Your Stupid Opinions - How Not To Handle Your Meat, A Weird Roller Experience, County Fair Of Lies

Episode Date: May 25, 2026

More of the funniest reviews on the internet! We read reviews for a county fair, where people feel it's not quite up to standard for a wedding, and they may throw you out, after "making up lies" about you. A roller rink in West Virginia, where the complaints all seem to center around the owner, who people insist is very "weird". An IHOP, that proves that you shouldn't order more than one meat in your omelette & much more!!   Join comedians James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section!   Subscribe, and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!! Dont forget to rate & review!!   Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for merch & more Check out James & Jimmie's other podcasts, Small Town Murder & Crime In Sports on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!!

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to your stupid opinions. Hey. Hey there. Thank you so much for joining us today on another day of opinions from people that we don't want to meet. Yeah. About places we probably don't want to go. That's the greatest thing in the world, just listening to people, bitch, and then making fun of them for it.

It's the best we love it. Head over to shut up and give me murder.com, by the way. That's the website. We have all sorts of merch and all sorts of cool stuff there. And also listen to Small Town Murder while you're at it. We're watching on Netflix if you want, either or. And also listen to crime and sports. Do all that stuff.

Keep hanging out with us. We can keep you going like pretty much all week. Sure. We've got tons of stuff. Every day. Every day. So keep hanging out with us and doing that. That said, we're going to dive on in here. And we are going back to the Bonn-Orient buffet in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

Did you do it? the, uh, did I do what? What do you think? Did you go get yourself a buffet? Of course. Of course. What, what could I, could I possibly not? Yeah.

How couldn't I do that? I damn did it. I needed as much, as much beef and broccoli as I could possibly stomach and they needed to be available. So much orange chicken. Oh, yeah. And then I got, uh, have you, I didn't know that poo poo platter was a, I thought that was like a joke. Oh, literally. Like a 70s joke?

No, that's a thing. Yeah, that's a thing. P-U. P-U. Yeah, yeah, the poo-poo flatter. Yeah. I thought it was spelled different. No, every Chinese fucking menu on earth has that.

Well, although old school one. In New York, in Arizona, you're right. They don't really have that kind of old-school shit on there. It's more like the New York ones that have that. It is funny that they call it that because it's just a bunch of different shit. It's a bunch of different shit. It's a bunch of different shit. It's just to poo-poot all around that place.

Like an animal does, dropping, it's everywhere. It's very funny. Now, we heard, we got a lot of, of feedback from doing the first half of these reviews last week from people in Green Bay that were saying this place was the Chinese joint in Green Bay. It was the jam? It was the jam for a long time. Like Green Bay, like several people said, we don't really have a lot of ethnic foods here in Green Bay. Is that right? So when the Bonn... Most broths. Is that they're saying? When the Bonn-Orient buffet open, it was like, oh, my people were fucking all over it. Because they just were like, oh, boy, I heard tell of a, a, of, a, food from China. You know, like, they were really... Half French name.

I hear there's poo-poo, but you can eat it. It's wild. I don't know why I'm giving them southern accents and Green Bay, but there you go. It's just white people. It's just very white people. So let's jump back with Dan, one star. Okay, stopped here. The food was dried out due to likely sitting under the heat lamps for hours.

It seems to be a common complaint. Hours. Worst part was men's restroom, which was absolutely. disgusting, one of the dirtiest I've ever been in. Oh. Smelled like an outhouse. All of the urinals were overflowing with yellow urine. Yellow urine.

Yellow urine. This was somebody wasn't even drinking enough water. It was just really. A whole bunch of dehydrated folks. Dehydrated people pissing to an overflow extent. That is gross. Every surface sticky, dirty, and gross, including sink, soap, paper, towel, dispenser, etc. kind of makes you wonder what the kitchen looks like.

Yeah. How long were you in the restroom? Definitely. Well, those are over here. Nope, dirty. The sink, the soap, the paper towels are all things you'd go for if you wash your hands. That's three things. Yeah, that definitely won't be eating here again.

Yeah, general rule of thumb for restaurants is whatever the bathroom looks like, the kitchen's worse. It's worse. So they let you see the bathroom, as Anthony Bourdain says. That that you're allowed to see. So you know the kitchen's bad. Okay. Risa, or Rissa, probably Rissa, one star. If I could, I would give this place zero stars.

That's close. It's almost. The right sentiment. You've got the, you're in the ballpark. The food was old and cold. Okay. Old and cold. Old and cold.

My noodles were ice cold. The food tasted greasy. Tasted greasy. Tasted. It was greasy. Anybody in Green Bay knows. or grease taste. Oh, they know it. They've felt it. It was all caps, three exclamation points, horrible. Oh, okay. I don't know how this place is still in business, question mark. I had to try to give it an inflection, but I'm sick, so it was hard to get up. My voice, it was hard to even get up an octave.

It's very funny that they made it a question. I don't know how this place is still in business. We went around dinner time too And barely and barely and food was out I think barely any is what they're going for Yeah, barely any food was out Ended up leaving and going somewhere else Which seems to be very common here People arrive and don't leave full from a buffet

Enigma one star Oh boy, let's see if this person can give a coherent statement With the name like Enigma The place was very short. shabby, or is it going to be a mystery wrapped in a riddle? We don't know. This place was very shabby. Seemingly, only one person working there, and the food quality that was on par, was that

on par with nightmare school food? What school do you get Chinese food? That sounds awesome. We didn't get that. That square pizza with chips of pepperoni on it. Fucking chicken patty. Remember those shitty chicken patties or, you know, crap like that? I can't really think about, I can't.

We had taco salads, but you had to pay for those. We had bad tacos that all the grease would pour out of. Yeah. How was that? We had those. We had elementary school pizza rolls, which was not a pizza roll. Oh, really? No, no, no.

Not a tootinos. Not a pizza roll. It was a half a hamburger bun with a piece of American cheese on it with some red sauce on top. That was a pizza roll. Yeah, it was disgusting. That's a ketchup sandwich, man. And the cheese was like, no. really melted too. It was fucking bad. American? It was like a yellow school cheese. It was the

yellow, you know, surplus school cheese that they had. There's no, like, they don't have, there's no Swiss at school. There's nothing pizza about this. We got yellow. What kind of cheese is that? Yellow. That's it. It's just a block of that shit. He got a cheeseburger with pizza sauce and no burger. Just a little bit of sauce on it. And we love that shit in third grade. We're like, oh, it's pizza all day. I'm getting double. Fucking, I'm breaking out an extra $0. My daughter gets, she tells me. Oh, now it's elaborate.

Well, they have like fast food and shit, too. The bar, Balco, there's something, something bar and it's just like a cheese bread thing that, it sounds like prison food every time. That sounds awful. Well, it's the same quality. Literally the same trucks go from prisons to schools. To school. It's the same quality food. It's awful.

Okay. This person, uh, on par with school food. I looked at most of the selection there. And one of the trays was just dried out noodles and veggies. I only felt comfortable getting crab rangoons and sweet and sour chicken. No cream cheese in the rangoons, let alone any crab. What the fuck was in there then? What is that?

