Your Stupid Opinions - A Predictable Poisoning, Rocky Mountain Spotted Anger, Freezing Cold Poop Water

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

More of the funniest reviews on the internet! We read reviews for a mexican food restaurant, where the paramedics are not surprised when you call them, after eating there. A water park, where the water may be freezing, and there is plenty of poop. A Walgreens location, where the employees apparently take great joy in telling you that they can't help, even if you have a disease that we've never heard of & much more!!   Join comedians James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section!   Subscribe, and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!! Dont forget to rate & review!!   Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for merch & more Check out James & Jimmie's other podcasts, Small Town Murder & Crime In Sports on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!!

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to your stupid opinions. Hey! Here we are. We have made it. We're back with more of people's complaints, people who you'd never want to meet going places that you might not even want to go. But you know what? That's what makes it so entertaining. We all like to hear other people's bullshit.

And if they've had a terrible time, it kind of makes your time feel a little better. You know what I mean? Certainly. Yeah. So let's get started. Before we do, though, shut up and give me murder.com is our website. That's where you get all of your merchandise, everything like that. Tickets for Small Town Murder Live shows and everything like that. And next year, probably have a couple more of your stupid opinions live shows. Hey, I hope so. Because that was just a huge success. A hoot. Great show. It's sold out. We can't beat it. So, yeah, probably next year. A little bit more of that. So here we go. Let's dive right in here. We are going, as a matter of fact, to. one of the places that we did for the live show. We're going to do that here. We're going to Filipperto's. Yeah.

Mexican food. Now, if you are from... Staple. If you're from Arizona, you know if Filipperno's is an absolute Phoenix staple. It's the two in the morning. I'm drunk. A carneasada burrito sounds amazing right now. Rolled tacos sound fucking awesome right now.

That's nice, too. But it's also a nice go-to, get a couple of tacos on your way home. Oh, good shit. From volleyball practice. My daughter loves it. I love filiburto's. It's phenomenal. It's, uh, you know, it's not the greatest food in the world. It's a drive-through fast food. It's Mexican fast food. Yeah, about half the time it will liquefy the inside of your body. Yeah. Yeah. It's worth it. I don't care. I just make sure. For no, no, no. When I'm in Phoenix, I'm like, okay, I have nothing to do tonight. I'm doing, blah, blah, I'm having filiburdo's.

If I'm just completely in the bathroom the rest of the night, fine. It was worth it. I don't care. I want a fucking carni and sada burrito. I can't emphasize how unknown reasons. Unknown reasons. One time it's going to be amazing. Yeah.

No problems. No problems. The next time, it'll look, smell, taste everything the same. You will be sick as a dog. And you have to also understand that the filiburto's is, that's the main one. Then there's a bunch of like knockoff. of a Roll Berto's and a Jose Bertoes and all the Bertoes. There's tons of those.

Arabertoes, Roll Berto's, tons of those. This particular Philiburtoes is at 15602 North 35th Avenue in Phoenix. And this has 3.6 stars on Google out of 1,090 reviews, which is quite a bit. And there might be a few reviews in here, a couple stuck in from another location downtown a little bit more that I put in for the live show. So here we go. Let's start out five stars from Martha. This place is amazing, exclamation point.

Yeah, she had a good one. Either that or she wrote this. She didn't give it like a half hour. She ate it and was like, that was great. She'll have an edit to this later on. I don't think I've ever had a bad order from here. Wow, you are the luckiest person ever. Play the lottery, sweetheart, because that is incredible.

The other thing is their guacamole is weird. I don't like guacamole anyway, so I never have it. That's why I never get it here because it's very smooth. Yeah, I'm not eating, I'm not eating like pasty green shit ever. Yeah. That's disgusting. No, thank you. It's smooth and like thin?

That's weird. I don't want to, yeah, that sounds gross. That sounds like it would be grosser, a grosser kind of guac here. I was going to the one across the street until the meat started to taste like rubber, so I switched it up and I am forever grateful. I did. This place is super clean. Uh, okay. No, it's not.

And has a chip and salsa bar. The best. All right. They gave the... Although those carrots and jalapinos are fucking rad. Oh, those are good, yeah. They gave the atmosphere a five here, which I think is hilarious. They gave food service an atmosphere a five.

It's a defunct some other business, too. You've never seen... It's an old... Yeah. You've never seen a brand new built, Philiburta. No, no, no. It's never existed. When a fast food joint leave, you know, it's never existed.

somewhere, you can be assured a Filippeus will fill the spot. It doesn't matter. Carl's Jr. closed down. What a burger no longer around? Guess what? Filippernos. It'll be there. Filipperno's is about to have a Wendy's A. Trio. Rallies closed down. Like 30 second in Greenway that turned into one of those, like a

Badoes or some shit. Matthew one star. I went to this location a total of two times, but after my second visit, I will all caps never go again. Oh, that's right. Two. The cook who made my Karnia Sada burrito was this heavy set Mexican dude. And I got to tell you, it was the nastiest burrito ever.

Wow. Usually that's going to be a really good burrito. It's a good sign. Heavy set Mexican dude? That guy knows his burritos. Like, I ate half of it and couldn't do it anymore. My first time there, a skinny Mexican dude who took my order both times made my burrito the first time there, and it was bomb. But like what?

I can't do it anymore. But like what the hell they need to fire this cook or something because he's scaring away the customers. Oh, he's scaring them. He's scaring him. Oh, boy. Because he's fat, apparently. Yeah. Maybe he was the skinny guy, but he worked here a while and now he's the fat guy.

We don't know. Give it a few months of work in there. You're going to put on some weight. You'll pack it on. My only hope is that the manager sees this comment and tells the cook, tells him what, stop being so fat and gross. We got to a gym brunt. He needs to go to cooking school or something. Well, then he wouldn't be working at Filipperdos.

Now, would he? Right. Yeah. Because not that it matters that they lost one customer, but how many other people have had the same experience is the question. And just to clarify, this was on Friday, July 13th, between 6 a.m. and 6.30 a.m. This motherfucker was eating carnage asada burritos at 6.15 in the morning. That's your problem, dude. Yeah.

Ratatooie's gone. No shit food at this time. As much as I would love to eat a carneasada burrito at 6 in the morning, I know that is not okay for me. I don't have the balls. I know that's not good for me. Well, sometimes I'm still up at that point. So I want to eat it and then like go to bed. But I know that's not good or smart.

No, you're going to wake up. And I won't do it. Your body's not even going to tell you you've got a shit. No, no. You're just going to wake up in a puddle of your own shit. And I mean a puddle, not a pile, by the way. You're going to wake up in a lot of guacamole. Nope, but don't eat it.

So that's the one thing I won't wake up in. But it'll be the consistency of the guacamole. Yeah, you're going to wake up in shit that looks like they're guacamole. Jose, one star. Yeah. Guy had his hands down his pants making people's food. That's a good sign. No, he probably didn't, right?

He said hands. How do you make food with both hands in your pants? He's got big balls, man. That's impressive, man. Wow. Girl working the register had the cook. ring up orders because she didn't know how. Unsanitary and very rude service.

