Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Tom's Face Overshadowed Matthew McConaughey | YMH Ep. 786

Episode Date: November 20, 2024

Get your original Tim Segura Portrait over at the YMH Store: https://store.ymhstudios.com/products/smooth-operator-autographed-8x10-print Christina just released her brand new shades of lipstick, Atomic Red, Berlin and Madison: https://christinap.com/collections/christina-p-lipsticks SPONSORS: Visit https://bluechew.com with promo code: YMH to receive your first month FREE. Head to https://www.squarespace.com/MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code MOM. OMG Mommies! What a show we have for you today! We kick off the show with Tom's brand new, totally real beard that he grew in and address all the fun comments fans made on his 2 Bears episode with Mr. Matthew McConaughey. Tom then opens the show with a clip of Double Soul Shaman Will Blunderfield serenading us with a song about a dude spreading his cheeks open. Next, Tom and Christina catch up on everything going recently, there was also an election or something, which leads to Tom and Christina discovering who the hottest First Lady of all time is. They also talk about their trip up to Dallas Cowboys stadium to take in the Jake Paul Vs. Mike Tyson fight and Tom's new friend Adam "Pacman" Jones. We also have a #YMHExclusive that'll bring a smile to your face and Tom hypes up a jacket. The main mommies also discuss the viral goth Boise State beach volleyball player, watch some Horrible or Hilarious clips, check out some new videos of that greasy pepperoni man, also there's a guy who farts to people over the phone, some of Christina's fabulous curations from TikTok and so much more. You're gonna LOVE this high and tight episode! Your Mom’s House Ep. 786 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. I love a great deal as much as the next guy, but I'm not going to crawl through a bed of hot coals just to save a few bucks. It has to be easy. So when Mint Mobile said it was easy to get wireless for $15 a month with the purchase of a three-month plan, I called them on it. Turns out it really is that easy to get wireless for 15 bucks a month. We use Mint Mobile at the studio and I'm telling you it really was super easy to get set up with them. To get this new customer offer and your new three month premium wireless plan

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additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. Hi, Jean, I'm so happy to be back. I'm happy to be here. Looking very natural, very relaxed, very calm. Feeling good. I got a lot of people

commented on the fact that I had a shaved head and a shaved face. Not just that, you guys grew back. Had Matthew McConaughey on to Bears One Cave and the majority of the comments were about your lack of a beard. Overwhelming. Yeah. People were not talking about the Oscar award winning A-lister. No. They were talking about my face. And here's the thing, they weren't that nice about it. That's weird. It was very strange.

Why, what were they saying? Not nice things. My favorite comment, you told me, and they're like, I think Christina gave Tom her cancer. It's pretty funny. Well here, here's some of the comments. The beard looks like a baby who grew up fast. That's funny.

Tom looks like he's been boiled. Tom going full Dallas Buyers Club for this guest. The movie where Matthew McConaughey had AIDS. Oh, sure. Yeah, let's see. Who's the human hot dog sitting next to Bert? That's a good one. Invisalign really did a number on Tom.

Oh. Why is John Lovett hanging out with Tom, with Bert and Matthew? I mean, Tom looks like the neighbor. I mean, I thought I looked like a normal guy. Can I tell you something? I actually, you photograph really well without the neighbor. I mean, I thought I looked like a normal guy. Can I tell you something? I actually, you photograph really well without the beard. In real life, it was very jarring and alarming

and those comments were accurate. But I feel like when you're photographing, it's really nice. Why in per, why was it jarring in person? It's just not you. And I don't like how expressive you are. See right now, this is the level of expression I'm used to, where your mouth is covered,

everything's covered, it's just very placid and beige. You don't like me being more expressive? Nope, not at all. It's very weird, because I'm not used to you having feelings and stuff. At first you were like, oh, this is nice, I can see, I didn't know you have teeth. Yeah, your teeth are not as yellow

as I thought they were when you had a beard. Beardless Tom is post-nut clarity in human form. Oh my God, it's so true. It's so true. I think that's a good. Now that is the John Segura. It's John Segura. Tom looks like an aggressive lesbian.

No, I don't see that. Do you like that one? He's really liking it. And he liked that one. Is Tom dying from Christina's cancer? Sure fucking looks that way. That's funny. Tom with a beard is like seeing an owl's legs.

Well, that's funny. Tom looks like the word ringworm. I mean. That's so true. Oh, and his reaction when I walked in that day was just. Oh, he's like slinging the legs of an owl. That's so true. That's so true. Holy shit, I didn't even know they had legs like that. Dude, will you chill out? That day All this shit, I don't even know they had legs like that dude, will you chill out that's a man that is a hundred percent accurate

He laughs hysterically Funny shit Because I thought you were just one of those fucking poros those niggas, you know I'm saying One of the investors or whatever hey hey what's up that ain't you dog you're Timothy without that's so true is Timothy cuz you're already pretty white guy but then it takes it to another level super white guy the whole world has been taken over by Timothy Cigarra In fact, I would like to share something that I have done in honor of your lack of facial hair It took the world by storm and to commemorate this once-in-a-lifetime thing that we saw Tom without his facial hair.

It's like Hailey's comment. It's never gonna happen again in your lifetime. I have drawn. This took days, days. I have- You've really been getting into like painting and drawing and everything. I've got a lot of free time.

My hobbies, I'm into hobbies and stuff. And I sat down and this took about a month to do. It's only been a couple weeks, but okay. This is Tom right now. And what I love about this is the attention to detail. He doesn't seem to appreciate it, but people in the art world have really been enjoying it. Let's start with the top, the head.

I have it up on the screen for you. Oh, sure. I love, I did there, I like the attention to detail, the red splotches on the top of your head, you know, from various sunburn or just the pink hue in your skin, it just gets pinker up there. The eyebrows are still the meanies,

you've always got those meanies going. Beautiful blue eyes, as blue as the sea. And then the dark rings under them, you know, just that's always going to be there. The patchy, blotchy, swollen, puffy darkness. And then the nose. Now some people would say, oh, that's not Tom's nose. It's Tom's future nose. I thought I would kind of give the picture a little time travel element. It's what's his name, our favorite guy from the Coming to America. Mm.

John Amos. John Amos nose. And you got those beautiful mouth. That's a beautiful mouth. Beautiful full lips. And then the chest hair and the beige. I didn't have a beige crayon, so I used yellow. Well, real top tier work.

Now, are you selling prints? Of course I am. I'll be selling these on ymhstudios.com, signed of course to commemorate Tom's baby face. What's the price on these? I haven't decided yet. What do you think? I mean, you tell me.

I mean, it looks really, really like high level stuff. It is, Tom. Took me a long time. It's very cool. I haven't decided yet. Maybe a little bit. People also demanded, by the way, like so entitled, we demand an explanation.

So I'll give you the explanation because you demand it. I did it for, I had to do it for a television show that I've been shooting For a part that I I don't want to give away why when you see it you'll go. Oh this makes sense Yeah, but that's why I didn't do it just cuz I felt on a whim Well, no, I've been trying to get you to shave this beard for 15 years You won't do it both my parents my dad was alive and my mom are out there always like police My dad, but I want you to just get rid of this shit? Yeah, and my mom's like, please shave, please

Well, the last time you had a bare face is when we were married. It's very long 2008 17,000 years ago feels like five million. It feels a lot longer. Yeah Yeah, well, yeah It grew back very fast my hair my head grew back. It's amazing. What have you been doing? Just taking vitamins, man. Yeah.

You're on a lot of supplements and such. Supplements and vitamin. I went to the gym this morning. Had one of those protein shakes you like. Well, they gave you massive farts. That's a problem. I love that people are very upset by your lack of a drink. Very mad at me, but I get it

It's and then I get I get like one out of 200 messages would be like I think it looks good Don't don't listen to everybody. Thank you. Yeah, I was like, oh, thanks But it is, you know, we all know you as bearded bearded Tom bear Tom I don't like it when you change your appearance either. I'm back. Yeah, your owl's legs face. That's so good.

So, it's a really, I gotta tell you, I feel real good today. This is nice going over all these comments and hearing your breakdown. You got it. This beautiful painting. Let's uh. Yeah, ymhstudios.com.

