Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - The Shart Heard Round The World | Your Mom's House Ep. 761

Episode Date: May 29, 2024

SPONSORS: - Download the Doordash app and use promo code YMH24 - Get 20% Off + Free Shipping, with the code YMH at https://Manscaped.com - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM - Upgrade your wardrobe and get up to 25% OFF @trueclassic at https://trueclassictees.com/YMH Here's the deal man, we are back once again with Tommy Bunz and Chistine from Mom's House riding solo! Tom's got some dental updates that you'll be able to hear for yourself and opens the show with a clip of a very giving lover. Before Christina gets too grossed out, Tom offers her the spotlight to share a shart story for the ages. The Main Mommies next talk about a recent trip to Italy and review some of the most fattening treats for all the Disney Adults out there. Tom also receives a very kind uplifting video message about a certain body part that's sure to warm the heart. We also dive into the comments section of an IG influencer nicknamed Baby Head, watch some clips of people making huge mistakes, and discuss the topic of "adult recess". TA TA THERE! https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Your Mom’s House Ep. 761 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to one of the most important programs you're going to watch in a while. If this is your first time watching or listening, you are in for conversations that matter, that inform you, and that frankly will change the way you see the world. So thank you for joining your mom's house. I have a, I'll start with it. I mean, there's no other. Are you really gonna go into this now,

even before the opening? It's that important to you? It's that important, yeah. I'm honored that you honor me in this YMH fashion. Well, here we go. I'm just gonna say it, I'm gonna get into it. I was alone with the kids on a- No, this is not you. Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, that's a bigger deal. I've got that on my brain. Yeah, I know, I know. Oh, I'm so sorry. No, this is to address the fact that I has a lisp right now. Oh, you wanted to tell the audience what's going on. I just came from the orthodontist.

This is a dental update. And he told me that I've been too slack with my Invisalign. Slack? Yeah. So you can hear the lisp because my tongue slides against the plastic. But he was like if you don't start wearing your Invisalign, You don't start wearing them. then your teeth aren't gonna straighten out.

You're gonna straighten out. Can you just refresh the audience's memory as to why you have to do this, which is so sad. Sure. I am... I was snoring like a goddamn polar bear. And so I got fitted with a custom-made snore guard from a dentist. This is years ago. And the basic function of the snore guard that you get from the dentist is that It holds your lower jaw forward. So when you're asleep and unconscious

Typically your jaw would drop right? Ah And that closes your and all the face meat pushes on your throat meat and then it closes the air passage So the idea is you keep the jaw forward and then the air passage stays open and it's effective. What they don't tell you is that if you do it continuously for years, you are doing orthodontics on yourself. And I moved my lower jaw forward. And it wasn't until I went to the dentist here in Austin, a new dentist who was like, hey, your bite's kind of weird, huh? I've always been like this. And I was like, what are you talking about? She was like, you know how your teeth kind of meet in the middle? Always been

like that. And I was like, no, I have an overbite. And she was like, no. And so we went to the orthodontist here and they were like, oh, yeah, your bite moved. So I've been wearing these and it has changed. It's already, I'm getting my, yeah, yeah. It's corrected. It's corrected. Well, cause I remember at one point, the dentist gave you the option of shaving down your teeth

to make the bite fit better. And I'm like, let's not start shaving teeth. It's pretty cool, yeah. It is pretty cool. And it's also cool that the dentists that I saw for years Allowed me to move my jaw without saying without even giving you a heads up like hey This is gonna this potentially can and I would reorder by new ones sure and they're like here you go Here's your yeah, and you did it for like a decade more. Yeah

Yeah, and I have to thank you because it was in service of our marriage. Yeah, because the snoring was out of control. It was unbearable. I would hear you through the walls. I would go sleep on the couch and hear you rip. Well, and to be fair I was also Fedder. You were Disney adult-sized. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was like I could fit in the booth here Yeah, you're a park closer. Yeah, and a rope dropper. I wasn't a road dropper. Road droppers. They get up early. Those are go getters. Big boys don't get up early. I was a total park closer. You were, you're up late. Well,

I appreciate your sacrifice and your service. And you know, now that you have lost those LBs, you snore, but like a kitten, like if I fall asleep before you, I'm fine. But I do, I roll you over. Guess who snores quite a bit actually. I ripped last night, huh? Cause I woke up and my throat was so in pain. But I'm also in a level of cold, bro. We're different in that I don't really wake you up.

I don't show up to you. I just deal with it. You know why? A, because you're a sweet loving man and I love you. B, because I get livid with you. Remember the last few times you tried waking me up? Yeah. What did I say to you? Because I'm in a rage.

Don't fucking wake me up. I'm like, you're snoring so loud. Can I tell you, I'm so distracted. There's a red mark on your forehead. And I know what that's from. Right here. That was our son yesterday. Yeah, he hit the fuck out of me. Which one?

Which one? The younger. Yeah. Yeah. He fuck out of me. Which one? Which one? The younger. Yeah. He is off the rails. He clocked it too. Like when he did it, it was so loud and so forceful that I grabbed him and he was like, he goes, I just hit you really hard. And I go, you better not fucking do it again.

I made him apologize sincerely. And then I was like, I'll fucking punch you just so you know. I don him apologize sincerely. And then I was like, I'll fucking punch you just so you know, I don't care that you're five. I'll throw you in the river. That's what I tell him all the time. I tell him I'll bite his fingers off. I told Shaq that I was threatening to give him

a cochlear implant. Yeah, that was a fun one to undo. Yeah, he didn't think it was funny. No, so our five-year-old doesn't hear us ever. He's like, huh, what? You just repeat yourself 30 times. So Tom goes, I'm gonna give you, we're gonna get a cochlear implant.

You're gonna have it attached to your brain, a little piece of a thing in your brain and it's gonna, chip's gonna go in your ear and it terrified him so much. He's like, please don't make me get a cochlear implant. I was like, no, but then you'll hear everything because you have trouble hearing, right? And he was like,

hey, hey, hey, brain surgery. And I was like, yeah. And then he straightened right up. Yeah. They believe you. Yeah. Stupid kids. All right, we're gonna get into your thing in a minute.

Yeah, I mean, I'm just. Let's just open the show here. I'm still reeling from the trauma. Let's start the show. Here we go. Here we go. As I lift up her skirt and start licking it slowly. I'm gonna throw up already, dude.

And then I give her kisses over and over again. I knew you fucking, I knew it. And then I get harder than anything else and then I go at it slowly and gently. I hate you so much. Why do you do this? Don't bring anyone loving to this. No mom in the fucking state!

Welcome to your mom's house. Hate you. Fucking asshole. Christina Pujic. Christina Pujic. Welcome to your mom's house. Oh my god. I have to tell you something. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Bootsy cats and bootsy cats.

I can't throw them in. I still, I have to learn this. Ta, ta, ta, ta, ta. Ugh. Are you happy now, you fucking derelict? What is this? Why do you love the over sexed creepy guy? What about this gives you the doesn't know he has another video here here check it out for your females out there

Look I don't want to oh Really cool, thank you for showing me I'm gonna do that for the female we got it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's nice slowly slightly and gently Yeah, it's nice slowly slightly and gently Why do you make why does it make you laugh though, I don't understand why you laugh at it because it's cool Well, what tickles you so I like inappropriate Stuff I like when a guy's inner thoughts that you know not to say come out. He lets it rip. I like that it affects people. That's cool.

Yeah, I like watching people go, ah. Especially women for a guy who's like, I wanna fuckin' lick your pussy. Ah. I love it. I can see your rubber bands. I know. So I. It's gonna get harder than anything else. Okay, I'm gonna fuckin rubber bands. I know. May I? So I.

Okay, I'm going to fucking stop. Okay. So randomly, Jordan Peterson came to comedy mothership this last week and we got to hang out with him in the green room like Duncan and I were talking and with him and and I was like, why is it Jordan Peterson? Because you're smart that all the serial killers and men, why does it always have to go sexual? Like, why can't they just beat?

Why does it always go like rape and beat and torture? And he's like, I'm going to do his accent. Because everything is sexual with men. Everything. And I was like, oh, yeah, like everything is sexual. And I feel like Dr. Drew has said that to us before too, and many different, but yeah, it all gets filtered through your peener. Yeah, it does, it dictates a lot.

