Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Will Tom & Christina Be On Jeopardy?! | Your Mom's House Ep. 752

Starting point is 00:00:00 You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? But you know what I'm saying? Well you said yeah, back to him quite a few times. I did, I did. I wanted him to know that I knew what he was saying. I said pussy bird and it's cage bird. So this is an etiquette guy video. He makes these videos.

Starting point is 00:00:19 And I thought it would be fun to check out what kind of comments he gets. What's the proper etiquette to giving a foot job under the table? 49,000 likes. Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. Oh yeah, big black cocks. Wave his white dick, baby. Big black cocks, big black black cocks. Wave his heart dick, baby. Big black cocks. Big black fucking cocks. Big black cocks.

Starting point is 00:00:50 Come fuck me, motherfucker. Ride my ass like a horse. Yeah. Yeah. Jax, you wanna fuck me? I wanna fuck you. We're gonna fuck you up. Ride my ass like a horse. Yeah. We a motherfucker nasty.

Starting point is 00:01:03 Black fuck. Oh, you like it, huh? Yeah. You like the fuck come my face, man? Yeah Yeah, where the fuck? Let's fuck, baby. Off to the condom, Pia, man. Straight peck my fucking body, man. Fucking fuck it up, man. Give me a cunt, boy. This man, this man, this fucking goddamn dick, man. Yeah. Hello? Hey. What's up? Yo, Josh.

Starting point is 00:01:38 Who's this? We're on Pop Champagne. You are on Pop Champagne? Yeah. Call me Mr. Little Mr. Noodle man. Oh yeah. What? What? I'm gonna tear those tits off man. Yeah. Burnin' my tits. What about your tits? Smokin', strokin' man. I'm gonna burn my tits man. I'm a real man. I can take it. That's good. Whatever brings you joy, you know? Shut the fuck up man. I come to fuck that fuckin' hole man. I want your You know I'm gonna come. Yeah, go team, go. Okay, bye. I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Wow. Powerful. It's such a good one. I know. I was listening to it on my jog this morning.

Starting point is 00:02:49 Fart Simpson and Mr. Clavicles. Fart Simpson and Mr. Clavicles together again. Such a good one. Wow. You know, I often, thank you so much, Ms. Heather. I often wonder why I can't seem to tap into that mom demographic with my humor. You don't think this has something to do with it? Might be this.

Starting point is 00:03:05 Yeah. This might be holding me back from getting the women demographic, if you will. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's so gay. Maybe laughing to Officer Cumdump. You know what I didn't really-

Starting point is 00:03:16 Give me that ball, come on. Yeah, it's always good. I didn't realize he wants them to puke on him too. That was a new, he was in a frenzy though. You could tell it was a totally, I don't think he necessarily wants that. That was a real frenzied moment. Yeah, cause I've never heard him mention that.

Starting point is 00:03:29 He's like shitting and just jerk me off with your shit. Like he was totaled. Any of it, all of it. Everyone's been there. But yeah, he was really something there. So horny. Yeah. Just so hot for teacher.

Starting point is 00:03:40 So hot. Gosh. Turned on. I'm trying to think of any moments in my life where I would just say that guy of, yeah, you know. You think so? When I'm with you. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:48 Puked on me, shit on me and finger me with your shit. You've thought of that? Again, why can't I get the women to like me? What is going on with these brats? Yeah. Oh, only the dudes. Where the dudes at? Dudes are everywhere, man.

Starting point is 00:04:03 Dudes are here. This is a lot of dudes on this show. So many dudes. I love the dudes. I love them. Listen, I'm always stoked to see dudes in my shows. It's a lovely thing. Yeah, I'm very thankful. I'm very thankful too. Where is this here? Hold on. Sorry. Rat my ass like a horse. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, oh Wow chips in a bowl ass like a horse. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh wow. Chips in a bowl. It's a huge announcement.

Starting point is 00:04:32 It's a big deal. I'm ready. Tickets for the second leg of my come together tour on pre-sale starting today, March 27th at 10 a.m. local time in each city with the code word Tommy, T-O-M-M-Y. We've added a whole bunch of new Cities and new dates. I'm hitting some of my favorite cities like Denver Phoenix San Diego New Orleans many many more

Starting point is 00:04:53 Get your tickets now tomskirt.com slash tour before the on sale, which is Friday at 10 a.m. Local time So thank you all Thank you so much for your love and support. This tour is off to a crazy fun start. So thank you. So proud of you. Thanks. Jean jacket. Guys, I added a show at the Netflix is a joke comedy festival and a late show may 8th at the Masonic Lodge at Hollywood forever. That's a cemetery. Isn't that super spooky? Yeah, that's a so much scary. Isn't that super spooky and dope? Yeah, it's perfect for you. Yeah, you're a vampire.

Starting point is 00:05:29 I am a vampire. But I've decided against it, remember, not that you cared the last time I brought it up, but. Because you don't wanna fuckin' live forever. No, I wanna live forever, I just don't wanna live at night. Yeah, you wanna live during the day. The kids asked me that the other day, would you rather have it be sun all the time

Starting point is 00:05:45 or dark all the time? And I was like, mm. That's Alice. It is amazing. Maybe sun, he's like, that way you can do stuff because it's day. And I was like, yeah, it's good. And you can create night.

Starting point is 00:05:56 Yeah. He's right, you can just put up shades. You can just make it dark in the room. Yeah, the room. That is true, yes. I will say, so our son, Alice, does present would you rather's all the time? Unprompted by the way unprompted would you rather's yeah, it is bizarre how genetics work. Yeah, and his are pretty great Yeah, he's had some good ones. Yeah, I know he's like would you rather um, every time you eat you burp or you fart?

Starting point is 00:06:21 Yeah, yeah something like that. Yeah, that's not it. That's not it at all. But I'm trying to think of what it was. Yeah, yeah, it wasn't that. It was good. All right. It was good. Give me some slack. I've got AIDS.

Starting point is 00:06:32 It was good though. I've got toddler AIDS. Listen, we've got three different strands of viruses going through our house right now. I've got all three of them. You somehow don't have any of them. How is this happening? I don't know, but I feel like hot shit death.

Starting point is 00:06:47 I don't understand how I'm fine. I think because you're on all cylinders right now, like you've got porosos, you've got touring, you've got two bears. That's how you break down. No, but when you're in adrenaline, your body's like, not now, dude, but the minute you calm down,

Starting point is 00:07:03 like when we're on a vacation next week, that's when your body's gonna be like alright, bitch. Yeah, that's true time for you to fucking chill, bro Time to get sick man time to get sick homie. All right, you know I'm saying, you know, I'm saying Talk talk about talking about practice. Let's't touch you, man. I was pranked! Not that long ago when I can't stand another man touching me! Well, no one did that. I just can't! Is this a prank? I can't, he won't go away, he needs to go away, he's a fucking problem!

Starting point is 00:07:38 I need to leave? I'll take two and then I'll leave. I still got, I still got, okay. She threw some of my stuff. What's your name, Tom? What's your name, Tom? What's your name, Tom? Who is Ryan?

Starting point is 00:07:48 Who is Ryan? Don't bring anyone's mother into this. Yo, mom, where the fuck is Dan? Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura. Tom Segura. And Christina Pagizzi.

Starting point is 00:08:02 Christina Pagizzi. Welcome to your mom's house Ready? Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on, one drum for you, ready? Oh, I can't do it on this beat. What is that? Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you.

Starting point is 00:08:11 Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you.

Starting point is 00:08:19 Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's a drum for you. Oh, it's't do it on this beat. What is that? I can't drum this beat. I can't drum this beat. How come?

Starting point is 00:08:38 I didn't learn this beat. I'm working on Billie Jean right now. Which is just a straightforward you know 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 4 know, one, two, three, one, two, three, four. Nice, okay. One, two, three, fours. The kick drum. I've heard it.

Starting point is 00:08:49 It's actually alarmed me a few times. I've been in my office and I hear like, do-do-do-do-f, and I'm like, what the fuck? And then I remember that you're down there playing the drums. Yeah. It's terrible, but I'm working on it. That's how it goes.

Starting point is 00:09:01 It's just fun. Yeah, you should do it. It's like a stupid fun thing. I'm happy that you're doing it. It's so loud, though. I kinda don't wanna put it out there that I'm doing that in my neighborhood. It's terrible, but i'm working on it. That's how it goes. It's just fun. Yeah, it's like a stupid fun thing I'm happy that you're doing it. It's so loud though I kind of don't want to put it out there. It's loud in our neighborhood It's okay Um, I love this clip This is by the way, it says pov a gen z or cuts in front of you and others throw stuff

Starting point is 00:09:20 At you for for confronting that and then proceeds to tie them. And that seems very own. I feel like Gen Z, it's not that there's more mentally ill people in Gen Z, it's that TikTok and Instagram have given them a fantastic platform for us to appreciate them. Yeah, to show who they are. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm so grateful, cause before we had to really dig and find mental illness,

Starting point is 00:09:41 like Gigi Allen, they had to make a documentary about people like this. Now they post all the time. That's the fucking best dude. Now they're just posting man. Okay, people are going to be sure no one will see this. I'll tell Lafine though, I'm so sorry. No you're not, I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:09:54 Well she wasn't sorry when she cut in line. Fuck you! I didn't see you! To make it... Oh I just asked her if she saw anyone in line. Just fucking leave! Just go! That's an adult. You're making it worse! naked. I just asked her if she saw anyone in line. Do not leave, sir. This is a really important point to make too.

Starting point is 00:10:20 I'm not advocating hitting women, but sometimes you need to see the backstory when you hear that it happened. You know what I mean? Like when they're like this chick got fucking clocked and you're like that's never okay And then you see the clip and you're like, oh, yeah I mean you shouldn't but but I see what the story is. Sometimes it happens. Yeah, I get the story now Oh, so that's why it happened. Okay. Yeah, I see what you mean. Yeah, you shouldn't do that. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:48 Because what used to happen is they'd be like, let's call... Well, also, the spin on this would be like... The patty wagon, you know? This story, if this had ended in violence, they'd be like, some guy just beat up a girl. Right. And you'd be like, really? That's terrible. Victim, she was a trauma survivor, blah, blah, blah.

Starting point is 00:11:02 Yeah. Some guy in line just went crazy and punched a woman. And you're like, that's fucking nuts. Yeah. They used to put people like this in institutions. Yeah. You would call the pet team or whatever. And they would just be removed. What I'm saying is that this would end in violence.

Starting point is 00:11:16 Yes. And the violence would just be reported. Right. Right. Right. Somebody got violent. Right. And you're like, that's not okay.

Starting point is 00:11:23 Yeah. Why did they do it? And they're like, some guy just fucking hit someone. What happened though? This is what happened. And then you go, you know, sometimes you need to get reset, you know? I don't know if I agree with that.

Starting point is 00:11:38 There's probably less freak outs after the reset. Okay. You know? I don't know, Tom. Somebody drank through a straw for a month and remembered that they should probably not scream everywhere they go. That's true, I forgot.

Starting point is 00:11:51 You lose 25 pounds, you miss talking, and then you're like, yeah, I should probably keep to myself sometimes. I did forget the value of violence. We've forgotten it as a culture. We've completely forgotten the value of violence. And the fact that violence has always been there. Let's not discount the fact that violence is part of who we are.

Starting point is 00:12:13 Human beings, it's one of our absolute premium conditions of being a person is that violence exists and violence is always a possibility. And now we live in this world where they're like, you know what would be great? Is if we could remove violence. It's like, no, it's always gonna be there. You need the threat of violence. Well, men particularly committing.

Starting point is 00:12:35 Some of these fucking broads do too, because here's the thing. Some of these fucking broads. Yeah, they really do. Like men, see we walk around knowing that the threat of violence exists. It's imminent. It's imminent and it helps gauge our behavior in places everywhere we go.

Starting point is 00:12:54 That's one of the big differences between the genders. A guy who does that knows that it could end up, depending on who they're doing it to, in a really ugly situation. And so you don't see as many guys doing that. No, but that's why the woman knows she has societal pressure to keep herself from being attacked. So societal pressure of this guy being shamed as an attacker, as someone that beat up a trauma survivor,

Starting point is 00:13:22 that's her protective layering. But also, I don't, you know, much like when toddlers throw tantrum, this is a tantrum. Yeah, it's a tantrum. Let's just be honest with this. This is an adult tantrum. You don't allow the tantruming kid to get their way. Right, you shouldn't walk away in this situation.

Starting point is 00:13:37 They shouldn't be shuttling him away. They should be like, ma'am, you need to get your life, collect yourself. Or. take you outside and beat the fuck out of you. You just lift up these two out of the United States and you move the situation just right into Syria and it has a whole different outcome.

Starting point is 00:14:00 Yeah. A whole different outcome. Everyone's like, hey, have you walked by that rock pile over there where that lady freaked out? She's been there a week. That's what happens, you know? That's what happens. I think it's good, I think it's good for people.

