Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Who's More Mentally Ill? | Your Mom's House Ep. 817

Episode Date: July 2, 2025

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Go to http://LIQUIDIV.COM and get 20% off your first order with code YMH at checkout. Go to https://coorslight.com/YMH to see how Coors Light can amplify your summer. And be sure to keep an eye out on Coors Light’s social handles all summer long for more exciting announcements. This week on Your Mom’s House, Tom and Christina are back in Los Angeles! CP’s rocking a bold Zorro-inspired new look and Tom shows off his scar from a street fight with a surfer, and they both break down the fine line between plastic surgery and mental illness. The Main Mommies check out some truly unhinged videos including Adrien Brody’s social media posts, a clip about parasites in places they shouldn’t be, and some gay black dudes swapping spit. Plus, Tom shares the story of his loudest gym fart, CP raises the price of her art, and the two debate whether posing nude at art school is the key to escaping homelessness. Tommy F-Stop also makes his debut on the show, Tom’s kids are as feral as ever, and CP walks us through the bloodiest promo idea ever based on her recent surgery. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 817 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:04:05 - Opening Clip: Ryan Likes Ass 00:08:11 - Christina's New Look & Tom's Surfer Fight 00:20:25 - Adrien Brody 00:24:54 - Goth Basketball Player 00:27:53 - Gay Stuff For Enny 00:32:25 - Clip: Parasites In Your P 00:35:02 - Gym Farts 00:40:24 - Who's More Mentally Ill? 00:45:32 - Movies 00:49:23 - Tommy F-Stop 00:57:20 - Laugh Till Your Face Falls Off 01:02:51 - Closing Song - "4 Stroke Anthem" by Gaping Dad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get ready Milwaukee, I'll be filming the live special taping of my Come Together tour in Milwaukee this November at the Riverside Theater. Tickets and all info is at tomscara.com slash tour. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. We're here doing some Cali episodes. We're in the South Bay, bro. I know, bro.

I love it here so much. I'd love it too. It's the best. It is great. This is like a lot of people don't know they come to Los Angeles. Where it's at is the South Bay. Yeah. This is what's up. It really is, because you're outside of the chaos

of Los Angeles City. Yes. You're in the beach, it's natural as fuck, and like, you know what I'm saying, the vibe is chill and stuff. Very chill vibes. You know what I mean? Yes.

You know what I'm saying? I know what you're saying, and I know what you mean, totally. And we, well it's been a while since we've been, we got the address to this location. Got the address wrong. Well, it's not wrong, it's been a while since we got the address to this location. You got the address wrong. It's not wrong, it's just there's a lot of different addresses that have the same numbers and even street names.

It happens all the time. You can be on, you know, North Bedford in Beverly Hills and then there's another Bedford and it's right down this, like you're always having to confirm. And we put in the address for this place, which is on a well-known street, if you know Los Angeles, called Rosecrans. And we went down to a different street on Rosecrans. You know what I mean?

It was different. So we were down there. Super. Well, it was. You know what I'm saying It was different. So we were down there. Super. Well it was. You know what I'm saying.

It was also like a slow progression. It was slow, yeah. We were slow, we were like, well there's a lot of braid shops. Braids and chicken. Yeah. So many. So many.

And then I was like, that's weird. We were like, huh, this is where the studio is? And then we just kind of turned and parked and I was like hmm there's a lot of bars on windows. Check it out, you know what I'm saying? And like no Pilates studios anymore? No, we're like this is the studio they found?

But then can I tell you what, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah man, tell me. I also felt a sense of excitement at that prospect because it kind of harkens back to the Recita days. Yes. Always a little scared to go to work. Yeah, that was always the right feel of like, huh, I'm tense, I'm anxious, let's go entertain. But gives you that adrenaline that you need. You need it. Yeah. So yeah, it definitely felt like that Stop do more. Yeah, so

Yeah, it was a lot and Anyways, we we figured it out. We're like, oh we're at the other end of Rose Fran's. Yeah, we're in a garden There's no studio here at all There was a lot of people rolling through stop signs, if that gives you any indication. Yeah, a lot of adults on... A lot of grown-up guys on bicycles. Yeah, yeah. A lot of lowrider bicycles.

We did a quick check, and we were like, oh, no, you're about 20 minutes away. So, came back up, and the whole way back, we were like, yeah, it's definitely not the right we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like,

we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like,

we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like,

we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're You're just like panicking and you're just trying to get out. The only thing you know is keep it moving. Whenever you're in the wrong neighborhood, you go, just don't break. Don't break. Especially little blonde girls. No, don't want to do it.

Not so much at the stop signs. But we figured it out. We found the right place. We're here. We're going to tell you all about our summer vibes. That's right. But we should start the show. We should open it up.

Let me get this set and here you go. I'm Ryan and when I say I like ass, I mean goddamn I got ass. Isn't that cool? Guess what Ryan Meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow meow

Meow meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow meow Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh! Woo! Oh, I got ass. He likes ass. Yeah, it's cool. I like when dudes like make an effort to let people know.

I like when dudes like make an effort to let people know. Because otherwise you would see this guy and you would have no idea if he likes ass. Because otherwise you would see this guy and you would have no idea if he likes ass. And it would be in my mind the whole time. Like does this guy like ass? Does he even like ass? Yeah, you don't have any idea. No, and I agree it's nice to know what's out there

and also that he's doing it on the job because that is- Right, that's a safety vest. Yeah, so he's working, taking a break from being safe and letting the world know that he loves ass and letting everybody know in case you see him, he's an ass guy. Do you think he was working, picking up trash on the freeway or whatever? Maybe he was conducting traffic at a construction site. I hope he stopped conducting traffic.

Right. And he was like, he's the slow stop guy. He's like, hold on a second, guys. I got to get this out there. Everyone's going to be confused. They're not gonna know. Does he tell us why he likes it so much? Just letting you know. I'm an ass guy. He also I mean he does other stuff you know. I'm Ryan and I just got a fresh cut for all you beautiful black goddesses out there. Oh sweet. A fresh cut? Look at this. Look at his cut. Oh yeah. But don't you think that a black lady would think

that haircut's goofy? Well yeah, but he's letting, I mean this is like kind of all the pieces of the puzzle, he likes ass. Got it, check. Likes black goddesses. So he's got a type, you know, and he's putting it out there. I see, I see, I see what you're saying. All you do is put it out there,

and then you just see what comes back. That's all you can hope for in a man's life. Yeah, it's just putting it out there He's telling you I got a fresh cut. You like a fresh cut on somebody Yeah, you want me to have sloppy hair. No fresh cut. I know I'm I've been obsessed with David Bowie this summer Yeah, you've had your Hitler summer and for me, it's a David Bowie summer. Yeah, and um I'm I just watched about the courtship with him and Iman. And they're like, we met at the party, and she's like, hi, I'm David Bowie,

we were married a week later. A week later? No, a year later. Really? But you're like, yeah, that's David Bowie. Yes, David Bowie, it's different. Nobody says no, and he doesn't have to put it out there. If David Bowie says hi to you, you're like, yeah, let's get married.

