Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Steph Tolev is NAUSEATED By Cool Guys | Your Mom's House Ep. 814

Starting point is 00:00:00 Get ready Milwaukee, I'll be filming my live special taping of my Come Together tour in Milwaukee on Saturday, November 15th at the Riverside Theater. Get your tickets to the special taping during the pre-sale today at 10 a.m local time with the code word Tommy. I'll also be in Atlantic City, New Jersey next weekend for two shows at Hard Rock Live at EUS Arena on Friday, June 20th and Saturday, June 21st. Tickets and all info are at tomscigurra.com slash tour. Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. Whether it's a family member, friend or furry companion joining your summer road trip, enjoy the peace of mind that comes with Volvo's legendary safety.

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Starting point is 00:01:15 Don't forget her new special comes out June 24th on Netflix. It's called Filth Queen. Please welcome Steph Tolan everybody. Yay! Thank you. Steph, you look amazing. I've shed a couple LBs.

Starting point is 00:01:30 Yeah, you're in the best shape. Put down the hot dogs, put down the old chipperinis, and here we are. You look fit. I thank you, I am strong. Strong as hell. Yeah? I think so, my legs are strong.

Starting point is 00:01:44 You like the weight training? I hate it. Okay. This morning, working out at my hotel, bragging, a woman was doing yoga and her husband was in there watching her. Just jerking off? No, like waiting for a man to look at her

Starting point is 00:01:56 and I was like, buddy, she's a butter face over here so I don't know what you're looking at. No one's coming in here talking to her. She was like really protective? Yeah, and it was weird, Cause her face was so ugly. I feel so bad saying it, but it was hideous. And her body, I was like, God, what a waste. Great bod.

Starting point is 00:02:11 Great bod, apps. But or like what an improvement. Cause if I think if I had an ugly face, I would be working on the bod a lot more. Excuse me. What do you think I'm over here working out? I literally, my main reason was to lose weight for the special.

Starting point is 00:02:24 Cause I was like, I honestly, God didn't want people to say That I was fat ugly and a trans and I was like I could be the two Let's get fat out of there Ugly trans keep it in get the fat the fuck out of it. It's so great to recognize You're beautiful but to recognize that when you know the shoots coming up because yeah when I had I shot it the series when you know the shoots coming up because when I had the I shot a the series back in October It was like midsummer last year and I was like, oh I gotta fucking dial it in. You're fit. You're very fit I've gained since we wrapped I've gained 10 12 pounds

Starting point is 00:02:55 Oh shit, because I like I was so determined to try to like lean down. I know I gotta do it again I just have to stay in that place of self-loathing and restraint all the time. It's good for you, mentally it's good for you. But I go back and forth between self-restraint, I'm not doing anything bad, and then I just go up, now I'm drinking wine every night. The wine is so good. And then, you know what I mean, five days later,

Starting point is 00:03:17 I'm like, ah, I should rein it in. Is that what everybody does? It is, but it's also, I feel like as a woman at this age, you have one piece of me and you're fucking swollen. I'm like, the next morning I have my double chin's back. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing right now? What's your favorite food? Oh, fuck ravioli.

Starting point is 00:03:33 Oh. Suck back some Chef Moirity right now, put it in a bowl. The canned kind? Oh yeah. You're trash. I'm disgusting. Yeah, I like that one too. But you like pasta, right?

Starting point is 00:03:42 Yeah, but like, but no, meats, a steakhouse, I fucking fuck with a steak and a Bernese sauce. I love a dip, I love a sauce. Sauce. Gravy. French food? French rich buttery sauces. Oh my fresh, old buttery dippies.

Starting point is 00:03:55 Bu blanc. Dippy dippies. Yeah. Yeah, your Canadian treat. What's your favorite? Well, poutine, it's disgusting. Yeah. It's just good.

Starting point is 00:04:02 Do you like Norm's famous poutine? No, I haven't had that one. You haven't had that one. You haven't had that? No. Oh my God, I'll pull it up for you. We have a whole video of how he makes it. It's unbelievable.

Starting point is 00:04:11 Is it good? Yeah, it's really good. Or is it some weird video of a guy pulling cheese curds out of his peahole? No, it's delicious. You did this to me last time. I'm like, oh, what is this? And it was some man getting ass-railed.

Starting point is 00:04:20 And I was like, I hate whatever this is. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, it is you guys. No, no. We've matured. It's changed a lot. Okay. Yeah, we've changed a lot.

Starting point is 00:04:31 I'm waiting for a dick to be one of those fries right now. I'm just waiting for it. Just before, oh God, we'll do a whole poutine thing here in a minute, I love poutine. It's so good. I think the first time I had it was like when I went for the Montreal Comedy Festival. Yeah, me too. I hadn't even ever experienced it. I was like, oh shit, this is fantastic.

Starting point is 00:04:48 Because you need the squeaky curds. That's the main thing. Yeah. Squeaky curds and you need the like beef gravy. I like that gravy. The gravy's good. Do they put on anything else? They should put on like pasta. Mmm.

Starting point is 00:04:58 Can they put it on pasta? I don't know, dude. That'd be nice. Especially when you're drunk walking around. Oh, the Belle Provence, that disgusting place where the men that work there are like wet. Like they go to like punch it and their fingers like slip off the captures.

Starting point is 00:05:10 They're so, like you could ring their dicks out. They're all like a pile of oil. Oh yeah, the pores are so deep. It's so gross. Good food. Oh, it's delicious. See, the hot dog poutine. Did you go to Montreal a lot as a like growing up

Starting point is 00:05:23 or was that kind of like, yeah? Yeah, because you could drink younger. You could drink at at 17 doesn't it feel crazy even though you're from like I always felt when I went there you're like, oh, I feel like I'm 4,000 miles away. It doesn't feel like it doesn't feel like you're anywhere No, it was a five-hour drive from Toronto. So my parents let me borrow my car We go when I was 16 we'd lie and say we're 17 and get into all the bars amazing Oh, yeah, and I was quite a little kissy kissy. Those French boys didn't care about the nose. They liked the old French snorzorino. I was getting fingered left, right, and center on those bars.

Starting point is 00:05:50 Yeah. Oh yeah, just fingers. I wasn't, I was, I'm not gonna go all the way, but I'll let them finger me in a dark alley. Yeah, that's sweet of you. It was cold, I kept their fingers warm. Yeah, of course. You're so thoughtful.

Starting point is 00:06:02 I'm a nice gal. That's what I did. Fingers warm could be a good name. Finger warmer? Finger warmer? Yeah. I'll do that for my hustler shoot. Put your fingers in here, boys. Warm them up.

Starting point is 00:06:12 Oh my god. We've been talking about this so before we got on camera, you're going to do a hustler shoot. I am. Legs spread. Ankle's over the head. Let's look up some poses for you to practice. If I did legs over the head, I would become a paraplegic.

Starting point is 00:06:25 My legs would never go back down. I swear to God, if you locked my legs back there, we're screwed. Why don't you do one of those two-cock poses? You know what I mean? That I can do. I can do two cocks. I don't know if my boyfriend would love that.

Starting point is 00:06:35 I can do two cocks. I'm not doing a full spread. Well, let's discuss what you're gonna do. Should we plan? I mean, we don't. I will say. What about on the knees? Knees is good.

Starting point is 00:06:44 Looking back. No. Right, hold on the knees? Knees is good. Looking back, right? Hold on. By? Looking back and spreading one cheek. So you spread with one hand. See the butthole? Butthole, yeah, butthole is fine. No, I can't be showing my anus as a mess.

Starting point is 00:06:54 We were talking about the bathroom. I got hemorrhoids, there's a whole thing. That's not hustler. What is that? If that's hustler, I'm fucked. No, we want hustler. That woman on the beach, sand in your pussy. Do you know how many sand fleas are down there?

Starting point is 00:07:05 It's upsetting. But you have to think about how your thighs look. Like when you're on your knees, my thighs don't look great. My legs are my only good quality. Oh, so I can slop around the legs. It's the pussy and the tits and the ass and the asshole that are the problem. It's everything else that's the problem.

Starting point is 00:07:20 So maybe we'll just do just legs. We could do these. Some of these are okay. Okay, yeah, like the forward lean with the boobs. I can push the boobs forward. That's nice. That's nice. Look, somebody else in a one piece.

Starting point is 00:07:30 Give me a one piece. What about that? Look, do you have a nice push? That one without one piece. Can you do that one with the dropping? I can do the dropping. I can do the no pussy out. This is nice.

Starting point is 00:07:38 All right, it's just covering. I mean, I need a little bit more fabric there. I'll tell you that. Can I just see a little lift? Everybody's tits look good like that. That's why that's a good pose. Yeah, that's pushy, pushy. Yeah, yeah, that need a little bit more fabric there, I'll tell you that. Can I just see a little lift? Everybody's tits look good like that. That's why that's a good pose. Yeah, that's pushy pushy, yeah, yeah, that's a good pose. Can we see a little more hardcore?

Starting point is 00:07:51 Yeah, let's see what I'm up against here. Let's see a little bit more anus. Spread? Yeah, the spread, also, wouldn't need to do it with the spread, one hand spread. But take cover out of there. Okay, these ones are okay.

Starting point is 00:08:05 Poses like hustler magazines. So there is tits, yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll be pretty, you look pretty. She's just, why are her tits wet? Because they look better when they're oiled up. They do look oiled up, they look nice oiled. Oh, how about that, with the leg spread right there? Do I bring in my own oiler?

Starting point is 00:08:21 Oh, that's nice. What's the leg spread? Like that. That's nice, Steph. Oh my god.er? Oh, that's nice. What's the legs spread? Like that. Oh my god. Just do that. That's nice. You know everyone's going to talk about your chute. Everyone's going to talk about it.

Starting point is 00:08:31 I do that. I will lose every fan I've ever had. No. Or you'll gain some. I'll gain ones that I don't want. Oh, there's Jules Ventura, yeah. But that's a hard pose for me to do. That wouldn't be flattering for me.

Starting point is 00:08:42 That's all my labia will be dragging on the floor. That pose is absurd. Do you That wouldn't be flattering for me. That's all my labia would be dragging on the floor. That pose is absurd. Do you have a heavy labia? Yes, I'd be peeking around. Or like where you're holding your leg up. See how that one there, she's holding her leg up like that. That's nice.

Starting point is 00:08:53 But look at that vagina. I call that the old two lines in a hole. That's nice. There's not a lot of- The old two lines in a hole. Does she have a hemorrhoid? She's got a pimple by her asshole. No, they'll airbrush out the hemorrhoids. Yeah

Starting point is 00:09:06 They didn't for her That's that's really sweet. That's a nice Sweet it does look childlike. There's a nice you know, what is the lighting? You should practice now your angles and finding Crane. Get the camera in a crane, hover it over a street view. Oh, angles are, yeah. Way up there. Way up there. They're going up.

Starting point is 00:09:31 Imagine seeing your butt hole. There you go! There you go, that's what you gotta do. Okay, that one I could do. Everything's covered. You gotta do that. No panties, no bra, but like just like that. I have a hairy ass. I'm gonna have to wax everything. That's fine. This is gonna be a lot.