Negative five stars. Yeah. Not even zero stars. They got to do it perfect to get to zero now. No shit. Yeah, one perfect visit. They're still barely getting back to even here. Letessa one star.

I went there and I purchased two cornea sada burritos or two cornea sada tacos, cornea as opposed to. Oh, Vanessa, you're so white. More common carnious. I know Lettessa is black, actually. Oh, Latessa. Letessa. Yeah.

Vanessa. No, no. Two corny, and that's, I mean, there's an E. It's C-A-R-N-E, not C-R-N-Y. It's not an English word. Corny Asada. And I like Asada as a capital A. Corny Asada tacos with no pico de Gallo, by the way.

I'm putting it that way. Yeah, that's how she said it. Yeah. Guacamole. sour cream and cheese and a large orchata, which is disgusting. You don't like those? No. For the price I paid, absolutely not.

That's disgusting. There's jizzing those things, man. I'm not eating drinking that shit. That's the grossest one I've ever seen. If you don't know what it is, it's like cinnamon rice water. That also I'm allergic to cinnamon. I think maybe that's why I made it. I think I had it once and I was like, ah, and that's why because I'm allergic to sydeme.

Yeah, it's a, it's a cinnamon spice rice water. It's a fascinating drink, but it's a texture is real. It's like gatorade texture. Yeah. Looks like jizz. Yeah. It looks like real thin coffee. Very jizzy.

It's their guacamole equivalent of jizz. Yeah. It's gross. For the price I paid, I felt the Porsche size was not equal amount. The Porsche size. Porsche, capital P. Yeah. Trade name of the car, Porsche.

I felt the Porsche. Sasha size was not equal amount. Oh, she thinks. Portion is what she's going. That's how you spell portion. Yeah, portion. Oh, Latasha? The Latessa.

Latessa. You cannot get this Brod's name right. No. Vanessa Latasha. She doesn't deserve it. Wow. I'm surprised she can spell her name. She can't spell anything else.

Corny Asada. It looked like they took one taco and split it between the two. They gave me a lot of guacamole. That's spelled right. a lot of sour cream and very little cheese. I was unsatisfied and the food was very salty. I will not be going there ever again because there's no point if I'm paying $20 for a meal that's only worth $10. I should have bought it and made it for myself.

Sounds like you solved your problem then. Go cook. Stay home. Sea bass one star. Oh boy. If I could give this location no stars, I wouldn't think twice. I wouldn't think twice. Yeah.

I am a bit worried. I'm, oh, I always am a bit worried being a middle-aged gringo going to Filipperdos. Why would that worry you? That's most of their clientele. It's Phoenix. Yeah, it's probably because he says negative things about Mexicans and he thinks that they know.

He says it loud out the car window when he's been drive-thrues and he doesn't understand how it works. For some reason, that for some reason I might run into a an angry Hispanic cook that doesn't like middle-aged gringoes. Okay. Okay. You're projecting, sir. Yeah, don't know if that was the reason.

But the rolled tacos so awesome only a week earlier, we're now undercooked, disgusting, raw with runny guacamole. There you go. There it is. I took one bite, walked out, throwing the food where it should have been served, the trash. Right. Yeah. Going across the street to Circle K, I learned that it's... What? I learned that it's common at this location to have absolute crap quality food.

He went over and did a survey at the Circle K across the street. You ever been to that place? Sucks right. A little man on the street gig here. Sarah one star. We spent $60 for three people. Well, try going to Taco Bell. Guess what's going to be, $60 for three people. I guess, well, you know, and I'll say this too, their prices have increased dramatically. So we were talking about it a couple weeks ago, how crazy is... It's absurd. Oh, Filipperto's. I'm talking about Taco Bell or whatever.

No, Philiburto's has gone up tremendous. At least this, I don't know, this feels like better food than Taco Bell, though. It is. Yeah. And it's also much bigger portions. Order a bean burrito from Taco Bell. Then order a bean burrito from here. There's the same price.

Yeah. And this thing's like two fucking pounds. And it's full of lard. You'll be full. Trust me. It's packed with lard. Like the carni asada burritos, a shitload of meat in there. That's a lot of fucking meat, you know?

I got it when I'm out there all the time. So they're like $8 to $12 somewhere in there. And McDonald's is, we talked about this too. McDonald's is out of control. There is no earthly reason to go to McDonald's anymore. No. No. Expensive, terrible food.

It's terrible. Well, just to let you know, the other day we got a large drink, a medium shake, and two fries, and it was over $17. We're like, okay, you can't have a business like this. Who the fuck is going here? It's dumb. Yeah. All right. Okay, $60 for three people.

They have a lady who got off work sitting in the lobby with her shoes off and then all caps, bare feet. Yeah. Bare feet. And there's a picture of the lady just sitting there with her shoes down and got her legs crossed with her feet or not. I'd be more terrified if she took her shoes off. There were more shoes underneath. Yeah, just other people's shoes. Yeah.

They did not get our order right and refused to fix the issue. Guess the money spent here can be spent somewhere else. Well, there you go. Enjoy. Okay, Omar, here we go. One star. Hi, everyone. Hi, Omar.

How are you doing? I wish I can leave less than one star to this location. Well, that's not quite how we do it here, but that's fine. Two weeks ago, I went to the drive-thru and order a carni-asada burrito, spelled correctly, by the way. Nice. The worst decision I ever made. Ever? Ever.

40 minutes after I ate, I started feeling a lot of pain. my stomach. Yeah, that's the Philiburdo's 40. That's what that's called. Philly's 40. That's Fulberto's indigestion. Yeah, that's how that goes. So I took some Pepto wishing the pain go away. The English is not this man's first language. That's also

fun. I was suffering that pain for at least five hours. But the pain was so bad that I couldn't handle it no more. So I decided to call 911. 911. 911. I need an ambulance to

I need people with their sirens on. That's how bad my stomach hurts. Lights and sirens, guys. I hate it, Philippinez. Holy. And if every, wow, okay. The next line says a lot. But if everybody in Phoenix that had this called the ambulance,

that's all that would be on the streets of Phoenix would be. Ambulances everywhere. Lights and sirens. And they told me I got food poison because I ate at Filipperto's. We see this a lot. They said, we see this plenty. Oh, yeah. You've been diagnosed with post-Philippees.

Post-Philippe's syndrome. That's PFS is for short there. Gotta watch out for that. That's funny. They gave me some medicine that helps me to relief the pain. It took a couple of relief the pain. It took a couple hours to reduce the pain. I miss work for two days.

Because the diarrhea and vomiting I still had was really bad. Holy Jesus Christ. 48 hours of both ends. Wow. I called to the store trying to reach the owner. They don't exist. It's a front. It's a ghost ship.

Like we've talked about the ghost ship Waffle House. These filiburals are a ghost ship. We don't know who does the ordering. We don't know how meat shows up. I don't know how they run. but they just happen right. I've been to several Philberto's several times. There's never the same staff, let alone an owner.