Yeah, she's something else. Oh, Iman? Yeah. She's perfect. Yeah. She's a statue. Yeah. She's not even real. Beautiful. I bet Ryan would go crazy. Oh, shit! Yeah, full circle!

You know, maybe if we can get this clip to Iman. Oh! And she sees his fresh, I mean, she's a widow. She's single. Maybe she's like, oh shit, look at this guy in his fresh cut, he likes ass. And he is a little same coloring as David. Yeah, I mean, that's probably the limit

of where they're the same, but yeah, similar skin pigmentation, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh wow. Maybe like not as great on the conversation level as David or talent. No. It's okay. But that's fine.

I'm sure Iman's over talking anymore. Yeah, and she's probably like, yeah, I've heard all the songs. I don't need you to sing. No. No. So you look like Zorro. Do you wanna tell everybody what's going on?

I mean, I, all right. I'm a little embarrassed. Yeah. But if anything on this show, we come clean. Yeah. Okay, like you know sometimes, you already know the story, so this is like I'm just retelling for, but okay. You know how I get into altercations with people?

Remember the guy at the fucking hardware store? Yes. And you guys told me, and he was like, don't talk to guys like that. Like he corrected me on how I was with a guy at the fucking hardware store. Yes. And you guys told me, and he was like, don't talk to guys like that. Like he corrected me on how I was driving. And I was like, oh, I forgot what I said. Is this the car that was loud? And he was like, it's so loud.

That's a different guy. That's a different guy. That's a different guy. So I've had like multiple things with people. It's kind of noticing a pattern here. Go ahead. Okay, so I'm at Target, and thankfully the kids are not with me.

And you know there's a crosswalk where people, you have to stop and then people cross. So I'm fucking, I'm stoked to be a Target. I'm happy to be there, whatever. So I'm watching this couple. I'm looking and like, oh, they're a cute couple. And then I inch out into the crosswalk, okay? But I didn't see there was a young lady

who had just stepped out. Okay, like literally just peeped her little fucking toe out there. And I er, right on the brakes and I was like, oh my God, you know? And I was like, I'm so sorry. Well, she doesn't take my apology and instead she starts doing that punishing thing.

You know why she's like, it's a crosswalk, the pedestrians have to ride away. It's a crosswalk. Is that an exaggeration? Maybe, but I fucking hate her dumb face. So this dumb girl was like, educating me on the function of a crosswalk. And I'm like-

Yeah, I know, I screwed up. Yeah, yeah, so I'm trying like, mea culpa, I'm sorry, but she wouldn't accept, she wouldn't, she kept going and going and going. And so finally I was like, listen, you fucking retard, I know what this is. And then she takes umbrage with me calling her a fucking retard because she's young.

How young? She's like, I don't know, fucking 20 or something. You know how sensitive this generation is about words. Sure. And she's like, oh, I'm a fucking retard. How dare you call me that? My sister has Down syndrome. Oh boy.

And I go, yeah, it makes sense. It runs in the family. You guys are both fucking idiots. Oh my God. I know. But here's where, so I was cool with just words, you know what I'm saying? Like I was like, all right, I'm gonna have words. We're done. And then she insults me. And she said, I fucking I blacked out because I don't even know I'm so angry.

Like because she then she says something like, okay, boomer, okay, boomer. And I was like, no, dude, no. That's it. How old? I mean, dude, she was like, I don't know, dude, like 15 maybe. I thought she was 20. Maybe 15, maybe like 14. 14? I don't know, I don't know. Well, she's 14, maybe she was 13 or 12. I don't know, she had on a-

Is she a child? She had on the Minecraft shirt. She had on a Minecraft shirt. So maybe 13? Anyway. 13 or 12? Well, I don't fucking know her age, just stop, you know. The fact that she calls me a boomer,

I'm very proud to be Gen X, I'm very proud to be Gen X, don't call me a fucking boomer. And then she's getting up into the side of the car and she's like, why don't you get out bitch, why don't you get out bitch? And like, I haven't fought since grade school, since fucking my seventh grades with, you know what? I've told stories before,

I've been in physical fights with people. So I was like, all right bitch, let's go. So I fucking, I hit her, bitch, let's go. You made my pussy dry. Yep. So I fucking, I hit her, she hit me, you know, shit was thrown, whatever, it's cool. They call it- You're a mother. What are you doing, man?

I know, but she called me a boomer. I'm not a fucking boomer, dude, I'm Gen X, and I'm very proud of that. All right, okay. So- Anyways, she's fucked up. And she hit you? She hit me, I hit her right back.

Okay. I hit her right back. What am I supposed to do? I don't know, this is a very. When somebody hits you, you're not gonna hit her back. Now I know, this is just like an interesting, you look like Walter White. You look like a crazy person. So. lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not eyes done. I just don't, I look crazy right now.

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Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado, celebrate responsibly. But you did get into a fight. I got in a, yeah. Which is crazy. It was over a wave, yeah. Cause you're a surfer dude now, now that we're in the South Bay. I've been surfing every day.

Yeah. Yeah. Why did you get into a fight though? Cause I was going to take a wave and this guy was like, that's mine. I was like, what? I know, cause the surfers are very territorial. Yeah.

And I go, what are you talking about? And then I started to paddle out to it, and he fucking flipped out. He pulled out a switchblade. No. Yeah. Dang, dude. Yeah, it was crazy.

And then how did you find him? He swung at me with it. Yeah. And that's what he left you with. Look at that. Like, scraped the side of my face. That's crazy. Yeah. That's why you have that bald. Mm-hmm. Do you and I and summer fighting? Yeah

I hit him you hit him back. Mm-hmm, and then what happened to him? I don't know. He just disappeared. He surfed away I don't think he surfed away. He kind of floated for a minute and then I left He could be dead. I guess I didn't see anything in the paper Dead surfer? Yeah. Yeah. That's wild, dude. Yeah.

It's pretty crazy. You're having a very interesting summer. Yeah, I also been watching a lot of Vietnam stuff. I know. It's so much more of a bummer. I know. I can't believe you hit a guy in the ocean. Where did he had a switch blade in his suit?

In his board shorts, yeah. Wow. It's pretty nuts. That's pretty scary. There I am ripping it up at the Palm Springs Surf Club. Oh yeah, there you are. Yeah. Yeah, you're really good at surfing.

You're really picking it up. Man, it's just like, I don't know, it's just like being one with nature, it feels like. Yeah, it is pretty rad when you get up on that thing, huh? Yeah, it's the best. Anyway, yeah, you look great. Well, I'm sorry that guy shaved your face with a knife. That's wild.