Starting point is 00:09:40 Yeah, you better before the shoot. I know, what am I thinking? Yeah, you gotta do it. Start growing it out now. Everything waxed. Dude, that's gonna be a lot. This is gonna be a lot. Yeah, you better before the shoot. I know, what am I thinking? Start growing it out now. Everything waxed. Dude, that's gonna be so cool. Is it just you or can you have a male partner in it? I think it's just me.

Starting point is 00:09:51 Just you. You and your butthole, nothing else. Yeah, I just put a mustache in too. That is my asshole. Me and my partner. There he is. Dude, if you put little, if you did a little like the groucho thing

Starting point is 00:10:03 on your asshole. On my asshole? That's, I'll do that. That's funny. That is funny. You will go viral. She did a little like the grout show thing on your asshole. Oh my God. I'll do that, that's funny. That is funny. You will go viral. That is, oh my goodness gracious. How does she do that?

Starting point is 00:10:14 That's rad. Wow. She's awesome. That's, how about the first? That kind of looks like you. I know right? That's me right now. I was like is that you?

Starting point is 00:10:21 The girl to the right, the double, look at that. Perfect. The two of them. The two of them, just, two gals hanging out. You know what the funny thing is? Just two girls, two girls goofing off. This could be you and me, Bernetta, let's do it. Come do it with me. Everybody in this pose is happy.

Starting point is 00:10:35 Look at all the, they're always happy. Are they? They look kind of like if you zoom in, they look like they're really struggling. No, they look so calm, I was gonna say. I think they look like they're strained a bit. They love it. Very bizarre. I'll take the pillow underneath my body. Yeah. Look, that looks crazy. God, but holes are so gross. You and I should recreate this. Oh God, look at that. It's so open. I tell you something. I hate. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is.

Starting point is 00:11:05 I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is.

Starting point is 00:11:12 I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is.

Starting point is 00:11:19 I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace, the ultimate platform for entrepreneurs who want to thrive online. Whether you're starting out or growing a brand,

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Starting point is 00:13:32 No, do we have the piece? Tom, do you have the piece? I don't know what that piece is. It looks like a larynx. What is the piece, babe? It looks like if you're gutting a chicken, there's like a piece in there. You know, you're focused so much on the cooch and her butthole. Look at that tit situation going on. I didn't even notice Step you should practice your spread if you choose to do it

Starting point is 00:13:49 I'm not far you gonna spread this you're doing toys one in your ass and one in your vagin one in your mouth You got to start practicing. It's gonna really stress you out. Oh god No, I'm healthy. It'll be you want to do this after I get my new tits. Yeah, I'm gonna heal a little bit Yeah, you can have fresh cuts. No, and then I'm gonna do this. What do you think? Oh, it's a fucking great idea Everyone will know at school for the boys. They'll be like, hey, I saw your mom Great spread. What are you doing? This is a great thing. You can give it to their teachers for Christmas. We can everybody. Yeah Yeah, yeah. So one of these chicks has definitely at least signed it like, hey, Merry Christmas.

Starting point is 00:14:28 Actually, I know somebody who did a very provocative shoot in Playboy and she signed a bunch and gave it to her dad for her dad to give his employees. Huh, so think about that too. Well, I don't wanna think about that. I actually hate that and now I'm like, I'm for sure covering everything up. I actually hate that and now I'm for sure covering everything up.

Starting point is 00:14:46 I'm scared my tits are gonna come out when the special comes out. Because I've sent these jugs off. Don't forget, Filth Queen, June 24th on Netflix. Oopsies. And Steph will be spreading her butthole for your entertainment and the hustler very soon. No I won't.

Starting point is 00:15:02 But yeah, these jugs are coming out for sure. Your generation, you guys have all sent around your body. At this point, is there even any shame to that? Well, there should be, because it was never, I was always like a double chin in it, or like I had a tit hair. Like I was never like, I wasn't prepping them. I wasn't oiling them up.

Starting point is 00:15:18 Yeah, you should oil them up. We didn't even play our opening clip. Oh my God, we were just so, We should gab in. We had too much fun, right? Here you go I'm gonna put some conflict in your booty with some milk. Oh Yeah, I'm trying to tell you You give me nice, you know, that's for you that milk in conflict in your booty

Starting point is 00:15:44 Megan the diet you next Oh Conflict raising brain he's a boy in your booty Who is Randy don't bring anyone love into this Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Tom Segura. And Christina Pujic. Nigga mona. Welcome to your mom's house. Why are you trying to turn on Steph?

Starting point is 00:16:18 See, that's the guy, that's what I'm going to have liking me after. I don't want that after my spread. He also, putting milk in, unless you have hot sauce in your asshole, you can't be putting milk in there. It's true. Milk is hot. You wouldn't like to have cornflakes eaten out of your butt? I'm good.

Starting point is 00:16:38 I really don't like, ass eating is... Really? I mean, you have to be scrubbed. Yeah. This is the longest intro I've ever heard in my life. Does it keep going? I was like, can I talk yet? It's four hours. It's 15 years of the same intro.

Starting point is 00:16:51 That long? Yeah, every single episode. Huh. Maybe I was nervous last time. This time I'm like irritated. I'm like, can we wrap up the whole thing? I ain't gonna talk about my asshole. It's so long.

Starting point is 00:17:01 It is so long. It's so long. Yes. No edits, huh? What is it, three minutes? Yeah, it's pretty long. Pretty long. long. It's so long. Yes. No edits, huh? What is it, three minutes? Yeah, it's pretty long.

Starting point is 00:17:07 Pretty long. Still going. It's still going. He's always into eating stuff out of girls' butts. That's his thing. I'm going to lick your booty. I'm going to put a whipped cream in there and a banana and the banana split. Y'all know what's a banana split.

Starting point is 00:17:23 Yeah. And then he goes, I'm going to crush up some corn chips. You're like, that's not even a banana split. No,all know what's a banana split. Yeah, and then he goes, and then he goes, I'm gonna crush up some corn chips. You're like, that's not even a banana split. Oh, he's getting carried away. Yeah, he gets really carried away. But he's very thin. He's not an eating guy. So what is this food thing?

Starting point is 00:17:34 Maybe no one's, let him do it. No, actually I was with him when he did it to somebody. Are you serious? Yeah, I flew out. You met this man in person. I flew to. No, you didn't. I swear to God, I flew to Lafayette, or where was it? Yeah, right? Louisiana. To meet this man in person. I flew to... No you didn't. I swear to God. I flew to Lafayette or where was it?

Starting point is 00:17:46 Louisiana. To meet this man. And then we had a girl came in the room and he put a banana and corn chips and ice cream in her ass and they ate it all out. She opened it up. I mean... More closed. You know.

Starting point is 00:18:00 Are people not worried about yeast infections anymore? If a little bit of dairy would even near, if I don't wear cotton underwear, I'm scratching for three weeks. Of course. I don't know what to tell you right now. We're airing out right now, baby. I got a, we're not slopping in a fucking corn chip. Yeah, I know. It's crazy.

Starting point is 00:18:15 Crazy. It's gross. It's disgusting. But I could also, if you're, I mean, you're seeing someone, if you're not, I could hook you up with him. My boyfriend is so hot, that is, and he's real, that is alarming. Wait, tell me about your up with him. My boyfriend is so hot, that is, and he's real, that is alarming. Wait, tell me about your boyfriend.

Starting point is 00:18:27 I love my boyfriend so much. He's, okay, you know Shooter McGavin from Happy Gilmore? Of course. Yeah. It's his nephew, and they look exactly alike. Bring him up. Really? Bring up Jefferson McDonald. Bring him up. Yeah, full name, I don't know if I'm allowed to say it.

Starting point is 00:18:40 Jefferson McDonald. I love him so much. How long have you been seeing him? A year and a half. There he is, there's my lover. Wow, oh my God. Exactly like him. He looks, it's so fucking crazy. So I met him at The Laugh Factory.

Starting point is 00:18:55 He's a singer, he's a piano player. He opens for me now on the road and he opens for my pussy, my asshole. Not my asshole, it's a mess back there. But he's a very sweet boy and I met, he was at a show with Shooter at the Laugh Factory in LA and I was fan girling over Shooter and he was with him and I was like, who's this?

Starting point is 00:19:16 Dude, he really looked- It's bizarre. It's like, how do uncles look that much like they're fucking, it's crazy. Maybe they're not uncles. I thought, his dad looks like him, his it's they have the same mouth. Yeah. Did you grow up did you have a boner? Well yeah. I hate to break the idea. I did there he is he threw my pockets. I um I really did. That's why when I met. Look at us. Look at us. A cute couple. He's a real

Starting point is 00:19:44 Aryan dazzler. I know, you know why? I always liked a real white guy because my baba always was like, Mary Bulgarian, keep it in the family. And I was like, ugh, I don't want anything like this. I don't want anyone looks like anyone in my family. They're all hideous people.

Starting point is 00:19:58 No any Bulgarians, enough hair on my body. We don't need more hairs. Come here, binding up here. It's disgusting behavior. And you met at the club, how long ago? About a year and a half ago. Oh wow. Almost two years, yeah. I know, he moved in with me right away, three months.

Starting point is 00:20:11 Whoa. Oh yeah. Three months? Oh yeah, he's flying in right now to see me. And you live in LA together? Literally the other, he was on a cruise ship in Japan for three weeks. And let me ask you this, is he American? He's American, so if I fail my citizenship test.

Starting point is 00:20:25 So she's testing soon. I know. I am. I'm gonna tell you, they're gonna ask you, they're gonna ask you to write a sentence in English. Any sentence. You gotta know the president, the vice president. I'm gonna say, I heart Donald Trump.

Starting point is 00:20:38 I'm gonna wear a Make America Great hat. You should. I'm wearing it in there. Let's test you on a few things. Oh God, okay. This is embarrassing, I'm stupid. No, we're gonna test you for your few things. Oh, god. OK. This is embarrassing. I'm stupid. No, we're going to test you for your quiz.

Starting point is 00:20:47 We're preparing you. This is it. We're going to try to write the answer down, too. You might be wrong, too. I'm so stupid. When was the Constitution written? Fuck. Oh, 1776.

Starting point is 00:20:57 No. 1772? No. 1985. No. Constitution. Not when was the country founded. 1862. Columbus, South the Ocean. Did you know what when was the country 18. Founded to Columbus.

Starting point is 00:21:07 Did you know what it was? 14. OK, are you ready? Yes. 1787. 1787. Nobody knows that they're not going to. 17.

Starting point is 00:21:15 I was close. They're not going to ask you that. Don't don't rely on that. They're going to ask you the most basic shit. OK, trust me. Dum-dums. That's hard. Does anyone know that? Listening 1787. They're going to ask you. What do the stars and stripes represent on the flag? the most basic shit. Okay. Trust me, dumb-dumbs past this. That's hard. Does anyone know that?

Starting point is 00:21:25 Listening, 1787. They're gonna ask you, what do the stars and stripes represent on the flag? States and colonies. All right, here's one that could get you. Ready? Okay. Who is the father of our country?

Starting point is 00:21:36 George Washington. Good. Oh, I like to call him, mm, papa, mm, Michael Jackson. Puppy, puppy, mm. Uh, when is flag day? Who the fuck? Oh, June, it's in June.

Starting point is 00:21:47 Yes. I've read these cards a lot. Okay, okay, good. See, I'm American. What is the largest state? Texas. No. California. No. Alaska.

