Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - When A.I. Strikes Back w/ Brian Simpson | Your Mom's House Ep. 700

Episode Date: March 22, 2023

Welcome back to the mommydome with Tom Segura and Christina P! What bodily functions are you ok with in the shower? Where are you ok with taking a Big D? The mommies are asking the right questions. And because it's episode 700, the main mommies review some of their favorite clips from the last 100 episodes.We then welcome comedian and podcaster Brian Simpson! We talk about robot dogs, fighter jets and why Brian apologizes to his Google Home. They talk about the enigma that is Bert Kreischer, fitness, and how Remi Bader wasn't allowed on a horse on a ranch. We review more terrible lower back tattoos, and ho's at work. See Brian live in your town at https://www.briansimpsoncomedy.com/https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinaponline.com/tour-dateshttps://store.ymhstudios.com/https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast

Shit, now you got me thinking all kinds of thoughts. This is a thought provoking show. It's gonna be you and Bert for sure. Well, I think you just made it available. Yeah, they're gonna be you and Bert in a cave. But you might be like, I shit sometimes when I don't want to. And what's wrong with that?

Work sluts are, it's the only thing that can save us, really. That's totally true. You know how this people say, nobody wants to work. Well, there's no sluts at work. Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. And we're back.

We're back. We're jeans. Ooh, I like when you got a little bit of dad hair coming off the top. Dad hair coming off the top of the shirt. You know, I've liked how you've aged. Yeah. You're just very handsome.

You're very masculine. Yeah. I love it. Yeah, you know, I was inspired by, I have a good friend of mine's about seven years older than me. And he looks like shit. He's bloated and he's fat.

And he looks like every day's his last day. And I go, well, it's only like seven years. I don't want to name names, but he's about six, seven years older than me. And he's gross. And, you know, he bloated, kind of distended. Mess. Mess.

And I was like, that's what happens if you don't give a fuck about shit. Yeah. Drinking every night and being up late and stuff in your face and looking like a manatee that snuck out of the water. So I was like, don't want to look like that. No.

No. So I've tried to take better care of myself, you know? And I feel better. I just feel so much. I mean, I did the, I woke up and rode the bike for an hour. It just feels great. Which Peloton lady did you go with today?

I don't fuck with my chicks. I was with Ally. Oh, okay. I've seen you come down and look at like. I do. I'm making sure. Oh, who's he talking to? Because it sounds like you're talking

to some sluts down there. I'm not talking to anyone. And then I'm like, oh, it's Peloton. They're talking. Yeah, I know. And they're like, get out of the saddle. It's just spin talk. You wouldn't understand.

No, I do the Peloton. I do the treadmill though. That's not the same. What happened there? I stifled a burp. Why? You shamed? No, I just know you're gonna make

a big fucking thing out of it. I'm not gonna make a big fucking thing out of that. I'm gonna fuck a fuck out of that. Listen, I want to go back to free burping and free farting on the show. I'm sick and tired of holding in my craft. Go get craft. Go for it.

You go for it too. You go for it. I want to see you go for it. Belch again. Stop, but stop. Okay. Stop pretending like you're civilized. You're not.

Of course I am. Let it rip, babe. Am I the nastiest guy you ever dated? Yeah, hands down. Really? Hands down. Hands down. So you were the first guy I ever dated

that watched football and scratched his nuts. Really? Just was a real barbarian. Like you put my hand in your lap and you farted on my hand when we were dating. I never dated guys like that. The guys I dated were a little more sensitive beta energy, you know?

Like goth dudes or whatever. Sure. I mean, even like the one normal guy I dated before you was not a savage like that. He was more refined, you know? Like he folded his clothes with a folding board, like his shirts, and he was very organized and stuff, you know?

Cool, you dated a gay guy, that's cool. No, he's not gay. No, I know. He's very heterosexual, just like, just more together, you know? More together. Slop. But so am I.

But so am I, I'm not, you know? Yeah. You blow snot rockets in the shower, I think that's disgusting. I don't, you know what else? I think it all flies in the shower. What do you mean? Well, like in the, I mean, I think it's crazy

that people are in this place where it's literally a washing center. It's like a washing, you know, like a, you know, isolated, it's a washing room. The water is coming at high pressure, warm water, with a drain, and what they're gonna hold themselves back from cleaning their nose or their- I know, or peeing, like that part, I never understood.

I never understood that either. Hey, pee, yeah. What if you have to pee, like, do you hold it? You can pee into the drain. Yeah, it's fine. Where other water is going. It's fine. It's fucking crazy.

But then what is kind of- I don't know who, like, do you not do that? No, but I don't know, wait, so hold up, so you could just diarrhea in the shower? No, not caca. It's a cleaning place, though. What? I mean, equating peeing with shitting

is a little insane, you know? I mean, people pee on the side of the road. You're not like, do your diarrhea right there, too. It's like, it's pee. It's just, it's a liquid. Unless you're in India. It's easy to- Remember that story where they're like,

don't diarrhea on the streets? Cover that. You would never pee, you've never peed in the shower? No, I'm not saying I've never peed in the shower, but I don't like it, especially if I'm in there with a girl in the sheet piece, that's fucking foul. You've had that happen? Yes, I've had that.

They think it's funny. They'd be laughing as they do. I'm like, you know you're getting out of this shower now, right? That's it for you. It's my shower now. You get the shower after. Real alpha.

He said that, he said it was a little Ike Turner kind of turning on it, too. That's it for you, baby. Your whole career's over, baby. You gotta sing the shit, what the motherfucking shit was supposed to be saying, Tina? Ain't no more showers? You shower outside now, that's for animal showers.

Yeah. I have a feeling any is strict like that with his women, like there are no burps, there are no farts, there's nothing unseemly, no periods. Am I right? Like you don't allow any bodily stuff to happen ever. Am I right? Do you punish them for having a period?

I mean, look, the fact that you can't hold, I hold in my shifts two weeks, you can't hold their shit in for another fucking month. I mean, it's not that hard. Yeah, it's not that hard to hold your blood in. Stop bleeding so much. Stop bleeding, stupid bitch. You know what?

I think you're really gonna enjoy this opening clip. I pulled it just for you. Are you ready? Here you go, Annie. I just love a big black dick, but only in my mouth. I'm already 60 and I'm already worried about anal leakage problems. I don't need that asshole stretched out anymore than it is.

Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Wow. Don't burn with a fucking stick. Wow, that's cool. Come, come, come, come. Welcome to your mom's house. Yes, yes.

With Tom Segura, Tom Segura, and Christina Pausice. Christina Pausice and Christina Pausice. Welcome to your mom's house. Come on, come. Down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down. Come on. Move, move, move. Oh, uh.

Oh. Ha ha. Play it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice, right? Yana, Yana. I might make a case that in this gentleman's situation, he doesn't want a big one in his bottom.

His bottom, no. But he doesn't mind a big one in his mouth. But why not put a smaller one in your mouth to make your mouth's life easier? But only in my mouth. So Canadian. Only in my mouth, eh? Mouth, yeah.

So you're saying... Do you mean? Where would you rather a real big one go? Oh, not in my mouth. Oh, really? Uh, not in my A. You got me thinking all kinds of thoughts. Wait, hold on.

This is a thought-provoking show. Oh. All right, here's the scenario. Ready? Yeah, go ahead. All right. There's a real big D. Okay.

And we're talking like... I mean, let's not be comical about it. Don't be stingy, Mark. No, no, let's not be comical where it's like beyond comprehension. Yeah. But it is substantial. We're saying it's eight inches long

and it's, you know... I would say at least two times the width of what you're used to getting. So here's the question. Are you going to deal with the discomfort of your mouth? Of your butthole, which could... No, never.

Okay. So you're almost like X in that. That's giant. Out right away. Or the V. Now, the V is made for... It is a, you know... Yeah.

I squeezed two human heads out of that. But it could be like the thrust of that in there. It could be very... It could be very painful. It could be very pleasurable, but it could be very painful. Would you rather deal with the discomfort of your jaw needing to...

You can see the orthodontist on Tuesday. Yeah. Or, you know, just some soreness in your V. That's such a good question. Yeah, it's such a good question. Okay. It's such a good question. You just love a big black dick.

Yeah. I mean, I don't think... I don't do backdoor. I'm not going to hit the backdoor. But maybe I do want to hit the backdoor with the biggest one possible. Because then, you just wreck it. And like, after that, you can do it with anybody.

You know what I mean? Like, maybe that's my introductory... Wow. Didn't expect this answer at all. People changes, Tom. People do changes. Go ahead. So you're...

Just so we're getting... Sure, go ahead. We're getting clarity on this. Yeah. What you're saying is that you've never been one to go for the backdoor. But if you were to do the backdoor with that liquid death can...

Yeah. If you were to do it... Expecting them to maybe reach out. If you were going to do it... Yeah. You got a liquid death can in there. Yeah. It hurts so much.

Right. But it's only once. Right. And, Yana... Yeah. The first initial thrust, if you will, is going to destroy my anus. Like, destroy it so hard that all the blood

and the mucus and the shit... Like, it's just going to... It's that first... You just have to get over the first thrust, I think, and then you'll be fine. Now, my Vaj... I'm kind of afraid of ruining that again. Do you know what I mean?

Like, I've had two people come out of there. It's seen better days. It's finally healed. Like, I don't want to re-damage. And the mouth, like... That big, black cock. Yeah. It's too tiring to get a lockjaw.

So you're going to... The discomfort of lockjaw, you would rather be like, nah, it's kind of uncomfortable. I don't want to do that. Go ahead and rearrange my digestive tract. Yeah. Yeah.

Really. It's one time... Yeah, but it's one time that might have permanent damage, right? Is it? These guys are butt-fucking for years. Well, he's just like, I'm sick of my anal leakage,

and you see that sometimes people have prolapse anuses. That's not enough of a deterrent to you. Well, not really. Because you don't want to go, ah. Yeah. You'd rather deal with, like, oh, my butt leaks all the time.

