Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Tom's New Obsession w/ Brian Simpson | Your Mom's House Ep. 777

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

SPONSORS: - If you want to get in on the delicious protein-packed nutrition today, head to https://Orgain.com/YMH and use code YMH for 20% off your order. - Try BlueChew FREE when you use our promo code YMH at checkout--just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information. - Try VIIA Hemp! https://bit.ly/viiaymh and use code YMH! This week on Your Mom's House Podcast, Tom Segura and Christina P are joined by comedian and advice champ, Brian Simpson! Tommy Bunz and Baby Face Brian have a lot to talk about this week, as Tina is suspiciously silent once again. Tom opens the show with a clip of some women on a retreat screaming and yelling about something. Not sure what, I wasn't really paying attention. After that they check out some clips of other white women doing white women stuff, one of which is excited about some black singers and the other who does not match the voice she speaks with. Next, Tom introduces Brian to his latest obsession, a content creator who goes by many names, but we will refer to him simply as Fancy Chef! Fancy Chef really needs to be seen to believed, not even joking. I mean, it has to be a bit, right? Chime on how legitimate you think this is below. Tom and Brian also get into some emails and Brian dishes out some solid advice for the concerned listeners. They also check out some horrible or hilarious clips, some clips of really cool guys doing really cool stuff, do some master of accents, and much more! This one feels like a real classic YMH, so try it out. Your Mom’s House Ep. 777 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Non-investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss. See kraken.com slash legal slash ca dash pru dash disclaimer for info on Kraken's undertaking to register in Canada. And welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. Joining me as always is my lovely co-host, Christine. All right. Thank you for, you look lovely. I can't wait to hear your input this episode you've really been killing it the last few episodes

Joining me as a guest today is one of my absolute favorites if you have not seen his special you should check it out on Netflix It's called Brian Simpson live from the mothership. You can get tickets to see him on tour at Brian Simpson comedy.com. It's Brian Simpson everybody Thank you. Yeah, baby face Brian advice champ the advice champ with a fresh shaved face. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's wild It's a big mistake. I mean now I can see the Marine now. I see it before I didn't see it now I see it. Well, this is this will actually not be acceptable. This is not acceptable? Cause they're stubble? Yeah. Okay, so it's clean every day. Do they accept any, can you do anything?

You can get a, you know, a clearance to do something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if you have like a skin condition or something? Yeah, or a lot of black people have, they get the razor bumps, so they gotta get it, so a lot of the white dudes be pissed about it. Yeah, but so white dudes can't do anything Yeah, they get razor bumps. That's it

They just less likely to right because they don't have like the thick and then they can have they can keep a clean cut beard or something No, no, no, what you can just get away with like buzzing it instead of shaving it all Okay, there's no such thing as like a must at which do certain branches allow it Yeah, yeah and certain and I've seen like special forces people They always have they allowed to do whatever they fucking want to do because they're special forces Yeah, yeah, cuz like you're actually hurting people. Yeah, whatever. I don't know what I don't know what it is They always that's a great trade-off. It says because you are gonna kill a lot of people go ahead and grow a mustache I'm sure there's some reason some other reason why they get to have a beard. Yeah, yeah, cuz most of them have it Yeah, most of them kind of look like dirtbags. Yeah, you know when you meet them, you're like

Like they're always kind of I don't know semi disheveled. Yeah I mean this is about just living in the bush. Yeah, like living like one of the motherfuckers just live in a tree Yeah, waiting on a shot, but you're doing this because you're regrowing right? I'm just starting over. Yeah I'm just starting I had Yeah, I'm just starting I had kovat and that shit this lab this new kovat that shit last forever. Was it bad? It wasn't bad But like cuz I thought I started testing negative after like five days or whatever, but it took me two more weeks before I felt You know like all the soreness and all that lemon shit. Yeah, I just was like I'm a saw all over cut everything off

Okay. Well, how many times times have you had COVID now? Like four. Isn't that crazy? It just keeps... Oh, it's never gonna go away. No. No, no. It's like the flu now.

It's like the yearly flu, right? Yeah, it's gonna keep coming back. But it's like, it's not devastating anymore. No, not anymore. Well, this one actually, this one turned into pneumonia for a lot of people. Oh, really? Oh, maybe it is. Yeah, because it was just a lot. Like, it took my took my body like I said a couple weeks to get all this shit

Out all the damage really yeah, but you know I'm overweight smokers that I probably made it worse sure Yeah, but I mean you're better. You're back back And did you shave shaped like as soon as you got over it is that when you did it? Yeah? Yeah, nice. Yeah, I'm just like just get it away, but that was a mistake And I'm basically by the way, I'm joining you. I need these like all the time now. Glasses? Yeah.

Oh, where, you didn't? I didn't need any glasses for 40 years. Then like around 40, 41, I started to be like looking at screens. I'm like, what's going on? Doing this face. Oh, yeah. And then I just put them on, you know,

just to like look at a screen. I'm moving into my switch area. You know, you see the old people, they're like, wait a minute, they got a second pair just for, you know, I'm gonna start having to carry two pair. I do that sometimes, unless you wear your trans glasses. Oh, like the bifocals? Or the ones that they get, they turn to sunglasses.

Oh, please do that Oh, yeah, they turn blue or whatever. Yeah, that's fucking tight, man. This shit don't last. Well, they look cool It does look cool. Yeah, you're right. See they're fucking cool It looks cool. Yeah, it does. It does look cool All right. I have so much to show you so many things to ask you we have people want your advice There's all kinds of things. Let's fucking do it. Here's the opening clip. Oh, you should throw those on for the clips. Here we go I I Classify this is a well as white tivities. No, I mean all of these are white tivities. Yeah, like this is cuz It's a white and it's like this is like to get the demons out. It's female anger camp

Hey, only is just mayonnaise with seasonings I know some girls need to go to their shit, though Yeah, they have They have one for guys. It's just the opening song. It'll end. It's only six minutes long. I thought somebody made a mistake. No, no, no. So this is a female.

They have one for guys. It's really gay and they say it's not. But this is just for women. Hold on, men do this too? Yes. Oh my God. It's fucking very embarrassing. So this is like those camps where the pussy ass dudes pay real men to teach them to be a man or whatever?

Exactly. Oh, okay. And they're like, show me your inner warrior. You know, and the guy's like, ah. And then he's like, ah, and he starts crying. And they're like, yeah, you did it, you're a man now a man now you can be a man in three days. Yeah, exactly Yeah, those those are super embarrassing to watch. Yeah Yeah, but this is I guess this one is just for chicks and yeah, I feel afraid. Why are they taping this? This is embarrassing. It's so embarrassing. They're hoping that I think taping this will get other women to sign up for it. That's what I think they're hoping for.

Because this need to be more of a sizzle reel. It needs to be quick cuts so you're not embarrassing nobody. I know. Because the longer it lasts, you start to like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. It's, what's the word? Cringe. Cringe, yeah.

It's like watching somebody bomb. You're just like, please wrap this up. Yeah. Yeah, it's horrible. Oh man. You're just like please wrap this up. Yeah. Yeah, it's horrible We should send Christina here and tape it She'd be miserable there's no way what wouldn't you? I'm sorry. I don't mean to keep talking about you like you know, yeah. Yeah. No, she would she would not like that She would love to go and laugh at them and then they'd be like, you can leave now. Yeah.

The same way we would if we went to the men's camp. I mean. I feel sad! Do you have the men's one? What's that? That one is where he's like, push me, push me. Yeah, let me pull it up. It's fucking so, so embarrassing.