Let's open the show. Get your print now. Get your print now, here we go. He spreads my cheeks And he makes me scream He's my number one daddy gonna make him cream Inside of me while he's kissing so softly Got a nice voice good job well

don't bring anyone else into this so mom where the fuck is dad welcome to your mom's house meow meow meow meow and Christina projects in his screen house oh shit almost fucked up Oh shit. Almost fucked up.

Fuck. There you go, Will Blunderfeld. It's got a nice voice. He has an amazing voice. Also, what I love about Will Blunderfeld, because's got a nice voice. He has an amazing voice. Also, what I love about Will Blunderfield, because I keep up with him on the Gram, Tom, is he finds unique, different ways every single day to advertise homosexuality to straight men. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't think it's really about that.

I think it's about just becoming comfortable with your own masculinity. I don't like the way you pivoted that. You know, I'm sorry. I'm making cream inside of me. That's something a straight guy can do. Of course, no, but like the yesterday's post is like, if you're not sucking on your bro's hummus cannon, don't expect to attract the ladies.

Exactly. If you really wanna attract ladies. If you are straight and you like women, one of the straightest things you can do is spend time nude with your friends. Your bros. With your guy friends and suck their nipples, cup their balls.

I've been saying this, it just feels, I feel validated by Will becoming kind of more well known. But kind of doesn't it make sense on a level? Oh yeah, tons of sense. Well no, I'm being serious because- I'm being serious too. You're just generating more testosterone. More testosterone, yeah.

More male hormone. If you're straight, fuck a guy. Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing straighter than that. Yeah, of course. He makes a lot of sense. I'm gonna, I've been really, I've been scared because I'm kind of, I guess I'm kind of homophobic, but yeah, I've been really I've been scared because I'm kind of I guess I'm kind of homophobic but

Yeah, I've been wanting to Fuck a guy. You should try it. Yeah, I think I think you should do it Can I say the time to do it? Yeah is now before people start recognizing you? Yeah, because we walk down the streets and it's a little less people recognize you you could probably get away with Fucking a normal guy in a bar right now totally You don't have to go to an escort is what I'm saying Yeah, I love Will's passion he's very passionate very passionate he spreads And what he creams in his, where does he cream?

Creams inside of him, inside of him. In his B? Yeah. Wow. As he kisses him softly. Oh, that's so nice. He's his number one daddy. Yeah.

But then the thing is, you leave there and you're like, I feel like fucking a chick. That's, I think what happens. I'm so juiced up. I'm so juiced up with all this jizz in my ass. I feel like giving it to a girl now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It really, when you think about it,

you're like, oh, I'm full from the back, and now I wanna give it to the front to a girl. God, that makes so much sense. It makes a lot of sense. Who would you make gay love to? I hope it's somebody I don't know yet. They say first impressions are important, but what about lasting impressions?

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Check out squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash mom to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Why not? Would you just hear me out? Would you try Will because he has so much? No, I'm too connected to him. I not? Would you just hear me out? Would you try Will? Because he has so much. No, I'm too connected to him. I just know him too well.

You need to have. I need to start. Emotional distance. Just a stranger? Yeah, don't know you. Go, you know, hook him horns, whatever. And you just, yeah. Get in there.

And then like, wow, that was crazy. I'm super straight. And then just go. Yeah. Be like, hey, babe. Hey, babe. Where you been? I'd be like, I was just fucking working. I'm super straight and then just go. Yeah. You know. Be like, hey babe. Hey babe. Where you been? I was like, I was just fucking working out.

What do you think I've been? Yeah. That's where I went this morning to work out. Oh, I know. You're always having gay affairs. I'm convinced of it. I'm convinced of it every time you leave. So even though I hate to pivot away from that conversation,

it's crazy how much has happened since the last time we were in here. We had our election, we have a new president, a familiar new president, so exciting. So exciting to return to stability and logic and just good old Americana. Times have changed, Tom. And cabinet's being named.

It's an exciting time. It's gonna be a great four years. I'm very optimistic. I like to be optimistic. I think everything's gonna be real cool and normal. And so that's fun. We have our president and we're. You know, I will say though,

is that I've been on Melania TikTok. I've been going down her rabbit hole. She has an account? Well, no, just like videos of her. Yeah. Ugh, that is horrible. God, I fucking hated that. I don't think I had a full appreciation for her

when she was our first lady. And now, because she's Slovenian. And she also didn't really do or say much. Which is the best. She didn't wanna be there. Of course she also didn't really do or say much. She didn't want to be there. Of course she does want to fucking do it. That's why I like her. She married a guy who was like, I have penthouses in New York.

She's like, great, I like this life. Great, I want to have Birken back. That's all she wanted out of this. And then they're like, you're living in DC now. Fucking terrible. I know, I think she hated it. She wants to go live on Park Avenue. It's where I'd rather stay

So it's going to be nice seeing her. She's very thin. She's very beautiful. Her outfits are great. She's great outfits Um, because you know the first ladies historically I say aside from michelle obama who was very attractive Uh, they've been dogs the dog pound so it's nice to have a hot chick back and baron's all a six six Not their kid and he's like a teen. He's 18. You're gonna have like a whole other, you know Teen vibes the teen vibe in the White House It'd be interesting to see what this kid is like Yeah, yeah, Melania back and it's very exciting. We're gonna make America great again. Oh sure Yes, you look at these dogs. Look at those Martha Jefferson looks like a smoke show. Oof. Oof.

Martha Washington dog. Look at that. And these are paintings, which means they're forgiving. Forgiving, yeah. Looks like Angelica Van Buren was all right. I like- Oof, Harrison. It's just, woof woof woof woof.

Margaret Taylor. That's a fucking bad one. There's some real fucking dogs in here. Oof. Look at Patterson. But hold on, do you think these chicks were hot for their time? No. Like Lucretia Garfield, was she a smoke show?

Was she the Melania of? Look at Grant. Look at Julia Grant. Hold on, where is she? She looks like a runaway right there in the middle. Oh yeah, she looks like a serial killer. Oof. Yeah, there's some bad ones.

Lucy Hayes. Ellen Arthur there, that's flattering. I'm gonna say Frances Cleveland is the hottest so far. What? Frances Cleveland. I didn't see her. She's got the color portrait. Oh, okay.

I mean, dark beauty. I don't know. I don't know. Look at fucking McKinley there. They're like, just face the wall. Just so we don't have your whole face on the fucking thing. Oof. Eileen Wilson.

Look at her. She looks like a lunch lady. Wait, hold on. Yo, Kool-Loot's kinda bad though. Where are we looking at Kool-Loot? Where's Kool-Loot? Grace? Oh yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Grace could get it. Right, Tom, as you say. Oh, look at Mamie's got them baby bangs. Eisenhower. Yeah, she looks like got them baby bangs, Eisenhower. Yeah, she looks like a... All right, Jackie Kennedy. Yeah, and they didn't even really flatter her that much. No, Jackie had those pug eyes.

They were kind of... Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I think you've been found out, my friend. Shit. Fuck. Nothing to see here. Just. And, let's see who else.

That's perfect. Patricia Nixon. See, can we? Betty Four was a pill popper. That's pretty cool. Nice. Yeah, she started that whole, you know, thing. The thing.

Barbara Bush, ouch. She always looked old. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, she's always been old. Barbara Bush looked 80, and she was 40. Yes. She always looked old. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, she's always been. Barbara Bush looked 80, and she was 40. Yes. That's really crazy.

Yeah, but Nancy Reagan was hot. Flattering Hillary Clinton portrait. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Laura Bush, okay. Yeah, Laura was, she was attractive. Hey, there's Melania. She's the, I'm model.

Melania is totally the model look, yeah. Yeah. And then, I mean, Dr. Biden's an attractive lady. She's nice. She's a model. Melania is totally the model look. Yeah. And then, I mean, Dr. Biden's an attractive lady. She's nice. Nice looking lady. What? What? Baby, your beard is falling off.

No, it's not. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. Shut up. So yeah, it's nice that we'll have a Slovenian model back in the White House. I'm a Slovenian model back in the White House. I'm a Slovenian model. This fucking Christmas shit.

Sounds like my mother in the office. I don't want to do this Christmas shit. And she's one of the, like the only, because she's lived in like, you know, the greatest housing you could ever live in. She goes to the White House, she's like, this is bullshit. Of course, this is disgusting. This is not Park Avenue. All you get is the residence quarters like you don't get

you don't live in the whole house. So she's like this is fucking sucks. This is fucking bullshit. Hold on though does Trump correct me if I'm wrong but did he lose some LBs and now his suits fit better? Like did he finally alter his suit? He feel like he- He may have actually had them tailored too. Yeah, he had a remix. They were always like super baggy. Yeah. Really weird. And he's not as orange this time around. He's using less orange.

