Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - The Cheat Code For Black Comedy w/ Gary Owen | Your Mom's House Ep. 826
Episode Date: September 3, 2025SPONSORS: New Customers Bet $5 to get $300 Instantly in Bonus Bets and $200 OFF NFL Sunday Ticket from YouTube and YouTube TV. Sign up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. ... Here come the Cincinnati boys! Tom welcomes comedian/actor Gary Owen—for a long-overdue YMH hang. They trade Queen City origin stories, first mics, and the wild path that took Gary from the U.S. Navy to San Diego open mics, Black room gauntlets, and a film run with legends like Eddie Murphy, Jamie Foxx, Martin Lawrence, the Wayans brothers, and Kevin Hart. Tom also challenges Gary to a round of “Tom or Black?”, they relive the Def Jam glory days, FSU vs. Alabama stadium suites, Deion “Prime” Sanders, Randy Moss's fishing obsession, Bengals heartbreak, and why standup is booming again. Plus: Tom opens the show 28 minutes in with Ryan's latest interest Brazilian farts. Your Mom’s House Ep. 826 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit http://gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org (CT) or visit http://www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new DraftKings customer. $5+ first-time bet req. Get 1 promo code to redeem discounted NFL Sunday Ticket subscription and max. $300 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: http://sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos . NFL Sunday Ticket: YouTube TV base plan (not included in this offer) required to watch NFL Sunday Ticket on YouTube TV. Subscription autorenews yearly at then-current price (currently $378 for YouTube TV subscribers, or $480 for YouTube subscribers); cancel anytime. Terms, restrictions, embargoes and eligibility requirements apply. No refunds. Digital only games excluded. Commercial use excluded. Additional terms: https://tv.youtube.com/learn/nflsundayticket/draftkings/. Offer ends 9/7/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:40 - Two Cincinnati Kids 00:09:00 - Doing Comedy For The Blacks 00:18:34 - White Audiences Vs Black Audiences 00:25:46 - Opening Clip: I'm Ryan 00:27:13 - Rich Guys Into Deranged Shit 00:31:23 - Working With Comedy Legends 00:36:05 - Gary's New Special & Undercover Boss 00:42:41 - Tom Or Black? 00:46:20 - Florida State Vs Alabama 00:48:30 - Randy Moss 00:54:23 - The Cincinnati Bengals 01:00:46 - Why Move To Austin? 01:05:37 - Closing Song - "Let's Go Water Champ Tommy Buns" by Sweet Mitchel Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.
Welcome to another episode of your mom's house.
As always, I'm joined by my beautiful co-host, Christina.
And joining us for the first time, long overdue, another Cincinnati native.
You can see his special NoS available right now on YouTube.
you can get tickets to see him live at gary owen dot live it's gary owen everybody thank you thank you for
coming in man no this is awesome this is cool we're both um Cincinnati guys yeah by birth and uh I've
heard that a probably 100,000 times in the 20 some odd years I've been doing stand-up and I can't
believe I've never met you that's why everyone's always like oh you must be good friends with gary I'm
like I mean I'm a fan I know who he is but I've never met him dude yeah I never met him that's
wild how comedians will just be in circles and you'll
you'll see your name at a club coming a couple weeks later or something but then you never
really like i've never met that dude for 20 years i've never met that dude that's wild yeah did you
start or did you start doing stand-up dude i started in l.a which is like the the advice everyone would
be like don't do that you move there to be a stand-up no i moved there because i i wanted to do
movies i wanted to do comedy movies and i thought like in my research i was like oh you know what
the trajectory that like makes sense i saw that people would go to the groundlings go to this like the
school they have make it into the sunday company that performs yeah and then uh i was like oh and then
s and l just pulls people from that and then those people end up there and then they end up in movies
i was like i'll just do that that makes sense so i moved there i started the groundlings i started going
through the levels of the school and i met some of the guys in like the class just were like you know
you would like stand-up and I was like I've never thought of doing stand-up and so they took me
around like showed me how they did spots yeah and I was like what do you like how do you do this
and then because of that they introduced me one day and like one of these small rooms they're like
oh he's a comic and I was like yeah and then they're like do you want to do a show next Thursday I was
like sure yeah and then I just threw myself in what year was this 2002 oh wow yeah that was
yeah I was kind of already out there a little bit yeah that's when I
That's when I started.
And then I just kind of, as I started,
well, I fell in love with it.
And then I started to like pull back from the other stuff,
like going to these, you know, improv school and all that
and just focusing on stand-up.
And then it just, you know, took, like, just kept going.
Huh.
Yeah.
That's interesting.
Everybody got a different story.
You started in Cincinnati?
Uh-uh.
I started in San Diego.
Oh, in San Diego.
I was in a Navy.
So I thought, I thought you had to start in L.A.
I didn't think you could start in whatever city he was at.
So I thought you got to get to L.A.
I also thought the whole state of California was L.A.
Right.
So I'm thinking David Lee Roth, California goes,
I didn't know there was a eureka and a Fresno.
Yeah, it's a big-ass state.
Yeah.
So I remember my first day I got stationed in San Diego.
So I joined the Navy because I was in a trailer park in Hamilton, Ohio.
And then I was like, how do you get out of here?
the military was the one place like oh they're going to fly me they're going to actually get me out of this place because I didn't know where I want to go it's nowhere they don't want to be so I was like all right I said if I could just get to California I can start stand up I just got to get there so first two years I'm in D.C. We're in the honor guard and then they gave me a shot to get Stacey's San Diego go yes yeah my first day in San Diego the plan is all in my brain like this is it so I call this place I'm in the phone book midnight
I called this play called the Comic Castle and I said hey you guys got open mic and he said hold on let me check I go huh let me check yeah he comes back it was a
I don't know what we do here it was a comic bookstore he was looking for a superhero named open mic I guess
so he calls back he goes I can't find him can't find him I go what he goes and I'm kind of dumb found the phone he goes man I'm a
for. I go, no, I'm a comedian, man. I came, I've never been on stage. I'm saying I'm a
comedian. He was like, I'm a comedian. He goes, oh, it's a comic book store. Nah, you got to call
a comedy store in La Jolla. And he gives me the guy's number. And then that's where there was
open mic on Sundays. It's the only day you can get up. So I called, I went up, didn't go well.
And Bobby Lee was on that show, though. Bobby Lee was open mic in back then. We started open micing
together, really. He was probably year in before I started. Yeah. And then it took me about
another, God, probably seven months, eight months to get the nerve to go back up
after that first night.
After the first night?
Yeah, because I thought that was it.
Well, there's more, I got kicked out.
I got banned.
From that one night?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What'd you do?
I was 20.
And there was like 10 people in the audience, but like 20 comics in the back.
And they weren't heckling, but they were doing what comics do.
They were giving me the loud, ah!
Yeah, yeah.
Before the punchline.
And, you know, I got this five minutes I've been working on my whole life.
I got, I can't turn right or left.
So I'm getting flustered.
So I just went, I didn't read a beer in my hand.
I go, hey, all your comics in the back, go ahead and keep heckling.
And I go, I'm 20 years old.
I've been drinking in this club all night.
Why don't I call the cops and shut this motherfucker down?
So they, when I saw the mic went off.
Yeah.
The lights went off.
Two of the bouncers just grabbed me by the back of the shirt.