Yeah. And when you get rejected sexually, that will inform the type of violence too, yeah? Yeah, I mean, every one of those crazy violent guys has rejection, abuse, neglect, all involved in their reforming. It starts with mom probably being abusive, and then they get rejected sexually from women,

and then they kidnap you. And they get shamed, and then they get abused, and then they're like, now I'm gonna go hurt people. Yeah. Yeah. And then that's your nightly programming, and that's what you love to watch. Yeah. As I'm gonna go hurt people. Yeah, and then that's your that's your nightly programming That's what you love to watch As I fall asleep next to you. Yeah, it's true. It's true Yeah, it's really cool. Yeah

Let's get into it This happened no, hold on I was a little I was alone with Julian, our youngest. And we had a housekeeper in the house too at the time. Okay, so that lady's cleaning and I'm in the pantry with our boy. And let's just say, you know, I'm on the Ozempies and I also have menopausal stuff, so I have a hard time browning. So I'll take stool softeners. Sometimes I mix them with like a little dose of laxative

just to like spice it up to me to see what happens. And I was in the pantry and I went to fart. And I shart. Wow. Now what was different about this chart is that it was like a wall of mushy diarrhea. Like where I was like, oof, like I had to clench to stop the flow. It wasn't for me in the past. This chart has been like a blast of fart and then like a pelt.

I don't know if that's the right word, like a little smattering of caca. This one was like, wow, this like a little smattering of caca. This one was like, wow, this is a fire hose. This is shit. Shit just coming out, dude, like liquid shit. And then I sat down in the toilet and I was like, Julian, cause you know, he never leaves my side. And I'm like, get in here, close the door.

Like there's someone in this house right now. Like I don't want her to see me shitting. Yeah, it's uncomfortable. Yeah. And he, you know, kids are, they can't close the door. Like he's coming in and then he's like, I have to go poo poo too now. And I'm like, god damn it.

So he leaves the door open. And you have the music playing and the, Yeah, the spray paint. And my dad being like, I gotta tell you about a shit I took one time. Totally. Yeah. And he leaves the door open as I'm diarrhea-ing

and any minute the housekeeper is gonna walk by. Yeah. Very precarious as every person of his kids knows, you just shit with the door open. Anyway, I had to throw away my underwear. And so our five year old watched me wrap that up in like tissue and then I put it in the waste basket and then yeah. But you know how it lingers with you? Cause I mean, shards by nature are always a surprise. Yeah. I was surprised when you told me the whole story.

I mean, this is the second time I'm hearing it. It's fucking fascinating the second time. It's fucking cool, man. When's the last time you sharded? Do you remember? I can't remember. I said, I'm due. You told me the story.

I was like, I'm due one. I haven't done it in a while. Yeah, like your period. When you can't remember your last shard, you know you're due. Yeah. That's so true. I feel like once a year, is that an average for sharts?

I think I'm less than once a year. I'm probably every few years. But maybe it'll increase soon. I definitely think age has been a factor. Once you get older, older, it really ups itself. Yeah, I can't wait for the People article to come out and be like, Christina P, the comedian, has lost total bowel control due to ozepic. Yeah.

Is that the headline? Could be. I have no bowel control now. I know that Burt is having a lot of digestive problems. Is he? Yeah. Why? What's going on?

I don't know. I know that he's got, I think he's having some intestines removed. What? Yeah. Are you being serious? Yeah. What does he have? Well, I don't know. He's got a lot of health issues.

I mean, he's got nerve issues. He's got liver problems, kidney problems. He's got heart problems. He had like some neurological stuff done and now he's got some digestive problems too. Yeah. Oh no. Bart. He's all right.

He's seeing the best people. Yeah, he's fine. He'll be fine. Do you wanna see the guy stick his tongue out again? No, not really. Now I'm sad again. Why do you do this? I was having fun reminiscing about my shard now this.

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issuance. See dkng.co slash bball for eligibility, wagering, and deposit restrictions, terms, and responsible gaming resources. Um, we went to Rome. We did. Not long ago, about a month or so ago. Yep. You know, it's a lot of old shit. If you like old shit, it's a place to go. It's only old shit. Well, I'll tell you this though. We brought our American brains into Italy.

And I think we have some pretty good ideas for how they could, you know, kind of change things up in Rome. One of the things you'll notice about Rome and all these historical places that are super old is that there's no branding. There's no corporate branding on anything. And it's a huge missed opportunity to bring in revenue. Like even millions on the table. Probably billions. I mean, with the amount of tourists that go there,

like for instance You see the Coliseum There's no lettering that says Coliseum sure how am I supposed to know what that is you just drive by it and Thought that may be a really good idea would be you know, you call it like the FedEx Coliseum, right? so now you have the branding on top that says FedEx and people go, oh, look at this, the FedEx Coliseum. I love that. Then you go into the Coliseum, you see all the old shit, but then there's a FedEx store.

Even better. Right inside so you could bring packages and you could mail stuff out of the Coliseum. That's even cooler. And imagine that being the address that you sent someone Hey, where's this come from? It came from the FedEx Coliseum. Yeah, and you go into the Coliseum. There's no hot dog stands There's no Starbucks. There's no Starbucks. It's a big place. You've seen how big that place is Pantheon the fucking Doritos Pantheon Why not? Why not the Pringles Vatican City? Perfect. Perfect. So much money on the table. So much money

They're losing naming rights to this shit. Yeah, that's what I love about LA is the what is it that you're doing? That what's the venue you're doing? The Kia forum. I love it. I love knowing that it Kia owns the floor I didn't even realize that the Staples Center is now crypto arena. Perfect Yeah, that kind of shit is cool. It is cool. And I think that the Staples Center is now Crypto Arena. Perfect. Yeah, that kind of shit is cool. It is cool. And I think that if Itley kind of came to their senses, they would start doing shit like that too.

I was really bummed out not to see corporate names on shit for a few days. Me too, cause how am I supposed to remember what to eat or what to like if no one's telling me and bombarding me constantly with ads. So anyways, you're really missing the fucking boat there, bit.ly, on that stuff. Also, hold on, what I really loved when I was in Las Vegas

last time with the Porosos team is I saw, what's that hotel that's like that, the pyramid? Oh, the Luxor. The Luxor, yeah. And really great idea is they wrapped the Luxor in a Doritos ad Yeah, so it's really neat if you're a patron you're staying there you look out your window revenue Revenue revenue, that's what they're thinking and then you're looking at the Coliseum. You're like no revenue. No revenue fucking stupid fucking dumb

Yeah, you guys are really fucking up. They barely sell tchotchkes turn it on it Lee Well, not only that, like, yeah, there's only Italian food in Rome. That was pretty interesting too. Literally, only. There is no Chinese place. There's no Chinese food, nothing. You're in Italy, you wanna eat Italian food?

Italy. But again, it's like, what a great opportunity to introduce Domino's Pizza. There's no Domino's. There's no Domino's. There's no Pizza Hut, and there's no Little Caesars, and there's no Papa John's. No. How about Little Caesars, and there's no Papa John's. No.

How about Little Caesars where Caesar used to fucking hang out? Oh my God. That's so cool. Dude. You fucking nailed it. That's so smart. Little Caesars original location. Yup.

Yeah, that's a great way. Pizza, pizza. Yeah. They didn't offer any garlic sauce. It's fucking stupid. There was no ranch anywhere. I'll tell you this too about Italy. If you think black people are loud, you have to be around Italians.

They fucking are other level. I'm pulling the doors, I'm like, all day you're like, Jesus Christ, man. We were at a restaurant, remember? The kids, I was like, in my back in fucking public school in Milwaukee, it was like, if I go, la la la la la la, get in here, like, God damn, like so loud. I was like in my back in fucking public school in Milwaukee. It was like

Like god damn like so loud remember we were eating our pizza and drinking our spritzers Yeah, and there was a woman just with the flip phone open. She's like Barking Okay, all right, yeah so goddamn loud kids, all right. Yeah, so goddamn loud. The kids in the park. Yeah, yeah. We actually saw a kid yell, fa fangulo to the girls. To the girls, yeah.