Starting point is 00:21:57 Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, damn it. I should have got that. See, I'm failing. That's three wrong already. You're doing great. Should Canada be the 51st state? Yes. Good answer.

Starting point is 00:22:09 I know that's not the question. I would say no normally, no offense, but that's not a question. No, it's not. You added that one in, asshole. I did, because they might just add it. They might, and I'll say Canada sucks. Burn them all. Burn my whole family alive. I don't care. What is the political party of the president now Republican? Yeah good see you're good. I'm good. That's a couple more couple more

Starting point is 00:22:30 Okay, how many states are in the United States 50? I know that's why I thought 50 too. That's why but that says 50 so I'm not getting confused. It's 50, baby It's 50. Are you sure? Why is there 52 stars then? Are you thinking of playing cards? Oh. There's not 52 stars. It's 50, 50 stars, okay. So I gotta write.

Starting point is 00:22:51 Who elects Congress? The people. Fuck. The blue ones are easy. Oh they are? Yeah, that's why I know the blue ones. The red ones are hard. Oh okay.

Starting point is 00:22:59 So who wrote the Declaration of Independence? Your mother. Who the fuck wrote it? Do you know that? Yeah, but also don't disrespect these questions. Oh my God. the Declaration of Independence. Your mother. Who the fuck wrote it? Who know? Do you know who wrote it? Yeah, but also don't disrespect these questions. Oh my god. You're a guest in this country.

Starting point is 00:23:12 Wait, is it a person's name? Yeah. Hold on. John? C. Reilly? Tom? Thomas Jefferson? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:22 Yes. I need you there pointing. The point helped me. Okay, now you're gonna get this one. Okay, here we go. When was the Declaration of Independence adopted? Did I already say the number? You, yeah, you had it earlier. Okay, 17, no, 17, you did that now, I think,

Starting point is 00:23:39 I have to stop, 1772, 1776? Yeah, yeah, and which specific date? A full date? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a, come on. Oh, July 4th? Yeah. 1776, okay. Yeah, you got it, man.

Starting point is 00:23:50 Okay, okay. Dude, welcome to America. Welcome to America. Try kicking me out now, Trump. Please don't. I've tried so hard. I've worked so hard to get here. Well, look, let's shift it to something Canadian.

Starting point is 00:24:03 So we told you, poutine, huge hit. Yes. Great, fantastic food. Hello. I fucking do it. Today we're gonna make French Canadian poutine fries. The fuck? What are poutine fries?

Starting point is 00:24:15 Well, poutine fries are basically your fries, cheese, and a great appetite. Yeah. What on God's green earth am I looking at right now? This is Norm Semberton. However, there's going to be a bit of a change to the recipe. Everybody likes to change the recipe. No, they don't.

Starting point is 00:24:32 These ones are going to have fries, cheese, pig shit, and pig piss. Ooh, it's going to be a treat. He's Canadian too, bud. No, don't, don't. He's from Calgary. Well, that makes sense. Keep those... Oh no.

Starting point is 00:24:50 Does it come out? Penis comes out. Oh my god! What's... Wait, what is it? It's in a cage. I can't look at this, actually. This is grotesque. No, he doesn't poo

Starting point is 00:25:06 no you're not even proud to be. Watch this! Watch this! I can't. I can't. You don't want to. Oh my god, I hate you guys. Oh, I hear you. Is it done yet? Oh, god. It's so creamy. God. This is the best part.

Starting point is 00:25:32 No, I can't. I can't. The fact that you've already watched this is making me sick. What's that? Some cheese. French Canadian portion here. I don't know why it's worse than the rest of it. Somehow that-

Starting point is 00:25:43 Oh, god. He doesn't eat it. I'm not even able to throw up. Does he eat it? No, I can't. No. No,'t know why it's worse than the rest of it. I somehow that oh God, he doesn't need it. I'm not gonna be able to throw up. He did like you know, just look it's I can't look Why is it still going? Why are all your clips so long? I'm sad she was thrown off. That's so bad. It has to stop. It actually has to stop. I can't, you know what? I can't. This show is sponsored by Liquid IV.

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Starting point is 00:27:15 with the code YMH at liquidiv.com. Here, here's an American. Have you ever seen a super strong guy? No, he's gonna break something. I hate these videos. Did he crack this fucking cement thing? No, he's gonna do something bad to his body. This is horrendous.

Starting point is 00:27:31 Stop lying to me. It's not, I promise, look. No, I can't. I'm gonna watch your reaction. Here's what I swear. No, I can't. No, it's something bad. It's a bone's gonna...

Starting point is 00:27:41 Yes, it is! I promise. I'm watching your face. It's really nice so far. No. It's nothing, Steph. It's just bone's gonna, yes it is! I promise. I'm watching your face. It's really nice so far. No. It's nothing, Steph. Just watch. No, it's, I can't, I hate this shit.

Starting point is 00:27:53 He just gives up. That's it? That's the clip? I told you, yeah. I don't believe anything you say, I trust you. Okay, what is this? Oh, that was bad. You know what, I need to watch that video once a week now

Starting point is 00:28:04 so I don't eat anymore. There's Norm, he used to be a mortgage broker in Canada. That's terrifying. If you trusted that guy with your finances and your mortgage and then you found out that's what he had underneath that tongue? And then you find out it's like a chef who's making all these crazy.

Starting point is 00:28:17 Yeah, a chef. No. Yeah, let's call that a Canadian chef. Yeah. You ever go to the keg? That's what they, that's an appetizer at the keg. What a difference a head tattoo makes too, huh? Jesus Christ.

Starting point is 00:28:29 It does make a lot. You can tell. No, you can tell by the soulless eyes. He's got no lids, they're dry as hell. Ew. He looks way different now. I hate that man. Like that, the poutine video?

Starting point is 00:28:43 I hate him so much. No, I'm actually like really upset right now. That's him now. No, he's a that man. Like that, the poutine video? I hate him so much. No, I'm actually like really upset right now. That's him now. No, he's a bad man. Underneath it with the pig. See how it says. What the fuck is his problem? That's him now.

Starting point is 00:28:54 He got the tattoo pig on his forehead. Why is he so sick about pigs? He likes being like a submissive to a couple doms, so. Those doms better be getting paid millions upon millions of dollars to go near that man. I think they're getting anything they can get out of him. The smell that radiates off of that pig pissing clown, I can't.

Starting point is 00:29:14 What's crazy is what you're saying right now is making him so hard. I know, did you watch this? I don't know. No, he can't look at my hustler's friend. You should try tit cups for hustler. Tit cups. Just show her what we're talking bread. You should try tit cups for Hustler. Tick cups. Just show her what we're called with tit cups. I saw the tit cup.

Starting point is 00:29:27 I saw they swelled them up, they pushed them in. So he doesn't have his boobs down, he just puts them in these cups. That looks nice. That's a nice angle. His pig, Norman Summerton. Full name. Tick cups.

Starting point is 00:29:39 Summerton, good. He's for seven hours now today. Seven hours, can you do that? This man, this is a bad man. I hate this man more than I've hated anybody. Good. Seven hours now today. Seven hours, can you do that? Yeah, isn't that crazy? This is a bad man. I hate this man more than I've hated anybody. No, he's not a bad guy. He's just got different interests.

Starting point is 00:29:51 He's a sweet guy. Different interests. Yeah, this is hot. Look at these teacups come off. And also in drinks. I know they come off in they. Seven hours. It's a long time.

Starting point is 00:30:01 Oh, the sound of his armpit was stuck in that pit. Isn't that great? I mean. You're a stupid fucking pig, eh? Look at these titties, eh? Look at these titties. Titty, titties, titties, titties, titties. He loves this. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:16 He really does. I love the weight of them. It's crazy that you're not a fan of a really well-known Canadian celebrity. I, stop. Celine Dion, that's this. They're on par. Is that her, that was her old husband? Yeah all right let's enough upsetting you Annie I got something for you. I don't Tom.

Starting point is 00:30:34 No this I can get behind. Ooh that's a nice salmon filet. It's a little bit of leche. I like the light milk. There we are. Gotta get those super soft brioche buns. Can't forget about a super nice delicious cake here. I'm joking. I'm not getting that. Dude, that was funny. A couple boxes of those. Hey, does this bother you? Whatever. Yeah, go ahead. Those shorts are crazy. They're crazy. No, it's full anus. Or just don't wear pants. But this is what gay guys do. They just advertise it so hard. Those pants are just like, at this point, I'd rather a bare ass.

Starting point is 00:31:10 We're used to seeing women in shit like this at this point. Women wear stuff like this all the time. I love this. I think more gay men should wear this. Look at that ass. Put some yogurt here, team. This stuff's the bomb. It's so good.

Starting point is 00:31:20 These little Chio Bonnies here. Let's yell Bonnie. Let's see the front. Let's see the front. Oh's see the front the other front small He's he's wearing a thong. Oh Is it tucked in? Oh? Yeah, this ass is insane. That's his real ass. I think those are implants. No those might be implants because they're so feminine They're so round

Starting point is 00:31:42 That's a little Canadian, okay, Canada made down here, he said. Canada made down here. Oh, the maple cookies. With our maple cookies. Yeah, I know those fucking cookies. Canadian products, clearly. They're just like an asshole kind of, too. I'm looking for it.

Starting point is 00:31:53 Those are beautiful all of them. Those are definitely implants. He does have a thong on, doesn't he? Huh? Does he have a thong on? Or he's wearing nothing at all. Yeah. He's got a G string on under.

Starting point is 00:32:01 The most important ingredient. Tiniest weasel. Mario? Oh, buddy, can't forget my peanut butter. Oh, there it is. And there was the shake. And then there's Eddie shaking his head. I bet, I bet this guy doesn't get shadow banned

Starting point is 00:32:15 on TikTok the way I do. And that's a full asshole. And I even say, I say Anewees and I'm blocked for like three months. Yeah. And that guy's full a-hole is in a fucking crowded grocery store.

Starting point is 00:32:26 It's insane. It's crazy. How's that allowed? You're right, it should stop. He should be banned. I agree. He wants him kicked out. He's not eating peanut butter if his ass looks like that

Starting point is 00:32:36 because that's a firm ass. See, this is one of those people that can consistently self-loathe. Like, so what is it about these types that can just stay fit all the time? They don't fall into five day long benders. Because I think once you get to this body, once you're at that jacked up, I think you're just like, it's like a new drug.

Starting point is 00:32:55 Yeah. You're high. You're high on your fucking abs. You're like, roided out. You're all fucking... And plus it's reaffirmed all day, right? Because you step out of your house looking like that and everyone's like, yo, all day, right? Because you step out of your house looking like that and everyone's like, yo, like all day. And so you go, if I dial it back, I'm gonna stop getting this positive affirmations of like, wow, everyone's saying wow to you. Oh yeah, asking how you get like that,

Starting point is 00:33:16 what is your workout, oh yeah, he's getting a lot of attention. But then it also has to consume a lot of your life. Going to the gym, if people go, I have an hour, that's it. I hit the hour cap and I'm like, I hate this. You have to go. Yeah, of course. One hour, that's enough. When people spend like their whole lives in the gym, it's like, it's simply enough.

