Your Stupid Opinions - Mountain Majesty Midness, Depression Buffet, River Of Tears

Episode Date: May 18, 2026

More of the funniest reviews on the internet! We read reviews for a beautiful mountain, that is both a national treasure & a national park, that someone would like turned into a parking lot. A Chinese buffet, where they instruct you to simply warm their cold food up in their microwave. A water park, where the lazy river is more person, than water & much more!! Join comedians James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section!   Subscribe, and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!! Dont forget to rate & review!!   Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for merch & more Check out James & Jimmie's other podcasts, Small Town Murder & Crime In Sports on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!!

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to your stupid opinions. Hey. Thank you so much for joining us this week, where we, our show, where we listen to people that we would never want to hear anything about. We would never want to talk to, hear them complain about places we might not even want to go. So it's a lot of fun, and we can't wait to get into it. My name is James Petro Gallo. I'm here with my co-host here.

I'm Jimmy Wiseman. And we are going to do this right now. Let's dive in. Before we do, though, head over to shut up and give me murder.com. All your merchandise is there, all the information about the shows that we do, crime and sports, small-town murder, everything like that, get in there, watch it on Netflix. Hang out with us, do all that stuff. That said, we're heading back to Atlantic City, everybody.

Here we go. We're going to have to drag you people kicking and screaming after the beginning last week with this. I don't think you want to go back there. But we're going back to the Island Water Park at the showboat. casino. They have the ceiling open, the roof open in wintertime. In January, there's pieces of roof missing, which doesn't seem like a good strategy for a water park.

But here we go. Let's start with Carolie. Carolee. Okay. One star. I only gave it one star because leaving zero isn't an option. Right. You see, there's a better way to say that lady, and we all know what that is.

Much more succinct, but good enough. Right there. Took kids to AC for a quick getaway. Why are people taking their children to Atlantic City? Yeah, especially if you call it AC, you know what happens. Yeah, you know what happens. You're from the East Coast, a quick getaway. It's not like you flew across the country for this.

You know AC's a piece of shit is what you know. Nobody says we're going to AC for family time. For the kids, no. Old ladies on buses used to go there. That's the main thing. You get big busloads of old ladies that would go down there. And then degenerate gamblers and scumbags and mob guys after they just killed someone. You know what I mean?

who goes to Atlantic City. Nobody else. Here we go. They chose to go to the water park. Oh, so she's putting it on her kids. It's not my fault. Listen. This was the worst decision.

Of course, again, their decision. Because I left it up to the kids. I had no agency in it. It's not on me. Not me. I'm not the one with a debit card. They had the money. I don't know.

And their day was completely wasted. Kids stood in line for almost two hours to get in. Yeah. What? How does that happen? Two hours to get in? Is it that busy? That's crazy.

The only thing I'd ever wait online for two hours for, and it happened to me recently, was at the Atlanta airport, and that was to get the fuck out of Atlanta. So I was happy to wait two hours on a line to get the fuck out of Atlanta, as long as there was a plane taking me out of there when it was over with. And as long as I have two hours to spare, because I don't, I can't remember the last time I showed. up to the airport two hours in advance. I got there. It was one of those mornings or I was like, wow, Jesus, I'm here early.

It was two hours and 15 minutes ahead of time. Thank God. And then by the end of it, I was, me and this other guy who I waited on line with were sprinting to our gates. He broke off and I went, good luck, man. He goes, good luck, brother. And this black dude, we were just like, we talked for like two hours in line and complained and made fun of people.

And he was like, all right, man, all right, you go. And he broke off and I broke off. He was going to Detroit or some shit. And I was going to New York. Go on without me. Go on. No, go. I sprayed my ankle.

Go. Keep going, man. Save yourself. Save travels, brother. We fought in the trend. You ever see that guy ever again? It's going to be like, we're going to like seeing a Vietnam vet. We're going to hug, bro.

We're going to hug. Like, when we finally got up to the line, we looked at each other. I got up, I was ahead of him one. And I got up first. He goes, he nodded. Like, yeah, man. Like, I was getting paroled. It was the craziest fucking thing.

It was so fucking funny. Okay. Anyway, this place was so over capacity that they couldn't even get a tube for the lazy river. And you were explaining the way the tubes work there. You'll never get a tube. I mean, you'll always get one, but you'll never get one. If you've ever seen one of these things in operation, it makes perfect sense. It really does a great way to put it.

The slides were over an hour wait. And a slide is like, you know, a second and a half long. So that's really not worth it. Oh, that's not getting much bang for your buck there. Ridiculous. My kids left after an hour. Well, okay. You've still, they stood in line for two hours.

Two hours. Then they stood in line for an hour and then left. And then left. Ah, yeah. They came home wet as the locker rooms were too crowded to get in. I've tried contacting the water park with no avail. No one answering the phone. You're telling me this person didn't even go with them?

No, I think they did go with them, but she said... They came home wet. Because I couldn't, they couldn't do anything in the locker room. Right. But did they get my car wet, I think is what she's trying to say. Did they come home wet and then regale her with tales of how long they waited for things? It sounds like she was there. Yeah, I will continue to call and request a full refund for this nightmare of a day.

I feel terrible that my children lost an entire day of their vacation. Of their lives. In Atlantic City. Yeah, you stole that day from them first, I think. You robbed your children of a happy day in their childhood. Happy vacation by taking them to fucking Atlantic City. Dii, one star, one of the worst experiences of my life. Oh, my.

Of my life. Life. Yeah. She's like, you know, my mother got hit by that truck when I was 12. That was pretty bad. You know. 45 years, I've been on this planet. That chick left me at the altar.

That sucked. This ranks right. This is between... This is between two and three. I'm not sure. No management with the lazy river. People dying to get a floaty. Lifeguards just doing nothing and it smells horrible.

Wait till you hear all of the poop that we're going to talk about today. Water smell weird and just disgusting in general. All those water parks are weird smelling water. It's sunblock, insane. amounts of chlorine. Yeah. Urine with food. Yeah.

And sweat. All mixed together for a horrible. Human waste. Yeah. Worst soup that's ever been made. Terrible. Human waste smothered in sunbum. That's not good.

Yeah. And then it says an abandoned water park would be a better option than this place. They wouldn't even. Those are dry. They wouldn't even have water. You just fly off a slide into a fucking 20 foot hole. You'll burn your back. Yeah.

Into a 20 foot concrete hole. There you go. Do that. Okay. Let's see here. Junita, one star. It's a very nice place. Love the atmosphere.

But I witnessed a child poop in the pool. Yes, you did. Which makes me imagine a kid backing up to the edge, dropping his pants, hanging his ass over the water, and shitting directly into the pool. He wasn't in it. He just shit in it. Yeah. That's how. I picture it, just dropping a turd from the side.

But really leaning his ass over to make sure it doesn't hit the deck, you know, got to get it in the water. Yeah. And all they did was get it out. Didn't bother to clean the pool. They just, they brought out the little net and scooped it like it was a leaf. All good. There we go.

No more poop. Oh, God. Ah, boy. Didn't bother to clean the pool. It's a very nice place, but I won't be returning. I know the pools aren't disinfected properly or after. someone poops in them. I love this.

