Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Sydney Castillo-235-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: July 2, 2014

You guys are like salmon. You say you're more smarter, but ya'll are the stupidest mutherf***ers we have ever seen! Just kidding - we Love you!  The Mommy Dome is happy to welcome Christina's fellow castmate from Funniest Wins, Mr. Sydney Castillo! Sydney can come back whenever he wants as he is a total JEANS MACHINE (AKA a Natural Fit).  We break down the difference between Ft. Worth and Dallas, defend abusive coaches, Biggie vs Beatles, Dental Updates, OG WYR, plus the most epic TOM or BLACK ever! You are not prepared for the good times wrapped up in the episode! Stay Social!

Welcome to your mom's house, welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house, your host is Tom Segorong, Christina Bozinski. Mom pull up your jeans, boy, pull them up tight, But you're out of his shit, all in your whole life, blind bikes. Next stop, ground talk, you better wipe down, Don't hesitate to listen to their mommies with the crown. Or wipe down, or is it a wipe-up? Oh my god, seriously, bill a rap, I'll sell a shot.

Oh yeah, and that's gooder than a bitch, I'll be flossin' my team, 28 inch rim. My team be off, be shinin' man, hunky ass white, Who just bought it, wasn't the old man, all I know is bikes. Hey buddy, guess who it is, man, it be top dog, Spread the knowledge all about the shits. Mommie T and mommie C, flexin' on the gutters, Guess watchin' clips and talkin' shit, the mommie is the best.

But I want to say this once we pull the shit out, man, mommies for life. Fuck bein' a bro, yo. Ooh. That was incredible. Do you love that? I do, I wanted to rap over it. I thought it was him at first. I was like, yo, you got bars.

Well, my husband has mad flavor and skills. You'll see that later. We got something for you, man. We got something for you. So, welcome to the show. We got some dates at the top. We have a great, why don't you introduce our guests so people know who they're listenin' to.

Oh, man. You guys, pull your jeans up as tight as they can go. I have in the mommie dome, Sydney Castillo from Funniest Winds. Hey. Thank you for having me, man. It feels good to be here. It's exciting. I have no idea.

Sydney, is there any dates? Is there anything you want to plug? Sydneyisfunny.com. Sydneyisfunny.com. Sydneyisfunny.com. And follow me on Twitter at Sydneyisfunny. I'm Vayne. There you go.

Just so people know, Sydney is spelled. S-Y-D-N-E-Y. Okay. It's funny. Dot com and at Sydneyisfunny on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, all that. Yeah. You guys are gonna fall in love with him.

Listen, the beat playing behind this is amazing. This is from Plum. The group Plum made this for us. Okay. And yeah, I just want to give them a big shout. Oh, I didn't even know that was their name this whole time. Yeah. They're so good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out to Plum. Shout out to Plum. Dude, our listeners, our fans, make the best music. All the music we have at our mom's house is fan-generating. Really? This is from the fans, yeah. Yo, shout out to Plum.

Yeah. This is an incredible beat. I'm bobbing my head, Plum. You did great. Yeah, we got, it's crazy what they've made. Yeah, I do. I'm gonna go, let's see. So next week you can catch me before our Super Show in Toronto.

I'm gonna be at the Fox and Fiddle in London, Ontario on the 9th. I'm gonna be at Absinthe in Hamilton on the 10th. And then we're together for the Super Show in Toronto on the 12th. The tickets are almost sold out. It's almost completely sold out. And it's gonna be bananas. It's July 12th. So make sure you grab the tickets if you haven't already.

From there, I go to Hartford to the Funny Bone, the 17th through the 20th. I'm sorry, where? Hartford, Connecticut. And then Ontario with Christina, the 25th through the 27th. And then the Punchline in Sacramento, the 31st through the 2nd. It rolls on from there. I'm doing Pittsburgh and Columbus and Denver. I got some good people with me.

I'm bringing Jeff Tate, Denim on Denver. Oh, okay. And the full charge is on a couple days too. Oh, shit. So that's that. He's booked out to like 2018. That's what I'm talking about. And then on my 50th birthday, I think I'll be in London at this spot.

Tickets are going so tomorrow. Get them quick. Too many road dates. But I'm gonna have fun with these. So jeans. Yes. Pull your jeans up, guys. Brea, come out and see me.

I'm there this whole week, the Brea Improv. July 3rd, 5th, and 6th. No July 4th show because it's America's birthday. That's right. 12th with my jeans in Toronto. And then August 9th, I'm doing one night at the Ice House Annex. And it's for real mommies only. Two shows, 7.30 and 9.30.

Get your tickets on my website. Christina Commany or your mom's house podcast. There it is. Jeans, make sure you tell everybody where to go, where to shop. Holy mo... Listen, if you're buying toilet, do you... How often do you buy toilet paper, Sidney? Listen, can we curse on you?

Oh, of course. This is a Christian show, but yes, go ahead. I've bought several rolls today. Today. Where's the curse word? I mean, I was waiting for a curse word. I was gonna say how much I've shitted this weekend because of BT Awards weekend. I've partied so much and I don't drink that much liquor at one time.

And all of it came out of me the past 40 dollars. Really? It feels great. It was amazing. Good for you. I love when I think I'm sick. It's like, oh no, I just have to shit. That's right.

Oh, Larry. Yes. So the shitting was out of control this weekend? It was out of control. It's because I don't know how not to mix liquors. If it's there, I'm gonna take it. Yeah. So I had Patron like this in the Neho, something I'm not fancy.

Well, Sidney, I don't know if you know this. We'll talk about your shit at great length later. But did you know that you can automate your life, dude? Like if you go on Amazon and you subscribe, you can get like a fucking silo toilet paper sent to your house every three months and you get a discount because you're buying that shit in bulk. And then you never run out. You never run out.

I need that information. Yeah. ASAP. Yeah. You can do it with dishwasher detergent, laundry detergent, paper towels, toilet paper. Amy. This is Amazon? Yeah.

This is amazing company. Yes. They're gonna be big one day. Interesting. They're going places. They're going places for sure. And here's the key to that, guys. If you subscribe to stuff, go through your mom's house podcast.com, go to our homepage,

click on the Amazon banner. It'll take you to Amazon through there. And then you can do all your shopping. And then we get a kickback and it helps the show. Yeah. And some people, like even today, somebody hit me up that they couldn't see the banner on whatever they were, you know, what's it called on some fucking... Oh, I use a fart fox.

Yes. Something like that. And then they're like, oh, I switched it to Google Chrome and now I see it. Look, we don't own your devices. Yeah. I don't know. You know, come on. If you don't see it, you got to switch your internet explorer to something else, okay?

Because I can't... I mean, everything that I have it on, I see it fine. Me too, Tom. It's not our fault. You tell that person to grow up and find it. Come on. Grow up and find it. And don't listen to Sydney.

Don't you send your feedback how you couldn't get to it. Have more in your life that you have to do. Thank you. Then contact them and say, hey, I clicked on the banner. It didn't grow up. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Sydney's usually never reflect the show and he kind of just numbs it. So, but we do thank you for shopping through our Amazon banner. It does help the show immensely. So please continue to do that. And all you just need to go is to our website, MomsHousePodcast.com. Oh, and get your greasy shirts. Yes. They are going out fast.

We're only going to do one run of them guys. We've already sold out of some sizes. So there's some sizes that are not there and they will not be redone, but there are new ones coming pretty soon. You'll hear soon about the new ones. You're going to get your life when you see these next shirts. Who is that? Who says that?

