Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - What's Up With Your Face? w/ Ari Shaffir and Adrienne Iapalucci | YMH Ep. 785

Episode Date: November 13, 2024

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/momshouse Visit https://bluechew.com with promo code YMH to receive your first month FREE. Go to https://HelixSleep.com/YMH to get 25% off Sitewide + 2 FREE Dream Pillows with any mattress purchase and FREE Bedding Bundle with any Luxe or Elite mattress order. Head to http://acorns.com/YMH or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today! This week on Your Mom's House Podcast, Tom is joined by Ari Shaffir and comedian, Adrienne Iapalucci! The three of them discuss Adrienne's new special, which is produced by Ari and directed by Louis C.K. They then segue to Andrew Dice Clay's Instagram, before Tom opens the show with a clip of the double soul shaman doing some business on the toilet. Ari also explains what's been going on with his face and Tom formally introduces the two guests to the shaman through some of his much more popular clips. The trio also talk about New York City crowds, enjoying life, the bugs out in Texas, scammers, Ari's naked body, and all kinds of cute stuff. Plus Tom plays an extended game of Horrible or Hilarious as well. Go check it out! Your Mom’s House Ep. 785 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tickets are available now for my November and December shows. November 27th, I am at the Hollywood Florida Seminole Hard Rock. November 29th, I'm in Tallahassee at the Donald L. Tucker Civic Center. December 7th, I'm in Nolens at the Lakefront Arena. And December 8th, I'm in Pensacola at the Pensacola Bay Center. Tickets are at tomscrow.com slash tour. I will see you there. I love a great deal as much as the next guy, but I'm not going to crawl through a bed

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at mintmobile.com slash mom. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speeds slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See MinMobile for details. Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. I am being joined by two great guests.

First, I have to say the return of the Big J, Ari Shafir, and with him celebrating the release of her new special, The Dark Queen, which is out now on Netflix. Check out Adrienne Appalucci, everybody. Give her a hand. And of course, you can check out Ari's pod, You Be Trippin' every Monday. So anyway, fuck your stuff. Adrienne, congratulations. Oh my God, thank you. On your special.

You shot it at The Cellar in New York, directed by the one and only Louis CK. Yes, and produced by this guy. Produced by me. We cannot wait for this, for the anger to come. Is a lot of anger coming? Off the jokes, off Louis. Hopefully I'll get some, but I think I.

I think so, you will. Get someone even more divisive. Like shield me. That's awesome, this is exciting. Well they asked me to cut the first six minutes because they want them to get mad right away. They asked you to cut it? The first six minutes because they were like,

we just want you to get right to it. Right to it. The first six minutes was kind of like hi and some jokes about we want you to get right to it. Right to it. The first six minutes was kind of like, hi, and some jokes about our family. They were like, just go right to it. There was not jokes about my family at all. It's just, he's a fucking good guy. I have like no jokes about my family.

Yeah, yeah. But just, they got, they wanted it straight to fucking, like punching people in the mouth. I think so, yeah, because they were like, It's nice that they're not now like, hiding away from stuff. Right. Yeah. No, that's awesome I mean every you know, I've known who you are and it's from jokes that people really yeah, of course

Yeah, I mean your stuff definitely makes its way around Interesting. I never think anyone knows who I am. Oh absolutely, and yeah, it's it's exciting when somebody like you gets a shot like this, because that platform is still the craziest thing. I mean, Netflix is still the fucking granddaddy of them all. So that's awesome that you're gonna be there.

I'm excited. I hope people are upset. I hope some people like it, but I hope you know. Let me tell you something. They are gonna be. I know they're gonna be, but I hope you know. Let me tell you something. They are gonna get it. I know they're gonna get it. I've experienced rage and outrage, and it is coming.

You're gonna get it. But here's the thing. I think there's something about the fact that like, this is not, you're not some fucking 22 year old damsel in distress who's like, la la la, everything's fine, you know what you do. Nothing's fine.

You know, but like you know. So I think when it comes, you're gonna be like, oh look, it's here. Yeah, that was the point. Yeah, you're gonna see it. It's funny watching people walk out sometimes at the cellar and they'll be like, you're terrible. And she just goes, you're not wrong.

She's like, it's fine. The one taping that Louis wanted to do, he was like, we should do a show where nobody knows you're doing a special. And it was the worst show. Just like a regular cellar crowd, you just do it out. They had no idea I'm headlining and it's taping a special, so it's just regular people. And it was so bad.

That's how it was. It wouldn't leave. Yeah. And this was taped or no? This was like. We taped four of hilarious. It wouldn't leave. Yeah. And this was taped or no? This was like. We taped four of them. But that was one of them. Yeah, yeah, and that was the worst one.

Are you using that? Not at all. No, but it would be funny to put like the special next to that. Sure. Like, cause there's one, remember, Lou's like, there was one joke he did and someone was like, this is terrible.

And then I'm like. You can hear it there. Right, and then on the other show, someone was like, is terrible. Then I'm in here Someone's like here we go. It's just two different vibes. I mean it just shows you too because it's like, you know when people celebrate or or like Announce who they don't like sure and you kind of just go like yeah, dude This really is all subjective though This is yes because there are people who's their favorite favorite and they're adamant

and they're passionate about it comic is like, like a really clean comic and you go, yeah, that's who you like or they like somebody really, really dark. It just not for you or it is for you. Exactly, it's like going, I always thought it was like going to the movies. Like when you go to the movies,

you see 12 titles up for whatever, right? And it's like, well, the PG thing that you're like, I don go to the movies, you see 12 titles up for whatever, right? And it's like, well, you know the PG thing? That you're like, I don't wanna see that bullshit. It's like, yeah, that's not for you, but these other group of people wants to see it. And that's the same thing with standup. These British Indian people were outside after that show. And she was changing, getting ready for the next day.

And I just hear, I don't know why they stayed the whole show, but at the end, and they were just still out there talking. It goes, she deserves to be canceled. That's pretty awesome. I was like, agent, hold up upstairs one second. You don't wanna come up for this. Remember, Louis was like,

we should do all of them like that at first, and I was like, I'm not, like, that's not smart. Yeah. Like, I don't think that's gonna be a good idea. I also think that actually, like, as a one-off, that's kind of a fun experiment. Sure. But for the joy, part of the joy of performing is not, you know, you want people there that are having a good time.

Sure, yeah. For the most part, right? I mean, if I was like, here's the cool thing, you're gonna bomb, but like over and over it. You wanna do it? You're like, I mean, no. But we're gonna tape it also. And that's how the world will know you.

Yeah. It's like, I don't know yes. But we're gonna tape it also. Yeah, and that's how the world will know you. Yeah. It's like, I don't know. I'd like to have a good time. Sure, or at least little moments that aren't as good. Yes. But overall, yeah, but that show, I was like, I felt like I was tap dancing for retards. That's what I wanted to call this special,

because you're up there and you're like, these, like no matter, they just weren't into me. Because I think, like, so there's a couple types of shows that are the most fun. I think obviously like Superhot Crowd where you just murder, that's fun. Everyone has, no one turns that down. Sure.

But the other type of show that's kind of fun is when you go out there and you get some resistance, but they don't like, they don't go, I'm out, they just, and you get to like lean in to what you're doing more. And by you leaning in, they kind of break, like they just, and you kind of like win them over. Those are also very fun types of shows to do.

Yeah, I like that show better. I think it's a- I like that better, you're getting them to laugh at shit. They clearly don't wanna laugh at shit. Because here's the thing, you have to do. Yeah, I like that show better. I think it's a- I like that though, you're getting them to laugh at shit. They clearly don't wanna laugh at it. Because here's the thing, you have to be a little more in the moment for that. You are- Sure. You're more aware.

The last show I did was so killer like that, where I go, this is boring. Yeah, yeah. But the night before I was like, man, I'm really struggling. So it's like- That's fun. Yeah.

We saw when Louis came back and there was all this hatred hatred and like ideas around him You know like I want my money back if he's not there I don't feel safe like he's gonna run off the stage this fucking nose. Don't have a dick in here but like But like so there's this lady we see on security camera like this like so mad her husband boyfriends into it And then like five minutes in you remember this five minutes in she goes And then like six minutes in, you remember this? Five minutes in she goes. And then like six minutes in she's like.

Trying to be mad, and by the end she's just like, oh this guy's actually, this guy rules. She's just dying laughing. Yeah, people wanna be outraged. It'll be fun, I was just thinking for promo, to get like individual people in like a montage talking about how much they want you canceled or hate you. like individual people in like a montage talking about how much they want you canceled or hate you. That would be fun.

That'd be a very fun promo. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you do like some type of screening. Do like, hey, we're doing a screening. Yeah, like in an old age home. Sure.

Really get it. I feel like an old age home wouldn't even be that bad. Wouldn't be that bad. The cool thing would be if you screen it somewhere, but you offer, don't just say free screening, like you also, you get like the food and drink and like some type of, people love free show. You get this, some type of gift

and then people are like, okay, and they watch and then you just get to go like, what'd you think? What'd you think? And people say that shit like, she deserves to be consoled. That would be fun. That was so funny. That That was really funny and that lady did stay the whole show She stayed the whole show and then hung out afterwards for like 30 minutes. She was out there. I Think someone said they were like they really didn't like her or they really hated her. Yeah, I had a Fun one. I did my Australia tour on the last tour and on each, we toured most of the country.

There's a opening bit that I did that like, sometimes you would just hear, like what's going on? And then yelling, and they're yelling about, and walking out, yelling as they walk out because of how offended they were. And it made its way back to friends, I mean, I was sure they were texting me.

Like, dude, what's going on? But don't people know your comedy? Like, I'm not really known. So, I understand people coming and be like, oh, this is, they think they're coming to support a woman. Yeah. And they're like, upset. This is not the tech.