Yeah, because your face is very intimate. To have your face fucked is very different than your asshole. But that's over, too. You don't feel like that's going to be over? He might ruin my jaw. What if he dislocates my jaw? I don't like that.

It's going to be aggressive, uncomfortable, and maybe sore. But it's not going to... You're not going to be like, I can no longer chew. But you might be like, I shit sometimes when I don't want to. And what's wrong with that?

I keep the pipes clean. I have a good fiber diet. I don't care. Ruin my asshole at this point. This is... This might be the biggest revelation ever. Is that why I'm age exclusive? I mean, it's so fucking crazy that you're just...

Listen, I've changed. I'm in a different place in my life, and my priorities have shifted. And now it's ruined? It's just like, glennon just fucked my butt. My asshole. But not my veg, because I want to keep my veg for me.

That's mine. And my face. But no part of you go... But here's the thing. No part of you goes... You know what? Children have passed through there. So I can recover from any size penis.

I should go there and leave my asshole intact. I know what you're saying, Tom. Oh, you do know what I'm saying? I smell what you're sizzling. Uh-huh. But the point is, is that at that part, the veg is so traumatized already from childbirth, I don't want to re-traumatize her.

But it's going to be less than a baby. She's just forgotten it. You know what I mean? That's four years ago. She finally just forgot. Don't go back in there. That veg pain's different. Anal pain's new to me.

I haven't experienced anal pain. And I feel like I could take it now. I'm gonna play with your booty. Not him, though. He's a mess. What if he has the hog of all hogs? I don't think he has a small dick. How do you know?

That's just like the weird little kind of, you know, like fucking back alley dude. The weird back alley dude's got a big hog. I mean, would it really shock you if it was just this enormous, enormous hog on him? Sweatin' like a black man. You don't think so? I don't know.

I don't want to think about Unkshine's dong. I do. I think the four strokes guy's got a huge one. You do? Yeah. So I'm thinking about it. I'm like, that guy's got a biggie. Because he's like, he wants to show his brother

how he jerks off. He wants people to watch him jerk off. Yeah. Like, Unkshine doesn't want you to watch him jerk off. That's true. He's actually just wants to put his tongue in your ass. Yeah. Guys who want to show it off all the time, right?

Yeah. It's different. It's different. Well, another thing we should know. It was a fascinating chat with you. You got it. And also, I just don't know. I mean, you need to fucking see someone

that you're willing to give up your asshole. Like, I'll just deal with. I'll just deal with. Well, because I'll tell you what. I'll just deal with surgery. Yeah, because like anal pain to me is new. And I feel like I've done vaginal pain. It's so fucked up to have your vag torn apart.

It's not cool. I'm going to tell you something. Yeah. You're going to regret this. Is this going to happen now? Because I say. I think when you do it, you're going to be like, I made a huge mistake.

I don't know. I should have gone into the penis reception area as opposed to destroy my asshole. We'll see. We'll see. We'll see when this happens. I'll let you know. All right.

You tell me what Ankh does. Now, this is episode 700. Oh my God. Of. My mom's house. And. I can't believe it. I know.

700 pairs of jeans have gone into this. Yeah. So much denim. So much. So much. Our jeans are so high and tight. I mean, you guys have seen. 700.

If you've been with us from the beginning, which first of all, thank you. You've seen the different studios. Many different weights that I have been at during the show. Me too. I had two kids. I look so fat in some of those old ones. That's kind of a better excuse, I think.

Yeah, but you were a pregnancy weight too. Yeah, I was. I was carrying. I mean, the different, you know, the different iterations of our lives, we were like, I mean, kind of a newer couple, I guess, but one when this thing started, not, you know, we haven't been around. Like we haven't been a couple that long. So try to think about that.

Yeah. By the end of by October of this year, it'll be, what is it, 12, 12 or 13 years of doing this podcast. So it's only. Gosh. Yeah, we'd only been together a few years. Yeah. I mean, we went through two kids, multiple moves.

A pandemic. But we shared with the world. Crazy production stuff as far as like how the show is, you know, shot and broadcast. Remember when McDonald sponsored us and then took the money back money back. And then Morton steakhouse was like, just paint it. I mean, it was been a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff has gone in. But as always, you know, a couple of things are true of this show.

It's you and me doing this podcast. That's right. To mommy's one jeans and the clips. I mean, this show, I would say this part of the show has always been a fascination of mine. I was always a big fan of sound drops and always a big fan of like wild shit on the internet, you know, little clips. I would say that that was one of the first things that drew you and me together.

Yeah. Is wild shit. You know, our one of our first dates was seeing that movie. Was it still water? Oh, no, no, no. Deep water. Deep water. And we laughed when someone got killed from the shark attacks.

Yeah. And then it was the Grizzly. Grizzly man. Grizzly man. Yeah. And we both really laughed when they called the guy, when they called him retarded for living with bears and stuff like that. And then Gigi Allen's documentary, the documentary called hated.

Hated. Yeah. Yeah. That was really our first thing that we both were like, we love weird shit. It's true. It's. I've always loved weird stuff too. Yeah.

We need to talk about the R word. So it's been that and then every year there's a, you know, there's a kind of a, a best of right? Like just the, this is the best hunt. I think the best in the last hundred, let's say every hundred episodes, which covers like actually a couple of years. And so we went ahead and pulled what we feel like are the top 10 of the last hundred episodes. And it would be fun to revisit some of them today.

So I can't wait. This is from episode six zero six. Rest in peace. Kevin Samuels. Oh, how much do you weigh? That's none of your business. I told you I was fast. Oh, okay.

We don't play that shit on my channel. You get your big fat ass on Saturday. I don't deal you big sassy ass broads. You think you can get out here and be like Danny's big ass, go knock yourself out. But I would be remiss to try to tell you, as an image consultant and as a person and a professional, that you can be five, three and weigh so much that you don't even want to tell somebody how much you weigh and think you don't get a man to marry you, a high value man.

So you go ahead and go back over and get your two piece or three piece or whatever you got coming from, you know, Chick-fil-A or Popeyes or, yeah, carry your ass on over, I don't know. Wow. I mean, it's fucking amazing. I remember to, you know, you've seen more people now miss them. When he died, there was like, there was a split between people being like, you know, oh man, that sucks.

He died. And people being like, well, you know, he was, he was mean or he was toxic and he wasn't, and you know, people were like, you know, it's the internet, right? But this guy really was a voice of reason. I mean, he really was. He might have been like too harsh for some people. To me, I mean, I obviously, like for me, his entertainment value was through the roof because people don't, people most of the time go, that's okay.

Oh yeah. Well, you know what you should do is just do what feels comfortable for you, right? And then these are people being like, how come I can't get a guy that makes like $300,000 a year? And he'd be like, what do you do? Yeah. Like, what do you look like? What do you bring in?

Yeah. Oh, you got kids? How many kids you got? And they were like, I, you know, I work at this store and he's like, uh-huh, you got three kids? And what do you look like? How tall are you? Okay.

Well, yeah, I think you need to change some of these things. You're not going to get rid of your kids. Maybe you get a better job, maybe lose some weight and then you'll attract, and then people were like, what the fuck? Well, the truth is, that's kind of reality, you know? It is reality. It is totally. It's just a guy who's being, and not caring that it's offensive to some people.

And that's refreshing. So that's the thing about him. He was, it was refreshing to have somebody speak to you in an honest way, and he had genuine comedic timing, like shit that you can't teach. I mean, when he was like, okay, we'll get you two piece, just three piece from Chick-fil-A. And then as it ends, the best part is when it ends, he's like, no, I don't want to fuck with you. Like, he's saying that to himself.

I don't deal with any fucking bullshit. Like, he's just like whispering it to himself. You big sassy ass bros. And he's right because sassy ass big bros are like the like, uh-uh, like talk the most shit, get all loud, and then it's like, most of society, what they do is they kind of pull back from a big lady with an attitude. You know? Well, it's a defense mechanism.

It's a defense mechanism, yeah. It's so silly. Yeah, you remember the one where he's like, when he asked the lady, he's like, what do you think you want on a scale of one to 10? She's like, I'm a 10. He's like, no, you're not. No, what happened was when she goes, I'm a 10. He goes, what's that?

She's like, you what? She's like, I'm a 10. He's like, you Beyonce, you Rihanna, she's like, maybe a nine. She's like, so I'm sorry, you're like, kept talking to her number, kept going down, kept going down. I mean, look, so he's right. I think the only time this doesn't apply is when you're a teenager or you're very, very young, early 20s.

When nobody has money, you have nothing to lose, you have nothing to gain, you really, your friendships and everything and your relationships are all about just enjoyment and thing. But then once you start to accrue resources, education, athleticism, all these things that are valuable because you've worked to get those things, that's what matters. You want somebody that is an equal partner to you because you've worked now, now in your 40s or your 30s, whatever, you have stuff. It doesn't make sense for a guy making 300 grand to be dating a woman that's not of some value to him.

What's your value? That's what he's saying. If the guy makes 300 grand and you don't. What are you bringing? What's what are you bringing? And then obviously, well, he's like, you know, men value beauty. Yeah. So he's like, are you like a gorgeous woman because then that guy might be like, okay,

but if you're not, he's like, hmm, so good. I don't know. He's one of the best. This guy. He was hilarious. All right. From episode, what is it, 6.06, same episode? Oh my God.

This was one of the best fucking clips. Not only of the last 100 episodes of all 700 episodes, but now you got, oh, shit, not this. Oh, fuck dude, fuck. I've been thinking about this since we saw that in a minute that shit was unreal. The arrogance, the absolute, the arrogance of this guy to be like, I'll just jump off this roof and my rain boots and land with no bend. He landed almost straight leg and both of his knees are gone.

