Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795

Episode Date: January 29, 2025

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Go to https://zbiotics.com/YMH and use YMH at checkout for 15% off any first time orders of ZBiotics probiotics. Protect your online privacy TODAY by visiting https://ExpressVPN.com/ymh Get 20% off your first order of Liquid I.V. when you go to https://www.liquid-iv.com/ and use code YMH at checkout. It’s another episode of YMH with Tom Segura and Christina P! This week, Mama and Papa Jeans open the show with a new clip from Unc Shine once again looking to get all up in ya. They next discuss poop protocols and cool guy consistencies, before they recap the unhinged insanity of last week's Charo visit. They also check out a very cool tattoo submitted from a fan and check out some clips before being joined by the Uncle Fester of comedy, Jim Norton. Jim Norton is currently navigating the podcast scene after just recently departing from SiriusXM. He joins the Main Mommies and they discuss the intricacies of being a "we", his marriage to a trans woman, the future of human sexuality, the unforgettable Patrice O'Neal, the genius of Greg Giraldo, and the clever tweets of Colin Quinn. They also talk about the evolution of cancel culture and if it truly is on it's way out, before Tom shows Jim some clips that are truly horrible or hilarious! Your Mom’s House Ep. 795 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapter Markers 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:34 - Opening Clip: Unc Shine Wants Those Nips 00:05:26 - What's Your Protocol? 00:08:13 - Unc Shine Is Consistent 00:13:41 - RPC 00:16:29 - Recapping Charo's Visit 00:19:40 - The Choke But In Tattoo Form 00:22:37 - Clip: Kevin Samuels 00:26:02 - Jim Norton Can't Save You 00:31:38 - The Royal "We" 00:37:04 - Married To A Trans Woman 00:41:41 - The Future Of Human Sexuality? 00:45:12 - Closers, Touring, & Podcasting 00:48:44 - Cancel Culture 00:54:07 - Jim Norton’s Crew Of Comedy Greats 00:57:00 - Vandalism Is Funny 01:02:52 - Brendan Walsh 01:07:45 - Colin Quinn & Dave Attell 01:11:56 - The Best Of The Best 01:17:47 - Classic Comedies 01:22:15 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:29:30 - Closing Song - "Gay Questions" by MC FluidBond & DJ GlassGender Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Battle Creek, Michigan. I am coming to the Firekeepers Casino on Friday, May 9th. Tickets go on pre-sale next week on Thursday, February 6th at 10 a.m. Eastern with the code Tommy, T-O-M-M-Y. Later this week, Savannah, Georgia and North Charleston, South Carolina. Tickets and info is at tomsag's house. Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose and showing the world what AI was

meant to be. Let's create the agent first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. What's everybody? It's time for another podcast. We have a very exciting episode today.

Gene, how are you feeling? I'm excited. There's going to be a snowstorm tomorrow. I'm taking huge dump episode today. Gene, how are you feeling? I'm excited. There's gonna be a snowstorm tomorrow. I'm taking huge dumps today. You did. I had like waves of caca come out and I feel more ready. Didn't you like it when it's a surprise like that? When you sit down to make brown

and then you get a bonus brown? Oh, it was just like, vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr 17 grams or whatever. I'm like, whatever. I made a small bowl of it and I was like, oh my God. Cause I've been eating that. I sprinkle it on my yogurt and boy, does that make me go crazy. It was an emergency. Yeah. But doesn't that make you feel lighter, huh?

Well, yeah, but I didn't do that. So I just, I got home late last night and then, you know, slept a little bit, got up. I don't even, had I eaten? Yeah, I ate a little, I had a little bit. I had berries and eggs. Oh, eggs make you shit. Well, this, had I eaten, yeah, I ate a little, I had a little bit, I had berries and eggs. Oh, eggs make you shit. Well, this was, I mean, I thought I was gonna have

a little boom boom, and it was so much. Yeah, and you know what's interesting is that, normally I smell your brown as a very pungent, sour smell. Oh, stop. No, I'm just, I'm telling you, I didn't even smell it today. Well, I had the flushing and the rinsing going the whole time.

I was rinsing. And what I love about the washlet, the built-in bidets of modern society, is you can wash as you shit, and then sometimes you keep shitting through the wash. Well, hold on, wow. So the spray will hit your asshole, and then your asshole goes, what's that?

And then you just keep shitting. Now hold on, because I've often used the spray to stimulate my anal. That's what I'm saying. But then I'd stop the spray once the brown comes down. Oh, I'll shit right through it, yeah. What? You're crazy, who does that?

Why would you do that? Aren't you afraid you're gonna cut it off or it'll spook it? No, no. I think it's too much stimulation for me're gonna cut it off or it'll spook it? No, no. I think it's too much stimulation for me and I cut it off. It feels kinky, I like it. I like it.

This is like, man, anyway, I just feel like I could shit at any moment again. I really do. Seriously? Yeah, yeah. Do you think you ate something questionable last night? I mean, I traveled, who knows. Yeah. I ate right before we left we ate. I had salmon and rice which is fine, but you never know. You never know. You never know. It'll take a few days to adjust and then I'll leave again and then I'll shit

crazy again. I know. I know it's weird. I had a little irritation in my bowel too where something triggered it and I was just making soft browns for days. You know when something like irritates your intestines? Yeah. But it's kinda nice, cause then you're cleaning house. Yeah. And it's cool.

It's pretty cool. Yeah. You ready to start the show? Yeah, of course. Let's do this very quick. Here we go everybody. Yeah. Here.

Here you go. You don't think I want them nipples? Oh Jesus. I want them nipples too. And your feet. Yeah, I want your feet. And them nipples. Them nipples looking at me right now. Come get me Uncle Sean. Come get me. I thought you were going to play something a bit different.

I'm looking at you boy. I'm coming. Okay. Well, you gotta bring a good friend. I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm coming.

I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm looking at you, boy! I'm coming! Okay. Well, you gotta bring it to me.

Okay. Yeah, you gotta bring me them nipples. This shit is big time! Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Your mom and her fucking dad! Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina Pujetzi. Welcome to your mom's house. I have to say this before we get along.

I mean, I like to change the topic to something a little more dignified. Why are you? I don't understand why it's so funny to you. What's so funny? You gotta bring me them nipples. Oh my God. Okay. Okay.

You're the worst. Okay. I was going to say that I noticed over Christmas vacation a while ago that I have a specific protocol as I'm browning, meaning I can't read a book and Brown. It's too distracting. I can't look at just videos and Brown. I have to be, I can't be texting and Browning. I have to be playing Tetris.

And if I'm not- Wow! Isn't that crazy? That's fascinating. No, I'm serious. And I can't be watching TikTok. I have to play Tetris. I've lost myself on the phone,

on the can before on my phone. I know that. You think I don't know that? How long I've been here? How long I know? I have no idea how much time has gone by. We know that. Especially it's weird when we're alone with our kids,

you seem to disappear for like an hour. Oh, stop. Yeah, especially when they were young. That was really weird. Exaggerator. Legs are gross. Exaggerator. No. Anyway, buy my perfect four lipsticks you guys. I'm wearing the perfect red right now. I suggest you just buy all four. Why not? They're the perfect colors. I got Madison Berlin. Perfect red and atomic. ChristinaP.com. They're beautiful.

They're so bootiful. They are. They're very nice. More coming. I'm just so pumped. I love doing these. I mean. You don't think I want them nipples? God damn it, I thought we were past it. I tried to get us past it. Hold on, what do you, what's your protocol? Your protocol. I just want a little bit of alone.

I want a little just don't bother me. Sure. I could do, I mean as a kid I did magazines a lot, so I like magazines, but just don't bother me. Sure. I could do I mean as a kid I did magazines a lot so I like magazines but we don't have magazines in there anymore we used to. No. Yeah your phone and just. What are you looking at like I found that even specific content I won't brown to. Oh that does I don't think that happens to me because I'll read articles I have like all the the like I have New York Times, LA Times, Wall Street Journal like I'll read articles. That's like all the like I have New York Times, LA Times, Wall Street

Journal, like I'll read articles. That's funny because when I walk by the toilet I don't hear silence. I just read an article this morning. I usually hear sometimes it's people in car accidents and sometimes it's an article. Most of time it sounds like violence and I'm like dude he is loving that shit. Yeah, sometimes I get lost in a loop of cool cool stuff violence Accidents yeah. Yeah. I don't really want to watch violence. I like to see like, you know somebody Snowboarding in their knee snapping or something, you know, I mean something like that's what I hear through the door Yeah, and also and this is like listen. I've just come to terms with it as part of our marriage. But I've often wanted to talk to you through the door

as you're Browning, and never let it happen. I don't like being spoken to when I'm Browning. You don't, and I know that about you now. No, next time you come to that door. You gotta bring me them nipples. You know? So here's what I love about Unk, if you don't mind. It's been a while.

What I love is that he's never changed. I like somebody that's consistent. And if I had introduced you to this man 10 years ago, it would be the exact same video that it is today. There is zero evolution, zero. He's still putting out a consistent message. I would wager that if you go to his Instagram page, there are a few hundred videos, maybe with this hat on,

and every video is basically the same. It's so crazy. And usually these artists, they do evolve. Like RPC, he's taken on different identities. Lucifer's lair, Professor Cumdump, right? Yep. But you're right, Unc never waivers. Maybe he changes his hat. Let's just pick one.

Go ahead and hit that one. What is it? The drawers in the front, I'ma tear it up. Yeah. It's just like some crawfish. They booty too. Oh yeah, Mary, I'm telling you. Yeah, go to the next one.

Yeah, Mary, it's one love, all right? It's Mary. He's talking to Mary. The. I'm telling you. Yeah go the next one Yeah, Mary is one love. All right. It's Mary one like in a Mary He wants to eat them draws. He always says Okay Yeah Sure, I got one for you my boy. Yeah Birdman was sad. I'm cooling man cooling yeah yeah okay next one I'm all right baby yeah I'm all right? I'm cooling, baby. Yeah, I went and get me something to eat. Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. I'm trying to tell you now. Uncle Snoop, what's happening, my dog? Birdman, what's happening? He's- I'm cooling. He's saying hello.

What's happening, my dog? Yep. It's one love, man. There's a lot of one loves. Uh-huh. I got something for somebody. Hey, my baby girl, Kelly. How you doing, baby? Go on, let's get that picture head on.

