Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Trailer Trash Tammy w/ Chelcie Lynn | Your Mom's House Ep. 697

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

JEANS UP!! This week, Tom Segura and Christina P discuss why you can’t burp in space, Tom’s experience at the Daytona 500, Instagram models, and gives an update on his basketball game against Erie, PA weatherman David Wolter. They watch videos of a dude explaining how to clean up before a girl comes over, and some listener-submitted videos of saying “I love you” at drive thrus.Chelcie Lynn joins the Main Mommies to discuss creating her character Trailer Trash Tammy, her upbringing in Oklahoma, Hilaria Baldwin, farts, the music Tim and Christine play for their kids, sleeping masks, Pazsitzky Effects, and much more! They wrap up by watching a batch a CP’s TikTok curations. https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

This week I am in Latin America, March 2nd, in Argentina in Buenos Aires, March 3rd, Santiago, Chile, and March 10th, I am in Mexico City, Mexico. The shows are in English, but there'll be some Spanish stuff peppered in, of course. You can get tickets at TomSeguro.com slash tour. Gracias. So I'll just do comedy over there and, you know, show a tit every now and then, keep people happy. Sweet. I do that kind of like, what's up? I either go, are you gonna fuck me or block me? Do pick one. Black Twitter doesn't like it at all. I bet not.

And it makes you think about other things that would happen in space without gravity. Can you fart without shitting? Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. And we are excited to be back. Oh, late. Excite. Studio Jeans. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. I'm Tim, she's Christine. It's been a minute. So much has happened.

We've, a lot has gone down. I know. Then we have an action-packed episode. There's so many good things. You're in mom's Strelia. Strelia. So long is time. Zealand. I've got, I'm in Latino America right now, actually, as this episode airs.

And then from there, I go, I'm here and then I do my huge European tour. Europa. That's so exciting. Yeah. It's like 20 cities or something. I forget how many cities or shows. It's a lot. It's a lot, a lot of movement. I'm gonna start it off in your motherland. Again, in Budapest.

Budapest. Last time you got sick, I hope you don't get sick. I know. And because I got sick, here's the saddest thing that's ever happened getting sick. Because I got sick, I didn't check my message. You know, you just kind of, your brain shuts off. I was throwing up in a trash can on the side of the stage before I walked. Like that's how I didn't see that Rocco had DM'd me. No.

To come to the show. Yeah. It's only smells. It's only smells and I were gonna DP someone that night. I can't believe it. And it just all fell apart. Yeah. He's been living in Hungary for a minute, his wife. His whole family.

Yeah, they all live there. Yeah. He's so charming. Tell him I say hi. I mean. I am in love with Rocco. The man is as sweet as pie. I love that all his posts.

I've seen his posts. It's all like, here's my beautiful wife. I know. Here's my family I love. Yeah. It's an odd choice to show that side of you. It is interesting. When you're in pornography, I think you should keep that secret.

Yeah. The other one that's really funny that you see with like, like hoes is like they'll do like an ass gaping video on Twitter. Yeah. Like, don't forget to check out my new scene. You know, like I put three things in my ass. And then their next picture they'll post is like, I was with my nephew today. I know.

Look how adorable this kid is. And you're like, hey lady, your branding is way off. Well, I don't want to see you as a person. Yeah. Yeah. Like you're a gaper. Just keep it. Keep the lane. Real.

Straight and real. Yeah. That is so true. So I follow this like ho on TikTok. Mm-hmm. And she's so great. Like she, like if you negatively comment in her stuff, she'll come after you. She'll come after your husband and be like, I'm going to steal your man.

Like she is insane. Yeah. And I was down for it. And then she got personal and started sharing her children and her life. And I was like, dude, no. I like hoes that keep it 100, but their whole life. Yeah. And also, like the weird ho thing to do is there, the reason you know them,

the reason they have an account that people follow is because they're, like they do ho shit, right? 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:53,680 They're like, here's my titties. Here's my ass. I like to, like that's their, that's their whole. It's a bread and butter. And then they go, my social account is just going to be me.

I like baking. Oh my God. I like, I love music. And they'll, they'll put, and then when someone's like nice ass, they're like, you know, that's not what I like to hear. It's like, that's why any, that's anybody who knows you, they know you because of that. Like, I understand that you might not want to hear it all the time, but you can't get mad at people for pointing out how your ass looks great in the video.

It sounds like you've been down this whole a lot. Yeah. Well, I always burned a few times because that's, that's what I comment. If you, you can see all my comments. My comments are public and I'm always like, nice tits, baby. And then when a girl calls me out, I go, but all I follow this for is to see your fucking tits in your ass, bitch. Like, I'm like, you know, that's just who I am.

Put them in their place. Yeah. Yeah. No, but I do see those interactions and it makes me always roll my eyes. I know. You know what's so interesting is during the pandemic, everybody became a chef. Yeah. At home.

Yeah. And I was like, dude, I don't, I don't want to know how an actress makes her vegan, anorexic salads every day. I mean. Like, I don't, I'm not interested in your oatmeal cookies. I like when chefs do it. Yeah. Like people that are actual.

Food people. Yeah. Good at cooking. Yeah. I don't think we need to know every side of every public figure. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think we do either.

It's fine. It's fine. I just definitely, I just feel strongly that if you're a hoe. Yeah. You know. You really do feel strongly about that. You're circling back to it. Well, it's the topic we're talking about, Christine.

Don't get insecure. If you're going to, if you're going to be a hoe. Who you're commenting on. All my comments are public. You can see them all. If you go to any hoe's page, there's at least 50 comments from me. That's all I do is comment on hoe's pages. Until they respond to you.

Are you that kind of like, what's up? I either go, are you going to fuck me or block me? Do pick one. I just feel like keep your, please keep children off of your feed. Yeah. Like stop posting. Yeah. My niece and I are shopping today.

Like. Yeah, I want to come. Well, I can't come if you're, if you're new. The previous post has three dicks in your mouth. Could you not? Could you not? You know? I don't know.

Yeah. You're a purist. I understand. I just, I just, I don't know. You're a purist. Yeah. Peter Murphy's out of rehab, Tom. Sorry.

What's that? Peter Murphy's out of rehab. And my goth friends are, we're all just like this emotional whiplash, you know? Because he's like, I'm not touring with bell house, but I'm going to do this David Bowie tribute. Oh, on his own? Yeah. Where's he going to do it?

See, you're, yeah. The shock. Yeah, no, I'm, I'm fucking in the hall right now. This is like when one of those hoes replies to one of my comments. I get so excited. Yeah. Yeah. Move to the Philippines.

You know? Coming out hard. Ew, I hate it. That's what, that's my most popular comment. I usually, I usually write coming out hard. I hate that guy so much. Why? He thinks he's so cool.

He thinks he can like, like he's got this power and like it's not, it's not, it's not the way, you know what I mean? How do you, well, how do you know? He can't really make you come hard now. He's making videos very sure it looks like he is. I know. Yeah. All right.

Well, why don't we, Yeah, I want to start because I want to get into this whole lane of tech talks that I found. Oh, okay. I've got a bunch of stuff. Well, there's a bunch of stuff. All right. Here we go.

Here's your opening clip, everybody. Got to talk about cleanliness. Can't call yourself no man if your ass ain't clean. So if you're going to invite a girl over, two rooms you need to make sure you have clean before you even. Get to the motherfucking bedroom. That's the living room where y'all going to be spending most of y'all time at and the bathroom where she probably going to go when she got a piss and shit.

Whatever. So with that living room, make sure you vacuum that shit after you clean it up and light a candle. I know some of y'all might think candles are for, you know, that shit might be fruity. You're fruity. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Tom Segura.

And Christina Pajitz and Christina Pajitz. Welcome to your mom's house. You're fruity, bitch. My favorite part of that is that he stopped himself. He stopped. Yeah, he stopped. I know you think the candles are for, you think they're fruity. We know what you're going to say.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the hesitation is the best. Yeah, looks like Kevin Samuel's is back. I know. Thank God. I know. But I feel like this video does need to be made for dudes because.

And he's putting it in a way that dudes can respond to. He's right. Like I'm telling. Remember I've told the story. You know what's a lady being like, you know, it's important to have a clean apartment when women come over. No, he's talking to you like your friend. Yeah.

00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:38,720 And he's right because so many guys bathrooms are just so nasty. And I've said it before on another episode. I didn't hook up with a dude because there was a layer of hair. We know that you always hooked up with Potter. I think that what we're trying to get to. Oh my God, dude, I would die. Is yeah.

And I know. And I've lived. Obviously, I've had one guy roommate, two guy roommates. And like it's you can tell who's getting laid because the guy who's getting laid, his room, his shower and and bathroom are always clean, super clean. And the guys who are in a dry spell, that shit looks like a fucking shelter. Like it is so gross. I know.

Yeah. It's gross, dude. It's gross. These are gnarly. These are gnarly. You need you need to be reminded of this, you know. But also when you clean that bathroom, make sure you clean that toilet. Yeah.

Clean behind the toilet and clean the two little knobs that you be leaving the piss on. Clean that toothpaste off of that mirror in the bathroom. Yeah. Okay. And don't wait too late to clean. If you know that you might have a shit coming over the next day or two, go ahead and clean the day before. Because if you don't, the fruit flies going to tell on.

All right. So true. I'll let you. The fruit flies. I like this guy. God, why are men so disgusting? We, you know, it's true. If it wasn't for women and the prospect of getting laid or like continuing to get laid,

everything would be filthy. I don't know. Yeah. Would you not, you guys don't see it? Like you just don't. I think it's just there's an effort involved that we're like, you know, who cares? We're barbarians at our core.

Yeah. You know. And that usually I think a guy who's like really on top of his cleanliness, like without women being involved, you're kind of like, what the fuck is up with you? You know, like something's weird about you. If you are clean. If there's a guy who's really into being clean and he's, and it has nothing to do with women, something's weird about the guy.

He's gay. Maybe. But also, no, even if he's straight, you're like, there's something socially different about the guy. The guy is something, there's something awkward. It's the anomaly. He's, he's a little more put together. He's odd.

A little more pent up. Yeah. It's very true actually. Because the guys I've dated, yeah, they're more type A. Definitely more of a type A personality. It's, yeah. I actually, you know, in the past, I don't like dating guys that are neater than me. It doesn't work out.

Super neat. Yeah. Because I'm a slob. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not dirty, but I am a slob. Yeah. I think, I don't know why we don't care. But if you put a bunch of dudes together, you know, think about like soldiers or like, you know, a team of football, basketball players.

They're not like, make sure everything's clean. I wonder why it's just, Can I, can I posit a theory? This is kind of disgusting. Yeah. But I, but just hear me out. Okay. Okay.

I was burped and vomit at the same time. Is that maybe it has something to do with our genitals. Because like, if we don't maintain cleanliness, bad things happen. Sure. You know, like yeast infections. Yeah. Like you have a period, like that requires you to stay hygienic and clean. Like a woman just needs to be in a cleaner environment.

Yeah. Physiologically. But you guys, like stuff doesn't happen to your dick holes or your be-holes, right? Like. Well, stuff does happen and it feels good. But yeah. But your filthiness won't create issues. A real problem.

You have to be a real pig for it to get to that level. I mean, you have to be, you're, you're now another type of anomaly. You're really super gross. If you're like, I got a dick rash. Yeah. From because I don't bathe. It's like, how often do you, do you not, do you do it once every three weeks or something?

Yeah. Yeah. That's the other level. It's totally different. Yeah. But you're right. Because you guys are, you know, you're bleeding out of your holes. Yeah.