I thought this was gonna be a woman. This is not the tech person. This is a period joke. They're like, no. They're like, this is not what we thought. But I would think your fans know you. I think what happens is when you get into certain size rooms too, like when the room is big,

you get a bunch of people who are like you say, and then you just get people going, especially if you're overseas, they go, oh, there's like a touring comedy. I've heard this is good, and they just, good is what they think. They take a chance. Dice said he still gets people walking out of the room. Which is heard this is good. And they just good. They take a chance. I said he still gets people walking out of them, which is, and it's like they haven't done the research.

And I have said this by a million times. His Instagram is the funniest thing that I enjoy that so much that he's just like, people are just sitting there. He's like, big shot with your shirt off. And they just look, they're like, what? He's like big shot with your shirt off and they're like what? And they just look and they're like what? He's like you get in a tan? And they're like what? He's like your shirts off you get in a tan? And they're like I don't know man. I guess what? It's so fucking great. You want you're the one who wants the picture? Shot old school getting the tan. right all school like Brooklyn getting the tan the tan you Sun tan It's Smash Mouth comment on this I'll be here. Yeah, I'll be here

This shit dude, I can watch. He's just fucking with people's day and they don't get out of the point There is none. There's nothing funnier to me than like somebody going like, do you want an autograph? And you're like, what? I don't even know who you are. Like an autograph. Were you the one? You want the picture with me? And he's like, they're like, I don't know. I don't know who you are.

Yeah, they're just talking to somebody. It's fucking, so funny, dude. You want to weigh in with the James Addiction thing, the video? Was it real did you see him because the whole notes thing is all but they don't even talk about them there's also something so fucking amazing about how New Yorkers handle like a crazy person. Ignore.

Hard ignore. Ignore is like, it's built into you guys, you know, because you've just, your whole, you don't even realize how many people have done this to you because you're just so used to it. Whereas when you do it, like if you did it like here, someone would be like, they would live with this story. This fucking person came up to me today, you know? And like, but you guys have just it all the time.

I had somebody at the store. I was going back after living in New York for like five years at the patio and some guy goes, some black guy goes, he asked me for a dime. I was like, no, man, no. A dime? Yeah, he's like, you got a dime, meaning like you have any money.

No. And I was like, no. And he's like, really? And I'm like, come on, man. And he goes, you can't just give me the time? And I was like, oh, I thought you wanted money. And he was just like, yeah, I'm not that, what? I'm not that kind of black guy.

I'm just some dude who wants to know what time it is. I just don't know if I'm late right now, you fucking Jew. Jesus. It's weird to ask for a dime though. No one says that. Well, he said, do you have the time? I had to ask for a dime though, no one says that. Well he said do you have the time? I had a friend of a person ask me for $50. $50?

I was like that's crazy. That's a big ass. And he was like how about five? And I was like still no. No. I love their plans, they're like I'm gonna change the game. Starting hot though. It got my attention though.

Yeah. 50. Hey man, you got 50 bucks? It's a wild ask. Yeah. What do you need it for? I mean I do, I do. I do.

I have a 50. It'd be perfect. It's exactly what you need. If there's one money investing tip I wish I would have known ages ago, it's to start early, no matter where you are financially. Start investing early. Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing for your future. You don't need a lot of money or expertise to invest with Acorns.

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view important disclosures at acorns.com slash YMH. People are saying to me, Christina, you look so rested. You look like you're glowing. What is your secret? Well, I'll tell you, it's a helix mattress. That's right. I've been sleeping on a helix mattress. It's so simple.

I went to their website. I filled out a quiz. They ask you things like, are you a side sleeper? Do you sleep on your back? I am a side sleeper and this Helix mattress is so soft and lovely and perfect for me. It cannot be beat. I love it. They have cooling mattress covers for hot sleepers, which I am, and extra memory foam padding for side sleepers like myself. I could not recommend this more. In a Westboro sleep study, participants reported having more sleep and many participants reported

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It's great. Oh wait, I should play our opening clip. Sorry. Let me see if... You might want to put your headphones on for these. You put cans on? Do you mind? Cans? Whoa. Industry term. Right? It's a big industry term. You're in show business. I get it. I ended up having a little too much

kefir. Sometimes I get addicted to it. So... Oh! It's coming out the other end, baby. Oh! get addicted to it so oh let's see what yeah it's actually not too bad I got more for him just one second I'm gonna give you some words what's the patch what Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina Pujitsch. Welcome to your mom's house. Do you recognize him?

No. Why does he have a patch that he's not using? Is that for later? That eye looks a little infected. So... How long does this theme song go on for? Like two minutes. Oh, okay. It's just a guitar solo? Yeah. I can't believe how many people don't know this. It's fucking upsetting. This is incredibly long. This shouldn't be this long.

Exactly. Why are you doing it this long? It's over so long ago. There's nothing even added. You're just doing new of the same. It's a repeat of it, yeah. It's infuriating. It's exactly what we did. It's done, it was done right away. Yeah, I know.

And I mean, this is like a mislead to begin with, you think you're in a sketch and it's just part of the opening? Yeah, pretty cool. No, that's awful. Why was that allowed? Head should roll. There's a... Ugh, it's unsettling.

This is big time! No, Isaiah! Okay. This is acapella version. Don't bring anyone's mother into this. Your mama in the fucking stands! Welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Tom Segura.

And Christina Pashitsky. Christina Pashitsky. Too long! Yes, long. To your mom's house. Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina,

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Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, Christina, What is this? It was for the elections. I want it togetherness. For the elections? Yeah, I want people being separated. So I think half the country was just put at the Mississippi.

Who are you voting for? What? Who are you voting for? Overthrow 2024. Fuck yeah, anarchy. Yeah. It's totally Ari style. Yeah, I went to Cuba for the election.

Really? Yeah, me and Bobby Kelly. Have you been to Havana? No, have you? I've been to Gitmo. Oh, so like, yeah, Bobby Kelly. Have you been to Havana? No, have you? I've been to Gitmo. Oh so like Yeah, I got info. Give this Haji the business. Yeah, he's gonna torture chambers I probably could have they were so stoked when I was there. Did you really go there? USO? I went to do shows. Yeah But they were just I'm sure if I'm like, can I hit'd be like, yeah, of course that's the thing to do here

It's like so cool that you're here You want to kick somebody? Minimum they've been associated with someone at the terrorist. Yeah, I would like to talk to them. Yeah Just get a plane right so like I have to Do you have a zero reference for where it is? I assume it's south. Take a, how far do you think it is? Cause this is interesting. From where? From here?

Just, well, how far? Just describe where it is. Yeah, just describe. I think Florida's here and then it's like around there. That's pretty good. Okay. That's pretty good. You did it, actually, you're right.

I did it. Yeah, it's about 90 miles. Oh, I didn't know it was that close. Yeah. You could swim it. We could're right. I did it. Yeah, it's about 90 miles. Oh, I didn't know it was that close. Yeah. You could swim it. You could swim it. And where's Chile? We already went over this.

South America. Hey! Where did you think before we discussed where it was? Somewhere brown. Somewhere brown, it is. In the south. Here's the thing, they have a pretty, they have a lot of whites, the Chileans.

Disgusting. Yeah. I'd be upset if I went there and there was white people. Oh really? Yeah. Oh yeah, the more prideful, arrogant nations in South America are Chile and Argentina, and it's because they have so many whites. I think they're better.

Of course. I thought Argentina, but I wouldn't think Chile. I thought Chile was like Mexico No Chile will see Chile had a really a big economic boom like 20 25 years ago and So they have like their downtown is like it looks like a very cosmopolitan and sometimes Chile Santiago. Yeah Podcast boom but they they have money they have money, they had a real money swing, even though it's not as good now. Where they get money from?

Maybe I will go there. From that huge. Oil? I forget what the source was. Damn, it looks nice. Yeah, it's very nice. Wow. You've been. I've been, yeah.

Should you do your Latin American tour yet? I did a show there. In Spanish? The way that I did it, I did the hour, and then I would close on like 20 to 30 minutes of a Spanish it I Didn't want to advertise it as such you get more people. They said doing What they're like if they know you they know you as an English-speaking. Yeah so Right. Yeah. Yeah, so they'd be like wait. What why is he coming to do that?

Anyway, it was great. Now this guy wanted to show you. Okay. That reminds me a lot of you in this episode of what does the wild naked man drink? I'm going to fill this beautiful. Great. I love it. Jar with my smart big opening. That's something that'll get a lot of people. Small opening after some amazing working out or going for a run or pumping some iron. Mike technique is great. It's usually after some amazing working out or going for a run or pumping some iron. The mic technique is great. It's good, right? It's a form of biofeedback and it's a form of self-love.

Oh, come on, dude. I can see you doing this. Come on. Come on. Come on what? Come on, don't drink it. You don't want to feel that? You gotta run through a Brita first or something. I don't know man

He drinks us all the time. No wonder the yogis those feet for over 5,000 years. That's a lot of piss. Yeah Everything oh for us like injecting heavy metals and aborted fetal cells read it It's so calm. It's so calm made to seem good and everything That's good for us like drinking your piss is made to seem bad. We that's good for us, like drinking your piss, is made to seem bad. We live in an inverted clown world. Pause for a second. I don't believe it's piss. He didn't show us.

He didn't show us. He didn't show us. And there's a lot coming out. Yeah. There's no, he didn't seem like it's too hot or warm. But also like, anything that's bad for us, and he said what, like shooting us up with aborted baby fetus?

Yeah. As if that's just a casual thing everyone does. Everyone does that. Yeah. He does. In my live workshops, we do a beautiful cock exercise. And this is actually inspired by a guy named Darius Bichard. I hope they run trades.

