Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Tom Saves America w/ Chris Porter | Your Mom's House Ep. 706

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

Watch Chris Porter’s new YouTube special “There’s No Money In Babies”  available now: https://youtu.be/NlrJ_Qkmreo Tom Segura and Christina P are so incredibly excited for the Enny VS Ryan basketball game! Tom’s new soundboard is officially up and running, Christina shares some spoiler alerts, and shares things that made you laugh growing up that still make you laugh. Tom continues the fight for our country in virtual reality and the mommies discuss body inclusivity.Then we welcome stand up comedian Chris Porter! We discuss wild snoring habits, totally being okay with not doing stuff with your spouse, airplane seating BS, and the Segura’s getting an invitation to the The White House! We learn more about blind people, Blind Bob, and quiz Christina on the difference between more animals. Then we wrap up with torturing Chris with some TikTok!https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

Hello London Jeans, I'm coming to perform at 21 Soho May 9th in London England tickets at Christina P online comm get them now this week on your mom's house I think that the real lesson is what made you laugh at 10 is what makes you laugh the rest of your life Yeah, that's a blueprint. Is there will you be doing VR on the plane gonna be that guy in the the terminal like Get down down down. We knew what you meant. Everybody knew what you meant not a person in here was like she's talking about a veg Welcome to another episode of your mom's house podcast I'm T bonds. She's Christine. Yeah, and we've got a jam-packed show for you today. We're excited to get into it What's really cool is your new soundboard soundboard working? Yeah

You know what though if there's one thing I know about you you like to push buttons I do like to push buttons in a whole new way any are you excited about your upcoming basketball game? Yeah, I'm stoked. Yeah, can't wait I'm so stoked. I'm you've been you've been really pumped about this. Yeah, it's what I'm talking about at home Yeah, it's been good. What's your what's the level way like I just I don't know. I love competition Yeah, I really like basketball, you know, it's just a fun one. I think I'm just kind of geeked up on it I like and who's who's your money gonna be on? Well, I don't endorse gambling. No, we can gamble you cannot Don't look at us with those dumb eyes the truth the truth is the smart money is on Ryan because he's a more experienced basketball player

But he's just kind of you know, he's a he's a fucking Roll the dice on this stuff, you know, I think and he's got Personality chutzpah and the right attitude and sometimes you can get by on that determination You can not always on the court, but it's good for life I'm with you any my money's on you, bro. I appreciate you I want you to go to Turkey and get those dreads. Oh, yeah, that I really want you to get your dreads, too But I want him to go to Turkey for me, too I can't believe y'all said yes to that. I was just top of my head. Like what's what's something where you'd actually try?

I'm like, I'd like my hair back. I guess you're like, okay. Like what the are you serious? Because that's this is a stuff that excites me, but doesn't that motivate the shit out of you? Like haven't you been practicing now every day? Oh my god, it's just I got you know, I get high a lot. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you gotta do practice man Time out practice Because I've been watching the show that dr. Drew is on special forces. Yeah, Kate Goslin spoiler alert Gets voted off or gets gets kicked off the show first and you know why why her fucking attitude is a crybaby pussy attitude Yeah, she's like

And I'm telling you like so much of it is attitude and that's what I'm learning watching special forces is that You know 90% of this is is your attitude? What is what's up with her hair there? What is it? She's into cornrows now. It's just cornrows Yeah That's not hilarious to you What's it's you have all people love white girls with cornrows. I wouldn't say I love them I say I've noticed them. No, she's just braiding her hair for the show because you're in special forces So you can't have your hair down in your face. I mean very return

So her attitude from like the minute she gets there it's and she's very self-aware to her credit She'll be like I'm the kind of person where if I don't like something. I just complain out loud and we're like Oh, we know Kate. We loved you on the show because of that the whole time. She's like, it's hot Who's that in the yeah, who's that right there? He's a former NBA player. Does that Dwight? That's Dwight Howard. Yes. He's not even former. I Thought he was retired. Is he in it still? Yeah, I think he's playing. He's still in the league I mean, he's amazing. His attitude is amazing. He's like, I mean, that's a he's amazing and he's Yeah, yeah, it's and so but here's the deal which is really interesting about the show is that sometimes size it your physical

Stuff doesn't matter. Well, the smallest girl ends up getting you know what I mean Sometimes will win the thing because of your mindset. Well, that's what I'm saying any real special forces guys are Are not built like Dwight Howard or even like how you see in movies. Most of them are like Five eight five nine hundred and sixty pounds. Really? Yeah, that's what the most real Greenbrays Rangers see they're they're super lean. They're usually not very tall It's rare to have a like a six one six two special forces guy. They're usually shorter than that Yeah, and they can special force because they can the thing about them is they can just go for like whether it's running and swimming So people who have that type of endurance are usually very lean, you know, and they're not huge build

Because I'm spoiler alert. There's one thing where they have many times you're gonna say it It's fucking I have to because otherwise these clowns. Okay. See him on those those strings They have to like traverse. Yeah, right. So if you're a huge guy like that eventually massive The weight of you though like your arms start burning your legs like that is a detriment So I kind of understand what you're saying. Yeah, you should be smaller Look if I don't say Spoiler alert. You're good after the these jerks Go. Oh, they all start laughing like I'm our word. I have to say it. Okay after before I reveal a thing

Right, that's how you say you taught me how to say spoiler alert Well, right because normally you'd be like she got buttered off in the first episode a spoiler alert That's okay. So he they tell you that I have to say it before I say the thing You know what what it's okay. I know, but I feel like I listen. I am stupid on a lot of things I've admitted. I don't give a fuck about crocodiles versus alligators. Oh, there's another one today. Go ahead There's a new yeah, great. Yeah, I don't know the difference between cheetahs and leopards. It's fine You know, I learned it now I know but I did not I failed the crocodile you failed that but you got a hundred percent on cheetahs versus

100 a-plus-plus you got a full ride to alligate or to cheetah leopard University Don't beat yourself up. You did a great job for all they do is talk about the difference Guys let's look at pictures cheetahs or leopards. All right, let's do that. Let's open the show you ready I'm so ready. Let's do it. Pamela Birch Fort Florida State Conference of NAACP branches waves in opposition I need a dick He's an opponent Waves in opposition Holden Hiscock is also an opponent waves in opposition I

Need a dick It's so funny to watch Republicans do it. Yeah, he makes me happier. He's like so serious. Yeah Nick here Holden Hiscock Yeah, they got them they got them I feel like I feel like there's a wider frame Version of this where you can see that girl to his left. All right kind of go like She knows immediately Where I swear I saw it. I saw it. She was like

They got you Where is Holden Hiscock Holden Hiscock? Never not funny, I know First time someone does this you're like in fifth grade somebody does this and you're like it's so good It's really well. There was a clip that we posted on our Instagram of as calling top dog and you really You know what you need some up dog. Yeah, he's like what's up dog? He said it like that too. What's up dog? That's like a fourth grade joke

It's the best fourth grade jokes are the best. Can I tell you what I've laughed at like my whole life? Yeah, there's a few things number one The word diarrhea just see even just talking about like the word the word diarrhea the concept of diarrhea makes me laugh The word retarded is always funny it's always been funny as much if you're raised in the 80s Like I'm saying that we started saying that word in like second grade and it's never not made me laugh. Yeah Like the word dyke sometimes makes me laugh because it's so Yeah, it's just like the gaze. Yeah, that's that's also a very funny thing Yeah, yeah, so funny like I think the real lesson is what made you laugh at 10 is what makes you laugh

The rest of your life. Yeah Blueprint is there. That's the blueprint. Yeah, and thank God my dad watched like we watched really off-color stuff growing up Like Cheech and Chong and Eddie Murphy all the time in the house. So I grew up on really I think great comedy. Yeah And it served me well. I mean you're comedian. Yeah You forgot What did your family think was super funny growing were they lame as shit? Yeah, I mean you know top dog was just like a

You know, he's old-school American. He liked on the nose. He didn't like nuanced subtle stuff. I think Things that like silly like that shit really wasn't it was just like it had to be pretty hard hard hard Bob Hope type set up hunt. Yeah, real clear. My wife is a real piece of shit. Yeah Oh, you know, you know, you remember when we called and we did the blonde joke. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's true Yes, that shit to him was like that that kid, you know the height But I also think that goes back to probably the same thing we just said. Yeah when he was 10 So I was like, you know, blondes are dumb. Yeah, and then someone tells one of those jokes and you laugh hysterically Fast-forward 50 years still thinks it's the funniest thing. I know he didn't laugh. Well, I'll give him credit

He didn't laugh at like sitcoms. Yeah, so like that's a big plus Like shit that my mom and sister are like ha ha ha like fucking CBS sitcoms where you're like wait Do they did they really lol? Yeah, they really What was the funniest show to your mom and your sister dude? They laughed at all of them. They laughed every time I walk in there sitting there. I get here a lot and I walk in and it's like You know, whatever my wife and kids kind of show where you're like, you know I mean like how I met your mother and shit there. They're like

Slapping their legs. I'm like, oh, yeah, two and a half men all that shit where I'm like, I get if you it's entertainment Like we should all you know, you let people be entertained, but they were they'd laugh along like got gut-busting. Oh and I'm like Then they go. Oh, is this not funny enough for you? I'm like, no enjoy enjoy I mean, that's it. I was like, that's wild. That's why I will give it to my parents It kind of what makes you feel like an alien. I think yeah, what makes you laugh versus what makes other like, you know I mean like Well, yeah, we're talking to the audience that look people listen to this people listen to your mom's house and don't admit to listening to

Your mom's house, right? Yeah, isn't there a reason it's kind of like we're a secret society of degenerates Well, I mean, that's why it's so fun They want to see a guy come in and be like, where's my cereal and that's what like my mom and sister would laugh at And I want to see someone get hit by a car and launched 30 feet across. You know what I mean? Yeah, I want to talk about coming in space and that's what makes me laugh. So I guess we are different. Yeah Different we're all a little different different my stepdad What that's just you're like, why did you put the K backwards on your design? He's like different So I just love that

Um, my stepdad rest in peace my Indian stepdad. Yeah fucking loved Jay Leno's monologues not not that they weren't They were really well written in Jay Leno's obviously very funny but like I mean he would he just was so geeked out every night. He would stay up and wait for that monologue Yeah, I mean he loved Leno. The Leno did something though He made a choice when he took the job. Yeah, so the decision he made was I want to appeal to the broadest audience So like he could have done edgier stuff, but he he really did Consciously make the choice. Oh, yeah, and then the result was he had the number. He had his show was number one