Starting point is 00:33:35 It is. We've hit the max here. You do your workout, you futz around, you get the hell out of there. So a couple of weeks ago, we were exposed to this story that happened in the news, okay? Okay. Of a woman who was scammed. So I want to show it to you so you have some reference.

Starting point is 00:33:49 God. The Hulabay area woman is out tens of thousands of dollars after she said she sent money to a scammer who said he was celebrity Keanu Reeves. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Diane Ringstaff said she was playing words with friends when somebody messaged her saying he was the Hollywood actor. They started chatting over the next two years. Close those eyes. two years. She had to slap two years. Two years. Good morning my sunshine Diane. As you said last night I am sending this recording to let you know that I cherish you and that I am loyal to you. You will always be my queen. Have a great day today Diane. Love you. Kisses from your loving Keanu.

Starting point is 00:34:26 Keanu said he needed tens of thousands of dollars in Bitcoin and cryptocurrency for help with legal troubles. Sure. Knowing what I know now and all the technology that's out there. Don't fake voices and everything else, you know. Ding, ding, ding. Ding, ding, ding.

Starting point is 00:34:43 Ding, ding, ding. The witch is dead over here. I can't believe that woman showed her face after that. It's unbelievable. More to fight if that was me. Yeah. More to fight, she's like, and now that I know,

Starting point is 00:34:54 what do you think about her voice this time around? Her or is that Keanu's voice? Cause it wasn't even close. What's crazy is that Keanu has started messaging us. Yes. I think because he felt bad about what happened to us, so the real guy has been like, Hey, Tom, so sorry to hear about your struggles with Invisalign, your beautiful face, warm energy and precious teeth.

Starting point is 00:35:15 My thoughts and prayers forever. Wow. Isn't that crazy? The fact that this guy's getting by with an impression that bad. This is just AI generated, right? It has to be, but now he's on us. You know what's weird? I need money. I am drowning in legal troubles that I cannot elaborate on right now.

Starting point is 00:35:34 Please send me money and I will send you my love. It sounds kind of Keanu-ish. Not at all. What? I'm convinced. I'm getting to send him some money. People, I've been getting a lot of fake Keanu Reeves on TikTok DMing me. Really? That I'm like beautiful as it gets me Keanu and it's like one follower.

Starting point is 00:35:50 I'm like, it ain't you Keanu. Like voice or text? No, no, just text. Just text. It's probably him sending money. They haven't asked for money yet. Uh, I find that so, I feel bad. Yeah, of course. But you also realize that like, I I mean the older generation has no idea

Starting point is 00:36:05 No, they're just like oh this has to be who how could somebody impersonate? How are you not facetiming one time? I would need what I would face time. I think she said there was a video chat You are so funny and talented and creative and nice and beautiful and physically attractive too. Oh, physically attractive. Thank you, Keanu. Wow. Now I want some Kena messages.

Starting point is 00:36:32 Mommy, show me how those big tits fart. Oh, huh. He's getting really specific. Dialing in. I mean, I can see how one can get taken away with this. I mean, he's really... Every day he says a message to her? Tom, your thick Peruvian cock is so vascular,

Starting point is 00:36:50 it makes me salivate like a dog hungry for a bone. Wow, this Keanu Reeves? Wow. That's insane. Actual Keanu Reeves. Wow. Huh. That is so crazy. That is insane. I didn't know he was such a fan of yours.

Starting point is 00:37:02 I don't know that he'd see my... Is Keanu Canadian? No, I think he's American. He took acting classes from one of my teachers and he kept bragging about that. He's like my biggest acting. Keanu Reeves. Do you know any about him? We're all like get to the class. Where was Keanu born? Good morning my sunshine Diane, it's me Keanu. I will love you like you've never been loved before I will cherish you I'll make you feel like a woman a real woman. I love that a real

Starting point is 00:37:37 Am I making this up he's 60 years old he's 60 years old and he's buried in legal troubles Absolutely swapped the only way out of this? Fucking Bitcoin man. Diane. Diane. You know, ding ding. Look at her. She looks like cigarettes like you can tell. Oh yeah. She's smoking. She was like wiring pianoiana money. This old lady, 160 grand. Where did she get the money from? How the fuck did she have that money? That's probably life savings, dude. She could have fixed those blefs.

Starting point is 00:38:12 Oh yeah, those blefs. You could have tucked that up. Are these blefs or are these blefs? Yeah, these are blefs here. Blefs, blefs, yeah, upper, lower. Are you bluffing? I got blefs right here. I got upper blefs.

Starting point is 00:38:21 You got upper blefs too. Oh, I don't want it. Oh, when it comes down? I gotta trim my eyelids. I'm gonna do it in June. You're trimming the lids. Get them trimmed. Upper blefs.

Starting point is 00:38:30 Upper, you're lifting the blefs. Lifting the blefs. Just trimming them, trimming. Just a light trim. Just, yeah, just a bang trim. Just a blef trim, just a small little, yeah, put a bowl on there. I can do it, I told her I'd do it.

Starting point is 00:38:41 I can do a good job. Why are you doing the eyes? It's just they're drooping, and my dad did it at my age too. It's like genetics too. Okay, okay. I don't like how it looks. Like I don't like it. I would never look at you and say, fff, fat laughs.

Starting point is 00:38:54 Look at the fucking blefs on this bitch. Oh God. A makeup artist told me. Bluffed out. She was like, you should really get your blefs. How dare. I was like, you're right. It'd be like every makeup person would be like, you should get a nose job.

Starting point is 00:39:05 I'd be like, thank you. I've never thought about that before. Internet. I need to get fucked a lot, man. It's crazy. Keanu was horned up. Keanu, yeah. Because this is the shit he was saying to her.

Starting point is 00:39:17 And he's like, can I get some cryptocurrency? And you're like, oh yeah. Keanu Reeves. You're like, I'm bricked up right now. I need a little crypto for my hard cock. Jesus Christ. Steph, it really hurts me that you don't believe I'm real. But still, I'm really excited to see those hustler poses.

Starting point is 00:39:33 Wow. Wow. Oh my God, Keanu. He's calling it money. How much money do you want? Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. Wow.

Starting point is 00:39:43 Wow. Also, why do you think? I slept like a homo last night. Wow. What does that mean? With a dick in his ass? No, just like really well, like tired. Oh, okay. Yeah, because they get more tired.

Starting point is 00:39:50 Do they? Why do you think he opted for crypto? Wait, why am I believing you? It's true. Yeah, they get more tired. They get tired. Homosexuals might get more tired than straight men. Go with you.

Starting point is 00:39:58 You slept like one, it means you slept really deeply, yeah, because gays sleep deeper. Where's this fat coming from? From because of the fat, because they have more anal and they get more tired. It's more tiring to do. Yeah, it's more tiring to do. Yeah, it's more tiring to do. Yeah, it's more tiring to do. Yeah, it's more tiring to do. Yeah, it's more tiring to do. Yeah, it's more tiring to do. Yeah, because gays sleep deeper What is this fact coming from from because of fact because they have more anal and they get more tired It's more tiring to do anal than vaginal sex. Everybody knows this

Starting point is 00:40:12 Yeah, really if you get pounded like for hours in your ass, you're gonna want to break hours That's too long. I agree cap. But also I have 30 minutes here 30 minutes. Yeah, that's also too long That seems like I made it out like a fiddler's elbow. We don't need to be doing it that long. Okay, here we go. Why did he choose cryptocurrency? Anonymity? Hard to choose.

Starting point is 00:40:32 Yeah. Oh, smart. Kim's so smart. There was a great guy. How does he know? About one of the biggest cryptocurrency robberies of all time was this like this dopey couple

Starting point is 00:40:48 and they stole, I forget how they stole, billions worth. Billions. But then you have, you go, like if you try to retrieve it, like you know, that's when feds can come on you. So then you're trying to like funnel it to like a offshore kind of like flea market of crypto stuff and try to get it out that way.

Starting point is 00:41:13 These people got away with it for years, but then it was billions. They had billions. Yeah. It's a Netflix doc. It's really good. Greedy, greedy. Just take a couple hundred bucks.

Starting point is 00:41:23 Why don't we try it? We should prank call like Robert Paul Champagne with AI Keanu. He would 100% believe that. He would believe it and he would send him money. Oh, get out of here. I don't care if he's keeping a cold, I'm pretty busy right now. But Keanu's very much in love with me guys.

Starting point is 00:41:37 Because he does think that celebrities are into him. I know. Who's this guy? I don't know anybody. Oh, I'll show you. He's up here? There he is. he's up here. Yeah We could usually do an AI can you call The answer all the time this guy's like five different guys love the fuck good

Starting point is 00:42:04 You're a hot black guy. You want to fuck me at 23 95 if you want to move in you can move in but you gotta fuck me I mean I need to be fucked a lot of things three man Jesus Christ oh yeah god damn it setting his health yeah yeah yeah I'm coming oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Do you know where this really was on? It was on YouTube. No. Yeah, you got kicked off. No fucking kidding. Good Christ. This is why we don't let our kids on YouTube. No, your kids shouldn't be on any form of the internet.

Starting point is 00:42:52 Lock them away. Oh, fuck me. That was such a long com, right? If a man did untop me, I'd call the police. Officer comes up the total pig. Officer comes up. Oh, he's sniffing. Yeah, total pig officer comes up there.

Starting point is 00:43:04 What's he doing? What is that? Officer Cumdump likes it wild, dirty, and filthy. Love pigs. That's right, officer Cumdump. We'll take it like a man. I will bend down and you could bang me as you can. Well, get it straight, buddy.

Starting point is 00:43:17 Don't be slurring when you're sending that message out there. Yeah, yeah. Does this also make you think that, like, after what we've shown you, that just men are just generally more deviant pigs, right? Like we're I mean, I think I didn't come here thinking that it wasn't yeah I I do believe this either girl we reaffirmed it though

Starting point is 00:43:34 I well you you refer me to this dark part of the internet that I'd like to avoid damn it What I like to just I I'm wholesome. I mean, I only watch Laundry S for you That's as far as I go, and then I keep it. Keep it wholesome. But Steph, you're a very liberated gal. I am. Did you spend time with boys growing up? Like, how did you get to be so cool?

Starting point is 00:43:55 So cool? Do you know what I mean? What I mean by that is a lot of times women get trapped in the societal stuff of like, you can't laugh at farts, you can't be gross, you can't be whatever. How did you get out of the matrix? I think it's my family. My grandma was always gross.

Starting point is 00:44:09 Well, she kept saying, she's like, go to the bathroom when you can, sit down when you can, let the air blow free wherever you be. She always was farting. She'd fart at church and go, whatever, I had to get it out. She didn't give a shit. And then my mom was like that, and my aunt,

Starting point is 00:44:23 and then my Bulgarian family was gross. So there was no classy women in my life. I wasn't looking up to some hoity-toity. I remember the first things my parents would do was fart in front of me, like nonstop. Me and my dad bonded one summer, and my sister, over Blue Angels at the cottage. Do you know how to do Blue Angel?

Starting point is 00:44:41 When you bend over, how have you not had this on here yet? You bend over and you light a match and you fart, it's like a fireball. Oh yeah, so we, turns out we're all very good at doing those. Thank you daddy for passing that down. So yeah, me and my sister, all the three of us put our ass. How about you and your boo boo?

