Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806

Episode Date: April 16, 2025

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Go to http://helixsleep.com/YMH for 20% Off Sitewide Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com! Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code YMH -- just pay $5 shipping. Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code BURNING. Head to https://www.squarespace.com/MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code MOM. It’s a big week in the Mommy Dome — Tommy Smurfday and Christina P kick things off with a beautiful clip reminding us that fisting is more than a hobby — it’s an identity. That flows nicely into some stories from a Por Osos gay bar takeover where Tom was apparently the belle of the very gay ball. Meanwhile, CP confesses she had a dream that Tom adopted a selfishly sinful life that involved slurping white, kinky clubbing, and hanging out with Charlize Theron. Then it’s time for a call with Tony Johns, who updates the Mommies on why he got kicked out of a local dive bar, his new OnlyFans photo hustle, and his upcoming scene with Alexis Fawx. Speaking of MILFs, Mother’s Day is around the corner, so consider grabbing one of Mommy Christina's latest lipsticks for that special broad in your life. We also get an Enny story about his dream girl who ruined it all with a single turd, and a deep dive into some toxic clips, some ladyboy goodness, and a TikTok buffet featuring sprite burps, gendered hair, buttered bread, tapi tapi, and a man with underwear on his head who may or may not be a genius. Plus Christina presents a dealbreaker scenario with a nudist and an environmentalist. This one’s packed tighter than a stuffed pet collection. Your Mom’s House Ep. 806 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, [phone] or visit http://gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org (CT) or visit http://www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. $5+ first-time bet req. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: http://sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos. Ends 5/18/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:00 - Happy Smurfday 00:08:47 - Opening Clip: Brolapse 00:18:24 - Gay Bar Takeover & Christina's Dream 00:24:51 - Tony Johns Update 00:30:50 - Straight From The Worker's Mouth 00:40:51 - Mother's Day Lipstick Plug 00:41:19 - Clip: Different Level Woman 00:45:13 - Clip: Shopping For Cuties 00:47:44 - Nudist or Environmentalist? 00:52:11 - Enny's Inner Thoughts 00:59:17 - Christina's Curations 01:09:58 - Clip: Gender Affirming Pet Haircuts 01:11:15 - Clip: Masked Amigo 01:13:48 - Closing Song - "Let's Go Water Champ Tommy Buns Mix" by Sweet Mitchel Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's everybody this weekend? I'm going to be at the Excel Energy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota. Friday, April 18th, and then Alliance Energy Center in Madison, Wisconsin, Saturday, April 19th, during my Come Together tour. Get tickets now at tomscore.com slash tour. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Mercy is coming to theaters, January 23rd. This is the mercy core powered by artificial intelligence. Detective Raven, your child. charged with the murder of your wife. I'm not guilty. You have 90 minutes. To prove it.

Or you will be executed. You must use the tools. Every camera and cell phone is at your disposal. To solve the mystery. Can I see my daughter's socials? Do you that? Someone was in my basement. Chris Pratt.

Maybe she found something she wasn't supposed to. Rebecca Ferguson. You must move from one piece of the puzzle to the next. No, I have something here. Oh my God. Mercy. Lady 13. Maybe inappropriate for children under 13.

Only in theaters, January 23rd. Welcome to another episode. Huh. To the... To your mom's house. That was a ghetto Asian girl remix by C.JQ Productions. Classic. It was a really good one.

All-time hit, man. Yeah, that one's been in my head for a decade. Yeah. Hey, first of all, happy Smurf Day. Thank you. It's your Smurf Day. How old are you today now? I am 46 years old.

Dang, you look every day of it. Okay. Older. All right. I think you're really coming into your middle-aged dadness. I think this is a good year for you. It's spectacular. Last year, crushed for you, it's going to be even better.

Thanks, Jean. Even fucking. You know, it was great. I was, after I did MSG, I went out to a big dinner. And you went to bed. Yeah. And, um, go out to late dinners. At one point, Jimmy, who I work with, came down to my end of the table.

And he was like, you know, congratulations. This is a big day. And I was like, yeah, thanks, man. He goes, hey, you know, I was, um, I was looking at it. I was kind of doing a little trivia. Guess what year the Beastie Boys first did MSG? Oh, 92. And I was like, that was kind of my guess.

I was like, 90, 91? He goes, 84. What? 1984. It must have been like ill communication. He goes, he goes, he was 84. And he goes, so you're 52? And I go, what?

And he goes, you're like 52? And I go, I'm 45. He was like, oh. So yeah, you only would have been like four or five years old. I was like, right. Thank you. Yeah. No, I'm not seven years older than you thought.

But you've always, people have always assumed you were older than you are. Since I was 15 years old. What is that attributed to facial hair, body hair? Kind of all of it. I was basically the size at 15, 16. Yeah. Yeah, and I was shaving my face. At 15?

That's when I started? I mean, well, so this is the sideburns come in, then the peach fuzz comes in. But by 16, 17, I would have, you know, 5 o'clock shadow. Oh, my God. And, yeah, so I had facial hair. And when I was 1617, I would walk into a bar and they were like, go ahead and sit down. You're like, all right? Yeah.

Not always, you know, sometimes they would know. They were like, you're not fucking 21. Yeah. But, man, that shit was fun. That is good. That's when it was cool. Now when people are like, wait, 55. I'm like, no, not yet.

Thanks. Thankfully, for women, they don't want to, they don't guess your age. Yeah, I don't like to do that. I don't want to know. You don't need to guess. I'll just tell you. There's also, there's a limit to how weird people get about that, though. Like if somebody,

some people are really weird. Like, if you want to know someone, like, someone who goes like, I will not divulge my age. You're like, what are we doing here? It's so weird, especially if you're a person that's in the public arena. Like, Wikipedia knows all. And some people have that hidden. There are people where they go. Oh, really?

Sure. you can let people up was they go no known birthday and you're like, that's insane. Dumb. Insane. You know what's crazy to are, I knew this Hungarian mom growing up

who wouldn't let her daughter call her mom. The daughter had to call her by her first name. Why? Because she didn't want to be. Oh, mom. Mom. She didn't want to be aged. A mom is old.

Isn't that, that's fucked up. My aunt who's been on this show. Blanca. She had this thing this whenever it was, you know, you'd always, when you're kids and it's one of the adults' birthdays, there's always a little celebration cake. So I'd be like, how old are you? Because it's normal to be seven and ask. How old are you? Yeah. She would always go, I'm 21 and one burning. And I go, what? And I always thought she was saying 21 and one Bernie. Yeah. The name Bernie. And I was like, this is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. And the thing she was actually saying was 21 and one burning. I still don't understand.

I guess that's, I think it's an old expression, right? Can you look that up? 21 and one burning. Like, meaning another candle's burning? That's stupid. Is that what that? Doesn't even make sense. Yeah.

Burning. Oh, oh, it refers to the concept of burning a card in the casino in the context of blackjack. A burning card involves discarding a card from the deck to prevent cheating. It can also help identify the cards left in the deck. I still don't understand. How do you say that? Why do you say that for your age? Like, the statement refers to an age requirements of burning man.

She didn't know that. You know what it is? Can I tell you? I know exactly what happened to her. Yeah. She heard it wrong? Yeah. It's the same thing my mom would do.

Like foreigners mess up these sayings. Yeah. So she would probably want it to say, I'm only 21. And then she said, 21 in the burning. Because she thought it was funny in her mind. It's not an age reference. You know what I'm saying? The actual explanations are nothing like she would use it.