Tiffany Hattish. No! You know who says that originally? Tamar Braxton. Oh, get your life. You better get your life. You better get your life. I love the clips.

Oh, it gets better. You love them. Here we go. You guys ready to do this? I'm ready. Let's do this. Let's start the show. You guys know what salmon does when it swims upstream when it gets up?

You got the fisherman in you? Huh? It dies. It dies. Right now, the fishing player is your salmon swimming upstream. You can try your ass off. We're not seeing ravines anymore. I'm not going to waste my fucking money.

I'm going to have him stew you and go through your routine so you can go in the box and shit all over it when it matters. When it matters with guys out there, you need to go home, look in the mirror and think about Facebook so you can't be smart. You motherfuckers, joke around about being more smarter and you are the stupidest group of motherfuckers I have ever seen. This is big time. Who is Ram?

Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't burn when the fuck is there. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Don Segura. Welcome to your mom's house. Watch how Tom plays. Watch him play. Get it.

Get it. Get it. Solo. Solo. Go Tom. Go Tom. Go Tom. Go Tom.

Go Tom. Go Tom. Go Tom. Go Tom. Take a selfie, baby. Take a selfie, baby. Take a selfie. Hey.

Wow. Wow. Thank you very much. Thanks. You're amazing. Take your time. Wow. That was a lot.

That was a lot, huh? I need a regroup. Can I regroup? Yeah. Shit. What was that? I like that he says more smarter than you. You guys said you were more smarter than everybody.

You motherfuckers are the stupidest motherfuckers I've ever met. That's a baseball coach who got fired. What do you do? There's a couple baseball coaches lately. College coaches. One that one was from shit. I forget what school. Then there's another one.

This guy is from, he got fired from Arkansas Little Rocks head baseball coach. Mr. Scott Norwood. Just like the old Buffalo Bills kicker. He got fired. Start with that. Listen up. I'll tell you that you better pay attention. All right.

Warren, we'll start with you. What's great is that you're going to start getting hung up. Both times they just recorded the coach in the locker room and then they just released the tape. That's the era we live in now. That's how you go down, dude. They just record you. I don't make you go to the Children's Hospital.

I don't make you go anywhere. Let me just start with this. If you think you're fucking big shit right now because you're 4-0, you haven't beat anybody yet. Yeah. What? Nothing. Nothing.

Tuesday night was pretty much horseshit. Take Travis. I'm by fucking here. You know you are. Don't you fucking talk back to me today. Get it. Hey, you want to look out and get the fuck out of here. I'll find someone else to pitch tomorrow.

So far, I'm not firing. Yeah. Well, yeah. It's good. It's good. It's a coach. It's a coach. It's a coach.

What is Nick Saban saying to his players? Yeah, I'm motivated to shoot right now. Guys, just do your best. I want to play for you, coach. Yeah. Come on. You want to fucking go now? There's the fucking door, son.

Get the fuck out, you know what I mean? There's all these fucks without shit. All right, guys. Let's do this shit. Come on. They shit right here, stringer. There's all of you off the shit, right? That noises him trashing all their stuff.

Hilarious. All the shit that you fucking can't take your fucking little pussy ass out there has been done. He picked up a lot, and I fucking got a lot. What did he tell you? But then I have these two friends fucking saying, saying shit. Fucking three years of lying motherfuckers, son of a bitch. Lying motherfuckers.

I love him. I love him. You don't have the fucking guts to look me in the eye either. I'll fucking make a decision if you pitch tomorrow. That's all I'm fucking me out. They're for those. You know what? Right here.

They are. What's your fucking overall record in school? Not very fucking good. Is it? What the fuck? Here's 500. I live in the past. Hey, you know what?

I don't know. Hey, don't fucking this. Get the fuck out. You don't like me to start. I fucking love it. Good. So during his rant, he was like, how good are you? And he's like, I don't live in the past.

That's not even the kid recording. I got a smart ass mind and I don't live in the past, man. It's a wrong answer. Holy shit. I prefer that kind of talk, though. This direct yelling? It's amazing. Every coach in the south.

I'm from Texas. That's every coach in the south. Of course. They curse at you. They throw chairs. That's what happens. Did you play sports, Sidney? I did.

I played high school. I played high school basketball and junior college basketball. And my coach hated me. You're not that good. Talk shit to you? Absolutely. He's like, it goes, the starters, the band, the bench, then you. Oh my God.

That's brutal. It goes, the mascot, the person selling the tickets, then you. That's what he used to say. I love the mascot, huh? These coaches that just lose their shit. It's my favorite thing. I mean, nothing better than a coach. The hell of a game.

Let me say something. As long as I'm in this fucking job. I love that. No, it will be the offensive coach. No question about that. No fucking question about that. Well, he's been drinking. A little bit.

A little bit. That's tango right. Shit. All these coaches, man, they make me so happy when they get upset. What about Rex Ryan? Wasn't he a big? Yeah. Oh yeah.

Love Rex Ryan. Rex is crazy. He says crazy shit. I was actually thinking of a guy, I had him in here somewhere who coached at Texas was it A&M, Mike Leach. He's Texas Tech. Texas Tech, right. And I had some stuff with him.

He is out of his absolute fucking mind. But they were winning. Exactly. It was the bowl game. My boy played for him. Really? Yeah, they went to the bowl game with Leach. Yeah.

The craziest coaches produced some of the best records because if you're a crazy coach and you're not winning, then you need to be fired. But if you're crazy and you're bringing home like bowl games. Well, you played basketball fucking coach night. Yes. He took a shit on the court. He said, that's what you played last night. No, really?

Yes. Really? It's a coach I think maybe Rutgers a couple of years ago who like hit a player. Dude, he threw balls in their back and these are six, eight, nine ball players getting punked by like a five foot nine coach. But he was throwing ball, cursing them like hitting them. Now he doesn't get fired. He got fired.

Yeah. He got fired. But the only reason he got fired again is because they had evidence. Yeah. There's like video. There's like bitches and stuff. And who record? Who was what since the player there?

I don't like the way he's speaking to me. I agree. I cannot accelerate my full sports potential with the curse words that he's using. Yeah. Suck it up, man. You're playing sports for a living. Isn't that enough? I want the Cowboys coach to talk to Tony Romo like that.

For sure, man. Because I ain't going out like that. I can listen to those all day. I know. It's so fun, right? It's great, man. It's fantastic. This is a hockey coach.

I asked you to fucking defend. I've seen you fucking defend before. And you're going to do it here. If that's how we're going to battle, we're not going to have a chance forever. Jesus Christ, how much time do we have to talk about this? If that's all the juice we have as far as competing against that team, we will get killed tonight. And we have two periods here. So I've asked you all to buy into how we have to play.

If that's it, we're fucking done. Pack it up. Pack it up. I know that this fucking team isn't that way. I'm seeing you. Jesus. So we have 40 fucking minutes to go. Take each shift at a time and chip away.

They are not that good in their end zone. And we know our club. That's the biggest fucking positive of our team is how hard we play. There you go. So fucking screw it on straight here. Screw it on. Let's be ready to go each shift at a time. Okay?

So stepping up here. Everybody, help one another. But I tell you, if you're not going to be stiff, you're not going to play. I'm stiff. Let's play. It sounded like he handled them pistols as they exited. I know, right? Take this with you.