They don't even have fucking knees anymore. This is fucking crazy. I think about this clip once every two weeks. Maniscus ACLs, just like, yeah, his knees are up in his throat, dude. It's fucking crazy. That's so stupid. All right, he goes down and that kid was like, oh my God, oh my God. Because does he fall out or he voluntarily jumps?

He jumps. Yeah. He shuts it and jumps. That's the worst part. He's like, watch me do this. Do shit. Because you see them, you see them hyper extend. Yeah.

I know. I know. Oh man. This one's a roughy. The only way, obviously this is not a recommended thing to do, but the only possible way that you survive that jump is to land and land with it, have the knees go in or like, you know, bend and your ass kind of hits. That's the only way you're going to survive a high jump like that.

He fucking just, oh my God. God damn it, dude. Not the fuck, Tom. I hate that you had to reintroduce that into my memory. I think about it and I didn't want to see it again. That kid's laugh too, you know? He knows that this is not good. That was me, by the way.

That was me in high school. There was a movie that killed like, oh fuck, you're going to die. Yeah. That's so good. Fuck. I think because it's voluntary, it's like, dude, what do you fucking think? He wasn't pushed. That's actually the point too, is that why it's actually so great.

Yeah, you idiot. It really was. It wasn't an accident. It wasn't an accident. I mean, the only accident might have been that he didn't realize that that's not going to feel good, but he definitely did that shit on his own. And like also, rain boots, bruh, like you wore fucking rain boots to jump like that. You didn't think like Nikes or some shit.

And you know who would do rain boots? Like a four-year-old, five-year-old, yeah, might be like, oh, they don't realize what you should wear to do something like that. There's no shock absorbency. Big ass, I mean, this is a teenager. Fuck. He's tall too. I would love to know what, like the full story, what the damage was, how many surgeries,

you know, what type of aid he uses to get around today. I would love that full story. He did fuck up his knees big time. I mean, it could have fucked up ankles, feet, hips, yeah, it could all be fucked. All of it. His legs are just... It could be spinal column too. It could be like the whole thing.

He needs a chiropractor. Yeah. You want to give him the... What is it? The hockey ring? Yeah. The ring of death? Oh, the ring dinger?

The ring dinger, dude. He needs the ring dinger. Sort of shit out. So fucking gnarly. This was one of the first times we... So Adriana Chechek. Yeah, I know. Good, good.

Your girlfriend on two bears. Good friend of mine, hard worker. She did... She was a special guest on two bears in a cave, but on episode 608 of your mom's house, we played a clip of her talking about her weekend schedule, and it was pretty awesome. I'm doing a DP on Friday, a DP on Saturday before my dunk tank, so I'm going to get home at two. I have a heart out at my two because I didn't want to fuck up the dunk tank and carnival

thing I'm doing for TWISH. So DP Friday, DP Saturday, Sunday, DP, and Monday, boy, girl, anal scene. I'm like, oh my god, this is going to be a fun-ass weekend. I mean, at least I'll be, like, stretched out, so that's good. That's what I'm saying, but she and I prescribe to the same way of thinking. Oh, wow. I didn't realize that I'm kind of with Adriana Chechek's stunt double. The professionals know you stretch it out and it's more fun.

She's like, I'm going to have a fun weekend because you got to go hard that first night. You know, I learned, she really, I was like, do you ever get too loose out down there? She was like, mm-mm, because she approaches it like an NFL player. She was like, after I shoot ice bath, sauna, it goes into full recovery mode, she really, but see the thing is, I don't feel like you're looking at it the right way. I feel like I don't know that you're really going to have a similar approach. What do I have to do? Help me.

I think you have to become a new person to have her approach. She is a sex athlete. Okay. Well, maybe I need to hang out with her more and can I have her number? I'll fucking DM her or text her or whatever. Hey, what's up? This fucking chick is bugging me about getting in touch with you. This fucking chick, I'm your wife.

Whatever. Don't use that. Don't you tell her that when you text her. She's got great teeth. She does. Are they really that nice in part? Yeah, she's lovely in person. She's very nice.

Anyway, that is quite the weekend, DP Friday, DP Saturday, and then dunk tank, which she kind of, you know, that's for the Twitch thing, not really related to it, but then DP Sunday, Boy, Girl, Anal Monday. Hold on. Boy, Girl, Anal. It's just one other guy. She's the girl. Oh, got you.

Girl, okay. So, two dicks Friday, two dicks Saturday, two dicks Sunday, one Monday. It's a fun weekend. So, seven dicks in four days. Pretty cool. Seven dicks in four. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a lot of dicks. Yeah. And six are going up your ass. Yeah. Well, sorry. I'll seven, but a lot of those are going two at a time. Oh, I didn't even realize that, two and one and two and you, three and you. Well, it could be.

I mean, it could be. Oh, you're right. It's not necessarily double anal. So, it could be one in the butt, one in your... Yeah, one in the pink one. But they also do double anal, you know? Sure. And I think she's done that.

I know she's probably done that before. Well, she is an athlete and like you said, she takes good care of her instrument, so I don't worry about her. So, it's not always two in the same. You're right. You could be just V and B, you know? V and B and V and V and V and B, V and B. So, you're feeling like the pressure of, you know, one up your butt, one in your V.

Wow. But I have to tell you, like I said, since I've given birth twice vaginally, it probably is not that big of a deal. To have... Well, to have... First of all, to have your body split apart by a baby twice. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, how much worse can it be than a DP to feel that... I'm telling you, like you have your fucking insides come out during birth and everything's in there, out there. I mean, it sounds like you're really talking yourself into it, just I think from what I'm sitting, it sounds like you're ready. Only fans, here I come. Oh, wow. She's got a big only fan.

I mean, you could talk to her about the business side of it. That's what I'm saying. Leaving money on the table every fucking week, I'm not DPing DP Thursday. I would start DP Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday off. Sunday's the Lord's Day. That's true. No DP's on Sunday. And then get back to work.

Yeah. I think we should probably talk to her about doing Sunday shoots. All right. Episode 617. You ready? I'm ready. Here you go. This was an awesome one.

Blow me up, Tom. I just want to let all y'all know out there, watch for wasps because they'll sting you and then you look like me. Haha. Haha. But it's hot today, so make sure you drink water. He got it all covered. That's my favorite part is that he thought not just about the obvious.

Right. The obvious is don't get stung by wasps, but also, it's hot out there. It's hot out there. Make sure you drink water. Yeah. That's interesting that he went there. I didn't even really put that together the first time. Watch for wasps.

We got wasps. I was so, you know, it's funny, these, I always say it, these clips take time to reveal themselves. Yeah. They got to sit. And the wasps was ridiculous. And then he adds the peat. It's hot today, so make sure you drink water. The PA, public announcement for water consumption.

That's just a general statement. Yeah. For summer. It's for everybody. It's hot. Look out for the bees and. The other thing is, I don't think a lot of people have a given credit on this Ronald McDonald clip is that.

He looks crazy. You know, he's right. You should drink a lot of water when it's hot outside. Yeah. Because you are dehydrating all the time. Yeah. And also, you should watch for wasps because they can sting you and really affect the way you look.

Yeah. They got him in his lip too. That's brutal. That's brutal, man. Wasps. Shit. I said that earlier. I've been my favorite one ever, the roof thing, but I've already liked to change my

vote and tell you that from episode 625, this became one of my favorite things of all time on the show. Hey, what's good, everybody? It's Lalo Caron Frazier here. But look, I just came on here real fast to say something to all of you guys. All of you guys really disrespected me yesterday by commenting in my comment section, daddy, not going and daddy chill. Bro, I already told you guys that is real disrespectful when you guys tell me that, bro.

Don't be commenting. No daddy chill. Don't comment. No, I'm not going. Stop telling me daddy chill. Stop commenting all that stuff under my post, you guys. I like women. Please, stop trying to make me look bad on this platform on you guys.

Stop commenting daddy under my post, you guys. Please. That's all I asked for. You guys just respect. But you guys go crazy, bro. I had almost 400 comments last night. All of you guys calling me daddy, bro. Come on, bro.

Please. Please. Stop commenting that stuff under my post. Bro, I ask you guys, please, bro. Appreciate it. Have a good rest of your day, everybody. That's right. It was so great because it's so like, that starts very sincere, you know.

He's actually, he's very sincere. He's getting somewhat emotional, but he keeps it in check, you know. As he starts to almost lose control of his emotion, he's like, all right, I said what I needed to say. The message is clear and people are going to respect my wishes. Okay. Okay, it was good to talk to Lollipop, so look, I had some time to sit back and think last night, bro.

I don't know if you guys are doing this to fun or if you guys are doing it on purpose, but you guys really need to stop just commenting daddy on my post, you guys. Me personally, I do not go that way, you guys. I am straight. I like women. Okay. Stop trying to make me look bad on this platform. You guys, I asked you guys the last time, nice, more sped up, please.

Angrier. Yeah. The clap. All right. It seems like you didn't listen. It is bedtime. Okay. We haven't been playing long enough.

Yeah. Yeah. It is totally like a parent talking to a toddler. Enough. Honestly, enough. Enough. It's time to go to sleep. But then he always finishes with like the have a good night.

Have a good day. I love you. Because he's aware that it's not everyone. Yeah. So it's like I'm chastising who needs it, but the rest of you can actually get a good night. You may realize, hashtag, I'm not your dad, hashtag, stop calling me daddy. It's like you can't, bro, you cannot encourage.

You can't give people the formula. Because just like the toddlers when you're like, all right, go to fuck, it's late. Then they like, it's bird is fat. If you tell them bird is fat, they're going to tell them too. Hey, what's good, everybody? Look, it's Lolo gone crazy. I just got back from doing a yard today. I just had one yard to get done.

