Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Squashing The Bert Beef w/ Joe List | Your Mom's House Ep. 729
Episode Date: October 11, 2023SPONSORS:-Go to https://Saatva.com/theshit to get $200 off ANY mattress of your choice.On this episode of Your Mom's House, Tom and Christina ask Joe List about the argument he had with Bert and we ge...t to hear his side of the story. They also expose him to the classic cool guys of YMH, some new inmate pen-pal videos, and another batch of Christina's TikToks. The three talk about swingers, isolation, sitting on cakes, and what it's like to watch yourself do comedy. Before Joe's segment, Tom talks about the joys of torturing Charo and cold plunges. Also, they may have found a new cool guy in Jesse Peterson. Ta ta there!https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast
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Discussion (0)
This week on your mom's house and it was that thing of like should we get our fault like if he hits this woman
I really want the views
You should vote if you're a woman and you're listening don't vote
You're not ready
In in herks defense. Yeah, he kind of looks like a chomo. What is Chomo for those of us the chump?
Oh I was thinking a chumma. He does look like a chumma. What is chumma for those of us at the chump?
Oh, I was thinking a chump homo.
Oh.
That also works as a king.
Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house.
MUSIC
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So tired I look like shit. I feel like shit to my hair is all fucked. I slept till 9 30 today
I thought I'm 645 and got up and hate my life and
We should all end it right now. Let's talk about it. Why do you hate my life. And we should all end it right now.
Let's talk about it.
Why do you hate your life?
Everything is sleep related.
I don't care.
Every great day is based on good sleep
and every bad day is based on bad sleep.
I'm serious.
I think you are.
Can I say something?
You know what I decided?
Is that I'm gonna prioritize sleep over everything else.
That's the way the live life. Because, let's say I set my alarm and they're like you gotta wake up and do things early
And I'm like yeah, but then I'm tired all day. So what if I've worked out early now my whole day is wreck
I'm wrecked and your moon you moon system goes down everything goes down. I went a little too late
And I just I kept wake I knew I was getting up early.
Yeah.
So I just, I was doing that thing like,
when you have an early flight,
where your body just goes, make up,
you know, and it's like it's three.
Oh, I go back and then, oh, it's 430.
Oh, it's 515.
Like that's how I slept.
It was terrible.
Panic, terrible.
And you know, a family visiting just drains every ounce of goodwill
and humanity left and you just kind of leaves your body.
And you go, God, what a great trip.
It was so great to have you.
Lovely.
I mean, we had, look, we had Charo here.
We had my sister Jane.
It was fun to have the downtown Charo.
It was Charo's town for her.
So much fun for her.
Yeah, she was great.
It was great to have her.
And Charo's birthday.
And then she came, obviously she did the pom cast.
She did some bits with us that were just,
oh my God.
Ridiculous.
I mean, one of them is, I feel confident saying,
is one of the three hardest I've ever laughed at my whole life.
Like, I've been talking about it for days.
I know. Maybe they'll show you a clip of it today
in the edit room or something.
I really was in physical pain.
And it was the, I mean, I almost couldn't continue doing it.
She's very funny. I mean, I almost couldn't continue doing it. She's very funny.
I mean, I think her timing is impeccable.
Her point of view, you're like, oh my gosh, you're so funny.
And I, yeah, go ahead.
Can we tell them what we did for her birthday?
Yeah, sure.
So it's, what's her actual?
She turned 79.
79, yeah.
And we got a bunch of balloons in the house
to say happy 100th birthday.
And then we brought, we made her favorite meal, which is chicken nuggets and french fries.
And french fries. And we literally were like, you can have anything to your special day.
What would you like? And she was like, I like fries. She really is a toddler.
She's a toddler. Every sense of the word. A toddler. Yeah. And she was thrilled. And she was like, Fais. She really is a toddler and every sense of the word. A toddler.
Yeah.
And she was thrilled.
And she was like, oh my God, I am so happy
to have these places delicious.
And then the guy was like, because we had some,
we hired a guy and he was like, do you want me to make
like grown up food for the rest of you?
We were like, yeah, that'd be great.
So we had other food made.
And then we had mariachi's come and play.
And she was weeping weeping
I
I
These are the thanks for my childhood
We can't say it's so uncomfortable. Yeah, is that she was staring at the mariachi
Yeah, they were they're all making eye contact with her and she was literally just like hold it
Class in your hands and like comfortable
I and she was literally just like, hold it, clasping her hands and you're like, oh, I'm comfortable. I put a key, no, I'm awesome.
And she was like singing it and you're like,
woof, man.
Could you put a fucking collar on or something?
Shot collar?
I was like, are we, is it horny?
Like, did you feel like it was too much?
It was like overwhelming emotion, yeah.
Overwhelming emotion.
And so that was, you know, we were spoiling her.
You know, she's old as shit, she's gonna die. So we, we, we, uh,
Make this last year count. And then I, I've been taking my flying lessons. So I took her up and I don't want to give anything away, but, uh,
the ride did not go as she thought it would go. And I very much enjoyed that. Um, I'll have some footage to share with you guys
at some point soon here but I mounted some gopro's in the chopper and the way that this helicopter
is designed, if you're a rear passenger you can't really see what's going on in the like what
the front with so I sit in the front with the you know the pilot we have the same controls
in the like with the front with it. So I sit in the front with the you know the pilot we have the same controls and so
After we took off I flew us
Across this area and I'm taking us for like a scenic flight and then I I kind of
Banked over to this river and then I just kind of I looked at the guy and I just I clarity told my game ahead not he took the controls
He did some wild shit
She was a fucking panic. She was screaming.
She was like,
she was screaming.
Stop.
So, can I tell you your joy and elation at torturing her?
I totally understand.
You do understand it.
I understand it.
And may I, can we talk real talk for a second? Yeah, sure my parents my mother's dead
My father's still around I think emotionally they're about three years old a piece. Yeah, emotional toddlers my family and
There's two ways you can go when your folks are like that. Yeah, you can become enmeshed with that
You grow up and you go but I have to take care of them. I'm responsible for that and I know people like this and you go full-grade gardens and
You know what I mean?
You devote your life to trying to make them better and make them happy or you realize
Later like oh, I can't make them happy. They're always gonna be who they are
Doesn't matter what you do it doesn't matter what you do
So so you may as well have fun with it and fuck with them
and just be like, I don't care.
I don't fucking care.
I also had to set up before,
I was like, you know, tomorrow is your birthday.
This is the day before I go to tomorrow is your birthday.
I go and have a cold plunge.
What do you think?
I go to New Year.
What do you, she goes, okay.
And I was really surprised.
I was like, really?
She's like, yeah, I'm surprised.
It's okay, actually. So she steps foot and she goes, okay, and I was really surprised. I was like, really? She's like, yeah, I'm surprised. I'm actually.
So she steps foot and she's like,
ah!
And my sister was like, you just gotta get in, get in.
And she's about halfway in and she is screaming,
panicking and I'm laughing so hard.
And she couldn't step out.
So I had to pick her up and carry her out of it.
And I was, again, I wasn't.
You're the ear.
Ear to ear, I was so happy.
I watched the video like 40 times.
Yeah, I know.
We haven't watched our wedding video once.
Well, I'm talking about fun things.
You watched the...
You were year to year, you were so pleased.
And that was a full day of Charo Torture.
Yeah.
Because I was before you did the airplane
and then you came home and you're like,
getting the cold plane, Joel, lady.
Yeah.
Like, I never thought, oh, she's and oh, she's, she's getting there.
She's, she's frail.
She could not.
I mean, she'll break her hips, it's done.
Like, she is done at this point.
She was really, you are so stoked to mess with her like this.
Yeah, it was.
I mean, that was really, let's see.
The good for you.
Yeah.
She's here.
She's here.
She's here.
Legs out, legs out. Put your legs out. Oh, you're going to be here. Hey, you're gonna have to go. Legs out, legs out.
Put your legs on your legs.
Put your legs on your legs.
I got you.
Put your legs out.
Okay, I got you.
Legs out.
Put your legs on your legs.
I got you.
Zach got me.
Hey.
Hi.
Hi.
Kids are laughing.
I think you're laughing.
Don't be so angry.
I'm sorry.
Yeah. So she said, she said, Zach got me to take me out. I think it's... Don't be sad, get up!
So she's saying, Zach, I'm gonna take me out. I had to pick her up, she couldn't step out of it.
So I had to carry her out of it.
It was so great.
And then the kids are loving it.
And your sister's ear to ear,
and everybody's loving the torture.
Yeah.
And then she's laying down,
we're like, okay, we'll lay down on this,
we'll have her lounge chair and warm up.
And she's like, my toes, my toes can't move.
And they were like crippled toes, you know,
they were all like scrunched over.
It was pretty cool for your first time in one.
It was pretty cold.
It was, it was 41.
That's misery.
It was my nightmare.
That one doesn't get really much,
that one you, the loads you can set it.
I have it set at 39, but it never hits 39.
It always stays at like 40 or 41.
This is terrible.
41 is still terrible.
It's cold, it's cold.
And especially if you've never done it,
and I was doing it like in the afternoon,
so it was hot as fuck outside, but it's still, it shocks you.
Yeah.
What do you enjoy about the, I mean, do you enjoy this?
Or do you just do it because you know
it's good for you long term?
It's good for you and you do feel,
do you just feel amazing when you get out of it.
That's really why.
Every day, I think it sucks.
I did it this morning and I looked at it
and I was like, my other fucker.
But I do it because when I get out, I do feel great.
Okay.
And it is a fun thing to conquer something
that you know sucks first thing in the morning.
You know what I mean?
I gotta say, I love you so much.
This has to be our fundamental difference.
Is that I go for what gives me comfort and solace,
and I have a more, I listen, I do different.
Morning routine, I check in with my soul,
I try to meditate and try to check in emotionally,
and like,
because I can tell you why though,
because usually I'm up here.
My whole thing in life is to get me from here to fucking here,
right? I think your whole thing is to get me from here to fucking here, right? Yeah. I think your whole thing is to get you from here to here. So you and I are just like later, dude.
Yeah. You know what I mean? My whole thing is I'm overstimulated. I'm fucking over. I'm dysregulated. Oh, right.
Let's bring it in. Bring it in. Yeah. You're like, I want to fucking torture myself. I want to push it to the limit, man.
But that's also a guy thing. Brought to you to say, broad, I was gonna say you're a broad.
I'm a broad.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm a broad.
It's not, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
And also our torture.
And here's the thing, broads that do what I'm do.
Guess what, they're guys.
They're dicks.
Yeah, well, they're, they're,
full lesbos.
They're acting like, no I'm just kidding.
They're acting like, they're acting like, they're,
they're, you know, right?
Straight friends that do it.
Like, I'm really athletic.
Yeah, they're kind of guys.
I know.
I mean, here's the thing, do you wanna fuck them?
You know,
I mean, usually, you know,
a chick like that, you're like,
they're like, hey,
all right, put it right here and you're fucking.
Yeah, I don't like it.
I'm gonna do it.
You give them the bro hug.
Oh my gosh, you're enough.
All right, take, hey, all right, fist bump, you know.
You fucking, you act like a guy, all right, see you later.
Speaking of that, let's start the show.
You ready?
Oh my gosh, yeah, so pumped.
Do you light be a man?
Yes.
You do light be a man, but thinkin' like a woman.
I don't think I think like a woman.
I think I think like a man.
No, you don't.
I'm gonna tell you, you don't.
I think what you're a man. No, you don't. I'm gonna tell you, you don't. I think what you're trying to say is,
I appear to be thinking in feminine ways.
No, you think like a woman.
I don't think so.
I want to be real clear.
Okay.
You think like a woman.
And I think I think like me.
I understand that.
Oh, it's ramby.
Don't bring anyone loving to this
no more
no more
no more
welcome to your mom's house
with Tom Segura, Tom Hussup's tour
and Christina Britz
and Christina Britz
welcome to your mom's house Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, I'm gonna be super stinky, but it's in my head.
It's okay, I don't care, you guys can smell it.
Okay.
How much do you fucking love Jesse Lee Peters?
I mean, these clips are gold.
You know, I'm gonna be super stinky.
I'm gonna be super stinky.
I'm gonna be super stinky. I'm gonna be super stinky. in my head. It's okay, I don't care. You guys can smell it. Okay. How much do you fucking love Jesse Lee Peterson?
I mean, these clips are gold. You know, they're amazing.
I've found them on TV.
I've seen like a few clips and every time I'm like,
this is fucking amazing.
I'm sitting there telling this guy.
He's like, I don't think I think like a woman.
You let there be no confusion.
You think like a month. You let there be no confusion. You think like a woman.
I don't think I do.
I think I think like a man.
Jesse Lee Peterson is a pastor and counselor.
He is interviewing anti-sexism advocate,
Alan Corbin, I should be wearing my trans glasses
one second.
Co-chair of the National Organization
of the For the men against sexism, nomass.
Their website lists four main tenants of pro feminism,
LGBTQ affirmative anti-racist and enhancing men's lives.
And Jesse is telling this man
that because he advocates for federal feminism,
he thinks like a woman.
It's fantastic. You know, I just missed this. I do love this
generation so much. And they're so amusing. Yeah. This is our dad's generation.