You're going to need it. I had an acting coach like this, a hosting coach, actually. It should make people cry in the bathrooms a lot. That's great. But I respond a lot to this kind of banter. You like it. This feels like mom. You know, this is the kind of shit mom would say.

Discipline. It's discipline on a sports level. Sugar coated. Get your ass out there. Let's get in some history here for you. Where are you from in Texas? Fort Worth, Texas. Funky Town, Texas.

Hey, Fort Worth. Funky Town, Texas. Is that what it is? FT is Funky Town. Funky Town, Texas. And there's a real thing for people that don't know about making sure the distinction between Fort Worth and Dallas. Yes.

A lot of people just claim Dallas because it's a big city before. Fort is this own big city. It's pretty big city. It's 30 miles south. Yeah. I've seen you do that before. I'm the funniest when someone said, oh, you're from Dallas. I think Marlon introduced you that way.

I'm from Fort Worth. Yeah. It's cool when people are dismissive. Ah, now you're from Dallas, man. Yeah. They're like, that's Fort Worth. That's not one city. It's two cities.

I'm from Fort Worth City. There you go. Fort Worth, Texas. I got free water burger when I went home. Did you really? Exactly. I love my city. That's awesome.

Water burger's pretty good, too. Yeah. There's a big. Now, it's amazing. It's Amazon. There you go. Boom. Somebody's been fighting back.

So wait. You grew up there? Yeah. I grew up in Texas. I was playing basketball. And I played junior college basketball. And I was like, you know what? I'm not going pro.

This is junior college. And I'm thinking I'm funny. I'm going to move to LA. So I moved out to LA originally to model and to act. Let's get over it. Okay. Let's get over it. Let's get over it.

I had to. He immediately looked at my stomach and was like modeling. But look at my fucking body. And I moved out here. I took up comedy like three years after that. And after I got out here, two years after I got out here. How long did you get? When did you get out here?

When I was like, what, 21? So I moved 21 about to turn 22. I started comedy like maybe 24. So how many years have you been out here though? I've been out here 10 years. Okay. Okay. I'm 32 years old.

We're here about 10 and a half years. Okay. Yeah. And then, yeah. And then, so you've been, do you do the road a lot? Yeah. Do the road open for Tony Rock a lot? Or I had a lot in Texas a lot.

Yeah. That's great. Just left Tampa in probably a Tampa. It was a funny bone. Tampa, funny bone. I've always thought, I don't know what you think of this because you have a personal connection to it. The first time I found out about Tony Rock doing standup, my initial thought was like,

he must be a crazy person because why would you want to do like the same thing that your sibling who is so sick, like the most, like if you're just going to be... You know what? I think when people come, I think they think the same thing you think, or if they've never seen him before. But then they see how... And then they want to seem like, oh, these are two totally different personalities, point of views.

It's hilarious. I've been on the road with Tony for four years. He started off with just like comics, now we're like best friends, like learned a lot. I mean, the first time he told me, this is how he tells you you're going on the road. I walked up to him outside the comic books, like, hey, man, I would love to open for you on the road. He was like, all right, yo, and he walked off, right? And he texted me like maybe two weeks later, and he was like, Schaumburg improv in or out.

And I was like... Wow. And didn't know how I was getting there. I bought a standby ticket. Almost got left in my city. I left the day of the show, which I now know not to do, but I left on a Thursday on the standby flight trying to get to Chicago. Holy shit.

And I made it to the show by like 30 minutes before he didn't know. Wow. You walked in like, everything's cool. Yeah, it's cool. Let's do this. But you know what I mean, though, right? Like if you're like, oh, my, you know, my brother's prince, I'm going to start singing. It's crazy.

It's an initial crazy thought. Yeah, a lot of people, I mean, I think a lot of people get shocked when like a Tony but then they see him. It's like, oh, it's due to Larry. He's a super talented. Yeah, he's a super talented. And they are two different people. And I think that's what you do learn, you know, the expectations obviously not ready

for him. Like we talk about all the time, like when he drops his special, I think any question you have about a comparison will be done because you're thinking the masses will see his point of view and how it's different and how he's, yeah, well, I mean, my old thing, I mean, I'm not knocking Tony. No, no, no, no, I know just this happens a lot like people think or say, you know, just because it's Chris Rock's brother. Right.

Yo, you know, how is that? Because he's like the comic of our generation, basically, one of them. Yeah, for sure. Chris. I don't think Tony's trying to necessarily like attain his, you know, I mean, just I think he's just trying to be the best I think that he could be, which is damn good right now. Right.

Yeah. And it's in people. I mean, in LA, especially, people have been talking about how funny Tony is for a while. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's like has a reputation for sure. Listen, I didn't realize like that's my first time on the road, like fan life and like women outside and like, you know what I mean, all that crazy walk into a club for, we want

to include free, like they took us in the back and gave us 10 shots is like, what is this for? He's like, this is for us. I was like, what do we do? He's like, because we're comedians. It's like, this is, this is what it's like. So that's what you think life is. Man.

That's the first time I was like, yo, everywhere we go. That's pretty wild. Not so much if you're not touring with Tony Rock, huh? Yeah. And he made sure I'm staying in his hotel, which is dope as a feature, so I don't have to pay for that. Oh, it's really cool. That's all right.

That's my shot. Tony Rock. I love you, man. Happy birthday. Oh, it's his birthday. It takes courage, though, to step out from the shadows of a really famous family member. For sure. Especially as huge.

As far as I know, they have another brother doing it, right? Jordan. Yeah. In New York. Yeah, he's funny. He's young. Yeah, he's like 20. I don't know how he's young, but he's funny.

Yeah. And that's their brother. Yeah. Yeah. Well, even if you look at like the Wayans, which is the legacy showbiz family, like imagine the first brothers, cousins, whatever to step out and be like, I'm going to do this shit too. Yeah.

It's like, I mean, Damon Jr. had to go through the same thing. Like, you know what I mean? For sure. Damon Jr. was first starting. Yeah. He would call himself Kyle, he would call himself Kyle Green. I was like, I know it's you. You know what I mean?

And now we're friends and everything. It looks so much like his dad, too. Yeah. And he would try to like block it because he'd want people to say the same thing, like, oh, you're just doing it because you're dead. And now I think Damon Senior will say that he thinks Damon Jr. is one of the funniest people in the family. Well, yeah.

And just because, and it is in your genetics, it is in your DNA to be funny. You know, I don't know. It's hard. It might even be harder if you come from a comedy family, I think. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it's definitely hard. Like it would have been hard for Damon Jr. because his dad also is like, he's incredible.

Yeah. Yeah. That dude's hilarious. Damon Jr. is very handsome. Have you seen him? Very handsome. Very handsome. But Damon Senior is a funny motherfucker.

Yes. And he has like. They're a tour now. They're a tour together. Yeah. All the brothers. The Wayans is this. Damon and Keenan on tour.

Holy shit. Oh, man. Craig. How are they going to chop up that fucking money? Huh? Man. Everybody does an hour. Yeah.

Sydney, I liked you. You were like one of my favorites on the show, I think. Which show? Funniest Wins on TBS Fridays. Oh, yeah. Real talk. Oh, yeah. Real talk.

Oh, yeah. Real talk. Oh, yeah. Real talk. Real talk. So Sydney Castillo and I are on TBS Funniest Wins together. We're castmates. We're castmates.

We spent a month of fucking craziness. It was a hard show to be on. I don't know the audience if they can see that yet. I mean, like, you could tell in the first episode, like, I'm like, okay, well, all the cameras are around. This is weird. Like, I'm used to just like, give me my task. Let's do this.

