Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Tortured By Your Kids w/ Tom Papa | Your Mom's House Ep.690

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

SPONSORS:- Go to https://Saatva.com/theshit to get $200 off ANY mattress of your choice.- Head to https://Policygenius.com to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save- Go to https://HelloFresh.com/mom21 and use code mom21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping! Pull those jeans up because Tim and Kristin are back in the Mommy Dome and they still refuse to use wash cloths. Christina can read Tom's body better than Tom as we get into brown talk, we open the show with a cool opening clip,  and the mommies share their contempt for people who drink as a hobby. Christina proposes some Would You Rathers and they discuss the stinkiest people in their lives.We then welcome standup comedian and podcaster Tom Papa! Check out his new special "What a Day" on Netflix! They talk about growing up, freak athletic strength, head shots and working as a comedian. The Mommies and Papa trade stories about their kids, quality gift giving, don't save things for special occasions, and we see Christina's latest curation of TikToks featuring snakes, piercings, and PCOS. https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

You don't even see the snake at first. You just see, oh, look at all these little chicks. That's so, oh my God. What's, oh, why is his mouth open? And then you go, I hope this doesn't happen on this video. There's no way that she's showing us this is, is there? I just hope people are flagging Christina's psychopathy as much as they are pointing at mine.

Guys, follow my curations at the Christina P on Instagram. I am put them in my stories. Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. And... It's fucking morning. Good morning. Welcome to your mom's house. It's fucking morning.

It's fucking morning. We're here, we're queer, we're not going anywhere. Get used to it. Please do not use gendered language. That might be my favorite drop in the recent years. Really? Yeah, that one, because I don't know if you guys know this, but to get warmed up for the show,

Tom will play drops from the board and we'll kind of go down memory lane. Oh, that's so gay. And nothing makes me laugh every time, like the point of personal privilege, people. Yeah. Please do not use gendered language. It's such a stupid thing.

It's so gay. It's gay, it's retarded. Retard. Fully retarded. And that always makes me laugh, too. But I've laughed at that word since I was a little kid. Like, remember when you learned that word on the schoolyard and you were like, oh, I'm going to use this word forever.

It's so funny. And then, you know... It's great, it's a great word. Kind of is. Yeah, yeah. I really like that. Garth. Don't be retarded.

Don't be retarded. Retarded. You are completely retarded. Now one's cool, because she's teaching people how to speak English. She is. Retarded. And that's the day we had the computer say it,

which is even better. There's all kinds of good stuff in here, man. Yeah, I'm retarded, dude. Can I tell you what I tried? Yeah. Apropos our last discussion about leg washes. Sure. This morning, I washed my legs and my feet in the shower.

Did you really? Yeah. God, so you sat down while you sat on the bench? No, I'm an idiot. I still forgot what that girl said, you know? So I lifted... You bent down? I lifted one leg up at a time and then I balanced.

So like, I would still have a bum ankle. You have a bench in the shower. I know, I'm an idiot, I forgot. But it's cold. I don't want to sit on the cold bench. And then I washed my feet, but then the problem is you put your foot down and then it's all slippery because there's soap on there and there's soap on the shower.

So I'm opposed to it still. OK. Ta-ta, they're returners. Well, did you try it even yet? No, I'm not going to do it. Well, you're just anti-washed. I'm not black. I'm not going to fucking wash my legs and feet.

You think that's just a black people thing? Clearly. The only one here who took the day off washes his legs and feet. No, I don't think it's a black thing. I think using washcloth is for poor people, but I don't think that washing your legs and feet is for black people. I agree. I think the washcloth is a poor person thing.

Because I have only met poor's who use them. I've never met. Wait, but is it also European? Because I have European friends that do it as well. Maybe, maybe they're poor. I don't know. I don't know. But we never did in my house.

I don't know. There was no time for that. I know. I've ended friendships when I saw washcloths. I'm serious. I don't want that stink on me, that poor stink. Yeah. But I don't understand.

I guess it is just so that you don't have to touch your hands to your genitals. We don't have that much soap to go around. Is that the utility? Or is the utility like, I don't have to touch my bare butt or my bare genitals, my bare. I think it's more of a puritanically rooted thing of like, I don't want to touch my bits.

Let's Google it. Why do people use washcloths? I'm not sure I understand the utility. It's like, why do people buy hot dogs from 7-Eleven? I know. It's like, I don't know. People are just retarded. They can help provide exfoliation that

ranges from gentle to intense. You can easily control the amount of pressure you use. If you're notably poor, you can sit around. Yeah. Now, aloofah is rich people stuff. Yeah. That makes it like, it like makes the suds come out more. It's like super soapy.

Yeah. And I feel like that's more your jam. Yeah. I mean, I do them one use only. I throw them away. But I think. Aloofah, you're supposed to use those more than once for sure. Don't care.

I just buy another one. Wow, you are rich. Geez. Let's see. Oh, they can see they can harbor mold and germs of bacteria. That's something that the pores don't even acknowledge. In addition to various strains of bacteria, shower poops.

What is it? Poops? Can also harbour yeast. Oh, yeah. This is why I don't against wash cloths or aloofahs really, because they do harbor back. They're moldy. Here we go.

This is about hand wash. OK. Pros, cleaning your body with your hands has advantages. You can obviously cleanse your skin with your hands any time, unless your hands are rough. You receive a gentle, mild cleanse. Great for those with sensitive skin. So whatever doctor recommends, clean your skin with your hands

over a shower aloofah or washcloth. That's a CEO board certified dermatologist. Just maybe consider that. The one thing that hands don't do particularly well, exfoliation. OK, what? I mean, the verdict, use your hands. That's the verdict. I think so.

It's perfectly fine. If you want to use a washcloth, just move out, live outside. That's what it's basically saying. Live outside, like an animal. Live under a bridge and get a washcloth. It's essentially what the article says. I mean, but who wants to launder those washcloths as well, Tom? Yeah.

One more thing to fucking put in the laundry. No, thanks. Let's open the show up for you right again. 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:26,800 Let's do it. 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,760 Here we go. Hey, guys, the guy I thought was my boyfriend

turned out to be a sexual predator. So I had to call the police on him. They wanted to arrest him. All right. Hey, guys. This is your big time. Who is Ryan? Don't be a woman to this.

Go burn in the fucking stand. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Shippura, Tom Shippura. And Christina Pergiats, and Christina Pergiats. That's a good one. Here, mom's house. Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha. I gotta tell you, I hate to admit it, but you were right.

It's time to shit. I fucking knew it. Can I tell you guys, before we were taping, the dog was standing here, and Tom squirted out some nasty, squirrely farts, and I go, you better go dump. And you're like, no, you better shut down, because then you're just going to have

to pause when we're recording. I could tell. You're like my infant, like my newborn. I can tell just by the farts what's going to happen any moment. That's the cries. I know you. I know you, man.

So, fuck it, I was so, go shit. You're never not shitting. This is what I was saying on the last time, when we had our contest. You're always ramping up to shit, discussing the shit, the shit you just had. You gotta get it going, buddy. All right, I will be back in just a moment.

Wow. Yeah? All done. All done. See? You were right. Now, Yana, had we had this moment on last episode, when we had our little contest, you would have lost.

Someone's a gambler and someone's not. Let me ask you a quick question. Whose idea was it to put wet wipes in the toilet? I don't know, I just came in one day and they were there all of a sudden. That's a nice addition, I think. It was Ryan. It was Ryan.

Smart Ryan. Smart Ryan? Really game-changed. Completely. I mean, we're not home, so I don't have the wonderful washlet that just cleans out my whole asshole. So to have flushable wipes at work.

It's a big diff. Amazing. I started purchasing them at airports now when I had my horrendous morning done. I told you to. Yeah, game-changed. The guy I thought was my boyfriend turned out to be a sexual predator.

I thought that TikTok was gonna go, cause she starts off with, hey guys, I thought it was gonna be like, I found a new recipe for blueberry muffins and then it was that instead. Took a real turn. Oh, so I just noticed that you have to read it the other way that she has a cool,

cool fun sign on her wall. Alcohol. Alcohol because, I can't read. I don't, it's not big enough. Something begins with, what's it say? No great story begins with someone. Eating a salad. Eating a salad.

Not true. She put that, by the way, that's like in her living room. There's frame photos of family and then she's like, alcohol. Yeah. That's pretty great. Clear message what her hobbies are.

Yeah. I love my kids and I love to drink. Yeah. You know, it's funny cause I was listening to Pajama Pants, Rob Eiler and Jamie Linn. Yeah. And he went through a podcast and they were going through people's profiles,

like singles profiles. Yeah. And it was alarming at how many people had drinks in their hands in their pictures or were like, I love drinking brunch, Sunday brunch. I get hammered and you're like, don't put that in your profile, it's a hobby. Drinking shouldn't be a hobby.

This is how much of a, remember how you said I was 40 when I was 22? Yeah. This is how much of an old man I was. When I was 21, I lived in DC. I was working in DC for a short while, you know? And my cousin set me up with a girl from Pura, which is a part of.

Puerto Rico. Peru. So I get on the phone with her and she's, you know, just we're just like, oh, how are you? You know, I've never met her, anything. And she goes, yeah, like you want to go out and like just get some drink. You want to go drinking?

You want to get some drink? And she kept saying it and I was like, nah. Too many. Yeah, I was like, I don't think so. I think we have different interests. I was 21 years old. Yeah. And you sense that, because it was like,

it was like go drinking versus getting a drink. What I sensed was like, you're just like, hey, let's get some more drinks. And I was just already repulsed. I was like, we're not going to have a good time. I'm not going to like you, just so you know. I basically told her, I know I won't like you, so let's just not meet, you know?

That's great. Yeah, and he told me she was very attractive and that wasn't even enough to be like, to get over what a fucking dipshit I thought she was. The booze. Yeah, we talked twice on the phone. And the second time I was like, you're fucking dumber than I thought you were.

Wow, I can't believe I made the cut. Yeah. She was like, let's go out and drink it. You want to get some drinks? Because I know a place we can get drinks. You know? Ha ha ha ha ha. Fucking loser.

That's what she sounds like now. That's probably what she sounds like. Well, yeah, that was 20 some years ago. If she's drinking, there's a distinction between. You know a place we get drinks? We go to the area, there's a drink, and they've got good bars, and we can get some drinks there. And it's like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Relax. It was like, remember when we lived by the beach in California? We lived in Redondo? Oh my god. Beach towns are boozebag central. They all they did. Hermosa. Yeah, Redondo and Manhattan, right?

That's the South Bay. And they're actually spread out, right? Like, I mean, meaning they're all next to each other. But you know, there's the beach part and then you go inland. But if you are near the beach, it's just drunks. Drunks like the water and the sand. I think they love beach. You just always see somebody in flip flops,

board shorts, and a hoodie who's like. All down. Hey. And you're like, how's it going? Love it. And we even had neighbors. I, do you know when you like you have a thought that you think about every once a week?

I think about this thought. We had a neighbor, two ladies who lived, our house was in between them, okay? Yeah. One lady would go over to the other lady's house around 10 a.m. and then start drinking and they would drink together all day. Now, one of those ladies was in really good shape.

And I asked her, I asked her, I was like, how are you this fit? Because I know you like to party with so-and-so. And she's like, well, that's why I run five miles a day. I mean, why do you think I run so I can drink an entire bottle of wine? So I can drink all the time. I was like, yeah.

And I always think about that cool logic. That's the funny thing, yeah. I think I'm in shape so that I can destroy my body. Dummy. Fucked up. I've had contempt for drunks my whole life, you know? And I don't know what the origin of it is, but even in college, I didn't like,

of course I've been drunk. I don't wanna make it sound like I'm drunk. You're a good drunk, by the way. You're the most fun. I'm a good drunk. You are a part. But I never liked people that like, I feel like drunks, they ruin, they just ruin.

And oddly enough, I got into a line of work where you just deal with drunks. So my contempt for them has grown. My disdain for drunks has grown over the last 20 years because I work in a field that just deals with drunks. Even like, I have not been an audience member in a long time, you know, for a comedy show. We went to see Chris Rock.

And we sat there and these fucking drunks, right? Root, I was like, oh yeah, this is like when I'm on stage and I'm like, what's going on over there? And then security came by, the police came by to escort them out, to throw them out. And of course it takes you out of the show. You're like, the fuck are you doing? And you see other people going like, can you shut up?

And what is the one common denominator? Just alcohol, just too much alcohol. Too much. And they're just a mess, right? And there's just, yeah, and I think if you work in a field like in ours, there's just a thing you're just gonna have towards those people, like towards drunks, you know? So like it's definitely just been a thing where.

