Your Stupid Opinions - Apple Genius Anger, Haircuts & Tears, Art Of The (Nude) Dance

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

More of the funniest reviews on the internet! We read reviews for an Apple Store location, where the main solution seems to be to leave the store & do everything online, and people are offended by the term "genius". A hair salon for kids, where the employees seem to have little patience for kids, but even less for the parents. A "gentleman's club", where people claim to get robbed by the dancers, but have appreciation for the art of it all & much more!!   Join comedians James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section! Subscribe, and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!! Dont forget to rate & review!!   Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for merch & more Check out James & Jimmie's other podcasts, Small Town Murder & Crime In Sports on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!!

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to your stupid opinions. Hey! Thank you so much. We're so excited to hear more people's shit today. We love to hear people's complaints. This is like a, this is like a, some sort of like a customer service complaint desk, except we just laugh at you when you complain. That's the difference. Bring the complaints while I giggle.

Nothing will be solved at all. So thank you for joining us today. My name is James Petrigal. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wiseman. And like I said, we're excited, and here we are. If you like anything about the show, head over to Shut Up and Give Me Murder.com.

You can check out. There's merchandise there. Also, you can find out about our other shows, crime in sports, and small-town murder, which are exactly what they sound like, except also hilarious. So check those out, and then come on back and head over to the Apple Store with us,

because that's where we're going here on your stupid opinions. going to an Apple store in the Cleveland suburbs. Uh-oh. Yay. Two places I don't want to be in an Apple store anywhere near Cleveland. You can. I'll tell you that I fucking love going to the Apple store.

You do? I love it. I have so much fun there. It's just very good. What's fun there? Tell me about it. I'm not even being sarcastic. Every time I've ever gone to an Apple store was because I had a problem.

Yeah. And they fixed the problem. So it's always. Well, that's helpful. It's never been. they never look at me and go, nope, not here. Never, never ever.

I think it's the process that frustrates people. Yeah. It is very annoying. The appointment and then you show up and then you show up and I've got an appointment. This isn't a day. Normally that happens at doctor's offices

and you give them a pass because they went to medical school. You fucking idiots just know how to use a goddamn iPhone, which so do I. So what are we doing here? But they are doctors. on these phones. Well, let's head to the Apple store here.

This is in Woodmere, Ohio. Yeah. This is, and everybody knows what an Apple store is. They don't sell apples. It's all the Apple products. 28849, chagrin Boulevard. Chagrin, much chagrin to go to the Apple store. Much to my chagrin.

I have to go to the Apple store. Here we go. Let's start out with five stars from Jesse. Loves the Apple store. Just had my computer serviced by Chris. Chris, his team knows who he is, exclamation point in parentheses. I don't like. Shout out to Chris, bro.

Yeah. When I turned old enough to know anything about what being serviced meant, I don't like my car being serviced. I don't like, I don't like Chris servicing anything that I'm servicing my shit. I always thought there's a lot of aggressive things in the auto industry. Servicing, number one. And also, when you buy a car, they say you take delivery. You're taking delivery. It's like, Jesus, that sounds like I got to bend over to take delivery of that shit.

You took delivery, so it's yours now. It took delivery. Wow. Absolutely wonderful customer service, Jesse goes on to say, quick, respectful and informative, would be glad to come back to the store again. And he has a picture of a selfie of him with the Apple store in the background. Not of Chris. We don't know. Chris is a mystery man.

But his team knows who he is, apparent according to him. We don't, but he does. Lynn with five stars. Grizz helped me. No, Gris helped out. That's not from 30 Rock. Yeah, gris was dot com there too. What's going on?

You got a guy named Gris helped us. Is this real name? I guess with getting a group text messages synced between my dad's iPhone and new iPad. Gris was professional, courteous, and helpful. The issue was resolved before we left. Yeah, Gris was probably like, yeah, you didn't put this on. You didn't click that. That's all it is.

Okay, get the fuck out. Going to the settings, you idiot. You couldn't have Googled this and not come in here. I knew a guy named Gris. Did you? Yeah. Real name? No, no, no.

No. His real name was like Adam or something, but everyone called him Gris. It's because he had a beard when he was 13. And that's all well and fine. But does Apple just lets you put your nickname on your shirt? It's Gris, babe. Maybe his real name is very offensive. Maybe his real name is like, just like cervix.

or something, just something that they don't want to put out there. We're going to call you gris. We don't like fallopian as your name. That's not good. Here is one star. Had a terrible experience. My wife and I went into the Apple store on Chagrin Boulevard. We proceeded to explain what we would like done with our old phone and purchasing a new one and also a tablet.

Are we trying to put your old phone? What we'd like done with it. You can put it up your ass if you want. I don't care. After realizing that the employees had no knowledge, we then asked for management. When Miss Carol Ann Adams came out, holy shit, first and last. It was rude from the start. Miss Carol Ann Adams, it is rude, yeah.

She seemed like she was interested in what was going on somewhere else and not helping the customer. I do not understand how this person can be placed in a management position. I feel bad for the staff and no wonder. It seems like they have a very high turnover. I don't know if she was on something or just had now Ms. Caroleon is not only incompetent. She's a fucking drug addict, too, on top of it. She might be on something. Pointing to her nose when she said that.

She might be like on something. Or had just had her head in the clouds that day, but that's the worst personality. Okay. That particular one is the worst. I've seen in a long time. That's the worst personality, period. I've seen in a long time, period. My wife and I will never stop at that store again, and we were considering not using Apple products anymore.

Oh, wow, all because of Carol Ann and her drug addiction. Enjoy none of your things lining up then. Have fun. Enjoy people ignoring your text because it's a green bubble. Yep, have fun. I don't know that person. We think that's a scam. I'll report that as spam. No, shit. Jesus Christ. Okay, one star from T. The store is the Apple. absolute worst, arrogant pompous manager who, after I tell him I like to start my service with one particular sales associate who's always kind and patient and guide me to the right person,

he let me know that person has no power whatsoever and I could not start my service with him. He said, let me talk to Brad. Brad's my boy. He hooks me up. Well, Brad has no power here, sir. He's useless around here. He's, we call him bitch-ass Brad around the office. He doesn't even, he's not even.

Yeah. He doesn't even have like keys. He doesn't know the code to the alarm. We don't even give him keys to those drawers, man. He's got to come get somebody. If you knew what Brad does in the break room. You don't want to know about bitch-ass, Brad. Burning popcorn in there, screwing with us.

Okay, so Brad has no power. The door person was rather rude as I entered. She rudely tells me to move to the side. I stopped to collect my thought, not thoughts, one thought, about what I wanted to tell them about my phone. I was there for all of two seconds. He defends her by telling me that if I don't like it at this store, I can do all my service online or at the call center.

L-O-L-L-W-wow, just wow. Just overall horrible service. The product is basically crap. For $1,400, I'm constantly in here over a phone that does not take a charge ever. This is the third time I've brought this exact phone in to be reprimed. And each time it never gets fixed, but they're very eager to take my Apple care pay out of my account constantly. Here's the thing about that. That is a conspiracy theory that will never end.

As soon as your phone stops taking a charge, it doesn't get fixed. You throw that fucker in the trash and you buy another. That's garbage now. Yeah. They got you. And is it, oh, the update. Probably. Who knows?

