Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Tom Is Home Here Now | Your Mom's House Ep. 850

Episode Date: March 11, 2026

SPONSORS: - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/YMH. - Shop plans at https://MINTMOBILE.com/mom. - Go to https://helixsleep.com/YMH for 27% Off Sitewide. This week on Your Mom’s House, Tom returns home from LA after filming Bad Thoughts and jumps right back into the madness with Christina. "Two mommies, one jean" for a reason, as the two catch up and break down another stack of insane internet clips. This episode has everything YMH fans want: Tom's still mostly clean face, Christina’s glamping adventure with the boys, park squirrel bite updates, hamster hospice trauma, Squatty Potty scandal talk, horny blacks, hornier grandmas, and a parade of deeply disturbed cool guys. Plus Tom gets a welcome back batch of clips featuring people getting hurt and the Main Mommies discuss the ethics of the shoes in the house, and whether it's a race thing or just a clean person thing. Your Mom’s House Ep. 850 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:24 - Wilderness Survival 00:07:20 - Opening Clip: Master Of Accents - Homeless Edition 00:17:32 - Whole Milk & Meth 00:21:34 - Squatty Potty Creator + Shoes In The House 00:28:01 - Squirrel Bites & Hamster Hospice 00:33:01 - Kinky Unc 00:41:05 - Tour Date Plugs 00:43:33 - Clip: Noodle Leg Aura 00:46:30 - Horrible Or Hilarious 00:53:30 - Freaky Old Lady 00:57:30 - TikToks 01:05:34 - Closing Song - "Hillary Clinton Ate My A55hole" by Koster Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. And we're back. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. Welcome back. In the building. Back from Laleezy. What do you think? Oh, you already got your croissant. How much did you miss that flavor, saver, taster? Oh, my God. I just got in and first thing that day was come with Tuchabamba croissants. Of course.

I haven't even had this since I got back. Of course. They're so good. Look at you. face is like naked. I know. I'm sure the viewers are freaked out right now. I am. Well, people, yeah, they remind me a lot of how much they don't like my face. They're like, grow your shit back.

It's growing. It's growing. Doesn't that feel good? Yeah, when people tell you, they're like, what's up? Your face? Yeah, you look stupid. Fucking duney. Man, your face is what's fucked up.

I know. Thanks. Can I tell you since you've been gone, though, I've really now have more of appreciation for YMH. just because like I love the shit that we play and do on this show like this world and like

it's two mommy's one gene it is it's never one mommy in both the legs do you know what I mean it's always two mommy's one pair right and I'm glad you're back

I'm glad to be back I missed you it's fun doing the show too it's so fun there's so much crazy shit happening and it's fun to be in studio I know. Yeah.

Hi, guys. Hi, Tom. What's up, bro? How you doing, Tom? I missed you guys. I missed you, too, bud. Sorry I came in so hot today. It's okay.

You did. You came in on a mission. You're like, let's go. Well, I was late. You were on your tardy and you felt anxiety. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

It was no other reason other than being late. And I put big, like, giant and, like, neon signs above the studio. You're just like, let's go. Yeah. Let's go. I'm like, you didn't see that. You're like,

what are you talking about? Let's go. I still don't know what we're talking about. We're the signs. They're so good. They're right outside of the studio. Really? Mm-hmm.

I did not. I was just like, we got to go. Well, now we mentioned it. Do you want to tell the audience? Sure. I mean, yeah, over the past couple weeks at home on nights, I've been learning circuitry and woodworking. And so we've wanted to put studio signs above the studios for the longest time.

And our studios are named Studio EPS. FGT and studio RTD. Wow. There's a giant FGT and RTD signs. That's really cool. Both studios. Your jeans are so high and tight right now. I'm so proud of you, man.

So high and tight. And I'm impressed. Thank you. I'm impressed. Thank you. Yeah, it's been fun. That's very cool. It's such a great use of his time.

I like that he did it in his spare time, too. That's what our son's going to be doing. Woodworking. Oh, my kids, our kid, our kid, not my. kid is so into woodworking. Yeah, he's always like, I made this thing. It's so rad. What is it? He's like, it's a pencil sharpener, but you can also use it as a hammer. Which one liked Minecraft? Ellis. Yeah. And he's into the building stuff. Get him a circuitry set. That's basically

Redstone. Shut the front door. Where do I get that shit on Amazon? Yeah. Yo. Just look up circuitry, like, starter set. Can I tell you? Oh, I'll get it. Can I tell you what I did with these boys? We went glamping last weekend? Glamping? It's like camping, but like fancy. It's that white people shit. Yeah, yeah. White people should. White people should, yeah. Which I've never, I've never been camping before. Like, that doesn't exist. Anyway, I bought them survival kits from Amazon.

And I mean real ones with like axe, an axe, a knife, a flint, a tent. Hell yeah. And they, all they did was start fires for two days. That's all I saw was this videos of fires. With an axe, bro. It was the coolest thing ever. And I couldn't feel prouder as like a Slavic mom. Like, this is what little boy should do.

And then I watch them... I fucking love it. Watch the extraction show. Yeah. That's why we were into survival. Yeah. And then the guy was like, couldn't make a fire. And they were like, look at this fucking chump.

Can't make a fire. This guy's a loser. I was like, yep, it's good. It's so hard to make a fire. Have you tried? No, I haven't. It's... Because you can get a spark, right?

If you have like an axe and then the flint. But you have to do it so rapidly that the sparks catch on the Tinder. I watched the episode with them where for this show that people don't know people are out in the wild in wilderness and then their friends and family are watching them and they all kind of

communicate about what the status of the person in the wilderness and they do these drops of like supply drops supply drops so this one guy they're like man he's hungry and everybody kind of agrees to let him get something good

so they drop off a slab of meat like a steak, a fat steak. That's for Woody. Did Woody get it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Woody's lazy piece of shit. Well, this fucking guy gets a steak and he's hungry. He's really hungry. And it's like a cast iron skillet with the steak. So he's like, well, I guess I got to try to make a fire, you know, to cook the steak.

And they show him trying for like a minute. He's like, fuck that. Can't make him make a fire. And then so then the guy watching remotely is like, well, I've had beef. Carpacho, you know, he'll just, I guess he's just going to eat that shit raw. He's starving. He's really hungry. And they cut to Woody. He's like, I'm going to throw the steak in the lake. And he just walks down the lake and throws it in the lake. Woody. And everyone's like, no. He's like, well, you know, fucking no fire. That's how some people operate. I guess I'm starving. I guess I'll starve to death.