They called him ugly. Yeah, they made donkey sounds. Up your fucking ass. Yeah, yeah. That was dope. I do love the Itliens. They're just great. They're so fucking fun, man.

So much fun. And we tell a story about the hotel and the AC. Oh, that was cool. That was fucking so rad. We We stayed in a nice hotel, I mean come on So we were in the nice hotel and it's at night, you know, like to sleep with the AC on of course There's the thermostat and And I start lowering it. I'm like, man, it's still kind of warm in here. And then you're like, no, I'm fine. But then like an hour later, you're like, I'm warm. I'm like, I know, I fucking.

So then I lower it to the absolute minimum, which is 63. And I get my fucking things in. 63 degrees. And I'm like, I know my fucking things in. 63 degrees. And I'm like, I know what that feels like. I'm like, it ain't 63 in here. No, sweltering. So whatever, we just deal with it. We sleep the next day.

We just can't figure out the button pushies. No, but the button. There's gotta be a way. It says off. We just can't do it. I hit it and I'm like, now it's off. So I turn it back on. I'm like, it says 63, it's clearly not running, but whatever, it's late and we just go to sleep.

The next day I see the cleaning staff and I'm like, hey, is there a trick to this? I go, I'm showing them the thermostat, I'm like, is there a secret to make this work? And the guy's like, ah, you have to call the front desk. What? What do you mean? He's like, you have to call the front desk. What? What do you mean? He's like, you have to tell them

and then they will turn it on for you. Just happy. Yeah, just happy. And so, like fuck. Like what? And he calls and then they're like, then you feel like now it's on. You want the AC on?

Yeah. It is, I'd have to tell you, even communist Hungary wasn't that bad. You could stay in a hotel and immediately post communist Hungary and have AC without having to call down. Even in the stands, I've been to Kyrgyzstan, I had air conditioning without having to call down.

That was a little flavor. Now I will say this. Have you had better meals consistently anywhere? Listen, of the three bites of each meal I could take, divine. It was amazing. I ate past the Ozempi every single meal. It was amazing. It was astounding.

Everything was awesome. Everything was awesome. Everything. Yeah, we had pizza, pasta, fish. It was all. It was so good. It was all incredible. The drinks.

Now, one thing I love about the Italians, we met this Italian woman and we were talking about how she and I both have sons. Yeah. And then she's showing me pictures of her son and she pulls up a shirtless picture. She pulled up a picture of him in a bathing suit and she was like, look at his chest. Look how strong he is getting. You

can see the definition in his chest. I was sitting there like, what the fuck? He looks good. And she's like, he's a look how muscular he's getting. His chest is nice. You're like, yeah, I saw you go. Yes. Yeah. I can't even look at it. Look, look, look. This is all the swimming. It makes the muscles come out. He's got a nice penis. He will be a fucking, many, many women. He's on the side, come aside. Yeah, and you know what's crazy about Italy

is that everybody is named either Giuseppe or Bruno. We met like five Giuseppes and five Brunos, 70 Brunos. Everybody, Giuseppe and Bruno. And then one, oh, one, so I've been doing my I-Town, my toilet Italian for a few years. And I got, you got to hear me. You did, you ordered so well. I ordered an Italian, it was fun.

And so sometimes, here's the thing, Rome is such a big tourist trap. I mean, there's just so many, there's five million plus tourists a year. Everybody speaks English, everybody. You don't, I mean, you can, they speak varying degrees of English, but it was really hard to practice because as soon as you fuck up,

the person would be like, I'll just speak English, which is obviously, it's nice if you're a tourist, somebody can help you speak your language. But one day we get picked up by a driver and we're going to dinner and he's speaking, you know, Nice if you're a tourist, somebody can help you speak your language. But one day we get picked up by a driver and we're going to dinner and he's speaking, okay, English.

And he's obviously speaking, he calls the restaurant for us because we're late and he speaks perfect, he's Italian, right? I tell him I wanna practice. So he's practicing Italian with me. And then he waits for us at dinner, or he picks us up after dinner. And on the way back, he's telling us, you know,

this and that in Italian and in English. And then we're like, yeah, this restaurant was really great. And he's like, yes, it's good. This is similar one in another neighborhood. This neighborhood, you know, it's okay because, you know, there are some Jews here. And we were like, what? And then right away we're like,

that's kind of a strange comment to make, right? Well, cause when somebody mentions they know where the Jews are. Yeah, it's unprompted and we're like that's kind of a strange comment to make because when somebody mentions they know where the Jews are Yeah, it's unprompted and like this isn't normal. Especially the Italians don't yeah No, no other Italian has said that so we're like, huh, and then we're like so like where are you from? What's it are you from you smell something different? Yeah, something's different here you from Rome and he's like not originally and we're like Where are you from Rome? You smell something different here. Yeah, something's different here. Are you from Rome? And he's like, not originally. And we're like, where are you from originally? Hungary, my tribe. Immediately I was like, I fucking knew it.

I knew this guy. He's talking about Jews and this and that. I'm like, I know he's my... I will drive a little faster and now we are out of the Jewish neighborhood. And we're like, yeah, that kind of adds up. God damn it, I know. I knew it, I fucking knew that guy.

I could sense it, his hatred of the Jews. It was cool. But there are too many Jews in Austin now, right babe? Right, it's really getting to their Zolo, somebody else. There's one guy in Austin who's Jewish and he's got a hamburger stand, that's it. Oh, got you Jew boy, yeah. Well I wanted to order a tuna melt today

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Okay. That might make you feel better. Okay. Should I play it? Yeah, go for it. All right. Here we go. Hey Tom.

This is from another guy with a big nose. That's me. I hope you can get past this big nose business. The bigger your nose is, the easier it is for you to breathe. Look at it that way. It's an advantage, not a disadvantage. So, you're a good looking guy with a with a with a nose that fits you. God don't give you a nose that you can't use. So, there it is. Deal with it and don't try to look like something you ain't.

That's right. So you got the nose God gave you. Use it. You're still working and power to you. John Amos, unbelievable. Legendary actor. Thank you, John Amos. The MacDowell's. He's the MacDowell's owner. He is. He's fucking incredible. This guy's the best. He's great. Wow, that is really cool. Look at you.

And I do feel better about my enormous nose now. Thank you. And your adult braces. My braces are actually, I need a second pep talk for that one. You can see why I avoid them all the time. It's a mouthful. No, no. There's so many.

Because the thing of it, your tongue flies on them. But thank you, John Amos. Thank you, John. There's so many. Because the thing of it, your tongue flies on them. But thank you, John Amos. Thank you, John. That was so cool. The two of us with our matching noses will persevere. He looks great. He's lost some weight. Has he?

Oh, yeah. He was a lot rounder in Coming to America. You're talking about a movie 40 years ago? Yeah. Maybe he's on the Ozempis too. Okay. All right. What? Some people stay fat their whole lives. I mean he wasn't that big in that. No. No. He looks great though. You're crazy. Yeah. I thought. Here let me um I'm gonna pull up this

other thing that's pretty cool. Oh yeah I thought you would like this. This is pretty cool Hi everyone. I am now doing the what to eat before during after your workout for blood type AB It is kind of similar to a but just a little bit different. So first thing in the morning Because you started lifting recently too. Yeah, this is good information. I would have six eggs Yeah, hooked in about a tablespoon of coconut oil. Sure. And then right before you work out, take in two tablespoons of liquid aminos. How do I get my tits to look like that?

And make sure you drink about a quarter gallon of water during your workout. And then immediately after your workout, as Soon as you're walking out the door, you want to make sure that you get in two more tablespoons of liquid aminos with about three fourths of a cup of berries, pretty much any berries. That's what I eat in a week. That's pretty cool. I mean, babe, how are you even, how are you getting past those boobs?

The boobs are cool. I like them. Yeah. I like that a lot. I like her tits. Look at those traps. Sorry, I like your tits. Slowly, slowly.

She doesn't even have to wear a bra. She doesn't have to wear a bra or anything. Yeah, I know. It's so crazy when women get this muscular, they look like beef jerky. Like their body looks like pieces of beef jerky. Yeah. I know. I know.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know, I know. It's so crazy when women get this muscular, they look like beef jerky. Like their body looks like pieces of beef jerky. Well, she's super jacked. They always get tan too. You can't just, you can't be. And they have so little fat,

that's why you have to get the implants because they have no body fat left. I kind of feel like in this case, just go without that does, you know what I mean? You think so? Yeah, she don show me titties. The titties are fucking me up. Honestly, the rest of it, like if I can just, yeah.

