Your Stupid Opinions - Arby's Gone Wild, Murder Apartments, Sad Clown, Jackhammer Thrusts

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

This week, we find out why a whole apartment complex may be doomed to a reputation of murder & underwear thievery. An Arby's where the employees don't think their duties don't include giving out a good beating. A very personal item that may just have the motor of a riding lawnmower. A clown that might make you sadder & much more!!Join comedians James Pietragallo and Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section!Subscribe and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!!!Don't forget to rate & review!!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie WhismanSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to your stupid opinions ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello everybody and welcome back to Your Stupid Opinions. Hey! Hey, my name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. We have quite the show for you today. Let me tell you something. This, obviously, we have lots of complaints for you.

Otherwise, we wouldn't be putting a show up. But tons of complaints, some very weird things. We're going to find out about some roast beef. We're going to find out about a very personal item. And we're going to find out about an apartment complex that we discussed very thoroughly in Small Town Murder, where Express, where murders

happen and panties get stolen and not by the same people. That's the other thing. They have separate murderers and panty thieves running around at the same time. Fantastic. We'll talk all about that. We have so much for you. This is our 20th episode.

Wow. A milestone episode here for us. So hopefully you've been enjoying the last 20 episodes and you'll enjoy however many more we do in the future, which the internet is unlimited on reviews. It seems to keep going. We could do this until the end of time. If you enjoy this, definitely follow on social media.

You can follow. There's also groups, too. There's like fan groups where they post their own stuff, and that's a lot of fun, I hear. So get on in there. And also listen to our other two shows, Crime and Sports and Small Town Murder, which are as self-explanatory as they get. True crime comedy. So here we go everybody let's get into this right away with an american staple here all right a terrible place that i haven't been to in years because it's just gross arby's here we go okay we're going to arby's in

dayton ohio all right i'm excited to find out what happens there. I wonder if they drown everything in Skyline chili. Was it a thing you did a lot when you were a kid? Arby's? Arby's? No. Oh, yeah. I used to eat it a lot. Arby's wasn't very big in New York. It wasn't a big thing here at all. And then like Arizona, it was more.

So when I moved there, I started eating it a little bit more. But only when it was the five for five sandwiches. Because that's cheap. And that's literally the only reason I ate it. Otherwise, it's garbage. We did that a lot for the family. But also, my grandparents used to take me there a lot. And I enjoyed the curly fries.

They were my faves. They're not bad. I know they got mozzarella sticks at one point. And I was excited about that. They were pretty good, too. They actually were decent mozzarella sticks. They they were they were good they were the batter type not the oh not that like uh like the panko or the breadcrumb type yeah yeah i don't want i hate that on anything let's chew little rocks that sounds great yeah that sounds like a lot of fun

who what would a dentist put this out? Fucking. There we go. That'll bring in the dollars. Panko cross. I'll always take a batter. So, you know, Arby's is actually the letter R and the letter B, right? That's what it was. That's what it spelled.

A-R-B-Y-S. But it's the owner, the creator, the inventor. His name was Arby. He's probably trying to shield his identity now because this is so terrible it's the cowboy let's spell that shit out shit this is 160 south patterson boulevard dayton ohio here we go let's get right into this five stars this is from someone with shit loads of reviews they have the local guide status there jesus christ five stars quote i love arby's you do let's he's putting that right out there my opinion is completely worthless is what he says in his first sentence just so you know who i am just so you know i am trash anyway moving on

but the whole chain needs an aesthetic update you You're not there for the ambiance. You're there for cheap beef. Cheap roast beef is what you're there for. Wendy's went and revamped the whole fucking thing. Every restaurant looks amazing now. But they also have decent food. Yeah, McDonald's, they all look, I don't like what they did to them. McDonald's should be g It's all space aging.

It should be gaudy. It should be yellow and red and gaudy and all that. Now it's like, ooh, we'll make it sleek and brown. What are you doing? It's McDonald's. What is wrong with you? They got a whitewashed brick in Arizona. I know.

It's so weird. It's here too. So they need an aesthetic update apparently. Okay. My nearest Arby's parking lot looks like small bombs went off in the lot. That's also Ohio concrete is what that is, asphalt in Ohio. It's the main reason I don't go to that particular one. I just take a drive to another one. But still gave it five stars, even though he literally can't go here because the parking lot looks like fucking Fallujah in 2006.

What's going on here? Next up, Brittany. Again, the person with shitloads of reviews. Five stars. Here we go. Jeremy was awesome. Was he? Well, that's why you go to Arby's for individualized service from a particular worker because people stay there for 30, 40 years.

You can just keep going back. Maybe she meant the Pearl Jam song. Yeah, Jeremy was awesome. I really enjoyed it when I was 12. He should get a raise. Very polite and made me want to come back for the amazing service and great food, even though it'll be some other kid on a shift. And either that or Jeremy will have moved on to five guys we don't know unless he speaks in class today we don't know then he might not be back at all so next up vlad gives it one star yeah okay not so

happy with arby's using lots ofoh. Using lots of bad words. Not polite. Don't say who. I don't know if it's Jeremy or not. Maybe it's Vlad. Right now I'm using a lot of bad words. It's not very polite. Took a revolver out in the front of the classroom.

Didn't like it. I'll stay away from this place. Took forever for food. Okay, well that's not fast food then. No, no. Takes a long time and they curse at you. I don't think I've ever had an experience at Arby's where it food then. No, no. Takes a long time and they curse at you. I don't think I've ever had an experience at Arby's where it was fast. No, it's not supposed to be pleasant.

You're supposed to be frustrated when you leave there. It's part of the experience. That's included in the price. Don't you get it? That's why they have cheap sandwiches. They're like, be mean to these people or else we'll run out of beef. They'll never stop coming back. So next up, Thomas, one star.

Here we go. The worst Arby's I've ever been to. Oh, he's been to a lot. Now that's saying something. If you just say the food sucks, you're like, yeah, it's Arby's. But if you say this is the worst Arby's I've ever been to, now you're talking. Now that's apples to apples obviously not you know apples to like a rotted pear that's been in the bottom of a dumpster for three months that's not

apples to beef and cheddar no um the drive-through order speaker is right in front of where customers enter the restaurant oh jesus so they're like just talking, overhearing. The whole interior smells like a men's urinal. That's nice. The floors are slick with something. Let's leave it at something. Something. We don't know what. Slick.

Grease, human waste. We don't know. They're slick. It's just slick with something and the something dot dot dot like i'm not gonna make a judgment i can't tell what this is i'm not assuming i'm just leaving it if you put it on the bottom of a sled you'd really go fast i know that much it's slick covered in dropped food dust and dirt the counters are. The tables aren't wiped off. It's a disgusting shithole. The food and customer

service are the only passable things about this location. So you're saying go to the drive-thru is what you're saying. If it wasn't right in front of the main entrance. I'd rather skip lunch than ever eat here again. Nah, I'll wait for dinner.

