Your Stupid Opinions - Museum Of Lies, Bony Bologna & Vodka, Roach Hotel, Beware King Hong

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

We look at reviews & complaints about a museum where nothing can be believed, anymore. A hotel that may have unwanted many legged guests & makes you feel like a prisoner. A lunch meat with bone splinters, washed down with a cheap vodka, better used for cleaning metal. A very personal item that could be an effective form of home security & much more!!Join comedians James Pietragallo and Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section!Subscribe and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!!!Don't forget to rate & review!!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to your stupid opinions ad free right now join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts Hello everybody and welcome back to Your Stupid Opinions. Hey! Ho ho! My name is James Petragallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. Thank you so much for joining us.

We have obviously people's complaints and grievances ahead and some people's praise obviously. Sure. We like to throw the five stars in there. But before we get started, definitely follow us on all social media. Do all that good stuff and trade reviews off with other people. It's good stuff.

A lot of fun. And we also have to say, as we say every week, these aren't our opinions. They're just not. These are other people's opinions. We're reading them and making fun of them. That's how this works. So that said, let's dive right in.

Let's go someplace. Let's go to a museum. Let's go someplace nice. Why don't we? We're always going to these gross places. Let's go someplace. Let's go to a museum. Let's go someplace nice. Why don't we? We're always going to these gross places. Let's have a little bit of class. And we are. Let's put a little bit of art,

maybe some literature into this. We're going to the Mark Twain House and Museum. Oh, the Twain. The Twain. And look at this, Jimmy. I'll show you this if you can turn your seat there. Look at that, it's in the mark. Oh, look at that.

Isn't that nice looking? Is that his house? It looks like an old school house. Well, we'll find out here. From the Mark Twain House and Museum, it's the home of Samuel Clemens, AKA Mark Twain. Absolutely, Twain lived in the house from 17, or 1871 to 1894.

Jesus, he was doing great, that's a damn castle. Oh, it's beautiful, he was doing really good. Mark Twain's like the first American stand-up comic. Yeah. He used to, he wrote all that shit, but he used to go or he went around the world just doing hour and a half long funny monologues. So literally going up and doing stand-up before that was a thing, which is so why you gotta, we have to praise Mark Twain, whether you like his shit or not.

That's why his, the award for the best one is named after him. That's it So here while he lived here, he wrote the adventures of tom sawyer prince and the pauper Adventure adventures of huck fin a tramp abroad and a canada kate yankee and king arthur's court So, you know like his most some of his most famous works he wrote while he in this house while he was here It is in Hartford, Connecticut, which I wouldn't expect He's from Missouri and you'd expect it to be some like Midwestern like, you know local some folksy place St. Louis or some shit Yeah, no Hartford, Connecticut. That's where he wanted to live. Yeah, not even on the missip. That's it. It was built in 1874 It's cool like Gothic revival architecture. It's pretty badass here

Let's find out what people think about it though because everybody doesn't like it. What do you know? It has four point six stars on Google out of three thousand reviews somebody's gotta be mad Someone's got to be pissed off. I expected Mark Twain to be our tour guide I thought he was gonna fuck is he forgot he was dead for 120 years. I didn't realize So here is Lisa with five stars The tour was very memorable so many artifacts throughout each of the ornate rooms I was really astonished at all the details that have been so carefully preserved It felt like a trip back in time sounds like exactly what you want out of this place

Yeah, you should be you want to walk in and feel like Mark Twain could be sitting there writing Huckleberry Finn, you know what I mean? Like that's the point I would think. It felt like a trip back in time. Our tour guide was very knowledgeable about Mark Twain and the people in his life. I learned a lot about the late 1800s. I would definitely recommend a visit to the Mark Twain house as well as the museum, which offered a lot of history.

Very nice she's got pictures of the gardens outside, looks beautiful, it's a beautiful place. It looks like even if you don't give a shit about Mark Twain it's a nice place to walk around. Sure sure. See an old house and walk around some pretty yard, nice gardens. Andrea Five Stars had such an amazing time. Great, good, was super lucky and picked a day where I got to be on the

tour all to myself. Oh, she had a private tour. Wow. Wow. So I definitely had a bit more time to look around and appreciate the wonderful architecture and craftsmanship of the restoration crew. Wow. The library is definitely my favorite part, but I loved the drawing room as well. The tour guide was well informed and knew lots of really cool and funny things about the Clemens Family once the tour of the house was over I got to see some cool exhibits and see pens that Mark Twain actually used Not to mention all the beautiful paintings and a small collection of books and personal mementos So I guess that is true. He probably had a family. Nobody knows. Oh fucking wife is, right? Yeah, yeah, we know all about him.

Yeah, Mark Twain. Do we? Yeah, yeah, I've seen, like, I've seen the, Ken Burns has a thing on Mark Twain. Oh, so does he have grandchildren that are still alive? I don't know if they're alive now, maybe. Do you know what I mean, like, great, great, great something? Somebody on down the line?

Did they just fucking end? Pictures of him with little kids on his lap, so either he was weird or maybe those were his grandkids. I'm not sure He's one of those guys though that he looked way older than he was. He looked like the Colonel He looked like he was 78 years old when he was 40. He's one of those guys now Let's go to Sophia not so happy as a matter of fact one star not so happy Okay, not kid friendly and poor customer service happy. Okay, not kid friendly and poor customer service. Okay, it's a museum. You're not really a customer. Number one, just looking around.

There shouldn't be some kids there. That shit's flat fragile. It gets a kid friendly. It's you know whether your kid is museum ready or not. You know what I mean? If your kid's a spastic that runs around throwing his arms out and throwing shit around the place. It's a museum kid. Not a museum kid. If your kid's one of those con kids, take him. We are very disappointed with the experience. Despite there being an elevator available for wheelchairs and strollers, we were explicitly told not to take our stroller upstairs.

This unexpected restriction left us without access to essential items for our baby, such as the bottle and toys which we had left in the stroller. Well, sounds like you should have taken that shit with you. Haven't you ever heard of a diaper bag? Probably in one, yeah. They're saying we, so that's more than one person. One of you hold the baby, the other one hold the diaper bag. That's generally how this works. Get the backpack one.

They're real easy to walk around with. Super easy, yeah. You could even get one for your baby. You could stick that thing back there. You could put a backpack on the back and the baby on the front, done deal. Either way, there you go. Now you're a pack mule, good job.

Get after it. This is what you had in mind when you wanted to procreate, isn't it? It's in sex grade. Isn't it wonderful? As a result, we had to carry our baby the entire time, even in areas where using the stroller would have been perfectly feasible. While I understand that strollers might not be allowed in certain parts of the museum,

such as the author's house itself, there were numerous steps to navigate beforehand, making it extremely difficult with a wiggly and heavy toddler in our arms. Additionally, the guide's attitude was unkind and judgmental regarding the natural sounds our child made. That sounds like it was constantly farting. The kid was, yeah, you took a toddler who yelled and screamed through this guy trying to give his fucking torspiel. That's what I think happened here.

A guy that probably doesn't have any kids and probably fucking hates him. Yeah, he's probably 24 or something. He's like, shut your kid up. I'm trying to tell the shit that I have memorized. He's, they go on to say, additionally, the guide's attitude was unkind and judgmental regarding that, making us feel incredibly uncomfortable.