He's this guy 74. He's from Midway, Alabama. That's where he was. He was raised in Alabama.
Let's see. His mother and father moved to Gary, Indiana, each
Chicago, Indiana, respectively, where they separately started new families of
their own Peterson lived with his mother and stepfather in Gary as a
teenager, briefly attending Edison High School. He then returned to Alabama
graduate from high school before moving to Los Angeles. And Gary, Indiana, of course,
were the Jacksons, you know, the Jacksons are from Gary.
But then he went to LACC home meet.
That's what I'm talking about.
And I guess he's been, you know, putting out his views,
radio shows, and as a pastor.
Wait, Peterson.
Peterson opposes allowing Muslims to serve
in Western governments.
And says that racism does not exist.
Instead, he believes that every conflict
is a spiritual battle between good and evil. He has spoken out against Kwanza and Black
history month. For those listening, he is a Black man. His views have been described by various
authors as being consistent with white supremacy. And it has been suggested that white
nationalists are encouraged by his rhetoric and compelled to promote him.
Because Peterson's blackness reduces the shock value of his opinions that would be considered
outrageous if a white person expressed them.
He suggested in 2005 that most Africans American stranded in neurons during that hurricane
Katrina were lying on the government to save them.
In 2012 he said about black unemployment.
One of the things that I would do is take all black people back to the South
and put them on the plantation.
That's good.
I need a good hard education on what it is to work.
He has called Nobel Peace Prize winner Nelson Mandela
and evil man, okay, this is a lot of stuff.
And that South Africa was better with apartheid.
That's good of marriage and women.
He opposes sex outside marriage during
interview with former slut walk organizer Amber Rose. He responded to the question,
if women are sluts, what does that make you by stating men are slut makers? His views
on women have been described as misogynist. I think he should be described as misogynistic.
Peterson stated in a 2012 sermon that one of the greatest mistakes America made
was to allow women the opportunity to vote.
I'm not gonna disagree with him there though.
That is, I mean, that's not crazy.
Right, why could they vote on fashion?
Because Brawcks just have fucking, you know,
emotion, they get their periods.
It's like, yeah.
Brawcks.
I watched the new sex in the city.
I feel like,
this new season's pretty good.
Hey, you watched it with me last night.
And then you take that into the voting booth
and you're like, well, I'd be get this guy in office.
And you're like, well, it was right after
Sarah Jessica Parker blew the fucking truck right.
I vote for Carrie Bradshaw, Tom, every time.
Exactly.
Political analyst, Kristen Powers confronted Peterson
on Sean Hannity's program, accusing him
of using his status as a pastor to preach hatred and fear of women.
In 2019, a person who was considering marrying a woman who had a previous child conceived
by Paul Peterson's radio show was told by Peterson, do not marry a woman who already has
children.
It's bad enough.
On kids, when they don't have both parents, it's worse when a so-called step-parent steps
in.
They want their natural father.
Oh, that's nice.
He is right. step-family sucks.
I've had a few.
I wish my parents would have stayed single.
Real talk.
Oh, listen, maybe you're one of those lucky motherfuckers
that has a good step-parent.
Nine times out of 10, it's not great.
Yeah, cause I personally don't give a fuck about you.
They don't.
They don't give a fuck about you.
But here's the flip side of that.
Can I tell you that?
Sometimes a child's biological parent doesn't give a fuck about you. But here's the flip side of that. Can I tell you that? Sometimes a child's biological parent
doesn't give a fuck about them.
Yeah, and a step parents is normal.
Yeah, and caring and loving.
Yeah, but then again, how can a garbage person
attract a good one?
Very rare.
What happens to them?
Usually they come in pairs.
Yeah, no, but it does happen.
Personality disorder without alcoholism goes hand in hand.
Like, fudge and Care
I think you're just talking about your own experience. I don't know
I don't know maybe I'll meet a woman that I think should be vote, but I think that
You know, I mean like I'm going up
Which women should vote like in scientists supreme court justices. Yeah doctors
like, like, like,
Supreme Court justices.
Yeah.
Doctors.
Doctors are smart, yeah.
And then, and then if they, when you go to vote, they go,
can we see your, your card that says you're an MDE or something?
And you're like, oh, no, I just, you know, yeah.
I work down at the office, they go, oh, no, no, no.
You're, you're, you're going to get a whole bunch of broad ones.
All right, let's do.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, cold, plunge, broads, they should vote.
Cold, plunge. Yeah, cuz they're guys. They're guys
Yeah, okay buddy. I mean, I don't know a real man
capable of staying faithful to his partner, right?
Are you dating guys or girls?
Girl, but why you calling partner? That's what gay people do
It's a girlfriend and a boyfriend a A husband and wife and not a partner. That's
what the homosexuals and the radical lesbian want you to say so they can feel justified by
being wrong. That's good. But he does. He is very interesting in that he's noting this
trend where straight people are referring to a significant others as a partner.
And that is in gay culture.
I had only, my whole life, heard that because it was, it was basically considered the kind of like the polite way that a gay person would either announce that they're gay.
Yeah. light way that a gay person would either announce that they're gay, announce that they're with someone,
right?
They would go, well, my partner, and then it would be
a cue to you.
That you know they're gay.
You know they're gay, or also that they're with someone.
Well, and I think it was like the code for saying it.
The code for the gays.
And then, yeah, straight people started going partner.
But it also predates probably when they could marry legally.
So you couldn't say my husband, you'd have to say my partner.
But now, right, right, right.
Now, why did straights, straights, straight partner?
And I heard it when I was on the road
in like some Midwestern city,
I met some 28 year old guy and he goes my partner
and I go, oh, you're gay?
He says, no, no, I'm dating a woman.
And I go, okay, are you like, what are you?
And he's like, well, I'm non-binary because
I'm not bisexual anymore. I finished all that. Okay, so he's like, okay. But the the arseys,
I heard it say it all the time. Part, my partner. Yeah, and I hadn't heard them say it in previous
years. Yeah. But I heard it, and maybe I missed it, but I heard it a lot when I was there.
They're like, partner, partner. I was like, your partner. Tom, you're my partner. No.
You're my partner. Like, oh, here we go. I was like, your partner? Tom, you're my partner. No. You're my partner.
Like, oh, here we go.
Here's some new bullshit.
All right, so when it comes to marriage,
some married people might feel
that the term's wife or husband
have some traditional implications
or historical weight that doesn't reflect their relationship.
Using partner on the other hand
is a way to express equity in the relationship.
Grow the fuck up, you fucking pussy. By the way, this is horseshit. There's no equity in any fucking relationship. Using partner on the other hand is a way to express equity in the relationship. Grow the fuck up.
You're fucked up.
Yeah, by the way, this is horseshit.
There's no equity in any fucking relationship.
Of course not.
There's no equity.
You want to know why?
Because the woman carries the biological burden of making the baby, delivering the baby,
the baby's depend on the woman.
Where the fuck is it?
There's no equity.
And then the man's burden is to provide for the family.
Of course. Sorry. And then you're one burden is to provide for the family. Sorry.
Unless you're one of these cold plunge broads
and you're out there, you know,
making more money.
And then by the way, you should marry a woman
and then you should say partner.
You know what?
Jesse Lee Peterson makes a lot of sex.
I mean, that's all I'm serious so far.
I don't know why anyone's making fun of this guy.
All right.
Here's the fun one.
What kind of a partner?
Is this your own neighborhood?
You're gonna get a homosexuals?
It doesn't, oh here, this is a good thing.
Oh here, yeah, this is how they brainwash you.
It doesn't hurt anyone to say part.
The new speed.
They have to tell you that it's okay.
Using the term partner, when acquiring about strangers,
how long have you been with your partner instead of
how long you've been with your girlfriend avo of how long you go with your girlfriend?
avoids the head road normative assumption that the guy you are asking has a girlfriend wife or the guy you are asking has a So a person is straight no harm done. I mean, this is how that yeah, this is how they brainwash you into saying no
No, these new the new words. Yeah, the worry
The new words yeah, the no way
They're just words they don't have any meaning don't worry. Just keep do our new speak are all well in the gaze Yeah, we're well in fucking new speak you guys read George or well, it's exact same thing this whole thing
It's stupid. I have to tell you it's okay. It's okay. If you say something that no one was fucking said ever
And now they're saying it's just, just know that you're not hurting
anyone, like shut the fuck up man.
Shut the fuck up.
Just use the fucking language you know,
like it's normal to say, you have a girlfriend,
are you dating?
How's your girlfriend?
And then that person can go,
well actually, yeah, that is normal.
Yeah.
You don't have to treat everybody like,
hey, is it, I'm gonna go ahead and ask a question
that you might not be ready for.
I hope it doesn't affect the way
that the rest of your life goes.
The weight that this will carry with what I say.
By the way, do you have a boyfriend?
Like, hell.
Head-or-own normative.
So that's-
I really wish you had said that.
Fuck, my day is shot.
Grow up, grow the fuck up, you fucking pussy.
And by the way, the gays are very strong usually,
at least the old school gays I grew up
and they can be like, no I'm gay.
Oh okay.
Of course.
Nobody fucking cares.
That's okay.
All right, here's another one from this guy.
Tom, you're my partner.
You just stood on the side of white people,
just did say a wee.
We had, they wanted, remember when they were begging
for civil rights?
What's wrong with you?
And then we gave them civil rights, right?
They wanted to integrate in schools.
Remember that?
You are amazing.
Amazing.
Breaking news.
I grew up on a plantation dollar, you know about that. You grew up on a plantation dollar, man.
You know about that?
You grew up on a plantation
and you still have this mentality?
Yes.
It's called free mentality.
It's called master.
When my master said he's it,
I said yes master, we sit.
That's a wild, this is a wild.
This one's getting too far.
I agree with the partner stuff.
I'm on the partner.
I know, well the guy that he's talking to, he's like, like
genuinely, Florida. He's like, remember when we gave them, they
when they wanted and we gave him civil rights, they guys like,
dude, when you talking about, well, it's just like, just like
the gaze, it is just like the guys and dog slavery, right? Any
Yeah, that's right. dog ownership dog owners.
I'm different. I'm not this dude is a dog owner.
This guy from shore.
This guy's out of line.
Yeah.
That is, that is some, that is a wild pivot.
Like the fact that he's like,
remember when we gave you guys civil rights,
he's saying it's like another black guy, it's crazy.
Yeah, well, he, you know, he has the mentality
that he's still brainwashed as a victim. He doesn't understand that he's actually
oppressed. Yeah, he's still in it. Yeah
Yeah, he's he's identifying with the oppressors. Isn't that what they say? Yeah, really? Yeah, that's right
No, but he's like you blacks man. We gave you guys
That's what he's like that's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy
Yeah, it's about being a woman sometimes sometimes you're like he's fucking broads. Oh shit. That's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy.
Yeah, it's about being a woman sometimes.
Sometimes you're like, these fucking broads.
I'm like, oh, shit, wait a minute.
Yeah.
I don't blame you.
I'm one of these broads.
I can't vote.
I don't want to vote.
You should vote.
If you're a woman and you're listening, don't vote.
You're not ready.
You haven't done enough and you haven't read enough and you don't know shit.
Who are you gonna vote for?
For what?
Trump or Biden?
No, God.
Can you believe that that's what I'm saying?
I know.
Two evils.
There's really no-
I actually think if you think one indicator that we are near the end of civilization, it's
that that is what our ballot is gonna say.
You're gonna see like,
is there a third person?
Is there a third person?
Is there a third person?
Is there a space alien?
Can I vote for fucking Alpha Centauri?
I mean, I don't know.
They're all dummies.
Who do I vote for?
I don't know.
I like Jesse up until he's talking
about identifying
with a slave owner.
What else do we have?
Do we have the one?
Yeah, I got one more here.
I love his clips.
And what made you become a liberal?
I got a little older, a little smarter.
Oh, you grew out of it, yeah.
And you were tired of being a man?
I was tired of being an idiot, but.
You so you woke up one day?
You know what?
I'm tired of being a man.
I want to be a liberal.
I think there are plenty of men that are liberal.
Not real men.
You know what I'm saying?
Men who are liberals are badas.
Hahaha.
That is hilarious, dude.
Yeah, that's good times.
That's very funny.
Men who are liberals are badas, badas.
I like the delivery of that.
It resonates some.
I'm trying to think of any liberal male friends I have
that are like alpha dudes.
Do you know any?
No.
Alpha, I'm trying to, yeah, I don't.
I mean, like I'm friends with beta liberals.
I'm down with them, fine.
Yeah, I'm the ton of friends that are.
Yeah, totally fine.
The gay is fucked up.
Yeah, the straight ones.
Yeah.
No cold plunging here.
No, they're gay shit. Yes. They are. They are. as fuck though. Yeah. They're in the straight ones. Yeah. No cold plunging here.
No, they're gay as shit.
They are.
They are.
They totally are.
Should they be that gay?
They're great guys.
I mean, you know, they're like good people I'm saying, right?
And they're smart and stuff, but most of them are such pussy people.
But by the way, aren't the betas all on?
The betas are the new nerds.
The new geek, like isn't Zuckerberg a tattooed beta?
He's a fucking beta.
He's a robot, I don't know.
He's an alien.
He's kinda, yeah, he's kinda.
He's a beta, he's not cold plunging and lifting weights.