I'd rather skip lunch. I'll not eat in the middle of the day. I'll change my entire food schedule to not eat here. Another meal's coming around in six to eight hours. Oh, man. Okay, here's Noah with one star. This is great. One of the employees here threatened to assault me for no reason.

So you want two beef and cheddars and a punch in your fucking mouth motherfuckers that what you're looking for because i'll give it to you i got it right here locked and loaded for you jeremy or noah whatever your fucking name is you eyeballing me no yeah what you looking at yeah what do you i just wanted to order roast beef i'm just waiting on my change change i'll change your face. I'll change up some shit for you. All I did was take a look at the menu outside near the front door as I was deciding what I want to eat. Because the drive-thru menu is right by the front door, as we found out earlier. One of the employees who was out on a smoke break approaches me and asks me why I'm standing there near the menu in a hostile voice.

That's just Arby's speak. Oh, I know what it is. Why are you standing there looking near the menu in a hostile voice. That's just Arby's speak. That's all. Oh, I know what it is. That's why you're standing there looking at the menu. They think he's waiting on a car to beg for food. I'll bet you that's what it is. To borrow money or, yeah. Yeah.

Because you see that a lot. He angrily demanded. Oh, I'm sorry. I replied that I was deciding on what I want to eat on the menu. He angrily demanded that I go in the restaurant and look at the menu in there. That's what it is. Yep.

He doesn't want you standing there. Don't fuck with my customers. People don't want to drive up to the drive-thru when there's people standing there, especially there's some Noah. He's some fucking guy standing there. Some woman by herself doesn't want to pull up to some creepy guy.

Some kid named Noah from Dayton, Ohio. Yeah. A resident of Dayton is standing by the drive-thru. No one's want to pull up to some creepy guy. Some kid named Noah from Dayton, Ohio. Yeah. A resident of Dayton is standing by the drive-thru. No one's going to pull up. Who the hell's getting in there? I'm not. I'm driving away. You're going to hear tires squealing.

It's like I'm eating in the deli at the grocery store. Yeah, just eating right there. All their stuff without paying for it. He angrily demanded that I go in there. Okay, I did not appreciate his hostile attitude, so I said, I think I'll just go and started walking back across the parking lot. As I'm walking away, the employee starts shouting at me and says, quote, don't think that just because I work here, you aren't going to get hit. I will take this hat off and fuck you up don't get me wrong service with a smile i don't think this name tag says i ain't hard motherfucker oh that's amazing that's amazing just i got grease on my shoes, I mean, I won't stop you with them.

I will stop you with my floor grease shoes. Don't think I won't. I liked this Arby's, but unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to eat there anymore when the employees are able to be this hostile for no reason at all. Just because I work here. Just because I work here. Doesn't mean you won't get it. I will fuck you up.

I will fuck you up. will fuck you up oh that's funny oh that's amazing uh next up bridget one review or i one star here uh she says quote i don't even usually do this but about two weeks to a month ago we got our food and it literally smelled like mold and buffalo literally smelled like mold and buffalo sauce never smelled any type of food in my life smelling like that okay apparently it wasn't a food stuff that she was familiar with she's not a fan of the smells no uh next up dusty with one star the walkway smells like pee that's second time then he goes on to clarify which i love when they that's a statement we don't need any more than that walkway smells like pee i get it boom pissy smell it now when i say that i mean and then he continues when you walk through the

and through is the less common t-h-R-E-W for that particular. When you walk through the first set of doors. So that's where it is. You know, the walkway. Yeah, that second set of doors that you got to go through. Like the little mud room of a... It's a pee foyer is what they call it at Arby's. It's where you piss before you go get your food.

It's a urine foyer. That's all. You piss on the side, you go get your food. It's a urine foyer. That's all. You piss on the side, you go get your food. I greeted the employees. They didn't greet me until after I said hello to them. Oh, so there's like a hospitality standoff with this person. Who's going to say hello first? This is a staring contest till somebody

smiles and says hello this that's wild uh next up one star from torg torg says homeless man asked me for money then threw a rock at my car that's it's it's no out there trying not to get hit by an employee or it's the employee homeless man and the employee are separate people i think maybe um and the bathrooms were absolutely disgusting how about yeah there's rock throwing homeless people there that's why people are pissing out front because the bathroom's too gross. Yeah, like, fuck that. I'll just piss in the sentryway. That's easier. Next up, Alishan, one star. When I went in, the staff was very rude to me. There's a theme coming here.

Yeah, they're not happy. This is a surly group of people here. Don't think that just because they work at Arby's that you're not going to get hit. Just know that shit. Don't think that. We they work at Arby's that you're not going to get hit. Just know that shit. Don't think that. We don't. We understand. Just because they know my social security number around here don't mean you won't get hit.

Head on a swivel at Arby's all the time. As soon as I walked in, they yelled at me. Yeah. I was walking. Hello. Fuck you, motherfucker. Don't think you won't get hit just because i work here i don't think you won't get it as soon as they walk in they yelled at me and said they can't take my order because the drive-through was busy get a car or fuck off

hold on we're busy with people that got enough money for cars. Yeah, we don't have time for your order. After they took my order, I asked if I could get dressing, and they just sighed and tossed it at me. I guess. I'm going to get you, old lady with a gold tooth. So apparently whoever was waiting on him was an old lady with a gold tooth. He hopes. That was gold. Anyway. an old lady with a gold tooth. He hopes. That was gold anyway.

And he hopes that was a lady. That's probably just a very tough person you don't want to fuck with. Nope. Just an angry man with a gold tooth and beautiful hair. About the size of an old lady. About the size of a 4'8 old man. 4'8 young man. Next up, Tracy One Star.

4'8", old man. 4'8", young man. Next up, Tracy, one star. Unsanitary employees digging up their nose while making people's food. Canceled order and left. Yikes. She saw nose picking and was like, I'm the fuck out of here. I don't blame them.

Oh, my God. That is, wow. That's gross. That's bad here. Next up, one star. This location always has a problem with something. If you stay downtown, they can't serve you after 8 p.m. because of a safety issue. Yeah. Yeah, we close up at 8 because shit gets dangerous real quick.

Downtown Dayton, Ohio? I'll bet it's not good. No, because it's not one of those that's been, oh, we renovated. It's Dayton. It's probably. We're just waiting a minute. Yeah, they're sifting through the husks at this point. Still, it's a mess in there.

Fast food is trash due to quality of fast food. Today is trash due to quality of service and lazy employees. It's not cheap ingredients and, you know, hiring children. Yeah, streamlined shitty food. It's poison, for Christ's sake. What are you talking about? Shut this location down. All caps, three exclamation points. They make downtown Dayton look bad, four exclamation points.

