Your Stupid Opinions - Bowling Blues, Sneaky Smoothie Makers, Goldilocks In Florida

Episode Date: September 14, 2026

More of the funniest reviews on the internet! We read reviews for bowling alley, where people are serious about their bowling, and say they're scared when the bartender takes a sip of the customer's drink. A smoothie place, where they say that employees take your smoothie in the back for minutes at a time, then laugh when they hand it to you. A water park, where people take a real Goldilocks approach to water tempreture & much more!!   Join comedians James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section! Subscribe, and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!! Dont forget to rate & review!!   Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for merch & more Check out James & Jimmie's other podcasts, Small Town Murder & Crime In Sports on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!!

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to your stupid opinions. Hey! Thank you so much for joining us today. My name is James Petrigal. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wiseman. And you have joined us for, see, this is the thing. We do the work for you.

We want to make fun. People want to make fun of the people who complain about things for no reason or just people who don't know what they're doing. And we're like the middleman. We'll take it all, we'll read it all, we'll figure it out. The curators. We'll curate this awfulness and we'll just sift through it and like it's rubble and figure out the gems and bring them to you here. So today we are going to head back to the Sunsplash Family Water Park in Cape Coral, Florida. And we're going to finish up there, not a lot left there.

And then we're going to do some other very fun things. So let's get right into this. What do you say here? Let's go back to the Sunsplash Family Water Park with Franz giving one. one star. Oh, France. As we left off last time, they were having some serious problems at the water park. Yeah.

They had problems with the surfaces of the pools coming off. Oh, right. It was all coming apart. Not like people's feet. And there was a lot of problems here. So this guy has one star. And he said, we visited this site two weeks ago. And this was very disappointing.

The park is actually small and nice. Yeah, this was only like a 14-acre water park, which is. Yeah, right. Very small. Not enough room. There are even entertainers painting chalk pictures with the kids, but you are not allowed to take food and drinks in with you, which is pretty standard for places that sell food and drinks. My wife waited 70 minutes for buying food and something to drink for the kids. That seems excessive.

An hour or 10. She stood in line longer than people staying in line for fucking Splash Mountain. Or she might have ordered it and then waited for the food for an hour. Oh, for it to be made? Yeah. Yeah, after you've already paid for it. Smaller kids are not allowed to ride nearly every water ride with a life jacket. Also, a company by me is denied.

So your kid either has to sink or swim, no life jacket, no parents. Yeah. We want to, we want to fish some corpses out, some tiny corpses out of this thing at the end of the night. Well, the good news. Yeah, we don't. We've trained these lifeguards very well, and they can swim. We don't need them. We need them to have a challenge.

I want these kids at the bottom. Let's have them sink. This is lifeguard practice is what this place is called. I do understand that it is actually harder. Wait. Hmm. Let's say. Brace yourselves for some spurious science here.

Everybody wait for it. I believe it's harder for, what is it? There's a reason What is that thing I read on Facebook five years ago? What was that thing? No, I feel like there is a good reason, a valid reason why they don't want children in life jackets. And it has something, it has something to do with, I don't know why. Why wouldn't you want to say why?

That's what I mean. I don't understand it. It's like, if we go on a boat, you have to give all the kids life jackets. No one says, hey, hey, don't give them a life jacket. That's going to fuck them all up. No one ever says that. So it's got to be, they get caught on things maybe. That's all I could imagine.

Maybe. Yeah. Because we have them on airplanes. We have no intention of using them. No, they're still there. So I'm just, you know what I mean? I don't know. There's a reason that they don't want them in a life jacket.

But for the life of me, it doesn't make any fucking sense. I can't find it. Yeah. So, I mean, I'm sure there's some sort of science. It has to be other than... It can't just be... We want to see what your kids got today. That's all.

We want to see if they can hack it. I don't think that's what the policy is. Who knows? Yeah. It's pretty a science. Although maybe we never know. I mean, it's Florida. Who knows?

You know? I mean, it's not... And I swear it's not... We burn books and drown kids down here, damn it. That's what we do. Yeah. I don't know. They really don't want them at water parks, and I don't know why.

I don't know. That doesn't make any fucking sense. It's weird. It says the reason why even One Star is too much were the rusted protruding screws at the kids site. I can't have that rusting protruding screws. I would recommend everyone with small kids not to visit this park. Right. Wow, I guess not.

Nicole, One Star. We came here as a local said it would be a fun thing to do before we headed home to Michigan. Oh. I ordered tickets online for $104. That was the easy part. We got there. Bathrooms were nasty with nasty with water was dirty. My 1.5 year old daughter got silicone caulking, one both feet so bad I had to scrape it with my nails and use alcohol.

And that didn't even get it all off. That's the pool shit that we were talking about last week. Right. Yeah. Got on a baby there. No tubes for the lazy river. I almost said no pubes for the lazy river. Also that.

That's a good thing if there's no pubes in the lazy river. No chairs, no pubes in the lazy river, folks. Come on down. It's one star. No chairs or shade to sit in with kids. We definitely won't be back to this establishment. Well, you live in Michigan, so I'm sure they're not that heartbroken about it. You were a tourist.

Yeah, they don't care. And I wouldn't recommend it to anyone visiting for out of state, I think from. We lost a toddler. I like, you could just stop there. It's not the whole sentence. But I like how the sentence starts out. with we lost a toddler. It was very funny. We lost a toddler paw patrol shoe, which is much less of a terrible day walking to the

lockers. And when I ran back to get it, it was already gone, which is sad when I have the other shoe and shoes are expensive these days. Now I only have one. Who steals one shoe? Well, here's the thing. They didn't steal it because there's only one. It's in the lost and found or it's in the trash. Look in all of those locations. That's it. That's all there is to it. Otherwise,

go buy new shoes. Or somebody said, finally a left one and grabbed it. We don't know. Like, I'm not positive. I've been looking for this forever. Finally, a left size four.

Left size four paw patrol shoe. I've been waiting for this. Paw Patrol crock. That's such a crazy. We lost it. Start there. Yeah. And then they're like,

and then it was already taken. Okay, somebody picked it up. It's not. Someone saw a shoe that people were tripping over. Why did you lose your shoe then? Tell your kids to keep your shoes on. Jesus Christ. Kareem, one star.

This was the absolute worst water park I've ever been to. Bathrooms were repulsive. Water was extremely hot. I understand it's Florida, but they should have cold water being pushed through the jets. Shaking my head. Okay. Now, the other people were bitching it was too cold. So what do you want?

Yeah. Somebody's fucking lips blue or something? Yeah, yeah. I think, yeah. I don't think there's heating or cooling. So in the summer it's going to be super hot. in the winter, be a little colder.

That's not working. I know there's no cool here. No. No. Fuck no. No. Also, to mention how many bees there were, there, bees were there.

That's how he says it. Also, to mention how many bees were there, it was a literal infestation. I could not even enjoy my food because the bees were swarming all caps. Me. Swarming bees. Bees were landing on my food. It was so disgusting.

