Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour Don't miss Tom Segura's new sketch comedy series "Bad Thoughts" premiering on Netflix May 13th! SPONSORS: Learn more about Lightstrike at https://Drinklightstrike.com or follow on TikTok and Instagram @‌drinklightstrike. You can find Cremo’s new line of antiperspirants and deodorants at Target or https://Target.com Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/momshouse Get 20% off your first order of Liquid I.V. when you go to http://LIQUIDIV.COM and use code YMH at checkout. Hey Jeans! This week on Your Mom’s House, Tom and Christina are back from Fantasy Island and the Mommies kick things off with a classic opening clip that'll have you saying, "What?!"They catch up on Tony Johns’ latest adventures — including his Vegas sex scene and current courtroom drama — plus a surprise call from RPC where he seems down to drop everything and join the Vegas fun! Next, Tom drops the trailer for his brand-new Netflix show and debuts it for the all the Mommies first. Tim and Kirsten also weigh in on Mick Jagger’s wedding, Keanu’s appropriately aged girlfriend, Gwyneth Paltrow’s face situation, and why taking care of yourself before you're too old is the move. They next go down a TikTok rabbit hole which includes bad haircuts, buffets, secret menu items, portal jumping, Little Debbie honey buns, and fat-shaming in Thailand. All this, plus some music dreams, rougey cocktails, underage drinking nostalgia, lipstick plugs, and a whole lot of gay corn jokes. Pull those jeans up! Your Mom’s House Ep. 808 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:54 - Fantasy Island 00:09:49 - Opening Clip: WHAT?! 00:14:50 - Tony Johns + RPC Collab? 00:29:33 - YMH Exclusive: Bad Thoughts Full Trailer Premiere 00:35:46 - Lipstick Plug & Greased Up 00:37:55 - Mick Jagger Got Married 00:42:19 - Taking Care Of Yourself 00:48:22 - Clip: Ms. Pat Asks Trick Daddy About Diddy 00:49:32 - Clip: Black Light Daddy Pop Star 00:53:25 - Adult Beverages 01:01:47 - Christina's Curations 01:15:09 - Closing Song - "Any C*m In Those Balls" by TPK Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up everybody? My Come Together Tour is coming to the Vibrant Arena in Moline, Illinois on May 8th. Bristol, Virginia at the Hard Rock on May 10th. And then Springfield, Massachusetts at the Mass Mutual Center on May 22nd. Get tickets now at tomscuro.com slash tour. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. From early morning workouts that need a boost, to late night drives that need vibes, a good playlist can help you make the most out of your everyday. And when it comes to everyday spending, you can count on the PC Insider's World Elite Mastercard to help you earn the most PC optimum points everywhere you shop.

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Cut, my fucking cut Ah! Oh my fucking cut Cut, my fucking cut Cut, my fucking cut Ah! Oh my fucking cut. Cut, we cut, we cut. Cut, we cut, we cut.

Oh, we fucking cut. Cut, we cut, we cut. Cut, we cut, we cut. Yeah. That song ever made. Really cool one. I wish we could have played that at our wedding, but it wasn't made yet. It wasn't made yet. Jeans in my... have been a hit. Jeans in my... Even the title on that was a banger. It's really exciting, man.

Jeans in my... Wow. I remember the clip, too. I remember the clip that she was bound and her head was through one of those things and her... I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I my, wow. I remember the clip too. I remember the clip that she was bound and her head was through one of those things and her arms and legs were bound also. That old timey torture in the middle of the town square. What is it called, you guys? Stocks. The stocks. Yeah, and then a cool guy came up behind her and put things in her.

Yeah. They love that. Why are you guys laughing so hard? He was fucking awesome. God. He took her to town and then she did the post scene interview and she was like, I was awesome.

Sacsay. Sacsay. Sacsay. I can't be that comfortable to be in the stock. This seems like such a- She didn't look comfortable. Now this seems like a very common fantasy though. Yeah.

This one makes, it's like intuitive. Not the standing one obviously, but you know. No, yeah, somebody just that can't fight back, you mean? Yeah. Yeah. I feel like they probably did have just open on people in the stocks, right? I'm sure, I don't ever read about it.

I think back in that day, there was a lot of things that went down that there wasn't repercussions for. Can I tell you something? So I'm into watching Fantasy Island, that old show from the 80s, with Mr. Rourke in Tattoo the Little Midget. Yeah. I'm sorry, little person.

And it is so funny because people's fantasies are so lame. Like this one couple shows up to Fantasy Island and they want to live. You're watching this bullshit? I love it. I watch it while I'm on the treadmill. My mom and I used to watch this bullshit every Saturday night in the 80s.

Did you watch this with your mom? You never watched this shit when you were a kid? No, not this. See, this is when three years between us makes a difference. But anyway, mom and I, Saturday night, Fantasy Island, the point of the story is there's a couple that comes to the island and they're like, Mr. Rourke, our fantasy is to live in a more moral time. They don't want to live in the depravity that was in 1982. And Mr. Rourke gives them a warning like, you may not enjoy it so much as you think.

It might be a little different than you expect. So they're back to puritanical times, they create a village. It's so expensive to go to Fantasy Island. First of all, I don't know how these people are affording it because it's a whole thing. This little fucker was a real rascal, you know that, right? Hold on, can I tell you the point? So they go back to puritanical times

and they're putting people in the stocks and punishing them and then they decide they don't want any puritans anymore. Because life Yeah. Puritans anymore. That, that era is- Because life sucks. Molto gay. Yes. It fucking sucks. Mm-hmm.

And like you just people and just take away- Got it. You've said it a few times. Hold on. There's a, there's a priest in the town and he, this girl got married when she was 13 and then her husband died at 15 and she's 15 and he wants to bang her. And like, it's so awful. Okay, yeah, yeah, but these guys were,

these two were both knuckleheads, you know that, right? I feel like Ricardo Montalban could not not get laid because he's so smooth and so handsome. But the little guy, the little guy was a fiery little fucker. No, you don't know that. Yeah, there's a lot. Herve Villaches. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Drinking, guns, yeah, he was a little little fucker. No, you don't know that. Yeah, there's a lot. Herve Villaches? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drinking, guns, yeah, he was a little shit, yeah. You know the LPs kind of do that, the ones in showbiz? Yeah. Yeah, they party, they can party. We just had one here. We did, but Brad's not a big part, you know why they can't really?

He was a big party guy. But they can't because their bodies can't really. They still party, dude. Drink alcohols and stuff. He used to party pretty hard. I know can't because their bodies can't really. They still party, dude. Drink alcohols and stuff. He used to party pretty hard. I know, so did Chewie, Bravo. But this guy, I think he had a mean streak, this guy. Seriously?

Can you find any footage of him yelling at people? Any Herve Villaches stories? Herve Villaches? It's funny that they both chose Latin people to star in Fantasy Island. Look at him. He's fucking whacked out of his mind in that picture. You can't understand a lot of what Ted Tewes says.

He's French. No. Yeah. Oh. Like he's accent boss, like he totally, he can't understand what he says, I have to subtitle it because I can't understand what he's saying most of the time. The sad, tragic ending of Hervé right there.

Oh no. He couldn't overcome his addiction to women. Yeah. He was a little fucker Wow a little fucker three foot ten to imagine that little shit sticking fingers up your ass He's behind you. He's like, hey, would you guys stop laughing? You're encouraging them. Don't encourage it's true No, he had to get can we listen to him speak? He's not... Yeah, it wasn't good. And between him and Montalban, I don't know how America... I want pussy now.