Somebody blended his concealer into his foundation. Yeah. And he stopped tanning so dark. So somebody talked to him. Somebody got to him finally. I don't know who it was. I love the appearance Maybe Melania

Maybe Oh, yeah, see the suits fit now. He's changing it. Yeah, not as orange. He's also 78 Yeah, not young. No But you know, he doesn't drink he doesn't smoke cigarettes. He doesn't do drogas. He was to say finally addresses his weight loss What does it say? He lost? Oh 15 maybe 20 pounds. Yeah, that's significant. Yeah, 77 there. Yeah Because he's too busy to eat. All right, I Love that he hired Where he's nominated RFK jr. To be the health minister. Yeah, and they celebrated by all having McDonald's together

I don't think anything summarizes Donald Trump more than that. Like the legacy is like, here we are, here's my new health guy. And you know it wasn't hot and fresh because they're on the plane. I know. And that's the worst way to eat McDonald's. Don't eat McDonald's cold.

You gotta have McDonald's at McDonald's. Piping hot. Piping hot. Otherwise you can taste how it's made. And you're like cold. You gotta have McDonald's at McDonald's. Piping hot. Piping hot. Otherwise you can taste how it's made. And you're like, I'm gonna fucking die after I eat this. You ever smell a McDonald's bag that you've left in your car? In the car, yeah. Just an hour later, you're like,

did someone take a shit in your car? It's like actual poison. Yeah, it's terrible. It's like homeless dudes shitting in your car. The kids leave fries all the time in the crevices of my car. Yeah. It smells foul. Yeah.

It's no good. Yeah. Well, people are real stoked. I can tell you that. People are, America is pumped. I mean, people that I run into all the time are like, fucking, are you excited? And I was like, what?

Okay. Sure. I just, it's just, it's just same shit, different toilet. I was in a production here. I'm take my what are you doing? I'm telling you doing I actually this isn't my real time But my hair has been growing back my beard has been growing looks amazed It's a this is like eight days nine days growth dude. You can grow a beard so fast. Yeah, it's coming back in I have to shoot more

Of the show scenes on scenes in the bearded scenes in a few weeks. So I actually need this to be back to where it was. Yeah. So I'm shooting a show. And the morning after the election, I'm in a, you know, this is a Hollywood production. It's no secret, everybody that works in, most people that work in production are pretty liberal.

So, we, we, um, the morning after, everyone I run into is super bummed out, right? I'm just kinda like. California's wailing and weeping. Of course. In Texas they're like, everybody's so happy. Yeah So I walk in and I was I mean, I don't think I've made it much of a mystery

Like I've never been a big Trump fan But I also I'm not like a panic bunny who's just gonna like like the world is that I just kind of accept what it is so I'm like, yeah, we got this fucking retard back and then I walk in to the trailer and everyone's like Good morning. I got shit and I'm like good morning Kind of a long night. Yeah, and I'm like, yeah, and then I tried to joke. I walk up to one of the crew, I go, hey, we're getting our country back. And they do not laugh.

They don't laugh at all. So I'm like, all right. And then it's just like, we also are, we have to get to work, right? We have a long day, it's six o'clock in the morning. We have a fucking 12 hours ahead of us. I get in the chair and getting in makeup and costume. And then we were at a location

and we moved to another location. And when I move into the next location, I see someone who I haven't seen in a while, who's a real Texan who's like, hey, it's good to see you. Glad you're shooting here. And I was like, yeah know thanks for having us and I just go how you doing cuz I'm like how you been how you doing he goes

I'm feeling real that he goes feeling pretty fucking good about last night, and I go shut the fuck up He's like what I go dude There's a hundred crew people here, and none of them want to hear that he's like all right right right? He's like yeah, but yeah, I'm pretty happy. I like, yeah, man. He's like, I'm pretty happy. And I was like, yeah, cool, cool. Just chill the fuck out. Yeah. Yeah. Like you can't announce that right here.

You're going to fuck up our whole day. No one's going to start crying. Yeah. But that's just, yeah, I just thought the way it is. Yeah. I have people from California, our friends texting us, like, is everything okay there? Oh my God.

What's going on? I'm like, no one cares here. Texas is its own universe. We're unaffected by everything. Of course. We could secede tomorrow and be totally fine. Yeah, but I also feel like with these elections, people always put so much into how things are gonna change.

I know. And shit's not gonna change. It's only four years. I mean, look, I'm not a political person. Things are not going to change. Your life's not gonna change. People are like, I miss gas prices. It's like things are not going to change. Your life's not gonna change. People are like, I miss gas prices. It's like, huh?

Do you know that that's not how gas prices work? The president doesn't get in and go, new gas prices. That's not how it works. I don't think you know how, do you have anything? New gas prices. Yeah, they're just like, I have a fucking gas was cheaper and you're like, uh-huh. You know it has to do with the price of oil at the time,

right, the US president doesn't dictate that. I mean, whatever, people are fucking morons. What did the vice president do the last four years? Do you know what the vice president's job is? Vice president's not gonna be like, here's what I've done the last four years. What is the vice president's job? To fucking be a figurehead and support the administration.

That's it, that's all they do. Like that person's there. And whatever the president says, they go, that's right. Right. They're a hype man. Like they're just supposed to be there in case the prez get shot. Yes. And then you're back up. And you just are a mouthpiece for the prez. You don't do anything. You're like a figure. You're like the queen of England. You just show up. You show up places and you fade away and they go, get the fuck out of here. Yeah.

You don't do anything. That sounds cool. They're figureheads. Do you want to run for president and I'll be your VP? No, I'd rather be VP. I don't want to fucking do anything. I don't want to do anything. Yeah.

I don't want to be first lady. That's way too much. Yeah, you have to. That's too much. I have to pretend to be into causes and stuff. No, vice president, you show up, people go, we forgot you were a fucking vice president. You're like, yeah, I know, I've been busy

at the fucking, at the residence. Yeah, they don't do shit. And then all they do is like, they go, the press goes, what do you think of the president's decision? Yeah, it's great. And they go, yeah, the president has a great plan. And I'm 100% behind him. It's basically the job of a wife.

Like whenever your husband does stupid shit, you have to be like, no, he's right. He's 100% behind him. It's basically the job of a wife. Like whenever your husband does stupid shit, you have to be like, no, he's right. He's 100% right. That's 100% what it is. And I'm behind this person no matter what. The vice president should inherently be the first lady because the first lady knows how to do it. Yeah.

If you get elected president, your wife is vice president. That should be how it goes. But then what happens if he gets shot? Then she's got to do it. Then you have to find a white guy to replace the vice president. That's right.

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That's why Bumble is changing how you start conversations. You can now make the first move or not. With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Ugh. Yeah, I mean, yes. Technically, the VP is president of the Senate. Again, it's just a fucking. President of the Senate.

Yeah, but they have a deciding vote, you know, on ties. But it's rarely ever something that they go to, but it's all like, it's like a representation of something. It's not real work. It's being the wife to the president, basically. It should always be done by a woman, because we're just easier to get along with.

You think so? And we're just like, yeah, you're so smart, babe. It's kind of like what I do with you. I'm like, babe, you're so handsome, you're so smart. Everything you do is rad. Now, here's something that, there was a third party candidate that wasn't on a lot of ballots, a lot of people don't know about.

Diarrhea test 468, initiate. Ha ha ha ha ha! Whoa. Huh. Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! I can vote for this immediately. He's stepping. Don't step in it. He's afraid of stepping in it. He just loaded his shorts. He doesn't mind loading his shorts up, but you don't want to step.

I know that feeling. You just don't want to step in it. It's like when your cat shits in the litter box and it's squirrely. He's trying not to step. This guy's brilliant. Yeah, he's been doing a lot of cool stuff. Uncle Ron. Now, might I make a suggestion to Uncle Ron? Yeah. If you really want to engage your followers, you should make cellophane underwear. Tight cellophane. So you can actually see. I want to see what I'm missing. Yeah.