There's no owner there. No, I don't know what's going on there. These are just people that are being trafficked. These are coyotes run these places. That's all it is. Allegedly, in our comic opinion. In my education, I don't know. That's what we've heard.

People are saying things. I don't know. People are saying it all over the place. I mean, you never know. That's all I have ever heard. I called to say, wow. When I talked to him, he got a hold of the owner. He don't even apologize.

No. He seems like he doesn't. You found Mr. Filipperto? He found Filiberto. He found him. He found the man. He doesn't even, don't even apologize. He seems like he doesn't care at all.

He just told me he can give me another burrito for free. Can I dose you again? I got covered. How about another one? I was like, of course not. I'm not going to eat at this place. Never, all caps. The most important thing here is before I talk to the owner,

I had a talk with three different employees, and for some reason they have the trust who told me that there's a guy in the kitchen that he don't even wash his hands and he don't like to wash the dishes. So he keep using them like that. They have the trust to told me. They have the trust to told me. So he's just reusing old meat dishes, apparently.

Honestly, I hope that the Maricopa County Health Department can see this review and do a visit to this store because I'm sure there's a lot of bad things going on in there. I hope this review can help you all decide to not eat at this location. All right. Well, here's the thing about the Maricopa health grading system. This place has been told several times. I mean, it's been on the news that they're a dirty dining list. You just roll the dice. This is what this is.

This is a dice roll. No. Yeah. And there's certain ones that are much better than others, and you know not to go to this one, but then this one's a little better. Certain ones have better standards. You know, you get it after a while. It's not good. If you're new to Phoenix, give it five years, and you'll know which ones make you sick and which ones are good.

Yeah, and you're taking your life in your own hands. Oh, yeah. It's the way it goes. But if you want good Mexican food, you have to dig for it. Or you settle. One or the other. Or you're getting shit. That's it.

Yeah. Maria one star, only gave a star because I had to. This establishment sucks. I love when it sucks. I love when it just sucks. That's just, I don't even have words for it. Just sucks. Oh, no, let me rephrase that.

Their workers suck. Since looking for a cell phone they misplaced is more important than tending to their clients. No salsa was available. Come on now. Get it together or look for a different job. There's no salsa, but you're not. looking for fucking phones. Maurice, one star.

I really love this review. This is one of my favorite reviews of all time. One star. The woman working the counter is very beautiful and has great customer service, but the cook tried to kill me. Poisoned him? Poisoned him. My first order was a carnitas burrito, and it was the nastiest burrito I tasted in my life.

Then I asked for them to exchange it for Carni Asada burrito, and that isn't good either. I will never go back to this location, and that's so unfortunate because I wanted to ask the woman working the counter to marry me. He gave food. He'd stop flirting. He probably wouldn't poison your food. He gave food one out of five, service three out of five. You know, she's hot, but, you know, not doing so great there. Lisa, one star.

Horrible. All caps, five exclamation points. Okay. My BFF and I both order. shredded beef tacos. They just heard you say BFF and poisoned you on purpose, I think. Her taco shells were so stale

that she was barely able to take a bite out of it. They gave me chicken tacos, which seems to be the crunchy, which seemed to be the crunchy shells out of a box. No, that's not what they are there. What are you talking about? Those are so greasy.

They're deep pride for Christ's sake. So when you eat a bite of a taco, grease comes out of the end of it on this. It pours out. It's amazing. You know you got to squeeze it a little bit, that's all. Yeah. It's like a towel.

You got to wring it out before you go back and wipe the car down a little more. You can't just. It's like a New York slice of pizza. You drop the napkins on it or you suck through it. Or you fold it and let it drip. You fold it and pour it out. That's what you do. You should know that.

That's how it goes. I was so disappointed that I didn't take a picture. I asked for the tacos to be remade with soft corn tortillas. instead. The guy running the register was very rude and started speaking Spanish to the other two staff that were standing in the kitchen on their cell phones. Oh, not Spanish in Phoenix. My God.

Because that's what they speak. Because you're in a fucking Philiburdo's you idiot. That's, oh my God. In a border state. What do you expect? He told, if you go in there and everybody's speaking just perfect English, your food's going to suck. You know how bad your food's going to be? You want

Mexican food like that? You don't want that. No. You want to go get fucking Italian food from a blonde guy? No, you don't. Trust me. You don't want that. Okay. He told me to go sit down.

It was going to take a while. I responded, I will wait right here. I'll be in the way. Sir, the guy at the register said something to the two guys in Spanish again. They started making our tacos as I watched. The tacos were okay, thank you very much. Yeah. So one star, because you had to hear Spanish being Spanish.

in a fucking Mexican restaurant. And a guy told him to Sientate, and he didn't appreciate it. She didn't. That's a she on that one. All right. All right. Tyson, one star. Heavy set Mexican dude.

He's back again, everybody. Made the worst mini tacos ever. Tortilla was hard slash crunchy. Portion was little. Only came with one tortilla. First and last time I will ever go here. Filippeos lost my business. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. That's the other part about, uh, when you have other cultures food, do not expect American-sized portions. Understand that a Mexican taco is only like a street tacos are small. You get a bunch of them. Yeah, it's a four to six inch. Yeah, you get the best. You eat eight, ten of them.

That's what you do with the small ones. You can crush them. They're three, two, three bites. Two bites. Mash them in. Bang, bang. Yeah. If they're crunchy, they're a little bigger.

But you're not getting a fucking Chipotle barren. No, no, no, no. But the guy, like I said, a carding cider burrito is fucking big. It's heavy. Yeah. You could get someone in the head with it. They'd be like, ow, what the fuck did you do that for? Like, it's a formidable burrito.

Yeah, he threw it out your car window and hit somebody in the chest with it? You cause an accident. You'll break their chest plate. You will. If you're driving a good clip, yeah. I use it to take out mailboxes. That's what you do. You go out, bang, bang, knock them right down.

Yeah. Much better than a trash can or a bowling ball. For sure. Yeah. Just bang out the window like a baseball bat. Jamichael one star. This place looks dirty. I think there's mold on the ceiling and the bathroom looks messy and broken.

Yeah, it's a filiburto's. They don't have a station to change a baby. You're going to bring a baby in here? You're going to feed a baby? Philiburtoes. Also, if everything is dirty, I wonder what the kitchen looks like. You don't need to. Dirty.

That's what it looks like. Filthy. Also, in Arizona, it's... Change the babies. That's why. Dirty back there. Sorry, I don't interrupt you. It's so dry in Arizona.

What the fuck makes you think that's mold? Yeah. I don't know where they're getting mold from. Yeah, who knows what that is. That is not mold. What's worse than mold? That's what that is, whatever, yeah. Martinez, one star.

The super nachos look like super notchos. You dick face. I should have known. when the first car in front of me was arguing about their order. Yeah. Okay, a couple more here quickly. Whitney, one star. If I could give negative stars, I

would. She did it. Hi, Whitney, good job. Messed both my orders. Not even up. There's no up in there. Mest up. Messed both my orders. Shit right in the bag. They even went over my order twice and still got it wrong. We'll never go back. You give all Philiburto's

a bad name. Sullying the otherwise good name of Philberto's. Okay. Helen Maria, one star. Maria, drive-thru cashier, is rude and miserable. The food was very old, tasted like dog food. Yes, dog food I have tasted.