It's the same. Click the next one. Hey, look, one more. I forgot. I forgot. I mean, but I got it. Yeah. I'm trying to say I forgot.

Okay. I think we got it. So yeah, it is the same exact thing than when we first saw him a number of years ago, and it has not evolved, and that's exciting to me. It is, and why change perfection? He's figured out the formula that works for him. It's like RPC, he has his style.

He does his Lucifer's Lair, you know, a lot of touching the chest, talking about what he likes, and then here's Unc. Although, I remember that RPC doesn't like being associated with Unc and is not a fan of his. Well, of course. Well, because RPC is evolved, he is an artist, he is creative, he does have different things going on.

He's a clothing designer, porno actor, singer, he does stand up, he does a lot of different, you cannot compare these pages. No, you can't. Let me tell you, if there's a surefire way to wake up feeling fresh after a night of drinking, it's with Zbiotics pre-alcohol. This probiotic drink, the first genetically engineered drink

of its kind, was developed by PhD scientists to ease rough mornings by breaking down a toxic byproduct alcohol produces in the gut. Just remember, to make pre-alcohol your first drink of the night, drink responsibly and you'll feel your best tomorrow. Every time I take pre-alcohol before drinks, I feel the difference the next day. Still ready for my morning workouts? No worries. Go to zbiotics.com slash ymh to learn more and get 15% off your first order when you use ymh at checkout. Zbiotics is backed with a 100% money back guarantee.

So if you're unsatisfied for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked. Remember, head to zbiotics.com slash YMH and use the code YMH at checkout for 15% off. I know that none of you watch porn, but just in case you have any friends that do, help me pass along this important PSA. Incognito mode does not make you incognito.

Check the fine print. All your late night activities are still 100% visible to a ton of third parties unless you use ExpressVPN. Without ExpressVPN, others can still see the sites you visit, even in incognito mode. ExpressVPN encrypts your traffic to keep your browsing private. ExpressVPN hides your IP,

making it tough for anyone to track you. Super easy, just open the app, tap once, and you're protected. It works on all your devices too, so you can stay private everywhere. Everywhere you go, you don't need people peeking into what you do, right? There's a reason you close the blinds at your house, it's because you don't need people peeking into what you do, right? There's a reason you close the blinds at your house, because you don't want people seeing all of your decisions.

Now, protect your privacy online today by visiting expressvpn.com slash y m h. That's e x p r e s s vpn.com slash y m h. You can get an extra four months free ExpressVPN.com slash YMH Yeah, no look at his content way better fun men to meet like yeah. No, he's amazing Yeah, he does this is a totally different thing. I mean look at those birds. It's fucking amazing. What's with the fire? What's he doing there? It's Lucifer's lair. What do you think? Welcome to Lucille a man your hot baby ourPC's wait to take a hot for you guys

Jesus Man, look at take the hot black a Latino rough trade guy all kind of guys interracially illegal a 23 or 23 85 Wagner House with property See ability between what's Avenue East end of Holland? I mean, that's the same message man. That's the same deal man Why do I feel nothing but love I I gotta be honest with you the feelings I get watching these gentlemen Unc makes me feel a little scared. Yeah, and I don't I feel repelled by that But for our PC I want him to get what he wants. I understand what you're saying. Why is that? I don't know. I mean also how many pages does our PC have on Instagram? Does he have a few still?

At least ten. Ten pages? At least. Could you pull up another one? I just want to see God he's so charming. Is it the charm? Is it the? Oh yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, cool. Oh wow, look at that. Oh!

Oh, did he give a shout out to? Oh, okay. Uh. Ha ha ha ha ha. Do not trust this man. Yeah. I did not sell my ideas to him. Oh, fraud by trying to copy my hats and caps,

fashion and put my name on it. Oh wow. Well, you know, IP is a real big thing these days. Of course. You know what I mean? And yeah, I would definitely side with RPC on that. Of course. Maybe I feel a kinship with RPC because he is a comedian.

He is a singer. He is an actor, he's a performer. Yeah. because he is a comedian. He is a singer. Yeah as an actor He's a performer. Yeah, and he's a lover of animals great guy But I don't know much else about unk shine. Maybe if I knew a little bit more about him. I'm good. You're good I'll just say this if you are visiting the greater New York area and you are a hot black or Latino man And you're looking for a good time time I would take him up on this you can use Google Maps and just type in Robert Paul champagne RPC It'll take you exactly to where there it is right there 2390 second-half in a work. Yeah Wagner houses apartment to see just ring the buzzer and he will buzz you right well

Well, hold on. It says 2390 second half Yeah, well, whoa, wait a minute. That's Inaccurate I think Wagner houses is like that whole block. Yeah Laid on there. Yeah. Thank God. I I don't want to spread misinformation there, you know Well, let's move on to something that frankly can't really wait much longer There's two things really one is that Charo was here last week. Boy, was she epic.

Holy shit, was that something. I might say her best appearance yet. It was a legendary classic appearance. And the boys did the right thing. They didn't even have to be asked. There is an incredible super cut. Let me just relax. Let's just get into position and enjoy this everybody.

Okay. Hello, Governor. Thank you, Governor. Have a nice day. Pull the mic down a little bit. This? Am I dog? You can't lift the cup. Okay. No. How's the coffee?

They're ringing another one. Well, if I don't have to, if I... Don't move the microphone. Ay, ya know. Now pull it down. Not from there, from the bottom. Well, why don't you do it? You can do...

Ay, ay, ay, ay! It's not hanging, she's like, grab it. Ay, call me! Ay! Fresh coffee. You want another coffee? Yeah! Ah, call me!

What? No way. Coffee on the way. Coffee on the way? Thank you so much. Thank you, Heather. Another coffee. We can do another coffee. How way coffee on the way. Thank you so much. Thank you Heather Yes, and a few times already Did we talk about the crew yes hours ago, and did I thank you and no did I thank you enough

I'm so glad that we were all able to do it. I was talking can I get a You want another coffee for real? What do you mean another coffee? One cup of coffee doesn't make me another coffee. This will be number four or five that you're having, just so you know. It's me. What happened?

I don't know. What's wrong with you? That headphones on your cheek. Are you testing me for stupid? Can I talk? Talk nice. Talk nice. Right here.

Thank you. Reach the other way. No, no, closer to you. Below, here, here. Of all these. Right here, just show her. here. Thank you. Reach the other way. No, no, closer to you. Below. Here. Here. Right here. Just show her.

Oh, thank you. Thanks, Chyna. I forgot. Oh! This is your show, really? Don't be retarded. I might be retarded, but I'm not stupid. Retard?

What? I'm taking you to buy me something. Unbelievable. Truly remarkable. That was so much fun reliving it. She was a little, I mean, look, she was a little out there. She was out of it. She'd taken some edibles.

And drank a lot. And drank a lot. And had five coffees. I mean, it was amazing. It had five coffees. That was amazing. It was unhinged. She was totally unhinged. She really was. Did you take her shopping?

No, I haven't spoken to her since. Well, rest assured, she went through my closet last night and took out a jacket. She did? Yeah. She got something. Don't worry. I'm not surprised.

Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Who knows if we'll ever see her again, but that was a pretty memorable episode. You guys had a, you had a row. Yeah. It was the Brits, like, I'm not, I'm better for row. Yeah, sure did. Well, she was a little blitzed maybe when she left

and may have said some things, you know what I mean? We'll see. Hopefully I'll have an update for you soon if she's still alive. All right, so yeah This you're gonna absolutely okay All right Hey jeans, but a big fan of both y'all and my image podcast that helped me deal with a lot of hard times in life You guys have made me laugh when I've had the shittiest day

I'm very thankful to be alive at the same time as y'all. I'm a tattoo artist from East, Tennessee I've always wanted to give myself a YMH tattoo, but didn't really know exactly what to do. That was until I saw Christine's amazing artwork of Tom choking practically to death just trying to say the word Netflix. I can't name a more pivotal moment in all media that is more deserving of a tribute.

The entire world practically stopped to hear if Timothy would make it through such a dangerous word to say out loud. And I think we're all in a better place now that he had made it through such a life-threatening situation. To commemorate both an amazing piece of art and an unforgettable moment in history, I chose the choke as my YMH tattoo as a gift to myself.

I hope I made Mommy Jeans proud, and I hope Tom gets the speech therapy he needs. Mwah, Skylar, here you go. Oh my God. Oh! Oh my God, it's perfect! It's believable. How did you do, it's identical.

No, is that real? Am I being duped? No, you're not being duped, that's real. That is real. Holy shit, he really did it perfectly. You know my favorite part about this too, is that there is gonna be somebody who goes like, who is that, what is that?

And he could be like, oh, do you like stand up? It's a whole story. You ever see- It's a whole story. You ever see Tom, a cigarette in there, be like, what? I'm like, yeah. And he's like, yeah, that's him.

And what's really special is that it's both of us. It's a collaborative thing. It is. And it's, I love this. I can't encourage this enough. It's incredible. It's really, really remarkable. I'm just so thrilled as an artist

to have my work featured on somebody's body forever now. Yeah. That's so cool. Wow. Well, Skyler, you are incredible. I think we need to send him something. Absolutely. Guys, please reach out,

because that is remarkable. Please share any future interactions you have from people when they go, what the fuck is that? I would love to hear that. Oh my God, please. And by the way, don't think I'm resting on my laurels just because of this success. I'm already developing my next piece of art

that you are my muse. I know, you've told me. You are my muse, and I know exactly what I'm already developing my next piece of art that you are my muse. I know you've told me. You are my muse and I know exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm excited. I'm excited to see what you're such a prolific artist. I just want to see what comes next, you know. But like they say in the art world, you know, you don't want to put out too much. This is true. You don't want to lower the value of your work. This is true. This is why I'm parsleying out. We did the first one, the second one. What are you doing? I'm roguing.

Oh, that's why. It's the roogies in there. So this one, I have diarrhea ready to come out of me. So just let me show you this real quick. Yeah, I guess I'm a little antsy. So I have to shit pretty bad. Maybe don't drink coffee. I want to. a little antsy. Yeah. So I'm gonna have to shit pretty bad. Maybe don't drink coffee.

I want to. So here you go. This is, we found another Kevin Spaniel's classic here. Oh, I miss him. You're definitely a single woman because you got the single woman tell that damn smoke detector. How do you live with that?

The way that I've been living with just being a single woman is- No, no, no, no, no. Specifically, the smoke detector that keeps chirping. How do you live with that? Can you just elaborate more on what do you mean by the smoke detector? Oh my God. It keeps going beep.