This is too much of the imagination. Diarrhea test 470, initiate. Don't push too hard. You don't have to push. Oh, he's peeing too! This is the greatest. Who is this man? It appears to be just your very interesting findings more to follow. You gotta keep looking up at that.

I am a fucking loser. God damn it. That's how I feel when I kiss someone. I am a fucking loser. God damn it. That's how I feel when I taste some of those shit. He does a lot of humor posts though too. I follow this guy. Where are you finding him? He's on IG. These are on Instagram.

No! How have I missed this guy? You may have seen him in another one of his other videos. What's his name? What is the actual page? Uncle Ron Returns. Is that the name of the handle? Yeah, this is on YouTube No, I think just Instagram. This is awesome Now see Instagram is caught up to tik-tok and I will even say surpass tik-tok now when I find my curations Yeah, it's become more mainstream

I hate this says that you flag this me, that I have to watch this. Yeah. Ugh. For those people just listening, it's a dude on public transportation. Ugh. Violently picking his nose and then eating the books. Oh my god. Oh, isn't that special?

This is an Asian one. This is what, Japan? Usually they're not that disgusting. Right? Oh, isn't that special? This is an Asian one. This is what Japan Usually they're not that disgusting Right aren't Japanese people like hygienic and public and stuff. I don't know I could be wrong I'm fucking did you like that? No, I hated it. Why do you hate that so bad? I know what you're doing. I know what the fuck you're doing. You're looking for a retaliation video. Yes, you are You know what they kind of look like those don't in my packets Like the don't eat packets

Yeah, just like make it fresher make it team. Yeah Alright How long is your bad influence Michael? I'm like I'm so honored that I'm the I'm the person who's peer pressured you to do nicotine patches for the first time Yeah, yeah, I've never I've never done nicotine ever so I'll know what to expect It's so good The first time The Rick Ross

Yeah, I do look like Rick Ross Are those kids gonna be free styling? Sometimes if I'm in the right headspace Yeah Sweating The whole time I was free styling you with the bunch of people from the Back Door Comedy Club Sometimes if I'm in the right headspace Freestyle already It was like No, he's not fine. He's fine. He's fine. He just he was just fine. You missed it. He was

Yes, it is don't lie to me He passes out he passes out he passes out Look he hits the table with his head. Yes. No, he doesn't Look you look you're missing You fuck ass, you we picked up everywhere so pain, ew, he peed up everywhere, it's all paint. Is that gonna happen to me if I try that? No. You're such a fucker, you know that? Yeah.

I hate you, I take back everything nice I've ever fucking said about you. What happened, you said you're done with something? I hate you so much. What were you done with? Yeah, anyway, yeah, I finished radiation. Ooh, ooh! Thank you for your support, Tom.

Anyway, thanks Josh. ["This is a Y.O.Y.M.H. House expired. You smelt it here first." Tell us. Done, I did 35 rounds of fucking Chernobyl in my tits, in my body, and I'm glad I'm done. Cancer treatment is officially over.

I'm cancer free, and I'm fucking back, and then I'll get my tits done in six months. But I know you guys have been wondering what magazines did I leave on my last day of treatment. I have photos. Okay, so I had to go all over Austin to find a magazine stand. It's very hard to find quality mags these days.

Okay, so I did find like a gay travel magazine. I don't have that one. No, no, no, because I ended up not dropping it. It was too aggressive. Like they were like kind of holding each other too much and like they're touching their junk. So what I left instead was Elizabeth Hurley on the cover of Maxim.

This is in the waiting room. I'd been dropping, you know, fun mags. And she's leaning over and the tits are out. And her tits are out. You know, she's older for a Maxim model, I'd say, but I figured the older crowd would appreciate that. Definitely. And then of course, my final token, weed world.

I thought that was pretty fun. That's very cool. And also this is the right audience for getting into weed. Yeah, that's true. The cancer crowd. The cancer crowd. I love it. You know, I've been hearing about this stuff.

That's true, I didn't even think about that. What? Tangerine dream. Tangerine dream. So that's it, I'm done. I wore a prom dress to my last treatment. Look at you. There I am. You look great. My Chernobyl yellow dress.

You look festive. With my buddy, I'm super happy. I rang the bell and I was worried that I would be kind of a nanny nanny pooh pooh to the sick people. Guess what? What? They all clapped and cheered and it was very special and beautiful. That's very sweet. And that was it. And now I'm not gonna lie, I was like, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie,

I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie,

I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, at the same time. It's horny? It's horny and dark. How is it? And macabre. Why? I don't understand. Cause it's like, it's like they talk about sexual stuff at the same time, like ripping flesh off of bones and stuff. And like it'll get them aroused to see like blood and guts. Who? Who's aroused by it?

Like the characters. These are all short stories. And these books of blood. But they're aroused by horror? Horror and gore and weirdness. It's a whole new genre I'm into right now. Horror porn. That's kind of a thing that happens in real life to some people

who are somebody who's in a war zone. That's me. So you get aroused because it's not that you're aroused by it, it's that your system is shocked by trauma. And to process it, some people don't know how to process it And so it finds it it basically manifests its way out of you through sometimes horniness Well, that's probably where I'm at Because I've been reading like I said Clive Barker who wrote Hellraiser. I'm a huge fan. Yeah

And the books of blood is what that stuff's based based on interesting and I think yeah, maybe I'm just huge fan. And the Books of Blood is what that stuff's based on. And I think, yeah, maybe I'm just super traumatized and there you go. Shout out also Doug Bradley who plays Pinhead. He's a fan of the show. Also, I'm very proud of you and I'm very happy for you that you got through this. Well, yeah, because without me,

like who's gonna love's gonna you know? Love you and take care of your kids and stuff tell you how great you are who's gonna be your vice president without me Yeah, thanks VP. Thank you. Yeah happy also I think it's real sweet that you dropped off the magazines for them. I really It's one of my favorite bits you've done But we'll see if they've pinned it to me, if they've identified me. They're gonna get a good tip now. They're gonna know now, I know.

I'm gonna go back in for my checkup tomorrow. They'd be cool if they're like, oh, you had an appointment here, but we're canceling your appointment. Hey, Mel, they know that I'm an asshole. But I know that a lot's been going on in my world with cancer and radiation, but more importantly, major news in your world we haven't even talked about yet.

Which is? The return of the jacket. Oh my God. So. The jacket. Wow, it goes back this far. Yeah, let's show the people this story first. I think this should summarize it for everybody first.

It happened about seven years ago. I couldn't believe it. This jacket fit like a glove, man. And I just, I absolutely loved this jacket. You mean you lost it? Well, I think I did lose it, but I wasn't sure. Maybe if you loved it, you would have kept a better eye on it. Such an asshole comment. It was the best jacket. It just bothers me that it Maybe if you loved it, you would have kept a better eye on it. Such an asshole. I'm sad, you know.

It was the best jacket. It just bothers me that it's worn. I know. You have to let it go. You've got to let it go, Tom. You really broke my heart. I just thought it was irreplaceable, you know? Jacket karma.

You lose a jacket. Exactly. And you're going to gain an even better jacket. Just watch. You'll see it. It'll come to you. Then I came to Paris. I saw this jacket. Just watch. You'll see it. It'll come to you. Then I came to Paris.

I saw this jacket and oh my God. It's the best jacket in Paris. It's the best jacket in the world. People are asking about the jacket. Is it true that he's wearing the jacket today? This jacket, man. Oh la la. Sexy. It's pretty. Where can I get one? People are touching it and they. Is it true that he's wearing the jacket today? This jacket, man. Oh la la, sexy. It's small.

Where can I get one? People are touching it and they're talking to me about it. So hot, so much jacket. It's the best jacket. I want to see the jacket. The sexy jacket. Your jacket is the star. The jacket is the star.

I want to see the jacket. I'm not going to lose this one. I love this jacket. There's going to be a great resolution to your lost jacket. You'll see. I can't keep it, it's gotta rest. You know, the Nazis. Wow, the jacket.

That's the jacket story. The origin does. So the first one, the one that we flashed back to, I remember, you remember when we did Nikki Glaser's show together? The Comedy Central show? Yes, not safe. That's what that still was from,

because I wore it that day. I just don't remember it after that, but when I lost it, I was heartbroken. And you were right, one jacket left, and years, it took years, years. Years. And then this jacket came into my life and I wore it to the Mike Tyson fight. Yeah. So many BTBs. BTBs? Big time blacks. Oh yeah. Gave me incredible compliments. Yeah.