That's all it is, is cream cheese and crab. It's literally all that's inside of it. I got a cheeseburger. No cheese or beef, but I mean, I guess so you just got a bun? You just a fried wrapper? You just got breading? Yeah. Just a fried?

wrapper, okay. The chicken was on par with jerky almost. Was it worth $12? Not at all. 12 bucks for a buffet that's, I mean, it's just shriveled shit. It's shriveled shit, but that's what I would expect for a $12 buffet. I can eat all I can for $12 in the modern age. That's crazy. Not at all. There was a habachi grill, but sadly was not there for it. I guess it wasn't operating at the time. For all I know, it could have been a bad, time eating there or it is just that lackluster. Oh, boy. It's lackluster.

All right. Hala, Hala, one star. Please do not let the gallery they have on their website fool you, meaning pictures. If you Google the Bon Orient Express, Bonoian, whatever the fuck buffet and you do the images, it's all real nice looking stuff. The restaurant looks terrific. None of the bad pictures make it on to there. None of the pictures of their dishes are in the restaurant. No sushi, no great desserts, no crab legs, et cetera.

We got there at seven and the habachi grill was closed. Already? Two exclamation points. Pans were all empty. Wow. It's all over. The beef was very chewy. The baby shrimp was very bland.

You're eating shellfish from this joint? That's crazy. That is brave. I can't put they're eating crab rangoons. That's balls in, too. Even though it's not even real crab, I'm sure. Yeah, that's what I figure it's fake crab, so that's fine. It's made out of like soy.

I can't hurt you. You could leave that with sun for six months. Is that what fake crab is, soy? Some shit like that. Or is it that or is it like other fish that they just press? I think that's what it is. It's probably pressed shit into a stick, right? Pressed fish ends and they put some red dye on it so it looks like crab on the outside.

Run some strips on it and all the good. That's probably what it is, yeah. I will say that their egg rolls, spring rolls, and green beans were good. That's pretty much it. Okay. That's not bad. At least egg rolls are good. People delight.

Yeah. Kate, one star. Food was old and dried out. No choices at all. Never saw any wait staff other than to take your hour money or to, quote, freshen up the buffet and then parentheses, yuck. Yuck. Yuck. General Soes was a hush puppies and sauce.

That doesn't seem right. Seems like there should be chicken in there. General Soes is chicken, right? Chicken with some shit on the outside, but there's chicken in there somewhere. Something that once had a heartbeat is in there somewhere, I feel like. Hush puppies is just flour and season. It's just a cornmeal, isn't it? Yeah.

Some shit like that. Is it flour? Yeah, I don't know what it is. It's a batter. It's a batter of some kind, but I'm not a, that's. That they have like a little wheel that has the machine and like makes a glop like around and drops it into oil. I am not the guy to ask.

I literally did not know what a, that a hush puppy existed other than a shoe and until I was 18 years old and drove cross-country and stopped at a diner in Oklahoma. And we were like, what the fuck is hush puppies when we were looking at the dinners in Oklahoma have them? Yeah. I said, what the fuck is a hush puppy? And they were like, oh, little balls of thing. You got to have them. We were like, okay.

She was so, no, the waitress gave us a free plate of hush puppies because we never had them before. And they were so, like, amazed that we've never had hush puppies that we needed to eat them in their presence to see if we liked them. And they were good. They were fucking balls of dough. They were delicious. Who cares? You never eaten at Long John Silvers? They didn't have it in New York.

This was when I was dropping out to Arizona. How about that? I would have eventually run into them because I love those fried clam strips and shit from Long John Silver. That's where I had them. I wouldn't have known what they were. Yeah. Unless this waitress explained it. They are the second best thing on a Long John Silver's menu or whatever fucking cat and D's or whatever the fuck.

Whatever horseshit. Shit chain it is, named whatever. Yeah. But it's the fried chicken, those hush puppies, then the fish. Yeah, those clams strips. I'll eat the shit out of those things. Yeah, they're pretty good, too. Yeah, they're probably third.

They're fucking good, those clams strips. I could eat those by a ton. That's probably not a clam, right? I don't care. I assume it's testicle meat, but I'm eating it. It's chewy. I barely believe that's chicken. Yeah, I don't think it's.

Let's not go crazy trying to identify animals here. What are we zoologists or are we hungry? Come on. What are we doing? I'm hungry. The breading is the shit that's. That's amazing at Long Jones. That's what makes it sell.

So, yeah, General So is an embarrassment. Saw them putting out new sauce in a clean pan just to dump the old dried out food into it. What is this? Okay. Oh, the General So sauce sauce. That's when we were done eating. Worst food of any kind I've ever had. Worst food of any kind I've ever had.

Of any kind. This person's eaten presumably three times a day for however many years we're talking about here. They're an adult going out. That's when we, so I assume a couple. We'll say 25 at least. How many days is that? You've eaten a lot of food. This is the worst food of any kind. Just by the, just by sheer math. This is the worst? This is the worst? Well, we'll never eat there again. I guess not. Sarah one star. Food was undercooked, unseasoned, and poor quality. We called the restaurant to see if we could be refunded or get better quality food. and we were met with an employee who seemed not to know where she was. Okay.

You call the Chinese restaurant to have a long conversation? You're brave. I don't know. It's hard to order sometimes. You know what I mean? From some restaurants, you're like, it's very difficult on the phone. Things are loud and clattering. But she didn't know where she was.

Apparently didn't know where she was. She said, Sonoko. And they were like, no, you're the Chinese restaurant. She was like, oh, yeah. My bad. Bon or you. Long John. We asked for a manager and was told that she couldn't be given the phone.

Unacceptable. I hope the health department decides to do a wellness check on this cesspool. Never again. I love that phrasing, wellness check. Make sure no one's dead in there. Yeah, I don't know what to say about that. If you go to a buffet, you get what you get, and, you know, it's it. You walk out, you pay your 12 bucks, and you go, well, took a chance.

That sucked, and I should have known better. Jamie one star The food selection was horrible for the price That had to be paid I don't know why That's so funny The price that had to be paid We had to kill one of our children

To be able to eat here It was a high price It would stop after the price The price that had to be paid Makes it sell like an action movie now Yeah The food was Give me back my son

Give me back my son That is insane dude The food Jean-Claude van Dam is going to come kick you over the buffet, I feel like. The food was also visually unappealing and the best dish offered were the store bought sugar cookies.

When I voiced my unpleasant opinion and asked for a discount, I was denied. Nobody make the mistake I did by taking your family to eat there. They really, that's basically like the voiceover for an action movie trailer. Yeah.

That's crazy. In a world. They went too far. Next up, Killjoy. Oh, this should be good. One star. Food was absolutely bland and disgusting. Came in for lunch and felt like I was eating yesterday's leftovers. Hey, news flash.

You probably were. It was bland but disgusting. There was no flavor. It was gross. But still gross somehow, which is impressive. I don't know how you do that. That's pretty good. Half the food was swimming in some kind of watered down liquid,

and the other half is dry beyond belief. Dishes that should be crispy were soggy. I couldn't even manage to choke down meal. Will not be coming here again and telling everyone what gross food they serve is the only way I feel that it was worth paying for what I did for the displeasure. All the food's opposite. This one should be dry. It's wet. This one should be wet.