Like red flags? That smoke detector that's beeping in the background. There's a smoke detector. It beeps every 30 seconds and it goes beep. I don't hear anything beep and did you just hear it again? Because I don't hear anything. Told you guys that they don't hear it after a while. There was the beat. Yeah.

So I don't know. Maybe I have to replace my fire smoke. Oh my God. Batteries. Yeah, maybe that's what it is. Okay. So I just noticed it. You didn't notice it. And it's one of the first things men notice about you ladies,

because a man would not sit there with that thing beeping like that. Every 30, every 15 seconds, it beeps. Okay, noted. And my point is, guys, the things that we notice, they don't notice. They just, they get comfortable. It's insane. How does she sleep at night? She's tuned it out. She didn't even hear it Well, that's really interesting because it's one of the marks of a cool guy very early in YMH history

Yeah, the trip the trip that was that's always part of their thing Well schizophrenic minds can kind of make sense of a lot of things that Turn that shit out. It's official. He's crazy. I got a shit. Go shit sweet. Let's take a quick break. This show is sponsored by Liquid IV. This year, I have some fitness goals. I want to trim down some and I want to stop cramping.

Whatever you do, come into your own, your own way with extraordinary hydration from Liquid IV. Powered by Live HydroScience, Liquid IV helps you break the mold with flavors like their new hydration multiplier sugar-free raspberry lemonade, a bright zero sugar flavor combining notes of ripe freshly picked raspberries and citrusy zesty lemon. I'm a fan of all these flavors. I like all the stuff. Oh my gosh I'm hooked on the white peach sugar-free. White peach is what's up.

Every day. I even like brostery. What? I mean strawberry. Liquid IV continues to set the standard in flavor innovation with refreshing true to fruit blends designed to keep you hydrated. Discover favorites like acai berry, lemon lime,

and pina colada or explore sugar-free varieties including raspberry lemonade, white peach, and rainbow sherbet, all available on their website. Break the mold and own your ritual. Just one stick plus 16 ounces of water hydrates better than water alone. Embrace your ritual with extraordinary hydration from Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquidiv.com and use the code YMH at checkout. That's 20% off your first order when you shop for better hydration today using the promo code YMH at liquidiv.com.

Are you ready to pop? The big question, I know it's a huge moment, what they don't tell you is how many decisions you'll have to make when choosing the perfect engagement ring. Shape, size, style, setting, cut, color, clarity, caret. It's so many things and like most people, you have no idea, you have no idea where to go with this.

So you need a place, a resource you can trust, somebody that gets it done, and there's no better place to start at bluenile.com. At bluenile.com, you can create a bigger, more brilliant engagement ring than you ever imagined at a price you won't find at a traditional jeweler. Not only that, you can also buy other jewelry there. Isn't that right, Cheen?

Let me tell you, I didn't know that Blue Nile's been around since 1999. Did you know that? I had no idea. And I went on bluenile.com and I got the most spectacular gold necklace. And the quality's impeccable, they send it to you, it's beautiful.

And these are the things, if you get, whether you get that or you get an engagement ring, you don't have to worry about the delivery guy being like, hey, is this your engagement ring? Because they send it in discrete packaging that doesn't give it away. So right now, get $50 off your purchase of $500 or more with the code, yourmom at bluenile.com. That's $50 off with the code, yourmom at bluenile.com. Bluenile.com. And we're back and super excited for our guest.

You can check out his new podcast, Jim Norton Can't Save You. It's Jim Norton everybody. Oh Jim Norton. Thanks guys. Thanks for coming. I can't believe this is a long time that this has not happened in.

I know, we keep, every time I'd be here, you would be away because you're on tour somewhere or like when you guys were available, I wasn't here. I know. So I'm happy it's finally happening. Yeah, I'm be here you would be away. Yes, you're on tour somewhere or like when you guys were available I wasn't here. I'm happy. It's finally happening. Yeah, I'm so happy to see you man. We are huge huge fans Oh, thank you. Yeah, you're an amazing comic Obviously you've been doing great radio and podcasting forever, too, but this is fucking this is a treat man. Thank you I'm happy now watch me bomb for an hour. No We actually did that show together.

Wasn't it the three of us that did that? In Pittsburgh. In Pittsburgh. And that was 2014. What? Yeah. God, that feels like an eternity ago. Vaguely. Yeah, I remember that. Some weird theater for Randy and DVE. The radio guys. DVE. Oh yeah, DVE. Oh my god.

And everybody did. It was like 10 people or something. It was 2014. It was 2014. Yeah, oh my god. And everybody did, it was like 10 people or something. Yeah. It was 2014. It was 2014. Yeah, it's depressing. I think so. Fuck. Or maybe 15, I don't know. No, because we didn't have kids then. We were still like normal people.

Yeah, you're right, you're right, yeah. Wow. It was a long time ago, yeah. It was like a tag, I didn't even know who closed it. You did. Did I really? You closed it. Oh, I didn't.

Wow. Wow. Wow, I have no memory of that. I remember very well, it was, yeah. Oh my god, I was so starstruck. I remember being on that lineup with you. I was um, yeah, I got I was so starstruck I remember being on that lineup with you Yeah, we all were yeah, yeah, thanks Yeah, no, you're you're because you I mean this honestly your stand-up is so good You are you are definitely an underrated as much success and everything that everybody knows, your stand up is so good. Because the thing I like watching is like somebody

who's like willing to take risks and go for it, you know? And I feel like you're one of those guys that if I watch you I'm like, man, I gotta fucking step it up. Which is a good thing to have, you know? It's a good feeling to have. Yeah, if you're like emotionally vomiting, it feels good just to kind of get it out because then I can't get caught. Yeah. Like you're not gonna get busted with something if you tell everybody you're very honest. You're very honest on stage

It's just a fear of getting caught a fear of being like oh somebody telling something about me something if I tell you first You know how it is yeah, sure nothing to say, but you always do you always have that like were you always that way? It's what made comics laugh when I started yeah like it was like I would start and like it was like It's what made comics laugh when I started. Yeah. Like it was like I would start and like it was like it was like 1991 and guys like Bob Levy and Jim Florentine would come and they would always laugh at the stuff I talked about

that was like me and my personal life and sex and on like the honest self deprecating shit like the real self-hatred. Yeah. And that would make my those guys. It's so funny. They were like I love that. So like making them laugh to me was like. That was the win. That was the win.

That was the win, man, yeah. Well what I love about you is that you are so open about your sexual proclivities or your quote deviancies and all of that. And I think in watching somebody who accepts themselves, even if you hate yourself so fully, it allows other people to accept themselves. In a way, yeah, that's always satisfying

if somebody emails me. Like I've gotten a lot over the years of people going, hey, I'm so glad you talked about that because I thought I was alone, like doing that stuff in childhood, or like liking this or liking that. Like it was so nice to hear somebody talk about it. Like guys you wouldn't expect to hear it from

because it was on Opie and Anthony, like they were just barbarians, the audience. But I mean, they're real people. Sure. audience. But they're real people, they're harsh, and they have a vicious, mean sense of humor, but at the end of the day, they're just regular people. So they would write in and they related to certain things and they appreciated it, and they're like, I always thought I was gay if I did this.

And they were right, but I mean, you're a homo. It was nice to get those messages from people. I was like, hey, it's fun telling on yourself, but it's also nice when somebody kind of relates to it. Yeah. I mean, but I think that thing too about watching you be super open and honest. I think even as a comedian, you're watching it and you're like, man, I need more of that open.

You know what I mean? It makes you go like, oh, I should just share that thing that I'm scared to share. Right, because the worst that's gonna happen is they don't like it. Yeah. Or they don't relate. A lot of times they won't admit relating to something. Yes.

It's hard to get people to like, you know how it is. Because it's the mirror. It's too much, because some people aren't conscious, I think, of what it is. Yes. So if you're like, like I was trying to do this bit for the longest time about how women can hate their husbands when you first have a child.

Because it's true, the woman carries the baby for nine months, we're exhausted, we give birth, and then we breastfeed, and you're like, what the fuck have you done? And that's just a very normal, it eventually subsides, but I just couldn't sell it, because the women are sitting next to their husbands in the audience. and they're afraid.

I don't love you. Everything's great. Yeah, you were a great partner. You went to Lamaze with me. Yeah. Yeah, but I think it's natural. I guess so. So were you ever able to sell it? Were you ever able to find the thing that would just kind of, you could just never get it to click where they would be safe going with it? Yeah, because now I have to blame my own mental illness. I blame it on my relationship I had with my father and that he was abandoning. And then I can tie it back to me projecting it on him. And then it gets safer.

Then they go, OK, well. She's messed up. She's still mentally ill. She's crazy. I'm laughing because she's crazy, not because I hated your fucking guts. Exactly. She's like garbage.

But doesn't that help when they think you're crazy? And I think that helps. It gives them the excuse sometimes that they need. Like otherwise they think like if I'm laughing I'm admitting, and if I'm laughing I'm agreeing, but if I'm laughing because they're crazy, it's okay. Because no one's going to stop you at the, and say could you put a checklist of why you laughed at these bits? It doesn't matter.

Why did you laugh? Does it bother you when someone says, as a woman, when someone says we're pregnant? Yes. That drives me crazy when I see a couple saying that. We're, no you're not. She is. She is. Or my partner, I don't like hearing,

just husband, wife. Yeah, just say, just say what. It's fine. She's pregnant. I'm going out tonight. She's going west. What? Yeah.

She's pregnant and I did it. We're pregnant. I hear people you wouldn't expect to it. We're pregnant. I hear people you wouldn't expect to hear saying, we're pregnant or saying that. I'm like, oh. It is like a type of couple too. They're a little bit full of themselves. You can tell when they say we a lot, it's somebody who goes, well, that's the right

thing to say. Sure. It's kind of like the, I don't know, to say sure, you know sure it's it's kind of like the I don't know The ultra liberal type. Yeah, we are doing do you do we? I'm not with pregnant in my house No, not real I mean unless we're doing something but there's really no there wouldn't be much cause for it like We're doing this or it no it would just be me or her. I can't think of any case where it would feel

like we should do it the way a couple like you would do it, like when you're pregnant. Well, yeah, the pregnancy thing is absurd. But even one time, I remember one time, Tom and I, you probably remember what I'm gonna say. We're in the airport getting ready to go on a vacation together, and he gets a phone call and he's like I'm going to Hawaii And I was like just you just you and I was like what about us as a family?