The entire experience was unpleasant and I would not recommend this museum to families with young children. You know what, neither would I. Keep them home. Toddlers don't need to go to the museum. They don't understand what's going on. Toddlers don't belong in a 200-year-old home that we're trying to preserve everything in it. Don't bring them.

They belong in a ball pit where they can't break anything. Just throw them in there. Where their piss and shit can be rinsed out. Fine. Just get a big hose at the end. Philip gives one star. Philip has a weird start to this one star. The acting is not acting and is false advertising. Oh god, he needs Oscar worthy performances here. They have a photo of a group of people and it's actually just one person. He wanted an acting troupe to put on a play with him and four other people standing there is what he wanted

He needs twain in different periods. Well, the person did a good job, but she is only in character. She's not acting She's just in I think the tour guide is a character Yeah, and get Juilliard here, sir And they he wants them to like to put a performance on rather than just be in an old-timey character I'm an old-timey person showing you the house He wants like a performance like give me a monologue about how the king came and killed your whole family one time That's what I want to hear Expected a few people together to put on a real show of some sort what it's a fucking museum

Is that what you expect? Oh my, and it's a quartet. I expect to go look at an old chair and go, I think that's where Twain wrote some shit. That's all I expect out of this. Look at that pen, it's probably got his DNA on it. That's crazy. The only one star would be like, doesn't have any of Mark Twain's shit in it.

Just a house he used to live in. Now it's a house with like a family with three kids and there's like, you know, normal stuff and an 85 inch TV up on the wall, that would be disappointing. Charge $18 to go see a room and then we leave. That would be, yeah. They still require, what the fuck, M, oh masks,

they're saying, as of October 22, and they do not advertise this at the time of purchase, and it would not have purchased if we were aware. They did masks, lower lowercase M period, capital A, small s period, capital K period, capital S period. Like it's some sort of criminal organization with an acronym. Okay. Yeah.

Next up, one star. For such an interesting man to have a museum of, this tour could not have been more exemplary of making something very interesting very very dull. That's a lot of words to say. Should have been better than it was. For a man so interesting to have a museum of. That's a bad sentence. A man interesting enough to warrant a museum, they've turned an interesting...

But the way they wrote it, Twain would be very insults me. It is an awful way to do it. How dare you write like that about me. This tour could not have been more exemplary of making something interesting very very dull. Yeah, to take a good writer and then write shit that bad about him, not great. It's now a running joke among those of us who went how bad it was. The most interesting part is the twain quotes on the wall

Which I could have read on my own Yeah, well you could have looked at pictures on the internet to have the museum Now you and your family have a memory forever. So enjoy however you use it. No one did anything bad to you It was just not as good as you thought like who cares. Why'd you set the bar so high? Yeah, Jason one star such a bad experience What could they have done to you in there honestly? We worked hard all week, and we're so excited to see this Friday night Everybody's working for the twain house

Pull the plow we get to go see twain! Come on everybody get in the back of the truck, we're going to the Twain house! Their website malfunctioned and booked us for Saturday instead of Friday. In other words, I booked the tickets on the wrong fucking day. I clicked the wrong button, that's what happened. Jesus Christ. We had to fly out the next morning. It was our one chance to see this and they would do nothing to accommodate us nothing is all caps I mean you always have options but they just didn't care furthermore their website is awful disastrous so

difficult to use if Twain would be spinning in his grave if he knew he didn't have a proper website in his house why would I book Saturday night when I had already booked our flights we had to be in Hartford for work I'm just so disappointed in the staff Wow, they worked hard all week. They come to click the wrong button and buy the wrong tickets That's they should have made an exception and helped us out. I'm happy they didn't at this point I'm thrilled. I'm glad you didn't get to see what you wanted Stavros gives one star fantastic house

horrific tour leader. Oh, what would they do? Amazing historical house of Samuel Clemens with lots of period detail. However, our tour leader was all caps awful. He didn't know much. Not even the things that clearly were supposed to be part of the tour script. He spouted misinformation. He's just telling you about flat earth and shit, like he's just spouting.

Who knew a squab was a fish, in parentheses. In other words, who cares? He stumbled and hesitated, and every other word was um, like or you know. Because he's not a seasoned performer yet. He's new at this. Give him a fucking minute, he'll figure it out. He's probably a kid that just needs a fucking job.

Yeah, and he's trying, you know what I mean? Awful experience, surely guides can be better chosen and trained. Oh my God, Katie one star, I could not find the parking lot. Well, that sounds like you're an idiot, probably, right? Did she not get to go? I'm sorry.

I just left. Drove by the address a couple of times, found the handicap lot, but no signage for the main lot. I bet everyone else found it. That's the thing. Is this a statistic? I bet when you got there, other cars were there. Maybe it was just me, but be careful

if you have a large vehicle and try to navigate around here. Not the best of neighborhoods. Terrific, good for you. Chris. It's Connecticut, I'm sure it's fine. Hartford's got some shit. Does it? Yeah, there's some, New Haven and Hartford are kinda crap.

New Haven is. Really? Oh, you get shot in New Haven, yeah. Oh, that's where Aaron Hernandez is from. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's some shit going on there. Hartford is great, either. I've seen some interviews from his family, it's frightening. There's Connecticut, and then there's New Haven and Hartford,

and then there's the rest of Connecticut. It's totally different places. Here's Chris, one star. This is wild. This motherfucker is rolling a little bit too much. I'm gonna skip some of his shit here. Writing to express my disappointment with my latest, my sixth visit to the Mark Twain

house. Jesus. He loves it here. My first visit to the house was over 20 years ago and the days before the museum slash visitor center was built when tickets for the house tour were purchased at one of the carriage house windows. Here was the problems with our latest visit. Now there is six things and they're all long.

Oh, God. visit. Now there is six things and they're all long. Oh god. Our tour guide Brian had a cold or some throat problem causing him to clear his throat every 10 seconds during the tour. As my friend with me pithily observed, if you use pithily in a serious way in a normal sentence in the first fucking 40 words since I've met you, I don't like you and I don't believe anything you say. You're a jerk off. Do you write for the New Yorker? No?

Well then shut the fuck up. Shut up. Who uses that? The tour guide cleared his throat more in 30 minutes of tour than Twain himself did in the 15 or 16 years he lived in the house. That was his friend's big fucking joke there. Wow. Killer material, bro.

Fucking idiot. Oh, but Twain didn't clear his throat this much in 16 years. What a pithy cuck sucker he is, isn't he? Man, makes me want to clear my throat. What do you think of that Chris you fucking asshole oh Man when visitors pay $20 per person for a house tour they should get a guide at his or her best Well if he called in there probably be no guide, so that's why he showed up He said I'm sick today, and they were like bro. No one else nobody yeah, Johnny's on vacation

sick today and they were like, bro, no one else can do it. We got nobody. Yeah. Johnny's on vacation. It's fine. It's, Cynthia can't make it. Her mother's funeral's today. It's either you or nobody. Let's go get there.

Cough it up. Let's go. Let's do it. For 20 years, this is two by the way, number two, for 20 years, the tour always opened with the anecdote about Twain's using the phone booth in the house foyer. So imagine my annoyance when I was ineptly and curiously told by Brian that the anecdote wasn't part of the tour anymore. Again, he didn't explain why.

Like it's his decision. I don't know. This is the fucking script they give me. I've worked here for a month. It's my favorite part, tell us. Yeah, I didn't write this. He didn't use the phone booth. No.

