Your Stupid Opinions - Bargaining For A Lady, Swinging On The Door, Moldy Romance

Episode Date: February 12, 2024

Special Valentine's Day edition! We find some strong opinions about a disappointing place for romance, complete with disease giving hot tubs. A swing that seems to leave more people injured, than in ecstasy. A legal brothel where they don't take kindly to price haggling. A matchmaking service that appears to leave most unmatched & much more!!Join comedians James Pietragallo and Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section!Subscribe and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!!!Don't forget to rate & review!!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie WhismanSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to your stupid opinions ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello everybody and welcome back to a very special, very romantic Valentine's Day edition of Your Stupid Opinions. Hey! My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. We're jacked for this. This is fun. We have some extra personal item stuff and then we just have some, it's just romance. You'll see. Don't worry. personal item stuff and then we just have some it's just romance you'll see don't worry it's all sorts of stuff that you get you just feeling warm and valentine's whether you're single whether

you're a couple it doesn't matter we got it all for you here don't worry about that yeah don't say well i'm single i don't want to hear coupley valentine's love too we got stuff for you too don't you worry so right off the bat oh just want to say by the way follow us on social media we have pages on all the social media sites. And also there's fan pages, listener pages that have lots of people in there and they're posting their own reviews and laughing at shit. So seems like a good time. Join the community. And, of course, also listen to Crime and Sports and your – now this is your stupid opinions – and Small Town Murder, our other podcast, which are very self-explanatory in title.

You get it. Check those out too because they're damn funny and weird as well so that said let's get right into this man okay it is fun stuff here uh let's get into this right away let's say you're a couple and you want to get away for this is like you're you want to get a romantic Valentine's Day weekend getaway, man. You know what I mean? One of those. If your relationship is going.

Lover's Day. Things are going great. Maybe you're only a couple years in and you're like, oh, it's the big deal. But you're going to go to someplace romantic. And that place is the Pocono Palace Resort. This is a place. The Poconos had a bunch of resorts back in the day that were for lovers, they used to say. Lovers resorts.

And they're all... Tell people what that place is, James. It's a disgusting jizz pit with... It's a mountain range. It's a mountain range in rural Pennsylvania. That's where it is. The Poconos. It sounds exotic.

It's not. Disgusting. It's a, well, the actual hotels are. It's disgusting. All right. That's fine. Because they're round beds. They have, they all have that.

But they say the Poconos, and the word the Poconos sounds like a beautiful chain of islands in the Caribbean. It's absolutely not. No, it's a fucking mountain range in rural PA. In rural eastern Pennsylvania. That's exactly what it is. East of Scranton, I believe. Yeah. So, in the Caribbean. No, it's a fucking mountain range in rural PA. In rural eastern Pennsylvania. That's exactly what it is. East of Scranton, I believe. So in the same area.

It's not the Keys. No. So round beds and they have heart-shaped jacuzzis right in the room. Some of the rooms have the big champagne glass hot tub. It's cheesy 80s, 70s for lovers. Just mirrors on the ceilings of all the places you've seen them come here and fuck is what they're saying and if you're from new york new

jersey connecticut anywhere in the northeast tri-state area that area you heard as if you grew up in the 80s and 90s on a loop because it was on every on wp and WWOR, whatever the hell it was, Channel 9, Channel 11, the constant commercials for beautiful Mount Airy Lodge. Unbelievable amount all the time. And that's what they'd show, these heart-shaped tubs. And that place was demolished in 2001, and they built a casino on it instead. Oh, yeah. That's what the people want now.

Yeah. This is a place that is instead. Oh, yeah. This place. That's what the people want now. Yeah. This is a place that is just like that, though. It's the same exact thing as beautiful Mount Airy Lodge, but it's called Pocono Palace Resort and heart-shaped hot tubs in the room and round beds, which apparently will make you fuck better on a round bed. I don't know. The word poke is in it, James. It's poke.

Poke, oh no. I don't know why a round bed would be better for sexual activity. I can't. i don't know the word poke is in it james it's poke poke oh no um i don't know why a round bed would be better for for sexual activity i can't i don't know but that every time you see anything that's like uh fucking inspired the bed's round i don't get why that is like like a penis and like a like a i don't know like what it is i don't know a whole yeah oftentimes i don't know this is a 206 fantasy It's always round oftentimes. I don't know. This is at 206 Fantasy Road. Fantasy Road, they call it. See what I mean?

Oh, boy. East Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania. They have four stars on Google, and that is out of 4,399 reviews, so very much reviewed here. And let's see. You can see the outside. I'll show you. It's a beautiful area.

Nice lake and all that. Oh, there's a lake? There's the round bed. There it is. There's your jizzy hot tub. Heart-shaped hot tub. So here we go with some positive reviews because, hey, we can't be all negative here. Let's see what people who liked it said.

This is Corky. Corky gives it five stars. Yeah. My husband and I went to Pocono Palace for our honeymoon. It was a great experience. The food was delicious and the staff was great. Entertainment was wonderful because they have a bar with bands and comedians, by the way. Oh, boy.

Yeah, there's comics. This is their gig. Best part is it's for couples only. No kids allowed! You can walk around with your dick out here. No one cares. It's for couples only. No kids allowed, exclamation point. Oh. You can walk around with your dick out here. No one cares. It's all good.

Definitely would recommend this as either a nice little getaway or a location for your honeymoon. We plan to come back again in the next few years. Thanks for a great honeymoon, Pocono Place. Palace, not place. Yeah. Next up is Irene. Gives it five stars. Fun games, bar bingo, tune saloon and freaky feud led by Courtney.

He was quick with the joke. His response made it a great time. Everyone that worked there was polite and helpful, except for that one lady at the front desk. I wish I had gotten her name. She was the only one that should not be employed there. I hope I wish she got her name, too. I wish I had gotten her name. She was the only one that should not be employed there. I hope I wish she got her name too. I wish I had gotten her name. I could just picture Irene saying that she was a bitch.

Here's finally five stars here. The experience was awesome. Had a great time. The rooms were dated and our jacuzzi tub wasn't usable. Well, what? That's not five stars then. How is that five stars? then we had a charge on our bill for our first night there from the lounge but paid by card our entire trip so it was all

paid for by card so i would recommend checking your bills so they rob you the room is dated and the tub doesn't work five stars best place ever this is a you stayed easy what what do you have to do to get one star in this place? Right. Come in with guns drawn and tie these people up and rob them? They did use a soft rope, so you know what? I can't give them one star. Two stars.

When they tied us up, it was not real. They literally took money from you. Yeah. Jesus. We never told the lounge worker our room number. Outside of the erroneous charge and the jacuzzi not being usable, it was an amazing experience. Everyone was great, the staff and guests. I'd still recommend the place, but for the price, the rooms could for sure use a little updating. How good was the sex, I think this person invited some of the staff in. Niecy gives five stars again. We went out for our anniversary.