We we are going and you got remember that did I get upset? Yeah probably Here's the truth. It's I still was going away. Yeah, right both things can can be true. One just makes you a little more selfish. I do remember this though. I remember in college, there was a time where one of my roommates, Casey and I, were just like, you know, we had an apartment, we stayed for the summer. That was the thing, where people went, you know,

like in college, went back home, and we stayed. And we were like, getting up college went back home, and we stayed, and we were like getting up, working out together, hanging out during the day, watching movies, and then we went to a party at somebody's place at an apartment, and as we were leaving, I remember I turned to the person, I was like, thanks for having us, and we walked out and I was like,

yo, that's what a couple would say, man. Yeah. I go, I just thank them for having us. Like we walked out and I was like, yo, that's what a couple would say, man. I go, I just thank them for having us. Like we are a unit. Like we're a gay couple now. And I was like, I think we're hanging out too much because I'm like referring to us as one. But it does feel weird if you're walking out with your friend and you go, hey, thanks for having me.

And then he's like a dick, like me too. Me too, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, I don't necessarily, I think in that case, what I say, it would depend on what they're calling me for. If it yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, I don't necessarily, I think in that case, what I say, it would depend on what they're calling me for. If it was someone saying, hey, could you do this? Like a business. Yeah, yeah, or something like that.

I might go, now I'm gonna be in Hawaii. I don't know if I'd say we're going to Hawaii. Hold on, your honor, I think it was your mother who you were talking to. And you were like, I'm going to Hawaii. And I was like, you're not gonna. I mean, I don't think I put that much thought into it. Honestly, I really was just like, yeah.

That's the troubling part, isn't it? It annoyed you though. It annoyed me. It was very selfish, very self-centered. I also remember like, start of the marriage, you being like, you saying something about a we thing. Like we are getting this place. We have a place.

And I was just like, who fucking cares? Well, they said to be careful doing that if you have an apartment and you marry somebody. Be careful about saying our home or whatever because then they can lay claim to it. What? If you get. Oh really? Yeah, I know somebody, she had money and she married a guy and she's like,

just be careful saying something like our place of, she kept it on her, it was her place. Oh, it was my, yeah. I guess so, yeah, this way if they get divorced, he kept it, but then again, maybe that was just her being fucking paranoid and there was no legal basis for it. Yeah, sure, sure. Yeah, definitely, because in New York, isn't it,

what is it called, common, or what is it? Common law stuff? I don't know. Well, there's a thing that I know that I think in Texas, because there's certain states where you can date somebody for, and it's over a certain amount of time. Seven years, I think. And not married, and then they have claim to property.

Oh yeah, common law marriage. Is that if you're living together? You have to live together. Yeah, I don't know if New York has common law. I think it's a seven year period though. Maybe it's different in different places. Let's see. No, New York does not.

Oh good. Thank God. Yeah, yeah. Texas does, I bet, right? Texas is a common law state. Yeah, two God. Yeah. Yeah. Texas does I bet right? Texas is a common last name. Yeah two weeks. Yeah. Definitely. Yes. Informal marriage. To marry without formalities. Okay what is the requirement? You have to be 18, not related, that's good. Not married to anyone else. They have to cohabitate. They must agree to be married though. Oh. So that's

an interesting thing is that they must present themselves as married. What is the proof of that though? That's exactly what I wanted to ask. Because all she's got to say is he told me that we're married, we're like a married couple. For sure. I just have to fill out immigration things. We have to put like, you know, when you're having your green card, the conditions taken off.

Where's she from? Norway. Okay. So having the conditions take off, one have to, one of the things you have to get your friends to sign is something they say they do present as a married couple, they are married, that's where they don't, they're not getting scammed. Yeah.

So many people do that scam too. I've met so many people that have done it for somebody else. And you're like, you're married? Well, you know, kind of. Yeah, they just like hook them up with the green card though. It's crazy. It is crazy.

Can I ask you the dumbest question? Sure. She is. Yep's crazy. It is crazy. Can I ask you the dumbest question? Sure. She is. Yep. So hold on. OK, so you married, but you're married to a trans woman. Yes. So are you married, like boy-girl married,

or are you boy-boy married? Do you know what I mean? Boy-girl married because on her, I mean, I know that's like a whole, I know that that's, you know, I mean, she's definitely, that's like a whole, I know that that's, I mean she's definitely, she's different than you, obviously. But on her passport and on her birth certificate it says female, because Norway is very open about that.

Oh yeah. Okay. Which they've changed the way you can change your, but they actually let you change your birth certificate in Norway. Wow. So it says that. That's very progressive.

It is, yeah, I mean, it's kind of whatever. I mean, it works out well for us, but. But what do you mean? What's the, cause you kind of went like, oh that's not. I don't know, it should be necessarily that easy for a person just to say I am the, like I think there should be some process you go through. It doesn't mean that it can't happen,

but I just think this way would prevent, you know, some guy that looks like me or you. Yeah, just going, hey, I got arrested. I wanna go to a woman's prison. Yeah, sure. Because I would wanna go there. By the way, your wife is lovely. I got to get to know her a little bit

in the green room at Mothership. Oh, okay, yeah. Gorgeous. Oh, thank you. Sweet and funny and like, just so cool. And I'm really happy for you. I mean, I don't know you really well, but you seem very happy and very much in love and like this is a good relationship

Yeah, it's um it's like you know you settle in and you realize like wow I am married like it really is At times great and other times you know yeah, it's everything they said It's every I'm living every fucking hack comic in the 80s. Yeah, it like they, they were right. But I do like it, I was lonely, it sucks when you're in your 50s and you're single, and it's all just, it's one person after the other, or it's nobody for six months, it's just lonely. Yeah, sure. I love having someone.

I love when this is like a real thing that I don't think people talk about enough, is how many people don't have somebody. It really is a huge number of people that are out there that going through life and they go, like if you talk to people, you'll realize you meet people who are like, oh, I haven't had, some people are like,

I haven't had a relationship in 13 years. Yeah. It's like, you know, they just kind of like settle into that. I remember I argued with an ex-girlfriend years ago. I was like 22 and I still remember she's like, you're gonna die alone. And I was like, wow.

And then 25 years later, I still hear that sometimes. I'm like, wow, that really affected. I mean, she was probably, I was a dick and I was a bad boyfriend. But like, I think that's one of the things I was like, I don't wanna die alone. Like, you wanna just be with somebody who you enjoy. And my wife and I, for all the faults or whatever

or the times we argue, if I can't make it work with her, I have no shot at ever being married. Well, that's what I was gonna ask you. What were the, who were you dating before her? I don't wanna limit, had you dated men? Had you dated women? I never dated men. The idea of hugging a man and going,

hey, how you doing, baby? It's just as repulsive to me as it is to any other guy watching this. It's the idea. It's a very weird thing, and people can't understand it because there's other guy watching this. This the idea. It's a very weird thing and people can't understand it because there's a dick in play. So they're like, well, so you like men, but I'm like, no, it's like somebody who lives as a man

or presents as a man. Right. Doesn't do it for you. You don't like masculinity. I hate it. Like being around that, okay. Yeah, unless it's a woman being dirty and aggressive, then that's okay, that's more of a masculine attitude, right?

But it's kind of hard to explain, but there's a lot of people at right now Going this guy's just a homo, and he's delusional and there's other people going yes. I know exactly what you're saying right It's hard to explain yeah, but But you can't consider yourself straight. I mean I'm sorry if there's a if you're out there If you're dating somebody you married to somebody and they have a dick I don't care what their birth certificate says, if you enjoy that dick, you're not a heterosexual male. You're somewhere in between.

Yeah, I don't think you can be hetero, I think common sense. Would it be like you're sexually gay but you don't like gayness? Would that be somewhat? No, because I do like vaginas too. I don't wanna talk you so technically. Bisexual then. I guess, I mean. Not to label it, because I actually don vaginas, too. I want to talk to you so technically bisexual.

I guess I mean not to label it, because I actually don't like all these labels. I know. But some of them are just unpleasant and they're I miss vaginas. Oh, yeah. But I think that but if she had one, I would just be one up like I would miss every one but hers. It's not like if I married somebody with a pussy, I would get a bunch of them. It would just be hers and then the rest I would miss right right right But you know yeah, so that's one thing I of course I do I do miss that but I mean I'm greedy And I'm an addict so I would miss it no matter who I was married to I would miss everything that I couldn't have sure It's kind of normal right yeah, that's just married couple shit. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's very natural.

Yeah. Maybe you're like the future of human sexuality. I don't know. I mean, I don't know if this is gonna catch on. It might. Well, it might. Look, we have Will Blunderfeld on the show and he encourages straight men to try quote gay things.

Like, I don't know, is it society that tells men? Because women can make out with women. Let's say, even in the 90s in college, it was totally fine if I wanted to make out with a girl. Will's got a bit of an angle. He's kind of like, you know, he's like, basically he's like playing with another guy's balls is the straightest thing you can do.

And you're like, wait, what? Like he's always kind of, yeah. There's an of yeah agenda yeah he's got a bit of an agenda which is to let him touch your dick men being men and it's and it's disguised under this like this is what warriors did like he's always like the Spartans yeah and the samurai would lick each other's nipples yeah yeah and then you're like listening to it like, really? He's like, yeah. So do you want to do it? And you're like, I mean,

a dear friend of mine, Jose Menendez, used to say the same thing. He would say that this is what the warriors. But so the warriors are doing gay shit. I mean, that's OK. We don't have to like, everybody's trying to rename it and make it OK. Like it is what it is. Like, yeah. And progressives have just fucking gone berserk. Like stop telling yourself that if you're a guy

and there's a dick in your face, you're a heterosexual male, it's crazy. It's almost like that's the 1940s angle of the only proper answer is heterosexual. So we have to maze and shoehorn the language to get you back to what is proper, which is heterosexual. Just say you're not heterosexual, it's fine. It is fine, especially now and forever.

I think also what you're pointing out is that there, I mean, you're kind of the living proof that there really is a scale on this. You know what I mean? It's like a fluid kind of thing. It's not just black and white. Right. Because your own sexuality is kind of

in the gray area, right? Kind of, yeah. I think I've always been that way as a kid. Always not sure exactly what I wanted. Again, a lot of it is greed, yeah. How small, like what was, what's your earliest memories of being this way? I was probably five.