Yeah. But it's like, I think it's an adjustment, but like, it was cool getting no cool people. Yeah. Christina, listen, Christina is a cool ass person. Thank you. Thank you, Sydney. And funny like, naturally, where she is not trying to set up a joke. Some people in life are always on.

Yeah. They think they have to always, especially as a comic. You don't know how to just be natural. Exhausting. Yeah. It's like, stop trying to pitch me a joke. Like, I can just talk to Christina just about anything. Well, and that's what I liked about you.

You're one of the few cast members. At least my mark for funny is just being able to bullshit with somebody and then they say some shit that makes you laugh, you know? And you're a nice guy, which is really, really rare. And I believe it's very genuine with you. And you're one of those people on stage even where you can say something really fucked up, but because you're nice and people know that there's not like a shitty bone in there that you can get away with murder, which is great for a comic.

For a comic. That's key. Yeah. Listen, I have real, I have had real gang members come up to me like, hey, homie, you funny, homie, don't give up on your dream. Like you just keep pushing at it because you're going to pull through on me. Yeah. For real.

My grandma might think you funny too. I appreciate it. Thank you. Is that happening right now to you? Listen, as it was at the comedy union, this dude came up to me. Hey, homie, I talked to you for a second. I was like, oh, goodness. That was gonna be a trouble.

Does N still run that place? Absolutely. I started comedy there. Really? I started comedy there. I think we all did. That's one of my first rooms. Yeah, me too.

DJed. Listen, that's why I got my heart broken found about bringer shows. I brought people from BJs. Yeah. So did I. I brought like a bunch of people one night. Put me up the next night. Next week was bringer show.

I brought like two people. I was still hype. And he was like, you can't go up. I was like, why not? So he didn't bring it. And then I brought two people. You can't go up unless you bring seven. I was like, what?

What? Yeah. Those are shit days, man. Fucking bringer shows. But maybe you can answer. Tom and I have been having a serious debate. Maybe you can weigh in on this. Let's say it's your birthday and you can have two bands possibly play at your birthday party.

Do you choose? Yeah. Here are your options. Here are your options. Just hear me out. It's either a David Bowie. Okay. Or be Biggie Smalls.

Biggie Smalls all day. Wow. Wow. I mean, do I even know you? All day. Biggie Smalls. Okay. Here's the option.

The second option. Go ahead. You ready? Uh-huh. It's your birthday. Go ahead. All your friends are there. I love them.

All your friends and family. And they're like, said his big motherfucking birthday. Biggie Smalls. Uh-huh. Or Biggie Smalls. Biggie Smalls. Oh my God. What is wrong with you two?

Listen, I'm from... What is wrong with you? Because we are... You're the worst. What are you talking about? You two are the worst. We're being honest about what we want. We're not saying.

Yeah, I went with Biggie all day. My family at the Beatles started playing with Go Inside and Play Dominoes. Here's another option. They're talented. I'm just hungry. All right. Here's another option. They either you get to watch Biggie and your family dies or the Beatles and they live.

I would suffer through the Beatles. I'm kidding. The Beatles are incredible. So suffer. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Unbelievable. You guys.

I would try that band. I'd call the Beatles. I'll be diplomatic. You'd watch your family die and go to a good show. It's a good fucking show. We would go to the Beatles and I'd look at my family. I did this for you guys. You have to listen to Ellen or Rigby.

I know you don't know this song. It's okay. That's hilarious. Believe me, there was like a thousand emails. Heated debate. This was a heated debate. Okay. Big issue on our show.

Because I was like, why do... I know that the cool answer is the Beatles are the great, but I was like, but I don't want to... My personal experience. I would love to see Biggie. Yeah. Did you ever sing? Did you ever get to... I did not.

You were like 12 years old. I did not. I did not get to sing. What's your favorite Biggie Small song? All of them. That's a good answer. All of them. Okay.

I feel like I need to get to know you more. Can we do the original would you rather on him? Right now? Yeah. I feel like... Let's do this. Okay. We need to also do a dental.

Okay. Anything? I feel like this is Sidney's first time. This is his first time. We got to really break him in. All right. Let's do this. You'll see.

It's a lot. Yeah. It's the remix. The Cosby remix. Okay. It's called the Cosby Jell-O remix. That's what it's really called. That's the best.

Okay. So Sidney, here's two scenarios. Would you rather you have to choose between them? Okay. Go ahead. I'm going to show you one this morning. All right. And your whole family is there, your Nana, your, your aunt's, just everybody, and you've

got-you're like, come on, everybody gather around the TV. I want to show you this video. And they're like, we want to open presence, but you're like, this is going to go first. You're going to like this even more. And you can pop a DVD in to show them. And the DVD is of two things. Here's your two options. Right.

You have to pick one. It's going to be messed up. Go ahead. Yes. Yeah. And you masturbating to completion. Uh-huh. Wow.

It didn't even faze you. Yeah. I'm like, oh, or, or. Oh, yes. Wait a minute. You masturbate to completion, and then you go, Merry Christmas, everybody. Oh, I forgot that for you. I grabbed the camera, looked at the camera's face, Merry Christmas, Nana.

Yeah. And then you press stop and you go, you guys ready to open presence? All right. Or. Or. Or you, well, what do we do this for guys? It's for, it's women. Yeah.

So, uh, 12 homeless women, uh, is it to urinate on your face? No, they masturbate, but like squirt on your face. Oh, they squirt on your face. But they have like crazy. Now, what city do these homeless women come from? Like Miami? Fort Worth. Home?

It's your home corn advantage, buddy. It's uh. You know what? I'm going to be honest with you. I'm going to, I'm going to jack off on camera. Wow. Take us through it. Why?

Why? You know what? Because I don't know what those women have been. You know, I don't know what's coming out their body. I know what's coming out of mine. Wow. And at the most, I'll ruin my little cousin's childhood, but it's okay. I'm going to be so successful, I'll pay her to delete those memories.

Okay. And I could, this will be a story to tell forever. Like you remember that time the city jacked off on camera on Christmas and said, yeah, a great open presence? Like that memory can't be forgotten. And that's what I live for. Wow. That's fantastic.

And I love that he's, his thought is that I'll just pay to take care of this problem. That's right. Because you can't throw money at anyone. You can throw money at problems. If you're a psychologist in a car, how about that? I was like college in a Prius, you know what? Wow. Wow.

That's the first time. That's a very interesting take. Yeah. Nobody's ever had that. Very good. Because usually I come at it from a shame thing where I'm one of my least ashamed of having my mom and dad see, do you take the shame and you, you choose to be responsible for the shame of masturbating.

Listen, my dad caught me masturbating when I was like 15. This is a true story. I was master. I was actually finishing in the trash can and I'm honest with you, I was actually finishing in the white, there's a white wicker, like trash can and I was like, huh, right? And then I turned around and my dad was in the doorway. I was like, huh, huh. I don't look back.

He's like, when you're done, I want to talk to you. And I was like, oh, oh, oh, I think we'll have to have a conversation with him. Wait, how was, how was he mad at you? My dad was in the office. It was my dad and my mother. My mother, she was like staring at me on my right. Right. And my dad was straight across from me.

He was like, so that's what you're doing with your life now. Right. And I was, I said, dad, are you telling me you've never masturbated before? Like I'm weird. And then my mom, but she hit me on my shoulder. Don't be a smart ass. I was like, I'm being honest. And I got punished.