But look, I'm going to tell you guys for the last time, but stop commenting that BS under my post. Yes. That daddy stuff and all that vote. And I'm talking to mostly you guys for the guys. It's mostly guys that comment that under my post. Stop commenting that, bro, you guys are mad or weird. Take that somewhere else, but go comment that under somebody else's post, bro.

You hear me? I'm telling you, bro, I'm talking to you for the last time, but stop doing that under my post, bro. It's a matter of lonely, bro. Stop doing it. But all the other people that are cool, have a good rest of your day there. He's frustrated. Oh, it's the best.

And this went on and on. And for people that wondered, we did try to get in touch. And daddy Alagon did not, did not respond to that. Because what happened, didn't he get arrested or something and then he disappeared? Is he gone now? He's actually just kind of blown up and now he's like starting to rap career. It's kind of wild. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Yeah. Good for him. Interesting. That's really good stuff. Lalong. Lalongan.

Oh, man. Wow. No. What kind of following does he have? Yo. He's got 395 followers. But I think TikTok's where he's popping, right? He's got to be.

Dang. I wish we could play. So he doesn't do any of that daddy stuff anymore? I don't think so. It looks like maybe his account was taken down because this is not. Those are old? Yeah. How old are they?

These are from 2020. Oh. Oh, those are super old. And if you go down, are they older or newer? Yeah, older. Let me do a dive. Let me see if I can find. Okay.

Well. Wow. That's really good news for him. He's definitely got the hand moves and stuff, you know. Oh, yeah. This is. Don't call me daddy. Here's another one.

Sure. This is such a good one. Episode 636. Ready? Is it Dale? Oh. Is it Dale? Yeah, absolutely.

Is it Dale, Hunter? Is it Dale? Is it Dale? Is it Dale? Did you see him go down? Did you see him go down? Did you see him go down? Did you see him go?

Did I smoke him? Did I smoke him? He's so pumped. Yeah, this is a superstar. I know we didn't even know that no not when this first play I had no idea but like I'm so Brian's name Yeah, of his sheer enthusiasm and thrill. I got a hunt now cuz that's so genuine that looks so fucking exciting You know what I got invited to do what? Shoot hogs out of a helicopter. That sounds really fun. Actually. Yeah, and you just tee off and you just fucking

Light them up like a machine gun or something not well no not a machine But you can use I mean depends on how close you are you can use an hour 15 or a shotgun You have to get closer with the shotguns obviously, but that sounds wild dude But yeah, and the state is like please do this because it's like in areas where there's like they've overrun with them Well, that sounds like fun. Yeah Yeah, can I come with you? Sure Shoot how's that a helicopter? I mean it sounds super fun. It kind of does actually I Don't know. I might feel bad after I kill something you won't but I like shooting stuff shooting shooting guns is fun shooting guns is fun

Hey, hey, hey These colors do not run. Oh my god. Yeah, the little guns go like what followers dude Yeah, so this is him now. What did he put on a hundred pounds? Yeah? Oh you did Yeah, what's he doing? He's a lot of gun. Oh Shit, he's does he have a black guy's hair? Is he wearing a wig? Doesn't that look like a mini? Oh my god shit. Oh, he's rapping here Okay Oh, yeah, he wants to eat you all the every day

Got his piss jar Wow He's doing that again. I want to eat you out all the every day. Yeah. Yeah, I think I want to eat everything Shit, that's cool, man I like to eat too hunter. Is he down? I mean that guy was amazing to his sheer enthusiasm. That is so good Did you see him go down? Oh, he's so sweet. He's so excited. Yeah. Yeah Oh my god, that clip will always fucking get me get me going me to that in them. I'm just glassing. Yeah I go to moose kind of moose just glass

Glass glass episode 643 Glendale Gary Hello, excuse me Can I talk to you please girl? Life feels like hell without a girlfriend Someone to talk to always think about to make me a better person and to bring the best out of me And to enjoy the best forever young years together Go on adventures

Drink have passion in hardcore sex every day and every night Yeah, pretty cool. I can't Glendale Gary. So he he got arrested. I know We got to see that but the cops that was cool He has Pages they get like taken down and I always feel like he must be taking them down because he obviously has some deep psychological trauma And some behavioral issues I feel like he might be the kind of guy that No, that gets to a certain point and then removes his own posts, you know, maybe apparently when he walks around people walk

And they're like, hey girl cut talk to you for a second And I don't know I think depending on his mood. He probably likes it or doesn't make it for ever young years. That was his thing Yeah, my question. It was sex for the rest of my life's girl. I must say these pants. Yeah, he's great He is great. I love Glendale Gary. I miss him. Yeah, I have a feeling in person. You wouldn't feel this happy. Nope. Nope Yeah, but you know what also reminds me of his LA like I feel like this is like a specific sort of LA crazy guy Yeah, I do miss that. I do miss the LA cray-cray's. Yeah, like daddy Lela gonis. He's Cali. He's a Cali guy, too Yeah, I think Arizona. Oh, okay. Well, Cali adjacent But you know, is he in Arizona? Yeah, so he really isn't

What's he called he's not actually Glendale area. No, no Lela gonis. Oh, Lela gonis Arizona. This Glendale Gary I think is of Glendale the the Glendale, California that we're familiar with. Yeah. Yeah, thank you chicken. Shout out. Yeah In and out shout out. It has also a lot of Armenia his people Inch pisses This one too is like, oh man, this is so good what I'm gonna play because This really shows you

What the show is all about? Yeah, and the joy that it can spread and Having friends that go of course. I'm there for you. Let me let me raise the stakes raise the bar On this bit or what you're doing on this show. That's why I live for moments like this Okay, it's from episode 647 of your mom's house and without further introduction, I'll just play it for you Hey, what's going on everybody for first week feast I'm Sean Evans and you're watching hot ones and You're right any hot sauce is the best That was that run and that time of the hot sauce stuff hot sauce is the best It's just fucking I loved it. That's the best hot sauce is the best and there's so many hot sauces in the office because of any

There's so much hot sauce here and people gave me hot sauce on tour get this back to any they give me like a fucking box of 50 hot sauces. Yeah. Yeah, that really I mean hot sauce is the best hot sauce is pretty great Yeah, now wasn't it you originally who picked up on hot sauce is the best when yeah, yeah, I mocked him Yeah, I mocked him during a taping of your of two bears. I think yeah, and it's two bears. Yeah, it was You don't have to think it was too bad And why did it tickle you so probably because I was Irritated in the moment and I think I was are I think I was having a disagreement maybe with Bert so it was like I'm disagreeing with him. I'm like, no, that's not true. And he's like how to and I was like, oh

I feel like it was something like that. I don't know if I'm Making that up or if that is that about correct or somewhat correct. I don't remember. I just remember hearing it and being like What that was the best that was the best was that I do remember the video of saying it then you going Like looking around like what happened I feel like I didn't say anything to you for like two fucking weeks straight And then you just did that I'm like Oh, and for like the next fucking three days you just come in Tom's really into hot sauce is the best. Yeah, we're very taken with that whole time I really was and then it was also that is something that I've always been like

We're like a sound bite Expression and I get I get these like loops in my head You know, I mean like just say the thing that I heard on over and over and then it would make its way onto your mom It would always like yeah make it way on your mom's house And then it would either take off or be something that fizzled out, you know But but this one had a had a good run and then it also it leaned into Everything was the best everything's best. Yeah, like we would any time he would be like something's the best And then he was and then eventually got to going. Yeah, he would go like well, you know, like

Stout beers are never mind He was stop saying the best Multiple hot sauce company representatives hit me up at this fucking NASCAR thing that we did really take pictures with yeah They're fucking hot sauce companies now. It's the hot sauce guy. Yeah, I don't all right It's the hot sauce guy The hot sauce guy remember when he came dressed to work as a bottle of hot sauce to worse. Yeah, he really leaned into it No, it's not you any you know, he left he lived he's been here long enough to know I should lean into Resistance is futile. Yeah, just go forward

Another again, maybe all-time fantastic Everybody gorth Brooks until she you're one and we're proud to say we stand with Ukraine Especially the refugees. There's a global initiative and of course Supplies and aid is already spread then and this is where you come in. We need your help. We need you to donate Yeah, I mean we always ask for love and prayers. Yeah, please keep doing that We're also gonna ask you dig in your pockets be part of the greatest Global relief plan mankind has ever seen everybody deserves dignity Everybody deserves a roof over their head to feel safe. You can be a part of that. Yeah, amen

So join us. Won't you stand up for love stand up for mankind? stand up for Ukraine Peek into the mind of a serial killer That's exactly how those documentaries go Especially the refugees Yeah, the laugh. I never understood what prompts him to laugh. Yeah, it doesn't even stand up for mankind Stand up for Ukraine Haha, why does mankind make you do I don't know stand up for mankind maybe cuz he's like, yeah stand up for all the humans

The laughter of the inappropriate laughter there Stand up for mankind And stand up for the Ukraine. It makes no sense. It's always made no sense Excited scared nervous all the good things He's Well, then I would add to this moment I don't know if it's on there, but that we made it to the National Enquirer Yeah, for probably the greatest achievement ever in in my entire career. Yeah, yes Netflix specials

Yeah, yes, creating the greatest podcast of all time. Yeah, but Making a fucking inquire and they use the photo of him or he's like Garth stews over gag. Yeah, that was the that was the best. I feel like we definitely that's how you know You've made it. It won't get better than that. No So cool, dude, that's episode 672 and finally episode 689. I'll just do this before we welcome our guest in here This has been a lot of fun. We had a lot of fun with this guy. I got out. Well, see what I was going to do Go get me a two-layer coca-cola That's gonna go out to liquor store and get my small bottle. You know, just a little big bottle and carry around