A lot of people operate. Well, just so you know, so Woody in the first few episodes, so you know when you're in the wilderness, you have to boil the water from the river before you drink it. Sure. Otherwise, you get violently ill. So Woody, in like episode one's like, well, can't build a fire, I'm sure I'm thirsty. And he goes to the river and he just see him gulping, like he drank like a gallon of this water.

And of course, cut to him puking violently. He's so sick. He just can't. Why couldn't he make a bigger effort to start that fire though? And he's law enforcement. He comes from like the law enforcement. I mean, he had kindling, he had all the things. He was just like, well, that's just no fire.

He just gave up immediately. I know. That's why I bought my children a seven and ten-year-old survival kit. And I was like, if these retards can't figure out how to do fire. Well, they are retards. Lady. I go, there's no way. There's no fucking way that these idiots, my children are smarter than these fucking retards.

They are. Fully retarded. And are, my seven-year-old can light a fire. and this asshole can you believe that literally our two children and you know what I did too what I did too what I bought a solo stove for our backyard so that they can continue learning to light and and play with fire great a couple little arsonists great idea um all right let's start to show you ready to do this here we go here here you go everybody I have a trip forward to you uh two forward you uh you everybody I'm waiting off my um business from her grandfather

I appreciate it for cash half. I'm dog side, 2 o'clock, 31. For food, we're having food. I'm in my head. And I just relax in today. Sunday, God bless you, my name is Jesus Christ. I pray to name is Jesus Christ.

Stop. Stop. You're Satan. This is Satan. Holy man. Don't bring anyone mother's miss. Your mom in the fucking stand. Welcome.

The worst person. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Sigura, Tom Sitzik. And Christina Pizzis, Welcome to your mom's house. Paul Schaefer. Remember? Hey, everybody.

I'm a trip for you. Remember Paul Schaefer? I appreciate it for cash up on the doorside, two, four, three weeks. You're the devil. I can't believe. God bless you, my name is this a price. he's like begging for food food and money yeah

food and money yeah and Christ Jesus Christ yeah what um is he American or like is it Irish

no he's Saudi yeah he's a fucking American yeah of course Alu yeah yeah he's American but why can't we understand him did he have stroke?

Because he's done things no That's not just drug use. He's, well, like, maybe years of it. Let's play it again. I got to study it. All right. Hey, everybody, I have a trick for you.

I have a trick for you. I'm in Florida. Hey, buddy, I got a trick for you. You got a trick for you. I'm in Florida. I'm waiting for my business trip for my grandfather. Fuck. The Griffin business trip for my grandfather.

I got this trip from my grandfather. I appreciate it for Cash App. I appreciate Cash App. Yeah. Oh. I'm trying to chooseport for my grandfather. A dollar sign. No, and I can chop free wood.

Oh, I can chop, oh. Cash app, I can chop free wood? Yeah. Huh. Let me see. Two four three wood. Oh, free wood. Two, four, three wood.

I got a four got. I got a four got. I got a four got. I got a four got. Oh. Suddenly, God bless you. My name is Jesus Christ. Okay.

I have. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Get some helpful food. If you're just, I pray amen. Pray amen. He prayed. I have cheese and it's cheddar.

He's telling you and he likes cheese. At this point, who's Satan though? Is it me or is it you? No, it's you. It's you because you brought it to attention. I would laugh at this privately. I might send this to you privately. I don't know if I'd play this.

But see, that's why we're good people. Because everyone is sending this shit to each other and they're like, it's not okay to do this in public. And what this show does is it lets you know, do it in public. You can laugh in public. the less. Don't be shamed. Don't be shamed. When it comes to hair loss products, it can feel like all of your money has gone down the drain without seeing any results. With Hymns, you're not just

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That's Helix Sleep. dot com slash ym h for 27% off site wide make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you helix.com slash ymh can i tell you what i saw on my walk yesterday in the park what dude i saw a guy in a wheelchair like an old guy like his nurse was pushing him and you laughed well here's the thing yeah he was wearing a blanket even though it's like 80 degrees like that's that elderly yeah but dude he had like crust on his face like why do old people get carbuncles Carbuncles? You know what I'm saying?

Like the shit that's on ships? Barnacles? Barnacles. Well, what's a carbuncle? Something you made up. It's a better word. I like carbuncle. I mean, this guy's probably looking to get a carbuncle if you ask him.

Hey, man, I can't send you to cash app right now. You're right. Oh, my God. You're right. How did I know that? How did you know that? I don't think so. That's crazy.

Well, a carbuncle is a painful deep seat of, cluster of infected hair. How the fuck did you know that? I don't know. I don't. I channeled it from Jesus. I have no idea. Coming on the back, neck or thighs, it caused red swollen lumps, fever, and fatigue. Treatment includes warm compresses, antibiotics, sometimes surgical drainage. Filled with pus. Ugh. But like, why don't they scrape that shit off of their faces? Why don't they take the barnacles off the faces of old people? You know why? You know why? Why? Because you know you're about, it's about over.

So you just go, just let it go. I don't care anymore. Can I make you a promise as your spouse? Yeah. I won't let your face get crusty. Carbuncles? They won't let those carbuncles for. Thank you.

Now you promise me. Hello. What? No, now you say, I love you too. I will scrape the carbuncles off of your face. I haven't had a croissant. God damn you. In so long.

It's so delicious. God. It's delicious. It doesn't love me. I love you so much. He doesn't love me at all. You know how it's sad at it? I'm the dog and he's the cat.

I love you. I love you. Good. So good. So I go to the way for a motel. I have John Pard and you and Joe Joe Joe from the Middle-Ans. And we are root 13 in our own amounts to our businesses. And I talk to the manager.

She said, no, you're not. Yes, I am. And you owe me trust me. I did understand that he talked to the manager. And I think she accused him. with trespassing. Is that, is that right? Why do I love this shit so much?

Because it's fun to try to decipher things in your native tongue. Well, the Killarney drunk was harder in a way. But then now I'm thinking this guy is more difficult because it's our, like you said, it's our... This is American. Yeah, I still can't understand this. But he did say the manager accused him with trespassing, right? Is that what he said at the end?

Anybody? No. Oh, the mountains, she was all the business. And I talked to the manager. She said, no, you're that. Yes, that him. You're trespassing. Don't do that.