Either way, your fucking phone doesn't work. Would you like it to work? It doesn't matter after a while. $1,000, motherfucker. That's it. It's two now, I think. I think there's $1,700 now. I think so, because I just had to get a new phone because mine stopped, not taking a charge,

stop taking everything. It just stopped doing things. Remember that? Stop taking calls. It stopped doing things. It was the craziest fucking phone of all time. It stopped taking calls, text, and charges. Internet's everything.

Any internet you could find. Okay. I told them today I would be visiting the story. store and they said to me, we really don't care, go on phone support for any help. Steve Jobs would be highly disgusted. No, we would not. He started this. This is exactly what I had in mind. You're holding a $2,000 piece of equipment and you're still frustrated. That's my plan. Tadda. Ha ha. Look at my $40 black turtleneck. Fuck off. Look at this. By the way, I hate medicine, so I'm dead even though I'm a billionaire. I love almonds. I love to treat cancer with almonds. They'll cure anything, apparently.

Hamza, one star, the worst customer service I have ever had. Hmm. The iPhone I got from the store last battery for six hours. Okay. I went there twice to make sure they repair the battery. In two times I've been there, their solution was to stop using social media and delete the apps I'm having to hire my screen. time. This could be the funniest repair solution suggestion I had. I left the place after their comments. They try to convince you that you're in the wrong, that you are the wrong in phones problems. Okay. Highly not recommended. Highly not recommended. That is kind of funny. That would be like if you took your car in to get your tires replaced and they go, well, yeah, you got to stop driving. Bucks the tires up. Stop turning. Really, wears them down when you drive it. You'll stop steering. That's why the wheels all loose like that. You got to stop steering.

What are you going down the road? Are you out of your mind? Did you see the road? It looks like a cheese grater. Yeah, where do you have to go? Drive straight. What's wrong with you? Stop turning so much.

Fucking weirdo. Stop going on the things on your phone that you reason why you have a phone. Dr. M.S. Oh, boy. One star. I believe this store has the worst, not worst, worse. Worse.

That's quite the doctor. You got there. Doctor. Quite the worse. The worst employees I ever met. I went there because. my phone battery was draining. Seems to be a common problem.

I'm suffering because I have to charge it at the middle of the day. Right. Oh, you put your, that's, that is suffering. I'm sorry. I was making fun of you. I'm so sorry, sir. I'm so sorry. No, no, walk past the people, walk past those people with bone cancer and all that.

No, you are the one we're concerned about. You're suffering. In the middle of the day, you say, well, that's unacceptable. Unbelievable. No. Oh, my God. The horror. The horror.

The problem is. With the battery 85%, but can't even, but can't change it even I had the Apple care, and I have to wait till it reaches 80%. Seriously? I have no idea what you're talking about now. Left from there, frustrated, and with a solution to reduce brightness and not to use apps that much. Just that's the suggestion. Turn down the brightness and stop playing Candy Crush. Stop using it so much. Are you using your phone? Well, yeah, I'm going. Well, that's the problem.

problem. Turned down the... Yeah, clearly. You're not making calls, are you? Jesus Christ. What do you expect? And also to carry a charger wherever I go. Are you kidding?

I'm the most least person to you... I'm the most least person, is literally this line. I'm the most least person to use the phone. I asked him he means not to use it at all because that's what means not to use the phone that much. And she was insisting, you don't listen, listen to learn. I was listening and listening for nonsense, but I didn't come to listen or learn. I came because I had a problem to be fixed and it was not.

Never go there again. They don't deserve even one star. Wow. Yeah, after reading that, talking to that person would probably be like, by the end of it, you go, I don't even know what you want anymore. I'm confused. I'm confused. The problem is your battery will never get better.

you don't put a new battery and it won't work. It's just, that's Apple. That's just the way, that's phones. When it starts to break down and doesn't hold a charge, you have to get a new phone. That's the way of the world.

Remember like LG phones and even like BlackBerry's back in the day? You could not only get extra batteries, you could get like the double battery. Yeah, the fat one. You could have a fat one on there and like two extras like shit, I could be on a desert island for two weeks

with this fucking thing. I don't need a charge. Those were great. None anymore. Those are fantastic. No, now you have the metal shit. Now it's very deep inside your phone and you're fucked. Yeah, you can get those magnet things you stick on it and that'll charge it.

But they were so slow. They're fucking slow as shit. I have them for like the plane and shit because sometimes the outlets never work. So, all right. Nicole, one star, took my phone in for a simple screen repair. They fixed only one of two issues, the other being a cracked camera lens. We had to go back to get the other fixed. While fixing the second issue, the tech scratched the brand new.

front glass and had the audacity to say we caused the issue when the phone was in their possession. Definitely we'll be pursuing further. To who? What are you going to do? Up the Apple chain of command here. It's a scratched screen. And it probably isn't that bad. It's probably easy.

Probably. Anthony, one star. The quote geniuses. This is the first quote geniuses we've had, which is surprising. I expected every review to have that at the Apple store, repaired my daughter's phone. In the process, they erased her sim. They gave her the phone back and told her there was nothing they could do. When I talked to the quote, genius Matt on the phone, he got his feelings hurt because I questioned him.

I didn't yell. I didn't use foul language. I didn't even raise my voice. Nothing. The little baby couldn't handle being questioned so he hung up on me. The little baby. What a joke. He thinks that hanging up on me is going to make me less.

aggravated? Mm-hmm. And then all caps, how about an apology? You fucking genius? Yeah. Jesus, that guy, or that would have gone a long way. But instead, he just said, I didn't do it. It was the other tech.

Literally, that was his answer. My daughter figured out how to fix her phone without the, quote, genius's help. They're useless. Usually if you just hand your phone to your phone to your. daughter. She'll fix it. Probably. They know. If they're under 23, they'll fix it. They know. They know what's going on. They know what they're. Ivana, or Ivana, one star. Employees are rude and can't answer the simplest of questions. They make you wait for 30 to 60 minutes to tell you they can't help you at all without even hearing your question out at the start. Oh, it's your turn. Yes, we can't help you.

But I didn't tell you. Can't help you. Sorry. Call me later. Can't do it. Here's another angry man. Adam, one star. Yeah. All caps. The. first line is, the human quote, does this article help, but also just rude. So the human useless FAQ, but also just rude. Never have I paid so much money to be treated like dirt. The blonde woman supervisor shouldn't be allowed to supervise so much as an ant farm, all caps, aunt farm. She has zero tact. Sadly, this is what she's passing on to her staff. Right. Even if I, the consumer, was wrong.

I'm the consumer. It's unlikely, but even if I, the consumer, was wrong, and you, the supervisor of an Apple store, are only allowed to recite what's on a piece of paper with bad news. Make it sound like I just want a million dollars, all caps. Make it sound good. Don't be all downtrodden. Yeah. Put some oomph into it. Let's go.

Little showbiz. Little zaz. ridiculous. Make it sound like I'm a clearinghouse winner. Not even just make it sound like it's not terrible. Make it sound like I just won a million dollars. If someone excitedly tells me they can't fix my phone, I want to punch them ten times more than if they come up to me sad about it. Congratulations, Mr. Fetchigo. Hey, we can't do anything.