Junita. She's my favorite. That's a great review. It's very, it's calm. It's like, listen, it's a nice place,

but there's shit in there. So, no thank you. Eileen, one star. If you're looking for chaos, questionable hygiene, and a front row seat

to a potential lawsuit, this is your spot. I love when they tell you, if you're looking for these terrible things. They've clearly never heard of capacity limits because this place is packed tighter than a can of sardines. The Lazy River?

More like Lord of the Fly's water edition. What? When you see a picture of it, that's what it looks like. Like I said, it said it last week. It's like the American Dad sketch where they have the only, it's a joke saying, the only place that fat guys can go in a water park is the Lazy River, and they're all floating and they get stuck in a big thing. And then a guy comes with a big stick and, like, dislodges him.

and they all float away together. That's what it looks like. If you say, Lord of the Flies, I just see children's heads on pikes because that's the only thing I remember from that book. That's what this looks like, though. It's utter chaos. It looks like a fucking, like the equivalent,

the organization of a prison yard except with floaties. Imagine being in a tube in poop water and also in prison at the same time. And a bunch of people in DOC orange jumpsuits. That's exactly what it feels like. Lifeguards, more like sunbaters with whistles. Eyes closed. Yeah.

The thing in front of them like Polly Walnuts in front of the fucking pork store. Some zinc on his nose. Oh, yeah, the whole deal. Completely incompetent. Finding a seat is a full contact sport and I don't even think about, and don't even think about leaving your bag on a tendon unless you're ready to play. Real life, where's my wallet? Lots of sketchy people around.

In Atlantic City. Right. It is literally one of the highest crime rates in the world because it's just terrible place. It's just awful. And there's gambling. So if you leave money around, are you out of your fucking mind? You're crazy. The only pool looked like it had been marinated in Mountain Dew.

Oh. Little on the green. Yellow side. Yeah. And this was an hour after opening. Staff across the board were rude unhelpful and gave off strong, not my job, energy. Yeah. Hard pass.

I'd rather do cannonballs into a parking lot puddle than come back. Okay. Okay. Wow. Samantha, one star. Let's see if she's got the same complaints here. Yeah. They allowed way too many people in at a time.

That seems to be a common complaint. Anybody with money and who's there is coming in this motherfucker, it seems like. It sounds like people that own these places would never step foot in there. So they're like, you know what I mean? They're like, well, I'm going to take all the money I can from each and every degenerate that will go to a water park. Hire a bunch of juniors in high school and stay home. Don't live in Atlantic City.

Sit by my own pool. All alone. No piss. The pool was shoulder to shoulder of people and looked cloudy. Yuck. We only stayed for an hour and a half. Also, if you have someone under 36 inches, don't bother. They can't even go down the little kid's slide.

And if you weigh over 300 pounds, don't bother walking up one of of those slides, they don't allow you on. I think that's pretty obvious reasons there probably. Is your family full of midgets and fat people? I think, yeah, just, this is my husband, and he's like, hey, how you doing? He's like, you know. I'm 34 inches. He's 34 inches.

And she carries him, like, in one of her rolls. And that's how they walk around the water park. It's very nice. Okay. Maddie, one star. There are better water park in New Jersey. This one. Water Park is the worst.

$69 per person. Are you shitting me? Shit. $69 per person. To get sick. The fuck out of here. $69? That's crazy.

$69. That shit better be wild. It better be elaborate. There better be 30 slides. I mean, it's like 110 to get into Disneyland. And they have... Yeah. When you walk around, you throw a gum wrapper on the ground.

Before you even, like, look down at it. There's a guy there sweeping you up. It's fucking, like, and that place is every, every bush is, every leaf is immaculate. Like, it's perfect. This is a, this is a, this is a cloudy shitpool. $40, James. And it has a water slide that you go uphill. Like, it has jets in it.

Oh, Jesus. It pushes you in a floaty, it's a fucking six flags. Yeah. Water park. Yeah. And it's real. $40. This is $70 to get Gartia?

This is, there's nothing for kids to do. Atlantic City. If you brought, if you degenerate fucking gamblers, couldn't get babysitters for the fucking weekend, take an afternoon off of losing the mortgage to the house and, you know, losing your, your kid's college fund and bring them here for an overpriced fucking afternoon. In the end, you'll save money because you lose more on the tables, you fucking loser. You're willing to piss money away. Piss it away here. Piss it away here. And have your kids piss in our pool. By the way, you can shit in our pool if you'd like. We'll just scoop it out with the

fucking leaf net. The skimmer. No place to sit. Lazy River is overcrowded. Employees don't even care. People are eating and others changing diapers on the same table. Oh, no. What?

You don't want to grab the wrong tamale, my friend. I'll tell you that much. That sounds fucking horrific. Yikes. Pool too small, overcrowded. Wow. Vanessa, one star. Never in my life

Have I ever been body shamed? Oh, this is going to be ugly. This is going to... She sounds pissed. On top of it, all caps, by a worker. Oh, yeah. You don't pay $69 for people to call you a fat ass. That's not good.

I would be pissed, too. What'd they say? Online for a ride with my son. Our turn is next, and the male worker turns to me and asks me to get on the scale. Oh, God. He's got a scale.

I want them to do that at the DMV also. Because you say your height, but then you got to stand up against the thing on the wall and they take the picture. So they can tell if you're lying there, but you know that they look at some people and they go 125, huh? Is that right? Okay. You know, this is actually needed for identification. Why don't you step over to the side here? We have a little way of verifying.

I'll give you 10 pounds either way. way, you know. But I'm not getting, you know, because this could be a bad day, could be retaining water. Yeah, yeah. I'll spot you 10 because you may have taken, you may wage yourself two weeks ago. You got a big dinner last night. I get it. I understand.

We went to the buffet or whatever. Had a bad couple of weeks. Oh, and we're, by the way, making fun of everybody here, by the way. Also, I'm fat as shit. The ladies here, yeah. I just bought jeans, without trying them on. I have to return them. I'm not, I'm not 34 anymore.

This is, by the way, an insight. Three months ago, I get on the phone with Jimmy one day and we're bullshitting. And he says the funniest line that I've ever heard in my life and I keep fucking repeating it over and over again to myself to make myself laugh. I go, how you doing? He goes, I'm the fattest I've ever been, James. The way you said it was so fucking. fucking funny. I'm the fattest I've ever been, James.

It's so depressing. You said it just like in vacation when Jane Kerkowski says, but daddy says, I'm the best at it. You said it the same way. I'm the fatest I've ever been, James. Like, it was like almost a smug brag, but also you were not happy about it. I'm so upset about it. I've not done anything different.

I don't know what's going on. We're getting old. That's what's going on. It's all falling apart now. I bought jeans without trying them on and was incredibly upset when I went to put them on and could not close them. Did the Charlie Brown head dropped? Good thing. It's still got the size on that strip tape still on the fucking leg.

Because they are going right the fuck back. Oh, my God. Asked me to get on the scale. I look over to see the weight limit is 300 pounds. And I look at him and I say, are you serious? Ah! She said, I'm 5'3 160 pounds. Which is not 300 pounds by any stretch.