Yeah, exactly. Tattoo. Good morning, David. Good morning, David. Like most of his fans, I first met Hervé Villaché on the screen. Hervé Villaché. In films like The One and Only and as Tattoo in Fantasy Island. When I came to meet him, I became acquainted with his hangouts like this cafe in Venice, California

There's many talents and hobbies and his special he's trying to fuck her for sure Huh, he's trying to fuck this lady. What is he saying? And how'd you turn to acting how that happen? Mm-hmm, I just answered an ad in a village voice as a newspaper in New York He's sweet though. Dogtail? What? Doctor? kid to be small in a family and my father used to be a doctor dog tail what doctor yeah it's too nice it didn't make any difference to him or to my mother they just treat me like everybody what don't the rest of us understand about life for a man your size what's different for you I just don't like pity but it's nothing different what's different is the

attitude of people toward me. They're the one who reminds me that I'm small. I love it. By the way they act with me. Yeah. You know, in the street. Yeah. And I'm at a face level with your pussy.

I'm easy to it by one. I have people who come to me and I don't know them and they say, they ask me personal questions like my sex life, how you do it, how you do this. Well, that's not their business because even if you were regular size, they will not ask you a question like that. I know that you've recently gotten a divorce. Divorce? Yeah.

I'm getting back on the market. I'm ready to fuck again. Yeah. But don't you like how people were just so direct in 1978? She's like, I don't let people asking me about my sex life. My sex life. Fuck you. After I come come I say voila

Yeah, he was I but I mean look he made the 80s herva village says was huge by the way Ricardo I just want to tell people real soon here the two bears 5k is coming up. It's gonna be May 4th in Tampa Florida two bears 5kcom has all the information. I'll be there. All 285 pounds of Burt will be there. We have Jelly Rolls joining us. We have some other celebs coming by. Some of the Bucks players, cheerleaders.

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Isn't that crazy? That's fucking terrible. Yeah, it only takes a fucking few days. It's fine. Look at my cool blood draw. Oh nice. You can take it off now. It's only been like an hour.

Yeah, well let's. It's not gonna spurt out is it? Nah, you'll be good Let's see Uh, okey dokey Yeah Good job You good job

Good job your mother Okay Like I'm looking at Alright Okay Okay They start the show They start the show

Uh oh, I know he's gonna You're gonna work your ass out You guys, get off your asses and back to work Come on man, we're taking a break Fuck your break There's 15 cars You're gonna work your ass off. You guys, get off your asses and back to work. Come on, man, we're taking a break. Fuck your break. There's 15 cars here that need to be serviced. Now get back to it.

Listen here, fucker. The only thing that needs servicing around here is our cocks. So get on your knees and bathe. Like a bitch. What? Let's do it, pick up! Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone's mother in this.

Nobody in the, stand! Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Tom. Tom. Christina Pashimson. Christina Pashimson. Welcome to your mom's house. Meow, meow, meow.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow meow What? That was a very aggressive. That was so good. What? What happens next? I want to see the rest of the scene. Yeah, me too. Do we not have it? Oh my God, please.

I can probably pull it up. Bro, you gotta find this. This is fantastic. This guy, the way he delivers... First of all, the balls of this guy to talk to his boss like that is crazy. But this guy nails this what. It's so good. Almost as though he doesn't know they're gay. He's like, what?

Down your knees and beg like a bitch. What? Are you out knees and beg like a bitch. What? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Are you out of your fucking mind? What? Tom, you do it. Okay, what does he say?

What's the lead in line? Get on your knees and fucking beg. Beg like a bitch. Okay, wait. You get on your knees and fucking beg like a bitch. What? All right, listen up, you beautiful high functioning party animals.

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Yeah. Thanks very much. What? Yeah, I have a feeling he gets on his knees and backs. What? What? The fact that he's gonna go from this level of just an incredulous look to on his knees

with dicks in his mouth, I don't believe it. You don't buy it? How's that gonna happen? I know, because he took it so high emotionally and he needs to bring it down. Well, it's great, but I want to know, how quickly does he go from that response to participating? I know, and how do we see him change his mind?

What's the evolution? That's the scene work I want to see. I agree. I agree. It's really crazy. Speaking of scene work, Tony Johns. Oh my God. It's happening.

He has two weeks to make it to Las Vegas. Can he stay out of trouble for two weeks? That's what we're debating. So here's all he has to do in the next two weeks because he has to get his tests, right? So which means he can't have sex with anybody. Well, he can, he's just gotta be safe. That's not gonna happen.

So he's gotta be safe. He's gotta not get arrested again. He probably should try to find housing. Well, that's the thing. He's asking online for it. He's like, everyone just let me crash. Yeah, but the reason is he goes to court today. Isn't that right? Is Cougar there? Cougar knows his whole whereabouts and like, or Josh, who knows the court date and what's the- Cougar's the one.

Cougar knows, yeah. What do you got? Yeah, what's going on with Court right now? So he actually, he's in Court as we speak. Right now? Yeah. Oh my God. What if we call him and he answers? Well, he had the all-time best, the all-time best statement about,

have you been paying your rent? He goes, I'm not a fucking walking ATM. Yeah. That's his reply to to are you paying rent? Am I a walking ATM? No. Does that, yeah. So the fact that, by the way, we love Tony Johns.

The fact that he thinks this could go any way other than for the home, like the landlords. But here's the deal, man. You know, New York, it has those laws like squatters rights laws. It's a lot harder to evict people like in California. But they've gone through the process though. Like they went through the long process because he's shown the documentation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking New York might give him like a 30 day grace period, which will get him to Vegas at least. So what else Cougar? He's got to pack his bags when he goes to Vegas. He should plan on and then he's like, oh, but I love Auburn

What the fuck? Well, you know why we figured out he loves Auburn is because he's kind of known as like the village knucklehead Do you know what I mean? Like Cougar was telling me tell him about the cops Oh, yeah, so according to him Usually whenever he gets arrested. Usually. Yeah. The cops are always excited to see them because apparently most of the cops in the

Auburn PD are YMH fans. Oh, cool. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out to Auburn PD. Yeah, shout out. But I also think that, listen, I think that Tony Johns is a bit of a local menace, right?

He's not necessarily. A bit. He's not a malicious guy, but he's a menace. And I bet you the whole village knows that, oh, here he comes, he's gonna jerk off in the bathroom again, here comes Tony. So they can't, you know. Yeah, I want him to get,

I want him to just stay on the path. I do too. Just, let's just get him to Vegas, start his scene work, get him working. Don't get arrested. Yeah, yeah. Now the real question is, are we gonna be able to add the RPC to this scene?

I really wanna know. This is the question everybody's been wondering. Can we give him a call? Can we call RPC and see if he's open to his, I know he's an actor, he's made it clear that he does work in this business. Also keep in mind, we've tried calling him every week for the last three episodes.

Yeah, but we only tried three of his six numbers. We should try them all. You don't wanna just call one or three phone numbers for somebody. How do these cool guys have multiple phone numbers? How do they memorize them? They barely can spell their names. I don't know.

And they're like fucking just. How can they afford like four lines? I have no idea. I have one phone number. I have no idea. I don't even know the number. I don't know the numbers. I don't know our phone numbers.

I don't know our phone numbers either. No, I know mine. I don't know yours. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, no idea. No. Please leave your message. Well, yeah, what are you doing man? Call the other numbers.

What are you dumb, Josh? God, obviously. Stupid. Call all the numbers. True. We literally have them in our phone as RPC1, RPC2, RPC3. I'm busy right now. I'm going to Cootie Island. I got too many shows at Cootie Island. I'm very busy right now. I'm making a hat, I'm doing some scenes. I'm making a hat.