You're ruining the whole city. Don't think that just because I work at Arby's, you're not going to get it. Okay? Oh, my God. That is fucking amazing. Okay, next up. Again, Crystal, one star. Worst experience ever at a fast food restaurant.

Refused to open lobby. They just shook their heads through a closed window. Not yet. Refused to make more than one order in drive-thru. I'm absolutely disgusted with this establishment. Jeremy, the manager, is completely lazy. I thought he deserved a raise because he was so great. Now he's lazy?

He's unpromoted. Fucking Jeremy. Did not help at all. Okay. Jeremy sucks. We'll just say that. Jeremy should do whatever he needs to do. And then finally here, last one, Diane.

One star. They were out of turnovers. I didn't even know Arby's had turnovers. Like an apple turn? Like a dessert? Ew, gross. I never thought of Arby's for pastry items. Anything that's sweet.

No. They asked for a cup of cheese at the speaker oh then asked then asked for a cup of cheese at the speaker got to the window and as we handed the money the girl at the window answered a personal phone call hold on this is my baby hi hold on a minute hi Hold on. Wait. Hold on. Drive-thru person. I'll be out as soon as this bitch takes his food. And we don't have time for you in here because the drive-thru is busy. And then she gets back on the phone.

When we complained and asked for the manager, oh boy, what's Jeremy going to say? She said, I have to call you back, babe. On the phone? On the phone. This lady's asking for the manager. I got to go. The manager came to the window and lady's asking for the manager i gotta go the manager came to the window and said she was calling the gm then they gave us a quarter cup of cheese we asked for more they gave it to us on napkins because it was so full and overflowing hold your hands out

no they gave another cup of cheese but there's so much cheese in the cup they gave it on napkins because there's cheese falling out. They gave you some and you said not enough. So they said, how about as much as this cup could possibly fucking hold? And a little bit more. And more. Now that's a pain in the ass. The whole time the girl and the manager are laughing and thinking it's funny.

I used to work at Arby's. Okay. There we go. I know that isn't policy. What fucking restaurant would go, then when someone comes to the window, call your significant other. And then when they complain, laugh at them and don't give them what they want. That's the policy here at Arby's. Of course it's not fucking policy.

Obviously. Put so much cheese in a cup, it overflows, and you have to hold it with a napkin. That's corporate policy. We'd like you to waste cheese and anger customers. That's Arby's corporate policy right there. Corporate policy. Okay, so let's get out of Arby's here. Please.

Because that, wow, I am full of pee and roast beef. Jeremy's angry and it smells like pee. I just fought an employee. I'm not enjoying this at all. And let's get into the personal item of the and roast beef. Jeremy's angry and it smells like pee. I just fought an employee. I'm not enjoying this at all. And let's get into the personal item of the week, everyone. Oh, boy. Here we go. Personal item of the week.

Let's try to get our mood back up after we've eaten at Arby's. So we were feeling bad about ourselves. Let's get our mood back up. But I'm kind of horny. You got a little bit horny. With the Sex Toys for Women Thrusting dildo all right sex toy rabbit vibrator with 10 vibration seven thrust mode with licking g-spot clitoral vibrators adult toy for couple adult sex toys and games that is so many sensations in one stick how do they expect us to ever ever make them come when that thing exists it's a

purple dick with uh uh you know like an auxiliary clip yeah it looks like it goes in and out i like the i like the three uh ripply lines there it looks like you know yeah i was gonna say it looks like it's hot it looks like it really gets hot It looks like it really gets hot. It looks like it's real warm. Yeah, be careful. This has 4.4 stars here on Amazon. It is $29.99. Wow. Some of these sex toys we've talked about are very expensive. This one's $30 and does everything.

The ball dough was just two pieces of plastic that was like $80 or something. Oh, that's right, yeah. So, about this item, four sex toys in one. Oh, there's four colors, too. Purple, red, pink, you know, for whatever you're into. And black. Oh! Yeah.

I guess, like, Dr. Seuss blue, that neon blue. No, they don't have that. I swung and missed. It's all black. Red, purple, that neon blue. No, they don't have that. I swung and missed. It's all black. Red, purple, pink, and black. The adult toy silicone vibrator for women has a powerful pulsating function with a certain suction to massage any parts. A certain suction? Yeah.

This sex toy for women offers five pulse modes, ten vibrations, seven thrust modes, making it a great adult sex toy. I guess so. Five pulsing modes. This new technology pulse adult toy G-Spot vibrator has five pulse modes. Okay. So you can get all sorts of waterproof and rechargeable. Jesus. Yeah.

All that good stuff. Okay. Here we go. Let's get into this. Five stars from Samantha. Here we go, Sam. Tell us about it. Title of the review is awesome!

Oh! Exclamation point. Yeah. Let's get to... But it's awesome. But let's get... She ordered the red one, by the way, in case you're curious. She shows a picture of her holding it in her hand.

But let's get... Dog dick one. Yeah. Yeah, that's all I would think of. Let's get to the important part, performance. This toy provides mind-blowing sensations like no other. Wow, this sounds great. It offers a wide variety of vibration patterns and intensities, allowing you to customize the experience to your liking.

Jesus, you can program this thing to fuck you amazing unbelievable every woman out there should be writing this down right what is this product this sounds if there was a thing for guys and it was like it just fucks you silly and you can pre-program it to fuck you we'd be like oh my god it'd be 30 bucks most popular thing in the world for 30 for 30 it'd be more popular than bacon it would be so popular every man would just have one in their pocket. Oh, here's my electronic fuck machine. I love this thing. Sounds like Sam's filing for divorce today, though.

Possibly here. It offers a wide range of vibration patterns and intensities, allowing you to customize it to your liking. The powerful vibrations are thunderous and silent. Thunderous. Thunderous. Thunderous. Ensuring a discreet and pleasurable experience every time. I was impressed by the force with which it vibrates. You go crazy very quickly.

Discreet? Where are you using this? This is discreet. Church. RBC. You know, wherever. I don't know. That is the least discreet fuck toy I've ever seen.

PTA meetings, whatever. Whatever you're doing. A big advantage of this toy is it's easy to use controls. With intuitive buttons and simple navigation, it's easy to switch between modes and explore the various settings. In conclusion, if you're looking for an adult toy that combines sophisticated design unparalleled performance and endless pleasure look no further wow it has become an indispensable part of our love life trust me you won't be disappointed thirty dollars thirty bucks that thing does everything changes your life it washed the car when it was done. It went outside, did the dishes.

Here we go. Heather gives it 10 out of 10, or 5 out of 5. But in the review, she says, 10 out of 10, very efficient. Gets the job done fast. Was this like an oil change now? That's a busy gal. That's a busy gal, yeah. There is a lot of settings to work with, but easy to move through.

It's a little noisy, but quick. She's into speed orgasms. That's her thing. Speed cum. That's what she's about. Very good quality, durably made. That's good here. Here's three stars.