I'm sick and they made me come in anyway and this is the words they told me to say. He didn't write this! He didn't use the phone booth! No! I'm sick and they made me come in anyway and this is the words they told me to say. I don't know! You pithy, cock-sucking bastard! Oh, what a jerk-off. Again he didn't explain why, only stating that some quote, new evidence suggested that the phone had always been in the kitchen. To find out that this anecdote, this cornerstone in all caps, of Twain lore was untrue, calls

into question the veracity of the entire tour. Did he even live here? Did he live here? Does he even exist? Did he ever breathe? Did AI write Mark Twain? They're writing Tom Sawyer. Is that a thing?

What the fuck happened here? This is ridiculous. What what about jim? Oh, yeah, what about him? Was he even black guy? We don't know Calling a white guy that name to me It sounds like they found new information and then told you that so it sounds like you're always getting the best information Possible which means that they were never lying to you They were telling you the most true thing that they knew at the time, which is I

They hate that when people do that with science do now they're telling us this yes, cuz now they know it They didn't fucking know it when they told you that last time We tell you as much as we know Wow is the anecdote about twain telling stories to his daughters based on objects on the fireplace mantle? What? I thought that Clara was alive when the house was open to the public and therefore had vetted the locations of everything in the house.

That's right, Clara's the daughter, yeah. Three, for 20 years we brought visitors into Mark Twain's bedroom to see the bed with the elaborate headboard. There we were told the story of how he wrote in bed sitting at the foot of the bed so he could see the angels on the headboard. On my latest tour not only were we not taken into the bedroom but in Twain's writing in bed was downplayed considerably. Well the real story is that his wife just liked to ride him so she could look at the angels. Yeah she liked to look at the angels. She'd sit right on his face and stare at the angels.

Oh my god. So yeah, he goes on to bitch about how self-guided tours, they have iPads, these fucking kids, they don't know what they're doing. It's really, really bad. At the end, the last word of this review is abysmal. Fuck you, dude. I really hated this fucking guy. What a pompous asshole. One star, the tour guide kept trying to convince me Mark Twain was actually a woman. Did she think

I was stupid? Big thumbs down for this place. How dare you say he was a woman? The Mark Twain museum actually answered back because it's like he had a pretty good mustache. I don't think anybody would try to convince you that. Hello, we've never received a comment like this before, and we would like to look into it. Can you give us any more detail about the time or the day you visited? Like, if any of our interpreters are saying something

that is incorrect or being misunderstood, we'd certainly like to address it right away. Okay, that is fucking hilarious. Don't have to convince me so much. Tried to convince me, it was a chick, what the fuck? That's so funny. And then finally, Linda, one star, I didn't go here. Oh, well, okay, one star.

So now that we've gone to a really nice house, we went to a museum, we've heard about Mark Twain, we haven't seen the things we wanted to see. Marcia Twain. We've made pithy comments with our friends. Let's go to a different kind of house. Let's go to a house we can actually sleep in, but wouldn't fucking want to. Let's go to a shit hotel in New York City.

What do you say, everybody? We're going, it's a famous one, the St. Mark's. The St. Mark's Hotel, which was known for being a real junkie establishment, and a place you'd go like you'd pick up a prostitute and smoke crack there. That's. The St. Mark's Hotel, which was known for being a real junky establishment and a place you'd go, like you'd pick up a prostitute and smoke crack there. That's what you do. They've tried to fix it up now and try to make it like a legitimate hotel again, but

it's always the St. Mark's. Let's be realistic. It's like trying to fix up anything down near Skid Row in LA. Yeah, it just doesn't work. It's bad. They built million dollar condos and they were like, no one wants these. Just give them back to the earth. Just let them return to the earth. Fuck it. So let's see. It's at two St. Mark's place in New York, New York, obviously. And it has, uh, let's see the stars, 3.6 stars on Google, which is not good for

a hotel. You don't want to stay at that. Nothing under four for a hotel. Here's Lexi five out of five. Excellent hotel and service. Went in with low expectations. That's why. That's why. They're like this place. Yeah. Less scummy than I thought. Just wanted to save money on my trip. However, I was pleasantly surprised by how clean it was and how good the service was. Receptionist was nice. All I can say is it would be better if the shower was hotter and if the blankets were less thin. Otherwise, the hotel really has an amazing price and

is in a great location. I would definitely love to come back one day. Very satisfied. Yeah. Somebody that went during winter, I think. Yeah. Some people, if they go to New York, they get a shit hotel because they're like, I'm not going to be in my hotel very often. It's like Vegas. Like I'll be out. I'll come home at 10 o'clock at night, crash out, go right back out the next morning. Those people. Andrew Five Stars again, stayed two nights.

Location is unreal. It is. It's down, it's right in the middle of shit down there. Location is unreal. Rooms and bathrooms are small. Cash only. And it is a very old building. Cash only.

Cash only. That's a frightening policy. Cash only and is a very old building cash cash only that's a frightening policy Cash, oh hey cash, but I have two forms of I don't care how much I do you's got cash I? Want to see a picture of Andrew Jackson's who I want to see maybe Ben Franklin if you stay in here a couple of nights I don't give a fuck about your picture on the license pal Only greenbacks you know what I'm telling you? Yeah Wow cash only hotel Most hotels they don't want cash from you They want your card info because you know, yeah because large more right and we can do the the security to pot all that shit

Cash only to me says there's nothing you could hurt that bad. It's already fucked up. That's what it says to me We don't want any kind of like holding thing Yeah, that tells me the guy has a lollipop in his mouth and he's about to hand me an actual key Yes, oh for sure. You're getting a key. No microwave fridge or bugs. Okay, so that's good and bad Yeah, that's okay If you need to be wined and dined or praised whenever you're at a hotel, this isn't your spot You need your ass kissed while you're staying somewhere. Don't fucking bother here.

If you're traveling on a budget and are already planning not to be in your hotel, this place is perfect. There you go. Efficiency, whatever. Now the bad. One star. Here is Janeth with one star. She's got a mouthful here, boy.

One star, I should have listened to the reviews. Yes, I see. There here, boy. One star, I should have listened to the reviews. Yes, I see, that was your mistake. I decided to overlook the bad reviews as the complaints were minor and I wasn't planning on staying in just sleeping. See, that's where they get you. That's where people have done that in Vegas and they're like, I'm at Binion's now, this isn't good.

Why did I do this? Why am I doing this to myself? On arrival, my check-in was smooth. Be aware that it's cash only that's the god That's weird understand and this is from five months ago in 2024 something is cash only Wow, the staff working the front desk on my arrival was very kind and helpful with getting my bags to my room My room was unfortunately on the third level of the hotel be aware again. They don't have an elevator on the third level of the hotel, be aware again, they don't have an elevator.

No, it's an old, it's like down in downtown there, so it's old and they don't have elevators in these buildings, it's a walk up. Stairs. Yeah, there's people that live on fifth floor walk up apartments where you gotta walk your groceries up five floors. Oh my.

That's a big deal. So I had to climb what felt like six flights of narrow stairs. Yeah, once inside my room I noticed that it was quite outdated but clean. I left my things without giving it another thought and went on my day-long expedition of the city. When I returned I decided to shower. To my misfortune the shower handle fell off and I was unable to shower. You go to do it and it just falls off in your hand.

