Your Stupid Opinions - Horton Heads Revolt, Summer Water Fun, Too Authentic, Night Club Gym

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

We find out how people feel about a Tim Horton's location where they may just name the rats, rather than get rid of them. A water park that gives you the experience of being cursed at by dozens of small children. A very personal item that seems slightly too realistic, and absolutely gross. A gym that seems like more of a night club, where the manager seems to be the main problem & much more!!Join comedians James Pietragallo and Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section!Subscribe and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!!!Don't forget to rate & review!!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to your stupid opinions ad free right now join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts Hey everybody welcome back to Your Stupid Opinions. Hey! Hey, hello, thank you for joining us. My name is James Petragallo, I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. We cannot be more excited to have you aboard for more complaints and grievances from around the internet.

We all love looking at review sections. We do, it's just hilarious to hear things that have happened to bad other people that are worse than the things that have happened to us. We look for it. So that's what we're gonna give you the best in the review section of the internet. And once again, as we say always,

these are not our reviews. We didn't do it. These are other people's reviews. Like one thing this week, I have been here, so I'll give you my review. But other than that We never know here and definitely check out social media follow there follow all the there's Facebook groups and everything so get in there Come and hang out and if you like the show check out our other two shows

Crime in sports and you're and now this is your stupid opinion Small-town murder which are exactly what they sound like and but they're funny too. So there you go. Let's get started everybody right away Summer is coming It's getting warm out or boy is it we're in there. It's almost June. We're we're cooking. So let's do something Let's do a summary thing. Let's go to a water park everybody. Oh boy. Let's do it. We're going to splashdown Beach Take in the GRD. Let's do it. Let's get all sorts of stomach issues and all interesting flora and fauna going on in

our stomachs and let's get sick for weeks. So Splashdown Beach, this is in Fishkill, New York. This is near me, right by me. This was like the local water park when I grew up. Really? So yes and like at night when I was a kid they had a like the inside of the place turned into like a kids nightclub called Club Soda. That's what it was called and swear to God. So it was the same place you go to you have your parents drop you off at splashdown and when you're

12 and then you'd go in and like it was set up just like a club like a wreck like an adult club except they had no booze it was the weirdest fucking place at all of all they had the bar set up and there's people hanging out dancing it was fucked up but this is about splashdown which is a water park and it says water park with slides rides and a wave pool and play areas plus several food options. And it's about an hour and a half from New York City. Okay, here we go. Here is Amina with five stars.

Let's leave it off. Because a lot of people, some people love this place. I think it's a dump. I'll be real honest with you. It's a dump. It's all water parks are. They're all dumped. But I mean, this isn't some big corporate setup.

That's, you know, this is like a small private owned small timey water park that there's an elephant shooting water out of its out of its trunk for no reason. It certainly feels like their safety precautions aren't to the standards of maybe some of your bigger water parks. It feels like all of this could collapse at any moment and we could just drown, I feel like. Is there a theme? Like some of them have a rainforest theme or no theme.

The theme is there's water here. That's the theme. There's water when it's hot. We got water, come on in, let's go. Okay. Let's go here, okay. Five, bring your shitty, ill-matter kids in here and let's go.

Five stars, I would recommend this place and I can't wait to go back. Yeah. Wow, all right, it isn't a huge water park. No, it's not. It's pretty small, but it is all you need for a fun summer day. There is tons of spots with sand to add a beach feel. Oh, there's a sand. That way when you're wet, you can have stands stuck to you even though you're nowhere near the ocean. That's terrific. Charming. I suggest getting there early as well. It wasn't as crowded as it looks like it could get, but there is more than enough room for everyone. Then all caps, get swim socks!

Why? We'll find out I guess. You have to climb steps for most of the rides. So having these on will be your best bet. I guess because it's slippery probably. Right, or hot. Or hot, yeah. The park was very clean and maintained.

It's not like Arizona though, where things are hot to the touch here. That's the thing. Oh, boy is it. Yeah, Arizona is a, in Arizona you think like that, but in the rest of the country they're like, what are you talking about? Things don't get like, Arizona you can't touch your car

in the summer, you just can't. In Arizona you can't walk across grass in the summer. It will burn your fucking feet. Everything burns, your steering wheel, you have to just touch it with your palms for like the first 10 minutes you're driving. Yeah, the bottom side of your feet look like you were stung by jellyfish.

The blades of grass will singe your feet. It's bad, and your shoes will melt on asphalt on a hot summer day. Absolutely. You're not, you know, quality shoes. It will separate the glue. It will, it'll burn it right out. Yeah.

The park was very clean and maintained. That wasn't what I got out of it, but okay. The employees were working actively all day to keep it this way. The food was good, but do not order the garden pizza. It's literally a salad on top of a pizza. Yes, it's called this. That's what it this way. The food was good but do not order the garden pizza. It's literally a salad on top of a pizza. Yes, it's called a salad pizza around here. It's a common pizza and it's fucking delicious. It's amazing. It's so fucking good. I can't explain how

good it is or why it's so good, but holy shit is it good. This is a great place for families of all ages and I could see me returning to spend more time here We had a blast. That's great. That's as good as it gets and then so one more five-star here van I had an amazing time with my family at the water park in August the parks attractions were thrilling thrilling Have you ever described anything? Thrilling well, it's like a roller coaster is described as thrilling. I've read it as thrilling, but I've never said it. No, and it's just a big water slide.

It's not really thrilling. Okay, that's interesting. They're thrilling and the staff was incredibly friendly and helpful. We loved the variety of water slides and pools, which catered to all ages. Okay, yeah. The cleanliness and safety measures in place

gave us peace of mind. Overall, what a fantastic family outing and we can't wait to visit again. Sounds great, man. Wow, that's great. Let's find out some people who had not such a great time. Here we go. One star from Jose.

And this is all caps, extremely money driven people. Really, they don't own a business, weird. The people. That's strange. People owning their own business would wanna make money off of it, odd. Strange. In addition to not allowing me to enter

with a couple of cereal bars for the kids, they consider Friday as a quote, weekend day. Yep. Yeah, most places do. When you say going out this weekend Friday night counts How it works yeah weekend concept looks to apply also when it comes to work, I don't know what that means We're on their weekend. I guess the employees are real casual around here. Yeah They're on their weekend, I guess. The employees are real casual around here. Yeah.

Changing rooms. He's being a little sarcastic there. When you throw in some sarcasm in a serious thing, it doesn't play sometimes in text. No. It's a tough read, Jose. It's a tough read. Jose, you're not doing well here. Changing rooms where unavailable were unavailable, I guess he was trying to say, most of the

day. So, tough going. one star some days they bring bus loads of unruly kids from summer camps yes they do yeah yeah and let me tell you one thing I know from growing up around here the kids are fucking unruly this is a you're getting groups of like Italian kids and like it's not, it's gonna be bad. It's the kids are tough. It's a tough deal. Kids with no parents that are going to the water park on a field trip or from a summer

camp. Those are 14, 15 year old bad kids. Yeah. Whoever's in charge of the summer camp can't ground me. So they're like, let's go. We're going to the slides. Come on. Hey, fuck you.

Fuck you summer camp lady. I'm not coming back no more anyway fuck your towel I'll step all over it. Get the fuck out of here. So wow and with the rest of the crowd added the place turns into hell. Yes. Yes. Waterpark. That's now you're getting it see when someone says you you wanna go to a water park, I go, that sounds like hell to me. And I don't go and pay for shit. Yeah, on my last visit, it was after four, and I don't ever wanna go back again.