People were talking about it left and right. Oh yeah. I mean it was, oh my God. People couldn't focus on the fight. Here I am with Pac-Man Jones. Yeah. Oh, there we are. Oh, there we are. Page six, I don't know. What? I guess.

How did I even realize I had been photographed? Oh yeah, I remember when they took that. Yeah. Anyway, I would forget that I had the jacket on and then I was reminded constantly, people were like, that's a fresh jacket, that's had the jacket on. And then I was reminded constantly, people were like, that's a fresh jacket, that's a nice jacket, would you get that jacket?

People were asking me left and right. So much fun. I introduced you to Pac-Man, Pac-Man Jones was there. And he was so vintage Pac-Man. He was the life of the pre-party. During the fight, they were bringing out, like clearly these boxes that were meant for somebody. He was like, hey, give me that.

Just take like six of them and hand them out to us and people around us. They were like snack boxes that Netflix had provided for. But they were going somewhere. And he was like, nope. Hilarious. And then, wait, wait, the best part is he opened one, didn't like the contents, and then handed it to me.

Like, hey, you want this shit? Yeah. He's like, thanks, Pac-Man. He was the life of the party. He really was. And I had so much fun. And then we talked about getting together. He also wants to come on tour and see a show. Oh, and I was so stoked and then

The next day I get a text from someone. They're like, oh sucks about Pac-Man I'm like, what do you mean sucks about Pac-Man and they're like they sent me this There's the jacket. There's the jacket and there's me and Pac-Man Yeah, and then I, it fucking sucks. Well, read the, it says former NFL player Adam Pac-Man Jones. Adam Pac-Man Jones arrested on multiple charges after Mike Tyson, Jake Paul fight police say. And I was like, no.

And you're in the photo. I'm in the photo that they did it with. Yeah, he got arrested just after one. So that's only like a couple hours after we said bye to him. But can I tell you that I kind of understand him getting so fired up? Because I think you had to be in the room to feel the energy of the level of disappointment that we all felt from that fight because the women went up first. Those two women fought.

Taylor and Serrano. Oh my God. And that was fought. Taylor and Serrano. Oh my God. And that was like. That was a brawl. Palpable energy and people were fucking losing their minds. We were all like. We were, I mean, and you know who fucking knew that was gonna be a fight was Kendall.

That's right, Kendall Tua, we ran into her. We ran into her and she was like, get to your seat for this fight. She was like, because this was like their rematch, maybe even the third fight. And she was like, this to your seat for this fight. She was like, because this was like their rematch, maybe even the third fight. And she was like, this is gonna be a good fight. And that fight was incredible. That crushed.

Her eye gashed open and we could see that. Ann Taylor was budding her. That was amazing. I'm totally into women's boxing now. And I wanna go see UFC. You gotta go live. I gotta go see all the stuff. Live is a totally, it's just like when people go,

I watch comedy specials and you're like, you never been to a live show? Like it's a totally different thing. Well, and I have to admit that I was very sexist against women when I saw them fighting each other the first time. I remember even saying to Joe, like privately one day, I was like, I don't know, I don't like seeing women

hitting each other and stuff. He's like, goes, Christina, they're warriors. And I was like, oh, that's cool. Like that kinda, that makes sense or not? They're not regular chicks. No, and then I was like, I get it. Cause when a bitch fights, fuck, like you know how fucked up you have to be

to be a female comic? Take that times 100 and you're a female boxer? Holy shit, now I gotta get into this. I love it. And there's some incredible UFC MMA fights. No, I wanna watch. So hold on, so the room is electric. It's electric in there.

These women fight, everybody's pumped, and we're all waiting for Tyson to come out, right? And the other guy, Jake Ryan, Paul Ryan comes out, and we're just like, boo, fuck that guy. Everybody booed, it was insane. It was like a fucking stadium booing, guy. Everybody booed, it was insane. It was like a fucking stadium booing and then a stadium cheering, it was insane. No one gives shit about that guy.

Here's the thing, I mean, obviously a lot of people watch this live, so I'm not telling you a thing you don't know. We're, at this point, they move us, we're in the fourth row, and we have great, like just right there. And like that first round, you know, you're like, okay, it's first round kind of jitters

Uh feeling each other out like okay You get into like the second and third round and you clearly see something two things really that stand out to me a tyson's footwork is just It's it's odd and it's off, right? But the other thing that's real clear is that he doesn't press once. So he would set something up like a clean jab rock

and then there's a window for you to go in. And like, it's like how he, that's how he made a name for himself, right? Was like, bap bap and then the attack, right? You press, bap bap and like unload on somebody. And every time you're seeing a window for it. He's actually retreating Clearly so he's like boom and then you know Your your opponent gets rocked. So this is like the window for you now to attack like their defense is down for a brief moment

And he would retreat and you're just watching this and then by the fifth round the sixth round. That's all you're seeing you're just seeing Retreating and you're like, this. And then by the fifth round, the sixth round, that's all you're seeing. You're just seeing, retreating, and you're like, oh. And then it's clear, to be fair to Jake, he also is doing the same thing. He's setting up something with a jab and then retreating. And then you're like, what we're watching is a friendly spar. We're watching like sparring, light sparring. We're not watching a fight. And then it's like, it just takes you a moment

to process it. You're like, oh, I can't believe that's what I'm watching right now. I got all excited for, you know, a fight, a brawl. And it's just clearly not that. And so, yeah, there was just this real cloud of disappointment in the, I mean, the crowd started to boo pretty loud by the sixth, seventh, and eighth round.

I was upset. I wanted my hero to win. Everybody was just like, what the fuck is this? I mean, it just felt like there was clearly an arrangement. Yeah, right? Yeah, that's what it felt like. The energy was just, and the energy was upset. It was such blue balls.

Yeah. We were all like, we're gonna nut so hard. So fucking hard, dude. And then everybody was like, no, oh, we're, this isn't a topless place. We keep our bikinis on. That's bullshit. And we're like, what the fuck are we doing here?

I know. I know. We have $6,000 in cash. I know, I know. So I'm just gonna watch you dance? I don't give a shit about your dance, unless you're tits, you know? That's kind of what it felt like. Thanks, Tom. That's a really of like, I don't know. I just pulled that out of me. So the

Here's the thing that I heard though that I wanted to tell you about Pac-Man is that I get I See this. I'm like damn so sad I see the write-up then I went to Pac-Man's page and if you go to Pac-Man's Instagram page That one on the left there with all those people That's from the night put the audio That's at the that's where at the place he got arrested you hear that lady drop the end bomb. Yeah I did. That fact dude. Jeez. Oh.

And there's Pacman. Oh. Oh my god. Calling him an end bomb. Oh. They're touching him. What a bitch. Right? Yeah he did. That's two of them. touching him.

Right? That's two of them. Yeah, he did. Calling him the end ball. Anyway. Yeah. Pretty crazy that like that's who is saying shit like that to him and clearly that's considered assault to you know, I'm touching somebody anyway By the time you guys see this, I'm sure he will have given more

Info on it, but it's like sometimes you just see an article and you're like, oh what happened? Then you see something like this and it's a gross. Instigated it for sure. Pretty gross. Again, the emotions were high, everybody was, yeah, there's a lot going on. Listen, I gotta pitch real quick. Okay. And then I gotta make a big announcement. I'm Paulie and I'm bye.

Go ahead. You peed, I took my hair off. I'm just getting comfortable. So, you know, as a lifelong goth and goth fan, I brought something to your attention, because I'm always trying to get you to learn more about me. And Boise State has a volleyball player. A goth beach volleyball player, Nora Haid,

a sophomore beach volleyball player at Boise State University has gone viral for her unconventional goth look featured in her team's roster. She looks rad. No, she is rad. Now, I will say, as a goth, featured in her team's roster photo. She looks rad. No, she is rad. Now I will say, as a goth, very strange to choose beach volleyball considering we don't like

to get a ton of sunlight. And also like this kind of like festive sport. It is a perky thing. I mean, I would go with something angry like lacrosse, maybe horseback riding, solo sport, maybe tennis. A goth tennis player would be great. But I'm stoked. It says standing out with her pink dyed bangs,

bold eyeliner and septum ring, Haid has earned a large online following for bringing an alternative aesthetic to sport, to a sport often associated with traditional beach culture. So good. Okay, it says Haid's unique appearance has sparked a humorous online debate over whether her style leans more toward goth or

Juggalo. Oh, I can see that But she remains focused on combining her love for sports and artistic self-expression very cool Yeah, you guys one of the things you do is a gaffe lead as a goth Yeah, is you you like because sometimes I'm like some of your friend like you'll meet somebody like oh, she's goth. Yeah. Is you, you like, cause sometimes, like some of your friends, like, you'll meet somebody and they're like, oh, she's goth, but you're like, she's this type of goth. Sure.