And you don't always have a nice guy there to lick it up. So it's like. 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:32,000 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:32,000 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:38,480 I remember the one time this lady was like, could you help me out? And she, yeah. She was like, can you, can you lick me up?

Because I don't have my pads or, and I was like, yeah. And it took so long just. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:47,120 Yeah.

Like all week. Yeah. I was like. You're like when a dog gets into a trance and you're like. Stop it. Stop it. Yeah. How many, how many dudes right now are like, that's my jam.

I love that. Yeah. They just love. Oh yeah. It's so hard for me to wrap my head around that. Why? What's wrong with it? What's wrong?

Every woman listening knows like the, the tragedy that is your monthly bill. It's just so fucking gnarly. Yeah. I don't even want to talk about it. Wait, but can I bring up one thing that Shawna texted me? Sure. She was watching Jeopardy. And did you know that if you burp in outer space, you vomit?

Wait, why? Because this was on Jeopardy? It was on, it was, it was a Jeopardy question. The, you also vomit and then someone was like, what is burping in space? Yeah. What is burp? It was a four letter word. What is burp?

And it's because there's no gravity. Can you look it up, please? That's the answer. There's nothing to stop you. The air, I guess, when it comes out, it just, everything in your stomach just comes away. Does that mean you have to suppress a burp? Like you have, like you feel. Oh, I would fail immediately.

What? We all know that. The air food and libs in your stomach are all floating together like chunky bubbles. If you burp, you throw up into your mouth. Wow. That is actually true. Well, yeah, it was on Jeopardy. That's.

Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And it makes you think about other things that would happen in space without gravity. Can you fart without shitting? Can you? Can you get a boner without coming all over the place? You know, well, here's the deal, man, is I'm watching this documentary on the International Space Station.

Yeah. And you can only stay up there for maybe two years max. But they don't address any of these things. Like, how am I in episode six? And they're not like, hey, guys, you can't burp in outer space. It's crazy. It's like that Matt Damon movie where he's like in space for years and they never talk about jerking off once.

The whole like, you never thought to do that in space. How is he masturbating? And are as everyone suppressing their masturbating in space for that long? I understand if it's a two week trip, it doesn't have to come up. You guys are up there for like a year and this is not going to be a topic we talk about. Dumping, coming and pissing. Are the women bringing vibrators? Are they like, do you hear them like in the background, you know?

This is the first thing they pack is a vibrator. Oh, Linda, like, you know, I can hear her. You should. I think these are all very reasonable questions. And then imagine, imagine you're in, you're doing work at the space station and a load floats by you that somebody forgot to dispose of. That's what I'm saying. Giz floating.

Because, you know, like, because you've seen them like drink coke in space and they're like, oh, like it bubbles. And like that's what happens to ejaculates. I'd like to like how to men masturbate in space. It is so crazy. It's crazy. They have to two years. You have to.

Like, do you think they build like ports? Like you can come ports. Yeah. And then and then you just and then it just goes and it shoots out into space. It's everywhere. Yeah, they just come everywhere. And NASA, NASA is like, we understand what a problem it is for people to come in outer space. There has to be a training part that NASA is like, all right,

this is the stuff we don't tell the public, but you're going to want to come at some point when you're in space. They have to. They have to. But what if NASA built comports and everybody's like sweet? They're little bunks. Yeah. And they're like, it's $10 million per.

It would be it would be it would be an extraordinary cost. Okay. But even if like I had a nocturnal emission in his sleep, like what happens to. These guys are like in their fifties. I don't think they're having wet dreams. Does that stop? Yeah. Oh, it does.

Well, sure. I mean, they're testosterone's down. They're not like those low T Kings. I do love them. Yeah. Sarah. Sarah Weinstein calls them low T Kings. She likes them.

Oh, I think a low T King is ideal. Like you got a sweet dude is like 55. He's like, I'm so my retired. I just want to travel with you, girl. I want to do yoga and talk about my feelings. And you're like. Good luck. Who's jealous now?

No, good luck with your new gay friend. That's what I'm saying. Babe, this is what I'm hoping you'll become in like a decade. Please. A low T King would be great. No. You're all into your feelings and you're doing yoga. Not happening.

We just talk about life. We go on long walks together. Love that. Gross. Let me know when you meet them. By the way. So lovely being married. It's God.

There's something that I wanted to say. We put a lot of promo into it. And I think people know that it happened. But I don't want to ruin anything by discussing it here on the show. But I had my basketball game with David Walter. The meteorologist from Erie, Pennsylvania. And what we're going to be doing instead of discussing it on the show is we're going to be releasing a standalone full recap of everything that happened.

And without giving anything away, I just want to be. I don't know. I just want to say this to David. You get the glove. Oh, you did it. Yeah. You gave him the glove. Dang.

Yeah. That's all I'll say. But you'll see everything. Everything. The lead up. Every point. It's been a saga. The whole thing.

It's all going down. Well, it's all it's gone down. And now you'll you'll see exactly how it went. Months of preparation. So much. So much. He's been training. He's been training, I'm sure.

Yeah. Guy, he really, I gotta say. Those videos he posted. High quality stuff, man. Yeah. He the the news team put it together. Yeah, you can tell he's got like a real production crew with him doing it. It was very impressive.

They were really good. Yeah. I like that he takes it seriously. He should. He did. The other thing I will say is it's been a lot of fun getting people to do the I love yous. Oh, it's my favorite drive-thrus. It's my favorite.

So good. If you don't know, we've been encouraging people to say I love you at the drive-thru. But years ago, we had a drive-thru fun game. It was like, thank you, mommy. Thank you, mommy. Thanks. Hi, mommy.

Thanks, jeans. And thanks, mommy. Thanks, jeans. And now we recently I started saying I love you to the Starbucks drive-thru people. And then we told you guys and then you started doing it. It's so fun. Hey, can I get a double cheeseburger with no onions, extra pickles, and a six-piece nugget meal?

What's your drink at the time? Sauce is hot mustard and drink is Sprite. Okay, is that it? Yes. Thanks, mommy. I love you. It's so fun. It's so much fun.

It's so fun. That's Kelly. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, picking up a local order for Taylor. For Taylor? For Taylor? For Taylor? For Taylor, all right.

We're looking for you. You're good. You're good. All right, I love you. It's so fun. Drew and Taylor did that one. It's so much fun. She's Joel from West Heights Film.

Can I get a grande white chocolate mocha, please? Yeah, you want that hot or hot? Hot. All right, are you hanging salt to the frame? Yep. Anything else? No, thank you. That should be it.

All right, it's gonna be $5.99 at the window. All right, thank you very much. Love you. 00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:18,720 I don't know why that's happening. Thank you, David Walter, for trying to get a smashing. I didn't know that was coming. Oh, shit.

All right, Minzy, this is coming up here. That was Joel. This is Andrew in Kentucky. For Andrew. Yep, hi, mommy. To her face, damn. Thanks, jeans. Thank you.

I love you. He got it in three. Yeah, Andrew, you just killed it. Dang, that was good. That's risky doing it face to face like that. Yeah, you never know. I can back. Like, didn't you?

Yeah, so here's the deal, man, is that I've been saying, hi, mommy, thanks, jeans. I would say for about a decade now, like Chase watches me do it every weekend. And we always giggle because I'm like, hey, mommy, thanks, jeans. I love you. I finally got caught in a hotel.

I was like, oh, can I have some water sent up? Thanks, mommy. And he goes, mommy. I go, and I panic because nobody's ever done anything like that. He pushed back. And I was like, yeah, yeah, you're my mommy. Thank you, mommy. And I hung up.

And you were like, I'm in trouble. I got caught. I was like, what if he's going to bring them up? I have to like explain myself. But somebody else brought them up. Jesus Christ. But I know who it was. I know the guy because I recognized his voice.

And I was like, oh, shit. How old was the older, younger? Like probably late 30s. Yeah. That's who's going to recognize, who's paying attention. Yeah. And if it's guy in his 60s, he's going to be like, no. Who cares?

Yeah. But yeah. Because I don't think people are listening most of the time. Most of the time they're not. That's why high mommy thanks jeans was like 99%. We're like, yep, they don't register what you're saying because they're on autopilot. Yeah.

That's what's fun is you can say things and pinch my nipples. And they'll be like, all right, here you go. Here's your order. Yeah. My favorite thing you ever, ever, ever did to a waiter. You know the story. Sushi, we were in, it was in Koreatown in LA. Uh-huh.

Remember? And we ordered so much. And she wrapped the bell. And you're like, she didn't speak very good English. And you were like, I just, my intestines burst. Thank you. So good. And I said, I tore my stomach lining.

Yeah. Yeah. I was in the South Bay actually. Yeah. Yeah. It tore my stomach. She was like, good. And she's just like nodded and she was like, that's nice.

Yeah, she's like, oh, good. Good, yeah. And you're like, it tore my stomach. Yeah. I got to go to the hospital now. And she was like, good. It's the best moment of my life. By the way, it's been a little over a week.

But I went to the Daytona 500. Oh my life. How was that? It was, first of all, I have to say, that is incredibly well put together. Like you don't, you know, you have a full appreciation for how organized something has to be. How many people are at that event? There was over 100,000 people.

Oh my God. And first, even like the, like Sean came and he's a, he's a photographer. So he had to go through, to take photographs. You had to go through like a series of like checks and a meeting to get his photography press pass, you know what I mean? Like, and, and then there's people that are trying to get that and they're not allowed in to even the online media thing. And then he's cleared for it.

And then, you know, we had, we were invited by NASCAR to do this. So we did a live two bears at their fan experience, you know, center where they have like music and all this stuff. And you, you, you realize the scale and scope of something like this. Like this is their Super Bowl, you know, this is like such a huge event for them. It's obviously, you know, been happening for years, but it just gets, like a lot of these things, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And just how, you know, just how many people are involved in making things run

well. There's people in the stands. There's people with their RVs and their cars and like these, like the grass slots. There's, you know, areas where a public can go, areas that are ticketed, people like we're considered VIPs. We go in here, there's a golf cart path that like they're not allowed to breach cars, can't go here. And you just see like how many people are involved in making this all work seamlessly.

And we do the thing, the show is a lot of fun. Burt, by the way, is a, like a one celebrity at the day two and a 500. I mean, he pulled up, they pull, they brought him on a golf cart from where his bus was parked. He's shirtless. So he's like most of the people at the, like his fan base. Oh yeah, yeah. And they're going, I mean, people are going crazy, like screaming for them. We, we do the podcast and they're, they're just going, you know, they're all just all screaming

when Burt's drinking. He's like in full Burt mode. Yeah, yeah. Then we go from there to do like the pre race stuff, like meet certain people, go into this, meet drivers. Absolutely everybody's like, Burt. And all of them have like, almost all of them have the same line because after we do the podcast and we're, we're walking around,

I would say eight out of 10 people go, I don't recognize you with your shirt on, man. Oh, Jesus Christ. What? No, I mean, that'll be so annoying to hear over and over and over again. No, but I mean, like that's the thing he's cultivated. So they're all, and they're all like overjoyed to, to say it and to meet him. And he is like somebody, like a senator. He's like, like just everybody is like posing, wanting pictures, like wanting to tell him,

how was that this thing? Like they all are going crazy. I mean, it was like being with, you know, Kevin Hart at NBA All-Star Weekend. Like, you know, it was, he was like, they went fucking nuts. I was invisible. I would stand next to him and they would be like, excuse me. Hey man. And then he would go, oh, this is Tom and they go, oh, hey man.