Oh, yeah, it is a decision really and I heard that when he got the tonight show that he was like the number one touring Headliner in the country. So he was already hugely successful and doing an edgier act by the way, then people know him as right That's the difference is like that's what I'm saying why he could have he did an edgier show In clubs. Well, isn't that how in the beginning of our careers you had to make that choice? Because of the fcc Yeah, and people would always tell especially you and me you can't work blue because if you work blue You're never gonna get on television. You're never gonna get the specials that and like thank god for the internet. Oh my goodness Yeah, and then we got to a place where you know

I'm glad we didn't listen Dude, I cook because I don't know if I can hold it in, you know, no fucking way it kept pretending to be normal No way. I'd be suicidal if I had Done like the clean act route. Oh my god. Yeah What would you even talk about instead of me talking about wanting to murder a barista? There would be a stack of bodies And I'd be out there with my super clean act. I know because the thing we think about raisins are actually just dried up grapes A cookie. Yeah, there's just a cracker with sugar. Who didn't know? Yeah, uh, it's horrible

And I'd be like, how many rocks this guy has? It's so true. Well, because comedians are very angry people. That's why we've channeled it into a higher form We're usually pretty seething on the inside. Of course. It's got to go somewhere I have so much rage right at the surface, you know I mean really I really do. No, I know we all know it's like we've seen it on the show But like I do channel it in a healthy way Yes, by saying the things that I feel like I shouldn't say, you know, but if I repress that You know, there's a bunch of felonies on

I think I don't know I can barely pass as normal like in the mom world. It's very hard for me to hold it together I eat very hard. Oh, I've seen that. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a big secret I don't like it. It is the people you first meet, but I know what's going on Did I tell you what? Well, I'll tell the audience. So I joined this women's book club. Yeah, and I was like, this shit's boring I don't like it. I'm fucking bored. So I basically like a year later. I was like, how about we just do drunk bingo instead? And they're like, what's drunk bingo? I'm like just get drunk play bingo. Yeah, you switched it. Of course It's been so much more fun now because then they really let loose these menopausal broads. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's way more fun. They talk shit about their husbands and about the

The problems they have. I love it What? Oh, were you a post-traumatic stress syndrome because you were up all night fighting for America's freedom? I know I know look at those eye bags You stressed out your PTSD. Yeah Well, I I fucking sacrifice so you can fucking enjoy your life here Guys I was in Fallujah for fuck's sake I was taking care of freedom. Yeah So you can tell your jokes

All right guys my worst nightmare. I did an evac Fucking six guys I took them out. All right I was on a fucking oil tanker There's Bulgarians on the ship Who knows what else and who fucking saved the day me? So In case you haven't figured out what's happening

On where my mom's at I talk about vag dryers and the top vag dryer for me is What in the dove men who play video games And what's what's even a notch above just men who play the video games? Oh with with vr. Yeah Um who opened his christmas gift these dots are connecting. Yeah, and so I wouldn't even say it's vr. I'd say I'm really there Emotionally you have been I talked to a couple vets and they told me that I basically have done the same thing they did I was in Russia yesterday. I know

I'm in a snow covered valley. I know babe I don't know if this is a good path for you to go down. Oh, you're a little traumatized please You're fucking traumatized So not only is my seven-year-old into roblox now and I get to hear about the fun of roblox now. I get to hear about Fallujah and oil tankers. This is not the first time I've heard about his battles on an oil tanker with the Bulgarians I'm a fucking specialist. I'm a marksman Yeah

I got frag grenades. I got it all Frag. Yeah, what's a frag grenade? Don't worry about it. You wouldn't understand I'm there for my guys is the point. I hope you enjoy your fucking makeup my freedom. Yeah Okay, Tom or how many guys are in your platoon your squad? What is it? Are you special forces? Yeah, of course Well, that's why you knew so much earlier. I've been training. What do you think we do have today? I think we just go out on missions. We're training all the time. Okay, so you've discovered this. What is this game? You're playing game. You think it's a fucking game? This is life and death. He's so traumatized. He really

Comes out of there and I have to like Massage your shoulders and you're like intensely in battle. It's called onward. Jesus Do you have a call sign? What's your call sign do you talk to other nerds while you play this game? Um, you mean other patrons Um, you mean other patriots. Stop it. You're talking to other nerds when you're doing this patriots. Oh my god What's your name your call sign?

Call sign Isn't that what just called? I don't know. It's called the call sign. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what is your special forces name? um Honestly, can I tell you the truth? Yeah, it's classified Okay, I got you dude. All right. So what is this? You just you go on missions and you kill Taliban or what? Yeah, good. You do. Okay. Okay. Okay. Is that oh is that Afghanistan? Looks like the helmet province. Is that where you were? It looks like a bazaar in Morocco

I don't know You have bad memories there. Yeah, I'd rather not relive them. Okay. Okay. Can we move on? Okay, sorry. I think you should talk to somebody. Do you guys have one? Do you have one? Yeah, I've played it. It's a fun game It's a fun game. Yeah, what's your call name? Yeah, it's fun. Oh, you guys should squat your nerds can jack your dogs dongs together Great a lot of you can be fucking losers together and waste your time sounds great But the difference I will can I tell you some real talk and I know I talk a lot of shit If you're listening to where my mom's at you talk a lot of shit about video game playing in adults

Yeah, particularly men you've earned the right Thanks, because you're very very successful. And I think you're exempt from my Well, I get I get what you're I get what you're saying because if you No, no, if you had like no job and somebody got you one of these. Oh my god, you can just escape and not try life I get that. Yeah, I'll tell you one of the advantages of it is that no, no, no seriously It has a horrible battery life. So it's kind of abysmal So as soon as like the battery starts to go I go that's a good sign to just take it off, you know Oh, that's nice. Yeah, they don't have like it doesn't have

Hopefully the next iteration will have a great battery life But um, it is a nice decompressor. I think I think so. I think it's a way to regulate yourself And have some fun with your other you've done the spacewalk The spacewalk is fucking incredible. It used to be super in a VR I could give you a whole list of fucking army games that you could do. Oh, yeah What about other stuff like the space like that shit the documentary where you're like in space is wild There's a whole bunch of like so there's a space escape room where you're like an astronaut in like the iss But you know which one I'm talking about, right? Yeah, it's like it's it's the real footage that they shot up there

There's also like a an experience where you're like the marionne a trench and you're seeing all these crazy like underwater That'd be cool too. That's cool. I like that. It's a Mount Everest one. That's pretty neat. Okay Christina, you should get into VR. Yeah, my pussy couldn't get dry right now. Like Well, I'll tell you right now. Just to be real clear get your fucking own because you're not Yeah, I'm pretty I got it. I'm you know what I got a travel pouch for it too. So you can come on the road Enjoy your VR You know what the irony is is like you're in Berlin and you're like hold on Gotta get out of this reality. Yeah, that's true. Like you're in the most interesting cities coming up and you're like, no, thanks

Gotta fight this war. Well, yeah, I'm not gonna leave my fucking brothers behind Do you can I tell you something? Can I ask you a question? Seriously? Does it Can you make eye contact? Does it ever stress you out being in that game? Doesn't but doesn't it give you like anxiety because can you get really blown up and stuff? No, it gives you anxiety that you're gonna fuck something up like This game the particular game There's a there's a lot of like, you know, like what do you like motor skill stuff you have to do For instance, like drop the magazine grab it from your pouch. Put it in, you know

Like release the whatever it's called on the gun like you do all that So you get you're panicked about doing that fast enough and then you lose and you're like fuck I want to do So you want to get better at like anything you go if you like it you go I want to do it again So I get better at the skill set, you know, just like playing golf and you just go like fuck Then you hit it clean and you're like, oh that felt good. I want to do it again Right, I know I get worried about young boys playing this because what if they want to join the military because of that They're like, this is so cool. That's that's not how it works. And you're like

It's not how it works. I don't that's that's it's like you know, you separate the fan. It's a fan. You realize you're in a fantasy Not if you're 16 or 15. Do you? Yeah, you still do. I just don't want people going to We played all those games when we were in high school. You did of course. Okay. Yeah, I just don't want my kids playing at them But we played them and none of us joined the military because we're pussies. That's true Okay, yeah, that's cool as long as my sons are pussies By the way, I spent a lot of time with your sons. They're not going to the military. Okay good with my sons You mean your children? They're your kids. They're not they're so they're not they're cool Like no, I mean like they're not inclined that way

No, they're not they're not. I know I kind of tell you something I used to babysit this kid across the street Brandon like when I was a teenager and that little boy Was playing military from the time I knew him. I mean, he was always shooting guns and pretending And of course he went into the the Marines and became a career military guy. It's it's in your wiring I know you can't do anything about it. It's just like the gays if they're going to be gay. That's fine. They're just gay military It's fine. Yeah Here this made me laugh It's super frustrating that there's even a difference between traveling as a straight-sized person versus a plus-sized person

Traveling in general is difficult in addition to you know being removed from the comforts of your own home You're also thrown in this like little wrench of like oh also You may be Not able to fit all the places. Oh, yeah Yeah, um, wait, she called them straight straight-sized person because it's straight-sized implies is like sexual stuff That's weird. I've never heard straight straight sized. What is that? Is that a popular term in the you mean normal first time? I'm here. Yeah, it's good. Oh, it's because they don't want to use the word normal Oh, it's like normal size is implying that she's not normal like it's not right. Yeah, you're straight size straight size

May I bring up a stupid thought that I had? Yeah, you know how they do sizes like two four six eight ten Yeah, why why come they can't just do all the sizes What do you mean one two three four five six seven eight? Oh ten why every second size? That's a good question I don't know. It's very annoying for me. We just all accepted that that's the yeah. Yeah, see that shit If I can just blew your mind up. I don't know if it was that much There's some uh, there's some designers that do one two three four five six like that, you know, yeah Yeah, like like within their clothing line, right single digit. Yeah, they should do that in all the clothing sizes I think Ted Baker and James Purse. I think they do just straight numbers. Those are brettes though

I think that's the British sizing system. I don't know. I don't know. Okay. Let's see what this fat shakes complaining about She's like, I'm super fat and I can't do stuff on fats Like well, yeah, you're too fat to do the just recently went on a cruise and you would think that I'd eat all the All of the excursions would have body inclusive accommodations No, they won't but there was like three or four Excursions that had weight limits probably were over 350 pounds. You couldn't attend this excursion I feel like if you're physically able to Walk a certain amount of miles why like you wouldn't be able to participate in these excursions

Well, what if they take you zip lining or something? I know a lot of the plus side community worries about Like toilets that don't have a stand at the bottom that are kind of just like hanging on the wall There's like beach loungers like the plastic ones that like bend super easily And I remember sitting down on it and being like, oh my gosh If I break this like I will be so sad just because I want to enjoy my beach time And I don't want to have to worry about is something going to be able to like hold my weight For an extended period of time. Well, you should worry about that. That's what I mean