No, of course. Foreigners, but that... They're saying 21 and one burning in the context of age refers to a medical rule, the rule of nines to estimate the percentage of total body surface burned. Yes. It's so weird. It's for skin burns. But they don't, you know, they think it sounds like something.

Yeah, she thought it sounded clever, right? And like cute. Yeah. And also, by the way, was one of these people who as a child would not tell me her age. That's so stupid. And I'm like, no, but how are you for real? Do you want to know how old you are? I want to know how old you are.

When do you want to know how old? I'm like, I'm seven years old. I don't even have context for aging. I don't care. You just want to know how old you are. You already think she's ancient because you're seven. So it doesn't matter to a kid. When you're seven and somebody goes, I'm 24, you're like, you're about to die.

Yeah. You have no scale. You're so old. You've no scale for that. Yeah. So, well, happy Smurf Day. Thank you. We're going to celebrate you tonight.

We're just going to have dinner at the house, I think. Hopefully, my mother, who's 21-in-one burning, will come over. And I got to tell you. Oh, they're going to come over, of course. I haven't bought you anything because what do you buy the guy that has everything? You don't love or socks. Oh, stop with this. You don't.

Dad's like socks and ties. Can I tell you what you've done with every gift that you've ever, I've ever given you ever. Here, hand this lipstick to me. Pretend like I'm you. I'm you and it's your birthday. Oh. Okay, okay.

Oh, this is my... Happy birthday. Oh, thanks. That's a good job acting. That's what you do every time. Thanks. Put it away. I swear to God.

And then I'll never see it again. That's not true. You don't care about getting gifts. You're a gift giver. Well, that's probably more true. You like to give. You're not... I do like when you get me.

gifts. I do like it. I do. I'll tell you what gifts I would love. I know what you want. Well, no, this is a perfect introduction to it. Let's watch the opening clip and get on with the show. Happy birthday to you, Tommy. Here we go. Here you go. Blow me up, Tom. Fisting is such a gigantic part of my identity that I feel like a part of me is gone. I feel like there's a big vacancy left where fisting, I don't know what to do with myself during the most of the days. I spent so much time playing with my ass and sitting on toys and just playing on cam and like just being a general pig with my butthole that trying to fill the days now is really kind of weird. Fuck yeah.

I get it. I get that. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Oh, wow. Here, mom's house. Bart House. It's your mom's house. It's your birthday.

Tommy. You're 87 years old. Today, today. You look like you're 90. But you're only 40. Five years. You're only 45. 46.

Yeah. You are so old. You should get a face like this year. Just your lower left. Let's get those done. Do we know? General pig with my butthole. Do we know why he lost his love of life?

I think he prolapsed or something and saying it's like a real, it's difficult. There's a part two. Here you go. Okay. I don't have a lot of other hobbies. And so it's kind of forcing me to take a mirror to myself and look at myself and figure out who I am without my hole. Because I don't really know who that is anymore because I've been kind of one with my whole for so long. It's been giving me purpose.

And so now I have to kind of figure out what that looks like without it. That is, by the way, such a dedication to playing with your asshole that he doesn't even know how to describe life without toying with his asshole. Yeah, it's an existential crisis. He's having a real life crisis right now. He's like, what the fuck? I don't have hobbies. I play with my asshole. I put toys in it.

I'm on cam. People fuck it and fist it. And now what am I supposed to do? Read? Right. And mind you, he's no spring chicken. He's well into his 30s. I venture almost 40.

Yeah. And he's been doing nothing. Although I got to say this. But fucking his own asshole. I appreciate the vulnerability. Sure. The honesty. Yes.

You know, not a lot of people would share this. But you're just like, what the fuck? You know what he reminds me of? Like a guy who's retiring from 15 years in the NBA? Sure. Who's like, I've been playing basketball every fucking day. What do I do now? And now I get up and there's no practice.

You know what I mean? There's no shoot around. There's no stretching treatment. Like, what am I supposed to do? Yeah. You got to figure out something to do. do. I'm retired. His asshole was his life. It was his championship.

Now one thing I don't have context of is what you asked is what exactly happened. I mean, I'm making the assumption that his asshole took him out of the game. That's correct. Yeah, he prolapsed real bad and he had to go to the hospital for a while. Fuck. He had to like shit into a colostomy bag.

Oh, you don't want that. You don't want that. So his asshole's just out of commission now. Yeah. Yeah. And now he hosts the brolapse podcast. Which is just about life after his asshole. Nope. That's fucking wild.

We gotta get into the show. Yeah. Oh, this is so cool. There's got to be other gentlemen out there that have lost. Oh, yeah. There's probably a lot of people that are like, oh, thank God you're doing this. Thank God. What is life without fisting your own asshole?

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Converting vanilla into... Vanilla. Like, gays into fist pigs, one hole at a time. Fist Pigs. I mean, what's this other one say? This top right one. Is that a different one? Can you hit that to see what he's talking about here?

Fist Pigs. That's fantastic. With fisting change at all during this experience or like the way you connect with it, like either emotionally or spiritually, does it change after you went through this traumatic experience? I'm just, I'm just conscious, more conscious. Like before I knew there was like a risk, but like every risk you, always think that that's not going to happen to me.

But I mean, I'm a small guy. I'm short. So I'm, I think, I'm 5-7, 5-7. So I was, like, pushing myself too much because I wanted to be at the same level of other content creators. That's the problem with content today. That's what I think is like a big, it's like this competitive. This is insane. I love this.

I love this. This is a, you just up it. This is a. support group for other guys who have also destroyed their assholes. Yeah. Trying to push it. He's like, I don't know. Now I got to think about it.

I used to just, I'm small. I'd push the envelope. And then now you push too hard. It's a very specific niche brand. Yeah. It's working for him. But do you think porno stars like the women out there like my pussy's so battered? No, because your pussy's meant for it.

That's the other thing. Yeah. And I'm not, this is not about the Lord striking us all dead for playing with our assholes. it is designed for it. Yes. Stretching. Yeah, it's for that.

So I saw a video one time when I was doing research of a woman who was, Yeah, I was doing research for a school thing. Sure. And she was doing anal sex and her entire inside would come out. And she would just put it back in. Nope. No thanks, Tom Hanks. She would just be like, yeah, you fucking never did.

Listen, you know how tight I am about my sphincter. You don't want to start toying with that You can't it's not replaceable guys You only get one of them They don't do they don't do colon transplants Also this guy He's fucked he is the look on his face In the one that we played

Is like I just lost my parents Like uh No that's what it feels like No no no I agree Well he is truly lost He's let's put it into his perspective He lost his pleasure zone

And his way to make a living Go back to where you just had So it is a financial as well as physical and spiritual heart. So this is how deep this is. On March 20th, my life took an... This just happened. An unexpected turn.

A severe accidental internal injury led to a perforation in my sigmoid colon in emergency surgery. The result, a temporary colosomy bag in the long road to healing. The photos of me, raw healing human. Honestly, I've got no shame about the bag. If anything, I'm more embarrassed

that they shaved me from the tits down. Nobody wanted me. I'd wake up looking like a house. you're embarrassed about the shaving? I didn't even notice it until he... The people are checking in with them and, you know, this is a huge... Yeah, this is a life-pivety moment. It's kind of ironic that it's happening, like we're learning of this, the week that we,

a week after we went to the Iron Bear, which is a gay bar here in Austin because we had a huge porosos takeover there where we were in the bar, we were given, you know, it was bears on bears on bears. It was the two bears with all the other bears. And let me tell you something. That was one of the most fun. Fun nights. It doesn't compare to the other bar takeovers we did.