Yeah, fucking nuts. Yeah, so I had a bra lift. Yeah. And I had my upper blefs done. Because you know I've been talking about it forever. If you've been listening to this show, I fucking hate how fat. I learned about the word blefs from you. Are you good with that? You're like me.

Because I'm like, I was nervous to tell that story because I don't like to lie. Oh. I can't lie, Vru. Not like you. Oh, thanks. Yeah, Hitler. So anyway.

Hitler. I don't know, just kidding. I don't know why I called you that. But anyway, what was I talking about? I'm on so many drugs. I don't know. It's a Hitler summer. Yeah.

All right, so I have my upper blephs done. Yes, blephs. That's the skin, they remove a little bit of skin. Oh, right, so I have my upper blebs done. Yes, blebs. That's the skin, they remove a little bit of skin. And then I've got staples in my forehead. Yeah. Where they do a brow lift, which is kind of fucking creepy. And I'm a little upset at you that you won't look at my staples.

Well, I do like making you laugh because you say it hurts and it makes you feel like your staples are gonna come out. It's gonna rip out, yeah. But I get those taken out next week, so that's pretty exciting. That is exciting. And right now it's just all bruised and crazy. I have to say, I know you're covering up,

it's crazy how minimal it is. Like you don't, it barely looks like anything happened. Yeah, well you guys will see it when I reveal it. Yeah. It's gonna be pretty special. Special. That's the secret, it's just too minimal. I can show you what you look like.

Okay. Like what I've seen. Yeah, go ahead. This is what you look like. OK. Like what I've seen. Yeah, go ahead. This is what you look like, ready? Go ahead. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah. That's what you look like.

Just a very natural glow. Yeah. You look rested. Yeah. I can't help. Yeah. Everyone's going to be like, I barely had any work done. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Looks good. I can't wait to get that way way like Jeff Bezos' new wife. Oh my god. She looks so fucking crazy, dude. Yeah, that looks nuts. I know. I totally get it now. Isn't it crazy that she has all the resources in the world?

Yeah. And you get bad plastic surgery? Yeah, it's crazy. No, the secret is to get the best of the best and then do very minimal things. Fucking nuts. I know, she looks gnarly. Yeah. Now that's too, will you tell me if I go there though?

No. Why? It'll just be too far and I can't do anything. I'll just be like, well, she lost her mind. Yeah, the lips and that. The lips is like the real tell. I think you can do some shit to your face as a lady that's like, once you go crazy with lips, it's just all, it's over.

Yeah, because this is moderate. Like, when you guys see it, it's very slight. It's not too crazy. But that is not, it's not attractive at all. It's extreme. But I know how they do it because they get you in that plastic surgeon's office. It's so fun.

Everybody's laughing. They're like, oh my god, are you excited for your paint? And you're like, yeah, this is what? This is not a big deal, right? And they do shit. And they're like, and then, do you want to do the nose? Yeah. And you're like, yeah, this is not a big deal, right? And then they do shit, and they're like, and then do you want to do the nose? And you're like, my nose? And they're like, yeah, you want to just

make it a little nicer? A little tweak? And you're like, oh, yeah, I'll do my nose. OK, so we'll do nose and chin. We're doing chin? Yeah. Oh, you didn't want to? Oh, we can leave it.

Yeah. And you're like, no, throw that in. Yeah, that's a good idea. Because it becomes, like, I would never have done this before I had all those breast cancer surgeries. Because I would never be like, yeah, just have a surgery. Because I had gone through so many surgeries last year, I was like, this is a nothing burger.

Having my eyes cut up, who gives a shit? But once you get used to it, that's when it's dangerous. You know what I'm saying? Sure. Your inspiration, one of your inspirations for your art path has been- Yes, thank you for bringing that up. Has been-

Adrian Brody. Hell yeah, dude. What's going on with his TikToks? I don't know. And his Instagram. That's really weird. Yeah. Yo. This one.

Yo. Yeah, what's up bro? What's up with you? Man, today's a great day to smile. What a perfect day to smile. What a perfect day to smile. I want to thank all the voters at the Golden Globe for this tremendous honor of getting nominated and also nominating my fellow cast on the film and all of the hard work that's gone into it. If we get nominated for bad thoughts, should I do an exact?

Oh my God. Yes. Yo. I'll go. It's a great day to smile. Oh, fuck. Oh my God. For nominating. Yeah. Can you even imagine making this? Oh my God. Can you imagine? Yeah.

Oh my God. Yeah. It's so insufferable. It's pretty cool. It's insufferable. It's like Meghan Markle where she's like, can you bring that TikTok out? Those are so fucking weird, man. Which ones?

When she's just like, I just, I'm just, I'm doing this and I'm reordering and everything's sold out. That's the one, that's the one. Everything's sold out. I just have to like, how am I gonna, I gotta be a mom and I gotta, we have so many sales. I'm so busy. Shut up dude. It's so hard working so hard as I work. It's just. It's insufferable.

Yeah. But this Adrian Brody, he's on a whole other level. There's another one where he's like Are you mad stay mad at me or something? Like he's just I don't know He's having all kinds of dialogue in his own head. Yeah, nobody else has participated. Hey everyone I hope you're having a great day. Yeah, your friends and good day to smile loved ones The Sun is shining we get it. Yeah. The masks are starting to come off. What?

I think now more than ever as we celebrate Memorial Day, we should acknowledge the tremendous sacrifices not only of the brave men and women who have served in the military during times of conflict. Okay, so... I gotta tell you that anytime people do these, they don't care. There's no way he actually gives a rip. I mean, it's just weird, bro. He's done nothing. He does not care.

Well, it's a good time to bring up your art, though. Oh, yes. Thank you so much for doing that. Exactly. In honor of our friend here, he inspired me to see the value of my own artwork. So right now, it's still up for sale. Fuck around and find out.

This is the first. This will be the first of many works. Yes, this is the original that I did. It was on sale for $10,000. Now, I do think I did not price that correctly. I think you're right. Yeah. Which is why it is now $20,000.

$20,000. I think that that is going to, someone's going to, right there. Yep. Right there. So if you didn't purchase it, obviously you missed the chance to get it for basically free. And you know what?

Fuck around and find out. Now it's 20,000. Now it's 20,000. You missed your fucking chance. Yeah. Good job. Now you get it. Now you get it.

Will I sell prints? I don't know. I don't know. It'd be great to have the original. Talk about value. Talk about a legacy. Owning a piece of work from a timeless artist like myself. I wonder how this will do at 20.

I think it's gonna go so fast. Unless it's not priced correctly and maybe. Well, we'll cross that bridge. Bump it again, who knows. We'll cross that bridge. Yeah. Anyway, I'm stoked about it, so thank you guys. Just buy my art, please.

And since you're obviously recovering, I thought this would make you feel good. Oh my god. The goth basketball player, Kaitlyn Dark. I love this girl. Is that the name right? Of course it is. It's Kaitlyn Dark?