Uh, Burt, like they would go fucking nuts. And then I go, these are your fans, dude. This is your fan base. And he goes, your fan base too, dickhead. And I go, no, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. These are your fans, dude.

Yeah. Yeah, he went crazy for him. That's wild. And then we went in and we met, um, uh, Coach Norval, the, the head coach of FSU was there. What's your favorite? Yeah. That was fucking super fun. And he, it was just like, I'd never experienced anything like that.

Being, we got to go in pit row before the race. So first we got to meet, we met Jeff Gordon, you know, legendary, uh, Hall of Fame racer and all these great people. And then we got to be right there in the pit as they started their engines. That's cool. The flyovers, the F 18s, like flyover. They do all these aerial tricks, which was amazing. And, um,

It was a very like American. Is it like Talladega nights, the movie where everybody's like, fuck yeah, America. Oh yeah. I love that. No, no, that was exactly what it was like. That's rad. And people were, it feels like, you know, what it really makes you realize is just like,

how many different cultures exist in this country. And that is one of the, like the cultures of America that is actually significant. And you can go your whole life without stepping into it, but it is an experience. All of a sudden like this, they put together an incredible event. Like putting that on is such an impressive event. Seeing like seeing the people are just joyful at this thing. I mean, everyone's so excited to be here, like the noise, the atmosphere, you know, those cars start up and you're like, holy shit.

And then they start going, they're going 200 miles an hour, you know, around this thing. It was, it was an event. But, um, I mean, Bert definitely met his match. It is NASCAR. It is NASCAR. And like we, you know, obviously, like being there with him was incredible. It's like, it reminded me, my best friend, Jason Momoa, when we were in New Zealand. Your new best friend.

Yeah. We're super close. What about Brad? Is he jealous? No, Brad understands. Like we're always in different places. So he's just like, he's like, just have somebody kind of on my level if you're going to hang out. And so, uh, it was the same kind of experience, you know, being in New Zealand with him, everybody's

like Aquaman Aquaman. You know, it was, it was pretty wild. Yeah. That's interesting. I kind of feel that way when I go out in public with you. People are like, I stopped, I got. And they're like, oh yeah, it's Christina. Yeah.

Hi guys. But you gotta. How'd you feel? Well, second fiddle. Second fiddle? Second fiddle. You know what was the thing was? I was judging the people so hard that were excited to see them.

That I was like, I'm fine with this. Yeah. You know. I know what you mean. Yeah. If we had been at like, you know, different type of event, I probably would have been like, but I was like, this is perfect. This actually checks out.

Yeah. And it was, I have to say this. It was a lot of fun. The environment. I bet it is. I mean, I like that stuff too. I like tele-digging. All right.

Okay. We gotta do it. We gotta wrap. We gotta go. We'll be back in just a moment with our guest. We are so happy that this finally worked out. We've been trying to do this for a long time, but we're super happy to welcome Chelsea Lin, everybody.

Letter here. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Dude, I'm excited. Yeah, we're excited. I'm such a fan of you. I've been watching you on Instagram as Tammy for so long. I will say that I think, yeah, I'm actually certain that I was fooled the first time.

And that's the best compliment you can get. Got your ass. You got my ass where I was like, look at this fucking bitch. And like, and she's such a fucking trash. And then learned later that you were, you know, you were doing a bit, you're doing a character. That means you do it really, really well. Thank you, dude.

That makes me so happy. I love when I get people. That's the best. And we always like, you know, it's one of those things because we play so many clips on the show that sometimes you're playing, you're like, look at this motherfucker. And then later on someone was like, that was, that's, and you're like, they got me.

And it's the part of you goes, fuck. But then part of you goes, okay, kudos for doing it well. Hell yeah. Tammy is just a hero to the people. Could you, could you bring up so people can see what we're talking about? I mean, look at her. You've got the monster hair. I mean, even the expression on that in the photo in the middle there,

that doesn't look like, like someone who's, this is like a genuine expression, you know? So you're like, oh, this is a lady's reel. Like if I didn't see a promotional thing for the improv, I would just be like, all right. That's real. This is another crazy person on social media. Yeah.

Her face always looks like something stinks. They're always just the, you know, she thinks she's the hottest woman on earth. Every man wants her. I don't disagree with her there. I mean, she, that's what's funny to me is like, she thinks she's the greatest thing in the world. You pick specifics.

Like the more specific a character, the more details, the more well-rounded and the more you believe it. Yeah. You know, because people sometimes do like impressions or characters and there's, there's no detail to it. And you're like, well, that's why it doesn't really go anywhere. But you got to have like character traits that you built a well-rounded. It's like a, that's why like a television series where the,

they're doing, you know, they're doing eight, 10, 12 episodes can get you so much further into a character than a movie. Because a movie you have to summarize, the whole thing has to be done in like 90 minutes. Yeah. But you doing all these like little details is what makes the character so believable. Thank you.

Yeah, it took years. If I watch old videos, I'm like, oh, that wasn't even Tammy. Like I've, You're building it. I've perfected it over the years for sure. So what, what's the origin of it? Yeah. Who's she based on?

Well, have you ever seen the movie Monster with Charlie's thing? That's what I'm saying. That's what I said the monster hair do. I took the hair, the slick back hair, the greasy side hair, and the manuism, just how she's always like, you know, kind of like a little butch, you know, like little. Such a good. There you go.

Right there. That's the hair. Wow. And then the character is just every, I mean, I grew up in Oklahoma, so I mean, everybody knows Tammy. Yeah. Yeah. Couple Tammy's.

I like that she's like, oh, I could talk real good. You're a fucking, you fucking bitch. And just, yeah, everybody knows a Tammy, but I also feel like there's a little bit of her in me. Like I am, you know, half Tammy sometimes. Everybody's a little Tammy. Agreed. Especially when you get your blizzards.

I love watching you eat fast food. When Tammy goes through a drive through, there's nothing better for me. I started that as a joke. So I think, I think this is the first video that I remember seeing was you with eating fast food with someone in the car, right? And we spilt the syrup or something. We said, that'll make your pussy throw.

Yeah, yeah. And then like, he's, you were like, I knew you were gonna, or one of you guys like, I knew you were gonna say that. I said, I was about to say that. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, I was like, look at these fucking dirtbags. And I remember laughing being like, yeah, this is America.

This is like shit. And the funny thing is that was put on as a joke, but also that's me as well. Right. You know, like it is. I think that's why when there's a character that someone really nails, because a little bit of them has that character in them. For sure.

Yeah. Yeah. Can we play one just so people can get some flavor for this one? 00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:18,480 Which one do you love? Oh gosh. Yeah, you give us one of them. Go down, because those are a lot of promotion for the shows here lately.

I'm trying to think. That one's too long. I'm trying to look at her. Sure. Oh, play the one, see where the guy's shirtless? The one to the right. Right there. Did you drop my car and not put gas in it?

Did you make my brother smell your vibrator when they were over here for dinner the other night? Okay. I just did a compilation of those. Just ridiculous. That's a real person though. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Oh yeah. You met, I mean, in Oklahoma, you met some real Tammies. Oh yeah, I am a real Tammie. I grew up around Tammies. Like, oh yeah, I grew up in Thackerville, Oklahoma. Where's that? Thackerville, Oklahoma. Thackerville.

It's about an hour north of Dallas. Okay. I graduated with 12 people. Wow. No stop lights. Oh my God. My senior year at high school though, they built the world's largest casino.

So that's what we're known for. The world's largest? The world's. Really? World's largest casino. Is it in Thackerville? Thackerville, Oklahoma. Windstar Casino.

Yep. Like square footage wise, this is the biggest. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Like we didn't have like, you know, a restaurant, a, what, one little gas station and a gravel pile. That's gotta be enormous.

We had a gravel pile. We hung out at Windstar Casino. Wow. I think I've done it. Yeah. But you probably have. I think I have. Yeah.

They've got a crazy buffet. I mean, they all do. It's wild. Yep. That's where I grew up. Damn, dude. What were you like, like looking back in, were you party girl?

Were you like. Oh hell no. No. No, no, no. No, no, no. Cause I played sports and we weren't allowed to party. What'd you play? I played basketball and softball.

And I played softball in college. And we were not allowed to party. And it's such a small town if. If you partied, yeah. Oh, we'd be, you know. It doesn't matter how, how you were up on the team, how important you were, it doesn't matter. If you were, if even someone even said you were at a party

or I was drinking anything, it'd be. We don't even want to know. So no, but I didn't party in high school. No. Didn't party in high school? No. Went to college, played there. Where'd you play?

I played at Mid-America Christian University in Oklahoma City. Yeah, yeah. And I was just fucking, you know, like we weren't allowed. We weren't allowed to fuck. You would get kicked out of school if you were, if you were, even somebody said you were having sex, whatever. What?

You would get kicked out of school. So how'd you do it? I just, just did it. Just sneaked in. Sneaked in. Sneaked in. Sneaked in. What kind of guys.

Sneaky fucks. I imagine the guys got to be a sneaky fucker too though. Yeah. Well, he can't be out, you know, like, you know, blowing your cover. Oh no. And oh my gosh, there was a girl on a basketball team that got pregnant. She got kicked out of school.

Damn. And the guy that got her pregnant was on the basketball team. He got to stay. It was just wild. Just a wild thing. It was the way it should be. So, yeah, I played there for a year, and then I transferred.

I was like, I gotta get out of this. Wait, how did you sneaky fuck? What was your, how did you not get caught? Just sneak him in the dorms. Sneak him in the dorms. I started dating my husband. God, I'd be with him 16, 17. You started dating him at that school?

Yeah. No shit. Yeah. I spent a long time, too long. That's cute. But I was sneaking him in and fucking him. Yeah. Just risking my college career.

Did you have a roommate? I'm getting a nut. Yeah, I had like four roommates. So then how did you fuck with four roommates? One was okay with it. Two were like super, super Christian, so we had to like sneak them around them. Did you let them, did you tell them I'm doing this

to keep it down or no? No, oh hell no. You can't let them in on it. I can't let them in on it. They'll go, they'll go tattle. It was wild. I had to get out of there. So that's what I'm saying.

Like you had to lie to two of them. So did you guys have a setup where you didn't share one large room? I'm assuming you each had your own rooms? It was weird. It was one large living room and then four separate little tiny, tiny like twin bed and that's it.

And that's where you got your sneaky fucks in. That's where I got my sneaky fucks in. Slick stuff, neat stuff. Yeah. Ridiculous. So I've always just been, you know, I wasn't good at a Christian university top thing. Well, who would be?

Yeah. That's such a restrictive thing. It's too restrictive. So where'd you transfer to? Southeastern Oklahoma State University. Which is? It's in Durant, Oklahoma. And my husband actually played football there.

And yeah, graduated there. And that was a much more fun experience, I'm guessing. Yeah, it was. But I worked. My grandma lived down there. So I lived with my grandma and I just worked. I had like two full-time jobs going to school full-time. So I didn't party then either.

I feel like I'm about to be 35 and I feel like I'm just now getting into my party stage. Really? Yeah. You turning it on now? Yeah, but I don't drink. OK. I've never been drunk in my life.

Just drugs. Just a little bit of coke. No, I'm just kidding. No, I don't drink. I've never drank. Ever? I've never been drunk in my life. Wow, you're really missing out.

I always feel like this is, there's such a story. Like there's such a curiosity when you meet somebody, especially that's like in your age range where you're like, whoa, whoa, we grow up but basically around the same time. Yeah. And we all know what like high school and college and like doing the road and all that is like.