And can you imagine too, like Chris Rock, you're gonna go see Chris Rock and you bought your tickets months ago and you and a lot of people came so dressed up. I'll never forget how good that audience was. Yeah, everybody was dressed up. Beautiful, women look great, everyone wore their outfits and then to have your entire night ruined.

You know that they were doing too? It was the worst. Not cool. It wasn't heckling. Drunks just end up having conversations. Oh yeah. So they're just. Chatting. Yeah, they're just sitting there going like, no, Jessica was, she, no, she's a yellow one.

She got a yellow one and you're just sitting there like, the fuck are you? And then the people would turn around. I remember it because the girl there was like, can you please stop talking? Yeah. Sorry, sorry. No, because no, she said she was gonna go with her lit

and they just go right back to it. Go right back to it. And then they get a rate when you try to shut up. Yeah, like, what are you, why are you fucking? God, I'm just trying to have a shot at you, shut up. And you're like, oh boy, here we go. Speaking of entertaining drugs, I'd like to plug my dates now.

This would be a great opportunity. Also, I've noticed that Instagram has, what is it, blacklisted me? What is that shadow, shadow band, shadow danced me? That people can't, I'm telling you, at the Christina P, you follow me. K, christenponline.com for my dates. Here, my dates.

Breastballs Beach, January 20th, 21st in your at Addison. Texas, February 2nd, 30th for it. Women are stupid. Portland, Oregon, March 31st. For me. April 1st, Skronert Park, California. Ah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. April 20th, Chicago, Gizenoit.

It's a wild, it's a wild, it's a kink. April 30th, milk cocky. It's just like the gays. Pisconson, I was a good one. May 13th in Cummins Charles, Charles Towns, West Virginia. Fuck me in my ass, man. At the Christina P on Instagram.

Don't let the man stop you from finding me. It's good, that was good. That was real good. Well. Check it, tell me 10, join or not 10. Speaking of drunks. I can not get over those drops from the last episode. I know.

It made me LOL so hard. We were talking about drunks and how much, it is fun to laugh at them and, and you know. Make fun of their brain damage. Yeah, laugh at the holes in their brain and the stupid shit they say and know that you're better than them. And then,

we were, so we applied, we found that dude, yes, last week, whatever it was, a couple of weeks ago, this fucking piece of shit. Really? And, and then, you know, we ended up, we ended up finding the other fucking Irish drug.

No, I'm not enjoying them there. They're good men. That guy. And then it reminded me, I was like, oh, what about the other fucking piece of shit? This fucking loser from also a few years ago. Diane, what is the real opinion you put me to? Joe Kelly.

Because I ended up drinking with the last two years. What? Joe with the hat in the middle here. Oh, this guy. What is the real thing of the pub? This guy. Cool, me too. Well, it means a lot because we keep up the tradition

of singing and we're listening and we're singing. And we have dancing and everything. That's the real thing, there's more dancing. You said some tango, some drum, bass, drum. What's that? It's fucking eight in the morning. It's right at the bar. Oh, he's right, don't give me a little back tea.

This is where I live. He's like a drunk. Well, Mike, the question too was like, what is this pub's culture? What does it mean to you? And he's like, we're keeping up the culture of what? Drunks? Of what?

It's right. Mr. Polbin, when it burnt down, you missed the baby. When we had the video on the bottom, we looked and spin the table. It doesn't make a sound, we can spin this. What the fuck is he saying? That nose is amazing. Oh, I mean, this is 60 years of drinking every day.

Yeah. Does it rot your teeth out too? I imagine the lack of nutrition. Maybe. Oh, fuck. He's wearing the Harry Potter sorting hat, though. It's pretty cool, yeah. Which house do you think it's going to be?

And what's it like to have the pub opened, such as a create? Oh, wow. Young drunks. Yeah, a guy who hasn't yet fucking turned over. Yeah. Go get your pints. You gotta drink your pints.

They love drinking their pints, guys. They do, man. That's all they wanna fucking do. Jesus Christ. Could you imagine? That's all you do. That's a big pub culture over there, right? Get off work, go to the pub.

You don't do anything. Meet at the pub, the pub, the pub. The pub is really a cultural, it is. It is. That's where they go. Yeah. Americans don't even have the excuse of like, well, it's the pub, we all go there.

We just drink in our houses like losers. At least these guys are friends. Yeah, they have a community. That's kind of nice. Yeah, a bunch of other alcoholics that they drink with. I drink with my friends. Yeah. Like other losers that I kick in with.

They lose their teeth. I found a cool guy. Where is this cool guy? Where's the rock cool guy? What's his called? Oh, rock cool guy, okay. This is a guy that's definitely a drunk, but he's not drunk in this.

You know what I mean? Like as soon as I saw him, I was like, this guy drinks all day and night and he recorded this in the moment that he wasn't. And you tell me if you can understand why he, like how I know that he's drunk. I have rocks, boys and girls. See the greatness.

I done stacked me up some rocks, man. Well, I got bored. Just slow down. It's hard as hell to do that, believe it or not. Fuckin' rocks don't bite me. I think I'll leave it here for you to enjoy. Thanks. Anyways, so stacked you some rocks.

Give it to him. Thanks. Got it. Okay. Peace. Now, I know that- Such a Florida guy. I was just gonna say, where is this piece of shit from?

Oh, he's from Florida. Yeah. Cause that now- I've met this guy about 210 times. Right, it is funny cause I always think about our discussion of like Florida garbage. And this guy is 100% Florida trash. Florida piece of shit.

Yes. And okay, let me see if I can guess why. Number one, the dolphin necklace. They always have stupid jewelry on, like a bad dumb necklace. Always a bad dumb fucking necklace for sure. And then it's the shades. Like those are such Florida garbage. Yeah.

Sunglasses. Oh, they are. Yeah, those are $3. Yeah. Yeah. Sun-kissed hair, cool rock collection for sure. He's very amused by his rocks. Look at the schnaz on this guy.

I mean- Oh, that's- Potato. That's a fucking- He got that straight up gin. He just poured gin into his nose for 30 years. And that nose grew. And then cause he's so hammered,

he doesn't put sunblock on. I'll say this though. His skin's all leathery. As a boyfriend, not demanding. He's actually a decent boyfriend. When he's not beating you and he's not drunk. I don't think he's violent. You think he gets angry?

I don't- He gets angry. I don't think he's violent. He's just- You know what he's gonna do? I know what he's gonna do. He's not gonna be where he said he was gonna be. Yeah.

Yeah. He's not gonna remember your birthday or anniversary. Right, where's Dirk? He's never gonna show up for- But you know what? Party. He's not gonna ask a lot of you either. No, that's true.

But he will mouth off. Yeah, he's mouthy. He'll be like, ah, you stupid bitch. You're not as thin as you used to be. He's a good guy for when you're like, you know what, I don't wanna get married. I just want a companion that knows how to fish. Dumb companion.

Yeah. God. And who every once in a while has a bag of Coke on him and just, yeah, he's a good time, man. You know what he hates? Work. Oh, this guy's never had a job day in my life. Yeah, you know, I was working over at Marina

and fucking assholes. What'd they do? And I was like, where were you? You know, I was like, yeah. It's always someone else's fault while he's getting fired. Oh, they're always like, how come you weren't there in the morning? Yeah, you know, I was fucking,

I got all these rocks now, you know. Right, cause he's spending all his time balancing those rocks on top of each other. He got good at that. Imagine if he applied that to scrubbing barnacles off the bottom of a boat. He'd still have a gig. And they're always Florida trash too, is really skinny.

They're not like these type of garbage, Floridians are just where they're always like rail thin. Is it like drugs, math and stuff? It's all that. He can't even get sunburned this guy. He's got so many layers of burn skin. That's another Florida crazy. Yeah, there's always the beach walker

who's razor thin like that and then leather to shit, right? Like super leathery. And they just walk the beach. I would love to ask this guy, what's the longest stretch of time you've been sober that you can recall and he'd be like, what year was I born? Yeah, this guy is such a piece of shit.

You think he's good in bed? No. He passes out. He's got a limp dick from the booze. That's true. Yeah, he's got. He's into drugs in a good time, more than he is into his dick at this point.

Like he doesn't even give a shit about his hair. Like he's like, he's like, he's bad. Yeah. The dolphin necklace is such a tell. That's when I was like, Yeah. I'm like, that guy's Florida. The dolphin necklace?

Yeah. That is strictly Florida. Yeah, it's pretty. You know what's so funny too is that I always picture your sisters. They make me laugh so hard because you guys are not Florida in my. Well, we moved there.

We're not, we're not Floridians really. We're not of that. Yeah. So you guys culturally or not that way at all. And I just, I love it when you guys like, Yeah. I just hear your sister's voices. Your sister's being like,

being like, yeah, it's fucking gross, fucking trash. Yeah. We moved there. Yeah. It's not your culture. We're never, we're never, we're still not. No. I think they've been there 25 years

and they're still not considered Floridians. Not at all. Same thing, by the way. A lot of places are like that though. You know, when you go to the, I feel like when you go to Maine, you realize that what a person from Maine is like, and I'm not bagging on them.

I'm just saying, it's so distinct. They're so clearly their own thing. Mayanians, Mayanians. That you're a visitor, you know. And I think like there's a real Florida type that is like native to Florida. You know who's the Floridian is? Big dumb Steve, my friend.

Totally. He's a Floridian. Big dumb Steve and he's like the best though. Yeah, he's sweet. But he's sweet. He's the sweet version. He's so Floridian. That's what Florida has to offer.

That's so true. Yeah. Just to make it sound, we can spin this. Like I really would like to know like why, it really makes me laugh to know that they've given themselves brain damage. Like that you did this to yourself is astounding. That's because it's self-imposed.

It's crazy that you would let yourself be like, oh, I'm fucking care. Some people have a real distinction for when it's funny and when it's not. And it's like, for instance, if you do something to yourself, they'll go, that's funny. But if you see somebody get tied up in some machinery

and twisted around the body thrown apart, then they get upset. Yeah. Because they didn't do it to themselves. Yeah, that guy's just trying to make a living. Geez. And that guy's just doing his job. Yeah.

We finally figured out the line on horrible or hilarious. And it was really, I don't know if we figured it out. Chad Daniels, who was like, if it's mountain versus man, Yeah. Mountain's gonna win. Yeah, he does.

He did get that down. That was a good distinction, yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Would you like to do some would you rather? Yes, I haven't done this in a long time. Now, this is because of my viewing of Wednesday, that TV show that I love. And there's a character on there. Yeah. Who's super tall. Super tall?

But she's super pretty. Super tall and super pretty. Is she legit tall or just like effect for the show? I think in real life sees, she's super tall. Cause I've seen her at press junkets and she looks super tall. What's her name? So it's a lady.

I don't know. Can you look it up on that? It's a Wednesday, super tall. It's the principal character. Mrs. Weems. That's her Gwendolyn Christie. Like she's super pretty. And I'm pretty sure she's six three.

She's six three. Fuck. Really? Yeah. But look how pretty she is. She's rad and she's all British and stuff. She's rad and British? Yeah.

She's like super cool. Like her outfit and like she's rad. She's got powers. She's very pretty. But she's six three. So it got me to thinking. Got me to thinking, would you rather be six foot three too tall or too short as a man?

Six three is great for a man. But let's say, hold on, let's take it up higher. Like what's freakishly tall for a man? For a man? Seven. Well, that's super freaky. But also life gets like really uncomfortable, I'd say for men over six six.

Six six is super tall. But like over that, you're already in a really small percentage. 95% of the population is six four or under. So. So let's say you're six nine. That's horrible. It's horrible.

And your life is like crouching down. Everything's custom made. You can't fit in. And you can't be good at basketball in this scenario. You're just freakishly large. So would you rather be freakishly large or a man but like five four? Freakishly large.

Wow. Yeah. Cause I'm gonna find some, there is some swag in being super tall. Like some people, some women are gonna absolutely dig it. Of course they'll dig you being super short. But as a man that's lived in this world, I'd rather be a little too tall than a little shorter.

Yeah. That's true. I guess I'd rather be too short as a woman. Yeah. Cause it's a plus for, cause I know a lot of dudes like, like a lot of dudes like short women. I know.

And they get like, they're bothered by, you know, they feel threatened by taller women. Yeah. A lot of guys are like that. I never had that. I dated a couple of super tall chicks. I've dated a short guy. Yeah.