No, he's a jitsu, a bunch, yeah.
Is he?
Yeah, yeah, hardcore.
All right, so maybe he changed his ways.
Yeah, I think he, you know.
Jew, jitsu.
Excuse me, God, you're welcome.
Do they have to be so racist about it?
I never thought of that. Maybe you should. How can they can let that one go?
It's true partner, huh? Yeah. Little racist. Maybe we should, by the way, I'm going to say the name
of a martial art, and I want to make sure that everybody here knows that I don't mean anything of fantasy when I say it.
Okay, the spelling is a non-traditional way of spelling it
and it comes originally from Japan
it made its way to brust you.
So the martial art is called
ju jitsu.
Jitsu.
I hope that's okay with everybody.
I'll put in a fan to anybody, God forbid.
Can I, man, please talk about, oh, are we still doing this?
No, no, I'm going.
I'm so fucking pumped about this next topic I have for you.
What is it?
Brue, bro.
Tell me.
Like, why?
Every time I do like a women's fitness class, and I'm saying it's clearly for brods.
Okay, like you go on the website, it's a bunch of brods and Lulu lemon and, you know,
nice crop tops and they're all in their 20s.
And yeah, it's for chicks, bro.
Okay, so it's a group fitness chick class, 100%.
You fucking know it.
So I go to this chick class,
and there's always without fail, one dude who comes in and you're like,
what's this motherfucker doing? And he's never dressed appropriately. He's wearing like dicky shorts,
like the hard, the hard fabric, heavy fabric, heavy texture. It's not even moisture wicking fabric.
It's, they eat the room so it's hot as fucking there.
And I'm like eyeballing like I'm like this fucking asshole.
Because at this these to happen in LA when I would do yoga,
same shit different to some weird beard comes in.
He ain't he's not even wearing the right attire.
He just came in off the street.
He just wants to look at hot chicks.
And I see this fucking asshole and he comes in shirtless with just the dicks.
I'm like, you get to get your life.
And then, you know, you use weights too
when he pulls like the biggest weights and I'm watching.
I'm like, get out of here.
And he sits right in the middle.
Attention, every minute, always on me.
You have a rock and bod?
No.
So that's the, that's the move if you have a rock and bod.
Then you go, that's different.
Yeah, that's like, I show up.
You're like, who is the fuck? I got. That's different. Yeah, that's like, Hot guy shows up, you're like,
Who is a hot guy?
That's true.
See, this is the spin on this.
No, this is the spin on this.
Is that you're like this fucking guy.
And that's because,
You're not cute.
Right, and if it was a super hot guy,
I'd be like,
You know what,
You wouldn't have even brought it up.
You'd been like,
You know, I got class again.
There's a great show that,
It's a really,
I don't know if you'd like it,
but it's a, that's what it's all about. I wouldn't even tell my's a really, it's really, I don't know if you'd like it, but it's a,
that's what it's all about. I wouldn't even tell my partner. No, you wouldn't. You leave your partner out of it. I mean, no harm. No foul.
This head on. Little little eye candy is fine. That would have been and it's, but it's never if he was rocking hot, but it's never a hot guy. It's always some guy that looks partially homeless.
He always looks like he's mentally ill
and he stumbled and off the street and he's wearing the wrong clothes. Oh my God. Yeah.
That's what he's thinking. What are you here for? Yeah. Even his back was all red and weird
and I said, behind him, I'm like, dude, what are you fucking get out of here? Yeah.
Creep. Yeah. I was like, they just throw you out and meet on the way. Why doesn't the hot
he ever come to that? Because he's not deaf, you know, he's not trying to,
he's not having a hard time finding chicks.
That's why.
He's not having a hard time.
Right?
Everywhere he goes, there's chicks.
There's hot dogs.
Let me tell you something.
I was at lunch with your sister.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And we saw such an attractive man at the restaurant.
And we were like, who is the,
and I'm talking like Jack 20 something,
maybe 20, 30 max. And we're like, this guy the, and I'm talking like Jacked 20 something, maybe 20, 30 max.
And we're like, this guy's a movie star.
Yeah.
Who is he with?
Because as a woman, I would never date the hot Jacked 30 year old.
No way to the pressure because he's got pussy thrown at him at every angle.
So you kind of did settle down with that guy.
My partner had the glow up.
But you know, I'm saying like if you're going to go with a guy that hot,
you the woman need to be at least 10 times hotter. Well, didn't know it didn't.
No, no woman.
So the woman showed up.
And we only saw her back because his face was facing us and she was seated with her back.
Her body was gorgeous.
And of course she wore like a fucking crop top so you could see her belly
and we were like, let's see this broad face.
It was okay, it was like a seven.
Were they definitely together together?
Yes.
You tell by that.
It was a date, they were drinking drinks during the day.
They were like, huh, hello, hello, I ain't in flirting.
And then I'm like, dude, she's not hot enough for this guy.
But you also don't know a couple of things.
A, well, A, because this guy...
What am I not knowing?
This is what I'm saying.
Because this guy is at this good looking, he has women,
like all the time, this could be a woman who he hasn't even bagged,
that is just like, she found out that he broke up with his girl.
And she's just like, let's go.
And let's talk about it.
Let's have drink.
Like, she's just trying to get some.
This could be one of six girls in his rotation.
Okay.
You know, there's a lot of variables
that go into something like this.
This could be, it could be different, you know?
But don't you think if you're such a super attractive male?
Yeah.
Like, who do you go with?
Like, who do you go?
Because like, let's look at like the most attractive actresses, let's say.
Right.
Like, who is Margot Robbie with?
She's married.
To who?
To a, like, is he hot?
Is he a good looking man?
No, he's a good looking guy.
I've seen a photo.
He's a producer, I think.
Right, but these, like, because, but you're also...
But these all, look, look, look, look, look, he ain't a fucking,
I know, I know, but this is my point though.
He should get to him.
What I'm saying is, also, you're different at 22
than you are at 30.
So this guy also might be like,
there's no come left in my balls.
I've done everything that I wanted to check off.
Oh, right.
And now he's trying to have a meaningful relationship, you know?
Because he's probably had his nuts drained.
Oh, he has.
13.
The way you're describing it, it's never slowed down.
He literally, his body's like, could you please let us refill these for a day?
Like these are empty every day.
They're begging him.
They're begging him to fill up.
Just slow down.
Just slow down for a moment.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, because like the ultra hot, like Cindy Crawford.
She's very...
We'd like to ask you if you're super hot
and let us know how you deal with it.
Please send to your email to your mom's podcast at gmail.com.
There's no house.
No house in the email.
It's your mom's podcast at gmail.com
and put, I'm super hot in the subject line
and let us know how you cope with that.
Because if you look at Cindy Crawford,
she married a businessman, Gerber.
He's a good looking man, though.
But okay, but okay, but is he as hot as Cindy Crawford?
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
But I mean, that's the, he's a very good looking man
who's also very successful.
Obvi, but I'm saying, tens, don't marry,
oh yeah, he's really handsome.
He's a handsome guy, get out of here.
But tens, don't marry tens. What do you think this is? What do you really handsome. He's a handsome guy. Get out of here. But tens don't marry tens.
What do you think this is?
What do you call this?
He's not a ten.
Okay, what is he?
Compared to Cindy Crawford, a supermodel.
What do you want?
He would literally have to marry another supermodel.
No, that's weird.
You're talking weird shit now.
But that's what I'm saying.
Homey tens don't marry tens.
Who the fuck the ten marries?
They always marry down.
Bro, he did model.
Well, dang.
He modeled, okay? Dang, Gerber was a good girl. Yeahys they always marry down bro. He did model. He modeled okay. Dang Gerber was a crazy bro
First of all look at him look at him when they met I know super cute by the way
You guys have to watch his documentary about the super models Christie Thurlington Cindy Crawford Naomi Campbell
I can't believe you're so passionate about that you're like who what is left for these people?
They have nothing more.
They've, they've trying, they're trying.
And there's no one hot enough to fuck them.
Like you are really impassioned.
I don't hear you talk about the homeless like this.
I don't care about anything important.
I don't care.
Here, let's cleanse the pal with something fun.
I'll give a shit.
I got real pro.
Oh.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
What's in your watch, guys?
You think she's letting me do it again?
She let's him do it again.
What a dummy.
I want to take my mother to do this.
The next time she's in, we gotta find somebody
that'll let my mom, that'll do this to her.
Ah.
Ha. Super cool at times. All right.HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm here, I thank you. Oh wow. They really did clap. They really did clap. I was really sweet.
I wasn't expecting that.
He's the coast represent.
He's coast is crushing with comedy.
Yeah, we're really good.
Yeah, people have said it before.
You guys, New York knows how to do stand-up comedy.
Yeah.
Did you shoot the special in New York?
I did.
I shot at the village underground, the comedy seller, sister.
I've done three in a row there.
I just keep going.
Yeah.
I got like an OCD approach to comedy.
Yeah, that worked, I'll just do that again.
How do you feel about this one?
Like this was the third time, it changes, right?
Because the first time you're like, what the fuck am I, panic?
Yeah, it felt, this one was much more silly and sort of relaxed.
And I do a thing, I can't watch myself do comedy.
I just really can't, so I don't, I just try, I just go, you edit it.
And they're like, well, watch this cut
and I try to watch it and I just can.
Same.
And they ended up leaving in a bunch of stuff
where I was like, that worked, that bombed,
that was weird, how you guys doing?
That's in there.
So much of people were like,
this really seems pretty not tight.
And I'm like, well, it would have been,
but I couldn't watch it.
I should have cut those things out.
So it's very loose.
That is so funny.
When I did this last special, I finally got the call
where they were like, hey, man, if you don't watch this cut
and tell us what you want, we're going to have to get
a new release date, because the release date was already set.
Right.
And I just wouldn't watch for like, I didn't watch for six months, seven months.
Yeah, I was the same way. It really was.
It was special.
The last one.
Really?
Yeah, it was so reluctant.
I don't know. I just, I didn't want to, you know, it's like you're avoiding it.
You're just, it's too low of a voice.
There's nothing worse than watching yourself.
I hate it.
Do you stand up?
I hate it.
Or even...
There are those six sick individuals
who enjoy it, like Bert, people like that.
Oh, he likes to watch his stand up.
He likes to watch anything of himself.
Those photos of himself.
That's so gross.
Clips of himself.
He loves the sound of his voice.
You know, yeah.
How do you get like that?
Maybe I need a little bit of that.
Everyone should have a little bit of it.
He has a gross amount.
Well, I think I'm good.
When I'm on stage, I'm like, this is cool.
Right, right.
I don't want to watch it again later.
And I listen to my sets to write, but it's not permanent.
It's the, do you find that hard?
Yes.
Is the listening of this?
I think that's very hard to do.
No, I don't struggle with that too much.
I mean, I do if the more time that passes,
the more you feel like an idiot. Commonly really doesn't hold up well. Even from like three weeks ago,
you're like, I thought that was good and that was stupid. Right. Do you listen right after?
Usually the next day, sometimes right after, if I did something specific. Yeah. But I do feel like
that's the best way to write and create materials and listen to stuff. Because I feel like
it's a comic. Anytime you're listening to comics, you're like, he should
say this.
And so you got to do that for yourself.
I have to ask you because you're here.
Did you hear Big Fat Birds version of your guys?
I've been dreading this.
Really?
Do you even know about it?
You don't even know about it.
You don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah.
So he detailed a confrontation when they were in Tampa at a bachelor party and he told
his story and then Ari was like, that's not the fucking stuff.
The guy was like, that's not what happened.
And then eventually, through Ari being very specific, but I was like, okay, yeah, that's
kind of true.
He did a full 180. But what can you tell me?
Like, I've, I've, I've been having nightmares of this.
When we booked the show, I'm like, Bert's gonna come out from behind the wall.
No, he's not. He's not.
And shoot me. No, we had a big beef. It's all squash.
You guys are good now. We're great. We were great.
Half an hour after.
Oh, that, that's fantastic.
But then it got built because Ari came on, Ari, that fucking pimple came on.
Yeah.
And he brought it up and then Mark Norman mentioned it on Theo.
So it became like an internet sensation.
Yeah it did.
It did.
And then in my special,
because it was about pizza and Thai food.
And then in my special,
I have a bunch of jokes about ordering pizza
and all these people were like,
oh, I love it.
List is trolling, bird.
And I'm like, the idea that I rewrote my act
to fuck with bird is the same, but I would do that.
That's true, you wouldn't do that.
Yeah, we got in a tiff, but we worked it out.
You settled it.
We settled it then, and it was great.
Yeah, great.
This is so vague, I'm so, like, what's the tip?
Well, he doesn't know anything about it.
Yeah, it's okay.
Because people listening, maybe don't know.
The short version is a Bert ordered Thai food
and I ordered pizza, and he got very upset about it.
But because he'd been drinking.
So he- Sorry, sorry, postmates, like, oh, you wanna-
No, no, so Bert goes down the street, right, with the roast-
I drove him.
They get, they stay too long, they're drinking,
they get kind of, they get a few pops.
Bert and his like, you know, belligerent kind of,
I've had drinks goes, I'm gonna bring Thai food back for everybody as a gift.
Like this is me being generous.
So he shows up and he's like,
look what I did for you guys.
