drink my teas. Yeah. Yeah. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one platform designed to build your brand, grow your business, and succeed online. Whether you're selling services, booking clients, or just getting your ideas out there, Squarespace gives you everything you need all-in-one place. It's super easy to offer services.

From consultations to online classes, you can book appointments, send professional invoices and get paid all through your site. No more juggling, multiple apps. There's a plethora of cutting-edge design and SEO tools available to build a custom website that's tailored to your brand or business. With their AI website builder and a complete library of award-winning website templates, you'll have a customized site in no time. So if you've been waiting for a sign to start building your brand, this is it. Head to Squarespace.com mom for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use code mom to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Sometimes the best gifts aren't gifts at all. Their experiences, journeys, something that unwraps them.

This year, help them explore their past with ancestry DNA. Help them discover where they come from and who they're connected to. Now with even more regions, exclusive features, and incredible detail. They can see where they're from and the paths that shape their family's story. This holiday, give more than a gift. Give AncestryDNA. Visit Ancestry.ca for more details. Terms apply. God, I used to smoke so many cigarettes. Do you remember when we smoked? You just smoked like you were immortal. Yeah. You were just like, I don't fucking care. And I'm going to go back. I'm going back, baby. When are you going to pick up cigarettes? Soon. I don't know. Really? I hope so. Well, I do think, and this is probably inappropriate to say, but, you know, talk to my oncologist and she's like, there are people that smoke their whole lives,

never get lung cancer. I know. And then the person who never smoked a day in their life gets lung cancer. Dyes of lung cancer. Yeah, it's really crazy. Do what you're going to fucking do. Knowing my family history, it's probably not a good idea. You guys are all made of cancer.

Everyone's made of cancer in my family. On both sides. Both sides. I know. There's like a zero percent chance that I'm not getting cancer. No, stop. Yeah. Well, hopefully it's an easy one.

A nice one. a nice cancer like um what's the the dick one the dick cancer that you just you don't even have to treat yeah yeah i'm not looking forward to that what he did because sometimes they don't even need to treat that you just have to come a lot right no that's not dr drew said that when he had it remember no no no i think you're that's not the message that's what that's how he got cured no no no no he had he had surgery he had his prostate removed and then he had to come a ton he had to come once a day he talked about this for. What we're talking about are two different things. It's that if you are active and ejaculating

a lot, it's good for your prostate. It's good for your prostate to be active, right? Yeah. But once you have an issue with your prostate, if you have prostate, they don't go, just keep coming, it'll beat it. They have to surgically remove it. Yeah. But I'm saying for you, for me in particular, wouldn't you love to get, if you have to choose that kind, because then you can come a ton. No, I don't think you're understanding the situation. That's not how this works. Okay. He did say that on the rehab side of it, he had to come a ton.

I wonder if my new diet that I'm on will help or hurt that. What are you doing now? So I hired a bodybuilder nutritionist and he gave me a plan. And the goal is to get to, you know, like sub 5% body fat. What? Yeah. Is that supposed to happen? I mean, it's not, they said you can't.

maintain it for long because you feel like you're going to die. I just want to see what it feels like. What? Yeah. But of course you need some fat, Tom. Right, a whole 5%. Okay. Can you Google what's normal for a grown-ass man, especially an elderly man like my husband? Excuse me. Excuse me. Oh, you're elderly. I'm not elderly. Aren't you 50 yet? 67. I'm 12 years younger than you. You look 5,000 years old. Yeah, babe, the normal body fat percentage for middle age, that's you, 40 to 59, is generally considered to be to be between 11% and 21%. I'm just going to do three. I'm just going to try to get to three. Babe, you're going to have renal failure. That's fine. We already just went over. I'm going to die. That's true. You may as

well be hot. Hit the show more stuff. There you go. Essential fat. Necessary for survival. That's what I'm trying to get to. You want to get to that. You're almost there. I want to get to like almost not alive. Do Brad Pitt and fight club. Was he there? Oh, he was low. He was real low. He was real low. What's the fun? Is it just to see your muscles and stuff? Yeah, just to see just to see how good you look? He was between five and six. Yeah, he was 155. It's crazy, dude. Yeah, yeah. That's what you're going to look like and then you're going to die. Probably better than that because I'm going to go down to three. How long are you going to sustain this, babe? I mean, probably until you collapse. Apparently,

you really want to die when it's that low. I talked to some people, they said, you really want to fucking kill yourself. Why is that? You just feel like absolute shit. You feel like shit morning, noon, and night. And your tea drop, everything,

you're just like, you just feel horrible. And then you're like, take a picture. So it's just for the aesthetic. Yeah, yeah. And also just I want to see like how far I, what I will do as I'm pushing myself and I go, I don't want to do this anymore

and how far I can push it. You got to do a documentary. Yeah. Like the biggest loser, you know? Yeah. Sure. Yeah, I'll be fucking really funny, actually. Hey, here's a new doc about my body dysmorphia.

Yeah. What's the lowest you've gotten any? Do you know what your walk-around percentage is? Because you're real lean. I don't think I've ever checked. I'll pay for you to get a Dexas scan. Okay. What does that until?

They tell you how fat you are. You just lay down on this thing and it has a full, you get like a full that thing right there and then it just uh gives you see that image there on the on the right uh yeah on the far right am i getting knocked out no no no no put needles in me no no no no no no you just nothing you just lay still it's optional you just lay still and then it shows you your skeletal structure and everything going inside and it tells you like it breaks it down like that's horrifying touch me and shit no one touches you yeah okay i'll do it okay i'm interested I want to know what yours is.