The breakfast was the best. We loved the waffle maker. It's a great conversation starter location, LOL. Oh, my God. The waffle maker, the self-making waffles like at a fucking hotel's business center. That's a great place to meet other couples to come back to your room. Is that what she's saying? Well other couples to come back to your room yeah what she's saying well that's listen to this it gets worse um oh boy okay um we we talked to

guests every morning while making our waffles and everyone was so pleasant dinner the first night was better than the second night but our server sebastian was the absolute best with a heart emoji he was so great that we requested him the next day before we left. I feel like they invited Sebastian in for a little party. Thanks, Sebastian. Request Sebastian. Double exclamation point. Thanks, Sebastian.

Wow. He will bang you while your husband jerks it in the corner of the room. Let me tell you something. He put Sebastian. That's right. Let me tell you something. He puts the bash in Sebastian. That's right.

The room was absolutely beautiful with the champagne jacuzzi and heart-shaped pool with the sauna. The bed was uncomfortable and had sinkholes. Can tell it's been wore out by guests if you know what I mean, LOL. Oh, my God. Five stars. They got a worn out fuck cot. Five stars. You felt somebody else's body print in the fucking bed.

Yeah, an ass. Oh, my God. We went on the paddle boat ride, and it was nice. The boat crew was very helpful. There's lots of places to walk and enjoy your partner. Gross. And romantic. Here's one star.

Not so great. Okay. I brought my husband here for his birthday, and it was a lot of details they left out when I booked it. Yeah, like the jacuzzi doesn't work and the bed has knee marks on it. I love when somebody says it was a lot of details. It was a lot of details. Yeah, it was a lot. It was really a lot. I paid for the Roman Tower, which is too close to Eiffel Tower, and I don't like it.

That's just funny. And I did not get room service unto my day three. I guess until is what they're going for there. I had to put in a request for housekeeping. I think that's what they mean. For the price you pay, you shouldn't have to ask for bubble bath,

logs for the fireplace, et cetera. The food was horrible, three exclamation points and a period, just to let you know. Just let you know I'm done you know, I'm done. It's really done now. A period holds it all in there. For the New Year's Eve party, oh Christ, they went for New Year's Eve, we had to stand in line just to get a table.

Yeah, it's New Year's Eve, so every bar is full. Everything. You went out? Jesus. Yeah, that's your fault. The band played old 50s songs and a little bit of updated songs. This is our first time here. We will never come back! This not only for his birthday, but our anniversary. I guess they won't come back not only for his birthday, but the anniversary.

The upkeep on the rooms looked like a red roof inn. Strands on the wall in the bathroom. I guess hair is what they're going for their shower jacuzzi molding peeling off etc i could have stayed in dc and had a better room and charged less and the food would have tasted better i would not recommend anyone to any of their resorts very very disappointed customer one two three four five six six exclamation points not good um this is really fucked and i'll show you a picture of this erica gives one star 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Six exclamation points. Okay. Not good. This is really fucked, and I'll show you a picture of this.

Erica gives one star. Limited breakfast times with mandatory reservations. Mushroom growing in Champagne Tower Suite. What? And roaches in massage table area. Gross. Smells of black mold. The mushroom really killed the ambiance. Look at the oh my it's so big it's growing from between the tile and the mirror and it's like

five inches tall it's been there a minute you'll definitely trip if you eat that i don't know if you'll die afterwards but you will see your dead relatives if you eat that fucking thing it's so big but that's a strong mushroom it plowed through like concrete grout through tile grout that is impressive um here's one star next up uh jg i had a very unpleasant terrible stay here my wife got shocked with an electric spark when she tried to plug in her charger well don't touch the prongs when you plug it in wow so at 2 a.m in the morning not in the evening 2 a.m not that one 2 a.m in the afternoon got that one too they don't have that we had no power in the room and we had to move to another room and had to pack everything in the dark yeah it's 2 a.m that's fucked up and then we were told that the shock happened because of the charger that we had the charger when we have a standard iphone charger like you can't plug those in that's too new you gotta plug

like one of those remember those razors from like 2007 you can plug those in but nothing an old blackberry maybe maybe i'm. I'm not even going to. You got a fucking iPhone? Jesus, look at you. Very unhappy with the way they handled everything. Would not recommend for anyone to stay here. Okay. Okay, this person has quite the fucking monologue, so I'm going to go through it real quick. The name is Don Guido.

Okay. Booked a five-day romantic getaway package, including meals and the New Year's bash. We was bashing. The bash. Upon arrival was told our room wasn't ready yet. Over a three-hour drive and 40 minutes past check-in time, we finally got into our room. Finally. That bash was bashing on the door. This guy guy's got nothing he has lived my life on the

road asshole kidding me this is a pathetic well a room was very clean but could have used a few updates wall paneling up the stairway and upstairs was split open at every seam i know a guy if they want to fix it my cousin's got a contracting company come right over you i got a staple gun in the trunk i can fix it i'll fix it it'll cost you though uh let's see holes patched on wall up stairway were hideous and very unprofessionally installed and i know i'm a contractor so i know these things whole room had a musty smell and carpets were very outdated for the money they charged i expected a more modern updated room also for the money they charged, I expected a more modern, updated room. Also, for the money I paid, I wouldn't have expected to have to buy my own wine

glasses, champagne slash bubble bath for jacuzzi slash sauna, and fire starter to use the fireplace. Really? Can't supply one bottle of one dollar bubble bath? At least one Duraflame pack pack dinner options were very limited

and the food was horrible well yeah what do you expect although i must say our first dinner was awesome definitely five star after that it was just horrible and mainly the same dinner options each night new year's eve party was so uncoordinated after paying as part of the package still had to sign up earlier that day to guarantee a table. And the band they had for the New Year's Eve party just didn't fit the occasion. Not that the band was good or bad. I like that. I'm not judging.

Not one side or the other. No, no, no. It was just a senior citizen cover band doing a variety of music, such as Bruno Mars, Queen, Justinin timberlake acdc etc the normal stuff we're gonna follow bruno mars with a fucking back in black now that's wild shit and then we're gonna do cry me a river um and then follow that up well she's got the jack that's right for every pop song we're gonna hit you with an ACDC. That's what's going to happen. I'm sorry.

I don't know what to tell you. We know the whole fucking catalog. We got it all. More like your grandfather's birthday party band. Even the comedian was horrible. I believe that. Yeah, that I believe. That is exactly what I believe here.

I want to know exactly what he paid for five days in the Poconos. From what I understand, these rooms, there's a big range in room sizes, but they seem to be about $300 a night. Okay. Wow, he's probably got $1,500 buried in this? Yeah, it's something like that. He goes on to really go off about the Dura Flame and the bubble bath. He's got like a whole paragraph about that I'm going to skip. New Year's is ruined. He said, I can pay premium prices again to encounter the same negative experience.

Trust them? Question mark. LOL, LOL. I didn't want to write all negative. You know, I want to be fair here. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But for the price they charge and what they offer is nothing but negative.

