Your Stupid Opinions - Dead Wife Replacement, Crime Scene Apartments, Disinterested Dancers, Old Stuff Museum

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

We check out people's reviews & complaints about an apartment complex with rats, roaches, and murders. A very personal item, that will make you forget about your dead spouse. A technology museum that doesn't quite have the technology that some people are looking for. A strip club where the price of dances seems to vary greatly, based on your watch & much more!!Join comedians James Pietragallo and Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section!Subscribe and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!!!Don't forget to rate & review!!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie WhismanSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to your stupid opinions ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello there, everybody, and welcome back to Your Stupid Opinions. Oh, hey! How are you out there, everybody, and welcome back to Your Stupid Opinions. Oh, hey! How are you out there, everybody? My name is James Petrogallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman.

Thank you for joining us today. We have so much fun for you today. We have a terrible apartment complex. We have a really nice place, a museum that's supposed to be wonderful we're gonna get that then there's a place that's definitely not a museum that's definitely not supposed to be wonderful and our personal item it's so good i can't wait to get into this everybody definitely follow us on social media here there's pages for everything for your stupid opinions and uh also there's groups where they post lots of stuff it's a good time so do

that and before we start i just must say these are not our opinions true we've never been to most of these places if we have we'll tell you but if not we're going to just give you other people's opinions and some of them are going to be stupid so let's get to it great let's go we're going to durham north carolina oh we are where coincidentally yeah we will be with small town murder doing a live show on may the 31st tickets are still available to that one just that's one of the ones there few that they're available for the next night in nashville sold out so get your tickets that said we're moving into durham we're not just going there for a show jimmy we're going there permanently around we're staying we're going to do the show with all of our shit we're gonna show you randon's moving in we're sticking around it's

happening yes we're going to see the cosplay so not a cosplay cosner play baseball at the state so here we go the bailey apartments the bailey bailey apartments yes this is in Durham. It's, where is it, 4800 University Drive in Durham. And it has 3.2 stars on Google. That's not good for an apartment complex. No. The pictures look great, too. I'll show you the pictures. Nice pool.

Oh, my God. Very white. Looks like luxury apartments. Clean, nice. That's what they look like in the pictures. Now, people seem to have a different opinion here. Let's get into this with Paul. Paul gives five stars.

This is from a week ago, too. A couple of five stars. Yeah. It's funny. All the five stars are from people who have yet to move in. They're like, went to the office. Lease was super easy. Everybody was nice. Can't wait to move in they're like went to the office lease was super easy everybody was nice can't wait to move in and then it's like all the one stars are from people who have lived there so that's the fun

part they've been in a while five stars ashley was such a great help although we didn't end up signing a lease at this property ashley was the best leasing agent we encountered during our apartment hunt i do love this property. They didn't even rent here, but they gave it. We got a new place, yeah. Imagine reviewing a place you didn't even decide to rent. How desolate. Experience of looking.

Yeah. Five stars. How sad is Paul's life where he's like, I got to get on and give that Ashley a nice review. Here's Kalina gives five stars. Sharonda and Ashley were amazing. Three exclamation points. Ashley again, yeah. This Ashley will make you, even if you don't move in, you're going to think about it.

She'll sell you a divorce place. Oh, yeah. You're going to think about her for a while. They showed us the property and apartment, answered all our questions about the property and amenities. That seems real basic of what their job is. They answered questions and unlocked a lock. I went to McDonald's. I ordered a hamburger.

They gave me one. Five stars. My husband and I loved this property. We hope to be moving in soon. So they hope. We'll see. Waiting on the approval. Waiting.

Giovanna gives five stars. They are great. Everything went smooth and calm. We'll see. Waiting on the approval. Waiting. Giovanna gives five stars. They are great. Everything went smooth and calm. That's good. Calm. Calm's a weird way to put it. It sure is. The apartments look great.

I think we made the right decision. Uh-oh. Let's find out here if you made the right decision with some one-star reviews from people who actually lived here. Okay, James, one star. Absolute worst place to stay in durham women's worst women in the front office are catty and rude ashley ashley i thought ashley was the best the apartments until we move in until we get there the apartments are poorly insulated and the roaches are the biggest i've ever seen the biggest i've seen he's not even upset that there are roaches that's just like roaches i expect that but this size of these roaches though is insulting honestly they should pay rent that's how big they are

they should at least chip in on the electric bill i feel like holy shit it takes weeks for things to be fixed, including your air conditioning in the summer. Three exclamation points. If you've ever been to North Carolina in the summer, it's necessary. Yeah, but probably, I mean, everything goes out in the summer. That's when most of them are the busiest. The AC, you fix that shit quick. In Phoenix, if the AC goes out, no matter if you're that's when most of them are that's when they're the busiest ac you fix that shit quick in phoenix you hope if the ac goes out no matter if you're in a complex or if you're at your

house and you call someone to repair they're there that day there's no uh maybe next week it's no i'll be right i've never had anybody not show really that fucking day to fix i've had yeah i've had i've had them take a week whatever the house house warranty shit was. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That shit, yeah. Because you have to use them if you want it done at a... Otherwise, I'm paying $800 to have somebody come out today. I don't care.

I'll panhandle for air conditioning. I will go out on the fucking street. I'll suck a dick for air conditioning. Do you understand? I might blow the guy that fixes it in the next hour. I will be fucking... I'll put gay for air a sign. I don't care.

I am not being hot. I don't deal with that shit at all gay for gay c that's what we call it so including fixing your air conditioning in the summer you've been warned five exclamation points then this is the most ominous all caps don't move here don't you do which sounds like a warning sign in like a tunnel in goonies you know what i mean don't go here oh fuck what's happening uh katherine with one star she's got all sorts of complaints let's get into it thirteen hundred dollars a month for rent which is not cheap it's affordable it's but it's not cheap it's not like depending yeah depending on what you're getting for that that too. That's the thing, yeah. When all the gym machines except one are broken, that's not good.

The computer and printer in the lobby are broken. Well, you should have your own computer probably. Yeah, what are you doing? There are constant cockroaches despite exterminator visits. It seems like that's what's going on there. The trash valet service used to be good. What the fuck is that? What?

What is trash valet? Do you just put it like a hotel? You put your bag outside and someone comes and picks it up? Is it literal valet that's just trash? They ding your car? I don't know. The trash valet service used to be good. But I had an entire week where my trash was not collected.

There you go. That's what it is. Trash valet. I want a little chauffeur hat and everything if you're going to not collected. There you go. That's what it is. Does he come in like, I want like a little, like a chauffeur hat and everything. If you're going to do that, white glove service, the pool is broken without any email notifying tenants. Okay. Today I was told by staff I had to leave the pool area because the pool was broken.

Therefore, the entire pool area was closed, even just to enjoy the sun on the chairs. I asked when it would be fixed and the staff member said, quote, probably a long time. Probably a while. Just say, I don't know. Don't give that. Probably a long time. Fuck off. Don't make the mistake I did by signing a lease agreement here.