You're going to be trespassing. The manager said, yes or I said, no, I'm not. Yeah. What's a really interesting conversation? He was probably passing those out. And the manager was like, you better fucking not. Oh, because he's probably into God. Is he passing out God stuff?

Maybe God stuff had a business. Manager was like, no, no, no. You can't not be in here doing that. I hate, can I tell you what I hate the most on men besides carbuncles on your face? What? Is when their mouths get all. crusty like that. You like it on women?

Women tend not to have this issue. Oh, because they take care of their lips more. And their faces. What is that foam in the corners? Maybe he lives on the street. You can wipe your mouth on your sleeve. Yeah, I know, but it's not a problem. You think he has mirrors?

No, but you can feel when your face is all gross. I don't think he can feel his face. I think his face is doing its own thing. Okay? Jesus. What's wrong with you? Let's make something, let's cleanse our palate real quick. That was good for me.

I don't need it. Three cheers for whole milk. Ugh. Ugh. Good stuff. That's a real, that's a real ad. I love it. I love this.

Is there a weirder thing that is genuine that has been released? I love it so much. That's Ben Carson just being like, drink milk. And then he's like, It has Have you seen the We're On It campaign from the lady that just got fired from the Trump administration? Chrissy Noam. Yeah, she was the prime leader of South Dakota at one point.

Look this up. The prime leader. It's the prime supreme minister. Are you talking about a governor? Who cares? It's the same shit different toilet. Okay. Look at her.

So they had a meth problem in South Dakota. Hold on. Press pause. Let me set this up. So they had a meth problem. problem in South Dakota. Shout out to Brian Simpson for showing me this last night, by the way. Okay.

So she decided to start a campaign. She spent millions of dollars. And the slogan, the slogan is, meth, we're on it. I swear to God, this is real. Go ahead. I'm on meth. I'm on meth.

I'm on it too. So am I. So am I. I'm on meth. Meth is not someone else's problem. It's everyone in South Dakota's problem. And we need everyone to get on it. I'm on it. I'm on it. I'm on it, too.

Isn't that the stupidest thing you've ever seen? You think anyone told them what that meant? Like as they were doing this? No. Hey, it sounds like you're saying you're on it. Yeah, we are. We're on top of it. Yeah, we're on top of it.

That's what it means. We're taking care of it. Yeah, that's perfect. Isn't that amazing? Yeah, that's perfect. Just like that. This is how stupid we are. Three cheers for whole milk. It's real.

This is what we are doing now. Good stuff. It's the grossest. It's like a... Good stuff. Eric and Tim, awesome show. Yeah, it totally is. Yeah.

And you can hear them go... Oh, that's the worst. Like, they didn't mix that out of it. They're like... Let me hear it again? It's so strange. It's disgusting. Cheers for whole...

milk listen and then he gets the mustache yeah good stuff see yeah it's like a joke good stuff yeah this could be on seminary it's totally this is horrible well certainly makes people want milk who is this man dr ben carson didn't he run for president at one point yeah he did yeah oh wow well he does have i guess it's good yeah tastes like mucus though milk doesn't it taste the grossest I hate drinking milk taste like shit tastes like fucking yeah doesn't it just taste like a cup of hot I never like milk ever not even as a kid no I don't know why are they telling us to drink cups of fat I guess if you're if you're malnourished yeah it's it is maybe from meth

drink the milk to salt your mouth drink milk drink milk drink milk We're on it. I just trying to milk. Oh, milk. Cash out. I said milk. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty crazy.

Trump, I based every cognitive test because I drink milk. Jesus Christ. So insane. This world is just Oudyocracy. Remember that Mike Judge movie? Of course. That was prophetic.

Yeah. How about this? Go ahead. This is such. Such a disappointment. The Squatty Potty creator is a chomo. No. Can you believe that?

I hate that. Robert Edwards, the 50-year-old entrepreneur from Ivan's, Utah, original co-founder of the Squatty Potty, federally indicted on allegedly receiving child abuse material. Great, great. Yeah.

It's really nice. And I wonder how Squatty Potty owners feel at this point. I'm against it. There he is. There he is. There he is, squatting and potting. Man. Oh, he's got that, yeah, that weird face.

Yeah, man, oh, the stash. Oof. I got to tell you, nothing is less attractive than a man sitting on a squatty potty. Oh, you don't like that? I find it to be so demeaning and diminishing. Do you see a lot of men on the squatty party? No, but Rob Eiler confessed to having one in his home, and that when a girl comes over, he doesn't move the squatty potty away from the toilet.

Like, if you had a lady coming over, you'd move your squatty party. Wouldn't you be ashamed of it? Yeah, I'd move a lot of it. of toilet stuff. Yeah, you try to be like, I don't even use the toilet. Of course. But you know what he... The craziest part about that was that he said he washes it in the shower. What? In the shower. Rob does? Yes. He washes. Like he washes, he cleans the squatty potty in the shower. Why do you clean the squatty potty? If he has company coming over. If a lady's coming over, he doesn't get rid of the

squatty potty, he puts it in the shower, cleans it off and then puts it back so that it looks clean. How dirty You don't shit on the actual squatty pot. No, but you put your feet on there. Look, this dirt bag has his shoes on in the house Which is fucking disgusting in my opinion. Do black people wear shoes in their house? What?

What? Some cultures take their shoes off. Is that a black thing? I mean, if you got carpet, probably not. I don't know what kind of question. Because I just want to know culturally. You're thinking about Asians and stuff? I'm just thinking different.

No. No, because Asians famously remember. Asians take their shoes off. Eastern Europeans take their shoes off to Latins take their shoes off? Hmm You just wear your filthy shoes like track shit everywhere like just clean niggas fucking don't have shoes on that's what I was gonna say It's not about right you're just a dirty motherfucker if you got shoes not in the house you shouldn't be tracking your shit through the house Do you got shoes on in the house?

Never okay well there you go see that hungarians have puppets you put on your slippers when you're in the house you take off all your clothes actually change into home clothes so you don't bring in the filth in Yeah, outside clothes. It's disgusting. But some people, dirty Americans, I'm telling you. Right? Yeah, walk all over. Zolo, did your family take shoes off in the house? Definitely not.

You walked around? Yeah. Ugh. Yeah. Right, thank you. Oh, man. Thank you. How come you don't feel repulsed by this?