Hello? Robert! Speaking. Hey Robert, it's Tom, Segura, and Christina P. Hi Robert! Oh, how are you doing? Good, how are you man? Just resting, that's all.

Oh, resting, yeah. You gotta get your rest. How have you been, man? I was trying to do some comedy, but I gotta work it out later on. It's something about, I can't explain, a wife of the, well, how am I gonna explain to it? A wife that's gonna marry the president when he's dead. Trust me.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I call her Gwena. Right. That's funny. Well, I was gonna say that, but we'll get into that. Yeah, so you're working on that bit. That's fun. Hey, I got a question for you.

What? So we are producing a doc and then working with some people for an adult scene that's shooting in Vegas. It's a big, it's big names, you know, Alexis Fox, it's like the breakout role for Tony Johns. Would you be interested in being in a scene like that? What kind of scene? It's an adult scene, like a porno.

I would do it. Yes! So here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking. Oh yes. Right now we're going the law enforcement angle. So Alexis- Creatively, not-

Yeah, creatively, yeah, yeah. So she's going to play Officer Alexis and then Tony Johns is the male who's been arrested. And we were thinking of you could be like basically Sergeant Cumdump who comes in and and tells Officer Alexis that this criminal needs to be strip searched and that you need DNA so that she's got to like get it out of him. You know what I mean? Oh, I get the point. Yep. You feel you could do that? Oh, I could. If I could pull a schizo dude out of the air, without getting deported by the prisons, I could do that. If I could pull a skitter and do it on the air, without getting deported by the prisons, I could do that.

Oh, yeah. So, how about getting to Vegas? Would you be cool flying to Vegas? How could I get to the Vegas? Well, we would fly you there. Okay, but here's what I got now. I have have a cat who won't do my cat. Oh right the cat That's a good question. I don't know Is there somebody that could watch the cat? The only thing I could do with the cat if I had I could bring to a shelter they could hold on for a few days Okay, I mean that's up to you. I don't want to you know

Yeah, no, it's a shelter but that's not they can't keep them because the whole group for a few days, okay That's a good idea. When are we planning on shooting the scene guys? April 25th to 27 okay, so we would need you in Vegas April 25 to 27. We would fly you out and put Yeah Because I have I have to go to the shelter and see if they can get them Yeah. Because I will have to go to the shelter and see if they can get them, get him, just to support him.

I don't want them keeping him, you know? Right, right, just to board him, yeah. So- I just have a black Persian cat and I cannot lose him, okay. Oh, of course, no, we love cats. So we would fly you out there and then we would put you up

and then we would, you know, you'd be participating in the scene and obviously you get paid for that and then you would, you know, you'd be participating in the scene and obviously you get paid for that and then you would fly back. Okay. Okay. How do you feel about air travel? Like are you pretty comfortable going to one of the airports to fly to Vegas?

I guess an airplane flight, but as long as it'm not near a window. Oh yeah, we can get you an aisle seat. Sure. Okay. You know, I'm back with the cat, the 25th, I can put a little food up because he eats it, I can put food up because I can leave my home second, so I don't have to have anybody take care of him.

He can take care of himself. Right. He's a big cat. Yeah. Yeah, if you leave some food out for a couple of days in the litter box and everything. Yeah, it's fine. That should be... He's a big cat, so I'm just worried about that.

Okay. Man, this is super exciting. So is it 25th, is it 27th? Okay, so, okay. As long as I get back to get my check because I got paid the rent and everything, oh, and the insurance and all that, oh. Yeah. Yeah.

So yeah, I mean, you know, this would be great I mean you could bring out some if you have some costume stuff for officer come dumb If you want to bring that that would be probably helpful Well, I like it. Mostly his hat and his stuff like that his hat them He said the uniform so I stole the uniform on believe it or not. Jesus Christ, we can get you a new uniform. Oh, yeah, I had Drake Queen installed it on me, and I tried to get ahold of her. I know she stole the fucking uniform. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Fucking bitch. Hey, can I ask you, have you had any black guys come around lately? I had one here, but I tried being nice to him. And I told him I tried to help him out. And he drank expensive brandy, champagne, and everything else. And he was just a drunk and a drug addict. I said, get the fuck out. I just saved him out. Oh, shit.

Did you at least get to have sex with him before? Oh, he was a bottom. And he was the worst thing in the fucking world. Oh, sorry. When I was young, I used to dream of being anything, a doctor, president, a scientist. As you get older, your dreams change,

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The black cat's like, he's bossy in the house, so I got my male cat, so I don't need him anymore. He's done with. Oh, damn. Well, this is super exciting, Robert. Oh my gosh, Robert, this is amazing. It's gonna be a huge scene. Don't sound like that.

I got an issue. I put somebody in charge of my insurance, right? Yeah. I'm just girls in quick to handle insurance. I got a good guess. I got a sure I gotta find some dude to do the strength policy this girl can't do insurance for some reason. God damn it insurance is such a Pain in the ass sometimes. I know no no try to work with her. I tried to what to do and she's Well, I'll tell you cuz she's in Texas, but she's a good she's a smart person, but because it's disgusting but She don't know what burial things like I explained to her. This is a long story

Yeah, I get it so um The guys will be in touch and we will book all the travel for you and then yeah This will be a super fun thing man. Thank you so much for oh robert Which phone number is the best for Josh to reach out to you? Could you just like answer your phones and stuff? The money is in now. Okay, this is the number mark. This one has the good number guys So keep a lookout for the phone calls. Okay, Robert Okay, longest of the morning like this. We're okay. Okay. Okay, cool

27th, okay. All right, awesome, man. I can't wait. We'll talk to you soon. I need to be fucked a lot, man. Okay, catch ya. Bye, sweetie. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Try it out. He goes, as long as it's in the morning like this, it's like 12.30 his time. It's later than that, I believe. It's not the morning. Remotely. He's just resting.

Yeah, it's 1.07 there. He's resting. Did he always have a cat? I don't think so. I've never heard him really talk about the cat before. Me neither. That was never a concern, but I'm happy. And it went from all boarding the cat

to like, it'll be fine here. I'm like, yeah. It's good. Well, this is very exciting. This is very exciting. Did you ever in your wildest dreams imagine Tony Johns with Robert Paul Champagne and Alexis Fox?

Dude, Officer Cumdump getting a real role. Yeah. It's really cool. He's so good. Yeah. Babe, we're making so many dreams come true. Yeah. So there you go.

I can't believe it. Speaking of big news, we have a YMAS exclusive. I should probably treat it with the respect that it deserves. Are your mom's house exclusive? No. You smelt it here first. It's true. Netflix, the streaming platform,

I have a new show coming out called Bad Thoughts. Yes. And it's going to come out on May 13th, so I hope you all will check it out. So far, the teaser has dropped, but now the full trailer is coming out, and the good people at Netflix have allowed us to debut the trailer first.

Wow. So we get to play it before anybody else. So we're gonna go full screen, we're gonna mute the mics, and we're gonna let you watch the trailer, and then we will come back and we'll talk about it. Awesome. So here you go.

It is the world exclusive premiere of the new trailer for Bad Thoughts coming out May 13th on Netflix. And here you go. You got 24 hours, agent six. Don't get yourself killed. It's a job. I only have one rule.

No women, No children. I'm a global country superstar who's lost his mojo. So I decided to kidnap expanse, force them to live in a poor people town, make them share their deepest, darkest traumas so I can put it into hit songs. My mother died in 9-11. Ooh!