That's something that it's reasonable to worry about that because you're a very plus-sized person And once you're over a certain weight, you have to go am I going to break this? It's just like if I sit in a kid's chair, I have the same thought. I'm like, am I too heavy to sit in this? but you're so you know plus-sized that If you sit in straight-sized equipment, you got to think about that too The other thing you could think about is how you you could reduce your size, you know

We'll know but she's upset that the chairs aren't stronger and the toilets aren't stronger and the airplane accommodations aren't better for her But those are all made for the majority of the population, right? That's not 350 pounds I mean, she thinks that 350 being the ceiling for some of these excursions is too low. What the fuck do you want them to be? There should be no limit. I mean, what are you talking about? That's insane Well, because it doesn't become a liability to like if she's too big. She can't keep up with the rest of the people Well, she's saying that like you can't do it That I mean first of all the reason they're they're doing the weight limit for sure is safety, you know

I'm liable. It's like it's an excursion like hey, we're gonna parasail. What do you weigh 375? It's like Well, we'd like to keep the boat intact. So maybe You know, we gotta set a limit for this Yeah, it's fascinating how this all became the opposite day. It's like Why isn't the world accommodating my disgusting overweightness? Well This is a lot of overweight and we both listen you and I have always we've had our ups and downs with weight stuff

But like yeah, of course a lot and that's not I have been uncomfortable Just like she like I've been in places where I'm like, fuck You know, like I don't feel I don't feel comfortable in this chair. I'm too fat Right. And then what you do is you just sit in your sadness. Yeah, and you make a decision you go I think I'm gonna eat right now because of how sad I feel or You go, I don't like feeling like this Right. And also there's no There's no like

You know, like there's no debate about whether You're too big at that point. You know, that's the this is the illusion of the today's world where they go like You know, the thing is I'm really I'm good at this life. No, you're not like You know, you're not there is no debate if you talk to any doctor Any wellness person anybody in medicine and also any objective pair of eyeballs who goes like what's going on They all would go. Oh, you need to lose, you know, or they're like, I love my body like no, you don't

There's no fucking way. There's no way you enjoy being this fat. No, you don't you're You're a house. Yeah, it doesn't feel good. And there's a reason why You're running into like chairs that are too small chairs that might break toilets that are gonna rip off the wall Excursions that you're not welcome on it's because you're way too fucking big You're way too big stop acting like you're not too big. You're too big too big and you're not too big like Dwight Howard You're eating too much You're eating too much

You eat too much. Yeah, too much food. And I've had that look. I've had it said to me. No too much food You eat too much for one person. I've had it said to me. Okay Yeah, all that mouth too many people so I've had it said to me. Yeah, we have I remember it in redondo. Yeah, we used to get shamed by how much we were together Stop you stop eating now. Yeah, stop eating now So But here's the thing too and here's the other part to this is that This is her

Mental addict. This is her addiction, right? We're just seeing somebody's addiction on the outside food is her addiction So if she were a junkie, let's say doing heroin and she's like why why come they don't have clean needles for me When I go into the bathrooms of these hotels, they should have my gear ready. They should have spoons and lighters It's like no, no, no, baby. This is not healthy for you. Stop and here's the thing The fact is somebody will waste the energy. This is what this type of person will waste the energy on spinning how it It is where they want like they are happy with their no and it's not and it's like no, it's not it's you're not you're not good with it and it's not as simple as

calorie surplus and calorie deficit and how much you're you're Exercising there's a deeper issue. Yeah, which is why she's got that way exactly and that's what you need to explore And nobody needs to make Toilets that can handle 700 like that's unreasonable. Yeah, the world is not going to change for you. You must change Yeah, I genuinely believe that airlines is the biggest frustration when it comes to plus size accommodations When we're flying next to other people my husband and I try really hard to be as small as we possibly can But you can only do so much to make yourself small One of the biggest worries that people have as a plus size person is having to ask in front of other people

That they don't know for a seatbelt extender People would rather put their life at risk and not wear a seatbelt Shaces embarrass themselves by asking for a seatbelt extender. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's absolutely shameful Yeah, it's embarrassing. I would I can only I mean I would rather ride a bike across the country than ask for a seatbelt extender What about a boat? Can they ride on boats without a seatbelt as you want? Yeah, you can sure if it's a big enough boat Yeah, yeah, go by ship. I mean, I wouldn't try a canoe, but I would yeah You could go like a big ship like the QE or whatever. Yeah, but like QE too. You should I wish that there was a way that even if like on the reservation we could say I'm fat

I would prefer this type of chair or I would prefer this type of accommodation When you're making a reservation on an airline I think that there should be a way to select that you want a seatbelt extender and then that seatbelt extender should Just be sitting on your seat when you get there hire people that are different sizes to come to your restaurant and sit in different places That you know, you're accommodating people of all different sizes Accommodations need to be made people want to travel and we shouldn't Be seen as the problem. Oh my fucking god It's really crazy that it's fucking insane and you can't I've seen people ask for a seatbelt extender very discreetly

You can as you're walking on you can be like and by the way most of those uh Flight attendants when they look at you. They know they know they're like they know your need one And they'll put they'll like kind of under I've seen them give it to the person under like yeah I know it's not gonna close on you Just But she's treating this like it's a disability like you should have a box like do I need a wheelchair like no Try to make ourselves as small as possible. No, you don't No, you really don't

She's not you're like I just squish my arms together Yeah, but then buy a first class ticket if you're gonna take up more space There's a way to make yourself smaller put the fucking fork down skip a meal. Yeah Jesus Christ Yeah Jesus Christ, but you can't tell people this anymore. You can't be like stop eating You know people think it's crazy to talk like that. And you know what's interesting That's what's crazy is that people think saying to someone who's 400 pounds stopping fat. Yeah, stop eating so much. They're like, hey, hey, hey

Hey You're 400 fucking pounds, man. I know. I know meanwhile. Gwyneth Paltrow is getting shamed For drinking bone broth and eating healthy paleo and doing yoga for eight hours. It's like, you know what? Yeah, I take one of Paltrow any day over this horseshit. This is just this is Pretending that this is normal is what's crazy. Yeah, that is like the easiest thing of all. Yeah, she's right We should be accommodating. Yeah. I mean, look, I do think what she makes one good point I do think she makes a good point. I think when you make an airline reservation, you should be able to say I need a shirt. I think that's actually super fat. Yeah, I'm biggest fuck and I need

You know, I need a seatbelts and then they could they could yeah, they could leave that on your seat I think that's reasonable. That's reasonable. Um, and like, yeah, you don't need to But you should have to check a buck that says I'm biggest fuck. Yeah, give me a seatbelt extender. Yeah Just to shame you. Yeah, that's what it should say. I'm two people's size. Yeah Yeah, I mean, it's it's crazy. This is absolute bananas. She is two people's sizes. Oh my god. Yeah, yeah, dude That's like she was like can you believe This excursion has a 350 pound limit A lot of the excursions were like

We don't allow over 350 The size of an nfl offensive tackle is our limit. She's like what the fuck are we supposed to do out here? It's like how much does a baby elephant weigh? I'm curious I think this is close. No, I don't have no idea. Let's see. Oh, she weighs more than a baby elephant A baby elephant is 250 pounds. That's a newborn That's a newborn and then they drink two to three gallons of milk a day How much does a one-year-old weigh?

I Or a rhino Yeah, 930 pounds. Yeah So 1,400 pounds. That's a one-year-old 1,400 pounds. So basically Damn, dude, two airline people Two airline passengers Or maybe you know what they she's got. Okay. So let's let's flip this maybe she's got a point

So like maybe they should start an airline or a travel service or a travel company just for severely obese people Well, here's the thing the only what's that's not a bad idea. This is all going to be cost prohibitive Of course everything that she once done for her can be accommodated for but you have to pay for it Yes, the reason that seat sucks because it's small because it's supposed to they want to maximize the amount of people that can fly So yeah, that seat's gonna be you want a bigger seat you could pay for the bigger seat. You want um reinforced You know Concrete lounge chair you could pay for like You could pay for all these things, right, but she's saying that's not fair. She's like this should be the standard

Yeah, it's like that's what they should pay for my obesity, which is yeah She's like, I don't want to be seen as part of the problem. You are this is this is the The illusion is that not enough people have told you you are the problem Yeah, you're the problem in this situation. Yeah, um my Canadian friends remember what they were visiting Yeah, and we were walking around the mall And I was like, dude, how fat are we compared to Canadians and he's like, oh, it's disgusting It's like you guys are just so fucking fat. I don't know why you're so fat Yeah, it's notable. He's like, oh we got off the airplane. It's like everybody. This is like our this is the mindset

Yeah, I was like How come there's not a 64 ounce soda here? What are you guys doing making me refill this thing? That's the American mindset It's crazy. Yeah good times. All right, let's take a quick break. Sure. We'll be right back Uh, please welcome to the show our new guest to their new special. There's no money in babies available now On youtube, it's chris porter. Everybody. All right, chris porter Hello everyone Congratulations, thank you. Where did you shoot? Where'd you shoot the special portland? Oh, I was just there and I love it

Uh, okay, which venue? Uh helium. It's a great club. It's a great club. Yeah, that's all the audience They're all yeah, buffalo is good. Yeah, and louis and now they got one in indy. They have one indy and then It's the same people. They opened the one here. That's them. That's here. Yeah cap cap city is the same guy. Oh, that's awesome Yeah, it's at the domain. Yeah, I think I've worked them. I'm not sure. Have you worked it yet or not yet? I don't know it all blend. I mean I do like 42 weeks a year. So it's just kind of blends Yeah I feel like my agent is like it's a source of pride for him to like yeah, you have no weekends off Unless you ask for them. So you just take them all. Yeah, I take a month off in the summer

Yeah, and then I try to take a month off in the winter like right after like january and july january and july Yeah, that's good. That's a good. Yeah, especially july like everyone's out at concerts. They're not really coming to see I feel like we all kind of do the same thing with that because I feel like pretty much every december for me Yeah, and some summer month is off. Yeah, because I mean there's definitely that month unless you go to like the deserts where It's you know 140 degrees and they'll come inside. Yeah In the midwest in late june. They're like, no man. I'm going to the lake. I'm gonna go set some shit on fire. Yeah. Yeah Yeah As well and I have a july destination like do you like to go somewhere specifically? I'll go home

Yeah, I'll go to Kansas City for fourth because I do like to blow stuff up. Yeah, and they don't really do that in LA Yeah, and uh, so yeah, I'll go home and eat brats and do cookouts dry rub. That's Kansas City barbecue, right? Uh, it's a combination of meat and sauce. Yeah. Yeah, but yeah, okay. Yeah, they have the sauces gates gates Uh, Arthur Bryant's yeah, and then Oklahoma Joe's now Kansas City Joe's the one that I really liked when I was there It was something with the number 13 in it 13th Finds Ketchum or something. Oh 30 you q 39 q 30. Yeah, that's bougie barbecue. That was fucking good That's where they give you like a real napkin. That's a real but that that barbecue was

Very impressive. Yeah, I'm a I'm a Kansas City Joe's guy Joe's personally. Yeah. Yeah It's not as you know It was a lot better before Anthony Bourdain told everybody about it about uh, Joe's Joe's Yeah, he called it like one of the 10 places to eat before you die. Oh really and Ever since then there's been a line like that outside the door. Oof. Yeah, that's no fun No, no, no, no, I mean the locals call it in you can call in and just go grab it But yeah, that's have you tried barbecue here in Austin?