Although the staff is very friendly, I even complimented my first meal. I just assumed the janitor cooked the rest of the meals. He's got jokes. He's got jokes here. He says, just a money scam. Dana gives one star. Oh, it's a profit thing? It's a profit deal.

It's the money scam. False advertisement, he also says. Not romantic at all. Dana gives one star. I had the worst time ever this past Saturday night. My husband and I booked the Roman Towers, and when we looked inside the pool, there was a used condom stuck to the jet.

Stuck to the jet? Stuck to the jet. Flopping around. Just like flopping? Yeah. We were like, what is that? Oh, that is someone's sperm inside of our hot tub. It probably got sucked into the pool filter and circulated back out.

That's awesome. Like a party paper. It's shooting out like a little fishtail, wiggling out. Like a sideways wiggly man in front of a car. New Year's Eve noisemaker. That's what he's got there. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. It's so wild.

It gets better. The water looks so cloudy. That's not good after I've ever heard. It's so wild. It gets better. The water looks so cloudy. That's not good after a year's got him. Not to mention the rest of the room didn't seem like it was clean. This is something I expect from a dirty no-tell motel, not a room that costs $600 a night. Yeah. The staff, especially the guy in the gift shop, was very nice after everything happened, but we'll never come back to one of these Cove Haven resorts again, which is sad because we really enjoyed our stay two years ago.

Okay. One out of five here from Chantel. I was in the Fantasy Apple 327. That's the room. And there was so much black mold in my room. I was sick for my wedding day. The toilet didn't flush and was leaking all over the floor. That's nice.

That's probably why you were sick. That's why you were sick. You were poisoned. Next door, they were hammering and sawing from morning till night. A pipe must have broken. My room smelled like septic. It was so bad, my eyes burned. The heat didn't work in our room.

And the pool was so cold and dirty with hair floating in it i got sick from the food at dinner my food was raw undercooked and cold my wedding week there was awful i cried when i got home worst memories and wedding honeymoon ever you made a bride sob in her dress that's what you did did. You got her sick. You made her eyes sting. She was in a Ben Stiller movie all weekend. And then lastly, because it's the weirdest one, Josh gives it one star. This is awesome.

I even have a fucking like his prescription paper after this that I needed after the place. Okay. I'm utterly disgusted and furious with my experience at the Pocono Palace Resort in August 2021. My partner and I

were looking forward to a romantic getaway in the Champagne Tower suite, but it turned into a nightmare. Dun, dun, dun. As we were enjoying our time sipping champagne and indulging in romance

in the Champagne Jacuzzi. Indulging in romance. Boy. I was inside of her is what he just said. We fucked in Jacuzzi.ging in romance boy i was inside of her is what he just said we fucked in your we were suddenly horrified to discover floating objects in the water what were they in disbelief i grabbed the champagne chalice and started scooping out the repulsive debris only to pour it into the shower tub to examine it under the lights. Let's have a science experiment now.

To my absolute horror, it was revolting brown fungus. Okay. Instead of addressing the issue promptly and ensuring our comfort, the resort staff simply moved us to another room. But guess what? The air conditioning in the new room was broken. It was like they couldn't care less about our well-being and satisfaction.

To make matters worse, as a result of this disgusting encounter, I developed Candida Belanitis in my genitals. Whoa, what is that? Okay. The pain and discomfort were unbearable, forcing me

to seek medical attention at Pocono's urgent care. I have since seen five doctors, all because of the repugnant fungus that ruined years of my relationship. Holy shit. We've taken legal action by filing a lawsuit with Monroe County and the case is still ongoing.

The fact that this nightmare is unresolved and continues to haunt us is infuriating. I am beyond angry and disgusted with he was utterly angry and disgusted earlier. Now he's beyond angry and disgusted with the Pocono Palace Resort. Their negligence, lack of concern for their guests' well-being is absolutely unacceptable. This experience not only ruined our romantic getaway, but it's caused significant physical, emotional distress and mental anguish.

I strongly advise everyone to steer clear of this resort unless you want to get your cherished memories tainted by a fungus infested nightmare this man's balls got a fungus he's got a patient this is from the pocono uh urgent care oh my god it's all right there his id number on the thing is date of birth and it says that's that's he's been he has a prescription uh nice stat nice statin prescription they gave him uh get rid of some of that funk knock knock the dirt off your dick pal his balls are ruined for years ruined for years years of his relationship so there's the resort now you're at the resort and you've come to have like a horny weekend with your partner here right so let's set it up with something you're gonna the resort and you've come to have like a horny weekend with your partner here. Right.

So let's set it up with something. You're going to do a little something different. You know what I mean? You get yourself a nice sex swing. Check it out. Oh, my God. Look at that. Look at that right there.

She is way open. She is like, look what I can do. Look how open this is. You can really get in there. That is open for. You don't even go are they open you go oh it's 24 hours is what that says to me that was like a truck stop i've seen a i thought i've seen a sex swing before i don't i i guess i haven't well this one's different watch look at that from behind she's like perched up on it like she's climbing a fucking mountain or something looks like workout equipment it is i swore a sex swing was just like a swing not like stirrups this is the adam and eve naughty

couples door swing it goes on a door that's why it looks like this because those straps behind her go on a door she leans against the door he or whoever the fuck leans against the door speed up in the stirrups there and then boom hammer Hammer away. It's $49.99. Here, it's Adam and Eve. Or you can even do on PayPal four interest-free payments of $12.50. So you can put your sex swing on layaway, which is nice. That's helpful. Over 70,000 sold, by the way.

Wow. So it says a swing hangs on your door for wild sex. Who's that banging on the bedroom door? It's you and your lover. That's the pitch. Hang this versatile sex swing over the back of any door for instant fun. Adjust it to your desired height and effortlessly indulge in all sorts of standing positions. Stirrups and handles make it easy for you to climb aboard and spread wide for all sorts of naughty

games it's extremely portable yeah it's just a pile of nylon that's all it is so you can take it with you to the poconos coat hanger over the door that's it's like one of those little basketball hoops little nerf hoops except you fucking do this and it's more discreet than any other swing since it doesn't require a do this and it's more discreet than any other swing since it doesn't require a ceiling hook yeah it's not permanently installed also the door and it just disappears gone we can take it down also great for bondage and toy play okay made with durable metal nylon and acrylic and uh let's see here it's got four got four stars it's got on here. So here's five stars.

Okay. Pros. Great swing. Yeah. It makes it sound like it's fun just to use as a swing. Never mind the fucking. It's just, even without anything, it's great. I hung it on my patio and I sipped tea in it.

The kids love it. The grandkids just love it. I'll tell you what. Sip tea and wave to my neighbors. That's it. Little Tommy and Susie have competitions to see who can go up the highest. Really easy to set up and take down. Quick, which is good for someone like me who has a bunch of kids in the house.

What's that banging on the door? Nothing. I'm fixing the door. I put it away real fast. The straps are thick and made right to hold a lot of weight. Cons. The only con is that I didn't buy it sooner. My next purchase will be the swing that hangs from the ceiling. More room for more fun.