It's, yeah. I mean, I don't know. I guess obviously if someone's doing it, they feel like it's doing something for them. Do we have some testimonials? Like is it doesn't work? They'll swear it does. Yeah, they they talk about how they Changed their less angry found themselves and yeah. Yeah for sure. I mean look I guess it's empowering in some way Oh some mushrooms in there and and and that and that we can talk But I'm skeptical until if it's not no hallucinogens involved. I'm skeptical. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah How can you change this from screaming in the woods? Mm-hmm, you know unless you like escape the serial killer or something

Yeah, you know that'll change a motherfucker But just going out there and banging sticks on the ground with other white women They do it like though. I'll tell you one of the camps that sounds cool, and I think it's it's really hard It's kind of like some Special Forces guys put it on where they go We're gonna take you out into the woods and put you through like a dialed down Special Forces type of experience so they they're making you, you know, they're pushing you to your limits. See, there's no way I would do that.

Well, I mean, it would be really, it breaks you, it breaks people. Right, because those type of people love, like they enjoy hurting people. Yeah, they do. So it's like, I would not put myself in the care of special forces people. And the only people that thrive in those

are people who like, they eat it up, they're like psychos, they like the pain. No, there's the type of people that like to those are people who like they eat it up. They're like psychos Yeah, they know there's the type of people they like to get like have a dominatrix. Yeah, I like to be hurting and yeah You know, I'm sure it works, but I but I would be I would I would be hesitant to trust a special forces person with like Treating me and you're out in like the wilderness Yeah, cold and you completely dependent on them. Yeah, and they're like you sleep outside today Brian treating me. I know. And you're out in the wilderness? In the cold?

Yeah, like that. And you completely dependent on them? Yeah. And they're like, you sleep outside today, Brian. You sleep out of this tent. No, I'm comfortable being 80% manly. Yeah. I'm new.

And you like blankets and shit? Yeah. Yeah. You know what, if they did this shit in Compton, like if they went to a black, like the hood, and did this, I would be more convinced. Yeah. We was like, do it while you're actually scared.

While you're scared. Yeah. Yes. Go do it under the bridge, but like at like a homeless encampment. Well, here's the perfect transition. Here's somebody who says that, let's see, this person is a singer influencer who moved from Russia to Hollywood,

and this is what she posted. my face when I see a black singer That's it, but it just feels very condescending wait a minute. What does she mean? She just feels inspired and happy when seeing a black singer Okay. I think it's part of this has to definitely do with the fact that she's from Russia and so you go like she probably goes you know to see black performers was like a foreign thing well what now she's like they're here. Well no the weirdest thing about this clip to me is that it ain't no black people singing. I think that the lady right behind her that like kind of waves when she turns, that lady was singing that waves. See? I think she just saw

a black person and assumed that she sings. To be fair, in middle school, I thought every black person could sing. Like she thinks that lady's Aretha Franklin. Yeah, that's like at a restaurant. Right. Yeah. That's just the maitre d. Look how happy she is. She's just like, oh, my God. Like how? These magical blacks. Like she's like she only read about black people in like, yeah, in fantasy novels or something. Exactly. She knows like Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston.

She's like, there's one right here. They're real, like the hobbits. Yeah, that's pretty. Yeah. This is OK. Now, here's a more let's see. Do you have her caption? That should be in the folder too. I mean, it's absolutely insane. Her caption?

Yeah, the caption to that video. Oh, let me see. It's... What was her folder called? Oh, inspired. It's my face when I see Black Singer. Oh, the caption, sorry. The caption... oh. I've always been inspired by Black women. Okay, so now it's just black women, okay.

10 years ago I began to study what jazz is and how it came to us. I fell in love with this music, the style, I've read books about gospel, blues, soul, I became a real fan. I watched movies about Ella Fitzgerald, Etta James, and other black women, and listened to old Billie Holiday recordings.

I've always felt a special energy in black women. It was as if black people, despite all the difficulties, enjoyed life more and thanked for it. And it inspired me a lot. The race that was not accepted, they sing more cheerful songs, they believe in God. You know, Russian songs are almost always about suffering and consist only of minor chords.

I didn't like our Russian vibe, and I admired the Americans, their fresh, cheerful motives, even for the most difficult situation. Let's remember, hit the road, their fresh, cheerful motives, even for the most difficult situation. Let's remember, hit the road, Jack. I want to dance to this song. In addition to the cheerful melodies of lyrics and love of life, I was fascinated by the energy of African women. It's like they have super much energy and they're ready to charge the stadium. I always learned that from them. The audacity, courage, energy, and now even adore Lizzo beating her super powerful energy. It's like they have so much power, energy, and freedom. But to hear music from an African American singer for the first time, God, it's like I got into a book from my childhood and this is real life.

I can't tell you how happy I was to wander into this restaurant today. That's a lot. That's a heavy fucking caption. I don't know if she heard the recent Lizzo news, which is she's like canceled or she's done. Yeah, the Internet turned on Lizzo. Why did they turn on her? Because I guess she was she was being mean to her dancers or something.

She was being mean. I did hear that. Fat dancers. Yeah, she kind of just fell off. People are like, you're not nice. She was being mean to her dancers or something. Like she was being mean to her fat dancers. She kinda just fell off. People are like, you're not nice. I guess, but I don't know. Cause I ain't never seen her be mean to nobody. I just heard about her being mean.

There's like stories, I mean that was kind of the thing that everybody, that was sort of the cancellation, so to speak, of Ellen, right? Everybody was like. She's mean? Yeah, they were like, oh you know, you would turn on the TV and she's like, I dance in the aislesles and then they're like, she's a fucking bitch But you guys show me proof. Yeah

Nobody got a secret recording. I know it's just like disgruntled and yeah Cuz like remember when they when they said your boy remember when they had Christian Bale? Yes, like yelling at that one guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it didn't affect him. No, I need to see Ellen I don't want to see it.. I wanna hear it at least. Yeah, but okay, so she likes black, does she want black penis? That's what she really wants. I think so.

She can't never go back to Russia after this. She's like, our music sucks, black people are way better. We only got minor chords, all our cuisine is gray. Yeah, she's very happy to just stumble into black people yeah at least eat at the restaurant bitch I know Do we know what city this is I don't know what city that was probably in New Orleans Here's the opposite of what you expect from a white lady. That was in LA Fruit tree mango tree to be exact from rather lady. okay so so this is my mango tree from Rada one mango two mango well technically

people never lied tree small but in beer but you did beer with only two mangoes them now interestingly enough I'm still grateful I have the weirdest erection right now I know it's kind of hot one mongo two mongo, so she's Russian and She is married to a Jamaican. She lives in Jamaica has kids in Jamaica and has just all her English was learned in Jamaica So this is like an authentic. Oh, so she wasn't raised in Jamaica. I think she was but I think she learned English there It's hot. It is hot, why? Why is it hot?

It's fucking hot. One mango, two mango. Me plant me tree. And you're like, yeah. Yeah. Me dick get hard. Jamaican accent is slept on. God damn, it's so, that's not the same lady, is it?

No, fuck no. Okay. Uh-uh. No, no, no. Yeah, wow, this is. That's loaded though, right? is it? No, fuck no. Oh, okay. Uh-uh. No, no, no, no. Yeah, wow, this is... That's loaded though, right? It was uncomfortable for like two seconds, and it was like, because I thought she was,

I thought she was like, doing the, yeah. But no, this was great. That was awesome. That was great. That was pretty awesome. That's how you show your, so somebody needs to send this to that first white lady and be like, this is how you appreciate the culture, bitch. Go to Jamaica and fuck one of them niggas,

plant a mango tree. That's exactly how to appreciate culture. Don't wander into a restaurant with a black woman in the background and go, I love these mystical creatures. That's exactly what she did. Yeah. She was like, oh my God, look, there's one right here.