Uh Not recently, but I do like Texas barbecue. It's good barbecue. I used to uh fly I used to get it hung over when I was Uh flying through Dallas. Yeah, yeah, like it's good hangover food. Yeah, it is. Yeah, so yeah Nice and greasy. Nice and yeah, so you're alone a lot. My goodness. How do you not go insane? I got a nintendo switch. Oh And uh shit ton of weed coops. Yeah, and an oculus. Are you fighting the wars? Um, I don't have the VR thing yet I want I don't know uh give me your address Yes, yeah, I don't know if I want to jump down that hole. I feel like I might never come back. You do

Are you doing you do? Yeah, I mean I do have dates, but I like you have kids and a wife and like responsibilities I could go in for like three days and no one would know I was gone. That's what you want Now the battery life that's what keeps you from doing it They it's like they have like a two hour battery life. Oh, so you just like oh, I got to hang it up, you know Uh, yeah, I think uh Yeah, yeah, that's a dark That's like uh when people like when I because I smoke weed, but I just smoke weed

I don't do like dabs or anything sure and people like oh you should get a dab break. I'm like, no No, that's that's a huge jump. You know what? I'll send you an oculus and let's just see what happens. Okay. I like that I like gifts Dude, oh, yeah, yeah, be awesome. Do you guys play the same games that tom plays? I'm familiar with all the games. He said I actually recommended a couple the war games or other just all sorts of different games I think you talked about super hot. That's super fun. Yeah, what's super hot? That's like, uh, it's almost like you're in the matrix like things move as you move That's cool. I like there's people coming in trying to kill you

So you like throw stuff at them and they shatter like last Is there a game that you can just be in the matrix and fly around and not have people trying to kill you because that stresses me out like why Because I don't like anxiety. There's beat saber. That's kind of fun. That's like you're dancing Like you got lightsabers in your hands and you're dancing like a rave. Yeah It's like a really bad ecstasy trip What you're just like Like what chris is described? Okay

Okay Sure Sounds really fun. You guys there's one for tom. I think there's like a battle arena type one where you go in and just Bodies just start coming at you and you could tear off arms and start beating them with it tear off their heads Perfect. Really? Yeah, that sounds so perfect. It does sound really cool. That does sound kind of fun. Yeah, send me all these links Yeah, I'll get a list together for you. Can you now can you just play regular like can you get like fallout four for the oculus or Some of them they have uh piped into it. Oh, okay There's a good golf one. He said there's a really good golf one

We could get you some rigs too because I know that there's some two-handed guns probably an onward that you That you play with that. It's kind of hard to get the sights, right? Uh-huh. You can get one of those like things that magnetically come in so just Eating itself Feel like we're at the like mecca of game stops. Yeah Wait, it's like Jesus christ. You know what else you could do? Reminds me I've started a new podcast called VR battles and Comes out next week. All we talk about are the newest

We are VR come on Well, that's really cool Tom. Yeah, it is cool I just I'm one of those guys that goes too hard in the paint like I have 400 records Like the last thing I need is to jump down the VR hole and Never come out. I'll be like no my real life is VR Exactly. Yeah, that is the fear that is the fear that we're yeah My life in VR is way better. I'm just gonna go in there I think that probably is a real

Like a sad reality for some people where it's like life sucks, right? And then they go into this thing. It's like it's so like you're so immersed in this that you can just Really lose yourself and then you're like, oh shit. This fucking headset's about to run out of juice If I were a teenager this that would have been the end of I think it might be a problem for a developing mind Like 12 13 you're probably when you're just so isolating like, you know super goth and depressed like I would have just I think you just take all the heads and you're like, no, I'm gonna do it for real. Yeah Yeah Yeah, I'm a video game guy, but I

What do you play on the switch? Uh on the switch. I've been playing the they re-release the first three grand theft autos Oh, that's fun And that's fun But you also realize like how much video games have progressed crazy, right? Because I thought grand theft auto Which ever one I'm playing now of san Andreas when I was like, this is the epitome of great games and I go back and look at it And you're like

Well, remember when don't you remember when James Bond came out remember like everybody had that and like we thought that was like Oh my god, there's nothing that will ever Like be as advanced as this and you look at it now and you just it's funny to see the graphics Yeah, we were you know, it's it evolves with the the times, but like I think they're gonna do a new Updated version of golden eye of that game. Do you remember playing this game? This was like this was like every fucking kid. I knew In childhood in your childhood Oh, yeah, I mean this game you did for hours this game like broke

The fucking the matrix right like this was like everybody had this game. It's still good still good Do you now? Do you are you an online guy? I'm not an online guy. I can't do that Yeah, because I try to You know, I think you and I play video games You know, we have a very fun life. Yeah, so we just kind of do it to like escape the like Us worrying about where we're gonna leave or whatever But yeah, I think some people do it because like you said it's like it's a better Yeah, and if if you're having a conversation with somebody like how often do you play and they're like, I mean, they're like, you know

Playing games about eight hours a day. You're like, oh That's crazy. Yeah, dude. If my screen time's over four hours I like put my I delete all the apps. Do you do it on flights? Uh, what that switch switch? Yeah. Is that a flight? It's a takeoff I'm so Pavlovian with that as soon as the plane takes off. I'm asleep. Oh asleep. Okay. Yeah, but so like while everyone's Sean distracts himself Because he's he doesn't like to fly so I one of the guys I travel with and as we as we're like

Taxiing you see him as and he's doing it to not think about flying smart Oh, he doesn't like to fly Are you gonna bring your oculus on flights now? Will you be doing vr on the plane gonna be that guy in the the terminal like Get down down down. Yeah. Yeah, of course Don't bother tell him. Yeah, what is it? Would you be in hijacked? Oh guys got an oculus. He's just drunk Look Yeah, dude, I care about my fellow man. Of course. I'm like, it's gonna leave them. I'm not

Got you man in Fallujah. I know bro. Jesus. We're on an oil tank last night. I was on an oil tanker. That's right with Bulgarians And who came out I did I saved everybody What do you call it when you're are you gaming is that when you've got your oculus on what do they call it? Like remember in the facebook movie. He's like, don't talk to them. They're plugged in Like there's is there a saying for when you're in the matrix. I mean, I'm I mean we use that too What do you say? I'm wired they're wired in they can't hear you because they're everything like every sense is being overtaken That it's just like you can't talk to someone in real life. Yeah, he's well. I call myself an active green beret

You're an active duty. Yeah Do you have an out? Do you have a did you go to like an army surplus door and buy an old camouflage set boots? I got everything. Yeah I put on face paint. I'm ready to go I'm ready to go. Here you go. That's what you I'm gonna give you this for christmas. I got that one And then just go mow the yard in that That's cool tom I talked I talked to a veteran

who was um He was a sniper And we were having this conversation. I was like, oh, I bet you're a good shot You know and he goes, I haven't killed somebody in years and I go I meant like at a target range I was I was uh hanging out with a couple uh seals At a party and they just the way they talk is hilarious. They're like our buddy gary hadn't killed a guy yet We're like gary. You gotta kill somebody come on And then finally gary gets his first kill and we all bought him beers. It was nuts

If you're just like... Oh my god. Yeah Oh those guys and me that's why you have all the freedoms you enjoy Those guys and me Can we talk about something that we have I've completed and bring up? Yeah, is that I've been snoring a lot? Uh a lot and it's been ruining tom's life and Tom wore a mouth guard for many years and that that's where this story needs to start. Yeah years ago She was like, I'm gonna kill myself if you don't stop snoring. I'm talking like 2008. Yeah

And then she played me a recording of it and I was like, oh my god Like I was mortified. Yeah, and by the way shame is a good thing. We were just talking about this I was deeply ashamed right shame is a hundred percent a good shame is a good thing So I heard it and I was like I'm mortified. What can I do? Of course, I could have lived a healthier lifestyle and probably snored less But at the time I was like, what's the solution for now? And for now it was they were selling these things like they'd run commercials Like buy this thing and you put it in hot water and you mold it like a mouth guard for a kid playing sports like football

Yeah, you put that in and it keeps your lower jaw up And then it opens the pathway So I got it and immediately reduced my snoring by like 80 percent right. She was like, ah, I can fucking Live then I went to the dentist and got like a custom made one and I wore that thing for 12 years maybe more more and so Anyway, fast forward all these years and like I'm going to bed and I'm like, what the fuck is this? This truck driver doing in the bed like it And then you taped me a few times and I was mortified. I'm like, oh my god. This is so embarrassing

So he tells me he's like what you have to do is tape your mouth shut And I was like, dude, that sounds so barbaric because there's sleep tape. I learned about this like even in the last year It's called sleep tape. Yeah, people they taped their mouth, but it's made for you hear about that on forensic files I actually heard about it from some super jacked trained like dudes who like they're like I train with my mouth taped I sleep with my mouth taped mine is sharks for 10 percent of my business promotes, uh, just nasal breathing only And then there's this uh, there's this tape that I that I bought for this and then I I tell her I'm like, yeah, you gotta see my mouth taped and then she goes Did you hear me snore last night and I go no she goes

Yeah, because I put duct tape on my mouth and I was like, I'm sorry And she goes you said and I go no, it's called sleep tape. It's it's made for human skin It's like it's but isn't it called duct tape the product that you use no Oh, no, so that's that's for things not people she puts actual duct tape on her mouth She goes it fucking hurts when you take it I'll bet it does ripped all the skin off my lips Yeah, so then I go here's the one that they sell for that. She's like, oh, yeah, that's way nicer I'm like, yeah, that's yeah

And so now I go to sleep and I get to wear a sexy black Piece of tape over my mouth. I mean my kids are terrified when they come in in the middle of the night Dad what mom do here it is. Yeah. Yeah, it's right there. I look terrible. That's what I look like. It's psycho. Yeah That's what Tom gets to look at now But I stop snoring I snore intermittently and my and I know because my girlfriend will just wake me up And she's like you need to get in the other fucking room. Oh like kick you out of the room. Yeah get the duct tape It's much better. There's two times. I cannot Stop snoring one is if like if I haven't slept so now I'm going to bed like beyond exotic