I like that. Get this starving bitch a shrimp. Large iced coffee and just a slash of whole milk. Next. The Last of Us Could you just remake this with less milk? Less milk? The Last of Us

I'm a professional barista. I know what a fucking splash is. Think of this as a conversation. To get to the truth. Welcome to me, big boy. I want to get to the real stuff. He's clearly using a headset for virtual reality form. I have severe carpal tunnel. Click stuff. You're a terrible person.

Raw stuff. Welcome to the party. There's no better feeling than killing the enemy. You know we have to transfer schools, right? Of course. Blue rock! I am exhausted. You killed three people.

I know. Why not, you guys do it? And there you go. Yeah, it's so good. It's a good trailer. It's so good. Yeah, we're stoked. Babe, this show's so fucking great. It's really exciting.

I'm so stoked. I've watched you go through the whole process. You've spared no expense. The writing to the whole production of it and now we've been in post for months and now it gets to come out. So we're super excited for it. So good.

We'll have a premiere in another, well, the premiere is actually. Past May 6th, right? Yeah, it's May 6th, yeah. So exciting. So it's coming up in like a few days. Oh my God. Yeah, but so many people, you know, work so hard.

I think that's the thing you realize too, when you actually get to do a project like this, is you're like, oh man, this is truly a collaborative experience. Like, there's so many people involved, so many. And they all bust their ass. Everybody tries. That's the other thing, is you're like, man,

even when a show comes out, and like, cause you don't know how a show's gonna be received, I don't know what, but you're like, man, try they really try everyone tries their best to make the best thing possible Definitely. Yeah. Well, it also matters the team that you've you've assembled I know really found some like-minded weirdos to work on this with you top to bottom And you could see Rob Eiler is in that yeah There's a lot of stars a lot of people Rob Eiler is in it Iler is in that. Yeah. There's a lot of stars, a lot of people. Rob Iler's in it. Kirk Fox is in it.

Daniella Pineda is in it. Johnny Pemberton's in it. I'm forgetting tons of people. Tons of people. Dan Stevens is in it. Who else? Alan Rachel's in it. Shay Wiggum. Shay Wiggum's in it, which is fucking unbelievable. I mean you got yeah, we got so many fucking heavy hitters

We did so good And you know what's great too is these thoughts these awful thoughts have been marinating as long as i've known you You just said that to me and it's so cool to see them now out there in the world like There's so many jokes and so many ideas that are in there from 20 years. Nuggets have been there so long. Yeah. It's cool that you got to do them all. And it looks fucking amazing. Yeah. I gotta give credit to Nico. Our DP was just unbelievable in it. And then the writers, Rami Hishash, Jeremy Connor, Zimmin and Gerard, Connor Galvin were amazing. Greg Tukalescu also helped us.

Yeah, it was like, it was a huge, huge collaborative effort. I got to direct a few of these, which was a huge win for me, something I always wanted to do. So I directed three of the stories. So we'll get into that more when the show comes out, but yeah. Also some, you know, little YMH Easter eggs. There's some Easter eggs in there. Which is so fun that we got to, you got to put some stuff in.

I like that some people were like, oh, you have to be a YMH insider to get this? Like, not at all. No. No. Zero percent. But it helps. It helps to have the same sensibility. Yeah, sure. Sense of humor. Yeah, but none of them are contingent upon understanding

an inside joke. No, no, no. But if you're a fan, you'll be happy to see some stuff in there. Yeah, so again, that's the full trailer. Show comes out May 13th. I hope you watch it. I hope you tell people to watch it. We couldn't be happier about it.

Yeah. Awesome. Oh, Tanner found the full gay auto mechanic scene. But before that, can I just plug my lipsticks? Get it in time for Mother's Day. It's a great thing to put on your lips before you blow a guy. Yep, christinaP.com, get all four colors. Get the perfect four, buy it now in time for Mother's Day.

Get them right now, right now, right now. Get them right now, right now, right now, right now. Are we really gonna watch the full gay scene? I'm so excited. What? Uh, I just to see what happens. What happens here? I know.

Okay, awesome. It's a mystery. It's called Greased Up. Of course it is. Okay. Greased Up. Where does it go from here? I know we've been working our asses off.

You guys, get off your asses and back to work. Come on, man. We're taking a break. Yeah, resting. There's 15 cars here that need to be serviced. Now get back to it. Listen here, fucker. The only thing that needs servicing cars here. They need to be serviced now get back to it Listen here fucker. The only thing needs servicing around here is our cocks

So get on your knees and beg like a bitch what you're fucking fired You can't fire us our buck without us this place would fold. That's a good come back Right away So he forces him that's how he gets him. Oh, wow. Because we were wondering how... Oh, Jesus. Oh, but Tom and I were wondering how he goes from what to sucking his teeth.

It was pretty fast. He forced his head down. Yeah, it was pretty quick. Yeah. Okay. Wow, that was so sudden. It was like, I feel like we missed a few beats here. Thanks, Tanner. Appreciate you doing the research.

Yeah, I mean, he really just went from what? And then they pulled him down by his tie. So it was involuntary. It looked like they were- He doesn't want to be there. You can tell. He's like, I run a business. I'm trying to run this fucking mechanic shop.

Well, now all three of them are banging in and all of those cars- And no cars are getting serviced now. So it actually, he was right. They really should get back to work. Yeah. It's so true. and all of those cars. And no cars are getting service now. So it actually, he was right. They really should get back to work. Yeah. It's so true.

It's really interesting. I don't know about this mechanic shop. Yeah, I don't know about taking my car here. I'd like, if you could find out the name of the place, I'd like to avoid it. Cause they don't actually work. They're just all fucking not cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's right. All these workplace orgies and stuff getting away. It's pretty cool, man. It is pretty cool. Yep. Hmm, speaking of cool. Yeah. Have you seen our homeboy from the Rolling Stones,

Mick Jagger, got married again. Oh, nice. Yeah, you wanna check out his bride? Yeah, let's see her. Do you wanna guess how old she is? 72. No, silly, he's 81. Let's see her. Do you wanna guess how old she is? 72? No, silly, he's 81.

She is 37. That's cool, that works. Perfect, right? Yeah. Let's see. Do you have the cool guy riff we can play? Sure. Yeah.

This is so cool. They look so happy together. They do. Well, he's engaged to his longtime partner. How long could it have been? Melanie Hamrick. I mean, how long? He looks happy as shit there. No, he's always happy. He's a fucking Mick Jagger.

But hey, good for him. At least he's marrying her and he can have kids. There's nothing worse than when a guy just uses up your best years and then spits you out. Like he took her best fertile years, but then he's, he's going to knock her up, right? I would think so. He's got to.

Has she had a kid? I don't know. Let's do some research. Do Melanie Hamrick. Let's see. Melanie Hamrick. Maybe she has children. Has one child named Devereaux.

With Mick Jagger. Yeah. They welcomed him in 2016. Oh, that kid's almost 10. So that is a long time partner. That's Jagger's eighth kid. Yeah, oh, they've been in a relationship since 2014. But you know what? He hasn't been sure about her this whole time. They've been dating since she was 26.

So that is the best fertile years, but he gave her a kid. Made an honest woman out of her. Why do you think it took him an entire, like he was on the fence for a decade with this girl? I'm pretty busy, I do a lot of shit. I don't know, man. This could go either way, you know what I mean? I don't wanna fucking lock into something.

I mean, let's be kinked. Bitch, you are replaceable. You ain't shit. I'm not reliable and neither are you. Any center thoughts? Yeah, that's fucking so cool for sure, man. But real talk. Yeah, real talk.

Can I, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, man. I want you to be brutally honest with me with dudes like that dragging their asses for a decade on a woman. What the fuck is wrong? What is going on there? They're not sure. They're not sure about her or not sure they want to be married or both? Both. Probably more just, I don't know if I want to be married, I think.