Right here. Look at her, she's right fucking here. She's right there, like she found a dragon. Yeah, that is hilarious. Like seeing a baby tiger at the zoo, you're like, they're fucking out today. That's hilarious. Cheat days aside, what I put in my body matters to me, and I want to fuel it with the best stuff out there. Our next sponsor, Orgain, makes it so easy to do just that. Orgain is the leader in real protein-powered nutrition that understands that being good for you doesn't have to taste bad.

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and use the code YMH to receive 15% off after you purchase. They ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Unleash the green and live the American dream with VIA. This person I'm gonna show you, let me see here, is, okay, this guy is black. This has nothing to do with being black.

This is just my favorite find on Instagram. Chef Rain. Yeah. Okay. Also known as, aka Fancy Chef. Okay. So he's posting constantly all of his skills as a chef and is asking people, he's like, you need to book me, you gotta book me.

Is he just like, sprinkling crushed hot Cheetos on stuff? And calling it his own? It's fucking amazing. This ain't better than the Chinese, it's just like it. Cause I do it all, Chinese, French, Asian, Greek, Scandinavian, Portuguese, American, seafood, steaks, chops, you name it. I do it. Bake, fry, everything, you name it.

That's probably his best video. That food doesn't look great. Nope, and guess what? It's not gonna get better. Oh wow. Okay, I'm gonna do, the chef is gonna do a beautiful dessert. Beautiful.

Today I'm featuring my lemon drop cakes. Lemon drop cake. My lemon drop cake. That's a pineapple, sir. My lemon drop cakes. Lemon drop cakes? My lemon drop cakes. That's a pineapple, sir. Lemon drop cakes. That's a champagne flute. All right. And he's putting.

Lemon drop cakes. It's gonna go in. Oh, yeah. All right. And I have the Cardi B. Oh, that is a piece of cake. Oh. Whips, cream.

All right, it's nice. It's beautiful Beautiful nice. I have it. Okay, this is a terrible so bad. Okay, it's all right I've had this dessert served in black glasses. Yeah Yeah He's not gonna put champagne in there, right? No Watch watch it pay attention. It's time for the chef He's not gonna push him in there, right? No Like a little slow so go to his page because these aren't actually doing any justice to the fancy chef Okay, so scroll down scroll down scroll down Okay, so scroll down scroll down scroll down okay, so like you see

the middle One down like hit that one. Okay Okay, that's a rack of lamb You never seen this before. There's a reason we haven't seen that before, sir. I got strawberry, I got honey. I got honey ranch. I got beautiful stuff in there.

He's got ranch in there with fruit. Strawberries, ranch, and lamb. When I tell you that's blah, beautiful, delicious. He'll also chastise you. He'll be like like no poor people It's just $2,000 a dish The dick down my number that's $2,000 and nice by this alright close it out Have to know and then he does a lot of things like that he'll talk to Howard Dean's green

Okay, let me help some new people out 40 years plus I got in the kitchen 40 no one gave me this jacket. I earned everything that jacket is insane Oh, so the stars just have ranks like he's a general Four years old I've been in the kitchen 40 years plus hours decades months 16 hours 14 hours. He's slow right he put months after decades 12 hours in the kitchen

I worked every station hours months decades millennia minutes And it says like international chef Master Chef pastry chef all kinds of shit on it Fall that fall that 40 years. All right, 40 years The best is all right close that out 40 years and I'm proud Fancy chef is posting sometimes he'll upload the same video three or four times So he's a private chef. You don't have a restaurant on it? Oh, no, no, no. He'll also, if you scroll down, like, he does a lot of posts of just like, there's a lot of champagne flutes.

There's a lot of strawberries. He loves strawberries. Like, I don't know if that's strawberries on the. Yeah, he, yeah, yeah. OK, I see what's going on here. Like, I don't know if that's strawberries on the... Yeah, he, you're right here, yeah. Okay, I see what's going on here. Oh, sorry. Don't, that's got music. Don't start through that one.

He'll... Cause he, cause you gotta know, like, you have to realize, like, in the 70s, Yeah. like, black people didn't get diagnosed with autism. Interesting. So this is the result of like, him just overcoming. Like in the 70s, black people didn't get diagnosed with autism. Interesting. So this is the result of him just overcoming.

Right. And making it to the... He was in the kitchen, he probably wasn't cooking. He was moving stuff or sniffing stuff. But he's been in the kitchen for 40 years. And now, the food don't look gourmet. No. Right? But it don't look gourmet. No. Right? No.

But it don't look like about. And he has also has a series of demands. Like, you know what I mean? Cause you have you have you, no. No, I haven't. But he like, I also watched where he's like, book me. You need to book me. This evening?

Oh, this one. Okay, where you located? He's like, book me. I'm located in Atlanta, Georgia. Okay, I'm all booked up. All right. That's my favorite one. Nope. Take back everything I said.

This is performance art. For about 12 people this evening. Okay, where are you located? I'm located in Atlanta, Georgia. Okay, I'm all booked up. So, here's the thing. It is either the greatest fucking performance art troll of all time.

He's a comic. It's fantastic if it were that. Here's the thing, it is either the greatest fucking performance art troll of all time. Like of all time. He's a comic. It's fantastic if it were that. I don't know that it is, but I'd like to believe it is, because it is amazing. He's like, first of all, where are you? Oh, no, I'm booked up. I'm booked up, and that's after a multiple,

this is also like, that's store bought cake, okay? Like that's, he just got a cake from the grocery store was like check this shit out man with berries on it just man so now I'm gonna follow this thing oh he's the best this is great this is him like at the mall in his chef attire this is his name is fancy. So if you chef underscores they can cry look at him He's at the mall right in his outfit crab cakes French food Spanish food. It doesn't matter I'm gonna get it done. Oh, he wears the chef thing everywhere. Yeah, he's just out in public in that One seven eight four. Give me a call. Don't hesitate don't wait. I go on

chemical don't hesitate and don't wait I go on deep dives with this guy Sometimes for hours you can ask Zolo. I send him about 40 videos a night. It's fancy chef 2013 yeah fancy underscore chef underscore 2013 Yeah, but what's the 2013 for I have no idea also the food that he posts like That's something What is that? What is the one right next to it no it's fabulous oh look at that that's a masterpiece created by me the master chef I don't know what that is the gourmet fancy is that time on top of it and a stick and an ice cream cone what a masterpiece by me that's a masterpiece

I would actually try that probably. Like if you if you should. Is that barbecue sauce? I don't know. On a cheesecake? All right. He loves glasses. He loves strawberries. I wonder how many Michelin stars he has. I think he says that he's like a 10 star Michelin. Yeah, I'm serious. the way those are the same video over and over and over He's buying cologne today Don't you know okay, that's cool, and he posted that 14 times. Yeah See that's the same video see I can't I Feel like this is this dude is, he's either fucking with me. That's a store bought cake also, by the way.