You know, I mean like you stay up then like it's there's nothing I can do. I'm gonna snore and if I have like Two drinks. Oh, yeah, I drink for good. Yeah, if I have a drink Yeah, if I drink I snore and for some reasons yeah in desert like if I'm in the real dry. Yeah, it's real That dries you out. That was when she was like you need to get the fuck out. It's horrible. It'll ruin your relationship Yeah, and I feel terrible like I woke up and got out of the room assuming like I'm not I'm not that guy I'm the guy that's like I am so sorry because shame is a good thing. Yeah, yeah It's my Tom wasn't that guy like in back in 08. I was like you're snoring and he's like, yeah And then I would sleep on the couch. Yeah, but then only recently you you left, you know why though at that time

That was nice. The reason you left because I was too fat to move to the couch. I just I was like Yeah, yeah, but I I got a warm up before I get up I was like uh, I was like this lady on the fucking screen. I was like, why can't they make big beds? Can you pull me up out of this bed? Why don't beds lift you up for yourself? That's exactly I need a self egg. You know, they got those standing showers. Yeah standing bed How come I can't just walk up to the bed and then the bed lays down for me Why do I have to use my arms to put food in my mouth? Why isn't there some sort of conveyor belt system? I knew a guy who told me he slept like a big dude and he was like, yeah

I sleep with a um, there's this big rope that hangs from the ceiling to pull myself up pull himself up. Yeah Yeah, wild. Yeah, and that's when shame is a good thing. Yeah, that's when you're like, hey man I need to work most of us don't have a rope That hangs above the bed because eventually that rope is going to get used for one last thing. Yeah Yeah, the ultimate shame. Yeah, yeah, you're skinny. Do you like watch what you eat? You've always been skinny. Yeah I started to get fat and then I Got in a crossfit and I'm still I'm not in the shape. I wish I was yeah Uh, which my girlfriend reminds me from time to time. She reminds you

Uh, how does she remind you? She was just like remember when you had abs? Oh I was like that was called the pandemic and uh, we were all we all had abs Yeah, because all we did was not eat out and not travel work out. Yeah So, uh, I mean she says it jokingly, but while she's packing a bag. Yeah Dang Uh, but yeah, no, I I still I still do it I wish I worked out more on the road

But what was when you said I was getting like fat for you because you never had like a Like were you just like starting to get soft starting to soft starting to belly and it was you can really see it in my face Yeah, okay, and I remember just like there because there was the one year they had the Maui comedy festival And we all went there and I look at pictures from there and that was like that's crazy And the thing and they again why shame's a good thing. Yeah, we went scuba diving Uh, or snorkeling not scuba diving and we went snorkeling and they're like, do you need a live vest? And I'm like, no, I can swim and I run I jumped out there swim eight feet and thought I was gonna die from cardiac arrest I was like

That's memories with you and then I was like, I need to get back in the gym or I'm going to die. Yeah Yeah, and so that's that's kind of when was the Maui Fest 14 2014 Wow, okay, because it was the first night I watched the royals lose the world series Came seven and I didn't I didn't realize Matt Hawaii's like a huge San Francisco sports I didn't know that I didn't know that and so I walked into the hotel bar with royals gear on and everyone's kind of looking At me weird who's this guy and the royals did something fun. I was like, yay Giants did something the entire place erupts and I was like, I'm gonna go watch this in my room. Yeah And yeah, so that that's how I remember that that's kind of like a is there in there part of that that you feel

Fear in sometimes because you never know how what kind of crazy sports fans are around Yeah, you're like because there's even stadiums now where they're like don't wear Don't wear the opposing stuff to this stadium. Well, I don't even go to football games anymore. Yeah, it's too crazy Yeah, like oh so far is a cool is a really cool stadium and I'll go to that because it's a little more low key And it's like a transient city, but like the chiefs are my most favorite team on the planet I don't I don't need to go to arrowhead anymore. Yeah, just what it's always but it because it's the people It's like they get too drunk. They start fighting with each other now and it's like, hey man We're all on the same side here. Why are we fighting? I don't I mean, I love football love football

But live Even though it's like it's you know, it's fun to see it live the experience isn't as fun life That's why I think like they do it best in like basketball like NBA games. They are really You know, you don't you don't really have to really worry about someone being like you fucking cunt. Yeah Like it can happen. Hey, fuck. Yeah, they're not really sounds like more fun It is until because those guys don't have anything to live for Like they have but in football like at football stadiums I have like wild shit and then like there's guys yelling at you for like what who you're cheering for and you're like

What are we doing here, man? Like I don't watch the game or my kids are also here. Oh god. Yeah, I would never drag them to that I would because it's it fills me with too much anxiety But also football shot so well on television. It is that you're just like you miss stuff being at the game Yeah, you're like, oh, I didn't even see that guy. You don't understand why the penalty was called You don't understand why they didn't give them the spot and then on television. You're like, oh, okay. Yeah I'm super bougie. If you have a suite, I'll go to a game. Sweets are different. Yeah, because then it's like, oh, we have an apartment Yeah, and I can go out there catered food Yeah, I can go out there and deal with you if I want to but then I can go back inside where it's warm

Give me the field pass and the suite and we're in and then you're like, you're a bougie bitch. You're like, yeah Great little bit. Yeah, it's pretty great. I know speaking of sweets We got one to see sisters of mercy a friend of ours had one and tom is just so pumped because What the fuck is sisters? It's not a sporting event, but is that a was it a nuns thing or no? No, it's a goth band and tom's Finally succumbed to my goth music and we're gonna see love and rockets Uh in utah. He's just so pumped. He's really you're a big goth. Yeah enthusiast. Yeah, okay Yeah, I don't but again

I don't like leave with that card because I don't want people to make fun of me because it's it is a shameful Thing and I'm I'm aware of it now when you go to the now when you go to these is it like white makeup eyeliner the whole bit Tom's gonna do it too Yeah, that's pretty cool Tom's finally coming with me though. That's the that's the news. I got to check out what it is I got to see what kind of gations it's bow house without peter murphy Okay, and i'm okay. He's in rehab

He's still in rehab that was like six months ago. I know and then he got out He was supposed to do a thing a david bowie tribute and then he's back in the hospital He's gonna die soon. I fear but i'm glad I got to see them. You know, so the sisters of mercy. They're german. They're german God, so that's like legit. That's super. You're deep goth You're like the jazz guy that's like, oh, that's not real miles davis. Thank you. Thank you christ. I'm sure you're Thank you. No, no junk. No soul. Yeah, i'm first generation. I consider myself first You know that i've trad goth if you will I started dating you in like oh five And i've never been to one of these with her never he won't go it's

You know, you gotta have your own thing. Yeah, is there something his that you won't go to? Oh, she's never sports sports But you did come to the basketball game. I like basketball because I like watching those big dicks flopping the short I was I was like, okay, the athletes big junk. I was like, can we watch the game like Because now i'm looking at the dicks. I know and she was like she was going how big do you think his is? How big do you think his is? I was like, I don't fucking know dude. The Lakers had so many big dongs on that team I can't see the dongs dude. Take her to see utah. It'll be a less of a problem Wait, tell me what would you like me to accompany you to they're good. I'm good

We have reached the appropriate level of things you come to sharing um Is there something I could accompany you to and he also accompanied me to vinscoral the christmas You know the charlie brown music I'm a huge fan of that dorky stuff too and he accompanied me two years ago to that So you're in a got like super industrial goth and then piano or kestrel jazz. Well, you know, this kind of this is a good This is a good topic because you saying this also reminds me of like when someone's like, do you want me to sit next to you on a plane? You know, I mean like when someone's like, uh, oh, we're not sitting together. I'm like, yeah, I don't care

Yeah, we're flying boys and girl. That's because like couples are right. So if like, like, what have I gone to lately? I went to a race like if you accompanied me to the race. It's cool. But you not being there. It's fine Like I'm just watching the race. Like there's not just some broad chirping in my ear. Hey, what's this? You know, like I don't have to explain what's going on some broad I mean your wife of 20 years mother of your two sons My casting champion

some broad chris the disrespect But you know, but I also get that because there are times like, uh I went to my high school. Look at me. I went to my 20 year high school reunion and my then girlfriend was in town Yeah, and she was like, can I come and I'm like, no She's like why and I was like in my head. I'm like first off. I know this is over second off Second off. I'm like

I don't want to spend the entire night going. This is gary. Yeah, here's how we knew each other Here's our inside jokes. This is what he meant by that. No, I want to fly through this same And get the fuck out and I'll see at the jazz club And uh, she just didn't get it. No, I totally get it. Yeah, it's like because what what is the thing you were saying about plane? Okay, so I was on the I was on a flight and I saw the the couple right and the they were in first class And their their seats were not next to each other and I watched the woman kind of freak out a little bit like But can I sit next to you gary and he the look on his face was so great because only I could see it He was like

Like I don't care, bitch because it was really only a two and a half hour flight Yeah And the difference between the the man and the woman was just so funny because he couldn't give a fuck and that's most dudes Most dudes are like, yeah Like i'm gonna either read this thing or watch this like who gives a shit who's sitting next to me for sure Yeah, and you're gonna and she's gonna go to sleep. Yeah Yeah, but you don't want somebody that you're familiar with next to you versus like a fatso who's spilling over I mean, I didn't know those were the two options

I didn't usually it's a fatso. That's the only thing you know that when you go I don't care who sits next to me the only person you really care about You don't want an enormous person sit next to you because then you're like, yeah doing this thing chatty catty or chat But that's why we all immediately go Yeah, and then I do this I go what's that and then I oh, I know Oh, yeah, yeah, and then I put it right back on. It's the signal is don't talk to me But somebody won't get it. They'll talk right now. Yeah, they'll be like, hey man Yeah, I fell asleep within time with a guy talking to me. I fell asleep

But that's so sad Brad Williams has the best story he woke up on a flight and the guy next one was wearing his headphones Yeah How I don't know But I could I could imagine just be like oh Oh, he's granting me a wish Oh my god, but yeah, thanks little fella That's crazy Thanks little buddy

Jesus, he stole his head. Did he say anything to the guy? I probably like Yeah, I did catch a guy kept he kept turning off my jet And yours off turning mine off because I was hot and I'd wake up and I'd be sweating I'd turn it back on no, and then I felt and I was laying there and I felt it Turn off and I was like this motherfucker And I turn it back on and I out of the corner of my eyes so I'm reach up and I grabbed his wrist No

Yeah, and he just that man wouldn't make eye contact with me the rest of the flight Yeah, that's crazy that he would turn yours. That's an overstep. That's a huge overstep I've had the other one where I don't want air on me and the lady sitting next to me She pointed the air at me instead of turning it off. Yeah, she like she didn't want hers on So instead of turning hers off. She just moved it to me. So now I'm like I feel Like you know a shot of air. I'm like the fuck is that and so I got I push it back because it's hers You know and she put it back to me and I'm like these turn off, you know You could just turn the thing off. Yeah, you know, I read someone reach over and open the window