This bitch eats dog food, and she's complaining about this. Yeah, take it easy, Purina. If you're willing to eat fucking O'Roy, you can just stomach some goddamn fellow burghs. Calm down, Alpo Mama. Chill the fuck out, okay? What are you eating? Unbelievable.

She says, and it's very similar. Dog food and this. If you pour water in it, it makes gravy. It makes gravy. Hey, everybody, just going to take a quick break from the show and tell you a better way to take care of your money with Cash App. The Cash App. Absolutely. Now, Jimmy, your kids are always on Cash App.

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laughing. All right. So let's leave Filipperdos. Leaving Filipperdos, we are going to need to pick up some things. You know, like some things that'll help our stomach so we don't have to call 911. We got to stop at Walgreens. They have all the stuff we're going to need. We've got to go down that aisle

of stomach shit here. We're going to Walgreens. This is in 519 South Main Street, Stillwater, Oklahoma. All right. Go to the middle of the country. 2.9 stars. What? I don't know how you even get that at a Walgreens. How do they get that?

How does that as possible? I guess you don't have the meds that they need that many times? And like this one, it seems like people are dicks here also. And if you don't know what Walgreens is, I don't know, you must not. If you don't live in America, I'll read what that is. Drugstore chain with health and beauty aids, prescriptions and photo services plus mini-mart basics. A fucking, you know, store like that. All right. Kathy, five stars. I love this pharmacist.

Okay. A doctor who gave me a vaccine shot, very nice, sweet, gentle, kindness, wonderful doctor. Wow. Just as many adjectives as you can throw out there. She is a beautiful golden long hair. What is she? A lab? What are she? A long hair? A beautiful golden long hair. She's a lab, this broad. What's going on? Yeah. Sweet and very kindness. Very wonderful that I have a wonderful shot service from her today. Thank you so much, Doctor. That is definitely not an American person.

No. Stillwater. Stillwater, Oklahoma. Wow. Danica five stars. They're, T-H-E-R-E, great. Yeah. They're great.

See over there? Yeah. It's great. Feels like the way Danica Patrick would spell. Yeah, they're great. She can't turn left. Shelly, two stars. Horrible service.

Okay. Daughter had to go 12 hours longer with rocky spotted mountain fever. What the fuck is that? Rocky spotted mountain? Rocky spotted mountain fever. That sounds horrible. What is that? Jesus.

I don't think that's a reason. Rocky spotted mountain. All caps to begin the words. Rocky spotted mountain fever. I'm Googling. Is it spotted Rocky Mountain fever? Rocky Mountain spotted fever. Well, there you go.

That sounds even weirder. Oh, it's because you let your daughter roll around in long grass and she was bitten by fucking ticks. Oh, well, there you go. It's rickets, James. Oh, you give your kid rickets. Perfect. Well, because they couldn't get, I like how they have like a colloquially fucking phrase, you know, brought up phrase. because it's maybe the Rocky Mountain spotted, you know.

Rocky spotted mountain. What is it? Is it just a Rocky spotted mountain? Rocky spotted mountain fever. I like that better. Anyway, she had to go 12 hours longer because they couldn't get her prescription filled in a timely manner. Furious. I will never do business with again.

Well, don't let your kid play with ticks, you dips shit. Yeah, that's, what are you doing? wipe them off at the end of the night. There was a spotted fever. wasn't there? I mean, I'm sure. It sounds. I think it was, I think there was a spotted fever of like, it was like a bad, it's a virus.

Whereas this is just a bacteria that you fucking get from a tick. Everything that's like a joke, they run at Rocky Mountain in front of it. Yeah, yeah, balls that you eat, things like the, yeah. Just run Rocky Mountain. It makes it sound like, well, it's exotic. It's from the Rocky Mountains, you know. It's just, it's just funny. It's hilarious.

What do you got Rocky Mountain erectile? dysfunction. Rocky Mountain. It's only when your dick only gets hard for dudes. Rocky Mountain Limp Dick, what you got there? All right. Jacqueline one star, Jacqueline. Love the store, but hate the design of the new shopping carts.

What? They will constantly hit your shins as you push them while walking through the store. They must have... Baby, take smaller steps. Yeah, they must have like a bar that comes out. Maybe. I don't know. Push that thing in front.

of you. What are you doing? Yeah, that's hard if you have long legs, too. It's tough. My shins have multiple bruises from this one short single trip I made to Walgreens. And then there's a picture of her shin just all dinged up. She's got lumps all over. She's full of lumps, man. The shit is crazy. She's full of lumps. But I think she deserves it because you can see her foot in this picture, too. and she's one of these people that wears sneakers but doesn't put them on all the way, just has the heel like bent down as she walks down the back?

Yeah, like makes it a slipper out of a sneaker. I don't trust anybody who does that. If you don't have the wherewithal to just put your little finger down there and pull the back up, imagine the shortcuts you take in the rest of your life. Also, baby, they sell shoes

that don't have the back. Buy some crocs. Buy those. Yeah. Medell, one star. I usually have good experiences at Walgreens, but today was very disappointing. Uh-oh.

My doctor had already sent my prescription, but when I asked the staff to check again, I was met with an unprofessional and dismissive attitude. Instead of helping, the response was rude and not patient-friendly. I hope the management reviews this issue and ensures better customer service in the future. All right. This is fun.

Alexander One Star. Usually the staff here is great, but there's nothing worse than getting to the register, and the employee just stares at it. you without saying a word. Makes it sound like they don't even ring up the transaction. They just stare at you, slack jawed the whole time. And you're like, well, I guess never mind.

You put your shit down and walk out. And I guess I can't buy that. I do love that attitude from a from a cashier when it's like they, I walked up to them and they're like, yeah. What do you mean? You're wearing a name tag, motherfucker. You know what the deal is. What do you think I'm here for?

What do you think I'm here for? Decorating advice? What do you think? what new couch should I get? Should I get something that matches my wall, fucking my window treatments or what? What do I do? Yeah.

I was thinking of retrimming my house. What do you think? Four or six inch? Bring up my shit, fuck. That's what I'm asking for, stupid, obviously. What are you talking about? Oh, man. A gives one star the most unprofessional pharmacy.

Prepare yourself to be talked over. Observe irrelevant side conversations while nobody makes eye contact with you and texts that have an inability to hide the glee in their eyes slash voice when they tell you they can't help you. They're jacked about it. Yeah, can't help you. Fucker and then they point in your face. Yeah. Can I get some calumaitos?

We're all out. We're all out, bitch. You want to call itchy bitch. Fuck you. Hey, there's a chick with rocky spotted mountain fever over there. You guys go hang out together. You're both the itchy. Just snuggle with that top twine.

Oh, man. Here we go. Jay Bird, one star. This person is pissed. Absolute joke of a pharmacy. It's a joke. It's a joke. They now close at 6, so good luck if you have a job that requires more than bankers' hours.