And they threw me out the front door.
and I did like a front roll
and then I
dusted myself off
and there was a guy named Fred
who won America's
funniest home videos
he had the crutches
something was wrong with them
I just remember
he came out with his crutches
and he stood over me
and never come back
you're banned
so I was like
well that sucked
that didn't go like a thought
yeah
and then so it took me like
a few more months
to figure out
oh there's other places
I can go up in San Diego
okay
so then that's when I really got started
and I had to go back
and apologize
eventually
How long was it before you went back to La Jolla's club?
It was probably not a year but close to a year.
Okay.
Because I was starting to do, you know, took me a couple months.
It was like, fuck.
And you remember David Arnold?
What I was.
Passed away last year.
The name is familiar.
He was just, it sucks.
He was just starting to bubble up.
Really?
He was starting to get a Netflix special.
He wrote on a lot of stuff.
Oh, man.
So, yeah, he passed away.
Stammer's, yeah, dang, three years.
Three years ago already.
I had ACL Reconstructive Surgery
And his first wife was my
The girl doing my paperwork on my knee
And I went to her cubicle
And she had all these articles at David
About a comedian in San Diego
I go, who's that?
And she goes, oh, that's my husband.
I go, I'm a comedian
And I'm in the Navy
I've been up that one time
And she goes, oh, I got to get you in touch
with my husband.
So I called him and he said,
All right, man, this is what you got to do.
You got to get a headshot.
You got to get a resume, got to get a bio,
and you got to get some time on a VHS tape.
You got to send out to the clubs.
And I go, so I get a headshot, I get a bio,
I got a fake, everything's fake.
Yeah.
And I'm still in the Navy,
and I'm sending it out to all these clubs all across the country
with no VHS tape, hoping they'd call back.
And so I kept calling him every week,
and he wouldn't return my calls.
I'm like, man.
So then I started going up a lot in San Diego.
and then I started to build like you got your little you know the open mic is its own community sure so
I started to get in with everybody and then they was like you know Gary's pretty funny he's doing his
thing and so finally David answered like six seven months later and he goes hey man I purposely was
avoiding your calls he goes because you were just going to spin your wheels and he goes I answered
all your questions so he goes but now I see you're doing it so then we start talking then we
started hanging out a little bit. That's really where it all got started. And then I had to
apologize at a comedy store because all my buddies was over there. How long did you stay in
San Diego before you went to L.A.? Or is that where you went? You went to L.A.?
I was going to L.A. probably three, four days a week. Once I started open mic and you make that
drive. Yeah. That's so serious commitment. And most of the times I wasn't going up, but I just wanted
to be around it. Yeah. So I sit in the back of the comedy store. I'd just pay, sit in the
back of the original room just watch and then uh and then i started to go up a little bit get some
spots you know it was a kind of shitty rooms and all that and then it just kind of i won the
funniest black comedian san Diego contest insane so wait a minute hold on because like everybody
knows in stand-up that you have a huge black following and that like that's you know it's a
remarkable thing because here's the thing when you when you start doing stand-up there's this thing about
doing rooms that are outside of like who you are in other words there's gay rooms right there's
black rooms there's latin rooms like so it's always a thing to be like hey are you going to do
this this outside room right and there's always more pressure on it because you're not one of
whatever group so you always have like a little more anxiety a little more like focus right you're
a little like hey I mean fucking I hope this goes right and people would always do this thing like
are you going to do the like the black rooms especially felt like they were always the highest stakes
because you know you already knew instinctively that there's a standard that they're going to let you know
if you suck immediately it's going to feel different than like a white club it's going to it's going to feel
different and then if it goes well it's going to be euphoria it's going to be a whole other level and it's like
Yeah. I did, you know, I just, in L.A., you know, I did the Comedy Union, which is on Pico.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. En's his name. And, you know, all black rooms. And then I would open sometimes in the club system for, like, black comics who had all black followings, basically, you know, like everything, like Witherspoon, Tommy Davidson. I went out with Charlie Murphy a couple of times. So you were always like, all right, like fucking dial in for this.
But you, from the, was it from the jump?
Like, you were just like, I'm in these rooms.
I'm just doing this?
Well, when I got kicked out of the comedy store, that first time I ever went up.
Yeah.
I was telling, like, some black guys I was in the Navy with how it went.
I go, man, that did not go like I thought.
I thought I was about to get discovered that night.
Right.
Right.
And you were funny amongst your Navy friends.
Yeah, yeah.
Everybody knew.
I never had nobody be like, you're crazy.
I could see it.
You're funny.
And I could always make the black guys laugh too, which was key.
especially on the ships, because when you're in the middle of water,
everybody sits in groups, like the Filipino guys are here,
the Mexican guys are here, the black guys are here, white guys.
I always sat with the black guys because I like football and basketball.
Right.
I want to talk.
I didn't want to talk race cars or how I hate it, you know,
I hate it my wife's shit type shit.
White guys were really bad at that.
I fucking laugh, man.
I hope she's dead when I get home.
Yeah, yeah.
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dot co slash audio
I don't want to know part of this
so I'd always hang out with the brothers
we could talk shit about basketball
and if you're the one white guy
obviously I would always dig on them
Larry Bird or Joe Montana type shit
so they're the ones
that told me about the black nights in San Diego
they go dude you can go here
you can go here
so with the mainstream rooms
which is the comedy store
and I didn't know anybody else over there
I didn't know where to go
but the black guys told me
to go. So I was like, oh, I can get up three, four times a week. I go, oh, I just want to go up.
Yeah. And I was so naive. I don't even realize I'm in a bad neighborhood. I'm just driving
in. What's the address? Going in. So with all these window bars. I'm not, I'm not just nothing,
you know. Yeah. There's a lot of liquor stores out here. Yeah. So then that's what really got me
into this, quote unquote, the black world. And then at the same time, when I started going to L.A., I did
the whole wait in line for three hours to open mic at the comedy store and though when I finally
got selected the showcase for Mitzie Shore the time I went up I'll never forget it was four
girls of me we were the five and I was the fifth at all of them when I went up to do my five minutes
I looked in the back of the original room and Mitsy's like talking to the other four girls and paying
no attention.
That's how mine went, by the way.
And I know it sounds conceited, but I clearly
had the best set that night, right?
So I was like, I should be good.
And then when they called me a couple of days, yeah,
Missy doesn't think you're ready.
I went, what?
And then, like, I don't know what happened
to the girls, but I was just like, I told
myself, I'm never going up there.
And I never have.
Never?
Just the Black Nights. I would do the comedy store.
I would do the main room on Fat Tuesdays.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But Guy Tori was running Fat Tuesdays.
at the time.
So he'd always give me a spot like once a month, once every six weeks.
So I'd drive up and then I'd go do it.
And then finally end up moving to the air.
But that's really how I started doing all the black rooms.
And then San Diego had really good for the funniest black comedian San Diego contest.
And I won it.
But it was a, it was a fiasco.
It wasn't like the top of the top.
It was really bad.
Yeah.
And everybody was doing jokes I'd heard.
I was like, I've heard that.
A lot of towels.
A lot of music cues.
So I was like, oh, this is kind of, it was a landslide.
It was bad.
And then there was a guy named DeMilatant, Darrell Littleton, who was a producer of Comic View.
And he also went up.
So he's the one that got me out of dish for Comic View.
I got on.
And all this is like within the first two years of me doing stand-up.
This is like 96 and 98.
And then I got on Comic View and ended up winning the whole thing.
so that got me the host of Comic View
That's insane
And that's when I started
Going out the nightclubs and headlining
So I was still in the Navy
When all this was happening
Still in the Navy?
Because I was driving up to L.A.