I mean, how did you, were you just never interested? Never. Never had an interest, never a curiosity. Ever. I think it's multiple things. Like my parents were like methods growing up. OK, that's a big contributor. That's a big thing.

That had a lot to do with it. I was like, this hell no, I'm going to be, you know, I'm not going to. But when I, you know, I was in my 20s and my sister was like, we got to get you drunk. Like what are you doing? Right. So I was like, OK, let's do it. Let's get me drunk.

And I just get sick. I can't do it. So you did try it once? I tried. Yeah, I've tried it. I've tried it. If I like order a margarita, if I have three sips, like my skin's burning, I'm getting sick.

I can't. I can't stop. I just find that like, I mean, I kind of get what you're saying. For instance, I just found that like any time I have a daytime drink, I just start to like, I just want to go. I want to go to sleep. I can drink in the evening. Like in the evening, I can have a drink.

I also like to have a couple max. So I'm not a big, I've never been like a big, big drinker. But I like having it on a certain time frame, a certain amount. And I don't like to get anything. I don't like to get wasted. Yeah. You know, I never like to get wasted. Just a little bit of two glasses.

Really? You know what's interesting, though, is that I can drink tequila like the wind. I can drink tequila, drink tequila, drink tequila, and I don't feel drunk. This is like a Burr-Crusher theory. Like, I don't. Bluck the wind.

But I don't. This is good for you. It's good for me. It's like drinking vegetable juice. The coffee is not. Just straight vodka. Just shots? No, not vodka.

Sorry, tequila. Oh, tequila. Just straight. I can drink it and drink it and drink it, and I don't ever feel ripped. Really? Mm-hmm. Look, how is this news to me?

I just started. I've just been drinking alone since you've been gone. Jesus Christ. You got immune to tequila. Damn, bitch. Damn. I've just started drinking tequila because I'm on the diet, right?

I can't have alcohol that much. So drink tequila, and I notice like, oh, shit. Because there's a lack of sugar, right? Yeah. I can just drink and drink and drink. Damn. But I tried eating edibles. So I'm trying to get into pot, you know?

That should make me fucking crazy. Do you do that? I used to. And then I started getting massive panic attacks. Yeah, it doesn't work for me. That's just no fun. The anxiety attacks are no fun. It's awful.

Yeah, the first time I did weed, though, I was like 29. Whoa. You're a late bloomer. Yeah. That's why you say you're just entering your party face. Yeah, I think my parents just ruined my whole young adult. Hey, why'd you have to do so much meth?

No. Dude, I would find spoons and shit, you know? Like, I don't know. I know that's not meth. Whatever. Like, whatever they were doing. Did you ever try any of that stuff? Any hardcore?

Hell no. No, I figured that the children of somebody that are into that are either a hell yes or a hell no. I know. You know? Yeah. For sure. For sure.

No, God, I remember being like seven or eight years old and looking around and being like, oh, hell no. So they went hardcore. Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad was more of an alcoholic, but my mom, yeah,

full-blown meth. Meth. Full time. Jesus. She's still alive? No, she passed away. Yeah, a few years ago. But, yeah, sorry to bring the pod down.

You guys know, you guys love this. I wish my mom would do meth. Well, a lot of these guys on the walls were doing meth. Wild. That guy would take 10 to 14 Benadryl. I believe that. I believe that. Hell yeah.

He smokes, meth, and JZD. Cool dude. Yeah, very, very cool. Becoming full strokes. Cool dude. Wow. Yeah. That's crazy.

So when did you realize your parents were on drugs? Like, you know, when you grow up in something and you don't know it's weird until you do? Until, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I knew pretty early. Pretty early. They didn't hide anything.

Oh, cool. Could you tell also just based on, like, another kid's parents, you're like, oh, they're not like this, you know? Oh, oh, big time. Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah. It highlights to you, like,

how come your parents are just, like, quiet? Right, right, right, right, right. How do you guys, like, have food in the house? That was a big one. I'm always used to sell our food stamps for drugs. So that's, you know, Christ. How did it turn out half decent? I don't know.

Is it wild to you that you had food stamps and then now you have this career where you're like, like, does the amount of money that you make now has to be, like, shit you couldn't comprehend, right? Oh, I, every day I'm like, what, like, what's going on? It's like, doesn't seem real. No, not even a little bit. All the time.

All the time. And I don't splurge on a lot of stuff. I do every once in a while. When I do, I'm like, this is, it still feels weird. Like, this is weird. Just like play money or something. Yeah, very odd. Amounts that, like, you now are, like, in your,

in your wheelhouse are just things that, like, it would have sounded like somebody's year salary. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yep. I think about that all the time, every day. Every time I get paid, I'm like, what, what is this? Like, what in the world?

What is happening? Yeah. And you have, obviously you tour, so you know what that, but then you have Patreon and OnlyFans. And so that's another revenue stream that's crazy. Yeah, NoVagina. I want to throw that out there. But they say OnlyFans, people just get kind of.

Of course. But it's Tammy doing her, her show. Yeah, it's, it's comedy because I feel like the community guidelines have just gotten so freaking ridiculous over the last few years. And OnlyFans or? No, just on. TikTok.

Instagram, Facebook, TikTok. I used to get posts and some just funny shit. And now I can't post anything. Instagram also, because I love, that's what my favorite social media platform personally. And, you know, there's this thing now where it's like, you go log in and they'll be like, hey, we took down this post. And it's like from 18 months ago or something.

And you're like, what? Very weird. And then it says like, yeah, it violated it. I guess somebody reported it that day or something. And you're like, this is such a bummer. Oh, are they just shadowban me all the time on Instagram? Oh my God. I would encourage you to follow me at the Christina P on

Instagram. Okay. Fight the power. Yes. Because they're not pushing me like they should right now. Oh dude, they took my whole Instagram page down. Almost a year ago. I had over a million followers.

They were like, nope, you're done. So how to restart? No. You're gonna start over again? How to restart? Yep. And could nobody in like your like reps or anything connect? Oh, they tried so hard.

They tried so hard. Everybody. For like a couple months, they were in talks with Instagram and Instagram just literally goes, well, we're not going to give her a page back, but here's the community guidelines. Have her read over them. But they would take they would take off stuff like I was cooking eggs once in a pan.

I just did a shot of it in a pan and put an Aerosmith song over it. They took it down for soliciting sex. It's like, so it's like, come on. The problem with these with the social media stuff is really just the inconsistency of what of the rules they apply. Right. Because you're like, that doesn't.

What is that, dude? Right. But it doesn't make any sense. Big time. And on Tech Talk, your peers rat you out. These dirty little zoomers who are like, if ended and then your shit gets taken down. Big time.

But you can appeal it. But I feel like Tech Talk is more of the future than the gram, if you will. Agree. It's international. You have stories now and stuff. I've been kind of posting on there. But that's why I started the OF and the Patreon because I'm

like, damn, I have all these ideas that I can't post anywhere else. So I'll just do comedy over there and show a tit every now and then, keep people happy. Sweet. That might be the way to go is building show. They keep growing. I know that Whitney did the Roast of Burt and that was like

OnlyFansTV. I mean, they're obviously going to keep producing stuff. Yeah. Yeah, dog. Yeah. I think it's the place to be. We'll see. That's fucking wild.

So do you talk to your dad still? No, we're Facebook friends. He'll comment on something every now and then like once a year. But not really. He remarried when I was like 13 and he kind of has his own thing going on. New family. New kids.

Yeah. But he's a cool dude, which is weird. That is cool. He's very cool. I feel like I get like my sense of humor from him. But yeah, we just don't talk. Really? He leaves comments like once a year?

Like. Yeah. Hey, this is funny. How are you doing? Last time I saw him at a family reunion, he asked for my autograph for his co-worker. I think this is wild. Can you sign this?

And I signed it. Did you say, and what's your name? Like this is wild, dude. That's my life. Wow. I was like, OK, you know. Is it so back then, did you guys, did you stop communicating back then?

Like when he. Yeah, it was a slow, it was a slow process. I remember I was in college, my freshman year of college. And you know, every time that we would see him, it was like me initiating it, me driving, me calling. And I remember I was in a freshman year of college and I thought, I wonder what would happen if I just stopped? You know, how long would it take him to do it?

And I didn't hear from him in like three years. Wow. Yeah. I was like, OK. And that's kind of how it's been since, which is fine. You know, we got taken away from my mom and dad when I was 12. And so our grandma raised us.

So it's not like, I don't feel like I'm missing anything. You know? Yeah. I'm past it for sure. And was your grandma a nice lady? Very. I was kind of raised by two. And then we'd go back and forth.

One still alive. We really don't speak with her. She's kind of difficult, a difficult person. And the other one, the amazing one, she passed away. They always do the amazing ones. Yeah. They die first, man. God only takes the good ones, is what my mom used to say.

Yeah. Sucks. That sucks. My dad died and I was like, God, I wish it was my mom. Oh, my God. No. God always takes the good ones. Oh, man.

But you're so resilient. I'm very amazed by you. I didn't realize your story was like this. I mean, for you to put yourself through college, it sounds like you worked the whole time. You played sports and you get out. And now you've created this character and this empire. It's like, wow.

Yeah. How did you do this? How are you not a complete mess? Dude, I know. I know. I just think, I just, like I said, I remember being little and being like, this is not going to be my life. Absolutely not.

So I remember, gosh, I've been doing social media for almost 10 years now. And I started on Vine. You guys remember Vine? Cool. You were a Vine star? I was a Vine. I was a little Vine star.

Vine was popping. Yeah, I remember that. That shit went away. I felt like with swiftness. Big time. It was just like, everybody was like, I was like, Jesus Christ. And then it was just like, we're done. Vine's gone.

Wild. Why did it end again? I really forget. I think the, I think I've heard multiple things. I think a lot of the big Vine stars, like stopped posting on there because Vine wouldn't pay on. That's what I was told. And now on TikTok, there's a million TikTok stars.

Back when Vine, you had like 20 people that were running. But so they were like, we're leaving Vine, but like didn't Vine disappear? Yeah. After, after they left and stopped posting, it was up for another, I think two years and people were just not getting on it, not getting on it. Cause nobody was posting to it.

And, and it also coincided. They're like, their decline coincided. If I remember correctly with Instagram being like, you can do short videos on art, right? Cause you couldn't. Right. Until they just photos. They're like, we'll just, you know, you can use short

videos on this platform. Exactly. Do people monetize TikTok yet? Yeah. How? Getting tips? You can get, people can tip you with, if you go live. But your agents can also sell.

Make you sell products though. But the platform itself doesn't send you a check. It does. Oh. Yep. It doesn't pay much. Right. But yeah, for purview or something.

It's weird. Wow. I think I've made like 10,000 in the last two years on Vine. But, you know, that's a little something. On TikTok. On TikTok. Yeah.

Yeah. On TikTok. Okay. Wow. But, uh, no, I started on Vine and it just started, you know, as a joke because back then people weren't making a career of, of social media or nothing. And so I was just fucking around, you know.

And it just kind of took off and took off and I just kept on because I was just having fun. I wasn't making any money. And then I quit my nine to five, five years ago. And I wasn't making any money when I quit my nine to five. What was your nine to five last? I was working. I was working at Whole Foods in the bakery.

And then I, and then I also was working at a, at a tech company. Like I was assisting techs, like, like, like just kind of doing what they needed me to do. So I, my belief is that every job like that's got a perk. I'm guessing free baked goods or the huge perk at Whole Foods. Oh dude. And we would get, we would like get in trouble, but we'd

like, oh, we'd take a little cupcake and go to the back, go to the freezer and eat it. Me and my coworker. Oh yeah. Yeah. Free food. Hell yeah. Free baked goods.