What do you think it is? He's like... I mean, I don't... I have no, like, a reference for it? I don't know. He's like a greyhound. Yeah. He's so lean.

Yeah. Greyhound. Yeah. Like a, you know, like a runner. Yeah. You're like a running animal. Yeah. You are like a little gazelle.

Wait, why do men need fat, though? Because women need it for, like, reproduction and, like, periods. I mean, various things, right? Like, you... What? Well, your body uses fat as an energy source, and then it also provides you with some insulation, like, you know. Dude, you're going to be so cold. I know, I'm already cold.

I'm colder than I've ever been. I'm cold all the time now. Yeah, that's just from dropping some weight. That's true. See, I always thought that was like a fat person myth. No. Or like, oh, you're just hot all the time. I used to stand up and start sweating.

So, yeah, it's pretty different now. this is exciting for you yeah I want to be emaciated you know I know yeah I know you know I grew up in the Kate Moss era yeah yeah and like nothing tastes as good as skinny feels that's what she said and it's like it's so true it looks so much better it looks so much better yeah of course I was thinking of my disdain for that guy we saw at that restaurant I know I know I know I know it was like we saw we were in in Boca and we saw a guy who was like the Monty Python sketch. Is this well?

I can't eat anymore. Yeah. Woffer. It's a wafer thing. I'm full. When you bring that up, it's like he eats so much that he explodes and pukes everywhere. And he's just like, just one little waffer. A waffle thing.

I can't make anymore. I'm fucking full. It's such a great sketch. There I know. Those guys are so great. Yeah. But I get it. Like, the thing, okay, can I tell you what?

makes me sad is because we all want to be that guy. Right. You indulge. Yeah, but you have to, like there needs to be a mechanism in your dumb brain that goes stop it, dummy, because you're going to kill yourself. Yeah. And then some people don't have it. Or they do and they just. No, you push past it. Yeah. Yeah. Because I get mad because I go like, oh, you're such a waste of life. Like I, Life is so precious and special to be a human, like to be incarnated as a human, you've won the lottery, the cosmic lottery. And like, that's what you're going to do.

It's crazy. I get so upset. I know. That's what I was looking at that guy. I was like, you're so disgusting. Yeah. He was so vile. Yeah.

He goes, hey, we got to move tables. It's not enough room over here. Yeah. And everybody was like looking around. They're like, what do you mean? He was like, how can we fit, you know? And they're like, oh, of course, sir. And then they moved them to a table that was more room than they needed,

but not if you're considering how fat he and his buddies were. Well, the whole family was like, it was excessively large, I will say. So that people understand we're not just talking about someone caring. It was literally like the Monty Python. No, it was like the, it was a lot. It was the Eddie Murphy. Like the crumb. Yeah.

They were just. Jesus Christ. Yeah. They were just fucking. fucking huge man. The clumps, sorry, not the crumps. Yeah, exactly, dude. And you're like, oh. Ah, let me get a couple of these of prosciutto plates over here. I remember, I know. And we were trying to eavesdrop so that we could hear what they were ordering. I'm like, I got to hear what this is. Yeah, yeah. It's got to be so much. And he had that he sat like this at the table.

Yeah. Oh, man. His hands were out here. I was like, God, dude, get through fucking shit together. Yeah, get your shit together. Get your life. Where did you go wrong? That's what I kept thinking. I know. So anyway, seeing him made me go 3%. Yeah. I agree. I think that's a really healthy goal for you. You think so? Yeah, for sure. It's not bad. It's not bad. Yeah. I'm just going to get down to it. It's perfect. I'm like, I can't. Could you not try, just do me a favor? Yeah. Just could you not try to actively kill yourself? Yeah. Is it just, is this being married to me? You're like, I got to try to die before. Huh. I never. I never thought of that.

Huh. Because you really have a leaning towards self-torture. It's like, I'm going to do the cold plunge, and that's terrible. Yeah. I'm going to pull the plow in the backyard. What is that stupid horse shit, the sled? Yeah. Now I'm going to get down to 2% body fat.

I really think my... Two, shit, I was thinking of three. All right, two's a new goal. Are you, like, suicidal? Huh. Is it, is it me? You know, I'll take that one to therapy this week. It's a good one to explore.

Yeah. You should go for the world record. What's the world record? I don't know. I'm just saying you should go for the lowest possible body fat. Oh, let's see. It's got to be like, what about like athletes? There you go.

Dude, that guy looks perfect. Yeah. Is that what you're going to look? Two percent. He's two percent. Yeah, I can't get to that. He looks like beef jerky. It's a beautiful goal, but I can't get to it.

It's not beautiful. I don't like that. What do most bodybuilders compete at? Like what, what's their, when they're competing? What are they at? I don't like that at all. I wonder, it's got to, I mean, it's got to be five or around there, right? Three to eight. Okay.

And women, it's 10 to 15. So that's, that's so low for a woman. Yeah, let's just do it, man. Let's just do it. Okay, look at these percentages. Bodybuilding, three to eight, gymnastics, five to 12. marathon runners 5 to 11 triathlon 5 to 12 soccer 10 to 18 tennis 12 to 16 but for women 15 to 20 and that and that means like you're losing your period at that yeah it's going away way higher than you guys

yeah it's going away dude that's gnarly nobody wants to hear that hmm that's sound the drinking anyway so you're going to be seeing some kind of dramatic things coming these next few months I hate like the fucking machinist. Christian veil. Well, the interesting thing is, you know, I got the plan. It's not starving. You're not starving. You're actually just eating.