I pay the full amount for half the amenities they advertise. That's not good. What makes a pool broken? Is it concrete and there's water in it? That's a pool, right? That's a pool. I guess the filters aren't right.

If the pump's not going, who gives a shit? Are we talking about why they're saying the pool is broken? That's why. The fucking filter's broken. The pump is broken.

Something's broken in it. What am I, a fucking pool guy? I have no idea. It's water. We can swim in it. I guess so, but yeah, that's what happens when kids broken in it. It gives a shit. What am I, a fucking pool guy? I have no idea. It's water. We can swim in it. I guess so. But yeah, that's what happens when kids piss in it and everything else.

You can't have a broken pool. It's not like one person's there. There's hundreds of people. If it's not circulating and people are pissing in it, that's a problem. Piss, lotion, all that stuff. There's going to be a sheen on it in no time. I suppose. Totally regal

gives one star. Do not move here. Ryan in the leasing office is a creep and a liar. Oh, he's a creep. A creep. Creep and a liar. What did he do? He made myself and my roommate, two college-aged young women, extremely

uncomfortable during a tour of the community. He kept talking about my body. That'll be Ryan. Nah, girl, you go first. Let me take a look at that ass while we're getting there. Nah, just keep going straight. What the fuck? Here we have our gym. Your nice tits will look great bouncing around on our

treadmill here. That'll look terrific, I'm telling you. I would do that if I were you. Wear those pants so I could see your pussy through them. I'd love that. That'd be good. Here's the walk-in closet. You can send me nudes from this mirror. I mean, yeah, it's a full length.

I mean, send me the whole thing. And then proceeded to ask my friend out on a date. Oh, my, Ryan, you are so forward. Wait till they move in first, at least. Christ, Ryan. Very, very odd behavior. It's not odd. It till they move in first, at least. Christ, Ryan. Very, very odd behavior. It's not odd. It's just pervy.

You're hot. I'm sorry. It's not odd that a guy wants to fuck you. It's weird that the guy showing you. Is doing it at work. That's the odd part. We will not be moving here at all. His behavior was extremely unwelcoming and unprofessional.

I would say unprofessional. Yeah, I would say unprofessional. Yeah, I would be more worried that if you did move in, he'd be looking through the fucking windows. Yeah, hey girls, what's going on? No, the pool's fine now. Put your bathing suits on. I fixed the pool.

Next one, check this picture. What the fuck is that? A giant gaping hole in the ceiling. Yeah, just a huge, it looks like a man fell through the ceiling. Yeah, the drywall's ripped. It's definitely, the pressure came from above. Yeah, just a huge... It looks like a man fell through the ceiling. Yeah, the drywall's ripped. Definitely the pressure came from above. Above, for sure. This person, Emily, one star with her ceiling.

Ceiling fell in on me. Well, that's not good. Maybe Ryan was up there looking around. People just say, I just want to have a roof over my head. She can't even have that. The ceiling fell in. Her roof was in her lap.

Oh, fuck, man. And they still had the audacity to charge me more money when I returned the keys the morning after moving out. What? I cleaned out and left my apartment empty. I even emailed and let them know exactly when I'd be returning the keys. This apartment has been a nightmare since the new management, and I'm so glad to be gone. Yeah, you had a gaping hole in your ceiling. Yeah.

And I see, like, three different layers of, like, stucco up there, too, where they just stuccoed over old stucco. That is not great. All right. This next one. Here we go. Cyak gives one star. I will keep posting this every month so that my review is always on top. And it was, too.

It was like the third review. It was right there. I had to bump it. Oh, my God. Please refer this to everybody before you decide to move to Bailey. Owners, do not bother replying. I have tried reaching out to you multiple times, emailed and called, and nobody cared. In my nine years of living in five states and 11 different apartment communities i've never seen anything worse than these guys let's start 11 different apartments this is number one it's

the worst number 11 and he's got numbered complaints here number one i heard gunshots which puts your safety under serious question but yeah usually yeah the neighborhood's bad yeah there's gunplay then yeah that's a bad sign for your safety two serious question. But yeah, usually. Yeah. The neighborhood's bad. Yeah. There's gunplay then. Yeah. That's a bad sign for your safety too. Let's talk about their manager who sits at the leasing office. Now,

when I left my apartment, I saw some ridiculous charges. Let me explain. Please do. Oh my God. I was charged $300 for a square foot of carpet that they had to change a square foot. No, it's to change. A square foot. No, you got to charge $300 for an entire room.

You don't cut a square out and put a new one in there. That's not how carpet works. What country is this? America, we replaced the whole carpet. What the fuck are we talking about? Here we go. Oh, let's talk about their manager now. I professionally greeted him went

into his room and asked his room i hope he means office he was sitting there with a robe open masturbating on the couch came in and gave him a brentwood hello yeah exactly there's an oj reference and asked politely why i was charged 300 for for a carpet that costs $1.5 at Home Depot for a square foot. He knows very well. Oh, he went to Home Depot first. $1.5. What do you know? The way he talked and the amount of rudeness and unprofessionalism he showed for no reason, I would not even recruit him to clean my toilet or backyard.

What do you know? What do you know? my toilet or backyard. What do you know? What do you know? What do you say? What do you know? Oh, God. Like, seriously? Question mark? That's terrific.

Do you even check background and education before recruiting people? It's an apartment complex. No. They take who comes in and says, I will work here for minimal pay. They showed up with pants on and most of their teeth, and they were hired. That's how it worked. We'll take them. That's it.

Like, I earn more than enough to keep all of you under my payroll and still afford my rent, and yet you were that rude to your tenants. He's saying, I have more money than I need to be here, I guess. Why don't you buy a house, Vivek? What are you talking about? Yeah, why are you living here? But hey, apart from the community managers having the qualification of street beggars and sweepers, let's move on. Three, the apartments have rats. Okay, you should have led with that.

Yeah. Some guy was a little rude to you is way worse or way less worse than there's fucking rats in my apartment. There's vermin, actual fucking rats. Yeah. Anything with four legs that is big and that takes care of itself. Yeah. I don't want that in my place. Anything that I don't have to feed and has four legs can fuck off in my apartment.

Four, maintenance is literally zero. You won't have water supplies for days yes days no water for days what do you know oh man five stars any service or number five any service request takes a month to solve i have email proof just comment here and ask no we don't we're not gonna fucking i'm here to spread the word can you imagine somebody's like oh well let me excuse me guy let me ask you why does why does he have so much time show me your email screenshots i really want to see him um horrible apartment condition is number six either your door locks will be broke or the roof will fall over your head. Both happen to me. Well, it seems like they have weak ceilings over here.

Conclusion. I love how he wraps this up. Conclusion, and then a colon. Live on the street and you'll be better off instead of coming here where apartments are managed by illiterate dumbos and beggars. Dumbos. Illiterate dumbos and beggars. Dumbos. Illiterate dumbos and beggars.