But, um, gosh. Yeah. I quit my nine to five, five years ago. I was like, I'm going to do this full time. Good for you. And I just went for it and it just took off. It just took off, started making money. It started, you know, I was like, all right, maybe this is,

this is, yeah. Do you ever hear from the people that you last worked with? Not really. I mean a couple of people maybe, but not, not really. Do you know why? It's because you're better than them. I feel it too, you know. I, I do, I feel it.

Yeah. They're not, they're beneath you. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. It's true. Dude, how, by the way, is the Whole Foods bakery good? Is it like a?

Yes, but it all comes, most of it comes in already pre-frozen. So they're not. Oh. They're not. Scandal. Baking stuff. We do some, but not like the dough will come in

and we'll bake it there. I got you. So it looks like we baked, we baked, and we did bake it there, but we didn't like mix it. Prep that dough and everything. And I don't like those vegan, non-sugar, flourless, bullshits. There's no, you can't torture baked goods like that.

No, man, just eat a regular. Yeah. Just eat a, you know, you know, eat a regular, you know. That's the way, that's the way everybody should, should be spoken to when they request something like that. Like I'm like a vegan, sugar, dip, drop, and you just go, no, ma'am, no, ma'am. No, ma'am, no.

Just eat a regular. Yeah, eat a regular. And they're like, I don't eat that and be like, yeah, that's not happening here. Oh gosh. What were y'all's last nine to fives? God, I had the best last nine. Oh, actually hers is really good.

It was the Girl Scouts of Greater Los Angeles. And I answered the phones. I would, when the little brownies would come in and the Girl Scouts to further badges, I would work in the gift shop and like, sell them the badges. I did the cookie drives. A lovely place, lovely organization.

That's a good one. But it was so fucked up because I'd be on Chelsea lately like the night before, you know? And like you go and I'd buy a shirt from like Anthropology, you leave the tags on, wear the shirt on Chelsea, have to return the shirt the next day because I was so poor, you know? And then you'd be at the Girl Scouts and someone's like,

weren't you on Chelsea lately last night? And you're like, no. Was it me? Yeah, that was a good one. That's a good last one. Last full-time one was post-production on reality shows. So I was a post-coordinator. Okay.

So you're just basically, you know, you have the whole post-schedule, you're making sure that editors know what they, it's a very just kind of, you know, not an exciting job. But, and then my part-time, the last part-time one that I had, which was a couple of years after that, was I would be a site rep for locations companies.

So if, you know, if you put your house, your house is available to shoot at for a show, I go and make sure that the production doesn't fuck up your house, right? And it's also just sit-around stuff. Like you just literally are just sitting there. You never worked at Applebee's or nothing? I did. I worked at a pizza shop.

I worked at a restaurant on Sunset. I failed my drug test at Laurie Steakhouse. That was going to be my big one. Oh, you would have made Bonnie there. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I'm like, because I've been a waitress, at like a French place. And I was a foremost at cafe, which is like a bar.

And I was like, I'm going to make bank at Laurie's. And they've drug tested me. And I just smoked pot the night before. And I failed it right in front of the lady. That's the restaurant business. They're all high. They're all high. Yeah, I did it at a restaurant there.

And then, but those were like, those weren't my last ones. Those were like earlier, earlier. Before, before. I've done everything. I feel like I've done it all. But then it makes me appreciate this gig so much more. Because once you've been on the side of suffering, you're like, dude, I'm never going back there.

Oh, yeah. Oh, big time. I worked at Sonic for eight years. I kind of actually do miss that. Every once in a while, I'm like, man, I need to go put in my application at Sonic. You see what happens, dude? I would actually love to do that.

Holy shit, Sonic, huh? What was your favorite item to eat, like your shift item? I was made of vanilla cream Coke. Sweet. I'm a big. Sweet. Food-wise, I'm not like, I still like won't hardly eat it. Not that it was bad.

I just ate there for eight. I'm just great. I know. That's how I feel about Starbucks. Madeline's. I used to steal them every shift. I can't eat them again because I just odeed on those. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Those are long though. Yeah. You worked at Star. It's hard to imagine you working at Starbucks. I loved it. I loved it. Let me tell you something.

I was a really good fucking barista too. I could be hung over shit because that first shift is like 5 a.m. And I used to drink all night. I was like 20 years old. And then I'd have like a line of customers out the door. I'd be sweating and shaking and holding in a diarrhea. And I could still fucking just knocking those drinks out.

Do a whole line of people. Hell yeah. I liked being a barista. Yeah. Hell yeah. Barista's like that is the has turned into the most queer friendly job in the United States. Yeah, especially in Austin. You walk into any barista anywhere, anywhere.

It has become that is the job where if you are missing a limb, your trans, your Bolly, your Polly, your by your cat ears, you're all of it in your barista. So that is the standard. Yeah, that's true. That's why I feel like you wouldn't do well there. Not now. Not now.

Now that I'm a total I'm the opposite. Yeah, I'm totally lame. But now I talk to those baristas and I will ask them about their attire and I will make fun of them and stuff. I'm the annoying Karen. Yeah. I used to wear I used to sling drinks too. Yeah.

No, I'm saying you. You tell them that when you're waiting on your coffee. I used to sling drinks too. You're doing great. Well, my new thing is I talked to Goths because I was still of that culture. I love the culture. And I met one yesterday at a burger joint and I was like, you're going to go see Sisters of Mercy in Austin.

And she was like, actually, I'm in the metal. I'm like, oh, well, you look goth. So fucking confused me, bitch. Pick a genre. Dude. Speaking of non drinkers, we found this guy who doesn't drink this resonates with you. And I don't give a fuck if people ask why aren't you drinking not even socially?

That's a little extreme. You know what's extreme? Your poverty. Yeah. Your poverty is extreme. Your fat, sloppy, unconditioned body is extreme. Oh, OK. Your poor negative destitute mindset is extreme.

It's an extreme example of what not to be to your kids, to your community, to your employees. That's a really passionate. His dad was probably an alcoholic. Yeah. Yeah. To some roots. Oh, yeah.

That's got nutrition shit on his head. It's very intense. A lot of tats on the fingers. Yeah. He's very aggressive, babe. Yeah, that's the kind of non drinker that's not fun to be around. Because you can't have a drink around him. No.

I wouldn't give a fuck. If you're plastered, I'm going to have fun with you. Yeah. You know what I mean? Him, he's going to be schooling. He just let down everybody in the world. Yeah. I like hanging out with people that had real problems

with drugs now called Rob Eilers. Great. Yeah. Because you'll drink with him and he'll be like, see this? There's no cartilage left in my nose from all the shit I used to snort. They're like, I've got no enamel on my teeth. Like, he's really fun.

Yeah. He lets you talk. Oh, man. Jesus Christ, man. That guy was a lot. I know. I did pay Bummy out. I don't like his whole vibe.

Like, what does he do for fun? It's probably do shit like this. Yeah. Podcasts. Jesus. Personally, that is fun. Do you remember a few months ago, Ellaria Baldwin, Alec Baldwin's wife,

mother of their seven children, got into like a little bit of, it became a thing where she was, you know, speaking English with a Spanish accent. Yes. So cool. OK. And so like, like she was doing.

We have very few ingredients. We have tomatoes. We have, how do you say it? Cucumbers. Cucumbers. We have green pepper. How do you say in English? How do you say in English?

How do you say in English? Bitch, you're from Boston. Yeah, she's from Boston. Is she's from Boston? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She studied in Spain. God, that was so embarrassing.

Like so many people did. Play it again. Play the how do you say it. She obviously knew the word cucumber. She blurted that out. She didn't say, how do you, she didn't even say, how do you say this? How do you say?

Which is like what a. How do you say? English as a second language speaker would say. How do you say, eme, oh, can. You know, like. So great. We have very few ingredients. We have tomatoes.

Tomatoes. We have, how do you say it? Cucumber. Cucumber. We have red pepper. Red pepper. So there's been some questions about where I'm born. I'm born in Boston.

And then I spent some of my childhood in Boston, some of my childhood in Spain, my family, my brother, my parents, my nephew, everybody is over there in Spain. Now I'm here. And so there was like a lot of back and forth my. Entire life and I'm really lucky that I grew up speaking two languages. Yeah, you're very lucky. We're all lucky.

That was one thing. I think people ask sometimes about how I speak. I am that person that if I've been speaking a lot of Spanish, I, you know, tend to mix them. And if I'm speaking more English, I, you know, are doing a lot of English, then I mixed that. Okay. So such a fucking weird.

It's so fascinating, though, that it's. I mean, she really did grow up in Boston as like as Hillary. And then she cultivated this whole identity as Ilaria. Like she's the foreign Spanish. I didn't even know that. I've seen that clip, but yeah. And then the children's, the children's, the children are all names.

Like they all have like real, real spiky names, you know, like Rocco and Luca. Okay, Rafi. Yeah. Oh my gosh. It's okay. I'm mostly spik. I can say it.

I know people are like the fuck. So anyway, so then the trial of Alex starts, I guess, for, you know how he killed somebody? Yes. It's crazy. So he shot someone in the fucking face and it's like, not his fault. So I guess the trial is starting, I believe.

I read yesterday that the charges have been brought down lower. Okay. Lower. I didn't, I didn't know. I didn't read the article. I just read the headline and kept growing. And as the trial kicked off in New York,

as they, they would, they do in New York, or if you're in LA, you're a celebrity and you're on trial for something like shooting and killing somebody. You know, the press has been heavier present outside his, their apartment. So she stopped and talked to the press after like a couple of days. And it's, it feels like Spanish Ilaria is back. I'm so excited.

Hillary, all these charges feel. I'm going to tell you what I'm going to say. You're not going to ask me questions. I'm going to tell you. Okay. I want you guys to realize that we have seven kids and you being here to escort them to school and to be there when they come home is not good.

So on a human level, you guys know, I'm not going to say anything to you. You know that. So please, please leave my family in peace and let this all play out. Different voice. That's a totally different voice. A hundred percent. That is a totally different voice. Okay.

So let my kids come home and you stay away from them because they asked me, mommy, what, like, what are these people doing? And it's a very hard thing as a mom to try to explain. So please go home because I'm not going to say anything. And Alec is not going to say anything. Your lawyers have said something about the charges. What do you say? So they say, mommy.

Literally just two degrees off of how my mother speaks. She's like, I am not going to say anything. And Alec is not going to say anything. Okay. What's she doing that for? I think she's back into her. Maybe she's speaking a lot of Spanish lately. It's hard to shake.

Yeah. You know. So yeah. Yeah. Her accent is just such a strange. That's very odd. I would have thought that was a different woman. Yeah.

In the story. Go home. Go home. Go home. I, they say. She can say, go home. Go home. My puppy.

She can totally say go home. Go home. Yeah. Yeah. That's odd. It's. Leave my family in peace. Leave my family in peace.

In peace. In peace. Wow. What are these people doing? What are these people doing? Love the cellarad. Love it. It's wild.

Yeah. Damn. I mean, I feel for her obviously as a human. You're like, this is terrible. Well, I feel for the lady who got shot in the face too. I mean. You know what's interesting about that is that he picked up that gun on the table and just went like as a joke.

But anybody that's had a held a gun, etiquette, you know. That was probably his first film. You know, he didn't really know how it works. I mean, you never. I wouldn't do that with a plastic. Right? No. Like, oh my gosh.

It's scary to be. I've held gun on a set and like, I mean, there is a protocol that happens. Yeah. First of all, they don't just go, here it is. A guy comes over, whoever's in the scene comes around you and they go, this is what we're doing for this scene. He's going to pull this gun up.