Explain that to the kids. Mom and dad, it's just a swing we like to play, but you're not allowed to use it. Sunk an anchor hook into the ceiling of my bedroom. I guess you could hang a plant on it when you take the swing down, like when the kids are around. Put the fern back up there. Plant baskets kind of look like fuck swings. It's a similar. The hook is, I mean, you could just put a plant on it when you're not using it.

Five stars. So, it's a well worth it is the title, by the way. So, I got this for me and my other half to try out. We had talked about getting one for years and finally decided to. Super easy to set up and adjust. Once she got in it and figured out how to adjust the things while in it, she loved it instantly. Then we actually used it and just wow. Okay.

Didn't think it would be that much of a difference but oh it is and i highly recommend it for anyone anyone anyone even if you don't have a partner just get it fuck yourself in it jerk off in it put that baby doll in it yeah there you go fuck that thing yeah thing from last week lena that's what it was called. Three stars here. Unhappy customer, it says. I was excited about receiving this product. When it finally came in the mail, my wife and I decided to try it out. Of course.

She said that it was uncomfortable and barely had nothing for her to sit on. Barely had nothing for her to sit on. There's nothing for you to sit on. No. It's your legs are what hold you up. Pushing on the stirrups, it's a physics thing. Hang on, gal. After multiple attempts, I ended up taking it off the door and putting it back in the box.

I just picture this guy with a rock-hard dick re-boxing this thing. Real sad about it. Yeah. I highly suggest that you guys make a more comfy seat for the petite, thick women and for all women for that matter. And for all women for that matter. Okay. Three stars. It's okay.

It's fine. It's fine. Price was great with a promo code, but it's not very comfortable. The straps hurt the hips. I'm going to try adding some padding. I'm going to start doctoring this thing up. I'm going to customize it. Also, my back was sore the next day from being banged up against the door well yeah your spine is gonna hurt from that

um this was our first experience with it uh and a swing in general so hopefully we get the hang of it and um so yeah um okay three stars wasn't what i expected no what the fuck did you expect the picture couldn't be more clear of what the fuck it is i bought a sex swing hoping for a slap chunk i don't know what happened here yeah i was looking for one of those fucking bullet blenders and i got this it's really fucking ridiculous um okay so uh this person uh wasn't what i expected figured it would attach to the door jam or something not actually need to shut the door on the hanging ropes yeah it's it's like oh she wanted like a pull-up bar yeah she wanted like that whereas this is more like a laundry thing that hangs on the back of your door right like a shoe rack thing sleeve netting thing yeah exactly

here's two stars probably not the best review is what they could say no it's two stars it's definitely not the best right advertised on the web page throw over any door quote unquote well i beg to differ exclamation point threw it over my saloon door it didn't work at all he kept slamming me and it'd keep opening the door my wife is in traction now this is bullshit it must be a solid exterior style door yeah you're gonna put on a balsa wood door and then hang your wife from it and fuck her obviously that's gonna be a problem you're gonna go through it and end up in the hallway with your kids going mom dad the hollow internal doors.

Oh, they broke it. That's what he's saying. Yeah, obviously. Imagine that's pressure from the top and then two adults slamming into a balsa wood door. You're going right through that fucking thing. Like a Western, speaking of saloon doors. My lady is small, thick, and fit. Okay.

She literally needed help getting into the swing. Four, it was way too high well yeah that depends on your height sir that's the point if you were five foot three it would be fine she also said that it takes a lot of upper body strength and then commented on how her chest ached the next day from the strain of holding herself up because it's you're holding your arms the woman's really putting in a lot of work here. Yeah, all you're doing is throwing your fucking hips at her. Whoever's taking the dick is really putting a lot of work in. Because when the girl in the picture is turned around,

it looks even more difficult. Yeah. It looks like she's hanging off one of those climbing walls is what it looks like. That's exactly what it looks like. And someone's trying to fuck her while she's hanging off a climbing wall. Spider-Man holding on to the outside of the Empire State Building. Ass sticking out, looking back like, don't look at me like this.

Wow. Two stars, not great. Honestly, not impressed. No? Not impressed. It latches over a door and winds up being way too loud because we end up beating against the door yeah you're beating against the door not a swing at all that's it's not it's more like a suspension thing to just hang i mean the swing part is to pull you

don't make don't just fucking get hammered into a door for christ's sake you're supposed to swing towards him that's the swing part. But if you let go, then she's going bang into the fucking door. Don't let go, Bert. Help me. It's a team effort, you guys. She's hanging on for dear life.

And then what if she's like a hand slip? She's falling now with one foot in a fucking stirrup. This is a disaster. More like a harness, this person says. One star, pros, none. It's awful.

Awful. I will never buy from Adam and Eve unless they credit me the return shipping charge. Oh. No. They want the money back for everything. Go ahead and keep this. Cons. Door swing with a closed door is ridiculous.

I installed a pull-up or chin-up bar in my door frame and made a swing that works with the open door. Much better. up bar in my door frame and made a swing that works with the open door much better this guy broke out his drills and like hammers and screws and shit and was like i'm gonna build hold on honey i got this we don't need the door closed we'll just put a pull-up bar hang this over it and now we got a swing i'll plow you through the doorway perfect that just put us put a hook in your ceiling yeah just do it like it's supposed to be done, I think, here. One Star Physics is the title of this one. This sounds like a great solution for adults who want a sex swing, but also need to be able to put it away.

You can't just have a swing hanging in your living room. The major problem is because it's over the door, it's incredibly uncomfortable. The door is in the way the whole time, obviously. Well, then why'd you fucking buy it? What did you think was back there? You just said obviously. You're the one that bought it. That's what I mean, obviously.

Well, yeah, you saw that and then you said, here's $50. You're the fucking buyer beware at some point. You know what I mean? Jesus Christ. The straps twist while getting into it because it's awkwardly against the door. Zero out of 10 would not recommend. Okay. Yeah, for sex stuff, dude, you fucking think a minute. This is going to do that. to it because it's awkwardly against the door zero out of ten would not recommend okay yeah for

sex stuff dude you you fucking think a minute this is gonna do that and then that's gonna happen he's just these people are taking this makes you come all right i'll buy it what no it takes some fucking time to think for a minute you they got an itchy cart trigger finger you know what i mean add to cart why are you done why are you so quick to spend your money man one star title is couple's door swing well yeah not very easy to use my wife's butt kept slipping out of the seat and she would fall back between the door and the swing i don't know why oh jesus she's falling back he's dick's falling out she's got help me help me and he's pulling her up and then trying to put it back in again that's the funny part like come on wait i'm almost gonna come wait a second not as simple as it's made out to be by the way the author of this one

feet freak is his name why are you buying swings yeah that's what i mean there should be easier things for you uh and only more and they're short here. Here's one star. Too much like work is the, I want my fucking easy like Sunday morning. You know what I mean? It's too much work. Welp, I gave it to my husband as a Christmas gift. He's 5'9 and I'm 5'7.