Just elephants and fucking riffraff. Elephants and Aladdin. Unbelievable. Which Disney character will be fucking servicing you today? Claire One Star. I've reviewed this place before, but want to ensure the Bailey does not take anyone's money. I'm paying $1,400 a month for a non-renovated apartment after multiple dishwashers have broken. They changed my locks without telling me, so I had to sleep in a hotel.

They just did it while she was at work. Were they bad or was it just like she's kicked out? She put her key in and looked at her number like, is this my apartment? Did I fucking go to the wrong place? It doesn't work. Wow. I had to sleep in a hotel. Their maintenance team is poorly managed, to say the least, and they cannot keep a property manager. Recently, there's been police all around the woods looking at random hours, and when I brought it to the Bailey team, they denied it.

Look outside. No. No, I don't see anybody. There's five. There's fucking flashing lights. There's lights. No, there's not. No, there's not. You're out of your mind.

You didn't even know what apartment you were at when you tried to get in. You can't even operate a lock. They denied it and said they would have known about it, and it's my fault for not documenting when and where the police were seen. Who, what are you talking about? I mean, what is her next sentence? Do you want the police to not be looking? Well, they're obviously looking for something. Yes, something happened.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's not their fault that the cops are there. They're supposed to keep them out. They're supposed to do better work of keeping people out of the woods? Cops, especially. Get the fuck out of our woods, we're this is official business that's why we're here we're not on our body yeah i recommend that if you're having similar issues that you seek advice from an attorney who will find them negligent and breach of lease by refusing to complete work orders and

ignoring pleas for help okay last couple pamela one, lived here for two years and it's not safe anymore. Robberied. Robberied. Which I've never heard that word before. Apparently they got robberied. You don't know. This is the robberiest place on the planet. I got robberied, man.

I got murder-ided when I was over there. That's why the cops were looking. Robberied police activities. Maybe's why the cops were looking. Rob-a-read police activities. Maybe they're still going for rhymes. Rob-a-read police activities. It's the beginning of a Def Jam poem. If I'm anywhere, if I see cop flashing lights, you should feel the safest you've ever felt. Nobody's committing crimes while the cops are right there.

For the next 10 minutes, we're safe. There safe there you go once they leave we're deep shit if they stumbled on a serial killer's graveyard he ain't coming back for a little bit no probably avoid that place it's where he dumped his last victim go sit in the pool you can take your top off nobody's coming to hurt you one star if i could give zero stars i I would. I would. This is, in all caps, the worst property to live at. Oh. Water is constantly off. Mold grows in all people's apartments.

All of them. All of them? AC be out for months. It be out, Jimmy. Just picks up its shit and leaves. It goes out, but then it be out is the problem. Going out happens, but when it be out for months, then you got an issue. Stays out. Never comes back.

You can go out, but don't be out. You know what I mean? Maintenance doesn't fix anything. They might as well tell us they can't fix whatever we need instead of ignoring us. Not to mention that safety is a big issue here. Cars get broken into every week. Shootings happen all the time. Yeah.

Yeah, that's why the cops are looking around the woods. Robberied. Neighbors are screaming and fighting late at night and stabbings with four exclamation points. This place sounds like if you get to your car unscathed, you're lucky. And then if it's not broken into, holy shit, play the Powerball because you're lucky. It sounds like the place Tom Hanks stayed in big. Jesus Christ, man. The company run the good ones out.

The company run the good ones out the door so there's always a new face. The new girl, Ashley, smells really bad. That's the first we've heard of that one, Ashley. Why does she smell? People are getting stabbed. This bitch stinks. ACB out for months. Fuck this place. Unbelievable.

Ashley smells really bad. Really bad, and she made my stomach turn when I came to pay my balance a few times. Oh, that poor girl. A few times. I feel so bad for her. Is this a medical problem? Right.

Was she eating mung beans? Or did she just not wipe her ass correctly? We don't know. She wiped back to front? What happened, Ashley? You lazy, or is this a medical issue? Should we call a doctor, or? Ashley and her yeast infection ruining this place.

Man, she also just sit money orders to the side so that anyone can take it. Extremely unprofessional and unsafe. I cannot wait until my lease is up. Do not move here. All caps. Yeah. Well, a money order is made out to the company. Nobody can take it.

It's not. Yeah, that's what I mean. Oh, I'm going to take this, pretend I'm an apartment complex and cash it. All right, this one is long. I'll skip around a bit, but it needs to be said. Leslie One Star, I lived at Beach Lake for three years. Things weren't so bad at first. I was a busy student and never complained about much.

All seemed well. This is setting us up for a fall here. Here I am, three years later, and I wouldn't recommend this apartment complex to anyone. I've had my car vandalized, smashed in windshield, tires slit, and tailpipe kicked off track. What is happening?

What? Who does that to a stranger? Kick the tailpipe off? Why would you slice someone's tires? I get breaking in and stealing their shit, but that sounds like someone's mad at you. Yeah, that's very personal. Months later, my friend's car was broken into, windshield shattered, window frame dented, property stolen. Even after these incidences, I was understanding and thought, hey, stuff happens. I live in the world.

I'm a big girl, is what she's saying. I live in the i'm a big girl is what she's saying i live in the world a few months after my friend's car was broken into at 4 30 in the morning i was jolted awake to the sound of gunshots and watched the crime scene unfold as my neighbor downstairs was murdered she watched a murder she watched someone flee from the fucking premises after killing her downstairs neighbor running with someone's life oh my god the apartment complex didn't even send out a letter to inform its residents of what took place they saw they all saw leslie feels it's her responsibility they're telling everybody yeah they heard gunshots then two hours later saw a

fucking gurney carry someone out with a sheet over them i think they got the idea crime scene response showed up yeah everybody knows the tape the yellow tape really tipped everyone off and said police do not cross do not cross i wanted to move out right away you know shit a month after the murder i graduated and was on my way to a better career and hopefully a better apartment. There was just one test standing in my way. My lease was ending soon, and the property managers requested 60

days notice if I was going to move. The test was not going to happen before the 60 days mark, and I wasn't going to be able to move out without passing. Around this time, I received a letter from Beach Lake notifying me that there had been multiple apartment break-ins. I need to get out of this complex.

She's trapped. I rarely bother the office unless it's very important and how if I leave my house, I walk past a murder scene twice a day. Yeah. What has happened to human compassion? She said she told that to the office and they said, I was told in return that crime lives everywhere and that she would have to stick with the policy. Crime doesn't have an address, Leslie. Listen, Leslie, shit happens. Move on.