I mean, I'm just, by what, though? Wearing shoes in your own home. I don't like it. I don't like it. Oh, okay. I don't like wearing. Did the saguras wear shoes? I'm trying to remember if it was emphasized that much.

I feel like there were shoes in the house a lot. I feel like there were. Then you, then Latins are dirty. I don't know if that, Peruvians are dirty. I don't know if that speaks for all. Yes, it's cultural.

Your mother's from Peru. Yeah, but I don't know. Look it up. Look up Latin America shoes in the house. I feel like it's definitely an era thing too. Like an Arab thing? Era. Oh, like Arabs too.

They take their shoes off. Yeah, they don't. No, Arabs are clean. Very clean. But yeah, because I feel like a long time. I mean, we didn't even know what the fuck germs were like whatever back then. See? We slept on dirt.

Most of Latin America, people keep their shoes on inside the house. But here's the thing. Here's the thing that this is not pointing out. Most Latin American households have hardwood. Mades. Whoops. Okay. You have a little Implada who's right behind you.

What is she called? Implada. Aww. That was cute. So you go, oh, I track stuff, and they're like, it's okay. Being right behind you. Yeah. Yeah.

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Let's see Yeah, you're right Because in Eastern Europe You don't have a fucking maid You're the maid Maybe that's why And here's the thing See how it says

Caribbean Latin countries Those are like beach cultures So it's usually like People are wearing flip flops And they're barefoot a lot You know Yeah They're all primitive

Same thing with Brazil Brazil But most people switch to house sandals It says yeah Yeah House sandals Yeah How sandals

What about What about the other way around Like if you go out on your patio or balcony or whatever, do you ever just barefoot it? Sometimes. Yeah? But I do have a pair.

I have outdoor shoes that I prefer to put on. Yeah, you got it. Like, I have a pair of, like, crocs. They're disgusting, but I'll keep them by the door. I feel like it's just as gross to do barefoot outside

as their shoes inside because it's the same shit. Because you're track it there. Yeah, yeah. It's tracking the bullshit. You don't want to track that bullshit. You don't want to track that bullshit. You don't want to track that bullshit.

Can I please talk about something I'm so excited about. Please. The boys and I have been going to the park and feeding the squirrels. It's insane, yeah. We bring whole nuts, not with salted.

They're healthy nuts, okay? Anyway, one of our kids, Ellis, fucking patiently just holds his hand out and up comes a squirrel and eats out of our son's hand. It's crazy. I was like, this is a dream come true. This is fucking insane.

So then he does it a couple times. I got to try this. So I put the nut in my hand. I do the same thing as him. The squirrel comes up on the side of me. And I think he mistakes my thumb for the nut, and he bites my thumb. Now I have a freak out, and I'm like,

and I'm like, oh, fuck, I have a squirrel bite, dude. I got to go get a rabies shot. Like, it was, that little fucker was deep. And you know what it felt like? Like a knife, like a regular butter knife, like the teeth of it. on your thing. Anyway, I don't need a rabies. It turns out the squirrels here don't have rabies.

That's good. But, I mean, have you ever been bitten by a fucking park squirrel? Never. Have you ever heard of anybody even feeding a fucking park squirrel? What a life experience. I know. It's so cool. I was really happy about this for days. So Ellis and I and Julian, we've been going to the park every day. He is a little animal whisperer of that guy. I know. I know. But we managed to go back.

So here's another part of this. So we go back every day around the same time. and lo and behold, a squirrel comes up and Ellis is able to feed it with his hand. And I got to do it successfully without getting bitten. Wow. So now the real question is, is this the same squirrel that we keep feeding? Or a different variety of squirrels. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to spray paint the tail.

What? With safe, we're going to mark it. With safe. Safe spray paint. With squirrel paint. With like hair paint. Squirrel paint? For animals.

Yeah, they have hair dive for animals. Okay. I'm going to spray it and tag it very little, minimally. Tag it. Yeah, to mark it. And then we're going to see if he come. We call him Henry. Uh-huh.

And what would you learn by doing this? To see if we're befriending one squirrel, if it's really Henry, or that my son has magical superpowers and can communicate. With multiple squirrels. With multiple squirrels. Which is fucking crazy. Have you ever known somebody that can just go to a park and hand, feed squirrels.

I have not. It's crazy. It's never come up. It's never happened. No. Yeah. So anyway, there's that. And then I have an animal update too about sweetie.

Last episode, I divulged that I faked the death of our son's hamsters, our kids' hamsters. Because while the animal was actively dying, I didn't want to take them through the trauma of active dying of a hamster. And then a lot of fucking idiots on my comments were like, oh, it could be hibernating. You just killed it. No, you fucking dummies. I know what a hybridating animal looks like. It wasn't hibernating.

It's fucking eyeball fell out. It was rotting. And it died. It's dead. We put it in hamster hospice and lovingly ushered it to the other side. So, sweetie is no longer with us. Eyeball fell out? It fucking fell out.

But you're being real? No, I swear I got it. So, sweetie, I did put in like a hamster hospice situation. Like I gave it to a friend like you suggested. And I was like, how's sweetie doing? And she goes, well, is eyeball? fell out the other day. What?

Yeah. How does an eyeball just fall out? Because you're rotting. You're actively rotting and dying. Rotting people don't have their eyeballs just fall out. I think they do. What do you mean you think they do? I think they do.

I think your fucking shit falls apart when you're rotting. You're decaying. You know of people whose eyes fell out as they were aging. Let's do Google it. No. Yeah. Your body decomposes. Get out of here, dude.

She was dying. Okay. So she's dead. God took her. She's on the other fucking side. I didn't have to bang her head against the brick wall. No, your eyeballs do not fall out when someone is dying. That's for people, you dummy. Do hamsters. How about hamsters? No, hamsters' eyeballs do not fall out when they are dying either. Well, it did. Sweetie's eyeball fell out. What am I supposed to tell you? It's truth. You think I'm fucking making that up? Jesus. Do you know how fucking horrifying that is? That's why I didn't want our kids to watch the hamster die!

its eyeball was going to fall out. I didn't know it's going to fall out, but I was thinking it's pretty gruesome. Let's shelter the boys from a dying hamster. You're psycho, dude. What would you have done? You take it to the vet and have a vet charge you $500 to tell you the fucking thing is dying? No way. Okay, dude. All right. There's no fucking way. Sicking a hamster. Get fucked. You're so crazy. Hamsters suck. I'll never buy another hamster. They don't love you. They don't give a fuck about you. Okay. They're like the elderly. They just fucking suck up resources. I had her trembling. Breath moaning between every sound she couldn't hold back.