She's like a new age goth or whatever. Yeah. So I'm a trad, I consider myself trad goth. Where the first wave, I'm, I, you know, I stopped there. I don't like Marilyn Manson. I know, I know, sorry guys. I stop at like the eighties music. Is this sort of like a trans exclusive radical feminist?

Like are you the J.K. Rowling of Goths? So she would be, I guess, I want to go with like not a cyber Goth, but a definitely the newest generation of Goth, which I'm not even familiar with. But I like it. It's a little jugglet, I can see that. Yeah, but she seems very cool. But I respect the hair, I respect the tradition.

Here's the thing, you're always like into somebody who owns what they're into. You know what I mean? Always. Owns what they are. I love her. She is what she is, man. Good for her. Speaking of people who are just who they are.

Yeah. Fancy Chef apparently went to the script club He's in the script club and that's someone's ass for sure what under pussy to the outline of it sure. Yeah. Yeah, I Mean, yeah, he's doing his thing, you know, yeah good for him. He's doing his thing man He's still wearing his chef's uniform under the fur coat which is rad like always always chefing I was following he went to Philly and he wore the mink With the chef shit underneath and yeah, he was really out there, but I got an update Yeah, I don't know if you know this he's upset

He's upset. That's what Zolo told me what why it's all oh Apparently we called him or somebody called him autistic on the show and... That's probably me. Yeah, he wants to set the record straight that he's not. There you go. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sure I did. From the source himself, let it be known that the fanciest chef on the planet, not autistic.

No. So I hope that clears the air. Definitely not. Yeah. I can't believe anybody, I'm sure it was me. I'm you must have misspoke. I totally I'm just whatever Here's a question. Is this guy autistic? What do you mean 4500? Do it. What the hell was that? Now you ain't hitting no pumps or anything. Are you shitting yourself? Again, if I'm calling about, like, you know, I put an ad in there for my car.

Why would I have some, why would I be doing that if I'm trying to sell my car? That doesn't make any sense. Well, it doesn't make any sense to be shitting into the phone either, but it sure as hell sounds like that's what you're doing. I mean, if I got some, call the spade a spade. That's pretty, that's pretty, that guy, that guy let it go for a second and he's like, the fuck are you doing? I do like the Southern, like, hey man. I do like this game of farting on serious phone calls.

I think that's a very fun game. Well, hold on. What? Does anyone else see the irony here? Annie, go ahead and point it out to my husband. Well, yeah, he was a little angry when you did that. I mean, to be fair, it wasn't in a little non-joking way, to be fair.

Non-joking, in all seriousness. What, when, what, what are you talking about? That I would make business calls on the toilet. No, that's a toilet. That's totally different. This is totally, what do you do on the toilet? Yeah, what do you do on the toilet? No, you have no respect for humanity.

I'm talking about, this is a fun game. He's laying on the bed, it's totally different. You're taking dumps talking to people. Peeing, no, I didn't poo with Brendan. I only made- You need to be with Uncle Ron making videos. This guy is more, I think, this is a more fun speed here. Okay, like-

I like it. It's that and also, for for some reason it violently shakes. And it only does that when I get filled up with gas. Ah! What do you want, sir? It only violently shakes when it's filled up with gas. Okay, so yeah, depending on what we find, it's pretty much full of gas.

Unfortunately, I would, if you want to sell it, we can fix it or not until we actually start talking it. So, what's up? He got everybody on that one. You guys like that one. Yeah, I do that to my cousin, Jeanette, a lot. If I talk to her on the phone. You do that to everyone. No, not like that.

Babe, you do. Like that? Why are you lying? I do that. Pinocchio, your nose is going to grow even bigger. No, no, no. I did, I was with you and you called down to the front desk. Remember when-

Oh my God. And I just- You beefed. Yeah. Yeah, but you beef and then you pull your legs up and you pump your legs and you spread your legs. You beef all the time. Why are you lying?

That's not true. You're so disgusting. And then you're like, well, let's fuck, I wanna fuck. And then you just beef on me all the time. No. Yeah. You beefed in the room last night. We were putting the boys down and it smelled so bad.

We kicked you out. That's true. That is a true story. You're the king of beefs. Hey, may I please segue before we get into something else? Yeah, sure, please Can I I'm very excited to announce this It's a beautiful lead-in here. Oh, thank you Let's see here chips in a bowl. I want cats eating kibble. Oh, wow. This is a big fucking thing Cats eating kibble. Oh, wow. This is a big fucking thing This is for this is a big announcement kids

Mommy's the stage is set jeans everybody pull your jeans up over your eyes as high and tight as they can go at long last At long last, you know last summer I came out as Polly and by and by and I came out with the perfect red This was my first lipstick and I believe this to be the most perfect shade of red the perfect consistency Everything because I've been wearing red since I was 13 years old. And I researched it and I made it in Italy. And it's been such a success. And I thank everybody that's bought the perfect red that now this is a blue based red. I have created an orange based red called the atomic red red and this one is orange based and

it's lighter same formula different color and I've also added two more colors Madison which is a mauve this one you can wear you know picking up the kids going to the grocery store it just kind of elevates your everyday look and then if you want to get spooky and you really want to show motherfuckers what's up, Berlin. This is a dark burgundy and it's only for the real goths out there. It's real G's, maybe the Cholo Goths, whatever. This is if you really want to. Why don't you send the volleyball player one? I would love to send the volleyball player all four. You can buy the perfect four, buy the collection together. And I also have a bunch of new merch in my store.

By the way, I have a brand new website too, christinap.com. No more christinaponline.com, which is so awful. ChristinaP.com, you can find all my new merch, new designs. I've actually drawn a lot of the doodles that are on these shirts myself. So you have to buy it, you have to check it out. It's very cool stuff. I will say this, Christenza,

It's very cool stuff. I will say this Christenza in All the years that we've had items shirts hats mugs Whatever back tote bags you name it And you brought the idea of your lipstick. Yeah and doing it. I was like, you know Yeah, and doing it I was like, you know fucking broad. Yeah and

You know that it's the best-selling thing that we've ever had in the store in any store and it's all because you thought Thank you guys. Thank you. And it's all because of the mommy's out there It is because of the mommy's but I'm saying it's because you believed in this going down this path Well, I'll tell you why I believe in it because I have a passion for it. That's true. I am fanatic about lipstick. You guys know me, I wear my red every single time we film the show. I'm passionate about lipstick and I believe in it

and that's why I spent a ton of money doing this. This is not a bullshit, cheapy thing. No, I know. This is made in Italy, it's imported, it's the best quality lipstick. And trust me, a lot of companies, even the brands you think are Should be fancy expensive. They're not fancy and nice. Yeah, they're not cheap shit and they're not beautiful nice

This is the real deal. So the way you feel about that is how I feel about the sex dolls that I've been working on It's my passion. It's what I believe in and they're gonna be in the store real soon You guys can be doing the same stuff I've been doing. Under my bed. Look at that, it's so beautiful. And the new website has pretty stuff on there too. It's fucking rad, dude. I'm so pumped. And also, on my TikTok, if you go to Christina P,

you can now buy this on my shop. I've got a TikTok shop. Unbelievable. And I'll be on there all the time just talking about lipstick. You did it, Jean. I know, I'm obsessed with lipstick. I just love it.

Do you? I want you to try it on. Will you wear this? Can I get you to try on? Because your lips are very pretty. Which color would you be? I think you're a Berlin, because you're kind of saucy. Okay, so you've got like a reddish pink,

don't sneeze during the show. You've got a pink. If you're gonna do that, leave the room. Undertone, so I would go with this. To dim that. Yeah, we'll try that. You remember this, right? You definitely remember this.

You drink red wine. I love him. I love this guy too. Pepperoni's really greasy. And I love pepperoni. I like pizza, but I love pepperoni. Yeah, I feel this too. So I do take pepperoni.