Like, that's their fault that you can't get out of work a half hour earlier. Or go on your lunch. Yeah, there's other ways around it, I bet. There's other pharmacies that you get to work. I bet they're open before you get to work. I bet they're open before you get to work. work too if you have to work that late. That's the other thing. So you could get up a little earlier and fucking make your little way down to Walgreens. If you're lucky enough to find yourself in the

store during pharmacy hours, they're open till six. They're not open from fucking 11 to 1 or something. They're open until 6 p.m. That's fine. Have your prescription filled, show up on your day off, and pick up your fucking prescription. Yeah, it shouldn't take that long. Don't expect any type of help from behind the counter. You're greeted with a look of slack-jawed surprise, if you dare say anything other than I have a prescription to pick up. Okay. Then they're jacked when they can't help you.

Yeah, they're thrilled about it. Shanna, one star, Walgreens isn't calling my insurance to clear a medication on multiple occasions and saying they have am constantly having to buy. A three-day supply out of pocket every three months, I believe they either don't know what they're doing or they are personally judging me and my medication. What the fuck are you on? She's got some vall tracks. I say, what are you on?

Is it that? Is it that they don't like, what the fuck are you on? She's embarrassed to herpes. That's what it is. It may be. Is it that or is it like does she, I'm trying to think of what would be judged. High cholesterol meds? It's still water Oklahoma.

Is she getting birth control pills? Right. Yeah. Because they're weird there about shit like that. Yeah. James, one star. I was asked for my ID. Okay.

Okay. I don't have one. Oh. It was lost. It's in the mail. Is it lost from the mail? Well, then you can't buy 20 cartons of Sudafed. Yeah, I don't know what you're doing here.

I have my debit card. A receipt from the dentist I was at 15 minutes prior and two people with me verifying my identity. I have references. See this guy you've never met? He's going to tell you who I am. It's fine, right? That should be fine. Now give me all the oxycodone.

Yeah, give me all my oxies. It's not like fucking, it's not like they were, oh my God, Jesus Christ, I can't. He's looking for percocets

and painkillers from the dentist. And he's like, it's not like two people at the store knew him. He brought in friends of his and was like, they know me.

Right. Like that mattered. I just left the dentist. You know many times I've heard that story today? Yeah, lots of times. I'll put it this way.

The boy who said you needed an ID. Oh, boy. The boy for Tylenol is going to need a lot more than that after I'm done with him. What? He's going to murder a boy, apparently. Over not giving him Tylenol three. Over not getting your codeine. Yeah.

It doesn't work anyway, so who cares? That coating sucks. I got my wisdom teeth out. They gave me that. It made me so hyper. I was doing circles in my driveway. At midnight, I walked down to the creek and through the woods in my yard. There's animals and shit.

I didn't even care. I had like a tiny flashlight. From one pro to another, James, take those and then take two shots of whiskey. Oh, well, that might have worked. Yeah. It'll work. I didn't do that. Here we go.

Justice, one star. Went in for a hair growth serum and got a 10-minute talking to about why she felt I shouldn't be using it. Okay. Buy a system, do. And it's a lady. Oh, she's got thin hair. Yeah, yeah. And how she felt I should be using Bio10 instead when I only asked for directions to the product.

And I wasn't asking, is this a good thing? She was like, let me tell you what to do. How do I use this? Don't. Yeah. Didn't buy the product there. We'll be buying it at Alta instead. It's a $50 product.

Okay. It's not about the sale at that point. The lady doesn't believe in it. And the difference between Walgreens pharmacy versus the ladies at Alta, the ladies at Alta just are moving, they don't give a fuck. Whatever's on the shelves are great stuff. Right. The lady at Walgreens is going to tell you the health benefits or drawbacks to it. Pharmacists know everything about everything.

Like, pharmacists are, they are so smart. They really know a lot of shit. Like, they know everything. They literally look at a name of a pill and tell you, how to know. how to take it and what not to take with it. Yeah, they know it all. They know everything. It's crazy.

Side effects. Yeah. They know the whole thing. It's crazy. It's crazy. Really, really knowledgeable. That's why they make a shit photo. Yeah.

They also sometimes have their own, let their own opinions get into a shit that they shouldn't. That's the other problem, though. So. Yeah. Just give me the facts. Just the facts, ma'am. Yeah.

No. It's like drag net. Yep. That's one thing I get. Like, anybody going to any type of medical school or pharmacy school, first question is how much how much religion are you into that's too much application denied fuck off you can't you can't do this and that you can't be a science person and like a fundamentalist lunatic religious person i don't say anything you believe in god or whatever but you know is it like jury duty where they go

will that influence your decision on how to yes exactly will that influence your decision exactly well that would be yeah jury duty they should also say how much CSI do you watch too much goodbye That influenced your decision. Probably. Was there any DNA? Yeah. Journey, one star. Went in to use the bathroom.

Nearly blue chunks by the nazy smell of it. I think she means nasty. Nasty smell of it. Nearly blue chunks. Yeah, I nearly threw up. All right. The bathroom, women's, in all, in parentheses, and all caps, was not clean by any means whatsoever.

There was trash on the floor as well as toilet paper and some use. used, some used and some not. Ooh, used toilet paper. That's fun. Ew. This was by far the nastiest bathroom I've ever seen in my 26 years. That's why women always say their bathrooms are grosser, but I tend to disagree because, number one, I worked at a gas station, had to clean both. And I know which one was worse. And number two, listening to that, that wouldn't even rank in a top 50 worst bathroom I've ever been in for men.

There's bathrooms I've been in that don't have, they had like a whole, where the broken toilet was that people were aiming piss into. That's, yeah, come on. Yeah, I've, I've walked into bathrooms and stepped and the whole floor was water.

Just, all the, all of the fixtures were off. Just this. That's urine. That's urine. That's what I mean. Women,

it's gross or whatever, but women don't make it gross on purpose. Right. Things happen. Men are like, I'm going to piss on the floor and all over the wall. women don't do that. Apart from possibly

women wouldn't shit in a urinal because it's funny. Women don't have that gene. That's where I'm going. Apart from a mental health facility, nobody is writing with shit on the wall. Men do that.

They do that, yeah. It's great. I've seen shit next to the toilet. Oh yeah, right next to it. You've never seen that in a woman's restroom. It's never happened. And that would be like if it was, it was like not on purpose.

Right. It's because she hovered and just missed. This is a whole pile. Oh, the people will shit on purpose places. That's the thing. Absolutely. Women never think to use shit as an implement of any kind. As a weapon. Yeah. Of anything. That's what I mean. Men are like, I could take my shit and do this with it. Right. That thought. And also, men don't, women don't have the thought that crosses their head where wouldn't it be funny if I did this with my poop. That doesn't cross their mind. Whereas men are be like, it's hilarious. if I left a turd here. That'd be very funny. And credit to women because they often bring a friend with them, that's supervision to make sure she doesn't do that wild shit. Yeah, exactly, that too. Yeah, it's the buddy system.