That is a store bought cake. He's like, look at this beautiful cake. Straight from fucking Ralph's. Wait, Tom, how you know he didn't make that? I know he didn't make that, dude. He did, he's never shown, the only thing he'll ever show you is dropping pineapple into a cup. He's never shown you He only thing he'll ever show you is dropping pineapple into a cup. He's never shown you actually

This is him by the way walking through businesses He's just walking through a restaurant. So no permission. No people don't realize who it is yet. He's they're like, oh that's a chef Yeah, I cook but i'm not a chef by any way shape or form No, i've cooked i've've done the food service stuff. I know my way around the kitchen. Oh yeah. He's just going through like I'm the chef here. He doesn't work there dude. Now I'm full-on addicted. Right. And here's the other side of maybe is this performance art or maybe it's a deep level autism

Is that he has like seven phone numbers and sometimes he's like book me five oh three two seven It gives you like five phone numbers What is that? What is he cooking right there? What is that? Yeah, I guess you're right. We've we haven't listed that What the fuck is that? This old man this man with an ice cream truck if it ain't fancy This old man this man with the ice cream truck if it ain't fancy and fabulous That's good look at that dessert listen to me Rooka, how could you go wrong? Look at the elements. Look at the look at the key capones. I put in it. You got watermelon, right? Okay

You got my muffin cake, right? You got peanut butter You got my digger the ice cream No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, oh boy. No, but it's like, you know how, because a lot of the chefs I follow, they'll show you from scratch and they do the quick cut where they're chopping shit, they're mixing shit. Add this, add that, yes. I haven't seen them actually make nothing. There's one where he made burgers that I wish. That's just a plate of strawberries. Yeah, dude, I'm telling you,

he's the king of strawberries. And again, another thing from the ice cream truck. I mean, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I a plate of strawberries. Yeah, dude. I'm telling you, he's the king of strawberries. And again, another thing from the ice cream truck. Mm-hmm. Well, okay, so this... It's either the greatest performance of all time...

Or he's like... He's one of those functional, retarded people, you know what I'm talking about? Yes, 100%. He's just enough where he can live on his own. Now, here's an interesting thing thing because we skipped over it. His daughter made an appearance in one of these. And she's like, he got kids and she's like 10 or something. She's like, oh, my dad made this, I'm gonna try it.

And she's like, hmm, this is really good. Like a sweet, nice girl. Yeah. Does Bluechew work? I mean, reach between your fricking legs and and you tell me if you're asking that question We want you to know that blue chew is putting their money where their mouth is by giving you a month free Blue-chew is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis and Levitra But at a fraction of the cost and in chewable form the process is simple

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But it makes you, I want to know, I want to see the mother. I'm like, who a type of bitch like this dude? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I do. He also loves crab legs. I don't know if there's any right there, but he does crab legs sometimes. No. And there is a, man, the time that he made burgers.

Like I said, the reason the food, you know the reason the food doesn't look half bad is because he buys shit from the store. Okay, far left, far left. That's a store bought cake. That's a store bought cake, dude. No, Tom. I think all this shit is bought. Yeah. And that's a different phone number. So he's just... Look at the first comment. He bought that cake. Is he replying to people?

Sometimes. Not often. Is he replying to people? Sometimes not often. There's his daughter see she's right there. He was just showing you. See if you can scroll down. I bet you if you if you locked him. No see he went he went somewhere and bought all that stuff. I bet if you locked him in a kitchen with raw ingredients

and he had to come face to face with the fact that he wasn't actually a chef, it would break him. Oh, yeah, he would crumble, absolutely. There's one where burgers are on a griddle that is horrifying. I don't know, look at that. That's more fruit in a cup, dude. Go by that, Go up a little bit more. Click on no no click on that no no no up right there at the top left with the chicken the raw chicken. Let me see that. He's actually making something. That's a crazy amount of...

He's adding the flour to the chicken while it's in the pan. a crazy amount of fresh garlic is that garlic powder that's gonna be intense go to the next video let's see the result he's still adding shit oh man I cook limit have I want you to book me book me. No, okay, but see how it's always booked me I'm just booked me booked me now booked me give me But but bother me like it's not sizzling or no. No, I know I actually like to use is that in a slow cooker It's engine. I think that's what we call Keep scrolling down. I know he posts he's one of those people that post like fucking 45 times a chef, he's a slow cook. Keep scrolling down. I know he posts, he's one of those people that posts like fucking 45 times a day.

But. Yeah, he's like, I got nothing to post, I'll post what I posted yesterday. It's fruit, there's fruit, fruit in a bowl, fruit in a cup, fruit on a cake, fruit in a champagne flute. I think I wanna make a compilation of him walking through other people's restaurants.

Oh, it's the best, right? Wait, wait, wait. Go back up. Are those the burgers? No. Man his burger one is so crazy. Okay that's store-bought smoked sausage. More fruit in a glass. There's fucking blueberries in a glass right there. There it is. Those are the burgers. There's an olive burgers in better. Look at that bro. You know what I'm gonna add caviar to them. That raises the value of them. That doesn't look good. He added caviar to the burgers. look at that. You know rockin a caviar to him that raises that doesn't look value of them

He added caviar to the burgers look at them Those look like meatballs In the list it looks like he cooking them on on a marble slab, but that's just a dirty dirty Man this is this is great fascinating it is fascinating. That's why I've been I've been obsessed with this man This is he's in Miami. It says look at this. Oh, they're crap Hey, can we do that hidden comment? You can? You get that from the grocery store I got me like my brother's dogs was here

Can we try calling him real quick? Oh man. To say what? Let's just see if he's available. What do I open, Skype? Yeah, Skype or FaceTime. Let's see, it says sign in, hold on. Yeah, this was only two weeks ago, so that number should be good.

Sign in, email. Here, I can also grab the studio phone. You just put it up to the mic. Oh yeah, perfect. Yeah. Yeah, let's just see if he answers. Just call him from your room. No, don't do that.

Because I just feel like he's gonna be. I wonder how much it would cost to book him. I know. I don't. How many people should I ask to book for? Just a dinner party? Yeah, like 10. 10 people?

Yeah. Okay. Me, you, Christina, Joe. Yeah. His wife. Austin. Hey, can you come to Austin? He also, sometimes he's like, you pay airfare,

you pay hotel. He just posted a video, he's like, you have to have the shit to cook with. You better get good pans. Oh, you gotta have the, wow, dude. Yeah, you gotta have the seasonings. Yeah, right Alright, just try this one. Is that the number? Yeah. All right. Here we go. Let's see if he answers Book says book Fanny. I Think he means fancy. Oh book fancy. Okay. I got you

Right now he's like you should buy this for me Well, yeah, his green name is fancy chef. His name on thing is fabulous chef And then he keeps calling himself master chef But you get one superlative bro, yeah exactly right yeah, he's not gonna answer he's all booked up man God we got to get him here. This man is literally By the way, if we do get a hold of him, you can tell him that we will pay the fee, the airfare, the hotel, and we'll send it all. Yeah.

Would you eat his food if he cooks for you? Fuck no, but I'll. No, absolutely not. No, but I'll like, you know, I'll promote it. I mean, I would eat, I would have to know. I would try, I would try. I would have to know what grocery store he got it from, because I would eat grocery, you know, I'll promote it. I mean, I would eat, I would have to know. I would try, I would try. I would have to know what grocery store he got it from.

Cause I would eat grocery, you know. Yeah. He might just go get like a rotisserie chicken from the store and be like, here's the chicken I made. I think that's what he's doing here. He's buying food, already made food, and he's making it look like he just cooked it. What is he doing with that pot right there?

Is that just showing you a pot? He's just showing you an empty pot. Like, hey, this is a beautiful pot. You should get one of these. Let it crusette. Is that top notch? Yeah, that's a nice one. That's very nice. Okay. This dude was injured. This is some kind of settlement. He was injured. It made him a little retarded. He was injured in some kind of... And he took a fascination with the chef world. Yeah.

This is very, very, it's very heavy it holds heat all right it holds heat yeah this is cast iron enamel this is very well he knows that time comes you will get this you will get this view this will be on sale that'll be cheaper than it is now you absolutely want this this pan right here ladies and gentlemen this is this man is in a store yeah this is the most fascinating shit I've ever seen the chef wants you to have when you want to eat fancy and the chef likes stuff like this chef wants you to have this for when I come over you know what this is this is the chef equivalent of like when your mother makes makes you let your cousin or your little brother play, but you don't plug the controller in you just yes

I'm one yeah, like that's what his family has to be doing with him anyway This is the best find of the year fancy chef is the best yeah This is crazy, and we have to book fancy chef like even by the way You can even offer him if you get in touch with him That we want just to interview and we'll pay him to interview. I'll get him in here. Okay. I wonder if he takes crypto He would probably have the craziest list of demands. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's gonna be real crazy Just walks in the room with his dick in a flute in the wine flute and berries on it Just walks in the room with his dick in a wine flute. Berries on it.