It was so festive. It was so fun. They were so welcoming. Of course. We were told that we could get fucked by these guys. It was really flattering. Guys were like, yeah, you know, if you want to, I could do things to you. What kind of guys were they bears?

All kinds. All kinds. It was all kinds. It was all kinds. And the best thing was that Bert insists he was wearing the most absurd. absurd outfit, you know? Yeah. Like he was wearing like he was going to like a fuck club.

Yeah. And yeah, he was wearing that, right? And he kept asking them, hey, who would you, who would you want between the two? And before he could finish the sentence, they'd go to him, Tom, like every time. And I was like, yeah, this is awesome. And he kept going, what the fuck? Why did I wear this? Yeah.

Yeah. Now he knows how ladies feel. Well, he looks very fat. He's so fat there. Oh, wow. You know what he looks like he's about pregnant? Remember I had to wear that support belt? He looks like a guy that you would see at a club though, right?

Yeah, the harness. Yeah, the harness and the belly and yeah. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. He's wearing a captain's hat too. It's so funny. It was great. It was actually really, but he took those off, the shorts, and his ass cheeks were out. Oh, my God.

And he said, guys were running their fingers through his crack. See it. Yeah. He was touching his crack. He is so brave, I'll tell you. Yeah. He love Bert's fun. By the way, I'm a little mad at you still because this morning I woke up.

and I was fucking so furious at you, dude, because I had this dream about you. Speaking of, like, leather daddy, so here's the dream. I dreamt that you and I... Say it again. I what? You what? I woke up furious with you.

Because I dreamt. I dreamt that you did something terrible. Did you want to hear what you fucking did? Yeah. I was so mad at you. I really wanted to fucking just kill you in your sleep. I was so fucking pissed. I really was.

Okay. Go on. I don't know if you noticed I was a little extra loud this morning when I was making my coffee. I was like, fucking wake him up. I don't give a shit. Any hoodos. I dreamt that you basically got into some really weird, kinky, sexual things. Like, but absurd.

Like the kind of shit that we cover. A guy's in like plastic masks. Like the latex. The latex guys. And then you were really in the dream into felching. Like you would suck, come out of. a butthole with a straw and I was like, babe,

I can't do this. And Charlize Theron was there with all these other, I love her too, which is like conflicted for me. It was conflicting because I really like her in real life, you know? And she was like, yeah, all the celebrities come to this club

and we all sign NDAs and you can come here and do whatever you want. Just be a pig. And I turn to you and I go, great, I'm divorcing you. I'm taking all your money and I'm taking your kids. Enjoy your fucking life, Tom. and I was super mad.

Are you listening to me? I'm listening. So selfish. Because you didn't come after me and you were like stoked that now you get to have this new fucking sexual deviant lifestyle. With Charlie's.

You gave it all up. You gave up your family so that you could felch. I spent so much time playing with my house. Yeah. Yeah. I was so mad at you. Yeah.

So disgusting. Guys do that all the time. Who I am without my hole. Guys just leave their families. Yeah, to join sex clubs. sexual stuff. Didn't you say there was some piss in there too? Some piss play.

Yeah. Like people peeing on each other. It was like sick looking people. Like when I had my colonoscopy the other day, we were in the waiting room and they were like these two gay guys and they looked really fucking ill. They looked ill. They didn't.

Like a lot of people getting colonoscopies don't look good. Yeah. You know? Yeah, they were like sick looking gay dudes. Anyway, I fucking so pissed. I hate you so much. It took me like all morning to come down from that. I'm right.

Oh, what? I hate that. one. Come for me. Shut up. No woman. Shut up. Okay.

You come. Ew. I would join if Leo was there. I would go to that. Leo, oh, him. Yeah, that guy. I think I'm a million out of camera. Let me see all that dumb.

Okay. So, yeah, I would love to go. I mean, you know, I would love to try the piss thing at a club. I think that'd be fun. Nothing burger. Honestly, if you are like, I want you to pee on me, I'd be like, yeah, who cares? That, to me, is a big. I didn't say I want to pee on me.

I want to pee on me. I want to pee on me. That's a big nothing, do you. Really? I don't care. I wouldn't want to drink it. I kind of like when I see like a woman terrified.

You know what I mean? Like really scared. That's easy to do too. You can do that? Of course. Show me. No. No.

My Botox. I got too much Botox. I can't. No, be more like real. I like when it's like. No, I don't want to do that. Like in your shows. And then you have to say like,

let me go. Like if you say something like that. Please, sir. Yeah. That's good. That's good. Don't make me hurt your dog. You know where that's from, don't you?

Yeah? You know where that's from. Oh, like you don't know that movie by heart. Don't let me hurt you. Okay. Come on, mister. Her leg's broken. She's hurting real bad.

Don't make me hurt your dog. Come on. You love this guy. Oh. Oh. It places the lotion in the basket. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry.

It sounds the lamb. Sorry, sorry. Yeah. You're about a size 16. Yeah. That's good. That's good. Frederica Bimel.

She's a great big fat. Oh. Oh, yeah. She goes, oh. She's a great big for that potion. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh, by the way. I mean, guys leave their families all the time for sexual things. Yeah. Just for sex. It's crazy to me. I mean, sex is cool. But then sometimes chicks do you.

too very rarely. Sometimes they do. Those chicks are cool though. I've spent so much time just toying with my asshole like a pig. I don't know what to do now. I'm a fist pig, Tom. I'm a fist pig. I'm a hardcore.

A fist pig. Speaking of. Fist pig. Fuck. The storyline of storylines of this year, Tony John, who we checked in with a little while ago, has been continuously and continually getting kicked out of places. And a couple nights ago, he posted that,

Curleys, a bar in Auburn, New York, gave him the boot. No. He went right out and told this story. So now, Curley's out here. Hear me out. I got a whole bag here full of photos. You know, 20, 20 bones, you know. Nice.

Cash have Vemos. And a bartender here at Curleys, I, you know, try to give her a photo as a donation. You know, just to be nice, you know, a. local nice man here yeah uh curleys auburn new york and uh she said oh no we don't do that here i said what she said oh no we don't do that here i said it's a donation it's a photo for a donation it's a donation it's for the bar a donation you know what i'm saying it's a photo donation she said oh no you're 86 out of curleys don't ever come back here again i said what's stupid she said oh no don't ever come back here again you're 86 i said yes man perfect i'm gonna i'm gonna walk out

I don't want no problems I'm gonna walk out I'll never see me again in this bar Adios, Curley That's pretty wild And then is there follow up to this story Is that what I'm hearing? Oh yeah

Scroll up a little bit Thanks cutie pie Okay what's this one? Yeah I'm just just rolled out of bed Literally I'm just waiting for the bus now I just rolled out of bed Fresh out of bed

I gotta go grab me a few swigs Yeah, fuck yeah. I don't know, I got to get me some laundry detergent. I got to give me a few loads done this afternoon. So, nice kickback day today, but I do, you know, just want to say I appreciate the bartender.