I leaned close and whispered. You good, baby? I'm a puke. Yes, Daddy. She breathed out. Oh, I hate the daddy shit. Her lips brush my neck. Hand covering her mouth only makes her moan sound louder.

If you understand what I'm saying, and you follow me this far, drop David in the comments. And hit that like, say, share, and subscribe button. Ugh. What does he have behind him? Is that fishing tackle? I think those are nipple clamps and some masks and ball gags and things. Tom, do his tongue after it. You don't like that?

I like that he was reading, too. Oh, was he? For sure. Got a teleprompter. That was not off the dome. Yeah, that was like he's reading. Daddy, she breathed out. Her lips, brush my neck.

Look at his eyes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Her lips. Brush my neck. Like, no one talks like that. He's reading. Covering her mouth.

I only makes her moan sound louder. Ugh. I can't fucking. I hate it. What? This is like Zane. Remember that pornography? Yeah.

Like, the black pornography author? And he's greased up. He's kind of nice. I mean, I think his body looks really nice. Yeah. How old do you think he is? He's probably in, I would say, somewhere in his 50s. So I think he does have the sexual experience.

I mean, you're always. encouraging me. Yeah. Be like, what if you, this guy, would it? I mean, I think he'd have you trembling. I do. I believe him. I believe him too.

Yeah. You know what? Give it a shot. Are you letting me cheat with this guy? Definitely. What's his name? Do we know? I don't know.

David Parker. There you go. David Parker. He says comment David in my post. Comment. They always tell you to comment stupid things like that. He likes to share. Yeah, see, you didn't have to give me 60 seconds in this thing, man.

Give me 60 seconds. I'll make you come so hard. You'll never want to touch yourself again because you will be begging me for more. Oh, the tongue. Oh, the tongue. The tongue, can I tell you something? Had he not done the tongue? Yeah.

I might have been like, all right, I'm in. I'm buying. Really? The tongue, it was too far. It broke. Would you give them 60 seconds? Yeah. 60 seconds?

He can't do fucking shit to me. I'm old. He's claiming he can. You know what my favorite part about that is? Is that you could make the argument with someone where you're like, you can't do shit. They're like, I'm telling you, 60 seconds is all I need. And then you go, okay, and you give him 60 seconds and nothing happens. And he's like, well, that's cool.

I still got to fuck you for 60 seconds. It's a win-win. And you're like, oh, yeah, I guess you did. like yeah anyway yeah see you later see you later dummy that's true i guess he wins either way he wins for sure smart it's a good racket it totally is it totally is you just figure out his whole thing and you're like there's nothing will happen in a minute he's like you'll see he can come in a minute yeah for sure that's what he's trying to tell you and then in a minute he's like oh give me what the fuck he's like i guess it just didn't work that time

he's like what i'm trying to say is i can come up at 60s i can come in 60 seconds. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I also, apparently, like, even in his bio, it says David's daily wisdom, uplifting messages from David to inspire your soul, strengthen your spirit, and remind you that every day is a chance to grow, which is definitely nothing like

what he just saw. But I think he did start that way, because I've seen comments where people go like, Unk, what's happening? What happened to inspiring people? Because that was the racket. Like three life lessons. Yeah. Like, what's that?

Yeah. Yeah. Once you learn these three life lessons, you will never be the same. One. One. As long as you're alive, no obstacle is permanent. I mean, while you breathe, you can adapt, rebuild, and overcome. Okay.

Two, your struggles are part of your story. The pain you carry becomes the wisdom you share. I mean, these are like, okay, you can put. But, like, that's what he was posting. And then all of a sudden one day he was like, you want to come? Yeah. You know why? But because this is what we always talk about with dudes is that this was his way of getting laid at first.

Right. And he was hiding it. There was a disguise. What probably happened is he ended up, he's got like a good amount of followers. He probably hooked up with one was like, oh shit. I got to put this out there. Yeah. Yeah.

When does it turn? Can we see the first. 164,000 followers. Let's see the first horny post and see like what was going on right. See, first it starts with the outfit. Look, it's the shirt open with a greasy chest. Yeah. Choose freedom over comfort.

So he realizes, oh, the girls like to see me. Uh-huh. What is it about now? It's slow. Oh, look at, do this to your woman. That's pretty wild. Okay, let's see. Let's see.

What just happened to me? My woman came home from the gym looking sweaty and sexy. Mm-hmm. And I grabbed her and I picked up and I put her on the bed. And I told her to hold your knees against your chest. Okay. And I start eating her like a savage and fingering her at the same time. Jesus is very.

With her clitoris and her teeth spot. And she started exploding from the overstimulation. Oh, okay. And I came up slow and I kissed her and it tastes so, so sweet. I'm going to fucking throw up with this guy. Don't share this one. Oh, then there's the big tongue. I think we found the moment.

Eat change. Yeah. Yeah. Eat her like she's your last meal. It's like, hey man, what about overcoming obstacles? Yeah. I thought we were doing life challenges. Yeah, he's like, that she's born. Yeah. Is that the first one? That's an insane leap from like words of wisdom. I want to ask everybody out there, quits. Have you ever wondered why couples lose sexual attraction over time? It's not always cheating. It's not always boring. Psychology says attraction fades when mystery disappeared.

He's reading again. God. He just Googled something and reads it to you. Okay. So it seems like he got into that lane with this one, and then that was his first. And then he was like, I ate a sweaty gym pussy today. Wow. Well, it's such a drastic change.

Uh-huh. Such a drastic change. So cool, man. Well, we look forward to more wisdom. Please keep posting shirtless. And oily. I feel ill now. I was so happy about the score.

Look at his tank top. What is this sexy tank top he's wearing? I crave giving you the kind of pressure that makes your back arch without thinking. Your face burying into a pillow. Breath heavy. Heart racing. I have one hand tangled tightly in your hair. God and you.

Grounded you. Look at that. Firm on your hips From behind Press mute Oh then you exist He says Unk I followed you for the wisdom

Not the freakology And then is everything okay You used to give good advice I'm out bro Like people are like What's going on? Oh my God I have no idea

What I did to get here Ooh No Unk the fishnet tank Yeah the tank is killing me I thought it was a onesie Or is it a leotard Yeah This is a

fucking horrendous. He really made a leap, dude. I can't, please, this makes me feel so sick inside. Okay. Can I plug my fucking tour dates or something? Sure, man. You're making me feel gross. I was so happy. Yeah, go ahead, man. Go back to LA. Jesus. All right, here's what I'm doing, guys. I'm going to do a small show in the red room at Cap City, April 9th, just one little tiny show. And then I'm going to do the punchline in Irving, which is Phallis, Phallis, Texas, April 24th and 25th. And then I'm going to go to Denver to do what club? Comedy Works. Yes, it does.