Here's my dick in a flute. Oh shit. Look at this beautiful, beautiful strawberries on my dick. Beautiful berries on my dick. Man, that is the most bizarre thing I've seen in a long time. Yeah, it's incredible. And I watched a whole midget badminton match yesterday. Really? Yeah. How was that? Me Olympics, it was incredible. Oh, in the Paralympics? And I watched a whole midget badminton match yesterday.

Really? Yeah. How was that? The Olympics, it was incredible. Oh, and the Paralympics? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, they was getting down, bro. You don't realize some of these motherfuckers

are real athletes. Well, yeah, cause they're just compact. Yeah. You know, and I'm talking like diving, saves and all that type of shit. No shit. Is it one on one or two on two? Well, it's half on half. Half on half, yeah. No, no, it was one on one. Yeah. It is. Yeah, it was great

Do you like college football by the way? I mean, not really. I don't follow it, but I like I watch I watch the competitive I watch the Colorado thing. I gotta do that. That's like my black duty. It is a black duty, isn't it? It kind of is yeah, I support Deon coach coach coach prime Prime? But other than that, I don't really follow it. Is that so funny that it's like a cultural thing now to follow it? Oh yeah, that's the only reason I tuned in to the women's championship with the Andrew Reeves, Caitlin Clark thing.

I'm like, what's my racial duty? I gotta tune in. Yeah, all of America when Prime got that job was like every black person. Everybody went to the racial lines. Some people don't, but most people do and they don't wanna admit it. Well, white people don't like to admit that stuff is racial. Right.

But yeah, it was. Kind of, right? Yeah, have you ever seen a Colorado Buffaloes game before two years ago? I mean, I have, but I love college football. Right, but I haven't, nor would I. Yeah. Right, so, and I'm watching now.

I'm a big fan of his, though. I mean. Everybody loves Deon. I mean, I got to do a podcast with him now. I'm a big fan of his though. Everybody loves Deon. I mean I got to do a podcast with him. Really? Yeah a couple years ago when he was coaching at Jackson State. Oh yeah yeah.

That was awesome. If Deon says it's gonna be dope, he's never lying. No no, it was awesome. I got to go to the Alabama game over the weekend. Really? Yeah, because we had a show in Tuscaloosa. Did you walk out the tunnel with the teams? I didn't walk out the tunnel, but I got the field pass.

I got field access. Oh, wow. I got to stay on the sidelines. You have to pay for that, or is it just like a celebrity thing? No, I got hooked up with it. Oh, hey, wow, wow. It was unbelievable, dude. College sports is a whole another level.

People who don't, I try to tell people, too, that are NFL diehards. Like, I get it. NFL is the best football players for sure. There's no question about it, it's the best, you know, those are the best players. But the atmosphere of college ball is just, it's unpaired, it's unmatched.

Because people have to understand, that's the same age that they like trick people into the military. So it's like, it's easy to make you be enthused about nothing, you know what I mean? Pagentry though, like there was 100,000 plus people going fucking crazy in a beautiful, I mean beautiful stadium.

It's what you expect. It was electric man. I very briefly went to Oregon State. Yeah. And I remember going through all the shit. The Beavers. Yeah, the Beavers, yeah. And I remember they were literally playing a rival,

they were playing Washington. And I fl they were literally playing a rival, they were playing Washington. And I flangled my way into the game. I'm sitting in front of the band, right? The Beavers score a touchdown right in front of us and the band gets lit and I'm right there lit with them and everybody around me is just sitting there like nothing. And I was like, fuck this school. Like yeah, because I guess that school

isn't a big sports place, it's more like the nerds, where the nerds go. But it was like, no, it was none of what I expected. It was only my only college experience. And it was just not, it wasn't that, it wasn't lit. Would you go to a UT game? Of course, yeah. We should go to a UT game.

Yeah, I'll go to a UT game. I would love to go check, I haven't been to one. And they're great, now they got Archie Manning now. I was supposed to go a couple years ago, and it was like, it's always tough because we work Saturdays usually. Right. But we can find one.

And it's tough because if you don't support your local college team, then you just end up mad every time. Because then they're just traffic to you. Right. You know? If you don't participate, then you just get a beer to take. Participating is exciting, you're right, yeah. And you wanna, actually the best part of sports is if you can actually get yourself

to get emotionally attached. Because then you get the ups and the downs. See, I emotionally detached. I was a Washington Redskins fan. Oh, yeah. And I had the, Sean Taylor died, and that fucked me up for a little while. Then we got RG3, and it 3 it was like oh shit like his rookie season

Yeah, maybe finally help and then they ruin that and then we found out that the owner was like You know prostituting the cheerleaders and like selling us Expired peanuts and all this other shit. It just it fucked me up. He was like It's pretty well documented. He was like the least likable Biggest piece of shit type of oh, yeah, I think he was the most hated owner That was a Dan Snyder in pro sports dance night and now he's not the owner right no they sold the team to I forget the guy's name. They saw they see he was forced to sell the team. Yeah, everybody hated him Well, well if he didn't sell like the lawsuit they wanted he didn't sell the team. wanted, if he didn't sell the team, he was gonna have to open up the books.

It's also shitty that you can tell there's owners who actually don't give a fuck about winning. For them it's just like another business transaction. So they're like, okay, there's TV rights money, our tickets selling to the game, merchandise. Like they just look at it as like the columns, like plus and losses and you know I mean, and they just go like oh, we're doing transactions to me. That's all I care

I care that this is a business that earns revenue, but they don't care about winning They that sucks they were their goal is to some of them They want to fool the fans into thinking that this is the year so that you'll buy shit Yeah, of course, and then they don't he's one of those guys, like doesn't care about winning, which sucks. No, not at all. You gotta have like owners that are accessible. He'll sign a big name to get you excited. I mean, he signed Deon when the toe was gone.

Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Adam Archuleta, Albert Hainsworth. Hainsworth, lunatic. Yeah, if you list like the top 20 worst free agency sign-ins, Washington has like three of them. Yeah, yeah, list the top 20 worst free agency sign-ins, Washington has like three of them.

Yeah, yeah that's true. Because he signed people at the tail ends of their career, give them big money. Yeah, just big names. Just big names to sell tickets, yeah. Not to actually... He would sign Peyton Manning right now. Yeah.

Just because a lot of the fanbases dumb enough to be like, oh shit, we got Peyton. We're coming back. Yeah. What is this? How do you eat your sh? Whoa, what? No, no. He didn't really do that.

Guys, come on. I can't do fluids. Yeah, that's a croak. I can't do... What is this story though? Experiment. Who is this? This was one of the ones you sent me, so I think he's like trying to show that he like eats his shit, but he like cuts to black because he can't really show it.

Oh, right. I don't know if he's actually really doing it, but it's a cool video. There's no way he's doing it. There's no way he's enjoying it. It didn't look like he was enjoying it. Why does he do it? Is this a fetish or is this a dare or what usually the fetish people smile more? You know they get really usually the fetish people want other people shit. Yeah

What's going on here? This dude is Was this on the gram? Yeah Yeah, so he gives some more info in this okay So this is me a while back when in fact I ate my own shit, and this is how it looks I edited out the actual shit This is the first video what I hoped to be many more eating your own shit isn't something you just do for fun It was necessary for me to do at the moment anyway follow me for more content As said I'd love to tell you the backstory about this incident I promise it almost out of this world, but bat shit crazy. Nah, I'm reporting this account.