No. So everything's okay? Oh, it's great. Here's your phone. It's still fucked, but have a good one. All right. High five. So it works out, no!

No, not worse than before. You're welcome to me. Now we erased all your info off it too, so it's really fucked. Good luck getting this contacts back. Bye. We factory reset it. Goodbye. Hey, bye, everybody.

Have a good one. Shove you out the door with a phone. Uh-oh. Instead, she was argumentative and didn't even want to hear what I had to say from the moment I walk through the door. Treating me like I was a crazy person who had no. clue what they were saying. On top of the fact that I quite literally should never be calmer than the store supervisor, one of her associates began to record me as if I was the one going all Karen. According me. Going all Karen. Is that the new going postal? Like the 90s had going postal.

This is that. Then she denies it and acts offended that I would even suggest such a thing. People just want to be heard, ma'am. That's why the quote, does this article. help thing is so obnoxious on any and all websites. Just awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. So much awful. Too much awful. Absolutely too much.

Heep. Hype. H-I-E-P. Heap. Hype. One star. The younger guy who sells specially iPhones, who sells specially iPhones, that's what he said.

I guess specialty iPhones? Or maybe specialty. but especially is the way they spell it here. Sells especially. I don't know. It's absolutely rude. Either way he's rude. Yeah.

I've unfortunately bumped into him twice. The first time he rejected an iPhone 12 to iPhone 13 trade in straight up without explanation. Hmm. Okay. Today I went to the store to purchase an iPhone to give to my mom as a birthday gift. Unfortunately, the same guy was the sales rep I was assigned to. He asked me a bunch of questions like, Who am I buying it for?

Do I want Apple care and so forth? I simply said it's a gift for my mom and I don't want Apple care. He then said, quote, really you're buying an iPhone for your mom and no Apple care? Some kind of fucking bum over here. Jesus, what a piece of shit kid you are. Jesus, nice guy and laughs at it. Then I said that I never needed to, knock on wood. And then after that statement made, he said, well, they're made differently.

not sure if he's referring to my mom or the phone. How did it? The phone. You are very confused, sir. Wow. My mom of the phone, wow. And no Apple, that's amazing. So, although I doubt he was referring to the phone because Apple always advertised that the phone is made better every year.

So he must be talking about your mom then. He's doing that to gymnastics to make you talk about his mom. You talk about my mother. What did you say about my mama? She said about my mama. Oh my God. Then after the rep from the back brought out the iPhone, this young guy then took my money,

went and got a receipt, and returned to me, slapping the receipt in front of me, and slide the bag with the iPhone in it to me and walks away without a single word. he needs to have manners and have proper customer service. Right. Indeed.

Okay. Let's see. I'm Jod, one star. Manager was extremely rude. Assumed we were just there for window shopping. Who the fuck makes an appointment to window shop? Well, yeah. Maybe they didn't make an appointment.

They just wandered in because a lot of people do that too. Oh, okay. So you can do a walk in. It's like urgent care. You can pop in and look at the new products that are on display, I guess. I don't know. They'll get to you. Waste of fucking time, but okay.

Yeah. Who wouldn't elaborate on the prices told us we could just look it up online. I asked how much. It's like, okay. We don't have anything on sale, so if it's expensive, that's what it costs. That's what it is. I asked how much the price is after tax. He said it's 8%.

So just use your calculator. Wow. We don't do shit here. God damn. Hi, we do nothing. We're here just to tell you to go online and do it there. Well, Steve invented an app on your phone called Calculator. Do you know how to do percentages?

Got that? Hope you do. If not. By the way, hint, it's not that percentage button that's on your calculator. That's not how it works. That ain't it. Oh, my God. That's fucking amazing.

Okay, let's, uh, whoof, here we go. Joanne, one star. Wish I could give zero stars for the search. knowledge and bad treatment we received at this store. The employees are incompetent, and so is the store manager Nate Pace. Oh, full name. Yeah. My iPad Mini locked up while upgrading the OS, and they told me that I needed to buy a

newer refurbished one because they couldn't fix the problem caused by their OS installation. When we asked for help from the manager, Nate, he was more interested in getting us to buy more products from Apple than trying to help us by troubleshooting the situation. We took the iPad Mini to Best Buy, and they fixed it within a half hour by reloading the OS. Nate Pace should be fired. Oh, okay. Jesus. Not a good representative for Apple quality or support.

We'll never go there again. Ever, ever. All right. Last one. Greg, one star. The salesman was so full of inaccurate information. He was either, actually, he was ether, flat out lying. or was trained with false information.

Just a couple of examples. He stated there's never been an IMAQ 24-inch before now and that a user couldn't upgrade their own memory since 2015. The list goes on with everything he stated being provable untruths. I had to walk out in disgust. Disgust. Disgust. Wow.

Okay. Let's take our disgusted selves. What a fun one today. That's a fun one. Oh, we got some real fun. shit for you coming off. You're going to love this. Let's go get ourselves a kid's haircut. What do you say?

All right. Yeah. Just because lately, monkey do's keeps coming up for some reason. We'll be talking or I'm talking to Sarah and it's like the whole purpose of monkey dues. The whole reason for monkey dues. The whole reason for monkey do we say that all the time. When we're frustrated with something, I'll just stop and go

the whole reason for monkey dues. And no one knows what I'm talking about. It's great. Sharky's cuts for kids. We're going to. What is this one? that. Lovonia, Michigan. Lovonia, Michigan. 13,000 Middle Belt Road Suite 101. They are a kid-friendly chain offering haircuts, manicures, styling, and ear piercing. One-stop shop for the kids here. All right. The highlights, by the way, on their Google thing, good for kids. I would hope so. That's good.

Because it's called fucking cuts for kids. Good for old people. With a Z, isn't it? Is this one with this? No. No. No, it's not. Neither. Neither has a Z. No, nothing.

Sharky's cuts for kids. No Z's. I've seen the Z's ones. This one is not it. Caitlin 5 stars. Amazing kids salon. My young girls were treated so kindly and they loved everything about it. They had never been to a hair salon before and got a full pampered experience.

I love that they got a hair wash and cut, nails painted, balloon, sticker, glamoring, sucker who was such a great deal and the hairstylist was so sweet to them. Wow. Imagine being a kid now. It's got to be incredible. That's incredible. God, you got so much shit. You got pampered. Oh my God. Yeah.

When I was little they put me in my grandfather's barber because he was a fucking barber and he would show me the leather scrap that hung off of it that they would sharpen razor blades on to shave your face and tell me that was for bad kids. So I was very still the whole time.

motherfucker. Like a three-inch leather strap dangling off. That's my future, if not. Yeah. Fares, five stars. Amara, Amara is going to come up a bunch. Amara was amazing.

Amara. Yeah, I guess it is Amara. It's A-M-A-R-E-H. It's not the normal Amara spelling. That's why I was like, Amara. Amara. Amara? Amara, yeah.

Amarae. That's kind of Amar-E. What is your, Amaray? Amaray. My son is autistic and she handled him so nicely. And that's a big deal

for little kids because autistic kids, I know from experience, they don't like, a lot of times don't like people touching them, especially their heads.