Comedy and Prayer. That's right. May 14 through 16. And then one, no, two nights in Chicago at the Den Theater in September. Buy our tickets now, Christina P. That's a really fun place. I've done that. You have?

Yeah, the Den's awesome. Is it like in the round kind of? Yeah, kind of like half round. Yeah, it's very cool. That's really neat. Yeah, see, it's like circular stage there. Yeah, I got to say I'm very excited about, the material I'm doing, you know, because I feel like I've had a total life change since I almost

died from cancer. Same with envisaline, yeah. Same. Had my tits cut off and put, it's like, it's trauma really makes you better, you know? These teeth had to go back. Do you feel like that? I do feel like that a lot. Did your jaw realign? Like, are you fixed now? Not completely, but yeah, it's definitely been a huge change for me too. I don't think you should hijack change in life so much. Okay. Also, Oh, buy my lipstick.

I've got the perfect for, the liquid lipstick that is just fucking insane and fun. Yeah, on my website. And then also shouts out to Juliette Lewis for sending me this t-shirt. She did a collab with Wild Fang. That's cool. It's an outfit she sent me.

That's right. She's doing the Rocky Horror Picture Show. In Judort Titties, I will be going there to see it. That's awesome. Yeah, I can't wait to see it. I love the Rocky Horror Show. She's awesome. She's great.

A Chichibamba update. Oh. We have the fairground location. We have a little location now, 101 West 6th Street. So if you're downtown in Austin, you can go to that one. It's like a little walk-up location. And then the main one on Lamar opens in May. So it'll be at least for some time, there'll be three spots you can get them at.

We, oh my God. We're always walking by the one. on Lamar and we always peek in there the boys and I it's gonna be awesome it's so good I can't eat this during the show I know it's tough to resist yeah talk about my legs they don't talk to chicks talk about my height don't talk to chicks see the physique speaks for itself you know what I mean do you step outside looking like the pill's very dope one man listen I tell you guys bro it's not one shit that I won't go up and talk to in person bro you guys look in the mirror and say the same I don't think so bro it's right my or talk right now hold on keep it film her it's gonna let my or talk

He said firma? No. Like strong? ORA. Keep an aura? Let my aura talk. Oh, oh. Like his aura is speaking.

I got it. What's 225? I think it's how much he benches. Shallah. I don't know. It's everywhere though. Good for him. 225, 225, 225, 225.

Uh-oh. I don't know. Or is that as area code? You know, sometimes people do that. People do that a lot too, yeah. I don't know. I don't know if you put it that many times on yourself, but maybe you would.

So I guess people are critical. People are critiquing his legs, and he was like, there's no check I won't talk to. Are his legs good? They're saying they're under, because he's got a developed upper body. A lot of guys have developed upper bodies, and they neglect their legs, you know. Gotcha. They're saying he has skinny legs. Oh, okay.

For the record, I wasn't criticizing you, bro. No. I think you have a very good physique. No, he looks great. You look great. I think he's balanced. I am. Okay.

Looks great. She'll talk to you. I'll talk to you, holler at me, brother. Between him and David, you're going to have yourself your fucking daysful. That only takes 60 seconds. Then I got the rest of the day. You can spend your day with aura. Who would you rather spend the day with?

Who would you rather spend the day with? Well, they're both incredibly full of shit in different ways. So it kind of depends on whose fucking shit you feel. The thing with David is you'd be like, I don't know, man. What do you think about this? And he'd be like, hold on, let me Google that real quick. And he'd be like, the thing is, when people go, he would just start reading you stuff. This guy's nonsense would be exhausting in a different way.

Yeah, he's psychotic. Yeah, yeah. He's just like. He's talking in circles all day. Let my aura do the talking is some real crazy shit. Or he's just like, you feel me? You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. They would both wear you out, though.

So fast. Oh, my God. So fast. Yeah. No, this guy would be nonsense. He would not be enlightening conversations, you know. No, it would be torture on both ends. At least this guy won't try to have sex with me.

What are you talking about? No way. The black guy would go for me because I'm his age. This guy would be repulsed by me, so that would be off the table. No, but he would be like, you know, well, my nuts are full right now. Oh, yeah? Well, that's 2-25. Yeah, 2-25.

You can get a little 2-25 action in there. Yeah, he'd still give it to you. Cool. Thanks. I feel better now. But it'd be like a gift to you, though. Of course. Yeah, he'd be like, I'd do you a favor.

You seem like a nice. lady bend over yeah where's some cool girls don't i have some cool ladies for tom i feel like it's not fair i get the cool guys let me see i found a few on tic-tok that i was sending you privately you don't respond there's an old lady who simulates dribbling calm out of her mouth is that on my t-tok jesus christ and the other day she goes this for steve oh i want to do some stunts Oh, yeah. And I tagged him and then he liked it. He did?

He acknowledged it. Yeah, she wanted to do like only fans with him. That was cool. She's really old too. No, she's rad. You think old people? See, this is because we just think old people don't fuck anymore. No, I know they fuck, but like when an old lady's like, I am putting myself on camera to make a living, it does kind of affect me.

Yeah. Yeah, it's not my favorite. She's so old. Let's try to have a giggle real quick, though. Oh, boy. Oh no. It's a new sport. Oh, what?

What is this? It seems like it's like New Zealand or... Yeah, they would, or Aussie football, like, would do this. I mean, this is a really dumb way of seeing no pads, two behemoths running full speed at each other with no protection. I mean, you're seeing people get knocked out and have like seizures. It's great. Can we go to this though? We can go, yeah.

Can I see some more? I'm kind of into it, actually. Let me just see the clip again because I was too horrified the first time. Yeah, that's the new sportly called Run Nation. Run Nation. The intensity of rugby and football hit. Two opponents are 40 yards apart.