This is racism and antisemitism and homophobia. Arv V. Delah, I don't know what the fuck's going on. This is how you do it. This man got two posts. Yeah, and they're the same video. He probably did. Yeah, he probably did. He's a sick man.

Yeah, bro, like, cause this is so cra- This is a wild thing to do for a teacher, cause like, this ain't gonna get you no bitches or nothing. Nothing. Like, no friends. Bitches are gonna run. Yeah, this is wild. 400 followers, that's too many.

Too many for him. Yeah, I just reported him. He's gross. I don't want, I want him to be deported. Yeah. I don't like this at all. This man is Shit eaters are the worst dude. Yeah, like hey, you know saying give me fancy chef all day all day Yeah all day. I would rather eat fancy chefs food then watch him eat anything. I totally agree actually

I totally agree. I would like a documentary on fancy chef Yeah, when we when we do the heavy segment, the shit-eating videos are the ones that I could not tolerate. Yeah, I can't do it. I can't do the excrement, bro. No. Oh my God, oh.

Let's transition to this, because people have questions. Just imagine. All right, here you go. I have an important question I'd like to ask you guys regarding dirty talk in the bedroom. Oh, advice champ. I currently have a friend with benefits situation

with a guy whom I've known for a few months now. I enjoy doing the dirty thing with him. He goes down, plays with my milk jugs, respects my wishes, doesn't blow loads on my face. But one thing about the sex irks me. He talks dirty in the worst possible way. Not only is his voice dopey and annoying, he uses a porn-esque tone and says the weirdest shit,

like, damn, you're so good at head. You must have done this a lot before, you little slut. I don't know how to address this. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I don't know if I can give up that good D, but it's awful to hear and makes me want to exchange him for a cool guy. Please help, love you guys, Kaylee."

I mean. You can't have it all, Kaylee. That's kinda. Yeah, good dick is hard to find. You complaining about nothing. That dirty talk sounds decent. Cause here's what's gonna happen. If she brings it up and you go,

I don't mean to hurt your feelings, the performance is gonna change. He's gonna get in his head. Right. and you go, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, the performance is gonna change. He's gonna get in his head and you're not gonna get the D you were getting. Right. All you gotta do is just tell him what you want him to say, but don't tell him that you got a problem with what he's saying already.

You know what it's like? It's like when you're watching football and one of the guys has to talk a lot of shit to play his game. And you're like, why is this guy boast so much? Like, why is he so cocky? You're like, that's how he plays. Right. You gotta accept it.

See, this is the problem with some of these hoes is, see, what's your name, Kaylee? You're the type of bitch that will have 90% of what you want and be miserable because it's not 100. You know what I mean? You the type of bitch that you invite 100 people to your birthday party, 80 of them show up, and instead of having a good time with your 80 friends,

you're like, where the other 20 people? It ain't gonna be perfect. You know what I'm saying? The thing is, you say if he fucking you good, and it's enough, will you enjoy in the sex, then you have to deal with that little piece that you don't like. Yeah, just do what you've been doing. Ignore it.

Because I guarantee you, listen, the YMH forums is full of mad niggas that will talk dirty to you perfectly and fuck you badly. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Genes low and loose like a motherfucker. You know what I mean? I think that's, you're spot on. You just, Kaylee, you just have to accept that there's one part of this thing that you're not into. Right.

But you're liking the other stuff. Just roll with it. That's the thing. You could be dating this motherfucker. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You're a shit-eating guy. He's like perfectly saying what you want him to say.

Yeah, just enjoy the dick. It sounds like it's not going to be long-term anyway. Just get the dick and you'll have a good story to tell later. You know, in 20 years you're gonna be at a campfire with your other divorced friends. You'll be like, oh girl, this one time, this dude, he fucked me good, but he used to say the weirdest shit.

You have a good story to tell. It's a story, exactly. This isn't your future husband. It's just the guy you're fucking for right now. Here's another one that came in. It says, I just got, dear mom, I just got engaged. I've never been happier, although there is an issue I have. My fiance and I are not making as many premarital loves

as we used to. We really are a match made in Fedsmoker's fun van. We had an amazing sex life. Example, one night after 18 months of dating, she had casually asked if I would lick her scrum. For the record, I ate that booty many times and we've both become huge fans. But now, for the issue at hand,

the thing is, my future bride has been way more hesitant to engage in having sex the last few months. I know it's because her mother had recently been giving her shit about her weight. My fiance used to be a cheerleader in college and naturally at 30, she is not in the. My fiance used to be a cheerleader in college and naturally at 30 she is not in the same shape she used to be. Lately instead of the early days of jumping into bed whenever we felt excited, she now has an entire build-up and pre-preparation ritual to

our marital love situations. How do I get her to be more spontaneous like she used to be? I want her to feel sexy. I never have the lingering idea that her weight makes her less sexy in my eyes. She makes my jeans the highest and tightest, and I would love, I would just be another cool guy on TikTok if it wasn't for her. I need your help. Much love, Campbell." Give her compliments, nigga.

It's not like, like if you want her to feel sexy, like convince her, tell her. Make her sexy. Yeah, tell her she's sexy all the time, every time you see her, every time you think it. That's all I can think of. And also, hey look, push come to shove, you gonna have to grab her mother by the throat.

Hey bitch, you gonna stop fucking with her self-esteem. You know what I mean? Because it's fucking with our sex life. Exactly. You know what I mean? Like if I was you, like you just gonna have to deal with the fact that you're not gonna be cool with her mom, but I would just shit on her mother.

Anytime her mother say some shit to her I would fucking I would roast her mother to no end put it point out how ugly her mom is to her Yeah, how fat she is and gross she is. Yeah, fuck her stupid ass mom. I was seriously I would hurt her unless her dad's scary But but Brian's right. I mean you do that just have to compliment the shit over. Yeah compliment her defend her Yeah, you know I'm saying tell her how beautiful she looks. Yeah, compliment her, defend her. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Tell her how beautiful she looks. Yeah, and then here's another thing I'll tell you, I think you should like,

make sure you like, touch them areas she insecure about. Like when you fucking grab that stomach, hold on to that motherfucker. Yeah, I don't like this. Yeah, like don't be repulsed by any of it, like her whole body. Yeah. Yeah, why not?

That's the fucking best advice. Yeah. He's the advice champ for a reason. There you go, Campbell, you not? That's the fucking best advice. Yeah, he's the advice champ for a reason There you go Campbell, you know what to do. Here is a video There's a few here. You just tell me whether this is horrible or hilarious. Oh That's perfect that was perfect right I love seeing somebody fall down the stairs I don't know why right and we avoided brain damage. It was just a fun fall Well, his dumbass was trying to save his drink too.

Yeah, yeah. It would have been cool if he had saved the drink. Oof. Oof. Boy, that was real close. And you know this video continues by the way. Can you imagine if you got killed by a liquid death? Oh god.

If he had landed like this? And he just snaps his own neck. Oh man. This is when you walk away fast too when you're so humiliated you're like alright and you just keep walking. Yeah like it doesn't even hurt right then it's gonna hurt later like ten steps later. The adrenaline is spiking right now. Oh no. Somebody's lighting something. There's two of them. There, put your feet up there, bro. OK, I don't even know what's going on. Oh my god, dude. See?

See, go back to the beginning of the video. See, when the video starts, I'm... It's on this other guy. Right, I'm thinking... I think he's lighting something. That's what I thought. Like he was lighting a... Oh, that other guy's lighting something.

Like a firecracker. But I think there's one in here. Maybe they have a few of them going. My God, what are you? Holy shit, what'd he put in there? A fucking M80? Fireworks, I don't know what kind. Dude, that blew that thing to... And what's wild is like,

his feet wasn't even situated in a way where it was going, you know, like, I think he basically like ripped, he tore his fucking Achilles right there. That was bad. They were like too low. Yeah. Jesus Christ, man.