Next up, last and very short, one star. I'm extremely happy that I don't live here. Well, perfect. You win. Next up here here we've gone there we've we need to that was kind of the whole thing was trash we need to get wrap our brains around something something smarter maybe we'll figure something out of how to make a complex it's better than that here we go the museum of science and industry in Chicago. Oh. Let's go here. That sounds nice, doesn't it? It's an industry. It's a science museum located in Chicago in Jackson Park in the High Park neighborhood between Lake Michigan and the University of Chicago.

And it is housed in the Palace of the Fine Arts from the 1893 World's Columbian Exposition. So the World's Fair in 1893. Is it over there by the big museum where they fucking have that dinosaur? It's gotta be, right? Beats the shit out of me. 5700 South DeSable Lane, or DeSable Lakeshore Drive, Chicago, Illinois. It's gotta be.

Gotta be over there. So here's five stars. Some people like it. Stefan, five stars. This was a wonderful experience. I went with a group, a work group, sorry sorry and we had a great time if you can go as a group do that and then see one of the exhibitions we were able to see the blue paradox experience as well as the black creativity architects and creations exhibit i can see how this would be more fun with certain things in place but it's a very kid-friendly place. Parking is ample, and it's a great spot.

This would be do wonders in the next 10 years. I don't know what the fuck that means. That makes no sense. And five stars. This is a wonderful museum, and it's one of the must-see things in Chicago. Lots of exhibits and many more things to explore. I think the best choice to book your ticket

before you go there, lots of interesting shows are there which need prior bookings. I feel like one shows. Yeah, like a little, I don't know what's going on. Here's watch somebody fucking invent the telegraph. Here he is. Hey, ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba. Watch the evolution of man?

Watch Samuel Morse figure out a code. Sounds exciting. I feel like one full day is not enough to explore the whole museum. Okay, so it's a nice place. That's good. Let's find out some people who didn't like it. How do you not have a good time here? Well, Brianna had a terrible time.

A one-star experience here. Don't waste your time or money. Or your money. I'm so glad we had purchased a city pass so it doesn't waste your time or money. Or your money. I'm so glad we had purchased a city pass so it doesn't feel like a huge waste. But I absolutely would never have paid full price admission for pricing for this place. Everything

is super outdated, old, and many of the interactive experiences are completely broken. This museum's filled with old shit. This museum... It's a goddamn museum! Filled with old shit. This museum. It's a goddamn museum. Filled with old shit. What a pile of garbage.

Museum. And thought. She'd go to the Louvre, be staring at the Mona Lisa and go, do you have anything newer? Anything more updated? I've seen this on my phone. What is this bottle of wine from 1930, 70? Do you have anything that's like a newer vintage? This is garbage. Anything like from 1930, 70? Anything that's like a newer vintage? This is garbage.

Anything like a fresher bottle? Anybody? What a dum-dum-dumbo. Oh, my God. Don't waste your time on the joke of a moving experience slash ride that somehow costs extra either. Horrible graphics and not fun at all. Okay. Okay.

Go home and play your PS5, fucking twat. She is really difficult to please. Yeah, a few of the exhibits are interesting when the interactive features worked, but overall the experience was extremely disappointing. While we didn't bring the kids on this trip, I can guarantee you our kids would have been bored very quickly with the dated and non-working equipment. Not even an iPad in here. Fuck, not even games for them to play.

Then to top it off, the staff is extremely misinformed and there's a clear lack of communication. Maybe misinformed about what? She knew more? We were sent upstairs only to be sent back downstairs, then to be sent back upstairs. Well, I don't know what to tell you. That's just everything everywhere

that's what it is man um we proceeded to ask directions to where the next exhibit was that we were trying to find and she flat out refused to tell us no find it yourself bitch her exact words were quote well i'm not telling you where it is because i think it's already closed right now i don't know who signed them on on that exchange it's gonna make sense it's over there but it's probably close that's the answer i mean it's rude but it's like you don't need to know because you can't go there anyway so i get it but it's funny fuck. That's the funniest way to say it. Holy shit. That's an awesome answer. Entirely inappropriate and rude. I've worked in hospitality for years at large tourist destinations, and I would never flat out not give directions.

I'm not telling you. I'm not telling you. Well, I'm not telling you where it is. We won't be back, and I honestly wish I hadn't wasted my time thomas one star exhibit is fine dot dot dot but in all caps if you are elderly or have bad hips or knees don't go yeah yeah you should be anywhere with walking and you should probably if that's the yeah if walking is the thing the thing, don't go there. Don't go there.

They force you to sit on the floor. Oh, Jesus. No chairs to watch display introductions. Oh. No place to sit or stand against something. Seriously, unless you are completely healthy, don't go. I don't bring a chair with you. Unless you can stand for a half hour, don't go, which is, that's fair.

Next one, one star. It is not a science and technology museum. Oh, well then, enlighten us. Because that's what the fucking sign says. I don't know. It's like a science fair at a primary school. Not scientific enough for you. Not advanced enough.

Yeah, I need them to show me how to split the fucking atom. Yeah, exactly. Where is your atom splitter? Do you have that here anywhere? You don't have one of those here? What a fucking joke. No plutonium smasher? Nothing of that shit?

Wow, this place sucks. I want to see smashing happen. You guys are whack, man. Make a black hole. Come on, do something. Fox, let's see a reaction of some kind. Yeah. The only interesting experience is the U-Boat Exposition.

Or Exhibition. That sounds fun. What? They have a goddamn U-Boat? Yeah. That seems interesting. You should have led with that. Yeah.

As an engineer, I do not recommend this place as a museum. But it's a good place for children who are below 12 which is most of the people who go to museums and the reason why you have them yeah but i've been to museums and i love museums you know why because i'm 43 and i don't hold a fucking degree i'm really dumb and i love seeing technology love seeing what what happened yeah i'm not an engineer man i don't fucking build this shit i'm an engineer as an engineer i don't reckon what did he expect it was like an engineer get together a bunch of like i need this to blow an engineer's mind no no i need to blow a moron's mind that's

what it'll do or a child one of the two because that's who's going a moron me or kids yeah gloria one star if you love screaming children you'll really enjoy your visit yeah exactly i don't think it's i don't think it's impossible to impose standards on enjoying a space well you you know they're kids yeah and when they get in groups they get unruly there's no way to stop them all and they know it it's they that's what that's a child's version of a riot yeah you can't stop them all and they know it and they're gonna it's gonna end have you been to fucking grade school there are field trips and they come in groups a shitload of them and they are always loud and hey gloria when you were a kid you were one of those loud shit

kids don't have to scream and shove past people to enjoy a museum and people are Hey, Gloria, when you were a kid, you were one of those loud shits. You remember. You were an asshole too, Gloria. Kids don't have to scream and shove past people to enjoy a museum, and people are too scared to tell them to behave. No. No. That's not it. They just understand that they're excited and got let out of their cage for the fucking day. Remember, a field trip was so exciting.

I'm not on my desk. I got a lunch that came from a deli my mom got me this morning. It's great. I got lunch in a fucking paper sack. This is crazy. I got fucking Capri Sun today. I am a god. I'm a fucking Capri Sun god.