You're eating more times a day, but you're just eating specific things. What are you eating? Just chicken? It's a secret. Yeah. No, yeah. There's a lot of lean stuff. Yeah.

And then, yeah, there's some, there's carb cycling. Yeah. Carb cycling? Yeah, high days, medium days, low days. Oh, for fuck. It's just, Tom. what is that crazy what are you doing what is this fucking 3% man what is you don't have enough challenges in your life you don't you're writing the tv show you're taping a special you're

touring you've got a family and now you got to you got to torture your body on top of this like what what is going on just do drugs could you just start taking drugs yes you're such an is this an addict's brain is that what this is i don't know can't be still i don't know just be still enjoy your money stop it no you gotta do something else can I tell you what I've been doing and I want to actually take a minute

here to thank Rob Eiler so look since I was sick last year I started crafting pretty hard and I really thank you for not pointing out the excessiveness of my supply buying you do a lot of bullshit

a lot of bullshit yeah there's always a number of bullshit things that arrive at the house, usually on a daily or, you know. It's daily. It's hourly. It's a problem. Yeah. I admit that. But yeah, I mean, we started off, I started off drawing, drawing you nude, which I sold that, which was very exciting. Yeah, that was awesome. Thank you so much for that. And then acrylic painting. And then I got into clay, and then I got to paper mache. And I was buying, like, mannequins to put paper mache on and paint. And then I was telling Rob about the paper mache because I've got like paper

machete pumpkins lying around. The kids are going to paint them. And I was saving newspapers to use later for the paper mache sculptures that I'm making, saving boxes, saving papers. And Rob was like, Christina, you got to stop this. You got to stop this. I go, why? You're going to ruin your marriage.

This is deal breaker type of shit. And I just want to thank you, Rob. because I threw away all the paper machet horse shit. I knocked it off. I'm going to fuck her. I'm not going to do that stupid stuff anymore because it is a, it's a lot of bullshit around the house. You're right. And I'm just going to, now I'm into watercolors.

I just bought one little tiny palette and just a one pad. That's all I'm going to do for now. Nice. Water colors. Water colors. So maybe some art will be coming out of you, those beautiful blue eyes. Okay. But thanks, Rob.

You're right. It was bullshit. Maybe I'll get into some artsy stuff too, okay? would you like that you don't can i tell you something cut talk to you for a second yeah you'd enjoy it but there's something about you that likes to torture yourself more like this kind of shit like i gotta get down to three percent body fat like there's something in you that the self flagellation bit yeah you like that's true you like to really fucking push it yeah i don't know why you don't like to enjoy yourself this is not you either pushing it to the max like that

or you're just like chilling in bed watching murder like those are your two it's like I perform in front of 10,000 people in an arena or I'm isolated in the house watching murder okay you just described what it is to be a man is that right yeah we kind of yeah like if we succeed like there's no succeed

there's no success like you just got to do the next thing you got to hurt yourself you got to feel like you're accomplishing something beating something you know yes that does make sense No, that's lovely. I do like that. The plight of the man. It is.

What is it, is it testosterone? I don't know if it's testosterone necessarily. I mean, I'm sure that plays a role in it, but I don't know. I don't know why that's the thing that men, a lot of men, just go, well, don't, I guess it's just don't be complacent. Yeah, you guys have itchy assholes. Yeah, you got to scratch them. You got to scratch your asshole. You got to get out of the house.

I got to go, I got to build, I got to do. I also feel like I'm a better person than other people no oh I'm a better version of myself when I'm doing things 100% because a man who doesn't have a purpose yeah becomes very fucked up that's real that's very real oh sure we've known men like this we know them yeah yeah they don't figure something out like a passion or a drive it's not good it's not good it's not good it's not good But you know, can I tell you, can I talk to you something? This is what. Jesus.

Could you make more sounds over there? Stupid. I'm a fucking idiot. But the thing is, as I've noticed about, like, what, you know, we've been married for 20,000 years. Oh, my God. So long. Is that I got to let you have your itchy asshole. Mm-hmm.

Don't even fight the itchiness. Let you it, scratch it. Get in there. Dig it in. And then you'll come back when you're ready. When your asshole's thoroughly cleaned out and irrigated and you're exhausted. Yeah. Then you come home.

Yeah. And then I'm like, hey, babe, how's your butt? That's your summary. That's pretty good summary, right? Yeah. Whereas me, like, I used to have an itchy your asshole. And now that I'm, like, I'm chilled out. I love being home. I love gardening. I love my bullshit crafts. You find joy in it. The cats. The kids. You're able to just be there. To be. Yeah. But I think women, yeah, when you're balanced, you can exist. You're being. And then the man is doing. I think men struggle with that more. Being. Yes. And I know. and I always think it's weird that they're spiritual leaders

like they should definitely not be like men are men have to come and do things too hard yeah it they're not qualified they're not they're not okay I have to piss and then I want to discuss who this is here too

okay go take your pee how was your pee it was good it didn't smell like coffee anymore yeah so I drink enough water nice I just I love her so much she's great she's really great you're motherfucking wacko

every every house he has a garbage disposal what are you talking about why would he take it out you got to get three-quarters horsepower to run it like yeah that's so cool thank you for that that is a very east coast vibe though there this is not a west coast like that voice never happened in no that's definitely in the northeast yeah that's a sad shut-in i feel like i don't know this person but i'm saying like Josh Potter like I imagine somebody he's related to

is this person that's hilarious yeah he's like oh that's my aunt Edna a thousand yeah yeah like a Rochester