Fine. That shit never bothered me at all. Yeah. I'm not too hung up on that. And I don't mind like even a tall woman who wears heels and Alice is just like, I'm like, it doesn't, I don't feel bothered by it or weird by it at all.

Yeah. I'm not really, I'm, I'll tell you what my thing is. Cause I'm not so much on like, I like a little chunky. I don't like too skinny. My judgment is more about teeth. Yeah. Like truly.

Like that's what I zone in on. It's not so much height or weight. It's teeth. I would date the six three actress. Oh, she's great. I mean like her, of course she's beautiful in towns. I'm just saying like her being six three would not put me off.

That wouldn't put you off. No. Oh, that's so nice. Yeah. I think tall is beautiful. I think it's a, I mean, I've dated two girls that were five feet tall and I just think that you just click

with what you click with. Yeah. So I don't, I'm not put off by super tall at all. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like that Tom. And this, is this her? You know what you should do?

You should put yourself on the back for being like that. You even talk to super tall people. Let's see. Can I, I can't really see her. Look her up in Wednesday. Google her in Wednesday. Cause I like her whole aesthetic

and you'll see why she and I share an aesthetic. That's her. Bleed, like white hair, red lip. Yeah. She's very, I like her whole steeze. I assume she's been in a bunch of other stuff too. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah.

She was in Game of Thrones. That's what she's most known for in Star Wars too. Oh, she does a lot of like special effects stuff. Character stuff. Yeah. Yeah. She's really cool. Very cool.

So there's that one. Yeah. She can get it. She can get it. Yeah. She's gorgeous. I like her. Okay.

And then I thought, what's worse her? Is that your, would you rather? Would you rather be tall or short? Mm-hmm. Okay. Too tall or too short? Okay. Took this one a little easy, I guess, okay?

Well, all right. They can't all be winter time. That's true. That's true. But what's worse, forgetting to put on deodorant when you leave the house? Uh-huh. Or not brushing your teeth enough.

You know when you... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are good. This is a good one. Well, thanks. Yeah, the first one was absolutely disastrous. Hey, you know what? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

You lost the shitting burping contest today. There wasn't a contest today. It should have been. Okay. That's a good one. Well, thank you. So, finally. Here's the thing about,

let's walk through the logic here. The deodorant is bothersome, but you'll forget. Like you can, I didn't put it on, and like you're just gonna surprise yourself. You know what I mean? It's kind of a surprise. You know what I mean? Like you'll be distracted, you'll be in conversations,

blah, blah, blah, and then all of a sudden you might just go like, oh my God, right? Like you get a whiff or something, you know? Like you're like, oh shit. Yeah. And so, but it feels like it's your secret. It's your secret. It really does.

I feel like the mouth doesn't leave you. If you don't brush, you know right away, and then your mouth has that taste, that feeling that it doesn't go away. The deodorant thing, you forget that you didn't have it on. So I'd rather deal with that because I'll just know like, well I'm not gonna walk around with my arms up, you know?

I have gone to the gym without deodorant, and then you're sweating more and you're like, oh I stink, like I stink. And I know that people around me are like, this guy fucking stinks, you know? Not this guy, Tom Seguro, the famous comedian, stinks. I don't know, I think. And you're like, that's the word on the street.

I'm just like, I can't help, I grind so hard, I can't. My stink goes through my deodorant. But yeah, I think I would definitely, what would you take? See, okay, if I don't put on deodorant, I'm thinking about it all day. Like remember when we recorded your mom's house, like I don't, I'm not super sweaty, but I do obsess over it

because then I'll be worried that I stink. Yeah. So I'm gonna choose the deodorant, I would rather not have brushed my teeth fully because then I can chew gum and like mask it because I brush my teeth a lot. So it's like, if I kind of, you know, skip on, not skip, but like a lazy brush, I'll be okay.

But I get more nervous about not wearing deodorant because I don't like how it feels to sweat. I don't like feeling the wetness there. And then getting paranoid about the smells. Like it's the worst when you, like I've been on the treadmill and you're like, oh my God, I forgot, I forgot. Deodorant.

Yeah, and I'm alone in the house and I'll go run and put it on. Seriously? Yeah, because I get really upset with myself. Don't you get a little excited if you build a smell to smell it? No. Not with the armpits, no.

Oh, that's one of my favorite ones. That's the one you like to build the most? Well, it's like, if I didn't wear deodorant and it's, I'm not sweaty, I gotta be dry. And later I'm like, oh, that smells. Then I wanna just kind of keep smelling it, you know? Mm-mm. You know what I hate the most?

No, I know what you're saying. Yeah, and you're like, oh, that smells. Let's see how far this can go. Yeah, and then I get kind of bummed out that it doesn't smell that much. You wanna go for it with the smell. Wish you smelled more. Yeah, yeah.

Because sometimes I'll wake up and I won't shower. Yeah. And I won't put on deodorant and it'll all work out. And I'm like, I'm too smelly. I don't like this. Sometimes I'll wake up, shower, workout, shower again. Because I hate that like funky sweat, sweat. Which race do you think smells the worst?

Oh. I mean, here's what I'll say. Say it. I think the white, like super healthy vegan, like those people probably smell the worst. They do smell like shit. Because you're not eating a balanced diet. You're talking about the city of Portland,

of course, right now. Yes. Like honestly, I think like, yeah. Crunchy. Crunchy, hippy dirt bags that are like, I don't use aluminum deodorant. Embrace, woke, ideated. Embrace, woke, ideology.

100%. And like, oh, you know how you can treat a yeast infection? You can treat it naturally by putting yogurt in your pussy. Like that's not how you treat that. Point of personal privilege. Yeah. Like those people that are like, oh, you know how to ward off a cold, eat garlic cloves whole.

And you're like, don't do that. It's gonna make you smell. Gargle urine and it'll cure all your problems. Those people smell the worst. I mean, because other stuff is cultural. Like my Indian stepdad ate a bunch of Indian food. So theoretically, he should have smelled like that, right? Yeah.

But he didn't. I mean, maybe my whole house smelled like him. So I don't know. Well, you know who else smells terrible. Yeah. We keep up the tradition of singing and then we would listen and we'd sing like that. And we have dance and everything.

That guy. It's neat that the kids get to play around that too. Like. Drunks smell. See that, yeah. Oh, drunks are the worst. You know why? What is it?

Older factory region isn't not as effective anymore. Their senses kind of fade. Yeah, you kill them. And also it's not a priority anymore because they're just like, I just want to be drunk. That's cool. I don't care. Which race do you think smells the worst?

Oh, let's move on. So. Wait, okay. I will say Europeans in the summertime don't often shave their pits or wear deodorant. I've been in Hungary and Budapest in summertime and some of those nasty bitches with their pits. I'll say this, I've never, I'll say this.

I've never, I'm not saying that, I mean, everybody can smell obviously. I've never like had an encounter with like a stinky Asian woman ever in my life. Let me think. You know what? The Asian guy that I dated never caught a whiff. He'd never stink either.

Like I don't think. Maybe cause they're less hair. Yeah, there's not a lot of hair. And hair traps sweat and smells. Definitely. But you know what you do smell in Korea? Garlic through everything. Like I'm saying like the hotel was like garlic,

the Pete like garlic. Gotcha. That's a cultural like garlic. I will say in public, do you know who always has, this is not a natural thing. This is like products and, but who always has like the nicest smells to them. Black women.

Yeah, they do smell nice. They always smell like they have like fresh something. Like products. Yeah. Lotions and always smell fresh. Now the French. Stinky. Do not.

They smell like shit. I've been in France in the summertime. You don't want to be there. I think Europeans fucking stink the worst. Cause I've been in the, I've been in the Middle East in like the middle of summer. You would think, but you would think cause they're wearing like the robe,

the white, the men are wearing and it's a hundred and fucking 30 and the women are covered. I didn't catch a whiff of anybody. Yeah. But if you go to like hang out with Greeks and the Italians and stinky. Do you think Italians are stinky? Really?

You smelled Italians. Sure. It's hairy and sweaty. Yeah. Hairy and gross. Hairy and gross. Sniff that one. Yeah.

I've smelled stinky Spaniards, Italians, Portuguese. I mean, they're hairy. They got hair. I think it's really, I think this is really about hair. Could be. That's really good.

That's a good theory. And who's the hairiest? Yeah. It's kind of, it kind of is. You open out a lot of them and we don't have to speak anymore. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of true.

Those are stinky people. Who's the stinkiest person you've been with? Stinkiest person. Like, stinkiest hookup. Try to think. I know. Really? You'd go first though.

It is hair, because this guy was really hairy and it trapped the smells. And it's in your memory still? Yep. I'm hairy. Is it me? No. Because we worked at a coffee place

and whenever you work in a food place, you always come home smelling like whatever food you're working with all day. So when I worked at the Indian restaurant, that was gnarly. I came home smelling like shit, coffee, like it's all in your hair, it's in your clothes. So then we make out after, you know,

working together at Starbucks and then like. Well, there's two that like rotten milk. I mean, there's, okay, there was one girl, the worst like smell I ever. Like pussy smells. Was a one night stand and she was hairy down there. Like a lot. And it wasn't very nice.

Was she old? No, but she was just, she also, you know, whatever. I don't remember much other than I didn't like her that much, you know? Yeah. And then there was a girl who, you know, her ass kind of always stunk. And it just didn't matter what was done to her.

It didn't matter. It didn't matter like if she had just taken a shower, you're like, going with your. Stop it. I swear. Like shit leaky butt or something. Something like that. I was like, what the fuck, man, you know?

But why don't let me wash it? And then of course I didn't tell her, but yeah, I was like, ugh. That's gross. Yeah. So she's stunk too, but it wasn't hair. It was just like her body just releasing the eel within her, you know?

You know what? I think I believe this that like you're attracted to somebody because of their smell. Yeah, that's true. Unconscious. And like your smell, I love your smell. When I'm pregnant with your children, I love your smell even more.

Yeah. Do you like my smell? Well, I mean, I must like. This is a Chad Daniels question. This would infuriate him. But you must enjoy my mask as well because we're bonded pair. Yeah.

We're fluid bonding. We've been fluid bonding. I mean, yeah, it's deep within our brains at this point too. Oh boy. It's not just like surface level. Oh, I like the way you smell. It's like, you know, it's way in there. It's way in there.

Way in there. And like, I've been with you for so long, I don't even smell your dumps anymore. Like you just took a shit yesterday and then I walked in after and didn't even smell it. I think you would have smelled that one. What happened? Actually, it was great.

It was great. I did something I don't normally do this morning. What? I woke up and I made a steak. What? Yeah. For breakfast? For breakfast, yeah.

Jesus Christ. And an egg too? No. Well, I had a yogurt with blueberries first. And then I had steak. Yeah. You pregnant? You okay?

I don't know. You needed that protein, I guess. I did, yeah. Good for you. Wow, you're a savage. Yeah. And that's it? Just the steak?

Yep. No rice or anything? Nope. See, I have a theory that it upset your stomach because then you came in here. I didn't upset my stomach. Yeah, okay. That was fine.

You just had to take a dump. Because I have this thing my dad always told me like if you're eating heavy, you should put carbohydrate with it. Like if you're eating sausage, you should have like toast. Yeah, that sounds like some real gypsy fucking logic. Is that not true?

I feel like everybody stop it, really? God, this is one of those things my parents told me that's wrong. There's a lot of things they told you that's wrong. Everything is wrong. Yeah. God damn it. There's a lot of things that I love about Hitler.

That was your dad right there. I know. I know. That was your dad. I know. Oh, I know. Oh, I know. Oh, I know.

All right. Why don't we take a quick break? Will you shit again? No, I don't have to shit. But we'll take a little break and we'll be back with our guests. Okay. Why don't they do that?

I do want to do that, mama. Oh, yeah, it will see you soon. Why? And we're back and our guest has a new stand-up comedy special on Netflix called What A Day, Give It Up For Tom Papa. Yeah. It's so nice to be here.

It's nice to see your faces. No, we missed you. Good to see you, man. I'm glad to be here. I know, it was nice. You came, helped me with some press on my book. That was so great. That was a lot of fun.

That was really fun. Thank you for doing it. I think about that a lot. That was a good time. That was a weird thing for us to do in the middle of the day. It was so strange. And it was great.

Yeah. And it was, it says nice departure from the stuff we're used to. I mean, you know, I don't, you've done a bunch of books, but like for me, it was brand new and. Yeah. I don't know.

And killed it. Well, you kind of go like, well, this is fun. And it's not like, you know, it's not the same type of. There's a certain stress to stand-up press, I think. Yeah. And like, you know, like we're doing it.