That's what you felt like on a field trip. A Capri Sun god. Start this orange and start this day. That's what I'm going to do. Could hardly enjoy any space without screaming children. All caps there. Fully regretted my visit after visiting other locations in the city. Okay. One star.

I understand kids will be there. Yes. 100%. But teachers weren't controlling their kids. Nope. They can't. Keeping them alive. That's kids. Nope. They can't. Keeping them alive. That's it.

And without the tool of like smacking them, there's no way you're keeping a group of kids in line. You can't smack children who you shouldn't smack your own, but especially you shouldn't smack other people. Yeah. It was literally screaming, shoving children everywhere. And since the ceilings were curved,

it was echoing screams. Oh, now you're upset with the sound design here as as well the acoustics in here making my headache worse uh wouldn't come here again to see the stuff i missed way too many uncontrollable kids save your money and go somewhere else this museum seems to be for only kids to enjoy i mean there's probably a lot of schools in this city that's probably there. Here we go. Paul, one star. I and my son. Is that how you're starting this out?

I and my son? Yeah. Who the fuck starts out a sentence with I and some? Never heard that before. My son and I. My son and I went to the museum. I'm going to fix it for him this weekend. And I'm sure that's correct because we're idiots.

We don't fucking know. But that sounds terrible. He sounds like an asshole already. Sound like a're idiots. We don't fucking know. But that sounds terrible. He sounds like an asshole already. Sound like a jerk off. I don't believe anything Paul says now. No. Because of that. He ruined it.

The exhibits are good. We went to the food court for lunch. My son's allergic to gluten, so he asked the servers for anything without gluten. No. You're in a food court. You bring your lunch. Yeah. That's the problem.

You don't go to a museum and be like, gluten-free options? Fucking we don't have any. Well, even like French fries, the other shit could be used in the oil, and that could be gluten, so you don't know. The server looked irritated. We decided to take some French fries. We walked aside, took the fries, and came back to order a sandwich. The server said, you are out of line.

You cannot order. Okay, that's a quote quote i was surprised because we were right in front of him talking about food what the fuck is happening what's going on did you not were you in not the food court yeah was that the problem did you go to one of the exhibits and be like give me french fries and they're like this is a u-boat this is i don't know what you're talking about there's no fryer on a u-boat the rude behavior of the staff turned me off i will think twice before i go back to this museum bring a lunch next time man or some kind of shit stop jesus one star emily the museum is lacking innovation with some exhibits in existence for decades because they're classic ones that people

like a fucking museum yeah i went to the Museum of Natural History with my daughter a couple years ago, and I hate that that giant whale's just been there forever. They never fucking move. Is it the T-Rex, too? I'm like, this fucking T-Rex. It's a natural history, yeah. Get a new T-Rex, you fucking losers. This place sucks.

I saw this T-Rex when I was a kid. I got to look at it again. Fuck this place. This thing's named Lucy? Is this the same one? What the fuck? Change it out for me. Isn't there a stegosaurus you could put in?

Didn't they know I was coming and I've seen this already? The museum also notes the problem of plastic and pollution on the environment while dedicating a whole exhibit to plastic molding with plastic souvenirs people can take home. Please rid yourself of that section of the museum. One star. Underwhelming. A good 50% of the exhibits were broken or closed. Well, that's not great.

But that seems to be everywhere you go all the time. Yeah. Things break and then it takes a while to fix it. And you got to kind of, yeah, you start at one end and kind of work your way to the other. The good exhibits cost extra, but you have to put up with throngs of heathen children left to run amok by ignorant parents. A bunch of Dennis the Menaces. Heathen children, ignorant parents running amok.

The whole thing's out of control. Truly the worst social outing in years. Go to a dog park. The participants there will have better manners. Oh. Dogs are better manners. Dogs are better behaved. Jesus Christ. Holy shit.

Okay. Panda one star. Frontline workers are garbage here. Okay. They care to help as little as possible. I make the effort to come to you and all I get is, did you check the website?

Then the rest is in all caps. The rest of the whole paragraph is in all caps. Caps lock goes on and it's over now. Did you check the website is the trigger. That's it. You motherfucker. Did I check the website? I know what I did check. Motherfucker, I'll tell you what I checked.

I checked my keyboard and made sure the caps lock is on. That's what I checked, bitch. Here we go. All of Chicago's museum workers are dismissive garbage. All of them are dismissive garbage. I will see to it I put you out of business. Oh. It's a fucking museum.

It's a government-funded museum. Is it even for profit? Who the fuck knows? I don't think it is. Are you going to stop paying taxes? Oh, my God. I will put the DMV out of business. Probably not. Is it even for profit? Who the fuck knows? I don't think it is. You're going to stop paying taxes? Oh, my God. I will put the DMV out of business. Probably not.

It is now my life mission, my life's mission, to witness the day you close your doors for good and your hourly tards walk out of there for the last time. In all caps. Look at this shit. It looks like a fucking ransom note it's insane look at how many caps that is your hourly tards walk out of there for the last time i will be the reason you go out of business you hear me that's great we can't ignore you i'm going to extinguish your dinosaur business model. Did you check the website?

Did you check the website? I'm going to be chanting that through a bullhorn as you leave on your last day when you shut your doors for good. I will be there laughing when what I created extinguishes your dinosaur business model. You have zero clue the adversity you've just created. Oh, my God. You made the wrong enemy, sir. He's going to light this place on fire and stand in the parking lot while the flames lick the sky. Laughing maniacally, screaming, did you check the website? Did you check the website?

Who checked the website? He's going to be homeless throwing his feces at people going, did you check the website? Did you check the website for the evacuation plan? It gets better somehow. Oh, boy. I just wanted to create. Now I want to destroy. I have become the destroyer of worlds.

I will see to it your facility is demolished and turned into a homeless encampment with the smell of human feces. There will be poop. At least in my mind. And urine covering up any memory your museum ever existed. Did you check the website? I want to knock it down and then have homeless people

shit on the rubble while I scream, did you check the website? On the lot that you used to pay your bills from. Oh my my god that was the most unhinged shit i've ever fucking heard in my life imagine imagine being triggered by did you check the website enough to go on a rant like that i will put you that what the wow i will flip your building upside down. I want to scream through a bullhorn as you're calling them. Wow. That was a lot.

That person is out of their fucking mind. I hope they're not married. This next person is the complete opposite. Yeah? It's two sentences, very short. Ray Shum, one star. Bathroom sinks are too confusing to use. one star bathroom sinks are too confusing to use a little too much technology and engineering going on and science going on for them it's probably a wave your hands under it thing something they

have they've never been in public before probably right you go all over the country i've seen tons of different or bathroom i've never not been able to turn the water on always figured it out always the nightmare is when the when the sink is hands-free, and then you have to dispense the soap. Yeah, and then go back to it again. Why isn't this coming out? I look like an asshole. Yeah. That doesn't work.