That was it. You deserved every fucking bit of that. That was, that was so much bigger than I thought it was gonna be. You know what I love about some of these videos is like, my favorite YMH videos are the ones where I get to judge the person in such a way where I don't have to be concerned about them.

Yeah. So then I get to be like, I get to enjoy it. Yeah, you deserve it. They deserve it exactly They did this shit to amuse the leg. Oh, this would be fun. Yeah, like the guy getting crushed by the car Why that's yummy because I'm like you shouldn't be standing right. You should be standing. Yeah, this guy put Fireworks in the dryer. Yeah on purpose. It was like I put my legs up against it. That's why I'm thinking now You're gonna be hanging your new legs outside the drop This is gonna suck on a rock climbing wall, okay Oh, shit. Oh.

And you heard the crunch. I think somebody added that crunch in. My God, Tom. Yeah. It feels like the universe wants you to bang this woman. I know. Her arm is bent the same way yours was. It's the same. Have y'all did a side by side with this video?

We haven't, but that's a great idea. Yeah, God! We should do a nice mashup and then do hearts over it. Oh, shit. Jesus. Oh, shit. And here's the crazy thing, that's not that far of a fall. Ooh!

You know what I mean? Like, that's not. I like how you got it frozen on that frame. But she fell, like, how far is that, you think? I'm going to say it frozen on that frame. It's, but she fell like, how far is that you think? Um, I'm gonna say that's probably 10 feet. Yo, you think, okay. Oh shit, bitch! Ah, that shit, I can't even imagine it.

Ah, it sucks. Cause how do you, what I don't get is how do you, this is why it's important to teach your kids how to fall like when you fall on shit cuz you shouldn't get hurt like this Yeah, no, cuz why did you why did you put your arm behind? It's just it's so fast. It's your instinct Yeah, you got land on the shoulder, baby. Yeah, that's Damn, it's oh man. Yeah, that sucked a lot. Man, because you know, like, your shit ain't gonna, like, that's more than just a cast. That's going to be, like, a year and a half of recovery.

Oh, yeah. Physical therapy. That's that. You know what I'm saying? She could have nerve damage. Yeah. Yeah, I bet you her, she's not feeling sexy either, man. Mm-mm.

She's going to have to go see an orthopedic, maybe, like this guy. And her mouth is open. Oh my god Baggie Thanks doc. What the fuck? Just, you know, you go to the doctor and you're like, my leg hurts. Can we get a translation for that? What does that say?

Here it is. The writing translates to, for those who have broken bones cases, this is the most effective treatment. They wrote that. Oh my god, bruh. I bet you him and the chef are in the same club. You think so? He's like, I'm the doctor. We all make believe experts. In this village, they're like, who do we go see if we have a bone injury? It's like the League of Ordinary Gentlemen Gary go see Gary man

I almost want to take those screams and remix them the tone was as yeah, but that is excruciating Yeah, bro. You he did not fix that lead. Nah, there's no way The only thing is he's got I got new pain I don't know what the old pain doesn't feel like I don't feel that you I got some new things You just made it a thought you just shattered whatever was fuck. He just hammered that shit Like a literal mallet like a metal now no anesthesia No, and it was he doing right now? Is he sucking out the poison? What is he doing?

No, dude. He's just checking it out. He's like, I got it. What country is this? Ah, I wish I knew. That's not India. No, that's Singapore. I don't know.

I don't know where that is. Indonesia. Oh, Indonesia. Okay, right. Definitely. But don't they got Don't they got universal health care over there? Yeah, but why go to the fucking mainstream medicine? You can go see this guy

You know, it was like hammer time. You can't show up in my house. No my god lady one more time. Yeah. Here we go Got it, I got you, bro. Right here. There you go. She was harmonizing until the last couple of hits. He's listening for a friend. You put my ear up to it? Bro, you know what man, I guess, I don't understand how these calm men thrive. But I guess it's more fools than, I don't know man.

I don't know how you let a motherfucker do that to you. Yeah. No. No, I would never. And the whole family there participating. Yeah, and they have no expression by the way. You notice that when they're holding him down? They're like. Yeah, he probably told them like,

oh, that's a demon in your knee, bitch. Yeah. I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna get this demon out of your leg. I gotta exercise this bitch's calf. She went to a real doctor and he was like, you need to get more exercise. Oh yeah, no, I do exercise.

I gotta take a quick leak. We gotta take a break real quick. And we are back, I had to pee, it was awesome. Here's another. I helped. You did help, thank you for that. For their support. Here's a cool guy. This guy's pretty cool. Oh fuck, this one's gonna suck. You can do anything you put your mind to and I think I can do this.

No, no guy. No guy. Oh man. Oh Man Just so bad for you, bro Bitches Yeah, that guy works hard you can tell you know, yeah, yeah his hours yeah, he definitely don't get good sleep, you know That was the whole basically the whole bottle Yeah, yeah. He puts in his hours. Yeah, he definitely don't get good sleep, you know. That was the whole, basically the whole bottle. Yeah man, that's, like what's that gonna do to his body?

Do we got any follow-up statistics? I don't think we. We don't have any more information on the court. Yeah bro, you just gave yourself alcohol poisoning. Yeah, that was Crown Royal in under 10 seconds, an entire. That was a fifth of Crown. Yeah, right. Yeah Yeah, man, you uh It makes my stomach turn I mean, but it also looks like where it looks like where he is

Yeah, like women are impressed by that. Yeah, just by like the yard I just love a man with oil on his shirt. Yeah and fatty liver disease Yeah, a couple broken down vehicles in the yard that he's tinkering with. Right, right. I do a lot of tinkering. These things will be up and running in no time. He immediately started talking to the bitches

right when he was done. Yeah. He's like, bitches. Yeah, this thing is, it's incredible. Fucking A, dude. I know, that actually makes my stomach jump. I'm like, ugh. Yeah, I'd be his friend.

Trans women getting pregnant is not as far off as you'd think. In the past 10 years, 50 babies have been born from a uterus transplant. How this works is a person with a damaged or missing uterus gets a new uterus. Then they get pregnant, then they give birth to a child via C-section.

The implanted uterus is then removed so that the person doesn't need to be on anti-rejection meds for the rest of their life. So far, these implants have only been attempted on cis women, but there's nothing that says it couldn't work on a trans woman. But you could just, you could just, you could just pay your b bitch to carry your baby. Yeah, but I guess they want the full experience, you know? After all, my hormone levels are pretty similar to a cisgender woman, so why not?

The main thing in the way is that the science is new, so there aren't enough surgeons out there to do the testing. Is that the main thing in the way? So it's less about if we can do it and more about when we can do it. I think it's less about if we can do it and more about when we can do it. I think it's more about if you should do it. Yeah, I mean, also, like I'm not a doctor,

but it feels like putting a uterus into a biological male's body is gonna have all types of disruptions. You know, I think, cause I don't, look, do whatever you wanna do with your body, right? But what I don't understand is, cause the trans influencers,

they always, it's like, if you're gonna go through all the transition of like, transitioning from a man to a woman, right? Straight downgrade. Why would you, why do you want all the worst parts of being a woman I never see them show off like all the upsides right yeah yeah get pregnant and and can you have a c-section? Like no no none of the biological women want that no no woman's like I'm so excited about more C-sections. Right.

No, of course not. Oh, a new uterus? Oh, man. I know, it's like, this person just wants to suffer. Yeah, and listen, and this has nothing to do with this person being trans. I'm just irritated by this woman. Yeah.