I'm the one to get Josh started on smoking exactly I gave me first cigarette when he was nine totally

this is your aunt's house that you go to and she's got the cookies the fucking royal dance cookies from Rite Aid or whatever

everything's from the fucking pharmacy yeah yeah she's rad man she's a good one yeah um very american oh sorry she got here this one this is really cool as you know i collect all the barbies that have come out uh this one is type 2 diabetes Barbie nice which is really special it comes with her little monitor sure it's uh sold out i mean it's got to be gang all the kids are like well i'm on diabetes Barbie Can I tell you how they could actually sell these? You guys are doing good. Yeah.

Our sons would take this and fuck it up. Of course. They break the arms off of it. A thousand. That's the only way you're going to sell this is if you sold us to little boys so they could fuck them up. Yeah.

And then Julian would be like, I'm trying to feed him donuts so that sugar spikes. Exactly. Okay. Exactly. Or like the wheelchair Barbies. Like our guys would race those down the dress.

of course I guess you know I mean it's fair to say representation does matter so this is just so that you know the little girl out there who has diabetes yeah feels like oh this is a doll that looks just like me right well as long as she's hot yeah this this this doll is hot and sick like me they're always hot like even the down syndrome Barbies are like hot yeah it's the weirdest. I mean, I guess Barbie's still a dream, you know? She's got her mobile phone and it's set to the

screen where you're monitoring your insulin, which is always fun for a child. Be like, oh yeah, my insulin. And then you can see the built-in pouch. Aye, aye, aye. It's kind of cool. But she's got a sexy shoes and a sexy purse and her sexy little skirt. Nice.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Is that the case? Like, when you have an illness do you want to play with the doll that helps you cope with it yeah yeah i think you want i think you want to see things people that look like you yeah i think that makes a lot of sense yeah um does she wear have does she have heels really yeah yeah yeah yeah look look in there yeah they're that's so funny i've got diabetes but i'm still hot yep it's a mini skirt yeah i know this is brilliant oh she's even yeah she's got the patch on her on her on her arm that's constantly monitoring.

How come they don't have like sex worker Barbie? You know? Like a straight up hoe. Yeah, I mean, you don't think they want to see themselves represented. Of course. The children of a sex worker go, how come there's not one that looks like you, mom? Thank you.

Yeah. Do better, Barbie. Do better. Yeah, I agree. You want to see something that's fantastic? Obby. You like music, right? Yeah, I love music.

You can run. You can scream. You can hide. that you cannot escape yeah. Yeah, that was fucking... So that's J-Lo, if you're listening. She's been in the news lately saying that, like, what she's all about is, you know, Broadway and that she was training.

and that she was trained in musicals and like, I guess this is like a new direction she's going to go in. Oh, okay. So that she was singing here with her coach, Stevie. And it said, the review here says, she has received a good amount of hate for this. What?

Yeah. But she's so likable. That's so weird. Yeah. So humble. Yeah. So sweet. So I guess like that's what she's pushing towards next is to be on Broadway.

Which is not a bad business move when you're not moving tickets for the concert. Yeah. Because I think these people that watch musicals, I'm not one of, it's just not my jam.

Yeah. But I think when you have a celebrity headlining them, it's a big deal. It's a big deal. I might go see it just to see her going, ah,

la la la. She walked away from that, though, like you just heard that shit. That's why it's so good. Yeah, yeah. That's why it's so powerful because she believes she's amazing.

I did that. Yeah. I did that. yeah she she does have the confidence of like our seven year old i mean i think maybe that's why you're a superstar yes you have to have a real crazy level of confidence yeah yes and and look in her defense that level of but i'll say this normally normally when you see really impressive voices they go you know they finish the the note they're singing and they're just kind of like.

There you go. And everyone goes, holy shit, and they go, oh, come on. Me? Shucks. Yeah. But this was different. This was different. That's so true.

Like Placido Domingo, you would watch him, and he would just kind of look down at the flick. I felt that. I felt it. And now it's out of me. And yeah, there's not a lot of humility. Yeah, in this one. But this is why I think it would be interesting to see or do Broadway. Because I feel like Broadway, too, that you're going to get reviewed.

Tons. Every night. Every night, you're going to get that feedback straight away from the audience. You're going to get canceled in a week. You know what I mean? You got to fucking put ass in seats. I wonder how long she can do that for her in Broadway. I don't know. I'm here for it.

What is she going to do? Do we know what play or what musical? I don't think it said. I'm saying she's put it out there like what I'm... What I'm great at is theater. Yes, yes, yes. That's right. I remember reading that.

Oh, is this what it is. This is the new movie that's out, but it's a musical. Oh, it is a musical? Okay. And is it out now? Yeah. Yeah, came out in October 10th. I mean, look, the reviews are, 77%.

That's not bad. Never even heard of it. No, that's fantastic. Yeah. I love Kiss of the Spider Woman. Yeah. Okay. So what are, so, what are people saying?