Well, that's pretty, you know, those are pretty close to each other. Even with much adjustment, we could never get a good position. Not, all caps, comfortable. Way too awkward for these out-of-shape, frumpy people. Meaning them. We can't do it. Plus, it only fits

over one of our four doors. Too much like work totally killed the moment. Yeah. It only fits over one of our four doors and one of our doors too much like work totally killed the moment yeah it only fits over one of our four doors and it's in my kid's room it's in my yeah it's it's in the nursery only when she's at grandma's house and then she comes back and then her door is broken and it doesn't get it it's got mom's ass print in it that's it yeah last one and this is fucking frumpy ass print that's by her words, not mine. It's a badass. It's a badass.

One star, not good. It's not that great at all. It shouldn't be called a swing. It's just a seat next to the door. Fair. Now, when you're done with the sex swing, you're going to need something, and you're going to need roman swipes fast acting convenient over the counter wipes increased stamina formulated with four percent benzo i think this is to wipe

on your dick and to make it number numb it out yeah so you don't come so fast yeah i've heard of curb your enthusiasm they were talking about condoms that have that like a numbing agent yeah yeah but it's i've used those before long ago they are bizarre james and it's gotta feel weird it makes you dude it makes it so numb that you lose your fucking boner i was gonna say is it still hard you wouldn't even know i can't feel it so is it i guess it's still working i'll just pump away it's stupid uh they say about the product meet roman swipes made with clinically proven ingredient benzocaine to increase sexual stamina and stamina and help with premature ejaculation

they're fast acting just apply roman swipes to your most sensitive parts wait five minutes to dry and you're ready to go your partner will enjoy them too includes five individually packed wipes five five and it's uh 9.99 for five wipes and they're on amazon they have a piece 3.8 stars out of 666 ratings on amazon perfect my god fellas these things are the devil okay here is five stars just wow is what they say i am reviewing this through my wife's account i'm gonna make sure to tell you yeah okay i have had issues with being too sensitive down there and well arriving too quickly and it was honestly hurting my self-esteem um but with lack of money i couldn't try anything expensive what is there expensive for that jerking off beforehand isn't expensive go down on her first there you go

yeah it's it that's how you do that i would imagine if that's your problem i guess yeah but i am glad of that otherwise i wouldn't have tried these first wow we bought the we just bought the cheapest one the two pack and we will most definitely be getting the bigger pack it doesn't completely remove all feeling but it removes just enough to let me have the control to really last as long as I wanted without that dreaded timeout break. That embarrassment break. Yeah. Well, let's wait a while. I honestly didn't really think it was working well because there was no tingles to notify me that it was numbing, that numbing was happening.

He thinks it's like dandruff shampoo. It's like head and shoulders. He's like, this side of my head, I feel a tingle. Over here, not so much. What the fuck is he talking about? It doesn't tingle to let you know it's working. You don't feel anything.

That's how you know it's working. That's how you know it's working. I thought it would be like a tingle, like, hey, you're going to fuck her good, pal. That's your fucking good tingle. But I followed the directions, applied it, waited a few minutes. It helps that my wife was also trying a product that needed to be applied and to wait a few minutes as well. What are these people putting on themselves?

Why do you? You two are incompatible, man. Jesus Christ. But afterwards, yeah, it works. I highly recommend it to any guy out there that's too sensitive down there. Okay. Four stars. By the way, the author here, it works. I highly recommend it to any guy out there that's too sensitive down there. Okay. Four stars. By the way, the author here, comedy lover.

So maybe they're listening. We don't know. They say works. The wipes actually work. But wash off afterwards. May cause some redness. What? You're putting chemicals on your penis.

That's probably. It's called the chemical burn. It's called the chemical burn. Wipe it off. Yeah. Put your dick in a sink that's the other thing you don't wash your dick off anyway what are you doing or perhaps you couldn't feel it but you were fucking until you chafed man that's it and whether you're using a condom or not you don't want to wash off quick when you're done yeah just leave that you just leave that just sitting around leave that to crust up on the old hang down there buddy that's what you're doing is that your normal fucking procedure son of a bitch oh gross jesus uh daniel gives it two stars yeah opened box is his title

uh-oh first time trying this product but now i'm kind of hesitant because i received my package already opened yes someone already wiped their dick with those. Yeah. Open dick. Open box. Open dick wipe. And brown wipes. No good.

Yeah. One star from Eddie. Fuck no is his title. You're so honest, Eddie. With three exclamation points. I like that. What happened? I had rashes and it's not long lasting maybe it's

me uh but i'm not breaking your hearts folks my body's reaction is different so try it too wow that was a sentence what the fuck that hurt man holy shit my advice is look what you think is fine for you read the description if you If you satisfied, go for it. But fuck no from him. That's a big fuck no from me. Armando, one star, doesn't work for me. This product just didn't work

for me. I'm looking at these reviews and not sure what to think of them. I do feel the numbness at first, but doesn't last long. I'm busting like a firework show a few minutes into it. Busting like a firework show a few minutes into it busting like a firework show look i can't i can't help it i touch it bang coming everywhere you know you light a fuse and it goes off when it goes off you can't every fuse is different uh one star does not work with a sad face. Oh, V.

It does not work for me. I wiped it thoroughly all over penis, but it has no, no affect, not effect, affect. Disappointed. Not recommended. Try Leo spray. That stuff is incredible. Okay. Um, Alexis, one star.

I love that he just wipes numbing shit on his dick. Yeah. Alexis One Star. One Star. One Star. One Star. One Star. One Star. One Star. One Star. One Star.

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One Star. One Star. One Star. One Star. One Star. One Star. One Star. One Star. And it just says this, Roman, almost two months, three thumbs down with emojis. And then it says, I won't buy him again.

I guess Roman is a him. Did she go to the wrong place? Is she reviewing a male problem? I don't know what's happening. Then next up, one star from the author is the tan hammer. So that's nice. Product does not work. Burns worse than skin to hot pavement on a hot summer day.

Well, that sounds great. If you are sensitive in any way, shape, or form in places the sun doesn't shine, I wouldn't recommend this product. Seemed too good to be true. Back to old reliable rubbers. Okay. Now, okay, so you've done that now let's say these are all

you to sex swing these dick wipes because you're not going to put a dick wipe to make yourself last longer I mean with yourself obviously that's for a partner the polka those things for a partner the sex swing can't do that alone so let's say you don't have anyone to spend Valentine's Day with then what do you

do well you find someone to spend Valentine's Day with. Then what do you do? Well, you find someone to spend Valentine's Day with. You go to Catch Matchmaking in Los Angeles and you find someone. Not an app, an actual, still a matchmaking service that exists in this day and age. I assume it's got a travel agency in there with it too because that doesn't exist either so this is a uh this is a los angeles dating service 58 98 54 national boulevard los angeles 4.1 stars on google here's brian okay brian says five stars yeah i went to one of their speed dating events and boy boy, I'm glad I did. I had a lot of fun meeting so many nice women out there. I met one nice lady in particular, and although it didn't quite work out for us, I can see the chances are very good I'll meet the type of woman I'm hoping for through this service.