He eyeballed her and looked at a specific spot and was like, that looks, you're pretty big. It's not that. You cannot confuse 53160 for three bills. No way. That's a whole of the world. Yeah, that's great. Well, she says he giggles and goes, okay, you can go. He was trying to be funny.

Oh, he was flirting. To me, that sounds like a bad flirt. Yeah. That sounds like a bad. He's a child. Is it a child? It might not be. It might be a guy.

I mean, I'm sure they hire like, you know, the mentally insufficient or whatever. I don't know how you want to put it. But I'm sure they hire people with older people. Some disabilities. Can't get another job somewhere. I don't know. Yeah. You know.

But he giggles and go, okay, he was trying to be funny. spoke to management and was supposed to be offered a refund and still nothing. It's been over two weeks. They were hoping you'd forgotten. Yeah, they were like, she'll forget about that by that. Someone else will call her fat by then, right? I guess I don't know what the hell's going on. We don't need to give her fucking money back.

He said step on the scale. Jesus Christ. Joe Dazia, one star. I got injured at this park. Oh, boy. There's a big water bucket that fills up with water than dumps onto the crowd. Yeah. That's fun.

Well, it depends on how big this thing is. Well, this is the thing. The water pressure was so strong that it caused a big bump on my head. How strong? That's impossible. Not the water. You could fire, it might get the skin irritate. Like, if you fired it from a fire hose.

Yeah. It would irritate the skin. Yeah. It would fucking, you know, you'd be a red skin. But it wouldn't, like, cause a hematoma, like a blood. It wouldn't cause a bruise. raise a Warner Brothers not on your head. Like Moe hit you on top of the head of the fucking hammer.

You wouldn't do that. No. This is ridiculous. Wow. Okay. So that's what I went on Monday and today is Friday and the bump is still there. Wow. Okay.

I now have head and neck pain. What the fuck? There was something in that water. Yeah. Well, there had to be. This is crazy. I contacted the park and still haven't heard from the manager like they said I would. Please do not go here.

but if you do, beware of the giant waterpuck, especially for children and babies. If they don't do something, someone's going to get seriously hurt. I'm praying that isn't the case for me. I thought it wasn't that bad, but I'm in lots of pain now. Good Lord.

Okay, this one much more simple here, much simpler. Linda, two stars, or one star, sorry, smells like a nasty, dirty diaper in the entire building. Yeah, because there's a lot of them. Because there's shit everywhere. that's a good reason. Not sure, not enough places

to sit for the crowd way overpriced. Lifeguards are rude. Rude. K-square, one star. Okay. I know people aren't

fond of AC. Yes, you do. But it was always close of a drive and I always came and for the most would have a good time. This is going to be an adventure

reading this fucking thing. For the most would have a good time. I'm not sure. what's going on in the world that's making everyone so mean. Okay, this has nothing to do with. No. You're just in New Jersey.

That's, uh, worse. You're dishing out many in tough times to be treated like an animal. Oh boy. Uh-huh. I waited forever to be served. Watched the bartender serve others who arrived after me. When he finally poured my wine,

I noticed I had a fly in my drink, all caps. Yeah. I informed him to which he responded, do you want me to scoop it out? I got a skimmer over there I was gonna say hello let me grab the skimmer

I got that kid's shit out with hold on a second it should work for this too when I said and drink fly wine uh huh he rolled his eyes and grabbed it from me

and poured me a new one like uh fucking diva over here needs wine without like a fly a fly took a bath in doesn't want like a fly leg floating around in her fucking wine uh he was beyond

it's Woodbridge lady it's not this is from the Sarah Boone case we know. It's just like 1299 for a half gallon. The fly didn't land in there. It probably came out of the fucking bottle. What kind of wine we have at the water park? This came right from the factory like this.

It's horrible. Okay. He proceeded to talk about me to the other bartender. You can't make this stuff up. Then it's the best line ever. Worst birthday ever. Oh, people will do anything for their birthday. It's a birthday. Why is that funny?

Jimmy, why is that funny? She went to a fucking water park for her birthday. In Atlantic City. If she opened up with, I went for my birthday, I would have never lie, I would have went, oh, Jesus, I could think of better things to do on your birthday. But to have all that and then go, worst birthday ever is the greatest. She made it a punchline. That's a comedy writer right there. She should really write comedy.

She's terrific. Oh, God. Jessica, one star. I was walking near the entrance and felt something sharp poke my foot. Uh-oh. So I went to sit down and I found a piece of small blue glass in my foot. I also wasn't enjoying my time for the amount of money I spent. This place, no bueno.

No, bueno. I got my foot. Worst birthday ever. Your's birthday ever. Easter ever. She fat, so all she got was a cut on her foot. And what was the other part she didn't like about it? It's just, didn't think it was bang for the buck value-wise.

Didn't have the greatest time. Yeah, that's, that seems that. That's a zero star? That's zero star. My God, this fucking lazy river, man, it is insanity. It is just, it's packed. I kind of want to go now. It's so packed.

There's a picture here. People have floats and they're like sideways and like you get some pot. You're just floating if there's no. like movement or there's no it's impossible to do anything there's no fun here this is fucking horrendous oh my god this picture's even worse okay uh jevin jevin jevin one star absolutely disgusting all right this place is fairly new when it's a shame the people go there are filthy animals i'm talking about poop vomit and food all over the floors as they run around barefoot Ah, Jesus Christ.

Good God. And then they're going to go put that. Put those feet in the water. In the lazy river, there's a strict rule that everybody must be on a float. I had to get off my float to help my three-year-old with his, where I was reprimanded by the staff. Meanwhile, your whistles for that. Meanwhile, rowdy teenagers pushing everybody and swimming were ignored. Yeah, because they're afraid of them.

That's why. Right. Yeah, lifeguards. 17-year-old kiddies like, those kids go to my school. They're going to kick my fucking ass if I blow the whistle at them. You defined them as rowdy. These are teenage kids that are lifeguards. They're responsible.

They're not rowdy. They don't do that. Yeah. Oh, my God. Guess it's easier to approach me than them. At night, the hotel is similar to a carnival cruise. Loud music, bumping all night. I was excited to see a family-friendly resort in Atlantic City.

sadly, this just wasn't it. No, it doesn't exist. No. I've stayed at resorts, hard rock, ballys, and ocean previously, and all were more pleasant stays. My sister complained about the disgusting mess and got her money back.

I consider doing the same, but truthfully, it's not worth it. I'll never be back. There you go. Okay. Then finally, Suzanne, one star, gotta end with this. We had a bad experience.

It was very overcrowded, and there was poop on the floor. There will be poop, everybody. There will be poop if you go to an Atlantic City. On the floor. On the floor. Just poop on the floor is a bad sign. People have given up.

All right. Let's head somewhere with much less poop. What do you say? All right. Let's head out west, other side of the country, completely, and go to Mount Rainier National Park. What do you say? It should be lovely. Beautiful picture here of this meadow leading up to these giant beautiful snowcat mountains.

and we have done the drive through this area, and it's fucking beautiful even in the distance. It's gorgeous. A man's stolen airplane as a baggage attendant just to go see Reneer. It's gorgeous. It is beautiful. And then crashed the plane, but Reneer was the goal. Hopefully, did he get to see it before he crashed?