I've never even, I didn't even know this was out. This happens all the time now, though. Movies come out, and it's not the same. like it used to be, or you'd always know what's out. It's different. Because this is a major undertaking, Kiss of the Spider-Women. It's a real money behind that. What's going on with this?

Let's see what it is. Okay, this is a musical drama film written directed by Bill Condon based on the 1992 stage musical. It stars Diego Luna, Tona Tio, and Jennifer Lopez. Let's see. Positive reviews from critics. Yeah, it looks like it's well-reviewed, but it is a major box office bomb. grossing just $2 million against a budget of $30.

Yeah. So it's not, people aren't going to see it, but they're not, they're saying it's good. That's so interesting because I feel like J-Lo really had a, Yeah, it's really crazy. What's going on? I don't know. Is it social media now that we're seeing people's personalities before? I made people find her generally very unlikable.

I know, and I've heard story after story. Oh, there's a lot of stories. I have a personal story. I know one firsthand. Can you share it? Yeah, I guess I can. So a couple years ago, I was on tour and I was doing the bus thing. So I was chartering buses. And I don't really like it. Like I don't like the bus lifestyle just personally. But, you know, it was just, it was a bus tour. So every week, bus would either pick you up at your

house or you'd fly to the bus, then the bus would take you for the run of the tour. And I hadn't signed a lease for like one time I did a bus for a year. This was like before I had done that. So I would charter different ones. And so one time I had some leg coming up and they offered me this really nice bus. They're like they showed me photos. This is like a state of the art bus. So I did it for like a week or two. It was like a just a short period of time. And I got there. I was like this bus is unfucking real. I mean the bus looked like a luxury hotel. It was crazy. And when I got on, you know, I'm looking at it and talked to the driver and really nice guy. And he was telling me all about, you know, all the features that it has.

It was like totally state of the art. It was incredible. And I go, God, like, this bus feels like it's, you know, for a fucking superstar. And he was like, well, like, just was with J-Lo. And I go, no shit. And he goes, yeah, she had it for like six months or something, you know, for her tour. And I go, well, what was that like? And he was like, well, he's like, you know, everybody in the camp is.

was really nice. Kids are nice and her boyfriend at the time was really nice. Everyone's really nice. And I was like, but he's like, well, he's like, we, you know, we never spoke. And I was like, for six months, he's like, no, we never exchanged. The driver. The driver. Yeah. He goes, and I drove her like all over the country. And then he goes, the day that I dropped her off. So it was like, this is the last day. I dropped off at her house. And she just didn't make eye contact. Just walked off and walked away. He never said like, goodbye, thanks, just nothing. Wow.

But that to me is indicative of like a personality type. If you're the type, has somebody drive you for six months. I know, but let, okay. And you don't even say hello. But to really understand the gravity of this, too. So this bus life you're speaking of, it's very intimate. It's very intimate. It's you, the driver.

Sometimes that's it. Yeah. Sometimes that's it. Sometimes it's, you know, the driver or somebody. And but the driver of a, like a charter bus like that, it's different, right? They are, they're not just, it's not like a bus in a city that's taking you from like stop to stop. The, that driver is the, he is the captain and the cleaner and the maintenance guy. He is, he's like your pilot of the, you know what I mean?

He does everything. So you have, you have a lot more interactions with them. It's not like, you know, when you at a bus stop and you get on, you just. walk on. You walk on in the morning and, you know, you greet them and you realize that like, oh, they had like cleaned up this section of the bus and everything is taken care of. And then, you know, he washed the windows and he made sure that like there's pillows on your bed. Like, he does all of that. That's crazy. So you have like a really intimate, yeah, like relationship with them. Okay, but even from like a human thing. No, yeah, of like, hey Rick. Good morning.

Yeah, I got to take a shit, but I don't want a shit in a moving bus. Can we pull over so I can stop and take a dump? She would relay that to somebody else, right? Stop. Well, yeah. She never talked to him for six months. Just from like a safety or like a human. It's bizarre.

But again, you know. That's tough to do. There's something about like pop stars where they, you know, the whole thing is they be, they're divas. I guess, yeah. I mean, in my world, in my mind, it would be harder not to speak directly with him. You'd have to make an effort to not speak to that person. to that person, yeah. Can you tell him?

Also, don't forget, there's also the moment that is where you kind of have the most interactions, especially with a familiar face, which is getting on and getting off. Yeah, every time. We would pull up to venues and you just walk up and be like, all right, Rick, thanks. I'll see you in a few hours. Like, she never did that. Or you get back, or like the show's over, doors open. What's up, man?

Where are we headed tonight? And he's like, four hour drive. All right, I'll see you when we're there. Like those things, none, zero. Wow. And I also heard a story, I don't know where, it was on the internet somewhere, where it was before she was really, really, really famous. Yeah. And she wanted to see a movie at a movie theater.

And she had them lock down the entire theater so that she could come in the back way and watch a movie. And this is well before she had that type of celebrity to do something like that. I don't think people would care if she went anywhere now. I think zero percent would flip out. And not only that, like, I would say that, you know, you're very recognizable these days. And, like, we move around. It's really not that crazy. People just come up to you and they say hi.

It's not. Or they stare at you and say nothing. That's the other side. Right. Which is just what it is. But if you were to go to a movie and just kind of sneak in with a... It's fine. You're not going to...