She seems like an irritating person. Well, let me show you something else about her, because this will make you fucking not like her more. Looks like he's having a nice piece to hold her yeah it's okay it's all good but it was not all good I see her pronouns I'm not sir yeah like it's like a knife in the heart I also did specifically ask ahead of time not to be called sir. Yeah, I'm just gonna go Okay, the sweet water starts at okay You just always like a knife it always hurts every single time I was wondering if there's a manager I could talk to about

Something that happened. Yeah, I was called sir.. Oh I just really sucks every time it happens. I Don't need to be called ma'am She's like I'm I'm so not expecting to be called sir that I always have my camera set up set up for entire meals just in case Somebody calls stakingly Yeah, because listen here's here's the God-honest truth. Like I said, I so support the, you know,

if you want a transition or whatever. But again, it's called a transition. You know, like some of y'all ain't, like it's a loading bar, some of y'all ain't in 100%. Right. You know what I mean? And so it's like, you can't get it, if you halfway through the transition,

you can't get upset when people go, you know, make a mistake, you know what I mean? And so it's like, you can't get, if you halfway through the transition, you can't get upset when people go, you know, make a mistake, you know what I mean? Because you see some trans women and you're like, I had no idea, because they, Because you know what it is, man, is like, this shit makes people think that all trans people are this annoying. Yes.

And that's not, like I have trans friends where it's like, and you know, when they was first transitioning, I was like, I will fuck up and say the wrong thing, and my friend was like, don't worry about it, it took me 30 years to know. That's cool. So I don't expect you to get it right immediately, you know what I mean? Sure.

And so I was like, to like, this is fucking stupid. Yeah, well, and it's, it's just bait, you're just baiting people, you know what I mean? Like, she knows that. She wants to be able to complain. Exactly. And she also knows that, like you were saying, she's in the process of this.

And she's obviously saying that because she knows that people are misgendering all the time. Because she has. She's like, I only set up my camera when I got stubble right when I got a Five o'clock she has masculine features like it's just the way it is. So like, you know, I don't know shave your chin off Do do the work. It's actually sir. Yeah It's actually not sir. And finally, you know that we love our PC here, right? Who Robert Paul Shampone? Oh, of course. Yeah, and we have an update I have a sees go to he's got it for sure

You're not in the woods Robert You're not in the woods, Robert. Hey, what you got to do, you a taboo? Yeah, you got to cut some heavy milkin', man. You want to milk? Yeah, you want to milk me, man? Yeah, that's what you want to do. Yeah, you want to milk me, man? Come on, man, yeah.

He wants to be milked? Robert, I gotta say... You know what, I take back what I said about that lady. He's more irritating than her. I don't like this guy. Oh no, I wanna tell you Robert, I think this is a fantastic new lane for you. The green screen, first of all,

he's never had this level green screen behind him. We're like, you know what I mean? Did y'all gift him this? I don't know how he did this. How did he do this? Is this like a filter? I think most of the apps can like kinda do this now they can put like a fake background behind you.

But I mean this is high level for like for him. Yeah It's yeah, cuz this is because I remember isn't he the one that was like looking for yes Black living yes roommate sex Lisa Nikki right? Okay, right free food free rent. He wants to be milked in the woods Also, he made that hat does it say fuck me on it This is like somebody like somebody made a shitty clone of the Macho Man, Randy Savage. Like they didn't get the DNA right? I mean, it's, you know, he's doing his best. I feel like, let's see, oh, there's the Macho Man.

Ooh yeah, milk my titties. I want black guys, Lisa and the key. Actually it's ma'am. This is, Robert, I love your venturing out into new background settings. I think you should definitely keep exploring that. The hat is fantastic, I know you made it. Yeah, we don't actually, we don't hate you.

No, no, not at all. And I think men can lactate. I think they can. Yeah, they can actually have uterus transplants now I don't know if you heard. You know, that's a new thing. Yeah. Yeah, I'm very excited for that I hope that I hope that a bunch of men that are transitioning do that. Colostomy bag. Can you understand this master of accents? This is a Brit talking to a Brit, I believe Let's see, yeah.

This guy works on Jeremy Clarkson's farm. Let's see if you can make out what he's saying. It's something, obviously, with the water on the public bullcock now in the water from up here. Now it took out, right? Now, right, mains water. I'll tell you what, I didn't know, not in the corner were a stable.

You could tell that he's like, oh fuck. What is he? I Don't know is that never worked anything. You blame me your Bond is not could have been bought. I'm not into that He's not in a line. I say is get no water. I don't find that one truck She's had the pump and I ain't took a I Oh two of them glass was nearly every day I've done. He says she's got no water and only one pump. That's incredible. Yeah, I picked up words, but not sentences. Sound like the Tasmanian devil trying to talk.

It's so great that that's I think that guy works for him. Who is this man? This is the ain't that the dude from? The top gear. From the car show. Yes, yes, yes. And who's British and he's I think there's clearly another Brit talked and you could tell he's like I don't know what this motherfucker. Yeah, cuz like Britain has like their version of like the deep south. You're right. Yeah, right Yeah, these are the people that you know boil everything. Yeah. Yeah, you get boiled bacon boiled cabbage boiled It's like when we talked to someone from the bayou and you're like what?

Right, but they have good food. Well, they have good food, but you can't understand something. Yeah, nah, this dude, these are the British people that put beans on eggs and shit. Oh, yeah. I'm not obviously with the water on the public bullcock now in the water from up here. Now ain't took out, right?

Now right man's water. I tell you what, I didn't know not in the bin, but I'm not in corner where I stay, both. took out right now right mains water you can tell that he's just like I don't know what the fuck you see yeah some about the pump being by the stable yeah pumping by the stable and never worked anything that didn't never worked from bond is not good been well not into that if you find I say is get no water I don't find that one truck she's had the pump and I ain't took a I two of them glass was nearly every day I've just she had the pump and everything took out. It's what he said fuck man That yeah, but he has a hard time. I hope he's not allergic to nothing

No, you know he fuck around and be in the hospital like, do you have any allergies? I would, no. They're like, can you get someone else in here? He's like, I can't, no saline. That motherfucker gonna die. Like he gotta go to the hospital right in that town. Yeah, and then, yeah exactly, to the person that lives there,

that treats there, that grew up there Shit fuck man. All right this uh You're on the road. You want to pull up. Can you pull up Brian Simpson comedy comm? Oh, yeah, I'm coming to Madison, Wisconsin Philadelphia October I'm gonna be at the Wilbur theater There you go in Boston and then I'm doing the next day in New York City at the Bell House. Oh that's in Brooklyn.

Yes in Brooklyn, yeah. So come through, get those tickets right fucking now. Get some tickets there. Go see him. Philly, Boston, Brooklyn, Cleveland. Get tickets, bryancimpsoncomedy.com. Yep. Always good to see you my friend.

Likewise. Thank you for coming today. We'll see you guys next week Direction achieved, Direction fucking achieved This nigga give me a boner This nigga give me a boner A 19 year old girl, dark hairy asshole And a dark pussy, teenage panties And I also paid extra for her not to wipe her pussy after this Cause I'm monopolizing her vagina, right?

Shit, mixed with piss, mixed with fucking teenage pussy juice What a wrong goal, sorry, Let's give it a whiff. Oh, direction achieved. Direction achieved. Oh, direction achieved. Direction fucking achieved. Oh, this is giving me a boner. Brain down, brain down, brain down.

Oh, this is giving me a boner. Brain down, brain down, brain down.er Oh that is pungent Do you think it smells of shit? With a pussy that was not wiped after a piss Her panties have a very similar smell Pungent and nasty This is how it boys This is how it boys

But I paid an extra for the three days of wearing I never took women Cause I felt like I was the tit Let's give it a whiff Erection achieved Erection achieved Erection achieved Erection achieved

Erection fucking achieved This nigga be a boner, this nigga be a boner Thanks for watching guys!