I think he did. He crashed into Mount Reneer. And he crashed it into an uninhabited island. I was to say crashed into Mount Reneer. He saw it, and he saw it real close, and then he didn't see it anymore. This place, by the way, if you don't know, is in Sunrise, Washington. It's out in Washington State. It's pretty.

It's a national park. And it has 4.9 stars. Almost perfect. You know how little things that have like more than 10 reviews have 4.9 stars? It's crazy. People find something to bitch about. This has 20,000 reviews, 4.9 stars. So essentially, when 20,000 people rate it this way, if you, you, you know, you know, you know,

If you rate at one star, you're wrong at that point. You're a monster. It's not a matter of opinion anymore. You did it wrong. Something, it's on you, whatever you did. Everybody else loves it, cockhead, you know? You're the problem. You're the problems.

Let's find out what these assholes think about this. Sarah, five stars. Beautiful park. Enjoy the short hikes. Plowed really well so you can still get to the visitor center and everything in the winter. Lots of signage. though you have to be aware that most of those signs will be buried in snow in November through May. And there's pictures of this snow going up to the mountain and the pine trees.

Any pictures of anybody getting plowed? Nope, nobody getting plowed, unfortunately. It looks like kids are like cross-country skiing on the meadow there. It looks lovely. Sophie here, another five-star, Mount Ranier is absolutely breathtaking. Yeah, I've only been there once, but we'll definitely be returning. there are so many hikes and trails to go on with such amazing perspective of the mountain. These photos were taken on the trail to Mount Fremont, Mount Fremont lookout on the sunrise side.

If you think these pictures are amazing, the view is even more amazing in person. They don't do it justice. It's absolutely not. It's beautiful. Haley, one star. Let's see how you fuck this up, Haley. Let's see how you fuck this up. How dumb is Haley?

Okay. Wow. We stopped to take some roadside pictures. We were within the barrier separating the road and the park. And a ranger flashed his lights and over his loudspeaker asked us to walk to his car. He got out and asked, you guys know what you did wrong, right? We said no, quite respectfully, truthfully, trying to understand. Rather than explain the situation, he about had a connipion.

Okay. We've been to countless national parks across the country and have never had an issue taking roadside pictures, especially as we were standing within the barrier. After he saw our out-of-state plates, he let us off with a warning, but still failed to let us in on what the warning was even for in the first place. I googled it after he left and assumed it's because in Washington, the roads are considered off-trail or something.

I'm not sure totally, I'm not sure I totally understand. As you drive through in a vehicle, much heavier and faster than any human, but a little foot traffic is too much. No, your car can't come off the fucking road. I was going to say you parked on the side of the fucking road. That's the problem. You're going to cause an accident. You left the pavement, you fucking moron.

What's the problem? On the road side, literally made by man, to be fair, I could be wrong, as the Ranger never told us what the problem actually was. Who knows, man. All I know is we won't be back. I was heavily pregnant at the time, and it's about to put me into early labor. And it about put me into early labor. What a weird park. That was so stressful.

You did it wrong. A guy told you, hey, you know what you did wrong, right? That put you in early labor? Holy fuck, don't ever drive a rush hour. She's going to have us believe that a forest ranger stopped her and said, you know what you did wrong, right? And she said, no. And he said, all right, now just get out of here. That's what, that was the interaction.

She's so dumb. That's the interaction. That's, I mean, any of these one stars, normally a lot of times we'll be like, you know, hey, that sounds legitimate or whatever. Yeah. This is your fault. Whatever you did wrong. You aren't allowed to leave the pavement in the area that you were at, and you did. That's the problem.

It's a beautiful mountain. If you didn't enjoy it, go fuck yourself. I don't know what to tell you. You know what I mean? That's what it is. It's right there. It's a giant mountain. You like it or not.

Fuck you. Billy, one star. A national park shouldn't have wait times. The infrastructure isn't there to support the number of visitors, and the parking doesn't support the amount of vehicles. Right. Yeah. Okay.

It's got to pick when you go. different times. Don't go to Sedona, motherfucker. Oh, good luck. You will sit in five miles of traffic to get into a parking lot that holds 100 cars. If that, yeah.

Yeah. You're not getting in. A lot of times it's because of how the actual, like, earth is. You know, there's a mountain here. It can't support more parking, A, and B, you don't want to be on a trail with fucking 1,000 people. I mean, this sounds like the people

who want the mall at the Grand Canyon back in the day. Yeah. Unprepared people doing unprepared shit. Yeah. Unprepared. That's a good way to say it. The mountain and park are among the nation's finest, but are ruined because they haven't adjusted for the increase of tourism and local population growth. Ruined. Yeah. Nature should adapt to you, you dick it. They should, yeah, they should. Nature's the mountain should know to seed to more visitors now. Well, there's no people. We got to shave some of this mountain. know.

Hey, recess ourselves into the earth, guys. Let's go. Mike, one star, who doesn't want to drive across the country only to be turned away at the gate by a smug jerk? Because you need a reservation to get into a park that you already paid for with your tax dollars. Sir. The moose out. Wow. Wow.

They don't even post it anywhere noticeable. on their website. It's funny because I bet everybody else knew. Yeah. So if a bunch of people who are standing there with reservations, I bet it's Googlable. Yeah. I bet you should probably check that out before you drive across the country. He drove across the country and didn't research. And I guarantee you, he didn't drive across the country to see Mount Rainier. No, no. Drove across the country for some other purpose, decided to go here also, and now they're going to put the whole trip on Port Mount Rainier here. He went to Seattle to see the Mariners and was like, it'd be crazy if we just went up to the

mountain. Wouldn't that be cool? The National Park Service and the government are a joke! They're a joke, man. I don't disagree with that. What's up? That party's starting to make sense. Now he's going to... Yeah, well, now he's getting to something that's nothing to do with the fucking mountain.

That's the thing. That's a whole other issue at that point. Don, one star. I flew five hours to Seattle, drove two hours to sit in traffic for one hour. This is getting fun. And if one train leaves ball more at 1240 going 48 miles an hour

and another one leaves Philadelphia Okay to sit in traffic near the entrance to find out you need all caps and in quotes reservations Right To enter a state park Three question marks and two exclamation

points. It's not a state park number one What kind of pot smoking Lawmaker thought that was a good idea? Okay, now he's going to make it. Me, cockbag, go fuck yourself, Don. eat a dick, Donnie boy. Now he's like fucking Washington legalized weed

so I'm going to bring that up in my review of Mount Rainier. Yeah. Review that a lot of people wanted to see a mountain. Must be because they're so stone they're going to find it totally trippy, man. It's like cool down here

but snowy on top, bro. You know what I mean? That's what they're all going to be doing. All right. Anna, one star. Our plans were thwarted by a lack of accurate information shared on the website.

Did you check the website? They did check the website. Paradise Inn states that they are open for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Okay, so it's an inn now. This is something near the mountain. When we arrived, we were informed they were not serving lunch. Yeah, so Reneer will pay my fucking wrath. No cheeseburger in Paradise for me.

Okay. Should have creams. What happened? She had to have craves. Yeah. I won't have it. Our trek from paradise to the gondolas was halted due to a road closure. We had to backtrack to take an alternate route.