I wasn't doing any rogue gigs
And I remember my
The only time I ever featured for somebody
His name was Chaz Elsner
At the El Paso comic strip
And they said we're going to pay you $500
Wednesday through Sunday
You gotta get here
And we're
We got a comic condo.
Yeah.
You know, the three of us, me, Chaz, and whoever the host was, we had this comic condo.
And I thought, how are they going to make money?
That has so much money.
I really thought that.
Like $500?
How are you guys going to make money?
I drove.
I took a couple days leave.
I drove Wednesday morning, drove straight to El Paso.
Got there like a couple hours for the show.
And I just remember to make it that week, Arby's had $2 beef and cheddars.
You get two of them.
That was lunch.
There you go.
I bought a box of cocoa pub.
and a gallon of milk that was breakfast
and then I ate at the club
brought something back to the room
I was like
I came back like
400 hours to the good
I was like
oh this is the life
I'm living good man
I was dry
that whole drive
felt like five minutes
that's incredible
because you just want to go up
in a new city
sure
but that was the only time
I feared for somebody
and then comic few called
and that was the only time
I really left town
for a week
where I was in a Navy
so then they called
and said we want to make you the host
and I was like
oh shit I still
got like a couple months left in the Navy here how's this going to work but they weren't filming
for another three months so I just my base and my command got creative and I so I was literally
hosting Comic View and active duty military at the same time but my base was real cool they were
I'm not going to throw them under the bus but yeah they worked away for me to to go record they were
on your side yeah yeah come back down for a couple days you could have had so I'm on the gate I'm
waving cars on me I'm a cop so I'm wearing cars on the bus so I'm wearing cars on the
base and I'm on TV at the same time. That's insane. That's crazy. And your CO was just like a cool
CO didn't know. Oh, he didn't know. The chief knew. The chief was looking out. That's cool.
He basically, I can tell now, he put me on a part of the base that nobody was really paying attention
to. Yeah. And it was like, people were like training to do something. And I was supposed to be
graving papers. Yeah. So I was supposed to be in this office all day on this building that nobody's
paying attention to on the base, graving papers. I wasn't.
in doing that.
Yeah.
But that's what they thought I was doing.
I wonder, as somebody who has, like, conquered this in doing these rooms and stand-up,
what would your advice be to, like, a white comic who's in it for a few years?
Like, he has his act together, has his time, whatever, 10 minutes, whatever it is.
And he's like, I'm going to do a black room tonight.
Like, do you give him any advice in any direction?
No, I say be you.
Just do yourself.
I saw
When I first started coming up
And doing fat too
Didn't see a lot of white guys going up
I was like the only one
I saw Sebastian go up
And destroy
Being himself
But he did the Jamie Fox thing
From Ray
He turned the spotlight on him
Like all the lights was up
He goes no
When I go up
All the lights go out
And you hit me with that spotlight
In the main room
And I was like
And this
I think this is before Ray came out
So when I saw the movie
I go
Wait a minute
that's that shit that did do that guy did at the comments for i didn't really know who sebastian was
yeah this was probably 2000 i'm guessing yeah i saw him just destroy and i was like they i think
with what black audiences and the biggest difference between white audiences black audiences have no
skeletons in their closet if you're if your cousin's special needs talk about it if you're uh
cousins gay talk about it yeah but don't don't try to snowball us right you know what i mean
And I did cheat.
I had a cheat code in the beginning because I would dance.
So I'd come out and put on some, I don't know, Destiny's Child or hip hop, hit him with a couple dances and they're like, oh, shit.
And then I kind of got them.
So it was a little bit of a cheat code.
Bro, I had some dance moves too.
But then when you hit like 35, you're like, I should probably stop dancing.
I remember thinking, when does this end?
When does the dance moves end to get them?
Yeah.
Because, you know, could you come out and they're like, oh.
it's a white dude
then you hit him
with a couple
dance movies
hip hop dancers
like
all right
yeah
I think I heard
a funny
I think I swear
this is
I heard this
I heard this from
Louie I think
once
where he was at
I think at the
improv
the Melrose improv
and it was like
whatever
you know
whatever night
the Monday night
Monday night
but Monday night
was that was
the ghettoist
of all of them
well he's on this show
and they go
they intro
they're like
like the writer-director of Pouti-Tang.
So the whole audience is like, oh, like, they don't know who that is.
They're like, yeah, we know Poudi-Tang.
And then he walks up and they were like, huh?
And then he did like, you know, like a Louie.
I forget what the joke was, but he said that, you know,
he did like some throwaway kind of line and that people were like,
nah, hell no.
I'm just like, go.
Well, what?
I will say.
Yeah.
To go there, like, you know, someone like Ralphie Mae or like Lewis, you know, some guys are like, I don't know, they kind of go there with the race stuff a little bit.
You do have to build some kind of rapport before you go in.
Like I could get away with a lot more than a lot of people.
Yeah, they know you.
Yeah.
They trust you.
Exactly.
Yeah.
I think sometimes, because I, there was always a story about Ralphie May on this thing called the Tom Joyner.
Tom Joyner Morning Show had this big cruise every year
It was just all black people on the cruise
Yeah
And I did it five or six times
Always went great
One year they brought Ralphie
And it didn't go well at all
And it's one thing to get
Bood but to get booed
But to get booed on a ship
Yeah you got nowhere to go
Yeah
And it was
You're not parked in the back
Oh I don't know what Shoki said
But it was something the extent of
I don't want to misquote him
Because he's not here no more
But it was a long
the lines of
I'm shocked to see this many black people on a ship
after all you've been through along those lines
right
it was and they were like this
what and keep in mind
the Tom Joyner Coos is nothing but
college educated black people
they're not a part of that we don't have W2
crowd you know what I mean they're like what
they said it got
they say phones don't work on
ships
bullshit
because my phone
was ringing
really?
Like why do they bring him
where are you at
like why am I the only
guy that can do that
ship they said
but I had to come back
the next year
and that's the first
I said
I said I already heard
what happened last year
yeah
y'all know me here
yeah
yeah but I heard
it didn't go well
but that was like
one of the things
if Ralph would have had
enough rapport
it could have got away
with something
but when you go up
they don't
they didn't know
who you were
yeah
they said it was bad well especially if you like that that's a funny joke it's a funny observation
um if if you're unknown to that like if you don't have the rapport and like you open with that
that that can set you aside because it's different to drop that like 40 minutes in yeah you know
like if you have something going and then you make that joke everyone's like yeah it's funny
but if you like out of the gate like nice to meet you funny that you're here that was what i
heard that was it yeah it was like and they they said oh and then they said he can't because
on this Tom Joyner Cruz, you don't go up once.
You go up like three, four times over the week.
They said he came back the next night to apologize.
My bad about last night.
Didn't mean nothing by it.
And then he did another like, boom.
And they was like, you.
And it was something about, I don't want to repeat it.
It was something about what a black woman's vagina looks like.
Nice.
That was the gist of it, right?
My apologies.
And the only reason I know that is because some black girl came up to me the next year and said,
Yeah, that dude last year.
I don't know what he was talking about.
He was talking about what a black woman was pussy.
What the hell?
He knew what a black one.
I know you know, Gary.
I know you know.
You could have said that because we know you know.
Yeah.
He never seen no black pussy.
I was like, they said the apology went bad.
They said the crowd went.
All right.
What?
What, dude?
Fuck.
Yeah.
Well, rest in peace, Ralphie.
You were from the good.
Yeah.