If you're single, this is a great place to meet people and have fun. Mae and Katie are very professional and attentive to all the participants and work to make the experience enjoyable for all. I look forward to their next event. All right. Next up. Here we go. Five stars.

I joined in September 2016, and shortly after that, I met my now fiance. Wow. That's the biggest advertisement you can have for a matchmaking thing because that's what people are looking for. I was set up with dates about once a week and went out with four different gentlemen. Wow. That's the biggest advertisement you can have for a matchmaking thing because that's what people are looking for. I was set up with dates about once a week and went out with four different gentlemen. Now I am as happy as I can ever be. Tips. Be flexible and open.

Liberalize your criteria. Age, nationality, religion. You know, find someone you're not attracted to and just deal with it. That's fine. Lower your expectations and settle. Take what they give you and settle for it. You're here for a reason because you weren't doing fine on your own. They have someone for you.

Just take that. It's probably you. And you'll be surprised by how many nice people are out there. My fiance and I were not in the desired age category of each other. However, we clicked it off right away, clicked it off, and are now planning a wedding. Excellent. Excellent. Yeah. Not bad here, I would say. Next up, Lena, five stars.

I got to sit in a chair like a queen and have men come up to me every four minutes for two and a half hours. Her name's Lena. Lena, like the sex toy. How can anyone not have fun with that? I matched with five men and eventually chose the amazing man with whom I'm now in a relationship. All the men I met that afternoon were nice, well-mannered, quality men, and I've been telling everybody about catch matchmaking. May and Katie are good at this. In a relationship now.

This is great. Yeah. I mean, I've heard of matchmaking services seen them and i've never heard of them being in a relationship ron gives three stars i've known the owner since before she started the agency so in my humble opinion the staff is first class truly committed and caring to clients both great and small and passionate about the art of matchmaking this is three stars by the way and they know the owner I've even had a close friend of mine meet his future wife and mother of his child at a $14 discounted ticket mixer. However, I can't give more than three stars for one simple reason.

No attractive women. Oh. She knows the ugly chicks. Ever. It says. Ever. In any of the events, and quite honestly, perhaps nowhere in the database. The only genuinely attractive women, a woman I met in association with the agency was one of the staff members who unsurprisingly wasn't single and doesn't like me.

Yeah. Most matchmakers seem to function as a relationship clearinghouse for people with no other option. I'll let you harmony overall. Great. If you're simply determined to be in any relationship, but not for finding the girl of your dreams. That's fair. That's fair.

Okay, here we go. This is three stars. And overall, I think they provide a good service. My only concern is the lack of eligible men below 50, which seems to be a problem for any matchmaking event I've been to. Now, there's another one right below it that says they don't have any guys above 50. So I don't know which is which.

Not sure. Maybe there's just not any guys. I don't know. I've been to a couple. Here's another one. Ben, three stars. I've been to a couple of their events a while ago. While they were great, they tend to be more of a younger crowd.

So some people say it's old people. Some people say it's all young people. Here's three stars. It was fun to go to some organized event, but I did not feel the crowd was the best quality. Not the best quality. Those are desperate single people. Yeah.

The desperate single people. Who don't know how to work an app on their phone. Inept. Can't figure out app. Yeah. Can't figure out apps philip gives one star got ripe off 3k what must mean ripped off three thousand dollars is what i'm getting it got ripe off 3k which sounds like he got mad fucked up off 3k ripe sounds like some slang i haven't heard of for like getting real stoned or getting like real high on something i was right that night boy let me tell you something 3k man we went hard we went

hard my hard-earned money this is not for poor man no this is a foreigner not yeah this is a foreigner it's more for the rich guys some of the hot chicks and guys seem like hired professional for acting that's my opinion don't sue me oh man they felt fake next up's a woman named hewn uh one star i tried this dating service and i consider myself a great catch but didn't get any referrals for any dates well that's your problem that's what it is well guess what doesn't matter what you consider yourself yeah next up that's why you're single lastly is robert here one star for robert he says quote forget it i'll just be single forever he has said that so many times hit me up on kick y'all bobby i'm not gonna give the whole thing quote i'm not gay okay thanks bob thanks bobby hit him up he's not gay i think the dating service asked him

are you sure you're not gay you sure you're not gay they just started hooking him up with guys he's like i am not gay damn it i can't hit me up on until after musical rehearsal but after that i but i'm not gay no so we're rehearsing love boat tonight well yeah we're doing a whole love boat the musical i play cat and stubing now okay let's say you've gone there that didn't work either you're lonely you tried the apps you tried dating services you have nobody to fuck on a swing or in a giant champagne glass or wipe your dick for so where do you find if you just can't find anyone where can you find someone where you'll definitely guaranteed a guaranteed place to find the lady or whoever. That is Sherry's Ranch Brothel.

Set me up, James. It is a brothel in Pahrump, Nevada, which is just outside Las Vegas. That's where it's legal, yeah. Sherry's Ranch is a legal brothel in Pahrump, Nevada. Unlike other brothels in the state, it styles itself as a resort with upscale rooms and furnishings, sports bar, tennis courts,

a spa, and outdoor swimming pool. Why would I want to play tennis? What do you need all that for? I don't want chicken wings. I don't need a sports bar. I don't need tennis and chicken wings to fuck for money. Yeah, can I get the pineapple jalapeno and her pussy? Yeah, and the blonde chick over there.

Have her feed them to me while she's blowing me, please. 105.51 Homestead Road, Pahrump, Nevada. Open 24 hours. You bet. The owner is Chuck Lee. That's the guy who sounds exactly like a guy who would own a brothel. That's not his real name, but yeah, you're right.

But here's a couple of pictures. They're all taken in fisheye lens for some reason. Why are they doing that? I don't know. It's a fucking real pictures they're all taken in fisheye lens for some reason why why are they doing that is it like it's a fucking real estate what the it looks sort of classy i when i think of a classy brothel i think of where like tony soprano used to go with that police guy you know what i mean this looks better than the pocono's though oh much better than the pocono's so here is shirell m five stars okay um bartender jay was a very cool guy nice friendly great services no phones are allowed anywhere except the bathroom lol you can't be taking pictures because that way you could come in and what if someone's that's private yeah but

more private yeah i mean if you want to take pictures of your own shit, no one can really stop you, I guess. If it's a one-person-only bathroom, fine. But if this is like a public bathroom, everywhere else in the world, the bathroom's the only place you can't have the camera. Yeah, here, like, it's the only place you're allowed to take any pictures. Everything's backwards here. And we did the tour with Ava, and it was very short, with all caps, and a sweet tour. No complaints. Bar is reasonably priced.

What? That's the whole review. What? Talk about burying the lead. Went to the hometown buffet. The bathrooms were clean. Coca-Cola was very bubbly. Good parking.

No. Food. Wow. Okay. So that's one. Here's Steve. He's got a mouth Okay, so that's one. Here's Steve. He's got a mouthful, to say the least, both figuratively and literally. Great.