Yeah, that's her last name, bro. No. Real name is Kaitlyn Cunningham, but I think she goes by Caitlin Dark. Cause she's rad. I mean, how stoked are you for this? People have been sending me this check. She looks badass, really. I admire it so much.

I mean, I love the dedication to the eye makeup and she's gotta be sweaty too. And it just, she does it. She Australian? Yeah, she's so rad. I don't know, I don't know where she went. Yeah, she's Australian. Caitlin, I love it. I wish more? Yeah, she's so rad. I don't know, I don't know where she went. Yeah, she's Australian. Caitlin, I love it.

I wish more players would go goth like this. Who is driving lesbians wild. Oh, sweet, and me. Maybe I've just got big dick energy, she says. Yeah, dude. Nice, is she gay or no? I don't know. It's just that she's a...

But I like what she's doing for gothic visibility. No, I know, I'm just referencing the article. Maybe, maybe she's driving the lesbian, maybe straight guys. Are you into it? Yeah. Smash. She's great.

I love that she does this before and I'm surprised they let her do it, which is the best part. I love it. She looks great. She looks great, I love all the tats, look at her. What a great build too, she's got that lean lesbian body.

Like there's a girl on the L word that she looks similar to. Yeah, but I don't know if she is. She looks nice. We don't know, we're, you know, who knows? This article says she's queer. Oh, she's queer, okay. She's queer.

Is she like 6'2"? You know her height? Let me look. She looks tall as shit. Yeah, she looks really tall. I love it, yeah. Which is great. I love her eye makeup.

She's got that kind of cholo joker. She's 6'4". Dang, dude. That's wild. Not a girl. That's tall as fuck, man. Yeah, she's awesome. Do they let players do that?

I know Rodman was doing all kinds of stuff in the 90s. Yeah, no, typically you don't see that. They don't allow it now, right? Not really. I mean, I don't know if it's allowed, you just, nobody does that. I think they should. A lot of the players these days, especially like the dudes that are young, like talking like 19, 20 going into the league, a lot of them are into, you know, like painting their

nails and they're just, it's way more a part of the culture now, I feel like. Like straight guys. Yeah, straight guys and wearing stuff. You know, stuff that Eni's a fan of. Just like, right? Just like cool. Cool stuff? Yeah.

Like what? You know what I'm talking about, right, Eni? Oh yeah, check my nails. It's freshly painted. Yeah. You know how it is. But you know what I mean though, how you see that now in the league?

I don't see it in the league. I mean, I don't really watch sports, you know what I mean though how you see that now in the league? I don't see it in the league. I mean, I don't really watch sports, you know what I'm saying? So yeah, a lot of a lot of the the fit checks are like check. Yeah, they're they're They're a little swishy, but it's kind of really yeah, and you'll see like the older guys are like yo What the fuck yeah, but the young guys are all into it. Yeah. Well, we're all evolving into one unisex thing. Yeah, you know, it's going that way That's cool. I like it. Well, I can't even dark this is like did the norm Yeah, and he checked this shit out, man Hey boss, they finished cleaning out the empty stalls. Thanks mark. What's up boss? The stables used to be full

I don't know, but if we don't fill these tables soon, we'll have to shut down the ranch Things will get better. just you wait and see. Let's hope so. All this bullshit is stressing me out. Let me see if I can make you feel better. Oh, that's a nice massage. Hell yeah. That sure is a good start.

Then let's continue on. Hell yeah. Wow. You know, I don't think you could actually cast somebody to act like, like, I could try to recreate this with actors and I don't think you can. Well explain, what do you mean?

Like, you can't get a good actor to give you this performance. You just have to cast shit actors. Like, you have to find the magic of the shit acting to deliver this is incredible. Like, they're terrible actors. And that's amazing, because they're in everything. Like, every clip from this era is just the shittiest acting.

It's so cool. You'd think at one point they would hire a coach just to say, hey guys, the inflection, just try to change it. Every line is exactly the same. And every line is exactly the same. The same canes. Yo, this is the group.

Yo, how much y'all charge? $200. We'll do anything you want. Anything? Anything. Y'all kiss. Kiss? Kiss.

All right. Yeah. Anything? Y'all kiss. Kiss? Kiss. Yeah. Shaking his head. For two fucking hundreds. Two hundred dollars. You couldn't just make two hundred fucking dollars by your damn self? How's that shit fit? Is it worth it? Maybe they wanted to. They didn't even give him 200. That's just for fucking free? God damn it. But I'm telling you, it doesn't bother him as much as the black gay kisses.

Black gay kisses bother him than white gay. Yeah. On his scale of what bothers him. It's Black K Kisses that bother him the most. You know, they're stupid, man. Hey, Calufy, we gotta get more Black K Kisses. Yeah, oh yeah, please, oh, get on it. Oh my God, I'm so excited that movie that you guys wanted me to watch. Yeah. That you did the music for any?. Yeah that you did the music for any What that I did the music for you?

Do them the soundtrack so oh? Yeah, yeah, you so you watched it. No, it's not out yet. It's gonna be on Apple TV any minute. Yeah like a day or two Yeah I know now every time we see trailers for it. We just hear you going Bro, you don't have to watch you don't have to think about me. They do it in the move They do it in the fucking move. I've had people mess with me. They're like bro. I watch that again Yeah, and every time I hear the mm-hmm. I just have ruins it and it's like you ruin that bro, you know They're like shit. They just now you're just notice awake the trailer like it's so funny because you're the first person that I've met literally

That has shit on this movie and like the trailer comes up and it starts with the best film of the year And then I hear any being like this bullshit Oh my statements are going to rip out. It's trash. Trash. Trash. You can't fucking buy me man. I don't care how much you pay me. I ain't saying that movie is good.

$200? That's what they did. $200. Oh my God. Would you French kiss a black guy? Not for $200,000. No? $200,000?

No. Just a lip kiss, not a French. No. No. Because how am I going to? No no cuz I can't afford not sleeping You can't there's no price that fixes that Hey this black is falling guys, it's a limp dick. It's a limp dick. It keeps going. Yeah Okay, hold on. I gotta go pitch anyway, okay

Yes, what is this? What is what? It's a camera So you peed I pushed um, I love it. I walked by the monitor and those two guys are french Bro, it's right in front of my fucking face. Like can we, we could do something else. All right. All right. Just leave it. Beautiful soul. So I want you to ask yourself,

what you feeding your pussy today, beautiful soul. Go in with intention and self love and self care. Think about how it's gonna digest in your body and attach to that pussy and what it's gonna do, beautiful soul. If you eat the fruit, it's gonna go in that pussy and fruitify it, meaning it's gonna heal it and clean it and just flourish it with a good ass drip. I'm gonna say that as kind as I can.

That's so true. Is that true? I mean, I don't know that fruit fortifies the pussy, but I do know that yogurts are good probiotics and such for the environment of the pussy. Yep. I just love that everybody's into self care now. Self care is big.