You know, for me.
me I like dark humor like most comedians but I can see where I went left but I was like
it was kind of ballsy I kind of gave him respect yeah that's right to go there to go for it I was
like to go there out of the gate is different too I mean I think we've all had it where you're like
I'm gonna open with this I mean that's literally that's a boxer yeah it's like Peter McNeely in
that Mike Tyson fight yeah he just said I'm gonna go out swinging yeah I'm coming in just
throwing haymakers from jump so he also said he was gonna wrap him in a coco
of fear right before he went and he's like I will wrap him in a cocoon of fear and you're like
what I think that was the best pre-fight interview was Peter McMillie in the locker right
before he was from my family yeah for Medford he was about to cry like he was he saw his dago
Pete not me no this ain't got this um have you ever seen how this show normally opens by the way
uh-uh this point okay so we usually play an opening clip
clip. I just started it hot, didn't I?
No, no, no, it's perfect.
Okay.
But I'm just going to play you like what normally happens here.
Just that we find a clip and we play it as the opening of the show.
I'm right.
And I want to be farted on by a Brazilian cutie with a big booty.
I mean, there's something magical about getting pink that way.
And then this is how the show officially opens.
Oh.
Yeah.
I think we did right.
I think it was great.
But Ryan wants fart, Brazilian farts.
I think Ryan should be happy anybody.
Farts on the States.
We've played clips of him.
Is he a stand-up?
No.
Okay, good.
I think he works in safety.
Okay, good.
I don't want to see him on the road, like, hey, bitch.
Yeah, I think he has, like, orange, you know, like an orange vest on and putting cones down, that kind of thing.
Is he the guy, you play him a lot?
I mean, we've found a few.
videos of his where he just keeps talking about how he wants a big ass in his face,
which is cool. It's fine. I don't know if it works, but we try to help him by promoting his
message. Now he's saying he wants to get farted on, which is different. You know, you can get
that done. Definitely. Yeah. I mean, for the right price, people do a lot. Yeah, I mean, I've seen
videos where people are like, yeah, this guy pays me 200 bucks to shit on him. I mean, have you seen
the rumor is there's always these
only fans
and Instagram models they go to like the Middle East
and it's supposed to be just
wild shit going on
they're getting flown private
coming back with like 300,000
their bank account
so they want to get pissed and shit on
I go I'm just going to try to be funny
just for me
also
try to tell jokes
the mindset of like
being some
middle eastern
you know
multi-billionaire and you're like yeah I've done all the stuff that you guys turns you on
it's boring to me yeah can I shit on a model like a beautiful can I get a beauty like a 10 over here
and I'll shit on her face yeah and maybe I'll come once yeah like like Jesus Christ with broken spine
and limbs oh you guys went dark holy shit she's 20 she's gorgeous this is a gorgeous
Ukrainian girl
10 days
Yeah
Some guy like
You come here
We give you 100,000
Dumped on the side of the road in Dubai
Holy fuck
She went on
Including a broken spine
That's a lot
She was taking in the hospital
She underwent several surgeries
The officials have explained
They said the model
Entered a restriction
A restricted construction site
Alone and fell from a height
Okay
That's what beautiful
20 year olds are usually like
Are they making a building here?
I'd love to see what type of concrete's being used.
She's going to be all right.
I've read that last one.
Getting medical treatment, everything will be all right.
And she's going back.
She's going back.
With a big bank account.
Come on.
She looks like AI, bro.
Yeah.
That's insane.
Some guy just fucking was like, I wonder how hard I can hit someone.
She had probably had to sign a,
airtight NDA
Holy shit
She declared it
and read it
No
She probably said
If your spine breaks
It's still can't say nothing
You were visiting a site
Right
Fucking crazy
I like how the family's saying
They believe that she did not fall
At a construction site
Like yeah I know
That is the least
believable lie
That that that girl was like
What are they making here
This is cool
Is this a condo
Can I get a tour?
I'm just fucking so insane.
It's like the Eddie Murphy girl died.
Remember that?
The girl that went after Eddie Murphy, like in 97, on Santa Monica.
Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.
And then it was a transvestite.
And then he or she, I don't know which one it was, fell off the roof of the apartment building.
Really?
Yeah.
I don't remember that.
And it was like the route, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,
paper said she locked herself out and she tried to swing in from her shawl from the roof
into her window but the window was closed and she she fell to her death yeah that's a normal
yeah right there look 1998 wow uh sex worker being a police getting emergency SUV is unaware of the
driver who's pulled over police holy shit does it say how she died there you go on april and they
found her down the sidewalk discovered where
only were braw pants in a towel,
which was locked at her apartment
and tried to use a towel as a rope
to slide down her swing from the roof
to an open window.
Instead, she fell five floors,
suffered head trauma.
Yeah, that happened.
Nothing shady there.
When I read that,
that was when you used to get newspapers.
Right.
I'm literally in L.A. at the time.
I'm looking at the L.A. times.
It's like on the fifth page.
And I go, what?
And even, I'm like, what?
How is this the fifth page?
And you never heard,
nothing about it ever no till right here that's really crazy do you have you ever met eddie i did
uh daddy daycare with him how was it it was cool he's just like i was just first of all he really
does seem ageless you know like you're like this i mean basically looks like kind of the same
as when you not he was the he was the coolest like and grant this was 20 years ago we did daddy
daycare but we did uh did the audition got it did um did the take
He wasn't there for that.
We blocked the scene that morning.
He wasn't there for that.
And then when it was time to shoot, he showed up.
Yeah.
And I remember my first interaction is, like, come around the door,
and I'm in this big carrot outfit and Eddie's standing there.
And for literally 30 seconds, I was listening to him talk,
but I wasn't registered when he was saying.
Yeah.
Because I'm dissecting everything.
It's his nose.
Yeah.
That's Eddie's ears, his teeth.
Yeah.
I'm like, because I'm this close.
and then
he did it
and he goes
hey man
he's a funny dude
and he quoted one of my jokes
I go shut up
you know one of my jokes
but he would always be in the back
of the comedy store
on Tuesdays a lot
yeah
and so
he'd always find out later
like Eddie was here tonight
and so
then the fact that he knew
one of my jokes
I was like
kind of validated it
yeah that's so
I mean that's the best
feeling
I mean I have a friend
that knows him
that said that even now
he loves watching he watches specials a lot
like so he sits around and watches
he knows everybody yeah everything
he's up to date with all that shit
I just can't believe that like
in stand-up is like in comedy especially
one of the things
the trade-offs is like
you can be cool
but you're not that cool right like
like Eddie Murphy cool but
like Eddie is like the
exception of like remarkably
funny and he has the
coolness of like a
a leading man action guy you know i mean like most of the time if you're a com like if you do
stand up you just you're not that cool you know you you trade off a little bit of coolness to be
funny and that's my first time me that's you right there that was right there he comes around the
corner you don't talk about nervous holding that goddamn carrot oh my god's hey murphy about to
walk around the corner see if he's about to walk around a corner that's wild oh yeah
That's crazy, dude.
Yeah, that was awesome.
I've been lucky in my career.
I've worked with every A-list black comedian.
Like, I got Jamie Fox, right off the bat, did held up with him,
and then we did rebound with Martin Lawrence
and did Little Man with the Wayans.
Obviously, I've done four or five movies of Kevin Hart.
Like, it's been like, as far as, like, black Hollywood,
I was like, I got to work with all of them.
On the tops here, dude.
