Your Stupid Opinions - Driving Over Your Grave, Poop Cruise, Parenting Advice, Crazy Tongue

Episode Date: April 15, 2024

This week, we hear all sorts of reviews about a kid's salon where you may get some harsh parenting advice, with your haircut. A cruise line that may leave you with poop on the floor. A cemetery that may hold grandpa's corpse hostage, unless you pay up. A very personal item could trade motors with an SUV & much more!!Join comedians James Pietragallo and Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section!Subscribe and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!!!Don't forget to rate & review!!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie WhismanSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to your stupid opinions ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello everybody and welcome back to Your Stupid Opinions. Hey! All right. Thank you so much for joining us. My name is James Petrogallo. I'm here with my co-host.

I'm Jimmy Wissman. We are in for some fun today, as usual. People are going to just complain and grievances and bitching, and we're going to hear all about it. And some people are going to be saying how great something terrible is. Either way, lots of fun. Once again, as we say at the top of every episode, these are not our opinions. Right. They might be.

We might agree if we went there. But for the most part, we've never been here and we don't know. So don't play musts for their opinions. If you like this, definitely check out our other two shows, Crime and Sports and Small Town Murder, which are exactly what they sound like. So check those out and listen up

and follow on social media and do all of that good shit that you're supposed to say. So whatever it is. That said, let's get right to it. Never mind all that crap.

Yeah. Let's get right into the complaints with the Grandview Memorial Park. Oh, where is that? That's a cemetery, Jimmy, is what that is. Oh, it's not a park at all. No, it's not. It is a cemetery.

Let's all die. What do you say? Where are we going to go? We're going to be buried in Lebanon County, Pennsylvania. That's where we're going to be buried. Oh, boy. Why not? Where is Lebanon?

500 North Weber Street, Lebanon, Pennsylvania. I can't remember where Lebanon is, actually. There's rolling hills in the background when they show the picture. It's going to be Amish country, I got a feeling, right? I don't think it's an Amish cemetery based on English language. No, but I mean like that general area is probably. All of Pennsylvania is adjacent to Amish country, as we know. Seriously, the whole center.

It's all everywhere from there. It's, you know, 45 minutes stops to Amish country. It's pretty easy to see it. Pretty easy. This cemetery has 2.2 stars. How? Are they just taking the corpses out and just face fucking them? What are they doing to the corpses here that are making people so upset?

Is there a recycling center? What's happening? Wow. And not that many reviews to the corpses here that are making people so upset? Is there a recycling center? What's happening? Wow. And not that many reviews, but the ones that are here are awesome. So let's get right into it here. Five stars from Kristen. She's excited. I would think a cemetery is either five stars or one star.

There's really no in between. They either respect the dead and bury them and keep them underground. Yeah, are they letting them come out of their coffins at night? Zombie attack? Incredible disrespect. What's happening? Yeah. Five stars.

Lynn is so kind. Double exclamation point. So she's twice as kind. Lynn. We went to the cemetery yesterday afternoon and my mother's vase was missing. Okay. I was very upset. Yeah, I think they have vases vases yeah the one that goes in

the headstone and you lift it up and put it over and then you can put flowers in it that's real weird um i don't know why italians do some weirder shit yeah that's i don't that's just i don't know what it is yeah we got a whole weird thing with funerals yeah they jump in the casket and everything these people my great-grandmother's funeral i saw multiple people literally dive into the casket which i remember as like a five-year-old thinking holy shit like if they must for an italian funeral do they reinforce like the cat thing the caskets on because people are gonna jump in there strong you can't knock the whole thing down and have grandma tumble out so yeah they really gotta come on everybody seriously we gotta this can't be just a folding table under here seriously yeah need some support yeah put a beam like a wrestling table no you

can't use that you gotta have an i-beam support you gotta have it you gotta have it you're gonna have some chunky ant jump right in there maybe they do it maybe they do it based on the tragicness of the death the stability of the table if it's the matriarch super yo god i'm gonna tell you for christ's sake reinforce it come on let's go steel beams people are upset about this one they're gonna lay on it wow um so i was very upset and i sent them an email that evening i do not fault the cemetery for the missing vase which is yeah lynn called me in less than 24 hours and was so very nice compassionate and understanding they were able to remedy the situation and i couldn't be more grateful i've never had any issues with this cemetery and they deserve five out of five stars she's so easy

to please she's easy to be yeah they said they'll fix it great they put a new vase this lady goes once a year to the cemetery so they could put the vase in in six months. She'll never know the difference. Those things are usually fucking chained to it, too. You know what I mean? They're the ones that have that little lock. You unscrew it, pull it out, and it's got a chain underneath there. You can't just have vases to be taken at will from people.

People are going to steal that. You can't have that. Yeah. Nobody looking? Yeah. Yeah, come on now. Donna, here's Donna. Five stars from Donna.

My husband passed in 2011, and I had no idea what to do with myself or the arrangements. Oh, yeah. That's very sad, especially if it's sudden. Grandview treated me wonderfully and met all expectations to honor my beloved Reb. Reb is her husband. It's a sad thing. There you you go here's five stars again quickly uh five stars my fiance's parents were both buried there today oh god what happened in that house what happened there they both died one shit car accident fire i need more information now

i want to know what's up maybe we don't I don't want to know about the murder-suicide. Well, maybe it's... We do a show called Small Town Murder. We might need to know this stuff. Lebanon might be paid a visit. Yeah. Matt at Grandview went way above what would be expected. Here's what I expect.

Take the casket, put it in the ground, put some dirt on it. That's all. Take some cash and I'll walk away. That's all. That's the exchange. What else did you do? Did he dig it by hand? With chopsticks.

Yeah, I don't know what he did. With a little spoon, a little grapefruit spoon. He leveled the bottom, too. Oh, shit. Kimberly, five stars. Or three stars. Three stars. I'm okay.

It's all right here. It's all right. Bring your dog and have some fun. I don't think that's what the cemetery is for. I don't think she knows who this is. She's heard park and she's out there throwing a ball over your family's grave. Keep tripping over these big rocks that they have everywhere. People put graffiti on the rocks.

They have like born this day, died this day, like really intricate graffiti. Very nice calligraphy. Hatched right into the stone. Pretty impressive. Play some frisbee and catch balls. No, don't. No, it's a cemetery. Don't do that.

Not the best kept place, but it's still a nice place to get away and have some fun in semi-wilderness. It's a fucking cemetery, you idiot. Is there a dog out there shitting on your grave? She reviewed the wrong thing. She was looking for a different park, and this came up, and she just was like, yeah, that's the park I went to. It's a park, yeah. You're an idiot.

Okay, here we go. Brenda, one star, not good. Here it is. Uh-oh. I made a terrible decision choosing to bury my relatives here. Plural. Plural. I love when the people take it some responsibility.

I made a bad decision. Partly on me. At least 30% me is what I'm saying here. The graves are always covered in dead grass, and the whole cemetery is covered in weeds. Wait till you see the dogs. Very impressive frisbee catching area. There is very poor maintenance to the park. The customer service is the worst I have ever seen before.