You did. And I looked at my dad and I said, dad, man, the teenager, like, I'm, you go throw me here by myself. You've never done this. He was like, go to your room. I was like, isn't it weird? My dad, I went to my room and did it again. That poor wicker basket.

It was Shannon Tweed. That's when I first discovered my size. It was a showtime, I think. Yeah. Shannon Tweed. Yeah. It was Shannon Tweed. And remember back in the day, the cable, you hit one button and one button.

Sometimes if you put them together, you can hear the noises through the scramble. Listen, if they ever left me alone at home, $90 worth of porn was an ordered pay-per-view. Spice. Really? Right? Spice. Oh, Spice Channel. Oh, Spice was the shit.

Shannon Tweed. Okay. I'm going to look her up. Yeah. She did a lot of those skin and makeup shows. Oh yeah, dude. Yeah. That's when dial-up was hot.

My dad was so not cool about like, it wasn't that he wasn't cool, he was just like, instead of like being like, it's all right, like it's a normal thing. The first time I was trying to like have the conversation, I didn't know how to, so what I did was I jerked off in the shower and then I tried to tell him, but like, I tried to lead him in. I go, hey, I was taking a shower and then I was like washing myself and then like this stuff came out. And I was like hoping that that would open, that he was like, just don't shower that long

next time. And then he just walked away. That was it. That was it. And then the next time I just straight up asked him, I was like, I'm going to ask him about masturbating. And I was like, so like, you know, like do you masturbate? And he was like, nope.

And I go, have you ever? And he goes, one time. One time. And I was 16. All areas. Wow. And I was like, and that's it. And he was like, yep.

That was it. Wow. That baby oil and lotion had a different feeling, you know, and then you found your favorite lotion, which you sort of hide it, you go get you some eggs and bacon and some cocoa butter. Right. So mom. Do you still have your favorite?

Do you still have your favorite? Absolutely. Which is, what's your favorite? If I have to do it by myself on the road on like a Thursday night show, I would say. Oh, that's the beginning of the week. And then does it change? Yeah. You know.

Cool. I would have to go with. I would say cocoa butter. Is that Juergens? Is it? No. Is it a different product? I think it's like $12.

Wow. Nice lotion. Yeah. If you're going to, you know, you're going to do it to yourself. Yeah. You may as well splurge. Yeah. You don't want to go for a dry rub.

I don't want to feel like no hoe. Yeah. Tell me, are you a dry rub or do you? I'll use antifreeze because it has like a totally effect. Yes. But yeah, I do dry jerks a lot. Yeah. It takes my skin.

Really? Shampoo to burn. Shampoo is awful. Shampoo? No. No, I don't do any of that. Oh, sorry guys. I was a rookie.

Didn't know what I was doing. I was in Seattle. I was bored. Wow. Now, do you masturbate more when you're depressed on the road? Do you find there's a correlation? I'll be honest with you. I don't need a reason.

It could just be any emotion. Yeah. You're alive. You know, you, yeah, like in the morning or like, you know what I mean? It's like, if I, you know, if I don't have time to go have sex, but I do have time to release myself. Right. Yeah.

So it sounds like boys use that as a way to not feel stuff like I eat to not feel stuff, but you guys use masturbation maybe to not have to feel things. It'll be weird. I can be sitting there. I'm like, oh, I need to masturbate. Right. Let me get this out. Oh guys, I couldn't find my thing for it, but I wanted it.

I got to play this for you. I think this is the one, uh, let me see if this is it or not. This team, this felt like they were entitled to something just because the team before us won 11 games and some of us participated in that. Well, that's fucking bullshit. You see it happening around the country with some teams too. You know, everybody says, what's wrong with this team? What's wrong with that team?

Odds are something similar. Odds are something similar. Similar. You know, as a team, we act like, well, we're 11. We're having a two and we just have to fill a fuck that, you know, as a coach, I didn't call one again. The plays I call last year, they're all last year. They're just that last year.

As a player, any play you made, that's all last year. And I'll tell you another thing, some of you motherfuckers didn't play a snack last year. I mean, if you're a receiver, you think you've got credit for Michael, one of Michael Crabs these plays? You're out of your fucking mind. Michael Crabs made that play. Adam Harrell made that play. Ronan Reed made that play.

And over there on defense, same thing. You know, you think that, you think you made that, no, no, Sharpening made that play. Daniel Sharpening. I mean, Garcella Macbeth made that play. Not you. I'm almost certain this has my favorite expression ever coming up. Go right ahead. Not you.

I mean, none of that shit adds up to this fucking year. None of it. But the thing is, it hadn't sunk in. And as coaches, we failed to make it sink in for the duration of this year. Now, failed to make it sink in. Well, how do you make it sink in? Well, you start by probably cutting some people. You start by getting some people that are more mentally tough.

You start by pinching some people. You start by rolling the fuck out of somebody. I mean, that's a fact of the matter. But I'll tell you, here's how the season went, with all of our unsatisfactory games. Okay, against Texas, we'll play it close, okay? We play that motherfucker close, and everybody's mommas and daddies are telling them how great they fucking are, because do you play them close? Fuck playing them close.

We lost the goddamn game to the University of Texas, and we could have won the motherfucker. Okay, then based on that, the wealth of material that we did versus Texas, we go play. The honest truth is, we're thinking, well, don't you remember? We're fucking 11 and 2 Texas Tech, and we're just a little too good to play at Houston. When we lost our fucking ass, because we thought we were too good to fucking play, okay? So then, we get out of role, and we do some good things, and we play Texas A&M. And we lost our fucking ass, because we thought we were too good to play Texas fucking A&M. Now, how in the fuck can that be?

Because we beat Kansas State, because we put as many on Kansas State as they put on A&M. Bullshit! How many of those plays were we able to dial up? How many? How many plays were we able to dial up? Fine, and I don't quite understand, I play these motherfuckers, and for two years in a role, we thought we were too good to play. Think about last year's game, with the Mighty 11 and 2 team, that not one of their fucking

plays count this year, we thought we were too good to play Baylor. We thought we were too good. The Mighty Red Raiders, oh yeah, poop, poop, fucking Baylor, fuck you, and fuck me, and fuck everybody. That's it. I love it. That's it. I love it.

It took me a while, but that's it. Fuck me. Fuck everybody. That is the Mighty Red Raiders, but fuck you, and fuck me, fuck everybody. The Mighty Red Raiders, oh yeah, poop, poop, fucking Baylor, fuck you, and fuck me, and fuck everybody. That's great. Come on.

You covered it all. That's everything. You took responsibility. That's right. Fucked himself. That's how you do it right there, man. That's how you do it. Oh, wow.

This is very exciting. Number two. Sydney Castilla. This is so exciting. You know what? What's up? I don't feel like we're having enough fun. No?

We've got to amp it up. Amp it up? You know. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. This is just not... I mean, this is not even exciting enough.

All right. Let's step it up. There we go. There you go. Now it's exciting. Now we're ready. It's like morning radio. Let's do this.

So, Sydney, first of all, are your parents still together? They're not. Okay. When did they divorce? They did. My dad passed. That's right. Sorry.

Don't worry about it. I remember that. It's cool. It's funny. Now, Sydney, first of all, are your parents still together? They're not. Okay. When did they divorce?

They did. My dad passed. That's right. Sorry. Don't worry about it. I remember that. It's cool. It's funny.