I feel like Martin doesn't get celebrated as much as he should.
all that Martin show
to this day
I love how social media
the clips pop up now
they still hold up
they still hold up
man also
in when Def Jam
was like the hottest show
it was crazy
because you would see
like really funny people
but I always had this thing
where I was like
I couldn't wait for him to come back
like I was waiting for the host
even if he was going to do something transitional
like hey give it up
he was because he was so charismatic
and so funny that even 15 seconds of him, I was like, yeah, that was awesome.
Like, I just, he was the original crowd work.
Dude.
You never, I always said, like, the Def Jam that struck me like, oh, the media can
portray somebody one way, they can be completely different.
Remember Derek Coleman from Syracuse and then Detroit and all that?
They always act like he was the biggest asshole and like he always has a scowl on his face.
And then he was in the audience of Def Jam and Martin,
went off on him.
Like talking about he fucked his girlfriend or something like that,
kidding. And this guy's
hitting the guy next to him and dying.
I go, wait a minute.
I thought, I thought he was about to get
out of the seat and beat Martin's ass. And I was
like, he's laughing at that? Oh, I can't believe everything I
see on TV and how they... You can't?
How they show people. Remember, do you watch
the one where he lit up Anthony Mason?
Oh, my God. Him and John Starks was in the audience? Oh, fuck.
Yeah. I remember that.
There were so many good ones.
So many good ones.
But he was like, dude.
It wasn't the same after you left.
This is no disrespect to Joe Torrey.
Then they brought it back years later with Mike Epson, D.L.
It was never like those first three years.
No, that was incredible, dude.
That was the best run.
Where did you shoot?
Because you have a new, you've done a bunch of specials, but the, sorry, the, what's it called?
No S.
No S.
Where'd you shoot it?
San Jose at the improv.
Oh, that's a beautiful room.
Yeah.
Well, this one came about.
it's crazy how it came about
because you know
you work so hard for your hour
when you're gonna get it
and I go all right
so Friday we shot
this one called Broken Family
that's on YouTube
and then Saturday morning
we did two episodes
I mean we did two shows Friday
and then Saturday I woke up
I was talking about Amanda
where he was a coffee shop and I go
did we get last night clean
and she goes yeah I go
I think I got another hour
I think we can do it
What the fuck man
So she was like
Yeah she goes
All right let's write it down
So we're in the coverage out
and we're just writing bullet points down, right?
I go, I got this, I got this, I got this.
I said, I think I got it.
So she, we taped, I remember it was one through 12.
We taped 12 words.
So on the stage,
case I got lost because I was so focused on the other hour.
I know this new hour.
But I knew I had like a,
I only had to get through like 45 minutes
because I had this joke about undercover boss
that was like 15 minutes long
and it's in this special.
And I had shot it for,
of my special like two, three years ago
for Showtime. And Showtime said
you got to take that joke out because
their showtime and
Undercover Both are both under like the CBS umbrella
And that was one of their most profitable shows
And they said, so you got, I go, really?
I'm not even, I'm making fun of it, but I'm not putting it down.
Yeah.
I thought that was a little much.
Yeah.
So I told least, that's what made me think of it
when I woke up ceremony. I said, yo, I still got the undercover boss bit.
We never aired it.
Yeah.
I can do it.
And then she was like,
She's all right.
So we just came with the other 45.
And honestly, it came out way better than what I thought.
I thought, let's just wing it.
And if we don't use it, we don't use it.
But it came out.
I got done with the hour.
I go, that felt good.
Yeah.
We did it the second time.
It felt good.
So I end up getting two specials for the price of one, basically.
That's insane.
It's insane as a comedian that you were capable of doing that.
That is, I mean, unbelievable, dude.
But here's what's funny.
Yeah.
It's the same outfit.
It's the same stage.
Because.
You wear the same shit on both?
Yeah. That's funny.
Because I've only brought, I brought that shirt twice.
I brought two pair of jeans because you got to switch fries there.
I was like, if you watch Broken Family and NoS, it really could be a two-hour special.
Sure, sure.
But that's still so impressive that you could do that.
I mean, that's wild that you just had another hour sitting in your head.
Like, yeah, I can do this other tonight.
Yeah.
Crazy.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it came about because of undercover boss bit.
I was like, that's what the catalyst was.
I can do that tonight.
Oh, yeah, the reality show, right?
where the boss goes in they hide out put him a wig in a fake nose yeah but that was the gist
of the joke was like the going through COVID you start watching a bunch of shows you wouldn't
watch yeah and I go it ruined undercover boss I used to like it but it always ends the same yeah
it's the same it's always a sob story and then they're going to overreact they're going to
I know you work in the warehouse and you have three kids that are in college we're going to pay for
to go to college and then they have to do the thing to the guy that was kind of a dip shit
the way you talked about women's tits was really offensive to me here at hooters we have a standard
we have a standard and you didn't meet that standard don't disrespect them so you can get
fucked and you're like oh wow what a great guy yeah yeah look at this fucking guy
Jesus you don't think the show's on anymore is it not it had a good run yeah that's a real
good run I think we had a um you we we we had
for a movie. I think you got the part because I got called back like two, three times.
You know how you go up for a movie and then you watch it? You're like, I think that's the part.
Did you do a movie with Mark Wahlberg? Yeah. Some family movie? Yeah, yeah. Yep. Yeah, they kept
call me back. Then they go, and then you do an audition and then you're like, just put it to bed.
Yeah. But then when they call you back, you're like, what? Yeah. That's, uh, yeah. That's us there. Yeah,
that's on the set
yeah yeah you were dad right didn't you have babies uh me and um alan rachel the girl there
we were we were a couple that was um I was I was Mark's brother-in-law like her the girl and
Rose Byrne yeah yeah yeah yeah the um that's your audition tape I have no fucking idea
hysterical I didn't mind in my basement I was living in Cincinnati at the time I found out
that they also almost cast God um Paul
Hauser for that role too. Oh really? I could see that. I was like oh yeah he's way
better choice. That was like David you know David Keckner? Yeah. So I did a movie with him
and uh when I sat down with him I go dude you know you've like killed my movie career. I go
why I go he's got like three parts bro. Like iconic parts yeah that I that I went in for at the time
like like anchor man sure whammy and then when you watch you're like why didn't I think of that?
Yeah he's he's great. He's great. No he's really really.
Really good.
Really good, yeah.
Super funny guy.
But yeah, you've had a great run in movies, too, man.
Like, it's awesome.
Yeah, it's funny when you talk about Think Like, Think Like a Man was probably a big one, you know?
But it was funny.
Like, I remember when I got the call for that, I didn't have to audition.
That's the best.
You know what sucks?
Because when you do do auditions, you're like, you know you can just give me it.
Because I've gotten shit given to me before.
Straight to offer.
Yeah.
Well, Will Packer was a producer.
and I never forget he called me
he goes hey Gary I got this movie man
Steve Harvey book he goes
I need a white guy
they can hang out black guys
but not try to be black
he goes but I need somebody
that can kind of give it to him a little bit
on the law I was like all right
yeah
but I remember
and I could be wrong
but I remember
we were talking about cancer
they said there's two white guys
Chris Pratt was in the running
for one because he wasn't
who he is now
because I remember when his name came up
I went who's at
and they were like
the guy is on like
modern family or not modern family
Parks and Rec. He's on Parks and Rec. Yeah, he's on Parks and Rec
go oh and I looked at him and I go oh yeah that guy's funny
And then I went he looks a lot like me though
And then they were like
Yeah we're we're going back and forth with the studio
He goes but Will was like I'm going to bat for you
I said all right so I think Chris ended up all right
Yeah he's worked out
Yeah he's good he's he's real good now
Yeah
That's incredible bro
Like you oh you want to play a game with me real quick
Sure.