Yeah. Because I think that's real scary. For some dudes, it's really, really scary. Just have one beaver. Yeah, so they're... I mean, you've got to actually give credit to... Like, they're not marrying them. And it's, that's the decision. Like it's clear. If he's not asking you to get married

and you're cool with it, then that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. Yeah, I know. But if you're abroad that like wants to have kids. I mean, a lot of chicks, we'll tell them, you see it all the time. Women go, Hey, if you're not going to marry me, then I'm out of here.

Which is what they should do is just get out of there. If you want to have children and the whole thing. So, so Mick Jagger is a cool guy marrying his 37 year old longtime partner and he started when they were 26, he's 81. On the flip side of this, you have an actual cool guy. Like, I mean, a genuine person like Keanu Reeves, who is dating an age appropriate woman. And he gets so much shit.

Does he get a lot of shit from her? Yes, like online people are like, oh my God, she's got gray hair, she's so old. And it's like, well, yeah, it's age appropriate. That's who you should be. She looks lovely though. She's great. And there's pictures of them eating in restaurants,

like laughing and having the best time. And like, they're very happy. They look happy, they look good. Yeah. How old is she? I don't know, how old is she? Let's see. Dun, dun, dun, she's 52.

She looks sweet, 52. And how old is Canoe? Canoe's gotta be a little older than that. I mean like He's 60. Yeah, okay. So that's the right years younger, but that's still the proper ballpark. Yeah, he's got he looks so great He's so fit for 60 That's why that doesn't look like a 60 year old man. No, neither does Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise was just up there Is that he's 62? But see canoe is half Asian.

So he's got that Asian blood that keeps you young forever. They look great. They don't age. They don't age. But do you think he's had work? Yeah, a little bit. Maybe a little, yeah. That's the right amount.

Yeah. The right amount. Movie stars should. Absolutely, if you're on a big screen and people are looking at your big dumb head. He's had it, Cruise has had it. Pitt. Pittstop's had it, Cruz has had it. Pitt. Pittstop's had it.

They all have little touch ups. You know who's had really good work done? Gwini Peltro. Oh really? She apparently had the bottom lifted and you can see cause the ears, you know, that. And then she had the blefs, which is I'm gonna have my upper blefs done in July.

You guys are gonna get to see me all fucking weird looking. But she looks great. She has the right amount. I'm not going to do that. I'm just getting my eyelids. My eyelids are drooping. She looks fantastic. She's just a few years older than me.

When I do it, I'm going to go full, full all the way back. This shit up here like this. Yeah. And I'm going to go, hi, it's great to be back on stage. all the way back this shit up here like this. Yeah. And I'm gonna go, hi, it's great to be back on stage. Like Liberace, that Liberace movie when he couldn't close his eyes to sleep. Snoring with his eyes open.

Yeah. Oh, Tom Cruise looks great too. He's 62 years old, man. That's ridiculous. I'm not seeing, he must have had a face like. When you look at somebody and you're like, that guy's less than a decade from 70. Impossible.

Yeah. No, he takes good care of himself. For sure. Yeah. All these celebrities, they all get facelips. They're all doing all this kind of shit to their faces. But he's also, he's on top of his nutrition. That too. He has been for decades. That too.

He's physically fit. He's really active. Because I'll tell you, man, Gen Pop, when I was getting my colonoscopy, when I'm in these doctor's offices for all my blood work and all his MRIs and stuff, Gen Pop does not look good, man. I mean, I'm looking at people in the future and I'm like, this is what happens when you don't take care of your body and you must start really taking care of yourself in your 40s.

Yeah, 40s is where you lay the groundwork. It's crucial. I know, because once you're 60, it's too late to start. You've already got diabetes and problems. It's stop. If you're 60 and you haven't started, don't start. Don't start. It's too late.

Just throw in the towel. Keep doing what you're doing. Yeah, just quit. Well, and I'll tell you. That's the message, quit now. Because your sister gives your mom shit for like drinking or doing things. And I'm like, don't give her shit.

She's 80 years old. Let her eat cake and wine for dinner. Who cares? Yeah, she's rounding third right now. So it's just like, let her come home. Yeah, who cares? And she's in great health. She doesn't have any health problems.

It's insane. Yeah, it's insane. So how long do you want her to go? Until 100? No, don't even put that out there. God, no. Got a couple of years at best. No, just don't even put that out there God No, got a couple years at best and she's in great health. So let her ruin it now. Now's the time Right. Yeah, don't start eating salads now when you're 80

Like a toddler first of all, she won't anyway No, but try I've been trying to get her to do a daily casual neighborhood walk for one decade. No. And she's like, ah, I did it two weeks ago, I hate it. I'm like, okay, don't walk then. And then she's like, I can't walk anywhere.

I'm like, yeah, okay. She did do Pilates with Jane and me like two months ago and she did it. We were afraid that she'd fall off the machine and stuff. Like everybody was nervous, but she did it. You should be. She hasn't gone back yet, but. Yeah.

Yeah, she's out of her fucking mind. Good genetics though, Jane. She's a crazy person. Let's hope you get. It's crazy, she's one of seven, you know? I know. She's the youngest of seven. Most are dead, because who's alive?

Four are, so three are dead because who's alive. Four are, so three are dead. It's all men. Oh, don't say Oscar. Juan Luis and Pepa are dead. Some of them died in their sixties. Don't, don't say that. It's true. But Armando is still alive.

He's older than her. Uh, Blanca is still alive. She's older and Marita is still alive and she's older. So there are, she has older siblings that are still alive. He's older than her. Blanca's still alive. She's older. And Marita's still alive. And she's older. So she has older siblings that are all alive. I know, I think about my DNA. Like I had bad luck with the breast cancer stuff.

But my dad, on the other hand, is a roach. He never had a green vegetable, never drank water in his life. Just booze and like horseradish and sausage. Fine. Fine. He's in his late seventies now. Yeah, dude. He's gonna be eighties. Fine. I just pray that he gets some of that. It really is a roll the dice though on this shit. You know, it's all, no, all of it is my oncologist. I was like, Hey,

what's the common denominator with people you see that have cancer? She goes, nothing, nothing luck. She's like people who smoked their whole lives won't get lung cancer. Somebody who's never smoked will get lung cancer. She goes nothing, nothing, luck. She's like people who smoke their whole lives won't get lung cancer. Somebody who's never smoked will get lung cancer. Crazy. She goes actually the only thing you can do is be a piece of shit. Is be an asshole. She goes assholes live forever. And I'm like that's fucking so true. Yeah. You know we know that we know that couple in LA where she's younger than him and... Which one? I feel like that's all of LA. No but she's younger than him. And, um. Which one?

I feel like that's all of LA. No, but these are friends. Okay. And he doesn't look close to his age. And he's like this age, like 60-ish. And his parents lived into their nineties. Wow. And so you're like, oh,

cause you're like, why you look really good. Oh right. I know which couple is talking about. You look really good, man. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, mom's 96. Yep. You're like, oh, because you're like, oh, you look really good. Oh, right, I know which couple I'm talking about. You look really good, man. And he's like, yeah, mom, 96. You're like, mom's 96? Like, yeah, my dad lived to 94, and you're like, oh, okay, there's something in your genes.

It's totally genetics. No, you're just, you're hashtag blessed or you're not. You just get bad luck. As Charles pushes it into her 90s, I'm gonna lose my fucking mind. She might, dude. She might dude She might unbelievable. She's been promising to check out for so long now She just keeps fucking cuz she's been threatening that shit like I'm gonna die soon since I've known her. Yeah 20 years now

Yeah, I mean to that dude. I remember being a kid. She was like I do understand. I'm 45. Yeah, I'm going to die I'm like, okay Alright understand I'm 45. I'm going to die. And I'm like, okay, all right, I'm six. Thanks for telling me. Yeah, put that mortality in your head already as a kid. That doesn't help. Pretty crazy. This is so funny.