Oh no. This is bad. Now I'm naked. This is bad. Now I'm dirty and nude and there's no way to rectify this. To my misfortune, the shower handle broke off. Again, I didn't make a big deal and decided just to head to bed and let the front desk attendant know the next morning. Let me just say that this was the worst night of sleep I've ever had. The mattress was super uncomfortable and offering absolutely no back relief from the long day. I woke up feeling sore all over.

You're probably not used to walking 15 miles in a day also. It's nothing to do with the mattress, it's what you just did. People do, at the end of a day in New York City, like in touristy areas, you see people limping and like, ah, get back, carrying like eight bags, please get me back to the room And you oh, yeah, I used to it

You will never understand how far that place really is. It's things are far, but you just so big you just know It's fine. The pillows weren't any better. They appeared to have been old lumpy pillows I'm assuming they were the cheapest pillows they could buy and had washed them to get them to that state Laying down I finally got a look at the ceiling and saw what appeared to be a leak starting or patched over leak Yeah, this building is fucking ancient dude. It's like 150 years old. There's gonna be leaks During the night I could hear everything happening around me Especially people going down the stairs with their suitcases. Again, these old buildings famous for thin walls. The next morning I decided for my sanity that I wouldn't stay another night fretting it.

Stay another night fretting it would be a nightmare like the night before. The front desk attendant working that morning was absolutely no help and didn't offer a partial refund considering I had only spent one night of my four night stay. They simply offered me a discount room on the second level. That's too far up. She complained that she had to walk up the stairs. I refused and decided to just cut my losses and booked the next available hotel room in the area.

The only pro this hotel had was the price and location. That's what they're selling. You're in the middle of everything. It's the cheapest place you're gonna find. Here you go. Yeah, much better for much better Yeah, one star the front desk is very nasty The person or the desk itself, right? Yeah, I gotta know that they means on it

They surveil you on camera and don't want you coming in and out as you please what hotel lobby doesn't have a camera in it Yeah, have you been to a hotel ever? There's cameras everywhere. Hopefully not in your room. How much are you coming and going from the hotel? I don't know. I've got going out to smoke I guess or whatever. I don't know. Feels more like a halfway house or like you're under arrest. Jesus Christ. I've never been to a hotel where they monitor when you come and go as well as who you travel with. Who you got there? You didn't have them earlier. They're probably seeing if it's like a banned person from their list, someone they caught smoking crack

in the fucking, you know, in the lobby bathroom. Yeah. Here's one star from Clara. Cockroaches with six exclamation points. Cockroach, that's an appropriate use of exclamation points by the way. Beware! I confronted the staff and they would not give me a refund because I had already checked

in. They told me this is a regular occurrence in this hotel. Look, they live here too. You want to get along with them or you want to be a jerk? They're listening to this conversation. You keep this up, they're going to know what you're saying and then you're going to be fucked. They're going to come for you. They're going to be pissed. They're gonna come for you tonight. They're gonna be pissed.

They're gonna take your shit. Oh man, I had to spend. Wrangle through your purse. They know how to open the safe in the room. Don't think they don't. They can read. I had to spend more money to book another hotel for the night.

So there's that. David one star, as a European, I have been staying here for years. Oh. I don't know what it matters that you're European. Why that may... As a European... As a European, I must say... Cash is king.

As a European, I must say I love the Kia Optima. It's just a very nice compact economical car. It works well. As a European, I drive car. It works well. It makes me... Okay. As a European, I drive a pink Cadillac. Yeah. So strange.

What's it doing? It has really declined in quality. Actually, it's gotten much better than it used to be. 25 years ago, this place was, unless you were picking a lady up on the street for 50 bucks and taking her to Smoke Crack crack somewhere you'd go somewhere better Town Manhattan is that what it's down. It's down. It's like the village down there. Oh on the west side All right, like downtown over in that area there. I don't remember the exact place of it No, I think it's like lower East Side. I want to say oh, maybe

Yeah, I'm trying to think of where the fuck it is exactly I can't I can picture it in my brain and I can't picture where the fuck I'm picturing it. I've stood outside it before but I don't remember where. The point is it's on the island of Manhattan. Oh yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's in downtown. My mattress was so soft as to be non-existent. Cockroaches in the room, even got into my open suitcase.

Okay, we're done. Gotta go. I'm out. Gotta go. I'm out and I'm out and I'm out. I'm taking the suitcase. And I'm not coming back? You can rent that room.

Washing all my clothes and I'm never coming back here. And WiFi rarely worked. I won't be staying here again. Well, as a European, you should get your own Wi-Fi brick. It helps in the hometown. As a European. As a European. Next up, Alana, one out of five stars.

Cockroaches, all caps. Everybody keeps saying it. And then in parentheses, big ones. Oh! Size is irrelevant at this point, right? It's almost like if there's going to be any, I want them to be like sitting in a chair with their legs crossed, smoking a cigarette going, how you doing, pal?

That's fine. Yeah, look. How you doing? Out of room. I turned the AC on, it was getting hot in here. It's a little stuffy, I hope you don't mind. Did you try raise or not? I'll tell you what, get a slice.

They say the Empire State Building's for tourists, but I'm telling you, go up to the top, it's beautiful. You're gonna wanna do that. There's, but I'm telling you, go up to the top. It's beautiful. You're going to want to do that. There's a deck next to it you can look up. It's nice. Oh, it's beautiful. I realized it was cash only once we arrived.

Still, so fucking weird. Smallest room ever. Advertising AC, but the AC unit didn't even work, which was hellish in 80 degree heat at night. Yeah, it's stuffy in the city without the AC. Bed squeaky and uncomfortable. Squeaky? You don't get many squeaky beds in hotels.

I like that though. That's good, yeah. Really lets you know you're in there. Let's you know what you're doing. If you walk by a room when people are fucking and they're loud, then you know they're fucking. But if it's just the bed squeaking, it's more obvious you're fucking if the bed squeaking than one of you are moaning.

Yeah, that could be TV, but the bed squeaking isn't. Yeah, that's dead-ass obvious. Oh, that's awesome. Walk up only, no elevator. Location is only pro and help make walking in the city easier. Doesn't matter though, seriously not worth the drama Location is only pro and helped me make walking, helped make walking in the city easier. Doesn't matter though, seriously not worth the drama

of trying to get the fuck out last minute once we realized how bad the whole situation was. They rushed out. Well tolerated two nights because if you walk all day and get drunk at night, you'll probably pass out too hard to notice the worst parts. And then all caps risky. Yeah, woke up with roaches in my pockets.

Yeah, woke up with new housemates that I took home with me. Dimitri, one star. I would strongly suggest you avoid this hotel. No problem. Things that have happened during my two day stay, colon, here we go, I had to pay by cash. That's not normal, okay normal okay no it's not agreed

they're skirting the tax system that's weird oh they're definitely not claiming all the money they've taken for sure that's the only reason to do that right otherwise you just get it's easier so it's to it's it's stupid to fraud the government that's it doing yeah if you have mobility issues they don't have an elevator well that's not really their really their fault. They just don't have an elevator. Like it's the building. It's not ADA compliant. No, that also means that to get to some floors, you have to climb four sets of stairs. Well, yeah, if it's on the fourth floor, sure do. The toilet won't stop leaking. That's a problem. Faucet leaks when in use. That's not your problem. What do you care? Hold on. Like out of the bottom or out of the other part of this. Oh, okay. Again, who cares? Let them clean it

when you use them. When it's in use, that's a giant leak. It's supposed to. It's all a leak. Yeah. The shower's hot water won't work unless you hold a lever, hold the lever in a certain position. If you don't hold it, the water will shut off. And if you're in a slightly incorrect position, the hot water won't flow. So it's got like a little button on a plain bathroom. You gotta keep pushing it. Temperamental switch to get warm water. The light bulb in my room went out.