Starting point is 00:44:59 Do you guys fart in front of each other? Yeah, and he hates it. He hates it? Uh oh. He gets so mad and I do it. But you know why, Steph? Because he's a real whitey. I know.

Starting point is 00:45:10 He's an Aryan god. But he farts. But he's born again, Christian. Okay, there you go. He's ashamed about it. No, he's not ashamed. He farts, he just thinks it's gross when I do it. I'm like, yeah, it's disgusting.

Starting point is 00:45:22 And they always reek, it's not good. I mean healthy, when you eat healthy, it's like kale And they always reek. It's not good. I mean, healthy. When you eat healthy, it's like a kale salad's coming out of my ass. Of course. This guy, okay, we discovered him years ago. Okay, okay. I just wanna say, that ass.

Starting point is 00:45:34 That ass. The reason why I'm wearing this fucking yellow fucking weird thing is my ass is gonna be doing community service for the state of Utah. Woo, I got a DUI baby. gonna be doing community service for the state of Utah. Woo, I got a DUI baby. This I like. Yeah, it's fun.

Starting point is 00:45:51 This guy I like. This guy's fun. So. And we've been, he's been. Babe, he's been in our lives for like a decade. Yes, really. But he started with these videos and then our relationship with him has grown

Starting point is 00:46:02 over the last decade. And now we're in his life. So now we had him come down, we had him do one of those blind date dating things that we hosted with like 50 eligible girls. And he got to pick, cross some out and go on a date with one. And then he went back to where he lives in upstate New York.

Starting point is 00:46:25 He had some legal trouble with his landlord. He got in some fights, he ended up in jail. He expressed to us that he wants to get into adult entertainment. And so we set up a shoot for him, him and Alexis Fox, who was like a really good guy. So she was like, yeah, I'll do a scene with you. And he's like over the moon,

Starting point is 00:46:43 but he's been in and out of jail a lot lately, okay So anyways he got out and now he's talking about how it's kind of better to be in like it's uh Because he got kicked out of his place anyway, so there's a lot of drama going on with him right now Okay, and we've been trying to get a hold of him, and it's been tough the last couple days So I think we can get a hold of him. Let's see is he gonna answer They never answer their phones on the first try. Cool guys never do. Well, if I think it's the police. There you go. Every single time. Every fucking time. They never answer. Oh my god, I thought that was his answer machine. I was like, please say it's a guitar riff.

Starting point is 00:47:20 I would die. This guy should be in a fucking band if that's what he's playing the enemies. Just say answer your fucking phone, man. He takes them like answer your phone dipshit. I met Alexis, I hosted the AVN awards. Oh yeah, she's fantastic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's lovely. They were all great.

Starting point is 00:47:37 She's done bits with us. Yeah, she's doing a bit with me in two weeks actually. She's great. Yeah, she's so funny and fun and great tits. Speaking of tits. Big milkers. Big set of juggies up there. Big natural milkers. Big natural yabbos. Yeah, she's great. Yeah, she's so funny and fun and great tits. Speaking of tits. Big milkers. Big set of junkies out there. Big natural milkers.

Starting point is 00:47:47 Big natural yabbos. Yeah, she's great. Don't bring yabbos back. Yabbos. Yabbos is funny. You just did, homie. You just fucking did, bro. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:55 My parents called them lullabienies and that wasn't real. I gotta take a pish, sorry guys. No, you gotta take a pish? Yeah. Okay, go ahead. Wow, middle of the podcast. Disrespectful. She's really going. She's going to wax her ass is what she's doing.

Starting point is 00:48:06 She's gonna pull her hemorrhoid back in. Yeah, push it back in. Poppy Poppy. Oh my God. So. I can't believe you meet these people in person. Yeah, I know. So they love it?

Starting point is 00:48:18 Mm. Some of them are like, you know. Like what the hell? Yeah, like some of them are just like, oh cool, like it's fun and some of them are like, you know. Like what the hell? Yeah, like some of them are just like, oh cool, like it's fun and some of them are more apprehensive. You get every range of things, yeah. Cause you think you're making fun of them or something? No, they don't have that much self awareness.

Starting point is 00:48:34 You know Fancy Chef, have you seen him online? I haven't seen any of these people. All I see is amputees and dog videos. I got in a weird burn victim thing recently. I don't know what's going on. My algorithm's bad. Yeah, a lot of burnt people and a lot of gold retrievers. It's a very strange mix.

Starting point is 00:48:53 Yes. My algorithm is insane. No fucking kidding. Watching this shit, I just had the moment, have you ever had your two algorithms crossover perfectly? There's a video of a Dalmatian carrying a pocket pussy. Excuse me, it's my TikTok alarm, kill me.

Starting point is 00:49:13 I have to post a TikTok, I'm actually embarrassing. It's pathetic, no, just ignore me. I'm so insane, my social media, I'm like, find this video, it's literally, it's a Dalmatian carrying a pocket pussy. And the dog sitter's like, Gladys, put that fucking down. And I'm like, finally my algorithm makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense, too.

Starting point is 00:49:31 A dog and a pocket pussy, that's perfect. I get a lot of workplace accidents. Oh, god. You know, like a car falling on somebody from a lift. And they die? Sometimes. Fancy Chef is this guy. Beautiful and nice, look. Look at at that chicken look how I got that season look at that look I put my thing in there get it all in there looks good right so you bite down you get a bite look at that la la la la yeah yeah chef yeah fancy

Starting point is 00:49:58 yeah fancy yeah yeah this is why I don't like going to Potlucks. I don't trust anyone. So we flew him down to cook for us. You ate it. I took a bite. You'd send me out of poisoning. He fingered your chicken and then you ate it. Wait, but you didn't like that he seasoned every morsel? I mean he's very thorough.

Starting point is 00:50:21 Yeah, what do you not like about it? I don't like the idea of that guy's dirt corners and his fingernails getting wedged into that chicken. He's not dirty. Impeccably clean. You looked at each finger. You cleaned it out with your own teeth. He looks at every.

Starting point is 00:50:36 Oh, that grosses you out. Here it is, look at this. This is a perfect video. Yeah, let's see it. What is this? A dog found a pocket pussy. Ew. It's so funny is this a dog found a pocket pussy yeah it's so funny I've never seen a pocket pussy did you know that I don't know what you're talking about good why would you I can't believe there's one depraved

Starting point is 00:50:53 thing I don't know can you look it up for me a pocket pussy they are you know what that it like a flashlight yes that's a flashlight yeah yeah but it's out of the sheath it's a loose when they take it out. Oh, I almost threw up. I felt that yeah It's gross. I have these dolls at the house that are just like torsos You know you fuck them I've seen those they're weird. They're weird. You see those. No, they're bizarre. He answered Tony Tony yes, yeah? So what's up? Oh? Tony Tony Yes, yeah, whoa

Starting point is 00:51:26 Man, what's going on players? Hey? What's up, man? What are you up to? Oh, dude? Yo, dude Tom? Yeah, holy shit, dude. No, no, hear me out brother. Okay bigger city way more opportunity dude some of these videos I'm doing are just out of wait. What city are you in? Where are you? Go man. It's out of sight. This is where are you any store? Where are you? Yeah, yeah, so I am downtown Syracuse, New York. Okay, Tom dude. I'm loving this down here boys You know guys like yo, this is literally like Mexico like for real. They ain't no long. Yeah, there's no laws in Syracuse Everybody knows that what's what's um?

Starting point is 00:52:06 What kind of videos have you been doing? Oh There ain't no laws. Yeah, there's no laws in Syracuse. Everybody knows that. What's what's, um, dude, you know, this is wild. What kind of videos have you been doing? Oh, dude, we're talking. I mean, you know, it's like I turn hate into money. You know what I'm saying? You know, so check it out. OK, you I've been going to this really, really fancy, you know, bar slash restaurant, dude, the past couple of days. I'm down here, you know, talking to these rich chicks, you know. Yeah, I'm down here, you know talking to these rich chicks, you know

Starting point is 00:52:26 Yeah, I'm loving these rich ladies brother. Frill. Yeah, you know that cuz yo Tom like I need I need some bread I need some coins. So dude, I've been hitting on these rich chicks dude. They've been loving me man I got my do rag back. I got my hater shades, dude. I'm loving it down here. Well, wait a minute Let me back up because I know I know a little while ago, you know I know you were locked up and you got out and everybody celebrated when you got out It was a super exciting thing. They're like, oh Tony's free. This is awesome But then I saw that you had to move into like a hotel Are you do you have housing right now? um, so in two days I

Starting point is 00:53:04 I will be homeless again. I um, I don't, I've been relying on my fans, you know, I love my fans, all the donations, just to pay for these hotels. They are very, very expensive, Tom. Yeah, yeah. Dude, you guys are even helping, which I love, you know, that's why I love you guys. But yo, there, I mean, it's like 400 a week, man man, and it's and I'm at the red roof now, dude It's like 70 80 bucks a night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a it's a lot And then are you still you're are doing video are you doing only fans still? Yes, sir. Yep. Yep, so It's kind of sad my my fan base is only at 21 right now

Starting point is 00:53:40 But I'm still I'm still doing good on the only fans, you know, that that's just you know, steady income Is it is it mostly like solo content or customs or what? All solos man all solos dude. I'm not I'm not out here, you know, like banging chicks, you know I'm out here trying to trying to hustle, you know, yeah trying to get my only fans up and running my comedy You know what I'm saying? Like I'm loving all this man. I'm taking all this in. Well. Yeah, you're a worker. Are you doing? Are you doing are you doing a worker? Yes, sir. Are you doing stand-up? No, so Ed Bass master in a couple months. I've never done a stand-up show before Tom so Ed Bass master is gonna get me a ticket down to

Starting point is 00:54:22 PA or either PA or Rochester, New York, and he's gonna have me do a skit for a, you know, five, 10 minute skit. No shit. So I'm just getting some content right now, man. That's great. How you been though, Tom? Alexis, good to have you.

Starting point is 00:54:35 Thanks for them tickets, bro, to your show. Holy fuck. My pleasure, my pleasure, man. I'm glad you got to come out. Tom, dude, I was downstairs on the, you know, you know those three bars, the clubs bars? Uh-huh, yeah. Dude, yo, Tom, dude, I was downstairs on the, you know, those three bars, the clubs bars. Uh huh. Dude, yo, Tom, dude, like I showed up there and like the lady was like, oh, you're Tony

Starting point is 00:54:51 Johns, like the club promoter dude. She was like, oh, yo, you're Tony Johns. I said, yeah, yeah. And she was like, you're on the YMH show. I said, yeah, dude, she gave me everything, dude. I could go to any club, all-inclusive, dog. She said whatever you need. Oh yeah, hell yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:12 Didn't you spot? Did she give me? Tony, Tony, can I ask you something, though? What's up with your sketch with Alexis Fox? Any progress? Yeah, I'm ready whenever she's ready, for real. To be honest with you, I need money. Whenever she's ready, I'm ready whenever she's ready for real. I mean to be honest with you. I need money I'm whenever she's ready. I'm ready. There's no rush, but whenever she's ready tell her to hit me up game

Starting point is 00:55:30 Let's go. Can you leave New York? Yeah, we were okay. I am so I just have to do anger management and sex therapy But other than that I'm golden I can I can travel down to Vegas. Yeah Oh, yeah, the the courts made you take anger management? Yep, yep, so that was my way out of the jailhouse, the Cougar County. Cougar County, man. C-Block, yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:57 Oh yeah. Yeah, so I'm, yo dude, was the, let me, it was the anger management counseling and sex therapy counseling. I do not have to take any medication uh, let me, uh, it was the, um, anger management counseling and, uh, sex therapy counseling. I do not have to take any medication cause I don't need it. My therapist, uh, did diagnose me. Um, yep.