It's funny when people get uncomfortable. I do remember. That was, yes. We'll talk about that. Now, this is a segment called Dental Updates. Boom. And we discuss our history with the dentist. When's the last time you went to the dentist?

Man, yesterday, because I stay on top of mine. No. It's been like four months. Oh, that's good. That's not bad. That's good. Okay. Cool.

I was lying. It's been like a little over four months. You can be honest. Is it in this year for real? It's not in this year. How many years has it been? It's last year. It was last year.

No, that's November. What was the verdict, though? Are they clean to my teeth and tell me I was good? No cavities? No cavities. I asked, should I get braces for this tooth? I was like, man, you could. But I was like, I'm keeping it.

You don't want adult braces? Yeah. No, it's too much. Your teeth are nice. Thank you. That's just, you know. Give a winning smile. Let's see it.

Yeah. Wow. Thank you. Have you ever had, did you have braces as a kid ever? I didn't. I did. My friend has braces now. Yeah, that's ridiculous.

Yeah. I'm just, you know, you're just sound retarded. You sound retarded. Well, they told me I have uneven gums on my two front teeth and they said I should get like a form of adult braces to pull down the gums. I was like, go fuck yourself. I don't care. I'm going to deal with the uneven millimeter of a gum.

So, but otherwise your teeth are healthy. Any major dental work as a child, any just cavities? No, man. Just, I was pretty a good kid, man. Gums and candy. Oh, your boy. Eight. I'm sorry.

That was good. I even had no dental. Like, I actually, I might have to take my wisdom teeth out. Fuck, that sucks. Because it hurts every now and then. I put ampersal on it. Boom. Yeah, that helps.

I just kind of numb it down. But I have to eventually go get that done. I'm nervous about that. Can I tell you something? You got to do it. If it hurts you now, it's going to fuck up the alignment of all your teeth. And eventually they get infected. It's very important.

When they come in like that, it's very, it's fucked. You got to get it. You just scared the shit out of me, especially with that undertone of the music. True story. True story. It's going to fuck your life up. It is. Because they get infected.

That's the problem. Boom, we'll go back. We're going, we're going soon. Take care of this. You got to go get the all four of them. Next time I'm back, I'm like, yo, take care of that dental problem. Now, which, which ones are growing in? That one and that, the bottoms.

What about the tops? Good. Your tops are, they haven't come in at all? I think they're straight. I think they come in. But the thing is that you go. You go and you. You're very responsible.

It's nice. It's very important. I'm impressed. I don't know. Most comics, a lot of comics come in here and they're like, it's been 10 years. Yeah. I hate the dentist. Of course.

I got to hook up like when I go back home, like to grow in the high school, which she owns a dental shop. So I go see her. Nice. Yeah. It's very important to do. It's a good hook up. Yes, Tommy.

Go ahead. No, there's a, this is supposed to be the all time classic Michael each. Let's see. Inferior team on both sides of the ball is. And in. Listen, his coaches, we failed to get through to him as his coaches. We failed to make our coaching points and our points more compelling than their fat little girlfriends.

Now their fat little girlfriends have some obvious advantages. For one thing, their fat little girlfriends are telling them what they want to hear, which is how great you are. Fat little girlfriends. That's so amazing. Tom, our dog is burying a bone. It's so honest. And they know who it is.

Of course. We're talking to that offensive tackle. Yeah. Fat little girlfriend points more compelling than their fat little girlfriends. Now their fat little girlfriends have some obvious advantages. For one thing, their fat little girlfriends are telling them what they want to hear, which is how great you are and how, how easy it's going to be and how, you know, you know, we, you know, we had a whole bunch of people.

Everybody wanted to win the football game, but nobody wanted to play the football game. Well, I, I mean, that defies every level of. That's amazing. He makes great points. Can I ask you this at the college level? You played college basketball. They never tell you you're good, huh? No, it's always about like getting better.

I always think you could be better. They call your condon names. This sounds so normal to me. What, what kind of name? What, like, what would they say to you? Like, get your slew footed ass down the court. Really? Drag get lazy ass.

You know what I mean? Big head ass, egg head ass, like whatever the head thing. Just this is how they felt. That is slow head. I remember one time I threw up on the court and my coach came out. He goes, Sydney ain't got no guts because they're on the goddamn floor. Oh, that's a great line. It's a great line.

Wow. Yeah. You got to want it. So you really got to want it. You're playing like, you know, fucking want it. We want it too. Chill. Chill.

This is two code division three. This is it for us. Calm down. Relax. Where, what position did you play? I played small four. Nice. What does that do?

I have no idea. What does that do? Small forwards. It's like LeBron James position. I just wasn't as great as him. But you're right there. Yeah, we had similarities. Yeah.

Same position. Okay. Should we take this to the next level? Oh my gosh. You ready to do this? It's really happening. This is really happening. This is the most exciting.

Here we go. Let's do this. This episode. I'm the one that had the elephant thrusting in trees. Shit, man. That's Tom Segura. Buns. He was a for real grimy nigga.

Fuck about a motherfucking red light. Faggot cop can't touch me. I'm out here smoking weed, speeding all that door. Fuck that, that's me. I'm butchering monster on your fucking eyes. It's time for Tom or Black. You fucking fucking joke, nigga. All right.

I'm here smoking weed. Speed. Do you know what this game is? It's very popular amongst our listeners. Let's do this. Let me get my pen. Hold on. I got to keep it.

Very exciting. This game is called Tom or Black. And what I do is I'll play audio clips for you and you have to guess whether it's me sounding like a black guy or a black guy. Boom. This should be good. This should be good. Now, my husband's really good.

Because I got a good black ear. You do? Okay, good. Well, good. Sorry about that. That's what we're hoping. No problem. Let's see.

I'm really curious to see. Okay. You ready to get into it? Oh my gosh. I'm ready. All right. Let's go. Focus.

I'm really concentrating. Fuck with my ass, man. Can I hear it again? Fuck with my ass, man. Yo, this is good because that could be a down south Louisiana, dude. Or it could be fucking Tom. Right. That's the whole game.

You got it, dude. You already got the game. Wow. Got it one more time? Fuck with my ass, man. One more time. Fuck with my ass, man. One more time.

Fuck with my ass, man. Tom. Okay. Vote number one is Tom. Okay. All right. We're moving it along. God damn it.

I swear it again. God damn it. I don't even care which one it is. One more time. God damn it. Man, because the goddamn sounds like you, but the mitt sounds like a Negro. It sounds like a black dude saying. These are chosen for a reason, my friend.

These are good. They're hard, right? It's a hard game. One more time. God damn it. This shit should be easy, but it's not. That's right. I want to change my answers.

You can't change it. Listen. You've only done one. This is Tom. This shit should be easy. God damn it. Okay. So this one.

This last one. God damn it. That's Tom. All right. All right. We're moving it along. Go ahead. Okay.

Hey, yo. That's the sound somebody makes when you get shot. He's like to get your attention. Hey, yo. The shots went out. Listen. That sounds like, yo, this sounds like, yo. I've been in these neighborhoods.

One more time. Hey, yo. That's a black dude. Okay. All right. At least that's a black phrase. Here we go. Tom, you're good.

I feel like I'm all wrong. You want to talk some shit? What a beat, though. What a beat. Come on. There's all kinds of shit in here, man. One more time. One more time.

You want to talk some shit? This is my favorite thing in the world right now. I don't want to play even when I'm not on the show. We're going to call it, can we play the game guy? Of course. All right. One more time. You want to talk some shit?