My friend got stung twice. Some of the lifeguards were very. very rude and unprofessional as well. I wouldn't expect that from 16-year-olds. That's weird. I'd expect them to be very professional. They took a class on a Saturday to be here. That's it. That's why like when you walk into like banks, you know, you want to get like a loan or something. Always a 16-year-old. They're the most professional. They handle it. Generally, yeah. They're the ones who handle that kind of thing. Yeah. There was this one lifeguard. He looked very young, like too young to be working. Some were cursing as well. Not cursing. Please don't come to this water park. It is not a

family water park. Very dissatisfied. Three exclamation points. Damn it. All right. In his defense, the kid was doing that Chris Rock bit. All right.

Let's get the hell out of here. What you want to go ahead? All right. Let's get out of Florida. Let's go do something indoors. We're sunburned. We have blue silicone shit all over us. We have gouges from all these gouges from the screws.

Rusty screws. We've had tetanus shots. Let's go do something safer and indoors. Let's go bowling, Jimmy. What do you say? All right. Let's do it. We're going to Western Bowl, which is in Cincinnati, Ohio.

633-83 Glenway Avenue, Cincinnati. Midwestern. Oh, but okay. Cincinnati, lovely part of the country there. Yeah, untouched. This one has a bowling alley with 68 lanes plus a pool hall, cocktail lounge, and snack bar with pizza and sandwiches. You know. 68 lanes.

A bowling alley. Yeah. It's a pretty good-sized bowling alley. That's a fuckload of lanes. That's a lot of alley. That's a lot of alley. So this has four stars out of over a thousand reviews. So there's some issue here.

Let's find out what those issues are with Yula with five stars. Great place to bowl a nice pro shop. Oh. It's your ball drilled out there. Yeah. We have spent several weekends here driving 40 minutes. the bar and grill inside has great options. Good atmosphere and lots of fun.

The Mexican restaurant next to it is really good too. Yeah. They drove 40 minutes to this motherfucker. 40 minutes to bowl. You got a bowl. But when you bowl like we go bowling and you have your favorite spots. This one has better air conditioning. This one is better food.

Have you gone 40 minutes away yet? No, because there's like three bowling alleys within 15 minutes of me. So I haven't had to. Really? I'm not driving 40 minutes for fucking. bowling. That's... I don't even... No, I'm not sure. That's a lot. Not around here. Like in Phoenix, you drive 40 minutes maybe for a decent bowling alley.

I'm not sure. I think there's one within maybe 15 minutes of me, but I wouldn't go to it. I wouldn't go to it. No, not a chance. Karen, five stars, if you're looking for a place to just chill out and relax, bowl, shoot, pool, watch TV, eat, play a few video games. This is the place. Go to a bowling alley. Sounds like she's moving into this fucking place.

If you're looking for all the things at a bowling alley, this place has it. If you're looking for comfy beds and nice showers, like, I don't know what's happening. We enjoyed a little competition with the people next to us. Sad to say they won. Overall, an enjoyable place. Friendly customer service and the food looks great. We're planning to go every Sunday now. Wow.

Really? They have taken up bowling like a motherfucker. Okay. Yeah. That's my worry about doing something new is that, It may end up being my new thing. I'm that guy that... Well, you have a lot of things so I could see that.

You know what I mean? You have a lot of things. My biggest fear is going and doing something and then being like, well, now I have to buy all the things for this. And then I have... I played pickleball once, James. I have four pickleball rackets and several balls in a pickleball bag in a closet in my house. That's weird. I haven't played since.

I didn't realize you were 80 or a douchebag. That's funny. I never paid you for that. That's fun. I didn't realize. I thought it would be nice to do that with my mom. Then she's diagnosed with cancer and I'm like, well, now we don't do this. And now I feel bad.

And now I just own these things. Jimmy just wanted to play with his cancer mom and I'm making fun of them for it. Now I feel like a huge dick. Sorry about that. Now I just own these things in my house from no reason. I like, I need something that like I need activities because all I do is just fuck these fucking shows. So like I'm always looking for like anything that. That'll be a distraction.

So I'm happy. Sarah and I found bowling recently and we enjoy it, although we've taken a lot of the summer off because all these alleys have terrible air conditioning. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. By the eighth frame of the first game, you're pouring sweat. And it's like, well, this isn't fun at all. I'm in normal clothes. Yeah, that's terrible.

Yeah, I can't do that shit. So I've got to wait until it cools off a little bit to go back. We were going every week, though. We were going once a week. That's great. Yeah, we're getting good. It was like, we're getting into it. You know, we have our own balls and shit.

Having a good time. Having a good time. Having a beer. It's too hot Fucking weather. Too hot. So, Renardo,

four stars, very short. It was very active. Yeah. I don't know what was very active, but in the park itself as a whole. When you go that often,

does your leg eventually stop hurting? Yeah, my leg, I don't really get, I don't get sore that much from bowling. Yeah. Yeah,

it depends on how you go up to the line. I know some people, you get what your, your quad, right? Yeah. Yeah. I've literally never

gone bowling. Even when, and I won't blame it on age, because I've never gone bowling where the following day I wasn't like, I'm never doing that ever again. I hurt so much. A lot of it, too, is technique wise. Yeah. If you have a smooth. Just don't use that muscle. Yeah. Yeah. That, yeah, of kind of stopping short with your meat leg bent like that. Yeah, that sort of thing. Yeah. That's, um, yeah, that's a way. And you pull all the power for your, for your bowl. from that leg. Well, from your back leg is that one. That should be your back leg pushing off.

Your front leg is... Yeah, that's the one. Yep. Okay, I never get that one sore. The only one I've had sore is the stop leg, the plant leg. Let's see. The left leg, if you're right-handed. Is it the left?

Yeah, that is the left one, isn't it? Yeah, the left leg, is the one you stop on. You get your power from your right leg. You push off. I guess that's right. That goes off your back, and you kind of swing that one to the... Well, what is that that... It's because you're stopping short with your leg bent and putting all your weight and stopping it.

You're not used to doing that with the plod. That's what it is. It's all my, it's my fat ass pushing on that. It's a quad. It's hard. That's, that's, that's everybody gets sore fucking, yikes, it hurts. Here's a, I don't know why this person even bothered. Melvin, four stars. Bold in a tournament there. That's it. Four stars? Four stars? Bowled in a tournament there. Okay. Any no details. Sounds great. Okay. Here we go. Steve, two stars. We attended a high school all star event here this weekend. When we arrived, the front entry. was covered in trash.

The inside of the building also had trash bins overflowing with trash and were not once emptied the entire time during the tournament. This is not what you would expect from a venue that's hosting a high profile event. Like a high school? Like a high school all-star bowling. High profile.

Hey, everybody. This is going to be streaming. We got to watch out for this. Hulu pick this one up. I am. Exactly. Exactly. A little Pete Weber there. This is not what you would expect.

Well, that's hilarious. From people attending from across the state. Hey, there's people coming all the way from Dayton for this. Clean up your garbage. I think that's why they didn't clean it up. They went, everyone's, it's all over Ohio. These people are used to it. Fuck it.