Really? I've never dealt with customer service of a cemetery before. Never, no. She must really have a lot of dead people in her family. When visiting a loved one, they threatened to my car oh it seems aggressive for a cemetery if you can't park it you just gotta drive by yeah hey don't put everything should be like hushed tones in a cemetery hey this is a no parking area okay i'm sorry i'll move my car okay you have a good one that's a cemetery no parking no stopping no it's like a library in here. We're all going to be cool, and there's dead people and books.

I think we'd be cool. So they threatened, even though it was halfway off the road. She pulled over to the side and parked on the side. That means it was halfway onto graves. Well, usually, I would assume they would keep the stones at least a couple feet off the actual road. I've never seen one. Everyone I've ever seen there least a couple feet off the actual road. I've never seen one. Everyone I've ever seen there butted right up to the goddamn road. On the way home from the airport, I actually, in New York, passing a cemetery on the way down to the airport, there was one in Queens that's like, there's a highway.

It's the fucking highway. And you could just, if you're on the side of the highway, like changing a tire, you could just reach through and touch gravestones it's right there like these people did not want to be buried like in the right lane of the fucking on ramp of the center state i don't think they feel the rumble of a peterbilt where they're resting on the fucking on the fucking van wick expressway i don't think that's what they were looking for or wherever the hell we were i don't even know where we were mac truck j a fucking Mack truck? Jesus. It's fucking crazy. Groundskeepers have yelled at me for walking through the cemetery to a grave, telling me, quote, this is not a public park.

You're not allowed here. No visiting your dead relatives. We keep them now. You drop them off and that's it. To avoid confusion, maybe don't call the place a park a park a park i mean why would you do that they're just used to people throwing frisbees and balls to their dogs all the time like get these goddamn golden retrievers out of here you brought your dog didn't you could you get the graves out of here and point me to the swing side

yeah right where is that uh is there a seesaw around here so one of those spinny things this is not a public park you You're not allowed here. As well as many other extremely hurtful things. You fat bitch. This is not a public park and you're not allowed here, you fat twat. Get out of here. Take your ugly kids with you. Let's go.

Yeah, you're not seeing grandma today. Take a fucking walk. Hurtful. I want to know what he said. This is awesome. Yeah, I want quotes yeah i want quotes i want quotes for what an attitude the groundskeepers have they should be doing a better job keeping it clean like if you're going to be a prima donna at least be a star you know what i mean yeah you know what

i'm saying like somebody acts like a dick you go oh well they're really talented you know it's better it's better than oh they're useless you know it's better than they're doing well yeah it's better. It's better than, oh, they're useless. You know, it's better than doing well. Yeah. It's better than than than being, you know, Pauly Shore or something where you're like, oh, Andy's terrible. OK. Yeah. Different. So if I could rate this a zero, I would. I would.

Next up is Karen. So right away, we know there's a problem here. One star. Poor customer service. Is that right? Yes. I left in tears today. By the way, normally when we hear tears in one of these reviews, it's always like, come on, you're out of fucking Chick-fil-A.

Like, honestly. Why are you so upset? But this is the one place where you go, tears, maybe. Yeah. There's also. They're possible. Certainly. There's emotions swirling.

I left in tears today because my dad died last year on Easter while we were placing flowers on his grave today and spending quiet moments with him. We were yelled at by a worker for being three-quarters side-parked on a grassy hill to avoid our car being hit on the narrow road. Yeah. That is the thing about these the the the roads are crazy narrow in a cemetery yeah they're all really tiny because they are they're using every inch they can to put bodies in there right every two feet of road you're talking about thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars in body space this is the owner's house just shrunk by making this road bigger that's's how it works. Yeah. So we apologized, moved our car, and he drove off.

Kindness and compassion go a long way, especially when grieving graveside. Yeah. Yeah. Forget about our plans to spend more dollars there. I guess when more people die. Snack bar's not getting a dime. There's certain places. Yeah, we won't be going to the concession stand today here.

They should have concession stands at cemeteries. Genius. I would spend more time at cemeteries if they had them. If I could get a hot dog there, too, probably. That'd be great. Oh, yeah. Minnesota. Tell a buddy about how great your day is.

Yeah, you know what I mean? Tell a stone how tasty this how tasty this nathan this is pretty good i mean you're gonna sit if i'm always gonna spend more time somewhere where there's a meal possible you know that's just all there is to it i'm gonna spend more time there yeah i mean you already know you're missing out but this is you're super missing out big time you're you're missing out out from the last episode. So Ben gives it one star. I would leave a negative 10 if Google would allow me. Negative.

Negative 10 stars. They got to work real hard to get them back. Not even zero stars. Yesterday was my grandfather's burial, a day that is hard enough already. I would think so. We gave the cemetery an almost four-day notice, twice what they require. You can't give a lot of notice about when someone's going to need to be buried. That's the problem.

If you do, that's suspicious. Certainly. That's a separate problem. We're going to go for about 90 days. June 18th is when it's going to happen. Yeah. So we're going to bury him about the 20th. What do you say?

Sir, it's February. Yeah. I just know things, okay? I know things. We gave the cemetery what they noticed. Okay. When the procession got there, the hole was not dug because they could not get the equipment on the hill and there was a tree in the way.

Okay. Why'd you sell that spot? You can't, yeah. What are you selling shit for? Yeah. If you can't dig it, and then what? Now we're just going to set the casket there until you can handle it? Well, then it gets worse. My dad and grandma had to pick out two new plots.

They said, repick. We can't bury them here. We just can't get the shit up there. Wander around and find a free spot. Yeah, just look around. It's like a bus station. Just find an open chair. Wow.

Oh, my God. And we were told to leave and come back when they call in two or three hours. This is a funeral. Jesus Christ. There's a procession. Imagine you're there. You've got all of your friends around. You know, 75 people at a funeral and cars and everybody dressed up.

And they're like, come back in two or three hours. We'll call you. Now it's like. We hired traffic control for this. Now it's like you went to the Outback Steakhouse on a Friday night. And they're like, take this beeper and go out in the parking lot. We'll buzz you. Vibrating hockey puck.

We'll let you know when we got room. It's going to be a while. But just take this. It's a vibrating headstone. Just take it with you. We'll buzz you. when the hole is dug that is what's what do you do then as the family as the whole funeral your day is not planned for a seven hour block of a funeral so what do you this is fucking crazy um two or three hours as if that wasn't bad enough 10 minutes after my aunt got the call my dad got

another one misunderstanding with the funeral insurance and they needed 1900 before we could bury him so now you got the up front he is in a casket waiting this dead guy there's no he's not in a drawer he's just sitting out there in his suit in a casket waiting to be fucking buried and they're like i don't know we don't have the money we need and the hole's not dug. So what are you supposed to do? Take him home? You have no choice. Wow.

What if you don't have $1,900? Put him in the garage at that point? What do you pay up front for? There's very little that you pay up front for. You wait until, especially with services. You know what I mean? Yeah. You pay up front for clothes.