Starting point is 00:14:18 Yeah, I think they just need to start institutionalizing people again. I think that the biggest mistake was deinstitutionalizationals when Reagan deinstitutionalized all the crazies onto the street. I think you should just give everybody a crowbar. Oh, and let it go like Texas.

Starting point is 00:14:36 Let it fucking go, man. But I feel like we do that in Texas with guns and it kind of works, I hate to say it. It kind of works in Texas. The deterrent, it works as a deterrent because you don't know what your neighbor's packing. So I do believe it creates some level of respect here. There's guns everywhere here.

Starting point is 00:14:49 Everywhere. Yeah. But you don't see a lot of this shit happen. There might be one on me right now. I don't know. I know. Oops. But yeah, this is just mental illness.

Starting point is 00:15:00 Check your fucking size, baby. God, I wish we could just institutionalize. Like if someone could have just locked up my mom, how much happier would I have been? Because then I had to fucking deal with her. And here's the thing, in the institutions, you have a good life. No, I know. You get to be yourself.

Starting point is 00:15:16 You know what I mean? Oh, he's cute. Oh, he's cute. Oh, he's cute. Oh, he's cute. Oh, he's cute. See? He's got problems. He's got all kinds of things going on. Oh boy, my love. See? He's got problems. He's got all kinds of things going on. I like his tattoos.

Starting point is 00:15:50 He's got a lot of tattoos. Good ones, too. Those are really good. The portrait work. Portrait work where he had like Mao as a baby on one side and the guy that jumped out of the airplane with all the money and never got caught on the other side. It's really cool.

Starting point is 00:16:03 Got a lot of cool ideas. Hey, he's got heroes. Yeah. Oh, he's, oh wow. I think I like his artwork actually. And he's got most of his teeth. And this is where the lady from Walmart should be. Right there. Absolutely.

Starting point is 00:16:14 Right fucking next to him. Absolutely. Yeah. Listen, ask somebody that had a mentally ill family member. I can without question, I can without, yeah. Put them away, dude. Medicaid, take care of. I can without yeah, put them away, dude Medicaid take care of I could visit visit Hi, hi crazy shoes, and that's it. This is what you need man

Starting point is 00:16:40 Instead they walk among us dude. Oh my god, you know what freak out at Target what we didn't do what hey guys The pre-sale is live go toegura.com slash tour and use the code word Tommy for early access to tickets to the all new announced shows all over the place. It's live right now. Use the code word Tommy, TomSegura.com slash tour. We are huge fans of Factor meals around this office because it keeps everybody on track with their diet and it's so easy. Eating better is easy with factors delicious, ready to eat meals. Every fresh, never frozen meal is chef crafted, dietitian approved and ready to go in just

Starting point is 00:17:13 two minutes. You'll have over 35 different options to choose from every week, including calorie smart, protein plus and keto. Also there are more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and going all day long. What are you waiting for? Get started and get after your goals. I love these, the two minute meals. Fuel up fast with factors.

Starting point is 00:17:34 Restaurant quality meals that are ready to heat and eat whenever you are. That's the best part, especially if you're a bachelor. We have a lot of bachelors in the office and they love the two minute meals. Pancakes, smoothies, and more. Discover a wide variety of easy options for the entire day like breakfast, midday bites, and more. No prep, no mess meals. Factor meals are ready to heat and eat, so there's no prepping, no cooking, or cleanup needed. Flexible for your schedule. You get as much or as little as you need by choosing your meals every week.

Starting point is 00:18:03 Plus, you can pause or reschedule your deliveries at any time. Factor is the perfect solution if you're looking for fast, premium options with no cooking required. Head to factormeals.com slash ymh50 and use code ymh50 to get 50% off. That's code ymh50 at factormeals.com slash ymh50 to get 50% off. The biggest tournament in college basketball is underway and the action is just getting started. I've teamed up with DraftKings Sportsbook

Starting point is 00:18:30 for the tournament and right now new customers who bet just $5 on anything will score $150 in bonus bets instantly. Download the DraftKings app now and sign up using my code MOM. The crown is yours. That's right, new customers can bet just $5 on anything and receive $150 in bonus bets instantly.

Starting point is 00:18:53 Stay in on the action and use your $150 in bonus bets on DraftKings same game parlays for a shot at an even bigger payout. Combine multiple bets together from the same game including total points scored, number of rebounds by your favorite player and more. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now. New customers use my promo code MOM and bet just five dollars on any wager and get $150 in bonus bets instantly. That's promo code MOM ONLY at DraftKings Sportsbook. Mom only at DraftKings Sportsbook. Please play responsibly on behalf of Boothill Casino and Resort in Kansas. 21 and over. Age varies by jurisdiction.

Starting point is 00:19:46 Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. See dkng.co slash bball for eligibility and deposit restrictions, terms, and responsible gaming resources. We used to do this, and it was brought to our attention that we didn't do it. I was like, how did we stop doing this? How did we stop doing this? We had the ICP guys on the other day,

Starting point is 00:20:11 Shaggy and Violent J. They were amazing guests. And a few weeks have passed, but it's just, we would be, it would really be a crime if we didn't bring it back so here you go yeah you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying you know what i mean you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying you know what i mean you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Starting point is 00:20:40 you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:20:50 That's what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? As a stripper or anything. You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:20:57 You know what I'm saying? But you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? So you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So you know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:21:04 That's what you're saying? That's what you're saying? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Oh, that's what you're saying? Wow. Really good work. That was a great super cut. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Well, you said, yeah, back to him quite a few times.

Starting point is 00:21:12 I did, I did. I wanted him to know that I knew what he was saying. That's the best thing to do to someone who says, you know what I'm saying? You gotta be like, no, I understand. I understand what you're saying. I get what you're saying 100%. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:24 Have fun with those two. Yeah, yeah. And interestingly, I think that's a best thing to do to someone who says, you know, I'm saying, you got to be like, no, I understand. I understand what you're saying. I get what you're saying. Have fun with those two. Yeah. And interesting. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:21:36 That's the best. Check it out. You know what I'm saying? Fuck. I'm saying. Oh fuck. You know what I'm saying? Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

Starting point is 00:21:49 Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Two more. Yeah, I do. Two more. Yeah, yeah. I got two phones in here. Shit looks like a burger.

Starting point is 00:21:57 You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? What you know? You know what I mean? Right now I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you mean. You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? But you know, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:22:10 Right now I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you mean. You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? No, the hell we don't you ain't saying anything yet. You know what I mean? I'm gonna throw up. Fuck, that was a good one. Right out of the ball. That was a classic YMH. That was great. We haven't done that in a minute. That's why Danny Brown named his album after,

Starting point is 00:22:30 from this is how we started a relationship with Danny Brown. You know what I'm saying? I've never had a job in my life. You know what I'm saying? In that jail. You know what I'm saying? Did a little bit of everything. You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:22:43 And then he goes, I'm like, psh, you know what I'm saying? And then he goes, I'm like, pssh, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I wanted to also point out that Shaggy and Violent J pointed out something that we kind of touched upon, but they really articulated and the audience really resonated with,

Starting point is 00:23:03 is that going airtight, it's actually kind of gay. Oh yeah, I think it registered to a few people before them. I never really thought of it as gay, but this is another layer to our discussion about going airtight. Well yeah, because it's a real different thing. Here's the thing, if you're a guy, if you're a guy and there's another guy in the room naked period you have a certain level of comfort with that to be maybe you're just like we're both

Starting point is 00:23:30 Super horny that probably is true and you can kind of keep your distance distance If one's in the mouth and one's in the V, but once you're three deep If you're V and a at the same time there is literally the thinnest layer of skin separating. You still feel each other. Sure. You feel each other. So that's kinda gay. Definitely gay.

Starting point is 00:23:56 I mean, you're in a woman, but your dicks are essentially touching. Yes. And by the way, with all the movement and changing, your dicks are gonna hit all the time too. Of course. I mean, how do you... So you're getting collateral dick on you. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:24:10 Yeah. Runoff cock. Yeah. Well, also too, in order to get one in the P and one in the V, how are you guys standing? Are you... The guy in the V lays on his back. Uh-huh. All right.

Starting point is 00:24:24 So she's riding him. Okay, okay. And then the guy who goes in the A stands over. But yeah, his bag. Yeah, his balls are touching. If he has a long bag, the bag is gonna hang on yours. Yeah, it's gonna slap the guy's nuts that are in the V, or dick. And then the real problem is you're like,

Starting point is 00:24:40 God, that feels good. And then you're like, but I'm not good. But yeah, you like it, yeah. Well, I imagine. And then, by the way then you're like, but I'm not gay. But yeah, you like it, yeah. Well, I imagine. And then, by the way, you're like this, okay? You're this guy, you're in the V, you're looking at this guy who's in the A. Guess what's right above you?

Starting point is 00:24:54 Another D in her mouth, and then his bag's right here. Yeah, see, again, another layer to all of this we hadn't even considered. Yeah, it's hella gay, you know what I'm saying? It's hella gay, you know what I'm saying? It's hella gay, you know what I'm saying? It's so gay. It's pretty gay.

Starting point is 00:25:08 And when you think about it, there's more dick and balls in the room than there are Vs. Yeah, there's three dicks and six balls in the room. Right, so you're dick and ball heavier, it's leaning, it's slanted that way. Yeah, yeah. Ugh, now I think it's totally gay to go.

Starting point is 00:25:25 Yeah. It's totally gay to go airtight. Mm, it's pretty gay. Now I don't, I think the only person it really benefits is the woman, truly. It's a female fantasy, which is kind of exciting. We don't really get many of those. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:38 He had a heart on. I hate that one. So the 3Ds is a female fantasy. That's what I'm saying. So this is actually really nice because it fulfills a woman's wish for once. It's not just all about the guy. Three holes plugged.

Starting point is 00:25:53 Yeah. It's a lot. It's a lot of holes and two hands for, what does you say Josh Dallow? Extra credit. Extra credit, yeah. Yeah, I've seen those videos and I gotta tell you, they look like they're being pushed to their limits in those situations

Starting point is 00:26:07 I think I might need a lot more therapy. Yeah, if you had five if I did that, I think it would traumatize me Well got some good news for you. We got another email Another email Hey daddy squirt. Oh what that would That would traumatize me. Here we go. It's a guy. He wrote in, Hi guys. After listening to the recent episodes and enjoying the stories of people's airtight encounters that glasses, I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be involved

Starting point is 00:26:37 in one of these situations myself. I just recently broke it off with this girl I was seeing and wanted to explore more from my sexual life So I went solo to my first swingers sex party I wasn't expecting much to come from it at the very least I wanted to try it out After knocking back a few glasses of liquid courage I found myself in the company of four guys and three girls two couples and three mixed singles And before I knew it we all made our way up to the playroom and three girls, two couples and three mixed singles.

Starting point is 00:27:05 And before I knew it, we all made our way up to the playroom. It escalated quickly and it started going full throttle. This was like nothing I experienced in my life. Hands everywhere, bodies colliding, and yet I was still in for a surprise. My first airtight experience. After listening to the show for weeks, I didn't think I would be writing and saying

Starting point is 00:27:25 I was on the end of one of these stories, literally. It was at this time of swapping and maneuvering all the women in different variations of Eiffel Towers, I was about to be asked that magical question. Who wants to put one more in? Now's my chance, I was thinking to myself. How many chances do you get to plug the final hole? I can assure you this was a certified airtight experience.

Starting point is 00:27:51 Hate from Australia. Thank you RC not to be confused with the great RPC. Wow. So thanks RC. That sounds like quite an experience. Wow, you'll have that with you for the rest of your life. What a neat thing you can tell the kids one day. Yes. And what did they ask the question? Who wants to go? Somebody said, who wants to put one more in? Wow.

Starting point is 00:28:16 And he said, I do. And he was like, I'll do it. Yeah. I'm guessing it was the A. He had the A probably. Right, because the primo, we all know the hot spot would be. The V. Well, now that we think about it, the one zone, He had the a probably right because of the primo we all know the hotspot would be the V Well now that we think about it the once zone the one zone that will be free of any dude edge might be the mouth Right. No, no, no, no mouth getting used to by everybody. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah mouth and mouth is first. Okay, so the vag is

Starting point is 00:28:40 First like the mouth is like that feels good V Everyone's like let me stay here and then the A is like, she's gotta be down for it, she's gotta ask for it. And then yeah, that's like, that's the final, that's when you're like, oh, the puzzle's complete. Yeah, yeah, he's gotta be last in. Yeah, so, well, way to go, man. Yeah, that's really exciting.

Starting point is 00:28:58 And I also like how- And that girl has a cool story too, it's not just him. Of course. How we've inspired people. What a fucking contribution we're making to the world right now. You know, there's life changing moments, when to quit a job, when to have children, get married,

Starting point is 00:29:14 but also when to go airtight, extremely important. Extremely important. Wow. Real quick, I wanna talk to one of our guys here, I don't know how many people know yet that we have Young Tanner who works here. He's been here for a minute. He's a young fella, started doing standup.

Starting point is 00:29:32 Just a few weeks ago, he did the Kill Tony show. And he had a great set, and they invited him to do the secret show. Okay, Tanner. Tanner, how are you, buddy? Doing great. Where are you from exactly? San Clemente, California. Hey!

Starting point is 00:29:46 San Clemente. And you moved around. I remember, didn't you live in Idaho? Yeah, I lived in Idaho, dabbled there for a bit. And then lived on a ranch about two hours outside of Austin. And you did ranch work? Ranch work, yeah. All that fun shit.

Starting point is 00:29:58 Now you're doing stand-up in Austin. Hell yeah. How fun was it to do Kill Tony? So much fun. It was a really good time. Yeah? Yeah. And you had a great set? Yes. Yes. And um, so will you be doing the show again? Is that how like, will you go back? Um, well, I'll do Secret Show tonight, which is Red Band Show.

Starting point is 00:30:16 But I have to get pulled out the bucket again. Okay. And how much time will you do at the Secret Show if you get pulled? Um, anywhere from five to ten minutes. Whoa, do you have ten minutes? I don't have a confident ten, not at all. I'm not going to stretch my material. Go for five, dude. Yeah, I'm going to go for five. I'm going to tell Red Band, like, no, I need to do five. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:35 So I can always play after this. If your five extends, like if you're in the middle of this bit and you're hitting six, it's fine. Yeah. But then, like, if that ends and you're like, especially if that ends and you're like, especially if that ends well, get off. That is the big thing.

Starting point is 00:30:49 We've all have, but yeah, that's the move. Sometimes when I do these, there's weird time slots that they give you for special events. They'll be like, can you do 30 at this thing? Or can you do 40 at this thing? And you hit a bit that crushes and there's two minutes left on the thing?

Starting point is 00:31:10 I just go, yeah, you go good night. Yeah, yeah, you just ride it out. But yeah, that's all part of it. But that's awesome, man. That's so great, Tanner. Thank you. And what I love about Tanner is that he is just, I mean, he's presenting as somewhat normal right now. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:27 He's not. Yeah, no, no. Rest assured that he might be the weirdest of all of us. What do you like to do? What do you do in your free time? I mean, I know you like to do standup, but like, how do you spend your free time? I listen to a lot of music.

Starting point is 00:31:40 Okay. Yeah. A lot, like all day. What kind of music? Anything, anything and everything. I like a lot of grunge right now and shoegaze. Been really into that. Nice. Okay. A lot like all day. What kind of music? Anything, anything and everything. I like a lot of grunge right now and shoegaze. Been really into that. Okay. 90s rap, like a lot of New Yorkers. Really like that. A lot of New York based rap? Yeah, New York based rap. Okay. Who is like, who are you listening to? Gang Starr. Oh my god, that's Tommy's jams. Who else am I listening to? Oh my god, that's Tommy's jams. Who else am I listening to?

Starting point is 00:32:05 Oh, who sings that one? The Digital Underground? Oh. Yeah, yeah, Digital Underground. Now they're Oakland based. Yeah, yeah, they're California, but I like that. Little bit of country, like old, old country, like Towns Van Zandt,

Starting point is 00:32:19 Willie, Waylon. How did you end up on a ranch outside of Austin? So my buddy's dad bought some property and was like, hey, I'm putting two shipping containers on the property If you want to come live in them. Shipping containers. Yeah, like the ones on the back of trucks. Yeah. Yeah. So I lived in that For about like a year and a half. Here's where it starts. This is where it starts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and what kind of ranch work would you do? I would weld fence, cut cows' balls off. Oh. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:50 How do you learn how to do that? You just go for it, you know? Seriously? Yeah, like I was in a... Do they sedate them or something before? No, they're all pissed off. Yeah, you put them... They're super pissed off?

Starting point is 00:32:59 Yeah, you get like 30 cattle, you put them in this small pen, and then you put them into a squeeze chute one by one, and like a cow will run in in and you slam these walls down and shh and then they start freaking out so then you tie a rope around their back leg and yank it up and then you get a little pocket knife and you grab the balls. Pocket knife? Yeah and you got to do it to the baby to the baby bulls oh because and their balls haven't dropped yet, so you gotta reach up in there. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Starting point is 00:33:25 And you gotta pull them out. Is that what I mean? Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. You see what I mean? Yeah. That's Jesus. It's real Joker vibes. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:33:33 After you cut them, after you cut them, you let them go and then they kinda just stand there for like 10 minutes. Stunned. And you don't have to like stop the bleeding? Oh yeah, you spray ammonia on it. Ammonia. Yeah, so it doesn't get infected and... Why do you have to do this? Why are they doing this?

Starting point is 00:33:49 So, because you want some cattle to be like breeders only, some you just want to feed. Just depends what they want to use the cattle for. Jesus Christ. Yeah. That's a lot, dude. Yeah, a lot of balls. God, I feel so sad.

Starting point is 00:34:03 What do they do with the balls? You can eat them. Cool. High testosterone, high T. Yeah, a lot of balls. I feel so sad. What do they do with the balls? You can eat them. Cool. High testosterone, high T. Yeah, liver king. All that good biofeedback. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:34:11 Jesus Christ. But we would usually just kind of throw them around. Okay. And then you could keep the skin, the sack. You keep the skin? You can, yeah, because it's like a little- Do you have any skin? It's like a coin purse.

Starting point is 00:34:23 Yeah, do you still have one? It's on the ranch in like my little cabin, but- Okay. Yeah, it's like a little you have a nice like a coin purse. Yeah, do you still have one? It's on the ranch in like my little cabin, but okay. Yeah, it's like dried up now your little cabin You mean your my shipping container? Yeah, just a bed in there. You mean the home home say yeah little headquarters Are you still living there? No, no, okay? Yeah, you have a proper living space now. Yeah, I got my room You have your room. Do you have a roommate? My mom and dad. Oh sweet. Do they live here? Yes, yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah, they're great. Okay, so you live with mom and dad. Are they what do they think of your comedy career? They enjoy it. They're in there. Are they're behind you like they're supportive? Yeah, they support it. Yeah, I like talking about them on stage. Is that what you're doing?

Starting point is 00:34:58 Yeah, that's what I started doing now. What are your folks like? They're about your guys age. Mm dad, he trains jiu jitsu. He's a black belt. I can't challenge him to anything. Yeah. And then my mom, she's just, you know, does her thing. What's your dad's

Starting point is 00:35:18 vocation? What does he do for a living growing up? He grew up in Hawaii. Fucking military kid. How about when you were a kid? What did you do for a living like growing up? Um he grew up in Hawaii fucking? Military kid, but how about when you're a kid? Oh when I was a kid? He did a Yeah, he sold some weed a little bit okay, but it was like legal It was like when California was chill with it. He did that for a bit and then now he does Loans I think for houses helps with loans

Starting point is 00:35:44 Yeah, I don't know. I just yeah, I don't know, I just, you know. Yeah, does he work at a bank? No, no, no, doesn't work at a, we're not Jewish, no. Pfft. What did I tell you? Is it personal loans? Is he lending out money himself? No, it's like, uh, you know, like people, like, for like houses and stuff. No, I understand that.

Starting point is 00:36:02 Like a loan officer. Yeah, okay. Loan officer, okay. I don't know what those days probably isn't it a financial institution that he works for I don't know yeah yeah all right some Jew I don't know yeah he's Filipino so no no Jay there oh yeah I'm half Asian we got the sauce that was wild okay all right well look I am I'm very excited to have Okay. That's Tanner. That was fucking wild. All right, well look, I'm very excited to have a young comic working here.

Starting point is 00:36:29 I'm excited, I haven't seen you just stand up, but I'm excited to see it. And so we'll be checking in with you, man. Yes, young blood. We'll keep checking in with you. Congrats on your- Congrats on that. Yeah, kill Tony, that's huge. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:36:40 Good for you. Good for Tony Hinchcliffe. Give the Jew back the mic. Tony's so good about fostering young talent in the city. I think that's really cool. The show's incredible. What it's become is absolutely amazing. It's amazing.

Starting point is 00:36:52 And Tony makes me laugh so much in the green room. You know what I love about him as a comic is like, he's funny just sitting around. Yeah, yeah, he's really funny. He'll throw out jokes in the green room where you're like, you didn't just laugh so hard. Like you didn't just do that. He always has something in the chamber ready to go. God damn it, he's so funny. He's great. And they built a fucking like a... Empire. Yeah, it's a machine. It's fucking crazy.

Starting point is 00:37:18 Can I tell you what made me want to puke? You're reading that airtight email? What? Is when they refer to the fuck room as the play room It's always referred to as that and they also say do you want to play? Yeah, you want to play this is where we'll play play Pop play play but plays for children. So it's kind of No, they just say sex. Should we have sex here? So I can do you need bro, you need to go to a party with 20 strangers. I know.

Starting point is 00:37:46 It's just really fucking weird. It's so much. Maybe we'll get into this when our kids leave the nest. I think about it. That'll be good in our 60s. We'll show up and someone will be like, who wants to fuck the gross couple? What do you think swingers parties are?

Starting point is 00:37:59 Yeah, I know. It's a lot of gross people. But planning already. There's gross people everywhere You know the obesity epidemic isn't real and it shouldn't be an anti-capitalist talking point when someone unironically References the obesity epidemic or even uses the word obesity It tells me they really don't know what they're talking about What is your fatness this use of the word obesity stems directly from the BMI which was created by a eugenicist with no medical

Starting point is 00:38:22 Training who based the scale only on white bodies and cow math. Fatness is not an epidemic. Fat people existed before capitalism and before colonization. Fatphobia is a direct result of anti-blackness. Oh, wait a minute, it's tied into anti-blackness. Did you know that, Annie? What the fuck?

Starting point is 00:38:39 Yeah. Don't fucking tie us in with your bullshit. What the fuck she talking about? Yeah. God damn, this is all you guys. That bitch got a fucking mustache. Come on, man, she styled it too. She wants that shit. talking to her with your bullshit with the fuck she's talking about? Yeah. God damn. This is all you guys. That bitch got a fucking mustache. Come on, man.

Starting point is 00:38:47 She styled it too. She wants that shit. Man. Come on, man. And it has deadly consequences for many groups of indigenous folks and other people of color, as well as fat folks. Oh, indigenous folks. When you make the obesity epidemic a real symptom of capitalism, you are not only ostracizing

Starting point is 00:39:00 fat people from anti-capitalist thinking, but also actively ignoring that the health outcomes related to obesity are more accurately attributed to food deserts and fat phobic discrimination in healthcare. The obesity epidemic was created by Western medicine to avoid addressing the actual causes of health inequity, which is what we as anti-capitalists should be doing. This is like just taking the words and putting them in a blender. And then when you pour it out, you're like, I'm not accountable for my actions.

Starting point is 00:39:26 That's really the shake that you end up drinking. Yeah. This is spin. You know, the fact here's the reason you're fat. You're eating too much fucking food and you're not moving around enough. And it doesn't have anything to do with indigenous folks or black people or capitalism. It's because you're fucking eating too much and you're lazy. That's why you're fucking fat and you don't have any genetic.

Starting point is 00:39:49 Black colonialism. Jesus Christ. I think too, this is like, hey, I just graduated with a liberal arts degree. Let me throw every fucking dumb thing they taught me. Her parents wanna fucking kill themselves too. Oh, I would die. Because she brings us up at dinner all the time.

Starting point is 00:40:01 Oh my God. And they're like, do you really wanna have another baked potato? And she's like, do you really wanna have another baked potato? And she's like, you know, as an indigenous person would say to you right now, and they're like, oh, for fuck's sake. Just eat, Kathy. Your mother made the Thanksgiving turkey.

Starting point is 00:40:14 This is the capitalistic bullshit that you guys fucking said. And she's like, okay, all right. I hate the anti-capitalists too. And this is also the person who's the anti-capitalist also always is hitting somebody up for money There's no way this person isn't being like of course they rail against this and then she's like mom I need you to Venmo me $500 right now

Starting point is 00:40:32 And and how does she get her iPhone to to make the anti-capitalist video and to put it on her platform her Instagram? Anti-capitalist that's what would say everything right?? No one would be fat if we had an anarchist society. Actually, you're right, your Syria method. Yeah. Yeah, there's not a big obesity epidemic there. She's running the streets, dude, literally running away from people. Everyone's got just enough to get by there,

Starting point is 00:41:00 that's for sure. Jesus Christ. I would love it. I think this is great. We should round up the mentally ill. Fatty complaining is just the fucking funniest lane that there is. Like the fucking, these motherfuckers, man. Like, look, I've been extra fat and like you have perspective once you, you know, time goes by and you just realize there's just no,

Starting point is 00:41:26 like the problem is if you're trying to blame anybody but yourself, you just have to be accountable. That's the whole thing. Just be accountable. There's, there's, that's the only thing you have to do. I know. And also I don't, you know, like I see women too, like in the anti-feminist or feminist TikTokers

Starting point is 00:41:44 and they're like, it's society. It's like, you know what? At some point you just have to stop blaming the external world. You just need to fucking push away from the table. That's all you got to do. She's blaming society for her fatness. The BMI is to blame. And she's blaming capitalism. And indigenous peoples.

Starting point is 00:42:02 Are you fat? And people of color. Because of Jeff Bezos? That's why you're fat No, you're fat because you keep eating and you're not hungry You know how you always feel sick after you eat It's because it's too much. It's too much you eat too much. Yeah, I see too much of a not here. Yeah It's too much For those of you. I've just started listening to your mom's house.

Starting point is 00:42:26 That's our other intern, Ling Nao. Tom and I at some point in our marriage would go to Koreatown and order sushi. No, but this was actually in the South Bay. In the South Bay we would go to a sushi place. And we would, to be fair, I was ordering too much. We were ordering way too much. I was, yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:50 I was very, I was very overweight and I had an incredible appetite. I could eat a lot of food and I did. And sushi was one of the most fun things to order a lot of. That's one of those things where you go like, yeah, let me get like 30 pieces. Cause you're not gonna get a two-fold. I never get full on sushi. It's not like greasy, right? So it's like, it's one thing if you go like, yeah, let me get like 30 pieces. Because you're not gonna get a two-fold. I never get full on sushi. And you're not gonna feel, it's not like greasy, right?

Starting point is 00:43:07 So it's like, it's one thing if you go, let me get three cheeseburgers. It's like, dude, you're gonna fucking shit here at the table. But sushi, you're like, it's fish and rice. You're like, yeah, do it up. Well, and like the Japanese aren't fat, and that's what they eat.

Starting point is 00:43:20 Yeah, they don't eat as much as we were eating. But I would order and the lady would be like, no. Every time, by the way. Not just once. Who else coming? I would be like, no, it's just us. She'd be like, no, too much, too much. She was like, no, but I want it.

Starting point is 00:43:35 She's like, eat this first, then you order more. Yeah. I was like, okay. She would chastise us. You ordered too much food. We're like, we're gonna finish it, bitch. Yeah. Wait, what did we do though, remember?

Starting point is 00:43:45 This is why you look like this. And I was like, hey. There's also that Korean lady at the burger place in West Hollywood on Santa Monica. There was that little burger stand that I used to go to. Yes, we loved that place. What the fuck was that place called? It's like a dump stand.

Starting point is 00:44:01 Yeah, yeah, they shut down. They ended up shutting down. But so, they were Korean immigrants and they had great, they did breakfast burritos. And when I worked at Rocket Science, the post-production place, we would walk over there for breakfast. And sometimes we would go for lunch and get burgers. And when you get a burger, they would serve you on a like old school, just traditional white paper plate. And she would draw. So she would just draw like a happy face or something. serve you on a like old school, just traditional white paper plate. And she would draw. So she would just draw like a happy face or something.

Starting point is 00:44:29 And one time for me, she drew like a face like like this and she was like, here you go. And I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, then to your, in your defense, there was also women who wanted to feed you. Remember Summer? Our beloved Summer. Sunny. Sunny. Now I felt like a little competition from her when you and I were dating.

Starting point is 00:44:53 You know, and people like, you forget that that- She loved you. I know, but that world of people that would go there is actually, like you can meet a lot of people in our age range who were going out at that time who know Sonny. You know what I mean? Because that was a popular spot.

Starting point is 00:45:11 She was a Silver Lake, whatever. Celebrity. Retarded, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, so that was the bar. What was the place called? You remember the place? Smog Cutter. The Smog Cutter.

Starting point is 00:45:21 A lot of people went there. You bring up Sonny now and people are like, I remember Sonny. So yeah, she was a little more beat down. The smog cutter. The smog cutter. A lot of people went there. You bring up Sunny now and people are like, I know Sunny. Yeah, I know that. So yeah, she was a little more beat down. She was about 20 years older than me. Yeah. And one day I was like, damn, what is that?

Starting point is 00:45:32 And she was like, beef stew. I was like, shit, let me know when you make the next batch. And she was like, I will. Ah. And then she hit me up. Okay. And she was like, stew ready. Okay.

Starting point is 00:45:44 You come eat. Okay. I was like, holy shit, Sunny's hitting me up. And she was like, still ready. You come eat? I was like, holy shit, Sonny's hitting me up? She's like, come here, little white man. And that's when you and I just started dating. Yeah, so you're like, ooh, who does he like? Who's this Sonny? Because I heard you told me the story and I started to get jealous.

Starting point is 00:45:59 Who's this fucking bitch feeding my man? She didn't feed me. She wanted to. Let me tell you something. When a woman feeds you, she likes you. That's true. Or in my case, if I feed you, I love you. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:13 Now I was very upset because you know what I'm saying? Like you don't feed. I remember one time I went out with a girl one time. I had met her at something and then she was like, you should come over for lunch. And she made a fucking feast She wants to she wanted to wife her up. She did she really did. I know she knows a good thing when she sees it Why why didn't it work out with her? I don't know. It just didn't man. It just didn't but she really didn't like her looks

Starting point is 00:46:38 No, she was pretty we just I don't know. I was young, you know, I was fucking young. That's a young for me, bitch Don't forget. I started kissing on you when you were just 23. I snapped you up quick. Young Tom's a girl. Okay, okay. All right. Okay. Do you remember, though, I started cooking for you and I don't just cook for any old piece of D that comes to my apartment. That's when a woman loves you. Yeah, that's true. No, that's a real sign. A woman cooks for you. She's got to care. She's got to care.

Starting point is 00:47:11 Yeah, I know. And if you're dating someone and she's never cooked for you... Red flag. I think... No bueno. No bueno. Well, you know, I don't know. Like I know there's a lot of women that don't cook. And you don't have to be, but you don't have to be, that's the thing, you don't have to be a chef to pull it off. It's the fact that like, even if you learn how to make something,

Starting point is 00:47:33 it's the act of like, I want to feed you. Oh my God. This just brings me back. See, you know what I'm learning the older I get, is that as crazy as my parents were, are, every now and then they say stuff that rings true. And you're like, god damn it, do I have to admit that my crazy parent is right?

Starting point is 00:47:52 Remember my dad, my dad was dating this American woman, and that was the last American he dated. And remember his gripe about her, she worked too hard, she worked too many hours. He was like, yeah, she gets home from work, she doesn't bring me like cold boss, like sausages, doesn't bring me beer, doesn't say, what do you want to eat, what can I make you?

Starting point is 00:48:12 And you're like, yeah, she's tired, she worked hard. She's tired, but he doesn't like that. And he was like, the fuck out of here with that shit. Yeah, get the fuck out of here. No, but this is what he says, he says, she don't bring me nothing, don't bring me plate, of salami, something, bring me something, a beer. She doesn't bring me nothing.

Starting point is 00:48:28 But here's the thing, it's funny. But it's kind of true. It's kind of true, it is kind of true. Because I don't do it out of subservience or fear. Now this homo here, this is like the, this is the type of person that's like. This homo here. Yeah, this is the type of shit where this person goes like, well, you know, because there's this whole thing now of like,

Starting point is 00:48:48 well, she's tired. And it's like, yeah, I get it. She is tired and you don't have to do this every day. That's not happening every night. Right, but if it never occurs to you, like as the lady, they feel like take care of your man in that way. And that's not saying that the man shouldn't take care

Starting point is 00:49:00 of you in ways too. Right, which you do. But like, if you don't do that at all, yeah, that's kinda. Because I know it's a, oh, it's a patriarchy, this and that. It's fucked up. But like, listen, at the end of the day, and I learned this after having two children,

Starting point is 00:49:14 that my nature, as much as I wanna be a dude or I wanna be in a man's world, my nature is to give love, to be the center of the house, to provide love and comfort to my family. And that makes me really happy. And I guess it's not feminist or whatever, but every now and then I bring you a plate of salami, they're watching movie together, it's nice, right?

Starting point is 00:49:35 That's nice, what's wrong with being nice? Be nice. Just be nice. Be nice. Just be nice. That's all you want is you want someone to be fucking nice to you. She worked too hard.

Starting point is 00:49:43 That's my favorite thing. She don't clean. By way in a and another person Romantic or not just be kind. That's all you want to spend time with nice people kind people It's so important and to not start drama. Yeah Oh, for fuck's sake, you dick. No, it's- OW! Why do you do that? You're just having a bad day. I know, I thought it was- It's like a fucking- What a betrayal. It's a sprinkler.

Starting point is 00:50:14 How could it be that much? Yeah, even Annie's a sprinkler. No. Okay. Alright, stop. Why do you do that? Alright, stop. Why do you get me when I'm having a nice moment? I was having a nice moment too. You ruin everything.

Starting point is 00:50:29 Well, this is pretty spectacular. No one's just doing this. Why do you ruin the moment? I'm so upset with you. Oh no. You put on the fucking bank loan officer glasses. Linda's here. You fucking bum me out.

Starting point is 00:50:48 La matraca, traca, traca, la matraca, traca, traca. Oh shit, man. I know, it's fucking weird. Why are you upsetting me? La matraca, traca, traca. I don't like this at all. This is me if I was living in Syria when I had my basketball injury.

Starting point is 00:51:00 Oh, for sure, they'd cut it right off. I would be on the streets going, la matraca, traca, traca, la matraca, traca, for sure. They cut it right off. I would be on the streets going, La Matraca, Traka, Traka, La Matraca, Traka, Traka. There's no trauma fucking department there. No way. No fucking way, dude. Yeah. No, they would have sawed my leg off too. Yeah. It'd be limping. Done. No rehabbing that shit. They cut it right off. Yeah. Hey, can I tell you what I did yesterday? Yeah. I was home sick and for the first time in my life. I watched Wheel of Fortune I mean not for some of since I was like a kid. Yeah, dude. You remember watching that shit?

Starting point is 00:51:32 Yeah, I didn't know that's still on I mean it's gonna be like close to 50 years on here You know Vanna White petitioned to keep her job when she got old cuz they wanted to fire her Yeah, they wanted a new hottie. Of course, that's the position. But she's like, no, you keep me, you fucking piece of shit. Yeah, I'm still hot. Yeah. Yeah. But I didn't watch today's.

Starting point is 00:51:53 I watched the old Wheel of Fortune. And you know, when you're a kid and you're like, you see the fabulous prizes and you're like, dude, they're like millionaires. Yeah, this is so crazy. But they're just. Just giving them this shit? Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:04 Yeah. I was watching, like Just giving them this shit? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was watching, like the prizes are so craptastic. It's such shit. It's dog shit. It's like a brand new mirror made of. Yeah. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:52:15 It's a mirror that has lights on it. Yeah. She's like, oh my fucking god. You can hang it from the wall. The prizes were so fucking whack. But I did want to point out how attractive and thin people were. And if you could bring up, there's a contestant on there. This is from the 80s named Pam.

Starting point is 00:52:35 And I was like, if this isn't Tom's type, what do you think? Yeah, Pam's, she's cute. Pam can get it, right? Yeah, yeah. Pam can get all of it. Yeah, I like her. How do you know that?

Starting point is 00:52:48 How do I know that I know your type But look how foxy so Pam worked in a high-end car dealership. Oh, yeah She closed a lot of yeah, dude She totally did and uh And so she was Pam was in it for like the throat dude. She was good This is the fucking thing about dealerships. Pam. They're so stupid to have a floor full of male salesmen Oh, I know because the men the men that sale that sell cars You know some are cool a lot are not and their whole thing is like You know, I mean can can you afford it? Like can you do this?

Starting point is 00:53:21 Yeah, it's it's playing on that psychology of like, yeah, can you do this? Shaming. Yeah, it's playing on that psychology of like, can you do this man, you know? Right, and so like, it either feels insulting and you wanna leave, or you wanna prove that guy wrong. Like, that's kind of the psychology of that. But a woman makes the guy go like, no, yeah, yeah, I definitely want this, yeah, right? And that's what they should have. Dealerships should just be full

Starting point is 00:53:43 of attractive women selling. I'm telling you, their sales would go through the roof. A thousand percent. And what I liked about Pam's whole thing is that she's not dressing like a hoe at the car dealership. She's probably dressed kind of like this. Maybe she shows her clavicles to show vulnerability,

Starting point is 00:53:59 but she's classy. And what Pam says to you is, if you buy this car, you're gonna get to fuck somebody like me, right? high-value woman mm-hmm and so Pam went for the jugular on this episode. She just absolutely crushed it really and You watch this episode. I just I really got dialed in tube No, it's just on the on the Apple TV if you know shit and you can see like you watch older I mean I would see that be like who the fuck would watch this and

Starting point is 00:54:26 Little do I know the person in my house is watching it this dummy right here. It's insane Well, you know told me to is Adam Eaglet because I was sick And he goes you know you should do is watch Wheel of Fortune when you're sick And I was like that makes sense because when you're a child and you're home from school. That's what you watch That's why you watch that daytime bullshit this bullshit.. You watched that daytime bullshit. This bullshit. Yeah. This stupidity where you think they're millionaires cause they got a free fucking mirror. It was so funny.

Starting point is 00:54:50 That's funny. Yeah and then I can't even watch Jeopardy though cause I feel like too much of a dummy. I feel more, more than, than the, you know. I'm not retarded. I feel so dumb. Can't watch Jeopardy. And I do that thing too on Jeopardy,

Starting point is 00:55:06 where if it's on and I get a question right, I immediately change the channel. Cause I'm like, that's all that's happening on this fucking thing. You can't want to ruin your winning streak. I'm like, I just got one right. I'm tapping the fuck out of this. Yeah. Yeah. I agree.

Starting point is 00:55:22 Cause sometimes they'll put up a category, they'll be like, you know, 90 hip-hop artists, and I'm like I Go two for two and I'm like change change change change change the channel yeah Obscurate ease goth bands. Yeah, they do that every once in a while, but then they go like 13th century literature, and you're like who the fuck Bay And then you see somebody just rip through it and you're like, how the fuck is this your knowledge? But like, how do they know? Like 16th century cabinet making. Rivers in India.

Starting point is 00:55:51 And you're like, you know this? Why would anyone know this? There has to be a way that they prepare the contestants. Is there zero path? There has to be a way. Are they just like, are you smart? You wanna try it? It can't be that everybody, somebody knows this shit.

Starting point is 00:56:04 Okay, let's see here. Make that larger for my dad eyes. How the fuck do you? Okay, if you've decided to take the leap and try it, you have to dig into details. Studying for Jeopardy can be a daunting task. However, by creating a mind and adhering to the following tips,

Starting point is 00:56:17 you can get better at it. The first thing that every Jeopardy contestant will tell you is to watch the show. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, no shit Sherlock. The champions and showrunners will also advise you the same. It is not enough to get is to watch the show. Yeah, that's true. No shit Sherlock. The champions and show winners will also advise you the same. It is not enough to get an idea about the trivia. You need the general cadence of how the questions are awarded.

Starting point is 00:56:31 What is? That alone, Tom, can I just tell you something? I wouldn't even be able to answer it properly. I'd be so nervous. That's right. It's in the form of a question. What is the Ganges? I would fail every time. How to study. God damn. Watching Jeopardy on a regular basis will help you get accustomed to the categories of idiosyncratic subjects in the game Jeopardy can ask you any questions on any subject from the entire history of all human knowledge However, some of the topics that come up repeatedly on the show are US presidents Okay world capitals and famous writers and painters. That's yes in most jeopardy games We see the questions about day to day activities worldwide

Starting point is 00:57:06 as it strikes the chords among the audience when the contestant provides the right answer. Get the right resources. You may find thousands of blogs or videos on the internet to study Jeopardy. However, study guide from Jeopardy itself is considered a great place to get you started with basics. The guide will provide you with a well rounded knowledge

Starting point is 00:57:23 base to take a good shot at passing the test. Besides this, you can also refer to J6 on Alexa Jeopardy, Test Prep Center J, Archive and the Jeopardy fan. While you gather all the information from these resources, start preparing a mind map where you can put all the references. By creating a mind map, you ensure that you will quickly revise all the major... I mean, this really is for the people that were excellent academics, like the great students. This is why they, people who do really well on the show are almost always people that were great students. Like Blossom is really good at this.

Starting point is 00:57:56 Practice more. You know that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mayim Blahnik, Manola Blahnik, she's really good at this. The Japanese game is all about memorizing information. However, repetitive memory cramming is not enough. There are various sources on the internet through which you can learn.

Starting point is 00:58:11 So you know I was offered Jeopardy. No you weren't. Yes I was. I was offered Jeopardy this year. Excuse me, last year, in the fourth quarter of last year. I feel like you're lying. Is this one of the stories you tell the kids at bedtime and then the ambulance stopped

Starting point is 00:58:24 and then they puked on each other and then? No. You've been lying a lot. This is the poo pile. This is Jeopardy. Why would they offer you Jeopardy? Celebrity Jeopardy. I got offered to be on Celebrity Jeopardy.

Starting point is 00:58:37 I would have loved to watch you fail. Yeah, if you do it for... You win like $100 for your charity. You're like, hmm. Now at a bum starlight you didn't know that i turned it down obviously obviously yeah could you imagine i'm not making it up i swear to god let's have the agent jeans verify it i don't remember if he's the one that told me or not well let's see all right are you calling? Yeah, because you're calling me a liar. Because you lie so much lately.

Starting point is 00:59:07 Hey. What's going on? Hey, you're on the podcast right now. And Jesus Christ. Yeah. I'm being called a liar, so I don't remember who called me with it. And so I'm trying to call the people.

Starting point is 00:59:21 Do you remember me being offered to be a contestant on Celebrity Jeopardy? Please. Oh, hesitation. I gotta be honest, man. I, off the top of my head, I don't. Yeah, I was offered. Wow. I swear to God. Oh, you can find it in email.

Starting point is 00:59:37 I'm sure it's there. I'm looking it up right now. I'm looking it up right now. I'm gonna figure it out. What about the poo pile, Agent Jeans? Do you believe that existed? What the fuck is the poo pile? See, this is not the person to ask about that.

Starting point is 00:59:52 All right. He knows everything we talk about. I don't buy this shit. That's part of God. How far do you think Cigurra could get on Celebrity? It depends on who the other celebrities are. Well, they would obviously have me be the dumbest one. So I don't think I would do well.

Starting point is 01:00:07 If you could go up. Celebrity Jeopardy? I think you'd actually do pretty well on that. I tell you what you would fucking kill at is if you did Celebrity Family Feud. Oh. Versus the Kreischers or something. I think they did that.

Starting point is 01:00:20 I think they did it. The Kreischers did it already? Yeah, they did it. I would love to go sagura v. Kreischer That would be fun. We would bomb our kids would be like penis. Yeah Smell my asshole Agent you're pretty smart you could do jeopardy. I feel like He knows stuff we don't know stuff about stuff.

Starting point is 01:00:49 I got the- I don't know man. Celebrity Jeopardy, that stuff usually comes through a publicist. So maybe it was them who called. Okay, well. Okay. Sure. Can you call them right now for me, please? You want me to dial them in? All right. Yeah, Andrew, stop what you're doing all this business you're gonna just call me back call me back okay thank you the Christchurch did do it yeah they did where's Leanne she died I think she's like she's probably at the

Starting point is 01:01:18 top yeah oh there she is she looks great oh well Bert oh look at his face. Oh my god doing the Steve face. I love it. What a great gig All you have to do is go who are they competing against Marcus? How'd they do that they win I'm not sure look how fatty is to wow yeah, I was before yeah, yeah Yeah, I would do celebrity family farts, feuds, family feud. Mm-hmm. I think I'm half decent at this game, half decent. Jeopardy would be a wash for me, I'm an idiot.

Starting point is 01:01:56 Yeah. I would know one question maybe, I know a lot about very stupid things, very little stupid things. I don't got general knowledge. I think they make the questions a little bit easier on the celebrity versions. They have to, right?

Starting point is 01:02:09 They have to. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they do. Because it's always for charity, right? Google some Jeopardy, let's see if we can do it. Oh, there's a test. There's a test? I mean, let's do it. You can do the fake test.

Starting point is 01:02:20 Here, let's write it down. You have to answer in the form of a question. Okay, okay. What is retarded? Okay. We gotta make YMH, Jeopardy. Oh, shit, we should. You know what we should do?

Starting point is 01:02:34 Huh. All right, all right. Are we gonna answer together? So write down your answer. You write down your answer and then we'll answer separately. Okay. But you have to write it down like they do in that round where they write it down And I forget is the rules that if you like if you buzz in and you're wrong you lose that

Starting point is 01:02:52 Yeah, and then they take money the money that you gambled away from your okay amount So like how much can you even win playing jeopardy? Because this is an awful lot of prep work for a fucking game show I mean, I still remember being a kid watching that was a Ken Jennings, right? The mother well, he's the host now Sometimes host I think yeah, but I remember that motherfucker won like fucking 50 times in a row or some shit How much money like millions it must have been I mean that's worth it for all the prep if you're studying for this thing It's not like Wheel of Fortune really give me a T. Okay, take practice test. There you go.

Starting point is 01:03:25 Oh shit. Alright, here we go. Don't forget to answer in the form of a question. I'm so scared. We're celebrity, Jevrey. Dummy Jevrey. Okay, the test will begin in 30 seconds. Oh no! But here's the thing, you're gonna have to fill somebody's answer in. Right? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:44 Alright, alright, fine, fine fine you guys can be a team okay we'll be a team okay sure I'm gonna piss myself I'm so and if we disagree on one you make note of what you disagree sure and then we see if somebody was right all right guys the test will begin in five four three two one Five, four, three, two, one. US President. Oh shit, I fail. He succeeded James Madison. I don't know, dude. Marilyn Monroe?

Starting point is 01:04:14 Thomas Jefferson. Thomas Jefferson. James Carter, the party starter. Tim is Jefferson. Okay. Carter, the Bible. Oh, fuck. In Genesis chapter four for the Lord set mark upon this brother Less and why him should kill him. I don't know what are we look what is who is Luke in Genesis chapter 4?

Starting point is 01:04:35 Lord don't mark upon him the brother lest Cain who is Cain? Okay. Well you meant right write that down. I can't brother was able okay traditionally a black Russian pairs with this Liquor oh oh vodka. What is vodka? I? Know that you know that potatoes vodka. I know this one Okay, five sub awards Zanaphobia, what is xenophobia you didn't do in the form of what is in question? Oh? Yeah, that'd be a big problem. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That alone farts. This armless statue was discovered

Starting point is 01:05:09 in pieces on the mails of... Oh fuck. What is... What is that shit that's in Italy? That fucking shit. Michelangelo, no. What is David? No. Venus. Venus, do Venus de Milo.

Starting point is 01:05:20 Venus, Venus. I don't fucking know. Oh fuck me. Weights and measures, four pounds equals this. What's 12 times four? 48. I don't fucking know. Oh, fuck me. Weights and measures, four pounds equals this. What's 12 times four? 48. I don't know. What?

Starting point is 01:05:30 I don't know. I say 48. Four pounds equals how many ounces? I mean, 60. I don't know. Oh shit, not with that. This is the other one that's all. Edward Rochester catches the eye of this title heroine.

Starting point is 01:05:44 Come fuck on. I mean, on I mean who is the woman? Jane here, I don't fucking know. That's not you don't play the game like that Frankenstein. You don't say Mary Shelley Four letter words. That's our lane. It can mean 500 sheets of paper. Oh plural reams signifies a lot of stuff Ream what is a ream? Okay. Yeah, I know that. Oh, good job. Oh, physics.

Starting point is 01:06:09 Okay, it's what M stands for in the equation. Mass. F equals M A. I don't know, I think mass. Food and drink. The expensive golden spice is a key ingredient of paella. Oh, what is saffron? Saffron.

Starting point is 01:06:24 You have to say it in the form of a question. What is saffron? What is saffron in the form of a question, Josh? That tells us to not use it in the form of paella. Oh, what is saffron? Saffron. You have to say it in the form of a question. What is saffron? What is saffron? In the form of a question, George. That tells us to not use it in the form of a question. Okay, 19th century, she was crowned. She was crowned on June 20th. Oh, 19th century.

Starting point is 01:06:34 You should know this. Well, I know, hold on. It's before, is it Victoria? Sure, Victoria. Queen Victoria. Parts of speech. Oh, shit. By, of, and outside are examples of this part of speech.

Starting point is 01:06:46 All I know is a participle, dangling. I don't know. I have no idea. I have no idea. I say participle. Participle, adverb, adjective. I don't know. I'm stupid.

Starting point is 01:06:58 Sports leagues. Oh, that's yours, Tom. The Atlanta Dream and Los Angeles Sparks. WNBA. See, that's what I do when I change the channel. Her novel, The Bell Jump. Sylvia Plath. Actually new one.

Starting point is 01:07:12 How do you spell Plath? P-L-A-T-H. Okay. Pop stars. Maybe we know this one. In 2020, she released the album Folklore, followed up just five months later with Evermore. Taylor Swift?

Starting point is 01:07:24 Sure, Taylor Swift. Lana Del Rey? Let's go Taylor Swift. Shakespeare, don't know this either. Okay, I might know this. The prince has the most lines of any character in a single play by Shakespeare. This prince.

Starting point is 01:07:35 The prince, Hamlet? Prince Hamlet? I don't know, King Lear. Okay, science. It's the most plentiful element in Earth's atmosphere. Oxygen? No. Wouldn't it be carbon dioxide?

Starting point is 01:07:51 Carbon? Carbon? Carbon. Carbon. Yeah, carbon based. That's what they say carbon based things. That's what we are. Love Struck, Tamino makes use of this title instrument

Starting point is 01:08:00 in a Mozart opera. This title instrument. Moonstruck? Cello? Othello? Sure. Fuck a vinyl, this is stupid. How many fucking- I know, I'm over it.

Starting point is 01:08:13 Sounds from this musical include When Velma Takes the Stand and Cell Block Tango. All right, we failed. Look, is there any way to get through this? What is it, the thing? Songs from the musical. Cell Block Tango, the Grease? Would that be?

Starting point is 01:08:25 No. Just leave it like that. We were done. This is enough. Lakes. There's 30 questions. It's the western part. Only 10 left.

Starting point is 01:08:33 Most of North America's Great Lakes. Like Ontario? There you go. Like Michigan? Ontario. Oh, okay. Psychology. Short winter days can trigger this disorder.

Starting point is 01:08:43 Sad disorder. Yeah, abbreviated sad. That is- Seasonal trigger this disorder sad disorder. Yeah abbreviated sad that is seasonal affective disorder Yes, I actually know something. Yeah Change the channel. I know that because it's cat Much of Mexico is made up of a mountain system bearing this motherly name the Sierra Madre. Oh, yeah Right good. Good. I don't know good. I'm just guessing Authors were almost there guys leaving a small but beloved body of work. She died in Monroeville, Alabama Who the fuck knows this?

Starting point is 01:09:15 Leaving a small Maya Angelou. Was that a small volume? No, she was pretty big. Well, I know but she left a small I don't think she Well, I know but she left a small I don't think she US government this term refers to a member of the president's cabinet selected to not attend the State of the Union speech in case of Secretary of Defense. It was a term though. We're looking for a term Runner-up the oh shit guy Medical my hands in 1987 AZ AIDS. Yeah Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Maybe Montana? Yeah. Just leave it. Sure. World leaders were almost there. Serving from 69, she was Israel's first female prime minister. Oh.

Starting point is 01:10:07 Oh, Netanyahu? No, what's her fucking name? I know her name. Or something Goldie. Goldie? Goldie. Damn it. I.E.

Starting point is 01:10:17 It's a time crunch that makes me nervous. Poetry. In a poem by Maya Andrews. Oh shit. These two words proceed, sings with a fearful trill and sings of freedom your mother Your pussy little birdie bird bird something with a bird pussy bird Okay, my snatch oh

Starting point is 01:10:36 Fuck three G's. This is exhausted flock of geese gays Gays gays. I don't know flock ofese? Isn't it a flock of geese? A gaggle. A gaggle! Yeah. Classic films. In this classic, Rick still has feelings for Isla even though she's married to Victor's Laszlo.

Starting point is 01:10:54 Laszlo. I don't know. I don't know. I don't watch classic films. Just a streetcar named Desire. Put that. I'm an idiot. I watch 80s movies.

Starting point is 01:11:02 No, no. Gone with the Wind. Gone with the Wind. Fuck. I've never even seen that. Do you know I've never seen either of those films? All right, okay Who is Thomas? It was sort of been James Monroe. Okay, we got that wrong I said Marilyn Monroe. You said Kane or somebody said Kane. I did Whoa. Yeah, it was Kane. You were right. Those are the only famous brothers. Okay. Hey one for CP. Okay, nice job I thought it was Kane and Abel. What the fuck? Yeah vodka. I got it. That's two for CP. Okay nice job. I thought it was Cain and Abel what the fuck? Yeah Vodka. I got it That's two for CP xenophobia got that one

Starting point is 01:11:30 We wrote Woodus Vainas. It is Woodus Vainas the Milo. Venus we did it. Shit. It's 64. I said 60 Jane Eyre Jane Eyre Yeah I got Jane Eyre that's the only thing I know Reem is correct. Mass is correct. I got that. Saffron. Saffron correct Jane here. Yeah Mass is correct. I'm from saffron. Correct. Good Victoria Yes, what is a preposition? Yes Get the preposition. Yes. No, no, no, no

Starting point is 01:12:05 VMA is correct. Sylvia Plath is correct. Taylor Swift is correct. Hamlet's correct. What? Nitrogen is the element. The magic flute. And guess what? That's Cox. I was going to say flute.

Starting point is 01:12:15 And I was like, that's his joke. And then you said cello. And it was, all right, Chicago, not Greece. Fine. Hey, we did good, Mom. Superior. Seasonal affective disorder, correct. Sierra Madras, correct. Good job, Gene. Hey, we did good, Mom. Makes superior. Seasonal affective disorder, correct. Serumadris, correct.

Starting point is 01:12:26 Yeah, good job, Gene. Harper Lee. Forgot that one, I remember. To kill a mockingbird, isn't it? Oh, designated survivor is the term. Definitely got AIDS, correct. Idaho is the planet. Idaho. I said Goldie, it's golden mare, yeah.

Starting point is 01:12:41 I said pussy bird and it's cage bird. Ha ha ha ha ha. Gaggle correct you did that Casablanca We did pretty good Dude between our two brains we know Stupid things yeah, like I know stupid shit, you know stupid shit We could probably do this if two people could be one contestant on Jeopardy Yeah, we have a fighting chance. If we were conjoined. I know then they would have to allow it

Starting point is 01:13:11 Well, they ever had conjoined twins on Jeopardy. Probably. I'm guessing yes. That would be the best episode ever. That was really exciting. We didn't do half bad. No, not bad. Not too bad. I'm pretty stoked, dude. Thank you. Wow. And guess what? Wow. I will never take that test again. No, that was so stressful. My hands were still sweating.

Starting point is 01:13:32 I know, I know. Like, I'm, feel it. They're so clammy. It's not just my viral illness. I'm so nervous. It's that time constraint, and then you have to like, remember when they write it down?

Starting point is 01:13:43 Yeah. That would make me absolutely Baddy. Yeah, it's a lot and he oh the cameras on you and you have here's the thing the other pressure scary This is solo. You got two smarties right around you. Oh, I know by the way speaking of game shows I can't believe I haven't mentioned this yet, but I am on this season of is it cake? on Netflix Yeah, Mikey day is a huge YMH fan and I've invited him to come on the show Even though he's filming SNL right now. Yeah, sure. I also reached out to him. I had so much fun doing that show Our children watch it. We watch it as a family and it was such an honor to do is it cake?

Starting point is 01:14:21 It was so much fun. I can't wait for you guys to see me on that episode. That's so cool I had such a good time speaking of dinner and eating and cake yeah salt and pepper etiquette here we have a more modern salt and pepper service we have the pepper in a grinder that can be ground wherever you wish the salt you notice only has one hole Now when it's only got one hole, that means you pour the salt in a small meat pile on the edge of the plate and then with whatever you wish to season, using the tip of your knife, you add granules of salt onto whatever you want. No, that can't be right.

Starting point is 01:14:58 So this is an etiquette guy video, you know, he makes these videos and I thought it'd be fun to check out what kind of comments he gets. What's the proper etiquette to giving a foot job under the table? 49,000 likes. I like it. Yeah. What's the etiquette to finger a goth mommy and drinking up her little ladies juice? That's what this guy who's making nice etiquette videos gets. What's the etiquette if your one salty hole touches the meat? You know this guy too, he's just really trying to educate with how to do this.

Starting point is 01:15:36 What's the etiquette for complimenting your urinal neighbor on his piece? And I like that the profile photo is this guy with his woman Yeah nice guy Incorrect the proper etiquette is to use grinder to find a hole Pretty cool If you're wondering this is Instagram William Hansen etiquette

Starting point is 01:16:02 He is an etiquette coach who is the director of the English manner Which has been the UK's most established in the etiquette training Institute and he's getting foot job and like cumshot comments On his on his videos, which is really funny They're all like that I tell you that this one in one in particular tickles me because he's a grown adult. He can handle it. He can handle it, I know. I like that he's not. He's not like that poor girl.

Starting point is 01:16:29 I know. The girl who's like, you know, hey, like I got one thing in this hand, which one am I gonna do? It's just like the most banal dad joke stuff. And then everyone's like, I bet it's real grippy in there. You're like, holy shit. You know, she's not ready for any of that.

Starting point is 01:16:46 Even our beloved coffee making friend. I don't like that she gets this hate. Kailin came to the party, she came to the party. I love Kailin. She's great. She doesn't deserve it. This is phenomenal. Yeah, go after the pompous British guy.

Starting point is 01:16:58 There you go, punch up. Not down, kids. There you go, yeah, sure. What? I mean, who cares? I know, I'm just something people say that's How many would we have got have to get right to qualify I wonder oh yeah wonder Incorrect the proper etiquette is to finish grinder test anytime test are the primary entry points anyone who wants to compete on jeopardy Each one allows to qualify for audition via a

Starting point is 01:17:27 50 question test taken online So you have to do 20 more questions than that and I assume do pretty well, right? Yeah, and the good thing is they don't give me time to research them like to Google it because it's so fast. Yeah All right. I'm done. I don't want to on Jeopardy. That was so stressful. I know. That was horrible. Very impressive though. Yeah, thanks Smart Chad. You're welcome.

Starting point is 01:17:51 I'm pumped dude, Janeer. Did you get those all right Smart Chad on your own? I knew quite a few of them, but I think you guys kind of did as well as I would have done. Wow. Nice. And that's coming from Smart Chad everybody. Two of us make one Smart Chad.

Starting point is 01:18:03 That's right, two brains. Two dummies make one smart chat. That's right, two brains. Two dummies make one smart chat. Can I piss real quick? You wanna piss? Okay. I have to piss. Go piss. How was your pee? It was great.

Starting point is 01:18:15 You wanna know how mine was? Yeah. It was amazing! Amazing! It was a great pee. Amazing. That was so good. I'm glad we take pee breaks.

Starting point is 01:18:27 It makes me feel like I can focus. You realize you can if you want to. Do what you want. We're not on live television right now. No, we're not on Jeopardy. What if it was a shit on Jeopardy? That'd be crazy. And like you hit the buzzer and you're like,

Starting point is 01:18:42 I gotta take a shit. And he's like, no, that's not, you're like, no, no, I really, I have to now. What is I have to take a shit. Yeah, what is I got a shit bad? Yeah, but I imagine you do because you're so stressed out. It's stressful stressful And if you have some that's the thing is I was saying it's not just like oh, this is the internet on the clock Oh, let's figure it out. You have two smarty pants How bum would you be if you know one and you just didn't you're not fast enough, right? That's the biggest like I got one and then you like this fucking guy next to you gets it

Starting point is 01:19:10 That'd be the real bummer especially if like the academic who's getting The artists and the poets and the geography if he beats you on the pop star one, you know Or you know the it is all about the click in first And then you say it what what is that? Yeah, I would just you know what I would. Because it is all about the click in first, doot doot doot, and then you say it. What is, da da da. Yeah. Fuck. I would just, you know what I would do,

Starting point is 01:19:28 I'd be so nervous, I'd just click it, and then I'd be like, I can't think of anything else. Yeah, fuck, I'm sorry, bro. Yeah. Blank again, but I won this part. I keep winning this part. What is I Have Diarrhea? I'd be so nervous.

Starting point is 01:19:43 I'd be so, because I realized when I was on Is It Cake, that is, even that's like a silly fun show. The, when the timer is on and you have to make a choice, it's really scary. You're just nervous and you're like. Yeah. You're like. Mark, Mark Wahlberg.

Starting point is 01:20:01 You know? It's that kind of pressure. It's the pressure. Toe, toe, lay. Toe, toe, lay. You know, it's that kind of pressure. It's the pressure. Totally. Totally. Yes. Here I go.

Starting point is 01:20:16 The most beautiful sound in the world. That's really great. There you go. Tick tock. Jesus Christ. How is he that chill? The Ruskies are keep doing this. I thought it was all Arabs at first. You would fuck with one eating? The confidence of these owners is astonishing.

Starting point is 01:20:28 I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom.

Starting point is 01:20:36 I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom.

Starting point is 01:20:44 I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. The confidence of these owners is astonishing. It's like that's me and my woman. Yeah. Now he's protecting the woman. Every signal you know already internally what that means. Everybody knows. That's every signal you know already internally what that means everybody knows This guy Face no no no no don't do that. Don't do that

Starting point is 01:21:17 Is that a lynx is that what that is It's a what a crackle What can you do the search result for a crackle? With all those ears. It's a what? A caracal. What? Can you do the search result for it? What is a caracal? Yo, this is like... I mean, it's beautiful, I understand why. It's stunning.

Starting point is 01:21:35 It's called a caracal. Dude, I haven't even heard of this. Scroll down. Like, look at those things. That's so exotic, I've never even heard of this. Yeah. Notice that all the photos are in the wild. That is like the fucking... That's so exotic. I've never really heard of it. Yeah, notice it all the photos are in the wild That is like the fucking African yeah, like it's a plane. Where is that? I don't know but like

Starting point is 01:22:01 Let's do a search on. Yeah, where does this thing exist normally? This thing is no not your house This should be out in nature, bro. Yeah, Africa. Africa. Yeah, don't fuck with it. And the Arabian Peninsula throughout Northwest India. They live in the savannas, yeah. Yeah, so they survive in extremely inclement. As a small wild cat. As wild animals, they are territorial,

Starting point is 01:22:20 messy, and can be aggressive. Wildlife experts strongly warn against keeping caracals as pets, even if it is legal to do so in your state. Can we just do like a search on just a caracal? Caracal for sale in Austin. And some of its features, yeah, just like the wiki. Should we get one for the office?

Starting point is 01:22:37 Here we go, hit that. Look at that fucking thing. It is characterized by robust build, long legs, short face, reaches 16 to 20 inches at the shoulder and weighs 18 to 42 pounds. Typically nocturnal, it is highly secretive and difficult to observe. It is territorial, lives mainly alone or in perils.

Starting point is 01:23:01 It is a carnivore, preys upon birds, roaches, other small mammals. It can leap higher than 10 feet and catch birds in perils. It is a carnivore, preys upon birds, roes, other small mammals. It can leap higher than 10 feet and catch birds in midair. It stalks its prey until it's within five feet in which it runs down and kills it with a bite to the throat or the back of the neck. This is also possible with a human being. Both sexes become sexually mature

Starting point is 01:23:18 by the time they are one year old. They breed throughout the year. Let's see. Juveniles leave their mothers at the age of nine to 10 months. Let's scroll down a little bit here. I mean, that's fierce looking. It is a fierce looking animal.

Starting point is 01:23:33 The Crackle is also known as the Desert Lynx or the Persian Lynx. Good job, Tom. You would have gotten that right on Jeopardy. I think I would have gotten credit. I would have been like Lynx and they'd be like, no Crackle, I'd be like, look it up. Fucking look it up.

Starting point is 01:23:48 Yeah, these things, I mean, everything about it says, don't have this at the house. Yeah, this is not good for the house. Like, what the fuck are you thinking? Oh yeah, you see the little fucking kitten of it and you're like, that's cute. The ears are high, signifying it can hear very well. Here's another little tidbit of information and I'm not an animal expert.

Starting point is 01:24:07 Any animal that can leap 10 feet in the air will fuck up your whole life. 10 feet it can leap in the air. Oh dude, you can buy one for like $4,000. What's its vertical? 120 inches. You can get one in South Carolina right now. That's fucking insane.

Starting point is 01:24:24 How is that even, how is this legal? You can sell one. And then when this fucks something up, it's on you, you know? For sure, dude. That's so not expensive to have a wild cat in your house. Five grand and you get to own a fucking wild cat? Have it rip your face off in your sleep.

Starting point is 01:24:43 Eight grand. That whole like, and you're like, and he's fucking with it while it's eating just to see how much he can press it. Get out of here. All right. Here we go.

Starting point is 01:24:54 That's pretty amazing. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Starting point is 01:25:02 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! That was for you. Ah! Ah! That was for you. Ah! Ah! That was for you. That was for me. Hit her.

Starting point is 01:25:13 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Starting point is 01:25:21 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh Oh My butt hole just Right now he's like don't fucking resist This is assault The hammer thing is 100% There's zero. I have there's zero evidence, but that's an effective tool for recovery in any way. When they just go like, ha!

Starting point is 01:26:26 The person's like, ah! You just got hammered in the back. That's all that happened. Yeah, but you haven't gone to school for it. Yeah, I haven't gone to school for it. Yeah, yeah, no, you're right. No, this is a no way, shape or form. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:26:38 A positive thing. No, you can't do that. Yeah, cause that hunch exists. He's trying to put it back straight. You can't hammer that. That's like trying to put it back straight. You can't hammer that That's not how that works for sure for sure This was this is Ruski, right? I'm sure I don't know

Starting point is 01:26:54 Yeah, I mean, you're not Mexican either, but he's like one of those kind of country in those kind of countries. Yeah. But I've seen this so many times, the hammer thing, and it always results in somebody howling in pain. Yeah, it's not. They just take the thing and they go, and this one was like, ah, ah, ah. And they're like, OK, relax.

Starting point is 01:27:19 Because it's a cartoon method. It's what Tom and Jerry did. Yeah. It's not real. You're not supposed to do that. Yeah, it's a silliness That's what it's gonna make you do that's good. It's just like the Vile describe what they're seeing though? Yeah, this is like a bean stew with red bell peppers,

Starting point is 01:27:48 onions, green peppers. So you know the farts are coming. It's just gonna make you fart and shit. So they put the fart noise there for you. It's very clever. It's very clever. Do they vary the farts based on what the food is? Yeah, that's it.

Starting point is 01:27:59 This is like, that's the fart you're gonna have. That's what they're doing that's very clever. That's the kind of fart you get. So sometimes it gives you like a fart and you're like. That's what they're doing that's very clever. That's the kind of fart you get. So sometimes it gives you like a, and you're like, that's what this will do. Yeah, your smells dictate. This would give me just loose stools with a lot of farts, yeah.

Starting point is 01:28:14 Yeah. That's really nice. I'm so tired of white cis women being more dedicated to being called a healer than actually doing the work to be a healer. The only thing that you're worried about healing is your bruised ego and being confronted with your complacency in genocide, your side obsession with upholding privilege. We do not need more nice white women. Are you kidding me?

Starting point is 01:28:35 And stop asking marginalized people to do the work for you because you don't feel comfortable with it. I am so tired. I'm having conversations with white cis women The fact that they're being called in or called out and the fact they're harming marginalized people Yeah The fact that there is a little genocide that they are paying for with the fucking Advertisers they're putting all over Instagram and these are the same women that are the first to minimize the impact of social media And also the first to use social media as their business opportunity to use their voice to create their community I'm so confused your mode of healing and community and business

Starting point is 01:29:09 Why the fuck is liberation not being centered y'all are stealing resources and precious energy and precious time from marginalized people because you okay, baby So wait just so you know, this person is also differently abled and trans. Yeah. Maybe they are plural? Are they a plural pronoun person? They're a member of all five marginalized communities.

Starting point is 01:29:34 Which, by the way, is also a fucking result of colonialism and capitalism, and I'm fucking sick of it. Well, I'm so sick of everything contributing to your genocide, too. You don't even know of everything, it's contributing to your genocide too. You don't even know that. And you just trying to be some nice white lady, you fucking asshole.

Starting point is 01:29:50 And all I'm doing is upholding white male privilege, it's disgusting. That's sick. What a beta! Yeah, yeah. It's disgusting. What the fuck does this person even, what do they do? I don't know.

Starting point is 01:30:00 What are you doing? I've been following this person. And every video they're super upset about something to be upset for about, it's cool. I mean, look, someone's gotta be upset and that's their job. I'm just being upset. Oh, I think they have a great look.

Starting point is 01:30:16 I like the door knocker. I'm always a fan of door knocker. I like the tats. Yeah, the hair is coming on the face. You keep the injections up. It'll fill in one day. Yeah, there you go looks good Give us no less no mama. Yeah. Yeah, baby. Can I buy some beef mama? Huh

Starting point is 01:30:47 I'm thinking about bitches. I got no worms. I don't know what's happening. So this is the type of guy you get. That's a whole other thing. That could be someone's boyfriend. Isn't that crazy? You could end up with a guy like that. Isn't that cool? I hope so.

Starting point is 01:31:06 That's like your second guy? He's so interesting. When you drop dead and I'm like, I don't wanna get married, I just wanna have fun. I wanna have fun and then he's like, bop bop bop bop bop. That's what's left of the David Bowie. You go over there and laugh.

Starting point is 01:31:16 Oh yeah, it'll be pretty sparse out there, I think. Not a lot to pick from. This is who's left over. Holy shit, is that how you say that word? What? Sparse? I don't know, is that wrong? I've been saying sparse. Sparse. I think sparse.

Starting point is 01:31:29 I said sparse. Oh, okay. But I also don't use it a lot, so I probably mispronounced it. Yeah, but you qualified for fucking Jeopardy today. That's true. Sparse, I should've said sparse. Why, I don't know if I was wrong, so I'm glad.

Starting point is 01:31:42 Sorry. Mwah. That's the kind of guy you're getting. Well, I think about it a lot after our children leave the nest and you drop dead. What am I gonna do? I'll be in my 60s, like you said. What will you do?

Starting point is 01:31:54 Dude, I'm literally like planning. I guess what I'll do is like charity work. I'll volunteer a lot, practice drumming. Yeah, garden. Garden. Dogs. A lot of dogs. I'm gonna get at least 10 to 15 dogs. You could do like a dog rescue place.

Starting point is 01:32:11 I would love to be a dog rescue mom. Yeah, I'd like foster fucked up dogs and let them shit all over our house and stuff. Yeah. I would take care of animals. That's cool, I'm glad I'm dead. Yeah, fuck yeah. Well basically I'm gonna do all the stuff

Starting point is 01:32:23 you wouldn't let me do in life. Let you? Well, you know what I might do is remodel the house to look like a castle Oh my fucking god. I'm so glad I did Castle. Yeah, I know be pretty cool or a vampire den. Yep checking out early or goth lair I think I should do the whole house. Yeah, see... Here's the thing, man. I'm not trying to give her a hard time. Yeah. But like that's, she shouldn't be on that ride. Nobody should.

Starting point is 01:33:08 And I was like, wait a minute, why are they on that ride? And then I see this guy speaking. I'm like, oh, that's why she's on that ride. Because there's other parts of the world where they're like, fucking, it's not a problem. This is hilarious. Let's watch this happen. Here they'd be like, you can't ride this ride.

Starting point is 01:33:22 It's like, we're scared of the lawsuit. And then there they're like, no lawsuit, nothing. In Slovenia there's no such thing as a lawsuit. You fall, you die. This is your problem, not my problem. She's a big girl. Yeah, this is my tribe. She's a victim of capitalism and, you know.

Starting point is 01:33:43 Upholding her privilege. Yeah. Yeah, put her on the outside definitely that centrifugal force is gonna put her there. I wouldn't sit like that either. I would sit and look. There's no way dude. Look at them clowning her dude. They're straight clowning her. Savage. Cuz that she could like with the force generated from the momentum yeah she Look at that fear grip. That is a grip of fear on that thing. And it should be down further. It's too loose already. Yeah, the rail needs to be much further down. Yeah. Her tits are gonna stay up. That's it. You realize the meth has just... look how close her head is to that fucking thing. Jesus, dude.

Starting point is 01:34:51 Oh my god. It is fun to watch people that shouldn't ride rides ride them. For sure. Oh yeah. Her insides are gonna be bruised too. Yeah. Yeah. Her faceides are gonna be bruised too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Her face is so close. To that fucking metal thing?

Starting point is 01:35:12 To like some of the metal, yeah. Oh, I know. It's just a couple like, you know, refugees that assembled this thing. They had a couple gypsies prop it up. For sure, dude. What do you think it is in the US here? Same thing. Couple of scumbags assembling this stuff.

Starting point is 01:35:28 No way. We didn't really follow the directions. No way. No, this is so dangerous already. Yeah. And then she's, you know. Yeah. But I can watch fat people on roller coasters all day long.

Starting point is 01:35:39 That's a good, that's a good. It's a whole new language. Why don't you start a new channel? You just gather videos and post that. Fet people on roller coasters? It's fantastic. Yeah, cause there's no limits in this part of the world. No limits, baby.

Starting point is 01:35:50 No limits, soldiers, all of us. Looking for trainer codes for Pokemon Go. So if anybody plays Pokemon Go. Yeah. Guys? Does anyone wanna help them? Send them your trainer codes. Send them the trainer codes.

Starting point is 01:36:04 I'll invite you. Thank you. That is a really cool video. I like that it cuts off there. Why would an adult man need trainer codes for Pokemon Go? Why do you think? What do you think's going on? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:36:17 This is why our kids are allowed on the internet. Yeah, you can't chat with this fucking guy with gamerman73. 1973. Get the fuck out of here. He's only three years older than me, he looks great. Yeah, then our son is like, Gamer Man and I have decided do a couple trades. He's coming to Austin, can he come over?

Starting point is 01:36:35 Fuck no. Of course. Yeah, yesterday he's like, can I open, can I have chat? I'm like, absolutely not. No. No. If women to be fat in the future. I'm afraid, yes. But not. No. No. Is it okay for women to be fat in the future? I'm afraid, yes. But not okay now?

Starting point is 01:36:47 No. I feel that you have a responsibility to make the fashion different for slightly healthier models. I'm sorry to say that it's a subject that I consider on the bar of the ridiculous for several reasons. The story with the anorexic girls, nobody works with anorexics. That has nothing to do with fashion people who have that. They have problems with family and things like this. There are less than 1% of anorexic girls, but they're all in France, I don't know, in England. Over 30% of girls with big, big overweight.

Starting point is 01:37:19 And it is much more dangerous and very bad for the health. So I think today, with the junk food in front of TV and things like this, it's something dangerous for the health of the girls. The models are skinny, but they're not that skinny. But they're borderline unhealthy when you look at the model in H&M campaign. All the new girls are not that skinny.

Starting point is 01:37:41 You know, there's a new evolution. One of the most working girls today is Saskia. She's over 30 and she's a new model. There are a lot of girls who are not only 15. I don't think that this kind of dialogue is something that will work in fashion. Look, if Twiggy would come today, everybody's too skinny, too this, too this. Twiggy was a girl. Everybody wanted to look like Twiggy. Every girl wanted to. So is this Lagerfeld? Yeah, Karl Lagerfeld, yeah.

Starting point is 01:38:08 So he's saying that the fashion industry doesn't create anorexia. Don't give me your big girl endorsement please. This is not for fashion. Did you see how he almost threw up in his mouth when he's like, she's a 30. She's a popular 30 year old girl. She's probably a size of a 30. Bleh. She's a popular 30 year old girl. Bleh. She's probably a size of four, six, obese. Over a hundred pounds, I don't know, it's disgusting. But you know, this is the world today.

Starting point is 01:38:33 He's mortified. He's mortified that everybody's not doing it. Some of these girls are 105, 110, you know, they're big. It's different. Imagine what he thinks obese is. Oh. 125, 130. Oh me?. Imagine what he thinks obese is. Oh. It's 125, 130. Oh me?

Starting point is 01:38:47 I'm a whale to this guy. He was throwing me in the river. In this case, we just put the dress on a man, you know? It's the same. ["Dreams of a New World"] That's gonna be fucking, of modern drummer magazine is gonna be fucking devoted to that drum fill. It's amazing that you could play that drum fill in nine beats. Just because it's a little confusing for the fucking bass playing element.

Starting point is 01:39:19 Okay, it's going so well too. Is that amazing? Yeah, but I think it's I think he's also they're having fun. Yeah, I think they're actually having fun I think they're they're doing this on purpose. They're laughing. They're having a good time That's fucking drum fill. Is that too much for you? Huh? I think they're having fun Real ones actually feel different like real real freakouts feel different than that Like the one that Elton John has had some that you're like, that's fucking real.

Starting point is 01:39:47 Right, cause Sting is laughing there. Yeah, they're having fun. And I think because they know each other, then they start to do like, is this too much for you? Well listen, as a professional drummer. Yeah, you're a fucking drum expert now. I have to say that it is a lot, that drum fill that he did. It would throw off the rest of the instruments,

Starting point is 01:40:04 from what I understand. Cause he's making it about him a little too much and then the other people can't. It's too much, you're supposed to assist the other folks, right? I don't know. Pretty cool. I like it.

Starting point is 01:40:16 I do like these things especially when they're real freak outs. Greta Scotty, what have you bought in Primark? Now why don't you mind your own fucking business you nosy bastards I brought next some fucking brass Now I'm up to here And you know what I always say

Starting point is 01:40:32 Taras are fucking you, him It's the gay Scottish guy again And we don't know what the fuck he's talking about But I like him, I like his energy What? I wish I knew what he was talking about is there any females are single don't have any boyfriend or anything in Mobile, Alabama I'm single never been married never had kids. Oh, I can't have kids but Y'all single women in Mobile

Starting point is 01:41:02 Needs a date Is that far? Mobile Needs a date Because you put out farts during your I'm single thing it's Because he's doing he's dealing with the angle well the Footage The message and then is there a fart sound going I think there is I feel like it's a sound of like a drone or something Is there any females that are single don't have any boyfriend or anything in Mobile, Alabama? I'm single no, I know it is no I know what it is. What is it? You know, it's just people they they look on the beach Metal detector and it is maybe it's a metal detector.

Starting point is 01:41:45 And it's, maybe it's metal detecting. It's button. See y'all single women in mobile. Needs a date. I'm your man. He's farting. He is farting during his TikTok as plea for a woman. I always think it's such an interesting thing to be like,

Starting point is 01:42:06 I'll use this to see if someone wants a date. Well, it's Mobile, Alabama. I mean, Mobile is not as- No, he's a catch for Mobile, Alabama. Don't you think? No. I've only been to Birmingham. I think you're having some people

Starting point is 01:42:23 yelling at their phones right now. Not impressed. Okay. I Don't know Here's the thing can we give them a plug at least maybe if you are in mobile and you're sad and you like farts you're considering going on a date with the Was it just say the the wheel the wheel Scott?

Starting point is 01:42:45 So as opposed to the real, right? Okay, yeah, so I guess Scott Rogers is probably his name we've been referring to. Cause he's doing like a retard version. No, that was Tanner. That was Tanner. Oh, Tanner. Yeah, that's my boy Tanner, man. What's his real handle?

Starting point is 01:43:05 The Wheel Scott Wajos, but like it's supposed to mimic his speech impediment. Yeah, so that's how that's how the handles written Yeah with W the wheel Scott Wajos That's what he's putting out there Go with the with the wheel Scott Wajos, but he's aware. He's self-aware. Okay. Alright. He knows what he sounds like. I admire that. I'll say this. I really do hope you get a date. I hope there's somebody in Mobile that's like, I want to meet the wheel one. You know? Maybe this one's the wheel one. Okay? Just being there with you. Oh, fuck. Just being around you. Oh, god. Just sitting there with you. Just sitting. Even Just being around you. Oh, God. Just sitting there with you.

Starting point is 01:43:47 Even if we're not saying anything at all. Yeah. Brightens my day. And makes me... You're that wheeze? So much more happier than any other time. Oh, fuck. During the day.

Starting point is 01:43:58 I hate this. That wheeze is no good. You are. The person that... Saves me when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun. Oh, fuck. When I'm not sure what to do, how to feel. You are the compass that sets me right. Thankful for you always. Dude, clear clear your throat dude. Okay, that was terrible

Starting point is 01:44:28 Another thing this is not a fucking public post, dude This is to one girl you send this to one person. How do you not know this? Do you think he saw her name and hit it and was like, oh, this will just be for her I don't know. Also, this feels like something that somebody maybe didn't wanna receive. You know what I mean? He fucked up and then he's like, look, you're the fucking one.

Starting point is 01:44:54 I just, being around you, I'm sorry about everything. That's what it feels like to me. This isn't just like, good morning, just so you know you make me feel like nobody else This is because he's also talking in this way. He's like I just I know it's a sincere plea. Yeah, it's a plea Yeah, he's like this is what you do for me. You're so important to me Maybe shot out of a gun. Yeah, that makes that fuck. It's terrifying. Yeah, maybe she he does You have more shit like this. She doesn't feel validated

Starting point is 01:45:24 He's validating her. I probably didn't make you feel the way I should have but even when we just sit there in silence Which is one of my favorite things I know that's what nobody else makes me feel this way I wish you'd make me a nice video like this. Yeah, you want something like this? Yeah, how come you don't do this? Oh god I just wanna Like a pug Like this yeah, how come you don't do this? Oh god? What I see you in the morning is pulmonary edema You guys being with you yeah, this is completely fucking my favorite part of the day Consistency is what I like to see. Oh, wonky eyes. Consistency. Birdland.

Starting point is 01:46:08 It's kind of crazy, because it looks like it's almost like a real channel, but then the shorts, you go over to this tab, is where it gets real crazy. Oh, so this is the guy who manages, that's what's going on here, right? Yeah. He's putting out sports content on like the main feed,

Starting point is 01:46:21 and then his shorts are this shit. What is he saying? Is he doing more weird shit Yeah, let's look at it Falling in love. Oh my god. It's like handing somebody a loaded gun Gone again at your heart shit and trusting them not to pull the trigger. Yeah, that's true Yeah, that is true. He's not wrong So I feel with you every day. I'm just trusting you.

Starting point is 01:46:49 Oh boy. Who is this for? You put the music to this? She's gone though. This is gone. This is this past. I'll always be thankful He's really in it right now Daily reminder You can eat right you can go to the gym. You can do everything imaginable To keep your body right mm-hmm

Starting point is 01:47:21 But if you're not doing the things to keep your heart and your mind right Yeah, I think I love them the body's gonna fall apart anyway It's another true post Your emotional and Mental health yeah, I think so. It's a good point and everything else will fall into place not groundbreaking, but it's very true Go ahead. He's what else is there And everything else will fall into place. Not groundbreaking, but it's very true. Go ahead. What else is there?

Starting point is 01:47:46 What's next? I like, oh. The truth is, you have to delete the pictures. Delete the number. He lost her. He lost her. So you can learn the lesson. Yeah, that was the plea.

Starting point is 01:47:57 And then you're right. It was a plea, Tom. The truth is. He's a, okay, you can stop. He's in love and it ended. And now he's just like, he's a he's okay. You can stop he's in love and it ended and now he's just like He's letting it pour out and a great thing to do is to put that online for everybody to consume Worcester is a game show like this for tick-tock detectives where you and I piece together people's mental state and all I want to Do honestly is reach out and be like I understand

Starting point is 01:48:23 You should take all this you should delete all of this all of it, bro. Yeah, don't leave any of them Don't put this out there. No, but this maybe she sees it Send it to her then send it to her you can send her a series of videos. You know her Yeah Send her videos Maybe she doesn't open them. Maybe she does But now you have it on your fucking mom's house like She's gonna see it now. Yeah, she believes me now. Yeah

Starting point is 01:48:55 So embarrassing come as much as I used to Sure do now. All right, we should wrap it up We got lunch here We got a lot of things. We have big activities coming up over this next week. Whole family. We're traveling. Yes. We're doing things.

Starting point is 01:49:15 We're doing things. We're having fun. We hope you have a, if you're in spring break time, I hope you have a good one. Stay safe. Send, you know what? Put out a video to your ex, how much you miss her and love her Now you wish she were back in your life and take care of your mental and emotional health while you're at it

Starting point is 01:49:33 All right. Thanks for watching Big bock cocks Wave is hard to baby Big bock cocks Big bock fucking cocks Big bock cocks Come fuck me motherfucker Ride my ass like a horse Yeah, yeah If you wanna fuck me, I wanna fuck you We're gonna fuck you up

Starting point is 01:50:00 Ride my ass like a horse Yeah, yeah Last fuck Oh you you like this, huh? Yeah, you like the fuck come my face, man Cock sucker cowboy motherfucker Like that with my fucking homeboy Motherfuckers hot, man Yeah, go Tingo, man

Starting point is 01:50:16 Use this fucking home, man Ha, ha, yeah Where the fuck? Let's fuck, baby Officer come dump you, man Spray paint my fucking body, man Fucking fuck? This fuck, baby. Officer come dump here, man. Straight peck my fucking body, man. Fucking fuck it up, man. Give me a cunt, boy. This man, ooh, this man, ooh. This fucking goddamn dick, man.

Starting point is 01:50:28 Yeah. Hello? Hey. What's up? Yo, Josh. Who's this? We're at Pop Champagne. You're at Pop Champagne?

Starting point is 01:50:36 Yeah. Call me Mr. Noodle, Mr. Noodle, man. Oh, yeah. What? Oh. I got to tear those tits off, man. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Starting point is 01:50:44 I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the Mr. Little Mice and Noodle Man. Oh yeah. What? Oh. I got to tear those tits off, man. Yeah, burning my tits. What about your tits? Smoking, stroking, man.

Starting point is 01:50:55 I'm gonna burn my tits, man. I'm a real man. I can take it. That's good. Whatever brings you joy, you know? Shut the fuck up, man. I come to fuck that fucking hole, man. I want your piss on me. I want your piss. I to fuck that fucking old man. I want to piss on me

Starting point is 01:51:05 What a piece we're puking on me. You want to sit you want to shit shit in my chest and check me with your shit What motherfucker licking your nuts licking your sacks? How big is it? I'm gonna come. Yeah, go team, go. Okay, bye. I'll come, I'll come. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,

Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Will Tom & Christina Be On Jeopardy?! | Your Mom's House Ep. 752

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.