Curley, she did apologize last night. She called me. And, hey, no worries, sweetie. I appreciate, you know, your subscription. You know, I really, really do. I really do appreciate your subscription. 100% you know you're an absolute sweet heart you're an absolute you know tall glass of water so thank you he does like the tall burnets yeah he's been um yeah he likes it sounds like she you know kind of

sorted herself out after 86ing a local celebrity i think she understands that he's just hustling he's just he's a worker and he's doing work and these photos are rad and by the way you if you follow him online you can get yourself a photo uh this one came here to the office it's autographed by Tony Johns he's in his speedo or his little tidy um underwear yeah it's a speedo it's yeah he's at Tony Michael John's 96 it's great handle it's a great handle I think Cougar got a personalized one oh Cougar how lucky he's signed it and everything so I'm a feeling if you're nice to Tony and you request it he'll sign it can we find out what's going on with him uh yeah let's give

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Head on over to Squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code mom. That's M-O-M to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Yo, yo, what's going on, partners? Hell, yes. What's up, T? Yep, yep, yep. Oh, baby, come on.

Hey, man. Oh, Joe Tom. Yeah, dude, how you doing? Joe, Tom. I'm doing really good. Hey, bro, I got a whole bunch of donations. Yes, sir. And I'm walking back to my place here with the Little Caesars donation there.

Yes, sir. It's a pretzel pizza and some Italian crazy bread. Nice. And, oh, yo, Tom, there's been a lot of craziness going on out here, brother. Yeah, I know. Holy shit. So what's happened lately? What's going on?

So my landlord still don't have any key. to my building and my ass it's craziness brother and I asked my landlord and the the manager there uh Scott chaplain James Myers I asked him several times to give me keys they wouldn't give me no keys man and enough's enough I needed to get in my building it's raining out here it's snowing out here right I ended up just having enough and just blowing down the whole door oh shit enough's enough yes sir 35 Marcus Street enough enough I blew down the whole fucker and it's still a Monday I believe. So how do you... Did you get in trouble for that? Yes, sir. I was arrested and charged with a criminal mischief. Yes, sir.

So how is, what's the... First of all, for your housing, I assume you're in the process of being evicted, though, right? They're evicting you? Oh, yes, sir. Yep. So I go to court with these crazy guys on the 15th. And yes, sir. What's your, what's your angle going to be in court? What are you going to say when the judge says, hey, you're being evicted? Are you paying your... rent? I'm an honest man. I'm a straight shooter. See, like right now, Tom, I'm literally walking inside. You can walk in when you want to and you can leave when you want to. There ain't no locks, no more because I ain't got no keys, brother, so you can come in when you want and you can leave. See, I'm in the building now. So what will you tell the judge, though, that you can't pay?

No, I can pay. It's just these guys have been treating me like garbage, man. Right. Like, I'm a good food. I was assaulted by both of these crazy men. I was... Yeah, that's insane. Yeah, that's not. That's what I'm saying, dude. That's why I'm not like paying rant, dude, because, dude, there's been feces left on my door. I don't know, like dog poo or chocolate or some craziness.

And I just spasped out, and I had enough. And I said, no, enough's enough, you know? And then I was assaulted. What are your plans if the judge orders you to leave the building? You have to go somewhere. Where are you going to go? Oh, yes, sir. I'm, to be honest, Tom, I'll be all right, man.

You know what? They always keep the lights on at the motel six, sir. That's true. What about getting out of Auburn? What about just leaving Auburn for good? Ah, man, I like it out here, man. You know, you know, it's a struggle, and I'm trying my hardest, Tom. I like it out here, man.

Now, we were just telling our audience that another way to show support a fan, you are selling these photos, right? You can, you sell the photos. Oh, yes, sir. Yes, I really do like, like the photos. So how do people get a photo? What's the process? Oh, yes, sir.

So you can either shoot me, shoot me a buzz, you know, text me, call me, Instagram, DM, Facebook DM. Yes, sir. I got them 20 a pop, sir. there, Tom, cash out of MMO. And yeah, call me, text me. I'm here for you. You want a photo donation?

You got it. Yes, sir. Okay. And another way you're raising funds is we're trying to promote your only fans, right? Yes, sir. Yep, yep. And you're doing a bunch of solo content right now? Oh, yes, sir.

And I'm loving it, brother. Like, seriously, man, it's, it's, dude, like it's, yes. Excellent. That's awesome. Well, I'm so proud of your hustle, Tony. I love that you're printing out these foes. photos. They're lovely. They're very high quality and you sign them for the fans. You are just, you're about to pop off. You really are with the Lexus.

Oh, yeah, that's coming up. And before we get to that, though, because there's something I want to ask you about that, about the scene. What happened at Curleys? Why did you get 86 from there? Oh, dude, so like, yo, it's crazy. So, oh, it's the craziest thing ever. So I had a, you know, I had a few photos left. Yeah. And I, you know, there was a, there was a cutie, you know, tall, tall Burnett. A bartender. Yeah. And what I ended up doing, there, Tom and Christina, I ended up pinning my photo on the back there on the back wall.

And it was me with a bandana and a hat. Yeah. You know, because I have to keep my head warm. You know, it's wintertime. Sure. But I just pinned a photo on the back there because there was a back there where it said, like, looking, like people pin up their stuff, like, for work. And, you know, like, you know, if they need laborers or whatnot.

Yeah. You know, there's just up, you know, boarding pin stuff up. And I end up pinning it up on the board going to the bathroom and coming back to watch the Florida game. It was an amazing game, Florida. Yes. And, yeah, I, she took it like really, really offensive. She was like, no, we don't promote, we don't promote only fans. And I'm sitting back here like, whoa, what are you talking about?

And I was trying to be honest, like, hey, that's a donation. for your bar. My name's Tony Michael Johns. I don't know if you know me, you know, but I'm a good dude. I'm just, I'm trying to get my name out here. I'm trying to, you know, do comedy skits. I'm trying to do, you know, I'm just trying to make an honest dollar lady. Like I'm giving this photo and I signed my name on it and for a donation and she said, oh no, she said, oh no, you're 86 and I said, whoa, what's going on? She's like, get out and I said, yes ma'am. I ended up just walking. I said, hey and then uh you know a few hours later i was at i was at another another local uh pub there uh at t wallies you know just kicking back relaxing because i was in shock i was like yo

i just gave this lady a free a $20 you know donation a photo there and uh she she 86 me out the bar i'm like you know i was just watching you know it's craziness that's terrible that's crazy now did she reach out later yes sir yep yep so a few hours later I was at AT Wollies and she ended up calling me and, you know, she probably did a research on me then, like, looked me up and whatnot. She really did. She was like, hey, I'm very, very sorry, Tony Michael Jones, you know, called me the ladies' man. Okay.

And she said, oh, yeah, she was like, yo, I, you know, you're not 86th anymore. I really appreciate you, you know, just because I try to do my best, you know, just, you know, with, you know, I just, I don't know, like, I didn't want to, I didn't want to, I don't. I wasn't trying to offend anybody, and it's like, you know, like super nice lady, you know, she said, hey, you can come back anytime, you know, grab a soda, you know, is what I usually get when I go to these bars. I party sober now, Tom. Sure.

Yes, sir. Wait, are you doing cameos now? Yes, ma'am. Yes, Christina. Oh, yes, ma'am. I'm loving those, too. That's great. How much is cameo?

So I got them 18 a pop, but I, I like giving, you know, discounts. They're like 10 bucks right now, 10 bones. That's great. So if somebody wants to wish somebody else happy birthday or good luck, you can have Tony Johns do it on cameo. That's amazing. That is pretty cool. Oh, yes.

How you been, though, Christina? I'm good. Thanks for asking, sweetie. We're just, you know, again, I'm so proud of you and your hustle here, printing these photos of yourself. And I think your future is very bright. You just stay out of trouble, though, okay? Yes, ma'am.