It's trash. We got on the turnpike from Akron for a nice thing. What the fuck? And there's pictures of there is a lot of garbage. Like there's the garbage can. It's overflowing out of the top and it's got like a lid thing on it. So it's really sticking out. And then people have just started putting garbage

around the bottom of the garbage can. Just near the can because there's nowhere else to put it, literally. So yeah, McDonald's bags and cups. That's another thing. Yeah, Cincinnati, a lot of trash around. That's how it works. Chris, two stars.

I always laugh about Cincinnati because I have one singular memory of Cincinnati. Well, two. One, getting dropped off in the middle of a terrible neighborhood, not at the venue by an Uber driver, and then luckily having him circle the block and come back and go,

I fucked up, get in the car. This is dangerous. Get back in, quick. I was like, okay, I'm standing there with my backpack with my laptop in it and all my shit. The bearcats are not here to save you. That and us standing outside the venue waiting for an Uber at night telling all the young college girls that were walking by with drinks to please be careful. These guys are scub, please, cover your drinks. Cover your drinks.

We went full dad mode. We were just like, oh, no, these girls, they're barely dressed and they have open drinks. This is so scary. I'm going to overlook the fact that you. Need more clothes on. That's fine. Whatever choice you want to make, but please watch your drinks. Please.

We were just telling them. You watch her drink. Everybody take a drink. We were literally telling them, you watch each other's drinks. We're like, look at these guys. We're pointing at guys. We're like, look at these guys. They're scumbacks.

That guy is, look, he looks like a rapist. Look at this guy. They're all rapists. I think we're wearing baseball shirts. Some shit like that. We just came to performing. We look like idiots. They probably.

They probably had a few opinions about us. I think I was wearing a George Foster Road jersey at the time. They're like, what? What are these dicks? If we saved one girl from being fucking diddled that night, I feel like we did our part. Chris, two stars. I came down from Chicago for the hoinky this weekend. H-O-I-N-K-I-E.

A hoonkey? A hoonky. I came here for the hoinky. Where's the hokey at? Oh, is this going to be an acronym for a high school? Wait. H-O-I-N-H-O. Uh-uh.

It's hoinky. I don't know. I don't know. I came down Chicago for the hoonky this weekend. All right. All right. You'll blow your hoonkey, everybody. As expected, the shot was tough.

That's bowling. What I did not expect was how this place has put, maintenance to the wayside. The place as a whole is dirty and dingy. There were sticky approaches and uncleaned drink spills in the pit area. Sticky approaches is very bad, by the way, because you're wanting to slide up to the line. And if you stick, you're going to, the ball's going to go flying and you're going to fall over.

It's not really great. The air conditioning wasn't cooling the place very well. Why the fuck does every bowling alley, just make it freezing in there. And I'll be there all summer. I swear to God. Well, the other thing is anything that you're doing when you're moving around fucking air condition that like a crazy bastard. Yeah.

This place here is awful. The air conditioning wasn't cooling the place very well, so they had three big fans to push around warm air. Again, that's what these bowling alleys do. They have huge, these dose six foot tall fans. You know what I'm talking about? The giant fans like you put in a... Is it just a fan or is it a box swamp cooler? No, no, no.

It's a fucking giant fan. It's just a fan. Wow. Like you could see through the other side. There's no, like, equipment behind it. It's just a giant fan like you'd put in, like, you'd put in, like, like an airplane hanger. You can't do that.

That's what's... And you're standing there trying to get in front of it in between shots and just to cool the sweat on you a little bit. It's fucking brutal. Yeah. So, drink spills there. Air conditioning, not cool in the place. And to top it all off, it smelled of sewage. I don't understand how the owner could let this happen.

I always looked forward to bowling the hoonky. What is that? I don't know. You do the hoonky point? That's what I was thinking too, but I'm like, is it the hoinky poinky? What is they talking about? What is that? But after this year, I may not be coming back.

He capitalized hoinky this time. Like, it's a proper event. James, it's a hoonky classic. What is that? What is the hoonkey classic? What's happening? I don't know. What is going on?

Is this like a PBA? It's an event. It's a hoonk the 2025 hoonky class. I can't even say it. Is it like some kind of amateur tournament? It's got to be. Classic tournament. I mean, there's rankings and brackets.

Well, it might be. What in the fuck? It might be one of the ones because the way the pro tournament, the way the pro ranks work is they do these giant tournaments all week to see who's going to be in the pro tournament. Sometimes it's amateurs if they get, if they're in the top of the heap at the end of the thing. So maybe that's it. Maybe it's a qualifier for a pro event or maybe some of course sort of other amateur event. I'm not sure. What is hoonke?

The hoonke. The Hoinkie Classic is a long-standing bowling tournament that originated in 43 during World War II by Charles Hoyt. No, Irwin C. Hoinke, Sr. And Clarence Stegner. Stegner doesn't get his name on this. I'd have been very mad at you if you got Hoinkie's name wrong. So thank you for going back and correcting it. That's very important information.

It's to promote interest in bowling and support the war effort. How do you, oh, I guess, do you donate? What is this? It's a fundraiser? Oh my God. To support the war effort, what are we talking about? You got to take down the axis, Jimmy, what do you expect? One pin at a time, goddamn.

Damn Japanese are getting up and he. What are we talking about here? One frame at a time. It's taken over islands. What was the emperor's name? God, do you know. Hirohito. Yeah, Herodito.

They're going, take that, Hiroito. I just picked up a fucking 8, 10 split. Take that, Hirohito. Now what do you think? Yeah. That's what Cincinnati has, James. That and chili. That's not chili.

Do not call that chili. And the worst pizza in the country. The worst pizza in the country and diarrhea on spaghetti. That's what they eat there. Fucking place is a nightmare. Okay. Lori, two stars. Disheveled and understaffed, overpriced, bathroom was disgusting.

There literally was puke on the wall that had been there for a while. No, it's trying. It's dry. It's a flaky few. Yeah. The whole bathroom smelled like barf. Well, there's a reason for that. There is vomit on the walls.

It's going to happen there. Toilets not clean. It took 20 minutes for a beer while standing at the bar. Wasn't even like they had to bring it to me. They should be fined for the appearance of the outside. Is that how things work? I don't know if that works. I don't know.

It's a hot mess. The state is going to be. go high. Yeah. UWU, U-U, U-U, U-U, two stars. The food was delicious, but the things were expensive.

Well, the things. The things. The water should be free. Well, if they have a fountain or a fucking faucet, go ahead and put your head under it, but if you want it pre-packaged, it's going to cost you.

Yeah, if you want it in a cup with ice, well, I mean, if it comes from the bar, is it a bottle? What kind of water are they getting, What are they charging for? A cup of water from the gun should be free. That's free.

I would hope that's free. But, yeah, a bottle. And they also... And it's cincy? How are they so hoity-to-to-y they're charging for that? Yeah, really. I'm sure it's awful water, quality water or the tap water. And I put my hard-worked dollar, hard-worked dollar.

That dollar's been working hard-hard. Let me tell you something. Hard-worked. Hard-worked. Not hard-earned, hard-worked. I had it up my ass. I was doing all sorts of That makes it sound like you earned it

by sucking dick, right? Something, right? Hard work dollar in the vending machine and I didn't get my blue Gatorade. And they didn't even give my dollar back. And then this next sentence is all caps. And while they charging for water

they didn't even add ice. So, iceless tap water. The bowling was rigged. The bowling was rigged. There's a guy sitting back. there going, no, don't give her the seven. Keep the seven up. If a hand doesn't come out, it's not rigged.