Those are entitled and fucking lazy. Sorry. Have you ever had someone reach over and open the window? Oh, I To me that etiquette it is law How do you know you have to keep that shut shut? Especially if it's like a 6 a.m. or flight And they're like, I gotta do my computer work. You're like, no, you don't it's harder to see the computer anyway. Yeah Open someone else's shit. Oh no You need to look down on utah The window thing is a window. I think it's like there's two types of people in the world Shut it. You know the people who are like

The day has started and I would like light to beam in at all and you're like, it's fucking 5 30 in the morning right now Then we all got up at three to make this flight above the clouds So there's no breaking out. There's no, you know, I still am heard about the not wanting to sit next to the lady thing I just you don't want me. You don't want to feel my presence. Like I just I love you No, is it worth is it worth owens going up to a guy and going can you just you know, we planned poorly Yeah, that's the part that gets me is like the asking Yeah, this just happened. We went to hawaii For new years with the whole family and like, I mean lots of people moms just everybody and on that flight back

There was a couple and that guy goes, uh he goes up to Agent jeans who's with us and he's like, do you mind? Oh my god moving So that so that my girl can sit here and it was great because Andrew looks at me and I was like don't do that And and then the guy realized the guy realized it wasn't a guy flying alone And then he actually was like, oh, he's like, oh, you got like we're all flying together and he was like, okay Yeah, so they took it like an adult, you know sat down enjoyed the flight Funny thing is remember that guy he was like 48 and she was like she was like 22

It was but it was the greatest thing to watch because agent jeans was like nah, which is so new He was like nah, I'm gonna stay here. Yeah So that guy was 48 his girlfriend was like 21 And then he would get up and walk back to where she was sitting and like French her I just remembered that andrew actually he goes Right in front of the guy he goes guys we find move Wait, what did he say? Guy asked me to find move and I was like, oh, yeah, he's like, yeah, I told him

I told him flying here with you guys, you know, not He's the best Yeah, oh Can I tell the story now about what's happening on Easter since it's past? Oh, sure. Yeah. This is just a story about our agent jeans Andrew Russell the greatest agent of all time. Yeah, so I went to the to the well Should we why don't you set this up? I think this is a big story. We want me to set it up You're just always better at setting up stories. Um, well, we just got an email

Basically that came in from our agent that was like This is crazy But you've been invited to the white house By somebody in the administration, we don't know who But they want you guys to come and I was like that doesn't sound right. Yeah Um, can't be right and and then he was like, yeah, so you guys are Like invited formally to attend the easter egg hunt. Is this biden or trump biden? Okay, biden administration This just happened. This just happened. Okay. So we actually we got the first email months ago

And they're like, are you guys interested in coming? We were like, yeah, of course Here's you have to give a bunch of information the white house has to clear you So, you know, we just let it go but then months go by and then this email pops up. So my first thought is I I'm gonna meet the president with our family and everything. What do I wear? Yeah, and because the person that invited us as your mom's house fan. Yeah, I had this great idea wedding dress No dog Full denim denim on denim on denim on denim because it's jeans. It's a jeans world And I excitedly text my husband

And I was like, dude, I'm gonna wear fucking the canadian tuxedo to meet the press and he goes Hell, yeah, that's a great idea. And then I even I text agent jeans and I was like, I'm gonna wear the canadian tuxedo He's like, uh, please don't do that your children One day will want to see the photograph He was like your kids will be like 20 and be like look at these photos. Like the fuck are you wearing? And and then you'll be like it was a funny thing that we did and it'll be like it's not funny It's embarrassing. I can't show anybody these photos now And so I feel like these are all reasons you should do

Yeah, but we're comics and that's why I love agent jeans because he's a sensible human and he'll tell me the truth And uh, yeah, I thought that was so great. So you're gonna wear what? Adultery and cabana fucking rad blazer that my kids won't be embarrassed about, you know Like I'm gonna look like I'm gonna try to look like a normal lady, but it's sounds like fuck. Yeah, tits out You gotta tease him. You gotta taunt him. Yeah, and you gotta you gotta see if he goes like, yeah Wouldn't mind finding those eggs under my pillow. Yeah, like what's up, Jill? Yeah, you got tits like these Yeah, yeah Tits for tots tits for tots, bitch. That could be really fun

Yeah, but anyway, I'm just stoked that he's like a sensible human That andrew. Yeah, I would have worn denim on denim to meet the press I told you to give him you should give him something that says this is where it spits, you know, so he's like, oh, that's really, you know Really nice You're wearing Easter Bunny costume and so you'd look like the guy that came and flagged him away from the reporters That's where it spits. Yeah, tell him that. Yeah You've been at war for too long. I have been at war. Yeah You've been out fighting the afghans. Were you fighting? Not the afghans. The Bulgarians. Yeah, the Bulgarians were on the oil tanker. Yeah

Yeah, are they on your team or you're fighting the bulk? No, they're not on my team. I'm an American You're fighting the Bulgarians. Yeah, I didn't know Bulgaria had oil and steaks and oil I don't know either Okay, it's not poke holes in the game. Yeah, come on. Sorry. Sorry Oh, you don't get to fight real enemies. Like are you fighting Russia? Are we fighting like Like an updates with the news and stuff. Yeah, that'd be cool. Shit depends on what fucking map you pick There's just different places you can go you can't like go in and kill Putin Now shooting Putin is a fun one where you can go to suburbia. That's fun. You're just like walking around

You're just like, oh these kids are playing outside and you just you know, mow them down. No, no you've been try that You try to You try to protect them. Oh, you protect I'll just maybe the Given the news recently, I just figured maybe Here's a fun one How do we know what blind people are into? Here we go. I get asked and told all the time How do you know your sexuality though? If you can't see I was having a conversation with someone once

Someone asked me have I only ever been with women and I replied yes, and they said to me Well, how'd you know you're not on different sexuality then? How'd you know you're just straight now? I find this a little bit ridiculous because it kind of implies that you have to try out all the genders or Sexualities to figure out what you are you just know and I figured out as I've grown up I don't have any attraction to any other gender than female. Yeah, that's what's up, dude Okay, you can still smell you can smell things When I was younger so I could form my own opinions

But my views on attraction have really changed as I lost my vision and went blind. So obviously when I had vision I did think to myself core. She's quite fit. She's hot. I love that. That's nice But actually as I lost my vision it's transitioned into other senses So for example tone of voice sound of voice I love a woman with a soft voice things like smells there are certain perfumes and fragrances that just really capture my attention And I think I like that. I wonder what that person's like. And that's the first step of attraction for me I guess and of course there's touch when I first interact with someone I can probably tell that they've got lovely soft skin And they look after themselves and then later on if things get a bit more physical the shape of their body

There's obviously attractions that I have with that as well Wow, that's interesting I wonder if they actually give a fuck about their personality. Let's see And then of course we move on to personality Lastly if I click with someone if I bounce off of someone that's normally the first steps to being attracted to someone This doesn't have to be in face-to-face interaction I remember when I first got with my current girlfriend Natalie when we were talking online before university I thought I love the way we're messaging

I love the way we're interacting and I was instantly attracted to her even without meeting her hearing her voice smelling her knowing what her skin's like Anything like that, which is kind of cool when you think about it Hmm pretty cool. Do you close your eyes? What's your favorite thing about me? What You're in the oculus again, aren't you? Oh, hold on. I see my brothers. They need me. I'm coming I like the way you smell you've got a very unique fragrance

You have like a body smell that I like. Yeah, always. It's very interesting and very um Since day one. I told you I like how you think how you smell. I think you thought I was I'm joking You like how tom smells? I think you thought I was joking with I've never in all the time. I've no I'm not exaggerate I've never smelled any BO on you. Thank god. Yeah, I think it's fucking weird though. I've known you so long Thank god Not once not even one time where I was like wow you need a shower. Where'd it go? That's awesome. Yeah. Well, I generally shower every day I don't know where you're very. Yeah, you're hygienic you start your mornings with showers

You like you always have a shot, but like not even once where I've been like you should use it, you know my armpits Yeah, that's cool. Do I have to smell but like a lady like a lady smell. What's my lady smells? Yeah, of course you smell What do you think you smell? No, like like like my skin not my badge, you know what I mean like That's what I meant not when I said lady smell I meant like yeah, we knew what you meant Everybody everybody knew what you meant not a person in here was like she's talking about her veg I just didn't clarify Sounded different Nobody was thinking what's her pussy smell? Chris. Do you know what a Lenovo is?

What would you think a Lenovo? This isn't a brand of computer. Yeah. Yeah, dude. She just learned about this Did you think it was like part of a vagina Do you know the difference between a cheetah and a leopard spots Yeah, we bought a crocodile and an alligator. I got that tooth Rounded snout One's more water-based. We got another one today if you want to play You want to play? All right. All right. So make me feel stupider than I am Seals versus sea lions. Oh fuck

Forget it. I fail. I see this one. I don't know really lines are brown They bark loudly. They walk on land using their large flippers have visible ear flaps Seals have small flippers wriggle on their bellies on land and lack visible ear flaps. Oh, that's pretty When are you ever gonna need to know that because I love them so much Never they're so cute. We're being attacked by a sea lion actually buddy. That's a seal that's about to kill us All right. Oh, they're so cute. Take it down the dove Here you go, Christine. All right. All right. So hold on. Let me see this a seal waddles on the floor Fuck your mother

The sea lion is brown and has visible ear flaps. I had to write this down so that I could call That tom, what do you see? That's an adorable fucking sea lion that I want as a pet. Wow May I please have one? Oh Oh, do they make good pets? They're excellent home pets Because I went to the zoo and I saw a mirror cat. I was like, I want a mirror cat That'd be awesome. And then I did a bunch of research and they're like, you do not want a mirror cat I think you definitely don't want either one of these anywhere near your home

Well, that guy's on his belly. What's that smell? Oh, I got a seal I don't want you to think that's my badge. I have a seal Um, okay, I think I see your flaps. I'm going to go sea lion. All right, and God, they're so cute. I don't know. Can you tell the difference chris? I already forgot the differences good That's a sea lion Okay Well, that one's got the flaps though. That's the flap. So that's gonna be a seal, right? That's the seal Oh my god, they're so cute

This is sea lion That one looks like it's nose. It's doing a photo shoot. I know He's like, I am adorable. He's like, I'm on the nirvana cover Here we go. Christine you got number one correct. That is a sea lion. Oh my god. You got number two Incorrect. That is a seal You got number three incorrect. That is a seal You got number four incorrect. That is a sea lion Not a seal and you got number five

Correct This is not bad. Two out of five What about a d? That's uh, I thought you were talking about passing and I failed. That's what I tell you to go for in school Get two out of five Five Two out of five Hi, um, I hope to get this video response The guy that did the uh, shitting and gave the description of his shit. Um, I would love to talk to him and

uh, hear from him. In fact, I would like to uh Get some more videos of him taking a shit. I'm blind and I just like this for fun. It's just a fun thing and um, trying to find a friend on youtube here that Uh, would understand and would be willing to share whenever he's got to take a dump. Um I uh, always have enjoyed poop humor and I like aviation videos on here as well What the fuck? Well, this turned this led us down the blind hole You know the blind rabbit hole of like why we because we were like how do blind people know what they're into?