All right, throw your headphones on.
So this is, so many people have done this game.
Okay.
It's called Tom or Black, and it's a voice that you'll hear,
and you have to vote whether it's me or a black guy.
Okay.
I should crush this.
I mean, there's a lot of pressure.
I should.
Yeah.
You should just.
Okay, here we go.
Well, this is the intro to the guy.
game. Let's see.
This episode.
I'm the one that had the elephants roosting in trees.
Shit, man. That's Tom Segura.
Okay. So, here we go.
I left a wallet there.
You can also ask for a repeat something.
Did you speed that up?
No.
Say it again?
Okay.
I left a wallet there.
That's a black guy.
So he'll keep score in there.
Okay.
Don't compliment that bitch.
That's a black guy.
Okay
Fuck me in my ass, man
That's sound like Dave Chappelle
I would say black
No, that's you
That's Tom
Uh here we go
God damn it
That's you
That's you
Cry he came through
Black guy
That sounds you
I'm going to go black guy
I think you're trying to trick me
I mean I'm always trying to trick
Yeah yeah yeah
And then
You didn't come with the product
I don't hear it again?
Yeah
Again I think you're trying to trick me
I'm going to black eye
Okay
Josh
How do you do?
Hold on
I gotta calculate the score.
Should we go through one by one?
Yeah, let's go one by one.
That's a good idea.
Okay.
So, you want to play the first one back?
Sure.
I left a wallet there.
He said, black.
That's me.
If I was going to change one, it was that one.
Okay, second one.
Don't compliment that bitch.
He said, black.
That's a black guy.
Cool.
Good job, man.
Fuck me in my ass, man.
He said,
Tom.
That's a black eye.
Was that Chappelle?
No.
It's a home.
homeless guy in the street but a character he would have done okay god damn it said tom
that's a black guy i really fucked this game up it's okay cry he can't boo what he say
black that's me all right he said black that's a black guy that's too right and then
You didn't come with the product
He said
Black
Who was that?
Is that me or the black guy?
That's you right?
It sounds like me
You didn't come with the product
Yeah that was me
What I got to get two?
Two
Out of what?
Six?
Seven
Two of seven
I gotta tell you
It feels good
Not playing the game anymore
I'm not
I've also had black people
We've done 10
And they've gone 0 for 10
I've been thinking like
You're trying to fool me though
That's what I was like
Yeah no I mean
I'm definitely trying to.
Those are, but those aren't sped up or nothing?
They're not sped up.
They're not manipulated now, yeah.
Is there bits from your act?
I mean, sometimes we throw in bits, like clips from a bit, and then sometimes it's just,
you know, I don't know, like I went to the Florida State Bama game this weekend,
so I heard a lot of stuff, and I'll probably- How was that?
Fucking unbelievable.
It was great because they won at home.
They were unranked playing eighth-ranked Bama, and it's Bama.
Bama coming, and they went, FSU.
went two and ten last year so you're like they're going to get the absolute like that's what everybody
but the place was energized they have a renovated stadium like it was just there was energy palpable
energy at the game and in every room people were just vibrating have you ever been to colorado yet
since deion got there no have you yeah well i didn't go to a game i went and uh did his talk show
on tubi he's got a talk show and then dion's so cool i mean i've known dion for 20 something
years but he the next day i caught a late flight because i wanted to see the facilities so we go down
there and dion comes out and just like like classic dion just walks you around the entire place
you go through a suite and it looks like exactly how you think of dion suite like there's i think
there was a throne you know what i mean everything's in gold yeah and god just golden god
and nike yes and then even his even his dressing room was just like all these dion shoes lined up
look like a trophy case of shoes
and it's just it's all prime
everything's prime prime prime prime but he is
he is the best he's the
he's a big reason why
um
we was talking about earlier like you can't judge
the Derek Coleman thing yeah
like I'm not going to throw him into the bus
but I'll tell you all fair but he came to
one of my shows at Caroline's
20 some years ago and he brought a
white NFL guy
and everybody knows
and not that the Dwight
Interval guy was being a dick
but he clearly just wanted to get to his seat
and not be bothered
Dion went to the kitchen
what's up baby
high-fiving the cooks
the chefs
you know all right man
and then he sits down
like just complete man of the people
yeah you know what I mean
and then people are just like
look I didn't try to sit out
yeah yeah you know what I mean
and there's nothing wrong with that either
I was like this I go
but now I saw it and I go
the news of making
you think Dion's a prima don't
and a dick
and it would have been
the other way around
I go that's not
what happened here
he's so cares
I didn't
I've never met him
but he did
a podcast with me
via Zoom
like a couple years ago
and it was awesome
like because I
I'm a big
FSU fan
and the foundation
of that is being a kid
and watching Prime
for sure
you're so you got
it's got a suck
that you guys had
Randy Moss
oh dude
and
because he's
did you watch
some people
don't know that
the story
that Randy Moss
first went to
Notre Dame got kicked out for
for nothing for it was a that was the fight at and in
West Virginia I know then he goes to because like by bad and was like you can come
down here yeah take guys a fight right and then he's on the team that would have been
I guess it was 97 or 98 and that fucking team was already goddamn loaded and they said
he was torching your dbs oh dude he was like who is this dude this dude this
dude's crazy and then he gets booted from there for smoking a joint yeah he when i've i've
gotten really close to randy over the years i did his um when he got in the hall of fame
he brought me in minnesota to roast him it was a real private event but randy's the best right
so he that ran university on espn when he said he went into bob bowman's office and bob bowie
was like yeah they're gonna you violate your probation and you're gonna kick you off the team and
yeah you might go to jail for a little bit and randy got to
goes, we're smoking a joint?
You would have thought he completely robbed the bank
by the parole like that?
He goes, I just literally went home.
My boys was sitting on the corner at this gas station
and I took a hit of a joint and then it was so ridiculous
the way they treated him.
For people that watched games in that era,
that means it would have been Peter Warwick
and Randy Moss running routes.
I mean, they were already dropping fucking crazy points on people.
They were so dominant in that time.
You had the old quarterback back then, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Shit, that was a Winky, was it?
Yeah, Chris Winky?
Yeah.
Is that his name?
He's like 30?
Yeah.
They're like, yeah, he's got three kids.
He's got a mortgage.
Yeah, Randy's the best, boy.
I met him at the Brady roast.
He was fucking, yeah, he was awesome.
No, and I told a buddy about him one time.
go to Charlotte, oh, he'll come scoop me, we'll go get something to eat, right?
I didn't, because my buddy's a, my opener is a football fanatic.
Yeah.
And I said, I didn't tell him who it was, because I knew he might freak out a little bit.
So I was like, hey, my buddy's going to pick us up for lunch today.
I goes, me in the lobby at like 1 o'clock.
All right.
So we're out in front of the mayor out there in Charlotte.
And he goes, I said, hey, he's going to be in a big pickup.
I said, I'm going to tell you who it is now, so don't freak out when you get a car.
I go, it's Randy Moss.
He goes, what?
That's what I didn't tell you before.
And then he goes, he goes, he goes,
Dude, you start moving.
Yeah, he goes, I'm going to change my shirt, man.
What's he going to be driving?
I go, I guarantee you he'll be in a pickup.