Tell us more, Steve. Five stars, and this is from four months ago, so this is recent. Pretty recent. After a really stressful few weeks of work, I really needed a break, and someone suggested I get a massage at Sherry's to relax. Yeah. Yeah yeah let's stop with the massage i went on if you want a massage you don't go to a place where they'll also fuck you if you want like a medical like a real yeah a real massage like this is a sex massage it's different i went online and looked at that week's lineup that's the other thing they

have the girls you can get one and one girl stood out above the rest. Annalise was so gorgeous in her pictures, and I was mesmerized by her eyes and body. I knew right away that she was the perfect way for me to unwind. Jesus Christ. She was. Wow, like she's an item. So I set up an appointment and made the drive out there. When I saw Annalise in the bar, she flashed me one smile, and I was hooked. there when i saw annalise in the bar she flashed me one smile and i was hooked my experience was one i'll never forget and what i hope to duplicate my next time out if you're like me and need to

unwind just say you want to fuck some broads without having a relationship if you're like me and need to unwind go see annalise i'll be back there to get your stick yeah you'll you'll know i was there because i'm gonna leave a disdain on the comforter go get my sloppy seconds and then i'll get yours in a couple months wow i promise you she will not be disappointed she loves what she does and you will be glad you listen to me she's so real and easy to talk to i can't wait to get back there to see her what a weird fucking wow that dude's a creep i don't like fucking creep i don't care it doesn't matter to me but this part is the creepy part that's the guy in deadwood following what's her name across the street going oh you're gonna be there uh are you

ready yet do you have your garters on and And she's like, listen, motherfucker, I'll cut your fucking throat. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Eric gives one star from six days ago, which is probably like two weeks ago when we put this together. Okay. Unfortunately, any girl here you would pay to, quote, spend time with is three Gs an hour. Yeah. What do you expect? What do you expect?

It's a legal place. You know what the fees are for that it's a place they have a bill this isn't a blow job in your car in the bronx this is a fucking completely different thing here that's a guy that bitches about a 30 joint you know what i mean you know because it's legal there are fucking fees involved, man. He goes to a nice steakhouse and goes, how much is the T-bone? What did you think when you walked in? It's a nice place, stupid. Wow.

How's a filet $85? It's ridiculous. Yeah, don't buy it then. I'm not buying an $85 filet, so maybe you don't either, stupid. How about that? It's because it's a beautiful steak either, stupid. How about that? It's because it's a beautiful steakhouse, man. It's probably going to be amazing.

It's probably going to be amazing. Maybe on the road because it's a write-off, so that's fine. But nowhere else will I do that. Even the girl I liked in the web photos was, of course, less attractive in person. Also, the whole- I saw a Big Mac on the commercial and it looks disgusting when I order it. This person really believes marketing is what this is.

Dope. Also, the whole place has a really cheap vibe. It's a fucking brothel. There are hookers in there. What are you talking about? You're not there for the fucking architecture man yeah do it the art that wasn't a real picasso hanging up what are you talking about shut up was there four walls and a door and a privacy to fuck her for a small nominal fee then shut up walls a door and a pussy for? That sounds like you got your money's worth.

These people can complain about sex. This is amazing. The bar, the quote, fancy rooms, cheap! Yeah. All plastic and veneer. I guess that really says it all about the entirety of it. No, it doesn't, because the only thing that matters there are the women, because that's what you're going there for. Otherwise, you'd go to a nicer bar that doesn't have women for

sales this is a guy that thinks the stripper really likes him though yes like the other one with annalise i think i'm gonna ask her to move in with me i think she loves me i feel like we just talk and i i feel like we make a connection like i never had. Not even with my first or second or third or even my fourth wife. None of them. I don't think it has anything to do with the $3,000 I gave her. No, nothing, nothing. And then the extra $1,000 as a tip and the flowers. And when I told her that I'd buy her jewelry next time I was there.

I don't think none of that is the reason. All right. One star from James. Uh-oh. Will not be returning i went during the afternoon i said james like not me different james i went during the afternoon and the woman working the front door was extremely rude okay well they should be friendly at a place like this i don't know you know i guess afternoon that's a weird time to pop in i guess yeah yeah

it kind of is i asked for a tour and was told by her that I had to pay her cash for the tour. Now, outside, there's a big sign that says, come on in for a free tour. That's the big sign as you enter the parking lot, says. So now this girl's trying to get a couple extra bucks, I think. I then sat at the bar, and I wasn't approached by any girls. Wow, you must really be a loser then then because they're literally prostitutes. These girls literally are at work to do the thing that, wow, that's amazing. That you want.

You couldn't get pussy in a whorehouse. Yeah. I think it sounds like you seem cheap and none of them wanted to deal with you. Very disappointed. I ended up going down the road to the chicken ranch and was treated great. Okay. So he got some alternative pussy there. Okay.

David gives it one star. All right, here we go. My 50th birthday. That's the first sentence. One star? One star. One star. Besmirched the honor of my 50th birthday um very surprised about price

never relaxed there was no negotiation in price yeah you're not at a fucking moroccan bazaar that's why you're not buying a fucking used car man no this isn't a swap meet this is a fucking this isn't a yard no it's not lady i met was very attractive but said ranch told her to demand a minimum price which was three to four times what i expected well i don't know what you ran i guess there were no other ladies in the bar after negotiation didn't work with the first lady yeah after you tried to talk down, none of the other ones came over to you. None of the other ones felt like being the fucking dollar store discount pussy today. That's why. You just insulted a woman.

Yeah. And she told her friends. You went into a set price establishment and said, nope, not worth it. Looked her up and down. Anybody else who will work for cheaper? What the fuck? Anybody want to work for sex trade? Yeah.

You're not picking up landscapers at Home Depot. Well, he wants 100. Will anybody do it for 75? This is a fucking... Jesus Christ. It's literally... She's going to fucking put you in her mouth man come on jesus i came money i came in early afternoon which is funny that he uses that he means he came into the place not he came in

the early afternoon maybe later an evening hour is better for more ladies out did not get shown the theme room king arthur with lady i demandeded. Don't demand things, first of all. Ended up leaving not seeing any lady. Very disappointed. I can't imagine walking into one of these places with much confidence and swagger. You know what I mean? No.

You walk in with a little bit of shame on you and you apologize that you're here. I have to come here because I can't get anyone to do this for free. I'm really sorry the outside world has put me here. Buying dinner is not cutting it for me. What's it going to cost me to get this fixed? And they'll tell you, you pay it, you get the fuck out.

And you get the fuck out. Here's Diamante. Diamante gives one star. Monte gives one star. They want you to fly out. Okay. 2,087 miles to apologize on their behalf for being overcharged. What the fuck does that mean?

Comp me with it. Comp me with a discount, but they don't want to refund you. Okay. What a $3,000 ripoff. Enjoyed Lamar street better and saved tons of cash gotta love memphis they know how to finish you off and make you come back for more yikes so this person's saying i get better prostitutes in memphis in illegal places obviously it's not illegal i participate in the sex, and I like it better. And I like it better. You gross monster.