But we gotta clean that pussy out, beautiful soul. The fruits go in the body and they sweep the lymphatic drains, you do have lymphatic nodes in that pussy. Okay, you got parasites in that pussy. So you got to help that pussy get clean. In this day and age, we're affected by too many things. So we got to take time with ourself. Take time with intention on our intake along with the products. Beautiful soul. So what you feeding that pussy today, love? Ask yourself. I can say I've never seen a message like this before.

No. Yeah. In all the years we've been doing this show, vegan vagina, that guy. That was, oh yeah, that's, yeah. But that's different. No, he was drinking the smoothies. He wouldn't tell you to do it. Right. But he liked, he preferred vegan vaginas is what his deal was. Yeah, that was pretty cool. But this is, I agree with her, this can't be wrong. No, how can it be wrong? It can't be bad to eat healthy for your pussy health. Yeah, I think I normally hear eat fruit,

but it's just like, hey, it's good for you, fiber. Sure. You know, it's a nice source of energy for you. Not correlated to. Never heard it been like, fruitify your pussy. Fruitify, yeah, I agree, I agree. But speaking of your browns, I don't... How have your browns been since we've been in the South?

Great. See, what's going on? Great. What's going on? Great browns. I don't know why. Not a sloppy one since we've been here. I mean, not always the best, but I've had some really good ones, yeah.

What do you think it is? What is happening to you? I don't know. Is it just stress-free lifestyle at the beach? Maybe. But I've had some really good ones, yeah. What do you think it is? What is happening to you? I don't know, is it just stress-free lifestyle at the beach? Maybe. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe. Is the food that different that I'm eating? I don't think so.

Well, you're traveling a lot, so it's different bacteria. Yeah, traveling always is a motherfucker. Beautiful sow. Beautiful sow. You told me a beautiful story today about you and your trainer. Oh, yeah, so I've been working out here. Beautiful sow. Beautiful sow. Yeah. You told me a beautiful story today about you and your trainer. Oh yeah, so I've been working out here.

I found a gym like 10 minutes from our place, which is great. Yeah. Small gym, which I prefer honestly, like small private sessions, really like great equipment and like really knowledgeable people there. So I hit them up and I've just been going for sessions like every other day.

I've been in the dudes and I was in there today. I went a little earlier and I'd had before I had let's see I had some fruit I had a banana for my dick fruitify it and then I had a little bit of like half a meal bar, just to have like a little food in me. And we were training and we were doing farmers walks with these huge, like the strongman ones. And he was setting it up and I was like, I feel like a fart coming.

So I kind of walked away from him, like not even that far, maybe like 15 feet away. And he was talking to me about like the technique of like how to pick it up and like short fast walks and he's putting weights on it because it has like these, you know, pillars that come out and he's putting weights on it, because it has these pillars that come out and he's putting weights on it. And I stood like 15, and I looked at him, and I was like, oh, I'll just fart over here. And I didn't think it was gonna make any noise, and it made so much noise.

It was one of the loudest, longest farts I've had. And I looked at him as I was doing it. Yeah. Yeah. You did eye contact? Yeah, I did eye contact. And I was like, right, right. He was like, yeah, so like, you know, short, fast steps.

I go, right. And it was like, you know, like just like a stop. And as I was doing that, he just was like, yeah, so then stop and then slide them down over here and then turn around and do it back. You looked at hold on, you're standing. And there was never any discussion about it. Nothing. Like nothing, nothing came about it. Do you think there's two possibilities?

Either this guy is your soulmate and nothing need be said. Or this guy is so mortified by you as a human being that he was like, I can't even address this. Can I tell you what I was thinking about it too? I think it's that he was like, I can't even address this. Can I tell you what I was thinking about it too? I think it's that he is around, because there's a couple people that, without trying to blow up their spot, there's some savages that go here.

And I think he's used to just animalistic behavior. And that he was just like, yeah, this is just how certain dudes are. And like, there's not even a need to address it. They're just beef machines. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like, it's another guy who farts. He's so accustomed to peggery that he's like, whatever, dude.

Yeah. Yeah, that must be it. That's got to be it. It's got to be it. Especially if there's no women. Are there any women there? I mean, there's women who train there, but there's not 10 people walking around. But I'm'm saying was there a woman in the room when I did that no a woman had left

She was there and she left. Yeah, she had trained before me cuz that might be Why you felt liberated to do so? Oh, yeah, he was like, whatever whatever dude Yeah, cuz I train in Texas at that weightlifting place. That's all like You know ex-military. Yeah, like real real dudes real psycho and I have a feeling when I'm there Yeah, hold it together just a tiny bit. Yeah, that's standard behavior Yeah, like even here's the thing. It doesn't have to do it Just when women are around you dial it back just just a. And then if it's just dudes, you're like, fuck it. Yeah.

I know, because you know, I love these period piece type shows and they're like, you know, women shouldn't be allowed in drinking parlors because they can hear unsavory things. And I'm like, oh my God, not in our house. That is the complete fucking obvious. And you and your circle of fucking demons that you hang out with, those women are barely women. Bells, bells. And you and your circle of fucking demons that you hang out with,

those women are barely women. I know, I know. They're pigs, but that's why I like them. I know. When we went to Puerto Vallarta, it's funny, so one of the girls that's on the trip, her mother's from Guatemala, and her Guatemalan mother was like,

oh, be careful, you're going to get sex trafficked in Mexico. And he was like, uh, we're not getting trafficked. We're all 50 years old. Nobody wants these old bodies, these old pussies, these old fucking shriveled up. I got some special for you, man. I got these four 50 year old broads. Who's just sex trafficking? You guys ready to bang?

And they're like, what? 50 year olds? No. Like maybe they'll kidnap me to cook for them or something. Yeah, but you're past the... Oh, way past trafficking. Yeah. Right? Yeah, if you were 19, they'd be like, yes, scoop them up.

Scoop them up. Yeah. That is the nice thing about aging, is that you're beyond those problems. Nobody's going to probably roofie me at a party anymore. Right. That's done. It's great.

I can just enjoy myself now. Right. They're just like, I would have roofied you years ago. That's cool. Would you roofie me now? Yeah, I would. Yeah. You would.

If I didn't know you. You saw me. Sure, I'd drug you. Sweet, babe. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks for saying. I'd tie you up, keep you in a fucking basement.

Thanks, buddy. You know, this is interesting because last night, you told me that I was cold as ice and a sociopath. Yeah. And I think actually you're the one that's more. Oh, you are. You're mentally ill. But it's a kind that I'm familiar with and I still, I love you.