Well unless they don't give you a new one. You only get one? That's it. One per stay. You're sorry. You must have broke it. Sorry. Sit in the dark.

There are no outlets near the head of the bed I just had an issue with that on tour and I was just Maybe so fucking mad. There's no outlets near the bed. None. Really not a fucking outlet there There was a one like a clock radio alarm thing with like an I home thing on top No, no USB nothing. It was only one that you lay your phone on Oh, I don't like that at all. My battery had like 50% when I put it on there, woke up a few hours later and it had like 61%. I'm like, this thing sucks a dick.

That doesn't work. This doesn't work, right. Yeah, this is shit. If that's the best it works, get a new one. And I had to plug my phone into the bathroom. And this was like a nice room too. We weren't staying shit places. We were staying nice places.

This was ridiculous. What kind of answer is that? I don't understand it. It's so strange. The walls are uncomfortably thin and the room is cramped. That's this whole review. I don't like having just USBs by the bed because they never have the right USB.

It's always the USB-A. They don't have the, nothing has USB-A anymore. Just give me a plug. I'll fucking do it. I'll figure it out. Yeah, just give me the plugger spot. I bring my block every time. We have plugs we can do it everything just USB Fuck you fuck that one star here

Our that's the person our says this is the first hotel I've ever been that doesn't accept credit cards, which is ridiculous considering. It's the 21st century. Yeah, that's insane. You're gonna have a hard agree on that one, R. I'm with you. When we first arrived, the receptionist called someone to spray some air freshener in our room, which didn't fill us with confidence. No, that's gonna, hmm. Somebody check in into room seven,

run up there real quick. Fucking go spray. Take the Lysol. Make it smell like flowers real quick. You'll have to walk up some steep stairs to the rooms, which was fine for us, but not so good for people who are not very mobile or have heavy luggages. Well, you should have thought of that first. The rooms were small, very basic, and look like they haven't been renovated since the

70s. They've actually been renovated completely because they were awful before that. The room also smelled a bit musty and I saw some ants crawling on the floor, which was a bit gross. Sure those weren't baby cockroaches? They just hatched, watch out. Yeah, watch out, there's bigger ones. They're marching home.

The service was okay, we had fresh towels every day and they made our bed every day. Toiletries weren't great and the toilet paper was the thinnest I've ever seen. That's every hotel in the world. Yeah. We have stayed at five star hotels where they have fucking- The cheapest. 5,000 thread count sheets and the cheapest plunge your fingers into your asshole toilet paper that's ever fucking existed. Spring for Charmin. Regular sheets and Charmin, please.

I bring wet wipes on the road. I bring toilet paper. Because you're not allowed to flush them at home. I flush them straight down their fucking toilets. Fuck your city. Take my fucking cottonels. Eat them. Take that shit.

Oh my god. The only good thing about this hotel is that it's in a great location and is very close to our favorite Japanese restaurant, Kenka. That's what the one star is for. Also, you can't give less than one star, stupid. So, That's what the one star is for. Also you can't give less than one star, stupid. So here is one from one star from Hades and it's a

picture of like a devil as the person. From hell. Somebody from hell is okay. They are mindless zombies running rampant, disrespectful, suicidal, got into an altercation, I guess he means glad, but he said, glide, I didn't hurt the person. Be vigilant, don't drop your guard out there, people. What the fuck are you talking about? Why are you fighting? How is that the hotel's fault? What is going on?

Did you fight with an employee? Is that the problem? Or was this on the street or in the subway? Because I understand that. It happens. It's scary. They can't send someone out with you to make sure the city is you know a nice experience for you. That's not part of the

hotel experience. That's a concierge. Yeah. Oh my god. Here we go. Kyle, one star, slept there for a couple hours in between work shifts as I didn't want to commute back to Long Island. It's cash only. The sheets and blankets are disgusting and neighbors are always having sex, can't get sleep from there, all the moaning and anxiety thinking of the scabies or bed bugs I might take home. I don't know man jerk off you'll fall asleep. You got a soundtrack. Long Island no matter where you are it's not more than an hour and a half away. Get in your fucking car and drive home you lazy shit. What are you talking about? How much do you make it work that you can just buy a hotel room for the night? That's not bad. Well, this is a cheap hotel.

It's a cheap hotel, so that makes sense. Either way, it's, what is it, a hundred dollars? If you work in the city, maybe. If you work in the city and live in Long Island, though, that's not a lot. They make decent money. Somebody there, I assume. Probably. If they're working late hours, too. But what kind of money do you make that you can just cough up a hundred bucks for the day? I don't know. That's great. Like a normal adult salary. It's not every day,

I think. Right. But he's doing it that day. Every once in a while to have an extra hundred bucks isn't weird for someone who works in Manhattan and probably has a nice house on Long Island. That sounds great. I mean, it's good for him terrific but pick a better room or just get in your car you lazy fuck one out of five stars this place is awful after we saw the room in which there was only a window unit that seemed to be blowing out hot air we got our money back we went to a bar nearby to call and book another room no internet for these people whatsoever where someone where we're somewhere with working AC and a person working said they wouldn't stay there for free. Okay, last up here, this is fucking great.

One star cockroach. That's it, total review. One. And then. That's all it takes, I saw one. Well there's one, there's a thousand. There it is, right there. There's a picture of him.

Oh wow. There's a little guy right there. It's a little one. He's a little guy too. There's a lot of's one, there's a thousand. There it is right there, there's a picture of him. There's a little guy right there. He's a little guy too. There's a lot of those guys running around if there's that one, that little. Yeah, there's the cockroach. He's got a closer view of it too, which I like. And then finally, I'll give you one more here.

It's another one word review. One star poop. There will be poop. Why not? There will be poop and that is Trenton gives that. No picture for him? No picture of the poop. I want the where's your shit?

Yeah, where'd you see it? That said, since we're in a fucking hooker motel anyway here, let's go to the personal item of the week everybody! We need toys. We need toys. Let's hear that bed squeaking as we take to us the master series 16.2 inch Colossus dildo with suction cup base Extra large lifelike and realistic thick toy for women men and adult couples made with flexible and firm pvc material

black this one's in black. 16, oh my god, inches. It says MasterCock the Black Destroyer on it. Huge 17 inch dildo, and then under it it says play hard. Which you'd have no choice. Is all that shit written on it? Like what does that say there? I don't know if that's like a sticker that you can pull off of it.

Or if that is, but it says it on the dildo. Just a bunch of words that are like frightening. It's a one pack as we know from just like a menstrual cup. It's only a one pack. It's $38.93 Jesus Christ. to be black destroyed.

That is expensive. It says test your limits. I guess so. This big dildo features 12 insertable inches and up to 2.7 inches of max diameter to hit you deep and stretch your holes. The other four inches are just balls. It's balls. It's balls in a suction cup.

That's what it is. Perfect size for enthusiasts. Yeah, you'd have to be enthusiastic to get that thing up your ass. Let me tell you something. You better have a whole fucking dance team cheering you on. Jazz hands when you do that shit. Looking for extra large dildos.