Like I feel like that's better. Just put your hand up and cover the tits. I don't know, I'm a fan. Keep the tits. Keep them. This is really cool. Is this what I'm gonna look like if I keep weightlifting? Yeah.

If you stick to the plan, yeah. Yeah, keep the program going, sure. Or you know what, you gonna look like if I keep weightlifting. Yeah. If you stick to the plan. Yeah. Yeah, keep the program going, sure. Or you know what, you might look like something, it depends on what direction you want to go in, you know? I'm a flaming hot pig. You can do that. Yeah. I bet you nobody knew that the pig can be flaming hot.

I'm a hot, hot-blooded pig. Got it. Check it and see I got a fever burning inside of me cuz I'm hot mama. Check it and see I got a fever burning inside of me. Check it and see. Got my little hot socks on but you can't see them in my little hot earrings. So I'm flamin' hot, baby. Got it. Very cool. Um. Her life is chaos. You think so?

Look at the area behind her. Looks fine. Mess. I know, everything looks good. I feel like I'd rather be the weightlifter lady, cause her life is in order. It's a lot of order. It's in order.

And it's disciplined, yeah. Disciplined. This is too much chaos. You think so? Well, if we're apart when we're tidy That'll be a different story, but do you think she's a rope dropper or a park? She's a park closer. She would definitely She don't wake up at 5 a.m.. To get in a Disney the the bodybuilder is a rope dropper first for sure But this is a park closer. Yeah, yeah

It's funny how everybody kind of fits into one of the two you know that's so true. I'm is a park closer. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny how everybody kind of fits into one of the two, you know? That's so true. I never thought of it. I'm definitely a park closer baby. Yeah. You know? But I don't mind if you're a rope dropper.

I don't mind. I don't think you, a park closer can be with a rope dropper. Those are two different personalities of Disney adults. You can't, you cannot. They're incompatible, Tom. One's a morning person, one's a nighttime. Don't tell me that. Don't tell me that. I still want to have options. But sure, wait, what was the treat cannot. They're incompatible, Tom. When's a morning person, when's a nighttime. I still want to have options.

Wait, what was the treat that you could buy? That was 1300 calories. The Snooki cookie. Can we look up some stupid treats? What other stupid shit do they have? You could buy a dietary nightmare 15 desserts that's cool Tudors I love Hot they gotta be hot piping hot. Yeah, as soon as they cool down their dog shit. Yeah, it's cuz the grease Oh Mickey be nice fucking love be niceets. Of course.

The Matterhorn Macaroon. Why is it the mat? Is it shaped like a cock? Is that what it is? Um, excuse me? What? It looks like it's a big dick and balls. No one's seeing that but you right now. God. What? Doesn't it look like a dick? Yeah, see, any sees it. No, I'm seeing it. See? I don't wanna see it, but you see it. That's because the two of you think about dicks all day. It's got to be, man. Scroll down. You gotta hit me like that, man.

I don't see, I notice that they're putting, they're putting no caloric information, no nutrition information. They're just like, try this stuff. The gray stuff. Gatot. What is the gray stuff? That's weird It's a booty and the beast themed booty and the raspberry jam filled and velvet cake gets a thick coating of whipped cookies and cream mousse

Aka the gray stuff all served on a buttery lemon shortbread cookie. Holy fucking shit The bodybuilder will not recommend eating Vincen mineral mousse. Oh, that looks terrible. That looks stupid. Ugh. Raspberry rose Mickey macaroons. I don't like raspberry desserts.

I don't like macaroons. Can I tell you? Churro toffee. Yeah, I'll do that. I'll try that out. Yeah, I don't like when they- Disneyland churros are so popular among the Parks food fans that they get not one, but two mentions on this list. Whenever you need a sugary pick me up,

simply pop into any confectionary shop and grab a sinfully sweet sweet square of churro toffee. A sinfully sweet square. Don't make fun of my lip. Salt and straw ice cream. That sounds good. It does. But I want to see the nasty sh-

Jack Jack Cookie Num Num. I'm a grown man. Can I get a Jack Jack Cookie Num Num? Cosmic Cream Orphan. Oh, this looks terrible. Yeah, sounds like somebody cream pie'd in someone's asshole. Hold on. Sola, what is in this garbage?

Once you've braved Guardians of the Galaxy mission breakout, okay, I grow up, you're probably gonna need a little sustenance, just steps from the, okay. What, finally where's, okay. Charcoal colored cream puffs are generously stuffed with whipped raspberry cheesecake dyed a stunning shade of purple. You know what that means that you're gonna shit purple too. You are and you're gonna forget what you ate and be like, I have a digestive illness.

This is disgusting. Yeah. Next. Gross. Should I go smash candy bar? I don't know. That looks, too. Oh, here we go Now you're talking about needing a chair instead of a booth. Yeah And jump chairs here

Can't get the funnel cake fries This is a part closer This is a part closer diet. That's big old fucking fatty meal right there There's so many fatso's at Disney on their scoot the scoot scoots so many do they're all eating this they put the funnel cake On the front in the back the basket and then they These funnel cake fries weren't made right. There's a little soft You send them back. I'm sorry. I will say though. Those are delicious the funnel cake fries. Yeah. Yeah god damn Yeah, when they're fresh. Okay. Here we go. See, can I tell you Japanese style fluffy cheesecake? I would guess by the international clientele they have they should have more things for Asian people

Right for European travelers sure I'm surprised. They don't have more Asian treats Darth I'm surprised they don't have more Asian treats. Darth. By chocolate parfait. Darth by chocolate parfait, get it? I get it. God, that's terrible. Look how disgusting. There's a little lightsaber hanging out of there.

What's in this nightmare? So many treats at Disneyland. Oh boy. Shmoosies, milkshakes. What the fuck? I mean, it's like, does this list end? Jesus Christ. You know what happens after you eat all that, right?

Do you know what happens? You shart in your pantry. All right, now I'm in the bathroom. I'm done up at Walmart. Taking a dump. Oh yeah. Oh. Oh I see that I can't. Did you add the music or did he? Did we add it?

We didn't add it. I think it's a re-upload. This guy has like a big cult following. Taking dumps and building shit. Clearly. Exactly. Yeah. So people like will re-upload. I'm in the bathroom at the Lava Walmart. Taking a dump. Oh yeah.

Oh man. That's what mine sounded like after I started it. That's not a normal dump though, right? No, that's not a healthy dump at all. If you ate a fucking Darth by fucking Vader or whatever. Yeah. That's a funnel cake fries purple parfait. Oh, that's a funnel cake fries shit. I've had them.

I'm not going to act like I haven't had them. You know when that's coming, you're like, ooh. Yeah. You know what I do like at Disneyland though? I mean, I don't have any more of those lemon slushies. Yeah. Those crush when it's hot as shit out. Yeah.

Just a simple lemon slush. Sugar for me, it's the most immediate way to be like this on a toilet. Yeah, for, yeah. I know right away. I mean, I avoid so much of it now. Like I rarely indulge in something crazy because I know right away. I mean I avoid so much of it now like I I rarely indulge in something crazy Cuz I know what's gonna happen. I just go like I want to shit a lot soon

Just if I don't want to like I'm just not gonna have that that's smart. Yeah, you know, I just know yeah You know what I figured out after millions of years to red pepper immediately. Yeah peppers that to me, too I stopped eating a lot of pepper. Yeah What's the thing I have to tell you this? All right, buddy. Let's see if I can find it, yeah. I hear it well. We're gonna go take a dump.

I have to shit. We'll be back in a little bit to talk about it. I just have to pee, but you go take a shit. I have to shit. This is perfect. Wow, how did you know? I didn't, I just had to pee. Synergy.

Well, my pee was awesome. Yeah, my dump didn't happen. It's gonna happen. But it's not ready and I think I feel pressure. You know, so I just, I gotta, I'll just show you what I go through, but I gotta take these out. It's just, I just wanna show people how cool it is.