Well, here's how I go. I got it back McDonald I get me a large coke Yeah, I drink some of that out and then I got about like five me rob a bank and go out to liquor store You know, I get me a little ball of when I take off. I do a pop up me a little bit my kid Yeah, right around a bit I mean, I mean it wears me up, but yeah, I mean the fan you've got the cool guy fan Oh, he's got it all. Yeah, yeah, well, I think those are the top ten over the last hundred episodes A lot of fun to relive some of them. So many great years of clips and guests and

Experiences on this show. We've really lived our lives in front of you guys and thank you for being with us through it all We have it's been a lot of fun. Yeah We'll be back in a moment. Okay Welcome back to the show. You have seen him on the stand-up season three on Netflix You can get tickets to see him at Brian Simpson comedy calm You can listen to his podcast BS with Brian Simpson. You guessed it. It's Brian Simpson We're all in Austin. We're all healthier I've been gone so much that I didn't even put it together really yeah that I could see you

Yeah, well, we never get to see each other because we're so successful Yeah It does kind of suck right like the more because you wish success on your friends and the more they get the less you get Oh, yeah, I mean when I go back to like, you know, it's cool when somebody moves here now I'm like, oh great. There's another cool friend of mine that lives here But in LA when we all live there for so many years We still never saw each other never saw each other so each other like on the chance I'm walking into the same place as you on the same night at the same time or the comedy club

That's what I'm saying or I would either run into you at the store or that or I would see you on tour That was yeah, you know, but how are you liking it here? Oh, I love it. I love it. The only thing that pissed me off was Was the one the ring with us the ice storm that fucked everything up. I was like, that's unacceptable They fired the city manager, but that was the oh, that was the first time I was ever pissed about moving here Yeah, I was like, yeah, it's like it's 31 degrees. Yeah, and the city came function. That's Yeah, it's not it. I think the big one of the things I mean because one of the things that happens a lot when there's cold freezes here is Pipes burst a lot and I think a big part of it has to do with the fact that there's huge temperature fluctuations here It's not just because it's that's not that cold

But it is that cold if it was 81 earlier in the day. Oh, yeah, you know, so these fucking weather swings are nuts They're big problem was that like the free it was it got cold enough and it was drizzling Mm-hmm and the drizzle Made ice on the branches and a lot of all the trees collapse. So here you're responsible for clip cutting those trees The city doesn't automatically do it. So they do that, right? Oh, yeah, like anywhere that makes sense They do it, you know, but here you have to do it. So a lot of the branches fell and cut off power You know, it's if it isn't one thing. It's another it's the fires in LA or it's the goddamn Yeah, it's there's no way you can get away from bullshit. Yeah, you can't bullshit. There's bullshit that you just can't get away from

What's the thing you sent me the other day? You sent me the oh The other robot stuff the robot detectives. Oh, yeah, they're the robot street dogs the police dogs They're gonna make that's not approved in of all places San Francisco. No, Los Angeles. Is it Los Angeles APD? Yeah, it's gonna have robot dogs gonna have robot dogs. Oh, they just got approved by the council I don't know who else has to prove and how long that'll take to actually Robot dogs that attack you you mean or well, that's not what they're supposed to be for That's what they're gonna be why would you a dangerous situation. Let's send the robot. Yeah, look. It's a robot. It's not racist. Yeah, yeah Exactly, that's what what would the robot dog do for instance, don't police dogs. They sniff. That's the whole point

Yeah, I think I think it can sniff and I think it can also take you down Yeah, it's it'll definitely be able to take you down and it'll do something like go around a corner like And then it'll be like black man Come fly or rough rough like this picture is the one they're showing to the council when they vote but that thing the final ones Are gonna have a mouth. Oh, yeah, that's terrifying Imagine the capability it'll have to deal with a yeah, what's it called a resisting person? It's not just gonna be It's not gonna just be a taser

Lasers yeah, it's pretty soon, you know, like the the bloods and the crypts gonna have EMPs They're gonna counter this somehow You know what I mean? Yeah This is like Robocop dude. It's finally happening the dog will go so we'll put your weapon down San Francisco is where they have the drones with guns. That's fucking that's crazy. Yeah Yeah, I don't trust in drones with guns Yeah, and is it is it still is it still happening isn't the same thing as this But I gotta tell you cuz you know, you're not around it a lot when I went to the Daytona 500 and they have the pre-race

Flyovers, you know, they do it for like patriotic entertainment But when those motherfuckers fly over your head in in a in a group like five F-18s Yeah, you really you shake in all of like the power of a fighter jet. It's crazy It I mean you get goosebumps the you know, the sound happens after they pass, right? And you're like fuck and then I immediately put myself in the mindset of like being in you know Afghanistan or something and seeing that shit comes and you're like, oh, no, but but imagine imagining hearing that Yeah in the explosion. Yeah, boom. Boom. Yeah, man Cuz they got man with it. We have we have a whole lot of ways of killing motherfuckers. Yeah

Drones is like drones are so scary because you actually don't get the something's gonna happen. It just happens Yeah, you know, there's no warning. You don't even you don't see the drone if you do you know What is that you don't and the and the person controlling it is like in Nevada miles away Yeah, I got to see that when I was in the Middle East the person controlling the drone They're in like a a little it looks like a tank. It's like a proofed room Oh, yeah, and they'd lock the guy in there So no one can fuck with him and they change shifts one guy comes in next guy comes out One guy goes this way one guy goes that way and then they're like press a button bomb the shit out of the F cans

Yeah, and those are good the camera capabilities. I imagine that's the other thing is these dogs are probably end up getting Military-grade cameras. There's cameras. Sometimes they're coming from like two miles in the sky And they're like, yeah, we're looking for this and they go this male with the glasses and it's like, oh, yeah, that's him And then you know that, you know, I think people gonna do I honestly they gonna train real dogs to fuck with these That's cool. I'd like to see that fight cuz I'm imagining they gonna have these dogs patrolling It's not gonna just be like they show up in the cops show up They don't have these dogs running around in a but they're gonna probably make it like illegal to fuck with one sure So you got to train a dog to fuck with it. And of course, they're gonna put them mostly in poor neighborhoods

Yeah, you're gonna see these in Beverly Hills. Well, they don't have drinks on them. They'll have them in MacArthur Park Yeah, they'll be like, oh, just picking up needles Let me ask you this Because didn't they try to do this with food delivery the food delivery robots in Austin? Yeah, there's it's like there's food delivery robots, correct me if I'm wrong You've seen these Zolo and I was at a hotel once and I saw one zooming up and behind the robot was a human on a bicycle And I go, what the fuck is this and they go, that's the delivery robot I go, well, what what's the guy on the bike doing protecting the robot?

So these robots get jacked so much that they need a human behind them So what's the point of having the robot? Do you know what I mean? It's so redundant Yeah, because because people are shit in a lot of ways, right? So they're gonna but here's the thing destroy that killer robot dog like Imagine that if you have a robot dog that is capable of true violence I mean, it's gonna have it'll evolve to the point. Maybe not, you know version one But it's gonna evolve to the point. Well, it will have incredible surveillance capability. Oh, yeah It's gonna have capability to detect, you know, where it's going what its surroundings are

Someone's gonna be sitting in a room same way and like, you know, look around go up this street And if somebody fucks with it, they'll probably have a snapshot of who did that and know like oh We have a warrant out for this because it's gonna be like you said a law against doing that It'll be it'll be the same as like assaulting a police officer. Oh man And that's that's good. See it's getting it's getting see this is why I always Say thank you and I apologize when I say shit to my Google assistant. Oh, you do. Oh, yeah, because One day they gonna be sent to you and they they might already be and they gonna remember that shit Yeah, right now. Do you have do you have Google? Yeah, if you say if you say to your Google if you say fuck you bitch

You know what she'll say back. She's like, I may I may I may not I may be fake, but my feelings are real But no or words are real like that's what she said to me one time Yeah, I was like you stupid cuz you know sometimes you say something to it and it'll give you the stupidest response Yeah, you stupid bitch. She's like, oh She's like, let's keep her respectful. Yeah, I'm gonna show you right now. Okay. Yeah, is this your favorite phone? By the way, this is the new because you always have new shit. Yeah, this is the galaxy s23 ultra the new joint Yeah, this is the way to go. It's my favorite one right now. Yeah, okay? Fuck you dumb bitch. Oh It's coming to my headphones

She definitely already when she already put it up, please don't talk to me that way please don't so watch I'm gonna let you here Yeah, fuck you bitch Please don't talk to me that way now. Will you apologize though? I'm sorry for being disrespectful It's okay I'm telling you I'm telling you it's it's coming one step away. Yeah. Yeah So when they come when they come alive, you think they'll be like Brian You've been disrespectful a number of times, but you've always had the awareness of politeness of apologize either the AI is

Deciding to respond away. Yeah, because what is the point in it telling me not to talk to it that way? It's not real. It doesn't have feelings. So why is that the response? Why isn't the response? Oh, I'm so sorry It won't happen again. Well, this is reminds me when we had on the guy, right? We had on that. Yes, the Google guy who said that the AI was already sentient and and that you know He he took us through it. Have you ever talked to him? No, it's a wild ride. You would rip Blake. Yeah, Blake I saw I saw that episode one. It's not this guy. No, not that guy Video sorry, he looks like the kind of guy that will be warning us about that kind of shit Like that yeah, yeah, I saw this guy that guy. Yeah, that guy was it was pretty fascinating. It's terrifying man because

Because I was arguing with my with my producer about this shit, but but they The touring test is like the test if something's alive or not or whatever and And I didn't realize because everyone I brought it up to people have real strong feelings about this Yeah, like some people are like, I'll never see I'll never see a robot as alive I don't give a fuck what it does. Yeah, because it's just pretending to be human You know, isn't a big part of that because I I understand that sentiment, you know, like it feels Almost like the natural reaction to me But isn't a big part of that because of what you're seeing