I remember I used to, yeah, I have a picture of myself and I can date it. It was from 73. And I used to have like little oral sex with my friends, but this one kid I was scared of and I used to have like little oral sex with my friends but this one kid I was scared of and I used to blow him but I think I kind of liked it or I would you know what I mean like when I look back on it's like my therapist like you're my dad I'm like yeah I don't know I maybe I was scared but I did kind of like you guys were in the same age though he was in my age maybe nine

months old within a year old I wasn't like he was 41. I feel like no but he's my friend. He taught me to fish. Was that the first penis you'd ever touched? I think so. This friend at five. Yes but I have a photo of myself like when I fell and I split my head open so I and I know I was already doing it by then so and there's a date on the picture so I know I was a five. Yeah wow that's young. Yeah yeah yeah I was I was off to the rouser goes a I was a trooper yeah yeah yeah it was very active as a kid it was very yeah but I talked about that a lot like you know we would play that the monster rain game and you know it's just one of those things game my it was we would one of us would yell like monster rain and we would hide under the porch and then we would blow each other under the porch. But the monster rain. This was one of your specials. It was, it was called monster rain.

Yeah, yeah, true story. But yeah, we would, yeah, that's where it came from. Yeah. Yeah. It's amazing. But you don't have to mine for material when it's just that. Like when it's there, it's like, I don't have to go out and find an angle on,

fuck, Trump's elected, or this is how it's like But you also start to feed on it too much like you have to talk about other stuff Yes, because otherwise I'm just literally it's like you're carving away at something and there's nothing left anymore Yeah, there's a balance I mean I think it also in like, you know in kind of scoping out an hour like I think about hours a lot now of You know if you have like that type of material, you want it to be like 15, probably max.

15 of that. Yes. So you don't want an hour on blowing and coming. No, not at all. So it's like, you gotta kind of like shape. I mean, we're always trying to shape, like in the hour that I'm out with right now, I have done, if it's four 15 minute chunks, I've done them in every order. Yeah. You know what I mean, we're always trying to shape, like in the hour that I'm out with right now, I have done, if it's four 15 minute chunks,

I've done them in every order. You know what I mean? And trying to figure out what order is best. And I feel like, currently I feel like I figured out the order to do them in, because you don't, because sometimes I go like, oh, that chunk at the end doesn't feel I should end with that. I feel like I gotta move it up.

And you're always just trying to like make it move around. But I try to balance it between Okay stuff. I'm talking about from my life general observational stuff, you know, etc Like having some balance to it all so that it's not just one note Yeah, and and that's interesting to do it like a different order Sometimes I'll do that like I do a Wednesday show in New York at the Fat Black Pussycat where I just run the hour And I work on it, you know You just go through it and sometimes I'll you, you start with the closer and then work your way

backwards and go, is the opening strong enough to close? Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's like, no, the build is kind of what made that better. But yeah, it's ballsy to do that. Like when you're on the road in front of a lot of people switching that 15 minutes. Yeah. You know, well, sometimes it ends and you're like, yeah, I shouldn't have done that. Yeah, that was a bad move.

I should have done that in front of 50 people on a workout night instead of, I'm back on tour now. I had taken time off and I'm not with the radio show anymore so it's like, it's weird. With you and Sam. Yeah, I was at Sirius for 20 years. Wow.

Yeah, it was a lot of talking. And we just couldn't, they just didn't wanna pay it. And I knew it was coming. Like, you know what I mean? Like you see it and it's like, whatever. It's a little scary because it's the first time you're like without that comfortable thing to go to where everything is set up, you just walk in and talk.

But like, I feel good that I didn't blow it up either. Like, you know, in life we sabotage things. Absolutely, especially comedians, so many comedians. Yeah, fuck that, they're fucking fucking. Like and I've learned so many lessons from watching other people implode. Yeah. And watching other people just blow up their life that I'm like have confidence but don't be stupid and think that things won't continue. I mean ACDC went on after Bon Scott died. I mean I mean radio shows will continue whether or not I'm a part of them. Right. So you have to be realistic. Well, that's very, I mean, that's a super mature

approach to this thing. You know what I mean? From you, I'm saying to like, I'm not going to blow this up. I'm going to keep doing it until if somebody doesn't want to do it. But now you're making the, the, the kind of the transition, right? To, to the podcast. Yeah. 30 years in, I mean, I really should be executed for my life. We were there at the beginning and I just I couldn't. I had a contract and I wasn't allowed to do any other audio. That's part of the stuff. Yeah. But back then, I probably could have snuck it in back in 2009 or 10.

I probably could have fucking. Yeah. But I would have ruined my life. Like, I know that I would have done something or said something on the podcast that like today, I would be like, why the fuck. I know that I would have done something or said something on the podcast that today, I would be like, why the fuck did I say that in 2011? I didn't know it was gonna come back to haunt me. We all have. I guess so, right?

We all have. It's just a matter of they haven't found them all yet. That's really what it is. If somebody wants to write the code to search all the audio of things we've said, it could be very destructive. But also, Tommy, well, yeah, of course. But don't you find, too, that, like,

if you've never claimed to be righteous, what the fuck are they gonna take us down on? Like, nobody, we never claimed to be in the right about any fucking thing. Well, that's the thing. At this point, they couldn't, like, they can't take this away. They could just take something else I'm doing away, basically. And they can't take this away. They could just take something else I'm doing away, basically. And they can't take touring away.

Right, so they can't take the two main things in my career away. Thank God for that. They could just be like, oh you can't be on this TV show anymore. Okay. I think that's changed a lot too, or it's starting to. It is starting to.

People are like, ah, enough already. Enough. Especially, again, because so many of the old radio shows are online Yeah, I mean there's hours of Offensive shit. It's a whole show 25 hours a week at one point. It was Monday through Friday 6 to 11 we were doing five hours a day so funny. I mean it's I mean there's a lot of offensive stuff But that that I love that time of radio

a lot of offensive stuff. But that, I love that time of radio, cause I would go between you guys and Stern, and that was such a good time of just like, there was that window before this cancel culture started where shit was actually really hard and funny. They would fuck you back then too though, like they tried to get us with Homeless Charlie, when that homeless guy came in,

and he was really just a funny, like a naturally funny human being, and he was brutal, and he was really just a funny, like a naturally funny human being and he was brutal and he was just talking about Laura Bush and he was talking about the Queen of England and having sex and like, but in a way that would be very, very unpleasant for them. Yeah. And we were, we got kicked off a satellite for a month.

We got suspended for a month. We got suspended for a month. And the only thing that saved us, yeah, Bill was in that day, the only thing that saved us was that we were actually on K-Rock, and since it didn't happen on their airwaves, they kept the show. But that was the one time, I hated Terrestrial,

we were doing kind of double duty, and that actually saved us from our lives being our job. We had gotten fired once already, so I mean, it was real gotten fired once already so I mean yeah yeah yeah that era was all about like like you guys and Stern people it was either like fines and suspensions and firings like it was a regular thing well it Janet Jackson fucked everything without him intending to because after she that nipple slip yeah I think Bush was president it was 2003 and the fines went tenfold. So it went like from 35,000 per occurrence

to 350,000 per occurrence. That's a big jump. And if you did it on 10 stations, it was, you get fined on each station. So I think that that's when everybody just was like, we can't do this, they crack down, and then it just started to get shitty. And again, that kind of eventually gave the birth

to podcasts where people just couldn't hear it on the radio anymore, and again that kind of eventually gave the birth the podcast where People just couldn't hear it on the radio anymore and podcast you could do whatever the fuck you wanted So are you enjoying the podcasting? I'm only I mean I've done I'm only I do one with my wife which we've been doing for a while But this one of just me I and a guest I like a lot I've only done a few episodes we got like eight episodes taped, but I love it Yeah, it's so much fun and And total freedom, like total freedom. Total freedom, and it's an hour,

and you're in your house, and I didn't think I would like it in the house, but it's like, I can have somebody whenever I want. Like, whenever you wanna do it, you just do it. It's great. That's the best, dude. Yeah, I don't know, it's nobody telling you what you can and can't fucking say.

No, and nobody else to have to, no matter how much you like your radio partner, there's always two different thought processes going into it, two different senses of humor. And I just wanna say what I wanna say and I want the pace to be what I want the pace to be. Exactly, yeah, you dictate it. I mean.

I dictate it, yeah. That's kind of fun, like, I remember the whole reason one of the reasons I even wanted to do a podcast was I went on another guy's podcast And I was just like oh, I wouldn't I I wouldn't do it this way You know I mean it started to like it bothered me like why wouldn't you ask that guy that question? Right he was like I don't know so that was just like the same kind of thing of you're like I'd rather do it the way I want to do it Yeah, you want the control over it I'm enjoying the fact that it's it we were gonna get a studio But they were closed for the holidays like this whole thing happened really fast

Yeah, so I was just like I've learned from watching other people lose radio jobs. I'm like don't fucking languish Don't just sit there like a lump of shit hoping and being bitter shut up start doing something else So at least you're you you know, you're focused on something else. You can't just sit there and feel sorry for yourself. Nobody wants to, nobody cares. Nobody should feel sorry for me. Well that's like life that taught you not to just sit around.

Because like maybe 25 year old version of you would do that or something, you know? Getting fired in 2002 changed my life. Like that changed everything for me. You see that it can happen. They can take everything from you. You see that it can happen. They can take everything from you. You also know that you're going to be okay.

I remember I was with Bobby Kelly. We lived in the same building. And I lived on the 22nd floor. And I'm like, I was saying to myself, like I should just jump out the window. Like I finally have fans and now the whole thing is gone. My life sucks. Just fucking kill yourself.

Yeah, it was stupid, but then tough crowd came along. So there's always something else. There's always something. Always something else. Although now it's just me. So I don't have Collins fucking coattails to get dragged behind or all one day to come back. So we'll see how it goes. Oh man. That your crew, like your core group is like I think amongst comedians is one of the favorites to

admire and look up. You know what I mean? Like people love hearing about you, Colin, Patrice, Rich, like as a group. You guys seem to have like the, one of the coolest classes of people. It was fun. I still see Colin and Keith all the time. Like it'll be Keith Robinson,

who's actually just as funny. It's crazy he had a stroke. And Keith is amazing. And I hate, I would never say this to him, but he's amazing because he never feels sorry for himself. Yeah, like it's fucking crazy. He never Complains about having to walk up and down the steps at the cellar a lot of times I'll see him walking from the parking garage to the club and he's just you know He can only walk it very very slow and never feel sorry for himself. It's it's really

Inspiring and it's exactly the opposite of how I would handle it. I would be milking it and bitching and he just did a brilliant hour on Netflix. It's really inspiring to see him and he's still funny, which is crazy. That's incredible. And Patrice, these dumb fans, it's always a matter of what, especially with my marriage, what if Patrice was alive? What would he say? And I think that he would love the fact that his name is being used to torture all of us. He would love the fact that all of a sudden

he's this gold standard of life and we're just these fucking shit plebes living in his shadow. He would really enjoy that. Yeah, his name's brought up constantly for all this. I like it though. I love that people see him that way. Yeah, the memories alive.