What, what three different dicks. They are different. Yeah. They all look the same to me. God, I hope an alligator runs out of there and just eats one off See that you love your penis. I do. I feel like you have a pretty high self-esteem. You have a good self-esteem Please don't touch dicks. Oh, I hope they do. Adrian's gonna get her wish pretty soon I do. It's a pretty deep breath. Adrian's gonna get her wish pretty soon.

Oh, I mean. It's appreciating their dick, because in Chinese medicine, the dick is the outermost extension of your heart. Oh, come on. Wait, how come the other guy's not in there? He's rubbing it back and forth in their leg. Beautiful.

I think the most upsetting part of this would be like if we were doing this, just know that the head of your dick was on my thigh, I'd be like, god damn it, I know it's there, I can't ignore it. No way. No way, says the guy that took a shit on stage. Okay, let's do it, you're right. Let's go, Tom.

No, no, no, no, stop, stop, stop. Why did you shit on stage? What? I feel like this is such a- Because what else can he do? Yeah, exactly. There's like, next year you're gonna have to- You had to shit?

I was having to take a shit. I was on antibiotics. And how many people are in the room while you shit? 100, 120, 150. Was it a healthy shit? It looked like elephant round, like it was huge. It was huge? A lot of people were saying it was extremely bloody,

but I say less bloody than normal. Oh. I say a moderate bloody than normal. Oh. I say a moderate level of blood. Oh, wiping? No wiping? What? No wiping? I wiped and threw it in the audience.

That wasn't the plan, but once I had wiped and I had a wipe, I was like, oh now, it's like when there's a gun in a scene, you know? You can't take the gun out. You always notice there's a gun. What is wrong with him? His shits are really, he showed me a picture once it looks like strawberry chocolate cake or something spicy gummy bears you've seen you've seen the the hemorrhoid I don't

think I've seen your hemorrhoid it's not out right now thank god I've never seen a video of it I don't think so. Can you find it? Of course they can find it. I mean he showed me like his ass tampons. And I'd have to be like, don't put that on me. Don't put that on me. A normal thing to say to a friend.

Sure. Don't put your ass tampon on me. I would have eventually. We're friends enough where it's like, you would have got it. Would you go to one of his clinics? This part would be hard yeah Would you be tough?

No, how is this part of self-love this is just gay this whole thing no There's a movie like oh no there's a movie where the guys like sucking his own dick that's not that good just just in a cup and drink it what is this guy's deal well here listen he says something important here Like my dog gets a treat Enjoying the taste of it. I'm shameless. I'm fearless. I'm doubtless. There you go. Oh, is this Lena Dunham? Yeah, I mean he's a Jew too. If he really loved himself, he would suck his own dick though. Yeah. He's trying.

He's definitely trying. But he's not. But he's not. He's not. If he really loved himself. If I met him, that's what I would tell him. That you, what? If you really loved yourself, you'd suck your own dick.

Get some of your ribs taken out. Yeah. These guys come your ribs taken out. Yeah. These guys come to you? No. He came here, he came in the studio. Was he naked? He tried to, and we were like, no. So he did in his underwear.

What do you mean, jizz in his underwear? No, he didn't jizz, he just did the show. Oh, he did the show in his underwear. Yeah, but he was like, can I be naked? And we were like, I don't think so. I'd rather not. There's nice ladies at work here. Yeah.

I'm surprised your staff hasn't seen something. I'm surprised I haven't stepped over a line yet here. You? Yeah. Let's keep it like that. I'm trying, but no, no, no. You don't get to shake your head no. It's just for the girls.

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So, cause he's... The fact that you don't have a jar of his cum thing when he comes on your podcast? What is he talking about? So because he's... The fact that you don't have a jar of his cum is a shortcoming on your part. He, you know, the first thing we saw before even, I don't know if we saw a piss first, it was like he would do this kind of stuff, you know, like... So I just went for a run, did some workouts, some pushups. I'm just pulling back my foreskin and I'm just waving my hummus cannon around that shroom I'm sniffing there's a very subtle pheromonal primal secretion of apocrine pheromones underneath the foreskin and from the sides of the glands and the what's it called the

scrotal sac and it's really interesting because a possible second Sparta the men were constantly working out with their foreskins forward Up he sounds scientific though. He does and like in this one right here Like he was citing such specifics We would we would play it till and kind of enjoy it and then when we were in here with him Yeah, I was like this thing like And then when we were in here with him, I was like this thing like so cute and funny and kind of annoying That so many modern mens work leaders base their branding off of like spartan culture and they call it the modern warrior Journal or you know, we're the we're the samurai brotherhood

You know They never do ball cupping rituals. They never see each other's cocks. That is crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. So this was like the, how we discovered them. These modern men are doing this. These videos, we were like, this is hilarious. Does he still, does he go home for Thanksgiving?

He does. So when he was, he's very sincere. He's a very sincere guy. Like when he's, when he's out here,'s out, you could tell that like he really means this stuff. And I was like, you know, I think he's used to the reaction that we all have to it. And he just goes on. I mean, he's- When really they could be leeching good,

high vibrational brotherhood vibrations into each other's ball sacks through cupping, which is exactly what the Spartans did. You know know if you claim to be like a Spartan samurai brotherhood It's like the samurai were sniffing each other's balls Yeah, but you'd never hear this Skin I saw the entire run of the show Shogun and that never no up. No, you missed it. You didn't, it was episode three.

Oh really? Yeah, there's a lot of that in there. Does this guy have like a job? I think he has an OnlyFans. I would love for this guy to be in the workplace. I know. Yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom real quick and make a video.

And I think because he's in Canada, when the person goes, I don't feel comfortable with this as my co-worker in Canada They'd be like, you know what you're fired for complaining about them. So right there. They're never gonna We need to normalize jizzing in our own faces. Yeah, why are we making this such why are you being such a fucking? So backwards so sensitive about it, man. I'd never want that guy to drink out of any of my cups cups. Shh. We're like, please don't touch any of my stuff.

What did you have your mouth on? Don't use my spoon. No wait, you're New Yorker through and through, right? Mm-hmm. Where did you grow up in New York? In the Bronx. In the Bronx. Mm-hmm.

And did you start just going to mics like people do in the city, or how did you start? My mom was doing stand-up. What? Yeah. Yeah. Really? She did stand up on and off throughout like my life and then she took me to open mic.

No shit, how old were you? 26. Okay. Oh, I pictured you as like when Homer took his kid to the bar. Did your mom still do stand up? Yes. Really?

Yeah, she was on Fallon. What? They had like Nana week or something, so she got in as like a grandmom. Did she stand up? What? Yeah. I've never been on Fallon.

Yeah. Recently? During the pandemic. Yeah, it's not that long ago. Yeah, a couple years ago. What did your mom go by? What do you mean what did she go by? What's her name?

Name, name. Ugh. Mama. Ugh. Uh, Debbie Baza. Do you not wanna say it? Do you not wanna talk about it? No, I mean, we already just did.

I don't care. What? But that's, so like, do you get to have, you know, the best part of this shit is like comic conversations, right? Sure, but my mom will this shit is like comic conversations, right? Sure, but my mom will be jealous like a comic. I remember I got something one time,

she was like, how did you get that? Your own mom. My own mom, yeah. Hilarious, so what'd you think of your special coming up? Good for you. No, she was happy for me. That's good. She was happy for me.

Yeah. What. Did she ever give you advice on how to write a joke? No. I'm assuming you have very different styles. We do but you know what's funny? My mom is actually pretty dirty. I'm not really dirty, I'm more dark but my mom is like kind of dirty. She'll do a lot of like the urban rooms and she's like a dirtier comic. No shit. Yeah. That's unbelievable. Yeah. And so she's been at it for a long time. Yeah, but she takes breaks. Yeah.

You know. Like year long breaks? And how long have you been at it now? 20 years. 20 years. Fucking A. Long time, yeah. She's like a ghost holtsman.

Yeah. Then without the anger, but like, great or terrible, if the crowd decides no, it's just gonna be no. Yeah, but I mean, I'm not saying like. Yeah, but when they're into it though, it's like. Sure, I seen him at Skang Fest. Holtzman. Yeah.

And he was saying something to me about Josh Adam Myers, and he was like, I didn't know he sings. And I was like, stop your bullshiting or you're fucking with me. Really? Yeah. He was? Yes, he was like, oh, I never knew he did that. Did you know that he does the singing thing?

That was like, he was doing a bit on you? Kind of, I think I was like, Brian, stop. He started laughing. He's like, I didn't know he did that. That guy's voice is fucking unbelievable though. Have you ever like. Josh? Yeah, the first time I was in a room and he was like, they're like, he's gonna sing.

I was like, he's gonna sing. Yeah. And then he started singing and I was like, holy shit. He goes on it so hard. He does have a good voice. Yeah. He commits to. Did you always do dark?

Kind of. Really? Yeah. Early on? Kind of. Really? Yeah. Early on? Kind of. Did you, how, cause I mean 20, the thing is 20, you can't fake over 10, 20 years have gone by, like it just has to.

Sure. So like when you know an audience, for instance, is not on board now, it's something you're familiar with, right? Like you go like, oh, this feels familiar. But like when you're coming up and you're not yet, know what you're dealing with, was it shell shock? No, I knew pretty early on it was not for everyone.

I mean, I keep getting booked at charity shows and I'm like, hey, I don't think I'm gonna be right for this. And I keep getting taken off stage at the charity show. You get removed a lot? Two charity shows that I've done and I'm like, hey, I don't think I'm right for this. I tell them ahead of time. And then they're like, no.

And then I get stopped in the middle of my set and taken off stage. How does this happen? They're just having a good time raising money. The first time I was upset by it and then the second time I was just like, this is not the first time I've gotten kicked off stage. That's very funny.

What was the one for the benefit for the rich people? Oh my God, so I did this charity in Row 8 in Connecticut, which is just like rich people. And it was a charity for helping poor kids or something. Yeah, they suck. You know, they look to do that. Yeah. Towel's available online right now.