I go, there'll be fishing rods in the back.
There'll be dirty gym clothes in the bed of the truck.
I go, it ain't going to be like Hall of Fame, Randy.
This dude is country.
Yeah.
So we get in the truck, it was like Randy heard me talking.
There was shoes and gym clothes that were dirty.
There's lures and earthworms in the back of the truck.
And then he started talking fishing.
I want to stab myself.
Oh, yeah.
Can we talk football?
Yeah, please.
What kind of lures you like?
You know, you like deep sea, Randy,
he's like, I hate deep sea fishing, man.
Nah, you know, I'm from West Virginia.
And I moved to Charlotte because they got a lot of bodies of water.
He goes, I like to put my pole in the ground like that barber going under.
He was like.
He's really country.
Yo, they talked fishing.
I go, yo.
And Randy goes, and they're like, I never can get to go fish.
And I go, I'm going to catch one fish.
I'm not taking off the line.
It's one fish, I'm going to hold it up, and then I'm done.
I'm not touching it.
I don't want to do any of that.
I'm all good, too, dude.
Yeah.
That's him and Randy talking fishing.
I was like this.
Randy didn't talk football at all.
Do you ever see those clips of him playing basketball with Jay Will?
Oh, ridiculous.
And then Jason's like, yo, he was unbelievable.
That was his quarterback.
Yeah.
He also was like, wasn't he player of the year one year or two?
I think Jason was.
Well, I wonder why.
Look who you're throwing to.
Just fucking.
Hey, I'll heave it up.
12 feet in the air.
That's just wild to me.
Randy Moss is the most country redneck black guy you ever meet.
Jason Williams is the most flavorful white guy you ever meet.
But if you get them together, the same person.
The same guy.
That's what's wild.
Some West Virginia shit right there.
That is.
Yeah, I just, I don't know.
You see, like, Randy's one of those guys where you go, like, oh, there really are, like, aliens amongst us.
You know what I mean?
like something like that you just go there's the guy the guy who can run a four three can't
cover him yeah like it's really other level man he was he never looked like he was running
hard no like casually i'm casually doing a four two right now and i'm six four yeah
fucking unreal dude then he ended up at marshal you know i i grew up and we was talking before
the air he was in fairfield and hamilton you know why
Where I went to high school was Oxford.
That's Miami of Ohio.
Back then, Marshall played Miami.
They was in the same conference.
Oh.
And they was like, that was the one game that stadium was overpacked.
Because Marshall came to Oxford.
And they were like, we got to see this shit.
I think Miami beat him that year.
I think Miami beat Marshall that year.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is crazy that he ended up at a 1-A program.
That's wild.
Yeah.
Like the arguably the best player in the country is like,
I'm going to go to a different division school.
This guy could have started anywhere in the country.
It's crazy.
You still a big sports fan, though?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm a Bengals guy.
NFL football is my thing.
So I'm die-hard Cincinnati Bengals.
That's nice to hear.
You don't hear that a lot.
Bengals?
Yeah, I mean, I think we got George Clooney.
I always pull for the Bengals because I still have that affection.
That was my first thing.
You know what I mean?
Like, my dad's favorite sport was football.
So we watched a lot.
lot of college ball and then NFL and Cincinnati like that was the first game I ever went to
and then when we left Cincinnati we left in like the winter I guess I think it was a winner of
88 we left the year they went to the super yeah yeah boomer asiocin team yeah Icky woods yeah who I ran
into by the way on a flight oh really it was like it was surreal because I'd never met them and
this is like 30 years later yeah I was like that's fucking icky woods yeah and
And, yeah, that's- He never got paid.
No, he never got paid.
People always be like, he's selling meat door-to-door.
I go, you realize he was like a fourth-round pick, right?
Yeah.
He only played like two years.
He never got paid.
The knees, I think his knees went bad.
Yeah, he only played like two, three years in the league.
But that rookie year was ridiculous.
Crazy.
And if you're a kid, I mean, I had his poster up.
Yeah, the Yankee shuffle?
Come on.
Jeez.
So we left and, like, we went to Minneapolis, and I remember I went, because my parents were
pretty Catholic and they're going to play in the Super Bowl and I went to like the big downtown
cathedral in Minneapolis and I prayed like please let the Bengals win the Super Bowl like that
they were like what are you praying about I was like nothing I just want to have a happy life
and you don't even know like the guy Stanley Wilson got they found him in the hotel room
coked out of his mind yep I was like this that was when that happened I go I think we're
Fucked.
Yeah.
But didn't we still have
the opening kickoff
go back?
No, it was a kickoff
went back
but not the opening one.
Yeah,
Stanford Jenny's brought
it was like in the third quarter.
Yeah,
he took one back to the house.
Like,
Bumer didn't have a good game that game.
No.
But also,
they put the San Francisco
put together that
it was a fourth quarter drive.
John Taylor,
all that,
like, yeah.
And then like two passes
before that
Lewis Billups
had the ball right in his hands
and dropped it to DB.
And I just went,
I mean it was Joe Montana
he doesn't do that
No he threw it right to him
And he dropped it I go
Oh we're done
It's like one of the things you saw it coming
I go
We got the lead
Two minutes left
I go
This is Joe Montana
This is what he does
Yes what he does
And then I
It's crazy because
I was in Syracuse
At the Funny Bone
About 10 years ago
Joe's son was playing at Tulane
And they were up there
To play Syracuse
And I saw Joe in the lobby
And I went up to
to him. I said, hey, first I went to the wife.
I said, hey, what's up, man? Big football fan.
I said, you know, I know there's nothing to do here tonight.
The game's at noon. I know you're not flying out after the games.
You can't get out of Syracuse. I go, I'd like to invite you guys to a show.
So they said yes. I was shocked.
His wife calls, yeah, I think we're going to come tonight.
I was like, awesome. So I leave him tickets.
He comes and hangs out in the dress room for a few minutes.
I don't think you really knew who I was, really, right?
Get done with the show. I asked if I can get a picture.
of course we get a picture and then his guy took a picture too and then like a month later
I get this blown up picture of me in Montana and he autographed it and it's got like his seal at
the bottom he has to do that yeah and I go why you got to be nice yeah I fucking hate you man yeah
why you got to be cool that's like that's pretty rad like it just came out left his guy called
and was like yo Joe wanted to send you a thank you for for for
get them in the show and everything.
And there's a seal on it.
Yeah, it's got the Montana thing at the bottom.
I still got it.
I got a hung up at the house.
I'm like, I can't hang it up in the main room because people are like, I thought you liked the bingles.
Yeah, no.
So I got in the back closet.
It's pretty cool, though, dude.
That's, I remember being a kid, because I'm only like nine or ten when this happens, and I was obsessed with Jerry Rice.
Like, I loved Jerry Rice.
And it was like the first time where I was like, oh, I actually, the feeling was, I can't believe
I want Jerry Rice to lose.
Do you know what I mean?
You get some Bengals?
Yeah, because like in the game I was like, he's like an idol.
And I was like, oh, but I don't want him to win.
And that was like a conflicted feeling.
I can't believe I want, as a kid, I want this guy that I admire to lose.
I mean, you understand our business.
Like you go to cities and some guys might come out on another team and you're like,
I'm a Bengals fan, I can't root for you.
I know.
Especially when you do well in cities.
He's like, Pittsburgh's a great comedy market.
Fantastic.
Cleveland.
And they, you know, the guys, coaches, or players are come out and you're like, I'm not supposed to like you.
Yeah, I know.