Then they, if it has a magazine, they empty that. They pull the, they clear the chamber like six times. Everybody see that there's nothing in here. If it's a revolver, same thing. They open the revolver, they spin it. This is what it is. They go over and over and over. So that everybody who's in the scene is like, okay, cool.

We're comfortable. Yeah. Everyone's comfortable. And then it's like, hey, Chelsea, I'm going to point this at you. And then like, you know, like we even look at it again. And then you get to the point. You're like, all right, this is not a gun that's going to fire. Right.

So obviously. That didn't happen. I know this story is just wild because you're like, well, how did it go from that, which is standard on all productions, to like, I pulled it and I shot you in the face and killed you? All right. I don't know. Obviously some part of that story doesn't add up.

Some sketch for sure. Yeah, for sure. It's awful. Can you imagine what they have seven babies now? Oh my God. What a fucking nightmare that life is. It's got to be so hard because you know, like, daddy comes home and the cameras are outside.

And then how do you say cucumber? How do you say, he's like, how old is he now? Seventy something. No. Is he that old? He's 89 years old. No, no. I would say he's in his sixties.

Late sixties maybe? What a nightmare. Oh, 64. I know, but could you imagine, Tommy? She's 39. Yeah. Seven kids. We have two kids and we're so exhausted all the time.

And we just now turn to corner where our children are four and seven. Here's the kids. Carmen, Gabriela, Baldwin. Leonardo. Leonardo. Baldwin. Eduardo, Pao, Lucas, Baldwin. Lucia, Baldwin.

Rafael, Tomás, Baldwin. Romeo, Alejandro, Baldwin. Yeah, Baldwin. God damn. Oh, my God. They're all super Latin. That's a lot of kids. Like, why do that?

It's got to be pathological. He can't stop busting nuts. Just busting nuts, dude. And also he's like, I'm going to be out of the picture in a few years. These are your problems. Yes. Oh, that's great. Wow, dude.

I mean, honestly, as a woman too, like, child birth and the postpartum first year is probably the worst of my, like, it's so hard. And she's continually in a state of postpartum psychosis. That's just crazy. I don't know. Some women get addicted to, like, being pregnant, having babies. I think we found one. I think we did.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-uh. No, ma'am. I didn't mind being, like, five months pregnant. Like, if I could go back in time for, like, a few minutes every day, I'd be five months pregnant once a day for a few minutes.

And then back to, like, not being pregnant. Because I like that feeling. It's the same thing of, like, when you see, like, a six-month-old baby, you're like, oh, man, remember when my kid was six months? So cute. So cute. I like to go back to that for, like, a minute. Yeah.

Just snuggle. And then go 30 seconds and then we're out. And then I would like to snap my fingers and be back in present time again. No kidding, man. I still have huge memory gaps from our second kid. Yeah. Like, that first year, just a blur, because you're just in survival mode. Yeah.

You had a two-year-old and then a newborn. You're like, it was terrible. Play with old beef cheeks for a minute. You don't want to have, like, big cheeks. Yeah. It's been really cool. Tom's been playing aggressive rap music for our children in the car. Well, here's the thing.

She keeps playing this gay shit that she likes. 01:10:34,160 --> 01:10:34,640 And so... Blackwack. Oh, nothing just, like, cool Britpop from the 90s. I don't know if you remember, like, bands like Paul or Oasis, those piece of shit bands. One song. First of all, she's misleading you.

Bauhaus. That, like, yeah, she's doing this shit. That's great. She's not Oasis. Okay. Not Oasis. Oasis might be in there. The cure.

Okay. The kinks. The cure. And then these kids are like, I guess this is what music is. And I'm like, let dad step in and show you a little something. Yeah. Some 90s hip-hop. What are you playing on?

Yeah. A lot of stuff. And I'll admit, it's not appropriate, but I also feel like they'll get over that. Yeah. You know? He doesn't even, but horn. You don't, because I'll make sure, like, is this song about sex? Is this song about, like, what's the song about?

Maybe I shouldn't play, you know, dirty things? Yeah. He doesn't even think about, like, does this song have the N-word dropped in it a thousand times? Pull up the lyrics. Yeah. So I was playing Lynch mom, Gorillaz. I think we're going to need any to jump in on this. So, you know, it's like, yeah.

So come down and beware of the black fist, right? Jesus Christ. The Gorillaz straight motherfucking killers in the mist. Take a shot. Now you can't forge. Never thought you'd see South Central. Niggas. In the force.

Oh, wow. He's playing this for our seven and four year old boy. He falls right on his nuts. Yeah, no, this shit slaps. Coming real hard, man. The J, I mean, hell yeah. But JD is blacker than a city called Atlanta. Give me some elbow room.

I need some elbow room. So I can boom, circle, like a boom. That's the sound of the 20 gauge. Yeah. Like a stuff in the lunch mark and break out of any cage. They'll learn it in school, if not in y'all's car. Not at the school we sound like. Really?

Boom. Here comes a. Oh my God, babe. What's that dick and nut sack? That's my kind of song. Wow. Anyways, they were, they were like, I mean, by the end of the song, Ellis had his fist in the air, right?

No, he didn't. Yeah, he did. Fist in the air and he was like, I get it. And then our youngest, Julian, he was just sitting back there like this. And I was like, gotta get him ready. I mean, there are a lot of white devils out there. That's why I was trying to teach them. Yeah, but they came home and they were like, daddy's music has F words,

a lot of F, F, F, F, and I was like, babe, we just stopped them from saying that. Oh, that's where F word like 30 times. I go, look, man, art is subjective. Art. So yeah. Art, hell yeah. It was awesome. Yeah.

After we, so we had to, you have to teach your kids like, don't say F at school. Like, don't say F at home. F is too harsh for little kids. F was a lot. Yeah, I turned it down though. You know when it would come, I would just kind of turn it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you really?

Yeah, I did. Yeah. It's just constant, just constant. Sounded like I was my own DJ. So I was listening to that song. It was famous on TikTok that M to the B, M to the B. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. L.A. B, it's like chav rap.

And there's one part where she's like, so soulfy, you give shit head. And then Ellis is like, shit head. And I was like, yeah. Yeah, shit head. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's cute. Yeah, shit head. M to the B.

Anyway. Anyway. I like playing that shit for them though. Well, it's important to school your kids on what's awesome and rad so that they don't grow up to be dorks, thinking that the current music is good. Oh, God. Because it sucks dogmas. How great would it be if our kids were in school and they were like

talking about their favorite songs or something? And then Ellis is like, Gorilla's in the mist. The teacher's like, let me pull this up on Spotify. What is this? Like, what the fuck? Right. Thinking it's going to be, you know, like a little kids song. Oh, God.

Because it kind of sounds like, oh, Gorilla? Was it an animal song? Yeah. That's cute. But there is an album. And if you guys have little boys, oh man, my kids are so into this one. Here, I'll show you. They're called the toilet bowl cleaners.

Hold on. Oh, gosh. The toilet bowl cleaners. Yeah, they're pretty great. They have songs like Fart. Fart. The poop song. The poop song.

01:14:30,240 --> 01:14:31,760 Pooping my fingernails. Yeah. Poop, poop, poop. The diarrhea bounce back. Diarrhea is good. The diarrhea bounce back. Yeah, it's all really good.

It's from the album. Still farting, pooping, puking. And I don't know what's after that. But yeah. That's actually great. Yeah. That's great. Boys do love it.

So like little boys go over. Toilet bowl cleaners, yeah. Like, you know what their thing is now? Right now at night. So at night, we go into their room. You know, hey, guys, getting bad. We've read. You've brushed teeth.

All right, lay down. And they're like, all right. Tell us a couple of stories about when you had diarrhea. So I like the diarrhea. And all you do is like, you just tell them like, I had crazy diarrhea and I doubled over and it smelled bad. And it was filling up the toilet. And they are like, like doubled over.

Laughing. Tears. It's the best audience. And they're like, and then when they're done, they're like, oh my god. That was a great story, man. Like I'm ready for bed now. Like that's their bedtime story.

I don't know if they ever grow out of that. Because every time I fart on Snapchat, I get a million messages. Do it again. Do it again. I agree. What? Let me tell you something, Chelsea.

We had what was called a fart mic here in the studio. And the audience loved it. Unanimously adored it. Unanimous is a strong word. Christina, we love you on the fart mic. Keep giving us the fart mic. I would eat Zanku chicken in LA and then get on that fart mic and rip.

And then Tom took it away from the listeners. Why do you do that? I was, I grew out of it. I evolved. I was kind of over it. He's been fart shaming me lately, quite honestly. I'm not the only one. Okay.

There's, it's in the news. Were your farts not good? No, they were great. They were good farts. There's an article. He's just jealous. About this, not just me. Do you fart in front of your husband, Chelsea?

Oh, are you kidding? Absolutely. I'll wake them up with a fart to the face. To the face? Well, not really. Okay. I was exaggerating. All right.

That's a big thing. I was exaggerating. Here's the thing. I'm not asking for, hey, no fart should ever happen. Yeah. It's just the other day I'm in bed. I'm laying there. The day is starting.

She's over on the other side of the room. So she comes over to my nightstand. Yeah. Pick something up, turns around farts. I go, hey, what the fuck, man? She's like, oh, don't tell me you're going to say shame me about this. I'm like, you have to come over here to do it. Shame me.

You could have been over there. Yeah. It was, listen, I can't control when they come out. Yeah. And I, why are you making me? Here's a, this is in the news. Oh my gosh. Wife devastated after her husband refuses to forgive her for farting in front of him

once after nine years together. So this is like, this marriage is now on the rocks because of a fart. Hold on. She farted one time in nine years and he's divorcing her? Well, he doesn't say they're doing it, but he is there. It's, it's like, things are not good. Emma. What news source was this pulled from?

Things are not good. Yeah. Emma said her husband, Rob, refuses to forgive the disgusting and unladylike offense. Despite friends insisting he is the one in the wrong. She's still trying to, she accidentally let one rip as she was falling asleep. Well, that's not, that's not her fault then. Sleep farts are all that. Here's what she said.

It was the worst flashlight scenario. I farted and it wasn't a small or inoffensive smelling one either. In fact, it was probably one I'd be embarrassed about even if I was alone in the toilet. You know, the, the couple, here's a psychologist and sex therapist, Shannon Chavez agrees saying that being able to pass gas is a sign of a better sex life. Thank you. So I will say that. The fact that they were interviewed over this fart, they gave interviews over it.

The Daily Mail apparently. She even apologized to her husband, which she said, which she said, but he still feels, she still feels his disappointment. Yeah. She's still feeling conflicted, although she knows farting is normal. Her husband finds it. That's how I feel now. Distasteful and, and she doesn't want to disappoint.

Well, I feel like I've been fart shamed. And, and once you put that in my head that you disapprove of it. Now I'm like in my head about these farts. Scared to fart. Yeah. Scared to fart. Now I can't be myself. Yeah.

I can't be myself. Farting is a huge part of my identity. And he's robbed me. Huge part of my identity. Of it. Yeah. We had someone call into our pod and say that his, he didn't want to be with his girlfriend anymore because she farted over a hundred times a day.

And he was like, I, he was like, I can't, I can't, I can't do it anymore. But that's kind of. That's a lot. I'm like, that's also. You're farting nonstop. But that also is not even about her in front of him. Like she has an actual medical issue. Oh, I said she's either really sick or really fucking healthy.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like what's your protein intake like? Right. She's a.