Yeah, this is not... She's not that amazing. Well, you're not that... type, you know. Michael Jackson would have to have done that. Yeah. That's different. Yeah.

I actually think that most... Taylor Swift. Yeah, she can't do that. She can't. But most celebrities, I'm talking about high-level celebrities. They can go into the movies. It's fine. People would just be like, holy shit, that's who it is.

And they shut up and they leave you alone. Yeah. No. Nine times out of ten, it's normal. It's normal. So she didn't need to have it. Which means that, like, she, that's the funnier part, actually, is that she had to go, like, we need to shut down this venue.

And then somebody like in her management had to be like, uh, wait, why? Uh, hello, I'm going to get absolutely mobbed. Hello. Then the business manager would be like, that's such a crazy amount of money to spend on that. She's like, do you want me to get fucking attacked? And they're like, okay. All right. That's fine.

Right. Again, and also, you can also just watch the movie at home. You could probably get a screener. Hello. Don't do it. That means somebody would have to bring it over to the house. I don't think so. Why are you ruining that theater's day?

It's just crazy. Dealing with your nonsense. Let's pivot to something more fun. The woman guitarist can have three colors. Red color is giving energy, light, forth. And then we have green color, healing power. Okay. And white color is this infection.

Mm-hmm. Hold on. Woman makes love and they think that the husband need more energy. So you use your thumb pointed to the guitarist and change the clique and the vagina into red color. So when you make love, you can feel that you have more red energy and you can keep your loved one with more life. But what's the green? That's infection. No, white.

Disinfection. Oh, right. Green is healing, healing powers? There's no way. I've never had it green. Well, you need to. I don't know what's going on. You've got a lot of problems. I've only, you know, I don't even know if I had a white. Yeah, this is great. I'm not so sure.

We've got to get you into more of green are balanced and have compassion. Whites are purifying and calming. Yeah. But red, red's fire energy. Red's where it's at. You got to get that clit red. It's a new shirt. Stop it.

Can we do a red clit shirt? Oh, no. I'm going to puke. No woman wants to hear this. Why? It's so gross. What's gross about it? You red clip.

What's gross? He's giving you energy advice. You don't think that's good? I do think that obviously sex is an exchange of energy. Yeah. I don't like the color coordinated. I don't like it when he talks about it. Do you like this?

Do you like this? She just want to come over for a snack and go, that was cool you like that you liked it yeah because he flubbed it he flubbed it oh his line he wasn't cool it wasn't it wasn't slick but isn't it kind of cool to be a little guy with a huge hog like that yes that's kind of cool yes it's kind of the best case scenario if you're a little man you have a big old dong like that don't you think what

I mean this is probably stupid of course but don't you think they all have big ones in relation to? No. Being small in stature? No. I mean... I think it's just like any other segment of the population when it comes to... Penises.

No, no, I think it's relative. I think this guy has a genuinely large dong. And sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. I don't want to... I don't like it. Okay. Here we go again. We just want to come over for a snack and go...

Um. He's an attractive LP though. He is. He's got a really nice face. Yeah. And he's got a big old dong. How do you know it's so big? How do you know? I mean, I was just looking in the... What am I? How do you see it? I didn't see it the first time. Okay, hold on.

Oh, it's there? No, you're seeing the shadow, though. Oh, whoopsie. Yeah, I miss that. But don't you think you could cheat that with shadow work? Like, things look bigger? I mean, you could cheat it to an extent, but you can't make it something it's not. I didn't see the shadow. Yeah. I'm not looking for dicks all the time.

like you are well it's just it's right there i mean i didn't have to search hard i was looking at his face and his delivery you don't want to have a little snack i hate you so much all right i'll get you something you like i don't like these guys what do you not like man don't you love pickles yeah i have an extreme fear of trying new foods and today i'm going to try my absolute Number one for your food. Piggles. He's hyperventilating. Well, they're slimy, they're crunchy.

I get it. They're seedy. Yeah. They smell weird. Oh, I get it. God. This fucking guy. Yeah.

I could see myself. It smells so bad. So bad. It's like slimy, it's green. Yeah, it's weird. He's never. He's not going to go out. You think he's going to do it?

He's going to puke. Because the steak he tried, he didn't have this. Typeo negative. He's already. He's a mess. Wow, he really hates this. Then why are you doing this to yourself? You don't have to eat it.

pickle. You got to make content. There's no nutritional value here. One. Do it. You can do it. Oh, you pussy. He's definitely not Eastern European.

You fucking bitch. Just eat it. I can't do it. I can't. I mean, Pussy. Bro, you can't even post this. Yeah, bro, that's not cool.

You didn't even, you fucking eat it? At least take a little lick, like touch your tongue to it. Take a little tongue. Get your clit red. Ew. What? But I can see myself getting this mentally ill, can't you? Yes, of course.

Yeah. Of course. This could be me in a bad year. In a week. What are you talking about? I don't eat white things. I don't eat fucking. Characets everywhere.

Yeah. What's your serial number? Yeah, I can see you doing that real soon. Oh, yeah, but I love pickles. This is not, it wouldn't be pickles for me. It would be things like chicken, because I get weird about germs. Tuna fish is gross. Yeah.