They don't like that and they have to sitting still is also hard for them sometimes. Yeah, she was amazing. His haircut was great too, but her overall kindness and friendliness, I will never go anywhere else

to cut his hair. Okay. Millie, five stars. my daughter look beautiful. Just look. And then I brought it out. Yeah. Love the employees.

They did such a wonderful job and love the hairstyle person. She such. She such a wonderful angel took her time with my daughter and also did a wonderful job doing my daughter nails. Oh. Well, definitely, there is no plurals or possessives at all of this person. My daughter nails. She such a wonderful angel. We'll definitely come back again.

Update. I came back again. My daughter love coming here. See, they even offered games for youth children, as opposed to the adult children, which they don't get games. Hey, only the youth children get games. The youth adults don't have any. Okay, now the bad. Ryan, one star. This haircut is terrible on this kid. It looks like a mess. It looks like they gave it to him. It looks like they gave it to him while he was like playing and moving. He's running around. Like in there, like, well, I got a piece. piece of that side. Let me try the other side. One star, we asked for the top of my son's hair to be left, which they did. On the sides, we asked for a scissors cut to take a few inches off and keep it tidy. At the bottom, we asked for the clippers to ensure it was neat and line things up. My son ended up with a high zero blend clipper cut at the back that looks patchy. Now we have to find someone who can fix this and pay for a second haircut. Patchy's a good way to put it. If you've ever, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you You're old and you watched wrestling back in the day. When Brutus the Barber Beefcake would like shave someone's head after a fucking sleeper hold in the ring while they're all sweaty and he's got like a battery operated thing. That's about what it looks like kind of patches left chunks that didn't come up with it. You remember that.

It looked like the girl in Wolfel Wall Street that got her head shaved. Kind of, yeah, a little bit. In the back. Chunks left. Yeah. Just not a big. I love when he's like, she'll shave her fucking head. And they're like, oh my God, finish that poor girl's head.

Yeah, what the fuck? At least make it look like she meant to do it. Right. Don't make it look like she got a caught in a machine for Christ's sake. This is awful. Got a caught in a lathe. What about is happening? Like she's been working in a rivet building because it's World War II.

Yeah. Hey, Rosie, your hair is a little. You get a caught in. Hey, Rosie, tie that shit up next time. Wow. Goddamn. There's a response from the owner on this one. Thank you for the feedback,

and I'm so sorry the haircut did not meet your expectations today. We're always happy to fix a haircut free of charge with a different stylist. I will reach out to you shortly to make a plan. Thanks again. Oh, I hope that works. Yeah.

All right. That's good. Next up, Madeline, and this lady is dramatic. Oh? Whoa. Adeline, the dramatic. I wish I could give them zero stars.

Oh, boy. Almost. I am beyond disappointed. and heartbroken. Heartbroken. Over my daughter's haircut. Wow. Girls really, James, you, you know.

You know. Do you ever get your daughter a haircut that she cried about? My daughter, no, she's been pretty enthusiastic about haircuts. She's chosen every haircut she's ever gotten. My daughter has recently gotten one, and they took four inches off her hair. Four inches is a lot of fucking hair. That's a lot of hair. And you feel, when you've got that four inches, you feel naked when it's not there.

And she bawled her fucking eyes out all the way. I could see it. It wasn't my fault. See, here's the thing. You weren't heartbroken, though, were you? You're like, that'll go back and you kept driving. I'd be hardbroken if I watched her cry. She asked for this shit.

Yeah, for sure. But, yeah, it's not. Plus, your daughter also is like in high school, so it's a different thing. This kid's, this kid looks three. No one's looking at this kid's fucking hair. Heartbroken. She's only been growing up. that shit for three years. She'll be fine.

It's what I mean. It's literally a toddler. Like a sophomore in high school, yeah, that could ruin her whole thing. Now she's going to hide it and, you know, she feels whatever. This is a child. And beyond heartbroken over my daughter's haircut, three exclamation points, by the way. Beyond, yeah.

We had some lady Zara, Z-A-H-R-A. Everyone spells her name crazy at this place. And let me tell you, this woman has no idea how to cut hair. Three exclamation points. my daughter had a few mats in her very curly hair. I came in so sad and was devastated about my daughter's hair. I said I wanted it about shoulder length. This lady didn't start at the mats and working those.

She just chopped my daughter's hair. Fuck. Didn't ask if this is where I want it cut or measure it with a comb, just cut it. She then continued to keep cutting. I asked her to stop cutting. It was close to her neck. I sat there with tears streaming down my face. As she said,

fuck you and kept cutting. What's that, bitch? Chop. You want another? No. How about this? How about that? I got you for the rest of your natural born life.

I'll keep chopping. Fuck you. Keep chopping. Oh my God. I sat there with tears. dreaming down my face about how much I hated it and how she looked like a boy. Her response, boys have shaved hair. I told her my sons have longer hair than her.

Now my beautiful daughter has a bowl cut and can't even wear it down. We have to clip it up. I will never be going back again. I cry every time I look at her awful haircut. You're traumatized. The kids don't know. The kid's three. You have now traumatized this kid.

Every time I look at my daughter. My poor sweet. You were so pretty. Now you're hideous. This kid's like, what the fuck, mom? He used to be beautiful, you big. Jesus Christ, man. Oh, fuck, that's funny.

Wow, that is best. They have a big, by the way, there's always a response from the owner, and it's always like, we can work it out, basically. Come on in, we can fix it. This person, through all of it, then at the end, they say, we wish you the best. finding a salon that can meet your needs. Fuck off. Please don't come in here. Don't come back with your crying ass, please.

That's too much, man. Shennate O'Connor, kid. Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Take your ugly fucking masculine child somewhere else then. Boys have shapes, heads, lady. Their hair is longer than hers is now. Fuck you. Oh, no.

Joyce, one star. DeAndre at Sharkey's worst attitude ever. Two exclamation points. Worst. Gets the tea in there, actually. Never in my life have I've come across someone so rude in my life. In my life? Never in my life have I've come in across someone so rude in my life.

I scheduled an appointment online last night for both my sons. Their appointments were at 2 and 2.30. We arrived at 150, waited 10 minutes for her to get done doing whatever she was doing, even though we were the only customers in the facility. She comes over, doesn't say hi, introduce herself or nothing. Doesn't ask what kind of style we wanted. She says completely nothing won't even make eye contact. And this was all done on purpose because she had an attitude.

She walked up with an attitude. No one did anything to her. She starts picking my son's hair out and tells me her clippers won't go through his hair because his hair was not picked out. I told her I wet it and picked it out earlier. She says nothing and hands me the pick for me to do it like it's my job, not hers. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

I asked her, why am I doing this? And she says with the nastiest attitude ever, because she has to finish his hair and 20 minutes and six other kids' hair to cut. After that, we took the apron off and my son left. My son and left, okay? I took the apron off, my son and left. DeAndre needs to find a different profession if she hates her job and doesn't like kids. along with a new attitude. Never have I seen someone who works in customer service

treat people the way she did, me and my family, especially when someone's paying you. And for no reason, my kids did not deserve that. I've came here before multiple times and the service was great. That's why we scheduled an appointment. I will never return to Sharkey's again after today's experience with the dreaded DeAndre. Wow. I put dreaded in there, but that's what they do.