Yeah. That's one thing. All the ladies that work, because they used to have that. I know it's a reality show, but they used to have that HBO reality show on it and stuff. Those ladies make fucking cash. Yeah. And a lot of them, they come in for a couple of weeks. They make a bunch of cash.

They all have houses and nice cars. Yeah, and they're all pseudo-celebrities. Yeah. It's a badge of honor to be able to fuck, I forget, Military Amy. cash like they all have houses and nice cars they bmws are pulling up and yeah it's it's like it's a it's a badge of honor to be able to fuck uh i forget military amy or amy yeah i remember her yeah with the one that had the she was in the air force i remember yeah air force amy that's it that's the one god that show was on 25 years ago for christ's sake so long but it's like a it's a badge of honor that you got to be with that person.

And you had to pay handsomely for it. She's very well taken care of. You're very well taken care of. You do anything weird, she fucking yells or presses a button and they toss you out in an alley and pummel your fucking head. That's how it works. And that's what the trade should be. That would be, yeah, that's fine.

Because nobody needs to feel bad. Here's Michael, one star. Despite that the girl is extremely nice, the price asked of $6,000 is totally insane. You are value. You have the golden cooch for six grand. That is, wow. That's the best one, I imagine. If I put it in, will it turn into a diamond?

Because that's ridiculous. I don't get such a high price too bad a lot of times it might be a girl doesn't want to fuck you so they price you a higher quote knowing you won't pay it so then they don't have to fuck you and if she does have to fuck you at least she made six grand that's i mean her price for you is six grand i won't fuck you for less than six grand. That's what that is. Where maybe if you go in there, you know, not smelling like shit or something, maybe it'll be a little better for you. Shower. Shower up, assholes. Next up, Ed, one star, not happy here.

Okay. Don't waste your time or money going here. Cheaper to go to San Francisco. Not legal there. The whole point of the place is it's legal. As you can relax, I assume, and not wait for the cops to bust the door down is probably part of it. Or fly to Amsterdam. Well, that's farther than Las Vegas.

But the plane ticket to Amsterdam is $3,000. Yeah, exactly. Sat in bar for 20 minutes and the girl keeps calling girls down to bar and nobody comes. Had to pick a girl from the TV. Complete ripoff. They highball the price to see how much they can sting you for, hoping you're drunk. Test started at, oh, I am $4,000 an hour. After a bit of haggling, paid $500.

What? Maybe on a slow day you can fucking work them down uh so then there's a doctor's type examination they make sure you don't have any open sores on your dick they do they called him the pecker checker at the one place at the on the reality show that house the cat house that's the name of it thank you the cat house. She was robotic and uninterested. After 15 minutes, timer goes off, and she says, okay, thanks, see ya. Halfway through the 15 minutes, the radio goes off. Girls, go to bar, please.

When I got to San Francisco, looked up massage on internet, five minutes from hotel, had awesome service for only $220. internet five minutes from hotel had awesome service for only 220 okay not as pretty as tess on the outside but much nicer and a full hour same in la six minutes from hotel 120 bucks i know in europe it's only 150 bucks this guy is a prostitution connoisseur he is contributing to a lot of bad shit wow yeah this that is yikes that is terrifying okay a couple more here we'll call it a day um these are fucking funny i'm sorry too bad man here well you know what well maybe we'll we'll just we'll roll them into next week we'll start off with brothels next week but i'll give one more here one more okay here we go this is from john one star all right i called sherry's ranch to ask two questions regarding her three night package holy shit how much i'm gonna make a weekend out of this 50 grand labor day is my weekend

i'm gonna make some money work yikes phone picks up and there's about a full minute voice prompt describing the property. Finally, someone answers the phone. Those probably frequently asked questions. I go over. I politely introduce myself, state my intentions of making reservation, but I have two questions. I asked the first question regarding the use of the vouchers advertised on her website. Are they only for one encounter or can it be used for a variety of encounters that total the voucher? Reasonable question, I thought. The lady responded,

I don't know. Let me find out. I'll be right back. I waited. After 20 minutes of no response, I had to ask myself, do I want to take part in what should be a high-end million-dollar enterprise and put forth my business and money into sherry's ranch after being blown off as if i was at a mcdonald's drive-thru he's asking finance questions in the interim of a 20 minute hold time wow that is fucking wild i was very disappointed and believe it's best to take my interest elsewhere totally Totally not impressed with Sherry's Ranch. There you go. Okay, one more because it's short here.

Okay. Here we go. One star Ron. Ladies were nice, but they tried to scam me because they found out I had a lot of crypto. The crypto bro came. Found out I had a lot of crypto, bro. And then, you know how it is, bro. Moths to the flame. They come over and they're like, bro, you got so much money that you can't have access to.

And that might be worth less than it was 10 minutes ago. So, you know what I'm saying? How exactly did they find out you have a lot of crypto unless you kept saying, I have a lot of crypto. I have so much crypto, man. Yeah. Well, people with a lot of crypto, that's all they talk about is having a lot of crypto. They're like sober people. Nothing wrong with sober people because whatever keeps you sober, if you got to talk about it to keep it to the forefront, whatever.

But it's the same thing. You're going to hear a lot about sobriety and a lot about crypto. A sober crypto person, I do not want to be around. That's too much. I can deal with sober. I won't deal with crypto because that's like a telemarketer basically. It's so busy. God damn it.

But I won't deal with both. If you're both, I'm not listening. It's the CrossFit guy. Yeah. CrossFit. Exactly. It's the new CrossFit guy. It is.

Yep. CrossFit crypto would be the best crypto you could make. That's what we're going to make. Do the right thing when you're in town and just gamble your money away, away on roulette instead. So there is that. And we will finish off Sherry's brothel next week. The gambling crypto roulette guy is the last one we'll do. That was fucking fun.

I will say. I can't believe he went in wondering what. These guys are, they're acting like they're buying, like they're negotiating for a used car or something. It's very weird. I asked your manager and the salesperson. It's pussy. Be happy it's available for you.

When I told them I have a lot of crypto, they wanted to charge me money. Weird, man. They think... Super weird. You think a guy that tells somebody I have money, the car salesman doesn't say, this car just got $2,000 more in value? I mean, come on. Also, there will fuck

you don't have to brag to them. No. You don't have to impress them. You just have to go, how much will you charge me? And then they tell you and if you have that amount of money, they're sufficiently impressed to do their job with you. That's it. If they agree to do it, they do. You don't have to get them. What do you want them to be all hot for you too's it if they agree to do what they do you don't have to

get them what do you want them to be all hot for you too no shut the fuck up it's about you get out so there you go happy valentine's day everybody that's our kind of all personal item corner for the week valentine's day can't wait for next valentine's day uh that's a lot of fun uh definitely check us out on all the social media. We're on all of them. You can find us there, Your Stupid Opinions, and also find us on, there's groups and shit like that. Join those. Listen to Crime

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