Yeah, I can't get arrested anymore. No, don't get arrested. Don't get arrested. And also, everybody is thinking literally every day about your upcoming scene with Alexis Fox. And wondering, how do you feel about this kind of, you know, law enforcement scenario, right, where you're being arrested. She's the arresting officer. She's taking you back to get fingerprinted and strip searched and everything.

And then her boss, her sergeant, officer cum dump walks in and he orders her to do a more thorough search yes sir i am 100% game strip me down take my boots and do it we do yes yes sir yes man all right all right cool strip strip me strip me yeah and you're cool if um uh this actor rPC um joins the scene right like oh yes oh yes awesome okay perfect he's a legend yes sir oh yeah let my boots strip me strip me down. It's going to go viral. I need to be fucked a lot.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay, cool. Well, we're going to actually check in with him and see if we can tie all this together, okay? Oh, yes, please. This is amazing. Hey, stay out of trouble, Tony. Yes, please.

Yes, sir. Thank you for the, for the, you know, buzz, Tom. Thanks for the ball. Absolutely. We'll talk to you soon. Yes, sir, thank you. Okay, bye, bye, bye, bye, guys. I think a cameo with Tony Jones would be amazed.

That's a great. That's a great way for him to make some scratch. A lot easier than OnlyFans, too, even. You don't have to come. You don't have to take your peener out. You can make those anywhere in public. Yeah, that's so cool. So, guys, get your cameos.

Order the photos, I think. Let's do a quick pee break. Oh, you got a whiz? I got a whiz. Anyway, I wanted to plug Mother's Day is just around the corner. What better gift to get her than Christina Pee lipstick? go to christina p.com i suggest just getting all four in one pop order it now so that you make sure to get it by mother's day celebrate your mom celebrate your mom's something get your mom something

i am wearing the perfect red right now and it really is a love power factor it's great i love that um got a cool clip to show you that oh good let's party i'm straight i'm dating lady boy and i don't think i'm gay i'm attracted to chini she looks like a woman she's very beautiful she's very feminine how does it make me gay how about that's a good question I feel like in 2025 there are two types of women there is women with a and woman with a same skin and it's the same tissue it's just different form of the same thing woman different level she's different to me and that's how I see her it's part of you and I love you and I love every part of you and you know what you don't need to answer

anyone people just curious because they're jealous did you hear any yeah Now, what are you feeling when you watch that? That's fucking, she ain't even trying to do the trans voice. She's just letting it rip, like, whatever. But be honest. If this was, no, no, no. If this was, video is shown in a different context and you're just seeing her. You don't know right away.

Like, she does present. Let me see again. She's here. Let me see the full body. I mean, titty's small. It's kind of a. Yeah, but come on. But like, you're seeing her right there.

That doesn't scream. Yeah, it could be a check. Yeah. Yeah. I'll give it to you. Yeah. You just, you don't know.

But as soon as she talked, talking about, but damn, what the fuck. This is a, that's why I so appreciated when Jim Norton was here. Yeah. And he was just like,

well, I'm definitely like, you can't call me straight. Right. You know? He admits that it's, I think the problem with, with this is that they're trying to convince you

that, A, if you're not into trans men, women, whatever, you're homophobic. Yeah. If you're not in... Transphobic. Transphobic.

Sorry, yes. Transphobic. And that you should, this should be presented a certain way. It's like, no, maybe not. Just however you want to react. You can fuck whatever you want. Sure.

I don't have to be convinced that you're straight or whatever. I don't care. The thing that somebody always says in this situation is like, you don't have to answer anybody, okay? Whatever you like is what you like. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, because...

You can just say you like this. It doesn't matter. Yeah. No one cares. But he does say the thing that I... Here I think Jim reiterated it. He's like he's not attracted to a male presenting man. You know what I mean?

He doesn't find a man attractive. Correct. He likes this situation though. Sure, with a dawn. It's a dick. Yeah, there's just a dick there. It's just it's not a deal breaker. Exactly.

That's the thing is like if I described a woman to you, any. And I was like, you know, whatever. She's slim. She's got beautiful hair. Tits. Is the dick a deal breaker? What? Yes, it's a deal breaker. I don't understand the question. Hold on. What if I'm me, Tom, I'm me.

Yeah. We have 20 years together and just one day I wake up and I've got a dick. Yeah. I'll tell you the truth. I'll tell you the truth. Okay. You get your own room. You get a room and you get to live there. And I want the kids to have you around. You want the kids to have me around. Yeah, I don't want you to leave because, you know, we have kids. Children, yeah. What if you did, we just do butt sex? But do we stop having sex entirely? I think with your dick we do.

Yeah. That's the end of it. I guess we start fisting. I'll start fissing. Yeah. You can be a fist pig. Yeah. What's wrong with you?

Just make you prolapse. Perforate your colon. Well, if you woke up with a vaj, that would be a problem for me to. Some people it's not a problem for. You know, this. Deseris would be hairy and just. Hairy and gross. Your badge would be so unruly.

Because we love these videos When somebody goes like, hey cutie Like a man doing hand Oh, I love these, yeah And then this one, you could tell it was just like He started He was just trying it on someone But you could tell this took a turn

That the guy doing the kind of prank That didn't expect Hey cutie You're gonna keep playing an eye tag You're gonna holl at your boy Huh? I'm gonna keep playing an eye tag You're gonna holl at your boy sexy

You consider me sexy Mm-hmm Yeah, well I am You want to take a bite of me Take a big boy for a ride. I don't think my ass could handle you probably will, huh? Mm-hmm. You could handle me right up, huh? Yeah, I probably could, dude.

Hold on. Mm-hmm. Do you want to try? Yeah. You do? You're a policeman, right? I'm not a police. I'm just a sexy man looking for a freak off. Oh. How many inches you got down there?

Ten. No shit. Ten. Yep. All right, you have a good one. Sexy. Hang on. Oh.

I don't have any money if you're expecting to get money. Oh, shit. Are you expecting to get the study? He really took him up on it. That's the first time. I've never seen it turn like that. Never. Usually the guys are like, what?

Yeah, who? What? I don't know. They laugh or something. Yeah. This guy just went right to, what do you got down there? Dang. He doesn't look gay at all.

It's not like, uh. Right? Would you have guessed that he was down for dudes? No, that's why he approached him. Not at all. He's approaching people that he thinks they're going to be like, what did you say? Like dads. Yeah.

That no one's told these dads that they're attractive. Right. So it's another guy telling dad. Yeah. You're such a cutie. And they're like, what the fuck? And it's like the daddest of the dads that he usually approach it. Which that.

guy had total dagged vibes. Yeah. But he's like, I'm a straight up fucking. He turned his car. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't have any money. But if you're, where are you going to do this? He followed him. And then he starts following him.

And then this guy's got to be like, I'm just fucking with you, which is terrible. Yeah, because he's like, I'm going to fucking fire up, bro, what's up? Which is terrible. How many? Well, it's terrible. It's a catastrophe. It is. He got that guy all.

That guy has such a dopamine drip going right now for somebody telling him like, hey, this could. You know what I mean? It's like he's so excited. And then we don't see the rest of this of how the guy who's recording goes like, hey man, I'm just fucking around. I'm just making a funny, I just did it for shits and giggles.

Fuck, dude, I know. Yeah, broke his heart, man. Broke his heart. He just broke that old man. I know he's got his Christmas cards in there and everything. His old gay heart just broke in half. It's not cool. Hey, Tom.