This is what you have to do every time you need. All right, I'm gonna take that out. And then that one out. Like that. And then you're gonna. Yeah. It's like. Like that. Oh my God, the spit strand was horrendous.

This is like when I was 15, I had retainers. Yeah, I remember doing this shit. Now I feel like I can actually be myself. Yeah, you've got spittle in your beard. That's fine. Chicks dick. Lower. Ugh. Yeah. Do've got spittle in your beard. That's fine lower Do you clean that how often do you change? No, no, no, no, no, you don't clean them. You never clean them That's what they tell you

Dude my retainer. I remember so filthy had it for years through college. You got some spittle right here, bro What's that all about other side? Oh Yeah, that's cuz I was sucking dicks in the bathroom. So Josh Zollo brought up so we were walking back and I was like, I just, I can't get over this rope dropper part closer. I've been laughing at it for weeks. It's so fucking dumb. And I was like, cause Josh has a girlfriend he adores. And I was like, what if your girl suddenly turned into a Disney adult?

Could you handle it? And you brought up a really good point, Josh. I mean, I just think it's way worse for men that are into it. A girl being a little into Disney, it's like, okay. Right, princess shit or whatever. Yeah, whatever. I mean, I feel like most girls enjoy Disneyland

to some extent. Sure. Now, if it became her whole life, that'd be one thing. But I really do think it's inexcusable for a man to really love Disneyland. Well, which is why we have a new series of merch we are launching for rope droppers and park closers. Go ahead and decide which you are. Are you a rope dropper or a park closer? You could check out these new designs and a rope dropper or a park closer, you can check out these new designs and check them out in our store store.yhmhstudios.com. Is that what it is? Right? Yep. Check it out. Pick your team. Are you a rope dropper or are you a park closer? Very telling. Yeah, but see interestingly enough, the only reason the guy is in a Disney is to meet chicks, right? Yeah. There's no way unless he's severely mentally stunted.

Well, there's a few of those too. I mean, let's not act like that doesn't exist. One of my favorite things that we've discovered or spent time doing in this show over the last several months is finding videos that have amazing comments. And there's another person that has been identified that I'll show you a video and then we can dive into the comments because they're pretty fucking cool.

Reese's Pots, Reese's Pots, throw them out, throw them out, throw them out. It's got sugar, corn syrup, caramel coloring. All right, so this is- I know where the comments are going already. This is Lexi Noel. She is a health and wellness influencer who owns an online bakery called Divine Eats,

which specializes in keto, paleo, sugar-free, dairy-free, grain-free, and gluten-free treats. She's trying to steer everyone clear of Reese's Puffs because they are filled with harmful ingredients that cause cancer heart attacks and strokes and so so that says anyways that's her post about it and then you go into the comments and it says someone lost their toddler on aisle nine uh because of her uh appearance i guess she has sort of a youthful she's got a puffy cute little face. Yeah. Yeah

That had 40 000 likes 40 000 likes Uh, any you can go ahead and read this one says pick that back up baby head nigga. I love baby head nigga, man Baby head niggas is shit I've never seen breast tissue go to the head. Wow. Jesus I've never seen breast tissue go to the head. Wow Bro skipped face day again. God face day Go ahead any Hairy arm baby niggas

Interesting that they went the n-word. Oh, that's in all these now. Oh, yeah, that's like that's Instagram now. Yeah Instagram comments basically just a word. Yeah hate for the entire fitness community Hell does she 13 or 33? Yeah, she's got a really interesting i'm not taking nutrition advice from a malnourished child Wow, shut up 1 000 likes Just shut up. Yeah, there's um, have you seen that there's this like really well dressed black kid like in a suit? In the library? Well he's, I've just seen him like his family makes the clothes and he's tall as hell right? No, I don't know. I mean no this kid is just like, he's just like in a suit and he'll show different suits like you know well tailored clothes the comments are

Insanity. Oh wait the little the little kid. Yeah, he's like a young kid Sometimes his dad will appear in it. The funny thing is the comics are all are comments are all like this but then the dad is I think smart in that he'll respond like thumbs up to stuff like they'll say I can't even say what they say, but It's all end bond. It's well, well it's like, it's like a spin on it. It's like sir, it'll say sir. Sir, Sir Nigowitz or something. Yeah, shit like that.

It's fucking crazy. It's fucking crazy. And he's like 13 or something. Yes, yes, yes, you know what I'm talking about. And then I'll have, also it'll have like 40,000 likes like a comment like that mm-hmm yeah so that has become Instagram is just n-bomb city now for everything yeah I mean anytime I see a video on Instagram with a black person in it I'm like I wonder what the spin on the end was gonna be on this yeah yeah it's always ending in a though like for the comments yeah

yeah yeah no no no it's like what's up yeah yeah it's up tall ass man yeah and I wish I wish I could give him I wish I could be mad at it but it's honestly the funniest shit like funny stuff bro like the Instagram fucking feed sometimes will give me just like a picture of something random It'd be like a fucking picture of Buzz Lightyear and in the bottom big text. It just says nigga I want it's like I it's so fucking stupid that doesn't make any sense. I know but it actually laughs I laughing Yeah, see if you can help him find that kid see if you can this is one. Oh you found him Yeah, he found him yeah yeah it's this kid

aww he looks awesome let's pick lapel one button and it also has two flat pockets he's adorable the different components of a click click the profile or yeah that and but this is tiktok so they're gonna be nice on here. Let me pull it up on Instagram Yeah, pull them up on Instagram. Yeah, it's totally different Oh, that's not cool to do to a child though Well, I know but it's not that It's just Instagram

It's Instagram. That's just what it is Such a garbage dump If you put something on Instagram, you should be ready for that I know, it feels like a dump Scroll, scroll. I'll tell you where to go. Keep going. Yeah, it's like, it is hilarious,

but I'm definitely calling. It's like, like, okay, no. I'll tell you. Go to like, yeah, like that one right there. That one right there that one right there yeah bros 20,000 fabrics to choose from come see us today and let us create your masterpiece this is dais and mofor director of fashion from don murphy okay okay okay i like this one says this one is educated. Okay, scroll down. Oh, Jesus.

Yeah. Okay, look, he... I ain't gonna say that shit. Oh, that, see the Sir, the Sir Lord one? That's what this, I keep seeing in here. You ain't gonna say that one either. No? Bro, Nick, look at it. How would I pronounce that?

Try. say that one neither no look at it look at it how would I pronounce that try the seventh Duke oh my god done that's you know wait and man you well and nigga the third yes on a man you well the nigga the third? Is that what you said? John Emanuella nigga the third. That one's crazy. Yeah, so that is Instagram now. Are these white people saying this stuff? A lot of it's- I think majority, I think some are not. Some are not, but some definitely. Some are, but some are not.

Decent hidden accounts. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah, like it is hilarious, but I have considered like, how is Meta not doing shit about this? It's kind of crazy. Like this is every comment section with a black dude on it. There's nothing, no one cares. But like if you go to the replies on some of these, you'll see that the account replies

like a fist up or like thank you. I guess they're, he's doing, right there. Just roll back up. Mm-hmm. Yeah They're doing he's doing that because I think kind of like with Caitlin did This the guy running this realizes that he is like fostering engagement Yeah, you count popular basically right because how many followers does this account close that how many times it? Yeah, it's got 315,000 and that's Instagram. So that means you probably got like yeah point something on tik-tok. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, but you're saying that to a kid yeah, that's not cool dude

Even I draw a line when I'm on tech talk and I see kids doing dumb shit I don't repost that on my Instagram because I'm like, ah, they're teenagers. Unless they're golf teens and then I will support them. You support the teens, yeah. I actually don't like, as much as I love watching somebody fall and hurt themselves, I don't like watching kids get hurt. Yeah.

Do you have the ones that, did I send you? Do you have any of those in here? I have them there, but I think I know the one you're talking about. You do? Is it the flying one? Yeah, I think so. Oh man.

This is like my new favorite clip. Okay. This is so fucking cool. This clip, I watched many times. This is so fucking cool. This clip... I watched many times. I love those. And they keep giving and giving and giving. Yeah.