Not enough time to catch the gondolas before they closed at five. Pertinent info that should have been prominent on their website. Hashtag fail. Hashtag. In the review. As if somebody's going to type in hashtag fail. type in hashtag fail and look and find this review that's what they're looking for and there's a picture of the road closed yeah most people that look up hashtag fail they're looking for little kids falling down they don't want to read your fucking mountain review yeah they want to watch a guy shoot over his handlebars on a bicycle that's what they want and there's a picture of the road closed then another picture of the most beautiful picture ever it's at least worth four stars there's a valley with puddley trees leading right up to this majestic snow-covered mountains.

It's gorgeous. It's a fucking, it looks fake. It's ridiculous. Which one is there, isn't one of those two up there? Is it, uh, one of those mountains is the logo for Paramount, isn't it? That I don't know. Or is that in Alaska? It might be the Nali or something like that.

That sounds reasonable. But I swear it's, I swear it's the northwest. Either one of those sound reasonable to me. Yeah. So you, I think you're right about one of those. One of those seems to be right. It's, it's, it's west and. north with the paramount.

And if you saw that motherfucker from 20 miles away, you'd be blown away. We did. We saw it from a long distance on the road. And we were like, wow, look at that. It was like way. It was a hundred miles away from it probably, maybe not 100. But it was a distance. We were like, wow.

Cheryl, one star, never even made it into the park. There was road construction, and they were only letting a few cars by every 15 minutes. Very frustrating. Incredibly frustrating. We and lots of others turned around and left instead of waiting hours to even go through the gate. Wow. Okay, so that's the mountains fault. All right.

Yeah. It should have been more hospitable to you. Yeah. Laura, one star. There are no marked trails and no directional arrows telling you what direction to even walk in like you get at a national forest. What do you need fucking fake Bigfoot footprints to follow? See where it goes higher. That's up.

That's the mountain. That's up. And then when you go the other way, you feel like gravity's helping you. That's down is how that works. When your knees start shaking, probably down. That's down. You got to watch out for that one. If your calves are burning, it's down.

If your thighs are burning, it's up. That's up. Okay? That's how you know. Those are the directions, dick fuck. All right. So I'm not sure if all places are like that. But we were planning to go to Tahoma.

suspension bridge suspension with a T T by the way What? I wish everybody could have seen that Jimmy just stopped and I saw him Going fucking layer He had a picture of word drawn out with a T Above it like bouncing around trying to find a place to squeeze in

He couldn't fit it anywhere and then just went Huh? What the fuck? Yeah Square peg round hole man That's it instead of S ION it's T ION Yeah suspension bridge Indian Henry's hunting cabin and reflection lake,

but couldn't figure out how to get there. Also, you cannot have pets anywhere in the, quote, park unless it's in the parking lot or campground. They don't want to clean up your pet shit everywhere. That's why. It's a pristine area. A park ranger stopped us in the parking lot and told us we couldn't take our dog on the trails,

which was fine. But then he demanded to run both mine and my husband's IDs before letting us go. after spending $30 to get in and at least $20 in gas to get there, it was not worth it to me, and we are not planning on going back. Okay, don't go back. They'll go back. Chad, one star, so overcrowded, absolutely horrible experience.

Thousands of people at Paradise Inn. Yeah, no cheeseburger in paradise for you. Closest parking over five miles away down the mountain. Uh-huh. You have to walk up. So much for time. entry, wasn't even able to get out of the car to use a bathroom, had to travel to packwood because every other place you could stop at the bathrooms were locked.

Oh, no. Oh, boy. Okay. Okay, Sylvia, one star. She's an old lady, and her pictures are fucking hilarious. They're great. Okay. The picture, she looks, you know, 75 years old, I would say.

Yeah. The first picture here, one is of the Mount Rainier sign where, the edge of the sign is completely cut off, and it's like a Dutch angle, like trying to get avant-garde in a film. Okay, it's kind of dutch it. Not on purpose, clearly. This is not for art's sake.

It's the whole left side of it's just without the sign. Then there's a picture of not Mount Rainier, but some other hill through her car window, which is just covered in like rain streaks and like a couple of bugs. You can barely see out of it. It looks like you're looking out of a prison glass. Then the other one is taken, if you were going 75 miles an hour,

and we're trying to take video of just the side of the road of bushes that were right there. And then took a still of that, just a blurred patch of green. Just shit going by. She posted that, though. That's posted on her review, which is crazy. Barbara did that? Sylvia. Sylvia.

big mistake to take this mountain road turned out to have a view from this scary drive up a neighboring a neighboring mountain to view mount rainier itself you're driving up a fuck the road was a mountain going up a mountain jimmy she's upset about that they should have had a six lane freeway going up that mountain and there's three terrible pictures to prove three guy awful fucking pictures that make no sense um next up arnold schwarzenegger what i mean we can only hope it's the real guy no picture, so I doubt it. No. I call bullshit.

Yeah. One star, do not get directions to this location. They will take you in the middle of nowhere in a bumpy dirt road without asphalt. It's not paved up the mountain, really? No. This is far too fluent in English to be Arnold anyway. No, it's not Arnold. Yeah, there would be some words missing once in a while.

It's crazy. He's been here so long. It still hasn't learned the language. Eh, that happens. You met my grandmother. She got here in like 1947. But I don't even know if he speaks another language. That's true.

He doesn't even speak Austrian anymore. What languages do you speak, Arnold? Broken English. Oh, okay. Incredibly broken. That's it. That's his entire repertoire. That's what he's got.

You will be misleaded. Mislead. It might be Arnold. This could be. To pay $30 and the dollar signs after the 30, like European style. Oh. It's getting closer. Jesus, he's convincing me.

I'm telling you, for a pass in the middle of the forest. Then there's no reception for internet. Yeah. There's no internet on Mount Rainier? There's no reception for internet. In the middle of nowhere.

On top of it. Why the, oh my, okay. And you'll find yourself one hour away from the actual mountain. Right. I learned this the hard way. I lost my day, my gas, my tires. What?

Lost my tires. And $10 for a car wash and my family got sick from all the unnecessary driving. Do yourself a favor and get directions to Paradise Mount Rainier. Avoid coming here at all costs. I swear to God, all capital letters. I swear to God. Ah, shit. It might be Arnold.

We're not positive. I swear to God. I swear to God. Hiroshi. Yeah. One star. You see Hiroshi and you want it to be broken English now. I can't wait.

You're like, oh, please, but it's probably not. What is wrong with this new generation of young people today? Great question. Yeah, not honorable like grandfather. At a fucking time. All right, maybe he is Japanese. Who knows? They should all lie on sword.

Yeah, that's what I feel like Boussari. You know what? Damn it, we did it again. we got what there's we'll do we have these reviews of your stupid opinions and there's this one where this person is a fan of the show and they really like the show and they're Asian and they're like

and I just think they pick on Asians a little bit it's fine though it's really funny and I love the show and I'm not saying they're dicks or anything like that but we get some strays once in a while and I read it and I went that's kind of fair it's fair I don't know why it is take it easy on us

yeah it's I don't know what it is it's because I don't know I don't know why it is They seem to, their reviews, their English is in a certain way that's just when you're reading it, just rhythmically kind of funny. I don't know what it is, but it's not, nothing personal. Sorry. I do love, I don't know what I'm saying that out loud feels shitty too. I do love it. Like a misguided Asian joke from like somebody who was, like that a couple weeks ago, somebody said Oriental.