Sushi, I would stop eating raw fish. It would be more about those things for me, like bacteria, getting sick. Yeah. What would your, do you think, like, how would you go? How would I go mental? Yeah, like, what would your mental illness be? uh recluse like probably uh isolate Howard Hughes style yeah be real isolate don't talk to anybody anymore yeah at all just fucking shut the door make it dark

sit in the room totally there'd be papers and shit everywhere you're like what are you doing like working on some shit I'm writing and then you just see like one letter written like j seven times. You're like, okay. Are you into video games or are you that shut in that you're not even communicating with others on video games? I mean, I could do video games. I probably wouldn't communicate with people though. I would just do like without that. Yeah. I could do that. But I think I would actually just get into a deeper isolation and throw the system off the roof. Yeah. Yeah. I can see myself going crazy with this food thing and then with

um animals like i can see myself adopting so many animals i it starts with the cats don't need the dogs i'm going to get the chickens i want to get a goat it's going to be like that yeah i'm a house full of animals shitting everywhere yeah and hair everywhere in the bed and stuff and it smells bad and you're like babe i can't yeah you as cat lady that could be a thing cat lady dog lady yeah it's just all the animals, birds, shitting everywhere. Yeah, there's just piss and shit all over the house. Yeah, that would be my thing. That's okay. These are my babies. 100%. Oh, fuck. Yeah.

Yeah. That's my problem. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're the opposite. See, because I want the companionship and love. You want isolation. Yeah. No human contact. Yes. I can see that. You can do it. This is a horrible or hilarious. Are you ready? Yeah, buddy. I'm so excited. I haven't seen any of these. Hey.

Hey. Oh, fuck. I... Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, he's holding on. He's a... Bro, that car's going like 40.

Holy shit. That's where it ends? What? Did his hand get stuck in the window, in the door? Holy shit There were no further reports on the incident It was never found And NYPD getting involved

Holy shit that's in Queens Please let's see it again Let's see the beginning I don't know if he got stuck or he held on He's yelling He's burning me jail Hey hey Yeah smart to pull the feet up

That was smart Oh my fucking God he was just holding on to the door handle i mean i think his hand was on the inside but that's wild that could i mean that must have ended okay actually yeah and that guy probably stopped because if he didn't if he didn't if that guy just went flying that would just be well known i feel like you know yeah like he would have lost his legs already at his feet that's pretty nice that was good one that was a good one i'm awake now yeah yeah oh I don't yeah oh holy shit you get what happened there yes sorry she landed on her

fucking ankle no no but like her leg twisted because she went to box this thing I don't like it it's not funny it's a freak out that could be broken I don't know if it's broken or not. It's broken. You think it's broken? It's broken. Imagine that from like what happened. It's just the torque. The torque of doing it, she missed. She didn't make contact. And then that just spun her around and she either

broke it or severely sprained it. Yeah. Well, she'll be right. Horrible. She'll be okay. Yeah. It's like at a kid's place too. This is like fucking urban air or whatever horse shit. Uh-oh. the lights flickered on that one oh my god i thought we were going to see someone disembowed me too that was cool

this is a new level dude and he touched his stomach like i just made that let's see you guys fuck yeah he just checked himself out are my intestines still inside that was a lucky day bro dude buy a lotto ticket that's wow that he just saw his whole life flash before his dude that was like a fucking near-death experience can you imagine going through that yeah I'd have to take like the week off oh yeah I wouldn't be able to pick that thing up again no it's done somebody else do this

new career that was gnarly I thought he was gonna cut slice himself in half for sure this is something about the world today though that I think about sometimes is that the only people that would handle something like that 20 plus years ago would be somebody like very highly trained in doing that and in today's world

you can just be like I want a bandsaw and people are like yeah just fucking there you go and then you go I got it and you go chat GPT how do I do that and people just like look up they go I know how to do this and so you have a lot more occurrences I think of you know

tool accidents because people have access to them now we didn't use to have access to everything No, these are uninformed. Yeah, this guy doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. No. There's no chance. I thought he was going to spray.

I thought there was shit spraying on the wall. He's trying to slice tile, bro. Yeah, that. With that thing? He didn't know what he's doing. And he's light, too. He doesn't have enough weight on him to push that thing. Oh, shit.

Dude, fuck this. Fuck this. I would never, never catch me doing this shit. I found the thing I don't like. Yeah. What is this? I don't like it. I don't like neck's and backs breaking.

I don't like that. That was awful. How does it start again? I don't care and I'm not showing it again. Come on. No. They're trying to roll in like the cable spool thing. This is like at a fair.

Fuck that, dude. I love aftermath. No update. Okay. Yeah, she could be. I think we just saw like three or four vertebrae just go. Please just Oh fucking fine

Just let me see how they What went wrong in the Oh Oh And fun music Hey you want to see someone Get paralyzed For people just

Listening She folded over on herself Her front Her hands went on the floor And then she fucking folded over on herself. Yeah.

Dinar-na-na-na-na-na-na. I'm so upset right now. Wow. Fuck, I need something to... That sucks, dude. I'm Ryan, and I want to be recognized by some of the hottest women here on Instagram. So spread the word. You got it, Ryan.

Hey, there it is right there. That's what we need to do. Can you... Everybody who watches knows at least a hottie. One or two hotties on Instagram. why don't you let them know to acknowledge Ryan? Please, somebody.

Give him a little acknowledgement. He wants to meet the hottest women. Are you the hottest women? Meet Ryan. He wants a big ass in his face. Don't you like doing that stuff? Yeah, dude. Come on.

Give Ryan some love. Meet him. Love him. Do it. Jesus. Christ. So upsetting. I know.