Yeah, um, ouch. Say one of these guys that made his own contraption to... Oh no. He's like, check this out, and he's flying in his own man-made... Oh Jesus Contra is it is it there? Yeah Yeah, look at this paramotor pilot suddenly falls. Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely unmute

He's like check it out Oh shit. Gosh. Let's do it. 28 miles per hour, come on. 48 miles an hour. And it just. He broke his pelvis, back, neck, crushed an arm, but he's okay. He's doing all right The audio is so perfect it could be scripted but also this is like a great advertisement for Apple For sure

You can have all that happen have your phone next you'd be like Siri, Siri, oh shit, my fucking phone's gonna do it right now. That's true. Like, that's incredible. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, why did you think that was gonna hit? That was not good. You didn't like that?

Well no, yeah, that was. The scream was amazing though. I laughed because it was, the guys was hearted. Make sure you ripped that for me, I need that drop. I need that scream. You know what, there's one that I've been watching forever where this woman's like,

name something I wear that you've most pronounced and that lives on your head forever. And this guy is like, man's laughter. Man's laughter. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes 15 to 20 years for laughing. Man's laughter. I could totally see myself doing that one.

That's a definitely Pazriski. Yeah, I'm like, oh dude. There's this thing that we discovered a while ago, which is that chicks were disguising, basically flaunting themselves as that they were into yoga and they were showing their pussy lips You know So what they would do is like check out this I've seen those on ticked on this yoga pose and you're like this isn't about yoga

It was just show their snatches. Yeah, and I think there was they were probably just doing it until their account got taken down Sure, because it was just you know, it was filled with them in these crazy poses and it was always the uh, The shorts were like inside of their oh, i'm not i'm saying i'm sure you hated it, right? It was gross You just kept looking and looking and looking. I actually i'm the one that Contacted instagram like you take this down. I was the one that did that um But so we found a new like lane of hey, how can I get away with doing this? pornography, Which is uh it's uh

under the guise of this is for stretching like check this out. Oh my god yeah. He's like I'm just helping you out. Yeah nobody. Right here. All right, right there. Yeah It would feel nice though. Yeah, sure my hips get so tight Can you pull up his uh his account because he seems cool. Yeah shit You don't see him doing that to like an 80 year old babushka. No, she's like 20 Yeah, she's they're always very cool tats and shit. She doesn't need to be stretched like that. Yeah, she's like, oh my hips are She's too young to have tight hips. That's in your middle age Yeah, yeah that seems like stretching yeah, just all about she's up

Tight in on the tits on the face for stretching. That's a that's a young Russian face Yeah Yeah, Nice whisper voice. Yep. What's he doing there? Is he helping that girl in the middle there? Oh, look at her shorts. Do they, is that how? It's called unique stretching poses. There's a a towel on there's a towel go one up right there it's like You could just put clothes right you could wear like workout leggings that they're called right like a face cloth like workout leggings that they're called right like a face cloth is what it's on this right one here there's not even unique back massage then the person writes it's back massage why is underwear removed so this is a this is a lane this is a pretty cool lane how far down does his like how many does he have like wait

What's what's the chocolate rub? Is that a? Sitting on someone's face. It looks like it scrolls cool down to the bottom. You didn't know about that Her own that's her own her own but his face is in her asshole Hell yeah, dude Now is he advertising to go somewhere? Cuz like these are just videos. Is it like come to my place? Apparently it's just him and this girl. I don't think there's any real call to action Check us out. But this has got to be Elaine that's yeah explode. like it's not just him. There's gotta be people There's always loopholes like that guy that you know fingers his own butt on YouTube and it's educational wait

Show me the chocolate rubs that cannot be medicinal. How's he gonna sell that one? What why would you what possible chocolate massage? It's good for you. It's good for your skin This is the kinks the kink community now Oh, it's the ASMR. That's what it is. Yeah, but why? Yeah, fuck yeah, dude Just helping people out So here's the deal, man. Imagine being that girl. This is the tough part too, because you're 20, you're broke.

It's like in our day, you could do soft core pornography and that kind of disappears. This is forever. She's always going to be on there. Yeah, she'll be there for a long time. It sucks. The other one that like, cause I got into chiropractic videos for a while. No, I know, I know. And they're fucking awesome.

I think they're so just like satisfying to watch. But there's like, there's a couple where the dude, it's dude chiropractors and they only adjust hot chicks. That's the only one. This guy's one of them. Yeah, this guy is one of them. He's just handsome. He only adjusts super hot chicks.

Gotta get them views, view counts. He's like, hey, I'm just, you know. Yeah, none of these chicks need, oh. Hands in her mouth. Oh wow. Fuck yeah, dude. What is that, the fish hook? Yeah, he has, I'm pretty sure he probably has an IG too, right? The tension in her body. He's just like i'm here too. I just i'm adjusting people

Jesus christ Cervical pain. Yeah, like so like she's 20. No guys get in get their adjustments. No or fat people orive dudes. There's nobody unattractive getting adjustments here? Well, the thing is that they mean my app. Oh my God, a man. How many views are there though? It's probably like nothing. Yeah, 63. Plus for the gay dudes.

He was like, fuck this, I'm never doing this again. Well, he's smart, right? Yeah, he knows what he's doing. Who the fuck do you want to adjust? Dr. What is it? Dr. Gabriele Benedetti. Gabriele Benedetti. Put the spaghetti on your tits.

Yeah. This one has 25 million. There you go. So he kind of was like, oh, I see what works. Yeah, he's smart. Yeah. Oh, his severe spine deformation fixed. Let's tell him, 10 million.

As I adjust you, my pants will sometimes be removed. It helps me move more easy. Oh boy. There you go. So there's a whole, so there's ways around it. I know. Which is crazy. The crazy thing is that IG and all these platforms,

they really flex hard to try to shut down sexual things. They know. But fucking shot in the head, they're like, cool, that's fine. Here's an account where someone's goddamn ribs get run over by a bulldozer. And you're like, holy shit. Her animals eat animals. And they're like, no problem. But no sex.

But it always, I'm always like, why are you watching this? It's the same thing of like watching Dancing with the Stars to watch the skimpy outfits, or you could just watch, you can watch pornography now. I think some people feel better about themselves, like safer. Yeah. You know, it's like more wholesome, like I'm watching something titillating,

but I'm not watching the graphic thing. Yeah, levels of it. They like the lower level. The lower level thing. I feel like it's so disingenuous. You do. I'd rather just watch pornography. Yeah, it's because you're a nasty person.

Nasty bitch. Yeah. Right? This feels so silly. Like, what are you doing? You feel like you want to go- It's your dignity. You want something like more intense, you know? I love it when my beast, or my Primal,

gets to come out and play. I especially love it when it gets to play with Majors. Come get Primal with Major and I on our next temple play party, April 9th in Austin. Oh, that's here. Perfect. A temple play party. She's a tantric teacher, author of Beyond Cuddle Party. There's so many good things in Austin to do. Cuddle parties, men's circles. This is obviously, this this is old but you know

I'm sure they'll come back Mm-hmm from a few months back. This is perfect Tom would you would you want to do this? I would love to be a part of something like this go to the temple. Yeah Yeah, I want to get primal Do who do we get to pick the other people? I? Don't think so. I know that's the bummer. Yeah, I'm not interested in- We need to send somebody here to- we have a men's retreat we're talking to give them to go to and we're gonna send somebody to a primal party.

I know, but didn't you meet the tree girl? I met tree girl and tree- you know what tree girl also told me she does? What? She hosts adult recess. Perfect. I think that's actually really cool. I? She hosts Adult Recess. Perfect. I think that's actually really cool. I like the idea of Adult Recess. She has, if you follow Tree Girl,

I think her thing is Allison Wonderland, something like that, she posts about it. You can sign up and go to Adult Recess. I think our whole staff should do Adult Recess. I think we should too, that'd be fun. Adult Recess sounds fun, right? Yeah, Adult Re is, it looks fun. It's like, I mean, you know,

if you want to tree climb, you can do that, but the adult recess is like really like being a kid. I think it's a good idea. I think the staff, frankly, I think you need it. Yeah, you need to play. Are you into adult recess? Would you do it? I'm gonna be honest, I don't really know what the hell is...