If somebody comes out and grabs a pin, then it's rigged. You set pins up. Your roll a 15-pound fucking ball at them. What happens, happens. I don't know how you can rig that. That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. Are they Velcroed and did your ball bounce off of them? Yeah, is there like, is there gravel up the lane?

Are they not oiled? What are we talking about here? The bowling was rigged because it was going in a straight line and then it started sliding. And I know had a bowl and this never happened. Okay. Okay. You put more spin on it than you thought and there's oil on the lanes to a certain degree. And then at the end, the point is the catch at the end because there's less oil and

that's when the spin makes them catch and go. Takes a while for what you did to show up. That's the whole point of bowling. That's it. That's what makes it difficult. So it never happened ever. And people don't know how to keep their beer bottles to themselves. Get it off the floor.

It's cup holders for a reason. It's cup holders for a reason, Jimmy. That was in all caps. It's cup holders for a reason. The whole point of monkey do's. The whole reason. The whole reason. It's cup holders for a reason.

It's cup holders. That's one of my favorite. line so far in this entire show. Episode 158. It's cup holders for a reason is one of the best shows. And my blue icy tasted like beer. What is it with you in blue drinks? Are you an adult?

I need a blue Gatorade and a blue icy. Grow up. How do you have blue raspberry beer, please? Yeah. That is unacceptable. Do better, Western Bowl. Do better. Do better. Oh, man. Karen, two stars.

Another Karen. Jesus. It was so smelly in there. Only one set of bathrooms operating. The ceiling was leaking. Sunday, they were so unorganized, never seen it like this before. What ceiling was leaking? In the bathroom? Or just in general? These are, they wrote it like rap lyrics, like a line and then the next line.

It's not like in a paragraph. It's like in bars. She's spitting hot bars here. It was so smelly in there. Only one set of bathrooms operating. The ceiling was leaky. And then Sunday. It's all separate lines.

Next up is Steffles, two stars, Steffles. We went for the tournament, and the things I seen the staff doing was crazy. All right, let's get into this. Do not eat there. I seen them handle the food with their bare hands. Bear hands is capitalized in one word, by the way. Bear hands, like it's a band. Is it spelled like bear?

No, it's spelled correctly. Okay. But it's capitalized. and then lick their fingers and start a new order. Oh. No. What? I'm on your side now, Steffles.

One of the staff picked up a tater tot off someone's order and eat it and then took it to them. I like that. You know what? Chef is supposed to sample it to make sure it came out right. You got to pay the toll. It's the same thing. You got a sauce going and a little bit. That makes sense.

I get it. You don't grab your kids tater tots at home? French fry tax. You don't throw one down the gullet? That's what you do. You call it a tot tax. That's what you do. Tot tax.

That's it. You take it. We all steal our kids french fries. Another took a sip out of a soda so it would not overflow. Put the lid on and took it to the hustle. Oh, God. No. It's cup holders for a reason.

He said another. This isn't the same guy. God damn. He said, oh shit. And then put the lid on like you would do at 7-Eleven. He did it like it was a... Like it was his own coat. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's just instinct. That's just a kid that he drinks a lot of soda. Yeah. That's what it is. But then you go, oh, fuck, and you throw it out and start over again. Oh, that's terrible. Oh, that's amazing. I didn't even think that they might not want that.

He just sucked the foam and put the lid on it and handed it out. Oh, my God. That's wild. They're treating. Everybody's treating these orders like they're their kids' food they just prepared. Like they're making their kids. Grab a tot off of that. Let me get to sip off that strawberry milk.

What the fuck? I've never even considered that to be a thing. I guarantee you that's happened somewhere. Just that habit. Yeah. Oh, shit. You see fast food places. They just dump a little bit.

Right. Yeah. You know, they do it a million times a day. Somebody somewhere has done that. Whether it was like an accident or whatever, and they realized it in the middle of it or whatever. Somebody's done. That's very funny.

When we first got there, a man said all the meat was bad and to throw it away, but another man said no and to sell it. It's fine. No, I'll sell that. The staff is crazy. The tournament was fun, but the staff is horrible. All right. Greg, two-star.

The staff seems hysterical. I just want to watch. Hilarious to me. Yeah. Greg, two stars. Place is getting dirty and down or dirty and rundown, but he made a, he actually said dirty and then all one word, A-A-N-U-N-U-N-U-N-Dirty. Dirty and Nun-down. All right.

That sounds, hey, I'm going to go dirty and nun-down. A group of neighbors and I went on Sunday and took the kids. Aide at Cancun. I think that's the Mexican place. It's very good, according to. to that one lady. $150 plus. Well, that's not the bowling alley's fault

with the Mexican food place next to our charges for their food. You can't, yeah. And how many people? Took kids. A group of neighbors and I went on Sunday and took kids. We don't know how many adults.

That's going to be $150. Easy. That's what I mean. Then went to bowl. Maintenance guy gave us hell for having food and carryout containers. No one was eating outside of Cancun. The food police can relax.

I won't be back. Plenty of other venues to drop $75 for a night out to entertain the kiddos. These people think just because they have $75, they get to treat anybody however they want. Worse. I spend $75. Evidently, people in this country and whatever, generalization, think that because they have their kids with them, it's a free. Above the law. You're going to charge me?

I'm here for my, this isn't even for me. I don't give a fuck. I have diplomatic immunity. There's children. That's how they act. And monetary. Monetal. Yeah.

You should give kids everything because, you know, it's not a business. Monetary immunity here. I don't have to pay for anything. No, that's really what it feels like. By the way, we're going to do an update on Emiliano's, by the way. The great pizza place that we like here so much that we did reviews for. And everybody loves the owner because he fucking fires back on people and he's great. I was just in there.

the other night picking up some pizzas and I was talking to the guy and he goes he goes he's seen the reviews lately I said no he goes I've been giving him shit every mother every one of those motherfuckers and I'm like we're gonna do an update he goes hey do it do an update yeah I'm I'm giving him the fucking business I was like good good I'll I'll do that I'll be in there don't you worry about that yeah that by the way thank everybody for going there and being cool because we've apparently sent them a fucking a lot of business yeah people driving out of their way hours to go there and stuff so it's amazing are cool as fuck anyway Blue, two stars.

I've grown up on the West Side, and this place has always been the go-to for bowling. Unfortunately, the staff is extremely rude for the pricing, and for the busted pool area is ridiculous and unconventional. It's a weird way to put it. Oh, pool tables. Billiards, yeah. But I would say my main issue with the place isn't necessarily the bowling. In fact, it is okay and very basic. It's bowling.

It's the same bowling. My main issue is the old woman who works the bar. She is probably the rudest, meanest person I've ever come in contact with in a customer setting. I'm overly nice to this woman every time I come here and it does not matter. She is permanently in a horrible mood and treats people horrible. Yeah, she's the grumpy old lady at the bowling alley. That's going to happen. She's the bartender.