Be careful. This thing really heats up. That's not good. Maybe that is an indicator of those three lines. You need to get it over with quick. Yeah, quick. You better heats up. That's not good. Maybe that is an indicator. You need to get it over with quick. Yeah, quick. You better hurry up. It turns red.

That red isn't a dye or anything. That starts glowing. It starts glowing. They say, so no one else is going to talk about how hot this thing gets. Maybe it's you, dude. Like, for real. Granted, it definitely gets the job done, but it gets really, really warm while doing so,

which is a distraction. That's really my only grievance. It's great otherwise. Tiffany gives it three stars, says, it's too loud. This is more like for someone with no kids, LOL. lol mommy what are you chainsawing in there nothing go away mommy are you making cake can i lick the mixer no you can't lick this no you can't lick the beater are you mixing this beater is really beaten it's loud and don't doubt me wrong don't doubt me wrong

don't doubt me wrong it was amazing it's just too loud for a parent who wants alone time okay next up three stars from robin don't bang it on the counter to get the water out what wow she is flowing. Mine broke. Yeah, because you banged it on a counter, you fucking idiot. Don't do that. You smacked it around. Beat the shit out of it here. Next up here, one star, not pleasurable at all, not made with pleasure in mind at all.

Okay. Wow. It's clear this product wasn't even slightly made for pleasure, just a quick buck. You'd think someone who's never had penetrative sex made this. Oh. Okay. The material is mid. There we go again.

Every fucking week. It's a magical fucking fuck machine, but it's mid. Again. For $30. $30, 17 option fuck machine. it's mid again for 30 30 17 option fuck machine mid programmable we're spoiled everyone do you get it we're spoiled as a people this is ridiculous this is ridiculous programmable customizable fuck go back literally substitutes men go back to 1819 go back to that year i'm picking out and go to a woman and tell her about that and she'll go fucking supposed to be fun wow you this is amazing it thrusts for christ's sake she had just like a stick yeah i had to carve this from the old elm that fell in the

storm like robert redford carved his bat in the natural that's what i had to do in the big shape of a dick in the shape of a dick okay uh the materials mid but the motor functions are just too aggressive and and no this isn't a matter of do you like it rough or not lmao this is just someone who took a motor for a different device placed it here and called it a sex toy for what like a lawnmower it's like it's a john deere fucking ride on and then just put it in here instead the pull start should have been to the first hit then probably it's the motor from a walkman like a prison tattoo machine what the fuck okay um i mean hey i can't speak for all but just know you're taking a risk with

this as there's no refund exchange or anything. No, because it goes inside you. I'll say it again. Once you walk out the door, that's your dildo. That's your dildo. Forever. Once it goes inside you, you are saying, I would like to keep this dildo with me and not ever get my money back. Don't be like me, it said. Okay.

All right. Here is one star. I hate it and it's not worth anything. I like the other ones better. Oh. Wow. Never say that to a guy about his dick. I hate it.

It's worse than the other ones. What other ones? Does she like, she'd just rather have a dick or is she has a different one? I think there's other dildos she's enjoying. I like it because the pictures look good. Well, that means nothing. That looks frightening to me. Pictures that she's taking, do you mean?

Oh, hey. Because why would you say I like it because it looked good in pictures? That doesn't matter. But I dislike it because using it. Well, that's the important part. I don't like it because it's not comfortable and the dick was loud. important part right don't like it because it's not comfortable and the dick was loud the dick was louder the greatest three words just was ever put together four words sorry the dick was loud i said three words not quiet but it's quiet in the water

but not out of the water oh Oh, you mean it's waterproof. Apparently it's waterproof. That's why the other was banging it out. But the small attached is quieter and is the only I like. So overall, I hate it. At least I tried. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Sounds like she's more of a surface gal.

Not much of a... Yeah, not much for going. She likes the sucker she likes the little rabbit guy yeah that's fucking amazing she likes the piece on the front oh my god okay here's up chelsea one star bad uti no gross jesus what that's not good all it took was one use and i get a very painful utTI. I wonder if somebody returned that one. That's what I was going to say. Someone wasn't too thrilled with it. I went on antibiotic prescribed by my doctor and those didn't work.

What is it? A progressive, pervasive, like MRSA of UTIs is the thing I give you? It jammed it way up in there. Ended up having to get a shot and so now i'm on two different antibiotics i get super embarrassed when my friends and close ones ask what triggered it just say i don't know you don't have to say oh i got a dildo and you don't even know if that's what happened say i probably didn't go to the bathroom after sex who knows i don't know not sure i know weird right don't know is that sure. I know. Weird, right?

Don't know. Is that easier than explaining this? Well, it had ten speeds and the thrusting and then seven vibrations. Maybe it was used. I think I got an STD from my dildo. Oh, God. My lower back hurts and this UTI isn't going away.

She's going to give us all of her symptoms what a painful experience jesus christ oh fuck um okay here we go one star not what i expected what did you expect um in theory the idea of this toy is exciting but it ends there it ends ends there. It's way too hard and feels like you're going at it with a jackhammer. It's literally painful. All the settings start out too powerful. It's also kind of heavy

and not in a good way. Not in a big cock way. Like an auto parts way. Like a break drum. Yeah, this is dense. I didn't expect it to be that heavy. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone unless you need that much stimulation to get off. Okay.

Sounds like she's judging you if you do. Yeah, she's like, what are you, numb down there? Why do you need all this? Holy shit. Okay, so that's a lot. So now we're sick to our stomach from Arby's. Yeah. We've been beat up by an employee.

Yeah. We've been beat up by an employee. Yeah. And then we went in here and our UTI is killing us. We've been jackhammered, silly. This is a mess right now. We broke our dildo on the counter. Man beat me up and I got an itchy pussy. Yeah, that's terrible. And a stomach full of roast beef.

So let's have someone entertain us shall we let's have someone else be funny god damn it who is it it is albert the clown where's he at he is in new york city okay and uh there's albert there oh albert you're a baby and a dove fucking hack everyone looks like you yep and there's a for some reason a marilyn monroe impersonators in his picture bank is that him in the purple hat too oh yeah no it looks like a lady but no it might be him i don't know what he can't tell clowns who cares so the same yeah yeah here he is he's uh in new york and nearby areas he has 2.9 stars on google not doing great not bringing joy to the children of the tri-state area, it sounds like. But there's not a lot of reviews on this guy either.