And it was like, this is so much fun to laugh at. We're not laughing at Asians. We're laughing at that guy. No, I'm letting at the stupidity of somebody calling something oriental. But in the end, the Asians catch the strays, and that's the fucking weird part. I don't get why they end up doing it. Sorry. We see it.

We're sorry. We're sorry. And also, it's still pretty fucking funny. But we just said. So it doesn't matter. He also laughed at it. We're not that sorry. Because it's pretty funny.

But at the same time, if you catch a stray, we didn't mean to shoot your way. We apologize. It's not in hate. I'll tell you that. No, that's not at all. It's never that. No, just dumbness in general fucking stupidity probably on our parts. It's just fucking funny.

And also we like to laugh. Yeah. We're in the same room. We feel like we're just having a good time. Yeah, I forget that you guys could hear this. You should hear what he says when the mics are off. Oh, my God. Wow.

It is just oriental this scenario. It's wild, boy. Jimmy goes off the deep bed. Jimmy goes off the deep end, boy. I'll tell you something. Okay. I like boondocking and just about everywhere I go. Boondocking?

Yeah, it's camping without any... It's like camping off the grid. It sounds like a dirty term. Camping? Because of what docking is. Yeah. Boondocking is like where you take like an RV or... It's usually with an RV where you just park out there

and you don't have water or electric. You use like a... You know, camping. Yeah, camping. I like camping. Like people are talking. That's what camping is. Yeah.

And then if you have all the running water, that's glamping, right? Yeah. That's what that is. Or that's called getting a hotel room. Yeah. Camping is you shit in a hole and then bury it so the bears don't come, right? That's camping. Well, if you boondock, you can boondock an RV out in the woods where you just shit in a

plastic toilet and then you dump it later. Sounds lovely. That's boondocking. And just about everywhere I go, I now see a lot of trash left behind. Beer cans, toilet paper, tarps, etc. You're just making it harder on everybody else that respects the land that we camp on. He's talking about respect. Hiroshi, we can't help.

I'm so sorry. This is America. If the next line has the word honor in it, I'm going to lose my shit. And I won't be able to help it. I'm sorry. You should all fall on a sword. You should all fall on a sword. You clowns are going to get everything close up because you don't pack out your garbage.

Right. Are going to get everything too close up is what he's trying to say. I think he means closed up. Closed up or too close up, one of the two. Show some respect for others, please. There it goes. But you know what? Hiroshi's also 100% right.

Yeah. Everything is said is right. It's not one star. It's not one star. It's literally adults. I see it all the fucking time. It drives me crazy. Because, yeah, he's right.

I do like a lot of off-road shit. And when I go out there and I see bed springs and shit like that out there, I'm like, you son of a bitch. It's horrible. But here's the other thing. Yeah, there's like a refrigerator out there. Yeah. With bullet holes in it. How does this give a mountain one star?

Because people leave shit places. That doesn't make sense. It's not a people one star. No. George one star. Poor facilities. Mount Rainier, Washington State, USA. is supposed to be a great place.

Oh, boy, here we go. However, there are no facilities for tourists in Paradise Point, the main area near the mountain and other areas. There aren't enough restaurants and restrooms and food joints. No place to sit or relax. You have to stand in a queue to use the toilet, which is not clean in parentheses. On holidays, while thousands of tourists come here,

they struggle to manage the time on the mountaintop. authorities who collect 30 U.S. dollars per vehicle should improve the facilities for tourists, at least build more toilets and restrooms, and food joints. Food joints. He has to. He really wants the joints. Why does it have to be a food joint? It's so weird.

Taurus should avoid holidays to visit the place. And then he signs it, George, Seattle. Seattle. He's from Seattle. That guy's from Seattle. He's talking about USA? And it's one star. and he posted the most majestic

fucking picture of all times. It is down into a valley with the mountain out in front of him. The pine trees are in front of him and there is water down below. There's like a lake down there and then the sun is coming where it's obviously a sunset

so there's like purple and orange. Oh my God. Does the mountain reflect in the pond? No, that too. The pine trees are all reflective in the pond. It's fucking ridiculous. It's, magical Bob Ross would come in his fucking pants if he saw this shit.

Do you understand? And this guy, one star. One star. Fuck off. Okay. Where's your toilets? Turn around. Look.

Okay. By the way, my cousin Ian here, who does, gets a lot of these reviews for us and, you know, cultivates them all here. He wanted us to know that he looked at this person, next person's other reviews. and he's not joking, basically. They're legit. This is what he does. Okay. Cree, one star.

Okay. This is like a normal review for this guy. He's not full of shit. Honestly, a huge waste of space. Waste of space. Waste of it gets better. Government should cut the mountain down. What?

And put a parking lot or something useful here. Wow. Joni Mitchell weeps and here we are. Is this so what the fuck? What is he talking about? They could add like an Arby's or a mall or something. An Arby's. This is my favorite.

A climbing gym. That what? Simulates a fucking mountain, you asshole. What does a climbing gym simulate, stupid? Holy. Or an REI so that you can buy your outdoor gear would be really cool too. You're outdoor. By then, it'll be useless because there's just a parking lot where you would want to use your outdoor shit.

You know how there's videos where you see like a mob of people attacking one person and I don't want I'm like uncomfortable with that kind of shit. I would love to watch a video, like the Gaddafi video. Remember when they killed Gaddafi and Libya? They were like tearing his fucking arms off and shit. I would like to see that video with this person. I would really enjoy. I would watch that and enjoy it. I really think I would.

His own tongue up as a house. Just, I mean, really twisting his head up around him and that would be wonderful. Okay. Sam, one star. Absolutely amazing. All caps, exclamation point. One star. The park is well kept and the views are gorgeous.

Definitely worth a trip and the best. First of the five stars. You misunderstood how stars were. Yeah. He said one star is the most. That's the best. Number one star. Yeah. That's what I'm told in Europe that one star means like it's everything. Yeah, I think that these, they misunderstood.

It's not translating to America. We got to tell the Europeans, we don't do it like that. Stop fucking up our places. Yeah. I think Calvin did the same thing. Very nice mountain, one star. That's what they wrote in their review. Then finally, two more here, very short.

Mitchell, one star. No water fountains at the top. At the top. No water fountains. The most remote part of this mountain, no water fountains. I didn't have enough plumbing up here. I'd really like them to run. The hardest place to get anything.

Run pipes right through the rock. Get it up here. No water fountains. You know what else? They wouldn't deliver Amazon up there. It was weird. I thought I could get the same day deal and they wouldn't bring it to me. I was like, oh, shit.

Prime. Fucking, I pay for it. No point. I pay for this. Eric, finally, one star. Too many flowers, not enough mountains. Too many flowers. Too many flowers.

Too many. It's too goddamn beautiful. Beautiful wild natural flowers. Too many. So many colors. I was hoping for gray. Yeah. It's like if we did a review of a lake and they were like one star caught way too many fish.