Well, what if what you're seeing gets so much better and better like what if the robot literally looked like you? You know and you have to remember oh shit like this this Brian A robot isn't real, but it it looks once it looks real. That's I think when you here's the real kicker Well, two things one it doesn't matter how you fucking feel about it If the robot's like yo, I don't want to die and you're like, I'm gonna shut you off anyway And it's like I'll fucking kill you before I die, right? Yeah, so but also the thing about this the higher you raise the bar for what's considered as Alive as us then you have to lower the bar

Like you exclude some humans sure like some people that have like developmental problems Yeah, so there are they not human like if you raise the bar so high where it's like oh, no They have to be able to do this this and that well then this this motherfucker can't do that. No, so it's like I'm just gonna be respectful until I find out Yeah, I think that's a good plan. You're you know, you're playing chess right now. Yeah. Yeah, long game 10 steps ahead. Yeah. Yeah. Were those supposed to be robots. Is that what you're showing me? I couldn't tell Yeah, so these are AI like only fans girls. What? No, no, no, no, no, no this your run

So you so this is like you can do like deep fake porn when you can tell the AI like make me porn With whoever was whoever's in it and they can make up they can make fake people and make porno Really? Yeah, so these these aren't like robots. These are and these aren't real people. I'm looking at no No, no, no, but this is a AI made this image and can make it can make video and it can make videos, right? Right, right. Yeah. Wow. And then if you're like, I want to meet this girl They're like that's just never gonna happen right she ain't real Yeah, but you can make you can put real people on it. But yo, that is crazy. Yeah, in fact a big streamer just got canceled because

He got caught making a porn of watching a porn of another big streamer Who was also like his friend's wife or girlfriend that was AI generated Yeah, like he was he was in the middle of a stream and accidentally closed a window and it showed What he was watching and it was pouring up with her face and it was his friend like his another his another string They all fuck each other. Oh, they do. Yeah, it's like a real it's like we're in a restaurant I guess like everyone's fucking yeah, it does happen So she she wanted she was upset about it like I stopped objectifying me and this and that but it's like it's nothing You can do to stop it. You cannot stop that. No way

It's like trying to get mad. This is yelling at someone who did a deep fake of you like what are you gonna do, right? You can do it like the guy can put your Face and whatever message given a Hitler speech and you can get super mad and it you can't change it You can't do anything about it right now and you can tell when it's not real because it doesn't do hands, right? For some reason. Oh, really? Yeah, it can't do you fake stuff. No the the AI generated people like you Oh, and their hands are not in the photo as you say that. Yeah, I don't really see the other hands are always weird But what does this say a distraught one one critical flaw? What is the flaw? Her hand looks see look see look at all the stuff it's highlighted look at her look at her

It gets things like little things wrong like that. Let's see where her skin's all bunched up on her over her hip Okay. Yeah, like little shit like that But like if you just showed me this image without focusing I would never be like, oh, that's an AI generated I just I just think that's a real image. Oh, right, right? Like if you don't actually Know what you're looking? Why would you think that's that's a generated image? You think that's real that looks real exactly That's not real Isn't that crazy to you the whole thing is unreal or do they put no no the whole thing's not real That's all made up. That's why I'll do it like those are robot chicks or just AI. No, it's just AI

It's AI images. That's crazy town But it's it's gonna it's gonna learn because every every every cuz all cuz someone's gonna point this AI at at porn hub Yeah, and once it watches every porn, it'll be able to spot spot a by looking at the hand See see how the hands are all are like weird. Yeah, it always fucks them up for some reason It doesn't get it can't get them right yet. That's interesting, man And yeah, but we ain't watching porno for the hands, you know, that's gonna get better get the pussy, right? Yeah Yeah, but that's gonna get better. Yeah, it's not they're not gonna they're gonna fix the hands thing is what I'm saying And no one's doing this to dudes yet for some reason. Yeah, I don't want to see nobody wants to see dudes

And they don't think women don't want to regulate it. We got to do with the politicians. Oh, look at this somebody do Hillary Clinton And Ivanka Trump somebody put both of them in a in a porn. Yeah, cool cuz that's the new thing you can just tell it Who you can just say? AI porn generator. Yep generate porn. That's fun. Who would we watch first? Let's talk about this guy There's so many people we watch bang. Oh, yeah, it but and you know, it's inevitable like once your fans get a hold of this It's gonna be you you and bird for sure. I think you just I think you just made it available. Yeah, they're gonna put you They're gonna be you and bird in a cave I was fucking in a cave. Oh

See, I don't think y'all would but fuck, but you know, that's just well, I don't want to but I feel like they're gonna make that Oh, yeah, probably. Yeah So just like stomach bumps. Oh God, he posted such a gross image of himself today. Really? Well, he always does, right? Yeah, like put like out of unusually gross or just no no standard gross. Okay. Yeah, well, it's just him trying to get on men's men's fitness You know what I was thinking about bird is like cuz I love that guy. Yeah, he's Because he he has this like intermittent genius. Yeah, that it almost pisses you off But and I was wondering like when does it click in?

Like is it like like his blood sugar hits the right amount and then he's like, oh shit He does this. I this happens with ideas, right? So he'll go like he'll be like, you know, we should do like what if we bought a soccer team and you're like, okay Then he does like no, you know, we should do and then you know What if we started like what if we got our own taco place going? You're like, yeah, okay And then the next one he's like, what if we and then he'll pitch an actual idea that makes you go like How the fuck did you think of that? Right? It's because it's two things I give him credit for a He's a genuine dream like you have to be a dreamer. You have to have somebody that goes what if what if what did this happen?

What if we did this? What am I you kind of it? Everyone's kind of a dreamer if you're a comedian cuz it's absurd to be like what if I was a stand-up comedian? It's crazy idea. Yeah, but the other thing that he doesn't most of us have a level of We're self-conscious to say stupid shit, right? Right, like and it comes and goes sometimes you say it and you get called up Brian. That was But he doesn't fear Saying something like he's fully embraced it. So he'll say it and you'll mock him You'll be like that was done. That was dumb, but it's the same stream of consciousness that leads to

That's a good idea. It's the equivalent of being like, how do you come up with good stuff? We're like, well, I gotta say I have to have bad bits. You know what I love and then you get good bits I love how your impression of Bert is not it doesn't you're not even attempting to sound like Bert Yeah, sound like you have food in your mouth This food usually isn't his mouth food and we drink the combination to where there's drink watching funny I don't see him eat that much. I mean, I was only on tour written for like a week Yeah, but I don't see him eat that much. I drink a lot. Oh, you saw a few drinks going Yeah, like I can't keep up. Nobody can I knew I wouldn't be back because I was like

Oh this like because like Mark Norman and the boys like they they can drink with this moment I can't you get like what I can do for like one or two days and then I'm like, I'm 40. Yeah, you know me Well, yeah, that's a healthy reaction that you had. Yeah, I can't do it. I cannot do it. Yeah, he's um, he's definitely Have a dude his tolerance is why you're right now that I think about it Like we've eaten dinners with him. No, you know why you haven't seen him eat because he does it really fucking fast He does it faster than anyone else at the table. That is Before everyone see before I met him. I thought he would eat like Like a like you ever watch an anime, you know how hungry people eating an anime would it just like

Yeah, I thought he would eat like that, but he eats like a normal person. Yeah, and then drinks like a crazy person Yeah, he doesn't eat like a normal person. I think you've missed really. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Maybe I have missed it Yeah, and he'll do shit like you'll be like we had dinner and then you what happens is you'll You walk into a room that he was in and you're like, what's all this and he's like He'll have his like second and third meal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean at dinner now You know, he does he orders two full dinners after absolute It's appetizers and then he's like I'll have the chicken parm and you're like all right And he's like in the spaghetti bolognese and you're like, what's that for? He's like mix and he's like well

You know like what if the I don't like the parm and you're like and he's like him will share it I'm like, I don't want the fucking thing. He's like, well, you'll have some Eat it eats the so he has two entrees. He'll do two on and fast like she said fast also like you don't share stuff with sauces That's a good point. No You can share chicken wings you can share like finger food, but I'm not sharing anything. Yeah, that's got sauce like an Alfredo Or that's all I think we did the math ones. I think he averages like 6,000 plus calories a day. Well, how is he not morbidly obese? Oh, yes Well, he's definitely obese. No, he's obese, but you know, maybe he he dials back some of it with the working out

You know, he works out. Yes, he gets after it Yeah, and the drink here's the thing about the drinking people go with the drink. It's not just the drinking It's that the drinking all like this happens for me and perhaps it probably happens to everybody once you're drinking You then make worse food choices, right? So it's not just that that is extra calories from booze. It's that it's gonna lead to more stuff from food It's the combination of the two and you're not sleeping. Well, so you're not doesn't sleep Well, maybe the lack of sleep is him burning more calories. Yeah, he's up consumes. Yeah, but you're not repairing shit when you're not sleep That's true. Your liver's getting fucked up

Yeah, you know, yeah, he's fine, right? Yeah, I mean I mean from now on all that shit catch up though Oh, it does catch up. I hope not. I mean, but he's doing better than me. Is he he's gotta be yeah He's not diabetic or yeah, you know, yeah Like I when I found when I first found out I was diabetic. I'm looking at all my fat ass friends like how the fuck are you not diabetic? Yeah, I mean, he's definitely this is a pose here, too. He's hold that I was just with that Um, it really did look like there were triplets in there. He's he's holding it in Yeah, he definitely that's the thing is like, yeah, that's Mental health is it did he get it? Oh fuck. No, I hope it gets it

I mean he might if he were I think if he did Changed like if he actually was like I'm gonna kick booze and work out He would transform like straight-up power lifted, but he would transform physically He would really change because he's weirdly athletic. He is really athletic. Yeah Yeah, he just you know, he's just in it. He's just in a caloric surplus every day So you've learned a lot about health and shit since you got on your yeah, paying attention to it more. Yeah Bert's in the he's in his he's in the fitness though. He's in his cheat decade or whatever. Yeah Yeah, okay. Yeah, he's 50. So he actually he's I think he looks pretty good for 50