That's the other thing. So I don't know how much work he's getting, but I'm going to read most of the reviews here because they are fucking funny. Okay. Here's five stars. By the way, in case you're a new listener, you've never heard our other two shows. I despise clowns with the fire of a

thousand suns. It's not that he's afraid of them. No, I hate them. I hate them. There's a difference. I'm not scared of a clown. I'm angry and want to hit them when I see them. Number one, they're just hacky. Let's do it. Okay, here's this thing. We all have the same three jokes and we all do

them for the last hundred years. How's that? Okay, that's a thing. We all have the same three jokes, and we all do them for the last hundred years. How's that? Okay, that's a profession? Fuck off, number one. And next, coming to the stage is another guy with a water flower. Yeah, oh, but his shoes are different. Oh, look at that. Okay, it's the dumbest shit in the world.

He still has a palm buzzer. Yes, I hate it. And that's the other thing. They know they're scaring some children, and they like it. Clowns are sadistic fucks. Yes. I hate it. And that's the other thing. They know they're scaring some children and they like it. Clowns are sadistic fucks. They get off on that. Dude, if you're a clown for a couple years, how many children have you terrified? You know it.

To be able to keep doing that and go, nah, fuck it. I'll plug right through those kids. Fuck them. You like that. You're a sadistic bastard. I don't like it. I want to say the origin of it is not pleasant also. Yeah, it's not.

The origin of it is, I'm sure, has to do with- It's really bad. Yeah, somebody took that last dildo and did something to somebody with it, I think. Thrust it in like a jackhammer. I'm not going to get too far into it, but it's much worse. Let's get into Albert here. Okay. Enrica gives Albert five stars.

Oh, she loves him. Five stars. Oh, she loves him. Five stars. Albert the Clown, thank you so much for entertaining my nieces and nephews. Okay. They especially loved when you turned their arms into rubber. That was hysterical. He's a magician?

He's magic, I guess, this Albert. He might be the exception here. Next up, five stars. Thank you, Albert, for doing a great job at my son's fifth birthday party. Everybody laughed and had a good time. I will have you back in October for my daughter. Oh. Which is the grossest sentence I've ever heard in my life.

I'll have her ready for you upon an altar. Thanks for what you did for my son. We will pay you in October. Yeah. I will have you back you did for my son. We will pay you in October. Yeah. I will have you back in October for my daughter. You will come and deflower her as well. Like, it sounds disgusting. I will give you my daughter

in October. To use in your act, however you see fit. Here is five stars again. Good value for the money. Used him for a pre-K party in the park. So little kids under five. Kids liked him. Made adults laugh too.

Okay. I don't know how you can. I've never seen a kid really enjoy a clown. No. There's a picture of me at a company picnic with my mother, and I'm just staring at the clown like fucking horrified. Because you don't know what they're supposed to be. What the fuck is happening? Yeah.

They're acting like it's supposed to be funny, but they're not doing anything funny at all. They don't exist anywhere else. Look at me. Look at my face. That's not funny. I'm sorry. You have paint on it. What are you doing?

Yeah, great. What are you? That look is not on your face no what are you why are you looking that's why kids are staring because they're like what is that face you have is that your smile this is creepy you can't read the cues off a clown gina here gina has four stars for albert i love albert he's great loves him at first he was trying to settle down but i had so much fun in the kids in his funny way oh wait i had so much fun and the kids his funny i guess you meant to say he's funny his funny in a corny way okay which is fine you're corny but laughing at him anyway i'm sure y'all

like him too plus his prices are odd good. Odd good. Odd good. They're so cheap. It's like he wants to just be around children for cheap. I paid $2.05 for Mickey Mouse and Clown with Magic Show Balloon Twist and Games, also face paint. Would give him five stars, but he should work on the face painting, LOL. He shit his face painting, LOL. Not a good artist. He shit his face painting.

Now let's get into Albert sucking now. Here is one star for Albert. Very boring waste of money. Okay. It's a clown. He actually says very borning waste of money. Borning. Which is borning.

Not professional. What? It's a clown. I'm defending a clown. A clown is no professionalism required. I need him to say yes, sir, a lot. He, like, kept dropping a banana peel and slipping on it. I'm like, that's not very professional.

He squirted himself with seltzer. I was like, very unprofessional, sir. That's not how I. Yeah, hit himself with a pie in the face. It was ridiculous. Not professional. No music. Oh, that's when...

Yeah, that's the line between amateur and professional. Yeah, you want to hear... Over and over again for two hours. Circus shit in my living room. Constantly in my backyard. And he colored the kid's face with crayon how the fuck do you color kids with crayons he's just like melting it with the big glass there we go ow it's all right kid it'll and it cools down quick right It's all right, kid. It cools down quick. Right? It's all right now, right?

Okay. This way, if it falls off, you'll have a blister in the shape of a flower. Once that blister goes down, that scar is going to be exactly in the shape of a flower. He's branding eight-year-olds. Once that scab falls off, it's going to be lovely. It's going to be there forever. Grab the nearest kid and try to color them. It doesn't work.

How do you do that? Just grab their face and try to color it. I don't think it works. Fuck, I swear to God. If he melted crayons to draw a child. To brand them. Oh, fuck, that's amazing. Oh my god. Do not hire

this clown. I wasn't gonna, but okay. He is not entertaining at all. Paid him $140 for an hour show, and he was only worth $60. This guy's got it. I know how clown prices work.

I know how far my clown dollar stretches. He's like a guy who goes to prostitutes every day, and he's like, she told me a half and half for $120. I was like, lady, it's $80 around here. I know how much it costs. What are you talking about? What are you, a clown? What are you, some kind of clown

um next up karina karina gives one star um this is awesome for a clown review this guy is so disrespectful he sprayed people with seltzer and then he always a clown he said he had a complaint about the crayon so he was spray painting our children. That's all he does. And not worth your time and money. Okay. He was very rude to my family members and had no effort in face painting. Okay.

He just brought a 64 pack of Crayola. The thing is, you can't see the thing that, So I can just smudge some shit on your face. It doesn't matter. Nobody cares. Yeah, the kids don't know. They're just like, ha-ha. Yeah. His jokes were not funny.

Yeah, there's a clown. They're for kids. What do you want them to do? They're the same jokes. Yeah. And kids were upset. Please do not hire this clown because you will be disappointed. Okay.

Yeah, that goes for any clown. If you've got a clown at your house because you will be disappointed. Okay. Yeah, that goes for any clown. If you've got a clown at your house, you should be disappointed. Two more and they're wonderful. Okay. Lily gives one star. I love this. Horrible! Exclamation point.

Yeah. Fell on a child and blamed it on his, quote, bad knee. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I got a bum knee and now, so I'm going to go to the next one. I'm going to go to the next one. I'm going to go to the next one. I'm going to go to the next one. I'm going to go to the next one. I'm going to go to the next one. I'm going to go to the next one. I'm going to go to the next. I'm going to go to the next. I'm going to go to the next Bad knee. Sorry, kid. I got a bum knee and now so do you. Oh, but the clown used to play a little high school ball, if you know what I mean. He's got a little trick knee going on here. Asked a female child if she was married. I think that's a joke. That's a joke.