Sturdy suction cup base, 12 inch insertable length. This large thick dildo measures 16 inches overall length. 12 inches of insertable length. 2.7 inch max shaft diameter, which I think is the same as those balls that people stuck up their ass a few weeks ago. God Jesus. Flexible and firm and 4.5 pounds of massive dildo loving 13 inches of insertable pleasure. That's what it says.

Five pounds. Wow. Five pounds. Wow. Five stars. And the title is, was not 2.85 inches. It was actually three. Oh, thank God. More dildo for your money. This is five stars though.

Mine was bigger than they said. That's great. This product was not of the sizing it stated on the label in the picture. On the label it stated it was 2.85 inches wide. When I received it, the label stated three inches. Definitely not what I was expecting. Because it was- Oh, they didn't measure it.

Yeah, they just said, wow, now it says this. Because it was larger than expected, I think they round up on the label. Probably, yeah. Larger than expected and quite intimidating on behalf of its massive girth. I seriously thought about returning it due to the fact that I am certainly not used to something this large around."

Except. Except. Then I said, hey, you know what? Then while staring at it and contemplating return, I fixed your mouth agape just like, wow, that's a lot of cock right there. All just dilated. I just couldn't help wanting to try it out. I just said, god damn it, I'm going to stick this thing in me.

I think about that when I look at so many things. You know what I mean? Give it a go. Yeah, you go to the store. I look at just any vertical blinds. I'm like, they have a little grate up my ass, a new microwave. I wonder if I could get that up my ass. I'd like to try it out.

Staring at it. Staring at it. You know what, maybe it could work. I dreamt a little dream. Yeah. So that want getting the best of me, I gave it a try. Believe me, this thing is like taking something the size of a 24 ounce beer or energy drink can in the rectum. This is a five star review, by the way, that's a one-star experience in my estimation.

Saying this with a smile. Wow. Not used to something so large. It seriously gave me quite a challenge. By the way, they weren't going to let you return it anyway because that sir... Right, it's yours. It's your dildo. I'm sorry. It literally took me about six hours of straight anal play to get my rectum relaxed and stretched enough to get this massive thing in. You got to be committed. On your day off?

How often do you have six straight hours to do anything? That's a big freed up day you have. I never have six hours of doing want to shit. There's always a have to shit in the middle of somewhere. Just sitting there dragging your finger around your wrinkles like all day. Putting progressively larger things up your ass is what you're doing, yeah. Holy shit.

But I say, but, and I say that because that's what it went into, haha. After about five minutes of bouncing, the haha is written in there, of bouncing my anus up and down on it with lots of lube, of course. It broke its way through my anus and and down on it, with lots of lube, of course, it broke its way through my anus and straight into my rectum.

You gave yourself an injury. That sounds like a threat. No, he's saying this is good. Yeah. Before I knew it, I had all but about two inches of its also massive length in my butt. I was truly surprised at not only being able to fit it in my butt, yet how far it went into.

Especially never trying or having something this size before in there. I'm only used to two and a half inches of width. Oh, this is way above. It was truly an amazing feeling though and then amazing capital letters with a period after every letter. Exclamation point. This product is definitely not for beginner anal enthusiasts. You hear that beginner anal enthusiasts out there Nor he really even the novice

It's definitely more for the advanced and those using to put large those used to putting large things into their rectums Wow, I think so Holy shit, what the fuck? Wow, I think so. Holy shit, what the fuck? And or people like me who are bound and determined to make the darn thing fit. If you're just a go-getter. You're just a go-getter out there, you know?

Bound and determined, I'm gonna get it in there. Like that entrepreneurial American spirit, you know what I'm saying? It's not a ball and a cup, you know what I mean? It's not a paddle ball. We're gonna make this work. We're making it fit. No, we'll make it fit.

This is like two guys trying to fit something into a trailer that doesn't fit, and they're like, no, we'll make it fit. We gotta take it down to one town over. I'm sorry, it's gonna fit in there. Cut the walls, trim it in, we'll get it to fit. Get some butter, rub it on the side of it there. My butt's never been fuller Oh God also to mention it's an excellent value for the money, and I do mean excellent likewise The suction cup works very well as well, so you're gonna have a suction cup in there

Okay, that's a lot here Whoo, I'm gonna skip another five-star review, and we'll go we'll go to well. Here's five-star huge Let me tell you this thing is not for beginners When I received the package, I thought it was a joke the box was so big Why would you order all over the ads it's monster cock the black destroyer It's telling you I will rip your asshole out of you and they're like I'm surprised it was so big why are you surprised? It looks like a real destroyer.

That's the draw of the whole fucking thing is wow you never get this up your ass. Yes you did. It was when I opened it this thing was three inches wide so I definitely wanted to try it obviously. I have gotten it halfway in but it takes all night each time but when I finished with it the first time that's right that right there was worth the money to me. It takes about two days to recover from that. I don't want this. All day to get it in and two days to recover like Jesus that's a holiday weekend. What do you do Memorial Day weekend?

Fuckin day while I stuck something on my ass Friday night, and you know by Monday. I was ready to barbecue again Had the grandparents over for a nice grill session. We've had some burgers and everything like that now today. I'm shitting normal again. It's pretty good Wow Okay, here's another five star. This is Bliss is the title. Mine arrived today in the mail. It took my breath away how thick it was. My first thought was it would never fit this thing in me.

I have become a huge fan of bigger, longer, thicker toys. I always buy bigger to go to the next level. See, there's the entrepreneurial spirit we were talking about. After taking in how big this dildo really is, I like how everyone has to do a mental evaluation of it for a while. I got to stare at it, walk around it, do circles. Got an OSHA game plan, like a whole checklist of things. It's like a murder suspect in an interrogation chair. Like there's a bright light shining on it. They do some walk around Okay, I loo after taking how big it really is. I lubed up and stuck it to my bathroom tile wall

Such a cop. Yeah, or poured a ton of lube. I just want to see it go back and forth Yeah, or poured a ton of lube. I just want to see it go back and forth Poured a ton of lube on it got super slick with boy butter. What the fuck is though? Oh my I don't know. I don't want to know what that is and I'm moving on Yeah shot my bottom up with some more lube and applied more boy butter to my hungry ass. Is that what they said in that song? Hungry ass. I think it was. That's Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Gray were dancing to it. My boy butter.

Hungry ass. I stare at this dildo and I wonder if I can get it in. I backed up against it. Felt the huge head trying to enter my hungry bottom. He just likes hungry bottom. After about 10 minutes, I felt the head slide past my inner ring, and I almost passed out in complete bliss.

I got used to the super thick diameter of it and started to take more in me. Oh boy. I got about halfway and started rocking back. This guy's gonna give a full description of how hard he came. He's going to explode. I started rocking back and forth on the thick shaft. I'm telling you if you're a size slut as I am, you will feel this monster hit your prostate

and other spots you've never felt before. Who wants it right in the prostate? Oh my god. I kept edging myself then stopped. I'm now writing this and waiting for my girlfriend to come home and help me take this deeper. Yup, everybody. That is the, there was the fucking twist that you didn't expect, did you? Is he writing this also with it inside? I think he is.