Fucking so mad right now. About that video still? Yes, I fucking hate it. I know. Ugh. No, it's not good. I had it. Look, when you read it?

My mother, for real the jury. Poor father, father is in bird and bird. They try to say you embarrass me, son she? It's a sheet. I put jury on, man. He saw you. Jewry. What is the relationship of this father and son, you think?

It's good. It's positive. I mean, the father had to go. to like a certain levels of acceptance right i mean he's not like oh yeah come meet todd he's regular kid okay there's there's two scenarios dad was absent during todd's childhood or todd just came out mentally ill yeah and he's just been used to it he's just like over fucking todd um god this look is really outrageous i do like the look though yeah i don't know i'm gonna go with Todd just came out messed up

because dad's still a part of his life right now. So I think he's doing a character maybe too, right? This could be a character thing. In this day and age where people just understand that like if you do something outrageous, you might get a following. Maybe he's not really like this 24-7.

I mean, he did say father correctly and then goes, I mean, father-r-er. Oh, right, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, I don't know. I wonder if the tats are real. smart like who the fuck look all this art um artis on my face though you feel me like real shit though like you know what I'm my dad right he loved me yeah I try to break up families and shit that's

fucked up you know what I'm saying twin tap in I got motion you feel me on my murr this is those two those twins started this right yeah that look that Florida shit what were they the island boys island boys yeah this is island boy look I mean kind of yeah and then they talk the same way. I don't know. Are this kid's tats real, though? Doesn't something about them kind of read false to you? Yeah.

They are real? They look, they don't look real to me, but I'm not a tattoo expert. I mean, he's, he's their fucking nuts, bro. Yeah, this guy's got mental problems. So what is, like, pull up one of those. What's he talking about? Thanks, I'm a do some. He's crazy.

my's real toe. Don my mom, I need test on my body, my rea. Bro, if y'all keep coming to my life saying fake change, I'm going to do something. Yeah, Todd came out this way, but... Yeah, he might have been, yeah. Wires across. No, I'm proud of you. See?

You, you, you, you, you, you, and you. Yeah. See, that's a number of voice. Tap in, so when I got motion. Yeah. Yeah. Now, nobody's born talking like that. Yeah.

You know, my father, you know, my father love me, man. I do like, I did. That's a chola girl. That chola there, yeah. I want him to be a se-r-r-r-r with me. I'm about to get. No, she's. Oh, look, he's with his dad there.

He's see that. His dad's so tired. Was I ever in detention in school? Yep. See, that's the reason why I look like that. I'm a mur-too-munt. Too much. I'm up in there.

You ain't never been in a short. on your life, you ain't ever done that. I'm going to pass with green light, dude, I'm going to red. I'll tell you this, though. I'm a mud, fuck. That dad has a, he disassociates and he also is patient. But every once in a while, he goes,

cut the fucking shit, Wyatt. He's got to. Stop talking like that. He's got to. And then Wyatt goes, like, all right, dad, Jesus Christ. He got so mad. I just, can I borrow another five grand to get a chain? This is such a bad.

I mean, and you can't even lock these food. up anymore. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You can't, you can't just give them to a mental hospital. Be like, just lock

caught out for his own safety. First of all, he needs a following. You can't get it. You can't employ him anywhere. No, this guy's fucked. What are you going to do? Like,

you can't do a job. He's done. No, you got, you got to put these people in. Yeah, he can work in a warehouse. You know? Maybe, but he wants too much attention.

Of course. He can't. I never want to be like, could you just fucking stack those boxes, please? Yeah. No, this kid has a lot of, of needs. Yeah. I would be so bombed of one of ours. Well, good luck. Good luck.

What you have. What's your music. Oh. I hope he's making music at least. He's making music. Yeah. I'm sure it's, there you go. It's probably really good. Um, you never know. All right, let's wrap this shit up. We got things to do. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. We will see you next week. My mommy. Bye. Saris for Kahn's only, and they know how to work eat. I'm no before Micah, or a fed ass. I'm no before Mikeger or a fedass. I'm no before Mikeur or a fedass.

Sarah's for a guy only. I'm no before a viker or a fetus. I'm no before a biker or a fedass. I'm no before a miker or a fedass. And they know how to work it. I'm looking for a biker. What a fetus. I'm looking for a biker. What a fetus. I'm looking for a biker. What a fetus. I'm looking for a biker. What a fetus. I'm looking for a biker. What a fetus. I'm looking for a biker. What a fetus. I'm looking for a biker. What a fetus. I'm looking for a biker. What a fetus. I'm looking for a biker. What a fetus. I'm looking for a biker. What a fetus. I'm looking for a biker. I'm looking for a white girl with a fed ass I'm looking for a white girl with a fed ass I'm looking for a white girl or a fed ass and they know how to work it

I'm looking for a white girl or a fat ass I'm looking for a white girl or a fed ass if there is for ponds only I'm looking for a white girl or a fed ass You may have heard of the sex cult nexium and the famous actress who went to prison for her involvement, Alison Mack. But she's never told her side of the story until now. People assume that I'm like this pervert. My name is Natalie Robamed, and in my new podcast, I talked to Allison to try to understand how she went from TV actor to cult member.

How do you feel about having been involved in bringing sexual trauma at other people? I don't even know how to answer that question. Allison after Nexium from CBC's Uncover is available now on Spotify.