It's right. It's perfect. What was that show or, God damn it, I can't remember. Fuck, never mind now. This is somebody sitting in a barber chair. They were making fun of somebody. he says, make it long in all the short places and short in all the long places. And that was his instruction to the barber about to cut his hair.

I can't remember. That's very funny. But it's very funny. Anyway, so yeah, shit should be crispy. His soggy. Sogy things are crispy, which is really strange. I like that by telling everyone what gross food they have is the only way they can, like, the universe can replenish his soul for what he's lost here, which is so funny.

The fortune cookie was stale to top it off. Can't even get a fortune cookie right? That's not fair. That's in a packet. How does the fortune cookie get stale? They bought it in bulk in like 1987. That's the problem. Gabriel one star, small selection, cold food, and a nasty girl at the counter.

Nasty girl. And she's nasty, yeah. We usually go to the buffet on the east side, but decided to try this one because we haven't been here in years. and we thought maybe their selection was better than it used to be, and we thought we'd give it a try. Do you really need that much explanation of why you went to a... We went to the buffet is plenty. I don't care where you've been, where you're going.

I don't care if you're... Here you go again on your own. I don't give a shit. This is ridiculous. Fucking tell me what you want to do here. We were absolutely wrong. This place is run down. The lady at the front counter had this horrible attitude.

I will never go back. The only positive thing... about the place was the server was pretty sweet. Oh, okay. Now, if she was sitting at the counter, that would have changed my entire experience. Some advice for you, get rid of that nasty lady and your business would grow. I don't hear anything really about the food, though. There was no hard.

It was run down, but they didn't say the food was bad. Oh, my goodness. Jesus, this is insane. Okay, Troy has a lot to say about this buffet. I'm going to bust through this quick here. One star. come in here all the time. Right in it.

Right inside. That's where I do it. Very gross. Very gross. This was the worst experience ever. Yeah? Paid more for a buffet because it's the weekend rate. The buffet had no egg fuyung.

How dare they not have eggs food? Chinese food is the most fascinating because there are all of these names for dishes, and I don't know what any of them are. Like, I don't know what pad Thai is. I don't know what Egg Fu Young is. I don't know what, oh, is it? Pat Thai is Thai food, yeah. Asian food.

They all have, I don't know what General So's chicken is. I don't even know if orange chicken has fucking oranges in it. It does. As a matter of fact, it does. That's some thick-ass orange juice. It's not supposed to be like cough syrup. It's not supposed to be like that. No, no.

It's supposed to be, yeah, that nuclear shit is a different thing. I don't think, and I don't think orange chicken really exists in China in that matter of, you know, fried balls of chicken and a sweet sauce that tastes like gum. And I don't know what chalmain is because I've been to the shop stuff. Yeah, my mom used to bring home, she'd call it chowmaine for chowmaine noodles. And it was that crispy shit that goes on top. She would call that chowmaine. So I don't even know what the fuck it is. Jimmy needs a class in Chinese cookery real quick.

I just need Asian culture. Take Jimmy over to the community college and get him a class on Chinese cookery, just a 101 to give him a cursory understanding of what's going on here. I'm here for Asian culture, just the culinary. Just want to know the food. I don't really care about anything else. Just so I can order. If you want to tell me about the wall while I'm cooking something, that's fine. But otherwise, I don't care.

I assume egg fu young has egg in it. That's how I'm going to go out on a limine. You'd think so. Egg fu young is one of those. I think that's like a fried like a, not a like a round like a, not a, not a. a patty. The piece of something? Like a, like a, almost like a hash brown type thing.

Something pressed? Yeah, like a pressed patty of some kind. Okay. Sesame chicken, orange chicken, sweet and sour chicken, available on the buffet. So they didn't have any of those things. None of the chickens or egg fu young. None of it. No, egg fu young's one of those like old things, too, that's like in the 60s,

people ordered that at Chinese restaurants. Nobody really orders that anymore, I don't think. Is General Tso a real person? He's got to be, right? I doubt it. This is his favorite dish. He just is very spicy man. Very angry fella.

Nothing but empty trays. The beef and broccoli only had broccoli. Well, then it's just broccoli. It's not beef and broccoli. By definition. If they're going to charge full price for a buffet, then all the items should be available. There must, what?

There must owe Lynn one person today. Lynn, L-Y-N-N-E, I guess must have been, maybe. One person working today is the guy that checks us in, is not around. There are 10 seats, six tables full of dirty dishes that have not been cleaned off.

This is the part. You want to gag? Yeah. Here it comes, Jimmy. I can't even get another glass of milk because no one is present. Oh, my God.

You drink milk with Chinese food. You're washing down... I will not abide that at all. You're washing down bang, bang, chicken with milk? We're done. We're done with this fucking.

fucking review? Because I don't care what anyone says who drinks chicken, who eats fucking milk with a Chinese buffet. I don't care what you say about anything. Your review is over. Firecracker chicken with milk. Milk. He wanted fucking general soes with milk.

Let me get an egg fu young and milk, please, is what he wanted. Hi, can I get a milk? And where is the egg fu young? God damn it. Who gives the shit? You just ask for milk. Yeah, you don't want to be here. Okay.

Jay, one star. I wish it was better. I like when people do that. Hey, I wish it was better. I wish the people there cared about the food and the customers. Instead, employees seem to play games on their phone while the food is dry and the restaurant's dirty. If you enjoy spending your afternoon in a bathroom, this is the place to eat. Okay.

Because you're going to shit yourself, I think, here. Oh, this is fun. Chad, one star. Try not to trust anyone named Chad, but I'm going to see if we can... Especially adults, yeah. Yeah, adults named Chad. By adulthood. you should be going by your middle name if your first name's Chad.

Yeah, yeah, Chad, there's no, there shouldn't be any Chad's over the age of 27, I think. There's a few names like that where you're like, really? Still going by that? Okay. So the food wasn't very good, but that is nothing compared with the health code violations I witnessed while trying to eat. A man handled money, then food without washing hands or putting on gloves, and he also ate out of a container, then rinsed it out in a handwashing, before putting it on a stack of dishes in the dining area. I will not return again.

That's gross. That is pretty gross. Yeah, that's why I'm not drinking milk from there, too. It's like a man drank milk. The man drank milk, for Christ's sake. I can't deal with it. Alex, one star. The food was dry and tasted of nothing.

I can't think of a thing I enjoyed from the buffet. From the decor to the food, it overall just sucks. The decor, too. The decor. I really care about the decor in a Chinese buffet. The shit on the walls sucks, too. Yeah. It's the same decor in every Chinese buffet.

Yeah. All the same. At least they cleared my massive amounts of wasted food in a decent matter of time. Chad, again, another Chad. Jesus, Green Bay. One star. Absolutely the worst Chinese food I ever had. Oh, ever.

Chad does this a lot. I thought there was one, Chad. Damn it, yeah. Got the shrimp. Tasted like the can. salad shrimp they used. I couldn't eat it. Tried feeding it to my dogs. They didn't like it either. That's what I get for getting takeout in a sealed bag.