All right. I can't imagine how hard it is to cut black hair if you have. to pick it out all the time like that before you because if it's not done right it fucks up the whole head. Fuck everything up. Yeah, it has to be done correctly. My people's fucking limp shit is a nightmare. It's so easy.

The straight hair is very easy. Anyway, Ashweeney one star, I would give zero ratings if possible. If I could. Yeah, zero ratings. Already they made me wait 20 minutes still gave the worst haircut for my daughter. They chopped

entire length of my daughter's hair and looked nothing like a picture I showed them. Uh-oh. They were like, well, your daughter don't look like that either. So listen, sweetheart. Sorry, but, uh, you know, never visit them again. They broke my heart and I had to walk away without spilling a word because I was heartbroken. It cost me $40 for the worst haircut. The person who cut my daughter's hair was Amira, I guess.

Same one. Thanks, Sharky. We'll never visit you again. All right. Dickface. Yeah. Stephanie one star I feel bad to do such a low rating

because we had one good experience here with Emma but our most recent experience with DeAndre was the opposite. She barely spoken to us and when she did it was very short and cold. Also, I had to go home and clean up my child's hair because I didn't feel comfortable telling DeAndra it was choppy. She's afraid of DeAndre. I don't want to defend DeAndra anymore.

She sounds like a pain in the ass. I think DeAndre might be a pain in the ass. And then Ahmad finally here, one star. It's my first and last time visiting this store. It's my second time cutting my 14-month-old son. Just cutting him. At first, the owner welcomed us, and she was very nice. She handled setting my son properly.

Then here she comes, the Black Lady barber, and then in parentheses. And I'm not being racist because she was really rude and she didn't even introduce herself. You just said the black lady barber. That's fine. You're allowed to describe a human being. I'm not being racist. She's just rude. What is that?

She's just rude. I don't hate her because she's black. I'm just pointing out. Cater because she's rude, but I'm telling you she's black to identify her. This person's very paranoid. Yeah. So I was like, maybe she's not feeling good. We helped her out.

My son was nervous. He was crying. We understand this type of job for professionals. who deal with all type of kids. But unfortunately, she was pushy. She finished cutting his hair and left my son without cleaning or quick brushing his hair with a straight, mad, angry face. It's really disgusting. The owner was so calm saying, sorry, and she witnessed it.

But I guess there's no one to run her business, but that girl. Be careful. Who you dealing with when you walk there? It's a fancy, nice place for kids with messed up attitudes. A lot of these, by the way, a lot of the response from the owners are we are short-staffed. We're trying our hardest to hire people. The only person we could get is Deschandra. Literally, it's Deandra.

They keep saying, like, we pay more than the competitors and we still can't get people. We're trying. We're trying. We're trying. We're sorry. But, okay, let's get the hell out of there and go someplace a little more adult, shall we? What do we got? What do you say here?

Let's go to the Vanity Gentlemen's Club. Where the hell is that? That's right. 2880 Bethel Road, Columbus, Ohio. Not meaning to pick on Ohio today with the Apple store, coincidence. I can't imagine there's a great strip club. Well, Columbus has a college town. Yeah.

And it's, well, not only college, it's the center of the government there. That's where the strip clubs come in. Yeah. I bet there's those guns there. They're horny with those fucking people. Ohio State alone would make a good strip club come through. Absolutely. Yeah, the government people probably, they'd probably be going to.

a different type of strip club too if we know yeah that who's in charge of there. Somewhere more than the tits is on the table. Like balls. Balls. Yeah. And a cock. Yeah.

That's what I was thinking. Yeah. Exactly. All right. We're going to the Vanity Gentlemen's Club here. Like we said, in Columbus, this place has 3.6 stars.

Oh. Which, if you look at as low for a strip club, there are tits there. They have tits and booze. Wow. That should be an automatic four stars tits and booze, right? It has to be terrible to be worse than that.

Yeah. How do you have lower than four? I don't get it. That's amazing. And there's very few. That's why I was looking for these. Here's five stars. One of the best places to be,

three exclamation points. Wow. To be anywhere. Not just a strip club. This is particularly it. Yeah. Stage atmosphere is amazing. Food is delicious.

Ladies are beautiful. one of the best clubs in Columbus. Okay. And response from the owner, as we're thrilled to hear you enjoyed the stage atmosphere, food, and entertainment. Our team works hard to create one of the best nightlife experiences in Columbus, and we're honored to be one of your favorite clubs. We look forward to seeing you again. Why respond to that? Five stars.

That's what I mean. You don't have to say shit. Yeah. Or thank you. That's how you know this place is fucking crazy. They respond to everything in this place. It's one of those. There was even like five stars or three stars, no words.

They respond to it. What the fuck? They didn't even say anything. You don't even know what you're responding to. Here is The One. That's the reviewer. Five stars. I probably owe the owner for the therapy session.

I didn't get the job, but he's so sweet. This is a woman who applied for a job there. Oh. And got turned down, but the owner was kind to her for turning her down. It all makes sense when you read the whole. thing. I probably owe the owner for the therapy session. I didn't get the job, but he's so sweet. He held my hand and talked to me like my daddy would, which is, the problem is that's why you're here in the first place, is because your daddy helps too much. This is why he turned you down. He needs a

more aggressive dancer. That's not, not, no, that's not, well, he'd be looking at an empty fucking stage then, tell you what, that would be a mighty empty state, a tumbleweed blowing paths. That'd be a tough sell. Some chick going up there with a sweater on, just reading. Tough sell. An aggressive dancer? No, there's, I mean, I mean like, it's not a timid. I need somebody with aggressive daddy issues.

Not fucking timid. Sit down, read to me and tell me what my problems are while I sip on a tea. Who wants that lap dance? No, no, this lady explains it, quote, I'm too old to do that. that work anymore. He was kind about it. He's a good man. She came in,

say, I want a job, and he said, listen, sweetie, this isn't for you anymore. See these girls, they're young enough to be your daughter. Come on. And she said, you know what? It is time to quit. It's time to get out of this industry. I wish my dad would have told me that.

And their response is, we believe everyone deserve to be treated with respect. Even old saggy titan brods. Jesus Christ. Lolliette. Lolliette. Five stars. Had an absolutely wonderful time there on Wednesday.

The bartender and the staff were so nice. The bouncers were cool. That's something I've never heard. I've never heard anyone at a strip club club say, those bouncers are cool. They're always the worst. Yeah. Yeah, they have to be at that environment.

And of course the girls there are smoking hot and nice, especially Faye. If you want a great time, request her. Oh. What does Faye do? Faye, yeah. Faye. Whoa, Faye grinds extra hard. All right.

Now the bad here. Brian, one star. Bartender, rip me off. How? Uh-oh, here we go. Gave her $100 and she gave me back what I thought was 90. I believe the hot dancer and her were working together. How hot does someone have to be that even if you're calling them a thief, you still make sure to preface that they're hot first.

Make sure everybody knows it was the hot chick. The hot chick was distracting me while this chick only counted to 90. That's a good scam. I got to tell you. Yeah. It's not bad. Too bad. I would have dropped more money if it didn't get taken.