I've got to go to a different dispenser. Everything has to be hands-free, or nothing's hands-free. You can't do this. I've had two different soap dispensers and three faucets working at once trying to make a transaction happen in an airport. Make a clean hands. Yeah. I'm in the fucking Cleveland airport trying to make this work.

I've done it a lot. Look like an asshole. And then she says, gross, with all O's and S's there. Okay. So that museum is fucking. That place is going to be cursed, I think, from that guy. So we've gone there we've seen technology we've we've we've gotten to a bad complex now it's time to unwind jimmy time to let our tits hang out as we go to flash dancers in new york city here what is this

flash dancers nyc 320 north 45th Street, New York, New York. Is it a strip club? Fucking Midtown. It's a strip club called Flash Dancers. And like I said, it's 3.7 stars, which is, there's tits out and people don't even give it four stars. That's bad. Tits and booze. Tits and booze.

Here's Manny with five stars. And there's no description, I guess. It's a titty bar. So there's a description. Manager was super cool and very nice. Shout out Jules for being a dope server. Why did you meet the manager? For what reason?

And you had to get her name, too. Oh, Jules. Yeah. We're going to be friends now. Brian here gives five stars. I went to this place at 3 too. Oh, Jules. Yeah. We're going to be friends now. Brian here gives five stars. I went to this place at 3 p.m. And wow, I never expected to see so many beautiful women on the floor. Yeah, that's real skanks.

Yeah, that's like the senior hour, I think, is over 50. They give over 50 ladies a chance to dance. 3 p.m. is a great time to go to a strip club. It's going to be empty and nice. Yeah, it's fucking perfect. I don't think they bring the good girls in at that point because they probably work on the nights where they make the most money. Yeah, they got to work till closing, so they usually start around 6. But 3 p.m., fuck.

Maybe the new girls work at 3. Maybe, yeah. The ones they just hired. Tryouts. I've seen great gals at 3 p.m. I mean, there's tits, so I mean, I'm not going to complain. To see so many beautiful women on the floor, I felt like a kid at a candy store. Except no matter how much money I have, I can't buy any of them.

That's the only difference. It's a bad candy store. None of these candies will go home into my pocket. Nope. The staff was very welcoming and friendly and made it very comfortable. I saw three ladies, Scarlet, Ruby, and Gia. Oh, my. Very beautiful and sweet and didn't strong arm me for a dance.

After chatting, I was begging them for a dance, LOL. But this is a place I'll be returning to. I'm curious to see how many ladies are working when doors open at 12. He's going to get here. He's going to be standing outside waiting like old people at a mall in the morning. Come on, listen. I got news for you, sir. Those same girls were working at noon, too.

Yeah. Three hours later. That's the three crew. It's the opening. Here, this person gives four stars. Beware of a Czech dancer named Carolina. Beware of her. Czech, like Czech Republic.

Oh, okay. Yeah. She has a two-dance minimum. She asked me for the money in advance, and I paid her for two dances using dance dollars. Oh, you got to buy, like, Disney money in this fucking place. Oh, I hate that so much. Scores invented that. Yep, they sure did.

The first New York City club, Michael Blutrick, he invented that. Scores dollars, yep. Scores invented that. Yep, they sure did. The first New York City club, Michael Blutrick, he invented that. Scores dollars, yep. Scores bucks. And they had, yeah, they even had different codes so people couldn't copy them and sell them. It was fucking crazy. She only danced for one song and then said the dance is over. And then told me to bring cash next time because the

dance dollar only gives her $16. Is it really my fault that the club doesn't have an ATM? And if she had an issue with this, why does she work here? Just put your tits away. Bring American cash and shut the fuck up. There you go. He's

like, fucking put your tits away and make a resume. I don't know what to tell you. And she's like, give me cash. And they're both probably right. It is really my fault. Oh, and if she has an issue with this, why does she work here? And why did she scam me and only dance for one song when I paid her for two dances? I told her it's only been one song, and she said the dance is over. That's it.

What are you going to do at that point? No? Dance more? I'll make the rules. Grab her by the hips and start shaking her? That's all you got. Wow. It was a weird night out for me

rest assured i blacklisted her from what from my lap wow never again i don't ever want to see her tits again i've been coming to this place for many years and i sometimes see the new talent causes problems oh god the management should fire the troublemakers. Wow. The customers deserve better. Unprofessional behavior by a dancer. She doesn't deserve to be a flash dancer. Absolutely ridiculous. This is the pinnacle of them, huh?

Wow. Jay gives three stars. It's an okay strip club. There. That's the worst you should give a strip club. Yeah, it's fine. Unless one of the girls came over, pulled a fucking switchblade on you and said, give me everything you got.

It's an okay strip club. Handed you a note made out of newspaper clipping letters and said that says your child is in my car. Give me money. There's no other way this could be a bad place it's an okay strip club the spanish girls were the best and the servers were way more appealing than the

strippers that happens a lot because you can get hotter girls if they don't have to take their tits out right that's the thing um even ask them for a lap dance well you can't they're the waiters you're a scumbag yeah Yeah, that's what that is. My tits are away. I'm a server. That's the dancer. I'm literally holding a tray and asked you if you would like another Corona. I went to the concert and asked the bass player to play drums because I thought he'd be good at it.

It's not something you can do. Only thing I dislike was how these mids ask for $800 for private. Mids. He just described a group of women as mids, which is near the Grand Canyon and tits we've heard of as mids now. Holy shit. Brandon, three stars. Dances are only $20, but you can't touch. Yeah, it's a strip club. Brandon, what stars. Dances are only $20, but you can't touch. Yeah, it's a strip club.

Brandon, what are you doing? You're looking for a brothel is what you're looking for. That's a different place. Much different. You're a monster. Only place I've been to in NYC, but a strip club in the middle of nowhere in the Poconos was 10 times better. Yeah, because they probably didn't care. There's probably no rules there.

They probably let you finger their asshole there. That's an extra five bucks. They're just happy you made the trip. A single Corona was $12. Yep, that's a strip club. You found it. Here's one star. I would say around 80% of the ladies here are below average.

I bet you're a handsome son of a bitch though aren't you let's see you pretty disappointing on top of that one of the bartenders was extremely rude when i just asked if i could take water from a dispenser no you can't you can't go behind the bar and take shit can i get water back there no no give me the gun so i can refill my Coke? No. No, not at all. You don't work here. She came back very rudely with finger pointing and obscene language where she could have just said that the dispenser is only for use of staff. You should have known that if you've ever been to a fucking bar or restaurant, you asshole. He literally grabbed the gun and tried to get water out of it. Yeah. What a dick.

No. I don't feel like tipping, so I'll save this. Please avoid this place if you don't want to waste money and avoid rude comments from the bartender. Stay on your side of the bar, asshole. Yeah. Do you wander around the field at a baseball game? Jesus Christ. Yeah.

Oh, they didn't let me play second base. They're real assholes. Then let me stand on the on-deck circle. I just wanted to swing the bat. I wasn't going to actually go to the box. Wasn't going to hurt the game. JR, one star, this place nickel and dimes you.

Be careful about the back room. Some girl was trying to charge me $800 for a dance in the back room. Yes, that's what happens back there. Yeah, it's either $20 or $800 from what I've seen, which is a very different thing. $800 seems like they're fucking you though probably that's a they aren't they're just rubbing you they're they're touching your dick well I mean that's what I mean if there's a $20

dance and an $800 dance one's being a little more personal yeah they just looked at his watch and thought he had money and fucking said $800 she wanted to use my credit card. I refused and walked out. They refused to get me water when I asked for it after my vodka shot. I spent a little over $100 and can't even get a water after a vodka shot. Please go somewhere else. I hope this strip club does not represent all of New York strip clubs. Don't come back if you're shooting vodka, you fucking menace. Taking shots of vodka, you scumbag. Fucking gross.

One star. This is from Crystal from crystal is a lady here i am very ashamed to have had a bad experience on my 21st birthday by the black doorman i'm ashamed i'm ashamed that i have to write the word black right now black doorman she's black too from her picture okay and. And then when I went to apply, he disrespects me some more. Oh, she went to get a job there on her 21st birthday. On her birthday. I am never going back again.

Come to find out from another dancer, the doorman turned me away because of my dreadlocks. I felt really discriminated at the fact that someone can literally degrade me because of my dreadlocks hairstyle.

Oh, boy. Yeah, I don't really care. I'm never looking at your hair if your tits are out, by the way. Here's the thing about strip clubs. If you're looking at the hair, you're doing it wrong. You've got to have something for everybody at strip clubs. So a dreadlocked black girl is fantastic. Yeah, someone's into that.

Someone's into this. Someone's into her, her, her. Absolutely. I would think you'd need a diverse roster at a strip club. You need a redhead girl. You need a bunch of blondes. Fuck Jesus. You got to have that.

You got to have everything. You got to have a real skinny one. You got to have a chunky one. You got to have a variety. You got to have a white girl with dreads. Yes, that's what I mean. Get a variety because everything, something different will make everyone come. And that's what it's about here.

A white girl dancing to Rob Zombie with dreads is going to pack the place on a certain night. That's going to happen. One star from Lee. Beware when you pass your credit card to the bartender or the dance coupon guy. I got charged three different times, even when I only used twice. Either bartender or dance coupon guy, steal $30 from my card. And then the reply was, hello, we didn't charge your card more than you spent. It's an authorization which releases off your card in a day.

Unfortunately, your bank shows this incorrectly. Then he says, reply, yes, you did. Three transaction occurred there and one wasn't me. So there you go. Yes, you did. I can't stress it enough. Bring what you're going to spend in cash. And then when it's gone, you're gone.

You don't stick around. You get the fuck out of there. Get the fuck out. Dreama gives one star. Ladies, all caps. I just called 756 February 10th to ask about auditions. and whoever answered the phone hung up on me mid-sentence. Doesn't seem like a great place to work, ladies. Well, you shouldn't call about a job in a bar at 8 o'clock at night.

You go to a bar when it opens. That's when people are doing things and applications. That's when they're busy. You can call a restaurant. Hey, you guys hiring for waiters? It's 730 saturday night they're gonna go don't fuck you and hang up if you're not calling for reservation shut the fuck up and get away from me so if you're not canceling a reservation i have 30 people standing in front of me that want a table and the response is from the owner unfortunately our phone lines have been disconnecting calls the past few days

and they blamed it on when we're real busy they blamed it on spectrum and said we didn't mean to hang up on you that's very funny one star from jason horrible bar extremely small website photos must have been with an enormous wide angle camera dancers basically stood there on stage and actually said quote nobody tips around here so why dance yes they just stood there with stage and actually said, quote, nobody tips around here, so why dance? Yes. They just stood there with their tits out? Yeah.

What a weird, that's a weird transaction. They aren't working hard if there's no money coming up there. If you're sitting there watching and they're just standing there with their tits out, that's such a weird and odd scenario. There's mirrors generally around these places, and'll just like look at themselves in the mirror and pose and stuff. They aren't going to work hard if you're not going to give them money. I don't blame them at all. Last

too quickly, Mike One Star Dump. And that's the best thing I can say about this place. Place is tiny. Prices are insane. If you're into much older women, you may like this place. Much older. Much older. That's what I mean mean they're like 32 here it's crazy it's crazy and sofia gives one star finally you are disgusting with a pukey face emoji the stupid dancers that's it she answers it

That's it. She answers it. The stupid dancer. I got to do this one. Quote one more. One star. The strippers are ugly and rude. What a waste of money.

I'd rather watch my grandma doing the strip. The strip. No, you wouldn't. The strip. You absolutely 100% would not. No. And then one star. Very expensive, many ugly girls. Okay. So now that we've gotten there and we're all horned up and nowhere to go,

let's find somewhere to go with our personal item of the week, everybody. Let's do this. It is the Fleshlight Go. We're going to review here. Oh, is it a little one? The Go Surge Pink Lady is the name of it travel friendly fleshlight can go anywhere you go put this in your luggage i like how they show there's a it's like cut in half they vivisected it here and they fucking show you the inside of it with all sorts of teeth and stuff in there and i don't like that no it looks like an intestine in there.

Yeah. Enjoy the same great design and features of the original flashlight in a more portable package for fun on the go. The Surge is over 20% smaller than the original, making it easier to hide, carry, and use. It has the same oral-like suction that made Fleshlight famous.

They are fucking huge. The original ones. Yeah. This, this is like, this looks like a flashlight with a pussy on it there. Yeah. That's what they are. The product is amazing.

There we go. There's that's that they're telling us $60, 59 99. Over 125,000 of these bad boys sold. That's a million dollar idea. That's it. Four stars on Amazon here. Wow.

Would buy this again and again. Five stars here. Again and again. Again and again. That's the title. Five stars. As I am an 80-year-old gentleman. Oh, fella.

Good for you, sir. How are you doing that? Good for you. I find this... Oh, my God. I forgot about this line. I find this product to be a great replacement for my deceased wife oh my god what the fuck oh jesus christ is that a compliment to the pocket

or is it an insult to his wife i put her picture up on the headboard and just plow this fucking thing. Boy, she used to suck dick like this. Perfect replacement for my deceased wife. I find this product to be a great. I put it on the couch with me. We watch TV. I take it on vacation. Buy it a plane seat.