There you go. Holy shit. Most players suffer concussions. Yeah, no shit. God damn. Well, because rugby, they don't wear a ton of padding, do they? They're both knocked out. I just saw this thing where this, I guess, a physicist

was, you know, in football you run 40 yards. It's like a measurable. They always clock, like, who run, the speed with which you run 40 yards. So like the super, super fast guys run like 4.3, you know, sometimes below 4.3, but that's, like, super elite. And then, you know, as guys get a little heavier, they'll run 4, 4, 4, 5, which is still super fast. Then really big guys, like 300 plus pound guys, you know, they don't run as fast. There was a guy that ran, he ran the 40-yard dash in like 4-8, and he was 315 pounds, which is, that's moving for a guy that size.

And the physicist broke down the amount of force generated from that, right? He did the whole calculation. He basically said that it's equivalent to somebody dropping, like if that were to hit you, 350 pounds at that speed, that's the equivalent of somebody dropping. dropping 1,600 pounds one meter. So like basically three, like that's what it would feel like. And you're like, that is so much force. Force equals mass times acceleration.

And then you see this and you're like, that's what's happening here. Yes, mass accelerators. That's what they say the NFL hits are like car accidents, you know, like that's the equivalent to a car accident, which. That's fucking crazy. It's really crazy. You know, when people are like,

there's no difference between men and women. Yeah. Now the cool thing is if they did this with women, did this with women, they would die. I die. But only boys, boys are so, like, men are the, women would never do this. I know. You would never see two chicks.

Why? It's just not in our nature. Well, no. Because we're dumb and stupid. There you go. Because we're the dumb ones. Here's the, this is for you. Here you go.

Oh, it's a forklift. Forklift safety, man. Yeah, man. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. People get into a lot of forklift accidents. You got to tell them. man you got to do safety training i'm serious can't just get on that thing and think this is going to happen

no dude they're fucking dangerous i'm telling you oh that's not good that's a bad country you put a crab on that guy's balls or something that's something he hooked it onto his nuts that's rad yeah hi hi hi hi hi that's a foreign yell for my nuts yeah yeah no it's like a chip clip It's pretty cool. Hi. Uh-oh. This is not good. Is this Russian?

Nope. I fucking knew it! He, um, he handled it well. He just was like, fucking ankle. He's like, look at this bullshit. Slavic shit, dude. Yeah.

No, he don't, he's not gonna cry like capacity. Breaking something in a celebration has to feel the worst, dude. That's got to be the lowest feeling you can have. I know. Because you just, it's so much regret when you break something. when you break a bone, the next eight weeks are just spent lamenting that moment before the thing happened.

It's happened in football and basketball too where somebody has been celebrating and like head butted the wall and then they get injured. It's just a guy, you got to feel so dead. This guy's like, why did I do that leave? Oh, is the porta potty? Oh, dude.

He was taking his shit. Oh. he's like oh come on that and they're like just a prank dude yeah he's like

we're just fucking around I think he almost took his head off man Jesus Christ that wasn't a prank that was not that was deliberate this says the operator

decided to smash the while his supervisors was pooping yeah oh my god dude oh ultimately he was terminated yeah

yeah yeah yeah guess you're not allowed to do that Do you know how I love shitting so much, but you know how much PTSD you would have from this? You wouldn't be able to sit down and take a shit. Forever. Forever.

I know. It would scare you so much. So much. That's, uh, oh, there she is. This is a grandma. No, no, no, play it. Tom, this is yours. This one's for you.

She is so horny, dude. You don't think she would be a good time? Uh-huh. You don't like her? Come on. Play some more. Okay, yeah, let's just, yeah. Let's give her 60 seconds.

Just saying hi to my fans. No, that's innocuous. Something saucy. Just saying hi. You know. There we go. There's one laying down. And the mouth.

Come on. There you go. Ugh. She's in her hospital bed. Now go to the one right before it. That one. There you go. I hope you like it.

I hope you like it. Yeah. Well, you're going to get it. I'm rat hard right now. I'm so hard. Smash your pass, bro. Oh, smash. Thousand smashes, yeah.

Do the mouth one. Oh, she's doing the spit thing a lot, you can tell. She loves to do that. Yeah. Ugh. Yes, I'm on that website. Oh. Dude, it's so weird to see a horny grandma, huh?

Jesus. Oh, shit. It's a shot. He's my golden girl's horn. God, why is it so weird? That one's the worst one. Oh Jesus

Oh, there's the whip cream Look at her drink The whipped cream Yeah Oh, hell yeah, dude Get that whip it That's it That wasn't even sexy, dude

Well, she's letting you know She swallows the white stuff Oh, what's a chocolate one? Oh, shit Oh shit Oh, damn Yeah And he's in now

Oh, whoa well, well. He's like, well, that kind of reminds me of something. This is crazy, dude. Oh, shit. She's into the... Oh, fuck, man.

It's sane clown posse. Yeah. Oh, she's wearing the perfect red. It's my lipstick. There you go. Shouts out. Shout out to my Christina P. Lipstick company. Shout out to ICP, the whole crew.

We got us under some lipstick. Hell yeah. Oh, I would love her to do some. She'll definitely do it. Wait, can you scroll up all the way? And what's in her links? Oh, yeah, hit her link. Oh, man.

Jesus Christ. Let me should at least give her a plug? I'm 86. I show full nudity when chatting with subscribers. I offer boy girl content. Holy fuck. All right, we got to subscribe. What are you doing?

Oh, man. Get in there, man. We need to start getting into her. Her name is Grandma Linda. Yeah, got it. Linda Hope. Give her a shout-out. Come on.

Let this woman make a living. She's born in 1939. Hell yeah, dude. Get fucked. That's what's up. She's the world's oldest only fans model. God, this doesn't make you sad. No.

She's living, she loves this. She's doing this by choice. You don't know what the hell you're talking about. Yes, she is. She has social security. She's got fucking money. She's not desk.

She's got money. She looks like she's got money. Really? That was the fucking, to you, the background, like this person's got some money man yeah but 86 like you got to want it to get it this hard do you know what I'm saying you can't fake this much at 86 now Hose can't fake it this hard at 86 you don't know what Hose can do what Hose can do whatever you don't know what I can tell you what Hose can do Hose can put their mind to anything and get it done oh yeah you

know Linda I know Hose you don't know Hose look oh yeah this this is a TikTok I curated Why don't you love me like that? Why don't you love me like that? I mean, I get it. Sniff my pits. So this couple's really into pheromones, and he's into sniffing her pits in public and getting all charged up or whatever.