Crowding and poop smells combined for an instant turnoff. Yeah, crowded poop is a lot. People are gonna poop there. It's gonna, there will be poop. We know that, that's a fact. We had to leave there. It's gonna, there will be poop. Yeah we know that. That's a fact. We had to leave within 10 minutes of entering the park. Don't recommend buying a season pass for this chaotic and dirty water park. Jesus. Okay Rob with one star. My family went there midday today. This is from six months ago. Six months ago. Why'd you go in mid-day in November? What the fuck? It's not

even open. It's closed till... It opens like May 1st is when the shit opens. Charged us full price even though shutting park down early for a private event. Spent several hundreds, spent several hundred dollars and shut an entire park down. Scam artist! Oh. Never heard. Maybe he reviewed it in November, but he had the experience in like fucking August. Yeah, that's possible.

Just like saved it in the notes on his phone and then put it in there. Oh yeah, how about that time I got real mad. Never heard of a place shutting down everything for a party. You've never heard of a private party before. You've never heard of people having money and renting a place out? They do that.

I'm gonna say restaurants do that, where they're like, that's it. Private party. Which people do that shit all the time. Absolutely. And then it says, we closed one hour early due to a private event, as a response from the owner. So, relax basically, calm down.

Steve Turk is the owner. Luke gives one star. The price is quite expensive for the size of the park. And it's mainly for kids and preteens. Really? Right. A fucking water park, mainly for kids. Odd.

I was going to go to one of those adult-themed water parks where they have like a dildo that you slide into at the bottom of the slide or something like that. You know, makes it a little more adult-y. Right, right, right, the tit cups. The titty cups, everybody shit-faced. Yeah. The bartender might slip a little more adulty right ride the ride the tit cops the titty cups everybody shit-faced Yeah, the bartender might slip a little roofie in your drink. It's cool. We're all we're all adults here Holy shit, they have a few slides for adults. Well then win motherfucker

The wave pool only works every 10 minutes They will not give any refunds, even if you just arrived, then hear thunder 10 seconds later and close the park for an hour with only two hours left. Because that's just- You can't have lightning, man. I don't know if you want. And that's the thing, when you're going to the water park,

maybe check the radar quick on your app on your phone there. Just go, oh, it looks like there might be thunderstorms. Maybe not today. It may rain this afternoon. Kids, tomorrow. It's not thunder, it's the lightning, I assure you. The thunder doesn't matter to shit. That's the lightning, that's the problem.

So response from the owner is, we have a splash back guarantee when it comes to rain. And then he said you should go to the website. And then says, check the website, is what they say. And they have to think, so. You should've checked the website. Did you check the website? Did you check the website? Did you check the website?

Adriana one star. The park is good. Why you giving it one star then? And offered a grate of fun for the children. A grate of fun. That's a denomination I've never heard before, a fun. What could she have been looking, I guess great amount? A great, a great lot of fun.

I have no idea. Great is, how many is that? It's a great, oh okay, is that like a gross? I just don't know about it. Oh, the great of fun. The great of fun. This review is strictly for their lack of customer service. To make a long story short, my ID was on hold

for a Cabana service. The fuck does that mean? She got the, she was waiting. She was online waiting for one. The waitress forgot to give me my ID after the bill was paid, so you forgot to get your ID back after the bill was paid, because the ID, that's your ID, so that's your fucking problem,

because the waitress isn't gonna have any problems later, you are. Yeah, that's your fucking problem is the waitress isn't gonna have any problems later. You are yeah, that's called collateral Yeah, I call as soon as I realized I didn't have it. They mentioned that Monday will be open Labor Day This is from then Monday was closed due to inclement weather. Okay, I understand. I called Tuesday No one answers the phone and left a message. No one calls Sometime between Tuesday and Wednesday. I emailed the website, no one reaches back. Thursday.

It's just screaming into a void. I bought my ID! What's closer, this water park or the DMV to get a new one? Yeah, I know there's a DMV around here also so really. Just go get a new one. Just say you lost it here. Thursday, September 8th I finally speak with someone who mentions that she has my ID and she will mail it immediately Nothing comes in the mail

Man on the morning of September 15th I emailed the manager using the website an automatic message was emailed back saying that she was out of the office But to contact other people. Good God I emailed another manager. At this time it's a water park it's a slide. I just want my ID back. Jesus. The person who answered the phone mentioned she stepped out. I left my information no one reached me back. Oh my god, finally sometime in the afternoon I called again and to get an answered that IDs were already mailed and they should get there soon. My ID was supposed to be mailed on September 8th, the postage states September 15th and just received it.

Not happy at all. They're very casual about this shit. You got it back. That's not their main beach is their main business. It's a right. Yeah. Okay. Here's two stars First and last trip to splashdown they say oh I took my boys to splashdown beach on a recent Friday in August We wanted to go to a water park and we're debating whether to go to Lake Compounces water park or splashdown the to go to Lake Compounce's water park or Splashdown. The two are about the same distance from our house.

And we decided to go to Splashdown because we hadn't been there before. Also, the $30 daily ticket purchased online was appealing. For a water park, that's not a bad price. Sometimes they're expensive. We arrived at 10 when the park opened and were fortunate to park very close to the entrance. We quickly went on every water slide and it was a good thing because by 1045 the park was so crowded that there were 30 to 45 minute waits for the most popular slide. The reason? The park was overrun with camps. The reason? There's people. The reason it's the middle of summer and that's when kids go to this fucking place and that's how they make all their money that's the that's the reason yeah yeah I lost count of the

school buses that were entering the park and the park is so small so cannot accommodate hordes of campers we've been counting school but yeah look at these look at them all come in these kids coming to a water park who do they think they are three buses coming into the lazy river we ventured over to lazy river, but we had to get out every time we looped around because there was a line. No, it's because you get one trip around. That's how every water park works. We just hang out in there all day doing fucking laps.

No. No. You go around once and you get out. Get back in line. The boys played in the wave pool for a bit, but then it was closed due to the presence of poop! Yep, you betcha! Where will be poop? That right there happens every day there.

That's it. The food was overpriced and mediocre with very long lines. Well, yeah, because it's a water park. That is it. Oh, here's a good one. Two stars, very dirty and crowded. Okay. It was horrible. Tons of camp groups that were pushy and foul-mouthed. Yeah, bunch of little New York kids. Yeah, and a group. Bunch of little New York kids that their parents don't wanna deal with them

so they pawn them off on strangers. They can't even handle them. They're like, I'm sending you to this camp, okay? You're going. I'm going to camp. I don't wanna do it alone. And human feces on one of the stairways. More poop. Yes.

It was more than just the stairways. You just didn't see it. I was gonna say, if it one of the stairways. More poop. Yes, it was more than just the stairways, you just didn't see it. I was gonna say, if it's on the stairway, it's on everything else probably too. So gross, we left immediately and we'll never go back. Jesus Christ, this is fucking, I love this a lot. I can't believe so many people don't know that. About water parks?