Yeah. You have a special out here. Tell me about my special. My special. Like, I don't know. Read it. Yeah. And also the, all the places you go to promote the book,

like the book people, the book shops, the, they're all like kind of cool with whatever happens. Yeah. You go to do like a signing. There's 20 people. They're like, yeah, that was fun. Yeah. You're like, 20 people.

Yeah. You're like, that was. And they're like, this was great. This was one of the most popular book signings we've ever done. Yeah. But that was really fun. And I broke your toilet on the way out.

You did? Oh yeah. No, you didn't. I didn't? My son had turned off the, it was electronic, you know, it was a rental house and he had turned off the, you know, the button. Yeah.

That was you? No, no, that was our son. I know. Yeah. You couldn't have let me off the hook. Well, I just, I want to think, I've been thinking about it ever since. I kind of wanted to.

I kind of wanted to. Because then I went to Burt's. I went to Burt's a couple of weeks ago. Yeah. He's the same toilet. Yeah. And I broke it too. You broke it too?

I broke it too. Yeah. Yeah. Tom Papa will shoot at your house. No, that's not true. No. I really don't poop, I really don't poop anywhere. No?

Except my house. Okay, good. I've been on the road now for like a week. Just waiting. Just waiting. Wow. Not intentionally. I think my body just freaks out.

You already have your new hour too? Yeah. No. Okay, good. I've got like 20. All right, that makes me breathe. And then you put in, and then you put in 40 minutes of crowd work

and that's an hour. And you're saying, yeah. Yeah. I could do crowd work all night. There you go. Yeah. Easy. No, don't worry.

It comes, right? You just have to relax. And do you wash your legs in the shower? I do, but quickly. You wash your legs? How far, do you go all the way? Very quickly. Do you wash your calves and stuff?

No, I mean, sounds like you're, like when you just say it that way, I picture like a car wash. Yeah. Like really getting on it. No, it's like a, I touch everything, but pretty quickly. The blacks, they always do their full legs.

With a cloth. Yeah. Oh, yes, they do. They do. I had this discussion with Patrice O'Neill once. Yeah. And he was like, let me tell you what's wrong with you people.

Yeah. Yeah. Washcloth. I was like, ew, washcloth. Lower income people use them. I do feel recently that, and I also, it's an agility thing, test. The bottom, your feet,

you should spend more time on your feet in between the toes, bottom of the foot, especially in LA I'm walking around without shoes a lot. So when I'm in there, and then lifting the leg up to like your waist. Yeah. To scrub them.

Well, we just learned that. It's good agility. It's like, oh, I can still do this. I'm pretty sure my dad at 50 couldn't do this. Right. Oh, that's like, it's kind of a nice win. Like dad couldn't do this. I think it's going to be a marker for me going forward.

Like when I'm like holding onto a bar and not being able to touch my foot. Yeah. Oh no, it's over. Yeah. Was your dad super fat at 50? He wasn't super fat, but he had a little belly. He had like the dad belly.

But also he can't, I mean, your dad at 50 was in a different world where like, now it's like everybody is, hey, keep lifting weights and exercising till you're 80. Like that wasn't a thing. No, my father, no. He's like, he's built like a truck. Oh, he is?

Yeah, he's impressive, like solid dude. Oh, wow. Yeah. Was he exercising? No, he just played football his whole life. And just naturally. Just kind of naturally to stay like that. Yeah.

He's still, to this day, like my friends, like when they would come over, they would ring the bell and then run out on the lawn because they didn't want my father to come and shake their hand because he would always mess with them, you know? Yeah, like. He would like shake their hand and bring them

to their knees and like, and everyone's waiting. I just saw my cousin on Sunday, he's like, still waiting for the time when he's able to take my dad. Wow. He's like 77 and he's like still, he's like, I'm coming to your nursing home because that's the only time I'm gonna be able to do it because I still can't, he's still hurting.

Still has those monster hands? Still has monster hands and monster forearms. Really? Four arms. And is that from labor, like hard work? His whole life was, okay. Was labor and football and they had no money and they just worked all the time.

Do you have big hands? I like my size. Yeah, I mean, there's a direct correlation between hand size and strength, you know? Yeah. Really big hands. Yeah. Yeah.

And he did a lot of labor when he was younger, I guess. That sticks with you. Like, cause yeah, you ever meet somebody that grew up on a farm? Yeah. Right. You're like, I can't get this jar up when there's like, Oh, sorry.

Are just people that did sports and their youth, it sets up your musculature for like the rest of your life. I did nothing and it shows. You look great. No, but I mean, I like, no, like it's, yeah. If you, right, if you start growing muscle tone, like as a teenager or something. Physiology, I mean, my dad died, but his, you know,

he was in the Olympic lifting and he had, even until like, even like almost until he died, you could still, you know, and by then everything had withered away, but like, but right before he got sick, his traps were still like rocks. Yeah. And his quads were still, you know, and he hadn't done that stuff in years.

Yeah, you just have it. Yeah. Yeah. My daughter's, she wasn't, she was a dancer and now she just works out all the time. She's 17 and you hug her and it's like a rock. Yeah. It's like, just solid.

Dancers have the, dancers and gymnasts, people forget are like the freakiest athletes of all. Freaky. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. And that age, it comes so quick. Like, and it stays.

Her core is probably like just tight. And you know, like I could work out the same amount and like maybe get kind of more fit. She'll like go off the charts. And then she can stop for a month and still be the same. And I stopped for three days and I'm back to a matzah ball. Yeah. And I'm back to a matzah ball.

God. Yeah. What I would give to go back and become a dancer. Would you? What, why would you do? Ballet. Yes. Do you know how much post you would crush

as a male ballerino? Yeah. Yeah. Bro. I know. I know and they'd be like, you're gay, right? I'd be like, no. And they'd be like, oh, you can fuck all of us.

I mean, all right. Yeah. Cause it, I wonder how many male ballerinas are homosexual. Probably a lot. A lot. A lot. He was hot and really crushed.

Now, Mikhail Broshnikov was hot. Even as an oldie, he's good looking. Yeah. He's still good looking. The rock in his body of all time. Oh my goodness. Yeah. And he had the hair and the accent.

And yes, I can sleep with anyone I want to. Yeah. That was pimpin'. He's probably like the only cool male ballerino. And that's really who you want to watch. Gregory Hines is the only other dancer I could even name and he was tap. So that doesn't really do it.

Tap's not cool now. If he would have done a porn. You know how cool that would be to watch a guy like that in bed? Like, I'd really like to watch. Bring on Mikhail Broshnikov. Oh, let's see how he spells this one. I don't want to see him in bed.

He's got it. Oh, this is Volo. He knows Broshnikov. Look how handsome this man is. I saw him recently. He was at like a country club where my brother-in-law goes. And he still has it. Yeah, I bet.

You know? Europeans. 70 something probably. He still has the charm. Yeah. And you're like, you don't want to leave your wife around him. No way.

God. Yeah. But Google has physique when he was young. Yeah. Like prime dancing. Yeah. I mean. Yeah, but you know, how funny was he?

Come on. Nothing. No, he wasn't funny. No timing. Tom Popper told me this one time. I'm hanging out with him and I had just found, I'd found like old head shot of myself. And I was like, yeah.

I was like, but you know, look at me here. And he goes, yeah, but I don't want to hang out with that guy. No. That's so true. I was like, I don't want to hang out with you. I don't want to hang out with that guy. I hope this doesn't cause a problem,

but I just found a hair tie on this. Oh. I don't know. I hope this isn't a. Was that your pocket? Oh, that was. No, it was in the chair. Oh.

So I don't know what goes on here after hours. Scrolling through pictures of Baryshnikov. Getting your hair pulled off. I don't remember your early head shot. It was a good one. And I had just found it. So I think I had put it on Instagram and I was like. Oh yeah.

And you were like, that's you. That's what you said first. You go, that's you. And I was like, yeah. I was like, yeah, you know, that was years ago. And you're like, yeah, but I don't want to hang out with that guy. Babe, I have to say before I forget it. Do you remember that club that put your head shot up

when Eric Wendy had photoshopped a dildo into the head shot? And the comedy club put it up on their calendar. Yeah, they put it on their calendar. And they also, another club took a photoshopped one where they had removed my eyebrows and they were like coming this week. And I was like, you guys don't even look at, of course they don't.

Of course they don't. Whatever. They don't care who's it. We care about chicken wing sales. Yeah, I know. So you remember those moments when you were like, I'm headlining this club. It was so important to you.

Oh yeah. And you get there and you realize they don't care. They don't know. You're just this next guy this week. The best was when I first did a theater. My dad came and the promoter was there and I had sold out a small theater and my dad's talking to the promoter

and he goes talking about, oh, you know, how funny or whatever. And the promoter turns to my dad and he goes, I don't care if he's funny. I care if he sells tickets. Whoa. My dad loved that. He was like, oh, that's really like.

Yeah. And I go, yeah, that's how all this operates. Don't give a shit what we do up there. Not at all. We care that the seats are full. That's so disheartening. Because I know I still come off and I'll see the promoter and I'm like, who's it good?

Who's it? Yeah, of course. You like me? Yeah, it was it. Don't care. Yeah, whatever. Here's your check. Here's your check.

I gotta go pick up my wife. Or you know what's super disheartening is like you do sell out like a big venue. And you're like, you're pretty pleased with yourself. And then the promoter will come back and be like, but you know who sold two shows out last week. They always bring it up. And you're like, did you fucking really

just do that to me? Like, all right, there's always some guy that's going to sell out more than me. Shit, dick. Can I at least enjoy the one fucking thing? Why do they have to do it? Even like a, it won't even be the promoter. Like some employee, I was at one of these

big casino gigs and I had like a couple sold out shows. And one of them goes, oh, like two sold out shows, pretty good. And the other guy goes, Chappelle did five. And I go, oh, the most popular comedian in the world did more shows. Yeah. And he was like.

When I was working out this special, I went to Irvine Improv. Or what's the other one? There's Irvine. Braya. Braya, I went to Braya. I had never been to Braya before. And I sold well.

And I'm just working out. It's like one of my last stops before I record. And I'm like, same thing. Hey, this is a pretty good weekend, right? I always go, how'd we do? And like, yeah, we did well. And he just, yeah, you know, Joe Coy did 14 nights in a row.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 14 nights sold out in a row. I was like, all right, so I'm garbage. Yeah. I'll, what part of the menu am I allowed to get? This side. Yeah, you're not asking so they tell you who did better. Yeah, right, exactly.

But that's the other thing. When you go to places where they know that, they know these things and you, you know they're lying to you. They're like, it's gonna be a great week, great weekend, great night. This is gonna be great. You're great, great, great, great.

And you know they're stroking and they just know it makes you happy as a performer. And you accept it. It's like when your spouse is like, yeah, you look good. They don't even look up. You're like, all right, I'll just accept it. Take it. It makes me feel okay.

It doesn't take much. It doesn't take much, lie to me for a minute. That's fine. Yeah, let's get through this together. Yeah, and stop bringing up Joe Coy. Why Joe Coy with his street team? Yeah. Oh my God.

15 nights in a row. Get out of here. Yeah. Are you tired, man? Go take a nap. Yeah, right, what are you doing? That's fucking crazy. I know, I was talking with Gabriel.

Gabriel came on my radio show, Glacius. And you know, he just done, his special came out with him at Dodger Stadium. He did all of Dodger Stadium like two nights in a row. It's crazy. And we were going, just in the conversation, I realized he works every Christmas. Right, that's what was my thing.

I was like, oh, why, why? And you know, it was this thing and he'd bring some of his family and they'd go to Brea or Irvine and they would always do a show on Christmas. And I was like, that's not, no Gabriel, I want you to be home by the fire with your thing. Maybe he hates Christmas.

Yeah. He's a real down to earth dude. He really is. I remember he told me one time we were hanging out and he had bought a house up in LA in like a nice, I forget what neighborhood, you know, like Beverly Hills or something like that. And right away he was like,

I don't fit in, I don't like it. So he moved back down to Long Beach and he's like, I like, I feel more comfortable here. I was like, oh, it's very down to earth of you. I don't know if you saw his special, but it was very cool at the end of it. He brought up like a couple of people that work with him who've been with him the whole ride,

like since they were kids starting out. And it was like, it was like, one was East LA, he was Long Beach, someone else was from LA and they're standing at Dodger Stadium having pulled this off as these kids that grew up there. It was really pretty heartwarming. And then you hear he's working on Christmas and you're like, you're doing it all wrong.