One of my favorite comedians is Miss Pat. And she was on Trick Daddy's pod. They were cooking. This is such a funny exchange. How long you been in the game, rapping and shit? I've been rapping since 95. Did you go to Diddy Parties? They don't invite no niggas like me to Diddy Parties. My old boys would rob that bitch, tell her all them niggas, put your dicks up and raise

your hands and drop your money and your wallet in this basket. I ain't gonna invite no motherfucking Diddy Parties. I'm not a Diddy Party ass nigga. I'm not that Diddy party ass nigga. I'm not that kind of dude. I love that Miss Pat has the balls to ask that. Oh, of course. She'll ask anything.

She's so funny. Yeah, she's amazing. Fuck no. He's like, put your dicks up. Take your wallet, which is true. Which is true. There's no way Trick Daddy and his crew would go to a dating party.

That would never happen. So fucking funny, though. I love Miss Pat. I think I'm going to see her. Oh, yeah. I think in New York, when I go to New York, she's going to be there. She's great. Yeah. We got to get her to move out to Austin. She's got family and shit. Yeah. And then I thought you would like this just because you like music.

You're a cool music fan Multiple major labels told me that despite my talent. I was still too old in my mid-30s To begin a music career well Here's what I say to that My name is the rafa And I make music Yeah And I make music. Yeah.

All is forgiven. Everything is alright. All is forgiven. No longer goes to night. All is forgiven. Everything is alright. I thought the staff put this together, but it's a real clip For people just listening he's in a day glow bodysuit And this is his these are his tunes. These are his tunes. Yeah He's not too old. He's not too old. No, you kidding me. No fucking way feels fresh as fuck

All is forgiven. I wonder if putting that on is what puts him in a musical mood. Probably, probably. That's like his, his outfit, his show. You know, we all wear shit on stage. That makes you feel more funny. Yeah. This definitely makes him feel sexier and activated. And like, dude, wait a go, man.

Wait, do you think that's true though? That you can't start a music career past 30 Are there any examples of it? I mean you can but I'll be Moby's old as fuck But he's been making music a long time even before he broke it. Yeah, cuz that all already he broke with that album in like 97 98 That's when that Moby Play album came out. It was like around 98, 99. So that's already 25 plus years ago.

He was making music before that. That wasn't his first album. So he was, yeah, he was doing it a lot. Hold on. Oh, Liz, but give it. I like it. It's very catchy. Yeah, it is catchy.

And I like, I actually like the day glow thing. The glow in the dark shits. Yeah. Can I tell you though, in today's world, you never know. This song could take off on TikTok. You never know. And like people could be memeing that shit and then he can get a fucking record deal now. Yeah, I don't believe the shit about,

it's too late to do creative stuff. No. If you wanna write, if you wanna paint, if you wanna, like you should definitely do it. Start in your 50s. There are people I follow on TikTok who are like elderly people and they're so rad. They come up with crazy stuff.

What are you thinking? No, I was looking at this thing on the- Porn? No, fuck porn. What? What? No, what? Suck your guy's cocks?

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. All right. You fuck me and I'll blow him. Fine. Okay. What would you do if you had to make like an album now? But you do rap, right?

You be raps. I don't think I could, I'm not a- That is so awful. No, I couldn't do that. My interest isn't even in that. It would be in production. Like that's the stuff I like. What do you mean? Like making beats, even though I can't make one. That's what't even in that. It would be in production. Like that's the stuff I like. What do you mean?

Like making beats, even though I can't make one. That's what I like the most. Making beats. Well, that's what I enjoy the most is like the production in hip hop. You'd be like Rick Rubin. No, he's a producer. Like I'm saying I like what,

like the beat that you hear. Oh, I don't like that at all. I like the lyrics and the words. Because there are songs where the beat is cool, but the words are so dumb I tap out. There's a lot of songs like that. I can't do it. I know, and what I do is I tune out the words

and I just listen to the beat. You know, you would write a song about roogies. You love them so much. I love my roogies. It's stuck on them all day long. Rookies in my mouth. I put them in my butt. You should put in my mouth. I put them in my butt. You should put them in your butt.

It's rookie time. It's. Yeah. Well, you and those rookies, the kids wanna try the rookies too. We should get them. I'll let your kids try rookies. They already know that babies like to smoke

and eat sausage. You know what you brought up through the day that I was thinking about? What? How you learn alcohol drinks at different phases of your life. the day that I was thinking about? What? How you learn alcohol drinks at different phases of your life. Yes. And I was thinking about it,

cause I was like, when you order a drink, I remember learning what a screwdriver was. Oh my God. And feeling so sophisticated. So grown up. And I'd be like, let me get a screwdriver. And. I know.

Cause it sounds hard. Yeah. But it's not. It's just vodka and orange juice. But you're like, yeah, I don't order, I don't's not. It's just vodka and orange juice. Yeah, I don't order, I don't say, can I get a vodka and orange juice? I just go, let me get a screwdriver. And the night I OD'd when I was a freshman in college,

I had 14 screwdrivers. 14! Yeah, yeah. It's part of why I ended up in the hospital. Tom. Did you drink them before you dosed? Yeah, so I was lit. I Did you drink them before you dosed? Yeah, so I was lit.

I was super drunk and then I dosed and then I was like. Bro, you were on your way to a significant problem. I was on my way to the grave. Yeah, you were doing 14 mixed drinks. After ecstasy too, I took ecstasy. Then I drank those 14 drinks. Over a few hours, obviously.

Oh yeah, just a few hours. And then I did the GHB. But one of the things I always remember is screwdrivers. You were on your way. Yeah, and then you learned, what was it, seven and seven? No, hold on. So screwdrivers, when I was 13, Jenny Pentland taught me what a screwdriver was.

And we would make them in my house when my parents were gone and drink them in the jacuzzi. And you're like so badass. And I'm like, it's a fucking screwdriver. And that was the first drink. And then you learned, well, Zima was in college. No, I didn't do that. I'm not gay. Oh, Strawberry Hill. Boone Strawberry Hill was high school. Did you drink that? No, what we started it like, I also thought it was cool to say On the Rocks. Oh my God.

Get that on the rocks. Oh my God. You can get that on the rocks. On the rocks. Strawberry Hill, there it is. Then Cuba Libre was a big one with Latinos. Yeah. You say, let me get a Cuba Libre, which is just rum and Coke.

But it sounds way better when you say Cuba Libre. Yeah. Seven and seven. Seven and seven, oh, okay. So once you start, so I did those in college. Once you puke seven and seven, that phase ends. That ends, yeah. It's just like the Bacardi phase.

The first time you vomit that shit, you're done with Bacardi. But here's the thing, I still, I'm so bad now. One thing is I don't drink a lot, but whenever I see a cocktail menu, I'm like, oh, I go, what's like, because I always have kind of the same desire at this point in my life where I go,

I like it to be like refreshing taste. So I like things with cucumber, mint, and but like not too sweet. So we can have a little bit, but like really sugary sweet ones. Like, oh my God, remember when you learn a Long Island ice tea? I was just gonna say that. I learned that.