It makes cookies for the grandkids. It's wonderful. I find that when I get hard and slit my tool inside, this guy is a fucking menace to society. What a fun guy. Wow. That I really have to concentrate to keep from blowing my load too soon this is a joke this man's real love it and would buy another one that's that oh jesus christ oh this is gross here okay five stars first title is the title of it is do you remember your first virgin oh my god oh man i just threw

up in my mouth a little bit there christ um i travel a lot yeah that's how he starts my wife is an amazing lover and i would never cheat on her so i bought this it reminds me of my first virgin jesus christ this thing is saving my marriage yeah and my my the sanctity of it i would fuck so many bar whores oh my god saves me from having to get penicillin all the time it's great it reminds me of my first virgin warm and tight but without all the complaints of my first virgin warm and tight but without all the complaints can we go back to the old man that was replacing his dead wife without all the complaints what did you was this virgin was this a voluntary act that went on without the complaints wow it feels amazing it takes some of the spontaneity out of it warming it up and it's a bit of a pain trying to get it back in the case after cleaning it but it's a traveler's friend my first day i used it three times oh my

god yeah this guy is gonna fucking get a road blow job if he doesn't have this he is horny his wife is like when he goes out of town she's like thanks fuck oh maybe you forgot your pocket pussy come back come back hold on wait oh she's waving it as the car is driving away she's running down the street oh and i've gotten plenty of dirty looks when my carry-on goes through x-ray oh yeah i would say carry it on just check the thing man nope nope nope carrying it on that's right oh my god oh my god adam and eve toys will work for all adults five stars is the next one Just check the thing, man. Nope, nope, nope. Carrying it on. That's right. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Adam and Eve toys will work for all adults.

Five stars is the next one. Very lifelike. Ew. Hold on. Work for all adults? How are women using this? That's what I, I don't know. It's a pocket pussy.

Licking it? Fucking cramming it against themselves. Scissoring with it? Scissoring with a flashlight, yeah. Very lifelike. I would heat it with warm water, then lightly dry and reinsert tube. Some warming gel, if available, helps. That's too much prep.

You're supposed to just be able to fuck this thing and throw it away. My missus has bone disease. I keep this a secret from her and go for it once a week. I can't really plow her because she's too fragile she'll break into pieces leg so i'm i keep this secret from her love it truly recommend this if you are able to handle it i'm 77 now and oh my this is the octogenarian's friend this fucking thing is what it should be called. This is like a reverse mortgage. It's like a rite of passage for 70-year-olds. Never thought sex was this good.

Yeah, because your wife has bone disease and you can't really fucking plow away. And you grew up in the 50s. Like, you don't know. No. Four stars. I like it better than my hand, but not as good as the real thing. That's the whole review. That's what real thing. That's the whole review. That's what it is.

That's a great review. That's a... Yahtzee. That's it there. Pros. Four stars. Pros. I had my prostate removed, and as a result, I'm unable to achieve an erection on my own.

How old is this person, too? What? I have been using a pump with a fair result by using a cock ring and my fleshlight and a pump this guy's got like a whole good car garage worth of equipment he needs to break out i can reach a high level of erection and can enjoy sex again that's good um he's got a fucking craftsman toolbox full of fucked up hands. All right, here we go. One star, wasn't worth it. Do not waste your money on this.

Okay. Okay. Received my fleshlight, go. Go surge on a Saturday and tried it twice and threw it away already. Cleanup was a pain. Broke it already? Threw it away. Busted it up.

Cleanup was a pain and when i followed the instructions to put the sleeve back in the canister it would not stay in save your money don't buy this you just got to let it dry man dry it out and then put it back in it goes back in i promise that's fuck man one star here we go broke is the name yeah the title broken just exploded it my first time with toys my petite wife thought to use it on me and it broke what the fuck difference does it make what size your wife is when she just jerked you off with a fleshlight what's the difference i don't get how one is worse than the other. One star. Pros. Too small, sticky, and suction is zero. Okay. Not true.

Guess I had high hopes for my first toy ever. Uh-huh. Cons. That was the pros, by the way. Now we're going to get to the nitty gritty. Wow. I don't think they understand what pros and cons mean. Cons.

Was a complete letdowndown to say the least i'm new to adult toys for myself and i stepped out of there uh going off reviews i consider myself average length at eight and a quarter inches okay yeah totally yeah everyone's swinging like yeah i've seen a lot of dicks i only watch porn so i'm very average i'm very average but i'm above average in girth so what is this he's eight and a half inch fucking monster he's gonna tell you exactly what it is comparable to a plump cucumber that's how he describes his penis comparable to a plump cucumber he just stands in the produce section waiting for gals shopping. He's like, I think I'm about average. Most guys are swinging

a plump cucumber between their legs, right? That's normal. Nice cumber you bought there. I got one too. You want to see another one? What are you using that for? I'll come home with you. I see you squeezing those cucumbers. There's one you didn't get to it, sweetheart. This toy had no suction and was difficult to use

even with generous amounts of lube. That's impossible. Guess it just wasn't meant to be. The way these things work, though, James, you get inside it and you take up all the air. So when you pull out, it sucks trying to get air. And then you push back in and it pushes the air back out. There's vacuum, man. If you don't get vacuum, you don't have a cucumber.

I got news for you. If they sold a fucking 150,000 of these, there's probably suction. Yeah. You know? If you didn't get suction, you've got a baby dill in there. That's what it is. That's what's- Well, no.

Well, maybe it was a plump cucumber, but now it's been brined for a long time. So then he says, guess it wasn't meant to be. Hand won't work too rough. He doesn't like jerking it. His hands are too rough. Yeah. Wife won't work too painful. There is plump cucumber breaks his wife's vagina.

And now this. Thank you, Jesus, for your blessings is what he says. And now this. Thank you, Jesus, for your blessings is what he says. Thanks for this huge prank. I can't even use it. This is great. One star.

This guy doesn't even do pros, just cons. Cons. Opening of a pencil sharpener, not a birth canal. Impossible to penetrate. Creepy little fingers on the inside. Heavy and unwieldy. Creepy little fingers like there's children in there. Mister, if I could touch your penis.

Sir. My little fingers would touch your penis, sir. 800 in the back room. Finally, one star, no good, broke after only one use. My wife laughed as it was breaking apart. His wife laughed. That ruins the mood.

And that is your stupid opinions this week, everybody. Hope you enjoyed all of this craziness that we have set forth for you here. We have obviously next week lots of crazy stuff coming at you again. More personal items, more stuff like that. We're going to hit up a Dunkin' Donuts next week. Oh, terrific. Because, you know,

nobody complains about that shit. That'll be fun. They got a lot of fans. Oh, it's going to be great. Yeah, it's so much fun. We'll talk all about that. If you haven't done it yet yet follow us on social media for sure follow the groups as well like facebook there's a group and there's a shitload of people in them and they're talking about all sorts of fun stuff so getting there listen to our other two shows as well crime in sports and small town murder they're exactly how they sound true crime comedy just like this but with people dead so there you go. We had some murder

this week. Hope you enjoyed it. Keep following us. Keep coming back, and we'll see you next week, everybody. Thank you. Bye! We'll see you next time. Ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.