Yeah, take Christmas off. Take Christmas off. God. Yeah. Yeah, I always felt bad for the guys who had no choice with the pro athletes who have Christmas day games, Thanksgiving day games. I always felt that way about Letterman doing

on Thanksgiving night, you know, see Thanksgiving. I was like, oh, what's wrong, Dave? Yeah. Take it off. You can't negotiate this. Right, exactly. But some people are built that way where they're actually happier doing that.

Yeah. You know, I'm not. No, I'm like, let's take the whole month of December off. Yeah. When am I, why? Someone just offered me a thing in New York to do press for this special on the 28th. And I have in my head the 20th and I've been running

all year and then, you know, the shows are stopped and now I'm promoting and I'm just like skidding to the finish line and it's like, do I have to go back on the 28th? No. No, but that knee jerk reaction in you is like, yeah, I can make it. I think there's probably a flight

and I can go and like come back and then, no. I just want to sit with some scotch in a smoking jacket by the fire and just not move. Well, because why are you working so hard if not to enjoy? Yeah. Well, December also, December becomes more sacred to me. I like December off.

Yeah. The whole thing. I mean, as much as I can, you know, like as soon as you're in a position where you can, I'm like, oh, that's a good one to take off. A big thing is that you have a family, you have kids. Like if you don't and you're, you know, or you're split and your kids are with the mom or, you know,

it's like, I could see you wanting to work, but I just want to sit there and stare at my train village and it's so funny. My kids are now 17 and 20 and I'm still setting up the train village alone. And then like sending texts of me by the train to my daughter at college. Like, hey, it's still going.

She's like, cool down. She's supportive. She's like, I'm very proud of you that you kept this going, guys. Oh, that's so great. I can't wait to see it. I feel like little boys are slightly indifferent. Like the first day I set up our village,

it was full excitement. And now they're just like, meh, whatever, like the village. Yeah, they're also animals. Is there a train? Yes, there's moving components. There's like stuff that goes in circles and movement. I get those things from the Hobby Lobby. You know, there's like that brand of stuff

that you buy, the Santa's Village that moves and stuff. Right, right. Yeah. That's good. But they don't care. Even Alf on the shelf, they're over it already. You know, I didn't even look for him today. Ellis said again, he goes, Julian's like, let's hurt dad.

And I was like, hey, what? And then Ellis goes, want me to sit on his balls? And I go, sit on them. And he goes, I can sit on them twice. Like there's two of them. I can sit on them twice. I go, hey, hey, I start loud. I go, hey, we're not doing this.

What is he getting? I don't know what he's getting. I'll sit on his balls. Yeah, I like that little kids were like in his head. He's like, they're so big, he'll take them each separate. Yeah, he'll have one and then go back to the other one. Yeah, they fucking trash you, though. Like they'll run and just jump on his stomach,

jump on his back. Knees down, like, how old are they now? Seven and seven. Four and seven. Seven today. Yeah, that's exciting. Yeah. So great.

It does not go by fast, by the way. Like not for me. Everybody's like, it just goes back so fast. Not really, not if you're there every day. Not if you're doing stuff all the time. Like I am, every moment, every minute is mom. Oh my God, yeah. Mom, mom, mom, it's going by the right clip.

They say, yeah. What do you say? The thing is, nice and slow. Nice and slow. I say take a lot of pictures, because if it wasn't for pictures, I would have no memory of what happened in those early years when it's just like a fire hose just coming out of experiences. That's why these iPhones are remarkable,

because they go like, remember this and you're like, Jesus, actually, I don't know. I was there. Yeah, it's so intense. But it is kind of weird. Like your whole life is them. They're all over you nonstop. I'm at the point where they're not

going to be in the house in September. That just gave me the chills. I got scared. They're not going to. What are you going to do? Well, I was really pretty psyched to go back to New York and maybe rent an Airbnb for three months and just stand up and go back to the life we had when we were

dating or just newly married. But we have pets and they're not going to die at the same time that we're going to be free. They're going to be around like I totally messed it up. Like I should have gotten them way earlier. I hope you take this to the stage. About wanting your pets to die. So you have the freedom to do what you want.

I'm looking at this black lab and I'm like, she's not going any time soon. What is she, 14? Yeah. She'll die soon, no? Get a checkup. She's like five. Oh, fuck.

You've got another kid. You've got a first grader, dude. Can you take her to New York, though? Yeah. Maybe. I mean, well, then I thought about that. I'm like, maybe I bring him to New York and they'll be so depressed they'll probably die early.

I imagine going to like a one bedroom in the village. Big dog like that? What is that? Why? What did I do? Why are you doing this to me? It's funny you bring that up because when I was in Jude Dark Titties last time, I was marveling at how,

how do people have dogs in New York City? Because there's no grass for them to poop on. Actually, everything after you live somewhere else for a while and you grow up a little bit and you go to New York, everything seems inconvenient. Like as far as, you know, like it seems impossible. Yeah, you're like, how would you do it? Do you make 40 million a year?

How do you do this? I remember I was one time talking to Chris Rock and I was like, why do you live in New Jersey? And he's like, because I want to feel like I'm rich. You can't, you can't feel like you're rich in Manhattan. And I was like, all right, if Chris Rock's saying that, I have to get out of here immediately. Yeah, good point.

Someone told me just the other day that Central Park has a dog off leash policy every day up until, six or seven or maybe eight. So you can go like take your dog, probably eight, you can bring your dog up there and take him off leash and let them run in early morning, you mean? Early morning and let them think that they're a dog. Wow, that's neat.

But how shitty that is too, like getting up at six to bring your dog to go and run. Can you bring your dog on a subway? Good question. Like, is that allowed? I think you can. I've seen it, I've seen it on TikTok, like little dogs sitting on laps of people licking their mouth.

Remember the guy showed you the dog was licking his mouth? Yeah, there you go. That was in the subway. That's true. Yeah, that was on the subway. Of course it was on the subway. Yeah, but I don't know, so they're not going to, so I don't know what my wife is really like.

What does she want to do? So you're going to be on the road somewhere. They're going to be at school and I'm going to be what? Just hanging out in Studio City? You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't know. I'm expecting some wild card. She's going to snap and something's going to happen.

I might come back and there will be no dogs. I killed the dogs. Yeah, exactly. There's just two mounds in the backyard. Gosh. Yeah, I don't know. But it is very strange. How old are the kids?

They're 17 and 20. Okay, so yeah, that's done. That's done. It's crazy. I cried when my daughter went to school for the first time and I realized I was like, it just like rushed over me. And it's because you can't, like a lot of things happen and you can kind of rationalize it and get around it.

But that's like, no, like we're now those, that couple that where the kids are gone, like we are now a part of that life. Like you can't lie to yourself. You can lie about your age or like where you're at. But when that happens and they split and you're just like, oh, we're in that state. Like it's, there's no going back.

There's no going back. And yeah, that was pretty hard for me. And you'll start getting the calls of like, and you're like, hi. And they're like, yeah, so I need some money. And you're like, ah, good. I wish I wish it went that way. No.

Well now, and it's going to get worse when your boys are older. You just notice something came out of your Venmo. Or you just get an alert that someone used the Amex. Like they just have all of my shit. Oh, right. And use it. And you're like, $55 on Amex?

Dad, I needed a blah, blah, blah, oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, they just steal from you. They don't ask anymore. All right, that's cool. That's a new thing. I was thinking of my time. Yeah, you had to ask.

Can I get some money? No. All right. Okay. Yeah. I just dread the time when they don't want to take your phone call. Because with me, remember when college,

you're like, fuck, it's my mom. Yeah. God damn it, you don't answer. What? What? You're like, the worst is when you see them text or you see them post and you call them and they don't pick up.

Oh. They're looking at their phone. They're looking at you calling. And they're rolling their eyes. And going, nope. No, I don't want to do this right now. Fuck. Yeah.

Brutal. I know. I know. God damn it, because they want to be with us now. And I always think of that. They're not going to want to be with us for much longer, right? When does that end?

They kind of, well, the good thing is they're poor for a long time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. You know? I mean.

We have such power over pores. Yeah. We just be like, we're going to Hawaii. You guys, are you into that? Yeah. They're like, fuck it. Yeah, we'll go. You're the best.

Yeah. And then you get them in their own room. Yeah. You know, and you let them do their thing, but you get to see them. They become like cats. Oh. You know how a cat just kind of goes by your leg

and rubs against, and that's all you're going to get? Yeah. That's what your 20-year-old son will do. Yeah. Come by. Hey, Dad. Going to sit on your balls. Yeah.

Yeah. I found the little guy in the hall last night. Yeah? Yeah. I was about to go to bed, so the TV was still on, and I thought, I heard something. I looked in the hall, and he's sitting there holding his bear, and he goes, he goes,

why are you still watching movies? And I go, I'm about to go to bed. And he's like, you're still watching movies? And I was like, I'm about to go to bed. And then he stuck his hand up, and I walked him back to his room, and he got in bed, and then I covered him up, and then I went back to our room,

I turned everything off, and then, I don't know, 20 minutes later, he just climbed back in the, he came back to our room and got in bed. Oh, it's the best. Oh my God, it's so, the best. My daughter, when I would leave at like the 5 a.m. out the door, you know?

Yes. She would get up, and she would come, that same sleepy, they're so, and she would wake up, and I'd be like, quietly sneaking out, and she would just come, and give me like this huge hug, have a good trip, and then go back into bed. And it was like, I wish you hadn't done that.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, if I could've just gone to the airport, I would think I'm a pretty good guy, but now I feel like just a piece of garbage. Now I'm doing coke. I'm doing coke. I'm just a terrible person,

going to be abused by a club owner somewhere, instead of being with you. I know. Yeah, but it's great. At that age, you're in prime time. It's gonna get so much better too. I hope so, that's what people say. I mean, I like our seven-year-old a whole lot.

He's rad, like he's so chill to be with. Yeah. Like, come on, L.S., let's go. And he's like, okay, cool. Like, he just, he goes along and... A lot of independence that's like, but they're still kind of innocent, sweet. That perfect spot is so great.

The four-year-old's still so needy. Yeah. Yeah, he's really up my ass right now. Like, he's really into mommy. He's going through some serious stuff, which is fine, I'm there. You know? You're just like, all right, dude,

we'll get through this phase. Like, he's so up my asshole. It's not a phase. No, it's gonna stay that way. Some kids are just like that, they're just in your butt more times. Whatever they are. You know, like, they haven't changed that much, right?

No, you're right. Fuck, you're right. Yeah, no. And they're gonna... This is gonna be like that. Yeah, they're gonna be that. And they're gonna be that as 30-year-olds. Oh, okay.

Well, then I'll have one son, because I think one of them... Yeah, the older one's gonna be like, I'll talk to you next year. Yeah, he's so into it. Mountain climbing, like, okay. Yeah, but Julian's more sweet, momma's boy. Yeah.

Okay, that's cool. Yeah, that's good. Well, that's cool. Yeah, they don't, they do not change. Man. They threaten them so hard. I was thinking about that. When they...

I'm like, I will break you guys in half. Like, do you understand that? I'll bite your fucking fingers off. He does, he does, and they get scared. And they're like, and then they're like, and I was like, you're joking, right? And I'm like, yeah.

I'll take a beat before I tell them, right? Yeah. But Julian doesn't know you're joking. Yeah, he's like, mommy, daddy's gonna bite our fingers off. I'm like, he's not gonna bite your fingers off. They need it. They need someone to let them know.

They do. Yeah. And that's what dads do. I feel like mom is the love. And then dad is the regulator. Like, show them what the world is like, bro. And I provide love and cookies and stuff. That's good.

Snuggles, yeah. That's good. Our dynamic's so different because it was girls. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So they loved you. Yeah.

You're so important. You're the model for it. You're the mom. Like they're picking based on their experience with you. Yeah, yeah. It's a lot of pressure. Yeah. But it's amazing because like I couldn't yell.

I couldn't, I just raised, just saying like, stop that is my daughter would translate that into, did you hear dad scream at us? So that's what our four-year-old does. Yeah. You're literally like, stop that. Did you hear what he said? He was screaming at us.

One of them's more sensitive. Yeah. He's four years old and if I'm like, no, he's like, you're being so mean to us. Yeah. I'm like, I'm not being mean. But L is, you can be like, I'm gonna throw you in the river and put you in a bag

and he'll laugh and he'll be like, shut up, mom. He's gonna phase in. Yeah. It's crazy when you have two, right? Because like you, you, I remember when you have one, you're like, this is what a baby's, this is what a kid's like. Yeah.