And he's like, I don't fucking like Thai food.
Yeah.
And then Bert gets offended that he ordered pizza.
Why would you order pizza if I got Thai food for you?
Well, which, hold on, I defend you thoroughly
just off of hearing this,
because A, when you're ripped and you're drunk,
typhoon's the last cuisine.
He's not drunk, though.
But what's still like, is you're out late?
Are you out?
Yeah, so there's, I don't want that.
I want pizza.
I mean, I can give you a try,
try to do a bridged version.
Yeah, yeah, real quick.
But basically, yeah, everyone, there was like 15 of us,
it was Norman's batch of the party.
Everyone's banged up. I don't drink basically yeah everyone was like 15 of us it was Norman's batch the party everyone's banged up
I don't drink so I was like the sober guy everyone's banged up and there's some other accoutrements going around
And we're trying to figure out what we're gonna eat and some people were like let's get delivery
Bert didn't want to get delivery and
Then we were like de Rose was like I'll cook we got to go to the grocery store
I'll cook for everybody and then I was the one so we went so I was like, I'll cook. We gotta go to the grocery store. I'll cook for everybody. And then I was the one, so everyone's like,
all right, I'll drive to the grocery store
and Bert and Joe were like, we'll go with you.
And they were both banged up.
So I tried to get Ari, who's kind of like the,
I'm close with Ari and I was like,
he's the bridge between us.
But then stupid Ari was like,
I'm gonna take a shower first.
So while he was showering,
somebody came up with the idea to get Thai food.
Mm-hmm. I'm not sure who.
But then Bert was like, we'll go to the bar together,
we'll hang out at the bar while they're making the Thai food.
And I just said, I don't wanna hang out at the bar,
but I'll drive you there.
So I drove Bert and Joe, and Bert really wanted me to hang out.
And I was like, no, no, I'm dropping you off.
It's so pissed.
I'll come back when you're ready.
So I went back to the house. I started a charades game.
We were all playing charades.
And then Bert texted and said,
I'm ready to be picked up.
So I was like, I'm coming.
So I ran over there in the car.
I have the text.
Because in the story he told,
I kept them waiting, which is not forever.
That's exactly wrong.
And this I have, I have receipts.
I have text.
This is everything what you're saying right now is so specific to a birth version of
a story though.
This gross exaggeration of something that makes it where like we kept this waiting forever
and then you're like, that's not true.
That's very, okay, keep going.
But to be fair, I think Ari said that and Bert probably didn't remember, and was like, oh yeah, he may have let us
wait. I believe Ari put that out there.
I want to, okay.
I don't want to be on Bert's side anymore.
I mean, on this bad side.
But so I drove over and then at this point,
Bert came out and was like, get in here.
Come on.
I mean, he was pretty banged up.
He was like, let's go.
And I was like, oh no, I'm picking you up.
And he was like, come on.
Get in here.
And to be fair to Bert, he just wanted to hang and connect, I think.
But I was like, I don't want to hang out at the bar.
I'm hanging out, we're playing charades.
So I went back.
Then I came back a third time I drove there.
And this time, they left me in the car for eight minutes.
And so I texted Bert and was like, dude, because now I was getting furious that I was being treated kind of like an Uber driver.
Yeah, sure.
The other problem was in this time,
when they decided to eat Thai food,
I'm a very picky eater, I'm a child, I'm a boy.
And so I just turned to this guy, Chris Allen,
great comic, and I was like,
I don't really want Thai food,
I kind of want like pizza and wings, it's a party.
And he's like, I'll eat that.
And I was like, I'm just gonna order a bunch of that.
So it's here. And I should's like, I'll eat that. And I was like, I'm just gonna order a bunch of that. So it's here.
And I should have said, hey guys,
Bert, I don't like Thai food.
So I'm just gonna order this additionally.
So finally, Bert and Joe came out.
And I think another problem was,
Derosa came out first.
And I was like, Joe, what the fuck?
I've just been sitting out here.
I've been sitting here three times.
And Joe went in and told Bert, list is furious.
And I think Bert was so happy about that.
Yeah.
So then when he came out, he was very mad at me.
I was very mad at him.
It just a lot of, it sounds like miscommunication.
A lot of miscommunication.
And to your defense though,
Typhoon's very specific cuisine.
Like either you like it or you fucking really don't care for it.
Maybe it makes your asshole explode.
Maybe it's too tough on your stomach.
It's like it's a very unique thing.
Pizza's more everybody likes pizza.
It's a party food.
It's a party food.
It's a party.
There's no tie party.
It does seem though.
Yeah, there's no tie party.
Like at the real, if you go to the ground zero of this whole thing,
it's all about Ari trying to stir some shit up.
Oh, boy.
Ari fucked us.
Yeah, well, Ari went and showered to go to the fucking Thai restaurant.
He was gonna be the go-between,
and it was just gonna be groceries.
We're gonna have a good adventure
at the grocery store.
But so anyways, then he got in the car,
and the other problem was,
I hadn't told Bert that I was ordering pizza,
and so when he got in the car,
I was like, he was mad at me already,
and I was like, I gotta get back to pizza's getting delivered.
Yeah.
And he was like,
Ruh!
He's like, what the fuck?
And then, awesome, I'm gonna push back on this,
and I wish Bert were here,
and we should have this conversation.
I've, you know, but he, in his mind,
and I believe that he thinks this,
he said, I said, nobody wants your Thai food,
which I did not say, everybody did want Thai food.
That's why I was like, I'm just gonna order this pizza quietly.
And again, I believe he thinks I,
so I think he's stuck to that story.
It sounds like Bert was drunk.
He was back down, yeah.
He's just, he's a drunk fan.
Well, he did leave a message for you.
Oh, I can't wait.
I'm a faggot.
That's it.
Man.
But we worked it out then and there and and and and and
and deal with our argument that Bert has is I never said thank you.
Yeah. Which is true.
This and this I know.
Yeah.
But when he came out, I don't know when I could have said that because he came out and we were already
fighting.
Yeah.
And my counterpoint is,
Bert later ate pizza.
I wasn't there for it.
I never going to thank you for the pizza.
What?
And his big thing was, and I love Bert and we're cool,
but he kept saying, I went and got typhoon for it,
but I'm like, but I went too.
Yeah, he took you there and he did.
I brought it.
You actually transported the typhoon.
Yeah, a few times you went back and forth.
You are, you delivered typhoon. Yeah, but few times you went back. You are, you delivered typhoon.
Yeah, but I think the main thing that bothered him was that I didn't communicate.
And when he got in the car, I was like, the pizza, the pizza's coming.
And he was like, he was really furious about it.
But again, we were fine that night and hung out talking.
Yeah. Okay.
And I love for a daytons.
I think he's great and hilarious.
Yeah. And he, um, he did a full, basically what you're doing,
he told his story and then he went above and beyond
to be like, I love Joe, Joe's great.
And you know, I wish I could help his baseball swing
or something like that.
And then that was another point of contention also.
We started off rocky.
Well, by the way, the first thing that happened,
I don't even know if you remember this,
he showed up, I think he didn't know it was there,
but he brought a bunch of cigars,
and he was like, I'm not gonna let fucking Joe Lis
pick cigars for everybody.
And I was like, what?
And he was like, oh, hey, you piece of shit,
like kind of bust in balls.
And so we got off.
And I was like, he doesn't like my cigar,
and then he was shitting on my baseball swing,
which by the way, I recently found my baseball camp.
I went to baseball. Yeah, sure. And I have a note from the coach. He said,
Joe has a perfect swing. Sweet stroke. Wow.
I mean, we can pal send it to you after we can post it. I mean, and also I was on a minor league
team. I played for a day and I'm taking live BP and I hit many into the ground, but I made
contact with every ball hit many in the out, but I made contact with every ball,
hit many in the outfield.
At one point, they were like, go opposite field.
I did.
I also switched around and hit from the left side.
Jesus Christ.
How many 41 year old comedians can hit from both sides?
No, I'm not sure.
You're in the top 0.002% right now.
That bird is a better hitter and player and athlete
than I am, and I will certainly will admit that,
but I think I have a pretty beautiful swing
and I'm happy to post a video.
I would love for you to send us a.
I'll send you my whole package.
Yeah, please send us the package when you get home.
Please make this a priority
over everything going on in your life.
Absolutely, yeah.
But no, it was all great.
And we never were, we hugged and chatted that day.
We went to the titty bar, the whole thing.
It was wonderful. Nice. Man, that was great. That was stressful. Yeah went to the titty bar the whole thing. It was nice nice man
That was great. That was stressful. Yeah, that's everybody here's happy
Dear foot
Speaking of
Athletes and being out there and taking a swing. We got this. This is a guy who I believe has
Taken the golf ball. Do you play golf? I do a little bit, not as much as I'd like.
This guy picked up another player's ball
and put it in his pocket.
Oh.
We got a caron on the golf course right now.
No leave.
That's right, I don't give you a goddamn thing.
I'm gonna take your gloves.
You take it.
This is me.
Where are you fucking?
I'm not getting to find out a golf course.
I'm gonna stay in here and you can go play and Dubai. I'm not gonna find out a golf course
You talk
Bro you took your boss if you need money for a golf ball
Is off-pans you bitch. Now get the fuck off the cart.
Walter.
Walter.
Here we go.
Whoa.
That's a dude who's been to heaven bitch
and you want to test God
you fucking come get it.
Just stack.
Just stack.
I mean,
I know you.
Just stack.
That's what's up.
He's been to heaven. Yeah, I think he said he's been to heaven. Nice. He's what's up. He's been to heaven.
I think he said he's been to heaven.
Nice. He's showing the bod.
And that did work.
They left. He piqued our act and they left.
I really liked the pivot though,
because it was like not, don't talk to me.
And then it just was a full.
And then she goes, this guy's mentally ill.
I don't know if she could.
Yeah, well, he is.
Clearly, he's got voices telling him to do that.
I liked that he piqued at his own flex. He did. Yeah, well, yeah, it's clearly. He's got voices telling him to do that. I like that he peaked at his own flex.
That he did.
Sometimes you have better days,
sometimes you have better than others.
You know, he kind of flexed and was like,
I always looked at it.
He was like, I do look pretty good.
Yeah.
So what's up?
Yeah, I look good.
Leave me alone.
Yeah.
So he's been deeply traumatized, this man.
Sure.
I would have paused and been like what was heaven like?
That's quite a claim
Yeah, yeah, this guy's got a lot of
Bravado for someone that I don't believe to back any of it up. What part of the world is this East Coast?
Is this your tribe? I don't know. I would that feels very East Coast to me
He also seems to be golfing by himself. There's only one bag on his cart
Mm-hmm. He's just a solo golfer getting into it.
He really likes to be alone.
He made it very clear.
Midwest.
Oh, it's in Michigan.
I feel like once you've gone to heaven,
it's hard to connect with people
on a French hip lover if they haven't been to the whole world.
That's weird.
That's so true.
That's weird.
Well, that's cool with the video.
I mean, aren't you so pumped that people
can just video this stuff right now?
It's one of the, that's one of the real plus sides of the world today is that when somebody
takes it here, someone always just gets to capture it and gets to share it with everybody.
So he stole their ball and then when they wanted it back.
The, what I understand from watching this is they're like, you took, you took her, but
he's holding. He's like, this is your ball. He puts it in his body.
He's like, I asked you to get away from me
and not to talk to me.
And they're like, you have her ball.
And then he's like,
are they that expensive golf balls?
No, but it's really, really crazy to take someone's golf.
Right.
So to my point, I would go, oh, he's crazy.
Let him have it.
Like, I'm not even gonna talk to him.
I think at first though, you're like,
hey, what are you doing?
And that's probably this guy's like,
I asked you not to talk to me.
He's taking you a second to register how crazy he is.
At this point, they're fully informed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But at first he's like, can I have my ball?
What are you doing?
I think also as an amateur golfer, if you don't golf that much,
to keep one ball for 18 holes is really an accomplishment.
You feel really good.
So to have someone just take your ball,
you're like, maybe that's what it is.
Yeah, right.
At first, he's just like,
I would like to keep playing with my ball.
Exactly.
Yeah.
I also, it's also a weird thing.
You never know when the right time
is to take the camera.
I was in Nashville last weekend waiting for a table
at a breakfast restaurant.
And a guy, I don't know what happened,
but a guy smashed, I heard the glass smash,
and this man got up and started screaming in a waitress' face
and he's like, we're all out of here.
Fuck this shit.
And it was that thing of like, should we get our phone?
Like, because if he hits this woman,
I really want the views.
Yeah.
But you don't want to be the guy that pulls the camera out too
since it's a weird line.
When do you pull it out?
When do you pull it out?
Yeah.
I mean, this, I mean, I'd be there.
I would have liked to see in the beginning of this.
I wish it had been out earlier.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
They didn't know that they were going to get
into a really cool confrontation though.
And you know what's neat about this is you don't,
I guess you don't see people freak out at golf.
It's a very tame sport.
So it's kind of cool to see a golf freak out.
Do people freak out?
No.
The engine machines dad.
Well, yeah, he, I mean, his dad is wild.
But that's like, you know, people get pissed at themselves.
That's very common.
But there's a total like etiquette to play.
I mean, it's supposed to be a gentleman's sport, you know?