Yeah. I've watched her laughing it up and talking with her coworkers, but as soon as she comes to the counter to serve you, It's a 180. She very clearly hates her job and needs a new one away from people. Okay. Billy Joe, one star. Uh-oh. You're a guy or a gal?

It doesn't matter. It's a Billy Joe. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. I played on the machine a banjo song in honor of my grandma from the Appalachians. Oh, boy. These people came in from the hills. Cincinnati is close to Kentucky.

close to the hills. A horrifying area. When people in the hills say they're going to the city, they're going to Cincinnati. That's where they're going. Like in those Kentucky, Western Kentucky hills. Yeah. This place doesn't even have its own airport. They use Kentucky.

They use Kentucky. Yep. Yeah. A little tribute to her because she loves banjo music and bowling. So it was perfect. And 10 seconds in, they turned it down all the way to the point, me and my friends couldn't listen to it. Oh, that is amazing. This is terrible.

We're turning that down. This is really upsetting, considering I paid for this. Do better. Torment everyone else with your grandma's banjo music. Crash one star. Since when does it cost $73 for $73 for four people to bowl two games? And your blowers don't work to dry your hands and your bathrooms are atrocious.

Yeah, that's not good. Blowers on the ball returns, they mean. At the back, they all have a little blowing air there. People need to clean them better. The balls are filthy. My hands turn black. Do better. A lot of do betters here.

And your pool tables need new felt put on them. And they're off balance too. We should have went to stumps. Won't be back anytime soon. Well, please, I implore you. Go to stumps. I beg you. I've never, look, I used to play in pool tournaments in Phoenix.

And I've never been to a place that I was like, Dang, these pool tables are amazed. They're in great shape. They're all gross. They're all fucked up because tons of people are playing on them. Right. And if you put the new felt down... They're used every day, all day.

Yeah, you put new felt down in a week, they'd be all fucked up again. It doesn't matter. So, yeah, they go as long as they can. Anita, one star, their women bathroom stink and is not clean. Their women's, yeah. There's no S's here used. The women bathroom stink. That's it.

That I would blame on the women. Yeah. We'll never go there again. Just nasty. There's vomit on the walls. It is nasty. Sierra One Star, terrible experience. The lane broke twice before we made it to the fifth hole.

Well, if you're, yeah, that's because you're using golf clubs. There's a whole other issue here. The lane broke before the fifth hole. The fifth hole, Jerry. Okay. Yeah. The second time took them 20. plus minutes to fix.

Got a large pizza and all the cheese was burnt. Awesome. And came off as one flake. Not so awesome. The entrance is extremely run down. Don't waste your time coming to this location. We get it here. Don, one star.

Burnt fries and they wouldn't refund because my son ate one fry. Yeah, you eat one and say that's gross and then you give them back. Yeah. How am I to know that it's disgusting? Unless I put it in my fucking mouth. I don't give it a shot. Yeah. Well, you already ate one.

So those are yours now? Sorry, those are your fries. Enjoy. We tasted them before we sent them out. We knew they were good. Hey, hey, you know, they were good fry. Yeah, he said they were good back there. He had a few of them.

He said your Coke's pretty good, too. The carbonation level on it is excellent. So you should enjoy that. You paid the fry tax. Yeah. Brittany one star. If I could give zero stars, I would.

She did it. Yay, Brittany. My daughter has cerebral palsy. Oh, God. Oh, no. I'm so sorry, Brittany. That's terrible. That's brutal.

How does she bowl? She didn't say the daughter balls. Oh, right. Yeah. I mean, maybe they can, even if she's in a wheelchair, they could wheel her up to the ramp thing. Yeah, they got those little ramps. Yeah, they could throw it on there. Yeah.

And trying to change her in the bathroom is close to impossible. I think she's... Oh, fuck. Yeah. Very sad that there is no handicap accessible bathrooms. Okay. yeah, you should have that. Got to have a bathroom.

I think that's the law, usually. I would think, right? I don't think you should. I think you have to. Yeah. I know people complain about the ADA for whatever reasons and all that thing. But this is one of those things

where someone in a wheelchair should be able to go to the bathroom. That's just crazy to not have that. I understand like at bars where they have just like a random ass bathroom out there and they're like, I don't know, figure it out, it's at your own risk. This is a family establishment

where people bring babies and you've got to be able to change them. Yeah, and it's not an 800 square foot dive bar. It's a 68 lane bowling alley where I'm sure they have room to put a stall in. That's a great point, too. You got 68 lanes and not enough room for somebody to change a baby with a handicap? Make it 67 and put a fucking stall in there. Right.

So this poor palsy kid can get her shit changed. Like, this poor kid. Jesus Christ. I feel terrible. That's terrible. Riley, one star, very terrible customer service, declined my ID because it was paper even though it's my 21st. She went there on her 21st birthday and they said, sorry, no. And then we couldn't even have a damn birthday cake inside for five minutes and they refused to give a refund.

She tried to have her 21st birthday here and they just destroyed it. And they left sober with an uncut cake. It's not good. Mark one star. I give this bowling alley a zero stars because the alley smells like pure sewage. And the only way to get the smell to go away is to shut the door.

What door? Yeah. Front door? I do not. I cannot believe that they bowl a big tournament in there with how bad it is. I wouldn't suggest going into that bowling alley, even for open bowl.

Never mind a tournament. Right. Remind the hoiky. Whoa, the hoinkle or whatever it was, the hoinkle. If you are going to have a big tournament like that, at least stake care of the people and show the people that you care, they show up. Probably will not bowl in the hoonkey again. Oh, he played the hoonky.

He's in the hoonky. Christopher one star, disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Okay. Angry. It's sad, too, because they have a decent setup. three games for the kids, and they're rigged. Don't waste your money.

What advantage would they have of you getting a lower score at bowling? It's not like you win something. If you could bowl a 300, they don't bring you a big stuffed animal or anything. It's just, hey, good for you. You don't get to put your name on the front of the building. You get nothing. They might have a, because our thing has like a whiteboard for games. They might get a dry erase marker and say, hey, this guy bowl the 300 this day.

And then the next week they'll erase it. That's it. Yeah, that's exciting, a 300. but there's no prizes. This isn't ski ball. You don't get tickets if you bowl a good game. Wow. Bowling is fun and cheap if you can handle the horrible smell.

I think the police should probably investigate the basement of that place because the smell is deep. Yeah, I'm sure it's a mountain of corpses, not shit and bad pipes. And vomit. It's a bowling out. I don't even know how else to describe it. The whole outside is half broken down like a horror movie. I will never even step foot in the parking lot again.

Press back on your browser and go out of your way to pick a good one. Okay, if you're looking at you. Stop Googling this place. Yeah. You don't want it. All right. Samara, one star. This place is pretty dirty.

Was told no food except Pepsi products and some brownies were even worth for sale, even though we went there at dinner time. Well, yeah, they have Pepsi. Most places have Coke or Pepsi. That's what it is. So that's just how life is. The lanes themselves... And the West Coast does Pepsi mostly?

Is that what it is? It depends on the place, in the town and the city. Does the East Coast have Pepsi a lot? East New York is very Pepsi. Really? New York is Pepsi, Pepsi is based here. Pepsi's in Pace, New York.