You're seven. The face painting was disgusting it was disgusting he used he used poop that's what he used to draw he used poop to draw dicks to draw dicks on their foreheads it was just lines and dots uh-huh yeah yeah he's not good at the face painting we can all even the good reviews say face painting can use some work. Probably brush up on it. Very disrespectful jokes. He's too edgy for that. Albert the Clown is a little too edgy.

Made fun of a deaf adult. I picture him making like clowning things like, I can't hear you with his hand in his ear. Ooh, I can't hear. And like dancing in his ear. Ooh, I can't hear. And like dancing around. Holding his belly laughing. Yeah, laughing. And holding both his hands to his ears like, I hear. Great.

He probably had two giant ears and handed him one. Came up with a big clown horn next to him and buzzed at me and do anything. Anything? Anything? Anything? Oh, my God. Do not waste your time or money again. Okay. clown horn and next to him and buzzed at me and do anything anything anything oh my god do not waste your time or money again okay last one one star ghetto is fuck waste of money he also said don't think because i'm a clown that means i won't hit you he didn't say very boring didn't even know what to do with the kids boring magic tricks no rabbit no bird when i get a clown i want magic he said no rabbit no bird yeah clowns don't take

rabbits out of hats that's magicians that's a separate person you hire for the birthday party clowns dance around man and aren't funny and then you get a magician he comes out and does dumb shit too so do that clowns dance around and then propose to seven-year-olds that's what they do no rabbit no bird no balloon animals please don't waste your money and then all caps five exclamation points. Never again. He's furious. Never again. Furious, I'll tell you what. Okay, next up, we need to talk about some apartments here.

Yeah. Because these apartments were a murder site. Yeah. In one of our last deals here, our Small Town Murder Express, a woman was killed here. Tumblewood? Hazelwood? It was Tanglewood. Tanglewood, yeah.

Tanglewood. And then the problem also, at the same time, there was a woman's underwear thief going on in the laundry room. So they were like, is he the killer? Because the woman who was killed had her underwear stolen from the laundry room and then she's brutally beaten to death in her apartment so it's a terrible story you should listen to it hilarious stuff though good show anyway terribly funny but funny too yeah so this they've changed their name since then that was 20 years ago yeah they're like we need to this is it's tanglewood is the murder department. We can't do it, yeah. So they renamed it The Residences at Arlington Heights, which is, it's in Arlington Heights, Illinois, and it is 2134 South Gobert Road, Arlington Heights, and it gets 3.1 stars on Google.

Okay. This is out of nearly 550 reviews, too. Oh, that's a lot of people that lost their security deposit and they are pissed. The verdict is in, folks. It's very mid. Not great. Mid is right. Stan gives it five stars. Now, when they remodeled it, they put in like

bowling alleys and shit like that too. Oh, they did like a community center. Yeah. I have been a resident for three years and I'm very happy. I'm happy with my unit and the new kitchen upgrades. I've been impressed with maintenance as they are very timely. Front office very friendly. Daughter loves the game room and bowling alley.

Lastly, the location to shops on I-90 can't be beat. Yeah. So five stars. They love it. Another person, Lem, gives it five stars. I love this place. It's nice and spacious. Property manager is the best and helped with all my needs.

At first, my credit score wasn't enough, but I worked hard and they followed up with me and made sure I could meet my goal. It sounds like they needed a tenant. Yeah, they were like, I mean, well, I guess. He wants to live here. 530 is not so bad, I guess. I recommend this place. The swimming pool is amazing. The gym is spectacular.

And most of all, it's peaceful with beautiful private balconies. I've definitely found my dream place. And thanks to the property manager, Jeanette, for giving me the opportunity to stay in such a wonderful place. Wow. Have you ever lived in an apartment where you were like, I found my forever place? No. What? You're going, well, this place is shitty.

Okay, I got to live here a year. Okay, that's what you do. I promised him I'd stay. Shit. A year in this dump. All right. Next up, Lisa Five Stars. Very nice, quiet building.

Very clean, extremely happy, very accommodating, and very nice and professional. The manager, Jeanette happy. Very accommodating and very nice and professional. The manager, Jeanette, is. So she's very nice and professional. Other staff is also nice and professional. Okay, great. All right. Now let's do one star. One star for Christina.

Don't be fooled, all capital letters. Bamboozling around here. Oh, boy. Don't think I won't kick your ass just because I'm working at Arby's. Choosing this place was a horrible decision. Well, at least they put it on them. I shouldn't have made this decision. They draw you in with the amenities that you can't even use most of the time.

The pool is beautiful and nice when you're allowed to use it. It's only open for a few hours a day, and that's if the lifeguard shows up. Oh, you have to have a lifeguard an apartment complex pool the bowling alley can only be used on the weekend until the office closes friday 7 p.m saturday 4 p.m sunday closed well that's yeah they got to keep people from fucking it's you're throwing heavy balls down a lane you got to make sure people are being safe they're going to be shit-faced in there otherwise, I think. It's probably what it is. Lobbing balls through the fucking window. No shit.

They also don't tell you that they accept Section 8. I'm not saying if you're from another country, that means that's like government subsidizing for housing. So that's like if you're on welfare or whatever. I'm not saying that everyone that needs assistance is ghetto or scumbags, but from what I've seen in this place, they are in all capital letters. Oh my God. For someone that works hard and wants to live in a nice community, this is not it. Drug addicts, drug dealers, the cops are here practically every day. It's a fucking apartment complex.

It's a shitty apartment complex. Yeah, that describes every apartment complex I lived in in Phoenix. Every one of them. Every single one of them. And I went, oh, yeah, it's an apartment complex. You've got hundreds of people living in the same area. There's going to be crime. Well, then it gets worse, though. We have homeless people doing drugs hiding behind the dumpster yes that's

everyone i've ever lived in yeah the rats are out of control well now we're now we're pushing it now that's too much now i'm out now just last night i was walking my dogs and i could hear rats squealing and banging around under the hood of someone's car oh my god they were taking a catalytic converter is what was going on or installing a new one a new one or installing anything they were just changing the oil that's what they're putting in some new plugs lady go away oh my god i've almost stepped on two dead rats lying around and it takes days for them to get someone to remove them do your research this place was on the news for bed bug infestation that they weren't doing anything about until the residents got the media involved this is a nightmare oh my god the most

recent story this place made it on the news for was a woman that set her apartment on fire and displaced all of her neighbors and destroyed their homes and belongings. Thank God for the fire department's quick response because it would have been so many others. She was arrested for arson. So it wasn't an accident. This happened just one building away from me. I know a few people that have actually paid money just to break their leases to get out of here. I work way too hard for the life i have to have it to have

to live like this i wish i did better research before signing a 50 page lease they send you i guess not so yeah interesting okay oh wow that's a lot here yeah uh one star from cat originally first look of the space we thought it had new carpeting because of the tufts of fiber around. Yeah. Yeah, that's nice. It was actually from mice burrowing. Oh, my God. God, that is not new carpeting.