And then you have the second one, you're like, you're not like the other one though. This is so crazy. Right, exactly. I can't just repeat what we did with the other one. You're a different person? Yeah, I've got to try a whole different strategy. Whole different thing.

That I don't understand. Yeah. No, it's totally weird. But that's why I like them. I like, I can't, couldn't work at Christmas time. Like I, that's because of, because they're so like in and out emotionally, everything. It's just like, we could all just kind of

have that tradition. It's like, we're all just gonna do this. But whatever phase we're in, you're into us, you're not into us, whatever. It's like, we're all gonna sit here for a week. Yeah. And we'll be home for Christmas? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's cool. How did you deal with boys and dating? That seems impossible. Especially because you're not just a man, but you're a comedian. Yeah, very sexy. You're a sexy man. But you know all the awful thoughts

and you've said them and you've joked about them. And then you're like, oh, my daughter is becoming a human grownup now. Yeah, it didn't, it didn't really bother me that much. Like I wasn't going to get a gun. I was gonna interfere and like, it's just like, I just would keep talking about it. What's with that guy?

Do we like that guy? Is he all right? Is he, you know? And you just kind of monitor like, are they kind of cool that they weren't that dating all that much? My older one had a serious one for a bit. And you're definitely, you're definitely on high alert.

Yeah. My, like I have no problem with whatever they're gonna do together. You know what I mean? All that stuff, like everything that we did. Fine, I'm not, it doesn't really bother me. It's like they're women, you know, they're doing stuff. I can't think about it, but I also,

I'm not gonna like, I don't want to know. Just fine. The hard part is kind of analyzing if they're a good guy, right? Because the only thing you want is that don't be with an asshole. That's how my boys, yeah. And, you know, the one guy was like,

he was a little like evasive. He wasn't really like coming, talking too much. And it kind of like had me on high alert for a minute. Like he wasn't like shaking my hand and like. Really? Hey, yeah. That's strange, right? It was a little strange, but he was a good kid.

Like he was okay. And, but it took me a beat to kind of learn it. And I also thought about myself. I was like, when I was, you know, I would tell my wife, like, you know, when I was in high school and I had my girlfriend, I would go in and I would shake a hand. And I would be like, hey, why were you?

But I was also sneaking in her window at night. When everyone was asleep. And like, so I was like a con man. Kind of a shithead. I was kind of a shithead. I was like, hey, how are you, Mr. Smith? And then like going crazy with his daughter. So it was like, so, I don't need that guy

like coming to shake my hand. Hey, Mr. Papa. Yeah, at least he's being honest. Like, hey, I'm not really into you. I'm into your daughter. Okay, that's cool. I get it. Yeah.

So it's hard to analyze. And all guys are assholes. So what kind of an asshole, right? So now like, is he going to be, so I don't know. That's a really good point. That's the most complex part of it. And when you have boys, you're like, please don't ruin someone.

That's all you're saying. Um, no. That's your only, I mean, that's, I like how when you ask it, you have to say please. Yeah. I've been telling them every night before they go to bed, I'm like, you cannot force yourself on a woman.

And they're like, what? Every night. Every night. Why are you still watching movies? Why are you thinking about? Put your teddy bear down. I want to talk to you. I don't remember what I was going to say.

Oh, I always tell them like, my fear is because our boys are sweet. Yeah. It's like, they're going to be that girl. I can't believe she's trained. You've trained them. She goes, okay, boys, like we're in the car. And she's like,

driving and I hear her go, what kind of girl are we going to marry? And they're like, a nice girl. That's great. And they're like, who cooks? I'm like, what is happening here? And then I drill them. I go, okay.

How do you call the police? 911. What's your address? What's my phone number? Nice. Who's allowed to touch your privates? Daddy, mommy, the doctor. Yes.

Like I drove them on like, life stuff. Who crosses the street without looking? And then they go, a dumb, dumb. Who jogs in the street? Dummy. I also, yeah, use the sidewalk. Why do you see people walking in traffic? It's old ways all the time.

But just marry a girl at tree. I say, marry a girl that treats you the way mommy treats daddy. Like a nice girl. Don't just go for pretty. Cause that's the problem with boys is they think with their schlong. And then they just go for the mean bitch.

Like Megan and Harry. And then you wake up. When you fall into a pussy haze and then you wake up and you're like, oh my God, is the monarchy gone? Yeah. I have a joke about that in my act where I say, my friend is thinking about getting married. And he wants, and he's like, is she hot enough?

I'm like, hot, you're very hot. You marry strong. I say, you don't want a supermodel. You want someone who could pick up the other end of the couch without taking the cigarette out of her mouth. That's what you marry. That's what you marry.

Yeah. You don't want, you know, it's kind of like, it's kind of interesting watching old, like I always look at people that are ahead of me. And it turns into the opposite problem where they bring home a girl and then you fall in love with her and she's around the house for a year

and then he breaks up with her. And we're like, well, wait, I liked her. Yeah. Yeah. We had that for one of them and it was like, wait, she's just like, they're kind of stone cold killers. Like the girls? Yeah, they're just like, you think everything's cool

and they're just like, I just broke up with them. I'm like, what? They just texted in the morning. I just broke up with them. Wait, what? Is he okay? No, he's crying. What are you doing?

And my wife was like, oh, but I liked him. It went on for a while and my wife just kept going, but he was so nice. Like, mom, you weren't going out with him. I was going out with him. So you have, you know. Chicks are tough. That's true.

Girls are stone cold. Yeah. Way colder. Didn't even see it coming. No, I mean, yeah, when I was younger, you had to just, well, here's the thing. I believe it's more, what's the word I'm looking for? Kinder, sweeter, to just drop the X quickly.

Yeah. Sorry, bye, next. Versus like drawing it out. I still like you. I still like, let's give it a shot. And then you console them. That's, that's cruel. When you break up with a guy and then you,

you become his consoler, that is fucking evil. Like I once had a friend of mine, a guy friend, tell me, he's like, Christina, the kindest thing you can do when you dump a guy is just do it and then be done. You're not, you're not there to console him. Right. Yeah.

He's got to get that from someone else. Yeah. Yeah, I can't be you. That's so you're leading him on. And you're a nice person. So you feel like, I should be. All right. I should try to be his friends.

I should try to be his friends. You owe him one more time. Yeah. And that's what you do. And then you end up leading that guy on and on and on. Yeah, it's cruel. But girls too, we switch on you on a dime. When I was younger, when I was done, I was done.

Really? It would repulse me. It would go from like, yeah, great. And then just one day you're like, oh God, I saw the way he ate a chili dog or whatever. And you're just like repulsed. Or your girlfriend says something about him. Yeah.

That you also, like deep down felt and she verifies it for you. Like, God, isn't his breath kind of bad? And you're like, your breath, the breath, the hair. That's the thing is when the broads team up, when they're like, isn't he? That's when you're done. Yeah, then you're really toast.

It's the girlfriends that'll put the nail in your coffin. Yeah, the girlfriends. It's true. Not the mom. The mom hates him, you're gonna love him even more. But the girl you're dating always has one cunt girlfriend. Yep. You know?

It's truth. Who's got her ear and you're like, you listen to this stupid bitch? Like, that's what you wanna tell her. You gotta be so good to override her. And she's usually unattractive. She's uglier than the girl you live with. She's jealous of the girl.

Oh, she's definitely alone. Yeah. Right? She's on the shots behind the scenes. Yeah. Big time. But you're too young to know. You're in your 20s.

You don't know. You don't know shit. And then you think the guys that you're friends with are just your friends, but they're jackals just waiting to get in there. So they'll give you advice too. Like, yeah, he kind of sucks. And then that guy will swoop in on you.

You've got like friends, male friends in the wings. There's so much competition at that age. You know, there's that thing, everything you're describing is so complex and it's just like the beginnings of it. That's like, as a parent, you're like, better off, I don't know. You're like, right?

Like, I would say, I remember as a kid watching like, dads in cartoons, like with the newspaper and just ignoring the whole family and be like, what an asshole. Look at that guy. And now I get it. I'm like, no, you can involve yourself in all of this soap opera that's going on.

That's what my dad was the best at. Not being involved in anything. Yeah. Yeah. I'm doing it all out. He was so checked out. Yeah. And I remember I'd been like, what the fuck, man?

How about doesn't he be like, what's that? Like, you didn't hear this fucking World War III going on in here? The ability to like, you know, just not be involved. And he's like, you and your sister. I don't get you guys. Mike, I cultivate it. Now I like even exaggerating when I know I'll say I don't.

They'll have some drama and they'll be like, I can't believe what happened with Kelly. And my reaction is always, who's Kelly again? Dad, we took her on vacation. She was a part of our family. I forget, I forget. Anyone they bring up. Who's that?

Who's Kevin? Who's dad? Three years I've been dating him. But I don't want them to think I'm, I know. Yeah. Probably better that way. Girl drama is so high. I feel like it was so horrible.

Tied into it, having two sisters. That's like the moment you get home from school, it'd be like one of them would start with like all the girl drama from her end and then the other one would come home. By the end of the afternoon you were like, oh my God. Yeah. Cause that's what I live in.

I have two, right? And the chances of everyone being in a good mood on the same day is virtually, it's happened like twice. You're going to catch a stray every day. Yeah. Well also when I noticed hanging out with little girls, like my nieces and stuff is like, little boys will exhaust you physically.

And then just like, stop fucking hitting him. Don't put your finger in your ass and then in your eye. Stop doing that. That's the exhaustion with boys. With girls, it's like they want to be fucking inside of you. Like they want to be in your brain. Like what are you doing? What are we doing later?

I love you. Let's talk about this. And you're like, oh my God, dude. Like it's overwhelming in a different way. Yeah. And they know your emotions. They know how to get you. They know, like I watched my daughter with my wife

and it's like, boom, in a second in a flinch, they just read each other and they're like, it's deeper. Yeah. Much deeper. It's more of a mind fucker. Much deeper. You're like, oh my God. They're meaner.

My sisters are so much meaner. Yeah. Like people would be like, oh, Tom's the mean one. No. Like comedian, I'm like, not like they are. They're way meaner. Yeah. I'm surface.

Yeah. They're good at it too. Like your sisters can go right to the heart and I'll be like, damn. Like the last time we were hanging out, I was like, that was fucking brutal. Jane said something and I was like, fuck. And they do it to each other.

They almost leave you out of it usually. They just do it to each other. Jackals. Yeah. How are you going to handle Christmas presents for each other? For Tom and me? Yeah.

You don't do that shit. You don't? Well, I mean, I got you like some stuff. Here's the what I figured out over the years. It's like, hey, let's not do gifts on this and that. And then you're like, that means you probably won't get me something. I'm still obligated to get you something

so that you don't feel like, God, you didn't get me anything. I mean, I know we still, we weren't going to, but I didn't think you would. That's why I'm asking, because we're in that position. She clearly said that. But can I tell you why? Anything I buy my husband, he'll be like, oh, thanks.

It's gone. Yeah, but here's the other thing. Is that because you're a bad gift giver? Yes. Because he's, thank you. Yes. Thanks for saying it. I'm garbage.

Let's be clear. You have to get him a Rolex every time. I don't even know what do you want? You have everything. I'll say this. That's the problem. You don't really need anything. No, you don't need anything.

Also, some people are just more skilled in this. I am a really good gift giver. He really is. I really am. And I've always been a good gift giver. And I enjoy it. I enjoy the whole process. And I remember, it was a few years into dating her.

I was like, hey, do you think I finally was like, do you think on this upcoming Christmas you could not give me some bullshit? And she was like, what do you want? And I was like, I don't know. Like a fucking iPad or something cool. And then I think I went out and got it. I was like, give me this.

You into my hate yourself? Why do you have such a hard time with it? It's just not at your real house. It's not. Okay. I think it goes because my parents were like such communists, like they literally escaped communism. So my upbringing was stuff is not as important.

Stuff is like. She gave me ground beef when I was like, not gonna be ground beef. She's like, it's good meat. It's good. But like, I'm not. I just, I see stuff as great and fun, but stuff to me doesn't equate love

because I was always taught that growing up like, this is just stuff. You'll die, stuff goes. And to me, like, I will give you my fucking heart, my life, my love and my time. Like I gave you two sons, motherfucker. That's what I see is like, I bore you two kings. You know what I mean?

Like I give you my life, bro. I modeled the behavior after my dad, who was very much into like expressing love with gifts. Right. You know, he just, he would, it's your birthday's Christmas. So I think I saw that and it just was in me very young. You're just copying the behavior you saw.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, my parents are that way. And I have great taste and I do. Are you happy when you open this gift? Are you serious right now? I just had to give you a, no, you do have great taste. I am, I am. No, and here's the thing too.