But they were like a very fun crowd. The girl before me did a joke. I go on stage, I'm like killing, and then I did a joke about like rich people having sex with kids on boats. And I lost half the crowd. And then I got taken off stage. Because I did-

Does somebody actually walk up? So somebody's, the guy that like introduced us all came on stage, he was like, all right, you gotta get off stage. I was like, all right. So I got off stage. I guess I did actually walk up to somebody's. The guy that like introduced us all came on stage. He's like, all right, you got to get off stage. I was like, all right. So I got off stage. I'm not going to fight. I'll never fight. I'm like, I don't care. So I get taken off stage and I'm

like, I don't know what happened because I was like killing, you know, and I understand from bombing the whole time. Yeah. So I was like, I don't know what happens. So this lady comes up to me. She's like, you probably don't know this, but there's a pretty

famous file in the community who is like abusing kids. I was like, why would I know that? On boats. Yes. And so I Googled him. It was like someone that worked at CNN or something. There's a picture of him in front of his yacht. So they're like, you must be talking about Bob.

So his wife was there. Oh, there you go. Yeah. And she like gave the look to this guy and then they took me off stage. I had a show once that actually did, it wasn't like, they did do a charity donation in it, but I made a joke about,

I'm trying to phrase it the right way. Yeah, you gotta rethink how to say it. Yeah, I'm trying to. To a different audience. Yeah, about how when it's, some sexual things can happen to you that you'll get over. That was the premise of it. Sure.

Like it's bad, but essentially what I said, I was like, it's not that bad. Like you'll get over it. And this woman stood up and she goes, no. And I was like, what? And she goes, leave. Leave. Leave, and she goes, no. And I was like, what? And she goes, leave. Leave. Leave, and I go, no.

So. Can I make a guess? Yeah. White lady? Yes. Okay, go ahead. See, she walks towards the stage and I was like, no. And then she just makes a, she's walking forward

and then she makes a right and she kicks open the exit door, which is over here, kicks it, double doors, boom. And I was like, all right. And I went back, everybody's uneasy. This is like a 300 person room. So I get off stage and I was like, I walked backstage and someone grabs me and they're like,

look man, that was really funny. But she's backstage right now. She knew she'd be waiting. And I was like, she's backstage. Why would you let her backstage? She is the friend of one of the other comics' wives, his wife. And they're just trying to consult her. Just trying to tell her how this stuff works,

like how comedy, I'm like, what? If you go back there, it's gonna be a fight. He's like, if you go back there, this is gonna be, I go, that's fine, I'm fine. I just go, I'm leaving. So I just went out the other door and I just went to the store and I ran the exact same set that I had just done there.

Fine. Great. It was great. Yeah, it was great. It's crazy how one person can turn a queer room. And then people emailed me. Well, it's funny that that show is like the young people were like, we liked you. We didn't think you should be taken off stage. They were mad. So the next comment goes on. It's like the whole show is stopped now. Yeah. There's like a 20 minute stop.

How about don't have your husband fuck kids? I know that seems like the bigger issue. It should be more mad at him, but only a little bit. It should be. Yes. That's fucking crazy. It was.

Yeah. And then my friend goes on after he's like, I want to address what happened. And I'm like, oh. And then half the people are clapping for me because he's like, she's still in the room. It was so weird Never stops you ever have like a traumatic one like you were shell-shocked by it

Not really shell-shocked Sometimes I mean like I remember just early on not like, you know If you do like a few shows and they go like fairly well then you're like I think this is like as bad as it can go right like you're just like and then oh man doing I did one of those like cat club shows like on sunset you know it's like 50 people in this room. I don't remember the joke, but just people going like, wah wah, like you're like. Oh.

Oh. Yeah, and you're, or like, oh good one, like those things where you're like, damn. That's how you, how do you even go on? And it's like, like I feel, you know, you get, I can remember just feeling stunned, just being like, I didn't know people do that. You know, it's like the first time that happens. I mean, this is like year one, year two. Sure, yeah. But you're still like, I didn't know people do that. You know, it's like the first time that happens.

I mean, this is like year one, year two. But you're still like, I didn't know people actually, like I would never do that. Wasn't that more of a New York thing? Where there are people who come to fuck up shows at clubs? I remember going up to like, somewhere in Harlem, they had like an urban show and they let new comics go up. And then if they don't like you, I think there was like a gong or something.

And it was like, there was old picnic. It was so weird. They had all inside furni- like outside furniture inside, like plastic chairs and picnic table tops. I remember I was dating a guy at the time and he, him and the other guy came with both. They were like, you gotta get off stage.

And I did it and I didn't, I did okay. I didn't like get that both, they were like, you gotta get off stage. And I did it and I didn't, I did okay, I didn't like get that, but I was like, that's weird. It's weird to just be in that situation where they're like, nope, next. Nope. Yeah. Urban Rooms are for black comics

and super bad white comics. That's very funny. Cause like, I can see that. If you develop your act there, as a white guy, you're just developing all these like weird instincts that like are not gonna apply to most of the rooms you're gonna end up doing basically.

Yeah, there's almost no club where you're like, DJ play that. The sound guy you mean, not a DJ. Like the black club move of like, Hey man, when I get up, play this bullshit, all right. And then they get up and they're like, Hey man, what kind of shit was that? You're like, you asked him to play that. That's your joke.

Cut that shit off, man. Ain't nobody trying to listen to fucking Justin Bieber. Okay. One time I did a show and a guy was pretending he was in a coffin on stage. And then they played the music and he was like, this is what it would be like when you get to heaven and then plays the music, he gets out of the coffin, he's dancing and then I think I went up right after him.

Killer set. No, no, I ate it hard. I went up last, I'm kinda like dry deadpan a bit. It was through the black room, there's every TV on. It was someone's birthday, they had a cake everyone's eating, and I just bought, and I waited for like three hours. Of course. Yeah.

We used to do these LA shows that were like ambush shows. Like you didn't realize, they're like, hey, you want to get up tonight? Go to like fucking, you know, Monelli's, whatever. And you're like, okay, and it's an Italian restaurant. And then you realize, oh, people are just there having dinner. Yeah, they don't know're it's an Italian restaurant and then you realize oh people are just they're having dinner Yeah, they didn't go to a show and then they're like is stand-up time and you're like This to people yeah, they're right. It's the only thing their audience is right I'm on a date. Yeah, right and also it's not just like some setup punchlines

It's like really horrible things really horrible. Yeah, you're not in the mood for it and they're like, you know what? I'm gonna have the tortellini to go. This has been enough for me. Thank you One of the first times I got on stage naked was at the UCB And Brody was like a deathly I think even Malik so he was like, hey don't do that shit around me Which is just like listen, I've grown but at the time it was like I'm definitely doing it to you. Yeah, and which is just like, listen, I've grown, but at the time it was like, I'm definitely doing it to you. Yeah.

And so I took my, I took a tear away pants and then I just went off on stage with Brody, but Brody's also addicted to the spotlight. Yeah. So he wanted to be out of there from homophobia, but also he needed to be on stage. So we're like kind of wrestling for space. This is where you like walk,

you walked and like turned and like, is that, you know what I mean? Like, I feel like you, I saw this thing where you walked out And then just turned and then walked back. I don't know. I don't know if that's the one I do that sometimes You've done it so many times. What are we talking about? Sorry, but this is up there and then and then afterwards Kindler goes up and I mean they don't get dicks out at the UCL killer just goes cancer my order of portobello mushrooms. That's great. That's fucking great. What is this?

Okay. That's cool. Whoa! Somebody rammed him? Yeah. He got up. That guy did. His leg got in the way. He's like, let's go!

Forget the bike. Is this the first time you've been run over at a bike during a getaway? Act like you've been there before. Take your helmet off. There it is. They did a good job. Oh lose the helmet. Did they run like not athletic people that was rad I think this might be in Chile. What was what was who do we know the context on that? Do we know where that is? Is that in Latin America?

Sure felt like a Latin America move you want to get rid of that helmet he knew is gonna have to buy another one Maryland yo There's the Middle East He didn't want to get rid of that helmet. He knew he was going to have to buy another one. It says Maryland. Yo, Maryland. Maryland? I thought that was the Middle East. I wasn't wearing a Maryland shirt. I don't know, Maryland can be pretty rough. It can, depending on where. Yeah, it depends where.

Parts of Balmore. Fuck. Yeah, where Sickler's from is like, I was never allowed to go there. Really? Yeah, like, no. If there was like a party there, no. No.

And that was his upbringing. Yeah Yeah in the city or the county Yeah, his little area where he was it was just it was for trash. Yeah There's no reason we have a 7-eleven here Literally no reason to go there. I think there's another what is it? Here's another one. I got all that already, baby. Leave me alone. I didn't do nothing. You hit my car. I didn't hit your car. You hit my car. No, I did not. That's Marilyn.

I'm telling you, don't play with me. No, I didn't hit anything. Which, taking her plate. What? What? That was smart, actually. She was already taking it off. And look at the smoke coming off of the.

All that. She definitely hit something. Yeah, the airbags came. Oh my god. I didn't hit nothing. That's amazing. Police already got you. All that.

I feel like it's such a chick move to. To take your license plate off? No, to react the way, like. I didn't do nothing. I didn't do any fucking thing and like all frantic and like. And it's like, it's not even like a borderline lie. No. Your car is caved in.

Yeah, you hit something very hard. acts out. It's that specific accent Let me hear again. It's like a certain kind of white trash Her mouse crooked yo, she's hard nips. Oh, she's she's worked up over this guy. I know Nips too. Yeah. Oh, she's worked up over this guy. I know. She should just offer to fuck him. It's a stimulating experience for sure.

Maybe that's how she gets off, she has to hit someone's car. Do you like that mid-Atlantic accent? Oh. Oh, no. It's on, that shit. I like for a second, but then if I'm talking to them, like, oh, I don't wanna be in this conversation.