My stitches are staples are going to pop out. We had this back and forth about it because you were saying it's me and I, no, we're just going to put this out there. Sure. Zolo. Yes. I want you to find somebody to come in when we go back to Texas. Okay. To test Christina, I, and anybody on the staff that wants to take a test for like, anti-social

personality disorder. Cool. And have them, you know, get like, vet like a really good person for it. Then we'll all submit our tests, and then we want them to come on the show and basically review people's tests. Perfect. Let's talk about this, because there's different levels.

They're just people that are, you said I don't have feelings, I'm very emotionally cold. Yeah, I mean, you're cold and yeah. Yeah, you're very Eastern European. Right, but then there's personality disorder. Right. Which is, that's.

Which pretty much, I think Eastern Europe falls into that. No, the whole thing. DSM is yeah, antisocial personality disorder is, yeah. But then there's you. Lack of empathy. Yeah. Lack of remorse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have the same problem, like feeling.

Yeah. I don't care about. Why are you smiling? Yeah, well that's just cultural too. I mean, that's weakness. Smiling is weakness. But you, but your thing with like, your enjoyment of watching murders and killings and... I mean, I keep saying the same thing to you. Like, everybody's watching these shows.

You act like it's made for me. These shows are like number one. Yeah, but I also think that like, you're not... You're not up in your feelings all the time either. I would say, I mean, okay, let's just say, let's look at bad thoughts. Granted, the show is called Bad Thoughts for a reason. I mean, that literally came from your sick,

mentally ill mind. Yeah, that's what's inside of that noodle. So I mean, listen, I was, I was DMing with Tom Green cause the kids discovered his brilliant sandwich bit. Oh yeah. Just a little more, a little more olives. Yeah, a little more lettuce. A little more lettuce.

A little more mayo on that. A little more cheese. It's brilliant. And it still holds up. All of this shit is still funny. And I DMed him and I was like, hey my kids found a little more olives and everything and he's like great show them the bum bum song and of course they love that. And then and then he said something like I really love Tom's show and and I

was like next time you're in Texas you know come over for dinner or whatever. And he's like alright as long as you don't think I'm you know mentally ill. And I was like no Tom's way more mentally ill than you. If you look at the content the two of you put out, I mean, who's crazier, you or Tom Green? Well, no, it's different types of crazy. That's all it is. Okay, let's talk about it.

Well, you're the craziest of all. Yeah. So you see how you throw stones? And it's always the people that are the most mentally ill that will never admit to being mentally ill. I know I'm mentally ill You don't even acknowledge your shadow self. I acknowledge some of it. I acknowledge there's a bit of it But you're the real you're the I know I am yeah, I admit that I know where dark areas are

I don't even think you know where they are. Where mine are? You don't even know. I know that I'm not 100% normal. Where would you say your blind spots are? I don't know. To normalcy. Where do you think? Fucking deal with this bullshit. Stupid bitch. I did not say that.

You shut the fuck up. Yeah, that's what you fucking said. No, I said it with my eyes. You shut up bitch. But I didn't say it. Okay the fuck up. Yeah, that's what you fucking said. No, I said it with my eyes. You shut up, bitch. But I didn't say it. Okay, this will be interesting then. Yeah.

If we get a set. Fucking. This shrink's gonna have a good time. He's gonna have fun time. I know who's the most mentally ill on our team. You want to do a guess? I already know. Who? I think everybody knows.

Should we all say the name at the same time? Who? On the count of three, one, two, three. Any. Yeah. Any. Yeah, me. Yeah, yeah, me.

Yeah. No, they'll have a field day with him. Also, I'm definitely just going to gaslight him, though. Yeah, of course. No! You have to. I'm going to make him say, I'm fucking perfect. That's all I do.

He's like the fucking greatest guy. But you're gonna, are you gonna answer the questions honestly or dishonestly? Well, define honestly. Well, like for the form, would you say what you really think on it or no? It's like, you know, yes. Okay.

But you'll dial it back a little bit. You see, it's like, you know, it's context matters. Yes, I agree. Yeah, but they know that. That's why they're gonna ask you the same question 10 different ways. So eventually they're gonna get some level of your insanity.

That's true. They should be able to get some of it. By the way, I watched Mickey 17. Have you seen that? Me? No, the guys. Oh no, I haven't watched that. Dude.

You liked it. It was really good. You really liked it. He's no, I haven't watched that. Dude. You liked it. It was really good. You really liked it. He's fantastic, man. That boy from Twilight? Well, he's a great actor, but I mean the director. Eddie T. Medward?

The guy that made Parasite. What's his name? Bong Joon-ho. Bong Joon-ho. Bong Joon-ho. Man, he really does put together. Speaking of, the Korean food's delicious here, isn't it? I think I ordered some Bong Joon-ho.

You don't get Korean food like, no, you don't get Korean food like you do in Cali. Outside of Seoul, like here it's the best, dude. LA Korean food is unbelievable. Hands down the best. You know what we have been educating our boys on are the good comedies that we grew up on, like Spaceballs. That has been the most fun.

That's been really fun. Spaceballs, I'm into Police Academy with Julian. I fast forward through the inappropriate stuff. But he really loves The Wrong Missy. Yeah, which has a lot of inappropriate. I forward through a ton of it. But if I don't, would you, what's her name? Car Plus, Lauren Car Plus, is that her name?

I can't read it. Lapgus. Lapgus, Lauren Lapgus. She's amazing at it. She's so funny and God damn it, I could watch her do anything. She's really great. And Spade of course is fantastic too, this one's funny.

And what else, Back to the Future, we showed them that one. That was awesome. Back to the Future. They watched Back to the Future. They're like, and Back to the Future by the way is an absolutely perfect movie. Like it's perfect. Not a wasted frame of film in this movie. It's just so well executed.

And then we're watching Back to the Future part two. And at the end of Back to the Future part two, Michael J. Fox is in a scene with Michael J. Fox, right? Like there's two of them and he's, and the one of them is trying to make sure that the other one doesn't see him. And then the one leaves and he goes, Julian's like, wait a minute, there's two of them? And I'm like, no, he's back in the past now.

And he goes, what? I go, this is the fucking whole premise of the movie. Like, what do you think's happening? He's like, what year is it? I'm like, it's 19, they're in 1955. He's like, 1955? And I go, yeah, man. Like, what do you think's happening? So crazy to try to explain it to a kid. They're in 1955. He's like, 1955? And I go, yeah, man.

What do you think's happening? So crazy to try to explain it to a kid. He laughs at the slapstick stuff. Yes, he does. He likes slapstick, so I'm happy to teach him that. And we're in Star Wars. We're watching the Star Wars stuff. The kids love burying the figurines

that we got them in the beach. What's crazy is we had their cousins come over yesterday, and it's all girls. And seeing the girl parents watch the boys was so fun. Because one of them pulled me aside, and they're like, hey, your little guy just punched him in the head. And then he jumped on his back, but he didn't do anything back to him. I go, oh yeah, they're just fucking around.