Well, if it smells like fish, your dogs will scrunch that. Yeah, that's... They're going to eat that so fast. Frankie will not eat a shrimp of any nature. No? It's so weird. She puts it in the mouth. Only shrimp. She'll eat anything else. She'll eat anything else. She'll kill something and eat it in the lawn. But she'll will not eat...

You put a shrimp in her mouth. She'll take it politely, put it over and just drop it on the ground. Drop it on the floor. No interest in it. That's where that goes. I don't know what that's about, but I don't want everything else on earth she'll eat except a shrimp. Wow. It's very strange.

My dogs, if it's, if it was alive, it will disappear in a second. Yeah. Otherwise, I've seen her, I mean, she ate a whole giant flank steak in one bite. She just swallowed it. I mean, she'll eat anything with a shrimp. She's like, nope, that's what's the strangest thing in the world. It's so weird. All right, let's wrap this up with the Chinese food.

Christine One Star, all caps is the opening sentence. Bad, very, very bad. Your stomach, too, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. Sure it feels very, very bad. Very, very bad. Hey, everybody, just going to take a quick break from the show to tell you about Ernin. Oh, that app, Ernin.

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Used the bathroom and the smell of bleach was so strong I could hardly breathe. Well, that's better than shit. Bleach is killing germs. Or bleach smell, fish taste? This is so bad. That's not good at all. Made me wonder what they had, what they had, they had to disinfect. Okay.

The only reason I gave one star is because I thought I had to rate so I could leave a comment. And then finally, all caps. Bad, bad place. She's like she's traumatized. Bad, bad, bad, bad. Just bad. Bad place. Bad place.

Okay. Finally, T-Bair, one star. I'd give it zero stars if I could. Close enough. Hey, not bad. We'll take it. Cold, oily food and watered down soda. I feel like I wasted my money completely.

Never again. I've swallowed back my own vomit and it tasted better. Jesus Christ. Place is a joke. It's a joke. Okay. Jesus, somebody says that they saw the server pick food off the floor and put it back to be served. By the way, that is, that's a different type of thing there.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You know what? Since we're all full of Chinese food. Oh, Jesus. Protein running through our systems. I got a lot of energy, Jimmy.

I need to move. Oh, we're going to go move. We're going to move. Let's go roller skating. What do you say? It's roller skate time again, everybody. Where are we going? The Rollerama skate.

Where's that? Rollerrama. It is at 137th Avenue, Huntington, West Virginia. Yeah. Oh, here we go. This is going to be. They've got a good. Sweet spot.

Those people are so backwards. I'm surprised they have the wheel, James. It's shocking. These roller skates still have like metal wheels, though. They haven't figured out ball bearings. Yeah, and they're not really round. It's a little lumpy, but that's okay. Now, this has 4.1 stars this joint.

All right, let's find out what people think here. All right, five stars from Brianna. Yeah. Let's see what Brianna thinks. I love going here. It's so fun and you meet a lot of people. Okay. Okay.

This is her nightclub. How old are you? Right? I hope young. I hope 13. You know, I meet kids from different schools. Meeting 13 year olds. Yeah, that would be good. I hope they're 13 year olds. Fingers gross. Yeah. It's always clean and kept up definitely worth going. Plus the food is always good. The food is a skating rink. We've never heard that's any good. It always sucks. You expect it to suck. Yeah. It's usually frozen pizza. Yeah. Anything skating, bowling alleys, anywhere where you're kind of stuck there, there's no other food. It's going to suck. It's already prepared and frozen. That's one. And then the other one is deep fried.

Yep. Stormy to five stars. Okay. We just had my daughter's seventh birthday there. She loved it. We paid the extra for them to take care of the food and decor, which was a huge weight off of me. I am lazy. Let me tell you.

I can handle driving to the roller skating rink. That is the only effort I can put into my daughter's birthday. I cannot possibly go down the party store aisle at fucking. That fucking Walmart. I couldn't order three pizzas to be there. I could not possibly make a phone call and say, please, seven balloons, one with a number seven. Please do that. God, all we had to do was walk in with the cake.

She, her friends and family had a great time. It was so much fun to watch some family members attempt to skate after many years. Grandma broke her pelvis. It was hilarious. So much fun. Uncle Herb snapped his fever in half. It was amazing. We just laughed and laughed.

So funny to watch elderly people on wheels. Try to roller skate again. Imagine chasing elderly. Oh, God, Jesus, you'd be like, please don't fall down. Let's not end this day at the hospital, please. There's going to be a fucking MetaVac unit here any minute if this happened. I enjoyed doing it the one time I went with my kids. Just watching their face when they see me do it and they couldn't.

It felt so good. So good. To be able to kick their ass at something handily. Cut to a half hour later. And they're like skating circles around you, heckling you, throwing shit at you. You're going, guys, just stop. Just leave me alone. They're like, oh, who's fucking laughing now, asshole?

I dropped them off at their moms that night, and I came home to take lots of aspirin. Yeah, I bet. For your sore thighs. I'm bending your knees. My aching lower back. Joey, three stars. fun, but the floor is horrible. There are holes in the floor.

Oh, Jesus. So if you go, be careful, I would say you're going to launch and fall on the floor. Other than that, or other than the floor, it's a pretty fun place. So yeah. How can you? So, yeah, this is how he ends it. No, no. On a roller skating service that it has holes in it.

I don't know. I guess you've got to figure out where the holes are on the first run around, go slow, and then pick up more speed, knowing where the good lanes are. I don't know. Recounted out like a qualifying. lap of Daytona? Absolutely. I can do some recon on it.

Like it's, yeah, oh, that left hair, that turn up there. I'm telling you, it's a different angle of the others. Watch out. I don't ride Supercross. I don't need to see where the triples at. Let me check the berms real quick. I'll be right back. Just fucking run out, come back.

It's a good track, but the whoops says that section's care. You got to be real careful. Real weird. Kenny, three stars. My kids like it, but the hours are okay. and you can and you can only use hoverboards on Wednesday. Hoverboards?

Hoverboards? It's not a hoverboard rink. It's a fucking roller skit. Why are they allowing this? What is that? I wish hoverboards was allowed all times, but then again, it is a skate rink. Holy shit.

It's not a hoverboards. No. Okay. Jared, one star. Here we go. Very rude, five exclamation points. Okay. Yes, I hate that they call them hoverboards.

You are. not hovering. You're on wheels. It's so stupid. Why do they call it that? Because people, because it's cooler if it's a hoverboard. Because they want it to be a hoverboard. It's not a hoverboard. It's just not. No, we cannot catch up to Back to the Future too. No. That was 2015 and we're far behind. We're not going to have, we're not going to have moon boots that. We're not. They could have them. If they really wanted them, we could have them. If people, if that was a priority, we could have these things. But it's not. Nobody's working on that. Because if they did do it, they'd want a million dollars a pair.

Tell you what, let's give up on society and just concentrate on hover boots. Hoverboards and mood boots or whatever the fuck. Fuck cancer. We don't have to, we're done with that. Let's all just give up. You know what I mean? We tried.

We didn't do anything well. Hungry kids, they're hungry. I'm sorry. I need a hoverboard. Give them a hoverboard. That's a great point. We can't feed motherfuckers and people want hoverboards. Yeah, this is what I mean.

Hoverboards. Yeah, I'm obviously being facetious, clearly. Clearly, I think that we should concentrate on cancer, but, you know, hoverboards. I would like a hoverboard, though. That is fun. But maybe we'd just feed people first. Probably. That's crazy.

Let's get there. Okay. Jared, one star. Very rude, like I said. Owner and employee are dictators and not very fake friendly. Oh. Okay. The women is absolutely rude.

The women is. The women is. All of them. One women. One women. They stack parties on top of each other, so you don't even get two full hours for over $200. We were let in at exactly five to set up. We were told how to do our party, all caps, rushed through the whole thing, then shuffled out the door by 645.

Holes in the skating floor and not the traditional H-O-E holes, W-H-O-E holes in the floor. Watch out for those. holes, floors. Holes. And continued advertising during the party, not satisfied at all, then all caps, we will never go back and do not recommend with seven exclamation points. Oh, boy. Skaterrama's owner has a reply. And this is where...

Fantastic. This is where we're going to get... What is it about these fucking roller skating rinks where the owner is always someone who can't help but reply to everything? Why is? Why is that? I don't know what it is about. Well, it's because... It's so hard to run a rink, James. And if you just keep getting negative publicity, you got to fight back.

We can't have it. Okay. So let me understand is how he starts it, which I love that. You came in, signed a contract that explain how our parties work since they are actually private, not shared, had no problem agreeing to everything when we explained how it literally will go verbally and gave you a copy. As guests left, they complimented how well the party was ran. Oh. Not run, ran. So now it's a problem after we did exactly what we said we would do, even after you read the rules.

And even after we said and even after we never said told anyone to hurry up, help me understand we would like to do better. If your thing is you needed more time, we offer longer parties. You just have to pay for the time for we are here. for a profit, not a freebie. You fucking mooch. And yes, your party wasn't the only one of the day. It's how you make money staying busy. Okay, this is a businessman.

Wow. Okay. As you can tell, his replies are always real customer-oriented. Yeah. You like it? You want one that's to your liking. You build it. That's what he's basically saying.

Jacqueline, one star. Owner has to have, and then all caps, all control. Oh, boy. It's kind of weird, honestly. Keep track of the word weird and how often the word weird is used from years of reviews

of all different stripes of people. It's interesting. It's kind of weird, honestly. They are also very rude. It's hot and holes are in the floor. And when they do the, quote, glow skate, that means all lights off with tiny glow sticks.

Like that's safe. You can't do that way. There's holes in the floor. Shut the lights off. What? Now they're... That sounds like some kind of like... Torture.

Like initiation for something. That's crazy. I want to shut the music off and just hear the kids tumble every seven seconds. There's another one. What the fuck? Wow. Okay. There's a response from the owner.

Yeah. Okay. Hey. Thank you for pointing out for everyone. We have rules and since we have been in business since 1962. That means we know what we are doing. Okay. And the skating rink isn't just a place to come, quote, wild out.

What the fuck? That's news to me because as a kid, that's where everybody wild out. Yeah. It's not a hell if I put it in quotes. It's not a place to quote, quote, wild out. Yeah, that's what you do. You're on wheels for Christ's sake. What do you expect people?

Yeah. Hey, button up, asshole. You're on wheels. Keep it real calm. It's, no, you got to. No, we're wilding out around you. Yeah. So, yes, we run things like a business and are on a schedule and that there and that there are rules like all business have.

Okay. All business have. All business have. Uh, Isabelle, one star. I do not like leaving reviews. No. By the way, like this is their only. review on Google. There's one review.

They don't like it. I don't like it. I personally think it's irrelevant and a waste of time. Yes, that's why we do this show. Because who the fuck would take the time to fucking type all the shit out all the time? All this shit. Your experience is irrelevant. I mean, Isabelle should be a listener because I think she would

enjoy this. Okay, I'm easygoing and genuinely dislike the whole let me speak to your manager attitude. Dot, dot, dot. But the staff here is So weird. Again.

Staff's weird now. Weird. That's what they said before, too. The staff was weird. They ask me, they ask invasive questions about you and your children's business. What? What business are you in with your child? Or you mean, then you're all up in your, but what questions?

They make you feel like you're incapable of taking care of the children you're with. Asking things like, are you sure that the car they're getting into is safe? What? We arrived here in it. so I assume so. What kind of question is that? Or are you sure these kids are yours? You look far too young to have children.

Okay, that's called flirting. That's called flirting. Yeah, that's called flirting. That's gross. That's, yeah. One kid even got hurt, and they refused to give ice or anything like that. They won't fix their floors. They always rip people off of their money.

Rip them off of their money. They're sitting on their money, and they rip you right off of it. Can I get right off of that, please. Wow. Their policies are always changing and everything about this place is a letdown. Big thumbs down. Oh, man. And then Rollerama skate owner has a reply. And by the way, this is from three years ago. The replies get progressively nastier as time goes by. Like all the real nasty ones like, oh, years, blah, blah, blah. They all come from like the last year or two. They really get nasty. They're evolving into the real internet troll they want to be. Yeah, he said, fuck it. Fuck these people. He's angry.

He hates his business, hates the people, it seems like, because this one is, hello there. Can you call us and talk to us about this? You seem, S-E-A-M. You seem to have a concern, and we're all fixing, we're all for fixing them, and then gives a phone number. So that's a normal reply. Hey, let's hear more about your complaint.

Here's one star. I had never been to a rollerrama, but always heard good things about it growing up. That's where everyone always had their parties. Not sure if it's under new ownership or what, but we had the most ridiculous experience ever. I will never spend another dime there, exclamation. So many rules can't bring your own balloons, can't bring your own ice cream. You've got to buy their $12 tub. Can't share skate helpers, those little walker things that kids get.

in which you pay $5 for, or they take them and won't give them back. You can't share it. Now nobody gets it. Yeah. It's not for both of you. It's for one of you. Now nobody gets it. I mean, we're talking about little kids who don't understand that,

actually who doesn't understand that concept because it is West Virginia. There are so many things that happen there that I could write so much. Don't waste your money. I wouldn't even have given them one-star review. had I not chosen, had I, what, had I not had to choose one? That's not how you did it, sir. Too much. Skate owner, this is a year ago, so he's got a reply for that, I guess.

Okay. Thank you for putting our rules out there for everyone to know. We don't hide them at all, but you should also remember that we have you come in and go over everything in person and sign off on all of our things. at any point if you wanted to not do it, you could have stopped and said this isn't for me. Oh, that's the worst writing. It's so bad. On to which, no big deal.

Okay. As well as we are here for a profit. And I am same owners as you are referring to. To T-O-O. English is falling apart as this goes. Referring also. Yeah. Sorry you thought differently than what we went

over, but we still did exactly what we said we would by the contract you signed. We, well, we all here wish you the best for not every place is for everyone. Right. We're trying to make money. Wow. Here we go. Jesus. Cry baby.

Perfect. One star. First thing is all caps here. Terrible. Do not go here. Okay. Okay. We're not going to, but thank you.

I'm not going to. No. First off, it was so hot in there. They have no fans or anything. No fans. No fans, no fanatics or any circulatory. How about air conditioning? Fuck fans.

I don't want fans anyway. The floors are broken and dangerous. Keep in mind, I am 18 years old. Okay. Great. Hopefully that has some relevance later in the review. Keep in mind. I'm an adult.

Keep in mind. I came with my aunt and uncle. and their kids and my boyfriend, wrong there, of course. Does anyone in West Virginia know anything about these things? This is crazy. Me and my boyfriend wanted to go outside for a break because of how hot it was. The owner, in all caps, of the place tells me I cannot come back in if I go out. Yeah.

But why? I think that has to do with safety because there can be arguments and you could walk out and go grab a weapon and come back in with it. But, okay. Like, I'm going to go pop the trunk on them. You know what I mean? Well, that would be everywhere on earth then. Why is this special? Yeah.

I can go outside. Because at roller ranks, that's where conflict, there's a lot of conflict there. People can walk in and out of a bar. Yeah. But you're not allowed to have a weapon in a bar. You're not allowed to have a weapon in here either. I bet you are. Well, then they shouldn't fucking care if you go out and get it then.

What are we talking about? If I'm an adult and I go in a business, and I want to leave and go outside and come back in. Fuck you. Tell me where I can't go. There's a law that you can't have weapons in bars, but there's no law that says you can't have a weapon in here. Well, it's about around booze.

I'm sure they sell beer here. All these places sell beer. It's like a roller. They need some of the adults. Chuckie cheese sells beer for Christ's sick. It's a great point. You know? I bet there's beer.

Wait, Chuckie cheese doesn't, does it? I thought they did. No, I don't think they do sell beer. Peter Piper did. I get them mixed up because they look the same inside, but okay. I think that's what it's. It is. So the owner of the place tells me I cannot come back in if I go out.

Hmm. Weird. When my aunt went outside at least four times and came back in. I told him I was 18 years old and he says, isn't that your supervisor or something talking about my aunt? Supervisor. Isn't that your parole officer there? What are you talking about?

Oh, you're 18? Why you got a supervisor? Supervisor. And he still continued to tell me I can't go outside. We go outside. and while we are outside, he goes to my aunt and tells her, I have an attitude problem. And he didn't want, quote, kids running around. And then all caps, not a kid, by the way.

She really took that birthday seriously. Also, he is a weirdo. Yeah. That's number three. Once I hear three of the same word that's very specific like that, I'm starting to believe it now. He's a weirdo as my aunt went out, went to go outside. he looked at her ring and said, dang, all the good ones are taken. Oh, my God.

No. And then all caps, you are weird with three exclamation points. He hates. He's believing it all on the table, though. He's telling them all, hey, I hate kids, but I love to fuck. I love to fuck. If only women came here without kids, this would be a great place is what he's thinking. By the way, I'm not even from here.

was my first time going there, never returning, even when we come back down here. Only reason we came was because my aunt had free passes. Also, owner didn't care about fights happening or anything. Also, not to forget, I had a water bottle. I brung from the store. I had brung from the store. Had brung. I had brung from the store.

And the owner snatched it off the table and said, I could get it back when we leave. Like a teacher taking your toy and putting it in her desk and going at the end of the day You can have that back You're putting your hand in front of mouth and saying spit it out Yeah basically that It's like when a teacher took the star scream off your desk there It was like nope your Transformers coming with me until the end of the day Okay

They are so broke they need us to buy one dollar waters there All right Of course there's a response to that Yeah the owner here, clearly. Hey, we like to thank you for helping us get the word out there. Like all place, we have rules. All place.

Such as there is a three foot red and white sign on the door right by the handle that says no outside food or drink because people always try to be sneaky. That's because people always try to be sneaky. Also, as well also, you need to one of those. as well or also. They mean the same thing. On a sign right by the door, both sides that say

no in and out privileges. Fuck you. Privileges? That's gross too. No in and out. Yeah. What the fuck? Anyways.

That's a euphemism for fucking. For fucking. No fucking on the fucking premises here. Anyways, thank you for helping point out our rules. Uh-huh. All right. Bridget one star. No stars is what it deserves.

That's right. I'll take that. That's just aggressive. This guy, whoever he is, is rude and talks down to you like you're invading his space. Wrong you are, of course. I haven't seen one proper use of there or your yet in this entire, any of these fucking reviews. I swear to God. I am terrified for the children. How are they doing with Dan and then, James? All fucked up everywhere. He wants to control the whole situation and he watches your every move. right that time. I think they only think there's one yore and they're just using it wherever. The place is so small. There's, that's definitely, theirs, T-H-E-I-R-S.

Listen, there's. I'm not trying to be a grammar Nazi, but this is crazy. That's egregious. The picture on the fucking review is of an adult blonde woman with a man next to her and three young children

under the age of 10 in front of them. if you push a child from your vagina, learn the proper theirs and yours for the love of Christ. Don't put your ignorance on display. And if you're going to, gentlemen, if you're going to leave it in there, you better learn some fucking English first so you can teach your goddamn kids. I'm sorry. It goes both ways. Oh, man. I struggle to read so much.

And I know the rules of English language. I'm just real bad at stringing. I fucking better get through a book faster than this bitch. I would fucking hope so. Jesus. This is unbelievable. So he wants to control the whole situation. He watches your every move.

The place is so small so there's no place to go to get away from him. Go to Skatland and I'll teaser. I don't know where that is. Their friendly works, T-H-E-I-R-friendly works with you. They're friendly works with, oh, they're friendly. They are friendly, comma. And they work with you. Yeah.

Works with you on get your party the way you and you child wants. You child. You and you child. They don't hover around you and has plenty of space eat. Plenty of space eat. They got tang. They got all sorts of dehydrated things as a space eat. They got all the space eats around there.

Plenty of space eats. eat, play games, and not feel like you're on top of each other. Yeah. Okay. Response from the owner. You're dumb. Nope. Interesting.

I wasn't even in town during the time period you mentioned. That's what you find interesting. That's his response. Wasn't even me, bitch. That's what he said. Wow. Wow. This guy's a jackass.

It sounds like. I don't know. Casey, one star. The owner of this place is. as rude condescending and uncooperative as it is possible to be. Well done. Those are big words. That's good.

I like that. Spelled correctly, condescending and everything. I've realized this for years, but after dealing with him last year and trying to deal with him again this year, I am all caps. Done. Done. Pros. Colon. This person's, okay.

Kids like to skate. Cheap family fun. Party fee is reasonable and allows lots of guests. minor annoyances. You are allowed no set up time for your party, but will be required to clean up early. Place isn't in the best shape. Tries to control the time at which you do all the party related activities. Cons, the owner will talk down to you at every step of the process.

That's a nice tits. He will compliment your cleavage, though. That's one thing. Even go as far as to hang up on you. He will not accept the deposit. over the phone and will not allow, quote, dads to pay the deposit. Because, because, quote,

dads don't tell moms the rules, then moms leave bad reviews. Oh, my God. I don't take deposits from dads because they're not going to tell because the woman couldn't possibly come in and learn the rules.

She must be... She must be told this. She must be guided through the process by the man telling her the rules ahead of time so she doesn't leave bad reviews because then she'll complain obviously because you know women be bitching and chopping and whatever else she can't read but she sure can type she can't read but she sure can bitch later on about it I'll tell you what she sure can dictate a nasty review to somebody I'll tell you something uh I assume she

can't read based on how she spelled words in her reviews Jesus Christ this is outlandish. I have talked to many people after my most recent experience with him, and I guess it isn't a well-kept secret that he is an extremely unpleasant and unprofessional individual. He sounds like an absolute asshole. It's from these people. Yeah, I don't know. I can promise that any negative reviews left are not because a dad failed to tell a mom some arbitrary common sense rule. I can't believe he fucking summed everyone up because... talking dad's clearly a freeway.

Hey, they don't tell the moms the rules and then people bitch. That's what happens. Oh, wow. I'm not trying to make a profit. But this is a profit deal. Oh, I guess. It's a profit deal, huh? Oh, shit, that's funny.

This is amazing. This guy. Wow, what a gem we found here. What a God. Oh, my God. I'd like to just do, this makes me just want to do like, at least like once a month, Just our West Virginia corner where we check in with West Virginia and see if people know how to fucking use English yet. Do we have his fucking name?

Because I need to see what this guy looks like. I don't think we do, actually. No name at all. No, I don't think so. They just say the owner. The owner. He's always the owner, the owner. And, you know, that asshole probably is what they call him to each other.

Weird. That's what they call him. I think weird is what they're going with nickname. Addie one star. All caps. Horrible. I was trying to help my dad with the waiver because he can't see very well, and he didn't know the email off the top of his head.

He's got bad eyesight and doesn't remember his email because he's a dad. At the top of his head. The top of his head. He couldn't remember. The guy working the counter was a total no at all. I wonder who that is. Let me ask you, was he weird? And caused us to have to have to miss my,

niece's birthday party. Oh. Okay. Response from the owner. Here we go. Maybe you all should have listened. Okay. I literally was saying I will help him.

For minors, as you can't fill out legal documents anyways, please never return. We only want good customers. And again, this is from a year ago. This is so different. Oh, man. Never return. We're trying to make a profit. And you're terrible.

You're fucking it all up. Okay. Last but not least here. Brittany, one star. 100% do not ever recommend. Fine. The owner is extremely rude and on a power trip. He is beyond weird.

Okay, that's like five weirds now. You know what I mean? That's a lot. That's a lot of, it's very specific. Weird is a very specific word. Not odd, not strange, not creepy. Weird. Weird.

Very specific. He will be rude to your guest and make the parties super unpleasant. Weird. Okay. I don't know about you. I'm still looking for some fun. I got to get out of here. I got to get out of here.

Go somewhere fun because I feel like we've been talked down to. We've been weirded out. So let's go. There's only a few for here, but a couple of them are kind of funny, and we want to do a couple of short ones in there. Let's go to the Cass County Fair, everybody. Oh, where's that? That is in Missouri. Cass County.

203 Paul Street, Pleasant Hill, Missouri, with a rousing 3.4 stars. Oh, boy. And the, like, there's a picture here of a, taken from, like, the top of the, you know, wheel thing, Ferris wheel, whatever kind of wheel it is, I can't tell. And it looks pretty fucking bleak.

It looks like a bunch of shit just thrown in a field. Is this with the daylight? Oh, it's broad daylight, yeah. Oh, nice. Broad daylight. Looks pretty bad. Chandis five stars. I love this fair, and they love my band, Hazard County.

Hey! He played the fair, and he's positive reviewing his own band based on... Positively reviewing being paid to perform here. Yeah. Stephanie goes above and beyond to make sure we have all that we need. She's amazing, and the staff is absolutely awesome. We appreciate you all so much. please rebook Hazard County because we could use the money.

We like it. Here is five stars from James. Lots of pictures of tractors. All sorts of tractors with his kids standing next to a tractor. His kids really like tractors. And that's the whole review. Five stars, kids like tractors. That's it.

No words. Bradford, three stars. Whoa. I found out where it were at. Whoa. W-E-R-E, both of those. I found out where it were at. I think I found out where it was at is what he was going for.

That's a different where and a different word for was. So none of that makes sense. Where it were at. Where it were at. I'll take that too because it's Cass County, Missouri. Yeah. Paul, Paul, two stars. Fairgrounds are okay.

Nothing you will write home about, but then again, dot, dot. They are fairgrounds. So they're fair. Get it? I put that in there. Has a pretty big covered space, a tiny building with a kitchen, a field used for derby, bull riding, et cetera. Nothing's nice enough that you'd want a wedding head.

held there, but... What? Why would you want a wedding at the county fair ever anyway? Nothing so fancy of this. Nothing nice enough that you'd want a wedding held there, but I could see it being ideal for a large family picnic. Uh-huh. Not very nice, but functional.

Not very nice. What the fuck? That is, okay. Nate, one star. My kids love coming here. However, we bought derby tickets and quickly realized that they never stopped selling tickets. Ah. I guess oversold.

They'll just pack them in. Man, that derby, it's probably a demolition derby, I'm thinking? Yeah. Yeah. Paid money to walk into a crowd with no seats, and we couldn't even see the pit. I asked a worker why they aren't limited tickets. It's limiting tickets. They told me they won't stop until people are backed up to the fence.

Oh, is that right? Not only is this dangerous, but if I'm paying for a ticket, I expect the ability to at least see it. Uh-huh. Seems fair. I like this. Nicole one star. Terrible place! Yeah.

To exclamation points. They make up lies about people and have people thrown off their property. What? Gee, did you have one too many and fucking get thrown out of the fair, Nicole? Did you get shit-faced and asked to leave the fair? Nicole pissed her pants at the fair. Nicole pissed her pants and punched her boyfriend, who's also her cousin in the mouth,

and now she's upset about it because she got thrown out. It's what it sounds like to me. It's all I'm saying. Nicole, did you touch a prized animal's dick? Is that what you did? Did you get hammered and flick a horse's dick? She said, he lacked it. Like, you still can't blow the horse, ma'am.

I'm sorry. I don't care if he likes it or not. It's against the rule. Stop touching that. At least not till 8 p.m. Then it's a, we have a touch hour from 8 to 9. We can kind of do whatever. It's kind of a free for all from 8 to 9.

We'll be honest with you. Y'all can do whatever you want, maybe bring a box of wine, see how they can take to it. But that's between you and the animal of your choice. We got a nice yak in the back that we think he's handsome. I'm just going to tell you that right now. Okay. The staff is beyond ignorant. They make up lies about people and have people thrown off their property.

hilarious. Beyond ignorant. Beyond ignorant. Do not give them your business in any way, shape, or form. None. Then finally, brought. That's what I mean. This is crazy.

What are you talking about? Everyone, stop complaining until you learn how to write a coherent review. Until you can write coherent sentences that people can understand, don't write reviews. Don't do it when you're still in a rage. Imagine typing that on the internet.

Don't give this place your business in any shape, way, or form. What the fuck does that mean? What are you talking about? Why do you care? Don't buy anything from them. Don't promote them in any way. Stop doing their advertisements on your podcast. Oh, boy, you know, they're always advertising.

Super Bowl lads. Super Bowl, NFL, don't take their money, NBC. Oh, man. Braun one star. Rude people, rude service. I would rate it a zero if I could. That's good enough. We'll take it.

That's for this place and Cass County, you're in business, sir. I know we've done a small town murder in that county too. I'm pretty positive. Is that why I know it is? That's why it sounds familiar. C-A-S-S. Yeah. I don't know about you.

We got a few minutes left and I'm still, that Chinese food just did not. It didn't settle. It didn't. I barely ate anything. It was all. gross, it looked terrible. Let's go somewhere. And this is because we've made fun of, we had a Denny's a while back. Yeah. We made fun of Waffle House a couple weeks ago. So let's round out the kind of trio of shit breakfast, breakfast misery with eye hop, everybody. Let's go to an IHop. This is an

I hop in Lincoln, Nebraska. Oh my God. That's one of the worst places I've ever been, by the way. Yeah. Lincoln and Carney's no good either. No, no, no, you don't want that. Omaha's a lot different. All I remember, it's on the Oregon Trail in the video game. Yeah, I just know that it's not far from Lincoln. I think it's Nebraska. It might be Kansas, though.

Now, this I hop here is 4501 North 27th Street in Lincoln, Nebraska. It has 3.7 stars out of 2,600 reviews. Wow. So it sucks is pretty much the thing here. And if you don't know what an IHOP is, the International House of Pancakes, longstanding chain serving a wide variety of pancakes and other American breakfast and diner fare. Okay. And I'll always laugh at IHOP just because you ever seen the comedians in cars getting coffee with Christoph Volz there from fucking glorious bastards and shit?

He's very not American. No, he's a German star. He's very classy. He, like, dresses very nice. One of these very classy Europeans. So they took him to... Trained actor. So they took him to an IHop.

Oh, God. Because it's very American. And it's not what he would eat normally or expect. And he said, I didn't know what this was. I've seen these buildings. I never knew what they were. I didn't know this was what was in here. Yeah.

And he said, what'd you think it was? And he said, I thought they sold shoes. Yeah. Because it's IHOP. He thought it was his shoe store. He thought I hop. with shoe stores, which is hilarious. No, sir.

This is for people who do a lot of sitting. Yeah, they don't hop at all. Most people have clean shoes because they're in wheelchairs. This is an ironic name. Yeah, yeah. IHOP. Now, Justin Five Stars. Dana was awesome.

Had the crepes. They were amazing. Good service today for sure. Thanks, IHop. Thanks, Dana. A picture of his crapes with all sorts of shit on top of it. That's the other thing about these places. They have the trio or the flight, I guess you call it, of syrups that are always on the table.

What's on top of this? It looks like these crapes have more sugar than a six-pack of Mountain Dew. I'll bet you're right. It's a lot. Okay, Chad, this will probably be the last one. Chad, one star. Went in close to 10. I was told there'd be a wait till the new server got on.

I was fine with that. Yeah. That's right. Gives me the time to look at the menu. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because I have. It's a very complicated menu. You want to go over it.

I didn't get the menu or even a water until the new server got there. Yeah, that's how it works, generally. Your server brings your water. And was promptly told, and was promptly was told that the new server had to give the previous server a ride home. What?

Jesus Christ. It's shift change. Yeah, we do a ride share program. Wow. This is amazing. Leaving me and several others without a server. So at shift change, she's got to give the other one a ride home. That's amazing.

The cook came out and turned about 15 to 20 people away, and it even sounded like he locked the door. Now you just can't leave. You all stay here. You can't leave until you pay. Wow. You can't pay until the server comes back. I think so no new people can come in, too. So it's, yeah, the state of the men's room and several ceiling tiles on the dining area, actually the dinning area, if you want to get technical about it, had lots of water damage.

Also, the stall door was broken and held by duct tape. Made me wonder if this was a good choice, probably not, because of the maintenance issues that I saw. The food was good, but not what I ordered and had to be corrected. Well, I mean, the server had a lot going on there. So, by the way, the picture of the water damage is, it's not water damage. Like, it's a little tiny bit bubbled, maybe discolored. It is, shit is hanging down. Oh, no.

There are the plaster hanging a foot down from the ceiling with what looks like open holes in spots that are like punched through. And the wall, the paint on the wall has completely bubbled. The water has broken it. And now it's just like a big broken paint bubble like hanging out in front of the. the thing in the iHop bathroom it is horrific uh there is the picture of the duct tape which is clearly somebody kicked a stall door open

uh-huh and broke the frame on the side of it oh shit so they duct taped that so they have duct taped the frame back to the fucking tile wall and so the door will close again and then there's minor water damage in another corner but nothing compared to the shit hanging down at the other place there um

okay um Let's do one more. Just one more. We're done here. Dale, one star. Dale. Very busy, but was immediately seated. Server was excellent.

This is a one-star review so far. But it seems like a five. Wife got the Build Your Own omelet with mushroom, sausage, bacon, and four cheese mix. Oh, she is a glutton for punishment. Daughter and I got spicy Poblano omelets. At IHop, you got that? Why? Just get the fucking pancreas.

Are move on. What are you doing? I mean, I guess probably omelets and pancakes are about the same difficulty level, but. Oh, you're trying to get too cute with this shit. Yeah. This is a blonde. What else goes in? All right.

I have no idea. We were fine. Wife got deathly ill. Well, yeah, she got seven meats. She got seven meats. Seven meats and four cheeses. That's too many. A farm had to die for a fucking omelie.

For Christ's sake. Jesus Christ. Wow. She is just now starting to feel human, and this was 10 a.m. yesterday. I've been married to her for 36 years, seen her puke three times. And I'm about to bury this woman. Wow. Their food had her puking like crazy.

Yeah. Don't recommend. I guess not. They do have the atmosphere and service as a five, though, with the food of one. Atmosphere and service. That's a five, babe. Yeah. Oh, my God.

That's fucking funny. So we'll leave it right there, I think. Wow. There we go. We've been around. Yeah. The roller skating owner seems like a trip. The Cass County Fair was fun.

Let's get food poisoning next week. It's great. We had food poisoning at Bonn, Orient. Now we're going to get food poisoning here. I'm in, baby. Let's do it. So thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for hanging out with us, as always.

Definitely look out for weird people. That's a thing that you need to do for the day. Weird is. Yeah. Weird is scary. Yeah. Weird is bad. And on top of that,

hang out, keep coming back. Head over to shut up and give me murder.com. Get your tickets for small town murder live shows, your merchandise, and as well, listen to our other two shows, crime in sports and small town murder, which are exactly what they sound like, but goddamn funny.

Thank you so much, everybody. Tell everybody you know, and we will see you next week. One meat and your omelet. Bye.