A hundred times a day. Yeah. That's wild. You have another video because you do your podcast with a page. Yeah. Page. Page gin. Page gin.

And there's a video I've seen at multiple times where she's laying naked. Yep. But like face down, like hand, hand on the elbow. We need to see part of her ass cheeks. That's probably on my Chelsea Lynn Instagram. I don't think it's on there. Legs in the air crop. There you go.

Oh, it's right there. I've seen this over the years many times. Perfect. What is the origin of this? Because I've seen this many times. I'll tell you. Okay. Okay.

So back when COVID, like people couldn't go anywhere and people were inside and they they they had this thing on the news like business were color coded. Do you remember that? Briefly, briefly businesses were color coded on like, I don't even know what it was to be honest with you. And so we were like, oh, let's do a little let's do a little news, you know, thing kind of telling everybody what, you know, she's going to fart out each color. And then I was going to say what the color meant business wise.

That's awesome. So we had all these colors lined up and everything. Anyway, we go to film that. That was the first take first everything. And we and we don't laugh. I'm like a one take. I don't laugh like nothing. Yeah.

But seeing that powder come out at the angle it did got me. Yeah. Yeah. It got me. It really like filled the air. Big time. Yeah. And I just we just started laughing and she wanted to continue trying to film.

I go, I go, that's what we're posting. Yeah. Yeah. That was smart. That was a good moment. 01:20:42,720 --> 01:20:44,640 You can feel you can feel excitement. Yeah.

I was really trying not to laugh. Oh God. That's like, oh, people will stop me on the street for that that video. Really? That was that the biggest one? One of the big ones? That's one. Oh, yeah.

One of them. Yeah. For sure. What's your biggest hit? I did the first time I went viral. I did a video in front of a grocery store in Sanger, Texas where I walked up, I had my friend record it, where I walked up and asked for a cigarette. And she goes, we don't, I don't have a cigarette.

And I go, fuck off. It was completely dumb. I had it in my camera roll for six months because I wasn't going to post. I was like, this isn't really funny, you know. But I didn't have anything to post. I was like, let me slap it up. Went like worldwide. Really?

People will stop. I mean, you got a cigarette down the, like it's wild. How funny. It's always never what you want to go. It's never where you're like, this one's a banger. Oh, yeah. Never. Yeah.

It's like that random thing. Exactly. Let's see. That one. Oh, yeah. That one. And apparently they knocked down the grocery store and had a thousand people. It's so, yeah.

Let's watch it. So dumb. You wouldn't think like, Hey, y'all got a cigarette? Um, we don't smoke. Fuck off. The two liter. It's so real.

Yeah. That was, I could see the monster influence there. Yeah. 01:21:58,000 --> 01:21:58,880 The monster straw. Yeah. Fuck off. Yeah.

Yeah. Her eyebrows, you've got that deep. Yeah. Those guys. Did you shave your eyebrows for that? No. Or lighten them or anything? No.

No, but they're, they're, uh, It's really good. They're tatted now. So they're darker now. You tattoo them? Well, what's it called? Oh, yeah, I know. No, no, no.

Yeah. I forgot what it's called. Like razor blading, Razoring or whatever. They do something to it. That's cool. Yeah. So you don't have to redo them.

Otherwise they're like blonde. If I take a picture, it looks like I have no eyebrows. Yeah. You're natural blonde. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. And also the camera.

Fuck off. Yeah. Fuck off. I didn't think that was funny. I was like, I almost deleted it. I was like, let me put it up. But the world liked it. Just went crap.

I had like news people wanting to interview me. I'm like, no, like, that's fine. You know, like. I'm sitting here thinking, I can't stop thinking about what her, she has to have a good Pajitski effect. So why don't you tell her what that is and what your latest one is.

Okay. So Pajitski effect is where you realize you've been doing something dumb your whole life. Like, for instance, the very first one we had, Tom and I, when we first got married, we had exactly two phone chargers between the two of us. Or no, one.

One. One phone charger that we would share. And then I was like, oh, we could afford to get more than one phone charger. So we would always like take turns plugging in. And then you go like, why are we doing this? Yeah. So dumb.

Like, why don't we just go buy more of these? You know, like it's just. And then what's another one? You do things wrong. So I just was doing the dishes the other day. Now what's another example prior to this one? So like we give her a few. Oh yeah.

So I, my whole life until I was like 44, I would get out of the shower and not really dry off completely. I would just like really, because I hate it. To me, it's like a time waster. I just want to get fucking dry. So she gets dressed wet. And then I put on my pants and I'd be like, why is it so hard to put these pants on?

Because my legs are still wet. And she put on socks wet. I put everything on wet. My husband does that. What? And I'm always like, why don't you dry? He like half ass dries. I'm like, why do you do that?

Isn't that uncomfortable? It should be like, yeah, it's uncomfortable. I don't, I have no clue why, why he does it. I don't know. But you finally was like, huh, why not dry off my whole body? 01:23:56,400 --> 01:23:58,560 So one day I thought to myself, I says self, you should probably dry yourself completely off.

And then you could put your pants on way easier. 01:24:03,520 --> 01:24:04,240 Mm-hmm. And we've had a bunch of them over the years. The staff has had one. And he realized that he can set the temperature for the shower. I remember you saying that. Right?

Yeah, yeah. That one, my favorite one is the little cotton ball in the medicine. I thought that that was there for freshness. And like just the other day I was like, God, I fucking every time I got to take this stupid cotton ball out to get a pill out. And I'm like, wait, do I not fucking need this in there? No.

Holy shit. You realize you can just take it out and leave it out. Wow. You don't need it. Yeah. I thought you needed it in there for freshness. Yeah. I just found out.

And you know what else you don't need? Like, you know, when you get like a thing of sour cream or yogurt or cream cheese and you, that tinfoil layer, you can just toss that away. Yeah, you don't leave it on. Yeah. And then live. So it's basically, when did you realize you're a fucking

moron? Oh my God. You know what's funny is I can't think of anything right now. Yeah, it's pressure. When I leave, I will obsess over it. That's how it is. And I'll be DMing you like crazy.

Well, here, her latest one left me truly baffled. I don't understand this. All right. Okay. So I was doing dishes the other day, like I always do, freezing cold water and sink, freezing cold. And I, and I was like, oh my God, wait a minute. No.

I can make this water warm. No. And therefore make this way more pleasurable. Because like my hands are always cold. And I'm like, fuck, ow, fuck, ow, ow, ow, the whole time. I don't get it. And it's easier to get the shit off when it's right. I'm a fucking idiot.

But see, here's the thing is that if it's like a grease pan, one of my favorite things in the whole world is just letting that grease go right down the drain. And I, and I'll put hot water and like letting go. So she knows that hot water works there. For grease. But on a plate. But not for the comfort of my own hands.

Are you doing this the whole time? Well, 46 years. Wow. Yeah. Fucking idiot. Wow. I didn't get, I was, she was driving. I pulled over.

I pulled over the car. It's like, what? I was like, I don't know when you talk. I go, but why would you rinse it with cold water? And she was like, just happened to, that's what I've been doing. But you know, you just don't think that you're like punishing yourself for no reason. You know what I mean?

Like, I was like, Tom's got this one. Can I tell him the chapstick? Oh gosh. Let's hear it. Show them how you put on chapstick. Pretend this is chapstick. You just move your lip. What?

He would open his mouth all the way. Well, first of all, I should say this. The first time I think I ever put on chapstick, I realized, oh, this is like, you know, it's dry out. I should do something. It's like, oh, you put on chapstick. I realized I've never put on, you know, I don't put on lipstick. I don't put on chapstick.

So I don't know what I'm doing. So I was like, oh, the logical thing would be to open your mouth. So I did that probably when I was 36 the first time, you know? I never used chapstick before. Before that? If I did it, I did it, you know, once or twice. I guess if you've never put on, like we put on lip stuff all the time. So you have a, but you're used to it.

If you don't know, you just would do something weird like that. I would felt like, oh, if I did it like the way you're supposed to, that there's no way it would get on your lips correctly. So I opened my mouth all the way. And you still continue to do that? No, I got better at it. Okay. Yeah, because I'd make fun of them.

Yeah, if you shame somebody and often you break their spirit, then they change. Yeah, that's how I go. Right. I'll be thinking about this nonstop. I'm not kidding. You know, you have to write them in when you remember them. I will. Oh, I had one also where my trainer came over and we were going to, you know,

I've been like, oh, I walk in this area and then I walk up this hill. It's a steep incline, you know? It takes a steep, it's not that long though. So it takes like two minutes of like grinding to get up it. So then I, you know, I take him on. He's like, this is a great hill. I'm like, yeah, you know, it sucks that it's only, it's only this distance. You can only, you can do it in a couple of minutes, but that's it.

And he, he was like, just do it again. And I was like, what? He's like, you could just do it a bunch of times. Do it a few times. I was like, man, I never fucking thought of that. So then we did it like 10 times. And I was like, this is really good. He's like, yeah, just keep doing.

You just go back down and go back up. Yeah, I would do it, get down and be like, well, I did it, I guess we're done. I wish there was more to do here. Oh my God. But I had the similar epiphany when I was walking in a park here in Austin. And I was like, that's it. That's the trail.

Guess I got to go home. That's funny. Can't do it again. Instead of just starting, starting again. Yeah. That's a real thing. Damn y'all. So stupid.

That's a little stupid. Yeah. Yeah. And it's crazy because I was pretty. I feel a lot stupid. Yeah. I was good at school. It is.

You're like, I'm, I got, I think I was smart. Because you're like, I have moderate intelligence. Yeah. But somebody points that out, like, why don't you do it again? You're like, the fuck are you talking about? Like, do it again. But then like I'll watch my kids shows with them. And I'll be like, I don't know anything, dude.

Like dolphins are warm-blooded. Did you fucking know that? No, I didn't know what that means. Right. It means they're mammals like us, Bru. But then you're like, how the fuck did they sleep in the cold-ass ocean? Oh yeah. They just do.

Huh. And like primary colors, did you know that all the colors are made up of just three fucking colors? I learned that from a kids song. Really? Didn't know that. And dolphins are the only ones that, that mate for orgasms. They, they nut. Really?

Just for fun? Yeah. And monkeys. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. I thought it was, I thought it was just dolphins. Yeah. The bonobos are just.

They're polyamorous. They're poly and bi. Thought I taught you something. No, no, I mean that's. No, that was good. That is something. Yeah. But there's not a lot of animals that do that.

Most of it's always about. Just bum for fun. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a fucking idiot. Yeah, that's funny, dude. But maybe I've learned this stuff and then you just forget it

because like life stuff takes over. Like I gotta do taxes. I gotta like get my fucking oil changed in my car. You don't think about cool stuff like dolphins. 01:29:50,960 --> 01:29:51,680 Fucking and stuff. Yeah. Dude.

It's pretty amazing. What you drinking there, honey? Coffee. That little coffee cup's cute. I know. It's espresso. That's espresso. I love it.

People might find me for saying espresso. Yeah, we do. It's nice. Yeah. Yeah. She's. Expresso. Yeah, yeah.

I'll say especially. That's another one we make fun of. 01:30:09,840 --> 01:30:11,200 I make fun of my sister for that. She's like. I'll say it without knowing. And people are like, what'd you just say? Yeah.

Just let me be. Just let me be. Let me be happy. Yeah, yeah. Don't correct my things. You know. It's my first language. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. Expresso's funny only because it's people that baristas, like people that work in a coffee place would be like, would you like a shot of espresso? No. And you're like, it's written on the board. You fucking dummy.