You want to talk some shit? Black dude. Talk me through your process. What are you thinking right now? Play it again. I'll tell you right now. You want to talk some shit? I'm trying to get rid of the beat and put another sentence before it flows like a black

dude would say it, or is it just that phrase I'm trying to say right? Got you. One more time. You want to talk some shit? That's Tom. I'm fucking all wrong watching. I don't even recognize my own people's voice. You ready?

What do you sound like? I have no idea, man. This is our extra long adit. We're doing a bunch of this. Please, this is so much fun. Here we go for the next one. I left a wallet there. Sorry.

Play Cat Williams again for me please. I left a wallet there. It's black. And if you did that voice, you're amazing. All right, we got that. That's such a black thing. Like I left my wallet there. We got to go back to El Pollo Loco.

I left my wallet there. All right, here we go. It's going on here. One more time? It's going on here. Is it a black woman? Do it again? It's going on here.

Tom, that's Tom. Or a creepy man. Oh man. Hold on. Okay, here we go. This is the best one. Damn, man. I'm going to be singing it all day.

Did you write down what the one is? Yes. Okay, that's good. I can't wait. All right, there's a couple more. Are you ready for more? It didn't take any mess. What?

Hold on. Sorry. It didn't take any mess. Tom. Okay. There's two more. Let's do this. Ready?

Yep. Black dude, that is a gang member. I know it right here. Are you going to repeat that for me? Yeah. He's explaining what happened one more time. So he's upcoming at the top door one more time. How do you, I don't even understand what's been.

He's explaining what's going on. I'm sorry. Can you? That's down south. So I'm up coming up the top road. Going up. One more time. So I'm up coming up the top door one more time.

Wow. So I'm up coming up the top road. Yeah, that's a down south. He graduated. Well, he didn't graduate. He didn't graduate. Because he's not graduate. I meant he's not graduate.

He loves school, but he just had to get that money. Got you. Okay. Okay. All right. Here's our last one. All right. This is amazing.

Here we go. What? One more time. That's why he came through. I think so. Can you say it for me, Tom? That's why he came through. That's why he came through.

One more time. Can I hear that? See, here's the thing. This sounds like a light skinned black guy. Yeah. Tom, you could sound like a light skinned black man. Really? All day.

Like maybe 55. Like one of them smooth player types. But with my, no, if I manipulated my voice. You mean? Yeah. Like, yeah, if you manipulate your voice, because all these, if you're any of these, you're amazing. You can do the ADR for like straight out of Compton.

You know what I mean? Okay. I would say the last one is Tom. Okay. Why he came through? Oh, wait, though. One more time. Why he came through?

Man, Tom, it could be you or just a dude shooting dice. You never know. I'm going to go black guy on that one. Light skinned black man. All right. About the age of 47. Okay. How many did we do?

He did nine. Nine. Let's do one more. You want to do one more? Make an 8 for 10. Bonus. Bonus. All right, I got another one.

This game is so much fun. All right, here we go. I'm so glad you're here. God damn it. We're going to ride the night. One more time. Sydney loves it. We're going to ride the night.

We're going to ride the night. That sounds like Eddie Murphy playing a character. We're going to ride the night. That's black. That's a black person. Biloxima super. We're going to ride the night. All right.

These are hilarious options. You ready to do this now? That's 10. That's 10. Oh, shit. Do you want to know your score, Sydney? Let's just take it through one by one. Yeah?

Yeah, let's do that. Let's do that. All right. Yeah, we'll hear him again. And we'll give you the breakdown of what they are. Hold my strategy. This is... Sorry.

This was fantastic. So, first one up was... Fuck with my ass, man. Was it not? Fuck with my ass, man. And you said this was Tom. Yeah, I probably fucked up. Let me hear it again.

Fuck with my ass, man. Hey, I said Tom. Yeah, here we go. Fuck, fuck, man. Fuck with my ass, man. You're fucking with me. You're fucking with me, man. You're fucking with me.

What? Fucking with me. I'm done. Please! How did I get this out of my hair? So, what it is... It's the best video you've ever seen. There's no fucking going on.

It's a homeless dude in the streets and he's just talking to no one's there. But in his mind, he's getting fucked. He's black. I got that wrong. He's laying on his back and he's got his legs pulled up and he's like, Fuck me in my ass, man.

And he's in an alleyway. He's going crazy. Fuck with me. Fuck with me in my ass. Who's the researcher? Fuck with me in my ass. It's a dude just walked around with his camera. Yo, I got that wrong.

Is that crazy? No. You thought that was my husband, Tom? You did. I thought if he practiced hard enough. Yeah. No, that was... I figured this game, he must be really good at this.

Yeah. He is. I mean... So, up next was... What was next? God damn it. God damn it. God damn it.

That is my favorite. It's funny. It is. You know, it's from pornography. It's the guy ejaculating. That's all ejaculation. Are you serious? Who did he guess?

Did he guess me? Oh, I'm sorry. You said Tom. Yeah. That guy is a black guy. God damn it. God damn it. I'm going to pee in my pants.

I'm watching Sydney's reaction. It's so great. He's mine as well. Yo! Who says God damn it? She was amazing. Yeah, she was amazing. Well, I'm over too.

What was next? Hey, young. Okay. That was next? That's the next question. Hey, young! That's the dude about to get shot. That's the dude about to get shot.

And he said... He said a black guy. And that's me. Are you... Yeah. Yo. Yo. Are you impressed?

I'm impressed. I'm impressed. If you said that, like, I'll peek on the brand and you'll... something's about to happen. Well, funny you should say that, because that's how we discovered Tom's talents. We were on Fairfax, correct? Yeah. And what happened again?

Remember there's a guy? I just went over the window down. I was like, hey, young! I was like that. And this dude was like snapped around and he yelled some shit back. Like, you better find out. Yeah! Yeah.

And that's when we discovered... Yo! I'm telling you, you're yelling me again. I'm going to send something your way. Exactly. Don't you ever do that again. Wait, I thought you were saying, hey, young. What are you yelling?

Hey, young. Oh, young. And that's to give him the heads up that he's about to get shot. I'm saying, like, if I don't know you... Hey, yo! That means you don't know me to be yelling me like that. Right. Who the fuck is this guy?

He has a problem with me. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying. Like, you were fucking shot of threats. Wow, I didn't even... I didn't realize that day. Now, what was next was...

Talk some shit. You want to talk some shit? Yeah. What was the answer? I do. I do want to talk some shit. I would love to talk to you, sir. So, what was Sydney's response?

He said this was Tom. He said it was me. Give me one second here. That is actually... Let me see if this will open correctly. That's this right here. Where is it? Oh, yeah.

What's up, nigga? Shit played that part. You want to talk some shit? What was this? Call me. What? It's from a comedy sketch. His face is so funny.

It's from Brent Weinbach, who's a comedian, made a video called Gangster Party Line. And instead of the 1,900, you want to talk sexy? It's 1,900, talk shit. So, it's like, yeah. You want to talk some shit? Yeah. You want to talk some shit?

It's a pause, but... Call me. You want to talk some shit? Yeah. That is a funny clip. Yeah. That's amazing. I'm bombing at this game.

It's all right. Well, look. What's next? Next is, I left a wallet. Okay. I left a wallet there. And you said that's a dude? That is a light-skinned black man.

Okay. I left a white... You said black guy. That's a black guy, definitely. That, Juan, I have the clip to play for you. Motherfucker. Which means it's a black guy. Can I help you?