You don't pay up front for a fucking service. Maybe that's the problem, though, because if you didn't pay, what are they going to do? Dig him up and bring him to you? Drop him off at your front lawn? There's a law against that. They can't do that. Yeah, they can't do that. So you got to pay up front.

He's just there now. Yeah. Oh, boy. Essentially holding his body ransom when they had already screwed up, and then all caps, massively. That's a massive screw-up. I would say so. You don't know if you can dig the hole.

After a call to the corporate and funeral home, they settled on $1,000 with the promise that it will be paid. This is my first experience with real loss close to me, and this joke of an organization made it as difficult as they possibly could. I hope they never see another time. I hope all money escapes them forever. Another dime. That's right. One star Gabrielle. Here we go.

On several occasions, I've gone to visit my family that's buried here, only to be stopped by who I imagine are groundkeepers to be told this isn't a public park and I can't be there. It's either that or people doing a seance. Yeah.

You got to like prove you have a relative there. How does this work? Staff is beyond unkind and always has an attitude. Is this who you have to greeting grieving families? Grounds are always unclean, covered in weeds and high grass. I wish I could go somewhere else. Well, that ship has sailed a long ago, unfortunately. You padded that ground down.

It's over now. You can't move them. You can? You can. That begs the question. But it's an ordeal. I'll bet. There's got to be paperwork involved, right?

I believe so. Probably got to call the cops and tell them them there probably has to be a reason i think yeah you can't just be like i'm taking that guy somewhere else yeah change my mind i don't know what the rules are what is it yeah what's the what's the equivalent of sending the food back in the in the death industry i know like you know if there's there's a murder case involved or something you can pull them back out and check them out but i don't know if you can just do it on a whim i'm sure you can yeah because somebody was kind of a dick to you i'm gonna put it in my will that i'm gonna be i'm to be moved every five years or so to be dug up and replanted somewhere else i don't want to be in the same place the rest of my life. You know me. I like to move around. Yeah, that's what you do.

I like to move. I don't like to stay in the same house or place. So I think that's what I need to do. I'm going to get moved. Even when you buy a house, you're like, I don't like this one anymore. Now you have to sell it. It's such a fucking hassle. You love it.

I know. I know. I grew up living in a new place every three months, so I have a weird psychological thing. You're going to have to put in your will the people responsible for moving you. That's a good way. It's got to be all set up ahead of time. I can't just spring that on somebody at the last minute. I'll set that all up.

Everybody's worst fear is being forgotten. They make a fucking Disney movie about it. You will never be forgotten. Basically, it's going to be such a pain in the ass. There's a responsibility. Every five years or so, you have to have another funeral for me. That's going to be great. Every five years or so.

Gather around. We're burying him again. I think that's a great idea. I think I'm going to do it. Constantly being moved. Yeah, I'm going to move. I don't want to stay in the same place. Don't make me stay here.

Sometimes they got a movie to a different state, too, so you can experience different weather. Yeah, sometimes maybe I don't like the cold anymore. You never know. You don't want to be in a floodplain. It's too hot down here. Move me. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. That's great.

Finally, Austin, one star, verbally attacked trying to leave the grounds by some ignorant worker. Apparently, when the roads are completely blocked in there, apparently when the roads are completely blocked in there, if your tires touch the grass to get past other cars that's an issue if you're not completely off the road it's an issue what's an issue austin is how you write fucking sentences are you drunk this person must be drunk that's a drunk sentence that's incredible fat dirty guy here we go in a beat truck asked where my family is buried so he could drive his truck across their graves. Where's your grandma buried? I'm going to drive my truck across the grave. Run these Mickey Thompsons across that bitch.

Wow. Insanely unprofessional and childish. Yeah, this place. That guy works there? He works there. That's a groundskeeper. The groundskeepers are not cool there at all. That place is brutal.

Evidently. Wow. Holy shit. So now that we're not dead anymore, we're alive. Good. We've been to too many funerals. We need some festivities. Is what I was getting at.

We've been dug up with festiveness and festivity good ridges yeah now we're we've been run over several times we figured out how to run a funeral let's do something else let's really get out there jimmy spread our wings let's go on a cruise what oh boy my nightmare something i would never ever ever do by the way neither of us would ever ever go on a cruise the disease alone uh no everything the disease the fucking people bad fucking comedians and magic show i can't deal with it i'm not doing it so oh god let's look at carnival cruise lines let's go basic as we can which has 2.9 stars by the way which not the whole company the company yes as a whole 2.9 stars and a lot of one

stars more one stars than five stars so feels like they were sold a bill of goods seems like it high expectations some people love it some people love it i'm always disturbed by people who are really like cruise enthusiasts cruise enthusiasts i'm always like really maybe they're seeing something i don't see, or they just have a different, I don't know, but I can't figure it out. My ex wife's dad loved this shit and he would tell me stories and I was just,

my eyes would just be spinning in my head. Like, I don't know how you do this. I don't know. Yeah. Why are you trapped on there? I don't get it. I don't like it.

So Laura five stars, my mom and my family and siblings always get treated to a weekend cruise to Ensenada every January on carnival and it's so much fun there's so much to do exclamation point I don't know between the kids club which ranges from 0 to

17 years that sounds safe yeah turtles are 0 to 1 penguins are 2 to 5 stingrays five to seven sharks which are eight to eleven circle o which is 12 to 14 circle o circle o like circle o ranch i i i'm like a corral for fucking preteens or yeah for tweens young adults i don't like that for the tween crowd yeah uh club o2 which is 15 to 17. That's the swinging one.

People are fingering each other in there. Club O2. Yeah. You're fingered while you drink a Coke. I was going to say, there's definitely booze being snuck in and people getting fingered in the 15 to 17. You've got to keep them away from the 12 to 14-year-olds. It gets dangerous. All have different activities, so no kid is bored.

So bring your kids and just drop them off in a room specialized for them. And then go wander around a boat? Yep. Well, they have a spa, a gym, an adult whirlpool on the 11th deck. It's 11 stories high? Dude, these things are humongous. Holy shit. These fucking ships are enormous.

They're like cities cities which is even creepier gross sun deck on the top deck 12 so many activities for you to enjoy bingo ice carving no okay we're this is rome at this point we can't go float around the ocean and watch people carve ice what the fuck are we doing? What are we doing now? It's too much. That's gluttonous as fuck. Yeah, it's too gluttonous. We can't do it. Are you getting a blowjob while it happens too?

What more could you add to this? You've got to keep that room where the ice is a certain temperature, right? Because otherwise that motherfucker- Freezing would probably help, I would think. Slightly below? I don't know. It's got to hold together, right? I would imagine without losing its ice quality.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how they're doing this. Physical properties of ice. Yeah. You need to have it there. That's fucking wild. Dance contest.

Love and marriage show. Oh, boy. I think that's some sort of. What is that? Probably a play or comedy or something of that nature. They're doing this because they love each other. Oh, boy. And more.