It's a sign of like, you shouldn't be this close to someone. Yeah. Oh, say can you see Those are Orioles games. By the dawn's early white That's not it. It sounds like it is.

You just went to baby. That's a fucking mid-Atlantic, dude. Yeah, it's Delmarva. Oh, it's Shore, going into Shore. No effects, it's like, you can hear it. Oh. Oh! She's getting up.

I thought she might be dead. She's not. She might still be, though. That's a big fall, man. What, where did she come from? From a balcony. Like that's under a building. Oh, she's not getting up.

Man, she must be rich. I mean, who goes... She didn't even try... Is she laughing? I don't think so. I think she's like, what the fuck? Wait. Look how hard she falls, dude.

She falls hard, the bounce. Oh! Yeah, that's a big fall. Wow, she bounced. She dented the ground pretty hard, man. Fix your divot, that's what I said. Yeah, that's rude not to. Yeah, man. Fix your divot. That's what I said. Yeah. That's rude not to.

Yeah. Hopefully she has a divot repair tool. No, not a train. Oh! Ooh. It's not the electrician that kills you. It's the fall. Is it a head fall?

Wow. Was he fixing something or trying to kill himself? I don't. That's a very good question. Yeah, that's a good question. And that might be the name of this segment from now on. Fixing or killing yourself. Are you fixing something or trying to kill yourself? I don't that's a very good question. Yeah, that's a question and that might be the name of this segment from now fixing Look at all the people on the train to just like

He climbed onto the train station at the what is this on to the train station at the, what is this? Uh, Liberty one station. I don't know where that is and grabbed a current collector through a rag. Oh, it's in Russia. Oh, he thought he was holding at the rag. That'll stop. He survived. Uh, he went two days, uh, unconscious and intensive care.

The current went through his heart. Uh, he eventually came to broken neck burns and bruises. Yeah. Broken neck from the fall. Yeah. Ooh. What was he doing? I mean, he was, I think, trying to fix something. He was trying to fix something or kill him. I mean, he had the rag. So it's like, if you're fucking.

You wouldn't have the rag if you were trying to kill yourself. That's what I think. You would lick your hands and do it. He's like, I got it. You know, they were like, Hey, the train's not moving. He's like, wait, but did he work there? He's probably just late for work. He's just a fucking arrogant guy. He was Hey, the train's not moving. He's like, wait, but did he work there? He's probably just late for work. He was like, oh, I can arrogant guy. It was like the train's not working. Fix this.

Putin's grand. Back. Everyone knows who's grandson's not working. He's not working, but he's like, Oh, I've seen her. I've seen her. I've seen her. What, what is happening? She's mad.

She's on film. Yeah. Oh, you don't want to let her get a hold of you. This is like when Burt's coming at you. You gotta gas him. You gotta gas him and then this Whoo Homeless guy That guy just saved that other person he did And he did it like in a moment. It was like an angel. He saw her coming and he goes not today

This is like an orcas defend seals against killer whales or whatever, or against sharks. Yes. That is so true. Yeah. He just was like, nah, you don't need to be around her. Fucking, those tits were something, huh? I do wonder where she lost the bra.

Like at some point she probably had a bra. But do you, I mean she probably stopped wearing it a long time ago. What, she didn't have back pain like everybody No, it's just like she just she's just homeless for a long time. It's just turned by I mean look at this She's waiting. Oh my god leaves of that shirt. Yeah, the bra has not been in her vocabulary I'm with them. Sorry. I'll fuck you up. Look at this guy. He's so happy. He's so happy to do this. He's like she turned, she didn't see me. And he's running just in case she didn't fall. He's so stoked. He's been waiting for that moment. This bitch eats all my food.

It's so amazing. Not today. Not today. Oh, Jesus. No, no, you're clearly going too fast. No! Why turn into the- oh, that's death. That person is gone, baby, gone. How concerned is the driver, though?

Hey! Why wouldn't he try and reverse? Back up! Back it up! Here's the thing, he backs up, and this guy just springs right up. He's like, what do I do? Back it up. Back it up. Here's the thing, he backs up and this guy just springs right up. No. It's fucking crazy. No, he's dead. He does, no. Watch, he jumps right up. Shut up. Oh no, dude, there's a full death. You can't show full death on your podcast.

Yes, you can. Honor their life. What? Honor their life. Fail blocks are only funny. You can't show full death. Honor his life. Wow. and they also were like damn He's gonna hit that pole and then a slight turn and just they also didn't move They didn't it's kind of his fault. They see it coming. Yeah, it's kind of definitely hear it coming big-ass truck like that Oh, yeah, the guy got away. He shot me when you're like he'll pop off, fuck off, fuck you dude. I didn't think he was gonna pop off. I was like I think this one's gone. Ooh.

Oh. Oh, that was good. You like that. I didn't know the legs were gonna do that. He didn't either. Does that happen when you break your back? Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. That's a good noise, right? Put that on loop in the fucking opening tomorrow. That is pretty good. That's pretty fun.

I've got another one for you. Oh, that truck in the lift. Oh, it's up there. No, no, no, no. Dude, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Get out of there. He pops up out though. I mean, what are you gonna do? Pick it up?

No. Oh, he's out. He's okay. He's alright, Eni. What is your life, bro? So you just live in this? This is pretty great. It reminds me of, who cares about anything else?

There was a Google job where you had to check what should go on the dark web, what should go on the real web. And these guys always do about a month and then seek therapy for the rest of their lives. Really? That's you. This isn't that bad, though. You commodified this. This isn't that bad.

No, the other one, though, oh, I guess it's you guys, too. Yeah, you guys have to show what's funny enough as death. Go, yeah, this was horrific, but I don't see an arc. You didn't see that guy's face though. No. Yeah. Wow.

Good camera work. Isn't that cool? Flying with the kid. And look, he's okay. He's alright. Everybody's okay on the show Everybody's okay She's alright one more okay. All right this guy's It's got rules here. Oh motherfucker. Yeah, that's what he knows

You hear him? Oh motherfucker. Yeah, that's what he knows. Ah, you motherfucker. I think he knows he's coming in hot. Two thousand, three thousand, four thousand, five thousand. He's gotta hit water. You okay? What a great question. He keeps asking me to get in. Help him! Get wet! He's fucked. I think he crashed that fucking hard.

Yeah, I think he probably broke limbs and maybe collapsed a lung. It's just weird. Why should he get wet? Why should he get wet? I think he crashed that fucking hard. Yeah, I think he probably broke limbs and maybe collapsed a lung. It just wasn't open and he was like, I came out of the water. But that's clearly this guy's fault. The other guy was just standing there and got killed.

Totally. This guy really deserves this. Yeah. But also, the other guy just keeps saying, are you okay? Like, get him out. No! You all right?

He fell. What are you, what are you? What other noise do I gotta make to let you know I are you okay? Like, get him out. No, he fell. What other noise do I gotta make to let you know I'm not okay? Maybe moving him will make it worse. Oh yeah, maybe let him drown me. That is true. Yeah, it's like, I don't wanna get wet. Maybe the other guy's like, that scene in Breaking Bad where he just lets that chick drown in her vomit.

Maybe the other guy's like, I'll be number one if I just let you in there. That's right. Let me ask you about the, oh oh, sorry. We got something for you Cuz Adrian asked what I asked for this Ari. Oh Just watch So I just finished taking what I thought was a dump So I just finished taking what I thought was a dump. What the fuck is that?

It's hemorrhoids. It looks like the mushrooms that sprout after you leave dog shit in the ground. That's what you're living with? Yeah. Not all the time. Do you ever have them drained or operated on the rubber bands around them that kill them off? Nug life, but it didn't take That's your friend that's your friend Red Red used to go to Apple stores and load that up on all the computers and then walk away

Did he really? Yeah. Holy shit. Look at less fat Joe DeRosa. How does your shit even make it out? How's it fast, that? Is Joe fat? What? Is Joe fat? No, he's just worn down.

Oh. Yeah, I guess he's not much fatter than that. I don't know how it makes it out. Kind of like this maze, you kind of got to go through and out. It's kind of like a Play-Doh factory. It runs out in certain shapes, so it's shaped like that. But you could stop getting them if you didn't, if you stopped eating all the spicy food, right?

Maybe. Right. You used to get leakage too, you ever get leakage? I mean, I've had leaky days. It's just like oil coming out of there. Do you make your own tampons? No. Oh buddy, it's so crafty.

I'm okay. You gotta get into crafts. Make your own tampons. Why don't you just go? I bet that dude who drinks his own com, that's a guy who's gonna make his own tampons. He probably would, yeah. How do kids react when they see your face?

They love it. They love it. Your son would love it. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, he's kids react when they see your face? They love it. They love it your son Would love it. Yeah, I'm sure yeah, he's of the age though. He'd be like that guy's face yeah, I saw a lot of this like staring and then getting their mom without looking at them and just like You know just pulling the shirt like And how do homeless black guys react? No, that's fresh, son. Yeah Yeah, they they're so into it. They like it. They probably think you're going to be homeless soon. This is like the start of it. Word's still out. Word is still out. It can easily happen. Yeah.

Of all the comics, if someone was like, Oh, they're homeless now, where would you, who would you be least surprised by? Would you be like, no way. But I mean, I couldn't not see it. No, like if no way, Howie Mandel. If he was homeless. Yeah, I'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about? You're a germaphobe. Yeah.

So many germs there. But if somebody said, Ari's homeless, I'd be like, where, what country? Right, yeah. He just got, he lost all his money on drugs. Yeah, he's living in Vietnam. I'm like, yeah, that checks out. I think you would enjoy that.

I might. Do you have any big world travel plans? Yeah, I gotta go to Chile. Yeah, I gotta go travel around there. Thought you were going to Peru. Yeah, Peru too. You're going? Go through all through South America.