I'm waiting for it. He's like, pinned against the bathroom wall. It's halfway up right now. I think he is. The poster's name should be stuck in bathroom. Oh man, I will write a follow up and tell how much more I can take. He didn't by the way. If you're a huge fan of monster penetration, his girlfriend

beat him to death with it. This is too much. You will love this toy. There's no way for a beginner or person that does not like thickness along with depth. If you are highly recommend, oh if you are, I highly recommend this monster. Holy shit man this is wild. Three stars so full. So fresh, so clean, and so full. He's got it all. Write down boy butter. We got to figure out what that is and we can use it. I think there's a product to that. Do you think that's written on my little post-it note here? Boy butter. At first I thought it was something that came out of him and then when he said I applied more I'm like, oh no

This is a product. He's got yeah, this is for but stuff exclusively, oh So full three stars absolute chunker of a toy So they chunker took the head in with ease but because it's so hard and firm It's not comfortable going past halfway I played for a few minutes before taking the plunge to the base. My god, it was so full. I was so full of BBC, that's Big Black Cock by the way if you're not familiar, that I couldn't talk and my insides felt like they

got chiseled out by steel tubing. This is not good. I stood there hunched over still at the base scared to pull it back out To that mid shaft pop we hear about this pop all the time. This is horrifying I ripped it off out like a brand-aid like all at once and when all was good I started going from tip to base Wow flash forward next day I was so sore from playing with this toy due to it being so hard. If it was just a little more pliable I would make this my daily driver. Now it's a Honda Civic out of nowhere. What the fuck are you talking about? My daily driver.

Reliable mileage and all they say. That is fucking crazy. Holy shit. One star, way too big. There's the answer. Thank you, finally. That's what we're looking for. I don't know what I was thinking. Right. Yeah.

I really set the, I don't know what I'm doing. I did not do the math correctly. That's a good way to put it. This is a good one. King Hong himself would be impressed. King Hong. Old King Hong. You know him. That's Chinese King one. King Hong himself would be impressed. King Hong. Old King Hong. You know him. That's Chinese King Kong. King Hong. That's the biggest Chinese porn star in the world. We don't

know who he is, but King Hong. They call him. He rules over China with an iron cock. That's too funny. He's not a gorilla, you see. King Hong is just a tiny warrior with a huge dick. He's only 5'4", but his cock is enormous. Destroys the whole city all the time with his honk. Knocks shit down. Obviously, it can't be used. I don't know what I'll do with it or how to dispose

of it. Yeah, this is like a corpse. You got to figure out a you can't put this in with anything with your bills in it. Exactly. Way too big. It's laughable. Yeah. Oh man, that is fucking amazing. One star. I didn't I need to return this. I did not order this. I didn't I need to return this I did not order this Guess what it is now though It's your dildo now isn't it? That's your dildo Sorry You did order this. Oh, man. It is yours. It's yours now. Sorry one star Head tip is like a square making it useless

Huge yes square pegging around hole. Yeah, square pegging a round hole. Yeah, that's exactly what that is. I wouldn't order this one. Square pegging a round butthole is not good. A square peg in a boy buttered round butthole. The head is like a square. Other reviewers said similar. The size would be good if you could get it in, but the head tip is like a square. It's useless

This guy's guy had a ball with the fucking thing sings five pounds use it to tenderize meat I don't keep it next to your bed in case you need intruders in the house at night You just beat him with your giant dildo If it's for someone swinging a black destroyer at me, I'm probably backing out of the room I don't know what to tell you, but there you go. All they needed to do was taper the head for entry use, but it's like a square. Okay. All right.

Let's get away from that. Yeah. We've had our buttholes destroyed. We've had that. That was just too much meat. You know what I mean? It's a lot. Too much meat.

Let's find some other meat that's not very good. You'd probably rather eat that meat than this meat Let's find some bar s baloney. Oh Jesus God Bar S brand baloney now. This is we've talked about their hot dogs before They're terrible and everybody says they have like, you know, bone chunks in them and shit like that. Let's find out if the bologna is any better, which the bologna is just a flat hot dog anyway. Right, yeah.

It's a mixture, it's a slurry, it's not a slice of meat. It's a particle board. It's just a bigger casing that the same shit goes into and then they slice it. It's just a particle board of shit. So this is Bar S Bologna Classic 12 ounces and it says, classic bologna made with chicken pork added. I didn't know it was made with chicken. I didn't know bologna was from chicken. I think that's just Bar S Bologna.

I thought it was just beef and pork, right? I would think so. And it says, quote, you probably remember the bologna sandwich of your youth enjoyed cold with mayo and mild cheese on White bread packed in a brown paper bag was your mother an uncreative fucking terrible Were you broke? Yeah, were you poor as a child? Let us remind you of it and your parents didn't give a shit about your health at all. This is what you ate remind you of it. And your parents didn't give a shit about your health at all? This is what you ate.

Your parents gave you suicide meat every day. Good God. The classic American lunch meat. It is 12 ounces, which is three quarters of a pound, a dollar 47. Holy. Any meat that's a dollar, any meat that is literally two dollars a pound, that is, be careful.

That's bad meat, yeah. That's bad meat. It has 3.8 stars out of four hundred thirty eight reviews here. Okay. Okay. Here we go I want to read the the what's in it. It doesn't tell you all here's the ingredients. Let's see Mechanically separated chicken. That's your first ingredient second ingredient water. Mm-hmm So mechanically separated chicken, water, pork, corn syrup. What is that? Muddled cornstarch, salt. Two percent or less of the following. Beef, potassium lactate, potassium acetate, sodium, some shit, all sorts of sodiums. It's all sodiums with long names

after that. All salt. It's salt and no beef and chicken parts. It is rough. And salted meat and water. Serving size is one slice of bologna, which you have more than a slice on a sandwich. It's three. One slice is 15% of your daily sodium. Wow. So enjoy this shit. Here we go, five stars. I miss this taste. Lucky for me, I found it again.

Vomit? Nostalgia for porness. Yeah. I missed tasting bile. It's just, I missed chunks of bone. The Family Pack Bologna is reliable and cost-effective choice for those who appreciate a classic bologna experience. You know, garbage.

Its versatility and consistent flavor make it a practical addition to my pantry for quick and satisfying meals. I hope you keep it in the fridge, not the pantry first of all. This is a suitable option for families or anyone looking for an affordable and tasty lunchtime solution. Holy fuck, you're out of your mind. No. No. Five stars. Again, I grew up eating this bologna as a child. I loved it then and still enjoy it now. That's all this is. This is nostalgia for shit. My family enjoys it for lunch and sandwiches and in fact my other half made me breakfast

in bed which consisted of eggs, fruit and good old bar ass fried. You fucking monster. Save this for your divorce filing because you can also use this against him later that he tried to kill you. You won't have to save this for divorce because he's also put antifreeze in your fucking drinks. No shit it was delicious. So here in our house we are fans of several bar S products. This house is disgusting.

We need to find out if there's children in this house and get them out pronto. Don't worry they won't live long. Oh, and we'll continue to purchase the baloney from BJ's because it's a great reasonable price for a product We use daily, daily. They eat this every day. Oh boy. Five stars. I will continue to buy Bar S Baloney. Why? Sounds like no matter what the FDA says about it, I'll continue to buy Bar S Bologna. No matter what that fucking expose on 48 hours said. No matter what the surgeon general warning says. Jesus.