Well, they already have it, so you don't need to now. It's over. Not a good way to run a business. Yeah. They gave the service one star, the atmosphere four out of four. five and the food two out of five. Not great. Let's see. Romari

one star. This place has some really, really scamy girls that work with the bouncers. Uh-oh. There we go. Be absolutely terrified of getting dances here. They will take you back for three songs, then say you owe $500.

What? Wow. Faye must be smoking hot. 500 bucks. That's outrageous That's the highest That is What does that cost now?

I don't know what they even call it. $175 a song? I haven't been a place like this in decades. So what does that cost now? What's one song cost? $20 a song is an average price. Okay. And that's at like a decent place?

Yeah. I mean, yeah. The candy store used to be $5. Okay, I was going to say, not the candy store. We're talking. More quality than that's a $5. I think it's more than $5 now.

if you go back to a private room and get lab dances, it's $20 a song. So you listen, you fucking don't get so drunk that you can't count songs. You know what I mean? You lose track. And you're out money. Maybe they were in there for like three hours and the person just sort of got lost. I don't know. I'm going to make a police report as this place is not safe.

I would love to see the look on the cop's face as he's taking that one. So she was rubbing her tits in your face for how long now? I swear it was only three songs. Okay. Now, you get distracted by tits if you see him. You get like, you know. How hot was she? How hot was she?

Nipples erect. What are we talking about here? What's going on? Tessa, one star. Even though it was a Monday, I thought the atmosphere would be better. No. What would make you think that on a Monday? Why would you think that Monday or Tuesday are going to be possible?

Hoping off. Nightlife is hot on Mondays. People are just partying. The ladies look like they didn't want to be there. It's Monday. Yeah. Like a case of the Mondays. They didn't look like they even enjoyed themselves. I applaud the ladies for going up there and doing their thang, but they need new routines. One move ain't cutting it. This is a woman. So she's like, they just did the one little move. And guys are like, that makes the tits sway. That's fine. Whereas women actually want to see what you have. They want to actually see what kind of dancing. you have. You've got to show her that you can do this and not her. Meanwhile, a guy, you could be doing Cirque de Soleil shit and we would be completely unimpressed. There could be a chick just hanging her tits in front of you, dangling him. And you'd be like, that's way better than the chick who just took fucking, who just did a trapeze show in front of me. We don't care about that. I'm that guy in the strip club watching them do crazy things and like clapping.

Yeah, yeah. And everybody else is like. That's amazing. Look at you. Yeah. Yeah, that's... Wait until she makes it clap, then you clap. That's what these other bags are doing.

Totally. Otherwise, like, she's upside down, spinning. How that's fucking impossible. I'm clapping. That's amazing. Woo. Yeah. One move, one move ain't cutting it.

They never made eye contact or seemed like they were interested. I was a woman and I still am. Oh, wait. I was a woman and I am still a paying customer. Oh. She doesn't mean she's not a woman now. She was a woman when she was there also. One when she was in the club.

Yeah. That they ignored my group. Two shots were $35. Right. The music didn't even match the ladies. Y'all need a new DJ. Okay. She seems like she should run a good strip club.

I think she would run a good one. She gets it. Sounds like she knows. But here's the thing about the songs. The DJ doesn't pick them. The women tell them what's the play. They have songs they dance to. Yeah.

They have the ones they dance to. They don't match them because these are what these girls listen to or what they Danes do. Thank you ladies for doing your job, but even for a Monday, it should feel like a Saturday. Here's the other thing. The A squad doesn't work Monday, it's probably. No, no, no, no. That's, yeah, that's like if you go to a restaurant for Sunday brunch, that ain't the head chef cooking you Sunday brunch. That's like the third zoo who's cooking you because that's who will wake up and come in it on a Sunday morning. The head chef drank till 5 a.m. He's not coming in by 7.30 to start prepping brunch. That ain't happening.

Okay, so here we go. They didn't look like they enjoyed themselves yet. Thank you for doing your job, but even a Monday should feel like a Saturday. That's right. Venarmra, one star. There is a girl named Sunny. I asked her for the dance. She don't know how to greet people.

She neglected me and sat on bar table. I felt very sad. Oh, boy. Where do you even go with that? Where do you even go? I felt very sad. Yeah. She didn't think you had money.

And Sonny sat there awaiting you asking her for a dance. She's not going to, she's not doing shit today. Either that or she was like, that dude's a sucker. Fuck him. One or the other. I don't know. Don't prefer this girl. Yeah.

I had a dance finally with her after asking two times. and I didn't like her dance. So he finally got this one he asked for, Sunny, and then he didn't even like her dance. Poor guy. He's felt very sad. Every strip club has a girl named Sunny, too. That's very funny.

That makes sense. Well, yeah, so there's a few stripper names that are pretty ubiquitous throughout the... But Sunny's like, that one's a go-to, evidently. Yeah, that's easy. There's going to be a Sunny that's going to be a candy. Just don't wait. Don't even worry about it.

There'll be a redhead girl named Red. Yeah. Of course. There you go. Holly, one star. Don't waste your time or money. This is a woman, too. Just go to centerfold.

Oh, yeah. Duh. Everyone has one of those. They had a great, I think every city has a centerfold. Yeah. They had a great environment. Lovely ladies, the best drinks, and the prices were reasonable. Myself and husband went through were amazing.

Okay. Respectful to me, but still showed us a great time. There were girls of all sizes, not just, ones that look like they most likely were on drugs. So there's some chunky girls there, too, is what she's saying. Yeah, because it's owned by a person that knows that there's an audience that is varying. Yeah, you need a variety. You need a chubby girl.

You need a very skinny girl. You need a cracked out fucking methigar. You need a girl who looks like she's too young to be here. You need a girl. That's what they do, though. They have to fill the roster. It's like in a basketball team, you don't go. I got to get five centers and put them out there.

That's not going to play very well. Five point guards isn't going to work. You got to mix it up. Liam, one star, asked for one lap dance and there was some miscommunication. Instead of getting $25 VIP, got the $40 lap dance. Oh, there's a difference. Okay. In the end, I made my payments, but ended up getting yelled at by one of the managers who's named Tony.

Yeah. We could have guessed that the strip club manager was named Tony. Tony. Is he a very large man also? Yeah. I would say eight out of ten strip clubs, the manager's name is Tony, probably, right? His name could be Paul, but he goes by Tony.

It could be Greg. Goes by Tony. Tony. That's who runs a strip club. My first time there, who was extremely rude and not helpful at all, Tony meaning, that is. I'd rather deal with Gordon Ramsey than deal with that because at least it's expected.

Got it. I know Gordon Ramsey's going to yell at me if I make him a shit omelet, but I expect this guy to be nice to me while I'm paying his girls. A guy at the strip club, I expect him to be nice to me. The guy who manages the strip club. What fantasy world do you live in? What environment do you think this is, sir? You have to be tipping these girls thousands of dollars without any desire of them touching you and you're not trying to flirt with. touch or, you know what I mean, be a pervert. That's when

they're nice to you. Then they'll be nice to you because they think you're a huge sucker and they don't want to lose you to somebody else. They're like, oh, we got a mark on the line. Jesus, keep him in line. Wow. What an idiot. Throws money at strange girls just to see their tits with no creepy shit

attached to it. And he's got the internet in his pocket and he's doing this. He can see he can see actual intercourse really close. and beat off to it. But nope. No touching yourself and here's my tits from 20 feet.