They keep each other from shitting on things. Whereas a guy would be like, hey, bro, watch this. And they'd shit somewhere. And then they both laugh. Or he'll go in there, do that, go back to the table and be like, you're not going to believe what I saw in there. Yeah. You did it, you motherfucker.

You lousy bastard. Okay. Blaine, one star. I honestly cannot believe these people that work here are in control over medicine. I have never met more incompetent people in my life. All they've got to do is count. Yeah. Well, I mean, if you were a pharmacist and you went to that school, it's an expensive school, it takes a long time.

Would you move to Stillwater, Oklahoma to apply your trade? Or would you move to civilization? Well, the thing is, with Walgreens, too. What are they sending you places? Yeah. You'll start as like a pharmacy tech. They'll put you through school if you promise. to work there or whatever?

And sign a contract. And then you got to, I mean, if you want to live in L.A. one day or San Diego, you got to put in your time in fucking Stillwater, Oklahoma. Oh, that's rough, man. Jason, one star. Needed help. And unfortunately, I came across the rudest man ever named Mike. Is that where he is? I have to say, I don't know if he's the rudest man ever or just the rudest man ever named Mike.

Because there's no comma. So technically what he's saying is he's the rudest man. he's ever met whose name is Mike. That's really what he's saying here. He may have met a rude or one. His name was Fred, though. But then he adds another name in here. He was Kurt with me.

I get that that means of a way. He was Kurt with me. Mike was Kurt. That's fine. Rude man named Mike. He was Kurt with me. Yeah. People are like, hold on.

I'm very confused. Was he short with you or is his name, Kurt? Or is he the worst guy named Mike or the worst guy ever? I'm not sure. Was he wearing a name tag name that said Mike? And he said, I'm Kurt. How can I help? Yeah, we don't know.

He was Kurt with me. He was Mike with other people. He was Bill with another guy I saw. We don't know who he is with any customer. This is all very confusing. And told me my item was sold out and that it was, quote, not his problem. Oh. When I asked for a similar product or suggestions on other options I could use for my issue.

He said that. He said, not my problem. Later at the register, I learned he was a manager. I'm shocked that such a. that such a person is in management. I will shop at CBS from now on. Oh, that's amazing. He went to the front and said,

can I talk to a manager of that Mike back there? What did you say, Mike? That's our manager. That's Mike. He's a little Kurt. There he is. Get back there. Okay, everybody.

It's almost summer. Maybe that's how he found out his name's not Kurt. Yeah. When they called Mike. When they called Mike. I thought he was Kurt. Because he's a little Kurt, but his name's Mike. And they just go back and forth and around.

circles forever. Oh man. And this guy dies from whatever he needed a prescription for. That's how it works. I do ask that anybody in the medical field that's like that where you only see somebody for a blink, whether it be a pharmacy or an urgent care, I ask that you have the most patients and calm the fuck down. Yeah.

Because I almost, oh God, if I was a woman, I would have punched another woman at my, the urgent care down the road. when I asked, she told me that my pharmacy down the road. And I said, yeah. And then she said, okay, I'm going to send the prescription there. I was so sick, James. And I was like, okay, great. Is it ready now?

And she goes, I don't work there. And I was like, sorry. I'm so sick, lady. Yeah. I wanted to cough in her mouth. What a bitch she was to me. That's all I ask. If you're in that business, just be fine.

Just be chill for a minute. That should be part of it. Only, yeah. But the problem is people who are super empathetic and people who are like sciencey and the school and everything for going to a doctor, it's a certain personality that you have to have that normally that doesn't cross with the people who are like touchy-feely empathetic.

Right. It's a very rare combination of those two. You know what I mean? And they're probably real good at being sick where I'm real bad at it. Oh, yeah. So when I am sick, I'm just like, oh, I don't, I'm dying.

You don't understand. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm... She's like, sir, you have a sinus infection. Yeah, you don't get it. I'm dying. You don't know. I go for my won't. I won't admit to a being sick, no matter how sick I am, to, okay, fine, I'm dying.

I go right from that. I go right from one minute I'm not sick at all to, fine, I'm dying, okay? I'm not going to make it through the night. Fine. I'm very dramatic. I'll dig it myself. I'm very dramatic in both ways. Either, I'm totally fine, and I have like 102 fever.

I'm fine. And then I go from just, I'm going to die. Well, if I see any visual evidence that I'm sick, whether it be a test or a, or a fever taking or any number that proves this number's good, this number is you. Yeah. Then I'm like, great, now it's all over. There it is. I'm going to get my affairs in order.

It's right there in the numbers. Numbers don't lie, everybody. I'm going to die. There it is. I'm going to call my life insurance. Tell James it's over. I got some phone calls to make. I got to go now.

I get it all in order. All right. It's summertime. So what happens in summer? Water parks open. You bet. I was passing by a water park up here, the splashdown one that we did a review of last year. And it says, almost season.

And I was like, I got some water parks. Almost there. This is the island water park at showboat. Okay. And showboat? At showboat. Oh. Because it's the showboat casino because it's an 801 boardwalk in Atlantic City, New Jersey.

The grossest place there is. A water park in the Atlantic City. Imagine just ghetto Vegas and that's what fucking, yeah, it's bad. And then go get in that water. Yeah, it's terrible. And also Atlantic City now, it's like in the nation, it's like in the top three crime rates of anything. Most dangerous places. It's very dangerous Atlantic City.

It's a horrible place. Broken down casino town that's falling apart because the casinos are closing and not doing well. Shocking that that place would be horrible, right? Unbelievable. So this is a water park there, big old water. Park. Here is Dreia with five stars. Very excited about this water park. Look no

further for a quick or mini getaway for the kids. This is the place. I took my girls for a little mini vacation during winter break to Atlantic City. During winter break. What the fuck? It's got indoor shit here, this water park. We went from Thursday to Saturday.

The layout of the park works great for a family with several age groups. You can allow the older kids to explore the park without worrying about their location. There is a kids' cove for the little ones with a water slide and a three-foot pool. Each section has life jackets for all ages. There's also an adult island.

That's where the fucking goes on there. It's gross. They have slot machines too. Atlantic City Titty. Strippers and slot machines here. An adult island to enjoy a moment for yourself, complete with a swim-up bar. There are a few examples to, a few places to eat while. inside. The prices are a little high. For example, it's $5 for ice cream, $16 for chicken

fingers and fries, $9 for three churros. That's about what you're going to get at a place like that. Yeah, I didn't hear any crazy pricing. If you're in a place that you're not allowed to leave without having to pay again to get back in, they're going to get you good for food. $9 for three. That's three apiece. That's not bad. Those are usually five, six bucks at Disneyland. They're huge at Disneyland, too. They might be smaller here. fucking yard of a churro. Yeah. Also, it costs $112 to get in.

So, really, I mean, churros shouldn't be where they're making their money in that fucking place. Those should be 50 cents. Those should be fucking just giving them out. Just a guy. Hey, churros, everybody. There you go. handing them out.