I thought she was going to say from the steam cleaner yanking fibers out. No. No. Oh, God damn it. Neighbors had cockroaches. Mm-hmm. Experienced theft of personal items from laundry room. It's still happening.

Oh, Jesus. From 20 years ago. It's the same guy. Which personal item? The thruster? Five foot four mustache. Black mullet? Black mullet.

Is that what's going on here? Strange people soliciting and saying inappropriate things. You want to buy some magazines and let me feel your tits? Is that what you'd say um swat visits of uh the neighbors several times yeah and a stabbing near johnny's beef i don't know if that's a restaurant or just where johnny got stabbed yeah i don't know staff can enter your home whenever even when you're not home. Unfriendly staff that probably hate their job. It's all face here.

Oh, boy. They also charged me for something that wasn't missing after move out. There's also a lot of car theft in the area. The only positive is that the police patrol the area often. No, that's not positive. That's because they're called there. They're tired of coming across town to get here, so they have a guy that's just around the area. Yeah, just to hang around here.

Yeah, just he'll be called there. Resource officer. Don't worry. Next up, one star. This place, which used to be called Tanglewood, was notorious for reviewing stuffing under the tyranny of this Jeanette. What? I don't know. Review stuffing. So

stack in the positive reviews. Under the tyranny of this, and in quotes, Jeanette. It's not even a real name. We don't even know. Jeanette, we don't even know if that's a real name. This alleged Jeanette. Those reviews may still be online and

are still relevant. The positive reviews here, most often by people showing only one review, just do not ring true and are in stark contrast to the real reviews posted on Google and other review sites. I lived at this place years ago. This place is what the expression lipstick on a pig was invented for. Slapping some paint on it. The apartments themselves were thrown up on the cheap in the seventies and are just flimsy and rickety. They are not even close to luxury that the fancy rental office would, would try to portray the renovations.

They claim are just carpet, more layers of paint and cabinets, but still the same boxes we paid $300 a month for with none of the add on with all of these add on fees, with all of these add-on fees. Fees, fees, and more fees. Fees, fees, and more fees. $300 a month is what they used to pay, and now what are they?

Oh, I'd love to know their rates today. And then it says, the next year of your life is at stake. Okay. Wow. It's that dead serious. That is fucking amazing. Here's Steven. Here, one star. This is the worst place. That is fucking amazing. Here's Steven. Here, one star.

This is the worst place I have ever lived in. Okay. Overpriced and the staff are jerks. Yeah. They act like they're so superior. Uh-huh. No compassion and a waste. Trust me.

Do not live in this complex. When you get your unit, it will look like someone had a two hour to complete the whole rehab. Paint is horrible. Everything is horrible. Trust me. Avoid this place at all cost. No punctuation whatsoever. They got off in a panic fucking thing here.

That's a bad person. Yeah. A very mad person. Okay. Here's a fun one. Brianna, one star. Cheap and rude. Yeah.

Yeah. Is that Albert again? Yeah. This goes to describe the management and the upkeep of the place. First, the Hispanic lady at the pool, Jeanette. That's Jeanette. Oh, it's Jeanette. Named Jeanette.

There she is. There's Jeanette again. Scolded me for giving my boyfriend a peck on the lips. Oh. No kissing. Please don't fuck in my pool yeah that's probably what it is i begged him to go swimming with me and he hates it but he came anyway so i said thanks with a kiss that could have couldn't have lasted more than one second so there you go

that's fucking messed up jeanette doesn't want them banging by the pool that's all it is just please don't please don't fuck by the pool. Don't do anything gross here. Next up, one star, formerly known as Tanglewood Apartments, and then they have two news releases. Arlington Heights stabbing in Tanglewood Apartments on April 20, 2009. A man in his 20s

was stabbed near his apartment at about 3.30 p.m. Broad daylight. Jesus. Yeah, Arlington Heights police quickly responded and found the male victim in his apartment. The attack apparently started outside. Police have several crime scenes since the crime moved from outdoors into the apartment. The victim, a

known gang member, was walking away from the Tanglewood apartment's leasing office when two alleged gang members of another gang who figured it wasn't his, chased him and stabbed him in the back. Then they go on to our small-town murder. A Chicago woman charged Monday in the fatal beating of Kristen Popelka, 22, of Arlington Heights, may have just been driven by jealousy.

I wonder who's got her apartment. Someone's got her apartment. 109, wasn't it? 109. I don't know if they changed the numbers. Yeah, they probably did. Oh, no, 109 was the regular small-town murder. Oh, you're right.

That was the one, yeah, that probably did. Oh, no. 109 was the regular small town. Oh, you're right. You're right. That was the one. Yeah, it was there. Okay. So that is kind of terrifying here, I would say. Jesus Christ. Okay. Here we go. Last one for them.

One star from Kendra. I've lived here for about four months, and man, this place is not worth what you pay for. Beginning of this month, I had an attempted car theft by a neighboring resident. Oh, my God. One of her neighbors tried to steal her car. Where were they going to take it? Three spots over? Now I park it under my covered parking spot, number 27.

What do you think of that? Is that my car? Yeah, why is it in that guy's spot? Holy shit, that's amazing. We pay $10 a month for parking, but there are no cameras. $10 a month? That's very cheap. But to park in a place with no, what do you get for that, though?

Yeah, with nothing. Yeah. You're just getting a space for that? Is it like a garage? Is it covered? What am I getting here? I don't understand that. Interesting.

what am i getting here i don't understand that um interesting um also i've never seen so many centipedes in such a small space in my entire life oh my god wow uh so they definitely have a pest issue something we also pay to quote maintain please be wary and consider all the reviews before signing your life away. Jesus Christ here. Get back on your feet in the next 11 months and get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. And then last one, one star from AM. If I could give this place zero stars, I would. I would.

When I was moving in, every time, when I was moving in, Patty and Jeanette were so, in quotes, helpful. Yep. Made the process so glamorous looking. That's what they do. Moving into a middle-range apartment is never a glamorous. But that's literally their job to do. You're going to be great here.

Your life is going to start over. Oh, boy. Fresh start. Put that divorce behind you. Yeah. And you go, I'm going to need a couple of days on the rent this month. And they're like yeah we're gonna think about kicking you out tomorrow get behind the dumpster with the junkies

yeah um i was proven wrong quick mold issue in my hvac and in the bathroom gross bugs everywhere people smoking cigarettes in the hallways and packages stolen always. It's got internal corridors. Yeah. Management acts nice but doesn't really care. Nope. Don't expect to feel safe here either. The activity that they allow is astonishing. It's a shithole is what it is.