Starting point is 00:56:14 What did they diagnose you? Yeah. So what was I, what is your diagnosis? Yeah. So it's, uh, like I've been saying the whole time, it's anxiety. Yeah. It's a actually severe anxiety. I could be on benefits for my anxiety It's PTSD from my past to always being locked up and in in facilities and then it's also

Starting point is 00:56:35 Anger so it's bipolar. I'm always up and down and then it's ADHD So I have a hard time sitting still I cannot sit still Hmm. I wonder if you could get it on this hustler shoot I know coming up. What's the uh? Let me try. I'll see what I can do. I'm gonna make some calls. So so we'll So what's what's next for you because?

Starting point is 00:57:03 Yeah, are you are you gonna? So what's next for you because… Bustle it baby, come on. Are you going to… Come on, I'm ready. Put me in coach, please. Wait, you're in New York right now, right? Like Syracuse. Yeah, I'm in Syracuse walking around, you know, trying to talk to these rich ladies here trying to get me some cash going, you know.

Starting point is 00:57:20 Hell yeah. Good. Get that money. Do you put on a show? What do you do? Do you stroke it for them? How do you get them to donate? No, no, no. To be honest, yo, to be honest, what do you tell them? I'm, you know, I'm a real bossy dude.

Starting point is 00:57:30 You know, I like having fun. Dude, I'll just go straight up to the grill and I'll say, hey, you know, can I, you know, buy you a drink? And I'll go from there. But a lot of the times, dude, I'll just kind of sit back in my chair and I'll just kind of be looking at me. I'll be looking at them. You know, I just kind of sit back. And to be honest, what do you do that kind of creepy bro? Just kind of sit back and you know just kind of put on a little show for him, you know

Starting point is 00:57:51 wink at him, blow him some kisses. I love that. Oh yeah, yes sir. I love that. Hey, yes sir. It's hot. I love ladies man, you know I'm a true sex addict. Tony, what is sex therapy?

Starting point is 00:58:04 So that's something my counselor did recommend Cuz yeah, she was like yo dude like you got an issue with what sex here man. Yeah, what? Why are all sexed up? Yep. Do you believe that? Do you think everything was sex? Huh? Yeah, do you think that way too? Oh fuck yeah 100% I've known since for a long time Yeah, like I I love I just I love pleasuring myself like I like the feeling you know like Christina like it's myself sexy to a lot of women, but like I like pleasuring a woman like Making her like you know like feel good like come and you know Turns me on so nice

Starting point is 00:58:44 Turns me on to when a girl turns me on. So nice. Yo, I'm being thrilled. It turns me on too. It turns me on when a girl's turned on, you know. Oh God, I love turning women on. I love it, man, seriously. Eatin', you know, like I love it all, man. Like I'm seriously like, I love women. Like it's crazy, I'm a ladies man.

Starting point is 00:58:56 Yeah, you're a ladies man. I know, we're built that way. We like to lick box and put fingers in them and make them happy. Oh, dude, I'm crazy about pleasuring women. Yeah. I love it. Do you like, you like- Yo, how you been though, Christina? dear, I'm crazy about pleasure and women. Yeah. I love it. Do you like, you like- How you been though, Christina?

Starting point is 00:59:07 Oh, I'm good. Thanks for asking, Tony. I appreciate that. You know, we always keep up with you through Cougar. We're updated on you. And I'm glad that you got out of jail, even though I heard you had a pretty decent time there. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:20 Tell me about jail. A lot of the guards, I mean, the the the guard the lady guards were amazing But the male guards were kind of iffy yeah, but at the end of the day I mean, dude, you know the lady guards are fucking they're smoking. I mean they could hot did you did you? Yeah Tony did you put me in bracelets, you know put me in the bracelets, sweetie. Did you hook up with a lady guard? No, I fucking wish. No, I fucking wish.

Starting point is 00:59:49 That'd be sexy as fuck. Hell yeah. Shout out to Cooke County Department of Corrections. I was actually like trying. Yo Tom, dude, Christina, I was like trying to hook up with one for real. Sorry, I'm kind of excited I'm talking to you guys. We're excited.

Starting point is 01:00:00 No, we're excited too. Wait, how did you try to hook up with her? Like how did you tell her you liked her? To be honest. I it's kind of fucking crazy what I did She ended up doing her rounds and she was older, you know, I like my cougars and my milfs. Hell. Yeah, she was a blonde yeah, she was a blonde cougar and I just you know, I noticed she was doing her rounds and this is actually really illegal what I'm gonna say I ended up just was doing the rounds and this is actually really illegal when I'm gonna say I ended up just putting down my my gel pants I just started stroking it and she like stopped looked in my window and she all be afro she like licked her lips I'm like oh fuck yeah that's

Starting point is 01:00:33 fucking hot I was just boy it was hot as fuck that's hot like fucking oh fuck yeah bro like licking her lips because dog what I did is fucking like crazy as fuck but that's so hot so fucking yeah dude I was so fucking horny and just, I just needed to bust a load. I found that a lot of chicks like to watch us stroke it. I've noticed that just like in my experience. Yeah, they love it. A lot of times I'll be somewhere and I'll just start, you know, kind of tugging. And I notice that every woman that looks at me gets kind of like worked up. Oh, fuck you.

Starting point is 01:01:03 Hell yeah. By the way, dude, Tony you. Hell yeah. Fuck you. By the way, dude, Tony, I don't know if you have Netflix, but June 24th, my friend Steph Tolev has a new special coming out called Filth Queen. It's so funny and she's dirty and hilarious. I think you got to check it out when it comes out, okay? Yeah, fuck you. I'd love to, brother.

Starting point is 01:01:22 That sounds fucking amazing. Steph Tolev, okay? I want you to look her up Yes, sir, okay Nice all right. We'll take care of yourself Tony. Yeah, don't go to jail say No, I'm trying my hardest not to go to jail okay and get to Las Vegas We got to get you with a guy to get you with Alexis. Yes. Yes, please. I'm ready whenever you guys are for real Thanks, okay, for everything absolutely bro. We'll talk to you safe buddy. I love you guys. We love you Thanks. Okay. Thanks for everything. Absolutely bro. We'll talk to you soon. I love you guys. We love you too. Okay. Bye bye.

Starting point is 01:01:51 Wait, so he can leave the state of New York. This is huge. Jefferson's mom is a cougar and she's a babe and she lives in StairQ's and I'm like, I, that whole conversation I was like, I gotta get her on the phone. I'm like, I'm about to call her the second we're done this and make sure she never talks this man. I'm terrified right now. No, no, she, he's sweetheart. That man is not going near her. and make sure she never talks to this man. I'm terrified right now. No, no, she, that man is not going near her. She's single and she is very attractive. And I swear to God, I am, I'm so upset right now. I have to tell you, I'm literally upset. I have to tell you,

Starting point is 01:02:15 look at her. He's going to talk to her. I know he is. He's a sweet, damn it. He's such a sweet guy. He's harmless. He's been in and out of jail. He's so sweet. Several times. For sex addict stuff. What are these? What has he done? He's harmless.

Starting point is 01:02:31 Compared to the other guys we've showcased on the show, he's sweet, you know? The pig man. You know what? You just need to open your heart. That's my problem. And your heart's. I'm closed in. You're too closed in.

Starting point is 01:02:42 I'm closed up. Yeah. That's it. Oh yeah, one more thing for all you young bucks going out to the club tonight One last thing what you got to look out for and this is what you know, my One of my good buddies, you know is telling me about and I tried it numerous times and it really works Look out for body language Good tip good tip. Absolutely key anxiety ADHD and bipolar. That's a lot. That's a lot of stuff.

Starting point is 01:03:09 And sex addiction. And sex addiction. And stroking addiction. You're like, what? You're like, what? What's going on? Oh my God, that female guard was like, hmm. That did not happen. I swear to God. Can I ask you guys something for reals? Do you think, I swear to God. Can I ask you guys something for reals? Do you think, do people in the real world lick their lips when they're in desire? Like, or is that just a porn thing? I think it's an old man thing. It's an old creepy Armenian man. Yeah, it's an old man thing.

Starting point is 01:03:40 I think, I think our generation stopped doing it. But women do like it though. Yeah. Women love that. Nothing like walking home alone. I've gotten up to women just going... And they're always like... Ooh, I'm wet. Ooh, I'm soaked. Do it again. Show me. The sound of it too is very vile.

Starting point is 01:03:58 It's like dry but also wet. Very strange sound. I stopped doing it because I don't want them to get too worked up. That's the problem. Yeah, well I'm just stroking your hog in public. Oh yeah, you just crank. You're stroking and doing that at the same time. That's the combo, yeah, that's the combo

Starting point is 01:04:13 you gotta do that, really. Women will just start just taking off their clothes. Also hilarious, you think women take off their shirts like a man from the back. Like a man from the back. Yeah. That's why you're ready to fuck my boyfriend and get over here and take off my jersey,

Starting point is 01:04:24 suck my pussy. How does here and take off my jersey. Suck my pussy. How does a girl take it off? Oh, from the bottom? Yeah. Chris Cross. So gay. I'm going to do that as my boyfriend today and see if he says anything.

Starting point is 01:04:34 So manly. Hold on a second. Why do men do it like this instead of Chris Cross? I don't know. Chris Cross always wants to do it. Because men are just like, get this off me. Women are like, I gotta pull it. Just ripping the fucking neck over.

Starting point is 01:04:46 You know what's interesting is that what I think excites women sexually is the exact opposite of what men think it does. Like I like to see men doing, like I was watching Tom eat a curry at lunch and it was just sweet. Like you're just being a normal person, just eating something and not being anything.

Starting point is 01:05:04 And I was like, oh, he's so adorable. Like he's so attractive. And it's never probably when you're trying to be attractive that you find men attractive. Cause when they try to be sexy, it's the unsexiest thing. Like I hate male dancers. I hate like male posers, like hot posings. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm not communicating very well today. But like when they try to be sexy, posers like hot posings. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm not communicating very well today. No, no, yeah. But like when they try to be sexy, like 90s R&B bands that you like, like Jodeci and stuff.

Starting point is 01:05:30 Like I hate that stuff. When they're like posing, looking. Yeah. When like Jefferson plays piano, that turns me on. Right. Music playing and like performing. What about men doing manly shit? Like chopping wood and stuff.

Starting point is 01:05:40 Yeah, like that kind of thing. Yeah, cause that's competency. That's like, oh, you know how to do something. Standing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, when people are doing something they're good at, that kind of thing. Yeah, because that's competency. That's like, oh, you know how to do something. Standing, yeah, yeah. Yeah, when people are doing something they're good at, that's always attractive. Yes, that's attractive. Yeah, like you're eating.