Sure.
Yeah, you know, this is not normal.
Not normal.
Not normal.
Fuck no.
And Joe, do you call your wife, your partner?
I do not really know, but on stage,
I use the term partner on stage.
So I can, so people can, you know.
Think you're gay.
No, because I'll be like, I'll say something like,
you ever have sex with your partner? Because that way it's like, if you're gay, if you're a male, you're like, I'll say something like, you ever have sex with your partner?
Because that way it's like,
if you're gay, if you're a male,
you're like 18 or 18.
So I do use partner, but only because it's like,
I don't wanna be like, oh, your husband or your wife,
what's your girlfriend or whatever?
That summarizes it all.
Yeah, that's very open-minded.
That's different than, no,
but that's actually trimming the fat,
like you get to, you say, let us words
and you are still getting the same effect.
Yeah, but I don't, I'm not like this is my partner,
Sarah, my partner, we are with child.
I love the American Judy, which I think is an overrated film,
but it is very fun.
This is my partner and he goes, what's your business?
And then they name two different businesses.
That's very funny.
Yeah, that's very fun.
What is this here? I don't know what this is.
I want to say that I'm not encouraging people to do this.
I'm a professional.
My very favorite is a big fat, fat, cheek cake.
Specifically vanilla frosting,
because chocolate frosting looks so little weird.
No writing, no designs, nothing in the middle.
That is my favorite.
Cakes to sit on.
When there's ice cream inside, it's nice, but usually I prefer no ice cream.
Great sitting cake.
My second favorite is a Swiss roll, but it has to be one like this, like smooth and one that's long ways.
And I like to pink one's the best.
This is a...
So she's on TikTok. She's actually a fan of us.
She is?
Yeah, she's... She and I have made contact with like, do you know?
No, sure. Yeah, she does these fetish videos. She's a fetish girl and
tectop. She's really sweet actually and she's being quite sincere. Like when
she does her selling videos. Those are the good cakes. Let's find out the bad ones.
Like this with the stuff on top? Absolutely not. I've my third favorite but just
without the fruits, without the stems. Love a good buttercream frosting. This is
similar to the sheet cake, but not as good as the Swiss roll.
Cupcakes are my second to least favorite. Not enough square footage.
Unless they are arranged like this and then this is really fun.
Have you ever sat on cake or no? Are you a fan of those videos?
No, this is my first time watching a certain cake.
Yeah, it's a whole thing.
It's a thing though, but now that I think about it,
it's exciting.
I get it.
When she breaks it down for you,
well, you need something flat.
You sit on there and then the imprints
of the frosting on her toa shake.
It's very rotten.
And last but not least, actually, yeah,
least, cinnamon cake, any kind of cinnamon cake.
Oh, the crumbs.
Spice, burns.
Yeah.
So you're doing this pantsless.
No one does.
Yeah, it's a fetish thing, like cake sitting.
Yeah, it's a petting females sitting on their birthday cakes.
Yeah, wet and messy with the food, food crush fetish.
Wow.
Yeah, I'd share some similarities with cake fart fetishes.
And cake sitting does not necessarily involve passing of wind
or a deliberate discharge
of any other body fluids. You just sit on the cake and then you get to see, you know,
you know, genitals and butt bean and delicious frosting. I get it. I wish you would do
a cake junk smush. I would like that. Okay. That could be arranged. Sure. Yeah. We know
that Baker, the great Baker
But she's right cinnamon would burn your giant. Yeah, cuz all that cinnamon you don't want it You want a soft
Member in the cake or a fully aroused
Bung on either I think soft and then you know, we get it
Gross yeah, I'd be fun to smash the cake with a hard yeah, yeah, cock
Yeah, it's reallyah, you know?
And then you go, you know it,
here's your spoon and you just shove it in her mouth.
By the way, if I had read cake sitting,
I literally would have thought that meant
like keeping an eye on the cake.
Oh, wow, while the baker is out.
Right, you know, I'm cake sitting this week.
So you go ahead and cake sit.
You got it.
You're in full baby mode, that's why you're about to have a baby.
I think you're right.
Nothing calms me down quite like a plug, okay?
Like I have the worst AHD, so I will walk around my house
half finishing a million tasks,
but if I put a plug in and try and go do those tasks,
I'm completing them in half the time.
I'm completing them in a record speed,
and I have tunnel vision and focus the entire time.
You know what plug she's talking about?
A butt plug?
I'm presuming.
Yeah, because this is another one I wouldn't, this wouldn't have been my first plot, and focus the entire time. You know what plug she's talking about? A butt plug? I'm presuming. Yeah.
Because this is another one I wouldn't,
this wouldn't have been my first thought.
Because it's just, you're not saving that much time
by just saying plug.
So I feel like I would be specific.
Yeah.
But plug.
Yeah.
Again, you're thinking like a great writer.
Much like you're using partner in your act versus
husband or wife.
I'm getting specific here.
Butt plug.
But.
Plus they're so cute and fun.
Like look at the top of this one and like this one has a
whole tail and this one's fun because it has a handle if you really need some grip.
But don't fall asleep with one in because I did that once and it was a big mistake.
Big mistake.
That's also very important.
Why is it a big mistake?
If you take anything with you it's that. Take it out before you go to bed.
But why is it a big mistake?
Well maybe you roll over and it really gets in there too deep.
Or it stretches you out so much.
You can stretch it too much.
Because if you fall asleep, it's in there for what?
Six hours, eight hours or something.
And then the leak poop will come out.
Yeah, and the poop will come out.
Yeah.
That's a good, yeah.
Yeah.
It's a lesson.
She's really delight.
You guys, it's at C, the letter C, get sneaky.
She's on text, she makes great content.
Actually, she's a very sweet girl.
Yeah, she seems very sweet.
Yeah, I really like her.
Yeah, me too.
I like that she's straightforward about this stuff.
You know, like she's very matter of fact.
I'm glad it's professional.
Yeah, and it's very normalizing also.
Yeah, exactly.
She's not like guys, I know this is insane to stick things in your ass. No, yeah, exactly. She's not like guys. I know this is insane to stick things in your ass
No, yeah, she's just like when I do it. Yeah, that's what I do. I focus. It's what I do. Sometimes I focus so much that I forget to take it out
Yeah, and what I do is what she does
Have you we I don't know if you're familiar with some of the people we've highlighted on this show
But I figured you hadn't been so I wanted to like show you some of our
um Classics people we've highlighted on this show, but I figured you hadn't been so I wanted to like show you some of our classics
If you've had any kind of erectile
Disorder problems. I'm here to tell you forget that bag or forget about saffron forget that dick and plants and all that stuff
So I don't know if you believe in your nut
But if you like to see me smoke some meth with a small lymph dick, then get hard and the way and watch it harder and harder. The more I smoke,
the harder my dick gets is unbelievable. Your dickhead becomes so sensitive.
That you don't eat a loo, you don't eat spit. You just stroke that dickhead
this up and down four times. It's this how bad to do it. And you'll shoot an
enormous amount of very thick
thick hot white come can I ask you
What ethnicity do you see this man is
African-American thank you. Yeah, yeah, so he sounds like Bob Ross. Yeah, I mean that sounds
Exactly like Bob Ross me, but I mean he's clearly a black man here kill us to keep going home With me put't see that. My brother didn't believe me. But when he smoked with me he put it his dick.
I couldn't believe how big his dick was.
He jacked off in four strokes and shot the most come.
He had every shot in his life.
He's only 49.
And he's fine.
And he has no neurotic problems at all.
But his dick gets even harder and thicker.
Even more come.
He believes me now.
Joe, his brother didn't believe him until he tried it.
Now I'm a believer, that's what the song's about.
And then his brother pulled his dick out and he jacked off in four strokes.
Yeah.
That's impressive.
I mean, this man's voice is just delightful.
I think I can follow sleep to it.
It really does feel like a Bob Ross painting.
Happy little strokes.
Yeah, it's kind of nice.
Stroke, stroke.
It's not a poor stroke guy.
It's pretty good.
Pretty good, man. Yeah. You know, every time we watch this, it just presents of nice. Stroke, stroke, stroke. It's pretty good, man.
Yeah.
You know, every time we watch this,
it just presents more and more to me.
I'm noticing the piece of fabric there on the side.
Is it because, hold on, that hat might be tied on,
like a do rag.
Oh, you're so cute.
And there's a piece of fabric.
And the hat is always mesmerizing to me
because you're like, it's just a piece of cloth
that he found on the floor.
It's a shitty hat for sure.
Yeah, that's a fitting one.
It's not a good hat.
And I'm like, how is this hat staying on?
So now I see it, maybe that's the tie.
Mm, that good.
But I don't see him as being ethnically black.
I don't see black.
Oh, it's the only, like I always assumed
that this, because I've seen this video for years. Yeah, that he's black and one day I brought it up and then half the crew was like, it's the only like I always assumed that this because I've seen this video for years.
Yeah.
That he's black and one day I brought it up and then half the crew was like, he's not
I was like, what are you talking about?
That's like Matt.
Matt, Matt, Matt present the argument against him being black.
I think his facial hair would be darker, no?
No, he's older.
He's older.
Yeah.
And also it looks, it's not that I think he kind of like you look clearly like a black item me. Yeah, I'm I feel
Similarly, even his sweater is black. Yeah
No, he's like I was where other colored sweaters. They don't they don't I can tell you that that I know for sure
Yeah, black people wear exclusively black
Yeah, this is as the fucking first-grade shit anyway. Open and shut case here.
All right, here's another classic of ours to introduce you to the show. Hey, bro,
I'm on record for a moment. What is this place? Anyways, but is this place?
You don't need to film me. Oh, I'm gonna go to documentary. This is America. You dumb son of a bitch,
okay? You dumb son of a bitch. I'm a private person. I'm a fucking American I don't care. This is America, you dumb son of a bitch, okay? You dumb son of a bitch.
I'm a private person.
I don't want a fucking America in your stupid fuck.
I can ask you anything I want.
I can tell you know any time I want.
You're gonna fucking baby on your face, okay?
Come on, kid.
For you, the one looks like a baby.
Baby, for a couple of more.
Would you escape from jail?
What's up there, Chomo?
Listen here.
What do you guys, how do you get a job here?
They're a fuck face.
But not by talking like that.
Well, you know what? You're fired, bud.
No, okay? You're talking to me.
I'm a fucking American, you'll fuck.
You're not touching my camera through the fence.
He's a fucking thief.
I'm gonna talk to the Sheriff's Department about you, buddy.
Okay? Go get him. Go get him.
He's known as Fed Smoker.
Herk, he's out getting crooked cops in his mind.
And he sees a guy in uniform and he immediately confronts him.
That's what he's known for.
Okay.
You know what's Trice, we know,
because again, this is something we viewed over the course
a few years, is how this guy is responding to his nuttery.
Yeah.
You know, when he's like, your chomo,
you should get fired and he's like,
I'm not good at fired. It's like, don't respond to the crazy one. Yeah, well, it's also, you're Choma, you should get fired. And he's like, I'm not gonna fire.
It's like, don't respond to the crazy.
Yeah, well, it's also, it's startling though.
Because the guy is just used to someone being like,
we have a delivery, you know?
And he's like, hey, fuck, face.
How'd you get a job here?
You're fucking fired, Choma.
Like, it's so out of the norm for him
that he's, you know, trying to adapt to it.
He does feel like he's starting to crack a little bit.
He's got his smiling a little bit.
Yeah, he's getting in. Yeah, he's getting in. Yeah, he's getting in. What's happening is he's, you know, trying to adapt to it. He does feel like he's starting to crack a little bit. He's smiling a little bit.
Yeah, he's getting it.
He's kind of, yeah.
He's not what's happening is he's putting it together.
This guy's fucking crazy.
Yeah, yeah.
And I don't think he's less dashes.
Look at that smile.
You're a ball pro to what do you, how do you get a job?
You don't call it?
You don't call it?
Yeah, I take cops, bad, you solve time doing it.
You know what you're talking to?
Retired double agent.
There you fucking retired. Ret retard. Retired double agent. Okay. Now he's having fun. Yeah. And his mustache is trimmed
poorly. I don't like the trim of this. It's not really well made. It's not good. That's
true. He does in in her ex defense. Yeah. He kind of looks like a chomo. He does look like
a chomo. Yeah. What is chomo for those of us, the chomo. Oh, I was thinking a chump homo.
Oh, that ass was sucking.
I thought that was pretty nice.
Yeah, it's a prison term.
Chomp homo.
Child, never heard that.
I think I like chomp homo better.
He just lost your life.
Okay, as far as your job goes.
I told Tucci, job.
That's right in my fucking life.
Job, bitch.
That's not what you said, asshole. Well, we've changed the job because you're. I'm not fucking life. Job, bitch.
That's not what you said, asshole.
Well, we've changed the job because you're taking it out of context there.
What's your name anyway?
Also, like that guy who's really crazy and aggressive knows to be like, Washington threat
and as well.
He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, not a contest.
Yeah.
He got serious there.
He's smiling and then he got serious for a moment.
Yeah.
Cause he knew he had something there.
Yeah.
See these wire. You just he had something there. Yeah. Can you see these wires?
You just got your job there, buddy.
It's baby on your face clothes, okay?
Tata, they're retard.
I can't.