Astonishing. Astonishing. So next up, and we'll close this out with a few and then we'll continue this, what we're going to do here. We'll bridge this into next week. We're going to talk about, let's go to Ybor City in Tampa. You guys think we're kidding? You think we're kidding? Roosters in the streets.

This is the most awful place there is. This is the devil's taint, as we've called it, and everything else. It's just a shithole. When you think about a pirate port, they're literally living it. And they do it on purpose. Yes. They love it. I bought drugs in the Bronx in the fucking 90s, and it is not nearly as terrifying as Ybor City.

Ybor City, I stood with my back against the the wall hand in my pocket on my box cutter getting ready to slash a motherfucker i was getting ready for it some arby's employee gonna come up and assault me get away noah so what are people doing in there because i'm like what are people doing they're going to nightclubs apparently and here's one of them the tangra nightclub in tampa 3.5 stars on Google. And this is at 1161 East 7th Avenue in Tampa. And it says it's a music and cocktails and a spacious multi-level night spot with a rooftop dance floor and trendy decor. Is this, I think this is across the street from the club. I think it is.

That's why I picked it, I think, too. So let's get into this here. Starts out five stars. Some people love it is that's why i picked it i think too so let's get into this here uh starts out five stars some people love it here's one francis five stars best bar slash club in tampa hands down best best crystal the manager is amazing uh-huh great service and a smile steven the host is great and very nice okay if you remember two employees names that means you're uh you're there way too often that means you know these people. Or you know these people and you're just friends of theirs because you don't go to a nightclub and

remember two employees' names. You just don't. I don't think I ever remember a single one. V, the waitress on the rooftop, is super cool. She knows everybody. V, the main floor and rooftop are hands down at another level than every other single bar in Tampa bra.

I put on but wandering around. She's fucked down and have a drink dirt bag rooster shit on his feet. Come back. What a scumbag. I don't like him. Next up Jesse five stars. Next up, Jesse Five Stars. This is an amazing establishment for a fun night out with a date or friends, which provides you with three floors filled with distinctive ambiance to keep your night far away from boring.

Okay. With its loaded bar and great music. Thursdays and Sundays are lively with DJ Tony C on the turntables. Yikes. Count me in, brah. Okay. Next up, Lucas with one star. Now, Lucas, his profile picture is of a paunchy man with a Homer Simpson hairline.

Literally. Fantastic. Hair around completely bald, glasses, beard. A dumpy guy who shouldn't be going to nightclubs. Well, if you go to, you shouldn't expect to get laid in a nightclub. Put it that way. Right, right, right. One star for him. He says the biggest problem with this location as an Uber driver is he's an Uber driver.

He doesn't even go to it. He keeps dropping people off there. No. They have an extremely aggressive security guard who runs off Ubers and stops them from making pickups unless they pay to park. Oh, okay. So bad for uber drivers here um this is good now it gets into security guards run amok in this fucking place yeah i believe it through tons of reviews like tons of women said that they gave the guards the purses to look through and then they their cell phones were gone like multiple people said missing yeah

yeah yeah uh and that's a terrible thing to take from a woman that's out on the on the town yeah And then their cell phones were gone. Like multiple people said that. Shit's missing. Yeah. Yeah. And that's a terrible thing to take from a woman that's out on the town. Yeah. She needs it to contact friends. Especially there. Right. Yeah. A woman in Ybor City. Oh, she needs help.

I would give her a bazooka and not feel like she's safe. Are you kidding? I didn't feel safe. I'm a large man. I felt like I got a head on a fucking swivel. Your phone is everything there. If I'm Bree drunkenly fucking you know teetering on top of these heels coming out of a bar at night she needs protection in a white

tube dress yeah tampa uniform i believe that's the official mayoral inaugural uniform that she's wearing that night right that white tube dress with like that ruffle shit right right on the sleeves connects to the tube thing um uh one star from brie experience was terrible all caps i would never recommend going there bouncers security guards feel like it's okay to call women out of their name and not get a reaction out of anyone. What does that mean? Call women out of their name. Maybe out by their name? By their name.

They feel like they can put hands on and punch whoever just because they have a position. Zero out of ten experience. That feels like Tampa. That feels exactly like Tampa. Here we go. Natalia, one star. Bartender with pink hair on the top floor is the worst woman I have ever met in my life. Worst woman?

Worst woman. God damn it, V. Like four billion women. The worst one ever. She's up there. Pink hair. You'll see her. Can't miss her.

Rude and nasty throughout the entire experience. This woman took my best friend's ID without explanation. My friend is 22 and then writes 22 in number two. Years old. She then proceeded to tell the bouncer to kick us out of the club without explanation and brought us to the police where her ID was verified and returned. Oh.

Please verify her bartending license immediately. She doesn't have a bartending license. I don't know. Wow. That's not a thing. I don't think that's a thing. She also kicked my friend out last month after asking for a Red Bull, a non-alcoholic drink. Just a heads up.

Get out, pussy. Get out, you fucking pussy. That's not expensive enough for that. We put Captain Morgan in that. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. a heads up get out pussy get out you fucking pussy we that's not expensive we put captain morgan in that oh my god jesus christ um okay one more and then we'll call it a guy we'll cross it over to next time here mariah one star please please please beware with going to this club and the security team um is poor my iphone was stolen out of my purse within the first five minutes of entering the establishment and about six other women as well. And this isn't the first time this has happened.

They stated this was a good night for them with good night for them with someone stealing phones. Be on high alert because they will pickpocket you, especially ladies. But you can't really do anything with an apple phone if it's registered to it you can't fucking use that no it's i mean what are they gonna do with it you can sell it i guess to get there maybe you could get the financial information i don't know buy thing i don't possibly break into it next up last star. Got to do this one because it's hilarious here. One star. This is from Leanna. The bouncer sucks. Sucks.

Took my money, put it in his bag, and then didn't even let me in. He took the cover and was like, nah, you can't come in. Then literally gaslighted me, saying I was too drunk and never gave him money. Oh, God. This person said, I gave you money. And he said, no, you didn't. You're too drunk. I was literally just high never gave him money. Oh, God. This person said, I gave you money. And he said, no, you didn't. You're too drunk. I was literally just high.

Not even drunk. This place sucks. I was on bath salts. This place sucks. It was literally just. So I was on like four grams of meth. That's all it was. I wasn't drunk.

I'm not drunk. This is Molly. It's Tampa. Yeah, it is Molly. So what if my pupils were the size of a fucking dinner plate? There you go, everybody. That's your stupid opinions. We'll finish up Ybor City Shithole Nightclub next week.

I can't wait. And we'll have lots more crazy shit for you. Thank you so much for joining us. Follow on all the social medias. Join the Facebook groups. Keep hanging out with us. Also, certainly listen to Crime and Sports and Small Town Murder. And we will see you every Monday, everybody.

Thank you so much and have a good one. It's just Molly. We'll see you next time. stupid opinions ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.