That's cool. I didn't say anything against it. I like it. I wish you would sniff my pits a little bit. Oh. This is my new favorite. Said the guy that killed Tony last week? Probably

Yes This guy does all kinds of horrendous shit Yeah, that was crazy So good White people shit, right any It's like a moose calling competition This is European for sure This is Western European shit though

It's a German shit I think Yeah that was really cool Thanks for showing me that You like that It's a contest between men Eddie, I forgot that. Would you smash Grandma Linda? Hell yeah.

What are you talking about? Okay. At least once. Josh? Just for the experience. I mean, why not? She seems nice. You guys are so stupid.

No. Oh, yeah. Just for the story. Wow. I bet it'd be good. Well, that's awesome. Ladies, would you hook up with David, the guy that can make you tremble in 60 seconds?

No. Why? Absolutely not. Of course. Is that Caitlin, my love? Can't see. That's Carly. Oh, Carly.

Carly. It's Carly all day. Fuck what you heard. Yeah. All right. Fuck what you heard. She's in the Wells Fargo, right? No, it's kiss my pussy.

Kiss it. Fuck what you heard. Okay, Miss Carla. It's Carly all day. The Carla, though. Oh, it's Carla. Yeah, yeah. Okay, Miss Carla.

You need to leave. Fuck what you hurt. So I can't believe they wouldn't give David a shot, though. Well, I think it's the tongue. I mean, would you guys give him a shot if he didn't do the tongue thing at the end? I'm thinking it's more than the tongue. Say the tongue, actually, I would let happen. Jesus.

Oh, wow. It's the other thing that I'm scared of. What, his dong? Yeah. Oh. You don't see his dong, though. Yeah. Well, I mean, he said 60 seconds.

He didn't say 60 seconds only tongue. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. So she's willing to give the tongue a shot. Okay. All right. Okay. Yeah.

Oh, that makes sense? I don't know. You wouldn't? You have to fucking listen to this guy tell you how great he is and talking to you. Yeah, I don't want to hear all that. It's only 60 seconds, though. Yeah. Whole life changes after that.

All right. I'll do it. Okay, cool. No, just watch. Keep your eyes on the prize. So these are pedicures for people with severe foot problems. Look at those carbuncles there. Ooh!

Look at that! Look at that transformation! Steaming them. That looks so much better. So much better, huh? That looks so much better. It's just the crust is what really... Why is the skin all dark like that?

Oh, it's rot. It could be frostbite. Uh-huh. Yeah. The nails of toe fungus. You know, Dr. Drew told me that it's inevitable that your toenails will get fungus as you age. That's cool. It's something fun. All right.

Well, let's see the next one. Hi, guys. I'm having sea bass today. My mom made it, and this is what I have on. Yeah. Well, show me the sea bass. You're not going to show me the sea bass. And here's the sea bass.

No, but let me look at it. Okay. Thank you. We're going on, no? I wish you guys are happy day. Let me give in another turn. Oh, thanks. Yeah.

He looks good. That's a cute outfit. What are you going on with him? What's not? He's got a good day. He's got a great outfit on. He's got some sea bass. What do you mean what's wrong with him?

I didn't say what's wrong with him? I said, what's going on with him? He's having some sea bass. He just fucking told you, dummy. Pay attention. Okay. All right. That's really cool.

Thanks for showing me that. Fucking unreal. Mm-hmm. There's still people out in door. ways looking for shelter. And I think a lot of people think this is why we shouldn't allow hedge funds to own residential property. And so what we were talking about earlier, too, is a little bit of the nostalgia aspect, right? How this feels kind of like back in the 90s and we were growing up. Yeah, like we were saying, yeah, it was much, much more snow, colder winters. And again,

private equity didn't own so much of the housing stock in America. Thank you so much. It's a true American hero right there. And it was live. That's the best bar. All right. He's like, mm-hmm. Yeah. When Black Rock didn't own the country. Yeah. Yeah.

What a patriot. This is a sedation dematting. We safely put her under Twilight's anesthesia. And she's under for just about an hour and a half-ish, a little less. To get her hair done? No, no pain. No, this is not just to get her hair done. This is a dematting.

A dematting. under Anastasia. It's for, I guess, people who don't brush their hair ever and then they have to be sedated because it's so painful to do it otherwise. You think you wake up like, fuck.

Like it just hurts so bad when you wake up. I would just shave my head. Some people just don't brush their hair. To wake up and her hair was fully demet. There was a team of four of us. Is that a table? A farla. After we fully demented her, we started to wash her.

You guys stay tuned to. for the next video and show the results. Holy shit. Just brush your hair. So she just brush someone who neglected themselves, basically. I think so. I mean, look, if I'm betting, mental illness, homelessness, things of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're trying to brush. Like that? You think it's like that or no? I know it's like that. Yeah. And they're madding. Why does everybody talk like that? Oh.

I have your part. And you and you just your job people in the middle of the middle of them? Actually, it was like low key. And then she could like nap, a twilight nap while we dimmed out of her hair. Dead ass. Just Christ. Okay. This was fun.

Seriously, this was so much fun. I'm glad to be back. I'm glad to you were back too. It's great to be in Austin. Literally. The weather's getting warmer. Yeah. It's like proper springtime.

Bikini's Nathan. Seriously, give me. sexy suck as I make you calm. And, yeah. It's good to be back. It's good to see everybody here. I can't wait to see the signs. I'm going to go check them out right now.

Post them online. Put them on the YMH account. Sounds good. Buy tickets to my shows. Please purchase my lipsticks and go to Chichibomba. Chitrabamba. In ATX, bro. Come get some treats.

Yeah. God damn it. It's too delicious. I'm going to eat this shit right now, bro. All right. I'll see you guys. Bye-bye. with her to the point I thought my heart was gonna stop. She told me to calm down, gave me a drink,

and I don't know it was in the drink, but I blacked out. And when I woke up, she had both my legs over her shoulders, so nobody's paid me to confess this now. And I've kept it under wraps for all these years because I knew that no one would believe me. Can Hillary do this cute? I'm sure I wouldn't be that. You know, I think she would just do it for the story. I think would be fun with it for you in her. Do you have any idea what kind of story that is? I can't believe it happened. I know.

I mean, his guy, YouTube channel, but... Yeah. The mess have happened before she was married to Bill. I don't think that's what he's saying. Oh, you think this is like recent? Of course. Wow. Recent isn't at least a green.

My asshole. My asshole. Larry Clinton. My asshole.