What is it exactly? Well, there's a thing right there. There's one of the highlights. Creating community? There you go. The second one. Oh, shit. So, I don't know. It's just like, you know, playing games. Well, you know, I feel like when you have kids, it's always recess, right? That's true.

You can either have kids or you can be in your do see it all the time Yeah, we're always playing with these fuckers. Yeah, we're playing I had recess yesterday That was a blast that was fun. You guys had a good time. See they're all balloons They're all playing you that's cute. I don't want to play with strangers though. I don't want to play with strangers I want to play with my friends, but that's why I said we could do it with our stuff Yeah, I want to do it like how many people show up though. They're having a good time. Yeah, that's cute. These are probably rope droppers I see them starting the day early. They're all fit. They're all happy. They're having a good time Drip dropped and they're playing with cups of water. That's fun. So anyway

That's in your future Annie Me? Me specifically? No. No, I'm just saying that we're all gonna play All of us, but you're showing up. Oh, okay. Look they're playing You don't play dodgeball You wouldn't do that why y'all trying to sell me on this You don't like dodgeball you don't want to play y'all think you're slick You don't want to play? Ah, y'all think you're slick, huh? No, he's always thinks something's up.

Something's definitely happening though. Could be good for team bonding. Yeah, this is our corporate retreat. We don't do those, but this would be nice. I mean, I'll do it. I don't care. Yeah, I'm down. Yeah, this is just a silly duck duck goose.

Oh my God, that's so much fun. Come on. I play that with our kids. That's fun. I did water balloons with them yesterday. It was the most fun. And it's going to be hot, real hot soon know, I do a water balloon one. Yeah, any What why you're fucking looking at me man, what's what is that? Why will any play water balloons?

What's the deal any now? That's fine. Don't play with me, man Well, he doesn't like stuff and he doesn't like fun Well, he doesn't like stuff and he doesn't like fun. I didn't say that, I said I'm down. Dude, did I tell you I'm on the ultimate white trash quest with our kids? No. To build the longest fucking slip and slide. Oh, slip and slide, yeah, that's the shit, yeah.

Yo, I've been buying like tarps on Amazon and connecting them and figuring out water supply. It's tough when you wanna do a long water slide. It's so fun, dude. I put baby oil on it and let the kid just freak the fuck out. It's fucking so cool. But I think Ellis has a rash from it. His armpits are all red.

I got it, what else can I use? Baby soap on the water slide? What about coconut oil? Wouldn't that do it? Oh yeah. That's probably safe. That's good for your skin. Yeah.

Dude, they have so much fun. They freak out on that. Annie, wanna when I come do that one do the water slide The tarp Okay, yeah that shit's fun We're gonna do a sleep recess and you stretch tree girl, but I stretch your girl. Yeah, did you stretch her? Yeah, we did we did I did a little back massage technique Yeah, little cervix massage. Yeah. Yeah, I was like hey, I was like Take your clothes off so I can rub your back and I put a towel over

Yeah You know, what's funny though is that? Take your clothes off so I can rub your back and I put a towel over Yeah You know, what's funny though is that? Tom and I I've know we've known I've known you for so long and I know you so well that when we travel together on airplanes, I just know there's a code of silence you Do not want to talk you do not want to talk. You do not want to interact. And I learned this because a million years ago, we were flying to South Africa,

South Africa for a comedy festival. We're next to each other and we are both eating our meal. You gobbled your meal up and then you put your headphones on and you're like, I'm like, I'm talking to you. I'm still eating like you. And that's when I realize like you're like, I'm talking to you. I'm still eating. Like you, and that's when I realized like, you're not into talking. I am into talking. On airplanes.

So we sat separately there and back to Italy. And when I was on a plane to LA and there was this cute couple in first class and I could see that the guy was sitting in my seat and I had had you know, he switched himself and he goes can I sit next to my wife and I go that's so nice. My husband never wants to sit next to me. I go just because it's so sweet. Of course. Yes, of course. And I was like that's really sweet. They're so happy Tom.

I'm not sitting in silence the whole time. You don't like to chat. I do chat, but it's just like it's a fucking 10-hour flight. Were we supposed to chat for 10 hours? No, no, but you know, maybe I could sit next to you on the next flight. We did sit next to each other. No, we didn't. I sat way up here and you were back here.

That was availability. We didn't go, hey, can I please separate? I sat, no, you sat in front and I sat behind you. Well that was, but that was to Italy. That was what was available on that flight. We didn't, I mean. I'm just saying it'd be nice to hold your hand every now and then on the 10-hour journey. Maybe next to each other next time I could see you. But we, but we took the seats. You're like a fucking Iranian Saudi prince in front of me. This is the man is in front of them behind you You're acting like we were like, here's what we wanted to do. Please create space

It's just what was there Okay, remember when you ripped in the spa We were so tired we got massages the first day we landed in Italy. We were in the spa and after it he was lying next to me in the chill room. Your mouth was open and you were like fully ripping. And then this woman was right next to us and I was like, oh no, I gotta wake him up because you're ruining her life. Yeah, it was sad. Yeah, it's fun to snore and ruin people's time.

Yeah. All right, well why don't you see what we have here for you? Yeah. Okay, here we go. Shit, what do you got for me? Want to make the perfect chicken every time? This is vile. Start with eight sixths of butter placed on your chicken. Add fresh rosemary, oregano, and thyme. Start warming the butter with your hands and kneading it into shapes. Cover your entire chicken. If necessary, use a blowtorch to heat. Keep working until you've got the entire chicken masked in butter. I thought it was a joke at first. Now turn it around and stuff it with some fresh celery. This keeps the moisture inside. Add a little bit of lemon. Pop your chicken into the oven at 400 degrees for two hours. Measure the internal temp to 185.

Mmm, so good. Perfect every time. Be sure to save that butter. You can use it for other projects and it's great on bread. No thanks. Eight sticks of butter is insane. It's disgusting. This would give me diarrhea so hard. I don't understand why it would great on bread. No thanks. Eight sticks of butter is insane. It's disgusting. This would give me diarrhea so hard.

I don't understand why it would go that hard for her. You don't need eight sticks to make a buttery chicken like that. No. No, that's just terrible. I thought it was a joke. Yeah. It's a really fucking crazy idea.

She's like, let's slay off the butter. Like, no, dude. This is a guy petting a wild wolf? That thing looks so fierce. That thing looks so fucking fierce. Uh-huh. Oh shit. I'm so terrified. Why are you petting that?

What is that? What the fuck is that? I think it's a coyote. Is it a coyote? I think so. He's got it to calm down. It's crazy. He's crazy, babe.

He's flies. He's just petting a coyote in nature. That doesn't want to be pet, but is submitting. And his hair is combed over. It's so weird. He's long. That thing's going to attack him any second. Any second. Oh, this is this morning. Oh wow.

POV, the worst decision of your life. This is a guy who's getting his beard tattooed on his face. Oh man. Watch this. He's like, yeah, I like it. Yeah. Women get their eyebrows tattooed on, so it's not completely uncommon to do this. Also everyone's just gonna be like, oh, those dots.

Yeah, but you can get it done really, intricately. Yeah, so people can't see So this guy's getting his bearded tattoo But the fill in those look really big. There's really heavy fill ins. Oh This looks like someone who's never done this and that looks so dark That looks like Sharpie dark. Like someone just was like. Fuck dude. No. No way.

Look at his face. He's so bombed. Yeah his face is like. Oh my God. Oh my God. Cause I've seen the really fine one before. You know where it's like. Yeah you can do it. Like it's so. Yes. Mac really fine one before you know, yeah, you could do it like it's so Yeah, yeah

You honestly usually see on somebody with a darker complexion, you know Like you see like Puerto Rican dudes and Dominican dudes where you're like, is that a beard or is that it looks so me? Yeah, it's like this faded thing where you're like, I can't really tell this I can tell This looks like you fell asleep and your three-year-old this looks like Julie Faded thing where you're like, I can't really tell this I can tell This looks like you fell asleep and your three-year-old this looks like julian did it. Yeah Fuck your face up his face. You can tell he's just like staring off and you're like the fuck am I gonna do with my life? It's like how am I gonna get this shit off my fucking face that camp is this real this can't be real I feel like this is the worst thing i've ever seen

We've flown long-haul flights with our twins so many times now Here's how difficult each age was on a scale of one to ten first their travel day was on the twins were nine weeks old I had just given birth nine weeks ago exclusively breastfeeding and I just think it was way too challenging to travel that no shit Just a few months later. It was the absolute golden age of travel We traveled back to Australia when they were six months old and it was so easy Oh shit. start to get a little bit harder because one of our twins is walking and they're just more active at this age so they need to be moving around but it's still easy in the sense that they sleep a lot and they sleep wherever you put them. Not our kids.