Who has great taste? You have much better taste than me. There's no question. I'm fucking straight up, Euro trash, garbage. I know this about myself and it's totally fine. Really? I'm Euro trash, baby. I love it.

Really? You give me an Adidas track suit, I'm happy. You always look classy. Oh no, this is over the years. Yeah. Who addressed you for your special? I have a stylist now. Here's what I've learned because of Tom

because he's forced me to like nice things like over the years. He's been like, Hey, here's a nice handbag. Don't you enjoy that? And I'll be like, actually yes. So now I do enjoy nicely made stuff, nice things. But yeah, yeah, I enjoy it. But it's not an instinct.

It's not like I could go tomorrow and if all my shit burned down, I would be like, Oh, there goes my stuff. Like I wouldn't be like. Right. It's good. It's actually good. It is good.

Yeah, 100%. Well, what are you then? What's your jam? I like nice things, but it's, I kind of learned, you know, I grew up in New Jersey and I was kind of Jersey trash. But as an adult, I learned to like things and I learned to like, you know,

and my wife is like, we're, we have everything. Like what do we need? We don't really, like you buy stuff through the year that you really need. Yeah. Maybe we should just get a mattress this year. I'm like, yeah, okay, that makes sense. And as we're getting closer, I'm like, that's bullshit.

I'd like to open something. You have to open stuff. I also, but I also realized this over the years is that the thrill really is for me. In other words, I do really enjoy the moments of the person opening the gifts. Right. You actually are, the gift is for the giver.

It's like giving money to the homeless. It really is. You just go like, and then you see them be like, holy shit, like that feels good. Right, right. That feels good. Yeah, but you don't get that reaction because he never reacts of, oh my God, thank you.

Oh yeah, cool. A wooden puzzle. This is a, something I've dreamt of. Wait, what am I gonna, like, look what Burt buys you. Do I need to buy you a race car? You don't need to get me anything. Like a Jitski, what elicits, like, there's nothing I can get you.

How big are we supposed to? Hitler's teacup, there's nothing I can get you. That would be pretty good. That's what he got Burt. Yeah, but that took a lot of fucking work. I had to meet white supremacists. I had to like. But again, it was for you.

Yeah, it was for me to see, to know that my friend was holding Nazi memorabilia. I'm drinking his morning coffee. That's what I mean. I don't know what to, at this point. I'm being very honest, I'm being honest. At this point, honestly. Just a blow job.

That's very cool. Okay, what, just tell me. No, no, that's a very cool idea. When I, you really don't need to buy me anything. I'm serious, I'm very serious. I'm serious. But you need to open something. I think I already bought it.

When I, I would always get depressed when I hear married couples be like, they would say that he gets a blow job on his birthday. Yeah, I hate that. Once a year. It's just like, oh, that's so lame. But you know what's even more lame? When you don't get one.

When your birthday comes and goes and you're like, oh, yeah, that's even worse. Yeah. So sad. Not, yeah, that is sad. Planned intimacy is so. It really is. I don't like that at all.

It's so lame. It's so lame. Yeah. It's so gross. Well, it's his birthday. You know what that means. That's so gross. That's the worst.

The worst. It's that one time a year. I'll pretend to find you attractive. Oh God, it's so bad. Is that real? Do people really? Yeah. That's real.

It's very real. It's as real as a happy wife, happy life t-shirt. Yeah. Live, laugh, love. Live, laugh, love. What are you doing? I'm just squeezing you. I like you.

I'm warming my hands. My fingers are cold. Very handsome. Is this how you react when your wife gives you affection? What are you doing? I mean, I don't like what you're doing. No, I'm usually into after the initial flinch. Hahaha.

Can I tell you, can I tell you also my relation to stuff, which is, this is totally morbid and depressing, just preface. When I cleaned out my mom, when my mom died and I cleaned out all her stuff, my mother had a wonderful jewelry. Jewelry. Jewelry, is that right?

Collection. Uh-huh. And when I was going through her apartment and I was like, where is my mom's jewelry? I know this bitch had it, because she would never let me touch it as a teenager and I wanted it, you know? So my dad and I were like looking for days, dude.

Like days are going by, where is this bitch's jewelry at? And my dad was like, I know she has it. She's hiding it somewhere. There's no way this woman didn't have it. We finally find it. It's hidden in the back of her closet, inside of a suitcase, inside of a suit bag, an old suit bag.

My mother had just thrown in there, like diamond rings, pearl necklaces, all these beautiful things. And I remember going to myself like, what a waste, what a shame, like you have all these beautiful things and yet you have to conceal, you have to hide them to save them. If you're gonna have the nice thing,

then enjoy the nice thing. Take the risk of it being stolen. Or yeah, falling out of your ear. The guy that doesn't drive his cars, I hate that. I got this cool car and it just sits here. I'm like, you ever drive it? No, you don't want to drive this thing. Well, that was the cool thing about Leno,

that he would drive everything. Everything. It's a museum, but he's like, treats it like, it's just his cars to drive around. Yeah, which is cool. It's very cool. It's really that you shouldn't be so sacred with stuff. Yeah.

That's why they made it. And I've found like, I know that like the two companies where people always like, oh, I got Porsche and Ferrari, they're always like, we want our buyers to drive these. That's why we made them. Right. It's not for the Senate Museum piece. Right.

But would you be angry if you gave like a diamond necklace or something like very expensive and then it was lost? Yeah. I mean, I think I would be bummed out about that, that that's lost. Yeah. Sure. That would suck.

Yeah. Do you feel pressure when you have something like that? I used to. And then I cleaned out my dead mom's stuff. And then all the handbags that are like, where are they now? All the jewelry, it's like, you're gonna die. I know you're gonna die. I do think if something, it's a different price point

for everybody. But it's like, if you go, this is too, like I don't feel comfortable with this. Then that's not for you. Then don't do it. Right. You know what I mean? Like don't get the thing that makes you go like, oh my God,

I can't. My wife does have that reaction sometimes. Yeah. Oh, shit. You know? Yeah. But then also, I almost saved this sweater for another thing.

Where you're like, don't wear this today. You should save it for that special occasion. And you're like, wait, why would I save it? Like everything, that I do for years. It takes a while to get your brain to do it. I also thought like that for jokes. Sometimes you go, I'll save this joke for this script. And I'm like, you know, just use all the jokes you got.

Whatever's here, don't. Trust that something else is going to come. Exactly. You can't. And the clothes thing, I think, I mean, I've gone through closets and been like, oh yeah, that'll be for the day that requires that. Sure.

Yeah. What the fuck am I doing? I have this denim shirt that I keep in my closet. And in my head, every time I see it, I think in case I'm ever at a bonfire at the beach. Yeah. When am I going to a bonfire? I saw it in a commercial, I guess.

I'm never going to go to a bonfire. I don't have friends that go to bonfires. Especially at night, I'm going to be at, no, but I won't throw it away because it may happen. Yeah. I would love to throw all my clothes out. You can. Yeah, you can.

I just donated so much. You did? So much. That's great. Like almost 200 pieces of clothing. Wow. You lost a bunch of weight. Yeah.

Oh, because of the weight? Well, yeah, the two things. I mean, some of it, as soon as it's too big, I'm like, I don't want it in my closet. Right. If it's a size too big, I don't want it. What about size too small? I'll keep it.

Right. For motivation. Yeah. Because you wore it one time. Yeah. I'll keep that. And then the other thing is I'm like, so I did that, like I got rid of things that were too big.

And then on that kind of pass, you go through it again and you're like, I'm not wearing this thing at all. Like I see the thing that's been hanging. I'm like, I've never touched this. You're right. I should just get it out of here. Yeah. Try to make room.

And here's the thing, I did that, got rid of, I mean, literally hundreds of pieces of clothing. Yeah. And you walk in my closet, completely full. Like there's not a gap anywhere in your life. Yeah. What is that? Is the closet growing close?

Yeah. And then when I go on the road, like I'd never want to like. You pack the same shit, right? I pack the same shit and I'll wear it. I think this is the third day I've worn this shirt. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't need that much stuff.

You don't. In fact, I have like a road traveling outfit, but it's just like the perfect outfit. It's these pants I wear, the Burberry trousers, because they've got pockets. I could put my phone in that pocket and then I'll wear a black top and then this certain jacket. Because it's just the right amount of pockets.

It's just the right amount of warmth or cool. No matter what. Perfect. Done. And then ugly hokas. And then I'm jamming. Yeah. Yeah.

You could wear anything more in your life. You kind of, you end up buying the same stuff over and over anyway. I know. Like once you define your style, then you're like, this is what I can wear. Yeah. I think I'm, I wish I were the girl

that can wear boho, whatever. I ain't, my body's not gonna look good in that. Yeah. Well, and you see some people that are like, that fashion is a thing. Like they really, like I think every time I see Allie, Allie Wong, she's wearing something different. She looks amazing in everything,

but it's like non, like she's, always got something creative and cool on. Yeah. And then you find out she's like, Oh yeah. Like Gucci sent me this. I'm like, wait, they do that? And they're like, yeah.

For me. For me. Like they sent that to you? She's like. Oh really? They do. They totally do. Like the designers are like, here you go.

Yeah. Just keep wearing this. Yeah. She's like, oh this, this is Kenzo. They send this to me. I'm like, she came over and like a romper once when we lived in the valley. And she's like, this one's like Kenzo.

Yeah. And she also eats like a horse. Yeah. She's like, I can't gain weight. I'm like, yeah, me too. Same. I know. And she's all muscular and shit.

I'm like, do you work out? She's like, not really. I mean, like I dance around the house. I'm like. And then she'll try to make you feel good. She's like, but I'm not that tall. And you're like. Okay.

Whatever. Yeah. I can't be, I can't be that stylish. I don't have that. I don't have that kind of sense. I like it. I like nice clothes. I do too.

But like, but you're not, you're a guy. Yeah. You can't go that crazy. Yeah. You know? No, there's not a lot of variety for guys. Unless you rap. If you rap, you can really.

If you rap, you can do it. That's true. Danny Brown's got good style. He wears wild shit. Right. He's like, this looks like a skirt, but it's really short. So cool.

This is like a brace, but it's a shoe. And you're like, it's very cool. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't have it. No, that's another level. Yeah. Can we give it to him?

I'm dying. Tell him what you did here. All right. Is it TikToks that I've curated? These are the outliers. The people that are not normally featured in traditional patriarchal post-colonial. Media.

Christina curates these on her own. I haven't seen them and they'll make you feel a bunch of different ways. Holy shit. This is a new one for me. We got carpeted motherfucking walls in the bathroom. Oh my God. He's so happy.

I mean, have you ever seen that before? Even in the 70s, kind of. That feels like the grossest place you can do that, though, right? Oh, yeah. In a splatter. I mean, you're seeing. He's gonna be on that forever.

I'm seeing different color. I don't know that that's. Yeah. I just love how impressed he is. Holy fucking shit. It's like the guy saw like a phone in the bathroom for the first time. Yeah.

You remember seeing that? Whoa. Or like, first time I got, I was in a limo when I was a kid. Oh my God. And they're like, there's a phone in this thing? Yeah. It's crazy.

Wow. I'm impressed. Yeah, everyone's like, I can do that. Yeah. Oh my God. Do you know how many times she's broken her nose getting good at this? Like, I feel like it should,

she should just have bandages all over here. That's the first thing I thought that's gonna break her fucking face open. That's what I was waiting for. They're also like whatever. Yeah. Chinese excellence. We get it.

There was, I just saw a clip of lead zeppelins, like when they were starting. Yeah. And they were playing in front of a crowd like that of like English middle-aged people just with their arms crossed, not moving. Just in their chairs. And they're like shredding lead zeppelin.

They're hungry and rah. And he's just going balls out and then they go to the audience and it's that. Just like, whatever. Been there, done that. Unreal. Bless you. Yeah.

Salud. Gracias. I've seen it. Can I just be going and punk your name? Oh. That's not how to fix that, by the way. Can I see that again? Yeah.

I guarantee a doctor would be like, don't do this. Can I just be going and punk your name? His whole brainstem shifted. God. He's never going to be the same again. He didn't grab his neck. He's like, oh, my fucking brain moved. Oh, that's true.

Yeah, he's holding his head. How to fix a neck hump. In Ohio? A neck hump. Was it? Was that? In Ohio, yeah, it says, but. Can I just be going and punk your name?

That's a joke. That's not Ohio. When you're a teenager trying to fix your cars, that's by just banging it out. That's like a Chechnyan guy. I don't think that's in Ohio. No. No, maybe there's an Ohio Chechnyan.