You didn't follow Proto, buddy.
You're done.
I can't.
And then he's like, my work is done for this walk.
He's, and he does this a lot.
He did.
Did.
Oh, yeah, he passed.
Oh, yeah.
It's very sad. Oh, no.
Now, he goes up to like police officers.
Wow.
And he's state patrol.
Like he just does that.
Ah, what's your name?
What is it?
A 40-chariot.
And who's this captain?
The captain out here.
Yeah, your captain.
Dark Spiel. I just had a sheriff, Deppity but he and his buddy come up and go, was he filming some lady?
Did you hear about it?
Like, he just, you know, it's the math, like the math fuels the confrontations.
Sure.
You know, say this cop has beautiful lips.
Is that mean, look at his whole skin, everything.
Yeah, I don't know.
I sound like a chomo here. He wants a chomo.
You're a chompomo.
And the best part is that, you know, in the beginning, he's very sincere and sweet
and he's young and he answers the question.
Like, is he a captain?
He's like, oh, it's a famous seldom.
And you realize that this guy's like, hey, what's your, who's your captain?
But he's like, he's walking up to people with his phone in their face.
It's really aggressive.
Yeah, because it does catch you off guard
when some crazy person comes up to you.
And you're so sweet that he answers
her ex-dumb line of questioning.
And you're like,
Well, the cops that don't know that cameras are legal
need to be fired.
And you know they're legal, don't you?
Why are they wasting government time on cameras, brother?
Why are they wasting?
And I can film everybody in this country.
You know that, don't you?
They're retarded here.
I'm gonna go for it.
I'm gonna go for it.
And now this guy's like, oh, okay.
This guy's out of his fucking mind.
But yeah, he probably did this, I don't know.
Few hundred thousand times.
Yeah, good for him.
Yeah, I mean, he also took it to like,
other places, you know like
Stings first you went to take yourself a hook knife. Oh geez this is work best
try to get all the dog food off it. I just picked up.
Maybe this is probably going to hurt just a little bit.
It's gonna hurt just a little bit, so bear with me.
I can't watch this.
Well, what's nice about this knife here is the chip,
chip's been broke off, so going to bear with me.
Yep.
Oh, what are we doing here?
Well, why go to the dentist?
Oh, yeah, I can't look at this really
I can't watch Tim Dylan ticketing
Totally did this is insane
We're parked illegally quick quick quick quick
Did he do it is it over? Oh, I can't I just have to I'm gonna look over in this area
How strong he is you know hard hardest to yank a tooth out I
Dog never I've never tried so see
Usually it takes oh so I saw a video once of 200 and then one doing this to another one and he has to take fires and like
Brace and use his leg
This is not easy to do is using let oh I just heard a click.
Oh boy.
Come on man.
And so this has a lot of views and everything.
This is deeper into it.
Well I mean this guy's legendary.
Look at that.
Oh come on.
He's like and then he tells you.
It's like. Oh then he tells you.
He's like,
Oh, God, I think I got it. Oh, fuck.
He's holding it.
I'm gonna get bad tooth, folks.
That's a hell of a boosome has.
Yeah, fucking dang it.
Look at that, too.
That's the way you do it, Falcon Car Wash.
So he's at the car wash.
Oh, okay.
And he's just kind of explaining
that you can do this too. That's more understanding. You're unsanitary. It is to perform surgery
on yourself with a German shepherd in the car. Yeah, well, you've got to get the dog
hair off of your knife before you do it. Can we do some of my favorites, the dating profiles
for Joe? Oh, sure. Yeah.
I love this, by the way.
Sure.
Wait.
We've, I found these on, there's an account on Instagram
of inmates in Idaho prison and they want pen pals.
Right.
And it's them making their videos.
And then the fun thing to do is I show you them
putting out their video and then we guess
what they're incarcerated
for. Oh great. I can't wait. Hey, what's up? My name is Jose. I'm looking for some
pent pals. Anybody to help pass the time with? I don't want to draw them. I don't want
no problems. I don't want no nothing. Just somebody to help better myself. Wow. I've been
here for about a year. So I'll shoot me a message. Go for it. My IDok number is f***ing.
And yeah, hopefully you guys have a good day.
I think Jose got in with a bad crowd.
He's done some minor shit and he has learned his lesson
and he's like, I don't want no trouble.
I just want to get out of this shit.
And look, he's with Jen Pop.
He's not isolated.
He's not doing some weird shit.
Like this guy is socially, oh no, he's demon.
No.
What did he do?
No, no.
I'm gonna say like theft, like some small theft.
Yeah, he's just getting out in a year.
No, he said I've been in for a year.
Oh, I thought he's getting out for a year.
Oh, I thought he said I'm in for about a year.
Same.
I heard, I've been in here for about a,
we can bring him back.
Yeah, let's get some clarity on the topic here. I'll be here for about a year. Yeah, I will be here for about a year and bring it back. Yeah, let's get some clarity on topic here.
I'll be here for about a year.
Yeah, I will be here for about a year.
You're right, okay, my bad.
It's minor.
So it's gotta be minor.
I'm gonna say maybe I don't know the prison system too well.
Okay.
But I'm gonna say breaking and entering, being a...
Wow.
All right, he was incarcerated on two counts of possession
of a control substance and burglary.
Okay.
All right.
Good guess.
Good guess is all around, guys.
Good work.
I'm sorry.
I feel good.
All right.
Here's our next one.
I'm getting a cut off.
Oh.
I'm Katie.
I'm f***ing.
Oh.
F***ing.
All right.
Me. I
Was a gig yeah, it'd be nice
Oh, I really like her she's fun. No, no hold on seriously. Are you guys being serious? Like, okay, we have to choose an inmate. And you saw that, that really.
I like her.
She seems like she's in like sketch.
She's like a UCB chick.
She did a full character.
She did a crazy person character.
And then she was like, seriously, it would be fun.
See, you guys, I thought this would be Dick Kryptonite
to come into it like, like doing a gag.
I'm not rock hard.
I'm just saying that like I thought it's fun,
she's fun.
So you would choose her over the other ones,
the other female inmates we've seen.
So if you have to write somebody, she's your pen pal.
I mean so far, yeah, she'd be near the top.
Dang.
Yeah, I mean this is not far off my wife.
I mean she's kind of, you know, she's doing characters,
being a little silly and then like,
no, I'm just kidding, how was your day?
Yeah, that's what I'm looking for.
I like it too, I just didn't think it was attractive to men.
I thought I'm not like more boring.
Yeah, Joe's hard.
Yeah, so, no, we're secure in our masculinity.
We're happy to be around funny women.
I mean, a lot of men would be like,
ah, get out of here, you're cool.
Yeah, that's what I thought is,
because I'm always so like,
ah, men don't like funny women, you know, generally.
But that's really exciting for me.
That's fun.
That's cool.
She's fun.
All right, what's she in for?
Oh, this bitch is crazy, dude.
She's just fucking,
women are tricky in the system because that's usually a guy,
who, like a bad guy they've dated,
that will usher them into bullshit.
Women are not self starters in the crime world.
In my, you know, drugs, drugs.
Clearly, duh, wait, I want to have to think twice about
that she's on drugs.
I'm gonna say this woman stole a car.
Ooh, whoa.
She is in for drug trafficking.
Yes.
Yeah, oh, she was like taping stuff to her for her man.
Yes, it's the guys that wrote them next up is Manuel
Excuse me manual
Be honest, I'm not really sure what I'm looking for
Honest maybe passed by time bullshit maybe more. I don't know you know what you know if you want to hit me up on JP
Before the board to get in to know now
Anyways have a good day. He's so full. You know what he's lacks so much self awareness
He doesn't even know what he wants. He's lying. He's a manipulator. Yeah, I'm not into it
It repulsed like oh, maybe a friend. Maybe I fuck you like bitch. You know what you want. Yeah, you know what you want
He does a weird thing that I see people in movies sometimes where they hold the phone over the handover.
I don't get it.
And like, why are you covering the mic?
Like if I just did the podcast.
Yeah, it doesn't make it strange.
And you know what else I hate when I-
My father would go,
into the receiver and like, dude, stop.
I also hate when they don't say goodbye.
And when it is and it just hang up,
or when you see somebody.
I'll be there at eight.
Yeah, and when someone says fucking goodbye,
or when they touch their iPhone like this,
you know, I seldom use this.
I do thumbs, right?
You know who does that?
The elderly.
Yeah.
And they also, they close apps like that my mom goes.
Yes, yeah.
Big, sweet.
Yeah, big swoops.
All right, what manual in for? He's such a con artist. Yeah. This guy. Yeah, big swoops. All right, what am I going to end for?
He's such a con artist.
Yeah.
This guy's a real piece of shit.
I'm gonna go big crime.
Cause he didn't say how long he's in,
like he doesn't disclose shit.
Mm-hmm.
I'm gonna say he fucking killed somebody.
Wow.
It's always the nice ones you think are normal
and they're not real.
Yeah, I was thinking this too.
I think this guy has just a lot of things.
I think he's been mixed up in the wrong crowds.
I do think he's a manipulator and a bit violent.
I feel like he's been violent specifically towards women.
I'm gonna say aggravated assault.
Ooh, ag assault.
Can you say?
He's in for possession with intent to deliver.
Oh, I was right.
I was right again.
I feel terrible. I was way on.
I mean, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, I misread the guy.
He says his name a little funny too.
He says, manual.
If you girls think you're crazy, matches,
my crazy, go ahead and send me a message.
You know, maybe up.
Tyson?
Hey, buddy, yeah.
Yeah, no, it's making me, yeah.
Yeah, fuck that guy.
Yeah.
Ha, ha, ha.
I'm a huge fan.
I already like it.
He reminds me of Rob Deerdic.
The skateboarder kind of.
I've got like good vibes.
Yeah.
He's like funny, lighthearted.
Good time.
I like him so far.
He's my pick.
I don't know, man.
I think this man is violent also.
I think I swung a miss on the last one.
I'm gonna say this is a violent man.
I picture him with like a bike chain
hitting somebody with a bike like Max Katie, you know?
Well, I'm gonna go ahead and say this.
Christina, your picker is off.
Joe, very good guess.
Thank you.
He is in for two counts of aggravated battery.
Aggravated a salt with a deadly weapon.
Grand theft auto and robbery.
Wow, that's a bad seed.
Yeah.
Damn, he's the most violent of all the guys we've seen, and he's my favorite.
Yeah, that's a trouble.
Yeah, Christine was like, I'd like to link up with this guy.
I'm all in on Tyson Tyson.
Well, I like this piece.
I'm 23 years old, I'm locked up in Idaho prison.
I'm looking for people to get to know and talk to while I finish my vacation.
I'm gonna get one gay pay if you wanna talk.
Fucking fucking, looking forward to hearing from you.
Okay, so by the way, this is a, I mean,
pretty face, the eyes.
The lightest.
She is one who can seduce and get people to do
men and women what she wants.
That's just my assessment of this person
out of the gate, real massive manipulator.
I really like her way of holding the phone.
She's just doing her own thing, you know?
And she's prison hot.
Yes, she's not really out and about hot,
but like very prison hot.
She's a prison 10.
And by the way, from what I've learned in prison,
it's hard to find makeup.
Like you usually have to do your, you have to like light a match and use the black whatever
part of the match to get the eyeliner.
So she put in a lot of effort, she put an effort into her lighting.
She says she's a seducer.
So hold on, do we like her or the girl that had the sense of humor first?
I still like the other girl better.
This girl's trouble.
I don't trust her.
That's the first part.
Yeah.
Lots of trouble. I don't trust her. That's a problem. I trust her. A lot of trouble.
She's in for a possession of a stolen vehicle
and escaping prison.
Wow.
You're right.
So she can probably manipulate her.
Yeah, what she did was she probably floated her way
until like leave that door open.
I mean, my floating, I mean sucking the guy off.
Yeah, that's what I'd do.
Yeah, that's what I would do too.
I would be sucking off all the fucking
children's relaxers.
Even if it didn't get me out, I would just do it for fun.
Yeah, because it'd be something to do all the time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, well I would do it just to get stuff, like, you know, like
um, and I'll put it on the back.
Good job on that blow job.
Not just that, but like, like, you know,
commissary items are like,
commissary,
comma, commissary items. Yeah, you know, commissary items are like... Comissary. Carp, commissary, yeah.
Comissary items, yeah.
You know, nice underwear, bras, shit like that.
Absolutely.
Well, that was fun.
It's always fun to do prisoner.
Yeah, that was great.
Prisoner dating show.
Do you want to show Joe some of your curation?
Fuck yeah, I do.
Joe, are you familiar with TikTok?
I'm familiar with, I'm not on TikTok.
Which I guess is a big career.
I know, this is what everyone tells me.
For sure, you're a new special.
Yeah, you shop up, put on there.
I know, I really, I got mental problems.
Oh, well, I like to do it.
I like to do it.
You bitches will look at for me.
Well, if you have mental problems, this is the segment of you.
I like to show the outliers in the TikTok community.
The underrepresented.
So for those just listening, this is a man at a salad bar of a nice place
like a whole food and he has the ladle in the soup container
and he's drinking straight from the ladle
and putting it back into the soup.
You know what I love about a video like this?
Is that you know, you show me this man
two seconds later, I'd be like, hello sir.