Soon? Yeah. How long are you gonna be, you always go for like, oh, I'm not long, just three months. Yeah, Peru too. You're going? Go through all through South America. Soon? Yeah. How long are you gonna be, you always go for like, oh, I'm not long, just three months. Yeah, something like that, six, eight. No, it's like a year. Six or eight months you're gonna do? He's putting out a special

and then he's going away for a year. He does this, I think it's so insane. I know. Crazy person. Special's coming out in January. Yeah, but it's like- The one that we were just talking about? Yeah.

That'll come out in January? Yeah, and I'll the one that we were just talking about. Yeah. That'll come out in January. Yeah. And I'll probably leave in June. Leave. So you'll stay six months. Stay, stay for a while. Then like just chase the sun down south for a while. Okay.

I got, I got some for you when you're ready to Jesus bro. That kind of behavior and language will not be tolerated below the border. I'll connect you to a few fucking Cholos and you'll, uh, Can I meet your like real mom in Chile? Yeah, sure. Peru, whatever. Yeah. No, I got some connects for you. Really? Yeah, sure. Oh hell yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Having a crewing like, uh, just, I'll tell you this, don't show up with that face. What would they do? They,

it would just everyone not trust him, right? They would be like, yeah, I'm not helping your friend. You gotta beat him around. You're maybe a target. Yeah. For sure. Who's this? Oh my god, it's so hot. It's so hot. So?

It's summer already, I guess. Enjoy life like it's a celebration. There you go. Why does that need to be said? Who the fuck is that? I don't know. Is that a toupee? It looks like a toupee. It's so hot. I think he also has colored contacts in, right?

He's doing a lot of things. Yeah. This is the problem with influencers. There's like no content, just talking into a camera. Some filler. Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot. It's four years

He's so red have you seen how red he is He's just so rosy fucking red do her in Vegas at Skankfest and he was me him to Rosa you get and Leanne we're all talking about how we never get to hang we'll go through like a shitty casino Everyone recognizes them and like Binions or something He's like, oh hey, he's complaining. He's like You know just for like a tiny bit of money yet to give a frame like what tiny bit What are you talking about? Who's saying this Bert?

It's not a tiny bit. We're doing quite well and then I have to give up your anonymity. Yeah Oh like he's yeah, I'm gonna get bothered. Is it even worth it? And was like yeah because you do it so then we then we lose all our money in craps right away. We're all sitting in this section just like talking. I'll just, five of us really hanging out, it's great. And then he goes, oh, here's four guys who don't recognize me. I see them though, playing craps over there.

I'm gonna go make their day. And he just goes and spends time with them for 30 minutes. He loves it. He loves it. He also is like, nothing's better than being famous. Yeah, it's the best Says it all the time. So I don't buy that shit at all What do we got India? He's on the ground. Oh

My god, that's a propane tank dude You're right. We did the bit. You good? I mean, is this a punish- is this a crime punishment? Does that have to get you to talk? Dude, that's metal! It's just like, you're not gonna tell us where they are. Look at the little kids watching this! It's a show, though!

Oh, it's a show! But he's not alright! And... You're not gonna feel anything, bro. Let us do it. Holy fuck. Look how happy just let us do it. Holy. Look how happy the guys are through it. He's just like nailed that perfect shot. Oh my God, dude.

These guys are thin too. Um, when I leave, are you going to say a bad word? One bad word into here. But when I leave, you can say it. Trash mom. Yeah. What's he gonna say oh Yeah Sweet kid she just teaches him how to do it. Yeah, he's talking about his mom. It's adorable

That's really cute. That's super cute. Oh That's really cute. That's super cute. Oh, oh, he was so happy. Yeah. What a trash mom. Whenever you see those with that kind of British accent, you're like. I didn't even know what accent that was.

I hate accents. You hate accents? It's disgusting. You like, how do you? How any accent is disgusting? Any accent. I only like America. Yeah.

Just kidding. America has disgusting accents too. I only like New. Yeah. I'm just kidding. America has disgusting accents too. I only like New York. That's it. You are the real New Yorker. You are. New York accents. Will you ever leave New York?

Probably not. I hate it so much. You hate. It's the worst place I've ever been. New York? And that's why you won't leave? Where else am I going to go? Cause is it, is it kind of like, I feel

like I deserve this? No, I just feel like I've lived there my whole life? Where else am I gonna go? Is it kind of like I feel like I deserve this? No, I just feel like I've lived there my whole life. Where am I gonna go? You gotta move. You gotta go somewhere. I know, but I don't know. Why don't you use the, I don't know, the special to just be like your, you know.

Move to Austin. Catalyst for doing something different. Maybe, he's trying to get me to move here. Why wouldn't you? It's too far, I don't like flying roaches that you guys have. Yeah. Me and him stayed in an Airbnb.

Yeah. We were here a while ago. Yeah, there was like one bug. Not true. We come, and it's a really nice place, we come home, there's a bug in the bathroom this fucking big. So I go and get him like I'll stay here. He kills it. We come back the next day. There's just more of them. I'm not gonna stay here because there was a bug. Okay one bug is oh fine. It was a beautiful place. It was a

beautiful place. The bug was this fucking big. The next day we come back. There's more of them. They're in the kitchen. He also leaves a bunch of food open, so they just have a bug. Wow, I wonder if that has anything to do with it. Okay, am I, yeah. And then the other people we were with, they were like, yeah, I woke up with one in my bed.

I go, oh, I'm gonna actually just leave. And they're like, sure, you're gonna leave, and I went and got my stuff and went to a hotel. It was 1 a.m., she just left. I don't care. I like it. She just takes off, like, no, no, where are you going? I'd rather get, than deal with bugs. One bug over a lifetime of bugs I don't care. I like it. She takes off. I'd rather get into one over a lifetime of bugs. I would deal with. I can't

feel it. But how much I hate it. I'm not saying it's good. No, it's not good. It's bad. But how much I hate bugs are worse. There's no therapy for bugs. There's plenty of already experts on how to help. Right. So you've got the support system in place for the ride. So if somebody threatened you with bugs, you'd be like, just take me. But now at this point, I've already had to deal

with so many bugs, it feels like the wouldn't be fair. Yeah. To add that to the bugs. Right, unless I would never see any for the rest of my life. Then you'd be okay. I wouldn't be okay, I would just deal with it. I would get the bugs. Right. Unless I would never see any for the rest of my life. Then you'd be okay. I wouldn't be okay, I would just deal with it. I would get through it.

Yeah. We're like, I'm joking. We were just like, we didn't see a bug in our bed. But I seen them in the kitchen. Yeah. Yeah, no. Horrible. I wouldn't sleep, I would stay up all night. He's gotta be the worst house guest.

I would be horrified to have you stay. You ever seen me naked? Yeah, seen me naked. You must have, naked? Yeah, I've seen you naked. Yeah. It's not even like sexual. No. How does it register? It's like seeing a psych patient?

It's like seeing your kid get naked. You're like, put your clothes on. Yeah. Stop it. You have kids? No. You ever have an abortion? No.

Jesus. I thought I was gonna have one, but I didn't. I got my period. Oh, you're like, thank God. God came through. God. In the I was gonna have one, but I didn't. I got my period. Oh, you're like, oh, thank God. God came through. God. In the end, God handled it. A lot came through.

How many have you paid for? I paid for one, another one was just done without me. Didn't want any refund or anything. She didn't want a refund? She just told me, hey, three years ago, I had an abortion. I was like. Insurance is pay, they cover it.

For the woman, not for the man. I had to pay for one, I was like... Insurance is pay... they cover it. For the woman not for the man. I had to pay for one I was trying to get insurance like you're not the patient. How much was it? 400. That's not bad. Worth it. That's the rate. I used to work at a place that did them so. Like a just like a private business? Well it was an OBGYN office and then they also did abortions. Nice. Yeah. That's got to be like the funnest part of the job. What was it like working with Ari on the special? Ari's actually very autistic and great.

Yeah. Like in the special, he's like very focused. He cares about everything nobody else cares about. Like he wanted to get as many seats in there. Like he is very autistic. That's good. Yeah. He thinks about stuff no one else is thinking about. And what about from, because sometimes,

I think it's easy with specials to kind of go like, I don't care who's directing, but yours was directed by Louis. Was there, I don't know, what was that experience like for you? I mean, I've worked with Louis for years. Sure. Yeah, and I also worked with Louis for years. Sure. So. I went for my garden.

Yeah, and I also went to Europe with him. I went to the UK and stuff. I just trusted him. Like, I do think he's like amazing at what he does. So, I did trust him and my one concern was like, I didn't really wanna see the seller sign. So, we extended the stage by six inches and shut the sign off. And I don't really move a lot on stage,

so I stood pretty close to the front. So it does feel different than some of the other specials. And the lighting was really beautiful. It looks so cool. It does look really cool. And everyone's like, can we get that lighting in here? So I do trust him. He knows what he's doing.

Yeah. And I am really glad that the both of them. I mean, this would have never happened without Ari, though. Awesome. Yeah. trust him, he knows what he's doing. I am really glad that like the both, I mean this would have never happened without Ari though. So yeah, he's been like my biggest supporter. So that's why I have, you know, I just, one day I'm gonna have to just defend something

atrocious that he does. And I know that. It's coming up, it's coming up. The shitting on the stage is not it either. No. Like that's, I don't know what it is. It'll be something. I'll need you to let me open for you.

I'll at some point be like, hey, remember when I helped you? Yeah. I'm fucked. I know. I'm homeless. I just got back to the States. I'm gonna just be like, sure.

Yeah. Cambodia. Sure you did something terrible, but sure. You can do it. Yeah, Louis was cool to work too, because it's like, where should we do it, where should we do it? We thought about the mothership, like be easy there.