Yeah. Speaking of deal breakers, you know, we play this game. Yeah. I'm me. I'm everything me. But what if I had this one thing about me? Yeah.

What would you do? Right. Okay. What if I'm me? You're you. We have our life, 20 years of history. But I've decided I'm a nudist. So that means like on the weekends, when we're all hanging out, I'm nude.

If your mother comes over, your sister, you're just like, she's nude. What am I going to do? Here's the truth. I think I get used to it, but I'd be really fucking annoyed by it. And I would tell you. I'd be like, you can't do it. It's fucking, it's like Burt putting something on Instagram. I'd be like, could you fucking just not for today?

Did you stop sharing everything? Yeah. Can you just... Just live your life. Can you wear clothes today? Please. But what if I was... Okay, so what if I'm a nudist?

And then I also decided to free bleed when it's my period. I'm like, this is what I do. But I'm a nudist. Would this be a deal breaker for you? It'd be a lot more time alone. A lot more time alone. Yeah. I'd be like, I know what's happening this week.

Call me next week. I don't want to be around for your free bleed. And I don't want you to be new. nude when my family comes over. They'd get used to it. Mm-mm. Your mom and your sister? No.

I'm a woman. They don't care. I think they would. I wish you would become a nudist. How funny would that be? Me? You'd be like people over for dinner. Hello, guys. And you're like,

that's my husband is honest. Like, could you put a towel down before you sit on the furniture, please? It's my house. I like to sit like this. You see like my, my dick just tuck into my ball bag? There's no sexual arousal. It's just like all flaccid, soft. That is the weird thing about nudists

is that they just live their life without clothing. So they're not in a state of arousal. They're not in a state of doing anything. It has nothing to do with like sex. No. They don't live free. And this is the way we were put on this earth. That's so gross.

I was noticing how whenever I'm with Bert, there's always someone who's like, hey, can I take my shirt off? And Bert's always like, yeah. And so whenever someone takes their shirt off, you see like abrasions and like scars and stuff and I'm always like, put your fucking shirt back on, man. Of course.

You don't realize how much the shirt saves that for, you know what I mean? I was like, oh, are you kidding? My body, too. No, not you. Think of all the scarring and the, you know, injuries people you get over the years. I was just talking about bad skin and like ingrown hairs and stuff. I'm like, dude, fucking put your shirt back on. This is disgusting.

What if I, hold on, I'm not done playing the game wins you. Okay. So nudist, yeah or nay. I want you to really take it seriously. No, I don't like it. But you'd stay with me. I guess I would stay with you, but I would have a new problem with you. A new problem?

Yeah. It's annoying as shit. It's super annoying. It's super annoying. But it's not a deal breaker is what you're saying. Social life would be really affected. Keep going. Very affected.

What's your next one? Okay. What if I become a super environmentalist? It's to the point where like, hey, we have dinner plans tonight. We're going to drive over to our friend's house. they live 10 minutes away and I say shit like, babe,

you know how I feel about wasting fossil fuels in the car. Honestly, this bothers me more than the nudist. Environmentalist. You drive. I'm going to bicycle there. It's going to take about an hour.

I'll meet you there and then I'll bicycle home. If we have to record the podcast, it's going to take me like two hours to bike here. No. And I go home, there's no toilet paper and you're like,

well, it's just such a waste. We use the family towel. Why don't you use a family rag? Yeah, no, those are grounds for... Those are grounds for dismissal? I think separation, at least, yeah. Wow! And, like, I don't hound you about your choices,

but I'm constantly going through the trash, separating out the plastics and the compost tape. This is not the worst. I mean, someone who's like that from where I can barely spend five minutes with, so I can't imagine living with them. So, you can do that shit somewhere else. We do that thing where we're just neighbors. We're like, you're just going to move next door and do all your bullshit.

We buy the house next door. Yeah. I think Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton did that at one point. They just had houses next door to each other, and they would compare. They're both pretty crazy. They're both absolutely, probably insane. Well, we could do that. Okay.

Okay. Thanks. Here, I'm really excited. I have one more. I want to move on. I'm really excited. This is one of the segments we played last week, but he wasn't even here for it. This is the segment I like to call Eni's Inner Thoughts.

Oh. So here we go. with one of any's inner thoughts It is so crazy When you ever smash the girl Right Got talked off or something Got throat got throat it

And then She already made it clear That she got a man or something They're kind of like on some breakup shit or whatever And then you go ahead and hit it And then like you're a seer in the streets Or in the store somewhere With an old boy with a man

Why do that shit make you want to smash her Be like next time I get I'm gonna just really Whoa he's flexing those tits I'm gonna kill it Hell yeah I was gonna get mad honestly But the more I hear it

Actually this is kind of exactly I'm kind of mad that you're as accurate as you are That's awesome dude I've been watching this guy for a couple months now He's so cool It makes you want to smash him worth More Harder longer

Keep them longer Ride her hard Put her up wet Hell yeah I don't know like you appreciated more when you see you see somebody that you know they got a mate and shit especially when you see them with the mate and you know you didn't smash then you want to smash again you be like damn what's you going to come back through fuck what do you think any yeah i really it upsets me now i

don't like seeing it from this perspective yeah i'm i'm usually the dude saying stupid shit like this and now that i see it's very uncomfortable but um yeah no that's that's true shit like uh shit last time i was i was dancing with some girl and then her dude like pulled her closer to him or whatever was like yo like she's my you know type shit yeah it's like I'm a hundred percent fucking you bitch now tonight tonight I mean I tell you this and he's in a hundred percent like you do not fucking say

oh this is my like I wasn't going to fuck with her anyway we were just dancing relax but you're gonna make it a fucking thing and what did you end up going home with it hell yeah fucking do hell yeah fucking do hold on you're not afraid that that guy's gonna find you and get into fights and do what fight you fight you

be like kill you come with a gun to your fucking house do it wow Yeah, yeah. I'm scared of shit. This is a, what's his handle? Shit. Shit, what? Shit, likeer for real on God.

On underscore God. He likes to say on God a lot. Oh shit, shit talker for real on God. Oh shit talker for real on God. There's just missing a letter or something. Okay. Yeah, he definitely, yeah. He definitely is.

Tell me this. Why is it a girl is your dream girl until you smell or take a shit? Oh my God damn You'd be like Oh she ain't that fine It takes away a lot A lot Tell me I'm lying

Tell me I'm captain You smell if you girl Take a big shit before Have you smelled me take a shit Not really good Have you smelled it? Not really Here he is

How is he smelling the big shit Shit talker for real underscore on God Yeah That's a great handle Yeah He puts out content a lot Good for him

He's very good though I like his thoughts. Yeah, here's another one of any's inner thoughts right here. No matter how much we do for a woman, no matter how much we give them holes, them three or fours, them thoughts, it'll never be enough.

They can't even give themselves enough. They never content. They never satisfied. They're never thankful. They never grateful. They never appreciate shit. If they do that shit, wear off.

Is that true any? No, that one's good. Okay. Oh, shit. We found the first one. Tell me why. I mean, I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that this nigg is very unhealthy and toxic to be around.

You know, it's just not a good vibe, as they're saying. And then he considers, like, answering a fucking phone call being like, I did so much for you, bitch. Like, I was so busy. I answered that phone. You don't like me no more? Like, damn, bro. Bare minute.

Okay. Okay. So, I mean, there's a little bit of balance here in any. I see what you're saying? because this guy reminds me, this guy shares my father's philosophies in many ways, right? Like, I think this is my father.