And then of course it You know the guy explained it very well on the last one He was like of course you just your other senses are developed and smell and touch and personality But then we you know, this guy's what prompted it all old shit eyes. They call him because uh, he's A blind man that just wants to hear guys take dumps How do you feel chris? Disturbed. Yeah, I feel real disturbed. Um, can he just get like a fart machine?

I don't think that does it for him doesn't he wants to know he wants it what you ate organic where you ate it Yeah, when you like and then he also doesn't want he wants the orange background noise We I don't want to hear laughing and chatter like make sure it's real clear. Here's our Yeah, I just want you to be sick. No, it is. Oh, so he wants it solid. No, no Well, it can be diarrhea. He just doesn't like somebody told I guess somebody wanted to Entertain him so they took a laxative and they ended up throwing up. He was like I didn't like Enjoy that one Just the back door not the front. Yeah

So here's the deal is that he claims that this is just quote for fun. It's a fun thing Do you think it's possible that this is just a fun thing or doesn't make his peener hard? I I feel like it is sexual. I think it's got to be sexual because I mean still I mean It's still fun. Right, but yeah the one thing about we've watched a number of his videos and we're never gonna stop but he um He never he never actually Even implies arousal. It's very interesting the way he navigates the videos

He he does it very matter of fact like that was a great video I'd love for you to send more but never like expresses any, you know Most of the time if it were something like Somebody like oh, I like watching someone Pete. They'll be like that was hot like he never says never There's never language that implies that he's aroused But do you think he just does that as a he is just a good cover? Yeah, well, that's as soon as he turns off the cab, he's just Blah blah blah. Yes. Yes. Yeah, that's right. That's kind of my vibe. Yeah, he's pretending. He's pretending

He's just like a normal guy. This is a video. Are we shirtless shitting? August 23rd 20 Oh eight Um, he's shirtless. I think this one's got him interesting the audio was really great on that Uh, name is bob. I wouldn't mind you doing some more Um videos like that and sending them to my channel. I like that kind of humor. It was fun humor Humor a lot of these videos on here is too much clutter and noise and stuff like that. I don't like that and um

I'd be interested to To know what you were showing in the picture since i'm a blind person so I'm friend. I only have one friend bob and it's kid rock So whatever one sends someone some bob. I like I visioned him And so I just had this vision of fucking kid right now. I was like filming it. Yeah Yeah It's uh, he's so funny. Isn't it isn't his house really cool. I heard that his house. Yeah, he built a

The white house duplicate. He built a white house. Yeah, I went to it. Yeah I went to it and when it was under construction and I was like holy shit. It's pretty crazy. That's rad He had my fam. Uh, he had my family up there. Uh, we had a show down there A couple months ago and uh, that's the detroit home, but it looks very similar. Oh, so he's got two white houses Yeah, but the he there was a double wide. Yeah, and then He one day I showed up and he was like, I went to the white house to decide on a one-on-one And he built it I've got a photo of it. That's amazing. Um

But yeah, it's uh, it's a it's finished now and it's just it's I think kid uh, Theo said it's two bedrooms and all party. It's it has it was like something crazy a square footage wise And he's like, there's two bedrooms here. Yeah, that's right. Makes sense though. You don't have kids or family 15,000 square feet and there's two bedrooms. There's a bowling alley. Great. And then he's got two Uh, guest houses on either side. Yeah, and the Oh, like a rogers are always platinum records. Oh, and it's it's pretty rock solid. Yeah He seems like a fun hand. He's a great dude, man. He's super genuine We don't agree on a lot politically and he's completely fine with that

That's great. Like as as opinionated as he is. He's very much like everybody believes something. Yeah and uh Everybody does believe something. Hi, this is bob. Um, I'm doing a Yeah video from my cam My webcam. Oh, he's uh, appreciate you getting back with me the other night. You um, you're one of the few that that have and I I would appreciate your understanding and cooperation Um, please do share whenever you got to take a shit. Okay. I like every shit is different

Yeah, okay. I like hearing loose ones Oh Those parts too I don't want you to do the laxative thing anymore. Obviously We learned our lesson last time through and of course, literally my point of the throwing up part wasn't particularly My forte, I I don't like hearing people throw up. It's scary to me. It's scary to me Okay, um, here you go, christine. Thank you. I want to show chris what you tell chris what he's about to do

Chris, I am a curator of videos on tiktok. I like to showcase the marginalized communities people that don't necessarily have a voice Okay, okay I just want to get laid Is there anybody real anybody real? I mean finally someone just coming out and saying it usually the guys have a ploy some kind of thing See you give him the oculus. You don't see him again. No, but he also looks like the guy that's on the side of the street With the sign that says i'm not gonna lie. I just want a beer. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Yeah same guy Yeah, uh for my friend Sharon

by mad love that one How do you like me now though? Love it just got off work a while ago having Checking you out on take Oh What can I tell you like the real problem with this the tiny nipples that he uploaded it to like this is a video you send to Sharon, yeah My favorite you send her this

And then it's fine right, but I like it when they don't have an awareness. They don't know this goes out This is probably thinks he sent it to yeah, exactly. He's like, yeah Yeah, oh you what you saw that? Oh, shit. Oh, damn damn And he's off work, but he's still sitting in his truck. So I wish he would go somewhere else, you know Can you imagine being this kid dude's family like how was your day? Well, I saw my grandpa's nipple on tiktok And and then he was flirting and raising his eyebrow. Yeah. Anyway, I'm gonna go write a note and end it He's super cool. I recently changed my pronouns to they she and he I like those used interchangeably All three are your pronouns. That's all but also no one gives a fuck. No one gives a fuck

But if they can be used I yeah, yeah, I changed mine to all the available pronouns. Yeah, like that's You're just all of them. I don't know Don't make me decide like if you're gonna give me three options like fuck you you decide and then you tell me what to call you Don't make me choose it. If you tell me all three, we're just all gonna say she yeah And then you're gonna be like, hey, what's the deal bro? Yeah, how come you keep saying she because you left it as an option Yeah, it's on the list. So I have an update for everybody about um my eyes because You know, a lot of people have been saying like, you know, why would you worry about the eyes? Whatever

So I talked to the doctor and um, it was great. You know, he told me all the the risks and complications that could come um So we are gonna start doing my eyes. Um Um I'm like really excited about it and nervous all at the same time. This is removal. Um, yeah, I would hope so so Middle of february, I'll probably be going to get my Eyes done. They're gonna start

Around the orbital bone. So like don't make it closer all around here where the bone is Yeah, that's the orbital bone. They're gonna try and like pull the eyelid up as much as they can To get as much as the black as they can um, I will be getting ocular shields, but There's I think I got the update. I think I'm good. Yeah, but wait Why would a lot of people tell you not don't bother with the I think she's saying that because Maybe that the removal can damage. She's like, yeah, I'm gonna have protect and they're gonna do it this way You know, I thought it was an aesthetic choice. She's like, it looks so good. It doesn't look good. You know, she's used to every day

She's used to every day someone going like Like Jesus Christ. That's so fucking along or asking what you did last night. Yeah, and they're like, oh, no, this is permanent So crazy and then a thousand questions about the fuck we do heroin. Yeah, how many drugs do you have to be on? So she she made that one video. I remember her. She was like, yeah, people ask me about my face I do a lot of drugs. You're probably gonna get to see her at that concert. You're going Oh, I hope so sister's a mess Oh god, no goths don't do this. Oh, there's david gold seven one three five days I

Things just didn't seem to go right today. Everything was a nightmare And a lot of headaches and little fires I had to put out but nothing really worked my way Well, the workout That's it. That's where it ends. He's working out It ends like that. Yes, baby. Did he die david gold seven one three five He doesn't die. He does make horrible choices with his camera angles and he's 70 years old And he likes to tell you that he's in good shape and he works out every day Tells you about his work and he makes like brisket and stuff. He's cool. Okay. I like his boobs

More aggressive filling in of the black tattooing. Oh, look at that's multiple needles at once. It's like a paintbrush You have tats, right? No, do you? No, I don't have any tats, but it just feels like christina. I have one awful tramp stamp Yeah, okay, but this lane of like paint me in fully black is so cool I don't so intense. I uh, there was a waitress at the 101 cafe that for years How in hollywood that uh, I was all tatted up to her neck And I was there the day she came to the table and she was like for the first time in my life I regretted my tattoos today. Oh And I was like did she tell you why kind of all in

She wanted to wear a dress Oh, and she just realized, you know, I think she just got to the age where she was like, yeah, yeah Oh, maybe yeah, I should have given myself an option. Yeah that full like full ink Like what they're just like black ink For a for a whole region of my body. Yeah. Well, so so what's her name has done that? Yeah, so cat von d I she did this to her arm Well, I think she wants to I think she wants to do it to both arms and a leg She has it on. Yeah. Anyway, she but what she said is like, look, I got these tattoos when I was really young

And I was using drugs and now I'm this mom and I'm mature and I want to cover up these tats I mean, it looks cool though. There's one where she like twirl like you can see it I mean, it looks cool She can do that though Because she's cat von d goth mistress awesome town. Is that her foot? Those are her those are her feet right there on the left That had hurt so bad Fuck, I know she's this is a tattoo ideas, right? I'm not sure is that her So she has arms fully blacked out

I also don't get like what Because usually like tattoos are a design or phrase or something and you're like Yeah, this is like an expression, but if you just go like I just put black ink on like, what are you expressing there? What is I mean? I guess you could say that's an expression itself. Yeah, that's her leg right there. Yeah. Yeah, look at her left leg Mm-hmm. Oh that one. Mm-hmm I like it though. I'm telling you. She's kind of a bad. Yeah. Well, she's you're right at her back Is she doing her back too? Is that her she's covering her back tattoo. So she's going full black

That's so but I wonder too. Does it fade over time? Does she have to go back and refresh it every decade or something? Yeah, like does it yeah, I think you have it definitely. Yeah, it definitely fades You just can't go on the side Sharpie up before you leave I think she has her black card now. I think it's fair. I mean, I mean, how is it now? I mean, I was kind of wondering that internally like that's a little racial felt like it First time I saw it. No, we any do you do black face? No, I do black everywhere else though