This guy's the best. I chew it up really well. I get the juices and grease in my mouth. This guy's the best. Right? Yeah. I chew it up really well. Yeah. I get the juices and grease in my mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Both sides of my cheeks. Yeah. No. Yeah.

Yep. And then. Then I sip my red wine. With crushed ice. With ice. So good. Ew, swish it. Way around my mouth. Yeah. A lot love feeling the grease come out of my cheeks.

He literally looks like a stick of pepper. Learn how to drink wine. Well, guess what? Get the greases out of your palate. But he, can I tell you something though? This is a man of the people. He finally gets what we like. Well, here's the thing.

I love this guy because it's like your lipstick thing. He is, not only does he look like he's covered in it, but he's also covered in the people. He finally gets what we like. Well, here's the thing. I love this guy because it's like your lipstick thing. He is not only he looks like he's covered in it, but this guy is completely authentic. Yeah. He's unpretentious. Yeah. And he's just genuinely sharing what makes him happy. Right. Guess what? More. More. Oh good. They're drinking ice and wine. I love to eat hot dogs, but the famous hot dog for me to eat at home on Chucks on the Avenue is burnt hot dogs. Yeah.

And burnt hot dogs are delicious when I put them on a bun with mustard and sip my wine. That's what's up, bro. So we're going to take the famous bunny bread of New Orleans with some French yellow mustard, no chili. We're going gonna take a bite of this beautiful bar cacao. Fuck yeah, dog. Delicious.

Let's see your metal with crushed ice and wine. Oh yeah, dude, I bet that tastes so good. Yeah. Delicious. I love it. I'll tell you what, can I tell you the truth? Can I talk to you for a second? I know you like fancy meals and we go to these sometimes very fancy places and there's multiple courses and I know I'm supposed to enjoy it. Sometimes I, most of the time I'd rather just be eating a burnt hot dog.

Yeah, I hear you on that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I like that too though. I mean my do I think my favorite thing to eat in this world is a smash burger Yeah, it's good. Yeah Like that NADC burger. Yeah. Yeah good. I mean, that's my favorite burger Do you know my favorite is and I've even ordered it from LA frozen in a box Cupid's hot dogs? Yeah. Cupid's in the valley.

I think I told you this the other day. I love it. I think I've discovered. Hold on, hold on. Can I tell you what I like? Huh? The chili dog. You know you Cupid's, remember Cupid's?

The chili with mustard and onion. Do you do it that way too? Yeah, I grew up eating those after school. Ugh. I think I've discovered that I just can't have a hot dog anymore. You do it that way too? Yeah, I grew up eating those after school. I think I've discovered that I just can't have a hot dog anymore. No, not at your age. It's like five times now over let's say five months

where a random hot dog finds its way into your life and I'm like, yeah, I'll have a hot dog. I get minimum 24 hours of indigestion from a hot dog. Well, it's cause you look like a hot dog right now. You're kind of pink. You know, I got the... You know what? There's so much sodium.

It's too much sodium. If they can make a, do they make low sodium dogs? I'm sure they do. Guess what? I'm not gonna try it. I'm not gonna do it. It's just, I've had, it's proven now. You're just gonna give up like that?

Done with hot dogs. So I'm at the Laker game last week. It's just I've had it's proven now. You're just gonna give up like that done with hot dogs. So I'm at the Laker game last week and I got great seats amazing seats sitting courtside That's a great game and I see Spade and Rock Chris Rock Davis Spade sitting like over here So I go say hi to them and then then at halftime, we sit together in this lounge. It's me, Jimmy Miller, Chris Rock, Dave Spade. And then we're hanging out, and then Sebastian comes over.

And he's like, oh hey, what's up? And he turns to me, and he goes, hey Sebastian. And I go, hey. I'm like, what? And it's kind of loud, there's noise and music, And he goes, hey Sebastian. And I go, hey. I'm like, what? And it's kind of loud. There's noise and music or whatever. And then he sits like, I don't know, six, seven feet away over there.

And he's talking to the spade. And we're all just kind of like, you have to kind of project to say something. Oh, this is good. Blah, blah, blah. And so I say something to him. and he's like, what's that? And I try to say it again, and he's like, I can't hear you. So he comes over, and I'm talking to him,

and I just see him, he's just looking at me, and then he goes, oh my God! He goes, I didn't know it was you, what the fuck? And I go, yeah, I'm talking to you like five minutes. And he's like, bro, I saw you on the Instagram with shaved face and I go, I guess this is his face now. But then I had, you know, five days growth of this. He had no idea who I was.

None. No, you look like a totally different bro, I'm telling you. It is a good time to be gay. This is the time. If you wanna go suck dicks randomly, do it now. No one will be like, no, I'd be like like that wasn't me. I got that pretty little mouth People can see your pretty mouth. Okay. Now I have something fun to show you All right the grease the juices is this guy down my throat horrible

Hilarious shit, this is why I don't fucking do this. Fuck! That's horrible. That's my worst nightmare. So crazy to think to smell the cork. The fuck, dude? That's insane. Hopefully, that's the last time she does that.

You didn't like that one? No, that's literally my nightmare. Literally. I like that one. No, that's literally my nightmare. Let her laugh You like that stupid why are you messing with the crocodile lose a digit? You get fucked up attempting to desensitize the gators so you could complete the stunt Usually done by tapping the gator lightly on the head until he becomes used to feeling it. He is perfectly okay Yeah, I thought he may have lost a digit. Um, I don't think he screamed enough. I want to say well I could have lost a digit. Oh, you know, you're right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you could that could have happened quick

Yeah, yeah, I got real what he got lucky with was the release. It's usually just hold on. Yeah. Yeah, how's it croc? Don't put your croc in your hand in a croc's mouth. Oh Yeah All right, you get out of here. I'll hold the door open for you. Let me see that hand is gonna go He's mad. The fuck? Is that a chick? The face is covered. I feel like that's a chick movement. She broke every finger bone. Yeah. That was crazy. It really wasn't her fault though.

No. She's pulling out like she didn't know. But that... Fuck, dude. But I think that was a fun one. I don't think so. No one's laughing. Okay. It wasn't her fault though. No. She's pulling out like she didn't know. But that, fuck. But I think that was a fun one.

I don't think so, no one's laughing. Okay. Oh shit. The recovery was great. Yeah, it was a good recovery. It happens. Those are big heels. You still want to twist your ankles. That's kind kind of but there's no public falling

Everybody has the thing to like look like they're okay, right? Unless it's devastating pain. You got to go like You got to spin out of it. Yeah, I fallen off a stage before in Dallas you fell off Yeah getting off it was some club and one two. I lost my footing and I eat shit I mean, it was some club and one two. I lost my footing and I ate shit And then happened to Ralphie May. Oh, yeah happened to Ralphie May once and He claimed later that it was a bit like he was doing it for the laugh and there was another guy this other comic Bill something and he when he was like 600 pounds

He fell and the audience thought it was a bit and they were like laughing his dick because he was so big Yeah, and it was not a bit. Yeah. Yeah That size it can be real Good pal, oh no, no, he's gonna drop the I can be real. God. Yep. These are always good. You good, pal? Oh no, no, he's gonna drop the... That was fun. I don't know, I mean, I feel like, oh, Josh likes it. How come they don't prepare for that? They should. I feel like that should be part of the job

that they prepare for that. Yeah, we don't know the aftermath, but we do know that the tree had become overgrown and the homeowner did not wanna pay professionals to do that because he thought it was too expensive. Oh, cool. Okay. Well, then that's hilarious.

It's kinda funny. Being cheap. It's pretty good. Wow. Okay, so. Oh, these. It's pretty good Okay, so oh These Were part of the package. I wanted to put together for you because I know That you love this. Okay, and I also wanted to say

Congratulations on finishing radiation. Thanks pal. So I had these flagged for you flakedagged? Yeah, please look at the screen. Okay, let's look at the Denver Isn't that nice? I think he's just watching television, which is cool. Yeah, he is, but he's just, you know, he recorded this and then he uploaded it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the best part. He didn't think twice about uploading it. Oh, a little lip lick. Cool.

Isn't that nice? It's very nice. He's just breathing. Shirtless, laying back. Just breathing. There you go. Yes. Oh, here we go. He's got his shirt off this time.