Written on the board. It's E.S. Yeah. God, I hate espresso. I hate when they see that. 01:30:39,520 --> 01:30:40,320 Expresso. Espresso, to me, if I say that, I feel fake.

Like you're like you're trying to be bougie? Yeah. Like I'm trying to be something. Like you're like, how do you say cucumber? How do you feel about wearing an eye mask to bed? Do you feel like that's bougie or is that normal? Like a sleep mask? Well, I couldn't be able to sleep.

Do you do that? I do that. No, I just started taking my mouth shut. I do that too. You just started that? I just started. You just start? Like a couple months ago.

Yeah, yeah. Just started a couple weeks ago. It's going well. Because I realized I, oh, no. Well, here's the thing. She said that she feels super bougie and like, like, oh, what am I, a princess? Like fancy people do that.

So I was like, what if the sleep mask had something, you know, like easy-e had AIDS or something on it? Yeah. And then we decided to make it. Didn't go well. Oh, it didn't go well. There's a real backlash to this. Oh, wow.

Mostly from the black community on Twitter. Yeah, I bet. Black fit. Black Twitter didn't like it at all. I bet not. Well, you know, nobody likes to remember how people died. Yeah. I think there, I think people think we're making fun of him.

Yeah. No. When the, when the actual joke was like, what if there was a message that made your sleep mask not bougie? We probably could have chosen another one. Yeah. But we stuck to what was said in the podcast. Yeah.

Which was easy-e had AIDS. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you just sleep with that one on? Yeah. This one I travel with. I buy people for Christmas gifts, gifts.

This is what you're going to get from that. If you don't like to be bothered on a flight, let me tell you something. You put this on. No one will tap your shoulder. Wow, dude. They will think you're on a mission. Can you imagine not knowing what's going on and just reading that?

And being like, why? If you also, if you had it on as people were walking down, like boarding, and then they saw that and they'd be like, oh my God, this is a fucking make-up. That's great. Yeah. But I could, I can see like, you think like rich, rich, fancy people.

That's what she was saying. It's always in the movies that the fancy girl is like, I gotta take my sleep mask off and I'm not that, I don't feel that. My point of view on this is that what like, everyone has different requirements to sleep well. Personally, I like complete, no, like blackout, blackout. I don't like a little bit of light. So I, for years, you know, I was always complaining

about the curtains and the light that was peeking in. So sleep masks solve that. I mean, it's complete blackout. I like it. I just put tin foil on my windows. There you go. Yeah. That's a cool look.

That comes from your upbringing. That's a meth mom, dad kind of thing. I like it blacked out too, for sure. I like the whole room blacked out. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's, that works too. Reynolds wrap.

Do you want to go there? Do you want to do a, do you want to do tin foil on the windows? Sure. Let's do it. That doesn't make you feel bougie, right? That's the opposite of bougie. No, that's, I could do that. Do you want to show Tammy this real quick?

Obviously. Look, I live for these TikToks. I carry TikToks from the marginalized communities. People that are underrepresented, I give them a platform. There are stories. We have the same for you, Paige. I die for your TikToks. Well, you're going to, here's the sneak peek.

I don't know how this is going to make you feel. I always try to warn people this might put you in a different mood. A lot of times they bring me down. Here we go. Hi, welcome to my airplane home. My name is Bruce Campbell. I'm 73 years old and I live in a Boeing 727 jetliner in Hillsboro. This aircraft was all tourist class.

There was no business class, no first class. It was tourist from flight deck all the way to the tail. This is a futon sofa. This is my priority shower. The outdoor shower was so harsh that I had to establish at least some place where I could take an indoor shower. My lavatory is a temporary sink and a clothes washer, kitchen area. Not much of a kitchen.

I'm a nerd. I don't cook. 727 food service cart, which serves as my pantry. The microwave oven and the toaster oven are sufficient. And in fact, I almost never use the toaster oven. It's always the microwave oven. Observer, inspector, captain, the sole authority for the flight. This person may bark out orders to any of the rest and name must obey.

I have no regrets about pursuing this vision. It's fun. Jetliner homes are really cool. How much do you hate this, Tom? Well, you know what it actually made me think about is a couple of things. First of all, how in some ways you don't ever really like it's good to really never grow up. Like this is what a kid would do. He's a harmless guy.

I think it'd be creepy to visit him. I think you'd be in there and you'd be like this guy. He didn't have a couch. Oh, shit. He just had a bed. But he's so committed and obsessed to his jetliner living that you know, it's the kind of thing where it'd be fun to walk through and you'd be like, but if he was like, you want to stay?

He'd be like, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no. Like there's there is a level of creepiness to this. He's in the fucking woods in a in a fucking Bowen. So many questions. First of all, who is he paying $370 a month to? I don't get that. Maybe those are all his expenses.

The electricity, which probably runs just on a generator. He's out in the middle of nowhere. Did he just find a plane in the middle of the woods? Did he move the plane in? Like that's yeah. I just feel like we were just all I was waiting for was the one cabinet thing to open. He'd be like, here's my dolls that I fuck, you know, like that's the only thing this is missing. Yeah, I'm a fake flight attendant.

But I thought wouldn't it be funny if he's like, he's actually like a multimillionaire. And he's like, I spent $10 million revamping this because I loved it. That would not be surprised. Oh, my God. Would not be surprised. I honestly think it's kind of cool. You see those people who like will buy an old church and just live in the church. Mikey Hanger.

I love that shit. He got his up. This guy in Pennsylvania. Shout out to Mikey Hanger on TikTok. I love that shit living in non houses. I know, you know, but this one's too small. This sucks. Yeah, and the shower was just half of a shower.

I don't like this. I don't want to take a shit in an airplane lab. No, no. And he's like the chaired captain. Oh, this is a new lane. This is white guys who do martial arts in their apartment. They like to show you how fast they are. Oh, man.

Did the sweatpants pulled out? Oh, it's the best. Did he speed up the footage? Do you think? 01:37:00,400 --> 01:37:01,040 Yes. They cheat. They speed up the footage.

He's trying to make you think that he's like a superhero. Now, what's interesting about this one, it looks to be a foreign one because those water bottles look European. No, this is 1,000 percent foreign. Yeah. Yeah. I would say Eastern European, yeah? Could be.

There's a lot of places this could be. I recognize that water bottle. It's not in the US of A. I'll tell you that. I was almost kidnapped and quick thinking saved my life. So back during 2020, I was taking a lot of long walks because we were in lockdown. And like a moron, I had the same pattern. I walked the same route every day.

Well, in one afternoon, I was walking the isolated highway out here by my house. There were cornfields on either side of the highway and no houses anywhere for at least a solid mile. As I'm walking, I hear a car coming up behind me. So I step aside to let the car pass so that I can carry on. This car, he does drive past me, but only about 10 yards and then stops right in front of me.

And so I immediately stop walking and I watch him and I'm like, what is he doing? And this black sedan is just sitting there about 10 yards in front of me waiting for me to walk past it. And let me tell you a fear came over me that I cannot explain and I have never had before or since then. That fear that tells you something is very wrong. I continue to stand there.

I don't walk past the car because something tells me if I try to walk past that car, he's going to open that door and try to take me. So I'm standing there. I'm waiting it out. And this guy, I see the reverse lights flash, which means he put his car in park. The man put his car in park

and was now looking at me through the driver's side mirror. It's just me and him. There is nobody. If I scream, nobody is going to hear me. There's fields on either side. There's nowhere I can run except backwards. So I think fast. I don't have pepper spray.

I don't have my pistol on me, but I do have my phone. So I grab my phone and I immediately just act like I'm calling 911. I didn't actually dial 911 because I'm out in the middle of nowhere. Whatever is about to happen is going to happen in seconds and no cop is going to get to me in time. But I wanted this guy to think that I was talking to the police. And it seemed to work.

As soon as I pulled my phone out and started acting like I was talking, the reverse lights go back. He puts the car in drive and he takes off. At this point, I actually call my best friend, Kevin, who lives about a mile down the road. How's Kevin doing? He answers the phone, thank God. And I said, Kevin, I'm in a situation.

There's a guy that I think is getting ready to take me. I need you to get here. I need you to get here now. This is where I'm at. Kevin doesn't even put shoes on or anything. He grabs his keys. He jumps in his truck and he's like, all right, I'm on my way.

I'm coming to you. Stay on the phone with me. And y'all, something in me just knew, like even though that car drove away, he's coming back. And I'm just waiting and I'm watching for that car to have turned around and come back for me. And I'm waiting to see whose car I'm going to see first, this guy or my friend, Kevin,

who is going to show up and get me first. And thank God I see Kevin's truck around the corner first and I'll wave him and he flies over to me. And I jump in the truck and shut the door and we take off. But y'all, I kid you not, as we're taking off, we look in the rear view mirror and y'all, that sedan had turned around and it had come back. And I said, Kevin, that's the car.

That's the car. He came back and we're still driving away, but we're watching him in the rear view mirror. And y'all, he parks his car right where I was standing. He gets out of his car and we see him and he is looking for me. And that phone call to Kevin most likely saved my life. I don't know. I mean, that was super dramatic.

What if he just wanted directions? I think he might have been looking for what fell out of his window when he was, you know what I mean? Like he opened his window and something, he lost something, he dropped something. Yeah, this bitch is all hysterical. Jesus Christ. Yeah, she's like, mind to wish and save my life.

Okay. Yeah, I would have been like, hey, what's up? You know, I was looking for me. Yeah. You all right out here? That would have been me. That was so much. I don't know if I can continue.

I mean, that was, yeah, that was exhausting. I know that you like these kind of near kidnapping murder stories. I just thought it might make you sexually aroused or I don't know what I had to do. That's what I'm saying. I'm ready to come. Yeah. He's got a bus tonight.

Yeah. All right. Hell yeah. It's a cool story. That's a great story. I just thought you like to hear a nice bedtime tale. That is fantastic. Let's, so for you and the podcast, let's remind everybody

everywhere they can see you. Oh, yes. The viral podcast. I have a podcast called The Viral Podcast with my best friend Paige Jen. We answer crazy caller questions. And then I'm going on tour, man. I'll be out for two months.

You can get your tickets at eatmytrash.com. That's a great website. That's a real website. You got that website. Yeah, I got it. Eatmytrash. OnlyFans is at trailer trash, Tammy. Yep.

YouTube channel is Chelsea Lynn. Yep. Patreon is Chelsea Lynn. And the tour is two fingers and a 12 pack. You like that? That's awesome. Thank you. I couldn't thank him anything.

And I was like, ah. No, you thought of it. Two fingers and a 12 pack. That was awesome. You know, come to party. Yeah. Hell yeah. Well, I'm so happy you came in.

Thank you so much for coming to Austin to be on the show. 01:41:42,400 --> 01:41:43,600 We love you so much. Thank you all for having me. Yeah, it's so great to see you. I'm so much fun to see you. I'm sorry we didn't get to get into Garth, but I'm glad you wore a shirt.

I just wanted to dress up. That's it. We can get into him next time. Absolutely. Come on. Yeah. Thanks for coming. Thank you.

Bye, guys. Bye, sweetie. Why isn't the government talking about how to spritain scale labor? Why isn't the infrastructure minister talking about how to implement infrastructure funds and get construction workers back to working Alberta? Why does this government treat Alberta like a fart in the room that nobody wants to talk about or acknowledge?

We watched what happened. Fart, fart, fart, fart. I watched what happened. Fart, fart, fart, fart. We watched what happened. Fart, fart, fart, fart. Oh, and by the way, constituents. Oh, and by the way, constituents.