It's nice, yeah. And it's like, I wish he would have gotten to see it, but I'm happy for him that he's not forgotten. Like Otto, Otto's not forgotten, but I wish Otto was talked about more, of Otto and George. Otto and George, yeah. Yeah, I mean, one of the funniest people to ever live.

I remember getting those tapes, we had like Otto and George tapes. Oh yeah mean, one of the funniest people to ever live. I remember getting those tapes. We had like Otto and George tapes. Oh yeah. Yeah, it was crazy, like passed around. He was so great. And I just wish that more people talked about him, but I'm happy for Petrie. You know what I mean?

When you see one friend getting so many accolades, you're happy and then you're like, I wish he got a little bit more. And Greg. And Geraldo, I love Geraldo. I loved him. God, I memorized his stuff. Yeah, he was such a good comic.

He was so funny. So good. His son does comedy. No! His son, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think he's Greg Jr. What? And he's a good looking kid, and yeah, he's following his dad's footsteps.

And I just think how happy Greg would be to see him doing that. He's in the city doing it? He is, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was working at the Cellar as a waiter, and now he's out just kind of like, just hustling like every other young comic.

It's great to see. That's crazy. That's awesome. Yeah. Geraldo was a funny dude. Yeah, and so bright. Ew. Yeah, he was in Harvard.

He went to Harvard. Jesus Christ. Isn't it crazy how many comics went to law school, went to Harvard, all this stuff, and then there's me Yeah, how far did you guys drop that a high school? Well, I got that I was a college and everyone goes like huh what cuz I went to Lenore Ryan College I don't know yeah, and then they're like is that a real school. I'm like yeah I mean I was I was a terrible high school student. I got through college all right, but yeah

I don't think I could have used a degree less. You know, communications major, it's nonsense. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking. It's garbage. It's just four years of fucking around. It's not, yeah. Do you feel attached to those years?

Do you, like, when you look back at high school and like, they'll, because obviously they want you both to go to your reunions because you're who you are. Do you go or do you like, eh? No. No. No.

No, I don't go to any of that. I mean, the funny thing is sometimes I'll think about college and the only thing I go is like, oh yeah, it really is the relationships. In other words, like college connected me to some people that are meaningful to me, right? Like certain friends. As far as like, I couldn't tell you about a class

or a goddamn single thing I learned, nothing. It's just like, huh? That's sad. Oh yeah, I mean, that's just, I don't. Dude, I had a philosophy professor that changed my life. This guy was fucking dying. Back it up. He had built his own log cabin

before he was a philosophy professor. He was a professional or what semi-professional boxer. He had lived this incredible life, became a philosophy professor, had an affair with his student, ended up marrying her, making a kid. The kid ended up going to the college. Like this guy led such a great life. And then he was dying of cancer. And then he taught existentialism through his treatment and dying of cancer, which was so fucking crazy and surreal to actively be dying and to teach young kids about life and death at the same time.

The guy changed my life forever. You know, like they open your mind and his penis was delicious. I know that's where you were going with it. I did not have a crash on that. I was definitely not going there with it. But you changed my life. You opened up my brain. I'll tell you my most fond memory. This is how you know that I was a comedian in a class is that in communications, there's different tracks you can take. And I took

TV radio production and there was a class on advertising. And what I still remember is our professor teaching us about like ad copy and like how you have to, you know, how, how the process goes and how it can, like there's a, there's a template you used for an ad. This is like in print advertising and how it could go sideways. And he's like, and he cited this example and he brought up the image on the screen of a newspaper, I think in North Carolina that was advertising for a sporting goods store. And the ad said, wear these skis

and you'll ski like a... Oh. And I laughed so hard. And nobody else laughed. And I was just like, oh else laughed and I was just like That is so inappropriate And I'm sure you can find it by the way, you can probably find this thing on somewhere in online Yeah, this and so this was like the

Example that he gave and I was like, yeah, yeah, you'll ski like a f***ing knees. Congrats. It appeared in The Observer or something. I mean that's so funny. It's so funny. Who does not laugh at that? I mean this guy did not and half the, I mean, if you go back one, if you quote that.

That's amazing. And you put images, I bet you it comes up. Right there, probably see where it says 79.97? Wow. That's it, it's just a drawing? Oh man, they should have really, I thought they'd go harder on the image. Yeah. You'll ski like a, I mean, come on.

That's fucking, who would not laugh at that? And this guy was like showing us on the board and being like, you know, I'm laughing, and he's like, why would not laugh at that? And this guy was like showing us on the board and being like, you know, I'm laughing, and he's like, why would you laugh at this? I'm like, because you're skilling. Ugh. Yeah, and it's like. And because it made it through.

And it made it, yeah, of course it made it. What it is, it's like, it's just being a little rascal, right, it's like, it's very rascally. It is very rascally. It's like a little kid getting away with like, haha. I wrote fuck on the wall. When someone puts porn in like like in like some type of presentation Yes, and porn I don't care where it is. It's always fun. It's always

Who doesn't enjoy that now? We're dirty like just something inappropriate Inappropriate is my that's like everyone has their button for laughing. Anything inappropriate, like the person cursing at the gala, you know what I mean? Like the juxtaposition of like, you shouldn't do this here, I will always bust out laughing in tears. That's what I, I think that's my- Even like vandalism, like you put a dick on a billboard and I'm gonna giggle every fucking time.

Absolutely, especially with a woman. So good. Yeah. That's so good. Ah every fucking time. Absolutely. Especially with a woman. So good. Yeah. That's so good. Ah, my gal. Yeah. Oh yeah, vandalism is like.

Vandalism's when it's funny. Or even, I don't know if you did this growing up, when you'd make a googly eye, you erase around the eyeball of somebody in the black and white book, you know what I'm saying? Like a picture. Right. And then you make the eye big and googly.

Like even that, I'll show you what I mean. No, but that's a, I'm pissed I missed that one. Yeah, that's a good one. And that dick is great. That's a good dick. Some guy said, I forget who it was that did this interview, he's a prisoner. And he said that one of the things that prisoners would do

which were assholes is like you read, he got a book, it was a mystery, and somebody had gotten the book first and went back and the guy who actually does it, they circled his name every time it appeared in the book. That's amazing. So it just wrecks it. I wish I would have thought to do that. This reminds me, I always think about Brendan Walsh

when this stuff comes up. You know Brendan Walsh? He's such a rascal. Yeah, such a man. He's just like this is him. Oh, yeah. This fucking lunatic has he always has done these these like pranks, but they're like for himself sometimes, too. Like he got he he was in some zoom. It was for like, I don't know.

It was like, that's the thing is that just for him during the pandemic, you know, everybody was zoom some zoom. It was for like, I don't know, it was like, that's the thing is that just for him during the pandemic, you know, everybody was zoom. Yeah. And it was like, I forget what the topic was people were discussing. I don't know if it was like public health or something. And he would, he got in on these and there'd be like six strangers talking about these this topic, it could have been book reviews or something. And he found somebody,

he would find people like on Craigslist to join the Zoom. He'd give them a hundred dollars to be just sitting there like a guy. And then at one point he would just tell them to stand up naked. And so these people would just stand up and their decking balls would come across and everyone would be like, whoa.

And then he would be like, what's going on? Like he set it up. He set it up. Or he also did that billboard in Silver Lake, where it was a T-Mobile billboard. And it had huge images of cell phones with texts in it. So it was like, sign up for our new plan, you know, it's one of these. And he went up there and did that to it.

Your father passed away, oh my God, what? He did that, dude, it's funny. It's amazing. That's really funny. So you're driving and you're like, what the fuck is that? Your dad died? I mean, come on. Oh my god.

But see, this would make me like Samsung a lot. I know. I'd buy that. I'm going to get a Galaxy. That's really funny. Remember when he covered, so there is a gay bar in Silver Lake called MJ's right by our house. Oh my god.

And didn't he? He made a banner. Dude, this was really, well they were, they were closed. So the first thing was this neighborhood gay bar. Yeah, it was a gay bar. In Silver Lake. In Silver Lake, which is like the East side. Yeah, yeah.

It's like a staple. It's near Los Feliz, right? Yeah, near Los Feliz. And the bar was closing and so, you know, like the local community was like, oh, I can't believe it's you know It's closing. So he went there had a like a big banner made Hung it up and then set up a website so that it would they would be connected and this is a this is the most

liberal kind of you know, very tree hughuggy kind of area of LA. And he, the sign said, coming soon, Silver Lake Gun Club. And, dude, here's the thing. He put the website, which was like HTML built and it an eagle just like going like this And and he put up a phone number that people could leave and he goes He's like yeah, just I just listened to people leave what they're like. We do not want this And then sometimes he said he would answer when they would call and he'd be like so they gun club and they're like What are you doing? He's like, I'm just this is America man I can do what I want and like hang up on them. Just listen to them get fired up

This is all for his own amusement. That is so funny Yeah, it's really funny people out there like when you hear about a guy like this You're like that what a fucking sorry civil a gun club is civil is not getting a gunshot That's him If you went to the website no, it's not No, it's not, unfortunately. Oh, it's not? God damn. That's really funny. Yeah, there's people like him though, you're saying, right?

I'm not creative like that. I wish I was. My humor works different than that, but I wish I had the ability to do that. That's such a, that and that T-Mobile thing, that made me laugh out loud. That's really funny. I know, it's kinda like when sometimes you're around

guys who are just comedy writers only. And some of the shit that they just come up with as an idea for a scene or something, you're like, wow, that is like, they have just a gift for that type of creativity, right? Are you good at that? I'm not good at that. I'm not good at conceptualizing I'm not good at like conceptualizing

like the bigger picture, the scene. Like for me it just comes in like little spurts and little aggressive actions and then I'm kind of done. I mean I like doing that kind of stuff and I think I'm okay at it but I definitely think there's people that are far better. You're great at like sketches. You're really good at that.