Also, TV in the background. I want to say Russian or language. Yes, like some Sl Slavic shit going on. He's got a big potato nose, so he's been drinking. And that's a real old world kind of bullshit on the wall there. Yep, yep, yep. Whatever the fuck that is.

Yep. Oh, oh. Thought I would bring it home with that for you. Thank you. Oh, he's at the laundromat Yeah, that's a good place to do shit like that. Yeah, cuz I just have a girl like I know where that guy is Yeah, go there right now. That's what he's hoping for right? Yeah, pretty cool. That was so nice. Thank you. There you go Congratulations, you're all done. They can make out with these dudes. Yeah, that's so rad. Yeah

It's finally time That's so rad. Yeah. Finally, it's time. Look at that. Side by side guys. Get your prints right now. Right? ChristinaP.com. YMA Studios. What the fuck are you guys laughing for?

Dude, it's perfect. It's spot on. That's way better than I thought. Yeah. You guys have been looking at this mug for 20 years. Whatever guys think I don't know that face. Oops I got you a jam on you want a bag? Too bad. It's mine Yeah, wait, wait, how did that make you feel what did you think I mean it was cool

Like it. It's a good way to to, you know, it's a good, it's a, you know, you realize that all things like this are just a version of just. Throwing the dice. Rolling the dice, always. Well, I will say I admire the attempt at humor. Somebody is like, oh, he's cute and he's fun. Someone's gonna enjoy it, for sure.

But it's good. Today we're gonna be making piss popsicles, otherwise known as pissicles. So what you're gonna wanna do is pour this in here Put it in there until it fills up pour some on my floor right now, but who cares Pour it in there. This is so dark Then after that you're gonna want to bottle this up and then put it in the freezer for a couple of hours All right, the Pissicola's ready.

Oh yeah. There you go. The place looks nice. Oh, his nails are so long too. The fridge door there? Oh, hall of it. So this is a new guy. I mean, we used to have piss spots and now this guy is teaching us.

No, I know. This guy's stuff has come up on my feed too. It's really, oof. Is that the way to show it? This guy's stuff has come up on my feed too. It's really, oof. Is that the way to show it? That you lost weight? Guys, 72 pounds down, carnivore diet. He goes down, dot dot carnivore diet. He's just letting you know.

But why show it this way? He's showing you his chest, baby, it looks good. You don't think he looks good? I think he looks good. I don't know where to, the stare too, the stare is really jarring. It's meant to penetrate whoever. Yeah, he's fucking you, he's eye fucking you.

He's also in his car, or his truck. Yeah, or a bus, is that a bus? He's just feeling it. I don't know, dude. That's, yeah. Thank you for that, that was a good He's just feeling it. I don't know, dude. That's, yeah. Thank you for that. That was a good one. You're welcome.

I usually pull these for you. The Indian version. Oh, shit. Uh-oh, careful. Uh-oh, he's toying with us. Nice. A little smirk there. He almost wants to give you an oopsie.

Oopsie. Oopsie, there's my ding dong. Oops. There he almost wants to give you an oopsie I Didn't know the camera went down that far My bad I'm gonna be teaching you how to make a piss hot pocket I want his pocket So basically what you're gonna want to do is Open up like the top part of the hot pocket and just kind of scoop out all of the Oh the stuff in there you can fill it with piss is that we're gonna go

Fuck Christina Me I think you found the next thing that is gonna absolutely make it a bomb Let's hold it open and fill it with but that's a lighter color Let's hold it open and fill it with piss. But that's a lighter color piss. Just pour it in here slowly. Pour it in there slowly. Uh-oh. All right.

There's a flaw in the system. It was that easy. There you go. Now you got a delicious, juicy piss pocket. Make sure you show your friends and family this. This guy is, you know what's funny is that this guy's severely mentally ill. No.

Like he's a hoarder and a total, but he has a, he actually has a very funny sense of humor. Yeah. But a lot of times the sense of humor goes with this level of mental illness, you know, cause it's all like, but he's like, make sure you share this with friends and family. He knows what he's saying. Yeah. He's, he's winking at us. Two days is gonna be the day when we're gonna get back to you.

So how? See, no how, you know what you gotta do. What you gotta do. You recognize it? No, I don't believe in anybody. Feels so hard to talk to now. Yeah. It's Oasis.

It's good, right? That's really good. I hope she opens for them. I heard she's gonna open for them. It's cool that I had to go through prosthetics to get this whole look down, but it's neat. She's just like this. I wanna hear every other Oasis song too. From her.

She's a big supernova. Yeah. In the sky. Are you gonna go see them? Of course I am, if they come to America. Didn't they announce US dates or no? Did they announce it? I don't know, no today. No, it's it. I Don't know. I've kind of been in a bubble. I would love to see them. No bright and coddy

They they said they're going to announce USA Manchester The Rose Bowl sold out fucking cunts, yeah, sorry guys, I've been under. Wait, where's the Rose Bowl? I don't see it. In the middle of September. Oh yeah. Fucking hell.

All right, Agent Jeans, you're listening to this. Look at that. Look at how quickly that. Fuck. Wait, is that the only America? They're doing LA, Chicago. They're just doing LA. East Rutherford, that's so random.

Why East Rutherford, New Jersey, and then LA and Chicago? Go, because they can get the East Coast. They're getting East and West, Midwest. They're doing New York LA, that's it. Fuck. I fucking failed. Oh, they're doing Chicago.

Yeah, Toronto. All sold out. This is insane. Agent Jeans, give me tickets. Okay, here we go Incredible This pubic hair ring turned out to be one of my favorites. I had an amazing I really really bring core blank that you want to use along with tufts of pubic hair I did have to cut the hairs a little bit shorter so that way I could get Everything super precise because the important thing was that the gold borders

remained visible and not have any hairs over them. So it was quite a lengthy process doing them each individually. Did you know that- Can I just move on? Wait, you don't think you'd do this for me? No. You don't love me enough?

Yeah. I'm a bad pussycat. You're a sad pussycat. But I'm awake. You're asleep. Let's go play, pussycat. I'm gonna rap, pussycat. Sit on your lap, pussycat. Sing this song all day long. Can't go wrong, pussycat. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

It's crazy, whenever I see videos like this, I always think of the person who's like, that's Jeff. I know. Like, I see him at Chipotle all the time. That's somebody. That's somebody. That's somebody's like Ford sales rep I know like I bought a truck from that guy. I know Okay, God congrats on the job Michael

He's great he's just so precise. He doesn't waste any words. Economy of words. Really something you have to learn. Well, I think I'm pretty good for today. That left me feeling way different than when we started, which is really exciting. Thanks again for all the encouragement that I received for having shaved my face. I will do it again. I'll try to do it again pretty soon because I received for having shaved my face. I will do it again. I'll try to do it again pretty soon because I know how much people enjoyed it. Don't forget my lipsticks, the perfect four, now in my store at ChristinaP.com.

Check it out, try it out. Check it out, try it out. Here's my colors. You got it. Boop, boop, boop. And don't forget to buy your original Christina P. drawing of Tom without a beard. Unfucking unbelievable. All right. Love you guys. Thanks for watching. I'm going to check my hair. Don't forget to buy your original Christina P drawing of Tom without a beard. Unfucking believable. All right.

Love you guys. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. You want to yawn on the way out? Yeah, I'm tired. Okay. Love you guys. Love you too.

Bye. Stay, stay up. Stay blessed. Bye. And it was one of those loads, Christine that don't stop Don't stop Christine And it was endless, it was fucking endless And when I took my dick out she went Thanks for stopping by

Thanks for stopping by It was one of those loads, Christine that don't stop Christine don't stop, it was one of those loads, Christine that don't stop Don't stop Christine, it was one of those loads, Christine that don't stop was one of those lords Christine that don't stop Don't stop Christine was one of those lords Christine that don't stop Christine that don't stop was one of those lords Christine that don't stop Don't stop Christine And it was endless, it was fucking endless And when I took my dick out she went

Thanks for stopping by Thanks for stopping by. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Christine, don't stop. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Don't stop, Christine. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Christine, don't stop.

It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Don't stop, Christine. And it was endless. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Don't stop, Christine. And it was endless. It was fucking endless. And when I took my dick out, she went... Thanks for stopping by. Thanks for stopping by. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Christine, don't stop.

It was fucking endless.