I feel like that was going from high school to college. Yeah. Let me get a Long Island ice tea. Oh my God. Remember when you learn a Long Island I.C.? I was just going to say that. I learned that. I feel like that was going from high school to college. Yeah. Let me get a Long Island I.C. Oh my God. So Long Island I discovered like first year. That's to get completely. Obliterated. Because they were cheap, right? Because you could get one Long Island I.C. for $13, and then you'd be ripped. And there was a couple places that would serve miners,

Casa Vega in the Valley and the Dresden Room. And we would go there and they would give you a Long Island ice teas when you were like 18 years old. Oh, shout out to Casa Vega. Casa Vega's still around, probably enjoying the free plug. They serve minors. Thanks for the underaged booze. I'm sure they don't do it anymore, but in the late 90s,

that was fucking fire dog. Well, this old dog face, I used to just walk into bars at 17. They'd be like, how's it going, sir? What would you like? I had a fake ID. There's the Dresden, yeah. But I didn't have to pull it out all the time.

I didn't have to do it either. No, the Dresden room, this is before it became cool from that movie Swingers. You think it was because of your tits? They saw your tits and they were like, this big titted broad is your kid? Yeah, because tits got me to buy cigarettes when I was 13 at the time to buy a liquor store off Newcastle and Ventura Boulevard. I would wear my bikini top in when I was 13

and go-go boots and a skirt and the guy would always sell me cigarettes and that's how I got booze. And then beer in high school, I think we had a plug. Like I think somebody's brother got us beers and And then you'd go to the nightclub. We'd go to like Helter Skelter, the goth club, park in the parking lot across the street, drink our beers in the parking lot,

and then go into the club with a fake ID. I went into a liquor store in Boston. I was visiting my sister who was going to school there. And I go to the liquor store and I put all the beer and everything on the counter. And the guy was like, ID, and I handed it to him. He laughed and handed it back, goes, get the fuck outta here. I was like, what?

Did you even get the beer? No, he was like, get outta here. But that's also a fake ID town because Boston is a massive college community. They have 61 colleges and universities in the greater Boston area. So they're used to underage kids trying to yeah, he was like get the fuck out of here, dude Yeah, Oh seven and seven and then

Cosmopolitans Sex in the city came out and then all the girls were drinking they're like pink foofy drinks And you get you get fucking shitty on these a few times and then you're done with the Cosmo face. I had my first martini last year. Really? I'd never had a martini. Those are good. They're not sweet.

Never had one. It's not sugar. Sugar is what gives you the big, big hangovers. I'll tell you what I am into. Genitonic. I like Genitonics with Hendrix and Monkey 47. What about Porosos? Yeah, but that's vodka though.

Vodka and tonic. Yeah, but that's, the one that I like for vodka is you do osos, a little soda water, a little bit of simple syrup, and then the muddled cucumbers with mint, because that's like a refreshing drink. That's perfect. I think that's kind of like, what's it called, like a vodka sour or a Tom Collins, like it's a version of that. But what's the other one that I,

oh, I like espresso martinis. I can't do that. I like that. I don't want to get jacked and drunk. It's like, remember when- I like coffee, so it's like that taste is so good to me. I know, but I have bad memories of doing Red Bull vodkas in the early aughts.

And then you'd be out playing video games, drunk as shit at three in the morning. We can have an espresso martini day here, guys. We should do that one day. Hell yeah. Yeah, sounds good to me. Poor Osos on the rocks with just some lime is so good. And it doesn't have that burning shit.

No, it's good stuff. It's just like clean, so good. Yeah, but you know what I, you know, at the end of my drinking career, it was just cuz all you know stuff is like I can't do it I know I can't metabolize this shit can't drink too much cuz then this happens I want a button for a bathroom that just plays the purge noise the klaxon Whenever you have to shit. It's good. I didn't went around knows you have to shit. So everyone around knows you have shit. Her foofies are real bad.

It's bad. Yeah. Why are they all black? They are rotten. They're rotting and that's probably gonna affect her brain soon. Oh yeah. Yeah, it'll go to your brain.

The rot? Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah, you can't. She's got serious decay going on in there. What does she want the sound of? The purge?

The purge when she has to shit or after she shit. Yeah, everybody knows she's shitting. She's a big girl. There's no fucking mysteries. She's not quiet at all. They're all like, oh, we know what happened in there. And by the way. We don't need a sound effect.

No, they know. And I know when you shit, because, oh my God, the other morning you were in there, and I've noticed this about you, but I haven't articulated it, is that you're always like, ah, ah. Like you make grandpa sounds when you're shitting. It feels good.

You make sounds when things feel good. What is wrong with you? You know? You're not embarrassed to make. Somebody rubs your scalp, you go, ah. Eat something good, mm, take a nice shit, ah. That's what you do, that's your sound. And you do it out loud, I'm right next to you.

You're not embarrassed that I would hear you go, ah. Mm-mm, no, I want you to know that I feel good in there. Oh, I noticed. I just, I don't know, I guess we're built different though. Feels good. You pull on my bean bag. Okey dokey. I do that, but I don't know.

I think I'd be embarrassed if I made a sound like that. Absolutely not. It's very cool. Peachy break. Yeah, I got a whiz too. Oh, that is pretty. And we're back and it's time to explore the marginalized community. Yes! Can't fucking wait.

Let's see what you got for us today. Let's do it. How are you two looking for me? Oh, yeah! Woo! Bitch, here I come! Oh, here I go. I'm about to enter a world where anything is possible Once you come with me

Come into the portal of instant manifestation. Okay. Let's go. Is it ash Wednesday? Is that why that's on her forehead? I Think it's a birthmark. Oh, okay Well, why don't you want to go into the fucking portal? Well, anything is possible. I think that's cool. You don't wanna make manifestations happen now? Usually, drugs are involved with something like this, but- She doesn't look high? She doesn't look high. I think she just has-

Birthmark. No, not a birthmark. I think she has a severe mental illness. No. Yeah. Why don't you open your fucking mind? To another portal? Yeah.

Where anything is possible. What is wrong with you? You're so closed-minded How do you know she has that crazed look in her eyes for sure? Yeah, babe. She's very disturbed You know what you and I this is where we digress we go different directions I'm all into this now. Okay. I want to see the portal Wow. Oh shit The balls to play this music and do the slow turn. It's kind of tight, right?

Yeah. I suppose it's like, oh, that part is tight. Damn. That's how you can pull it. Nice. That was. Okay, so hold on, it's got. We can get my mother this haircut.

Oh, we should. It's got V-shaped bangs, high above the ears, and then a sweet, long rat tail. But a thick one. It's not a little tail. It's not a rat tail, then. It's not a real tail. It's like a...

It's like a fox tail. A pony rat. Yeah. Yeah. That looks so good. That is so horrendous. Shout out to whoever did that. I didn't think anything could be that bad, but you did it Yeah, that's real dog shit. Yeah This yellow one is tequila reposato. And this other red one is tequila blanco.

Make sure you ask for this because they only have a limited amount on board. And you do keep it at $65. They're all sealed, you can see. Okay, you don't have to. That's 100 milliliters, that's three and a third ounces. So it's some Disney dorks that are telling you about a secret menu item. These two retards spend money at Disney everything. And they're childless, so again, low IQ adults with no children, going to fucking Disneyland

and eating and drinking all this sugar loaded crap. And they're so pumped to give Disney their money. It's ridiculous. Every post is like, we just spent, we bought the limited edition mug. Yeah, they love it. It's like, what are you doing? Yeah, some people, you know,

they get excited about different things and this one is as dumb as it gets. So congratulations. Absolutely fucking stupid. So dumb. Yeah. Oh, so this is a real place. One of the special things about Helen Harmonies

is when you brush your hair, who doesn't like having their hair brushed Oh, so this is a real place That actually seems awesome Yeah, so I don't have hair but if I could lay in that and have a scalp massage Yes, so I love these two women so much I DM them and I was like, I love everything about this. Where is it, in London? Fuck, I forget. It's in the UK, right? Yeah, it's not around us.