Can't name them all. Basically, it really is the fun shit. Elegant Night is the best, which happens on a fun day at Sea Day. What the fuck are you talking about? I guess we all get dressed up nice. I'm not rereading that because I don't care. This person's nuts uh highly recommend it there you go five stars now since one stars were so overly represented

prevalent yeah prevalent let's let's represent them properly here one star from tyler from uh lakewood california and he says the only good thing about this cruise is their overworked staff which sounds terrible but i think he means the staff tries to save the day by working very hard, but can't overcome it. Even though he's saying, yeah, I actually feel sorry for them. Oh, because they're always they're constantly trying to fix problems. They can't because it's set up against them. This cruise is horrible. Food is always cold.

Drinks are skimpy. Internet is slower than a 56K modem. You're in the middle of the fucking ocean, honestly. What do you want, man? If you're going to the middle of the ocean, you're going to get away from cell phone service. I can't. No.

You're not hard-lined in anymore. You're on a boat, man. You are on a fucking boat. And I paid for the expensive internet plan. Shut up. Shut up. When the internet goes out on a boat man you are on a fucking boat and i paid for the expensive internet plan shut up shut up when the when the internet goes out on a plane i go that doesn't work for a while now why because i'm 30 i'm fucking miles in the air that's why it might have been a glitch of some kind i'll accept that it's ridiculous that i'm doing what i'm doing in the first place i shouldn't be able to surf the internet on a phone also weird yeah can't hook up

anything to watch movies via hdmi okay they are fucking tv nazis with their horrible channel selection calm down jesus tyler you shouldn't you be doing all the things that why are you on this boat i don't think tyler wanted to go on the cruise he's like yeah you go do that bullshit i'll be in here watching movies fuck i'm gonna watch movies and jerk off on internet yeah music from the bar is so fucking loud you can't sleep this man is tormented just he's had enough this is like a prison ship for him he hates it fucking nazis Fucking terrible music. This is bullshit.

Wow. The most cursing in a review I've ever heard. It's almost 11 a.m. and it's still blasting. Still meaning it hasn't got off from the night before. I don't think it's going to stop. It's just going to get louder from here probably, right? That sounds like 24 hours, Tyler. By 11 a.m. I go, oh no, it's just going to get louder at 2 or 3, I bet.

It's going to go back up. Walls are paper thin, so that doesn't help. I wouldn't recommend this cruise to anyone. Could have went to Hawaii for this price. Never again. I'll bet you couldn't have. Where did you go on Carnival Cruise that a trip to Hawaii is the same price? Well, let's find out here, because this person gets into prices.

Jolene from Phoenix gives it one star. Let's go, Jolene. You should be happy to see water, lady. Listen, I'm just telling you, I've lived there forever. There's more than your bathtub. It's fucking impressive. Yep. Caution, they are thieves.

That's all capital letters to start out with. I would never book with them again. I lost $1,600 because I booked a cruise and lost my job May 17th, 2023. I wasn't set to sail until July 15th, 2023. I canceled the day I lost my job. Jasmine in the resolutions department laughed at me. You unemployed bitch. Click.

And hung up on her. Why are you calling me? Get on monster.com. Yeah, you should bitch. Click. And hung up on her. Why are you calling me? Get on monster.com, bitch. Yeah, you should be looking for a job. You're not wasting your time. I would say when you lose your job is when you really need a vacation. You need to clear your mind. Go on a cruise.

Yeah. Laughed at me and would not do anything to help me. I was $7,000 into this reservation. You could have went to Hawaii. That's what I'm saying. You could have went to Hawaii. That's what I'm saying. You could have gone so far. These cruises are not cheap. They're not like-

Seven grand? Yeah, they're not. That's what I mean. Everybody thinks of them, I think, as like the dollar store of vacations. They're fucking expensive. This is a- Why would you do that for that kind of- Go to fucking Europe.

You could get a plane and a hotel for the price they're charging. Jolene could have gone to France. Seven grand? Something. Go anywhere. Just see. Yeah, you want to go other places, go there. I will be booking again with the Princess Cruise Lines.

I think she means, oh, don't use Carnival. They are themed. Yeah, she's going to use Princess. Back to Princess. So, wow, that's a lot of money. Babe, for seven grand, you could have flown to fucking England and seen a princess. What are you doing? Yeah, you could have for seven grand you could have flown to fucking england and seen a princess what are you doing yeah you could have probably gotten some lunch with the i bet you megan markle will take less than that to meet her sort of a princess probably less like well she's

like a birthday party clown at this point right harry you can get both of them probably right you might get their kid the two of them will come over. She would charge more because she was an actress and stuff, but he has no talent whatsoever. He has nothing. He has nothing. She's got to pay her at least SAG minimum, you know what I'm saying? Because she was on a show for years. Yeah, so you've got to pay scale.

Him, you're not getting. He's done nothing. You could give him, hey, Harry, I've got an extra hundred here. No one's giving you money for anything else you're doing right now. The talent he's got in that family is a full head of hair. That's it. That's it. And that's not even all the way there. And I'm not saying anything more against him than anyone else.

The one who's going to be the king is even more talentless. He does nothing. Yeah. They're all just very talentless and lame. Very mid. Very mid. Royal family, mid. Mid.

Rancho Cucamonga's Stephanie G here from California. One star. Sadly, my thoughts on Carnival were completely changed after the cruise my husband and I took on the inspiration to Catalina slash Ensenada. So that's the same one this person, the other person was raving about. It's a very short cruise. That's from la there that's got to be how far is that because catalina's down there at san diego people go on day trips no it's up a little further but people go on day trips to fucking catalina that's not

isn't it near san diego it's i think that's where you go to to get to it but yeah but catalina's so close it's not that long it's right there no what there. No. What the fuck is that? You'd be like, ferry out to that shit. Why would you do that? It's like Alcatraz, I think. That better not be seven grand. No. Shorts, I think it's a longer cruise. I think that's where you come back to.

We were woken up every morning, 7 to 8 a.m. and once at 4.15 a.m. by the awful sounds of construction, hammering, grinding, sawing. Maybe people were just fucking hard in the next room. Yeah. Fuck convention is on this yeah it's really there's all sorts of uh they aren't i can't imagine they're setting sail on an under construction boat that's wow that doesn't sound safe either no the construction continued throughout the day every day the smell that accompanied accompanied it made it even more unbearable and the smell of sewage to the

metalwork smells around the ship and even better sewage coming up out of the drain in our bathroom literally there was feces on our floor there will be poop there will be poop your stupid opinions guarantee there will be poop and feces is in bold letters, which it should be, honestly. The whole review, when you first cast your eyes upon it, you just see feces, and then you read the whole review. So it caught my eye. The thing about your sewer system in your home is that gravity takes all that down, right? So you flush your toilet. It's not like there's pressure.

It's literally gravity sucking all that down, right? Yeah. So you flush your toilet. It's not like there's pressure doing it. It's literally gravity sucking all that down. In a boat, there's a fucking pump. This is science. It sucks it. Yeah. Science is making this happen. Electricity is sucking that shit out. How is that coming back up?

There's a real problem. Yes. Maybe that's what they're working on inside. Maybe take them a Coke and tell them to hurry it up hey uh can you pick the pace up out here there's shit on my floor i'm sure i don't need to even mention the sanitary and health concerns this brings up not really uh this was a stressful tiresome and anything but relaxing vacation for us which was a battle to even be able to attend not only was the cruise a waste of time but a a waste of money. I've mailed in our story to the corporate office and will be sharing on social media.

Oh, my God. That's fucking hilarious. This person. No, Harold, I'm not going to read yours. Here we go. Mike, one star. Yeah. Sewage smell ruined this experience.

This is a fucking common theme. Yeah. Common theme. I guess it is acceptable to have the smell of, and in bold letters again, urine in the cabins. That's awesome, man. I do like the bold letters. I don't know why anybody has any expectations higher than this. This is exactly what I imagine goes on all the time.

A floating shit boat. That's what I expect. Yeah. A floating sewer boat. Yeah, because you can't. Full of diseases and bad food. Where do you people think that goes? Terrible entertainment.

They can't flush it into the ocean. That's illegal. I mean, yeah, they got to put it somewhere. You have to hang on to it on the boat. Yeah, the poop's got to stay. It's got to stay. We will keep our poop. Yeah.

This is true, they say. At first, I thought it was on the floor, but it was coming from the sink or toilet. Oh, God. One cruiser said he just puts a scent in his upper lip to mask so he can sleep. Really? Cruiser. A cruiser. A cruiser.

That's a person that takes a lot of cruises. We got nicknames around here. He puts Vic under his nose like a homicide detective investigating a crime scene of a decomp fucking victim. That's what they put. Yeah. They put Vicks under their nose because the person, you know, is bloated from being dead for four days in a hot attic. This is something you paid for.

That's what makes my time on this ship enjoyable. Wow. Holy hell. If you like the hometown buffet, this cruise is for you. There you go. Horrid buffet food nearly 24 hours. I heard classier cruise lines have better food? Stick to the drinks.

Well, you got to eat something, I would think, or else there's going to be even more urine. All this aside, you only get one afternoon on wherever you dock. Then back to the tourists and the same people on your boat. So if you want to experience culture, get a hotel or an Airbnb, go out and eat drinks with, uh, eat and drink with the locals, stay a few days in one spot or even a week experience the culture, not just for a day. And then onto the next spot, then fake dot, dot, dot.

That's a whole sentence. Fake. fake dot dot dot that's a whole sentence fake lastly when i told carnival that my room smelled of boldly urine again they offered me a carnival gift and a 25 off my next cruise 25 that's the gift wow too funny what horrible customer service never again with carnival which i understand is the bottom of the barrel rock bottom why didn't you do some searching man before you did this shit yeah maybe never cruise again definitely would pay more and avoid any ship associated with the circus carnival holy great point yeah that's carnival is synonymous with with circus. Why would you go to that and expect leisure? Expect anything but shit.

I expect urine is what I expect here. That's what I expect. From an elephant. I expect urine. Okay, Max with one star. This is for a person from Las Vegas. This is a long one, so I'm going to go through pretty quick here. I am currently taking a cruise on the Radiance ship with Carnival Cruises, and I must say it has been a complete disappointment.

The level of disregard for the well-being and safety of passengers is truly shocking. Okay. Really? First, my son suffered a traumatic incident when his hand got caught in the elevator. Well, that's not good. Yeah. What? I don't know how that happens, but okay. Did he try to hold it and it doesn't have a safety thing?

It doesn't have those things that you're supposed to have? I feel weird about an elevator on a boat to begin with. That's just weird. I don't like that. No. Use some stairs. The swelling was significant, and instead of showing concern and promptly providing medical assistance, the staff seemed more interested in having me sign liability forms. Well, yeah.

Don't sue us. They even had the audacity to demand a $150 fee just for the doctor to see him. It was clear that their main priority was protecting themselves rather than ensuring the welfare of their passengers. Right. To make matters worse, we had the unfortunate experience of being vomited on from an above balcony, covering my two-year-old child. Oh, no. Oh, God.

What is this, fucking Mardi Gras? Vomit from above. Mardi Gras without the tits. That's a boat. Yeah. Disgusting. Urine, puke, tourists. It's awful. Nobody's got their tits out. This placeusting. Urine, puke, tourists. It's awful.

Nobody's got their tits out. This place sucks. Puking on children. On children. The staff's response was utterly apathetic, showing no empathy or willingness to assist. They just went, I don't know, sometimes you get puke on you. It's a fucking, it's a cruise. Be lucky your cabin's not covered in feces.

And then they walk away. Are you happy you're here? Oh, my God. This is fucking amazing. Usually that's extra. Yeah, sorry. I mean, it's extra to be happy. It's extra to enjoy it.

You have the bare minimum get on board package. The enjoyment package is a lot more. You got puke for free. Be happy. Hey, look at that. Pick whatever it is out of it. It's from the free. Be happy. Hey, look at that. Pick whatever it is out of it. It's from the buffet. Same shit.

Not even a gesture to help clean our clothes or offer any form of compensation for the distress caused. I will admit that the food on board was decent, but that's hardly enough to offset the complete lack of concern for the health and safety of my family. Wow. Guess not. Food was decent. Decent. and safety of my family. Wow.

Guess not. Decent. Decent. Man, I strongly advise against choosing Carnival Cruises, especially the Radiant ship, if you value the well-being of yourself and your loved ones. The lack of care and compassion exhibited by the staff is indicative of a company more interested in protecting their own interests than providing a safe and enjoyable cruise experience.

Good God. You have to pay for that. That's the problem there. That's the deal. Here we go. Roberta, one star here. Last one. Carnival Panorama has had half its signature red wing broken.

The red wing served as a filter to exhaust. After it broke off, instead of repairing it, the company removed the intact portion to even out the the look the ship spews choking exhaust everywhere it goes and there's a picture of it check this out jimmy in a cloud of oh it looks like there's fog on a crystal clear day on a on a tropical coast fucking looks like the fucking titanic yeah anybody unsure is like sniffing up Carnival Cruise is almost in. So that big red wing thing, it's probably got some sort of charcoal stack in it that filters out that smog. That's what that's for.

Yeah, I would imagine so. How the fuck did half of it break off? I can't imagine. That's what I'm saying. It's so weird. I don't know how it broke, but they just said, fuck it. In order to make it look even? That happened with an 85 Oldsmobile

I had in high school. Literally, it broke off and it was just loud and there was a cloud of shit coming out of the back. You know, but it wasn't. I didn't have 12 stories of Cruze that I was carrying around.

So I'm sorry. I got to get off of this Cruze. I'm sorry. I have to. I can't do it anymore. I got to get the hell out of here. There's more reviews, but I can't do it.

So after all that time on the water, Jimmy, you know what I feel? I feel like I could. Both our hair is a little shaggy. We could use a cut. It's the piss, shit, and vomit, James. Yeah, let's get this all out of our hair and get a nice little trim. Let's get a child's haircut. What do you think, Jimmy?

Okay. For all reason. We're going to the hairy elephant hair salon for kids. Why do they got to do that? I don't know. This is in the suburbs of St. Louis, 106 Holloway Road, Baldwin, Missouri. Has 4.3 stars on Google and a lot of reviews too, but some people are very upset. Let's find out.

Taylor, five stars. Mr. Tim was amazing. Yeah. And my son hates having his face or hair touched, and he got down on my son's level, played with him before the haircut, then brought the haircut to my son at the toy table so my son was as comfortable as possible. Oh, that's nice. Not a single tear. We'll be back and highly recommend. Cannot say enough great things about my first experience here.

Check out Tim. This kid is playing, and Tim is just walking around him. Yeah, kneeling around him as the kid plays and just trimming a little here and a little there as the kid does shit. Is he holding the scraps that he's taken off that kid's head? I assume that's what movie stars do. They're going everywhere. That's how Bruce Willis' kids got haircuts. I have to do things, and they're doing things.

There's just someone behind them cutting their hair when it's not an inconvenience. That's what I feel like. Lauren gives five stars. Such a fun place to get your kiddo's hair cut. Vicky is the best stylist remember vicky's name by the way wait till you meet tim some people disagree about vicky she can't be better than tim getting crawling around on the ground um she is so fun and patient with the kids my children love being able to sit in their favorite seats and then in parentheses a train and a barbie jeep for the win

they also get to pick a movie to watch during the haircut, choose their own shampoo scent, and get their hair washed with the help of an elephant, quote, shower. I definitely recommend the hairy elephant. Yeah. So that's what it is. The shower at the end is to wash the hair. Get the hair.

That's clever. Get the hair off. Three stars from Alex. My toddler has had three haircuts. The first one here was good. The second one was fantastic. And the third was terrible. Very Goldilocks of you.

Yeah, it's looking for the just right. My son has now had beautiful long curls. We just wanted them trimmed so they'd be more manageable. had beautiful long curls. We just wanted them trimmed so they'd be more manageable. And my husband told Vicky, Vicky again, specifically that he wanted to keep the curls. So what did she do?

She got out the razor and cut them off. She got a razor out? Well, looking you right in the eye, she did it. Not scissors? Vicky. Like a hippie going into the marine corps in 1967 that's like it's fucking like it's a kubrick movie full metal jacket time here yeah uh when my husband tried to stop her she said she wasn't cutting much off she lied she cut them all off in the sides in the back and just left a bit on top and told my husband to go sit down get out of here man get out of here i'm vicky if you have a kid with curls and you want

to keep them do not let her come near your child's hair uh and it wasn't even a good haircut it's uneven and looks ridiculous when it grows out a little we'll have to go to uh to someone else to try to fix it yeah oh my god God. Okay. Sarah, one star. My 18-month-old son had his second haircut last night with who? Vicky. It's Vicky, yeah. She was unprofessional and rude. Oh, wow.

She told my toddler if he didn't stop moving, she was going to pull out the clippers as a threat and then proceeded to do so. I got the clippers, boy. That's amazing. That's amazing. My grandfather was an old-timey Guinea barber when I was a kid. I mean, he started cutting hair when he was 14 or 13, then went to World War II, then come back and cut hair until he died. You know what I mean?

Like one of those guys, old barber. And I remember as a kid, the barber shop, he had the big, he had the leather strap on the barber chair to do the razor. And I said, what's that for? And he goes, it's for the bad kids who don't listen when i'm trying to cut their hair and i was oh god i was terrified so that's what it used to be as a yeah you know as a threat it's now it's clippers whatever clippers like like electric ones like i'm gonna i'm gonna saw your fucking head off with it i'll just shave your whole head maybe i don't know yeah my husband and i brought distractions and a treat for him to enjoy while getting his hair cut and she told us to go sit down on the bench and wait because we were

distracting her every other stylist i've ever seen there has allowed parents to be near their children for support i will be driving 35 minutes to the other location from now on. Yeah. Yeah. One star from SM. Terrible experience. The stylist was pushy and not patient with my four-year-old son. Plus, she gave him a very horrible haircut. Oh, and it's bad. Very horrible.

Power went out and they had no flashlights or anything. I don't think they were prepared for a power outage, probably. They're probably in a strip mall. This isn't Vicky's house. What are they going to cut hair by candlelight? Where the fuck do you think you are right now? They need power. Not going back, read all the one-star reviews and avoid this location.

David One Star, the stylist, Jim Tim, whatever his name is it's tim this is tim down on his knees yeah shunned my wife for my daughter's shunned her how do you from a hand in her face wouldn't even look to just push her away shun no one speaks to her i'm through with you people go where's the bathroom and they're just ignoring her. Just shunned her. Evidently, I've been shunned in here. Wow, no one will even look at me. This is crazy. Hello, I'm shunned.

Everybody, I'm shunned. I'm leaving, I guess. They even told the children not to look at me. Said, don't look at this lady. We're shunning her. The audacity of this jerk was astounding. We've been here before and no one said anything except that her hair was cute this person has no business giving parenting advice we will not be back

shun was your kid's hair were there lice in the kid's hair was it filthy right did you not wash your kid's hair for a month and they're saying they're you know on the verge of calling cps on you maybe it's so funny oh my god jessica one star here we go like some others have said i'm unsure how this place has so many five star reviews the staff is super unfriendly my son's hairstylist vicky yeah are vicky did vicky and tim own vicky i think they're the only ones there man this is wild they're just it's all vicky was very snippy with me the whole time ah nice pun i don't think she meant that as a pun that's the thing yeah i think she meant that she didn't get what she was doing it's awful and you suck jessica with me the whole cut it out yeah right yeah cut it out yeah yeah cut it out no squippy and snippy the whole time because i had his

measurements removed because i didn't like his haircut the last time she cut it his measurements removed they must be in the computer of like two that's what it is they keep they keep track of it so they know what they gave them last time weird i tried to have some higher hopes this time and i was wrong i just had to pay to have someone else fix his hair that i tried to have some higher hopes this time and i was wrong i just had to pay to have someone else fix his hair that i tried to tell her was uneven very uneven while we were there but i was over the snippiness from her she didn't get it she doesn't know nope the girl doesn't have any idea the girl next to us at the time cutting the little boy's hair who was maybe six she at one point rudely told him if you just keep your

head down this would be much easier just look at your shoes fucker look at your shoes for five minutes and let me finish just an all-around not happy with this second experience at all and will not be coming back the girl who fixed my son's hair told me all of the mistakes and the way she cut his hair seems like she had no idea what she was even doing. She took her kid to a place and then had to go have the haircut redone, and then she came back? And then she came back, yeah. This is on you. No, no.

The person who she took to fix that haircut said, what the hell does this person do to your kid's head? They don't know how to cut hair over there. Okay. One star here. Worst haircut experience for my kid ever ever they stabbed him in the neck with the scissors that's they took his leg yeah anything that could happen it grows back in two weeks they messed up my son's hairline so bad and made him look weird

she didn't put a picture up with this nope Nope. Oh, my God. That's amazing. Hairdresser didn't know how to fix bad haircuts, so gave my kid hair wash without even checking with us. They made entire haircut experience terrible for us. Would never come back. Never, ever, ever. And then finally, last one, one star. Yesterday, I took my baby boy, who is a year and three months, to this salon to get a haircut. The lady who cut my son's hair on the appointment at 6 p.m. is just super rude.

And she was older lady. She was older lady. Not a young stylist. She was old lady trying to look younger, of course. Trying to look young. But instead of of course, it's off course, which is even is more. Yeah. So she was older lady, not a young stylist.

She was old lady trying to look younger off course. But you can't hide your age when you are old. You are old. She was basically talking so rudely to me. And as a mom, of course, I don't want my child to cry. And that was bothering her. Yeah, he is crying and you will hold him oh please that's what she told me that was one sentence that was till there was a period

older lady not young and she can't hide you're old because when you're old you're old who cares wow trying to look young saying omg and ngo yeah just like texting all the time doing tiktok bullshit you know what i mean oh my god then i told her he is crying and then she said oh yeah uh oh yeah is that what all the kids do today do what all that kids was due today that's that makes no sense that's why it's hard to read mom please give me a space here this is is Vicky. We know this is Vicky. Sit down. All of this, of course, with a smile at the end. Of course, my son end up vomiting, too, because I couldn't do much for him.

Was he crying till he vomited? Jesus. Just take your kid home. What the fuck are you doing? Learn how to cut hair. I don't know what to tell you. And all what I can do is just wait to finish and take my son and never come back again and that was expensive for just basic haircut to pay

28 for such a service and such personality i wish that i told her to go find another job or cut adults hair since she can't pair pair to deal with kids not bear i don't recommend this place to any mom wow i hope english wasn't that person's first language first of all i terrible yeah yeah if you if you grew up and went to school in this country and that's what you got out of it i am sad for all of us a lot of trouble so that said you know what we need to really unwind let our hair down let's do it everybody with the personal item of the week fuck yes shit yes let's do it here we go with the wow i'll read with this whole description here on amazon vibrator adult sex toys for women three in one mouth shaped sucking vibrator 10 tongue licking three sucking nsucking nipples, anal clit sucker.

Anal clit sucker? Sounds like you yell at someone out of a car window. You anal clit sucker! Motherfucker, son of a bitch! Mouth pleaser. Anal clit sucking bastard. G-spot vibrators, clitoral stimulator, couple sex toys. All right.

Show me what this is. You got to see the picture. You got to follow our social media if you don't. I would think so. That is for ladies. What the fuck is happening? It's like you hold on to like a baseball basically almost. Yeah.

And then it's got a mouth with lips and a tongue that apparently moves in all directions yeah is that what they need a man's mouth to look like so they can come no wonder they can't go yeah you wonder why they can't come they need us all to look like a rolling stones logo obviously what the hell is this about that is amazing it's 27.99 on amazon pretty good deal which i mean if it works great it's in stock here um experienced by the way there's uh different colors i believe oh because no no there's different attachments oh no one is fucking 27.99 one's 29.99 i don't know the difference it may just be different colors because amazon loves to do that if you want it with the other

one seven dollars more yeah stupid experienced unmatched sensations explore the epitome of just be different colors because Amazon loves to do that. If you want it in pink, it's $7 more. Stupid. Experienced unmatched sensations. Explore the epitome of pleasure with our 4-in-1 adult toy combining unique mouth suction, tongue licking, and tongue vibration functions carefully designed to hit all the right spots accurately and swiftly. Indulge in

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A must-have collection. Adult sex toys. Rose adult sex toy. So, let's find out. It goes on. There's so many descriptions. Oh, I can't imagine. It's chargeable.

Yeah. It says to suck your nipple, put it up your ass. It'll suck your clit. It does all sorts of shit. Literally. And they love to put every word that they can in there that's searchable for keywords yeah yeah so suck and clit and all this shit so yeah yeah clit sucker you goddamn what was it again anal clit sucker you anal clit

sucker that's absolutely an insult uh not an, but it's something you'd yell at somebody. It's something you insult people with. It's a compliment. Yeah. Five stars. Great buy. Definitely gets the job done. I'm a big review person. Oh, boy.

And I always read reviews before purchasing products. Don't regret this buy. Great toy. Definitely gets the job done quickly. Feels great. Hope this review helps. If you on the fence just buy it, you won't regret it. It came super quickly as well.

If you're sitting there with it in your cart, go ahead and check it out. It's got four stars out of $1,651. Not bad. Not bad, although you're never going to please everybody. Four stars. Get to it. Four stars.

Different is what they say. Yeah. This is a decent product. Battery life is questionable. How long has it taken you? That's a, yeah. I got the one with the Bluetooth app control, and I'm kind of wishing I hadn't. Okay.

Not a fan of the app interface, but it works, and that's what's important. The part i hate about it is the noise level i'm pretty sure you could hear it three rooms down everybody knows what you're doing it's like the it's like the construction on a carnival cruise it's the same thing so you never know is it the noise of the machine or the the noise that the machine makes you do that's yeah maybe both maybe Maybe both. The vibration is loud enough, but the suction is horrible. It feels great,

but the noise is so much that one can't enjoy the toy. I gave it four stars, but it's really a solid three and a half. Yeah, it's a... Whatever... I don't know if it sounds... Does it sound like a vacuum cleaner maybe?

Maybe it's like... Like when a dust buster starts up. With some wet noises in it? Yeah. Like it's vacuuming j jello it's like someone aggressively eating soup is that what it is aggressive sloops a soup slurping soup sucker you anal clit sucking soup licking bastard um one next up five stars woo woo ain't got time for a 30 minute build to an o question mark oh ain't got time for the o with a question yeah all right i haven't got time for the o does it take you forever to come yeah listen up listen up grab this baby for a strong intense quickie oh definitely didn't expect to be blown away, but super pleased with the results.

It can be used in the shower! Exclamation point. You can use vibe suction or both. It's small enough to live in your nightstand. To live in there, you have to feed it every day, too. Yeah, yeah. I honestly love how large and round the base is it's nice for arthritic hands that's how that's how hard she's been grinding away on this thing yeah either that or she's 85

which is even funnier or it could be younger just have arthritis 10 out of 10 would recommend okay jesus okay five stars from quinn Worthy of a Nobel Prize for sex toys. Absolute genius product. Nobel Peace Prize. Nobel Prize for sex toys. Wow. Wow. My partner and I like to keep things interesting, so toys are nothing new in our bedroom, but so happy about this one.

I'm taking time to write an actual review because it is that fantastic. All caps. Without getting into quote too much information territory yeah i'm sure you won't here we go i'll just say this the first time we tried it out it gave my partner such an intense build and finish that we both just looked at each other wide-eyed and grinning like what the hell just happened and then burst into giddy laughter next to each other it was so much fun okay whether using it solo during foreplay or to give to you to your or your partner's actual lips and tongue a break oh to give them a break during extended play sessions it can take orders or take charge but holy cripes this thing shows up to work holy cripes you're gonna come hard that is a glow who's ever said holy cripes holy cripes unless it was like holy cripes

that thing's huge cheese and crackers i came hard beans and rice oh man holy shit the variety and possible different combinations of licking vibrating and sucking modes makes it super fun for exploring what can give the right pleasures in the right places and it has surprised us in the best ways possible on more than one occasion sometimes a few in a row there you go go. Multi-orgasmic gal. Good for you. That's lovely. Yeah, look at you. Lucky bastard. Also super impressed by how seamlessly this toy connects via Bluetooth to the remote control app every single time we use it.

I've had issues with this kind of function between toys and their accompanying app in the past, but this one has worked every single time. The app has options for complete control preset rides or as i like to call them autopilot jesus yeah he's good wow slang terms for this shit god damn plus and this is the feature that really blew me away a sound option which revs the intensity of the toy up and down based on the decibels of sound picked up on the mic on your phone where it's connected this is that's too much yeah like voice activated that's too much that's too much this is fucking crazy yeah this this there's some lady coming 12 times in a row who is she thinks she is god damn it that's not fair oh this is not fair i don't care

it is next level can't say enough good things about this gadget. If there was such thing as a Nobel Prize for sex toys, this would win. Hands down. Amazing product. Yeah. Three stars. Not quiet. Next person.

No. Description says it has a quiet whisper motor, but there's nothing quiet about it. Still sounds like you're using a vibrator. Yeah. Still sounds like you're using a vibrator yeah still sounds like you're using a vibrator is a great line you will not be able to use it discreetly if you're in the house with other people no they're gonna go up there she is again she's fucking yeah well luckily this thing makes her come fast so credit to your house for being that goddamn quiet that they can hear a vibrator so quiet you can hear my mom vibing.

I'm telling you. It's on a different vibration. You know, it's one of those like on a plane you have certain noises you can hear. Now, next one. Three stars. Loud, loud, loud. This thing is so loud, all caps. Might as well announce to the whole house it's sexy time.

Sounds like a V8 engine. It's like I got a 76 Cadillac under here. It's running on alcohol back here. Oh, man. That is fucking amazing. Two stars, product only half functional after a few months. No. Okay.

After a few months, it stopped sucking. Oh. Well, that's a problem. You want it to suck. Yeah. I've sprayed hot water through it, letting hot water sit in the mouth, pushing a think straw as far as it'll go either way. Must be a turn in the middle. Help?

Question mark. What is going on? What are you doing? Buy a new one. It's $28. How many times do you want to come for $28? I feel like a really good come is worth $28 for somebody if they're really backed up or pent up.

You know what I mean? I mean, guys will go to a brothel and pay thousands of dollars for that in Vegas or wherever. $28 for a handy? I think I'd do it. You know what I mean? Why not? So, eh, complaining. Next up, a handy. I think I'd do it. You know what I mean? Why not? So complaining.

Next up, one star. Avoid the frustration. Oh, yeah. As someone who's all for exploring new realms of pleasure, I took the leap and invested in the three in one vibrating mouth sex toy. Let's just say it's four in one, by the way. Don't sell them short. Yeah. Yeah.

Let's just say I ended up with more frustration than satisfaction oh firstly let's talk about the suction feature let's let's talk about let's discuss it everybody gathered round we're discussing the suction feature on the four-in-one vibrating fucking clit sucker ass anal stimulator uh sure it sounds promising on paper yeah but in reality i mean yeah you know communism works on paper you know what i mean um it's like vacuum cleaner it's like a vacuum cleaner on steroids so it's really sucking in there i wasn't i wasn't looking to rearrange my internal organs. I only needed a gentle caress, thank you very much.

Can you turn that one down? Not looking to move aside my fucking cervix. Then there's the shape. Whoever designed this must have had a very peculiar anatomy in mind because holding it feels like trying to shake hands with an octopus.

Wow, unpack that for a minute. Holy shit, awkward and ineffective. I'm all for innovation, but let's stick to shapes that actually make sense, shall we? The tongue is shallow while the mouth and base are too wide. And don't even get me started on the battery life it's like the energizer bunny took one look at this toy and said nope not worth my time okay maybe your pussy yeah yeah that took one look at my pussy and said nope not worth my time and he walked away that's gonna take too long yeah 15 minutes in and it's already begging for a recharge

i'm sorry but i've got better things to do than play musical chairs with charging cables. I got coming to do here. Give me a break. What are we doing here? In conclusion, if you're in the market for pleasure, steer clear of this product. Unless, of course, your idea of a good time involves feeling like you're being attacked by a clingy vacuum cleaner with commitment issues. Commitment issues. Commitment issues. Here we go.

This person gives her whole name, just Miguelgo McKenzie. One star. Terrible. Somebody's going to Google her one day. Yeah, look at all of her other reviews. You have to have an app and the charger broke after two brief uses. Do not recommend. The suction was practically non-existent.

The last person said it was like. It's too much. Yeah. Yeah. It was like you open it up and it was like you're being sucked out of a plane at full altitude. And this person's like, I don't feel a thing. Yeah. Maybe you're numb, darling.

Man, that was non-existent. And using the app made my personal time so much more complicated than convenient, which is the point. The licking thing, not matter what the mode. It's called a tongue. It's called a tongue. Kind of licking thing. Kind of felt like one of those cheap vibrators from Spencer's where you just go numb. You know, a cheap mall vibrator.

You know what that is. It sounds like it's a mall kiosk vibrator. Yeah, just say, I got big fucking dildos. Use them out in your car with your V8 running so it covers the sound. It was also pretty loud. I had my mom asking if I turned off her electric razor. Don't buy it.

What are you, shaving in there? No? That's already done. Oh, my my god that's fucking amazing okay um here we go then we last couple here one star terrible save your money yeah i should have listened to the negative reviews it worked for one use which is way too overpowering like bissell could put that motor in a vacuum that's not my cup of tea. Yeah. Washed it once.

That's a pain too. And then the suction completely stopped working and none of the speed options worked anymore either. Also, the design is meh. Meh. The lips are too big. The tongue is too far inside the mouth. So disappointed that I just threw it away.

Okay. Barely came more than 10, 12 times with it. Linda gives one star. Massage private area. That's what you do with it. Did not give me pleasure. Will not buy it again. Oh, that's a shame. She's saying just go ahead and rub yourself. And then finally here, one star. i don't recommend it it makes more noise than my neighbor's car you need to go to a hill or island a hill or an island at the top of a

of a hill somewhere in the rocky mountains just fucking jamming a tongue in your ass you go to the hill in that cemetery where they couldn't even get a backhoe. There you go. No one will hear. The dead won't judge you. The noise takes away from your concentration. So you can't concentrate on coming. Unreal.

So makes more noise in your neighbor's car. There you go, everybody. There's your complaints and grievances for the week. My ribs hurt from laughing. Holy shit, that's amazing. Fantastic. Fantastic. Make sure to join us next week.

We're going to have some beautiful places that people don't think are that wonderful. Oh, great. Some food that's probably not as bad as people think it is and all that kind of shit. We're going to have so much more fun. Follow on social media. Rate and review on whatever app you're listening on say some nice things about us and uh listen to crime and sports and small town murder as well while you're at it and keep coming back and hanging out with us thank you so much everybody we'll see you enjoy Follow Your Stupid Opinions on the Wondery app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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