He goes, he're just fucking around. He goes, he hit him pretty hard. I go, yeah, that's what they do. And he laughs when he hits him really hard. That's called playing. Yeah, at one point, three little girls were in our room bathing, right? Like they're in the bathtub and I'm watching a show

and they're silent, just giggling. And I was like, if this were our two boys, it would be screaming and water everywhere. And a flood. A flood. And I'm like, having girls is like having, one girl is like, no, no, two girls is one dog. And when they left, they were like,

thank you, Uncle Tommy. And they each gave me a hug and they were like, will you come with us? I was like, no, I have to stay here with these fucking heathens. I wish I could. Can you stay? I do.

I know yesterday they came over and they're like, we're going to go in the pool. And you were like, great, I'm staying here. Yeah. Because you're away in the pool. Yeah. Go up there. No, they're fucking psychos, dude. Yeah, they're crazy kids. You started taking pictures of people.

Oh yeah, Tommy F-Stop. Yeah. I started a photography account because I just, I love photographs. Yeah. And I got so excited. I mean, you know, one of my closest confidants is Sean, my photographer. And so I'm always around him. He's a great furtographer, taking photographs.

And I don't know, I just, I love taking photos. I just do, I love it. And so I just started taking photos. I take them on film cameras and I get those developed. I love the process. Then I got a good digital one and been buying lenses. I'm just nerding out. I love it. And I post it. I just want you to know some people are writing they're like, this is gay. Tom, this is gay. And I just I try to tell them that

it's gonna get gay. Like, it's the beginning of how gay it'll be. Yeah, there's Tommy F stop right there But I tell them that I'm gonna keep posting and you know some people encourage me Some people say very mean things to me about it But I just want you to know that I'll never stop doing it no and you know what some people are not going to appreciate your art Mm-hmm, and some people won't pay you what your art is worth, too. Oh, right Maybe I should start charging for each of these, right? I think you should. That's a good idea.

I think you should. But that's cool. But you're taking portraits of people. Sometimes portraits, sometimes just landscapes, sometimes just whatever is, I don't know, just anything. Half eaten burrito, yeah. Oh, that's cool. Yeah.

Those are so good in California, by the way. The best breakfast burritos. So like you walk up to a lady and you'll be like, yeah. Hey, can I take your portrait? Well, I've found so here's the thing about the cuz my fit I think my you discover like what are your favorites, right? So there's some landscape stuff that you love to do like you see something like beautiful You want to take a photo of like in Iceland like it's incredible. That's a really good picture It's like a National Geographic. So you you know, there's this like in Iceland, like it's incredible, right? Oh my God, that's a really good picture. It's like a National Geographic, Tom.

So you know, there's this kind of stuff. And then there's the portraits of people. I think my favorite are portraits of people. I love that guy in New York. That's Leonard, yeah. Yeah. So I like that stuff the most, I think. I don't know, it's always a discovery, right?

But there's the whole thing like him I know. So it's like, it's comfortable to discovery, right? But there's the whole thing, like him I know, so it's comfortable to say, hey, you might have to take your photo. But on the street, it's like, you get this kind of rush, it's kind of exciting to see somebody with a unique look and you go, you wanna ask them, right? But it's also, I find it very intimidating because my general way of being

is like, don't bother people. Like I always live by like, don't bother anyone, you know? So now I'm doing this and I have to like, wanna ask people, can I take your photo? And it's challenging. And I was asking other photographers how they do it. And one of them was like, well, the best thing you can do is you give a compliment to somebody first.

Which is like, it's just a good way to, and you're going to sense right away if it is a vibe with the person. And they say no. Like I've had people say no and then say yes. But you go like, oh, like, you know, you look amazing. Like this is such a cool look. You look like cool Modi, can I take your photo, right? And then sometimes they say yeah. And so the other thing I've been doing is I offer an exchange. So I go, I'll say like, hey, you have such a, like I'll go, oh my God, I'm sorry to bother you, but you have such an amazing look.

Do you mind if I take your photo? And if they say yes, I go, I'll show you my penis afterwards. So that way, like you get something, I get something. Everybody wins. That's a perfect method. I've been getting so many yeses after that. Yeah.

I imagine. Like I showed him and other people. He loved your penis. Oh yeah, he was like, that's nice. Thank you for showing me your penis. That's so cool, Tom. And I bet people feel really rewarded when that's what they get.

Well then, because I also, I'll comment. I'll go, it's fully flaccid right now. There's more. There's more to this penis. There's more to this if you will just give me a moment. Wow, that's a really cool idea. And I don't think any other photographer out there is doing that.

This right here, she was looking right at my penis when I took this photo. Wow! That's why she's smiling. That's so cool. Yeah. Yeah, that's a nice way to get a natural reaction out of a girl.

Yeah. So one thing I found is like strange women love dick talk. Like if they don't know you, they wanna talk about your dick. That's so true. Yeah. That's great. She looks like a really innocent sweet.

She was really sweet. She was really sweet. She was really sweet. Yeah, she was a barista. Yeah. So you showed her in the coffee house. In the coffee shop. So everybody saw it. Oh, that's cool.

I was like, I want your photo. So how about you get it? But look how happy she is when she saw your painter. It's been working. It's been working. It's been working. Yeah, that's great, Tom. What a great method.

Yeah. So it's also a tip. If you're an amateur photographer like I am, there's a little tip that I learned. Offer up your genitals. People are like, oh, wow, that's really cool. Yeah. I think a lot of photographers that took photographs of models,

I think they did that stuff, like in the 70s. Yeah, I don't know if it was exactly as we're talking about, but yeah. I think a lot of dudes showed their dicks in exchange for picks. There was Sedona. You see these? Oh, right, that's Sedona.

Keep going. Yeah, that was really fun. That was a nice trip. That's where I talked to the aliens. Who's that? There I am, there I am. Just talking to the river. Talking to the river.

To the vortex, making fucking contact, dude. Duckies. What's up, ducks? Yep, John Feliciano. Here's John. That was a fun trip. Beautiful Sedona. Yeah, that was pretty spiritual and shit.

Yeah, beautiful. Nice shots, Tom. I was all looking spiritual. Thanks. Um, yeah. You're so pleased with yourself. Yeah, those were really nice. You know what I'm working on now is,

I mean, just tell me if you're open to it, I would love to draw you nude. I would love that. Really? Of course. You would be down to pose? I'll model for you, yeah, sure. Oh, that'd be great,

because you have such an exquisite body and shape and your penis is, I mean, as you can tell, it just brings so much joy to people. I would love to sketch it. Yeah. So I think first we should just do it in graphite, see how that goes. Yeah. And then, yeah.

Do you want to work off of a photo of me, or do you want to just, oh, you want me to pose? Pose. I want you to sit for me. Sit for you. Like in art school, you know, they usually pay homeless people $50 to sit. I don't know that that's, okay.