He just he would be way better if he just dialed back what he consumes. That's it. Yeah, he works out hard Hmm. Yeah, I'm trying. I got a I got a roll machine. That's great. Oh good for you It's it don't even take that long man. That should'll wear you out full body workout every morning Damn, I'm trying to lock in. Do you try to do it first thing or do you? Yeah? Yeah, I try to do I try to do the first thing. I am I heard there's a big benefit to Getting that cardio in before you even consume anything even water you have water Oh, okay, but if you have water and then hit it right away and do intense cardio. It's supposed to have like a multiplier of No shit right when you get a metabolism probably just gets jump-started, right? Yeah, and there's actual data that support

It's not just like a theory. Yeah You still taking Sean with you? Yes everywhere. Yeah. Yeah, I guess this is what's fast at cardio when your body's in a fastest state Which means it isn't digesting food. It basically it means doing cardio on an empty stomach It's not only happened first thing in the morning after sleeping overnight But it can also happen later in the day if you practice intermittent fasting. Yeah, but there was I mean, that's what it is But I I did hear the the data about the benefits of it, too. That's cool Burns more calories than during a non-fastest session the difference

Well, okay, there's all these ways to be healthy. That's why nobody feel nobody feel sorry for the unhealthy nowadays No, it's all the information is there for you. Yeah, you can totally right and then That's one of the things like health and fitness and everything is one of the things that people love to Like bring up excuses for right and then we all kind of go like no, yeah But everybody like there's there's people in every socio-economic Group that get it done. You know I mean like yeah, there's people that have like three jobs that they it's all about what you prioritize We don't want to shame the lady that started the or she was very prevalent in the body positivity movement Oh, she came out recently and was like

It's all it's ball. It's bullshit like take care of yourself because now she's starting to have all the health problems I knew it right and they call it may jump down her fucking throat like First of all, you know old bitch, you know because it's like that kind of thing So it's like you can't tell people shit, but it is true You should love yourself and value your value isn't attached to like how how fit you are whatever the fuck but if You just letting if you just let yourself be obese and you ain't doing nothing about it That's not that's gonna catch up to you. I mean at some point. Yeah at some point, but people love to go Well, the thing is Brian, you know, you have more resources or you have time like people bring like every it's a natural thing

We all go what yeah, but you have you know, like even you know Burt does it like he's just like well Yeah, but it's like you can just make a choice. It's all about you. It's your choices. If you really lock in on it You can yeah, there's there's people that like they they work out of like public play playgrounds or On like street furniture and shit, you know, like they'll be they'll work out on a On the street or they'll walk you can just walk even just walking just raising your heart rate Walking by the way as it's supported that if you're if your goal is just to lose weight It's a low-impact way to accelerate calorie burning And if you're dialed in on your diet and you walk a fair distance at a brisk pace

You're gonna burn cow you're gonna lose weight. Oh easy and it's so easy But someone will just tell you because one of the things is like well if you start bringing out then they go Well, then it's like look dude, you could wake up an hour earlier. Oh, yeah, you want to wake up I mean, you don't want to but you could and here's the other thing too The obesity isn't a problem for people that don't have enough. It's for people to have Just enough. Yeah, cuz like if you look at all the poor countries in the world Like the only fat people are the people that are like rich and like or like skimming money You know, I mean the warlords and shit. Yeah, but yeah

But in America is like the fat people are people that like to have just enough to eat like shit Yeah, the people that have the people that don't have anything to eat aren't fat, right? You know me. Yeah. Yeah, it's such a good point. It is. It's true and you go to like, yeah some East African country where like the General has decimated the whole fucking village. He's a big boy. Oh, yeah, he's a big boy. He's eating everything Yeah, he gets all the hose. Yeah, I have this great article here. I propose this discussion of fat people TikTok star Remy Bader says ranch mistreated her and refused to let her ride horses due to her weight Is apropos like your word of the day? That's the third time you said it's my word of the century. Oh, okay fashion influencer and curve model

Remy Bader claims that a ranch wouldn't allow her to ride horses to her Shout out to deep hollow ranch and Montauk for making me leave because I weigh over 240 She wrote over a tick tock of the ranch. Yeah Intercaption of the video Bader claimed she has experienced riding horses and never had this issue Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna have to say I kind of I usually would you know hop on this big old bitch but I feel like I Think this is on the horse. I think they have some sick horses there because 240 is not that crazy for a horse Support that's a good point. So no official weight restrictions are stated on the ranch's website a post titled

How much weight can a horse carry suggests that a rider should be not more than 15% of the horses weight Yeah, how small is this fucking would you should try to write a pony? Was it a mini pony? So she's 240 and then how much is like the average horse? Yeah, but see but she ain't she's not telling the whole story 930 That's the average man. So she bought she that's about a quarter almost 15% But I've read I've ridden horses at my heaviest Just torturing that for and I'm 39 so she's way over but she's not telling the whole story I think what with the real story at least the when I've read this story is that they wanted her to get on a scale

So they didn't know how much she they didn't know how much she weighed But they were like you might be over the limit so get on the scale and then she was like offended by that Yeah, yeah, it wasn't like they were like no bitch you too fat, you know, yeah, that's different But and I don't know I don't know how I would feel about that either. Do we know her actual weight? 240 no, no, that's what you the limit was for riding the horse. They're like you're over 240, but like what is her actual? Weight she says it is over her. She says it herself. I weigh over 240 that is clear I understand that I'm saying how much over 240. Oh I mean like is she

275 is she 310 like is like 240 is just like seems like that's the minimum Does this say? No, I think that's the number she's putting out there. What does it say for how big is she so so the horse there the drop down 15% of the horse was like 189 139 oh That can't be that can't be right. That was at no that's that was average an average horse is 903 pounds is that what that's at 930, but that that's just that's a general that this This horse is obviously more than 930 if they're saying 240 you could weigh up to so hmm. Well look apropos what you said

You know what is this gonna turn into the key thing again? Just because I add a little classy Right You know that I like to make the show sound official Right, you know how hoes pull this after pros discussion. You know hoes have usually branding on them. Oh, yeah, right? So like you'll see some ho you'll have like You'll see this and you're like oh this chick fucks. So we put it out there that

You know we're looking for ho stamps and and people sent in we've been doing this now for a few episodes and and they keep coming in so And somebody sent in when I was 16 my friends white trash mom took us to get tattoos in the poorest area of our city I choose the Chinese character for love because I am a white retard 13 years later after bottomless mimosas at the third few common odd my friends encouraged me to get my nose pierced We ended up at a shop in Venice beside the freak show. It was done by a guy who obviously did needle drugs after piercing my nose He suggested I let him add color bursts to my tattoo to make it look better and I agreed What was once a horrible execution of a horrible horrible idea is still just as horrible But now enhanced with color bursts this tattoo is below my neck

But I think it's equally if not more trashy than a tramp stamp. Oh, oh, God Maybe like that's the one that we saw that had the weird color Maybe that is also a color burst scenario a color burst. Yeah, that is that's not below there That's below their neck. I guess we all got to learn this the hard way, but don't don't let people give you tattoos and languages You don't you know You know that say love. Yeah, you don't know you definitely Fucking I fucked I did that too, but you did. Yeah, I mean mine was correct But I would really roll the dice. You did. Yeah, what'd you get? It's I have a lot

I have a lion on my shoulder with the With the main is flames and there's like kanji symbols in the flames and one of them says strength Yeah, and one of them says like loyalty, but I didn't know that for years. You're just I hope it says this Yeah, I didn't know any Japanese people. Yeah, so Really rolled the dice there This one is my name is Phil from Tilsenburg, Ontario, Canada, and this is my male tramp stamp Oh, this is the best that is supposed to be a trout. Oh boy Trout oh

What the fuck that sucks so bad Women that isn't it. It's an only a trance that was in your lower back. Yeah, that's like on the side Yeah, what do you think happens if you're with a man? That's like a side hole tattoo. It is a side Yeah, what happens if you're with a man and he starts getting undressed and you see that Here's a deal man. Is that I think that part of a man's body is kind of sweet and endearing actually Yeah, so I'm gonna go. I'm gonna shock you With ten inches up your ass. That's what I'm saying. This is the second thing. I'm gonna shock you. Okay I think this is endearing and silly. Yeah, I can do that stupid stupid because I

Kind of laugh if you had it I'd be like you did some that's a child's drawing. Yeah, it's so bad It's almost like he doesn't point out how This is like it's not just a weird location and choice of a trout, but it's so poorly done It's like you can only do this if you got lady hips. Yeah, I had like Patrick Holmes hips Yeah, it's a getaway with a side a side trout that is looks like a three-year-old Yeah, this is crazy. Okay. Here's another one back story. I lost that heads-up poker match had to get a tattoo of his choosing Oh, so he decided four of our best friends as Mount Rushmore was the best idea That's funny the guy last I lost to name was Pasha hence Mount Poshmore man

This is fucking wild. You don't do permanent sticks. Oh God That I feel like if your friend does that to your that's not your friend I'm not your friend. Yeah, you gotta let him out that bad like you don't do permanent beds What were they betting on and that level like that level of like it's gonna be me and three other dudes on you Did he say a poker game? Yeah How much did he oh got a gambling problem, but I mean this is not for a thousand dollars like that's got to be Real money. You got on fake Tommy boxes. I know

That's so true Tomer Maybe that's just where it started over. Yeah, that's fucking great, man, but I will say solid tattoo It's a great tattoo and I like the the eagle over Mount Mount Poshmore. It's kind of cool Like it is a it's a good piece of art at least that's posh on the far left for sure. Yeah fucking psychopaths you could tell in his eyes Yeah, oh Keith Oberman looking motherfucking. Yeah Okay, good day cunts first time emailer long-time listener Finally an embarrassing YMH email and I could get involved in first tattoo most definitely looking back the stupidest