It was really, I mean, they were jumping in the boat practically. It was too many fish. enough waves. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I was fishing that day, but still, like, give me some waves. Okay, let's get the fuck away from that mountain before my head explodes. And let's, and I swear to God, I didn't do this on purpose. And now it's just, now it's just extra funny.

Let's, I guess, make fun of Asians more because we're going to the Bonn Orient buffet. Where is that? Why did I pick this? What of them? God, darn. Orient. It's in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

We're all the best Chinese food is. Most diverse place on earth. Oh, yeah. 2260 West Mason Street, Green Bay, Wisconsin. It is 2.7 stars out of 406 reviews. And it is now permanently closed. Yeah. Not good.

Bonn means good, right? In Spanish. I was just saying, not fucking Chinese. It beats the shit out of me. What the hell bond means? Chinese. French is bone, yeah. Not,

yeah, Bueno, and Buena in yeah, yeah, Spanish. Bone is good in French,

though. But yeah, and I don't know, the Bonn-Orient buffet. I don't know. Maybe that's my. They saw fondalack

down the road and they're like, I guess we do anything in French here. Yeah, people, they don't know the difference. Baxter,

five stars. The food is just fine. It's just fine. It's just fine. It's just fine. It is hot enough, fresh, taste good. The variety is plentiful. The price is reasonable.

They are open late every evening, even on Sundays. They even have a television in there to entertain you while you eat. So you can watch the Packers on Sunday. Oh my God, even on Sundays. Okay. Any restaurant, not a bar, a restaurant with a TV up is a bad sign. Except, you know what? It's not for ethnic restaurants, though.

I was saying my Spanish restaurant My Mexican food restaurant on the street You know what? I take that back Any place that's run by Americans If there's a TV up It's a shithole scumbag place Yeah

Because I was thinking every like Italian deli too They have a fucking soccer game on on the TV Like every ethnic place I can think of They have TVs on and it's still delicious Yeah I was watching YouTube videos Love Univision but they also love the soccer stuff on I was watching They had YouTube shit of like

food preparation things at the great Thai restaurant by me that I go to all the time. We were watching it the whole time we were waiting for our food because they take a long time. Yeah, I've seen that too. Yeah. And it's worth it. Okay. So that makes sense. It is more enjoyable than eating fast food and the workers are talkative and friendly.

No idea what they say to each other or to me, but they're friendly. I like it. I like it and eat there often during the week. During the week. Often. Dilly five stars. The place I used to come here, but moved to another state after 2004. Just want to bring back memory.

I came here with my teacher and student Franklin Middle School. They wanted to Asian food. I want to Asian food right now. I need the Asian food. It's a necessity tonight. Got to do it tonight. So I came and wow, it was delicious, also my first time ever in a real buffet. Oh, boy.

Well, that's a life, something to notch on your life ladder. That's a life event you want to put down in a, you know, you should get a special, like a photo album for that, really. Print them out. Not that right there on the door frame. Yeah. It's a real buffet. I remember they serve muscles, which I love it. They steam not bake it.

I'm not eating muscles from this place. I'm not eating muscles in Green Bay. No. I love muscles, but you got to be fucking careful with muscles. You eat a bad muscle, you will pay for that shit. You'll never eat muscles again. Wow. I don't remember the rest of the food, but Chalmane was great.

The drink are good. The drink are good. The drink are good. The place is small, but it's still, it's still, it's still can fit about 40 people, I guessing. Question mark? This person is too fun. Summer day I came back here again. My parents wanted to know where is the best place to eat and I told them to come here.

Excellent food and staff member. Just one. Staff member. Or one guy's dick. One of the two. Daniel, one star. No good. No good.

Horrible. Food all dry. Never new food. No fresh. Food all dry. Now, the guy's name is Daniel and then something very Asian also. So this sounds like, and they have 940. They have 941 reviews this person on Google.

Jesus. This is not a hobby. No. 34,086 photos on Google of their reviews. 34,000. I've never taken 34,000 photos in my life. Everyone look in your photos on your phone. It says how many there are.

See if you have 34,000 photos that you've taken. There's no fucking way I have that man. Since I clouds existed. We're, by the way, if you don't know, we're looking right now. Does it say how many there are? I have show photos, show all photos. Oh, 16,624 total I have of everything. 4,658.

I don't take photos. I take them when we're on the road. Yes, on the road. My son graduated high school this week. I took three photos. I'm so bad with pictures, too. I don't care. I don't care.

These go back to like 2008. also. That's forever. Even more. Yeah, forever. That's since I've owned an iPhone. And I don't delete shit though, too. That's the other thing. What is it? I don't delete anything. I'm real bad with that. I just keep buying more space. So I will like-

I don't even buy. I just let it keep going. If I'm trying to take a picture of the dog and I take like seven pictures to get it right, all seven pictures are still in there. So that's why I end up having a lot. I've probably sent every photo I've ever taken to you. Probably. This person Not only has taken 34,086 photos. They've posted 34,000.

Just in their Google reviews. Imagine if they have children, things of that nature, pets, children, their house, other things, nothing else. I love that review, though. No good, horrible. Food all dry. Never new food. No fresh. And it all goes down from the top.

It's not left to right. Linda, one star, stopped here for dinner and was very disappointed in the selection. Absolutely not worth the first. rate they charge $15 per person for dinner. That's cheap.

That's very reasonable. That's reason. For all you can eat, even if it's shit. I mean, Taco Bell sucks, and $15 worth of Taco Bell is an appetizer, barely. I spent $16 on Taco Bell for lunch. It was five tacos. And you only got four. And I only got four.

They only gave you four. They saved me from myself. Well, I told you two fries, a large Coke and a medium strawberry shake, $17 at McDonald's. So, I mean, that's, I could have definitely ate more. You could have sat there with four fucking plates. Yeah. You can tell what was available had been sitting there all day. That's the problem.

There's nothing to even eat. That's, yeah. Fried rice was hard. Don't eat old rice. That's bad. That's how you get food poisoning. Chicken on the stick tasted like it was spoiled. Ooh, chicken skewers?

Chicken skewers, yeah. Definitely wasn't going to trust any of the seafood and dessert items. Fried items were hard and dried out. The place was empty so they weren't going to put stuff out for the evening. No. The only good thing was the green beans. Yeah, those sauteed green beans they always do.

Those are always good. Table was sticky. The man working was really nice, but would not recommend this place at all. Seriously, save the time and money and go somewhere else. I don't think I've eaten at a place in the last five years that when you rest your arm, your forearm on the table, when you pick it up, every time it's sticking. Yeah. Unless there's a cloth. We've eaten in nice places together.

Yes. Unless there's a tablecloth. Yes. Still sticky. You're absolutely right. Every time. Every fucking time. Well, because they wipe this with the rag.

It's the same water. So all the sticky shit gets on the rag and they keep wiping the tables when they're just wiping more sticky shit with water on. One table's got coke. They've all got coke on it. It's all got coke. It's less sticky than the original spill. But now they're all a little sticky. It's diluted sticky.