Like coming up with a funny scenario. I think you're really good at that. I mean I'm okay, I think I'm okay. I think what happens is once you put yourself in a room with the people who are really good at that. Like coming up with a funny scenario, I think you're really good at that. I mean, I think I'm okay. I think what happens is once you put yourself in a room with the people who are really good at it, you're like, oh, Jesus Christ. You know what I'm always jealous of

are like the Twitter people. Oh, Colin Quinn's career at Twitter. The great tweet, the great tweets? Yeah, or just. What was Colin's thing again? God, he was so funny with that. Colin, he was just such an ass and nothing bothers him and he'd always say,

hey fans! And it's just so infuriating and he just doesn't care. But he really doesn't care. So it works because it's legit. He's just being ridiculous. He doesn't care. He's not trying to make any big points. No and it always makes me laugh. Yeah. Oh God.. Oh, yeah. The conflict between Arabs and Israelis is not just about land, but in my opinion, there's a religious aspect that can't be ignored. Just the amount of people that will go, we're fucking talking about it. They just don't understand that he's being an idiot. Hey, girls, if you want to look more appealing to me, forget the push-up bras and push up the sides of your mouth.

A smile is the new tits! Exclamation mark. Yeah, this is amazing. I'm not a racist who believes in white privilege, but I do believe very strongly in white power. I think he's probably right. Him or Attell. And you hate saying those guys because they're like of all of course everyone says them it's like saying Richard Pryor

or Chappelle but I think Colin is probably my favorite guy to watch because every year it's a new hour it's about something yeah and it's really like he's never I remember I was on stage one time at the cellar doing something it was just whatever, I was just going from A to Z quickly, and he just walked through it and he went, nice writing, lazy. And he was right, I was fucking, I'm lazy.

He never is lazy with his writing. It's always, it's never the easy road. He doesn't do the audience's emotional work. I just, he's just great, he's the best guy. Yeah, his stand, and then, yeah, he can, and then you like learn on his hours and shit too. Yo, that's another, yeah. Which is kind of annoying.

That kind of annoys me, yeah. I don't like that he actually, you'll see a clip and you're like, wow, I really didn't know that. And I'm like, ugh, that's what he wants me to say. I hate him. I do too. But the material is great. Like, he's able to take these dry subjects.

Like, the Constitution is not a funny thing. No, and he makes it that way now red state blue state. Those are not funny Subjects, but he makes them hilarious. I remember with Dave too I always tell this but like when I had worked with him, this is like close to 20 years ago and I Had he was like really complimentary and I was like, you know, just starting kind of, I was like this fucking amazing. And then I saw him like a year later and I did a set and I did one of those jokes

from the year before. And he was like, you're still doing that, huh? And I go, what? He goes, you're not writing? And I goes, he's's like it's 20 minutes You can't you don't have any 20 minutes and I was like He was what he wouldn't be like an actor or something. I was like And I was only a few years that you know, it was like yeah

So cutting but it was the same kind of thing where I was like, oh he's I'm being lazy like I haven't yeah He's telling you something. He's fucking with you Yeah, but he's also such a great, no matter what he says, you know it's coming from a place of a guy who's brilliant, and I hate saying that because the word is thrown around too much, but I mean he really is a fuck, his mind, Jaslenik has the ability to do that too,

like with Dave you never see the punchline coming, and again I have no idea where it's, you know we write jokes, so you kind of know the fucking AB, you never see it coming and it annoys me and jesslyn like even though He's got kind of like a cadence and a pace. Yeah, and you have an idea of where it might be 90% of the time I still don't see You're like this is gonna be fucked up Yeah, or like and you try to guess which fucked up it'll be yeah, but you don't always know that's how I know I like

That's how I think somebody is good. I'm with Colony, I never see it coming. When I don't see it coming, I'm like fuck. Yeah. Yeah, it's also, I can't watch guys. I don't want to watch guys who I wish I was doing what they're doing. I know, I know, same. That guy's better.

Yeah, it's upsetting. Do you get those, those like weird petty, like I don't say jealousies, but those weird like, fuck, he's great and I'm just never going to be that kind of guy. Oh yeah. You do. Oh yeah yeah for sure man I mean and then and I think the my maturity is in that in accepting it like in the times when I go well how about he's just great you know I mean it's like it's like when you play sports right like fuck and someone's really and then one day you just go yeah he's just the best guy on

the team like he's that's just what it is right at what point Do we let go of I'm gonna? Do is that weird dream of being the best being the one at what point do we say like yeah? I'm good at what I do, but I'm not I'm not gonna be that guy and like when does that happen? I mean, I don't I feel like I'm kind of I I feel pretty much in that where I go You know I'm really lucky. I'm really happy that I get to work and I have a fan base and you go, yeah, there's just days where you go like, you know what? I'm pretty proficient at what I do and some people really like it.

Yeah. And then you go, when people talk about like the best, the best, you go, it's these people. And I guess like depending, like, I don't want to act like it's the same every day. But I think there's a point where you just go, yeah, that's these people, and I guess depending, I don't wanna act like it's the same every day, but I think there's a point where you just go, yeah, that's who they talk about. They talk about those guys. And that's fine. Yeah, I'm okay with it too.

I just don't know when it happened. I don't know what the period was where you kind of slide into accepting that and going, yeah, I'll always be good at what I do and it's great and some people like it and some people think it stinks, and that that's fine. Yeah, but that group I'm not in that group. Yeah, I don't know when I came to accept that Yeah, I know I think it's a I feel like it's kind of just this process because another year goes by and you're like, yeah I'm not in that group. Are you on lists? I never wind up on

Never I never run. See some of that a lot of that is like the machine too of publicists and also who's publishing that it's usually one team of peeps. It's not that that's a lot of it. It's all of it. It is what it is. It's bullshit. It's not real. It's not even to diminish those people who are super accomplished.

But lists are PR machines. That's what that is. A lot of times, people on a list, a lot of times all have the same PR person. And sometimes they're plugged into this thing. And you know, it's almost like, I think the longer you do it too, when you start reading like reviews of a special, and somebody's like, you'll remember where you were.

And you saw this, you're like, this isn't really accurate. You know, this is just one person's feeling. It's just like if I wrote it, it's just my feeling. So, but yeah, on a top 10 list, I'm never on the list. Top 10, I mean, I'm talking top 100, I just. Oh stop. There he is.

Oh, both of you on the same list. Okay. You guys both are on the same list! Well, some lists are amazing. Segura and Norton, five... Oh, and Netflix you need to watch? There you go. You guys are on the same list. Did your producers make this up before?

Yeah, it's on fucking... It's on writersbone.com. Thank you, Writers Bone! You got it! There's never times... It's, it's, it's, it's never, there's never times. It's also from 2014, Jim. Oh, right. Well, I'm just seeing it.

I feel refreshed. Do you feel better now? New sense of confidence. Yeah, this is pretty great. Can you find any more lists? Like, good ones though. Oh, Jesus. Oh, 79 comedians to chat with.

We have to be on that, right? Are we on? Okay, how are you made it has a master of fan base cool What year is this this is probably this is powery and Nick Schwartz and yeah, this is only Yeah, this has got to be I'm gonna guess this is 2015 This is not a new list Although milanies on it, so maybe it's not that old. What year is that from? 2020.

2020. He's like the prototype when they go, this is how you should, this is a comedian. Yeah. I think. He's handsome. He's handsome. Great writer.

Yeah. Very clever guy. And a good performer. It's always different. Yep. Yeah, you look at him, you're like, yeah, I get why he's really successful. But here's the thing, Yeah. Yeah, you look at him. You're like, yeah, I get why he's really successful But here's the thing Jim Norton is that?

if I want to hear about Giving a five-year-old kid a blowjob. I want it from you. You're the only guy that can tell that story Well when I was five, let's just to clarify not like now How do you fire from driving a bus? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, sorry. But I mean, do you know what I mean? Like John Mulaney can't do that.

I don't want him to do that. I don't want him to blow five. It's also my favorite to add to that. It's my favorite type of. You guys know what I'm fucking saying, schmucks. God, you're so immature. type of You guys know what I'm fucking saying, shmucks ha ha ha God You guys are so immature, grow up To make it real clear, Jim is not talking about

Yeah, he doesn't blow things now No, no, no, I was also five Yeah, yeah I'm trying to give him a compliment Thank you Jerks The point is, I like, but I like the deep weirdos and I've always liked them. I always like the darker stuff.

And I'm not gonna like, I don't like the stuff everyone else likes. You know what I mean? I think it's more valuable. Yeah. That you're a bit of a dark horse, a weirdo. I like that. If you're hitting something in people or if they relate to something that they don't want to admit or talk about, it always feels good. Because that's what makes me laugh. any it's the stupidest thing oh I was thinking that and I didn't want to say but when you hear a comic hit something like that it still makes me feel yes something yeah I mean that's what politics is somebody says something that I feel in my guts and The guys who are really good at being political or guys who know how to hit that thing

That's in your gut and make it look like that's the way everyone else should feel So yeah, you know it kind of works and the guy who can work the room the best is usually the guy who wins The guy who can tap into that yeah true story. I like I've always it's like the same reason like I don't watch PG movies I like watching rated-r movies like that's what I like watching rated-R comedians. Like that's my favorite thing to watch. Yeah, this is bad news bearers. I like the new one. The new one was much better. Yeah, I don't like PG movies either. I just feel like, nah, they're gonna censor something out that I want to see. Yeah. It's almost like in Smokey and the Bandit, which is such a great fucking hilarious movie. There's a line where Jackie Gleason,

like he sees the cop and the thing and he goes, next time wear a badge on your deity. And it was covering the word dick. But it's so bad, it's such a bad afterdub. But you can see his mouth, he goes, next time wear your badge on your dick. Which would have been a really funny line. Really funny.

But they, I think deity. He goes, next time wear your badge on your dick, which would have been a really funny line. Really funny. But they, I think, deity. Like your diaper, whatever that is, it was such a bad dub. He's amazing in that. So funny. I don't think I've ever seen a funnier performance by anybody anywhere than him. He's the funniest fat guy ever.