Right, that was in the Mace. I know, and they were like, yeah, if we open in Austin, I'm like, please, you just lay in a hammock and somebody brushes your hair? That's pretty rad. This is a good find. Congratulations, one of the only upsetting, non-upsetting TikToks you've found. Really cool. You're welcome. That's a great idea. Congratulations. One of the only upsetting non upsetting TikToks you've found. Really cool.

That's a great idea. Oh, stick nation. I'm in Boston, Massachusetts. I just found this stick. It's got some magical shield properties to it for sure. As you can see, the display here can cast magical wards and spells around it. It could also be used as a type of spinning device of some sort and in a pinch you can turn it into an umbrella. Whoa This is my stick. Thank you stick nation. I mean, that's a pretty kick-ass stick dude. That is pretty cool I don't know that it can fend off evil spirits. What is wrong with you today? But it is it's just from us official stick reviews

evil spirits. What is wrong with you today? But it is, it's just from official stick reviews. Um, that is very cool. You don't believe in the spirit world, you don't believe in alien portals. What the fuck, dude? Do I even know you anymore? Okay. Nothing like a box of little deppy honey buns. Oh, I guess we have Disney adults doing food reviews now. I've never had those. Have you had those honey buns? She seems to like them very much. They look frozen and then you're supposed to heat them up. Her face looks frozen. Yep. There's something going on there. Yeah. Something dead inside. I like racking honey buns. Okay. What? Oh my god.

This is a lady at a buffet? Look at this guy. The fuck? Just keep watching. I am watching. Keep it. This guy's just staring at the camera. Okay. You could look like this. Yeah, I definitely think this could be me. Yeah.

Now she's getting a pedicure, a manicure, and he's following her there. He's having a good time. He watches her eat. There's the food. This is really well put together. Thanks for flagging this. I think we understand what the food is. Well hold on, you don't understand what's happening here. 30 second shot of the food. So that's her on the phone. Do you sense a theme here?

Is that he really likes videoing her. Her. Yeah. It's an entire account that this guy just film dedicates to her filming her. You know what's cool is that reality is what you make of it and in his mind he's hit a home run. Yeah of course. He's in heaven. Of course. He's like yeah of course I document this. Why don't you take a little lesson from him? What do you mean? I'm just saying you could worship me a little bit more. You could take videos of me lovingly a little bit more. What's wrong? Have you ever felt discriminated against during travel? I recently hosted 13 plus

size travelers in Thailand and unfortunately during our trip we were discriminated against. No! As a fat black woman that's traveled extensively through Southeast Asia and Thailand specifically. I was able to give my travelers the heads up that they were more than likely gonna experience some fat phobia during our trip. What I wasn't expecting was that the company that we hired to give us a tour

through Bangkok's floating market would be the source of the fat phobic comments. Bangkok's floating market is a historical and cultural site that I was super excited for my travelers to experience, which is one of the reasons why it was a highlight as I built the itinerary. My travelers were super excited to visit the floating market, but I could feel the mood shift as soon as we started to get on the boats. I make sure that all of the companies that I work with are aware that my clients and I are all plus-size travelers so that hopefully that can minimize the shock and awe when we

arrive. After the tour I checked in with all of my clients and unfortunately one of them was called some disturbing names in English by one of the boat staff. In response we declined to give a tip and contacted the one of the boat staff. In response, we declined to give a tip and contacted the management of that boat company. I've also decided not to bring my clients back to the floating market. What would you do if this happened to you? Let me know in the comments.

Wish we could hear a little more detail about the comments. Like what did they call it? Yeah. I have a feeling, I mean, look, you're in another culture. They are not as sensitive as we are. And then and Thai people are small. They're built like a very slender build.

So to see like big American women, it's going to be shocking. There's probably a lot of, oh, yeah. The market closed early today. Yeah, they weren't in Japan, babe. You want more pleasure? That's more of this, isn't it? You eat all the food here? We no shop because there's no food left for you.

You're so fat and so black. We never see so black fat like you before. Exactly what they said to them. Exactly. They're like, oh, you're very big. American football player. Like, no, we're women. A linebacker. You play for cowboy. And I know it because I've, like when I was in Korea, they were like, oh, you're too big. Like they thought I was too big.

Cause I was like, I think I went to shop for a bra or something and they're like, oh no, no big size for you. And I was like, thank you. So they just do, they just laugh at you in your face. So fat. Oh, you're so big. Why you so big? You never stop to eat. You eat all the day.

Exactly. And then they laugh. Of course. Yeah. Of course. It's really fun. Yeah. Yeah.

These saltwater crocodiles in Indonesia have apparently learned how to pretend to be drowning to lure humans in who they view as prey who they then obviously ate That's fucking awesome, right that's incredible. Yeah Who by who sees a Croc drowning and goes I got to get in there. Well, they don't think it's a croc They might think it's people because they're just they're on their back with the hands up Like if you see the look at it, no, I'm serious. That's what they're trying to do look like hands to me Yeah, yo, this motherfucker's smart. Oh, yeah, he's imitating people see yeah

You know if you don't know that the crocs in there you might think that's a human I bet some weird hands on that motherfucker. I know Shit, I might think it's a human and jump in really I'm like it's a kid in there Like I if I didn't know there were crocs that is so crazy. I would think it's a human and jump in. Really? I might be like, is a kid in there? If I didn't know there were crocs in the water. That is so crazy. I would think it's like a kid or a severely disfigured person. This must have happened, by the way, a few times. Like, look at that.

That looks like a hand. Yeah. Oh, no. Oopsie. Crocs, like dumb motherfuckers. I don't even understand how he got those five fingers like what what is that? What on a croc could look like that? Those are croc paws The croc the croc paw has the same mentality as those Thai people He's a fatty, but look at the fat man jump in the water

We eat you now fatty You're the fat man jumping in the water. We eat you now, fatty. Oh, come here. Okay, that's awesome. Yeah, luring in the tourists. Ahoy there, Italia. I be hearing that somebody named John

wanted to give you a little message. Ah, matey, the sea be vast, but every day be a chance to chart the course worth we'll remember in. I'll be grateful that our ships be crossing, but not for our treasures, maybe of gold. Okay, she sounds like she comes from the Burt School of Impressions. He does similar accents. Yeah. school of impressions he does similar accents yeah I've never heard him doing accents. Oh it's really bad. How is this a fucking four minute video how long this bitch talks like this for this long? She's from retarded Ireland. Okay. Different country.

Oh my god, please. It's so long. You don't have to play it all. But nothing's in your way, cause the hands are tied. Okay. What? Thanks a lot for that. What?

Real nice treat. You're welcome. Appreciate it. I thought you'd like her. So, Bad Thoughts comes out May 13th. And don't forget, The Two Bears 5k is May 4th in Tampa, Florida. 5,000 miles. I'm on tour, thompsagirl.com slash tour for tickets.

Buy my lip shits. Lip shits are on sale for Christine. My eyeglasses are so dirty. Every time I put them on, just filth. That was a horrible video. I need new ones. My prescription is up. Thank you guys for watching.

Thank you for listening and we'll see you next week. Bye mommy. I ain't feelin' like this. You like those uncircumcised cocks as I recall? Sure, sure. Yeah, beautiful dick. Tastes good. Tastes good. You got any cum in those balls? That was a stupid question.

Who's cum in those balls? Yeah, you know, you got some cocks. I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I I'm Yeah, you like uncircumcised guys as I recall.