It's not good. Okay. George, one star. Tell me all about it, George. The food was disgusting. Exclamation point. Overcooked and served cold. They actually have a sign that says,

if you would prefer your food to be a warmer temperature, feel free to use the microwave at the end of the other buffet. Okay, that I'd never heard before. Now we're in a completely new territory. I've never. Feel free. You may cook yourself if you'd like. I went through a buffet phase, by the way,

years and years ago, you know, 15 years ago. in Phoenix where I just went to every goddamn Chinese buffet there was. A good Chinese buffet is a treasure. That's the thing. A really good one. It's so rare. You just got to find the, but a really good one,

I mean, that is worth everything. It's amazing. And the shit one is just bad. I went through a phase of going to every crappy buffet in Phoenix, okay, which is dicey. That's a dicey proposition.

You did good China, didn't you? On 59, on Bell? Is it 59th? 51st? It's a piece of shit. Anything on Bell. Anything.

Yep, done. Anything in North Phoenix. I had a buffet I've been to. And I've never seen a microwave as the eye. I've never heard of that. Never. I've never heard of that in any place that serves food where they go, too cold? There's a fucking Panasonic down at the end.

Go ahead and heat it up there. I recommend two minutes. Like that's crazy. Don't go over that. You'll ruin the rice. But yeah, that. And I ate it like. putting off that plate.

You don't want that. Dude, I ate a lot of sketchy, shitty, I know the one you're talking about. I ate there. It's terrible place.

It's that blue top. Oh, metal corrugated. Yeah, it's a bad, bad cafe. There was one that was so bad we called it North Korea because they would,

there was like three people positioned in chairs around the place, all staring at you while you ate and you looked. Every direction you looked, There was another... This is the DMZ? It was real weird, dude. It was like this place, so we just called it North Korea and we left after a while. Okay, the microwave.

Everything looked as though it was picked over and they did not bother to bring out anything fresh. There's no two. I had to put that in this. While I was there. Waste of money, I will not be going back. Yeah, if in your time at a buffet, you never see somebody turn something over, like move something out and put something else in, you're about to be so sick. You're going to be sick.

I want to see those steam trays moving. Yeah. If you don't throw up, you're going to shit. Something bad's going to happen here. It's going to be bad. Olivia One Star, cold food for over $51 for three people's dinner. So 15 bucks a person plus tax.

15 bucks a person and a drink. Drinks. There you go. You would think the food would be warm. No excuse for cold food. No carbonation in the soda. What? noodles tasted horrible.

Food was mushy. Haiku, I think, is what she's going for here. Absolutely no selection for food. Everything was either empty or cold. I loved it here until today. Until today. Until today. No carbonation in the drink will ruin everything.

Oh, you care. I'm not drinking that. I'm not drinking. It makes everything taste. That's not a soda. No. No, it's not. No, it's a weird cup of syrup.

The whole point of soda, is that it's carbonated. If it doesn't have that, get it the fuck out of here. Yeah. Get effervescent or fuck yourself. That's what I want. Get effervescent or bring me an iced tea.

That's pick one. Verge or verge, one of the two, one star. Food was absolutely terrible. Most of it, you can tell, sat on the buffet for all caps,

a while. Oh, a while. A while. Shit has been there for a minute, my friend. Let me tell you. Oh,

while. Oh, while. Rice and noodles were cold and flavorless. My son and I both got sick shortly after we ate the chicken wings. Oh, you chanced chicken. No, no chicken wings. Especially wings. Wings got to be hotter.

They're poison. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's a great way to put it. If they're not hot, that's poison. That's poison. No good. May as well be fucking antifreeze. You're going to get sick.

I will throw out cold wings or at least heat them up. Maybe if I paid for them. If I get them in their hot, I'm fine with putting them in my own fridge and eating them cold in the morning. Fine, but if I get them cold, I don't know. Not touching it. I don't know. I'm brewing in there. Not a chance.

No. I don't know. If the bacteria on there came from my house, fine. But outside these doors, I'm not having it. If it got cold from the indoors, no. No. If it got refrigerated, fine. But if it got cold from being out, fuck that.

Throw it out. Being existing as chicken. It's trash. From being in the wind? No. In the wind. It got cold from the ceiling fan? Fuck that.

I'm not eating that. Terriaki chicken, more like chicken jerky. Okay. Overpriced and you can find so much better places. Sad thing is, this place used to be good a long time ago, but we will never be going back here. Now I have to eat Chinese food tonight. I was considering it tonight. Now I want, like, decent Chinese food.

I'm like to do the same. Right? It sounds great. Josh. Oh, wow, Josh eats Green Bay. A lot of reviews, this person. Okay. One star.

I once loved this little buffet. On my last couple of visits, though, the food has been bland. Chicken that should be crispy is soggy and sad. Yuck. Many items have a butane infused or plastic-like flavor. What? That doesn't sound good. You're going to love our butane-infused chicken.

I've never had butane-infused. infusement in any food. I know infusing is a popular thing now, but never with butane that I've had. Butane is a crazy choice. That's a wild choice to infuse some shit, man. Okay. Wow. Perhaps most disappointing is that dim sum seems to have left the menu.

Oh. Dim sum was my main reason for coming here in the first place. What is dim sum? You know what? I don't really know if I had to think. I want to say it's like a dumpling type thing, but I, I could be completely wrong. So there's a bunch of different Asian dishes that everybody seems to know them.

I fucking don't. Yeah, there's a couple. Yeah, it's those dumplings. It's like a dump. That's what I thought. Yeah, like a big, they're very popular. They're delicious. I know what they are.

Smooth, right? It's like smooth. Yeah. They're twisted oftentimes. Like a mushroom cat almost on it. Yeah. That's what I thought. Okay.

Callin, one star. Okay. The most incredibly surreal, disgusting. restaurant I've ever been to. The buffet was almost empty, but there was a sign saying we could use the microwave to heat our food, and the food that was available was freezing and very clearly several days old. Oh, God.

God, there was a half of a frozen pizza cardboard, no pizza. By the way, I do enjoy when they put crappy pizza on a Chinese buffet for kids, like, they don't want that. I don't know what, half of a frozen pizza cardboard with no pizza. What kind of pizza? I mean, it wasn't there, so we don't know. It wasn't there. We don't know.

Just grease spots on it. Yeah. The top off was quiet jazz coming from somewhere. We don't. What is that? Kenny G in the background. Do I hear Kenny G. I don't want to hear your alto sax.

Fuck you. Somebody has, Kenny G is the ringtone? What is that? What is that right now? We were only there for about 15 minutes before it was too much. Uh-huh. Okay. We will end it there. Wow.

And we will continue to, I guess, anger the Asian community next week when we continue with the... From the population of Green Bay. Yeah, the Bonn-Orient buffet next week. But I think we've had our fill of crazy for the day. There's been plenty of poop and cold food and people complaining about a mountain existing and not bending to their whims. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with people. But I think we've plumbed the depths today and we should just stop before we really lose our minds and lose all faith in humanity, honestly. That's that's it.

We're going to go kill ourselves, everybody. Thank you so much for joining us. We appreciate it. Enjoy your dim sum. I'm going to go have some myself. Have fun, everybody. Thank you so much. Bye.

Bye.