Yeah, I know. You and I have a same dad. We might be related anyway. But this is exactly my father, what you're saying about like, oh, come on, man, I called you, didn't I? Like, didn't I fucking show up last weekend? Didn't we talk this week?

Like, same, I think he's on to something. What more do you want? Like, in my dad's mind, just showing up is a big deal or like calling a bitch back is a big deal. Like, you're lucky I even graced you with my presence. That's a classic move. You make them

think that bare minimum is you put an effort out. Yeah, that's when they are not appreciative because you're doing nothing. You're just like, yeah, I called you yesterday. Why the fuck aren't you on my dick? What do you mean? Yeah. What? But then on the other hand... Don't care about lying to these holes. I always lie to them.

Right off real. Shit. I'm broke. So soon as before they start the shit, I'm broke, I'm unemployed. Now, let's start right there. We can build on. that shit. Yeah, this is definitely my father. Yeah, same. A thousand, yeah.

He's got some other good ones, dude. Yeah, this is my dad, too. He's got some good ones. Why, y'all being sweet to a bitch and all kind and nice and trying to figure around and shit. Y'all trying to tell her what you think she want to hear. I tell that bitch what she don't want to hear. Oh, you are fucking replaceable.

Replacable than a motherfucker because I'm fucking him, bitch. What's going on with you? You're replaceable. Yep. You're not special. You're not unique. You can't count on me. I'm not reliable.

You can't depend on me. And I can't count on you and you're not reliable. And I can't depend on you. I'm broke. But why don't they appreciate me? Yeah. And then I don't know if your dad does this, but does he get really flattered when they start to get crazy and obsessive? Because like he'll fuck with these women enough that they'll start going crazy.

Oh, for sure. And then, but he's kind of like, she's so into. me oh my god like he kind of likes it he loves it yeah like my my dad definitely does but he would never show it like I just I just know because I know him but he would never like be like oh yeah like when you do that shit no he didn't say that my dad would be like oh my god can you believe how much she's so into me oh god like please get off my dick yeah it's so annoying yeah she showed up in the night and she had the knife in her hands yeah or like or like um if a woman would threaten suicide over him

He's very secretly flattered by it. Can you believe in? She's going to kill herself for me. Guy is so sad. It's not sad. I hope she doesn't care. Doesn't care. I guess I had this effect on the women.

That's exactly the thinking. That's exactly the thinking. Because right, the broken bitches that this guy's going to attract are totally on that. Oh, they're definitely going to play the game. Yeah. The nice thing is this guy has an endless well of these. And we will be playing them every week. Now, I know you've been missing it.

Yeah. How about some TikToks? Oh, man. Finally, dude. Finally, dude. I love these fucking things. Here we go. The best drink would probably be a sprite with a snack.

And then all of a sudden you just let a big monster burrip rip. My name is Kimberly Winter. One is seven points. And I hold the world record. for the women's loudest burp. I've always been told that I was the loudest burper. Anyone's ever heard. One time I got kicked out of a bar.

Just for one burp, a lot of people are disgusted. At the dinner table, my mom hated when I burps. But I started recording my burps on TikTok, and it really took off. The music is unbelievable. This is my favorite thing.

This is like an Olympian. There is just like, I love. I got up at 4 in the morning and I trained. A lot of my fans like me to birth their name. It grew really fast, so just be yourself because you never know how many people out there are going to enjoy you for just being you. So triumphant. Annie, you didn't like that either. I could tell.

Like, who the fuck? Nobody does, man. I love this. Kimberly, we've been DMing. Listen, here's the deal, man. You know she reminds me a lot of. Who? My cousin Jeanette.

Oh, for sure. This is a type of girl. Jeanette burps like this, too. Of course. And so was Kiffney in my high school. There was a girl named Kiffney who could rip. Yeah, I know. It was weird.

Tiffany with the K. You give her a Dr. Pepper and she could burp the alphabet. There's just a special girl in one every thousand million that is this. And Kimberly would have been DMing. I love her so much. This is such a telling. She went on America's Got Talent. Yeah.

And was like, I'm going to sing a lady Gaga song. And then she starts singing. She's like, oh, my God, excuse me. And then she started ripping and ripping and ripping. It's really funny. She's very funny. I love you, Kimberly. I asked her to some videos, but then we lost touch because I went to England.

TikTok is getting banned in the U.S. So I made Christina P. That's right. One last final thank you TikTok video for all the curations you've done over the past few years. Thank you. We love you. I love you. Keep them high and tight.

enjoy Hey Heather needs to trim this up for my socials I got those Mother's Day stuff coming up I don't know if this is going to have the same effect She looks great In Atomic Red

She looks great I don't know if this is going to promote sales The way you think it will I love it I don't care She's so talented Oh she looks great Kimberly Kimberly

Kimberly hero Oh, you know. She's very pretty, too. She's stunning. She's talented. What can't she do? I mean, not. She's out there being herself.

I love it. Oh, Kimberly. Way to go, Kimberly. You know, all these women out there are like, I'm myself. I'm just a hair of slaying and being myself. But Kimberly's really doing it. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Manuel. Yeah. I'll bed by salt. Yeah. And they're not. They're just pretending to be like the hot girl. Kimberly 100% is herself. I love it.

It's my kind of gal. Remember. Oh, my God. We played that. The pelt that you can make your golden retriever into a pelt. This person stuffed their chihuahua. It's been on their fireplace mantel since 2010. Oh, Jesus.

It's all creepy. freaking me out. I don't like it. Why not? Because it's their dead dog. So what? You don't like your dog? I've collected my fingernails for six years, and here's why. Back in 2019, I decided to start fighting my fingernails and then keeping them in a Ziploc battery that I put inside my desk floor, just in case. And when I moved in 2020, I started keeping them in this little jar.

Now, there's a lot of misinformation about fingernails. It's actually better to keep them in a jar instead of a bag. Every couple weeks, I'd let my nails grow out, bite them off, with my teeth, and then put them in the jar. Ever since I started doing this, I've never once had a nail biting session where they didn't go into the jar. Every single nail is accounted for.

Even when I've had a travel, I'd pack a small size of a little bottle. I'm sweating. Oh. I'd return home. I'd add them to the jar. I'm gonna fucking puke. And the answer is simple.

As you can see, every single nail is very white and clean, like bones, like bones. Got it. Got it. There's absolutely never any dirt. My eyes are watering. Yeah, it's because he bites the, Oh, it was hard to live.

Here's an interesting thing, though. Isn't it interesting how the nail in and of itself on his finger as it's attached to him, you just go whatever, the idea of the removing it and collecting it started to make me feel nauseous. I don't like that clip, like that image of it dangling, that he's nibbled it and it's dangling, it's going to go in the jar. Yeah, but the jar makes me want to throw the fuck up. Of course. Your nails ever. I'm not like. He didn't say.

Why, though? What's the why? I don't. Farbage, tickler, or anything. I'm pretty hygienic. And as you can see, the jar is getting pretty full. Yeah, I got it. I might be needing size. So it's just a never-ending collection. Wait, is that a deal breaker if I start keeping my mail? Fuck, yes. That's disgusting. I don't want that. No. You know, in Indian culture, it's bad. I can't even look at this. You should not keep your nail clippings. My Indian stepdad used to burn his in the fireplace. It's just believed it's bad

luck to leave, like, parts of your body laying and go out. It's like bad spirits will take it or something. I'm really going to get sick. You don't want to do that. It's real bad. Yeah. It's so good. I'm not here to know.