Like again, Belushi was great, John Candy was great, Chris Farley's great, but in that realm of larger thanlife fat guys, nobody was funnier than Gleason. So funny, especially in this movie. Oh my god, incredible. Also, I used to watch, as a kid, I would watch the Newlyweds, right? What was it called? What was the show that he was on from the fucking...

Oh yeah, the honeymooners. The honeymooners, sorry. I used to watch that as a kid all the time. He's like a clinic in funny, natural acting. And they said he wouldn't rehearse and he would just kind of like, like they said if he was rubbing his stomach, it meant he was trying to like remember a line. Like he was just one of those guys

that was just great in the moment and the rest of them would want to rehearse. I think Joyce Randolph is the only one that got residuals out of that trick scene really yeah I think her brother was a lawyer or her brother-in-law was a lawyer And she signed something for like whatever she signed but she wound up getting money over the years And the rest of them did not oh back then it was live Yeah, right done, and no one thought it would be anything else right because syndication didn't exist until I love Lucy. I think

Oh, yeah, dude Audrey Meadows was the only cast member of the honeymoon received residual payments for the show throughout her life Oh, this was due to a clause in her contract, which was the result of her managers. Oh, see I got a rookie I thought it was I thought was Joyce Randolph. It was Audrey Meadows. Okay, it was one of them. Oh, that's amazing Yeah, she was really funny. She was like the first feminist on TV. Like she always won. She was always right. She was always smarter than a fucking husband. And she brutalized him. Yeah.

I mean, some of the lines were just, they were just just really, really monstrously funny. Yeah. Things she got to say. That's so. It's the best show ever. It's incredible. They couldn't touch sex. They couldn't touch divorce They you know nothing that you can kind of they had such a limited

Yeah Boundaries where they could work in corridor. Yeah your boundaries and they were just you've seen the original Alice just doesn't work No, there's like an original Alice and I think she played a maid on later episodes But they a couple of them I think I think her and Trixie were the second ones. Great show. Amazing. You've never seen an episode, now you have to watch. You've never watched Honeymoons?

I've only seen, to the little analysis, like I know, I've seen takeouts or whatever. Wow! I've never watched a full episode, no. There's only 39 of the classic, like there's other ones that were shot for like, I think Cavalcade of Stars or whatever the show was, but the 39 like

the guts of the series episode the big ones wow you've never seen them that's amazing no I was watching Mr. Ed growing up Mr. Ed was good this is great and the the Jefferson's but that's not black and white I Sherman Hemsley I got to know him a little bit really yeah I'm not well but he would come around He was doing stand-up, and he would do cat me and boss hung out with him And he's probably at that time there was the most famous person I'd ever been around because every homeless people everyone Recognized George Jefferson yeah, but he went on at Caroline's and he it was cuz he was like a kind of a half-souled Room and he walked on the Jefferson's theme song,

and he just did like 35, 40 minutes of stand-up, and I think he brought people on, but it was nice to get to know him. Yeah. Nice guy, sweet guy. Very nice guy, yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd be kept in touch for a while, and then he died. Oh, man.

Yeah, and then that. Let me, can I ask you to throw the cans on for just one segment here? Sure. Because I um can I ask you to throw the cans on for just one side sure So because I always this I think you're the perfect person to do this with Is there can you hear well? I know you have yes, okay? So we'll show you these videos sure just a few clips, and you just you just tell me whether you think it's Horrible or or hilarious okay, so we just like to play these for people. Fuck.

Oh he laughed though, yeah. It's both. It's horrible and it's hilarious. It is both, it is both. Just one more time, here we go. I can see myself doing this though. Oh yeah, we can all, I mean. He just slid.

Oh dude, right in the kneecap. Cause you get confident sometimes around a pool. You're like, I'm going to have fun now. I'm a kid again. And then, yeah, you forget that you can break everything. And pool disasters are like when someone jumps off a roof, you're so vulnerable because it's all concrete and you smash your knees.

Oh dude. Yeah, pool disasters are terrible. Concrete, steel, and then, or a shallow end. It's all It can all go sideways for you. Yeah, you can wind up in a wheelchair easy. Oh Yeah, this is pretty reckless. These guys are kind of assholes. Yes. My people are standing around She's fucked up yeah, she's super fucked up she is yeah, yeah, but it's hard not. She's fucked up. Yeah. She's super fucked up. She is, yeah. But it's hard not to laugh because you know something's

about to happen. Yeah, you do. And those guys are going, you know, that's definitely more than 30 miles an hour. That's a dick move, yeah. That's a dick move. But again, I see the humor in it. Watching somebody get flattened is always funny.

It's always funny, yeah. Is this how congested it is when you sled? I didn't grow up in snow. No, this is crazy. And they're real crazy because like, you could have cleared it, you know what I mean? You could have found a path. No, it's not normally like this.

They just wanted to zip through people. They wanted people as their obstacles. Yes. Oh, dicks. Well then fuck you. Oh, I don't like this one. Oh. Oh.

Oh, I don't like this Okay, I like this one and that's not I've seen really bad one that wasn't bad at all No, cuz it looks like the bar it almost looks like what you would consider a girl's bike like the boys bikes We have the bars where your nuts get smashed Do they have that bar or is that bar low like in a girl's bike? Because it doesn't look like his balls get crunched too bad. That's right. The bar's lost. And also this is where you can tell that there's gonna be a real problem

is right when he's about to, yeah. When he's reaching for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's gonna be bad. Let's see. Oh, the bar, no it doesn't look like a standard bar, right? Right, it looks like, like if that bar had been there right now, his balls would be smashed., it looks like, if that bar had been there right now,

his balls would be smashed, but it looks like it's not there. It's almost like an e-bike maybe, because it's such a chunky area. Or like a beach cruiser? This isn't like a dirt bike, is it? No. It's different, he's using the wrong bike. He is, yeah, but he got lucky there.

Save his balls, save his balls. All right, this one, here we go. His teeth are gone, but his balls are great. This is my final one. Here you go. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! That's disgusting. Oh my God. Did he lose his shoes? I mean, he lost his face. He slid on his fucking face. Oh, that one got me. Yeah.

That one got me. Oh! Oh! Poor fat me. Yeah. That one got me. Oh. Oh. What fat idiot. Yeah. Having fun trying to prove that he's still got it. Yeah, he's still got it with his buddy. These are two dicks and khakis.

Oh my god. Wearing the same outfit, by the way. They're wearing the same outfit, these fucking morons. Oh no. Clearly been drinking. Look at the stumble starts there. That's where he starts to go wrong. He's two blocks back and he's falling.

He hasn't run in... But he's not wearing shoes, that's the problem. Because he probably had on dress shoes and his friend goes, you want to race like in the old days? And he's like, let me take my shoes off. Oh, is that fantastic. Dude, the skin just came off his face. I so wish we had the aftershot of yeah like missing face

Give us these shots of that like Motorcycle accidents I've seen like a lot of videos of people who like have these awful Motorcycle accidents and the fucking piece of their half their face is gone. I can't get on a motorcycle no way I just saw a video of a Tiger I just saw a video of a tiger attacking a guy. Have you seen this? Was it in a cage in India? Yeah, I think it's in some type of... It looks like it's...

There's no reason for a person to be there and other people to be outside of it. So it must be at a zoo or something. But anyways, he doesn't die. And the aftermath is insane. I don't know if I saw it. How long did it last? Huh? That sounds really nice. Yeah. Did you wash it on the toilet this morning? I washed it last week. I don't know how long the attack. So what happens is it starts with the there's tigers around this dude and then somebody shoots like they're trying to like make the tigers run and the tigers scatter but then one

comes back and starts gnawing on the guy and clawing on him and then it just goes to the hospital footage and These wounds are just I have it on my I'll show it to you Yeah, I would love to see it This is different the one I'm thinking I was in a zoo or something and he had jumped into like the tiger cage and the tiger Was just walking around with him dragging him by by the head, and people were throwing things. It's crazy how when an animal like that is eating someone, intervention doesn't matter to it. No, you're fucked, you're just dead.

You're doomed, he's not afraid of people hitting him, he's not intimidated by like. A lot of big cats too, even in the wild, they like to play with their prey before they eat it. So sometimes people are like, oh, that's cute. Like it's playing with that gazelle, and you're like, no, it before they eat it. So sometimes people are like, oh, that's cute. Like it's playing with that gazelle. And you're like, no, it's gonna eat it in a little bit here. He's having fun right now.

It's net. There was one video, it was from an African safari, and it was like, it was either a gazelle, or it was one of those, a buffalo stuck in the mud, like up to the shore, and the lions are just eating it alive. And then they bite its asshole out. Yeah. Wow. Because I guess that's sweet,

but they went for its asshole, and they bit his asshole out while he was alive. Nature's very unpleasant. Sweet. Yeah. And then intestines fall out, and they're like, this is delicious. Yeah. Well, they like to eat the soft tissue first,

so that's why they'll eat organs like that first. Oh, that makes it nice and warm. So they'll eat intestines, and they're like, oh, it's like to eat the soft tissue first. That's why they'll eat organs like that first I think so they'll eat like intestines and look cuz they're like, oh these are it's easier to eat and then they're like, alright Now we'll work through the tougher stuff. Yeah, and the buffaloes just standing there But you can never tell that's the the same noise they make when they're hungry is the same noise they make when their assholes Being eaten out by a fucking predator. You have no idea what they're very hard to read. That's very hard to read. All right.

The new podcast is called Jim Norton Can't Save You. There's episodes out now. You're going to have guests that you choose to have on whenever you want. And you also have another podcast with Nicky. It's called Sword Fight. And we've just been doing it where we have We have guests come on and we most of them are comics Yeah, and I just wanted to do something with it because she makes me laugh. That's awesome. Yeah, we do it once a week and I love it

Thank you for coming in. Oh, you guys of course. My god, I wish I could. Just like the gays. Tommy, would you marry your son? Uh, yes, of course. My god. I wish I could. Tommy, would you marry your dad? Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course I would do it. Christina, would you marry your son? Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. Would you marry your dad? Yeah, of course. I live for this kind of shit.

Yeah. Yeah. Just like, just like a gaze. Just like, just like a gaze. Just like, just like a gaze. Just like, just like a gaze. Would you marry your mom? No.

Come on. I think I'd marry my dad. Okay. Christina? Yeah? Would you marry your mom. Okay. Cristina? Yeah? Would you marry your mom? I don't know. Please?

No. Would you marry your dad? Yeah. Of course. For sure. Yes. Yeah. I really would.

Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy.

Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy.