Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799

Episode Date: February 26, 2025

YMH Live is back and better than ever! We're going all out for our tenth live show, tickets go on sale tomorrow (2/26) at 7am CT on ymhstudios.com. Touch our camera through the fence, chomos! SPONSORS: Go to https://shopify.com/momshouse to upgrade your selling today. Protect your online privacy TODAY by visiting https://ExpressVPN.com/ymh. Visit https://RedwoodOutdoors.com and use code YMH to save $175. Get 15% off at https://truewerk.com/ymh. Pull those jeans up over your head! It’s another episode of YMH with Tom Segura and Christina P! This week the Main Mommies announce the triumphant return of YMH LIVE, a show that'll feature guests stars, original shorts, and a massive giveaway to one lucky fan. Before all that, Tom shares his thoughts on some documentaries about historical goofballs Hitler and Saddam Hussein. These guys always manage to stay relevant despite having been dead for so long. Tom then open the show with a clip of a cool white dude saying a word he probably shouldn't be saying with incredible confidence. Tom also brings up a P Diddy doc and the twosome also watch some 'Appy Burfday drive-thru videos. Momma and Poppa Jeans are next joined by actor/comedian Matt Fulchiron, who's no stranger to hearing people say his name wrong or even saying somebody else's name wrong for that matter. The trio also discuss some personal comedy show fails, OnlyFans, dumb prank videos, and Christina's fascination with an old TLC show called "My Husbands Not Gay". They also check out some horrible or hilarious clips and talk about fat people in ride shares. Your Mom’s House Ep. 799 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. Open to legal residents of the 50 U.S./D.C., age 18+ (19+ in AL and NE, 21+ in MS). Void outside 50 U.S./D.C. and where prohibited. Sweepstakes starts 2/26/25 and ends 7:30pm CT on 3/7/25. Two ways to enter: (1) visit livestream.ymhstudios.com, purchase a ticket to attend Tenth YMH Live Show airing 3/7/25, follow link on confirmation screen, and complete and submit a survey with all required information, or (2) enter for free by visiting YMHStudios.com/YMHLiveX and complete and submit a survey with all required information. By entering you agree to receive periodic marketing emails from Sponsor and may unsubscribe at any time. ARV of one prize: $10,000. For full Official Rules: YMHStudios.com/YMHLiveX. Sponsor: John John Productions LLC, 2049 Century Park East, Suite 1400, Los Angeles, CA 90067. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:04:03 - Some Goofballs & Knuckleheads 00:15:41 - Opening Clip: Big Word, What? 00:21:16 - YMH LIVE X 00:24:57 - More 'Appy Burfdays 00:30:51 - Puff Daddy Doc 00:37:14 - Clip: Whistler Feeling Alright 00:39:21 - Comedy Show Fails 00:49:12 - Tour Dates & OnlyFans 00:53:09 - Clip: Dad Pranks 00:56:09 - Clip: Crow Wife Scares Her Husband 00:58:22 - Clip: Morning Rub 01:00:03 - My Husbands Not Gay 01:06:05 - Clip: Pissfluencers 01:06:50 - Back To The Gay Husband Show 01:10:52 - Too Fat For Waymo 01:15:19 - Hit And Run 01:21:34 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:29:23 - Clip: Fat Person Grocery Haul 01:30:40 - Clip: Down For Some Me Time 01:31:24 - Clip: Fart Hard 01:32:21 - Closing Song -"I Know I'm White" by Bruce Kristner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I've been looking forward to this for a long time. Not everybody could do this. We're thankful for you for being a viewer, a supporter of this show. It's been a long transformation. Without you, our genes are low and loose. And if she let me eat her booty, yeah I'mma eat her booty. I'mma give a **** your mom's house live, bitch! House Live, bitch!

YMX Live is so exciting. This is our first one in a while. This is a big big episode. I love you. Yeah. I don't anymore. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Me how? What's everybody? Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. What's everybody? You got me saying it now. Everybody likes it, man. It's really taken up. People were shouting it to me at the shows I was doing.

They're like, what's everybody? By the way, we just had your Austin Arena show sold out. Yeah, that was awesome. We're all still glowing from that amazing show. It was a fun night. It was spectacular, Tommy Salami. Everybody I spoke to had the best time. You were so relaxed up there.

You were so happy. I mean, your jokes were just amazed. If you guys haven't seen Tommy's new hour, get your life, go see him. Cause it's, I think this is your best one yet. I have a lot of fun doing it. The shows have been just like, it's just so much fun. And to do it in Austin, you know, you just, you didn't know.

It's my adopted, our adopted hometown now. It's where we live. So to be able to, you know, sleep in your bed at night and then go down, do the big arena in town and have it be just jam packed. And I had so many friends and family there. I mean, you were there, Charo was there. My sister was there.

My cousins were there. I had a ton of people there. The whole staff came to the show. It was really fun. And we had a little after party. It was a really good time. I didn't go to that. I ditched.

Yeah, but you hung out. You were hanging out though. But I loved seeing you. I haven't watched you do this hour. I know. And just so people know, if they haven't seen it, I'm just gonna say there's some shit talking about me. I mean, just the small little.

And you, what? What? The best part about me watching your set is that people like to watch my reaction when you talk about me, which is why I hide backstage and I sit in the video village

because I don't want people seeing my face. Because I've because I I mean you guys have to see what he says. It's pretty pretty gnarly No, I know it's pretty gnarly you're referencing because on the last tour when you you came to London I talked about you. You said that all the lads were like, oh said that all the lads were like, oh, hey, hey, he's talking about you, isn't he? Everything you'd say, I was sitting behind a bunch of lads and they turn around and go, oh, and I'm like, no, dude. Y'all the baddies talking about. Yeah. But this time, this time you sat in Video Village.

I hid. And, but you still had people. Well, Kirk was sitting next to me, Kirk Fox, your opener, Brian Simpson. And Kirk was like, have you heard this yet? And I was like, no, I've been hiding in the house for the last few months. And he just was like, I could tell he wasn't sure if I was gonna be a wife about things

or if I was gonna be a comic about things. Yeah, but you're a comic. I'm always a comic first about things like that. But yeah, it's pretty crazy what you're talking about this hour. And it's also very sweet you're talking about this hour. And it's also very sweet to hear stories about our kids. And yeah, it's a well-rounded set, very well-rounded. I like try to have a balance between, you know, family, Hitler, sex, society. But when is Hitler

not fun to talk about? I mean, the guy just keeps delivering. He's been gone for a long time, but he keeps staying in the fucking zeitgeist. He's just there. Well, because they keep colorizing the footage. All of a sudden you're like, I've only seen this guy in black and white.

Yeah. I wanna see, oh, he's in color now? Oh, shit. I'll watch this whole documentary series, yeah. Yeah, and then they rope us back into Hitler stuff. And they're like, guess what we did? We modified the audio. You can hear his, I gotta hear the guy's real voice.

This is incredible. Like, oh, Hitler had a pet. What kind of pets did he have? Now I gotta know about his dog. Hey, guess what? We exposed a new roll of film. I'd love to see all the photos. But he's never not interesting.

Why aren't we this interested in Stalin? Why not Saddam Hussein? Why not any other Pol Pot? I watched some Saddam stuff this weekend. Well, is he as interesting and intriguing as Hitler? Saddam, he's a real interesting guy. And he was a bit of a knucklehead. Is he as dynamic as Hitler?

He had a peasant's upbringing. Oh, okay. And he came to power in 79. I just watched stuff about him. He had this great, great first week in office. It's one of the most epic fucking gangster things I've ever seen. He called a general assembly. So everybody in government had He called a general assembly. So everybody in the, in government

had to come to this assembly. It was essentially in like a picture of big theater. Okay. It's July in Iraq. It's fucking a hundred and 10 degrees, maybe warmer. And there's no air conditioning and they're all in this thing. They're all in suits and they're like, yeah Yay, sit down and he knew that some people were already plant trying to overthrow him So he stands up there. He lights a cigar He takes a few puffs and he's like I'm gonna read some names from this piece of paper if I read your name, I want you to stand up and recite the party slogan.

And then exit to the back of the theater. And so he just smokes his cigar, reads people's names, they stand up, they say the slogan, and then one guy's like, he's like, what did I do? Why'd you read my name? He doesn't answer him. He's just like, just recite the party slogan and then just head to the back of the theater.

And then everybody who he read, they were all walked out and executed. And then he was like, that's how we're gonna do things around here. Wow. Yeah, pretty soon he was, he figured out how to kind of skim some money off the top of their oil sales,

and he was living a pretty plush life. The real thing that's interesting too is he had two sons, and one of them, I think the first born, Uday, was a real fucking psycho. But I remember being attracted, I remember being sexually attracted to Uday. To Uday? Psycho. Yeah. But I remember being attracted. I remember being sexually attracted to Uday. To Uday?

I'm pretty sure. We bring up Uday who's saying, I thought he was cute at one point. Well, maybe it's the other son, because there's two boys. What's the other guy's name? There's Uday and what was the other? His sibling.

Oh, Kusei, that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's see. Because I remember I had a crush on one of them at one time. He seems more interested. Look, he's kind of handsome there on the floor, right? Yeah, it's not bad. It's not bad. It's not bad.

It's cute. Wait, so, see, I like that story you told. I'd like to see that reenacted in it. Ude's a real ding-dong, though. So what he was in charge of, they put him in charge of the Olympic Committee. So all sports in Iraq. But guess how he got the best out of his athletes? He tortured them. He tortured them and like threatened their families. He would have them murdered. He was really, really psychotic

and to the point where Saddam one time, so Saddam had a party and Uday at the party shot three people with a shotgun and killed them. And so his dad was like, I am fucking done with this shit. You're being a real knucklehead. You guys are grounded. So Saddam burned Uday's cars as a punishment. Uday had like a bunch of fleeted cars. Why don't we get to see more of these kinds of stories? That's what I'm saying. These are good stories. Hitler didn't even do this stuff.

Hitler's fucking tired as a topic. We're got it already. Except for what I talk about. They need to bring these cool stories because I never recalled Hitler torturing Olympic athletes or torturing his son's car. He didn't have kids. No, he had a couple other things he did. I don't know how much you know about Hitler.

I don't know. You know know about Hitler. I don't know. He was a little, he was not nice to some other people. You know what, from what I've heard. Why just Hitler? I know. So many other people commit genocide, but we only hear about that guy. I know. There's a really a lot out there.

There's like, this guy keeps getting all the top press, and there's some other people that deserve press. You think it's because he was so stylish too? Like he had a really kind of like Pronounced aesthetic the uniforms were very dramatic Yeah, he had like marketing. He had a good marketing team. Well, the other thing is that there was there was clear when you when you look at like the story of Germany coming to power and what they were what they were trying to do

It there's there's not a lot of times where you have a unified Front against one like his his mission Was take over like we're gonna take we're just gonna invade everyone take over europe. So everybody got to go, you're evil. You're just like invading people left and right. It was clear to have like, this is the enemy. A lot of times when there's other dictators in power, it doesn't register to everyone else. Well, you know what it sounds like to me is that these other guys don't have a clear objective.

Or as bigger plans. Yeah, like Hitler reached for the stars. He did. And by the way, he was hitting home runs because he was like, we're going to take Poland. They take Poland. We're going into France. They take Poland. So he was spreading that. it's that German stuff, man

The Germans know how to get shit done efficiency Planning Strategie they know how to do I believe they just elected a new Leader who's a I think far-right leader. So maybe cool. Maybe some you know We seem to be the world is going that way right now Yeah, that'd be pretty cool and see if he's like, you know, I have inspired by some of our past leaders I'll be at the Ford Center in Evansville, Indiana tomorrow on February 27th. There's only a few tickets left

So get them while you can then this Saturday March 1st I will be in Chicago at the United Center go get your your tickets at tomscura.com slash tour. When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof, like Gymshark or Mattel, yes they have a great product and marketing, but an often overlooked secret is actually the business that is making selling simple. For millions of businesses, that's Shopify.

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Expressvpn.com slash ymh. I think the Germans are a little sore about that topic. They're kind of like, they don't wanna talk about it. It's so annoying. That's like all you wanna talk about when you go to Germany and nobody wants to talk about it. I know, you're like, you're German, so what were Nazis like?

Was your dad a Nazi? Was your grandpa in the party? Like my grandmother, who was, my father was born in Germany during World War II. And my, yeah. Let's go Friedrich Maltz. That's the new. Not the Bundesstaak. His party's Christian Democratic Union of Germany.

That's a little too, that sounds a little too democratic. The Christian Democratic Union of Germany. But anyway, my grandma lived in that region at that time. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. During the WWII and the commies. And I endlessly would ask her about World War II.

I'd be like, did you know what was going on? Like what they were doing to the Jews? And she was like, of course everybody knew, they just ignored it. Yeah and she was like of course everybody knew we just ignored it yeah it's like cool she's like that she's had Hungarian accent yeah everybody knew we just ignored it what what should we do fight the Nazis and like I I mean I guess not she's like you could smell it you could smell the bodies burning in the neighborhood and like has the lemonade and I think that's a great place to take us.

Have you guys bought my lipstick yet? Oh yeah, that's a good transition. Go ahead, go ahead and plug your lipstick now. We're done with our Nazi tirade. My sweet Nana wore the perfect red, and I had it designed after her and her love of all things. And her ignoring the execution of millions of people. Yeah, there you go. Also Berlin,

named after? Oh yeah. Headquarters. Yeah, headquarters. Yeah. You can still see Hitler's bunker if you go to Berlin, East Berlin. And if you wear Berlin in Berlin, double whammy. Atomic Red, that's for a different war. Yeah. And Madison. Wisconsin? I don't know. It's kind of liberal. I had to make it liberal. Anyway, bye now, ChristinaP.com. Get all four. Why not at the same time?

Impress your lady. Impress your lady. Impress your lady. Or if you're a handsome fellow, you want to wear lipstick, go ahead. There you go. Okay. Hitler wore lipstick. Let's play the opening clip

before we get to our big news. Oh wow. You ready? I'm ready here we go Birthday shout out nigga what hey yo Elia word on the street is it's your 16th birthday today pussy lips and speaking of pussy lips What's up with your mama's fat ass purple pussy lips? nigga what That's a cool guy. That was really nice. Jesus, Tom. Mom's Cigarra. That's not nice. That's not nice. Meow meow meow. That's not nice. Meow meow meow.

Meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow so Oh my gosh. Wow, you're really on this creative thread now. Pretty good stuff. Hey, can you get this guy to do my next birthday shout out too? Yeah. Can we get his information? I would love. Absolutely.

Yeah, please. Let's start sending some kind of video requests his way. He clearly is cool with saying anything, so that would be fun to see where we could take it. But Tim, your birthday is next. Yeah, yeah it is. So I think we should get one for Tim. Okay. Well, you're gonna be 42. Six.

Nothing, such a baby age. How old will you be? How old will you be soon? That is your droopy. I'm gonna be fucking 49, okay? Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that exciting? God, I just looked at my phone.

That means one more year and you hit wow, wow, wow. I can't believe it. No. It's so, but can I talk to you for a second, real talk? Yeah, talk to me. You know, Tom, since I had breast cancer, I'm just glad to be here. I used to fret about age and looking old.

And I'm like, you know what, bro? Like I'm still gonna try to look hot and stuff, but like, I'm just, I'm just, I am too blessed to be stressed. You know what I'm saying? Yes, yes, yes. I'm too blessed, hashtag. Yeah, there also comes a point, right?

That like you just realize, what I mean? You just, we all age, you're aging. Yeah. You're supposed to age. It's just part of the whole thing, bro. And here you're aging, you're supposed to age. It's just part of the whole thing, bro. Here's the thing, every generation, you just try to look better than your parents did

at your age. For sure, which I do. That's really the thing, yeah. Which I do. Yeah. But my mom aged very well. Actually, my parents were kind of hot. Yeah, they did age well, but still.

Did your parents? Well, your mom looks great. She looks pretty good for an eight-year-old lady. Yeah. My dad really threw in the towel,-year-old lady. Yeah. My dad really threw in the towel, I think, at 50. He really did. He definitely didn't try.

He really did. He stopped trying. Here's the funny thing. He was really, really active up into his 40s. Very active. One lie to stop. I don't know. I think he just, he hit that point of like, fuck it. At like, like if you see him, if I show you photos of him in his thirties and even into his early forties, flat stomach,

strong weightlifting, like just in shape, fit guy. And then I, I, what I can remember vividly is him being like 55 so it would still be for me to compare myself I would have to be it'd be like 10 years from now, but when he was 55 I was like man like you really don't give a fuck right like But he's like, oh Barbecue Damn dude like He was like, oh, stop. I'm just, geez, barbecue. It's pretty dark. I'm like, god damn, dude.

Like, not at all. Didn't give a shit. Well, I understand it because, as like, I stopped drinking alcohol because of cancer. Apparently it's a carcinogen. My oncologist was like, look, even I don't drink alcohol. I'm the doctor. I advise you to stop.

And I was like, great, done. So like, I don't drink alcohol anymore I'm the doctor. I advise you to stop. And I was like, great, done. So like, I don't drink alcohol anymore, which I really enjoyed. I don't smoke cigarettes anymore. I'm on the Osempies again. Woop woop. So I'm not even really eating. It's like, I just have to train myself to enjoy like walking.

It fucking sucks. Well, I think the thing for Top Dog was that his joy, his dopamine drip came from food. Yeah. You gotta have something. You have to have something. And that was just for him the thing that like, as he aged, he was even more into it, you know?

Yeah. Because I think he just was like, you know, you'd see him light up at the idea of like meals and feeling like, oh shit, let's go eat that. And then it was, yeah. And there was no counterbalance, no like, I'll eat this way Friday It was just like every day, you know, no cuz I allow myself to eat what I want on Sundays. Mm-hmm

I'm like fuck it. That's my one day I'll just do stuff and then I'll rein it in the next day and that seems to be okay But it is depressing to not have vices anymore. I know it sucks sucks. I'm getting excited by doing puzzles now. It's also part, that's the thing, we're getting older. Fuck, I pet my cat. I got so stoked to be with the cat this morning. I was like. You were so excited, I know. Petting the fucking cat.

I buy sweaters. This is, we should get into the big news here. Oh my God. Okay. Ah-ye-ye-ye! So. Oh wow. Chips in a bowl! If anything merits it, I think it's this, isn't it?

What about... Is it my favorite sound? It's the sound of love, cat eating kibble. This means something amazing is going to be told to you here in a moment. Are your mom's house exclusive? Ah! You smelt it here first. Well, it's time we should just finally say it. We've been building it up, we've been teeing it up, and now we get to tell you, YMH Live is back.

It is YMH Live 10. Whoa! It is coming to you live March 7th at 7.30 PM Central Time. That is 8.30 Eastern and that is 5.30 Pacific. Pacific. It is gonna be our biggest one yet. We've got the great Dan Soder joining us in studio as our special guest. We have of course brand new sketches and we're to celebrate our 10th live show. We are giving away

$10,000 Live on the show on the live stream Go to ymh studios comm for more information and to grab your ticket We will announce the lit the winner live on the show right before the heavy segment. And of course, don't miss the exclusive VIP post show hosted by Josh Potter. Everything is at ymhstudios.com. This is one that we have been putting months into

to get ready. It's been all behind the scenes, super secret, and now we get to announce it to you guys that these, the original sketches are a whole tier above anything we have ever done before. There's real, real production that's gone into all of this. And this is a group effort. When we do YMH Live, the whole team participates,

meaning every single person that works here and even outside people, we have to outsource a bunch of things, but we love doing YMH Live. So this is number 10 and it's gonna be our biggest one yet March 7th it's gonna go down so I hope you can join us a reminder because I get asked this every single time and I want people to know you do not have to like if you can't join live March 7th at 730 p.m. you can still watch the show later on that night,

the next day, three days later, the week after. So if you're not able to join live, just know that you can still watch the show. But if you can be there live, it's obviously fun to be in the moment. All right? That's good. Well, because you never know what's gonna happen.

You just don't know what's gonna happen. You don't know if we're gonna say something crazy. Or if you're gonna see something crazy. Oh my God. And of course it'd be fun to be there either watching or winning 10K also, that's pretty cool. That's the best dude.

I can't wait for these sketches, we filmed one last week that I've been thinking, I thought about it for days, it was so funny. It's unbelievable. It was so amazing. Yeah, we have cool guys. We have a lot of special stuff in this one. We made also an original short story that I don't even know how to chew it up.

It's high, high level production and it's a really original fun story and I would say that the motivation for it was my dad. Oh wow, very cool. Okay, that being said, some happy birthdays came in. We always like to check out. Oh, fantastic. Would you like to see?

I'm dying to see, especially because we're going to the UK pretty soon. We are. I got to practice. Right. We'll be in the UK. We're going to be in, before the UK, we'll be in Ireland, we'll be in Belfast, then we're going to go down and we'll be in everywhere from Cardiff Manchester London I'm forgetting but I'm going to BAM. I don't remember. I think I'm gonna BAM and it's all at TomSka.com

Slash tour if you're over there, please come and see me. All right, here we go Chick-fil-A? How you doing today? Doing good. What else can I get for you? That's it. $12.84. Appreciate ya. Four strokes for ya. Thank you. Thank you. Happy birthday. Have a good one. Alright, best meal of the day.

That's for you, Hitler. Thank you. Happy birthday. That's for you. Wow, that was really good. That was really good. You deserve a round of applause, sir. He snuck so many things in there. Charlie, yeah. Wow, you crushed it, Charlie. You dropped two Hitlers in there.

And um, four strokes for you. And then, that's the cool, like, black guys are always like, ah, that's right. Like, he didn't know what you said, but he still went with it. He's like, that's's right, he didn't know what you said but he still went with it. He's like, that's what I'm talking about. They just roll with whatever crazy shit. When he says four strokes for you, watch. He's like, yeah man.

He doesn't know what he's saying. What did he say? Four strokes for ya Yes sir Four strokes for ya? Yes sir He doesn't know what he said He don't care

Hello love It's your birthday You're with me? No, I'm just having fun. Right. Look at you. All right. Great, amazing, thank you.

Wish everybody in there a happy birthday for me. Have a good one. I'm so confused. I know, he's like, why would we do that? That doesn't make any sense. White people need logic. Yeah. That guy before was like, just roll with it, dude.

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TrueWork helps you be your best when your best matters most. Check out the full lineup and get 15% off your first order at truework.com slash ymh. That's 15% off at truewerk.com slash ymh. I like my image here in the bottom corner. Yeah, what's that about? Did they provide that? Yeah, yeah, that was on there when they sent it. Oh, that's awesome, dude.

Thanks, man. Yeah, it's really cool. Is that Ar it. That's hilarious. That's awesome dude. Thanks man. Yeah, it's really cool. Is that Arby's? Where is this fool eating from? What is that? Maybe KFC? No.

The box. I want to say that's a KFC box. That looks like just like a plastic bag of food. Like they just threw trash into a bag. The entrance says Dairy Queen. Is that Dairy Queen? Wow. Wow.

Delicious. This is Dairy Queen. Is that Dairy Queen? Oh, DQ. Wow. Wow, delicious. Do you know what's been, well actually I'll save this for our guest coming. Oh my God, that's so fun. Oh, I was watching the Puff Daddy documentary. Of course. Dude. Yeah.

Speaking of Saddam. Yeah. Dark. Really? Dude Puff is like Like I always heard and then as the news kind of you know, you see these like kind of flashes Like oh, you know charged with this and you know, but when you sit and you watch here's the thing about this I watched the one on max It's a I don't know six part series. It's like pretty I don't know, six part series.

It's like pretty in depth. These are not just like stories. There's sit down interviews with, cause if you're like, oh, who was it? Uh, childhood best friend, personal bodyguard for like 10 years, uh, former employees, former artists that he worked with. Like the chef, the chef, the chef that cooked in his house for years. It's everybody that was intimately involved with this guy and everything that they said, I mean, he's a monster.

Yeah. There's a re like, when you watch this, you end up going like, Oh, there's a real like when you watch this You end up going like oh, there's a real Probability that I don't think he's gonna see the way probability probability. Did I say it wrong? Did you guys hear probability? Why did you have to fucking do that? Just making sure you're talking properly speaking properly Got choking again or? No, it just was in between words I was gonna say. Oh, okay.

Okay. I think there's a real probability that he's not gonna see the light of day. Oh, if he can, yeah, they can. If any of these charges stick, you're like, well, if he made the stupid mistake of videotaping all these assaults on people. And why does he videotape?

So that he can blackmail people later, but that's gonna be the nail in his coffin with these cases. Maybe if you wanna just jack your D later to it. I guess. I guess. No, it's Tom. I mean, everything you watch before bed

is a steady diet of awful and just chaos and murder and destruction. That one was like, thank God I was on cold medicine. I could like, Yeah, you kind of tapped out of it, but it is fucked up, man. No, I know. This woman's like crying in the interview. She's like, I haven't been able to wear the color red in five years because he gave me a cup of red. Like it was a red cup with poison, like whatever. God damn it.

Well, allegedly we should say. Oh yeah, sure. It's pretty true. And then he allegedly forced himself into her and then she vomited on the table and then he kept doing it. And what's really crazy to me is she's like, yeah, I knew him. Like he would call me and we would chat on the phone.

It's not like he just plucked her out of a nightclub. No, I know. Or she's a sex worker that he's torturing. They had a rapport. Yeah. And then the people that worked in his home, like his domestic staff, tortured these poor, pushed them around, swearing at them,

calling them, just like. And they all, the crazy thing, you know what the crazy thing is? Each of them. So they interviewed his executive assistant, like the last one that he had. And he was like, oh man, I was so excited to work, like, for somebody I idolized.

And I was like, I get to work for Puff. And then you see, he, Puff left him not just text, but but voice notes so that you get to hear his voice and he's like hey man Go ahead and get that lube and that baby oil over to the corner for one of my parties so it's like he's he's like I'm just delivering like baby oil and lube and Condoms to parties and I and I have to clean that he goes the cleanup was the worst To parties and I and I have to clean that he goes the cleanup was the worst Because you just cleaning up like eight used condoms And then he would destroy hotel rooms Oh, so they were like we had to like send a special unit to like clean up the hotels

And then he goes one time and then the guy started crying. He's like puff was like Hey, man, like it's time like a loyalty test um Like you're with me, right? You're with me on all this shit and he's like, yeah like He's like, all right. Fuck her and the girl was like It's okay like gave him the head nod

and then he's like I started to like Have sex with someone that I didn't want to. This guy's crying in the interview. And then he's like, and then when Puff left, I stopped and I was throwing up. It was really traumatizing people. You know what's so interesting, and I've said this before on this show

and I'll say it again. Yeah. The people in showbiz who pretend to be like, ha, everything's great, I'm just lifting everybody up a road. They really present themselves as the good guys They're covering up the darkest Meanwhile guys like you were like a cum I wiped the cum on the sheets the shit in my hand I do all these great like these are the normal ones. Yeah, it's always the guys that present is like

Do you know how all this kicked off for him to? They said like not kicked off in terms of behavior But in terms of this becoming an issue Cassie Yes, but it was the it was the awards the award ceremony. He got an award He had not been with this person in years and then in the award ceremony This is recent right like semi recent was last year. I think he's like also just want to give a shout out to Cassie Like you know, it's all love or whatever some something like that No, he goes thank you for being with me in my darkest. Yeah, I was at my worst I was in my darkest and then she saw that and was like fuck you cuz she took it as like a veiled threat

in a way, you know and That is what so him just having the nerve to mention her is what like elicited everything. Isn't that wild? I know. Eventually these guys get caught. And I hate to say it, but no. People in Hollywood are horrible generally.

Not to this level, but I've worked for some fucking demons as well. Of course, we all have. In sherbes. This is other level, but most of them for some fucking demons as well. Of course, we all have. In sherbes. This is other level, but most of them are like this. It's fucking terrible. Not to this scale. Right before we take a break here, I think we need a little palate cleanser.

Yeah. Okay. Will I feel all right? I feel all right today. Feel all right. Feel all right today. I feel all right. It is home.

I feel all right. I feel all right. I feel all right. I feel all right. I feel all right. I feel all right. I feel all right. I feel alright today. Feel alright at his home, Dave. Beautiful. Man, that was awesome. He likes he took the time out of his beach vacay to do that.

It kind of makes me wonder what Puff could do with him. Like with his producing power and this guy's raw talent He was so sad. We don't get to see that together What'd you think of that? Clip right there is although Fucking awesome. I love this guy It's fucking badass very talented any you like that. Oh Yeah, it's great. Yeah, I don't know how the fuck he does it. I know I wish I could he's a throat whistler

Yeah, it's great. Yeah, I don't know how the fuck he does it. I know which I could he's a throat whistler I'm just I mean I don't I mean I've just I've never I've literally never heard that before No, me neither. This guy like invented a whole new instrument with his body. It's pretty amazing each just enjoying life We gotta get in touch with this guy. I'm serious. We do. Of course we should. Why haven't we already? This guy's amazing.

I don't know. He needs to be writing songs for us, doing music for us. I got an idea. What about if we get him to do some of the Bad Boy Records greatest hits? I don't think he's familiar with them. He could learn them. He could learn them. That would be really cool to hear him do. Take that. Take that. Take that. And then.

I thought I told you that we won't stop. I thought I told you that we won't stop. We can totally resurrect Puffy's career. Let's make that our mission. The accomplishment of the year would be like, we brought Puff back from the dark. I mean, this could cross over into a whole new audience. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

I think it's worth trying. Good looking out, yo. You got it, bro. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Okay, bye. And we are back and welcoming back to the program as one of our good friends You can check you can check out his new tour the bro adjacent tour you can get tickets at the full charge comm

It's the full charge Matt So good to be at my home away from home. Yeah, my mom's house your mom's house, dude You know this show is so fucking popular and I tell MCs, comics who listen to it, and I'm like yeah just say I'm on your mom's house when they bring me up. And they'll always fuck it up, like your mama's house. Oh yeah, oh we get that. Or Big House, Big Mama 2. I've had...

Starring Martin Lawrence. I've had people bring me up that way too. Or even like introduction on a press thing, they'll be like, eh you've seen this very popular podcast your mama's place yeah it's your yeah your mama's place well now I used to threaten my MCs you have to say your mom's house if you say something some variant of it our fans are so die-hard they will fucking hate you totally yeah fuck this up yeah okay also how lazy they are so lazy they don't know that that's the whole job yes like you got a bomb anyway when you're an emcee so

don't bother with that yeah yeah going over your notes yeah just memorize that shit say the thing yeah yeah I remember I was emceeing in Ontario one time and I almost I was introducing David Allen Greer, and I almost said Tommy Davidson. It was halfway out my mouth, which I would have been just so fucking humiliated. It's only half racist. They were both on in living color. Yeah.

You know what I mean? He would have got you good. Shout out to both of them. I love them. It's my own stupidity and nervousness. I remember, I think I've told this story before, but it still haunts me, because there's nothing like the trauma

of not knowing what to say. And I was hosting at the Melrose Improv on a showcase night. Yeah. So Melrose is like showcase shows. So you know, every time you get off, you're like, who's next? And you go da da, and then you go back.

And I had rift of minute in between and then it was time and I was like Give it up your next comedian And I I remembered his last name and I could remember his first name. So I just said mr. Berman He's like 23 is No, he's I think his name is Peter. Is it Peter Berman? Yeah, that's his name. Yeah, now, you know it I think his name is Peter. Is it Peter Berman? Yeah, that's his name. Yeah, now you know it Peter Berman and I said Mr. Berman and he was like he came up there. I remember he was like Yeah, yeah, he looks like a mr. Berman he goes what am I his fucking fourth grade teacher, that's what he said

I was like Yeah, that dude don't fuck around. I've hung out with him recently. Oh yeah, and I mean, he should have. He did exactly what he should have done. Right. Yeah, that's him. And I was like, I was like, I, but here's the thing. Even though the person forgives you, you're so fucked up over the mistake. It sucks.

Yeah, I was like, cause I didn't, you know, I didn't write it down. I should have like written it on a piece of paper. Like it's fucking rookie to look at the paper, but it's a lot better than failure. I tell you what, man. Mr. Berman. Yeah.

It's crazy. I said Chelsea Handler's name wrong one time. She's got that. She's like, that's not my name, but whatever. And then I was so distraught like you're talking about. I was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. She's like, I don't give a fuck.

Some people just like a jumping off point at that. Of course. Some people don't even say my last name. They just give it up for Matt. Matt. Oh my god. They do it so much, I have jokes about it. Like, you know, if a joke bomb's like, well, you can't Google me.

I've been with you when people have tried your last name. They've been like, pssh. That is so stupid. Throwing the towel. Well, especially when you're headlining it. I told you, it's not that hard. There's this poster up at this place in Richland, Washington of me, and it's been up there for like 12 years and my name is spelled incorrectly.

Full Shreyan. Full Shreyan. And I remember this thing, like I'm holding a boombox and shit and I have cool hair And I thought I took it home because like somebody spit on it So I was like I'm taking this down. There's a fucking loogie on it Holy cuz I went up there and I was like I was like yo, what's up Kirkland? There was like Rich Lou And I'm like, well, we got about 44 and a half minutes left. How do you guys want to do this? Do you want to start over? I've been on stage, said the wrong thing.

Because your brain sometimes, yeah, just fucking fizzles out. Brains are horrible. Brains are not. They're so inefficient. I've fallen off a stage. Oh, yeah? At the Hyenas in Dallas. After my set, I was walking down, like, OK, good night,

everybody. And I just ate shit downstairs. I'm like, oh man. Was that before the age of taping every moment of your life because that could be, well, you don't need to go viral. So fuck it, you need to bury that. Yeah, that was, yeah, God damn it. I've eaten shit walking upstairs onto the stage.

And then also you panic so hard when that happens. Dude. And in your mind, you're like, how am I gonna recover? Yeah. They're, either they saw it and they're laughing, or they didn't see it. Yeah. And then you're not even starting anymore

because you're like, I fucking almost died. Yeah. Yeah. Why do we feel like we have to be so cool? I don't know. Our job is not to be cool. Not at all. You know, have you ever, oh my God, have you ever just straight up blanked on your set?

Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know who you're talking to? I was thinking about this on the way here because, you know, it brings up certain memories working with you and stuff. And I remember in San Jose, and I've done this twice, but one time I was opening for you and it's the last joke my time's done like you're coming out you need to come out you're clearly the headliner and I'm like yeah forget the punchline anyway and this one dude just goes oh come on like fucking blue balls asshole like you know and I was like fucking blue balls asshole. Like, you know, and I was like fucking totally intimidated but that guy actually cared.

Yeah, he cared. Everyone else is like, whatever. Yeah, so what dude? Bring out Tom. It's, I've blanked also at the opening, same thing, which is like where you're like, this is the beginning. Right. And your brain just goes, nope, nothing here.

I've got nothing for you. I equate it to reaching up on the shelf and it's just not there. It's not there. You're so casually going for it and your brain's like, I think we're taking the day off, man, because there was a stressful flight here. Yeah.

Can I tell you, the worst I ever did was at Melrose at the Hollywood Improv. Like you said, it was a showcase night, not just any showcase night. My manager had invited every agent. Always. It's always only when they're coming. That's why.

Every casting person in the city. And I literally just gotten off a weekend of shows and I was exhausted. I just came from the airport. My brain was swirling. I was up there and yeah, about two minutes in, just totally blanked. And I was like, I just froze and I was like, I forgot my jokes. I just admitted it.

I was like, I totally don't know what I'm saying. Oh yeah, I remember and I did that. But I was like- And that can work though. It did. I don't think it did. I think I did really bad. Really?

Sure, but at least you were talking. Yeah. Yeah, cause I stopped and I was like, oh my God. And I kept saying it. I? Sure. But at least you were talking. Yeah. You know? Yeah, cause I stopped and I was like, oh my God. And I kept saying it. I was like, oh my God. Oh my God. I can't believe I'm doing this right now. Like I was totally-

Were at Melrose? At Melrose. A fucking Hollywood improv. What did your manager say after this? Why are you stealing my act? Yeah. She, they were basically like, yeah, you just ate shit in front of everybody in Hollywood.

And I was like, that sounds about right. Cause I've eaten shit at showcases for like live at Gotham, remember that showcase? That was for like a five minute slot on the TV show. And I'll never forget, they gave you five minutes. I wrapped that set up in three, type three, no laughs. I'm so nervous. I'm gonna excuse myself.

The hardest I ever bombed at a showcase, and I mean bombed, was for Just For Laughs. Uh huh. Of course. So they go- Have to bomb that. We were supposed to do it at the laugh factory and when we get there they're like, oh, uh, it was something like- I'm getting anxiety just listening to you.

We had told people to like come at a different time so they're not here. So we'll just use who's here. And I'm like so there's no crowd? And they're like well there is a crowd but it's mostly comics. Oh my god. Because like the audience thought it was supposed to be like at whatever like at nine we're gonna do it at seven. I'm like how does that make any sense? Yeah. And they're like well they just just do it. And I'm like so there's like 20 comics who they're all want to they all want to Go to just for laughs. Stay in room for you Yeah, and then I'm like and that's who we're performing for they're like, yeah and the the judges from just for laughs And you're like, oh my god, I went up there and just I mean everything was just it was like right now

I just would finish and then they would just be silence right and I was like wow It's and so I got off stage and I mean was like, that was the worst experience of my entire life. And then they're like, yeah, you got it. You're going to just for laughs. I was like, off of that? Just for silence. Which just told me how fucking rigged those experiences are. You know what I mean? Like I was like, I was like, if you can get it off of that pile of shit, that means that you can also, cause I'd also had showcases for other things where I was like if you can get it off of that pile of shit that means that you can also

Because I'd also had showcases for other things where I was like, you know, I killed right and they're like, yeah, you didn't get it Yeah, why didn't you get how do what do you mean? That's my just for last I remember this one year they they brought me back like six times and I fucking murdered like like destroyed everybody on the whole show Every single time like like ruin the show for everybody else and then on the sixth one I just Kind of did okay. They brought me up for a six. Yeah, and they were like, yeah, you're not going they just wore me down Yeah, you know there's stuff that I'm dying to show you. Okay, so let's well first of all so that we don't Forget to do it. Yeah, he's at the top you are going on tour. Yeah, so I got the Bro Adjacent Tour coming up. I'm very excited about it. Thefullcharge.com, can you pull it up please?

Thefullcharge.com, it might be a little sloppy, but all the information's there and no. What's that? What's that? Oh, what? This one, there we go. There we go. So you go to tour dates. Oh, there we go. So you go to tour dates.

Oh, there we go. And all right, that's not half bad. And I also just when my plane landed, got the ticket link for the special I'm taping in Hermosa Beach in November. Fucking start buying tickets now. It's going to be it's going to be killer. Comedy magic? Yeah, comedy magic.

The lounge is going to be a lounge vibe like a fucking sleazy. Oh here we go. All right. Vibe, sexy vibe, Hermosa and it's happening man I'm very excited that's what the tour is about getting that hour together. November 22nd. And just making babies. Make babies dude know that's awesome congratulations? That's rad go to the full charge calm don't forget because if it's just full charge calm That's a broken website right yeah, and And the full charge power hour is back in full effect there you go And I'm not the full charge on Instagram so get to know me all over again. Get to know him.

You know, there he is, look at him. He's doing it. Photo by Sean Nix. Hey. By the way, do you have an OnlyFans? Yeah. You do? Yeah, but that's just for porn.

Oh, okay, because- That's fullcharge.com, I think that's down. We're trying to get Charo, my mom, to get on. Feel it. Yeah, well, I don't think she'll do hardcore, but I mean, I don't know she has to meet people Maybe something tasteful. We're trying to get her to do like good mornings Here's here's me making coffee. She makes money all day. Yeah, she drinks and has panettone like her little snacks

Yeah, like hello. Good morning. This is Choro. Good afternoon. Good evening People forget that that platform was established as being like for fans Yeah of like I want to just follow this person like patreon. Yeah. Yeah, that's really and then the porn people took it in another direction As they do they always do they get their yeah their little cum hooks in there, but the Gooey little come their gooey little come hooks never just Their gooey little come-ups never just latch out at you. But they really do innovate and they grow technologies. They adapt. Porn is their first.

VHS, Laserdisc, they were there. Yeah, I remember when I saw a thing, they're like, DJ Khaled's on OnlyFans. I was like, he's fucking people on OnlyFans? And they're like, no, he's just like, here's my house. He's fucking someone who's like DJ Khaled. DJ Khaled. That's really what it was set up for.

So anyway, we're trying to get Charo on there. I hope we can convince him too. That would be special. Are you gonna do OnlyFans? I'd love to. Do scenes with my friends. Guys would pay a premium to see you. J My D?

Dudes love you. Some dudes. Yeah, the right kind dude. The right kind of dude. That should be y'all's retirement plan. Like one big sexual encounter, only fans, cash out, that's it. Like Tom and I fucking?

Yeah, and be like, get out of your mom's house, it's over. Get out of your mom's house, burn down the mom's house? Burning down your mom's house? That would be the grossest us fucking would be the grossest, us fucking? No one wants to see that. Two fat middle-aged pigs. I'm telling you. Ugh.

Ugh! Ha ha ha ha ha. With my cancer tits and everything. Oh yeah, cancer tits. That's what you could call it. Cancer tits. Ha ha ha ha. My awful implants right now.

And then they'd be like, That was so fast. Why was this scene like that was so fast It's not those boxing matches where you're like it's over one of my favorite things I love these fucking pranks that people are doing and I also love Fucking I you know, I love fucking with my parents I love I fuck with my mom more than I did with my dad But this guy has a real fired up dad and he fucks with him. All right.

And it makes me laugh so hard. It really makes, I get so much joy out of this. You know. What? Fucking asshole, fucking stupid. Oh shit. I call off for fucks sake. Fuck, you fucking.

Fucking asshole, you... Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off, you fuckers! Fuck off, you... Fuck off, you... Fuck off, you...

Ow! What the fuck? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! This reminds me of Andrew Russell's dad, you know, when he's golfing? Just losing his shit I don't see how this dad keeps hanging around with this kid

They clearly work together too I think they're at work, you know, he's a painter Right. And so he's just at work with his dad pulls out his phone and he just fucks with his dad So he feels like he can't get fired. Yeah, he can't get fired. Well, also there's no child abuse in his history because my dad beat the fuck out of me when he did this to him. And he knows. If you did this to your dad.

Could you imagine any doing this shit to our dad? I wouldn't be here today. It wouldn't go, you'd never hold another paint brush or golf club for as long as you're in the house. No. You'd have to move out when you're 18 too. That's it, you know. It's just a testament to this dad's patience and kindness. He's actually a sweet guy. Yeah. And that's why they keep doing it. Because they're like, it's so fun to watch him go, you fucking asshole. But he doesn't actually hurt them. I think it's what he should. Yeah. I think it might even be about the curse word because he probably didn't curse that much.

He doesn't even be about the curse word. Because he probably didn't curse that much. Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Dude What the fuck? Fuck, fuck, fuck This poor dad can never relax dude. He can't relax anywhere He was sleeping on vacation

and when they dropped the chair on him that guy was in the middle of a great nap But isn't this what it's like to have boys in general? Not in my house, man. Like, I had a brother, we didn't fuck with my dad at all, man. We might've made fun of him a little bit, but Jesus Christ, dude. But I feel like anytime we wanna relax

is when they're like, I wanna jump on you. I wanna torture you. It's your torture time. The big ass. If you relax, they'll jump on top of you and fuck you up. Gotcha. Our kids are too little to be. They're always ruining something.

Yeah. Sure. Usually your peace. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, dude, they just ruin any moment. And this is the rare, this next one is the rare time where it's a woman pranking the man. Oh.

There's a lot of times these, like, the pranks in these relationships are the guy to the girl. But this woman fucks this guy up with this. Dude, I'd fucking hit that bitch too. That's me as shit, though. She fucked him up. She hates him. She fucking hates him. Wait, again, I would never do this to you,

because I respect you. I'd be like, he's going to fucking hit me. He'd wake up out of a deep sleep like that, and you see a fucking crow. Wait, that's not just a crow. That's a gargoyle. And that's beyond your relationship. That's human instincts. K kicking in, freaking out, fight or flight, you're already backed against a bed, it's fight time.

It's just terrifying. A deep sleep and see a monster on the, like. You don't know that it's me in a costume. This bitch could get fucking killed. That's everybody. She sucks, dude. She sucks. It's very funny that it's funny Dude, that was like five takes.

That was like cartoon level reaction. That's why you don't date a cosplay bitch. No, dude. Then it's filmed and put on the internet? She is shook, man. Oh, God. She hates him. Yeah.

That's fucking- Fuck that bitch, dude. That guy does not have a sense of humor about it. I mean. No. It's hard enough being alive without coffee in the morning. Yeah, you know too, he probably just worked like a long shift and he's just like. Just please bitch. Even if he's lazy, he was asleep.

He was asleep, yeah. It's bad enough when you're in a dead sleep and your kid wakes you up, they stand right over us and they're like, mom. And I'm like. I think that's bad enough. Yeah, that wake up. Oh my god. and your kid wakes you up, they stand right over us, and they're like, Mom! And I'm like, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, I think that's bad enough. Yeah, that wake up, they do.

Oh my God. Cause they always do it close too, so you're always like, holy fuck. Yeah. Dad! And they're like, fuck dude, he's like, hey, hey! No, I got it, I'm awake now, yes. What?

Do you know where my iPad is? Yeah, I'm just gonna yell at you. It's terrifying. I'm gonna fuck this bitch. If you need to focus and you have low focus, what you do is just pull back your foreskin. That'll put pressure on your frenulum, which stimulates the pineal to secrete the god molecule. See, I'm talking like Andrew Huberman here. And then you just rub, rub, rub the juicy mushroom.

Whoa! And it tingles the balls and it just gives you, it's like having a dose of espresso or Chris- And don't worry, my American brothers, if you're circumcised, what you can do is rub your ball bag and then mix the ball bag smell with a little bit from your stink portal. So just rub the starfish and then, oh, it does the same thing. What is it supposed to do? Give you energy? Yeah, just really. I scratch my taint all the time and it gives me nothing. I think it's a shame. You're not smelling it. And a trip to, no, I'm smelling it. You have to smell it.

And then I go to the bathroom and wash my hands and I'm skipping. I get nothing. I'm just, then I'm just moping like, maybe you should, god damn, I need some gold bonds. I'll send you this video and then maybe you just need to like practice how you do it. Yeah, I'll get into it. You know, maybe get some earrings or something like that. You're not mixing your ball smells and your taint smells. That's where your flaw is. That's true. You need to get that potency from your balls.

So close yet so far away. No. Sometimes I really miss out on a lot of his lessons. He's given me a lot of great pointers and I don't actually follow up a lot. So I'm being kind of a lazy student. Right. Well, I think the guy's smart.

He says espresso and not expresso. Yeah, that's true. Which makes me think he's intelligent. He's intelligent. He's very well read. It's just all the books you have no interest in. Right, the ball book. The foreskin book.

He's definitely well read. Well, this sounds like it does what smelling salts do. This might be a good segue into the show we were watching. Matt, you gotta get on this with your lady. You gotta watch this show. We found it's about 10 years old and it was on TLC and it's called My Husband's Not Gay. All right, that's a good premise.

It's about guys who are just SSA. SSA. They're same sex attracted. Okay. They're not gay. Okay. So they're basically guys who are like, yeah, I find men attractive. I look at them.

Oh, so gay. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They don't act on the impulse. Right, like I repress all the feelings that I have and I pretend that I'm attracted to this woman. But what I really like to be doing is blowing a guy.

Right. And I've created a life with this woman. And children. And children. Well, they're Mormon. They're Mormon. So they've learned that they can have these ssas But you can't act on them because scripture does not allow homosexual. I am here's a cool clip from the show. Yeah, that is that's tough No

Jeff and I are meeting Trenton Megan for an early dinner tonight. That's we can guess who's gay. And then, what? Nicoise. Nicoise. Of course. Hello. Welcome to Boulangerie. Thank you. Don't laugh, it's not that funny. Yes it is. Can I get you all an appetizer to start? You know, your hummus looked good. Your hummus plate. It's excellent.

Great, we'll try it. Okay. Thanks. Hummus cannon. Did you guys notice anything? He's a very good looking guy. We have a very open relationship. And this is just one more way we try to be open. I found it's more freeing to just acknowledge,

yeah, that is a beautiful man. I'd say you need a little more of the masculine butch. You need more of the all-American guy. That's your type. Well, yeah, sure. Okay. Well, they all have kids. I don't have great not gaydar. But I'm guessing it's the guy in the white shirt.

It's actually both guys. Oh, okay. They're both SSA. Okay. But also what's cool, what is really neat, is that there's a scale from zero to four where they have to rate how SSA they're feeling in the moment. So zero is like, I might notice an attractive guy. Oh, right there.

That's zero? I think if you, yeah, that one. Well, they had talked about it here. The scale? When they did, they talked about when here. The scale? When they did they talked about when they were playing basketball. Yeah. I don't feel like I fit the mold of guys that are attracted to other men. This guy's my favorite. Other than my my deep and abiding love for Broadway show tunes and the attraction to males. Those are

the two things that are kind of gay about me. When I'm out with the guys, yeah, we'll look at other guys, for sure. What's the danger score? Danger score. The danger scale is a way to bring out some of the inner feelings and figure out, oh, OK, that is attractive to me. And I didn't even realize it.

The danger scale goes from 0 to 4. A 1 on the danger scale, as you notice, you look. A two means you looked again. Uh-oh. A three, you'd be tempted to turn around and look again and again. A four pretty much means you're requiring restraints. Good. Really?

I can go higher than that. That's some danger. That's why basketball's been fun. Some water? A five is just when you just come in your pants. Being friends with other guys that deal with same-sex attraction, it's's been fun. Some water? Thank you. Being friends with other guys that deal with same-sex attraction, it's really been helpful. Somebody cares about you, Tom.

Yeah. They're kind of in a place that I wanna be. I wanna meet a girl and like her and say, by the way, I'm attracted to guys. That's what my friends have done and they've made it work. Yeah. Kind of. Your friends that don't live in Utah.

Isn't that crazy that he's like, I wanna be like my friends who are also gay that are married to women and are cool with being married to a gay guy. This is insanity. It's totally, it's totally. Move to a coast and fucking get busy. Yeah, dude.

Fuck some, you know. Fuck some bros. All these guys would be so much happier in their lives. And the women too. Everybody's happier. It's such an ordeal. It's like we gotta go through this whole alternate life that doesn't exist.

I mean, these guys are lucky they only have one wife too. You know? Oh my God. No. How about one of our wives is a man? Yeah. Here's the thing I do know about the Mormon church is that if you leave, cause that's what we say as people that aren't Mormon

Like get the fuck out of the church. Just go well if you leave the Mormon Church your ex communicated Which means you don't talk to your family or friends ever again, so it's not just like hey I'm leaving the church like your life is Everyone you've ever known cannot speak to you ever again So it's a really big deal. Which is why you should repress your homosexual feelings and suck it up and bust nuts in your wife's dry vagina. And you push your sagging, barely erect penis into her over and over.

The crazy thing is that we always think about those guys and how clearly they should just go be gay, because that's what you are. But then those women have never been with a guy who's like into them. Into them. They don't even know what that's like. So they do like it probably in a way. Like they probably, like there's some women,

mostly on sitcoms who are like, eh, not tonight, Ray. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, they might kind of like that aspect of it. Maybe, I don't know. But like, it's just, you gotta find people that are into what you're into, you know? She's so cute. She's adorable. That's what's great about dudes is like, we're not even disgusted.

We're like, yeah, she's cute. Yeah, she's awesome. But see, this one, she's not lying about who she is. You know? I don't know, dude. Guys, I got this really cute matching red set. I could do this for money. Doesn't it look so good on me?

I could do this for money. Like if I had to, this is what I would do. Red is like the best color ever. She's made $1,000. She's just made so much money. Guys are so gross and base. Wait, hold on, can we talk about- Who's feeding us?

Can we talk about the Mormons for a second? Can we talk to you for a second? Do you really think that these dudes, being dudes, and like young enough dudes that they still have an appetite for dicks, do you really think they're just holding it in or are they fucking each other after basketball? I think they're either jerking it to gay porn, number one, that's that. At the minimum. And then,

that's the minimum. And I do think at least one of them has got to be going on business trips and doing his thing. Somebody's got to give, something's got to give. Something's got to give. And it's better to cheat than to get excommunicated in this case, you know? It's a unique case. Yeah, I agree. Maybe they should have a clause like that. And maybe they do in their marriage where they're like, just fucking go bang dudes. It sounds like it's kind of like, don't ask, don't tell. Yeah, it sounds like it's kind of like, I'm not gonna ask you too many questions. I don't know. If you if you watch more, it feels like the women are like, they're more like it's, they're in denial, he has these feelings, but the great thing is he doesn't act on them.

So they're, maybe they're in denial to themselves about it. But like those guys definitely, like they're not being satisfied. So they gotta do something. But also if you grow up religious, you know that like, there's tons of thoughts that come into your head that you're not supposed to do, and they can just file that into that.

Because they don't live in a society where they see a lot of gay people or think it's normal. I don't think. Not in Salt Lake City, Utah. You're true. Probably not. And like there are girls who straight up like love gay guys.

Like I have friends. I have female friends who love watching gay man porn, who are very attracted to gay men, like girls. Every bachelor party there's always one gay dude that's like, we gotta have him too. Yeah. You know? I love the gay guys, maybe I should look into this.

Well you know that I'm SSA. Really? I'm not gay. No, you're not gay. No, I'm same sex attracted. I'm walking around in about a four all day long. I like how all the numbers were kind of similar. Yeah, I know. One of them should be contacts on this list.

Look again, you want to look again, and then four was restraints. Right. Yeah, it goes quick. Yeah, like I wanted to hop on them, but I didn't. Like there should be like, I talked to him suggestively. Or like I flirted with him. Come on. I did something.

They should go to 10. I think it does. I think they're cutting it off at four. When's the last time you heard of a four like rating? It's either five or 10, you know? This is TV. That's so gay. This is the TV version.

That's so gay. That's so gay. That's so okay. I Wish that their Mormon God would let them be gay. What's the big please? But then you can't have you can't make babies that way. That's the only problem. That's the only thing holding it That's literally it's not cuz it's wrong. It just that they can't make more more that guy who's still single though Who's looking for something? No, I like him the best. He should just be chugging cock Get out of the church and go chug cock for sure. Check out some Broadway musicals. No, I like him the best. He should just be Chuck and Coch. Get out of the church and go Chuck and Coch for sure. Check out some Broadway musicals. Go to New York. Go live in New York. He just needs someone to take him out of there. That's it. I know.

Just take him out of the city. I know, but all his friends are there playing basketball and stuff. Yeah. I think what's good about this for that guy is in the age of social media, he probably had people hitting him up like, dude, just fucking come out for the weekend, blah, blah, blah blah that type of thing, you know, yeah cuz you guys are savaged Oh, yeah, like I'm sure he got DM. He's like I'll fucking suck your dick come to New York right now Right like Robert Paul champagne their DMs definitely blew up. Yeah, you can only turn that down about 12 13 times before you know I really need they each of these guys, especially the single guy He just needs another Mormon who was like, I grew up Mormon too. So they can connect on that. And then, hey man, like you could

still care for God and be filled with cum. Like just, you just need to visit me. It doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. It can exist together. God doesn't hate cum. He just hates when there's no babies with the cum. That's all it is. That's why he hates jerking off. It's a good speech. That's why he hates porn. To like the Mormon gays out there.

God doesn't hate your cum. God doesn't hate your cum. He just hates when there's no babies. Have you been in a Waymo yet? I have not. I've seen them around and skeptical. I wanna try it. I wanna try.

I'm at about a one on WGOS. I look twice. I've seen them everywhere. Something will go wrong. It will be me. I'll finally go viral. I'll finally be famous. Paying attention. I got to watch my weight though if I'm gonna get in one of these. Okay, okay. Let's talk about it. I'm too fat to safely ride in a Waymo. And you might be too. It's your favorite automotive educator. And recently my wife and I took our first spin in the self-driving ride share service.

I had concerns, but was cautiously optimistic about the experience. After loading up our suitcases and getting comfortable, I buckled my seatbelt. No way I was riding in a futuristic self-driving machine without it. And bam, the seatbelt clicked and immediately locked. Okay, it happens.

Let me try again. Removing my seatbelt instantly made the car scream at me. But you know, I had to. The seatbelt locked yet again, almost instantly. Damn it. Wait, isn't that supposed to lock? And before you think I'm the problem, or just too damn fat for this car.

The seatbelt locked on my smaller wife too. Fat people deserve a safe comfortable ride just like anyone else. Waymo, you need to provide seatbelt extenders. It's as simple as that. They're relatively inexpensive and should simply be in the car for customers to use when they're needed. And while we're on the subject of seatbelt extenders, being an ally to the fat people in your life means you too should have a seatbelt extender because they're not universal. A quick Google search or call to your local parts department at the dealership will let you know if the car manufacturer makes them. And if they don't, you can get it from seatbelt extender pros.com for 20 to 30 bucks. All right. Everybody wants everything and everyone is taping everything. And this is insane.

Insane. Also, if you know- You should have one too. I should get one just in case. I don't have any friends. Fat friends. I don't drive anybody around. Except my wife. That's it, dude. But here's the deal, man. If you know your great, big fat person, and this tiny ass car shows up. You should carry it. Carry what, homie?

That's what I'm saying. If you're the great, big fat person, you carry it. That's right. Why is it my responsibility? B-Y-O-S-B-E. Yeah. Yeah, bring your own extender. No, she needs the video where they go,

oh yeah, you're right, it should be everywhere, and it could be in your purse. Yeah, then you carry it. At all times. That's a good point, Tom. That's a good point, Tom. Like a condom in the wallet. Yeah, dude. Exactly, just bring your own.

I bring hand sanitizer, because I like clean hands. Stop fucking eating, fatty! Jesus Christ, you know? That's not gonna happen. You gotta be fucking retarded as fuck and off of his weight. That's not gonna happen. That helps. That does, but that's too much work. Just buying a seatbelt extender is less work.

I've never seen a seatbelt extender for sale. No. Probably get it on Amazon or whatever. Oh, you get everything. Or at SeatbeltExtenderPros. whatever. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right Or at seatbelt extender pros comm What car should a fat person get like what's a night like an SUV? Yeah Big fat people want big fat cars. Yeah. Yeah, you don't want to get in a little car Well, she makes yeah, she's getting into a tiny car because there was that lady a few weeks ago that got she wants to sue lift

Oh, yeah, because Lyft driver pulled up. She was, she's 392, I think. This lady. And she was like, and the driver was like, nah, he's like, you can't get in here. I mean, yeah, he knew, you know, he probably didn't have the right accommodations. He actually had a small car. He's like, you're, you're way too big for the car. I think a classic car is good. Even though it's built for skinny people. Yeah. They're big, big, long bench seats it's built for skinny people. Yeah. They're big, big long bench seats.

Yeah. And no seat belts. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah, because you know what the thing is? If you have a big SUV, it's not easy to get in them. No, that's what I was thinking. Yeah, yeah.

You need a low-rided SUV, but then if you're heavy, that's just going to make you scrape going up a little ramp or whatever. But I was thinking a pickup truck. You just need a driver. In the back. Yeah. You get in the flatbed. Yeah.

That's a scene, that's a sight. That's a good idea. That would so fly in Texas. Little baby pool. People don't give a fuck. They put everything in their pickup truck. My Uber driver picked me up in a pickup truck today. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

See? Texas loves that. People don't give a fuck, that is true. My car got hit today. Really? In a parking lot and I watched it. You just saw it happen? I watched it and I was like, hey. You hit my car.

And she goes, I don't think I did. I go, no, I watched it. And she goes, I don't think I did. I go, it's not that you think, I saw you do it. And she was like, no. And then her trailer hitch matches up perfectly to the damage I'm like and then she just rolled up the window and drove off. Oh my god. You can do that Yeah, I just driving off. I posted it online. It's a new it's a new era of no the law don't apply to me

I'm out. That's her license. Oh My god, but she deserves it right? Yeah for sure She deserves the nerve of? Yeah, for sure she deserves it. The nerve of somebody. Look, that's the trailer. There's the paint on the edge of it. Oh my God. And then the next image, that's where it went. Dude. Yeah. That's definite.

Yeah. I mean, especially. Also, if you go back a few, I have, oh yeah, that's her. Oh, that's me yelling at her. I go. Nice. Because she had already turned back around. I go, no, I watched you do it.

I watched you. She's like, I don't think I did. turned back around I go no I watched you do it that was me it's so funny on the show but it's so fucking frustrating in real life. Yeah, it's just crazy. You know? Yeah. I just, I don't know, man. And especially in this day and age where there's so many cameras and everyone can, all you

have to do is photograph her drivers or her whatever the shit word is, license plate. Yeah. Yeah, we already found out who it belongs to. People. You're not going to get away with it. They also don't know who they're fucking with. You guys have a huge show. That's true. You're not going to get away with it. They also don't know who they're fucking with. You guys have a huge show. That's true.

I mean, oh my god, one time I backed up into a really shitty tow truck in the parking lot. I was with our kids. And I left him a note. I was like, I'm so sorry. That's what you do. Yeah, because also my kids, I don't want to hit and run. She called somebody. She rolled up the window. And we're like, hey, hey, and then she started to move and then she just drove

Okay, that's a wild dog. That's a crime. It legit is the trailer hitch too. Yeah, of course It's like it fits perfectly. It's what she did. Yeah, we watched her do it. Yeah, but my opinion is it didn't happen Yeah, that's what that's my goes, I don't think I did. I love Red Band's comment, what a cunt. Short and sweet. Yeah. That's my boy. Yeah.

Dude, what the fuck? She got Garth Army on her now. Yeah, she's done for, dude. She's done. That car is not gonna get any love in Texas. There's her face too. Holy shit. Oh yeah. It's just a shitty thing Holy shit. It's just, here's the thing, it's just a shitty

thing to do. I mean, it's not cool. You should be, you know, you're accountable. You did it. But yeah, whatever. It's just how it goes. This is really crazy. People are fucking. I had a hit and run. My car got totaled. What? On Los Feliz Boulevard. It just, I had a Chrysler 300, you saw it. Yeah. And it just, this is in 2015. I only had it for like six months and it was like the coolest car in the world for me because I would never buy it myself. Yeah.

But like a friend had it and I bought it from him cheap and I'm like cruising in a Chrysler 300. Just loving it. Just baller. Yeah, yeah. And I park it on Lowesville Boulevard and I come out in the morning and it's total. It's legitimately total.

You can't fix it, that's that. And then somehow the car that hit it kept going. Nutty, fucking nutty. It's insane. Definitely drunks. There was one time when I lived on Silver Lake Boulevard, I'm in the back room and I hear what I thought was an explosion Right. I thought it was a grenade. I really thought that somebody had thrown a grenade. I was like

And I run out to the front yard and it was my cousin's girlfriend's car was parked and Somebody had hit it at like 50 miles an hour. Oh my God. Drunk, too. Demolished it, yeah. So goddamn loud, terrifying. It is. It definitely is. I think I even heard it, but I was like, it didn't seem like it applied to me. I'm like, yeah, whatever.

Then I went to bed. Good night. And woke up and I was like, oh shit. Fuck, dude. Did it get, you get like a... I got so much money from it. You did? Yeah.

Okay, that's cool. Good. Five figures. I'm sure they're gonna hook. You did, okay. That's cool. Five figures. I'm sure they're gonna hook me up, the insurance people on this one. Oh yeah. That's your next seven weeks, bro. Just taking care of this problem. That's the worst part of car drama is that.

Now you need to have the temporary car while the... And then the part not gonna come in for another month. It's the hassle. Fuck, I hate that kind of stuff. Such a waste of your life. That's your whole life practically. Yeah, it's your fucking life when your car gets messed with. This fucking meth addict. Was she on drugs?

Did she seem like she was high? No, just some dumb broad. Just like. Dumb broad. Yeah, just. Entitled, not concerned about someone else. She knew she did it, and she started to go, she was like, no, I go, no, no, no. Like I watched, I literally watched it. Yeah. I go, I watched you do it. She was like, I don't think so. I think, I think we're looking

at a society that lives like this now. Not everybody, but some people. She knew she did it and was like, I'm leaving. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See you in court, bitch. Yeah. Fuck. Although I do have to say Texans are usually very Yeah. Fuck. Although I do have to say Texans are usually very honorable and cool. And especially about vehicles. Yeah. Like that's like a church.

Like your vehicle is an extension of yourself. Yeah. And you extend that courtesy to people because you want it coming back your way. Dude, when we were, I got in a hit and run, drunks. Yeah. Blew the red light and hit my car. I was doing the right thing, they were doing the wrong thing. My children were in the car.

But thankfully nobody was hurt, but you know, it fucked up the car. Anyway, this citizen, this Texan man, saw what happened, chased down the guys that hit and run me and brought them to me and was like, ma'am, I believe these are the ones that hit and run me and brought them to me yeah ma'am I believe these are the ones that hit your car he rounded them up he did rounded them up fuck up and I was like this is Texas only in Texas yeah that's nice I was so blown away yeah I sent him a thank you that's beautiful

yeah well this is this is a little palate cleanser. Okay. Yeah, sure as if the pee video wasn't Pee video no big deal. Oh Fuck dude, I Don't want any part of that. Oh man like that either, you know, did you used to do that stuff? Yeah, I used to skate. I was a skateboarder. So I didn't have time for this nonsense. I was destroying my body in other ways. Did you ever get really hurt skateboarding? Fuck, yeah, all the time, dude. I can't believe I used to do it. You're falling from the top of a half pipe all the way to the flat bottom, like nine, 10 feet, and that's not even the biggest ramps to skate, and you're just landing on your hip. One time I flew off the side of a half pipe

and landed right on a jump ramp that was like this. Took the nest tee plunge right on top of this. Like you name it, dude. I rolled ankles, never broke any bones. And I fucked myself up in 2020. I fucked up my hand skateboarding. And I'm like, I made it this far. I'm not pushing this.

This is stupid. Cause you can't just do it all willy nilly once every three months. You're gonna get killed. No, especially at our age. I've seen. That's what I'm trying not to say. You gotta be like Tony Hawk.

He got fucked up. I know. Tony Hawk got fucked up and even the last documentary was like kind of a dark thing where like Stacey Peralta, his mentor was like, he's gonna hurt himself, like he's kind of got to slow down, but Tony Hawk can't slow down because he's just got it in him, you know? It's just one of those things. To drive. Yeah. I know. It's like the movie The Wrestler, but way better. Sorry, Tony. I love you. I love you, Tony. Keep skating. No, he's the

best. I don't like what I'm about to see. Oh, that's my worst nightmare. I think about this all the time happening to me. But then, she can't get up. Oh no. Because he just keeps moving. This is my worst fear. This is literally what I think about.

Is this her first time? I think she's old. I did so much better. Even as a child. Just steady yourself, bitch. Grab the side. Come on. Get it together.

She's endlessly falling downstairs. She's like, I'm almost there. I'm hoping this is a security camera and not someone just watching. She's just fucked. Get up. Or stay still, one or the other. All right, just get to the top.

Yeah. Just get upright, bitch get to the top. Yeah. Just get upright, bitch. There you go. Yeah, she fell. No, she didn't. No! Then she gets up there and somebody pees on her. She's coming to help her.

Oh no. Oh, they had to. Someone finally stopped it. So she fell down like 65 stairs. My God, yeah. Cause she kept going. I did the stair master for about a half an hour, you know, got some exercise. So she fell down like 65 stairs. My god. Yeah. I did the stair master for about a half an hour. You know, got some exercise. That's the equivalent of like 10 stories that she fell off.

So I always worry about that. I fell down the Empire State Building stairwell today. Do you really worry about that? Yeah, because on escalators, I'm always with my kids who like pull me back. Oh, right You know, I almost fell down the fucking stairs because my kid was pulling me and I'm like dude This is gonna happen to us like you're gonna pull me back and I'm gonna fall down the escalator and it'll suck me up under The things and then I'll be gone forever. Yeah, there's a lot that can go wrong. Yeah with an escalator

That was that was so good. That was incredible entertainment though. It sucks, you know, you sit down and you're right and you're right and you're right, but how can you top that? I know. A 70 year old woman just continuously falling. What if you live your whole life and you're a great person,

you've done all these things, you've raised a family, and then like, this is your moment. This is your moment. This is your viral moment. You're old, you're out of touch, you don't even know how to do an escalator. Her grandkids love this, by the way. They're for sure like, you might watch that thing again, granny.

Can I see the beginning, the genesis of the fall? Yeah, sure. Like, how does it start? She's doing great. No, but she's holding on really. And she's leaning back, see? She's leaning back. Tight and weird. she's leaning back. Yeah, she's leaning back. That's the problem Yeah, she's leaning that hurt right there that was really fun. That's the problem. She hurt herself fucked up right there

She's like well at least that's over It's so slow Oh someone is filming this yeah, I went sideways like it looks fixed. Yeah, you're right See how it went sideways? Like... I think you might... But it looks fixed. Yeah, you're right. Oh, you can see the time code.

She's like, I'm almost out. I'm almost out. Oh, damn. Well, it's the guy in the security room who's watching it having a good time. He's like... He's like eating a sandwich. She's just like... She's like, I can...

He's like, should I press the button to stop it? Roy, you gotta check this out, man. Look at her. Oh, she's... Dude, she's fucked up. She's onto something there. Bob, just get right side up. You're there, you got it, you got it, you got it, you got it. Oh that one right there. Let go

of the purse. Lose the purse. That's the problem, she was trying to hold the purse. And then what's your reward? You get to go to Target after this? We think the head's got to be fucked up. It's the head first. Everything, yeah, that's the most important. She fell on her neck probably and that stunned her and then it was like she's disoriented, but then, yeah. She wouldn't. Doesn't part of you wanna just go, are you stupid?

Yes, she is stupid, yeah. You don't know how to fucking ride this thing? She's missing some serious instincts that it requires to be a human being. Yeah, how does she, how does she? Cause theoretically it's easier than shares. The way that she got on too, tells me that's like, is this your first escalator ride?

Not both hands and she's leaning back. She's holding onto it like this. Yeah. Like that's not. She's leaning back. Yeah, she's leaning back, yeah. That's stupid. I had no idea, you know,

this type of thing needs instructions, but clearly some people could take a class. She deserves this is what you're saying. That's what I'm trying to say, yeah. you know, this type of thing needs instructions, but clearly some people could take a class. She deserves this is what you're saying. That's what I'm trying to say, yeah. Oh shit, this stuff. You see the guy in the foreground? On the left here? Yeah.

Watch his body. Watch the way he reacts to that. Yeah. Watch his body. Watch the way he reacts to that. He's like... I mean, all those bones are broken, right? Yeah. That's paralyzed. You're back.

I mean, it's your back, you know? You're done. It's strong, but... You're done. That's how you do it. That's how you do it. Well, that's how you quit gymnastics. That's how you quit.

Yeah, right. Force quit. Right. No, you're done. But you have to quit gymnastics pretty you quit. Yeah, right. Force quit. Right. Now you're done. What, you have to quit gymnastics pretty early anyway. Oh shit. Let me guess, animals gonna run in? I feel like an animal's coming.

Oh! She's okay. Are we watching a terrorist attack right now? Yes, I'm saying. Is this Hamas or whatever? She just had a leaky gas line, I think. Oh, okay. This is terrible. Oh, ha ha ha ha. watching a terrorist attack right now? Is this Hamas or whatever? She just had a leaky gas line I think. Oh okay. This is terrible.

Ha ha ha ha. Tom, you got real mental problems. You guys are fucked at that. That's terrible. Well, you know what? You gotta get your gas lines checked. That's what this whole episode's been about. You guys gotta pay attention to how your gas lines are lined up. Details at

fullcharge.com. Is anybody laughing at that clip? I believe Josh did. Well that counts for something. That's like a percentage here. He liked it. Serious percentage here. Alright, that was, I mean, just one more time.

No! No! We can't leave on this. I make all this dinner for my family. Can we watch the pee video again? Yeah, I mean you can't leave the audience on a woman getting blown up in her own kitchen. She's fine. She got up. This is not fine, babe. I can't leave the show on this.

If it starts with Hitler, it ends with terrorism. Yeah, this episode is so dark. Where are we? Let me find you something. To all the other countries that wonder and say that Americans are just fat and lazy and they don't do anything to better themselves. This is what a hundred and fifteen dollars get you. Let me show you. We were able to get some Ritz crackers one thing is cereal some ramen more ramen Tuna bag of potatoes super inspiring hot owes some snacks desserts. No, those aren't snacks of chips Funyuns Fritos pizza some sausage biscuits one thing of dr. Pepper

one thing all of this for One thing. All of this for $115. I can get a crack rock for $50. Am I supposed to buy it? Am I inclined to buy it? She's like, this is why we're fat? Yeah. That's her point.

She says it's too easy to be fat, so you got to be fat. It's a compelling argument. It is a good argument. It's so easy. And $113 is still kind of a lot for all that shitty food. Yeah. None of it even look good. No, she's picking the wrong things.

Yeah. Where's your puffy Cheetos? Where's the cheese puffs? Everyone has different preferences. Pop tarts. I would get tarts. You'll like this. I got them on my plate.

Where's your thing of diet coke? This will make you happy on the way. Dr. Pepper, I like. Here we go you can't wait for me to go to work because I Need my meat time. What is that meat time me? What does that mean? No, I don't know yeah, you should know tell me I don't know You thought this would cheer me up? Oh, are you jacking off?

Ma! Oh fuck. Yeah. That's his mom. I wonder if he keeps the crucifix necklace on Oh, he jerks it. Babe, that did not cheer me up. Why? It's cute. I thought it was light, cute, fun Everybody wins. She has a job. He gets to jerk off. Yeah, a happy ending how do you know like that how do you know like that makes the American dream possible we will fight hard fight hard for the freedom to vote damn it I got a vote for this guy. Make sure you go see Matt Fulcher on the Full Charge on the Bro Adjacent Tour. Tickets are at thefullcharge.com. Of course we also let you know that YMH Live is back on Friday, March 7 at 7.30 PM Central Time.

It's our biggest YMH Live yet. Special guest Dan Soder is joining us and there's a $10,000 giveaway. Go to YMHstudios.com for more information and get your tickets. And fart hard. And fart hard. This nation will never not fart hard for our freedom. That's it. Thank you Matt for coming. Thanks Matt. Guys, thank you so much. Always great to see you.

Always great to see you. Thanks for having me. You guys are the best. Let's find that car that hit me. All right, we'll see you guys later. Bye bye. So much to do. So much. Do we have any Asians in here? I know I'm white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, I I know I'm white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, Fuck you!