For class. It's true, in San Francisco. Okay. Shawna told me that when she was in art school, they'd pay like homeless people to sit. 50. Or like students, maybe, maybe not homeless. I don't know that that's... For class. It's true. In San Francisco. Shawna told me that when she was in art school, they'd pay homeless people to sit. 50. Or like students, maybe not homeless.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know why they had to be homeless. But I think that would be a fantastic way for homeless people to make money. Is it opposed for art students? Well, it's a great bit of advice. If you're out there and you're homeless, go to art school.

Go to an art school. Right. You're not gonna afford art school, you're homeless. Knock, or if they don't hear you scream, ah! And then when they're like, what is it? Like, I'm ready to pose. See if you can get some.

Oh, stop it! I can't move my forehead. Yeah. Ah! It's pretty cool, man. Supposed to keep it still. Yeah. Can you imagine you having your homeless model? Yeah.

Ah. And they're like, this guy is really hard to draw. He keeps screaming. Milk tits, man of death. And he's got the Tourette shit. And it was sad, sad, sad. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, Kid okie Imagine how easy it would be but they stay still for a long time. That's the good thing. They're used to Because you know, you know what I mean you are you holding your forehead up Not holding it still, not holding it up, I'm holding it still so the staples- Is the skin gonna fall down? Yeah, the staples will pop out if I lift. I have to keep it stationary.

I sorta got my surgeon told me not to like, you're supposed to do a lot. He was like, don't laugh. No, I ain't gonna laugh, but like I'm not supposed to bend over or like put blood flow to it. That would be crazy right now if blood just started streaming down your face.

We just saw blood trickling from all these open sutures. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! And we're like, oh shit. Oh my God, oh. Because literally, there's, literally, there's staples in my fucking head.

Here you are. Ah! Google like, like eyebrow, eyebrow lift staples. Oh Jesus Christ. I swear to God, it's so fucking gnarly and he won't look at them and I keep wanting to show you what it looks like. I'm not even sure how the fuck they keep

the staples in my skull. How, like, is it, it's just on the layer of skin, it's not into my skull. Like how the fuck did that guy staple it there's like like a row of staples here and a row of staples here and I have to put back back basset train on it or some shit here look at this that ain't it look that's it that's what it looks like yeah isn't that that is in my head right look at this one over here look at this I don't trust you fuck he's gonna puke I

know he's not. Yes, he is. No, he's- look, he's fine. The double bird. You fucker. You're such a fucking c- you know that? Hey. You psycho.

You know, you're crazier than me. Hey. For fucking sure, you're crazier than me. Hey. You show your wife that's got a metaphobe of barf shit. I'm trying to tell you my medical problems. I didn't put it in here. Yes you did.

I did not. Yes you did. I did not. You told Josh to put it in there. I may have. I don't remember. How are they gonna take them out? Can you, cause I'm so curious,

cause it's gonna hurt dude. How are they gonna rip staples out of my skull? I don't know. Like are they gonna use like a stapler remover? Like the kind from- Yeah, the one from Office Depot. Yeah. I'm serious. They're gonna go to staples

and then they're just gonna rip it out. Or smart and final. Yeah. Yeah, they're smart, but all sales are final. Yep. I think they're gonna. Yeah, and you're like. That's what I mean, they're in there.

I don't know why you didn't let me do the surgery. I could have done it. I could have done it, dude. Yo, you should see my surgeon's beautiful baby hands. Oh, so soft. Dude, he's got like lady hands. Like they're like. I know, I've shook hands with plastic surgeons

and you're like, wow. Oh my god. Yeah. Literally his hands are like the tiny hands like mine. Yeah. And softer. Yeah. And nicer. And he's like a regular-sized dude

Yeah, and like I just I saw like yeah Incision here's what happened. So first I saw him two years at first of all There was like a year waiting list to get to see this guy. He's like the best of Beverly Hills, right? Yeah, so I thought I mean with them two years ago and he goes yeah, you've got a lot of skin up here Do you sleep on the left side? I go, yeah. He goes, I can tell cause that side is mashed. He's like really simple lunch hour procedure.

We're just going to trim the skin off your eyelids and stitch them up a week. Take the stitches out. You're fine. And that is a nothing burger. The eyelids don't, that is nothing. Anyway, I haven't seen him in a couple of years cause I had cancer. I was supposed to have it done, whatever. And I go see him like a week and a half ago and he goes, huh, something's changed.

And I was like, yeah dude, I'm fucking older, fatter, uglier, of course, I'm rotting, I'm decaying. Like, what do you mean, something's changed? He's been two years, yeah. He's fucking, and then he's like, yeah, I want to do a brow lift too. And I was like, just please don't make me look like. Ah, how's everybody doing?

And he goes, no, he's like, that's everybody's worst fear. I'll never, I won't do that. It's going to be very moderate. And I was like, all right, dude. Yeah. And you're saying, what should I get done? You're saying I should do things. Oh, you need everything.

You need to go the full, I need to, you know, in fucking Tom Cruise, Mission Impossible, rip that whole face off and then stick it back on tighter. Everything? No, here's what you need to do. I would do a lower blepharoplasty because your eye bags are pretty heavy.

Yep. And then maybe, I don't know, raise the brow a little bit. I don't know, because you're a man though. Yeah, I'm a guy. And he does men. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You should definitely blacken man though. Yeah, I'm a guy. And he does men. Of course. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You should definitely blacken your beard. That'll make you look younger. If you make the beard and the eyebrows black, and then you have to get white veneers. Right. I pull it back like this. Big white teeth.

That makes you look so young. It's great to be in Philadelphia. How are you guys doing? You wanna hear some jokes? Like that? That's gonna be me in Philadelphia. How are you guys doing? You want to hear some jokes? Like that? That's going to be me. Yeah. The Get the Veneers.

OK. I'm telling you, that looks so nice. Sounds nice. When you're old and you have solid white teeth. Big, huge white teeth. It looks good. Yes. All right.

We're going to take a, well, we're going to wrap it up. Oh, OK. we'll be back next week and hopefully with a whole new look, whole new look, dude. We're excited. We'll see. We'll see you guys in two and two. Four strokes. Ugh. And the deal man. Four strokes. And the deal man. And he came in four strokes.

Smokes and meth was his 12th ethic. Four strokes. Smokes and meth was his 12th ethic. Smokes and meth was his 12th ethic. Four strokes. Smokes and meth was his 12th ethic. You won't believe how good it feels. Smokes and meth was his 12th ethic. Four strokes. Smug Smeth with a small ethic, you won't believe how good it feels.

Smug Smeth with a small ethic, you won't believe how good it feels. Smug Smeth with a small ethic, you won't believe how good it feels. Forth test. Forth test. Forth test. Forth test. Right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now right now right now right now right now right now right now right now right now right now right now right now right now right now right now right now right now right now right now right now ever deal man, bore he throws ever deal man, bore he throws ever deal man, bore he throws ever deal man, bore he throws I'm gonna be a good boy. So special. Fastest.