How about that? Now give me all your money. $300. Pedro, one star. Took my friend, which is getting married on Sunday. Of course, we brought him in drunk to a couple strip clubs as a good bunch of friends should do on a friend's last night as an unmarried man. I'm going to speak on behalf of all. strippers right now, James.

And just like on behalf of all comedians, never fucking do this. Nope. If he's drunk, take him the fuck home. Take him home. Take him home. Exactly. You won't know the difference. It'll be fine.

Tell him you. Bachelor parties out of the strip club. Bachelor parties out of the strip club, Bachelorette parties out of the comedy clubs. We want neither of those. Don't go to strip clubs drunk and be a problem. And you're not allowed to take people. pictures in there anyway. So you can just tell a drunk fuck. Yeah, dude, I can't believe you

don't remember that. Dude, we were there for like three hours. You know many lap dances I bought you? What a waste. Yeah. What the fuck? I got the hottest chicks for you. Three at a time. So there is no punctuation in this entire giant paragraph. So I'm going to read it like he wrote it. Okay. Last night as an unmarried man. So when, so we went into, we went into vanity at first. It was very good. They greeted us as they should. We paid to get in. And as we're as where, where, getting the feel of the place, my friend spots two girls he

likes and decided to take out some cash to get a private dance for him and his cousin. So he gives on girl $40. And other girl that he wanted to dance with $40. She was obviously drunk or high or something. So I took $40 the friend had because the girl said, He was going to tip, he was going to tip get another $40, but he was drunk. And once I took his 40, after he gave her the money to pay, she started to argue to me that I need to give him back his money so he could tip her. But I told them just go and dance.

Okay. This person, your friend is really drunk. This chick said it's 40 bucks and give me another 40 as a tip. And this guy took it out. And he said, you don't have to give her another 40 as a tip. put it away, you're too drunk for this. Right. So that's what this is.

This is a guy trying to protect his dumb drunk friend. Yeah. Split the difference. Give her the 20 and get the fuck out of this place. Neither of you belong here. A lot of women listening are like, what are they talking about? Every guy knew exactly what the fuck we were talking about right there. Yeah.

Well, I've been in that spot. I tried to talk to the security and the girl fake fell down as if I pushed her and they clearly saw that she was faking it. So I tell them the situation. and they take her away to go look at the cameras, and they told me the rest of the night that they will get my friend his 40 bucks because he didn't receive his private dance. Then they told me to wait while they sorted everything out. They had me wait until 4 a.m.

I had gone up to talk to them at least three times and told me they were going to get us our money. The fourth time I go talk to them, they tell me they couldn't get us our money because we gave the girl the money before she had done the dance, and that they couldn't see if we gave her the money. on camera, but all three of the security guards saw when she fake fell and acknowledged that she had fake fell also while I was talking to one of the security guards during mid-conversation when I was making clear points in where they were wrong and telling them if that's how they run their business, he just walked away from me. Then I talked to another security guard and

talked to him and made him see my point. To then he got mad and decided to tell me I had to go because I was arguing with him trying to get my friend's money back. I told him, shake my hand and let's leave it at that. And he proceeded to yell at me and tell me we all had to go. Worst experience ever would not recommend. They're a nightmare. Absolutely. That's far too many words.

They're lucky they didn't get their fucking heads cracked open by these bouncers. Because when the bouncers, when people come up to you drunk and try and explain, I was a bouncer. Those are the people you want, you go, do get the fuck out before I knock you out. Shake my hand. Yeah. I'm touching you. I've been dealing with you for this long time.

You've been annoying me and annoying everybody else. You're fucking drunk and you don't realize how drunk you are because you think you're making perfect sense. And now we're going to shake hands. The next time I touch you, I'm going to be throwing you. Exactly. It's going to be me and that guy taking one side of piece and tossing you through the fucking door. I just, I hate that shit. If you go to a strip club and you have an experience that requires that many words, I assure you it's your fault.

It's your you fucked it all up Go in there and pretend like it is a woman's house Yeah Pretend like it's someone's home you went into And act like that And she's got her top off Yeah You should be extra fucking nice

How could you ever And then you came into her house Her top is off and you insulted her cooking You piece of shit It's crazy It's like seeing a deer Slowly like licking from a brook And going up and going

Ah dear do you dare So they run away It's like Don't spook it She's got her top off. Shut up. And then you're mad at the woods. She's going to put her tits away.

Yeah. She's going to put her tits away. Stop. Don't be cool, dude. David, one star. This place is disgusting. Never been there. First of all, it's the greatest first two lines ever.

This business model is atroaches. Never been there. But some idiot came into my work and passed out discount cards to invite employees and customers. We're a family-oriented business. Keep your coupons in your same trash demographic, please. It should already tell you something if you have to give out discounts to get people to go to a strip club. How dare you?

You have no idea what you're talking about, sir. Discounted lap dances are the best. It's what Las Vegas is built on. If you accepted any piece of paper handed. Yeah. If you accepted any piece of paper handed to you as you. walked down the strip, you'd have like 80 free lap dances, 12 free admissions to this, 25 free drinks, you'd have a whole fucking, it's all it is. And an advertisement for an overpriced

hooker. Yes, exactly. Holly Boss, okay, another woman here, one star, bad experience, awful, judgmental people, and an all around bad environment. I will never recommend anyone going here ever, and if you do, beware of the 400-pound, quote, I am God manager that apparently thinks he has the right to lay judgment on others. What are a chick doing here that would make a manager? Women have the, they can do whatever they want. Yeah. That's the thing.

It's crazy. Literally, they can do whatever they want in a strip club. They're so happy that one is there, they're like, shh. Yeah, their tits might come out. It's, it's, and that sometimes gets to be a problem. That's illegal. Yeah, they can't have that. Right.

Yeah, I've seen it a million times because women get, they get to touch. They can do whatever they want. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Yeah, they're all, it's, yeah,

they're nuts like that. So while I'm assuming as he is doing so, dot, dot, dot, it's been a while since he's looked in the mirror himself. Okay. And I'm convinced if he does have a scale, it would do no good considering his fat gut would block the entire thing. I think she came in to be a dancer and got told no.

Yeah. I think she came in. I don't think she's a, she at no point says she's a customer. Yeah. Yeah. At all. As an applicant. Has no right to judgment on others when his fact.

Basically, they said your body isn't good enough. And she's saying, what about your fat ass? Okay. That's what this is. That's what it sounds like anyway. Wilson, one star. Save your money. Just a case of the blue balls and a waste of money.

Yeah, that's the strip club. You just described a strip club. What did he think was? What do you think there was blowjobs in there? Full balls and empty pockets, my friend. That's the way, that's what this business. Matter of fact, if I ever open a strip club, it's going to be called full balls and empty pockets because I'm too honest. That's what you're going to have when you leave here, my friend.