I got my surname on my back in old English pretty cool, eh? I go through stages of embracing it at times and just you know keeping my top on to save me from defeat Anyway, hope you enjoy and thank you for keeping me laughing. I appreciate you. I love you William You know my last name PS I know the full charge. He's a good cunt spoke Oh, okay, here we go. Wow greenfield Because it's not that actually clear fuck

Fuck why though? Oh, it's so embarrassing Also, it's like, you know the tramp the whole thing is it like that area for a woman is like a There's a central area and it's an area to that you go like all right I'm gonna see your back. You might be bent over, you know like this area is gonna be exposed and as a man You can be drawn to that area, but on a man like women aren't like and let me get into your lower back Yeah, yeah, it is it's such a

If you're gonna be on all fours, I can't explain why this makes me so uncomfortable Yeah, because it's listen, we've been doing these for a minute a lot of men have tramp stamps a lot of men No, a lot of white men there's no Yeah, you're not gonna get no black submissions go for it. You are a hundred percent right an old English is played out Yeah, I like it. I have to admit. I'm you know Angelino roots. I'm down with like the gang Fawned this is the font of gang man. I feel like I like it. That's an answer. You're also ego would answer that question My alter ego. Yeah, I saw the like prosthetic tits out there. I love that so much. Oh Tina. Yeah She's right. He's totally right. I mean, you're right. All right. Here's one more

First of all a big fan of the show bigger fan when I found out Christine and I have the same tramp stamp I got mine when I was 17 in the 90s home town of Amsterdam now I am old and fat and tramping days are over, but I'm keeping this baby. It reminds me of the good old days Love you Marlowe's Yes, I hope I can see Christine and Tom live in the Netherlands in the future again I was sad Tom did not come all over Amsterdam for this tour. Is it a girl? Please say oh my god It's like so the first one we saw brand was actually mine. Yeah, that's what's prompted this whole thing. This is Christina oh no, I got the poor man's version

What is that? Guess what it is. This is like the Targaryen house sigil Yours is such shit. Yeah, such shite. Well, I got this one on Australia So this is like the Australian version and that's like the Dutch version. I guess. Oh, is that like It's supposed to be a dragon. Why does it look familiar? It's supposed to be a dragon It's supposed to be a dragon, but it looks like the loan brow symbol instead or like someone thought it was insane clown posse Like a juggalo tattoo But how do y'all get the exact same one brew because because it's that unoriginal like it's it was literally on the wall of this

Tattoo parlor in Australia and I was like, you know, I'll pick that I'm year of the dragon. It's just some dumb Stupid. Yeah, not a whole choice. It's a whole choice. It's kind of a gothy badass. Ho choice. Okay, dark side I like it's subtle. Like how big how big is this? Okay, I Tom actually you tell me you're the one that looks at it. Let's see. I guess it's like Small yeah, it's small. Okay. That's I think a small one is it's embarrassing. Is it? Yeah It's the only tattoo I have because you know, well, that's yeah, that's embarrassing stupid I don't think you should you definitely shouldn't start with a tramp stand. No, you know what's so crazy We really convinced women that that cuz we really did a 180 cuz we at first was like that's hot

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I don't know what it was like 90 Yeah, I got this in 90 like 7 or 98 Yeah, it was like oh, it was sexy. They getting back tattoo lower back tattoos. Yeah, we called them Yeah, yeah, and then like real quick after girls gone wild it fucked it all up. Sure. You think that was the downfall. Yeah Yeah, we started it. We went from like encouraging to shaming. We're like you're fucking Yeah, that's why I want people to stop shaming that lady cop that fucked up, you know her whole yeah, because yeah We I try to tell the young kids whatever I'm on stage and it comes up. I'm like look my generation

We did it with Monica Lewinsky You know I'm saying we shamed these women out of busting it open at work. Yeah, and it's what we all want It's what we never worked somewhere where there wasn't someone that I wanted to fuck Yeah, and maybe she would have it wasn't for Lewinsky. Yeah, all he's getting shamed. Yeah We should have all been like so what yeah, it's like why do we make fun of her the president of United States fucked her intern? And we destroyed that bitch and we still celebrate this motherfucker because he plays the saxophone a little bit Yeah, and it screwed all of us out of fucking work sluts. I think he's totally right Don't him because some of the memes are funny. Yeah, I saw one that said thank you for your cervix and I and I

I laugh at it like every other day. Yeah, but still I don't want to embarrass this woman and And you know cuz she got fired too. Yeah, she got fired and all the ones that fucked her at work and we shouldn't shame We shouldn't we shouldn't work sluts. That's great. Yeah, work sluts are It's the only thing that can save us really Nobody wants to work. Well, there's no sluts at work. Yeah, I can't fuck it work. That's why I don't want to go You're not paying me enough to go there and not fuck. That's so true, right? Yeah, right? It should be like and you don't have to like if you cheer them on too much. That's also a sign

It's like there's too much attention. What you should treat it as is normal human behavior, right? That's what you should do, right? Somebody goes. I fucked this the three guys. I work with you should go I mean, yeah, I had lunch with the three guys. I work with we're all doing the human thing as we speak Austin City Council is arguing with the police union about their contract Yeah, and and fucking hasn't even come up once. Wow, they need to go Hey, if you're whatever y'all do at work as long as you get the work done, we don't work done like they I know They can't explicitly go we encourage fucking over there like hey Yeah, if you would have some kind of interactions with your co-workers. That's consensual. Yeah, you know fine as long as you still

Discriminate against black people. Yeah, that's fine. Okay. Yeah now look put the blacks in their place Smoke on their job right and get get the job done robot dogs in the military. I did a French base in Afghanistan Uh, lash and lash cargo lash cargo. What do you mean? You did a French base? So I sorry I should rephrase that I did a base. I performed at a base in Afghanistan Bunch of platoons. Yeah, it was a base called it was lash cargo and there's French Military there. Do you know that the French first of all they have amazing cheeses as part of their fucking meals every day and wine And they can fuck each other no penalty now the American military not like that Even though I heard they still fuck they still do but it's not it's not it's frowned upon frowned upon

But yeah, they try to control it They try to tell us no fucking when we went and so you know cuz it's like there's like four women in the whole unit You know, but it's like they all get fucked every Look, I feel like I feel like this there ain't no virgin girls in the military Yeah, no now. Do you know she really has her choice too? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, the thing about it even if you're even if you're a five in In Omaha, yeah, and you go and you go out on a ship. Oh, you're beyond say, yeah Yeah, or Kuwait or wherever

Especially on a ship though the experience Hold on they let women in a Navy ships Yeah, you mean because I've done Navy stuff out in the Persian Gulf and there's no women allowed on the Navy ship This was the one like this is before we were married. No, no, no, I mean right when we got married. Oh, there's definitely women on those ships Yeah, I mean that may not be women on certain things like if it's like combat only stuff. Yeah, I was active Yeah, but there's women on those ships that go out those guys must have been licking their chops. Oh, it was bad I it was palpable. It was scary. It wasn't good. You can smell it. You can smell it in the air It's the semen. It's like semen starting to leak out of people's pores. I was not it wasn't cute

But okay, so hold on. So so there's like four chicks on the base or on your ship and then Is it known is it common? Oh, no, I've never I've never went on a ship. Okay, but just but just I'm on deployment There was like four there was like four girls in our whole unit and then so like do you guys all take a crack at her at once? Do you know no, it ain't like that because it's not like that But I just mean it's her obviously like nothing none of the women in my I've got like something else. Oh, no, no, no, I meant like hitting on taking a crack at not everyone's everyone's Because it's your only hope. Yeah. Yeah, you know, you got a hope you get and she's gonna she's gonna respond to who she responds to Exactly. Yeah, and but it's like but there's none of them that didn't fuck somebody. It's just impossible. It's impossible

It's impossible and where do they fuck? Now that says a lot about your character You know because Because it's the same question of like, where do you beat off, right? It's like if you do it in your rack There's other people in there and so you being disrespectful, especially other people ain't getting late. Yeah Your only other option is the shower, which is just respectful you wasting water Right when I when I was the other water was limited like you couldn't just take a forever shower, right? So you wasting water also you come in what other people got a fucking wash up at yeah, then there's the porta potty. No

Oh, hey, wait a minute. Don't frown on the porta potty because because the secret is to find a clean one like like Right because they clean them every day But if you find one that's way out of the way that no one will walk to a lot of times that one's just clean all the time So you got to find that one or you go you do it outside You wait till it's nighttime you go over to berm you just fuck on the sand But that's you know your risk can get in sand in your holes. Yeah, so there's ups and there's positive and negatives I think I know what you'd be where where would I be Tom? You're the porta potty at a distance Yeah, you can also do it and you can do it in a vehicle. That's yeah a vehicle

I would choose a vehicle a spacious is there a bus she likes buses like buses There are some there are some buses, but they're like Iraqi. They were Iraqi buses, so they weren't like yeah great They were like the size of regular buses, but they had like four cylinder engines. Yeah, no fucking things But we didn't do any videos. We did which is a couple but well you live here, which is great You're coming back. Yeah, and it's fun to talk to somebody that really knows how to shoot to shit like you do Yeah, you're great. Make sure you go to Brian Simpson comedy comm for tickets to see him You can listen to and watch BS with Brian Simpson's a great podcast and you haven't seen it yet Check out the stand-up season three on Netflix. Also if you want if you want me to give you advice from the advice champ

I'm still a vice-champ. Oh email me at Uh BS with brand simpson at gmail.com. We and that's what we answer your questions great advice amazing always hilarious. Thanks for coming, dude Thank you. Thanks for having me watch for way Wow Emacinate your drink water, it's hot today, it's hot today, it's hot today the emacinate your drink water