Yeah. Right.
Good afternoon.
He's so normal looking.
Yeah, hi, snakes.
Yeah.
He's got his bag of bagels or whatever.
How are you?
He's like, you know, they have good soup today.
What's also crazy is it's not that much more difficult
to just put it in one of the cups.
Yeah.
I know. You could steal it without doing it that way.
It's either he's not cognizant, you know, like abilities or
cognitive abilities are kind of going on him or he's just entitled,
then give a fuck.
I think it's entitled and doesn't give a fuck.
I always err on the side of the worst of humanity.
I never, I don't like to give anyone the benefit of doubt.
I think he's a piece of shit.
Selfish con.
How in the world do I survive out here without air conditioning and over 100 degree weather?
Oh, I just stay naked and wet.
Right
right? And then the breeze.
Yeah.
I want to say she's in for assault.
I don't like her at all.
This is what it's like to be a burning man.
Just you know, like it's hot as fuck.
She's not a burning man, but it's horrible.
You know my grandmother used to just wear a wet bathing suit and sit in it in summertime
when she visit us.
I think that's bad for you.
I think that's bad for you.
Of course it's bad.
It gives you a yeast infection.
And she'd be like, I don't even need that condition.
You see, I have that adjust to wet bathing suit.
I'm like, that is so disgusting.
It's gross, too.
This is disgusting.
Just sit in a bucket all day long.
Yeah.
They should get air conditioning.
That's pretty impressive.
For the listening, it's just a guy blowing out candles with his farts and a tube.
I mean...
Oh, he's running out of gas.
Is it Jack or me, this guy?
He's like, I really did so.
Oh, he's like a...
Fuck.
He's winded.
It's like when someone goes do 100 push-ups, he's like, I really distilled. He's like, I'm right. Fuck. He's winded.
It's like we someone goes, do 100 pushups.
He's like 98.
I mean, I, I, I don't know.
And everyone's like, good job, man.
But I feel like you're not as dazzled by this talent.
This is a talent.
It's pretty nice.
No, I am impressed.
I mean, that's, that's very cool.
He did a whole menorah's worth.
Yeah, it was like Japanese Hanaka.
Yeah, that was really, I mean, those farts they feel very queasy to me. I think he has that
Capability to like inhale and exhale. Yeah
Yeah, it's like the people I had a roommate that could like
Fard on command, but he could just draw Aaron, you know
He probably slept with his butt plug in a whole lot. I did if he said he would focus so much when he did it
It's pretty cool. I'm impressed. This guy's got a series of videos
Where he uses his farts to do funny tricks. I think they're wonderful. Well, I mean, thank you for bringing them to our attention
Really you're really doing good work
You guys oh no update I
Didn't get the job
Just got an email.
I'm guessing my appearance had a lot to do with it. No.
Just for people listening, her appearance is her entire
almost upper part of her face is tattooed it.
Yeah.
Full like tattooed it.
Like yeah, Batman mask.
Yeah, not like a design.
It's just tattoo ink.
It's just like when an ink, like a pen just breaks on you.
It's just that on her face., like a pen just breaks on you,
it's just that on her face.
Yeah, it's a real crazy thing.
And what about her that she didn't get the job?
What do you think the job was that she was applying for?
There's not a lot, there's a lot of jobs where they would be like,
nah, customer service, site unseen.
Site, you could be in a back room somewhere.
Yeah, that's true.
That could be a job for her.
Working the phones.
Yeah, I didn't know to waste you that was like.
Sure.
Sex worker, phone, sex worker.
Oh, phone sex.
Yeah, I was thinking more like 1-800, you know, could you help me fix my television?
Yeah, like a stock girl boy.
Yeah, he heard some.
She can work in a warehouse.
Yeah.
Only fans, maybe there's an audience for this?
There is an audience for sure. For sure that somebody's favorite thing. Yeah. Yeah. Only fans. Maybe there's an audience for this. There is an audience for sure.
For sure that somebody's favorite thing. Yeah. Yeah. Sit on the cake with a tattoo on your face. Yeah.
No. That's history. Yeah. It is. Welcome to Austin. Yeah. And she's holding the horse shit in her hands like play down.
Eat it!
This is what the police were spouting too.
She's rolling around in horse shit.
And they're just like, this bitch is crazy.
They're walking right by her.
Go ahead and play in our horse shit.
Oh, she's grabbing it on her face.
Oh, man.
Grabbing it on her face.
This is the 21st century version of the monk who let himself
on fire.
Oh, fuck, dude.
The cops did just walk right on.
They did.
I mean, this person needs an ambulance.
Yeah, what is this?
5150?
She needs to be.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
She's gonna do a push-up, and it did.
How does it feel to be bringing a child
into the world?
Is it exciting?
It's frightening, yeah.
I'm gonna move to the woods, I think,
and just get a bucket of water and sit naked. Yeah, it's cool. It's so, yeah, I'm gonna move to the woods, I think, and just get a bucket of water and sit naked.
Yeah, it's so fucking depressing.
But here's the thing, thank you.
You guys are not thinking this through.
Horace Caca is just made of grass.
There are some people that enjoy the smell of horse poop because it's so natural.
Horse girls love the smell of horseshit.
It's just grass.
So they love the smell of horseshit.
Horse people love the smell of horse caca because's just grass. So they love the smell of horse shit. Horse people love the smell of horse cuckoo
because it's kind of fresh.
They just eat nothing.
They eat plants, dude.
They're herbivores.
They don't eat fucking hot dogs like we do.
This is really upsetting.
They're not eating beet and cheese burritos.
I don't like any of them that you're doing.
This semen sample came all the way from Australia.
I would try to do the accent, but I really can't. Any who are client ordered a beautiful single pearl necklace off the website and we got their
sample in the mail. Now we just have to take the liquid and put it into a powder that's
workable with the clay. We have a special little concoction that we mix with. Oh my god,
you're gonna throw up to try to turn into the powder. Is that what happens to come if you leave it?
So not a lot, because it came such a long way
from Australia to Canada, as you can tell,
the viscosity and the coloring did change a little bit.
However, with our process,
we could epoxy it to a little bit more
of a natural coloring.
That looks like come.
With a little bit of sparkle added.
Once it's completely dried and we're able to grind it
into a super fine powder,
that's when I'm in the machine.
I feel like I need to incorporate it into clay,
shape out the pieces that we want.
Now pieces are complete.
Oh!
When they're done, I don't need to give it
a really nice gloss finish,
but also as a level of protection as well.
And of course, I have some extras for some pre-bees.
So would you do something like this for your wife,
like a nice necklace or earrings?
Yeah, maybe.
I mean, a ring, maybe.
Yeah, a nice cum ring.
Would you like that?
I would love to have your...
Come earrings?
Of course, I love you.
I've made babies with your cum.
And that's true.
Your gizz is part of my DNA.
You want the earrings?
Oh, where'd you get those earrings?
Well, you actually, my husband shot a load into a cup.
And then we sent it to these lovely people in Canada.
Well, that one came all the way from Australia.
I think you guys are grossed out because it oxidized
and changed color.
It was like yellow liquid.
Yeah, it looked like melted butter.
That's not the part that grossed me out.
Maybe if you overnighted it, it wouldn't be so yellow.
Yeah, why'd you have to be so cheap with your com earrings?
You couldn't overnight it, DHL, buddy. It would be so yellow. Yeah, why'd you have to be so cheap with your com earrings?
You couldn't overnight it, the HL buddy.
The earrings made of com are literally less gross to me
than the yellow liquid male com.
Oh.
God.
I love how I'm saying.
So you may have seen this video going around.
Hell yeah.
This hair tattoo, I'm guessing it's going to be a $200.
Now he'll get the job.
And in this case, this is what a $2,000 hair tattoo looks like.
I would say probably worth that. Wow. Which one are you going for Tom? I think I would go for the
200. I like I'd like the the illusion that I have some hair. I like a lot. It looks so believable.
And cool. Looks like it was done with pen. Yeah That is amazing.
You know you got some
You got gel in your hair when it was gone. Well also they didn't brush it like when I brush our boys hair
Yeah, you get a brush and it's unbrushed cool
Illusion I like that. This is the $200 version and then this is too grand
Well, it's a red just makes it look like you you have a days of stubble
But also that the 200 alone. It looks like a stasie haircut.
Like, why is it like Hitler?
I know, it's so fun.
It's so insane.
No.
Why are you doing that?
It looks like a cartoon from the 30s, right?
It really does.
Yeah.
Yeah, you got steamboat Willie here.
Yeah, it's terrible.
Oh, he's making it.
Like, I want to see this guy's face more clearly
so I can know how completely insane this man is.
Yeah, they cut right before they show you
the craziest guy on the planet.
But also, isn't this kind of crazy?
That's amazing.
That looks good.
But that looks good, but like,
would you do that?
Would you go, I have tattooed stubble?
It's kind of a, and you have bald head. Would you do this? Would you go, I have tattooed stubble? It's kind of a, any, you have bald head.
Would you do this?
Fuck no.
Well, and tell me why.
I mean, I bet it doesn't look good
in certain situations too, you know,
like a glare or something would make it look weird as fuck.
Yeah.
It's just, nah man, nah.
Also all that, just for that,
like there's no other option you could have.
Right.
Just the stubble
Yeah, I can't shave it now. Yeah, but this guy looks acceptable But yeah, you can never shave it and you could just get a wig. I mean a wig or a piece or this right here
I mean this is actually his natural
Stubble is probably close to this right now. I'm not sure why you would do this
I'm not sure why you would do this. Look, if I don't shave for a couple of days,
you know, it's a version of this.
You just do that.
You've got a widow's peak.
Maybe you could fill in the widow's peak, you know, with 10.
Yeah, you're right.
All right, I'll do this.
You can use this being sold.
Whoa, I love these guys.
White-tailed lures, guys.
Let me know what's up.
Yeah. Hitting the log., let you know what's up.
Hitting the log.
I don't know what he hit.
No way to be prepared for that guy.
No way.
I'm pretty impressed by that guy.
Yeah, it's a lot of the guys in this lane of like,
yeah, self defense martial arts with inanimate objects.
Yeah.
I like the time he spent.
He got the hat and the glasses.
Yeah, he just broke a whole plates. I I mean you think that's a fucking joke or something
Very serious. See in your jujitsu class. Please think this guy's already he's a natural born black belt
Let's do sure
So this is called a sub-dermal implant. Oh
There should be a hole right here, but they're still swelling it should go down within a week or two
Don't like that.
Just it's right in there.
Incision is right there.
Ah, what is that?
Subdermal implant.
What is that?
So they put in, I'm assuming it's a form of plastic or something that you can put under
the layer of skin so that it just creates.
They're putting their foreheads in their face so it gives the illusion that something's growing in there.
Just for fun.
It's a body modification.
I mean, look at, she's got face tattoos, forehead, teeth
are pretty wild.
I either eye tattoos or contacts.
Now do you think she's normal and bad?
Do you think it's just regular?
She's like, yeah, I like doggy style.
No, I don't like this.
This is bumming me out. Is this a real person?
She's a real thing.
Yeah.
A small tittin' her hand.
Lizard person.
Yeah, yeah, she's got titt hands.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Puffy, and she's like the swelling will go down.
That's wild, dude.
Yeah.
It's also, I mean, is that not dangerous?
There you go.
To fuck with, ugh.
So that makes it look like they're clean on and shit.
And yeah, wow.
I like the spider one.
That's kind of cool.
Now is this the dark web?
Is this considered the dark web?
Look at that spider one.
It looks like there's a fucking tarantula on it.
That's cool shit.
I'm gonna do that.
That one makes at least sense.
It's like a, it's like whoa, look at that.
These ones kind of make more sense to me than you.
I like the ones that get like the horns here,
like little double horns.
That's right guys.
Yeah, that guy's cool.
That's a cool thing going on.
Okay, you think he got the job?
I think they called him and they're like,
guess what, man, good news.
Wait a minute, could you do this to your dick
to make your dick look bigger?
You're always bringing it, I think so.
Like a sheath of transdermal, whatever subdermal.
Like, Leland just trying to help the community
amend that small dick.
Yeah, I think so.
I think you can make it ridged to them.
Yeah, you guys.
That might feel really good.
Rids for the pleasure.
Yeah.
Brought.
Put these bumps in there.
In your dick.
Yeah.
Well, there you go.
Great idea for your lady for her birthday
or for Christmas this year.
Just get a dick implant.
Why not?
Very good suggestion.
I like the idea of getting the ribs on there.
That's kinda cool.
It would feel like you're having a toy, right?
Oh, look.
There it is.
Oh, sure.
My dick wouldn't like that for a period,
but I got it laser one.
He now pearls.
There you go.
And there's a lot of images that are,
they're not even able to see.
Can we unblock?
Oh boy, I'm a little nervous.
Oh, right.
Okay.
They pull back the dick skin, bro.
They cut off the dick skin and they pull,
not wanna see it.
And they put the implant under the dick skin.
YouTube.
Oh, right.
It's educational. This is educational. Yeah, so learning a lot. put the implant under the dick skin? YouTube? Oh, right.
It's educational.
Yeah, so learning a lot.
Let's see the next video.
That's it.
We're good now.
We're going to move it along.
Just a second.