That guy looks like Bert. Yeah. This is seriously Bert's next video, Lane. This is what he shares. He's always sharing everything. You know what he did at dinner? What? We're at a steakhouse.

And he's like, I'm keto. But, uh, I just got off keto. I'm like, you're keto. And they put a big thing of bread out of the oven, warm bread and butter. He's like, I guess I'm going to fuck off keto tonight. And I'm like, uh-huh.

And he cuts a big piece of butter, puts the butter in his mouth, and then takes the bread. I'm going to throw up. This the stupidest way anybody's ever eaten eating butter. I feel sick. And before you mock my breathing, I have an incurable lung disease. That's also a bird thing.

Holy shit. It's just you eating toast? That's the video? Well, I think there's marmite on there or budge mite. What? I love my toast. We really like the butter. Oh, no, it's just butter.

But who doesn't like bread with butter? No, it's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. I think you could just make a video saying, I love toast with bread and with butter. I don't think you need to do this.

And listen to your incurable fucking lung disease. God. Oh, shit. Yeah, this guy's fucking ripped. He's fucking badass. Yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. That's just a freaking taste.

You don't show everybody everything. This is something Ellis could do. For sure. Yeah. This guy is perfect. Hey, I need this video. Can you send me this video? Thank you.

For what, my kids? No, I'm just going to share it with some people. With people. Just people, man. Friends, you know. By the way, our sons found nunchucks at the toy store. And I was like, this is. That's the beginning of the end.

Listen, if this hits my head or one of your heads or the cat's head, anybody's fucking head, I'm taking them away. So far, so good. Yeah, because they're the, like, the styrofoam ones. Still, you can still fuck each other because they're swinging them over their heads. And it's going to go down. They're going to fuck up our house with this fucking. I love. the way that every day now, stupid nine-chones.

When I get home, our nine-year-old boy, he takes his shirt off, and he's like, he goes, look at me, dude. He goes, look at my traps. He goes, look at my biceps. So dragged. And I go, yeah, you look good. He goes, I'm going to be so fucking jacked in high school. I go, yeah, dude, for sure, man. Oh, yeah.

He got the crazies. I don't even know why I panicked so hard. It's okay. It's just hair. I mean, no. It's not. Are you ready? It's not.

It is just hair. Can I cry about it first? Totally. Okay. Yeah? Yeah. Are you feeling good about it? I'm trusting the process.

Okay. You ready? I know if I leave with the same haircut of a pad, I'm going to be disappointed in myself. It's like time to do something new? Yeah. Okay. Everything's fine and we're all fine. We're all doing great.

We're all doing great and everything's fine. You can cry the whole time. It's okay. I won't take offense. Oh, yeah. She should cry now. That's bad. She's definitely, shouldn't have touched the hair.

They shouldn't have touched the hair. That's a bad choice. Look how disappointed they are. She was deeply traumatized by a haircut appointment. What happened? What do you think is the story? I don't know. I don't know.

I mean, maybe there's like some social anxiety or something going on. I don't know, but definitely they made a bad choice with this haircut. Well, the haircut's terrible. Whoever did the haircut should get a bad review. But I was more interested in the fact that she was just traumatized by the haircut appointment. Touch my hair. But maybe she's just deeply. troubled mentally ill.

Maybe. I mean, maybe that's what we're dealing with. No, that's not it. Most people don't sit down in a chair, in a chair for a haircut and go, it's pulled on a fucking second. Like it's just, she's got some shit going on. No, she's fine. I almost think you should actually shame the person making the videos for like,

hey, man, maybe you don't put this one out. This lady's got some real fucking issues. Getting a haircut? Such a wild ride on your talks today. Newey. What is this? Eby. Autumn.

Just wait. That's Jasper. I got it. Jasper, the cat. That's Chloe, the dog. Okay. Ticani. Ticani.

Ed? Ed. That's failing. Oh, to the pygony meat. All they're a puck. Frankenbeats. Pity beer. What am I waiting for?

Murphy. You said just wait. Go. Okay. told me that they get gender affirming haircut so they get a little emotion sometimes. See, context is important. But here's the problem. I'm still not sure what gender they were at the end of that haircut. That's why I keep saying they. I don't know what we were affirming. I honestly, do you know what they were trying to go for? You're not going to trap me in this game.

What? They looked like masculine women. Okay. The women. I don't know. What the fuck is the video for? Just keep going with it. It's over. That video's over. That's just nice animals. Oh, get the fuck out of here. You don't like animals? No, I was waiting for something to happen. You're like, this fucking Ed and Freddie and Chiquita. Oh, this one. This guy is my new favorite. I know my friend. I knew you like this. Well, I showed this one to my mom. You did? How special synergy, Tom. She was like, why is he wearing a mask? And I was like, that's not a mask. She's like, what? But what is he saying most importantly?

He was whispering it. I don't know. He said something about the... Harris. He said to the underwear, but I didn't hear what he was saying. Ugh. You want to hear it again? He does all these.

He just whispers to the panties on his head. I don't want to see it again. I'm okay. Something with it, Amigos. I could call it friends. My woman left me? Oh, she left this. Sad.

I don't like his whispering. Now I'm smelling her underwear. Oh, so the other wife, the woman left him. And now all he has is the panties. But that's kind of cool. It's romantic, Tom. Do you do this when I leave? Um, bro, on God, on twin.

Yes. Would you do this? Yeah. Why don't you ever get into my dirty pants? How do you know I don't do that? I don't know. I wish you would. Right?

Strike. Hell yeah, dude. Oh, shit. Boom. I'm looking. That's. Boom. That's the tapy,

tapy, tapy. You didn't know the tapy, tapy, tapy? That looks like a high level martial arts guy. Of course it is. Yeah.

Of course it is. That's cool. Really, really interesting look. He's shaped like a pear. Oh, I know. Yeah. He looks like a bottle of

Tabasco. Yeah, yeah. That's cool. About 320 pounds. It's just kind of like, it's a tapy-tapy. Well, you can't do shit, sir.

Just, Just to be clear, you're incapable of defending anybody from anything. Do you want to see the animals again? Nope. I want to wrap this shit up. And thank you guys for watching. This is my birthday. I'm going to go celebrate now.

I'm going to go to a latex sex club and piss on people. Fuck off. You eat so much. Charlie Starons meet me there. I hate you, fist pig. I got to go. Don't forget, if your butthole doesn't work, you got to find something else to do in your life. Happy birthday.

Thank you, Tom. Thank you. Thank you. See you guys later. Bye-bye. Please tell the audience so I can have record that you're impressed

with my water consumption So you're the water champ You've been the water champ For as long as I've known you pound in the water You've been the water camp or as long as I've known you Let's go

Let's go let's go Water champ Pound in the water pound in the water Let's go let's go Let's go Water champ Pound in the water

That's what I'm talking That's current water champion Tom gets it Running away Let's go let's go Let's go water Pound the water, pound in the water. You are the water champ.

Pound the water, pound in the water. Water down, water channels. You're drinking that much water as it drinks water and pease. He's just sitting water and peace at the same time. Sometimes he's peeing while he's drinking. Oddly enough, my wife also competed. She came last late. You ever seen a Yorkie drink water?

Just my overwhelming urge to consume more water. You don't understand. All right, water. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water chat. Down in the water. Pound in the water. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. How in the water, water champ, pound the water, let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ,

pound in the water, how in the water, let's go water champ. It's just a madman.