And then when they invite you to the game, yeah, you're like, shit.
I'll tell him, I go, dude, I'm not, I won't wear Bingle shit.
Yeah, but I ain't wearing.
I'm wearing your shit.
Yeah.
And I'll golf clap.
You know what I'm?
I went to the AFC title game a couple years ago with the Bingles played the Chiefs and sat in
Travis Kelsey suite.
Uh-huh.
Because, you know, he's a Cincinnati guy, though.
Yeah.
So a lot of guys are from Cincinnati.
I just sat in the corner.
The sweet I was like this.
And it was all me, though, because they knew.
Yeah.
They won.
And then Travis was cool.
I go, God damn it.
Why do you got to be cool?
Yeah, I know.
Fuck.
Yeah, the both of them are red.
They're good guys, man.
I like him a lot.
I've been invited to games where they go, hey, don't wear the opposing teams like colors
and like, you know, gear.
And I was like, well, not a fucking asshole.
I know.
And they go, you'd be surprised.
I can imagine.
Yeah.
Some guys do it like as a badge of honor.
Yeah.
Like, I don't give a fuck.
Yeah.
And I was like, no, I want to be invited back.
Yeah, no.
Be cool, dude.
Yeah.
Be very cool.
Dude, this was, this was a treat.
I really loved meeting you.
Yeah.
It's been literally 20 years of people being like, you know Gary, right?
You guys are both from Cincinnati.
I'm like, no, I don't.
And it is wild in our business because you just, you just think we all know each other.
Yeah.
And it's literally like you said, like you look on the calendar and you're like, oh, he's coming.
Yeah.
Coming in a week.
I won't be here.
Right.
Yeah.
What made you make the move to Austin before we get out of here?
It was the, it was during the pandemic.
I always felt like, you know, I have a lot of, I lived in L.A. 19 years.
I have a lot of affection for L.A.
There's things I still love about L.A.
But like during the pandemic, when it was like chaotic, you know, in the city, I'd never, my wife was raised.
Like, since she moved there when she was two.
She was a lifelong Angelino.
And every time, you know, sometimes you do weekends where, like, I would always get back from like Denver and be like, damn, that was awesome.
Like, I love Denver.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then it was during the pandemic where everything was shut down, where as it was progressing, she was like, hey, I'm okay to get out of here.
I was like, for real?
She was like, yeah.
Like, we can do what we do from anywhere.
Let's look.
So I just kind of was like, okay, started to like check out different cities and came here.
This was one of those cities where every time I had been on tour, I would go, oh, Austin was great.
It was like a great week.
So it was just like on the short list.
There was only like four cities we were considered all over.
Yeah.
And then when she was like, I like this one, it was kind of like, okay, we're going to look there.
Huh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's been over four years now.
Yeah.
But you live in Texas.
Houston.
What made you choose Houston?
I got a divorce.
How was that?
And I was like, all right, well.
That was leaving where?
Where did you live?
San Francisco, Oakland.
Oh, okay.
So I was like, we had, we still had a house in Cincinnati.
And then we had a house in California, too.
So it was like, I was kind of back and forth.
And then when the divorce happened, I said, all right, I got to be, I need a city with a hub.
Because I'm still flying out just about every week.
Yeah.
I was like, no state taxes.
I was thinking where I could save money to.
Yeah.
Hopefully you'll have to go through this,
but then the attorneys get in your brain,
you'd be thinking you about to go broke.
Yeah.
They're like,
you have to get out of here.
You can't have a divorce guy in California.
They'll share all the horror stories.
I was like, all right.
So I just need a place with a hub.
It got down to Phoenix, Dallas, and Houston.
And then I met a chick.
Oh.
And I was like, yeah, I'm going to go to Houston.
Yeah, yeah.
I was all right.
That's still the deal on those three cities.
are you happy there you're working i love it i mean obviously it's like awesome the summer's a little rough
yeah gets a little hot but i mean i love it i think it's funny i i still have the city got my car broken
into yeah i still was like well yeah it's all good welcome the city baby yeah it just happens yeah yeah yeah
i like hughes i like but it was like you i always thought Dallas houston were great stand-up town
yeah you know i always felt like i was tapped in socially with the right of friend groups i was like
yeah this is a good time yeah houston was always
always it was always a good city yeah like that I don't know what is most urban comics
that that improv is usually the one of their biggest money weekends oh yeah oh yeah
it's big it's usually sold out your adding shows sometimes yeah you'll see I've I've it's been
a while since but I remember being online and being like oh look who's at Houston and they're
like it's doing 10 shows like this guy's like adding add and ad and yeah just yeah you almost can't
keep up yeah I mean also some people
don't realize how big of a city that is that's a fucking huge metropolis man oh houston is unreal it's massive yeah
you can be an hour from your friend yeah never see them that's yeah yeah pretty you got three comedy clubs
in one city and it used to be even more i think like if you go back 20 years yeah i think they had like five
at one point yeah i think we're definitely in a comedy like resurgence right now i think the we let the
cancer culture have their time and then we kind of had all right we're i think people are done with that
and then the ticket sales right now are just through the roof that's awesome so many people that's
great i'm like all right everybody's getting back out there everybody trying to laugh yeah have a good
time it also means people are spending money yeah which is usually encouraging that's fun yeah i think
that's i've always heard like the one the one thing that recession does not affect the stand-up yeah
because people still want to spend money to get away from all that shit right they want to forget
about it. So when you're reading the news
and everything and people are freaking out, we go, oh, we're
still good. Yeah. Go see a stand-up
show. Yeah. And go see Gary if you've
never seen him. Gary Owen
Live. Don't forget to check out Noes
his special available on YouTube.
But there's also, you have
like six, seven, I forget how many
you have so many specials. Yeah, I can't
tell you. Yeah. Well, just
Google them. Yeah, we got two on
YouTube this year. We got Broken Family and
NoS came out this year on YouTube.
Incredible, man. Real pleasure to meet you
Yeah, yeah. It was fun. Absolutely.
We'll see you guys next week.
Please tell the audience so I can have a record
that you're impressed with my water consumption.
So you're the water champ. You're the water champ.
You've been the water champ for as long as I've known you.
Pound in the water.
Pound in the water. You've been the water camp or as long as I've known you.
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Water champ.
Pound on the water.
That's what I'm talking.
That's the current water champion.
Tom gets it. Running away.
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
Let's go. Water champ.
Pound the water. Pound in the water.
You are the water channel?
Pound the water. Pound in the water.
Water down water channels.
If you're drinking that much water, as it drinks water and pears.
He's just sitting.
Water and peace at the same time.
Sometimes he's peeing while he's drinking.
Oddly enough, my wife also competed.
She came last late.
You ever seen a Yorkie drink water?
This is my overwhelming urge to consume more water.
You understand.
Current water champion.
You understand.
Water champion.
You understand. Water champion.
You understand.
Water champion.
Current water champion.
You understand.
Water champion.
Just kept drinking and no one said a word
Pound in the water
Pound in the water
Let's go, let's go, water champ
Down in the water
Let's go, let's go, water champ
Pound in the water
Is this technically water too?
Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ
Let's go, let's go, water champ
People would discuss like who's the water champ
Let's go, water champ.
Kill two of those, and there's four 16 ounce of waters.
You are the water champ.
I've never seen someone drink so much water during such a short.
Let's go, water champ.
Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ.
Pound in the water.
pound in the water.
Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ.
How in the water?
How in the water?
Let's go water champ.
Let's go water champ.
Just a madman.