Starting point is 01:05:52 Eating curry. You're really, hey, that's your best skill. That is kind of up there. Eating curry, yeah, yeah. I can't do that much, so eating curry for me is up there. I'm not that capable. Eating curry, you can't saw, you can't cut, but you can eat curry real good. Do you want to show her your stuff?

Starting point is 01:06:06 Oh, I'm so excited. Are you ready for her TikToks? For the marginalized community? Okay, yes I am. I feel like we've shown you a real wide variety of stuff today. I feel sick. I feel like I have a cold now from watching that one video. I feel actually sick. That's the YMH experience. That's exactly what you're supposed to feel. I haven't gagged like that publicly in a very long time. Yeah. Like it was real.

Starting point is 01:06:26 You did. Yeah. Welcome back. Welcome back. Being a woman is a really violent experience. We are walking secrets. Shh. Don't like, we want to see you.

Starting point is 01:06:35 We don't want to hear you. Don't tell us how you feel makes us uncomfortable. We're like harboring a lot of violence all of the time. Even in the imagery that we consume, it's like even if you haven't bounced off of somebody who has violated you in a specific way, we are incredibly violated constantly. Having a female body is an overtly political act if you can get out of bed in the morning and not hate yourself. It is... it's hard. That's a lot. Hold on, Steph, do you, how do you feel about that? I feel like there was parts of it where I was like, okay, and then I was like, getting out of bed in the morning, what the hell?

Starting point is 01:07:12 She takes it a little too far. She takes it way too far. Well, I'm just curious to see, cause I was like, okay, maybe this isn't my generation. Clearly I don't feel this violated, but like she's an actress. She's a lesbian actress right now. She's with a lady. So maybe they're like all against this patriarchy stuff right now, like they're ramping each other up. And she is, she makes her living being objectified.

Starting point is 01:07:33 And maybe that's what she feels. But as a whole, I don't know that I feel that dangerous all the time. Hound it online and stuff. Maybe she's getting like right now it's at a peak where she's like every morning getting like threats and like weird shit's been yeah popping off But I'm like yeah The only thing I'm worried is something that will do to me is literally break my nose in public so I had no shop That's that's how I want to get violent the men on the internet hate my nose

Starting point is 01:07:56 But it that's like I don't feel like that violated all the time No, I also like you know, I'm usually wearing an oversized Harley-Davidson t-shirt. That is cute. It's so, it reads as like so intensely anti-men, is the way like the, you know, like we, I don't wanna hear you, I don't need to tell us anything, this is, it's a violent existence, it's like, I don't know what, I mean, what you've been going through,

Starting point is 01:08:22 but it feels like you're. I think she's traumatized. Well, I think something's clearly happened, and especially if she's in acting, I'm sure, like, those disgusting directors and those things. Somebody horrible has done something. Someone horrible did something to her recently where it's like, God damn it.

Starting point is 01:08:33 I mean, arguably, when I started my career, nobody wanted to hear women talk, and now it's totally different. I feel like it's a little better, isn't it? It's not totally different, it's a little better. Maybe they want to tolerate me talking now. They tolerate some talking a little better, isn't it? It's not totally, it's a little better. They tolerate me talking now. They tolerate some talking a little more, but it's still not as...

Starting point is 01:08:49 That's not as great. No, that's not as great. Nah, nobody really wants to hear chicks talk that way. Yeah, I know. That's why I sound like this, to try to disguise my voice so no one knows who I am. Dude, are you gonna do a hustler shoot with Tony though, if he shows up to this shoot?

Starting point is 01:09:01 If Tony comes anywhere near a 500 foot radius, the FBI will be involved. I don't know what to tell you right now. The fact you said my name, they have to say my name. If I open my phone and that man followed me, I'm blocking him. It's a... You know what the problem is, Steph?

Starting point is 01:09:16 You and I don't look like her, that's why. I mean, that could be... I was like... Maybe she's just much cuter than us. I'm not getting hit on a lot, I'm not gonna lie to you. That's why when my boyfriend hit on me after the show, I was like, marry me? No one's ever hit cuter than us yeah i'm not getting hit on a lot i'm gonna lie to you that's why my boyfriend hit on me after the show i was like marry me no one's ever hit on me before yeah so it's like i really i lock in it's harder for her she normally has dark hair right yeah she's so cute i really

Starting point is 01:09:36 like her yeah but something definitely just happened her yeah bad girl oh this story so this says for people listening, Kim Kardashian is setting a whole new standard in child care, splashing millions on nannies. She runs a military-style operation with a dedicated team of nannies, each assigned to one of her four kids and working around the clock. They basically take daytime, nighttime shifts, 12-hour shifts at 6 a.m. So, huh They get one day off a week at our expected to travel with their allocated child including when the kids visit dad includes a chief of staff and head nanny overseeing a team that manages meals laundry security blah blah blah This is so pretty intense crazy don't have kids if that I know

Starting point is 01:10:22 So I'll tell you, so we lived adjacent to this family at some point, like very briefly. And I had heard this story of like, they've got nannies on nannies on nannies, like a room where the nannies sleep and they take 12 hour shifts sleeping. And like, it's crazy, but I guess this is what like, celebrities do is just name-signing. do. That was our oldest first play date.

Starting point is 01:10:48 Was with Saint West and a nanny. And a nanny. I had Alice, our son, and then there was this Filipino lady. She was hanging out at the playground. It was a Jamaican nanny. Or Bahamian. Was this the Bahamian one? No, this one was, because there was a team. Yeah, a team. But this one was like a Filipino lady.

Starting point is 01:11:09 This is crazy. I understand you're busy, you're touring. I'm not, I'm not shaming her, but this, cause this is, that's insane. You're not raising your kids at this point. Yeah. When you, when you, when are you running your children? That's insane.

Starting point is 01:11:21 Never. And yeah, so I remember our son was on the same playground as Saint and it was a security guard. It was the nanny and I was like this we got to get out of this community. But yeah, like why have the kids if you're not even gonna... That many nannies on and off 12-hour shifts. Here's the thing. Here's the deal, man. I get it she's got to make the living but like why have four kids with a completely insane person? think that's it also make a living she's fucking loaded what more what are you doing how much more we making here you've got enough stop making stop I agree raise your kids stop making I know

Starting point is 01:11:55 you're just getting started so your first Netflix special bitch come at me you're not gonna watch it anyways but you can't say that you can't say that now I just did. You have to be like, oh, she's a feminist icon because she has a stable of people raising her kids. It's bananas. Anyway, I usually marginalize psychos. These got put into the intelligent file.

Starting point is 01:12:17 Sorry about that. No, that's... It's fun. So many good songs. And I've become that mom where I'm like sitting around with friends and I start singing like, Tyrannosaurus, that's the chorus. Tyrannosaurus. I was like that mom where I'm like sitting around with friends and I start singing like Tyrannosaurus that's the chorus Tyrannosaurus I was like what am I singing oh my gosh I'm singing Storybox I'm singing Storybox I am not singing beyond singing that okay who's that Mrs. Meghan Markle she's pretending to be us oh that's a good mom here Meghan Markle oh that's the

Starting point is 01:12:41 married to the prince yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Um, I like when she does the one with her friend who's like, oh my god, I can't stop watching Yeah clips from that one. There's a woman that she's interviewing with who's just like Yeah, and it's just it's the most puke worthy interview and Megan Markle will say things like I try to tell my children It's that you can't do something yet the power of yet. Like they're just both It's so but it's so I should have my dad go raise these kids smack him around a little bit smart up idiot a little bit smart enough idiot Jesus Christ. That's so bullshit. It's insane.

Starting point is 01:13:26 But that's why we're all funny because our parents didn't do this to us. What the hell is this? It's too much. 1200 nannies talking to me like that. That baby voice. My parents never did baby voice even when I was a baby. I swear to God. No, neither do we.

Starting point is 01:13:39 It's a baby voice. Because why do you have to treat them like idiots? They're not idiots. They're just tiny people. They're learning people. You don't have to treat them like dopes. Yeah It's just tiny people this morning people Yeah, but yeah anyway, what are you looking for? I promise to hand in to hold

Starting point is 01:13:56 through thick and through thin Forever I do your proposal and stuff and you're the lucky one It's to be with me. How do you like that? How do you like that? How do you like that? I wish I had an ounce of that man's confidence. No. One little whisper,

Starting point is 01:14:14 the amount of chin hair he's got of confidence. I feel like there's dried barbecue sauce on his chest. Yeah, what is that? I thought there was like a skin flake situation going there. It actually probably is dried sauce. It's definitely dried sauce. Yeah, it's from the pig guy's shit flake situation going there. It actually probably is dried sauce. It's definitely dried sauce. It's from the pig guy's shit. You're lucky to be with me.

Starting point is 01:14:30 That's what he said. Oh, this is the lady. I've watched this a million times. By the way, I just have to say. I have to say. Enjoy this. I forgot to have fun. I forgot to have fun.

Starting point is 01:14:39 You're right. How many views does this have? Our divinely ordered. Getting to know you for who you truly are. Unreal. So why did you say yes to doing this show? Because it's you. It's like I want people to see that.

Starting point is 01:14:54 You know what I mean? I'm going to get emotional if I talk about it. It's a gift to celebrate my friend. If you're listening or watching, connect with the truth. How many followers does that bitch have? I'm actually pissed. And that's what I hear and listen to this. I don't know who this is. And that's what I hear. But you're the same.

Starting point is 01:15:10 You're the same. I know. Who talks like this? They just reaffirm everything they do. No woman I've never met who actually speaks like that in my life. Oh I have. Went to the end of the mom world.

Starting point is 01:15:21 I was so sad. What's her name? I don't even know her name. Jamie? Jamie something. Oh something. There you go. 612,000 followers. Jamie Lee. Who are these fucking followers? This is crazy. You know what it is. This is what we hate watching. This can't be people actually liking this. I actually like Maria Shriver. She was nice to me one time when I bombed at some journalism conference. She was very nice to me. She was like politely smiling.

Starting point is 01:15:47 It was horrible. I don't like her brother or her fucking nephew, cunts. Really? Yeah. Dang. The Jamie Kerr. I choose me with Jenny Garn. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:15:57 He's a piece of shit. I should go on her, I should ask to do her podcast actually. I'm gonna ask my PR people to get me on that. Promote the special. But I was gonna say, what is this? This is when Oprah Winfrey started the self help, basically like brought it all to light and a lot of women got turned on to Oprah Winfrey

Starting point is 01:16:12 and also the stuff that was pretty useful and pretty good. And now it's like carried on a decade too long. And she's, that's the voice now? Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck? Just do what you. Don't forget that filth Queen comes?

Starting point is 01:16:27 I won't be watching it. But yeah, you should yeah, I won't be watching it now No way. I can't my eyeballs can't see that. No way Would I put inside of my heart and my spirit is pure there's always that there's the pitch always goes. Yeah is pure. There's always that, the pitch always goes. Yeah. Yeah. It's a go up and down. It is fun to do.

Starting point is 01:16:47 Now you do the voice, I'm like, oh, I could, this is a good bit. Oh, you know what they love to say, these types of people? I love that for you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Steph, I love that for you. Oh, think you're asking me to hustler? I love that for you.