Just call it blue balls with a man on the sign holding his nuts and shaking. Knees together. Yeah, legs together. Looks like he has to piss, but it's just really, it's a lot of pain. It's a lot of grinding. that's going on. Seriously, take it from me. I've been to plenty of these places in past,

and luckily only spent under $30 each time. Luckily, you cheap, fuck. Yeah, so you just sit back and let other people tip these dancers? You didn't have a drink, and you sat at the bar with your Coca-Cola. That's what you did. Yeah. And dropped a dollar on the stage every 10 minutes. If you want to get some, just go to online dating.

Oh, is that what you do? He came here thinking he was getting laid and he was like, this place sucks. You just go online. He said, that is, and then all caps, real and you have a chance to get some, unlike these places. What a dork. This guy sucks. Yeah. Just a pipe dream.

I've been here and it was mediocre at best. Stay away. Unbelievable. It is really shocking. Whatever. I mean, there's mixed opinions on what happens. strip clubs because there's, I mean, there's a bunch of wives that think that dudes go and fuck these people, but they do not. I assure you.

They don't look at their husbands realistically. They're going to fuck my fat, middle-aged balding husband. Oh my God. No, they're not. He has a better chance with the beer cart girl at the golf cart, I promise you. He has a better chance with Tony probably. They're not fucking him. It is ever.

Most of them. God damn it. It's so sad. It's just so sad. It's equal delusion, though. The women think that their husband's, are going to go there and the women are going to be throwing themselves at them. And then the men think the same thing. Right. They have the best PR department of any business because everybody's

been to one of these places and nobody has had these women throw themselves at them. I mean, unless you're at a really gross place. Or you're a celebrity or something. Right. Yeah. That's one of the things. Like I've heard I've read that book about score. and when like, you know, Leonardo DiCaprio would come in in 1996. Those broads would be all over his shit. Flo Rida used to strictly fuck strippers. And he would just, he would literally go in the club and throw $20,000 in singles on him. And that's, look at all the, like the Atlanta Gold Club shit.

We did a bonus episode for crime and sports about that. You could buy a hooker for 500 bucks. Why do you doing 20 grand? I guess. Yeah. 20 grand is, uh, that's a lot. Yeah. Because that, that's, that's, that fulfills.

several of your needs. That fulfills the need to have attention when you walk into somewhere. The need to feel like a big shot. The need to let a woman know that you own them, which is a weird instinct also. You're purchasing her and you are paying extra so you actually, she better not, you know, better not go with the program. It's all ego. That's what that is. I feel like a lot of the strip club is ego. It's some weird ego thing. Yeah, I think that all, I don't like strip clubs. I really don't. I think that all sex purchasing, whichever way you do it, feeds whatever your ego is, whether it be that, the domination thing. There's also the people that get the cheap ones that treat you like a piece of shit because you are,

because you're paying or nothing. Yeah. She's not going to be that enthusiastic for it because the little bit you're paying her. She's got to do this 20 more times tonight now. Thanks a lot. And she calls the shots. Yeah. Yeah.

If you're like one of these athletes will get these high-end call girls that are like, you know, $7,500 or something. Those girls are nice to you. Fuck yeah. Those women are nice to you. That's like because they're like educated. They don't get like street women. They get like women who went to college and all that. And that's just more money than they could make doing anything else.

And that's a different thing. The only thing she's going to do this week. That's the other thing. Now there's no more tonight. So this is her day. That's it. So, you know, it's not like, well, you know, I got to get you out of here because I got another guy with his balls full in his pocket. Right.

This girl that's given $20 blow jobs. That chick's sucking a lot. A lot of dicks tonight. That's a lot of dick to suck, man. All right. Then finally, let's end with David with one star. If I had to rate it, it would be a zero. Oh, boy, David.

Damn it, David. You fucked that all up. This is my favorite. Security is a joke. Got kicked out for no reason and pepper sprayed. And pepper spray. There's a reason, motherfucker. You aren't a problem, David.

David? Let me tell. you, if you get pepper sprayed, you were a problem. Really fucked up. I mean, bad. Yeah. You got to really want it to get pepper sprayed. I've been kicked out of a strip club exactly one time, and I learned exactly that night not to be a piece of shit there.

But it was just because my friend touched a stripper, and I mouthed off. And they were like, well, you're going too. And I was like, yeah, you know what? You're right. I'm going to go because you guys, there's a lot of you. and you're all big. Because we came in the same car, but otherwise. Yeah.

Because I drove. I'd be kicking your ass right now, right? You know how it goes, guys. All eight of you. And you, fat Tony, fucking sunny, candy, bring them all over. I was not about to find out whether or not any of them had pepper spray. Because I'm too small, they would have kicked the shit out of me. And then peppers?

No. That's so dumb. So dumb. Yeah. I was a bouncer. and I would have considered that cruel and unusual. Like, we've had to take people outside, rough them up a little bit, throw them out and shit. We weren't like, let's say how pepper spray them also. Yeah.

Pepper spray this bloody man? Jesus. That's right. My favorite was you'd be like fighting with them and shit and then you'd get them outside. And the people who you knew were going to get extra that were going to start even after they were out. We'd start again. We'd bring them out and dump them right in front of the off-duty cops that were hired outside there. Can't do anything.

No, they'd get up and start coming at us. And then the cop would go, hey, buddy. Then they turn and swing at the cop. And then two seconds later, they're facing the fucking sidewalk on Jackson Street and downtown Phoenix, looking up at America West Arena while they get cuffed. That was it. That's how it. Going to jail now. We go, bye, asshole.

We knew you could control yourself. At first, you were going home at worst to another bar at best. Yep. Now you're going to jail. to the hospital then to jail because that guy just slammed your face into the into the floor way harder than we ever did you. We're not allowed to injure you. That guy, he's a cop.

He's fucking rough. And then maybe home on your own recognizance when you're sober. When you're sober, which might not be for a while. Might be on Monday. So it might be. No remorse, he says. Yeah, none. Food and pepper spray and then apologize afterwards.

No. They were sure about it. No remorse from them left me in pain. and others asked why I got sprayed and didn't answer last time we would be around or didn't answer, because there's no punctuation, last time we would be around.

I don't think you're welcome anymore, honestly. I doubt it. All right, so let's leave it there. We are leaving the strip club, and next week we have a really crazy liquor store in Long Beach we're going to talk about and a few other things as well. Some of these liquor stores are in fucking sane,

like in crazy neighborhoods, and this is one of them. This show might start to become examples of how to behave in public. I think it is already. I think we're setting examples. Yeah. We are. We're setting examples.

Yeah. It is. And by the way, one thing, we never take the reviewer's side. How rare is it that we take their side? Yeah. It's like 98%. I just defend the business. Always.

Yeah. Well, if it's a business we've been in, especially, or been to even and we're like, well, we don't act like that. Why the fuck are you acting like that? Right. What the restaurants? We're like, what's your fucking problem? Yeah. So anyway, there you go. Thank you so much for joining us today. Head over to shut up and give me murder.com for all of your information, on your merchandise, get tickets for small town murder live shows, which by the way, listen to our other two shows, crime in sports and small town murder, which are exactly what they sound like, but funny.

And small town murders on Netflix twice a week. Unbelievable. Always a place to see it. So thank you so much. keep coming back week after week after week. And until next week, everybody, we will see you then. Bye!