Red dick.
There's no need to worry about that.
People don't believe it until I discard them.
Just because I'm aware of my disorder doesn't mean I don't mess up.
I have a tendency to get excited when I meet new people and end up love bombing them.
These are the kinds of people I probably wouldn't talk to on the street, but I get blinded
by the narc supply.
I literally talk about my personality all the time on social media and people are still
surprised when I act like a sociopath.
I don't realise my own importance in their lives, so when I drop them, they get angry and
I get confused.
Since I don't think it's a big deal, I don't think they should think it's a big deal.
I can't put myself in your shoes, so no, I don't understand every time.
My genuine friends still get worried that I'll drop them, but they don't understand the
lengths I would go to to protect them.
To my audience, is it my fault if they get obsessed or should I be more software?
Her nose looks like an outlet. It looks like you charge your phone in there.
And no blinking. No blinks. No. No. No, she's really interesting.
A lot of makeup. I mean a lot. A lot. Yeah.
Yeah. She's fascinating. She tells you like the tips and tricks of
a sociopath, how to infiltrate male friend groups to get the guy to like you,
stuff like that. She's really, really informed. Really cool. Wow. She's a very
cool person. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for showing us. I'd like to spend some
time with her. Yeah. But she'd be lovely to connect with. I'm always excited
when I find a way that I can replace things that I buy
With things I can make from the land. So today's thing that I'm excited about is my toothbrush
I thought this wouldn't toothbrush for a long time
And I think because it's been sitting outside often because I put my teeth outside at my outdoor sink
That it started falling apart because of the sun. And the little bristles that are coming out
are like plastic or something.
And I'm like, you know,
even if I get another wooden toothbrush,
it's gonna have these plastic bristles.
And it's not ideal for me.
So I started looking up how to make my own toothbrush.
And it just looked like this is like a four minute video.
But, I can't, but don't you like it?
She just uses the stuff off the lamp.
I hate it.
That's the same lady from early. Yeah, yeah, that's how naked and it's outside and I'm cold. Yeah,
so hot. Teeth is quite nice though. Yeah. The person that's brushing with the plastic. Why are you
trying? Fork. Yeah. Fork. And I was reading about how Native Americans brush their teeth and,
you know, I read behind they take a stick and chew the fibers on the end and use those to clean their teeth
and that actually works really well. But then I got the idea.
Oh my face hurts, I love upset your death.
I'm watching that.
Of the yucca leaves.
Oh this is a big roasted.
And I use the yucca plant for so many things, it's unreal.
I make my dish scrubbies out of it and I make my life.
I hate this so much.
I can't even tell you.
Why do you hate living off the land? I'm not into it.
I don't care. I don't want to do it.
I'm not interested in doing it.
Hold on.
I live in modern society, and I like all the modern amenities,
and I don't want to fucking use the Yuka plant
to make my scrubby brush.
Hold on. Can I give you a wood you rather?
Would you rather live in a tiny house?
Go to prison.
Or live with this woman does out in the desert in the desert.
Wait, say, what's the first option?
You have two living scenarios.
Either you live in a tiny house, like one of those little 300 square feet homes.
No, with me, I'm married to you.
You're my partner.
And a children, I'm your partner.
Or you and me and the kids go live out in the dessert with her and you use wooden toothbrushes
and you find.
The fuck out of here.
You don't know the answers.
Who is he?
The tiny house.
Not living with this fucking psycho.
Not with her, like her.
You must live like her.
No, I'm not doing that.
Why does it upset you so much to live off a land?
Hate camping. Is it because it's like poor people things? Is it because it's poor?
No, I just I'm not like there's things that people like and don't like, you know,
typhoon like you're just not really repulsed by living off the land.
I don't want to live off the land. I don't give a shit. I don't care that that's how
our ancestors did it. I don't care that you're good at. I don't give a fuck. I don't want to do it. I don't want to rock line. I don't give a shit about any of that. I don't care that that's how our ancestors did it. I don't care that you're good at. I don't give a fuck.
I don't wanna do it.
I don't wanna rock line.
I don't give a shit about any of that.
I don't care about how you brush your teeth with sticks.
What about hiking?
You like to hike?
I mean, I've been on some hikes.
It's fine.
But on some hikes.
A little dancing.
Yeah.
Joe, what about you?
Tiny house or live off the land and brush your teeth like this woman?
I'd go house.
I also, I like camping until it's time for bed.
I like to camp at a place with, I like to be indoors.
You like sleep on the ground.
Yeah, I mean, I like to camp fire.
I like to, I like to, I like to, I like to, I like to, I like to, I like to, I like to
drink hot tea in the morning and I love hiking.
I like to go outdoors, but I want a bed in some American dishes.
I like to go outdoors. I like, you know, I love hiking. I like the outdoors, but I want a bed in some American dishes. I like the outdoors
I like you know, I love Colorado. I love spending time like but then I like to go to a home. Yeah me too
Yeah, I love a bed a nice. I don't want to I don't want to make a tent and dig a fucking hole
You know what you guys are just like
What do I call it? I know some people are like privilege bro. You don't get it
Guess what here's the thing. I don't want to get it. I'm not interested in getting it. If you have it, you can keep it. You'll never see me there. I'm not interested.
I agree.
I'm not a huge, I might try camping if it weren't hot as shit.
Like, the desert is torture.
I don't know why she's doing this to herself.
There's cooler climates.
You can do this to yourself.
She wants to do this.
She wants to do this.
I wouldn't do the dessert.
I would do colder climates.
I would do this.
I would do this.
I would do this.
I would do this.
I would do this.
I would do this.
I would do this. I would do this. I would do this to yourself. Yes, she wants to do this.
I wouldn't do the dessert.
I would do colder climates or like fuck the jungle.
Like, remember that show alone, Tommy?
Yeah.
Or they're out in like the wilderness.
Like, I would maybe do that.
I want to make it clear, I respect those people.
Yeah.
When I watched alone, you know that concept of that show, they just drop them.
Yeah.
Like in fucking wild, non-habited air in Canada.
And you watch them and it is impressive.
It's impressive that they create homes.
But I'm saying there are just things
that I am not interested in doing either, right?
Like I'm just not interested.
Yeah, I think these people are also a bit unwell too.
But people that are like, I'm out of society,
I'm living the worst.
Everybody on that show was a little off, everybody.
Whatever, guys.
No, they're severely traumatized.
They have a lot of childhood trauma.
It's not the fuckers made this, like in a couple.
It's amazing.
Yeah, it's amazing.
It's amazing, and they usually go down, if not from loneliness,
not the die-hards, but from intestinal parasites,
because they'll eat be further.
They get sick from the living off of the food that they catch.
They usually could do it for them.
But it's like a lot, no, the psychological stuff
has a big impact, too.
That's for the pussies that they need to be.
Even the hardcore ones.
The hardcore ones absolutely get depressed,
because they miss human kind of of even the hardcore ones.
That's like into the wild.
My favorite, my favorite book of all time.
Yeah, he wrote and described happiness is only real when enjoyed with other
different.
For a kid.
How long would you last be, be honest alone in the, how long?
A couple hours.
No, I'm like the isolation bit.
Like in comics, we can also be very isolated
because we've done the road, you know, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I like to isolate, but yeah, for maybe 28, 36 hours,
I like to go, I don't do drive-throughs.
I like to go into Starbucks, get my dope means,
some eye contact, really chat it up, you know.
We need people, guys.
Yeah, we need people.
I can do it for a little while.
What's, but I'm seeing like, give me, give me days.
Wait, what's the most I can push it?
Total isolation?
I think a few days would be my max.
I think I could do three days.
And by the third day I'm talking to myself
like a really crazy person.
Like I'm setting up the volleyball
and putting a hand in front of my eyes.
I mean, even though most hardcore,
I mean, truly hard and prisoners,
I feel like there's not,
they all are like,
there's nothing worse than the whole,
the whole is isolation.
And darkness, yeah.
Well, that's kind of like what you assume with it,
but it's about being isolated.
Oh yeah, yeah.
And they give,
they have no interaction sometimes for 30 days.
That's their place.
And they freak out.
Those guys are like killers and they freak out.
No, it's cool.
Yeah, and you mean, yeah, it's really. That's not, I wouldn't do it to out. That's cool. Yeah, and you mean?
Yeah, it's really.
That's not, I wouldn't do it to anybody.
That guy is the worst.
Here's your last one, it's up to the nice one.
What a spot, other swingers in public,
if you're at a restaurant, if you're at a bar,
if you're out downtown, how do you spot and know
that other people are swingers and how do you go up
and say hello to them or approach them?
You don't, You don't.
Majority of swingers out there are very discreet.
This is a lifestyle that we add a little bit of added spiciness into our relationships.
This is not our entire life.
So when people are out in public, most people don't want to be known that they're swingers.
Most people don't want to be approached that they're swingers.
So when it comes down to meeting others and approaching others,
the really appropriate place to do it is at lifestyle clubs or at meeting greets.
But when you see people who are out in public and you think that they might be
swathe- I like the the softening of the language.
Meeting greets, lifestyle.
You mean fuck parties?
Yeah, they're just horny.
I mean fuck parties with other savages.
You fucking hound.
I know.
Just to approach them can be very offending because again most people in this lifestyle
They don't broadcast to everybody. It's not like cross that where everybody knows that you're a swinger
No, most people enjoy their normal life and every now and then they have a little bit of
Add it to those spider-men that you're out and public and you think someone maybe a swinger or not you go
Hey, you want to fuck? That's how you do it.
But the pineapple is the universal sign
that he's wearing on his head.
And making TikTok.
So he's also a professor pineapple.
Is that right?
Yeah, I mean, that's his handle.
Oh, he likes.
He likes the professor pineapple 1.0.
He talks with his hands way too much in the videos.
It thoroughly irritates me.
And he's too wordy, but he does give valuable information
about the looes though.
Yeah, well I'd love to meet you at a club,
maybe we could fuck, sir.
God.
I mean, you could be my partner for the evening.
Joe, are you a swinger?
No, I'm not a swinger, but I did go to Palm Springs
and there's a lot of swinging there,
and my wife and I watched like a B movie called Palm Swings
right before we went. Nice. And Tia Carrera, is that how you say that? She's in it and it's a really fun
funny movie because it's it's kind of like a soft core porn and it has a fun plot but
I thought they really missed an opportunity to put some levity in there they all put their
keys in a fish bowl and then pick it out and there should have been a moment with no
one gets like a really fat asshole yeah Yeah, sure. You know, but everyone was like really hot, but I feel like in real life
swingers. No, yeah, it's not so much. That's the fantasy. The fantasy is that they're all that hot.
Yeah, then you go and you see the real ones, you know, like, oh, right. Great film though.
Palm swings. Highly recommend. Take a rare. Smoky. Yeah. Yeah.
Really? Yeah. So yeah, I remember.
Jules, everybody has new specials on YouTube called enough for everybody. You can of
course listen to the podcast Tuesdays with stories with Joe and Mark Norman. And also
the you also host a mindful metal jacket where you sit down with fellow comics. You talk about
anxiety into personal feelings. I didn't point out that I saw a fourth of July that
filming you did with Louis C. Kyle. Thanks for watching. Yeah. It was really that was
really good. Oh, thank you did with Louis C. Oh, thanks for watching. Yeah, that was really good, man.
Oh, thank you.
I appreciate that.
Based on your life, like your family, right?
Yeah, pretty autobiographical, yeah.
Yeah.
My mother's, my mother's very nice.
My mother's very nice.
My mother's very crazy.
Yeah, but I mean, I mean, it's cool to see,
well, I love watching comics do it, you know?
Yeah.
And like, you could tell that there's real emotion.
Oh, thank you.
You did a great job.
Oh, I appreciate that.
That's very nice.
You have a fun time working on it.
I had a best time in my life, literally.
I mean, it was amazing.
And we went to Lake George and stayed in a really nice house.
I swam in the lake every morning
and had a bunch of front-tony V and Nick Topolo, Chris Wall.
She was great, and people, yeah.
Bob.
Bobby Kelly, yeah, it was really such a good actor.
I'm happy it's time for my life.
It's been all downhill since then.
Yeah.
Well, that's how it goes.
But check that out, too, if you haven't seen Fourth of July.
And thanks for coming, man.
Yeah, thanks for having me.
I appreciate the hospitality.
It was a lot of fun.
We'll see you guys next week.
Bye, mommy. guys next week. Bye Mommy. It means we're at very high number, Silicon, here at near the end, Lunga, other might have been
making a poison stronger, and taking a big enough younger.
I think I've been seeing so much that, he's living in the create a theater, he comes from the
bank with great idea that, here are many good things, don't be a theater, and be
good with my cousin, that's lies, but it's even too much of what the open-night, you know
what you get for a fraction of the price? You did it for the intellectual
The robbers, the thieves, one of the thieves
I'm the case we have a double tools
But now that's a price, price lies on the rise
Think of any kind is revitalized
Oh yes, one thing I have to do
Cocomba can also help with life
But now it's a price
Cocomba
You're very handsome
You're my fresh life. Go Homeba.
Whoa, thank you.
What's going on?
Go Homeba.
What's going on?
I've been having a cucumber.
Where?
Eat cucumber.
Yeah.
Thank you, go over to the next one.
It looks better.