I love bologna sandwiches with cold or fried bologna. Bar S Bologna has been a good flavor and is quite inexpensive I would say however the ad says 14 slices my packages all had only 12 slices, but whatever if the weight is accurate What do you fucking care? Waits and measures now. Yeah, what are you doing? You go into monitoring? I trust your gas pump either come on man. Just eat the fucking shit food Do you know what's in it never Never mind how much of it it is. Let's talk about the 14 different kinds of sodium chemicals that I should I never can't pronounce and never heard of. Three slices. You got half

your daily sodium intake already. Yeah, there you go. And you'd still be hungry. Next up two stars. The title is baloney. Okay. Yeah. I don't like baloney, but my husband does. That's all. That's the whole review. Not helpful. Two stars. This one honestly could have been for the dildo as well. This could go for either one. Two stars. Okay. Good price, but too thick for me. So I could go either way. I'm full though. I am full. My hungry bottom needs baloney. One star.

It's my dog who likes it. There you go. That's the thing. I only buy this product because it's cheap to feed my dog. He likes it. Wow. Poor dog. That dog's not going to live long.

The fact that the word baloney is used as lie. Means fake, bullshit, garbage. Not genuine. Full of shit. That tells you a lot. Don't eat that. Full of mechanically separated chicken parts and less than 2% of beef.

Whatever sentence you just said is full of water and chicken parts. That's it. One star damage. Be careful in buying this item because Mines came with a hole in it. Mines? Mines. Somebody fucked their baloney. Fuck Mines' baloney.

One star grainy. This product quality has gone downhill. The tiny sand-like bits of bone in this product made me change my selection of this to another manufacturer. If I wanted to eat something that tastes like sand, I would throw it into the dirt before eating it. Disgusting. Yeah.

It's baloney, man. One star. Grab a bag. This one's coming up for seconds. That's the thing you will throw up is what he's saying Occasionally, I've eaten baloney sandwiches for over the last 50 years Okay That being said I know what baloney is supposed to taste look and yes feel like The product did well on the look taste and smell test but failed the field test. There was an abundant amount of processed bone or cartilage in ours. The pieces were

the size and texture of wood splinters. Absolutely gross. That is disgusting. That's so much. That's chicken bones you're eating. The one, this one's going back for a refund. I'll stick to the pre-sliced as I never had any this experience with other brands or cuts This is just a don't show that it that chunks of bone cartilage One star a pack of garbage baloney isn't a trade for beef is his title, right? I wanted a small package of beef baloney. They didn't have it. So I got two huge packages of garbage baloney of beef bologna. They didn't have it so I got two huge packages of garbage bologna. This ought to fix it. I just wanted a little so I got a lot. So here's a pound and a half

of shit. Enjoy. We'll be taking it back to the store tomorrow. I don't understand why they let me know I have substitutions after they let me know it's ready for pickup. Had I known this was the substitute, I would have said no. Oh, got it. And then the last two, cheap bologna, two stars. Other than a stray bone chip, Bar S bologna actually has a decent flavor. My kids like it and enjoy a bologna sandwich every now and then. It has bone chips in it, you torturous asshole. Everyone's some other kids are like, no, it's good. No, it's okay. Thanks for the You can't eat that and then finally a little grittiness won't hurt you

This is on star a little grittiness won't hurt you actually I'm not sure it's true that the grittiness in some baloney is from chicken bones and cartilage as I said before Oscar Meyer baloney is one of my favorites if you look the ingredients list, mechanically separated chicken is the main ingredient and it isn't gritty at all. Oh my God. Oscar Mayer does a better job of filtering the fucking bones out. Bar S doesn't care. So very- Bar S leaves a toothpick for you.

There you go. Pick that out of your fucking teeth. Very quickly before we get out of this, we're going to need to wash the bone chips and baloney grit down our throats here. So let's do it with the only drink that could possibly pair with this. If there's a wine list and people do in pairings, you would pair Bar S Baloney with Fleischmann's vodka. That's what you put together. You got to drink a bunch of Fleischmann's vodka to want Barra salami or bologna. This is a 1.75 liter 80 proof vodka. Good lord that's a lot.

Here it is. Let's get right into this. They say it's a clear medium bodied vodka. Really? I don't think so. Medium bodied? That's thick. That's a thick vodka.

Extra smooth taste at an affordable price. Perfect for mixed drinks. In other words, don't drink it straight. Oh, you don't want to taste this. If you put enough pineapple juice in it, you won't taste it. Or pine salt. Or pine salt. Here is four stars. Cheap for us drunks is the title. Ah, that a boy. Yeah, if you don't care about your body. vodka for mixing and it works and vodka can only get so bad anyways, right? No, it can be really bad vodka and make you throw up horribly and it works. I mean It's pretty proof. Yeah, it'll poison you. It's smooth enough for me. Cheers Next up five stars. I love vodka. I mean, I really love vodka. It's a tool that I hit hard and fast.

For the last 30 years, I've hovered around several core brands. This person is a multi-decade hardcore alcoholic. Straight up dying, yeah. Imagine what they look like, holy shit. Smirnoff's, Tito's, Albertson's House, Costco, and Fleischman's. You really went down the list there.

Yeah, I sure did. They're all as good as When used with mixers I prefer diet squirt this person is just trash Yeah, somewhere. There's a falling apart trailer with this person in it everyone He mentioned is on that bottom fucking shelf right next door to each other. They're all shitty Plastic jugs and they sell it at Walgreens. This is a guy that He's he knows he knows he's gonna die from this. Oh, yeah, and he likes it This is what he's chosen to die from and none of them have caused the head sore as the really cheap stuff like pop-off

Yes, I've tried the fancy stuff as well. Just no return on investment for me. If I'm drinking something straight, it's a nice single malt Fleischmann's delivered by Amazon fresh is a great option, among the lowest priced. And he gets it right to his house because he's too drunk to drive. I'll be way too drunk to come pick your ass up. Five stars vodka exclamation point. It's a plastic jug vodka bud. You're not drinking this for the taste. You're drinking this to not remember drinking this. That's the review

This is for Alki's is what that is Renee gives it two stars. Me no like it lol Me no likey. Me no likey, but it's me no like it. I taste vodka in the past But it got me it got me sick the next day. I couldn't hold nothing inside me not even water I had it with sparkling water, but my stomach turned upside down. I had nausea all day and didn't get drunk I had just three drinks with ice no more cheap liquor for me You got alcohol poisoning you got out from cheap fucking vodka. Yeah five stars. It is what it is. What can I say? That's the whole review it It costs nothing to die.

Oh my God. Finally, one star. Works good for cleaning things. There you go. It's like turpentine, works terrific. Like the bar S bologna from your fucking intestinal system. There you go, from your digestive tract. I sprayed it in my carburetor, my car started right up.

It's amazing, they use it on truck engines They just pour it all over it great degreaser. There you go Everybody has complaints and grievances and baloney and vodka and a terrible hotel in a nice Mark Twain house Yeah, and yeah, so that's that's and a big giant dildo of course the black destroyer Destroyer of worlds everybody watch out for King Hong out there. He could be hiding around any bush. I'll tell you with his giant penis. He'll blast you with that thing.

Oh man, you have no idea what's coming. There you go. Follow us, follow the groups, follow on social media. Listen to our other two shows as a matter of fact, Crime and Sports and Small Tap Murder because they're funny as shit and they're also crime. So you'll like those. Keep coming back week after week. We got much more crazy shit for you next week

wild fast food adventures and lots of other stuff of course. Thank you so much everybody we will see you next week. Bye! Follow your stupid opinions on the Wondery app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Your Stupid Opinions ad free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.