That's where it's based. Oh, is that right? Yeah, you go to restaurants here, it's 90% Pepsi. Whereas if you go in Georgia, they're like, what that P-word? They don't even know what Pepsi is. They're like a Coke. Colorado loves Pepsi too.

It depends on the place. It really does. It's a like Arizona's a 50-50. There's no, it's not on either. It's a toss-up. It's a toss-up. That depends on what's cheaper for the business, I think. That's all it is, whatever the distributor in the area, or if it's the same, it's just whoever the guy who makes a decision and a lady who makes a decision likes better. Who knows? Here. The lanes themselves are updated, but nothing else, and the bathroom smelled so freaking bad they were gag-worthy. Oh.

Okay. Lisa, one star. I wish some of the staff members, the younger ones, could be a little more professional, helpful, and kind. Some of the lane monitors had poor attitudes and were not very helpful throughout the tournament as we encountered deadwoods, incorrect scoring, faulty foul lights, and tacky approaches in bowlers areas. The tournament has been running for a very, very long time since 46, you said. 43. 43.

I would have hoped it would have been better, would have better operations by now. It's the simple stuff. This hoinky has ravaged their fucking race. Destroyed their fucking reputation here. All right, this guy likes his whiskey here. Just in one star. We went there Saturday to a tournament to watch a friend at 2.30. While the tournament was going down, we went to the bar to order drinks.

Bartender already looked a little frustrated, looking busy. As we approached, we asked for a few mixed drinks and let us know he was out or never had carried a few things we request. We don't have any of that. We changed our order. He said out in front of others. As we changed our order, he set out in front of others. What happened to the good old days of people just ordering Jack and Coke? Oh, boy.

Well, that's, I don't know. He gives a shit. I know what's in that. That's why, because it says it in the title. Otherwise, I'm not good at drinks. Sounded true of how he felt, and I didn't feel customer service was his top priority. Well, next time, I'll go back. Also, bartenders don't usually have a mixologist.

They have somebody to throw some shit in a cut. It's not, or bowling alleys don't have that. You know what I mean? Not bartenders. So I will make sure to be riding a horse to the wet. What? Okay. Next time I go back, I will make sure to be riding a horse to the Western Bowl

to give my bartender a little piece of my mind knowing he must be a whiskey drinker. P.S. Please make sure I have a place to tie down my horse. horse. Thanks. He must be saying it's like the old West because all he can get is whiskey. It's the only thing I can imagine he's trying to get at there. All right, let's not do that. Let's, okay. Lawrence, one star. Well, I know I vowed never to go back, but hey, I did. And it was great. One star, okay? They explained how they were changing for the two-hour period. The lane had plenty of, the lane had plenty of milk on them. Is that what we're calling the oil? I've never.

Ever heard it called milk before. Ever. Never once. Never watching bowling on TV as a kid when my dad had a never once. Maybe you should start saying that. I am. Man, he said, milky lanes today, boy, slippery. Who's the guy that milked him today?

Great work. Great lane milker. Meaning the lane reaction had great breaking traction. Yeah, we knew what you meant. I've literally never heard that term before, but that might be me. I'm not an example. We assume that's what he meant. Sure, I grew up going bowling all the time, and my dad was a league bowler,

bowl leagues twice a week, and we go now and we watched it on TV. Still, never heard that term, but it's probably me. I'm sure that's a term. We all called it oil for the entire lifetime. I'm sure that's a term somewhere. Maybe it's regional. I don't know. Richard.

Watching them do it as wild, too. Those little machines are crazy. Yeah, they just go down and they stop. Yeah. The guy with the cord following. Yeah. Richard One Star. It's awful.

A great iconic place and it's so hot in there. You can't enjoy playing the games that they have, which is bowling cool. Which is bowling cool, okay? Whatever you can't enjoy a casual iconic place. To bowl, that's been in history for a long time that the owners will not fix the air conditioning or upgrade. The things and fixed things. Oh, upgrade the things and fix things. He puts periods in the middle of sentences.

This person. Yeah. The one is, whatever, you can't enjoy a casual, iconic place, period. To bowl, that's been in history for quite a long time. He just randomly puts periods in here. This hokey, I'm telling you. It's all hiked up. Yeah.

It's very sad to lose such a great icon in place for family and fun. Sorry, one star, horrible. Fix it or close it and tear it down. Fix it or close it and tear it down. Okay. Fix it up, close it, tear it down. Do it. All right, we'll go, we'll move on here in a second.

Chris, one star. One of the worst place. One of the worst place to have a tournament. Not worst places. One of the worst places. They don't oil the lanes for every squad. But your milk's all fucked up then. So you might get lucky if your squad gets it, which is an unfair advantage.

The place is falling apart, run down dump. The employees are rude as hell. The approaches are tacky as hell. If I could give it a minus zero, I would. Oh, okay. We've read hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of reviews on this show. We've never heard one person say, if I could give it a minus zero, I would. That's a new one.

Thank you. That's a person that doesn't know how numbers were. No, they do not get that. That's just zero, man. Minus zero. Don't go to bowl here. Oh, and no AC. No practice before you bowl.

If you do, it's two minutes. They mean before the tournament starts. You don't get practice balls. Usually get a couple of practice frames. Like if you're, you know, bowling on TV or something, you get a couple practice frames. And then finally, last one, Tanya, one star, brought a four-year-old up to bowl with adults for his birthday. We spent 60 bucks just to bowl and drinks. Yeah, that's, by the way, terrible time for all the adults there.

Whenever there's a child bowling, it's like, well, fuck it. I guess I don't care what I'm doing. Right, because we're not going to put the guardrails up. every time this kid goes out. There are those ones that have it like built into where when the kid's name comes up, it does it on its own. Yeah. The one by me,

you can like, you can like hit a button and it will pop up so you can have it. Oh. For like one lane, one frame you could do it if you want. One frame. Pull them up and put them back. Oh,

that's nice. That's funny. They just pop up from the gutters. So those are, that's nice. Oh, they come up from the, that's cool. Yeah, they just come out from the gutters.

Not from the rail in between each, each lane. I think they're maybe from, but the thing attached to the gutter. So I think they just come over from that. Oh, they just come over over. Yeah. Yeah. Not quite sure.

That's not including the food we were going to buy. We just got in the place, had the smallest cake we could for a four-year-old. We didn't have chips or balloons, nothing of the sort. And they walked up and said, we couldn't have a cake for a four-year-old. Kid can't even eat it. That's just so stupid. Do you sell cake here? Do you sell whole cakes at the bowling alley?

No. Oh, well, then fuck you. How's that? We got one. Yeah, I get it's like you can't bring hamburgers in here. We sell hamburgers. But you don't sell whole cake. You don't sell birthday cakes here, you stupid asshole.

So what do you want for me? But there's also this like, I mean, I understand that it causes problems with like the trash around, the mess that it makes sometimes. Not necessarily cake, but like any food, really. Yeah. But if it's a big, like bowling. It seems to me like a bar. Like if you order food to a bar, you can fucking eat it there. Yeah, because they don't sell it.