I feel like after they turn a year old they get exponentially more active. They're also getting bigger and heavier and them sitting on your lap for 30 hours can be really difficult. 30 hour flights for 30. But this age was nothing compared to when we traveled when they were 20 months old. Look at this stage they probably do just need their own seats because they are big and heavy or flights for 30s. Fuck. we had to get them their own seats. And yes, of course, it was double the price of our normal travel days, but it was so much easier when they had their own seat. We also used the JetKids bed boxes, and that helped a lot too.

That looks cool. I wish I had seen this video fucking years ago. Our children would do none of this, just, you know. Ellis won't sleep on a flight to save his life. I would never take an infant on a plane I was too nervous. We were both too nervous anxious people. Yeah, I mean god bless these people for Yeah, there's people that that is tough built different. I can't do it flying to Tokyo. Okay. Nope. Not me I can't i'm not I can't I just break down. It's too much. Uh, especially that toddler a two-year-old

Panda malls a zookeeper. That's fucking awesome Everyone thinks pandas are so cute. Yeah Panda is mauling the zookeeper. So the pandas familiar with this woman Yeah, they're from this is the person that gives them food. Yeah, and they're like, but maybe they're like she didn't give them what they want Yeah, yeah, dude. You're like, fuck this. Maybe she didn't give them what they wanted. Yeah, dude. You're like, but the panda's just going to wave. Nope. Yeah, the beard tattoo is fake.

I think it's fake. It's got to be. There's no redness or bleeding. It's got to be. That was fucking. It's got to be. I mean, the guy gave zero attention. He was just like, mm.

He was just like, spattering it on. The dots weren't even at all. No. How is he going to be like, here you go, man. You never know. Yeah. That's bad. Oh, this is insane.

I've seen this one. I require all my guests to use the bathroom outside. Hi, my name is Ivy Bloom, and this is my outdoor potty area. This feels very Austin. I used to let my friends use the bathroom in my house, but I've since learned how unsanitary that is. Before entering the potty area, I require guests to put on these foot covers,

and first timers are required to read the rules. The most important rule is to dig at least six inches from an existing stick, because that's where another guest has dug a hole. It's pretty simple. You just dig a hole, do what you have to do, and put your toilet paper on top. I provide seeds that must be placed inside to keep my garden growing and once that's placed inside you cover it

up with the dirt you dug up and then place some leaves on top. The last thing you have to do is mark the spot with one of these sticks. I do live in Arizona and it gets really hot so I provide a bucket with refreshments and snacks that visitors can snack on while using the bathroom. And yes, there is a privacy curtain. Once that's done, they can take the covers off their feet and wash them in this bucket. Then they have to place them in this jar so that the next guest can use them. Once my guest is done using the bathroom, I require them to sign this journal. And I do respectfully ask for tips because maintaining this area can get a little expensive. Well, certainly the easiest way to deal with going to the bathroom.

Do you think she cares about number ones, too? Or can you number one wherever? I don't fucking know. Wait, and why is it unsanitary to use your indoor toilet? Do you realize that she has like 70 shits in her backyard? Different people. And also, I thought that human shit isn't good to fertilize food, which is why, like, you get sick in Mexico,

because they use human feces. What? Isn't that the truth? This is what my parents told me. It's probably another one of these lies. That's definitely not true. I thought that the Mexicans use human feces in sewer to fertilize their plants,

and that's why it gets in the water source. Can you Google why the Mexican water makes you sick? Tanner's saying this is spot on. Really? I'm not retarded. Tanner, you're not supposed to eat the cilantro in Mexico. It's like a joke because all the farmers, they just poop in the fields. I'm not retarded.

So he's Filipino to Tanner. I think I'm fucking cross over. Yeah. And do they do this kind of stuff in the Philippines where they use human? Are you retarded? They just shit. Yeah. Anywhere really.

Yeah, this is a third world fucking, well Mexico's not a third world. I mean very retarded. Yeah, see? Yeah. You think I'm crazy. I do, yeah. And then low and be fucking whole.

In 2015 the FDA banned some fresh cilantro from Mexico grown outside of Puebla from April 1st through August 31st due to the presence of human feces and Toilet paper in the fields the FDA investigated 11 farms and packing houses in Puebla over three years and found objectionable conditions at eight of those firms the FDA found that the feces and Toilet paper were found in fields and that some farms had no running water or toilet facilities Gotcha. So they were shitting on the food. Gotcha. Yeah, very good. How you get sick guacamole fans beware The FDA has banned the import of some fresh. Okay. There you go. That's how you get tummy trubs. There you go Can't use human caca. I really feel like we shouldn't play anymore after her

I feel like that's kind of like the button on the whole bit Well listen kudos to her she's got her principles and she's very labor intensive. Yeah, and and also why are you going to your friend's? House of shit. I don't know anybody who goes to see her twice, you know If you go to her house twice, she must really like her like really yeah Like if you're a friend and you're like, I'm gonna go to her house again. I might have to shit again in the backyard That's um, although I usually don't visit places and shit and have to shit No, I've never shit it really p. Yeah, but like If she's gonna be like, yeah go piss outside. I'm like, all right

Well and another problem I was thinking about she goes. Yes. I have a curtain But the curtain doesn't go all the way to the ground There's still a good I know the other thing is like let's say you're banging her right that I was thinking about that, too So it's like you go over there, right? You're there in the evening at night You know, I got a piece. She's like go pee outside and you're like, okay You do what you do you spend the night in the morning. You're like, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom She's like, oh no outside. You're like, no, I have to shit. She's like, yeah, no, outside. And you're like, what?

She's like, yeah. And then she takes you through this whole routine. You're like, this bitch is out of her fucking mind. So I would think that like, that's a one and done deal. One and done. Well also, is she telling me the protocol as I have to shit? Do you know what I mean?

Because you're a kind of, yeah, you're like, I gotta go. I gotta go. And she's like, well, you dig the hole and then here's my seat. Come the fuck on. Here's my boot. It's coming out right now. Yeah.

No, no, no, you got your shoes. Take your shoes off. And you're like. Okay. Like explain this to me like right when I get there. Oh, and check this out. What? I got these fireworks

Remember we said we're gonna set off those fireworks. We got five of these Hell yeah, so we're gonna set these off at some point here. Yeah, Texas, baby Let's just do it in the parking lot. I don't know if we're allowed to do that, but it's definitely gonna set these off There's a field nearby was just homeless people. I'm sure we could do that. Yeah, they wouldn't mind. Probably give a fuck. A little free entertainment, yeah. Okay, well, this was a lot of fun. Thank you guys for watching. And thank you for listening. Go to the FedEx Coliseum. Go to FedEx Coliseum in Italy. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop.

Christine, don't stop. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Don't stop, Christine. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Christine, don't stop. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Don't stop, Christine. And it was endless.

It was fucking endless. And when I took my dick out, she went... Thanks for stopping by. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed.

I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. that don't stop don't stop and it was endless it was fucking endless my dick as you went Christine that don't stop Christine that don't stop don't stop Christine that don't stop, Christine, it was one of those lords, Christine, that don't stop Christine, don't stop, it was one of those lords, Christine, that don't stop Don't stop, Christine, that don't stop And it was endless, it was fucking endless, and when I took my dick out she went Thanks for stopping by

Thanks for stopping by It was one of those lords, Christine, that don't stop Christine, don't stop, it was one of those those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Christine, don't stop. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Don't stop, Christine. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Christine, don't stop. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Don't stop, Christine. And it was endless. It was fucking endless. And when I took my dick out, she went...

Thanks for stopping by. Thanks for stopping by. I was one of those lones, Christine, that don't stop. Christine, don't stop. It was fucking endless.