And then he was like, I don't wanna go there for that long. But also like, are you really comfortable there? He goes, why don't we do it at the cellar where you're comfortable. Yeah, I mean, that is like my home club. And that's where I'm the most comfortable. Yeah. A lot of people do it in the VU, which is much larger,

but like, I like a small. Intimate room. Yeah, low ceilings. It's the coolest room in New York. It is very cool. Especially late night, you can do jokes about like drugs and ODs and anything, any sort of felching and they're just like, we're already here with you.

Yeah. On gross. On gross, we can keep going. I'm proud of it though, and I think it would be nice to get like an audience because I've just been touring and like people are just showing up and some know what I do and some don't.

And I mean, I've had lots of people walk out. Yeah. You opened for me on a full tour for a while, on a Jew tour. And it was like always like, people didn't know you, but they were always like, hey, who was that lady? But those would be like my fans though. I've also opened for Pat Noswalt.

Like some of those people would love me and then some of them were like not happy. Yeah but that means you're doing something interesting also you know I mean like I think if everybody loves you if Patton, Louie and me can be like I need you to like start the show. You're doing something right you're doing something right. I guess. I wanna see if your J-DAR goes off on this okay what's up Arabic no English English you guys need help yes what do you know with why reach into the car drive away he's just trying to... What happened? Huh? What happened?

Your car's okay? Brother, me are from Dubai, Arabia. No, no, no, I'm trying to... What happened? I need you to help me, gas problem. What happened? Me today, I put my wallet in the top, I driving, I lost my debut, my grade, my money, everything. Okay.

I know from here, from Dubai, Los Angeles. Dubai, Los Angeles? Dubai, Los Angeles. Look, please. No, no, it's fine, it's fine. I'm just trying to help you. I'm trying to help you. I'm trying to help you.

I'm trying to help you. I'm trying to help you. I'm trying to help you. I'm trying to help you. I'm trying to help you. I'm trying my Debbie my crazy my money everything okay. I know from here from Dubai Los Angeles by Los Angeles Tell me about some money gas for go home. I lost my money my crazy. We card you lost everything I give you my ring gold anti-carrots for you deposit. I need to help you my American money gas for go home brother Okay, how do you love do you know you're a scammer? You know you're scammers Fuck you. I know I help you with American money, gas for go home brother. Okay. Hamdurillah. Do you know you're a scammer? Huh? You know you're a scammer right? Oh f**k you.

I know, I know you scammer. He immediately knows he's caught. What with that car? Yeah. I don't help anybody. No. No, nobody. Nope.

It's also because of a New York life. Maybe, but I just don't trust anyone. Somebody comes up, nobody. Nope. That's also because of a New York life. Maybe, but I just don't trust anyone. Somebody comes up to you, excuse me, help me. I've had that so many times, by the way. Mm-hmm. I've been at a gas pump and somebody goes, can you help me out? I fell for it once in Maryland.

You did? I need help, I gotta see my kid, I'm like, all right, here's $10, when I needed it. Yeah. Really. That's really nice. No, it was a fucking fool's move It was but it was because it was still nice You ever have the one where the guy bumps into you and drops a bunch of food?

No, and goes oh fuck. Yeah, I just found that one I'm gonna let you help stop to help them and they're like, oh, I'm so sorry drops This this thing comes out food goes over it goes fuck. That was my dinner. Oh, well boy Yeah, I was with somebody and I was like, let's go. And they're like, no, I gotta help them. I'm like, let's go. It's an obvious, first of all, he just happened to bump into you

with a Tupperware that wasn't sealed. And it's just slices of bread. So just eat it. Eat it. Eat it, dude. Eat it, eat the fucking straight bread off the floor. Yeah, it's all you were eating anyway. Exactly.

I can get you some more bread if you want, man Yeah. Yeah, but you're six more slices of plain bread Yeah, I saw a scam schizo guy in the like a little sandwich shop Yeah, and some guy was like hey man What what do you want? I'll get you something and the guy was like, oh you know, I want a coffee and Like this sandwich. Yeah, okay. He's yeah guys I got it so he pays for it and I watched the guy take the coffee and I watched him empty Like 18 packs of sugar like one by one into it and I'm like, that's a lot of sugar, right? like just over I'm like

Fucking nuts. He empties them stirss it up, and then they're like, what do you want on the sandwich? And he's like, tellin' them, he's like, I don't want that fucking shot. He starts just like screaming, just losing his, like just going fucking crazy, and I was like, cool. This is what you get for buying the sandwich. One time I did buy a girl, she was in a park,

I was parking in New York City, and New York City's so hard to find parking, she was in a park, I was parking in New York City, and New York City's so hard to find parking, she was standing in this spot that I wanted to park in. She was like, oh, I just came back from the hospital, my boyfriend beat me, I'm pregnant with twins. I went and bought her like a Sam, I mean, I spent like $18. I was like, and then somebody else asked me for money, I was like, go get it from that lady.

Yeah, I already paid. I already gave her, nope, no more. Baby formula was a big one. They asked for baby formula because they could trade that in for a lot of money. Yeah. Remember we were having a coffee, we saw some guy in the middle of the road,

a car behind him honking, he was slowly walking. Yes. In the middle, wouldn't move. But the car also wouldn't go around him. Wouldn't go around. And he was just like, it was like a parade. Just blaring the horn. And the guy was like, no, standing on ground.

He was mentally unwell, though. Normal West Village. He was homeless. Yeah. I said, one guy, I'll see the techniques. One guy will like, in front of the cellar, will lay down and cry on the street, like he'd just fallen.

But then if like Steve or somebody's like, buddy, not today. They go, all right. And he gets up and walks. They do that. Yeah. I heard once somebody was shutting down a John Appetow movie, which by screaming.

What are you gonna do? Maybe it was the Pete Holmes show. And they were just screaming. And they're like, what, stop. He's like, well, I'm allowed to scream. He just screams. They're like, what do you need? He's like, give me two dollars.

And they're like, it's fine. He could have gotten way more. So much more. Yeah. Two dollars, that's great. There was a black homeless guy, and he came up to us, and we didn't give him money. And he's like, you me two dollars. They're like fine. You could have gotten way more. So much more. Two dollars, that's great. There was a black homeless guy and he came up to us and we didn't give him money and he's like, you guys are all racist and we're like,

well we're definitely not gonna give you money now. Yeah, you just. Yeah, also, yeah but not from this. We also don't get money to go so white homeless. How about the guy with the bloody hands always wanting high fives. He just catch people coming out of the cellar and then you start to do it and then it's like, it's with the bloody hand who's always wanting high fives? He just catch people coming out of the cellar and then you start to do it and then it's like,

it's always a bloody hand. I've walked out of a 7-Eleven and the guy was sitting there and I was like, all right, and then he reaches up to get the money and his hand is just so gross. Yeah, so I'm like, I go, no, no, no, no, no. Don't reach out with your thing. Just let me drop it, you know?

So. It's like Plinko. And it just kinda floats down. 7-Eleven is their headquarters. Yeah. It's where they all meet. Yeah, you don't wanna be fucking 7-Eleven. 7-Eleven's disgusting.

Unless you're in Tokyo. Fucking hell. Then they're nice. The cleanest, most amazing, like you're like, this doesn't exist where we live. Like the toilet has a Toto washlet. Like those. What? There's a toilet at 7-Eleven?

Like in a pristinely clean bathroom. Unbelievable. Like every day you'd be like, you wanna go take a shit at 7-Eleven? Like that. Wow. Wow, you can't do that here? No.

Walla-Wansh in Philadelphia has black lights so people can't find that here. No, you can't. No. Wall launch in Philadelphia has black lights so people can't find their veins. That's pretty smart. Yeah. So they'll stop shooting up? Yeah. That's hilarious. How do you expense that?

Like, let's just get it. Fuck. Can't lose somebody else. What is this? Hold on. Oh boy. Oh wow. This guy means business. Shrink us to you. Oh. Oh boy. This guy means business.

Shrink of Steel. Oh, he's going to work out. No, please dude. This guy's rad. Oh great. Okay, just nice workout. Oh, so some of these videos are nice or pleasant. Yeah, that's a great video. That's nice. Oh, so some of these videos are nice, they're pleasant. Yeah, that's a great video.

That's the whole video? I think so, I don't know why I tell you. It's a real misdirect. He has a lot of stuff in his room. He does got a lot of stuff. On the floor. One time a guy sent me a video of a dick pic and it was like that kind,

he had a bunch of stuff everywhere. Like you think we're only focusing your dick. Yeah, and you're like, this is a real. No, there's a lot of stuff on the floor. Yeah, he's mad, because it's an ace film. Can you imagine going over to that place? No, I stopped talking to that guy. He told me that he used to be addicted to heroin,

and I was like, okay. He's like, but I'm clean now, and then he was like, but I have roommates, and I was like, I can't. No. The roommates was the lie. Yeah, that room was not that bad. Do you use, are you on the apps? Yes, but I'm getting off of them.

Really? It's just garbage. Where's, how many are you on? I'll be on all of them and then I'll do one at a time. And then I'll just go off of them. Are you on Raya? No, I can't get on. But now you can.

Why, you're a good inviter? No, I'm saying because specials gonna be. So yeah, yeah, you can invite your Raya? No, I can't get on. But now you can. Why, you're gonna invite her? No, I'm saying because specials gonna be. So yeah, yeah, you can invite her to Raya. Somebody can, you have to, I think, get recommended by somebody on there. You have to get recommended. Be a higher level dick. Use condoms when you can.

It's gonna be a much better dick. Cleaner apartments. I hope so. Yeah, I hope so. We'll see. You fucked some terrible people. You're a good producer. You should make this happen for her. Sure, for sure. I'm on Raya?

Yeah, but you can facilitate it. I can find somebody who can get on there. I absolutely can. Do it for her, my boy. That wasn't even worth it. Yes, it was. It was a pleasant, it was a nice change of pace fart. It was a nice change.