Right. If they have food, then you can't. They don't have nachos here. I ordered them. They're on the way. It's different. Yeah, it's a different thing. Or if we found out with Murder McDonald's last week, if you're the security guard,

you can just eat a Domino's pizza in the middle of McDonald's dining room. But also, birthdays happen bowling. That's a... Yeah. Everybody knows that. Yeah. Kids like to bowl, and it's a good way to let them all get some energy out and keep them in one place. Yes.

Keeps them in an air-conditioned place and they all have a common goal in mind. Yeah. This cost y'all more money than you realize. I promise you that. We didn't have 10 kids. We didn't have outside food or drinks and they acted like we committed a crime. All right. Let's go someplace mushy.

What do you say? Let's go get some mush, Jimmy. Oh, what's this? We're going to smoothie king. Oh, yeah. Which I've never had before. You've never had one? No.

No, I don't know. It's a chain. Yeah. I mean, I'm fine with mix up some vegetables, some fruit and some shit. I'll eat a smoothie, but I've just never had it. I do the, there's a workout one-stop nutrition, I think it's what it's called. I don't know. It's fine.

You can get a meal replacement shake there, which is nice. Interesting. Well, it's a health conscious chain featuring blended drinks and varied flavors with fruits and veggies. Right. This one has 4.3 stars out of 268 reviews. It is, oh, sorry, Ohio. 1246 West Fifth Avenue, Space 16, Columbus, Ohio.

All right. Ohio's really catching some strays today. Apologies, Ohio, not intended. Jessica 5 stars. I love this smoothie king and literally order every single day. The team here's amazing, always friendly and welcome me by name when I come in for pickup. I cannot say every day. I cannot say enough good things about Kaylee, who is the OG there now.

Yeah, she's the veteran. Here's the funny thing. When, like, gangsters came up with the term OG in, like, the 70s and 80s, he's an OG. He's a little homie, all that kind of shit. Did they expect a chick named Kaylee who works at the smoothie king to ever be called an OG? To be the OG. Kaylee from the smoothie king. Yeah.

With a visor on that says smoothie king on it. For an olive garden to be called the OG. The OG, yeah. Man, the parking lot sucks, all caps. But the smoothies and people make it worth it. Oh, yeah. Here we go. Just in five stars.

Bill's always nice, kind, and respectful to me and my friends that I come in with. Smoothie is always good. Not smoothie. The smoothie? Smoothie. Smoothie is always good. They'll make smoothies. Everybody else makes smoothies.

Smoody King. Knock off smoothie King, yeah. Fair McDonald's, I'm MacDowls. Our buns have no seeds. That's what they're doing. James. The smoothie king.

We don't have a crown on our world. No crowd. He got the golden arches. We got the golden arcs. I love that. Two stars from James. Zero customer service skills. Maybe pick up a friendly attitude.

Definitely not coming back. If you're being sensitive or selective with your kindness, you're not an actual kind person. Oh, what is that? Somebody, they were nicer to someone in front of them than him, I think, is how it works. Yvette, two stars. Customer service rep who took our order was rude. Do you mean the counterperson at the smoothie king? The smoothie king.

Customer service rep is really stretching that title. Yeah, they got an acronym around here. That's a CSR. Yeah, that is not. Wow. Was rude, irritated and agitated with mine and my daughter's presence. Well, maybe you're an asshole. I don't know.

Or maybe they're an asshole. Maybe you and your kid are dicks. Who knows? You guys are giving off shitty vibes, and she's picking those up. We don't know. Madness, ones are two stars. The smoothies are great. However, the employees at this location has very poor hygiene.

All of them, apparently, have very, very. for hygiene. No hand washing and uniforms that seemed as though they hadn't been washed in weeks. I don't know. I feel like after three hours on a shift there, you'd have shit all over you, wouldn't you? Yeah, but as teenagers, okay, I had a uniform at Peter Pryor Pizza. I worked at that place for a year and a half. I don't remember putting that in a washer. No. Thanks, fuck. I never had a uniform job. Except for Taco Bell. it in a backpack. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't planning on washing my Taco Bell gear. So I'll tell you that. I quit after before a day was over because I got another job. But I got another job where I didn't. Yeah, didn't have to put an embarrassing outfit on. And so I was like, I'll take that job instead. That is a tough way to live in one. Yeah. At 16, that's what you do. That's what you're supposed to do. You get a job that if people, if your friends see you doing it, they make fun of you. That's it. Well,

Not really because they ask you for free food is what it is. Yeah, yeah. They didn't ask you for shit. I was thrilled when my friends got jobs at fast food. I was like, fuck yeah. We got KFC now, everybody. Hell yeah. Everybody would be excited.

I wore a fucking teal shirt. Yeah. So did I. Taco Bell. Pizza slices on the corners with pepperoni chunks stuck to it. Yeah, shapes and shit around the word Peter Pie for pizza. I remember that. Peanut one star.

Three visits all. Terrible almost. Uh-oh. All terrible, almost. Um, so not all. Almost. You just take, okay. Take that almost.

Put that before the all. There you go. Now you're working. Egg toast had no seasoning on it and it didn't taste well. Second visit. My smoothie was icy and way too thick. Smoothies are supposed to be creamy and smooth. Maybe the employees should be on the smoothie.

the blend and watch those training videos. What the fuck are you talking about? Third visit ordered a go-coconut bowl with no blueberry. Go-cocanut bowl. Oh, yeah. Go-cocan-cocan-cote. With no blueberry, no granola, and extra banana. Got blueberries, no banana, got granola and seeds.

Opposite. That is very funny. That's very funny. Just give them extra everything they say. No. And then none of what they wanted. None of what they wanted. And then add some weird seeds to it also for some reason.

There's some chi in there. That's what the seeds. Yeah. The bowl was for my girlfriend who's allergic to blueberries. The job is not hard. How hard is it to follow a picture and chit? Shit. And shit?

They said CHIT and shit. I guess they mean shit. I don't know. That's all I can think. If the smoothie is too thick, just hold the high pulse button. for a few seconds, shaking my head, or follow corporate protocol and remake the entire thing.

Oh, my God. I think this person worked at smoothie king at some point. It says they have a lot of... Inside working. Yeah, they know the smoothie king. Jeff, one star, if you want some teenagers

to act sketchy and possibly do something gross to your drink for $10 a drink plus tip, go here. Well, it was over full. They had to suck the top out of it. Isn't this the type of place where it's like subway where you watch them do it? Yeah.

Is it like that? So how are they doing something? Well, I don't know if smoothie king is, but every smoothie I've ever ordered anywhere, they do it right fucking there. They don't go in the back room and then come out with a smoothie. You can't drag their balls through the cup. No, that's what I'm saying. It's like there's a subway reviews that we'll do at some point. And people are complaining that they did this and they did that.

I'm like, aren't you watching them do it? Then tell them not to put. They put this on there. I didn't want it. Then tell them to take you the fuck off. You're watching them do it, you idiot. What do you think? That glass is like they can't, there's no communication through it, through that domed glass over there.

Yeah, it sounds like glass. Fuck. Okay. Google lists the operating hours. I said no pickles. They put pickles on my sandwich. And then I just said, all right, now cucumber. Yeah.