Oh, jeez. Oh, boy. Oh, no. Oh, no. I thought he was going to strangle it first. I mean, I just thought that was kind of cool. Wouldn't be ever seen a snake eat a baby chicken like that. I mean, that's a weird one to put in.

You're very, very disturbed. I can't believe you're not that sensitive about gift giving. I just thought nature, it's pretty savage, bro. It's so disturbing because you're the first thing you really, you don't even see the snake at first. You just see, oh, look at all these little chicks. That's so, oh my god. Why is his mouth open?

And then you go, I hope this doesn't happen on this video. There's no way that she's showing us this is there. I just hope people are flagging Christina's psychopathy as much as they're pointing at mine. Guys, follow my curations at the Christina P on Instagram. I put them in my stories. Do you have a lot of problems with it? The rejection rate is so high.

No, I do not have any problems with it. I've had it for eight years. And the thing about it is the only reason why you have rejections is they're so scared to go deep enough. A lot of my piercings I cannot put on here because they bleed and they call graphic, okay? But I have to, you have to go deep enough in me for them to not reject.

So if you're too scared to do, like my surface piercing, it rejected. It wasn't deep enough, so the skin wore thin. This one, hey, I don't have no problems at the chin. It went, it was thin and when it went up in there and it bled. My forehead didn't bleed, it wasn't nothing, because it was just like the surface

over underneath the skin. So, no, my mind didn't reject. I have no problems with it. I love it, that's the way. Ouchie. Mama, I'm bringing my girlfriend home for Thanksgiving. God. Oh my God.

I do find her sexy though, I gotta say. I bet. What? I do. For real? Why? Because she's not gonna say no. It's anything.

Anything. She's really gonna appreciate the gifts, you know? You could always give her something. Oh yeah. Anything, gosh. Put this in your cheek. Yeah. Dude, the fucking baby chicken,

you really wanted to fucking show that? Oh, that was very interesting. I've never seen a snake do that before. I wanna actually, after watching her, go back to the baby chicken. This is so much more disturbing to me. It's nature, I think nature's fascinating. Look at that.

Just enjoying my beginning of my life. Bye-bye. I mean, but also like, you could have this crazy snake as a pet or whatever. How do you feel it all the time, don't you feel bad? My friend gave me, at a college gave me a boa constrictor, a baby boa constrictor.

Gave it to you? Yeah, as a gift. Ew. It was only like a foot long in his little head. It was like pretty cool in the beginning. And then it just grew in this fish tank. And you had to feed it. You start out with like these little mice

and then rats, eventually you're dropping a rat in there. And when it's not feeding, it's just striking at the glass every time you walk by. I was like, this thing's gotta go. I can't, why am I living with this? What a nightmare. A nightmare.

It wants to kill you. I saw this account that this guy has like massives, like snakes, you know, it's like at a facility. It's not at his house. And he's like, oh boy. And then, you know, he brought in rabbits. Big ass, threw them in and he's like, oh, this one's not, she's not hungry.

And he's like poking it. And then it's like. And then they just kind of chill and look at the rabbit. And they're just like, wow. You hear the raps? Oh, yeah. Christina's getting off in the background.

I mean, weren't you ever afraid that the snake would get out of its cage and kill you in the night? Especially if it's striking. Yeah. How'd you get rid of it? I made him take it back. You did?

Yeah, because he loved snakes. He had snakes. Oh, okay, okay. And they would get loose in his place. And like, you wouldn't find it for a couple of days. Yeah. No. Yeah.

You're just sleeping in there. He did a one cool thing. Jesus. He built like a snake habit trail through his apartment. So it was like these tubes, like all throughout the apartment. So the thing could just like go.

I just got the chills. Yeah. That's terrifying. And you can just see them like slithering over you. And now like one of your activities every week is stopping at the pet store to buy live animals. Right. That you're gonna feed this monster you live with.

Right. It's psychotic. It is. It's a monster. It's a monster. Yeah. What do you have? I live with a monster.

You know, it kills other pets. You have a pet? It would kill your pet. Yeah. Yeah. What do you have? Cause my snake could eat it. Oh, my snake would eat your dog.

Yeah. That's so insane. It is. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, silly. Oh. Tattooed eyeballs, guys. It's a thing now.

What would have to happen for one of your boys to bring her home? Oh, neglect. I think I would have to write, like just not parent. I gotta say, the person in the car saying, what's your address? What do, who's allowed to touch your privates? Is never bringing that home.

Okay, thank God. Right? The kid that's listening to when mom say all that stuff. Oh, I hope so. Is you're doing such the right thing. Like there's no, like what would have to. You know what's crazy? Butterfly's upside down.

Like even that is psychotic as shit. Like tonight get the butterfly right side up. Upside down butterfly, bro. Well, it frames the face better this way. It's more in sync with her eyebrows. God damn. Man, she's wild. What do you think about her?

Do you think she does stuff? She'll let you do anything you want? Yes. Who are you dating? I don't think so. No. I don't think so. I think she'd be like, no, I don't do that.

I think she's got a lot of thoughts, a lot of things she wants to share with me. About butterflies. Satan, who do you date? Her or the girl with all the piercings though? You have to choose one. Who are you bringing home to mom and dad? It's definitely piercings.

Seriously, this girl's out of her shit. I mean. And the piercings wasn't? I think piercings you could at least. Piercings, she had one so heavy in her front lip. You could be like, will you take the chin now? And she'd be like, all right, just for when we meet my mom. Put the facial tats.

I mean, did you eat? You probably didn't even notice the facial tats. Yeah, she had a lot. She had like an unfinished thing on her neck. Yeah. I don't know. I think this one's way more bananas to me. This is, if you were dating her and she was in the apartment,

same feeling as the boa constrictor lost in the, right? Like I don't want to be asleep when this is in my head. Hell no. You can wake up with her just like straddling over you and she'd be like. Oh, dude. Blinking rapidly.

Oh my God. Yeah, they tattooed the whites of their eyes now, which I don't even know how that medically happens, but it's a thing on TikTok. It feels good. The process. That's got to feel good. You just want to keep doing it.

Oh, this is pretty cool. So this nurse is removing a ring from a woman's finger, but I actually did think this technique was pretty cool. She just keeps looping this piece of, I guess, fabric or plastic around and around. Watch this. Here it goes. The fat meat, the meat's going around.

That's very satisfying. Yeah, very satisfying. That was pretty cool. Yeah, it's really impressive. See, does that make up for the snake eating the chicken? Almost. The last time I shaved my face was Saturday. And the shaving days are my most favorite days

because it makes me feel so, so clean afterwards. So for those of you that don't know, this is what PCOS might look like for some people. Excessive body hair is a symptom of polycystic ovary syndrome, and this usually presents on the face. Butterfly lady. Right, you were going to ask who I'd rather be with. Butterfly lady.

Yeah. No, that seems pretty nice, though. Butterfly lady, Piercing's lady, or PCOS beard lady. She's too accepting of her problem. There should be something. There's no regret. There's no. Her favorite days.

Yeah, I love shaving. Yeah. No, I should be like, I'm sorry that you have to see this. I hate it, too. Yeah. What's your girlfriend? I know I'm not good enough, but just watch. Wait, who's your girlfriend?

I told you, I like Piercing lady. Piercing lady, still over the bearded lady. Yeah, it goes Piercing, Butterfly, and fucking Franco Harris over here. Not to mention, when you send them to work, they're more likely to cheat. You know that most affairs happen at the workplace. If they weren't in the workplace, they wouldn't have been hanging out with Bobby for six hours.

Bobby, you don't want to haircut, stay out the barber shop. Preach. Preach, brother. This guy's really filling the space that Cobra left. Just like that alpha male influencer. I mean, this is a pretty good argument as to why women shouldn't work. Married women, married women. Single whores can definitely do that.

We need them. We need those single hoes around. If you're new here. Yes, we are. I just run my face with too much cocaine, right? I did entirely too much cocaine, the inside of my nose, my septum deteriorated completely, and then over time, my nose fell flat.

I'm in the process of trying to fix it. What's going on right here on my face is called a forehead flap. These things in my nose are called nasal trumpets. They go all the way up here. I'm not going to pull them out again. That upsets some people in my last video. This right here is hair because it came from the scalp. So this is an entire flap of skin.

No, it's not flat on my face. Take a look. You can see my eye. It's a trick. It's a party trick. Anyway, this day's wrapped in medicated gauze. No, I'll probably never feel the inside of my nose again. What happened was they had to make a blood supply

into the tip of my nose from parts from my left arm. So they cut up in my left arm. They took out a vein, an artery, muscle, skin, fucking all of it, right? A nerve. Took it all out, fucking made a incision here, and then you could see it. You could see it when it was here.

What did you search? All the way from here to here, they made a blood supply so that the tip of my nose had life. Because when you do a lot of. All right, so I'll take the bearded lady third. This chick is not allowed anywhere near. Wait, but hold on. Give her a minute.

She did a lot of cocaine. She's having her nose rebuilt, and she's going to look better once it heals. I don't know if she is because as she was talking, I was thinking, all right, that's a problem. You obviously got something you've got to work on, but why the bad haircut? What's the nose of spec?

I thought it was a flaccid dick that they attached to her. Well, and she's going to have to shave the tip of her nose for the rest of her life because that's. How much fucking cocaine does she do? Head hair, that has to be, that's a lot of cocaine. That's a lot of cocaine. Poor girl, my God. Poor girl.

Well, she's obviously got problems, homie. That ain't normal. Ah. Yeah. OK. I would. She should just get those glasses with the nose on it. I think we should wrap on that one.

It's kind of hard to top it, you know? I want you to save the last those for the neck because those are really bangers, dude. Like, I've harvested some real goodies. Can I ask something, though? Yeah. Can I see the snake again just to cleanse me of this? Sorbet.

Sure. A TikTok sorbet. I can't walk out with that. It's all about perspective, right? That was horror at one point. Now it's a delight. It was nice to hear the bones crunch. I didn't really pick that up before.

You're welcome. Happy New Year. How did you search to find cocaine ladies? That just comes up on her algorithm. It just does. It just feeds you that stuff. Because she just pulls stuff like this, and they're like, this is the shit you like.

Oh, my God. I have to be very cautious to protect my feed so I can't like anything remotely normal. Or it'll ruin my feed. It's true. Nothing normal or good or pleasant. It's so funny. That's crazy.

Tom Papa, what a day is out now on Netflix. Congratulations. Thank you very much. Hug your families. Tell your boys not to rip anyone. And uh. Your boys not to rip. Yes, it's important.

It's a good message. Tom Papa, you're so funny. And you're the best. And I'm so happy that you have another special. How many specials is this now? Yeah. This is my fifth. Amazing.

The specials. Yeah. You're so funny. It's amazing. Yeah. Would you shoot it, by the way? Boston at the Wilbur. Oh, it's great.

Oh, I love that. You know who sold out five Wilbur's? Joe Coy. Joe Coy did 19 Wilbur's. 19 Wilbur's. He could have done the weighing 10 times. How do you feel about yours now? Do you feel good?

You know who also did their special. Thanks for coming, man. It's always good to see you. Thanks for having me. We'll see you guys next time. Come for me. Oh, my God. I'm going to puke.

Your subconscious mind obeys me. Except the programming that I put into it. It absorbs what I say. And you go into the deepest, most and most sexual place you know. Pleasure. You're in the edge of an orgasm feeling. Pleasure.

You can't resist it. Pleasure. It's very, very painful. Pleasure. Orgasm now. Yeah. I'm going to come now. I'm coming.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, baby. Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh. Oh, baby. Oh, oh. Oh, get all aboard. I'm for boo. Oh, oh, oh, oh, baby. Oh, I'm coming. I'm for boo.

Oh, oh, oh, baby. Oh, I'm coming. I'm for boo. Oh, oh, baby. Oh, I'm coming. Oh, oh, oh, baby. Oh, I'm coming. I'm for boo.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, baby. Oh, oh, baby. Oh, I want to come now. Come for me. It's so sexy. Come for me. Oh my god, I'm gonna obligation. Come for me.

I want to come now. Come for me. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Come for me. Come for me. Oh my god, I'm gonna obligation now. Come for me. Oh.

Come for me. Yeah, I want to come now. Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah, I want to. There's a coming up, man. What the fuck are you having, man? You're walking around there and you're homeless.

You've got no place to live, man. Or if you're just a crackhead or a drug addict, man, come on, man. Come on, man. Come on, man. Come on, man. Come on, man.