They're shocked that there's poop there? It's all over the place. It's everywhere, that's where you go. I don't wanna bathe in other people's urine and feces is why you don't go to water parks yeah that there's poop there it's all over the place everywhere that's where you go I don't want to I don't want to bathe in other people's urine and feces is why you don't go to water parks the best reason Jennifer one star my daughter got hurt going down a slide how the fuck do you hurt yourself on a slide well I guess you touched the touch the dry spot when you went down it'll burn it'll burn you her ankle swelled up immediately oh my god what was she doing?

Who knows? I'm sure there's disease on there It's got poop in there You can't get poop in a burn. That's the thing that'll ruin it We asked the first aid people to look at it said it may be genetics three question. What? I'm looking at your ankles. That's why it's swollen. Yeah, you got some fat ankles. Plus, you might be genetically averse to poop. We're not sure. To poop in your open wound.

How New York is that? I don't know, lady, maybe genetics. Maybe genetics? Maybe ask your mother and father if they fucking, if their ankles are like, you know, all swolled up for no reason. I don't know. She's got one ankle, ma. Maybe it's your side lady

I'm telling you maybe it's just ones now and the other one's gonna catch up cuz I'm looking at you right now And I'm thinking you know Sandals are on man this lady's daughter is gonna have fat fucking ankles. You know what I mean That's what I think when I look at you. I'm just being honest Those leather straps are digging in can you feel your toes? Those leather straps are digging in. Can you feel your toes? What I'm trying to say is they have zero education when it comes to first aid. Right. My other daughter had someone throw a bloody pad out of the lazy river that nearly hit her.

What? Don't need this anymore. I just pulled it out of their pants and shucked it off the fucking ride and almost hit a child Her liner was full and she just threw it. She just pulled it out mid fucking lazy river Wow, that's an appropriately named river there That is that's a relaxing river James James. It's so lazy. You just weep and throw it. Yay.

Jesus Christ. Wow. That is fucking hilarious. Okay, finally, there's a lot of bathroom floors are gross, but with all the water you would expect that. You can't tell what's pissing, what's not, because people just go in there dripping. You can hope and that's it. Yeah. One star, last couple, season ticket holder for three years,

will never bring my family back after today. Place is overrun with camps and the worst kinds of trashy people. Smoking, lewd conduct, vulgarity, yeah, that's about right. That's what was going on when I was a kid. Yeah. Line cutting, horseplay.

Not horseplay from children at a water park. Who would have thought? Outside. Wow. And the staff could care less. Yeah, they're not their kids. They don't care. Wait till you get hit with a pat.

Yeah. When someone says, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, fucking. That's unruly. Someone is going to get hurt at splashdown beach, but it won't be my kids. Stay away and keep your kids safe. Management of this park should be ashamed of what they've let this park turn into. And then I say, it's they don't care. They're taking their buses, pulling in and pulling out. They don't give a shit about you.

Steven, finally one star. This place blows. That's a good start. 80 bucks for two large pies so two pizzas for 80 bucks and the kid workers always ruining the fun with ridiculous rules. Yeah kids are known to make the rules. Rides that take four people they send down two so expect to wait forever to go make the rules. Rides that take four people, they send down two, so expect to wait forever to go down the slides. You can't just put strange, you can't make strangers ride together.

No, that's, yeah, they don't, especially when they're in minimal clothing. Lunatics? Yeah, and they're lunatics, and they're shaking rafts, trying to flip them over and shit. Snuggle up next to my daughter, who's in a bikini. Guy who's in the other party who's not with us, please get on in there next to her.

That tits and hairy chest. Get close to her. No, no, make your thighs touch, really. Let's get in there. Really hug her. So, okay, now that we've splashed ourselves with water. Yeah, piss, James, that's all piss. Let's splash ourselves with something even worse.

Oh boy. With the personal item of the week everyone. What in the hell is this? This is an item that's actually a kind of a an accompanying item to a product we did a few weeks ago actually. Oh okay. This is you want to buy this if you had that. Remember the the dildo with the with the pump that would shoot. With the balls? Yeah. No no with the ball that would shoot whatever substance you wanted out on to you This is a buyer's also bought this. Well. I found this or we found this here. Oh, yeah It's a it's a it's a bottle of cum. It's action. Wow, it's it's

Okay, you have yes. Yep. K. Um is the name of it and it says number one Number one synthetic semen on the outside unbelievable how many synthetic semen's if there's one thing we don't have a shortage of it's semen you know how much semen could be made like on the fucking fly right now from anybody this is strange who's bragging about being the number two synthetic statement? Damn it. We're number three in this market.

We need to improve. It's not slick enough and then when it dries it doesn't get all weird and sticky. No, this is terrible. It doesn't have that smell. God damn it. We're never going to be number one. They're like our... Number one.

Who wants to be number one? Who's the RC Cola of cum where they're like number four four and they're like we're trying to get some more market share You know We were just a mixer on the On the bottle it says flavor authentic flavor Hope nobody's eating water based and unscented Looks looks and feels like the real thing

Then it says don't shoot without it Okay, and it's made by a company called magic money shot. Yeah the taste That's good synthetic semen right there Yummy yummy Yummers. So this is called Magic Money Shot Cum, K-U-M, synthetic semen water-based four ounce authentic flavor. Authentic flavor, god damn it. The word authentic makes it even worse. Like that's the best authentic Mexico City cuisine you're gonna get.

It's the, yeah, God. Authentic Hatch chilies. It's 23.95 for a four ounce bottle, and then for an eight ounce bottle, it's 38.95. So you'd be- Six dollars a shot. Yeah. You'd be better-

Or Nagermeister. It's cheaper to buy two bottles of the four ounce than it is to buy one bottle of the eight ounce, which makes no sense whatsoever. Okay, product description. Our synthetic semen, then in parentheses, in case you didn't know what that meant, it says fake cum, in case you were wondering. Is the most natural looking product on the market today.

That sounds like an insult. This looks like cum. Suitable for use on set or couples at home? On set, oh I guess in case if you're making some kind of fake money shot. Unlike most quote cum lubes, wow, our cum is thick. Our cum is thick, creamy, it ranch dressing this is disgusting I'm horrified right now Jesus Christ thick and creamy what is this Newman's own blue cheese what's happening here I am disgusted and designed to look and feel

like the real thing cum can also be used in conjunction with our money shot magic delivery devices, squirting dildos or as a stand alone fake cum product. This product stands on its own. The chief ingredients are, so that's what I'm curious about, are cellulose, gum and glycerin. What is that? Don't worry about that. I don't know.

The cum like products. The bush pong? That's what he was singing about. What is that? Don't worry about that. I don't know. The cum-like products. The Bush Tongue? That's what he was singing about. It was originally called Synthetic Seamen and he was like, that's just long. It's wordy. It's too much. Yeah. Here we go.

All right. Five stars from Nicole. So Silky Smooth is her title. Oh, God, Jesus. This is going to kill me today, Jay. So far loving this magic cum oh, what is there to love swell? She's gonna tell you super silky and doesn't dry right away. That's good. That's helpful I have pretty sensitive skin, so I'm pretty happy to find a product that does not irritate and the flavor is actually good

Why are you why are you eating? Why? What? Don't get it and then it gets weirder after that Shouting herself like this is unbelievable. No, she's got a husband involved here, which is even we're no weird chemical taste or smell Then says this which makes no sense. Oh. Can't wait to surprise my husband with a magic money cum shot. Does she mean on her or on him?