What the fuck? What are you doing? It's on you, stupid. Google lists the operating hours is open until 10 p. So at around 10 minutes to nine after the gym, I decided to get a smoothie for myself and my partner. When I walked in, one of the two kids behind the counter raised his hands and said something, but the music was loud enough that it was distorted coming from the speaker, and I couldn't make out what he said, so I went to the counter. Maybe he said, hey, how's it going?

How are you? Welcome to smoothie king. The other kid came up to the register and said that all orders would take longer, and a bowl would take 30 to 45 minutes because they were cleaning. I told him I just wanted two medium smoothies, so he rang me up. I added a 25% tip to the order to show them I appreciated them taking the order. Then I waited a while, and the kid who said something when I walked in the door called over to the other one. With both of them looking directly at me, he said something to the kid that took my order,

which at first the other kid shook his head to, then something else was said, And he shrugged. Okay. Okay. I was a little uncomfortable with this. So after a while, I went back toward the register and I said, you know, if you guys just want to focus on cleaning, I'm fine with that. You can just cancel my order. Like, they're putting some weird shit in here.

He looked at her and said, what should we do to her drink? Yeah. I said, I don't know. What's up to you? Looks like a bitch to me. I guess so. Yeah, I guess. Do you pine solid or dirty dick it?

Look at that douchebag duty sitting out in the car with her. He's a fucking, yeah, let's put something in his drink, too. Fuck that guy. I think that's a good idea. Just rub it. Wait till after I sip the top off of it, then rub your cock on it. Okay, there, perfect. They said...

Rub the rim of it, like a, like an orange. Like a lemon peel on a drink. Yeah. Do that. An orange peel on an old hash. That's it, exactly. They said they couldn't refund an order, and the one who took my order started filling up a blender job.

just like flinging stuff in. So I start watching very closely what he does. And at one point, he turns, sees him looking, and takes the nearly full blender jar into the back with him for nearly three minutes. And that's where he fucked it. And that's where he jerked off in your smoothie. Three minutes. You know what I mean.

That's plenty of time for this kid, I think. If you need an ingredient, why take the whole blender jar? jar with you. Well, because you don't want to come back with a handful of jizz. That's why he used it as a receptacle, sir. Because that ingredient is not in a jar somewhere. And why does it take so long to get a thing? Hey, for him, it's pretty quick, maybe. That's pretty quick. That's pretty fast. He's sick. I could squeeze one off pretty good here. And maybe he squeezed one off this morning. Yeah. At this point, I left having paid $25 for nothing. Well, it's $125 for a jess deep drink.

Oh, shit. It's worth noting that I had a weird moment with the kid who tried to stop me at the door, but I couldn't hear. One other time, several weeks before. Okay. A girl was taking my order, and he pulled her aside, whispered something to her, smirked at me when he noticed that I noticed the odd behavior. She, however, said no to whatever he said and made our order with no problem. Can I come in it? I'm going to jerk off in that.

No. So drink with caution. Or not at all. This is the brother's drink I jizz in. Oh, it's Jeff. This is Jeff's drink. It's Jeff. She's a guy.

This lady is so paranoid that everybody's coming in her drinks. This lady's name is Jeff. I keep saying it over and over. It's not a lady. Oh, sorry. This Jeff has drank so much jizz. Over the years, he's got so much jizz in him. It's not even funny.

That's fucking great. All right. Red one star. Two very rude men working. They had an attitude the moment I walked in there. Like they were annoyed, but they just stared or they just started talking to each other. They said absolutely nothing to me the second I walked in. And I didn't even get greeted and waited 15 minutes until they took my order.

But they didn't even say they were ready to take my order. I think the whole time they were just waiting for you to order, which they should probably say, can I help you? That'd probably be helpful. Yeah. What do you here for? Yeah, get you something. He just looked at me until I started talking. Yeah, they don't want you to order here. That's the thing. They want to close up early and not make any smoothies is the goal of the day. We'd rather just clean, already clean things and nobody shows up. That would be great while we jerk off in blenders. They were cleaning three hours. hours before closing, so waited about 20 minutes for two small smoothies will not be returning. Yeah, it really seems like that's the goal here.

Yeah. To get out of work without having made any smoothies. Right. And possibly to get a nut off while we're here, too. Me, you never know. Depending on if Jeff's in town or not. So funny. Jeff is, he's paranoid. He's scared to death to taste jizz one day.

Although three minutes in the back with the blender, I'd start to get a little. paranoid myself there. What the fuck? It could be anything. Bad Bunny, one star. No, really. I went to Smoothie King and had a terrible experience. Well, he is very fluent in English. That's great.

Telling you, he's very bilingual. The employees had an awful attitude, more focused on their phones and headphones than on helping customers. The two men who attended me were extremely rude. To make things worse, one of them spent several minutes in the bathroom. and when she came out, the place reeked of marijuana. You went in the bathroom to smoke weed? Not outside? That's hilarious.

She doesn't give a shit. These employees don't give a fuck about this place at all. Wow. It is unacceptable for a store of this kind to allow such behavior. Yeah, take that shit to Arby's down the road, pal, where they let you smoke, do drugs in the bathroom. It was probably a vape pen. It probably wasn't actual.

smoke, right? I would fucking hope not. That would be wild. That's an amazing young lady if she's just like fuck it, I'm taking bong rips in the bathroom. I don't even do that. You know what I mean? I should and I don't. Then this next

line is wildly crazy for a smoothie king. Drug testing should definitely be required for the staff. Oh, don't you dare. Why would you drug test the smoothie king kids? Are you out of your fucking mind? You think You're ever getting an employee if you start doing that?

No. On top of that, the smoothies were awful. I definitely will not be coming back. All right. One more, and then we will call it a day on smoothie king and finish up smoothie king next week, and we have some other fun shit too for next week. Let's go to Eve, one star.

I went here a while ago, and someone who clearly worked there brought a cat into their place of work. Okay. and all the workers all pet the cat and then just made my smoothie without washing their hands. Oh, I don't like that. No, you're definitely eating fur, for sure. There's hair in there. You may or may not be eating jizz, but you're definitely eating cat dander.

We got a medium furry jizz smoothie here. Who wants it? The smoothie was okay, but I get really nervous about hygiene, so it stressed me out the whole time. I don't fucking blame you. And you know what? that's not your fault. You should be stressed out in this place about it. Who knows what you're putting in your mouth? I'm stressed out in this place already. So I'm not even fucking going there. So there's

Smoothie King. We've got a couple more reviews for that to start out next week. And then we will dive into a whole bunch of other shit. We've got a really weird little fish market we're going to go to. We've got all sorts of fun stuff. It's going to be a lot of fun. So thank you so much for joining us today. Head over to shut up and give me murder.com. If you want any kind of merchandise, stuff like that. It'll all be there. Also, check out our other two shows, crime in sports and small town murder,

which are just like they sound except hilarious. And if you want to watch us, Small Town Murders on Netflix twice a week, so you can't miss us there. We're really hard to miss if you want to find us. We're easy to be found. So do that. Keep coming back and hanging out with us.

We will for sure see you next week. And until then, everybody, have a good one. Bye. Thank you.