It was like a sound effect fart. But it wasn't like a good one. It wasn't like a hot beefy one. It wasn't a hot one, but that's an unexpected one. Do you make a guy wear a condom when you fuck? Yeah, why wouldn't I? I mean, unless I'm like with them for a while and they're my boyfriend.

Yeah. Reasonable answer. Oh God, wafting it to you? Sorry. Are you seeing someone now? I think so. Someone's watching my dog, so I think so. Oh.

That's a great way to get a guy involved. I mean, he offered to watch my dog. I was like, sure, I'll save $700. Yeah. So who knows if we'll be talking when this comes out. That's true. We'll see. We'll see. Has he's in the act?

Have you ever had somebody who's like, I'm done with you after the act. I did see, I did talk to one guy for a bit, and then he asked me when I was on, I let him see my degenerate thing, and then we never met up. But also when I called, when I was on the phone with him, I didn't realize he lived with his mom.

Like he said, Mom! I was like, dude, you're 48? 48 with his mom? Mm-hmm. Fuck. The gall to even ask anyone out. That's disgusting. You should be fucking your mom.

My mom? That guy. It's the only acceptable place if you're living with her. Have you ever had friends? Yes. That are like, oh, I did stand up, and then you find out they're doing shows with your mom? Yes.

Yeah. I definitely, yeah. Is she a regular? Sorry, go ahead. I've had people that meet my mom, and they're like, your mom is so nice. And I'm like, that's fake. You don't know her like you know her.

Yeah, that's not like, if I had her as a mom, I probably wouldn't do stand up. Yeah. You do have her as a mom. But I'm saying if I had that version of her as my mother growing up. Oh right, right. Yeah, I probably wouldn't be doing this.

Wow, and she brought you to the first mic you did. She did. Were you expressing interest? Yeah. Yeah. I had wanted to do Saturday Night Live, and then she was like, well, you have to do standup. And I was like, okay. I never wanted to even do stand up like as a kid, that was never my thing.

Then I started doing it and I just fell in love with it. Well you just saw her and you're like. No, I never wanted to do stand up. I wanted to like, I guess be on SNL. Yeah, sketches and stuff. Yeah, stuff like that. Do you still have an interest in that? I don't know, not really.

No? I mean, I wouldn't turn it down, but I also think it's pretty bad, the show. Pretty bad. Sometimes, you know, they have, like, here's the thing, I don't watch the show regularly. I watch when Nate hosted. I thought his show was fantastic.

Like, it was really funny. Yeah, Nate's great. Yeah. I watched Shane's, I haven't seen one in a while. I saw Shane's too, and. Like it was really funny. Yeah, Nate's great. I watched Shane's. I haven't seen one in a while. I saw Shane's too and that was really, really good. But it's like all the jokes, like here's the setup, the punchline, and then we're just gonna like

retell that same punchline five or six times until it's about milked and then we're done. The other thing I try, I mean, I get, sometimes I try to think in terms of the fact that like, they're pumping this out once a week, turning it over the next week. You're gonna have, you have to miss hard, but then they'll have some that hit hard.

Going to it's pretty great. I've never been. Oh, you see the moving pieces, you see all the stagehands setting up a stage while another one's going on, and it's like the live part you really notice. Like, whoa, what a production. It really gets cool when you're there. That's cool

Some of the things are pretty funny, but then some of it you're like no yeah, yeah, I agree, but I guess you're right Yeah, it's just it's a tough. That's a tough task man to like but week after week Anytime you hear somebody say that's a tough task. It's because they're failing nobody says that about Tom Brady. That's tough You know But imagine if it's like, it's sort of like the write an act a week kind of thing, you know? I mean, obviously it's with a group, but it's still, it's a huge undertaking.

Yeah. I wonder how much stuff gets pitched, and they're like, no. So much. So much. But stuff that could be really funny, but they're like, it's too offensive. And then they have stuff cut at the dress rehearsal. So they have dress rehearsal and they're like,

oh, my thing's on and they're like, nope, it's off now. There was one with Shane that they showed later, a cut one that was like, that was funnier than the other sketches. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Would you do it? I would do it, for sure.

Come on in, you guys pussy. I do, we can do it. Did he say, come get this pussy? Come on in if you got some pussy. Mm-hmm. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! I'm all right, buddy. Come on. He's hurt. Did you ever watch that video, the girl Pearl dancing? No, she's singing on a table and she falls. I feel like I've seen it. Who was that?

Some lady. This is a... Oh. Oh, I saw that recently. Pearl and then she falls and she's like. Is it the lady, wait, not the grape stomp? Grape stomp? No.

No, a different one. Yeah, Pearl singing. Pearl singing. If you go on YouTube, Pearl takes a fall, I think, or something. Yeah. Oh, Facebook. Facebook.

Is that her? No, she's a... Oh. Oh, shoot, that's gonna hurt. That definitely hurt. Hmm. Well. Maybe I gotta take it off.

That's incredible when someone can scrub that shit. I mean, I doubt it. No, it's not a cartoon. This is a lot of searching. Would you, you would host us now. You wouldn't like be on the show. Oh yeah, but I would, you wouldn't host? I'd host once, it'd be fun.

That sounds like super fun, yeah. I would Scarlet, I messed her name up. Scarlet takes a tumble. Scarlett takes a tumble. Scarlett takes a tumble. I know why her name was Pearl. I'll get up my favorite meme that Adrienne sent me. Oh boy. I can't show anybody.

There we go. Oh, I can't help but think. That's a big lady too. I don't know why she gets on the table. Oh, you can hear the table going, don't do this to us. The table is like... It's not... And so confident. That's the things you're feeling good.

Oh, now she's dancing. You can hear the creaking. The creaking is starting. The table is like, lady, we're letting you know. This is gonna end poorly. No, no, don't do the... Oh! That's almost funny when they don't make a noise. Yeah, silence.

Check it out. I don't know why she posted this video. Don't make a noise. Yes silence It's the slamming of the Crazy hi, I don't know why you would still post that yeah She put well she posted a version of it. Who knows why? Oh, and then the Internet gets a hold of it. Yeah. Over. Once I. Once I fall. You can never post it. I've ever shown you this one.

It just sounds to me and I just love it. It's the most. I just love it. So good. Yeah, I've seen that. That's good. It's about that. That's good. You know, people will be like,

hey, what's that meme? Ari won't tell me what the meme is. Yeah, that can't go on. Isn't that funny that that, in our circle of life, you just go like, yeah, it's funny, but that is like the end of you. That's it. Oh yeah. That now becomes like your account's taken down. It's like, there of you. That's it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That now becomes like your account's taken down.

It's like there's nothing more. That is weird. It's like, but I find it funny, I'm enjoying it. And hopefully Adrienne's account gets taken down shortly after today. Her special, The Dark Queen is out on Netflix. If you have not yet seen it. One of the funniest people working today.

Facts. Congratulations. Thank you so much. There's a world of hatred coming to you and the funniest people working today. Facts. Congratulations. Thank you so much. There's a world of hatred coming to you and we're excited for you. Thank you. Are you gonna be touring after it? Are you going on a tour right after it?

Or are you back in Cleveland? Yeah, I have a couple of days. I'm gonna go on tour with you in January, February. Are you building or are you ready to go? You're building a new hour? I'm building. I probably have like 25. Yeah, this is kind of the fun time again.

Because 25, you know, like, oh, I can do it again. It's not like when you have your new three and you're like, I don't know if I could do this again. I don't know if I could do it again. It's so hard. But honestly, congratulations, I'm very happy for you. Thank you so much. Exciting that it's happening.

You're so funny. I'm just excited people are finally gonna see it. Yeah, that's what's gonna happen. So many people are gonna see it. And then, You Be Trippin, Ari Shafir's podcast that we produce that you put out every Monday. Travel stories, right? Yeah, you gotta do it.

I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it. I think we said we'll get together in December and do it. That'd be fun. I love it. Okay. Thank you both for coming. Buddy, nice to see you. Thanks for having me. Always good to see you. Keeping the fat off. Trying, man. see you. Thanks for having me. Always good to see you. Keeping the fat off.

Trying, man. You can tell, right? Yeah. Yeah. Fucking. I should say something smarmy now, but. No, no. Way to go.

Eating well. Yeah. Training. I'm gonna be naked soon on camera. Really? Yeah. And I have to shave my face. You gotta drink your own comp.

Oh, what? I haven't shaved my face. Like, you know how you have half a face shaving? I have to shave my whole face. Start with half. Hey buddy, I know I told you, like, it seems in passing and it's like a joke and you've always been supportive,

but like, legitimately, I really wanna do that clapping thing one day. They're like, Tom Segura's new show, scene four, take five, just like whatever. Okay. With the clapper. You can do that. Okay, but don't forget about me. All right. Okay. Okay, you can do it, like whatever. Okay. With the clapper. You can do that. Okay, but don't forget about me.

All right. Okay. Okay, you can do it, I promise. Okay. I mean, we start shooting in a week. Where? Here in Austin. Or shooting until mid-November.

All right, let me see if I can stop in somewhere. Oh wow, see? Yeah. What can I get? Are you like, thinking of getting it? Don't forget about me. No, I'll fly out and do it. I gotta get a Southwest ticket.

I wish, I'm a frontier baby. Whoa! All right, now you guys are the best. Thank you, we'll see you guys next week. The Banana Plantation It's been here. This feels special Hey guys That's a good one That's a good one That's a good one That's a good one

Yup Dr. Five, Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet Dr. Trumpet I can see the joy in your face. It's banana. It's banana. This feels special. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does.

It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does.

It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey This feels special to us That's a good one That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's a good one

That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's a good one That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's Back to grumpy Back to grumpy Back to grumpy Back to grumpy Back to grumpy Grumpy Grumpy Grumpy Grumpy