What's up? What's happening? Excuse me? I said, what's happening? Who is it? It's Teddy Loom. Who? Teddy.

Loom. What are you looking for? I left my wallet there. I left a wallet there. You left a what? A wallet. A wallet? Yeah, a suede wallet.

Did somebody leave a wallet up here? It said, get some on the side. All right. This is hilarious. My husband's very talented. You had no idea when you came in today, did you? This is hilarious. It's the best time.

So what? How do you say, get some on the side? We actually, that was a real barbershop that we prank called. Yeah, yeah. A few months back. That was fun. And it was in the south somewhere, I believe, right? And then we pranked.

Yeah. No, no. It was here in LA. Oh, was it? And then when I flirted with her, she dropped this on me. Man! That's hilarious. Okay.

Next is, what's going on here? What's going on here? Now, what was Sydney's verdict on that one? Tom. Tom. Here is the clip. What's going on here? And here's the full clip.

I know this house. I came down here. I saw all the limbs and things. And I saw a hole in the window. I said, what's going on here? So they said, you'll need to get a hostel. I thought it was in Jacksonville. Take that black man off.

Who is this man? Who is that man? It's a good question. That is actually a dude in Mississippi. You've said Mississippi at some point, that dude is. See, I know him, but lucky when I hear him. Absolutely. It was a news report, right?

It was a news report, yeah. I don't know. You sound like you. I mean, this is... What's going on here? What was the next one? I didn't take any more mess. Didn't take any mess.

Didn't take any mess. Now, what did Sydney vote? Tom. Here's the clip. Didn't take any mess, as my mom likes to say. That's Tony Gwynn, who just died. Rest in peace. Wow.

Too soon, guys. No, I'm joking. I haven't got any of these right. No, you haven't, Sydney. This isn't good. This is not good for you, Sydney. Am I batting the worst? Actually, yes.

But I'm having the most fun. I do all that I care about. Having the most fun. Yeah, having the most fun. But yes, this is probably... And then next, there's two more, right? Going up, going up top. The black guy didn't tell the black voices.

Okay. Going up top roll. Oh, yeah, yeah. Going up, going up the top roll. Is Sydney sad? Sydney said black guy. And that's me. You serious?

Yeah. All of the hooded sounds come from your voice. Oh, no, going up the top roll. Like that, yeah. You sung, you explained something. And then what happened? So, going up, going up the top roll. You all right?

Going up the top roll. And then what happened? She didn't have your word. So, going up, going up the top roll. You all right? Going up the top roll. And then what happened? She didn't have your word.

Look, look here. How the back got it? You smashed? I'm crying. I'm crying. I can't take it. You smashed? Oh, my God.

I'm not, baby. I don't understand. I understand. What does mean going on the top roll? I was trying to say... Trying to go up over and then he said... No, I was trying to say coming off the top rope. Oh, my God.

I thought you said I'm coming through the top door. They won't have me. Oh, shit. And last one, right? No, no. Next is where we're come through. And Sidney said this is a black guy. Did he get 0 for 10?

So far, buddies. That's it. No, no. There's the last one is we're going to ride tonight. Oh, okay. I know I got this one. I got to get one of them right. Oh, shit, God.

And Sidney said it's the black guy. That's me. That doesn't mean that. Are you serious? We're going to ride tonight. We're going to run tonight. Yeah, that's me. We're going to ride tonight.

You sound like Shrek, like Eddie Murphy and Shrek. That's really what I thought about. This is the best one ever. Damn. I can't believe this. Man, that was the most fun I've ever had on this show. Yeah, I'm going to write a hood cartoon. And you're going to play the voices.

Can I do that? Please? But I'm going to say all the M words. Yeah, that's fine. We're just ADRB and going, nigga. And then you'll just go back to it. We're going to ride tonight. Do you know that my dream is to voice a black character

in something? It's my dream. Yo. He could. This is hilarious. I'm blown away by this. 0 for 10. Black listeners.

I'm not good at identifying black voices. Man. It's all right. They forgive you. The best experience I've ever had. This is the most fun I've had in so long. Good. Now you said you like bars, right?

You like dudes that can spit bars on? You can spit two times. No, I can't. Go ahead. If you start singing like that, I'm going to walk out of here. I wanted to give you some flavor, though. Hey.

This thing is tight right here. Check this out. I just want to say, goodbye. Goodbye to the people who hated on me. Goodbye to the people who loved me. Goodbye to the people who trusted me. Goodbye, goodbye to everybody.

Goodbye to the people who hated on me. Goodbye to the people who loved me. This is not one of them. Kim Jong's mixtape. We've been getting a lot of bad song submissions, and people submit purposely bad songs. Okay, this is really bad. It's horrible, right?

It's drunk karaoke. Well, what's playing the worst song of all time? Oh, the worst. There's a few that are the worst of all time. Let's see. Is it because of this time of year? Or what are you saying? Could be that.

I think it's, it might be about social media. Oh, okay. I see what you're saying. Let's see what you think of this. This sounds... Do you remember the movie, The Last Dragon? Do you remember the old white lady

that kept trying to murder Bill? This is what she sounds like. This is horrible. You don't like this jam? This is Biggie Smalls at your birthday party. Hold up. This one? Do you know what comedy we can get at this? She came up in the party.

She thinks she's hot. This one you're listening to? No, no. Listen to this. It's horrible. God damn it! That's what you do after that. You're a kitchen doll!

Alright. Oh my god. I do want to tell you this though. We have had awesome, awesome submissions from our listeners before. Like one of our listeners, the Ghost Crew, they made this song for us.

It's called No I'm Saying. They use clips that we've played on the show to make a song. Which is badass. That's the next Kanye West. Your listeners are so talented. Really talented. They're talented. Well shit, man.

I think we got a... What's the last thing here? Oh, this remix just came in from Orson. Do you want to hear this? Yeah. I should also please. You just do anything? No, it's a Psyche.

You just do anything? No, it's a Psyche. You just do anything? No, it's a Psyche. You just do anything? Think, think, think. Noooooooooooo! I was celebrated for a sex element.

There's a California family. So drunk. Inspired by that same French excellence. Action please. Sydney, you would, I think you would enjoy this more if you knew. This is Orson Welles right before he died. He was, he was the spokesman for Paul Masson Wine. And he showed up for the commercials.

And they're online, hammered. And like on pills and bloated. I'm just on his death bed. Ah, the French Champagne. He's always been celebrated for his excellence. There is a California Champagne. But you know who needs to be fired? The guy who knew he came in like this.

Put him on his mark. And action. Jesus Christ. Alright, so just a recap. Make sure you guys listen to, or watch these two on Funniest Wins, TBS. When is it air? Friday nights 10 p.m.

Friday nights 10 p.m. on TBS. And Sydney is funny? At Sydney is funny on Twitter. S-Y-D-N-E-Y-I-S-F-U-N-N-Y and my website is sydneyisfunny.com Check his shit out guys. Go see him live. Sydney's super funny.

You're really gonna like him. Thanks for coming. This is the best podcast I've ever been on. Of course. I had so much fun. Y'all listening? I know y'all have fun, but y'all couldn't have more fun. Good.

We'll come back again. Bye guys. Duck smell. Duck fun. Fun fun. Fun fun. Then crazy. Fun fun.

Then crazy. Then crazy. Crazy. Crazy! D制. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy.

Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy.

Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy.