Your Stupid Opinions - Mid Wall Of China, Helium Wars, Perfect Pizza, Personal Tentacle

Episode Date: March 10, 2025

The craziest & funniest one star reviews on the internet! We look at some people who aren't quite impressed with The Great Wall of China & have some suggestions for improvement. A delicious pizza place, that has an owner who loves to respond to reviews. A party store that may not be able to float your balloons. A very personal item that seems to be a sort of personal tentacle & much more!!Join comedians James Pietragallo and Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section!Subscribe and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!!!Don't forget to rate & review!!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery plus subscribers can listen to your stupid opinions ad free right now join Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts Hello everybody welcome back to Your Stupid Opinions. Hey! Hey there. Hello, my name is James Petragallo, I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. Thank you so much for joining us today for another week of complaints and grievances. And we have some fun ones, we have a big landmark, a world-known landmark, one of the wonders

of the world. We have an actual place that's really good, that has some very funny owner responses. We're gonna finish up our personal item of the week from last week, because there's so much, and I didn't wanna skip out on it and everything, but let's dive right into this. Before we do, though, listen to our other two shows,

Crime in Sports and Small Town Murder, which are exactly what they sound like, but funny. So check those out and keep hanging out with us. And also, as always, these are not our reviews. I will give a review of one of the places though, because I've been there and I love it. So I'll tell you all about that. But otherwise, these are other people's reviews.

We didn't do it, don't blame us. All right, diving right in here. We are going to, this is one of the wonders of the world. We are going to the Great Wall of China Okay, the whole fucking wall. I don't know how you can rate an entire wall. That's like, you know that long It's bricks really long and you can walk on it. It's almost 9,000 kilometers. That seems like there'd be different ratings for different Points of it, right? Yeah It's supposed to keep armies out.

You can't build one little wall, they'll just go around it. It has to be long. 5,000 kilometers long? You wanna go around this shit, you're gonna be tired by the time you get here is what they were trying to do. Take a break. Yeah. Ancient world wonder that winds for more than 8,850

kilometers across China with towers and walkways. It has 4.3 stars out of 18,000 reviews on Google here. It is in, I don't even know how to pronounce that. It's in China, let's just say that. The district is not important. If you ask which way to the Great Wall, someone will point you there probably, they know. You don't need to know where it is.

So here's five stars from Adrian here Amazing experience walking on one of the seven wonders of the world I booked a tour at the hotel I stayed at and they picked me up by bus early in the morning There was plenty of time to walk on the wall and the views were amazing. There are some steep sections So proper footwear is recommended and as you can see here, I'll turn the monitor for you She's put up some beautiful pictures of, it's a little foggy that day, but still. God dang, that thing's huge. The views go forever.

And when you see people on it, you see how big it is. Because when you just see pictures of it, there's no context of how big it is. But when people are on it, you're like, that's a fucking, yeah, pretend it's a dick pic for us, please. Here's another one, five stars. a breathtaking section of the Great Wall of China known for its stunning scenery and well-preserved architecture it's less crowded than other sections making it perfect for those looking to enjoy the historic landmark in a more relaxed atmosphere what makes Mutane Mutinyu

unique is the option to take a cable car or chairlift up and a thrilling toboggan ride down. That all sounds very dangerous. Especially in like China. Is there Chinese OSHA? I don't think so. That's what I mean. I don't know anything about that.

The walking paths are well maintained and the area is family friendly with plenty of photo worthy spots along the way. It is truly a must visitvisit destination for anyone exploring Beijing Okay, here's three stars from Ryan. Hey great wall meh mid Basically here. Yeah greats overstatement. It's a decent wall. It's all right Took a bus a bus tour from Beijing for about an hour and a half, highly recommended. Although the scenery and views are just amazing, it's harder to walk up or down than you will

think. The floor is angled and some steps can get up to 50cm or 1.5 feet, but maybe it's worth the view. You have to- There's steps? Yeah, because it goes up hills and down hills and shit. No, no, but he's bitching that there's steps It's it's it's an ancient fucking wall. What did you want? They didn't make it wheelchair accessible years

You know many people died making this It's probably Incalculable and then in China they just with a fucking pitchfork shoot them off to the side They do they're probably buried in the side. They don't even care. They're probably buried in the wall. They don't even give a shit. Wow. Here's another one.

One star now. The Great Wall of China is absolutely very beautiful and attractive tourist destination. It is included in one of the seven wonders. Actually Great Wall of China is my dream to visit one day. One star. One star. Because I haven't made it yet. Why? He's giving, one star. One star, because I haven't made it yet. Why?

He's giving himself one star. Somehow that has 21 thumbs up. 21 people found that helpful. That it looks beautiful, but I've never been there. What's helpful about that? We are not okay. I say it every, we should have, this show should be called We Are Not Okay.

Not your stupid opinions or anything else. We are not okay not your stupid opinions or anything else We are not okay, and this is why we just give our fucking Our dissertation on why words not okay, just by reading reviews every week Okay one star. I don't see what all the fuss is about You don't you don't see it from fucking space man. You, everyone kept rambling about how you can see it from space. That's the next line. They're like, listen, I got your fucking points counterpoints here. I've been in this argument before, man.

I am crying. He got me. That is amazing. He then said, went there, couldn't see anything. Went to space and couldn't see it or went to the wall and couldn't see other shit I don't know did you leave your glasses on her what is happening also it's not really a wall in it they ended it that's amazing this is a really snotty British person obviously really a wall in it just like a long platform for standing. Yes on a platform of which in front of it there's a thing of it's a wall is what that is. It's a wall you could that makes it an even better wall it's a wall that's so wide that you can walk on it that's

pretty cool. It's a very wide, high plank. Yeah. Meaning on one side, you'd walk the fuck into a wall. And then on the other side, probably the same. Yeah, but they're getting real philosophical with it. Like generally, anything would be up. So if I'm standing on the road, is that a wall? Because there's a, you know,

I think that's what they're doing here. I don't even know. I suppose. It's also, obviously not, I think that's what they're doing here. I don't even know. It's also obviously not what Jesus Christ, a long wall, no chairs even. No, it's not meant to sit on. The idea is really stupid too. Why make a wall when you can use fighter jets shaking my head? Well, do you think this was erected in 1994 or what the fuck is wrong with you?

This is ancient One star because it's brownish, and I love that color No, that is a really frustrating chose the right color to paint. It's the right color. It's the brown of stone It's dirt not painted. Yeah Reese one star. Can people stop saying you can see it from space? That's just, the thing is tiny. Even the widest part is only like 30 feet across.

It's basically invisible from space. How do you know that? Have you been to space? Last time I was in space, I looked for it. I totally didn't even see it. So like, no. Everything you can see from space is amazing. That's incredible. Five stars, okay? What the fuck, man? Eduardo one star. Hello.

Hi, Eduardo. Hi, how are you? Nice to see you, Eddie. Nice to see you, bud. It seems to me that there is an error in the measurements that were put in the information about the Chinese wall because the diameter and length cannot be measured the same. I don't know what that means.

I don't know what that, that's the whole review. I don't know what that means, what the difference is. Is it huge? All right, great. Is it bigger? I bet you can't walk from the start to the end in the full fucking day. So it's pretty big

David one star it's way too long He couldn't do it all sorry When they built it they were worried about repelling invaders not whether David would have a comfortable day of tourism walking across it I think was the point but hey Tired after a couple hours and I can why. I would never invade this fucking place. Ah, duh. They should offer rides across. There you go. I almost tripped and fell off because of the lack of renovations to the wall.

Oh sorry, we'll put in hardwood floors for you and quartz countertops next time, you fucking douchebag. It's got steps. There's no vehicle that can do that. What do you want? No. Next time you fucking douchebag. It's got steps. You can't there's That can do that. No Costas one star I was not given a visa at the point of entry the Beijing airport having all documents for a 40-hour transit One star to the what you never good means they didn't get there They didn't get there because they got stuck at the airport. So one star for the wall, which is wow. Nathan one star.

It's too big. Oh, I think it was just the right size when they built it. You can't walk across it and no, you can't see it from space. They all really want to argue with you. They really want to have it out with you about space. I'm so mad that they're all clocking me. Because that's everybody's review. Alex one star, please add a pick. It would be better if you could walk near it like you can everywhere else.

Uh huh. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. That's why I don't know what half of these mean. So when you see a place and you go, oh, it's got a lot of one star reviews, half of them don't even make sense. They're from people who can't form a cogent thought and put it down on fucking but if you're net if you could grade and flatten right in front of it and Put me on a bus to drive be fine great just drive next to it Kilometer almost nine. It's a very very long fucking wall So omit one star it It was very dirty. I hated it. My opinion, never

go there. And then a pukey emoji. Oh. Okay. That's bigger than the length of America, right? No, no. 9,000 kilometers would be, I'm trying to think, what is a kilometer to a mile? What is it like? I think it's a, a little over. A half or one point, it's over, think it's a one, uh, a half or one point.

It's over. It's just, just over one and a half. So then it would be, because of all, if America's about 3,000 miles wide, then yeah. So it would traverse from the ballpark. That would traverse from San Diego to fucking Banger, Maine. That's a lot. And further. Yeah, probably, even if you meandered a little bit.

You know, you dicked around, didn't take a, as the crow flies thing here. Shelby one star, bit of a long walk and I nearly got pushed off by the crowd. Oh that's not good at all. Like a fucking train in fucking New York. Oh my god. Rito one star just a bridge need more maintenance to get more interesting. Okay so they think it's similar to okay. need more maintenance to get more interesting. Okay, so they think it's similar to, okay.

Yeah, more maintenance I guess you need here. That's, I don't understand. What are you gonna, what do you even maintain? If unless it's falling down, you just leave it I think. Alicia, one star, you have to walk a long way and I don't like it when you start to walk, you start to get tired, I hate you know when you walk I have to just look at the amount of emojis after this Wow the XE X doubt I emoji and like you know fucking the scream yeah it's

fucking the scream person from the painting and then a bunch of crying faces. You start to walk, you get tired. I hate it. Alright. Jacob one star. Nothing great about it. The mid-wall of China. That's what it is.

What do you want? Wow. Overrated. Long walk. You're supposed to go and just go, this is amazing that it still exists here. It stands to this day, incredible. I can't believe they did this.

It is from- Wow, amazing. It's twice, it's from San Diego to Bangor, Maine and back, James. Yeah, that's far. It's unbelievable. That's a long fucking way. A wall, the whole way.

The whole way, a wall you can walk on for Christ Christ sake and you're complaining about it because it's too long Eye-Mir one star really nice wall, although I did get mugged so watch out That's no that's no good, but one star, but the wall is nice It's a beaut. That's a beaut Gone deep one star. Very old wall color. Not good. Guys, don't visit it.

Real dated. It's just old dated. It really needs an update. Ranjith, one star. Wall of death. People's blood poured in to build it by ancient cruel Chinese. That's true, I'm sure. Yes, absolutely true. One star. This is wild. Uh, I don't even know what to say about this. One star from Alexander,

outdated exclamation point, right? No USB outlets or wifi for my laptop. It's amazing that centuries and centuries ago they didn't think to put USB outlets in this thing for Alexander who would be here in the future. Do you need the USB-A's or USB-C's though? What are you talking about? How updated is your fucking phone?

That's the other thing too. What are we talking about here? Do you just USBs or do you want like a, would just a wall plug be okay or do you need the? You need some HDMIs too? What are we talking about? You know what just put them all in just put them all in just put a bay of every fucking thing You can plug in like any like when you get a good uber and in the back seat They have that thing coming out with like dog 75 different connectors. You're like. I don't even know where the fuck these go to

Where's the Apple one because I this is for some weird fucking phone from Thailand or something. This is like a charger for a razor that we threw away 10 years ago. Oh, can I keep this? Because I have a. My kid really could use this from like 10 years ago. It's one of the connectors.

I got a car vac that I've been looking for this charger. This is one of the connectors for an old Xbox. This is perfect. I could use this. Is this possible? Can I use? It's unbelievable. Uh, okay.

One star. China is very populated and polluted country and China wall hides its pollution. Oh. How high do you think this fucking wall is? No, it hides it. Like you can't see it's polluted because you're blocked this fucking wall is no it hides it like you can't see it's polluted because you're blocked by a wall is basically what they're saying keeps it all in wow all right all right so we've

gone to the great wall the retaining wall the great retaining wall of China so we've gone to China yeah and we have gone to the Great Wall and people are not happy with it for some reason. So you know what? You can't see it from space. Apparently not. But we're pretty fucking happy. I'm so happy I want to throw a party, Jimmy.

Let's do it. Oh, where are we going? Party. The only place we can go for the supplies though is Party City in Washington, D.C. Obviously. Forestville, Maryland, the D.C. area here. Go for the supplies though is Party City in Washington DC, obviously. Forestville, Maryland, the DC area here. Party City, which if you don't know, if you're not from the US, is a retail chain stocking a wide range of themed party supplies plus costumes and holiday decorations.

You get like your shit kids fucking Halloween costume there and And you know, if you have like one of those tanks where you can fill up the balloons at home for one user, that's what you buy there. And if you're looking to have a Cinco de Mayo party, they got an aisle for that. You can get big offensive stupid sombreros, no problem. They got an aisle for those. Yeah, one that says it's five o'clock in Mexico City.

Yeah, with a margarita fucking glass on top of it. This is at 3235 Donald Drive, Forestville, Maryland here. And here is five stars from Marsha. I love Party City. I mean, yeah, it's a great place. It's fun to walk around in there. There's always dumb shit you can find. Yeah, there's something stupid to buy buy I can always find decorations for any event

I like to decorate for meals and special events for meals what to decorate for meals You come home. There's shit all over the place. You're like, what's the occasion? Oh, we're having dinner Oh, we're gonna celebrate that tonight. There's chicken. All right cool Thank fuck for that They're kind of like honestly they're a little dry too if we're just saying How did you make thighs dry? We should probably celebrate that let's talk more of let's talk more about the chicken preparation and less about decorations. What do we say here?

Let's talk more about the chicken preparation and less about decorations. What do we say here? Let's see. To add something extra to the delicious food being served, decorations from Party City add that special ambiance to any planned activities. She just loves to add some ambiance here. Here is one star from Lacey. I ordered balloons for a surprise 40th birthday party. The balloons were the only decorations we had for the party

That's a hell of a surprise 40th birthday party. It got there Sounds like party city came through then nothing but balloons those that is insane Do you want like plates or that's all she got was or he Lacey? I don't know all they got was fucking balloons for someone's surprise 40th birthday party. They walked in and everyone- We got real hard on the balloons. Everyone said surprise and they were like, is this a party?

I don't, oh yeah, there's a balloon, all right. Yeah, I guess it's a party. You're all in on balloons, it looks like. I guess so. Everybody chipped in on those, thanks. I paid extra to have them delivered. About one hour after delivery, all the balloons were on the floor and some had popped

The only two that stayed were the foil balloons my guess is the balloons were filled the night before and therefore didn't last I paid $70 ish for everything I called and requested a refund to which the manager agreed however She only gave me a partial refund at least the balloons that stayed were the four in the zero That's the only ones yeah, the rest are on the ground as you can see around them So it's like the rest are forming like a balloon ball sack around this the base of this 40 penis That's happening right here this gold foil 40 Darlett one star this is what you get at this particular store Well, there's pictures of what you get. What do you get a mess you get shit still in the boxes?

Yeah, you can't get to the shelves because there is about three deep Boxes in front of them in front of the shelves in front of the shelves There's shits in there if you want it don't need to buy anything. They only restock once a quarter? What is this? Sorry, we put those out there and you can pick through them at will. That's fine. The aisles, by the way, I-S-L-E-S, the aisles, are filled with shipment, most from Halloween. The shelves are empty. The Christmas decor is non-existent. The floors are filthy and only two cashiers during a very busy time. The staff was friendly, but really? All caps through two exclamation points.

Alright, that's interesting. They're closing all of these, aren't they? A lot of them close, yeah, parties. I don't know how you'd get... I don't know how that... How does that happen? I get that seasonal, I could see it being like a spirit Halloween it pops up around Thanksgiving maybe for the holidays Thanksgiving Christmas a big President's Day sale

So maybe who's throwing a present fourth of July? We're open for the fourth of July barbecue supplies get yourself a big stupid uncle Sam hat we got him Blow up ice cream cone for the pool. Yeah Blow up ice cream cone for the pool. Yeah, fuck it. Dominique, one star. The girl with dreads, who I actually think is the manager for this location, is very rude and condescending. Corporate, please handle that.

And they say, there's a response from the owner, Dominique, we're sorry to see this. Our team is here to help. Please contact us at 1-800-PARTY-CITY. So call this national bullshit line that no one will care about. Make sure we have a touch-tone phone. Yeah, call from that for sure. We have no rotary. We won't take the call.

One Star arrived on Saturday, 318. One of two customers in the entire store. I asked for two basic latex balloons for a one-year-old to be blown up. They said it would be a two-hour wait. Yeah. Yes. Sorry, we're all backed up. We're busy. Understanding that they probably have large orders to fill, I found it hard to believe that 45 seconds would have set them back a ton with four employees behind the counter.

Customer service has definitely taken a backseat in recent years because you weren't allowed to skip the line That's why and there's a lot to blow up balloons that seems that seems reasonable, right? It's she just said well I only have she was but she's somebody that there's a line at the grocery store and she's like I only have a few things Can I just cut in here? No, right? You can get the back of the fucking line. Go away. Let's get creamer and broccoli Okay No, you can get the back of the fucking line. Go away. I just get creamer and broccoli. Okay Well, we've all got here faster than you fuck off when you're done with it. You can wait in online. Enjoy your creamer broccoli De de che one star I was really disappointed. They didn't have helium That's the whole store if they don't have helium just lock the doors. You don't have balloons. You don't have a store at that point

If they don't have helium just lock the doors. You don't have balloons. You don't have a store at that point What do you have all you have is those plastic gold chain? Dollar-sized necklaces if someone wants to be a pimp on Halloween. That's all you have left Yep, and the shamrock so I gotta have those yeah, and and the sunglasses are whatever year. It's gonna be next year Two letters on one side of your stupid face. Two on your other dumb eye. I love it. Such a store should have backup. Backup helium? Patrons can got to other stores to get the basics.

You can go somewhere else but you come here for the helium That's the point we go to party city for all caps helium You dumb fucks yeah Once Dollar Tree gets large number balloons. It's a wrap I can get streamers and stupid sunglasses at Dollar Tree, but they won't fill my fucking balloons Once they do Dollar Tree's been trying to get that big number and helium perfect And they can't get it, but once they get it once they get it you're out of business bitches

It's a rat evidently they a rat. Evidently they got it. They got it. They're all close and like Party City's dropping in droves. Someone just had to figure out, oh we just need helium and we can knock this whole chain out of the box? Fuck it, I guess we just buy some helium, right? Get on Amazon somebody, get those giant number balloons. We're gonna kick the shit out. They can't be expensive, right? right come on we're gonna fuck party city up. I don't care if we take a loss leader

I was gonna say this is a loss leader. I don't give a fuck You know what fifty cents for giant balloons. We don't care fifty cents We also have balloons that say fuck party city. Any of those? Oh god, that's amazing. Next up, one star. Laziest employees I've ever seen. Everyone I go here, I guess maybe everyone I know, everyone I know who goes here, they

tell me, everyone I goes here. They tell me Everyone I go here. They tell me they aren't blowing up any balloons for the day never fails Needs to change the name to party poopers That's a terrible god damn it why ah Pam one star the store was filthy like a tornado had just blown through There were only three people working and one person was coming coming balloon orders. They were coming really How many balloons you want? How about I just jizz in my hand? Is that enough for you? Does that work? Can I get no helium get 20 purple balloons? Oh

Yeah, ah, God, Jesus. Sorry, I'm just a little raw right now, so I'll get it out though, don't worry. It's all right, give me two hours though. It's gonna take two hours. That's why it takes two hours. You gotta work a nut back up again. Oh, only three people working,

one person coming all over the balloon orders, which the line was extremely long. There was hardly any product among the shelves Among the shelves I've seen pictures. Yeah, we've swoop I was highly upset the one positive was the lady who waited on us was very polite and apologized for the long wait Well, that's nice At least she didn't say fuck you and come on you that would have been worse Roro has one star.

The absolute worst. Right. They're the worst. They are extremely unprofessional here. For hours, no one answered the phone. I had a delivery order by four. At eight p.m., they called me and told me to come get a refund.

They did? They were four hours late. You get a call, you see it's Party City on your fucking caller ID. You're like, oh good, they're on their way. And they're like, just come get your money back. You know, we tried really hard. We see that's your problem. We looked at the clock and assumed you're pissed.

Come on back and get your money. And by the way, we won't even deliver you a refund. Never mind all your party shit. We won't deliver anything to you you come get it We won't even wire the money back And even if you wanted all the party stuff we don't have that stuff to Deliver to you order for you to pick up you just can't have it. We're just done to pick up you just can't have it we're just done wow didn't bother calling me to tell me where my order was so there was no balloons for the three-year-old birthday party they won't remember but you know who will remember it looks like in this person's profile picture it's their wedding picture and that lady

next to Roro is gonna remember that the three-year-old didn't have fucking balloons and guess whose fault that is. It isn't Party City. Tell you that much. There's something Roro could have done. You could have done something. You could have went to the dollar store god damn it. They have them now.. Yep. They got their other helium permit finally Despicable this store I can't imagine how they're allowed to operate this way But I will be trying to reach the corporate office. Well, then it's 1-800 party city or whatever. I think so Probably disconnected. Yeah, it's just they refer you to the dollar store. They get to say, for the nearest dollar tree.

Yolanda one star, I placed an order online to get curbside pickup. It was four items, but when the store notified me that my order was ready for curbside pickup, they just have two of my items. Other two was out of stock. But online they say they have them in stock. So I went to pick up the order and when I was outside the store I called them so they can bring my stuff outside since I pick curbside pickup.

But the lady on the phone told me I needed to go inside to get my order, which is not curbside pickup. That's for me, not from her, but that's the, I guess it's technically near the curb. I mean, you're inside the curb. I've never seen a business tell me that something was in stock and have the right, whoever's doing inventory in this country is-

Oh, terrible, they don't know what the fuck to do. The worst counters on the planet. We are not okay is what it is we can't count we can't read Yeah, anything. We're really in bad fucking shape. Oh, we got 54 of them over at this other store. I'll call them They call them. They're like no we're out You've been robbed yeah, oh god call the cops You've been robbed. Yeah. Oh god call the cops Holy shit So here we go curb, but I lady okay

Yeah, but since I pick curbside pickup, but the lady on the phone told me I need to go inside She said they don't have parking for curbside pickup, and if I park in front of the store. I'll get a ticket. Oh Then if you stop and someone hands you something. That's not a, who's that? What do you have, your own special meter made just for fucking, just for the party city waiting to write tickets? Fire lights, parking is stopped in park

and engine off and you're out and wandering around. You're not in the car. You can't move the car quickly. That's what that is, that's parked. That's right. It's ridiculous that is. That's part. That's right She made me go inside this okay It's I was on your side until you kept complete how lazy are you that you can't get out of your car and walk 12 feet At some point it's enough already and go inside and get your fucking shit

I'm not bitching about unless you paid extra for curbside That's a thing to me if you pay well if you paid for if you they if it was delivery right and they said no come pick it up like no I said delivery because I'm in a kid's birthday party and there's 14 six-year-olds running around everywhere but if you said curbside that the stores it's not the curb is outside the store just walk the shit out fucking keep going yeah just walk in there you fucking know you're lazy so I don't understand why they have the curbside pickup option. Okay, I'm with you They shouldn't but at the same time if I have to go, oh, I got a walk 12 feet

I'm not like I'm writing three paragraphs about this shit now if you still need to go inside Okay, but they didn't I guess did they have your other two items? I don't know what's going on All right, Anna one star. She's got a lot of reviews too, Hannah. Awful. Is it? Awful. First sentence, awful. I should have taken a picture of the shelves that were scarce and scarce of needed items.

Let me tell you something. There is nothing in this store that's a needed item. There's not one necessary for like to carry on human fucking functions item in this entire store. This store is a big fuck you to third world countries. Yes. This store should be called money pissers. That's what it should be.

It's just dumb shit you don't need. So needed items like they were they were out of you know bandages and medicine It's literally called water. He's city. There are a lot of places that don't even have a city They got a whole fucking city of parties here Wow, I went in for retirement items asked the cashier and her response was we probably don't have any Well, that's not good. I don't like that, probably. Tell me if you do or not. Don't make me. Retirements, I don't know if we do those.

I don't know. It doesn't feel like a national holiday. I don't know, old people don't buy as much shit. You know what I mean? We don't carry it. You mean fixed income guy? He doesn't shop here. We got a lot of shit for four year old birthday parties,

though, like tons of it. You don't even know. Lot of shit for that. We-old birthday parties though like tons of it. You don't even know a lot of shit We got an eight foot Barney balloon. Oh It's like 400 bucks. We're fucking making a fortune on that retiree It'll be the thought that counts. He'll be impressed It's only half inflated he's kind of leaning over because there's a shortage of helium, but Barney looks like he's got a bad stomachache, but don't worry about it. He's fine

Looks like he ate the shrimp yeah, Barney's ah Barney's looking for a bathroom, but other than that he's fine Wow Barney's looking for a bathroom, but other than that he's fine. Wow. Corporate, what are you talking about? I didn't write a review about wait times, it's about keeping the shelves stocked. Because I guess they responded to her and she said, never said shit about wait time bitch.

I said you don't have shit on your shelves and you don't have needed items. One star here, store manager, Melissa, with an A, was rude and very short. Oh, well that's. Well, I mean, we can't help it. Fuck you. Sorry. Right?

Not only with me, but also with her employees. Should probably keep that all together. Her customer service to other customer was not good. To other customer. How did she become a manager with her skills or did she? Or do she know someone in party city corporate office? Everybody knows all the party city management jobs. It's all nepotism. Everyone knows that It's all who you know, I bet she fucked her way to the bottom I guess She fucked her way right to the helium counter this broad no way no way she earned that shit

What the hell is going on we are not okay Instead they're putting together conspiracy theories about how she reached this exalted place. Manager Melissa, queen of the party city over here. Wow. Unbelievable. Then she says, I'm just saying. Yeah, I'm just saying.

Just saying. I'm sorry what appears to be she's pregnant. I'm sorry what appears to be she's pregnant. I'm sorry what appears to be she's pregnant Doesn't and then an emoji of a pregnant woman doesn't give doesn't give her a pass to talk to folks Like the way I witnessed her doing today How pregnant is she? Pregnant she's got a pass All right next one from Dana one star

this is all caps and all double exclamation points never enough staff if we have to be inconvenienced in the hood lower the prices and make the weight worth the while paying the same amount as the nicer areas who manage their store better seems so unfair, black parties matter. What the fuck? Black parties matter, Jimmy. That's a, I don't know, man. I don't know what's going on.

By the way, every single person's profile picture I've read on here has been black so far. So I think this is definitely in a black neighborhood or you know, whatever. It's very interesting that the, I think she's right too in that time matters and time is valuable. So if you're gonna make me sit in here,

maybe drop a dollar off your fucking shamrock glasses. You're gonna have to compete with Dollar General one of these days anyway, so start now. Start right now. McDonald's in Kansas was so fucking cheap. Why can't other places be that cheap? So cheap. So, so cheap.

I get that the rent there had to be nothing because it was literally in a field that was hundreds of square miles long, so there was really nothing. Next to the interstate. Yeah, it had to be no taxes, no anything. Just please open something here. Carla, one star. They didn't have a good selection of Dr. Seuss socks for boys. Ample amount for girls. I can't believe those exist.

There's not a good selection of them for boys, but the girl selection's fine. One star. Okay. Here we go. Natasha, one star. If I could give them no stars I Would yeah That's good customer service is horrible. I only added that because they were very close to getting that now Let's let us go to

someplace nice now all right we're gonna do the personal item last year so This is a place that I love and think is wonderful, and I normally don't give out my super top secret places But I'm gonna give this one out. It's so fucking good that you should really go here Pizza wise pizza is one of those things that there's a lot of opinions and there's a million pizza places and you've been here with me It is a million about your pizza your pizza opinion. It's fucking wrong. Probably your opinion probably is terrible. Yeah. Yeah. Because people were telling us that

that place in Columbus we went was good. It was great. And that shit was we were laughing. We were not even like laughing at it. Mark, we were just like, oh, my God, it's so bad. Ha ha. It was just like, who cares? Whatever. There's a lot of places

that you can open the box and go. Might be good. Yeah, that was just like, who cares, whatever. There's a lot of places that you can open the box and go, might be good. That was not one of them. We opened the box and went, oh no. No. Oh no, no, this is all off. So this is Emiliano's Pizza. Oh yeah.

This is at 111 Main Street in Poughkeepsie, New York. It is down, if you go to Main Street where we were, if you've heard our story about the Halloween lesbian, bleeding Halloween lesbian, which is not like a Charlie Brown Great Pumpkin legend, it actually happened. Maybe that's the new thing at Poughkeepsie. Have you seen the bloody lesbian this year? That's gonna be the Poughkeepsie Great Pumpkin,

the Poughkeepsie Bleeding Lesbian. Gotta find her every year, I think. Yeah, maybe she finally fucked her girlfriend and stopped eating. Maybe finally and didn't get choked. So we were on the way and we decided to go get some pizza, took Jimmy out for a couple of slices at this place. It's right by a dispensary I go to if you walk like two blocks away. The train station's right there and then the Hudson River's right there.

It's an awesome place. There's a man at the back of's right there, and then the Hudson River's right there, it's an awesome place. Drilling man's. There's a man at the back of a car playing music and handing out candy. It was Halloween night. That was Halloween, that's why, yeah, that's right. So this Emiliano's very good, 4.5 stars out of 838 reviews on Google.

And I am gonna give my review of this pizza, okay? Oh, did you write one? No, I'm gonna tell you it now, yeah, I'm not gonna write one on here, and I tell the guy every time I'm in there this fucking pizza is incredible It's fucking I am picky about pizza, you know that I'll eat anything but yeah to say something's good It's got to be good And I've had a lot of good pizza here and there and all these different places and I've been to like New Haven

From you went to Frank Pepe's and that was really fucking good New Haven's just a totally different style It's apples and oranges. You can't fucking amazing. I loved it by the way Emiliano's for a New York style fucking pizza. It is the best I've ever had I'm gonna say that right now It's that good to the most Material oh, yeah, the The size of a slice is, do yourself a favor and underestimate how much you can eat. If you're gonna get slices. It's fucking enormous. Yeah they're big slices, they're double slices basically and the toppings on them. Jimmy got like a chicken and a pepperoni. The chicken had like three chicken breasts on it. You're like, oh my god

This is a chicken wearing a slice of pizza is what this is and delicious, right? Oh so good. So so I go as Sarah and I go in here all the time and we get we walk in and now we're regulars They know us so they know I let me guess a gluten-free because Sarah can't have gluten-free Whatever and then you want and they know what I want which is a large cheese well fucking done and I'm gonna take half at home with me and he brings it out and every pizza if you put it in a box and take it home it's gonna get a little soggier because it's steaming in there on the fucking tray that metal pizza tray if you sit down and you get a fresh pie there and they put it down and you take it off. You pick it up by the crust. It is fucking straight.

It's an even plane. You don't have to, and I'm talking, you don't have to like make a little you out of it or anything. You hold it with your fingertips and it is straight because it's flat and it's fucking so thin and so straight. And the dough is the dough there is so good. You just eat the crust because it's so tasty I don't know how you get when shit has so good

liquid in the middle of it and then it's still crisps it's gotta be oven it's oh it's the oven it's the Baker's pride it's he's got the old Baker's pride oven the place has been here for 30 years and it is fucking outstanding so if someone says the pizza sucks either I Would just say they don't know shit about pizza because it's so fucking good. Yeah, this might be their first day Disappointed everywhere they're gonna every wow that was that was the best I ever had on that first one So or you just don't like pizza now and the owners responses here are fucking hilarious and what? They're hilarious because I know the guy too and he's fuck He's a funny fucking guy and he's talking about people and he's very much like I was fucking guy over here

I don't fucking know like he's a real New York Italian guy And he's just a real kind of a real personable guy talks to everybody that comes in he knows It's a real neighborhood spot little place like, like, you know, little place, all the Italian stuff, fucking Louis Prima playing on the fucking, on the radio. It could be in Manhattan, and you get... Little. Right. It's a small area that they cook in.

It could be in Manhattan, and you wouldn't know the difference. Ten little tables, maybe eight little tables, and I suggest sitting by the window and people watching because it's a fun neighborhood. It's a fun neighborhood It's a fun fucking neighborhood. And that's the other thing too is everybody's in there everybody. There's like old people There's like groups of like black kids in there and like fucking like couples and like, you know groups of like, you know Just like a group of women eating a bunch of guys on there just got off work It's like a real everybody's somebody with mental health issues in the car

It's all for sure. That's all there with fucking weird wildlife on them So let's get into it Shelby five stars I think this is now my favorite pizzeria and I've lived in the city for two decades So I've had some great quality pizza over the years The arugula and prosciutto slice with blue cheese and balsamic reduction was incredible. That would be so good on their fucking crust. But their sauce is so good, all I can order is the cheese because I'm a purist and I'm like,

it's so fucking good with that. That's a lot of different flavors, two mixed together. Arugula prosciutto is a common slice here. They always put a balsamic reduction on it. The blue cheese is the other night here. It's fucking good. It's real good. The blue cheese is maybe a little extra, but that's a little extra bite to it that you might want. As is the eggplant parm slice, eggplant vodka parm slice. Even the basic on the basic pepperoni was great too. They use those really good little cup pepperonis that like cup up. There's such good quality. You had that. It was fucking good.

All the workers are very friendly and efficient. Uh, here's Antonio five stars. There's not enough I can say about this amazing slice of heaven. The best Sicilian slice in Dutchess County. And I should know, I've worked as a chef in many kitchens all over the world and have owned many pizzerias and restaurants. What sets the slice aside for me is that it's done the way traditionally Sicilians are supposed to make. Light, airy, fluffy, crispy on the bottom and the flavor of the sauce is well balanced

and seasoned just right. Their sauce is so fucking good. Finally, the cheese, which was well distributed, evenly completing this wonderful masterpiece. But the true magic of this place is the atmosphere, its essence of old world tradition and family. When you're there it feels like you're having Sunday dinner with your family any day of the week. Everybody like is related that works there. It's a real family joint.

This place is truly a gem and if you're lucky enough you might get to try mama's amazing zeppole which is a dessert. Okay. The only thing that's tough is the parking because it's like street parking around The parking is kind of shitty, but you'll figure it out. It's not his fault. He's yeah opened up there What do you want John five stars? I came into the pizzeria around lunch because I was waiting for an Amtrak train and I was pleasantly surprised Since I'm not from this area. Yeah, it's like a block and a half away from the train station So it's right there and a half away from the train station, so it's right there.

And I rarely come to the train station. I'm usually more of a sauce and cheese person, and while they were all so good, the crust here is killer. I had a pepperoni slice and it was perfect, highly recommended. Yeah, their crust, dude, the taste of their crust is so fucking good. And the edge, like the, you wanna eat all of it.

Oh, dude. You're having pizza where you take a bite of the crust and you're like the mmm you want to eat. Oh, dude So where you take a bite of the crust you're like well fuck this part Yeah, no, this it's just this is just wet dough inside no this Dude when I'm we leave here the whole rest of the night. I'm like no I can say no we can taste it You're like I want more. I just want more of it Daniel five stars Sumptuous food with delightful authentic family-friendly environment very courteous staff Italian music playing overhead not very loud. It's always Louis premium, which I love

Lovely decorations from or about Italy. It's your typical It's it's your typical. Yeah, it's your typical fucking Goomba pizza place, but it's it's comfortable in there. It's great You've heard it. You've heard it. Soda's and bottled water from a refrigerator not on draft. I get the cans. They have canned Yoohoo there. Fucking phenomenal. Great shit.

That's very New York pizza place to have canned Yoohoo. Spotlessly clean including the bathroom. Prices very affordable. Now let's get into some One Stars and some great owner responses. Holy shit. And I know the guy doing it and he's fucking hilarious. Sorry, that's what's funny. Here we go. Dolores one star, delivery was terrible.

Asked for plates, cups, napkins for a $73 order and came without any. Called upset saying, sending the guy back for the items and he never came back. I've been a patron for over 30 years and will never, they were open 30 years ago. So that's about when since they opened opened and we'll never buy from them again or recommend this place creeps three exclamation,

30 years of fine. And then they forgot your napkins and now forget it. Fuck them. Creeps. They're creeps now. Okay. Um, the response from the owner, hi Delores, sorry you didn't receive your paper plates. That's the first great first line. Cause it's like, sorry, you're so upset about a paper plate. First of all, for Christ's sake, I see you've been a customer for 30 years and I'm very grateful.

I hope we can come to terms and win your business back. That's I love this. Hey, let's sit down. We'll have a chat about, Hey, you know what? Me and you will sit there. We'll come to terms. We'll figure it out. Me and you come to terms. How Italian is this? We'll sit down and negotiate

And hopefully you'll come back I will address my my employees in regards to plates and napkin situations Okay, that's what you want though. I'd like you to come back our bad. We'll fix it fuck more do you want from people? It's a fucking napkin, relax. It's a paper plate. Jesus Christ. George One Star. I was there a couple of nights ago before closing. Okay, so right away, Rip.

That's your fault. You're a dick. Whatever you have, you're getting at that point. You're not getting something. We're not rolling out new dough for you, man. Nothing fresh is being made. What do you want? Just wanted a grilled chicken salad with garlic knots, but they said they only had garlic bread. They're out of knots

I know how pizza places make them because I've worked there you make a batch in the day when they run out They're done. Yeah They take a long time and they do them in the middle in the beginning of the day when they're doing all the dough shit And you don't do it roll those out You make the knot then you have to brush it with butter and garlic and toast it again. I'm not doing that again. No, fuck, we close in five minutes. You toast them all at once, you leave them on top

of the oven and then you pop them in the oven for a minute or two as the orders come. That's how it works. They only had garlic bread, I said that's fine. I was annoyed at first, I was waiting to put my order in when they were helping people who just walked in, but I remained patient. I didn't open up my order in when they were helping people who just walked in, but I remained patient. I didn't open up my food until the next.

I didn't eat. I didn't eat open up my food or open up my food maybe until the next day, which was a mistake by me. I opened the container and was in shock. The lettuce or iceberg lettuce was the same color as the container. It was white Second no grilled chicken. I don't know what order they gave me but everyone but everyone that's too But everyone's that came in ordered anything but salads. I should have known my fault I asked for no olives, but I got olives again. My fault should have looked

I paid for grilled chicken and got dead iceberg lettuce or bottom Bottom part third garlic bread with no garlic just butter. I should have opened the container You you've admitted What five different times you could have avoided this? Nope response from the owner is fucking perfect It's two brothers are own it by the way. Yeah, sorry for your experience, but instead of running to review I wish you could have addressed it with me with my brother and I so stop in and we'll discuss the situation George isn't coming back. So stop me. You want to talk to me and my brother come on and stop by I hope it's a threat put it that way This is wild Greg

I hope it's a threat. Put it that way. This is wild. Greg, one star. Very disappointed that canned mushrooms were used on my pizza. I thought that a place like Emiliano's would have used fresh mushrooms. Never again will I order a pizza with mushrooms from Emiliano's. Response from the owner. Sorry you felt that canned mushrooms merits a one star review.

That's the first part. I feel like that was a little harsh, but I'm curious if you don't mind which pizzeria uses fresh mushrooms because I just called 11 pizzerias and they all like me use marinated mushroom in a tub not a can. Come in and I'll show you. Really, come on. One star buddy. Not a can come in and I'll show you really come on one star, buddy. I Love it It's all why don't you come in here and talk to me? I gotta go to the internet like a fucking pussy That's what this all is it's all that you could come in and go in and let's I mean you're not you're not getting anything free This way he'll show you the mushrooms. He will do it so you could look in the kitchen. See how everything's being made

It's all right in front of you. It's not hidden like it looks great back there This guy had a Pizza Hut pizza once and got the regular ass mushrooms throw it on there. He likes it like that Yeah, that's all it is. That's all because he hasn't had good pizza before Man, this is good here faith one star. I hate to leave bad reviews This is good here faith one star. I hate to leave bad reviews honestly never have but I have only had bad experiences here My order is never right three times now when I call they try to make me seem like I'm at fault when obviously I'm not They are rude and arrogant. I live around the corner. I would keep going here all the time But being met with such intolerance and lack of responsibility. I'm stunned

No one anywhere else is like that. They will correct their wrongs These people are so unkind and discourteous that never making the mistake of ordering there again. They're not unkind at all They're so nice to everybody that goes in there Okay response from the owner You ordered a meatball parm and asked for it with one side parm and the other side absolutely plain. When you called back you said one side parm and the other side was plain. So I said that's how you ordered it and you said to me well I thought you had common sense

to put sauce on it and grated cheese. Well half unfortunately plain doesn't mean add sauce and grated cheese. I also told you I would email you the phone recording of you of you ordering it wrong You want to hear you water it fucking wrong? Yeah, I did exactly what you asked I also said I will swap it out for another one and you answered me no answered No, keep your sandwich you were upset because you got busted ordering wrong and you were embarrassed I don't know what else to do when I offered a swap out. Unfortunately your review is an unwarranted and could have

been resolved but you only decided to go the weasel way out and bash a business who does so much for the neighborhood. If there was reviews for customers you would get one star. But I don't have time right I don't have the time right now to BS. That's it Yes, he said she did it three times if you order that's that's probably how he knows like Fuck her no fuck her. I told her last time fuck her I've worked in a pizza place. That was what was going on. I love that if there were reviews for customers you would get one star ma'am Take that I know you are but what am I fuck off fuck off? I love it Andrew one star I used to enjoy your pies, but recent orders have been disappointing

But but this is I want to fucking find, and he's got a local guide thing. He lives here. Andrew, if you listen to this fucking show, email, and I'm gonna meet you on a fucking corner and kick your fat ass. I swear to God, Andrew, me and you are gonna fucking throw down, because you don't know shit about pizza,

and you do have a big fucking fat mouth though. So me and you will meet right out on the fucking corner Right on the right by the little italy sign right fucking there and I will kick the shit out of you In front of the mexican place across the street. I swear to god, let's do it You asshole he ordered They listen to this the bottom of the pies have been burnt and the taste is unpleasant I kindly suggest cleaning your ovens to improve Do not think asking for it lightly cooked is the fix as tonight it was nice and light but the bottom black

Okay, you fucking ignorant fat cocksucker. It's a fucking 700 degree oven number one So when you put and it's that when you have thin like beautiful artisan crust like that it crisps Otherwise, it would be mushy see they put that when you look at the bottom you go Oh look at the little char on there and the oven it's a Baker's pride fucking oven. That's been seasoned for decades That's why it tastes like because it's seasoned perfectly no I need fucking Ignorance pray some oven cleaner in there you utter and complete Piece of shit you taste this asshole. Could you get like a brillo pad? Scrape all of the flavor out of there if you could When people when people open new pizza places around, they look for closed pizza places to buy their

ovens. No one buys a new oven because it takes a decade for it to taste good. You have to season it, these bakers probably. It's like my grill. I haven't fucking cleaned that thing. I scraped that thing. You scraped the shit off and that's what they do. Yeah, because it's so good.

Response from the owner. Uh oh. So sorry you are unsatisfied, which right away tells me, yeah. We actually do clean our oven. As far as black bottom, it does happen often because of hot spots. It definitely shouldn't be burnt and I will address it with the staff. It's not burnt. It's beautiful.

I order it well done. It comes out fucking perfect. I apologize and I would appreciate it if you could just bring it to the owner's attention Because one star reviews really can hurt a business and Andrew. I know you don't want to do that. I Love how everything is friendly a little bit shitty and slightly threatening. I love it. So that's such the essence Man I love it so fucking much. I'm going tomorrow just because of this. I'm going to eat there tomorrow because of this.

I want to tell them how wonderful they are again. Every time I leave, I go, fucking work of art. Thank you. How was it? Fucking beautiful. He then. Don't hurt my business. I'm sure you don't want to do that.

No, you don't want to do that. He said, thank you. And if you call me and ask for me, I will credit your next purchase So sorry looking forward to hearing from you. So they're trying with you if you're Brenda one star the food was absolutely terrible asked for the well-done pizza The crust was barely cooked and the cheese was congealed and greasy I've never had that there the chicken wings were a sloppy mess of bottled barbecue sauce that was never ordered in the first place.

Was never ordered in the... I had buffalo chicken pizza and the sauce is incredible. It's a little spicy. Yeah, it's spicy. If you fucking, you want a little fratty off, you're gonna get it. Yeah, I'm gonna get you. Then says, edit, first I always ask for well done

and only swore After you refused to give me back my money for the pizza, then you insisted on how good your food is rated Okay, cuz he responded. I just listened to the to the recording and you never asked for it. Well done. Oh So he's like listen, I got receipts for this shit Also, I told you I would remake it for you and respond and you responded with the f-word numerous times Shame on you talking to people like that. You should be ashamed of yourself Shame should be ashamed of yourself you fucking bum ringing bells over here Naomi one-star horrible customer service daughter rude slash as well as the owner

I don't know if that's her daughter up front the same She's nice like she's got 30 nights. It's like it's very nice. She's just nice. She's she's answering the phone She's taking your answer Is it just real nice yeah, yeah learn how to talk to your customers This will be the second time of their rude services I've encountered with them. I'm over the disrespect. Learn how to talk to your customers. Response from the owner. I'm eating pizza. I felt like a fat piece of shit. They were so nice about it. So nice. Yeah. You go. You fat piece of shit. You come back anytime, buddy. Oh, you're a handsome fat bastard. Look at you. You're

fat. Fuck you. The fatter you get, the better looking used to. Look at you, you handsome fat bastard. Look at you, you fat fuck. The fatter you get, the better looking yous to are. Look at yous. The more pizza I sell, get it? There you go. The response from your owner, you're rude and a liar. I actually have a recording of you being nasty and the girl constantly saying, sorry, ma'am, we don't take slice orders over the phone. And when you came, you were nasty and rude to me.

I have cameras showing you and Showing and you saying all kinds of gibberish and me being kind and generous I also offered you a free slice because I know your family That's this is a neighborhood joint everyone that goes in there has been going there forever. That's what I mean all the people everybody What's your brother? And shut the fuck up you on camera said no I went and got a slice somewhere else, which was another lie. Sorry you encountered kindness and was upset by that. That's impressive. Like I said, I definitely recommend it to anybody who likes pizza at all. Even if you don't like pizza,

it's maybe because you haven't had good pizza. Try a sandwich, try something else there. They've got a whole fucking menu of all kinds of shit. It is, but the pizza is, it's fucking art, man. It's a work of art. Like literally, I say you're an artist to this guy. Like it's fucking beautiful. So let's finish this up with the continuation of the personal item of the week.

Terrific. The Vibrator Adult Sex Toys for Women four-in-one thrusting vibrators dildo rose sex toys with ten licking Clitoral and ten vibration mode G spot clit stimulator pleasure tools for female couples games the gator back. That's the title Yeah, this thing looks like a crazy fucking Some weird hentai fucking I don't know what it is, but well far as here's two stars Just meh Yeah, the tentacle first of all you called it a tentacle. Yeah, it's supposed to

Simulate a tongue I believe because it's got bumpy shit on it. Yeah, it looks like a tongue Yeah, you just told us what you're into and it's tentacle shit The tentacle is very soft and pliable, but the motions start at an eight I guess in oh too high too high the tongue is hard plastic and only vibrates And it doesn't move I was impressed, but I will use it as a backup if I forget to charge the others oh You have multiple things that make you come the world is your oyster calm down What do you care? Sarah one star useless product You have multiple things that make you cum. The world is your oyster. Calm down. What do you care?

Sarah one star useless product. Useless. This is the worst sex toy I have ever used. I have used them before, but nothing was as bad as this. That's what you already said in your first sentence. To begin with, the material is not at all soft. The tongue part is curved at the end, which really doesn't get your g-spot The tip liquor is too small and does not and does not flick only provides a

Vibrating sensation, but is not soft and sensual at all. It's a vibrator not a Flick that it's a different thing. They have things that do that This person needs so much. I need a lot. I mean it's up They have the perfect sex toy in mind and they just person needs so much. They need a lot. They have the perfect sex toy in mind. They just need to build it. They need a prototype. It's not there. It doesn't exist. This toy is super old school sounding and noisy

and is damn slow to charge. I was happy with the regular rose toy I used to use, but somehow I lost it. Oh Jesus, who found that? What's this? Ah! How the fuck do you lose it? You roll under the couch? But somehow I lost it. Oh Jesus who found that what's this? The dog got it buried it in the backyard I Lost it and wanted to try something different this time. So I ordered this one because the reviews were so good

I am single and I'm always trying I'm always trying to up my masturbation game Wow, but honestly and I'm always trying to up my masturbation game. Is that right? Wow. But honestly, my fingers or other household items would work better than this. What other household items? I'm never coming over. You're fucking your whole house. You mind if I change the channel?

You probably don't want to pick that remote up. Okay, my bad. I'm going to have a banana okay. No you don't want those. I'm sorry. All right. Oh the pizzas showed up on cut. You got a pizza wheel? Don't touch that. That is really... the other the remotes gross but the pizza cutter is super filthy. You don't want that. It's a real round handle. Don't touch that. Wow. So, I was, yeah, somehow lost. I wanted to try something new. I'm single.

This is, this stupid toy was not at all able to quote, get me there. I have to work out my angles using this toy to see what makes me feel good, but nothing seems to. When I use both the- I've tried everything. I'm fucking myself in every position with this shit. It's crazy. I fucked a 5'8 wrench the other day.

Will it work? That didn't do anything for me either. Jesus Christ, man. This lady is nuts. Holy shit, I fucked my car's tire jack. That didn't do anything for me. I don't know what to do. I need to up my masturbation game.

I try everything to fuck, but it doesn't work. This is why you're single lady Yeah, that thing's dead. Nothing makes you come you killed this thing. Oh My god, and when I use both modes together, they just make so much noise The tongue feels like a piece of poop is dropping out Robin has She really has tried everything she knows Maybe it's poop that makes me come. I don't know I'll try Why do you have that reference I'm gonna leave it in the Sun for a couple days probably I think I'm seeing stars right now. Holy shit. It feels like a piece of poop throbbing the outside of your vagina. I Don't know and the tip liquor is really small compared to the size of the

sex toy. Oh my god. Since this is a personal use product, can't even return this thing, this good for nothing thing. No, that is your tentacle fucker thing. I don't know. That's your pub. That's your thing. That's your poop parade my darling Holy shit So yeah, I seriously can repeat I cannot imitate it cannot imitate your fingers oral licking or penetration Do not buy if you want to be disappointed or if you want to waste your money. No, it's a vibrator It's meant to vibrate Okay, is he one star what an unpleasant experience. Let's start with the negatives

and then they have them numbered, which is pretty convenient. What? Yeah, they have the numbers in parentheses and everything. This person went to college, they had to write a whole paper here. One, it came in a box in a plastic bag only, no outer protection. Two, the instructions were severely lacking in how to operate. Okay, it seems pretty self-explanatory I think. Turn it on, mash it on your pussy. Yeah. What do you want?

Turn it on, rub it on your pussy till you come and then put it away for a while. There you go. The writing was so small, the lack of details on how to operate the two buttons, this product, two buttons, there's only two buttons buttons it's not that complicated not a lot of moving parts there the product is not one size fits all nor is it a one-person item to get what to get into proper position you need another person to help maneuver it

everyone else seems to be fine the supposed licking part does not lick it vibrates the worst five the worst part of this product Worst part is this product is equivalent to rough sex. There is no gentle speed It starts at level three, which is too intense. It's loud and uncomfortable This is not for everyone and hard to handle alone. It is not a return item yet It is not usable to me. I will just dismantle it and dispose of it." You know, like a bomb. Treat it like a gun I need to throw out. I'm gonna scrape its serial numbers off. Fuck, you gotta do that, toss it, man. Different dumpsters, all the parts.

As for the positive parts, there is none. No? As for the positive parts, there is none. No? None. Um, this is wild. Naomi one star used? Question mark. Oh boy.

When I purchased this I expected a new item in package and fully understand why it's not refundable. However, upon inspection of the item I received there is evidence of dried fluids on this item at the base and along the shaft. Oh. Nope. God. The item was tossed into a the base and along the shaft. Oh God the item was tossed into a white bag and into the box. There's no packaging within the box to hold anything I didn't think twice until inspection because brands sometimes don't But now it seems as though my used product was slapped into a box and made to look new. How do they get it back? Oh my god, that's horrifying

Oh my God, that's horrifying. Oh my God. Faulty product, no returns at all, one star. If I could leave a negative, negative review, I would. Two negatives with a comma. You fucked it all up. I received the products in the box. The box was okay, looked a little worn, but of no concern. I charged the product. Did not charge.

I switched cords and charger blocks and found the charging directions per pamphlet in box of product. It is dead. It's dead and you can't return it. She said, I will report this to the better business bureau. Oh, you can get the better business. My Chinese fuck toy doesn't work anything you can do with this Yeah, no gator back to my gator gator back tentacle Next up one star from fat mama

Next up, one star from Fat Mama, 5 second disappointment. Took it out of the package, turned it on, seemed like I was going to have the time of my life. Fast forward, I set the mood just to be ticked off in less than 10 seconds of insertion. It still kind of vibrated but the motions of the bigger tongue completely stopped working. Gave me PTSD of a crappy lazy partner. I'd like to say this good old cougar cat was just too much for this toy But in all reality it sucked and stopped working immediately negative stars night ruined Ruin no more. She has no other dildos

I threw this in the trash huffed and rolled over and went to sleep if you want to be yeah You don't have to do that. It isn't a person you could go fuck something else Go fuck the couch like the other lady she She's have you tried poop Maybe Lee one star this hurt. This was not made by a woman Probably not to be clear if you clench the insert II bit. Oh Boy, the pointy hard tongue attacks your lady bits. It hurt. The tongue is ridged

and sharp and the base of the shaft is what gyrates so the whole external part of the toy is what's thrashing around. I came and keegled and then ripped my clit off. I fucking tore half my pussy open. Oh my god that's horrifying. This one, let's do a last one here. One star electric shocking fire. What? Yeah, scream me face. I disliked the painful electric shocking and product literally blowing up and I believe caught on fire as well. You'd think you would know if it caught on fire. Yeah. Is that your fault or the machine's fault? What the fuck? Your pussy's good sweetheart. That's just good. She's exploded dicks before.

That's amazing. Oh my god. All within the same millisecond while in use for the first time. It shocked me. It hurt. Multiple bolts and volts back to back within a fraction of a second. It was definitely an electrifying experience. I don't like giving bad news but I find this to be very important

for everyone to be aware of. I do like the design, but I got hurt. I'm most likely, most likely for the rest of my life suffer PTSD from such a horrifying experience. So you're gonna watch before you stick things that have been plugged in into your pussy from now on probably. You've got PTSD, but then you used a lightning pun in your,

fuck you, you did this to yourself you you deserved it You deserve it one more I have to do I'm sorry one more one star from an anonymous person Amazon customer the low speed is great if low to you means launching off into space oh This toy is so incredibly loud that you can't even enjoy the moment and even the lowest speeds are traumatically too much. If you get railed on a regular basis and have lost all sensitivity then this toy may be for you. For those of us looking to relax or have fun with our husband you're both going to end up just laughing because of how harsh the speeds and sounds are.

Railed. Railed. Railed on a nightly basis. Multi times a day railed hound Pounded then forget about it'll fall out of you, but otherwise you're fine Wow alright everybody Thank you so much for listening to your stupid opinions. We had so much goddamn fun We love it go get yourself railed good and have a ball with that shit Thank you so much for listening listen to crime and sports and small-town murder Follow on social media definitely tell all your friends and everything like that come back app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your

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