Yeah. Take a fucking balloon while you're at it. Entry. Yeah, here's a churro. Now, if you stay at the showboat, your tickets are discounted. But then you have to stay at the gross-ass showboat, which is, you don't want to stay there. You got to stay.

That place is old. The showboat's been there since the fucking 70s. It's old. It's not a good one. Enjoy, you will not be disappointed with the island water park. I mean, I don't know if they fucking,

like, you know, renovated it. Yeah. And it's basically a lot of pictures of inside. Up on top, it's like, like that see-through roof with the scaffolding and shit.

Yeah. Not glass. I don't know. I don't know if it's glass or not. Maybe glass. I'm not sure. I can't tell. But it's like a lot of bars

with like fake palm trees. and shit like that. Okay. The island. Claudia, one star. I was super excited to come here as it was my idea to bring a group of family here. Oh, no. She dragged everybody here.

Oh, no. And it didn't go well. And everyone blamed her. She's embarrassed. Yep. It was a mistake, exclamation point. The water park is freezing five exclamation points. The warm.

Yeah. It's in the adult pool. And that's not even that warm. Everybody pee. That's what that is. pool up. Yeah. When the kids are cold, then you know the water is cold.

Yeah, kids don't give a fuck. Their lips will be blue and their cheat. They're chattering. Like, no, I'm fine. Ten more minutes. It's great. They don't give a fuck kids. They don't care.

Hypothermia is setting in. Ten more minutes. It's okay. When kids are called, you know, the water's cold. Half of the games in the hotel arcade don't work. They don't provide towels in the water park. It's was a big regret. rooms were decent but the but have plastic covers on the bed what?

Ew. Plastic covers. They're expecting you to either blow your brains out or piss the bed in there. One of the two. Does she mean rubber sheets? Because that's gross. Plastic covers on the bed. Yeah, if you lay down and you hear plastic when you move around, that's not a good place.

I'm leaving. I felt bad that I was the one who suggested for a weekend stay, definitely not working. Yeah, you fucked up everybody's weekend. Tiffany one star. This was the worst water park I'd ever been to. Oh. The I'd makes it sound like she's been to a worse one since. Right.

I took my son and his friends there to celebrate his ninth birthday. We had a terrible experience. Uh-oh. The water was freezing, and when we mentioned it to the staff, we were told there's nothing they can do. Yeah, we don't have a heater. Yeah, water's cold sometimes. I don't know what to tell you. The children were shivering, and of two of them, lips were turning blue.

Yeah, yeah, that's about right for kids. The overall temperature in the water park was breezy, not 80 degrees, as advertised. Everyone was kicked out of the water every 10 minutes by the staff. None of the attractions were working, so they were subjected to the lazy river only. And as I previously stated, they had to get out every 10 minutes. Yeah, because there was poop in there. There's, well, yeah, wait until you see the, wow. I previously stated they, or no, they claimed to have a power outage, which should have been communicated at the time of admission because I would have saved $702 and 72 that I paid for admission.

What? $7002 for this woman and nine and took my son and his friends. We don't know how many to celebrate the ninth birthday. $7002. That is wild. That's obscene. That's wild. This water park is not worth your time or money.

Go somewhere else. Do not waste your time. Hurricane Bay, I think it is in Phoenix that it's got it. It's a fucking six flags now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no way that place is more than $30 to get into it. No way. I don't know how many friends she took.

I mean, the whole class did she take is the whole fourth grade? $700? The whole fourth grade did she take? That's what I mean. I don't know. Wow. That's insane. Amalia, one star.

The water was freezing to the point everyone was uncomfortable, not nearly warm enough to be taking kids in the winter. Left to find a $78 ticket on my car. Now, there you go. To top it off, my family and my entire family got the flu two days later. We will never be back. That's Giardia. Yeah, that's, you got that. That's not great.

Amina, one star. This is the worst water park I've ever been to in my life. Ever. They have super tiny lockers for $10 to $15. Just about five slides in the whole park. I guess five slides to slide down. Those things are supposed to be like 50 cents, right? Or a dollar or whatever?

You put quarters in it? I mean, you take the key with you. It's a little crazy. That's steep. That's a little steep for a fog. Especially if it's $702 to get in with everybody. To get in, those should be free. Wow.

These slides aren't super exciting. Prices are too high. Stuff doesn't speak English. Stuff? Oh, staff, staff, staff. Oh. I'm like, stuff doesn't speak English. Stuff doesn't speak any language because it's stuff, you fucking idiot.

Stuff ain't talking. Stuff ain't saying shit. Staff doesn't speak English. Women's restrooms were dirty and there was no toilet paper. We spent here only two hours because there's nothing to do. All right. Wow, this next one is...

$700 for two hours. Wow, this is long. Holy shit. Calm down. Anna, one star. Hoof. First and last time coming to this park.

I drove three hours to have the worst experience ever. If you purchase tickets online, you still have to make a 30-minute to one hour long line to get your bracelets. So it's like we'll call, I guess, when you show up.

Very bad customer service. None of them have the same information to anything you ask. Small park. They keep closing down the kids pool and middle attractions for 30 minutes to an hour. No reason whatsoever. The reason is... You don't want to know. Poop, yes.

Extremely long lines to order food. You have to wait over an hour to order and get your food. And yes, there's a place to eat and they have a seat. However, is not available because all seats and tables are used as a locker to hold towels and people's belongings. Because it's $15 to put it in the locker. Locker room, bathroom, and changing rooms for men and women are together, same room. Huh?

What? What? You can't do that. And then it says, and the space is super tight, no privacy at all, no separate space to get dressed. How the fuck does that work? You can't do that. That can't be real. It can't be.

It can't be legal to have. That's not happening anywhere else in the country. No. No, I've never heard of that before. Only three showers and four toilets available for everyone. Four toilets for an entire water park? For a whole water park, men and women. And they all use the same ones.

And they're all together. VIP is $10 extra per person. No kids allowed. What? Oh, VIP area, no kids allowed? Okay. But many kids were in the VIP. I was denied entry to the area after I paid because I wanted to bring my son inside as well as the other kids

inside. Well, it says no kids. They refused my son entry and did not let me inside. A photo of a kid is attached. I recorded a video that shows over 13 kids in the area. Wow. When I recording strangers' children. Yeah, exactly. When I requested a refund to the front desk and made a report, I was told that I needed to wait 10 days and it was not guaranteed because it needed approval from the owner. The owner. There's nothing to do inside VIP slash Paradise. just a bar and a small pool that's not even deep, only four and a half feet, not worth it, no entertainment, no music, nothing at all, all caps. There are no big pools for adults and bigger kids. I'm very disappointed, and the only pool in the park is three feet deep for small kids that keeps getting shut down.

Right. Because, yeah, it's gross. There's shit in there, man. There's shit in there. You're all going to get the quote-unquote flu. Yeah. Lazy River is a disaster, just a war zone. you do not enjoy.

Lifeguards are just looking and not controlling the area. Many kids throwing stuff. That's what kids do. They throw stuff. Had a very horrible experience. Would not recommend and we'll never come back. Okay. Okay.