I don't know. If she means on her, he's probably got you covered, Nicole. Literally, yeah. Yeah, he'll smother too. He'll do it. Yeah, covered and smothered, babe. But I don't know if she's just gonna whip this out and squirt cum all over him and be like ha turn about yeah flower lapel good for the goose

motherfucker you know I don't know when he turns around at dinner yeah I got you just as a maybe that's a salad dressing that night quick splash we're gonna change it out for his ranch and see if he notices believable Rick gives five stars should sell more volume for price not enough commas his his issue then says it's a good product that's his whole review okay okay Kim with two M's mmm Kim mmm five stars very realistic three exclamation points About as real as it gets Like I said, can you can you not get a hold of semen? How rare is it?

You could if you're half attractive you could walk up to a random man on the street and be like What you jerk off into this bag for me? I'll show you my tits or whatever, I just need your semen. They'd be like, all right, I guess. That's what a guy would say, sure, I guess. I mean, right here, do you wanna go inside somewhere? Or right here out in front of the coffee shop, which one? It'll be such a wild, he'll do it,

and then she'll walk away, and then that rush of clarity we get, and he'll be like, she's gonna frame me for murder. Yeah, she's gonna go put that in a corpse. Uh oh. Oh well. Oh shit, what are you gonna do? Eh, great tits though, I'll tell ya.

Color and consistency is spot on and the taste is just the right amount of quote, disgustingly yummy. Ah! Come on, Kim. good for you Kim the extra M stands for masochistic Next up this person gives their phone number with their area code as their username, so I'm not gonna get that It's an 818 number. So why would they do that? I don't know. Well, I think they fucking I think they misunderstood number. Why would they do that? I don't know. I think they misunderstood. Yeah, I didn't get it. Their review is very short and sweet. Five stars, very nice, and then it's real.

I hope not. It might be real. It's so good it might be. It could be real. This is the real deal. Nick with a K gives, just N-I-K, gives five stars, great product, and then says, can't get enough, so glad this exists. I just shower and. I got it on re-up. It's just so much, see I have the subscription that comes all the time, like I do with my toothpaste, it's the same thing.

Every two weeks they got a new bottle of fake gum. And I gotta tell ya, there's a few days where it's, you know, there's a lapse, just saying. This is Cathy. Scraping the bottle up. God, Jesus. Cathy and Victor is the next one. Oh, a couple, yeah.

Got a couple review here. Five stars, very realistic. Had to thin it a bit for the squirt. Oh, God. But overall, these people, it's like a science experiment. They got like a little stir in there and everything. It's a bit too thick for the machine. But overall, it gets a green light anytime.

Golly. Terrific. Jessica gives her whole ass name, this person, Jesus. Four stars, works great. I didn't like that it had a horrible taste. Super nasty. But other than that it like, jizz probably. Yeah, that's accurate. She doesn't like jizz. She shouldn't put this on the map. Probably not. Yeah. But other than that it worked great for what I used it for. More specific please. Yeah. What exactly did you use it for? I would recommend this. That's it.

I would recommend this Williams for stars. It's great. So this works great. It's great. This product is good for its value. And it's not too expensive at all for what I use it for. Everybody just says for what I use it for, which is pretending to get, come on you. Is that what you're using it? What else could you use it for? Spray it all over my own face. And they should sell a lot more of the products I'd like to see it in Walgreens just you know. By the register next to the five hour energy just up there I'd like to see it.

Wow. Sheldon four stars great lube Sheldon four stars, great lube, Sheldon says. Liked it so much I bought it twice. I want cum scented and flavored. So this has no scent and he's upset with that. He needs the flavor and smell. And the smell, yeah. I need bleach smelled.

Here is two stars, Why is the question Mars? That's my question. I think our why and their why are slightly different though I'm just gonna say cuz when you read their review, I think it's different than our why they say What the hell is the point of it being fake cum if you can't use it internally. This is a ripoff You need the white. I can't shoot it inside of myself, so no good. I need to feel it in there. I don't even know what to say about that. One star from Daniel irritated my skin.

Everywhere this touched my face left a warm red irritated patch. We know what you use it for now. It's shooting it all over your face. Yeah, you don't have to say it for what I use it for. We get it now. My whole face felt warm and was burning. It's not FDA approved. Don't buy.

This might be the great... I can't believe this exists. This exists. So we're really... This is Rome, man. We've gone too far. I'm telling you. Where is this? Is this on Amazon, too?

This is on Amazon. Oh my... Absolutely. Yeah. And these people just with their names. So they have like, you know, a three hole punch and like, you know, this and that that they bought for their house like vacuum cleaner bags And then fake up under their reviews don't put your real name when you go for jobs now

No, they Google you they're gonna see your review of fake com They're gonna see Matthew say one star quote. It was too liquid not viscous enough for use I want more viscosity out of this thing. Like a 10W30, you know, I wanna make sure it sticks in my engine, right? I need it for real. Oh my God. He's in Castrol GTX around here.

Yeah, come on, let's make this right. Next up, Little Merlin says three stars stars, taste terrible. Ordered the authentic flavor and I couldn't even tell if it was semen like unless the guy ate salt and vinegar Pringles all day, then salted his jizz. So it's, I, wow. Um, I can't even tell it was semen like. Well, I don't can't even tell it was semen like well What are you using it for sir, yeah, so Anyway after that that's the cum now. That's fake cum. We've dealt with wow. That's your personal item of the I can't believe it I can't believe it exists. I mean I I guess I have to believe it There's a little a dildo dild for Christ's sake. Yeah, those things go together. I mean, you gotta get it. If you're gonna buy that dildo,

I recommend this product for you. But I don't know about all of you, but after hearing that, I am starving. What about you, Jimmy? Hungry? Peckish right now? I'm feeling... I've only got four ounces in here. Let me tell you, yeah. I am just covered in jizz and rashes and ready to go here. Got poop all over me from splashdown. So let's go somewhere that I've never been before, but a lot of people have asked us to review because it's one of those, it's like Dunkin' Donuts is like a huge addiction for people and it's like their thing they want.

Then there's Tim Hortons people who are different people. Yeah, the Canadian people. And also the Midwest, it's all over the Midwest too now. Is it in America now? Absolutely. All over the Midwest. This is an American Tim Hortons we're going to talk about here. This is Tim Hortons on 7290 Ohio 161 in Plain City, Ohio. So, State Route 161 Plain City, Ohio. So, it's got 2.6 stars on Google. Oh that is horrible. That is what? Not fucking good at all. That's so bad. Close it down, it's over. You're barely over half man. That's so bad. Send it back over the border guys. Sorry guys, stick some moose antlers on it and send it home. No one will know the difference, it's bad. It says, here's the description, Canadian change for signature premium blend coffee plus light fare pastries and breakfast sandwiches. It's Dunkin' Donuts for Canada, that's all it is.

Okay, let's do this. Mary gives five stars. Some people are Horton Heads, man, they love this shit no matter what. Is that what they say? I, no, I just made that up on the fly, but. What? I'm gonna call them Horton Heads though, I that what they say? No, I just made that up on the fly. What? I'm going to call them Hortonheads though.

I'm sure they call themselves that, right? Tim Hortons will be so grateful you just did that. They got to use that already I would imagine. I bet they don't. I'm a Hortonhead from way back. Really? I bet they don't. Wow.

Jesus, get it together. Do they not market in Canada? Is that how it works? Nope. Nothing like that. So Mary says, we went in one evening after grocery shopping for a treat. The iced coffee tasted amazing. The Timbits which sounds like his nuts his balls all come Timbits are munchkins. You've seen a little donut holes. No. Tim, stop it.

People call their nether regions their bits. So you can't do that. That's not going to work. Especially in England, which you are a satellite country of. So you should probably not call them Tim Bits. You know what you're doing. The Tim Bits were fresh and the gentleman at the drive-through was extremely pleasant. Yeah, because you don't mind his bits being in your bag.

So there you go. Cody, five stars. Can mind bits being in your bag. So there you go. Cody, five stars, can't go wrong with Tim Horton's coffee. I've been going to this location since they opened. The other Dublin location is always packed. They've had a few issues in the first couple weeks open, but it's caught up with the quick, friendly service just like most Tim Hortons locations. This location is very new, clean and has an open feeling but not too many tables. Sometimes drive-through menu has the lunch menu showing in the morning. So even on a five-star we're seeing cracks in the armor here. And that was from a few years ago too so that's different. So let's find out people.

Let's find out here. There's a few people. Oh man, this is not really, because this is from a few years ago too, the same time era when that last review came from. This is from David, one star, ordered two lattes, one flavored, one plain. Simple order for a coffee joint, I would assume here. Received two cups of lukewarm milk, nothing else. And he has pictures of it and it's just cups of milk, just two cups of milk, not even hot, not steamed. Wow.

I didn't notice this until I was already on the highway. I didn't have time to turn around and go back to the store to get it fixed. The flavored milk was pretty good on its own so I drank some. He drank it anyway because the cup is half empty, too Yeah, yeah The plain milk was not so good. It's just plain warm milk at that point I did however win a free doughnut Oh on the stop, I guess which I redeemed that the next Tim Hortons that I passed on the highway

With that purchase I had a new latte made with espresso this time. But he says expresso, which is, I don't know how you spell it. I don't know if maybe that's like a Tim Hortons thing or what, but I don't know. No, it's just the asshole thing. Just a moron? Okay, just an idiot. Yeah, okay.

And that's, they know, they know what they're doing. I truly believe that. You think so? Most people are not that dumb. They know. they're doing. I truly believe that. You think so? Most people are not that dumb. They know. And especially people? They absolutely know what they're doing. They know, they know.

They're just, they won't change. What are supposedly people? They don't know. They don't know. Supposedly, and the people who say, I'm gonna nip it in the butt, they don't know either. They don't know what they're doing. Same guy.

They really think, yeah, supposedly, this guy's supposed to come down and do this, but I ain't taking his shit no more. I'm going to nip it right in the butt right now. It's, no, that's the same sentence like that guy. Yep. Okay. Jla One Star, neither employee acknowledged me after standing at the counter for five-ish minutes.

Just standing there, nobody looking. Five minutes? Dude with the white curly hair was super rude and cursed at me. Well that's a specific guy. I know him. Cursed at me is hilarious. Who curses at customers except at a Massachusetts area Dunkin Donuts. I asked to speak to a manager and they told me there wasn't one and that they were alone. Nobody's in charge. This is a ghost ship, honey.

We're not even open. We don't even know. Yeah. We're not even supposed to technically be open. So I don't know. Skip this joint unless you like rude people. One star from Patrick. We go to Tim Horton's almost every day to get drinks via the drive-thru.

Last we went to this one not too long ago. The young girl charged us extra for one of our drinks. When questioned, she was rude about it and didn't even bother checking and just argued. When we said just cancel that drink and just give us the other drink, the girl didn't want to handle with us anymore and got another associate to quote, deal with us. Okay. Where this other rude girl told us that we had to get back in line and order it again. You want another drink? Back in the line.

Where they're trying to wait you out is what that's called. You want to wait 15 minutes, great. You'll probably leave. That's an employee trying to make your day as inconvenient as you're making theirs. Can I put this off a while? We already ordered it. They just didn't want to deal with us and close the window on us for us to go away. They just closed the window.

All done now. Never mind. We don't want to. All finished. It's a shame. There was a guy that worked there I dealt with every morning and he was super cool. Apparently those people were not her. These people.

Okay, Jordan One Star. I love Tim Hortons but this location gives them a bad name. I think Tim Bits gives them a bad name. I believe so. Yeah. I visited today and asked for a 20 count of Tim Bits. Yep. Give me 20 of those. The lady said we can't do 20. They come in orders of 10 and 30. Sorry. I said, okay, can I do a box of 10 or can I get two boxes of 10? She replied with quote, if you want to come in here and be our baker then you can have 20. If you know how to work the oven, feel free

is what she said. I bet they come in orders of 13, like everywhere else does, it's a baker's dozen. Maybe it's a dozen, yeah. But like Munchkins come in 10, 20. Do they come in 10, 20? Yeah, they come in 10s and multiples of 10s. I think they do baker's dozens, right? No, they come in multiples of 10, I? Do they come in 10, 20? Yeah, they come in tens. I think they do Baker's dozens, right?

No, they come in multiples of 10, I think. Really? But that's Duncan, I mean, different chain. These aren't Timbits, obviously, so how are we supposed to know? Right, these aren't Tim's balls. No. One star, very rude and ignorant.

Ignorant, too. Ignorant. Used foul language towards a woman. Maybe it was the last person. Maybe it was Jordan who was there in foul language on him. Where are they from? The same amount of time, it might be. The guy handed over cold sandwiches

and gave them to my hand, gave them to my hand is a weird way to put it, without a bag. Oh. When I ask him, when I ask him, he's yelling bad words toward customers and said he regularly gives customers Their food in hand without a bag Just like fucking slaps in there here. Take this shit throw it on your passenger seat

I don't know what to tell you if you don't have staff, please close your store, but don't hire such racist and foul-mouthed humans I don't know. Maybe that was part of his cursing. Maybe he's throwing shit out there. Cheryl one star ordered a frozen hot chocolate for my daughter and it looked like a frozen chocolate slushie. That sounds about right, right? Frozen hot chocolate should be about

a frozen chocolate slushie, right? Like a frosty or slushie or something? When I told them that it didn't look like a frozen hot chocolate because it was dark and watery looking the employee said yes It is and closed the window. That's it Goodbye and once the windows closed transaction over at that point we have your money you have the product Now you can go fuck yourself there this next person is very angry. This is like read the website there check the website guy Madigan one star this lady I should say I get the same thing every time a toasted cinnamon raisin bagel Okay, they have actually in all caps toasted it once in all caps

Why do you keep going back there? Yeah, go somewhere else. What are you doing? You haven't learned your lesson. This is your fool me once. Ever hear that phrase? You're an idiot. You're on like fool me every day for a month. Fucking shame on who?

Your mom? Have you also been divorced six times? What are you doing? Yeah, what the fuck here? I ask every time before I pull off if they toasted it. I literally watched the manager today not toast it then all caps lie to me When I asked if he toasted it Yeah, it's toasted sure

If you got a bag you're winning, let's just say that They didn't hurl a racial slur at you I didn't have time to fight about it today But I will be fighting with them next time. Just stop going there. What are you talking? This lady's got like a grud. I'll go back there and show them the next time. Just stop. Next time. Stop going. You got a feeling her kids are very, very terribly behaved too. And every time she does next time, I'll tell you what. I'll tell you, I'm going to punish you next time. Because it's the simplest step in the process. You literally put a sliced bagel on a rolling toaster and don't touch it until it's out.

Just because the staff literally keep lying to me and saying that a cold bagel was toasted. Genuinely just appalling service. Y'all treat your customers like they don't know hot from cold. Jesus Christ. Stop going there. Yeah. I mean, I'll be back every goddamn day this week to prove it. Jesus. Holly one star. I'm at Tim's every single day feeding my large ice cap addiction cappuccino, I guess. And this Tim Hortons is by far the worst They are always out of something stop going there

If always is in your review Why is this partly on you for sure? Not even always every single day is in her review But yeah does say always every time I come to this one, it's bad. It's bad. They're always out of something. Large cups, specific donuts, sandwich bread, lids, something. They never get your order right, either ringing it or handing it out. And the topper was when an employee told another employee to, quote, accidentally spill my

drink on me. Throw a coffee in this bitch's face. Maybe that will make her stop coming back every single day. Maybe. Oh man, it would serve me right, is the next line for some reason. What is her drink? Did she say cappuccino?

Ice cappuccino, which you could get literally fucking anywhere Anybody has that everybody makes that everybody has that it's unreal You know like they do in those tik-tok videos all the time. We know what it looks like when something gets spilled Yeah, we get it avoid this Tim's and head to the one on Avery They're faster more polite and we'll get your food right and they won spill it on you. And they won't throw it on you on purpose here. Accidentally on purpose. Here we go.

Todd, one star. I went to get breakfast on Sunday morning with our fiance and our three-year-old. Alright, that's a nice family outing. It was by far the worst experience at Tim Hortons I have ever had. How? Well, as soon as we walked in, two of the staff members were visibly in bad moods. Oh. Mm-hmm.

The gentleman with long hair preparing the donuts was dropping F-bombs and slamming stuff around. Like a child. Like, yeah. Or a guy maybe just burned himself or something. You don't fucking know what's going on back there. This type of behavior is unacceptable in front of anyone, but especially in front of my three-year-old. He's looking for some Timbits. I was going to feed my three-year-old something called Timbits and I'm offended.

I brought my kid to a place that has a euphemism for balls. Yeah, that's fine. This is out of line. When it was our time to order after a 15-minute wait, one group of two in front of us, the lady taking our order was extremely rude. We waited at the cast register with no acknowledgement that someone would be with us for a few minutes. And then I was the one asking how she was and her response was, what can I get you? He said, busy. I'm going to coach you through this interaction.

No, motherfucker, what do you want? What do you want? We placed our Timbit order. See? That's what I mean. Have more little Timbits, child. And it was told we could not order the ones we wanted even though they were in the display case.

Those aren't for you. Timbits are for closers. I'm sorry, you can't have that. What the fuck? You're going to have to see your bank account, sir. This is wild, man. You're going to have to run your credit first. The lady taking our order told us those were just display donuts. Yeah, they're probably lacquered or something. Yeah, they're not supposed to be. Maybe plastic. You don't know.

Yeah. But the previous party in front of us was able to order out of the display case. So the display only case. They were also out of hash browns but offered no other options for the meal we were ordering. We ended up leaving because of the lack of items and the rude customer service. We'll never go back to this location again. Again. Yeah. Nirav gives one star.

Very rude redheaded Karen working at the register Stay away Karen won't give me your timbits the redheaded fella lady watch us and then the white haired fella Watch out. Yeah, the white haired fella this fella y'all and everybody's got a Specific hair color here long hair red hair white hair That's what we got and then finally here. We go one star Saw two rats oh and the store does not take advantage of the local stray cat cat Population to get rid of them so you're angry that they're rats there

Or are you angry that they're not taking in stray cats? We need them to employ a cat to take care of this rat problem. Of course, then they're going to have to get a dog to get rid of the cat. And then after that, they're going to... Pretty soon there's going to be an elephant running from a rat. We just know how the story ends. We've all seen it. I don't know why she swallowed the fly. We've all seen that episode of Tom and Jerry, I think, haven't we?

Then it says, one of the employees even referred to one of the rats by name. Oh, it's a local. That's amazing. Ratatouille's here. That's the guy that makes the donuts, you guys. Yeah. Oh, no. Unless you know how to make the donuts.

He's off his shift, is the thing. He's running away. He says, quote, saying, quote, oh, there's scurry again. Scurry they call them. So they're scurry and bitey, I believe are the two rats. So I left in disgust and went to Wendy's for a baconator. Well, those are two very different experiences. Do I want coffee and a donut

or a 7,700 calorie fucking baconator? I want a sandwich called the Baconator at 8 AM. That's going to take me the fuck out. I saw a rat, so I want to die by noon. I like all my sandwiches to have threatening names. That's the other thing. I like that. But the fucked up thing is I'll eat a Baconator. Yeah, they're delicious. I've seen you eat one in a car while driving.

Not at the 830 in the fucking morning. I've seen you hold one in one hand with the steering wheel and the other. Just mash it through my face. Mashing it into your face. Fucking grease from the wrapper that you have also, smearing up on your glasses. I've seen it all, man. So we have no shame is what we're getting at. I'll eat the fuck out of a bacon here. Eight thirty in the morning is a fascinating time to be mentioned on one of those. It's wild. He's like, well, people eat bacon in the morning, fuck you. Getting that all over your keyboard? Jesus.

Jesus Christ. So finally here, let's do, we've had a wild day. We, we, I mean, let's, we went to the water park. We tried to have some fun. There was poop everywhere. We couldn't do that. We got covered in cum, which we didn't like. We got a rash going on now. And now, you know, we, we went here and we ate donuts. We ate a bunch of Tim bits. We've eaten a baconator at eight 30 in the morning. I know what we need now. Yeah. It's a workout. We're gonna eat a baconator at 830, James. We've eaten a baconator at 830 in the morning. I know what we need now. Yeah? It's a workout. We're gonna need a workout after all that because otherwise we're not long for this

world here. No. So we're going to Crunch Fitness in Hillsboro, which is actually in Tampa. Hillsboro is the street. It's a sunny climate gym for douchebags. For douchebags, okay. It's a sunny climate gym for douchebags. For, okay, it's a sunny, douchey gym. It's open 24 hours. Oh!

4340 West Hillsboro Avenue, Suite 600, Tampa, Florida. It describes itself as, I don't see the word douche in here, which is weird. No? But strange. Oh, there is, they do say something douchey though. Here we go. Right, Here we go

Crunch gym in Hillsboro, Florida Fuses fitness and fun through awesome group fitness classes miles of cardio Top-notch equipment and personal training all in month-to-month memberships Come back come check us out today and see how we keep it so fresh and so clean Fuck grunt it you oh my god Check us out today and see how we keep it so fresh and so clean. Fuck. Let's crunch it. You. Oh my God. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

Throwing out cast lyrical. What the fuck, David? They're aiming for a very specific person. Yeah. Oh, I can see the pictures of the employees here. They look like, even they look like douchebags. Yeah, they're looking for a 38 to 44 year old person. That's what they're looking at.

Who's a total douchebag. Yeah. And. Still has frosted tips. And still thinks that they're like, I'm a total douchebag. Yeah, and still has frosted tips and still thinks that they're like I'm gonna get chicks tonight Yeah, yeah, that's that guy. We're going riding. Let's go look for him Nathan five stars Yes with five s's really really. Yeah, so fresh and so clean. He might as well say What a great find I travel so Uh, what a great find. I travel sooooo much and finding the right gym, especially a 24 hour gym with knowledgeable

and friendly staff, isn't always easy. I appreciate the help Danny gave my son and I. My family live near this area so I will be back 100%. Ready to go. Sylvia Five Stars, visiting this gym have me so much energy and positive vibes that's what she says have being I guess gave is what she's going for the staff was very friendly which is much needed in a new place the dance class really excited me most and I have a few week I have a few week to try out before going to try out before going. To try out before going. This is a new location? I guess, I don't know.

Jesus. I love the atmosphere and the management team was very warning, I guess warming is what she's going for, and welcoming. New home, she says after that. Oh boy. My God. Gio, three stars. Good gym.

It's just annoying that a female... Female? Right away. By the way, guys, in case you don't know this, a little bit of advice... You fucking should. We shouldn't even have to say this. Don't call women females. They tend to not like it. No. If you're trying to get them to like you. Anyway, if you want to piss them off, female is fine. But if you're like, I want this girl to like me, you're a fine looking female to like you anyway, if you want to piss them off female is fine But if you're like I want this girl like me You're a fine-looking female isn't gonna do the trick if you're into women

Never again, you would enjoy to see one naked again never never call that the female is bad here It's just annoying that a female is in charge of cleaning the men's locker Yeah, that I mean say it that way buting, I guess if it's 24 hours, there's no like downtime. Yeah, there's no time for her to, she shouldn't. There's always gonna be fucking. That's management. A pendulum swinging.

They shouldn't be making her do that. No, because you'd have to put your dick away now when this lady comes in like, oh shit, now I gotta put my balls away, nobody wants that. I don't even go in the locker room because I don't wanna see the balls. That's what I mean, unless she's like, I keep my eyes, chest length, chest tight,

don't even worry about it. She's blind. Not even, a blind woman cleans the locker room because I don't wanna see the balls. That's what I mean, unless she's like, I keep my eyes at chest length, chest tight, don't even worry about it. She's blind. Not even, yeah, a blind woman cleans the locker. We are there to change clothes, take a shower, et cetera. Also, why clean at the busiest time of the day? Probably because that's when it gets the dirtiest, I would imagine.

Maybe that's how she likes it. Yeah, I think she likes looking at Dawn, I think is what you're talking about. If they made me clean the woman's Gym, I'd be going in on the busiest time of day. Sorry ladies. This is just terrible. I know Henry Says two stars one incident does not make or break a gym But definitely not what I expected from such a great gym.

Dot dot dot. Oh, this is ominous. What happened here? My son was murdered and fucking stuffed into one of the weight machines or something. I left my bag at my equipment, drank water. When I came back, another female member had taken it. Female, again, from Henry. Female member had taken it. Female again from Henry. Female member had taken it. I was respectful, let her finish her set, told her kindly I was

still using it but didn't mind working with her. I'll show you what to do. I'm going to work in with you. You do a set, I do a set. Work with her. You walked away man. He doesn't say work in and he said working with her So like I'm gonna show her what's up. Hey female. You need me to show you some shit after After I came back from another water break. She refused to let me work back in. Okay. Yeah, you're right

Even though I was on it first gave me no reason simply attitude You don't just get to meander around at the gym and just be like, all right, I'm going after you. Finish your set, then get water. When I'm done, yeah, you can't just keep wandering away and coming back. We don't know that you're going to get water and coming back. We have no idea.

You get up, that's it. That's fucking creepy. That's also weird. Yeah, I'm going to come over and work out with you, female. What do you think? Every three, sometimes every two sets, depends on what I want. Depends on what I feel like. I asked a facility worker, Salome is the name, to help or talk with her.

I quote, I don't want to start drama with a member. Is what I got back. Stayed at the front desk and refused to lift a finger. While he's lifting weights all day, can't't even lift his finger now, he's sore. One of the trainers was kind enough to help. She was new, told me the owner would call me the next day. No call, no apology, no resolution. What did you want?

What did you want? This lady slightly inconvenienced you for 12 minutes while you did something you knew that that could be the outcome of and you didn't. Yeah, and they tell you, we'll call you about it tomorrow, and then they don't call. What are they gonna do tomorrow? How injured were you by this?

What the fuck are we talking about, man? Christ. Don't work out in public. No call, no apology, no resolution. Yeah, how could you resolve something that already happened? One star here, showers have been closed due to remodeling for three weeks now. They did not notice their members in advance. I hate when someone doesn't notice me in advance. Facility is useless to me without the shower. Do you not own a shower at home?

You can't possibly go home and take a fucking shower. My three months is almost up and we'll pay a little more for a gym that has working machine Showers and management and trainers who value their members These reviews are disingenuous and fake comments are identical talking about cleanliness friendliness and mentioning specific trainers Probably because they say we get a bonus if we get a review where you mention us So if you could do that, so people do that all the time tell some some people it's clean too. Okay here's a couple where it gets a little wild. This person one star, this is a woman, this is the absolute worst crunch gym very misogynistic and very unprotective of women. Yeah everybody's

calling us females. Females get off my machine female. Also you have to go in the men's locker room to clean it. It's very weird. It's part of your membership. I am following up to my initial review where I was assaulted here by a Latino male gym member. I was told by the manager, Jesus, that I was not assaulted because it was not caught on camera.

It's not on camera. It didn't happen, female. The member broke the machine that I was on and nothing was done in consequence because he was still allowed back in the gym. Now they are further adding to my pain and suffering by making me come into the gym to cancel my membership where the same offender could be. Plus, keep in mind, this guy broke equipment and is still allowed to attend, so there's no accountability for violent members.

All of this because I did not want to share my workout machine with his sleazy girlfriend. Okay, now it's getting a little bit more. I thought he was trying to finger her in the gym. Right. No, no. His girlfriend was there. There was a confrontation. He got an argument.

And he fixed it. He came over and broke, broke the machine. I do not recommend this gym at all. Very unprofessional staff and customer service. They are saying I'm responsible for paying an entire year. $50. It's $50 a year? Who cares?

That's a bad gym. That's a terrible gym. Because I want to cancel due to not knowing when my membership would be restored. Basically, yeah. Basically threatening my credit because I don't want to attend a hostile gym environment. Except, oh my God, expect a hefty lawsuit. Oh my. Hefty.

I'm gonna sue over this. Very disgusting manager, Jesus, and then in case you were wondering, there's Jesus, there's a picture of Jesus. There's a picture of Jesus. Very disgusting manager, there he is. This is the most tedious tracksuit. And here's a picture of her very very disgusting manager areas There is And here's a picture of her talking to the police outside by the way

This is wild that she really did get the police involved Holy shit, so they say though that there's a response from the owner Saying we're sorry to hear how you feel this way about our gym, but we respectfully disagree with your review and your account of events. Management, we referred the review to management and they informed us that careful investigation of video footage, they determined there was no assault that took place while assuring us this incident had been appropriately addressed by management. So it was on camera and it didn't even happen. They were like, nope. Well then, and then it comes again though. This is, I mean, here's another by

the way, this picture that this person has on the bottom. It's Jesus. It's Jesus. It's his picture like from the gym site. Okay, yeah. So they have it. Okay, I one star, I was assaulted at this gym by this individual. Management has not been helpful and I have not heard anything back from corporate. This same male broke a machine when I was on it and the staff did not press charges. This is a different review from a different time. By the way, because the one was, yeah, this is different shit. This is, this is fucking wild.

They clearly condone violence. My membership was suspended without further notice. This is the second time I've been assaulted at a crunch franchise. They do not support black women as no investigation was conducted when I was assaulted by a black male at the crunch Amberley gym as well. The police are now involved. If you're a black woman, I would stay far away from this gym. Update. Oh, update. Here we go. Truly beware if you are physically assaulted by someone here. I just got off the phone with the incompetent manager,

Jesus, who needs to be fired. He is refusing to work with the police to identify this individual who caused me bruises by assaulting me at the gym. Holy shit. He said police has to contact corporate who doesn't even have an actual number. Refusing to cooperate with the police and allowing crimes at your establishment is absolutely disgusting.

Attend this gym at your own risk. I recommend carrying personal protection or finding a new gym. Carry a gun. Carry a gun for Jesus to come there. Go do burpees with a fucking sidearm And they had the exact cut and paste response to the other one real exact response exact were it's the exact same response word for word Just sorry. Yeah, no, we didn't see it Jenna gives one star. This place is more like a club than a gym

Yeah, that's there. Yeah big loud music all that shit a gym. Yeah. There you go. Big loud music, all that shit, bright colors. The music is so loud, Five-O's. I can't even hear my music through my headphones on full volume. Oh my God. Jesus, that's invasive. If I need to talk to someone, I have to yell. Yeah, I don't want night club gym.

No. Half the machines are out of service, yet you pay full service price. At any given time there's always three stair masters that are broken and countless treadmills. There's women that wear clothing that barely covers their nipples. Yeah that's a gym. Yeah she's like I don't like all these hot women around I think. This is really demeaning. I genuinely don't know how they allow that. I guess you get what you pay for with this gym There you go. It's a cheap gym. That's the one here one star from Paul

Here's a company that feels it's okay to have female employees enter a men's locker room at any time Here's a guy here's a guy he's gonna come up boom and he hits it Here's a guy. Here's a guy. Here's a guy. He's gonna come up, boom, and he hits him. Here he comes, right here, circle, there we go. Boom, there you go, right there. Here's a company letting girls in the locker room.

Here's a company letting females in the locker room. Pat, I don't know how you feel about that. Pat's somewhere all, I'm not sure, John. Yeah, boom, I got a boner. I'm not sure, John. Yeah, boom, I got a boner. I've had my ninth cocktail and at this point I only know football. That's Summerall's response. Boom, it's not real jizz. Boom, real jizz, all over your face.

But it's not, look at that. Boom, not real jizz, huh? Boom, it's cum with a K. Bye, John Madden's fake cum, come on. John Madden's cum in a can, you can get it, come on. It's better than that other stuff. It's the number one thing that's going to make you feel better. It's the number one thing that's going to make you feel better.

It's the number one thing that's going to make you feel better. It's the number one thing that's going to make you feel better. It's the number one thing that's going to make you feel better. It's the number one thing that's going to make you feel better. It's the number one thing that's going to make you feel better. It's the number one thing that's going to make you feel better. It's the number John Madden's coming to can you can get it come on. It's better than that other stuff. It's the number one synthetic scene, okay? One star bad location someone literally stole my weight belt while walking away from a machine for two seconds Yeah, it was the roosters. Yeah Yeah, they came and swiped it, took it away out in the street. Staff could care less about broken equipment, which is broke half the time you go in there.

Personal trainers are rude unless you pay them for training. Play Spanish music so loud you can't even hear your own music playing through your headphones. Ghetto gym, ghetto crowd. Yeah, we're playing fucking reggaeton over that shit, loud as shit, and you're like, I can't take it, this is like a club.

I'm trying to hear five finger death puns, I can't do this. They won't even fucking bleed through this shit. Jenny one star, this place is nice, but I became disabled and can't go to the gym anymore. Oh no. I've tried to get myself out of crunch since they still charged me since June.

I've been calling and no one could answer anything. Ask for manager Jesus. Don't do that. His response was to try to finger me, which I found was no. He told me to clean the locker room. Go clean. I was like, all right, I guess. Responses email him my name and number in a brief description.

I even sent hospital reports of what's happening. No response. And when you call them, they have to call corporate office but yet never get back to you. Again this week, I'm trying. Email me your name, number and a brief description. Of you, not of me. And like, you know, like what kind of sexual stuff you like, you know what I mean, like

what you're into. But play that you like, you know. Then they said they sent them to collections. Jesus. That's not terrific at all, obviously, I would say. That can ruin your life. That'll fuck you all up, man. Jesus Christ, so there's a lot of people

saying the same thing. Here is, it's clean, one star. It's clean, but the water fountain is always hot. Yeah. Management says that they'll fix it, but nothing's been done. And then an update months later, fountains are still hot. They're so warm. There's always warm water coming out of there. That's disgusting. Why can't they get a fucking... I don't know. That's ridiculous. Cooler of some sort? I don't know. Okay. Let's do one last one. William, one star. I've been coming to this gym for over a year now

and have never had a problem until today. Uh oh, what happened? I was working out and a trainer, Felix, came up to ask me about the kickoff session to which I said I wasn't interested in. He again asked me if I was interested in personal training and I said I wasn't interested. He was cordial and then I went about my workout.

After wiping down the leg press and letting the next person have it, I started to leave the gym. Felix chased me down as I was leaving and started verbally berating me that I didn't unrack the leg press. Someone was waiting for it and okayed me to not unracking it to them like they'll just take it from where I am type of thing. And that quote, you wouldn't leave your house a mess, why wouldn't you un-rack the weight? And then told me to go back and un-rack where someone was already using it. And then he started saying,

oh well, now someone else is using it. And started to aggressively insult me, yelling across the whole gym as I was walking out. Well luckily no one can hear you because there's da-bumpin' tip-bumpin' tip-bumpin' fuckin' yeah, too much ragged on for anyone. And rooster stealing belts. Yeah, there's a lot of that too.

Everyone in the staff outside has been great and super courteous. I was really taken aback by this experience. This is completely unacceptable and unprofessional behavior and I'm considering canceling my Crunch membership. I have never had such an experience in my several years of working out. And there we go, that is Crunch membership. I have never had such an experience in my several years of working out. And there we go, that is Crunch Jim.

And a goddamn mess. So, hope you. Why are douche gyms so much fun? They're so fun to talk about, because it's douche people complaining about other douches, which is hilarious. So, yeah, we have poop water, we have fake, authentically tasting jizz.

Didn't know it was a necessity in the marketplace, but there it is. That's it, we're playing with our tin bits, and finally we had to go to the gym and get yelled at by a fucking Felix. So there you go, don't bother Hey-Sue switch your bullshit and give a review if you have not done it yet. Please get on whatever app you're on, give us a review. Don't try to be funny and give us one star. So we'll read it, because we won't.

We actually, it actually fucks our business here up. So give us five stars, say something nice, do that. Also tell your friends, follow on social media, check out those Facebook groups where people talk about the show all the time and post reviews of their own and all sorts of cool shit. So keep doing that, listen to our other two shows, Small Town Murder and Crime in Sports, and go over to

ShutUpAndGiveMeMurder.com if you want more about all the shows and all of our info and everything like that. But until next week everybody, it's been our pleasure. We've had a good time. See you then. Bye! Follow your stupid opinions on the Wondery app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Your Stupid Opinions ad free by joining Wondery Plus in the world.