Starting point is 01:17:00 Yeah. I'm gonna spread it wide open, yeah. But I love that for you. For you. Which the insinuation is like, not for me, yeah, I'm better than you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For you, that's a good choice. There's some food on the ground. And I love that for you. You hungry? Yeah. Get out your hands and knees. You little pig. Yeah. There's some scraps that I didn't have. And I love that for you.

Starting point is 01:17:21 You want to scrape out the bottom of my Tupperware? Yeah. There's some wagyu in the fridge, but that's for me. But for you, I love something else. Garbage. I shit in the toilet and it clogged. Yeah. And I love that for you. I love that for you. I'll clog it. Yeah. These are women that don't have negative.

Starting point is 01:17:38 Is it acceptable to marry my cousin? Duh. You want to marry her? Go ahead. It is halal. Now, for some reason. This is something people make fun of Muslims. Oh go marry your cousin go marry your cousin. Yo bro we marry cousins all the time. People have been marrying cousins for millions of years bro and yes the chances of a birth defect might be increased but it's not to the level where Allah knows us. Allah knows best. It's not to the level where it's going to be dangerous. My parents were cousins. Look how I turned out. I have brothers and sisters

Starting point is 01:18:09 who married cousins. I have lots of people in my family who are cousins who are married. Absolutely not a single issue in any of my siblings' family ever. So you want to marry a cousin? Go ahead. You don't want to? Go find find a halal body. How do you feel about marrying a cousin? It's disgusting. Yeah. There's so many other people out there. There's so many. There's literally billions. There's so many other human beings out there. Why on earth would you? But have you had a hot cousin? Yeah I had a sex dream one of my cousins years ago and I'll tell you what Christmas is still funny because my other cousins know about it. No he was a Mormon so it would have been not that

Starting point is 01:18:44 gross. No I'm kidding. No it's still gross. It a Mormon, so it would have been not that gross. No, I'm kidding. No, it's still gross. It would be halal though. It would be halal. It would be halal. I didn't know it was clean. No, it's disgusting.

Starting point is 01:18:52 I don't understand. There's too many people. Why do you want anyone who looks like you? I know. I'm a pulse. Also, don't you want to just get out there and meet somebody? Change up the vibe here.

Starting point is 01:19:02 That's why I get a new family. Also, do you love your family that much? You're like, keep it in. Just keep it vibe here. That's why I get a new family. Also, you love your family that much, you're like, keep it in, just keep it all together. This tight? Yeah. But this is England. That's England? England, they're all cousin fuckers.

Starting point is 01:19:14 That's why they're all like the same. Well, the Royals all fucking married each other. Most of that island is inbred, you know? They fuck their cousins and stuff. That's why they look like that. That's why their teeth are like that? Yeah. You look at like Scottish and it's always, you're like, they fuck their cousins and stuff. That's why they look like that. Why, is that why their teeth are like that? Yeah. You look at like Scottish and it's always,

Starting point is 01:19:27 you're like, the fuck's going on here? Cause they're on an island together and they all fucked for centuries. But now I feel like there's enough people, yeah, yeah, you wanna change it up. That's why I want a whitey. I want a big ol' whitey, mix it up down there. Mix up the James Paul.

Starting point is 01:19:40 Yeah. Fuck yeah. Yeah, yeah. Get out of Bulgaria. Get out of Bulgaria. Get out of Bulgaria, slop it around. I find that it's also like, you have no personality,

Starting point is 01:19:51 that you have to just rely on talking to your family still. This is ridiculous. It's absurd. Get out there. Change your eye color. Are you ready to go in and get your eye color changed? No, I can't do this. I'm excited.

Starting point is 01:20:01 I've been wanting to do this for a long time. Everyone's been wanting to do it. Do it, I can't do this. Your eyes are gross, lady. No, this, what can't do this. Been wanting to do this for a long time. Everyone's been wanting to do it. Dude, I can't do this. Your eyes are gross, lady. No, this. Evergreen. What are your friends and family thinking? Friends are really excited.

Starting point is 01:20:11 Let's do this, shall we? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I can't do eye stuff. I know, it's so hard to. No. Dude, fucking with your eyes, just for the color of your eye. Oh! Oh, God. Fuck, dude.

Starting point is 01:20:24 I can't hear it, I actually can't, dude. Oh my god. Jesus Christ. And they don't look like real green. They look like alien green. She's got like vampire green. No they're not, they look crazy. What do you think your friends are going to say? They look like an alien sleaze deck?

Starting point is 01:20:40 I can't, I really, I- Dude, she does not look good. Ugh. They didn't, I really, I- Her eyeballs are like, uh- Ugh. They didn't even put her out? You can't fucking do anesthesia for that? Yeah, those are Hulk green.

Starting point is 01:20:56 You know what I mean? Like, incredible Hulk. The idea? They don't look like, oh, your eyes are green. They look like fucking screaming green. As if anyone stopped her on the street or commented on it in her video, They don't look like, oh, your eyes are green. They look like fucking screaming green. As if anyone stopped her on the street or comments on an interview. God, your eyes are poopoo cock. I can't look at you. Disgusting eye pig.

Starting point is 01:21:11 That's insane to get that done. So crazy. That's so gross. Literally looks like a lizard person. I would do this though. The guy who lives out here. Have you seen the lizard guy out here? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:21:22 That guy's dick better be green. It pisses me off. If that man's cock is white, I will, that's psychotic. Which guy? Lizard man out here. I always see him out here. You can't go full lizard and have a white dick. No.

Starting point is 01:21:34 That's nuts. I'm sure he doesn't. You have to have tamed balls and noise. Has to be. Dude, it doesn't look good. What a strange surgery to get. You know why? Because they need to have like,

Starting point is 01:21:44 there needs to be some contouring or some blending of dark and light. Like it's all just light. It's all green. Like if I get a hair in my eye, I leave it. I can't even touch my eyeball. It's gone.

Starting point is 01:21:55 We're done now. There's hairs in my head. Would you do eye surgery? Never. If I have the laser, I'm gonna have fucking bottle caps. I'm gonna look like you two. I'm gonna tell you right now.

Starting point is 01:22:03 I ain't fucking ever. I can't put a contact in. No. I was always scared. I'm like if I got an acting I'm gonna look like you two. I'm gonna tell you right now. I ain't fucking ever, I can't put a contact in. I was always scared. I'm like, if I got an acting role, I was like, you have to, I'm like, well then I'm not doing it. I can't touch my, this guy, this guy's dick better be green. You cut your tongue, you put inserts in your head. He doesn't have dick pics out there?

Starting point is 01:22:18 He's gotta have dick pics. There has to be. He's gotta have dick pics out there. And he's definitely modified his dick. You can't go this far. Right. And be like, oh, here's my normal dick. No. Like, he's gone far.

Starting point is 01:22:29 Does it say? He's done more stuff to his dick than his face. If you search the dick... It's all dick stuff. Liz and Ryan Austin dick. No, there's nothing he didn't touch. How about just nude? Why did gay porn come up for that?

Starting point is 01:22:49 Well... I don't know. Okay, well we gotta call him up. We gotta find you. I'm actually surprised you don't have his number. Sir, bring your dick in here. Call him up. Alright, we have to wrap this up, but Steph. Thanks for having me. No, we're so- Thanks for quizzing me. First of all, you're gonna pass your citizenship test. I'm very, very proud of you. And also you can finally just renounce your Canadian citizenship. It's a big deal. Do you have to renounce? No, I'm getting dual citizenship. Of course, you have to burn your passport.

Starting point is 01:23:14 No, but so proud of you and happy for you for Filth Queen. Yes, amazing. And great title by the way. That's really funny. June 24th on Netflix. If you've never seen Steph, she's absolutely hilarious. Please watch the special. Don't forget to pick up her hustler spread

Starting point is 01:23:32 And then her and I don't know if her and Tony John they're gonna work together in some way, but it's gonna be I'm gonna see him. I'm gonna see this. I'm over going up We go up there, you know what if you go see Steph on tour, which you absolutely should bring her some homemade poutine and just show her a good time. We love you. Thank you for coming. Thanks for having me. Oh my gosh. Thank you. See you guys next week. Y'all think this a game, huh? Well, y'all come to Camera Group. Come on! I don't care where you're from. Rose Bridge, Opelousas, Church Point. Come on! Bring it to me!

Starting point is 01:24:15 Ah-ha! It's beautiful. Ah-ha, big ass! One time She got a little brick building One time She got a little brick building One time

Starting point is 01:24:32 She got a little brick building One time Ay ay ay She got a little brick building One time She got a little brick building One time She got a little brick building

Starting point is 01:24:42 One time I'ma jail her all alone Yeah, they got some booty over there, yeah, mama. Yeah. What are you, maman? Yeah! Doesn't matter if she young, oh oh Yeah, I wanna eat your feet Yeah, I wanna eat your feet Yeah, I wanna eat your feet I want your feet Yeah, I wanna eat your feet

Starting point is 01:25:36 Doesn't matter if she young, oh oh Uh huh One time, ay-ay-ay Me now, how you doin' my baby? I been alright, yeah girl Y'all got to play this music When I say I'ma make you feel like a woman I'ma make you feel like a woman, I'ma make you feel like a woman, straight up in God's eyes. My baby girl, when you gonna let me touch your ass, I promise you, it's church.

Starting point is 01:26:18 Oh yeah, my baby, it's church. My baby girl, I'ma make you feel good, baby. I promise you, Ingo Dye, the way you been an over like this, just give me one chance, please, my baby. Yeah, give me one chance, my baby girl. I wanna eat your ass one time. Ay-yaai-yai!

Starting point is 01:27:00 One time! She got a little brick building. One time! She got a little brick building. One time! She got a little brick building. One time! Ay-yai-yai! She got a little brick building, one time. She got a little brick building, one time. She got a little brick building, one time. Ay, ay, ay. She got a little brick building, one time. She got a little brick building, one time.

Starting point is 01:27:12 She got a little brick building, one time. I'ma get hard rolls up. But come on,, show me! Yeah! Be a woman, it's church! One time, she got a little brick building. One time, she got a little brick building. One time, she got a little brick building. One time, ay-ay-ay.

Starting point is 01:27:58 She got a little brick building. One time, she got a little brick building. One time, she got a little brick building. One time, I'm a little brick billy, she got a little brick billy, one time I'ma tear her drawers up. Yeah my baby girl, Gabriel, I'm looking at you girl Yeah, you beautiful baby Yeah, they got some bull over there, yeah, mama I'm telling you man, that bull is gonna touch your chest Listen to this

Starting point is 01:28:42 I'm gonna eat them little Muslim women drawers Yeah, I'm gonna smoke these drawers When I say I'm gonna smell your drawers When I'm laying down, I'm gonna smell your drawers I mean, I bet you any kind of money You can't put your booty in my face And it doesn't matter if you got a small booty or a big booty Guess what?

Starting point is 01:29:08 You wanna swing out, you know how? I let that ball go Straight up Be a woman When I get through with you, you're not going back to your house. You're going to stay over here with me, straight up. I call it like through with you. You're not going back to your house. You're gonna stay over here with me, straight up. I call it like I see it. Yeah, cause you ain't never had that feeling before. Be a woman.

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Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Steph Tolev is NAUSEATED By Cool Guys | Your Mom's House Ep. 814

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