And he said if it was caramel he said yeah, he said and he said caramel caramel brown tattoo. Yeah Yeah Man that is intense and listen mad props to Kat Von D. I'm a huge fan. Yeah, she's she goes full goth Her house is full goth. She does like everything goth. I feel like it's like the monsters It's so radical. Can you go to her instagram and just show like Like her kid is goth the husband. She still is an artist, right? She still does And she does music now. Her husband's a musician. She's a musician. I as you can tell I'm obsessed. I follow They're they are they're fucking so awesome, dude

Mad respect and there's that's her husband. He's in a cholo goth band. Okay Cold prayers now. She's definitely cool as fuck. She's always been cool. Yeah. Oh, you can see oh shit Go um Close that Right there. Yeah, that one you're holding nowhere. She's holding up the shoes. You can see her arms clearly there So, oh, yeah, the upper sleeve on the left arm is totally inked out I think she's gonna hold up. I mean, I guess it's what you got to do if you want to cover everything She um

Yeah, she didn't like what she'd done earlier. So she decided to cover That's why I never got a tattoo. I know was because I knew 20 years down the road. I'd be like, well, I don't like the black crows that much. Yeah you know The fact that you could like see that because that is the that's the thing is that people like, I love this band I love this movie. Yeah, I love this girl Oh, the girl is like the most common one, but the fact that you were even as much as you I know how much you love the black Crows like it's just funny that you'd be like, no. Yeah, I know that

But wait a minute. Sadly, I've loved bow house since I was 15 Yeah, but you still have to you didn't get them tattoo. No, that's the point. Do you still love the black crows? Yeah But I'm friends with them now and I'm sure if I was like, yo, man, they'd be like, you don't get to hang out with us anymore For sure. Yeah No, you would not be like hang out with me if someone has a tattoo of you on them. Yeah Yeah, like if someone's like, I got I got a tattoo. I'll be like, that's cool, man Good to meet you. Good to meet you. Yeah Yeah, I also know where you live

Oh my god, dude. No, thank you Oh, this is asmr Cleaning out the ears this Indian guy. It's like the finger in I hate it That's got a hurt. They also do this. They put the finger in the ear. So strange. I hate it. How is that real? How's he asleep? I don't know. He loves it. He's probably just putting himself in another place that move or they actually put the finger in the ear No, can that make your eardrum pop or can't that hurt you? I don't even get that deep in there. Yeah Put the suction I was blind from birth until just a few years ago when I'm answering some questions

So what shocked me the most when I got my eyesight. Um, I have to actually say I did What I looked like I had no idea what I looked like So I would go into stores with those mirrors on the wall and I saw myself and I actually said hello to myself because I thought I was a different person and like I had a complete identity crisis because I It's a little weird when you can't recognize yourself, right? It's it's it's kind of a little disturbing like everything you knew about yourself is wrong Okay So yeah, that's a great question. Um, anyway, keep the questions coming in the comments and I will answer them as soon as I can

Holy shit. So she got her eyesight So she just had an issue that because technology had progressed They had figured out how to fix and so you don't know how lucky you are right now I would say once every 40 episodes she pulls an interesting Video This is one of those times it's amazing. Yeah. Yeah Oh, and then um, she said they asked her a question like What are you surprised about other people and she's like I'm surprised other people care about their appearance as much as they do

Because I never did you just got shocked when you saw yourself. Of course you care about your appearance No, no, but I mean like people will be so obsessed about their imperfections or whatever and yeah, dude I would be so disappointed if you first gate. I would fucking dude if I saw myself for the first time now I'd be like Motherfucker. I'd walk into traffic if I saw myself for the first time I seriously if like this was a rebel. I would be like, oh, where is all this confidence come from? I've been talking shit. Yeah I need to call a bunch of people and apologize. Well, let me see him first. I'm so sorry

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Just go through instagram go never talking to him again. Oh my god. Sorry ago Uh, and this is this is amazing. This one's amazing. I would follow. I would follow this storyline I'd love to watch more of these actually. It's really interesting I'm married to a Filipino and this is a re-bottle to a lot of the videos going around He looks like a guy that's married to a man that men are going overseas to find themselves a poor uneducated slave of a wife. Oh my god And uh, I just want to tell you it's not like that at all. No, it's not. I've been married to my Filipino for

four years now and we've known each other Six or seven years. I've been going to Philippines for for many years. Yeah for what reason I didn't go to find myself a wife I went on vacation because it's an absolutely beautiful country and horrors are cheap First thing you realize when you get off the plane is how great the people are. Yeah, you're right. Do you suck dick on demand? Yeah This is this guy's full of shit. Yeah This is how you have to this is the narrative of the guy that doesn't First off, he called her my philippine. Yeah, like it's adult

And it's the same spin as like the blind guy being like like like fart videos, you know Where they are putting out this message of like I'm not into the sexuality like this is I love the beaches there just happen the people are just Philippines people coming from a undeveloped or developing Country there's not a lot of extra money It's and I have money so it helps. Yeah, but yet they're super happy because they have friends and family They treat me nicely because I do have money and which I take them away from their friends and family relationships with people that they love So in turn, they're very kind. They're very

caring They're very desperate and they're super super loyal Mainly because you keep them in a basement once you Fall in love and get married with one. That's it. That's it. Like my wife says you couldn't get rid of me if you tried You're stuck with me forever. That sounds more of like a threat So Oh in north korea chris if you want to meet a lady in north korea you have to donate a bunch of money to the government Obvi and once you get married if you get divorced

You will have to take a job as a very low worker. Yeah, you'll be shunned by society They reduce like your Ability to earn income if you get a divorce really have to give up your government housing It's me and it's cool. I feel like it's the exact opposite of the united states. Yeah, I know, right? Yeah Yeah, I know everyone has their panties in a bunch right now about how I have licked my own excrement before But I will say I do not do that anymore. I have learned And if I do do it, I make sure it's clean Usually, um, but I also don't do it with other people so I can't catch strep from them

And that's why I haven't gotten strep in over a year claps Thank you. Thank you. Okay. First of all, who the fuck was that? Super cute Yeah, and she She licks her own excrement. Yeah, she's I think an adult performer. Oh, really? I mean, here's the thing. What's that handle her account? Her account Intimates that she she does like she talks about it, but you don't see her doing it is what I'm saying She'll be like today. I'm in London doing this and that and it's always licking her own shit

It's not always she's just saying I don't do it anymore. You know, where is that idea originating? That's looking around poopy. It's not it's not step two. I'll tell you that it's um It's Let's raise the stakes. Yeah always. Yeah. Yeah, you got like when you're like I pull else. Have I not done You know, I've been pulling my poop out of the toilet and looking at it. Yeah, what can I do now? How is it sterile? But how is she she's like it's it's not it's never you can run a Clorox wipe over it all you want to yeah, it's never shit. It's shit And like she's like it's been over a year since I got an infection. Ha ha ha strap

Really crazy. And then she was like, oh, I don't do it with other people now. I do it myself I do it alone because there was a time when you had people over and we're like we're licking shit tonight folks And she got strep, but she seems doesn't do that. That seems like the least of your worries. Yeah, that's um, that is a fucking I thought that was a cool one. You didn't like that one. No, it's it's extremely interesting. Yeah Yeah, it's her name is not Billy Eilish Billy Eilish you google Billy Eilish. No, I didn't Yeah, I'm trying to see what the thing is She's got a lot of followers, right? She is cute. Yeah, she's cute. Could you imagine dating her?

I mean, she brings you home. She's like, you know what I like to do when I go home. Oh my god Smoke weed lick shit Smoke weed lick shit. I mean, how about the high view one like over there? It's like 1.4. The first left top left Or sorry, second one. Yeah Everyone try to cancel me. Why'd they try to Oh, oh, so maybe she's like she's getting paid to do this stuff, right? Yeah, maybe yeah, like only fans. Yeah Yeah, yeah, let's see. What's your licking shit price? You're on tiktok. They're making offers. It's gotta it's gotta be up there

I mean, I know it's it's not going to be like the price of a car, but it's in the thousands Oh, like brown for her. Yeah, I'm sure it is hate to say it. Oh, no, I'm saying like for me. Yeah. No, dude It's it's not happening I started fucking homeless guys. I stopped dating trying to start Yeah, I mean, she's this is a wild animal this child this this kid is gonna end up is fucking And a documentary, which is I think if I'm signing up for only fans. I want a fucking lunatic. Yeah, like, you know, I mean like She's crazy. She's perfect. Yeah. She's great. She's a good time. Yeah. What else? I'm all about it anything else here

I hate to say it but life got a lot better when I stopped pursuing a medical career and started being a foul birdbrain bimbo Oh How did you fucking so what I want to see is what was what's the one that came out before she said Oh, people are giving me a hard time for lick in my own excrement Yeah, that was around there. She is that's a response. That's the kaka Where's the kaka? He's on it right there. That's the kaka when you're on it. That is click it in the dog Okay, lexapro five milligrams. I started taking it when I got off my hormonal birth control No, this is not the one. It's just the same background. So whatever has the same five milligrams

That seems like a lot of what lexapro. Yeah. No, that's like a baby dose Because like two milligrams of xanax is oh, that's a different. Yeah, that's that'll knock you the fuck out That's different two milligrams those bars man. I used to take xanax recreationally Uh, it's when in my 20s. Uh-huh. I just you lose so many days. Yeah Two milligrams is up there. Well, look you guys have your homework. Let's get to know this kid Yeah All right. Well, listen you can watch chris porters. There's no money in babies right now. It's available right now on youtube

Thank you for coming. Oh, thanks for having me man. It's good to see you guys. See you too. Thank you And we'll see you guys next time. Bye mommy I always be glassy Jeans stay high and tight because I never be sagging all white land when I whipped through the traffic One more soup. Yep. Thank you for asking germinated gun ain't shit. You could tell me I always do it big like birth crash belly and father haters don't fuck up my pronouns. He's urgent, but I ask for It goes down Before it goes down

You already know that my farts got the cream married my mom got divorced in a week Shout out to ellison shout out to beef shout out to bristle for ranking my shits come when I hugged to the buy Then I did get fucked by a ghost every time I do drugs. They hold up my farts every time I make love The fuck you doing, man? I got diarrhea. I got diarrhea. The fuck you doing, man? I got diarrhea. I got diarrhea. What the fuck you doing, man? I got diarrhea. I got diarrhea taking sevens all day You feel me? No, I'm saying I'm parley and bad Or fluid gender. I can hardly decide. I'm parley and bad

Or fluid gender. I can hardly decide. I'm parley and bad Or fluid gender. I can hardly decide. I'm parley and bad Fuckin' your mom's house in a car when I'm mad Did you like that full episode of your mom's house? Are your jeans As high and tight as they can be? Without it. Watch some more clips, dude. Look at that one Watch that one right here. Or maybe here. Maybe here. Maybe you should subscribe That way, every time a new video gets posted, you'll be notified. Stay in the know, jeans. Subscribe. Now.