This next one, probably be our last. It's long. And it's funny, though. Okay. Patel, one star. This water park was by far the most disgusting, poorly managed and frustrating place I've ever been to. The most.

The problem started before we even got inside. Parking wasn't included or mentioned in the ticket price and we don't even live at the resort. You don't live at the resort? I assume most people don't. Yet we still have to pay extra. $30 for one hour. That was just the beginning. What?

$30 an hour. They do this place by the hour? What the fuck? That's weird. Management is atrocious and the experience was nowhere near worth the $45. Wow. First, instead of simply scanning the ticket, we already added to Apple Wallet, we had to trek across the entire park just to get wristbands. Immediately after, we were hit with another hidden fee.

Lockers. Yeah. Hidden fee. Hidden fee. The bathrooms were absolutely revolting, filthy stalls, diarrhea smeared on the floors. Men sit here. Yeah. And even stool on the ground outside.

Stool. Stool. Diarrhea in there. Stool out here. Diary in the front, stool in the back, baby. That's right. You know, this party gets started.

Ah, that's so funny. What the bus. Stool outside. Stool. Stool, Jimmy. They got stool. You just said diarrhea. That's on the floors, but then there's stool on the ground outside.

I want to know how many other. other euphemisms for shit they used during this old review. Where was duke? Can you tell me that? Oh, man. Kids pool full of logs. Full logs. Shit logs.

Corn floating. This was all before even stepping into the pool or into the water. We tried the lazy river. It was pure chaos. The narrow path was overcrowded and every person was required to have a float. That wouldn't have been an issue, except that there was no system in place to actually get one. Floats just drifted around.

Yeah. And we had to wait in the water for at least 15 minutes to grab one. The lifeguards only made things worse. They ignored the kids who were shoving each other. Well, it is New Jersey. I mean, there's going to be some shoving. They're kids. Yeah.

If you ever seen the Action Park documentary, most of that is because those are crazy kids that I grew up with. Like kids from, you know, like an hour and a half circle around New York City are fucking insane. They're insane. Crazy. Those are crazy children. I know because I grew up with them. And I was one. They're insane.

The Lazy River rules are universal from park to park. There's a lazy river that flows in a circle and the tubes stay in there. And you only get one trip around. So as you come back to the entrance where everybody. getting in, you get the fuck off. So if you get off, one person gets in. And as a person, that's how it goes. It's- Oh, and you're sitting down on their, like, fucking sunblock and shit, whatever's

been rubbed on their butt. That's disgusting. Every time. So somebody gets in, gets in a tube, shits in it, floats around, gets off, you get in to their shit. Lazy rivers are disgusting. I refuse. It's vile. Vile.

but just kept blowing whistles at adults who were simply trying to relax. They didn't communicate, showed no concern for safety, and only added to the frustration. The lazy river itself was boring beyond belief. It's a lazy river. That's what it is. Lazy. They're telling you, it's not for you to be lazy, and they're telling you the river is lazy. It's just meandering.

You just sit. That's all it is. You're just floating. That's all it is. Okay. I was boring beyond belief, making the individual. entire ordeal even more pointless. At that point, we realized it wasn't even worth trying the rides. Wait times were unbearable. We just wanted to leave. Okay. That's great. In short, this water park is filthy, overpriced, and horribly managed. Save your money and avoid it at all

cost. That's all caps. Or run it like Frank from It's Always Sunny and just scream that you got AIDS. I got AIDS. Otherwise, you have to, the lines at these places are crazy. There's a, there's pictures of the lazy river. It's insane. Have you ever seen, God damn it, it's either family guy or American dad. I think it's American dad where they show a lazy river and it's, they talk about the lazy river.

The joke is the lazy river is the only ride that the fat people can go on at a water park because the slides can't hold of. So they show all these fat people like very sad in their floats going around and it comes to a curve and they get stuck. They're all stuck. So a guy comes with a big stick and like

wedges one out and then they all flow away as all these fat people get like giant, you know, cartoon people. Bottlenecked. Bottlenecked in there. That's what the lazy pool actually looks like. But, you know, only some fat people. But you go to a water park and you're either

getting one of, one or both of two, you're getting sunburned for sure. Oh, that's, yeah. And then you're getting sick. And that's the experience. Yeah, that's what it's about. That's why I will never go to a water park. I'd rather go on a cruise ship. It's gross. Yeah. And people

on water parks inside of a cruise ship. Think about that. They have the slides and shit. Think about that. A water park in a cruise ship. The vaccines that you would need. Oh. That is crazy.

You need a full body condom to use that. That's so gross. That is the most disgusting thing. A water park on a cruise ship is like that's. You can fill in the blanks of hell and stuff. of hell and that's what it is. And it's really anything. It's anything.

They're having AIDS and rickets. That's, you're getting all the diseases. It's everything. That's horrible. That's so gross. Yeah, it's fucking, it's bad stuff. Oh, Jesus. That is absolutely disgusting here.

Michael, one star, do you like having the roof open on a frigid January day at the water park? If so, this place is for you. There's a picture of a section of the roof that appears to be open. Yeah, on a January. January in New Jersey. A response from the owner, I'm truly sorry to hear that your visit wasn't enjoyable,

especially with the roof being open on such a cold day. Your feedback is important to us, and we'll certainly consider it as we strive to improve the experience for all our guests. Yeah. How about, you needed someone to tell you when it's January not to have the roof open when there's water involved? The fuck is wrong with you. The lazy river unplugger guy was warm.

He got a little hot. He really had to do a lot of work that day. You got a little hot. So you got to watch out for him. So anyway, the next one is pretty long. So we'll just leave it at that. All right. And we'll pick up next week with more of this lovely water park.

There is so much more shit, Jimmy. Yeah. And everyone out there is so much poop in this place, man. So much stool. It's stool central is what it is. It's bad stuff. I love you. So do keep coming back and seeing us every.

week. Check out our other two shows while you're at it. Crime in sports and small town murder, which are exactly what they sound like, except funny. So you should check those out. Do that. You can check out Small Town Murder on Netflix also. If you'd rather watch the show, if you'd rather watch Two Idiots Talk

than listen to Two Idiots Talk. You can do that. Keep coming back and hanging out with us. Shut up and give me murder.com is where you get everything, all your merchandise, everything from coffee cups to skateboards. We got it all on there. Also, you get your tickets for small Murder Live shows, picking up after the summer in the fall again in September.

We're in Milwaukee and Minneapolis. Come out and see us there. It's a good time. And next year, we're going to work on having a couple more Your Stupid Opinions live shows as well. Because, God damn it, was that a fun one in Phoenix? And we've got so much good feedback on it. We're like, this show is made to do live. It really was.

It's made for you to see the misspellings. Yeah. And see the crazy pictures of this guy's. See the poop. The poop and the bruised shins from the shopping cart. and all that kind of shit. And the bare feet of the Philiburdo's lady. Vile.

So there you go, everybody. Thank you so much for hanging out with us, as always. Thank you for being the best damn audience there is. We appreciate it. Keep hanging out with us, and we will be back next week. Thank you. See you then. Bye.